#also check out her tumblr cause her art literally gives me life

[dreamtydraw]

hi there!! so I was recently looking for visual novels to occupy my time with, and I came across 21 questions, so I played it. and I loved it. so I played tulipe. and I liked that one a lot too. then I checked out your social media and I was really curious about the ✨️paranormal club lore✨️, so I just played all of them-

I didn't realize it when I was playing the game, but I've seen a lot of your our life art here on tumblr and I can't get over how pretty it is! even when it's just doodles that you do for fun, I still really like your style cause you make everyone look so nice. even if you're just drawing clem in a clown suit, we still love that

I don’t usually draw anymore because even though I used to like it, I feel like I lack all motivation to do it now, but seeing your art is really giving me inspiration to pick up a paper and a pencil and start drawing again :D

I personally share your love for visual novels, and I enjoy replaying yours because they're honestly so nice. I guess I just like seeing the way the story progresses and how relatable the characters feel, especially as a non-binary person who struggles to see themselves represented in games. plus I just like the voice acting in 21 questions

if I'm honest, even if it wasn't my usual genre of romance, night shift was a good play as well, especially for your first game! I can feel the inspiration from horror games and I love those types of things sm. I get why you'd wanna go back and redo it someday, but I think especially in terms of the plot and characters, it had a captivating plot and it was well written... françoise betrayed us tho rip

also this isn't about the games but from what I've seen, it honestly feels like you're a really nice person who happens to be really talented and so you deserve really nice things. even if you haven't been getting them until now, I hope you do start because you deserve it!! I like reading your visual novel rambles bc I agree with a lot of stuff, just me nodding my head in agreement like I wouldn't look crazy if anyone saw me. and it feels nice to see that people still talk about fictif stories to this day cause god they've been collecting dust 😭 I miss those days where I'd be so excited whenever an update was announced... guess I'll never get my rime route now :(

lastly, I just wanna say that I love clem sm. they're literally so cool but still so adorable and I wanna give them all the love and affection. I want us to bake together and then paint each other's nails 💅

and this question has been keeping me awake at night so I just have to ask, I know that at the end of the game he said we'd keep in contact like aurore and her partner, but would they let mc just. follow them to London while he does his thing? there's no point in being in France without your blond french, and I've always wanted to move to an english speaking place anyways... clem can put me in their suitcase, I'll be good 🫶

thank you for listening to my silly rambles, I hope you're having a good day and if not, I really hope it gets better! remember to take care of yourself and take breaks whenever you need them, you're only human so you aren't always gonna be perfect, but at least you know you always try your best even if things don't go the way you want them to <3

Anon whoever you are I love you and I really wish you a wonderful day I started sobbing a bit too hard and now my eyes kinda hurt a bit but your message makes me feel a lot of things and I’m really grateful for such kindness. I’m fucking crying on my poor plushies cause I don’t have tissue, they are all wet and miserable 😭😭😭😭 Words trully can’t explain how much this message means to me, like, this is the kind of message that i’ll keep in my phone gallery to look at when i feel sad and it’s just so sweet and it rassure all the bad things I think about myself so I’m very emotional. It’s 2 am and I had a very long day so I physically and emotionally don’t handle it well but i promise it’s / pos i’m just blabling incoherent thoughts just to say thank you so much and I’m glad you enjoy what I create and I’m glad you draw again and I hope you find joy in making stuff you like + you get soft and cold pillow at night and warm meals in winter anon.

Now i am so sad to spread bad news BUT…. The canon ending of 21 questions is the platonic ending. 21q happens in 2019, Clem move to London in 2021 and ( spoiler alert ) will be spotted in Apple bag which takes place in 2022. Clem’s character and story haven’t entirely been revealed in his game for reasons that I’ll hopefully share in a futur but it’s for the same reasons that realistically… the relationship in 21q is destined to end with distance.

BUT that not the end if you imagine a future with Clem. If your intention is to romance them then there is an open window for the timeline where he’s a bit older. When exactly ? I won’t spoil but all I have to say is that this relationship can work on long term ! It’s just a good person, wrong moment situation and once you know everything about him, then his romance options become more real :}

Mystic talk sorry, like i said i just had an emotional breakdown and it’s late so i will shut my mouth and go to sleep ! Once again thank you so much for your kind words an hopefully you’ll like what I plan to release in the future. Tons of love ❤️

[cursmudgeon]

I posted 9,926 times in 2022

That's 4,726 more posts than 2021!

287 posts created (3%)

9,639 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@strawberry-crocodile

@telltaletypist

@appleteeth

@pyropiano

@catgirl-homicide

I tagged 1,649 of my posts in 2022

#homestuck - 54 posts

#spotify - 23 posts

#young wizards - 14 posts

#my face - 13 posts

#trans - 9 posts

#transgender - 9 posts

#oh - 9 posts

#girlslikeus - 9 posts

#my art - 8 posts

#youtube - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#lmao it’s always funny when you’re about to tag someone in a post and then you scroll up and realize they’re who you’re reblogging it from

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Oh my god Gideon's response to Harrow telling her she has a job for her at the beginning of GtN is "the only job I'd do for you would be if you wanted someone to hold the sword as you fell on it."

Girl stop giving yourself foreshadowing don't you know you're in a tragedy.

327 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

#4

It's so strange realizing how different my relationship with how I look is now. I spent the first 24 years of my life constantly avoiding my own reflection and dodging any camera pointed my way. Even a year ago taking selfies felt completely alien. Now I stop to check my makeup or catch my reflection in a store window and I smile because for the first time in my life I actually see myself. Anyways that's a lot of navel gazing to say I took a cute picture of myself today.

431 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

#3

Wikihow articles really don’t quite fill the unhinged quality that made yahoo answers such great fodder for comedy on MBMBaM. I propose we find a way to forward anonymous tumblr asks to Griffin McElroy.

562 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

#2

The funny thing about comparing the young wizards books to Harry Potter is that not only did they come way before Harry Potter, not only is the prose massively more competent, not only does the author have morals she holds to - to the point of rewriting the entire ending of one of her books when she was told it was harmful, but she also outlasted the whole Harry Potter phenomenon and is still putting out new books that are actually good in the series. Literally a flawless victory on every front.

771 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I love when people compliment my outfit at work and I can say "thanks, my wife got it for me!" Cause so many old people just do not know how to respond to it. Half of them are visibly surprised but happy to see a gay in the wild and the other half I get to watch their brain short circuit as it goes "wife? But wait- girl? Lesbian? How?" And while they realize their smile is faltering and their homophobia is exposed I get to bask in the power of knowing I can get them banned from the farmers market if they say anything out of line. That $20 bag of cherries you're buying isn't the only fruit here and this one will ruin your entire summer without hesitation.

2,908 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[smugbugunderarug]

Check out SquigglyDigg’s theory about Sonic! Turns out he might be a little more alien than we thought...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYBc-UldAcY

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: April 13th, 2021

And we’re back again with more replies so soon, haha. Thank you for the asks!

Your game literally saved me this hell ass year. Thank you so much for the most perfect piece of art I've ever laid eyes on 😫 ... Do you guys have a rough idea when step 3 DLC will be released? I hope I'm not coming off as rude. I just really really love your game.

I’m sorry for the late reply on this! You might’ve already seen the answer by now, but the Step 3 DLC is coming out on the 16th. We’re almost there :D

This may be a silly question but did Jeremy's parents ever find out that Pran had lied about his age and if so, when/how? :3

Pran came clean to them after a couple of years, when he felt secure enough that it wouldn’t ruin the relationship. The Kings were a little embarrassed, the dad more than the mom, but they’re quite good at brushing past those kind of mistakes so it was all water under the bridge pretty fast.

hi! i know you’ve answered a question about alterations in the our life moments by playing them in different orders, but i was wondering if there was a canon order that the moments for each step happen in? i figure with such a customizable game the “canon” timeline for the moments is whatever order the player completes them in, for example in step 1, i like playing the runaway moment pretty early, since cove trying to run away early in summer makes more sense to me personally. thanks!

Yeah, there’s no canon order we’d insist on. Whatever you like can be the official route for you! And that’s a neat way to look at that event.

What if your character isn’t that into physical contact but still wants to be in a relationship with Cove? Would he be offended if you shy away or something along those lines?

He wouldn’t be. Cove knows how hard that can be and is very understanding. If you set his initiative to low, the game always checks to make sure if you want to be touched or not rather than assuming that you do. And if you do choose that you don’t want to, there’s no stress or drama about it. Cove will just say that’s okay!

Hellu! First off, I want to thank you all for such a wonderful game, it's been the best feel-good game I've ever stumbled upon and I can't express enough how much it has meant to me. Second, I've seen lots of people having trouble with making Cove confess before MC which makes me wonder if people will have the same problem in the dlc when you can propose to him. Is it possible to post a guide for that as well when it no longer could count as a spoiler? Again, thanks for such a beautiful game <3

I’m really happy you had such a nice time with it c:. We’ll answer questions about it on tumblr/in the discord if they come up and, if need be, we’ll find somewhere to upload a guide.

Do we get steam key from buying dlc on itch io?

I’m afraid not. That’d be unfair to those who get it on Steam. Plus, Steam isn’t super cool with giving out thousands of keys to be handed out for free on other sites anymore. They can refuse to give us the keys if they feel we’re trying to take advantage of their system.

hi! so if we reject cove's confession in step 3, can we still have MC and cove get together in step 4?

You can confess to him, yeah. But Cove won’t ever try confessing again if the MC turns him down in Step 3.

What if MC acts like someone Cove doesn't like, like Lizzie or Baxter lol

You can’t do what Lizzie or Baxter does to make Cove dislike them. You can play the game and try, but it doesn’t work out. The MC is just too compatible with Cove if you’re fond/crush/love, haha.

Hi! I absolutely love your game, I love the characters they’re all so amazing, thank you for the game haha

I was wondering if you would get the NSFW DLC no matter what Patreon level you were at, or if you would could get it at any level? :)

&

What pateron tier do we need to get the 18+ content for Our Life? It's my new favourite game, keep up the good work!

It will eventually be available at the $5 tier and anything above that! Glad you both like OL ^^

On a scale from 1 (being the worst) to 10, how well do the XOXO jerk squad including JB handle horror?

JB: 8

Everett: 5

Nate: 4

Shiloh: 10

Bae: 10

Jeremy: 8 for non-gore horror, 2 for gory horror

Pran: 9

hello!! i was wondering if any of the boys from the Jerksquad would ever wear a skirt/dress?

None of them wear skirts/dresses out of personal preference. But if there was some kind of reason where they had to do it, none would be that bothered.

How does the jerk squad feel about Christmas? 

Everett: He fucking loves it. That’s the best time of year.

Nate: Commercialized nonsense.

Shiloh: It’s wonderful! So he claims.

Bae: He likes it quite a bit, but only for the joy it brings children/family. He thinks that’s sweet but is too mature to be whipped up into a festive fervor himself.

Jeremy: It’s awful.

Pran: He hates it.

does cove have any pet allergies? yes I know this is a little weirdly specific

He doesn’t! The lucky boy isn’t allergic to any animal.

Very important question: Would Lee and a musical-theatre loving MC run around belting Into The Unknown from Frozen 2? Because I feel that they would 

Probably, haha.

This might seem like a dumb question, so I’m sorry, but with the Derek DLC are we gonna get to hang out with him in person instead of just calling him in step 3? 

The Derek DLC adds events in Step 2 and Step 4. It’s part of his story that you don’t really get to be around him in Step 3. But you don’t need to apologize for wondering!

hello! i'd like to ask if it's possible to play the android version of the game with the dlcs after buying the dlcs from steam. i wasn't expecting my android version to have my dlcs since i bought them from steam, but it had my step 2 dlc for some reason. is this a glitch or does the apk actually detect what dlcs you already have on your pc? if so, how come i don't have the step 1 dlc appearing on android? thanks!

That is some kind of glitch. It isn’t possible for the Android DLCs to be unlocked by having them on PC. Maybe in one of the old builds we accidentally didn’t lock the Step 2 DLC properly. Sorry for the confusion!

Does Derek and Baxter have canon sexualities? Will Derek still flirts with the MC regardless of their gender?

They’re both pansexual and can like the MC regardless of what gender they have.

I was wondering if Miranda had a crush on Cove in Step 3? I'm not sure why, but I got those vibes from her?

She thinks of him only as a friend. Cove isn’t her type, haha.

This is probably a dumb hope, but I hope Cliff find someone he loves after Cove is grown up and everything. Or at the very least he has someone he's very close with after Cove leaves. 

That’s a really sweet thought to have. Cliff stays single, but he’s graysexual and not-particularly romantically inclined. He only dated when he was really young ‘cause that’s what everyone did. Family and friend relationships are more important to him, and he has plenty of that in his life ^^.

Heya! I was curious if there might be a nickname system in N&F? I kind of pull an Elizabeth when I play and choose a different variation of a name like having Rosie in step one and changing it to Rose in step two, then maybe Rosetta in step three for example, but it also feels a little bit odd being scolded using my nickname hehe. That's all I was wondering about, thank you for your time and the wonderful games!

We are hoping to include the option to go by a nickname in Our Life: Now & Forever. But nothing has been programmed yet, so we can’t 100% guarantee it, haha.

Just curious, what would Liz's and Cove's relationship be if MC wasn't around? I feel like they wouldn't get along as well as they do now, especially during the first and second step 

They’d definitely have a lot of friction growing up and they’d likely avoid each other as much as possible. Once they were both older, I imagine they’d be decent neighbor acquaintances. But they still wouldn’t be nearly as close as they are with the MC bringing Cove into things.

What do the customizable eyes look like in the game? Do they look as they are in the creating avatar section? Or do they look different when actually playing the game?

That’s up to you! The doll is just meant to be a general idea. You can apply it to your imagined MC as much or as little as you prefer.

Did Cove go through a "phase" during his adolescence? I don't really wanna headcanon it so I wonder if there's anything (cringy) canon since we missed out on the ages of 14-17 hahaha

Not really, aha. 14-17 Cove is pretty recognizable to his 13 and 18 year old self.

Hello! I'm sorry to bother you, especially with all the messages you get. I was just wondering if the religious wedding venue was exclusive to a church or if there will be different religions of weddings? Also, I love this VN so much, it's so well written and every character is so amazing, thank you for making such a beautiful game.

The church is treated as a historic building rather than anything actively religious, but it’s not the only option like that. There’s a historic synagogue and stuff too! And that’s really nice of you to say <3.

How differently would it play out If MC told their moms about the 20$ deal back when it happened? 

They wouldn’t have been happy and would’ve been far more skeptical of Cliff, aha. But they wouldn’t want to keep Cove away from the MC, so it wouldn’t have been too different in the long run.  

Hello may I ask what Cove's favorite fudge/ice cream flavor would be? Its alright if its not answered 

He appreciates them all, but his top favorites would be the fruit flavored ones and the ones with nuts.

Hi! I really wanted to make mc's house in a game and tried really hard to figure out the floor plan, but I wondered if you have the floor plan of the mc's house so that i can try again with more accuracy?

Thank you a lot for this game, i loved it a lot! (my first play took me 8 hours lol)

I’m really sorry, we don’t have anything like that. But at least you can headcanon that what you did is correct and nothing can prove it wrong, haha.

Hello,I recently started playing lake of voices (I put it off for a long while since I’m usually not very good with horror) and I’m really happy I did!I’m a big fan of your games in general and lake of voices was absolutely great as well.I loved the characters and the dark setting of it,I adored the beautiful art and music and the story was great too,sometimes unsettling and sometimes very sweet.My favorite Route in the game was definitely Lu,I liked his character and was really shocked and distraught by his Route at least two times.I didn’t see the plot twist(s) coming at all!

Besides these ramblings I’ve also wanted to ask if you still remember how to get the lower two CGs on page 5?I seem to always miss them and would appreciate any help.Anyways I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother and I wish the devs a great day!:)

Thank you for all the kind words <3. You get those DLCs by going through the end of the Guide’s character path. You can use the guides on Steam to help you find it/reach the end!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you again for all of these questions :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[jutsei]

“Oh, Oui! I’m a Witch, well, training to be one... huh, why? Well I was just tired of everyone needing to protect me all the time! Now I can protect them, myself, and go on adventures whenever I want! I’m having much more fun out here than I ever did on my own in the orphanage!”

ART NOT BY ME! DRAWN, UPLOADED WITH PERMISSION FROM, AND COMMISSIONED FROM @queenieboo22 ! Check out her art!

A new OC! First one in a while after I hit a block, but my block is pretty much gone now, so I’m gonna be cranking out a lot of them in the coming days, and I hope you look forward to them!

This is Sylvie Baume! She’s a human turned witch with magical art abilities who hops into paintings and goes on adventures all across the worlds within and without, meeting new people and having fun adventures, she’s very Platformer inspired (Hat Kid and Adeleine especially!), and she also has more than a few bits of influence from my tumblr RP days (Witch/Ib Mathilde!), came together to form a really cute charaacter

She made a covenant with The Moon itself, which serves as her guardian and ally to embolden her magic so she could protect herself and not need others to protect her, she doesn’t mind she’s gradually becoming less human, for the people she meets makes it worth it!

The effects of the moon caused her skin to turn gray and coarse yet smooth, like moon rock, her ears to grow in lenght, and her teeth to begin to sharpen, but it was worth the price!

In addition, under certain circumstances, her body shines bright white and beautifully, like shining moonlight.

This was one of the first OCs I made with a mood board attached, and it really helped solidfy Sylvie! And just like that, this will be one of the first OCs I post with a proper profile to help make keeping notes easier, so, here we go!

Name:Sylvie Baume

Nicknames: Silly, Vie. Sweet Syl.

Gender: Female

Race: Witch (Formerly Human). Gradually becoming more and more of a Witch. 

Guardian Spirit: The Moon (Like. Literally. The Moon itself.)

Age: 8-10.

Likes: Exploration, art, helping her friends, solving problems, The Moon.

Dislikes: Feeling helpless, uncreative people, bullies, not having parents.

Profile/Biography:

A normal girl whose parents were lost in a tragic accident, Sylvie spent most of her days in the orphanage creating art that made her and other people happy, and hoping one day things might get better for her.

She was born into a world with magic, and while her soul had the spark to create magic, it was so small that it was unlikely it’d ever be used for anything other than art or normal work.

Thankfully, her life took an upturn on a field trip to an art museum, she came upon a beautiful work of art, and when she reached out to touch it, it reacted and pulled her in!

While her magic was weak, it was just enough for her to reach out into paintings, and enter worlds based on the paintings, or worlds similar to ones depicted in the paintings!

Even after the field trip ended, Sylvie would sneak into the museum and go on adventures, entering paintings, meeting new people, seeing amazing sights… it shined a light on her life, making her otherwise dull day to day routine exciting!

However, one constant gnawed at her.

She could enter the paintings, but she couldn’t really do much, when she entered the worlds, she couldn’t defend herself, she had to run away, ask for help from her many friends, or simply retreat back to her world.

Sylvie cursed how she was helpless and weak, and truly wished she could help her friends in the painted worlds.

As she cried out, a voice rang out to her from above. It sympathized with her background and how she couldn’t protect herself.

It was The Moon

The Moon, a guardian over the planet watched over her closely, and wished to enrich her life. It could turn the spark in her soul into a roaring flame and give her more abilities, though, not without risk. As she grew she would become more distant from her humanity.

Sylvie hesitated, but soon accepted the Moon’s offer, and while her skin began to pale, harden and become like the surface of the moon, and her ears grew in length, she would find her artistic abilities and powers had grown, she could create things, sketch up creatures, and also attack with it, if need be! 

And so it continued, Sylvie continued sneaking out, but was soon caught time after time (her altering appearance didn’t help matters), and while she was loathe to run away from her beloved art museum, Sylvie soon fled into the woods, where she met a fellow Witch who took her in and helped nurture her abilities further (And also give her a new change of clothes!)

Now Sylvie continues to hone her abilities while returning to the museum, and sometimes painting up new worlds to explore!

One of the ones that’s recently taken up her attention was a beautiful painting, of three kingdoms close to each other, yet with two in constant ruin and strife, one gnawed at by gravity, another by encroaching shadows, and the last simply standing from afar...

[brightblueinky]

Pardon me for the intrusion, but you're the only person I found who's still into CC and I have to ask: does the romantic aspect of Chrono's and Rosette's relationship seem lacking to you? Like I can see when Rosette starts to view him as a love interest (chapter 28), but I can't see when Chrono starts to view her as one. To me it feels like he only had an interested in Mary, and Rosette is just his very beloved friend; the kiss felt too sudden. I'm sorry, I just need a second opinion on this.

Okay I am so sorry I didn’t respond to this until now, I’ve mostly been using tumblr on my phone and using it to check a few blogs and occasionally the CC tag, and apparently tumblr doesn’t notify for asks on the mobile app? Or I’m not seeing it? Something. I have no idea how long you’ve been waiting for a response on this, so I’m really sorry! I hope you find this!

I think I need a reread of the manga at this point--a lot of the stuff I’m writing these days is going off of head canon which might not be 100% accurate anymore. So I’m just going to write this off the cuff. Gonna be a bit stream of consciousness! So this is definitely not a definitive opinion or even one I’ll always stand by, just how I personally feel in this particular moment.

So off the top of my head...

I think we see less things from Chrono’s point of view than from Rosette’s, which is part of what makes this tricky. This isn’t ALWAYS the case obviously (we see his sort of...PTSD dream flashback after Rizelle’s death, the flashback in volume 6 is basically from Chrono’s viewpoint since it’s mostly his memories, etc), but since one of the way the plot moves forward is the mystery of what happened in Chrono’s past usually the viewpoint is more centered around Rosette. I actually always assumed that Rosette was the only character that Moriyama would consider the protagonist until I saw that on a dust jacket for one of the books he said that BOTH Chrono and Rosette are (can’t remember which book, sorry! it was a fan translation).

Thinking about it, I think we see Chrono start to realize he has romantic feelings at the end of volume 6. I think that’s the first time he really, truly comes to accept his contract with Rosette as a good thing instead of just...the lesser of two evils, I guess? It’s when he goes “oh, yeah, I made the contract because otherwise she would’ve run off to solve the problem on her own, and I didn’t want to leave her alone.” I think that’s when he starts to really see Rosette as someone that’s on the same level of emotional maturity as him, too--earlier he occasionally teases her for being immature, but I think when Rosette tells him that she wants to share his pain, and Mary’s, that he sees how emotionally strong she is as a person and really respects that. Not that he didn’t see her as strong BEFORE, buuut like...he’d been so hesitant to share his past with Rosette until right then, and her response, I think, makes him realize how helpful having her support really is to him.

This isn’t really the same situation and is definitely my own personal reaction, but as I write this it makes me think of when I was dating my husband. I was initially terrified he was going to break up with me because I was bisexual--we both came from conservative Christian backgrounds and were homeschooled, and in the past he expressed homophobic sentiments--but I felt like I HAD to tell him because I couldn’t see myself in a long term relationship with someone I couldn’t be 100% honest with. His reaction when I told him was to immediately tell me he trusted me and cared about me, start to reconsider what he’d been raised to feel immediately, and he’s become one of my biggest advocates as I’ve come out to friends and family. Coming out to him was one of the best things I’ve ever done, but it was terrifying until I did. I can see Chrono having similar fears talking about his past with Rosette, and having a similar sense of relief and healing as soon as he realized how much Rosette is in his corner and how helpful having someone he can be open with actually is.

In the next chapter, Rosette holds Chrono’s hands to comfort him while they briefly talk about their current situation (Chrono being held in, uh, demon jail? and Rosette being taken off of her mission to find Joshua), then they both blush and get flustered when they realize what they’re doing. They babble small talk afterward while inner dialogue repeats Rosette’s promise to share Chrono’s pain, and Mary’s too. And then RIGHT AFTER is when Remington walks in and takes them to Aion’s old house on the beach so...that’s about it.

So I think the manga does show that, either right after he’s pulled out of his coma by Rosette or sometime in the aftermath, Chrono is starting to acknowledge that his feelings for Rosette might be more romantic. But it is VERY brief, because literally everything after that is two volumes of the big finale, taking place entirely over no more than 24 hours. Everything after that is rushing to tie up as many loose ends as possible--Fiore being Satella’s sister, saving Joshua, Joshua beginning to grapple with the gravity of what he’s done and been a part of and what’s been done to him, Aion and Chrono’s confrontation, the Order and the Sinner’s confrontation, Rosette’s near death experience, Aion’s motivations revealed, Chrono and Aion’s true relationship revealed, Azmaria finally coming into her own in terms of taking ownership of her powers, the culmination of Aion’s plans (and near-Apocalypse caused by it), the true nature of demons, the deaths of most of the Sinners, Shader’s defection, Joshua and Fiore’s relationship being somewhat resolved, Rosette and Chrono’s relationship being somewhat resolved...like holy shit there is SO. MUCH. THERE.

On top of that, I’ve got the Japanese reprints and while I can read basically no Japanese (HUGE GRAIN OF SALT INCOMING), I’ve pointed Google Translate at some of the omakes and from what I can tell, Moriyama talks in the omake in...volume 6, I think, that he basically had a whole other volume’s worth of story for the flashback that had to be cut! If I’m understanding it right, it’s like...from Remington’s perspective, and involves some Native American tribe or reservation that had connections to the Sinners, and the woman in charge of the orphanage Joshua and Rosette grew up in was a child living in a town nearby....

Basically, from what I can tell? Moriyama had a LOOOOOOOOT of background stuff he wanted to go into in the back half of Chrono Crusade that he wasn’t able to do for time reasons. I’m not sure if his editor gave him a deadline, or he realized it would be too meandering, or what exactly happened, but...have you ever heard the “iceberg” theory of writing? Basically, flesh out as much of the backstory as you can--know everything about the town your story is set in, the family of your protag and their relationships with them, what they eat for breakfast, just...every little minutia you can possibly think of, but most of that won’t get into your story. The audience will only see the tip of the iceberg, but knowing so much background about your setting and characters will help it feel more alive and inform your decisions as you write.

I think Moriyama had a fucking huge iceberg, basically, and I think he actually wanted to show more of that, but...couldn’t. So we get little pieces of art that reference this entire backstory for Satella we never see, and Aion, etc....that gets small nods but doesn’t make it into the manga.

And I think there’s a lot of things Moriyama wanted to give time to breathe in the manga but due to space limitations, couldn’t. So that’s why the second half of the manga literally takes place from Thanksgiving to sunrise on Christmas Day and is...the entire second half of the manga. He’s rushing to get in as much as possible while still letting the story flow as a story and sometimes...it’s not perfect.

So....I think unfortunately, yeah, one of the casualties of that is that we don’t get a huuuuuge amount of Chrono’s side of the relationship, because most of the moments that really shows that they’re heading in that direction is from Rosette’s POV. Other than the scene I already mentioned, I think you could argue that Chrono’s reaction to “the place that Chrono can go back to was decided 4 years ago!” might also be the first moment he starts to consider how important Rosette is to him, but that doesn’t HAVE to be romantic...Chrono’s reaction to her death (and then realizing there’s a chance to revive her) again emphasizes how important she is to him, but it doesn’t HAVE to be romantic...the kiss at the end is the only thing that really 100% says “Yes, this is romantic and not platonic” on his part. And...yeah. It feels a bit sudden. There’s some underlying hints before that but...I mean, I know about them because I’m obsessive about character growth and narrowed in on it in subsequent rereads, I’m not sure if it came through right away on my first read of the manga, and I even knew going into it that they were at least meant to be teased as a ship, so, yeah.

Also I briefly want to admit that as I’ve gotten older, the age gap bothers me a little more. Not enough for me to abandon the ship, just, you know, it’s something I acknowledge will turn some people off. I think Chrono, maturity-wise, is meant to be seen as...about 20. I think Moriyama mentions in one of the early omakes that that’s what he looks like in his unsealed form, we know that when he leaves Pandaemonium it’s right after his coming of age ceremony so he’s about what a demon would consider to be 18 in terms of emotional (and physical?) maturity, and especially since he’s been sleeping for 50 years since that period of his life he doesn’t have the experience that his age really indicates (which Aion blantantly points out near the end). So I’m not THAT bothered by it because I don’t think that Rosette and Chrono are actually that inequal in terms of emotional maturity but it’s still...there, and...I mean he met her when she was 12...so...yeah that’s a bit weird!! 

I’ve just gotten to where I shrug my shoulders and go “look, every ship in Chrono Crusade has something problematic about it, if you’re going to be a fan of Chrono Crusade you’re probably going to have to grapple with the fact that it’s messy and human and nobody is 100% good or bad in the manga, and that’s part of what I like about it, so, that’s cool, but it’s probably not for everyone.” It’s actually one reason why I’m kinda OK with CC not being as popular as some of its contemporaries because...some of the anti-shipper stuff I’ve seen online...oh boy.

So...I guess in conclusion, I think there’s stuff there in the manga to build up the relationship a little bit, but a lot of it is from Rosette’s POV and most of it is kind of subtle. I wouldn’t be surprised if Moriyama had wanted to flesh it out more obviously in the manga but the second half is stuffed full of wrapping up character arcs and questions and loose ends so it just didn’t really have the time to get as much focus. I really like the ship a lot, but a lot of it comes from analysis of the characters and how they relate to each other rather than it just being...canon. I’m okay with that, I’m the sort of person that will ship characters that never even meet just because I think the dynamic might be cool, but...I’m not surprised that not everyone would be into it, either.

And now I kinda want to make...a series of posts analyising the different relationships that are...either canon or teased in canon, see how much they’re built up, etc. Because this post makes me think a lot about Joshua/Azmaria and how confused I was by them apparently being married in the epilogue on my first read, and only seeing the hints Moriyama hinted about them possibly being a couple in the manga on subsequent rereads (and even then HO BOY it’s so subtle it makes Chrono and Rosette look really in your face aaaaaa). BUT I HAVE RAMBLED ENOUGH FOR THIS POST and, again, I need a reread. Maybe soon....!!!!

[spnfanficpond]

June 2020 Angel Fish Awards

(New Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle @mrswhozeewhatsis or Mana @manawhaat to check and make sure we got your submission.

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE JUNE’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nonimated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

I Thought You Were Going To Die (oneshot) by @fun-and-fandoms

My nominations for the month wouldn’t be complete without a little bit of angst. Though this one isn’t just that. If you’re easily triggered by mentions of depression and its symptoms, this one’s not for you. But it’s an important topic and I will always encourage any creator who uses their art to remind people it’s okay to talk about it. (Note from Kale, this was actually submitted in May but I missed it.) 

More to Me (oneshot) by @becs-bunker

No spoilers, but I’m so glad this ended the way it did. So sweet <3

Help  (oneshot) by @blushingjared

I came across this fic and was immediately intrigued. Then I started reading and I was captivated from the first sentence until the very last. The author did such a good job with setting the scene and painting the right picture.

Talking Bodies (oneshot) by @ne-gans

This AU-Sam is such a huge weakness of mine. That, in combination with this dangerously filthy masterpiece, is nothing short of perfection.

Nominated by @focusonspn

Into The Woods (series) by @amanda-teaches

So well written, interesting plot and great development. The chemistry between Y/N and Dean is also amazing, and I loved how this mini-series could be so easily part of the show. Totally worth reading.

Nominated by @thoughtslikeamindfield 

Stranger Than FanFiction (series) by @cherry3point14

The premise is similar to the film Stranger Than Fiction – a story about a story being written about you – and it’s just as hilarious. Also, Cherry Pie is still one of the funniest writers in this corner of SPN fandom.

“You’re not supposed to move your head if there’s someone trying to murder you, probably…”

No, I wouldn’t think so, but lollllll

“You’re being insane, out loud.”

Omgggg

“It tried, oh, how the door tried to divert her attention from the unknown men who could be terrible, rule-breaking influences on her. However the door was only wood and she was a stubborn woman made of free will and limbs—a woman who refused to be deceived.”

“Your hand is on the doorknob before the mention of your limbs has finished rattling around your head.  Realistically you don’t want to encourage the voice by doing what it says. After all, the voice’s ultimate goal seems to be killing you.”

BAHAHAHAH omfg you guys

I need to stop quoting from this bc I probably seem insane to those of you who haven’t read this, so stop being judgy buttheads and go read!

Nominated by @flamencodiva

The Choice (series) by @superfanficnatural

A couple of things. 1) this is an amazing fic that highlights Dean unwillingness to let himself go until it’s almost too late. and 2) the smut in this is hot hot hot hot! not for anyone under 18 years of age.

Mert has a way with words and can literally pluck you into one and make you see it as it comes to life in your head.

Mine (series) by @holylulusworld

Lulu has an abundance of different stories she tells and this one is my favorite of her ABO’s at the moment. (although I love all of them) I think this one deserved a mention. I am glad she joined to Pond so I could help nominate and spread her amazing work!

One Night at a Time (series) by @crashdevlin

Another great fic by Cassie! This one shot full of Angst, Smut, and if you squint just the right amount of Dean fluff. She has a way of capturing your attention and putting you in the world as you read.

What He Lost (oneshot) by @jensengirl83

This short story by Brandy is sure to rip your heart out. she leaves just a bit of hope where you think there is a chance only to crush it completely with the ending. This one is sure to bring you to tears if you are looking for the most delicious angsty story to read.

Nominated by @risingpheonix761

Down The Rabbit Hole (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

So, this was hysterical. XD I love crack fics, and bad smut in particular, and this one hits the spot. (I’ve also learned several new horrible euphemisms lol). The ending, though? Golden!

Nominated by @myinconnelly1

The Affair (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I love how well all the characters are portrayed I truly hate everyone except the reader! Well done!!  

Red Riding Hood - or how you ran into a wolf... (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I have nothing to say about this. I will simply allow the puddle I have become to speak for me. 

Last Omega On Earth (oneshot) by @holylulusworld 

This was a great entry in the ABO world. and we need more of this and more like !!!!! Great work!

My Beta (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I am a greedy little bitch with this fic.  I think I've read it 3-4 since i first read it this month!!!!!! READ THIS FIC!  

Third Period (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

Some truly inspiring smut.  Inspiring to change my panties. 

Gods of Twilight (series) by @thecleverdame​

I think i posted this fic in my rec before, but it is so amazing and intricate that i can't stop gushing about it.  Fucking awesome. 

Apple Pie (oneshot) by @bad268​ 

The amazingness of this is great, check this guppy out!

Deal (oneshot) by @bad268 

Comedy at some of its's finest!!! 

Confession (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

THE FLUFFFFFFF!!!! I don't read straight fluff.  So get the tissues ready.

Fallen (series) by idreamofplaid

My therapist has told me i'm not longer allowed to talk about this fic during our sessions.  So instead i shall now talk about it here... *pulls out soapbox* ahem... *gets pulled away with hook*

Memory (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

This fic is older, but i love it so much.  I recently went back and reread it, and the angst and reconciliation in this fic are heartwrenching.

Home (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

My dentist bill the month was higher than normal, due to the new cavities caused by this fic.

Imperfectly Yours (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Cuteness overload as you get Dean's perspective of Home ^^

Second Hand News (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Alright listen. I am a glutton for punishment.  And this fic, I asked for.  Also i had it set within one of the universes we now own.  That all being said, reading this was like a dose of my own medicine and it fucking hurt.

Honesty And Lies (oneshot) by @crashdevlin

This was super dirty, and great.  Totally recommend. 

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

The Classifieds (oneshot) by @talesmaniac89

This is rip your heart out and stomp on it angst right here. So well written, but so, so heartbreaking.

So Much More Than Perfect (oneshot) by @imagineteamfreewill

This fic is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever read. It made me tear up a bit, but who doesn’t love Dean being the most protective, most adorable dad ever?!

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

Dear Dean (series) by @smol-and-grumpy

It’s one of those series that makes you wants more after every chapter. It’s a brilliant story.

Left Behind (series) by @kittenofdoomage

It’s the only John Fic I can read over and over and over again. Its hot, the plot is awesome! And it makes me wants more each and every time I read it.

Not Much Left (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

I think Beka tries to kill her readers every time she writes smut… or she just tap into our mind what we want or what we fantasize about. Every single time I’m speechless by her talents!

Yes Professor (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

It’s a Misha fic, there’s no one who write Misha the way Beka does!!!

Owe You One (series) by @supernatural-jackles

It’s such a great series! The friends with Benefit and Mechanic!Dean… I just love this so much and I don’t have words to describe how good this one is!!

Flirty In French (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

This is brilliant, and I know its an old one, but from someone who finally decided to read more and from someone who is from Quebec, this is absolutely brilliant! The flirty french pick up line are so hilarious!

Nominated by @moosekateer13

Watching for Comets (series) by @holylulusworld

This fic beautifully captures the song that it was inspired by.

It also showcases things that when things are meant to be.

I’ll will all fall into place.

Please Trust Me (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

This fic beautifully emotionally captures what it’s like to have trust issues.

Nominated by @fictionalabyss

Last Call (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer 

It was everything we needed and wanted.

Culinary Exploits (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer  

Too utterly ridiculous not to get a mention.

His Omega (oneshot) by @iflostreturntosteverogers 

A sweet little comfort fic of Dean being utterly perfect caring for his Omega. Carrie also pulled off keeping this gender neutral, which isn’t something I see a lot of, and probably something I’d struggle with, so hats off to you, babe.

Poison (oneshot) by @supernatural-jackles 

YES omg i feel this on such a level. I’ve gone through that shit myself. A friend who lets you down so profoundly but then acts as if you’re the most toxic person in the world.  Nothing feels as good as letting go of that shit and moving on to better things. This was beautiful, and perfect, and TRUTH.

Amara (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer  

This one hurt. It really hurt, but it hurt so good that I’m left wanting more.

Take Me Now (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87  

If Dawn doesn’t continue this, I’ll riot.

Stuck On You (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage  

I rarely read a fic this long (I just don’t usually have the time) but it looked too interesting for me to scroll past, and it had me completely captivated. I needed to know what would happen as if I needed air, even though I could guess how it ended, I needed to read the words. Phenomenal.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[ghostlyscene]

17 things I learned before turning 17

According to my birth certificate, I turn 17 this year. It's weird because part of me still feels 4 and part of me feels 113, but the actual age I currently am is 16. I thought I'd share some lessons I've learned. I honestly don’t know what I’m writing and looking back, this post is literally just me rambling and talking about my life and ideas that maybe are cliche. But I wanted to make this post about things I’ve learned so far in life and who knows, maybe these thoughts will evolve as I grow.

1. Crying is not a weakness - I used to always think crying was a sign of weakness or losing to someone or giving in. But as I’ve grown and experienced more things that make me want to cry, I’ve come to understand that crying is therapeutic and it helps me move on. I have to move past hardships somehow and crying is my form of coping and healing.

2. I love traveling - my family has always loved traveling ever since I was really little. I used to always be the one in daycare and elementary going to Mexico or China during breaks and later on, London, Paris, Vienna, Singapore. All these wonderful places, some I can’t even remember. Now that I’m older, I’ve fallen in love with traveling and I enjoy seeing the culture, architecture, art, way of life, and everything a country has to offer. I’ve been to 45 countries and I’m almost 17. That’s crazy and I’m so grateful for every experience and I can’t wait for more.

3. sweatshirts, sweaters, and tights are the best thing to wear - I’ve basically given up on looking nice most of the time. Comfort is always first and soft sweatshirts and hoodies and sweaters are the best for napping in and watching shows and cramming studying sessions and homework. also tights are the best thing ever cause they basically look nice with everything I wear.

4. stationery is obsessive - I love love love stationery and it’s honestly not a healthy obsession but I just can’t help myself. Every colored pen, marker, highlighter, little stickers and everything you can think of, I will probably have or want to buy when I’m in stores. I’ve recently been obsessed with zebra sarasa pens and mild liners (the pastel colors!!!)

5. Taylor Swift concerts are the happiest place to be - I’ve always imagined what Taylor concerts would be like and it was at the top of my bucket list forever because I had never been able to convince my mom to take me. My mom was always worried about safety which is understandable, but I convinced her to take me to the reputation tour. It was such a worthwhile experience and my mom and I enjoyed every moment. Taylor has such a way of making you feel at home and connected with her. I was so genuinely happy that night, singing my heart out and forgetting all my worries and insecurities for a night. I can’t wait to go to another show (hopefully soon) and I hope all of y’all will get to go to one eventually.

6. Italian food is the best food around.- pasta, gelato, pizza and omg Italian food is just amazing. That’s it. There’s nothing else to say really.

7. I’m addicted to coffee, fairy lights, and aesthetics. - Coffee is something i always need and it just tastes so good. I usually get a iced caramel macchiato but I’ve also been loving stronger coffee tastes recently. Also I don’t get any sleep during school so basically I live off caffeine. The fairy lights in my room make me so happy and warm and are a great stress reliever. Definitely recommend. Aesthetics!!! Literally love scrolling through tumblr and Pinterest for hours to look at aesthetic photos and edits and I love seeing my friend’s edits and discovering new editors and ahh!!!! definitely check them out and give them the love they deserve. Editors work so hard.

8. Art is a form of therapy - I love doing art whenever I’m stressed because it helps me forget everything. And I don’t think you have to be really talented or draw anything complex because whenever I draw stuff for competition, I always feel stressed. It’s the small doodles and careless sketches that make me feel the happiest.

9. true friends are it replaceable - I’ve realized how important a good friend is and having a person that is always there to talk to and share your worst and best moments with is something that will make your life infinitely better. You don’t need a bunch to feel happy. One true, honest one is all that one ever needs but that doesn’t mean that you should stop meeting new people cause you never know who will become your best friend or who needs you. Never stop making friends but eliminate the toxic ones.

10. having scars is not a bad thing - I’ve learned that having a history and a part of your life that is bad doesn’t make you a bad person or shameful. It is what makes you the person you are today and you should embrace it and use it to better yourself or help other.

11. Music has always been there for me - listening to music and making playlists and discovering songs is such a huge part of my life. There’s a song for every emotion and music can be so healing. So go listen to some nice songs and discover just how nice music can make one feel.

12. Put yourself first- it’s not selfish - I used to always think that thinking of myself and my feelings first was selfish. So I put others first and forgot to take care of myself. But I’ve realized that you can’t love others and help others to the full potential until you are happy with yourself and you feel content with your life and are at a good place yourself. So if you need to take care of your mental health or whatever is important to you, do it. The people who truly love you will understand and be there the whole time.

13. Don’t let your anxiety take over - anxiety can be difficult and uncontrollable and sometimes it is necessary to take care of yourself. But learning how to cope is part of the healing process and you should not let your anxiety ruin your day and should push to experience new things and go out of your comfort zone.

14. Society has unnecessary standards for woman - ok tell me why we are obligated to shave, to have nice hair, to have perfect makeup and perfect skin, and to fit a mold. I’ve found that women’s dress code can be so strict and unnecessary compared to men’s. Women are expected to do more and to fight more for what they want and to be caring, model-like, and many other “traditionally woman” things but that isn’t every women and I don’t think everyone has to adhere to those standards.

15. It is vital to become educated and know your values - this world is so complex and there’s so much out there to learn and become educated on. I think it is important to know about history and current events and become educated enough to have your own values and know why you stand by them. To me, this is part of growing up and becoming your own person and I’m always working on that. I’ve yet to achieve it but I’ve made progress.

16. “may your heart remain breakable but never by the same hands twice”.-I want to be able to put down the thick wall around my heart and to let myself love and feel again. I want to let people into my life more that make me smile and feel safe, even if it means getting hurt again. I want to allow myself to trust others and to build more relationships with people. I think it’s hard because I’ve felt abandoned and hurt so much but some tiny part of me hoped that one day, I’ll be ready to accept someone. And I think this is important for everyone to do or work towards.

17. Step into the daylight and let it go. - something I have definitely learned and am still working on doing daily is learning to let go. I’ve realized that it’s not easy, and some part of me always wants to nitpick on every tiny mistake in my life. I don’t think I’ll ever be fully satisfied with myself and I will always value improvement. But I’ve realized that the amount of stress I have over uncontrollable aspects of life is too much. So I think that sometimes it’s best to just take a deep breath and move on. you only have so long to live so instead of dwelling on the past, you have to move on and work on improving the future.

[devilstree]

Answer the questions and tag 11 people you want to know better!

@devildomz tagged us in an ask game. ok hell yeah this is a 2 in 1 blog

1. What do you prefer to be called namewise?

adri: adri !

nat: nat ........ lol our names are right there

2. When is your birthday?

adri: june 29 ... cancer season 😌 ✌️ 

nat: december 11 sagittarius gang only

3. Where do you live? (You can just give the country’s or state name if you’re not comfortable with sharing the city name)

adri: both of us are from the sf bay area

nat: what she said

4. Three things you are doing right now?

adri: i made fresh strawberry milk + boba and i am sipping on that. i am also listening to weeb music. i am also drawing somn 👀

nat: i am dyeing fabric in a pot with acrylic paint bc im in the throes of finals week and also im blasting fall out boy just one yesterday cause its 2015 again. yeah

5. Four fandoms that have your peak interest right now?

adri: at the forefront it is literally obey me the demon dating sim and haikyuu the volleyball anime is my ultimate comfort media. thats all folks i dont have four

nat: obey me is my emotional support quarantine hyperfixation but also animal crossing

6. How has this pandemic been treating you?

adri: not kidding! godawful! i hate it here ive never been more depressed in my life

nat: my life is gonna turn around as soon as im done with class next week but for now i am literally going through it.

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

adri: tattoos together -- lauv

nat: mouth of the devil - mother mother

8. Recommend a movie

adri: marie antoinette dir. sofia coppola. is something that can be so personal 

nat: phantom thread 2017 dir. paul thomas anderson. absolutely insane

9. How old are you?

adri: i am 19

nat: me also

10. School, university, occupation or other

adri: university but summer break just started 4 me. double majoring in english/environmental studies 

nat: university also i go to art school. studying textiles & trying to double major in illustration. still working on the last one tho........

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

adri: for outside weather sunny and warm, for indoor temp cold

nat: 70 degrees is the ideal living temperature i dont take feedback. also it is better to be cold than hot

12. Name one fact about you that others might find unusual

adri: bruv i am a normie i cannot think of an unusual thing. i am a vegan thats my weirdest unusual shit

nat: idk uhhhhhhhh. actually ok i thought my birthday was the wrong day for 10 years

13. Are you shy?

adri: i do not think that im shy i literally am just woefully picky with people i have in my life so i snip out people i dont immediately click with. not shy just unfortunately frigid akhddkg

nat: no only on the internet 

14. Do you have preferred pronouns?

adri: she/her

nat: anythings cool honestly but i prefer he/they slightly.

15. Biggest pet peeves?

adri: gross but. aggressive burping without apology when i dont know u like that

nat: hate it when ppl try to be rude funny like what is ur damage lol.. only do that if i know u -_-

16. What is your favourite “-dere” type?

adri: i had to look this shit up bc i didnt know any dere type other than tsundere but i still say tsundere because its so fun

nat: not a weeb so i had to check anyway its deredere i love happy bitches. good for them

17. Rate your life  1-10. 1 being crappy, 10 being amazing.

adri: last week it was a -8 but today it’s a 5??? im unfortunately going thru some shit rn but im on the up again

nat: 3-4 right now but i am finally getting off my ass for my finals. as soon as next week passes i guarantee i WILL be at 10

18. What is your main blog?

adri: @adrisama where i blog about haikyuu and rb whatever else i want

nat: @goo-mies its just everything there.

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for.

adri: oh christ. they are all lowkey dead for now bc i literally caught obey me disease but @twilitinhere for twilight blogging. @puffsleeves for blogging about anne with an e. @agrestes for miraculous ladybug. u are looking at the newest sideblog here at devilstree dot tumblr dot com

nat: i have an art blog @dovebranch and an aes blog @solohsis which r the only ones im really using rn. i used to have a tf2 sideblog but i havent touched it in 2 years and the art is old so i am NOT sharing

20. One thing you think people should know about you before they become your friends? 

adri: this is just for people who follow this blog and play obey me.... i stan satan and mammon. yes they r on critical opposing ends of the sapiosexual/morosexual spectrum. i have two hands!!!!!  🤧🤧🤧

nat: im just gonna piggyback off of what adri answered. anyway i stan levi and asmo who are also on opposite extremes except its the two ends of the cringe-sexy scale. (pinches fingers together) its about the duality

[daenerysice]

why i’m onboard with the spanish leaks and not the ‘bells’:

1. it actually makes total sense leading up to a ‘bittersweet’ ending instead of bitter because we have to remember not everyone’s faves are dany and jon, tyrion was/is a HUGE fan favorite so seeing him resorted to this is sad especially if you’re just a show watcher (or just like show!tyrion in general). just because it’s more happy for me doesn’t mean it’s that way for others. i remember nikolaj saying it’s a twist you don’t expect and it’s not some big theory that was already out there. dany being mad has been a theory FOREVER, dany OR jon or both of them dying has also been big theories, this subverts them. ‘bells’ seems like it doesn’t end good for most. also, may i point out i don’t quite remember but i feel like bells told both episodes while spanish leaks tell just this one which is more promising because most leakers only know one episode ahead of time.

2. ‘bells’ leakers have been right before but they have also been wrong and have mixed up characters apparently they’ve already mixed up cersei and daenerys before. i’m guessing if they are seeing stills/frames or even just someone was on set and telling them if it’s tyrion setting up dany it’s easy to think dany did it because the other people might act like she did like jaime. if this ‘bell person’ saw jaime saying ‘wtf did daenerys do’ next to all this destruction you’d think daenerys did it looking at that. all i’m saying is leaks are EASILY misinterpreted. remember when we say the leaks before episode 3 and we thought jon was riding drogon and jon was now ‘unburnt’ like daenerys? i’m sure it happens to leakers as well. actually, a lot of these leaks seem somewhat similar with just a different angle as if someone jumped to conclusions and thought/wrote the worst possible thing from seeing what they saw and not knowing everything. i’m also pretty sure spanish leaker said their sources have been right before too and gave proof.

3. the photo evidence. i personally SAW the leaks before the photos were out which is another check in terms of the spanish leaks. now perhaps the photos already came out and i didn’t see but i’m pretty active on GOT tumblr and i stalk GOT twitter so i feel like i’d know. i saw someone post the link to the spanish leaks before i saw ANY photos. the photos line up with what the spanish leaker said. not to mention the new ‘mothers day’ art/card shows dany having a sword like spanish leaker said (and boatbaby is real like it should be with that kind of foreshadowing, otherwise it’s pointless).

4. people say they don’t trust d&d and they won’t do something like (i get it i don’t really trust them either) this but i do go back to that one quote “she’s not her father, she’s not insane, and she’s not a sadist, but there’s a targaryen ruthlessness that comes with even the good targaryens.” just last season. i don’t want to give them THAT much credit because i agree last episode was… a thing but going against a stance you held just last season is a bit much. the point i’m really trying to make is that this type of plot that is in the leaks is classic d&d and basically another repeat of last season with the sansa/arya/littlefinger plotline. so it isn’t that great of writing to just be repeating stuff but that makes it realistic as to what they’d do lol. if you just think of common d&d tropes and what they do this is one of them and it makes perfect sense. also the whole ‘let’s break dany down to build her up’ is what they essentially did with sansa, again repeating stuff and again not great writing but it’s realistic as to what they’d do in terms of how they write.

5. it just makes sense overall. again, i get that last episode… yikes but it’s not so far out in space to where it’s hard to imagine it plausible. i get d&d weren’t operating in the plausible realm last episode but make it make a little sense. i can’t imagine they’d let THAT ‘the bells’ leaks be approved. i just can’t. no way in hell. fo the last two episodes? NO. people look over this stuff and no one had ANY input or complaints? ways to make it better? i don’t see that.

6. the spanish leaker literally said he didn’t like the way the episode turned out because they wanted it to be less ‘fanfiction-y’ which to me gives more credibility. if you’re saying you don’t like the leaks you’re giving it tells me that you are giving the true leaks regardless. i feel like the big made up ones are to troll or what they WANT to happen. why would you post what you didn’t want to happen if it wasn’t real? also, i don’t troll but if i were to troll it would be to freak people out and cause paranoia? that’s supposed to be the point, right? ‘good leaks’ does not do any of that stuff the trolls want, bad leaks do.

7. as far as jon and dany go emilia said they are ‘soulmates’ and star-crossed lovers’ and kit said that daenerys is ‘the love of his life’. now tell me how does that translate to stabbing? why would you even say that??? it doesn’t add up. they could have said they were in love or something generic if it was just any other relationship or one that turns sour. they wouldn’t go that far implying ‘this is the only person they should ever be with’ if it turns THAT bad.

and look, i could just be too optimistic but i’ve gone through phases of believing both so i think it made me best equipped to handle the worst and the best. at this point, i’m liking what i’m seeing with this leak and it’s credibility so i’d rather believe that. i’d rather believe my favorite characters are still my favorite characters. i’d also rather not be mad the whole week and have a panic attacks because i’m so upset about this shit so i choose to not be too down on it until i see it.

[ceridwenofwales]

Random but remember the scene where Lagertha killed Aslaug she said that Aslaug bewitched Ragnar. Rewatching vikings & in S1 ep.9 Lagertha goes to the Seer to ask about the dreams she’s having. She fears for Ragnar’s life and the Seer tells her that the shadows are from Hel’s Hall, the shadows want to take something from her. He also tells her that Ragnar is in danger from the magical world. This is the episode where Gyda dies and Aslaug is introduced. She really did bewitch him. Thoughts?

I’m so sorry that took me this long to reply. I needed to watch two episodes of the first season and check it out some of my favorite sources to give you a more appropriate reply. I don’t think Aslaug bewitched Ragnar and I’ll explain why I think so.

I was writing a meta and Dumblr (how I lovingly refer to Tumblr when it sucks) erased my highly detailed post. ;(

Brace yourself, it’s a meta. Hahahahaha.

I think to answer this we have to go back to episode 8 from season one “Sacrifice”. Lagertha suffered a miscarriage and they are preparing to go to Uppsala to ask for the Gods’ favor.

Ragnar: “Of course I’m happy. Why should I not be happy? When we reach Uppsala, we shall ask the gods why they give with one hand, but take away with the other? Why they make me Earl, yet kill my son?”

Lagertha: “We can have more sons.”

Ragnar: “Have we not tried?”

When they reach Uppsala, Lagertha and Ragnar talk to the Gods:

Lagertha: “Freyr, lord, fill me with seed and give me a son. Do as you will with me, make me blind or deaf if you want to, but give me a son. Accept the sacrifices of blood we make to you, the honor we offer you. My lord, make me conceive again before it’s too late.”

Ragnar: “Lord of lords, father, hear my prayer. Let me understand your will. Is it true that I shall have more sons like the seer says? Accept the sacrifice I plan to offer you and then answer me. Who will bear me my son?”

Notice that Ragnar is already doubting Lagertha will bear him another child and searching for the fulfillment of his prophecy elsewhere. Aslaug was yet to be introduced at this point.

Seer: “Do you think your husband is in some kind of danger?”

Lagertha: “I’ve had strange and disturbing dreams.”

Seer: “What happens in your dreams?” 

Lagertha: “Dark shapes come to me at night. Monstrous forms. When I wake, they skulk in the shadows, shapeless, but no sooner am I asleep than they creep forward again.”

Seer: “Ah, yes. The shadows come from hell’s hall. No one can ensnare them, not even the gods.”

Lagertha: “What is it that they want?” 

Seer: “To take something from you.”

Lagertha: “My life?” 

Seer: “No, something far more important to you than that.”

Lagertha: “My husband’s life? Tell me.”

Seer: “Why must you all force me up and unearth me to sorrows? Your husband is in danger, but not for his life. He is in danger from the magical world.”

Lagertha: “How? Answer me.”

Seer: “I was unwilling to speak and I will say no more now!”

The Seer is clearly disturbed by Lagertha’s insistence and dismisses her. 

In the following scene, Arne and Torstein see Aslaug bathing and she seems curious at the mention of his name. I think, as a Völva, she knew her destiny was with Ragnar and told his men that Ragnar should apologize to her on their behalf.

Ragnar: “Who is she, anyway, to put such a high price on her nakedness?”

Arne: “We didn’t ask.”

Ragnar: “I’m intrigued.”

Bjorn: “What’s so intriguing?" 

Ragnar: "Sometimes the gods put things like this in front of us as some kind of test.”

Ragnar then challenges Aslaug to join them neither dressed nor undressed.Neither hungry nor full, neither in company nor alone.

Siggy: “What did the Seer tell you?" 

Lagertha: "He said that it’s true; That Ragnar is in danger.”

Siggy: “From whom?" 

Lagertha: "I don’t know.”

Siggy: “Who do you think?" 

Lagertha: "I think he is in danger from himself.”

Lagertha knows Ragnar is ambitious and this scene is symbolic because as we talk about free will and fate, Lagertha is working on a loom. The Norse people believed the fate was woven by the Norns and so the female’s role of weaving, spinning, etc was related not only to the Norns but also to the practitioners of seiðr. 

Any kind of textile work, particularly weaving, was believed to be a way of exercising supernatural power. One enigmatic aspect of seiðr is that it was connected with ergi ‘unmanliness’. If seiðr was spinning, it would certainly be unmanly for men, because spinning was the most characteristic women’s work. The feminine character of spinning also fits with seiðr in other ways. Firstly, manipulation of other people’s lives was also done by other kinds of women’s work.

There’s another important scene that implies this symbolism: Floki and King Horik’s conversation happens as they see a spider’s web. Floki is saying that the wolf Fenrir couldn’t be constrained by any mean known to humans.

Floki: “I came to ask about Jarl Borg. He won’t sell. He wants to make a deal.”

King Horik: “I’m not interested in deals.”

Floki: “That would make it hard for Ragnar.”

King Horik: “Ragnar will come to the right conclusion, and make the right decision.”

Floki: “Don’t you care if the negotiations fail? 

King Horik: “Mm Look!" 

Horik shows Floki how the spider attacks the fly trapped in its web. The web here can represent more than fate. Horik sent Ragnar to a doomed mission in hope Borg and Ragnar would destroy themselves and he would be rid of two problems at once. Let’s remember Ragnar is getting more famous than the King himself. Jarl Borg tried to convince Ragnar to form an alliance against King Horik and then asked Rollo to join him against Ragnar. There are more threats to Ragnar than the arrival of Aslaug.

When Aslaug agrees to follow Ragnar and his companions to the Ash tree that is believed to be Yggdrasil, he asks her:

“Why did you come along with me?” 

Aslaug: “Because I had no choice.”

Ragnar kisses her for the first time and later on when Aslaug gives him the news she is pregnant, she says:

"I’m carrying your child. Did the Seer not promise you more sons?”

We might interpreter her words as a sign she knew of her role in Ragnar’s fate and that’s why she mentioned she had no choice earlier. Ragnar is conflicted because while he seems pleased his prophecy is being fulfilled, he knows Lagertha won’t take it lightly.  

Now we have to examine the reasons why Lagertha could be suspicious Aslaug bewitched Ragnar.

The vǫlur were referred to by many names. Old Norse völva means “wand carrier” or “carrier of a magic staff”, and it continues Proto-Germanic *walwōn, which is derived from a word for “wand”.

Historical and mythological depictions of vǫlur show that they were held in high esteem and believed to possess such powers that even Odin consulted a völva to learn what the future had in store for the gods. Such an account is preserved in the Völuspá, which roughly translates to “Prophecy of the Völva ”.

In addition to the unnamed seeress (possibly identical with Heiðr) in the Vǫluspá, other examples of vǫlur in Norse literature include Gróa in Svipdagsmál, Þórbjǫrgr in the Saga of Erik the Red and Huld in Ynglinga saga.

The vǫlur were not considered to be harmless. The goddess who was most skilled in magic was Freyja, and she was not only a goddess of love, but also a warlike divinity who caused screams of anguish, blood and death, and what Freyja performed in Asgard, the world of the gods, the vǫlur tried to perform in Midgard, the world of men. The weapon of the völva was not the spear, the axe or the sword, but instead, they were held to influence battles with different means, and one of them was the wand.

The vǫlur were known for their art of seduction, which was one of the reasons why they were considered dangerous. One of the stanzas in Hávamál warns against sexual intercourse with a woman who is skilled in magic, because the one who does so runs the risk of being caught in a magic bond and also risks getting ill. Freyja, who is the mistress of seiðr, has a free sexual life that gives her a bad reputation in certain myths.

One of the methods for seducing men may have been the use of drugs. In Fyrkat, the grave of a völva revealed the use of henbane, a drug which not only produces hallucinations but can also be a powerful aphrodisiac. If Freyja was the goddess of love in Asgard, the völva was her counterpart in Midgard.

There’s also an interesting post by @dyannehs that points out a new interpretation of the archaeological evidence of women being buried with weapons as being practitioners of seiðr and not female warriors/shieldmaidens.

This hypothesis doesn’t dismiss the shieldmaiden entirely. There’s room for a sword-wielding woman if we ever gather enough evidence to support it. But that would not have been the normal role for women in battle. This hypothesis states that if women went into battle (and if they did, then they would have been a very small minority on the field), then they were not warriors but sorceresses, who would literally be casting spells and reciting charms and curses left and right and practicing magic in an attempt to sway the outcome and protect their own men and homes.  

These women would have been in commune with the Valkyries and the gods, urging the fate of the battle in a certain direction. And the weapons found in their graves were not meant to be used but were symbolic of prowess in battle as something removed from warriors.  

After all, how else can you physically represent the power of magic in battle?

And we know that sorcery in battle was a legitimate thing. Practitioners of seiðr had a wide range of battle magic and could perform such feats as instilling fear into the enemy, hindering the enemy’s movements, strengthening armour and weapons, weakening armour and weapons, providing invulnerability, providing other protections from weapons and enemy sorcery, killing enemy soldiers, fighting and killing enemy seiðr practitioners, and breaking enemy curses. 

While a Völva was highly respected, there was also a reverential fear for the power they held. I don’t believe Aslaug manipulated or bewitched Ragnar. I think she only knew her destiny was entwined with his. I talked about Aslaug’s fate here as well.

Sources: 

Seiðr

Old Norse religion in long-term perspectives

Women and Magic in the Sagas

Völva: Sexual Rites and Drugs

Seiðr and Norse Shamanism

Spae-craft, Seiðr and Shamanism

Viking Women

Norns

[ninja8tyu]

My therapist told me once that a lot of people see therapists, but it doesn’t seem like that because it’s not like people tell others about it.

Now that I’m writing this, I question why snapshoting your lunch is more interesting than therapy, but I digress.

I’m going to tell you about what it’s like to go see therapists. It isn’t as bad as others make it out to be, and it means nothing bad to go see one; only that you are taking care of your mental health. Push away people who say that you’re demented.

I went through multiple therapists through childhood. I was never told why, but I can deduce it.

If it wasn’t the autistic breakdowns and anger issues, along with constant bullying and disproportionate retaliation (I still think it’s fair), I have no clue.

But before I do go on wholesome journey, I’m going to give an example in my life where a therapist (if that was a therapist; my memory only recalls an interview-like room, but it’s indeterminate if it was a therapist or not, as it seemed to be more of a questioning and interrogation rather than the therapy I know of, but i suppose it still applies, as people around my age at the time, I feel, would feel uncomfy talking to adults (I’m more comfy talking to adults than kids my age, just to note, according to other people and personal affirmation) and a therapist may seem intimidating because of the age gap or size difference) basically contributed to my anxiety and distrust in everyone.

Not to bring hate to that therapist, but at the same time, go back to the kitchen bitch, but how this therapist destroyed my trust is basically because I made a terrible joke. Being autistic didn’t grant me the normal ability to determine what was okay to say in certain situations the moment I was born, and I had to learn it throughout life. I think I was frustrated with my mom over my computer (which now I realize how deep my addiction to the web goes) and joked about an elaborate plan that would hurt my mom if she took it away.

Now, this joke was a joke because it was impossible to pull at my age. Putting myself in her shoes, I wonder what she would be thinking. Did she take the joke too seriously? Did she actually consider a 7 year old a threat to human life? Fuck if I know, but my mom was contacted, and boy, did I stop trusting them then.

In defense of her, that was still a threat, and therefore better safe than sorry. In attack towards her, your idiocy fucked me up enough to not make proper use of mental health professionals. The defense is weak in that my threat was empty and fangless. Weighing the options, I think that the dumbest option was chosen (which is why I doubt her status as a therapist: she’s clinically retarded).

So because of that incident, I didn’t really had a fun time with therapists after a very long time, up until high school.

From what my therapist said, it seems like people like me make the mistake that seeing a therapist and/or taking medication is a magical cure to depression and all our personality problems. I can attest to that.

They do not engage in mind-control or the mystical arts. They are more like conversation partners than anything else.

The mistake we make is thinking that something else will solve our problem, but the truth is that the change we want has to come from us. The therapists and medicine helps to aid it, not make it come to be.

I didn’t think that medicine or therapy would help me though, as before high school, I believed that I was right the entire time, and the world was fucked up.

Well, the world is still fucked up, sharing some of the reasons why I believed why that is plus more, but not all of it that ended up to be delusions.

I spent my time telling the therapists how I’m right, and explaining my reasoning. Lucky that I didn’t pass them off as mind-controlled too, and tried to debate rather than go flat-earther over global morality. I guess I assumed that I was powerful enough to wipe mind control or I could appeal to their reason and emotion to destroy the control, assuming it was there. Fuck if I know. I wanna know what that little brat that was once me was thinking as well. But I digress.

The therapists I saw, the visits don’t really stick into my head, but I recall them always suggesting new possibilities in my head. Rather than linear thinking, they suggested other thoughts that might have occurred with others. Now that I’m typing this, I feel that something I might have done back then in response was “well, it’s a stupid way of thinking, and they should go die” which would explain why I didn’t just become a better person then. It’s because I was more smarter back then than now. I overthink and try to live in theory, rather than see and know what is in front of me, and living in the world I know I’m in. After all, I can’t apply “everyone has good will” when I’m living in “everyone is out to get you, literally, just check your memories and the fact that they’re still doing it”. But I digress.

Eventually, therapy stopped. If I ever went to see a therapist, it was because I was in trouble. Saw my counselor too, who basically acted like one.

Anxiety and depression basically were gangbanging me during the time, and I was controlled by constant fear and wanting to kill everyone the first chance I got where no one would be left surviving. Never happened for obvious reasons. Also, the US didn’t give me nuclear codes. Nor did ISIS give me an AK. No one trusts me with a weapon, which is oddly funny and annoying. But I digress.

My mental state went to shit. I remember reading in a report where it included a history of my past “misconduct”, one event that I found funny was the fact that they recorded a threat I made. It included ripping someone’s mouth off and shoving it in their ear so they could hear what they were saying. I hold my child self in high regard for this reason, but at the same time, I also want to shoot him for doing stupid shit that I wouldn’t do in clarity. He’s still a legend in my eyes, but I digress.

My counselor wasn’t a therapist, but damn did she pull me out of a portion of my depression. She played a major part for putting trust in other people. Depression and anxiety took over, I didn’t want to hold it in anymore, and so I told her that she thought I was a nuisance, that she should just stop pretending to be nice, and just toss me aside. She said that she did care for me, though in an angry voice. She was mad that I put words in her mouth. But her words told me that people weren’t all out to get me, and that I’m not hated behind everyone’s backs. I didn’t think and still do think that people can’t lie when they are angry like that.

Then high school came. I had just about it with depression, and I asked to go see a therapist for antidepressants. I didn’t really trust therapists that much still, but somehow, that step made me effectively use the help I got. But yeah.

My therapist noted how the first time I met her, I was like “I’m just here for my magic drugs. Nothing else.” Funny, looking back at it. The therapy helped more than the antidepressants.

I managed to convince my “drugs are brainwash” parents (who are stupid and easily manipulative (often exploited by my brother to make me feel worse), which, even if they disagreed, an annoying child begging for it will always win against such parents, and while it never got to that point, I got the help) to let me get antidepressants (due to cheap price, studying effects of it, also my therapist helped) to help me get better.

I asked someone on tumblr as an anon who I knew was taking antidepressants, and the key thing I took was that the drug is not going to instantly cure me. It isn’t an instant happy pill. It’s a clutch that helps you move through life. Some people even life with depression, never really getting rid of it completely, but they learn to live with it regardless.

My experience with taking antidepressants were introductory, or for mild depression (just to note, I have dysthymia). It made me less dead on the inside. Didn’t make me happy, but I noticed a lack of apathy. 

I don’t think the drugs worked because of my more severe depression, and the more obvious reason: my family was making me miserable and suicidal.

You can’t get over depression when people are continuing to put you down. I’m finding a fond interest in murder and torture because of them. I want to get over it, but if I have a toxic family who counteracts any help I get to my mental state, then what’s the result going to be? Hint: I don’t get better.

Family therapy is out of the question, and getting professional help for the biggest fucker contributing to it (brother) is too, since “mind-control” and “government conspiracy” and “I’m crazy, literally, being autistic and all”. So yeah. 17 years wasted wallowing in depression because of a shitty state in a shitty country and shitty family. If I haven’t expressed my rage for my family and those who have made me miserable enough, just take it as true that if I have the ability to, I would enact something that would put a number of people countable on two hands through the type of hell that rivals the holocaust and gulags with their tens of millions of people who suffered in terms of inhumanity and immorality. I digress.

And then I cut myself for the first time. Thanks to my big brother. My mental state was no longer stable, and also the start of when I get kicked out of two discord groups consecutively.

I was still too scared to tell my therapist more about my life out of fear that I’d be sent to a mental hospital, so I went onto the internet, where I could vent about my problems and express my rage anonymously and safely (ignoring hackers and the like).

During this time, I learned a lot of things that really hit me and hurt damn badly, and I couldn’t really blame half of them because it was quite literally caused by me. Venting around on the web didn’t turn out so good.

I’m worth no more than shit to someone I know to be intelligent, whom I had assumed before then that only geniuses could understand the pain I went through. The person here also went through rough shit, possibly worse than I ever had. I had no excuse nor explanation to myself why this is other than that it is what it is, and what is, is that I’m worth below that of manure.

Then I joined a community full of degenerates. The thing that hits me lightly is that I got rejected by a bunch of misfits in society, who are literal nazis, hypocrites, criminals, rejects, et cetera. I want a majority of the people in there dead. I learned a few things like that the people with power are the people you must obey, or you will suffer. I learned that corruption isn’t given a damn about. Systems will gladly run on immorality, so long as it isn’t moral yet. I earn that people are actually willing to us any amount of effort to put up facades to be nice while they absolutely despise you behind their backs.

Alternate accounts let me find some of things people have said while I was banned. I hated it.

I’m pretty sure some of my fits of rage online are on some cringe comp, but I digress.

And then my weekly visit with my therapist came around. My mental state becoming worse and worse, starting with my brother who actively makes me miserable, to being banned from places I felt belonging to because of my mental instability, I had no fear of going to a mental hospital.

Better there than with a shitty family that makes me miserable. I couldn’t care less what drugs they inject into me, so long as it helps me.

I walked in, telling her that I no longer fear going to a mental hospital. I’m going to be honest. There is nothing good left to lose. Just the bad is left to lose, and I’m begging on the inside to lose them.

And then I cried. Told her about how I felt worthless, powerless, useless, a waste, how miserable my life felt, and so on and so on.

I expressed my rage, and how I hated them. I wanted them dead. I never deserved this. What did I do to deserve this? Why give birth to me to make me go through hell? I never asked to be born, and yet people are treating me as if I decided to be born in hell.

Yeah, death threats I made. I’m lucky my therapist didn’t just call the FBI and sick ‘em on me. She was understanding, and knew I was going through a bad time. Not everyone gets the same treatment, I understand, but I have a point here.

The thing I feel about letting it all out, is that because I let it all-out, I’m open to judgement, and therefore correction. My therapist talked with me, I put out my thoughts, she did hers, and the problems begin to become solved. Though, having an interest in psychology and sharing basic knowledge of it helped exponentially. Also, working on emotional intelligence helped too.

I feel that most people don’t really talk about their problems, and they never resolve themselves. They may hold some kind of opinion or thought that would be really bad to have if a situation popped up where they applied that. And when it pops up, they then make a bad decision. But of course, they can’t talk to anyone about them out of fear of judgement.

I feel that therapy works best when you’re honest and unafraid of judgement. You have to be willing to put out your thoughts and let them be vulnerable, and accept when you’re wrong. Also, mental hospitals aren’t that bad, apparently. They do inject strong drugs for people with certain conditions, but that’s because they’re fit to deal with side-effects better than at home or in a standard check-up hospital. Other people’s words, not mine. I haven’t been to one yet.

For me, my problem was to come to terms with the world I believe to be corrupted, and personal problems. I asked why are there killer cops? Why on Earth is the school system built where it rewards bullies but punishes victims? What is the universal cause that turns people bad? Am I the bad guy?

My solution was to let my thoughts be open to be judged and criticized. And it worked for me.

I think I should say that it may not work for you if you go see a therapist. It may not be the best person that would help you, or that you still need time to mentally prep yourself.

As for me, I’m probably not going to see my therapist any more. I’m scare that she’s putting up a kind facade, but actually hates me. I don’t want to be a bratty nuisance that still couldn’t get better after two years and coming back to old issues. I just fear that being true.

My mental state is beginning to deteriorate as a result of being stuck at home with a mentally and emotionally abusive family over the summer. I had starved myself for a short duration (~16 hrs) before realizing that was stupid, and I was basically suggesting to kill my body in an attempt to prove a point (a human can last months without food, but it wouldn’t be worth losing brain development time, especially my life, since I know they wouldn’t be more nicer even if I starved myself).

Also, still no psychiatrist visit for some fucking reason. Medicine can help, but with a family that thinks drugs are products of the devil, it’s more likely for me to go on a psychosis than them ever consider that drugs aren’t that bad. Also, fuck the US for putting a bad name on drugs and the drug war. Literally, not even medical drugs like antidepressants that can help people get better are safe from the toxic culture it bred. Also fuck DARE. You increased drug addiction. Go fuck yourselves. Also fuck the cops for being biased against the mentally ill and the “special” ones. Fuck the system for the same reason. Fuck the world for still thinking they’re morally upright when they still do immoral acts. Fuck the people who let it happen for any reason. Fuck this snowflake society that can’t do anything but complain, because a revolt would be too much work for their fragile asses. Fuck the political system and the government for working based on who pays the most, seldom morality and justice. Fuck my family for being stupid and abusive. Fuck society and how they think that if it isn’t the worst that it could be, then you have no right to complain and correct your problems. Fuck political correctness and how it prioritizes being unoffensive over actually solving problems. Fuck the UN for being incompetent.

[forever-rogue]

Take Care of You - Part IV

Summary: Y/N was never a big one for getting into trouble, but there was something about Billy Russo that couldn’t deny. A magnetic sort of danger hung around him and she couldn’t look away.

A/N: Thank you guys for all your support on this series so far! I appreciate i! Taglists are open, Requests currently closed. xx

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warning: Slight Language

PART I | PART II | PART III

MASTERLIST

(PS  - All links on my main page. Sorry Tumblr’s still not letting links work!!)

Over the next several weeks, Y/N threw herself into her work, taking on more complicated projects she knew would require her time and attention. It hadn’t proven to be as successful as she wished though, because her thoughts still drifted back to Billy. It also didn’t help that he was still texting her on a daily basis. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Y/N blinked a few times as she was pulled back into reality. He had texted her a few minutes before, asking her, once again, to call him. It would be a lie to say she hadn’t contemplated it.

“Hmm?” she asked, swiveling her chair around to come face to face with her boss.

“Are you alright? You seem off lately,” he commented as he came over and looked at the work that was up on the her computer screen, “you’ve been working extremely hard, and I think you might need a break.”

“Nothing’s wrong,“ she insisted, trying to weakly defend herself, “I’ve just wanted to...get a lot of work done. That’s all.”

“I think you should take a few days off,” he insisted with a small sigh as she looked at him in horror, “just to recharge if nothing else.”

“But-”

“No,”

“I’m fine-”

“Just do what I say for once, okay?” he sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He did love her spunk, but sometimes he wished she would just give him and listen to him.

“Fine,” she reluctantly agreed, giving him a weak nod, “I’ll finish and go.”

“Just come back next Monday. You’ll be fresh and relaxed,” he gave her a pat on shoulder, preventing her from saying anything else before he left. Y/N watched him go, sighing to herself as she saved her work before powering off of her computer. She knew avoiding Billy would be hard as ever without the distraction of work.

Y/N decided to walk home slowly, taking care to spend as much time as possible, observing sights and sounds she normally overlooked. Putting in her headphones, she let out a small sigh and decided to take the longer and more scenic path. Whatever could keep her mind occupied.

Looking around, she pulled her coat tighter around to keep away the cold. She wished she would have remembered her scarf and gloves, but she was going to have to make the best of it. At least she had her music to keep her mind busy.

Rounding a corner, caught up in singing along to the song that was playing, she didn’t bother to check before crossing the street. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that there were still a few seconds left for her to cross.

Nothing seemed out of place until she looked up and saw the shocked faces of onlookers staring at her. Confused she looked up and saw a car heading rapidly at her, but she couldn’t bring herself to move. It was like her feet were firmly planted on the ground. Preparing herself for the worst, she braced for a painful impact. But, rather, her breath was knocked out of her when she pushed away and collapsed onto the cold concrete. Voices were all around her as people swarmed to make sure she was okay.

“Oh my God,” was all she managed to get out as she took a few deep raggedy breaths, her chest rising and falling quickly. She felt a sharp sting in her hands and looked, seeing that they were scraped and bloody, along with her right knee. She pushed the hair out of her face, not even caring about the blood she was getting everywhere. Pain throughout her body was in quickly.

“Y/N! Y/N,” the voice came from right next to her, but it seemed so distant, “are you okay?”

She remained silent, only a few sobs racking her body as she stared off into the distance. She felt a pair of strong arms help her stand up. Y/N remained wordless and as she let whoever was her savior take control. She couldn’t bring herself to look anywhere but straight ahead  - it was like time was frozen and nothing was real. She had never experienced anything like this before.

Letting out a shaky breath while waking up from a nightmare, Y/N sat up bolt right in the bed she was currently lying in. She rubbed her eyes as she looked outside and saw only complete darkness. Taking a moment to steady her breathing and collect her thoughts. Remembering the events from earlier, she looked at her palms and knee, and noticed they were deftly bandaged up.

“Fuck,” she said quietly to herself as she realized she was in an unfamiliar place. Slowly, and sorely, Y/N got up and walked to the window, looking out and observing the nighttime view. It was different from what she normally saw from her own bedroom window, “oh fucking fuck.”

Y/N flipped on the light in room and observed herself in the big free standing mirror. She looked worn down and tired, her hair sloppily thrown into a bun, her clothes torn in places. Gingerly lifting her shirt, she observed small bruises littering her upper half. She winced when she touched one of the dark spots. She knew she would be in even more pain come tomorrow.

She walked to the closed bedroom door and opened it slowly, finding herself walking into a brightly lit hallway. Stepping out quietly, she looked around and saw that it was a simple place, decorated only with a few expensive looking pieces of art. Someone with money clearly lived there.

“Hello?” she asked quietly, padding along silently. After a few quiet moments, she heard some commotion from the kitchen, followed by the smell of food. Her stomach growled almost as soon as the smell hit her; she hadn’t realized how hungry she was.

Walking around the corner, Y/N saw a man standing in the lux kitchen, back to her as he concentrated on something on the stove. Walking up quietly, she approached the counter and loudly cleared her throat. He must not have heard her at first, but she startled him, causing him to curse quietly under his breath.

“Hello,” she repeated softly as she waited for the man to reveal himself. He set the pan down and whipped around, a large smile on his face. It took her a moment to process everything, but when she realized who it was - “what the fuck, Billy?!”

“Uhh, hello to you too?” he asked as the smirk worked its way off of his face. He leaned against the counter arms crossing his chest, “no, thank you or anything? All I get is a what the fuck?”

“Of course,” she sighed as she placed a bandaged hand on her forehead, “it had to be you. Because why else would it be anyone else? It could literally have been anyone!”

“Jeeze, I would expect someone who almost got killed today to be a little more thankful, or you know happy to be alive,” he said almost incredulously. She shrugged her shoulders, “you are something else, you know that?”

“Yeah, well, you’re a bit of a dick,” she countered, “but yes, thank you for saving my life. Today was not the day I wanted to die, so thanks for that I guess.”

“For someone who claims they didn’t want to die, you sure seem to have very little sense of self preservation,” he said as he stirred the soup he was making, “what were you even thinking?”

“Look, I was just walking home,” she rolled her eyes at him as she took a seat on one of the stools at the bar, “I guess I just got lost in my thoughts. I don’t know, things happened so fast.”

“You live in a hugely populated and busy city, and decided to not pay attention when you were crossing the street, with your headphones in?” he said as he tried to wrap his brain around her actions, “Y/N-”

“Billy, just drop it, okay?” she put her hands up in exasperation. She wasn’t looking for a fight. Her head was still pounding and she just wanted to eat, “I made a foolish mistake and should have been more careful. Thank you for putting yourself in danger and saving me. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“I don’t want to fight-”

“Really? Because that’s what it seems like right now,” she narrowed her eyes at him, “look, I’m just going to go. My head’s killing me and this isn’t helping. But thanks for taking care of me.”

“Y/N, don’t be foolish,” Billy said as he turned off the stove. She slid off the stool and headed for the door, looking around for her things, “Y/N, please. You’re not well. Don’t walk out like this.”

“What do you want then, Billy?” she almost shouted at him, trying to calm herself down.

“I just...I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he sighed at her, running a hand through his hair, causing it be become disheveled, “look - you’ve been avoiding me for weeks, and then I finally see you again and you’re about to be hit by a car. You almost scared me to death!”

“I’m sorry, a million times sorry you had to see that, but I don’t know what else you want me to say,” she sighed as she tried to ward off the tears that had welled up in the back of her eyes, “please, can we just drop this?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he agreed as he saw that she was getting upset, “I’m sorry, I was just worried. You haven’t left my mind since...that day. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I-”

“Don’t worry about it,” he stopped her before she could get another word in, “the bathroom’s down the hall, you can take a shower there. There’s clothes in the spare bedroom you can use. Dinner’s going to be ready soon. You can help yourself to whatever you need or want.”

“Billy,” she said softly, “thank you, truly. I’ll head home in the morning. I just want to sleep off my headache mostly.”

“Of course,” he nodded as he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, “if you need anything, just let me know. Otherwise, have a good evening. I’m headed into the office early so I probably won’t see you. Just...at least text me to let me know you made it home okay.”

“I will, yeah,” she agreed. He gave her a small tight lipped smile as he headed back into the kitchen to get himself some dinner, “Billy?”

“Hmm?”

“I am sorry for how things turned out. I realize we didn’t exactly part on the best terms,” she admitted and he remained motionless, “but, I do think it’s for the best. We really wouldn’t have worked out. But I do think we can remain friends.”

“Friends,” he repeated a slight crack in his voice as he slowly nodded, “of course.”

“Thanks, Bill,” Y/N said quietly as she headed to the shower, ready to relax under the hot water. Her whole body was just tired and sore, and all she wanted was some peace and quiet.

Billy watched her go, a frown quickly replacing the fake smile he had given her. Friends? He thought to himself, mentally rolling his eyes. That was the least of what he wanted.

“Way to go,” he said annoyed to himself. He opened the fridge and grabbed a beer out, slamming the door harshly as he headed into his bedroom, “way to fuck things up even more!”

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[kathrynmaslow]

Love Lies 5/15

Summary: Ever since Emma was 13, she knew she had the ability to destroy people if she wanted to, and some days, she really wanted to. After being forced to go to Greenwood Academy following a traumatizing event in her childhood that brought to the surface her ability to manipulate fire, she never thought she would be free of the place. So for nearly 10 years, she lived a solitary existence with the exception of her best friends, but that was all about to change.

Killian Jones had just been sentenced to attend the university campus at Greenwood Academy after an accident at sea caused him to be dishonorably discharged from Her Majesty’s royal Navy and lose his hand. He doesn’t know what to think about these newfound powers and what they spell for the rest of his now not-so-normal life. But a chance encounter one day has the ability to change all of that.

A story about love and redemption between two people that shows, if you have the right person beside you, you can find a light in the darkness.

Rating: M Content Warnings: Mentions of Violence/Death, Brief mention of Childhood Abuse/Sexual Assault, Mild Sexual Content Chapter Notes: Chapter 5 is here folks! This is actually one of my favorite chapters in this entire work so I am excited for you to read it as well!

Check out the amazing art work that my artist @princesse-swan did for both chapter 3 on tumblr. Thanks again as always to my beta @daveyjacobsthepotterhead for taking this work and helping me turn it into something great. You are the literal best.

Read on FF

Catch up on Tumblr: One  Two  Three  Four

Art by @princesse-swan here

Chapter 5 Emma sat down on the edge of the wall surrounding the plant beds at the entrance to campus from the dorms. Unwrapping her grilled cheese and tomato sandwich, she looked out at the rows of dorm buildings lining the main walk onto the academic campus.

The sidewalks were abandoned, with nary a soul on campus to be found. Many of the students went home during the fall break about halfway through the term, and Emma took advantage of some time just to herself that she didn’t have to spend in her room.

While she enjoyed time with her friends while they were on campus, she did enjoy having the campus pretty much to herself during the breaks where everyone who wasn’t high risk got to go home. If she remembered correctly, after Elsa moved into a community in Alaska last summer, there were about 17 other students that had a full run of the campus to themselves.

Losing Elsa as a friend had been hard. She had arrived at the academy after Emma had, and could have been considered her polar opposite in every way. While Emma burned hot, Elsa burned cold, with extensive gifts of ice and snow, she proved quite the challenge for the staff to contain, considering that she could freeze off her suppression gear and not be affected by them at all. She was someone that Emma could relate to, someone who could understand the beast that prowled beneath her skin, and losing that confidant last semester had been something that she truly hadn’t fully bounced back from yet.

Taking a bite out of her sandwich, Emma just sat and watched the leaves fall from the trees.

o.O.o

Killian didn’t know what to think about how quiet the campus had become once fall break had begun.

Yes, he had been told that all the students who weren’t high risk students would be allowed to visit home for the two weeks that classes were on break, but he hadn’t realized how truly empty the campus would feel.

He spent the first two days of the break wandering around campus to see who was around.

A few of the administration members were lingering around with the multitude of security officers watching the campus, but he had only run into a handful of other students.

There was one gentleman named Eric, who had the power to create storms out of thin air. He was a perfectly nice guy, but after living 6 years of his life on a boat, he decided not to trust anyone who could sink a ship on a whim.

Another woman named Cruella had the ability to control people with her voice. How they regulated that power, Killian couldn’t fathom, but it was probably for the best.

On the third day, it seemed as though he was in luck.

While wandering through the abandoned floors of the library, he stumbled upon Emma bent over another drawing book sketching.

Thankfully she didn’t have any headphones over her ears this time, so he didn’t have any chance of ruining her artwork, but he still made the effort to make a bit of noise against the door as he walked in.

Emma looked up at him in shock.

“Killian, what are you doing here?” She asked.

“Wandering through the library, but I don’t suppose that is what you meant by the question.” He stated. He had never mentioned to her that he was a high risk student before and Killian had to imagine that this was a bit of a shock.

“I am so sorry, that completely came out wrong. However, that was what I had meant by the poorly phrased question.” Emma said, tucking her hair behind her ear as she flushed in what Killian presumed was embarrassment.

“It’s fine Swan, truly. I know you didn’t mean anything horrible by the remark.”

“I am a bit curious though, what kind of powers do you have that make you a high risk student?” Emma said, pushing her notebook to the side and leaning towards him.

He caught a glance at the notebook as it turned towards him slightly, and he grasped at the chance to change the subject. He didn’t even like thinking about his powers, so he really didn’t want to talk about them with someone else.

“Emma, this is amazing.”

It was, truly. Drawn out on the page was the image of a woman, long black hair hanging over her shoulders, one bloody hand clutching a dagger to her chest and the other grasping a heart. There was no color to the design yet, but she had shaded in where the blood was likely soaked into the woman’s hair and dress. The entire thing was hauntingly beautiful.

“I know an attempt to distract me when I hear it.” Emma said.

“I wasn’t trying to distract you, I genuinely like your art.” He retorted.

“I also am pretty good at knowing when someone is lying to me. And while you do like peeking at my sketches, you were lying that this wasn’t a distraction.” Emma said, looking adorably smug when she said it.

He couldn’t help but smile in response. “Fine,” Killian said, rolling his eyes. “Maybe I was trying to get you off my tale, but I would prefer not to talk about this. It’s not something I am truly comfortable with and, while I do enjoy your company and think of you fondly like a friend, I don’t think this is something I can tell you about.”

Emma stared at him for a long moment before nodding her head.

“I can accept that, there are things about myself, and events that have happened to me that I don’t talk about to anyone else. I can understand needing time to process things that are traumatic before being able to open up to someone else.” She said.

“Since we aren’t talking about anything related to our powers or our past,” She said, pausing to look up at him meaningly. “Why don’t you tell me something that I probably wouldn’t know about you.” She said.

When Emma was smiling at him like that, He couldn’t deny her anything.

“I actually am a bit artistic myself. I do the occasional doodle.” Killian said.

Emma’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Really, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“There are a lot of things about me that you wouldn’t expect Swan.” He said, relishing the flush that spread across her face in response to his quirked eyebrow and tongue in cheek.

“Alright Killian, let’s see what you can do.” She said, pulling blank sheets from her book for the both of them and handing him a pencil.

“What do you want me to draw for you Love?” He asked, taking the pencil from her and working to move the paper into the position he wanted it in with his other wrist.

“Whatever inspires you right now.” She said.

He looked up into her bright green eyes and knew exactly what he wanted to draw.

“How long are you going to give me?” Killian asked.

“Let’s say, finish in an hour. Whatever you can finish by that point in time is what you’ve got.” Emma said.

“Challenge Accepted.” He said, turning to his work and beginning his attempt at replicating perfection.

o.O.o

Emma and Killian were spending the afternoon out in the courtyard between the college campus and the lower campus when they heard it.

Killian stopped mid-sentence in his retelling of how his brother got stuck by the back of his shorts in a tree when they were younger and cocked his head.

“Swan, does that sound like crying to you?” He asked.

Emma listened harder, facing further towards the lower campus where Killian was pointing towards. Sure enough, it did sound like someone was crying.

She stood, gesturing for Killian to follow, heading towards the lower campus.

Normally, students on the college campus were not allowed to venture onto the lower campus, but since it was a school break, students were allowed to roam the grounds as they pleased.

They walked past the first handful of buildings before they could finally locate the sound.

Curled into a ball between two of the buildings and crying into his hands was a boy with a mop of brown hair.

The young boy could have been no more than 12, which was incredibly young for someone to come to the academy.

But then again, Emma had arrived around that age as well.

Emma flashed back to one of her first days on the campus, reeling from being separated from her family and forced to move halfway across the country to a place she didn’t know and getting surrounded by people she was unfamiliar with.

She had also spent a few nights crying from the loss. The loss of her brother, the loss of her mother, the loss of the only home she had known.

The loss of her normal life.

She turned to see Killian watching her with a speculative gaze. She only shook her head at him.

Turning back to the little boy, she walked slowly towards him, since he still hadn’t noticed them standing there.

“Hey, are you okay?” She asked, crouching down in front of him.

The boy visibly started, looking up at her in surprise.

“What? Who are you?” He asked.

“My name is Emma, and this is Killian,” She said, gesturing behind her at Killian, who was still standing back from them at a good distance.

She noted that his blunt wrist was tucked behind his back.

“Are you okay?” She asked again.

The boy sniffled, nodding his head in agreement even though a few fat tears still escaped his eyes to fall down his cheeks.

“What’s your name?”

“Henry,” He said, sticking his hand out in greeting.

“Well Henry, it is a pleasure to meet you. When did you start your stay here?” Emma asked. He didn’t seem the type to be a new high risk student since he didn’t have any suppression items on that she could see, but you never know.

“My mom dropped me off this morning.” Henry said, sniffing loudly again, his lower lip quivering.

“Well, it sounds like you could use a friend, would you like to hang out with me and my friend for the rest of the day?” Emma asked.

Nodding his head, he stood up and fell into her extended arms.

He shook a little with quiet cries, and Emma rubbed his back in a soothing manner.

Killian came around in front of her, and placed his hand on the back of Henry’s shoulders and rubbed slow circles as well.

“You know Henry, I remember my first night that I spent away from all my family.” Killian said.

Henry pulled away from her slightly, turning to look at Killian.

“Really, I thought it was the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to me at the time.” Killian admitted. “Would you like to hear about it?”

“Is it a scary story?” Henry asked, standing fully away from Emma.

“Not really, it only seemed like it at the time. Why don’t you come for a walk with Emma and I, we had a lunch sitting out in the courtyard.” Killian stood, extending his gloved hand for Henry to take.

Emma smiled, watching Killian lead Henry towards their impromptu picnic sight, weaving an exaggerated story of a 20 year old man sleeping away from home for the first time, and crying himself to sleep.

Killian winked over his shoulder at her once he got Henry laughing at his story.

With that wink, Emma felt something she was pretty sure would grow into love start blooming under her breast.

o.O.o

Killian was walking around campus outside.

It was pretty close to the time he went to bed, but it was fixing to storm out, lightning streaking across the sky and thunder rolling in across the campus, and it made him restless.

The barrier surrounding the campus kept out all supposed threats against their safety, but unfortunately, couldn't prevent the rain from falling on them.

His thoughts were occupied with thoughts of Henry, that young lad they had found on campus earlier.

Emma had told Killian that he was a bit of an anomaly when he mentioned that his gifts had only just manifested at 25 years, but he didn’t know they could start showing that early.

The young lad hand only just turned 12 a few weeks ago, a fact the young lad had divulged to them while they were splitting ham and cheese sandwiches and cheetos in the middle of campus during the day.

He had something relatively minor as a gift, something that doesn’t require him to stay on campus during school breaks like him and Emma have to.

When they revealed that fact to the lad, it seemed to turn his entire spirit around, from sniffeling and sad to bright and chipper.

Almost a bit too bright, considering the lad started glowing on them.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he was pretty spooked when he heard a voice off to his left.

“Killian?”

He whirled around, and found Emma sitting on a low wall surrounding a garden in the yard.

“Emma, what are you doing out here?” he asked, tucking his hand into his pocket as he made his way over to her.

“I could ask you the same thing.” She said, watching as he came over and sat down next to her.

“Couldn’t sleep, decided to go for a bit of a walk.” He said, shrugging his shoulders a bit.

“Me neither.” Emma said, pulling one of her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around it, resting her chin on her knee.

“Yeah, but I couldn’t sleep because of the storms, I don’t think that was the case for you. What’s vexing you love?”

Emma turned to look at him, but once she noticed him looking at her, she turned her face away.

A flash of lightning across the sky lit up her face for a split second, and Killian could have sworn he saw tear tracks tracing down her cheeks.

It wasn’t until after the rumble of thunder rolled over campus a couple of seconds later that she began to talk.

“I started at the academy here when I was 13, not much older than Henry is. I guess seeing him today brought back some memories of when I first arrived here.”

“I can’t even imagine what that would have been like.” He said, when it became obvious that she wasn’t going to continue. It was so unlike her to open up about anything to him when it came to how she started at the academy, so he was going to have to take it as it came.

“It was lonely.” She said, still not looking at him.

Killian watched a few more bolts of lightning flash across the sky, the air becoming damp and oppressive as the storm continued its advance towards them.

Neither one of them made any move to leave and avoid getting poured on, but Killian wasn’t inclined to leave her alone.

He never could leave her like this.

“I lost everything. Henry gets to keep his family, he gets to go back to his mom, see his dad, and play with his brothers and sister. I got none of that.” She looked over to him, her eyes rimmed in red, and something in Killian’s chest tightened.

She had obviously been out here a while before he had happened upon her.

“My mother disowned me, my father was already long gone, and I haven’t seen my older brother, my best friend and partner in crime, in person in almost ten years. I didn’t get to see him get married and I didn’t get to see the birth of my niece. And it’s not fair.”

Something in her voice cracked when she said “fair”, and Killian wanted desperately to pull her into his arms and give her a hug, but she was so closed off that he didn’t think it would be well received.

At that moment, the heavens decided to open up and the rain came pouring down on the two of them.

Killian looked up at the sky, the rain hitting his face with wet plops that made water run into his eyes and he blinked rapidly to clear them.

Turning to look at Emma, he felt the rain continue to soak into his hair and shirt, and he wondered absently if it would ruin the mechanics in his glove getting them this wet.

Getting a good look at Emma for a second, he had to choke back on a laugh.

“What?” She said, hearing his choked off laugh and turning to face him after looking up at the storm clouds above them as well.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, truly love. But you’re steaming.” Indeed, little wiffs of steam were rising from where the rain was splattering down onto her bare skin.

He pressed his lips together in an effort to keep himself under some measure of control.

But it seemed to be in vain as a large smile broke out on her face, wiping away the lingering sadness in her expression from their conversation.

“Did I never mention that I may run a bit warmer than a normal person?” She said, chuckling a bit as she asked him.

“No, but that might be a useful thing, considering that I am now soaking wet and cold.” Killian laughed.

“Oh no you don’t, that is entirely your own fault.” Emma said, moving away as he leaned towards her, but it wasn’t in fear of him. No, she could tell he was playing with her.

“Come here and warm me up Emma!” He said, lunging after her.

She leapt off of the wall with stunning speed, darting across the yard in a blur of damp blond hair trailing behind her.

And as he chased her around, moving after her and sliding around in the mud enough to cause them both to burst into further hysterics, something warm bloomed up in his chest.

It felt like the first ray of sunshine after a storm, and he wanted to hold onto that feeling as long as he could.

Wrapping his arms around her from behind as they both went sliding through another patch of mud, Killian pulled her close as he tried to keep them both upright.

They were both laughing as he turned her around to look at him, her arms coming around him in turn.

Something in her expression changed, some of the laughter and lightness transitioning into something curious.

His eyebrows pinched together, getting ready to ask her what she was thinking about when Emma pushed up on her toes and pressed her lips to his.

It was like that first ray of sun, and when the seas are calm and the sky is blue, and that first bite of fresh summer fruit after a long, cold and dark winter.

Her lips were soft against his, and he pressed back, tightening his arms around her and forming his lips more firmly with hers.

They broke apart with a start when a peel of thunder began right above them.

She gave him a tentative smile, and took his hand. “Come on sailor, let’s get you out of the rain.”

o.O.o

The rain had fried some of the electronics in his glove, and he couldn’t move his fingers the next day, but he wouldn’t have changed that night for anything.

[forfansbyfans]

Challenge Yourself: A FFBF Artist Interview

Homestuck Tarot Acts 6 & 7 - Cards Illustrated:  Queen of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Page of Swords

It’s always fascinating to see how huge the Homestuck art community is all over the world - Where are you from?

Coastal California, born and raised

We’re in love with the tarot deck! Can you tell us a little bit about how you became involved?

Aryll (who organized the event) posted about it in a Homestuck Art server I'm an admin for (the Homestuck Artists Discord Server) to help get the word out. I was one of many people who was excited by it. I'm incredibly impressed by her selections for the cards, every one was absolutely perfect. (Also she's an amazing artist, and the project is filled with incredible artists, and being able to work with them and get crits from them and see their process was also just incredibly fun and fulfilling.)

Tell us a little bit about the artwork you contributed to the deck – how does the art tie in with the meaning behind the card?

Alright, this might take a bit, partially because I did three and partially because there's a lot in there. I'll try to get into what I can!

Queen of Pentacles: The Queen of Pentacles is a perfect fit for Jane and the Nanasprites. I drew Jane as the queen she is in Propsitian regalia, with a maternal Nanasprite on each side to offer guidance, resources, compassion and playful mischief. The cake Jane's holding with the pentacle frosting represents her material wealth, financial success and security. It hints at her business and creative talents but in a way that's entirely hers, without any crockercorp baggage tainting it. She holds it with an open hand, representing her willingness to share with family and friends. She's centered in the piece, emphasizing her stability. At her feet grow pumpkins, that are both a literal image of pumpkins she grew that (though she didn't know it) sustained Roxy and an entire city of Carapacians, as well as a metaphor for the life and sustenance she creates for those around her. The life symbol on her throne furthers these themes. Lil Seb represents caution (he's on guard, ready to protect his charge) with Jane's hand on his head representing her compassion and maternal affection. (Not to mention holding him back from causing too much mischief! The Queen of Pentacles knows how to keep her family in line) In the background, prospit shines in all its glory, a flourishing kingdom of gold. Skaia shines above, an entire universe waiting to be born, in part thanks to Jane's hand, but she's down to earth and her eyes are set forward, focused on the practical, there here and now. Jane is a great character. I love her and I loved drawing her.

Four of Wands: The Four of Wands depicts S: Unite, one of my all-time favorite flashes. The alpha kids come together in person for the first time ever in a series of shenanigans and time travel. I took some artistic license with the chains on the lanterns so they'd reflect the wands in the original card. Where in the original it evokes a Chuppah, here, homestucks lanterns represents the very life force and the interconnection of the alpha kids. At that very moment, Jake's kiss has caused Dirk's lantern to burst with life, spreading the light of that to all the other lanterns as well. There's also an echo of Dirk's heart symbol in Jake's lantern, and the light almost seems to pierce through Jake's heart. (A lot of this symbolism was in part inspired by some fantastic essays on DirkJake and the lantern scene in particular by RevolutionaryDeulist on tumblr, which I definitely recommend checking out! :3) I tried to keep a symmetry and sense of movement to the card. It's a card of happiness and reunions, that both follows and precedes a lot of hard work. It's everything coming together at one moment, and even if things might get hard again soon, for a while now pure joy. Dirk, Jake, Jane and Jake all see (or are about to see) each other for the first time in person, after what is probably the worst day of all of their lives and a lot of work. While it harmony, celebration, goals achieved and reunions and unions of all kinds, its also a transitory card and can even symbolize a breakdown in communication. (Something that the alpha kids, unfortunately, had plenty of problems with!) Dirk, Jane and Roxy are both acting and watching. There's more to it, but this is the most complicated of the three and I'm afraid the hardest for me to explain, and I seem to be repeating myself so I'm gonna stop now.

Page of Swords: The page of swords is a perfect Tavros card. He's energetic, passionate and creative. Tavros is waiting in the beginning, eager to begin this new project, and look what a beginning it is! An army of countless ghosts waits with him, inspired by his charisma and kindness rather than forced. It's about being ready and moving forward. And importantly, he's successful because he made the choice to do this on his own, ignoring the voices that told him he couldn't succeed and wasn't good enough. It's a card that encourages you to find the people who will nurture your ideas rather than those who bring you down. It also represents communication, which is what it took for him to gather up this army. The breath sign in the clouds is there for multiple reasons. Breath is, of course, Tavros' symbol, and also, the Page of Pentacles is a wind card. But within the Homestuck canon, breath also represents freedom and charisma and many of the aspects of this card. (Also, god rays are cool and fun to draw and make some neat lighting effects.) Like Tavros, of course, the card only represents the beginning. It represents gathering people and friends, and communicating with them, new ideas and the start of something great. But Tavros at this point understands himself well enough to know his own strength. He formed the army, but he isn't the one to take the lead, and he's okay with that.

How have you grown as an artist over the years and what has helped you grow?

Practice is great for improving, but more than that you need to challenge yourself, and you need things to inspire you to do so. I've been drawing since I was three, graduated with a BA in art, and been living off caricaturing for almost a decade. But I also felt like my art was stagnating, and the thing that inspired me most has actually been Homestuck. I actually only got into it recently, only a few years ago, but it's gotten me drawing for myself again for the first time in a long time, and the art discords have a lot of events that have been encouraging me to draw. So even the time I've started drawing homestuck my art has improved more then it had in a long time, and I've really had fun with it again for the first time. But the best way to improve is definitely to find the things your worst at, and study and draw it a lot. Bad at hands? Study a bunch of pictures of hands. Learn anatomy, skeletal and muscular structure. Trace hand photos, draw your own hands. Bad at backgrounds? Study landscapes, trees, perspective... etc. Trying to do different things and work with different styles is good too, things like palette challenges can be great for helping things stay fun and inspired. Sorry, I got a little rambly, and I guess its more a general list of things I learned then the things that sparked my own specific growth, but hopefully it's helpful!

What’s your process? Where do you find inspiration?

I like changing things up. Sometimes I'll sketch thumbnails or even the base sketch on paper, then draw from there in photoshop. Sometimes I'll play with pure color or light and shadow and sort of carve out images. I like to play with art a lot, and how much prep I do varies depending on what I'm drawing; usually if its a commission or illustration with something more in mind I'll do more thumbnailing and have a more structured approach. Inspiration varies. Music can be great for it, Homestuck is hugely inspirational. Games, stories, movies, etc can also all be great. Also I love having themed events, or drawing gift art for people. (Bonus, I love making people happy so I find that particularly satisfying.)

What kind of impact has Homestuck had on your life and art?

It's become my favorite piece of media. I could (and have) gone on a multi page rant about why and everything I like about it. But in an attempt to be succinct, its an interesting complex story with great characters and the perfect balance of humor and serious moments. Seriously, I love every character. It's also, like I mentioned, got me drawing for myself again. I've been drawing much more and improved a lot thanks to Homestuck in the few years since I got into it. I owe a lot to it, and for all people speak bad of the fandom, I think there's much more good then bad, and try my best to be part of the former, trying to help it be a place of encouragement, growth and happiness for everyone involved. :3

What advice would you give to a younger you?

Oh man. There are so many answers I could give here. I'd encourage more introspection. There's a lot of things about myself it took me too long to discover, or things I did because I was following someone else's definitions of success. Teaching myself art with some of the fantastic resources available and focusing on my own goals could have spared me ridiculous amounts of student debt.

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Interview by Cassie Steensrud

@whatpumpkin @cassandraooc

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October Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle or Mana to check and make sure we got your submission.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE OCTOBER’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @impala-dreamer​

 Lay All Your Love on Me (oneshot) by @idabbleincrazy​

Very very tasty Sam smut here. Love him just letting go and getting into it. Very good work!!

For Tonight (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence​ 

Amazing. Simple yet beautiful and oh the sweet pain. I loved it.

Nominated by Anon

Ride with Me by @katehuntington​

This story is amazing! Kate is weaving such an intricate little AU while still remaining true to the characters. Her descriptions are spot on and the dialogue just feels so…perfect. I adore the insight we are getting from Dean’s perspective too. This is such a unique story and now I just want to go on a trail ride (and find me a cowboy *winks*)!

Nominated by @manawhaat​

Dessert Then Dinner (oneshot) by @atc74​

HOLY SHITBALLS! I generally am not a slut for Rob, but this made me the absolute biggest slut for Rob. Oy vey. The inspiration was fucking there! That picture did things to me and the fic that followed definitely did things to me. It’s hot, it’s fucking ACCURATE representation of lust for the way a man is dressed. Ay ay ay, these words and image are just happen to be exactly what makes my brain explode. 

Witches Fuckin’ Suck (oneshot) by @crashdevlin​

This. Fic. Is. Fuckin’. Weird. It’s weird. It’s absolutely weird. IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY. OMG. I have never related to all parties in a fic so thoroughly. It’s hilarious. It’s ridiculous. There’s a funniness and curiosity that bleeds into sexiness in such a light and honest way. The way this scenario presents itself is so damn real within the realm of Jody and Donna and me. Fucking fantastic! 

Nominated by @slytherkins​

River (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Love me some Denny, but this one is almost better because it’s just implied. There are all sorts of references to Dean’s past, but they are subtle, and the fic itself is understated. It’s also hawt. :p And Dean is so in character. I just…I just like this. Is just good. Bittersweet and sexy.

Drabble #5 (oneshot) by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters​

I loved this drabble. It’s so understated. Big responses in these types of situations are great and all, but I think the fact that they were so reserved made it all the more touching. And particularly in character for Dean, imho. Read it! Be moved. :p

A Dangerous Game ch.6 (series) by @risingphoenix761​

Ooooooh Myyyyy Gaaaaaaawd. Y'all. New chapter. Smut…so hawt. Character dynamic…so fun. Crowley…so, so secksy. Magic…so magicy. :p Remusly, this series just blows me away.  

Nominated by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing​

About A Boy (series) by @percywinchester27​

I would like to nominate Ana’s About a Boy series. It has me on the edge of my seat already. Ana is such an insanely smart writer and she really knows how to build a story. She also know her character super well and she is wicked at writing them as kids/young adults. It’s not a reader insert which I know turn a bunch of people off which is a huge shame cause this one really deserves a lot of love and attention.

Nominated by @lovetusk​

A Little Hide and Seek (series) by @iflostreturntosteverogers​

Can I nominate this new series that Carrie is working on? She’s really growing as a writer lately, and so far this series really showcases that.

Nominated by @princessmisery666​

Blood In Bed (oneshot) by @slytherkins​

So I don’t support @slytherkins as much as she supports me and my writing so I wanted to read something of hers, even though it’s not my ‘usual’ cup of tea!!

And god damn I’m so f******g happy, scrap that, ecstatic that I did. This was fun, engaging, funny, sweet and heart breaking. I know she knows Crowley, she quite literally is his Queen 👑. She gets him spot on and this could quite easily be canon. I can see it happening.

I wish I had the words to tell you how brilliant this is, how much I really like it. Demon Dean is perfectly portrayed and I just can’t express how good this is. Mark as my favourite and one I will return to, many times.

Not Always The Way (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage​

THIS WAS PERFECTION!! Yes I know I’m shouting but I need to!!!

Sweet, fluffy, smutty, perfectly Sam, cute and awkward and kind and patient and just yeah!

Nominated by @ellen-reincarnated1967​

A New Fall (series) by @iwantthedean​ 

It's autumn themed, full of the apple pie life, orchards, pumpkins, cinnamon rolls that you can eat as well as the human cinnaroll Jensen post season 15. The family history of the reader really puts you right at the farmer's market and you'll feel cozy. There's also a twist. Looking forward to the rest, but the chapters up now, are addicting like apple pie!

Nominated by @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish​

Blood and Water (series) by @crashdevlin​

This story is fan-freakin-tastic! I love everything about it. I’m all about Dark!chesters and Crash is killing it, especially since the boys still feel in character despite the whole ‘screwing their sisiter’ thing. Bravo Crash! Can’t wait to see what else is in store for these three.

His Property (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr​

How do I begin to describe this amazing work of fanfic? Dirty? Kinky? Delicious? Dramatic? Angsty? Smutty? Surprise conflict? On point characters in a very very alternate universe? Yes, I think one of those is a good place to start. Bottom Line: READ THIS FIC (and its sequel Yours)!

Mr. Impala (mixed media) by @evansrogerskitten​

I don’t even remember how I stumbled across this gem but I was shook! I totally thought I was looking at the real thing! And then I read the article, and I was absolutely reading the real AU thing! Such an awesome work of art and fic combined! I was blown away by the quality of it! Props to Ash (and all the other art people) for such an awesome piece and even more props for merging art and fic flawlessly!

Nominated by @stunudo​

Smokestack Lightning (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

I’m nominating MJ’s awesome Sam/Rowena fic because it was what we needed after The Rupture. It is real, but also fun and flirty. She is a master at layering the emotions into her fics, especially the smutty ones.

Nominated by @wi-deangirl77​

Stages of Grief (drabble) by @plaidstiel-wormstache​

I’m nominating this drabble by my gal Jessie because it’s so different than a lot of the fics out there.  The way she coveys the pain and sorrow that the characters feel after such a loss is palpable.  And the way she jumps forward to the future that neither of the remaining characters could have even thought possible at the beginning of the story is very bittersweet. 

What’s Left of Me (drabble) by @waywardjoy​

Once again the Queen of Angst (as I’ve so lovingly dubbed her) brings it to the next level.  Writing it all from Sam’s POV she sets up this dark, DARK fic (heed the warnings peeps) for one hell of a ride.  You can’t help but feel as confused, scared and out of control as our hero Sam does as she takes you down the spiraling track that is the plot of this fic.  Well done, dear Joy…well done. 

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

As with the BFAs, these are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!