#also cassandra clare????? why is she always up to something | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

olderthannetfic · 3 years ago

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Hi I’ve been wrestling with smtg for a bit( aka several years) and I honestly wasnt sure where to even start a convo for this and then I saw a brief mention in the comments so here I am. Im like a big Cassandra Clare fan(i am starting to outgrow her stuff but i still read for like past me’s sake) havent gotten into reading fanfic (for another fandom) until lets say recent years like a year ago, and then well like any person who obsesses over smtg i also learned stuff about the author that sounded well, like she wasnt exactly the nicest person. Especially when it came to how she started as a fanfic writer. Im confused though: the way people kinda like say, oh supporting her is bad ya know cuz of how she was kinda shitty (im being vague cuz any time i tried to look up actual like proof i just got angry sounding articles and i wasnt sure if that was like good enough??) and I look at her material now that I personally find relatable(Izzy was the first character I looked at and thought: oh its okay to be feminine AND badass? More context: my part of the world was/ is INCREDIBLY sexist) and I found so much joy in and very much like all the lgbt rep I found in it, people are still referring back to how shes horrible and im just like: i feel like i missed out on smtg everyone knew once but idk where to look to even get more info.

Anyway I mentioned how recently I got into fanfic because until I started following your blog I didnt know all the history behind it and that started to help me figure out some things about how some authors started out.

I dont expect anyone to like gimme a list or smtg like: oh this person is bad bcuz X. Im just wondrring like: why am i constantly told I shouldnt like cassandra clare? when they’ve done so much good for me. (I dont mean to think my experience is the only one or anything either ofc)

I dont mean to come off like im in denial or maybe I am idk i really just dont know where to go for this convo cuz i absolutely want to have it

You want my honest answer? Butthurt.

Cassie has gotten many, many chances that other people would have liked, and she has gotten them on the basis of whom she knows, from her publishing contract to her film and tv deals. People don't feel she earned those chances, and they are bitter as fuck. For example, her books got made into a film. It bombed. And then, unlike in most other cases, they went on and made a tv series of the same material. I think a lot of people look at her and see a charmed life, and it disgusts them either out of pure jealousy or because she was always kind of a douchbag.

Cassie's an asshole, but her "crimes" are so incredibly minor compared to Hollywood creeps or even compared to JKR. If you want to keep liking her books, you do you.

Now, as for what her "crimes" actually are, they boil down to fandom interpersonal drama, gross e-begging (kind of), and plagiarism.

She got her ass kicked off of FFN for copying lines and even whole chunks from other media and putting them in her HP fic without attribution. She later tried to excuse this by saying her fans were playing 'spot the reference', but I saw fans quoting 'her" lines all the time and not realizing they were borrowed.

She did actually plagiarize. Whether you think this is the crime to end all crimes is another story.

"Laptopgate" and the time fandom bought her an iPod are probably second most serious. CC's apartment was burgled, and she and her roommates lost some computers and things. She didn't directly ask her followers for money, but she didn't have to. A little crying on social media and some active organizing by her friend, and fandom coughed up a whole bunch of money. Something similar happened when she wanted an iPod.

This really doesn't seem like a big deal, does it? The reason it bugged people was that it was pretty obvious she had a lot more resources than many of the people donating. She could have asked her family for help replacing the laptops. I found the whole thing a bit tacky in both cases and thought she sounded like she was fishing for the iPod even if she didn't directly ask her fans to buy it for her, but this is hardly the stuff of undying scandal.

The real reason people remember laptopgate is that a fan with a medical fundraiser tried to get CC's friend to signal boost them, and the friend was dismissive. I do think she handled it poorly. It was also a time when e-begging was a lot rarer than now and when signal boosting was more than just clicking reblog. How much any of that was CC's fault is open to interpretation.

CC was also the unwitting dupe of fandom's most famous con artist, Msscribe, a bully who went after whole swaths of Harry Potter fandom. CC wasn't directly at fault, but her fame and popularity helped this other asshole operate unimpeded. It left a lot of fans disgusted with that whole social circle.

Beyond that, there's a vast list of minor bullshit. CC acted like a celebrity and lorded it over her fellow fans. She pitted her sycophants against each other. She was--and as far as I can tell stayed--an entitled, self-important whiner. Her crying about Shadowhunters not following her derivative biphobic trash books more closely was hilarious, for example. Cry moar about how your boring self insert got sidelined for a better character!

She has some one-off story I remember people being pissed about that is basically her pulling a Not Like The Other Girls and shitting on fandom nerds--or at least, that's how people took it.

CC has also spent a lot of time talking behind people's backs and being a catty bitch--possibly even a bully. But that kind of thing is hard to prove. It's all down to how different people remember and interpret various incidents, and a lot of the people she was shitty to are also major drama queens who don't always inspire much sympathy.

If you stopped reading every author who was rude or self-important at some point, you wouldn't have much left to read.

OTW, which runs AO3, also runs a fandom history wiki. You can look CC up there. I think it covers most of the major stuff, including a rumor I had totally forgotten about about her ~doxxing a minor~. (That was Flourish who explains the whole thing themself, and CC did nothing of the sort.)

https://fanlore.org/wiki/Cassandra_Claire

CC's major crime has always been being a privileged jerk. People see her as a Rich Mean Girl and one of us who thinks she's somehow too good for the rest of us. Except, now, she's also a famous author and not really One Of Us anymore. That's why it's so difficult for people to articulate the problem.

I think her work does have some shitty messages, but for me to engage deeply with them, I'd have to go read the whole thing instead of just chortling at a few horrible metaphors and reading other people's salt. Life's too short for that!

Go forth, nonnie, and read the teen books of your heart. CC isn't problematic in a way where you should refuse to give her money.

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simon-x-billy · 3 years ago

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Simon x Billy

Chapter 4: You’re too pretty, go’way

Dear Cassandra Clare, I'm sorry for pretending that Simon Lewis wrote every one of your books. Please forgive.

AN: No need for any knowledge of The Mortal Instruments -- books, tv, or film -- except this: Simon Lewis was in them.

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Gif credit: @andermuunoz Hotel photo: mine

Chapter 4: You’re too pretty, go’way

-----/Billy/-----

“Well if it isn’t the lovely Rosalina. What brings you my way this early in the day, love?” She always blushes when I greet her this way. If she didn’t work here at the hotel, I’d be finding all the places I could make her blush. Christ, she’s beautiful. They grow ‘em like that here. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

“It is the American on the roof. You come, please.”

That can’t be good. “On the roof?”

“Or maybe I do not speak it well. He is on the floor of his room, on the floor next to his room. He sleeps there. Maybe he drops his key in the sea? Or the window?”

“He’s asleep on the floor?”

“Si.”

“But not in his room?”

She shakes her head. So do I. What now, Seemon.

Haven’t laid eyes on him in a coupla days. Hoped he’d be doin better.

She looks very serious now. “And I do not like to see the other girls also seeing him when they go to clean. You speak English to him and you are tell him to go to his room for the sleep.”

That’s really very sweet -- she doesn’t want to embarrass him. “I do not like them seeing him like that, either, Rosalina. Thank you. You are very kind.”

“Kind?”

“You have a beautiful heart,” I say, tapping my chest. No use listing everything else beautiful about her. “And your English is improving.” She smiles, and twists away so I can’t see her blushing. Why do women do that? When are they more lovely?

She’s a coworker, Billy, she’s a coworker. I already regret my feckin principles.

She shoos me toward the stairs to the top floor, and all but flees down the hallway when I aim a smile her way. She’s sweet.

-----/-/-----

Even before I top the stairs, I can already hear him snoring.

Actually, that sounds more like choking…

Aw, mate, this isn’t good. He snores until his head lolls too far to the side, then he chokes, making his head roll back against the wall, where he starts up with the snoring again. Jesus Christ, has he been choking like this all night?

He’s sat there, propped up next to the door to his suite. The closer I get, the more I smell fumes. It’s sickly sweet, and oof, he’s got sticky-looking drool migrating in a slow stream from his mouth down the side of his chin.

The label on the half-empty bottle says Limoncello. “Aw, mate. The pain you’re about to feel is a unique suffering.” I hate to get in his face to wake him up. Something tells me Simon’ll be mortified, but there’s nothin for it.

The hall is dim with the storm shutters bolted tight from the inside. Maybe if I shed some light on the situation… Result!

Simon choke-snorts, then groans as he attempts to shift away from the source of light. So the – oof, they stick – shutters at the far end of the hall are open. Result again.

He mumble-whines. “Mmmfm mmmmbnnnaway.” Then there’s groaning, as if the sound of his own voice is too offensive to bear. Then growling and groaning. Until I finally hear some English I recognize. “Ow? Owwwwwwww. Nooooooo. Make it ugly again. n’Go away.”

“Make it ugly?”

“Dark. Too pretty. Hate it.” Followed by whimpering.

“How can something be too pretty?” I mumble under my breath.

“Just can.” Then he tries to roll his head toward the sound of my voice and fails. “Owwwwww?”

Probably needs a hand up. Leaning down, I can see his pulse pounding in his temple. I’d take the pain away if I could, mate. I would if I could. “Let’s get ye to bed, get ye down for a kip, mate. It’ll make you feel better, promise.”

“s’Too pretty in there. Don’t want pretty. You’re too pretty, go’way.”

I can’t help snorting.

“Said go’way.”

“Sorry, mate. Not happenin. Anyway, I can shutter the windows in there to keep it dark. The bed’ll be more comfortable for yeh to sleep it off than this floor, at any rate.”

“Don’t wanna be comfortable.”

Hm. “Here, man. Take my arm. We’ll get you sorted.”

“Go’way!” he shouts, then clutches his head and whimpers. “n’Stop being so nice. s’Disgusting. Don’like it. Don’like you. Go’way.”

“Yer lucky I’m pretendin to be hard of hearin, or I’d go ahead and leave ye here. Now take my arm and-”

“Stop it!” He tries slapping my hands away. And misses.

Shaking my head. Just shaking my head.

“Can do it myself,” he demands. But no, he really can’t. He gives standing a go, and all he manages is a high pitched sob.

“Aw, mate. Go on, lemme help yeh.”

Apparently there is a threshold of stupidity with Simon Lewis, thank Christ. He holds out his arm.

But before he takes my hand, he squints up at me. “Never speak of this,” he says with deadly seriousness. “Never happened.”

As I shutter the windows and draw the curtains, he shuffles into bed, fully clothed. “Gross. Why am I sticky?”

“Aw, man. Ye don’t want to be sleepin in those clothes. I promise yeh, mate. You get your kit off, and I’ll fetch you a wet cloth.” I hold up my hand to stop the inevitable complaints and refusals. “Enough whingeing, man, just do it.”

I come back from the bathroom to find a pile of clothes on the floor, and Simon snoring away with the sheet stuck to his face. It would be endearing if he wasn’t such a feckin pain in my arse.

-----/-/-----

Simon’s been silently staring out the window for 45 minutes. But not out the window with the gorgeous view. He’s staring at the rock cliff face blurring past too fast to see much of anything.

I want to reassure him that everything will be alright. But it’s not my place, and he’s not for hearin it, anyway.

And what if it isn’t alright.

I try to just leave it be, but I can’t help myself. “You alright man?”

“Why.”

“You’re usually a lot gobbier than this. I’m worried about yeh.”

“Italy was a bad idea.”

“Italy is never a bad idea.”

“Says the man not living my life.”

He’s got me there. “Ok.”

As I’m pulling his bags out the boot, I feel like I can’t leave it like this. I don’t know why. It’s just unsettling seeing someone in pain like this, and not bein able to help. I wasn’t lyin -- I’m worried about him.

“Thanks, Beelee,” he says, holding out his hand.

We shake, and before I give him his hand back, I find myself saying, “Text me in 6 months and let me know you’re alive, yeah?”

He huffs out a breath and looks at me. After a moment he shifts uncomfortably, and finally says, “Yeah.”

I’ve no idea why I feel so relieved. “What’s yer number, I’ll text yeh so you’ve got mine.” Shocked be fuckin I when he gives it to me.

“Thanks, Billy. You’re a good guy. Appreciate you.” And then he’s gone.

——-/-/——-

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——-/-/——-

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closetfanfictionauthor · 3 years ago

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my daisy

this isn’t my best work but i’m reading chain of iron and i’m almost done and i’m absolutely furious over what cassandra clare is putting us through with james and cordelia and by god i’m gonna give us the end to the pining and miscommunication if it fucking KILLS me.

in which James realizes he is disgustingly in love with his best friend and promptly makes an ass of himself at every turn.

James Herondale couldn’t say that he’d ever noticed his good friend Daisy Carstairs before. She wasn’t his best friend, that would be Matthew, but she was always just…there.

There was an ease to their friendship that he couldn’t seem to find with anyone save Matthew and his family. He found himself turning to her often to share a secret smile about an inside joke. Or seeking her out to hear her opinion on a particular topic of interest or about an argument that he’d had. He even found himself confiding in her things he could not bring himself to confess even to Matthew.

Sometimes they sat in silence, sometimes they discussed books. James found that he could guess when she would welcome coffee and food before she’d even thought about it. And likewise, he noticed how she always seemed to be effortlessly attuned to his own mood.

She was always there.

When they hung out as a group, his place was always by her side. It was never something discussed by anyone, it was just the way things were. And if there wasn’t a spot by her side, one magically became available once James entered into the room.

His arm would find its way onto the back of her chair while he was relaxing, her long, thick red hair was always curling around her shoulders and pushing into his space. Not that James minded the way the strands always seemed to be reaching towards him, anchoring him to her side. She was always close enough for him to feel the warmth radiating from her skin and to watch it glow underneath the light of the sun.

But always platonic of course.

They were only friends, they had always been friends.

James had even gone out with other girls throughout their time as friends. There had been a girl named Grace at one point whom he had considered himself infatuated with…although oddly enough, he never got the same shortness of breath or tightness in his stomach looking at Grace the way he did with Daisy. And he never had the overwhelming desire to touch Grace’s hair, or even Grace, in the same way that he wanted to with Daisy.

But that’s because feelings between friends and girlfriends were different, and James knew the difference.

(James is also a certified dumbass.)

(He's the only one who doesn't know it though.)

No, he was fairly certain that he had been on the verge of falling in love with Grace before she had unceremoniously dumped him with no explanation as to why. He had not felt nearly as cut up about it as he should have, but then again, James had always been a much more reasonable sort of fellow than, say, Matthew. And Daisy had been there to see him through it all, how could he be sad when she was there to lend him all her support.

That was what friendship was all about.

(Truly, no one could possibly be any denser.)

But it didn’t explain the strange sensation that he felt in the center of his chest whenever he would catch the odd man standing a little too close to Daisy, or staring a little too long at her chest. Of course, anyone would be indignant at their friend being ogled in that manner, but he didn’t think it was normal to want to start a fight over it.

And he could only determine that the way his thoughts and reason scattered whenever he contemplated Daisy with any man was because he so strongly believed that she deserved the absolute best.

The two of them were good friends like that.

So he couldn’t quite understand why he suddenly wanted to throttle Matthew for the way he was looking at Daisy on one sunny afternoon.

They were out for lunch in London since classes had ended for the term. Daisy was radiant in a blue sweater tucked into a wool skirt, the kind that flared out when she twirled, her hair gathered into a bun. She looked particularly beautiful that day with the crystals of snow falling outside now melting in her hair.

And Matthew?

Well, Matthew had the sort of look on his face that James had seen directed at men and women right before Matthew charmed them into bed.

He didn’t like it.

Matthew was sprawled in his seat, an arm thrown over the empty chair next to him, a crooked grin spreading across his face as he slowly looked Daisy up and down. Daisy, for her part, seemed completely oblivious to Matthew’s attempts, as she often was.

Matthew? Contemplating… Daisy? His thoughts scattered as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing.

Surely not, James thought, even as Matthew ran a hand through his hair, knowing it would tousle it in a way that made it fall into his eyes in a way that so many found roguish and charming.

He was tensing, the muscles in his shoulders bunching as if he were preparing himself for something, although he didn’t know what. But with every passing second, as he waited for Matthew to say something, felt like a moment pushing James towards recklessness, although he couldn’t say with any surety what he was going to do.

“I feel so relieved that term is over. I don’t know that I could’ve lasted another week studying for exams,” Daisy said as she attempted and failed to eat her ramen using chopsticks.

“You know, you can always just ask for a fork, right?” James told her as he attempted to keep himself from smiling.

“Absolutely not, we’ve gone too long in the meal for me to ask, now it’ll just be extra humiliating,” Daisy insisted even as the noodles slid out of her grasp and splashed back into her bowl. Some of the soup in the bowl landed on her jumper and she let out a swear as she grabbed for napkins and began dabbing at the shirt.

Matthew was trying and failing not to stare in the general area. James was struggling with the urge to hit his mate over the head with the drinks menu.

Get a hold of yourself man.

It was Matthew for the Angel’s sake! He was practically a brother to James, they’d been friends since the day they were born and gone through everything together. And here James couldn’t seem to stop himself from acting like a dog who wouldn’t share his favourite toy.

And all because Matthew was showing an interest in their mutual friend. And why shouldn’t he! James thought rather desperately.

Daisy is beautiful and smart and funny and wicked intelligent! But no matter how he tried to rationalize it, something about the idea of his mate, and his second closest friend turned him into a caveman and made his throat go tight.

It was time for him to admit that he perhaps didn’t want to share his friend. And why should he, after all, besides Lucie, him and Daisy were closest to each other. They were always paired up together, he didn’t want to lose her to someone else even if it was the best person he knew.

“There’s a concert by-”

“She can’t go,” James interrupted. Matthew and Daisy both blinked up at him in silence. There was too much adrenaline pumping in his body for James to feel any sort of embarrassment.

“I haven’t even told you the date yet,” Matthew pointed out slowly. There was something devious about his face that James couldn’t quite understand, a sparkle in his eye or maybe the tilt of his eyebrows. Which meant he was up to no good which meant Daisy definitely wasn’t going to this concert. Who knew what kind of shenanigans would go down and she might end up hurt and the idea of Daisy hurt was unbearable.

“Oh, well when is it?” James asked. Daisy had yet to say a word.

“January 11th-”

“Aha! She can’t go!”

“I’m sitting right here, why can’t I go?” Daisy demanded with a raised eyebrow.

“Because we have something planned for that day!” James blurted out. Daisy continued to stare at him.

“No we don’t,” she said.

“Yes we do, you just don’t remember us talking about it,” James insisted. And before Daisy could continue to point out his half-baked plan. “I was taking you to a vintage bookstore, remember, I told you they had some first edition collections of Jane Austen’s works.”

The suspicion lifted from Daisy’s face. “Oh did we? Sorry, I must’ve forgotten from all the studying I’ve been doing over the last few weeks.”

She turned to Matthew, an apologetic look on her face. “Sorry, I guess it didn’t work out this time, but next time we’ll go together.”

And because James was feeling like a little shit, he threw his arm across the back of Daisy’s chair, making sure his hand lingered mere centimeters from her shoulder.

“Can I try some of that?” he asked, nodding towards her food. She gave him a nod, but because the Neanderthal in James was alive and breathing, he opened his mouth and waited for her to feed it to him.

Daisy gave another sigh of frustration as the noodles continued to slip out of her chopsticks before managing to feed any of it into James’s waiting mouth.

But the feeling of smugness while he chewed his food and Daisy picked through his own meal, didn’t last as he realized that he was going to have to actually find a musty old bookstore for them to peruse now.

“James, I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but this is what we gave up a Friday night concert for?” Daisy said as she knocked into yet another stack of incredibly old books. He hurried over to steady the stack for her and couldn’t stop the grimace that spread across his face.

“Somehow, I didn’t imagine it would be in this state,” he admitted. “And we did not give up a Friday night concert, you did. I wasn’t invited as I recall.”

“That’s because you wouldn’t even let Matthew finish speaking,” she pointed out. Daisy picked up a book on the Peloponnesian War and flipped open the pages, her nose wrinkling in distaste as the smell of rotting paper drifted towards them.

“Christ, I wish there was more lighting in here, it’s like a prison cell,” James muttered as he smacked his elbow into a hard shelf for the seventh time in five minutes.

“Remind me next time to never let you make arrangements like this without double checking the establishment,” Daisy said as she continued away from him and disappeared around a corner.

The bookstore in question was perhaps the worst one James had ever seen in London. It was dank, smelled like a corpse gone bad, had poor lighting, and he was fairly certain he’d seen a puddle in the corner of one room. In his defense, he’d been in a panic trying to find a place that was edgy and underground that would fit the description of what he’d told Daisy.

But after spending almost an hour together in the place, they hadn’t laid eyes on any first editions of anything, let alone Jane Austen. There had been a plethora of outdated and unwanted fantasy books featuring half-naked women, a whole wall full of secret service novels that middle aged men loved, and plenty of… adult magazines that he and Daisy had flipped through in amused horror.

There was also the slight possibility that they could be murdered. It looked like a homicide scene to begin with. And the bloke at the cash register would probably let it happen, he hadn’t even looked up when they’d walked in.

“How does this place even stay open?” Daisy’s voice drifted towards him. “There’s no one here, who is buying this stuff?”

“Could be money laundering,” James said as he followed the sound to try and find her. Daisy let out a laugh that made him feel all too pleased with himself.

“What would you know about money laundering, James?” she asked teasingly.

“I watch youtube videos,” he replied defensively. “I know everything.”

“Yes, a veritable Einstein, you are,” Daisy teased as she popped up around the corner James had been about to turn. It brought her up close enough that he could count her eyelashes. Something about the proximity made his brain go silent and his breath come in short.

“Um,” Daisy stuttered as she looked up at him wide-eyed, but she didn’t back away. There was a pink flush to her cheeks but James couldn’t be certain because of the poor lighting.

They stood that way for what felt like an eternity. James didn’t know what to do, he wanted to back away because he and Daisy had never been close like that, but he hated the idea so much he couldn’t move. He didn’t know if he wanted to lessen the distance even more because that would put them in decidedly unfriendly territory.

It was Daisy in the end who broke the spell.

“So, I forgot to tell you, but I’ve got a date this Sunday,” Daisy said, moving past him.

She might as well have thrown a bucket of cold water all over him. His throat was tight, his stomach dropping with dread. He whipped around and stalked after her, unreasonably angry.

James found Daisy too focused on reading through the titles on the shelf in front of her to believe the ruse. She wouldn’t meet his eye.

“With whom?” he demanded. He was standing too close to her, definitely invading her space, but he couldn’t move back even if he wanted to. And he didn’t want to.

He felt betrayed, he realized. Daisy’s love life was of no concern to him, she could do whatever she wanted, and yet he felt as if he was being cheated on.

He could never remember Daisy dating anyone, even as James had dated girls, but she was perfectly allowed to. He was beginning to understand that some part of him had always assumed that Daisy would always remain unattached, always be there for him constantly as a friend. It was only now with sickening clarity that he was realizing that some day, Daisy would have her time and her attention and her affection taken up by a man who wasn’t him and it made him want to be sick all over the floor.

And even as James had all of these thoughts, he felt ashamed of himself for thinking it. It was a poor way to think of his friend, and a poor way to treat her, and he never wanted Daisy to be treated as anything but the queen that she was.

“His name is Eamon,” she said, hesitating. Her eyes were darting from whatever she was fixating on in front of her, to James’s face. He was almost certain she could see his betrayal written all over it.

“Who the bloody hell is Eamon?” he asked, running a hand through his hair in his frustration.

“He’s new, he’s here on study abroad from Ireland,” she said.

“I didn’t even know you were thinking of dating people,” he continued on in astonishment.

“Well, why shouldn’t I be?” Daisy demanded of him, her mouth pursed in anger.

It seemed he had put his foot in his mouth but he wasn’t sure how he’d done it.

“I-nothing-”

“No, what is it? Would I not be worth dating? Am I some hag witch with my face rotting off?” Daisy demanded, advancing a step towards him.

“No-”

“No, I want to know. Am I horrific to spend time with? Do I bore people when I talk to them? I’m single after all, there’s no reason for me to not be dating as many men as I want to is there? I could go home with them if I wanted, I’m allowed to, I’m unattached!” she was practically yelling by the end. Daisy stood, chest heaving as she glared at James.

The thought of her going home with any man made James want to lock himself in the toilet and cry for five hours.

“No, none of that, I was just taken by surprise, I suppose,” James stuttered with wide eyes.

Daisy seemed to deflate, as if the fight had gone out of her. “Yes. Well. I can’t just sit around waiting–never mind.”

“Waiting for what?” James asked her. It suddenly seemed of the utmost importance that he knew what she was going to finish that sentence with. The part of him denial knew what she was going to say but the part of him that couldn’t make heads or tails of his feelings for Daisy needed to hear the words.

“Never mind,” Daisy insisted, and brushed past him, aiming for the exit. “Let’s just get out of here before we accidentally bring something home with us.”

Saturday was an agonizing affair.

Matthew would do nothing but prattle on about how brilliant the concert he’d attended was, and all James wanted to do was put a pillow over his head until he’d stopped talking.

He was fairly certain he’d caught something from the food he and Daisy ate the day before. After their fight in the shop, they’d gone for dinner and put the whole thing down as being hungry. It was easier than having a crisis about his feelings in the middle of dinner.

But come Saturday and James could not bring himself to get out of bed in the morning. His skin felt hot and feverish, particularly when he was imagining Daisy getting ready for her date and the excitement she must be feeling picking out her outfit.

His eyes stung with tears, but James was fairly certain that was because of the sun streaming into the room and stabbing him in the retinas. It just also happened to coincide with his thoughts about Daisy falling in love with this Eamon fellow and riding off into the sunset to have his brood of children, leaving James to die a miserable old man, all alone.

Although why Daisy riding off into the sunset with another man meant he died alone, he wasn’t quite sure.

(Because James is a dumbass.)

He had no appetite for breakfast even though Matthew had gone through the pains of preparing waffles for him. James picked at them listlessly, shoving bits into his mouth, eyes glazed over as he stared blankly at his wall.

“Mate, what’s wrong with you?” Matthew finally demanded as he washed their dishes.

“Did you know that Daisy has a date tomorrow?” James asked hollowly as he continued to massacre his waffles.

“Cordelia?” Matthew asked, looking over his shoulder. James nodded. “Yeah, Lucie mentioned something about that.”

“I didn’t know she was dating,” James grumbled.

“She’s a single girl in uni, she’s absolutely brilliant, and fierce as hell, why wouldn’t she be dating?” Matthew asked.

“No, of course, she should. I just…” James trailed off as he drowned his food in syrup. “Figured she’d tell me about it.”

“She did, James, that’s how you know she’s going on a date,” Matthew pointed out. James wanted to throw a spoon at his head. This wasn’t helping. There was a look in Matthew’s eyes, as if he knew something James didn’t that was driving him up the wall.

“I’m going back to bed,” James announced, pushing away from the table.

“You sick or something?”

“I think I caught something when we went for dinner after the shop yesterday,” James mumbled.

“You’re looking positively green,” Matthew agreed.

“And the hits just keep coming,” James muttered as he shuffled back to bed. He worried that he’d actually throw up all over himself at one point, and wouldn’t that just be a fine way to spend the day.

James decided to take a shower, he was under the running water when he started thinking about Daisy laughing at Eamon’s jokes, her eyes sparkling in amusement. Daisy reaching for Eamon’s hand, leaning towards him in interest. Eamon walking her home, kissing at the door, Daisy’s hands in Eamon’s hair.

He was going to drown himself in the shower.

He was toweling down after he was finished when his mind wouldn’t stop thinking of what Daisy would be wearing. Something appropriate for a date, a dress maybe, or a fancy shirt, her hair would be all done up in curls or flowers or something ridiculous like that. He couldn’t stop thinking of her soft curves and warm brown skin on display for a complete stranger he’d never even laid eyes on.

The rest of the water on his body gave him chills.

He was in a fit the whole day. He tried to read, but James’s mind kept wandering back to Daisy and he would lose track of the story. He tried working, but his eyes would glaze over looking at the screen in front of him because he was thinking about what would happen after the date. He couldn’t play games on his phone, he didn’t want to cook, he couldn’t be bothered to watch TV.

Matthew came and brought him tea and biscuits but they all tasted stale in his mouth as he obsessed over Daisy and her date. Where they would do, how they would get there, how warm it was going to be, was she being picked up or walking there?

And then, oh God, he was thinking about her being in some slimeball’s car and it made his skin itch.

He had a fitful night’s sleep and woke up Sunday morning feeling and looking like shit. Matthew was even kind enough to comment on it.

To distract James, Matthew drove them out of London for the better part of the day in his new car. And if James didn’t know any better, he would say Matthew was practically gleeful over his misery.

They spent their time eating and shopping for clothes or books James hadn’t read yet, and in combination with the nice weather it did help a little. But then James was thinking about the fact that Daisy would also have nice weather for her date and it felt about as pleasant as being pissed on by a dog.

I don’t even know what time it’s at, she could already be on the date, he thought with a sinking feeling.

He wasn’t going to ask Matthew about it.

He wasn’t.

He didn’t care.

He wasn’t going to ask.

Daisy was her own person.

It was none of his business.

He was not going to ask.

“Math, what time is Daisy’s date, did she mention?” he asked through gritted teeth. He hadn’t spoken to her since Friday and the lack of texts from Daisy was just adding salt to the wound.

“Some time in the evening, I believe. Said they were going out for dinner at some new place,” Matthew answered with a shrug.

“Brilliant.”

James seethed for the remainder of their trip. Matthew pretended not to notice.

When they arrived back in London, Matthew and James were only in their flat for half an hour, freshening up before Matthew proposed going out for food that night. To cheer James up he said.

It did not escape James’s notice that Daisy would already be on her way to her date or already there by now. But he had nothing better to do, and he was only going to think about it if he stayed home, so he agreed.

James tried to fix his hair, with no great success, and paid no attention to where Math took them.

Anna was waiting for them at a table when they arrived, James’s feet took him over to her without thinking.

“What were you thinking of ordering?” Anna asked as she flipped through her own menu. James could hear Matthew respond as if from a distance. He could do nothing but stare at his menu, unseeing.

He gave up and instead let his gaze wander across the restaurant as Matthew and Anna continued to debate the options available to them.

And then his gaze landed on… no.

Surely, it couldn’t be.

But there was no mistaking the dark red hair, the glowing brown skin of Cordelia Carstairs. James had her features burned into the backs of his eyes, he would know her anyway.

“Is that Daisy?” he interrupted loudly. Matthew and Anna looked over at him altogether too innocently.

What were the odds that they would be at the same restaurant she would be for her date.

(Very high actually because there is nothing Anna and Matthew love more than sticking their nose in people’s business.)

“Why, I believe it is,” Anna said. “Didn’t she say she was on a date?”

“Yes with that new bloke from Ireland,” Matthew threw in helpfully.

James’s gaze was glued to them. Daisy was wearing a new dress he’d never seen before, it was all silk and the colour of royal blue. It clung to her curves like water, he could see the outline of every part of her body, it was obscene. Her hair was pile on top of her head and she’d put on dangly earrings.

And this stranger was looking at her. It wouldn’t stand.

“She looks beautiful, doesn’t she?” Matthew mused from his seat.

James was about to reply when he saw Daisy throw her head back and let out a laugh, her shoulder’s shaking. The sight pierced his heart like a knife.

Oh no.

It was suddenly, painfully clear what was going on. The sounds and smells in the room seemed sharper once everything clicked inside of James’s head. He was an absolute idiot.

Daisy was not meant to be here because Daisy was meant to be with him. She was his Daisy. She always had been. And he’d been such an idiot. The electric feeling in his veins whenever they touched, the peace he felt around her, the desire to be around her all the time, and the animosity at other men. It was all so obvious now that he thought about it.

He was on his feet before he knew it. If Matthew and Anna had tried to stop him, he didn’t hear it.

(They did not try.)

“Daisy!” he barked. He saw her jump in her seat and turn towards his voice, her mouth opening in surprise. Goddamn it, she’d done something to her lips to make them look all shiny and full. For bloody Eamon.

“James!” she said uncertainly. Her eyes darted between James and Eamon before moving behind him where Matthew and Anna sat watching the whole exchange. “What are you doing here?”

“Math decided to take us out for food tonight,” James replied shortly. He had yet to even look at poor Eamon who was looking between the two of them with wide eyes.

“That’s nice. But, I’m on a date,” Daisy said a little lamely, gesturing towards Eamon. James refused to turn to him.

“I can see that. You look lovely,” James said. He felt inordinately pleased when he saw her flush at the comment.

“So… do you mind?” she asked, tilting her head. James chose to ignore the hint.

“Seamus, was it?” James barked at Eamon who immediately straightened in his chair.

“It’s Eamon, actually–”

“Seamus! What do you do for a living?” James demanded, narrowing his eyes.

“I’m a lawyer.” Unacceptable, he was probably using the system to put innocent people into prison. The scumbag.

“Are you partner in a firm? Do you own your own firm?” James went on.

“Er, no, I work at a non-profit organization,” the poor man stuttered.

Even worse! Everyone knew how terribly non-profits treated their employees. The bastard.

“Not bright enough to get yourself into a better paying firm then hmm,” James went on. Eamon turned red around the ears.

“James!” Daisy cried at him in shock. Being an asshole was not a trait one would ascribe to James Herondale and here he was doing a damn good job of mimicking it.

“Tell us at least you live on your own then,” James went on, bending over in a threatening manner. Eamon tugged at the collar of his shirt as he leaned away from James.

“Well, see I live with my parents at the moment–”

“Ah, so you can’t afford to support Daisy over here in the style she deserves. Honestly, I don’t know what you see in him,” James added over his shoulder at Daisy.

Cordelia herself felt as if her head was going to explode and splatter all over the table. James was making a perfect fool of himself and dragging her into it.

“May I speak to you please?” She didn’t wait for an answer before grabbing James by his shirt and dragging him outside. Cordelia paid no attention to the patrons gawking at their display as she frogmarched James outside of the restaurant and into the nearest secluded corner she could find on the street.

“What are you doing?” she demanded. They were standing outside, the winter air nipping at their skin but she was far too furious to notice or care.

“I was doing you a favour.”

“A favour!” she scoffed incredulously. “You call that a favour? I call that making an arse of yourself.”

“An arse–” James started indignantly. He reared back as if she’d hit him.

“And you embarrassed me! In front of my date!” she went on, her voice rising with every word.

“Embarrassed you!”

“Yes! We were having a perfectly lovely time before you marched over there and ruined it all. I’ll be lucky if he bothers to ask for a second date.”

“He’s not good enough for you, why would you go out for a second date?” James asked with a toss of his head.

“You were being a right snob in there, not everyone has daddy’s money like you do James Herondale,” Cordelia went on, taking a step closer to jab him in the chest.

That made him pause, because she was right. That had been a low blow.

“You’re right, that was in poor taste,” he said quietly, the wind leaving some of his sail. Daisy’s shoulders drooped.

“James, what’s going on? What was all this?” she asked quietly, the fight leaving her.

“I was being a right brute, I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you,” James said. He hadn’t noticed it but he’d taken another step closer to her, he could see the light glittering in her eyes as she gazed up at him.

“I’m a big girl, I can choose for myself.”

“Still, he wasn’t good enough for you,” James insisted, bringing a hand up to cup the back of her neck. Cordelia’s breath seemed to rush out of her as she gazed up at him. He couldn’t seem to stop himself from staring at Daisy’s lush mouth. He had the intense urge to see what it felt like pressed against his.

“And who’s good enough for me?” She aimed for a joking tone and failed. “You?”

“Well, I’d be a sight better than poor Seamus,” James said, moving closer.

“James, is this still banter?” Cordelia said breathlessly.

“I couldn’t be more serious, darling,” he replied. Daisy’s mouth parted and he closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to hers.

They were as soft as he’d imagined. She gasped against him and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue against hers.

She was so warm.

Cordelia gripped at his shoulders as his other arm came around her waist and pulled her roughly against him. They were a press of mouths and tongues, chests and hips as they tried to get closer to each other. Her hands were in his hair, James’s leg sliding in between hers for support as he pulled her upwards and closer, her dress bunching up around her legs as he pressed her against the wall.

James couldn’t stop touching her, his hands roaming down her back, to her hips, up her sides, gently cupping her breasts. Cordelia pressed closer to him with every pass, humming in pleasure when he touched her somewhere she liked. James’s skin felt tight, his shirt felt constrictive, he wanted nothing more than to have his skin pressed against hers.

He tore away from her mouth, pressing open mouthed kisses down her neck as she gasped, breathing in her smell, biting and licking his way down to her collarbone, sucking on one particular spot that made her legs tighten and shake around his thigh.

He couldn’t stop the rumble of approval in his chest when she arched against him, her hand in his hair, pushing his head where she wanted it most.

When she let out a choked, “Please!” his sanity hung by a thread.

Nothing had ever felt so right. He was at peace even as his pulse raced because finally, everything made sense.To think he had been denying himself this with Daisy this whole time.

“We have to stop,” Daisy panted. Her eyes were glazed with desire and her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. “We’re in public, someone could see us.”

The Neanderthal in James wanted nothing more than to be in flagrante delicto. Especially if it was Eamon who saw them and got the message that Daisy was off limits.

“You’re right,” James agreed with a nod. “We should go somewhere private.Your place or mine?”

Daisy gaped at him. “James…what does this mean… between us?”

“Well, for starters, no second date with Seamus.”

#cassandra clare #chain of iron #chain of gold #cordelia carstairs #james herondale #jordelia #james/cordelia #humour #romance #fanfiction

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onceupona-chaos · 4 years ago

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Shackles and bridges: SJM and the mating bond

I know there are a lot of posts about this, but I wanted to do one myself, so here we go.

DISCLAIMER: This is my interpretation as someone who is a very new member of this fandom and has more contact with “common readers”, since I was one myself until a couple of months ago. Everything here is based on textual evidence and my experience as an avid reader, so take a step back from any ship. But I will talk about the probability of a rejected mating bond, so if that's not your cup of tea, be warned. English is not my first language, so forgive me for any mistakes.

Be kind!

Also, minor spoiler for CC.

The mating bond is the most important element in SJM’s books and it's present in most of the main endgame couples. Aelin and Rowan, Feyre and Rhys, Nesta and Cassian, for example.

It’s described as this precious, sacred bridge between souls - or is it?

SJM is a very formulaic writer. We can draw several parallels with her writing, due to the way she structures her scenes and chooses her words.

We saw this explicitly with Nesta and Cassian in the Solstice scene, which is very similar to the one between Feyre and Rhysand: an emotional discussion, kissing tears away, lovemaking with “say it” and “you’re mine”, mating bond glowing between them, on and on.

Different characters, but same scenario, same process, same wording, almost the same scene.

However, considering that every mated couple until now ends up together HEA, I have the feeling that SJM is starting to explore the mating bond in different ways, otherwise every one of her books would be too… similar? In a way that the reader wouldn’t be surprised anymore, it would be the same story over and over.

To the ones who are faithful to those characters and to her books (her fans), this isn’t exactly a problem, but we have to consider the other readers as well, the bigger audience (SJM sold millions of copies, so not everyone who reads her books is engaged online).

For that exact reason, to approach a narrative element in a different way is very common among writers.

I’ll give you an example with Cassandra Clare and the parabatai bond (SPOILERS from TDA): the parabatai bond is an oath between friends who swear to protect each other. In TMI and TID, we have this bond between friends (Jace and Alec/ Will and Jem) that are almost brothers. However, in TDA, we have two parabatai (Julian and Emma) falling in love with each other, which is extremely forbidden.

The different ways a writer can approach the same elements are important to keep the readers engaged - not the reader who is a fan, but especially the occasional reader. Otherwise, it would be the “if you’ve read one, you’ve read them all” kind of thing, which is no bueno.

With that in mind, I really think SJM is starting to explore/ approach different sides of the mating bond.

Mate—not husband. The Fae had mates: an unbreakable bond, deeper than marriage, that lasted beyond death. (Heir of Fire/ ToG)

“But if they’re blessed, they’ll find their mate—their equal, their match in every way. High Fae wed without the mating bond, but if you find your mate, the bond is so deep that marriage is … insignificant in comparison.”

Another proof that SJM is formulaic: in both ToG and ACOTAR, the bond is presented for the first time in comparison to marriage, as something deeper and sacred.

However, Bryce, main character of CC (SJM book published before ACOSF), looks at it very differently:

“And at least he’s not some psychotic alphahole who will demand a three- day sex marathon and then call me his mate, lock me in his house, and never let me out again.” Which was why Reid—human, okay-at-sex Reid—was perfect.

This is such a contrast. To Bryce, the mating bond would take her freedom away (keep that in mind).

I’m not saying Bryce won’t have a mate or anything like that, but we don’t start reading CC with the same vision about the mating bond presented in the other books: a sacred bond, deeper than marriage. Bryce couldn’t care less about that, not once she wondered if Hunt is her mate.

Therefore, I don’t think SJM finally writing a different story about the mating bond so unthinkable. On the contrary, we see writers doing that all the time.

Also, I’m not saying Elain will reject it, but SJM is not only approaching the mating bond in different ways now, but she already structured a very solid base for a mating bond rejection to happen if she wants to:

ACOWAR

“You said your mother and father were wrong for each other; Tamlin said his own parents were wrong for each other.” I peeled off my dressing robe. “So it can’t be a perfect system of matching. What if”—I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden—“that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?”

“A mating bond can be rejected”.

SJM already wrote a whole scene to explain the mating bond and how, for some people, is not this sacred thing and it can be rejected. Not only that, she directly approached that Elain could reject it if she wanted to, and that scene involved Lucien and Azriel.

“You are his mate. Do you even know what that means?”

“It means nothing,” Elain said, her voice breaking. “It means nothing. I don’t care who decided it or why they did—”

“You belong to him.”

“I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you.“

Also in ACOWAR, Elain makes herself very clear: she would have ignored/ rejected the mating bond right there if Graysen still wanted a future with her, because she loved him. She would have chosen to follow her heart without hesitation.

The funny thing is that Azriel - Elain's current love interest - never saw that scene, never saw how Elain vigorously rejected Lucien for someone she loved or the way Graysen rejected her (I’ll leave this information to you).

ACOFAS

Those doe-brown eyes turned toward me. Sharper than I’d ever seen them.

“And that entitles him to my time, my affections?”

“No.” I blinked.

Her mouth tightened, the only sign of anger in her graceful countenance. “I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a male.”

Months go by and Elain is still uncomfortable with the bond.

ACOSF

“I am not always in this city to see my mate.” The last two words dripped with discomfort.

Her brown eyes were wary. Usually, that look was reserved for Lucien.

Elain only shrank further into herself, no trace of that newfound boldness to be seen.

At this point, it’s clear: the question "what if the Cauldron was wrong?" didn’t come out of nowhere, not only for Azriel, but in the narrative as well.

SJM had been slowly hinted at for three books now. I know she can change her mind, but if she wants to write about it, she made sure to write the perfect opportunity:

SJM already wrote a scene about the possibility of Elain rejecting the bond, that involved Elain, Lucien and Azriel, so it’s not coming from nowhere;

Lucien compared how different Elain is from the female who he had really loved;

They are both uncomfortable around each other;

Elain is romantically interested in someone else, who was part of that scene back in ACOWAR when we were presented to the possibility;

This someone else (Azriel) is interested in her;

SJM made sure to tie the romantic plot (Elain’s mating bond) with a political plot (Blood Duel);

The political plot is connected to the overarching plot (Autumn Court, Beron and Eris/ Koschei);

Mostly important: Elain is showing for three books that she doesn't want the bond;

"I don't want a mate. I don't want a male."

She literally said that with all the letters.

We can see this dichotomy between shackles (no freedom) x bridge (a connection) regarding Lucien as well.

"(Jesminda) She had chosen him. Elain had been … thrown at him."

He said that Elain had been thrown at him and also that they were shackled.

“Give her time to accept it.”

“To accept a life shackled to me?” (ACOFAS)

And then right in the next book (ACOSF) we have this:

“Well, I didn’t have a choice in being shackled to you, either.”

The declaration slammed into her. Shackled.(…)

Shackled.

Words beckoned, sharp as knives, begging for her to grab one and plunge it into his chest. Make him hurt as much as that one word hurt her.

SJM emphasized what that one word meant by repeating it and using italics. It’s another side of a mating bond: not a bridge of connection, but shackles with no freedom, no choice.

If Nesta was that hurt when Cassian (someone she loves) said that he didn’t get a choice in being "shackled” to her, can you imagine how is it for Elain and to actually have this bond with someone she don't love? And to Lucien as well?

The thing is in terms of storytelling, and by that I mean the plot, it’s undeniable that we already have everything that’s necessary to approach the matter of the mating bond in a way the reader has never seen before.

It’s a huge possibility, one that would make the regular readers interested (we have to remember that, not everyone who reads those books is engaged. They read them when it’s appealing).

If you want to look deeper, we can see little clues that point to that narrative path, too:

Elain shall wed for love and beauty.

The bond Elain had chosen.

Elain cut in sharply, “I am not a child to be fought over.”

Now, why hasn't Elain rejected the bond?

Because a writer doesn’t waist a good plot like that. Simple as that.

Let me tell you: SJM won’t waist that plot because a part of the fandom doesn’t like Elain, because 1) the online fandom itself is just a part of the readers; 2) inside the online fandom there are people who dislike Elain, who are neutral about her and people who like her; 3) SJM already know some people hate Elain, otherwise she wouldn’t have wrote this:

You think Elain is boring?

I think she’s kind, I’ll take kindness over nastiness any day. But I also think we haven’t seen all she has to offer yet.

SJM already told us she likes to write about disliked characters. She will write the story she wants to write and ACOSF is the major proof of that. If it’s a rejection or not, only she knows, everything could happen.

But SJM has been writing about mating bonds for years, do you really think the first time we get to see a rejection it would be for someone else’s POV? Or in a minor plot as if it isn’t a big deal? Especially when this rejection is directly related to a political plot and to the overarching plot?

No, not when SJM has enough material to write 700 pages and more, not when she has the opportunity to make a whole book out of this, one that is something entirely new for the reader, not when SJM built the perfect opportunity herself.

#pro elain #mating bond #pro elain archeron #acotar 5

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originalwinnercheesecake · 4 years ago

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Parabatai bond Essay... Why they may all be destined to end

Parabatai: defined by Cassandra Clare as a rare intense where a pare of warriors connect/bond in childhood and then decide to knit their souls together so that they can always stay together and always carry a piece of the other inside them. Defined by the fandom as “ a type of (supposedly) platonic marriage”. Cassandra Clare also wants to claim it as a type of bond that is unique to the shadow world, but honestly I can name several pair of Parabatai all across different media’s. Just looking at early 2000′s children's anime and Disney esqu movies we have Ash/Pikachu, Yugi Muto/the Pharaoh, Hiccup/Toothless, Woody/Buzz, etc...

... If you share my taste in these media’s you probably noticed that of the 4 other series “Parabatai” I listed 3 out of 4 (Ash and Pikachu are still partners right?) have to split off from the other due to changes of destiny/life. This is also the case for man,y many parabatai in The Shadowhunter Chronicles. Sounding off pairs that are important enough for me to care about underneath

Jonathan Shadowhunter/David the Silent: Let’s began at the beginning. Jonathan Shadowhunter was the first ever Shadowhunter. His favorite person in the world was his companion David, who wasn’t as much of a fighter as Jonathan but was very smart and very good at keeping Jonathan grounded when necessary. After being traumatized by a greater demon when fighting alone one da, David gave up fighting (and speaking), and became the first ever silent brother. The story said this broke their bond and broke Jonathan down to tears. I am sure David still loved him though. David could have chosen to go back to being a mundane but instead chose to undergo the rituals to turn himself into a silent brother. David was never that into fighting/war. Everything he did he did out of love for Johnathan. When David was no longer able to be there for Jonathan as a solider, he found a new way as a Silent Brother.

Robert Lightwood/ Michael Wayland: Parabatai and joined at the hip as teenagers. When Michael confessed to having romantic feelings towards Robert confusion as to his own feelings and fears surrounded by change drove Robert to reject Michael in a cruel and harsh way. Their bond is officially severed after the uprising when Michael die,s and Robert is exiled. Decades later Robert still regards hurting Michael as the biggest mistake in his life, the persist moment when he lost faith in himself. It is only after he confesses to his oldest child what he did and how it still haunts him all these years, only after he is finally able to acknowledge within himself the importance of the memories he has of Michael, that Robert is able to finally turn his life around for the better.

Valentine Morgenstern/ Lucian Greymark: Parabatai while studying at the academy, and for a few years afterwards. When Luke started to doubt Valentine’s plans, Valentine took him to be ambushed by a pack of feral werewolves hoping Luke would be killed instead Luke was turned. After this Valentine and Luke became bitter enemy's. These two men who once had so much love for the other, now swore to destroy any plan the other had and would fight with the intent to kill upon seeing he other. Despite all this bad blood, both still loved the memories of who the other used to be, and it is implied that a lot of their hatred for who the other is now is born from grief over they Parabatai they lost.

William Herondale/James Carstairs: CC’s closest Parabatai pair. Both Will and Jem had their whole lives shattered by demons when they were just children, and afterwards questioned at times if it was still really had much of a reason to carry on. Then they met each other and decided that they had to carry on because they loved the other to much to leave them alone. These two are in a way echo’s of Jonathan and David, and like David Jem joins the brotherhood when it is no longer possible for him to stay with Will and Tessa as a shadowhunter. They lose the bonds, but keep their love for each other. Will calls silent city on a daily basis with some excuse for needing Brother Zachariah, and Jem faithfully answers every call.

Julian Backthorn/Emma Carstairs: Fall in love, turn into Giant “true Shadowhunters”. Their bond is severed when their runes are burned off by heavenly fire coursing though their veins. By this time though their relationship had already changed from a platonic one to a romantic one.

James Herondale/ Matthew Fairchild: The two that unquestionably love each other, but do not always love the others choices. As Parabatai they try to reach out to the other and help them. But both boys deal with so much and have trouble recognizing/excepting help when it when offered. Matthew is more aware of James issues than James is of Mathews, All though by the end of Chain of Iron even Matthew is at lose to understand James. James for his part only just starts to realize how sick Matthew may be. There are a lot of theories floating around that Matthew may being to sick to function as/ protect himself as a shadowhunter. With so much to recover from will their Parabatai bond last, or are they destined to seperate?

Cordelia Carstairs/ Lucie Herondale: The will they-won’t they pair. They have planed o one day become Parabatai since they were little girls, but have never gotten around to it. They are both nearly adults now and the story already seems to be puling them in opposite direction, so a lot of people now doubt that they will even make it to the ceremony.

Jace Herondale/ Alexander Lightwood: CC’ first pair of Parabatai, and so far the only pair to keep their bond for the whole series. Like seriously even when Jace died, he came back with the bond intact and Alec reporting that he only felt a little off for a few minutes. CC’s newest reasoning behind that is that there is apparently a delay time between one parabatai dying and the bond severing, and Jace came back before his and Alec’s had time to do more than fray at the edges. So that means that our boys stayed tethered together even when Jace was on his way to the afterlife. WOW (keep this reason CC, it actually kinda works). Jace and Alec’s bond has lasted the longest, but we still have 4 more books where something bad can happen to one of them, and they are now fighting in 2 wars at once.

Clary Fairchild/ SImon Lovelace: became Parabatai in between series, after both failing as a couple, and Simon going through multiple species changes. They are still parabatai in the most recent book but, like with Jace and Alec, we still have 4 future books that could change in. Clary, Jace, and Simon are CC’s three original main characters. She claims that the plan is to wrap up the Shadowhunter Chronicles for good in The Wicked Powers. What is the likelihood that she will leave all three of her original mains alive. I mean Clary already had a vision where “a version of herself” died, and Simon was originally supposed to die in COHF, but CC’s friends begged her to let him live.

While CC claims that Parabatai are rare in her universe, what seems to actually be rare is Parabatai staying bonded throughout the pairs lives. Why is that? Well lets remember that one of the rules for Parabatai is that they must meet and be bonded during childhood, Once they become adults they are no longer eligible. A fact of growing up is that lives and people change: We make friends, we love our friends,are there for them while we can be, and yet sometimes as we grow friends part ways. People die, they move away, or just grow apart. Memories of old friends and places we all used to hang out become beloved memories of being younger. During a time in our lives when we felt more innocent and care free. A time that sadly never lasts. In conclusion to why parabatai bonds tend to break parabatai could represent the close bonds of childhood, the friends who helped you grow into an adult, and some one who you are able to treasure your memories of as an adult, even if, due to circumstance, you no longer see that person as much or at all. Value your parabatai because you don’t know how long you will actually have them

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crimeronan · 4 years ago

Note

Can you explain the appeal of Julian Blackthorn? This is a genuine question because I read the books and came away utterly bored by him and unconvinced of his moral greyness as opposed to like, Adam Parrish’s. He seemed so one dimensional to me but I want to know if I’m Wrong TM considering I tend to be very very biased toward my favourite characters and bored by the rest, and my favourites were Mark and Kieran. So maybe I just didn’t pay him enough attention??

it’s been a while since i wrote any earnest tsc meta but cringe culture is dead and the chance to infodump about my julian thoughts has me vibrating where i’m sitting so. yes okay.

technical stuff

(aka: things pertaining to How The Story Is Constructed)

cassandra clare’s characterization has become much stronger just in general since she first began writing the series like twenty years ago

perhaps most importantly: the more recent stuff i’ve read from her has involved characters who actually grow, change, and learn from their past mistakes

rather than repeating the same stupid decisions over and over again

and over and over and over some more

seriously take a shot every time someone in tmi miscommunicates or self-destructs in ways They Have Learned Not To Do for no real reason. u will die of alcohol poisoning

in tda this shines ESPECIALLY with the evolution of mark, kieran, and cristina’s relationship, but that’s a separate post

clare’s trademark is also the angsty traumatized jerkass love interest with a secret heart of gold

the woman is almost singlehandedly responsible for draco in leather pants and the proliferation of this kind of character type in fandom and teen lit. this isn’t a criticism it’s me marveling at how if you commit hard enough to a single trope you truly can change the world. follow your dreams

sad jackass with a heart of gold isn’t an Inherently Problematic Character Type

but poorly done it can lead to relationship dynamics in which one partner is constantly being hurt by and then forgiving the other despite them making no real effort to change, because they are narratively absolved due to being sad

(there’s a lot of this with earlier jace content. in some ways i think will was later created specifically to be a same-archetype protagonist who actually does get called on his shit and grow. that’s also another post)

also if all of your sexy male love interests are tortured jackasses with a heart of gold then people start calling you a one-trick pony

enter julian blackthorn!

from the very start everything about him is designed to be the INVERSE of the heart of gold jackass. which immediately makes him interesting just from a meta perspective

(mark and kieran are also both alternate angles on this time-honored archetype. mark gets the heart of gold and kieran gets the jackass and then they’re both much more deeply messy than that. yet another post)

julian is kind, self-sacrificing, empathetic, artistic, emotionally supportive, responsible, and favored by old grannies everywhere

so a completely nonthreatening milquetoast guy, right

immediately forgettable if you’re only here for the dramatic conflicts and shithead antics of clare’s other protags

except that he is A Mess

and that he has structured his priorities very carefully, and they are as selfless as you expect from The Hero (TM) but they are also Not Heroic (TM) and they do not align with the moral framework The Hero (TM) is supposed to use

moral ambiguity in characters always exists in relation to their narratives imo. you mention adam parrish - trc’s narrative already mucks around in different ethical shades of gray, and adam falls on the canon scale about where julian does on his canon scale. both more willing than the average pov character to do the ruthless thing or make the fucked-up choice if the ends justify the means; both with an intensely strong sense of internal priorities that they adhere to at all costs, both so unbelievably fucking down for murder; etc

i do think there are ways julian’s choices could have been pushed even further, but considering the number of readers who hate his guts already, i can see why clare opted not to go for the most controversial possible conflicts

so we’re flipping the narrative

instead of seeing this angsty bad boy and peeling back the layers of his trauma to find his heart of gold, we’re seeing the put-together selfless family man and peeling back the layers of his Responsibility Mask to expose the rotting husk underneath

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

THAT IS FUN AS FUCK

then when julian DOES lash out in hurtful, uncontrolled ways, he has significantly more narrative justification for it than most of clare’s protagonists (will elaborate in characterization thoughts)

julian is also interesting as fuck because of how his struggles allow for a more in-depth look at the failings of shadowhunter society, something that’s also sorely lacking in clare’s earlier work

his apparent amorality is simply the result of him making pragmatic and impossible choices because he has been faced with fucked-up ethical dilemmas since age 12 Because Society Has Failed Him

which opens the door for narrative exploration of how and why he’s been failed so badly & what needs to change

i also love that he has such a coldly calculated way of analyzing situations and allowing harm to occur when need be, bc a lot of clare’s early protagonists have such a bad case of Rush In And Get Myself Killed Because I’ve Got Feelings About Impulsive Heroism syndrome that i wanna push them in front of a truck

probably there’s other meta narrative stuff i could say but i’m stopping myself and moving on to character analysis

characterization stuff

(aka: reasons why i’m also attached to him in a vacuum)

i don’t read him as one-dimensional at all tbh

u may feel the narrative pushes “ruthless julian blackthorn” too much without delivering enough actual ruthless julian But i don’t think that’s the same as having only one dimension

from the get-go, the big question centered on julian is always “how far are you willing to go?” and the narrative pushes the stakes slowly higher and higher to continuously test julian’s “the price is always justified” mindset

he has a far more layered and realistic response to trauma than clare’s early protagonists - trauma affects every single aspect of his personality and how he conducts himself, and the effects vary depending on the circumstances

his conviction that he has to be the perfect parent to his siblings because they will fall apart if they see him show weakness?? rooted in how he feels like he’s fallen apart since losing the stable adult support he once relied upon

his willingness to hurt semi-innocent people, commit coldblooded murder, manipulate people using political leverage, allow harm to befall any stranger if it protects his family?? rooted in how he has already had to ask himself how much he’s willing to sacrifice, and how his family is his only source of stability when the world has never done Shit for him

his conviction that he has a darker heart than anyone else because he killed his possessed father, even though intellectually he knows he was saving his brother’s life?? rooted in having no means of processing this trauma and being unable to voice his feelings for fear of backlash from a deeply non-understanding society

the way he represses every single negative emotion he ever has, to the point where emma - his actual literal magic soulmate who can feel his emotions - is startled to find him hurting or angry?? once again all about how he has to be the perfect father or he’s failed completely

the way his anger is so totally disproportionate to different situations and the way his negative emotions can only come out in completely uncontrolled breaks?? all that repression baybey. this kid has not processed a single bad feeling in five years. every single real grievance and petty annoyance has been festering indefinitely inside him like a slowly spreading infection

julian’s arc involves him needing to get thru being his worst self to actually start to heal

as in, he has to actually learn to acknowledge his feelings, take care of himself, lean on his family, and let other people take some responsibility

he also has to learn that in his quest to be the perfect emotionally controlled authority figure, he has not actually learned how to control or deal with his emotions. like. At Fucking All. good god

the narrative setup is also about asking “how far are you willing to go?” until the answer is finally “not this far. not this far”

and once he reaches that point, he has to reevaluate everything about how he weighs his priorities and morals and plans, etc

(i also like that emma has a perpendicular arc in which she’s always the one tempering julian and telling him “no we can’t go that far” until she’s willing to do something horrific that he absolutely won’t and HE has to stop HER. very sexy)

it’s also just really nice to have a character who’s learned to relate so well to literally every single member of his family while still having a very detached ruthless interior consciousness. i have similar feelings about how adam teaches himself to love people, but with julian it’s spelled out more explicitly in canon & it’s a more central character theme

i’m sure i’m also forgetting stuff here but this post is long enough so i’m gonna say good enough

and like i said in the tags on my other post, there are things i’d personally write differently if it were my story - plot points i’d shift, character contrasts i’d up, themes i’d explore differently, pacing i’d adjust, etc. i have plenty of ways i could be nitpicky and editorial about the effectiveness of julian’s arc. but i also don’t feel like writing them out at the moment & none of my critiques on effectiveness have an impact on the core appeal of his character 2 me. he’s so fucking good

#replies #tsc #tda #julian blackthorn #meta #long post #ungodly long post.#shadowhunters #Anonymous

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cjfritos · 4 years ago

Text

In Dreams Begin (Jessa wedding story)

Obviously written by Cassandra Clare. I own no rights to this. This was included in first editions of The Lost Book of the White by her and Wesley Chu. It tells the story of Jem Carstairs and Tessa Gray’s wedding and explains why no one remembers it.

Unfortunately it does include some spoilers from LBW so if you have not read it yet, I don’t recommend reading it. Otherwise, enjoy :)

~~~

Magnus Bane was scheming.

To an untrained observer, the High Warlock of Brooklyn wouldn’t look like he was doing much of anything at all. For one thing, he was wearing purple silk pajamas. For another thing, he was in bed, leaning back against a pile of pillows with a spell book open in his lap.

Beside him, Alec Lightwood was stretched out on his side, deeply asleep. Earlier that day, Alec had taken their son, Max, to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. This had been at Magnus’s request—he wanted Max to have ample opportunity to tire himself out before bedtime. It worked almost too well. Max had made fast friends with a werewolf toddler named Eliza, and the two of them tore around the gardens blissfully for about three hours straight, Max crawling while Eliza ran, albeit unsteadily. Eliza’s mother had been quite surprised the first time Max levitated. Luckily, he was glamoured so only she and Alec noticed.

Though not possessed of much vocabulary, Eliza clearly wanted Max to levitate her as well. Fortunately, Max did not yet have that sort of skill. Alec and Max returned home happy, covered in mud, and—best of all—exhausted. Magnus really wanted them all to sleep through the night.

Magnus shifted position and peered across the room at the mantel clock atop the dresser, a hideous thing covered in putti that Ragnor had given him years ago. The room was lit only by a candle that burned with a blue flame on the table beside him, but he could make out the numbers. It was one forty-five a.m. Surely that was late enough. Surely even the Shadowhunters and Downworlders of the West Coast would be turning in. He’d given Catarina and Jem and Tessa a heads-up, after all, and as for the Blackthorns and Emma Carstairs, they were kids! And not even babies, with their bizarre and erratic relationship to sleep. Surely the would be asleep by now, worn out from running around on the beach or whatever it was that the residents of the Los Angeles Institute did all day. Yes, it was time.

Snuggling a little farther under the blanket, Magnus looked fondly over at Alec’s sleeping form, his black hair like spilled ink across the ivory pillowcase. He closed his book and set it on the bedside table. He mentally reached within, feeling about for a particular pocket of magic folded away deep inside, a self-contained bubble. I had been two weeks since he’d been freed from the influence of the Svefnthorn, and while the markings on his skin had faded, his teeth had shrunk back to their normal size, and the overcharged magic of the artifact had left his system, this one reserve of magical energy had lingered.

At first, Magnus had considered hanging on to it as a sort of insurance policy. A little extra magic went a long way, especially when the magic was this potent, and Magnus was quite certain that he and Alec and their friends would have plenty more dangers to face in the years to come. That was their job, after all. But clinging to the magic out of fear of imagined dangers didn’t feel good. It felt like letting demons have a small victory over him, playing right into their scaly, demonic hands. No, instead he had resolved to use the power in a decidedly un-demon-sanctioned manner—to create joy.

Magnus shut his eyes. Oneiromancy, the study and practice of dream magic, had never been one of his specialties. But with the added kernel of power from the Sveftnthorn, he felt quite confident that he could pull of this one feat, even as complex as it was. The trickiest part, it seemed to him, was holding himself in that drowsy state between waking and sleeping, while maintaining enough awareness to cast the spell. He lay back against the pillows, letting his eyelids flutter shut for just a moment….

~~~

When Magnus opened his eyes again, he was standing in the middle of Blackfriars Bridge, the panorama of London spread out around him in all directions.

He took a deep breath of river-tasting air. The sky was a dark violet, the sun only just beginning to rise. There was no traffic, which was a distinct advantage to throwing a party on a dream bridge rather than on the real thing. There was a warm breeze in the air, and the Thames danced beneath it, silvery in the dawn light. Had he ever noticed wind in a dream before? Magnus wasn’t sure. He admired the view from the bridge—it seemed just about right, though he hadn’t been here for a couple decades. Perhaps some ugly new construction had taken place since then, but who would fault him for omitting that?

“Magnus!”

He turned and saw two figures hurrying toward him. It was Tessa and Jem, both in what Magnus assumed was their pajamas. Tessa’s were gray with white rabbits on them. Jem’s were dark-green-and-navy-blue plaid. They were barefoot, but that wouldn’t matter on a dream bridge. He started to smile as they got closer and he could see that they were both giddy and laughing, a hint of disbelief on their faces.

Tessa threw her arms around him, knocking him off-balance. He marveled at how solid and real she felt.

“It’s working!” she said in wonder.

“A magical discipline unexplored is always worth exploring,” Magnus said, stepping back. “I may be late to the game with oreiromancy, but I plan to make up for my tardiness all at once, right now. Is that what your planning to wear to your wedding?”

“It’s not traditional, but neither was the yellow cotton shirt dress I wore for the courthouse wedding. And I do love bunnies,” said Tessa. “I’m all right with it if Jem is.”

“I would marry you if you were wearing a barrel,” said Jem.

“But why would I be wearing a barrel?” said Tessa.

They were both grinning at each other stupidly. Magnus decided something needed to be done; he wasn’t sure how long his magic would hold out.

“I won’t have it!” he said. “If I’m to throw you a dream wedding, you must be properly dressed for the occasion. It’s in my contract. I do hope you read the fine print.”

He snapped his fingers, and Jem’s pajamas were replaced by an exquisitely cut black suit. Magnus aimed for something that suggested the style of the Shadowhunter gear Jem had worn long ago, in the first years he knew Tessa. Wedding runes were intricately embroidered on the lapels in gold thread. As Jem marveled at the excellent fit, Magnus turned his attention to Tessa.

“I know,” he said, “a wedding dress is a highly personal choice. But as our other guests will be arriving momentarily, and time is of the essence, I’m going to take a stab at it.”

“You have my express permission,” Tessa said.

Magnus snapped his fingers again, and the Tessa was wearing a beautiful sleeveless gown of pale silver, with a full skirt that reminded Magnus of the first time he’d met her, at a vampire ball. A couple more flicks of his fingers, and her hair rearranged itself beautifully into an updo, with a few tendrils loose around her face. One more gesture, and Tessa’s familiar jade pendant appeared around her neck—as did the pearl bracelet she always wore, a gift from Will on their thirtieth anniversary.

Tessa looked startled, reaching up to touch her hair, then brushing her hands over the gown. “How do I look?”

Jem looked very young again as he gazed at her, his dark eyes full of emotion. “Ni hen piao liang,” he whispered. You are very beautiful.

Magnus turned away to give them a moment—and felt familiar arms close around him.

Alec kissed Magnus on his forehead—being slightly shorter than Magnus, he had to pull Magnus down a bit to do it, which Magnus didn’t mind at all—and muttered, “You’re a sentimental bastard, aren’t you?” in his ear.

But he was grinning all over his face as he turned to greet Tessa and Jem, congratulating them. They both looked delighted to see him.

“So let me get this straight,” Alec said. “You, me, Tessa, and Jem will all remember this with perfect recall. For the other guests, they’ll remember it at first, but then it will fade away, the way dreams do?”

“That is correct. They won’t recall it the way we will, but their souls will be present, and glad for it. Well, mostly glad for it,” Magnus said.

“What do you mean, ‘mostly’?” Jem said nervously.

“I mean that I’m not sure how Church will feel about the whole thing.”

“Church!” Alec and Jem exclaimed at the same time, and turned to see the grumpy Persian cat sauntering toward them down the center of the bridge.

Tessa laughed. “Well, he does sleep twenty hours a day. I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised.”

“I took the liberty of adding him to the guest list you gave me,” Magnus said. “I’m trying to get on his good side.”

“Why?” Alec asked, incredulous. “He’s a cat.”

“So he won’t hate me forever when I do this.” Magnus snapped his fingers, and a silver bow in the same fabric as Tessa’s dress appeared around Church’s neck. Church’s eyes widened for a moment. Then he sat down, and after a moment, became very focused on cleaning his front paw.

“Now,” Magnus said, “I simply must get this bridge decorated.”

“It’s decorated perfectly,” said a voice from behind him. Turning, he saw Clary, who was holding Max. Behind her was Jace, followed by Isabelle and Simon, who were leaning together, whispering conspiratorially. Jocelyn and Luke were there, looking slightly unkempt, and Magnus remembered that they were in the process of remodeling a barn at Luke’s farm so Jocelyn could expand her painting studio. Ragnor and Catarina had also appeared, as well as a whole gaggle of kids—the Blackthorn clan. Julian and Helen, Tiberius and Livia, Drusilla and Octavian. Emma Carstairs was with them, though she broke away from the group immediately, running to hug Clary. They were the same height now, Magnus noticed with amusement. Max had escaped from Clary and was riding on Alec’s shoulders now, babbling a story to Helen Blackthorn and her wife, Aline. They looked very amused, though it was unlikely they understood even a quarter of what he said.

Maryse and Kadir were there too, already deep in conversation with Jocelyn and Luke. Kadir hadn’t been on the guest list Jem and Tessa had given Magnus, because they didn’t really know him, but Magnus had added him as Maryse’s plus-one. It never hurt to butter up your boyfriend’s mother, especially when she was willing to babysit for days at a time.

A couple Silent Brothers had appeared—Enoch? Shadrach? Magnus was slightly embarrassed to admit that they all looked alike to him, now that Jem was no longer counted among their number as Brother Zachariah. Magnus hadn’t known if the Gregori would be able to attend, since they didn’t normally sleep. One of them—Enoch?—inclined his hooded head slightly at Magnus, acknowledging this mad thing he was doing as worthwhile. At least that was how Magnus chose to interpret the gesture.

Octavian was climbing Jace like a jungle gym. Clary was talking with Julian and Emma, while Tiberius stood near his older brother, looking around at London with fierce curiosity in his gray eyes. Livia and Drusilla were perched on the railing of the bridge, Livia chatting animatedly with Simon and Isabelle, Drusilla looking around shyly. Catarina went to lean beside her, asking her a question. Magnus looked at the motley assortment of clothing on the assembled group. Mostly casual, though there were more pajamas as well. Magnus made two sweeping gestures, and all at once everyone was looking very sharp in formal attire. Even better, they barely seemed to notice the change. Magnus was impressed. Oneiromancy—who knew!

A hand gripped his arm. It was Tessa, who looked close to tears. “Magnus. I can’t believe you’re doing this for us. I…” She trailed off, at a loss for words.

Magnus regarded her fondle. “Tessa, most people’s idea of a dream wedding is not a literal dream wedding. But since yours is, I am happy to oblige. Shall we get this show on the road?”

Jem and Tessa took their places on either side of Magnus, and the guests gathered around. The sun had climbed well above the horizon, casting rays of warm light between the long shadows of the wedding guests.

“Dear friends,” Magnus said to Jem and Tessa, “we are honored to share this moment with you, and I am doubly honored to be given the chance to speak. Several hundred years ago I got very drunk and woke up as ordained minister. Today I have decided that doing so was a wise choice after all.”

Jocelyn snorted, then looked embarrassed. Luke grinned at her.

“Joking aside, it is impossible to stand here with you all and not feel that there is some greater plan at work, some greater force that has brought these two souls across more than a century to be joined as one.”

Clary’s eyes were glistening. Jace reached into his pocket and offered her what looked like a handkerchief but was more likely a soft cloth for polishing blades. She gave a wry smile of recognition, and sniffled into it.

“I debated which customs to follow in officiating this wedding,” Magnus went on. “Whether to conduct a Shadowhunter ceremony, or a warlock ceremony, or even a mundane ceremony, for many worlds have been united in the two of you. But none of these traditions seemed quite appropriate on their own. So I’ve attempted to tailor a ceremony that will honor your unique paths.”

Magnus nodded to Jem, who reached into his pocket and produced a gold ring. Jem had requested a single word etched around the outside of it: Mizpah.

“It has been said,” said Magnus, “that when two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze. Theresa Gray, are you at one with James Carstairs in your inmost heart?”

Tessa’s eyes were wide, her face serious as she gazed at Jem. “I am,” she said, offering her hand to him. He slid the ring onto her finger.

The Magnus nodded at Tessa, who produced another ring, this one from thin air. Magnus had to suppress the grin that threatened to break his calm officiant expression. It delighted him that Tessa was engaging in a small amount of oneiromancy herself, and Jem looked as pleased by it as Magnus felt. This ring was the exact match of the first, and he knew what it said as well: May the Angel watch between me and thee when we are absent from one another.

“James Carstairs—Ke Jian Ming—are you at one with Theresa Gray in your inmost heart?”

“I am,” Jem said, delight visible in his dark eyes. Tessa put the ring on him, and they stood for a moment, holding hands and smiling at each other like they couldn’t quite believe this was happening.

“For I am persuaded,” said Magnus, and Jem and Tessa both looked up at him, recognizing a piece of the old Shadowhunter wedding ceremony, though he had altered the wording, “that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor demons, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate these two.” He stretched out his arms. “Therefore I am overjoyed to declare this marriage consecrated, here in the presence of your friends and family. Tessa Gray and Jem Carstairs, you are married, and the world is better for it. You may kiss each other, not that you really need my permission.”

The assembled crowd cheered as Jem and Tessa kissed, a kiss that had been long delayed. The kiss continued, and Magnus slowly backed away, joining the cheering audience. “Let’s give them a moment,” he said, and happy chatter swelled around him.

Magnus noted that Alec was looking very foxy in his Armani suit, laughing with Maryse. Ragnor and Catarina were cackling over something, glad to be reunited now that Ragnor didn’t have to pretend to be dead—or at least, didn’t have to pretend with them. Clary had her arm draped over Emma’s shoulders, and Jace was arguing with Simon about how to properly tie a necktie. Tiberius and Drusilla were watching this argument as though it were a tennis match. Julian had lifted Octavian up so he could look down at the river flowing by beneath. Isabelle was joking with Livia, who was giving Max a piggyback ride. It was a miraculously good wedding.

Here they were, his friends. They’d literally gone into Hell twice with him now. He found himself reflecting on how much had changed. At first his life had felt like Magnus against the world. Then for years and years it had been Magnus, Catarina, and Ragnor against the world. Now his community was a much larger group, one that had spread wide enough that instead of Magnus and his friends against the world, it felt like Magnus and his friends, a part of the world. Probably the best part of the world.

It was a good feeling.

“Look!” a girl’s voice cried. It was Drusilla, pointing up into the sky, eyes wide with wonder. There was a collective gasp as the crowd saw what she had spotted. Two figures flew overhead, riding a translucent white stallion with two gold hooves and two silver. One of them was a blond boy in ragged clothes, who looked down at the Blackthorns and waved. The figure in front of him was harder to make out—a gentry faerie in clothes just as ragged, only he was as translucent as the horse. The blond boy must be Mark Blackthorn, Magnus marveled. He’d “invited” the whole family, not knowing whether those who rode with the Wild Hunt could be summoned by dream magic. He had his answer, but it came with another mystery. Who was this companion, so close to Mark that they would appear together in a dream?

The riders made a circle overhead, while the Blackthorns shouted and waved, and Mark waved back, smiling an odd smile down at them. Then they faded away into the morning air.

Magnus saw with relief that Jace, Clary, Simon, Isabelle, and Alec had all move in around the Blackthorn kids, giving them an opportunity to talk about what they had just seen—their stolen brother, visiting so briefly.

He glanced over and saw Tessa and Jem still standing by the railing. There was a shimmer beside them, at the edge of the bridge, and the hair on the back of Magnus’s neck rose.

He knew Will Herondale had never haunted the moral world, because he had lived and died happily and had no unfinished business among the living. While Magnus didn’t subscribe to any specific set of beliefs about reincarnation or the afterlife, he had always had a strong sense that Will was waiting on the other bank of a dark river—be it Lethe, or some other border between the living and the dead. He was there among the green grass, the sky above as dark a blue as his eyes, waiting patiently for Jem and Tessa to join him, that he might lead them by the hand to whatever wonders lay beyond the veil.

The philosophers of ancient Greece had believed dreams and sleep to be the twin of death: Morpheus and Hades, standing side by side. And here, in that space, Magnus would not have been surprised if Will stretched out his hand to those he had loved best in life—to Jem and Tessa.

He was, after all, a Herondale, and very stubborn.

Alec sidled up to Magnus, leaving the Blackthorns in the capable hands of his siblings and their partners. The kids seemed to have taken Mark’s appearance as a sort of wedding favor created especially for them.

Alec twinned an arm around Magnus’s waist and pulled him close, kissing him on the temple. “It was very kind of you to use the last of your Svefnthorn magic on this,” he said.

Magnus leaned into Alec. “Well, it wasn’t enough magic to send us to the moon, or get us into the front row at the Alexander McQueen runway. So I figured, next best thing.”

Alec smiled at him pointedly. “Actually, I happen to know that you did it because you are an incredibly kind person, and that is one of the many things I love about you.”

“Oh dear,” Magnus said, turning to face him. “You know all my secrets.”

Then they were kissing, and kissing in a magical dream turned out to be just as perfect as kissing in the waking world.

#jessa #jem carstairs #tessa gray #magnus bane #jessa wedding #the lost book of the white #tlbotw #lbw #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #cassandra clare #in dreams begin

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solomonish · 3 years ago

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i definitely relate to what you said about being uninterested in childrens book when you were younger bc they were so easy! i read jaws in 5th grade but i don’t remember the other series i was reading back then. i read the divergent series, twilight, and the hunger games in 6th-7th grade right in the middle of all the hype! i remember kids wearing mockingbird pins to school, lol. i was obsessed with the infernal devices by cassandra clare in middle school and loved the historical fantasy aspect of it (the shadowhunters/city of bones movie was pretty lame and i grew out of the phase by the time the tv show came around). in 8th grade i finally raided my moms book shelf and her stephen king collection and read The Shining (still one of my favorites), which was my first experience reading like “adult” books instead of YA.

if you’ve already mentioned this i’m sorry for asking again, my memory is not great, but do you still find motivation to read now? i know my love of reading has ebbed and waned over the years unfortunately, but i’ve been getting back that spark lately!

- reading anon

omg no idea how i managed to give such a late response AGAIN i'm so sorry i have no excuse except chronic dumbbrain

honestly though? I didn't get into a whole lot of series as a kid. i read the first twilight book in 4th grade (it took me an entire 9 weeks to do it but I got a bunch of AR points for it - if you are unfamiliar with those I do not know how to explain it but will if u ask lol) and I read the hunger games books like.....LATE into their fame. I only got into the movie series because my older sister, who was in the target demographic for both of those at their height, loved them and when my mom took her to the movies she invited me and what, was I gonna say NO to being out at midnight and eating super buttery movie popcorn?? as I type this i am looking at the giant edward button on my bookshelf that I stole from the stuff my sister left when she moved. Twilight has a special place in my heart lol

But other than that and the children's series I mentioned before, I never really got into the big franchises. I never read H*rry P*tter and have only seen one full movie, never got into LoTR, uh.....whatever other ones, I haven't really read...and I mean this in the least hipster way possible lol. There's something about the Expectation to Enjoy and the Always Being Out Of The Zeitgeist So Why Even Try that just shuts down my motivation to get into them LOL.....so really only Twilight and Hunger Games were crazes I was part of and even then I was at an age where I liked them but didn't really care lol

and my mom really loves Stephen King too! I tried to read his books but honestly....I don't like them :/ I respect his achievements I guess but I cannot get interested in his stories. Idk if it's the way he writes or what but I tried getting into them when I needed challenging material...it didn't work! I also tried to read Nicholas Sparks, who was (maybe still is?) my sister's favorite author but GOD. I DO NOT LIKE HIS SHIT EITHER. And this isn't meanspirited at all, more power to their readers! I'm not one to get uppity about writing styles and fave authors, especially ones I haven't even read a full book from. But those are two authors that were always in my house that I never was able to get into

One author I was able to get into? SARAH DESSEN. Technically I've "aged out" of her books (although I'm of the opinion that you can read whatever you want, no shame...like come on bro we're all just trying to have a little fun) but I've always loved her works from the day I first read them. I remember my first book of hers I read! It was "just listen" and while it's not my favorite of hers, it holds a place in my heart just from being the first one I read. I picked it up off my sister's dresser (she's turning up in this ask a lot lol) and asked if I could read it and she just shrugged and didn't seem into it? But I read it and my eyes were WIDE OPEN to the world of YA romance. Oh god. I was in 6th grade and I was like "this is it. this is the pinnacle of literary achievement." I was in 6th grade, so about 12? I think? and now 10 years later I still check to see if she's got anything new out when I'm at Barnes and Noble. I think there are 2-3 of her books I haven't read and a novella. God. I love her books so much, shamelessly. (I have her most recent book, "The Rest of the Story," in my nightstand but I haven't read it yet - I'm getting there!!) I have 7 of her books stacked up on my bookshelf and I want to read them all eventually. My favorite is probably Saint Anything - idk why, it just. It hit me. That one got me. That one and Lock and Key.

LAST ASK YOU ASKED ME WHAT BOOK I WISH I COULD REREAD FOR THE FIRST TIME? Lock and Key and The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen. I felt like such a badass having those thick ass books on my desk in 6th grade, UGH. I can't believe I forgot that feeling. But i remember now babyyyyy

All this to say I actually...........still don't like most adult writing LOL. I have TRIED to get into contemporary adult writing but most of the time it does NOT scrath that itch. I think I have a few books that would fall under that category that I still need to read and i'm SO OPEN to this changing about me, but I'm honestly still in my little YA corner. The problem with that, though, is that it's definitely not as enjoyable to read, or not in the same way, because I have grown up. And that's not to fault the books at all, not their fault the passage of time exists, but when I was younger I was still looking forward to high school. I'm fortunate where my high school experience wasn't anything I'm particularly jaded by, but I'm a big girl now. The dramatics of these fake teen girls definitely translate to me as, well...dramatic more than anything. Again, that's not BAD and I'm not bashing YA! It's just weird to read these books from the pov that "this is definitely a fiction story (in my lifetime)" as opposed to the 6th grade view of "this is a range of emotions I could technically feel in 3 years." Not that I didn't know it was fiction back then, but come on, who didn't romanticize high school a little bit before they got there? I definitely did.

I am...currently trying to get my bookworm status back, actually! I've gotta be honest, once I hit high school I was so tired of reading textbooks and screens that I stopped reading as much as I used to and it stayed pretty stagnant until my senior year. I took a class that was called "fact and fiction" but it was basically like a book club led by the two best teachers in school. Most of the time we'd read classics as a class, but sometimes they'd have us break off and do our own thing like "read a book that's on the NYT Bestseller's list this month" or "read a book that's been banned" or "read and american classic" - this class is how I found out that The Jungle is actually pretty solid in entertainment value if not a bit hard to get through language wise, Slaughterhouse Five is what I say my favorite book is when i want to sound smart and it is SO GOOD (and I could go on about how it's totally a representation of the author's PTSD but that's a story for a different day), and i absolutely DESPISE The Turn of the Screw. Cool concept, absolute HELL to get through. So that class got me reading again, but then I went to college and then covid hit and I've had some Life Happening To Me and I kinda fell out of the practice again. I'm on book 3 of this year - 12 year old me would be horrified, but 20 year old me is bouncing in her seat - and unfortunately my first two attemtps were...not that great?

The first book I read was called The Warlow Experiment by Alix Nathan and it was one of THE WORST books I've ever read. I thought it'd be some thrilling kind of psychological-experiment-gone-wrong story, but the author somehow took what sounds like it could be thrilling fiction and made it the most BORING story ever. (SPOILERS if u care) It took forever for me to feel like there was ever anything at stake - John Warlow is getting restless? Well, the experiment ends in seven years. Powyss has to prove the worth of his experiment? We won't know if he does that for seven years. Powyss starts an affair with Warlow's wife? Man, too bad we have to wait SEVEN YEARS FOR THE CONFLICT TO HAPPEN. Every character except for Hannah (Warlow's wife) was just like the Worst Possible Version of themselves. You know how a farce is a play where characters are usually one-dimensional with their worst trait exaggerated? THAT'S WHAT THIS FELT LIKE. A LITERAL FARCE. It took me two months to get through that book and I want to burn it. It was so, so awful and burned me out.

Recently I started Tell Me Three Things but Julie Buxbaum, and it was sweet! It was easy to read and wasn't anything spectacularly unique, but it was good and wasn't a chore to get through. I laughed at one (1) thing at the end, and even if it was a bit cheesy, I loved the relationships Jessie had with her friends and stepbrother. Those felt really real, even if they were a bit more wholesome than some relationships tend to be. However, this one has the misfortune of being the first YA book I've read since exiting the YA demographic, so the whole time I read it, I was thinking "wow i should've read this book when I got it. It would've been so much better." Not the fault of the book/author of course, and it was still good. Just nothing I'd report home to.

BUT. NOW I'M ON BOOK THREE. I JUST STARTED IT AND I ALREADY LOVE IT. It's called The House in the Cerulean Sea bu TJ Klune and it's got my attention. I used to think I didn't like fantasy, but this one might change my mind. One of the reviews on the book calls it a mashup of 1984 and The Umbrella Academy and even though I only know summaries of those things (I skipped junior/senior english to take college english so there's a lot fo required reading i was actually not required to do. The Great Gatsby? Still have no idea what a Gatsby is (just kidding i know it's the guy)), I AGREE. I'm only 48 pages in out of 398 but WHOO. I love this author's writing style, it reminds me a lot of what I want to embody when I'm not trying to be super serious (keyword trying, not sure if I have ever actually succeeded in either of these lol), I love that the main character is Just Some Guy, i love the way he describes his cat - I'll send a pic in one sec!

The book is so charming and has such personality and such a good premise that I'm so excited to continue reading it for real. Look at that!!! UGH IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE HOW THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL BUT THIS GUY GETS IT! Also I hear....this book may be gay? 👀 love me some representation (if it's there - if any u spoil this for me i will commit a crime) Also this book is classified as "adult young adult" and idk for sure what that is but it is RIGHT up my alley. More of this please.

So I'm still in a writing slump that has lasted...almost 8 years with like. One bout of clarity in the middle lol. I've always had a passion for the books I've read and the idea of books, but reading them had become a chore that I could never get to on my list. I'm hoping this book turns that around though - I want that feeling of just needing to devour a book in one sitting again.

#long post #and i mean LOOOOOOONG #you had me rambling lol!!#reading anon #asked and answered #i am actually loving these asks. it's like a little book club #all of you are so free to tell me about your favorite books and reading experiences at any point in ur lives #i'm only familiar with american classics but tell me about what you consider classics too!!#or literally anything else. your fave series as a kid. your reading slumps. anything

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rosereview · 4 years ago

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Chain of Iron Review

Like my Chain of Gold review (which you can find on my post list or here) this is going to be a hot mess of emotions and feelings with very many spoilers. If you’re wondering if you should read this book (a review without spoilers) my thoughts are go fricking read everything by Cassandra Clare and fall in love with me. Yes, I highly recommend everything that woman has touched with a pen. But besides that, let's get into this review.

Characters

James Herondale- first let's start with one of the main characters who was a big part of this novel. To be honest I don’t have much to say about him personally without getting into his relationships with others and the plot points in the book (which I will talk about later), but I guess I will talk about my love for him. I was unsure at first (before Chain of Gold) how I was going to feel about James and if he would be a typical Herondale boy and be very similar to his father or his descendant, Jace. I was worried that he would be too similar to Will and Jace that he would not stand out, but like in Chain of Gold, I was very happy with his individual character traits and personality. While he is like Will and Jace, James is also very different and his own person. He’s a typical heart throb Herondale, while still having this very reserved and responsible side to him that I love so much. His only flaw is something he can’t control, so yeah… strong character.

Cordelia Carstairs- Like last book, I LOVE Cordelia, although this book was harder to read because of what she went through. Multiple times I wanted to just give her a hug and let her cry on my shoulder. I wish she hadn’t had to go through so much trauma in this book, but I know she’ll become a better character because of it. The whole ordeal with being Lilith’s paladin hurt very much, her unrequited (not really) love for James was heartbreaking to see continuously played on (I JUST WANTED THAT DAMN GRACELET OFF), and the parts about her father also hurt. I need to read Chain of Thorns now, just to make sure that Cordelia is alright in the end.

Matthew Fairchild- talking about Matthew makes me sad because I absolutely love him as a character and I just need him to get better. I’m so happy that he opened up to Cordelia in this book, but I need him to start loving himself again. The pain I feel when reading about him trembling and drinking himself to honestly too much (especially since he’s just a fictional character). And that’s really all I want for Matthew, is for him to be okay one day.

Grace Blackthorn- this was very interesting in Chain of Iron because we got a lot of flashback scenes from Grace’s point of view and that made me not hate her as much anymore. I still am very annoyed at her, but I like that I can finally see more of her side and sympathize with her. I’m very interested to see more of her character development, especially individually without all the stuff with James obscuring my image of her.

Lucie Herondale- someone else that I found I loved much more in this book was Lucie. In the last book, from what I can remember, Lucie was a little interesting at parts (I kind of want to say annoying, although that’s a little too harsh of a word), but I loved her in this book. She had much more character development (I thought) and her personality came out more in a less hectic way. Her inner thoughts started to make more sense to me, and I loved learning more about her as not someone who is just James’s sister, or Cordelia’s future parabatai, but as her own person.

Jesse Blackthorn- Another character I loved to see more of although we mostly just saw him through Lucie’s eyes, and I also already loved him even before. He became a much more understanding and developed character in this book and I can’t wait to see more of him now that he’s alive!

Alastair Carstairs- I totally fell in love with him in this book too! Holy shit, all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him that it would all be alright. Because he is an older sibling I think I can relate to him a lot more now, especially with all this baggage that he was keeping and trying to protect Cordelia from. I found the scenes with just him in them (like when he’s thinking about the future while looking out the window in his house after his father dies and thinking about his new baby sibling that will be born) absolutely amazing and captivating. Obviously I used to hate him because of the short stories that he was in the Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy and other extra short stories, but now I need more of him and I’m internally hurting for him.

Thomas Lightwood- Another character I am hurting for and I just need him to be okay. I loved and hated the fact that he felt so hurt for James because of the killer and he wanted to unburden James by catching the killer. I was just so moved but also so angry that he was putting himself in danger that it was a very emotional time reading (like me clutching the book and shouting at Thomas to stop and go back). But I will always love Thomas and can’t wait to see more of him.

Christopher Lightwood- Last but certainly not least, is Christopher, who I am obsessed with. That one POV moment that we had from him was one of my favourites and now I need to hear from him more. I love all of his quirks and his inner thoughts are the most adorable thing but also makes me sad because he has no one but Henry to share them with and who fully understands and appreciates him for who he is. Also I still really find it wild that he’s the son of Cecily and Gabriel, who aren’t science-y people at all and who are both much more sarcastic characters, while Christopher is just so sweet and perfect. (Not saying Cecily and Gabriel aren’t perfect, but still never would have imagined them to have a kid like Christopher, but at the same time I find it so perfect that they did). Also I just love Christopher so much! I know I said that already, but I just can’t get over it. I need more of his inner thoughts and just more of HIM.

Relationships

Now we can finally talk about the characters in terms of their relationships with other characters and since I was just talking about Christopher I need to start with…

Christopher and Grace! — I loved that little moment they shared when they were in Henry’s laboratory and were bonding of the pithos. It was the best moment in the whole book and I keep thinking about it in my head. I know of the family tree from the Clockwork Princess inside cover, it says that Christopher and Grace will get married and have the Lightwood offspring, but I just hadn’t really realized that significance until now. They are so cute together and even though I have expressly said I hated Grace in the past, the way she understood Christopher and the way they could talk together, warmed my heart so much and was the most redeeming part of Grace’s character for me. I just need more moments of Grace and Christopher.

Now to the next most pressing relationship…

The James, Cordelia, Matthew love triangle!

Let's start with Cordelia and James— I love them together. Even with all the annoying shit with James and the bracelet, their relationship shone in this book and I was so happy about it. They are so perfect for each other and all of their moments together I was bursting with joy. Their chemistry, but also their solid foundation for their relationship is so well written that it’s impossible for me not to see them as together. This is their story and I’m in love with it.

Now Cordelia and Matthew— I also love them, but probably not as much. The thing is, I’m just obsessed with Matthew, so while I love the relationship just because I want Matthew to find happiness, I think James and Cordelia are better together. The problem is with Matthew is that he needs to work on himself first before he could ever hope to fully love someone else and share a life with someone else. I’m very happy for the moment though that Matthew has Cordelia at his side and that he even shared his biggest secret with her because I do think that Cordelia has the capacity to help Matthew (maybe even on this trip to Paris) but I also don’t want it to be too much for Cordelia since she already had to deal with similar issues with her dad and I don’t want it to bring up hard memories for her. But either way I just need the next book to see what happens after that VERY emotional cliffhanger. Cassie did me dirty with that one.

James and Grace— Well I hate the fricking bracelet (also side note, I absolutely love that the fandom nicknamed the bracelet, gracelet. I love that so much). But I also see why Grace felt like she had to put it on and why she couldn’t take it off, but it still makes me so mad. Especially the way she still felt she could manipulate James in the end because she had nowhere else to go. I hate that part of her, the part that her mother taught her that it’s okay to manipulate men. But I was also so happy how James went off on her at the end, it was very satisfying until Cordelia ran off, but still very happy that James got to yell at Grace like that.

Lucie and Jesse— another couple I am now fully invested and in love with. This book made me like Lucie more BECAUSE of her development with Jesse. I liked Jesse before, but this book, where we got to see lots of their development as a couple and be completely honest with each other, sealed the deal for me. I can’t wait to read more about Jesse and Lucie in the future because I am so happy for them and so in love with their love, it’s actually kind of ridiculous.

Alastair and Thomas— again, I just fell completely in love with them in this book. The scenes with them locked up together were some of my favorite scenes, but I was beyond sad when Alastair still broke it off with Thomas in the end. I needed one couple to find some sort of happy at the end of this book, but all of them ended badly! I was very mad, but I can’t wait for the next book to see them get together (because they have to get together).

Anna and Ariadne— I just love Anna so much and I want her to be happy, but in this book I also felt for Ariadne too. At first I didn’t like her because of the fact that she broke Anna’s heart, but now seeing her try so hard to make up with her… it just makes my heart break for the both of them. Also the only parts in this book that had these two in it, were scenes about their relationship, which is why I didn’t have anything to say about their individual personalities, but I would like to add that Anna is definitely one of my favourite Lightwoods and one of the best minor characters in the Shadowhunter universe.

Lucie and Cordelia— for these two I wish that we had more scenes of them as friends, but I think one of the most powerful parts of this book that made it so sad, was the fact that Cordelia and Lucie didn’t talk. The way the two girls were by themselves with their problems definitely was a huge factor of why everything went bad, and I’m very certain that if Lucie and Cordelia had talked more, things would have ended differently. So I see and understand why they weren’t able to be the parabatai pals that I wanted them to be, but I still am waiting desperately for more scenes of the two of them just being friends. Another reason I cannot wait for the last book of the series.

Grace and Jesse— because of all the flashback scenes of Grace, I was able to appreciate her relationship with her brother more. The bond that they have between brother and sister is so strong and beautiful that it’s another thing that redeems Grace as a character, and makes me sympathize a lot more with her.

The Merry Thieves— just want to say that I love them so much. I will always love them and I just need more scenes of the group of them plus Lucie, Anna, and Cordelia. That is all.

Plot

For plot details in this book, I just have a couple things to talk about, the first being: WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE REAL MAGNUS! Honestly, I know where he was, but I felt so betrayed when Lilith revealed herself to be a pretend Magnus. Every Shadowhunter book has Magnus helping to save the day, and my theory is that the reason everything went so shitty was because Magnus wasn’t there. Jem and Magnus are always needed for these Shadowhunter children who just keep getting caught up into shitty situations. He better help more in the next book (which I already know he will, since at the end of Chain of Iron he was there with Will). On that note, I also thought it was clever of Cassie to have Will and Tessa gone for the majority of the book, because I feel like if they had been there, shit wouldn’t have gotten that bad, both concerning Belial and the kids’ love lives. It wouldn’t have been believable if they had been there but all the events happened in the same way, because I’m pretty sure Will or Tessa would have given more advice to James and Lucie.

Secondly, that was some crazy business with Belial and Lilith, and also I’m so excited that Lilith is back. I think she’s such an interesting villain being Adam’s first wife and all. But also I don’t like who she’s a manipulative bitch, but I think that’s part of her charm.

Next, the gracelet. I hate it. Period. Glad it’s off.

Next plot point— all the stuff with Malcolm! Oh my goodness that was so interesting to see how Malcolm’s villain origin story started. I can’t actually believe that it was Grace that told Malcolm straight up about Annabel (I can actually believe it, I just think it ironic that she’s also a Blackthorn, and really only Blackthorns seem to have messed up Malcolm’s life). I’m very interested to see more of what he does with Jesse and Lucie now that Jesse is alive and Malcolm knows more about Lucie’s powers.

Lastly, I wanted to touch on the extra short story from the first editions of Chain of Iron, with Magnus and Jem. I think that it was an important scene concerning the future Eldest Curses novel, The Black Volume of the Dead, and maybe even the Wicked Powers series. It just made me even more excited for the future Shadowhunters books and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us moving forward!

And that’s all I have to talk about. Thank you if you read to the end and were able to sift through my thoughts. This is totally unedited, so sorry for stupid mistakes and such.

Until next time!

~Rose Reviews

#cassandraclare #shadowhunters #chain of iron spoilers #chain of iron #the last hours #james herondale #cordelia carstairs #matthew fairchild #lucie herondale #jesse blackthorn #grace blackthorn #alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #christopher lightwood #anna lightwood #ariadne bridgestock #chain of iron review

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shadowhuntertrash · 4 years ago

Text

High Notes

Chapter Twelve

characters belong to Cassandra Clare

song: i won't let go by rascal flatts

It didn’t take them long to get there. Thomas smiled widely at the sign before turning his excited expression to Alastair and hitting his arm lightly and he shifted restlessly in his seat. “I love the zoo.” He said and it came out a little breathless which made both of them laugh as Alastair bent over Thomas to grab something in the glove compartment.

"I know you do, Lucie told me a while ago.” Alastair answered easily. Thomas couldn’t help but wonder how long ago Lucie told him that and how he remembered. Alastair passed him a hat and sunglasses and Thomas threw him a grateful smile. “Thanks. I honestly hate going out in public sometimes.” He said with a laugh as he put the hat on, which didn’t help conceal much but anything was better than nothing.

He slid the sunglasses on and wiggled his eyebrows at Alastair who laughed and put his own on. Thomas hesitated before getting out of the car cursing his height quietly because if he was being honest it was a dead giveaway.

Thomas didn’t realize he had spoken loud enough for Alastair to hear but after a moment Alastair had his door open and was standing in front of him with a silly grin on his face. “I love your height. It compliments mine, plus you’re the perfect height to hug and I love it.” Thomas laughed and his automatic response was to hug him tightly but he held himself back, the effort left his stomach hurting.

Alastair gave him a knowing smile that was soft around the edges before stepping back so Thomas could get out of the car. Thomas stretched as he got out and reveled in the way Alastair’s eyes immediately went to the strip of skin that was showing. He smirked, glad he wasn’t the only one who did that.

The zoo was relatively busy but Thomas had seen worse. A teenager was working the front desk, maybe three or four years younger than them, a safari hat on her head which contrasted drastically with the unimpressed look on her face.

“Welcome to the zoo,” The girl said, her voice monotone. She looked as if she didn’t want to be there at all. She looked up from her nails and took a double-take when she saw the men standing in front of her, her mouth falling open slightly as she straightened hastily. “I-I, I mean you’re-” She cut off again as if she simply couldn’t imagine they were there.

Alastair laughed and smiled at her charmingly as Thomas did the same. “What’s your name?” Thomas asked kindly, her hazel eyes turned to him, her pupils widening slightly. “M-Maribelle.” She said, her voice quiet and full of a sort of wonder that made Thomas happy and uncomfortable at the same time.

“Well, Maribelle, may we have two tickets? And if you don’t mind, if anyone asks about us just say you didn’t see us.” Alastair said with a wink but Thomas could see the tension in the way his shoulders were set. Thomas wanted to reach out to him but kept his hands at his sides and flashed Maribelle the most convincing smile he could muster under the circumstances.

Maribelle hurriedly pulled out three tickets and all but shoved them into Alastair’s hands. “Can you sign the third ticket?” She said, her voice still sounded dazed and excited. Alastair laughed quietly and nodded as he signed his name passing the small paper to Thomas who shook his head and laughed suddenly self-conscious. After all, she hadn’t asked for his she’d asked for Alastair’s which made sense because everyone liked Alastair and there weren’t many people who liked Thomas.

Alastair gave him an odd look, the beginning of a frown dancing around his lips. He looked like he was about to say something when Maribelle cut in with a dreamy sigh. “Oh please? I would love to have yours too.” Thomas smoothed his face in an attempt to hide his shock and smiled pleasantly.

“Alright.” He said softly before signing his name quickly. He handed the spare ticket back to Maribelle with a smile. “Thank you very much.” He said and Alastair nodded along. Maribelle smiled widely and nodded a little too fast. “Of course, thank you so much for signing this.” She said excitedly as she waved the ticket around before stuffing it in her pocket. Thomas and Alastair laughed and waved as they headed inside.

Thomas had always loved the zoo because there was something about the smell and the atmosphere that brought back memories of going to the zoo with his family. They hadn’t been in quite a long time but Thomas couldn’t help the wave of peacefulness that washed over him when they stepped up to the large map that told them where all the animals were.

“Where are we going first?” Alastair asked his eyes falling on Thomas with an excited smile. Thomas looked over the map and his eyes fell on the giraffes. “Come on, come on, come on.” Thomas mumbled dragging Alastair by the wrist to the giraffes.

Alastair laughed and let himself be dragged. They stopped when they finally got to the large animals. Thomas had his head tilted back as he smiled widely at the animals. He’d always loved giraffes, he didn’t know why but he absolutely adored them. He turned to Alastair and started talking before he could think better of it.

“Did you know giraffes are the tallest mammals on earth? Their legs alone are taller than most people, isn’t that weird? They can move as fast as thirty miles per hour but they make it seem so smooth, it’s insane.” Thomas couldn’t keep the wonder out of his voice. “Have you ever seen giraffes drink water from the ground?” He turned to Alastair with a laugh. “Their necks are too long to reach the ground and so they have to do this awkward leg bend thing to reach the ground.”

Thomas opened his mouth to say more but Alastair was looking at him with a small smile that made him instantly realize he was rambling. He blushed a deep red and looked away. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to rant.” He said determined to keep quiet because this was the first date and Thomas had to go on and rant about giraffes out of everything.

Alastair’s eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head quickly. “No, no you’re totally fine. It was cute, I didn’t realize you knew so much about giraffes.” Thomas blushed again and let out an awkward laugh.

Alastair frowned. “Thomas, I really don’t mind. I like when you ramble, your face lights up and you get this smile that’s so open.” Alastair’s cheeks darkened and Thomas couldn’t hold back the smile that broke through at Alastair’s words. “I like it.” He finished lamely. Thomas laughed quietly and smiled tentatively at him.

They went to the lions next and laughed at the lioness who was trying to hunt the zebras in the exhibit next to her. Kids were squealing all over the place as she attacked the glass the large wall that separated her from the zebra.

Alastair picked a few more spots and they had seen five exhibits by the time Thomas turned around to see a group of about five teenaged girls walking over to them.

Damn.

He put on a rather forced smile and waved. The girl’s whispers turned to squeals and they came up closer to Alastair and Thomas. “Hello.” Alastair said and Thomas had to admit he seemed a lot more sincere in his excitement to meet fans.

Thomas had always felt bad about the fact that he wasn’t as open or excited to see fans. He was forever grateful to all of them because he wouldn’t be who he was now without their love and support but every time he met one he couldn’t help the doubt and anxiety that crept in.

Alastair moved towards the girls and Thomas followed him like a lost puppy, an awkward mix of trying to hide behind Alastair and being cursed with giant genes that didn’t let him hide behind anything.

The girls asked for a quick picture which lead to pulling the attention of a few onlookers who also asked for pictures. Suddenly there were way too many people here.

Thomas could feel his stomach begin to drop and his hands get clammy. His smile was starting to fall and everyone was standing a little too close. Thomas cursed silently and looked over to find Alastair but felt another shock of anxiety spike through him when he realized he wasn’t anywhere in sight. His body was shaking and he couldn’t breathe properly.

No, no, no, no. Not here.

Thomas wasn’t aware of much other than the distinct lack of Alastair. He was spinning around trying to find him but his vision was blurry and there wasn’t much he could do to fight the dimming of his sight.

People were trying to talk to him but their words didn’t make sense. Why were there so many people?

Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder and someone’s face was too close. He stumbled backward, too aware of the awkward way he was walking and everyone’s eyes on him but unable to do anything.

There was another hand on his shoulder and he flinched away from it. Tears were falling down his face and he was mortally embarrassed which only made everything so much worse.

“Hey, Thomas, hey. Listen to my voice, you’re okay. It’s just me. It’s Alastair. You’re okay.” Thomas’s mind didn’t register anything he said other than Alastair.

Alastair, Alastair, Alastair.

“Thomas, I have to touch you for a minute but I’ll stop soon, okay? I promise.” Thomas tensed when a light weight landed on the small of his back. Alastair was taking him somewhere but he was too far gone to care where or what was happening.

After an undetermined amount of time, Thomas was being lowered to the ground and Alastair’s face was in front of him. “Hey, Thomas you have to slow your breathing.” Alastair was talking calmly but Thomas could see the panic in his eyes.

Thomas felt laughter bubble up in his chest and he laughed harshly. He probably sounded insane but he couldn’t stop. His tears were choking the laughter but he couldn’t stop. Alastair looked alarmed and he made a move to reach out to Thomas before remembering himself and pulling his hands back.

A whimper slipped out of Thomas’s mouth as he reached blindly for Alastair who gripped his hands tightly. “Okay, Thomas. We’re gonna breathe, in and out.” Alastair exaggerated his breathing for Thomas and brought Thomas’s hand up to his chest.

Thomas tried to follow his movements but after what felt like hours with nothing getting better he sobbed harder and gripped Alastair’s shirt loosely. “I can’t- I can’t breathe.” Alastair made a distressed noise and pulled Thomas fully into his arms.

Thomas curled into him slightly when the initial shock of someone holding him wore off. Thomas wrapped his arms around Alastair’s waist and rested his forehead against Alastair’s neck. Alastair ran his hands through Thomas’s hair.

“You’re okay, sweetheart.” He said softly, kissing Thomas’s head softly. Thomas made a small sound and relaxed slightly into Alastair who had started singing softly. Thomas couldn’t exactly explain why Alastair calling him ‘sweetheart’ made him feel so calm but it was oddly reassuring.

Alastair starting singing words softly as he continued to run his fingers through Thomas’s hair.

It's like a storm

That cuts a path

It breaks your will

It feels like that

You think you're lost

But you’re not lost on your own

You're not alone

Thomas could feel his breaths evening out and his heart that had been racing was now slowing down to an almost normal speed.

I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you've done all you can do

If you can't cope

I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight

And I won't let go

Thomas almost laughed at how emotional this song was making him. His eyes were burning and this time it wasn’t from lack of oxygen.

It hurts my heart

To see you cry

I know it's dark

This part of life

Oh it finds us all (finds us all)

And we're too small

To stop the rain

Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you've done all you can do

And you can't cope

I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight

And I won't let you fall

Thomas found Alastair’s hand and held it tightly as he buried his face in Alastair’s neck. The after-effects of the panic attack were making him tired and his head felt weird but he just relaxed further into Alastair’s arms when he felt the hold on him tighten.

Don't be afraid to fall

I'm right here to catch you

I won't let you down

It won't get you down

You're gonna make it

Yeah I know you can make it

'Cause I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you've done all you can do

And you can't cope

And I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight

And I won't let go

Oh I'm gonna hold you

And I won't let go

Won't let you go

No, I won't

When Alastair stopped singing it was silent for a few minutes until Alastair’s hands stilled in his hair and he felt Alastair’s head drop to his. “You okay?” He asked quietly. Thomas couldn’t find his voice quite yet so he just nodded.

Thomas was mortified because not only had he just had another panic attack in front of Alastair but he had ruined their first date with it. Their date. The zoo.

The zoo.

He jerked away and looked around wildly trying to decipher where they were and if there were people. He felt a light weight on his chin and let Alastair guide his gaze back to him. “You’re okay, we’re in a bathroom but it’s closed so there’s no one here. It’s just us. You’re okay, love.” Thomas found himself nodding because even when he was panicking he trusted Alastair.

Alastair held his eyes for a few moments before he sighed and pulled Thomas back in for another hug. “You scared me.” He said quietly. Thomas flinched slightly and closed his eyes tightly.

He felt awful for scaring Alastair, he hadn’t meant to. This time it was Thomas who ran his fingers through Alastair’s hair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mea-” He was cut off by Alastair leaning back with a frown.

“God no, that’s not- Don’t apologize. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I just meant that was worse than usual.” Thomas looked away from Alastair, a sick feeling in his gut.

Worse than usual. Than usual.

He felt weak. Like he wasn’t in control when that’s the only thing he wanted. He needed to have control of certain situations but here he was unable to control himself. He hated how this could happen at any minute. How he could be so happy one minute, and the next he felt like he was dying.

He felt shame wash over him. He was weak. He was weak and he didn’t deserve Alastair nor did Alastair deserve to have to put up with his constant anxiety.

Shit, shit, shit.

Thomas was yanked out of his spiral of self-depreciation when he felt warm lips on his. Alastair kissed like he did everything, gracefully and with care. Thomas brought his hand up to cup Alastair’s cheek as he deepened the kiss. He had no doubt that Alastair had kissed him to bring him out of his head and he appreciated it more than he would ever know.

Alastair’s hands were in his hair, pulling lightly as his tongue collided with Thomas’s. It was rougher than their other kisses but Thomas found he didn’t mind it all that much. When they finally pulled back, both panting lightly with their foreheads pressed together Thomas smiled at him.

Alastair smiled back, his hands were still woven into Thomas’s hair. “Be my boyfriend?” Thomas couldn’t help the laugh that escaped but quickly cut it off when a flicker of uncertainty crossed Alastair’s face.

“I would love to but are you sure?” Thomas asked quietly, his eyes falling shut so he didn’t have to look at Alastair who made a confused sound and lifted a hand to Thomas’s face. “I just mean- didn’t I ruin the date? We were only here for thirty minutes and then I had a panic attack and ruined everything. Are you sure you want to go out with me?”

It was silent for a minute and Thomas felt a jolt of fear go through him at the thought of Alastair changing his mind even though he had been the one to point out why he shouldn’t. Thomas couldn’t blame him if he did change his mind.

Eventually, Alastair pulled away and started talking. “Thomas, look at me.” He reluctantly opened his eyes again to see a fierce look on Alastair’s face. “First and foremost, I very much want to be your boyfriend. These panic attacks are a part of you and that’s okay. I’m not going to leave just because you have anxiety, Thomas. It was my fault anyway, I should have picked somewhere with fewer people. I set it off, I’m sorry.”

Thomas stared at him for a long time before shaking his head with a goofy smile. “Alastair Carstairs you sure are one of a kind. That was not your fault, there were just too many people. How would you know that would set me off, cariño?"

“Oh, that slipped out. Just-just ignore that.” Alastair made a tsk sound and shook his head. “Oh, no no. What does it mean?” Thomas blushed and brought his hands up to cover his face. “Kind of- well like the Spanish version of dear?” Thomas said awkwardly. Alastair raised his eyebrow with an amused quirk of his lip. “Is that a question or an answer?” Thomas blushed further but his laugh contradicted his embarrassment.

A smile crept up on Alastair’s face, one Thomas had never seen before. It could only be described as soft. “What did you just call me?” Thomas’s eyebrows came together as he thought, not really remembering. “Umm, Alastair?” He laughed and shook his head before attempting in a terrible Spanish accent, "Cariño?" Thomas blushed and laughed nervously.

Alastair stood up and stretched before reaching a hand down to Thomas. Alastair didn’t let go of his hand when he stood up like Thomas thought, instead he used it to bring Thomas closer to him. Alastair rested his head on his chest and Thomas smiled contently as he brought his hands up to run his fingers through the dark boy's hair.

Alastair pulled away from him with a devious smile. “Boyfriends then?” Thomas rolled his eyes but he was hit with a feeling so big that it almost hurt. It took him a minute to recognize it but when he did he tightened his hold on Alastair, Alastair Carstairs, his boyfriend. He could definitely get used to that.

Thomas used his finger to tip Alastair’s head up. “Boyfriends.” He said quietly.

They were both smiling when their lips met.

tag list: @lifewouldbebetteronmars @littlx-songbxrd (please let me know if you want to be added to the tag list for new chapters <3)

#high notes #high notes: chapter twelve #thomas and alastair #thomas x alastair #alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #fluff #dates

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belle-keys · 4 years ago

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I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

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beclynn-herondale · 4 years ago

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In Another Universe: Chapter 9 - The Greenhouse part 2

(characters, tsc, and tmi belong to Cassandra Clare, it's also similar to the original)

After Hodge had fixed Jayce and Simone up, Jayce went off to shower and mysteriously disappeared. Isidore was sitting in his bedroom throwing knives at a target he had in there, when someone knocked on his door. He got up with a sigh, walked over and opened, there was his big sister, looking angry and upset, she tried her best to hide her emotions but so often they were written plain on her face.

"Can I come in?" she asked. He gestured her inside, it was often she did this, usually when Jayce made her upset, unfortunately Jayce made her upset quite often these days. "What's up?" he asked. "Jayce is nowhere to be found, I think she's avoiding us." "Of course she's avoiding us, we both have been picking arguments with her and you know when she gets into these moods, she doesn't like to argue with anyone, well not really."

"I did something stupid, and if she finds out she'll hate me." "Oh?" "I— I slammed Clar against a wall and may have threatened him." Isidore let out a whistle. "Why?" "He knows about me." "I know." "Wait, you knew that he knew?"

"Yeah, he figured it out but I made him promise not to tell anyone." "Well he did, he told me. I want him to leave, to go away and never come back." "Me too, but we're stuck with him for now," he said. "So do what I do my dear sister and throw knives at your walls while pretending it has the face of your arch enemy." "Why are you like this?" He shrugged

They sat in silence for some time. "Hey, Alec?" "Yeah?" "What do you think will happen with Clar when mom and dad get back?". "I don't know," said Alec. "I suppose if he asks for a place to stay, they would have to let him, since he's a Shadowhunter and it would be technically against the law to turn him away."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. So I guess we're stuck with him." "Yeah," she said bitterly. "Maybe he'll grow on us." "Maybe not." "Well, for now we gotta put up with him," he said. "I am tired, so unless you plan to sleep on my floor, cause I do not intend to share my bed, you should go to your own bed and try to sleep a little." "Yeah," she said half heartedly. "Give Jayce time, let her cool off from everything that happened." "You're probably right." "Of course I am," he said, and winked at her.

——————

Jayce opened the door, she took in the familiar smell of the plants, the smell of earth and the sweet smell of the flowers. She looked behind her and saw a look of awe on Clar's face. "Wow," he said, very slowly. "It's so... So beautiful at night." She grinned at him. "And we have it to ourselves. Alec and Iz don't dare coming here, they have allergies."

"What kind of flowers are these?" asked Clar, pointing at one of the shrubs. She shrugged and sat down. "I don't know. Do you think I pay attention in botany class? I am not going to be an archivist. I do not need to learn these things." she may have been slightly lying about not paying attention in botany class. "You just need to have all the knowledge of killing things?" She smiled at him again. "Exactly right," she said as she pulled a napkin wrapped sandwich out if the paper bag. "I also happen to make a badass cheese sandwich. Here ya go." She handed it to him. He smiled at her and sat down across from her.

Jayce pulled some apples, a chocolate bar that had nuts and fruit in it, and a bottle of water out of the bag as well. "Not bad," said Clar admiringly. She pulled her bone-handled knife out of her pocket, Alec had given it to her forever ago. She picked up one of the apples and started carving them into eighths. "It may not be birthday cake," she said, handing him slice. "But hopefully it is at least better than nothing at all.". "I was expecting nothing, so thank you." he said and took bite of the apple piece.

"Everyone should get something on their birthday," she said as she started peeling another apple. "Birthdays are special. My birthday was the one day of the year my father said I could do or have anything I wanted to." "Anything?" he asked with a laugh, his laugh was different from other's laughs. "What kind of anything are we talking here?"

"Well, when I was five, I asked if I could take a spaghetti bath.". "He said no, right?" "No, that's the thing. He let me, he said it wasn't expensive, if that was what I wanted? He had servants fill a bath with boiling water and spaghetti noodles, and after it cooled down enough. . ." she gave a shrug. "I took a bath in it."

"And how was that?'. "Very slippery.". "I am sure." He looked to be in thought for a moment. "Did you ask for anything else?". "Weapons, pretty much," she answered. "Which probably isn't a surprise. Books. I read many books on my own.'. "You didn't go to school?" They were heading to a topic she did not want to venture down. "No," she said slowly.

"But what about friends—" "I didn't have any," she said. "It didn't matter, it had always just been me and my father. He was all I ever needed.". "None at all?" She met his eyes with a steady look. "When I first met Alec," she said. "I was ten years old, that was the first time I'd ever met another person my age. She was the first friend I ever had."

He looked down now. He looked sad and sorry for her. "Don't feel sorry for me," she said. "He gave me the best training, the best education. He took me to see all kinds of places. London. Saints Petersburg. Egypt. We traveled a lot. I've barely left New York at all since he died.". "You're so lucky," Clar said. "I've never left New York. My mom wouldn't even let me go on field trips. I suppose I know why now, though.". "She was probably afraid you'd freak? And start seeing demons in museums?.". "Are there demons in museums?". "I was just kidding," she said and gave him a shurg. "If there were, I am sure someone would have mentioned it."

"I think she just didn't want me to be too far away from her. She changed after my dad died." Jayce raised her eyebrow at him. "Do you remember your father, at all?". "No. He died before I was born.". "You're lucky," she said, she could hear the loneliness in her own voice. "You don't have to miss him, I mean.". "Does it ever go away?" he asked. "Missing your father, I mean?" She didn't answer him, but no it didn't. "You thinking about your mother?". "No. I was thinking about Luke.". "That's not actually his name though," she said and took a bite of apple. "I have actually thought about him. His behavior just doesn't add—". "He's acting like a coward," said Clar bitterly. "You were there, you heard what he said. He won't go against Valentine. Not even if it's for my mother."

"I don't think that's exactly—" The bells started ringing. "Midnight," said Jayce, she set her knife down and got to her feet, she held her hand out to help him up. "Watch." She could feel Clar beside her, but she didn't look at him. She stared at the medianox flowers. She didn't know why she didn't look at him. She recalled the first she had ever saw the flowers bloom. Hodge had woken her, Alec and Iz up at midnight to watch them bloom. She was in the middle between Alec and Iz. The flowers usually only grew in Idris.

She remembered catching her breath at the surprise and beauty of the flower. Alec and Isidore had not had the same reaction, Alec had never been a night person and had fallen asleep against Isidore's shoulder. and Isidore lost interest after he found out it had no lethal uses. She worried perhaps, Clar would be the same: find them interesting, perhaps pleased. But not be enchanted by them.

She wanted him to feel the way she had about the flowers. But she couldn't say why exactly. Then she heard him say a soft "Oh!" As the flower bloomed, opening up, and shimmering with it's golden pollen. "Do the flowers bloom every night?" "Yes, but only at midnight."

She felt relief wash over her. And looked at him, his eyes shining, his fingers flexing unconsciously, they did this she had started to notice when he wished he had his sketchpad, when he wanted to capture an image. She wished she could see the world as he did: see the world as a canvas to be painted. And at the moments when he looks at her that way, as of he were taking her apart, piece by piece to be separated and painted. Almost an emotionless analysis of her — she caught herself on the verge of blushing. Such a strange feeling, so strange she almost didn't know it. Because, Jayce Wayland did not blush.

"Happy birthday, Clarus Fray," she said. He smiled at her. "I got something for you," she said and fumbled slightly reaching for her pocket, he didn't seem to notice though. She pressed the witchlight into his hand, and she was conscious of his hands, Artist hands, delicate but strong, he had calluses from holding paint brushes for hours, he had slight paint stains on his hands. And she wondered did his pulse speed up as well when they touched.

She supposed not, because he drew away quickly, looking at the runestone curiously. "You know when someone says they want a big rock they don't mean literally a big rock." That surprised a smile out of her. Which was odd in of itself, usually only Alec or Iz could surprise amusement out of her. She knew Clar had been brave since she first met him, going after Isidore into a closet unharmed like that took guts. But that he made her laugh was still a surprise.

"Very funny, my sarcastic friend. It's not a rock, exactly. Every Shadowhunter has a witchlight stone.". "Oh." He looked at it with a new curiousity in his eyes. He closed his hands around. "It will bring you light always, even among the darkest of worlds." That was what her father had told her when he had given her first witchlight runestone to her. What other worlds? She had asked, Her father only laughed though. There are more worlds a breath away this one than there were grains of sand on a beach, he had told her. She sometimes wondered about those other Jayces in those worlds, were they happy? Were they sad? Were they dead or alive? Was she by chance so different in one that she could be a boy? Would his name be Jace? And did they wonder about her? Were their parents alive?

Clar smiled again and made a joke about birthday presents. "thank you, it was nice for you to give me anything," he said. "Much better than a spaghetti bath.". "If you share that personal information with anyone, i may have to kill you." she said darkly. "Ok, well, when I was five, I wanted to go inside the clothes dryer and spin round and round," he said. "The only difference is, she said no.'. No"Probably because getting inside a dryer to spin around is very fatal," she pointed out. "But pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isidore were to make it."

She saw the petals were shedding now. "Then when I was twelve, I wanted to get a tattoo" he said. A strand of hair fell into his eye and like the afternoon he had fallen asleep she wanted to push it away but fought the urge. "Well, usually most Shadowhunters get their first marks at twelve. Maybe it was just in your nature.". "Maybe. But I don't think many Shadowhunters want to get a tattoo of Dontello from teenage mutant ninja turtles on their left shoulder." He had that fond look on his face that he had when talking about something she couldn't quite understand but interested her. It sent a spark through her veins. A kind of fear, but what fear? That he would one day go back to the mundane world and leave her behind in her world of hunters and demons, battles and scars, and do it gratefully?

"You wanted to get a turtle on your shoulder?" He gave her a nod. "I wanted to cover this scar on my shoulder that I got from chicken pox." He pulled his shirt up to show her, there was a scar, it reminded her of something but she wasn't sure what. But she saw more than the scar, she saw the freckles that he had on his back, his shoulder blades. She took the moment to see his eyelashes that were a coppery color, his red curls like fire, the curve of his lips. Some kind of desire swept over her, one she had never felt before, she had desired people in a certain way before, but never in this way. Not in a way that cut through her like fire, and left an almost nervous tremble in her hands.

She looked away and shook her head slightly. "We should probably go back down stairs." He gave her a curious look, his green eyes on her like he could see through her. "Have you and Isidore ever dated?" Her heart still beating too fast. "Isidore?" she echoed. She thought, what does Isidore have to do with this? Why mention him? "Simone was curious," he said, and she disliked the way her name sounded as he spoke it. She had never felt this way before: never anything that could unnerve her like Clar did. She remembered that day back at the coffee shop when she wanted to lead him away into her world, away from the dark haired friend of his, lead him away into her world of shadows. She had a feeling even then he belonged where she did, not with mundanes who did not know the full truth of the world.

This boy right her and his green eyes that pinned her to the wall like a butterfly, was real, so very real. He pierced the distance she had put up so carefully to keep others away. "No, the answer is no. Maybe a time the thought crossed our minds but we're like siblings so it would be weird." "So you and him have never—" "Never," she said. "He hates me, you know." "No, he doesn't," she said, wanting to laugh like a sibling would, knowing their other sibling so well that you knew when they were frustrated. "You just make him nervous, he's always been the only boy in the crowd of our group, getting the attention and now he isn't." It was true, Isidore being the only son the Lightwoods had, was always adored and he got used to it.

"But why? He's so beautiful, and talented, what would I make him nervous about?" "You are too," she said automatically, it surprised herself. His face changed, but she couldn't read it. She had told people they were beautiful before but it was always calculated. This was not, this time she wanted to go to the training room and throw knife after knife at targets, wanted to kick and punch until she was exhausted and bloody. This boy making her this way.

He looked at her not saying anything. Ah, the training room it is. "We should go down stairs," she said again. "Okay." She couldn't read his voice either, she was usually good at reading people but her ability to do so has apparently deserted her and she doesn't know why.

They started to make their way out when she saw something flash a light and Clar backed up bumping into her slightly, he turned around to her and the next thing she knew she was throwing her arms around him to pull him down and kiss him, she was kissing him. She was shocked by herself, she didn't work this way, she always had control over her body. It was an instrument, like the piano. It didn't move without her permission, never. Here she was though, running her hands through his hair and kissing him hard, she ran her hands along his arms. He wrapped his arms around around her and leaned down a little, he ran a hand through her hair, then ran his hand down her back, he smelled like citrus, she tasted the apple on his lips, somewhere for a moment she lost herself. Understanding now why kisses were described the way they were in the books. She was slightly unsteady and she clung to him, he held her weight. She remembered the first time she saw the midnight flower, and thought it was something beautiful that belonged in the world.

She heard a rush of wind, and drew back from Clar, to see Hugo watching them. She still had her arms around him and they were still leaning on each other. His eyes were half closed still. "Don't freak, but I think someone is watching us," she whispered to him. "If Hugo is here that means Hodge is not far behind him. We need to go" He opened his eyes all the way, and looked amused. Shouldn't he be more flustered after that kiss? But he was just grinning. He wanted to know if Hodge had been spying on them and she assured him no, but she felt his laughter through their joined hands and didn't remember how that had happened.

They made their way downstairs. And as they did, hands still interlocked, she understood why people held hands, she had always thought it was something like saying this is mine. But it wasn't like that at all. It was speaking without using words and saying I want here with me and don't go. Suddenly she wanted him in her bedroom, not in that way — nobody she had ever been with had been in her bedroom. It was her safe space, it was special to her, her sanctuary. But she wanted Clar there. She wanted him to see her for who she really was, not the image she put on for the world. She wanted to lay in bed with him and just be snuggled up together. Wanted to watch him sleep and breathe softly. She wanted to see him and have him see her. So even when they got to his bedroom door, and he thanked her for the night again, she hadn't let go of his hand.

"Are you going to bed?" she asked. He looked down at her. "Aren't you tired?" She felt different now. "I have never been more awake." She stepped up on her tiptoes, pulling him down a bit to give a light brush of lips.

Then at that moment Simone flung the door open and came out into the hallway. Clar pulled away from Jayce hastily, and turned his head to the side looking at Simone. She felt a sharp pain, like ripping a bandage off. Simone was saying a bunch of angry words. And Jayce thought back to all the times that she'd been kissing someone in a club against the wall or in a alley behind a bar. And their significant other or the person who thought there was a chance staring at them like someone had ripped their heart out. Jayce had always felt sorry for them, but in a distant way, like in the plays when they were acting out a heartbreak scene.

But now as she looked at Simone she realized she would never have to wonder what it felt like again. Because the look of regret on Clar's face as he looked to Simone, made her realize Simone wasn't the one going to get her heart broken and shattered to pieces. It was Jayce.

Oh, Jayce what have you done now, she thought.

——————

Clar stared at Simone with regret, he knew what was going to happen, something else was going to blow up, and so much had blown up today. He was going to hurt and piss off more people and he had already done that in these last 24 hours as well, he wished he could disappear.

"What the fuck!" said Simone. "Simone! I— I mean I thought that you were—" "Sleeping?" she flushed with anger. "I was asleep, but then I woke up and you weren't there."

He didn't know what to say, he should have known something along the lines of this would happen. He wondered why he hadn't asked to go to Jayce's room, and the thought of that made him blush and want to kick himself more. But the worst part is that he hadn't thought of it because he had forgotten about Simone.

"I am sorry," he said, though not sure who he was apologizing to or for what.

He looked at Jayce from the corner of his eye and thought she looked angry for a moment but he looked again and she looked as she always did: composed, confident, easy, a little bored.

"In the future, Clarus," she said. "It may be a wise decision, to mention you already have someone in your bed, we could avoid situations such as this one.". "You asked her to bed?" asked Simone looking shocked. "Simply ridiculous, right?" said Jayce. "There's no way we could all have fit.". "I didn't ask her to bed," he snapped. "It was just kissing." "Just kissing?" said Jayce mockingly. "How quickly you dismiss our love.". "Jayce. . ."

He saw the malice in her eyes as she trailed off. "I'm sorry we woke you." "Me too," she said and went back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Jayce had a bland smile on her face. "Go after her and tell her how she's your special girl. Isn't that what you always do?". "Would you stop that," he said. "Stop being like this." She widened her smile. "Like what exactly?". "If you're upset, just say it. Don't act like nothing touches you. You seem like you never feel anything at all.". "Maybe," she said. "You should have thought of that before you kissed me." He couldn't believe she just said that. "I kissed you?" She looked at him with malice. "It wasn't that great for me either, don't worry," she said.

She walked off and Clar wanted to run after her, mostly to shake her and ask why she is like this. But he knew that would fill her with satisfaction, so he didn't, instead he went back into his room.

Simone was in the middle of his room, she looked to be lost. He heard Jayce's words replay nastily in his head. He stepped forward but stopped when. He saw what she was holding. His sketchpad, she had it opened to the drawing he had done of Jayce early.

"Nice drawing," she said. "All those art classes are paying off, I see." Usually Clar would be going off on someone who was looking at his sketchpad without his permission but it wasn't the time right now. "Look, Simone—" "I know how pathetic I look going off to sulk in your room," she interrupted as she threw the sketchpad on his bed. "But i needed to get my stuff."

"Are you going?" he asked "Yes. I've overstayed here. and besides, mundanes really don't belong here, anyway." He let out a frustrated sigh. "I wasn't planning on kissing her, ok? It just happened. I know how much you don't like her.". "That's where you're wrong," she said. "I don't like flat soda. I don't like traffic. I don't like terrible boy band pop. I don't like math. I hate Jayce. There's a difference, see?". "She saved your life, you know," he said but felt terrible for it, because she did it so she wouldn't get in trouble with the clave if either of them got killed.

"Slight details," she said dismissing it. "She's an ass, like those girls in highschool we always avoided, because they thought they were so much better than everyone else. I just thought you were better than actually hooking up with one of them."

Something about that made his temper rise. "Oh, yeah. You're sure on a high horse," he snapped at her. "Talking about going to ask the guy with the best abs to the fall fling." He mocked Erica's tone. Simone's mouth thinned. "So what if she's a jerk at times? It's not like you're my mother or sister, you don't need to like her. I've never liked anyone you dated, but at least I was nice enough to keep it to myself."

"This is different," she said. "How, Simone? How is this in any way different?". "Because I see how you look at her!" she yelled. "I never looked at anyone I dated like that! It was something to do while I waited—'. "For what? Waited for what exactly?" They had never fought like this, all their fights were always about who hate the last cookie or which anime character was better. But he didn't stop, and wanted to again kick himself. "For when Isidore came along? You're lecturing me on Jayce when you have been mooning over him like a foo!' he realized he yelled it.

"I was trying to make you jealous!" she yelled back. "Sometimes you are so stupid, Clar. you can't even see what's in front of you." He just stared, what did she mean by that? "Make me jealous? But why?" He saw the look on her face and realized that was the last thing he should have asked. Bitterly she said. "Because, I've been in love you for the last ten years. I thought maybe I should see if you felt the same. But I have my answer now."

She might as well have punched him. He searched for a response but couldn't find one. "Don't even try. There are no words for you to say," she said sharply. He watched her walk away not being able to move, as if he were paralyzed. What was he supposed to say "I love you, as well"? But he didn't. right? She paused at the door for a moment to say. "You want to know what else my mom said about you?" He shook his head, but either she didn't see it or ignored it. "She said you were going to break my heart."

She left, the door shut behind her, and Clar was alone with everything that had happened in such a short amount of time.

Everyone hates him, he thought. He wanted Joan to be here so bad, at least she wouldn't hate him.

Tag list: @khaleesiofalicante @chibi-tsukiko @spotsandclawsthings @megs-readstoomuch @replayfootsteps @magnus-the-maqnificent @jazzkaurtheglorious @simply-ellas-stuff @bookfast-at-tiffanys @my-archerboy

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iliveiloveiwrite · 4 years ago

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What are some good book recommendations? I’ll be honest, I’ve never considered myself very much of a reader because I’ve never really found a genre that I’ve fallen in love with. But your taste in books is rather beautiful and makes me want to give it another chance

omg no-one has ever called my taste in books beautiful before, thank you 🥺 This is going to be an extensive list, I apologise in advance! I’ve provided a brief description of each book/series so you can go through and decide whether it would best suit you. The last thing I want to do is inadvertently trigger anyone.

Fantasy/Paranormal Romance

Wicked by Jennifer L. Armentrout - A series of three books following the life of Ivy Morgan. Good fae, evil fae, secret orders and a love interest with dark hair and green eyes. 18+.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas - A series comprising of seven books and one book of novellas. This series follows the assassin Celeana Sardothien as she enters into a competition to become the King’s Champion. This series is violent, and has some distressing scenes as well as scenes of 17+.

Crave by Tracy Wolff - I like to think of this as Twilight if it took place in a boarding school in the middle of Alaska. For those that read Twilight in high school, or have recently read it, this book is a hit of nostalgia you didn't know you needed. It is so entertaining and the love interests are *chefs kiss*.

A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair - A series comprising of three books so far. A modern retelling of the famous Hades and Persephone myth. I adore this series. I seriously cannot tell you how much I love this series. The world building to the character development to my love of Hades by the end of it. It’s such a great read, I even waxed lyrical about it in one of my Fred Weasley fics. 18+ (scenes of mature nature).

A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness - Like history? Like vampires, witches and demons? This series is for you. A trilogy following the love shared by Diana Bishop, a historian and witch, and Matthew Clairmont, scientist and vampire. This series is for mature readers - it doesn't hold back on violence as well as sex. However, if you choose to read, I promise you, you will enjoy. It is also a series on Sky with a second series being aired in January (in the UK anyway). 18+

Stalking Jack the Ripper by Kerri Maniscalco - A series of four books following the lives of Audrey-Rose Wadsworth and Thomas Cresswell. Set in Victorian London, the first book follows the Jack the Ripper investigation ending on a cliffhanger not even I saw coming. This does get maturer as you continue the series and there are some gruesome scenes throughout. 16+

From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout - What can I say about this series that I haven’t already cried about? I bought the first book in lockdown and devoured it. I bought the second book about a week after it was published and it has not left my mind since. World building? Astonishing. Character development? Stunning. Handsome love interest? You best believe it. This isn't YA Fantasy; this is NA and it is mature. There are scenes throughout both books that are violent as well as mature. 18+.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer - The origin story of the Queen of Hearts and with no better way to put it... it’s heartbreaking. This book had my heart soaring only for it to be crushed in the best way possible. An incredible read. There are some violent scenes but it’s YA so it’s at a minimum. 15/16+.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Earnshaw - I read this book in one day. I could not put it down, I loved it so much. This books follows three sisters set on a quest for revenge - and how love may be the only thing powerful enough to stop them. 16+.

Historical Fiction

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Patroclus, an awkward young prince has been exiled to the kingdom of Pthia where he meets Achilles. Follow them through their coming of age tale through the Battle of Troy. So I adore this book, I love this book. I could talk about it all day long. It’s fantastic - go read it. LGBT+, 17+.

Lovely War by Julia Berry - A multi-layered romance set in the perilous days of World War One and Two, where Gods hold the fates - and hearts - of mortals in their hands. Oh... my... word... this book left me speechless. It left me speechless. I couldn’t not finish in the day that it arrived on my doorstep; it’s prose is poetic, it’s romance is dreamy and I just found myself tearing up at the words on the page. 17+

The Disappearances by Emily Bain Murphy - Every seven years something goes missing from the town of Sterling: people’s reflections, the stars in the sky, the ability to dream. Aila realises her mother may have something to do with such a curse. Again, I read this in a day. I couldn’t put it down. It’s set through WW2 and I just think the plot is genius. 15+.

Prose that makes me want to cry

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern - I read this for the first time back in 2014 and have read it so often since that I have had to buy a second copy so I don’t ruin the pages of my first. I LOVE THIS BOOK. It follows the creation of a circus that only opens from night until dawn and how this circus weaves itself into the lives of its workers/owners. An absolute masterpiece. 16+.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab - This book has been one of my most anticipated releases of 2020, and it has not disappointed. When Addie LaRue makes a pact with the devil, she trades her soul for immortality and the curse of no-one remembering who she ever was. Until one day, somebody does. Every part of this book, I savoured, I made myself read it slowly for the fact that I didn't want to miss a thing. Utterly breathtaking. 18+.

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson - Anything by Jackson deserves to be on this list. It drags you in and keeps you there. Why do you think they made a Netflix series of her work? 16+.

The Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter - This is a collection of short stories that are dark retellings of classic fairytales. It is so utterly fantastic. 18+.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid - Definitely in my top 10 reads of 2020. A former Hollywood starlette tells her life story to a reporter; every seedy detail of her life including that of her seven husbands. I was hooked from the first page. 18+.

18+ (This section can be ignored if this genre of books is not your thing).

A Lesson in Thorns by Sierra Simone - When librarian Poe Markham takes the job at Thornchapel, she has only two aims. One - to stay away from Thornchapel’s owner, Auden Guest. And Two, to find out what happened to her mother twelve years ago. This is a series comprising of three books so far with the fourth published at the end of this week. This series covers a lot of dark themes as well as mature content.

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas - I have only involved this series here for the fact that it does have a lot of smut involved. Not as much as other books, but a lot more than your typical YA. However, these books are gold and so far this year, I’ve read the whole series about six times. I love them, go read them.

A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair - I mentioned this series earlier but it does have a lot of smut.

Pestilence by Laura Thalassa - The first in the Four Horsemen series. This has a lot of violence and a lot of smut. However, the overall plot is so interesting as well as badass female characters that bring so much energy to the plot.

The Bargainer series by Laura Thalassa - If you’ve read ACOTAR, then this series is the perfect hangover cure. A love interest to swoon for and a plot to only keep you interested.

Authors I buy every book of

Cassandra Clare

Sarah J. Maas

Jennifer L. Armentrout

Scarlett St. Clair

Deborah Harkness

Kerri Maniscalco

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