#also both of them have not processed much theyre just keeping their focus on the horizon

[zarnzarn]

Athena shoots upright as soon as her eyes fly open, gasping. She calls on her spear and slashes in a brutal curve, provoking shouts from the enemies who'd been holding her down as they back off. Bares her teeth in a snarl as she grabs the sheets off the bed to whip at the eyes of the assailants and-

Light floods into her eyes as they step away from her attack and she freezes as she remembers a flash of brightness too fast to escape, heat and burning like never before, electricity that seeped into her very bones, thunder that deafened, lightning that hurt-

"Get back!" She hears and turns unsteadily back to- back to where Apollo is pulling Ares back by the cape against the far wall. Apollo. Ares. Aphrodite, Aephestus, Artemis.

"Wh-" She manages, before she's bowled over, coughing. She has never done it before, and she can't stop it from happening- chest rattling as her knees give out, barely holding herself up with her spear in time to reach the bed. It doesn't stop, doesn't stop, plumes of smoke escaping her mouth as she can't stop, can't breathe-

"Athena," Hera whispers, and a rough hand gently touches her on the shoulder, handing her a glass of nectar. She accepts it gratefully, tilting her head back to down it. It's soothing like it's never been before, stoping the coughing at last and it clears her headache long enough to realize that she isn't in her armour- she's in a chiton.

"Where is my armour?" She rasps as soon as she can, wiping her mouth. Looks around- Apollo's chambers.

She'd always known being the favourite wouldn't protect her forever. But repeating the words didn't seem to reduce the hurt.

Nor the shaking fear.

"-not!" Apollo is saying, indignantly setting his hands on his hips. "Do you have any idea how hard you got hit? You're lucky I could even stabilize your aspect enough to reduce some of the damage, otherwise you'd still be having a seizure back at Mount Olympus!"

"Mount Olympus," Athena mutters oddly, without much intent to it. She tries to stand again and her vision suddenly cuts out, provoking a round of screams as she loses her balance.

When the world blurrily comes back into focus- and she doesn't like this, hates this sudden weakness; she's always been able to get back up from any blow, has never visited a medical chamber in her existence, even when they had to fight the Titans- she's in Ares' arms, oddly horizontal.

"Cease this stupidity, sister," Artemis hisses at her as she grabs onto Athena's arms to bring her back to the bed. "Calm yourself. You are alive. You are safe."

"My armour," Athena says, voice cracking, head rolling oddly on her neck, unable to look upright. She catches a glimpse of Aephastus holding onto a sobbing Aphrodite, staring at her with a strange sort of sorrow.

Something twinges in Athena's chest in reply, but she stumbles before she can address it, feeling a fission of panic at the instability before Ares' grip on her tightens enough to keep her upright. They're all staring at her like that, she realizes, with that same horrified heartbreak.

"Didn't Artemis just tell you to cease stupidity?" Ares barks, though it's rather quietly said, for him. He adjusts her on the bed until she can lean back against the pillows. His hands are shaking, and Athena stares at them with curiosity. "Weren't you the one to lecture me half to death about when to remove the armour?"

"What," She says weakly, then moans as an aftershock trembles through her, residual sparks humming maliciously as they exit her skin, leaving her trembling. "I- hmmm, what? What were- what were-"

"Athena, calm down, please, you're scaring us," Hera says, bangles jangling as she sits down next to her, taking one of Athena's hands with desperation. Athena tilts her head to squint, noticing the tears for the first time, before she shudders as her skin registers the heat, the unbearable heat.

"Scaring?" She murmurs when it stops, voice coming out smaller than she intended it to.

"Her fever keeps rising and falling," Apollo reenters the room before anyone can answer, carrying a large tub of some odd liquid. "Here, help me rub this on her skin, it should extract any remaining- any remaining lightning."

They all move towards the tub at the same time, dipping the cloths provided and then taking positions in a circle surrounding her. Athena stiffens, fingers twitching for a weapon, but the first touch of Hera's drenched cloth on her forehead makes her moan in relief, the blessed coolness of it making her melt back into the sheets. She has no strength to complain or protest when her fellow gods each take a limb to rub at, a sensation both horrifically terrible and unbearably good. She has never taken her armour off in her life.

"Easy, that's it," Apollo says coaxingly, lips downturned like he's trying not to cry. She whimpers as the cloth on her left leg suddenly burns as a spark escapes, instinctively pulling it away, but Aphrodite grabs it before she can and resumes rubbing, whispering apologies. She turns her head and weakly opens her mouth for the herb Apollo lifts to her lips, desperate for relief from the splitting headache.

She can't think. She can't think.

Athena has no idea how long it goes on, how long the other gods ignore their realms to tend to her. Slowly, they strike up a conversation, something light-hearted that she can't follow- different from their never-ending arguments and insults, as they talk about the past year and humourous stories and varied anecdotes.

Athena can't help but relax into it, the soft bed at her back and gentle hands massaging her sore muscles and warmth all around her. Feels something trembling within her since she first became aware of herself settling down with a sigh.

Until she suddenly smells ozone.

Hera and Apollo both notice her tensing up immediately, and look to where she can hear slow footsteps approaching. Apollo growls and shoots out a hand, bringing up the shields of his realm.

The conversation dies down as they all look to the side, at the distinct shadow at the other side of the curtain.

Rage, Athena realises, thoughts slow and muddied. They're angry with him.

"I will handle this," Hera says coldly, with the steel undertone that Athena strives for. She moves her cloth aside and leans down to kiss Athena on the forehead, like a mother would. "You rest, my daughter."

Athena's breath hitches, eyes burning. Nobody has ever cared for her, apart from Zeu-

Nobody has ever cared for her.

... Nobody has-

Hera turns sharply at the noise that suddenly escapes Athena, half hysterical laugh and half distraught wail.

"Did I win?" Athena asks desperately, pushing herself upright, ignoring the protests of the others as she pulls her limbs from their grasp. Hera stares at her and Athena grabs the side of the bed as she tries to lever herself up like a wild animal, demanding in a broken voice, "Did I win?"

A silence that stretches for a painful moment before- "Yes," Aephastus says, putting his hand on her shoulder to guide her back from the edge. "Yes, Athena, you won."

A strangled gasp of relief leaves her, making her light-headed as she leans back against the pillows. She shivers, then sobs- humiliation running through her before she hears an answering noise of sorrow from Aphrodite next to her, pressure all around as her five younger siblings embrace her carefully, gently, like she would break at any moment.

She's not the one who's been raped by a Titan's daughter for seven years.

The thought has her breath hitching, wiping her tears away with a hand that refuses to co-operate the first few tries. "I need to-"

"No," Artemis snaps, glaring at her. "I know you think of nothing but your work, but Athena, you cannot do it this time." Outside, Hera's and Zeus' voices rise as they begin to shout and scream. "You must rest."

"N-no, that's not- aah," She groans as another aftershock rips through her, leaving her panting and soaked in sweat when it's done. "I need to- I need-"

"Hermes has gone to his grandson," Aephastus says soothingly. "Peace, Athena. Your hero is free."

For a moment, it doesn't comprehend and she stares at him blankly. "Free," She repeats, words still infuriatingly faint and lilting. "He's free? I- I need my helmet, where is-"

"No, Athena!"

"Sister, please, you cannot resume your duties, you are in no state!"

"I need my helmet, please, please- just give me my helmet!"

Her cry echoes off the walls and she hears herself when it bounces back to her, broken and pleading and so unlike her she feels nauseous. Her siblings have gone silent and still at her begging, staring at her with shock and horror and fear and sorrow alike. Even Zeus and Hera have stopped talking.

Athena shakes, wishing she could rip this awful vulnerability out of her veins, wishes she could find a stone footing to stand on once more, wishes she wasn't in this horrible chiton.

"Please," She whispers.

Quietly, Aephastus gets to his feet and walks in the direction of the nearby drawers, where she can now see her belongings stacked up haphazardly, blood-stained.

"Sister, you must calm down," Aphrodite pleads. She takes her hands and Athena dazedly looks down at her, with her wide, scared eyes. Seizure, her mind registers finally from Apollo's earlier talk. Ah. She seems to have frightened them all. "You cannot afford a relapse."

Athena squeezes her fingers in acknowledgement, but reaches for the helmet when it's held out, dented and worn.

She touches the metal and feels the full force of seven years of silenced prayers hit her at once.

She's crying before she knows she's doing it, clutching the helmet to her chest as the warmth of the worship wraps around her like a shawl, and holds it tight against her as Ares tries to pry it away.

"No, no!" Apollo intervenes, shifting forward. He touches a hand to the helmet and suddenly the hymn bursts forth around them, loud even though the prayer itself is quiet and broken. Athena inhales at the feeling of it, soothing over the cracks in her own mind with their never-ending continuity, desolate, unbroken faith even when she never came to help-

He's still singing.

She shifts her hands on the helmet to make sure but- yes. Odysseus is calling her, still, at this very moment.

Her head snaps up, but even the dizziness the motion causes doesn't take away from how much clearer the room looks. "Where is he?"

"Sister-"

"If you do not answer me, I will take to the skies myself," She says firmly. "Where is he?"

Her siblings exchange looks.

"Three days out from Ithaka," Artemis replies with a sigh. "On a raft. But listen, wait but an hour, at least absorb these prayers-"

Athena stumbles off the bed and pulls on the helmet, closing her eyes.

"Wait, the bandages-!"

"Athena, you'll hurt yourself, please!"

"Daughter, be careful!"

Athena opens her eyes and looks out at the waves, rough and choppy, but not enough to sink the raft. She looks down and looks at the way the faded clothes don't fit him, the way he has no water left to drink but he still continues to sing.

"Odysseus," She says, and he freezes.

A wave rises and falls. They stay silent, unmoving.

"Won't you look?" The words break out of her, cracked and desperate.

He inhales and exhales, tears in the sound of it. "I don't want to look if you're... if you're not really here."

She swallows against the lump in her throat, takes a step forward. "Well, I-" Her voice cracks, but the fragile grin on her face is real as it spreads, the frailest thread of laughter entering her voice. "I would hope. That if you were hallucinating of me, that the spectre would at least have wisdom enough to tell you that you were."

Odysseus sobs and her heart cracks, feels his heart cracking in turn; yet it is akin to a misaligned bone that never healed right and has to be reset- she can hear the laughter before it comes, with relief coming from the brink of madness, with joy they'd both forgotten and missed. "It is you."

"I could not reach you on Ogygia," She blurts out, desperate to make him understand. "Could not hear your call. I would have come the second time you prayed, if I had."

"It is you," He whispers, swaying. A wave rises suddenly and they both burst into movement, grabbing ropes and pulling the mast, balancing together to keep it steady.

The wave passes. They are almost touching now.

"Won't you look?" Athena asks again, raw and grieving. "Odysseus. My companion, my friend. Please."

He turns at that, a stunned expression on his face- before it turns into wide-eyed horror as he looks at her. She laughs breathlessly, slightly dizzy, but- her friend. How lovely it is to see him again.

"Athena!" He rushes forward with unexpected vitality, the parts of him that she knew suddenly rising to light in his eyes, in his movements, becoming unhidden from the defeated, beaten figure he'd been moments before. "What in Gaia's name-"

"I'm sorry," She interrupts as she slumps forward into the hands on her arms, off-balance. "I should have tried better to understand, all those years ago. I understand now and I- Odysseus, I am-"

"Athena, shut up," Odysseus snaps, clearly panicking. She laughs again, because isn't it such a novelty, to have a person who will have the audacity to tell her to? "Of course it's forgiven, I'm sorry too, I should have fucking listened back then- but listen, what in Hades happened to you? Why do you look like this- why do you have bandages- Hermes wouldn't answer when I asked if something happened to you, fuck-"

"Peace," Athena rasps, even as her vision blinks in and out, forcing her to kneel. They both grimace as another wave crashes into the raft, but they don't upturn. Odysseus kneels down with her, staring at her with such worry and concern she can feel nothing but fondness. "The disagreements of gods are often violent."

"Gods-" His eyes flicker to the side of her face, and he frowns, reaching out to push back the helmet. She bends her face down to let him, feeling an odd burning on the left side that she has a vague bad feeling about- proved right when Odysseus' expression falls into blank horror. "You got into a fight with-"

"Yes."

"But he's your-"

"I know. He did not take kindly to my petition to release you," She smiles dryly, without mirth.

"To release me?" Odysseus wheezes, face cracking into anguish and disbelief alike. "Athena, what- I- I'm not worth-"

"It was worth it," She snaps. "Consider it my penance for abandoning my own. I certainly don't regret it."

"I never felt abandoned," Odysseus whispers, taking her hands as she shifts, supporting her body with his own as they lean against the mast. She looks at him, and remembers why Penelope is still weaving, why he's still out on the waters, why Ithaka is waiting out the suitors till Telemachus takes the throne. "I always knew you would come back. I just figured it would take ten years more, perhaps."

Athena is silent for a bit, absorbing that. And then, because she can't hold it back any longer- "I am sorry about your men." His breath hitches under her and she turns to take him in her arms, knowing what's coming. "I am sorry about your friends."

He sobs, ugly and loud, and she holds him tighter. "I am sorry that Titan's whelp had you for so long, and what she did to you. I am sorry the Fates were so unkind."

"Athena," He keens, finally falling to pieces. The sobs are mere loud gasps for air at first, before it dissolves into wailing, screaming, grieving for all the men they'd kept alive through a war, only to lose them to this cruel tragedy instead. Even she hadn't known- hadn't anticipated how wrong things would go after she left. Hadn't even thought that he hadn't reached home.

"It's all my fucking fault," He shouts, shaking. "If only I had- if only-"

"It is not. No one could have known," She whispers. "The Fates are unknown to us all."

He sobs louder and she closes her eyes.

But finally, their tears dry up. She holds him still, as the night fades and the sun rises again, trying to take his hurt into herself so he can be happy again.

"I am sorry," She whispers, seaspray around them. "That my enemies became your own. That I pushed you so hard. That I chose you, and brought pain to your life so."

"Hey now," Odysseus says, pulling back to look at her, a broken smile on his face. "Hold your blasphemous tongue, before you insult the wisdom of Pallas Athena." She laughs, even as tears spill over. "Even if I had the chance to choose again right at this moment, my goddess, I would still choose you."

"That means more than you know," Athena murmurs, overcome. She gathers all her strength and reaches out to run a hand over his head, soothing his mind and driving away the last tendrils of madness that were still holding onto him. He sighs and relaxes under her, some visible weight lifting from his shoulders. "Still. I will learn from my mistakes. If you would give your old friend a chance-"

"Stop right there. Of course I-" Odysseus scoffs, reaching out to hold her left cheek for emphasis. "Athena, your left eye is half gone."

"Ah. Well, that explains the depth perception," She mutters, then bursts into giggles at the incredulous look on his face.

"Are you drugged?" Odysseus demands, but he's already trying not to laugh himself. They both move on fast. "What am I saying, of course you are- have you been drugged this whole time? Who on Earth drugged you?"

"That would be me," Apollo says, crossing his arms.

Odysseus snarls, grabbing his sword and swinging wildly in an arc, half-animal in his panic, pushing Athena behind him.

"FUCKING- whoa, hey, calm down, it's her brother, it's Apollo!" Apollo half-shrieks inelegantly, jumping back. "Honestly! Athena, call off your hero, please."

"Apollo?" Odysseus tilts his head, lowering his sword and narrowing his eyes.

Apollo stares at him. "Wow, you two- really do act the exact same, huh. Yes, Apollo, god of please let me change your fucking bandages, do you mind?"

Odysseus bows and murmurs apologies, clearly wary of getting into more trouble, but to her mild surprise walks behind Athena instead of to the other side of the raft.

"I don't need assistance," She mutters to him, even as she grimaces at the length of the chiton as she tries to pull herself upright.

"You're still dizzy," Odysseus points out, settling in behind her to hold her steady. He wipes at the tears still on his face and smiles at her. She manages a half-smile back. "Do you need to go back to Olympus?"

"Yes," Artemis crosses her hands and Odysseus' fingers tighten painfully on her shoulders.

"I'm not quite certain there's space for so many on this raft," Athena mutters.

"It's a magical raft, it'll survive- but never mind that, could you not have at least sent a message that you were okay?"

"Well, maybe you should have thought of that before running off without a word!"

"Really, daughter, you should know better!"

Odysseus grip is bruising now, and his sword is in front of Athena protectively; she can already tell what moves he's planning to use if they choose to attack. "Who..?" He asks lowly.

"Pantheon. At ease," She replies back shortly, before looking up at the others. "I thank you, my fellow go- my family, for your worry and concern. But we are only two days out from Ithaka and I would like to see this journey completed."

"You are not going to see yourself completed, if you don't rest," Apollo says, roughly at the exact same time that Athena undermines her own argument by throwing up on the raft.

"Athena, go," Odysseus says urgently when it's over, handing her helmet back to her and adjusting her cape as Hera kneels down beside her to hand her another glass of nectar, looking at him oddly. Odysseus grimaces and changes his tone. "I will be fine, patroness. I'll call for you when I reach the shores."

Movement catches her eye and she sees Ares remove his own helmet, giving her a reproving look. She remembers the speech he was talking about now- the one she'd loudly ranted at him when she was drunk a year ago, thinks about how much more at ease he is now.

"Alright," She acquiesces and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. "Two days."

Mania fills Odysseus' eyes as he smiles back, finally home from a war twenty years ago. "Two days."

Athena grins, even as she feels Hera wrap an arm around her to take her away. "Penelope is waiting."

Odysseus' eyes widen, then fill with tears, like he'd never quite truly let himself believe it; but his smile is wide and true. "Penelope is waiting. Thank you, Pallas Athena."

"You don't thank friends," She murmurs, exhaustion settling in. Odysseus laughs and the last thing she feels is a warm hand on her cheek and their foreheads pressed together, before the world goes black and she knows no more.

[blasphemousclaw]

honestly i think the most that can be assumed from hornsent wearing the caterpillar mask is that hes okay with the jarring process, since it has such heavy connections to bonny village+the gaols, plus i think itd make an interesting parallel to marika where you have these two traumatized characters who lost everything to horrific acts of violence whod them go on to condone OTHER horrific acts of violence just because it happened to The Other Guy (hornsent losing his family to the crusade, being okay with jarring shamans cuz its an important ritual of his people and he desperately struggles to retain any last connection he can to them; marika losing her family to jarring, sending messmer to crusade against the hornsent without caring about his methods just so shed have her vengeance)

theres even something to be drawn about marika from how hornsents quest ends ("if miquellas redemption would quell the desire for revenge i feel, then i dont think i want him to redeem anything after all" <-poorly summarized dialogue lmao) wherein, combined with the shaman village lore, we can draw the parallel that marika didnt *want* her thirst for vengeance slaked, because much like how killing messmer didnt bring back any of hornsents people, becoming a god was equally disatisfying for marika. in much the same way marika tramples over corpses to become a god, hornsent metaphorically walks over messmers corpse to try and take his place as crusader, this time against the people of the erdtree.

it also paints messmer in a REALLY interesting light. hornsent is so consumed by revenge he doesnt focus on anything else beyond a nostalgic reminiscence. miquellas goal, as told to him, is to give the hornsent a chance at peace and to rebuild, and hornsent would rather sacrifice that to feed his own flames of vengeance. similarly we can assume marika never told messmer the location of bonny village or the gaols because theyre untouched by the crusade, despite definitely knowing where they are, and the gaols indicate that even after bonny village stopped sending jars, they remained in use by utilizing prisoners (potentially even prisoners of war+deserting soldiers) for at least SOME time before we find them. indicating that also, to marika, it was the death that was important. the fear, and the killing, and the slaughter. messmer by contrast sets up a clinic for the jarred shamans, is capable of being convinced against crusading and burning certain areas such as salza arguing in favor of sparing rauh, and has a library dedicated to the people hes genociding that stores information about their culture and anatomy (judging by the models he has hanging in the storeroom).

messmer, who places himself symbolically between the hornsent and marika to spare her the shame of being the face of the crusade, committing atrocities out of sympathy and love for his mother, vs hornsent who desires to commit atrocities out of an overwhelming need for revenge, vs marika who DID commit atrocities for revenge and desired them to never stop even if it meant losing the things she cared about (despite initially showering messmer with blessings and affection and special physiks, eventually she stopped saying anything at all about the war without grace or honor, and only miquellas prying reveals it all again, including the son she loved and left behind)

like UGHHHH i LOVEEE when characters have foils and you can use the patchwork of lore to help fill in the blanks about everyone theyre connected to

oh Hornsent and Marika are ABSOLUTELY meant to be parallels… both are on revenge quests where their goal is to keep killing and killing until every single person related to their enemy is dead. Marika has Messmer burn the Hornsent cities to the ground in vengeance for her murdered village, but most of these people were civilians, farmers… familes and their children who had probably never even seen a jar — their only crime was to be part of the same society.

Hornsent, though he despises Marika and Messmer for burning his family to death, does exactly the same thing that she did: he vows to kill Marika and ALL her kin, and he goes after us even if we helped him simply because we are one of Marika’s chosen. It doesn’t matter that we gave him scorpion stew and that I’m sure deep down he wants to like us, we were always marked for death in his eyes just because of who we are.

This is exactly the purpose of the caterpillar mask… feeling any guilt or regret about his actions would get in the way of Hornsent’s sworn mission. Hornsent having this mask implies that he had some knowledge of what the potentates did and sought out their attire for their violent rituals as a touchstone for his own violent quest. A lot of people act as if the jarring process was something the entire hornsent population explicitly believed in and supported, and it’s true that the practice is basically built into the society’s entire prison system, but the ritual slaughter and jar worship are implied to be esoteric practices carried out only by specific groups of people… I highly doubt this is a practice that every Hornsent knows of intimately and enthusiastically supports. And we know some did explicitly oppose the jar rituals; the greater potentate who wrote the cookbooks we find was disgusted by the practices of his village. So Hornsent finding and wearing the potentate mask is like him knowingly embracing the darkest, most violent parts of his society in order to use them against their enemies.

Messmer’s position in this story really is interesting because with Hornsent’s quest, he’s set up to be like his “final boss,” the guy who cruelly slaughtered his people and called them savages. But when we actually get to Messmer, he’s so much more subdued then we’d have thought, like an apathetic shell of his former self… he doesn’t even verbally acknowledge Hornsent’s presence, like he means nothing to him. The war against the Hornsent was never Messmer’s war, it was Marika’s. Messmer carried out this violence in vengeance for his mother and her village, but when Marika stops speaking to him altogether, the war starts to feel more and more like pointless violence, like he’s just going through the motions.

I won’t go so far as to say that Messmer had much sympathy for the Hornsent he was murdering; the specimen storehouse was more of a project said to be created by his fire knights who were uncomfortable about letting an entire society’s knowledge go up in flames (but chose to burn it anyway). but he absolutely has a different attitude than his mother… he feels more like her tool… used up and discarded

and lol no worries

[johnslittlespoon]

hi sorry i can't stop thinking about your leaving!bikeriders au aaaaaa

big tough intimidating gale and his sweet little puppy boyfriend is just *chefs kiss*

but also just the potential for the future of these two is driving me crazy

john's always been a little smaller than gale, or just the fact that he's so pretty thin and lanky makes him seem smaller in comparison

but the years go by and suddenly he's got a couple inches on gale and he's beefy as all hell

gales loves it

gale gushing to his biker buddies about his baby bucky and then this brick wall of a man walks up and theyre all like holy shit

and bucky never loses his puppy tendancies, he just kinda becomes like a big dog that doesn't know his size, draping himself all over gale and almost crushing him in the process

and also gale with a little white in his beard im going insane

au post | STOP IT THIS MADE ME SO <33 i loooove this (also it won't let me add a 'read more' without messing up the images so forgive this wall of text lol)

just the thought of them growing so close and their lives intertwining over the years, sorting through their issues, getting over every hurdle and going through so much together. gale in a suit bringing flowers to john's college graduation, john getting a part time job despite gale's protests because he wants to help out but also so they can take a celebratory vacation together when he finishes his exams :((

they meet when john looks like this sweet little thing in his second year of college, early 20s, shy and still growing into gangly limbs:

and then suddenly a couple years have passed and he's graduating and he looks like this twunky frat boy (gale realizes somewhere in the first few months of living together that john's vision is absolute dogshit and john's just been writing it off as a lack of focus lmfao so he forces him to an eye doctor):

and part of gale feels a little bit sad when john doesn't have to tilt his chin up to kiss him properly anymore because yk it's like watching a puppy grow up lol but mostly he's just. insane. about his boy. he's in love with his brain, and getting to see him grow confidence and become at peace with himself over the years only makes him more infatuated (and he'll be damned if he doesn't go a little crazy at the feeling of muscular thighs beneath his hands when he's got john pinned down) <3

gale's friends going a good chunk of time without seeing john during his last year of college because john's so busy juggling part time and cramming for his final exams, and when he finally does show up at the pub or biker club or whatever just before summer, there's jokes about "what the hell have you been feeding him, buck?" because that is not the lanky awkward pretty boy that had been hanging off of gale's arm the summer before. although john's absolutely still the same personality–wise, still crawling into gale's lap whenever he can, making gale carry him to bed, loving to sit on the floor by the couch between gale's legs so gale has to lean down to kiss him. :')

maybe john gets an internship after graduating and ends up working part time at the mechanic shop instead of his old part time since gale can give him whatever hours he needs to balance the internship and income (i'm pretty sure that's what i'll have gale's job be, running a car and bike shop, because yk it just checks out). john does a lot of heavy lifting and physical activity working there and bulks tf up and it makes him feel so much more confident in himself and gale would lose his mind at the way john's work shirts stretch across his broad shoulders hsdgdskhj !?!

and oh my god yes salt and pepper beard gale. john would go fucking feral over him, catching himself staring all the time, as if he doesn't already do that enough. they both become more and more attracted to each other as time goes on, like they keep waiting for the 'honeymoon' phase to end but it just doesn't, even through whatever conflicts and fights they go through, even once they fall into routine and domesticity– they're just as crazy about each other sigh.

thx. these two are gonna live rent free in my head forever. i love them so much and i haven't even written them yet fml. ALSO THANK U FOR UR OTHER ASK WITH ALL THE BIKER INFO!!! i will absolutely msg u if i have questions ur a life saverrrr omg. i screenshot and saved that ask to my drafting doc bc god knows i'm gonna need it SJKDJG ur awesome <33

[s0lar-ch3ri]

when cheri has ocs

its time to go silly mode.

LETS TALK ABOUT MY OCS FOR ONCE IN FOREVER :D

OKAY SO LIKE. paige (he/xey). 16 year old paige. he got multiple arms and shit, can grow up to 20 extra, and uses sign mainly to communicate as hes slowly losing his hearing (hes like at 40 as of rn, would be more but Events happened and it went down a LOT quicker)! he is a pd oc and has a nephew named collins (who ill talk about more either later or in a diff post, depends how i feel) and like. lets get into his silly lil thigns (putting a read more cause long rambles tee hee)

(OH AND NELF IK YOU FOLLOW ME. NO NO READING FOR YOU. or actually any of my friends in the rp sighs)

POWER INFO:

the arms can pop out basically anywhere on the back and sides of the torso (this does include the shoulders)! they can all be given different tasks to do, but paige prefers to have them all do the same things. the arms function like regular arms, and can be hidden on command. the arms arent really stored, they just appear. xeir skin though does has a faster scar-making process as to handle the arms that pierce out.

DRAWBACKS/DOWNSIDES/WEAKNESSES:

the arms do pierce the skin each time, and while xeir skin is able to form back at much quicker speeds, it still aches a bit when their first pulled out. the pain can last for longer and hurt more dependent on how many arms are pulled out. from this, everything becomes strange sensory wise and attempting tasks (like restraining someone or even picking something up) becomes a lot harder.

to command the arms to do different things requires a lot of focus on the arms. the more complicated, or the more arms doing all different things, the commands to the arms are, the less outside information is to taken in as to keep a focus over all the arms.

if an odd amount of arms is in use, it can cause an unbalance. its similar to phantom limb in a way, being incomplete in its set.

the arms can randomly pop out unexpectedly. whether its because of a fear response or he just had the misfortune of having them, it always hurts like hell (more then normal, and because of their wild nature, it doesnt really go away) and takes a bit to put away. he also becames basically unaware of his surroundings as all his focus goes into controlling these arms.

with the wild arms and shit, they also can damage paige. they are not under paiges control (unless, ofc, the focus thing) and as such squirm around. however, things can escalate and the arms seem to have a mind of their own, able to aimlessly grab and rip at things. this includes paige.

BACKSTORY:

paige had started noticably going deaf at the age of 8. for a couple years, they (xeir parents) tried to have paige speak, but eventually (when he was like 9 or 10) they just had him learn sign. also around the age of 8, paige had noticed the arm thing, but managed to hide them easy. hes a lil transgender guy and uses binding tape (he/xey btw should have said that sooner)! he ended up telling his nephew his secret (moreso because he caught him once and paige just decided to explain it all). as of current, paige is in highschool (where he gets picked on i mean hes a disabled kid hello??), able to balance both being a hero and a student pretty well (he may be failing a couple classes but like. surely he can fix it).

THE SECRET:

paige doesnt actually have "xeir" own powers. its a parasite, implanted into his brain. whether by accident or not (still havent decided), it was implanted around the birth of paige and is slowly eating away. its why the arms can be very wild and shit, theyre not really belonging to his control or him at all. it wasnt really identifiable and it isnt noticed by paige. so uh yeah

[forgingecgs]

droog - droog would have to most boring dreams i feel like he doesnt have to repress anything and his subconsciousness doesnt hold as many unknown things as slicks and his inner worlds existent but its really boring.

hed have realistic dreams about everyday tasks. and slick is there sometimes with the same role as he has every day and he wakes up still feeling tired after dreams with slick in it

hed know that they reveal a part of his subconscious and he might use it  to solve some of his problems or as a reason to reflect on something

slick – slick has so much repressed it would be a little crazy once it starts decompressing. it would still have an abstract form so it would be dreams where he has both normal arms but the right one goes limp or becomes paralysed or he plays at a concert and he keeps playing off-note and missing the keys. it would be like a window into how he sees it and the way it limits his actions and affects his life would have a more abstract expression

also the realism in his dreams could vary his inner world is on life support but he still has a way of processing and expressing reality in a deformed way the fact that he uses drawings for his schemes and starts role playing with it

and the fact that a lot of things have a chance to be internalised by him if they reach his views/world in any way.  a less meaningful side of it would be that once he watches some movie and given that it keeps his attention and makes any impression on him he may unknowingly start to act slightly like the character he thought was cool or the character that reminded him of himself but i dont think hed be able to acknowledge that any characters like him hed just agree with whatever it says or he might hate it for whatever reason that he wont acknowledge in himself

the point is his mind has the ability to go to such places unlike droogs

slicks dreams would also consist of him going somewhere being in the process of some mission or a goal while droogs would be like random snippets of s day the most important element would be whats the main focus of the situation like he may be shopping or making coffee and its more in the moment while slicks more in the future

he might get vivid, realistic dreams about convoluted heist plans and something going terribly wrong and these would happen if theyve got upcoming heists and then he might get more careful and paranoid if too many elements overlap with the dream or get an urge to use the dream as an advantage but hed never allow that consciously he doesnt believe in dreams or that they make any sense at all

it could be about his past on derse too, really anything thats currently on his mind. or he gets sex dreams where hes running on all fours with a pack of dogs

deuce – deuce has  both realistic and abstract dreams and theyre usually about his wants like slick praises him in them or he takes a family photo with the crew. then the rest is the kind where hes a sausage in the sausage cooker rotating with other meats or that he turned into a beetle and drinks out of a droplet. it also could be dreams consisting of the things he forgot during the day and he wakes up and it feels surreal to him but then he remembers what it was about and hes happy he remembered and plans to take care it during the day but then he forh=gets the dream after a minute

boxcars – boxcars just doesnt have any dreams its like a black hole

then once every few months he gets a series of very typical dreams

hed just have the most normal dreams like every other person, it would be something like a classic example of a dream that would be shown in a cartoon. he could dream about being back on derse and getting lost in its winding architecture while he doesnt have his top on and everyone he works with sees him naked. or he dreams about running away from something and falling. hed have so many falling dreams

after being stuck in the horse calendar on rare occasions hed be dreaming about being back there grooming horses and feeding barn animals and watching month long sunsets in low quality print but that’s the most original it gets for him

[nixierain]

Alright poll time I will hopefully remember and find

Woah I havent showed you much of these, but a recap anyway about the and just an intro ig under the cut if you wanna learn more, feel free to ask questions too!!

DoveTech/LividMetals: Rival companies taking place in California, both majoring in robotics and experimentation. Lots of lore. Makn inspirations: Qualia Automata (Team 6x111) and FNAF. Yall should know about the Fritz family by now, I also got an rp blog for this at @dovetechandlividmetals

Bromind Deities: Bromind is one of my main worlds (2nd newest world as well), the deities were created by the Goddess light and split into two sections; The Astral deities and the Terestrial Deities. The Astrals being; Neptune, Void and Nebula and the Terestrials being; Myca and Fawn (theyre gay). They control over different things. And theres a hierarchy ofc!

Bromind False deities: This plot focuses on Siri (the False deity of the stars) and when she was rejected by Light for Nebula. Then Siri gets vengeful and with Voids help she makes a new hierarchy

Fumbling: Follows Liam and Mason's journey through Harkton Boarding highschool, and being gay they find friends with; Dereck (Drake), Dixie, River, Reef, Kayla and Addicus. Though since middle school our two mc's have been bullied by Mark and his friends. Though some things happen and everything goes askew, throwing thier whole life off balance. This is my gay story, and L and M were my first Gay characters (shocking aint it) I made them in 7th grade

Deadbeat Outlaws (DBO): This story follows two trouble makers, Zach and Craz. The lore has changed a LOT since when I first made it, though I kept the name. Its not fully completed and I don't know how much I want to change so I dont have much to put here

Hellena stuff: this has a LOT of lore and came even before Dragonopolis, like I grew up with this world cause its my lego world that got shaped into this. So the story would be one of many that are with the three heros, Nate, Flower and Nightshade. Nate and Flower have also been tied to DoveTech. But this would focus on their hecktic life of being hero's and going insane to the point where one goes evil and takes over, forcing the other two to have to save the lives, and a lot more!

11:11: Follows the story of a 14 year old girl with ADHD who wishes to not be bored one morning while she eats breakfast, this wish comes true and she gets transported to Trifullium and meets Fenn, the two have to work together to get Mayabelle (the girl) home, eventually falling in love in the process.

Everdollskin: my ragdoll world thing! And my most recent world I've built. Unsure of what part you want me to focus on, but itd probably be either Fargo and Evendor's story and Evan and Bens! Full lf twists and turns and of course Ragdolls and horrors, tears and all!

Apollo: Sooooo, Apollo is one of my newest Oc's, hes got a bunch of lore already though. So he's one of my Yandere's. I know he looks gay (people are arguing with me when I say hes "straight" sl we made a compramise and said he only likes one oerson and that happens to be a girl, and also ig hes bi) But he meets Mae and falls totally head over heels for her, but she... HATES him. Now join him in stalking his new found obsession and killing off anyone she dates!

[yuukei-yikes]

Tell us about Shinaya’s breakup :D

HEHDJEIDNEKFJEKDKEK ive had this ask since i posted i was thinking abt it MAN i cannot express to u i just. I WANNA WRITE A FIC SO BAD but AUGH im so bad at it it makes me cringe i cant do that but its basically like all my damn posts together u know. i keep thinking of shintaro's disastrous relationships post str going from ayano to kano to takane etcetc sorry im playing with him like a stress toy making him go thru hell but its so fun

srry i dont wanna have to rewrite a lot of stuff so erm im liking this answer 🫡🫡🫡 and i could link a bunch more just so u SEE MY VISION... but i think linking that is enough. ON AND OFF SHINAYA MY BELOVED

shintaro and ayano sort of having this ridiculous relationship because both are hurting and jumped in a relationship too quick but fighting/being sad about stupid shit is so much easier than dealing with their actual issues that they've got with themselves. like focusing on each other and what they don't like about each other and their relationship is so much easier than crying about how suicidal they are. lollllll SO LIKE this insanity sort of saves them at the same time??

i mean the most ideal would be that instead of getting together they got therapy and the normal kind not the relationship kind. you know. but also theyre traumatized and ugh. its so much easier to resent each other than themselves. its so much easier to be petty. its such a relief to cry over relationship problems than over timeline resets or dead parents and etc. YOU GET ME?????

they keep breaking up and getting back together ridiculously like it is 1000% so dramatic each and everytime. ayano crying her eyes out like its the end of the world and shintaro making 100 sad playlists. and it happens at least monthly. the first time everyone's like WHOA THEY BROKE UP!?!? SHIT!! the second time its like heyyy maybe they'll work it out like last time!! third time its like are you joking. fourth time they're already begging them to stop. by they i mean the dan but especially takane by the way. who do you think is picking up the pieces.

and by the way the one breaking up all the time and being dramatic as hell is shintaro. he gets angry and annoyed and weaponizes the LETS BREAK UP thing because he DOESNT MEAN IT. like he knows he and ayano will work it out later. he gets comfortable again. not to get on the ayano surviving thing, but i think ayano (and hiyori but especially ayano) making it out alive undoes a big part of the message abt moving on. like i love her so im not complaining thats i love having her alive :3 but i like to translate this into shintaro like. he's intensely trying to repress/process all the memories of the other timelines to cope and have a normal life and ends up being this way because he's sort of self sabotaging himself. like ayano's alive and she likes me??? lol. ok?? ill wake up any moment now!! and he feels guilty and undeserving and is sort of a dickhead to her in an unconscious attempt of keeping her away because that's what he deserves according to him. also why he's accepting of takane's intense obsession with him lol bc she's familiar and she is comfortable, unlike ayano who is so rare and one in its kind in all the timelines. he is sort of terrified of her in a way.

the lets break up isnt rly a breakup. its just a leave me alone see u later. LOL i think we talk too much abt kanoshin bringing the worst in each other but what about shinaya. they do that too. yeah we CAN have fluffy shinaya. but like i said it is so easy to focus all this bitterness and sadness into each other and it's so relieving to be sad and angry about this rather than everything else. because this is sort of in their control while everything else isn't, wasn't. and its so unfair. of course its unfair!! but they cant do anything abt it. so they just go crazy on each other. ayano is DESPERATE to be needed. i could link more replies but i will hold myself back. basically her siblings are used to being alone/know she has her own problems and ayano is dealing with this emptiness and feeling of failure bc no one needs her, from her perspective her sacrifice still failed to save everyone, her parents are gone so she needs to step up. like she puts herself under all this pressure and feels Not Good Enough for ANYTHING. and she is dating shintaro.

it's EASY to bother him and try to get him to open up and etc so she ridiculously focuses on that. but it gets on shintaro's nerves to say the least LOL plus all his other issues i mentioned 🫡plus she keeps being like we have to be normal. lets kiss and hold hands and cuddle. but she's too embarrassed to say it/do it and shintaro is even more pathetic about it. so theyre both frustrated about everything and can barely even sit next to each other without acting insane.

AND SORRY BUT I WILL TALK ABT TAKANE🫡💞💗💖💝💕💘ofc. codependent shintaka. of course. it drives ayano CRAZY because on top of all their problems takane is able to talk sense into shintaro each and every single time. and she is soooo jealous like she knows its stupid but she cant help ittt i ALSO TALKED ABT THIS SORRY I KEEP REPEATING MYSELF IM JUST SO CRzy abt it. hehe......the whole mess bringing drama to harutaka too bc shintaro and ayano are so messy theyre contagious is so fun to me. when it comes to shintaro and takane's horrible relationship both their romantic relationships suffer for it but deal with it completely differently. while both haruka and ayano deal with jealousy somewhat, ayano is so hurt and already at the verge of a mental breakdown so she's focusing so many negative emotions on it and AGAIN it just serves as another point of argument between shintaro and ayano while haruka is like. his mental state isnt as convoluted as ayanos, he's rather freaking out and terrified of being left alone. THIS IS ABT SHINAYA so i wont get into harutaka side but lol. heh. Looks at it. zooms in it. like what i mean is that haruka and takane talk and work through it and are like sighs yeah...this is messed up while shintaro and ayano are using it against each other instead of working on it LMAO

ANYWAYS. ayano breaks up with shintaro. vine boom. total breakdown moment like everyone out of the room i wanna talk to you alone. and this time its for REAL. like ayano isnt confrontational at all, all their arguments are always her being pushy abt idk mental health and shintaro's like godddd STOPPPPP and ayano crying and shintaro being like I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT. IM SORRY I GUESS. CAN U GET OUT OF THE ROOM. WE'LL TALK LATER. but he also sucks so bad at letting the other person know they can count on him so he kind of assumes ayano will do it when she's ready because he KNOWS she's in pain. like. ofc it could go well. ofc shintaro and ayano could work through everything with kindness and comprehension for each other but they're both so sad and suddenly find themselves annoyed at each other one time and it felt so freeing to do that that they just keep doing it. especially shintaro. having ayano be mad at him is sort of relieving because he feels undeserving of her and its like yeah. Yeah!! i know its ooc but shinaya screaming match.god. sorry but all their bottled up emotions abt everything and they take it out on each other for no reason other than theyre giving each other the space and it plays out that way. theyre acting crazy about something so stupid like shintaro not wanting ayano to wear his clothes or whatever. like they scream about that but its not about that. it just feels so good to scream. it feels so good to scream and let it out even if they haven't given themselves the time to process that theyre not... actually screaming abt that at all. theyre screaming about everything else. not even about each other. its about themselves. its always been.its never been about each other. when it is, its stupid. thats why they do it. its just easier. God. they were just not ready for a relationship, especially not one with each other out of all people.

ayano breaks first, therefore dumps shintaro lol. he goes thru his own fucked up arc afterwards while ayano gets help. my man spirals DOWN. whether they get back together or not depends on my mood 🤨 but if they do, its by the time theyre in their mid twenties or something so a few years later LOL i picture them dating like for over a year maybe?? when theyre 18/19. hehe.

like. do you get it.

[iravaid]

Art tips I beg of you share your wisdom

Oh god oh fuck I'll try, a lot of my art process is vibes only, i kind of just zone out and Draw and a picture appears

I have to stress that practice is the most important part of art, even if said art looks shit and you feel like the world is ending because you're not doing well/making tangible process/it's not turning out how you want. Gotta push through that by accepting that hey, sometimes your art turns out looking Janky, so what? You still took the time and effort to make art, and you're more of an artist than you were before starting the piece. You can sit back and figure out how to constructively criticise yourself without destroying your own self confidence for the sake of a viewer who isn't there. Practice being neutral about noting the parts you dislike - 'this anatomy is awful and I'm shit at it, why do i bother' isn't going to help as much as sitting back, going 'damn that looks weird, lol' and then looking up reference photos similar to what you'd been hoping to draw and figuring out where things went wrong.

When starting with a drawing, person or animal, I find myself focusing on the silhouette initially. Sometimes i might play around with a solid colour, or focus on the outline with a thin-ish pen. It helps to be aware of certain curves on a form and how it relates to other features of the body proportionally. Look at the empty spaces on the piece and look back to those in the reference, or your own intuition, flip the canvas etc, and see if it looks 'right'. Get funky with it when in the draft stage

Tracing for practice and reference also helps - but don't trace blindly, instead use it as a chance to figure out how the lines of a person/animal/construct move, and how can you replicate that in art. Make guidelines and notes on how things are proportionate to each other, isolate singular lines and practice them over and over to build up the muscle memory.

kind of like the above, where I used photos of an oc's faceclaim (Andy Lau) and traced over them, isolated certain features, made guidelines, and so on

When figuring out how to draw faces, I use a couple little anatomy tricks to keep things in line before tweaking some of the features to make things more unique:

Corners of the mouth tend to align with the top of the jaw. The corners of the mouth also align with the pupils if a front-facing figure is looking straight on. The inner corners of both eyes align with the outer nostrils. Top of the ears align with the top of the eyelid and earlobes align with the bottom of the nose.

This can change depending on feature size etc, some people have bigger or smaller eye or theyre close together or further apart, or they have large earlobes or none at all, or their nose is small or big. I just use it as a guideline to make sure features are in order because. Uh. I keep forgetting to draw in the guides during the draft stage.

Variability of the human face lends well to avoiding same face syndrome as you can stretch the features quite a bit. It may feel weird or wrong drawing a face with different features to how you're used to, but that's the point of practice and progress.

For rendering I found using the colour zones of the face (shown below) adds a lot of oomph and depth after finding my own rendering attempts falling a bit flat.

(above, from Gurney Journey describing the colour zones of the face)

(below, by ArtofYorugami on twitter)

I make the three colour bands, blend them to the contours of the face, then set the layer to multiply and lower the opacity to around 10-20%, and make further tweaks there to where it best suits the face being drawn.

Other little things

Eyes aren't totally white, make them a touch grayer and also add a little bit of blue to give it some depth. Same with teeth but I've yet to figure those freaks out

Hands are the devil but draw them enough times and you can flub your way through them until they feel normal. Would recommend having at least one finger in a different position to the rest, as our hands naturally rest with the index finger away from the rest. Again, use a reference, trace for research and building muscle memory, be cognizant of the muscles and bones at play in the hand and wrist. There are reference compilations on pinterest I've found in the past that have been helpful, and taking a photo of your own hand is an option as well.

A hand's palm width across is also the height of your lower face. That sentence doesn't make a lot of sense - but if you put your hand over your mouth, the top will be touching the bottom of your nose, and the bottom of your hand will align with your chin, more or less. Again, this can change from person to person but is helpful when eyeballing proportions.

Reference sites like x6ud is very helpful for angles of people and animals. Apps like Handy are helpful with figuring out how certain angles of light interact with the face. Videos like this one and this one are also good lighting references. Just looking up 'face under different light angles' on a search engine or pinterest will also be fruitful. Books like Michel Lauricella 's Morpho - Fat and Skin Folds is also very useful and you can find free pdfs online with enough safe digging. And there are a number of tutorials by tumblr artists on a number of desired topics

For expressions, it can be difficult to word the search right to find the specific look and angle you want as a reference. If you're willing, I'd recommend taking a photo of yourself making the expression at the intended angle. No one but you has to see the photo lmao

Uhhh. Multiply, overlay, add (glow) are your friends if you use CSP, play around with pens and layer effects until you get ones you like. I'm partial to the CSP textured pen for lineart and the watercolour pen for rendering

I think that's all i have ahjfjdks 😭 sorry, hope this helped a little bit!

[flame-x]

Anyway skip forward a tiny bit and skimbledots’ kittens are still young and jelly just. can’t. anymore. it’s a quiet afternoon and they are relaxing on one of the junkpiles while jenny knits, and theyre keeping an eye on the kittens as they play and chase each other around as Munkustrap and Cassandra try to organise a dance lesson. jenny, of course, confides in jelly about her crush on bustopher. obviously it isnt ever going anywhere, and she’s chuckling, remarking how “isnt it funny? how such an old crush flared up again?” and jelly bites back the confession that her “old crush” on jenny has never gone away, and how it flares up every time she hears her, sees her, thinks of her. 

but jenny, sweet, oblivious jenny notices her friend is a bit off, and has been lately, and, well, now is as good a time as any to bring it up, right? She’s been concerned about her. and one thing leads to another and jelly ends up choking out the truth — that she’s in love with her best friend, that she has been for years, and that she’s also deeply in love with asparagus and that it *hurts*. because she doesn’t know what to do. And also at some point that asparagus is aware bc i feel like that is of some importance. but obviously she keeps a lid on his problems w skimble because hey, that aint her secret to tell. 

and ofc jenny needs some time to process because *whoa* to have that dumped on you of a random thursday afternoon is kind of a lot for anyone. But anyway after much overthinking and analysing and reevaluation of her entire life she realises that she also has feelings for jelly. yippee? no because what to do about skimble? :0 she loves him, loves them both. but also she’s worried about him because he’s also been acting super weird lately. she doesn’t know what to do.

skimble is Not Having A Fun Time. laser focus on his work and being a good dad (bc fuck it, he’s obviously failed at being a good mate considering he still can’t stop thinking about his ex however many years later) have helped but are also exhausting. and he is tired, very tired. emotionally and mentally and physically. and it’s not easy to hide. jenny has noticed, he knows she has. so he isnt surprised when she corners him in their den one night and confronts him. and he can feel it bubbling to the surface, all of it. it would be so easy to just tell her. 

((Honestly i have no idea where i’m going with this it got out of hand and off topic very very quickly. And i still have two som e to do and it is 2 am and im tired as fuck.

back two days(?) later and time to finish this fuck! wooo!!))

so he does. he does tell her. and it’s the hardest convo he’s had in his entire life. harder than the breakup with asparagus. but after many emotions jenny needs more time to process and end up back with jelly to confide in her. bc duh, you had to have expected this by now. jelly, being jelly, puts her awkwardness/feelings and is there for jenny and then after a very quick and slightly tortuous internal debate, reveals that asparagus also has feelings for skimble. and then they kiss. and then they start plotting. 

anyway the girls get them together and jelly and asparagus moved into the skimbledots den bc it was bigger (and bc their own kits have all grown up now, and theirs feels a little empty.). and now the four of them spend the evenings in cuddle piles. And they lived happily ever after. 

but wait, what about bustopher? jenny admits to her partners one evening after a visit from the st. james’s street cat that she has feelings for him and asks tentatively if they would be ok if she pursued a relationship w him. and they are of course, and it comes out that they’re all quite fond of him so they ask bustopher if he wants to date them and he ends up joining their little polycule :3

YAY FINALLY DONETH. I’m sorry i didn't have more to write on cori. I could,,,, but maybe another time. I think i’ll also do tugger and lonzie boy another time lol - actually i’ve been meaning to do a ‘deep dive’ on tugger for a while now,,, i might soon. I love him but i never talk about him.

Anyway tysm for the ask elo!!!! <3 im so sorry i took so long to get back to ya lmfao. gotta love the hellsite and my fogetful brain

there was a part about cori that i wrote in response to this ask also??? so here's that

cori my boy he is just a guy. reserved and distant but not as much as Tantomile, can be goofy, kind, gentle, laid-back, easy-going, the kittens like him more than Tantomile but still don’t approach them very often because they’re scared (understandably so, even if Corico is so gentle he wouldn’t hurt a fly). psychic powers. i hc his mate to be caramel, a swing-turned-oc who is jellylorum's younger brother in my long-abandoned au

(final part)

this is a response to an ask from @afairytalestray from such a long time ago that i cant even remember the original ask (i accidentally deleted it lmao) tumblr wouldnt let me upload it but i found it today in my google docs where apparently id put it to stop tumblr from deleting it altogether. i havent edited any of it so you get the whole word vomit lmao

annoyingly ive had to break this post up into small chunks :( becasue tumblr wont let me uplod the whole thing for some unknown godforsaken fucking reason. im gonna tag each one with #jellyjennyskimblegus-sometimes-ft-bustopher polycule though

i have many thoughts about the jellyjennyskimblegus-sometimes-ft-bustopher polycule. it's not exactly what you asked for but i'm going to talk about it anyway :3 (this is a version where gus is asparagus's father and jelly and caramel have different parents. who are they? well your guess is as good as mine lmao) (also just to be clear; jelly and skimble do not have feelings for each other and jenny and asparagus do not have feelings for each other)

so jelly and jenny were rly tight growing up, their families were pretty close. they told each other EVERYTHING. jenny confided in jelly somewhat nervously when she realised she was pansexual and jelly was ofc super supportive.

meanwhile skimble return home to his bf asparagus every time the night mail returns to London and they are happy. all 4 are v good friends. jenny however develops feeling for skimble and is rly torn up about it bc yk he's in a happy relationship so what can she do? but then skimble and asparagus have a big blowup fight (about what i have no idea i am putting these months-old vague ideas into writing and filling up the gaps on the spot as i go) and suddenly jelly and asparagus are tight? somehow jelly has ended up on the receiving end of both jenny and asparagus's love woes while battling her long-time feelings for jenny that she'd long since buried (jenny's been in love w skimble for aaaaages now) and her new budding feelings for asparagus and the poor girl is so confused. and stressed. but trying her best to be there for the people who need her.

 skimble and gus break up on sad but not bad terms. jenny and skimble eventually start dating and jelly and asparagus cry in each other's arms as jelly reveals to him her feelings for jenny and then soon after, her inner conflict over her feelings for him too. asparagus takes her by the chin and kisses her ever so softly and that's that. (it's the cutest most tender thing). anyway jelly continues to try to tamp down her feelings for jenny and predictably fails. however here's what's going on with skimble: he's so unbelievably happy with jenny but asparagus continues to haunt him. they're all still great friends but it's a little strained sometimes between the two of them. there are many caught sorrowful, regret-filled glances and pangs as he gazes at how *handsome* asparagus is as he laughs with the girls in the sunlight. as for jenny she is still completely oblivious to jelly's feelings for her and hasn't really fully developed her own romantic feelings towards her? like she feels the connection but doesn't understand yet that it isn't platonic. or maybe it isn't yet! she doesn't know and neither do i :3

(part 1)

[unovanhunny]

Back at it again with another New AU with @tombstone-pisa

Dubbed "Teen Emmet AU" (Even though they're both Teens, but Emmet is the focus of the AU)

If you're familiar with how we do AUs, it won't be a surprise that there's mentions of abuse and potential murder. Here we go, under the cut

At a young age, Ingo and Emmet were essentially sold into the foster system and were separated. Ingo went with a family that generally treated him well (aside from the fact that they gaslit him into thinking Emmet was an imaginary friend). Meanwhile Emmet had a hell of a time in a lot of ways, physically mentally and emotionally. When Emmet got old enough, he got himself out of the place where he was and got his own apartment and started attending the same school as Ingo.

Initially, Ingo only knew about Emmet because he kept getting in trouble and detention for things he Didn't Do. Because Emmet cannot behave himself, but most people just thought he was Ingo. And when he's finally about to confront the person making his school life so hard, Emmet excitedly calls his name and hugs him and Ingo starts going through a sort of existential crisis. Emmet wasn't real. He had made him up as a kid because he was lonely. This doesn't make any sense-

But Emmet is certainly real and he keeps talking about how much he missed Ingo and how much he loves him and Ingo just... kinda goes along with it for a while. His life has been a lie and he's processing and if he ends up kissing or getting intimate with this figment of his imagination made real, so be it. He seems very genuine in his affection after all.

As for Emmet's side of everything... When they were separated, Emmet mourned. But he didn't have much time to dwell on it because his experience was just a hell nightmare. The only thing that got him through it was his personal vow to see Ingo again and to be able to see him smile. He had some photos from when they were young still, his most precious possessions, until they were ripped up by someone taunting Emmet and hoping to break that smile. They survived, but they certain got a scare. The home they were in didn't bother to report the incident so Emmet faced no consequences. Which he shouldn't anyway. Ingo's smile was taken away from him Again. And that kinda set something off in him. He would find Ingo and protect his smile, no matter the cost. It was the only reason for him to continue living. So finally finding Ingo was a dream come true.

Ingo's parents certainly didn't approve of any association between the two of them and after a series of events, including Ingo questioning the validity of his own memories and demanding to know why they lied to him, Ingo gets kicked out. He goes to stay with Emmet, who now really really wants to kill Ingo's parents. Ingo keeps talking him down from it, but otherwise their life together, while not easy, is peaceful. Though now they both suffer from severe separation anxiety. Not while theyre in classes or anything, but whenever they Could be together, if they weren't, it would set in. But absolutely nothing will keep Emmet away from Ingo.

Despite all this going on in their lives, they're still dumb cringey teenagers from the 00s and go to anime clubs, (which is why Emmet calls Ingo Niisan, because he's a cringy baby weeb)

Also yes Ingo is a goth with dyed hair and yes he's reading Twilight. He's Team Edward. Emmet apologises that he can't be a vampire but he'll happily watch him sleep if he wants. Ingo finds the possessive behavior ~Romantic~. They have dates at the graveyard because Emmet doesn't care as long as Ingo is happy. It suits his Aesthetic.

Side note: This AU does take place in a pokeverse. I'll do another post later about their pokemon

[liloinkoink]

i love your writing agh. ive always wondered what your process is- like, on starting to write a fic, do you set up notes for the universe or the scene or do you just write jump in and build on the first draft? i just think that stuff is interesting to talk about

ooh thanks for asking! it's a really fun question i would be happy to answer. i will say, there's really two main ways i approach writing, so i'll tell you about both. im going ot mostly use lamplight pieces as an example since lamplight is on my mind, but feel free to ask me abt other fic as well

.....im gonna readmore this bc otherwise itll be long, but the tl;dr of my process is a focus on the question "what's the point?"

so, point. usually when i write something, i try to have an outline, but i rarely stick to them exactly. take 20 questions from lamplight (picked bc its like, 500 words, so if you dont know it its a quick read). i didnt make an outline for this one bc it's so short, but if i did, id have probably said something like...

ren and martyn traveling sometime in the middle of the plot. introduce the way they communicate--lighting up for yes/happiness, dimming for no/displeasure. make it clear the fire is ren despite the fact martyn isn't using his name, include the fact ren is a god (but martyn is still martyn about this), include martyn's armor being enchanted by ren

what im doing with this outline is three things. one, the literal plot. two, the details i think are most important to include, three (and most vitally) the purpose of the scene.

as i said, to me, the most important question in planning writing (or in writing in general) is "what's the point?"

20 questions had a lot of different driving points, since i was trying to introduce basically the entire concept of the au in a short amount of words. ren's mode of communication, status as a god, and allusions to his powers, plus his relationship to martyn, their general situation... when i opened notes to write 20 questions, i asked "why am i telling you this? what's the point of writing this?" and the answer was "introduce lamplight," so that's what this fic was.

in most of my oneshots, the point is usually some emotion im trying to evoke or an analytical idea i want to share. the points are, honestly, usually what i start with when planning these. theyre me going i need you to understand this, so how am i going to tell it to you? the point of the rhythm of cold fists for example is that i think scar threw the finale fight, so i was trying to examine what would have lead him to make that decision.

(this is the oneshot i thought was quickest to explain the point of, originally i picked a different one and this paragraph was MUCH longer)

in longer stuff i usually keep notes like.... an upcoming lamplight piece (if you dont mind spoilers) im considering is this

first few days of traveling, before the inn scene and ren is in a lanter. martyn accidentally drops ren into water/a river. establish ren's fire cant be put out + ren and martyn have a more comfortable relationship than normal paladins and gods (cuz other paladins would Not get away with this). martyn's trying to decide if he's fine with following ren and being able to laugh this off is how he does that

so ive asked myself: whats the point of this scene? well, martyn is trying to figure out if he likes ren or not in the first week of meeting him, or if swearing himself to ren in a moment of desperation was equal to / worse than the place they were escaping. he cant talk to ren and find out ren's a decent guy, so hes going to have to find out through an accidental test of ren's character: royally fucking up as a paladin and seeing how the god hes following handles it. its also establishing a worldbuilding detail (ren cant be put out) on top of defining their relationship. lots of points being made here in both this specific instance and the world/plot at large

for all this ive said abt lamplight and outlines... none of lamplight until this week has had outlines. ive been mostly just jumping into my third life fic with no plan, driven literally EXCLUSIVELY by asking "what is the point?" and a desperate need to answer it

often with unoutlined pieces, this is paired with a specific visual i want to achieve. the tavern piece was more visual than point driven, and the visual was... actually the idea of embers in the burning building surrounding martyn like fireflies. i abandoned that visual for the idea of ren materializing in the flame, however, bc once i thought of that it became the driving visual i needed to see realized instead

i actually abandon details like that a lot in my writing. ill plot a scene based on 10 details and 2 points, and ill change 9 of those details because i found different ones while the points don't really budge. honestly, i hardly even look at my outlines when im actively writing--ill reference them when i start a new scene, but theyre really more for organizing my thoughts into clear points. my missing or obstructed outline doesnt look anything at all like what ive written, but the points of the story are all in-tact.

...this is long enough as is so i wont talk abt my thoughts on first drafts and editing them, but i do have them. i hope this was interesting to you, bc i had a lot of fun thinking about it!

[fernlessbastard]

I was intrigued by your top/bottom discussion and wrote this kind of ridiculous analysis. I tried to keep true to canon and not let personal bias interfere but it may have crept in. Now before you read, disclaimer: This all about the characters I just dont want to write c! Before everything.

Wilbur is a character who feels the need to have control all the time. This stems from his paranoia and trust issues. Since being vulnerable usually hurt. He also has a desperate need for love and attention. I feel like he would be uncomfy with or scared of the idea of bottoming and submitting because it takes away all his control. I think he's more inclined to it though, especially because how quick he is to devote his whole self to one person or thing [ie. "Dream I want to be your vassal" or lmanburg]

Quackity also appears to need control all the time but he knows what is like to compromise and not have full power. He feels abandoned by everyone he loves and uses dirty tricks to get people on his side. He probably was a bottom in his previous relationships, schlatt being the dominant guy he was, and sapnap wouldn't like receiving as much as giving. So I feel like he could bottom but wouldn't want to. It'd remind him too much of others who once loved him. Also he is more dominant, as shown by his leadership skills [he likes having people depend on him and he tries to be a good leader all the time]

Now in order for their relationship to work, Wilbur needs to trust quackity and give up some control to quackity and quackity needs to let Wilbur get close and depend on wilbur. This will be a very awkward and tense road for the both of them, since it requires them unlearning everything they've been "taught". It would probably take a big reality check for either to even start.

Theyre both lonely for different reasons, and their needs for control are a big roadblock in their relationship developing any farther than rivals. However, I believe if they learn they can love each other. In fact, if they were to be in a relationship they would probably help each other heal. They've both been hurt by very different things and their problems mirror each other. Similar enough to sympathize but different enough to be complimentary.

Anyways this is a long way of saying that Wilbur is a submissive bottom he's just scared of it and quackity is a dominant top that shows him he has no reason to be.

-asexual anon who got way to analytical about fictional block men's sex lives

Yes yes yes!! Exactly!!

That's precisely how I see it (also, obviously, this is purely about the characters) (tw: brief discussion of abuse and SA in a relationship)

I view Quackity as a switch, and more so enjoying being dominant, though he could also sub

(tw applies to this paragraph specifically) Then his relationship with Schlatt, which has been hinted to be, uh, not quite the most consensual at times, and pleasure of both parties not really being the focus of their sex life, so I'd imagine he has some trauma regarding both bottoming and subbing, and just giving up power like that

With Wilbur you captured how I feel about it exactly. He's the type of person who'd have some internalised toxic masculinity, especially considering how he'd view Techno and Phil - warriors - in contrast to himself. I'm not saying that Phil would belittle him in any way, but there's definitely something to say about a child growing up in the environment where being traditionally masculine is a relatively big part of daily life (fighting and all), no matter how loving and supportive they'd be. As he'd grow older, he'd probably feel like his preferences aren't really valid, and that he should want to be in control at all times, leading to him viewing that aspect of himself as something he should change, fight against, ect

I believe Wilbur would try to be generally dominant throughout his life, though, as we've seen time and time again, he always ends up destroying himself in the process. Despite what he tells himself, he just isn't that type of person. He can do all of it - be a top/dom, run a country, ect, - because he learnt to. But that's not really what he wants in the end.

Aside that I'd say Wilbur is a brat. He doesn't want to just submit, he wants to push the limits, playfully disobey, ect. In the end, yes, he's a sub, but he likes more to be (consensually, of course) forced into that side of the power dynamic. That type of behaviour would probably be frequently read as just wanting to be dominant, and without Wilbur himself explicitly stating what he wants, his partner(s) likely wouldn't push to discover that side of him

Quackity and Wilbur could absolutely help eachother heal, and create a safe environment in which they both feel loved and appreciated, and the stress of their daily lives disappears, and is replaced with support and affection, and they can truly be themselves, and feel good with it. Additionally, Quackity has been shown to be honestly the only person who can keep up with Wilbur's bullshit. He calls him out on it, fights with him, but doesn't condemn him, and does have the patience, and is willing to play the petty game, ultimately ending up on top (figuratively and literally lmao)... My point is that Quackity is a brat tamer and none of you can change my mind /lh but gen

As their relationship progresses and develops, and they build more trust and feel more comfortable and safe with eachother, I can absolutely see Quackity bottoming occasionally, but i don't really think he'd ever sub - as I've stated previously, I don't think he'd be particularly fond of it I'm the first place, and considering Wilbur, I just don't think they'd really end up doing it

Tldr: anon, you're based, now get off anon so that I can know who has such great takes (I fucking swear if you're the author of this thing that we're becoming--/lh/hj)

[corvidares]

my (nearly) complete thoughts on hitting on 16, typed organically in my friend’s dms

i think on hitting on 16 was a fantastic glimpse into c!wilbur's brain, and it made all the clearer a lot of musings and theories we've concluded about him before then he is ill. he has not recovered, or truly changed since the days of lmanberg's initial destruction. him insisting that he has is more a prayer, a lie hes telling himself, than anything tommy knows this. tommy knows it, but in a way hes lying to himself too. he wants his fucking brother back! and he loves him, deeply, even if he knows hes full of shit. i think that little scene when tommy brings wilbur water is so, SO telling. wilbur's pride doesnt let him openly care or be vulnerable, but tommy knows this. and while hes not necessarily fine with it.. he understands it.

wilbur loves having a passion, a drive. it helps him focus him away from his sick thoughts and from the memories of limbo. hes like an adrenaline junky to the extreme. his newest drive is, of course, besting quackity under the thin veil of hating las nevadas and the burger van.

unfortunately, wilburs love for tnt has persisted, so hes willing to do frankly absurd shit to get under quackity's skin. and its funny, his chosen method, because its SO reminiscent of early server days. theres so many details that point to the fact that wilbur doesnt realize how much has changed, how much he hasnt changed. want to get at quackity? steal his pet. the pet wars are still fresh enough in his memories.

of course, while wilbur was (is) a genius, hes also too unstable - and, i'd argue, manic - to really think things through enough to make them work as intended. which... you know. is part of why things go to shit

ccwilbur does well with his writing of quackity imo. wouldnt really change anything, which is good since this arc revolved around q so much

i dont think he did quite as well with ranboo. wilbur doesnt know how to write cranboo's dialogue. which is a relatively minor flaw. what he says to tubbo as theyre stealing the horse sits wrong with me though, and its more than how its said. i think the slight tension between bee duo as a result of wilbur and q's bullshit is evident enough, but not to this point. in fact, ranboo helping to steal the horse at all feels a little.. off. like, everyone insists ranboo has a weak spine, but this is ridiculous. he cares about animals, and he certainly does not trust or blindly follow wilbur. both of those things seemed to be the case in this story, which is kind of disappointing. you could write that off as it being cwilbur's pov and thus him THINKING ranboo follows him, but.. idk. his actions betray that

and finally, ctubbo. his characterization still pisses me off. this is the same kind of thing where you could wave it off as being how cwilbur sees him, but frankly i just dont think its justified. tubbo in this feels like a weird fanon version of himself, a distorted image. kind of hitting the mark, but not really. tubbo is barely any more recovered or moved on than wilbur. hes TRYING to find himself a new purpose with tubburger, but its a bit of a weak attempt, and he wouldve realized in time that it wasnt for him. especially considering q and wilbur's bullshit. i frankly feel he would have put a bit more of a fight, or at least annoyance/anger, when he saw wilbur and ranboo taking boner away. this is.. i mean okay, its up to interpretation. but tubbo has shown on the lmanberg anniversary that he stands up to wilbur now, in his own quiet way. that he knows wilbur trails victims behind him. i think thats the heart of bee duo's issues, actually. which not a lot of people seem to realize. ranboo doesnt trust wilbur either, and is keeping an eye on him. whereas tubbo tried to tell him theres no point. that wilbur will do what he does and hurt others in the process - and inevitably ranboo will be in the blast radius this time. which comes to fruition quite literally.

so.. while i disagree with the execution of certain scenes/events/character depictions, i think OVERALL that ccwilbur's amazing storytelling shines through. this was the perfect end to the burgervan arc, as heart breaking as it is. ranboo gets hurt, as was coming. tubbo tries to stop it despite knowing better, out of the goodness of his heart. bee duo try to protect each other, failing bc of the wedge forced between them. q and wilbur's rivalry escalates to petty and dangerous levels, to the point they even fight over who SAVES their victims. its so, so good.

[junisfics]

juniper giving sexual situation tips when literally only one person asked 

warnings: fingering, hand jobs, oral (both receiving and both giving)

kissing ⋆｡˚ ☽˚｡⋆.

+ okay so kissing with no tongue is very very simple a super self explanatory

+ usually kissing with no tongue is very gently and slow and done in short intervals so when youre not using tongue pls be gentle because they will not be expecting a hard kiss with no tongue

+ with tongue is a little more complicated but its so easy once you get the hang of it

+ basically your going to have the tip of your tongue rest relaxed right above your bottom teeth without it poking past your bottom lip (this may sound confusing but just try it n see)

+ and then with your tongue resting just behind your bottom lip, you ARENT going to move too much and use your bottom lip as a guide.

+ so basically your tongue shoulder remained attached to your bottom lip while youre kissing them (obviously unless youd like to add more but since its your first time kissing i would reccomend starting slow)

+ generally the safest places to put your hands would be on their knees, on their shoulders, cupping their face, or cupping there neck. don’t be afraid to slide your hands down their arms or down their chest (if they have breasts just ask first please)

giving head (dick receiving) ⋆｡˚ ☽˚｡⋆.

+ when going down on someone with a penis (sorry to sound medical) you also want to be very careful with what youre doing

+ you can start with just gently jerking his dick. grip tight enough tho so the skin of it travels with your hand and not sliding under it (for it can be painful and cause burning without any form of lubrication)

+ the best place to sit when giving head is right between their legs or straddling their knees. or if youre standing, just kneel in front of them. but its EASIEST for both partners if the one receiving is sitting on the edge of a chair or couch and the one giving is knelt in front of them

+ start with just tongue and little kisses with the base of the penis in your dominant hand. and don’t be afraid to tease a little. just run your tongue under the length of them, swirl it over the tip, kiss their shaft softly, kitten lick their balls (yes the balls, they absolutely love it)

+ once youre comfortable with that, you can suckle on the tip a little and just purse your lips and kiss it. keep your teeth AWAY

+ with a penis you CAN be sloppy with your tongue, it helps lube it up and feels better for them when their dick is wet compared to dry. 

+ don’t force yourself to take it all in your mouth, thats very difficult to do and you can hurt yourself in the process. most people don’t expect you to take it all so dont worry.

+ fit what you comfortably can into your mouth and use your dominant hand to take hold of the rest that you cannot reach. with your free hand you can massage their balls gently (dont squeeze to hard as it can hurt pretty bad and startle them)

+ you absolutely do NOT have to swallow if you do not want it. they dont expect you to swallow either. but if you choose to, just be aware that it isnt the best tasting so prepare yourself a bit

giving head (vagina receiving) ⋆｡˚ ☽˚｡⋆.

+ be extremely gentle with the vagina, its very sensitive at times and if youre not careful... the littlest wrong touches can be extremely painful

+ start slow. tickle your fingers over their stomach before dipping below their pants and again... dont be afraid to tease a little

+ when you get below the pants, its best to start with the clit... just to make sure theyre properly turned on before you penetrate at all

+ the clit feels just like a little bud of hard tissue at the top of the vagina where all the folds meet together. BE CAREFUL WITH IT

+ massage gently with the pads of your fingers and be cautious to not lift the hood of the clit and touch it directly because it is a very sudden and possibly painful sensation when theyre not expecting it

+ every once and a while feel free to slip your fingers down a little farther to see how aroused they are. not everyone can get wet so remember that its okay to use lube, just make sure its waterbased :)

+ start with just one finger and remember to be gentle. i promise you that you will find where their hole is... you dont need to be poking and probing around for it

+ when you get one finger on their hole, press into them slowly and let the walls of the vagina guide you inside. dont shove them in or force them anywhere they feel like they shouldnt be going

+ curling and pulling in and out is what most people prefer. just keep in mind that when youre pulling your fingers in and out that they need to remain wet and lubricated or else it will hurt

+ after a while of working with one finger, slowly work in another the same as you did with the first

+ when adding your mouth, also make sure to be gentle but you don’t need to be as careful as you were with your fingers

+ focus your tongue on their clit, just gently sliding the tip of your tongue over it and almost massaging it while you finger them

i hope this helped and if anyone else wants to add something or correct something FEEL FREE TO

[malfoys-demigod]

“She is no longer a proud Slytherin to me.” D.M x Reader

Request from @the--queen-of-hell​

-> OOOOH GURL.Hear me out. This isn't a request but if you like it feel free to use this!So, in the events of TDH, when the trio is taken to the manor, let's say reader is caught with them and brought to the manor. She's a slytherin but she fights against Voldemort..But she is also in a secret relationship with our beautiful Draco.So, Bellatrix tells the goons to take them all to the dungeon, including reader.Draco says that HE will be the one to take them, just so he can make sure that reader is fine.He tries his best to be convincing that he HATES them, so he grabs reader and pushes her around til they're in the dungeon.Omce theyre there, Draco starts worrying about her and asks her if he's hurt her, if she's okay... And while she reassures him that she is fine he pulls her close to him and presses a soft kiss on her forehead 🥺🥺🥺🥺BUT every one in the dungeon can see that, but he doesn care. HE WANTS HIS LOVE SAFE AND ALIVE. So he promises to help her...and the others... Escape.They both survive, and live happily together forever 🥺💚

Summary: During the Deathly Hallows, Y/N and the Golden Trio are being brought to the one place she wished to see on any other occasion, Malfoy Manor, to be held captive by Bellatrix and the Malfoys. Will Draco keep his guard and pretend he doesn’t care for you? Or will he save the person he loves the most in his life?

Word Count: 5.5k 

A/N: I finally made this request! Thank you so much, for this lovely request. 

Taglist: @the--queen-of-hell​ @bbeauttyybbx​

There was an immeasurable secret that you have been deeply pledging to yourself to keep until the moment was right to let it all out. On no occasion was there a moment in time where you could shout it to the skies and feel as free as a bird. For the last six years, on no account has there ever been a moment where you could make it known that you were the secret girlfriend of Draco Lucius Malfoy. During this evil time of seventh year, perhaps the secret would stay forever to your heart, should the plan not go as expected for Team Harry. 

There were times when you couldn’t stand keeping the secret. Seeing other couples, freely expressing their love to each other. The adorable yet minimal displays of affections that lovebirds could do with each other started to eat you up inside as the years flew by as you started to blossom into a young adult. 

While you watched the simple things such as someone leaning down on their lover’s shoulder as a smile crept under their soft and light faces as the other held them tightly, squeezing the love out, you were sitting alone, with your friends, who probably had the same situation going, or didn’t happen to care about the things you were watching as you sat as far away from the one person you could be doing the things you were watching. 

But, no. 

You couldn’t watch a quidditch game with heart-shaped eyes as your favorite seeker flew from left to right, up and down. 

You couldn’t agree to go on a date to Hogsmeade with any other boy, as you tried giving the most bizarre reasons that you could think of, letting all the boys assume that you were clearly uninterested in a romantic relationship during your Hogwarts life. 

You couldn’t travel down to Malfoy Manor over the holidays, knowing you wouldn’t even receive a gift at home. sent from the Manor you dreamed of visiting. 

You couldn’t shout that you were in love with Draco Malfoy. 

Despite deeply knowing that it was highly unlikely to go public with the man you love, there have been times wherein you just couldn’t take it anymore. You knew how much this secret should be kept safe, but there were just times where it drove you out of your mind, wherein, yes, you knew, but you just weren’t in the right state of mind. 

FLASHBACK

During the evening of Valentine’s day, every student, whether single or taken, were all having pleasant meals in the Great Hall. Love was truly in the air for most people. The moment the day had started, it was like everyone inhaled love potions created by who knows, as the day was considered a jolly and carefree day for all. 

Smiles were growing from everyone’s faces as they either watched adorable couples hold hands, or be in the position of those couples, smiling as wide as possible as it was a day truly made for them. 

This day could have been for you as well if the world knew of your romantic relationship with Draco. 

Oh, the countless romantic things he could have done for you. He had never dated anyone seriously before but the secret flirting he had experienced with you could already explain how much of a suave and gentleman he could be. 

So, as you watched couples playfully spoon feed each other and make tiny messes during the process, you internally groaned, resting your head on your cupped palm as your elbow placed some weight on the table. 

You had finished only half of your dinner as everything about Valentine’s day had made you lose your appetite. Spending the day pretending to be something that you weren’t, felt like any other day that you have been going through for years. Today just made things more difficult for you since these couples were expressing their love more freely, making you yearn for the things they could do. 

Sick and feeling more hopeless than usual, you slowly stood up from your table, dragging your eyes and feet away from every couple that you dreamed of being as you attempted to nonchalantly exit the Great Hall as if nothing bothered you. 

This attempt was a complete failure through the sneaky eyes of Draco Malfoy who was silently watching you from the ends of the Slytherin table. He had been observing you quietly from his side of the Slytherin table, noticing and feeling the emotions from inside of you. 

Ever since this morning, you had been utterly quiet during classes, either staring at people you didn’t know, or trying to get the sight of those people out of your head as you were focusing in class with an uncomfortable expression.

This obviously led to realizing that it was about the little holiday that lovers were currently celebrating. He knew that there were times when you wanted to shout to the world that you were proudly and madly in love with him. He felt the same, but he was more controlling of himself, not expressing to you that he wanted to do the same thing. 

During meal time in the Great Hall, he came in early, and once you entered, he could already sense the emotions boiling in your system as you slumped on the table, looking like the saddest person in the castle as you tried ignoring your friends or giving them short answers if they tried talking to you. 

As you ate, you tried giving yourself the slowest bites, giving more attention and focus on the deep thoughts you were thinking about. These deep thoughts led you to not finishing the remaining half of your plate and got you to abruptly stand up from the table and exit the Great Hall, being the first one to end her meal time. 

Draco obviously wanted to follow. He counted to a good ten seconds in order not to seem suspicious about following you out of the Great Hall. When ten seconds were over, he told his gang not to follow him as he had, ‘the bad stomach.’ Knowing that nobody wanted to hear that while they were eating, they told him to rush out, telling him not to worry about it. 

When he stood up, he watched his own actions as he smoothly briskly walked out of the Great Hall, hoping to catch up with the girl of his dreams. If he had the Astronomy tower to hide and let out his emotions, you had the Black Lake. 

You were staring at your sad reflexion by the waters of the Black Lake. It was cold outside but this didn’t matter to you anymore as the sadness had clouded your mind and body. 

Watching your reflection by the waters was something you only did when you were either sad or in deep thinking. Tonight you were both. 

You crept down, touching the water with a single finger, causing a ripple that made small movements, resulting in your reflection to move as well. Usually this would make you grow a smile on your face but you were too sad to do that. 

Sighing, you said, “When will this end?” You asked yourself. 

Then, a platinum blonde hair had started creeping up behind your reflection, standing behind you with a small smile. “When this is all over, you know that.” 

You stood up, turning around to see your boyfriend Draco remove his Slytherin scarf from his neck, “Wouldn’t want to see you freezing, love.” He said, wrapping the scarf around your neck gently. 

“I can’t wear this forever, you know people will know, the green apple scent, the fact that I didn’t leave my dorm with a scarf, everything.” You declined the gesture, unwrapping the scarf from your neck. 

As you were doing this, Draco frowned, placing his hands on your neck to prevent you from completely removing the scarf from your neck. “Wear it for now, please, we’re still outside.”

“I won’t be for long,” you said, removing his hands from your neck as you completely removed the scarf, something he tried avoiding, as you were prepared to leave the scene. 

Draco stepped to the side, guarding you from leaving him as he looked at you with a careful look on his face. “You’re here for a reason, and I would like to know why.” 

“It’s nothing, I just wanted some fresh air.” 

“If I’m not mistaken, dear, I think I heard you ask yourself when this secret of ours would end. Correct?”

“No, because technically I didn’t say that. You don’t know if the question is under the same context as what I was thinking.” 

“What else could you be asking yourself what would end? Our relationship?” Draco asked, pouting, knowing that you wouldn’t dare question that. 

“Of course not, you fool,” you rolled your eyes, “Okay so maybe I might have been asking when keeping our secret could come to an end. So, what? I always ask this.” 

Draco crossed his arms, giving you a smirk as he knew the reason why you were being so odd today. You looked at him with a confused look, wondering why he was smirking. 

“But it’s not always Valentine’s Day.” He truthfully said, catching you off guard as your eyes widened, seeing that Draco had gotten the answer right. 

You sighed, looking down at your shoes, “I just can’t stand how we could have been spending our time together like every lovebird today. I can’t stand how we have to keep us a secret.” 

Draco slightly frowned, knowing exactly how you felt. He placed his hands on your shoulders, tilting his head for you to see his face despite looking down at the ground. 

“Y/N/N, my dear, look at me,” he begged, making you look up at him with a sad face, “We’re starting to live in mad times. You know that. Once everything is all over, we can live our lives freely. Hang on right, okay? This is going to be some bumpy road along the way. As long as you keep your faith in us, we will get there. Can you be a patient little lovebird for me?”

You playfully rolled your eyes after hearing him call you a ‘little lovebird’ but still nodded in agreement, making Draco chuckle and smile at your response, saying, “That’s my girl,” then placed a small and quick kiss on your forehead. “Happy Valentine’s Day, love.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Draco.” You greeted back. Then turned around to see some students leave the Great Hall and enter the corridors despite being a little bit far away from the castle. “Would you mind if I left first to not make anything suspicious?”

“Of course, ladies first, dear.” He said, encouraging you to walk away. “See you around, you know I’ll keep an eye on you from afar, yeah?”

“Always,” you smiled, then turned around, running off to the castle, pretending that nothing happened, which slowly broke your heart a little bit. 

Draco huffed in sadness as he realizes he had to do the same thing when it was his turn to leave the lake and return to his dorm. “We’ll get there,” he muttered to himself. 

From there on, Draco and you had continued keeping the secret, whether either of you were weak to your knees or capable of being as strong as possible. 

Through your ups and downs, the both of you had managed to have sealed lips every day. To make things easier, Draco had set up more secret meetings with you, to keep the love in the air as strong as possible. 

These secret meetups were either in the Astronomy Tower, the Black Lake, or any secret place that nobody was seen occupying or passing through frequently. These times together were the only times you could express actual love to the person you pretended to see as a stranger. 

Unfortunately, the battle between You-Know-Who and Harry Potter only became more intense than ever during your seventh year. This tension between the two of them had been going on for quite some time and the actual battle had to come sooner or later, and it did arrive, during your final year at Hogwarts. 

You couldn’t imagine how badly things ended up for it was a traumatic experience for you and Draco to be in different teams of the battle, challenging the relationship the two of you had shared for the last few years. 

When the tension had risen during the first of seventh year, Draco had secretly told you that this was the ultimate thing the two of you had prepared for mentally, emotionally, and physically. Forget the secret meet ups, forget the jealousy of wanting to be like other couples, forget it. 

There was no time for either of you to hold each other tightly while the battle went on. Despite being a pureblood Slytherin, you went your separate ways as you were with the Golden Trio, fighting against You-Know-Who. 

So there you were in the dark night along with the Golden Trio as fellow death-eaters had grabbed a hold of the four of you as they forced you into walking towards the place that you had always wanted to visit in your life. 

Malfoy Manor. 

This was certainly not the way you had wanted your first visit in your boyfriend’s house to be like but what could you do? You would rather go insane and be sent to Azkaban than become a death-eater and hold the most gruesome meetings in Malfoy Manor, serving the Dark Lord himself in plotting against Harry Potter and Hogwarts. 

As you were taking a look of the Manor you had once dreamt of, there seemed to be a figure by the gates, jumping happily and crazily as the figure had seen a glimpse of four teenagers walking towards the gates with death-eaters. 

“Woo-hoo!,” said the voice in a high-pitched manner, “Walk faster, I’d like to see the look on their precious faces.” 

Getting closer to the gates, you saw Bellatrix Lestrange as her whole outfit from top to bottom was all in black. Her hair seemed to be the messiest hair you had ever seen, looking as if she hasn’t had the experience of brushing it properly, only to make it as messy as possible. 

With her hand sticking out of the gate, she pointed at Harry, who was to your left. The death-eater dealing with him smirked and forcefully pushed Harry towards the gates where Bellatrix grabbed him by the shirt. 

She scanned up quickly, as her eyes flew up and down Harry, grinning crazily as possible, probably thinking of something horrible to do with him. She let out a small laugh, “Get. Draco.” she whispered, making Hermione grunt in anger as she tried removing the tight grip the death dealer assigned to her had on the girl. 

Your eyes widened upon hearing the familiar name that she had mentioned. It was only a matter of time for Draco to appear in this situation. After all, this was his house, so it was obvious that he had to be there. 

As Harry was still up-close in front of the maniac Bellatrix, the madwoman extended her arm, holding a tight grip on Harry’s shirt, followed by the death-eaters who were doing the same to you, Hermione, and Ron, tightening their grips on the three of you as they watched Bellatrix nod, giving them a signal they had been prepared to do. 

You were all apparated into the interior of Malfoy Manor. It was quite uneasy after being apparated for the first time. You stumbled a bit, causing to lose balance but gained it in a few seconds as your eyes were now making themselves familiar with the new surroundings you were in. 

Scanning around the unfamiliar manor, there was a grand white fireplace that had no fire in it, there were tables, and other furniture placed by the sides, giving the whole middle area of the room enough space to move around freely. 

This must have been the lively living room that Draco had mentioned to you before. 

Speaking of Draco…

As Bellatrix had pushed Harry down to the floor, grunting and breathing in pain, there happened to be a group of footsteps, casually walking towards you and the rest of the captives. Despite not looking up yet to see the faces of the people who were walking towards you, you exhaled nervously, knowing the possibility of knowing one of the owners of one of the footsteps. 

Carefully, you looked up to see Draco Malfoy, now standing tall in front of you, wearing his trademark of an outfit. He was wearing his black suit gracefully as his parents were wearing the same color, so was Bellatrix. His eyes were on you for a second, and it seemed like there was a mixture of fear and anger as he gave you a quick look. 

Holding himself properly, he then turned his view to Harry as Bellatrix aggressively pulled him up, now kneeling and still breathing in pain. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy were too looking at the boy who lived, judging him with such distaste and superiority as if their lives depended on it. They motioned the death-eaters of Hermione and Ron to pull them to their side, pushing them to the other side of the room. 

Forgetting to wonder why they didn’t have you pulled to the other side as well, your eyes were still glued on Draco despite the fact that he was now looking at Harry with the same judgemental eyes as his parents, but there was only a small hint of nervousness or confusion in him. 

Bellatrix started to grow impatient as the Malfoy’s were just staring at the person she had been holding tightly. “Well?” she reminded, pushing herself to continue with the smile she had on her face. 

Draco scanned Harry, up and down quickly, “I can’t be sure,” he shakily replied to his aunt. 

“Draco,” Lucius warned him, walking towards him as he held him by the neck, shaking him slightly as Draco looked uncomfortable with the situation, causing himself to look down to the ground, “Look closely.” 

Then Lucius turned back to Narcissa for a quick second, then back to Draco, still holding him in the neck, “If we want to hand Potter to the Dark Lord, everything will be forgiven! We will all be as it was, don’t you understand?” he pleaded with Draco, trying to get a nod from his son, who only could give a small shaky nod as he was looking closely yet terrifyingly at his father. 

“Now we won’t be forgetting who actually caught him, I hope, Mr. Malfoy?” said one of the death eaters with an insulting attitude. 

Lucius didn’t bother look to see who had insulted him as he looked away, scolding, “Don’t you dare talk to me like that in MY OWN HOUSE-”

Narcissa rushed to her family’s side, holding his husband, pleading, “Lucius,” she whispered, managing to hold and walk him a few steps backwards, leaving a more terrified Draco, inhaling and exhaling quicker. 

You were desperately holding yourself from going to him, comforting him and telling him that everything was going to be alright even though the chances of that were really difficult to talk about at the moment since you were now in the hardest situation in your life so far. ‘

But Bellatrix spoke before you could think more about Draco, “Don’t be shy, sweetie,” she encouraged her nephew, having him walk slowly closer to her and Harry, “Come over,” 

Draco knelt down, closing some space between him and Harry, feeling uncomfortable. 

“Now, if this isn’t who you think it is and we call him, he’ll kill us ALL. We need to be absolutely sure.”

Draco analyzed the boy in front of him, seeming slightly confused aside from being overly terrified. “What’s wrong with his face?”

“Yes! What IS wrong with his face?” Bellatrix asked, sounding actually curious. 

“He came to us like that,” spoke a death eater, “Something he picked up in the forest.”

“Right,” Bellatrix whispered to herself, then turned around to Hermione and Ron, “Was it you two?” she pointed at them with her wand. The two of them remained silent, watching Bellatrix carefully as they were still being held tightly by the death eaters. 

Draco’s eyes were now glancing at you, now that Bellatrix wasn’t able to see that his attention was now on you. He remained the same, just looking at you heavily as if he was trying to mentally tell you something. You looked at quietly, with soft eyes as if you wanted to tell him, ‘Oh, Draco’ with a sigh. 

But seeing that the two of them did not give her an answer, she turned back to you, as you were still by Harry’s side. “Or how about you, dear Y/L/N?”

Surprised, you asked, “You know me?”

“Course I do, little miss Y/L/N, pureblood Slytherin, daughters to respected death eaters who I’d pay good galleons to see the looks on their faces if they were here to see how disappointed and embarrassed they’d be if they were in the same room with their selfish little blood traitor daughter of theirs!”

Embarrassed but at the same time angered at the words coming from her mouth, you silently looked down to the ground, muttering to yourself that you needed to keep yourself together from lashing out and making things worse. You held your words from coming from your mouth, closing your mouth strongly. 

There was a slight angered emotion in Draco’s eyes as he was pained to hear what his aunt said about you. If this was like any normal day, he would hex a nasty spell at whoever dared say something cruel to the nicest person he had in his life. Still kneeling down facing Potter, Draco slowly started removing his wand, trying to stop the temptation of hexing that spell on his aunt. 

Thinking that Draco was pulling his wand for other reasons, Bellatrix happened to have a lightbulb switch on above her head, giving her an excellent idea. 

“Give me a wand,” she said, now looking at Hermione, “I wanna see what her last spell was,” she demanded. 

Hermione turned around stiffly, watching Bellatrix walk past her, as she was in the process of getting a wand. Bellatrix started laughing, pointing at Hermione, “Ah, got you!” 

She continued laughing again, taunting Hermione, as she looked so happy to see that all was going well again now. The smile on her face eventually dropped when she looked forward, seeing what was in front of her with a shock on her face. 

“What’s that?” she asked in curiosity mixed with fear. 

She was looking at a sword, which was held by a death eater, who seemed not so scared yet nonchalant about his situation. 

“Where’d you get that from?”

“It was in her bag, when we searched her,” he truthfully replied, “Reckon it’s mine now.”

Without hesitation in her system, Bellatrix waved her wand, vanishing the death eater that had been holding the sword, as it was now in her hands. Hastily, she then choked the two other death eaters with the wave of her wand, putting them in fear. 

You were also in fear yourself just by witnessing the madness your boyfriend’s aunt had in her. The Golden trio as well were also watching with terror in their eyes, not knowing what to do as they were standing, frozen like an ice sculpture. 

“Get out!,” Bellatrix demanded, showing the death eaters that she had choked, away from the living room. They were limping, trying to get away as fast as they could. 

“Sissy,” she said, walking past by her sister who was pointing her wand at the two, to make sure that they wouldn’t do anything as Bellatrix was now walking towards her. Bellatrix held Ron’s shirt tightly, as he looked at her with fright in his eyes since we were ever so close to Bellatrix, “Put the boys in the cellar!” she demanded. 

Narcissa followed her sister’s command, pushing Ron and now Harry to death eaters who were about to show them the way to the cellars. 

Bellatrix went to Hermione, “I’ll have a little conversation with this one,” she said, “Girl to girl!” she shouted, giving off the same closeness as what she did with Ron. 

Thinking Bellatrix had forgotten about you, you looked at Draco for a fast second, who looked at you back with suspense, knowing exactly what you were about to do. He tried giving you small, pleading eyes, trying not to be obvious, but mentally begging you to not do what he thinks you’re about to do didn’t work. You shook off the death eater that was still holding you, walking right to Bellatrix. 

“I don’t think so, Bellatrix,” you warned her, which made the death eaters assigned to Harry and Ron stop from bringing them to the cellar. “You’ll have to include me in this little conversation of yours before you could lay a hand on my friend.”

Feeling like she was threatened, Bellatrix turned to you with such rage in her eyes. She raised her wand, preventing you from walking closer to her, “Uh, uh, uh,” she warned you, causing you to stop walking, “Stay where you are, Y/L/N, you’re welcome to join our conversation, that is, before I-”

“That’s enough of this monstrosity!” Draco demanded.

Bellatrix lowered her wand slightly from you, looking slightly surprised that her nephew found the courage to actually speak now, since he was quite quiet earlier. 

“Is there a problem, Draco?”

Draco nodded, looking at you with wrath, “Of course there is, it’s the audacity of this blood-traitor to talk to you in such a bloody way.” he said, pointing at you with such disgust. 

Bellatrix flashed a proud smile at her nephew, placing her wand down to give a nod in agreement, “Why, you’re absolutely right, dear, Draco!” she said, playing around as she walked towards him to pat him in the back, “I suppose you can agree that she deserves a proper lesson from me?” 

“Let me handle that for you, aunt.” he replied, giving Bellatrix a mischievous smirk, “I am far more disgusted to be in the same room as this blood-traitor. I stopped considering her an ally and a person worthy of respect and prestigiousness the moment she decided to humiliate her proud, well-known name. She is no longer a proud Slytherin to me.”

“Oh?” Bellatrix asked, letting out a fake gasp as she looked at your ‘hurtful’ face. 

“You have no right-” you were interrupted when Draco advanced forward, pushing you as his grip was now on your arm, “Shut up, blood-traitor,” he scolded, “They are all going down to the cellar on my command now. I will teach them all a lesson.” 

Draco thought he successfully won the argument as he started motioning for you and the boys to move when Bellatrix yelped an, “Ah!” 

Everyone including you and Draco turned around to see that Bellatrix was holding onto Hermione, who looked like she was whimpering in internal fear. 

“I believe this mudblood and I are going to have a conversation, the rest of the blood-traitors can go with you, Draco.” she held Hermione now in the shoulder, waving away Draco and the death-eaters. 

“Very well,” he nodded, “Onto the cellars, you filthy rats.” he said, pushing you. 

While walking away from the living room, you managed to turn around to give Hermione an encouraging look on your face as she was now about to have a little conversation with one of the most psychotic wizards alive. 

She tried giving you the same encouraging look considering that you too, were about to go through some serious things as well. Although, something told you that with Draco’s stellar performance of pretending to despise you, you were going to be taken cared of well. 

So you gave Hermione another facial expression before turning back, it was a slight frown at her, realizing that you were leaving a good friend of yours in serious trouble while you were probably saved from that kind of treatment. 

The short trip to the cellar was quite quiet on your hand. Harry and Ron were speaking of horrible things about Draco to each other, knowing perfectly well that Draco could hear them. 

Walking down to the cellars, Draco looked at the death eaters handling the boys and nodded, “I can take it from here.” 

They simply nodded, walking back up the stairs to return to living room. Draco painterly waited for them to be out of sight as his eyes were watching the shadows of the death eaters starting to vanish. 

When their shadows were long gone, Draco let out a huge sigh, dropping the superior aura he had been carrying all day long as he slouched, opening his arms to envelope you tightly into a massive hug. 

“Oh, my dear, my dear, I missed you!” He confessed. 

You hugged him back, rubbing his back as he started inhaling and exhaling with such pace. “I missed you more, Draco, are you alright?” You asked, pulling away from him, cupping his face with one hand. 

He smiled, raising his hand to hold your hand which was softly rubbing his cheek now. “I’m not the same without you. I could ask you the same, please, are you hurt?” He sounded so cautious, looking at you, up and down to scan if you were alright. 

“I’ve had better days,” you joked, causing him to smile. 

“I know,” he said, “But honestly, my love, I have missed you. I couldn’t stop thinking of every worse situation that could have happened to you. Every night, I pray to Merlin, asking him to keep you safe and alive. I-I have nightmares of you, getting hurt, and not being able to save you, and it pains me, Y/N, I can’t lose you, okay? I’m so fortunate that you’re here alive. I would be so lost without you, I don’t think I could keep this up anymore had I known you were gone.” 

You felt like your heart had just melted as your-not-so-secret boyfriend confessed his love to you in front of the most important people of the battle. If you could see your exact reaction to what Draco had just said, it was like the most sincere puppy eyes you could give him. It was like you were about to tear up and wail like a pained animal. 

Placing your hands on your cheeks, you melted, “Aw, Draco,” 

Draco, without thinking twice, pulled you in, closing the space between the two of you as he hugged you even more tighter than the first hug you gave each other just a few seconds ago. He rubs your back this time, softly stroking it carefully as he remained silent, knowing it was your turn to confess your feelings to him. 

“I don’t want you to ever think about the worse things happening to me, okay? We will get through this together. We are a team, remember? It’s just you and me forever, Draco. I think about you every second of my life and I will never stop doing that because you and I are meant to be, forever. We need to continue watching each other’s backs, okay? We’re the only way we can keep going in life. When I’m far away from you, just remember I’m always in your heart. You got that, Dray?”

“Mhm,” he replied, covering his face on your shoulder, to hide the emotions he was displaying from Harry and Ron, who were shockingly witnessing a relationship that was kept a secret for years and now had gone public. 

Pulling away, he wrapped one arm around you, so he could turn to the shocked Harry and Ron and quietly said, “I will help all of you,” he muttered, “I will help all of you escape.” 

“Thank you, Malfoy,” Harry whispered, giving a nod of respect to Draco, who looked at you with a small smile on his face. 

This was certainly not the ideal way to publicly reveal yourselves as a couple but the love couldn’t keep you and Draco Malfoy from hiding the secret another minute or two longer. The separation the two of you had ever since the battle had started getting more intense had made it harder for the two of you to see each other, or even communicate by owl. 

Seeing each other after such a long time made it very clear that it was time to show everyone what they have been missing for years as the two of you had let go of the very secret you both swore to keep shut until it was the right time. 

Smiling, you looked up to see your boyfriend seem very eager with his word. Knowing that you were looking at him, he turned to you with a relieved smile. He slightly towered down with his head, kissing you in the forehead, which made you giggle slightly, knowing that he enjoyed giving you small forehead kisses. 

Perhaps sometimes love can be unpredictable when it comes to time.

[yeoldontknow]

დ content tag game დ

tagged by the loveliest angel @augustbutwinter to do this fun tag. thank you so much my love! 

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?  - harry potter, muse, merlin, supernatural, doctor who, sherlock

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for? - kpop only

3. how long have you been writing? on this blog?  - my first actual fanfic would have been when i was about 8? it was for sailor moon but it was literally only in a journal i had. i presume that counts. so that would put us at 24 years lmao - on this blog specifically, since april 2017

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?  - here and AO3

5. what is your favourite genre to write? - aaaaangst lmao and horror/suspense. i love really dark things, and have always had a fascination in writing things that disturb me? i think its from an analytical or psychological perspective, exploring the limits of humanity and processing for myself why these things make me uncomfortable/where i feel them on my body/what is fear vs disgust idk. also very much enjoy fantasy/supernatural. 

6. are you a pantser or a planner? - almost always i have a plan, however there are some fics that come out of nowhere and i just have to write them. examples of this are enough and love; always

7. one shot or multi-chapter? - i usually try very hard to keep things as a one shot, and reserve series for things that actually have substance enough to extend past 3 chapters. lately, all my ideas have been very plot heavy or come from worlds i am very interested in exploring and/or have aspects of emotion i want to work through. if i cant keep it to a one shot (like...under 30k) i will make it a series and ill be angry at myself lmao

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?  - anywhere from 5-9k is a solid, average chapter length for me. some chapters, in hero for example, need to be more than this because theyre the heavy plot chapters. i have been trying not to focus on lengths anymore, just want to write until the story is told

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?  - the longest story ive ever written is 154k in a different fandom and yes its complete. at the moment, hero is breaching 98k and i imagine it will be my longest when its completed

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?  - when it comes to series, hero and time runner will, and always will be, the most special things ive ever done. i feel at home and myself when im writing them. im in love with writing them. the ideas are so strong, and the characters are so loud and clearly defined it just is the best time making art ive ever had. - for one shots, light sakura was truly catharsis. i needed to write that. its the most personal, vulnerable thing ive ever written and will probably never produce something like that again unless theres another major event in my life. also absolutely adored writing molotov cocktail and empty vessels. those are both the easiest 30k ive ever produced

11. favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?)  - brooklyn is burning was technically a request and im extremely partial to it

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?  - oh yeah. usually my female characters are working through bad relationships or finding their voices, seeking identity and power in worlds that dont necessarily provide that. i write what i feel and what ive lived, the worlds around the characters are just exaggerations of reality and my imagination. theres always a little piece of me in my stories, and usually that piece comes down to them learning to trust which is something i struggle with

13. current number of wips?  - please i cannot share this number, not when im ashamed of the amount lmao

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 1. smut is insanely hard for me 2. fluff is almost impossible, and could be considered my weakness. happiness is an external feeling, an outward experience. im a very bodied writer and finding joy or finding small bits of romance is difficult (largely because i live alone) so i will over explain aspects of the idol character or highlight small actions in the effort of holding onto them 3. i am still learning to trust the process

15. a quote you like from a published story.

‘Don’t confuse loyalty with strength,’ you say, as he releases you. You remain still, forehead pressing against the bars to get as close to him as possible. ‘I have no allegiance to you. My silence is not owed to you.’

‘Really?’ he says with disdain. ‘It was given so freely the last two days.’

‘Your ignorance proves you have never truly known a woman,’ you taunt. ‘We are always at war, even if we are silent.’

- from: hero - chapter 3

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

Would it have been easier for you both to survive if you could be a needy, fragile little thing - not ready to die, not ready to leave him on his own?

The night before, Chanyeol held you close, kissed you until your throat felt raw, and made you realize he didn’t want it, didn’t need it. He loved the war in you, handled you like a blade between his fingers, skin unmarred by your sharp edges. He didn’t want it, but you wanted it, at least a little. You wanted him to know there were still traces inside you of the girl you lost.

from: time runner - chapter 7

17. space for you to say something to your readers.

hello beautiful loves. every moment you even click on one of my works an angel gets its wings <3

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @yoonia @kithtaehyung @inkedtae @kookdiaries @kookingtae @xiaokoo @sunshinekims @biaswreckingfics @ditzymax @sugaurora @bangtanhome @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @writtenwhalien @jinpanman @cutechim and anyone else who would like to do this <3 as always please only do so if comfy!