#also brad is the best bff

[rubilune]

Cheng Xiaoshi: There are some things beyond our understanding. We must accept them and learn from them. Because these moments of crisis are also potential moments of faith. A time, when we either come together or fall apart. Nature always has a way of balancing itself. The only question is, what part will we play?

Lu Guang: Did you just make that up?

Cheng Xiaoshi: No. I read it in a fortune cookie once.

Lu Guang:

Cheng Xiaoshi: A really long fortune cookie.

Lu Guang: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.

Lu Guang: *waves his finger and sings like they're in a Disney Channel intro*

Lu Guang after seeing Cheng Xiaoshi die once again:

Cheng Xiaoshi: Why is Qiao Ling making me do the dishes again? You haven’t washed them in a week, Lu Guang!

Lu Guang: It’s because I’m Qiao Ling’s favorite.

Cheng Xiaoshi: I hate you.

Lu Guang, also known as a universe destroyer for his 100% platonic bff: Why would you wanna save the galaxy? It's full of idiots anyway.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Because I'm one of the idiots that lives in it!

Lu Guang: Are you sure

Cheng Xiaoshi: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

Lu Guang: It was me...

Cheng Xiaoshi: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

This could work either way but I have you know what in mind

Lu Guang: I have an idea.

Qiao Ling: A good idea?

Lu Guang: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Lu Guang after deciding he's not going to be left hoeless

Lu Guang: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way?

Cheng Xiaoshi: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you?

Qiao Ling: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

Cheng Xiaoshi: Now, if I may speak for good-looking people everywhere...

Qiao Ling: Only as their rodeo clown.

In my defense all I'll say is that they are so siblings, your honor

Someone irrelevant, to Qiao Ling: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up!

Qiao Ling: *proceeds to kick them in the shin and run away*

Lu Guang, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Qiao Ling cute or small.

I support the feral and armed with medical equipment Qiao Ling Agenda

Qiao Ling: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Captain Xiao: Wasn’t Cheng Xiaoshi with you?

Cheng Xiaoshi: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once (several times) and it offends me.

Is the following one in character? No did the idea make me laugh? Yes.

Captain Xiao: *double checking supplies in the boat* Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.

Qiao Ling: Hot dog costumes!

Captain Xiao: I’m sorry, what?

Qiao Ling: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Lu Guang, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Lu Guang hates hot dogs, so they probably won’t eat us.

Captain Xiao: Are you saying that Lu Guang would rather eat us than hot dogs?

Lu Guang: I do hate hot dogs.

Qiao Ling: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.

Cheng Xiaoshi: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

Cheng Xiaoshi: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.

Lu Guang: I’m worried about you.

Cheng Xiaoshi: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Qiao Ling: Strong.

Captain Xiao: Weak.

Lu Guang: An idiot, is what your are.

Lu Guang: And here we see Qiao Ling and Cheng Xiaoshi in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh.

Qiao Ling: Gaelic bread.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Grueling brad.

Qiao Ling: Ha ha, glamorous beans.

Sibling behavior

Qiao Ling: Seriously, all you do is bitch.

Lu Guang: I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation.

He actually does

In my mind Captain Xiao is actually now their parent

Captain Xiao: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you.

Captain Xiao: Ask me to kill for you.

Cheng Xiaoshi: ...First of all, calm down-

What I will always love about this man is he didn't even know them for more than a couple times and yet he never hesitated on helping them

Cheng Xiaoshi: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Cheng Xiaoshi: And I started thinking.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Like, it was just trying to get food.

Cheng Xiaoshi: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Captain Xiao: Are you ok?

He isn't

Lu Guang: We all have our demons.

Lu Guang, grabbing Cheng Xiaoshi: This one’s mine.

And he isn't letting go

Cheng Xiaoshi: I regret nothing!!!

Lu Guang: I regret everything!!!

*insert the same old joke*

Cheng Xiaoshi: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Lu Guang!

Lu Guang: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

Lu Guang after the 3rd time travel:

Qiao Ling: You need a hobby.

Cheng Xiaoshi: I have a hobby!

Qiao Ling: Fawning over Lu Guang isn’t a hobby.

Cheng Xiaoshi after calling Lu Guang handsome for the 100th time

Qiao Ling: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.

Here I am again with my feral Qiao Ling agenda. I regret nothing

Cheng Xiaoshi: Lu Guang, you’ve tried 37 times and you’ve failed every time. Give it a break.

Lu Guang: DO I HEAR “FIRST TRY PART 38?”

I don't even have to repeat the joke do I?

Cheng Xiaoshi, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK??

Cheng Xiaoshi, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW!

Tbh, I don't think he'd ever get a driving license in the first place, it would be too much of a hazard, but it is nice to dream

Captain Xiao: What's the most efficient way to burn calories?

Qiao Ling: Exercise more!

Cheng Xiaoshi: Set yourself on fire.

Lu Guang: There are two kinds of people.

Captain Xiao: *shatters a window and climbs through it*

Captain Xiao: *turns around and helps Cheng Xiaoshi through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Cheng Xiaoshi.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Okay.

*out grocery shopping*

Lu Guang: *takes a free sample twice*

Lu Guang: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.

I find that to be a bigger crime than breaking the entire universe tbh. At least in that he hasbhis homosexual tendencies to back him up

Captain Xiao: How do you type so fast?

Cheng Xiaoshi: Anxiety.

Lu Guang: What do I get?

Cheng Xiaoshi: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Lu Guang: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Cheng Xiaoshi: It won't be me.

Lu Guang: I'll get my coat.

The joke will never get old will it? (It has, like 4 jokes ago, but I'm so unfunny I can't think of another one)

Qiao Ling: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test!

Cheng Xiaoshi: Ok, Qiao Ling, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918?

Qiao Ling: 1917.

Cheng Xiaoshi: ...You're ready.

I love them a healthy amount

[hairpintvrns]

IVANA 'VANYA' LI. 30. she/her.

VITALS.

FULL NAME: ivana li

NICKNAME: vanya. van. vali. vee. anything v-sounding. like va—[sirens]

GENDER & PRONOUNS: cis woman, she/her

AGE / DOB: 30 / march 8, 1994 (pisces ☼ aries ☾ aries ↑)

OCCUPATION: it coordinator at blue harbor high school / freelancer

NEIGHBORHOOD: cardinal hill

LENGTH OF TIME IN BLUE HARBOR: local — moved 2007, left 2012, returned 2018

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single

SEXUALITY: lesbian

CHARACTER INSPIRATIONS: poppy li (mythic quest), root (person of interest), penelope stamp (the brothers bloom), gwen sanders (the english teacher), wilhelmina pang (saving face), brad bakshi (mythic quest), ivan (intermezzo), vanya (brothers karamazov), tbd!

SUMMARY. ( note: substance abuse, mental health )

ivana (henceforth vanya!!!!) is the only daughter of marlene, a public school teacher, and ivan, a "man in uniform"—she doesn't know what he does for a living, if at all—who left the family when vanya was three years old. born and raised in her early years in some suburb of reno, nevada, the mother and daughter lived a relatively quiet life despite the former's burgeoning addiction and mental health issues. in the absence of a firm hand to hold, vanya turned, as any millennial had at the time, to video games and computers. her relationship with tech was squashed when the pair had to move around the continental united states... a rather tumultuous three years (to put it lightly) but all is well! because! her mom finally lands a permanent job as a math teacher at the blue harbor elementary school! in the absence of her former bff microsoft encarta (rip queen) and a real knowledge of internet proxies that could've worked on public school computers, vanya instead turns to chess.com and becomes something of a local figure. she continues her (half-decent) chess career all throughout college in chicago, where she meets damian—the last in the long line of ex-boyfriends, and now her best friend. #gaylesbiansolidarity. in 2018, vanya moved back to blue harbor to be with her mother and spent the next three years in semi-hibernation doing odd jobs (name a location in town and she's probably temped there) and IT gig work (where she makes more bank). when damian arrives in 2021, she decides to take up a full-time job as an IT coordinator—a one-stop-shop for all your IT needs, hey it's a small school district ok—mostly to bug him during office hours. in the interim, she's been vibing. no smoking, no drinking, no drugs, just high on life 💕 but also someone pls get her to sleep.

FULL BIOGRAPHY. trigger + content warnings apply.

PERSONALITY & HEADCANONS.

found out she was named after her dad (ivan -> ivana... groundbreaking) when she was eight years old, after looting her birth certificate amid the papers her mother asked her to sift through while she filled out a tax form. has gone by "vanya" ever since to give her some distance from the name, but also because it sounds... cooler.

diversity win! worst tech bro you know is an asian lesbian.

woman in stem (derogatoryaffectionate). girl who got into CS for the money only to find the job market so saturated that she now resorts to contract work instead? hmm more likely thank you think 💕 her CS work ranges from developing silly lil front-end dashboards or any client-facing landing pages for local businesses (+net) to writing custom docker images for AI projects courtesy of some pesky multinationals (—net). as for which corps, she has signed ndas... do you want her to get shipped off to silicon valley or something???

her tagline in life is "everyone's always judging capitalism. but what are you going to do? die poor?" etc. that said. she does hate Big Tech. she profits from it tho and redistributes it to. ah… herself. i never said she isn't a hypocrite

she does have a few things she cares about. her mom. her bestie. the weaver ridge girlies/thirlies/boys r on thin ice. and, uh... are you familiar with… ducktales?

takes up random hobbies when she decides she's interested in them. the results aren't always fortuitous. last failed attempt: woodworking. (sad small violin for lumberjack lesbians everywhere.)

honestly only has 3 real skills. the three c's, if you would. computer science, chess, and being a cu—[i am whisked away into the night]

she will read just about anything. nonfiction. policy memos. building codes. training manuals for dogs (she's half-convinced she's a dog whisperer ATP). even fanfiction for fandoms she doesn't even go to. the worst beta reader you will ever know is the understimulated girl who went to nerd college.

tone-deaf in a way that's kind of grating. please do not invite her to karaoke night.

does not have any social media beyond instagram (to follow Hot Singles in Her Area), reddit (has 50k+ karma and everyone thinks she's a tech nerd from italy and dedicates herself to the bit by adding a beard to her avatar and logging in on cet hours), and upwork/github (has a perfectly respectable headshot and everything)!

her current FIDE rating is at a respectable 2106, and holds a WFM title that she'd gotten back in college. doesn't have any real interest in taking up the open titles and has been,,,, humbled by the competition really over the past few years. it's not as if she has no interest in the sport anymore, or no longer follows the competition circuit. but the light has died out... but also never say never...

CONNECTIONS. TBD still! but hit me!

[lamialamia]

ok for the ask game... i'm gonna throw out.... everyone's favourite war husbands, andyeddie... and then baberoe, annnnd finally... bradray bc i know they're ur fave ship from genkill!

ajkfdhakjhkjfda

thank you for feeding me

-Andyeddie: noone did it like them. Literally the most competent duo in all of hbowar, and possibly the most painful to watch unfold. They are like classic romances in great greek tragics, who have all the virtue but only fleeting happiness.

The first scene that pop into my head for them is Andy softly whispered Eddie's name twice (instead of using his nickname) when he see Eddie's body. Like he just can not comprehend it. Andy has always been so active and adapt so quickly, but he froze right there in a muted heartbreak. Then he had to get himself together because he still needed to go on, for Eddie and everyone else.

Also I NEED to mention

If I die, the company is yours.

Up there in HBOWar catalogue for the best love declaration.

-Baberoe: When Roe paused to consider if he should use Renee's hair scarf to bandage Babe's hand or not (a wound that Roe'd caused himself). And then he did it.

That cinematography fucked me up. The blue of the scarf, two people huddled in because of the cold, then the span of terrible white that seemed endless, sprinkling with red blood.

I wanna kiss the cinematographer on the mouth. With tongue.

But this scene is so Baberoe because of that contrast of pain and gentleness and little cute dialogue. They are a different kind of soft from all other HBOWar ships imo because what they had is so fragile and delicate and so deeply human.

-Bradray: Tainted Love. Ruined Forever.

Fuck these two. Stop singing and ruin good music for me.

They had the best banter in all three shows. The bff-ness of them all with a healthy dash of old-married couple.

Secondly, did you know about the deleted dialogue that had Ray call Brad "cute" when Brad got angry and we can hear Brad blushing? hfjkdafdhjjkfdals

Fuckers.

[ohhsodebonair]

Tejjjj hiiiii 💕💕💕 Uh, so I saw you reblog a Troy gifset, and felt like I’d be neglecting my duties as your Best Taste™ Buddy if I didn’t come over and admit that obviously I was also obsessed with it, back in the day. I blame having always been haunted by the classics (Iliad especially), and also I think this is the tipping point for Brad from pretty boy to a grown ass man? Not to mention the funniest thing on the internet might just be that the gods envy us speech is so often credited to Homer, when it’s actually from this well-oiled epic romp? Priceless. (Also, RIP Wolfgang Petersen, you were a strange one.)

ANYWAY, those were my gently unhinged movie thoughts for today, I hope you're well fed and rested and doing all around good! 💖

KAY! My sweet sweet wise owl (it's because we're talking about greek mythology). YES, I am more and more convinced we would have been bffs back in 2004. We like all the same stuff and I'm sure we would have had so much to talk about before we actually found each other on the internet.

I love greek mythology. I studied it in school, we went all around Greece on a field trip, I have clothbound versions of The Odyssey and The Iliad on my bookshelf (and an Italian translation for The Iliad) too. I have 'Athena' tattoo in ancient greek!

Troy was such a good-bad movie. I actually went to see it with my mum (we both were home one random weekday and went to the cinema to watch it). As a mythology-head, it was bad, but as a fan of epics and movies, I LOVED it. I thought it did a really good job and the casting was so perfect. Eric Bana? MY BELOVED. Brad Pitt as Achilles? INSPIRED! Brian Cox as Agamemnon? HELL YEAH. Plus the voice overs are just SO good even if they're not "real". I had them saved on a word document. My livejournal once was Troy themed! It had quotes everywhere. I'm so sad I never saved it 😭

But yes, I feel like I need to rewatch that movie and just embrace it and how it felt to be 16 again.

I love you - I hope you're having a wonderful day, sweet Kay ❤️️✨

[anniesocsandgeneralstore]

For the Headcannons Asks:

Jake/Ronnie in the AU that hits you hardest.

☮ - friendship headcanon

♡ - romantic headcanon

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

▼ - childhood headcanon

Mouse! 🐭 thank you for these. The AU hitting me the hardest rn is the Survivor AU which all of me and two other people care about but...a new season is airing rn so every Wednesday/Thursday/whenever i get around to watching the new episode my mind is set to "rotate the blorbos" and off i go lol

^jeff probst my beloved

☮ - friendship headcanon

So at the start of the show/game there are four tribes of returning Love Survivors. Heroes (known for their good strategies and being genuinely decent people while playing the game), Sidekicks (supporters of heroes mostly lol), Villains (winners known kinda for being dicks but playing the game well), and Henchmen (supporters of the villains, but also kinda known for backstabbing the "leaders").

Ronnie and Jake are both put on the Hero Tribe and obviously, they make fast friends and allies with each other. But Ronnie also makes fast friends with Natasha, a physical therapist from Arizona, also on the Hero Tribe. But it's not until Javy comes over from the Villain Tribe during a buff swap that him and Jake meet and they are instant BFFs.

♡ - romantic headcanon

Jake wins a reward challenge once, a yacht trip around the island of Fiji with food and drinks, he only gets to bring one person along with him. And of course he chooses to take Ronnie along with him. When the cameras are on them they gotta be talking the game and strategies and whatever (and also about how jake finds a hidden immunity idol in his napkin). But for the most part, they're getting to know one another. Talking about anything and everything and probably confessing that if they were in the real world, this would be their first date. "Why can't it be our first date?" So then they end up calling it their first date forever.

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

Jake is a thrill seeker. He loves skydiving and BMX biking and bungee jumping. He's the heir to a HUGE cattle ranch empire in Texas, so he's loaded to the tits and can afford to do this kinda thing all the time. It was why he was drawn to go on Survivor in the first place (he donated his winnings obviously, he didn't need them).

Ronnie just likes rock climbing, hiking, and swimming mostly. Made her perfect for the show.

▼ - childhood headcanon

Ronnie lived a pretty normal childhood (aside from Brad being a huge bully the whole time). I would say Goose still died when she was pretty young, and Carole not until Ronnie was in college.

And Jake is an only child in this universe! And his parents are present and kinda the best. They don't spoil him as the only child with so much money. A miracle truly that he's not a huge douche.

Put a symbol (or several) and a character/characters in my ask box, and I’ll give you a headcanon.

[ffcrazy15]

CRISIS POINT II.

And also, alright alright alright HEADCANON TIME:

My theory: Boimler is one of three people that Mariner CANNOT allow herself to have feelings or even attraction towards. The other two people? Tendi and Rutherford.

Because these people are her best friends. And Boimler is her very best friend, maybe the best friend she’s ever had. And damn it if it didn’t happen SO quickly, too; like they got to BFF level over the course of less than a year. Mariner is fundamentally a very lonely person who is TERRIFIED of being abandoned by the people she’s allowed herself to risk caring about, as she outright told Tendi in “We’ll Always Have Tom Paris” (and that whole line about everyone leaving is obviously about Boimler btw, since she’s still burned at him about the Titan thing at that point).

So, more than anything, she needs these people to stay in her life. And above all she needs him to stay in her life. But the problem is, Mariner knows she has Issues (TM). Like even if she’ll never admit it to anyone, even herself, she knows deep down that she’s a PTSD-shaken alcoholic war veteran who’s barely managing to hold down a job and can’t let herself be emotionally vulnerable for more than a few minutes or else The Horrors come back. I don’t think she has faith in her own ability to keep a steady relationship with anyone, let alone make it permanent.

All romantic relationships end one of two ways. If the breakup is bad enough—and she has to assume it would be, given the issues that would probably cause it—she’s afraid it could wreck their friendship. And that is the one thing she can’t let happen. So having feelings for any of her friends, but especially Brad, is off the table.

Except...that with the help of her friends, and some therapy, she’s starting to get make progress. And that means a tiny little part of herself could actually start to hope maybe she can handle a relationship, just maybe.

And that hope is the scariest and most dangerous thing of all.

[image ID: gunshots, why would _ do this meme template. Text on the top half over the person who was shot reads “An Embarrassment of Dooplers” and “Cupid’s Errant Arrow”, text over the person holding the gun reads *Mike McHanan*. Continued text of *Mike McHanan* over the man on the bottom half. Text at the bottom of the lower half reads “Why would the fandom think Marinler is canon?” end ID]

[brinteylovesaliens]

Uuuugh, why is it so hard for Sue and Sean to get together?

I mean, I'm not watching The Middle

[maraczeks]

tww s6 thread pt 14

[somestansomewhere]

MY Favorite Shameless BFFs

I am keeping sibling relationships off this list as that will be a list of its own!

Honorable mentions: Liam&Todd, Lip&Joaquin, Fiona&Kev.

5. TOMMY & KERMIT 🍻

Omg! I almost forgot to include them on this list! Although the 11x01 scene was strange for me (LMAO) the friendship that these two have always makes me smile. They’ve been sitting beside each other for years and do have a close bond. When you think of the bar flies at The Alibi, sure you can think of Billy, Chester, Craig... but Tommy and Kermit are ALWAYS “Tommy AND Kermit”!!!

4. FRANK & MIKEY 👔

The definition of “Partners in Crime”!!! The perfect friendship! Two characters that are so made for each other! I really enjoyed the scamming and the bond that these two had. Frank was devastated when Mikey left, and it was so entertaining to see just how much they cared for each other. WHM and LG’s chemistry and IRL friendship totally worked onscreen. Love these two!

3. FIONA & VERONICA 👑

Babies, and legit bff goals. Ahhh there is so much to analyze about these two but to sum up my thoughts, I just love the passion and conection here. I miss the their relationship so much . Like it’s so emotional now that Fi isn’t with V. Their personalities perfectly balance each other and the fact that they are neighbors just makes their bond even tighter. These two gal pals have been through so much together and the support they give each other is filled with so much love. They have each other’s backs no matter what.

2. LIP & BRAD 🤝

This duo is SO underrated, but whenever they have scenes together it warms my heart. Lip can be arrogant but Brad offsets that with his snarky comments. Perhaps another match made in friendship heaven! They also do a great job at keeping each other on track (...well not so much in 11x05 but I digress). They need each other, and I wholeheartedly see Brad as the one friend that stuck around in the Gallagher Family’s lives. Congrats Lip!! LOL The chemistry between JAW and SMC feels so organic and now that Brad is an uncle to Fred only makes them even closer: a family bond. I can only hope that cousins, Fred and Miles, will become best friends too and follow in Lip & Brad’s footsteps (... well not with booze)!!

1. IAN & MANDY 🥺

Omg, who else could it have been! Besides #3 on this list, Ian and Mandy have been friends since season one! It’s sad that they haven’t seemed to be in contact since season six but the LOVE that these two have for each other is so real. In 1x03 when Ian tells Mandy that she’s beautiful, you can tell that he means it with his whole heart. Ian would do anything for Mandy and always came to her aid no matter what. He really was her “knight in shinning armor”, and now they’re brother/sister in-laws. As characters, there’s also a bunch of similarities between them that makes their bond that much stronger... I could go on and on about them but I’m not going to ramble. Their friendship is just THAT good. You can’t make it up and it cannot be matched!

Thanks for reading! 💙

Please keep in mind that these are my opinions! Like always, I have a lot more to say but I won’t in this post LOL this was hard to choose so lemme know your thoughts! I wanna know what you guys think!

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, January 4

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Ghislaine Maxwell buying her way out of prison

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Gavin Rossdale playing tennis with his pup Chewy, Brooke Burke holding holiday balls topless, James Franco takes his cellphone into the sea 

Page 3: Leighton Meester surfing in Malibu, Robbie Williams, Lisa Rinna wearing two masks 

Page 4: Angelina Jolie is bracing for major humiliation after being dragged into Johnny Depp’s latest legal showdown with ex-wife Amber Heard -- Angie’s run-ins with Johnny who she starred with in 2010′s The Tourist are coming under intense scrutiny as Depp gears for a second court battle with Amber -- Angie and Johnny were so coy about their white-hot connection at the time even though their romance was an open secret but they got lucky because nobody had the smoking gun to prove it but now it’ll all come out in the open -- at the time Johnny was still dating Vanessa Paradis while Angie was five years into her doomed love-in with Brad Pitt -- there’s talk bisexual Amber was kind of obsessed with Angie so Angie is central to the plotline whether she likes it or not

Page 5: The Bachelor host Chris Harrison is worried he’ll follow Dancing with the Stars host Tom Bergeron out the door -- both these shows have been on TV forever and the world has changed around them and to keep up with Black Lives Matter and the #MeToo movement changes are being discussed and that’s left Chris fearing he’ll be the next Tom Bergeron and replaced by a woman of color 

Page 6: Aging divas Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton are caught in a bitter country catfight and long-dead Patsy Cline is the excuse -- although there’s been little love lost between the Nashville icons for nearly 50 years their simmering feud exploded weeks ago when Dolly apparently took some veiled public shots at Loretta’s BFF Patsy who was horribly disfigured in a car wreck two years before dying in a 1963 plane crash -- in an interview Dolly recalled standing in the wings of Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry at age 13 and watching Patsy perform and she remembered thinking about how awful it was that she got her pretty face scarred up like that -- Loretta was fit to be tied over the comments Dolly made about her old pal and thinks Dolly should stop running her mouth about Nashville legends like Patsy and Johnny Cash -- Dolly’s heard about Loretta’s complaints through the grapevine and brushes them off as quarantine boredom mixed with old age 

Page 8: Blake Shelton’s going bonkers after fiancee Gwen Stefani told him she wants to skip the mega-million star-studded wedding shindig he’s been planning and elope -- Blake is all bent out of shape over Gwen’s latest switcheroo which calls for them to get hitched on the sly at a Mexican resort and she’s got him so mixed up he can’t think straight because for the longest time she wanted the Hollywood-style wedding with all the bells and whistles and was very particular about details but now she’s telling him to ditch those plans which have already cost them a small fortune and book a trip somewhere exotic so they can just just get it over with -- Gwen wants to elope so they can hitched at the Riviera Maya resort in Cancun where they could swap vows on the beach witnessed by her three sons and Blake has no choice but to give in to Gwen and he’s saying he’s fine with it as long as she’s sure this time 

Page 9: Hollywood horndog John Mayer is back sniffing around old flame Jennifer Aniston after his mom gave him a shove -- John and Jen had a steamy fling for about a year before he dropped her in 2009 and now John’s mom Margaret Meyer is scolding him for letting Jen go and John’s mom is always on him about settling down and she feels that at 43 he should be married and she recently had a heart-to-heart talk with him and told him she thought Jennifer was the most down-to-earth of all his exes and because John considers his mom one of the smartest people he knows he decided to reach out to Jen and he’s always admired Jen and thought of her as a classy lady and now he’s reaching out to her again in hopes of getting her to agree to see him again once things leave lockdown 

* FKA Twigs has socked actor Shia LaBeouf with a bombshell lawsuit claiming he subjected her to relentless physical, emotional and mental abuse and gave her an STD and she also accuses him of sexual battery, assault, and infliction of emotional distress -- although Shia says she’s lying Twigs insists Shia once choked her in the middle of the night and kept a loaded firearm by the bed leaving her terrified to get up at night for fear he’d think she was an intruder and shoot her -- she claims during an incident around Valentine’s Day 2019 Shia threatened to crash his speeding car unless she professed her love for him so when he pulled into a gas station she got out of the car but he threw her against the car while screaming in her face then forced her back into the car -- Shia also had rules about how often Twigs had to kiss and touch him -- Shia has been arrested several times on now-dismissed charges including assault and disorderly conduct 

Page 10: John Lennon didn’t have to die -- that’s law enforcement experts’ explosive analysis after reviewing newly discovered evidence about the Beatles legend’s December 8, 1980 murder in NYC -- an odd series of coincidences and simple decisions put Lennon and his killer Mark David Chapman in the same place at the same time -- a review of the details concludes Lennon’s death was a strange result of flukes including his penchant for running around without protection and a missed appointment with his photographer and without these quirks of fate John would still be alive and recording hit songs 

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Pink flashes her bandaged thumb after getting stitches in Santa Monica (picture), Amanda Seyfried confesses she made a terrible decision for turning down the role of a lifetime as Chris Pratt’s love interest in Guardians of the Galaxy and now she’s watching from the sidelines as the director’s second choice Zoe Saldana skyrockets in the money-making Marvel franchise, Katherine Heigl will star in the upcoming limited biopic series Woodhull about Victoria Woodhull the first woman to run for president in 1872, Big Brother alum Zach Rance has come out as bisexual after admitting a sizzling same-sex romance with his former reality show housemate Frankie Grande who is the real-life older brother of pop star Ariana Grande

Page 13: Jaime King slurps down a meal on the streets on L.A. (picture), Jax Taylor mowing the lawn (picture), Guns N’ Roses axman Slash loads up on supplies at an L.A. grocery (picture), former teen heartthrob Chad Michael Murray admits his inflated young ego got the best of him and now he looks at photos of himself and thinks what a dweeb

Page 14: Julia Roberts is headed for the small screen headlining the limited TV series The Last Thing He Told Me where she’ll form an unexpected relationship with her teenage stepdaughter while searching for the truth about her husband’s mysterious disappearance, Emma Stone is also heading for the flat-screen in the comedy series The Curse alongside Nathan Fielder about a couple starring on an HGTV-style show who are trying to conceive a child amid an alleged curse, Nicolas Cage is hosting a new series called The History of Swear Words in which he’ll delve into the origins and pop culture usage and science and cultural impact of profanely shocking expletives

* Fashion Police -- Peyton List 8/10, Sofia Carson 9/10, Vanessa Hudgens 2/10, Neve Campbell 1/10, Chelsea Handler 4/10 

Page 16: Cover Story -- Jeffrey Epstein’s madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s $30M jail break -- terrified and tortured Ghislaine risks family fortune to buy her freedom -- the accused sex predator and her fat cat inner circle are set to plunk down an obscene $30 million to buy her way out of federal prison in what outraged investigators fear is a brazen plot to cheat justice 

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Mayim Bialik

* Lizzo is admitting she’s having negative thoughts and is hating her 300-pound body but adds she knows she beautiful

* The Spice Girls were likely liquored up on cut-rate champagne when they made their first album according to Emma Bunton a.k.a. Baby Spice who says she and her bandmates swilled the cheapest sparkling wine in the studio 

Page 20: True Crime -- a chilling message left by the elusive Zodiac Killer has finally been cracked by a team of code breakers after 51 years -- a hodgepodge of numbers, symbols and letters called the 340 cipher was sent to the San Francisco Chronicle in 1969 and lawmen believed it contained key clues to the serial killer’s identity but the truth is even more chilling -- according to the experts the message says I hope you are having lots of fun in trying to catch me, I am not afraid of the gas chamber because it will send me to paradise all the sooner because I now have enough slaves to work for me 

Page 21: Caitlyn Jenner is terrified after learning her skin cancer has returned a second time -- she was diagnosed with basal cell skin cancer a few years ago and had an entire layer of skin removed from her nose -- since then she’s been slathering on sunscreen but a new red spot on the right side of her nose popped up along with some crusty areas on her scalp but the nose patch was not cancer but hypertrophic keratosis or scaly damage from sun exposure -- however the dozen spots on the top of her head was squamous cell carcinoma which is a skin cancer that’s known to be aggressive so her doctor burned off the offending spots -- her doctor recommended she replace her 1960 Austin-Healey convertible but the chances of Caitlyn selling her prized ride are slim 

Page 23: Your 2021 Horoscope -- love, luck, health, wealth, happiness -- plus surprising celebrity predictions -- Elton John, Valerie Bertinelli, Johnny Depp, Jessica Simpson, Matthew Perry, Cameron Diaz, Will Smith, Katy Perry, Howie Mandel, Savannah Guthrie, Justin Timberlake, Carrie Underwood 

Page 30: Larry King has reached a deal with estranged wife Shawn but she’s royally peeved about the payoff -- Larry has agreed to pay her a lump sum of $20,000 plus $33,000 a month in spousal support which lasts until at least their next scheduled hearing in April but Shawn claims the 33Gs only covers a third of her monthly nut which includes $25,000 for rent on her home, $12,000 on clothes, $3500 on groceries and $4500 for hair and nails and pet care and gym 

Page 31: Kim Kardashian is reading husband Kanye West the riot act over his junk food benders that are sabotaging her healthy eating program and it’s led to more than a few arguments with no peace in sight -- he’s telling her to chill and let him live by his own terms but she can’t do that because it’s driving her crazy -- what really ticks Kim off is his junk food has totally taken over her section of fresh cut veggies, fruits and water and she wants him to get his own storage in a different part of the house where she won’t have to see it or hold her nose 

* Kardashian momager Kris Jenner’s faux reality TV home is on the market for nearly $8 million even though she never lived there -- the L.A. estate was used for exterior shots of the image-conscious family’s compound on Keeping Up with the Kardashians but it was all for show -- dubbed the Iredell Estate the house also appears in True Blood and Chelsea Lately 

Page 33: Health Report 

Page 34: Wrestling Ring Kings: Where Are They Now? Sable, Bret Hart

Page 35: Lex Luger, Steve Austin, Ric Flair 

Page 36: The Undertaker, Tito Santana, Diamond Dallas Page 

Page 37: Kane, Kurt Angle, Sunny, Mick Foley 

Page 39: Despite an astounding 30 No. 1 country music hits legendary singer Charley Pride took a haunting regret to his grave that he never made it as major league baseball star -- Charley had so much success but he died tormented his baseball career short-circuited -- Charley was singing and playing guitar by the time he was 14 but his real goal was to pitch for the New York Yankees -- Charley signed with a Yankees farm team as a flame-throwing phenom at 17 but in his rookie season he threw out his arm and was just never the same -- after he struck out in baseball he put his full energy into singing but faced an uphill battle -- Charley was the Jackie Robinson of country music and he endured a lot of racism 

Page 40: Kelsey Grammer admits he often breaks down and blubbers like a baby and it makes him feel better and he cries when he’s upset or sad or scared and it provides him a lot of relief and he believes years of tragedy in his life taught him to cry as a healing mechanism and now he sheds tears whenever he has sad feeling bottled up inside him 

* A moneybags James Bond fan coughed up a whopping $256,000 for the handgun 007 Sean Connery toted in the first spy epic Dr. No -- the disabled Walther PP semi-automatic was supposed to bring in no more than $200,000 but the unidentified American buyer who claims to have seen every Bond epic went even higher 

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Miley Cyrus is now blabbing about why she broke up with husband Liam Hemsworth after years of togetherness and just nine months of marriage and it sounds like a case of the pot calling the kettle black 

Page 45: Furious Queen Elizabeth has booted Princess Eugenie and her husband out of Prince Harry’s Frogmore Cottage home in a bit to foil Meghan Markle’s plan to completely cut him off from England and the royal family -- pregnant Eugenie and her booze-seller husband Jack Brooksbank were ordered to quit the cottage and move back to Kensington Palace just six weeks after Harry and Meghan secretly leased them the home meaning Harry and Meghan are still on the financial hook for Frogmore which was a gift from the queen and they will have to underwrite the cost of keeping up the property and it also ensures Harry has a home in Britain if he ever wants to come back -- by moving Eugenie and Jack out the queen has made sure Harry still has a place to hang his hat if he decides to come back to leave his American wife 

Page 47: Bizarre But True 

[dramaqueeenamby]

Waves [Drabble-ish]

A/N: I apologize if (that) this is trash, but it’s necessary, and you’ll all see why soon enough....

Also, if you don’t read The Root, I’m gonna need you to get it together

I also tagged a few of you for....reasons 

TAGS: @purple-apricots @honeyybey @letsshamelessqueen-m @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes @sisterwifeudaku @brittyevans @idilly

Bow Down, Bitches: All Y(our) Faves Hit The Club Last Night, and Black Twitter Exploded

By: Amber Smith

2/28/19 10:14am

Filed to: BLACK GIRL EXCELLENCE

When Beyonce snatched our edges and entire income tax check, it was done so with all of the love and grace of our lord and savior, Queen Bey. We had zero complaints (unlike the credit card company’s who wouldn’t take “it was Bey” as a reason for a missed payment, but I digress). It was for the cause. For the culture. For us.

Well, last week, a similar moment occurred at the annual white men controlled Academy Awards.

Best Actor, Rami Malek, Bohemian Rhapsody

Best Supporting Actor, Mahershala Ali, Green Book

Best Supporting Actress, Regina King, If Beale Street Could Talk

Best Actress, Summer Hemsworth, A Star Is Born

Not only in Wippo Oscars history was this the first time that the winners for the top four categories were snatched by POC, but our favorite weather witch’s win marked another accomplishment.

She is now the first, youngest, and only African American to win three Academy Awards.

Hemsworth earned her first award for Best Actress in 2012 for her powerful portrayal as African queen Bashira in the absolutely heartbreaking biopic, 4AM (the unofficial black people’s Titanic). She became the first and youngest black woman to take home the coveted award since Halle Berry in 2002. Fast forward seven years later, last week Hemsworth took home the honor for her role as Ally, opposite Bradley Cooper, in the hopefully last reboot of A Star Is Born (if you haven’t seen it, please do, you will cry. A lot).

Black Twitter had a complete meltdown over Summer’s emotionally gripping acceptance speech where she acknowledged legendary black actresses who have yet to win an Oscar. Even before that though, the MCU actress walked on the stage in her House of M original dress that cost more than I make in a year.

And not to present.

Along with singer-songwriter/bff, Siyanda, Summer accepted the award for Best Original Song, Shallow. In an interview with eonline, Siyanda shared that she and bestie Summer wrote the song in under an hour after Yanda’ found out her friend wrote poetry in high school.

“She [Summer] was really against the idea of singing at all. I think Brad and her discussed someone else doing all of that [singing], and then she came to visit me at the studio. I told her I was doing some songs for the soundtrack when she told me that she did poetry, and I told her “if you can write in iambic pentameter for school, you can do it for this movie.” So, we sat down, and like an hour later, we wrote the whole song. She recorded it in one take. It was fucking amazing. She’s a goddess.”

So not only is Summer now the first and only black woman to win two Oscars for Best Actress, she now has a third under her belt along with Siyanda, who is the first black woman to win in the Best Original Song category where she was also nominated for her Black Panther theme, All The Stars alongside Kendrick Lamar.

Celebrations were and still are in order which brings us to our recap of the perfection that was last night.

Siyanda, Summer, Megan Thee Stallion, Onika, and Queen hit the oh-so-popular LA Club, Lush, for some much needed black girl only celebration.

Oh, and Lizzo was there too.

Yes, you read that correctly. All of our favorites were in one building, like, interacting with each other. Two of the best female rappers in the game right now, the reincarnation of Whitney Houston, this generation’s Toni Morrison, and a future EGOT legend (fingers crossed) were all in the same place…..at the same time.

The only thing missing was Mrs. Knowles Carter (the Hive still ain’t forgot what you did, Shawn).

There was twerking, there was drinking, there was laughing, and almost all of it shared via several of the star’s social media accounts.

Queen Ororo shared a now my iphone wallpaper candid on her Instagram of all five of the women with the unofficial Wakanda Forever emoji followed by the crown emoji. Her story included videos from throughout the night which included a hilarious video of Megan teaching the ladies how to “drive the boat.”

Siyanda’s stories showed the quad singing their majestic melanin hearts out to Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts.” The duo also posted on their IG’s the night of the Oscars, photos of them hugging and crying, along with detailed and heartfelt compliments expressing their love and appreciation for each other.

According to Summer, the two first met when Siyanda was brought on as a dance consultant to help Summer prepare for the role as Queen Bashira, who was a classically trained dancer.

“I can’t dance to save my life, but this was the opportunity of a lifetime, and I deeply wanted the role so I pushed myself. I’d been following Yanda since her Soundcloud and YouTube cover days so I was a big fan. Turns out, she’d seen almost all of my indie films and was a fan of me too. Honestly, we hit it off on the first day. She asked me to dance for her, I did so, she clowned me, I flipped her off. And that was really all she wrote. She’s like the sister I’ve always wanted. I love her to death.”

The friendship has lasted throughout the years with Summer appearing in several of Siyanda’s music videos including: 7 Rings, Party, God is a Woman, and let’s not forget, Partition. I’d never seen the hype in Mr. Hemsworth until I was blessed with that visual.

Summer is the real MVP, ya’ll. Homegril is winning on and off stage and in the bedroom.

In a day and age where division runs rampant among the black community, it is truly heartwarming to see such displays of black excellence. #BlackGirlsRock

Peep the slideshow below to see all of the footage (so far) from the melanated lituation.

RELATED:

PERIODT: Mrs. Hemsworth snaps on the “colorist” and “self-hating” trolls who keep infiltrating her IG comments with their “disgusting” and “pathetic” #LightIsRight “bullsh-.”

Bish Betta Have My Money: Summer Hemsworth shares how she “almost quit” following a pay discrepancy between herself and Olsen #3

Say It Loud, Say It Proud: The Queen of Wakanda shuts down reporter who refers to her as “a pseudo black”

Don’t Mess With My Man: Summer Hemsworth is not here for you hoes with this “divorce bullsh-” and shares a steamy photo of her and White Thunder from Down Under to prove it

[missandrogyny]

what about h/l from the models au? because I feel like out of all your harrys and louis’ they were like the Fun Couple lol and also h/l from the fake engagement au? I love they’re domestic bffs dynamic

after the last part, h/l from the models au don’t do any more photoshoots together 😂they explicitly state they don’t want to, because the brands start approaching them (due to how viral they’ve become) asking to promote their brands and like. they don’t want to commodify their relationship like that. so adidas and calvin klein are the only ones who have the privilege of having a harry and louis photoshoot. and i don’t know if they’re the “fun couple” per se out of all my h/l’s (because i havent really sat down and thought of that extensively) but they definitely have fun. i have this recurring mental image of them leaving the same party separately and tabloids are always like “they broke up?????” when in reality they both drive like three blocks down and end up in the same car anyway and they always giggle and laugh about it because fucking with the paps in industry parties is always so funny. also driver roll up the partition, please is a thing that happens with them quite a bit 👀

they never post each other on social media but sometimes paps will get harry walking around with an adidas hoodie that’s just a bit too small for him. louis walks around wearing the lavender sweater so much (like when he’s doing errands, like grabbing groceries or something) and it’s so frayed and ugly at this point and the people are always like “LOUIS TOMLINSON HAS NO SENSE OF STYLE!” but like louis doesn’t care.

they never attend events together but they watch a bunch of concerts together and there are always photos of them like cuddling while watching a concert, louis’ back pressed against harry’s front, harry’s face buried into louis’ neck. louis makes it a point to buy terrible children’s toothbrush after terrible children’s toothbrush–from mickey mouse to like winnie the pooh to like frozen themed ones

and…yeah. i think like, their proposal is something that comes a little bit out of left field, simply because it wasnt planned. one day the lavender jumper is just so holey and terrible and louis is all sad about it and complaining and harry just looks at this boy, looks around at their house–because it’s as much louis’ as it is harry’s now, louis’ presence ringing loud and true in every corner, every crevice–and he just says ‘marry me.’

they have their wedding somewhere nice and warm (marbella maybe? where did harry attend that wedding where he was chasing a kid around, that’s the place i always imagine)

—

wow that was long and now we go to h/l from fake engagement au! (rip im sorry)

first thing that comes to mind is that they go back to the same store they tried the cakes 😂they have to, louis wants more free cake! and now they’re actually getting married so harry doesn’t get scared of committing a crime or whatever.

they’re best friends first and foremost, so nothing really changes about their relationship–louis is still terrible at domestic things and harry still ends up picking up after him, cooking for him, etc. louis does try, though, and he surprises harry one evening with a very nice pasta dish he’d learned off those 1 minute tasty videos that circulate on instagram.

louis is harry’s favorite subject to photograph, so they go on park dates a lot and harry takes photos of louis lying on the ground, smelling the flowers, some unflattering ones of louis eating with his mouth wide open (which he posts on social media because he thinks it’s hilarious and louis gets so mad at him for). they adopt a dog? and play fetch with him in the park, i guess. idk why that’s important but they have a huge ass golden retriever. i dont make the rules, my brain does.

they also go up to visit jay and the girls in donny, go up to visit gemma and brad a lot (and meet harry’s nephew!!! because gemma gets pregnant and has a baby boy and harry is fucking in love and has terrible baby fever so he always wants to go and see him) (he doesn’t know how to take care of babies though, it’s louis who has to teach him okay haz hold here, support the head, hahahaha he just spit on you i think that means he likes you)

they argue a lot, planning their wedding. like to the point that some days louis doesn’t want to speak to him. but like, they’re best friends so it’s kind of hard to stay away from each other (you know when you fight with your boyfriend, and the first thing you do is rant to your best friend? so it’s kind of hard for louis and harry to stay away from each other seeing as in this au they are both so at the end of the day, either louis and harry curl up around the other, presses a kiss on the back of their head and murmurs ‘i’m sorry’ and it’s. it’ll be okay.) they send invites to kanye and kim and rihanna, and drake, and celine dion and whoever the fuck they can think of and they get no reply, obviously but it’s hilarious to them anyway

their wedding is. an absolute mess. like the event is wonderful and simple and tiny, but it’s a mess because harry and louis here are both. messes. they cant stop smearing cake on each other, decide that it’d be fun to mess with the event coordinator and argue with her about how the program is supposed to be like (the event coordinator they hired is fucking ace though, doesn’t get frazzled which is partly the reason why louis is like hey let’s see how far we can go). their first dance is to an acoustic version of work (which the event coordinator revolted against but louis wouldn’t fucking budge). their second dance though, is to ed sheeran’s photograph–here, harry holds louis under the fairy lights, watches them sparkle in his eyes; here, it’s only harry and louis and no one else in their bubble. here, harry kisses louis, slow and content and happy, because he doesn’t know what bureaucratic error it was up there that made him this fucking happy, but. he’d ended up married to his best friend. he made it.

[tare-chan]

Spideychelle time!

Ok so now time for my spesific Spideychelle in FFH review :) It really took me this long to write cause… well… real life needs priorities ^^;

so anyway… beware of the long post under the cut

Okay, so when I read the news about the making of Spider Man FFH around October, when they shoot the Spideychelle scenes that’s placed in the very end of the movie, my hope for Spidyechelle being canon in FFH skyrocketed. 

and finally, when I saw it on screen, I have to say, I’m pleased :D Thank you Jon Watts! 

A little dissapointed that we didn’t get to see what happened right after the blip. I mean, surely the victim of the blip will be very confused, and shared the same trauma. We did see Aunt May raised a fund raiser for the blip’s victim. I was hoping to see how MJ would react to the blip, and what will be her reaction in seeing Peter and Ned still the same age at her. Surely they will become the best trio…… But then again, perhaps the script writer decided to leave those times to the fanfic authors?? ^^

Anyway, the first thing I noticed about Spideychelle moments were, everytime Peter interact with MJ, the bgm played the same song that played at the london bridge scene :D Awww…. totally love that bgm! Soft tunes and romantic….

So, the first scene we had was Peter telling Ned his plans, and MJ come to literally says hello to them :D This is one big step for MJ. She now feels comfortable enough to approach Peter and Ned. We already seen how akward Peter and MJ were in this scene. Did anyone noticed that MJ was a bit dissapointed when she heard that “Peter has plan”? Perhaps she thought Peter has plan to… approach European women? or something else? She looked relieved when the conversation went south, with those little spoon collecting things, and thus leaving the boys by giving them advice about VPN. Ned claimed that the conversation went well….. while we of course see that those didn’t went well at all XD

Next, the plane scene. For the first time on screen did we see MJ cleverly defended Peter from Flash. And the highlight moment when Peter acknowledge her actions. His expression was priceless. The little smiles and adoration eyes… that immediately changed into dislike upon seeing Brad.  (oohh Peter… you’re so cute!!) Then we saw Ned being the best BFF trying to become the wingman, and execute the ‘sit next to each other’ plan, that went horribly wrong. ^^; (I laugh so hard at that scene). We can see MJ was curious when Ned tell Betty to switch seat with Peter, and that curiosity turned into annoyed expression when at the end MJ needs to sit besides Brad. But she managed to control herself (as always), and tried to enjoy the ride. Unlike Peter whose face clearly showed how disappointed he was. 

The bathroom scene were also very sweet. Peter was so terribly awkward, but he still tried to did his best, and give his best for MJ. The confused MJ unfortunately didn’t get the ‘coded message’, thus leaving a high hope Peter face to face with….. Brad XD Lol!! 

Then the boat scene. Where Peter stared at MJ too long, that MJ started to look back. I think that’s when MJ started to understand that maybe Peter’s unto something. She’s very observant after all. But, as a very guarded person, she won’t be reckless or she will be hurt. Thus she still cope with whatever thing Brad has to offer, before ditching him, and went to have espresso. I think, she needs that espresso to ‘encourage’ her to approach Peter (she usually just drink tea). After all, we did see her waited at the pillar, until Peter showed up. Of course her intention was to confront Peter about that little gift, but in her subtle way, by sharing her knowledge about that magic word ‘Bo’. Perhaps that’s a very subtle message to Peter too…. “that’s my super power”?? Get it? MJ of course already suspect Peter was Spider-Man for so long. 

Then the Hydro-Man appeared. I love how both Peter and MJ jumped in to rescue Ned and Betty. They’re very brave!! In this scene, like my post from long time a go, noticed that MJ’s eyes didn’t actually looked at the monster, but rather at the boys before her. She must’ve noticed the conversation, thus holding Ned arms to lead them away from the dangerous zone. She didn’t look back, or search for Peter, because she already know (or suspect) that Peter could handle it on his own. And it’s her job to make sure Ned and Betty were okay. 

After that, the camera only focused on Peter, and the rest of the group who went to the closed museum. We didn’t get to see where MJ was….. there’s a possibility that she sneak around to watch Peter from a far. (just like the scene at the carnaval in Prague). 

Later we see that Peter once again tried to execute his plan, and asked MJ to went with him at their next destination. Eiffel tower in Paris. And MJ liked the idea! But of course, she has to stated another dark information regarding the tower, just to mess with Peter. She really love his petrified expression, didn’t she? Only this time, MJ always relieved Peter by immediately stating the positive things. Like how she actually love Eiffel tower. Aww….. I really like this development from her part. 

The bus scene! Once again we see how MJ tried to being nice with Brad. But at a certain point, she choose her book instead. And at the ‘Baby mountain Goat’ scheme Peter did, did anyone noticed that MJ didn’t buy it at all?? Everyone else went to the window side, but MJ sit still in her seat. And when Peter were confronted by Betty, we can see that MJ kinda ‘glared’ at Peter from the top of her book. And MJ keep sending Peter an “annoyed stare”, several times after that: when Brad tried to showed her ‘that’ photo, when Mr. Harrington briefed the kid at the hotel lobby and Peter’s phone rings. I’m guessing MJ started to piece things together and a little bit annoyed that Peter’s spider things hijacked their vacation, and there’s possibility dragged them all to danger things. 

From this scene onward, we did see how MJ build up her courage to interact with Peter. The silent looking at each other when they walked to the opera house, then she compliment him pretty, and she even managed to asked Peter to sit with her! Totally love how MJ didn’t immediately accept Peter’s rejection as ‘rejection’, but tried to confirm what he meant by ‘no’. Especially since MJ must’ve noticed Peter fumbled with something in his ear. And when Peter didn’t showed up at her side, MJ now run after him!! I saw these as a great growth from her part. Sure at this point, I think MJ was still confused at her own feeling, as in whether she actually want Peter because she likes him, or whether she was intrigued by Peter’s alter ego and want to confront him for confirmation.

Judging by what happened at their night walk at that bridge in Prague, I’m guessing MJ leans to the later excuse. Now, this is one of my favorite (angsty) scene. Noticed her expression when she cut Peter’s confession. She was so proud of herself, pointing at Peter’s disappearance that’s corresponds with Spider-Man’s appearance, she even scoffed at Peter’s lame excuses, and her expression when she took out her ‘proof’ was such a ‘happy - proud - managed to solved a problem - you can’t make anymore excuses’ one. 

Knowing he was caught, Peter went silent. But what weigh him more was that harsh truth that apparently MJ didn’t like him back for what he is. He can’t help but wear the ‘extremely’ disappointed expression. His heart literally broken to pieces there. He has sold his favorite toys to buy the beautiful necklace for her, he has prepared all those plans, he has mustered all courage he has to tell her his feeling, but apparently, all of that was wrong!! His broken ‘so…. you’ve been watching me, because you thought I was Spider-Man?” part was soooo well played by Tom, that I can’t help but feel the boy’s pain. Poor Peter… :,(

On the other part, MJ instantly knew that she’s stepped the boundaries. Her facial expression changed from proud to ‘regret’ in split second! (bless Zendaya and her acting prowess). She shouldn’t pushed Peter to admit his secret, a thing that she should know was something so important to him for a reason. She shouldn’t snoop into other people business, especially when said people purposely hide it from others. And at that moment, I believe MJ suddenly aware that Peter has feeling for her. That part scared her, especially since she are now confused at her own feeling. Guilt mixed in that. Thus she escape to the things she never did, she lied. 

Thankfully, the projector butt in, and the conversation could be put on hold. And Peter’s rational- responsible part, made him not to dwell much on his broken heart things, but to immediately prioritize his actions. Thus he confirmed MJ’s suspicions, cause he needs to do something to fixed his mistakes fast. MJ’s was taken back with this sudden change of behavior. Apparently she rarely see Peter’s taken charge and now things need to be done. I totally love how they ‘solved’ this Mysterio is a fraud problem together. They’re both very smart!!

at this scene, we could also see how MJ still feels guilty to pushed Peter and snooped at his secret, that she, in her own way of course, reconfirmed Peter’s decision to tell her about his alternate ego. I’m pretty sure MJ wasn’t only 67% sure that Peter’s Spider-Man, but she was asking whether it’s okay for Peter to let her know his secret. That he trust her enough to hold the secret. And Peter said ok, that he trust her enough not to tell people. Despite her excitement for receiving Peter’s secret, MJ can’t helped but being overwhelmed by so many possibilities of danger that haunted them while they’re on vacation, thus she rambled. And this is one rare occasion when Peter was calm enough, while MJ’s mind going crazy. Just to point the fact that Peter already has so many more experiences with ‘danger super hero things’ than MJ was. 

We can see how MJ still worried over things and still can’t think of what to do next, back at Peter’s hotel room, while Peter already has clearer idea of what he has to do. This lead to a funny scene where Peter changes in front of MJ, then get embarrassed. While on MJ part, we finally see the raging hormone teen in usually stoic MJ. LOL! totally love this part. And as already stated by other tumblr account, we did see the extreme changes in MJ, how she can relax and let down her mask in front of Peter, but quickly put them back on while in front of Ned. (again, amazing acting Ms. Z!)

After that we skipped into an angsty part from Peter’s own little adventure. But it still showed how Peter still has deep feelings towards MJ. No matter what has happened, no matter that (he thought) MJ didn’t like him back, he still has strong feelings towards her: The illusion scene where he still jumped after the illusion MJ, and when he asked Happy to give MJ the necklace. Those are deep feeling, I refuse to called it puppy love. Peter really really like MJ. :,( my poor boy….

On the other hand, I love to see how fast MJ adapt being the FOS, a.k.a being the closest persons to Spider-Man, the persons whose chance of being hurt as collateral damage are high. And I love seeing her being the more calmed person than Ned, and still can think clearly despite the chaos in front of her: she shoved Flash to move and away from the danger, she being the person noticed that they might be the target of Mysterio’s drones, she questioned who Happy was, and her idea of using the mace. I’m guessing despite her snarky sarcasm exterior, she was scared, and extremely worried for Peter’s safety. She might have just finally brave enough to admit it to herself, that she actually really like Peter in a romantic way. Especially when Happy at some point, gave her the necklace, that could be seen as Peter’s parting gift. She might be very scared for not being able to meet him again, to finally tell him the truth about her feeling. Especially, since she has lied to him before. Thus we saw her immediately darted out of the vault, the second things seems went under control.

I love how the camera zoomed out, to show MJ being the lone figure that moved between the remnants of destruction at the bridge. It showed how determined MJ was to find Peter, and to make sure he was alive. And it leads to the scene, where a ‘non hugger’ MJ, literally throw herself into Peter’s arm, and hugged him tight. Cause he’s alive.  Noticed that MJ was still new to this worrying things, that she didn’t managed to call Peter’s name throughout her adrenaline rush, and stumbled on her words, stuttering and all when explaining what happened. While the more experienced Peter was calmed enough and managed to call her name, and asked coherent questions regarding everyone’s safety. . :)

But the table turned fast, when it’s time for them to talked about feelings. It’s Peter’s turn to stumbled on his words, and tried to apologize for every stupid plans he has made, the broken necklace, with thought that he has assumed things on his end. He was already accepted the ‘fact’ that MJ didn’t like him like that, and his gift and plans will make it awkward, between them. 

But, of course MJ need to stop his thoughts, and one effective way to silenced a rambling Peter was with a peck in the lips. And it was effective! MJ was observant after all :D Then we saw how MJ really struggled to showed all her inner fears, and at the end, she really really like Peter for who he was, with flaws and in such a ‘broken’ state. 

A very relieved Peter (look at his expression! Tom… oh my oh my… what a wonderful acting!) finally managed to tell MJ his feeling, that reciprocates! *sniffles*. 

And at the movie end, we saw the romance bloomed beautifully, and both of them understand each other so well, but them still being themselves :,) MJ still teases Peter and being a blunt honest, with a hint of soft (”well… except me… “, her texting “don’t swing and text”) and Peter accept MJ for who she was.

All in all… the development of Spideychelle in FFH was wonderful, and I shouldn’t asked for more…. (but I really hope there’s more!!) I can’t thank Jon Watts enough for this wonderful development, and for Tom and Zendaya for delivering such a perfect interaction between the two :,)

The mid credit scene, I say, built the stage for the ‘rocky’ relationships between these two. I can’t wait to see what the directors will prepared for us!!

Meanwhile, I will indulge myself in fanfic community :D

And… this turned out to be extremely long!! ^^; if you managed to come this far… I can’t thank you enough to spent your time in reading my fangirlism rambling. XD 

[tangledgal]

WARNING: SUPER BIG POST! This is a complete list of my ranking of the season 1 and season 2 soundtrack.

Alright, first, I truly like/ love all the songs in the soundtrack, so low-ranked songs are never “bad.” Second, I’m not counting the 3 scores we got with the season 2 soundtrack. Third, I know that once season 3 has released its songs, this list will become kinda irrelevant, but hey, I’m impatient. Lastly, this is all biased so if some songs seem like they should be lower or higher than others, then that’s fine. I don’t claim to be a genius musician. I just prefer some songs over others.

(P.S. this was written in a day so misspellings are likely) 

21.) Hook Foot’s Ballad

I don’t think I need to explain why this is the lowest. XD I really don’t mind this song, but it’s so short and just makes me wonder why this was considered a song, but the Reverse Incantation wasn’t! Just . . . meh.

20.) Wind in My Hair (Reprise)

We’ve all heard this one a BUNCH of times, and it’s pretty okay on its own. I just don’t consider this as high on the list just because we’ve heard it a lot and it’s just “Wind in my Hair” but shorter.

19.) More of Me

Another song we hear over and over again, but I’m a sucker for upbeat Disney pop music, and the full song is pretty fun to listen to. Nothing special, but enjoyable.

18.) Next Stop Anywhere (Reprise)

I like this one, but the 30 seconds of just talking at the beginning is a little grating. Again, just “Next Stop” but shorter. Still, Mandy and Zac always sound amazing together.

17.) Let Me Make You Proud (Reprise)

As you see, I put all the reprises last since they aren’t the most . . . interesting, but this is definitely the best of them since this is the MOMENT Varian vows revenge and makes his arc. It’s very powerful and the singing is great, but again, reprise.

16.) Listen Up

A fun song that’s just right for Halloween. I particularly love how it has the same sound as “I’ve Got a Dream,” but in a minor key, making it spoopy! It’s just lower on the list since it doesn’t really add much to the plot. Just a good song.

15.) Life After Happily Ever After

One of the few songs that sound exactly like it came straight from the movie. I like how it fills us in on the plot and with a great melody. Just . . . lots of talking that wasn’t edited out. And not that it’s not good, but I don’t find myself listening to it as often. Still, this was great as the first song of the show and it’s great now.

14.) If I Could Take That Moment Back

Yeah, I’m a New Dream sucker, and this song made me choke up a bit on my first listen. ASIDE FROM THAT, it doesn’t sound too different from most sad love songs. I didn’t want to put it too high because it’s not particularly unique. Not saying it’s BAD at all! The melody is beautiful (especially on the piano), the lyrics are heartbreaking and match up with the situation pretty well, and of course, Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi duet #2. That’s a win in my book. 

13.) Livin’ the Dream

Admittedly, I was REALLY surprised when we got a musical number in this episode, and the song did seem really random. Still, this is just a really funny and upbeat music number! It sounds similar to “I’ve Got A Dream,” but with a twist, it’s pretty catchy, the singer does a great job as a replacement for Brad Garrett. I know for most, this wouldn’t usually be this high, but hey, different tastes.

12.) Friendship Song

I will admit, I like this song A LOT more than most people do. Then again, sucker for upbeat-Disney-pop music right here. I love how the instruments are so clear and beautiful, the melody and fast tempo are really fun to listen to, the lyrics can apply to anyone with a bff, and it always puts me in a good mood!

11.) Set Yourself Free

This is a weird one. It is nice to listen to and sung well, but I think my main liking for this song is that I feel a little bit of an emotional connection with it. When I hear this song, I think of the beginning of January and waiting anxiously for the finale of Season 1. I remember seeing a sneak peek of this song briefly, then seeing the episode as all the past moments of season 1 flash through the screen. Idk, it’s not really my favorite, but the feeling I get from listening to this brings back a lot of memories to me. I wouldn't put it lower since it does sound nice and I feel sentimental when listening to it, but it’s not higher since, honestly, it really is just Wind In My Hair, but instead of Rapunzel wishing for something, she’s doing something. Overall, good song.

10.) Everything I Ever Thought I Knew

It’s . . . complicated. The song is so beautiful, I love the opening lyrics and Zachary Levi. Just. . . .  just Zachary Levi. However, I’ll admit that I’m not a fan of the whole “Dark Prince Eugene” thing. I never wanted it to be true, and I was low-key disappointed when it was revealed to be true. (Not devaluing the DPE theorists. Just not a personal fan of it being canon.) Still, I think the song does express Eugene’s feelings pretty well and it is kinda amusing when you realize he’s just having an identity crisis. All in all, we’ve waited a long time for a Eugene solo, and though I wasn’t thrilled about the context, still a fantastic song, and I’ll listen to it many times over.

9.) Wind in My Hair

The first full song I listened to from the show, sung beautifully, gives the show a great starting point, feels like a classic Disney princess song, and I simply love it. Next.

8.) Next Stop Anywhere

Great intro song to Season 2! It’s catchy, has amazing singing from the 3, and just a wonderful song. Yea, more unnecessary talking here and there that should’ve been cut out, but I love this song too much. Just like Wind in My Hair, I don’t have a logical reason why I love the song as much as I do. I just do!

7.) I’ve Got This

I love the opening notes to this song and it drags you right into it! It’s really fun to sing along to and pretend to be the angry citizens. Mostly, I love how the song progressively goes from upbeat and positive, then to worry, then to panic, then eventually to sadness. It’s catchy and upbeat, yet depressing and slow, and I love it. (Also, kittens)

6.) Buddy Song

Okay, first, can I just say how much I love the context of this song. While the majority of the other songs have an important meaning behind them or are there for some logical reason, the literal purpose of this song is just because Eugene and Lance are drugged up on flowers and that’s it. Usually, I’d be critical to scenes that are pointless or don’t push the story, but here, I have NO problem with it. It’s so fun and enjoyable in how carefree it is. Not only that, but add Zach and James singing like they are having the time of their lives (and not about to die) all to a jazzy beat and you have a musical masterpiece. I was waiting for this kind of song, and I was not disappointed in the slightest!

5.) Ready As I’ll Ever Be

The first two notes of this song should win an award alone. I love the intensity of this song and how epic it all feels. It stands as an amazing group number, as well as its own song separate from the context. Everyone gets to shine in this song, and it all has a very grand feel to it. Also, it really is the only song of its kind in the whole soundtrack. It’s “the epic theme song before going into battle” song. It’s amazing and really deserves the praise it gets (and then some.)

4.) View From Up Here

Admittedly not the most “dramatic” song. However, there is just so much about this song I love. First, I never expected Mandy Moore and Eden Espinosa to sound so good together! Imho, their harmony is one of the best in the show. Their voices blend so amazingly together and though they are different kinds of singers, they sound so in sync and the difference in their voices add so much! Also, even though this is like “whimsical exploring song # 12943,” it has this energy and charm to it that I can’t describe. The way it’s sung + the instruments make it sound so carefree, weightless, and whimsical. I feel I have no care in the world listening to it. Also, it’s upbeat and catchy (as always) Love it, love it, love it! (Also, the entire song is actually extended from what they sing in the episode, so that’s even better!)

3.) Waiting in the Wings

3 words: Eden Freakin’ Espinosa. Her voice was absolutely perfect for this song. Cassandra singing about her dreams and feelings towards being looked-over are expressed so well in the lyrics, the music, and in the emotion and power in Eden’s voice. It’s not only just an amazing song on its own, but it also gives insight into the character and makes us understand her struggles. I love the how gradually it builds up emotion just like in a classic Broadway song and the final note. Holy crap, THAT HIGH NOTE THO. I adore this song, and it definitely deserves to be in my top 3.

2.) With You By My Side

I’ve been singing this all the time since the end of season 2, and it has never gotten old. The highs and lows each singer reaches in each part sound great, the melody is catchy and hopeful, yet a little solemn and sad. It sounds great and has so much emotion put into each note. The instrumentals are enough to get me to listen to this song! Also, the song itself is a milestone in the character’s relationship that went from acquaintances/ enemies to the best of friends who can’t do anything without the other. It’s a song that means friendship, trials, hope, and the end of a journey. (Or at least that’s what they thought >:))

1.) Let Me Make You Proud 

No, I’m not a hardcore Varian fan or Jeremy Jordan fan. Not really even a Broadway fan. What I’m saying is that this song, to me, is perfect. The performance, the music, the context, the instruments, and even the nostalgic feeling I get when listening to this. It’s flawless. Jeremy Jordan is amazing at expressing emotion not through just his voice, but his singing as well. Him playing an emotionally vulnerable 14-year-old who is anxiously traveling through a snowstorm all to save his dad who he isn’t sure will even survive the mistake he made, but his motivation is what’s getting him through, adds so much emotion, personality, and power to this character and song. Also, my memories of watching the D23 panel (on youtube. I wasn’t there) when this was being played over a montage of clips we have and haven’t seen before, exciting us for what was to come, was one of the greatest experiences ever. What else can I say? Just . . . perfection.

Super long post, but I’m happy with my selection and I can’t wait for Season 3!

[defconprime]

TREKMATCH! # 350 - Voyager's "Meld" vs 2008's Star Wars: The Clone Wars

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS

BFFs (well, maybe not forEver ever), Ani and Obi are fighting some robots when they get a new mission: save Jabba the Hutt's son! Also Anakin is now adjunct teaching a young Jedi student named Ahsoka Tano (no health insurance, no sick days, like a hundred preps). Escorting cute baby versions of established ugly Star Wars species seems to be a recurring theme in these Star Warses it seems. Clone Wars as a series is the best prequel-era stuff but this, the movie that launched it, kinda stumbles out of the gate.

GRADE: C-

STAR TREK: VOYAGER - "Meld"

An engineer gets murdered so Tuvok is on the case- oh, the murderer just admits it. Guess that one solved itself. Tuvok is curious about why some person would just kill because he likes it, so he does some mental investigation and catches a case of the murders. Oh and the murderer is played by Brad Dourif, best known as voice of Chucky!

GRADE: C+

Victory to Trek, tying things up at 175!

Trek is up on Wars 2-1!

[fortunatelylori]

Why the Jon/D*any romance doesn’t work (Part 5)

Hey, guys! This last part of my “Why the Jon/Dany romance doesn’t work” series was taken down in the great Tumblr purge and I am now reuploading it. I got a few messages from people wanting to read it and I’m really sorry it’s taken this long to get it back up again. But here it is! :)

This is actually the second part of the “More than 2 is a crowd” section of the series but since it got very, very long I split it up.

Welcome to Days of GOT, the soap-opera where your captor turns into your lover only to turn into your aunt:

The “we’re fucked but not in a good way” scene

As a general rule, I’ve decided not to take into consideration what any of the people involved in this TV show say in interviews or behind the scenes. They very willingly and intentionally mislead the audience and lie to our faces. I don’t hold it against them but I’m not going to spend my time analyzing and commenting on something that may very well be the writers screwing with me.

However, I find it very interesting that Kit Harrington said that he thought this was the scene where Jon and Dany started liking each other. Because this is, by far, the nicest, friendliest conversation they’ve ever had. It’s almost, dare I say it, human-esque.

Here, I’ll even give you some examples:

Jon: No one is less happy about this than I am.

Dany: I know. I respect what you did. Wish you hadn’t done it but I respect it.

Wow! Appreciation and respect … where have you two been for the duration of this plot?

Dany: […] We weren’t extraordinary without them (dragons). We were just like everyone else.

Jon: You’re not like everyone else.

Hello, validation! Nice to see you again, old friend.

See? Even I’ve been generalized into submission. He’s lucky he’s cute. That’s all I got to say.

Dany: I can’t have children.

Jon: Who told you that?

Dany: The witch who murdered my husband.

Jon: Has it occurred to you she might not have been a reliable source of information?

Dany, you lucky girl! You’ve just been struck by the ever elusive Jon Snow joke! Revel in it for it only comes out to play once a season.

So, all of this is very touching … I mean, I say very …. Mildly, in the near vicinity of touching. It would have been even better had this happened earlier and not in their last private conversation but at this point, beggars can’t be choosers.

However, once you strip away this veneer of friendliness, you do find some quite troubling things in this scene.

Firstly, there’s the main issue they are discussing:

Dany: This place was the beginning of the end for my family. […] A dragon is not a slave. They were terrifying, extraordinary. They filled people with wonder and awe and we locked them in here. They wasted away. They grew small and we grew small as well.

The problem with this speech is that it creates a conundrum for both the audience and Jon. Because Jon’s already heard the flip side of this particular coin, directly from his BFF, Jorah:

Missandei: Why did they build it? (the Dragonpit)

Jorah: Dragons don’t understand the difference between what is theirs and what isn’t. Land, livestock, children … Letting them roam free around the city was a problem.

So how does Jon resolve this issue? He doesn’t. He simply listens to Dany, looks around the Dragonpit and keeps his mouth shut.

Are we to understand that Jon Snow simply doesn’t care about children being burned alive because he wants Dany and her dragons to be as terrifying and awe inspiring as possible?

Isn’t it more likely to assume that Jon simply does what he’s always done in conversations with Dany, essentially keep his thoughts to himself and allow her to think whatever she wants? Which can only mean that despite their pleasantries, their dynamic is essentially the same it’s been since the cave scene. Which, by extension, means we’re just going round and round in ever increasingly polite circles.

Great! I got all excited with no rose petal covered way to go.

Then there’s this:

Dany: You were right from the beginning. If I trusted you, everything would be different.

Jon: So what now?

Dany: I can’t forget what I saw North of the wall. And I can’t pretend Cersei won’t take back half the country the moment I march North.

Remember when I said that Jon had no reason to bend the knee because Dany had already promised to help him defeat the Night King?

Tin foil hat: You know nothing, fortunatelylori!

Shut up, you!

Yes, Jon! You heard that right! A near death experience by either zombification or drowning, a dead uncle and a bent knee later and all you have to show for it is a better placement on Dany’s list of priorities. It used to be -100 before but now the goddamn apocalypse is neck and neck with Dany and Cersei’s competition for a piece of furniture. Enjoy!

The “what is fear of assassination anyway when my hormones are out of wack” scene

I could analyze every line in this scene but I prefer to cut through all the boring travel arrangements that no one paid attention to and cut to the chase:

Jorah: My queen, love of my life, end all be all of my existence, your safety is paramount to me. Please fly to Winterfell and not risk getting blood all over your pretty blond wig.

Jon: Aaa ... I mean it’s your choice, obviously, but ... would you rather fly and be safe or get on a boat and possibly have sex with me?

Dany: Sex with Jon  on a boat, definitely.

However, I will say this is a very interesting line:

Jon: It’s your decision, your Grace. But if we’re going to be allies in this war, it’s important for the Northerners to see us as allies.

It sort of feels like Jon is not giving Dany a choice at all. It’s more of a “my way or the highway” type of proposition but again Dany’s too far down the rabbit hole to notice the difference.

The “this better be good, guys! The whole of Westeros is watching” scene

I’d love to link to b0atbang here but Tumblr hates that scene as much as we do. So for your convenience, I have decided to put my considerable artistic talents to good use and I have drawn what I believe is almost an exact representation of it:

Guys, I spent almost 30 seconds in Paint doing this so please show me some love. Tread carefully, Tumblr, for you are treading on my dreams!

We started this section of the series talking about the “more than 2 is a crowd” rule so it seems only fitting that we should end with this: the most crowded sex scene since whatever porno film you watched last night.

There are 6 people involved in this scene and that’s excluding the actual two people that are having sex! Six people, most of them related to one or both Jon and Dany.

We have Jon’s mother but also Dany’s sister in law, Jon’s uncle but also adoptive father, Jon’s real father but also Dany’s brother, Jon’s brother who is actually his cousin, Jon’s best friend and also family member to the victims of Dany’s latest dracarys incident and lastly Dany’s closest adviser and also ex-husband to Jon’s sister/cousin/the current possessor of a “part of him”. This is Days of our Lives gone terribly, terribly wrong.

I don’t think I have to explain why this is romantic plot suicide. A sex scene between a romantic couple is supposed to be intimate, tender, sometimes steamy. It not supposed to be the smallest part of an elaborate montage designed to tell us that the people currently engaged in the devil’s mambo number 5, are actually related as well as de facto rivals for the Iron Throne.

A lot of people have commented on the inherent issues with the set-up of this scene, from the lack of a first kiss (an absolutely crucial part of any romantic pairing), to the lack of conversation before or after , to the horrible transition from a dying, blood soaked Lyanna to Jon and Dany in the midst of physical abandon and up to Jon’s strange expression:

Jon: I don’t think Tinder is working out for me.

What I would like to do instead is show you a scene that has quite a similar setup to this: it starts off in a bed and also includes the dreaded body flip. This is incidentally one of my favorite sex scenes. I am, of course, talking about the sex scene between Achillies and Brisies in 2004’s Troy. When I uploaded this the first time, @lostlittlesatellites  mentioned in the comments section that this film was actually written by David Benioff, which I had forgotten. So not only did the D reuse this set-up for the Jon/Dany scene but actually is well aware of the salient differences between the two scenes, since, you know, he was involved in writing both of them. Another nail in the “Ds suck at their job which is why they couldn’t write a better romance” coffin, I guess.

I would love to put this scene up here in all its glory. However, since Tumblr is a prude that can’t handle the gorgeous physique of one Brad Pitt, I can’t. Just type Achillies and Brisies into youtube because it’s a more liberated platform, incidentally with far fewer Nazis lurking around. Also here is a pic of Brad’s gorgeous abs. Tumblr, eat your heart out!

The body flip:

The body flip in the Brisies/Achilles is counterbalanced by the knife. These kinds of flips are awkward when filmed in a wide shot but the fact that she’s holding a sharp object to Achilles’ throat moves our focus towards the character’s faces and not the awkward body movement.

Focus on details:

When you watch this scene, you’ll notice that a large portion of it is Achilles pulling up her dress and slipping his hand underneath the material. That becomes a very intimate movement that, in turn, creates expectation … And expectation creates interest. It has a much slower build-up than what we get with Jon/Dany and it’s that prolonged moment that makes it sexier.

It tells a story:

This is very important. Words in scenes aren’t there just to make the writer feel important. They set the tone, the level of intensity and make the audience feel like they’re a part of it, instead of being kept at arm’s length because they don’t have access to the character’s thoughts.

The Troy sex scene is a whole story in itself: We start with Brisies trying to kill Achilles but hesitating. We have Achilles admitting he will kill more men and daring her to go through with her plan. We have him flipping her and then tentatively kiss her as she finally gives up and drops the knife to the floor. This is an intimate, character driven scene that marks the transition of these two from enemies to lovers.

That’s not to say that Jon and Dany’s scene isn’t telling a story. The difference is that the story it tells is plot driven, not character driven. What makes their scene inherently interesting are the revelations we receive about Jon and how that will affect the plot moving forward. In that sense they become secondary characters in their own sex scene, just gilded cogs in a much larger plot wheel and far from breaking it, their sex scene is advancing it. To what end, I guess we’ll find out in season 8.  

 And that’s it, you guys! Hope you enjoyed this series. I do have a few ideas on what to write next but if there’s something in particular you’d like me to cover, let me know.

In case you haven’t read the other 3 parts of the series, you can find them linked below:

Part 1: Are D&D really idiots?

Part 2: Repetition and generalization are the death of romance

Part 3: When everyone and their mother has a different take on the same line of text

Part 4: More than 2 is a crowd

PS: none of the artwork in this meta belongs to me. Except for b0atbang which is the only piece of art worth mentioning anyway and which shall be hanging in a museum near you very, very soon.