#also as usual i am incapable of ending posts nicely

[montabeau]

ok i feel like this’ll be an unpopular opinion, but here it is: i honestly wish father brown hadn’t been renewed for a tenth series.

this doesn’t mean i’m not excited for s10 — i’m actually really looking forward to the new eps, and will no doubt be as concerningly obsessed with s10 as i already am with s1–9 — but the thing is, s9 ep10 was such a perfect stopping point for the show. it was the big hundredth episode, featuring the vast majority of the recurring characters (plus monty having a physical appearance at last), nicely tying up character arcs, and ending with kembleford finally breaking out of the 1953 time loop that’s been going on since the start. it was, effectively, the end of an era.

not only this, but s10 has had so many changes to the core cast in order for it to exist (especially mrs m being replaced) that it just feels to me like a desperate attempt to cling onto something that should’ve been allowed to go out on a high note at the end of s9. and although i’m sure the new episodes and new / newly-returning characters will be great, continuing the show in this way also means there’s now more and more risk of it ending up in the all-too-familiar descent into bad writing and unnecessary plotlines that shows often end up with if they go on too long with no thought for an ending

[changisworld]

Humiliation with Jeongin.

->Humiliation kink: A humiliation kink is intentional participation in an activity that involves being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise abused, including verbally, to experience sexual excitement.

Word count:1,845

->Smut warnings: Jeongin is MEAAAN, PIV, degradation, body cumshot, hair pulling, pinching, so much dirty talk, 2 slaps, sir kink, hint of a second round

©ANY translation, copy & paste, posting of my work is strictly forbidden for ANY posts/ writing i post, 18+ MDNI!!

Kinktober masterlist here

Main masterlist here

You would have bet your entire life savings on the fact that Jeongin would be a sub or at least a switch when you were first getting to know him & first started dating, but then you would have ended up bankrupt, because he is in fact the complete opposite.

You, in his eyes, have crossed a line & pissed him off by apparently flirting with Bangchan at a movie night you were at with Jeongin(you were just sitting between jeongin & chan, that is flirting in his eyes apparently) so of course the minute you get home he ‘needs’ to set a firm reminder.

“get naked n meet me in the bedroom in two minutes, you know how to sit.” Jeongin barks as he takes off his coat & places it on the rack, kicking off his trainers & storming past you, not even looking at you in the eyes & you shudder at the coldness of his words & you take a quiet huff as you take off your own jacket before almost running to the bedroom.

You kick off your flats & strip from your leggings & Jeongins shirt that you’ve claimed for your own & you ponder for a moment before deciding to keep your underwear & bra on, biting your bottom lip in anticipation as you settle down on your knees, the carpet burning your kneecaps but you choose to ignore it as you settle down right in front of the bedroom door, & just a couple of minutes later, you can hear Jeongin walking down the hall before entering the room.

The smell of his baby powder & vanilla shampoo fills your nose & you find it comforting, but the second you see the way his fox eyes are staring down at you, that quickly disappears.

“Are you seriously that fucking stupid? i told you to get naked & you can’t even do that right.” he says, a hint of disgust in his voice, & you have to mentally remind yourself that he doesn’t really mean it.

“thought it would look nice for you” you respond, trying to make your voice sound monotone, but he can see right through it.

“no, you’re just incapable of listening, you just wanna hide your tits from me because they’re covered in hickies, who gave you them?” he cackles as he grabs your cheek with his long fingers, pinching it tightly & you hold back a hiss.

“you. y-you gave me them” you reply, eyes glossy as you look up at him & he smiles at you, but you can tell it’s full of venom. “& who am i? tell me” he snarks back instantly, faking a pout.

“you, sir, can I touch you?” you ask, your voice a higher pitch than usual, trying to sound more innocent & Jeongin rolls his eyes at your words. “Take your bra off, then i’ll think about it.” he whips back at you as he pulls his own sweatpants down just enough, along with his boxers to let his cock spring free & he just lets it hang, putting his own pleasure aside for now just to watch you, red tip red & leaky already, the most delicious shine around the entire tip which makes your mouth fill with drool.

You nod your head at his words & you unclasp your bra before letting it fall right in front of you on the floor bed or returning your hands behind your back, the brown healing hickies & also the newer, still a purple-reddish colour & Jeongins cock jumps at the sight.

“Maybe you can listen to me! beg for my cock & i’ll give you it.” he chuckles as he holds the base of his cock before jerking himself off slowly & you let out a displeased moan at the sight before you look up at him with puppy eyes.

“please sir, just gimme it, i’ll do anything, please!” you plead as you shift from side to side, trying to ease the discomfort on your knees, the carpet digging in, & it seems to be that Jeongin takes the tiniest ounce of pity on you.

“on the bed then seeing since you’re too much of a fucking baby to handle even being on the floor" he speaks up, his voice sounding annoyed as he walks past you, rolling his eyes as he sets himself on the bed & sitting against the head board, still fully clothed with just his long cock out & you follow him like a lost kitten.

You situate yourself on his lap, because you both know that this is how this usually goes at this point & Jeongin grabs the top of your panties & pulls it towards him before letting go so the fabric smacks against your skin & your hips buck & he chuckles meanly.

"You can do the job of holding them to the side, mkay? Turn around & ride me, don't want to look at you when you're being so gross towards my own friends." he almost growls & you whimper.

"Innie I only sat next to him, wanna kiss you, i'm sorry." you sniffle, holding back tears as you lay your hands on his chest, your covered core resting on his bare cock but he doesn't give in to your pretty face, instead he reaches behind you & grabs a handful of your hair before tugging you only inches away from his face, giving it a light slap on your right cheek, grinning at the way you whimper.

"Stop making excuses you sound ridiculous, get a grip y/n, you knew what you were doing & now you can deal with it, don't make me repeat myself." his voice decorated with venom as he helps you flip around & picks up his cock, jerking himself off as you hover above him.

"You don't need prep, do you? probably wet enough from pretty much fawning over Chan all night." he speaks from behind you as his tip drags through your folds a couple of times before it's piercing you & before you can push yourself down onto him slowly enough to adjust, Jeongin is forcing your hips down on his cock & you let out a pained hiss at the overwhelming burning sensation.

“cmon, make me cum” jeongin says deadpan, but you don’t miss the way his toes curl in front of you. You let out a whimper as you pick your hips up & then clash them back down, trying to set a pace that doesn’t kill you with how long his cock is, eating your cervix & probably pushing it further into you.

The painful stretch turns into pleasure as you start to bounce on him & you’re doing your best to not be too loud so you can hear Jeongins moans behind you, but he is having none of it.

“don’t be so quiet, lemme hear how good I’m making you feel, could chan make you feel like this?” he purrs & you let out a small squeak as he purposely moves his hips just a smidge & his tip punches into your G-spot which makes your legs tremble, your pace faltering.

“N-no jeo-sir! only you.” you reply & he just chuckles as he gives your ass a spank, eyes entranced in the way your ass is jiggling in front of him, making his cock twitch inside you as squelching noises of your cunt fills the room, your cunt clenching at the sounds bouncing off of the walls.

Jeongin smuggly looks at you from behind & before you can even realise, Jeongin is grabbing your arms that were leaning on his knees as you were bouncing & pulls your arms behind you, forcing all of your weight on your legs.

Your eyes widen at the stretch but also the new angle & you can feel your orgasm bubbling up inside you.

“gonna cu-cum, please! le-lemme cum” you squeal as you use the rest of your strength to try bounce quicker to push you over the edge quicker but Jeongin is quick to push you forward so your ass is in the air & he pulls out of you before he rolls you on your back & settles himself between your legs, his soaked cock making his hand wet.

Jeongin grabs the soaked through fabric of your panties that had been digging into your right inner thigh when you had shoved them to the side & covers your cunt with it, your swollen clit poking through & he glues his eyes to it as he starts jerking himself off above your panties, angling himself so his tip fucks against your now sheen panties & you let out a moan of desperation.

“Wan- cum!” you bark at him & he detaches his eyes from your cunt that he’s fucking against & not in & looks at you, both of you showing fucked our faces, his sharp eyes full of lust, an animalistic look filling them.

“maybe you should have thought about that then, hmm?” he teases & you shut your legs to try retaliate, but Jeongin pinches your inner thigh until you let out a yelp & you reopen your legs & he dips his cock under your panties, your cunt rubbing his cock on the underside & your soiled underwear hugging his top part & he rolls his head back, this time him being the one moaning.

“gonna cum on your panties for you, you want that hmm? you can wear these with Chan & ask him to tell you how i taste” he chuckles, trying to hide how so beyond pissed he is at just the thought of what he is saying & with a low, guttural groan, thin ropes of cum shoots from his tip, your wet panties catching a lot & keeping it on your shaved pube area but a bit still lands on your lower tummy.

You look up at him, getting butterflies & even more soaked at the sight of his pretty face as he comes undone, his eyes scrunched shut as his fluffy hair now damp & sticking to his face & his cheeks a blushed colour.

He pants as his orgasm settles back down & he looks down at you, his eyes completely different & you’re not complaining because even though Jeongin can be so so so mean during sex, his post nut clarity always makes him feel a tiny bit ‘guilty’ in a way & he instantly becomes thee sweetest person.

He strips your panties from you & pretty much jumps on you, kissing you.

“I love you, don’t take anything of what i said personally, didn’t mean it!” he murmurs between pecks & you can’t help but blush.

“I know innie, don’t stress” you respond, caging him above you with your arms as you hug him but he wiggles free & shimmies down.

“i’ll make you cum since you were so good to me, wanna show my apology.” he says, his face plastered with his usual cheeky look.

->Taglist & anon list are open!

@ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @jisungml @minniesverse @mikaelless @missystay @lixies-favorite-cookie @kissesmellow21 @keshet21

(if your name is NOT in grey, it’s because it wouldn’t let me tag you :( )

[taestefully-in-luv]

Always You | JJK (One)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader, slight Taehyung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack

Word Count: 10.2k (yikes, I know) (I will try to shorten future chapters, ya girl is sorry)

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, puking, reader is a drunk cry baby, reader is kinda embarrassing, jk is kinda jelaous, mentions of sleeping around, reader and jk are pretty affectionate, jk’s thighs are mentioned—that’s like, a warning in itself right?

Notes: hiiiii, the first part is here! Once again, really nervous about this so please go easy on me but mostly, just enjoy! :) also sorry for any typos!!!!

© taestefully-in-luv

Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun is a magical thing. It lights up and warms the Earth, it enhances your mood, it helps plants grow, it literally provides for life. Without the sun, life on Earth would cease to exist. What the sun also does? The sun also shines down on us and lights up the most beautiful things. The sun today, however, is especially highlighting the most beautiful thing. The way the glittering rays gleam through the windows you can see how todays sun focuses on him.

That’s right, you guessed it. Kim Taehyung. His skin is absolutely glowing in the rays, his eyes sparkle in the light that shines down. Yes, Kim Taehyung is an other-worldly being. The way he just stands there and shimmers you can’t help but stare but also like, shy away because his beauty is so god damn blinding. Wait…was this dramatic? This might be dramatic. You’re too far gone to care though. His boxy grin, the way his hair falls into his eyes, the mole on his—

“I just want you to know, you are fucking drooling.” You hear the scoff of the man across from you, Jeon Jungkook, also known as your best friend.

You lazily shake your head as the two of you sit nice and snug in the booths of your favorite coffee shop. It’s one of the colder spring days, the breeze biting at your skin when you were outside but now, you have Jungkook’s scarf wrapped loosely around your neck and hot coffee in your hands.

“I mean, I get it. He’s gorgeous but do you really have to go this far?”

You bring the white mug full of black coffee to your lips. It’s hot and burns the tip of your tongue, but not anything you’re not use to.

“Yes.” You state plainly. You know exactly to what he is referring to. You don’t usually come here at this time, in fact you are usually a creature of habit and come at the same time on the same days… Tuesday and Thursdays in the evening but its Friday and like 1pm. But you knew Kim Taehyung was going to be here when he snapped a picture of the famous white mug with the shops logo on it and posted on his story. You bring your hand up to your forehead, saluting to the sky, “Thank you Snapchat.” So yes, naturally when you saw he was at this coffee shop you hurried to make sure you were too. Maybe it is fucking desperate. Okay it is. But could you blame a girl? He was one of the hottest guys you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.

“This is ridiculous,” Jungkook huffs into his own mug, “You could just talk to him…”

Now it was your turn to scoff.

“As fucking if!”

Jungkook smirks into his mug, taking a sip of the burning hot coffee. “That incapable, hmm?”

“It’s not that I’m incapable JK,” You blow on the drink nonchalantly, “I am simply just not worthy.”

“You are so stupid, I swear.” He huffs into his mug again.

“What do you mean?”

Jungkook breathes out slowly, biting his lip as if contemplating what to say.

It’s like, what can he say? He wishes he could tell you a million things that would ease your mind, that could possibly give you the confidence you need or maybe just slap the reality on you that Taehyung doesn’t deserve you. But then he will get asked ‘why’ and he can’t have that.

“What?” you whine into your cup before setting it down.

“You’re really cool and also pretty?” he says quirking a brow in question. Because apparently that’s all he can come up with.

“That’s a question? Also am I dying? You’re complimenting me?” you tease, giving him an exaggerated look of satisfaction.

“I just mean…” Jungkook runs a hand through his messy dark locks, “You have nothing to worry about, ya know?”

Nothing to worry about he says! What does he know? He can literally get any girl—or guy for that matter—that he wants. You dip your head, frowning at the idea.

Jungkook has been your best friend since your freshmen year and there’s nothing you treasure more than his friendship. You bite your lips and tilt your head trying to recall his first presence in your life…oh! That stupid frat party freshmen year…you met at a frat party during your first semester and totally hit it off. Did he try to get into your pants? Okay, yeah maybe. He offered a room just up the stairs that night, but you refused…seemingly too shy. But Jungkook was nothing but understanding. He pat your back and said he knew a better place, and that was the 24 diner down the street. And the rest is history

“Obviously I don’t know and oh my god don’t look but—” You try saying before Jungkook is completely turning his head around to look. Classic Jungkook.

“Oh hey Tae.” Jungkook says in The Kim Taehyungs direction. Taehyung walks up to your table, you thought the sun only highlighted his beauty but up close he is the sun. You knew it was a magical thing.

“Hey guys! “ Taehyung stands there as bright as a fucking light, waving at you and your best friend. Oh yeah, did we forget to mention Jungkook is also friends with said Kim Taehyung? Okay, so maybe talking to Taehyung shouldn’t be that hard, since you share the same fucking friends. And you guys are technically friends too.

“Sup dude.” Jungkook shrugs nonchalantly, picking up his coffee mug once again. His long fingers wrapping around the porcelain, warming him up. You watch as Jungkook takes a sip of his beverage with his doe eyes on you, he nods his head towards Taehyung and winks at you as he gulps down the drink. Of course, he’s teasing you.

“Hey y/n!” Taehyungs smile shines so brightly you want to actually kill yourself. What is up with this dude and being so blinding?

“Hey Taehyung…” you gulp your coffee awkwardly, giving him a small wave of the hand.

“y/n I told you to call me Tae!”

“Right…” you chuckle into the coffee creating bubbles of the liquid like the fucking pathetic lil thang you are.

Yeah, talking to The Kim Taehyung is not your specialty. Never was.

2 years ago

Your head is buried in books on the table of your campuses library with Jungkook fast asleep next to you. Statistics shouldn’t be this hard but it fucking is and you are groaning into your book, on the verge of pulling your hair out when a deep voice that rumbles your insides interrupts you—actually fuck it, you don’t feel like getting into a flashback. Just know that you met Taehyung (officially through Jungkook) and he ended up calling you pretty and you’ve thought about it every day since. Because you are pathetic. What’s new?

And that was it, that’s all it took for you to gain a massive crush on the boy.

“What’s up dude?” Jungkook asks again. He is now scrolling through his phone, probably swiping through Tinder, if you have to guess. And you’re right because he’s turning his phone towards you showing you some random girl, his wide eyes asking for your opinion. You roll your eyes and nod your head ‘yes’. As you can guess, this happens quite often.

“Ummm…” Taehyung runs a frustrated hand through his hair, you slowly tilt your head to soak him in when you notice he looks almost…panicked? “I need help with something actually,” but he isn’t looking at Jungkook as he says this, no. He’s looking at you.

“You see that girl at the counter over there? The one with long hair, not the other one.” He nods his head in the general direction while still remaining discreet.

You tilt your head to steal a glance at the counter and yes you do see the girl he is referring to. She’s got long brown hair that reaches her waist and man, she is gorgeous. Big, bright eyes. Full, pouting lips. Long legs and yeah, the works. Taehyung sure knows how to pick them. Did he need help to get her number of something? Like a wing woman? You mean, does he really need the help?

“Yes, I see her.” Is all you say to him and you expect him to ask you to go over there but instead he says,

“Great. I need you to be my girlfriend.”

You blink lazily at him as you process his words while Jungkook chokes on his drink.

“You want her to be your what?” Jungkook is the first to speak.

“My girlfriend.” He says again before his eyes go wide, “Like, like my fake girlfriend.” Taehyung turns a wonderful shade of red before his hand is reaching to scratch the back of his neck, chuckling to himself. “This girl—Anna…she is a bit obsessed? Ya know? Won’t leave me alone type thing and …and I have tried saying I have a girlfriend but she followed me to this coffee shop when she heard I was here. Like, who does that?”

Now it’s your turn to turn red, because you. You would fucking do that.

“That’s horrible Taehy—” you begin to say before Taehyungs large eyes pierce into your own, “Please y/n.”

“Anna???” Jungkook cuts in setting his phone on the table. “Like Anna Anna?” Jungkook squints his eyes at his friend before scoffing. “...She’s not doing it.” his eyes go between Taehyung and this girl Anna. “Don’t involve her in whatever game you—"

“I’ll do it.” You say, even surprising yourself. “I mean, it’s just pretend and for this moment so why not?” you begin to explain yourself. Plus for a few minutes you can pretend you’re really his girlfriend and your delusional mind will thrive off that.

Tae is quick to straighten his back and smile widely before he is ushering you to scoot over in the booth to let him in. “Scoot scoot” he whispers, grinning from ear to ear.

“Tae, you can’t be serious—” Jungkook is quick to say something, anything. His hands scrambling to grab his phone and hands it to Taehyung from across the table. “Here. Call up some other girl to do this. Don’t involve y/n.” Taehyung gives Jungkook a look of panic before Jungkook speaks up again, “Plus, y/n would be the worst fake girlfriend,” And that’s it. That’s all it takes. Jungkook’s constant negativity pisses you off so much that it drives what you say next.

“No need Taehyung.” You snatch Jungkook’s phone and shove it back in his hands. “Why don’t you call up one of your girls yourself and leave us alone?”

Jungkook looks at you shocked, his brows furrowing so deeply you are almost concerned for his face and the wrinkles that might set in.

“y/n…?” his stupid doe eyes look at you with so much confusion.

“I just mean, I can do this Jungkook. Don’t have to be so concerned.”

At that, Taehyung lights up.

“Great!” and his long arm wraps around your waist and when he was sure Anna is looking he leans in to plant a soft kiss to your cheek. “Thanks for doing this…” he whispers in your ear before placing another kiss.

Your eyes meet Jungkook’s shocked ones. He looks like he just saw a ghost, all the color drained from his face as he watches you and Taehyung.

“Uh….” You don’t have any words for Taehyung—or Tae as he likes to be called.

You don’t even have the balls to glance his way, you don’t even have the balls to breathe in his direction.

“Look at me?” Taehyung’s finger is on your chin, guiding it towards his face.

“No…” Jungkook spurts out, “I mean, y/n don’t we have to go?” Jungkook looks at you with a look you’ve never really seen before. Maybe it’s desperation but you don’t really care.

“We don’t actually” you respond nonchalantly.

And with that you turn to face Taehyung more properly. His face is so close to yours it’s almost suffocating.

“What is it…Tae?” you try out his nickname for the first time. His cheeks flush and he scoots back just an inch.

“Thank you for doing this but…” his eyes slide to the side, eyeing Jungkook. “I was thinking we could do this for a couple of weeks, at the least. Ya know, to make it believable.”

Surprising you and Taehyung, Jungkook rises from his seat at the booth,

“y/n let’s go.” He simply states, not even looking at you. Taehyung looks panicked as you look between the boys.

“Tae…” you started to say before Jungkook reaches over the table to grab your wrist, “Come oooooooonnnnn” But you are quick to yank it back.

“Stop Jungkook, you’re being childish.”

Taehyung tightens his hold on you, “Yeah Kookie, sit back down…please.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes at Taehyung, giving him a look that screams ‘are you serious?!’

“Childish? Okay.” He gives you a look of disappointment before grabbing his phone and his bag and walking away from the table. You watch in disbelief as Jungkook’s figure disappears from your view. What was up with him?

“Sorry, I don’t know what’s going on with him…”

“Right…” Tae responds quietly, his grip on your waist loosening up. “He’s just really protective over you, huh?” Taehyung bites his lip in contemplation, “y/n. I’m serious, let’s do this. I’ll pay for your coffee for the next month if you do this with me. Please, I am quite literally begging you.” He breathes out through his nose in an attempt to laugh. “She won’t leave me alone otherwise.”

You bite your lip in deep thought, your brows pulled together. Taehyung couldn’t help but find you cute.

“For a month? What happened to a few weeks?” you ask, a playful smirk gracing your features.

Taehyung couldn’t help the grin that made its way on his face.

“1 month.” He breathes out. “Unless you fall in love with me during that time and beg for more time….” He pokes his tongue out, his teasing tone going straight to your lady bits. If only he knew.

“Fine, but we should set some ground rules…don’t you think?”

“Okay. Like what?”

“Oh…I don’t—”

Taehyung raises a brow, “Don’t say something stupid like ‘no kissing’…because we want to make it as realistic as possible, don’t we?” he leans in just a bit more. Without Jungkook around Taehyung seems a bit more confident.

“Oh, you want to kiss me then?”

“It’s just for show. We don’t gotta think too hard about it.” His face inches closer and closer.

“Love…” you say, in a complete daze. Too lost in Taehyungs big brown eyes.

“What about it?” he doesn’t blink, just continues to stare into your eyes.

“We…would if one of us catches feelings? Then we should stop it, right?” You choke out.

Taehyung squeezes his eyes shut as an impossibly cute giggle escapes his lips, “You’re so cute. How many romcoms have you watched to come up with that line?”

“I’m serious.” You push your head back, “This could become hurtful if one of us falls in love…” You say this knowing it’s you. Well, obviously. Just because Taehyung called you pretty 2 years ago doesn’t mean he likes you.

“Okay, sweetheart.” Taehyung gets close again, “I’ll tell you.” And then he leans in, just an inch from your face. His lips hovering over your own and you can see his eyes still on you, like he’s silently asking for permission. You can’t help the nod of your head and you, yourself don’t stop yourself from leaning in.

Taehyungs lips are just as soft as you had always imagined. His lips only peck yours, the kiss is short but sweet. Once he pulls back you see his eyes slide to the counter where that Anna girl stands, and a look of relief washes over his features.

“Thank God, she bought it. She looks pissed,” he laughs loudly, “She saw us and is totally storming out!”

Oh, right. This is all for show.

“Oh, good.”

“Thanks y/n!” Taehyung’s smile is so wide it takes up the entire booth. He goes in for a quick hug, pulling back he smiles again before reaching his hand to pat your head.

“You’re a good girl.” He says and slips out of the booth. Welp, you wish those words didn’t go straight to your vagina.

“Uh, thanks.” You sputter out, not entirely sure what just happened.

“See you later?” he asks then his face lights up, “I’ll bring you a coffee.”

“Well, that is the deal.” You shoot him some pathetic finger guns.

You stare down at your now cold coffee, and look across from you at the now empty booth where Jungkook once sat.

“I’ll text you with more details later!” he shakes his phone in his hand,

“Bye bye…girlfriend.” He finishes off with a wink and skips, yes fucking skips away.

You are left alone at your table, with an empty seat across from you and a cold coffee. And now a fake boyfriend with the guy you have a massive crush on. This couldn’t possibly go all wrong, could it?

~~~

“This is definitely going to go all wrong, you realize that, right? This is a bad idea y/n and you know it.”

Jungkook’s legs are swung over your own as he lays on the couch, his focus on his phone in his hands. He wears his gray puma sweat suit you love so much and smells exactly the same as always—clean laundry and his own musk. You can’t help but eye him over, his dark strands of hair falling into his eyes as he bobbles his head to rid himself of the stray pieces. You aren’t blind, Jungkook is like, crazy hot and sometimes your staring can become a problem.

“Like, ‘we can’t fall in love with each other’” he mocks, “What sort of bullshit? You already in love, aren’t you?” he peeks over his phone to get a look at you waiting for some sort of rejection of his words.

“It’s just a crush, Jungkook.”

“Sure.” His eyes go back to his screen. “You’re pretty dumb for doing this.”

“Did I mention we kissed?”

“Only 100 times now you sicko.” Jungkook rolls his eyes and you can’t help but giggle.

It’s no secret that Jungkook is against this—whatever this is. He always has been…ever since you mentioned it 2 years ago sophomore year.

“No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’?!” you ask in disbelief.

You just confessed your little crush on Taehyung to Jungkook, the two of you sitting across from one another in the library when he rolls his eyes, obviously annoyed.

“Can you not yell? We’re literally in a library. And I don’t feel like getting kicked out this week…again.” He rolls his pen between his fingers as he speaks.

“Okay one: that’s your own fault for getting caught with your hand down some girls pants. And Two: what do you mean ‘no’?”

“Taehyung is off limits for you.” He says, totally unbothered.

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“It means, he’s my friend for one so gross, and also he’s kind of like…emotionally unavailable.”

You chew on your pen, wondering what that could mean. Like, he doesn’t date? He doesn’t ‘do’ relationships? He’s already in love with someone else?

“I’m not telling you.” Jungkook’s pen slides against his paper as he writes, “His life.”

Oh, you asked that out loud.

“Whatever Jungkook, it’s just a crush.”

It feels nice to have a crush on someone other than…

Ding

Your phone goes off and you hurry to check it. What? It could be Taehyung wanting to go over the details of the ‘plan’. But much to your disappointment it was just Jimin.

Jimin 9:42pm

Where are you guys? Party has BEEN started girl

Y/N 9:42pm

We’re about to leave babe, see you soonish

Jimin 9:43pm

You guys fuckin? *smirk face emoji*

Y/N 9:43pm

Did you just…write smirk face emoji instead of putting the emoji itself

Y/N 9:44pm

Also how many times do I have to tell you JK and I aren’t like that

Jimin 9:45pm

Whatevs, see you soon babe xoxo

You set your phone down in your lap, your fingers going to massage Jungkook’s calves as you sneak a glance at him, he closes his eyes in satisfaction as you continue massaging the muscle.

“We gotta get go—also, that’s now what you’re wearing right?”

“Not going tonight. But have fun.” Jungkook sets his phone on his chest, letting out a long breath while folding his arms behind his head. He looks comfortable like, you almost believe him that he’s really staying in.

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’m serious.”

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N why don’t we just stay in tonight?” He whines, he unfolds his arms and reaches for your hand. “Let’s go buy a 12 pack, get fucked up and just ya know, stay in.” Though this doesn’t sound like a bad idea, it also sounds like every Friday night with the two of you and you want to do something different tonight. But it would take some convincing. You interlock your fingers with his and he melts at your touch, his dopey smile growing.

“It’s a good idea, right?” he says, blinking up at you.

You smile back, tilting your head just the slightest before your smile drops altogether.

“No.”

“Ugh!” Jungkook throws his head back on the sofas armrest, “Why are you like this?”

“You still love me.” You chirp swinging his legs off yours and standing to your feet.

“Now get dressed and I promise that I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the weekend and you can bring whatever poor girl back to the apartment.”

Oh yes, your best friend is also your roommate. You’ve been living together for the last year—it just made the most sense. He was always over at yours or vise versa. So it made the most sense to save money and just room together. It worked out almost perfectly—almost. He paid his half of rent on time, he cleaned the dishes, he did laundry. Wait a minute, what the hell did you offer? That’s beside the point, the best of all he was always there when you needed him. The one downfall…the girls he brought over.

It got so bad that you couldn’t even sleep. You get it, your best friend is obviously…gifted. If the girls whines and moans and screams were any indication. So you had to set some rules for your sanity! For one, the other must always warn the other when bring home a person for the night. And two, its best if the other is already like, not home. Jungkook quickly agreed…something about how he doesn’t want to hear you either.

So, offering to be gone all weekend so he can have as much sex in his bed as he wants is probably going to be convincing enough.

You study Jungkook’s features, his brows pinched together almost comically, and his lips formed into the cutest pout.

“All weekend?” he asks, kicking imaginary rocks with his feet. “Like, no interruptions?”

“No interruptions you absolute whore.”

“Fine, deal.” He looks into your eyes and something flashes across them that you cant pinpoint. “I guess I’ll get dressed…but wait, where will you stay?”

“Probably with Jimin.” You shrug.

“Hm, okay.” Jungkook walks towards his room while lifting his sweatshirt over his head and throwing it behind him, the article of clothing landing on the floor. “And you’re doing laundry.”

“Brat.” You say rolling your eyes but you can’t help but smile.

You don’t take long to get ready yourself, you settle for a casual look tonight…okay, semi-casual, meaning you’re wearing jeans but you are wearing a nice, low cut blouse that shows a generous amount of cleavage. It’s your go to titty shirt. You aren’t really looking to get laid tonight or anything but you do want onlookers to wish you were.

You bounce your knee up and down while sitting on the sofa as you not so patiently wait on your bff, you call out for him but he only yells back that you need to like, chill out. After what feels like forever, the creak of his bedroom door opening can be heard and you quickly stand to your feet to face him.

“Woah.” Is all you manage to say as Jungkook walks out of his room, his cologne filling the air around you. “You look…” you can’t even finish your sentence without Jungkook’s stupid smirk already on his face. His pants are skin tight, the material practically melted on to his thick thighs that are deliciously exposed thanks to rips and holes. His plain white tee is accompanied by a fine leather jacket and his hair is split down the middle, the waves adorning his face. He looks damn good. And you both fucking know it.

“I look?” he teases, walking closer to you. His cologne suffocating your nostrils but you aren’t upset about it.

“You look…fine. You look better than before at least.” You choke out. It’s not that Jungkook is capable of making you nervous but sometimes he has this aura about him…no, you don’t even want to get into it. Those are thoughts you’ve trained yourself to push away.

“Whatever.” His eyes skim over your body shamelessly, “You look fine too.” He winks, walking past you.

“Ready to go?” he calls out over his shoulder. You can’t help but watch his tight ass walk away. Did you really say tight ass? Well it is!

“Yeah, lemme grab my purse and uh, uh we can go. You’re driving.”

~~~

“About fucking time, sluts.”

“Hello to you too, Jiminie.” You crack a smile as your friend goes in for a quick but tight hug.

When Jungkook finally introduced you to all his friends the one you hit it off with the most was good ol’ Jimin. He immediately became one of your closest friends.

“Yo Park.” Jungkook’s eyes are all around the place, not even sparing Jimin a glance. No doubt looking for his girl for the night already. What? It’s a safe assumption.

“Jeon.” Jimin rolls his eyes playfully. “You guys took forever, too busy fucking?”

You hit Jimin’s shoulder with your own, giving him a look that says you’ll scold him later.

“She wishes.” Jungkook finally puts his attention on the two of you, a wide smile growing on his face.

“Shut up.”

“What? It’s true! Oh my god Jimin, you should of seen her face when she saw me walk out in this fit.” Jungkook stands tall, hands grabbing onto the material of his leather jacket,

“She was like “oh my god Jungkook you look so go—” You go to hit his stomach with your fist but thanks to his rock hard abs you only end up hurting yourself. “Fuck! Ow! What’s under your shirt?” you yell over the music.

“Oh baby, you can find out. Should we go upstairs? I know a room.” He says with a wink.

The words ring a bell of familiarity in your head, each syllable echoing softly. A small smile forms on your lips and Jungkook gives you the softest smile in return. Did he just say the same line he used on you 3 years ago when you two met?

3 years ago

The music is booming so loudly you can’t even hear yourself think. This isn’t your first frat party and probably won’t be your last but you just can’t get use to it. You let your dormmate drag you to this stupid party only for her to ditch you in the first 10 minutes. Great.

You weave through the crowd trying to locate the kitchen to get your hands on the strongest drink you can find, lord knows you need it.

The kitchen is just as crowded as the rest of the house unfortunately. So many bodies. Bodies doing shots. Bodies doing shots off other bodies. Bodies playing games. Bodies grinding against other bodies. So many fucking bodies. It is honestly overwhelming. You walk towards the punch bowl, reaching for a red solo cup when another hand bumps into yours.

“Whoops sorry, go ahead.” The hand is attached to this boy—or man? Should you say man? He sure looks like one. He eyes you up and down before smiling down at you.

“Freshmen?” he asks.

You slump your shoulders, “Do I really look that outta place?” you pout.

“It’s not that…I just have a way of knowing.” He laughs. “I’m Namjoon, by the way.”

Namjoon, huh? He is cute that was for sure. “Y/N.” you say placing a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Pretty!” he smiles, then his eyes look behind you. “Ay! Jungkook! What did I say?! No more Keg stands!!!!” Then Namjoon’s eyes are back on you, “Sorry Y/N gotta go, gotta take care of this brat.” Then walks past you to this mysterious Jungkook person.

Your eyes follow Namjoon as he rushes to whoever this Jungkook guy is. Namjoon pulls him to the side obviously scolding him for apparently doing too many keg stands. Jungkook looks like a small child who is about to get grounded, and you can’t help but giggle. Unfortunately, this caught Jungkook’s attention. He looks straight at you, his eyes narrowing. Wait a minute. You recognize him! He definitely looks like the same guy from your Lit class on Tuesday and Thursdays. Yup, you get one long good look at him and he is definitely the same heartthrob of a dude from your class. All the girls go crazy for this guy, you mean, you guess you get it. He is really hot. He’s got on a black t shirt and some ripped jeans, and tousled hair.

Jungkook looks at you again with furrowed brows then smirks. Fuck, you were staring. And got caught. You see Jungkook pat Namjoon on the shoulder a few times then walk past him, much to Namjoon’s annoyance.

And he’s walking towards….you. FUCK. In a total panic, you twirl around to face the wall, yes the fucking wall when you feel a tap on your shoulder.

“’Scuse me?” a voice says from behind you. You’re not going to play dumb, you know who the voice probably belongs to. You stay facing the wall, like a fucking weirdo.

“Wanna turn around?” his voice is light and teasing and you can’t help the long release of breath before turning to face him. Wow. Up close he’s even more handsome….

“Hi?” you sputter out, completely unaware of how lame and shy you sound.

“Hey, like what you see?” he nods his head in the direction he just came from, clearly amused.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Apparently playing dumb is how you decide to go about this. You stare at him with a blank expression, swaying from side to side. Lucky for you it’s in beat with the music so you look kind of cool. At least that’s what you’re telling yourself.

“I mean, you kept staring at me so.”

“No, its…it’s not like that”

“Then, what’s it like?”

“I just…I thought I recognized you so…” you wipe your sweaty hands on your black denim skirt. “That’s all.” You finish, still looking at him like you haven’t done anything weird tonight.

“Anderson’s Lit class right?” he asks with a pointed look. “I recognized you too.” His smirk does things to your lower half but you shouldn’t be admitting that right now.

“Oh?” is all you manage to say.

Jungkook studies you for a few moments, his gaze so dark and intimidating and you feel so flushed with his eyes on you. Then he groans with fingers rushing through his messy hair,

“Do you understand this week’s assignment?”

He…he wants to talk about school?

“Yes, I do. Because this assignment is wack as fuck.”

OH. You must of asked that out loud.

“Yes, you did.”

Oh, that too.

“Umm, yeah. What aren’t you understanding?” you finally say something relevant.

“It’s just more like, I think it’s a stupid assignment.” He chuckles, “Oh, you got something—” he reaches his hand forward to your hair, his fingers brushing through your long strands, pulling back with a piece of string. “Got it.” He says with a sly smile.

HOW CHEESY!!!! But like, it still made the heartbeat in your vagina go boom boom.

“Ya know…” he begins, his eyes never leaving yours as he talks. You actually don’t even know what he is talking about but his lips move so quickly you try to follow them. Your eyes on his lips the whole time, you don’t even realize it.

“…and that’s why I think it’s stupid.” He finally finishes with an obnoxious laugh. “Hey—hey are you even listening?” he says, his lips in a pout. You would know because they are all you’ve been staring at.

“Huh?” you blink lazily up at him, “Oh. Yeah. I totally agree.”

Jungkook stares at you seriously for a second before breaking out into a cackle, yes a cackle like he’s some hysterical witch. Which sounds really unattractive but honestly you’re digging it.

“It’s okay, you weren’t listening. I guess I’m not that interesting, huh?”

“No no! You are!” You’re quick to say, your hands waving frantically in front of you.

“Oh? So you do find me interesting?” he smirks, folding his arms across his chest.

You scoff at his words, appreciating his moves on you with a sly smile.

“Are you always this smooth?” you ask, a light teasing tone laced in your voice.

“Oh baby, you can find out. Should we go upstairs? I know a room.” He teases back.

Feeling so at home lost in your memories with Jungkook, you finally break free from the flashback. For some reason that’s a flashback you don’t mind reliving.

“Smooth.” You grin at Jungkook, you can’t help the blush that paints itself on your cheeks.

“For you? Always.” He grins back. You two just stare at one another, basking in the memories of your friendship.

“Okay, enough.” Jimin cuts in, his hands on both yours and Jungkook’s shoulders, “Either actually get a room and finally fuck or get on with your nights.”

You and Jungkook exchange awkward glances before turning towards the living room to join the party. Jimin is left at the houses entrance by the front door, totally dumbfounded. “these two idiots…” he scoffs under his breath, his eyes rolling so far back into his head.

Hours pass and you know what? The party isn’t as lame as you thought it might be. You are lost in the music on the living rooms dance floor with a red solo cup in one hand and your phone in the other.

“y/n!” you hear the call of one of your closest girlfriends.

“Trina!!!” you stumble towards her with a lopsided grin, you reach for her bringing her in for a long hug.

“Woah, someone’s drunk.” She laughs her loud laugh that you love so much. “And damn, the titty shirt is out tonight? Nice.”

“Not drunk” you giggle, and then continue to giggle again for no apparent reason.

“Right…” Trina slaps your back enthusiastically, “Where’s…” she then lowers her voice with a smirk, “lover boy?”

“who? Jungkook?” you ask with the tilt of your head.

Trina’s head pushes back with a confused expression, “What? No! I’m talking about…” she lowers her voice again, “Taehyung!”

OH. Right. You had texted Trina as soon as the whole ordeal with Taehyung unraveled. She knows of your long time crush and totally supports the idea of fake dating because as she puts it:

“Girl! This is your chance! Show him what a great girlfriend you would be, he would totally fall in love with you for real for real.”

And you have to say, you like where her head is at. Complete opposite of what Jungkook is always saying.

“Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t see him around.” You sway side to side, your lit up phone catching your attention.

Jungkook 1:22am

Don’t come home tonight ;)

You can’t help but roll your eyes. How is he so quick?

Y/N 1:23am

Alreadyasydy tslked 2 Jiminie, staying w hum toniteeee.

Jungkook 1:24am

y/n…you’re not too drunk right?

Jungkook 1:27am

y/n????

You are back to shaking your ass with Trina by your side, the bass of the music thumping so loudly you can feel it vibrate your whole body. Body after body pushes into you, causing you to stumble every few seconds. But your grip on your refilled solo cup doesn’t loosen, not as you chug back your drink.

“Gonna grab another!” you slur, nodding your head towards the kitchen. Trina only gives you a thumbs up as she continues to dance with some random girl.

The walk to the kitchen feels like it’s taking forever, the way the walls swirl around you makes you feel sick. You stagger through the kitchens walk way when you feel two arms wrap around your middle.

“My girlfriend!” You hear the slur of words in your right ear, loud and clear.

You turn in the man’s hold with squinted eyes,

“Oh hi Tae.” You giggle, encasing him in a hug. Drunk y/n is way more confident. For some reason seeing him like this you don’t feel as nervous or awkward. Then you feel it. The weird, uncomfortable pang in your chest. Why is that? You look up at Taehyung when the sensation of guilt begins to surface. You remind yourself of the mission you’re on, completely ignoring the inner truth that tries to bubble over and smile at him.

Taehyung looks down at you with a goofy grin, his fingers digging into your waist to keep you steady.

“Oh, you’re drunk drunk.” He teases.

“Am not!” you shake away your confusing thoughts and giggle some more. “wanna take a shot with me?” you excitedly ask him, nodding in the direction of the liquor bottles.

“Hell yeah girl!” he says, taking your hand and leading you towards the counter.

“Y/N are you okay????” Taehyung voice is laced in concern as he holds you. Yes, the Kim Taehyung is holding you. “Shit, I shouldn’t have let you drink this much….” But like in a totally pathetic way.

“You…” you lean back, hitting his chest with your pointer finger, “Don’t tell me how much I can or can’t drink!” your voice buzzes as you fall forward but Taehyung catches you again.

“Right right…” he chuckles but then he looks concerned again. “We need to get you home…let’s call Jungkook.”

“No! we caaaannnnoottt do that…” your words are all jumbled together, Taehyung has a hard time understanding you.

“Where’s your phone?”

“Back pocket.” You wink. Like a fucking sleaze.

Taehyung looks conflicted, but in the end he reaches around for your phone and turns it on.

“Holy shit y/n… you have 8 missed calls from Jungkook. And whole lotta texts.”

Jungkook 1:30am

Are you okay??

Jungkook 1:40am

y/n…Youre a big girl so ill just assume youre okay.

Jungkook 3:02am

Just talked to jimin and you aren’t with him?? where are u??

Jungkook 3:18am

Answer your fukin phone

Jungkook 3:23am

Are you still at the party?

Jungkook 3:41am

You aren’t with Trina either? y/n where are you?

Jungkook 4:00am

Don’t make me go back there….pls just answer your phone so I know if youre like, idk fucking alive

Jungkook 4:10am

Fine im going to look for you

“Fuck.” Taehyung hisses under his breath. “I gotta call him…I’m gonna call him okay?”

Your eyes go comically wide at Taehyungs words.

“No!”

“too late” he says, the phone to his hear.

“Hey man, no its me…Taehyung, yeah…yeah….she….” Taehyung eyes you carefully as he speaks on the phone, “She’s fine. She just has had maybe too much to dri—” Taehyung drags a hand down his tired face, “No for fucks sake I didn’t do anything to her. Really dude?”

You lean into Taehyungs space, trying to put your ear to the phone as well and Taehyung can’t help but laugh.

“I read all your texts to be honest…if you have a girl over…what? No, I’m saying y/n can just stay with me…”

Stay with Taehyung? That should make your heart race but—

You think all the alcohol is catching up to you at once and the world becomes even more blurred and a spinning mess. You would give anything to be cuddled up in your blankets with Jungkook taking care of you—wait, no. You don’t need Jungkook to take care of you. You have a perfectly good Taehyung who just offered his place to you.

“I swear man, I’ll take care of h—” Taehyung rolls his eyes, “she might be too drunk to talk….okay, I’ll ask her.” Taehyung lowers the phone and faces you.

“y/n.”

“Hm?” you blink lazily, swaying into Taehyungs chest. Oh no. You feel it, you feel the nausea building up in your tummy, making its way up your chest. On a scale of 1 to 10 how dead would you die if you threw up on Taehyung?

“Do you want Jungkook to come pick you up?”

Jungkook? Like, your Jungkook? Unfortunately for you, your eyes gloss over and probably also unfortunate for Taehyung as well as he looks at you with an alarmed expression . You feel sick. You want to go home. You want to sit on your bathroom floor and throw up in the toilet with Jungkook sitting next to you while he hums a soft tune to soothe you.

“Y-Yes.” You murmur shyly, you begin to sniffle and Taehyung begins to panic.

“Okay man yeah come pick her up.”

“want Jungkook…” you say as a few tears spill over. You are trying your hardest to keep the puke down but its threatening to exit your poor drunk body.

“I think she’s gonna be sick so please hurry…” Taehyung rushes to say over the phone before hanging up.

The next few minutes are a blur, you know Taehyung rushes you to the bathroom. He is overly sweet the whole time you see nothing but blurred, spinning images. He holds your hair back as your body threatens to release tonight’s dinner and says comforting words but nothing makes you feel better. The puke won’t make its guest appearance and your whole world is spinning at a inhumane pace. You’re about to give up on life and fall to the bathroom floor of this gross frat house and try to sleep when you hear him.

“Lemme in dude.” It’s Jungkook. You stir from your sleepy state and turn your head towards the door. He barges in, his eyes landing on you and they soften. He immediately falls to the floor to caress the back of your head and you immediately begin to sob. The tears are out of your control as they slide down your cheeks.

“Don’t...don’t...feel good.” You say between wails, gripping desperately onto his shirt.

“I know baby, I know.” He pulls you into his chest, his hand soothingly running up and down your back. “Has she thrown up yet?” Jungkook looks up at Taehyung with expectant eyes. Taehyung is so caught off guard while watching the two of you.

“uh, no.”

“Okay, can you leave us alone for a while?” Jungkook says somewhat harshly then his features soften as he whispers “She will probably be embarrassed later if you saw…”

“Right.” Taehyung says, his worried expression not going unnoticed by Jungkook. Then Taehyung is on his way out, but he turns one last time to get a look at you.

“feel better y/n” then he is out the door, shutting it behind him.

“Okay y/n…remember what you gotta do?”

“finger?” you slur.

“Yup. Put your finger…yes like that,” he says as you begin to push your finger down your throat to get yourself to throw up.

“I promise you’ll feel better.”

You begin gagging on your finger as you finally throw up in the toilet, Jungkook rubbing your back the entire time giving you words of encouragement.

“Good girl, good girl.” He whispers.

Your face is a fucking mess. Your makeup smeared beyond belief. The black streaks from your tears marking your cheeks in the most horrific way. Jungkook watches you as you cry into his lap on the floor, his heart breaking at the sight. He hated when you drank too much and got like this. He should of never left you alone tonight.

“Jungkook?” you choke out, your tears still spilling from your dark eyes.

“Hm?” he responds, his fingers brushing back your hair.

“Did I ruin your night? Or did you still get some?” you chuckle pathetically.

“Don’t worry about that.” He brushes more hair out of your face, he lifts your head up and places it on a towel. He stands to his feet at the sink, reaching for a towelette and running it under warm water.

“Gonna clean your face okay?” he warns softly.

“kay…” you close your eyes when you feel the wet warmth of the towelette on your cheek. Jungkook is careful to clean you delicately, wiping away the makeup and leaving you spotless.

He’s back under you, your head in his lap and his hands back in your hair.

“you told me you were going to be with Jimin tonight yet you were with Taehyung…”

“It just happened like that” you whisper, sleep beginning to take over.

“I was…really worried about you when I didn’t hear from you, stupid.”

You smile at his words, his touch making you melt.

“Ya know, you’re not the only one allowed to get some Jungkook. I can be like you and have sex too if I want.”

“What are you talking about?” his hand stops in your hair.

“Would if I was getting some? That’s why I didn’t answer?”

“Were you?” his voice is low.

“Well, no—”

“Okay good.”

“Why is that good? Hm?” you open your eyes just a little bit, taking in the hazy world. “Wish it was you I was getting it on with?” you say quietly.

“You’re drunk.”

“I wanna go home.”

“take a nap first, okay?” his fingers begin playing in your hair again, “I’ll wake you up in 30 minutes.”

Your eyes are already closed when he says this, sleep already welcoming you in its warm embrace. “Kay” you murmur.

Jungkook plays with your hair as you snooze in his lap, he watches the rise and fall of your chest and wonders what it would be like to lay his head on it and sleep too.

Bbrrrr bbbrrrrr bbrrrr brrrrrr

A phone call. The most horrifying buzzing occurs next to your face as you sleep peacefully in your bed. Wait, how did you get home last night? You remember drinking and dancing the night away, you remember hanging out with Taehyung…oh no, you remember Jungkook coming to the rescue. Oh no...

You try to open your eyes, but the light from the sun is too damn blinding. You squint at what is in view. Right in front of you, you see black locks of hair poking out of the blanket, a dark blue blanket. You recognize this blanket. Jungkook’s blanket. You are in Jungkook’s bed. With Jungkook. This isn’t so surprising, you imagine you had refused to sleep in your own bed last night—

Bbbrrrr bbbrrrr brrrr brrrrr

Right. Your phone.

You fumble the phone trying to pick it up and answer it when Jungkook groans next to you,

“Hurry up and answer it” he says, sliding deeper under the covers.

“Hello?” you croak out, your voice hoarse and honestly? Disgusting.

“Hey y/n!” This voice is way too damn chipper for whatever ungodly hour it is.

“Tae?”

“Good afternoon sleepy head! Did I wake you?” Afternoon? What time is it? You pull the phone away from your face to check the time.

2:06pm

Holy shit, you’ve slept the day away.

“No no,” you lie, “Just in bed…” you say sitting up from where you lay.

“Great! Do you think maybe I could…come over? We can discuss the whole fake dating thing.” He chuckles into the phone. COME OVER? Immediately you begin smoothing down your hair with your free hand and start to peel back the covers to get out of bed.

“Umm, when?” you glance over at sleeping Jungkook, his face mostly hidden behind the blanket.

“Maybe around 6? I could cook you dinner? I know you had a rough night…”

Fucking great. You don’t want to think of last night, you will die of fucking embarrassment.

“yeah…listen, you don’t have to do all that—”

“I want to!” Taehyung is quick to cut you off, “As your boyfriend—fake boyfriend it is my duty to take care of you!” you feel like you can see the boxy smile on his face. It makes you motherfucking swoon.

“Okay then, 6.” You smile into the phone. “Bye tae.”

You bring the phone down into your lap, clicking the end button. Dinner with Taehyung? Like a date? You can’t help but feel internally giddy at the thought. You squeal for a second before Jungkook speaks up.

“What’s at 6?” he peeks from under the covers, his voice husky and groggy.

“Oh… nothing” you sing, a bright smile on your face.

“Something with Tae?” he begins to sit himself up as well.

“We’re just going to have dinner and talk about the whole fake dating thing.” You beam.

“You’re still doing that shit?”

Automatically you go from super excited to annoyed. Only Jungkook can do that to you.

“It’s harmless, Jungkook. Plus…”

“plus what?” he raises a single brow.

“Trina says this is a good opportunity…”

“y/n I have told you not to get too involved with this guy, but you don’t listen to me.” Jungkook crosses his arms over his chest, then bows his head down in defeat.

“But whatever, learn your fucking lessons by yourself.”

You can’t help but feel like Jungkook is once again looking down at you, like you aren’t good enough for Taehyung. Your breaths become unsteady as you just stare at your best friend like he isn’t constantly hurting your feelings on the matter.

“I—I will be fine. I want him, Jungkook. And this is—this is a good opportunity to show him I can be a good enough girlfriend ya know—”

“Just stop.” Jungkook cuts you off in a harsh tone. “I never said you weren’t good enough? You’re just not what he wants.” Jungkook can see how his words break you further. “Fuck. Forget I said that, y/n…”

“Why can’t he want me?”

Jungkook hates just how quietly you ask that…he hates how defeated you sound, how defeated you look…your head hanging low with no attempt to even look at him.

“He’s just…”

“No, it’s fine. Don’t answer that” You stand from the bed and begin walking towards his door. You look down to see you’re wearing nothing but Jungkook’s t shirt and some panties, you groan at your own shamelessness when you hear the rushed ruffling of the comforter behind you and the plop of feet landing on the ground. Jungkook stands behind you, his fingers wrapped around your wrist.

“Just move on y/n…”

I’m fucking trying to, is what you want to say but instead you opt for a harsh ‘leave me alone’ as you exit his room.

You spend the next couple of hours pampering yourself, you had a rough night and you totally deserve a piece of cake, this bubble bath and face mask. You want to feel relaxed but you can’t get the image of Jungkook out of your head. You hate it when the two of you fight. You mean, to others this would hardly come off as a ‘fight’ but you and Jungkook never really have negative energy. So, yes. It’s a fight. He’s the last person in the world you want to fight with. Yet here you are.

But then the image of Taehyung cooking you dinner enters your mind and somehow you feel a little more at ease. Was this a date? You giggle to yourself, blowing bubbles that reaches your lips as you sink deeper into the tub. You have an hour before Taehyung was to arrive at your apartment…your shared apartment. God, you hope Jungkook takes a hint and goes and hangs out with Jimin or something.

You finally rise from the tub and dry off your now freshly cleansed body. The scent of lavender fills the air and you feel satisfied with how your bath turned out.

You read the clock…5:30pm and you know it’s time to get dressed.

You settle for some high waisted shorts and a white tank top with a purple bralette where the straps are generously shown. Looking into the mirror, you decide to do light makeup and tinted lip balm. You don’t want to try too hard for the boy you’re trying to woo.

And bam. 6pm right on the dot you hear the door being lightly knocked. You begin walking towards the front door but stop to see if Jungkook is in his room or not. He’s not. Relief washes over you as you continue to walk towards the front door. But where did he go? You’re relieved he isn’t home but feel anxious that you don’t know where he could have gone. Maybe to Jimin’s? Maybe to some random girls? Somehow this makes you feel more anxious. You shake away those thoughts and swing the front door open.

“Hey there.” Taehyungs boxy grin is enough to get you pregnant. Like, god damn. He looks amazing. He’s got dress pants and some floral shirt and his hair looks slightly wet. That’s not the only thing slightly wet. You internally cringe at your thought.

“Hey Tae, come on in.” you open the door wider to let the boy through. He walks past you and makes himself comfortable in the kitchen, setting down a bag of what you assume is probably groceries.

“You like spaghetti?” he asks excitedly, almost like a child.

“Who doesn’t?” you smirk walking his way and sitting down at the breakfast table. “Need any help?” you offer.

“Not at all.” Taehyung begins unpacking his things and gets to work in the kitchen. You watch in awe, your head nuzzled in your hands as he does his thing.

“Dinner was amazing Tae.” You go to compliment the chef. It really was. The noodles were long and soft and the sauce was very flavorful. Did you really just compliment the length and softness of fucking noodles? Wow, you are whipped. You almost wish Taehyung was your roommate and not useless in the kitchen Jungkook. Oh. Jungkook. The thought of him enters your mind and it has you hurting. You may be having a blast with your crush but you and your best friend are still in the middle of a fight. About said crush. But this really is your chance. You can get Taehyung to like you, maybe even fall for you. And you need this. You need this. So you can’t give up, no matter what Jungkook says.

“Not as amazing as you” Taehyung winks but then his face drops, “Sorry that was cheesy, wasn’t it?” he drags a hand down his handsome face. “I suck at flirting.”

You look up at him, completely intrigued.

“You’re trying to flirt with me?” you can’t help but to smile slyly.

“Of course I am!” Taehyung laughs loudly then reaches for his backpack in the chair next to his and pulls out a notebook.

“So I wrote some ideas for this whole fake dating thing.” He becomes just a tad more serious as a nervous grin lights up his face.

“Oh really? Should I have a look?” you say reaching for the notebook with grabby hands, “Gimme!”

Taehyung chuckles while pulling the notebook to his chest, “No! Miss Greedy.” He teases. “How about I just read them and we can discuss?”

“fine.” You pout, “Whatever you say.”

“Whatever I say? I like the sound of that.” He smirks then his eyes fall to the paper in front of him. “First, we should go on dates…like all the time. The more time we spend together the more believable it’ll be. Ya know?”

“Okay, makes sense. Makes sense.”

“Second, we should attend all parties together and leave together too.” Then his eyes go wide, “I just mean—like don’t worry, I’ll make sure I get you home.”

You can’t help but giggle, nodding your head to his words.

“Third, we should post each other on social media! For example, I can take a picture of tonight’s date and post it on the gram.”

“Tonight was a date?” you ask, a delighted smile making its way on your face.

“Well, yeah…” he answers shyly.

“anything else?” you question, leaning your head in your hands as you look into his big brown eyes.

“Well….. there is one more thing I wrote down….” He answers awkwardly. His eyes sliding to the side to avert your gaze.

“oh? What is it?” you try to take a peek at the paper, curiosity getting the best of you—as usual.

“I’ll just let you read it…” he then pushes the notebook on the table in your direction, you excitedly pick it up and skim the paper. You look at all the things he wrote down, smiling because he even added his own tips.

Buy her flowers.

Movie dates?

Netflix and chill

Cook her dinner

How cute. He even added little doodles. Your eyes continue to skim the page as your smile grows at how much thought he has put into this. Your heart is beating out of your chest…you know this is all fake and for show but you cannot help how happy its making you feel. You continue to smile and hum as your eyes skim lower and lower until you see the last thing on his list.

No Jungkook.

Huh? Your smile begins to falter. No Jungkook? What does that even mean? You look up to meet Taehyungs eyes. He’s already anxiously staring at you.

“I don’t understand?” you breathe out, “What does that mean?”

“No Jungkook.” He half whispers.

“You—you realize he is my best friend? Why no Jungkook?” you pinch your brows together in confusion.

“It’s just…” Taehyung begins to explain himself, “You two are awfully close. And people already get the wrong idea about you two. Like, all the fucking time. Even I think sometimes…that’s not important. It just means for one month, you’re mine. And I don’t want people to get the wrong idea if you’re always with Jungkook.” He pulls at the hair at his neck. “Is this making sense?” Taehyung looks flustered trying to get out all of his words.

“It would make me look pathetic don’t you think? That my supposed girlfriend is always with some other guy? I mean, y/n it’s just for one month…”

One month without Jungkook? Would you really choose a boy over your best friend? Even if only for a month?

“Tae… I don’t know.” You look down at your hands as your breathing begins to pick up.

“I can’t just abandon my best friend for an entire month…”

“I mean, you guys live together so it’s not like you won’t be seeing him. Just in public…ya know?”

Taehyung has a point, you try to reason. If you have a boyfriend it’s only natural to spend most of your time with them. But it still felt wrong. But… a part of you feels like this is a good idea, actually. You’ve always been meaning to put at least some distance between you and Jungkook, ya know, for your own sake. But this feels wrong. You’re about to decline his request when you hear the front door open and Jungkook’s shuffles in. He has his airpods in and doesn’t even spare you a glance. He walks straight to his bedroom and slams the door shut.

You feel embarrassed in front of your guest that your roommate and also yeah, your best fucking friend didn’t even acknowledge you.

“Uh, he’s in a mood” you try covering for Jungkook. Then you feel the buzz of your phone and you go to check it

Jungkook 8:02pm

Watching you fawn over him is just pathetic, but like, good luck.

All you see is red. Jungkook once again shitting on your love life and raining on your god damn parade. You know what? This is your chance with Taehyung and you aren’t going to let your bratty best friend ruin that for you.

“You know what, Tae?” you say setting your phone on the table.

“Yeah?”

“You’re right. I agree with your list.”

“Wait—you do? Even the Jung—”

“Yup.”

Taehyung tilts his head to the side as a wide grin makes its way across his face, “should we shake on it?” he asks with his hand pushed out in front of you.

You take his hand in yours, squeezing tightly before you pull him in and seal the deal with a quick kiss. Taehyung’s shocked expression makes you giggle, “Thought that would make it more official”

“I like having you as a girlfriend already.”

One month without Jungkook? Bring it on.

[janumun]

I imagine being captured by Overblot Malleus would feel like a mixture of sleeping beauty's and Rapunzel's lifes. Like we all know Mal absolutely doesn't want Yuu leaving. This dude is the heir to a dark fae throne, so he likely has some empty buildings or towers around for his uses. Overblot Mal probably locks us in there. And he probably goes extra miles as well. Depending on how resistant we'll be and what exactly the situation is when he overblots, he probably has a little cage in the shape of a coffin he puts us in from some weird, cursed magic mumbo-jumbo (CUZ COFFINS ARE HIS CHARACTER Ill DIE ON THAT HILL. This would work out as a pretty interesting episode/lesson.

Malleus going overblot under extreme corruption of stress and fear of denial from his most important person, Yuu being very concerned for their love interest, going to check on him only to see his room a total mess, when their guard is down Malleus walks out of the shadows to use his magic to put his dear under a sleep spell, putting them in a magic coffin of thorns that protects their being from the intruders he knows will come very soon, Deuce and Ace hearing their friend was kidnapped by the dragon from his the dorm's members, so they have to get some help and save Yuu before Malleus takes over Twisted Wonderland and does something...quite undesirable to his prisoner! :O It'd be curious to see how the group works together to bring down Mal.

Gods I am having so much rot over this (And the potential hentai anime this would make don't look at me I am allowed to dream! Overblot Mal in love is a fucking yandere we all know. Super handsome evil dragon fae man kidnapping his true love and claiming them to show them how pent up his desires became when he met them AAAA >;O).

Your mind and dream are A+++ and valid, Nonny. Your concept of a coffin (?!) for his choice of prison is also stellar. Rescuing Yuu, however. Would they even be able to? 🥰 I don’t think it would be possible, unless the minds of individuals like, say Leona and Azul, could be put together, to use. If they ever agreed to cooperate, that is. That is a delicious brain-rot LOL thank you for sharing.

If it’s any comfort, I think even the usual Malleus has the propensity for darker impulsions. I count him among the few characters in twst, with a nice, untapped yandere potential, were you to ever trip him that way [on purpose, kind of like Mystic Messenger’s bad ends] LOL. Withstanding the delectable fact that any of the boys can be flipped over, under the proper, guiding… circumstances 😌 they’re villains, ahem

How I see fae, in particular; they do not share the same inclinations and morals as humans do, nor are they bound by some of our – what fae consider foolish – ideals.

Also going via canon, you see Lilia far used to, and knowledgeable of the ways of humankind, while Malleus still finds their certain habits odd and fascinating. And when he does, I believe he genuinely cannot fathom why humans do the particular things they do, and often turns to Lilia for his insight on their strange customs.

This is more of a personal thought but I also believe the fae cannot lie, as have been depicted via various fictional iterations, throughout the ages. I immensely enjoyed myself, exploring that particular inhumane aspect of fae, a bit, in a recent spicy Lilia story I posted, but in short, since they are incapable of lies, their quick-witted, devious natures lead them to carving other, effective alternatives. And any who consider their incapability to lie, a spot to exploit, would soon find themselves proved very, very wrong, if not… dead. 😇

They honor and respect one who is true in tongue and spirit. And when one is genuine of heart, and in their love, why ever would they shy away from expressing that love? Among the fae, they value honesty, above all, after all. No pride of his is scarred or belittled in Malleus’ frank display of devotion and adoration towards you, and who is to say there would ever be... inhibitions set into place, or even considered, in his love?

Oh, humans, with their silly little peculiarities 😇

Lilia certainly won’t be one to stand in the way of his precious ward’s first, and only, beloved.

[dendrite-blues]

For a relatively short exchange, this scene is jam packed with characterization for Loki. 

It’s also our first reliable look into what Loki was like before Thor 1. Not as described by others, but first hand and from his own mouth. I think that deserves a closer look, to see what we can learn about Loki and how he thinks.

This scene is significant because it tells us what Loki’s personality is like when he’s not running for his life. It tells us who he was before his trauma and what his core beliefs are underneath those layers of humor and bravado.

Better yet, since he’s alone we can assume that every line in this scene is presumably true, or at least Loki believes it to be true since he has no audience but himself. 

The dialogue centers mostly around the statement “You deserve to be alone, and you always will be.” I’m not going to focus too much on the “alone” motif since I already dedicated an entire meta post to it.

What I think is more interesting about this scene is actually the looping, and the stages Loki goes through in trying to deal with it. There’s a lot of really interesting character traits on display in that progression.

Loop 1: A Warm Bath and Glass of Wine

The first loop entails Sif lecturing Loki about cutting her hair, kicking him in the balls, and storming away. Loki kneels on the floor and he gives us this great line:

“A bad memory prison? How quaint. Some punishment. I remember exactly what I did after that. I went and had a nice, hot bath and a glass of wine, and I never thought about it again. Because it was just a bit of fun.”

So we can take this to be Loki’s default reaction to pain and criticism. When put into an unexpected conflict without any forethought or outside influence, this is what he says/does.

1) Downplay the damage/threat. How quaint. 2) Dispel/soothe the emotion. Nice hot bath. 3) Minimize the impact. Never thought about it again. 4) Deflect responsibility. Just a bit of fun.

Keep those in mind as we move forward, since we’ll be using them to make sense of what else Loki says in this scene.

Loops 2 and 3: Okay, Sif, Hang On

This bit is about Loki realizing just how bad his predicament is.

L: Okay. Okay, Sif. Hang on. S: No, you hear this. You deserve to be alone... And I always will be. L: Alright, I get it. Listen. You are a reconstruction of a past event created by the organization that controls all of time. So you need to trust me and you need to help me escape. Yeah? S: Pathetic. (she kicks him again) L: (winces and groans)

As we all would expect from him, Loki’s first impulse is to try and talk his way out of it. What he says to achieve that goal is pretty revealing though. Because he doesn’t try to ease Sif’s upset by apologizing or explaining or offering to magic her hair back. 

Any of these would have been more likely to save his nads in the given circumstance, right? The present threat is Sif, and she’s mad about what Loki did to her hair. But Loki doesn’t really see that. Rather, he treats her as a means to an end.

“So you need to trust me and you need to help me escape. Yeah?”

To me, that choice reveals something of a blind spot Loki has to the feelings of others. Even if he doesn’t actively like hurting people, he does prioritize their problems below his, and quite shamelessly. And at least on his first impulse, he doesn’t seem to feel much remorse or empathy for them.

Usually in fanon we attribute this callousness to his trauma. He’s learned that no one can be trusted and no one cares, and so he doesn’t allow himself to care for others. 

But between his Loop 1 sentiment of “It was just a bit of fun” for an event which caused real hurt to Sif, and his Loop 2/3 behavior of “you, stop being mad and help ME” I think it’s reasonable to say that selfishness/low empathy are traits Loki possessed pre-trauma.

Loop 4-????: Happens Off Screen

It’s unclear how many times Loki loops while the camera is following Mobius, but the implication is clear that it was been many, many repetitions. Somewhere in this his denial and deflection must break, because we come back to a much humbler, more pleading Loki.

The Final Loop: I Crave Attention

S: You conniving, craven... L: Sif. Sif. S: ...pathetic worm. L: Please, please, no more. Please, I beg you. I'm a horrible person. I get it. I really am. I cut off your hair because I thought it'd be funny. And it's not. Uh... I crave attention... because I'm... a narcissist. And I suppose it's... It's because I'm scared of being alone.

HOOO BOY, so this is quite a tough bit to analyze. There’s a lot of interpretations you could make, and a lot of topics to delve into. For the sake of focus, I’m going to ignore the narcissism question. That one really needs an entire post, and I want to focus on something else here.

That being, Loki’s way of processing conflict/punishment.

I’ve always found it strange how Loki takes such pride in being called a liar and cheat when he simultaneously has this chip on his shoulder about how nobody likes him. 

Those two traits don’t seem to play well together, and I always scratched my head over how they coexist in his character. If he wants people to be nicer to him, maybe he should stop antagonizing them? Yeah?

Well, here we’re finally given a clear reason. Loki craves attention, he hates being alone. So how does he avoid it? Pranks and mischief. 

Fair enough.

But then, if all his pranks lead to this outcome--outrage, retaliation, insult--why doesn’t he ever learn? How is it that after 1000 years of this behavior, he hasn’t found a better way to get the attention he craves? 

Loop 1: Downplay, dispel, minimize, deflect. He accepts zero accountability for the impact of his actions, and doesn’t think at all about how they affect other people. Just a bit of fun. I had a hot bath and a glass of wine, and never thought about it again. 

The only reason he reaches the level of self awareness on display in the Final Loop is because the looping forces him to contemplate his actions and the impulses within him that lead to that behavior.

This is projection on my part, but to me he acts as though this kind of deep reflection is a new thing for him. He sounds like someone sharing a revelation that he’s just had about himself. We’re being shown that Loki is a man of action. He will always move forward if he can, possibly because looking back to so painful that he can’t bring himself to do it.

Circling back around to the pride Loki has for his knavery, let’s suppose that he’s been on this negative reinforcement cycle since childhood. He’s always acted out to get attention, then received retaliation and insults for it, and then pushed the bad feelings out of his mind with creature comforts and mental gymnastics.

What happens over time, when you’re being constantly told that you’re a pain in the ass and no one likes you? Most of us would take it to heart, but Loki doesn’t. He has a big ego, big enough to resist that constant barrage of hate coming at him.

So how does he marry these two conflicting realities? 

He turns it into an identity, the God of Mischief. 

In his head, Loki excuses himself of blame by shifting the culpability to his moniker. It’s not that he’s immature and petty, he’s just a “trickster.” It’s in his nature to cause trouble, so he can’t help it. You wouldn’t dangle a steak in front of a tiger and blame the tiger for striking, would you? And if other people can’t take a “joke” then that’s not his fault, that’s on them for not having a sense of humor. It was just a bit of fun.

Here we see the union of these two halves of Loki, the lonely ice runt and the mischievous scamp. (And a little bit of the original Loki who Thor accused of being incapable of growth!) 

By refusing to think about others, and excusing himself from responsibility, Loki successfully preserves his self worth and insulates himself to most of the negative emotions he experiences.

Pain, embarrassment, and grief aren’t pointless emotions though. They are vital feelings that serve to regulate our behavior, and that push us to conform to the ways of our social circles. Without them, we annoy and upset others. Be annoying for long enough and you will eventually find yourself, well, alone. As Loki is.

Thus “Mischief” is a self-defeating loop, and Loki is just as caught in it as the cell Mobius trapped him in.

In order to be free of both traps, Loki has to stop running. He has to take a deeper look at himself and realize how much he is getting in his own way. The entire scene is one big parallel between these two “loops.” Pretty neat, huh?

Sadly these kinds of thought loops are really difficult to break, they’re buried so deeply in our personalities and habits that we usually don’t notice them until life forces us to address them.

The cell is Loki’s wake up call, and thankfully he does seem to rise to the occasion. He tells Sif quite clearly what his problem is, and he does it with beautiful, painful honesty.

Which is why it’s so fucking awesome for Mobius to acknowledge that, and to finally give Loki a taste of positive attention. 

You don’t deserve to be alone. I believe you can be anything, even something good. Whatever you two did, it was powerful enough to bring this whole place down.

It’s a beautiful scene. Well written, meticulously acted. The clarity of vision in the pacing and shot selection, it’s really something special.

[mars-onthe-moon]

Favourite ship and least favourite ship?

Gravity Falls wise…

My favorite, unfortunately, would be Billdip.

I love both redemption fics and and psychological horror fics. The fact that one ship can do both either at the same time or go completely dif routes I think it pretty interesting/fun. I’m a freakin sucker for demon gone human shiz, then trying to cope (Some Devil’s a part-timer mood). And then enemies to lover’s is *Le chef’s kiss*

Least fav (besides the other rancid ships you can find in this fandom, like seriously wtf) is Dipcifica.

It’s not even because of billdip, I just, idk I always see them as close friends that shit on each other. Though, I’m grown enough to admit that they do have their cannon moments, I’m just not a fan. Also like Mabel and Pacifica! Those girls are perfect. If you’re gonna have a redemption arc (which is gonna have to happen anyway because it’s Pacifica and she’s also horrible) with her and a twin it should be Mabes! They shared a backseat, post-golf battle burrito! Like how you gonna do my girl like that 😭 Is it that I’m incapable of shipping straights?! Maybe?!

But if we’re talking about my fav ship of all time…

It’s Bubbline!

I know its Cannon so some people don’t count it as a ship but like, I grew up with them, even more so then Gravity Falls. I think young-ass me even knew there was something fruity afoot. This was like, before they came out and said it too, only subtle hints. So I kinda shipped them as a little kid (even though shipping wasn’t a popular term and I didn’t really know about gay people, weird right?). It was nice to grow up with them see the changes that allowed their story to finally be cannon.

But confession, even though I write a fanfic and do a lot of ship fanart. Im like… not a huge shipper? I mean, I am, but also like, I usually just do art for Gravity Falls, same with reading fics. I used to read Klance fics with my friend back in highschool, but Klance and Billdip are the extent of my fic library. I guess I’m just goofy like that.

Also fuck Voltron, that show could have been so great. It was good in some aspects but like… looking back on it I’m soooooo bitter 😂 but I can’t get into that.

EDIT: I also meant to say, though I don’t ship it, I appreciate Billford. I’m more of a Ford x McGucket fan myself, but Ford and Bill were fruity with each other and that’s a rock fact you can take to the bank! I don’t ship Billford, because (unless changing the outcome of the entire show) we know how that story ends, so there’s not a lot of room for fluff. When it comes to Bill and ships, I like future redemption ones the best, so therefore we have Dipper instead of Ford.

[aseioh]

Of Cakes and Late Celebrations

Author’s Notes: This was supposed to be posted on Mother's day. But just like this fic, I got derailed and ended up being late. (picture taken from the internet)

It was Mother's day.

Or to be precise it will be Mother's day in 15 hours 25 minutes. It shouldn't be a problem for Alcina, she usually just buys something from the Duke to give to Mother Miranda.

Unfortunately, such a thing is not possible right now. The Duke was delayed with his routine arrival at the castle opening, something about a spooked horse and lycans trying to get a nibble.

Honestly she lost interest after the word delayed was spoken through the phone. How is she going to remedy this. The gift itself was one of the finest silk she was able to obtain, she was sure Mother would appreciate a new ritual robe.

This is bad. To show up without a gift on this special day. She was sure she would be made a mockery during the gathering. Whats worst was that fool Heisenberg would be the first to lead with his pathetic insults.

Just the thought made Alcina's blood boil.

”I should send Bela to switch that man's shampoo with dog shampoo. Although the man still smells like wet dog. No. I'll think of something more devious.“

But back to the matter at hand. It's almost Mother's day and she doesn’t have a gift. Taking a deep drag off her cigarette, she considers her dwindling options.

At western part of the village

Donna is also facing a similar problems.

"What do you mean you're not coming?! Where am I supposed to find a present at this hour?!" Angie's raspy voice filtered through the phone "do you know how hard it is to find a 1st edition book on occult and rituals."

"Apologies Miss Angie, but the horse spooked and the carriage suffered a broken wheel. Even if the servants manage to haul themselves your house to the Duke's location and back it would still be too late." The main servant said trying to sound as apologetic as he can come across.

"This would not do" Donna said finally in her normal voice.

Somewhere inside the Stronghold.

Karl Heisenberg was having a meltdown.

"YOU STUPID LYCANS! I GAVE YOU ONE JOB AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN DO IT RIGHT!!" Heisenberg paces around the small assembly hall. Ten Lycans looked very apologetic, although it was very hard to tell from their looks. One even lets out a soft whimper.

“I told you to stall The Duke for a while. I didn’t said to derail him completely. The man has a package for me, now how am I supposed to get it!?” Heisenberg seethes.

His plan was a simply one really. Stall The Duke so that he would arrive at Castle Dimitrescu late, that way Alcina would not get her package and present it to Mother Miranda. That would show her, a little payback for calling him a child.

What he didn’t count on was the utter incapability of the Lycans to follow simple directions. Now even he doesn’t have a gift. Oh Miranda’s gonna blow a gasket.

“Augh... I hate the consequences of my actions” He lamented

 At Moreau’s Reservoir

“NOOOOOOO!! That’s not fair, that’s not fair!!!” Moreau starts throwing his stuff on the floor. He had finally saved up his money to buy Mother Miranda that nice jewelry that would go perfectly with her black wings.

“Someone’s gonna pay” He vows to take revenge on the Lycans responsible for his problem.

 After all his pet fish has been hungry for some Lycan meat.

 Castle Dimitrescu (13 hours until Mother’s day)

“I have gathered you here today for a very important meeting” Alcina starts looking at the sad (Donna) and tearful (Moreau) faces of her so called ‘siblings’. Heisenberg is surprisingly calm which puts Alcina on high alert, but lets it slide in favour of the more pressing matter

“We have a big problem. The Duke will not arrive on time for Mother’s Day. That means all the presents we bought for Mother will not arrive”

“We need a solution, any ideas?”  

“We kill the Lycans responsible and feed them to my fish”

“Yes Moreau, but that’s after we solve this problem” Donna said and tries to placate a Moreau by patting him at the back.

“Whoa, that’s a bit dark but I like it. And Moreau is right, we’re gonna make fish food out of those Lycans” “Better off those basdards, after all I don’t want to implicate myself” Heisenberg thinks

“People, you’re missing the point here” Alcina says pinching her nose to ward off an incoming headache. “Listen, we don’t have time. You know Mother Miranda, She’ll say she wasn’t really expecting something and then low-key punishes us for missing the day. We don’t want a repeat of the 1967 incident do we?”

Moreau whimpers from the trauma.

Donna goes into a slight trance and starts to shake.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough” Heisenberg stands. “Why don’t we just bake something and say it’s from all of us”

 *beat*

“Do you know how to bake?”

“I work at the Factory, I make steel molds for a living how hard could it be?”

“That doesn’t answer my question Heisenberg”

“We could make a small doll” Donna pipes up

“Sorry Donna that would still take time. And I don’t think we have the right materials on such short notice.” Alcina says

“For someone who’s looking for a solution you sure are shooting down all of them”

“Because it’s not feasible Heisenberg.” Alcina huffs “Can you gather all the materials in less than 10 hours? No? Of course not”

“And I keep telling you just BAKE A CAKE!”

“I don’t know how to bake, child! I’m a BLOODY COUNTESS not hired help” Alcina bellows at Heisenberg

“I know how to bake”

Everyone turns to Donna.

“Really?”

“Of course, I used to watch my Mother bake cakes before the accident. I just need help decorating. I never got a hang of that part” Donna beams with pride as she explains the basics of baking

“And we can gather the ingredients no problem. You have a pantry here somewhere right Alcina?” Moreau asked

“Of course. We always have a full pantry for the servants.” At that Heisenberg looks at Alcina with a hint of disbelief

“What? We need them healthy to serve us. I’m not a complete monster.” Alcina defends

“In any case we should start early. It takes time to cool and decorating is hard”

 Castle Kitchen (12 hours 30 minutes before Mother’s Day)

It was truly a sight to see. In a way it was enough for the Castle’s servants to wet themselves in fear when they saw the 4 Lords gathered at the kitchen in various forms of concentration. Needless to say, everyone was warned to steer clear of the kitchen for now.

Moreau was together with Donna supporting her with mixing the wet ingredients. Meanwhile, at the other side of the cooking station Alcina and Heisenberg are charge of measuring out the dry ingredients.

“You need to be precise, don’t put too much. Remember what Donna said and look at the damn recipe”

“I know what I’m doing you damn woman. I’m all about precision. Why don’t you move away and get that mixing bowl at the top shelf.” Heisenberg grouched

“I’m not your servant. And I certainly will not start fetching stuff for you” Alcina shot back

“Alcina, we need to work together. We don’t have time and you’re the tallest of us all. Please cooperate with Karl just this once. Please?” Donna implored

“Once. I’m helping him for this one time only. When I get my hands on the Lycan responsible for this problem, I’m gutting him and throwing him at Moreau’s reservoir.” At Donna’s admonishment of Alcina, Heisenberg gives a shit eating grin, showing some rather very pointy canines.

“And Heisenberg, stop provoking Alcina.” Donna adds

“Fine, you’re no fun Donna”

Suffice to say, the baking went well. Who knew that the 4 Lords working together would be a great success? If only Mother Miranda saw her children working together peacefully she might have had a heart attack and thought that she suffered one as well.

Or she might have been dreaming.

 Castle Kitchen (6 hours before Mother’s Day)

“Alright, the cake has cooled down completely, So what color will be the icing?” Donna asked

“Yellow” “Cream” “Light Blue” the other three said simultaneously.

 *beat*

“Light blue? Really? Not everything needs to be manly Heisenberg”

“And not everything needs to be boring like your color, Alcina”

“It should be yellow, like Mother’s sunny smile” Moreau explains

“And in which ever universe has Mother ever smiled like the sun?” Heisenberg counters Moreau

“Hey now. No need for that tone!”

“Tsk, sorry Moreau” Heisenberg apologizes to a quiet Moreau

“Fine, let’s do pastel yellow it’s easier for the eyes anyway” Donna supplies, getting ready to start coating the cake with the yellow cream

 Inside the Sanctuary

“Happy Mother’s day”

“We hope you like the cake Mother”

“Yes, we poured out our love in baking it. I hope you appreciate it” Heisenberg said

“Why thank you loves. This is a wonderful surprise. And Moreau said that you all worked together in baking it. How wonderful!” Mother Miranda said grateful for once that her children worked together without collateral damage (that she knew of).

“Although Heisenberg, I heard something interesting from Urias” Mother Miranda looks pointedly at Heisenberg, who for some reason starts to sweat and turn pale.

‘oh shit’ “Really Mother? Good news I hope” Heisenberg tries to bluff his way out.

“Why it was quite peculiar really. He said that you got 10 of his Lycans for a special project. I wasn’t aware that you have some side projects”

 The 3 Lords turn to Heisenberg

“Wait what?”

“I KNEW IT!!” Alcina unsheathes her claws

“You’re responsible for this mess in the first place!!”

“Really guy relax, if anything I just proved that we need more than one traveling merchant in the village for a successful and on time delivery” Heisenberg starts to carefully ease his way to the nearest exit.

 “GET HIM”

In the end, Alcina was more than ready to feed Heisenberg to Moreau’s pet fish. Only Donna stopped her, citing Moreau would probably be inconsolable if his pet got indigestion from all the metal.

And that is how Heisenberg saw himself in doggy jail for a week along with his Lycan cohorts. Mother Miranda did get her Mother’s day gifts from her children although a bit later than expected.

 And the cake?

 The cake was surprisingly delicious.

[todomitoukei]

Japanese vs. English Todoroki - A 302 Comparison

After chapter 301 gave us a bit of Touya’s backstory, this chapter continues giving us some flashbacks as well as the conversation between the Todofam in the present time with plenty of questionable lines! Just like with 301, we’ll take a look at every line from this chapter so this is another lengthy post...

「今後は焦凍を他の子らと一切近付けさせないことにする。」

「今後 ; kongo 」-> from now on; hereafter

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「焦凍 ; shouto 」-> Shouto

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「他 ; hoka 」-> other

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「子ら ; kora 」-> children

「と ; to 」-> with

「一切 ; issai 」-> absolutely not; without exception

「近付けさせない ; chikadzukesasenai 」-> won’t let someone near someone else

「ことにする ; koto ni suru 」-> to decide on

= “I’ve decided that from now on, I will absolutely not let Shouto near the other kids.”

The official translation says that “we” are keeping the kids away from Shouto. While the Japanese line doesn’t include the pronoun for “I” it makes a lot more sense to go with that since Rei didn’t exactly have much of a say in anything, so whether or not she agreed to this isn’t even important. The point is, Endeavor made this decision.

This was most likely right after Touya tried to attack little Shouto so a direct continuation of the last flashback from chapter 301.

「俺は仕事でずっと面倒を見るわけにはいかんその為の使用人を雇った。おまえも燈矢から目を離すな。」

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「仕事で ; shigoto 」-> attending work

「ずっと ; zutto 」-> continuously; straight

「面倒を見る ; mendou o miru 」-> to look after someone

「わけにはいかん ; wake niwa ikan 」-> cannot afford to

「その ; sono 」-> that

「為 ; tame 」-> sake; purpose

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「使用人 ; shiyounin 」-> servant; employee

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「雇った ; yatotta 」-> hired

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「も ; mo 」-> also; too

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「から ; kara 」-> from

「目を離すな ; me o hanasuna 」-> don’t take one’s eyes off

= “I am attending work. I can’t afford to continuously look after him, for that sake I hired a servant. Don’t you take your eyes off Touya, either.”

The na at the end of me o hanasuna is a negative command to say “don’t do” I’m not sure how exactly Rei is supposed to not take her eyes off Shouto and Touya when they are kept apart from each other, but what do we expect anyway? Also, keep in mind that Touya is 8 years older than Shouto and has been training on his own for around 4 years at this point without his parents being able to stop him. Of course, Endeavor is not going to be the Number One Hero if he can’t even stop his own child from doing whatever he wants. How are two adults not able to handle one tiny child??

「。。。あの子はあなたに見てほしいんだよ。」

「あの ; ano 」-> that

「子 ; ko 」-> child

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「に ; ni 」-> by; from

「見て ; mite 」-> to look

「ほしい ; hoshii 」-> to want

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “...That child wants you to look at him.”

The “that’s all” in the official translation is a good way to capture the nuance of nda yo. 

「。。。俺はヒーローの世界しか。。。見せられないよ。」

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「ヒーロー ; hiro 」-> hero

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「世界 ; sekai 」-> world

「しか ; shika 」-> only

「見せられない ; miserarenai 」-> to see (potential negative) *shika requires the verb to be in the negative form

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “I can only show him the hero world.”

Shika is usually used in a negative context, so an alternative translation would be “I can’t show him anything but the hero world.”

Anyway, I absolutely love (sarcasm) when people try to claim that Endeavor was a loving family man who just didn’t know how to express his love even though it’s so obvious that he couldn’t be bothered to try and be an actual father. Saying that he can only show him the hero world is just a lazy excuse, similar to him telling Touya that he’s ignoring him “for his own good” - none of those are in any way helpful or something that a child could understand. Instead, it only signals that Endeavor doesn’t care. No one is born a perfect parent nor is anyone expected to be one, but a good parent would try to do a good job and not neglect their child because they are incapable of being a parent. It’s also like he pretends that only the hero Endeavor exists and that he isn’t anyone outside of that. He’s a hero and nothing else (unfortunately, he isn’t really a hero, either, though). The problem with separating the hero from the person behind the hero is taking away the responsibility and sort of using the hero persona as a shield. Instead of recognizing that he failed as a parent, he is acting as though he doesn’t exist outside of his hero job and thus doesn’t have any responsibilities outside of work. That is how he also ends up blaming Rei for everything that happens rather than acknowledging that this is all his fault.

「ヒーロー？　逃げてるだけじゃないの。。。」

「ヒーロー ; hiro 」-> hero

「逃げてる ; nigeteru 」-> running away; escaping

「だけ ; dake 」-> only

「じゃない ; janai 」-> aren’t

「の ; no 」-> explanatory question marker

= “Hero? Aren’t you just running away…?”

This is a fantastic line and it’s nice to see her call him out, however, it also just makes no sense when later on in this exact chapter, we see Rei - in the present time - now being a lot nicer to him and supporting him instead of calling him out for being at fault for what happened to Touya.

「燈矢兄遊ぼー！！」

「燈矢兄 ; touya nii 」-> Touya-Nii

「遊ぼー ; asobo- 」-> let’s play

= “Touya-Nii, let’s play-!!”

「おお」

「おお ; oo 」-> Oh

= “Oh.”

Something I want to point out about this panel is that we see two desks here. Do they have a computer room? Do Touya and Natsuo share a room? While there are plenty of books on Touya’s desk, the one next to him has a couple of action figures on it. Though it’s hard to determine who those action figures are supposed to be, it would be absolutely hilarious if they just had a bunch of All Might figurines that they placed around the house to piss off Endeavor.

「焦凍見るな。兄さん（アレ）らはおまえとは違う世界の人間だ。」

「焦凍 ; shouto 」-> Shouto

「見るな ; miruna 」-> don’t look

「兄さんら ; niisanra 」-> older brothers

「アレ ; are 」-> that person

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「とは ; to wa」-> topic marker with added emphasis to the topic

「違う ; chigau 」-> different

「世界 ; sekai 」-> world

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「人間 ; ningen 」-> human

「だ ; da 」-> be

= “Don’t look, Shouto! Your brothers (they) are people of a different world.” 

Here, we have a sentence where the Furigana (= what the character says) read as are and don’t match with the Kanji (= what the character actually means), which read niisan.The ra at the end of niisanra is a pluralizer, just like tachi (ra is more informal). These pluralizers can be translated as something like “group” to say something like “the group of which your older brother is a part of.” It’s interesting that he says this, though, since the word kyoudai (=siblings) exists, which would better include all of Shouto’s siblings. Adding ra to the word Niisan (=older brother) rather than using a more neutral term like kyoudai then sort of adds emphasis to the older brother. This would be a great moment to joke that this is where Touya got his sexism from since Endeavor can’t even be bothered to mention that Shouto also has a sister here. But, I think this “group of which your older brother is a part of” refers to Touya specifically for a different reason. Natsuo himself has mentioned that Endeavor never even acknowledged him and instead he was tossed aside right away. And while Fuyumi is the one shown to be closest with Endeavor in the present time, that's only because Endeavor relies on her since she more or less replaced Rei in her mother role. But back then, she was probably just as ignored as Natsuo. That makes it feel like even here when saying “your siblings are in a different world” he is referring to Touya being a failure and thus not being part of the hero world, while not even acknowledging Natsuo’s or Fuyumi’s existence at all.

「いっかいだけでいいから燈矢兄たちと遊ばせて。」

「いっかい ; ikkai 」-> one time; one round; one game

「だけで ; dake de 」-> just

「いいから ; ii kara 」-> listen up

「燈矢兄たち ; touya nii tachi 」-> Touya-Nii and the others

「と ; to 」-> with

「遊ばせて ; asobasete 」-> let (someone) play (command)

= “Listen, let me play with Touya-Nii and the others, just one time!”

Ii kara is an expression used at the start of a command sentence for emphasis.

As mentioned before, tachi is a pluralizer and it’s similar to saying “Touya-Nii and the others” which is important for two reasons. One, this indicates that there were no further incidents where Touya tried to attack Shouto, since the latter doesn’t show any fear or resentment towards Touya, probably not knowing about the incident at all. And two, it really feels like Shouto is looking up to big bro Touya here. The oldest child - the head of the kids, if you will - and all Shouto wants is to hang out with this awesome brother of his. It’s not clear whether he knows that Touya used to be trained too or not, but either way, Shouto emphasizes Touya here and I’m glad the official translation included it like this, too!

「ダメだ出力訓練だ。」

「ダメ ; dame 」-> no good

「だ ; da 」-> be

「出力 ; schutsuryoku 」-> output

「訓練 ; kunren 」-> training

「だ ; da 」-> be

= “It’s no good. It’s output training.”

As mentioned later on in the chapter, Endeavor only ever taught Touya how to increase his flames and not how to decrease them. So I assume that “output training” is just that - training Shouto to increase his flames.

I’ve seen some people claim that the panel we get of Touya is him looking at Shouto in some evil or jealous way, but it’s more realistic to assume he’s looking at Endeavor, especially when looking at the part that comes right after. ALSO, please look at Natsuo in that panel. 

He looks so worried as he’s realizing that he’s about to hit Touya-Nii in the face with the ball. You think Touya manipulated Natsuo? Actually, Natsuo physically abused Touya :/ (this is sarcasm). This is also the part where, in the anime, Touya just falls down and Natsuo and Fuyumi laugh at him. No wonder he ended up as a villain. Bullied by everyone in his family, the poor kid...

「そりゃああの時は俺が悪かったよ。。。！！焦凍に罪はなかったもの。。。でもお父さんも悪かったんだよ！　俺たちは失敗作だから相手にされないすごいよな。。。要らない子をつくってこれが現代ヒーローなんだぜ。」

「そりゃあ ; soryaa 」-> well; that is to say (interjection, form of それは)

「あの ; ano 」-> that

「時 ; toki 」-> time; occasion

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「悪かった ; warukatta 」-> was at fault; was in the wrong; was to blame

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle 

「焦凍 ; shouto 」-> Shouto

「に ; ni 」-> for

「罪 ; tsumi 」-> fault; responsibility

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「なかった ; nakatta 」-> wasn’t

「もの ; mono 」-> sentence ending particle used to indicate reason/excuse/dissatisfaction

「でも ; demo 」-> but

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「も ; mo 」-> also; too

「悪かった ; warukatta 」-> was at fault; was in the wrong; was to blame

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

「俺たち ; oretachi 」-> we

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「失敗作 ; shippaisaku 」-> failed creative work; flop

「だから ; dakara 」-> because

「相手にされない ; aite ni sarenai 」-> don’t associate with; take notice of (passive)

「すごい ; sugoi 」-> terrible

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

「な ; na 」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation

「要らない ; iranai 」-> not needed

「子 ; ko 」-> children

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「くって ; tsukutte 」-> making

「これ ; kore 」 - > this

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「現代 ; gendai 」-> modern era; nowadays

「ヒーロー ; hiro 」-> hero

「なんだ ; nanda 」-> explanatory particle

「ぜ ; ze 」-> emphasis particle

= “Well, that time I was to blame. Shouto wasn’t at fault. But dad was also to blame! We’re failed creative works, so we aren’t being associated with. Terrible, isn’t it… making children they don’t need. Is this the modern era hero?”

We know that Touya attacked Shouto when Shouto was a relatively fresh baby, but here Touya is 13, so this is roughly 5 years after that incident and yet Touya is still thinking about it and still feeling guilty about it, too. It’s also obvious that he never properly spoke with either one of his parents about this since a parent would then sit him down and help him work through these feelings of guilt. Then again, not his parents! Maybe he did tell them this before too and he didn’t get any reaction from it. It’s also sad how well he understands the whole situation and how much critical thinking he has (more than most of the fandom!), questioning how someone like Endeavor can be considered a hero when he isn’t even a decent person to his own family.

「たまには姉ちゃんことで言ったら。。。？」

「たまに ; tamani 」-> occasionally; once in a while

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「姉ちゃん ; neechan 」-> big sister

「こと ; koto 」-> phrase nominalizer

「で ; de 」-> with; via

「言ったら ; ittara 」-> if you said/told

= “If you told big sister one in a while…?”

This one sounds a bit strange when just doing a direct translation since this is one of those cases where the rest of the sentence is omitted because this part is enough to understand what he’s trying to say. 

The one compliment I always have to give Horikoshi is managing to write very believable sibling dynamics/interactions. Also, I can’t help but wonder whether they are sharing a room (which doesn’t really make sense considering they live in a large house) or if these two just like to have sleepovers (I prefer this theory).

「夏くんまで俺をたしなめるのか！？やめてくれ！夏くんしか理解できないから話してるのに！！わかるだろ家の女は皆だめだめなだ！」

「夏くん ; natsu kun」-> Natsu-Kun

「まで ; made 」-> even

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「たしなめる ; tashinameru 」-> to chide; to rebuke; to reprove

「のか ; noka 」-> question marker particle seeking an explanation

「やめてくれ ; yametekure 」-> quit - asking for a favor (やめて + くれ)

「夏くん ; natsu kun」-> Natsu-Kun

「しか ; shika 」-> only (with neg. verb)

「理解できない ; rikai dekinai 」-> able to understand/comprehend/sympathize (negative form because of shika)

「から ; kara 」-> because; therefore

「話してる ; hanashiteru 」-> speaking; talking

「���に ; noni 」-> even though (used when complaining to someone)

「わかる ; wakaru 」-> to understand

「だろ ; daro 」-> right; I think

「家 ; uchi 」-> one’s family; one’s home

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「女 ; onna 」-> woman

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「皆 ; minna 」-> all

「だめだめな ; dame dame na 」-> entirely useless

「だ ; da 」-> be

= “Even you are chiding me, Natsuo-Kun!? Please stop! I’m talking to you because you are the only one who can understand me, Natsu-Kun!! You understand that the women in this family are entirely useless, right!”

The kure at the end of yametekure is used when asking a favor from someone, in this case, Touya is essentially asking Natsuo to please stop.

I know a lot of people said this is somehow manipulative and sexist?! About the sexist part: this is literally just a way for him to sum up that he’s talking about Fuyumi and Rei, which makes sense, considering he is not allowed to talk to Shouto, and obviously he can’t talk to Endeavor, either, which means the only remaining candidates he is able to talk to are Natsuo, Fuyumi, and Rei. Since he is talking to Natsuo, that only leaves Fuyumi and Rei (= the women in the family). It’s not that deep. It’s not like he said “they don’t understand because they are women” he just said “the women in this family are useless” which is an understandable feeling. While we don’t know exactly how his conversations with Fuyumi were like during this time, we know that Fuyumi is more on the neutral side in the present time and later on in this chapter, she even admits to having turned a blind eye in the past. And the next scene shows us why Touya thinks his mom is useless, too. He has legitimate reasons to view them as useless because neither of them acknowledged his feelings or listened to him properly. So no, he isn’t sexist he just uses this term instead of saying “Fuyumi and mom”.

And about the manipulative part - I’m not sure if some of you don’t have siblings? You are allowed to vent to your siblings. Also, let’s not forget that Touya is a drama queen, so him being a little dramatic here is just him being himself. More importantly, though, Natsuo is the only one that listens to him, so of course, he’s worried when the one person that he feels understood by tells him to talk to someone who doesn’t understand him. Not to mention the fact that Touya didn’t exactly grow up in an environment that taught him how to properly handle his feelings, which is the core problem in his life, so if he doesn’t perfectly articulate his feelings then remember that his parents never taught him any better.

「待ってまたお山に行く気でしょ。。。！たまにはクラスメイトと遊んでみたり。。。」

「待って ; matte 」-> to wait

「また ; mata 」-> again

「お山 ; oyama 」-> mountain

「に ; ni 」-> to

「行く気 ; iku ki 」-> feel like going

「でしょ ; desho 」-> it seems; right?

「たまに ; tamani 」-> occasionally; once in a while

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「クラスメイト ; kurasumeito 」-> classmates

「と ; to 」-> with

「遊んでみたり ; asondemitari 」-> try to do things like playing

= “Wait, you feel like going to the mountain again, right…! Once in a while, try to do things like playing with your classmates and…”

「友だちなんかいらない！世界が違う！」

「友だち ; tomodachi 」-> friends

「なんか ; nanka」-> make light off something

「いらない ; iranai 」-> don’t need

「世界 ; sekai 」-> world

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「違う ; chigau 」-> different

= “I don’t need friends! The worlds are different!”

Obviously, he has adapted this mindset from Endeavor. Thinking that heroes live in their own world and are somehow different - better - than anyone else. Being a hero in the bnha universe isn’t about anything heroic in most cases, but rather it’s about status and being a superior person. Sure, not every hero is as cruel to people as Endeavor, but even the other heroes believe that some people are worthier than others. In a way, they really are in a different world because they have the power to decide who to save and who isn’t worth saving, even though none of them are able to recognize this. To some people, though, like Endeavor or Touya, these different worlds are very clearly there.

「燈矢おまえ。。。本当にヒーローになりたいの？」

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「本当に ; hontou ni 」-> really

「ヒーロー ; hiro 」-> hero

「になりたい ; ni naritai 」-> want to become

「の ; no 」-> question marker particle seeking an explanation

= “Touya, you… do you really want to become a hero?”

「お母さんには。。。お父さんに縛られて苦しんでる様に見える。。。燈矢。。。世界は沢山あって選択肢は無数にあるの。お父さんだけじゃないもっと外を見て。。。！その中で本当になりたい自分を見つけてほし。。。」

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「には ; niwa 」-> as for

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「に ; ni 」-> by

「縛られて ; shibararete 」-> to tie, to bind; to restrict (freedom)(passive)

「苦しんでる ; kushinderu」-> suffering

「様に見える ; you ni mieru 」-> seems like

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「世界 ; sekai 」-> world

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「沢山 ; takusan 」-> many

「あって ; atte 」-> to be; to exist

「選択肢 ; sentakushi 」-> choices; alternatives; options

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「無数 ; musuu 」-> countless

「に ; ni 」-> to

「ある ; aru 」-> to be; to exist

「の ; no 」-> explanatory particle

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「だけ ; dake 」-> only

「じゃない ; janai 」-> isn’t

「もっと ; motto 」-> even more

「外 ; soto 」-> other place

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「見て ; mite 」-> look

「その中で ; sono naka de 」-> therein

「本当に ; hontou ni 」-> really

「なりたい ; naritai 」-> want to become

「自分 ; jibun 」-> oneself

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「見つけて ; mitsukete 」-> to discover; to find

「ほし ; hoshi 」-> want

= “To mom… it seems like you are suffering and being tied down by your father… Touya… There are many worlds, there are countless choices. Look more outside, there isn’t just your father…! I want you to find out who you really want to become therein.”

See, she can’t really blame him for becoming Dabi when she literally tells him he should find out who he wants to become. He only took her advice...

「お母さんが何を知ってんだよ！？啓発本でも読んだのかよ。。。！？」

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「何 ; nani 」-> what

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「知ってん ; shitten 」-> knowing

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

「啓発 ; keihatsu 」-> enlightenment; development

「本 ; hon 」-> books

「でも ; demo 」-> ...or something

「読んだ ; yonda 」-> was reading

「なのか ; nanoka 」-> question marker particle seeking an explanation

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “What do you know, mom!? Were you reading some enlightenment books or something…!?”

Once again, the official translation makes him talk in the weirdest way. We get it, he speaks informally. But no one talks like that. Please stop. Also, while the official translation only called this a “self-help book” keihatsu is defined as the act of teaching and leading others by teaching knowledge and awareness and is based on a saying from the Analects of Confucius about teaching only those who have the desire to learn and struggle to express themselves with words. There’s another word for enlightenment in Japanese, keimou, which is defined as being about teaching people the answer, whereas keihatsu is about leading people to think about the answer themselves.

Again, in a way, Rei did lead him to think about what his answer to “find out who you want to become” is so it’s somewhat fitting since she didn’t explicitly tell him who to become.

I’m sure Rei hasn’t actually read any enlightenment books, but I’m sure Touya has (that and parental books, probably). Smart boy!

「おばあちゃん達が貧乏してたからお母さんを売ったんだろ。お母さんはそうするしかなかったんだろ。」

「おばあちゃん達 ; obaachantachi 」-> grandma and the others

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「貧乏してた ; binbou shiteta 」-> was poor

「から ; kara 」-> therefore

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「売ったん ; uttan 」-> was sold

「だろ ; daro 」-> right?

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「そうする ; sousuru 」-> to do so

「しかなかった ; shikanakatta 」-> had no choice but~

「んだろ ; ndaro 」-> right?

= “Grandma and the others were poor, so they sold mom, right? Mom had no choice but to do it, right?”

Remember how in chapter 301 I said that the first flashback seemed more like a business transaction? Well, well, well. Of course, just because Touya says that Rei was sold doesn’t mean that she was actually sold, but I do think that she was sold in the sense that Endeavor is providing for her family, which would also explain why they are never seen visiting Rei (aside from the fact that this story isn’t about her and they are just not important) since they are financially depending on Endeavor and thus don’t want to get into any sort of fights with him that would possibly result in him not providing for them anymore.

Again, it’s sad that a 13-year-old is already aware of these circumstances.

「燈。。。」

「燈 ; tou 」-> Tou

= “Tou…”

「だから俺が生まれたんだろ。。。！？お母さんも加担してんだよ。」

「だから ; dakara 」-> therefore

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「生まれた ; umareta 」-> was born

「んだろ ; daro 」-> right?

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「も ; mo 」-> also; too

「加担してん ; katan shite 」-> being complicit

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “That’s why I was born, right…!? You’re also complicit, mom.”

Honestly, he looks so hurt there. Some people like to claim that he was too harsh or whatever, but he basically just poured his heart out to her and told her that she can’t understand his pain - which is true - and it’s so sad to think about how long he must have had this thought already at that point. Again, he is thirteen. That’s a tough age for most people as it is, and when your own family doesn’t listen to you or understand you that makes it even worse.

Another thing to note is the sweat drops on his face. As we learn on the next page, when his emotions increase, so does his fire, so it’s likely that by yelling at his mom and getting angry, his body temperature was rising, thus making him sweat. This also matches with the line that comes right after:

「火が。。。。消えないんだよ」

「火 ; hi 」-> fire

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「消えない ; kienai 」-> won’t go out

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “The fire... won’t go out.”

Again, this could refer to the fact that a literal fire is lit inside of him as he’s more emotional right now.

「燈矢」

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

= “Touya.”

This conversation is similar to two other conversations we’ve seen so far: First, Rei gives him the exact same “advice” that Endeavor has given Touya before: “Make some friends. There are more worlds than just the hero world!” and then, Rei also tells Touya that there isn’t just Endeavor, similar to how she told Shouto “You aren’t bound by his blood.” So why did these two things not work on Touya?

The first piece of advice doesn’t work because it pretty much ignores Touya’s feelings, problems, and goals. He wants to be a hero, but his father won’t let him. Similar to how his own father couldn’t just give up on his dream of being a Number One Hero, thus starting a family and his little eugenics project, Touya can’t just give up on his dream of becoming a hero. To him, it’s not even necessarily about being a hero - it’s about proving himself to his father, to have his father say “I’m glad you were born” instead of just ignoring him and only focusing on his new masterpiece, Shouto.

The second advice worked on Shouto, so why didn’t it work on Touya? Well, the two of them are the same, but they are also opposites. Shouto has only ever had negative feelings towards Endeavor since he had to witness him hit his mom and terrify his siblings. Shouto always wanted to be a hero, but he didn’t want to become like Endeavor. Shouto said that he wants to make people feel at ease, and he knows that Endeavor doesn’t make his own family feel that way, so clearly becoming like him would mean not becoming the kind of hero Shouto wants to be. So by Rei telling him that he isn’t bound by Endeavor’s blood, she’s reassuring him that he can be independent from Endeavor and doesn’t have to be like him. 

So how is Touya different? Touya always wanted to be a hero, but more importantly, he wanted to be good enough in his father’s eyes because unlike Shouto, he saw the “good” days of his family. While Endeavor never unconditionally loved him like a parent should, to a kid love is love and all that matters is getting their parents’ attention. Touya had that, but then suddenly was only met with excuses of “We can’t train anymore for your own good!” which doesn’t really help a child understand why they are now being ignored. While Shouto didn’t want to become Endeavor nor did he want to be around him, all Touya ever wanted was for his father to be proud of him and view him as worthy. So of course telling him there are more worlds than just Endeavor couldn’t possibly be helpful, because how can you expect a child to just not crave their parent’s love anymore?

「早生まれの小さな身体に漸く訪れ始めた二次性徴」

「早生まれ ; hayaumare 」-> someone born between January 1 and April 1

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「小さな ; chiisana 」-> small

「身体 ; karada 」-> body

「に ; ni 」-> at

「漸く ; youyaku 」-> finally; at last

「訪れ始めた ; otozurehajimeta 」-> begin to appear

「二次 ; niji 」-> secondary

「性徴 ; seichou 」-> sexual characteristics

= “Secondary sexual characteristics finally begin to appear in the small body of someone born early in the year.”

Of course, we are all surprised that “Touya was always small because he came out of the oven a little early” isn’t a literal translation.

Hayaumare is a term that describes someone born between January 1 and April 1, since the school year in Japan starts in April and kids start going to school at age 6 and so kids born between January and April will be the youngest in their class, sometimes almost a year younger than their oldest classmates. Shouto is also a hayaumare since he is also born in January, thus one of the youngest in class 1-A. So while this doesn’t mean that he was born prematurely, he would just seem smaller in comparison to his classmates since there is still so much development happening during that time. Obviously, that doesn’t explain why he was so much shorter than Natsuo. While it’s true that Natsuo is the kid that most resembles Endeavor in appearance, Rei is also pretty tall and I believe even now taller than Dabi. I think that overall, this is more to amplify that Touya has a weak body.

Also, this is clearly a great moment for him to develop secondary sexual characteristics, which include things like body hair, only for him to burn them all off right then and there. This also means that they wouldn’t have recognized Dabi by his voice, since it wouldn’t have gotten deeper yet before he left the family.

「そうか。。。身体機能だもんな！感情の昂ぶりが火力に直結するんだ！すごいぞ俺。。。これならお父さんもきっとびっくりするぞ！」

「そうか ; souka 」-> is that so? (rhetorical)

「身体 ; shintai 」-> body

「機能 ; kinou 」-> function; feature

「だ ; da 」-> be

「もん ; mon 」-> because; indicates reason

「な ; na 」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation/ introduce new topic

「感情 ; kanjou 」-> emotion; feelings

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「昂ぶり ; takaburi 」-> excitement; stimulation

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「火力 ; karyoku」-> heating/fire power

「に ; ni 」-> to

「直結する ; chokketsu suru 」-> to directly connect

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「すごい ; sugoi 」-> incredible

「ぞ ; zo 」-> emphasizes the speaker’s will or opinion

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「これなら ; kore nara 」 - > this one

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「も ; mo 」-> also; too

「きっと ; kitto 」-> surely

「びっくりする ; bikkuri suru 」-> to be surprised

「ぞ ; zo 」-> emphasizes the speaker’s will or opinion

= “Is that so…? It’s the body function, huh! The stimulation of the emotions is directly connected to the firepower! Incredible I… this one will surely also surprise dad!”

Look at him still smiling! Wasn’t that All Might’s thing, to smile no matter what? Touya sure had that down too, still holding on to the hope that his dad would care.

「身体の変化と共にその炎は赤から蒼へと色を変えていた」

「身体 ; karada 」-> body

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「変化 ; henka 」-> transition

「と共に ; to tomo ni 」-> together with

「その ; sono 」-> that

「炎 ; honou 」-> flame

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「赤 ; aka 」-> red

「から ; kara 」-> from

「蒼 ; ao 」-> blu

「へと ; e to 」-> to

「色 ; iro 」-> color

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「変えていた ; kaeteita 」-> was changing

= “Together with the body’s transition, the flame’s color was changing from red to blue.”

「ああでも。。。くっそ昂ぶると何だって涙が出ちゃうんだろう。」

「ああ ; aa 」-> Ah

「でも ; demo 」-> but

「くっそ ; kusso 」-> extremely

「昂ぶる ; takaburu 」-> to become excited; to become aroused (of emotions)

「と ; to 」-> when

「何だって ; nandatte 」-> why?; what for?

「涙が出 ; namida ga dechau 」-> to shed tears (出る + ちゃう)

「ん ; n 」-> used for emphasis/ to show surprise

「だろう ; darou 」-> I wonder

= “Ah but… I wonder why I shed tears when I become extremely excited?”

Dechau consists of deru (to come out) and chau, which is used here to emphasize his emotions. The n after dechau is an explanatory particle and can also show surprise (basically asking for an explanation for this new discovery of him crying as a result of becoming excited).

Anyway, this is a super important new detail we now know about Dabi. In this post I talked about Dabi currently experiencing emotional numbness (in response to him telling Shouto that he doesn’t feel anything anymore), a coping mechanism that can occur after traumatic events. It doesn’t mean the person experiencing this doesn’t actually have any emotions anymore, but those feelings get repressed because sometimes it’s easier for your brain to pretend those feelings aren’t there rather than letting you become overwhelmed with extremely strong emotions. However, individuals experiencing emotional numbness might still show emotions like anger in situations where they might feel powerless or threatened.

While I still do believe that this does apply to Dabi, this chapter is proof that he still feels very strong emotions since strong emotions make his fire stronger. A little later in this chapter, we also find out that Touya was only shown how to increase his flames and not how to decrease them (imagine Endeavor teaching you how to drive lol, no thank you!) so it also seems like even now, he doesn’t have full control over his flames - or rather their intensity - since otherwise, he could have just used a weaker flame up until now instead of always using blue flames no matter what. So his flames are still controlled by his emotions, therefore showing that he still has very strong emotions now.

In other words, while he is suppressing his emotions and not fully experiencing them the same way he used to, those feelings are still very much there even if it doesn’t feel that way to him.

I think something very interesting to see would be if at some point (should someone ever properly decide to save him) someone would get through to him and we would just see his blue flames slowly turning red as he, for the first time, truly calms down...

「お父さん今度の休み瀬古杜岳に来てよ。」

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「今度 ; kondo 」-> next time

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「休み ; yasumi 」-> holiday; day off

「瀬古杜岳 ; sekototake 」-> Sekoto Peak

「に ; ni 」-> to

「来て ; kite 」-> come

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “Dad, come to Sekoto Peak on your next free day!”

Again, can we just appreciate how strong this child is still smiling and being hopeful despite years of being neglected and told he’s not good enough? Even now, he’s still trying and not giving up. He looks so cheerful here like he still has positive feelings for his dad here.

「火傷。。。周囲から見られない箇所での訓練。。。！」

「火傷 ; yakedo 」-> burn

「周囲 ; shuui 」-> surroundings

「から ; kara 」-> from

「見られない ; mirarenai 」-> can’t be seen

「箇所 ; kasho 」-> place

「での ; deno 」-> in (the no adds emphasis on the preceding word)

「訓練 ; kunren 」-> training

= “Burn… training in a place that can’t be seen from the surroundings…!”

「おまえまだ。。。！！」

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「まだ ; mada 」-> still

= “You still…!!”

Obviously, this is very different from the official translation’s “Dammit! Again?!” but I think the criticism only stems from people who think that swearing is some sort of terrible taboo way of speaking. No, he doesn’t swear in Japanese but there are so few swear words in Japanese and usually, the way you would swear is by speaking informally. Anyway, it matches his expression and you can see that he’s yelling so it’s one of those changes that aren’t that dramatic, and anyone that cries over this better also address the heavier changes in regards to Dabi and the rest of the villains. Also, as I’ve said before: the changes in Dabi’s speech are far more severe and impact how people view him as a person since the entire content is sometimes changed for the worse. He is also someone who is clearly smart and knows how to use language, so making him speak in weird ways like the official translation does definitely changes how he is perceived. Endeavor, on the other hand, is not perceived differently by the minor changes made to his speech, which don’t even affect the content. For example, with this line, he is literally yelling at his child. Saying “dammit” isn’t the reason I view him as a terrible father since him neglecting and abusing his children for over ten years at this point is enough proof for that already. Whether he swears or not doesn’t change that.

「すごい事になったんだ必ず来て！」

「すごい事になった ; sugoi koto ni natta 」-> to go crazy; to get out of hand; to end up in an extreme state

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「必ず ; kanarazu 」-> certainly; without fail

「来て ; kite 」-> come

= “It ended up in an extreme state, so you certainly have to come!”

What’s interesting here is the “sugoi koto ni natta” part, which is an expression with the above-mentioned meanings that certainly all fit Touya’s state there. But if you break it down then you have “became a terrific thing” - which is close to the  “what I can do now is pretty cool!”

「焦凍にだって到達できるかどうか。。。！オールマイトにも負けないかもね！お父さんもきっと認めざるをえなくなるからさ。。。！俺をつくって良かったって思うから！」

「焦凍 ; shouto 」-> Shouto

「に ; ni 」-> at

「だって ; datte 」-> after all

「到達 ; toutatsu 」-> reaching

「できる ; dekiru 」-> to be able to

「かどうか ; kadouka 」-> whether or not

「オールマイト ; orumaito 」-> All Might

「にも ; nimo 」-> also

「負けない ; makenai 」-> don’t lose; to not be inferior to

「かも ; kamo 」-> may; might

「ね ; ne 」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「も ; mo 」-> also; too

「きっと ; kitto 」-> surely

「認めざるをえなくなる ; mitomezaru o enakunaru 」-> cannot help to grow to recognize/notice (認め + ざるをえなく + なる)

「から ; kara 」-> expresses sympathy

「さ ; sa 」-> emphasis particle

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「つくって ; tsukutte 」-> to make

「良かった ; yokatta 」-> to be glad

「って思う ; tte omou 」-> to think

「から ; kara 」-> expresses sympathy

= “Whether or not I am able to reach Shouto after all…! I might also not lose to All Might, will I! Surely, you cannot help but grow to notice me too, dad...! And you will think you’re glad you made me!”

Later on, we get Endeavor and Rei both expressing that they didn’t know what to say to Touya around this time. When your child says “I will do this thing that’s damaging me to prove my worth to you and have you think it’s good that I exist!” maybe just say that you’re already glad they exist and that they’re already good enough! I’m sure parenting is hard, but affirming your child’s worth should not be one of the difficult parts of parenting. 

Also, I would like to point out that the fandom has talked a lot about Touya’s jealousy towards Shouto, but I don’t fully see it. First of all, Touya is fully aware of why he and his siblings exist and therefore also knows why Endeavor is training Shouto. This doesn’t mean that Touya isn’t jealous at all, but he also doesn’t really dwell on those feelings. He sees Shouto as his competition, but not even in a negative way. If Endeavor had allowed it, Touya probably would have trained with Shouto and the two of them could have motivated each other to reach their full potential. The only reason Touya had any amount of jealousy in him was that Shouto was his replacement and as long as Shouto was around and better than Touya, it meant that Endeavor wouldn’t pay any attention to Touya. The whole “Whether or not I am able to reach Shouto” phrase shows that he recognizes that Shouto is stronger than him at the moment, but again, it comes from a place of trying to show Endeavor “Look, I can do what your masterpiece can do, too!” because he knows Endeavor is currently only impressed by Shouto. Shouto sets the bar and Touya is trying to make his father see that he can reach that bar too (probably). If Endeavor had changed his mind and let Touya and Shouto train together, then Touya might not have had any ill feelings towards Shouto, so when talking about this jealousy, please keep in mind that all roads lead back to Endeavor here and taking him out of the equation would make for a good bond between the two brothers.

「何故止めなかった冷！！！頼んだはずだ！！！」

「何故 ; naze 」-> why

「止めなかった ; tomenakatta 」-> didn’t stop

「冷 ; rei 」-> Rei

「頼んだ ; tanonda 」-> entrusted to; requested to

「はず ; hazu 」-> expectation that something took place

「だ ; da 」-> be

= “Why didn’t you stop him, Rei!!! I entrusted him to you!!!”

Hazu is used with the past tense of a verb to express negative feelings in response to something not having turned out how you expected them to.

「お母さんいじめないで！！やめて！いじめないでよ！」

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「いじめないで ; ijimenai de 」-> don’t be cruel to

「やめて ; yamete 」-> stop

「いじめないで ; ijimenai de 」-> don’t be cruel to

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “Don’t be cruel to mom! Stop it! Don’t be cruel!”

「焦凍は出てろ！関係ない話だ！！」

「焦凍 ; shouto 」-> Shouto

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「出てろ ; detero 」-> get out

「関係ない ; kankei nai  」-> not involved

「話 ; hanashi 」-> conversation

「だ ; da 」-> be

= “Shouto, get out! The conversation doesn’t involve you!!”

「お母さんが何を知ってんだよ！？」

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「何 ; nani 」-> what

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「知ってん ; shitten 」-> knowing

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “What do you know mom!?”

「選択肢は限られていたけれど選んで進んだのは私の足でせめてその先では笑っていようと思っていた。。。のに」

「選択肢 ; sentakushi 」-> options

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「限られていた ; kagirareteita 」-> was limited

「けれど ; keredo 」-> however

「選んで ; erande 」-> to choose

「進んだ ; sunda 」-> to live

「のは ; nowa 」-> topic maker particle

「私 ; watashi 」-> I

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「足 ; ashi 」-> foot

「で ; de 」-> on

「せめて ; semete 」-> at least

「その ; sono 」-> that

「先 ; saki ; 」-> the future; destination

「では ; dewa 」-> topic maker particle

「笑っていよう ; waratte iyou 」-> should smile

「と思っていた ; to omotteita 」-> was thinking

「のに ; noni 」-> even though; and yet

= “My options were limited, however, and yet I chose to live on my feet and thought I shall at least smile in the future.”

「私じゃ止められない。」

「私 ; watashi 」-> I

「じゃ ; ja 」-> topic marker particle

「止められない ; tomerarenai 」-> couldn’t stop

= “I couldn’t stop him.”

Again, he’s thirteen. Maybe she didn’t read enlightenment books, but she sure should have read them. And also brought Touya to a therapist.

「そして。。。あなたは行かなかった。」

「そして ; soshite 」-> and

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「行かなかった ; ikanakatta 」-> didn’t go

= “And… you didn’t go.”

「出るな。。。！涙なんか。。。」

「出るな ; deruna 」-> don’t come out

「涙 ; namida 」-> tears

「なんか ; nanka 」-> expresses strong emotion; used to belittle something

= “Don’t come out…! Stupid tears…”

Nanka doesn’t really have an actual translation here, but the “stupid” from the official translation conveys that nuance of belittling something pretty well.

「。。。薪をくべてしまうだけだと。。。いや。。。」

「薪 ; maki 」-> firewood

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「くべてしまう ; kubete shimau 」-> to completely burn

「だけ ; dake 」-> only

「だ ; da 」-> be

「と ; to 」-> quotation marker

「いや ; iya 」-> disagreeable

= “... I thought it’s only completely burning the firewood… no…”

The to could be interpreted in different ways since it can also mean “and” but here it makes more sense to go for what the official translation did, which is assuming that it’s the quotation marker which would normally be followed by omou (= to think).

「ちくしょう。。。」

「ちくしょう ; chikushou 」-> damn it

= “Damn it...”

「何と声を掛けたらいいのかわからなかったんだ。」

「何と ; nanto 」-> what

「声を掛けたらいい ; koe o kaketara ii 」-> should start talking (to)/ give vocal support (to)/ to let (somebody) know (声を掛けた + らいい)

「のか ; noka 」-> question marker particle seeking a clarification

「わからなかった ; wakaranakatta 」-> didn’t know 

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

= “I didn’t know what vocal support I should give.”

The official translation went for the more natural way of saying this, which is “I had no idea what to say to him.”

「おとうさ」

「お父さ ; otousa 」-> dad

= “Dad-”

「私もそうだった。」

「私 ; watashi 」-> I

「も ; mo 」-> also; too

「そう ; sou 」-> in that way; so

「だった ; datta 」-> was

= “I was also like that…”

Something that bothers me a lot about this exchange is that they both claim they didn’t know what to say to Touya, which is a weird conclusion as to where things went wrong. First of all, Touya is in all honesty probably smarter than both his parents combined and despite the translation constantly trying to make him sound like he’s speaking his own language, he has always been someone well-spoken in the sense that he chooses his words carefully as seen by how he knew exactly what to say to Aizawa in the summer camp, how politely he spoke in his broadcast, etc. He knows how to word things in order to get specific reactions out of people and be perceived however he wants to be perceived by people. More importantly, though, he had made it very clear on multiple occasions growing up what his problems were. He was always clear about his needs - wanting to train with his dad, having his dad come to the mountain with him, etc. - yet here it sounds a little like he never voiced his feelings or was somehow unable to comprehend what his parents told him.

Second of all, saying they didn’t know what to say to him makes it feel more like the whole thing was just a one-time slip and not years and years of problems piling up until it all collapsed. They knew Touya wasn’t fine. They saw him try to attack Shouto, they knew that he continued training and didn’t stop, they knew he wanted Endeavor’s attention.

As mentioned earlier, their advice failed because neither of his parents could practice what they preached. Endeavor telling Touya to give up on his goal of surpassing All Might and becoming a hero failed because Endeavor himself couldn’t stop to the point he started a whole family in the hopes that one of his children could do what he wasn’t able to. Rei telling Touya that he looks like he’s suffering and that he should find out who he really wants to become failed because Touya was aware that Rei didn’t marry Endeavor out of her own will but for her parents’ sake. And the thing is, he told them. He told them both that this advice wasn’t good enough, and then they just gave up. One piece of advice was what they deemed trying hard enough and now they boil it down to “I didn’t know what to say to him” even though the real reason Touya “died” was because they gave up on him from the start.

「わあっ。」

「わあっ ; waa 」-> Waa

= “Waa.”

「あれは熱かったな。」

「あれ ; are 」-> that

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「熱かった ; atsukatta 」-> was hot

「な ; na 」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation

= “That was hot, wasn’t it.”

「あつ。。。！止まらない！炎がー！！」

「あつ ; atsu 」-> hot

「止まらない ; tomaranai 」-> can’t stop

「炎 ; honou 」-> flame

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

= “Hot…! I can’t stop! The flames are-!!”

「ま自業自得だよな。」

「ま ; ma 」-> well; you might say

「自業自得 ; jigoujitoku 」-> paying for one’s mistakes; getting one’s just deserts; suffering the consequences (of one’s own actions); reap what you sow

「だ ; da 」-> be

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

「な ; na 」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation

= “Well, you reap what you sow, don’t you?”

I know we all made fun of the “that’s just deserts'' line in the official translation, but that is, in fact, one of the actual dictionary definitions of jigoujitoku. And to be fair, Touya was a smart kid. Maybe he just knows all these strange expressions no one ever uses. Maybe the official translation is onto something here… but to the rest of us, who never heard anyone say this before, it just sounds weird. Maybe we’re just all too stupid for Dabi… 

「火力の上げ方しか教えてくれなかったもんなあ。」

「火力 ; karyoku」-> heating/firepower

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「上げ ; age 」-> raising

「方 ; kata 」-> way of; method of

「しか ; shika 」-> only (with neg. verb)

「教えてくれなかった ; oshiete kurenakatta 」-> taught (教えて + くれなかった)

「もん ; mon 」-> because; indicates reason/ excuse/ dissatisfaction

「なあ ; naa 」-> used to say something emotionally when looking back on the past

= “Looking back, he only taught me the way of raising the firepower.”

Again, the kure in oshiete kurenakatta is used when saying that something was done for the speaker.

When speaking to yourself, naa at the end of the sentence can be used when reflecting on the past, as Dabi does here, which makes it sound like he wasn’t necessarily aware of this before or at least wasn’t aware of it back then. I know there were some people when the spoilers came out that claimed that Touya had obviously faked his death on purpose, but aside from nothing pointing to that as it is, this part makes it especially obvious that he didn’t do it on purpose. Touya was clearly surprised that his fire grew so strong there and that he was unable to stop it. And the naa here indicates that if he had been aware back then that he never learned how to properly control his flames, then he might have been able to prevent this incident from happening.

「あの日全て諦めていれば。」

「あの ; ano 」-> that

「日 ; hi 」-> day

「全て ; subete 」-> all; everything

「諦めていれば ; akirameteireba 」-> had given up (conditional)

= “If only I had given everything up that day.”

THIS would have to be about the saddest sentences in this chapter and I haven’t really seen a lot of people mention this. This is Dabi reflecting on the day where his life completely changed and although he just had quite a success by revealing his identity and broadcasting the truth about his family to the whole country, he’s looking back on the day he almost died and thinks “if only I had given everything up on that day.” If you didn’t think he was suicidal before, here is your proof. Yes, he’s freer now in the sense that Endeavor can’t tell him what to do anymore (not like that worked before anyway), but this is still not the life little Touya had wanted. He wanted to be a hero and someone his father could be proud of, and yet here he is as a villain whose sole purpose is to kill Endeavor. So not only is he still not free from his life being dictated by Endeavor, but he also turned himself into someone he never wanted to be. While revealing his true identity to the country was somewhat of a victory for him, it doesn’t change that he won’t ever get back all the years Endeavor took from him. He might be fighting, but deep down he’d rather just be dead.

「燈矢を殺してしまったことで後に引けなくなっていた。。。焦凍に傾倒する他。。。なくなっていた。」

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「殺してしまった ; koroshiteshimatta 」-> was killed completely (殺して + しまった)

「ことで ; koto de 」-> nominalizes the preceding phrase

「後に引けなくなっていた ; ato ni hikenaku natteita 」-> couldn’t stop

「焦凍 ; shouto 」-> Shouto

「に ; ni 」-> to

「傾倒する ; keitou suru 」-> to devote oneself to

「他なくなっていた ; hoka naku natteita 」-> can do nothing but; have no other choice but

= “I couldn’t stop after I completely killed Touya… I couldn’t do anything except devoting myself to Shouto.”

As mentioned before, verb + shimau can mean that an action was done completely, but it can also mean that something was done regrettably. This is one of those cases, where both meanings can apply. Endeavor completely killed Touya, thus Dabi was born, but this is also regrettable since Touya shouldn’t have died. It’s just weird to admit that you're responsible (and cry about it in front of your victims) and then also blame the victim for how you treated your other victim.

「燈矢が消えて。。。エスカレートしていくあなたが悍ましくて。。。こどもたちにまで面影を見るようになってしまった。」

「エスカレートしていく ; esukareeto shite iku 」-> to continue escalating

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「悍ましくて ; ozomashikute 」-> disgusting; repulsive

「こどもたち ; kodomotachi 」-> children

「に ; ni 」-> in

「まで ; made 」-> until

「面影 ; omokage 」-> face

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「見る ; miru 」-> to see

「ようになってしまった」-> completely reached the point that

= “Continuing to escalate, you were repulsive... until I completely reached the point of seeing your face in the children.”

Okay, first things first. Rei’s line created a lot of confusion since it contradicts what Fuyumi says in chapter 250, where she mentions that Touya died shortly after Rei was hospitalized. This tweet from the official bnha twitter account states that the “Touya disappeared and…” part in Rei’s line in this chapter was a mistake and will be erased in the volume release, so I didn’t include that part in here. I do think that this scene overall makes no sense, then, though, since the idea here is that Touya’s “death” made Endeavor worse, made Endeavor become abusive, made Rei pour the boiling hot water on Shouto, made Endeavor put Rei into a mental hospital. But that’s not true.

Endeavor saying that he started to obsess over Shouto after Touya died is also weird, since we all know that he was already obsessed with him before and didn’t pay attention to any of the other children, which is exactly what led to Touya dying when Endeavor couldn’t even be bothered to go to the mountain with him one time.

「壊れてるのを知りながら。。。怖くて踏み込めなかった。。。上っ面で繕うことしか。。。してこなかった。」

「壊れてる ; kowareteru 」-> to be broken

「のを ; no o 」-> nominalizer + object marker

「知り ; shiri 」-> to know; to be aware of

「ながら ; nagara 」-> while

「怖くて ; kowakute 」-> scary

「踏み込めなかった ; fumikomenakatta 」-> wasn’t able to step into

「上っ面 ; uwattsura 」-> surface; apppearances

「で ; de 」-> at

「繕う ; tsukurou 」-> to fix; to cover up (mistakes); to keep up appearances

「こと ; koto 」-> things

「しか ; shika 」-> only (with neg. verb)

「してこなかった ; shite konakatta 」-> continued to do

= “While I knew it was broken... I was scared and unable to step in… I only continued to… fix things on the surface.”

Tsukurou has several meanings like “to fix” and “to keep up appearances” so that’s probably why the official translation included both meanings here. The Japanese also only says “scared” and not “too scared” like the official English translation, though this is most likely just done to make it sound more natural. Another difference is that in the official translation, Fuyumi says “All I could do” whereas in Japanese she said that she “only continued to” fix things on the surface. The panel also shows a small flashback of Endeavor dragging Touya away and Rei trying to stop him, while Fuyumi is standing in the background and slightly turned away. She’s shown in the sailor uniform that is typically worn by middle school students, so she would be around 12 years old, which was around the time Touya “died” - obviously at that age there wasn’t really anything she could have done against Endeavor so the translation isn’t entirely incorrect, however, judging by Touya telling Natsuo that he can’t talk to Fuyumi because she doesn’t understand, it seems like she probably always tried to remain impartial instead of siding with her older brother. While she couldn’t have stopped Endeavor, she could have at least been there for Touya as emotional support - which, might I add, is her whole purpose for existing - so that’s why saying that she “continued to” only fix things on the surface is a more accurate line.

「全部あなたが始めた事であなたが原因だーでも

俺がぶん殴って燈矢兄と向かい合わせてやれてたら。。。荼毘は生まれてなくて焦凍に盛り蕎麦をご馳走してやれてたかもしれない。」

「全部 ; zenbu 」-> all

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「始めた ; hajimeta 」-> to start

「事 ; koto 」-> situation; incident

「で ; de 」-> and

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「原因 ; genin 」-> cause

「だ ; da 」-> be

「でも ; demo 」-> but

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「ぶん殴って ; bunnagutte 」-> to hit hard; to give a hard blow

「燈矢兄 ; touya nii 」-> Touya-Nii

「と ; to 」-> with

「向かい合わせてやれて ; mukaiawasete yarete 」-> let someone face each other

「たら ; tara 」-> if

「荼毘 ; dabi 」-> Dabi

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「生まれてなくて ; umaretenakute 」-> wouldn’t have been born

「焦凍 ; shouto 」-> Shouto

「に ; ni 」-> to

「盛り蕎麦 ; mori soba 」-> cold soba

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「ご馳走してやれてた ; gochisou shite yareteta 」-> to treat someone to a meal

「かもしれない ; kamoshirenai 」-> may; might; possibly

= “You started all of this situation and you are the cause - but if I had hit you hard and could have let you face Touya-Nii, then Dabi wouldn’t have been born and he might have been able to treat Shouto to mori soba.”

The yarete that appears twice in this sentence is the potential form of yaru, which is used when something is given/done for someone from someone with higher status to someone with lower status. In combination with the causative form (making someone do something) as is the case with mukaiawasete, it changes the nuance from simply making someone do something to allow someone to do something.

Concerning this line, there was a huge difference between the fan translation that I read and the official translation. While the official translation matches with the Japanese line by having Natsuo say that he should have punched Endeavor (can we appreciate how funny that would have been, but also sad if TWO of your children have to stand up to you because you mistreat another family member), the fan translation that I first read had Natsuo say that he should have punched and faced Touya, which is a very different message. Fortunately, that doesn’t make sense and isn’t the actual line, though.

More importantly, mori soba??? I thought Shouto’s favorite kind of soba was zaru soba (it’s basically the same, but zaru soba has nori seaweed on top)… 

「責任はあなただけのものじゃない。今回のことは私たち全員の責任。心が砕けても私たちが立たせます。あなたは荼毘と戦うしかないの。」

「責任 ; sekinin 」-> responsibility

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「だけ ; dake 」-> only

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「もの ; mono 」-> thing

「じゃない ; janai 」-> isn’t

「今回 ; konkai 」-> this time

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「こと ; koto 」-> situation; circumstance

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「私たち ; watashitachi 」-> we

「全員 ; zenin 」-> all members; everyone

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「責任 ; sekinin 」-> responsibility

「心 ; kokoro 」-> heart

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「砕けて ; kudakeru 」-> breaking

「も ; mo 」-> even if

「私たち ; watashitachi 」-> we

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「立たせます ; tatasemasu 」-> make someone stand up

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「荼毘 ; dabi 」-> Dabi

「と ; to 」-> with

「戦う ; tatakau 」-> to fight

「しかない ; shika nai 」-> have no choice but

「の ; no 」-> explanatory particle

= “The responsibility isn’t only yours. We are all responsible for this time’s circumstances. Even if your heart is breaking, we will make you stand up. You have no choice but to fight Dabi.”

This is one of those lines that really make you wonder whether the character is supposed to be like that or if the author just doesn’t understand what he’s writing. It’s questionable - to say the least - to say they are all responsible this time. While I continue to wonder how the non-heroes of the family are supposed to do anything here, why would a mother expect her children to be part of this? They are civilians and she expects them to somehow take care of saving their villain brother? Sorry, but she wasn’t even able to stop Touya from going outside to train, and now she expects her children to do better than her? No.

There’s also something very odd about her referring to him as Dabi. I understand that this is done to say that they intend on fighting Dabi and not Touya, and it’s true that Touya is in a way dead and Dabi was born instead. However, the problem with this idea of fighting “Dabi” is that it suggests that Dabi could somehow be killed while Touya survives when that is not at all how helping somehow who has been traumatized works. You can’t just reset him and somehow get him back to the state he was in prior to the traumatic experience (especially when the traumatic experience was basically his whole life). They won’t be able to just kill Dabi and have him go back to who he used to be because he has never been allowed to just be himself. Dabi is now a part of him. And not just that, but Dabi is the result of the trauma and thus functions as Touya’s surviving mechanism. This doesn’t mean that Dabi can’t be redeemed or be saved, it’s just that this idea of fighting Dabi and removing Dabi from Touya is bound to end in failure because that’s an impossible task and, again, the wrong approach to this.

Why exactly is a mother asking her and her children’s abuser to fight her child? Them going against Touya is what caused Dabi’s existence in the first place, which is what the conversation is more or less about, and yet she continues to think that fighting him is the right option here? A lot of people have suggested that this is done to cause a problem later down the line with Hawks and Best Jeanist listening in on the conversation and probably assuming the family doesn’t intend on saving Dabi in any way. But this is still a somewhat weak argument for two reasons: One, Hawks and Best Jeanist talk with the Todofam in chapter 303 and tell them that they will help to fight Dabi, so them teaming up means they should discuss this a little more and with that, there shouldn’t be any problems in terms of communication; and two, anything that happens in a story still has to be believable. If there is an issue or conflict it’s absolutely vital to convince the readers that this couldn’t somehow be prevented or easily resolved. But Rei isn’t vague here. She literally talks about Endeavor having to fight Dabi. So even if this is just in order for the other characters to misunderstand her, I do find it odd for a mother to suggest that her abusive husband should fight their child instead of finally acting like a parent and saving this child.

Until we know what exactly the family is going to do, we can’t determine whether this is just Horikoshi’s writing or if he intentionally made Rei like this, but for now, this just seems like a really weird thing to say. And even Endeavor can see this as shown in the next line:

「おまえ。。。本当に。。。冷か。。。？」

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「本当に ; hontou ni 」-> really

「冷 ; rei 」-> Rei

「か ; ka 」-> question marker particle

= “You… are you really… Rei…?”

「私たちよりよっぽど辛いハ���の子が恨んで当然の私を再びお母さんと呼んでくれた。」

「私たち ; watashitachi 」-> us

「より ; yori 」-> than

「よっぽど ; yoppodo 」-> greatly; to a large extent

「辛い ; tsurai 」-> painful; difficult (emotionally)

「ハズ ; hazu 」-> ought to; should be

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「子 ; ko 」-> child

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「恨んで ; urande 」-> to bear a grudge against; to resent

「当然 ; touzen 」-> it’s natural to

「の ; no 」-> explanatory particle

「私 ; watashi 」-> I

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「再び ; futatabi 」-> again; once more

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「と呼んでくれた ; to yondekureta 」-> called (と呼んで + くれた)

= “It’s natural for the child that should be in more pain than us to resent me. He called me mom again.”

Originally, I thought this was about Touya since these chapters are about his backstory. But then someone asked me whether this was actually about Shouto and someone else also pointed out that the next line is about Shouto, so it makes more sense that this is about him. And this is what I mean when I say that this writing is contradictory. How do they all reflect on the past, recognize that they didn’t understand Touya and neglected him and didn’t know how to be parents to him, but then say that Shouto is the one that suffered more than the rest of them? Obviously, it’s not a competition, and comparing who has it the worst is not helpful at all, but Dabi is literally alone right now and has been alone his whole life, while Shouto at least has his family and emotional support right now. Do they not hear what they are saying? How are they so dumb? Shouto also literally never resented you or stopped calling you mom, so maybe shift your focus to Touya? No wonder he left.

「雄英高校でお友だちをつくって私たちをつなぎとめてくれた。焦凍が轟家（ウチ）のヒーローになってくれたのよ。」

「雄英高校 ; yuuei koukou 」-> U.A. High School

「で ; de 」-> at

「お友だち ; otomodachi 」-> friends

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「つくって ; tsukutte 」-> to make

「私たち ; watashitachi 」-> we

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「つなぎとめてくれた ; tsunagitomete kureta 」-> saved (someone’s life)

「焦凍 ; shouto 」-> Shouto

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「轟家 ; todoroki uchi 」-> Todoroki household

「ウチ ; uchi 」-> one’s own family

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「ヒーロー ; hiro 」-> hero

「になってくれた ; ni natte kureta 」-> became

「の ; no 」-> explanatory particle

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “He made friends at U.A. and saved us. Shouto has really become our hero.”

Here we have another case of Kanji and Furigana being different. While the Kanji (what the character means) says “Todoroki household” the Furigana (what the character says) simply says “One’s family” and to be honest, I’m not entirely sure why there is a difference here. Like yes, obviously, by family she’s referring to the Todoroki family.

Anyway, this is probably the worst sentence in this entire chapter. There is nothing inherently bad about saying that Shouto is a good person and that he helped his family. However, he is a literal child. A minor. And a victim in this, just like his siblings - just like Touya. None of the kids are responsible for their family’s well-being or for correcting their parents’ mistakes, and yet here we are. Shouto shouldn’t have to be the family’s hero and feel the need to save his brother just because both his parents failed to be parents. Don’t get me wrong, I agree that Endeavor wouldn’t possibly get through to Dabi now (although realistically, Natsuo is the only one that could really get through to him) so it makes sense to get Shouto involved. But everyone praising him just further shows their inability to recognize that this exact mindset is what caused the problems in the first place. This whole idea of someone - specifically Shouto - being the one in the family who is able to be a great hero is what was part of Touya’s mental downfall. It’s also a harmful statement to make in general, as it pushes the “good victim, bad victim” mentality, where Shouto is seen as the good victim for being able to stay on a good path, live his life in a normal way and still speak with his parents, whereas Touya ended up turning himself into a villain and essentially throwing his whole life away in order to ruin Endeavor’s life, too. Aside from the fact that this mentality is problematic in itself by making it seem like there’s a right and wrong way to be a victim and that people who end up not being able to just move on from their trauma are somehow worthless and don’t deserve to get help, this sentence also shows the problem the family has: not learning from the past. Despite all the self-reflection we’re shown in this chapter with each family member expressing what they did wrong, they then continue to not change at all and just continue to demonize Touya. They are taking responsibility and admitting that they were wrong, just ignoring the problems and not saying the right things to him, but by claiming that Shouto is the hero of the family they continue to neglect why Touya ended up the way he did. Shouto was supported in reaching his goals. Obviously, Endeavor wanted Shouto to become a hero, but Shouto also always wanted to be a hero on his own accord. His mom reassured him that he could be whatever hero he wanted to be and not just be the next Endeavor. He was always supported both in his journey of becoming a hero and also emotionally through his family and his friends. That isn’t to say that he is somehow less of a victim, but it’s important to acknowledge that the reason he ended up on the “good path” was that he had people that reminded him that he wasn’t Endeavor and that he was free to be his own person. He was never held back from reaching his goals.

Touya, on the other hand, received the exact opposite treatment. He was kept from pursuing his goal and was only met with cheap excuses as to why he shouldn’t train, yet none of those arguments ever worked on him and so he continued to train on his own for almost ten years. Despite both his parents knowing about this, they never did more than just say “stop training” and thus actively ignored his problems. Even when he lashed out to Rei, she just watched as he walked away. It’s not surprising he calls her and Fuyumi useless when both of them sided with Endeavor instead of acknowledging his pain. Of course, he was going to end up on a “bad path” when he didn’t have a proper support system.

So saying that Shouto is the family’s hero might sound like an innocent compliment at first glance, but it only further shows how little the family understands why Touya has become Dabi, which becomes a bigger problem when they want to save him, something they won’t be able to do as long as they continue to fail to really see him and his pain.

「ここに。。。来る前お母さんと話した。おまえが。。。もう戦えねェと思って俺がやるしかねェって思ってた。。。でも違うみてえだ。」

「ここ ; koko 」-> here

「に ; ni 」-> to

「来る ; kuru 」-> to come

「前 ; mae」-> before

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「と ; to 」-> with

「話した ; hanashita 」-> spoke

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「もう ; mou 」-> yet

「戦えねェ ; tatakaenee 」-> unable to fight/ compete against

「と思って ; to omotte 」-> thought

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「やる ; yaru 」-> to do

「しか ; shika 」-> only (with neg. verb)

「ねェっ ; neee 」-> not

「て思ってた ; te omotteta 」-> was thinking

「でも ; demo 」-> but

「違う ; chigau 」-> to differ

「みてえ ; mitee 」-> looks; seems

「だ ; da 」-> be

= “Here… before coming, I spoke with mom. You… I thought you couldn’t fight anymore and I was thinking only I would do it.... but, it seems different.”

「泣き終わったら立てよ。皆で燈矢兄を止めに行こう」

「泣き終わったら ; nakiowattara 」-> when you’re done crying

「立て ; tate 」-> stand up

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

「皆 ; minna 」-> everyone

「で ; de 」-> with

「燈矢兄 ; touya nii 」-> Touya-Nii

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「止めに行こう ; tome ni ikou 」-> let’s go stop

= “When you’re done crying, stand up. Let’s go stop Touya-Nii with everyone.”

Anyway, that concludes the comparison for chapter 302, which took a while to make because, to be honest, this is a very odd chapter. I know people continue to view this as the Todofam intending on saving Dabi, but the problem is simply that the present time scenes don’t really make sense in context with the flashbacks. Endeavor crying for three chapters straight somehow symbolizes that he regrets the past and has changed when in reality, none of them fully understand where everything went wrong and are trying to fix the problem incorrectly. It feels a bit as though they are downplaying what happened and how much Endeavor and Rei are responsible for Dabi’s existence by simply boiling it down to them not knowing what to say to Touya and by having both Fuyumi and Natsuo say they are also responsible without their parents telling them that they were children and thus could not possibly be held responsible the same way.

Personally, I’m glad that the focus seems to be shifting away from this storyline for now because it was really hard to read this chapter with all these weird lines. While I do continue to hope that Dabi will be redeemed and saved by the end of the story, I also still think that Horikoshi isn’t writing this in a good way, considering the contradictions and the constant “good vs. bad victim” mentality that all these characters are constantly voicing paired with the really odd ways characters are acting at the moment (= Rei in chapter 303???). It’s odd they want Endeavor to be involved in this and even weirder that they (in chapter 303) accept Hawks and Best Jeanist wanting to be part of this too, when they all saw the broadcast and thus all saw that Hawks killed Twice, aka Dabi’s friend and someone on the same side as him, which makes it feel like they are either too dumb to realize or simply don’t care that there is a high chance that Hawks is just going to end up killing (or at least trying to) Dabi, too. It’s also odd that Rei is apologizing to both Hawks and Best Jeanist since Dabi hasn’t done anything to Best Jeanist so what’s up with that? Anyway, she better apologize to Dabi too...

Anyway, so right now, the translation differences aren’t so much a problem as the writing in itself is and for now, we will probably have to wait a while to see how this storyline will continue and how exactly they plan on taking care of Dabi. 

Thanks for reading!

[honeysidesarchived]

WHERE THERE IS NO TEMPTATION, THERE IS NO GLORY.

⊱ a santino d'antonio / oc short-fic

euphemia volpe has never wanted for very much; a safe place to sleep, a soft place to land. to love someone, and be loved back. she has all of those things now, but it's most unfortunate for her that she has fallen in love with a man who will never be satisfied with what he's got.

pt. i: contact is crisis

words: 3.3k

warnings: language, some depictions of a relationship that is not entirely healthy, extensive use of my very basic knowledge of italian (padded with google translate, thank you google!), and an unfortunate amount of endearments and pet names. this does not deviate from john wick chapter 2's canon ending, so please bear in mind this will contain major character death.

rating: m for mature language ??? probably closer to t, but will change later on.

notes: as some of you may know, this has been (unfortunately) sitting on my drive since i first watched john wick chapter two almost a year ago--maybe over a year! i can't remember. all i remember was seeing santino and going "SOMEONE has got to kiss that man". so you know, here i am. this short-fic (only a few, short parts) will take place over the span of the events of john wick chapter 2. yes i built some tiny amount of lore for the camorra. yes i had the opportunity to write a fix-it fic and did not. no i am not taking criticism at this time !

special uber big thank you to my beta and my wifey @starcrier who read this a year ago and when i casually said, "hey, so what if i posted this" told me to do it. also @faithchel, who through the occasional sly prompt slid in from ask games (i see you) has been a true angel while i sort through this, and equally as encouraging!

and of course thank you to you all, who read this. i know this is not the usual content you followed me for but i appreciate you all the same. <3

“I cannot believe that I will marry a man so stupid.”

Euphemia is practically frothing at the mouth, she’s so mad; she storms into the chic New York loft, tossing her purse onto the nearby counter, her heels clipping against the polished floor decisively. It’s late; the silk slip of a dress draped across her body brushes the floor in a sweeping train, and she balances herself on the counter with one hand while she steps out of the stilettos with the assistance of the other.

“Euphie, luce della mia vita,” Santino says, striding in after her and completely at ease. He is, infuriatingly, as he always is; perfectly composed, his dark curls in place and his suit immaculate. Euphemia eyes him through the mirror of her vanity as he sidles up behind her. “We’re not married yet, princesa, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Luce della mia vita,” Euphemia drawls mockingly. She drips the words in honey on the way out of her mouth, sliding a dainty, glittering bracelet from her wrist and dropping it on the counter. “You sound like a fucking idiot, Santi.”

His gaze darkens, but his voice is still silky when he says, “Watch your tone, cara mia.”

“What for?” Euphemia thinks she wouldn’t be able to watch her tone even if she wanted to; not anymore, not with this hanging over her head. She turns to stare at her fiancé, pressing her index finger to his chest. “You’re going to get killed by Baba Yaga anyway. No point in behaving myself, is there? Idiota.”

“Euphemia.”

“You leave John Wick alone, Santino,” she bites out. “You don’t ask for a thing from him. Of him. About him. I don’t want John Wick near my life.”

Santino grabs her wrist, the hand with the engagement ring sitting on it—snatches it out of the air like a cobra striking, grips it with hands that usually are much kinder.

“Everything that you have now is a gift from me,” he warns her, voice pitched low. “You like your nice engagement ring? Your nice dresses? This nice loft we live in?”

His fingers grip, nearly bruising; these are the only times that he doesn’t handle her with care, that his elegant fingers don’t splay against her skin reverently—when she’s pissed him off.

“I’ve given it all to you, all of these things, this life that you like having and don’t want John Wick near, so I would suggest watching your tone for that.”

There is a brief moment where Euphemia thinks she might finally, right now, resort to the violence of slapping Santino in the face. The threat is not lost on her; it’s Santino’s favorite thing to do when he’s angry. And for her to commit an act of violence against her fiancé would be unthinkable almost every other time, in any other situation. Euphie would not have considered it in the least, but there are times—on occasion—where she thinks for a second that she doesn’t recognize him; that he’s become some amalgam of all of the men who have grabbed her too hard or told her she owes them. Men who have used her meanly.

And Santino has divulged his plan to push John Wick for a favor.

So, yes: she thinks she might, but then her hand is moving of her own volition, sliding the engagement ring off of her finger and stuffing it into his jacket pocket, the more pacifist choice than what her mind is screaming for her to do.

“You have never had nothing, Santi,” she says, biting out the words, “so allow me to enlighten you; I have had nothing before you, and I will be just fine having nothing again.”

His eyes narrow, gemlike slits that sit heavy on her. She yanks her wrist of his grip and says, “And it is a good thing we are not married, si? A divorce would have been so messy.”

“Euphie,” Santino says in a sigh that lacks venom, as though he weren’t just threatening to take everything from her, as though she were the hysterical one, “don’t fuss.”

Don’t fuss, he says, because Santino has only ever had women before that bend themselves over backwards until they break for him; don’t fuss, he says, because he likes and maybe loves her, she thinks, but he doesn’t like or love when she talks back. Santino has always had someone to wait on him, to serve him, and Euphemia has never seen his parents together but she would that his only vision of marriage is that of a subservient, dutiful, loving wife.

“Oh, but my darling,” she coos, very undutiful and decidedly not subservient, “I wouldn’t want you to have to worry about all of the nice things you give me. You can enjoy them all yourself, for the brief time before Baba Yaga kills you for asking him to do a job he does not want to do, when he has announced his retirement.”

It’s a terrible way to feed the monster inside of her. That monster is a pusher, a puller, the kind that picked and chipped away at Santino until he lost that shred of his manicured control and gave her something, anything she could work with. It was impossible to love a man who was so buttoned up there was nowhere for her to put her love.

His expression tightens in the way that she recognizes as his controlled fury; bottling it, merchandising it, saving it for later. Santino is not incapable of killing his sister himself, but for some reason—a reason that Euphemia is sure is only known to him—he won’t. Some stupid shit about blood and family, probably.

“Take the ring back.” Santino’s voice is smooth, belying the danger lurking just beneath. He fishes the engagement ring out of the pocket of his suit jacket, where she’d dropped it, and picks up her hand again; this time, his fingers don’t grip with bruising force, but cradle. Euphemia thinks she might have pushed him, then, right to the line, because his eerie calm is unsettling as his fingers meticulously slide the engagement ring back into place.

He says, “There, you see? This is where your engagement ring belongs and will stay. Here, on your hand. Just like this is where you belong and will stay—here, with me.” His hand comes up to her face; she turns away, and he catches her chin and forces her to look back at him.

“You know I will get you anything you want,” Santino murmurs, “but you have to ask.”

Nicely, is the implied word. A good fiancé, a good wife, wouldn’t storm out of the car after he mentions John Wick in passing, ripping through the loft, calling him names. She knows all of this and she thinks, then maybe I’m not a good anything.

But she can tell when she’s pushed Santino’s buttons just enough—enough to make a point, and not enough to incur his wrath. Not entirely.

“Please, Santi,” she says, her voice still hard but softer than it was before, and already Santi is shaking his head so she plunges on recklessly, “do not cash in John Wick’s debt to you. Ascoltami, I know you—I know you will do something to put yourself and John Wick on opposite sides of the playing field.”

Santino’s gaze is sharp and clear. He drops his hand from her face, shrugging, and says, “So what? I will be playing chess, and John Wick will be playing checkers. You worry too much, Euphie.”

“What you mean to say is that I think before I act.”

He shrugs, and threads his fingers through her hair, reaching up with the other to brush loose strands of it from her eyes. He rumbles pleasantly, “Don’t you trust me?”

Euphemia grits her teeth. Her hands come up to grip his wrists, watching him with a prickle of dread in her chest. “Don’t you trust me, Santi?”

Santi’s gaze darkens. Like that, he drops his hands from her, tucking them into the pockets of his slacks as he turns and wanders further into the bedroom, taking all of his warmth with him and leaving Euphie to marinate in the cold glow of the vanity’s lights.

“You can say no,” she says after him, frustrated. “You don’t have to keep an air of mystery about it.”

“What do I do then, tesora?” Santino demands, turning to look at her from the foot of the bed where stands. “Kill her myself? You know I can’t. You know that you cannot ask me to do that.” A pause, and then, with an added air of entitlement: “And Wick owes me.”

There are complicated feelings wrapped up in the whole of it, she knows; Santino, who wants what his sister was given, but cannot bring himself to end her. Euphemia, who only wants Santino, who doesn’t care if he has a seat at the High Table or if he’s a sister-killer or not, who only wants him to look at her longingly like he did when they first met, just for forever instead of a brief moment in time.

And both of them, intrinsically linked, because Santino isn’t wrong when he says that he’s given her everything she has now and Euphemia isn’t wrong when she says she would be okay with nothing again.

She doesn’t ask it of him; he is right, that she can’t, that she wouldn’t. Gianna has only ever been kind to her, at least face to face, and if Santi’s sister had any reservations about Euphemia, then Euphie would find herself in a completely different situation. Not engaged to the only other heir to the D’Antonio empire, that was for certain.

Instead, then, she says, “I cannot ask you to do it, you’re right. I cannot ask you to do it, and I cannot keep you, and I cannot throw you away, Santino. I was less tired when I had nothing.”

She turns away and walks herself into the bathroom, fingers trembling as she undoes the delicate zipper of the gold dress, letting it pool at the floor in a whisper of fabric. The engagement ring sits heavy on her hand. It’s beautiful—and just what she wants, and also the thing that she fears the most, because she doesn’t know what it means to Santino and only what it means to her.

“Euphie.”

His voice comes from the doorway of the bathroom. She turns on the hot water in the tub, a beautiful porcelain clawfoot that she picked herself. It was one of the first things that Santino gifted to her, the first essence of her in the loft that is now almost entirely half-and-half the two of their tastes.

Euphemia doesn’t say anything, because she doesn’t know what to say, so she ties up her hair and shimmies out of the last of her clothes. She can feel his eyes on her, waiting for her to flower into submission and turn around and beg, oh, please Santino, forgive me, but he should know better because she has never and will never do that for him.

“Cara mia.”

“Do not.” Euphemia’s voice wobbles. She slides into the bathtub before it’s full, the water stinging her skin where it touches. “I can’t stand to hear your voice saying sweet things to me when you are willingly walking yourself into your grave.”

“You are being a little dramatic.” He makes his way over to her, kneeling down beside the porcelain tub, ghosting his fingers over her forehead and then the bridge of her nose, fluttering in a way that treasures her and causes her grief all at once. “Just one job, Euphie. That’s all I’m going to ask of him. And then it’s done, and you won’t have to be worried about the Boogeyman.” The pads of his fingers dip into the hot water and then skim along the slope of her collarbone, raising goosebumps on her skin. “And John Wick, whose lifelong peace you are very concerned about, can go back to his dog and his car.”

Euphemia thinks, it’s never just that, with you, because she knows Santino—she knows he’s hungry, has always been hungry, a boy magicked into a man’s skin all hurt and needing and starved, unable to inhibit himself properly. No self-preservation telling him when to stop, never telling him when enough is enough. Not really.

I see you, though, she thought, her gaze flickering over Santino’s face to trace the handsome lines of his expression. She would have never agreed to marry a man before she saw him without his face off; without knowing the monster underneath.

But while she knows this, and she sees Santino D’Antonio for what he really is, she is an idiot and a fool and loves a man sick with the magic of his own perceived destiny, a destiny he believes he is owed, so she says softly, “Promise me, Santi.”

“On my life,” Santino replies with that boyish charm she knows so well. He speaks as though he is not going to leave her in the morning to visit Baba Yaga, as though she doesn’t fear he won’t ever come back. “Now give me a kiss, princesa.”

“I mean it, Santino—”

“I do, too.” He cocks his head to the side. “I won’t ask twice.”

Euphemia acquiesces; not because she fears what he’ll do if he does feel he has to ask twice—because he does hate that—but because as much as she says she would be happy to have nothing again, she is content to bask in the something that she has now, while she has it.

She kisses the corner of his mouth. He slides his damp fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck and says, “Do you love me?”

“Of course.” Her voice feels rough with an emotion she doesn’t want any of. “Of course, Santi, that’s why I—”

“All I need is a yes or no, my little fox, not an essay.”

Her eyes narrow. She turns her face from him; he shifts his position at the end she’s leaned against, dragging his hands along her shoulders to ease the tension in her muscles. Her body reacts instinctively to him. She is a long cry from the girl scamming rich men out of their wallets and time, but there are some things she is still weak to; touch, the acknowledgment that she has a body, that she is real, to be reassured that she is alive.

Santino is so very good at that. He leans over the end of the tub and kisses her cheek, fingers working into the knots of her shoulders.

I am so afraid, she thinks, her eyelashes fluttering shut. I am so afraid that I will never see old age on you.

“Tesora.” His voice is a lull. Pulling her back in, pushing her back under, reminding her that to relinquish herself to someone is a luxury she does not want to go without anymore. To let someone else take control, to not have to worry about making decisions all the time; this is something that she always wants.

“Yes,” Euphie says, “of course I love you, Santi.”

She can feel his smile against her cheek.

“Good girl.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Tell me your favorite words.”

It’s both early and late; the clock’s cool blue numbers are keeping her awake; Santi’s hand slides along the curve of her hip admiringly above the silk of her nightdress, and his nose brushes the bump at the base of her neck. Euphemia shifts. When she does, the edge of her engagement ring catches on the silky pillowcase, but she doesn’t care—it will always do that, because Santi won’t pick another and Euphie won’t ask him to.

Goosebumps prickle along her skin with the air conditioning, cranked as high as she likes, whispers across it when her shoulder slides out from underneath the comforter. She rolls over to look at him. It’s unsurprising that he’s still awake, and he doesn’t look surprised to see she’s awake, either.

“My favorite words?” she prompts. Santino brings his hand to her face, his thumb dragging absently along her lower lip.

“Si,” he replies. “You are always reading. You can speak a few languages. You must have favorite words, no?”

His request does bring a smile to her face, tired as it is. They may have spent the rest of their waking evening wandering around each other like wounded dogs, wary and licking their wounds, but they are here now, together, in their bed.

Euphie says, “It is late, Santi.”

“And I cannot sleep.” He brushes his nose along her jawline. “But perhaps the soothing voice of my one greatest love will lull me.”

She laughs. Her hand finds his, their fingers interlacing, woven together. He pulls back from her and kisses the engagement ring, but he is waiting. He means it.

“Tendresse,” Euphemia says, the word rolling soft out of her mouth from misuse. Santino quirks a brow expectantly and kisses the pulse point of her wrist. “Tenderness.”

He nods sagely. Against the soft skin of the inside of her wrist, he murmurs, “You are a most tender creature, Euphemia D’Antonio.”

Her fingers slide out of his, running along the slope of his cheekbones and then the bridge of his nose. “That is Euphemia Volpe. If you’ll recall, we’re yet to be married.”

Santino leans in, captures her fingertips playfully with his teeth, and then kisses her palm with a warm, rich chuckle that sends pleasant heat spiraling down her spine. “You will never forget that I was fool enough to say that to you, will you?” he asks. “Tell me another.”

His eyes are just as warm as his voice, and twice as earnest. In these moments, Santino is the most charming; boyish and quick-witted, unburdened by the elements of the world, by his own desires. He thinks of nothing except them. Euphemia feels like she’s in her own little world with him, in their bedroom at three in the morning, while the air conditioner whirrs and ticks and he asks her something so unimportant, like what her favorite words are.

And then, Santino leans in and kisses her cheek, the corner of her mouth, and the underside of her jaw to prompt her.

“Amore,” she murmurs, feeling like the breath has been sucked out of her lungs by his longing. His tenderness.

“Oh,” Santino says, against her temple, “I know that one.”

When his stubble tickles her neck, she squirms, shifting away from him so hat she can take a breath; but he chases her, leans in and captures her in his arms so that he can nose the hair by her ear and kiss there.

“Euphie, my gorgeous girl,” he says in the way that wrenches her heart; drenched and drowned in adoration. “Perfetto e tutto mio.”

Santino wraps his arms around her and pulls her to his chest, his fingers tracing constellations on her back where the night dress slips away from her shoulder blades. Sweet Santi, covetous Santi; she is his greatest art piece, his favorite collector’s item, and in these moments she has never felt more treasured. There is something equal parts safe and selfish in wanting someone to treasure you.

“Say it for me, Euphie. You know I love when you do.”

She buries her face into his neck. Her eyes burn. He will go to Baba Yaga tomorrow, and she will have to pretend not to know, or it will wreck her. Euphie considers ways to keep him in bed in the morning; delay him, make him forget about John Wick and this glory that he is chasing forever.

“Sono tuo,” she murmurs. Tears sting at the corners of her eyes If he feels them against his skin, Santino makes no indication than to card his fingers through her hair. “Always, Santi.”

Always, always, always yours.

[moviethoughtswithkate]

Spider-Man: No Way From Home (2021)

Ugh. Honestly, it was terrible. I could not stand it. Its problem is similar to what I talked about with Sleepless in Seattle: the movie is completely unwilling to see the protagonists, especially Spider-Man, in an unsympathetic light. The movie is utterly in love with him and everything he represents and it's impossible to enjoy it if you don't feel the same way. I think the reason it's been so well-received is because a lot of people are in love with Spider-Man, and the MCU, and Tom Holland and Zendaya. (Which is also why I am not going to tag this post yet, lol.) Watching this movie felt like attending a devout, worshipful church service as an atheist.

A non-exhaustive list of my least favourite things about this movie:

The completely incoherent and stupid underlying philosophy. What on earth is the message of this film? The Daily Bugle can easily be read as an allegory for reactionary, conservative, American media. Spider-Man's foes and any characters that possess super powers, really, including Spider-Man himself, are an allegory for the usual targets of this kind of media - immigrants, foreigners, criminals. However, Spider-Man's foes are only bad because they have super powers. Not because they're bad at heart! Everyone deserves a second chance at becoming a good guy. Forcing or coercing the baddies into medical treatment that turns them into acceptable citizens is a great way to achieve this, and also let's just ignore the implications of this for the immigrant/criminal allegory we set up earlier. Spider-Man and his team which consists of his high school girlfriend and high school best friend (oh, and his stupid aunt??) should absolutely be the ones to make this judgement call. There can't be any problem with this because despite some silly mistakes, Spider-Man and the people dearest to him are inherently good and incapable of evil, and ultimately they'll make all the right choices.

The painful, painful dialogue between the multiverse characters. Sooo quirky and witty and heartfelt. #mensupportingmen #mensmentalhealth

The wink nudge nod dialogue about black Spiderman. Poor Donald Glover.

The fanfic-like treatment of Gwen Stacy's death. I snorted out loud.

As Bilge Ebiri noted in his excellent review of this movie in Vulture, "the Tom Holland Spider-Man films have been so eager to please that one does feel like a bit of a crank criticizing them. Nobody should enjoy kicking puppies." So, I'll end with nice things. A few of the broad, slapstick moments that were meant to make me laugh did make me laugh out loud. I mostly enjoyed the earlier scenes between Peter Parker and Dr. Strange. I also enjoyed the earlier scenes of Peter Parker and his best friend and girlfriend just being anxious high schoolers together.

[moonbcrry]

here's the thing with reblogs, for me personally at least, because i have a problem, i want to reblog but then I feel bad for just rebloging because this person did this amazing piece of art and not saying anything seems rude

but then I don't always know what to comment, and then sometimes I feel like i comment too much and the author probably hates me

but when I don't know what to comment I just feel even worse? because I don't want to just do like "i love this" comment because I feel like it's too little, but also not saying anything is worse and at the end of the day I just don't know what to do and I start question my whole entire existence because how, pray tell, am I incapable of using my 2 neurons to write a comment??

so yeah, btw I truly do love your writing and you deserve as many notes as there are users on Tumblr, more even, and I'm very sorry about the gigantic text amd, anyway love you <3

i definitely understand your concerns and overthinking because i do definitely have the same problem while commenting on fics, and this is totally understandable!

but i saw this post (i will reblog it in case if I haven't already) the other day, and i think they explain it very well. also i would like to add my own experience as well because i do also definitely feel awful at leaving no comments at fics !!

i usually use reaction memes under my favourite lines and the times i couldn't pick any lines,, because they all are amazing and I can't copy paste the whole fic at my comment,, i just leave those memes or say shit like "I AM A WHORE FOR THIS MF AND YOU WROTE THEM SO WELL" shitty but it's alright, comment is comment.

AND AND AND AS A WRITER MYSELF I WOULD NEVER EVER NEVER HATE A LONG COMMENT! NEVER! i even scream when I get a one word comment cause it's AAAAAHHG!! but also i would love to have comments with criticism cus i don't mind people telling me if there's something they don't like or wanting to change at my work, nicely ofc. (i mean i study architecture bestie, i thank god when professors didn't spat on my face while giving critics)

i hope this helps you and everyone who struggles with reblogs ♡♡ ty so much for your kind wordss

[lemonade-baby]

The only thing I’m thinking about right now is this post by @alexs-teardrops and it gives me major emotions but I also didn’t want to bombard her reblog’s so please give the original post some love (and @lookatallthosefandoms triple dog dared me and I am physically incapable of backing down from a dare)

Willie insists they go dancing once all the Caleb stuff ends because he’s a hopeless romantic and knows Alex likes dancing

Alex won’t admit that he really doesn’t know how to dance

Alex stole one of Ray’s old suit jackets that he won’t realize is gone (they’re nearly the same size)

Julie and Flynn helped him pick his outfit

it was a little hard since Flynn can’t see him but she’s got a decent memory of what he looks like and she’s a fashion icon

Willie wears something similar to what he wore in Other Side of Hollywood but not the exact same 

He’s got the suit jacket and the shorts and his hair is up in the bun he had

They meet up on the strip and Willie has a mild gay panic because “Jesus fuck Alex”

That’s it

That’s the only reason he can come up with

They “break” into this ballroom

Technically they did but Alex gets anxiety over thinking about it and prefers to say that they’re just visiting

Willie uses his lil powers to get some nice classical music going

the lighting is soft and Alex’s hair is literally almost glowing 

this makes Willie soft and he uses his hand to push it behind Alex’s ear

That makes Alex soft and its just a back and forth of heart eyes 

Willie offers his hand

He knows a bit about how to ballroom dance but he figures he’ll just follow Alex’s lead

Alex just goes “listen, I don’t actually know how to ballroom dance”

“Then we’ll figure it out together”

Alex is extremely, horribly, bad at this.

They’re trying to talk about them but he just keeps stumbling and the convo keeps stopping

He’s tripping over his own own toes and his sneakers are making that horrible screeching sound when ever he stumbles

But Willie is just giggling because he didn’t know anyone could suck at dancing this bad

Alex is apologizing and Willie just can’t stop staring at him like a dork because he’s gay and in love with this 6′ tall himbo idiot that can barely walk

“Take my hand Hotdog”

and Alex does, and straightens himself out 

“It’s pretty much keeping with tempo. That’s like your specialty right?”

Willie doesn’t know much about drums aside from the few things he’s picked up hanging with Alex

This is where the song starts 

It starts with Willie and he’s singing about how life sucked before he met Alex

And Alex joins in at the chorus (I can’t come up with one for shit so feel free to)

and the camera angle just keeps circling them like in a Disney movie

and when it ends Alex is smiling all goofily and dumbstruck in love

“see, wasn’t so bad Hotdog”

“yeah well, there’s certainly a lot to like here” (MIRRORING EP 5)

Willie is just so fucking shocked he grabs the back of Alex’s neck and pulls him into a kiss

And Alex doesn’t compute at first but once he does he just pulls Willie deeper into the kiss

and when they finally break Alex quietly goes “wowza”

I will die on this hill thanks to Owen

and Willie smirks because “wtf (questioning)” but also “wtf (affectionate)”

and there’s not much else to be said before a security guard comes in because lights and music past hours usually = burglars or something

and they instinctively grab hands

Willie feels how tense Alex is and gives his hand a lil squeeze and he calms down almost immediately

and Willie just pulls his arm a little and goes “c’mon” and they poof out

okay that’s the end and I’m crying this didn’t help my emotions at all sorry its so long but it had to be done

[potassium-pilot]

Prompt 14: Commend

“Uh…hey there, Haurchefant. You’re not mad, right?”

The Lord Commander told her how it took six knights to wrestle him back to his post, keep him from rushing to her side in the face of Shiva. He certainly looked as though he fought off a small militia, what with the ragged hair and the small bruises on his cheeks.

His arms were folded. A stern look fell over his face. This was not a happy man.

“What were you thinking, Dia?!” he exclaimed. This took her aback. For as long as she’d known him, he’d been quite polite, always using a gentle tone of voice with her. To hear him scold her so was…different, to say the least.

“Wagering your very being on a dubious theory which might allow you to enter Iceheart’s lair- knowing full well that she could have sufficient forewarning to complete her ritual to summon Shiva, anyway…? And then- And then- engaging the abomination in mortal combat?!”

“…Chief, that’s a morning warm-up for me.”

“By the Fury, Dia!” He was in no mood for her cavalier attitude towards her heroic actions. “‘Tis the stuff of ballads! A battle for the ages!” He slammed a fist on his desk and continued, “Would that I could have been there to fight by your side!”

“Haurchefant, you would have been tempered!”

“Yet, here I was, forced to wait- condemned to wonder at the fate of a dear friend for a veritable eternity! I would not wish such torture on my most hated enemy…”

The tension on his shoulders started to release, the fire in his words began to dim, and whatever appearance of civility he could muster returned. He let out a long sigh as if to release the anger through his breath, and said while attempting to sound calm, “…but you are here now, and that is what truly matters…”

“Chief…do you need a hug?”

He shot a devastating glare at her, making Alphinaud leave the room before the tempers would flare. “I’m serious!” she assured, “I wish I could have told you that I was going, but the moment sort of just…came together perfectly. Time was of the essence.” He shook his head. “I know. But truly, no reinforcements, Dia?! None whatsoever?!”

“Unless you have another fighter who can resist tempering, it’s hard to ask that of someone.”

“Ser Aymeric couldn’t even think of a contingency plan, should you have fallen?!”

Dia felt the crease of the missive from him in her pocket. She took it from the Temple Knight, who attempted to read it aloud for her, after pointing out to him, “I can read, you know”, and read it through silently before entering the amphitheatre.

“That’s the Scions’ job.”

“Well, what is their contingency plan should you have been mortally wounded? Is there a batallion of blessed champions that secretly lies in wait in the Rising Stones?” he questioned sarcastically.

“No, there isn’t.”

“Then how do they ensure your safety? Surely, they understand that if you go, so too does the future of the realm.”

She hesitated, feeling incredibly obstinate in the face of his challenges, but was ultimately forced to concede to that one with an “I don’t know.”

“There’s nothing that they do to make sure that the Savior of Eorzea can continue to save Eorzea?”

“There’s nothing they can do, I just go in and do what needs to be done.”

“But why?” he asked incredulously, “What good does it do for anyone to leave you as the only one capable of defeating these monstrosities?”

“I don’t know, Haurchefant! Okay?! I don’t know! But I am the only one, and there’s nothing that can be done to change that!” She reached the end of her rope with an argument that should have ended before it even began when she opened her mouth. It was his turn to express shock, his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised. His usually calm and collected dear friend, quick with a joke and happy to help, has put in place an impenetrable defense. She revealed a crack, however, when she took a breath and admitted, “A break would be nice.”

The two of them took a deep breath together to release the tension at the same time.

“What do you acquire from doing this, my friend?” he asked calmly, carefully tiptoeing about the topic to ensure they don’t fall back into hostility. She kept her cool and answered with a soft smile, “Adventure.” She let out a dharp breath from her nose. “I wish I knew why, but…there was always something about exploration that drew me. I love journeying into the unknown, I love seeking new paths…but sometimes, it’s nice to rest and know my surroundings.”

Haurchefant hummed in a tone that indicated both satisfaction and curiosity. “‘Tis interesting to hear your prerogative, Dia. Many take adventurers to be self-serving, glory-seeking ignoramuses.”

“That’s because a solid majority of them are just that.” She shook her head at the notion. “Glory feels rather hollow when you’ve seen just where it lands you. No, I’m an adventurer because there’s much to see and do…but I think I’ve seen enough for a while.”

He flashed his winning smile and assured, “None deserve respite more than you, my friend. Take heart, and enjoy what you have accomplished for now. I apologize if my venting of my anxieties have dampened your victory.”

She returned the smile and replied, “No, it didn’t. Call me weird, but…there’s something refreshing about someone close reminding me that what I do could kill me. Everyone always seems so sure that I’ll emerge victorious.”

‘Was there every any doubt that the Warrior of Light would succeed’, Alphinaud’s words rang in her head.

“There is never a guarantee in battle. I feel young Alphinaud should learn such a concept if he is to lead men.” Haurchefant shook his head and sat back in his chair. “You are indeed blessed as Hydaelyn’s champion, but you remain mortal, with limits. You have escaped the impossible on more than one occasion, but nothing that you’ve survived was incapable of killing you. I would much rather know that if you were in danger, that someone, preferably myself, would be there to do everything they could to protect you.”

She stared to the floor. “You very much are a knight, Chief. You couldn’t have protected me from Shiva.”

“Perhaps not, but it would be remiss of me not to try.” Haurchefant snapped back into reality when he reminded himself of orders he received. “Ah, Ser Aymeric wished to have words with you and Master Alphinaud in private. He awaits us in the Intercessory.”

“Ughhhh, do I have to?”

Haurchefant replied to her groans with laughter in his voice, “Is there something wrong with the notion?”

“I already had to accompany him back to Camp Dragonhead. If he needed to exchange words with me, he could have done so from Whitebrim, but we barely said a word to each other. We didn’t even look at each other. I don’t get it- I saved his people from a primal. Did I do something wrong here?”

Haurchefant knew exactly why the Lord Commander would do such a thing. A conference with the Warrior of Light was one thing, but a personal interaction? No work or other business to buffer? And with such a stoic hero (or so she pretends to be), seemingly larger than life? The man was probably a puddle.

“Perhaps he just wanted Master Alphinaud there to say these words to as well. Pray, go on ahead without me, Dia. Another matter requires my attention, but I shall join you anon.”

“Fine, but hurry up. I don’t want another awkward silence, especially if Alphinaud tries to harangue him into joining the Alliance again.”

“Halone be good, you must stop him if he tries again.”

“The kid’s tongue has a mind of it’s own, I swear. If he tries, maybe I’ll cast Repose on him.” Haurchefant laughed at what he hoped was a joke as she left the office to see for just what he requested privacy.

*************

Would Minfilia yell at me if I kicked Alphinaud in the head, Dia thought. For whatever genius he proclaims to be blessed with, subtlety consistently managed to escape his grasp. That in mind, she was more than a little relieved to understand fully the intention of their dealmakers. All they hid was a desire to keep the Garleans away, a desire she shared personally.

With that done, she followed the young Brave’s Commander out of the intercessory.

“Er, Dia, if I may have a moment…”

Or she would have, had Ser Aymeric not stopped her from doing so.

“I have no idea if there will ever be enough thanks for what you’ve done, but… I would like once more to say it: Thank you, Dia. Your risk was unimaginable, and that you were so willing to do it for a country you barely know… it’s astounding. While we owe the Scions much, to whom we’ll begin to repay by delivering supplies to Revenant’s Toll, I would also like to find some way to repay you personally. Mere words feel insufficient.”

Dia felt unsure what to make of the Lord Commander, but she appreciated the thought.

“Don’t worry about it”, she replied with a soft smile. She nodded to him and turned around to finally return to Revenant’s Toll.

Once she was out of the building, she retrieved the missive from her pocket, and re-read it once more to herself.

Inside the intercessory, Aymeric turned to Haurchefant with a question in mind that the lord of Camp Dragonhead could read with ease with the expression he wore on his face.

“Haurchefant, you’ve grown rather close with her, have you not?”

“As one should expect with one’s dear friends, yes. Why do you ask?” Haurchefant attempted to bury any hint of amusement.

“Have I insulted her? Has she said anything to you?”

He failed to hide it and released a closed-mouth chuckle.

“Ser Aymeric, she asked the same of you!”

His eyes widened in mortification, and his jaw dropped slightly. That he should be perceived as being insulted by someone like her, as if he had the nerve, felt unsettling.

“I…”

“She mentioned the return trip to Camp Dragonhead was… not the most pleasant of exchanges, to put it nicely. Now, Dia tends to do more than say, so it can be hard to interact; I cannot fault you for struggling to communicate. She does take some time to warm up, but with all due respect, Ser Aymeric, you must offer the hearth. I did so, and now, I couldn’t ask for a better friend and ally. You might find the same results, and clear up any misunderstandings, an important step if you truly wish to express personal gratitude.”

Aymeric kept his gaze to the floor. “Thank you for your candor, Haurchefant.” Soon after, he turned and exited the Intercessory alongside Lucia.

Haurchefant stayed behind to think. Perhaps it would be best to refrain from further intercession; ‘tis so amusing to watch Aymeric like this, he mused.

[princip1914]

A few thoughts on writing longfic

I’ve had this post brewing for a while and I figured since today is a Friday I might as well let it out into the wild. 

First off, this is not writing advice. I don’t feel qualified to give writing advice. This is a few observations I’ve made over the course of trying to write something that feels, well, long. Fandom is full of excellent authors writing long chaptered fic, but I don’t see a lot of people talking about how they go about producing such fics. I remember feeling like long fic was really out of reach for me when I started writing again in the summer of 2019 after not writing for years and years and I wanted to talk a bit about how that changed for me. Of course, this post comes with all the caveats that there is no need to ever write long fic if you’re not feeling it. Some of my favorite authors write mostly or only oneshots! But, if you are interested, here’s my lengthy, self indulgent, and entirely personal take on ~the longfic process~ below the cut. 

First, to get this out of the way: long fic is anything that feels long or complicated to you, the author. “I’m working on my long fic” can mean that you’re branching out from microfiction to write something that’s 2k long, or it can mean you’ve got a multi-part 800k epic. There’s no objective measure of if something is “long fic,” Your own personal definitions can also change as you grow in confidence or change your focus as a writer (a little over a year ago when I finished Doubt Thou the Stars are Fire topping out at 31k, that felt very very long to me. Now it feels….still long, but not very very long.) 

Here are a few specific things that helped me write something long. I don’t know if they will be interesting for anyone else, but at the very least writing these down has been a fun way for me to reflect on my own process. 

Practice exercises. Ok, this is going to sound exceedingly obvious, but writing one shots prepares you for writing chaptered fic. Here’s what I mean more specifically: if you know you want to write (as a totally hypothetical example) a chaptered fic set in America in the summer that relies heavily on a nature metaphors, is written out of chronological order, and features a melancholy tone--it helps to write a few one shots like that before you embark on the Big Fic. Just like artists tend to do sketches before starting a big piece, it’s very helpful to write something small that gives you a feel for the ~vibe~ of what you’re trying to do in the long fic. It’s helpful for all the usual reasons--you get to know a specific version of the characters which helps plan out a character driven plot for the long fic--but it’s also helpful because you will learn if the tone and mood of the fic has enough staying power to capture your interest for the long haul. For instance, I have a few unfinished chaptered fics that have a humorous tone. I wish I had done more short humorous fics before starting them, because I would have realized that I don’t currently have the mental stamina to hold up a humorous tone for the length of a chaptered fic (hopefully that will change and I will finish Last Days some time this century!). 

Plan it out ahead of time. I used google sheets for The False and the Fair. I do not think God intended google sheets to be used for fiction, but that was not going to stop me. On a more serious note, I think the best tool for planning fiction is the one you’re the most comfortable with--the notes app in your phone, handwriting, word, google drive, sheets, chalk board, summoning circle, the blood of your enemies, etc. The reason I chose to use sheets is that I knew from the very beginning that I wanted certain things to happen at specific places in the story--for instance, I wanted the first kiss to happen at the end of the first third of the story and I wanted the “reveal” about the mine accident to happen at the end of the second third of the story. But, I didn’t know what was supposed to go in between those elements. A traditional outline for a story at this point in development might have looked like: 

Meet cute

Kiss

Reveal 

Ending 

But, what my brain needed was to preserve the blank spaces in between these story elements, and specifically to preserve the right amount of blank space between these story elements so that it didn’t end up, for instance, that the first kiss was halfway through rather than a third of the way through. In this way, I found google sheets an invaluable tool for pacing in the early parts of the planning process. I simply made 30 rows assuming 30 chapters, and started plugging in the elements I knew I wanted in the locations I wanted them. Then I filled in the blank spaces by asking myself “how do we get from X plot element to Y plot element in Z amount of chapters.” I’m not a mountain climber, but I’ve often thought about the first things that go into the spreadsheet in terms of mountain climbing terminology.  In climbing, a crux move, which can be anywhere along the route, is the most difficult move of the route: if you can’t do it, you can’t do the route. I think of the first things that go into the planning spreadsheet as the crux moves of the story, the most important pieces around which everything else turns. It was not an accident that those were also all the first scenes of the fic that I wrote; if I couldn’t do those scenes, I couldn’t do the story the way I planned it so I wanted to know early on if I needed to make changes.

Make changes if you have to: even though it helps to have things planned in advance, don’t resist the story if it tries to change on you while you’re writing it. Usually the feeling that you have to make changes stems from having a plot that is not entirely character driven. As you write the story, the characters reveal themselves and sometimes the plot has to change to change with the characters’ motivations. Here’s an area where fanfic writers have a leg up on everyone else: if you write fic, you already know the characters really well. That means, (in my experience anyway) it’s less likely that you’ll have a surprise character development which leads to a rethinking of the whole plot. Less likely, but not completely unlikely, unfortunately.

Lie to yourself: The False and the Fair was supposed to be 90k words. I thought that sounded reasonable, a little less than 3x the longest fic I had ever written. Now it's 161k and will probably top out a little over 170k. Ooops. But I never would have set out to write something that long. I wouldn’t have thought I could do it, even though anyone more experienced looking at my plans for the fic probably would have laughed at the idea I could cover all those plot points in 90k. Ignorance is bliss. Protect your ignorance.

Scrivener: Long fic for me means “fic that is long enough you can’t hold all the parts of it in your head at once.” That’s where Scrivener comes in (or another app if you’d rather, but I really like Scrivener for the ability to see the project either linearly or as condensed notecards). You can put together an organizational scaffold in Scrivener that allows you to move back and forth between the forest and the trees. So, for instance, you might be going for a jog and come up with the perfect line of dialogue for chapter 27 when you’re only up to chapter 5 in terms of writing progress. With Scrivener, you can go home, and put that dialogue in the “bucket”/index card/whatever for chapter 27 without compromising your ability to see chapter 5 clearly or muddying up your google doc. You can then use the fact that you’ve started writing bits and pieces of the later chapters in conjunction with the tool of lying to yourself that, actually, you’ve written a lot more of the fic than you realize and that when you get to chapter 27 it won’t be as hard as chapter 5 because you’ve put in the groundwork already. In my experience, this lie turns out to be true about 50% of the time, which is better than 0% of the time.

Digestible mini arcs: The False and the Fair was originally broken up into thirds. I thought it would be 90k and 30k was the longest I had written, so thirds seemed to make sense. Also, 3 is a nice, time honored storytelling number. I think it’s good to give yourself seemingly achievable milestones along the way to completion. These milestones (for me anyway) lined up well with the “crux moments” I’ve described. If you’re someone who likes to write out of order, writing your way to an already written milestone can feel like sailing to an island where you get to rest for a bit from the stormy seas before setting out for the next island in the archipelago.

“It's all part of the process”: I’m categorically incapable of describing things without resorting to running metaphors, and so I apologize in advance, but I am now going to do the insufferable thing of comparing writing a long fic to running a marathon. Here’s the thing with a marathon. You are not going to feel good every step of the way. We all know this. It’s a marathon, it’s supposed to hurt a little bit, especially at the end. In the same way you literally cannot write something novel length or even novella or long short story length without, at least at some point, feeling bad about yourself and your writing. But you also can’t run a marathon if the whole thing is agony, and for most people, it’s not--your meat sack shuffling along the course is subjected to the slings and arrows of all sorts of weird body chemistry that only happens when you push it to its limits. So, you’ll be in agony and then the endorphins will kick in for a while and you’ll be thinking “this isn’t nearly as bad as everyone said,” and then you’ll drink some water at a rest stop and feel like a God for half a mile before you crash and you’re in agony again until that one perfect song comes up on the playlist...and you get the idea. Writing something long, for me at least, is a bit like that. There are massive ups and downs. The key for me is to just understand it’s all part of the process, a necessary step on the way to the finish line. If the fic is 10 chapters long, at some point you have to write chapter 5. Just like you have to write chapter 5, at some point you also have to go through a bit of despair before reaching the end. It is unfortunately non-optional. In fact, despairing is something you can check off your list each time you’ve done it. Cut dialogue tags, check. Feel awful about my writing for thirty minutes, check. Write ending section, check. Often I feel that the stress and shame and fear that come with bad emotions while writing are worse than the bad emotions themselves. It really helps me to remember these emotions are all part of the process and nothing to worry about. If I didn’t have them, then I would worry! 

I certainly have plenty more to say about writing, but this ramble has gone on long enough. If you’re interested in any of this stuff, please feel free to send me an ask. 

I would also love to know more about everyone else’s writing processes, so feel free to pop into my ask box to talk about your own approach too! I am very interested in this stuff! 

[myrmidryad]

20 Questions - Writer’s Edition

Tagged by @lambourngb thank you! 💗

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

81 total, mostly Les Mis and RNM.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,557,760 holy shit I’ve written over a million words 😵

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

On AO3, not counting the universes I’ve written fusions with, there are seven: Les Mis, Roswell New Mexico, Merlin, MCU, Young Avengers, X-Men, and Vikings.

On ff.net, nine more: Teen Titans, Xiaolin Showdown, Transformers, Naruto, Narnia, Hellboy, Artemis Fowl, Lord of the Flies, and Skins.

Some fics are on both, but when I moved to AO3 I mostly left the ones I didn’t think were good enough to expose to a new audience. And gone from the internet forever (probably) is the Maximum Ride fanfic I wrote and posted to a forum back in the day. RIP that fic.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

from one side to the other (Les Mis, exr soulmate oneshot)

sentimental you and faithful me (Les Mis, exr bodyswap oneshot)

Just Another Guy With A Bow (Avengers, Clint/Coulson, Clint origin fic)

potentially lovely, perpetually human (Les Mis, exr empath!Enjolras)

This brave new world’s not like yesterday (Les Mis, exr the bowling alley fic)

5. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

If there’s a rocket, tie me to it is one of the first Les Mis fics I wrote, and it’s uhhhh very canon in that everyone dies. In my head it was kind of a partner fic to <a pattern in the system> A Bullet In The Gun, which was also a dystopia fic, but that one had a happy ending, and I wanted to go again and have the canon ending for Les Amis. And I think that might have been the last unhappy ending I ever wrote? I like happier endings way better!

6. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Basically all of them have happy endings, especially the long ones that actually have plots! But I’m going to pick Finding You, because I skidded canon to the left to force events into happiness before tragedy could ever strike, and spun that out into a nice long roadtrip with lots of happiness and love and friendship, ending on a great big optimistic note that everyone’s future would be just as happy and unstruck by tragedy. I reread chunks of this fic all the time for the good vibes.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

I’ve written a bunch of fusions, but I think the only one that actually counts as a crossover is Fighting the Hurricane, which is a Les Mis/Pacific Rim fic. I’m not sure if my Les Mis/Oglaf fic is a crossover or a fusion, but it’s definitely the craziest one I’ve written just because Oglaf itself is so off the wall - Sharpshooter.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I looooooove writing smut, of all kinds. I’ve written a lot of bdsm smut in particular for Les Mis, and weirdly almost none for RNM, idk what that’s about.

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I usually do these days, though on multi-chap fics if I’m posting a chapter a day or similarly quickly, I’ll wait and reply only the last chapter. I didn’t used to reply to comments at all unless they were particularly stand-out or asked a question, which was following the example of other writers, more than anything else. I also had the notion that people do sometimes use the number of comments on a fic as a metric to judge whether to give it a go or not, and replies massively skew that count.

I reply now, or try to. Um, confused widgeon, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry I haven’t replied to your comments from July 2020 yet. They were too nice and I got overwhelmed. One day I’ll get to them!

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Lol yes, I was weirdly pleased and immediately deleted it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I’ve had a couple of people ask about it before, but idk if it went anywhere.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I co-wrote very bad Transformers fic with my best friend in secondary school and we had a great time. Shout out @scythling! Since then though, no. I’m too precious over creative control, I think, and I quite like writing in a vacuum.

14. What's your all time favourite ship to write for?

Of all time is tricky. Enjolras/Grantaire will have to take the trophy though, I think. They’re iconic!

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I have a bunch I’ve abandoned and accepted that I’ve abandoned, too many to list, so I’m not counting those because I know I’m never finishing them. Of the ones that are still in my WIP folders...there are also too many to list, but only a handful I’d be sad about never coming back to. I think the main one is probably Underground Dreaming, which would be very difficult to finish for multiple reasons, the main one being that I always envisioned it as open-ended. But I am sad that I stalled out on posting more than a few fics in that series. Too much research can kill the muse!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and spooky atmospheres. Love me a spooky atmosphere.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I use ‘grinned’ way too much. Dialogue tags in general, but ‘grinned’ in particular. And I’ve developed a real problem with length, where I’ve become almost incapable of writing short fic. Which isn’t necessarily bad, exactly - length is needed for some of the stories I want to tell, but being concise isn’t something that comes naturally to me anymore.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Language barriers are one of my favourite things to write, actually, but because I’m very much not fluent in anything but English, I shy away from putting in actual words from other languages. I’d much rather have a whole exchange or speech in another language actually written all in English, with the difference indicated either by outright saying the character/s are speaking in another language or by altering the grammar and sentence structure.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Either Teen Titans or Xiaolin Showdown.

20. What's your favourite fic you've written?

Shadow Work is something I’m going to be proud of till I die, probably.

I think a lot of people have already been tagged so uhhhhhh if you haven’t done it already or want to @beautifulcheat @sugarfey @im-the-punk-who @gritkitty @maeglinthebold @daughterofelros @dotsayers

[littleoddwriter]

Touch | Roman Sionis x TransMale!Reader

"hewwo can i request Roman with a ftm reader who is really affectionate physically , roman has to act like he doesn't care about it around other people but he secretly loves it and enjoys it when they are alone and specially in the bedroom" - anon A/N: I really hope this is to your liking ‘cause it ended up really fluffy and stuff, idk, I got lost in this.

summary; You’re a very physically affctionate person, which Roman needed some getting used to first. Yet, he loves your little touches. He also loves touching you.

notes; TRANSMale!Reader, who is post-Top Surgery; slight mention of Gender Dysphoria; Roman’s usual pet names for Reader in my fics (so slight Daddy Kink, but no actual mention of that particular word); Touching; Loving Touches; Lying in bed after sex; Scars/Top Surgery Scars; Fluff.

You have always been a physically affectionate person and some people loved it, some people tolerated it, and some people hated it. Though, of course, you tried to leave those alone that hated it; but when they were your boyfriend, best friend or someone as similarly close to you, it just wasn't easy for you to keep your hands to yourself. You liked to squeeze someone's arm, rub your hand over their arms or thighs, poke them, hug them and just keep close to them. It was how you showed affection best and it made you feel calm, good.

Roman didn't like to be touched, especially not in public, nor did he like it when he was touched unprompted. He needed to initiate the touch or else he would break the fingers of whoever dared to lay their hand upon him. Zsasz, thus far, has been the only person, who was allowed to touch him on his own accord. With you, one more person was added to those who were granted the privilege of touching him like that. Although he had to reprimand you several times in the beginning, as you went a little overboard with it in public sometimes. As time went by, he got used to your touches. He even started missing them, when they weren't there, when you were in public and he could see you physically restraining yourself not to lay a hand on him. In all honesty, he enjoyed it when your hands were on him, gently rubbing, squeezing or even just laying there, unmoving. It was always such a soft, gentle pressure and warmth that made him feel content. Naturally, he couldn't show that in front of other people, so when you ended up having a hand on his thigh or arm in public settings, he acted like he didn't even notice it. He acted as if his heart didn't skip a beat and as if there wasn't a pleasant - yet, to him, still unfamiliar - heat unfurling in his stomach. He acted as if that simple touch didn't send electricity through his body, starting from the spot your hand laid on. When you were in the privacy of his loft, he would let himself enjoy your touches openly, reciprocating them even. One thing he especially loved, which was something so special with you only, was the set of long, twin scars under your pectorals. The scars that have mostly faded by now due to constant attention and treatment for them. They were also covered in a light dusting of chest hair, that he loved to run his hands through. Yet, he was the most fascinated by those twin scars, running his fingers over them, following the thickened scar tissue from one side to the other. To him, it couldn't be more beautiful. To him, it couldn't make you more perfect. His parents had always preached how important it was to have his outer appearance to be absolutely flawless because apparently that was the thing they needed to be concerned about the most. They pushed this ideal onto him and put him in a box he was still trying to get out of sometimes. So, seeing your scars was somewhat comforting to him. Just like with Zsasz, your scars had a purpose, a story; and they were magnificent to him. Just like in this moment, after you have had sex and taken a shower together afterwards, because God forbid, if Roman Sionis stayed sweaty and filthy from sex in bed any longer than was necessary. He was lying on his stomach, one arm propped up, so he could hold his head up with his hand. The other hand was busy stroking over your scars, as you lied on your back. Your head was tilted so you could look at him, a fond smile on your lips. One of your hands was at the back of his neck, gently rubbing circles in it. He smiled softly, feeling content. He could stay like this forever. "You really like them, huh?" You asked after a while, chuckling softly. He hummed, "I do. They are beautiful, my little prince." You averted your eyes, a bashful look and smile on your face. "Really? I often look at them and wish they weren't there at all, y'know? Anyone who sees them knows..." "Hush, that's not true. They aren't as prominent anymore as you think. Not only that, but it's also not anyone's fucking business. Then you have scars there. Now, what? Does it make you less of a man? No, it doesn't." "It doesn't," you whispered in time with him. Running his hand through your chest hair, gently, lovingly, he shifted to lean into you, so your faces were barely an inch apart anymore. "What other people might think or say about you doesn't matter. I know, I know, it's not like you can just turn that part of your brain off. I get it. You know I do. But you know I'm right. You know they don't fucking matter. They are fake fucking fucks." You both grinned at that, it was one of your favourite things of him to say. You sighed then, "I know, Roman. Thank you. I never really expected, well, any of this, to be honest." "What exactly?" He asked, genuinely curious about what you meant. You bit your lip, averting your eyes once more. "Just... having found someone who likes me for who I am. Having them reassure me and shut down my negative thoughts. Having them stand up for me when someone upsets me. Being able to sit here with them, in a quiet, honest and beautiful moment. To name a few things." By the end you looked at him again, though it took you some effort, due to your anxiety running wild with what you've just said. "Aw, baby, I'm actually fucking glad I can be all that for you. I've never been interested in relationships or other people for that matter. Sure, a quick fuck here and there is always nice and especially easy to get, but I despised everything deeper. For a long time, I felt incapable of it. Yet, here we fucking are, having a sentimental moment. Almost fucking unbelievable." He smirked, pinching your nipple teasingly when he was finished. Out of reflex you slapped his hand away from your nipple and chuckled. You quickly sobered up, though. "I mean it, Roman. When I say that I love you. I don't think I've ever felt this strongly for anyone else," you said sternly, intertwining your fingers with his on top of your chest. "I know, baby." He couldn't make himself say it. It always got stuck in his throat. No thanks to his parents, of course. You smiled at him, gently, and so full of love for him. He could practically see it in your eyes, just as it was written all over your face. Roman lifted your intertwined hands up and to his lips, pressing a sweet kiss on your knuckles. With a sigh, he closed his eyes. "You know I feel the same, right?" He asked reluctantly, quietly. "I do. And like I've said before; you don't have to say it back. Your actions speak far louder than words ever could." Grinning, he leaned in to close the little distance that has kept your lips from touching thus far, and pressed a kiss to your lips, which you reciprocated enthusiastically. Perhaps for the first time in his life, Roman felt completely content and at peace.