#also barry drinks coffee like it's going out of style.

[phosphoresccent]

silly yogs headcanons - hot drinks <3

xeph drinks black tea - he'd like some soy milk or something, but he's never been arsed to go find some soy and actually make some, so he's just been drinking it black since he crash landed. prefers tea his friends have made for him, even when they make it wrong. doesn't mind coffee but it's not his favourite, more a utility drink than an enjoyable one. if introduced to it, he'd love melbourne breakfast, which is just english breakfast with vanilla.

honeydew loves a good spiced cider, he'd also love chai if he was introduced to it! always has a pot of mulled wine going during yule that he dishes out quite generously to friends. makes a few herbal tea blends himself, mostly for their medicinal effects. a soft chamomile tea with lavender and valerian for nightmares, feverfew, ginger and willowbark for colds and headaches. when he found xephos he just started making big batches of everything rather than making it on demand, so he could take care of his new friend. if he was ever introduced to it, he'd love russian caravan tea (its a smoked black tea, i take it with milk but most people drink it black or with honey or jam)

lalna is a hot chocolate boy. i always headcanon him as having a pretty sensitive palate, and really not liking bitter things, so he doesn't like coffee and he takes his tea very weak with cream and sugar (he mostly just drinks tea socially, he wouldn't make a cup just for himself). he does like sweet mulled wine during yule, but only a little. does like hot water with lemon and honey when he's sick or just feeling a little miserable.

[unironicduncanstan]

@alenoah and @icedancerhell did this and ik im definitely going to be cancelled for my taste but explanations below

prince of egypt: oh my gfucking god . bro the music. the ANIMATION. the story too like obviously its based on a religious tale but i mean the way its portrayed and interpreted and how it all comes across was so on point. and did i mention THE FUCKGIN MUSIC dude i would try to sing every song when i was a kid and i think attempting that literally improved my range growing up

shrek: ok when ur a kid literally all u want is to feel mature and cool. shrek was that in an hour and 30 minutes. all the adult humor. and even the shit that would fly over your head somehow still always registered as so funny. every line is burned into my brain bc i watched it so much it was so fuckgin funny and entertaining and the storyline was so depthful and important. shrek for president

sinbad: oh yeah he makes me wanna sin. Bad

rise of the guardians: oooohhg the plot was so cool and intriguing,,, the designs were so unique,,,, also i actually used to. cosplay jack frost when i was a teen osfkjskjfhksdjf i might have like One picture around here somewhere,

over the hedge: every character is perfectly designed and perfectly voiced and the humor was so good. me at like 8 years old watching hammy the squirrel drink coffee and frolic around in a slowed down world was the peak of comedy

madagascar: its just such a classic. another movie where every line is burned into my cerebellum bc i had it on dvd. id say out of this whole list this close to number one. idk where to even begin with how stupidly hilarious it was to me

httyd: lbr who didnt just do a full [lisa simpson face] when you got to the end and hiccup had lost part of a leg. the whole movie had this aura that it was like not tethered down somehow while still being great family friendly media. also im ace sexual and UHH big dragon

--

antz: unironically i think it deserves so much more than it gets. the anti war messages are great the designs are cool and it goes back into the shrek maturity territory where they get to say CUSS WORDS. p much my only qualm is that woody allen had to be there 😔😔😔  

shark tale: ok dont cancel me but i really love the plot actually. i mostly love the mafia shark boy that dresses as a dolphin but even the will smith fish crash-and-burn fame hubris thing while annoying at times was rly intriguing. and the designs are the kind of thing that as a kid i loved but as an adult i do. struggle , w ith, a bit, but overall funny and entertaining story

el dorado: the music slaps so fuckgin hard thats another example of me tryna sing cartoon music to an embarrassing degree. also the Colorse . the designs . and the humor osjfsjdf the only downside is just a personal vibe bc the best friend conflict storylines make me anxious sometimes lol

flushed away: oh my god dont at me. some of the characters are so fuckgin annoying and some of the humor is just so much but i rly did like the worldbuilding and storyline. stupid posh ass rat was rly cool actually. also yet another mafia/gang violence plot in childrens media why is that so funny when ur a kid god

spirit: GREAT MUSIC GREAT STORY! i think the way the story goes like, its Better to be told with regular horses and narration rather than talking horses,,,, but my dumb whimsical child ass just didnt latch onto that style as much as the talking animal movies

shrek 2: rly good tbh all the new characters introduced are interesting and entertaining to watch, but i mostly remember it for i need a hero and human shrek. didnt rly hit the same mark as the first :/

httyd 2: another great movie with another great twist but it almost felt like too much at once for my little brain to handle. overloaded me with gay emotion 

--

megamind: i love everything it stands for i just never saw it until like a year ago so its not that dear to my heart

kung fu panda: not my style of humor, i saw it once and can hardly remember it but i feel like the plot was wholesome and cute

the croods: so funny and good, ive seen it many times actually. but some of the humor just isnt my thing (its, well, crude, which also took me like 5 yrs to get that joke,)

bee movie: was pleasantly surprised the first time i watched it??? it was pretty good and it did kinda make fun of itself so idk why its so cringe to ppl. barry b benson entertained me unironically

chicken run: i saw it once when i was very young and it just didnt resonate with me also claymation most of my childhood terrified me

wallace and gromit: same as chicken run

--

entire never saw it tier: dotn hate me i just dont have a lot of time on my hands. i know i will be oppressed into watching peabody and sherman within the week and i accept the charges

--

monsters vs. aliens: someone got it for me on dvd and i hated it so much. its not even that bad its just a me thing like for some reason the part where the lady becomes a giant during her wedding or w/e was just like. the worst nightmare i could imagine i hated it and it made me scared to get married bc i thought that could happen to me. also none of the main cast is charming to me one of thems a bug and i have a bug phobia so i could never rly get thru it im sorry but i coudltn do it

madagascar 2: alex backstory was kinda good but the rest was forgettable for me

madagascar 3: visually kinda cool but. :/// felt really off compared to the previous movies, like an obvious cash grab. i mean who could forget the constant polka dot afro circus song advertisements

shrek 3: again mostly just remember it for the frog dad dying ,,,

shrek 4: i only saw it like 5 months ago for the first time. fiona being a warrior in an alternate timeline or w/e (if that was real and not a fever dream) was the only semi tolerable part for me

penguins of madagascar: the first few minutes with them as babies was cute the rest i physically could not keep my attention on. i dont remember anything else im sorry

[fanfics4all]

School Bully

Request: Yes / No  58 with Barry Allen please? Fem!reader  The Barry Allen can be angst and fluff as well Anon

Requests are open <3 Have a nice day/night

Barry Allen x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2366

Warnings: Getting hurt, I think that’s it 

Y/N: Your Name 

Y/N/N: Your Nickname 

Prompt(s): “You don’t have to say anything.”

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK! 

If you want to be on the tag list for anything (My series fics, specific character fics, or just all of them) All you have to do is send me an ask and I will add you! 

Masterlist 

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

Team Barry never can catch a break. New meta-humans all the time and since the Flash was still new to the city many people weren’t taking him seriously. It was late at night, Cisco, Caitlin,Dr. Wells and I were all working at the labs. 

“Check your math. Your dispersal models don’t correlate.” Caitlin said as her and Cisco came up the elevator.

“Uh, they do if you factor in the seasonal fluctuations in reproduction cycles.” Cisco said. 

“What exactly are we debating?” Dr. Wells asked. 

“The average number of bugs Barry swallows in a day of running.” Cisco answered as we entered the room. 

“Sorry, what?” I asked, turning to face them. 

“I look forward to seeing you accept your Nobel.” Dr. Wells said with a sarcastic smile. 

“Barry?” Cisco asked worriedly. Barry was laying on the floor and we all rushed over to him. 

“Barry? Are you okay?” I asked, getting to him first and kneeling next to him. I gently touched him and he groaned in pain. 

“Help me get him up.” Caitlin said and we lifted him up. We laid him on a bad that Caitlin had brought out and she started checking him over. 

“Cisco, Y/N, come, let’s give Miss. Snow some space to work.” Dr. Wells said and we followed him out of the room. We all tried to distract ourselves with work, but I couldn’t.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” I asked and Cisco looked up at me with a smirk. 

“He’ll be fine Y/N/N, he has speed healing after all.”  He said and I bit my lip. 

“I know, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll be okay.” I said and he shook his head with a smile. 

“You really should just tell him how you feel already.” He said and I rolled my eyes. 

“Please, we all know he’s in love with Iris, he wouldn’t even give me a thought.” I said looking back down at my tablet. 

“You never know until you try.” He said. 

“Guys, you can come back in now!” Caitlin said and we all walked back in to see her finishing up. 

“13 fractures.” She said and I started at Barry in shock. 

“That’s a new record, and that’s just in your hand.” She said to him. 

“Just? What else is wrong?” I asked. 

“He also has a concussion, three cracked ribs, and a bruised spleen.” She answered and my eyes widened. 

“Even with his powers, he’ll need a few hours to heal.” She added and Barry nodded. 

“What exactly did you hit?” Dr. Wells asked. 

“A man. A big, bad man.” Barry answered and I furrowed my brow. 

“His skin changed when I hit him. Like, it turned to metal.” He said and my eyes widened again.  

“Interesting. A man of steel.” Wells said. 

“So you went after a meta-human alone?” Cisco asked, walking up to us. 

“Why didn’t you call us, Barry?” I asked. 

“I didn’t know what he was. Besides, I was off-duty.” He answered, sitting up. 

“Hmm?” Caitlin hummed. 

“You’re lucky he didn’t knock out your teeth. Those puppies don’t grow back.” Cisco said and I sent him a glare.

“The strange thing is I feel like I knew him.” Barry said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.  

“He said something that was familiar, but he’s gonna hurt someone if we don’t stop him. So how do I fight a guy that’s made of steel?” Barry asked. 

“We will find a way. Tonight, you heal.” Wells said. 

“Yeah.” He said and everyone went to research. 

Barry was fully healed in the morning and went to work like normal. We were all at the lab trying to figure out what we could do about this new meta-human. It was about noon when Barry returned to the lab. 

“Hey Barry, get anything from work?” I asked. 

“Actually yeah, I know who our new meta-human is.” He answered. 

“Really? Who?” I asked. 

“He’s the guy that bullied me in school.” He answered and I thought back. 

“Wait, do you mean Tony?” I asked, shocked and everyone looked at us. 

“That’s the one.” He answered with a sigh. 

“So, your childhood nemesis is now an unstoppable meta-human. That is seriously messed up.” Cisco said. 

“I had a childhood nemesis. Lexi La Roche. She used to put gum in my hair.” Caitlin said. 

“Jake Puckett. If I didn’t let him copy my homework he’d give me a swirly.” Cisco said. 

“Now’s not the time guys.” I said. 

“Y/N’s right, now that we’ve established that we’re all uber-nerds, what are we gonna do about Tony?” Barry asked. 

“Glad you asked.” Cisco said and started moving around the room. 

“We’re gonna train you, man.” He said walking into the other room and we followed.

“Karate Kid style. Behold!” He said and moved a screen to reveal a robot he apparently made. 

“I call him Girder.” Cisco said proudly. 

“For the record, not my idea.” Caitlin said. 

“Mine either.” I added. 

“Fighting is physics. It’s not about strength. It’s not about size. It’s about energy and power. Channel your speed the right way and you can totally take this bad boy down. Now obviously your Girder is a moving target.” He said and picked up a controller. 

“So…” He said and started making the robot move. Barry looked over at Caitlin and me, we smiled nervously. 

“I have ice and bandages standing by.” Caitlin said. Barry shook his head and then started trying, but got hit and fell to the ground groaning in pain.

“I’m pretty sure I just dislocated my shoulder.” He said and I sighed. 

“Come on Bar, let’s get it back in place.” I said helping him up. I sat him on a nearby table and got ready to put it back in place. 

“This is gonna hurt like a bitch, Bar.” I said and he hissed in pain. Before I could do it, his phone rang. He looked at it and groaned. 

“Oh speaking of pain. Eddie, hey.” He answered and I knew why he said that now. Iris’s soon to be husband… 

“Great, I’ll see you in a sec.” He said and hung up. 

“Okay, let’s do this.” He said and laid back down. 

“So I’m curious about something, when you said you were off-duty last night, were you visiting Iris again, you know, in disguise?” I asked.

“Because I think it’s reckless and a little creepy.” I said. 

“No.” He said clearly lying. I pushed his shoulder back in and he screamed in pain. 

“That’s what you get for lying.” I smirked and he shook his head at me. 

“I gotta go.” He said and I nodded. 

“I’ll be here trying to figure out how to deal with Tony.” I said and he ran off. We’ve been working for three hours now and I decided I needed a coffee break. 

“Hey guys, I’m gonna go to Jitters and get some coffee, anyone want anything?” I asked. 

“No, I’m good, thanks.” Caitlin said and I smiled. 

“Me too!” Cisco said and I nodded. 

“Okay, well, I’ll be back!” I called and left. I got to Jitters and ordered my coffee. I was waiting at the counter and my friend was working today. 

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you, where’s your shadow?” She asked and I looked at her confused. 

“What shadow?” I asked. 

“Barry, duh, he hasn’t been in all week.” She said and I sighed.

“He’s been busy.” I said and she looked at me sadly. 

“With Iris?” She asked. 

“Yes and no.” I answered. 

“Too bad, you two could make such a cute couple.” She said and handed me my coffee. 

“Y/N?” Someone called my name and I looked over to see Tony… 

“Long time no see.” He said with a smile and I stared at him shocked. 

“I gotta say Y/N, you look amazing.” He said walking closer to me. 

“Thanks, Tony.” I said shaking my head. I needed to pretend I didn’t know what he was. 

“You too.” I lied. 

“Oh yeah, I keep in shape. Got a gym at my place.” He said looking at his arms for a second. 

“Been living out in Keystone on the west side, and you should, uh… you should stop by sometime.” He said.

“Right, well I should actually be going now.” I said and tried to walk by him. 

“Actually, I came by here to see you.” He said, stopping me. 

“How did you know I was here?” I asked. 

“I saw you come in and I heard you’re a fan of The Streak. Why do you care about this guy?” He asked. 

“He’s a hero.” I answered. 

“Yeah? Well I say he’s a coward, and I just happen to know that he took a beating last night and ran off like a little girl. You should think about that.” He said and I sighed. 

“Do you have any idea who leather boy is?” He asked, getting closer to me. 

“No, and don’t you think you’d have a better chance of finding out by asking Iris these questions?” I asked and he chuckled. 

“Iris just writes about him. But you work at S.T.A.R Labs, seems like you would know before her.” He said and I looked at him confused. 

“Why? Do you think we track every meta in the city? No, we don’t.” I said. 

“Now, if you excuse me I have to get back to work.” I said. 

“What time are you off? I could buy you a drink, maybe dinner.” He asked, stopping me again. 

“Thanks, Tony, but no thanks.” I said. 

“Too bad, no isn’t an option.” He said and grabbed my arm. He pulled me out of the store and grabbed my keys out of my bag. He shoved me into my car and got in the driver’s seat. He started driving and I couldn’t get to my phone. I was trapped with this dickhead. 

It was starting to get dark and by the time he stopped the car, the city was covered in darkness. He dragged me out and pulled me into our old school. 

“Remember this place, Y/N?” He said and shoved me in front of him. 

“So what’s the plan here, Tony? You finally gonna go for that G.E.D.?” I asked and he shoved me to walk. 

“You want a plan? How’s this?” He asked and pulled me to him. 

“You love The Streak so much? Well now, you’re gonna love me.” He said. 

“You just abducted me, Tony. Why the hell would I ever do that?” I asked and he smirked. 

“Because The Streak is dead.” He said and I looked at him confused. 

“What are you talking about?” I asked. 

“Squashed like a little bug by me. Just before I took you.” He said and my eyes widened. 

“So if you don’t want the same thing to happen to you, you’re gonna love me and tell Iris to tell the whole world that there’s a new big man on campus. And I’m just getting started.”  He shouted, then leaned against the lockers. 

“Why me?” I asked. 

“Because, I always wanted you in school. But you were always in love with that pipsqueak Barry.” He said grabbing me and pulling me towards him. 

“Now, kiss me.” He said and planted his lips on mine. I kissed back, only to distract him and make him loosen his grip on me. I moved my arm and quickly hit the fire alarm. I pulled away and tried to run, but he grabbed me, hard. 

“You try anything like that again and I’m gonna leave more than a bruise!” He shouted and pulled me with him. He ripped the fire alarm off the wall and he pulled me along. 

“Tony, just turn yourself in before things get worse, please. It’s not too late.” I begged and he laughed. 

“Yeah, it is.” He said and pushed me in front of him. 

“Cops are already looking for me, so get ready to witness the showdown of a lifetime, ‘cause I’m not letting you go without a fight.” He said and then a gust of wind showed up. 

“Good, ‘cause you just found one.” Barry said, his voice changed and I smiled. Tony grabbed me and turned towards him. 

“You just won’t stay dead. Come to save your little fan girl?” He asked and I saw Barry’s fists clenched. 

“This is between us. Let her go.” Barry said and Tony smirked. He looked at me and kissed my cheek. 

“Sorry babe.” He said and threw me into the lockers with such a force. 

“Y/N!” Was the last thing I heard before I blacked out. 

I woke up in one of the S.T.A.R Labs bed, with the worst headache ever. I groaned and looked over to see Barry sitting next to me. I sat up and he looked at me with wide eyes. 

“You’re okay!” He said and engulfed me in a huge. 

“Besides a horrible headache, yeah.” I laughed. 

“I’m sorry, you were in that situation because of me.” He said and I hushed him. 

“You don’t have to say anything.” I said and he shook his head. 

“It’s my fault you got hurt.” He said and started crying. I looked at him shocked and pulled him into a hug. 

“Hey, it’s okay Bar. I’m gonna be fine.” I said and rubbed his back. 

“I love you Y/N, I don’t want you in danger, ever.” He said, pulling back and my eyes widened. 

“W-What?” I asked and he chuckled. 

“I love you Y/N.” He said and gently caressed my cheek. 

“I thought you love Iris…” I said. 

“I did, but I love her as a sister, but you, you I love more than a friend.” He said and I bit my lip. He leaned down and captured my lip in the perfect kiss. He pulled away and smiled at me. 

“Maybe when you’re better, I could take you on a date?” He asked and I giggled. 

“I’d love that Bar.” I said and pulled him back for another kiss. 

Tag list: @les-bio-lie @tashy-bear @ashwarren32 @hollie-blogs @schisbro87 @lover-of-books-and-teas @nerdygaloresposts @alex--awesome--22 @teenwolfbitches2 @genius2050 @drw0301bieber @softgamerking​ @lady-of-lies​ @simonsbluee​ @ravenmoore14​ @maynardqueen101​ @flashettewrites

[penniesforthestorm]

“I’ve never seen such beautiful horses!”-- Justified Season Three, Episode One: “The Gunfighter”

On the internet, no one knows when you take an unintentional month-long hiatus... (Everything’s fine, by the way; I was just busy.) But I’m back and ready to dive into another season of murder, mayhem, and wisecracking shenanigans. Recaps and notes for Seasons One and Two are tagged ���#did you miss my heart on purpose’, and I’ll follow the usual procedure here: first and final episodes of the season will get individual entries, and everything in between will be grouped in threes. I’ll confess right off the bat, having seen the show in its entirety, the 3rd season is my favorite, so I’m looking forward to it-- as always, comments, questions, and conspiracies are welcome!

“The Gunfighter” picks up with the aftermath of the S2 finale, “Bloody Harlan”: Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) is in the hospital, being treated for the bullet wound he received in the firefight outside Mags Bennett’s house. Deputy Chief Art Mullen (Nick Searcy) reassures the frantic Winona Hawkins (Natalie Zea) that Raylan will pull through, and, as she attempts to thank him, he waves her down the hall. Three weeks later, Raylan is on his feet again, but still recovering-- after a dissatisfying round of target practice, Art recommends another week of light duty, and, on his way out the door, informs Raylan, “Crowder’s here.”

There are, of course, two conversations happening during the following scene: as Raylan casually mentions that all of Mags Bennett’s marijuana drying sheds have been cleaned out and searched, and oh, by the way, there’s a chunk of Bennett money missing, he’s trying to suss out Boyd Crowder’s potential involvement. (Raylan describes the amount as “somewhere in excess of... ten dollars”. Boyd jokes that, with that kind of money, he’d run off to Mexico. Raylan responds with a more pointed joke: “I don’t think you’d like it. There’s a lot of Mexicans down there.”) Boyd (Walton Goggins) also has an agenda, though we don’t see the full import until the final moments of the episode. As Raylan’s departing, Boyd brings up Dickie Bennett, claiming that a bargain was made: Boyd would let Dickie go with Raylan to save Loretta McCready, and Raylan would leave Dickie at Boyd’s disposal. This inflames Raylan’s self-righteousness, and he takes a swing at Boyd. The camera switches to Art Mullen, on the phone in his office, who looks over his shoulder just in time to see Boyd and Raylan crash through one of the glass panels of the interview room. (Art’s reaction is priceless--something along the lines of you kids don’t make me have to come over there...) The other marshals swarm in to haul Boyd off to jail.

The next scene finds us in the Frankfort office of Emmitt Arnett, last seen agreeing to Gary Hawkins’ land-development scheme. He’s meeting with a stranger (later named as Robert Quarles, played by Neal McDonough)-- an imposing man in an expensive pinstriped suit, all the more menacing for his enthusiastic cheerfulness, expounding on the beauty of the Kentucky countryside. Arnett sits him down, and his pretty secretary Yvette brings in the coffee with her signature gimmick-- offering a “lil’ kick” of bourbon. Quarles refuses, and as he watches Yvette leave, lectures Arnett, telling him, “You’ve lost her respect.” Furthermore, he notes, “Detroit is concerned”-- Arnett’s land holdings have lost value, and Quarles has been sent to collect on a loan: $250,000, to be exact. Arnett tells him the money will be there tomorrow, and, as Quarles leaves, he turns his attention to the other stranger in the room: a lean, dark-haired man in a grungy leather jacket. “You said you were looking for work,” Arnett remarks.

Back in Harlan, we discover what’s happened to at least some of Mags Bennett’s marijuana-- it’s sitting in garbage bags, piled up in Arlo Givens’ parlor and tool shed. Arlo (Raymond J. Barry) and Devil (Kevin Rankin) have called Hot Rod Dunham, to give him the right of first refusal. As Hot Rod and his boys inspect the product, Ava arrives, and Devil brags about the arrangement, claiming to be acting on Boyd’s behalf and more or less shoving Ava aside. Things go south quickly-- Hot Rod informs them that the plants are rotting and attracting vermin, and refuses to take them, and Devil gets snotty. Ava is able to intervene and send Hot Rod on his way, sarcastically noting to Devil and Arlo, “Did that go about like you expected?”

The major business of the episode centers around the wolfish stranger in Arnett’s office-- a.k.a. federal fugitive Fletcher “The Ice Pick” Nix (Desmond Harrington). We find out how he got the moniker in a tense burglary scene-- he ends a standoff over a suitcase full of expensive watches by stabbing his adversary in the hand with the titular weapon and shooting him in the head. Over at the Marshals’ Office, Deputy Tim tells Raylan that he thinks Nix might be linked to Wynn Duffy. Raylan reluctantly agrees to accompany Tim on a fact-finding mission to Duffy’s motor home, where Duffy gives a revealing non-answer to a direct question about Nix, and dismisses them by mentioning his urgent schedule of “watching women’s tennis”. Duffy calls Arnett, warning him that the Feds are on the scent, and sure enough, an oblivious Raylan encounters Nix in the elevator on the way to Arnett’s office. Arnett isn’t there, but Yvette is, and Raylan takes her for a drink at the Sheraton, where she coyly ‘reveals’ that Nix and Arnett will be meeting later that night. As the marshals prepare an ambush, Raylan confides to Art that he suspects Yvette’s information was not on the level.

Meanwhile, Ava has visited Boyd in jail, where he informs her that he’s being transferred to the state facility, and she asks what to do about the weed. Boyd tells her to burn it (Boyd’s disregard for anything to do with marijuana will come up again, much later down the line). As Ava prepares supper for Arlo and Devil, she relays Boyd’s orders, and once again, Devil gets lippy. Ava, carefully setting down a sizzling pan of greens, sweetly advises him that her patience is about to run out. “What’re you gonna do? Spit in our food?” he sneers, as Arlo cackles in the background. (I don’t know how Rankin managed such a beautifully bitchy facial expression, but boy, it’s effective.) Without a second of hesitation, Ava whacks him with the pan, sending him sprawling over backward with a bloody nose. (Don’t hit people with cast-iron pans unless you really, really mean it.)

Raylan’s suspicion of Yvette turns out to be well-founded-- the marshals’ attempt to ambush Nix and Arnett is a bust, though Deputy Rachel Brooks manages to tackle one of the decoys. Raylan drives Winona back to his motel room, and the two of them discuss baby names. (Raylan suggests “Felix”, Winona jokingly supplies “Jiffy Pop” and/or “Palmolive”). They have an unexpected visitor-- Fletcher Nix, who, in his marble-mouthed drawl, introduces himself as “the one with the gun”. Of course, Raylan is also armed, but Nix persuades him to take off his holster and sit down. He tries another round of his favorite game, but Raylan is prepared-- he grabs the tablecloth and pulls Nix’s pistol toward him before Nix has time to get the ice pick ready. (I’m a little sorry Nix didn’t get to stick around; Harrington’s weird charisma fits right into the show’s goon menagerie...) Back in Frankfort, Quarles gives Wynn Duffy quite an introduction: he shoots Arnett and Yvette with a pistol rigged up his sleeve, Travis Bickle-style. Duffy looks genuinely unnerved.

And finally, we get some hint of what Boyd was up to during his seemingly unprovoked spat with Raylan: as he’s led down the hall of the state prison, he passes by two characters with whom he has unfinished business--Dickie Bennett and Dewey Crowe. They appear to have taken quite a shine to each other-- Dewey has been describing the relative pros and cons of getting tattoos in various places, espousing it as one more way to pass the time. Boyd makes no verbal greeting, but the look in his eyes as he marches into his cell speaks volumes--after all, he’s more or less on his home turf now. Stay tuned...

[raysofcrosby]

here’s a list of imagines i have planned once ldyk is finished! 

[ note: only two have titles because those are the only two i’ve had in my drafts for 2 months and planned everything but haven’t written yet lol || also, i’ve accumulated these off of pinterest and some here on tumblr, when i post them i will link where i got the idea from! ]

EDIT: I forgot to add a few last night, so after work tonight when I get home, I’ll add some more!

before i let you go – travis konecny

“ did i think he was ‘the one’? i'll never know, at sixteen everyone is ‘the one.’”

sunkissed – brock boeser

“ in every girls’ life, there is a boy she’ll never forget and a summer where it all began.“

“hey stop! you’re stealing my moms dog! what the fu– oh, she hired a dog walker? hahahha...hi.” – tyler seguin

“i got lost in a corn maze after dark and found another boy just as lost, i guess we can be lost together.” – andre burakovsky

"your friends dared you to join my line dancing group, but you’ve come back night after night...you must really like line dancing.” – jamie oleksiak

“it’s 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole– would you stop laughing, you’re supposed to be helping mr. nice bystander.” – mat barzal

“you can’t get tattooed drunk, come back in the morning and if you still want my name on your ass, we’ll talk.” – tom wilson

“my uber was about to cancel because my flight was delayed and if i’m late to my sister’s bridal sleepover before the wedding tomorrow she’ll kill me, so i grab the first bag i see that’s identical to mine but oops...it’s actually yours because ant-man boxers aren’t really my style.” – matt tkachuk

“i recently found out that my cat has been treating your apartment like a second home, so first of all i apologize, and second of all, can i have him back please?” – tyson barrie

“take me laser tagging and push me into a corner and kiss me, then shoot me and walk away.” – adrian kempe

“escaped to the laundry room to avoid hearing my roommate having extremely loud sex, only to find you’re here doing the same thing.” – josh anderson

“so we’ve never met but our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we’re showering at the same time and we sing duets.” – tyson jost

“our friends are getting married and have been trying to set us up for months, but things keep getting in the way so they orchestrated for us to catch the bouquet and garter at their wedding and oh– you have to put it where? we can’t just dance?” – boone jenner

“i’m helping my niece’s girl scout troop sell cookies and hell no, fuck off soccer coach, we were here first.” – kevin hayes

“i’m a florist and you keep buying flowers from me and what do you mean it was my fault we didn’t get together earlier? you were buying flowers and i assumed you had a girlfriend!” – jeff skinner

“my dog steals underwear and i come home to find you chasing my dog to get your underwear back.” – colton parayko

“you got stood up on a date at the coffee shop i work in– here, let me get you a drink on the house.” – elias lindholm

“my ex just invited me to their wedding and i need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like i’ve spent the last few years failing to get over them.” – brock mcginn

“i’m babysitting my little brother and he begs me to go to the park, so we go and you were also there and he seems to really like you– oh, so you’re the camp counselor he keeps talking about.” – dylan larkin

“i went ice skating to give it a try because my friends said it was really fun but i’m making a complete fool out of myself, fuck i can’t do this– you seem to be pretty good though, can you teach me?” – nolan patrick

[hms-chill]

RWRB Chapter 15

Hi y’all! I’m going through Casey McQuiston’s Red, White & Royal Blue and defining/explaining references! Feel free to follow along, or block the tag #rwrbStudyGuide if you’re not interested!

Kensington gardens* (386): The park behind Kensington palace.

Hampton Court Palace (386): A London palace that is made up of both domestic Tutor and foreign Baroque styles.

Hyde Park (386): A large park in London.

Harrods (387): A fancy department store in London.

Long Water (388): A recreational lake in Kensington gardens.

Cullen skink (388): A thick Scottish soup made of smoked haddock, potatoes, and onions.

Maiden voyage (389): A ship’s maiden voyage is its first time out of port; as a term a maiden voyage is the start of something big.

Wellington boots (391): Any type of rubber boots.

Poison oak (392): A weed that grows in the woods and can cause a rash.

Swan song (393): A last effort or performance given before retirement

Punt so hard (393): Punt is a football term, but in this case, it means to play it safe rather than taking a risk for a potentially much larger payoff. 

Rebecca Traister (396): An American writer known for her feminist, political work.

Roxane Gay (396): An American writer and professor whose work deals with race, feminism, and sexuality.

Captain America-esque (396): A superhero who, even before becoming a superhero, picked street fights with “bullies” and pretty much anyone he sees taking advantage of someone else.

Hello! US (398): A celebrity/royal news magazine.

Linoleum floor (399): Linoleum is an inexpensive, hardy flooring option common in community centers, schools, and other high-traffic areas that are generally unconcerned with looking nice.

Blue (400): the color associated with the Democratic (liberal) party.

Zilker Park (400): The most popular park in Austin, the hub for many recreational activities and the start of popular hiking and biking trails.

VRA in ‘65 (401): The Voting Rights Act of 1965, which prohibits racial discrimination in voting.

Palmer Event Center (401): A large event center in central Austin.

Girl-next-door (401): A term for a girl who is idolized as sweet; one you grew up near and maybe had a crush on.

Dallas to Austin (402): While it takes ~30 minutes to fly from Dallas to Austin, it takes ~2 hours and 30 minutes to drive.

Protestant God (403): The Republican party is often associated with steadfast Christianity, despite actively doing things that the Bible condemns.

Super Bowl (404): The biggest football game of the year.

Obama v. McCain (404): The 2008 presidential race between Barack Obama and John McCain, when Democrat Barack Obama became the first African American president of the US.

Letterman jacket (405): A letterman jacket is awarded to a high school athlete who has made varsity or been on a team for a certain amount of time.

APUSH (405): Advanced placement US history, a US history course taken for college credit while in high school.

Anderson Cooper (406): Openly gay journalist and TV anchor for CNN.

CNN (406): The Cable News Network, a liberal leaning news station.

1976 Jimmy Carter (406): Jimmy Carter was the American president from 1977-1981. He pardoned Vietnam War draft dodgers on his second day in office, and he is the only US president to have lived in subsidized housing before taking office. His lower class farming background meant that many saw him as a man of the people.

Gerald Ford (406): Following Nixon’s Watergate scandal and resignation (to prevent impeachment), Gerald Ford was sworn in as president. He was president from 1974-1977 and is the only person to serve as both president and vice president without being voted in.

Yellow rose of Texas (407): “The Yellow Rose of Texas” is a song from 1850 singing the praises of a beautiful biracial woman. (listen here)

Wolf Biltzer (408): An American journalist who has been an anchor for CNN since 1990 and is their lead political reporter.

West Side Bastardos (408): Los Angeles Westside is (generally speaking) a younger, well-educated neighborhood (more stats here). “Bastardos” is Spanish for “bastards”.

Gloria Estefan (408): A Cuban-American singer/songwriter who has work in both Spanish and English. (listen here and here)

Whiskey-warm drawl (409): When you drink whiskey, it’s a warm sensation that starts in the back of your throat, then goes down to warm you up from the inside. Whiskey is also commonly associated with Texas/the Wild West.

Canvassed (410): Canvassing is when you go door-to-door encouraging people to vote for a certain candidate.

Hunger Games cannon (410): In The Hunger Games, a canon goes off and an announcement appears in the sky when an contestant has been killed.

Backyard shooting range (411): American gun law is... deeply broken, and Florida in particular is known for being a bit wild.

Mijo (411): A Spanish term of endearment that literally translates to “My son”.

Mafioso (413): A member of the mafia.

Brownstone (414): A type of townhouse common in New York City that can cost up to four million dollars.

Concession call (414): A call from a political candidate admitting that they’ve lost a race.

Oil paintings (415): Every American president has an official portrait of them, traditionally an oil painting.

Library of Congress (415): The research library that officially serves congress and is the de facto national library of the US. 

Dried flowers from a homecoming corsage (416): When a girl is asked to her high school homecoming, the asker will typically buy her a corsage, a small bouquet worn around the wrist. 

Cordless phone (416): Probably a home phone (did other people grow up with those? Pre-cell phones), which would be used by everyone in the house.

Rec center tutoring (416): Tutoring younger kids is a common volunteer project for high schoolers, and the fact that it’s at a community recreation center means that it is probably offered for free.

Barton Creek Greenbelt (416): A long, thin park that runs through southwest Austin.

Cold-brews (416): A type of iced coffee that has become especially popular in the past few years.

Lavaca (417): A street in central Austin that runs past the Texas State Capital Building.

“Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” (417): A song about how a couple is going to make it through anything together and nothing is going to stop them from achieving their goals. (listen here)

Everything’s bigger, after all (417): A reference to the saying that everything’s bigger in texas.

Old West Austin (417): A very well-off, historic district in Austin, TX.

Westover (417): A road in Old West Austin, presumably the one Alex’s family used to live on.

------

*Fun fact, J.M. Barrie wrote Peter Pan here! Another fun fact, Barrie was asexual!

------

And that’s a wrap! We did it! If there’s anything I missed or that you’d like more on, please let me know! And if you’d like to/are able, please consider buying me a ko-fi? I know not everyone can, and that’s fine, but these things take a lot of time/work and I’d really appreciate it!

—–-

Chapter 1 // Chapter 14

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Occupational hazards

Barry Berkman x Reader

Three part series: It was just another job, he doesn’t even had to kill anyone, but the way she looked at him was more dangerous than the bullets.

Part I Part II Part III

Angst with a happy ending

Warnings: Violence, cursing, blood, stalkers.

Part I

“I remember telling you to fuck off and stop calling me” You say answering the phone the fifth time it rings, knowing too well he won’t stop until you do “I made myself clear, don’t call me, don’t contact me, keep your stupid flowers and presents to yourself and stay the fuck away from me”

“Oh my little Y/N” Says his drunk voice in the other end “You know you like it, this little number of yours, pretending you don’t need a man will end as soon as you feel lonely, why don’t we speed things up and simply let me come up with you?” He said and you froze, how does he knew you were at the second floor of your house? You looked outside the window but couldn’t see anything, nervously you closed your sleeping robe with a tight knot suddenly feeling exposed “You don’t have to be so shy, I already know what is behind that” He said and you toss the phone aside, but you could still listen to his laugh, when will this nightmare end??

“Fuck you Richard!!!” You scream at the phone, but he had already hung up. You closed all the windows and went straight to your bathroom cabinets, it had to be there.

You finally found it, a few years back when your name was still unknown and your main job was stacking candles and towels in a store, and before you had a sociopath for an ex, you became friends with this weird and really sweet bald guy on Pottery Barn, you helped him redecorate his room and you even talk once in a while over the phone, or at least until last year when he said he was going back to Chechnya to visit his family, but before he went away, and after he met the charming man you were dating and seeing the bruises in your arms he gave you a card and told you, if you ever need to get rid of that guy just call this number.

You light on a cigarette, and sit on the floor of your bathroom thinking, what does get rid of meant? Hank, judging by his tattoos, was not an entirely innocent folk, but at this point you were desperate, and you cursed yourself for ever start dating a man like that, the all charming and thoughtful movie producer, you knew your career will be damaged forever if you kept avoiding him but coming back to be treated like garbage and not being able to eat, dress or think on your own was not an option. You finally gathered the courage and dialled the number.

“Fuches” a raspy voice said on the other end.

“Hi, ammm” you were not sure what exactly where you going to say.

“Who is this? Hello?? Who gave you this number? Are you there?” The man seem angry and a bit condescending in his tone and somehow his rudeness made you speak up.

“Yeah, I’m here” You started with more confidence “I got this number from NoHo Hank, he said you could help me to… to get rid of someone”.

“Ahh” The man was calmed now, almost happy “Well in that case any friend of Hank is friend of mine, but I warn you madame that won’t be cheap” He said and you stand up from the floor glimpsing at yourself in the mirror, shocked to see how pale you looked, and how scared you actually felt.

***

Barry entered his apartment begging for Jermaine or Nick to be there and use them as an excuse to tell Fuches to fuck off, but it was empty except for the never ending amount of trash that always was in their comon space, he stopped trying to tell them to clean like three months ago and now he only limited to hide in his room away from the beer cans and chips bags.

It didn’t matter that much really, at least not before, as long as Sally was there to talk to him or as long as he could call her, but then she got that part in a big movie, and he was happy for her, that was her dream and he would never get between her and her dream, but then she stop being around the class due to rehearsals, and then she change a beer in Residual’s to fancy and expensive dinners with her costars and then one day she simply said goodbye.

But he had come to the conclusion that he deserved that, he took away Mr. Cousineau’s happiness so it was only fair for him to lose it as well, and Sally was still his friend, as long as he could find a 5 minutes gap to talk in her busy schedule every other week.

He was still on the class, and he was getting better or at least he no longer missed his lines, and he had even recieved a callback for a commercial, but he didn’t get it in the end.

And now Fuches was coming back to screw up everything again, Barry looked at the clock, 4:02 he would be there any minute, for a brief moment his mind travel to his gun under his bed, and how just one year before he was desperate to see him and kill him from once, but then Mr Cousineau started making questions, and to suspect, accurately, that he had killed Moss, and Fuches chose to come clean, or at least enough to settle things down.

He told Gene the Chechens killed Moss and that they wanted to implicate Barry, so he called the cops on him so Barry would take the blame and end up in jail, he played his Part as a poor looser, alone and miserable well enough and Barry chose not to kill him, as long as he would stay away from them, and he had kept his promise until that morning. He would say no, obviously but he needed to say it to his face to reassure him or to himself that it was all done.

A knock on the door put him in alert, and he muttered a simple “Come in” keeping himself away from the entrance. Fuches entered the room with an almost curious expression on his face, he looked at the trash an made a disgusted frown, and then looked at Barry from head to toe, he looked paler or maybe just tired, he for sure was, that stubborn woman was by far the most picky and difficult client he ever had by far, but with enough luck Barry may solve it.

“Nice place” He said finally with a sarcastic grin

“That’s my roommate’s doing” Barry answered in a monotone “Coffee? beer?”

“If you are really being nice I’ll take the beer” Fuches said and without waiting for an invitation he found a place to sit.

“I’m not.” Barry answered and sit in front of him. “What do you want?”

“Ahh there it is” Fuches roll his eyes “I got a job for you, and I think you may like this one…”

“What the fuck man?” Barry interrupted mid sentence. “We haven’t seen each other in almost a year, I was very clear then as I’m now I don’t want to do that anymore”

“Boy listen, is way easier and you’ll get pay three times more than previous works” He said completely ignoring him.

“I don’t give a fuck about the money, I told you I don’t want to work for you” Barry put both hands over his face, this was exasperating.

“Fine, now look at me like you were about to kill me” He said taking Barry by surprise.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He said after an uncomfortable silence.

“Look kid, a week ago I received a call from a crazy actress, you may know her Y/N something” He started

“Is not Y/N Y/L/N by any chance?” Barry asked, remembering something that Natalie and Sasha said about her.

“Yes, that one, complete basket case” Fuches continued “She asked me if I could eliminate her ex boyfriend, some Hollywood big shot that I genuinely couldn’t care less about. I said yes sure, I’ll send someone to do it, then she change her mind and called me back, and said she simply wants to scare him, but she wants to meet the guy she is paying. And she hated him, and I show her my folder of other employees and well…”

“Oh come on man, that’s on you, you shouldn’t have my picture there” Barry said now understanding what had happen.

“Yeah I get that, but the thing is I said to her you no longer work for me, and she offered the triple, and I told her that if she wanted you so badly then she would have to convince you by herself, and that’s why I’m here, I need you to go see her, say no and then she would pick one of my guys and I’ll be out of your life forever” He said like if he was offering the most interesting deal ever. “Take it as an acting job” He add when Barry didn’t respond “You get to meet a pretty and famous actress, and you can scream to her everything you just said to me, also I’ll pay you”

Barry remained silent for another moment thinking about the situation, it seemed like an easy deal, and some extra money wouldn’t be that bad, and if he played his cards well enough he could even make sure Fuches to stay away form him for good.

“Fine I’ll do it” he said after a while “But is just this and it’s over, no more phone calls, no more jobs no anything, I turn down this woman and that’s it.” He said seriously.

“Consider it done son, just one more deal and I’m out of your life” Fuches said happy, and then got up the chair and started leaving “You have to meet her tomorrow in a restaurant, I’ll send you the address” Barry nodded and watched him leave, then he went to his room to search something about the woman he was about to meet.

Y/N was a gorgeous woman and a talented actress, but apparently the media didn’t like her very much since she had a reckless life style, there were many pictures of her smoking and drinking, and she had a long list of ex lovers, and the most prominent of those was some guy called Richard Maverick, he recognized that name, it was the director and producer of Sally’s movie, more of a reason to not working for that woman, since the guy didn’t seem like a bad person, and she did.

***

Sparkling bubbles were moving in your glass of water, it have been sitting there since the waiter pour it, but you were to nervous to touch it, it was a nice table, out in the terrace of the restaurant and you were sure anyone walking by the street would be able to see you, so it worked perfectly for your plan, now everything else depended on the man you hear approaching behind you.

“Snow White?” He asked and sited in the spot in front of you, he was clean shaved and wearing a black blazer over a dark green tshirt, definitely not what you expected from someone of his profession.

“Is from Notting Hill, the movie with Julia Roberts, don’t you like it? God you really are tall, how much is it like 6'3”?“ You said unable to stop yourself, but concentrating on his face, there was something sad about his blue eyes, almost melancholic.

"6'2” and no I don’t think I saw it, the oscar winning one?“ He said a bit ashamed by his poor Hollywood trivia knowledge.

"Oh absolutely not, some old romantic comedy, you should see it some time.” You said, and the whole situation felt more and more surreal “Well I’m Y/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you Mr. Berkman, or do you prefer Block?” You said please to se the surprise on his face.

“Berkman is fine, how do you know?” He said examining your face.

“Well is not every day that I have to hire a professional assassin, so I needed to get some references, and your employer was distracted enough so I could stole this from him, here you can have it back” You said sliding his picture across the table. “I saw a couple videos of your callbacks, you shouldn’t stoop that much when you read it would help in the auditions”

“So this is what you do?” He said and his tone was calm but there was fury in his eyes “You manipulate people into working with you, making then feel like you know everything about them and pretending to be nice and polite? Well I have news for you, first of all I don’t work for Fuches, and second, you can put out all of this glamorous crap that you have on me and the answer still be no, I don’t this anymore”

“Would you like to order?” The waiter said before any of you could keep speaking.

“Sure, shrimp risotto for me, and for my dear friend… what do you want honey?” You said smiling at him.

“The same sounds fine” he said and smile back at you changing his tone immediately. “And red wine?"He asked you with a checky wink and you nodded. "Red it is” The waiter nod and walked away.

“Not bad, you are a quick responder, I like that” you said looking as the man walked away. “But you don’t know shit about me” You spat at him once the waiter couldn’t hear “Glamorous crap? Oh let me guess you read one of the many articles about how much of a whore I am? I have a drinking and smoking problem is that it? That I have slept my way into every work I ever had, and how little I deserved my career, and how much good it was for Richard to walk away form me even when he still loves me? Well that’s all bullshit” There it was again, even when you were trying to escape he was still holding you in his hands. “Well the magazines that work for him doesn’t tell I went to drama school, they didn’t say I have a dying mother that gets every penny I make, they didn’t say that I could count the men I slept with the fingers on one hand I will be sparing 2, they don’t say he forced himself on me more times I can remember, or how he enjoys sleeping with every woman that works for him no matter the age just because he is The man”

“Go the police then, tell them that, why do you need me?” He said, but with less confidence than before and it was obvious his mental image of you was crumbling.

“The L.A. Police that gets donations from him every year? I’m a whore, to them, to Richard, to you and to everyone. I have no voice” Fortunately the waiter arrived with the food and you could stop to think, talking about this made you feel exposed, and you were questioning if it was worth the trouble at all.

“Why me? If you need him out of your life so bad I’m sure Fuches have someone right for the job” He said and started eating avoiding your gaze, you didn’t have an appetite anymore but force yourself to do the same.

“Have you seen the guys that work for Fuches? They look like hobos and meth heads, he is not some random dude, he is rich and powerful if he dies people would ask questions and eventually that would come back to me, also he would die loved and mourned, and he doesn’t deserve that.”

“And scared him off is better how? If someone goes to him and beat him it would come back at you faster and worse” He said taking a sip of his wine.

“Men always think physically right?” You said drinking as well and looking at him “I never said beat him, I told fuches I needed you specifically and he said he doesn’t work for me anymore, he is an actor now, and then I knew you were exactly what I needed. I don’t need some hitman to go beat the crap out of Richard even if he deserves it. I need someone to escort me from my apartment to work, and to public events and keep him away from me.”

“Those are called bodyguards and I’m pretty sure there are legal business that can provide their services to you” He said condescendingly.

“Like the one that is at my house right now and doesn’t even know I went out?” You said smiling “Or the one that give my alarm password to Richard so he could read his script? Legal people can be bought, and they have things to lose, that doesn’t work for me, he is a monster and a criminal, so I need someone outside the law to outsmart him” You said to him and the shadow of a smile formed in his lips before he spoke.

“So you think I’m a monster too? Look I’m sorry for you, your situation must be horrifying, but I leave that life behind, I’m no longer that guy and I don’t want to be, I’m sorry but I don’t want my past mistakes to keep haunting me, I’m tired of that. I’m sorry” He said, and you believed him but you couldn’t lost this chance.

“Mr Berkman, can I call you Barry?” You started and he nod affirmatively “Barry do you ever have nightmares about your mistakes?”

“Every night” He answered

“But when you wake up, when you go to work, when you talk to your significant other, when you are eating, those mistakes are dead, those people and those lifes you took they remained where you leave them. Your mistakes don’t call you at 3 am to remain you you are a slut, your mistakes don’t sell naked pictures of you to magazines to make you feel miserable because you are no longer sleeping with them. Your mistakes don’t force you to go down on them in order to don’t recast your part and then don’t threaten to ruin your career and leave your mother without her cancer treatment.” You said and a tear finally find it’s way down your cheek. “Fine I get it, you want to be a better person, well so am I, I need to run away from this and I’m so desperate that I called you, but it’s okay I have no way to force you into this, you don’t have to be sorry about me” you said hopeless, and he remained silent for a couple minutes looking at you occasionally and then his plate now almost empty.

“What exactly would I have to do?” He said finally “I’m not accepting, I just want to know” he add before you could react.

“Offering me your arm in social events, walked me to my apartment at nights, and take me to lovely lunches like this one every few days, basically being a human purse, just looking handsome and put together next to me, and let the magazines and the media make their assumptions”

“I’m not a prostitute” He said and you found the statement ridiculously funny.

“And I wouldn’t pay you to fuck me sunshine” you said with a grin “But I have learned that men respect other men’s "property” more than a women’s NO, and if I start seeing a handsome, blue eyed, literal war hero from the Midwest he would look like an asswhole if he keeps pushing how much he misses me in interviews"

“Fine” He said looking straight to your eyes “I’ll do it, when do you want to start?”

“Well if you consider the three girls with her phones out that just crossed behind you on the street, I would say I already owe you overtime, but tomorrow is fine, I would send you my address and other details with my publicist”

“Don’t you think is better if we have the least amount of people involved in this?” He said with an uncomfortable look on his face.

“Adrian is like a sister to me, I trust her my life.” You said and he seemed conformed with that answer “And Barry, thank you”.

[eleventhdoctorsangel]

And I will pick you up when your whole world shatters

Summary: The night of the particle accelerator exploding changed my life forever. I was one the lucky if you want to call it that people who got powers from that night. That was four years ago. Since then I joined team flash to help keep the city safe. But since Barry went into the speed force to save us all it has been more difficult to keep the city safe. The speed force had just released Barry and created new meta’s. Now we have to find them all.

When I woke up in the morning I got up from bed and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. I was in the shower for about forty five minutes. As I was stepping out of the shower wrapping a towel around my body when I heard my cell phone start to ring. I left my bathroom and headed back to my bed room to get my phone. I went to my bedside table picking up my phone. I saw that it was Iris  as I put my phone to my ear. “Hey Iris what is it?” I asked. “Tonight I’m having a bachelorette and I wanted to know if you wanted to come?” Iris asked. “Yeah I would love to come. I have nothing better to do tonight. If you don’t mind me asking who else is coming?” I said. “Just Caitlin, Cecil, and Felicity . The ones that I want to be a bridesmaid.” Iris said. “Well I’m honored that you want me to be a bridesmaid. I guess that mean I need to go out and get a dress now.” I said. “Well I don’t have anything to do this morning if you want to go today we can.” Iris said. “Yeah I just got out of the shower so just let me get dress. Do you want to meet at Jitters?” I said. “Sound great. Felicity should be at our apartment at minute. So we’ll meet you soon.” Iris said. “Alright just text me you’re guys coffee order and I’ll get them.” I said. “You don’t have to do that.” Iris said. “I know but I want to.” I said. “Well it looks like Felicity is here. I’ll ask her what she wants and let you know. See you soon Y/n.” Iris said. “See you.” I said as I hung up my phone. I sat my phone back on my bedside table and went to finish getting dress. After I got dress I went back to the bathroom to straighten my hair and brushed my teeth. I left to bathroom to go grab some sock and a pair of Vans. I sat at the end of my bed to put on my shoes and socks.. I got up and went to grab my phone and check to see if Iris texted my and she have. I looked at it as I went to grab my purse and keys. I left my apartment and locked my door then made my way to Jitters. Once I got there I went to go ahead to order our coffees. I sat at a table and waited on the coffees to be ready. As a waitress brought our coffees to me Iris and Felicity walked in. I smiled at the two. “Just in time girls our coffee is ready.” I said as I handed both Iris and Felicity their coffees. “Y/n has anyone told you that you are an angel.” Felicity said as she took a drink of her coffee. “Only everyday by Cisco.” I said laughing a little. “Well are you ready?” Iris asked. “As long as you two are ready.” I said. “We’re both ready so let’s get going.” Iris said. I nodded and got up from my seat and the three of us left Jitters. We made to a dress shop and walked in and started to look for my bridesmaid dress. “So what color dress are we looking for?” I asked. “Long and pink.” Iris said. “You’re lucky I love you.” I said. “Here go try this one on?” Felicity said handed me a dress. I went to a changing room to try on the dress. The dress was floor length dress and it was strapless. I walked out of the changing room to show the girls. “Well?” I asked I as I turned around. “Mmm. Maybe.” Iris said. “Yeah I agree.” Felicity said. “Try this one” Iris said. I nodded taking the dress to from Iris and headed back to the changing room. This one was also floor length and had sleeves that rested on my upper arms. I had to admit this one was actually kind of cute. I left the changing room to go show them. “Now this one I like.” I said.  “That one does look cute on you.” Felicity said. “Yeah I really like this one. I think that might be the perfect one.” Iris said. “Wow only trying on two dresses and we found the perfect dress.” I said laughing a little. “I know I thought this would take longer.” Iris said. “Well alright I’ll go take this off and go pay for it.” I said heading back to the changing room. I got out of the dress and put my clothes back on. I also grabbed the first dress I tried on as I left the changing room. I put the first dress up and went to go pay for the dress. They put the dress in a dress bag and handed it back to me. “Alright let’s take this back to my place then we can make our way to STAR labs and go get Caitlin.” I said. “Sounds good.” Iris said. The three of us made our way to my apartment so I can put my dress away. Once we got to my apartment I unlocked the door and we walked in. “This shouldn’t take long so just make yourself at home.” I said as I left walking to my room. I made my way over to my closet to I can put my dress away. I moved some of my clothes so I could have a little open room so the dress doesn’t get any wrinkles in the dress. After I got it done I made my way back to the girls. “Alright I’m all set. Are you guys ready to head out?” I asked. Both of the girls nodded and then we left my apartment making our way to STAR labs to get Caitlin. 

On our way to the lab we stopped to get balloons and a few other things. We made our way to main part of the lab and saw Caitlin at the computer. “Well there you are. Okay are you ready for the ladies night to end all ladies night” Felicity asked as she carried the balloons. “And by that she means a quiet low key dinner at a very classy restaurant.” Iris said. “Yeah. That’s exactly what I mean. Super low key, super quiet do you want a pink or a blue feather boa?” Felicity asked holding both boa up. “Actually Iris if it’s okay I don’t think I’m going to make it tonight. I’m just not feeling up to it.” Caitlin said. “What?” Iris said. “Aww.” Felicity said as she put the light pink boa around Iris next. “Come on caty.” I said as I grabbed the dark red boa I picked out putting it around my neck. “Are you feeling okay?” Iris asked. “No I’m fine I just sometimes life catches up with up you, you know.” Caitlin said. “It’s because you’re not wearing the tiara. Put on the tiara. Everything will change. ” Felicity said putting the tiara on Iris. “Wearing the tiara thank you.” Iris said as she fixed the tiara on her head. “You’re welcome.” Felicity said. “Caitlin please come on we work together every day and we never get to do a dinner just us girls. You have to come.” Iris said. “She’s right. Just one dinner please?” Felicity asked. “Wouldn’t miss it.” Caitlin said smiling. “See I knew that we would break you.” I said.  Felicity put the blue boa around Caitlin’s neck. “Well ladies I have to go find what to wear tonight since I don’t think what I’m currently wearing wouldn’t be allowed.” I said motioning to the jeans shorts and tank top I was wearing. “I’ll text the address of the restaurant.” Iris said. “Alright see you ladies later.” I said walking out.

As I was leaving I bumped into Ralph. “Oh hey Ralph.” I said. “Hey Y/n. Did I miss something?” Ralph said as he pointed to my boa. “Oh this. It’s for Iris bachelorette party tonight.” I said. “Feather boas are a little childish don’t you think?” Ralph asked. “Oh come on I look great in this and you know it.” I said as I grabbed one end of the boa and threw it over the opposite shoulder. Ralph laughed as I did. “I can’t argue on you with that one. You do look really cute in that.” Ralph said. “How have you been with everything?” I asked. “Well it’s been something to get use to.” Ralph said. “I’m guessing you trained some today.” I said. “Yeah Allen wanted me to. Which I’m glad he did I got to see you again.” Ralph said. “You’re going to make me blush.” I said. “Well I do have that effect on the ladies.” Ralph said. “Just like that I’m not blushing anymore.” I said laughing a little. “So if Iris having a bachelorette party than that means Allen is having a bachelor party.” Ralph said. “I mean I guess. Iris or Barry never said anything about.” I said. “If Allen were having one where would he have it?” Ralph asked me. “I don’t know maybe Joe’s house. It was the house he grew up in.” I said shrugging my shoulders. “What’s the address?” Ralph asked. “Why. What are you going to do?” I asked raising an eyebrow. “Uh I’m going to help give Allen the best bachelor party ever the Ralph Dibney style.” Ralph said. “If I give you Joe’s address you have to tell me how this end deal.” I said. “Deal.” Ralph said. I smiled as I wrote down Joe’s address for him. “Oh and don’t say how you got this okay.” I said as I handed Ralph the paper. “I’ll just tell them that I used my detective skills to find it.” Ralph said. “Well I have to get going to find something to wear for tonight. I’ll see you later.” I said and left STAR labs. 

I headed back to my apartment to find a dress to wear tonight. I pulled a black dress from my closet and sat on my bed to take a picture to send to Iris to see if was ok to wear. When she texted me back saying it was I went back to my closet and picked a pair of flats to wear. I went to go do my hair. I decided on putting them in milkmaid braids and do light makeup. Then it started to get closer to go meet the rest of the girls at the restaurant. I put back on my boa grabbed my things and made my way towards the restaurant. By the time I could there they were already there. “Well don’t you look sexy.” Felicity said. “Oh come on I don’t not.” I said. “Just too bad Ralph won’t see you in this dress.” Iris said. “Yeah I think he would agree with Felicity.” Caitlin said. “Who is this Ralph?” Felicity asked. “No one now can we please go inside.” I said. “Alright that’s enough teasing y/n.” Cecil said as she wrapped he arms around my shoulder as we made our way into the restaurant and were seated right when we walked in. I was in between Iris and Cecil as the waiter pours us each a glass of champagne. “So fancy.” Cecil said as we all picked up our glasses. “Yeah a toast to the future Mrs. Allen.” Felicity said. “West-Allen.” Iris said. “West-Allen. Although your life with Barry mat be fast pace I hope you guys take the time to enjoy the special moments. ” Felicity said. “Aww thank you guys for coming. It really means a lot.” Iris said. “Cheers.” We all said as we clicked our glasses together. Felicity, Caitlin, Iris and I all took a drink of our champagne. “Well all right who wants my champagne? Craziest thing I get to do tonight is order two desserts. ” Cecil asked. “I’ll take it.” Caitlin said as she reached over to grab Cecil’s glass quickly drinking it. “That’s right. Iris told me you were pregnant. How’s that going?” Felicity said. “Yeah it’s g-it’s good. I mean it wasn’t exactly part of my plan but I just could not be happier.” Cecil said. “I know exactly what you mean.” Felicity said. “Oh yeah how is everything with Oliver and William?” Iris asked. I happened to look up to see the guys walking towards our table. I looked over to Caitlin who looked slightly worried of the guy. “Do I hear wedding bells ringing in your future?” Cecil asked bringing me out of my thoughts. “Oh no the last time we did anything that resembled a wedding Oliver got shot with an arrow so..” Felicity said as the guy stopped in front our table. “Uh did you girls order a stripper?” Iris asked as she looked at the guy. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have brought all my singles.” Felicity said. “No I.” Cecil said. “Girl you into some freaky stuff.” Felicity said. I had my hands under the table getting a blast of energy ready in case this goes south. “Amunet wants you.” The guy said as he looked at Caitlin. “Uh Caitlin do you know him?” Iris asked as she looked over at Caitlin. “You need to come with me.” The guy said. “I’m not going anywhere with you.” Caitlin said. “Please tell me that this is just part of his act.” Cecil said. “If it is it’s taking too long. Take it off!” Felicity said snapping her fingers. He leaned forward as his eye popped out landing in Felicity’s glass. “Gross! I meant take off your pants not your eye!” Felicity said. Then  a snake like thing started to come out of his. Everyone shoot out of their seats. I used my powers to hold him back as everyone in the restaurant got out. As Felicity and Iris tried to help me out it was Caitlin who actually help me out the most when she transform into Killer Frost. As she help me shot him out of a window. 

Taglist: @thescarletknight2014​ @kurtbastianlover​ @cathym99​

Overall Taglist: @the-broken-halo-writer​

[fandomexplosion]

Dc comics high school Au

Younger characters are students and older ones are parents/Teachers

Okay so I don’t have it completely writing out yet, these are just points Part 1/? Don't know if I'm going write anymore or even write a story for this.

Teachers/Parents

Diana Prince- history Teacher (mostly Greek history) and girls track coach.

Bruce Wayne- Parent. Practically the head of the pta. I mean he has enough kids.

Clark kent- both, parent and the fucking principle (Reason #1 Why Conner wants to hang himself.)

Lex Luthor- vice principal-

Oliver Queen- both, business teacher and Roy’s foster father. Will either come in on Monday morning hungover or just not show up. Mostly plays movies.

Barry Allen- teacher- chemistry teacher and boys track coach. (He’s also Wally’s uncle)

Hal Jordan- gym teacher

Dinah Lance- choir teacher.

Ray Palmer- physics teacher-

Ted Kord- math teacher. Doesn’t really want to but someone has to.

Rita Farr- drama/theatre teacher

Cliff Steel- auto and mechanics teacher.

Joe Kerr (Joker)- the drama director

John Jones- English teacher

Kyle Rayner- Art teacher- has never taught before. (It’s his first year) makes friends with students

Selina Kyle- Gymnastics teacher/Coach

Arthur Curry- swim teacher and coach.

Alec Holland- biology teacher-

Pamela Isley- earth science teacher

Harleen Quinzel- ladies softball coach, school psychologist/Counselor

Lazlo Valentin (Professor Pyg)- school nurse/doctor

Teth-Adam (black Adam) - ap/world history.

Edward Nygma- English teacher.- “Now can someone who isn’t completely incompetent answer this.” “Bart Put your hand down, you’re an idiot”

Eobard Thawne- US history teacher

Vandal Savage- superintendent.-

Every once in a while a sub will come in (Mr. Shazam? Mr. Marvel?) oddly enough He’s never subed for Billy’s class or he’s absent in said class.

Music Meister- band

Vril Dox- algebra and geometry teacher

Students

Dick Grayson- on the gymnastics team. The most popular boy in a cheesy movie about high school romance

Roy Harper- looks like a drug addict, probably is a drug addict. Voted most likely to shoot up a school. Jason Todd is his partner in crime.

Jason Todd- voted most likely to blow up the school. Has the hot bad boy routine DOWN. Wake me up WAKE ME UP INSIDE I can’t wake up.

Tim Drake- is literally a walking mess. Always has coffee. Will probably find him hunched over computer watching buzzfeed unsolved.

Kara Danvers- is a cheerleader. Tries. She really tries but she’s a hot mess. (But to be honest most in this school are) in the journalist club. (Clark and Conner’s cousin)

Wally West- track star. Will take food from anyone. Is actually a nerd.

Conner Kent- it’s almost like these hot blue eyed black hair boys are being cloned. Will flirt with anyone and everyone. Has a great style. Will tell you if what you’re wearing is bad. Is dork though.

Bart Allen- is everyone’s little brother. The cute one. Also weird. And get this boy a haircut. (Not really it’s cute) like his cousin Wally he will eat everything however his is more absurd. Like fries off the ground or random sludge he was dared to drink. Somehow related to Barry (know one knows how though)

Kory Anders- head cheerleader. Is nice but intimidating. Looks like a Brazilian super model. Also plays volleyball.

Cassie Sandsmark- also cheerleader🤷‍♀️. Akward and weird.

Cassandra Cain- quiet, cute and can kick your ass. If you mess with her and she somehow doesn’t fuck you up, you bet her four brothers will. Is a dancer. Knows asl

Garfield Logan- basketball player. Funny dorky kid. In drama class/theatre.

Rachel Roth- goth girl. Meditates. Might be possessed but is easily calmed with tea.

Damian Wayne- isn’t actually in high school but has ap classes. Will get picked up by his older siblings and will end up hanging with who said sibling is hanging with. Will usually get picked up by Dick or Jason will force Tim to pick Damian up for him.

Barbara Gordon- computer wiz. *Hacker voice* I’m in. I’m a boss ass bitch plays in the background.

Billy Batson- is that one freshman that doesn’t annoy everyone. Is kinda an outsider. Makes friends with everyone though, even the teachers. Is actually really smart and somehow knows everything. Is the one who would find ‘Secret’ passages and sneaks around a lot.

Stephanie Brown- WAFFLES! Wears a lot of purple.

Donna Troy- yearbook photographer. Is mom friend to everyone. Tells you when you’re being stupid.

Duke Thomas- doesn’t want to be here. ”All those idiots over there? Yah I don't know them.” He says like a liar.

Jon Kent- not in high school but is Conner’s little brother and Damian’s best friend.

Querl Dox- Big nerd. Everyone goes to him when the Don’t get their Math homework. Resting judging you face.

Couples

Hal and Barry- the cute teacher couple

Dick and Kory- prom king and queen. Will probably get married once they graduate. On and off a lot though.

Conner and Bart- (Okay listen, they need more love)- somehow works. If you touch Conner’s baby you will probably get thrown through a wall.

Garfield and Rachel- That’s my wife! She’s a bitch and I love her. He may be an idiot but he’s my idiot.

Harleen and Pamela- the lesbian teachers who might adopt you.

Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown- is honestly perfect for each other.

Kara Danvers and Querl Dox- most don't realize they're dating.

if you want to give ideas for it you can.

[just-some-arrowverse-stuff]

SuperFlash

Kara´s POV

“Kara, are you ready?” I hear my boyfriend shouting from downstairs. “I´m almost done, Honey. Just give me a few more minutes.” I shout back. I take the lipstick and apply another layer on my lips. Perfect. I fix a few of my curls and put the feather head band on. Barry and I planned on going as 1920s Jazz dancer to the carnival today. I put on my shoes and make my way downstairs.

Barry´s POV

I am waiting for Kara for over 30 minutes now. I sit on the couch and try not to get too impatient. After a while I hear a sound upstairs. I stand up and see my beautiful girlfriend walking down the stairs in her gorgeous 1920s flapper dress. My jaw drops. I´m unable to say a single word. “Do you like it?” she asks softly. Still unable to say something, I nod. She takes the last few stairs. Now she stands right in front of me. I can smell her perfume: roses and a bit of vanilla and cinnamon. I inhale deeply. “Wow” I say softly. “I can´t believe how lucky I am.” Kara smiles and kisses me gently. “You look really good yourself” she says.

“Well now that you´re ready, we can finally leave” I say slightly annoyed. She nods and follows me to the wardrobe. I already have the keys in my hand when she says: “Barry, give me a few minutes. I want to drink something before we go.” I sigh, but nod. She disappears into the kitchen. I hear the freezer door open and close. Then I hear a shout and a crash. I rush into the kitchen and see Kara drenched in lemonade. I can´t but laugh a bit. When she sees my face, she gives me an offended look. I take a towel and help her clean her dress. “I can´t get the lemonade out. I can´t wear it like this. I have to get changed” she tells me and walks towards the stairs. “I have a 60s inspired outfit upstairs, it´ll match your suit too” and with these words, she runs up the stairs. I wait another 10 minutes, then she finally comes back. She´s wearing a white blouse and a red skirt. I sigh relived. “Finally. Let´s go. I crap the keys.” I say and walk towards the front door. Luckily, she follows me this time. We get in the car and start driving.

Kara takes her phone and puts one some music. Musical tunes. We´re driving down the road and sing from the top of our lungs. We are driving for about 20 minutes, when I hear a growl. I look out of the left window and see a bunch of dark clouds. Directly where we´re heading. I tap Kara´s shoulder and point towards the clouts. “Oh no” she says “But maybe it´s moving away. Let´s keep on driving.” I´m not completely sure, but I nod. After a few minutes it starts raining. I groan annoyed. Kara turns on the news. “the yearly carnival got canceled a few minutes ago by the authorities due to weather changes.” Kara looks really sad suddenly. “Hey. I know it´s sad, but we can´t change it. So why don´t we drive home and make us a nice afternoon on the couch.” I say and smile gently. She nods, but she still looks disappointed. So I take her hand and softly brush my thumb over it. I turn around at the next crossroad and we´re heading home.

When we finally arrive at home, Kara and I are going upstairs to get out of our costumes. I put on a pair of grey sweat pants and a black hoodie. I walk back to the kitchen to get some ice cream, popcorn and soft drinks. I put everything on the coffee table. I sit down on the couch and wait for my girlfriend. After a few minutes, Kara comes into the living room. She is also wearing sweat pants and a hoodie. Her hair is up in a messy bun and she removed her make up. In my opinion, she looks even better than in that fancy dress. Cause this is her true self. Not Kara Danvers, the journalist. Not Supergirl. Just Kara. She takes a place beside me on the couch. “So?” she asks “What are we gonna watch?”

“How bout a musical” I answer “I was thinking Singing in the rain?”

Kara frowns. “I would rather watch the wizard of oz”.

“We have all the time. Let´s watch both.” I say and smile. Kara nods, stands up and puts in the first DVD. She takes a blanket and covers us both. I put my arm around her and she snuggles closer to my chest. I plant a kiss on her head. She moves her hand over my stomach and gives me a gentle kiss. I return the kiss and brush her hair softly. We´re almost at the end of the movie, when I hear a faint snoring. I look down and see that Kara fell asleep. I laugh quietly. I reach for the TV remote and turn it off. I throw back the blanket. I take Kara´s arm and move it away from my upper body. I get up and pick her up. I carry her up stairs, bridal style.

I bring her to the bedroom and let her down on the bed. I put her head on the pillow and cover her with the blanket. I clear the living room and lie down with Kara. I put my arms around her and I think about how lucky I am to be with Kara. I listen to her breathing softly and soon I fall asleep too.  

[crimsondomingo]

Whumptober Day 24: Secret Injury

“It’s you.”

Barry looked up, startled that someone was talking to him. He came to this coffee shop because people tended to ignore him and all the baristas already… knew and would start his signature drink as soon as they saw him walk in.

He was also startled because this man was gorgeous.

“You don’t know me,” the man said, taking the empty seat across from Barry. He had the bluest eyes Barry had ever seen, close-cropped hair that looked prematurely silver, because this man was a fox, just so pretty and with incredibly expressive hands as he spoke. “I saw you perform once.”

Oh.

“It was at this club uptown. You said something about working on your first album, and then sang an incredible original song about running home to the one you love.”

Barry had always loved that one…

“I was transfixed. Truly. Your voice is amazing. I kept waiting to hear it on the radio. That was over a year ago now. Do you have any records out?”

Barry pursed his lips, brow drawing into a frown.

“I didn’t mean to touch a nerve if things stalled. With a voice like yours, I’m sure you’ll make it big someday. I’m Len, by the way. Len Snart.”

He held out his hand, and Barry politely shook it.

“I’m not ashamed to admit I was in a bad place when I saw you. The kind to drown your sorrows in. You made the world seem less bleak. I really needed you that night.” He cringed. “Wow, that sounded like a line.”

All Barry could do was smile, shifting his eyes nervously. A year ago, he would have sold his soul for a guy like this to use a line on him.

But Barry wasn’t talking and that tended to put people off.

“I’ve already worn out my welcome, haven’t I?” Len said with a self-deprecating smile. “Sorry, I just… wanted to thank you.” He started to get up, leaving Barry two choices.

Let the gorgeous man think he was snubbing him.

Or admit his secret.

Barry's hand flew out to grab Len’s wrist. He nodded for him to sit back down, and Len did, looking at him curiously. Retracting his hand to tug down the scarf around his throat, Barry revealed the ugly scar that had silenced him forever.

“You can’t talk?” Len said in realization, showing the usual shock and pity. “You can’t sing anymore…”

Barry shook his head with a miserable smile.

“I’m so sorry.”

Maybe his smile wasn’t too miserable with Len being so genuine.

Making up his mind, Barry dug into his messenger bag for his whiteboard. He usually kept it tucked away unless he needed it. He scrawled on it quickly and turned it toward Len.

I suck at sign language. It’s nice to meet you, Len. I’m Barry Allen.

“Nice to meet you too, Barry. May I ask… what happened?”

Barry always hesitated to explain. He’d been so terrified for so long afterward that he hadn't left his house—once he got out of the hospital—for almost three months. He was still terrified walking around the city sometimes, which was why he forced himself to go out as much as possible, or he’d never recover.

He kept his answer simple, erasing the previous answer and writing: Mugged.

“Do you know by who? Did they ever catch them?”

Barry shook his head.

“I am really sorry, Barry,” Len said again. “Can I buy you another coffee, and you can tell me what you've been up to? Or did you want me to scram?”

Barry felt his cheeks flush. Len still wanted to talk. Well, read. Most people got flustered, unable to handle how he was… broken.

He wrote his next message in a flash.

They know my usual.

“Then I'll make it two and be right back.”

The way Barry nodded after him probably made him look like an idiot. He didn't care. Len was sweet. And hot. Barry couldn't remember the last time he had coffee with someone who wasn't his friends or his parents.

While Len was in line at the counter, Barry had the chance to really look at him. He was tall, fit, poised, and had a really sleek style in dark grey and navy, with a long jacket and…

Barry's smile fell.

And the peek of an ankle monitor beneath his pants.

Len was a criminal.

[justanotherboyinblue]

Unusual Asks

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify!! 

is your room messy or clean? ...depends if i don’t have company, or i haven’t been made to clean it, it’s relatively messy. well. it’s not messy to me, because i know where everything is and why things are...not...put away, but messy to Literally Everyone Else

what color are your eyes? brown!

do you like your name? why? i Love my name mostly because i chose it and i like how it sounds I Just Think It’s Neat

what is your relationship status? taken! i have two beautiful partners that i love very very much

describe your personality in 3 words or less Chaotic Disaster Gay

what color hair do you have? also brown dkjbsgalk

what kind of car do you drive? color? i don’t drive! don’t have my license yet

where do you shop? anywhere and everywhere alksjdb meijer? ig?

how would you describe your style? Grunge

favorite social media account discord! ‘s how i talk to my babies :3

what size bed do you have? a twin! v comfy, v bouncy

any siblings? unfortunately two brothers both are Assholes

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? switzerland honestly first of all, lgbtq+ has been legal there since 1942 like look at them Go oh my gosh also! i love german, it’s such a fascinating language but the biggest reason? that’s where moje rojena wants to live

favorite snapchat filter? i don’t have snapchat, and don’t really plan to kjasbdl

favorite makeup brand(s) don’t wear it! the only thing i use is chapstick lmao a wonderful vanilla chapstick by Eos

how many times a week do you shower? sometimes every night, but mostly every other night! so three or four

favorite tv show? oh gosh there are so many she-ra is probably at the top i love supernatural, and elementary, bbc sherlock, person of interest, steven universe there are a bunch of amazing shows i love!

shoe size? i think i wear like a ten and a half quadruple e do with that as you will

how tall are you? 5′4 i think probably

sandals or sneakers? flip flops!! or barefoot kadjbsgl

do you go to the gym? i don’t think i’ve ever even seen the inside of a gym

describe your dream date cuddle pile some show or movie on tv So Many Blankets but the most important thing the Most Important thing is that my babies are with me and that’s all i really need

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? i don’t have any cash, but i have like a little over $50 on my card

what color socks are you wearing? white with gray designs

how many pillows do you sleep with? normally three, but i’ll bring in another three if i want to build a Nest:tm:

do you have a job? what do you do? no job! i think my first job will be working at my local library

how many friends do you have? uhhhhhhh no idea a dozen? idk maybe half a dozen i really have no idea, and i have a horrible memory

what's the worst thing you have ever done? I Will Not Divulge Such Information

what's your favorite candle scent? there’s this one candle we have that’s tide+kelp scented but it just smells like a speedstick it’s awesome

3 favorite boy names Leo (obviously) Tobias Axel

3 favorite girl names L(again, obviously) Celeste i’ve always loved the name Andromeda as well! 

favorite actor? Ezra Miller!! they’re a nonbinary icon, first of all, and they’re an amazing actor in my opinion! they’re Credence in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and Barry in Justice Leauge

favorite actress? hmmmmmmmmmm probably Margot Robbie tbh love her stuff also? have you seen the trailer for Birds of Prey? we Stan

who is your celebrity crush? don’t have one kjdsablg

favorite movie? oh gosh I Cannot Choose A Favorite Anything Okay i love Avatar(the one with the blue aliens not the Disgrace Of A Movie), and The Dark Knight, Captain Marvel, Abominable, and so many others

do you read a lot? what's your favorite book? i do! i used to read almost a full book every day Finding Me by Katheryn Cushman is really good, and so is Five Feet Apart, i love the Divergent series too!

money or brains? brains duh, if you’re smart you can make more money but if you’re an idiot with money what happens when you run out

do you have a nickname? what is it? not really kjabdsga my partners have their nicknames for me of course, but with my actual name you can’t have a lot of nicknames Leo calls me Q, i’ve been called Stefano and Viktor, one friend used Quimberly for a while akjfgbslkdfg

how many times have you been to the hospital? other than when i was born, i think only the once!

top 10 favorite songs Here We Go sweet tooth-Scott Helman adderall- Max Frost bambi- Hippo Campus roxxane- Arizona Zervas grixtronics- GRiZ iSpy- KYLE truth hurts- kidz bop (fuck off it slaps) walk man- TMG mr.clean- Yung Gravy peach scone- Hobo Johnson

do you take any medications daily? nope! 

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) definitely oily

what is your biggest fear? Ya Boi Out Here With Abandonment Issues

how many kids do you want? i’ll stick with my fur babies thank you very much

what's your go-to hairstyle? in my face covering my right eye so i can’t see with it because it annoys my mother and i think i look Hot

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) medium i would think? we don’t have a second floor or a finished basement, but i’ve never had to bunk with either of my brothers so

who is your role model? no one specific! just, kind people, yk? 

what was the last compliment you received? i think it was on...monday? when Leo kept telling me i was adorable XD

what was the last text you sent? to a gc with my partners saying i was going mia because I Have The Right To Not Interact With Anyone For Several Days And Watch Movies  no i will not be taking criticism

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? like somewhere from seven to nine i think i have no idea dude, i have the memory of a goldfish

what is your dream car? .... 1967 black chevy impala

opinion on smoking? bad for you, love the smell, not gonna tell you to stop, will just worry quietly in the corner because i won’t tell you what to do with your life

do you go to college? nope! still in high school, i probably won’t go to college tbh

what is your dream job? owning my own bookstore! with a cafe a cat cafe i have it planned out to a concerning degree

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? i’ve lived in one place my entire life and it’s on the side of the highway with no neighbors so Suburbs Be Like Scary

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? oh absolutely

do you have freckles? no and i’m salty about it

do you smile for pictures? of course! never with my teeth tho because my canines are halfway up my face :)

how many pictures do you have on your phone? don’t have a phone! i have a Whole Bunch on my computer though

have you ever peed in the woods? did not work out tried once Never Again

do you still watch cartoons? of course i do i’m gay it’s legally required

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonald's? i’ve never had McDonald's nuggets but Wendy’s has the best for sure

Favorite dipping sauce? ranch or campfire sauce

what do you wear to bed? pajamas???? in winter it’s long sleeve tees with fuzzy pants in summer it’s basketball shorts and whatever twenty-year-old shirt i can find in my closet

have you ever won a spelling bee? i’ve never entered one so no homeschool for the win

what are your hobbies? Anything On A Screen and books mostly books on a screen but i’ll occasionally pick up a paperback also food and swimming

can you draw? s o m e t i m e s

do you play an instrument? i played guitar for a while, but i broke one of the strings and don’t have the tools to replace it i really want a ukelele

what was the last concert you saw? i went to a college campus for four days with my youth group, and a band named Sing Love played every night

tea or coffee? Neither

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Also Neither i’ve been to starbucks one time and it was the most disappointing drink i’ve ever had i am a loyal biggby customer  even though i haven’t been there in over a year

do you want to get married? not in the traditional sense i couldn’t even if i wanted to because the us said No Polyam Rights

what is your crush’s first and last initial? L.R. + L.G.

are you going to change your last name when you get married? probably! or we’ll both take a new one together

what color looks best on you? warm colors!! i do look Fabulous in a nice cool forest green though

do you miss anyone right now? Of Course I Do I’m In A Long Distance Relationship With Two People

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed if it was open my asshole cat would eat all my hair ties and my fairy lights

do you believe in ghosts? nope! 

what is your biggest pet peeve? uh people who assume? ig?

last person you called? Leo XD

favorite ice cream flavor? mint chocolate chip!!

regular oreos or golden oreos? The Golden Ones  they taste like lemon even if they’re not the lemon ones i love it

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? i don’t like sprinkles because i’m a Monster

what shirt are you wearing? i’m Not It’s Hoodie Season

what is your phone background? my tablet backgrounds are Leo and L because i’m a Sap

are you outgoing or shy? Both i’m getting a lot better in the confidence department, but i still get nervous and overwhelmed sometimes!

do you like it when people play with your hair? I Cry Every Time and so does Leo it’s adorable

do you like your neighbors? if i did i would hate them because i Can

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? not outside of the shower

have you ever been high? nope

have you ever been drunk? nope

last thing you ate? leftover itallian mac n cheese

favorite lyrics right now ..... ................. raindrops on rose and whiskers on kittens~ sTICKING-

summer or winter? winter!!

day or night? night, of course

dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk! or dark with sea salt

favorite month? hm maybe august because it’s just starting to get cold, but you can also still swim on the warm days

what is your zodiac sign pisces! as i’m sure is obvious

who was the last person you cried in front of? my mother Because Leaving Me Alone For Five Minutes Is Impossible

thank you Luxet for the questions!

[sdohertys]

GENERAL:

NAME: Scarlett Marina Kaufman Doherty

NICKNAME: Some people call her Scar, much to her irritation. It’s not even a cute nickname.

BIRTHDAY: January 16

AGE: 34.

GENDER: Cis Female.

PLACE OF BIRTH: Petaluma, California.

PLACES LIVED SINCE: Oakland, CA; Walnut Creek, CA

CURRENT RESIDENCE: Walnut Creek, CA

NATIONALITY: American.

ETHNICITY: Ashkenazi Jewish.

PARENTS’ NAMES: Adina and Vadim Kaufman.

NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: None.

PERSONALITY TYPE: ESTP- A - THE ENTREPRENEUR

body image mention, abandonment, death (cancer)

RELATIONSHIP WITH FAMILY: Strained. One-sided. Basically non-existent. When Scarlett hit her teen years, she’d come to the conclusion that her mother wanted a child, but she didn’t want to be a mother to that child. Their conversations consisted mainly of Scarlett’s appearance and body image, pushing her to be the most prim and proper of ladies. Her mother never called her beautiful. Vadim, on the other hand, was never around to have a real conversation with his daughter, having gone out to meet with his mistress of the year. Might as well not even have a father. She’s cut herself off from her family to the point where she legally changed her last name so she could pretend she was not related to them. After getting many phone calls from her mom when she first moved away, Scarlett changed her phone number and blocked her mom from every social media platform.

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA: When Adina found out about her husband’s many affairs, she blamed Scarlett’s birth, having said that if she never gave birth to Scarlett perhaps her figure could still be desirable enough for her husband. She then proceeded to send ten year old Scarlett away to live with a Filipino couple in their mid-50s in Oakland, who raised her until she turned 17. Scarlett continued to feel unwanted by her own mother.

PHYSICAL:

HEIGHT: 5′4″

WEIGHT: 120 lbs.

BUILD: Slim and petite.

HAIR COLOR: Dark brown.

USUAL HAIR STYLE: She styles it differently every other day, but when she’s concentrating, she pulls it back in a high ponytail. When it’s down, the length is just two inches below her shoulder blades.

EYE COLOR: Her right eye is green-blue and her left eye is a hazel color.

GLASSES? CONTACTS?: Neither.

STYLE OF DRESS/TYPICAL OUTFIT(S): Scarlett dresses in very trendy, designer clothing. A casual coffee outfit would be a cream colored blouse with dark wash skinny jeans and a pair of brown booties, with her hair in a messy bun and gold hoop earrings.

TYPICAL STYLE OF SHOES: High heels.

JEWELRY? TATTOOS? PIERCINGS?: She got her belly button pierced in high school, and she also has her ears typically pierced.

SCARS: She has a scar toward the back of her neck, right below her ear from trying to cut her own hair when she was nine years old. Her mother was less than pleased, to say the least.

UNIQUE MANNERISMS/PHYSICAL HABITS: She’ll lick her lips almost every time she takes a sip of coffee. When she’s drinking wine, she likes to tap her index finger just below the rim.

ATHLETICISM: She’s not into fitness, like at all. She loves to eat and she loves to drink. Her main source of exercise is walking for miles in her heels and running around stores.

HEALTH PROBLEMS/ILLNESSES: None.

INTELLECT:

LEVEL OF EDUCATION: High school diploma.

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: Fluent in both English and Russian, but English is her first language. She also can have conversational French. Conversational Tagalog also.

LEVEL OF SELF-ESTEEM: It had taken a while for Scarlett to be comfortable in her own skin, just because her entire life she was told by her mother that she was never good enough, never pretty enough, or smart enough. As she continued to build her business, slept around with as many people as she desired, her confidence grew. People tell her she’s beautiful, and she never disagrees.

GIFTS/TALENTS: Public speaking, flattering, styling and outfitting someone. Pretending her parents don’t exist.

MATHEMATICAL?: NOPE. The only time she’s mathematical is when she’s figuring out how much she’ll save on a sale.

MAKES DECISIONS BASED MOSTLY ON EMOTIONS, OR ON LOGIC?: Both, I wanna say. Scarlett can be impulsive and controlling at times, but that’s driven by anger, irritation and lust. She usually cuts off most emotions when it comes to people.

LIFE PHILOSOPHY: When you don’t have your shit together, you have to dress like you do.

RELIGIOUS STANCE: She was raised Jewish but she’s not particularly religious.

CAUTIOUS OR DARING?: Daring.

MOST SENSITIVE ABOUT/VULNERABLE TO: Her childhood. Having moved across the country where hardly anyone knew her at the age of eighteen, it was a chance to have a fresh start.

OPTIMIST OR PESSIMIST?: Pessimist.

EXTROVERT OR INTROVERT?: Extrovert.

RELATIONSHIPS:

CURRENT RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual.

PAST RELATIONSHIPS: ( cancer tw, death tw)Scarlett has only ever had one serious relationship when she was 25. He was the definition of the perfect boyfriend, everything she thought she should want but nothing seemed right. Two years into their relationship, he proposed and impulsively she accepted believing she was in love with him. Just days later she regretted her decision. Thinking she would catch wedding fever, she stuck to the engagement and continued to plan out the wedding but emotionally became distant from her fiance. A year into their engagement they were married, and just six months after they finally wed, she decided she was going to divorce him. She met with an attorney and was near ready to serve the papers when he told her he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. He fought for 7 months. She’s harbored a substantial amount of guilt knowing that as he was dying, she wanted to leave him.

Nothing else is worth mentioning. She usually keeps her relationships casual, hardly sleeps with anyone more than twice, and even that’s pushing it.

PRIMARY REASON FOR BEING BROKEN UP WITH: Emotionally distant, doesn’t want another serious relationship.

PRIMARY REASONS FOR BREAKING UP WITH PEOPLE: Doesn’t want a serious relationship.

EVER CHEATED?: No, not at all. She would never do that to someone because she saw the damage her father did from his multiple affairs.

BEEN CHEATED ON: No. Other than her three year relationship, she hasn’t been in a relationship serious enough for it to get to that point.

LEVEL OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE: She doesn’t date, but she frequently has one night stands.

STORY OF FIRST KISS: Her first kiss was with her best friend in 8th grade during a sleepover when she suggested that they should kiss since Scarlett said she was bored.

STORY OF LOSS OF VIRGINITY: It’s nothing exciting. In fact, it’s quite cliche which she hates. She lost her virginity the night of Junior Prom with a guy she had AP Bio with.

A SOCIAL PERSON?: Superficially, yes, but he’s very particular with who he deems as a close friend.

MOST COMFORTABLE AROUND: A bottle of red wine.

OLDEST FRIEND: CONNECTION OPEN.

HOW DOES HE THINK OTHERS PERCEIVE HER?: Charismatic, witty, beautiful.

HOW DO OTHERS ACTUALLY PERCEIVE HER?: Brutal, pretentious, beautiful

SECRETS:

LIFE GOALS: Still up in the air.

DREAMS: To be a stylist on a Hollywood-type of level.

GREATEST FEARS: Not living an exciting life/growing complacent.

MOST ASHAMED OF: Her parents.

CRIMES COMMITTED (WAS HE CAUGHT? CHARGED?): Underage drinking, but I mean, lmao. She also stole a pair of shoes from a department store when she was 14, but was never caught.

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

NIGHT OWL OR EARLY BIRD?: Night Owl.

LIGHT OR HEAVY SLEEPER?: Heavy sleeper.

FAVORITE ANIMAL: Eh.

FAVORITE FOOD: Sinigang and rice. Half of her childhood consisted of her learning how to make Filipino dishes because of who she lived with.

LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Highkey salad. Highkey, anything vegan.

FAVORITE BOOK: Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

LEAST FAVORITE BOOK: Doesn’t care enough to have a least favorite book.

FAVORITE MOVIE: She’ll say Roman Holiday but it’s really Terms of Endearment.

LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE: The Notebook.

FAVORITE SONG: Linger by The Cranberries but anything by Barry White. She loves Motown.

FAVORITE SPORT: She loves basketball and is biased toward the Golden State Warriors.

COFFEE OR TEA?: Wine. But coffee, yeah.

CRUNCHY OR SMOOTH PEANUT BUTTER?: Crunchy.

TYPE OF CAR HE DRIVES: Silver Rolls Royce.

LEFTY OR RIGHTY?: Right-handed.

FAVORITE COLOR: Burgundy.

CUSSER?: All the time.

SMOKER? DRINKER? DRUG USER?: She used to smoke, but quit after she ended her engagement. But yes, drinker. Loves to drink. It’s her favorite hobby.

BIGGEST REGRET: Letting her marriage go on for too long.

PETS: None.

[dukeofriven]

[Note: this post originally appeared in this thread. Owning to Tumblr’s inability to update reblogs with edits because it is a hellsite programmed by a secretive cell of former Stasi operatives to avenge the fall of East Germany, it has thus been re-edited and reformatted here for your reading pleasure.] JK Rowling’s wizards are the most useless, lazy, incapable dumbfucks in the history of fiction. The average Muggle? You take away their technology and they would be able to complete the basic tasks of feeding and clothing themselves without shitting on the floor. If a wizard ever lost their magic in Harry Potter, though, they would die. They’d be dead in three days. They’re garbage and I hate that I’ve come to hate Harry Potter - a series I once loved - because an author inexplicably hailed for her world-building is daily revealed to be appallingly bad at it. I realize this is a really dumb thing to be this angry about but I’ve been told for years what a great world-builder J.K. Rowling is, and that was not even true when the books were coming out. The Time Turner ruined all of Harry Potter forever, not because it offers easy time travel you can hold in your hand (although it does), not because you ask ‘why don’t they just use the time turner’ with every subsequent scenario forever (although you do), but because it was an enormous, flashing red light warning everyone that the series was going to attempt to make the transition from Fairy Tale Logic to Serious Fiction logic and fail. Badly. Really, really badly. I still think Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone is an almost perfect book: a distillation of decades of boarding school genre fiction combined with magic, friendship, and wonder. It is a book that owes as much to Enid Blyton and L.M. Boston as it does to C.S. Lewis or T.H. White and other authors with two first initials. Its sense of place is magisterial, from the frumpy, soul-crushing suburban sadness of Privet Drive to the ephemeral curio-shop wonderland of Diagon Alley to Hogwarts itself, a bastion of astonishment, homeliness, and delight. What it isn’t is the sort of framework on which you can support the horror that is the torture and murder of Charity Burbage in front of her colleague Severus Snape, who could not rescue her because he could not break his deep cover as a spy against Wizard Hitler 2. Long-running series can experience changes of tone and complexity. This is neither something laudable nor worth reviling; it’s a neutral phenomenon. Sometimes series do it well: Susan Cooper’s The Dark Is Rising and Terry Pratchett’s Discworld are both series that by-and-large end with books focused on far more complex issues than their earlier entries. TV series do this too: contrast the early episodes of Steven Universe or Adventure Time with episodes from later seasons. With Adventure Time, for example, trying jumping from the pilot to Remember You and see how hard you get tonal whiplash) Lois McMaster Bujold sublime space opera The Vorkosigan Saga doesn’t just change tones but also genre: space adventure, murder mystery, political thriller, goofy regency romance, comedy of errors, heist movie, schizoid identity crisis - on and on. The latest entry in the series has almost no plot to speak of, but is instead a musing on age, gender roles, grieving the loss of a lover, and the hope of new life. Some series, however, manage the transition poorly, largely because the initial tone cannot be harmonized with the later tone (Mass Effect jumps immediately to mind). But Harry Potter has more than just a problem of its tone getting darker: its trying to have darker events fit in the same world in which people can walk around with names like ‘Mundungus,’ the Hogwarts school song can be a nonsense poem, and the Philosopher’s Stone was defended with a series of video game puzzles. In a world in which the villain openly tortures somebody to death, the Philosopher’s Stone shouldn’t have any whimisical bullshit about its magical defences: it should have trip mines in the floor and an enchanted statue with a gun, because Voldermort isn’t a guy you confound with drinking potions and flying keys. You should just kill him. The charming fairy world of wonder of HP & The Philosopher’s Stone has room for a love potion. The later books, in which it is revealed that Voldemort was essentially born from rape, is not place where Ron Weasley can hand-out a book to Harry called Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches without seeming like a predator in the making. The cradle that is The Philosopher’s Stone cannot hold a beastly baby like Deathly Hallows any more than Grindlewald pontificating about the superiority of wizards can sit comfortably in a universe in which wizards took until the 18th century to accept the outhouse! Not that fascist ravings are inherently logical; but even non-fascists in Harry Potter never act like wizards are anything other than 100% better than muggles at all times. They can’t, because if the series were ever to do that it would have to acknowledge that the two worlds are different: neither better, just different. Instead - well, as Ron once bitched, magic makes coffee perfect every time, so it’s not clear how muggles stand being alive and don’t just roll-over and die from the hellacious half-life that is living with imperfect coffee. This has nothing to do with irony, a suggestion that ‘oh Grindewald talks a big game about wizardly superiority but wizards didn’t use toilets and cal themselves goofy names like Flumpus MacFludgeon: Rowling is using dramatic ironic to lampshade how wizard supremacy lacks self-awareness. No: this is about a world that is silly being asked to host a genocidal dictator and his crimes. It’s like those tedious ‘grimdark’ AUs that always show up in bad fanfiction by authors attempting to be serious: what if the Sesame Street gang had to deal with ICE, what if Po started haemoraging while hanging-out with Laa-Laa, what if Peppa Pig learned that she was adopted and her real parents were brutally murdered as part of gang war because they were heroin dealers and so on. (The best skewering of this edgelord comedy is still probably either Andrew Hussie’s Muppet Babies/Saw comic or any encounters the Shortpacked staff ever had with the Transformers: Buckets of Blood guy.) In Harry Potter, Rowling built a wonderful little fantasy world that ran happily on the logic of fairy tales and fairy stories, and then decided she was never going to be taken seriously as an author unless she introduced Hitler to the equation. And it never works for her. It’s not like it couldn’t have worked. The Lord of the Rings is famously a very different book from The Hobbit. It did, in fact, introduce Hitler into a little fantasy world but Tolkien made it work by abandoning huge portions of the Hobbit’s tone, style, and structure: he wrote a completely different book.  Frodo isn’t scarfing-down Bertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans on the slopes of  Mount Doom. The moment, say, Cedric Diggory lay dead in Harry’s arms, we needed to never meet Mundungus Fletcher ever again, or Weasley’s Gooftacular Prank Nonsense, or Ron getting Harry a book about love spells. All the very least that needed to go away, at least until the very end, because Rowling is not an author with the skill to keep the silly and the sublime on the same page. That’s fine in and of itself: all artistic people have strengths and weakness, nobody is skilled at every element of creation. J.M. Barrie was very good at writing a book about an eternal child, but a bit crap at writing a biography about his mother. Arthur Sullivan spent his life quietly seething no one wanted to listen to Ivanhoe instead of The Mikado. There’s a reason Jerry Lewis never released The Day the Clown Cried.  Virginia Wolfe is a great writer, but that doesn’t mean she would have written a great run on She-Hulk. [Although now that I’ve said it I can’t think of anything I want to read more.] There’s a great bit in the Lord of Rings after the Shire has been scoured of Saruman where the Hobbits essentially open-up their larders and allow people to have fun again; there’s also a nice bit slightly earlier where Great King Aragorn puts on his old Strider clothes just so he can be his D&D character again: when series change tone, unless you’re really good at walking on a knife’s edge, the quieter, gentler, lighter world isn’t gone forever, but it does have to go away for a while: which means its time to tamp-down on the people with silly names and personalities - like Slughorn, who slips into book six like the second-coming of the vain and silly Lockhart, even though that’s the book where Dumbledore dies.

Rowling keeps trying to makes her old tone fit with her new world without having to pull a Tolkien and actually write differently, which produces moment after moment of tonal whiplash in which the latest Potter-related movie literally involves referencing the holocaust but she also drops some fun trivia about wizards shitting on the floor like animals. (You could describe the entirety of the first Fantastic Beasts film as Tonal Whiplash: The Motion Picture. I’d say that’s an essay for another day but I do not want to have to watch that movie again.)

It needs to be said that a primary reason these tone shifts ‘don’t work’ for Harry Potter is that the logic of a fairy tale is different than the logic of a mundane story. The logic of a fairy tale tends to be self contained: it doesn’t have a smart ass running around asking questions like ‘why’ because there is no why; a thing is the way it is because it is the way it is. Fairies steal babies on the third Sunday of every month, and nobody in the story asks ‘well what about in countries that use different calendars, and what about the shift from Julian to the Gregorian calendar that skipped eleven days?’ because such a pedantic question has no substance in a fairy-tale world. The Clever Child might question what the fairies need with babies, but she’s not about to break-down the week-to-week investment metrics on the Fairyland Infant Exchange. It’s not that one cannot critique or bring critical thinking to fairy stories; it’s that in a fairy story you don’t ask how the sewer system works because it’s not pertinent to what the story is trying to convey. It’s being the guy at the book club who is mad nobody wants to discuss his theories on the music of Rush: its not that the theories are bad, it’s that in this time and place they are of limited relevance. Harry Potter, however, does not belong to to the world of fairy stories, but to the legacy of Tolkienesque fantasy - the world of

  In The Hobbit nobody would ever ask if Hobbiton had sewers - it’s not important, and if you ask those kind of questions expecting there to be a serious answer of grave import you’re being a twit. Lord of the Rings, though? Not only is it a valid question, but Tolkien probably wrote a paper explaining the etymology of the Westron word for ‘sewer’ and how sewers were first invented by Shítlívær the Noldor as a way of helping the Blessed Isles cope with all the crap that tumbled out of Fëanor’s mouth.

The world of The Hobbit is one you could enter and expect to quickly find yourself on an adventure. The world of The Lord of The Rings is one you could enter, walk-about, and study without anyone ever exepecting you to solve some sort of regionally-disturbing social problem: in short, it wants you to be invested in the existence of its world in a different way than The Hobbit. Even then, although The Lord of the Rings is more grounded than The Hobbit, it is not so grounded that it doesn’t leave room for mystery, and questions that refute Wittgenstein’s assertion that all questions must be answerable. Tolkien loved to create complex worlds, but there was stuff he knew wasn’t worth elaborating on. It’s really his fans and authorial heirs who developed the somewhat worrying belief that a good worldbuilder has to have an answer to literally every question or else didn’t think their world through. (This has killed more potentially good books than bad cover art ever has.)

The Lord of the Rings leaves room for The Undiscovered Country. Harry Potter wants too… but can’t. Firstly, Rowling obviously understands the need for what we might call poetic mystery - like the gateway in the somewhat unsubtly name Department of Mysteries - but she also wants you to know how wizards pooped three hundred years ago. You get the feeling she knows exactly how and why that gate works, and what it is, but she withheld the knowledge because she likes mystery’s aesthetic more than she ascribes to any idea that an author might have lacun�� in the knowledge of their own work. That is, she would never put something into her work that she didn’t have an answer for - for her there is no undiscovered country that exists beyond the knowledge of even the author; she is an omniscient deity. Not for her is C.S. Lewis’ insistence that for her characters: All their life in this world and all their adventures had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before. Rowling knows exactly what happens to every one of them from the moment they were born to the moment the rot in the ground and the day-to-day schedules of their lives in heaven. Secondly - and far more of an issue - is that Harry Potter becomes a world that invites you to pick up each part of its structure and think about it, because the author has - with loving care - built that entire world for you to interact with. A place for everything, and everything its place. Except JK Rowling is a lazy thinker who never, ever considers the consequences of anything she says. Nagini is actually an Asian woman cursed to live as a snake, wizards used to magically disappear their shit from wherever they just stood and shat it out, Hermione Granger can have a time travel device to attended a bunch of classes but Harry can’t grab one off a nearby shelf and go back fifteen minutes and save his godfather, and nor a few years later can the Minister for Magic’s protection detail keep them on hand to go back half an hour and tell their past selves ‘Hey Voldemort is about to walk in here and kill y’all thought you ought to know.’ No author can work-out every aspect of every element in their works - that’s impossible, and why ARGs are solved by the internet hivemind in half a day even though they took a far smaller group of minds months to devise. But Rowling is intellectually lazy - she adds the holocaust to her Magic Fun Land without sparing a single moment to think that idea through. She then gets defensive when confronted by the suggestion that her worldbuilding might have been shallow. Hey your American wizard houses seem a bit racist also America doesn’t really use the house system in its schools - and her response was to lash out and not listen.  Rowling tried to move Potter from a fairy logic world with its own rules into our world with our rules and our history but she doesn’t know our history very well, or even our rules, so she tells us wizards shat on the floor until the 18th century while the rest of us sit around going ‘but humans have never done that as social groups - even in horrible slums and facility-free prison cells humans create a designated place for taking a shit even if it’s just ‘that corner over there.’ We don’t just drop pants and go whenever!” This is because, as a worldbuilder, J.K. Rowling is actually kind of rubbish.

[fyeahdpanabaker]

The Flash is heading straight to the future for star Danielle Panabaker’s directorial debut.

Picking up in the wake of Team Flash discovering Nora’s secret,  Tuesday’s episode, “Godspeed,” dives into Nora’s (Jessica Parker  Kennedy) origin story and reveals how she ended up working with Eobard   Thawne/Reverse Flash (Tom Cavanagh) and what a post-Crisis Central City actually looks like. Meanwhile in the present, Barry (Grant Gustin) and  Iris (Candice Patton) are still reeling from their shocking discovery,  which creates some tension between the two parents. Ahead of the episode,  EW hopped on the phone with Panabaker to discuss the challenges of  directing “Godspeed,” the introduction of the titular evil speedster,  and more.

ENTERTAINMENT  WEEKLY: This is the first new episode after Team Flash found out Nora’s  been working with Reverse Flash. What was it like directing such an  important episode?

DANIELLE PANABAKER: It was an  honor. I feel so grateful. It was an incredible script. I was very  lucky just to get an important storyline for Team Flash, for Barry and  Iris, to Nora. So I really wanted to do it justice, and I’m excited. I  feel like it was a big episode as well. You know, to go back and tell  Nora’s origin story is important, and I’m excited for fans to get to see  it.

How did you approach directing the flashbacks/flash-forwards to Nora’s origin story?

For me, the challenge was taking the one week  of prep that we had and doing everything we can to create this 2049  world and make it look as modern and futuristic as possible within the  budget that we were given. I have to say, our production designer and  locations department did an incredible job at finding places we can film  that hopefully feel a little otherworldy. There’s these tiny cars that  we got that I’m obsessed with. In terms of working with Jess, that was a  gift because she’s so incredibly talented. That part was easy.

Arrow’s depiction of the year 2040  was pretty dark, and so far we’ve only seen the inside of Iron Heights  whenever Nora speeds to the future. What does Central City look like in  2049?

2049 is a post-Crisis world. It actually looks really modern and sleek. One of the writers suggested that it looks very KonMari;  everyone went through and got rid of everything that didn’t spark joy.  So, a little bit minimalist, but clean and white and bright.

How are Barry and Iris handling this huge surprise?

It’s a struggle, for sure. For Barry to find  out that his daughter has been working with the man who killed his  mother in front of him when he was a child, it’s an incredible betrayal.  I’m not sure that’s something that Iris completely comprehends, and  they’re going to struggle a little bit as a couple and as a parents with  how to cope and how to get through this.                                                                                                                       Barry comes face to face with Thawne in this episode too. What was it like directing that moment?

I felt incredibly lucky. I was dreaming about  that scene from the first time I read that script. Because Eobard Thawne  is such a strong villain, he really gives Barry a run for his money. Eobard in particular is very smart and manipulative, and he is Barry’s archnemisis. To get to do that scene with those two unbelievable actors  was such a gift.

Did you read any comics to prepare and inspire the episode?

Absolutely! The episode is called “Godpseed,”  so I reached out to DC and got as many comic books on Godspeed as I  could. I wanted to learn about him and try to pay homage to the comic  book style of having a villainous speedster on the show.

What can we expect from Godspeed in this episode?

I think it’s pretty cool. It’s the first time  we’ve seen a speedster villain in a while, and I think he’s the perfect  enemy for Nora as her first villain. How did you handle having to direct yourself in the episode? That actually was a challenge, for sure. I  only really had one day’s worth of work as an actor in the episode,  [but] it was a challenge for a couple of different reasons. The first  being that was actually my first day directing. One piece of advice a  lot of directors gave me was “Make your first day easy.” Unfortunately,  due to scheduling conflicts, that wasn’t a possibility, so my first day was a challenge because I had to act and direct. The writer Kelly Wheeler was up with me in Vancouver, and I entrusted her to keep  watching playback. It’s also a big cortex scene, so we’re operating  three cameras on every take, so there was no way for me to sit and watch  the monitors. I didn’t want to waste time watching playback, so I had  to trust what I was seeing while in the scene and also trust those behind the monitors that we were getting what we needed.

Whenever actors  direct an episode of their show, they usually prepare by shadowing  other directors. Which directors did you observe?

I shadowed a lot. I think I made our line  producer a little crazy because I just kept showing up in production meetings. I just wanted to listen and observe as much as I could. In  season 4, I formally shadowed Tom Cavanagh, which is a really unique  experience, as well as David McWhirther when he directed our finale. As you know, the finale is one of the biggest episodes that we do in a Flash  season, so I learned a lot from both of them. I also took the  opportunity to grab drinks, grab coffee, or reach out to anyone who had  directed on the show and ask for advice.

What was the most useful piece of advice you received?

Wear comfortable shoes. [Laughs]  Actually, everyone gave me different advice. Tom gave me great advice on  so many different things, but in particular on being an actor on the  show, because the reality is, as soon as the episode is over, you go  right back to standing next to everyone the way you were before you were  a director. So you can’t burn any bridges. It was really, really useful  advice. David McWhirther has unbelievable enthusiasm and energy.

Everyone had different advice from their perspective. When I spoke  Danielle Nicolet last year, she said that Tom yells, “Lights! Camera!  Action!” before every take like an old-timey director. Did you find  yourself developing any directorial tics in the 10 days of production?

I’m sure I did, but I’m not necessarily sure I  know what they are. It’s funny, Grant made a comment that there’s only a  handful of directors who actually understood how to say “action!”  before a scene, because it can really affect the energy and momentum of a  scene. Whether he knew it or not, it was a compliment, but he did say I  was among the ones who knew how to say “action!” well.

Have you caught the directing bug? Do you want to do more of it now?

As soon as everyone had seen my cut and I got  some positive feedback, my next question was, “What can I direct next?”

Is there another Arrowverse show you’d like to direct? If so, which one?

Absolutely! I would love to go over to Supergirl.  They’re a very positive and enthusiastic set. I feel like the tone is a  little bit similar. One of the hard things that you have to balance on  Flash is this classic concept of “heart, humor, and spectacle,” and I  think Supergirl has a lot of that in a different way than Legends, which is a little wackier and leans into the humor of it more, or Arrow, which can be a little darker and a little more action-heavy.

The Flash airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on the CW.

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Dancing lessons

Barry Berkman x reader

Summary: Barry is finally cast in a feature, the problem? He said he could dance and now he can either disappoint Sally or found a way to learn some steps.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, violence, guns, cheating maybe.

Part 1 ● Part 2 ● Part 3 ● Part 4 ● Part 5 ● Part 6 ● Part 7 ● Part 8 ● Epilogue

Part 2

One week after the first time Barry meet Y/N he was nowhere near learning tango, let alone dancing on the level his stupid resume said he could, he only have ended with horrible pain on his knees, thighs and back. And he hasn't even practice dancing with music yet, apparently his instructor thought he first had to learn one basic step and repeat it a million times before he could start doing the "flashy and presumptuous" step, as she called them, that the director may want.

"You really don't have to worry" Sally said during breakfast, they have an agreement to spend the night at least twice a week in each other apartment but he could tell she rather if he stayed at hers since Jermaine and Nick didn't get along with her. "That girl you say is dancing with you, I just heard from Lindsay that she is totally sleeping with the director so probably the scene is an excuse to show her dancing talent and they will be focusing on her instead of you" She drank the rest of her orange juice and stood up quickly "God is so late" she checked her phone and gave him a kiss on the cheek before taking her purse and keys and rush to the door "I'll see you tonight ok? Good luck!"

"Bye, I love..." And then she was gone. "You" He finished his breakfast and took his own car to the studio where he had to finish filming his scenes.

"Barry you're here, excellent!" Andre said when he arrived, thankfully he was not the star of the film and he didn't have to listen the hundred of notes he had for the leads nor taking all the shit the PAs get from him. "Look" He said pointing at his tablet "Janice is on New York for three more weeks for a Ballet presentation, but she sent this to me, is the perfect choreography for the scene. What do you think?" He showed her a clip of Janice and some professional dancer with a song he didn't knew, probably in Spanish or Italian, dancing incredibly close, with several lifts and spins.

"Great" He said feeling dizzy "Flashy and presumptuous" He add really low.

"What was that?"

"Classy and marvelous, is a modern take on the Argentine style isn't?" He said repeating what Y/N had said to him the day before.

"I have no idea, but hey you are the expert" He gave him a pat on the back. "You can start rehearsing with Janice when she gets back" He didn't like that kind of touching, it reminded him of Fuches and make him feel uneasy.

"Sure, great, hey could you send me that video, you know to study her movements" he tried to sound casual and not frightened as he was.

"Yeah sure" he said and with a hand gesture urged him to move to the set where he got to start shooting.

The minute he was over he drove back to Y/N's studio and saw her giving her class to young girls all dressed as ballerinas, she was wearing a black seetrough dancing skirt over a leotard, and his eyes lingered on her legs a few seconds more than he should mesmerized as he was by the elegance she used to dance.

"Barry you are early" She saluted him with a smile, "Girls say hi to Mr. Block" she said at the mass of pink and white.

"Hi Mr. Block" They cheered.

"I'll be done in a few minutes but this really is a private rehearsal" She pat her lips with one finger thinking "Would you mind waiting upstairs? I mean I would hate for you to drive back home to come back in less than an hour, and the coffee place on this block sucks" She said and the girls start laughing "Don't tell your mothers" She quickly add.

"I don't want to be a burden"

"Oh nonsense, you are not, go upstairs, I have food on the fridge but I wouldn't recommend it since you are dancing later and the WiFi password is written next to the phone" She insisted and he finally accept.

The apartment was just a little bigger than the one he rented with Jermaine and had a nice walls on a blue shade that reminded him of the ocean. And a big window facing directly to the door, so the first thing you see when you entered were the rooftop of other buildings and the hills in the back.

He entered feeling himself as an intruder, but being honest that was a common feeling for him, even if he haven't break in any place in over a year, a very long year, and again the pain of thinking of Fuches maybe lurking around strike him in the chest.

He found a place to sit and after being 5 minutes in complete silence trying to not be alone with his thoughts he took out his laptop to watch the dance again. Next to the landline was a nice picture of Y/N on his wedding dress next to a man that must be her husband with golden letters and numbers written over: JPTLV150813.

Once he was connected he allow himself to look around, the living room was tastefully decorated and there were some framed paintings of wild flowers on the wall in purples and pinks. He glance at their dinner table in the other room next to her kitchen, and while he was still holding he picture his mind start wandering, maybe Sally would like to live with him in a place like that. Full of light and peaceful.

He picture himself waking every morning and walking towards the kitchen to make her breakfast, she getting out of the set exhausted, to get a glass of wine in the living room. Reading lines together in the couch, and falling asleep there watching a movie.

And then since he hadn't sleep wery well and Y/N couch was madly comfortable he fall asleep still holding the picture and suddenly Sally's face start fading away, and Y/N replaced her, in a blue version of the clothes she was wearing earlier, he saw himself dancing with her on the living room, a slow and romantic rhythm, and instead of her husband it was him smiling on the picture next to the phone. She would come upstairs tired from work and he would stop her at the door to give her a passionate kiss... then the sound of a gun going off came from the window and a blood stain start forming in her chest running and she collapsing on his arms, and then it was Sally lifeless body again who he was holding and she whispered before losing her breath You did this and fearful he looked at his own hand holding the gun...

"Barry?" Y/N's voice came from the door, and immediately woke up and shake those horrifying ideas from his mind.

"Here" He call from the couch and was careful enough to not look back and don't picture her covered in blood

"I'm so done, boy I'm glad you came upstairs, Amanda's mother is a pain in the ass, if she have seen you she would have called the cops or something" She said and sit in next of him, she was already wearing the heels she used to practice with him. "What you got there?" She said looking at the screen where the video of Janice was still on.

"Is the dance I'm supposed to do for the movie" He said glad to have something to said and he showed her the clip.

"Well... you are screwed" She said after it was finish and he gave her an imploring look. "I'm kidding, I mean is a monstrosity of showing off, and her technique is not perfect, but I'm pretty sure you can put together something, like Ed Sheeran on Thinking out loud". She said confidently.

"Who?" He asked with no idea of what she meant.

"He is a British singer, we are probably too old to know him, but couples come all the time trying to learn his routine for their wedding" She said, but his face was still puzzled "You are not very familiar with pop culture, for an actor living in L.A. I mean" She stood up and walked towards her kitchen "Do you want anything? I have wine, beer, orange juice?" She called from the other room.

"Beer is fine, and is because I only became an actor recently" He said with some embarrassment in his voice taking the bottleshe offered him "I used to amm... sell auto parts in Cleveland"

"Ohio, that's ... far" she said taking a sip of her drink.

"And before that I was a Marine" He add and she almost spit her beer but did her best to pass it down.

"Oh wow, that's unusual. I would definitely say thank you for your service, but I'm antiwar so what if I gave you a 10 percent off on the lessons and we call it even?" She grin at him

"Don't worry about that, I don't like to make a big deal about it anyway" He said sincerely "Also I'm pretty sure you are wasting your time with me"

"Don't be so harsh on yourself, here look" She took the laptop off his hands and found a video of a ginger man singing a cheezy song about eternal love "See he is not properly dancing, but he act like he is, so first you have to learn how to lead, come on take off your shoes"

"Take them off? Why?" He asked while she got rid off her heels and let her bare feet touch the wooden floor.

"Because, and I mean this with respect" She said standing and looking for a record to put in her old record player until she found one "You are huge, and I'm afraid you would step on me with those shoes" a slow rhythm start playing and he did what she asked and stood barefoot in front of her.

"That doesn't sound like the other songs" Although he like it.

"Because you have to learn to walk before you can run, now, put both of your hands on my hips" She said getting closer to him.

"Like this?" It was funny how without the heels she was way shorter and couldn't completely reach her neck so she settled for put both hands on his shoulders.

"Fine now listen to the music and move" She said moving her body rhythmically "There you go, now move me, lead, right or left, is your choice" She said letting him take small steps and occasionally looking down to watch his feet.

"This is not that bad actually" Barry was actually enjoying himself, then the music start going faster and she took his right hand on hers and pull away from him and he chose to ignore the feeling of lost that caused him.

"Now, the hand on my back has to be steady, and lead, we can spin" She said and taught him how "Or we can walk" She started walking back slowly letting him follow the steps at his own pace. "Is all about who is leading" She gave him a smile and they kept dancing until the music was ending and since he had confidence now he make her spin and catch her on his arm like Janice's partner did on the clip.

"Sorry I always wanted to try that" he said once she was standing next to him.

"It was great, you are getting it, now we can try to improve your actual steps, but we should go downstairs, my husband is about to comeback and he hates having music on when he is working" She put on her shoes again and walked out followed by Barry.