#also apparently but not surprisingly the scent of burnt wood is a trigger for me! a new knowledge
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#my posts#look. this is gonna be a#vent#so like. i dont really recommend anyone reads it really#but i dont think just. swallowing this is gonna be good for me bc i think im about to. idk. like i feel like shit so yeah#ok i think thats enough. if youre reading this you probably had to expand my tags. not forcing this into anyone so i can just. go on#. lately stuff has been. shit. i mean my mental health. im having trouble dealing with this. i guess i just need to properly break down but#i cant even just cry wether i want to or no. and man i want to usually like sometimes im going on about my day ans i just wanna cry#simply bc im alive and exist and have to keep living a life and im tired i guess. everything is tiring and i feel like im not living really#but you just keep going until you break right?so thats what i do i guess.trying to keep my shit together and not really sure if im. managing#and man i feel like im so close to start up on the unhealthy coping mechanisms idk how ive been avoiding it lmao#also apparently but not surprisingly the scent of burnt wood is a trigger for me! a new knowledge#having it means nothing tho! bc i cant stop people outside from stuff like that and not people at homd either but at home it shouldnt be#that often i guess but. but man i. guess what i mean is that i feel like when i went to the grocery store and felt that scent on the street#i just had to fight myself the entire time at the store to not get a lighter so i could burn some wood skewers i have in my room#and to then do that to myself. guess bad habits die hard. or dont die at all. but. fuck. i havent done that in. years.but now my chest hurts#anw my heart is beating too fast and im surprised im not exactly shaking but i feel. like shit. like i can usually handle feeling this bad#but everythings currently just.too much?and i dont really know what to do about it besides not allowing myself stuff like buying the lighter#ans like. i should feel proud i didnt do it right? but instead it just makes me feel.. worse. this is. stupid. and pathetic. man.#ugh yeah i guess this is it. i dont really feel better but idk what else to do about it so i guess thats it. i hope this is the last i post#about todays mental breakdown#lmao imagine being mentally stable. gonna go try to not think for a while or just check stuff online or whatever bye myself and this post
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