mentallypretarded

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A perfect, graceously Godgiven opportunity to say "I destroy death stars for a living", and she spat in Gods face.

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Dreaming of working.. With animals.. For Michael Jackson..

had a wierd dream the other day where i was suddenly met with a very specific emergency. Apparently i was some kind of concert/venue coordinator at my local arena, where THE Michael Jackson were to preform, within an hour or two no less. One of the supervisors was panicing, and told me that MJ was refusing to go on stage because he was missing Bubbles (his chimpanze, who couldn't join him on the tour). "i talked to Bubbles' caretaker, but they told me Bubbles can't make it here until 12 hours or so. we have thousands of people waiting for MJ, what on earth are we gonna do? " - she said. Somehow my dream brain kicked in to problem solving mode, and i started handing out orders like a militairy sergeant. I somehow remembered that i know people (irl) with animal transporters, one guy working at the local zoo, and a friend who lives at a farm, and had staff go pick up any cute and cuddly animals they could logistically bring within the hour, hoping it would boost the spirits of MJ enough to preform before Bubbels arrived. sadly, i woke up before i could see how it turned out. i wish i could include this in my cv, because i felt pretty damn proud of my efforts.

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Felt kinda virtuoso, might delete later.

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Wanna piss off a narcissist? try my latest technique.

I call it "the apologetic criss-cross-counter technique ©" Y = You N = Narcissist Scenario: Heated argument with a self victimizing narcissist. Y: I hope you die! N: How dare you say that to me?! Y: [pause to imply contemplation] Sorry, I didn't mean to say that to you. N: I feel hurt, and you should be ashamed of yourself! Y: You're right, I didn't think before i spoke, and I'm really sorry. For all it's worth, what i really meant to say is that I hope you eat shit, and THEN die. N: [feel free to add an appropriate reaction]

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one of the tracks i included in my portfolio when applying for a music production program at university. and yes, i got in (in a class of 24 studens, out of 500 applicants, not to brag) (ok, i wanted to brag)

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I can' help but to utter a sorrowful "aww, Pluno" whenever there's a mention of Pluto. Must be hell to be way out there, perpetually locked in a dance with a misspelled Karen.

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Idea for a transgender cartoon: Spongebob Squaretits