#also also sometimes when I see which men and women are considered attractive

[parlerenfleurs]

Savouring the fact that, these days, despite my objective knowledge that I'm not within the accepted canons of beauty, I find myself quite appealing

[stuck-writing-sickos]

In Poor Taste [P4]

[Series Link]

(Yandere × F! Reader)

[Warning: misogyny, explicit language, violence, harrassment, bodily harm]

(A/N: i see some of yall find Lukas so offputting 🎯yall not rocking with him? Why❤️What for✨️ is it his personality 💕is he vile and disgusting 🥹? do u hate him💋? Do u wanna beat his ass 🫶? )

You were never crazy about spoiled rich men. They were nothing but troubles.

He didn't expect to see a familiar face in the tight, dim, sweaty corner of Tokyo. He regretted going to this silly punk rock concert in the first place, but he did say this morning that he would go to one so he could talk to you about it. Mostly he was set on going because he wanted to try out something new, something to talk about - his peers wouldn't set foot near this underground coffee. It was unfortunate that he had no genuine interest in the music - it was loud and complicated. Unpredictable. The guitar might sound cool, but there wasn't a groove to which he could chill and bob his head or trip balls on mushroom while making out with a stranger. No trippy backdrops here - just the dim, anxiety-inducing colored stage light.

So he was there at a standing table way back, watching the crowd dance and scream. He found it strange - the hair, the makeup, the eccentric clothes. The only thing he would safely get behind was the fishnet and leather skirts that some girl really rocked. Sometimes, the girls over at the States would wear that to bars or theme nights. He liked that. He didn't like the way he feel here - half aroused, half judgemental. He would rather the tight sportwears on tanned blond surfers or yoga instructors. The ones who earned nods and hums and vile comments from his frat brothers were he to kiss and tell. Being attracted to them made him feel normal. Accepted. Approved. He wouldn't be caught dead eyeing these women.

But his friends weren't here, so he got to look. Never tell, though. Or if he did, he would say "oh, they dressed crazy", or "their eyeliner were scary", or "their piercings freak me out".

Deciding that it was time for another beer, Lukas begrudgingly went to the bar again. He felt anxious and alone, sticking out like a sore thumb. He earned quite some looks from women, but he couldn't be so sure if they liked what they see or if they could tell he was a poser who only came just to say he did it. He couldn't read their expressions, partly since he was drunk, partly because he was now considering the cultural differences, even if only for a morcel. He was made aware of it most pointedly this morning: the couple faux-pas he made with Sakamoto might have been intentional, but the guy's lack of reaction made him question how big of an insult he had put out there.

Sakamoto made him feel defensive, though Lukas decided not to dwell on it. He wasn't one to feel insecure, especially with guys like that - soft faced and soft-spoken. His big round eyes and sickly skin made him look like a woman, too. At least, Lukas would acknowledge that he was tall. But that was his only saving grace.

He wasn't explicitly aware that he was feeling more territorial over you. It wasn't about you anyway, it was by default. Even in the past, he had done these things - putting down other men to get to women. They were his wingmen, he would justify, they weren't supposed to outshine him. When it was his turn to wingman, he definitely let his brothers dog on him for days. It was common and understandable. If anything, Sakamoto should make ways for him. A girl like you wouldn't suit that guy - he was too uptight and serious. What would two high-strung people do together? You should be with someone who know what a good time is. Also, he saw something Sakamoto didn't - a glimpse of your tattoo. Those family-man wouldn't know how to deal with that. How would he take bring that up to his family? They would freak. Even his sister's "31:25" tattoo freaked his parents out, and they were already the most liberal rich family in his neighborhood.

Yeah, Sakamoto should leave you to him.

Settling in on a barstool, he ordered another beer, then repeat himself when the bartender couldn't quite make out what he was trying to say.

Lukas let his eyes scan the people sitting near him. Only a few, he noticed. It wasn't a crazy crowd to begin with.

After this beer, he'd go home.

As the bartender come back with his bottle, Lukas noticed something he didn't expect. From the crowd, you emerged, making your way toward the bar. He blinked, trying to see if he was mistaken.

No... that was definitely you.

All black from head to toes, you treaded silently like a death omen, your sleek heels clicking. Your short sleeved turtle neck and your tight pants started a heat within his chest. Your face wasn't any different, though - just the usual look. No crazy eyeliner, no bold dark lipstick. Seemed like you did not come here to impress the crowd.

You didn't notice him. Hopping onto a stool at the other end with your back facing him, you ordered something.  You knew Japanese, or just enough to get by. A lot of expats got to that point eventually.

Lukas debated on confronting you about your lies - you said you would be at dinner with a friend. Or maybe he could do that tomorrow.

He didn't peg you for such a casual liar.

Lukas hatched another plan: he could observe you, and see how deep your lies could go. Sipping on his beer, he followed your movement. You adjusted in your chair, still with that calm manner you carried yourself. Then, his eyes rested on your skin left bare by the bold backless top. You looked good, but clueless. Would you know the implications of such a shirt? The way your body moved in it... men would think you were asking for troubles. Bad men. Asshole men who didn't know they were pigs. At least he had the decency to admit that he was a pig, but he was an honest pig who respected women. He was a pig who knew to ask once, then if rejected a couple more time just to make sure, then he would leave it alone. Most pigs wouldn't know to even ask.

You sipped on your pink cocktail. That was cute. Your right now style reminded him of those ravebabes he met during spring break, but you were more subtle and quiet. Your movement were less urgent, and your clothes were less exposing. It was a nice feminine touch.

Your moment of rest didn't seem to last long. A man had chosen to sit down right next to you. This man was lanky, dressed in a very unbuttoned black button-down. He started to chatter, first in Japanese, then in English. Another sleazeball trying to test out his games. Lukas wondered when would be appropriate to interfere.

Your body language made it clear you weren't interested, but not afraid. Immediately covering your drink, you tried to turn your body away. The man seemed not to mind. If anything, his speech seemed more excited, his hands moving around like a stupid puppet. Desperate, Lukas thought, that was not a good look.

Deciding your half-finished drink wasn't safe anymore, you laid it on the bar and stepped down, trying to leave. Upon this, the man caught your wrist, forcing you to turn his way. Lukas' stomach twisted - here it was, the moment where he step it and scare off this asshole.

A loud, off-tune note shred through the music. Lukas looked at the stage. The band played on, but it seemed there was a technical issues with the guitarist.

The momentary distraction cost him his chance to intervene. When he turned his eyes back to you, he was hit with a strange scene - in a swift movement you twisted your arms around the man's and grabbed onto his forearm, forcing it down so hard he stumbled. Your face, now turned sideway during the commotion, was eerily calm when you talked. Lukas heard "Sir... I said no."

The man said something in Japanese, something that sounded bitter. Probably a curse word. Lukas jumped off his seat just as the stranger swung with his free arm to slap you across the face. The bartender seemed to have decided that whatever was going on was enough, and she rushed to you. Before she could, you clenched your idle fist and landed an uppercut so hard the harrasser let out a cartoonish "oof", his limp fingers releasing you as he stumbled backward, hitting right against the bouncer who appeared as if from the shadow.

Something in Lukas awakened in that moment. Your stone cold feature and your bruised knuckle left him slack-jawed. He stepped closer, intending to ask if you were okay. Once again, he was interrupted.

"Sir and ma'am, please explain what happened", the burly bouncer commanded. The pathetic guy excitedly tried to speak, but you only crossed your arms and watched. Your eyes was set on the sad attempt at vidication, but you were patient to let him finish his spiel.

"Is it true that you attacked this gentleman unprovoked, ma'am?"

"I apologize for the commotion, sir", your bowed, hands now hanging right atop your knees. Pulling yourself back up, you continued, "this young man seemed to have taken my rejection poorly, and he had slapped me across my face. I understand that my punch was unseemly, but I did that in an attempt to protect myself. He had gotten ahold of my arms and hit me, so I was fearing for the worst."

The bouncer's scowled, but he decided that he had heard it all. His big hand grabbed onto the stranger's wrist, and together they exited out the backdoor.

The fight definitely grabbed some attention. Lukas stood watching you look around, soaking in the side eyes. Taking in a breath, you dusted yourself off and hopped back onto a barstool. The thick, moist, cigarette-dense air fell heavy in Lukas' lungs. He felt his heart drumming, his body hot from an excitement he couldn't surpress. Something about the way you fought hit him like ecstasy.

He wondered if your punch hurts.

Lost in the unprecedented euphoria, he could only gaze at you as some women came up and asked if you were okay. You reassurred them with a familiar smile, one he had seen you wore at work. Your voice was soft again as you thanked the chirpy crowd for their concerns.

Lukas didn't say anything to you that night. He went home and let the image of you and your victorious knuckle bruises lull him to sleep.

___

"Do you need me to find out who he is?"

Yuki wasn't happy when he asked that. The sight of your bandaged hand and the medical patch on your face stirred his stomach with guilt.

"No, of course not", you shook your head, "I'm fine! Really, it was nothing."

Yuki pursed his lips. The lunch he packed himself suddenly tasted like cardboard.

He tried to make it easier by reminding himself that at least Lukas didn't push to have lunch with you today. In fact, the guy had been stoic for the entire morning. Even though you weren't around, Lukas had somehow been working on his computer silently instead of sprawling on his chair like a slacker. Perhaps you had reminded him about his attitudes at work?

If you did, Yuki was impressed that the newbie knew to listen. He didn't think that kid would be the type to do so.

"Sakamoto, please don't worry. I had fun, and your set was great."

He looked down. He knew he wasn't directly to blame, though the guilt never went away- he was well-acquainted with this sort of harrassment. Right in his childhood home he had witnessed worse. What grated him the most was the silence afterward. The way his mother's frail form would hunch, casting a bent shadow on the shoji, her hands cupping her face. He was too young and small to do anything but stand in the hallway and watch as she eventually moved, mute and rigid. He heard the folds of her clothes creasing against one another and the floorboard barely creaking under her feet.

She couldn't have fought back. She was sickly. When he grew into his middle school uniform, Yuki tried to fight on her behalf but his teenage body bounced off his father's sturdy chest. His father was a merciless man, strong like the grey stone wall surrounding their mansion. Yuki remembered the disappointment in the old man's voice as he lamented "my only son is emotional like a woman, and weak like one, too."

"I see...", he said to you, his voice weary. He didn't know what else to say. He didn't want to bring up the fact that when he saw your tug of war, he let his hand slip across the strings, messing up the song. He had planned to jump off the stage, but his lead singer had tugged on his sleeve and eyed the bouncer who was already coming your way. What was there to tell you? He couldn't say that he had almost done something. Either he did something or he did nothing. In this case, he did nothing. Yuki tried to find solace in the fact that you held your own, but he couldn't. You shouldn't have to, not right in front of a friend.

Another wave of bitterness hit him when he remembered Lukas standing there watching, hesitant to interfere, tall and awkward like an useless telephone pole. Yuki wondered if he should bring Lukas up, but he decides against it. He didn't want you to feel worse - a friend and a junior watching you getting hit, that would not brighten anyone's day. He felt sorry for you to have to deal with two cowards.

Well, if he couldn't feel better, the least he could do was to keep you from feeling worse. He had been of no help with his stupid sad face. After all, this should not be about him. Yuki shamefully put his feelings in the corner as he tried to think of something that would cheer your up.

"Hey, would you like to check out a cat cafe this weekend with me?"

Your eyes lit up.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's right down the street from where I live. I have been meaning to visit, but it would be awkward to go alone."

Yuki already visited. He liked their cakes and tea. Still, he saw no harm in a little white lie to make his invitation seem more natural. He would hate for you to get the idea that he felt obliged to make up for what happened. That would be a transactional spin on what was supposed to be a gesture of friendship.

"That would be so nice! I also was hoping to relax a little lately..."

The knot in his chest unraveled at that.

___

You were intimidated by Lukas' switch-up. Since morning, he was quiet. Upon seeing your bruises, he asked what happened, to which you gave a vague respond about tripping on the sidewalk. No more inappropriate attempts of flirting nor small talks - he appeared to be engrossed in the tasks you handed to him. You found it simultaneously nice and unnerving, so a part of you were glad that you were scheduled to teach until lunch. You were worried that if you were near him for too long, you wouldn't be able to resist asking him what triggered this change.

You thought of asking him to join you and Sakamoto for lunch, remembering the agreement you had made the day prior. Though, by the time you reached the lounge, he was getting ready to leave. "Please don't mind me", he said with an oddly soft smile, "I need to pick up something at the convenient store nearby. I hope you and Mr. Sakamoto have a good meal". His out of character veneered grin hit you like a brick.

By the time afternoon rolled by, Lukas occupied only a corner of your mind. You were mowing through the last days of school, teaching, writing, planning the end of year school festival. When you landed from the whirlwind and came back to the lounge for your last hour, you barely noticed the junior colleague who was still hunched over his laptop. Brushing past him, you got settled. Your tense body completely dropped its guards as you melted in your chair.

Your gaze met with a bottle of cold green tea in your cubicle. From the thin condensation, you figured it hadn't been around for long.

"Afternoon", Lukas' voice echoed from the other side of your corner, "you seemed tired. It's not much, but I hope you feel a little more refreshed drinking that."

"Mr. Lukas... it's so nice of you. I'm embarrassed to not have anything in return."

He didn't move to look at you.

"Don't mind it! You had a long day."

His tone was cool and distant, a long shot from the flirtatiousness you had to suffer so far.

"Really, thank you, Mr. Lukas. I do like this brand a lot, so this definitely made me feel better."

There was a quick pause before he spoke again: "I'm glad."

He moved at last, turning to you. You missed his gaze as you twisted open the cap and took a sip.

"If you don't mind, I would love your opinion on the powerpoints I made so far."

"Of course", you nodded, rolling your chair his way. He arched back, giving you the space to take a look

Your attention was on the mistakes he had made. You had a flaw: you were a perfectionist. Despite your lack of vocal reaction, you knew you could be critical when you saw someone take over your work incorrectly. It comes with expertise. Still, you had trained yourself to manage the uneasiness and maintain an encouraging attitude - something your close friends called "softening the blow".

You often forget, though, that your face could betray you.

"Okay, you did great so far", you said, neglecting to meet his eyes, "but I want to make some notes here. Would you mind?"

"Not at all."

For someone so surprisingly tough, you lacked an eye for details. You didn't see the look on him as he watched your hardening face and bandaged knuckle as if he was starving.

[mygalriri]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS

I am not a professional astrologer. Some things I say may not resonate with everyone. However, if it doesn't resonate with you, I'd love to hear about your experience. If there are any professional astrologers who find fault with what I've said, feel free to correct me. I am open to constructive criticism. This is my first astro observations post though, so being nice is suggested. 😁

1. Moon Square Ascendant people may not be very expressive. Like their expression at all times is either "🙂" or "😐" 2. I don't know why but almost all Virgo risings tend to smile awkwardly in selfies, I've noticed this with celebrities too, either they smile awkwardly or don't smile at all I'm a Virgo rising and I cannot smile naturally in selfies at all like ughhh 3. Undeveloped Mars in Pisces men struggle to come in terms with their femininity and want to be seen as this "alpha male" that is overly masculine; often times being damaging to their mental health. Also prone to promiscuity sometimes. 4. Venus in Scorpios can be mean to the people they like at first but will gradually start to grow a soft spot just for the person they like. I've also noticed that they keep making excuses just to see or talk to the person they like. 5. No idea what the reason behind this is, but when your Moon sign matches someone's Sun sign, chances are you like their cooking. My mom and I have this placement combo (she has gemini sun and i have gemini moon and i have taurus sun and she has taurus moon) and we like eachother's cooking. 6. I know y'all have probably heard this a million times in other astro observations, but I'm gonna say it anyway cause it resonates with me. 12th house stellium in a Solar Return chart could mean a year of isolation. I had to ghost the people that I was talking to on a daily basis almost immediately after my solar return. 7. A lot of people think that venus is now you crush on someone AND how you approach them but I think that isn't true. Venus is how you crush on someone and Mars is how you approach/confess to them. I have Mars in Cancer and I had crushes on two women (not at the same time lol) who have Mars in Taurus which is considered to be a weak sign for Mars and I could sense that they liked me too but we never ended up confessing to each other. 8. Having the same Venus sign as someone's Mars sign indicates a strong attraction at first sight, I have Venus in Taurus and as you read from the previous point I can attest to this lol. 9. Jupiter in Gemini, especially men, can be shorter. This is because Jupiter represents expansion, growth and abundance and it is detrimental in Gemini. Jupiter in Capricorn can be applied to men as well but I feel it applies to women more 10. Pluto in 6th house in a SR chart can mean major changes in your lifestyle, since Pluto represents transformation and the 6th house represents how you go about your daily life.

That's all for now. Hope y'all enjoyed it. See you later, folks!

[foone]

(Sorry if this sounds mean) If you’re ace why are you looking for mind control erotica? This isn’t a bad faith question, as someone who’s aro but not ace I’m genuinely curious. Maybe expounding on it would help your followers point you at new things?

Also have you read Human Domestication Guide? It’s very mind controlly, though it does have pet stuff if you hate that or whatever.

Short answer: it's complicated.

So to answer in reverse order: I have read some HDG stories: not enough to remember what I read, but in general I like them. And petplay doesn't bother me. So I'll probably read more in future, it's just that it never triggered that "I should read all of this!" urge in me. Which isn't an indicator of how much I like it/the quality of it, that's just a thing that sometimes happens to my brain.

As for why I'm reading mind control erotica despite being asexual... It's complicated (as you might guess).

Basically I'm asexual in the "not attracted to men or women (or anything else/between)" sense. I don't experience sexual attraction, at all.

But that's only one part of sexuality. It may be the primary part for allosexuals, but it obviously can't be for me. I'm still interested in some sexual things, and I'm interested in them for sexual reasons, but it's just that those reasons are never "this person is hot" or "this sex is hot".

Like, not to give a complete listing of my kinks or anything, consider basic rope bondage as a fetish. You could look at the fetish from multiple angles:

It's sexy getting tied up, because of the physical sensation of being tied up.

It's sexy to be tied up, because you don't have control.

It's sexy to tie someone up, because of how they look tied up.

It's sexy to have someone tied up, because you have control and they don't.

It's sexy to have sex while tied up, because you can't resist it (in the scene. This is fantasy, there are safewords)

It's sexy to fuck someone tied up, because they can't resist (in the scene, fantasy, safewords)

And then in fiction you can do the last two minus the watsonian-bdsm: it's not a scene. (I won't discuss this further because discourse)

Only 5 and 6 really need sex itself to be a part of it. You can have the eroticism of bondage and no one has sex, or needs to be attracted to anybody.

I don't have a huge amount of experience here, but from what I've heard this isn't that uncommon in the bdsm community: there's plenty of people who show up at bdsm events solely for "non-sexual" tying/getting tied.

Anyway, once you understand that you can have a kink (even one that seems sexual) for reasons other than sexual attraction/sex* itself, you can probably see why an asexual person might still want to read about it.

Also there's elements of, like, exploration of personal impossibilities? As jms said:

So I cannot forgive. Which makes the notion of writing a character who CAN forgive momentarily attractive...because it allows me to explore in great detail something of which I am utterly incapable. I cannot fly, so I would write of birds and starships and kites; I cannot play an instrument, so I would write of composers and dancers; and I cannot forgive, so I would write of priests and monks and Minbari...

It can be interesting reading stories of people doing things you can't for reasons you never experience, obeying urges you don't have.

* "sex" is also a difficult thing to define, because especially in BDSM terms it gets very fuzzy. What things count as sex? Generally when I say like "they're spending too much time on the sex" or "the mind control is just an excuse to get to the sex", I'm defining sex as something like "some kind of insertion/licking/vibrating for sexual purposes", when many allosexuals (especially, uhh... What's the word for non-bdsm people? Them) would define it more narrowly, and many BDSM kinksters would define it more widely, including a lot of the things I'm not here: I've heard people call getting tied up or impact play as sex, for example.

Anyway you'd think this sort of perspective I've got on erotic fiction, where I'm here for the non-sex sexual fetish things, would be more common? After all, I'm talking about literature here. I tend to associate the allosexual attraction urge as a visual thing: this person looks sexy, so you experience sexual attraction towards them.

I can see how that'd work if you're talking about visual mediums: movies and photos of real people, even drawn images, but this is just words. I guess maybe people without aphantasia can imagine how someone looks from their description, and can experience some attraction based on that? I don't know. I've never really experienced attraction to written characters, so I can't say how it works. Feel free to enlighten me, anyone who does.

But you can definitely tell reading erotica which stories are "this is a sexy story because it has sexy people in it doing sexy things (sometimes kinkily)" and which are "this kink is the primary focus: any sex they have is in service of the kink, or is just a momentary distraction from the kink". I prefer the latter, by far.

Anyways, I think maybe I'm giving everyone a slightly misleading impression of how much I'm into mind control. It's more that I've found a few stories that actually were interesting to me for a couple reasons (first person submissive perspective, rules-based mind control, some worldbuilding) and then I've been looking for other stories that explore the same ideas as well (or better: the particular ones I liked had a little too much bimboification focus for me, which isn't one of my kinks) and failing. Thus I complain a lot about not being able to find the sort of stories I want.

Which, you know, makes sense? I'm an asexual reading through porn. Despite my explanation in this post, this is still not a great fit for me, so of course I'm disappointed. It'd be like if I was scrolling through a football site and not liking football, complaining about how much sports focus this site has. It's a little silly, you know?

But I'm a lot silly, so I continue.

[aaron-m-geist-ff]

JJK Men and Their Preferred Type of Woman. 🩷

Characters: Toji Fushiguro, Kento Nanami, Suguru Geto, Satoru Gojo

_______________________________________________

Kento Nanami

Kento is not very picky when it comes to a potential girlfriend. He needs someone who is kind and empathetic, those are two traits which he absolutely cannot go without. Luckily for him, most women fit that criteria.

Additionally, he would like someone who would be interested in being a mother. Kento has a dream of providing for his future wife and having at least two children. He needs his girlfriend to be serious about pursuing marriage eventually. Of course, he would never rush or force anything. But Kento is the type of man who dates with the intention of marrying at some point in the future. He needs his girlfriend to be capable of commitment.

Intelligence doesn’t matter too much to Kento. He doesn’t care if you got really bad grades in school or anything like that. He is much more interested in your heart. He really wants someone who is emotionally mature and sweet. Everything else pales in comparison.

As for appearance, he truly does not care. Kento’s only desire is that you are physically healthy. He doesn’t have any preference when it comes to hair color, eye color, or any other physical traits. Again, he is much more interested in your heart. :)

_______________________________________________

Suguru Geto

Suguru never really spent too much time thinking about what his type could be. But after constant pestering from his curious best friend Satoru, he finally started to consider it.

Suguru began to study himself. See how he reacted to different types of girls. He came to the conclusion that he likes the shyer type. Confident women can be really fun to converse with, and he finds them attractive, but there is just something about a shy and sweet woman which really makes Suguru weak.

He loves women who wear baggy sweaters or dress cutely somehow. He likes when a girl gets flustered or embarrassed easily. It’s so goddamn adorable to him. It makes Suguru feel protective.

He also wants someone who has a cute laugh. If his girlfriend is good at baking or cooking then that is definitely a plus.

And for appearance, Suguru really needs a lady with a cute ass. He needs to be able to stare at it sometimes, so it has to be a nice one ;)

_______________________________________________

Toji Fushiguro

Toji definitely has a soft spot for women with nice thighs. Whenever he sees a pretty lady with thicker thighs in a pair of skinny jeans he instantly gets dirty thoughts. Thinking about those delicious thighs wrapped around his waist as he thrusts into her. Goddamn, he often has to fight the urge to get hard in public.

Toji needs a girl with a high sex drive. There, I said it. He is the type of man who wants to fuck a lot. Of course he would never do anything forceful, which is why he needs his girlfriend to be enthusiastic about sex like he is. That would be a dream come true for him.

When it comes to personality, Toji is very flexible. He really doesn’t care what your personality traits are, as long as you aren’t a complete brat towards him all the time. He needs someone who he can hold a decent conversation with. You could have the most obscure interests and he wouldn’t mind as long as you are a good person.

Toji doesn’t mind how you dress. If you wanna be modest, that’s cute. If you want to dress like a whore, he will kill anyone who looks at you the wrong way. :D

_______________________________________________

Satoru Gojo

Satoru likes confident girls. The kind which aren’t afraid to make comebacks for his teasing jokes. It’s no fun if he teases you and you don’t fight back much. He’s very into bratty women because he likes to be a brat tamer.

A good sense of humor is essential with him. He loves to crack jokes and it would be troublesome if his girlfriend got offended easily. It’s important not to take his playful banter too seriously. It’s all done in good fun. Teasing is honestly like his love language at this point.

Satoru wants someone who doesn’t get jealous easily. He has a lot of admirers and he can’t prevent them from flirting with him. You would just need to have a lot of trust, he would be sure not to let you down. He is very loyal.

As for appearance, Satoru likes all sorts of women. Tall, short, skinny, chubby, brunette, blonde, redhead. Doesn’t matter. All that he asks for is a pretty girl with a good style. He likes to have arm candy to show off ;)

Master list link

[aceing-on-the-cake]

Compulsory Heterosexuality Info Dump

So because a friend of mine didn't know what comp het was and their internet history is monitored by their parents so they can't just use google, I'm doing a very quick research dive and giving you guys the results in case there are others out there who are in the same situation. I'll also be tagging blogs bigger than me because again, there might be fellow queers out their who are in the same boat as my friend and I want them to have access to this information.

So what is compulsory heterosexuality (or comp het)?

Comp het is in essence the societal belief and enforcement of being straight.

What does this mean?

In basic form it means that the only options presented to everyone, from the moment of birth, is that of a cis, amatonormative, heterosexual lifestyle.

You are given two gender options, these gender options determine the two roles you're allowed to fulfill, husband and wife, and you are told that these two roles are what will make you happy and are what you are supposed to strive for.

Meaning society, if you are born AFAB, tells you you're going to one day get married, it's going to be a boy, and this is what will make you happy. Almost everything in life is then seen through this lens. How attractive your are, how you are supposed to talk, how you're supposed to behave, etc is all considered through the lens of if a man will be attracted to you.

On the flip side, if you are born AMAB society tells you there are roles you have to fulfill as well. You are told you will one day want a wife, that you have to be able to have a job to provide for her, that you have to behave in a certain emotional way to be strong for her, that if the things you like are too feminine well then you're gay or a girl which is a problem because at the end of the day you're supposed to want the girl-fiance-wife.

This literally just sounds like the patriarchy.

Yes, it does, because it's caused by it. Nowadays people commonly know about compulsory heterosexuality from the Lesbian Masterdoc, but the term actually originated by Adrienne Rich in 1980.

Adrienne Rich in her article Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence put forward three ideas, 1) that heterosexuality and lesbianism were institutions themselves/possible political ideologies, 2) that heterosexuality as a system if not constantly maintained and upheld would eventually crumble and 3) that heterosexuality as a system could be opted out of and actively fought against whether or not you were actually attracted to women/non-women.

This is very different from the way we currently think of and define those terms, I am aware of that, but her point does still stand to some degrees that comp het, cisnormativity and amatonormativity all crumble when we stop rigidly enforcing the structures that uphold them, i.e., the patriarchy, misogyny, classism, and racism.

Ok but like what does that actually look like?

It can look like a lot of things, for a lot of different people. In the Lesbian Masterdoc you see comp het presented from a straightforward lesbian lens (of a 19 year old figuring out and defining their own sexuality guys, I'm not gonna sit here and critique it and rip it to death, go do that somewhere else).

This is therefore presented through things like women/non-women who were raised/socialized as women possibly having crushes on men, but they're always unattainable in some way (celebrities, fictional, someone real but they wouldn't actually ever be able to truly be in a relationship with, etc). It might also show up for lesbians as liking the idea of a man but being uncomfortable when one actually wants to move forward in the process. Or even sometimes it might show up as sexual fantasies with men but they're faceless, they're more an idea, or you're actually viewing another woman sleeping with him.

This presentation of comp het has made a lot of bi/pan/mspec people uncomfortable because they feel they too have experiencing comp het and when reading the Lesbian Masterdoc it's presented as if experiencing this is a straight shot towards being a lesbian.

And they're right that comp het isn't experienced by just lesbians. For mspecs who present feminine/as women this could be in the feeling that they have to dress a certain way to be presentable, but presentable is based on appealing to men. This can mean something as simple as women are expected to wear makeup, always, regardless of if they're looking to seek men's attention or not, because that's the base standard.

For mspecs who present masculine this can look like the inability to express themselves in an overly emotional manner because that doesn't make them "strong" and if they're not "strong" then they won't attract women, and that's what they're supposed to be doing.

For mspecs in general that can look like their queer looking relationships to be seen as a phase even if their mspec-ness is respected because of course they're eventually going to get married to a man/woman.

This can affect polyamorous cishet people in that they're seen as doing heterosexuality wrong because you're supposed to have the one partner and the 2.5 kids.

This can affect aspecs because they're told they'll never truly feel fulfilled if they don't have that boyfriend/girlfriend/partner to love them in a way that's so special nothing else could match up.

This affects all of us guys is my point.

How is this helpful to me?

Well for sapphics and lesbians (or sapphics/mspecs confused on if they are actually lesbians) this can be a helpful concept to consider because it can help you determine what relationships you truly want to pursue, which is the main point I feel is to be gained from the Lesbian Masterdoc. As she's put it "it's way more important to ask yourself if you can be truthfully happy with a man than if you’re attracted to them"

So if you're a sapphic who experiences attraction to men but you honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider the idea of comp het.

If you're Achillean the opposite of this can be true, if you've been attracted to women before but honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider whether comp het is working on you.

For mspecs this can be a helpful term to throw over the table back at your parents when they ask when you're going to get a "real relationship".

This can be a helpful term to consider when asking "am I forcing myself to wear mascara because I feel this is the only way I look presentable or do I actually like mascara."

Or it can be a helpful concept to look back on when undermining our internalized ideals of misogyny, towards ourselves and others.

This is a helpful term to put in our tool boxes to talk about the harm the systems of patriarchy, classism, and racism impose upon us.

Comp het can help us to understand why so many people look down on polyamory as a legitimate way of life.

It can be a helpful term for aspecs who are trying to figure out if they really want to date/have sex, or if they just believe these are the only things that will make you happy.

In general

Compulsory heterosexuality is just another term to describe a system we are all intimately familiar with. But by giving us the words to describe our experiences, it gives us the power to communicate those experiences more effectively, and to possibly understand why we're experiencing them.

This is just a bare basic knowledge post.

Honestly if you have the ability to, as in your internet history is not monitored in the way my friend's is, I encourage you to go on the deep dive through the sources listed below. Many of them are honestly only 30 pages long, that's a relatively short read, and understanding queer theory like this not only helps you to understand your own identity, but the ways in which you are connected to the rest of the fellow queer community.

Sources

Lesbian Masterdoc

Queer Theory 101: Compulsory Heterosexuality

Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence

Normativities Defined

Taglist

I'm tagging blogs bigger than me so that this has an easier time getting passed around as I mainly talk about aspec issues because I am aspec, but as stated above, I wanted to make sure that queer people who's internet histories are monitored and are only able to find information through tumblr safely could do so.

@our-queer-experience @our-sapphic-experience @our-lesbian-experience @our-aspec-experience @our-polyamorous-experience @our-pansexual-experience @our-unlabelled-experience @our-aroace-experience @our-mspec-experience @our-questioning-experience @our-bisexual-experience

[fixing-bad-posts]

Heya, I really really hope this doesn't come off as particularly rude, but I was wondering, why would bisexual women be considered lesbians sometimes and I think you also brought up transgender men and genderqueer ppl? For bisexual women, I just am kinda confused, they can be in lesbian relationships and lesbian spaces, but just describing them as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction at least from where I've always heard it, so wouldn't it be kinda confusing. And for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn't that just bring their genders closer to feminine and at least from what I've heard from some pple I know, they don't like non binary being seen as more womanly (I've heard it being described as woman-lite before annoying) and instead seen as a more inbetween which it sometimes isn't, because of bigotry and other things since nbs can be both fem or masc or androgynous, but wouldn't non woman lesbians kinda push it to be seen as kinda more fem or that person as more fem? I don't know and frankly I'm just kinda confused. I'm really really sorry that this probably comes off as super rude and I hope you forgive me. I frankly just want to learn a little more and have been reading up but wanted to know what you thought. And I just realized how long this was, so so sorry

hello anon! these days, i usually don’t answer asks like these because i’ve already done so several times, but you seem very well-meaning and confused, so i’ll do my best to help. first of all, please check my faq for resources and links about mspec labels and bi lesbians.

second of all—generally—here is my advice for when you encounter a queer label that confuses you:

1) literally just ignore it until you...

2) meet someone in your life who uses that label, at which point you might (respectfully) ask them what using that label means to them specifically, and why it’s important. i’ve done this in real life. the script is something like,

“it’s really cool to get to talk to someone in real life about this stuff—if i may ask, what does identifying as [insert label] mean to you, personally?”

you might also say,

“i’ve never met someone who identifies with [their label] before. would you mind giving me some pointers on the important things to keep in mind in order to respect your identity/make sure you feel respected by me?”

i’ve also never asked anyone to correct me if i mess up and say something rude, but i’m working on the confidence and charisma to be able to say that, because i owe that to others.

all of that said, i wanted to respond to some of your specific questions, and clarify a couple of things below the cut. to clarify:

1. “describing [bisexual women] as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction”. to be clear i am not the one describing bisexual women as lesbians, in this hypothetical situation. when i post about bi-lesbians, i am posting in support of people who—for whatever reason—chose that label for themselves. what i am not doing: advocating to redefine the classically understood definition of lesbian for the entire populous.

2. “wouldn’t it be kinda confusing”? yes! i understand it can be confusing, and i commend you for expressing your confusion instead of reacting in disgust or anger. there are so many things in the queer community that are confusing, even to me, and you don’t need to feel guilty for asking questions as long as you come from a place of genuine curiosity. being confused isn’t bad, and defining yourself in a way that confuses others is, likewise, no transgression.

3. “for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn’t [identifying as a lesbian] just bring their genders closer to feminine […] wouldn’t non woman lesbians […] be seen as kinda more fem”? the answer is: sort of. it depends entirely on how and why the person using this label came to these words. you wrote, “i’ve heard from some pple i know, they don’t like non binary being seen as more womanly”, and i have definitely also heard that! so, for people who feel that way, they probably wouldn’t want a label that evokes womanhood and/or aligns them with femininity assigned to them. but every person is different—so for some nonbinary people, they absolutely do not want to be seen as “woman-lite”, whereas for other nonbinary people, they might want to be seen closer to femme than masc, while still nonbinary. this goes back to what i said at the beginning: best practice is to ask the people in your life how they want you to respect them.

closing thoughts: i hope this clarified some things, but i understand that the topic may still be confusing—feel free to message me if you want a non-judgmental queer to talk things through with. i promise i’ll take you in good faith <3

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey, I really appreciate your answering sex ed questions and was hoping you might be able to help me out. Sorry for the long tmi I'm about to give but I don't know how to ask this except by listing out everything relevant I can think of.

I'm afab (cis-ish in the sense I don't particularly see myself as a woman but don't bother trying to get other people not to, but that isn't really important here) in my mid 20s and a virgin, and I don't know much about sex drive but what I do makes me feel like maybe there's something off about mine? I used to consider myself bi ace until I realised I did feel some degree of physical attraction to women that I don't to men so now I call myself a lesbian but the attraction I feel is still very... vague? Like, I'll see a pretty woman and get some kind of rush of feeling, but it's not really a particularly physical feeling of arousal (though I am autistic so it could be I just don't recognise it as physical because of interoception difficulties), more like... sorry if this is an inappropriate metaphor but. More like the urge to pet a really cute cat. I've made out with women and it felt vaguely nice (certainly nicer than with men which I've also done but it was awkward and vaguely uncomfortable) but no more than that. I don't get anything from my physical partners biting down on my neck or nipples or other common erogenous zones though I feel like they expect me to, and kissing is kind of nice but kissing with tongue feels awful. I'm not sure if I'd ever actually want to have full on sex, the thought of letting someone near my sex organs sounds unpleasant. I sometimes masturbate by rubbing my clit and there's a moment that feels like a climax where it gets really hard and sensitive and I used to think that was an orgasm but reading your recent description of an orgasm I'm actually pretty sure I've never had one. I've never had the urge to stick anything in my vagina, only tried it because I heard if it causes pain it might be a cause for medical concern (it didn't cause pain - it felt kinda nice, not anything special though and certainly not something I'd do without prompting). When I masturbate there's only one specific non sexual scenario that gets me off (though maybe about once a year at most I can successfully get off to sexual scenarios with fictional characters but never with real people and it isn't as effective). I used to masturbate more than I do now (I know it dropping off suddenly can be a cause for medical concern but it wasn't sudden, just spikes of activity getting gradually shorter and rarer - I can think of months when I'd do it every night to fall asleep but those are very much outliers scattered across the years rather than my baseline, which is occasionally doing it absentmindedly while falling asleep but very rarely intensely and on purpose). I probably should have sought out more sex ed at some point but sex just never felt very important to me.

Anyway I guess my question is. Is all this normal? Am I actually ace after all? Do I just have a low sex drive? Is any of this cause for medical concern? Do you have any idea how I might be able to actually get an orgasm, if what I thought was that actually wasn't?

hi anon,

all of this is incredibly normal. what I'm hearing is that you kind of like kissing women and aren't particularly interested in sex? that's awesome. kissing women is great, strongly recommend, and if that's all you're interested in then that's just dandy. no need to pretend to enjoy anything just because a partner expect you to; a polite "no thanks" will suffice, followed by kicking your partner to the curb if they don't listen to the no.

whether or not you call yourself asexual is up to you, that's none of my business and I can't pick for you. there actually isn't a secret barcode hidden somewhere on your body that will reveal your Real True Sexuality, you can just pick whatever words you want that kind of get the gist at any given time. would calling yourself asexual feel nice or helpful to you in anyway? if so, awesome! does it not appeal to you at all? okie dokie! don't do that then.

literally nothing you have described sounds like something that would be cause for medical concern, unless I missed something that's regularly causing you any physical pain or discomfort.

I think focusing on orgasms isn't that important, actually, and you can actually just touch yourself in whatever way you want for as long as it feels good, and then stop when it doesn't!

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

Should you write it? Uh, please do!😭🥴😩 as a corporate girlie I would love me some Office!Ghost tbh, maybe you’re from another agency working intel on a joint operation w 141 and he gets a kick our of teasing you bc you’re such a stark contrast with your cute lil briefcase and the business casual dresses, totally not used to working literally on site surrounded by all these military/law enforcement men you usually do work for behind the scenes in the safety of your office

PAIRING: Office! Ghost/Co-Worker! Ghost x F! Reader 

WARNINGS: that particular kind of tacit sexual tension you find in corporate Britain || sexy eye contact from across the bullpen || filthy language || 18+ only

A/N:  corporate girlies unite! || anon is referring to this post || i tried to do the prompt as it was but realised that I know nothing about how the military works :) but this is fiction, so we ball, I hope you like it anon! I have no idea where this fic going, please help :)))

Part 1 of 4 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4

***

It starts simple before it gets complicated, as these things tend to do.

There are exactly two things that keep you motivated in this job—the smoke breaks you take 5 times a day, and the off-chance of seeing Ghost around the base.  That’s it.  Two things.

And one of those was being ruined by your newest friend’s lack of enthusiasm for the other thing.

“I bet he's blond.”

Simon just takes a deep drag of his cigarette, looking at you with the distinctively irritated side eye that he gives you about 12 times a day.

“Ask me why I think he's blond.”

“No.”

But you’re undeterred.  “He just has that energy, you know.  I’ve only ever seen him with MacTavish, and he stands there like a tall, sexy, dumb…tree.  Like, I bet he’s fucking gorgeous, but he’s also giving blond himbo.”

Simon’s eyes roll up to the sky in irritation.  “I dunno what himbo means.”

“Yeah you do.  You said you’ve worked with Ghost before.”

You almost want to perform a pirouette in joy at getting Simon to finally look at you.  “N’ what of it?”

“Then you know what a himbo is.  It’s Ghost.”

You don’t even try to contain your manic laughter when Simon just about turns and leaves.         

***

What Simon doesn’t understand (the cantankerous bastard) is that you’ve made eye contact with Ghost a few times around the base.  The man is more elusive than average, even in this line of work.  His presence around the base is...well.  Entirely consistent with his moniker.  The man is a ghost.  

Sometimes you wonder if it’s all really performative, but something about the way he moves in the spaces around him leads you to conclude that maybe he’s omnipresent after all.  He'll catch your attention from the periphery of your vision, only to disappear when you try to actively seek him out.  He melts into the background of wherever he looms, like a shadow. (Or a Ghost).  There and not there, all at once.

And on the rare occasions you’ve seen him around, he keeps to himself.  Not surprising, given everything you know about him (which isn't a lot), but what is interesting to you is the way he looks at you.  And when he’s around, he does look at you.

You can't say you mind, considering you look at him too.  Even after all these years working with big, handsome, massive men and women, day in and day out, you still can't say you've gotten used to it.  And you could never be used to someone like Ghost.  

But then there’s Simon.  The other man you’re finding yourself increasingly attracted to.  

They tell you he’s only there temporarily and as punishment.  You can't even begin to imagine who could (and would even dare to) punish the big grump.  You don’t actually know why he’s being punished with desk duty, and even if you wanted to, you have no way of finding out.  He won’t tell you, and neither will your supervisor. 

More importantly, you decide, you couldn’t care less. 

Simon’s punishment means that your week has suddenly become very, very interesting.  The mood around the office is different while Simon sits at your absentee colleague’s desk.  People are quieter around him—uneasy and the slightest bit put off by his brutish nature. But you can’t deny that there is something about Simon, something you can’t quite seem to put your finger on.  The man is just...effortlessly sexy.  

You sit across the room from him, but facing him, and so every time you look up, he’s there.  The height of the desks combined with the height of this mammoth man mean that you can’t see his entire face, but his eyes stick out from the top of the desk partition, and it’s enough to create…issues for you. 

Five days ago, when you'd walked into the office, and noticed a stranger on Davis’ seat, you hadn't actually known it was him.  He was just...some guy.  A nose that looked like it had spent more time being broken than not, wicked scars running down his face and into his lips, mean-looking but with the most expressive brown eyes.  And then your supervisor introduced him to your team as Simon.  And that was it.  Thus had begun your love affair with permanent arousal. 

You must be one of Pavlov’s dogs with how you’ve been conditioned to associate the feeling of his eyes on your face with wetness between your legs.  It’s mercilessly constant and you’re left feeling achy and unsatisfied every day, having to content yourself with rubbing your thighs together for some much needed relief.  And through it all, Simon just watches you.

You know he’s interested.  And he must know of your reciprocity, because your traitor face gives it away, and because his interest is quickly replaced by smugness.  

During a brief stint of temporary insanity, you consider confronting him about it.  But what would you even say?   So sorry, Simon, you big, scary, grouch, but would you just please hit this and we can both call it a day and I can move on to making heart eyes at Ghost again? Hehe, no.

But you’re stubborn to a fault, so you befriend him (albeit with you doing most of the hard work in your “friendship”) and downplay your attraction, while he pretends he doesn’t spend most of the day making bedroom eyes at you.  Win-win.

And if you end up carrying an extra pair of panties in your purse, then it’s not like he needs to know about it.

****

Taglist: @devcica || @kneelingshadowsalome || @tiredmetalenthusiast || @xintothewoodswegox || @miyabilicious ||

[fangirleaconmigo]

for 'I can't believe it's canon', what about Jaskier/Dandelion's youthful looks? I know it's common fanon to make him at least part elf or fae or some other type of creature to explain the longevity, but i think in canon he's just like that? Babyfaced?

Hello dear! Ok, so,

Dandelion's looks and longevity/(and potential elven lineage) in the books, now with English and original Polish versions.

Alright, in order to answer this ask, I conferred with the wonderful and helpful @cherrypoison1889, who is Polish and has the books and is willing to indulge my obsessive absurdity.

(In my post about Geralt and Religion, I put out a request for any Polish fan of the books who wouldn't mind me bothering them with silly and ridiculous questions occasionally to get in touch. Cherry was kind enough to dm me.)

Basically, my meta has powered up. XD I now have a partner in crime. I am going to include our conversations about the words used in the original Polish and in the English translation to describe Dandelion.

We are just having very silly fun here, this isn't academic or anything pls my god, if you want academic or authoritative consult a doctor (phd in languages and whatnot). This is just fun, that's all.

Ok, so we know Dandelion looks young for his age.

In The Blood of Elves, which takes place AFTER the first two short story collections, Djikstra says that Dandelion looks like he is in his late twenties, even though he is in his late thirties. Here is what he says.

"...I know you're almost forty, look almost thirty, think you're just over twenty, and act as though you're barely ten."

So he looks a good ten years younger than he is and This is in Blood of Elves, which for TWN fans is around S2.

We also know he is a 'pretty boy'.

Dandelion is called pretty, by the narrative and other characters.

When Angoulême is being interrogated in The Tower of Swallows, and she is asked who Geralt is traveling with, she describes Dandelion like this....

"...a comely fellow called Dandelion, who's a troubadour, and carries a lute."

So she uses the term comely, which in English is typically usually used to describe women. I think that's the first time I've heard that word used to describe an adult man. Here's how Oxford dictionary defines it:

Comely: pleasant to look at; attractive (typically used of a woman).

So to me, this implies a pretty boy and yes the baby face.

I asked Cherry about what the Polish word is, and here is their answer:

Angouleme calls Jaskier "Przystojniak" in Polish, which is colloquial of Handsome Fellow (see also the word Przystojny, which means Handsome). This word is generally used only to describe men, but has been, in the past, also applied to women

So, there is some subtle gender-y stuff going on in that translation, but either way, he is considered good looking.

Then I asked Cherry about whether Dandelion is really often mistaken for an elf. There is a passage in the English translation that suggests that he is, but the wording in English is a bit ambiguous and slightly awkward.

In the process, Cherry and I found that there is a word in that section that changes pretty significantly in translation, suggesting again that he is very pretty.

Dandelion and longevity or elven lineage:

As far as his longevity, there is never at indication that he is part elf except that sometimes he is mistaken for an elf. The English translation implies that this is because of his style, but the original Polish implies it is his pretty face as well.

In Baptism of Fire, Geralt and Dandelion are in a forest, caught in a thunderstorm. They happen near a group of men who are waiting to meet elves and the men call to them:

"Over here, Master Elves!"

Geralt is not surprised by this mistake, as visibility is low, and they are both wrapped in grey elven mantels. Also, apparently, this is a regular occurrence for Dandelion. The book says:

"As far as the foppish Dandelion was concerned, he was regularly mistaken for an elf or a half-elf, particularly since he had begun wearing his hair shoulder-length and taken up the habit of occasionally curling it with tongs."

Ok, so, the English translation uses the phrase 'as far as...Dandelion was concerned', which could mean two different things. It could mean "regarding Dandelion," or "according to Dandelion." So I asked Cherry what it says in Polish.

fangirleaconmigo

So that phrase in english could basically say that dandelion WAS regularly mistaken for an elf

OR OR OR

it could mean that he CLAIMS he is regularly mistaken for an elf

cherrypoison1889

So, in Polish it is that Dandelion is often mistaken for an elf or half-elf.

fangirleaconmigo

ok, so it isn't that he claims it, but that he IS mistaken for an elf.

ok perfect. thank you.

cherrypoison1889

As in, it's other's opinion that he looks like an elf

Then, Cherry asked me about the word foppish, and we realized that the original word in Polish has quite different connotations!

Foppish, in English, generally refers to a man who is "concerned with one's clothes and appearance in an affected and excessive way." (Oxford dictionary)

So, an English speaker sees this word as a commentary on Dandelion's vanity and clothing. But actually the Polish word is different. Here is what Cherry said:

cherrypoison1889

In Polish it's "Gładysz", which means someone with a smooth, unblemished visage (see also the word Gładki, which means smooth)

fangirleaconmigo

the word they translated to foppish?

cherrypoison1889

Yep, that's the word. So, 1 count for Dandy being called a pretty pretty boy <3

fangirleaconmigo

haha that's awesome thank you

cherrypoison1889

So in english, you could say he's described slightly more pejoratively?

fangirleaconmigo

foppish it's less about his attractiveness and more about his own vanity or obsession with appearance.

just stylish and vain basically

you could see that negatively, as interest in appearance is often looked down upon in men, (eta: unfairly of course, in macho cultures, not by me obviously) but not everyone does see it as negative. but yes, it has more potential for negative implications

cherrypoison1889

Just looked it up in a dictionary, apparently Gładysz also means someone who is nice, i.e. kind

So in Polish it's just he's a sweet pretty boy uwu

fangirleaconmigo

ah interesting! so the original word has better implications all around

that's so cute

cherrypoison1889

Baby boy baby

So, there is no conclusive evidence for Dandelion being part elven, other than just the fact that he is mistaken for one. He is a pretty pretty boy who looks young for his age.

But since he looks like an elf, there's a bit of fertile ground to headcanon it. It's not canon but it's a reasonable use or extrapolation of canon! Would he even know if he were like a quarter elf? Who knows? We don't even know where Lettenhove is. Go crazy!

So, TWN accidentally not aging him turned out to be not too 'off canon'. And it is no surprise that he is often head-canoned as part elf.

Actually I think Hexer actually makes him part elf as well. Hell, I make him part elf in most of my fics.

So there's no canon evidence? But it's not an outrageous thing to headcanon or anything.

THANK YOU CHERRY FOR DOING THIS WITH ME. IT'S SO FUN BEING A NERD WITH YOU ABOUT TRANSLATIONS.

[saintlabrys]

Something I can't stand about this whole gender -fever or whataver is how it's cancelling/absorbing butch lesbian representation. I had been bullied my whole adolescence because of my appearance (tall and androgynous) and behaviour, I didn't have role models, mostly because many lesbian media were censored in the country in which I grew up and my family, because it belongs to a different culture, was a very conservative and traditional ones. Sometimes ago my mom told me she didn't even know homosexual people existed before moving from Albania. Growing up wasn't easy, I remember asking myself what was wrong with me and why I was a woman since everything would have been easier if I were born as a boy. That's why masc-butch representation is so dear to me and I'm angry about reinforcing gender stereotypes by saying that if you feel different from other girls you're probably not one. That's why I love Naoko Takeuchi, Creator of Sailor Moon, for stating that Haruka Tenoh (Sailor Uranus) is a girl

I love this mainly because western people want to portray her as non-binary/gender fluid or whatever just because she's very "masculine" (and also because of a manga panel, but I'll get there), I'm talking about her looking and hobbies. First of all... Androgynous women exists in real life, secondly there is no thing such as mainly hobbies but, yeah, I think I'll leave it for another post. Most people also ignore the fact that Haruka and Michiru were hugely based on Takarazuka Revue, since Takeuchi is a huge fan of it, In The Materials Collection, published in 1999, Takeuchi also revealed Haruka and Michiru were inspired by two actresses in particular but she didn't want to share their names.

What's Takarazuka review? Takarazuka Revue is a Japanese all-female musical theater that was founded in 1913. as an all-female troupe in order to attract a wider audience and fill a gap in the male-dominated theater scene. There are two kinds of actress in their plays: musumeyaku and otokoyaku. Musumeyaku are the ones who play feminine roles, while otokoyaku play the masculine ones. In order to become an otokoyaku you must have certain qualities, such as being tall. Haruka is 5'10" (180cm) and described as androgynous and act "manly". That's why Usagi and Minako when they met her they thought she was a man. Otoyaku, while training, also need to study how to "behave like a man", this comes from an article published in the late 90s:

As I said otoyaku, the majority of them at least, only play male roles, and as we said Takarazuka was born to fight a male-dominated scene. However, there's more, in the same article they spoke of otokoyaku's appeal on female audience:

Furthermore, this is what a former otokoyaku said about what being a otokoyaku really means:

Otokoyaku are the idealization of men played by women who knows what other women want!! Since Haruka character is mostly based on this idealization, this is what Takeuchi meant when in the manga she had michiru saying Haruka is "both a man and a woman", I hate seeing how this phrase is used as a gotcha by gendies when they don't even consider the social and cultural contest behind a certain media.

[decadentworld]

My headcanons about the boys (Billy, Eddie, Steve, Jonathan)’s sexual orientations and how that comes into play in a relationship with Reader (male reader).

※ This post is only meant for fanfiction purposes.

※ Short version first, longer thoughts after the cut.

※ Work available only on Tumblr and under ArchiveOfOurOwn pseud of the same name (DecadentWorld). Do not repost, edit, or redistribute. Do not use for TikTok videos.

Steve

※ Bisexual with equal preference towards men and women.

Eddie

※ Gay. Sorry, hellcheer enjoyers. I have nothing against the ship. I just can’t see Eddie as anything other than exclusively homosexual.

Jonathan

※ Bi-demisexual with preference towards men.

Billy

※ Gay. I’m sort of ambivalent about him and can sometimes see him as bisexual if written right, but I prefer to think of him as closeted/repressed homosexual.

※ Under the cut are some more extended thoughts.

※ Trigger warnings: Mention of grooming (Karen Wheeler towards Billy Hargrove). Child physical and verbal abuse (Neil Hargrove towards Billy Hargrove, Lonnie Byers towards Jonathan and Will Byers). Mentions of death due to overdosing. Religious trauma.

※ Content and warnings: Homophobia. Internalized homophobia. Mentions of (all of the following unrequited and not acted upon): Steve Harrington/Jonathan Byers, Steve Harrington/Billy Hargrove, Eddie Munson/Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove/Eddie Munson, Jonathan Byers/Argyle.

Steve

※ I picture him as bisexual, but as him having only recently discovered this about himself.

※ I imagine he would be in denial at first.

※ He would try to take ‘refuge’ in sex with girls, which is familiar to him.

※ Which is something that, to him, feels great. Truly.

※ But. There’s always going to be that tiny splotch of curiosity in his head. Like an interrogation sign following his line of thought every time he catches himself staring at a particularly attractive male celebrity in a movie for too long.

※ His bisexual awakening can’t be pinpointed into one man, but three in particular.

※ The most notorious one was Billy. But the first one was, surprisingly, Jonathan.

※ Obviously, in the heat of the fight, there was no room for any other thoughts than to beat Jonathan within an inch of his life.

※ But after all is said and done, after Steve gets his act together and tries to be a better person, he starts having thoughts.

※ Confused thoughts, remorseful thoughts. Thoughts that leave him disgusted with himself because why would he start thinking about that fight as anything other than a necessary reality check for him.

※ Why does he get a different kind of chills when he recalls Jonathan overpowering him? No, not overpowering him. Just… lying on him at all.

※ It was the first time Steve’s ever considered himself anything other than wound up by a physical fight.

※ And Billy.

※ Dear God. Billy.

※ If Jonathan was the inception, Billy was the confirmation.

※ The way he looked, the way he carried himself. Even the douchebag way he treated Steve was so different from anything he’d ever experienced. And he was curious.

※ Only much later could Steve understand there was more to Billy. Only after it is too late does Steve understand Billy’s reasons, Steve’s own fault in Billy acting the way he did at the Byers’ house.

※ Only when it’s too late does Steve start experiencing that feel of wanting to protect, ever since El had vaguely mentioned that Billy had a Papa too. That’s enough for Steve to understand.

※ He feels guilty. Angry. Not at Billy, not for this. At his father. At his environment.

※ But… it isn’t just the need to protect him from his environment? It’s also wanting to hold him? To be close to him?

※ Steve has always had conflicting thoughts about many things, but the idea that he’s always been attracted to Billy Hargrove wreaks havoc in his mind.

※ He can’t do anything now. It’s too late, because Billy’s left Hawkins as soon as he was discharged from the hospital.

※ Steve worries about him now and then, wonders if he even had enough money, if the Camaro was even functional at this point, how he’ll afford housing in (probably) California.

※ He calms himself by thinking the government had a hand in that.

※ And then you arrive.

※ Jonathan was the inception, Billy was the confirmation, and you are the execution.

※ Steve has seldom found people who he considers bigger than life. Billy wasn’t one of them.

※ You are.

※ The way you look like you could snap anyone in half, but still choose to be a nice person, has him immediately hooked.

※ His previous thoughts lead him to the shaky confirmation that yes. This is attraction to men.

※ But how is that possible? He can’t be gay. He likes girls.

※ Robin knocks some sense into him, obviously.

※ “It’s called being bisexual, Stevie. Like Bowie. Are you living under a rock?”

※ Huh.

※ It’s a long, very long way until Steve accepts that he wants to spend time with you as more than friends.

※ Even then, he doesn’t have the same amount of courage to come onto you the way he does with girls.

※ Luckily, he doesn’t have to, since you’re the one to make the first move.

※ The first time you ask him out, he refuses out of panic. And leaves. Running.

※ He shuffles his feet back to you the very next day, with a very dark blush on his face. Says he didn’t know why he panicked.

※ So he asks you to try again.

※ The second time you ask him out, he looks jittery, but agrees.

※ Only on the condition that it’s a private affair.

※ “Obviously,” you tell him. You know just how much his life would be ruined if anyone —if his parents, God forbid— found out about this.

※ And you’re now Steve’s Harrington’s first boyfriend. First everything with a man.

Billy

※ I’m slightly impartial about Billy’s sexual orientation.

※ I can sometimes see him as bisexual, but I’m more leaning onto the theory that he’s a repressed homosexual, so I’ll develop this latter one.

※ Billy is so conflicted with what he feels.

※ And who wouldn’t be in his situation? He has only learnt violence.

※ Never love.

※ Billy strikes me as someone who just does not enjoy sex with women. At all.

※ Everytime he does have sex with women, it’s just part of the mask. He knows that the more women talk about him, about his sexual prowess, the more ears will turn and the more possibilities he will have that he will not be mistaken with a queer.

※ Especially if his father is listening to this gossip.

※ Billy did not have one man in particular as his sexual awakening. There were many.

※ Most of them were in California.

※ Billy was often startstruck with how handsome and bright the surfer boys were.

※ He just didn’t know it was ‘bad’ to be a ‘queer’. There was so much acceptance of ‘queers’ in there.

※ Which is the reason why Neil found out so quickly about his son “being one of them queers” when Billy, so innocently and still full of life, walked down the beach hand in hand with another boy —a new friend, not even a little boyfriend— of his same age.

※ Betty Hargrove could somehow disregard the verbal abuse her own son was getting from Neil. However, she left the second he turned on her. (Sorry, Billy’s mom’s defenders, but a mother who abandons her son with his abuser just does not strike me as a good person at all.)

※ Billy just doesn’t know when his ‘punishment’ for being ‘queer’ will stop, if it ever will:

It starts with Neil bringing Susan and Maxine Mayfield in not even two months after his mom leaves;

it continues with moving them all to Bumfuck, Indiana soon after;

it keeps going day after day, with hit after hit, even when Billy shows himself with a different girl every week.

(Billy knows it’s not all about him being queer anymore.)

※ All of this plays an important role in Billy’s self-deprecation in general, in the way he sees being queer.

※ So his walls keep hardening. On and on. Until he’s unrecognizable from the innocent boy who would carelessly walk down the beach with another boy.

※ This mask he has built for himself, of a living hazard towards other men, a womanizer for the women, is not as sturdy.

※ There are moments when the cracks start to show.

※ Karen Wheeler’s predatory behavior almost has him reverting into a scared boy at times, as much as he’s able to hide it. She’s the reason why he starts being even more disgusted with himself when he has to keep this charade of being a ladies’ man.

※ There are, however, other moments when these cracks in the mask feel like freedom, a prisoner catching sunrays from between the bars, but it’s a dangerous kind of freedom.

※ Those moments happen whenever Steve Harrington is nearby.

※ Billy’s not sure who starts it, but sparks fly off the first time they interact.

※ Except. Not in the way he’d like.

※ He knows he’s not a pleasant person to be around most of the time, sure, but Billy could swear he did his best to not scare off the guy.

※ Now that’s all he can do. It seems like the only way he can interact with Steve normally is by pulling at his metaphorical pigtails.

※ Even this is more than he could have asked for. An escape.

※ But then, the betrayal. Not that Steve owed him anything, or that he was obviously anyone in Steve’s radar, but finding his little (step) sister in this random house, under this guy’s ‘supervision’ feels like betrayal all the same. How dare he lie to Billy?

※ Everything is fuzzy after this. Hate, betrayal, terror, acceptance, and pure, unadulterated pain is all he can feel. Being used like a puppet, and torn open and sewn back together will do that to you.

※ The light at the end of the tunnel exists, but the train has to hit him first.

※ Neil finally disowns him and ditches Hawkins. Billy figures his sperm donor jumped at the first chance as soon as he learnt Billy was critical, and he’s not surprised. So Billy’s virtually homeless. At the very least, the government paid off his hospital bills and gave him a hefty sum for his involvement, so he’s going to be alright for his hospital stay.

※ (Susan visits him at the hospital exactly one time and unenthusiastically offers him to stay at their new trailer. Billy refuses. She doesn’t visit him anymore. Billy knows it was just a courtesy.)

※ No one visits him.

※ No one, except you.

※ Word runs fast in Hawkins, and as soon as you hear —from your workmate, who’s heard from his cousin, who’s heard from her father, who works with Susan Hargrove Mayfield— about Billy’s situation, you can’t do anything else but go see him.

※ Billy lets the unexpected visitor (you) enter his hospital room, and you don’t fault him for not immediately recognizing you. You shared many classes in high school, but you never approached him because you knew (or thought you knew) how much he saw other men as nothing more than competition.

※ The panorama changes now. No words need to be said for you to understand that there’s more than meets the eye.

※ “I know you.” Billy surprises you, and you can’t be anything else than elated that he does.

※ The fact that you’ve been harboring the biggest crush on him for ages has a lot to do with this.

※ But, of course, that’s not why you’re here. You store these feelings away and simply make him company.

※ You’re his only visitor. Billy thinks it’s going to be a one-off, but he’s —pleasantly— surprised to know that’s not the case.

※ Billy heals with you at his side. His hospital room was one breath away from becoming a mausoleum, but instead, with you in it, it becomes his sanctuary.

※ He doesn’t say this. Tries not to show it.

※ But you think you know what’s up. Even then, neither of you says anything about the growing tension, though it’s not a bad kind of tension. On the contrary. Because you know you’re only a few steps away from full-on loving him, but you can’t do that to him. Can’t take advantage of him like that, and you know his feelings are probably only that of a vulnerable person towards their caregiver.

※ The closer he’s ready for discharge, the more nervous he becomes, because he’s still virtually homeless. He shouldn’t be; you’re going to offer him to stay at yours for as long as he needs. Obviously.

※ Though, as you say this, you can’t help falling face-first in love with him. Because the way he breaks down, like you just gave him a piece of heaven, tells you he hasn’t had a single good thing in his life for a long time. Which is when you start turning nervous too, because this is simply too much power held over him.

※ Billy doesn’t think that. He just falls in love with you, at the same time you do.

※ Navigating life together without actually being together is hard. A couple months into this arrangement it’s very clear to you that what he’s clearly feeling is not simple attachment to a caregiver figure.

※ So you take a chance and make a move. And he responds in enthusiastic kind.

※ You teach him how to accept himself. You hold his hand through the storm. You teach him how to make amends; this last one is important to him, because, “No one’s ever said sorry to me for shit, so how am I s’posed to know how to apologize?”

※ And through you, his relationship with Max improves. Lucas offers an olive branch. The kids and even Steve start warming up to him, seeing how much he’s changed, now that he’s in a safe place and has started to heal.

Eddie

※ Eddie strikes me as the gayest unconfirmed gay to ever gay.

※ Seriously. Have you seen the guy? (Again, nothing against hellcheer.)

※ The bandana on his back pocket should be enough evidence. (The fact that it’s on the wrong side doesn’t mean anything. Shut up.)

※ Eddie’s known about himself for too long.

※ Long enough that his parents sort of did, too. If it hadn’t been for his mom’s OD and his dad’s GTA, he’s pretty sure he still wouldn’t have lasted three more months in that house.

※ Wayne is the biggest ally ever. As soon as he knew this little thirteen year-old boy was going to go into the system, he dropped everything and swooped in to take care of him.

※ Wayne clocks him from a mile away.

※ Eddie doesn’t say anything at first, but he knows Wayne knows, somehow.

※ And the fact that neither of them aren’t saying anything about it fills him with anxiety.

※ Eddie’s always had a negative vision of himself being queer, due to dear ol’ Randy and Bonnie Munson —ironically— giving him a Christian upbringing, but the more time that passes, the more he hates himself. Hates the idea of Hell and is terrified at the same time.

※ These thoughts lead him to closing himself off for a long time, before Wayne decides the elephant in the room is too big to ignore and simply says:

※ “Kid, you’re not gonna go to Hell.”

※ It’s as if Eddie deflates when he hears that.

※ It’s a slow process, full of ups and downs, but eventually, Wayne convinces him that there’s nothing wrong with being queer, that he’s not abnormal.

※ Eddie vaguely wonders why Wayne and Randy are so different, being that they both had the same upbringing.

※ Maybe Wayne’s a little bit gay, too.

※ So Eddie grows up with a supportive figure who allows him to be himself, dress how he wants, grow his hair, listen to whatever he wants without side-eyeing him, without implying he’s going to Hell because his music sounds ‘loud’ or ‘demonic’.

※ Eddie’s ways of expressing himself are so genuine it’s not a surprise they end up pissing off some less accepting people.

※ The first few times, Eddie reverts back into conforming, trying to not take up too much space in the room.

※ As time goes on, however, he understands that this’ll follow him on every step he takes, so he figures it’s not worth it. He is unashamedly himself.

※ He never comes out publicly, but the rumors that he’s queer will always be there.

※ One thing that Eddie can just not stand, is people calling him ‘Freak’.

※ Sure, he is unashamedly himself, but he still has his limits. He very much prefers when people call him ‘gay’, because at least that’s true.

※ It’s a long time until he closes in on himself again, and that moment arrives the first time he and Steve interact. Or, rather, Steve makes himself known.

※ His asshole friends, those Tommy and Carol who follow the King like his shadows, make life impossible for some seconds at a time every time they see him.

※ And Steve watches. Calls him “queer” and leaves after, every time.

※ Eddie is so ashamed to find out that, among that resentment he feels, there’s also yearning.

※ But Eddie won’t be so easily swayed by this, so he ups the ante. Is even more boisterous, makes himself a dangerous persona, but never falls into violent territory. He won’t stoop as low as his bullies.

※ Time passes and things change a lot in Hawkins. He notices a new family moving into the trailer park. He notices they were only two people at first in the trailer, but when the third one arrives after some months, his interest is piqued.

※ He knows this guy. Billy Hargrove. Eddie’s never approached him, lest he bear the brunt of his usual bad moods. He would’ve probably clocked Eddie as well, called him queer, knock him out a couple times for good measure.

※ At least, that’s what Eddie thinks high-school Billy would have done.

※ The Billy Hargrove he sees now looks like a shell of his former self.

※ Eddie yearns again. He so badly wants to be by this man’s side.

※ Unfortunately, not much time passes before he learns Billy Hargrove has left Hawkins. He doesn’t blame him.

※ Eddie finds his clique. Many years pass and he’s still in high school, and the only reason he tolerates it is because he knows he’ll have people to look forward to: his band and his little friends.

※ Then, the long chain of events happen in just the span of a few days, and his world is turned Upside Down.

※ He will always cry at the mention of Chrissy’s name. They could have been the best of friends, and he would’ve always given her a shoulder to cry on.

※ He still doesn’t know how or why he’s still alive. Maybe his dad was right. Maybe Hell was real, and he had to go through it, just as if he were made to face the divine tribulations.

※ That doesn’t matter now. What matters is that he’s now apparently given the access to Heaven with everything he’s had to go through. His charges are cleared, and even though some people are still in denial of this, no one dares to say otherwise.

※ And this is the part where he thinks he’s earnt Heaven. Because as he goes with his uncle to volunteer at the gym, he sees you, an absolute specimen of a man that almost makes him weak in the knees, helping prepare some meals.

※ Wayne almost laughs at how obvious Eddie’s being. “Why don’t you go make some sandwiches, kid? I’ll be right over here.” And subtly pushes him towards you, making him splutter and making you look up at the noise.

※ Eddie watches, almost besotted, as you introduce yourself to him. He blushes when he realizes he should answer something.

※ That’s not a problem to you. You’ve already started calling him ‘angel’ in your mind.

※ Time passes and Eddie’s falling more and more. But his earlier internalized thoughts are making the rounds again. He thinks you’ll only ever see him as a friend, and God forbid he ever shows himself as he is to you. He’ll totally lose you.

※ Silly boy. You’ve known he’s queer the entire time, only you’ve waited until you’re sure he’s feeling something similar to what you’re feeling to make a move.

※ And, oh, boy. The way he reacts has you halfway in love. He all but climbs you like an excited puppy. And the way he kisses you lets you know it’s his first one too, and isn’t that a thought.

Jonathan

※ Jonathan has known he’s a bit queer all his life.

※ He didn’t have a specific man as his sexual awakening. He’s just sort of known all along.

※ Obviously, living with this knowledge under Lonnie’s yoke is not easy.

※ For some unfortunate reason, it’s Will who bears the brunt of their father’s verbal lashings.

※ And Jonathan can’t stand it. He wants to be there for his brother, but he doesn’t know how he can possibly show his support as long as they live in this house.

※ Luckily, as soon as they’re all out, they can start healing. Even then, the scars of their upbringing are too big to ignore.

※ Jonathan keeps his attraction to men to himself throughout life.

※ The fact that he’s an outcast at school wears him down even more.

※ Let’s not even talk about the time Will’s gone. He’s a mess.

※ One of the hardest lessons in life for Jonathan is that everything that has to turn out wrong, turns out wrong in the end. Steve Harrington outing him as a ‘creep’ and breaking his camera is part of that lesson.

※ There’s something about Steve that has Jonathan’s thoughts going haywire. He hates the guy, but… there’s something else there, too. Jonathan has to put this foreboding feeling aside for the time being, seeing the following events that play out.

※ One of the most notorious events is the brutal fight he has with Steve.

※ The guy completely deserves it! Jonathan is firm in this belief.

※ But when Steve tries to improve himself, he has those same initial thoughts.

※ Why is he turning that fight over in his head so much?

※ Something must be wrong with him, clearly.

※ Jonathan loves Nancy. He does. At least at first. She’s his first in everything, and they have an understanding.

※ As more time passes, though, it’s clear that both of them have strayed away from each other. It hurts that she doesn’t understand his point of view, but he concedes that it’s clear he, in turn, doesn’t understand her point of view.

※ Their break-up is nothing big. It’s very obvious that it’s been a long time coming. He’s just glad they both reached that same conclusion at the same time, else they be caught in a future loveless marriage.

※ Especially when he tells her that he won’t follow her to Emerson.

※ Jonathan is very sure that he felt love for her. Attraction, even. But as he briefly heals from this same separation, he starts giving thought to previous happenings in his life.

※ The fight with Steve being the most prominent one.

※ Why is he still thinking of that?

※ Maybe it was the fact that it was the first time he got all close and personal with another male.

※ Even if it was in a fist-fight kind of context.

※ But he thinks of other instances apart from that one. All of them revolving around Steve.

※ The Halloween party at Tina’s. How… surprisingly handsome he found him that time.

※ Steve breaking his camera. The mortification, but, underneath that… the little thrill he got at seeing Steve so collected, so authoritative. Trying to put him in his place.

※ Yeah. There’s something very fucked up in Jonathan’s head.

※ Steve trying to make things right. This one, he thinks makes more sense. A subdued Steve was almost like a relief to him. Meant he wouldn’t be harassed as much.

※ It also meant he would also try to be more amicable to Jonathan.

※ Jonathan finds himself partial to these thoughts. But he can’t think of Steve like this anymore. Or, rather, should have never thought of Steve like this. He considers Steve sort of an awkward friend, and he’s too afraid to break that fine ice they’re both constantly stepping on.

※ So, with all this, it’s not really a surprise to Jonathan when he starts having thoughts about another one of his male friends, but it makes him feel guilty all the same.

※ Argyle is so different to Steve. He’s funny, effortlessly charming in a way that’s so contrasting to Steve, and considerate. Not to mention he sells Jonathan the best weed in miles around.

※ Plus, he’s tall. So tall.

※ Jonathan is slowly getting to two conclusions at the same time:

1. He has a type. That type is tall and bigger than him.

and

2. He’s finding out he likes men a lot more than women.

※ These two conclusions go hand in hand together.

※ The guilt swirls in lazy strokes on his chest. This feels so similar to Steve. He thinks he’s doing something very wrong by simply thinking of a male friend as something more.

※ After all, childhood scars are the hardest to heal.

※ He tries to withdraw, just a little bit, just until Argyle asks if he’s okay, if he’s still sad because he’s thinking of Nancy.

※ Yeah. Sure.

※ It isn’t until the new semester starts and he gets paired up with you for a project that the lid on his feelings starts weakening its hold.

※ Oh, he’s so fucked. The first time he sees you, he thinks: he’s so my type. Why do I have to go through this, again?

※ You’re easy-going, attuned to him, helpful.

※ And you’re tall. A lot taller than him. He almost has to strain his neck to look up at you.

※ He doesn’t know how that looks to you.

※ Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, due to the conflicting thoughts in his head, you’ve already starting thinking that he’s so small, so cute. He has to lift his head to look at you.

※ This college project drags on like molasses, except Jonathan finds it’s not the usual, not because it’s boring, because it should be something more challenging for his current level.

※ No. It’s because he and you have to actually gather at either of your houses.

※ Have to work next to each other. Share the same space. Try not to break due to the tangible tension you’re both aware of.

※ You’re very sure of what’s going on. A simple conversation that starts with your nonchalant: “Oh, did you know I’m into men?”, his spluttering reaction and subsequent shy answer of: “I… kinda am, too. That’s crazy,” eventually, but rapidly enough evolves into tentatively taking his hand, seeing the openness between the bashfulness and making a move.

※ His first time kissing a man makes him feel like he’s a whole different person.

※ A person he was always meant to be.

※ Small dates with you consolidate the idea that yeah, he’s a lot more into men.

[iravaid]

Once again gripped by the curse of having your own oc as a blorbo.

More Biker as we get closer to artfight, ft. Daniel the asshole captain they're hooking up with (which could mean nothing), and Biker's estranged sister Tatiana.

More ramblings below

Regarding their masculinity, Biker initially had been incredibly dysphoric about their physique and how others saw them, involving poor mood, depressive episodes, wearing baggy clothes. Only after realising they were nonbinary did they find enjoyment in their masculinity and how it was presented, dressing in clothes that showed themself off. It was a change in framing: they're nonbinary and that gives them the freedom to delve into masculinity without the initial societal pressure to conform to a certain Kind of masculinity as someone assigned male at birth. Gender presentation on their terms, effectively. I don't know if this sounds contradictory to someone outside that experience, but it's a revelation I also experienced w/femininity.

They're half-Italian on their mother's side, and have thick, dark hair. Biker had had a couple sessions of lazer hair removal for their beard and body hair, but then the apocalypse hit. So while their hair is quite sparse relative to others, it still grows in. Biker is willing to shave with just about anything, so long as it gets the hair Off. They maintain a buzzcut for aesthetics, but also find their dysphoria goes bonkers when their hair starts to grow out. Will sometimes maintain a trimmed happy trail for the look.

Biker's got insane, prey animal anxiety. The kind that makes them aggressive and vitriolic, instead of fawning/freezing. Hit first before the threat can hit you, kind of deal. It can also make them incredibly verbally aggressive at times, as well. They're terrified of dying, and typically would do anything if it meant, at the end of the day, they survived. But then the get taken captive by a fundie, cannibal cult ingame and interrogated by their leader. Instead of giving up all they know in exchange for not being harmed, Biker's fear of death is overruled by their fear of losing the agency they were only granted post-apocalypse. Biker as a person did not exist until after the world ended, and they'll be damned if they lose that freedom again. So they lied, and fought, and suffered grievous wounds for it. They're immensely frustrated with themself, over it. But they're still here, at the end of the day. Even if Eve, the leader, left her mark in the place of burns spanning a concerning percentage of their body.

Biker used to privately ID as a gay man, until realising they very much loved women as well, but it was the clash of being loved As a man that repulsed them away from pursuing meaningful relationships with women and femmes. When they started ID-ing as nonbinary, they found attraction to women (and acting on it) much easier. Their relationship between their gender and their attraction to men is a different story and a little more dysfunctional, but Biker chases pleasure when they can, and things like questionable sex isn't out of the picture for them, before and after the world ended.

Kink and its subgroups was also a safe space for Biker (outside of gyms and places where they could admire masculinity), in exploring their sexuality and gender. They mostly occupied leather and bondage circles, but experimented in dom/sub spaces and impact play. They also consider all sex with them to be gay sex. So watch out 'it doesn't count because xyz'. Fun fact but there is so so so much motorcycle leather kink stuff on pinterest. I don't want it taken down at ALL it's just so funny to me to see those images fly under the radar like that.

Anyway. I hate them and they SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and yet. they remain in my head 24/7 and my dm is a cruel evil cruel evil storyteller who also wants Biker in a blender <3 mwah, she is also immensely talented and has facilitated this fixation and development of Biker into this character

[overleftdown]

can u talk more abt his apparent affairs w teachers and relationship w sex in general? so many ppl gloss over that bit

of course! i'll link a couple posts for preface, although i'll probably paraphrase some stuff anyways.

[my commentary on sex and consent in saltburn.]

i received an ask regarding farleigh's queerness the other day, to which i tied in this little tidbit about farleigh's affirs with teachers. the explicitly male/male language that felix used when recounting farleigh's sexcapades with teachers was interesting to me. farleigh is pansexual (as stated in the screenplay), but felix uses male/male language exclusively. part of this could be the erasure of pansexual or bisexual reality. people either exclude the homosexual aspect of someone's identity, or the heterosexual aspect. but this could also mean that farleigh did only harbor affairs with male teachers.

that would be an interesting complex to think about. although women in positions of power are absolutely capable of abusing that power and asserting dominance over others, men have a different dynamic within that. the fact is, farleigh does things to gain the affections of other people, because he isn't automatically handed that affection. farleigh does play into teacher/student dynamics, whether it's overtly sexual or not. you can see this in the tutor scene and the brief montage moment where fareligh is sitting on the floor in front of the tutor, while they both ignore oliver. consider it an investment, of sorts. there's always a possibility that a white teacher will have academic bias against you, and the need to mitigate that is strangling sometimes. teachers are also just dicks. i find myself in "teacher's pet" positions for a number of reasons, a few of them are bias related.

where it gets complicated is the sex aspect specifically. if it is true that farleigh has been expelled from an absurd number of schools specifically for harboring teacher/student sexual affairs, then this is can really only be perceived as compulsive. also, can i just say, the fact that farleigh was expelled instead of the teacher being fired is disgusting. i kinda wanna call this evidence of discrimination, as well. queerness and perceived sexual deviancy, blackness and the constant inability to be seen as human and innocent. arghgh. i digress. the fact is, if farleigh truly was harboring sexual affairs with teachers for his own benefit and that alone, then he wouldn't have made the mistake so frequently. he would've recognized that the disadvantages outweighed the benefits and found other ways of playing teacher's pet. archie talked about the quickstart dynamic and said that although it was ambiguously consensual, farleigh is attracted to and aroused by power dynamics. many people are. where that compulsive need to buy into power dynamics comes from, i'm not sure. it could be a lot of things.

the neglectful nature of farleigh's upbringing could've resulted in a need for validation and attention from those who are in a position of authority. farleigh's queerness could've resulted in an internalized feeling of perversion that was then externalized through a desire to be taken advantage of. the nature of submission is also often linked to a need for control in other areas of life, and therefore relinquishing control in sexual dynamics. some marginalized people play into eroticization because it can be more validating than exclusion. many people learn to crave their own objectification, and it's often a manifestation of sexual trauma or other forms of trauma. if i get really convoluted and let my angst-fanfiction brain run wild, i start to imagine what environments farleigh was in throughout his childhood. as archie said, farleigh was involved in overly "mature" conversations and situations through his mother. what that could mean for farleigh's perception of sex, nobody knows. i can let my imagination go insane though. i can imagine a lot of weird scenarios. those are all conjecture, of course.

i'm just going to conclude that whatever sexual complexes farleigh has, they're not healthy. i don't think that they should be fetishized or ignored. i think that they're relevant to farleigh and oliver's on-screen dynamic, especially considering oliver was in a position of power over farleigh when they had sex.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

critically analysing gay male culture is really important from a feminist perspective.

because on one hand, gay men reject one of the main pillars of patriarchy: heterosexuality, and thereby the sexual and domestic subjugation of women. and they are being ostracised for it, with homophobia, violence, insults and exclusion from traditional male spheres.

so gay men created their own design of masculinity, and their own culture.

sometimes it contains elements of femininity, like drag queen shows or just presenting femininely with makeup and high heels etc. this is the opposite of traditional masculinity, but at the same time, femininity is a tool of degradation, and by performing it, gay men degrade themselves. they fall into the same trap as liberal feminists who portray overperforming feminity as a rebellion against traditional feminity, which is defined by modesty, without tackling the actual degradation this contains, and creating alternatives that are neither traditional nor degrading. this is just the opposite of traditional gender roles without reflection on what this actually does to empower marginalised groups like gay men and women.*

this can also be seen in gay erotica. gay men will often assume the same degrading poses as women who want to sexually appeal to men. when you see a man on all fours with his ass out, that is usually not to appeal to women. (mainstream) gay porn has similar dehumanising and degrading imagery, language and dynamics as heterosexual porn. in the end, gay men are men. women dont get off on their subject of desire being degraded. thats a male trait.

this also mirrors in subcultures like the leather daddies. bdsm and leather fetishism are not gay by nature, at all. in fact this is a huge overlap to the straight community, as most of the kink community is comprised of straight people. this is an alternative to christian values and mainstream society‘s concept of sex. but all things considered, bdsm reproduces the idea of sex as a power struggle, sex as a tool of degradation, sex fixated on objects rather than an interpersonal experience, etc.

gay men challenge traditional masculinity simply by being men exclusively attracted to men. not all gay men participate in gay culture, or even endorse it. i think its not homophobic and can actually give some insights to examine how the patriarchy is reflected in a subculture that is at its core anti-patriarchal.

*note: self expression is valid and not every aspect of a marginalised groups own culture has to be an act of defiance against oppression. this is just one aspect i chose to focus on.

[fitgirlfemdom]

hi! I’m just curious about something you mentioned about not being explicitly into everything you post - do you think it’s attracted unwanted attention? would you rather discuss non-kink topics on here as well? I think it would be cool if you incorporated some of the other stuff you’re passionate about (anime, music, etc) 🖤

The real me is not as sexual as this account displays. I've been celibate for half a year and I masturbate maybe once or twice a week for like 20 min. I still write and draw NSFW content, but that's for my main art account that isn't linked here (this isn't for privacy or anything--i just have art moots that probably don't wanna see fat bears eating cake on their timeline 24/7).

90% of the stuff I write/have posted about, I'm into, and I enjoyed writing, especially my longer posts! If I wasn't interested in something, I wouldn't write about it for free. The issue was messages in my DMs, especially near the beginning of this account. It's why I tried enforcing the rule that if you send me face pics, I'd block you, because a lot of the people that messaged me I did not find sexually attractive. Without a face, it's much easier to RP. Also because of the dick pics. Don't get me wrong, some of you guys had very respectable cocks but I can't deny that it made me feel gross to be sent them without my consent.

The worst part was actually enjoying talking to some of you, and then realizing you clearly just used me as a dumping ground for your fetish pics, without any consideration as to who I was. It was like my DMs were just "Send Photos of Your Gut to 19 Year Old Girl Here" without any personality, any interest in who I was. Just a nameless girl who you could imagine your fantasies with. I'd ask about your day or what you were interested in, and I'd get a pic of your gut in an office chair with "whoaaaaa just drank two liters of soda :/ so bloated rn." How do I respond to that? "Good"? 😭

I think the worst DM I got was a guy saying I was "in denial about being a housewife," which I mean, I've dabbled in misogyny kink content before. Bimbofication is literally on my profile. I've never brought up my feminist views or politics, although I would consider myself a feminist, since all people should have equal rights and freedom of expression. I also believe housewives can be feminists. There is nothing on my account about my political views, nor about my career or education, because it's not important to writing porn about feeding dudes cake.

When I brushed him off with a "Haha," he just kept going, paragraphs and paragraphs about how he wanted me to be his trophy wife and clean his shit out of a bucket??? You don't even know me??? And I never responded, but it really just made me realize--just saying I'm into femdom, no matter what it is, is seen as a political transgression to these people. I'm literally into gentle femdom and want a chubby hubby/wife that I can make happy and secure financially. None of my posts are "Women are superior, men should be locked in cages." Most of my posts are "I want a gym guy who enjoys my cooking and jerks off a lot."

I DO use female supremacy tags sometimes because I use dozens of tags, and that's on me. I just type "fem" and click the ones that come up. I've also written works that are VERY misogynistic, like calling myself a fleshlight or literally writing fics about me getting gangbanged. I feel like this guy just saw "femdom" in my username and lost his mind. By tagging my stuff like this, I honestly was asking for trouble to come, so yeah, I think I just got unwanted attention I wasn't ready for.

In regards to talking about others topics, I just figured no one gave a shit, and people probably don't, but I am very passionate about metal music and music history. I have a useless amount of knowledge about various 90s/2000s metal bands and music from that time. If I get asked questions about it, I'll answer, and I DO need to follow more people on this website, but my current answer is: I don't know, maybe. I'll see how I feel.