#also am I the only one who thinks that Jenny reminds him of Rose

[sankta-wraith]

I hope Jenny comes back at some point. Even if she doesn’t stay with the Doctor, I think just knowing that she’s alive and well would really help him. I just want to see some more of their interactions, and/or his reaction to finding out that she’s alive. Even if it’s only one episode, I need to see more of him being a girldad.

[mimik-u]

Fragments III, 1-100

300 drabbles about Steven Universe/Future, 100 words each! These are the first 100 prompts and writer’s choices that have been fulfilled.

Asterisks are placed next to my personal favorites that I’ve written.

Baggage* — Steven meets his new therapist!

Eternity —How about a Bellow interaction you've always wanted to see in canon but didn't get to?

Foe —Jasper is simultaneously satisfied and yet left deeply empty inside by her self-isolation on Earth, and doesn't understand how to even begin to process this dichotomy. (So she doesn’t.)

Letter — Young Greg's POV when he wrote those letters to his parents Steven found on Mr. Universe episode.

Sword —Connie interacting with someone she doesn't usually talk to by herself (ex Jasper, Bismuth, Lapis, etc.).

Reconciliation — Idk about you but I wanna see more Mega Pearl. The others have not met Mega Pearl.

Marks —How about... Spinel, and the tiny, everyday baby steps towards healing?

Tangled — Peridot finds out/is told about PD/RQ? (And is confirmed in her guess that Pearl is fancy...?)

Challenge* — How is Steven’s TubeTube channel doing?

Bruises — Priyanka tends to Connie's wounds after training sessions with Pearl. [Writer’s Choice]

Rest* — Yellow Diamond gets to relax. (She's the one who most expresses regret and real understanding. Let her take a nap! She deserves it!)

Barbecue* — Post-movie, during cleanup, Steven and Lars talk and plan the BBQ we got a glimpse at during the final song.

Ghost — Yellowtail and Greg talk about fatherhood and how it can be ruined (mentioning Marty and Greg's father subtly).

UNO* — Date between Pearls (platonic or otherwise).

Height — The pebbles!!! They're so small???? Where are they? *Sobs, points at the Heaven and Earth Beetles.*

Embrace — Steven gets a well-deserved cuddle pile from family and friends.

Constructs — Bismuth and Peridot have a lot more in common than they think.

Horns — Amethyst makes an unexpected new friend at Little Homeschool. (Whichever other character you feel would fit best!)

Garden — Pre-show scene. While having a funny chat, Greg mentions something that reminds Rose about her abandoning Spinel, which makes her regret more of her choices.

Advice — Garnet can tell when Stevonnie has a lot on their mind. [Writer’s Choice.]

Hum — Yellow and her relationship with music.

Love* — Pearl considering her romantic feelings towards someone and thinking about how she's finally moving on from Rose. (Doesn't mean she'll ever forget her.)

Kid — A glimpse into “Sadie Killer.” Maybe when they played their first show, while Steven was still in the band. Celebrating afterward or a discussion on why Steven didn't stay IN the band?

Troubleshooting* — Integration of gem communication networks and Earth Internet and phone lines and the resulting inevitable disaster.

Fairytale — Connie gets a tour of Little Homeworld.

Hope — Jasper finally starting to let her guard down and realize her self worth.

Song* — As for prompts... Steg? Like, him in general, just being himself. It's a bummer we only got to see him in the movie.

Mistakes* — Steven talking to someone (not a therapist, just another character) about his trauma?

Forgiveness — The Topaz fusion reconnects with the Crystal Gems at Little Homeschool and apologizes for her role in the kidnapping all those years ago.

Visions — Sapphire and Ruby reflect on the events of "Together Forever." [Writer’s Choice]

Reunited — Maybe a scene where Yellow comes home from a long escapade and is reunited with a worried Spinel?

Beginnings — After CYM, Lapis and Peridot discuss where to live since the barn is destroyed.

Pet* — White Diamond happily announces one day that she has decided to take in a small creature (of your choosing) as a pet.

Together — What were Doc, Army, Navy, and Leggy doing during Future?

Desert — Steven meeting Lion from Lion's perspective. I dunno, I think it could be neat.

Freedom — For a post-CYM/SU:F prompt, what do you think about the exact moment it hit either Blue or Yellow Pearl that they were completely free to follow their whims?

Apologies — Greg apologizes to Steven due to the incident in “Mr. Universe” and both have the talk they should've had in that episode.

Change — Blue and Yellow Zircon's relationship has improved even if they are now rivals in the new democratic Homeworld. This last tiny bit is related to the “Homeworld Bound” episode.

Hug — Bellow cuddling. Yellow has no idea what to do, but Blue is loving it.

Valentine* — Steven gives Peridot a Valentine's Day gift. [Writer’s Choice]

Spite — Aquamarine and Eyeball are distraught at knowing they won't be rewarded for their actions because their worst enemy, Steven Universe, has been labeled a hero and royalty by the Diamonds.

Reevaluation — How about more Peedee and Steven friendship? Like, Peedee noticing Steven’s change in demeanor the farther along the show we get?

Camp — Connie kicking ass at space camp.

Family — The night after the events of the movie, Steven gets some quality family time.

Homestretch — Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth spend time together while preparing Little Homeworld.

Enough — We know what Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck are gonna do for their futures, but what's Kiki been up to? Is she gonna take over the pizzeria?

Spillage — Vidalia and Amethyst catch up after Steven's monster episode.

Reformation — White Diamond has learned how to be so extremely empathetic to the point that she literally becomes another person, but has she really begun to understand others?

Comment* — Sardonyx makes some Internet videos.

Unicorn — While traveling through California, Steven encounters two fishermen arguing about unicorns. [SU/GF crossover.] [Writer’s Choice]

Worry — Andy and Greg stay in touch.

Homerun* — I hopal for Opal—perhaps she will attempt some baseball.

Skydancer — Post-CYM, Pearl getting to “truly” take Steven out for a joy ride through the cosmos in a properly operational ship of her design.

Mercy* — The shattering-is-wrong discussion between Rose and Bismuth that led to Bis being bubbled.

Happy — Smoky Quartz hasn't made a self deprecating joke in a while—is it Steven's therapy?

Electric* — Yellow’s gloves—I feel like they’re covering something up, maybe.

Cake — Fusion Cuisine 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Belonging — The Rose Quartz sisters visit again.

Transcendence — Fluorite offers someone wise caterpillar grandma advice.

March — Connie and Steven reflect on changes in life after the pandemic. Not canon compliant. [Writer’s Choice.]

Understanding — Onion be doing Onion things.

Ocean* — Andy and Steven post-”I Am My Monster”? I love their relationship, lol.

Ignorance* — Does Lapis even realize Bismuth was probably the one who poofed her?

Reflection — Did I already say more Mega Pearl? ‘Cause there can never be enough Mega Pearl.

Possibility* — Yellow deciding she should try putting shattered gems back together. (She probably broke the most.)

Storyboard — Peridot’s budding career as a storyboarder.

Fall — Lapis and Steven talk about trauma and recovery. Pre-The Future.

Limbo — How the dismantled gempire has affected the lives of noble gems like Emerald, Holly Blue Agate, and others.

Now — Garnet reminds herself to live in the present.

Grief* — Alexandrite forms for the first time. [Writer’s Choice]

Inauguration — Wait, did Connie's parents ever meet Stevonnie?

Please — Did Kevin ever learn anything? Naaaaaah....unless...

Friend — General prompt? A sequel/prequel to this, please [White D’s panther].

Treatment — Greg starting to learn more about gem stuff to be more involved in Steven's life if something ugly happens.

Numbers — Pearl, please do something with all those phone numbers in your head.

Generations — Rose continues to discover the wonders of Earth, even after all this time. (No angst allowed in this one, just pure wonder.)

Survival — The Off-Colors used to have more members in the past.

Acting — How did Rainbow 2.0 even get invited to babysit Onion?

Kindness* — Former Mayor Dewey coming to terms with his new position in town.

Play — The Gems and Greg try to capture Steven's first moments on a bike. [Writer’s Choice]

Documentary — Ronaldo makes a real actually informative documentary about Little Homeworld.

Rain — Blue Diamond still cries sometimes.

Zoophobia — Also, I saw Z and my immediate thought was "Zoophobia.”

Echo* — Why does the tiny floating whale have Rose's voice before Steven ever heard it in the tape?

Sketch — Steven and Connie discover an anime character/mythological figure who bears an awfully similar resemblance to Obsidian.

Unironically — Why does Buck wanna be a doctor?

Club — How did Bismuth, Lapis, and Peri become such tight friends?

Nostalgia — Greg considers a comeback tour.

Pressure* — The creation of the Diamonds, maybe?

Coping — Amethyst and Pearl grapple with Rose's pregnancy. [Writer’s Choice]

Theatre — Sugilite, meet Rainbow 2.0.

Dadhood* — Whatever happened to Mrs. Fryman? IS there a Mrs. Fryman, or was it only a passing on-and-off thing that resulted in kids?

Lingering — Jasper finally lets Malachite go.

Human — Steven talks to his therapist about his mom, the feelings of before and the now. (It was left open-ended—his relationship with his mother.)

Words — Kofi is proud of his daughters.

Quest — [Letter prompt] Quest.

Picture — Sour Cream and Steven talking about absent parents and bad parenting. Post-The Future.

Bittersweet* — Shep finally gets to meet the notorious Lars.

Gemini — Spinel discovers memes and we're all doomed.

Weird — When he's younger, Steven doesn't quite know how to label the Gems.

[fanfoolishness]

on Steven’s humanity

With Steven Universe: Future sooo close, I think it’s going to focus quite heavily on Steven’s humanity, specifically his disconnection from it, which has been growing for the past several years.  It’s something he’s been losing touch on for a long time.

When we first meet Steven in season 1, he knows he’s a Gem, but he doesn’t feel like one. He wants to be.  He wants so badly to be as good as his mother and accepted by the Crystal Gems.  When there’s a chance that there isn’t, that he’s only ever going to be a human, he cries and panics.  Connie tries to reassure him that being a human isn’t so bad, but he’s still scared of the idea.

As Steven starts to grow up and discover more of his Gem powers and heritage, he still maintains a strong tie to Greg, Connie, and Beach City in general, but he also starts to think of himself as separate.  Again, Connie saves him from this line of thinking, but it’s worrisome that he developed it at all.

He has real concerns about how human he can possibly be... and so do the most important humans in his life, wondering if he’s going to grow and change the way humans do.  What happens when Connie grows up to be President?  Is Steven going to be First Boy???

I think Steven starts to feel some of this disconnect, even if he’s not fully aware of it.  When I first saw Gem Harvest, I thought it was strange that Steven was so frantic to include Andy DeMayo in his family.  He already has such a wonderful family with Greg and the Gems!  But this happens:

Steven:  Andy! I love that we both eat cake! Andy:    What?!? Steven:  And you have that cool hat! And you know how to peel potatoes! And you need a plane to fly! I love the Gems, but I'm a human too! I never had a chance to know that part of my family! But now I do. Andy, I want to be your family! Isn't that why you came back?

Why was he so desperate to include this rather curmudgeonly uncle?

By this point Steven had already started feeling disconnected from his human heritage, between the persistent battles with people determined to believe he was his mother, the development of his powers, the fears about not growing normally, and the close relationships he had forged with the Gems.  The above dialogue shows a kid starving to know part of himself, to remember that human side, to shore up connections to humanity to counterbalance the weight of his life as a Gem.

But by the end of Season 4, Steven’s giving himself up to Homeworld as Rose Quartz. He doesn’t even bother pointing out to the Diamonds that he’s got a human body and so couldn’t possibly be Rose. He feels like as a Gem he has to solve problems like one, too.

Season 5 continues the focus on his Gem life relentlessly.  He’s still trying to maintain his human life, and initially he seems to be a member of the band with Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny before Sadie joins.  But in the Harmony comic, after Gem craziness keeps happening during every band practice, Steven has to quit. He’s remarkably upbeat about it (per usual) given that much of the comic showed him upset about having to miss practice, and frantically sending in Gems to take his place during practice sessions.

And then we all know what happens after A Single Pale Rose -- the struggles with his identity as Steven, as Rose Quartz, as Pink Diamond.  Steven finally learns irrefutably that he’s Steven, and it’s such a relief --

But who is Steven?  Does he really know, yet?  Of course not!  He’s becoming a teenager, that’s the WORST time to know yourself!

In the movie, Steven is thrilled to finally have control over his powers and finally be accepted as a Gem in his own right.  The Diamonds are referring to him as Steven, the war is over, things are going to be okay.  Until Spinel hits him with her rejuvenator to take out his Gem abilities, and sics her injector on him to destroy “his human half.”  

He takes her words, and he runs with them, using the phrase “my human half” multiple times, always thinking of it as secondary to his Gem powers.  It’s a mindset that sticks with him through the entire movie.  He’s so focused on trying to restore his Gem powers that he forgets he’s human unless he’s actively getting hurt by poison.  It takes him dangling over a terrible height facing certain death to finally remember what humans do -- they grow, they change -- and that that applies to him.

But we know Steven.  Some lessons don’t get learned right away.  He tried to abandon Connie in Full Disclosure and did it again in I Am My Mom.  He’s seen the Gems all struggle with the same problem many different ways and different times.  This isn’t something he’s going to get through without difficulty.  And being a human teenager is already full of some of the most terrible struggles in a person’s life -- discovering who they actually are.

So no matter what happens in Steven Universe: Future, whether it’s suppressed rage finally making its way to the surface, or wormy boi, or mental illness, I think a huge part of the solution is going to be this: reminding Steven that even though he’s physically half human, half Gem, he still has all the full powers conferred by his Gem.  

Therefore, he still has all the soul of a full human.

[peepspersonalperspective]

Blackpink: Light Up The Sky

3/5

I’m a Blink, or at least I believe I am. I love the power in their music, in their choreography, their attitude and their fashion, all of it ...full love!

So I’m one of those people who had to watch their documentary the moment it was realeased in the middle of a working day (Kind of grateful for WFH right now)

I wanted to get to know them more. I see their variety episodes on Youtube, and it’s fun and stuff, being mostly a setup or a game or specific activity, but I also kind of want to relate and enter their real, natural world, which so far I’ve always felt shut out from. Like there’s a glass wall between us, I can feel the vibrations of their sound, I can see them lit in all their vibrance, but I can’t reach them. Now, I don’t know if it’s because of YG restrictions or what, but yeah that’s just my feeling, especially as an international fan, not locally based in South Korea, having as much exposure as a Korean resident Blink probably would. 

Anyway so I was super excited to check out their documentary, that promised unseen footage from trainee days, and childhood etc. And we got a whole bunch of it, especially in the first half. How they came to be, how they got into the whole ordeal, everything we kind of already knew, but backed up with some footage, and spelled out to us.

JENNIE: 

Jennie says she doesn’t like talking about herself, and I guess she lives up to her word. We do see some unseen footage of her schooling life in New Zealand, which was adorable. The entire time I couldn’t help but wonder how she got a pink cast on her hand, and what’s the story there? Beyond that it was pretty on the surface kind of stuff, and a little anecdote from her Pilates instructor. She did show her consternation about the restrictions on drinking, partying, and losing friends along the way, as trainees kept dropping out of the program, and a very brief moment of reflection on missing out on high school, and all the memories, regular teenagers get to make in their adoloscence. But yeah, was it really new information? 

LISA:

Things I learned about Lisa -

1. She loves vintage clothes, and loves spending on them, a constant concern for her mother who handles her finances.

2. She and Rose confided in each other whenever they felt like outsiders, almost picking up her Australian accent. She also took Jennie’s help a lot who was the only English speaking trainee when she joined.

3. She had the weirdest style and hairdo when she auditioned for YG.

4. She thinks she goes overboard in trying to cheer up her members, but they convince her that her positivity is what they really need.

JISOO:

Jisoo spoke about her family and her upbringing, and her general outlook, which was a new side to see. We also got a little insight about her fondness for writing or art, almost destined for the creative field. We also got to know how ill Jisoo was before the Coachella performance. She also spoke how blessed she was for having had a bit of normal life, school friends et. al, before entering the entertainment industry. That was quite interesting.

ROSE:

I think I enjoyed watching her the most. Her passion for music, her insecurities, her vulnerability, her perseverence, really showed. There was a much too brief a home video of her pajama show, and we also got to see her tinker with the demo for What You Waiting For by Somi. Her personality shined, and I genuinely feel a little closer to Rose, from what she was willing reveal about herself, more than any of the other girls. 

However, my favourite person in this entire documentary is producer Teddy Park, former 1TYM rapper, and just such a chiller. The way he described the girls, the way he interacted with them, their respect for him, and just the overall relationship they share was such a treat to watch! Also, he’s so darn well spoken. 

The girls talk about the future, at dinner, where the poor waiter reminds them and apologizes for not treating them better when they dined there during their traineeship. They talk about kids and getting married, meeting Halsey. And then poof, roll credits. What? That ended so quickly! I thought we were just getting started! That was disappointing, because there’s still so much to learn about the girls. Then again, perhaps that was the idea? To keep us Blinks wanting more!

I must say I was very pleased to see BTS also feature a little when they talk about the rise of K-Pop globally, and I thought to myself, how great it is to see that both groups are able to represent their country, their individual brands, support each other, without the baggage of competition or fan wars.

In closing, I’d like to say, it’s an easy watch, it reminds you why we love Blackpink music, makes you miss concerts, but my only complaint is I want more! I don’t think this documentary even scratched the surface of what the girls are about individually and/or together. Nevertheless, if you’re a new Blink or wanting to learn a little bit more about Hallyu and K-Pop, this could be a good introduction into that world.

[captainillogical]

Home Ch.4

The domesticity of living with an alien who hasn’t quite had the chance at a normal life.

Distant Lands sequel.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants​

Today is another hot, bright day outside, and you have not had enough coffee to deal with it. Or any at all, actually.

Currently it's about an hour before your first lesson, and you're at Kiki's place - sitting on the toilet inside her bathroom in particular - trying to not panic.

"-and then! I told her if she wants to keep borrowing my jacket, the least she can do is NOT get mustard all over it! Can you believe her?!" Kiki huffs out next to your ear, dabbing more pigmented cover-up against your collarbone.

"Why the hell do you buy clothes that you know she'll keep stealing? You know she's not going to stop since you basically wear the same size." You reply, leaning into her brush. It tickles your skin, and you feel yourself almost sneezing.

"Because they're cuuuuuute, okay?" She whines, twisting her face in concentration as she smears makeup on a particular spot on your neck. "Wow she really did a number on you here.. are these teeth marks?"

"Pretend you didn't see them, just cover them up as best as you can," You plead, giving her The Face you know she can't resist. She rolls her eyes. "I just wanna look professional, you know?"

"They're gems, Y/N." She makes a point to jab you particularly hard on the side of your neck with her brush. "You seriously think they're going to care? Or notice?"

"Well, apparently a few humans signed up too, and I really would prefer to not get any more looks, er - more than the usual, anyway." You feel your phone vibrate in hand, and look down to see Steven giving you several thumbs up to your earlier text. 

"Why are humans signing up?" She asks, pausing momentarily.

"Not sure? But I'm blaming Steven on that." You reply, remembering to shoot Garnet a message as well about having her attend just in case you make a fool out of yourself in front of a crowd.

"Maybe they saw you with Spinel, and thought, hey, maybe the rest of us could-" 

A door slams against a wall, and you hear a resounding 'HEYYYYYYYY' from the hallway in a very familiar voice. Several pairs of footsteps are walking towards the bathroom the two of you are in.

Oh god, you need to go. You attempt to stand up from sitting on the toilet, and Kiki forces a hand on your shoulder with an "I'm not done!"

"Kiki!" Jenny pops her face into the bathroom doorway with an infectious smile. "What are you dooooooooo- whoa, Y/N?!" 

If you could clap your hands and disappear, you would.

"Heyyyyy Jenny," You greet her as flatly as you can, and then Lars also pops his head into the doorway. Oh. Great. "Lars. What are you guys doing here?"

Lars gasps dramatically, pointing to your neck. "YOOOOOOOUUUUUU-"

Kiki silences him with her palm over his mouth. "Dude I already told you, why are you being so dramatic right now,"

"You TOLD him?!" You screech, feeling completely betrayed.

"Well, YEAH, clearly you were going to just internalize it and dance around the subject!" She places her hands on her hips, makeup brush still in her fist. "I'm just expediting the process!"

"Tell him what!?" Jenny pipes in, completely engrossed.

"That Y/N's dating Spinel!" Kiki huffs out, like this is obvious information, and Jenny gasps.

“I wasn’t going to dance around the subject!! I just haven’t had the chance to shoot him a text yet..” You mumble, trailing off sheepishly. Okay, so, you know you should’ve told Lars already! It’s just.. Ugh. Talking about your feelings is hard. The face Jenny’s making is making you wish you could flush yourself down the toilet.

“You dumbass, were you seeing how long you could hide this from me?! After all I did for you.” Lars crosses his arms over his chest, miffed. “It’s whatever, I knew that was going to happen sooner rather than later, anyway. I was expecting like, two days, tops - with how you had talked about her.”

“Am I that obvious?” You ask flatly.

“Uh, yeah.” Jenny gives you a look. “Girl, you avoided me for an entire year after I asked you out, and then acted like nothing ever happened. I probably would have recovered my ego a lot faster if I knew your type was Gems.”

“My type isn’t GEMS,” You sputter, utterly amazed at the audacity of the three of them.

“Yeah but your neck says otherwise,” Lars teases, and you groan, covering your face as the other two howl in laughter.

“Remind me why I’m friends with any of you?” You say, muffled behind your hands.

“Um, because you have no other options?” Kiki grins, and you put your hands down just to lightly kick her on the shins, and she chokes out a snort.

“So, what’s the occasion? Why are you dolling up Y/N?” Jenny peers over at you, taking in the new.. upgrades to your appearance.

“She’s got some lessons today, and wanted to look more professional,” Kiki rolls her eyes, like somehow you wanting to not talk to a class looking like you got half-mauled by a sea lion is ridiculous. “Speaking of, did you want me to cover the scar on your face?”

“Ehhh, leave it. I don’t really care about that.” You look at the time on your phone, knowing you need to leave soon. Spinel has texted you a few words of encouragement coupled with quite a pile of heart emojis, and you have to school your face into not smiling at it like some sort of cheese ball.

"I think you look cooler with it anyway," Jenny tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, her gold earrings shining in the light of the bathroom. "Makes you look like you won't take shit from anyone."

"What about my scar?" Lars asks. "Is my face scar not cool??"

"Yours looks more like you fought a raccoon in a dumpster." Jenny grins, and you can't help the laugh that comes out of your mouth as Lars sputters at her response.

The four of you chat for a little while longer while you finish up with Kiki, Jenny asking way too many questions about your personal life - but this time, you don't feel uneasy at all about sharing some of the details with her. 

-

You're standing in the middle of Little Homeworld near the town center, coffee in hand - surveying the area as people and gems hustle around you. You probably should've also grabbed something to eat, but it's kind of too late now. Steven's bringing you lunch after this anyway.

It's twenty minutes until your first lesson, and you're starting to see a few gems show up early. They had to relocate where you'd be having the class - originally they had given you a decent spot under some coverage, but because the attendance got so high they moved you to the literal town center for the space. There's a lot of gems (and some humans) around, and most of them are either working on small construction or going about doing their other jobs. You watch three Amethysts a few yards away struggle to lift a large sheet of glass for what looks like a new cafe. Huh. The gems are really trying for inclusivity here. 

You turn around to look at your chalkboard that Garnet placed here for you, and write out a giant welcome sign on it, along with the class title and your name. You could've probably written it a little more eloquently.. eh. The gems aren't going to care. There's some sudden yelling coming from around you, so you turn to look - one of the Amethysts nearly dropped her side of the glass because someone bumped her — aaaand it's Spinel, with Bismuth next to her, who are reading over some blueprints.

You stand there, hoping Spinel hasn't seen you. She doesn't know your class got moved, but you're positive she was supposed to be working with not Bismuth today. Great. You don't need a reason to be any more anxious about this than you are, even if seeing her pink hair kind of sets you also at ease. 

More people and gems walk by loudly, and you start to wonder if you're going to need a megaphone. You grab your stack of papers, and go over your notes on your bench while you bide your time until it's noon.

About five minutes pass, and someone sits next to you on your bench. 

"Heyyyy." A familiar voice speaks, and you look up - you're greeted with the smiling face of that rose quartz you've bumped into twice. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Oh, it's you," You reply, a bit off-guard. You weren't expecting anyone to sit and chat with you, nonetheless the very specific gem you keep randomly meeting. 

"Saw you sitting here, and wanted to say hello before I went to this class I signed up for," She holds out her hand, her bright smile not making you feel as uneasy as it did the previous day. "I realized I never introduced myself. You can call me Rosie, if you want. The other quartzes have taken a liking to it."

"Rosie, huh.. that's actually a nice name. Mine's Y/N." You return her smile, and shake her hand.. which is strangely soft.

"Are you here for the lesson too? I'm pretty excited about this one, this has to be the most interesting class they've got on the current schedule right now." She leans in, putting an arm up on the bench back for support. More gems have started to gather in the centre now. 

"I am, but I'm actually the one teaching it.." You reply almost sheepishly, and her eyes widen in response.

"You're teaching it?!" She lights up immediately. "I thought it was just gonna be one of the other gems! No wonder so many came here from Homeworld for this!"

"... you're pulling my leg, right? How would any of them have heard of this? We only posted this class within the last week, and just on the singular board." You feel the bubbles of dread in your stomach. Or maybe that's just the excessive caffeine.

"I heard a couple talking about fliers over there, I'm not sure, but they were so excited." She takes a second to look around, and lowers her voice briefly. "I heard that one of the Diamonds wanted to attend, even."

WHAT. Your brain cannot deal with this information.

"B-but they're not, right?" You hear your voice waver, and you push your creeping anxiety down. "I don't think I can deal with a Diamond here, today."

She laughs, and it's not mockingly. It's almost sweet, actually.

"That would be something, wouldn't it?" She winks at you, a light smile on her face. "But no. I don't see their gaudy ships, so I think you can rest easy."

“Phewwwww,” You dramatically wipe your hands down your face, and let out a groan. “I was so worried there for a sec. What would the Diamonds care about interacting with humans, anyway? So absurd.”

“I have no idea,” She giggles at your antics. “Your guess would be about as good as mine.”

You see Spinel staring in your general direction, and your heart rate speeds up when you see her eyes connect with yours. Her face lights up like you’re the best thing she’s ever seen in her life, and you can’t stop the goofy smile that breaks out on your face. You wave at her, and she nearly drops the box she’s holding to enthusiastically wave back.

“Who’s that?” Rosie asks, face turned to peer at Spinel way over there.

“My girlfriend.” Is what comes out of your mouth automatically, and she whips her head back to stare at you with a strange face.

“You’re dating a gem?!” She hisses out, clearly shocked as her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline.

“Yes - jeez, why does everyone always react this way - and it’s not THAT weird, before you ask,” You say, feeling your face heat up in embarrassment.

“And a Spinel, of all gems? No offense.” She looks back over to stare at said pink-haired gem, before turning back to you. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You give her a look, taking immediate offense to her statement. She brings her hands up in defense.

“I didn’t mean it like - It’s just, Spinels seemed to always be designed for friendship; not romance. I’ve physically witnessed three dating catastrophes between them and other gems, in my time.”

“Well, my Spinel is perfectly fine.” You say, and it comes out a little more aggressively than you had wanted, and she recoils a bit. “But thanks for your concern.”

“I'm sorry, it wasn’t my intention to offend you.” She at least has the decency to look apologetic. “How long have you two been dating?”

“We just started this week..” You answer.

“New relationship, huh.” She looks like she’s studying your face, and you’re not sure how you feel about it. “I do wish you two the best,”- There’s a sudden low murmur in the group of gems nearby you, and you look over to see what they’re mumbling about.

Fucking hell.

Jasper, yeah THAT Jasper, is standing over in the now pretty fucking large crowd of gems that’s gathered to attend your class, and you don’t know whether to laugh or scream. 

“Whoa, she’s huge.” Rosie does a double-take at said gem, eyes widening hilariously.

“Yeah, a huge bitch. Jasper fucking hates humans, why the hell is she even here?” You groan, hoping that maybe she’ll just sit quietly and not make any remarks or heckle the other students.

"You know her?" She asks, amused by your response.

"Unfortunately, thanks to Steven." 

"That kid is some kind of magnet for problems of all shapes and sizes." She laughs, shaking her head.

"You don't even know the half of it.." You give her a tired look, and she laughs even more. She asks you a few more questions about Steven and your life, and you answer them truthfully while attempting to distract your anxiety.

-

A hundred gems is your turnout. A bit over, actually, and a handful of humans too.

You maybe feel just a little in over your head with this, but, well.. it's too late now. You spot quite a few gems you've seen before in the crowd, as well as Onion of course, and your neighbor George. You even spot Buck sitting in the middle of a group of Lapis who look like they're discussing heavy gossip with him, and he's actually engaged. Interesting.

There are.. so many eyes peering at you. You've never talked to a crowd this big in your entire life, and public speaking has never been your strong suit. But these gems came here for a specific reason, and goddammit, the thought of Pearl or Sour Cream teaching this instead in your place just doesn't sit right with you at this point.

You greet the class once the volume dies down enough, and a wave of enthusiastic greetings come back at you. You see Garnet in the corner and she gives you a thumbs up, and honestly it makes you feel a lot better that she's here.

You start off with your orientation notes, and talk generally about the basics, mainly about the similarities between gems and humans as common ground. Literally only about three minutes into this class, and a quartz that is most likely from Homeworld raises her hand. You call on her.

"Is it true that humans eat their younglings?" She shouts out from the middle of the crowd, her vibrant purple hair half covering one of her eyes. 

"Er," You stumble on your words, a little perturbed that that's the first question you get. "No, humans don't eat their young at all, you're probably confusing us with some other species."

She nods, like that sounds like the right answer, and then about twenty more hands shoot up.

"Let's save the questions until I at least get through this pile of papers, guys," You insist, and a noise of disapproval comes from near the front left side of the group. You turn your head, and.. it's fucking Jasper. Does she know that you'd throw hands with her if it were not for the fact that you're trying to be professional? 

You completely ignore her, and continue on with what you were previously talking about.

A good 20-25 minutes pass, and you're now in a good place to stop so people can ask their questions. A few humans you don't recognize ask you about how you know so much, and you answer truthfully. You briefly talk about living with Steven and the Crystal Gems, and how easy it was to co-exist. 

A LOT more hands pop up after that. 

"This might sound strange, but how do you ask a human to be friends?" The Lapis you call on asks. 

"You can just ask. Humans do it too. Sometimes people prefer to form them naturally though, but if you guys are already talking then it's a good sign." 

"But what about if they scream at you?" Another gem blurts out, and you curb the bark of laughter that wants to escape from your mouth.

"Generally speaking, what do you do if a gem screams at you? Same principle. Guys, humans and gems are way more similar than you think, and communication is key in this." At least your voice is steady, and you don't really feel as anxious as you were before, since the class seems to actually be going smoother than you had thought.

The giant hand of the Morganite in the middle of the crowd waves frantically, and you call on her with amusement. It's kind of cute how excited and interested a lot of the gems are. "You seem to have a ton of gem friends, and I have no human friends! Could you be my first?" She yells at you.

"Oh, I don't see why not," You answer truthfully, feeling a bit sheepish and taken aback by her request. Once those words leave your lips though, half the crowd starts shouting - ME! ME TOO! COULD YOU BE MY FRIEND?? - and you can't help feeling a little flustered as you try to calm the class down, taking a few more regular questions to keep it going.

You don't even realize through the noise of the center of little Homeworld when you spot a camera crew at the edge of your crowd, setting something up. It's the fucking local news station, what the FUUUUUUUUCK. You try not to outwardly display your internal panic and it's proving to be one of the hardest things you've ever done.

"When did you get that scar?" Jasper stares at you from her seat, pointing to your face.

You freeze momentarily at the lack of tact in that question, and that's when you spot Spinel off to the side of the class, at the edge of the crowd of students. Your brain stutters.

"U-um. It was during an accident with my girlfriend." You blurt out quickly, and instantly regret those words. You should've fucking lied or something because you can see Rosie narrowing her eyes at you in the front.

"Is that why you look like that now?" Jasper grunts out, crossing her arms. If you could throttle her you would in a heartbeat.

"Yes." You state firmly, meeting her gaze. She looks a little surprised at your answers. "Anyway, moving on." You hear a few murmurs in the crowd after that, opting to ignore how anxious it makes you.

You answer a few more questions, and try to not look at Spinel who keeps raising her hand with the rest of the gems. Shouldn't she be working?! Oh god, of course the camera crew is actually filming something - you can barely offhandedly hear the reporter spouting off something about little Homeworld into the camera as it pans around him. 

Your heartbeats are hammering in your chest, but you move onto more questions and try to keep your cool. Eventually you can't ignore how obnoxiously your girlfriend is raising and waving her hand trying to get your attention - several gems around her keep pointing at her so you'll give her a chance.

Oh, little do they know.

You sigh, resigning to letting her ask a question.

"Spinel." You call on her with a pointer finger as neutrally as possible, which is way harder than you had thought.

"Finally!" She cries with a fist pump, and a few people around her chuckle. "I just wanted ‘ta ask, is it possible for a gem and a human to fuse?”

You feel yourself freeze on the spot, taken completely by surprise. There’s a couple murmurs among the crowd.

Why the fuck is she asking that.

“U-um, no, unfortunately there’s no way to do that because of the differences in our biological make-up,” You say, feeling your face heat up in embarrassment - there are so many eyes staring at you.

“Well that sucks!” A random gem in the crowd shouts, and quite a few gems erupt in laughter. 

You try your best to wind them down and finish with their many, many questions.

It isn’t long until the class is over - you had only taken up hour sessions, and you’re so thankful for it. The class went over well, and many gems walk up to you to chat and shake your hand, and the local news station seems to be interviewing a couple gems on what went on - you guess there’s some sort or segment they’re doing on Little Homeworld, and today just happens to be the day they chose to do that.

You avoid the camera crew as much as possible as you tidy up your belongings, and Spinel walks up to you as you gather your papers in your arms.

“That went pretty good!” She beams at you, looking proud. You squash your feelings of affection that overwhelm you - you wish you could kiss her if you were not in public.

“Yeah, and if you ever ask me a question like that in my classes again, I’m actually going to ban you. I’ll even put up a photo of your face so the other’s know to barr you from the class.” You scoff at her, and she completely disregards it, getting a little closer to you to give you a look that you recognise as her challenging you.

“That wouldn’t work on me anyway,” She grins, hand raising up to tuck the stray hair that just flew into your face - she looks to the side of you briefly as you hear footsteps and speaking - 

FUCKKK, THE REPORTER IS WALKING RIGHT OVER HERE.

Your eyes dart back to Spinel, body posed to leave. “U-Um, I gotta-”

“Ma’am! Maaaaa’am!” You hear the reporter shout at you. 

Cool cool, keep it cool. Just breathe. You want to vomit.

"You two look pretty close." He remarks as he jogs up to you, slightly out of breath. The cameraman follows him, and if you could run you would. But you'd rather not be turned into a local meme, so your feet are firmly planted in the spot. "I wanted to catch you before you left, Miss Teacher!" He smiles brightly at you - that you know is just for the camera. 

"I was just finishing up." You smile politely. 

"I wanted to ask you a few questions regarding the class you just held if that's alright with you?" He asks, adjusting the small mic on his collar. He also holds up the microphone that the logo of the local news station is emblazoned on.

"Sure." You feel your nerves go haywire. This is way, waaaay too much pressure for you, you feel like you're going to faint, the fucking cameraman just winked at you.

"What's your name, firstly." 

"Y/N." You answer him with just your first name, and he gives you a look. 

"Last name? You gotta have a last name." He insists. 

You tell him your last name, and his eyebrows furrow before they shoot up into his hairline.

"Last name, last name?" He implores, holding the microphone closer to your face.  "Like, -last name- the lawyer working on that Gem case in Empire city, -last name-!?"

Oh. You forgot about your father. 

"Y-yes," You stutter out in a panic, and instantly regret waking up this morning.

God fucking dammit.

[justjessame]

Doomed From the Start: Gone

Gone.  Jenny was gone.  She’d been shot and killed along with two of James’ men.  As he helped deliver her remains - REMAINS, as if a seven year old could be nothing more than a body - I could see that he had shut down.  Completely and totally he wasn’t there, not making eye contact with me, barely speaking to anyone, not even my father.  

The fear that had gnawed at my insides from the moment I’d found her bed empty and the note left behind - that had only grown once he’d stolen that kiss from me - growing when I realized that I feared not only for her, but now for him as well, it was replaced with grief and pain.  

Her tiny warm body would never bounce into my bed and demand that I wake up so she could show me the sunrise because THIS one was so very different from the one she’d shown me the day before.  Or how she wouldn’t come up behind me as I made tea and ask the WHYs.  “Why do I like THIS tea and not THAT tea?” Then once I gave her my reasoning, she’d come back with, “Why do we drink tea? How did we discover that tea could be drunk at all?” and on and on.  If anyone had ever told me I would miss her endless questions, I would have shaken my head and told them they were insane, yet I’d give anything for one more round.  

One of James’ remaining men, his name escaped me until he reminded me - “Michael, Miss,” nodding through my tears, he held out a soft, slightly dirty floppy-eared rabbit and my heart tore further apart.  “Thought you might want this,” his hands looked huge holding it, yet I couldn’t reach out for it.  So terrified to touch it, was it in her arms when they - was she holding it when she was - “Miss?”  His voice sounded tinny and far off, and then the darkness rose up and I was gone.

When I woke up I was in my bedroom, fully clothed and on my bed.  I lay staring at the ceiling and allowed the silence to seep into my pores, pretending that any moment now Jenny would come rushing in with a quiet giggle and pounce on my bed - Hoppy held loosely in one arm as she snuggled against my side and three questions already loaded and ready to be unleashed.  

“I’m sorry,” his voice was unexpected, but so quiet that it didn’t actually startle me.  “Veronica, I am so sorry.” He sounded as though he was being tortured and it cut into me a little deeper, the pain of losing Jenny and now hearing how it must have felt from his side.  

Sighing, I moved so I could sit up with my back against my headboard.  It was still light out, barely, so I could see him leaning against the wall by the window - looking far less confident and more tired than he had when we first met.  His head was down, eyes on the floor and my heart broke a little more making me wonder just how many cracks one heart could bear.  

“Tell me,” my own voice was even quieter than his and yet I knew he heard me.  “Please?”  His shoulders sank lower still, that stiff soldier bearing of his dropping further.  

He did, he told me - how they found Jenny, he and his men.  How they’d had her safely within their ranks and were closing in on the border, so close that he could see it.  And how the sound of gunfire rang out, killing two of his men and Jenny with a precision and - that part was more difficult to hear than I cared to admit, but I listened to him, trying to push aside the pain of losing her with the knowledge that it had happened so fast that she hadn’t felt it.  That she was gone before her body hit the ground.  Before Hoppy dropped beside her.  

“The soldiers that took her?” His head lifted and I saw the slight shake.  “Oh.”  Worse still, a plot within a plot.  “Doomed from the start.”  

“I failed -” I shook my head, but he wouldn’t stop.  “I FAILED, Veronica.”  

“No, James,” my tears wouldn’t stop, but I couldn’t let him go on.  “How do you count this as a failure when you had only half the information?”  Twisting so my feet were dangling close to the floor, I sighed.  “If she’d simply been taken for ransom, as we’d thought, she’d be right here now safe and sound.”  I could almost hear her laughter, see her smile.  “You cannot take on the failure of a mission that was doomed by some plot that God knows who ran from -” my eyes shut as I slid out of my bed to stand.  “Please don’t take on this burden.”  

I could hear him push off from the wall, and then the heat of his body closed in on mine.  “Burden?” Fingertips were under my chin as his thumb was brushing away the tears from under my eye.  “Your little sister is dead, Veronica.  Two of my men are dead.”  Opening my eyes, I was confronted by his chest, but tilting my head a bit and I found his face - pinched and worn - his blue eyes shadowed in the slowly dying daylight.  “Under my command, under my lead - How do I not take on this burden?”  

“You’re human,” he was staring at me as though he wanted nothing more than for me to give him a liferaft.  Something to cling to, something to latch onto and give him hope.  “Human and while you can see so much, you cannot always see every evil thought that other humans conceive.”  Cupping his face between my own hands, I tried to smooth out the tension.  “Why can’t you allow yourself that much?”

“Because,” the break that came at the end of the word nearly broke me apart. “If I allow myself that weakness, then what else creeps in behind it?” 

Studying his face in the dimness, the shadows making his sharp angles sharper - I wanted nothing more than for a few hours to forget.  To forget walking into Jenny’s room and finding it empty, her covers pushed back and the bed cool of her warmth.  To forget seeing the letter, hateful with the words that told of her capture and ransom, propped against her pillow - where her head should have been - No, her head should have been against my shoulder.  She would have woken ME up, ready to show me the glory of another day.  I wanted to forget that she would NEVER wake me up again.  I wanted to forget the bickering that came when I raised the alarm, finding my father and her mother having breakfast - how they couldn’t agree on WHO should be notified, on why she’d been taken - to forget that I’d insisted on calling for professionals, on calling for HIM. 

“You should hate me,” why would he imagine I would lay the blame on him?  “I failed you.”  

“No,” shaking his insistence off, holding his face firm between my hands, I refused to allow him to pull away.  “Was it your gun, your bullet that killed her?” He started to speak, but I wouldn’t let him.  “You didn’t kill her, James Conrad.  And you did bring her home.”  

“She’s dead.” He looked as though he knew her, that he knew how bright she shined and how - “It’s so new to you, you haven’t processed it yet.”  

“Kiss me,” he shook his head.  “You stole a kiss before you left, I want another.”  He wanted to argue, but I wasn’t willing to - “Please?”  What little strength my voice had held was gone, and it came out as half plea half sob - and that did it.  It gave way what little resolve he had left, and the inches that separated our faces were gone - our lips, mine damp and salty with tears, met.  

The kiss he’d taken before he left to find my little sister was sweet and filled with promise.  This kiss was desperate and hungry - we both needed distraction from the thoughts that were threatening to drown us.  When it morphed from a kiss to something more, from our lips and tongues, to hands searching for a way to touch more skin than just that of our faces - neither one objected.  

As clothing fell into piles on the floor, darkness overtook the daylight, and my bare skin was being traced by the calloused skin of his fingertips.  My lips were making a map of the dips and curves of his muscles.  And then my back met the silky sheets of my bed, but before I could feel the loss of his body heat, there he was hovering over me - my hands reaching for him, our mouths meeting even as our bodies joined.  

Some might think that I was being selfish - my little sister had just been murdered, two men died beside her as they were trying to rescue her - and I wrapped myself in a lustful bubble with the Captain who was in charge of the failed mission.  Bubbles are temporary, no matter how deeply I wished I could have stayed in the one I had with James.  It felt like we were locked together for minutes, perhaps hours - maybe days?  Yet, it was probably the former.  He held me as I fell asleep, arms tight around me as if I might drift away or as though I were a mirage in the desert.  

If I were being selfish, I had my comeuppance when I woke up - alone.  He left no note, no acknowledgement that he’d ever been there - other than the hint of the natural cologne that I would always associate with him.  He came to Jenny’s memorial services, but he kept a careful and proper distance from me. Any outsider would assume that we were nothing more than a grieving family member and the Captain of the British Special Forces who sadly lost men in the same failed mission that cost the life of my sister.  

Father stayed on at the embassy.  He insisted that his service was lifelong, but he also asked if I would rather return “home”.  

“I’ve lived here since I was 14,” staring at him as if he’d lost his mind, he sighed.  “Are you honestly insinuating that London is more ‘home’ than here?”  

“Veronica,” he sat next to me and took one of my hands in both of his, a rare gesture of affection that startled us both.  “Perhaps I was hasty in insisting that you stay with me after your mother died.”  I felt certain that my eyebrows were in danger of full retreat at this point.  He’d gone to battle with my grandmother, “hasty” wasn’t quite the word I’d use.  “I’m not sure this is the right place for a young woman of your status to -”

“I have to stay,” pulling my hand free, I stood up and moved to the window.  If I left, who would help teach the children of the next round of embassy officials?  “Not only have I grown up here, but I have a job too.”  

“They could hire someone else,” he was preparing for an argument, but I wasn’t in the mood.  “Consider it, please?”  Agreeing to at least consider the idea, he got up and kissed my temple, another rare gesture.  “I miss her too, you know?”  

“I know,” the house was too quiet without her.  He left me alone, with my thoughts and with the silence.  Neither were very comforting.  

[theresnosafeharbor4myships]

TITLE: Sleepy Holloween

A/N: This Ichabbie Halloween fic is pure fluff and cuteness. No plot to be found here, just flirts and enjoyment.

“I’m sorry, Emily. I had to wait 300 years for a virgin to light a candle.”

An orchestra played an epic few bars of music, a drumroll sounded, and Abbie turned the TV off as the credits started to roll.

“Well, Crane, what’d you think?”

He turned to Jenny, who was cuddled up with Joe on the opposite end of the couch. “It was…palatable.”

Jenny gave him her blank stare of disbelief, and Joe smiled knowingly, but it was Abbie, who’d stayed tucked into his side for the duration of the movie, who prompted, “Come on, tell us what you really think.”

He glanced down at her, noting her sincere, if amused, look. “Is this, in all honesty, a children’s film?” he asked, genuinely perturbed.

“Well…not small children,” Joe supplied.

“And what is considered ‘small,’ Master Joe? I dare to presume there are parents who’d rather not expose young minds to witchcraft and the occult. It’s difficult enough for the four of us to manage it—but to appropriate it for entertainment on our youth…”

“You mean to tell me children in your day didn’t watch real life horrors worse than a little Halloween fantasy?” Jenny countered, forceful but kind. “That they weren’t exposed to hangings and gunfights and war? Not to mention the treatment of slaves.”

Crane looked duly reprimanded. "I suppose I can see where…times have altered enough that All Hallow’s Eve fantasy films are less traumatic than real life has been known to be.”

“And that’s your only comment on the film?” Abbie asked.

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Certainly not. The inaccuracies in this movie are quite numerous.”

“Here we go,” Joe murmured good-naturedly, eliciting knowing smirks from the Mills sisters and a slightly offended look from Crane.

“To begin with, most cabins in the 17th century would be much smaller than the one Binx and Emily shared, and they likely would have slept in the same room as their parents, perhaps even in the same bed, depending on their economic status.”

“Oh! We’re starting at the beginning,” Jenny teased, extracting herself from Joe and stretching.

Crane tilted his head at her in disdain but continued as Joe and Jenny rose to take their leave. “By dawn, the entire town would have been roused and already about their day. The witch Sarah would not have had the opportunity to lure young Emily to her demise at daybreak.”

“Speaking of a break, we need to head out,” Joe explained, waving at them as they headed for the door.

“Good luck, Abbie,” Jenny threw over her shoulder, smirking as they exited the house.

Abbie smiled and waved, content to stay securely tucked into Ichabod’s side for a few more minutes, even if she had to listen to another historical inaccuracy rant in order to do so.

“You get three,” she stated.

He peered down at her questioningly. “I don’t understand.”

“Tell me three issues you had with the movie. Only,” she held up her hand against his coming dispute, “three.”

“Very well. One: If the witches had spent 300 years in eternal damnation, should they not have recognized that ridiculous man dressed as the devil wasn’t him? We’re supposed to believe they think Lucifer takes on human form, has also left the depths of Hades—the place they’ve just escaped from—and lives in a modern home with a wife and a dog?”

“Everyone’s gotta live somewhere,” Abbie teased, earning her a classic Ichabod glare.

“Two: When the sisters are chasing those poor children, Witch Winnifred mocks young Max’s words, ‘it’s just a bunch of hocus pocus.’” His professor’s finger came up, and Abbie did her best to refrain from smiling at him. “Regardless of the fact that ‘hocus pocus’ is a sham-Latin phrase that jugglers employed in the 17th century—not to mention a common stage name both they and magicians used—how would she have known he said such phrase since he hadn’t yet lit the black flame candle, and therefore she wasn’t in this realm?”

Abbie nodded, considering his point, but refrained from answering, instead holding up three fingers to remind him he was about to round home.

“And three: Since the sisters only returned for one All Hallow’s Eve and they spent it chasing those children around all of Salem, how in Heaven’s name did Witch Winnifred know what a driver’s permit is? It took me months to get mine, and that only after you spent every waking hour explaining the 21st century and all of its advancements and gadgets to me and teaching me how to master the iron horse.”

“Fair enough,” she conceded, mildly entertained by his nitpicking, though she couldn’t help adding, “It is a fantasy film, though.”

Ichabod looked pleased she agreed with him and nodded. “I do admit, it was a bit of fantastical fun though,” he allowed, his voice calmer now that he’d aired some of his grievances. “Quite comforting to know others fight the tyranny of evil, even if it is merely make-believe. Will we watch this every year?”

“It’s a requirement in this house. And since you live here too now…”

“Indeed I do.” He lifted an eyebrow, a flirty smile teasing his lips as he kissed her.

“Come on.” Abbie patted his thigh as she pulled away from him. “It’s time to get ready. The kids’ll be here soon.”

*****

“Abbie…are you coming down?” Ichabod called up the staircase.

“On my way. You dressed?”

She heard him mumble something about ‘infernal style,’ but then his voice carried up to her. “Yes, and most anxious to see your costume.”

Abbie didn’t know what to prepare for, either in terms of what costume he’d chosen or what he’d think of hers. She couldn’t help hoping he’d appreciate her outfit choice even more than he had her Beyonce get-up from last year—which he’d enjoyed just fine. She recalled how his appreciative gaze roamed from her full head of faux curls, across her face where she’d applied a classic but simple make-up style, lingered a few seconds too long on her lips before dropping down to her neck where her ‘Queen’ necklace caused him to smirk approvingly at the statement before sliding down to her unusually low-cut shirt, which provided a rare and revealing view of her cleavage. His eyes lingered again, then traveled down the length of her body to stare at her shorts with the bling on the pockets and her bare legs. After a few moments, he suddenly seemed to remember himself, and his eyes snapped up to her face where her knowing smile made him a bit embarrassed to have gawked at her so.

This outfit didn’t reveal her attributes in the same way, but she’d bet money it’d please him all the same.

She smoothed down the sides of her costume, then started down the stairs. Ichabod came into sight, standing tall, proud, regal, and ramrod straight, and she nearly tripped over her own feet. His hair had disappeared beneath a white sailor’s cap with a black bill and gold trim. The white jacket with epaulets on the shoulders and gold buttons running down the middle made his blue eyes shine even brighter than usual as he heatedly watched her descend the stairs. A single, thin, gold ribbon encircled the jacket’s wrists and striped down the sides of the white pants he wore, the entire uniform making him appear nobler and even taller than his 6 foot-plus frame.

She’d never expected to see him in a contemporary costume, having long since given up trying to get him to wear anything modern, and she had no clue what had possessed him to go military for Halloween. But he certainly didn’t disappoint, and she suddenly wished she had one of those old handheld folding fans ladies used to carry around to cool herself off with.  

Ichabod watched Abbie float down the stairs, mesmerized by her costume. She’d pinned all of her hair up, leaving a single, thick curl falling over her shoulder. Her dress, a deep green that complimented her beautifully flushed brown skin, had long sleeves that ended with a frill of off-white lace at her forearms. The court neckline, cut down nearly to her armpits, highlighted the length of her neck, her collarbones, the glow of her skin, and her bust. The dress’s bodice, an inset corset also in off-white, contrasted beautifully against the dark green of the rest of the dress and emphasized her petite frame and small waist. From her hips, the dress flared out and down to the floor, her tiny feet hidden beneath its layers.

She looked stunning, as though she’d stepped out of the Revolutionary War era with him. He knew his gaze lingered in awe, but he couldn’t stop himself. He’d admit he loved seeing Abbie wear her modern-day clothes—blue jeans, form-fitting shirts, a silk robe, a tank top and short shorts to bed—though Heaven knew they all left little to the imagination, which he was both forever grateful for and infernally distracted by. But seeing her like this, resplendent in Colonial couture, left him speechless and mesmerized as she came to stand in front of him.

Abbie recovered first. “Hello there, sailor,” she cooed, a full smile gracing her face.

Ichabod mentally shook himself out of his stupor and swallowed hard. “Ah-ah, it’s Captain,” he corrected, pointing to one of the stripes gracing the left side of his chest.

“Oh,” she exclaimed, impressed. “O Captain, my Captain.”

“And no other’s,” he assured her, his voice dropping low. “Abbie….you look…” While his words trailed off, his hand started at her wrist and slid up her arm, over her shoulder, across her bare collarbone.

“Colonial?” she supplied, delighted her endeavor to please and surprise him had elicited this effect.

“Well, yes, but I was going to say 'magnificent,’” he explained as he tipped her chin up and kissed her, his other hand finding her waist.

He felt her smile against his lips, and he pulled away, then changed his mind and gave her another peck before taking her hands in his and a step back to drink in the sight of her once more.

“You seem very pleased, love.”

“I am,” she confirmed, smiling, watching his eyes roam over her again. “I wanted to surprise you with a little something from your…previous life.”

“Mission well accomplished,” he affirmed, tugging her towards him with their still-clasped hands. He leaned in close to kiss her neck. “Though I can’t wait to take this off of you,” he whispered against her skin.

“Ah,” she gasped, simultaneously easing away from him and pushing him away, though her hands remained on his chest. “Don’t start; it’s much too early for that. Besides…” Her eyes roamed heatedly over him again. “I need some time to enjoy you fully embracing the military style of today.”

“Mm,” he hummed, taking a step back from her and holding his arms out wide for her perusal. “So this suits you?”

“It suits you,” she returned cheekily. “It pleases me.”

He arched one brow. “How much, we shall find out later.”

“Indeed,” she agreed in a teasing tone, mocking his go-to affirmative.

One side of his mouth turned up, amused. “Shall we get on with the festivities, Mistress Abbie?” he asked, changing the subject before things got too out of hand. Heaven knew he’d need to try to keep things neutral in order to make it through the rest of the evening without ravishing her.

“Mistress? You know…that designation doesn’t mean the same thing now as it did before,” she informed him as she headed towards the kitchen.

“No? What, pray tell, does it mean now?”

She reached into the cabinets for the bags of candy she’d bought, handing them to him. “It usually refers to a woman in a relationship with a married man.”

“Has this generation found no end to the butchering of the English language? In my day, a mistress was the head of her home, holding a position of control and authority; it was a title of respect. It boggles the mind how a term of female empowerment has been subverted such that it now refers to something…tawdry.”

“Agreed; your definition is much better,” Abbie stated, pulling the large orange bowl with black bats all over it from another cabinet, setting it on the island between them. “You can call me Mistress, if you feel the need, with the understanding that you’re referencing the original meaning. How’s that sound?”

“But you are my Mistress,” he said matter of factly.

Abbie splayed her arms wide, gripping the countertop, and stared at him questioningly, waiting for him to explain himself.

“You’re the head of the household. And respected, of course. But you’re also a woman in a relationship with me, a married man.”

“But you’re married to me. That’s not…tawdry,” she mocked his phrasing again.

With a glint in his eye, one side of his mouth quirked up. “Not yet…but the night’s still young, my mistress Abbie.”

She shook her head, amused and not a little warmed by his flirtations, the smooth way he breathed her name sending heat dancing up her spine. “You’re incorrigible. And if you don’t stop, this will be the last time you see me wearing this costume.”

“That is the idea.”

Needing levity, she pointed to the bags of candy in front of him. “Will you open those and pour them in this bowl while I go turn on the porch light? Light on means free candy. Light off, kids skip the house.”

Ichabod tipped his sailor’s hat at her. “Your wish is my command, Mistress.”

“Mmhmm.” Though her heart thrummed wildly, she threw him a disbelieving look as she headed to the entryway, her dress swooshing around her as she moved.

She chosen her costume to surprise her dashing husband, but truthfully she enjoyed the dress herself. It made her feel feminine and stately. Not that she’d want to wear the layers and corset-style bodice every day—thank God she’d been born in the 20th century—but it was a nice change. Her childhood and her profession hadn’t allowed for many of life’s pleasures so she’d always made a point to have fun on Halloween as an adult. Choosing a costume each year—the range varying from Wonder Woman and a mermaid to a Greek goddess and Beyonce—gave her the opportunity to pretend she was someone else, imagine all the fantastical lives she could live if given the chance. It’d become one of her favorite holidays, and she hoped Ichabod would come to love it and all the ways to celebrate it too.

He’d certainly taken to it more this year than last. He’d huffed and chuffed as they’d searched the Spirit Halloween store the previous year, becoming more horrified by the evil nature of most costumes and more offended by the lack of creativity of women’s outfits with each passing aisle. After perusing the entire store, he’d resolutely decided on a colonial figure, which really hadn’t required a costume at all, and wouldn’t budge. This year he’d suggested they choose costumes separately. She’d thought he’d just rather avoid the pretense of shopping for an acceptable get-up when he knew one couldn’t be found to appease his colonial sensibilities, but he’d deliberately surprised her, just as she’d done for him.

“Why are these called 'fun size’?” he called out to her.

She saw him warily eyeing the miniature Snickers bar he held and smiled, making her way back to the kitchen. “Because they’re smaller than average.”

“Hmm,” he rumbled with uncertainty, tossing the candy back into the bowl before he realized he had an audience. His eyes landed on her again, taking in the exquisite dress and the beloved woman wearing it, and his expression changed. “I’m most certainly of the opinion that smaller than average is 'fun size,'” he teased, dropping a kiss onto her temple as he grabbed the candy-filled bowl and made his way into the living room.

Another 15 minutes passed before the doorbell rang with the first trick-or-treaters seeking candy, and the two jawed on about their day: the pumpkin carving fun they’d had with Joe and Jenny before they’d watched Hocus Pocus, how they’d each selected their costumes with one another in mind, how they’d spend the upcoming holiday season, and what they’d do with any candy left over if they didn’t give it all away tonight.

Sitting closer to the front door, Abbie got up to answer it, and Ichabod sprang up to accompany her. She unlocked the deadbolt and reached for the doorknob when she felt his hand upon her arm, restraining her.

“Hold on a moment, Fun Size,” Ichabod’s voice rumbled from behind her as he curled himself around her and slid his hand down her arm to cover hers. “A captain must ensure his mistress is safe at all times.”

She smiled at his flirtation as he peered through the window at the top of the door, a full head above her own height. “Such chivalry,” she preened.

“Tis my duty,” he corrected.

“And your pleasure.”

“You’ve no idea,” he informed her, leaning down to kiss her bare neck. But before he could, Abbie ducked beneath his arm and out of his embrace.

“Not as of yet,” she taunted, throwing him a brazen smile and opening the door with one hand, grabbing the candy bowl off the entryway table with the other.

A small princess, Thor, and a clown stood on the porch, candy baskets held aloft as they all chimed ‘Trick or Treat!’ together.

Abbie grinned at the excitement on their faces and graciously dropped candy into each of their bags, waving as they skipped away to the next house.

“My, I do see the joy of celebrating All Hallow’s Eve in this fashion.”

His voice came from behind her, and she turned a bit to see him watching the children roam around on their street in a myriad of costumes: dragons, superheroes, monsters, pumpkins, fairies, and Disney characters.

“No wonder children enjoy it so immensely.”

“And you, Captain Crane?” she wondered, happy seeing the delight on his handsome face. “Are you enjoying it?”

He peered down at her and smiled contentedly. “Yes,” he affirmed, wrapping his arms around her waist. She leaned back into him as they stood in the doorway waiting for their next visitors, and he dropped a kiss on the crown of her head, causing them both to smile. “Yes, I most certainly am.”

[virlath]

Sera and the small painted box

One of the burning questions I’ve had since DAO is, what exactly was inside the painted box we stole from First Enchanter Irving’s room in the Circle Tower?

I had an epiphany the other day reading more into The Calling, and what follows is a pretty wild theory about Sera, the small painted box, red lyrium, and her connection to Andruil.

spoilers for everything, get your popcorn, and byo tin foil; the rabbit hole goes deep. 

The small painted box

Before the Inquisition and during the events of DAO, Sera was around ten years old, ‘playing with small painted boxes and burying stuff [she] stole’ in Denerim.

Based on her dialogue in DAI, it is strongly hinted the small painted box as part of the Friends of Red Jenny quest in Origins is associated to Sera’s childhood.

The quest seems like a standard fetch and deliver quest and it starts when you find a small painted box in First Enchanter Irving’s personal room in the Circle Tower. 

You then find the following note on a traveler when you are ambushed by Zevran:

The task was never promised to be easy. You said you could enter the Circle Tower, and you were believed. Find the small painted box in First Enchanter Irving's office and deliver it to the door marked in Denerim as agreed, or be prepared to find yourself hunted across Ferelden.

--Friends of Red Jenny

(There is a sketched map of several doors. It requires the box to be placed on it to block out false leads.)

A large shadow and a child’s laugh can be heard from behind the door when the deal is done, a clear hint that Sera was involved in this quest somehow. (also note the large shadow and change in air pressure when the door is opened...). After delivering the box, the quest is complete and you go on your merry way.

But what if the quest was something more? The item in the box was clearly important enough to warrant a manhunt if the person failed to deliver as promised.

What if the entire quest was a blip in a string of events throughout history hinting at bigger schemes going on behind the scenes? 

What if what was being carted around and stolen by the Jennies was in fact an enchanted red lyrium dagger previously used by First Enchanter Remille in The Calling?

The ebony black dagger

The Calling by David Gaider is a prequel book to DAO and recounts Maric’s journey into the deep roads as his party uncovers the Architect’s plans prior to the events of Origins/Awakening.

To cut a long story short, an ebony black dagger is a major plot item in the book, used by Duncan in the final battle to defeat First Enchanter Remille who was using blight magic taught to him by the Architect. 

Reading the story with the hindsight of DAI and Tevinter Nights, I am convinced the ebony dagger in The Calling is made from the same type of magic as the red lyrium idol. I also think there is a good chance the ebony dagger is what was contained within the painted box that we stole from Irving’s room and delivered to the Red Jennies.

Duncan first steals this dagger from Remille’s room in the Circle’s tower at the start of the book. A reminder that the story is set in 9:10 Dragon, 30+ years before the events of DAO.

Duncan was about to start searching the desk more carefully when something tucked away at the bottom of the wardrobe caught his eye. Something glittering amid a pile of rolled-up linens. Hidden. A slow smile crept across his face as he knelt down and moved some of the rolls aside. This revealed a red lacquered box, longer than it was wide and with a small golden lock. Very fancy, the sort of thing one might keep jewelry in, he thought.

Ignoring any warning thoughts about magical protection, he examined the lock closely and then reached into his belt to retrieve two fine pieces of wire. The lockpick was small enough to do the job, he figured, and as he quietly plucked away at the lock mechanism he was pleased to see he was right. It resisted him with click sounds until finally it gave way and released. Cautiously, he pulled it out and opened the lid of the box, half expecting it to explode.

It didn’t. Duncan gasped as he looked in the box to see an ebony-black dagger lying upon red silk. The entire dagger seemed to have been carved from a single piece of glossy stone, looking almost as if it was made of glass. Was it obsidian? He had heard of such a material but never actually seen it before. The hilt was beautiful, delicate ridges leading up to a pommel carved into a roaring dragon’s head. As he lifted it out gingerly, he saw what looked like red veins within the black blade, tiny cracks along its surface. He would have thought it was blood, but running his finger along the side told him it was perfectly smooth. Not a stain or blemish.

Now this was worth stealing. This was something special, something that the First Enchanter prized enough to hide within his own chambers...

Chuckling with amusement, Duncan slid the blade into his shirt. Where the smooth metal touched his skin he felt a tingle. Not unpleasant, and almost warm. It made him like the weapon all the more.

Read the entire excerpt above and compare the description to the red lyrium idol in the 2018 teaser...

..and tell me THE DAGGER AND THE IDOL ARE NOT MADE OF THE SAME THING.

Also, note the red lacquered box the dagger is found in.

This is a pretty big deal - not only because it’s now obvious red lyrium enchanted items have clearly been floating around a lot longer than I thought (way before the fifth blight even), but also because there is a very good chance Sera has come in contact with the same red lyrium enchanted dagger in her childhood.

Whether this was by fate, chance, or something else (Andruil perhaps? I’ll get to her later) is anyone’s guess, but I have a hunch her biggest fear, the Nothing (or the Void), is connected to her mysterious past and the reason why she is so scared of confronting her truth.

Prior to this revelation, I always assumed Sera’s painted boxes were like a child’s hobby to pass time. But there is actually nothing in lore stopping the boxes from being containers for stolen items, including being a red lacquered box. 

The Jennies have been around for well over a hundred years (possibly longer) and Sera somehow rose in the ranks at a very young age. Could her involvement in procuring this item as well as her natural talent for bows sped up her promotions?

The thing that sells this theory to me is that First Enchanter Irving actually replaces Remille after he is defeated in The Calling.

It is easy to assume Irving inherited Remille’s magical belongings including the box and the dagger. Coincidentally, the painted box is found in the First Enchanter’s room both times.

Furthermore, the Red Jennies in DAO clearly knew whatever was inside this box was important, and they were very specific with their instructions.

You said you could enter the Circle Tower, and you were believed. Find the small painted box in First Enchanter Irving's office and deliver it to the door marked in Denerim as agreed, or be prepared to find yourself hunted across Ferelden.

Remember during the time of the fifth blight, literally no one knew anything about red lyrium, let alone the blight or even darkspawn for that matter. Most people were even dismissing the idea of a blight entirely! So how was it that the Jennies knew this dagger was significant enough to warrant a manhunt over it?

Enchanted red lyrium

While we’re on the topic of the dagger, let’s talk about red lyrium for a bit.

Thus far only enchanted red lyrium has been able to nullify the effects of the blight/red lyrium. This can be seen with Sandal’s rune in DA2, Dagna’s rune in DAI on Samson’s armour, and possibly even in Tevinter Nights to nullify the piece of the Black City, called Dumat’s Folly. 

I’m convinced the ebony dagger is similarly made of enchanted red lyrium, because Remille initially allied with the Architect on the premise they would taint the entire world, but he never planned to follow through with it. He was only interested in the power of blight magic, and so needed a way to counter the Architect to betray their alliance.

In the final battle against him, no ordinary magic could counteract Remille’s spells. Only Duncan was able to slice through the shadows with the ebony black dagger before it ‘consumed him’.

Desperate, he stabbed at the shadow with his dagger. Better to carve off his own flesh than be eaten whole by this magic. To his surprise, he didn’t stab himself. The moment the blade so much as touched the shadow, they recoiled from it. He began pressing the blade with frenzied haste against his body wherever the darkness touched him, and each time it retreated.

Within moments he had escaped, backing against a wall and breathing rapidly. Terror raced through him as he stared at the inky black pool that lay just a foot from him, now sizzling.

...The dagger almost pulsated now. He stared at it as realization slowly dawned on him. He had stolen this from the First Enchanter’s quarters, something the man had hidden away...he’d hidden it from the prying eyes of the templars and the other mages. It was made of the same magic that the Architect had taught him! 

...

The mage unleashed a sphere. It flew at Duncan, making a shrieking sound as it sailed through the air, and when it reached him he closed his eyes and swiped at it with the dagger.The shrieking turned into a burst of sound that resembled a wail, and he felt a wave of coldness wash over his skin. It was like being dunked into a freezing pool of water, but he didn’t slow and he wasn’t hurt.

The dagger’s enchantment also protected Duncan from the brooches Remille gave to the party at the start of the book to ‘hide them from darkspawn'. The brooches did work as intended, but unbeknownst to them the brooches also accelerated the taint within the wardens which allowed the Architect to track them easily.

This was why Duncan hadn’t been affected by his brooch like the others had. His skin had never corrupted, he’d never heard the Calling, all because the dagger’s enchantment had protected him.

To be clear, it’s never explicitly stated what the painted box in DAO looked like or if anything was even in the box, however I would guess it probably does contain the dagger considering it was left in Remille’s chest after he is killed. Presumably it was later retrieved when the tower was cleaned up and forgotten about thereafter. 

I do wonder why Duncan never thinks to retrieve the dagger for inspection though, considering he and Fiona are later recalled to Weisshaupt to report on the Architect’s powers. The wardens take an interest in studying the brooches Remille gave them, so it’s bit of a mystery as to why they didn’t think to inspect the dagger as well. Duncan isn’t a mage so perhaps he wrote it off as some custom enchantment Remille cooked up and tied to him personally.

And to be fair, no one really had much first-hand knowledge of fighting the darkspawn and the blight for centuries before this, so maybe it was simply an oversight from everyone. Blight magic was and still is a huge mystery because rarely anyone has seen it and lived to tell the tale. The dagger also only activates around blight magic so to most people it would just look like a static glossy black dagger (with red veins through it).

Where did the dagger come from and why did Remille have it in his possession?

It is never explained how Remille obtained the ebony black dagger in the first place, but given the fact he first met the Architect in the Fade I’m going to guess a separate third party got wind of his alliance and offered him an alternative deal. 

Perhaps the Red Jennies were involved behind the scenes and they helped plant the dagger in Remille’s room. Perhaps the mastermind behind this scheme hinged their bets on the assumption Remille would choose sole power over an alliance with the Architect because that is what they expected him to do.

Taking this idea one step further, I believe the mastermind behind this could very well be Flemeth herself, who warned Maric a blight was coming way back in The Stolen Throne. Remember, she’s been around a long time and knows the hearts of men. 

"Men's hearts hold shadows darker than any tainted creature."

How could she have known about a future blight if she did not have prior knowledge of the Architect’s plans?

Personally, I believe she has been playing a long game of “chess” with various third parties throughout history (the “Old Gods”) in an attempt to seek out her revenge/end-game. 

The issue of the blight is the most pervasive problem in Thedas and it’s becoming increasingly clear to me that Flemeth’s main opponents in all of this are the “old god” whisperers who have been whispering in the minds of men since the veil was created.

I think the Architect (and the rest of the darkspawn magisters) are pawns to higher beings impersonating the Old Gods with the end goal of tainting the entire world. The old god dragons are a different matter entirely - third parties caught between the power struggle of blight vs. no blight, and are unfortunately for them, magically sealed within their prisons underground.

Solas loathes the idea of the Grey Wardens killing off the old gods preemptively the instant he catches wind of it, yet this same idea is explored by the Architect way before the Fifth Blight. I believe Flemeth and Solas are on the same page with regards to this and they both know slaying the Old Gods preemptively is a bad idea.

Flemeth says herself she nudges history, or shoves it when required. But she also says things happened that were never meant to happen. 

Perhaps she tried stopping the fifth blight by making the enchanted dagger available to Remille, but the unknown factored in and the Architect managed to get away before he could be killed. 

When the Architect preemptively started the fifth blight by awakening Urthemiel, she sent Morrigan with the HoF so she had a chance to preserve the old god soul.

And after the events of DAI, her ‘shove’ to history is passed on to her lackey, Solas, because all her chips have been lined up in the previous 40+ years of plotting and manipulating.

As for the dagger in question, a few questions remain.

Do the Red Jennies still have the dagger in their possession and where is it now? 

Did Sera come into contact or use this dagger at any point after the HoF delivered it in Denerim? 

Will the dagger come into play in the future as an alternative way to counteract blighted creatures or even Solas or the evanuris?

Does the red lyrium idol act similarly to the ebony dagger, given the fact it has been described as a ritual blade in Tevinter Nights and possibly was the weapon Merrill spoke of in DA2??? Massive implications if so.

Sera is an echo of Andruil

I am convinced Sera is a wisp or echo of Andruil and she’s retained jumbled up bits of her memories and abilities from ancient Elvhenan. 

The theory has already been well explained in great detail here so I encourage you to check it out:

Sera’s connection to the ebony dagger from The Calling is very suspicious to me, because there is strong evidence Andruil had been dabbling with the blight and the Void, so much so Mythal had to steal her memories from her to cure her ‘insanity’.

If Sera hosts even a wisp of Andruil (which I strongly believe she does), was Andruil ‘killed’ like Mythal at some point in time and is only now just reforming as Sera? 

Is Andruil now trying to help rid the world of the blight instinctively after seeing the devastation it caused first hand?

I disagree with the notion that Sera being Andruil cheapens her character. To be honest when I first heard the theory I didn’t want to buy into it either. It felt too convenient and on-the-nose. But there are simply too many coincidences and foreshadowing that I can’t ignore anymore. There is definitely something special about Sera.

If anything having this theory confirmed would strengthen her overall character arc and the DA universe as a whole to me, because there is still so much potential for her character by the end of Trespasser. Solas says himself, when spirits die they can reform if their spirit form was strong or if the memory was shaped by other spirits.

Sera is a character that is easy to hate but in my opinion, one of the most self aware and insightful characters in the series. She says herself around the start of the game that she wants to see what’s true for herself. 

She was raised as an Andrastian but deep down she knows there’s more. If you read her journal her problems reconciling her religious upbringing is constantly on her mind.

If Andruil really did have her memories stolen by Mythal and her memories are now slowly coming back, triggered by the events of DAI, the big question is whether or not she can eventually face her greatest fear of the Nothing (the Void) to move forward and come to terms with her past self- a part of her she is clearly trying to lock away.

With the blight and red lyrium looming over Thedas, if Sera were to confront her nightmares and memories based on Andruil’s prior knowledge, she could be a very useful ally to have in uncovering Solas’ motives and objectives, how to navigate the Void, and potentially even help to stop the blight.

Personally, I have always felt Andruil was one of the gods who actually wanted to do good, but was manipulated by the people around her for power and so she eventually succumbed to the institution she was in.

Perhaps Sera’s spirit is Andruil but also something more - an echo that actually remembers its past and what it was like to be corrupted by power because that memory and experience left such a strong impression. 

Perhaps Mythal’s sapping of her strength and her reformation in Sera finally allowed her a chance to reflect on her past actions and make instinctive decisions to be a part of the Red Jennies and join the Inquisition to protect the little people instead.

This would explain why Sera hates nobles so much, and why she asks a romanced Inquisitor for reassurance they are still themselves at the end of it all. ‘I just need you to stay you’.

She’s seen power corrupt people first-hand and this is why she believes in the chaotic, undefined hierarchies of the Red Jennies, because she doesn’t believe in glorified rulers with nobles at the top anymore. Which funnily enough, is very much in line with Solas’ thinking.

Remaining questions on her I would love to see addressed in the future:

What was the shadow behind the door in Denerim with Sera? What was even going on in that room that the air pressure inside felt different when the door opened? It sounds magical. And remember, Sera hates and is terrified of magic.

If Sera was involved in smuggling out the ebony dagger from Irving’s room, what did she do with it? She was only around ten years old at the time - why was she even dabbling with this item to begin with?

What is she so afraid of in the Void when she’s never even really been there? (presumably, maybe she forgot or blocked it out of her memory)

Why does she experience deja-vu and why can she sense the veil when she’s not a mage?

Has she blocked out parts of her memories because her dabbling with the ebony black dagger in her childhood caused her to remember too much of her past self?

When she describes the sky as ‘feeling like falling’ is that how one enters the Void? By falling up into the sky of a titan?

And why is she so afraid of a romanced Inquisitor falling into the Void? Her vision/nightmare foretells the Inquisitor’s death and fall into the Void after the battle with Corypheus but what if it foretold a future event, something we may possibly see in DA4?

Personally I believe the events of DAI particularly the Fade and The Temple of Mythal triggered certain memories within Sera that reminded her of her past and the consequences of her actions.

I believe she knows what the Void is and how to wield it’s power, but she’s afraid of confronting the truth because the knowledge of what it can do to a person truly terrifies her. 

When you are corrupted, you forget your sense of self, you forget all sense of time and even past conversations, and you even forget your true face. 

[missdutch21md]

Music of the Night (1)

A/N: Hello Dear Readers, 

Here is Part 1 of this precious series of mine! I have put a lot of love and care into this story, I hope you enjoy it! (There’s more to come of course) 

All my Love, 

Soul 💖

Summary:

The time is 1856. Location: Paris, France at the Opera Populaire. Taehyung is living his life when who should stumble into his life than the most beautiful singer he has ever heard? She was the missing instrument to his orchestra. She would complete the score for his… Music of the Night.

Pairing:  Opera Ghost! Taehyung x Singer! Ballet Dancer! MC

Universe: Phantom of the Opera AU

Characters: rich! Seokjin, rich! Yoongi, dance instructor! hoseok, officer! Jimin, stagehand! Jungkook, chorus girl! BlackPink 

Genre: Fluff 🥰, Mature 🔞

Length: 2.1k 

⚠️Warnings⚠️: mentions of religion, stalking, slight yandere themes

Please keep in mind this is a work of FICTION this in no way reflects on any BTS members or Taehyung as a person. This is simply a story for the imagination.

Go b a c k | Turn p a g e | M.List | Request 

As I sang, my voice steadily got louder claiming the attention of those who were still around. All at once, Jin and Yoongi’s conversation came to a halt. The stage hands and the ballet dancers practicing for the show in the coming weeks all stopped to hear as I sang. The music built to a crescendo and I kept in pitch perfectly but kept in time with the music a little clumsily but still pushed on.

I finished singing the notes that maestro Namjoon gave me and timed it with him ending the music.  

“Brava!”  

“Tres magnifique!”  

The two owners of the opera house made their way from the back of the orchestra seating going onto the stage to greet the new ballet dancer that was meant to be an addition to the ballet.  

I nodded and bowed blushing slightly. “Merci monsiuers, I am most humbled by your applause,” I greeted them kindly. “I am _____.”  

“Ma cher, that was quite wonderful,” The taller man began.  

“A diamond in the rough,” the shorter man beamed at me.  

“Mademoiselle, please meet Monsiuer Kim Seokjin,” the taller man bowed. “And Monsiuer Min Yoongi,” the shorter man bowed. “They are the owners and operators of the Opera Populaire,” Maestro Namjoon explained to me from his place in the orchestra pit.  

I nodded and curtseyed again as gracefully as I could. “Thank you for taking me on as part of your chorus, I will do my very best.”  

“Chorus?!” Seokjin hollered down to Namjoon.  

“That is entirely unfitting” Yoongi protested.  

“You forget that you signed on Francesca for another year,” Namjoon reminded the two owners with a tired sigh. “Also, Minnie got pregnant Mademoiselle ____ is meant to fill her place.”  

“Right,” Jin looked down at me with pleading eyes. “ the moment to contract with our current leading soprano has finished. You will be our star,” Jin took one of my hands and got down on one knee. “Please don’t even think of leaving to another house until such time as we can give you a proper spotlight?”

I giggled at how dramatic the tall and striking man was being. Didn’t he know how happy I was to be just accepted as a chorus girl? “My good sir,” I pulled on his hand to get him to stand. “There is no need for that. I want to be here. No matter where you put me.”  

“A true lady, indeed,” Yoongi smiled at me softly. “And you’re punctual?”  

I nodded eager to please. “Oh yes, of course.”  

“How old are you mademoiselle?” Yoongi inquired.  

“I am just 24,” I answered with a small smile.  

“How darling you are,” Seokjin hummed. “Please call me Jin.” I nodded agreeing to this.  

“See to it that she is settled in.” Yoongi called to a chorus girl who came up eagerly and he turned back to me.  “We will take this first year to train you and get you ready for the spotlight. See to it that you don’t lose this kind and polite manner.” He gave me a hard look but I could tell he was fighting off a smile.  

I nodded. “I won’t disappoint you, monsieur.”  

“Well go get settled then, if you please,” Jin ushered me over to one of the chorus girls.  

“I’m Jennie,” she smiled up at me warmly.  

“I’m ____,” I introduced myself to her as we made our way to the back of the opera house where the real magic happened. I watched as everyone kept working to build the world for the upcoming production.

“How old are you?” she asked me keeping me engaged in conversation. 

“I’m 24, and you?” I smiled at her as we passed by sculptures being made. 

“I’m 23!” she beamed. There were costumers sewing and there were carpenters working on the set and stage hands setting up the rigging. I looked on in wonder and did my best to follow Jennie back to the bed chambers. Though she said we would be making a stop along the way. 

We stopped by the costumers to pick up a uniform for me.  Jennie held up some tights and dug for another pair when she saw the poorly mended run. A skirt. A shift. A bodice. When she had gathered all the items she wanted, she instructed for me to follow her further into the back of the grand opera house.  

“You’ll be sleeping beside me,” she giggled and allowed me to set down my things. “You have your own pointe shoes, right?”  

I nodded.  “Yes I do,” lifting up the small sack I carried. It was the last thing that I had from my father. He had bought them for me when I was a little girl, saying he would make sure I was trained by the best teachers, and he kept his word. I started taking lessons right away. My eyes gleamed at the thought of my recently passed father and tried to blink the tears away when Jennie turned to me again. 

“Why don’t you get changed into this then and we will go see monsieur Hoseok before lunch?”

I nodded and waited for her to shut the door to quickly get changed. I found the silk ribbon in my sack and tied back my hair as I made my way to Jennie who was conversing with one of the stage hands while waiting for me.  

“____-ssi, this is Jeon Jungkookie,” Jennie introduced me to the cute boy.  Another glance in his direction showed me he was more like a boy-man. His face was so sweet, but he had the build of someone that always had to work. 

“Nice to meet you,” I smiled in greeting with a small bow.  

“She’s my Unnie so you better be nice and watch out for her Kookie,” the girl glared at the boy.  

Jungkook looked offended. “As if I never look out for you Jennie –noona,” he guffawed.  

“I’m watching you,” she challenged with a finger pointed to his chest.  

Jungkook turned to me and bowed to 90 degrees. “It’s nice to meet you ____ -noona.”  

I nodded and thanked him bowing my head a little. “The pleasure is mine. Jennie mentioned we would be late for lunch. I hope to see you around,” I smiled kindly.  

Jennie then took my hand and we made our way to the kitchen. Where we bumped into other chorus girls. Jisoo, Rose, and Lisa. I learned that I was the same age and the unnie of the other girls as well and they all were so glad to have me around.

Jennie mentioned again that we should go meet Hoseok and Jisoo said it’d be better for us to wait. “He isn’t very happy. No one told him that Minnie was dismissed last night,” she explained with a sad look in her eyes. 

He knew it was coming of course. He just didn’t think they would turn it around so quickly.  

I gulped in nervousness. Maybe he would purposely try decide to hate me and make this next year torture for me? We ate lunch quickly and then made our way out to the stage again to find monsieur Hoseok and maestro Namjoon as they were discussing the upcoming production.  

When we came out to the stage again. Everyone was present. Even Francesca had risen from her bed. Jisoo and Lisa pointed out that she only ever came out from her quarters when someone important was coming to visit. And someone important must have been coming today. For the diva was dressed to the nines. Her costume molded to her form, her make-up was well done, and her hair was perfectly in place.  

As Francesca was warming up with maestro Namjoon, I timidly made my way over to Monsiuer Hoseok to introduce myself with Jennie at my side.  

“You must be the new girl,” he smiled warmly at me.  

I nodded, bowed low and introduced myself.  

“Such a cute thing,” he mumbled mostly under his breath I wasn’t sure that I really heard it. “I have been informed that we will be training you for the coming year. Please know that I am strict. And I will not tolerate any loose behavior. We can’t replace you as easily, or so I’m told.”

I nodded and promised that I would abide by his rules.  

Hoseok seemed satisfied with my answer and asked me to join the rest of the girls to warm up and asked Jennie that she show me how things are done around here.  

Once we warmed up, we started the dance for the upcoming production. And Francesca began her rehearsals for her aria. I suddenly understood why Jin and Yoongi were so desperate for me to stay on with the promise of the future.  

While Francesca wasn’t necessarily a bad singer. She was technically very good. She had good control and her voice could carry. But the quality. The quality was lacking. Her voice was grating on the ears so much so that even some of the maids stuffed their ears with cotton so as to lessen the assault on their ears that her voice inflicted.  

“I wonder how long it will take for him to notice her.” Jin hummed while watching from stage right while us chorus girls were at practice. I was in the back with Jennie learning the dance and doing my best to keep up trying to not let the voices of the managers distract me.  

“The opera ghost?” Yoongi questioned softly. As though just saying the words would make him appear.  This made my ears prick up I’d always had an “unhealthy interest” in the macabre as my aunt once put it to our priest. 

Jungkook, as though on cue, came down from the catwalk with a sealed envelope. “Here please Sir’s. It is addressed to you,” Jungkook bowed and stepped away once Yoongi took the letter.  

“It seems our resident genius may already be aware,” he gave Jin a meaningful look before bringing his attention back to the crisp stationary. Yoongi broke the seal on the letter and read it quietly to himself.  

Francesca at Jungkook’s interruption and the mention of the note waited with bated breath for Yoongi to finish reading. “What does he have to say, my manager?”

Yoongi looked over at the diva almost rolling his eyes. “He is pleased with the newest addition to our chorus. And some other administrative concerns.” He answered handing off the letter to his partner Jin who now took the letter to pour over the words.  

“How could he possibly know of the new patron?!” Jin practically screeched.  

Yoongi shared a dark glance with the man with an insincere smile. “Someone likes to talk. Loud.”  

Murmurs seemed to spread through the crowd. Yoongi turned to address us, the ensemble. “Yes. We have a new patron. It is Vicomte de Chagny, Park Jimin.”  

There were audible gasps of excitement in the crowd. “He is coming to visit today actually,” Jin tacked on after.  

“Ah, I see you’ve made the announcement,” Jimin said as he entered from stage left causing some in the crowd to cheer and applaud. I gasped not believing the sight before my eyes.   

“Do you know him Unnie?” Rose queried.  

I nodded. “We grew up together. He was like my little brother. I haven’t seen him since my parents died and I had to go live with my aunt. That was so long ago almost 10 years now.”  

Jimin stood among the other men smiling and conversing while we all talked excitedly amongst ourselves. Jimin then announced he wouldn’t hold us up and said he would be with us on opening night for the new production next week.  

I stood up taller hoping Jimin would notice me. And visibly deflated when he walked past without a second glance.  

“He didn’t see you,” Jisoo tried to reassure me. I nodded and brought my attention to Hoseok when he tried to bring us back to order. The rest of the day was a blur. So much so that I asked Jennie to show me where the chapel was. I needed a moment to breathe before bed. And I needed to pray.  

While I sat in the small room. I did not know there were dark piercing eyes watching me closely. I said a quick prayer and asked God to please continue watching over me. As I sat praying. I faintly heard the most beautiful voice.  

I reveled in its sound and even joined in singing along to the hymn.  

I was sure it was someone far off singing loudly so they couldn’t possibly hear me, I assured myself. I slowly became quiet again as a yawn forced its way from my lips.  

“Good night angel,” I called out before making my way up to the chambers. I changed into a simple shift and climbed into bed beside Jennie and promptly fell asleep once my head hit the down pillow.  

Go b a c k | Turn P a g e | M.List 

[bee-kathony]

Kneading Love | Ch. 4 “Simple” 

a/n: thank you so much for reading! now, I know this story has an “M” rating on ao3 and it’s pretty G-rated right now. spoiler alert: that will all change verra soon ;) I hope you enjoy another chapter and as always, thank you @julesbeauchamp for the moodboard! 

Chapter One |  Chapter Two | Chapter Three 

In all his twenty-five years of living, Jamie had never brought home a lass. There was never anyone he was serious about, and the last time he even had feelings for a girl was when he stayed with his uncles before the war. He’d been young and foolish, sleeping with the granddaughter of the cook and thinking that he was a man.

He was a boy then, a very stupid boy, but now he was a man. A man who was hopelessly in love with Claire Beauchamp, even if she didn’t know it yet. He only wished his father were still alive to meet her. It was his father, Brian, who told him that when he found the girl he was going to marry, he would know right then and there. With Claire, it was instantaneous.

His mother, Ellen, was in her early fifties, but looked much younger. She had red hair much like Jamie’s, but it was fading now to a more sandy color. Ellen Fraser was a gentle woman, but she was also fierce and stubborn, just like her children.

Jamie and Claire had finished the hot cross buns and locked up the shop. Now, they were walking through the door of Jamie’s childhood home, Lallybroch. Upon first seeing the old stone house, Claire had gasped and commented on how beautiful it was. Jamie took pride in his heritage and he was glad to be sharing it with her.

“Are you sure your mother won’t mind me joining for dinner?” Claire asked for the second time as they stood in the entrance.

“Aye, dinna fash, Sassenach,” Jamie grinned. “She loves company, and I ken she’ll love ye.”

A moment later, his sister came in from the kitchen, a red apron tied around her waist. When she spotted Claire next to Jamie, her eyes went wide.

“There ye are, Jamie. I thought ye’d never make it back,” she smirked. “And it looks like we have company. Tis good to see ye again so soon, Claire. I’ll just go and tell mam.”

“I really don’t want to impose, Jamie,” Claire said softly and to calm her, Jamie grabbed her hand and squeezed.

“After we eat, I’ll give ye the grand tour of the place. But, by now I’m sure Jenny’s told my mam yer here, so there’s no point in keepin’ her waitin’,” Jamie grinned and led Claire through the wide living room and through a door that opened to a long corridor. The smells coming from the kitchen made Jamie’s stomach grumble and he realized he hadn’t eaten lunch.

“Hello mam,” Jamie said as they stood in the doorway. Ellen turned around from the oven, placing a hot dish on the counter nearby. Her face lit up, as it always did when she saw her son. Then, her eyes darted to Claire, taking in the woman Jamie had brought home.

“This is Claire Beauchamp,” he said nervously. “I’ve asked her to join us for dinner, I hope that’s alright.”

“Of course it is, lad,” Ellen smiled warmly and came around the table in front of them. Expecting a handshake, Claire stuck her hand out in front of her, but Ellen wrapped her strong arms around her and held her close. “We hug in this family, Claire. I’m verra pleased to meet ye.”

“As am I,” Claire smiled. “Your home is so lovely, and it smells wonderful in here. Is there anything I can do to help? I’m afraid I didn’t bring anything on such short notice.”

“Och, dinna fash, lass. Yer our guest and besides, dinner is ready!” Ellen smiled and took Claire’s arm from Jamie, showing her to the table. Jamie couldn’t help but laugh; his mother was protective and it seemed she had now taken Claire under her wing.

“I’m sure Jamie willna like me sayin’ this, but he’s mentioned ye a few times, Claire,” Ellen said with a certain twinkle in her eye as they all sat down at the table. “He said ye moved here not too long ago from London, was it?”

“Yes,” Claire cleared her throat. “I wanted a fresh start after the war and I thought what better place than the Highlands!”

As they chatted, food was passed around the table. It was Jamie’s favorite, rabbit stew with all the vegetables they grew in their garden. He was so hungry that he ended up stuffing his mouth and let his mam do all the talking.

“I’ve lived in Scotland all my life,” Ellen said to Claire. “I moved to this verra house wi’ Jamie and Jenny’s father almost thirty years ago!”

“Jamie’s told me about his father,” Claire reached for Ellen’s hand, squeezing lightly. “He sounded like a really wonderful man.”

“Aye, he was,” Jenny smiled softly, remembering. Jamie wished more than anything that his father could be here now to meet Claire, to offer him advice in the ways of the heart.

“And where are yer parents, Claire?” Ellen asked.

Jamie had wondered the very same question. On their picnic, they had spent a lot of time talking about Jamie’s family, and had never got around to Claire’s. What Claire said next shocked him, and made him want to hold her in his arms.

“They died when I was young,” Claire said softly, looking down at her hands on her lap. “I barely remember them. I lived with my Uncle Lamb up until a few years ago when he passed away during the war. I suppose I’m an orphan now.”

“Oh lass,” Ellen’s hand wrapped around Claire’s shoulder, pulling her in for a hug. “I’m verra sorry to hear that. Losin’ the ones ye love can bring such pain. Sadly, I ken that all too well.”

Claire’s eyes met Jamie’s across the table and he gave her a smile, receiving a small one in return. While he loved that his mother was getting along so well with Claire, what he really wanted was to get her alone.

“I’m so glad that ye’ve moved here, dear,” Ellen smiled and Jenny nodded in agreement. “It’s always nice to meet new faces.”

“I canna wait until yer wee shop is open too,” Jenny grinned. “I can just see it now — all the flowers and herbs lighting up the place, it’ll be just bonny.”

“With Jamie’s help, the place will be almost finished,” Claire smiled. “A fresh coat of paint, and some finishing touches and I’ll be open for business!”

“We’ll be first in line,” Ellen smiled, clapping her hands together and then she rose from the table. “I’ll clean up. Jenny would ye mind helpin’ me?”

“Aye, mam,” Jenny smirked at Jamie as she stood from the table.

Finally, what Jamie had been waiting for since the moment they arrived — a chance to be alone with Claire again.

“I’m goin’ to show Claire the rest of the house, and then I’ll walk her home. Thank ye for dinner mam, twas delicious,” he kissed his mother on the cheek and then ruffled his sister’s hair against her protests. “Come wi’ me,” he grabbed Claire’s hand, leading her back out to the living room.

They walked in silence as he led her up the stairs. He felt a tug on his hand and looked behind him to see Claire stopped at a painting. Jamie’s heart sank as he realized which painting she was looking at.

“Who’s the other little boy?” Claire asked, pointing at the painting. It was of Jamie and his older brother Willie and their dog. It was obvious which one was Jamie — red flaming hair, blue determined eyes and a stubborn smirk on his face.

“That’s my brother… Willie,” Jamie said as he stood next to Claire, his hand brushing against hers. “He died just a few years after this painting was done. Twas the measles, and not even a week later he was gone.”

“Oh, Jamie,” Claire grabbed his hand, wishing she could offer enough comfort in this simple hand gesture. She knew what loss felt like — the numbness that washed over you and clouded everything else. The pain that hit you out of nowhere when something reminded you of the ones you had lost. Yes, Claire knew all too well what grief was like and she saw it now reflected in Jamie’s eyes.

“He was goin’ to take over my father’s bakery,” Jamie said. “He was properly trained, and even after he died, I pursued my studies as ye ken to become a teacher. But after my father… I knew what I had to do.”

“Even in all that pain,” Claire reached up and cupped his cheek, wiping away a few tears that had begun to fall. “You found joy in baking and by doing it you’re keeping your father and your brother’s memory alive. They would be so proud of you… no matter what you do with your life.”

Jamie leaned forward and rested his forehead against Claire’s, feeling safe in her presence. Like he really could accomplish everything he set out to do, and he knew with Claire by his side, anything was possible. In the short time they had known each other, he had grown accustomed to the way she made him feel — invincible.

“I want to show ye something,” he said softly and tugged on her hand, pulling her after him down the hallway. He opened the door to their library — walls covered with books piled high. But what he really wanted to show her was out the window.

“Look,” he said and positioned her in front of him. The view from this spot of the house was breathtaking. The sun was setting over the horizon, just on the edge of the moor and it made the land all around it glow.

“This is stunning,” Claire said, feeling breathless. “I can see your garden out back, and all the trees for miles.” She looked up at Jamie, feeling that same breathless feeling. “I’ve only been in this country a short time, but already, I’m falling in love with it.”

“Aye,” Jamie agreed, his finger coming to rest under her chin. “It’s a good place to fall in love, Sassenach.” He leaned down and sealed their lips, smiling as he felt Claire’s hands wrap around his waist.

++++++

A few days later, once the rush of Easter was gone, Claire was standing in the middle of her shop, waiting for Jamie to arrive. They were going to attempt to paint the interior white, which was the opposite of what it was now — a dark, and depressing brown. Claire was hoping that the white would brighten the place up and also be a blank background to showcase all of her colorful flowers.

She’d been pacing all morning. Her nerves were shot and that was only because of Jamie. Meeting his mother and seeing his family home had been one of the most pleasant experiences Claire had ever had. Since she was all alone now, she desperately missed having a family to go to. She felt accepted by Jamie’s family, and she felt loved, even in such a short amount of time.

Moving to Inverness had been the best decision Claire had ever made. In the time she had been here, her nightmares from the war had nearly ceased. Most nights, she slept peacefully, and rarely did she wake in a cold sweat, afraid that at any minute a bomb would drop. There was a peace here in Scotland.

Claire had spent far too long deciding what to wear this morning, and had settled on an older pair of overalls and an already paint stained white shirt. Her hair was tied back with a bandana she had set out all the tools they would need for the day.

Several cans of white paint, roller brushes, small brushes for the base and corners and tarps to protect the floor. Now all that was missing was Jamie.

As if her thoughts had conjured him, a soft knock came from the front door and Claire turned to see Jamie coming in, the small bell overhead ringing.

“Good morning, Sassenach,” Jamie smiled brightly. In his arms, he was carrying a brown paper bag and based on just the smell alone, Claire knew it would be delicious. “I’ve brought us breakfast, I dinna ken if ye’ve eaten or no.”

“Oh, I haven’t!” Claire walked over to the bag to inspect it’s contents. Inside were croissants, and an assortment of other pastries that would last them the day, if not several days. “I don’t usually eat breakfast, but I think I can make an exception today.”

“Ye dinna eat breakfast?!” Jamie asked, astounded that someone would skip the most important meal of the day. “How do ye no’ eat breakfast, Claire?”

Shrugging and reaching into the bag, Claire pulled out what was a cheese danish and took a large bite. “I just never feel hungry in the mornings,” she said, covering her mouth with her hand as she chewed.

“I could eat bowls and bowls of parritch in the mornings,” Jamie replied. “And… I do!”

“Parritch,” Claire said, taking another bite. “That doesn’t exactly sound too appealing, but I like this just fine.”

“Thank ye,” he grinned shyly and reached up to brush a crumb off the side of her cheek. “I do have to tell ye that my mam hasna stopped talkin’ about ye since ye came for dinner the other night. She loves ye and expects ye to come around more often.”

“Really?” Claire felt herself blushing, a warmth spreading through her. “Well, I’d love to if the offer ever presents itself,” she smiled up at him.

Jamie stood there, his fingers itching to reach up and take her face between both her hands and kiss her. But he refrained and instead tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “Ye can come have dinner wi’ us every night if it suits ye, Sassenach.”

Finishing the last bite of her danish, Claire grinned and turned away from Jamie to show him the paint.

“Now, I realize it would have been much easier to paint when there was nothing in here,” Claire waved her hands around at the shop. “But, if we’re careful and not flinging paint around, I think we can manage.”

“Seems easy enough,” Jamie said, taking in the room. It was a medium sized room, and hopefully would take them just the one day for two coats of paint. “Are ye still plannin’ on paintin’ the outside too?”

“Yes,” Claire nodded. “But, obviously we won’t have time for that today, and I understand if you need to get back to your bakery so I won’t be hurt if you can’t come back this week and help with that.”

“I’ll help ye,” Jamie said. “Jenny can mind the shop for awhile.”

Before they could get started, Claire went over to her record player that was set up near the front counter and dropped the needle on her most recent record of jazz. The bright sounds of the trumpet and saxophone filled the room and Claire bounced back over to Jamie.

“Shall we get started?”

They both picked up a roller and dipped it in the paint. Hours and two coats of paint later, the flower shop looked brand new — at least on the inside.

“It really does look so much better,” Claire smiled, leaning up against the only non-painted item in the room.

Jamie set his brush down, careful to not spill the half full bucket and came to stand next to Claire. He was sad that the job was done, because that meant that it was time to part from Claire. As he looked over at her, he noticed she had flecks of paint all over her face.

“You’ve got paint all over ye, a nighean,” Jamie laughed and tried to wipe, but the paint was already dry. “Ye’ll have to scrub good tonight.”

Claire touched her own face, feeling the flecks of paint. “Is it in my hair too?”

Jamie ran his fingers slowly through her hair, touching the curls and never wanting to let go. “Nah, yer hair is safe.”

“Thank God for small mercies,” she laughed. “While you’re here, there is something out in the greenhouse I need help lifting, if you wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course!”

As they walked outside to the greenhouse, Claire noted that the sun was starting to go down. And with the way her stomach was growling, it was also time to find something to eat.

“There’s a bench in the corner that I want to move and place just outside, but it’s so damn heavy.”

“Dinna fash,” Jamie said and walked over to the large wooden bench. Claire was in the process of joining him so she could help him lift it, but by the time she reached the corner, Jamie was already lifting it off the ground.

“Christ,” she muttered under her breath. His muscles flexed and Claire felt no shame in admiring the ease at which he lifted the bench.

“Just over here then?” He asked, not even sounding out of breath.

“Yes, just there against the outside of the wall,” Claire pointed. He set it down, adjusting it to the perfect spot.

“Let’s test it out, shall we?” Jamie plopped down onto the bench, leaving enough room for Claire to join. “I’ve had fun wi’ ye today, Claire.”

“I can’t thank you enough for helping me today. I don’t even know how long it would’ve taken if it was just me on my own,” she said. Their knees brushed against one another, and Claire felt the tension return.

Jamie angled his body towards her, taking her hand between his. So far, they had kissed several times, but neither had had the courage to say what they were feeling. It was clear that something was happening between them, but what exactly, Jamie wasn’t sure.

“Sassenach,” Jamie rubbed his fingers over the back of her hand. “I ken tis no’ a secret that I have feelings for you.”

Claire felt her stomach twist at this admission. For weeks, she had been wanting to say something. And ever since their kiss at the bakery last week, it became clear it was mutual.

“I think about ye all the time,” he said softly, all while holding her hand. “Ever since I fell of my bike and met ye. When I kissed ye…”

“I felt it too,” Claire said quickly. “To be honest, I was afraid of my own feelings. How quickly they seemed to happen, but I’ve enjoyed every minute we’ve spent together.”

“God, I want to kiss ye,” Jamie smiled lopsidedly. His hand cupped her cheek and she leaned against it.

“I want you to,” she admitted. “Please.”

Sitting on a bench in her garden, Claire and Jamie kissed, this time knowing exactly what it meant. It wasn’t rushed — it was perfect and simple, and suddenly everything fell into place.

[sympathyfortheblinderdevil]

All is Fair: Ch 11

Hi, Y’all!  Thank you for being so patient and not giving up on this fic even though I have been egregiously late with updates. At best, my life is erratically populated with periods of leisure time and periods of hectic, soul-crushing work. I, like many of you, am in the midst of a forced period of leisure time, so you will probably see more frequent updates. I appreciate those of you who are willing to stick around to see what happens next, and I hope you are in good health. Tell me what you think! x

Discovery and Dissolution

Polly Gray sat in her Bentley, wrapped in fur. Through her dark glasses, she watched the scene on the street where Lia worked. The bitter north wind cut straight down the sidewalk in front of the library and sent patrons scurrying for shelter within. A cluster of people shuffled through the arched brass doors, and Lia stepped out. She was a vision in a blue cashmere long coat, a mink collar clutched around her neck. The wind caused her coat to flap and play peek-a-boo with leather boots that stretched up to her knees. Both items were gifts from Tommy, Polly surmised. She noticed that Lia still wore an older pair of wool gloves. Guess he couldn’t think of everything.

 Despite the cold, Lia wore a little smile as she walked along. She’d been hard at work referencing and cross-referencing research with a professor of Art History at the University of Birmingham, and he was pleased with the help she’d given him. He had mentioned working with her again in the near future. Lia had come a long way from shelving books. She was beginning to realize the kind of life she had only dreamed was possible when she first came to Birmingham.  As she neared the corner, though, she was pulled out of her thoughts when she noticed familiar-looking woman in a posh car was watching her.

 Polly lowered her window and called out, “Lia, Lia Montrose!”

 Lia slowed down and warily approached the car. Polly extended a sumptuously gloved hand, looked over her sunglasses at Lia, and introduced herself, “Polly Gray…Tommy’s Aunt Polly.”

 Lia visibly relaxed and took her hand at those words, “Mrs. Gray…I’m pleased to meet you.”

 “Get in, it’s time we got acquainted.”

 In a matter of minutes, Lia found herself sitting in the kitchen at No. 6 Watery Lane while Polly found two cups and put the kettle on. She then reached into the cupboard where she found a tin of tea. Upon opening it and sniffing the contents, she decided that it would do. Decked head to toe in Parisian tailor-made garments, she looked odd moving around the kitchen with such familiarity.

 While they waited for the kettle to boil, she offered Lia a cigarette and lit one of her own. They’d spoken hardly a word since they entered the house. Lia was loathe to break the silence with small talk, so she waited for Polly to say what was on her mind. They sat, smoking and soaking in the dusty quiet of the dimly lit room.

 Only when Polly poured the tea did she finally speak. “I brought you here so that you could see where Tommy lived...where we all lived before the money came.”

 Lia looked all around the room and smiled, “So this is where Tommy began.”

 Polly waved her hand with a flourish and laughed, “Who knows where Tommy began. If I hadn’t witnessed his birth I’d swear that he was flung out of heaven and barred from hell.”

 Lia smiled knowingly, “Well, Lucifer was a fallen angel.”

 “Exactly.” Polly raised an eyebrow and leaned back in the rickety chair. “I want you to understand why Tommy is,” she searched for the right words and finding none she continued, “the way he is.”

 Memories flooded Polly’s mind as she looked all around herself, gesturing here and there with the hand that held her cigarette. “Look around you, Lia. This is where we moved when things got better. You don’t want to know where we lived before when things were worse.”

 Lia swallowed hard and held her cup with both hands as if to draw every bit of heat out of it. She was suddenly cold. She had not grown up with much, but she was certainly comfortable. Her home had a lightness about it. The room where she sat with Polly was cozy, homey even, but the air was laced with soot and traces of despair.

 “Does that explain why he is so driven?” Lia wondered aloud.

 “Partly,” Polly mused. Then she looked at Lia with soft brown eyes, almost like she sympathized with her. She felt sorry for anyone who loved Tommy, even herself. “He has always been different. Clever and driven since the night he was born.” Then she looked away, “But he did have a big heart.”

 Did.

 It wasn’t Polly’s intention to make Lia uncomfortable or uncertain of her place in Tommy’s life, but Lia couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated. Lia’s chair creaked as she shifted her weight and sat her teacup on the table, and Polly saw in her eyes a vulnerability that hadn’t been there before.

 “We all had to make sacrifices to get where we are today, but Tommy has sacrificed the most. Business comes first. Always. Ada says that Tommy likes you, he may even grow to care for you, but there are certain things you will have to accept if you want to be with him...”

 “So he has said,” Lia broke in. She immediately regretted cutting Tommy’s aunt off, though Polly showed no sign of being offended. She just sipped her tea and smiled.

 “Has he said what he plans on doing with you when he returns to London, Dear?”

 Lia winced a bit at the question. “No.”

 There was silence between them again. A clock ticked out the seconds from the next room and the sounds of people shouting to each other in the street filtered through the walls. Having finished her tea, Polly lit another cigarette and let the quiet grow around them. She believed that you could learn a lot about a person by how they chose to deal with spaces in conversation, so she waited and watched.

 Lia ruminated on Polly’s last question as long as she could, then stood and looked toward the parlor, silently asking permission to go in.  Polly rose and accompanied her. Dusty furniture and photographs sat frozen in time as if they were waiting for Polly to run the sweeper or Ada to polish the tabletops. The fireplace sat waiting to be lit. But she couldn’t see Tommy until she looked up the shadowy stairwell. It was narrow, and she could barely see the top stair in the darkness, but something in the woodsy smell that drifted down reminded her of him. Polly caught the wistful expression on Lia’s face and placed her hand on Lia’s back.

 “His room was up there,” Polly nodded.

 Polly peered into the darkness and flipped a switch, then nodded in the direction of the stairs, inviting Lia to climb them.

   ***

 The sleek grey Bentley rolled along Cannon Lane and splashed slush in its wake. Lia sat in back with a heavy woolen blanket wrapped around her legs. She made small talk with Rodney, the Blinder up front. Already, she knew that he had a fiancé and that they were to be married in June. His mum and dad were from Coventry, and they were both deceased. Also, Tommy had taken him under his wing as a boy of thirteen. Tommy kept him from starving and from, as Rodney put it, “…falling in with the worst sort of criminal element.” It seemed like everywhere she turned there was another person with a story about what Tommy had done to help them.

 Rodney delivered her to her door, and eager to get out of the cold, Lia darted inside.

  “Jenny, are you here?”

 A few snowflakes floated to the floor while she hung up her coat and unbuttoned her mink lined gloves. She noticed that the kettle was on, and so she called out again.

 “Jenny!”

 Her cousin bounded down the stairs, pulling her arms through the sleeves of a cardigan as she came.

 “Jesus, Lia!” she laughed. “Is the bloody house on fire?”

 “I have news,” Lia beamed.

 Jenny nodded her head and set about fixing tea, “Go on then. Tell me your news.”

 “WE have the use of a car.”

 Jenny froze and her heart sank. “Come again…”

 “A car, Jenny! Tommy doesn’t like the idea of my riding the bus and walking to work, so he is sending a car ‘round for us every morning and afternoon. One of his men will drive us to and from work,” she enthused.

 Jenny stood blinking at her for a moment then responded in a monotone voice. “A Blinder, Lia. ‘One of his men’ means a Blinder. I’d rather walk in the rain and snow.”

 She turned her back to Lia and got out the plates, careful not to take her simmering mood out on the crockery. She tried her best to keep her distrust of Tommy out of her relationship with her cousin, but it was hard to keep things light when every other word out of Lia’s mouth was “Tommy”.

 Jenny had taken quite a bit of flack at work because of Lia’s connection with Tommy Shelby. She’d had her fill with entering rooms full of chatter only to have them go silent, and she had dodged several sideways comments about her recent promotion. She hated to kill the mood, but someone had to be the voice of reason. Rolling up to work chauffeured by a flat cap wearing thug was more than she could tolerate.

 Lia balled her fists and tried to modulate her voice as she asked, “Why do you hate him so much? Hmm? He is good to me and he wants to help you too.”

 “Help? Is that what he calls it?” Jenny turned back around and eyed Lia’s obviously new and obviously bought by Tommy clothes. “If you want to play house with him and let him dress you up as his little doll that’s your business, but I won’t be ferried around town in a car that was paid for with blood money.”

 “That’s not fair, and you know it. Our family weren’t always saints. Granddad was the first one in the queue to spunk away his wages on the horses and the last one out of the pub at night.”

 “Right, and it was people like the Shelbys who were more than happy to take his wages off of him while Nan and our dads went shoeless.”

 She had a point. Lia hated the fact that she had a point. Damn Jenny for always knowing how to snatch the stars from her eyes. Lia sat down and put her head in her hands to hide her tears. It was so easy to let Tommy do little things for her, to buy a scarf here and some gloves there, to make life easier for her in a thousand little ways. He never made her feel like it was payment for services rendered. How could Jenny take all of Tommy’s kindness and turn it into something dirty, something tainted and wrong? The gifts and the thoughtful things he did for her were not part of a transaction, they were just part of the way he liked to take care of her. She wished that for once Jenny could see the goodness in Tommy.

 Since Aunt Polly had shown her the house and the betting shop where Tommy had launched his empire, she had a deeper understanding of him. Since she’d stood in his tiny bedroom where he had wrestled with the echoes of the tunnels and sweated through nightmares of poverty and war, she saw him through different eyes. She had grown to tolerate his last-minute cancellations and welcome him without pouting when he’d kept her waiting half the night.

 Polly had opened her eyes to the man behind the façade in a way that he could never do himself. With that understanding, she opened herself up to the possibility of a life with Tommy. No, nothing about what happened between them was mercenary. Tommy just took care of people in his life. She was used to Jenny acting like an older sister and alerting her to pitfalls she had overlooked, but this was too much. The tears of frustration and despair that she had hidden behind her hands were becoming tears of rage. Over and over Jenny had proven that she wouldn’t ever approve of her relationship with Tommy, and Lia was finished with seeking her cousin’s approval.

 She wiped her eyes and spoke through gritted teeth, “You know, Tommy has offered to let me stay in one of his properties near the library. Maybe it’s time to take him up on that offer. I’d hate for my reputation as the Shelby whore to rub off on you.”

 Jenny put down the knife she’d been using to slice the bread. “Calm down. I didn’t say that…”

 “But that is what you meant.” Her words came out clipped and cold. “I don’t want my reputation for sleeping with the Gangster of Parliament to ruin your chances with some nice mid-level clerk, so I’ll just move out.”

 “No…don’t! I’m just worried about you. You are like my little sister and I’m afraid you’re riding for a fall. What happens when this is over?”

 Lia abruptly stood and lashed out at Jenny, “Over?” Lia growled.

 The word struck a chord of fear in Lia that made her dizzy. In an instant, all of her nights with Tommy, the taste of his sweat, the feel of his mouth, the smell of his sheets, flashed through her mind. She turned that fear into rage and took a step toward Jenny as she shouted, “I love him! That’s enough for me! Why can’t it enough for you?”

 It was true. She loved him so much that it hurt. Her face was red and blotchy and her chest heaved with every breath. She was tired of fighting Jenny at every turn, and at that moment all she wanted was Tommy’s arms around her.  She needed him so badly that she felt like she would fly into a million pieces without him holding her together.

 Jenny took a step backward and bumped into the kitchen counter. Lia looked truly deranged. A realization came over Jenny like a wave. Lia was a different person now— a person who turned a blind eye to the ugly side of her man and made excuses for his shortcomings. It had been happening gradually over the last few months; the absent-minded dreamer that she had grown up with had disappeared. Back then, no matter how far out Lia got Jenny was always the voice of reason who could reel her back in, but Lia wasn’t listening to her anymore. This was different.

 There seemed to be no turning back. Jenny knew that she had already said too much, but couldn’t resist a parting shot as she headed for the stairs. “Love? How can you love him when the only things you have in common are each other?”

 Even as Jenny said it, she wondered if it was true.

  ***

   Tommy and Arthur were sitting opposite each other at Tommy’s desk in their shirtsleeves talking about horses. Arthur had put too many logs on the fire and the room was like an oven. It was past the close of business and they should have been heading home, but they had lately taken to staying for drinks a couple of nights a week. Arthur would tell stories about Billy and the chickens, and Tommy had even opened up a bit about Lia. Arthur was cursing the heat and rolling up his sleeves when they heard someone pounding at the door.

 “You expecting company?” Arthur asked in his rough, whiskey soaked Brum.

 Tommy ran the tip of his tongue along his teeth and shook his head, “No.”

 They stood and Arthur made his way toward the door, his hand on his pistol.

 “Who’s there?” he boomed.

 A muffled voice called, “Lia Montrose. I need to see Tom…Mr. Shelby.”

 Arthur turned in his brother’s direction and feigned seriousness. ”Shall we let her in, Tommy?”

 Tommy rolled his eyes and huffed, “Open the fookin’ door; it’s freezing out there.”

 Lia entered the building shaking snow from her disheveled hair and stamping the slush from her boots. Her cheeks were pink from the cold and her eyes were a bit watery from the wind. She imagined that she looked a fright, but Arthur thought she looked like an angel.

 Arthur stood there looking her up and down while she tried not to gawp at the pistol hanging loosely under his arm until Tommy cleared his throat and began to make introductions.

 “Lia, this is my brother Arthur. Arthur, Lia Montrose.”

 Arthur straightened up and offered to take her coat. As he hung it on the rack, he smiled a bit too broadly and said, “Tommy has told me a lot of nice things about you.”

 Tommy knew that something was wrong because he and Lia hadn’t planned on seeing each other until the weekend. After a few pleasantries, Tommy stared at Arthur until he made his excuses and left.

 Chills shook her body; she was shaking like a leaf, so Tommy took her by the hand and led her into his office where a fire roared and two glasses of whiskey were already waiting. He sat her down on his desk and took a seat in front of her, all the while rubbing the warmth back into her arms and hands. She looked down into his crystalline eyes and tried to find the words to say what she’d come for. At that moment, she was ever so grateful that Tommy knew how to take his time with her. He would wait until she was ready to talk.

 She finished her first glass of whiskey and leaned into him. She breathed deeply and sighed, feeling better already simply for having him there to hold her.

 “I don’t know what to do,” she mumbled into his collar.

 “About…” he prompted her while stroking her head.

 She sat back up and his hands went to her thighs rubbing slow, soothing circles over her skirt. She watched his hands and thought about what Jenny had said. She didn’t know very much about him, other than what they did together. Hell, she only just met his brother. His business dealings were a mystery and she had learned more about him from the papers than from his own words. So what if she became breathless around him? So what if her tummy fluttered every time he entered the room? Surely there was more to love than the helpless infatuation she felt for him.

 Tommy lay his head in her lap and wrapped his arms around her hips thinking that maybe she would be able to tell him what was wrong if his eyes weren’t watching her. She ran her fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.

 “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

 “Is that right?” Tommy whispered.

 Lulled by the sensation of her fingernails on his scalp, he could feel the knots in his shoulders loosen. He was trying his best to be attentive to her needs, but his mind drifted to what he’d like to do with her on his desk.

 “Jenny and I had an awful row… the worst one we’ve ever had,” she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and went on, “I can’t live with her anymore.”

 That got his full attention.

[donotexterminateupgradepudding]

Defining the relationship between the 12th Doctor and Clara Oswald - part 3.

Oh goodness, I’ve made it to a part 3 and I’m not even through season 8.  Oof.  I had to cut myself off since the season finale for 8 is critical to understanding the Doctor and Clara’s relationship since their true colors [feelings] come out in these two episodes.  But before getting to Clara and 12, we need to tackle Clara and Danny.

And this brings us to “Dark Water”  which starts out with Clara talking to Danny on the phone.  Recall, that the last episode had Danny giving a soft ultimatum to Clara to go home and do her marking before they talked again about their relationship and his expectation of her being honest with him.  She spent that evening with the Doctor and was not alone marking or thinking about Danny and their relationship at that time.

For this important phone call it is clear that she’s very stressed out about this and she’s got a bunch of post-it notes up on her bookshelf to try to help her get through this phone call.  As soon as Danny picks up and answers, she tells him to shut up, he laughs at her teasing if this is how they are communicating now and she replies by telling him to shut up more.

Her repetitive use of “shut up” is a direct copy of the Doctor’s quirk when he’s stressed out.  As well established by this point, Clara is talking to Danny like how the Doctor would talk to others ~ think back to “The Caretaker” where the Doctor says the exact same thing to Danny and other times as well.

So even though Clara is a different person and a more socially adept individual, she’s starting to act more like the Doctor.

Danny is clear to her that he’ll be there in a few minutes and he can talk to her then to which she responds, no, not while you are in the room.�� Danny retorts back that is suggestion is stupid. 

She then tells him to “Stay.  Shut up.”  Again, a very 12th Doctor thing to state.  So that she can tell him the truth, she wants for him to stay in place so she can say all that she needs to say uninterrupted by his actual presence.  A bit harsh and detached, but this is quite telling, her love for Danny is a sort of concept for her that is abstract.  She can’t address the love to him directly. 

She is very nervous.  She wants to get this right.

Danny keeps asking if it were better if he were there, but this is something that she feels might be better without him around.  Her notes are all in relation to her travels with the 12th Doctor and only one reference to 11, “impossible girl”.

She tells him that not all of what she has to say is good, but she is searching her notes to decide what to say next . . .

There is a reference to the mechanical man from the Victorian period and the dinosaur murder, “Psi” and “Saibra” from the bank robbery, Madame “Vastra” with her being the “impossible girl” in the newspaper ad as well as “Robin Hood”.

Her notes also cover her conversation with “Maisie” as well as using her as bait, “Jenny”, “Courtney on the Moon” and the fact she will become the President, the “Boneless” (as named by the Doctor) her “lying . . .”

her notes aren’t quite in a clear order - what is interesting is that the Doctor’s note is by itself and next to a picture of Danny who is a bit out of focus and recessed compared to the Doctor front and center.  There are also more mentions of “Miniature Clara” from going into the Dalek, Rusty the 2nd (Rusty the 1st was in Utah in 2012 with 9 and Rose), “Kill the Moon”, and “Karabraxos”.

She keeps looking at her notes as she stumbles and struggles to find her words . . . this is a huge deal.  Clara and the12th Doctor are two people who are never at a loss for words.  They can easily weave words with little effort 99% of the time.  The fact that Clara Oswald is tongue tied indicates she’s very emotional.

She finally grabs the “Just say it” note which is next to “truth” [underlined] and “three months” with other notes including “Rupert Pink/Dan, Dan the Solider man”, “Robin Hood” and “rob the bank”, “lying” [underlined twice], “the teller” and “Orient Express”.  Randomly, she also has a hyperscape body swap ticket hidden among the items clearly from her travels, does this mean anything?  Or a reference to their travels not covered in the show?  Interestingly, “three months” appears on two post its.

I think one of those is the amount of time that she was angry at the Doctor between “Kill the Moon”, their break up and “Mummy on the Orient Express” their make up.  The next three months is likely from their make up until “In the Forest of the Night” when Danny calls her out on how she supposedly hadn’t seen the Doctor for months.

Gathering all of her courage she with the post it, she says it.

With this, she says “I love you”.  This time without Danny in front of her she tries to make her full point as how this is different.

Danny:  I love you.

Clara: No, not like that. Not like it’s automatic. Not like it’s how you end the phone call, the sign off, the pat on the back.

Danny: Clara . . .

Clara: I will never say those words again, not to anybody else, ever. Those words from me are yours now.

Danny is now stunned and confused as he slows down and can’t think of what to say.

She then tries to fill the awkward silence as she explains there is more as she puts the note back and becomes nervous as she asks him to speak to her, since “this is, this  . . . is killing me.”

She then goes to tell him again that she loves him and he’s going to be the last person ever to hear him say that.

Of course the random woman picks up his phone and tells her that she’s so sorry as Clara sprints to the scene of the accident and some time later is just standing in the road at the same spot a day or so later?

Clara is then in her apartment with flowers and condolence cards as she dials the Doctor - who is no longer a stick insect on her phone.  Is this an upgrade for him since she now has him as a person and not insect?  But he doesn’t have a picture so perhaps she got rid of the picture for Danny?  By telling Danny she loved him, she changed the Doctor’s picture?

Clara’s Grandma tries to comfort her by telling her that she should cry and it was terrible.  But Clara can’t see that, she sees it as boring, ordinary, how it was nothing.  Danny died and everyone went about their business . . .

Her Grandma tries to reason that Danny deserved better and so does Clara, she retorts that nobody deserves anything, including herself.  Instead, she is “owed” better.  Who owes her, her Grandma asks right as the Doctor picks up the TARDIS phone as she tells him it is the same old same old.  The Doctor then asks what he can do for her - and it is clear that she will make the Doctor owe her something.

Immediately upon entering the TARDIS she tells the Doctor that she wants to go away as he asks for context “work, kids, dullness” etc.  Instead, as she walks around collecting TARDIS keys, she says she wants to see a volcano, but the Doctor thinks it is pretty lame.

Clara then asks if he has the sleeping patches and he refuses to let her have one.  She uses the patch to knock out the Doctor who wakes up in front of a giant sea of lava as she tells him that he told her what it takes to destroy a TARDIS key, lava.  Clara threatens the Doctor by revealing that she has all 7 of the keys and she throws one into the lava as the reveals that Danny Pink is dead.  He will fix this.  He refuses and she holds up another key before she tosses it into the lava.

The most interesting aspect of their conversation is that she tells him that he can change time as she has seen it.  He reminds her that this creates a pardox which destroys her timeline so he must refuse her.  Her argument is that he doesn’t care about rules - which is true, what she is missing is that he cares about her.  The Doctor will refuse her since he doesn’t want to hurt Clara.

Doctor: in reference to time - I know when I can and I know when I can’t. Throw away the key.

Clara: I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to take control.

Doctor: I am in control. Throw away the key. Do as your told!

Clara: No!

Doctor: While either do as you’re told, or stop threatening. There really isn’t a third option here!

Clara: You know what Doctor, when it comes to taking control, you really are out of your depth.

They continue to escalate with the one remaining key as they argue, the Doctor tells her to do as she’s told and she just cries back no, the Doctor tells her she won’t do it as he reaches out to stop her and the key flies into the lava and the TARDIS chimes its alarm bells.

She then breaks down as the Doctor looks distressed as she collapses to her knees crying.

As she begins to cry he at first backs away unsure what to do.  He wants to comfort her, but he pulls back.

Clara then continues to cry as she asks him why he’s just standing there?  He knows what she’s just done and his mannerism then shifts.  He softens as he turns to look back at her.

He really goes through a range of emotions as he looks to his left and the right to her as he’s clearly trying to hold back something. The Doctor’s face is very contorted as he frowns and looks like he’s about to cry before he begins to tell her to look in her hand.

He is trying to hard to stay calm in the situation.  Clara is too upset to notice the facial gymnastics he displays in this instance.  We see a lot of emotions on his face.

He finally gets her to look at her hand and realize she has the patch in her palm.  The Doctor then explains it isn’t a sleep patch, it induces a dream state where she acted out her scenario.  As he removes it from her hand it reveals she threw all the keys around the console of the TARDIS.  This then explains why he shifts to smiling as he tells her to look at her hand.  Even though she is in a dream state, her interaction with him was in real time.  In her dream state he reaches out towards her and holds her right hand in his left as he gently removes the patch.

I’m sure the way they hold their hands isn’t just by accident, he almost cradles her hand in his as he “wakes” her up.  If this were meant to be a cold interaction, he would have just grabbed her by the wrist and yanked it out - instead he is so soft in the way that he handles her . . . he doesn’t want to hurt her and likely let her know he supports her.

So a few points to ponder from Clara’s lava TARDIS key dream state;

i.) Clara has to be incredibly upset and not thinking as she normally does.  She damn well knows that one does not need a key to open the TARDIS door!  She herself can snap her fingers and the TARDIS door will open or close, in addition to the Doctor himself.  Clara is so grief stricken she lashes out at the Doctor without even thinking about it.  This is how upset she is.

ii.) Does Clara have a ring that matches the Doctor?  As she holds up the keys in the dream state, she has a gold ring with a green-ish stone in the center on her left pinky finger.  This looks quite similar to the Doctor’s ring that he wears on his left hand on his ring finger, also gold with a darker colored stone in the center.  She also has a band ring on her left middle finger as well as two more rings on her right hand as above when he removes the patch.  We don’t really get a good look at the rings on her right hand, but the camera and focus really seems to highlight the one ring on her left pinky.

I don’t have the time to go back and look at Clara’s outfits in all the previous episodes but this one really visually makes sure that we focus on her hands.

Now, back to the action.

He tells her that he was curious to see how far she’d go - which she realizes was very far and they now both know.  She, currently frozen in place asks him what this means about them, what happens between them now as he fiddles with the TARDIS console not answering her at first.

She asks him again, and he replies by saying “Go to hell” and Clara says “Fair enough”.  The shot then zooms out to show her not having moved the entire time and the Doctor across from her clearly upset based on his body language.

He’s leaning forward and looking away from her.  When the 12th Doctor is upset it shows in his posture, he leans and sways when upset as he tries to process his emotions.

Clara then turns away and walks to the exit.  The Doctor is confused and walks after her, he tells her that she asked him what they were going to do and he told her.

They are going to hell or where ever people go when they die and with honestly and maybe again holding back some of his tears . . . since his eye looks a little wet in the corner there, he’ll help bring him home.  He can’t make eye contact with Clara when he’s speaking until he says this last bit.  The rest of the time he’s just staring off as he is speaking.  This is hard for the Doctor.

Right after this, he has his own emotional malfunction.  He immediately smiles like this - the fake-est smile possible from him!! Oh he’s trying so hard to look supportive of Clara here! You are a terrible liar at times Doctor, when you have a personal connection to someone you cannot lie well.

But he can’t hold this flash of a fake smile for long as as he looks away from Clara he has his own sad smile here.  This is how he really feels, this is his introspective sad smile.  He’s lost Clara to Danny and in order to make her happy, he’s going to feel sad and it is exactly like Clara on the Orient Express.

Clara then finally is able to speak after he discusses investigating the afterlife.

She shakily responds trying to hold back her tears as she asks that he’s going to help her as he replies that of course he’s going to help her.

Clara struggles to respond.  As an unusually eloquent speaker herself all she can say is incomplete and he cuts her off by saying she betrayed him.

He tells her how she betrayed his trust, their friendship, everything he ever stood for and he shouts out, barely keeping his emotions under control as his voice cracks “You let me down!” Still shocked, Clara can only ask why are you helping me? For dramatic effect he says why from behind the TARDIS console as he approaches her as he says one of his heaviest lines

Do you think that I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?

As he finishes that statement he looks at her like this, with such softness in his eyes.  This is how much he loves her. 

As he looks at her, crying before him, he’s not sure how to react.  He panics and tells her to stop it with the eyes, he doesn’t know how to handle it when she gets very emotional in front of him and he blurts how how uncomfortable he is by observing how her eyes inflate as she cries before him.  Clara’s crying is making him upset and he likely is close to crying so he needs to stop himself before he gets swept up in it too.  He turns his back to her as he composes his thoughts as he tells her to stop whining as this is one of their darkest hours.  He’s right in front of her as he says the following:

“let’s see what we’re made of, [dramatic pause] you and I.”

He delivers these lines in a whisper as he leans in towards her, at eye level since he’s a few steps lower than her, so they can meet eye to eye. 

The equal footing, the whisper, this is no ordinary way to speak to each other, it has a level of intimacy and urgency to it.  As they lock eyes, he then nods in the direction of the console and he runs up to it as she follows a bit reluctantly.

The Doctor then fiddles with the controls so that he can remove all of the navigation locks and she can use the telepathic interface again.  She and Danny are tightly linked through their time streams, they discuss how as a result of that she should be able to find him if he is anywhere.

This time their body language and physical interaction couldn’t be more different than the previous time they used the interface. First off, he’s much bolder, he gets square behind Clara as he grabs her right hand with his as he leads it towards the interface and his left hand is on her arm as she reaches forward with her left.

Already, instead of being beside her, he’s right behind her.  He also doesn’t take his time, he’s in a hurry as he rushes her to use it. She tells him that she doesn’t deserve him as a friend.  He leans towards her as he speaks to her left ear as he apologies that he is exactly the friend that she deserves.

To be this close to her, he is clearly in physical contact with her, he’s pressed up on her back and he leans into her to push her forward to the console.

Let’s pause here before moving on - like holy crap!  This entire scene is so contradictory.

To sum it up with my understanding of events, as a somewhat serious and sarcastic summary.  Please keep in mind this is my reading of their conversation and actions.

Doctor - I love you too much to care that you would hurt me.

Clara - I am confused, i hurt you so much. I love you and trust you though.

Doctor - This is our darkest time! This is a test of us [as a couple?]!

Doctor - I am going to physically touch you as I stand behind you and explain that we are perfect for each other. Look at me, I am supporting you!

Clara - Ok, I’m going to find Danny.

Doctor - Find the man you lost.  Oh wait, but where is he now?

Argh, this is soooooo confusing!  The Doctor uses language that implies a “we” and a “us” for him and Clara.  Yet, he’s trying to help her find Danny.  Does he ultimately think he can’t be saved, but he loves Clara so much it is worth going through the motions for her?  I can’t help but think one part of him is doing this to prove to her how much he loves her. Or is he doing this to prove to himself why he loves her so much?

Does he think their relationship transcends a normal romantic relationship?

I’d say yes.

Back to the action, Clara cries as the Doctor talks her through finding Danny, for her to embrace her pain, but not become lost to it so that she can find Danny as a tears run down her cheeks.

The TARDIS then thinks that Danny is somewhere and it takes them to a destination.

Clara asks Danny will be there and he clarifies they are someplace that is linked to Danny.  He then tells her she needs to return to normal to be quick-witted, skeptical, critical not mopey.

He goes on to say it puts years on her face.  Another odd line is “And what if people see us together? It looks like you’ve been melted.”  She retorts back asking if he forgets what they are doing and he reminds her that they are getting her boyfriend back from the dead.

Why would he be so concerned about others seeing them together?  To think that he’s the reason why she looks so upset?  That they are a couple?  Argh, again!

Clara and 12 then investigate the water tombs at 3W and they encounter Missy.  At first, he is quite forward with her, but as soon as she approaches him closely, he becomes completely tongue tied and stammers having to rely on Clara to help him out that they are browsing etc.  The Doctor is clearly quite uncomfortable and is shocked when Missy does the “official“ welcome.

She grabs the Doctor by the lapels of his coat and shoves him up against the glass as she french kisses him with a lot of tongue and even traps him back with her umbrella handle.

The Doctor completely freezes, his hands are pressed against the wall and glass as he eyes are shut and he looks pained.

Clara is so shocked she turns away as Missy continues to make out with the Doctor.  Here you can see the umbrella on his left side.

As she finally pulls back the Doctor is frozen in absolute shock.  He’s panting for breath as he asks Clara with a great pause if it is finally over.

Missy pretty much caused a major systems failure for the Doctor.  He makes a really weird face opening and closing his mouth as he slowly tries to process how the kiss was very . . . realistic as Clara cuts him off my asking if there was tongue with clearly some jealous undertones in her voice.  The Doctor has a look that could kill as he tells her to shut up. 

Some random woman just made out with the Doctor - Clara doesn’t want to admit that she’s feeling a bit upset, the Doctor isn’t supposed to get kissed by someone else!

She’s pissed in the next scene as she can’t look at the Doctor as he’s recovering from the shock of a very wet and intense kiss as Missy asks if Clara is interested in the welcome as well;  she’s stewing in the corner before angrily refuses.

Missy then asks if she needs to adjust her settings and the Doctor is quite clear that she should do that, do it right now and Clara tries to calmly state she turn it down a tad.

As the Doctor tries to get answers, he’s still not quite recovered still stuttering as Missy states that she is in charge and she repairs herself.  She dramatically grabs his hand and places it on her heart as he is again taken aback.  He asks about who maintains her heart to which she replies:

When she says the doctor, Clara turns to look at her and the Doctor as he asks “Doctor who?”, Missy only makes a scoffing laugh before yelling for a Dr. Chang.  As she lets go of his hand, the Doctor is left standing there stunned and frozen.  Clara has to tell the Doctor that it is okay for him to put his hand down.  So after his entire pep talk to Clara, she is now the one trying to keep him on track.  Who has their wits about them?  Clara.  Who is completely lost and confused?  The Doctor.

Before they go off with Dr. Chang, Clara holds out her hand as the Doctor asks if she is okay.  She’s not quite looking at him as she replies “No.”

He then relies that it is good that she isn’t.  If she were good it would be wrong and while he speaks he reaches out to grab her hand.They pause before they follow him holding hands.

He even gives her hand an extra squeeze as they look at each other before walking off.

When they talk to Dr. Chang, he tries to stall to not tell them the truth since Clara has had a recent loss.  The Doctor says she’ll be fine.  She replies that if he speaks for him, she’ll hurt him - before saying that she’ll be fine. Okay, there old married couple. . . .

Clara and Danny then try to talk over the weird 3W wifi system - the Doctor is skeptical as they could have determined his voice from scanning her. 

Danny asks her who she is talking to (the Doctor) before she replies back to him and never mentions that she is with the Doctor.  They then split up as the Doctor needs more information and he reminds Clara to not believe anything. No matter how hard it may hurt.

The conversation between Clara and Danny is so telling.  She needs to keep her wits about her, so she tells him that she needs to ask him questions and he is immediately defensive.

Clara and Danny struggle to connect as he just want her to believe it is him while she doesn’t get the information she needs to be assured that it is him.

Meanwhile, Missy and the Doctor meet again as he is confused who this female Time Lord is, she keeps saying he knows who she is and that she’s all his.  He begins to back away from her in a panic and immediately thinks of Clara!  He needs to get to her as he calls her name.

Doctor: Clara, Clara, Clara! I’ve gotta go get Clara!

Missy: Oh Clara, Clara, Clara!  I should shoot you in a jealous rage.  Now, wouldn’t that be sexy?

The Doctor then opens the door to run outside as she’s turned off the elevator.  The Doctor then runs out into the middle of London as the action goes back to Clara and Danny.

Danny tells Clara that he loves her and Clara replies that anyone could say that.  She coldly replies that “I love you” means nothing, she needs him to say something that proves to her that he is really Danny.

Clara then becomes as contradictory as the Doctor.  She tells Danny that once he proves to her that it is him, she’ll make sure that she is with him, she wants to be with Danny Pink.  He argues back that to get where he is, she would need to die and that she should live her life.  He just keeps telling her that he loves her and she threatens to turn the thing off if he says it again.  He pauses and then tells her he loves her again.   He does it knowing damn well she will switch it off which she does.

Danny then begins to weep and he is given the option to “delete” himself to deal with those pesky feelings. 

Clara then is in shock as she rolls back in the chair and looks around before noticing the Cyberman and runs in search of the Doctor.

The Cybermen are then deployed as the Doctor is in a panic and Missy reveals herself to be the Master.

The next episode “Death in Heaven” has the Doctor and Clara operating separately for most of the time.  Clara then uses her lying skills to prevent Cybermen from killing her by convincing them that she is the Doctor and reveals how much info she actually knows about the Doctor.

She is eventually found by a Cyberman that is not under the control and he states that she is lying before knocking her out, killing the other Cybermen and taking her with him.  The viewer then gets to see that the rogue Cyberman is Danny.

While all of this is happening, the Doctor is drinking tea with far too many sugars in it from the displaced liquid from the teacup that has overflowed onto the saucer.  He is informed he is the President of Earth as a part of UNIT.

Skipping all the action on the 747 with the Doctor and UNIT and Missy killing Osgoode etc. etc. it is more important to go back to Clara in a graveyard with Danny.

She approaches him and asks him if he took her there as he turns away from her briefly.  She inquires that he knows who she is.  Danny replies that she is not the Doctor.  Clara states that she was lying to stay alive and asks how does he know so much about her and the Doctor.

Danny replies that she is his associate.  Clara firmly and very strongly replies that she is not his associate.  She is his best friend. Right now she is his best friend in the entire universe.  She then tells him to look up the Doctor and what happens to him if he threatens her based on the Doctor’s abilities.

Danny asks where the Doctor is, and she laughs back at him.

She’s not giving up any information about the Doctor right now.  To rub salt in the wound she even calls him daft.

Clara then draws the biggest line in the sand showing where her true heart lies.

I would never, ever give up the Doctor. Because he is my best friend, too. He is the closest person to me in this whole world. He is the man I will always forgive, always trust, the one man I would never, ever lie to.

The entire time she says this Danny keeps crumpling his id papers in his hand as he gets angrier and more upset and more hurt.  He almost shoots her, but instead, removes his faceplate as he tells her that Danny Pink is dead and she has a complete look of shock and horror as he asks her to help him.

Yep.  So Clara just spilled all of her most intimate feelings to Danny when she didn’t know it was him and what does this tell us.  That Clara loves the Doctor far more than Danny, then she could never love Danny that same way as the Doctor and she never was going to have an equal relationship with him.

Poor Danny.

The action goes back to the chaos on the plane as Missy tells the Doctor that she put Clara and the Doctor together and kept them together.

The control freak and the man who won’t be controlled!

The Doctor then answers Clara’s call as Missy mocks him and she explains that Danny is a cyberman, he’s crying and he’s in pain and hurts because of her and she is going to make it stop.  The Doctor frantically tells her to stop as he’ll kill her if she activates him.

Clara then asks him if he is going to help her or not.  The Doctor shouts back he’s not going to help her commit suicide.  She then states that the TARDIS can home in on her cell phone and that the Doctor is either going to help her or leave her alone and she tosses the phone away as she fiddles with the wires in Danny’s emotional inhibitor.

Of course the Doctor regains the TARDIS and heads to Clara’s location as he yells at her to stop.  He runs to her as she turns to him and away from Danny as she asks him to help.

As he tries to tell Clara that Danny will kill her and others, Danny replies he will not harm her.  The Doctor then steps in front of Clara as she turns away from both of them with her back to the Doctor and Danny.

He cautiously walks around Danny as he calls him P.E. and Danny replies Sir as he explains the Master in vague terms as his former friend.

The Doctor places his hand on Danny’s heart as he tells him pain is a gift as it allows one to know when they’ve hurt another.  Danny shames him and the Doctor accepts it fully, agreeing with Danny, as Clara looks sad in the background.  The Doctor asks Danny to tell him what the plan is and he states he can’t because of the inhibitor being off.  Danny then fights back against the Doctor.  Of course he’s super upset, Clara pretty much declared that the Doctor is far more important to her than he ever will be.

Danny: Clara, watch this. This is who the Doctor is. Watch the blood-soaked old general in action.

Danny goes on to repeat he needs to turn the switch on.

Danny: And didn’t all of those beautiful speeches just disappear in the face of a tactical advantage . . . sir.

The Doctor slowly staggers away as he cries that he needs to know, he needs to know.  The Doctor just can’t do it, Clara then tells him to give her the sonic.  He refuses and she tells him to do as he’s told.  He looks pained as he glances about before he hands it over to Clara as she asked.  Danny remarks that he’s a typical officer, too good to dirty his hands.

As he hands it off to her, neither of them can look at her.  He can’t refuse Clara’s request. 

What is the worst about this, is that Danny insults the Doctor not realizing that the Doctor simply cannot do this.  The Doctor the walks away from Clara with his back to both of them unable to watch.  The Doctor’s hands are already far far dirtier than Danny can ever imagine.

When 12 and Clara ‘met’ as he has come into his own in the TARDIS (post-regeneration), with his new wardrobe and console room, he flat out tells her that he’s made a lot of mistakes and he is going to try to correct for them.

Therefore, with that mindset, this Doctor is going to be very adverse to being too heavy handed.  Also at this point, the Doctor thinks that Danny will kill Clara and he is letting her essentially create a love suicide.  The Doctor can’t do what Danny requests because he thinks Danny is asking him to kill his best friend.  He only does what the ‘boss’ says since she is his actual best friend.

Clara points the sonic at Danny as she tells him that she wasn’t very good at it, but she loved him.  Danny replies that he loved her too as she then tells him that she is never going to say that again.

Clara and Danny have a very emotional exchange as they get quite sappy (honestly this was too sappy for me).

She struggles as she feels like she’s killing him, he replies he’s already dead, she sniffles asking if he’s ready, she says good-bye, he says good-bye and he adds on that he’s glad she’s here this time and then she sonics him as he activates and she runs to hug him.  The Doctor after hearing the stop of the sonic and Clara’s sob, turns around to face her as he runs up to try to stop her from hugging him.

The Doctor then against all reason, grabs onto Clara as she cries onto Danny’s chest.  Again, this is a very firm connection between the Doctor and Clara. 

As the Doctor asks Danny for the plans he explains what will happen.  The Doctor figures it out as Missy comes down like Mary Poppins and explains she’s doing every thing for the Doctor.  She wants him to see what is the same and goes on a huge bad guy monologue.  The Doctor is confused as he struggles to really understand who he is.  Clara stole Missy’s handheld Gallifreyan tech and kept close to Danny as the Doctor tried to sort things out. 

Missy explains he needs an army since he is always right etc etc.  The Doctor then concludes he doesn’t need an army, he is neither a good man nor a bad man, adds in that no, he’s not an officer for good measure (since he’s still in a pissing contest with Danny) he’s just an idiot with a box and a screwdriver.

When the Doctor kisses Missy thank you, it is what you would expect from him at his best.  His kiss is the most chaste and awkward ever.  He forcefully, holds her face as his lips barely even touch hers and he looks like he needs to just do enough to meet Missy’s expectations.

As the Doctor has realized that Danny has not killed Clara despite being activated, he knows the Danny is still in control.  He points out that he doesn’t need an army since he has people like Clara and Danny and then he declares that;

Love is not an emotion, love is a promise.

Danny then hugs Clara as the Doctor states that he will never hurt her.  He calls him P.E. and tosses him the control bracelet that Missy gave him and Danny approaches her how he will burn the clouds.

The Doctor, Clara and Missy watch as Danny orders the rest of the Cybermen of their orders, and he tells Clara she will sleep safe tonight before they all launch into the sky and self destruct.

Clara is the first to speak as the cloud clear up and the Doctor comments it has all been burned away, burned to nothing, as he then pauses and looks at Clara sadly as he says sorry in regards to Danny.

Even with Danny’s death, neither the Doctor nor Danny could resolve their conflict.  Danny wanted to paint the Doctor as an elite too good to do the dirty work, while the Doctor argued back Danny never understood him.  To state that pain is important implies the Doctor knows this first hand and to fulfill his own love and therefore, promise to Clara the Doctor gave him the bracelet so he could come back to her.

Clara and the Doctor the have their most calm yet heated argument.  Clara is about to kill Missy and the Doctor tries to stop her.  She states if he lets her live, everything that happened she will hold on him.  He can’t let her kill her but he’s not letting her live.  The Doctor realizes if he can only stop Clara by killing Missy himself, he will. He is so upset this entire time.  He looks broken and sad as his eyes have to plead with Clara’s, she even turns away from him as she hands him the device before turning back to him.  The Doctor is more than willing to dirty his hands to protect Clara.  It is his love for her that causes him to act this way.

Missy chuckles he’s doing it to save Clara’s soul, but who will save his?  He isn’t even able to respond he just looks beaten here.

When he can finally speak he asks why?  Missy tells him to say something nice and he holding back tears and blinking simply replies that she wins and she knows.  His face shifts from grief and pain to one of steeled anger as he prepares to shoot her before the Cyberman does instead.

They find Kate, saved by her dad a former commander from UNIT and the Doctor salutes him.  Keep in mind the Doctor did not salute Danny.  Clara then two weeks later gets the boy that Danny killed sent back to her with Missy’s bracelet and Danny stays behind as he apologizes to Clara.

Clara and the Doctor then meet up for coffee or something as he shows up 2 weeks late.  The Doctor states he’s improving and she gives him that.

And then Clara and the Doctor are both in so much pain that they have the worst conversation to each other about what has happened.  The Doctor assumes Danny figured out how to come home and he is back upon seeing the bracelet on Clara’s wrist.

Doctor: Good old P.E. he’ll make a maths teacher yet.

Clara: Listen, Doctor. There’s something I have to tell you. And erm, it’s not good news, so just. . . so just listen, okay?

Doctor: I know, I know exactly what you are going to tell me?

Clara: You do?

Doctor: You and Danny are together now. That’s great, that’s how it should be. But the old man and the blue box, that’s never gonna fit in.

So no more flying around, no more lying.

Clara: Okay, no. That’s not exactly . . .

Doctor: It’s fine.

Clara: No, it’s not fine. It really isn’t. . . fine.

At this point, the Doctor is trying to take the “high road” and respect Clara and Danny’s relationship.  He knows that his relationship with her caused her to lie to Danny and hurt him so much that he needs an excuse to move on.  Giving Danny the bracelet was one way to make sure Danny came back as he promised in the beginning.  And so, the Doctor reveals that his true intention was to bring Danny back for Clara and this was likely driven by how much he loves her, even if it hurts him.

To do this he has to lie to her - a huge lie.  He tells Clara that he found Gallifrey and for once the Master/Missy didn’t lie to him.  This lie works because Clara knows how much this means to him.  That’s why he stops her from saying more as she’s shocked and happy and relieved for him. 

What actually happens is that she was lying, the Doctor went there, saw that Gallifrey wasn’t in that location, he tries to hold it in and angrily beats the console (poor TARDIS!) before he collapses weeping.  He wanted the Master/Missy to have been right once in all of the madness, but that is not the case.

Clara happily asks him what he’s going to do as he replies he’s going go home and help it out.

Clara: So you aren’t just going to steal a TARDIS and run away.

Doctor: No, not this time. Never again.

Clara: Never again.

Doctor: It is a long commute, so I thought with you and Danny.

Clara: Yeah, me and Danny.  Me and Danny are going to be fine, don’t you worry.

Let’s pause for a minute here, time for another sarcastic summary of these actual events.  Again, this is my own interpretation with additional dark humor.

Clara - I don’t think you will be able to sit still if you go home. You will steal another TARDIS.  Haha!  I know you Doctor - I know you inside and out.

Doctor - Of course!  That is exactly what I’m doing.  I’m running away from you, the only person I love because it hurts so much, I don’t even know what to do.  This version of myself is truly bad with emotions! Long commute, what the fuck am I even saying? The TARDIS can go anywhere in an instant.

Clara - I’m right there with you.  I am pushing you away, you are the only person that I love and I hurt so much that I also don’t know what to do.  And since you suck at being sympathetic, I can’t keep you around.

They small talk a bit more before Clara suggests breaking habit and requests a hug, and the Doctor is willing to do so within reason.  The Doctor as expected stands up ready for the hug.  Clara then looks up at him.  This facial expression doesn’t seem like a normal hug expression.  This is a much more nuanced expression as she looks at him, looks away before looking back at him.  I’d argue this is a bit of a flirty expression from her, but she sees this as their final good-bye.

As he goads her that she’s on the clock she stands up to start their odd hug.

She hugs his neck as he slowly so, slowly wraps his hands around her.  She begins to hold back tears as she’s hugging him asks why he doesn’t like hugging.  He replies you never trust a hug.  It is just a way to hide your face.  She agrees with him with a quivering mouth and tears in her eyes.  The Doctor is also on the verge of tears his mouth also quivering.

So these two idiots are hugging to hide the fact that they are completely in pain and crying - as they don’t want to upset the other one.  The Doctor thinks Danny is alive so he must break off his relationship with Clara. She knows that finding Gallifrey is so important to him that she can’t stop him from going home!

They are both so afraid to hurt the others happiness that they make themselves miserable.

There is a cut scene to the Doctor entering the TARDIS as she thanks him for everything and how traveling with him made her feel very special.  He looks around as he figures out what to say back.  He finally is able to reply “Thank you for exactly the same [things]”.  The Doctor knows that Clara made him feel special as well and he finally relaxes and smiles as we get another one of his sad smiles.  Clara is sad smiling back at him.

Both of them are soooooooo sad here and feel like they need to break themselves apart to move on.  They do not have room in their lives for each other any more; or at least this is what they think. 

The episode ends with the Doctor looking sad and contemplative in the TARDIS as someone begins to knock on the door. The man tells him that things can’t end like that.  She’s not alright and neither is he and the man opens the TARDIS door revealing he is Santa and he wants to know what the Doctor wants for Christmas as he stares back in shock.

To really get at how their relationship wraps up at the end of season 8, we need to then continue onto that year’s Christmas special as it resolves their issues in relation to Danny’s death.

Clara wakes up on Christmas Eve, in a flat that is clearly not hers as she finds Santa and two elves on the roof.  Santa inquires as to why she stopped believing in him and she states that he is a Fairy Tale (back to that ongoing theme of a Fairy Tale) as the Doctor then lands the TARDIS on the roof interrupting them as he tells her that she’s back and she reaches out to him in shock.

He keeps telling her that he’s back and she replies that she thought he was gone for good.  I don’t know the exact time since their good-bye hug but it was at most recent early fall, but likelier even longer.  Clara in her robe and pjs then realizes how much she missed the sound of the TARDIS as the Doctor asks her if Santa is actually real.

But seeing that Santa brought the Doctor back to her, it is safe to say that she believes in him at that moment.

Clara and the Doctor then land in the arctic at a science base as they interrupt Shouna on her mission to dance by the sleepers in the infirmary.

The Doctor and Clara then attract them due to thinking about them as he tries to get them to not think about them.  Having Clara do math problems isn’t enough so he asks her about Danny. 

He asks her to think what Danny is doing right now.

Doctor: He’s probably flirting with your neighbor, or texting women of low moral character . . .

Clara then slaps him as he looks back at her in complete shock.

Clara: Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare say that.

Doctor: I was only. . .

Clara: Danny Pink is dead.

The Doctor is in complete shock.  He doesn’t know what to say and calmly replies that Danny is still alive and Clara quickly replies that he is dead.  The Doctor is still shocked and confused as the sleepers have stopped moving around them and their conversation is interrupted as the others rush into the room.  The try to help them to escape but the creatures clearly take hold of them.  

The scene then cuts to an explosion as Santa comes to their rescue.

Everyone tries to figure out what is happening and Santa gives a gift of a sample of a Dream Crab in a giant container.  The Doctor is apparently familiar with them but never encountered them yet.

The whole bits with the Dream Crabs and action I’ll be skipping for the most part.  What I will stick to are all of the conversations between the Doctor and Clara.

Clara tells the Doctor that what she said about Danny was unacceptable as she is pissed off in the corner of the lab.

He quickly approaches her as he agrees that she is right but he needed to flood her with random emotions. She’s upset at his concept of random, but he’s even more upset as he looks at her hurt as he states she never told him what happened.

The lighting here is excellent, his face is half illuminated half shaded as he is so hurt that she wasn’t honest with him.  Back when she told Danny she’d never lie to the Doctor and yet she did.

He’s upset and sad she never told him the truth.  She replies she lied so he’d go back to Gallifrey. 

Of course he then replies, that he lied so she’d move on with her life with Danny.

Now both of them are confused.  Clara turns and walks away from the Doctor who then turns to face her back.

They both end up across each from each other on either side of the table as she asks him what to do since they are dying.  He tells her to trust nothing, question everything.  She summarizes that this is required, “in case it’s a lie.” and he repeats her.  So their lies have caught up with each them and now they need to face these weird Dream Crabs when they came clean about their own lies.

The Doctor asks Clara to get the sample Dream Crab, and she asks him if he’d like a cup tea to as he concludes if he asked for that, he’d get a punch in the face.  So they are back to some bickering.

Clara gets attacked by the Dream Crab and starts to dream her perfect Christmas with Danny, but the Doctor’s chalkboards appear as he tries to write notes to warn her to wake up.  She begins to freak out and only is able to expel the boards after she takes a deep breath and clears her mind as she follows dream Danny downstairs.

The Doctor is then shown next to her calling her name as he holds onto her hand tightly, kneeling down next to her.

He chats with the others as he asks Santa to go back to the infirmary.  He then goes back to kneeling and holding Clara’s hands as he requests that Santa help him.

The Doctor then has Santa get him a Dream Crab so, he can enter Clara’s dream to tell her that it is a dream.  He keeps telling her that she is dying and that she needs to realize that this is just a dream.  The Doctor now is laying down next to her with a Dream Crab as he’s holding her hand on the floor.

As the Doctor continues to talk to Clara in the dream, he reminders her that Danny is dead. 

He then is very honest, he says he’s sorry.  He thought there was a way back for Danny but he was wrong.  He can’t change that and Danny is still dead. Clara begins to pick up on things as Danny sides with the Doctor and tells her to let go and move on.  It makes sense that the only way she can accept his loss is for the Doctor to affirm her feelings towards Danny.  This would not have happened if they didn’t lie to each other in the first place.

Thankfully, as she goes in for a last kiss with Danny they wake up and the Doctor helps Clara focus as they destroy the Dream Crabs.  Despite waking up Clara immediately is concerned that there is no wound and the pain is still there. As everyone discusses this Clara asks why do they all still have the same pain.  The Doctor tells them to theorize as Clara retorts in the background to not treat her like a beginner.  She’s clearly in a foul mood towards the Doctor still.  They can’t quite figure out where they stand at the moment.

Of course the Doctor gets in an argument with dream Santa as he calls him a scientist dressed as a time traveling magician and travels in a phone box.  Santa tries to get them to join hands and the Doctor is obviously opposed to the touchy-feely stuff.  Santa then tries a scientific explanation which the Doctor cuts him off as that is the line in the sand as he mocks him by calling it a bit “dreamy-weamy” in reference to the 10th Doctor’s “timey-wimey” line from “Blink”.  He tells him to make up a naughty list to which Santa refers to him already being on the list as they continue to argue Clara finally gets him to shut up. 

I do love the Doctor’s hand motion as he calls Santa hostile though.

As they agree to hold hands and not die on Christmas, the Doctor declares he’s not good with the hand holding thing.  Clara is already grabbing his left hand as she tells him tough.  I love how his response is that he will hold Clara’s hand.

He then tries to refuse to hold anyone else’s hand but Clara tells Shona to hold it and he looks very uncomfortable as she does.  Therefore, he can only state that this is all very Christmasy to avoid the further awkward.  Gotta fill that emotion with words as the 12th Doctor.

They then wake up from the attack as the Doctor then quickly goes back to the TARDIS and leave with Clara.  She’s upset he doesn’t want to help them but he’s ready to go.  Until she asks him if Santa was gone from the dream, why did they meet him on her roof as the Doctor the rushes back into the base.

When they run back to help the base crew, the Doctor makes them check the manuals again.  He tells her to pick a number and to make it a good one.

She looks clever as she says twelve, she’s regained her faith in the Doctor with that number.  Oh look how cute she is, she’s grinning with warmth as she knows the Doctor is right about something. 

Not sure he notices though.

Once they escape the base with Santa, the Doctor tells her to believe in Santa as she confirms she always has but he looks a little different.  This is her telling the Doctor that she believes in him.

He’s a bit confused by her statement at first.  To make her point she then leaps up and hugs him.  He’s definitely caught off guard and not sure what to do.  Look at that awesome 12th Doctor’s expression of “oh my god! I’ve been attacked!”

However, he quickly relaxes and realizes he’s okay with this as long as no one else sees it.  With everyone else looking off the sleigh and Santa driving it the two of them aren’t noticed by anyone else.  And he’s happy as he’s enjoying being hugged by Clara as both of them smile.  Oh yes, you show your true colors here Doctor - you like this.

He then takes the opportunity to steer the sleigh and reluctant at first agrees to do it with excitement.  Several times he keeps looking back at Clara grinning telling her to look at him as he drives the sleigh. 

Right now, the only person the Doctor cares about and needs validation from is Clara.  Nothing else matters.  The Doctor is just like Clara in “Flatline”, she wanted nothing more than his validation as a good “doctor”.

Of course, as the Doctor wakes up he rushes to Clara to find her 62 years later.  This of course, is his own joint nightmare with Clara.  He is filled with regret as he left her for too long and he missed out on spending time with her.  As this is a joint dream with the two of them, he asks if there was anyone else besides Danny.  She responds that there was one other and he was impossible.  By this point, all of their cards are finally on the table, she loves him and his pain in his voice shows that he missed her.  The Doctor has a lot of interesting facial expressions as he comes to terms with staying away from Clara for too long.  There is the very touching scene with the Christmas cracker how Clara came to Trenzalore to help the dying 11th Doctor open one and how it is reversed.  This makes sense since this is a shared memory between the two of them and great dream fodder.

Thankfully, Santa shows up indicating that they are still dreaming and he wakes up and rushes to present day Clara.  This is where the joint dream is confirmed as she asks for a mirror to check if she is old or not which he rushes to get to her.  Then he informs her that the TARDIS is outside and all of time and space is before them. 

These events really and finally allowed the Doctor and Clara to talk about what happened between them and to realize they needed their friendship and their worst fear was to lose each other.  They pushed each other way to protect each other but hurt each other instead.

Doctor: Please, [long pause] don’t even argue.

Clara: [laughs]

The Doctor then offers his hand to her that she accepts while she is beaming.  She then quickly goes it to kiss him on the cheek.  The framing of this shot is interesting.  We know an instant later she only kissed him on the cheek as she pulls back wit the side angle shot.  In this shot though the shadows make it much more obscured.  If you were to go by the silhouette of their heads it looks like it can be a more intense and intimate kiss.  It also makes me think of one of those classic style romantic movie first kisses. . . . as this is their first kiss and Clara feels that she can and should do this.  I think this framing of the shot is deliberate, and shows the power of their kiss.

If this weren’t important, we would have seen the kiss from the side the entire time, clearly showing that she went for quick peck on the cheek.

She pulls back from him in shock with a huge grin on her face as she is glowing in happiness.  She tells him Merry Christmas.

He pauses a moment before as you see a sparkle in his eyes as he replies to say Merry Christmas Clara Oswald.  Look at that facial expression from the Doctor, he’s happy and he looks so playful!

Note that his “recovery” from her kiss was pretty fast all things considered.  He’s not in shock, he appreciated it.  He’s just too dense to have seen it coming and she knew it so she could kiss him without resistance.

He only glances at her bedroom door as they both giggle as they head out the door to the TARDIS.  He holds onto her hand until she has to go out the door.

Clara remarks that it is rare to see him happy as they run up to the TARDIS.  As she laughs he states second chances are even rarer and he never gets a second chance so he doesn’t even know who to thank.  He looks around briefly before hopping into the TARDIS with a flourish.  That flourish is how excited he is to be back with Clara.

They then head off on more adventures. The Doctor is getting better dealing with Clara and physical intimacy.  The two of them have gotten a second chance and it wasn’t arranged by the Master or anything else.  If we take the ending of the episode it was arranged by Santa Claus, but really . . .  These two are now so in love with each other that they can’t not be together in the future.

And yes, that ends my read of the Doctor and Clara’s relationship in - season 8. 

When it is all said and done, they started out with a reluctant relationship.  It then grows and evolves at a different pace for the two of them since Clara restarts it with 12 from 11 and starts looking for a real relationship.  12 clearly said she isn’t her boyfriend.  12 meanwhile, relying on the continuity of Clara’s presence then defines the relationship further to one which is less based on the physical but more on the emotional connection he has with her.  As he becomes aware of Danny, he more aggressively fights for her attention and is torn how to treat a boyfriend.  He sees that his relationship with Clara is deeper and more important since he will have known her longer than any guy she’d date - just based on math alone.  As Clara’s relationship with Danny forces her to make a choice, she first breaks up with the Doctor only to realize she can’t do that.  When she makes up with him the Doctor is elated as he just wants Clara to keep coming back to him.

Season 8 kept teasing us with this returning theme of a Fairy Tale.  The quick read of this concept is that Clara’s relationship with the Doctor is a Fairy Tale.  He’s the magician with the box showing her wonders.  Maisie alludes to her complicated relationship with him to be the Fairy Tale.

I wonder if this is a red herring instead.  I think the Fairy Tale relationship is the one with Danny.  He’s the perfect boyfriend archetype - nice guy, positive, went through hell as a soldier, works hard, wants to be supportive of Clara and be open and honest with her.  He is gentle, athletic, calm and physically intimate with Clara.  Danny wants nothing more than for Clara to see him as the man in her life and he will do whatever it takes to please her.  This is reflected in Danny in her Christmas dream - he’s too perfect and she almost gets swept away by it until the Doctor knocks at her door.

Danny’s character was written to be a complete foil of the Doctor and their conflict is supported by this completely.  I’m not saying that Danny is perfect, but dating Danny versus dating the 12th Doctor implies the Doctor would be a harder person to date by - a landslide.  The easier one to date would be Danny but he’s safe, secure and super boring.  I think Clara’s Fairy Tale is a life that is safe, secure and boring - she doesn’t want this, therefore, she has given up on the Fairy Tale and instead accepts reality which is her relationship with the Doctor.

This is going to end up being longer than I expected - I’ll see how many parts it actually comes out to.  Whoops. 

[aenslem]

Doctor Who Tag Game

Tagged by: @thirteenstardisfam thank youu and i am so sorry it is so super long lmao i did not mean too, but somehow ended up with it, and also i think i will make fandom hate me for some stuff about 11, but i love him! don’t you dare to think otherwise :’D

im tagging: @tennant @luke-skywalker @panlyra @stupidape @buffyrosenbergs @expelliarmus idk who of you whovians wanna do it out there feel free to say i tagged you and go on ;)

Favourite Doctor:  still Ten, i love 12 and 13 almost as much, even if not harder atm, but if it comes to choosing 1 fav doctor then it’s always Ten, so far no one stepped higher for me :’D I loved his era, i loved so many episodes with him, his season arcs, his companions, his relationships with everyone, and this is the only Doctor whose regeneration was smooth for me, he was continuation of Ninth Doctor and it felt like that. I was not like ‘but he is so different in so many ways’ nope, never. Maybe it’s because companions were the same, everyone was still around which was great btw, and I fell in love with the show with Tenth Doctor, dare I say that I stopped watching back then when Matt Smitt became doctor? lmao, must be shock for some but yes, I dropped this show because of THAT lmao??now i laugh at my own self but yeah, i did. where’s everyone, why it feels so different? that was huge nope. Only years later I got back into it, thanks to amazing Michelle Gomez. Actually I was not even going to watch other doctors at that moment, but I watched episodes only with Missy, then i said well it’s not bad I like it and Missy and Twelve were?? OOOF LOVES OF MY LIFE FOR SURE because their relationship were so cool and of course i loved it, so i started a huge rewatch, the first since i dropped the show. Fell in love with Doctor/Master all over again, Ten was as amazing as I remembered, Nine was perfect and I love him too!!! and then... i got to s5... oh god, i was like, let’s give him a chance, what do i lose? but it still felt so weird, and the show was so different, and suddenly everyone else is so important but where are old characters? but i got into it because i have already seen some of 12′s episodes and i got used to the style?? i guess. and then River appeared, not because of her but around episode 5 or 6 i was into it already, not as much as i was before but anyway, maybe weeping angels helped because i loved them and it reminded me of Ten, i felt some kind of a connection to old doctor. I liked River with 10, i thought i will like her with 11 too... but alas, still felt like you know those boys who have never had sex but try to act like they know everything about it and hit on every moving thing and think they do it cool? :D i am sorry if i hurt someone’s feelings with it, but that’s how 11 was for me back then, and while I do understand river/11 it’s the least of all river ships for me, 11 is still the least fav doctor because of those feelings i had back then when i stopped watching, they are not rational i know that now but still feel them, but i love him now, and will protect that kid at all costs! i love ponds, i will kill if anyone says anything bad about Rory Williams! and Amy and Rory? quoting my favorite star trek couple? DUDE WE GO TOGETHER OR NOT AT ALL!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! and even if i was not into all river/11 relationship i loved the story, and of course i liked 12, but s8 still feels like what the hell for me, not because of the doctor but because they tried so hard to show clara as bossy, i mean, i liked her with 11 and then suddenly they turn her into some control freak, it was not so MUCH with 11... but i know now why they did it, so Missy’s words have an effect and all. but still, i love clara before and after s8 :’D s9 clara? i will kill for her too. it’s too long but idk  :’D and actually, this shows that if you give it a chance even if you don’t like actor/actress at first - you might love the show ;) so stop acting like jodie is miscast honestly, i am ready to fight anyone for saying that :D say whatever you want about plot choices, but do not fucking act like it’s Jodie’s fault! actors are not responsible for show runner choices. She acts amazing with the material she has. anyway, 10 is my fav idiot!

Favourite Master: Missy, always was and always shall be. My favorite character in general in the show, no one tops my girl!

Favourite Sonic: honestly? i don’t really remember any sonic but 12′s glasses :D so... glasses. I mean, i don’t really care how it looks like, it does its job... most of the time lmao, but i liked those glasses and the thing with browser history was my fav :D

Favourite Companion: oh it’s soooo hard!!! either Donna or Bill. I can’t choose. but yeah, those are both with whom there were no ‘romantic’ relationship implied, i love friends more than couples. and I just loved 10 and Donna as a team and Bill and 12, i still wish they had more time. also Martha, the smartest companion lol she was amazing.

Favourite Story: anything involving The Master :D all episodes with them are my favs, but i can’t just pick one story, i still remember the first episode i watched back when it was airing and are you my mummy stuck in my head for the rest of my life giving me brrrr feeling, like it was not scary but somehow made me super uncomfortable? also vashta nerada?? duuuuude, you can’t just look at the shadow the same way. and ten/river together were really great, i mean, he did not know who is she, the mystery, i love shit like that?? yeesss!!!!! there are so many great ones. I don’t want to choose.

Favourite Soundtrack: that unreleased tiny melody when the master dies in the last of the time lords T--T and this is gallifrey and clara’s theme! those are my favs. and I also really like 11′s theme, kinda ready for adventures and doing some weird but funny shit :D

Dream Actor for next Doctor: ooooof OOOOF dude! you know what, usually it is one actor for 3 seasons, that’s how it was for the last 3 doctors, i want Jodie to break that rule and stay with us for 4th season as well, i just want to see how pissed off those haters will be lmao i really really think the entire timeless child thing will not feel the same with someone else yet, and i don’t think they will reveal much in 13th season, that’s HUGE thing, or they should make it so good and the next doctor... aaah i don’t want to feel that change again, like i did with 10 to 11, and felt with the every next doctor, but i overcome that shit and just give them a chance, it’s the doctor after all and im sure loving all of them now. not sure it can disappoint me even if most of plot choices in the season are ... weak. idk who, there are so many great actors but whoever i choose will not be as great as someone they choose, because they always somehow cast amazing people, but i agree with emily it’s time for a doctor of color! tho, they can’t go back to white male actor right now, i just can imagine how it will look like, with all the hate Jodie received and how people still whine about female doctor, it will look like they tried and decided to go back to white male doctors, one half will be happy but the other one will eat them alive! so yeah, i am pretty sure it’s not gonna be white man again yet lol

Dream Composer: idk

Dream Story: well, considering 13 is in jail now, i would love to see someone “we know” rescuing her, because honestly if they just showed me jack and left it like that, i will not accept it!!! but also since yaz will be the only one left with the doctor, since bradley and tosin leave the show, i hope we will have some yaz and doctor relationship development without anyone else, maybe jack could stay because i love him, but jack’s presence did not hurt doctor and rose relationship development back then, so it should not hurt now also. but if they bring someone new, at least don’t make it right away, let yaz and 13 have an adventure at least 1 episode, some talk and stuff. so when yaz leaves also... (and i kind of had that stupid feeling that yaz will die in the end, because somehow everything hints on that for me? idk maybe it’s because i rewatched and giffed orphan 55 today and vilma (?) telling yaz to run and stay alive kinda felt like something that hints on yaz’s future... and yaz is always going somewhere without thinking, to random alien ship, to save the doctor, she steps into trouble like a doctor hoping everything will somehow be ok, but im not even sure she hopes, it’s more like i am as good as her so i can do it, not in clara’s way when everything hinted she is like the doctor, because let’s be honest she was and even got her own tardis, but she thinks she is, but she is not, i think some day that might end bad for her... so when she also leaves i don’t want it be like well yeah, what’s next? i mean, i still miss Bill, that was like NOOOOOO with tears and screams for me, i loved Bill! and we had 2 seasons with yaz and i still don’t feel the same connection to any of the current companions atm, so i would like the show to make me love them more, i do love them, just not as much as those i still miss, but im sure defending any of them lmao i love them anyway. you know what i mean...

A Companion You’d like to see back: oh OH. we cant bring them back for entire season right? but doctor can meet Donna at some point, which will have no point lmao cos she doesn’t remember and it will only hurt doctor and i don’t see how her appearance will help any plot, it will be just fanservice cameo. But Bill is out there with Heather, they are powerful creatures now, i think it could somehow fit into the story, I want Bill back. But also, Clara is still one heartbeat away from death, she can be out there, and she has tardis. tiny cameos will be fine for me :D and Martha, but also Madam Vastra and Jenny, Kate and Osgood, where they are??? bring them back and it can make sense, their appearances. I mean, imagine someone from UNIT in s11, not unit itself but osgood??? it would feel so much different. 

An Enemy/Alien/Creature you’d like to see again: weeping angels!!!! OOOF they were creepy, and i love them, like, DON’T BLINK!!! how can you not blink for so long? that is cool, i want them back. and also the most beautiful shots are always with angels so... :’D

If you could travel with one of the Doctors, which Doctor and why?: oooh, while 10 is my fav, and I totally would hit on 13 :D i will choose 12, 12 from season 10, because he was such a grandpa, no lovey dovey stuff, he would lecture me on thing i do, give me new info about something, we would explore shit together and he would be like a grandpa i never had. We would definitely have long discussions about stuff and have good laugh together and i would make references to movies and then we would watch those movies :D i would act like Bill lmao yess i want to travel with 12!!!

[tenroseforeverandever]

The Perfect Blend Chapter 3

Characters: Tenth Doctor (aka James Noble); Rose Tyler; Clara Oswald; Amy Pond; Jeanne Poisson; Donna Noble; Sylvia Noble; Wilfred Mott; Mickey Smith; Martha Jones; Clyde Langer

Tags: Human AU; fake relationship AU; coffee shop AU; stalkerish!Reinette; hurt/comfort; angst; romance; fluff; Christmas; New Year; New Year’s kiss

Story Summary:

Trying to escape from an predatory ex-girlfriend who will not accept their break-up, James Noble (aka The Doctor) finds himself in a coffee shop where he meets a barista (aka Rose Tyler) who makes him the perfect cup of tea and lends a sympathetic ear to his tale of woe.

Chapter Summary: James and Gramps discuss James’ Christmas announcement; and on New Year’s Eve, Clara and Mickey are concerned that Rose is mooning. 

Chapter Notes: Sorry for the wait. Real life is messing with me, right now. I hope the next chapter won’t take quite as long.

As always, a big hug of thanks to @rose--nebula and mrsbertucci, for taking precious time out of their lives to beta my work. As always, all mistakes are mine.

Read also at: AO3; Tsp; FF

THE PERFECT BLEND - CHAPTER 3

CHRISTMAS DAY

James trudged up the darkened hillside at the back of the house, carrying a large flask full of tea in one hand and an old car blanket under the opposite arm. He took a long, clean breath of fresh air, relieved to have been able to slip away and leave the hubbub and bickering behind him. Despite the (rather deceptive, he thought) sense of freedom, he was feeling self-conscious, and he hesitated as he approached the old lean-to at the top of the hill.

“You don’t really have a date for the gala, do you son?” Gramps’ voice emanated from the rickety little shelter. “C’mon out from behind there, James. I know it’s you. I’d know those footsteps anywhere. Yours and Donna’s both.”

James couldn’t help the fond smile that crossed his face. “I brought some hot tea,” he came around the corner of the lean-to to the familiar sight of Gramps sitting on his tattered, old lawn chair, the box for the new telescope opened before him, “and I thought you might like some help putting your new toy together."

“Well, yes, as a matter of fact both would be very much appreciated.”

James spread the blanket on the ground and knelt on it. He handed the flask to Gramps, pulled the telescope box toward him, and unpacked all the bits in front of him, organizing them and piecing them together.

“I don’t think I’d get through that lot without your help. Thank-you, son.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble. You know how I love tinkering with things. And it’s a brilliant evening for stargazing, even if it’s a bit cold. I should have this in working order in no time.” James turned his eyes to the stars and sighed. “It’s always so peaceful up here.”

“Tonight, especially so, I’ll wager.” Gramps took a long sip of tea. “After that bombshell you dropped on that lot.”

James snorted. “Dropped it on myself, if I’m being honest. You were right, I don’t really have a date for the gala. I never planned on taking a date at all. I was just looking forward to meeting with some of my colleagues out of the office and… they’ve asked me to put together a little firework display to bring in the New Year, so I can’t just back out. The Uni wants something spectacular, something special this year. This gala is all about fundraising for the new Medical Sciences wing, after all.”

“Blimey! Pyrotechnics?” Gramps gawped at him. “You’re not creating that yourself, are you? Surely there are all sorts of regulations about that sort of thing.”

“Weeell…” James ran a hand through his hair, “actually, its digital pyrotechnics. I’ve developed a holographic interface to create some 3D fireworks indoors.”  

“I have to admit, I’m a bit relieved to hear that.”

“Oh, there are still plenty of ways for it to go wrong, and if I have to spend the evening fending off her… But don’t worry, it won’t be like the blender… I swear,” he added at the sight of his grandad’s dubious expression. “Besides, I’m collaborating with a bunch of people from Computer Sciences and we’ve already had a few test runs, but I’d like to give it a bit more pizazz. A few tweaks to make it ultra-realistic.

Gramps sighed. “You know the old saying? If it ain’t broke...”

“Oh, ye of little faith.”

“Well, I would never have guessed you knew much about that sort of thing. You’ve never actually studied computer graphics, have you? Never mind something so grand as all that holographic stuff.”

“Nah,” he sniffed a bit boastfully, “but it isn’t really a big leap from the programming I’m doing for my bionics research… Weeell, not that big. Weeell… I’m a quick study.”

“My clever boy! But the question is, if you can’t back out of the gala altogether, what are you going to do about the fireworks currently going off back down there?” He waved an arm in the direction of the house.

James groaned in response. “All the studying in the world won’t help me with that... Oh, here, Gramps, have a look! Your telescope’s ready to go.”

“Oh, blimey, will you take a look at that beauty.” Gramps marvelled at the telescope, rubbing his hands together. “You shouldn’t have spent all that money, though…”

“C’mon… have a look.  There’s Saturn.” James pointed to the sky. “Something easy, first, to get the hang of it. Then the universe is yours to explore.”

They took turns, well into the night, peering through the telescope, sipping hot tea and discussing possible solutions for James’ “French dilemma”, as they’d come to refer to Jeanne.

James reminded himself he had nearly a week before the gala. He was clever and not too bad looking, if he did say so himself, even if he was a “skinny beanpole” by Donna’s assertions. Surely, he wouldn’t have any problem finding a suitable date by New Year’s Eve, someone who would convince Jeanne, once and for all, that he had moved on.

 NEW YEAR’S EVE

The bell jingled above the door, and Rose looked up from where she was clearing a table to greet the latest customer. It was New Year’s Eve and the shop had been busy over the lunch hour as people dropped in to grab a coffee and a bite to eat before heading home to prepare for the evening’s festivities. No matter how busy, she always made a point of trying to welcome everyone with a bright smile whenever she could. It was just good customer service, building loyalty, welcoming her guests. Goodness knew her little shop needed all the help it could get to stave off the competition of the big chain coffeehouses.

But perhaps she’d been trying a little harder than usual over the last week or so, her chest filling with a faint, fluttering hope that, when she looked up at the sound of the bell, it would be to the sight of tousled brown hair and sad, earnest eyes and a request for the best cuppa in London.

But it never was.

And that wisp of hope would fade, drifting away on Rose’s soft sigh, her heart emptying a little more every time.

A wistful smile playing over her lips, she brought the used dishes to the counter. As she passed Clara, who was serving the latest customer, her friend arched her brow at her. Rose ignored the shrewd look and handed the dishes through the passthrough to the young dishwasher who took them from her with an overblown sigh.

“You can go home soon, Clyde. Just do this last load for me, yeah? Then a quick mop of the floor and wipe down those counters, and it’ll be all spic and span, ready for the New Year.”

“You sure, Miss Tyler?”

“Yeah, course. The lunch rush is over. Everyone’s heading home now. I can take care of anything else that comes up.”

“Thanks, Miss Tyler!”

Rose turned back to the service counter where Clara was completing an order of a Peppermint Hot Chocolate with a flourish of whipped cream and candy cane crumbs. She called out the customer’s name, handed them their chocolate, then spun to face Rose. “You’re mooning.”

Rose fixed her with narrowed eyes, shaking her head in a teasing warning. “I am not!” Then, latching on to a perfect way to change the subject, her eyes shot to the clock. “Hey, shouldn’t you be heading out by now?”

“Don’t worry. I’m just about to go. The baking’s all set to go for tomorrow.” She grinned. “Besides, I’m not meeting Jenny at the salon for another hour. We’re both going to get our hair and nails done, then we’re going out to bring in the New Year in style.” She winked at Rose.

Rose couldn’t help but feel a bit melancholy. As much as she loved her shop, she sometimes wished she was going out to celebrate, too. But she tried to sound upbeat, for Clara’s sake. “Ooooh, sounds like fun!”

“See, Rose,” Clara offered her perkiest know-it-all smile, “this is one advantage of same-sex relationships. There’s so much extra stuff you can do together. You should seriously consider it. You’re a catch! Better that than mooning after boys.”

(So much for the change of subject…)

“I am not mooning! It’s just a quiet afternoon, yeah. It’s just the letdown after the lunch rush. And, though I know we’ve had this discussion before, I’ll remind you again: I’m not like you. My options remain limited to…” she blew her breath past her lips, and rolled her eyes, “…boys. Such as they are.”

“I suppose… but you have been mooning… for nearly two bloody weeks, ever since that Doctor bloke dropped in.” She waggled her eyebrows.

“Shut up!” Rose’s cheeks burned and she forced herself to maintain eye contact with Clara. “I have not.”

“Pu-lease!” Clara chirped over her shoulder as she disappeared into the little staff room. She reappeared a few minutes later, tying the belt of her coat around her waist.

“I’m not mooning,” Rose insisted, failing to hide the slightly petulant tone from her voice.

“Oh, relax,” Clara scoffed gently, as the bell above the door rang again, “I’m just taking the mick.”

“Hey, did someone mention my name?” the familiar voice sounded from the doorway and both girls turned to greet Mickey Smith with wide smiles.

“Only in jest,” Clara quipped.

Mickey stuck out his tongue at her. “See if I ever cover a shift for you again!”

Everyone laughed and Rose piped up, “Oh, you can’t stay away. Not when you get to spend New Year’s Eve with me.”

“You’re right, there, babe.” Mickey gave Rose a soft, friendly peck on the cheek as he walked past her to the staff room. “Although,” he called out through the door, “Martha might have something to say about that.”

Mickey was Rose’s oldest and closest friend. She had known him literally all her life. He was a few years older than her, and they had grown up on Powell Estate together. They’d even dated a few years back but had quickly realized they were destined only to be the best of friends. Being lovers hadn’t worked for them, much to Rose’s mum’s chagrin. Jackie Tyler had chided Rose about getting airs and graces, thinking herself above dating a mechanic. It had taken a firm word from Mickey to get her to listen to reason, although she still lamented from time to time that Rose would end up an old maid.

That had been years ago, and now Mickey was dating a young surgeon, Martha Jones, who worked at the local hospital. They had met when she had brought her car to him to be repaired and had hit it off right away. A year later, he’d asked her to marry him. Rose, who had rapidly befriended Martha, was thrilled for them both.

Mickey often came to Pete’s Coffee Dimension, after work at the garage, to help out and to make sure Rose, Clara, and the other employees had time for a dinner break. He often stayed the evening, chatting, when Martha was working a night shift. Tonight, he was covering Clara’s shift, so she could have the evening off with Jenny. Martha was on call at the hospital and would be dropping by later, if she was free, to ring in the New Year with her fiancé and Rose.

“Right then, I’m off,” Clara announced, “now that you’re here to help hold down the fort, Micks. But I should warn you,” she grinned, gesturing toward Rose with a jab of her thumb, “this one is mooning…”

“Oh, what’s this then? Mooning? You’re going to be a right misery all night, ain’t ya?”

Rose snapped her arms over her chest. “You,” she fixed Clara with a fierce glare, “are going to be late. And for the record,” she turned her glare on Mickey, “I am not mooning! End of story.”

“All right, all right!” he held his hands up defensively. “You’re not mooning. Blimey! Don’t kill me. Not a great way to start the New Year, yeah?”

“’M not gonna kill ya.” Rose drew Mickey in for a hug, then turned to Clara, pulling her in for a hug too. “Happy New Year, you. Thanks for looking out for me, both of you. Now off you go, Clara. Wish Jenny a happy New Year for us, yeah?”

“Definitely! Happy New Year!” Clara cheered, giving Rose and Mickey a last big squeeze and calling through the passthrough to Clyde before heading toward the door. “Give my love to Martha.” She gave a parting wave and backed out onto the street, the bell tinkling behind her.

 The shop remained quiet, a few customers straggling in through the afternoon. Clyde had long since left and Martha had texted to say she would be by shortly. Rose glanced up at the clock: just gone three.

“So, babe,” Mickey fixed Rose with narrowed eyes, “I have to agree with Clara: you’re not quite yourself. Deny it all you like, you are mooning. Not after some bloke, is it?”

Rose groaned.

“It is!”

“Look, I’m just feeling a little, I dunno…” she shrugged, “…not exactly sad, but jus’…”

“Mooning.”

She smiled. “It would just be nice to have someone special to share the holidays with, ya know? To dress up and go out somewhere nice. I love the shop, I mean… it’s my life, my dream. But it would be good to get out once in a while.” She leaned back against the counter and laid her head on Mickey’s shoulder, as he wrapped a comforting arm around her.

“You’ll find someone.”

“Yeah, maybe. No one as good as you, though.”

“You kidding me? I was a rubbish boyfriend… at least to you. I hope I’m doin’ okay with Mar.”

“She thinks you’re bloody wonderful. But us,” she nudged him with an elbow, “we were just never good together like that. To me, you’ve always been a lovely friend, a big brother, yeah. Always there when I need you. But sometimes, I just feel like I want someone to be a bit more than a friend. I’m just afraid…”

“That you’ll end up with another–”

“Yeah, Jimmy Stone…”

Mickey growled, “If I ever get my hands on that tosser… how he treated you…”

“Enough,” she shoved him a little, knocking him off balance, “you’ll scare away all the customers, looking all aggressive-like.”

“Like there are so many of those…”

She frowned at him, unimpressed.

“Fine…” He grudgingly relaxed, and Rose snuggled against him again. After a few quiet moments, he spoke again, “So tell me about this bloke?”

“What bloke?”

“The one that you’re mooning over. You can’t lie to me, babe, I know there’s someone…”

“Not really…”

“C’mon! Give.”

“There’s nothing to tell you. I hardly know him. It was just… a feeling… he seemed sweet. That’s all. But I’ve only ever seen him the once.”

“And…”

Rose shrugged. “He was nice, but waaaay out of my league. Working on his third Ph.D.”

“An older man! Shit, Rose!”

“No, no! He looks like he’s only a couple of years older than me,” Rose giggled. “I don’t think he’s even thirty. He’s just really clever. Says he’s a genius. Like I said, out of my league. Not that it matters. He’s only come in the once.”

“Wait a minute! This isn’t that… erm… what was it… Doctor-bloke who went gaga over your cup of tea, was it?”

Rose flushed, biting her thumb.

“It him, isn’t it? Clara told me about him. Said you thought he was a bit fit.”

“It was none of Clara’s business! Nothing happened. I don’t even know his proper name and he doesn’t know mine. So, it don’t matter, yeah.”

“Well, he’s an idiot if he didn’t bother to come back and get it, that’s all I can say. Not worth all the mooning.”

Rose opened her mouth to say something more, but at that moment the bell jingling heralded another customer entering the shop.

 About an hour later, Mickey huffed to himself as he wiped down the tables. Martha had arrived a little while ago, given him a quick peck on the cheek, and then she and Rose had disappeared into the kitchen ostensibly to get a start on a thorough New Year’s cleaning… but Mickey knew what really was going on was a good old gossip. Either way, it left him as the front man, taking care of the customers who occasionally wandered into the shop.

The bell chimed above the door. Mickey gave the table he was tending to one last wipe and looked up to greet the man who burst into the shop on a cold blast of wintery air from the street. “’Lo,” Mickey said, “Happy New Year, mate! What can I get you? Something to go?”

The man looked frantic. Even his hair looked frantic. He dragged a hand through it, making it stand up even more on end. “No… erm… no thanks. For here, please. I think I’d like to stay here for a bit.” He loosened the black bow tie at his neck, leaving the ends to dangle, and unfastened the top button of his shirt. “Blimey, that’s a bit better. Always feel trapped in a tux… unluckiest suit in the world. Never liked ‘em… Nothing good ever came from wearing a tux.” This time, he ran both hands through his hair.

“Yeah, mate, I get it. I don’t like a monkey suit much either. Look, take a seat and I’ll bring you a menu, but to be honest, you look like you need something a bit stronger than a posh coffee.”

Mickey left to grab a menu from the stand at the front of the service counter and returned to the man, who had seated himself at a table by the window. His legs were jittering with nervous energy. He took the menu from Mickey and glanced over it with glazed eyes.

“I don’t know why I’m here,” he looked up from the menu. “Just putting off the inevitable. My life is over after tonight.”

“Mate, you have a brand-new year coming up! New opportunities. How bad can it be, yeah?”

“You don’t understand. If I don’t show up with a date to the Uni Gala… she’ll…” he spat out the word, “she’ll… Fuck! I’m doomed.” He slumped over the table.

“I’m sorry, man. Wish I could help.”

“No,” the man straightened up, “I’m sorry.” He looked down at the menu again. “I’ll have… hmmm… I’ll have… You know what I need… I need a cup of tea. It did wonders the last time I was here.”

“I can do that! Nothing like a good cuppa, yeah? Oh, blimey, my best friend, Rose (she own’s this place!); well, her mum is known for making the best cuppa, and taught Rose everything she knows. But,” Mickey added conspiratorially, “I honestly think Rose makes it even better. But don’t tell her mum I said so… she’d flay me alive.”

“Rose?” The man’s expression relaxed as he muttered the name, a small smile toying with his lips. “Her name is Rose…”

This man was a bit odd, Mickey thought. Not a bad sort, just a bit odd. “Can I get your name for the order then?”

“Oh, right!” He broke out of his daze. “My name, of course. The Doctor.”

“The Doctor…” Mickey repeated slowly. The name was so familiar, but he just couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Yup! That’s me! Just ‘The Doctor’. It’s easier that way. My real name’s quite common.”

“The Doctor…” Mickey mulled the name around in his mind again, and suddenly all the pieces fell into place. “Wait! You’re the Doctor! The Doctor who was in here a few days before Christmas. You ordered a cup of tea, yeah?”

The Doctor quirked a suspicious left eyebrow at Mickey. “Yeeess… a brilliant cup of tea. What about it?”

“Oh, mate! You said need a date for tonight?” Mickey had never considered himself to be much of a matchmaker. If he was being honest, it would never normally have crossed his mind. He was much more of a live-and-let-live sort of bloke. But this time, it was Rose’s happiness at stake, and when it came to ensuring Rose’s happiness, there were no holds barred.

“Erm… yes… yeah… but, it’s too late. I’m never going to find a date at this time. I told you, I’m doomed.”

“Nah, not tonight, you’re not. Mate, I think I may just have the answer to all of your problems!”

[asarahworld-writes]

One Trip

After a canonical adventure with Bill, Twelve ends up meeting a eighteen year old Rose, and they end up travelling together, despite the Doctor’s better judgment. Pretty soon his timeline starts reforming, and the Doctor begins to forget the previous timeline. By the time he’s mostly forgotten, Bad Wolf starts appearing again. Over a series of adventures, Bad Wolf continues to appear, and things escalate. By now, the Doctor can no longer remember why it’s a bad thing…

@doctorroseprompts It’s the Paternoster Gang rather than Bill, but I didn’t want to do Bill a disservice by grossly mischaracterizing her when I haven’t seen her episodes at the time I started this.

AO3 link

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She’s eighteen and so beautiful (and far too young for him) and he watches jealously as she takes Mickey’s hand.  His eyes cloud as she pecks the boy’s cheek, angrily thinking that he doesn’t deserve her.  They’re young and happy, carefree even, not giving the world around them a second thought.  One day, soon for her but far in the past for him, he’ll take her hand and they’ll start to run.  Not normally the type of man to reminisce, he smiles softly as he starts to remember the adventures they’d shared.

He’s running, she’s halfway down the block about to cross the street, unable to see the truck turning the corner.  He slams to the pavement, his body shielding hers from gravel and other road debris.  Mickey stands beside them, looking surprised and thoroughly shaken, but he barely registers in the Doctor’s mind.  He’s far more concerned about Rose.

“Are you all right?”  He asks urgently, helping her back to her feet.  She winces as she gets up and he feels guilty for brief rush of pleasure he’d felt as she’d touched his hand.  He reaches out to touch her shoulder, jerking back when Mickey slaps his hand away.  “I’m a doctor,” he growls, examining Rose.  Nothing, thankfully, is broken (though he suspects a serious sprain) and he promptly tells her so, pointedly ignoring the younger man.  She thanks him for saving her life and he awkwardly tries to brush it off, desperately pretending not to know her.  He can see the TARDIS a few feet behind her and knows that he needs to leave.

But Rose is here and she’s cautiously asking if he’d like to get chips, in return for saving her life.  He looks at her, and he must have some strange expression on his face because she is smirking as if he’d answered ‘yes’.  Mickey protests, saying that he’s a stranger, an old bloke who might spirit her away and kill her.  Well, three out of four isn’t bad.  There’s no denying the fact that he was so much older than either of them.  Or that he had invited Rose to travel (alone) with him across the universe.  (Or that she had died, killed by the Time Vortex running through her head.)  But he wasn’t a stranger, not from his perspective. They walk to the chippy and the Doctor sees new timelines forming in his head.  Timelines where his Ninth (tenth, the part of his mind that was the Warrior asserts) self never met Rose Tyler.  He pushes the thoughts away.

Rose reaches for her chips, wincing once more and the Doctor realizes that she must be in pain.  Without thinking, he calls the TARDIS and she materializes around them and he quickly asks for her to bring forward the medbay.  Very begrudgingly, she acquiesces, gently reminding the Doctor that her Wolf was not yet ready to meet him.  The Doctor ignores her, scanning her shoulder with the sonic and sighing when the TARDIS confirms his suspicion.  He tapes her shoulder with a forty-second century wrap, the sprain should heal within the next few hours.

“Where are we?”  Rose is looking at him, confused and scared, though to anyone else who didn’t know her she’d be doing a fine job of masking those emotions.

“It’s called the TARDIS, it’s a spaceship.  Is that all right?”  He says, not wanting to overwhelm her, though knowing that she’ll be able to take it in.

“Is it alien?”  She looks around, at the foreign equipment, at the walls, and (finally) at him.

“Yes,” he says quietly, anticipating her next question from his original timeline.

“Are you an alien?”

He nods, not quite able to believe that she was here, in the TARDIS.

Rose looks at him, clearly trying to decide if he was telling the truth.  “What’s your name?”

“I’m the Doctor.”

“The Doctor?  Doctor what?” Some things, it seemed, were set in stone, the Doctor thought.

“Just the Doctor,” he beams, not quite believing the scene in front of him.  Rose Tyler was in the TARDIS (with the Doctor, like she should be).

“Is that supposed to sound impressive?”

He lowers his hand from where it had been resting against his mouth. “Perhaps.”  And perhaps he wasn’t as against flirting as he’d once thought.

“People just call you ‘the Doctor'?” Rose asked.

“Usually. I am, as you can see, a man of intrigue and mystery,” the Doctor couldn't help but grin.

A wheezing groan fills the air.  The TARDIS had moved.  Automatically, he takes Rose’s hand and runs to the console room.  London, 1895.  On the doorstep of 13 Paternoster Row.  A knock sounds at the door.

“Open the door immediately or I shall open it by any means necessary!”  The shout made by the Sontaran is just credible enough that the Doctor obeys.  “Ah, Doctor. You had better go on in, Madame heard your TARDIS land.”  Strax frowns, peering into the ship.  “Where’s the boy?  I see you’ve brought a new one along.”

The Doctor looks back at Rose.  She would never be content to stay in the TARDIS while he went in.  “Her name is Rose,” he breathes, savouring how her name rolled off his tongue.  

“Where’s the other one?”  Strax asks, remembering that his companion had been a young boy called Clara.

The Doctor ignores him, locking the door of the TARDIS.  Rose looks from Strax to the inside of the house.  “Where are we?”

“You know how I said that the box was a spaceship?”  The Doctor asks, and Rose nods.  “It also travels in time.”

“Is he an alien?”

“Yes.”  Rose would be fine with this.  “The lady of the house is not human, either.”

“Not human…but not an alien?”

She was brilliant.  “She’s a Silurian.  The first intelligent species on Earth.  A highly advanced civilization that went into hibernation in anticipation of a meteor strike that never happened.  What did happen was the rise of the planet of the apes. You lot evolved into humans.”

“Doctor,” a feminine voice enters the room and Rose looks up to see the Silurian woman. Her…scales were olive-coloured, and instead of hair she had three crests atop her head.  At the sight of Rose, however, she hisses.  “Strax did not mention the human.  Where is Clara?”

“I don’t know.” His tone makes it clear – he does not wish to discuss her.  Not when he has such a, dare he even think it, fantastic companion with him now.

“Who is this? Strax, why did you not say that there was a stranger in our midst?”  Vastra calls for the alien.

“She is a companion of the Doctor,” the alien says, rather scathingly.

Vastra circles back to Rose.  “Well, child?”

Rose looks to the Doctor, she trusted him (he’d saved her life), who simply watched her. The alien woman appears rather posh and so she elects to do a small, rather awkward, curtsey.  “Hello.”

“Your new companion is remarkably calm.”  Vastra eyes the Doctor.  His companion.  Perhaps she could travel with him.  They could have a whole year together before she went back to meet the Ears.  He shrugs, bringing his hand back to his mouth.

There is something…off, about his companion.  Nothing wrong in the way that Clara’s echo had been, but Vastra has a feeling that the Doctor is up to something. There is something different about this girl, and Vastra is determined to learn what that is.  There is a look in the Doctor’s eyes as well, softening whenever he looks at the young girl; if she hadn’t been so surprised, Vastra might have seen it for what it was – love.

There’s a knock at the door and a young, attractive woman bearing a tea tray enters the room.

“Well, what is your name?”  The alien asks, accepting a cup of tea from the young woman.  Silently, she hands tea around the room and Rose gratefully accepts, taking a calming drink before answering.

“’M Rose,” she says, and she sees a hint of something flash across the alien’s face.  The woman takes a seat beside the alien, whispering to her.  The Doctor jerks his head and the alien and the woman abruptly cuts off their private discussion, looking again at Rose with hard eyes.  It’s only as Jenny takes her place beside her that Vastra realizes what the emotions are currently displayed on the Doctor’s face.

“Rose,” Vastra rolls the name over her tongue.  “If you would excuse us for a moment.”  The poor child nods and Vastra marches the Doctor out of the room, nearly slamming him against the wall.  “Who is she,” she hisses.  That the Doctor has become more reckless every time she sees him is concerning.

“Rose Tyler,” the Doctor answers, surprisingly open.  Vastra frowns.

“Who is she to you,” she amends.  She knows what a person in love looks like, and the Doctor has clearly fallen hard for the ape.  He looks at her like she’s the centre of his universe, but the woman looks at him as if he’s a stranger.  Woman. She’s barely a woman, no more than twenty, Vastra thinks.

The Doctor looks back to the door.  “It’s a long story.”

“Then make it short,” Vastra presses.  As bad as it is for the Doctor to travel alone, it’s not worth the risk to reality for the Doctor to interfere with his own past.

“I can hide her memories.  Have a few more adventures with the love of my lives.  I’m old, Vastra, and yet the rest of my lives have just begun anew.  And already it’s been far too long since I’d last seen her.  Two regenerations.”

“So you keep going back on her timeline every few regenerations and show her the universe over and over again?  I am no expert on the human brain, but it seems to me that you would be constantly re-writing her future, while retaining the memories for yourself.  And then what?  How young is she now?  How young will she be the next time?”

“And what would you do if it was Jenny,” the Doctor flipped the question.  “If you had control over time itself and she was long gone, but you had the chance to have her back?”  He knew the answer.  Jenny had died, in this very room, when the Great Intelligence had tried to wipe out his entire timeline.  An angry Silurian was not to be trifled with.  But neither was a Time Lord.

“How dare you,” Vastra hisses and the Doctor takes a step back. “My Jenny died.  She was murdered by the Great Intelligence before Clara reset the timelines.”

_Clara. _Again with Clara. Who was this mysterious Clara and why did he have a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that he ought to know who she was?

“Yes, and I lost Rose Tyler to a parallel universe. Jenny is with you every hour of every day – I have not seen Rose Tyler in millennia.” The Doctor fires back. Vastra had brought up valid points to his situation, but the Doctor did not want to listen.

“You can not go around plucking people from their timelines, especially when it affects your own,” Vastra counters.  “From what I understand, you left her happy.”

“It broke the both of my hearts to do that,” the Doctor admits quietly.

“But you gave her yourself,” Vastra says gently. “How many people could do that?”

The Doctor turns, leaving the room.  After a moment, the Detective follows. The Doctor was in love, besotted to the point that he was endangering his self.

One trip. One trip, and he'd take her home. One trip and he'd lock away her memories of this him. One trip to steal a day from his past self (more literally stolen from Rickey), to have one more memory of Rose Tyler. He takes Rose by the hand to escort her back aboard the TARDIS, puts the ship back into the Vortex, and asks to see her injured shoulder. Rose immediately shrugs out of her hoodie and it hits the Doctor like a ton of bricks that she's the most beautiful sight that he has ever beheld. How he ever could have forgotten her beauty is a mystery. He does a quick scan with his screwdriver, the test results appearing on the console viewer. Completely healed.

“That was the past,” the Doctor says, with an air of nonchalance. “How does the future sound? Or even better, an alien world. You met an ancient inhabitant of the Earth, and her wife. So for something different,” he grins suddenly. “First door on the left is the wardrobe. The TARDIS likes you, she doesn't normally move rooms around.” To say that he stretched the truth… the TARDIS loved Rose like no other companion.

Rose was gone twenty-four point one two minutes exactly. When she returned, gone was her pink on pink shirt. That the ship had picked the outfit was clear – her shirt was a shimmering lacey sort of material, layered over thick silver tights. Her soft trainers had been replaced by a pair of worn but sturdy boots. “You look, nice,” he stumbles over the words, silently cursing himself. She looked stunning, as ever, and the Doctor marvelled at her exquisiteness. He holds out his arm, rather stiffly, his hearts pounding in his throat as she takes it.

“Have we really moved again? Where are we? _When _are we?”

“It's called Woman Wept. About two thousand years in your future,” [six hundred years forward from his last visit to the planet] the Doctor snaps and the TARDIS doors open.

“It's beautiful,” Rose doesn't let go of his arm as she steps outside.  Privately, the Doctor thinks that the beauty of the planet pales in comparison to the young human [too young, the voice in the back of his head says] at his side [like she should be, he bites back].  He allows Rose to lead him across the planet, taking in not only the sight of Rose but her experience of the new planet.

Unbidden, his first memory of seeing Rose on an alien world comes to the front of his mind.  Well, among alien people, he amends, remembering Platform One.  They walk in silence, and the Doctor looks at Rose, knowing but still needing to guess what she’s thinking.

“People don’t live here, do they?”  Rose asks.

“Depends what you mean by people.  But, no, the planet hasn’t been colonized yet.”

“I mean people.  What do you mean?”  Again, she says something so like her proper introduction into his life that it jars the Doctor, snapping him back to the danger of the reality he is living.  The touch of her hand in his overrides his rational mind and he easily answers that ‘people’ includes most sentient life forms. Like Vastra and Strax (and himself).

“Aliens. Sentient beings who lived on the Earth before the rise of apes.  Humans. Nonhumans,” the Doctor strives for nonchalance.

Rose looks out at the glacial mountains.  “What’s your planet like?”

Of course she would want to know.  But with Gallifrey…missing, he felt even less like speaking of his homeworld than usual. “Twin suns set over the red fields, with a warm breeze rustling.  The trees were silver and when the morning light hit them, the world looked like it was set afire.”  He stopped his oddly poetic description, looking down as her free hand covered his.

“Sounds beautiful.”  Rose’s face is alight with curiosity and wonder.

The Doctor shrugs.  “The planet was nice enough, I suppose.  I haven’t been there since… since the War.”  The War.  Yet another thing he did not want to think of.  The Time Lords would be beyond furious with his actions.  The way he was twisting the timelines right now was chaotic at best, universe-ending paradoxical at worse.

“I’m sorry,” Rose’s hand gently squeezes his own.

“Still, I’ve got the TARDIS.  A whole universe to explore,” he grins.  “Not a bad life.”

“There’s me,” Rose says softly.  The Doctor looks at her face, trying to keep the more-than-friendly concern from showing.

“It’s been more than sixteen hours since you came onboard, you must be tired,” he deflected. “The TARDIS will have a room for you.”

The ship hums, both in agreement and chastising him.  It’s dangerous keeping her with him, no matter how much they both have missed her.

[renee-writer]

Murtagh and Rebecca Fraser

A/N A one shot from the Marine universe. Murtagh and Rebecca's courtship and marriage. It is sweet and fluffy with no angst. @ladymeraud and I appreciate all who read, comment and reblog our stories. 💓💓💓💓

She stands by the small croft on the edge of the Fraser land. A week ago, Robert left Lallybroch. In two weeks time, his sister, Rebecca will return. Murtagh and she had decided it was time for her to live openly as a woman.

He had found this empty croft and Ellen and Claire had made her a dress and the appropriate undergarments sans underwear. That will take some getting used to.

She had debated going back to the stones, back to her own time. But, she quickly realized that she belonged her with Murtagh. Her parents are dead, her siblings scattered, and she loves him.

That love shocks her. He wasn't her type, if she has one). He is gruff and rough, tender, sweet, and protective. So protective. She doesn’t require his protection. But, it makes her feel so special. “Ye will always have my protection.” He tells her.

So, a week ago, Robert said goodbye to the people of Lallybroch. Brian and Jamie are in the stables. “Mi'lords, I am afraid I must take my leave. My family in the colonies have sent word of their need for me.”

“Then ye must go. We will miss you.” Brian had replied.

She takes leave of the lasses. Claire, hugely pregnant, hugs her as well as she can, ‘See ye soon.’ She whispers in her ear.

The croft had been outfitted with a bathtub and several buckets of water. Murtagh, she had thought with a smile. She had quickly stripped out of her Robert personnel and slipped into the heated water. The soap by it's side smells of roses. Murtagh again. She washes her body and her longer hair, freed now from the constant hat.

As she remembers, there is a knock on the door. Murtagh stands there with four prepared rabbits. “I thought ye might be hungry.”

“It has only been a week.” She invites him in as she adds,” I have missed you too.”

“Aye lass.” He lays the rabbits down and pushes her against the door. He locks it before taken her lips. She can feel how much he missed her, against her thigh. And she still needs to syay her two weeks. Time for Robert to make it to the docks and send his sister Rebecca back. She moves against him in frustration. He growls.

“Ye sure a quite bonny in a dress Becca, but the breeks have advantages.” His hands cups her through the layers of fabric, finding her bum.

“Hmm,” She agrees.

“I must go lass. I dinna wish too but.”

“It is only two weeks.” They both sigh. “I love you.”

“I love ye Becca.”

Two weeks later Rebecca Paisley approaches Lallybroch. In her dress, her long hair plaited back, she looks nothing like Robert. The first person she meets is Murtagh.

“Hello lass,” He bows low,” Murtagh Fraser, yer servant. How may I be of assistance to ye.” All said for the benefit of the other people working in the field.

“Rebecca Paisley. My brother, Robert says you may be in need of a school teacher.”

“Aye lass. We've some orphans that need an education. Come I will introduce him to Himself, Brian Fraser, Laird here.”

She finds Brian where she had last seen him. With a courtesy, she introduces herself. “I was gifted with the surprise of running into Robert at the docks. I came back to my families homeland seeking employment. He mentioned ye made need a school teacher.”

“We do. And, as you are a relative of Roberts, I can't think of a better person for the role. Murtagh introduce her to her Mistress and then take her to the croft set up for the school teacher so she can get settled before supper.”

“Thank ye very much.”

She is surprised at how much bigger Claire had got in three weeks. She comes out to greet her with Ellen and Jenny, supported by Jamie.

“It is very nice to meet you Miss Paisley. My own bairns will be ready to attend school soon.” Jenny says. Claire hugs her.

“Welcome home.” Claire and Ellen both whisper in ear. Murtagh then takes her to the croft. It is also furnished with a tub as well as a spray of flowers.

“Murtagh. How lovely.”

“Ye deserve it.” He bolted the door. “Come her Becca. I wish to show you how much I missed ye.”

She quivers in expectation. She wants him too. He runs his hand over her chest and she moans. She can't recall ever doing that before. His hand works to cup her sex. Her hands run over the solid hard length of him.

“Now please. I need you now.” He lays her down, lifts her skirts up. They are both to impatient to fully undress. He is in her the next minute. They are almost late to dinner.

Over dinner, the Fraser's and Murray’s get to know the new schoolmarm. Claire, Ellen, and especially Murtagh, know her but, now she is fully Rebecca.

Over the following two weeks, Murtagh and Brian put all there effort into getting the school set up. Murtagh and Rebecca slip away to the Tower, the only place they can be alone during the day. They do spend every night together. Brian, no fool, notices.

The day the school opens, with a huge party, he pulls him aside,. “Murtagh do ye plan on asking for her hand or do I need to force ye to.”

“I wish to marry her. May I have permission to officially court her?”

“Aye. Tis a grand match.” Rebecca is called over and agrees to the arrangement with joy.

“I love him.” She tells Brian.

“I am glad. He loves you too. I've ne' seen him like this. It is nice.

The festivities are halted when Claire goes into labor. With the men pacing downstairs, Rebecca, Ellen, and Jenny, guide her through it. She is delivered of a baby boy, a bit early but hardy and healthy. Rebecca goes down to telk Jamie with tears in her eyes. Murtagh sees her.

“Why the tears lass?”

“I will never give you such a gift. I can't have children.”

“Oh lass. There is a passel of orphans here. They need parents. We can raise them. I wish too.”

“Really? You would be content with that?”

“Oh aye. Ye needn’t worry about providing a bairn. We will have more then enough.”

And she didn’t think she could love him more. She slips in to see the newest Fraser as often as possible, breathing in that newborn smell. She also gets to know her students.

When wee Henry James Fraser, is three months old, they are married. Ellen and Jenny make her a beautiful gown. It is white with blue embroidery throughout. She invites the older lasses, including the oldest, a sweet lass named Jane, to join her as bridesmaids. Murtagh does the same with the lads. Only the youngest, the three and four year olds were not in the wedding party.

She meets her kilt clad Highlander and takes his hand. The ceremony is simple but beautiful. The blood vow brings her to tears. There is a huge party after.

They dance with each others and the orphans who will become their children. Finally, they make their way to their new croft. He carries her over the threshold.

“May I undress ye Mrs. Fraser?” Their lovemaking had been mostly clothed, out of necessary.

“If I can you.”

“Oh aye.” They undress slowly before moving to the bed and making love slowly and thoughly.

Murtagh asks Brian's permission to make the orphans Fraser's under his and Rebecca’s charge.

“Absolutely. I will get Ned on it.”

Her first year of marriage is full of children. She both trains and educates the new Fraser's as well as the Murray’s. The lasses bulk, at first, at being trained to fight. She reminds them of what the Redcoats did in the past. They all agree.

As the years go on, Jane marries and lays their first grandchild in their arms. They educate and train all the tentants bairns. They also take in the bairns of those unable to care for them. They are never without a bairn at their knee, either their own or a grandbaby.

Looking back, she finds it hard to believe, that she, a tough marine, fell in love, married, and raised children with a rough Highlander. But, wouldn’t change a second of it.

The end