#also carpal tunnel is fun and i love having it ! especially as someone who wants to do art full time

[corpsecowboy]

what kind of evil world do i live in where i at 19 years old have the same levels of joint pain that my 40 year old father has

[shytastemakerthing]

I saw that requests are open and read through the requests rules post, so I hope this is okay!

Could I ask for Pomefiore + Lillia (or any characters you think would be best) with a reader that has cubital tunnel? To put it simply, cubital tunnel is a nerve condition where a nerve running through one's elbow is inflamed or irritated. The condition acts up when writing, typing, or really anything where you bend your elbows. You can usually tell it's about to when the area from your elbiw down starts to tingle. Flares usually present as a shooting pain running from your elbow to hand, numbness from elbow to hand, or both. When it's agitated for a prolonged period of time (like typing an essay or something) it can lead to the inability to properly move your fingers. Thet get stuck in a claw like position and moving them is like operating a jerky pulley system. (This is just personal experience, so it may be different for others)

Sorry this is so long! I just throught I'd try and save you the long confusing research. I've been seeing more fafics/hc/etc. with disabled readers but mostly just the more severe conditions. I think any representation is great, I just wish there was more for the less severe and lesser acknowledged ones.

Please feel free to just delete this if you don't want to do it! Hope you're doing well <3

Hello and thank you for this request! I happen to have a friend who has cubital tunnel, and as someone who has carpal tunnel (recent diagnosis as we finally found out what was going on, on top of a cyst having formed within the same wrist XD), it is well known that it is not at all fun.

Tw: None

Prompt: Pomefioren trio + Lilia with s/o who has cubital tunnel

Vil is someone who knows all about taking care of yourself, especially when you have physical limitations that actively cause you pain daily that limits what you can and cannot do throughout your day

He knew of this condition of yours long before the two of you got together, he does notice things, after all (he also has Rook)

As he grew more interested in you, he took much more notice in just when this pain flares up, especially through such simple tasks that most wouldn't struggle with

And once together? The man is a God sent.

The second that he notices that wince coming to your face, knowing that the pain is flaring once again, he is at your side (he knows better than to touch the area in pain knowing that it could be made worse through such actions)

You are taken to his room (away from the prying eyes of others), and would begin to help you to relax as much as possible. Ice packs, heating pads, gentle massages, maybe even a numbing potion here and there to help the pain (as much as he would love to always have you take the numbing potion, as he hates to see you in such pain), he does not want you to grow too dependent on them)

Whatever it is that you need, he is there. If you happen to be in class when this happens and he is there with you? He will casually help you with the writing. Now, he isn't giving you all the answers either, you still do that part on your own, but as it is less stressful for the afflicted limb, you have no complaints

All that matters, is that he is the hero in your eyes

Also knew of the affliction before he ever actually met you..... it's Rook, of course he already knew

Even if he believes that there is beauty in pain, there is no beauty in seeing the one you have grown rather fond of being in such a state, that renders even the most simplest tasks as nearly impossible

Once together, if it had been possible, he was with you or at least watching you every step of your day. He merely wishes to know what makes the pain worse and what may seem to help

At one point, a rare time where he wasn't able to keep an eye on you, Rook even used his own UM to be able to locate you (as you somehow, even he doesn't know how, manage to know how to stay hidden from the hunter), and it was safe to say no one had seen him move so fast

When he found you, safe within the confines of his room (how did he not think to check there? It had become a favored place for you to visit), your face was dried with tears, giving small hiccups in your sleep as he saw how your afflicted limb was tenderly wrapped within a heating pad

The pain must have been rather bad today if you came here to avoid being anywhere else as well as being away from everyone (honestly, who would ever willingly come to his room??)

Not wanting to disturb your slumber, Rook merely slid off his jacket, removed his hat, and would reside on the floor next to you

He would be here the moment that you woke up and needed him

Honestly had no idea as to what this condition was. Working on orchards for as long as he could remember, Epel had seen all types of pain and injuries. It came with the work, but this was certainly new to him

As to better help you, this man certainly did his research. He wanted to show that he could protect and care for you, after all

Learning that pretty much anything so simple can become virtually impossible without severe pain certainly made his chest tighten. Something so simple as writing or just brushing your teeth could cause the pain to flare

Also learned to not touch anywhere that the pain is currently residing as that could easily make it so much worse

The last thing he wants to do is cause you more pain

Once the two of you are together, he carried a backpack with him, aside from his school supplies being in it, it also holds anti-inflammatory medication, a brace, and anything else that could help

While some may mock or ridicule him, he sees it as him being a great partner for the one he loves

Vil praised him for this and it honestly felt really nice to hear. While Epel wasn't looking for such praise, it was nice to be recognized, especially when he was taking care of you

If there is anything that you need, anything at all that could help when the pain begins to flare once again, or even something simple, just let him know and he will get it for you

With how long that this fae has been around, it would honestly be a surprise if he had yet to hear of a condition such as this. Chances are, he has encountered many people in his time who suffer from this affliction

And now that he knows that you also suffer from such affliction, knowing just how hard it makes things, how much pain that it puts you in everyday?

If you thought he was doting then, this is a whole new level

As much as he really is wanting to help, it does seem a bit much (never eat anything he brings to you, just in case)

If it gets to be too much, just let him know what you really do need, and he will listen

When you show up in the middle of the night, eyes red from tears, Lilia automatically knows what is going on and ushers you gently into his room

He quickly leaves a message on his game, turns everything off, and climbs into bed next to you

Holding you carefully in his arms, he summons whatever magic he can to help numb wherever the pain is located

When you finally fall asleep, the pain now decreases to more of a dull throb, all he wishes, when he looks at those stars, is that this pain be taken away from you. It absolutely shatters his heart.

It takes him another good hour before he finally falls asleep next to you, after gently placing a kiss to the top of your head

Thank you for your request!! Have a wonderful day/night!

[thekitschdiet]

the kitsch diet part II

part one alr posted!! this chunk is about 3,000~ words long... let me know what u think :-) thank u all for all the luv already!!! looks like I really will hit 31 followers by easter!!!!!!!!

  Who is the Kitsch Girl? 

 I think this is more loosely defined, but The Chic Diet did a truly admirable way of reducing a girl to her YSL bag and her really skinny legs. Now, that implies an archetype, or a population in a specific location. I think kitschness is kind of the niche you fill when you’re not really much of anything else, sort of your own conglomerate of mainstream-specific. One major requirement, though, is being a little too into something somewhat uncool. And the whole illusion falls apart if you have any sort of outward insecurity. See, the Kitsch Girl is somewhat undefinable because she is so much of everything. She exists in multitudes, in a way that is also quite simple to understand; think of a list of axioms, or principles to live by. And now add a section to each one that says “but…” to make a collection of verified exceptions. Say, the kitsch girl will never wear jeans. But she thrifted this pair of vintage flares she just loves. She doesn’t reply to texts efficiently, but sometimes she will within a couple seconds. No mascara, no dinner forks, candles are to be collected not burned; but that was a gift, or something. It’s not personal, of course, those are just the contradictions she exists in. Don’t try to understand it, the enigma is essential to the facade. Or maybe she just lives like this, and her character is so homogenous with her inner world there’s no sense in trying to separate it. You have to have a little bit of an individuality complex about the whole ordeal, which is normally so eugh, but if you’re kitschy enough it works on you. Trust!The Kitsch girl is not someone unlikeable, but amiable and well heeled. I double checked that last one, assuming it meant liked by most, but apparently means affluent. I suppose that is an aspect of the kitsch girl too, having seemingly endless frivolous expenses with no real strain, but that’s not important right now. People that don’t like her think so out of jealousy, or something. Envious that her clothes are all kind of shake-it-up-esque and her highlights desperately need touching up, but she still seems so enthralled with the whole of life… How does she enjoy her own company so much when other people want to know her better? Doesn’t she feel weird about blowing people off to make a joke about reading Kafka in the bath? Why would she document her cluttered, unexciting life on Instagram so delicately, so vibrantly? Of course, no one would say this to her face because they are really baseless claims. She’s nice, generous, and valuable to have as a friend. Trade-offs exist, as they do with anyone. But I like thinking it’s easier to overlook a forgotten birthday when your kitschy best friend gave you a multi strand pearl necklace to celebrate the welcome breeze of June. Or some other made-up holiday. She is so unassuming if you’re not really looking. Girls want in on her inner circle. Or they just don’t care. Nothing wrong with being liked or thought of naught, for the most part. Boys are either enthralled or repulsed by her. Her doctor knows her as something of a hypochondriac, but only minorly. It’s just carpal tunnel, don’t worry… The sales staff at CVS turn a blind eye when she slips an eyeliner pencil into her tote bag. She shoplifts on occasion, just to see if she still knows how. But she is not a shoplifter. $9 here and $6.45 there doesn’t really add up to much. Everywhere she goes, she makes a tertiary friend or two. The term of friend is loosely used here, of course. But it is nice to tell a stranger you like her earrings. Or her phone case is so fun, is it Wildflower? The kitsch girl has an eye for this kind of detail. Simply put, she is sort of unspectacular. But in a way that makes you sort of wish you knew her better.

Phone cases

The phone case is, like, religious for the kitsch girl. Sorry, but there’s just no other accessory as flippant and expensive and single-purpose as a trendy little iPhone case with some semitacky stickers plastered over the design. I used to have an iPhone XS- extrasmall-  with like, 18 phone cases. It was kind of a sordid affair. I jest, but really… owning that many phone cases was kind of sick. We get it, you are frivolous and spontaneous and sooo stylish! Stop posting mirror selfies on your Instagram story, your crush isn’t going to see it. Kidding again. Having an extensive collection of phone cases is just so fun because while attainable, most people just simply do not partake in it. That makes you kitschy and unique. I really thought I had more to say about the IDEA of the phone case, but I guess in practice it is all very, very simple. You can slide your driver’s license in the back of a clear case. At what point does it stop being cool to have legal operational control of a vehicle? I don’t display mine because I don’t really like the photo. I look round. In the eyes but also just in general, swollen, unglamorous. Whatever. Not like I drive a Nissan or anything. I drive my *Mom’s* Nissan. Playing Bladee in the car seems sacrilegious. She would hate it.Back to phone cases. Sonix ones are cute but kind of overpriced retail- unless you have like, an iPhone 12 Pro Max or whatever the fuck is new this year, just go to Winner’s. They always have Xs and 11 cases. I had a cherry one for my previous phone, like the exact one Lana Del Rey had? Thank god I sold it before she got outed as a copfucker or whatever. Casetify is for an inadvertent flex. Flexing your lame, lame taste. Sorry, I know you bought it because you liked it, but what you failed to consider is just how un-Kitsch they are. SO common, and they advertise on Instagram. Sorry, I just can’t get into it! Kind of how I just never liked the Brandy Amara tanks. Or lowtop converse. Otterbox is just distressing. Like, if my boyfriend gave me an otterbox phone case I would probably break up with him because somebody clearly isn’t paying attention- one of my favorite, potentially overused joke is how Otterbox cases are the equivalent of orthopedic insoles. Sorry but if you have poor arch support or whatever, but no pain is worth giving up a good pair of Margiela slingback tabi heels. Obviously I couldn’t afford that right now because all loose income goes directly to Wildflower and my cig boy. But like, one day. I hope you want to punch me in the face a little bit after reading that.  If Wildflower isn’t your thing, at least have the decency to get a beaded phone strap. But not from String Ting. Pray tell you aren’t keeping score, but they are one of my several parasocial enemies. That should have been ME collaborating with Wildflower! Should have been ME mailing shit to Caroline Calloway (more on her later, but she is the only blue check I follow. I adore her! I was on her patreon for a bit I thinkl!!) …. Side note. Phone cases are cute but there is no way to properly protect your laptop without looking just absurd or colossally lame. The foam sleeves… ick.

Having the shittiest music taste ever

So like, here’s the thing. I’m an Apple Music user, which sort of reinstates my status as an unironic My Bloody Valentine Hyperpop Death Grips kinda gal. Read; volcel. My most recent conquest ended up being a huge L on my part, but also… I totally dodged a bullet. The guy had an iPhone 11 (female trait) and didn’t know who Rei Brown was, which just seemed suspicious given his Niche. I just know he had a “making out playlist” comprising entirely of like, Joji. Which isn’t a bad thing I guess but so unembarrassing it horseshoes back to being humiliating.Like I said. Having the worst music taste. It’s nice how subjective and deeply personal your music taste can be; no one really Needs to know you’re a die hard drainer. But there’s also no point in being a die-hard drainer and Not capitalizing off it somehow. I added it up and I have well over 150 hours of just Bladee and Yung Lean. Which is so yass? The more I write, using myself as a case study, I realize just how desperately jobless I am. And Yogenfruz isn’t even hiring! UGH!I think there is something very kitschy about liking hyperpop in the least ironic, least obnoxious way. Sort of feeds into a “I’m not like other girls” thing, but I mean… That’s kind of the idea of kitsch, isn’t it? Be a little different but also the very same as your lipgloss brethren?!Side note. If you make monthly playlists I am genuinely kind of afraid of you. That is just so organized!! I just make playlists with esoteric titles and then make a new one when I’m sick of the stuff on the last. I have exhausted most genres but I think my favorite is the “I’m wearing f****ng air forces and my teeth are SO white”. Guess what genre it is. Or don’t, but it’s probably what you think is. Okay, moving on….

Curating a scent

I like thinking I smell like mango and peach, Glossier you, whatever citrus is in that Lush shower jelly and mint 5Gum. But of course it is probably less distinct and just kind of generally fruit-floral-mint. Anyway. I think Glossier You is the perfect scent for anyone with a rather elementary understanding of the whole.. Perfume business. Every bottle of intentional fragrance I own was made via aesthetic choices… it really helps that Glossier You is so cute And so universal. Now, Glossier is kind of interesting to me because it really is at the intersection of cheugy and kitsch. Kind of basic, overplayed, unspectacular. But also…. Often popular things are popular because they are good. Glossier has excellent customer suurv, they ship SO fast (and no import duties! W!) and their stuff is just so sweet and nice if not unoriginal, in kind of the same way strawberry ice cream is. Which is still my favorite, of course, especially if there’s a vegan option. I was talking about Glossier. What the hell! It’s really worth trying out. A huge principle of kitsch is just… having as many possible layers and appendages to your composure as possible. And adding a signature scent just really completes that! When curating your own, I say this as a complete amateur, know-nothing; make it something that comes kind of naturally to Your Character. Like, I’m just not a Chanel No 5 kind of girl. Odds are you aren’t either. My bottle (before she asked for it back when I told her I didn’t use it, in exchange for a Nordstrom’s gift card) was from my grandmother. Ummm.. Yeah, I really have no expertise in curating a scent. But it is nice to have a signature. And having a bottle displayed on your dresser next to your aughties McDonald milkshake themed beanie baby and a handful of lip products is just way too fun! This is the kind of girl I am, everyone! Cluttered, but prioritizing pretty-delicate things!

Cheugyism

Cheugy is a relatively new word that has unfortunately wormed into my vocabulary to replace “uncouth”. Which I use to mean graceless or tacky, but if that isn’t what it means…. Don’t tell me. That would hurt more than weighing myself after a “feast” slash pastry binge at my dear Grandmothe’s house. Like I was saying. Cheugy. It’s sort of a fucked up concept to me because it is a critique on consumption, but not the pace or volume or magnitude of it. But rather… the idea of not being “good” enough at engaging in microtrends, or involvement in the fast paced fashion cycle. Don’t get me started on TikTok, or do, but… yeah,. No. That will require a cigarette because I’m so sorry, but writing a thinkpiece on social media is so lowbrow I would need to find about six ways to aesthetically counteract it…. Moving on.  I think the idea of cheugy is good, we really do need a word to simply and efficiently define “out of date/uninspired/lame”. But the way it is used to shame others for not liking the same trends or whatever is kind of gross. If you use cheugyism to put other people down and not as a neutral identifier umm… you will become what you fear. Sorry, that’s what happens. Some things that I think are cheugy or embarrassing, or just not part of my stylistic lexicon are… 1. Hooded or zip up clothing, or things with a large graphic on the back. Bingo if it's all three! I just can’t get behind it. Side note, my summer home outfit is brandy sweats and a tube top (Urban Outfitters tank I ripped the straps off) and a large cardigan that should have belonged to a stoner, but probably didn’t. I can dunk on bulky, uninspired clothes because I would honest to God NEVER be caught DEAD out of the house wearing any of it. I’m so serious. Next segment should be about the kitsch girl’s inadvertent affinity for diuretics. Remind me….. One of the ports of my laptop is dead. Not really sure what to do about that.

Eye makeup and what it means to me….

Personally, I am one of those people who never wears foundation and kind of has a complex about it. The kitsch girl wears fluffy eyelashes and owns a plethora of sparkly eyeliner. Or maybe she doesn’t, but she has something distinct and a little ritzy, if not haphazard. We all saw Euphoria and it like, totally imprinted on us. The way glitter sits on your face after a long day is so resplendent. When it’s shining and a little bit melted off from your long, semi-productive day… ugh! Just made for film. Pictures on film. But not the Prequel app. I keep getting fucking ads for it. But it’s so embarrassing. Like, isn’t the whole point of film the authenticity of the moment? The texture of the afternoon? Why would you fabricate that? Prequel is just so cheugy. More on that later. But anyhow. Wearing a ton of eye makeup kind of fits with the idea of film too I think. Like, look at you, in the moment. With your strip lash falling off! It’s all so tres-chic. Plus, for whatever reason, it’s kind of unique or notably dedicated to ~Pull up to the function~ with more eye makeup on than everyone else. Sorry, but it really doesn’t take that long! But yes I will gracefully accept your praise… it’s kind of like the dropshipping of complements if you think about it. Easy to source with little to no effort in the curating. Side note, lashes are like $20 for 40 weeks if you cut them in half and use each pair about 5 times. You could probably do more but I lose track. How the fuck is it almost June? I was trudging through the snow to check the mail for my Online Ceramics shirt just last week, I swear. The trick to cutting your lashes (the way I do it anyway) is pretty simple. Get out two lashes that are symmetrical. Find the middle and cut one slightly to the left and one slightly to the right. This means you have two sets (one set is a little more dramatic than the other but at least they are symmetrical) with longer outer edges. Glue this to the outer corner of your eye and you will look so Composed… obsessed with how this layers with three eyeliner tails (one traditional one pointing up and one pointing down directly below it, sort of like the tail light on a 2019 Lexus UX) and one below your eye, like a clown. Fun, irrelevant fact, is the first time I added this third tail to my eye makeup, my dad had just gotten home from the hospital because he was sure he had like appendicitis or something and it was actually.. Not that. Typical indie hypochondriac. He made me bring him cottage cheese on a plate with a teaspoon that evening. I put black pepper on it for flair, which he hated. Walking up and down stairs with a plate of cottage cheese is much more imprinting than most of the multiplication tables. Don’t forget to use a bright shimmer eyeshadow in your inner corner. It really opens up your eyes. I recommend Too Faced.  One time I got a little bit too high and tried to film an “editorial” makeup tutorial. You will never, ever, ever see that video. But I essentially covered my whole eyelid in the ABH shadow “palermo” and smudged out the edges with a tan Tartelette Toasted shade, coupled with my long-expired Milk Makeup holographic stick. Lopsided lashes and near-blinding eyeliner experience aside, it was kind of cool. My point is, you really cannot go wrong with an arsenal of shimmers, taupey mattes and a good eyeliner pen.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #437

“you get what you pray for  /  you don’t get anything”

Do you tell your mom and dad everything? No. Who was the last person you talked about something that was bothering you with? Most likely my mom. What’s your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. Who did you last share a taxi with? I've never been in a taxi. If you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for first trying it? I've never done drugs, but the first time I drank was actually an accident. I'd come in from a long, hot walk, and I desperately needed water, and Mom offered me what I thought was just pink lemonade. Turns out it was a Mike's Hard Lemonade and I CHUGGED it before everyone around me was like "NOOOO!" because it was alcohol lmaooo. If you were far from home and needed to sleep for the night, would you choose to rent a crappy motel room for $60 or sleep in your car for free? I'm sleeping in my car. I'm afraid of things like bed bugs. Is there a situation where you caved into peer pressure and regretted it? I don't think so? Have you ever rolled off your bed in your sleep? Pretty sure no. What is your favourite planet? Saturn! Do you enjoy Mario games? Not really, honestly. They're just not my style. Mario Kart is fun every now and again, though. What flavor fruity drink is your favorite? Strawberry, in most cases. Ever done a keg stand? No. Who is the last person you lent money to? My mom. Do you have any health problems that are unusual for your age? I have carpal tunnel in my wrists from typing so much, but I'm not sure how "unusual" that is for young adults nowadays... I feel like there's something else, but it's evading me right now. Do you bite your nails? No, I pick/peel at them. :x What’s the longest nap you’ve ever taken? Oh god, hours. To the point it no longer really qualifies as a "nap." When people ask you about school, what is your usual response? Do you enjoy talking about school? Why or why not? I get all awkward and just reply that I gave it numerous shots, but my mental health couldn't handle it. I hate talking about school because I feel like a failure. Do you know how to fill a car’s tire with air? Have you ever had to do it? No to both. Do you like your best friend’s parents? Why or why not? Omg I LOVE them. They are spectacular people with massive hearts. I especially am drawn to her dad, whom I find incredibly inspiring. Both her parents are just great. I miss 'em. What do you like in your hot cocoa - marshmallows, whipped cream, candy canes? Do you even like hot cocoa? I loooove hot chocolate. I really just prefer it plain, but you can toss a few marshmallows in there. Which do you have a problem with: over-eating or under-eating? I'm way more likely to over-eat than under-eat. A girl likes her food lmao. The last boy you kissed, good-looking? He's by no means ugly, but I wasn't physically attracted to him personally. Do you love him? Not romantically, but definitely platonically. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. I don't like Pepsi. When was the last time you were given flowers? Ummm... I want to say the last time was many years ago when Tyler visited for the first time when we started dating. What do you want to name your children? I don't want kids. But hypothetically, Alessandra and probably Damien. Would you ever write a letter to someone you haven’t met yet, like your future spouse? No. I'd probably get too emotional anyway. Do you carry a mirror in your purse? No. Do you believe that there is beauty in everything? I've always thought this was such a stupid idea that tries to make reason out of life and its tragedies. Like yeah, cancer, rape, murder, etc. are definitely "beautiful." There is absolutely no beauty in a vast plethora of things. The first time you smoked, did you cough like a fool? I've never smoked before. When you were younger, did you have a Neopets account? Oh, yes. I loooooved Neopets, but not quite as much as Webkinz. I've actually remade a Neopetz account multiple times because I'd forget my info, ha ha... Who was the last person you got in a fist fight with? I've never been in a physical fight. Did you and your mom ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? Not "move out," no. We did, however, have a fight where I stayed with Dad for I want to say a week, maybe a bit less. Do you dislike anyone? Why? Well, yes. I don't know anyone who doesn't dislike somebody. There are a few people, in my case, that I'm not going to spend time going through and pointing out what I don't like. Do you think you will be in a relationship 2 months from now? No. Do you always feel like you’re making mistakes? Like constantly. Does your animal sleep with you? Roman usually does, yeah. Do you have any baby pictures of yourself on your computer? No. Mom has those in photo albums. What kind was the last chip you ate? I want to say traditional Lays? It was at my nephew's bday party. Do you eat onion rings? No, I'm not a fan. What was the last thing to disgust you? I think it was some thumbnail I saw on YouTube, even though it was (weakly) blurred. Where do you see your ex in 5 years? "The" ex, I don't want to think about it. Probably somewhere great for him, but would break my heart if I knew. Do your parents swear? Dad swears big time, while Mom tries to hold it back. You won't hear her say something like "fuck" unless she is SERIOUSLY upset. Do you ever drink warm milk? Warm milk sounds literally disgusting. Would you be really upset if Facebook ceased to exist tomorrow? No. I literally just came back from my break from it, so it'd be more funny than anything. The universe's way of telling me "nah, son." Who do you know that wears the most makeup? My friend Summer, but then again she's a cosmetologist. Have you ever had bronchitis? No, thankfully. Jason had it BAD once and I will neeever forget that cough, good Lord. Do you like to wear makeup? I hate applying it more than anything. Like, I love that it can help me feel prettier, but I pretty much never wear it because it's just a pain to put on, especially by myself because I have bad tremors in my hands. How many times have you been to the ER? Way too many times for being suicidal. How often do you feel lonely? Honestly, pretty much always. When are you most uncomfortable? I dunno, man. I'm always uncomfortable about one thing or another. Has anyone ever revealed a secret about you? Not that I remember... Have you ever revealed anyone else’s secret? No, that is such a shitty thing to do. Have you ever had a family member/friend that was hospitalized? Yes. Have you ever been in trouble with the law? No. Is there anything you want to experiment with? I mean, nothing that quickly comes to mind. There are things I want to try, but nothing major. What do you hope happens to you after you die? Mixed feelings. Sometimes I hope there's some sort of nirvana-like state we experience, I think it'd be wonderful to be reunited with loved ones, but I also sometimes think it'd be best if we just... stopped existing. Consciousness just stops. I dunno. I'll find out eventually. What is the most disgusting thing you have seen in person (not on TV)? Probably a maggot-infested deer corpse that I faintly remember from where I used to live. I thought it was the sickest thing ever lmao, in both senses. What is something others make fun of you for? Always holding some sort of technology. Just don't fucking comment on it. It makes me self-conscious as hell. Is your life turning out like you pictured it would? QUITE THE FUCKING OPPOSITE. Do your initials spell out a word? No. Has anyone ever given you roses? Yeah. Last baby you held? My older sister's youngest daughter. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or groomsman? My aforementioned sister's. What is something you would never do to your body? I mean, there's a large number of things. There are certain piercings and tattoos I wouldn't dare to get, I plan on taking care of my hair as best I can to avoid ruining it despite wanting to dye it a lot... *shrug* Stuff like that. How are you planning to decorate your house for Halloween? I don't know if we'll decorate. We haven't really for a few years now... I don't have the motivation to do it myself, and now that it's just me and her and I'm grown up (I know, I'm laughing too), Mom doesn't really bother with doing it. I know I DO want to carve pumpkins this year, though. Dunno what, but I'll figure it out. Ever lived in a trailer park? No. Do you like salsa that has fruit in it? NOOOOOOOOOOO Can you count in binary? No. Do you like hard or soft pretzels better? I'll eat both, but I have a strong preference for soft ones. When was the last time someone kissed you on the cheek? Who was it? I'm sure that was either my niece of nephew when I was leaving their house when I last visited for Ryder's birthday. What kind of ice cream did you eat last? Where’d you get it from? It was chocolate. I had a scoop at the aforementioned birthday party. Do you like flowers? What is your favorite kind to receive? I love flowers. I don't have a favorite to receive, really. Have you ever unblocked someone that you blocked before? Yes. Has anyone slapped you across the face before? If so, why? No. Do you prefer to have more or less in common with your significant other? I like to be pretty similar. Would you take a shot of heroin for a million dollars? No. I don't fuck with that, even for that much money. Why don’t you talk to your ex anymore? He wants nothing to do with me. Do you think it is okay to drive while high? Obviously not...? Do you find Halloween or Valentine’s Day more exciting? Halloween. Has anyone you know ever had serious surgery before? Yeah; my mom immediately comes to mind in both instances she had cancer. When she had kidney cancer, the tumor was larger than the kidney itself, and she lost the entire organ. When she had ovarian cancer, she had to have a complete hysterectomy because the cancer was EVERYWHERE along her reproductive system to an almost fatal degree. My mom's pretty metal. If you had the last person you kissed’s Facebook password, would you go snooping through their stuff? Why or why not? No, because that's a violation of privacy? You don't do that shit. Have you ever fainted? If so, when was the last time? If not, have you ever came close to? Yes. The only time that I remember was maaaany years ago, like, maybe '14. I've nearly fainted plenty of times since then for various reasons, but mostly just from low blood pressure. Ever take a keyboarding class? Do you type using the skills you learned in that class or how you used to before you took the class? Yes; I believe one course was mandatory in middle school. I type the proper way, yeah. Ever cut your hair (the entire thing – not just the bangs or a little part) yourself? Noooo. Would you ever open your own business? If so, what kind of business could you imagine yourself having? Well, I'd like to be a freelance photographer, but to be real, I'm starting to loosen up on that dream. It's been too long, I just don't see it happening anymore. Baby steps are one thing, but I've barely managed any of those in forever. Ever meet and talk to someone from an online dating site? No. Would you date someone you weren’t physically attracted to? Why or why not? Yes; I've done it before. I just care way more about emotional chemistry. Besides, historically, me liking someone for their heart has made each person a lot more attractive to me as a whole. Last person to hang up on you? I dunno. What’s your favorite scary movie? The Blair Witch Project. The second one is great, too, plus The Crazies. Which urban legend is your favourite? Oh man, you can't ask me this. I LOVE cryptids and conspiracies 'n shit. Are any of your fears completely irrational? Yes, like whale sharks. A whale shark ain't gonna hurt u boo but I see that mouth and am like no thnx Where is the light switch in your room? Funnily enough, I don't have a light switch; there isn't a ceiling light in this room. I instead have two table lamps that I can turn on on either side of my bed. Would you make a good lawyer? Hell no, I cry when I argue lmao. It's funny tho because I remember in TWO instances, in-depth surveys recommending jobs for you brought up me being a lawyer, and each time I was just like,,,,, no???????? Why did your family decide to live where you’re living now? It was more necessity than anything. Our old house had a LOT of issues to it, and with Mom's cancer diagnosis, she needed the cleanest environment possible, and that was NOT our old place. The house we live in now is owned by a family friend, and when the previous owner died, the timing just... kinda worked out to where that family friend I mentioned helped us pay our way into here. We really don't like this place because of the location, but it had to work. What was the best pet you've ever had? All things considered, I have to hand it to my boy Teddy. That dog was someone special. Very, very special. If you were allowed one murder without punishment, would you do it? Nah. Name one song you can play on an instrument, any instrument! I can probably still slam out "Hot Cross Buns" on a recorder. \m/ Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle? Noooo, I'm scared to. On the opposite sex, do you prefer muscles, average size, or scrawny bodies? It depends on the person, ig. I can be attracted to any of those. Just not EXTREME muscle. Not my thing at all.

[homosexualcolombus]

unsolicited online dating advice

let's be real, i was just as blindsided as the next person and had no clue that a few months into this wretched year of our lorde 2020 we would be living through a major historical event that is the outbreak of the covid-19 pandemic. so now, i'm home from university with nothing else to do, stuck in quarantine with no idea how long it would last. couple that with the fact that i am a complete gen z stereotype in the sense that i am always glued to my phone and my laptop, talking to strangers on the internet and broadcasting every single vapid detail of my relatively uninteresting life to a just-as-uninterested audience, and you have yourself a recipe for disaster.

two weeks and a thousand pages into the pornhub home page later, i got tired of the rinse and repeat and decided i wasn't gonna be that bitch who gets carpal tunnel less than a month into quarantine. question is, where would i put all the pent-up sexual frustration into now that the sweet release of pulling the padge is no longer an option? the answer? tinder.

by the time i finally got used to the sour taste that "e-dating" brings to my mouth, i realized i needed a game plan.

don't get me wrong, i'm no stranger to tinder and online dating, and i'm not even kidding when i say it's legitimately a war zone out there. god forbid u get hit by a stray hormone in the battlefield (in which case, f in the chat for our fallen soldier). but with the current situation in mind i knew i wasn't going into just any regular battle, hell not even a regular hunger games, but a full blown quarter quell.

this, of course, led me to convening a meeting with my two remaining brain cells: dumb and dumber. now the last thing dumb "retained" was a stupid ad from a youtube video: an e-toro ad. normally i would have dismissed that stupid idea (if you can even call it that) but given the shortage of manpower i decided to look at it in a different way. which then led me to thinking of approaching dating as a marketing strategy (which, by the way, whew! big reach. so glad i stretched before that one). in the vein of the ad topic, dumber decided to regurgitate the memory of an old tv commerial from my head.

tinder. meet, chat, date. olx. hanap, usap, deal.

see the difference between the two? yeah no, me neither.

so now i'm on board, even though i was totally not expecting to get a sensible idea from dumb and dumber. the problem is, how the fuck do i market myself as a person desirable enough to make people want to buy into the fantasy?

i tried forcing myself to remember every single econ related lecture and every single experience i had in grade school where i was forced to sell shit for grades until i've finally managed to unleash my inner entrepreneur. she came and she came ready. the bitch even brought with her a checklist so you know she means business (also because she's a capricorn, and they're all anal like that)

1. branding

i would be the first person to tell you my name is very pedestrian... the kind of pedestrian who's unlucky enough to be collateral damage in a freaky car accident. i have a white person's name too (christopher!!! yes as in colombus aka the world-renowned caucasian colonizer) so i'd say i'm not doing so hot in the branding department.

inner entrepreneur's solution? a nickname. one unique enough that it catches someone's attention, but not quirky enough to make them think your parents are hippies. in the end i chose toph, because it's not THAT common, and it gives the hot normies an opening to make avatar: the legend of aang puns so overall a win-win.

2. aesthetics

the mirror is not my friend, and nor is the camera. i'm what you would categorize as "aesthetically challenged"ㅡ in short, i'm ugly. but this aspect i wasn't really too worried about because i wasn't born yesterday. appearances, especially in photos, are easy to enhance. i knew my good angles and with the help of a few filters and good lighting i was all set. it also helps that i have an android phone because let's be real, who wants to look clapped in hd? certainly not me! i believe beauty is in the eye of the cctv footage quality selfie.

android - 1 apple - 0

3. product integrity

don't pretend to be something you're not because that jig gets real old real fast. i'm the type of person who likes to lay out all my cards on the table, and in that spirit, i'm upfront and honest to my matches about being a pathological liar. it's fun making them squirm by letting them second guess everything i say as they desperately try to decipher what i am and i'm not lying about. plus, everytime i feel the conversation slipping into snoozefest territory, i just say something wayyyy out of pocket and it shoots the conversation right back to party city! is it real, or did i make it up, who cares? who says i don't know how to keep a relationship spicy?

4. advertising

no, pleb, this does not mean you should buy tinder gold (unless you're an incel, in which case, be my guest). what this means is that i swiped religiously. i made sure i reached my like limit early so that i get maximum engagement by the time the 12-hour timer resets. the more users i liked, the more chances my profile appears in their cards, and in this house, we love good exposure!

so now you've read this far and you might be wondering, is this method successful? can i apply this to me too? and let me be the first to tell you it isn't. i would NOT have made a whole blog post and posted it on the internet for free for everyone to see if it did. the point here is that if you've read this far and thought "well maybe this can work" then i've successfully managed to waste a good few minutes of your time (or maybe not few, idk how fast you read), which in the age of quarantine, is a commodity you're bound to have too much of.

now, i believe a thank you is in order?

[queenmorgawse]

transmigration for dummies

chapter three. mdzs scum villain au. read on ao3 + end notes.  credit to @lee-luca, esp as another bit of the comic is mentioned here.  previous | first | next 

One hour, thirty minutes and two hundred rules into his punishment, Jingyi is as bored as he’s ever been in this life. To top it all off, the System isn’t responding to any of his pleas for company, only responding with oops ): something went wrong when he tries to ping it. Back home, this is about when he would have given up on homework and started scrolling through his Twitter feed instead, but there’s not much he can do without his phone.

Ugh, he’d kill for one of these crappy McDonalds games. Even a Kinder toy would make him happy right now. Instead, he doodles on his torn-up first drafts, on which the ink made blots from his clumsy first attempts to imitate the original text’s elegant calligraphy.

He silently adds bic pens to the ever-increasing list of modern appliances he misses.

When badly-drawn stickmen get boring as well, he starts to think about the original Lan Jingyi in his life. Maybe that’s how it works, after all. Mom sure would love someone who’d actually go to bed early when she tells him to. On the other hand, once he got over the initial shock of modern Jingyi’s life, he’d probably find it pretty dull. High school isn’t about to compare to flying swords and cultivation, that’s for sure.  

Opposite him, Sizhui is bent over his own stack of scrolls, poring over rows and rows of tiny characters and absent-mindedly running his fingers along the lines. From the way he hums to himself when he thinks Jingyi is too busy copying to care, he guesses they’re music sheets of some kind. Unlike Jingyi, he looks like he’s actually engrossed in what he’s doing.

Too bad. Jingyi’s reached that point of boredom at which he needs to talk to someone or else he’ll implode. ( Still, he promises himself he’ll stop if Sizhui shows even a hint of genuine annoyance. )

“Hey, Lan Sizhui ⎯ can I call you just Sizhui? Um, sorry I got you stuck here.”

To his relief, the other doesn’t look irritated, just surprised. “Sizhui is fine,” he ventures after a few seconds. A smile breaks out on his face. “That’s good. I was afraid you were still mad me, you’ve been so awkward all day...”

Wait, what? Who’s angry at you? Someone who kicks kittens for fun, probably.

Oh right, me. Maybe he’s the one whose brain needs a reboot. How does he explain that it’s not him who’s mad? Hell, he doesn’t even know what the original is supposed to be mad about. For some reason, it feels weird to ask, just because it seems important enough that admitting he forgot would be insulting.

“Anyway,” Sizhui continues after coughing into his sleeve, “it’s alright, you don’t have to apologize to me. I’ve got to go over these before tomorrow’s lesson anyway, I might as well do it here.”

“Inquiry?” Jingyi ventures, maybe-maybe-not because it’s the only title he clearly remembers from the ones canon mentioned.

“Oh, no. Asking very specific questions is still a bit out of my reach, but Fa...Hanguang-jun wrote down a list of phrases for me, so we’re going to try them tomorrow.” His face softens at the mention of Lan Wangji. If this was a fic, this would be when Jingyi keels over and presses his face into a pillow for a little while.   

The chat devolves into musical cultivation. Jingyi muddles his way through it the best he can, feeling like he’s bullshitting an essay out loud, but Sizhui doesn’t seem to find his vague answers all that off-putting. He still pointedly glances down at the stack of unfinished notes on the table from time to time, but since Jingyi’s calligraphy has been getting worse and worse the less attention he pays to it, maybe it’s for the better.   

When dinner time rolls around, they eat their bowls sitting on the steps leading up to the Library Pavilion, after Sizhui rightfully points out Lan Qiren would have their skins if they spilled even a drop of sauce on the sect’s precious texts. Gradually, Jingyi feels himself relax.

“So, are we chill?” he asks between two mouthfuls of rice.

Sizhui just stares at him.

Right. No slang. “...I mean, we’re doing good, right? We’re friends?”

Something complicated passes over Sizhui’s expression. It’s too fleeting for him to catch more than a glimpse of it, especially as it’s overridden by his usual calm smile before Jingyi can shove another rice ball into his mouth, but he could swear the other winced.

Well, ouch. It must show on his face, because Sizhui suddenly looks alarmed and adds : “Yes, yes, we are!” Another smile. This time, Jingyi can definitely see the strain. “We’re friends. You don’t have to doubt that.”

“Oh. Great!” Jingyi resists the urge to reach out and gently punch his shoulder. Who knows how it’d be perceived. “We’re gonna spend a lot of time together, if I’ve got to keep copying rules, so...I wanted to make sure.”

【OOC behavior detected : contradiction of backstory despite hints : -20 points. Current balance : 65 points. 】

Shut up! I want him to like me!

“We’re friends,” Sizhui repeats one last time, like he’s trying to convince himself. Then he reaches for Jingyi’s shoulder and gives his robes a tug. “We should get back in there. Two more hours before curfew, you can still get a few lines in. I won’t distract you.”

“Ugh.”

Jingyi makes a face. Sizhui laughs, and the tension from earlier dissolves. “Come on. The more you get done, the faster it’ll be over.”

-

It turns out they’re both severely underestimating the number of rules Jingyi can break without realizing, and therefore the amount of time they’ll be spending here.

Despite these setbacks, over the course of the next handful of weeks, Jingyi adapts to his new life the best he can. He finds out, with much relief, that even though he can’t access the original’s knowledge and memories, training since childhood pays off even after a body swap. He doesn’t have to think too hard about sparring, just keep a firm grip on his sword, and his muscles can apparently do the rest with minimal effort on his part.

It only works with the actual fighting, though. After going to bed feeling sore all over for a week straight, Jingyi gives up and gives the cold springs a shot. It freezes his limbs off, but the ache gets better after that. It even gets him about a dozen points, which he adds to the rest, gained through menial tasks across the Cloud Recesses and some well-timed mischief.

He also likes to think he gets some progress done with step one of his grand plan to survive this novel. There’s no undoing years of being a pain in everyone’s ass in a matter of weeks, but Jingyi still gives it his best shot - peppered with tasteful cursing at the System when it deducts points for actually following the rules or, you know, not being a dick to everyone he talks to. As a result, he goes from mostly being avoided by the other disciples to tolerated, even if no one but Sizhui goes out of their way to talk to him or invite him to join in on...whatever fun they have.

Jingyi doubts he’s missing out on much, at least where the Lans are concerned. But rumor has it some of the guest disciples snuck out into Caiyi to try some of the local wine, and he’s jealous of that, which is kind of irrational. He doesn’t even like the taste of wine that much, and besides, that may be too much of an infraction for a raised Lan, however prone to rule-breaking said Lan is supposed to be.

( He really can’t afford to slip up again. When he dared chop a solid forty centimeters off his hair after struggling to run a comb through it for the fifth time that week, the System’s alarm blared so loud he almost had an out of body experience. He’d felt the hundred points shaved off his score, though, even if he’d managed to negotiate half of them back. That was the spiritual equivalent of having a car zoom past right as you were about to cross the street, and Jingyi’s in no hurry to do it again...but with that said, it feels great not to have to deal with a bird’s nest every time he wakes up. )

-

Of course, he can’t just get comfortable with his new daily routine. Something has to happen. This time, said something takes the shape of a summon from Teacher Lan. Jingyi drags his feet over from the Library Pavilion and away from his sixth copy of Gusu Lan rules. His wrist is still complaining every time he bends it a little too far. Fuck corpse powder, it’s carpal tunnel that’s going to do him in.

Speaking of copies, maybe he shouldn’t slump this much. He’s fairly sure there’s a rule for that somewhere in the two thousand and nineties.

Given the circumstances, Jingyi fully expects another lecture from Lan Qiren the moment he sets foot in the communal hall, but quickly readjusts his expectations when he spots the small crowd of disciples gathered around their teacher. Most of them are familiar faces by now, except for the girls, who for some reason live in a completely different part of the Cloud Recesses. Still, he recognizes Lan Fan, the shimei who looks like she could bite your head off but actually gave him some pretty helpful tips on sword stances the other day, Tao Ming, the boy who’d seemed vaguely suspicious of him that first day, and of course, Sizhui in the forefront.

Lan Qiren narrows his eyes at him as he hastily joins the rest of the group. “Late again, Lan Jingyi.”

“Sorry, Teacher. This disciple was busy copying rules when he heard.”

A few of his companions snort, the noise quickly disguised as a sudden and collective bout of coughing. Jingyi can’t blame them ; if he’d heard the same words everyday for weeks on end, he’d be laughing too. Lan Qiren gives a long-suffering sigh, but whatever he’s about to tell them must take precedence, because Jingyi gets away with what might otherwise have been considered cheek.

“Madam Mo of Mo Village has sent us a request for assistance.” Given their teacher’s expression, he might as well said that she’d beaten down their door in the middle of the night and let a donkey loose in the courtyard. “From the servants’ description, it shouldn’t be anything more than a few walking corpses. Nothing a group of juniors cannot handle.”

Yeah, right. Despite knowing he’s supposed to let canon run its course, Jingyi still feels a twinge of apprehension. Why, you ask? He can answer that in two points.

Things Jingyi knows : mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

Things Jingyi doesn’t know : how to kill zombies with swords.

In theory, he did spend the last few weeks training, and he didn’t slack off either, thank you very much. Doesn’t mean he’s ever gone up against a corpse before. He’s a coward, okay? Horror movie night was hell, back in his own world. He’s in no hurry to experience it in real (?) life.

“Lan Sizhui will lead the group,” Lan Qiren continues. “I expect all of you to keep your behaviors appropriate and not bring shame onto our sect.” To no one’s surprise, Jingyi thinks, and throws the interested party a small smile. To his surprise, Sizhui blushes and looks down at his boots, looking both embarrassed and pleased. It’s an unfairly cute look on him, but again, most of his looks are.  

Right on cue, the System wheezes to life like it just crawled out of a computer from the nineties.【Beginning stage checkpoint mission assigned. Destination : Mo Village. Mission : ensure the protagonist, Wei Wuxian, makes it to Mount Dafan to meet love interest Lan Wangji. Please click to accept.】

Jingyi mentally slams the Accept button.

Ding!  【Mission successfully accepted. Please read the file carefully for mission details and make appropriate preparations. We wish you success. 】

OOC function, here he comes!

[thegrumpygroomer]

The New Groomer’s Guide

Hello! If you’re following this account, I’m assuming you’re either already a groomer or interested in becoming one. And for both, I’d like to say: Welcome! For today’s post, I would like to pass on the knowledge I gained and kinda wished I could’ve figured out earlier. Many of you might go “yeah, duh” to a lot of this shit. Other’s might go “haha, yeah.” Hope you get something out of this either way.

1) It’s more than just ‘playing with puppies’- In this sense, I was kinda lucky. In my interview, my boss actually leveled with me and said “look, this job isn’t glamorous. It’s not about playing with puppies and having a good time. We clean dog assholes for a living.” That always stuck with me.

I’ve met some newbies that clearly didn’t get the same talking to as me. Or they thought it was fewer dog assholes and more puppies.

Either way, you learn quickly whether or not you want this just by that.

2) You will get bit- You’ll start out being wary of some dogs. Typically, those are the ones you should worry about least. I don’t know if you’ll ever get bit bad enough to make you bleed, but I’m talking from my own first and second-hand experience. I’ve seen some of the best groomers who’ve been doing it for far longer than me, stride out of the back with a bleeding hand. Sometimes it can’t be avoided because them motherfucker’s quick.

On the bright side, you can see it as training for a zombie apocalypse. No bitch-ass dead bitch gonna get you when Fido already taught you how to stay away from teeth.

3) Get a good pair of tweezers- This is something just about everyone forgets to tell you directly. Hair splinters are a BITCH. I have about twenty little shits permanently infused into the side of my pinky finger. They get to stay put for now because they didn’t cause any pain and alert me to their presence. To me, the ones on the palm are the worst. Especially the little white ones.

You will have a very intimate relationship with tweezers. One of those tiny magnifying glasses might help too.

4) Maybe get yourself a face mask and goggles too- Hair. It’ll be everywhere. There will be days you’ll walk out from drying your dog and your hair will have a new layer to it. You’ll find it hard to breathe then blow your nose and find out that husky from a week ago is still lodged in your nasal cavity. It’ll spiderweb all over your eyes. So, protect yourself so you can breathe and see.

Also, nail dust is a thing so the mask can be used again.

5) You’ll make a dog bleed- This is a very sad reality of grooming. But, there will come a time when you’ll draw blood. Maybe it’ll be a nicked paw pad, maybe your blade caught a scab. Most likely, it’ll be cutting a nail too short. No matter what, you’ll probably have a similar reaction to both me and a few people I trained.

You’ll cry and be afraid of doing it again. You might even react more than the dog you think is bleeding to death. It’s going to be okay; you’re going to get through it. It’s probably the crappiest part of the job but it is still a thing to prepare for. But, if you want this, you’ll have to get up from the floor where you passed out and learn all the steps to take to keep this from happening again.

And a better way of reacting if it does. Can’t have groomers always passing out.

6) You’ll gain breed prejudice- Huskies and German Shepherds? Get the fuck out of here. Yorkies? Those little shits better calm down! Border collies? Dude needs to take an ambient or something. Pit bulls? Fuck yeah! Always room for a pit bull bath!

You might think it’ll be obvious. Of course, you’ll love one type of dog over another. It’s not. Not at all. I’m more wary of a Pomeranian than I’ve ever been of a dog that comes up to my hip and I was attacked by a Shepard mix when I was seven.

This one’s pretty cut and dry. Hate some breeds, love others. There’s no telling what direction it’ll go.

You’ll never wanna do a pug nail trim though. That’s pretty universal.

7) Your tolerance levels are gonna change dramatically- When you do get a puppy, it’s both the best and the worst. Because, holy hell those little shits are adorable. But also, holy fuck this dog has never done this before and is scared shitless of everything! Puppies take practice and patience. A whole shitload of it. And that’ll be where your tolerance level should skyrocket. Remember, it’s a baby. It doesn’t know any better. (this should also hold true for any first timers and older dogs. Or just straight up nervous animals)

Now let’s talk about where tolerance will have the opposite effect: people.

Many will still have the whole “customer is always right” philosophy. Unfortunately, this is one of those places where that simply is not true. If you neglect to brush your dog? He gets a shave down rather than a light trim. You wanna shave you’re golden retriever because she’s shedding? That’s not how things work, ya dumbass!

I lost count of how many times I wanted to tell someone to do their fucking research before buying an animal. I didn’t get into this job to torture dogs.

It often helps to think that maybe this owner doesn’t know better. But, when you know for a fact they should know better, then you’re just going into the back to slam your head against the wall for a little while.

Also, those are the people who will usually become your request clients. So, you’ll have plenty of time trying to explain this shit to them. Enjoy!

8) You’ll be blamed for dumb things- The other day someone called to blame a groomer for giving a dog a mole. Not nicking a mole, GIVING him a mole. As if she had some kind of lame superpower to add something that usually takes forever to develop. Another time, I was accused of not giving a dog a bath because he went home and, the next day, “smelled like a dog.”

I don’t know why some people feel the need to do this. Maybe they lost touch with what it’s like to be a person with emotions. Maybe they think these are the best ways to get free things. Maybe their lives are just so miserable they need an outlet to dump all their crap. And what better scapegoat than a person in retail/service? You know, the one you just paid to get literally shat on?

(little gross extra for you: you will clean up shit. Sometimes, you’ll find it in your pocket. Don’t wear nice clothes to work…)

9) You’ll be in pain, like, 80% of the time- That’s a low ball too. I’m not a person who likes to be touched anymore than necessary. I don’t really hug unless I know you pretty well. I really like my personal space and strangers should never be in it.

But I would kill for a good back massage right about now.

If I could look into the future when I was in high school and saw this life, I would’ve done better in P.E. to prepare for it. I’m naturally a pretty strong person. I can lift some pretty heavy dogs without much of an issue. Even so, there are times my body screams at me for it. My main reason for wanting to go back to the gym is for upper body strength.

And then there’s carpal tunnel. It’ll be a bitch and you may need surgery down the line if you’re not careful. Just something to keep in mind.

Aches and pains will be a normal part of your day. Just think of them as a reminder that you are alive, I guess.

Now, I know you’re thinking that you just heard me bitch and moan about all the terrible shit in this job. Why would you wanna stay? Ore you may be thinking “Okay, so this is the part where they say something nice and return a bit of hope to our hearts.” Well, fuck you! I’m not some kinda straw man, Buzzfeed ass bitch here for your entertainment!

…..

Anyway.

10) it does have its upsides- I’ve had a lot of different jobs, most of which were a creative field. One of them paid a lot better than grooming. Many of them had their benefits like… not having to clean literal shit out of your pocket. But, it’s rare to find a job that can actually be fun.

All the bullshit I listed above is true; it’s all happened to me or around me. But most of the stuff are things that happen to everyone. That in itself brings you a certain amount of community. The people in the salon are very close-knit; it becomes almost like a family. And, like a family, we fight and bicker. But within that same hour, we’re laughing at bad puns and poop jokes. Immature? Maybe. But there’s not many other jobs where you can make these jokes without worrying about offending someone or just making things awkward.

There are days where I’m actually excited to go to work. Not many people can say that. Years ago, I couldn’t say that! So, I guess I’m lucky in a way.

This is not a job for everyone, don’t get me wrong. But when a job is geared for a certain type of person, it kinda sets up for a truly strong, supportive relationship.

-

Alright. Enough of this mushy sentimentality. This has been my New Groomer’s guide. Or, as it probably should’ve been titled “Ten things I wish someone told me when I became a Groomer.” But, ya know, I didn’t like that title.

Hope you enjoyed!

[the-teddy-bear-butch]

okay babe, I love talking to you(never apologize for rambling) and I gay panic too, but please if you take anything out of this interaction let it be this.[in the most affectionate way possible] DO NOT PUT YOUR PLANTS ON A WATERING SCHEDULE (this is coming from me who has over 20 house plants. usually I let mine dry out completely unless the little instruction labels on the side of the pot says to keep damp but that's mostly for tropical plants) k with my horrified plant obsessed-ness out of that way.

my wrist is okay, it acts up every now and then ever since my brother pushed me off a rope swing in the middle of winter (so there was snow) and we didn't see there was a rock under it. I'd take you up on the offer to kiss it better if I could.

I do play both! I don't have an electric but i do have 2 acoustic (both are hand me downs but I repainted one and it's my pride and joy. the other one is blue)

singing at the top of my lungs in the car holds some of my favourite memories.

yes you get it! vibes and colours, but also vibes and places i your life.

I like folk music too but the closest I get to listening to it regularly is the band fleet foxes, but they're more of a 'you wander into the woods and get lost in time for 1,000 years but it's okay' kind of band. I listen to like every kind of music, in your reply name a genre and I bet I can give at least 1 song rec.

I fell the stutter thing it really only gets bad if i'm tired or like almost having a meltdown/anxiety attack.

it does apprear you've met your match because golden pothos are low water/low light ( I really want one lol)

my favourite house plant is a little Bolivian Inch Plant because it's leaves because the bottoms are purple (my second favourite colour) and the tops, when you look closely are almost glittery and look kinda like a fake plant.

My favourite plant in general is wild purple roses (ngl i'm not actually sure if they're wild or not that's what my grandma called them tho) they smell like everything good in the world and look pretty too!

you have a tattoo! that's so cool! I kinda want one too lol

yes, ew why do men. I told him no, motioned at my shirt and he kinda just... walked away? which i think actually went pretty well.

your eternally swooning damsel

-el

Ahdjakkdkaks I swear I’ve learned my lesson! Becky just gets watered when the soil is dry or she’s looking droopy! She’s doing great, I swear! I’ll get a picture in the morning or something as proof, but rn I am very cozy in bed haha

Oh dear! That sounds like it hurt! I’m sorry it hurts sometimes, and I hope it feels better soon! Mine acts up too, but mine is carpal tunnel (thanks for the awesome genetics, mom)

That’s literally the coolest thing ever. I have dreamed so much of repainting a guitar. I bet yours looks awesome! I’d love to see a picture, if you’re comfortable sending one! Did you repaint it a different color or add a design? <33

Yes! Vibes and places and people too. I love having too many playlists connected to random things and people in my life. It’s fun but sad to listen to the ones for people that have drifted away—but it’s something special to put together a new one when someone new and wonderful comes into my life!

Okay okay okay, hmmmmm. I know country isn’t a popular genre, maybe too adjacent to folk, but I grew up on the stuff. Any country recs? Alternatively, something like pop punk? Or anything random you feel like sharing! I know they’ll be lovely

Yeah, I think I’ve finally found the one plant I can’t kill 😂 Honestly it’s thriving. I’d still love a garden though, if I could keep it alive. Especially strawberries.

I definitely had to look those up, but they’re so adorable!! I love the tiny leaves and the overlapping shapes. And such a beautiful coloration! Are they very high maintenance?

That’s so cool! I love the smell of flowers, even if the pollen does tickle my nose. I wish we had more wildflowers around. I do see the occasional sunflower, but my favorite is Indian paintbrush season! They pop up EVERYWHERE around the same time every year and they’re so beautiful. The landscape around here is so boring and they liven it up so much.

If you’re ever looking for an excuse to infodump about plants, this is your invitation! <33

I do! I want more. Tattoos are cool as hell, and I was pleasantly surprised when this one didn’t hurt so much. On the topic of flowers, I’d really, really love a linework floral sleeve, just all kinds of pretty flowers!

Better than it could have! The shirt absolutely kills me, I don’t know how a man could see you wear that with cuffed jeans and rings and go “ah yes, a heterosexual” 💀 The cishets really are so blind to these things lmao

Your hopeless romantic of a knight,

- Max/Lo

[singingunderthecurtain]

Hand Gesture (손짓) Halloween One Shot

Also posted in AFF

Photos not mine. All found in Google. But I created the moodboard

Author: @loeyeolty AU: Canon Genre: Crack with a little Hurt/Comfort Pairing: Multiple EXO members x Multiple OCs Trigger Warning: None Word Count: 2,325

Plot: After Jongdae ends up things with Iseul, the good-looking man with the white mask and black tux didn't seem so bad...

This Oneshot follows the ‘Tear You Apart’ Universe but it’s not necessarily a sequel. It can be read as a standalone. 

"Is this..your autograph?"

"Yes, by now, you could guess who I am."

I squint at the signature on my cast, I rack my brains to recall but "I'm sorry, I don't recognize.."

"Okay, let's make a deal, you can ask questions about me, and I can ask questions about you and Jongdae's breakup."

Mr. Phantom pitches a proposal I can't resist because, with the length of our conversation, I am just dying out of curiosity to know who he is.

"But how do you know that Jongdae and I?"

"Oppa knows everything."

Chohee POV

"Can you tone it down? Iseul is.."

Iseul is a fucking mess. I could barely mouth those words, staring at the disheveled girl shoving avocado ice cream down her throat and covered in snot.

"I just got our costumes from the mail, Iseul will be Regina George, Chohee you be Karen, while I'll be Gretchen because my hair is so big it's full of secrets.."

I made a hand gesture, slitting my hand against my throat towards Hyoeun, hoping that through my telepathic signals, she would shut up.

"You're Karen eonni because your boobs can tell the weather.." she didn't get the message.

"While Jongdae can be Aaron Samuels.." oh fuck Hyoeun said the worst word in this situation.

"JONGDAEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Iseul wailed in the same manner as Jongdae's perilous 'ah wae'.

"Why, what's wrong?" Hyo approached the crying heartbroken girl and patted her in reassuring strokes.

"Shit Iseul, I didn't know.."

"That's because you rarely come home here. You practically live in Chanyeol's apartment!" Iseul hissed.

"What! No, I'm just..busy with..work.. you know.." she stuttered. "overtime is a killer."

I do not know how to break this down gently but, I butted in

"Jongdae wrote a song for their next album, about.." I cleared the lump in my throat, "Handjobs."

"You see, this," Iseul stretched out her right hand, in a tiny bandage.

"Ever since I started my new writing job, my carpal tunnel has gotten worse. The doctor explicitly told me to 'avoid all jobs involving your hands.’ "

Hyoeun smirked, seemingly understanding what the doctor meant.

"Doctor also told me to rest my left hand, as it was starting to show symptoms of carpal as well."

Hyo makes a joke, trying to lighten the situation, but failed. "Hmm.. the carpal tunnel of love."

"Iseul has been taking care of her hands for the past 6 months.." I grabbed a scoop of Iseul's ice cream, but she refused to share.

"This has been going on for 6 months? and I was not informed?" How irrational of Hyo.

"Little did I know that while I was taking care of my hands, someone else’s hands were taking care of Jongdae's.." Iseul bawls out again.

"Jongdae showed me the prototype lyrics of 'Sonjit', then I apologized for being a bad girlfriend for the past six months," due to a shortage of tissues,  Iseul found purchase on the next best thing to wipe her runny nose, Hyo's baggy sweater.

"Then he said..he was the one who should apologize because he has needs, and he has sourced out his needs elsewhere.."

"Jongdae's a fucking asshole. Where is he?" Hyo tightens her fist into a ball, ready to run out of the door.

"It's okay Hyo," Iseul pulls Hyo back, pinching her sweater, now covered with snot at the backside. "You haven't heard the worst yet."

"I screamed at him, I wanted to break up. The bitch had the fucking nerve to beg. He told me not to throw away the 4 years we were together, that I overlook this instance of his cheating.."

Iseul's breathing was gradually replaced by rapid pants, and more blows to Hyo's clothing, much to her annoyance.

"I just blacked out, and before I knew it, I had injured my left hand by slamming his door all too hastily and forcefully..hence the new bandage on my left hand."

"Oh Iseul honey, at this rate the only Halloween costume fitting for you would be Samurai X's Shishio Makoto.." Iseul buries herself in Hyo's comforting arms.

"Chanyeol and I are planning a Halloween after party at his place, we should all go, dance, drink, have fun and forget that shit of an asshole Jongdae."

"Chanyeol and you?" I raised my brow at the thought.

"I meant Chanyeol, I'm not involved in the planning whatsoever."

"You're so defensive," I quipped and rummaged through Hyo's Halloween costumes. "They're all pink."

"What if Jongdae's there?" Iseul sniffled.

"I'll make sure he isn't on the guest list." Hyo confidently surmised, wiping off the snot off her hoodie.

"You're in charge of the guest list? So I guess you and Chanyeol are really the hosts?" it's been a year since we caught them and honestly everyone is fucking tired of their secret rendezvous. "Just fucking admit it Hyo, everyone already knows."

Hyo rolls her eyes at me, ignoring my comment. Iseul changes the topic.

"But what about me? I will look like shit in any costume, I'm handicapped as fuck."

"We can fix that." Hyo beamed.

~~~~~

Iseul POV

A Baekhyun dressed in cony pajamas and eye mask greets us and hands us various drinks.

"Chohee!" He squealed. Wherever we go, Hyoeun and I disappear in Baekhyun's eyes, all he sees is Chohee Chohee Chohee.

"You are all dressed in pink, you look pretty tonight!" Baekhyun chugs down a pink-tinged drink, the bitter aftertaste reaches his throat, evident from the sour face he made.

"Thanks, I'm Gretchen Weiners, Chohee is Karen.." Hyo proudly shows off our pink tops and pink micro skirts then whisper something close to Baekhyun. The latter's face lights up, much to the suspense of Chohee and I.

"And you are?" Baekhyun turns to me.

"She's Regina George after she got hit by a bus.." Hyo I am going to fucking kill you.

Hyo deliberately dressed me up with a metal neck and body braces, with both of my hands bandaged.

"oh yeah, I recall she got hit by the bus.." Baekhyun giggled. Despite how embarrassing I looked, at least people recognized me as Regina George.

"Chohee," Baekhyun shoves me and Hyo away, making his way to Chohee. "So I heard your breasts can tell the weather?"

~~~~~

Let's all go to Chanyeol's Halloween Party. It would be fun they said. We'll never leave you alone they said. Of course, they're having fun. Hyo has run off with her iron man, Baekhyun remains captivated by Chohee's weather-predicting breasts. and I’m here stuck in a corner with my handicapped hands.

"I've never seen anyone with much dedication to their costume, even binding their hands in a cast," a guy, clad in a tux with a cape, but his face covered with a mask sits on the bar beside me.

"Oh they're real," I push myself to make conversation. Usually, I'm an introvert, having a boyfriend like Jongdae, you never had a shortage of people around you, but now I'm on my own.

"What? What happened to you Ms. Regina-George -after -the -bus -hit- her?" Mr. Phantom of the Opera grabs my wrists gently and examines them on the bar table.

"How did you know I was Regina George?" I was surprised.

"Someone stuck a sticker on your back, reading those exact words. You have good friends." He chuckled

Hyo..I will get my revenge on you..today..or someday. You'll see. My eyes narrowed involuntarily.

"Don't be so mad over Hyo. Or we can plot revenge over her. One blowjob please," he motions to the bartender.

"Are you a mind reader? who are you?"

"You don't know me Iseul?"

His hand tried to pry off his mask, only to put it back again.

"I'm the Phantom of the Opera."

"It wouldn't be fun if I revealed myself so easily, Iseul." So I see, this guy is trying to play a game. He better be handsome behind that mask or else I'm suing.

"I don't like talking to people who won't even tell me their name, thank you." I wanted to walk away but I realized I could not push myself off the bar stool without external help.

"Are you...trying to ..escape?"

The man laughed at my futile efforts, tears forming beside my eyes.

"Yes, but my hands hurt. I have carpal tunnel due for surgery next week.."

I tried pushing myself down, but to no avail, hearing his gentle chuckles only added fuel to the fire.

"Please stop laughing at my efforts."

"I would say you're so darn cute and pretty right now, only if you weren't Jongdae's girlfriend." He watched me struggle all the more.

"Thanks but complements won't help me get off this chair.."

"No, pls stay Iseul-ssi, I have lots of wisdom to impart to you as the phantom of the opera.."

"We don't have anything in common, I don't even know your name, Mister."

"We both have carpal tunnel."

And at that moment, I stopped trying to escape. Like a pickup line, We both have carpal tunnel, was magic to my ears, gravitating me towards him.

I shimmied back to my seat, "you have my attention now,"

Mr. Phantom was very knowledgeable. He shared with me his knowledge and experience regarding our common illness...oh god is this what understanding feels like? Being with Jongdae for a long time, I have felt his gradual coldness towards me, especially since I started getting sick with my hands and all that.

When I told Jongdae before that my wrists needed rest, all I got in return was a simple "mmm." followed up by a rather disgusting question, "so can you do things with your feet?'

I do not know how my romantic relationship with Jongdae turned into sour and soulless just there for sex relationship. I feel so used.

"Iseul-ssi are you alright?" Mr. Phantom has released my hand back to me, after drunkenly examining it.

"Sorry, I just got trapped in my thoughts," I noticed a not-so-tiny scribble on my left hand.

"Is this..your autograph?"

"Yes, by now, you could guess who I am."

I squint at the signature on my cast, I rack my brains to recall but "I'm sorry, I don't recognize.."

"Okay, let's make a deal, you can ask questions about me, and I can ask questions about you and Jongdae's breakup."

Mr. Phantom pitches a proposal I can't resist because, with the length of our conversation, I am just dying out of curiosity to know who he is.

"But how do you know that Jongdae and I?"

"Oppa knows everything."

We were momentarily distracted when Chanyeol (minus his ironman headgear) takes the DJ stage and starts playing his own mixes, screaming "everybody stand, put your hands up!"

Mr. Phantom follows suit, as well as everyone, leaving me glued to my seat.

Looking at everyone having fun, screaming at the top of their lungs, and all I could think about was how fun it would be if Jongdae were here. But no, he was not the one who has his hands nor heartbroken.

It was then that I realized that Mr. Phantom was looking at me, with concerned eyes.

"I'm sorry, I forgot you could not dance right now."

"No, it's okay, I think I'm not fit to party right now. I think I should head home, You should enjoy the party."

"No, don't go home. You'll be left alone with your thoughts, thinking about your break up over and over."

"It's kinda eerie that you know me so well. I wanna make a wild guess Phantom-ssi... are you Shinee's Jonghyun?"

"I'm actually offended that you thought of me as that.." he scoffed.

"Then... Taemin?" I cocked my head to the side, I honestly have no clue who this man is.

"Grab your friends, grab your lover, grab your dates, today's Hallow's eve, as we countdown to October 31!" Chanyeol growled through his mic.

"Chanyeol's weird, I've never heard of Halloween countdowns before," our eyes met and both of us shrugged in unison.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Baekhyun grab in his arms my friend, Chohee. Hyo was rushing to go to Chanyeol's Dj booth, among other couples, holding onto each other.

"This is rather awkward," my seatmate breathed.

"...Do you want to step out?" He added.

"That's a better suggestion. I'm getting claustrophobic in this party." Mr. Phantom offers his hand, helping you go down the bar stool, and slowly leads you the way out.

"This is better," you find the perfect spot on the rooftop of Chanyeol's apartment. Your companion looks dashing under the moonlight, the autumn breeze blowing thru his cape. You secretly wished the wind would blow away his mask too.

Common sense dictated that it is wrong to share secrets with a stranger, but he didn't seem like one at all. Your blow by blow account of Jongdae's disregard for your health and eventual breakup did not seem to shock him at all.

"You don't seem shocked by what I am saying," you paused and looked at your friend who was drawing comforting circles with his palm across your cold back.

"Because I know everything, I know the girl he cheated on you with. I feel guilty that I had known before but because it was your relationship, the rest of the boys decided to stay mum."

Despite his warm hand on your back, you felt chills run down your spine.

"You're cold," Mr phantom drapes his cape over you.

"So... you're one of EXO?" You gasped. "And who is this girl?"

"Make a guess," a faint smile cracked under his mask.

"Xiumin? Are you Xiumin?"

"Wrong."

"Kyungsoo?"

"Get your thoughts together Iseul, Kyungsoo was staring at us a while ago. He was that grudge kid… Final hint: Iseul I’ve always had a crush on you and I hated the fact that you were Jongdae's girlfriend. You are an awesome girl and.."

"Junmyeon?" Come to think of it. Jongdae rarely took you out with Suho. All of his friends that you’ve known were Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Sometimes Sehun, sometimes Kai. But almost never Suho.

Mr phantom slowly takes off his mask, revealing his impeccable facial features coupled with the smirk on his face

Like gravity, he pulls you in and you lean in as he gives you a soft peck on your lips,

He was slow and gentle enough, measuring if you were ready for more

Junmyeon immediately draws out, but not far enough from you. Your foreheads touching as he pleads

"I'm sorry."

"I'm drunk.." indeed he tasted like sweet liquor.

"It's okay, I'm sober, Junmyeon."

"Can I kiss you Iseul?"

You pull him in closer, stifling your giggles "you just did!"

The first time was a wonder, the second time was deeper.

"I have always found you interesting too but right now, I'm so angry over what happened..." You glance at Junmyeon who looks more handsome without the mask.

"It wasn't your fault Iseul. I guess Jongdae, he was an asshole. He had been stringing Seulgi all along you were dating."

Junmyeon reassuringly places your bandaged hands on his lap.

"And I’m so sorry this happened to you."

"None of this is your fault Junmyeon, I am just glad someone listened to me tonight."

You tried to smile at Junmyeon despite your throbbing aching heart, and he reciprocated with a heartwarming smile too.

"Iseul I still can’t believe he blamed his lack of handjobs to your carpal.. when in fact he has been cheating all along..."

Junmyeon shakes his head. "I am not angry at my friend but I am so disappointed in him."

"Hey my hands may be injured right now but I can still do other things.."

---END---

Y’ALL GIVE LOVE TO @loeyeolty for writing again after being slumped in life and work for months!!! 💖💖💖

[abrasife]

2, 3, 12

This got long.

What sort of things does your muse look for in a partner ? What sort of things does your muse avoid in a partner ?

Keith really doesn’t know exactly what he likes in people, nor does he know exactly what he dislikes. He assess each person individually and weighs the pros and cons of their personality as a special case of their own. The guy can’t make a call based on a list of traits or just by one sight of whoever he has to make an opinion on. He has to take time to get to know them personally and then figure things out if he so choses to. He would definitely feel more comfortable around positive people, people who have the decency to display common courtesy, tolerate his abrasive manner of speaking, and/or understand the meaning behind his phrasings (as he’s horrible at saying things in the least offensive way). Bonus points if they don’t even say anything bad upon finding out about his carpal tunnel/raynaud’s and just help him out when he needs it without shaming him, joking about it, making fun of him, or making light of the entire thing. He’s already ashamed and embarrassed by it, so having someone accept it without question would put him a bit at ease, yet he won’t be so quick to depend on them just because they know. Then again, this also applies to friendship, and every person will be judged on a platonic scale, not a romantic one. Romance/romantic interest is not something he’ll think much about unless his sister starts planting those seeds in his head or until he actually starts feeling the heart pounding nervousness. And even then, he’ll have a long stage of denial or trying to find other reasons for this anxiety.

He tries to stray away from developing feelings for people who constantly put him down or make him feel bad for whatever reason, yet part of him would actually settle for that because he’s actually getting some form of a relationship, some sort of attention and possibly affection, especially so if there are moments in which there is some kindness. The kid is super lonely, affection deprived, and usually severely lacking in social connections other than family (and that still is not enough because he really only gets his small doses of affection from Rachael). So whatever he can get ahold of, he’ll most likely try to keep it no matter how toxic it is, attempting to see the ‘goodness’ that might not even be there to begin with.

He’s done it before, and there’s a possibility he’d do it again.

What is your muse’s love language ?

Keith tends to be the type who shows gratitude and kindness by doing things for others, repaying favors, or making them something. Words tend to fail him with his abrasive/rude filter so he goes a route that he can properly express himself with and that is creative medium. However, that isn’t the case when it comes to romantic things.

When he actually does harbor feelings for someone, he’s more likely to go out of his way to stick around them and make excuses to hang out with them. He’ll take note of when their birthday is so he can gift them something handmade, and overall, he’ll try to be nicer (aka express himself in a less harsh/rude way). Of course, he’ll struggle really badly at first, but he gets better over time. Either way, the longer he knows someone no matter what relationship dynamic he has with them, the easier it is for that abrasiveness of his to die down and it’ll get to the point where he can talk without phrasing things rudely.

He might have thoughts about wanting to hold their hand or be close to them, but he’ll never act on it. There will be no lingering touches, but there might be secret glances and obvious jealously and constant denial of feelings because he doesn’t want to have them.

So, I guess his love language would favor 'quality time'.

[rogue-ai-cat]

I totally meant to reply to this back when it happened, but the last few weeks have been very busy and I kind of forgot. Forst of all, thank you. I really have been using this year just to figure out who I am, and just last week I decided to throw out half of my life and start over again. I’m redoing my “office” (which is just one side of my room) and getting back into embracing my love of computers. I finally cracked open the case and cleaned the monster (so called because it’s massive), but, as usual, it responded to my services by making scary noises.

My writing I can’t even make an excuse for. I’ve had the time, but I haven’t been using it. More often than not, it’s just been me staring down the document. However, I have been doing a lot of worldbuilding and such, so I haven’t been doing nothing.

The be silly part I think I needed to hear. I get so caught up in appearances, especially when I’ve been online for a while. I get so afraid of doing anything ‘cringey’. I’m reading a book that's helping with that, which I’ll come back to.

And I have been offline for most of the past week. I’ve been redecorating and planning and budgeting and doing things that I can see physical manifestations of, which are the things that mean the most to me. Anything that I can do and then hold in my hand or touch when I’m done with it is an amazing thing. Because of that, I’ve always been a bit more wired as a builder than a programmer. And since I can’t exactly see the mechanism of programming, it gets really confusing, and once we’re there it’s more frustrating than fun. If I could do the things I want to do without having to learn to code, that would be awesome, but it's just not gonna happen. I mean, my love for PCs isn’t a love for the program, it’s a love for the hardware. My love for AI isn’t as much about the program as it is about the way that a program learns, about how it does. It's more psychology to me than programming (which makes a lot of my coder friends annoyed when I say that). I know enough about code in theory, but in practice, it’s not there. It's like physics. I know a lot about quantum theory and the science behind it, but I don't touch the math. I’m not gifted like my father is with the ability to see that stuff.

As for the last bit, I enjoy the silence. I don’t like the constant stream of input, and I don't really get bored often. Actually, I think I do more genuine writing under stress than I do when not stressed. When I’m comfortable with things I get bored with them, and when I get bored with them I’m more likely to ignore them than do them, so being stressed out about something is what actually gets it done. For instance, this whole office remodel is because I’m developing carpal tunnel syndrome and the stress of having that going on is motivating me to get some quality of life shit dealt with. 

My writing usually comes about when I’m trying to write something else. I once wrote a 10 page fanfic at school during lunch and in the gaps at the beginning and ends of classes because I was worried about an in-class write the next day. The stress and the need to be in the writing mindset prompted writing. I also write a lot if I’m stressed about other things because it's preferable to being stressed. However, that one hasn’t put much on paper lately. It’s more become a semi maladaptive daydreaming, and that’s less useful. I’ll have to nail that one back down.

And I have been reading more. I’m slowly reading Adam Savage’s Every Tool is a Hammer and I cannot recommend that book enough to anyone who is an artist, writer, coder, builder, ANYTHING. If you make anything you need to read this book. That's all there is to it. And I’ve gotten so many ideas and had so many revelations from this book alone, and I’m barely a third of the way in. It’s so relieving to hear someone of such influence talking about the problems that defined my life as a child and still define my life now. I cried on the third page because I was so relieved that I wasn’t alone in the universe, that my creative struggles were understood, that my emotional struggles were understood... I mean, just to hear someone with that much influence admit to having the same insecurities as a maker and as a person that I have... I can’t explain how, but it was so uplifting. I just had this feeling like maybe I really can do this after all. It's absolutely a must-read.

Okay, so somehow I’ve convinced myself to hate all my hobbies and now I’m trying to figure out when/how this happened.

Like, I love computers and peripherals and gadgets and all that, but that hobby died because it got expensive and because I’m now at the point where I need to learn code languages and that progress has been REALLY slow.

And I love writing, but the catastrophe that is my writing blog is making me feel like the most horrible writer in the known universe. I know that my real problem is that I’m horrible at social media (and, as a Gen Z, that makes me pretty much useless to my generation).

I love drawing, but I got so good at digital art so damn fast that it now makes my hand drawings look like total garbage… and now my drawing program is acting up, so RIP digital art (for now).

I love making things, but I have no money and no resources, so fuck that.

I like cars, but… well, I’m a broke 19 y/o (woman) living in my parent’s apartment. I think the multiple problems with that one are all pretty obvious.

I tell myself I like planes, but really what I like is the idea of planes and the things about planes that are similar to the things I like about cars, which brings us back to some of the problems with cars.

I’m also a perfectionist with a thing against emotional investments, and literally, every single moment in and detail of my life has been, in some way, completely fucking ruined by one or both of those two things.

So now I’m an idiot with no life and no hobbies and nothing I can even tell myself I love anymore, so that’s great, Good. Fun. I didn’t ask to be in this world, and yet just existing costs money I don’t have and more emotional investment than I care to put towards anything. I’m starting to feel like I will never be able to afford, in any interpretation of the word, to be happy. Like, fuck this.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #344

“my whole existence is flawed”

Have you ever thought about becoming a crime scene investigator? No. Do you think you could win on Jeopardy? Not at all. What do you normally call your mother? (mommy, mom, mother, mum, etc.) Usually "Mom" or "Ma," sometimes "Mama." Does your significant other complain about the way you dress? I'm single, but I would never tolerate an s/o who complained about/told me how to dress. Like bye, fuck you. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Are you right now? No, thankfully. What would you do if a stranger smacked your ass and whistled? They're getting fucking punched. In the face. Do you know anyone who has died from cancer? Multiple people. Ever have to call the cops on someone? Not me personally, but my sister did while I was in the car with her due to a clearly drunk as fuck driver. Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of them? Hell no, I avoid changing even in front of my mother. Have you ever dated someone in secret? Dated, no. But Joel and I were a secret. What’s something you really want right now, be honest? What I really want right now is a job. What are you listening to right now? A slowed-down with reverb version of "Closer" by In This Moment. It's p hot. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes. What confuses you most? Why terrible things can happen to the most undeserving of people. Have you ever been called a bad influence? Yes. Not like she was a good one whatsoever. What's the weirdest compliment you've ever received? I don't know, really. Have you ever thought you could 'save' someone? No. It's funny, apparently Jason thought I could "save" him, and would'ja look at that, he scarred me for life. Do you prefer weed or cigs? I've never smoked either, but at least weed has benefits, so. What do your parents say about smoking? Well, my dad smokes like a chimney, but he does tell my sisters and me to absolutely never start it. Mom is very firm about us not smoking. She'd probably be heartbroken if any of us started. Do like kissing with tongue or without? I mean, that depends on the mood as well as how serious we are. What show is hilarious to you? That '70s Show absolutely cracks me up. Who last made you upset? My Dad and stepmom, ranting about how the Covid vaccine is being forced on us and is dangerous. I'm very much for it and am getting it myself soon, so I was just like... shut the fuck up. I just kept my lips zipped, but by god did I want to say something. Does he/she usually upset you? I sometimes regret having my stepmom on Facebook because of her shitty political views, but she in general doesn't upset me. I love her, really. Dad doesn't upset me, really. What would your parents do if you got a tattoo? They don't care, especially knowing how much I love them. What is your favorite musical? None. Do you have any interest in visiting Japan? Yeah, though I don't think it's something I'd go out of my way to do. If I had the opportunity though, I'd surely go. I would love to take photos there, and it's this odd desire of mine to visit Aokigahara Forest and just walk along the "safe" paths and just... feel it. I don't want to find any bodies because I think that would shatter me, I just want to allow myself to like, drown in empathy for all those that left their lives in those trees. I feel like I'd cry a LOT, because I'd prefer to do it alone and just talk to whoever may be able to hear from wherever they are now, and just let them know they're not forgotten or abandoned and that they were never alone. This is honestly getting me really emotional so I'm moving onto the next question. But in summary, I feel like it could honestly be a life-changing experience. What is your favorite Japanese name? I like A LOT of Japanese names I've heard, but they're all evading me now. Do you ever listen to Jpop? No. Who do you go to for advice? Mom or Sara. Have you ever ran a cash register? Yeah, when I worked at the dollar store. Have you ever worked as a server? No. Did you collect Bratz dolls when you were younger? I didn't collect them, no, but I shared a few with my sister. Do you think your mom is attractive? I think my mom's beautiful. Her smile especially puts gold to shame. She actually kinda broke down the other day because she thought she was ugly, and it just broke my damn heart. Do you like the feeling in your stomach on a big drop on a roller coaster? I've never been on a roller coaster and don't plan to try one, but I reeeaaally don't like that feeling in any situation. What is your most severe allergy? Pollen. How and when were you baptized, if applicable? I was baptized as a baby the traditional Catholic way. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? I think carving is more fun. Have you ever walked through a haunted house? One that was part of a Halloween attraction, yeah. What computer game did you used to play all the time? I played lots as a kid, but my favorite had to be I Spy: Spooky Mansion. My lil sis and I were obsessed. How do you feel about Motorhead? I don't love them, but I do enjoy some of their songs. I never thought Lemmy was that great of a vocalist, but I respect him as an artist and hope he rests in peace. What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever pulled a muscle? *shrugs* What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) If we're talking only real-world symbols and not ones that only exist in fantasy media, I actually think the Satanic (no, not inverted) cross is a cool design. It has nothing to do with my stance on Satanism, I just think it's an appealing look. What methods are most effective for you when you’re trying to relax? If I REALLY need relaxation, just leave me alone and let my put on earplugs and just like, disappear from the real world for a bit. Would you rather date your opposite, your ‘twin’, or someone in between? Someone in-between, I think. More similar to me though would be preferred versus someone that's my opposite. How many videos do you have favorited on your YouTube account? I think I'm actually at the max? I think they just get replaced with newer ones by now. Do you know anyone who has carpal tunnel syndrome? Me, actually. My older sister does, too, and actually had surgery for it. Which do you prefer: M&M’s, Skittles, or Reese’s Pieces? Reese's Pieces, but I love all three. If you could be the sidekick of a superhero which superhero would you pick? If I was Spiderman's sidekick, could I throw webs and zing around like a monkey too? ;_; I think being Batman's sidekick would be pretty cool too, seeing as to my knowledge he's more about stealth, which would be fun to go along with. Do you think that you could ever win a food eating contest? No fucking way. They gross me the hell out. What is your favorite thing about the country you live in? How much freedom we have here. Although, it can definitely be abused, and some people do abuse it... Have you ever snuck somebody into your house? No. Have you ever snuck into somebody else’s house? No. Honestly, have you ever thrown garbage out of the window of a car? No, and you fucking repulse me if you do. It is not that challenging to hold onto your shit until you get out of the car and find a trashcan. Honestly, have you ever stuck gum under a table or desk? No, that shit is disgusting. Just get your lazy ass up and spit it out. Which would you find more menacing: dinosaurs or dragons? Well, considering dragons can, you know, breathe fire... Can you name three different kinds of dinosaurs? Spinosaurus, allosaurus, stegosaurus. What’s the name of the last person you kissed? Sara. Is your heart broken at the moment? Nah. Who’s the last guy you argued with? I don't know. I avoid arguing with guys to the absolute best of my ability because I'm terrified of making them mad. What about the last girl? My mom. Would you marry the last person you kissed? Not at this current time, but later down the road of us both building ourselves up, I possibly would. Who’s the last person that asked you out? Girt. Out of all of your exes, who treated you the best? Sara. Who is the person you have hurt the most? My damn self. Who is the person that has hurt you the most? Jason. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? It feels like it sometimes, but when it really comes down to it, no, I don't. Who was the last baby you held? My niece Emerson. Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler. Did your parents do drugs when they were younger? My dad did quite a lot before us kids were born, apparently. I can guess pretty damn easily that Mom made him cut that shit out before having my sisters and me. Mom, to my knowledge, has never tried anything at all. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? No. Did you cry at your high school graduation? I remember I teared up slightly. What was the last non-papery substance you drew on? I have no idea. Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) No. What do you beat yourself up about the most? I'm 25 fucking years old and have never had a stable job or just felt "adult" in general. Which has hurt you more: friendship break-ups or bf/gf break-ups? The breakup with Jason, who was my boyfriend, so. What’s the most terrifying thing you’ve ever done? Gone to a mental hospital. The first time was so, so scary. What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? I don't know. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Have you ever been mistreated by a cop? No. Have you ever experimented with any sort of witchcraft? No. Which animals are you afraid of? Some bugs and spiders, and whale sharks are a phobia of mine. I also find giant squid to be terrifying, but also very intriguing. Oh yeah, then there's my extreme aversion to maggots and similar larvae. Did you pray to God when you were a child? Usually. Mom raised us to, but some nights I slacked with it and just wanted to sleep. What is your favorite flavor of frosting? Maaan, don't make me choose. What color is your skin naturally? Very pale. Do you own a pocketknife, or any other kind of multi-tool? No. What was the last thing you took a video of? I have no idea. I have no recordings on my phone, so. Have you ever been somewhere where you didn’t fluently speak the local language? No. Have you ever had famous neighbors? No. Do you have any medication that you keep with you at all times? Yeah, one of my anxiety meds. What are some things a house would need to have for you to purchase it? Besides the very obvious, mine has to have a dishwasher. I. HATE. Washing dishes by hand. Do you own a pet spider? No, but I DESPERATELY want some tarantulas. :( I've tried convincing her, but Mom's very adamant about the fact I will NOT own one so long as I live with her. I also love jumping spiders and attempted to convince her about one of those versus a tarantula, but still, answer's a firm no, haha. Do you call your animals “baby names”? Well duh. Have you ever been stood up? No. Do you own a fishtank? No. Do you like the song “Barbie Girl”? God no. I'll sing it jokingly, though, because y'know, childhood and all. Do you own a feather boa? No. We did at one point, though. A hot pink one. Are you allergic to peanuts? No. Do you wear ribbons in your hair? No, my hair's too short for that. I never did, though. Do you use cheat codes on video games? I generally only use codes that you can actually earn in the game for like, new outfits or weapons in subsequent playthroughs. I won't use the kinds of codes that make you invulnerable and stuff, but rather just fun little cosmetics and such. Have you ever gone mudding on a fourwheeler? Ugh, no. I don't like getting dirty, so that is NOT my kind of fun. What is your favorite flavor Jolly Rancher? Watermelon. Have you ever played Dance Dance Revolution? Of course! We had the dance mat as kids and loved to play the games. What is the last thing you dropped? I don't really remember. Have you ever done the “Cupid Shuffle?” Yeah, at school dances and such. Do you know how to do the Soulja Boy dance? Haha omg, I did as a kid. My friend, sister, and I all learned it. How long has it been since you’ve eaten a Reese’s? My mom actually got me a Reese's egg for Easter, so not long ago at all.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #107

“i love everything you do, when you call me fuckin’ dumb for the stupid shit i do.”

The beach or the pool?  The pool.  Cleaner, less risk, no sand. Do you have many internet friends?  Most of my friends are online. Do you think those friendships are on level with your real life ones?  Shit, I'm closer to some online friends more than I am "real" ones. Did you name all of your dolls and stuffed animals?  I think I might've...  I know I named the ones I really loved. Is your middle name plain?  Pretty sure it's one of the most common middle names. Do you like Resident Evil games?  RE4 is in my top 10 fave games.  I've played some of the original RE, but I didn't like it.  Controls were awful and I didn't find the story all that interesting.  I played like the first 30 minutes of RE6 with Jason, but for some reason we never finished it?  I'd love to play more, even though I've heard it was terrible.  Def wanna play the 7th too bc Leon is love.  Eeeeven though I heard that one was awful, too. What would you say is your WORST phobia?  I actually recently found out what pisanthrophobia (fear of trusting people due to negative, past relationships) is, and it is 100% that. Do you wish your last name was more interesting? Sure, I don't like my last name. If you wrote a novel, would you give the characters ordinary names?  Some would be, some wouldn't be. What’s your favorite leaf color?  Orange. Have you ever had a close friend get knocked up early?  I don't know why the term "knocked up" is annoying to me, but whatever.  Anyway, no. Have you yourself ever gotten close to getting pregnant? No. If you were to get pregnant as a teen, what would happen? Have the baby and give it up for adoption. Do you have any pictures of you kissing someone? A few exist, but I no longer have any. Are you afraid of needles?  No.  I mean the idea of getting a deep shot is unpleasant, but I'm not afraid of them. Do you find piercing attractive or unattractive? It really depends on the piercing and the person, but usually attractive. What's your most popular post? I actually made a gif of Chica and Mark almost two months ago (this isn't my main blog obvs.) that took way too long and Mark actually reblogged it (he controls his own social media) and????  A whale-like sob escaped from the very core of my soul?????  And I couldn't sleep for two days?????? Manga or anime?  Anime, I don't read.  I've never read manga, actually. A card game that you're good at? None. Favorite flavors of ice cream?  My favorite is vanilla with chocolate syrup, but I also like plain chocolate or moose tracks. Have you ever overcome a disease that was life-threatening and, if so, which one?  No. Have you ever sent a text to the wrong person? Yes, but thankfully nothing embarrassing.  I've come close, though. Do you like Subway?  Yes, but I always get the same thing there. Would you rather lose your best friend or your boyfriend? *girlfriend, but I'd rather lose my other best friend. Have you ever dated someone in secret?  My relationship now is secret to most people in my face-to-face life.  I mean I wouldn't lie if I was asked, but I'm not going to tell most people otherwise for a few reasons. Do you ever send people good morning texts?  Sara, sometimes. Do you kiss your pets? I kiss Teddy.  I would happily kiss Venus is it wasn't for salmonella. Would your parents approve of you dating someone of a different race? Yes. How old is the oldest person you know? Hm... I'm not sure.  Maybe this woman my mom used to watch; I met her once, and she was such a sweetie.  I think she was almost 90. Have you ever had to put your hand over someone’s mouth to keep them quiet?  Yes. Do you have an accent?  People tell me I don't really have one, even people from outside the state, but with some words, people can tell I'm from the south. Do you own any figurines? Of what? I have one of a small dragon. How long does it usually take you to get to sleep?  Now that I take Melatonin, like, 15-20 minutes I'd guess. What was the last picture you took with your phone?  My dog because he was being precious. Do you have trouble waking up in the morning? What gets you up and awake? I tend to lie there for a while, so kinda?  And I just get up once I'm not incredibly drowsy. What is one thing you and your best friend have in common physically? With Colleen, we both have blue eyes, with Sara, we both have brown hair. Now based on your interests, what is one thing you both have in common?  Sara, we both love reptiles, with Colleen... Jesus, like nothing. Where do your grandparents live? Florida (but she stays in New York a lot) and Michigan. When is the last time you went out to dinner with a friend? Where did you go? Who paid?  Earlier this month with Dad.  We went to a Mexican restaurant whose name I can't remember.  Aaaand I hate Mexican food. Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up?  Not really.  Too much work. What’s your ideal first date?  Don't have one.  Plenty of things can be fun with different people with different interests. If you type for awhile, do your fingers start to hurt?  Boi step yo game up that's some amateur shit *doesn't mention how I have carpal tunnel so my wrist disagrees* Chinese or Mexican food?  Hate Mexican food and don't like much Chinese, but Chinese. Are you the type of person who would study for a test for hours?  No.  I'm not willing to invest THAT much time into studying. Do you hate when you’re in a good mood and one person ruins your mood?  Ha, yeah.  People can do that easily for me. What’s worse: Rude people, two faced people or fake people?  Rude or two-faced. Does your house have a doorbell?  Shit, does it? o_o  I don't think so... Do you know someone who has dropped out of high school?  A few. Has your Facebook ever been hacked?  I don't think so. Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook?  I love Tumblr so much help I didn't want this. Do you have any quotes on your bedroom walls?  The serenity prayer, yes. Do you wear earrings?  Ugh no because all of mine are silver, which I'm allergic to.  I want to get gold or surgical steel ones so I can actually wear them, I like earrings. Is your WiFi protected?  Yes. Does your phone have a cover on it?  No, but I'd like one. Would you ever lie about your past?  Already am about some things to people in my "real" life. Some say that high school is the best time of your life. Was that true for you? It was in some ways, others not. Is it good to have pride in your own race or does that separate people from each other because it makes them think of everyone else as ‘outsiders’?  It's perfectly fine to feel proud of your race as long as you don't look down on others. What’s the bravest or most daring thing you have ever done? Shit, probably speak my mind to my mom since she's scary as fuck when I disagree with her. Who owes you an apology? A number of people. Who deserves an apology from you? My dad deserves another, for one. Is a prenuptial agreement necessary or does it take the romance and trust out of marriage? Fucking destroys trust, imo. Know of any conspiracy theories you think might be credible?  Not off the top of my head.  I do find the theory of the moon landing being fake very interesting and there is some compelling evidence, but I still believe it was real.  It's my fave theory, though. How do you go about losing weight?  I don't eat nearly enough most days. What is the worst mistake you’ve ever made? Overdosing.  I mean it led to my recovery, but I could've achieved that in a different way. Are you patriotic?  Not especially, but I don't hate America either. When you ask people how they are doing you actually care about their answer or is it just polite?  Yes, I care. Would you consider yourself to be very polite?  In most ways, yes. Which group generally annoys you more, people older than you, or people younger than you?  Younger. What do you think of crop circles?  They're interesting, but I don't blame them on aliens. Have you ever written graffiti on anything?  Nope. Should birth control be taught in high school? How about in jr. high or elementary school?  Around 4th/5th grade. Some kids start having sex early, and it's about this time where a girl can get pregnant. Do you use bad grammar or hate bad grammar?  I only ever use it sarcastically or comedically. Last time you fed your pets? My mom always feeds all the dogs simultaneously, and Venus hasn't wanted to eat since I got her.  If she doesn't eat by mid-November, then I'll be concerned (already kinda am). Do you know/ have you met your significant other’s ex?  I know Sara's online but obviously never "met" him. What do you think about censorship in music?  I honestly think both versions should exist.  Some people don't like profanity and I don't believe children should hear it. Do you have any of your teachers on MySpace/Facebook?  I have a few. Have you seen your family tree? Someone made one, but I've never seen it. What are you most likely to do first in the morning; grab a cup of coffee, have a cigarette, or use the bathroom?  Use the bathroom.  I don't smoke and I hate coffee. What are you most likely to do when you are upset; talk to somebody you’re close to, cry yourself to sleep, or bottle it up inside?  I've finally learned how to talk to someone. What are you most likely to do if you get drunk; pick fights, hook up with people, or socialize with anybody & everybody? Never been drunk, but apparently I'm seriously giggly and social when I'm tipsy. What are you most likely to pick if you got to choose your topic on a research paper; drug abuse, mental illness, or the death penalty? Oh, I can write a damn novel on mental illness. What are you most likely to do if there are no good surveys floating around at the time; make some new surveys for yourself & everyone else to take, bitch & complain about how there are no good surveys then take a survey you don’t even feel like taking, or go find something else to do besides taking surveys?  Oh hun.  I get surveys from about a billion sources so I will never run out. *cackles* Do you hold grudges or forgive easily? If someone is truly sorry, I forgive easily. In a relationship, how important are looks? I don't care.  I care about your personality.  Sure, it's nice to be attracted physically to your s/o, but it's not a determining factor on whether I date you or not. Do you have to know someone for a while before you will date them?  I mean I won't date someone too quickly, no, but we don't have to have known each other for months or anything.  Jason and I started dating I don't even think two weeks after meeting, and we had a great relationship for almost four years 'til the end. What do you consider the greatest threat to mankind?  Hm, deep question... probably lack of compassion. Describe your music taste in one word:  Consistent. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, where would you go to hide?  Ideally a brick building or something likewise. Who’s your favorite character on That '70s Show? AHHHHH I LOVE THAT SHOW!!  Probably Hyde.  Maybe Kitty.  But I love them all omg <3  All the characters are SO memorable. Do you fangirl/fanboy over anyone?  hahahahahahahhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Have you ever said 'I love you’ and didn’t mean it?  I've said it back to Mom when I feel that I didn't, though I know I did. Use one word to describe your last kiss. Awkward. How much is gas where you live? Two-something.  Mid twos. What has caused you to reinvent yourself or reevaluate who you are? Absolutely Holly Hill.  It saved my life.  I looked at my situation in a totally different light. Short, knee, or ankle skirts?  I tend to aesthetically like those that are a little above the knee. What couldn’t you live your life without? My mom.  I don't think I'd survive.  She's the one who makes sure I keep myself on the right path. Would you be on that who wants to marry a millionaire show as a contestant?  1.) Why the fuck would I marry someone just for money and 2.) why the fuck would I want to go into a relationship with someone I just met. Is it easier to live when you’re evil? Sure, no remorse. <<< Yeah. Have you ever given blood?  Once. Are you a miracle? I consider every single life a miracle; it's the source of one tattoo I have.  This world being created and adapted as it has is miraculous enough, and then the odds of you exactly being conceived is SO fucking rare. Can musicians be held responsible for influencing people to behave badly?  No.  People make their own choices, lyrics don't change that. What annoys you the most about yourself?  I immediately assume the worst end result of any situation. Is it better for people to change and evolve their ideas or always be consistent?  It depends on the belief. Do you want a girl or a boy as your first born?  I don't want kids, but if I did, definitely a girl. Do you have any embarrassing usernames?  Eh, don't like some anymore, but no. Have you ever scratched yourself until your skin was raw?  I have six long scars on my left shin (one being the worst scar on my body) and four more mild ones on my right front scratching the fuck out of them after I shave and then shower.  I don't know why the fuck it happens, but it's awful.  Even lotion doesn't really help. What is the longest essay or research paper you have written?  Ten or so pages. Do you worry about being judged by other people?  I shouldn't be but I'm heavily concerned with it. If someone doesn’t like you, do you usually want to know the reason?  Duh.  I want to know if it's petty or something I can improve on. Can you do a flip on a trampoline?  I used to do front flips, but I was too scared to do back flips because I had this intense fear of breaking my neck or something.  Stopped entirely because of that fear. Does your doctor freak you out?  She doesn't freak me out, she's just unfriendly. Does it annoy you when people’s eyebrows are a different color than hair?  Don't care. Has your grandma ever cussed in front of you before?  More like at me.  But in front of me, too, once or twice. What primary color is your Christmas tree?  Green.  I want a black one, man, but since it's a family thing, it's obviously not just up to me. What’s the best camera brand?  I think it's technically Canon. Where do you go fishing at?  Dad and I haven't gone in forever, but it was pretty much always somewhere on the Tar River or Sapony Creek. How old were your parents when you were born?  Uhhh I don't have my parents' ages memorized, but Mom was around 35 and Dad's one year younger than her. Is there one song that you know all the lyrics to? A decent number, yeah. Has a cat/dog ever thrown up on your bed?  Omg no I'd never sleep on that bed again pretty much. Have you ever had a concussion? Ugh, yes.  Can't even explain how bad it was. Have you seen the movie "The Dark Knight?"  You can't date the world's biggest Joker fan and not at some point. Do you know anyone who has a pet gecko? Summer has a leopard gecko and he's super-duper cute. Is there an animal that you’re afraid of? Maggots and slugs are the worst, whale sharks, some spiders and bugs. Kissed someone who was a really bad kisser?  Tbh. Gotten in trouble for public displays of affection? OKAY SO.  Jason and I used to ride the bus home together and one day I was falling asleep in his lap, and he was too.  Our friends were joking around and yelled something along the lines of us being too affectionate, so the bus driver came back to see what was up, and she looked so confused when she saw we were just trying to sleep lmao.  But she still told us to just sit next to each other.  Looking back on it, it was funny. Do you get bad hangovers?  Never had one. Have you ever sent a friend request to someone who you thought was someone different? No but true shit the only reason I accepted Jason's friend request was because I thought he was a different Jason lmao. Have you ever chatted with someone on webcam?  No because it's awkward as fuck.  Wait.  I did once with Jason.  Never again.  Jeez, three questions I've mentioned him in the last four ones.  Ew. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s cube? I ain't got the patience for that shit. Are you embarrassed/uncomfortable dancing in front of other people? YUP.  One reason why I don't. Do you ever drink directly from beverage containers because you don’t want to dirty a cup? No, because I don't want other people drinking my backwash??  This is such a backwards question. If you carry a purse, roughly how big is it? What do you carry in it? It's small.  Phone, iPod, wallet, keys, hand sanitizer, a few other miscellaneous things I may need. Of all the pets you have had throughout your life, which one has meant the most to you? Is there a reason why?  My current dog Teddy.  He's an absolute angel that adores me probably even more than I adore him.  He's been an important part of my life for 11 years, and I could never love a literal child more. Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? My mom 'cuz she'd kill a bitch. Is love a commitment to one person, or can you love more than one person at the same time?  I believe it's totally possible to be interested in more than one people, but love?  Only one.  I believe loving someone is about putting him/her above all others. What is your favorite kind of incense?  Omg I had this one, red incense that smelled fucking AMAZING, but I don't remember what it was called! D: Who is the most immature person you know?  *winks @ Sara* Do you read your friend’s surveys? Yes, because it's a cool way to learn usually miscellaneous things about them you wouldn't have known. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick?  I wouldn't want to get one tomorrow, actually.  I want to get a Markiplier tattoo I designed for Christmas, and I'm going to estimate it'll be around $150-$200 (I'm not good at estimating tat prices, so take that with a grain of salt), so I want to be sure we have money for that first.  Literally the only thing I'm asking for for Christmas, I just don't ask for much anymore. How do you feel about band tattoos?  I'm not against them or anything, but I'm not sure I'll ever get one. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Opposite or same, lip piercings. What brand of hair dye do you prefer to use? Splat is the only kind that's ever actually made the color stick for months.  Won't use anything but that anymore. Would you ever get your hips pierced?  No, seems painful as fuck and dangerous with pants and all, and I'm not skinny enough to look good with them. Have you ever gone to court? Not for a "real" trial, but I did have to give my reasoning as to why I felt I should be discharged from the hospital earlier (I think they wanted me there a month) to a judge, and it was one of the most nerve-wracking things ever.  I did win the case, though. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?  No.  I'm not necessarily scared of sharks and even believe they're immensely misunderstood, but I don't trust a shark enough to swim with it. Do you like sushi? I can pretty much guarantee I'd absolutely loathe it.  Never trying. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you? Relapsing.  I will fucking not go through that again. Who is your favorite visual artist?  NukeRooster and Culpeo-Fox of dA.  Their styles are super recognizable and just wonderful.  I actually want a tattoo of one of NukeRooster's pieces ("Denialism") and actually got her permission, but it would be INCREDIBLY expensive with how intricate it is, so it's gonna be a looooong time 'til that happens. How old were you when you figured out what you wanted to do for a career?  Lmao last month, so 21. Is there anyone with whom you would like to be better friends? A LOT of people.  Mostly online friends, but some irl too. Who was the last person you cried in front of?  Mom. Do you like pretzels?  I have a massive preference for soft ones, but I'll eat either. Do any of your friends have children?  My best friend's pregnant and I have some friends I used to be closer to who have young kids. Would you rather cry in public or make someone else cry in public?  I'd rather cry, but either would suck. Would you rather re-live today forever or not live?  I have absolutely zero desire for immortality. Have you ever truly thought you knew who you were going to marry?  Yeah. Who was the last person of the opposite sex to be in your bedroom?  I actually don't think a guy has ever been in this bedroom...  Well, maybe save for when people were helping us move in, but I don't remember. Do you like kissing in public?  Only if it's just a simple peck. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?  I don't think either is "better" than the other. Four guys/girls whom you find attractive:  1.) Mark Fischfuck, 2.) Link Neal, 3.) Hannah Hart is like my biggest female celeb crush, 4.) uhhh... I'm not really sure.  Maybe Johnny Depp? What is your definition of cheating? As soon as you're flirting with someone else in an obviously non-playful way, you're cheating. Do you tend to go for older or younger when looking for someone to date? Older guys for maturity, no preference with girls. When do you want to get married?  I don't have a specific time in mind.  I don't want kids, so it's not like I'm racing the biological clock. Describe your personality in 3 words or less:  Really Fucking Awkward™ What size bed do you have?  Queen How many friends do you have?  Very few that I consider "friends," really.  Around like 10, and most I include are more like... a bit higher than acquaintances, but not really "friends?" What's the worst thing you have ever done?  It's something I don't talk about because it's humiliating to think I've done it. What is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)  Dry as actual fuck. Are you going to change your last name when you get married?  If I marry a man, yes.  If I maybe a girl, depends on whose name sounds better with whose last name lol. What is your phone background?  Lock screen, Mark Fischbach, home screen, the magic sigil from "Shadow of the Colossus." Have you taken self-defense classes?  No, but I should.  Particularly with how much I distrust people. What are you known for among your friends? Being very quiet. The person you would never want to meet? A rapist.  For someone who's never even been harassed, I am fucking terrified of them and rape in general to the point my mother and therapist have asked multiple times if I've ever been molested. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? The divorce.  I would say the breakup, but that, in the end, had an amazing effect on me. Have you ever built a snowman?  Yeah. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?  Vanilla, but sometimes I'm in the mood for chocolate. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?  The picture I did of one of my RP OC's scars to demonstrate how it looked since it was hard to describe. What do you think about babies?  I'm very uncomfortable around them and feel like I can just touch them and they'll break.  And unlike, like, everyone, I don't find newborn/very young babies cute. What is the effect on you of having people physically nearby, if they’re not interacting with you? AWKWARD AS FUCK I GET SO UNCOMFORTABLE.  Like whenever my mom sits on the couch (it's directly outside my door), I have to close it because her being able to see me and me being able to see her is awkward to me.  If I'm sitting in the front seat of a car with someone, I need music on. Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep?  I do that a LOT. Have you ever experienced something paranormal? I feel I have at least twice. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic?  I don't know.  You don't get AWFUL traffic jams in this part of NC, but we've definitely waited a while. Best field trip experience? The zoo in 5th grade!!  Saw meerkats for the first time and I was fucking ecstatic. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one?  Sometimes I don't go on for days, and if I do, I go through my news feed once and am done. What is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced? Maybe this one time when we still lived in Sharpsburg...  Mom came to get us from our friend's house, which was maybe like 15 minutes away, and I was having an absolute panic attack. Favorite episode of Spongebob?  Hm.  Maybe the Slasher one.  Or the pizza one. What bug frightens you most?  Rhinoceros beetles and wasps. Do you hate your weight? Yup.  But it's getting better. What do you usually order on a pizza?  Jalapeno from Domino's, pepperoni from Little Caesar's because their jalapeno is too hot for even me. What is one thing that the Titanic has taught you?  Don't go on a ship in a fucking arctic ocean. What is one thing you dislike about sheep? Why? I'm going to assume they smell bad?  But otherwise, I love sheep, they're super cute. What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct?  That I love Mark, Rhett, and Link more than I love myself & they're probably right lmao. Do you sleep with your door closed or open? It's usually open, but I sometimes close it because Bentley annoys the fuck out of me because he comes into my room just to scratch himself relentlessly and get more fur in my room than there already is.  Like he ALWAYS comes to my room just to do this shit.  It's most annoying just because he's obnoxiously loud when he does this and I'm trying to sleep. Do you sometimes need help opening water bottles, Gatorade bottles, etc.? YUP.  My hands are extremely soft, so it hurts easily. What would you say is your number one priority in life right now?  My mental health, 100%. Are you someone who has to hide the things you like around friends? I don't have to, no, but I ABSOLUTELY do.  I'm way too easily embarrassed about what I'm passionate about.  But for some reason I'm not online. Do you like word or picture tattoos better? It depends on the style, how well it is done, and the placement. <<< This. When will your driver’s license expire?  My permit expires in December. If you did, did you have to get a Tetanus shot?  I think?  Isn't that a required vaccination? What color lipstick do you think looks best on you?  Black.  I think me being so pale actually makes it look nice on me. Do you prefer pastel colors or dusty colors? Forests or beaches? Strawberries or bananas? Pastels, forests, strawberries. Do you prefer sunshine or moonlight? Gardening or baking? Flowers or succulents?  Moonlight, neither, uhhh flowers maybe.  Or maybe the latter.  Idk. Do you use emojis when you text or type online?  No, I use emoticons.  It's a fucking miracle if I ever use an emoji. Do you like playing games by yourself or with other people? If you're talking about video games, usually alone. Do you prefer honey or jam? Roses or sunflowers? Oatmeal or cereal?  Jame, roses, probably cereal. Give me a random word in another language. Tell me what it means.  "Erdmännchen" is German for "meerkat." A romantic meal, a trip to a theme park, or go to a concert? Concert, dude. When was the last time you had an alcoholic beverage?  Two months ago because Mom felt like getting Smirnoff's and apparently we have the same favorite (the Jamaican one) and she laughed "well you better drink it before me or Nicole do" so we shared two. Do you believe you'll find someone better than who you're with now?  Honest opinion, I think she's perfect for me.  So finding someone better would surprise me. Do you like pineapple?  YES Would you ever smoke?  No.  I don't fancy cancer, bad breath, and a likely addiction. What was the first thing you are/were excited to do upon turning 21?  Even when I got out of the hospital, I did nothing to celebrate.  There wasn't really anything I looked forward to besides just legally being an adult. You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?  I don't ever want to be drunk considering I don't like the idea of not having a full grip on myself but if that was to ever hypothetically happen, it'd be Colleen, I'm sure. Do you like hickeys?  If they're not obvious. Do you always answer your texts?  If I have nothing to say, no. Do people ever call you by your last name?  No, I'd hate that.  I don't like my last name, plus it's masculine. What do you most like about making out?  It's just a passionate experience. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?  Huh.  Kinda split according to history. Are you too shy to ask someone out?  Apparently not. If an attractive person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? 1.) Looks are whatever and 2.) I'm not an ass, and even if they broke up, I wouldn't date a disloyal person. Is it hard for you to imagine life away from your hometown?  I don't live in my hometown already. Do you expect to move out in the next year?  That'd be pretty much miraculous. Name something you have always wanted and never got.  An iguana, for one. Do you want a small or big wedding?  I'm sure it'll be pretty small.  I'm not close to enough people to want them to come, but it obviously also depends on who my s/o wants to come. Do you actually participate in gym class, or just stand there? Participated considering you couldn't graduate without it.  Which was fucking stupid. Have you ever found yourself worrying about commitment?  I've never had that fear. Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? I'd like to, but I doubt it. Do you have unlimited texting? Yes. Have you ever slept a whole day away?  Accidentally and I had a massive panic attack because it totally screwed me up. Do you like those ramen noodles?  I actually really dislike ramen.  There was this one spicy kind, though, that I essentially survived off of in the apartment, and it was good.  Don't remember the name, though. What’s your favorite song by Daughtry? "No Surprise" Do you make good first impressions?  I honestly doubt I do because I'll just make it fucking awkward because I'll be uncomfortable. Are you ashamed of your past?  Many parts of it. Name all the social networking sites you use: Just Tumblr and Facebook. Do you watch "The Walking Dead"?  No. Are raisins good?  Omg no.  Disgusting. Do you get cold easily?  I get hot easier. Have either of your parents gone to jail?  No. Do you think homosexuality (anything beside heterosexual) is a choice? I personally believe it's a mutation considering it defies the biological plan, BUT a mutation does not equate to being wrong.  I fully support it.  I don't believe it's a choice either because you can't force yourself to be sexually attracted to a certain gender. Do you wax, pluck, or leave your eyebrows?  Leave them.  Mom takes Nicole and me to get ours waxed for only special occasions.  There's really just no point. Do you like guns? NO.  I'm not into extreme gun control and overall do support the 2nd Amendment (but with some degree of improved control), but I'm personally horrified of them and never want to touch one.  They hold way too much power. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? I keep Venus' light on. What do you think of mosh pits?  Seems pretty stupid, honestly.  I've never heard of someone not being in pain after a mosh pit. Do you wear hoop earrings or studs more?  Eh, kinda tied. Have you ever had stitches?  Twice. Does heat seem to drain you of your energy?  Completely. Who do you think has it harder in terms of expectations regarding physical appearance: men, or women?  Elaborate on your choice? Women, easily.  We have an absolute novel of societal expectations. Who is the most emotionally strong person that you know?  I have a number of people in mind, but I don't know about most. Do you feel comfortable staying over at other people's houses for the night? I have to know the person very well. Or would you rather they stayed over at yours?  No, my place is boring as fuck. Do you spend time online when your friends are over?  I'll twiddle on my phone if we're doing nothing, but I don't use my laptop. Do you spend [too much] time texting when you’re around others? No, I try to refrain from texting when I'm with friends. Who was the “bad guy” in the last book you read? That I finished, Ner'zhul was the "main" one if we're being technical, but Arthas was a villain as well. Are you an insomniac? I officially do have insomnia.  I now have to take Melatonin every night if I at all hope to sleep.