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queenshelby · 3 years ago

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The Last Semester – Part 24

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 1,705

Warning: Angst, Conflict, Fluff

Trigger Warning: Miscarriage

The doctor’s words came as a shock to you and everything from thereon was a blur. Your stepmother held your hand while you tried to comprehend what had happened.

‘Is there nothing that can be done?’ you remembered asking but the doctor shook his head and explained that there wasn’t. He explained everything, but you couldn’t listen. It was too much to take in. You couldn’t cry, you couldn’t scream, you couldn’t say anything. You simply felt lost.

Whilst the pregnancy wasn’t planned, your excitement for the baby had grown over the past few weeks especially since Cillian was so involved and invested. Despite everything you had been through with him, he seemed like the perfect man to have a child with. You felt prepared and you even felt happy and now all of this was gone. You couldn’t quite explain it, but you were saddened by losing the baby despite the fact that you felt as though you should have been relieved.

You were given tablets, unsure about what they were for but you were urged to take them and so you did. Then, you were told to go home and wait.

You needed someone to be with you to look after you and your stepmother urged you to come home with her. You agreed, not wanting to be alone anyway and, after about twenty minutes at the clinic, she walked you back to her car.

‘What are you doing?’ you then asked as you watched her search for Cillian’s number on her phone.

‘I am calling Cillian’ she then said, not allowing you to protest.

‘Don’t, please. He cannot have this on his mind going to London. He needs to focus on that campaign’ you said, knowing that he had a contractual obligation to film the advertisement.

‘Y/N, he needs to know and I am sure the promoter will understand’ your stepmother said and, just as she did, Cillian already picked up the phone.

***

‘Are you still at the airport?’ your stepmother asked concerned.

‘Just about to board the plane, why? Is Y/N alright?’ Cillian asked somewhat surprised that your stepmother was calling him.

‘She is having a miscarriage. You need to come to our place. I will take her there now’ your stepmother urgent him and, for at least a minute, she didn’t receive a response to her request.

‘Cillian?’ she asked again, hearing nothing but silence.

‘Fuck’ he huffed out. ‘I will be there as soon as I can’ he barely managed to say.

He was lost for words and all your stepmother could hear was his deep breathing and a sigh. He was clearly saddened by the news.

***

Not long after you got to the house, the bleeding started and you didn’t want to do anything but spend hours inside the small shower upstairs, crying and just letting go of it all. All the sadness and feelings of guilt that you felt and you didn’t know why.

Was it your fault that you’ve lost the pregnancy, you wondered?

After about twenty minutes under the hot running water, you heard a knock on the door.

‘Hey, Y/N, can I come in?’ you heard Cillian’s voice from outside as he was clearly leaning against the door.

‘Okay’ you huffed out, allowing him to come inside just as you stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around you.

Without words, you fell into Cillian’s arms as soon as he opened the door, breaking out in tears and leaning against his chest.

He held you close, running his hands through your hair and kissing your forehead.

‘I am so sorry’ you eventually blurted out, in tears, feeling that your body had failed you.

‘Don’t! This happens and it is no one’s fault’ Cillian said before helping you to dry off and get dressed. You weren’t managing on your own as the painkillers had finally kicked in, making you drowsy and dizzy.

‘Well, at least you won’t be stuck with me every day now…I can keep my unit’ you then huffed out as you held onto the sink while stepping into your shorts.

‘I still want you to move in with me Y/N. The thought of waking up next to you every morning has me quite excited’ Cillian said before pulling a t-shirt over your head, causing you to smile. ‘Unless you don’t want to now, then that’s fine’ he then said somewhat worried.

‘I do. I love you Cilly’ you said as you put on your bed socks.

After you were dressed in some comfortable clothes, Cillian helped you to lie down in your old room and you asked him to stay with you.

‘I am not sure if your father would be too happy about this’ Cillian then said, holding you close.

‘Well, then I come with you to your place’ you said and Cillian nodded reluctantly, knowing that the drive wasn’t ideal and you should really be resting.

For now, he was determined to make you do exactly that and to just to lie there with you in silence and deal with anything else later.

***

Several hours later, after you had finally managed to fall asleep, Cillian emerged from your bedroom to get a glass of water and ran into your father in the hallway.

‘How is she?’ your father asked as Cillian walked towards him.

‘As well as one could expect in the circumstances’ Cillian said quietly and with a heavy heart.

‘And you?’ your father then asked, taking Cillian by surprise.

‘Same’ Cillian then said, saddened by the loss. ’Listen, she is asleep now and I will get out of your hair in a few minutes’ he then added, knowing that your father wouldn’t be happy about him staying at his house for the night.

‘It’s alright. Stay. I know she needs you’ your father then said, causing Cillian to nod somewhat surprised.

‘Thank you’ Cillian then said before walking towards the kitchen and then returning to your room.

He wasn’t in a talkative mood and was grateful that your father allowed him to stay with you and chose not to pick a fight during this difficult time.

***

The following morning, your father knocked on your door and carefully opened it, wanting to see whether you would be joining him and your stepmother for breakfast.

When he opened the door, you were still fast asleep, curled up against Cillian’s naked chest. The pain medication that was given to you had clearly knocked you out and you slept for twelve hours straight.

Cillian also didn’t move and only slowly opened his eyes when he heard a noise before drifting back off to sleep. He was awake for most of the night, struggling to come to terms with the loss and only managed to drift off to sleep around three or four o’clock in the morning.

As he watched you for a second or two, your father sighed and decided to leave you be no matter how it made him feel. He still hadn’t come to terms with the fact that you and Cillian were together. Nonetheless, he knew that now, more than ever, you both needed his support.

‘Do you think that they will stay together now that this happened?’ your father then asked your stepmother as she pulled him away from your door and closed it behind him.

‘Uhm, she is moving in with him, so I would say yes’ your stepmother smiled somewhat amused by your father’s question.

‘She is what now?’ your father asked, causing your stepmother to laugh.

‘She is moving in with him. She told me this morning’ your stepmother said, causing your father to sigh.

‘He must be serious then’ your father huffed out after having known Cillian for many years. ‘Fuck…as if he couldn’t have found anyone else, eh’ he then laughed, shaking his head and disappearing into the kitchen.

***

Later that day, you had a follow up appointment with your doctor and Cillian accompanied you before taking you back to his house.

‘I am not sure if the pregnancy was planned but, if it was and, subject to a satisfactory follow up scan in two weeks to confirm that everything has cleared from your body, you can start trying again next month. If not, I would recommend the IUD after two weeks from now. You need to abstain from intercourse until then to avoid infection’ the doctor said, handing you a detailed information pamphlet on different forms of contraception as well as two prescriptions.

During that visit, you were also going to have a scan to check your uterus and Cillian wasn’t allowed to accompany you inside for the scan.

‘Do you mind grabbing these for me while they do the scan? you then asked Cillian while you were sitting in the waiting room.

‘Is this what you want to do?’ Cillian then asked as he read through the two prescriptions, one for more painkillers and the other one for the IUD.

‘What do you mean?’ you asked, unsure about his question.

‘The IUD. Did you want to get it?’ Cillian asked.

‘Well…can you think of a better alternative?’ you asked quietly and somewhat amused.

‘I don’t know but, I was thinking that we could just do what we did before. I can just pull out’ Cillian said quietly but, apparently, not quietly enough as one of the other women inside the waiting room started to look at you and gave you quiet chuckle.

‘Because that worked so well Cillian’ you giggled.

‘Well, if it happens, it happens. It wouldn’t be such a bad thing, right?’ Cillian then argued.

‘So, we wouldn’t be trying to fall pregnant, we just won’t try very hard to prevent it either?’ you whispered.

‘Yeah, pretty much’ Cillian responded.

‘Alright then’ you smiled.

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#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #Cillian Murphy x Reader #cillian murphy imagine

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eremiie · 4 years ago

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i saw this post here and just wanted to dissect everything lmao

aot 139 spoilers

“Eren admits that he literally killed 80% of the world’s population, he then says he only did it so it would look like eldians stopped a threat”

eren admit to killing 80% of the population bc he did... he’s admitting to what he did, and he says that he wanted to paint them to be the heroes— but not only did he do that, he ended the curse of ymir and gained freedom for his people. it wasn’t just to paint them as heroes

“He also did it so the rest of the world couldnt murder them”

he didn’t “also” do it for that reason, it was an effect, the rumbling ended up killing so many people that they can’t wage war on the eldians like eren says, it keeps them a little safe which they needed especially since some of humanity knows that paradis is what started the rumbling. it’s a cause and effect type thing. because eren killed 80% of the population that remaining population won’t be able to retaliate and try to kill the eldians since there are so little of them

the tybur family is treated like some of martyr and apparently pulling the strings which led to the deaths of millions of innocent eldians was actually a GOOD thing

this scene was interpreted wrong, armin says “...so you want us to be like the tyburs after the great titan war? we’re supposed to protect paradis from reprisal from humanity outside the walls?” he’s asking eren if that’s what they’re gonna do, he never says it’s a good thing. then that’s when eren explains that either way so much of humanity is destroyed that they wouldn’t be able to retaliate if they wanted to

Armin THANKS him for it

armin thanks eren for doing what he did to free them. not thanking eren for for mass murder period. it’s because of eren that the curse is lifted and that they are free and that’s what armin’s thanking eren for. mass murder is inexcusable, and eren knows that. that’s why after he panics and goes “but i dont want to die!” he comes to a realization that all the people he killed didn’t want to either, that the only way to atone for his sins is by dying himself. even if he didn’t die he would’ve probably been executed, or imprisoned for the rest of the life. just like in mikasa’s ova, “eren’s death is inevitable, no matter what reality you go to eren will always die because he carries death within himself.”

in another translation of the chapter armin thanks eren for being the bad guy so that they could win. he knows what eren did was bad. he’s not excusing it, he just understands why eren had to do it and that eren had no choice if he wanted them to be free.

from the get go freedom was one of the themes of eren’s character. if eren lived the whole entire world would be ruins and eren would’ve been even sadder than now, there would be nobody and it would’ve been worse than it is now. eren killing everyone was definitely not the ending to go. the ending we have could’ve been executed differently, sure, but in my eyes since i get the gist i think isa did an amazing job portraying what he had in mind.

“Armin is more upset with Eren saying he doesnt know how he feels about Mikasa moving on than mass genocide”

once again, armin isn’t all that upset with eren because he understands that eren had a path laid out for him that he had no choice to follow. the point of eren committing mass genocide keeps getting brought up as if it’s not know that mass genocide is a terrible thing. it is and that’s why everyone was so angry about it from the get go, that’s why that one plan of blackmailing humanity with the rumbling and not actually go through with it was brought up once— because they knew how cruel it is. armin knew how cruel it is as i believe it was him who brought that up

he’s upset with eren about mikasa’s feelings in like a banter kind of way. it’s like “this whole entire time this is how you felt but you couldn’t tell her that and let her suffer???? don’t forget what you said to her, she went through hell!” kind of thing. they had already talked about the whole mass genocide thing, mikasa was the next topic of discussion

“Eren then finally shows some fucking emotion and cries abt how he doesn’t want mikasa to be with anyone but him”

in another post i say, "okay so first i think the issue is that a lot of people fail to realize that the way eren acted all throughout season 4 isn’t eren really, that is him putting his emotions at bay so that he can complete something that he laid out for himself for his friends.eren from season 1-3 still exists, and that’s lowkey the eren that was talking the whole time in chapter 139— you can see the how he cares for his friends, you can see the desperation again, the compassion, everything in between.”

eren is still that s1-3 eren, season 4 eren just had to put his emotions aside so he could walk on the path that ymir put in front of him.

him crying over mikasa was one of his selfish desires coming to light, and it was realistic. it’s finally dawning on him that he’s gonna die, he’s finally getting to sit down and ponder about mikasa, he’s getting desperate, he’s panicking, and that compassion that he’s always had for his friends is showing through again. this gives realism to his character— it makes his character all the more human. one second he’s complaining about how he doesn’t want to die and wants to be with his friends bc its crashing on him, and the very next second he’s trying to be at peace with himself, realising that the only way to atone for what he caused is by dying. one second he’s complaining about how he wants miksa to be with anyone but him, the next second he’s coming to terms with himself and that mikasa needs to move on, because he loves her and wants her to live a long and happy life even if it means without him. the selfishness that showed for that mere second makes his character realistic. it shows that he’s still whiny, that little whiny angry boy from s1-3. he was never heartless and he was never cold. he was and is still eren jaeger, and you get a glimpse of the eren we know in that scene.

The founder ymir was apparently in love with the king???? another women stupidly devoted to a man, great.

i’m not too in depth with ymirs story so im not gonna speak too much about this because i myself do wish that whole love thingy went more into depth. i get how mikasa and ymir parallel each other, but other than that i’m not too sure myself, and i’ll admit that. it could be a case of stockholm syndrome, it could be that bc ymir was infatuated with living and she was confined to such a familial role she wanted to live in that role again with the king bc he’s the only person who gave her that familial lifestyle. i’m not sure. but if anything mikasa was im pretty sure the only character “devoted” to a man in aot. and it was because of the role eren played in her life, she’s not a bad written character, she has her developement. which i explain here

apparently mikasa’s unhealthy devotion to eren is what took her out of it????? in fact the series overly romanticizes mikasa’s love for eren despite the two having no chemistry and eren being an ass to her

in a sense, but that’s a simple minded way of saying it. ymir’s devotion to king fritz was unhealthy, eren describes it as “agony of love” because it was pretty unhealthy obvi. like i said ymir and mikasa parallel each other, and seeing mikasa be able to let go and kill the one she loves was that realization for ymir that she was able to do the same thing— that’s how i interpret that scene personally.

and in mikasa doing so, killing eren lifts that curse of ymir and frees ymir regardless, so ymir was happy about that as well. thanks to mikasa for cutting eren’s head off.

the series doesn’t necessarily over romanticize mikasa’s love for eren in my opinion. how i see it is that since eren is a big part of mikasa’s character he was necessary for her development as well, and her development was to let eren go because of how infatuated she was with him. this being said the series points out how unhealthy the way she loved him was especially in s1-3, and her love becomes more healthy when she gets her development in chap 139, finally being able to let eren go and move on. compare that to in the s1 when eren almost dies and she’s ready to die as well. thats development if you ask me.

one of the themes of the show is sacrifice, and almost every character has made one, mikasa sacrifices eren— she kills him and she chooses to go through with that decision despite how much she loves him.

eren was definitely mean to mikasa in s1-3 because she was overbearing, and thats one reason why i say the way she loved him was unhealthy at first. eren wasn’t able to reciprocate her love in the way that she loved him because it wasn’t healthy. eren also wasn’t able to reciprocate it because the last thing he was focused on was the concept of love. once again he had a path laid out for him that he had no choice but to follow, and mikasa didn’t have any play in this path until the very end, so the boy who keeps moving forward does just that and doesn’t pay her much mind, doesn’t get to sit down and think about his feelings for her, what she is to him.

(and i dont think i even need to explain the “mikasa i’ve always hated you seen, the chapter covers that enough)

they do have chemistry time to time, the eren v dina fritz scene, the scarf scene, “what am i to you”, little stuff like that goes into play and gives them these little sparks of chemistry. they couldn’t always grasp onto the full scope of the relationship they had and it was only some times they were able to do that with everything going on.

apparently the titans are just gone now….??? i cant even tell if its because Eren died or because Mikasa really made Ymir calm down

... eren controlling rumbling, eren dies rumbling stops, ymir finally lifts curse bc 1) eren died 2) shes able to come to realization that like mikasa lets eren go, she needs to let fritz go and the curse go. ymir lifts curse, eren’s goal is complete, if titan curse is lifted there are no more titans

Characters who murdered thousands and were the cause for AOT’s entire plot in the first place are now treated as heroes to the eldians… despite the shit that they did.

everyone in aot did some “shit” they all are murders, eren commited mass genocide, reiner commited mass murder, annie murdered so many people, reiner, armin destroyed thousands of people in one go, they all have killed somebody. they are seen as “heros” because they stopped the rumbling that was going to kill everyone else...... idk about you but if you just saved me from a horrid death, my racist opinion on you doesn’t really matter because you just saved my fucking life lmao, yes despite the shit that you did— because they have killed people too, and they were ready to kill the eldians still until armin told them that they killed eren, that they saved their lives and eliminated titans for good.... like whew???

the series went from “The military is cool” to “the military did a lot of fucked up shit” to “the military is SUPER cool”, and buffed it up

i’m not really sure where you got that tbh,, like the military wasn’t really a big thing up until the whole marleyan thing??? and they didn’t have much plot in the story besides it existing so like i’m not sure what to say ab this, i can’t really remember many times the military was even mentioned until now, but if anyone wants to elaborate on this for me that’d be nice

oh and they buffed up the military because since paradis had eren jaeger who started the rumbling, just in case, they had to be ready to fight again if the rest of humanity wanted to do something. after marley they updated all their technology, why can’t they update the military as well? it’s realistic, new weapons, new military, and all that

The military was buffed up bc the eldians are scared of the rest of the world retaliating, so Eren didn’t really fix shit except giving the Eldians an upper hand in the war

eren jaeger was the one who always screamed “i will kill all titans, we will get freedom” ya de ya de ya.... didn’t he do both of those things????? i thought those were some of his main goals as a character, he fixed those issues, the issues that have been issues since the start of the show

the rest of humanity don’t know the full scope like the eldians or marleyans, they’re probably just as scared and like in real life not all nations are at peace with one another. this is just another realistic factor— attack on titan is becoming a world closest to the real one we live in, there are militaries, there are still conflicts, there is still all these little aspects that bring the manga even more to life.

in my opinion it’d lowkey be weird if the rest of the world was just like “oh yeah those mfs that started the rumbling we love them haha” no... it killed 80% of the population like eren said... that’s not something to love.

Historia has a really disturbing speech about how the fight isnt going to end until either the Eldians or the rest of the world are exterminated, despite Gabi has an entire arc about her being deradicalized and learning to see the other side of things.

and yes i am not kidding, the heroic conclusion is that there’s still going to be a war, eldians are going to commit mass genocide (which was proposed by eren) and people straight up thank eren for the evil shit he did.

“this fight will not end until either eldia or the world dissapears. this is what eren said and he may be right.” she doesn’t say that it’s for sure gonna be a fight until one or the other is wiped out, she says there’s a possibility of this being the case because of the fact that these nations aren’t at complete peace yet.

not everyone is gonna be able to see the other side of things, and this applies to the whole word— us as humans will never be able to agree on one thing, and that’s what this shows. no matter what the cycle of hatred will always continue, and this applies to real life and this manga. we are human beings and that’s what makes what historia says even more real. “this is the world we live in, a world without titans.” titans are no longer their conflict. now it’s only like the real word— humans against humans, and as far as humanity existed it’s always been humans against humans. historia’s speech shows that.

the heroic conclusion is that as a human race nothing will always be agreed upon, eldians are going to fight if they need to like our military fights when they need to. people are thanking eren for freeing them and ending the curse of titans that they suffered with for 2000 years. nobody’s thanking him for his actions of mass genocide, they are thanking him for the motive behind his actions, and thats what makes him so heroic.

that he endured and did something so terrible so that anybody who lives after him can be free, and humanity can continue existing as humanity should’ve existed from the beginning.

and that concludes this for me, thanks for reading<3.

#attack on titan #snk 139 #aot spoilers #snk spoilers #aot 139

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balenciagastones · 3 years ago

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hi im kinda new to this can you pls explain to me why everybody hates lauryn? all i know is she wants kyle to be a dad and he isn't

here we go! putting this under the cut so i don’t flood people’s dash who don’t care <3

okay so bit of backstory first cos im gonna try and do this in chronological order, she is chloe goodman’s sister and she used to go out with marcus rashford’s brother, apart from that she was pretty much a nobody. i also dk how much you know about kyle but basically he’s been with annie for agessss and they have 3 sons together. at the start of 2020 it came out that lauryn was pregnant with a mystery england footballer’s baby and it was kept a secret who it was for ages and just said that they were in a whirlwind romance and the baby was a miracle because she has endometriosis and pos meaning she would struggle to conceive naturally. it was outed cos of pap photos that have been said were staged by her, pretty much the whole of this has been staged by her tbh but it was later announced that the baby daddy was kyle walker and all hell broke loose tbh.

all throughout her pregnancy and a bit after the baby was born she wouldn’t reveal the gender but constantly baited it and hyped it up and drew a lot of attention to the baby’s gender (a little bit of backstory to this is that annie obviously has 3 boys as we said before but she always always wanted a girl and has always been v public with that fact, she also had a miscarriage which wasn’t talked about until after the baby was born but hindsight makes this whole gender situation worse but back to the story). her sister was also pregnant at the same time as her and was public saying she was having a girl so lauryn used to post stories with girls’ baby clothes and pink things in basically to just bait she was having a girl when she knew all along it was a boy, there’s literally no reason for this apart from her wanting to spite annie and imply that she was having a girl baby with the man she loved to hurt her for no reason.

cut forward to when the baby is born and she starts to promote these bracelets which have different ones for different situations, so she has one for anxiety, one for sleep, one for fertility (you can see where this is going) and there’s a few points with these scam bracelets. first off she came out and said she was wearing one at the time she slept with kyle so this baby perhaps wasn’t so much an accident on her part as she was manifesting fertility and that she’d become pregnant basically, take from that what you will but it was clearly her intention to fall pregnant with his baby when she knew he was with another woman long term and had 3 little boys with her. and the second part to it is just what an absolute scam those bracelets are, they’re not cheap and they target vulnerable groups of people and profit off their struggles which is obviously so immoral and disgusting when a fuckin bead bracelet clearly can’t make you fertile or make you sleep better or any of this shit, it’s taking advantage of people in desperate need and taking money from vulnerable people, it’s awful.

so now the baby is born and she’s said it’s a boy but hasn’t announced the name and allegedly didn’t pick the name until he was 4 months old or something, but she decides that they need a name to call him so decide to say his name is junior. now you can immediately see the issue with this, she’s been banging on for the whole of her pregnancy that she’s a single mother and he’s not involved blah blah blah then calls him junior, which ofc people asked if the name was kyle junior and she as much as said it was and started referring to him as junior until she posted a video of the baby holding a necklace that said KW. obviously calling your baby junior implies that they have the dad’s name and are the jr version of the dad so when she posted the KW necklace alongside a caption that said ‘for those asking why it doesn’t say JW, KW are his true initials’ ofc everybody assumed his name was kyle walker junior, and she let this go on for 6 MONTHS. she wore this necklace that says KW everywhere it’s lit in all of her instagram photos, it literally came across as a trophy just shouting that she got knocked up by kyle walker and just using it as a constant reminder to anyone and everyone that her baby was half famous footballer kyle walkers regardless of whether he was involved or not, baring in mind in the same breath she’s continuing to go on about how she’s a single mother and doing it all on her own. her saying she’s doing it all on her own is a load of shit too because her family helps her constantly and she always has someone looking after him with her and she lives in a big fancy house so she’s putting across she’s struggling and a single mother out on her own but that’s not the truth.

she also kept giving questionable parenting advice out on her story and endorsing products and methods that weren’t the most effective and weren’t recommended, even a blanket method that im sure was said to be harmful and she’s promoted many products that she shouldn’t have just in the name of money and fame and clout, she isn’t qualified to be giving out parenting advice to the scale she is and i understand she’s gotten experience but she talks like she’s a professional and holds q&as giving advice she’s not qualified to give and considering she promotes half dodgy products, it’s not the best situation. two more random things before we’re caught up to what’s happened today, she put the baby in a city jersey then the next week put him in a liverpool jersey just to spite kyle LMAO and they all went on holiday to dubai and im pretty sure paparazzi isnt allowed in dubai that’s why all the celebs go there but she was papped there so she must’ve set that up too lmaoooooo. but now we’re at today.

basically it started by kyle posting a picture of his own personal football boots that he played in for the final match of the season im sure, and he had printed on the names and dates of birth of all 3 kids he had with annie, and as you can quite imagine, lauryn wasn’t very happy with this. so she went straight on her stories preaching how horrific it was that he didn’t include kairo’s name on his boots and he’s done nothing but he cute and innocent and kyle was ‘bullying’ his own son which is obvs the wrong word to use but she’s daft and has been throwing around the word bullying, and talking about how she won’t let their son be left out, baring in mind she constantly says how she’s a single mother and prides herself on that she doesn’t have him involved and that he’s a horrible person etc etc. so all of her little minions who love her started replying to her story saying he was disgusting blah blah blah and decided as a collective with her encouragement to spam his page with kairo’s name and demand justice for kairo or something so after he got a few comments he turned the comments off from the post about the boots so they went to his first post before the boots which was a memorial post for the victims of the manchester arena attack. fully grown women commenting on a memorial post for such a tragic event demanding to know where kairos name was or spamming his name letter by letter, first off it’s just batshit crazy but second off how disrespectful?? from lauryn as well to encourage it and think of nobody but herself and want the attention because realistically it wasn’t gonna achieve anything but slightly irk him that he had to turn the comments off.

she’s also been encouraging people to email puma themselves and demand to know why they did it as if they had any input on what kyle had on his personal boots, puma probably had no idea about any of this and certainly didn’t do it on purpose to cause a storm so there’s no reason for them to be complaining to puma. she posted a list of what she wanted to happen including kyles post to be removed, the boots to be pulled (i don’t think she realises they were just personal boots for kyle and not a product for the general public to buy), a public apology to kairo and a public statement to be put out, none of which would solve the greater situation or help the situation that’s already been caused.

she posted saying kyle was bullying the baby and mentally abusing him which is disgusting to be throwing around when that’s not the case at all cos in reality kyles just trying to mend his relationships with annie and his family while keeping lauryn and the baby out of it like she keeps going on about, but then when it comes down to it she uses his surname, posts about it 24/7, wants his name on his boots, uses him for clout, walks around with a KW necklace on etc etc etc. most recently she’s created a petition to get pumas attention to do all of what i listed before and i think about 600 people have signed it so far.

i think that’s all although im sure anons will chip in if ive missed anything, that’s if anybody’s actually read this far 😭 so yes, more than you bargained for probably anon! story time with han! xx

#anon

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megalony · 4 years ago

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Serendipity- Part 2

Here is the second part in my new murderer! Ben Hardy series which I hope you will all enjoy, feedback is always appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Series taglist: @onceuponadetectivedemigod

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Series masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) is trying to keep moving on with her life after her affair with Joe’s brother, Ben who is in and out of prison. But Ben won’t let her go so easily even after the torment he imposes on her. He wants to be in their sons life but things aren’t easy when everyone believes Harvey is Joe’s son, not Ben’s.

Enjoy.

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"Will Benny be here?"

"I don't know baby, he's pretty busy right now." (Y/n) tried hard to keep the irritation from her voice because she knew it wasn't Harvey's fault. He didn't know or understand that Ben was a difficult person to be around and that most of his family didn't want to be in his presence. Harvey seemed to be the sole person who wanted to be around Ben right now and that made things ten times worse because he was the one person who (Y/n) wanted to shield away from Ben.

When the three of them entered Joe's parent's house, (Y/n) let go of Harvey's hand, knowing that he was going to find Lucy and run straight to her.

(Y/n) found herself watching after him for a few moments as a feeling of dread crept into her stomach and chest. Ben was right last week, people were going to tell in a few years to come that Harvey wasn't Joe's boy. If his looks weren't enough to make people think of Ben then his interests were, he was sporty like Ben and he was infatuated with any stories that Ben told him about fighting and boxing. Ben was becoming a role model to him and (Y/n) couldn't do anything but watch as karma came to bite her in the ass.

"It's bad enough that he idolises Ben, but you let him take Harvey out last week. What if something happened? What do we do when he eventually finds out what Ben's like?"

Joe slipped his jacket from his shoulders but his eyes stayed solely focused on (Y/n), waiting for her response and her reaction to his words. He wasn't intending to rile her up but he couldn't help how it was already annoying him. His little brother was dangerous and if it wasn't enough that Harvey was so fond of Ben it was worse that he had been out with Ben when he had only just come out of prison. Joe didn't trust his brother as far as he could throw him even if he was trying to make amends and stop the bridges from burning between them.

"For God's sake Joe it wasn't like Ben stole him, I went with them and nothing would have happened anyway because Ben adores him. And as far as I'm concerned he doesn't find out unless you want to be the one to break it to him."

(Y/n) found herself debating whether to say that Ben loved Harvey but she quickly decided against it. Even if it seemed true, Ben's kind of love was twisted and corrupted and she couldn't bare to think that Ben felt that kind of love for Harvey. It was better to think he adored him rather than loved him.

It was clear that Ben wouldn't hurt Harvey, he won't put him in danger or scare him or get violent towards him in any way and that was clear to everyone. But because Ben was dangerous no one wanted him around Harvey and (Y/n) especially didn't because Ben was a lethal weapon and he could ruin Harvey's life. He could tell him he was his dad and when Harvey eventually found out what Ben was like it would confuse, scare and torment him until all he could think of was that he was going to turn out like Ben. (Y/n) wanted her son safe and protected and thinking Joe was his dad and keeping him as far away from Ben as possible was the best way she could think to do that.

"We both know what Ben's like, sorry for wanting Harvey away from that."

(Y/n)'s eyes followed Joe but her body went in a different direction until she was walking into the kitchen to get herself a drink. They were here for a family dinner since it was Sunday and they hadn't all been together for a while but (Y/n) had a distinct feeling that Ben was going to turn up. He was always invited no matter what crime he had committed or how badly he was bruised and beaten up. Coming out of prison meant nothing to his parents because they were simply too afraid to lose their youngest son.

Cutting Ben out of the family wasn't an option, everyone loved him too much to do that. Even when (Y/n) tried to cut her ties with him he just kept crawling back out of the shadows until it was impossible not to think about him, let alone go without seeing him for a day or a week.

"Hey... Harvey said you've seen Ben, how is he?"

The drink in (Y/n)'s hand was set down after she'd downed half of it when Lucy's voice flooded her ears. When she turned her head to look over at Lucy (Y/n) felt her stomach constricting at the worried look on her face. Joe and Ben had never been the closest of siblings but Lucy and Ben had always been close in a way that reminded (Y/n) of twins. It didn't matter what Ben did or how cruel and twisted he became, Lucy still cared about him and it gave Ben an advantage and something to play on whenever he felt like it.

Lucy leaned her side against the kitchen counter as her lips curved into a soft but concerned smile. Her short platinum hair was crimped into small waves and curls which framed sweetly around her face and the black eyeliner and eyeshadow she had on framed her blue eyes.

Even though she had no idea just how close Ben was to (Y/n), Lucy did know that her brother was rather close to (Y/n), almost like he had an infatuation with her.

"He's... how he normally is. You'd think he was back from a holiday rather than prison, put it that way." There were no words in (Y/n)'s vocabulary right now to explain just how Ben had acted and how he seemed when he visited her last week. Cheeky didn't cover it at all and even though he put (Y/n) on edge, he wasn't on edge himself, he was right where he wanted to be in terms of his comfort zone.

"I suppose that's better, considering how he was when he was released a few years ago." Lucy's words were spoken as she had a faraway look in her eyes causing her to miss the way (Y/n) shivered, knowing exactly what time Lucy was referring to.

It did seem better that Ben was happy and his usual self when he was released rather than bearing a grudge for something because he could be ruthless when he wanted and no one got spared when he was like that. The time Lucy was referring to was when Ben had done six months in prison and came out like Lucifer being released from Hell because he'd been away when Harvey was born. He had wanted to be there when his son was born and it had put him on the warpath that everyone was congratulating Joe and singing his praises when it wasn't even his child.

"Oh, thank you, by the way."

"What for?" A feeling of dread started to slowly build up in the pit of (Y/n)'s stomach because even though Lucy's words and her smile were genuine, she had the same look about her that Ben did. Ben smiled and played innocent when he was about to unleash Hell onto (Y/n) and that shared look made her fear that one day Lucy was going to turn around and shatter her world with a few simple words just like her brother.

"For letting Ben see Harvey. Joe and dad are adamant that he shouldn't but Ben loves spending time with him, it means a lot to him that you let him see Harvey and you never turn him away."

(Y/n) knew she was overthinking what Lucy was saying, but she couldn't help but feel like Lucy knew more than she was letting on. It felt like she was hinting at the truth which no one else should know and it made (Y/n)'s skin crawl and her heart beat faster in her chest. She knew that if Lucy did know the sordid truth, she would never be able to stay quiet about it because her conscience would never allow her to. She was being nice and understanding right now but (Y/n) couldn't help but read more into what she was saying because she was always on edge.

Ben made her anxious and nervous and she knew the catastrophe that would occur if people found out she'd had an affair with Ben and that he was Harvey's dad.

"Harvey adores him, I can't really say no."

(Y/n) couldn't turn Ben away either, he never let her.

Sweat started to prickle on (Y/n)'s skin when Lucy rested her hand on her arm for a second before she left the kitchen, presumably to go and talk to Joe or their parents. It would have been so much easier if Ben wasn't Joe's brother, if he was a stranger to them all so that (Y/n) never had to feel like whenever she saw their family she worried she would be caught out. She felt like a criminal, as if she had committed a crime with Ben and he was going to expose her because he didn't care if they knew or not.

Ben would rather the whole world know that Harvey was his boy and that he had (Y/n) under his spell, wrapped around his little finger. But he didn't say anything because of (Y/n) and what it would do to Harvey if he found out.

It felt like a lifetime had passed where (Y/n) stood drowning in her thoughts and the glass of juice that was almost empty. She knew soon enough that she would have to go and talk to Joe's parents and make her presence known, she also had to find out what Harvey was up to. But (Y/n) didn't get a chance to dwell on the thought of mingling with relatives before an arm suddenly curled around her waist.

For a split second, (Y/n) thought Joe was trying to cling to her like he did whenever they argued to get back into her good books. But when she felt the arm tighten and press into her hips, her eyes darted down to look at the hand. When she saw the roman numerals on each knuckle she knew it wasn't Joe standing behind her and as soon as a tall frame pressed up to her back it was as clear as day who was behind her.

"You look surprised, did you think I wouldn't turn up to see my family?"

When Ben's words were whispered in her ear (Y/n) shivered as her eyes darted around the kitchen to double check that no one was hovering in the doorway bearing witness to their infidelity. It wasn't like (Y/n) wanted to do this, Ben knew how anxious he made her and he knew that trying to be affectionate to her where they could get caught was only going to make her have a panic attack.

All the words got caught in (Y/n)'s throat and then swallowed down when she felt Ben pressing butterfly kisses to her neck until she tensed her shoulders and didn't tilt her head to give him more access. But her denial didn't bother him one bit for he simply leaned his temple against her cheek causing his hair to tickle her skin before he nudged her head until he has as much access to her neck as he wanted. He was like a vampire getting ready to strike.

"Someone will see." (Y/n) hissed the words like a snake but her tone made no difference because Ben only smiled against her skin.

"I'm counting on it, maybe then I don't have to sneak around you. Where's Harvey, I wanna see him." Ben sounded so authoritiative and demanding because he expected to get what he wanted and he knew (Y/n) would always give in to him.

A shiver ran down (Y/n)'s spine at Ben's words that made her stomach twist itself into knots. He didn't sound like he was asking (Y/n) if he could see Harvey, he was giving her a demand that he wanted to and therefore he was going to get what he wanted. Ben knew well enough to know that (Y/n) barely ever managed to go against him, she could always say no to him but her actions never followed through with her words. Ben got his own way and everyone else allowed it because going against him was too hard.

She didn't want him to see Harvey. She didn't want her son getting even more attached to someone who was known to break people. But (Y/n) couldn't stop Ben from seeing Harvey or he would have no problem making things a Hell of a lot worse for (Y/n).

"H-he's here somewhere-" (Y/n) barely got three words out before a gasp left her breathless lungs and she froze in place when she felt Ben's teeth grazing against her neck just below her jaw. "Ben no!" She kept her words quiet in case someone heard when passing the kitchen and she was already surprised no one had walked in yet. She couldn't have Ben trying to leave marks on her skin because everyone would see and Joe would know he didn't leave those marks there.

"Worried your little hubby will know these are my marks, not his?"

"Please." (Y/n) dug her nails into the counter when Ben bit her neck before leaning back up, a sign that he wasn't going to tease her anymore, at least not by leaving any marks on her.

"Oh baby, don't worry I won't leave any marks until I've got you alone." He could feel how his words made (Y/n) shiver and they both knew it wasn't in a bad way. "Now, where's my boy?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anxiety pummelled through (Y/n) to the point her body was shaking and she was coming over in a cold sweat. The phone call she received two days ago made her blood run cold and scared the flesh from her bones to the point she really didn't want to come here, but she didn't have a choice.

(Y/n) had no idea what Ben had called her about but it sounded serious and the dark tone of his voice told her that when he called her his face was one she was thankful not to see. He had been in prison for just over a month now and (Y/n) hadn't heard a thing from him until two days ago, not that she was really expecting to hear anything from him. He had been in prison before and never called her, but they'd never had an affair the last time he was behind bars.

He rang her at eight at night and shouted down the phone until she was in tears, demanding she come and see him within three days or he'd be calling Joe and telling him about their affair. (Y/n) had no idea what had rattled Ben so much but she knew his threat was real which was why she was waiting now to be taken to see him.

The moment Ben came into sight (Y/n) felt herself shaking worse and she was surprised the guard on her left hadn't pulled her to one side and asked if she was okay.

When Ben noticed her (Y/n) could see the anger in his eyes directed at her in a way she had never seen before. He had been cheeky, snide, dark and sometimes worrying around her but he was never frightening like he seemed right now. (Y/n) felt her heartbeat drumming in her ears as she slowly sat down opposite Ben who looked like he didn't know whether to sit or stand. He had his arms leaning on the reflective table, his hands gripped so tightly together that his knuckles were white despite the tattoos.

"Is it true?"

Ben's eyes were darker than (Y/n) had ever seen them before and she was sure his jaw was going to snap with how tight it was held in place. He leaned over the table until he was sneering at her like a rabid dog that was about to snap and bite her.

"What... Ben I- I don't know what you mean, I don't know why you called me or threatened me like that. What do you think I've done?"

(Y/n) didn't know what she was expecting today but she didn't think he would dive right into accusing her of something. She felt compelled to ask if he was okay, how he was coping, what he actually did this time to land himself back into the place that was becoming his second home. But he had no bruises or broken bones or marks so she guessed he wasn't fighting and was therefore doing okay. And he never told anyone why he got arrested, usually no one wanted to know.

"I talked to Lucy the other day, and she told me your pregnant. Tell me it's not true." His words were quiet but there was no missing the cold tone to his voice or the venom that was on his tongue as he spoke.

There was a burning intensity in Ben's eyes as he watched the emotions flood through (Y/n)'s eyes. She tried hard to stop her eyes from glossing over as her arms wrapped around her chest like she was trying to cut off her breathing and her circulation. She didn't think her and Joe were going to be telling anyone right now but he had clearly confided in Lucy that they were having a baby and she thought it was common knowledge. And with how close she was to Ben it was only natural she was going to talk to him about it because she knew he was friends with (Y/n).

"You want me to lie to you?" (Y/n) curled in on herself when Ben's upper lip curled and he snarled as his eyes narrowed darkly.

"We're you going to tell me?"

"We would have told you when we told everyone else, I didn't know Joe told Lucy-"

"That's not what I asked. I said, when were you going to tell me?" Ben curled his left hand into a fist barring his index finger which he tapped against the table like he was making a point or demanding something from her, which essentially he was.

But (Y/n) couldn't give him an answer because she didn't have one. Ben would have been told by Joe or Lucy or their parents soon enough just like he already had been but (Y/n) wouldn't have told him herself. She couldn't have pushed herself to tell him and she didn't even think she would ever get a phone call off him, let alone come to prison and actually visit him. Never before had she stepped inside a prison and she didn't know if she ever would again. But (Y/n) wondered deep down that if Ben ever got put back in prison and he called, maybe she would come running. She came today because he put the fear of God into her over the phone, but if he was kind and determined like he normally was with her she might have visited him then too.

"You're shitting me, right? You've slept with me for the last year and you don't think to mention you're now pregnant? You think I don't deserve to know you're having my kid?"

"Did Lucy say it was yours?" (Y/n) didn't know where the sudden bolt of courage came from that allowed her to use her voice properly and sit up straight in her chair but the courage disappeared the moment Ben's expression changed. He knew his sister clearly assumed it was (Y/n) and Joe expecting a baby but Ben just knew this was his child. He was the one (Y/n) had been sneaking around and sleeping with for near on a year now so it went without saying that there was a ninety percent chance this was his baby.

"I don't believe that after all the times I fucked you, you went straight home to my inferior brother and slept with him too, or else why would you keep coming back to me? Now you tell me the fucking truth and stop lying to both of us. How many months gone are you and do you honestly believe that's his kid and not mine?"

"I came here because at eight at night you blackmailed me and scared the shit out of me. Who threatens someone down the phone and then shouts at them when they go out of their way to see you? You're in prison Ben, do you get that? You're supposed to be here for the next two years and you think you should have a baby?"

"If you don't answer my questions I will walk away from you right now and the next phone call I make will tell my brother each and every time, place and date where I fucked you behind his back. I have no problem with him finding out that he's so useless, tiring and inferior that you turned to me and still can't help yourself. You want him to know everything we've done behind his tiny little back?"

(Y/n) couldn't hold back the tears that fell from her eyes at his cruel, sadistic words.

There was no fear, remorse or pain in his voice. He was deathly serious that if (Y/n) didn't tell him what he wanted to hear then he would use his threats against her to break his big brother's world into shattered pieces and crush (Y/n) in the process without a second thought.

Ben didn't even care how badly he was upsetting and hurting (Y/n) right now. He had never been like this with her and it was frightening, even with the guards dotted around the large room to protect everyone, (Y/n) still didn't feel safe. Ben had never hurt her before but she knew how cruel he could be and right now she wouldn't put it past him that he might turn to violence with how cruel he was being and how tormented he seemed.

"I'm four months along, and it doesn't matter that I... I know it's your baby. You're in prison, you kill people and frankly sometimes you can be a monster, no child should have someone like you as their dad. As far as everyone knows, this is Joe's baby and you will keep it that way because you are stuck in here. No one will believe you if you tell them and if you do then I can promise your sadistic ass you will not see me or this baby for as long as you live."

(Y/n) knew this was Ben's baby and that thought scared her to the bone because she didn't want her child to grow up with the same sadistic tendencies and gruesome thoughts and actions that Ben did. If her child turned out like the man sitting in front of her (Y/n) would go beside herself and her mind would shatter.

But if her baby grew up with someone like Joe as their dad then those tendencies might never come about and they could have a childhood where they were never afraid of their dad or bullied for who their dad was.

She almost lost herself in thought until Ben slammed his fist down on the table so suddenly and forcefully that (Y/n) jumped back in her seat and recoiled into herself. Her eyes were blown wide with fear as she watched Ben hold his hands up in defence so the guard didn't come over and restrain him for showing an inch of the anger he felt inside of him.

"You have the nerve to call me sadistic? You sleep with me, you sneak around behind my brother's back and then go home to him and pretend that he's enough for you. And now you're telling me you plan to pretend my child his his?"

"You had an affair with your brother's girlfriend and you murder people like you're killing a spider. You fucked me, that doesn't make you a dad which is something you should never be."

(Y/n) watched the way Ben's eyes darted from her eyes down to her stomach that was visibly round beneath her shirt that did nothing to hide it. The more he looked at her stomach, the faster his finger started to tap against the table until he was hitting out a brutal beat that got harder and harder until it felt like he was hammering a nail right through her stomach. She had riled him up, something (Y/n) never wanted to do and she knew if she said one more damning thing to him he would explode.

"Lying to Joe doesn't make him a dad either. Trick yourself all you want but I'm not hiding the fact that you're having my baby, not his. That's my child."

"Too bad no one will ever know that. Goodbye Ben."

(Y/n) pushed herself up from her seat and placed her bag on her shoulder, watching with burning intensity in her eyes as Ben stood up but looked like he wanted to grab her or even shout at her for this. He wasn't finished talking but she wasn't going to continue this pointless conversation any longer. Ben was going to be here for months and (Y/n) wasn't waiting around for him or ruining the life she had just because Ben was too obsessive to let her go. She was going to do something cruel to Joe by lying to him but it was for her baby, not for herself. She couldn't let her baby have Ben as their father and she knew Ben wasn't going to tell because he risked never seeing his child and losing (Y/n).

"You fucking bitch!"

The way Ben almost screamed his tormenting words made (Y/n) stumble back into her chair. She had never seen such rage in someone's eyes before that was directed fully and completely towards her. He looked like she had just told him she had cheated on him with his brother and was having his brother's baby rather than it being the mirrored way around.

There was no time for (Y/n) to back away or scream or even to try and ask Ben to calm down before he grasped the edge of the table and flung it on its side out of rage. (Y/n) half expected him to turn into the hulk at any moment and crush her in the palm of his hand. The tears that fell from her eyes and the shaking in her system didn't impact on him one bit when usually he would have broken down for seeing how he was petrifying her. Ben liked to tease and make her anxious and he didn't normally back down but he had never made her feel afraid for any reason and she had never been scared of him before now.

Guards were alerted from Ben's harsh outburst but they didn't get to him before he took two steps and got to (Y/n). His hands clamped down on her upper arms and pulled her until she stumbled over her uncoordinated feet and into his chest.

"You're fucking lucky your pregnant right now. That's my baby and you can't change that, lying to yourself doesn't make it his child it makes it a murderer's baby and you'll never live that down."

(Y/n) couldn't tell if Ben was shaking her or if she was trembling but either way she felt like she was going to be sick and when Ben's hand held her chin bruisingly she sobbed until someone ripped him off her and another guard pulled her a safe distance away.

She watched in terror and pain as three guards had to pull Ben away and pin him down to the ground when he kicked out at a chair, forcefully and precisely smashed his foot into a guard's chest and then clamped his arm around the poor guard's neck to choke him. Ben flung his head back into a guard's head until he heard the man's nose snap but he didn't manage to do more than push himself onto all fours before he was forced back onto his chest with his arms held behind his back.

(Y/n) didn't know how long Ben would actually spend in prison but she knew it was never going to be long enough for her to cope with what he had just said and done.

She didn't want him in her child's life.

#ben hardy #ben x reader #ben hardy imagine #dad! ben #murderer! ben #BoRhap #joe mazzello #joe x reader #serendipity

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lesbiancarat · 3 years ago

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Lol its fine!! Reply whenever you can ^_^

But ahh true, true. Idk why I thought it would be a hint to the music lol but a sort og an evolution of the concept so to speak. Either way, am excited for the comeback because fresh svt is always iconic. Oohhh the concept photos are all pretty and idk which one to pick jfkshfjsjd. Like they are all very on brand for them but also unique and pretty. Very artsy haha.

Ahh yes, rabbitnwas forever iconic and it was what helped other places like discord to do similar things! But ah understandable!! Both seventeen and nct (when I was getting into kpop more) always felt like BIG well known groups due to their fandoms being so big at least to me. Especially when people always recommended their songs i just assumed they have been around for a while like bts when I joined only to realize they are still rookies. Monster rookies indeed!! The fact so many people love them is enough for me to say they are amazing, well respected and loved by many. Those comments annoy me, especially when people downplay their hard work by claiming 'bighit helped them get more famous' like what!? Yes bighit did help with getting more western attention per se but like downplaying as if they haven't achieved anything at all is confusing to me. Claiming how streaming fans aren't doing s good job to which im like one, mass streaming isn't healthy and two, fans who do try their best and we do beat records of our own. Seventeen isn't unpopular, just because they aren't you know who level doesn't mean they aren't big like do people forget what unpopular means?

Anywhoo, a day late but happy late birthday to our tiger King. May he forever rule the tiger land and take over the world with his tiger agenda lol.

yes! one side fits my aesthetic the best but all the concept photos were nice ^^

and yeah it is annoying but at the same time those people are so detached from reality that I'm just sort of like whatever djflgj like 'it's obvious to anyone who knows what they're talking about you're wrong so I'm not going to bother arguing w you' is sort of my mindset when i see those comments dhfkj bc if i don't think of it that way then i get angry easily. the way i see it bh/hybe definitely is helping SVT with western promotions but like. i don't think SVT/pledis would have been incapable of expanding into the western market on their own if they wanted to. but it's a given that it will be easier and faster with hybe bc they have connections and a reputation in the western market already established. honestly I'd guess that was one of pledis's main incentives for agreeing to the acquisition. but at the same time hybe and western media wouldn't give SVT the time of day if they truly were the flops some ppl try to claim they are lol

and yeah agreed, streaming culture can be super unhealthy. it's one thing to do it if you want to but at the same time don't be losing sleep over it or prioritizing it over your real life responsibilities. and definitely don't guilt trip and say a bunch of toxic things to others to get them to stream... i feel like it would be a lot healthier if fanbases just stuck to simply explaining, hey this is what streaming is and why it can be important (for like music shows etc) and here's how to do it properly if you choose to stream, and then just let people decide for themselves. there would still be people more than willing to do it, and without the guilt tripping maybe even more people would just find it enjoyable. but hey, what do i know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i also think most kpop stans underestimate how many views from from casual listeners and fans vs hardcore fans/streamers. like streaming does make a difference, but not 100M views difference like some people try to act like it does. tbh there are a lot of groups that have a smaller core fanbase than SVT but get hundreds of millions of views bc they have a lot of casual listeners. you can even see it internally too: don't wanna cry is SVTs most viewed MV by a mile, it's the only one to pass 100M views, let alone 200M. and it has nothing to do w carats streaming dwc extra hard, it's bc it's arguably SVTs most well known song outside of the fandom. i see reactors all the time who react to it and say "oh i know this song! i had no idea it was by seventeen" and you can look at the comments section and see a bunch of people saying the song has a fandom of its own/even if you're not a carat you have to know this song

kpop stans also put too much emphasis on views imo and also equate views to popularity, which on the surface might make sense but isn't always the case. actually in terms of profit, groups/companies make the vast majority of their money off of album, merch, and ticket sales than they do off of views. but those are all things that are a lot harder to "sell" than views, because they actually cost money for the consumer, while you can watch an MV for free. hence why it makes sense that there are a lot of groups with hundreds of millions of views that get relatively low album sales. it's easy to convince casual fans and and listeners to watch an MV than to get them to buy something

and I'm not trying to diss other groups at all or try to say groups that consistently get 200M+ views are flops, they're absolutely not. I'm just trying to point out that kpop stans completely underestimate the amount of casual listeners that exist

but this is why SVT is honestly such a fascinating case. their MV views are nothing to write home about, and yet they're the second highest selling k-act at the moment and are in the top 10 if not top 5 highest selling k-acts of all time, their album sales are literally insane. a lot of people chalk it up to carats being bad streamers but like i said before, streaming isn't going to make a difference of hundreds of millions of views. this indicates to me that seventeen have a bigger core fanbase (ie people who call themselves carats and actually keep track of seventeens activities) but a smaller audience of casual listeners compare to other kpop groups. and i think a lot of people, carats, and non carats alike, pick up on this in some way or another but don't realize that's what's going on and it manifests in kind of weird ways sometimes

and this fact isn't something that bothers me, i actually think it's super important more than anything for SVT to have a strong core fanbase if what they're shooting for is longevity. but i do find it strange bc as i said, groups that do better with digitals than physical sales make total sense from a consumer standpoint!! so how did SVT end up like this!! it's so interesting for me to think about. i think i would have a better idea of why this is if i had been around since debut but alas

the only thing i can come up with is that SVT is better at retaining fans or like... getting fans invested in the group so people who become carats are less likely to be multistans? bc multistans play a huge part in both being and attracting casual listeners. they're the ones making video compilations and edits and content that includes multiple kpop groups, which is how a lot of non-fans get interested in other groups. whereas if someone is just a carat and making content for SVT the people most likely to watch that content is ppl who are already carats. i know im not the only one that's noticed it's kind of rare for SVT to be included in multistan edits and videos. which i don't blame anyone for, i think most of those people genuinely just don't stan SVT and they shouldn't be expected to include a group they don't know we'll or at all. at the end of the day ppl can make what they like. but it's interesting to observe as a general trend. but idk SVT potentially having a lower percentage of multistans still isn't really an explanation for why SVT doesn't have as many casual listeners bc those things kind of just go hand in hand. like either one could be the cause of the other one if that makes sense

ANYWAY sorry for the long reply but as i said the ratio of SVTs core fanbase vs casual listeners is a topic i find endlessly fascinating dhfmfj

#melia.ask #📖 anon #long post

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akvtsuki-ari · 5 years ago

Text

Drive Safe

Warnings: Angst, General Spoilers, Mentions of Drug Addiction (really minor but thought I’d include the warning)

Length: 3.9k (holy shiiiiit)

Authors Note: i’m unbelievably excted to be back officially. It’s been so long so I really wanted to come back with a bang and honestly I really like the concept for this fic and im just so so so happy to be writing again. this was heavily inspired by Drive Safe by Rich Brian, so I reccomend giving that a listen while you read. i love spencer reid sm and i also love all of you and i hope you enjoy (also italiscized text is a flasback/memory!!)

Summary: Spencer loves you but your safety comes before him, even if it’s hard

Song

Spencer Reid knew a lot about memories, more than he wanted to know about them for the most part.

He knew that memories began to form at birth, and that the extent of a memory that has important attachments to your personal life can be exaggerated in the mind. He knows that age doesn’t deteriorate memory, more-so that the lack of mental stimulation over time can degrade your brains power - any muscle will work better with consistent exercise. He also knows that sleep can revitalize and restore long-term memories and establish it better overall, according to varying scientific studies on the effects of sleep on the body.

None of that matters really. That is what Spencer knew about memories, in a lot of ways but it wasn’t the full picture.

Spencer also knows that memories make him feel fragile. Old memories with Maeve and their phone calls, drug-related memories that always end with emotions he can’t work himself out of, memories from when Emily was dead and he felt himself crumbling away. Memories were heavy things. Cloudy things . Everything that may have had sunlight was surrounded by dark clouds, and Spencer was simply waiting for the rain to come.

Still, he was used to it. These feelings, as detrimental as they used to be, are managed easier. He was older now, less fragile - even if it hurts, it won’t do him any good to just let it happen. Instead of reminiscing, he works or studies or reads and hopes that the memories will wash out from his head. A storm drain of old wounds, washed by his own attempt to just keep pushing. His attempt to have sanity even when every odd works against him. That's what made him, him.

These days, most days - he finds himself reminiscing much more often. Always thoughts of you, clouding his mind and shifting his focus for the seconds he’d have time. It was always you, your silhouette hung on his door frame. The sound of your voice when you laughed or the way you listened to music like it was the only thing you ever cared to know. Everytime the two of you saw each other, he finds himself holding onto those memories like he was holding on to you. So tightly he held them close to him, much closer than he should allow.

Tears welled in his eyes when he spoke. They were back again, the addiction urged and he wasn’t sure he could be alone, so here he was in your kitchen while the two of you sat across from each other - the table making both of you oceans away. The lights hung over your head like fluorescent stars from a negligible, concrete sky. Your knees were up to your chest, as Spencer looked down at the table wordlessly. Your tablecloth had flowers on them - violets that were faded from all the movement. It was an old tablecloth, he remembered - you loved it because it was so pretty to you and reminded you of your first apartment. Your eyes were fond when you looked at it, comforted by it even after all this time.

“It’s okay to cry,” your voice was so steady. You were just commenting, stating what you felt was obvious.

And he trusts you, so he does cry. He just cries, and lets you see him - comforted by the way you look at him. You never pity him, or make him feel stupid or anything else. You just watch him cry, cry himself to puffy, swollen eyes. You reach your hand out, and he grabs it and just keeps crying.

Memories that he finds himself caring for the most are odd. Maybe to the world that one feels full of sorrow, but it isn’t. Instead, he feels the comfort of your hands - dainty in comparison to his. Instead he remembers the smell of your house, always candles of the ocean-breeze. Instead he finds himself remembering you, the way you move and communicate, how you say so much without uttering one word. Those memories hold him tightly when he sleeps on plane rides - when that urge to cry hits him in his throat, he thinks of you. Those memories of you, and the sound of your voice. He sleeps, as peacefully as he can. Sometimes, he even smiles.

You were cooking to music. You always did that and it didn’t matter about Spencer, you always made enough for two. Just incase he was there, you could be together but if he wasn’t you could have left overs for the next day and it worked out in both of your favors. That was the lovely part of it.

When Spencer came to your apartment, and saw you cooking in the kitchen, hips swaying to music while the steam poured on your part - he felt the way his heart started beating and smiled. It was a bittersweet smile, one that was full of those terrible reminders but he couldn’t help it. You acknowledge him by throwing your wooden spoon up in the air, and waving hello. Spencer laughs, a belly laugh that makes his whole chest feel light. He feels like he’s flying when he’s next to you.

“The menu for tonight is lasagna, salad, and bread. Set the table for me will you, boy genius?,” That nickname would normally make him roll his eyes but never from you. When you did it, he smiled big and bright. It made him feel warm, a childish kind he never thought he could feel. Every time you spoke you made him feel something new

Spencer spent a lot of time with you, admittedly. Those nights were commonplace, but that one sticks out because your lasagna is really good. You make the tomato sauce in a special way that would give Rossi a run for his money.

It was also the first time Spencer had felt how much you made him happy. How every memory of you was so full of something that left him wordless - all your careful actions and quick-witted observations. You were so much more than you seemed to be, so much smarter and wiser and every time he saw you, you were just a little bit more beautiful and Spencer wanted to surround himself in it. To be surrounded by you didn’t sound unpleasant at all, the opposite of that. That sounded so lovely.

Those memories with you were always beautiful. Always unexpectedly profound to him simply because of who you were.

Maybe thats where the fear came from anyways. That cold feeling he got when you touched him, but he knew better. The tighter he held on, the harder it would be to let go. He was held on already but he couldn’t handle letting go - not when you were so much of his sanity. Not if your honest eyes, and honest love kept every case fresh. You were so inevitable

// “Close your eyes, yeah?,” you were excited when you spoke. Spencer laughed and nodded, and did as told. You held his face in your hands and squished, squealing in excitement. Spencer hands ghost over his cheeks when he hears you run off. His face is warm. Your hands were too.

“Hold your hands out okay? Like flat,” you explain carefully. He cracks his knuckles, causing a laugh to erupt from your throat. He smiles, happy to make you laugh and holds his hands, just for you.

“Happy Birthday, boy genius,” you say softly. When he opens his eyes, the lights are turned off and there's a dome with a white button on it. Spencer looks at it confused for a second and by nature presses the button.

Suddenly lights erupt in the room, covered in stars. Hundreds of stars and crescent moons fill the ceiling and wall. The light is on your face as you smile ear to ear. Spencer is smiling too.

“I remembered when you got drunk at Garcias Halloween party, that you always wanted one of these as a kid and then you told me a bunch of cool stuff about space for a while then fell asleep. Plus we always talk about going stargazing sometime, so it felt right. I hope you like it,” you say shyly. Spencer looks at you, noticing how close you are. The only thing between the two of you was the projector, so he places it carefully on the floor and says thank you - but his eyes are unfocused. You were sad for a second, but suddenly Spencer's hands found your face and he kissed you. It wasn’t needy, or desperate but longing. The kind of kiss that you want forever, too afraid to know what happens when it's gone.

When he pulled back, he just looked at you for a second. You were too shocked to speak and even if you could, he wasn’t sure what he’d say back. So instead, you stood up and sat next to him. You leaned your head on his shoulder and just watch the stars, the room, quiet. The two of you at a standstill - unable to do much at all.

Spencer can still taste you. You tasted minty because you chew a lot of gum, but your chapstick tasted like artificial pineapples. You said you were experimenting with different kinds, and he wonders what kissing you at different times would be like. If you tasted different on days not like that one. Maybe that's what makes that kiss so special and the memory so special too.

When he kissed you the first time, he didn’t realize how much it would ease him. Kissing you was like breathing, and that kiss felt like the first time he had managed to get his head over water - no longer drowning in a sea of memories but floating in feelings he thought he lost. You were so fucking incredible, and it was the first time that Spencer found himself itching for something like this.

It scared him. All of his confidence was washed away and he was left cold. He didn’t speak to you for a few months after that - not really anyways. Little check-ups and casual run-ins but nothing more. It didn’t last that long, really.

// “Love, can you please get that cereal from the top-shelf cause its too high and you’d probably be able too if you stood on your tip-toes?,” your voice is so familiar to Spencer's ears. The word love rung out in his head. He peeks around the corner, making sure he’s out of sight before he looks.

There was a man next to you, doing as you said. He was tall, dark haired, and handsome. His build was nice, strong shoulders and jaw. Everything Spencer wasn’t really. His heart sank to his stomach and he shut his eyes for a second before looking back.

“Thank youuuu,” you draw your voice out - you did that to be annoying but it was cute to him. He always liked it. He feels like he can’t breathe.

“You’re so annoying,” the man rolls his eyes and you snort, before laughing again.

“Damn, that hurts. I thought you loved me,” you pouted. The guy shook his head and chuckled.

“I do love you, doesn’t mean you’re not annoying though,” he says rolling his eyes. You laugh loudly, the belly laugh you do when you find something hilarious. Spencer loves the sound but hates the way he hears it. His breathing is shallow.

“Well, fine, whatever. I know you have the date with that one girl in like an hour, but thanks for shopping with me anyways. I just didn’t feel like being by myself today, “ you say warmly. The man gives you a bearhug and chuckles.

“Anything for you, Y/N. We’re all here for you, one call away. It’s the least we can do for our favorite ex-roomate,” he offers.

Everything clicks in Spencers mind as he breathes out with relief. You used to live with a bunch of childhood friends in a house together before you decided to pursue your career. For the most part, they were second family to you. It was back in college and it was cheaper but you’d all go to each other's houses for thanksgiving and stuff like that. He sighs deeply, feeling shitty for not remembering.

Your friend leaves and Spencer does too. He took it as a sign that he shouldn’t speak to you, and continued on that path, unsure of where the road ended at all

That memory makes Spencer's heartache. He couldn’t say it for so long but it was clear to most of the people he knew that he loved you. He loved you like the moon loves the ocean, or how the skyline loves the sun - distant, and longing but gorgeous. Loving you was beautiful but it made him feel tragic, like his heart was after something he couldn’t have.

He touched you, held you, and gave to you so many pieces of him without thinking twice. Who can blame him for his fear of loss? One he’s encountered so many times he’s unsure of what stability feels like. He loves you too much to lose you, so he figures the longer you’re safe and happy, even if it hurts, the better. Defensive mechanics for a broken heart, one like his.

When he finds himself alone on a Saturday night, he isn’t surprised. His eyes are hollowed out, purple and black bags that keep him from looking alive - he didn’t really feel alive either he can’t say. Instead, he watches the world outside of his apartment window - the cars passing in slow-motion, blinding sparks of light that race past.Rain pouring along the streets. The streetlights were working overtime as the whole city was alive, so much sound around him but it was all white noise.

He leans his head back onto the wall and looks down to the phone to his side. He reaches over carefully, unsure of what he’s really doing before he opens up his contact list. Your name sent an ache through his chest.

“Princess Y/N,” he reads to himself, laughing. You had put that in his phone for him a while back, rather upset that your contact name was just Y/N. He didn’t see the problem but you did and so you changed it.

He doesn’t know how to stop himself, as his fingers tap the phone icon next to your name. Every ring feels like hours. He doesn't know what he was doing but he needed to do it whatever it was. One more ring and then, you picked up.

Shit, you actually picked up.

“Hey, Spencer, everything okay?” your voice was warm, full of concern. He’s rendered speechless for a moment.

“Y-yeah. I’m fine, how are you?,” he ask, unsure of what to say. He could feel your hesitation but still waited for a response.

“I’m okay, driving home from a work-party thing,” you say exasperated. Spencer smiles, knowing how your sarcasm shows out for any work-related outings, which made him laugh to himself. You loved your job and co-workers but your boss was a prick.

“Drive safe,” he says soft. His voice is raspy.

“I will, Spencer. Do you need anything else?,” you ask, sighing. As much as you missed him, you didn’t wanna reopen any old wounds, so you figured it’d be best to cut the conversation short.

But Spencer doesn’t want that, so he sighs, curling his knuckles over and over to relieve some of his nerves. Swallowing thick, his voice appears again.

“Can I see you in the morning? Please,” he whispers out to you.

“I’m busy then, but I can just come see you tonight before I’m home, I should be passing by your place soon. Do you need anything?” You ask thoughtfully. You figure something happened so you don’t question it - no matter where you two were you’d always be there for Spencer if he needed it.

“Just you,” the words escape him before he has the time to think about it. Your eyes widen, nearly crashing your car into the side of the road at his comment. It was certainly out of character.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” you say quietly, coughing. Spencer sighs and nods.

“See you soon,”

Even though he was expecting it, the knock on the door had come as a surprise. It was only 15 minutes, and when he answered it, there you stood. You had some middle eastern food in your hand and you were dressed to the nines. A black dress hugs your waist accompanied by gold jewelry and makeup a bit darker than you’d wear most days. You were beautiful, you looked beautiful and Spencer finds his heart beating out his chest.

“I know you said you didn’t want anything but knowing you, you haven’t eaten since you had an off day and you forget to eat on off days - so I bought some falafel with pita, and some other stuff,” you explain, taking your heels off as you walk in, Spencer closing the door behind you. His eyes wander on your hips and you pretend you don’t notice.

“You look nice,” Spencer compliments meekly. You shoot him a small smile

“Thanks,” you mumble out. You settle on a chair in Spencer's house, across ways from his couch where Spencer sits. You open the bags and take out white foam boxes with forks, spoons, and napkins. You slide the box over to Spencer before you take your own and settle down. No awkward tension, too familiar for both of you for it to be that way after all.

For a moment you two eat in silence. The silence isn’t deafening or awkward but surely it doesn’t belong, normally this was filled with idle chatter, the kind you can only have with someone who feels made for you. Spencer looks up at you as he pauses, watching you eat in contentment as your eyes wander around his apartment. He watched you frown as you saw the unrest in his living room, which would likely be unnoticeable to anyone else except the BAU and you.

“What’d you need me for anyways, Spence?,” you ask again, taking another bite of the pita bread in your hands. You lift your hand up to wipe the hummus of your face and Spence smiles sadly.

“Nothing, actually. I just, uh, couldn’t stop thinking I guess,” he explains quietly. You look at him concerned, putting your food down and wiping your hands on a napkin.

“Are the nightmares back, Spence?,”

He shakes his head.

“No. It’s more like reminiscing and I can’t seem to get it to stop. It’s in my dreams too but they’re not nightmares,” he answers, voice hesitant

“What are the dreams about?,” you ask, wanting to get to the bottom of the problem.

“You,” Spencer clarifies. You look at him surprised and your conversation from earlier slips into your head, though you figured Spencer was just distressed and needed company. You didn’t think anything of it, at the time.

“Me?,” you say, voice barely a whisper.

“I can’t get you out of my head, it seems like. And I’ve tried, we stopped talking and seeing each other and I figured it would work for the most part but then it didn’t. I know it’s selfish to call you after all this time but I don’t know how long I can keep up like this,” he recites, almost like he’d been planning this conversation for far too long.

“I don’t know what to say. It really hurt when we stopped talking, and I didn’t know why so I figured you’d just weren’t interested or -” you start but Spencer cuts you off.

“I never lost interest,” he replies firmly. Your face is warm but your heart is heavy.

“I still don’t know what you’re trying to say,” you say, looking up at him.

“I’m in love with you,” Spencer says calmly.

“Oh,”

Spencer's heart aches. You’re a little overwhelmed, to be honest. You knew you loved Spencer but you figured since the beginning it was unrequited so you tried to let it go, though it wasn’t working much.

“Say something, please,” his voice is hoarse, as tears well up in the corners of his eyes. You hurry over to sit next to him as he turns to face you and you wipe his tears away. The feeling of your hands on his make everything in him still.

“I love you too, Spence, I just wasn’t expecting the night to turn out like this, that’s all,” you say chewing your lip. Spencer stared at them longingly before looking up at you.

“It hurt so bad when you started to distance yourself but I figured you were just trying to let me down easy and that you had something else you wanted to pursue. I didn’t know for sure so I never said anything, and just let it happen,” you say back, hands softly at the base of his neck, the other holding his hand.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention you just -,” he cuts himself off but the tug on his hand urges him forward. He shuts his eyes.

“You make me so happy, and the thought of losing that happiness permanently scars me. It would’ve hurt to see you be with someone else but at least…” his voice becomes scarce, his throat constricted.

“At least you would’ve been alive, not harms way, you know?,” he says. A sob chokes its way out of his throat before he lays his head int your shoulder and cries. You smooth the back of his hair, and let him.

“We have so many memories together, Y/N. And try as I might tp let them go, I couldn’t. I’ve never really been good at that, but it was different with you,” he cries softly, tears fall from your own eyes.

“I was trying to move on, but nothing is the same without you, so I’m sorry for putting you in harm's way, but I don’t know what to do anymore. “ he finishes. He sits up and looks at you, eyes sullen.

“I’m in love with you for who you are and what you do. Your job is too big a part of that for me to ignore. I know you’re worried, and I understand that but you deserve to be happy. It’s not careless for you to move on, or love freely. You and that damn BAU are there, just in case danger comes. I trust you and them, so please don’t hold back because you’re scared,” you say softly, pushing his hair out of his face.

“Please be my girlfriend, Y/N,” he says suddenly. You look at him surprised, but you smile - tears and all and kiss him slow.

When you pull back, he returns the favor and kisses you again. You stay like that for longer than either of you like to admit, holding each other close - lips desperate to be near each other, feel each other for just a second longer. Like the whole word will fall away if you don’t.

“Okay, boy genius. I’ll be your girlfriend,” you say, smiling bright. Spencer tackles you with a hug, arms tight around you laid on top of you. The rain outside stops, as the sun peeks out from the skyline as the two of you kiss each other slowly. Too caught up to notice anything except each other. Too in love to bother.

Taglist: @cynbx @skrrrrrrrrrrt @zephyr-studiesjp

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid angst #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds self insert #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds angst #aaaaaa so happy 2 b back #spencer is the whole love of my life dude #so cute #an angel #anyways

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petertingle-yipyip · 5 years ago

Text

Where Happiness Begins - Peter Parker

Chapter Eight - Comeback

//WHB Masterlist //

//Series Inspo: @stuckonspidey @cxptain-capsicle // Series Tags: @mc225g @fandom-princess-forevermore @istg-lyssa-stop @im-a-fucking-mess-jfc @olliekookie @rosegoldhome @chubsluda @missmulti @eternaleviee @freerebel @peter-parker-glee-other @disgustangg @jackiehollanderr @imsobored3000 @eridanuswave //

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Word Count: 7,915 (And this is a condensed version!!)

Summary: Some time has passed since fighting Vulture. Just as Y/N is fully healed, she gets thrown into a battle she doesn’t know if she can handle. All she knows is that she can’t let her dad do it alone. She wants to make sure that even if she doesn’t, he’ll Comeback. But it’s a different story when Peter tags along.

Things had been calm. You knew the calm wouldn’t last forever, but you enjoyed it nonetheless. You had talked to Peter often, having him come to visit on the weekends. You and your dad had finished your nanotech for your latest suit upgrades, along with a few minor tweaks to the Iron Spider suit. Peter helped play with it when he was there and you could tell that he wanted to take it for a test run. Tony wouldn’t allow it and you thought it was kind of funny.

So, you lived a normal life. You helped take care of Stark Industries. You helped Peter with homework. You tried to track down Steve. You tried to contact Thor and Bruce. It was the same things you had been doing, and yet something didn’t feel quite right about your life recently. But you’d never tell your parents that.

You were on a run with your parents one day when your dad wanted to tell you and your mom about the dream he had just had. You noticed he took the housing unit for his nanoparticles, knowing your mom wasn’t a fan of the fact that it was a mock arc reactor. You wondered if your mom knew that you had your bracelets on with your own nanoparticles.

“He’s rambling again, Mom!” You complained as your dad chattered on.

“No, I’m not.” He countered.

“You lost me.” Your mom admitted.

You stuck your tongue out at your dad before smiling in triumph.

“Look, you know how you’re having a dream, and in the dream you gotta pee?” He started over.

“Sure, happens all the time.” You agreed, even though you couldn’t recall that specific sensation.

“Okay. And then you’re like ‘Oh my god, there’s no bathrooms. What am I gonna do? Oh, someone’s watching. Oh, I’m gonna pee.” He kept going.

“And then you wake up and in real life, you actually have to pee.” Your mom finished.

“Yes.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Everybody has that.”

“Right, that’s the point I’m trying to make.”

“I don’t.” You interjected.

“You just said you did!” Tony pointed out.

“I lied.” You shrugged. “Continue.” You motioned for him to keep talking.

“Apropos of that, last night, I dreamt we had a kid. So real. We named him after your eccentric uncle. Uh, what was his name?”

“Right.” Your mom nodded slightly as you spoke.

“Morgan.” You answered.

“Morgan! Morgan.” He exclaimed excitedly.

“So you woke up and thought that we were..”

“Expecting.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?” You asked quickly. “Did you forget you already have a kid? Hello? I’m right here. Y/N Stark, your pride and joy!”

“No.” Your mom shook her head. “I’m not pregnant.”

“I had a dream about it.” He continued, as if he could convince your mom otherwise. “It was so real.”

“If you wanted to have another kid, you wouldn’t have done that.” She tapped your dad mock reactor. “And you wouldn’t have let her do this.” She lifted your wrist to show your bracelet.

“I thought you were leaving those.” He said to you.

“You bring yours, I bring mine.” You slowly took your hand away from your mom’s grip. “Actually, Mom, I’m glad you brought this up.” You began and stepped around your mom to stand by your dad’s side. “These-“ You gestured between your bracelet and your dad’s chest attachment. “-are nothing. They’re housing units for nanoparticles.”

“You’re not helping his case.” She scolded gently.

“No. She’s right. It’s an attachment. It’s not-“ Tony tried.

“But you don’t need it. Neither of you need that.”

“I know, I had the surgery. I’m just trying to protect us, and any future uses. That’s it.”

“Just in case there’s a monster in the closet instead of, you know,” You shrugged.

“Shirts?”

“You know her so well.” He added. “You even finish her sentences.”

“You guys should have shirts in your closets.” She sighed.

“Yeah.” You nodded slowly, agreeing with her on some level.

“You know what there should be?” Your dad said. “No more surprises. We’re gonna have a nice dinner tonight, as a family. Show off this Harry Winston, right? Y/N can bring Peter. And we won’t have any more surprises. I should promise you that.”

“Yes.” Your mom agreed with a smile.

“I will.”

Suddenly, an orange glow created a circle and a man stepped through the new portal. He spoke as if he you knew you. But then again, everyone knew you.

“Tony Stark, I’m Dr Stephen Strange.” He began. You stepped around your mom, stopping a few steps in front of her. You weren’t really sure if you were protecting her or your dad. Maybe both. You glanced at your dad, who only looked at the man in confusion. “I need you to come with me. Oh, congratulations on the wedding, by the way.”

“So, what? You giving out tickets to something?” You added with lifted eyebrows. “What do you need my dad for?”

“Y/N.” Your mom said quietly in warning. She didn’t want either of you to get involved in whatever the guy came asking for.

“We need his help.” Strange explained. “Look, it’s not overselling by saying that the fate of the universe is at stake.”

“And who’s ‘we’?” Tony asked.

“Hey, Tony. Hey, Y/N.” Bruce said as he stepped around Strange.

“Oh my god, Bruce!” You smiled, quickly running to hug him.

“Bruce.” Your dad said in shock.

“Pepper.” Bruce greeted your mom when you stepped away.

“Hi.” She breathed.

Your dad hugged Banner tightly, not having seen him in years. Meanwhile, you spoke to your mom.

“Mom… I think- I think we have to go with him.” You said quietly.

“No. You’re not going anywhere.” She shook her head and took a tight hold of your wrist.

“I can’t let dad do this alone.” You sighed in desperation, you shook your free wrist to emphasize what you meant. You had your suit for a reason, to help your dad. Your mom knew that, and that was the only way she’d allow you to have it.

“Y/N, no.” She tried again, knowing she couldn’t convince you otherwise.

“I’m sorry…” You turned away from your mom, your wrist slipping easily from her grip. “After you, Magic Man.”

You and your dad followed Strange through his portal where he and his friend, Wong, explained everything. They explained the Infinity Stones and Thanos. Bruce explained what happened to Thor, what he had seen. Tony and Strange bickered about what to do with the time stone. You had noticed your dad’s demeanor and attention shift when Bruce mentioned New York. Thanos was behind New York, why your dad wanted to put a suit of armor around the world.

“Probably Steve Rogers.” Tony said.

“Call him.” Bruce insisted.

“It’s not that easy anymore, Bruce.” You began, shrugging slightly. “The Avengers had a falling out.”

“Cap and I fell out hard. We’re not on speaking terms.”

“And no one’s heard from him in months. He just disappeared. Trust me, I’ve tried to find him.”

“You’ve done what?” Your dad turned to you, irritated that you did that without him knowing.

“Doesn’t matter. He’s gone AWOL.”

Your dad rolls his eyes slightly before pulling out a phone that you had never seen before. He mumbled something before opening it and the only contact is Steve.

“You’ve had this the whole time?” You asked in shock. It wasn’t an angry shock, maybe partly. How could he hide this from you? “That’s what was in the box when that old mailman called you Tony Stank, wasn’t it? The package that you wouldn’t tell me what it was?”

“Tony Stank?” Strange chuckled.

Before your dad could offer a rebuttal, the action moved outside. Before you knew it, you were fully suited up and trying to fight off aliens that called themselves the Children of Thanos. Peter also found his way into the mix and you weren’t exactly thrilled about that. All of you fought them as best you could, but they proved to be quite the challenge. And you thought fighting the Vulture was hard.

“Uh, Y/N? I’m getting beamed up.” Peter said over the comms.

“What the hell?” You turned to see a ray of blue light taking Strange and Peter to the donut shaped spaceship.

“We gotta go, Dad. Like now.” You said before taking off to help Peter.

“You mom is gonna kill me.” He sighed, following after you.

“Unlock 17-A.” You said quickly on your way up.

“Gimme a little extra, F.R.I.D.A.Y.” You asked as you tried to save Peter. “You gotta let go, Pete. We’ll catch you.”

“But Mr.Stark said save the wizard!” Peter reasoned before panting. “I can’t breathe.”

“You’re running out of air.” Your dad explained. “He’s too high up.”

“Yeah… That makes sense.” Peter said lazily before falling unconscious and letting go of the spaceship. The pod for 17-A catches up to him quickly, releasing the Iron Spider suit. Peter quickly comes to and lands on the bottom half of the spaceship. Your dad sends Peter home before you two sneak onto the ship.

“Incoming call from Ms. Potts.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. announces to you both.

“You answer it.” You said quickly.

“Oh my God.” She said to your dad. “Are you two alright? What’s going on?”

“Yeah, we’re fine..” He answered carefully, looking around the alien ship. “I think we’re gonna have to push our 8:30 res.”

“Why?”

“Just cause… We’ll probably not make it back for a while.”

“Tell me you two are not on that ship.”

“Yeah.” He sighed.

“God, no. Please tell me you’re not on that ship. Where’s Y/N?”

“I’m sorry, Mom.” You said sadly. You weren’t one hundred percent sure she would hear, but you wanted to know you said it. “I don’t know what to say.” You admitted.

“Come back here right now! Both of you, I swear to God.”

The call broke off as did F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s automated voice. You and your dad watched from above, trying to think of a way to get the Doctor out safely. Strange’s Cloak appears next to you as does Peter.

“What the hell are you doing here?” You grabbed him by his arm and yanked him out of view.

“You should not be here.” Tony said from your side. “I specifically sent you home.”

“I was gonna go home-” Peter tried.

“I don’t wanna hear it.” Tony shook his head.

“But it was such a long way down and I just thought of her being here on the way…” Peter looked at you with a slight blush on his cheeks.

“And now I have to hear it.” Tony sighed in exasperation.

“A-And this suit is ridiculously intuitive, by the way. So if anything, it’s your guys’ fault that I’m here.” Peter tried to explain.

“Excuse me?” You said seriously.

“What did you just say?” Your dad said with the same tone.

“I take that back.” Peter said quickly. “And now I’m in space.”

“Exactly where you don’t need to be.” You pushed your fingers through your hair.

“You’re one to talk.” Tony glared at you. “This is a one way ticket, do you both hear me? Don’t pretend that either of you thought this through. You could not have possibly thought this through.”

“I did not think this through.” Peter admitted.

“I didn’t have to.” You countered, almost defiantly. “I saw the look on your face when Bruce talked about New York.”

“And what does that mean, young lady?”

“It means that I promised Mom you wouldn’t do this alone. Wherever you go, I’m going. Wherever you die, I’m dying.”

“This isn’t your fight!” Your dad insisted.

“Wait, we’re not gonna die, are we?” Peter asked in concern.

“See him down there?” Tony said instead of arguing with you. You didn’t say anything else on the subject and simply looked back down to Strange. “He’s in trouble. What’s your plan?”

The three of you knelt down, looking between the bars to see the Doctor. You saw the alien man steering the ship. You rubbed your forehead in thought. You couldn’t fire anything at the alien. It could put a hole in the ship or even get Strange killed.

“Did you ever see this really old movie, Aliens?” Peter said suddenly as he stood upright.

After Peter explained his idea, you all got into positions. You watched, waiting for your dad’s signal. It’d be an understatement to say that you were scared. You were hundreds of miles from home, on an alien spaceship, headed to some alien planet, and trying to keep the Time Stone away from Thanos. You wondered how your life had changed so much.

“Could end your friends life in an instant.” The alien concluded when your dad landed behind him.

“I gotta tell you, he’s not really my friend.” You dad said simply.

“Saving his life is more of a professional courtesy.” You added as you appeared next to Strange.

“You’ve saved nothing.” The alien mocked, calling for large objects from on the ship to surround him. “Both of your powers are inconsequential to mine.”

“He has a point.” You leaned over to joke with your dad.

“Yeah, but your boy has seen more movies.” He answered.

You dropped to the floor as your dad shot a missile over the alien’s shoulder. It blasted a hole in the side of the ship, sucking out the alien and the doctor. You shot a wire from your forearm, aimed at Strange’s ankle, but a loose piece of metal knocked the wire off course.

“Loose Wizard!” You exclaimed without moving, knowing that if you got up you’d be gone too.

Peter shoots a web at Strange, his artificial limbs catching him from flying through the hole. He pulls Strange back inside and once they’re both safe, you and your dad shoot nanites to cover the opening. While Peter tried to talk to Strange’s Cloak, you and your dad let your suits return to their housing units and stand in front of the vast window.

“We’ve gotta turn this ship around.” Strange said pointedly.

“Now he wants to run.” You rolled your eyes.

“I want to protect the stone.” He clarified.

“And I want you to thank us. Now. We’re listening.” Your dad added, standing by your side with crossed arms.

“For nearly blasting me into space?” Strange laughed.

“Who just saved your magical ass, hmm?”

“I seriously don’t know how you fit your head into that helmet.”

“You should’ve ducked out. I tried to bench you and you refused.”

“Unlike everyone else your lives, I don’t work for either of you.” He looked between you and your dad.

“And now we’re billions of miles from Earth in a flying donut with no backup.”

“We’re backup.” Peter added form your other side, raising your hand with his.

“No, you two are stowaways.” He shook his head before gesturing between himself and Strange. “The adults are talking.”

“Wh- what is he, your ward?” Strange looked at your dad.

You took your hand from Peter’s and thunked the back of his head. He looked at you with wide eyes and you gave him a look that said for him to shut up.

“He’s Peter.” You introduced him. “He’s not anyone’s ward.”

“Dr. Strange.” He said quickly.

“We’re using made up names!” Peter added. “Then I’m Spiderman.”

“I’m going to kill him.” You said quietly, walking away from Peter and towards the controls of the ship. “It’s on autopilot. Look, it’s self-correcting.”

“Can we control it?” Strange asked. You turned, thinking he was talking to you, but he was talking to your dad. Your dad was lost in thought, staring at the emptiness in front of him. “Stark?”

Your dad didn’t answer. You moved to stand beside your dad, placing a hand on his shoulder gently.

“Stark.” Strange said with more urgency.

“Shut up.” You said in annoyance. You shook your dad slightly. “Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

He offered a small smile before placing his hand over yours. “Yeah, I’m alright. Thanks.” He said softly to you.

“You’re not alone.” You offered.

“I know.” He nodded. “Maybe that makes it worse.”

“Can you get us home?” Strange interrupted.

“Yeah, we heard you.” You said in annoyance, again.

“I’m not so sure we should.” Your dad replied.

“We cannot bring the Time Stone to Thanos.” Strange said like your dad was stupid. “I don’t think you quite understand what’s at stake here.”

Your dad turned on his heel and snapped. “No, it’s you who doesn’t understand that Thanos has been inside my head for six years since he sent an army to New York and now he’s back! And I don’t know what to do. So I’m not so sure if it’s a better plan to fight him on our turf or his but you saw what they did, what they can do.”

“At least on his turf…” You offered support. “He’s not expecting it. So we take the fight to him. You in, Doc?”

Strange paused, looking between the three of you. “We go to him.” He agreed hesitantly. “But if it comes to saving you or your daughter or her lover over the Time Stone, I will not hesitate to let any of you die.”

“Great. Moral compass.” You nodded once before looking to Peter. Your dad tapped both shoulders, mimicking someone being knighted.

“Alright, kid. You’re an Avenger, and not my daughter’s lover.” He stared pointedly at Strange, not wanting to look at Peter. You knew that your dad knew what he was signing Peter up for.

Peter stares in disbelief before smiling widely to you. You offer a smile, but not one with any joy behind it. You knew how dangerous it was to dub Peter an Avenger, especially in that moment. It was suicide to be on that ship. You knew from the moment you stepped inside. But if you did die, you had prayed Peter would live.

You and Peter sat on the floor by yourselves. You had one knee bent, and an arm resting on top. Peter had his arms wrapped around both bent knees and was staring in concentration at the floor.

“I can’t believe you’d be so stupid.” You nagged.

“W- What do you mean?” He replied, taken back by your sudden anger.

“Why the hell are you up here?”

“I- You were- And then I- I don’t know, you were coming.” He tried to reason.

“Peter, do you remember what I told you in Germany? That I put on this suit to help him?” You pointed to your dad, who was bickering with Strange still. “I didn’t do this for fun.”

“I know. I know.” He nodded. “But I can help.”

“You’re going to get yourself killed.” You scoffed.

“I can handle myself, Y/N.” He said. His voice was defensive, with hints of sadness. “I thought it’d be different between us.”

“Why?”

“After that night on the beach, with Vulture, I thought we’d be different.” He wrung his fingers and avoided your eyes.

“Peter, why do you think I’m so pissed that you’re here?” You let your head fall so you could look at him. “I don’t want you to get hurt… Do you understand that we-” You took a deep breath to steady your racing heart and churning stomach. “We might not be going home.”

“Mr. Stark can get us home.” Peter said with certainty. “If anyone on this ship can, it’s him.”

“Peter-”

“He can do it!” He said with more determination. “We’re going to go home.”

“You said we’d be better… Together.” He added when you were silent.

“Well, I didn’t want us to die together.” You let your head fall back against the ship wall.

“Not yet..” He mumbled.

“I hate you.” You said casually. “You do know that, right?”

“Wait, what?” His eyes went wide. “What did- Cause I’m in space? I didn’t- That’s n- That’s not fair!”

You chuckled lightly, taking his hand in yours. You squeezed slightly and Peter laced his fingers through yours. You thought back to what Strange called Peter when he was asking your dad who Peter was, your daughter’s lover. You thought about what that word could mean, the weight it held. You could be a romantic lover, a sexual lover, a platonic lover. So what was Peter to you? Not sexual in any sense, but you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about it from time to time. Thought of Peter in your room at night for more than to get a cut cleaned and stitched. Sure, you loved Peter as a friend. Who wouldn’t? And you knew you had feelings for Peter, but was it enough to call him your lover?

“Come on.” You said when your mind settled. You stood, leaving Peter and the gentle grip he had on your hand. A cold emptiness quickly took place of Peter’s warm hand, but you ignored the itch to reach for him as you approached your dad and Strange. Peter wasn’t too far behind.

Peter knew that wasn’t the time to be thinking of you. It wasn’t the time to remember you falling asleep against him on the plane back from Germany. He shouldn’t be thinking about your hands on his face when you went to his school. And he definitely shouldn’t be thinking about the rasp in your voice after fighting Vulture, and how he found that incredibly sexy. He definitely shouldn’t think about being with you, in every way he could be. Peter was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize people were talking to him.

You nudged Peter when Strange asked Peter how he got his powers.

“Y/N?” Your dad asked, pulling you away from Peter and Strange.

“We aren’t going home, are we?” You asked quietly when you were out of earshot from Peter. You figured he’d be able to hear you anyways, but maybe he wasn’t paying enough attention to find your voice. You swallowed back tears, setting a determined face for your dad. You knew your dad was already scared. You couldn’t let on just how scared you really were. “After we get to Thanos, that’s it for us. Isn’t it?”

“You’re going home.” He assured you. “I’d die before I let anything happen to you.”

“That’s the problem, Dad.” You whined. “I need you to live for me. I know that you want to protect me, but I don’t know a life without you and I don’t want to. I shouldn’t have to.”

“Y/N/N, you’re just a kid. You shouldn’t even be here.” He said softly, pulling you towards him for a tight hug. You let out a shaky breath and shook your head slightly. “Your mother is going to kill me if you get hurt. You do know that, right?”

You laughed sadly. “And she’s going to kill me if you don’t come home with me. Dad, we both go home, or neither of us go home.” You said, not leaving any room for discussion.

“That’s not what I meant.” He sighed, pulling away enough to look down at you. “If only one of us is go-”

“Uh, Mr. Stark?” Peter called, drawing both of your attention elsewhere. “What’s going on?”

“Looks like we’re here.”

“This thing isn’t slowing.” You noted out loud. “Dad!?”

“I don’t think this rig has a self-park function.” Your dad realized, quickly moving to one of the steering controls and sending Peter to the other. “Get your hand into this steering gimbal. Close those around it. Got it?”

“Yup, got it.” Peter said, following the directions and trying his best.

“This was meant from one big guy so we gotta move at the same time.” Tony instructed.

“You might wanna turn.” You said, watching the tall hill coming closer to the ship. “Turn! Turn! Turn!!”

Strange puts a shield around your group, your dad suits up, Peter dawns his mask. You quickly suit up and grab onto your dad when the side of the ship collides roughly. Your and your dad are thrown to the ground, Peter is thrown as well. You reached your hand out as Peter rolled. He grabbed your outreached hand and you pulled him back to you. The ship rattled you all, tossing your bodies enough to hit the ground again. When the colliding stopped, you all stood up carefully and looked at the new planet you were on. You didn’t see Peter around you and part of you panicked. Peter came down from above you, upside down like a real spider.

“Are you alright?” You asked your dad who simply nodded. You turned to Peter who gave you a thumbs up. “Thanks, Strange. I owe you.”

“Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something, and I eat one of you, I’m sorry.” Peter said randomly.

“Not another pop culture reference from you for the rest of the trip. You understand?” Your dad pointed at Peter.

“I’m trying to say that.. something’s coming.” Peter explained.

Right as those words left Peter’s mouth,a grenade rolled across the floor. The blast sent everyone in a different direction. Through the smoke, you saw three silhouettes enter the ruins of the ship you travelled in. One of them came in yelling and threw a blade that Strange easily deflected. The Cloak attacked the knife man while your dad fights with a different one.

“Next time, Spidey, just say that!” You shouted in moderate annoyance. You looked around and tried to find Peter, but you only heard his shouting voice.

“AH!” Peter screamed as he crawled backwards. “PLEASE DON’T PUT YOUR EGGS IN ME!”

You easily aimed and shot a wire around their ankles while Peter shot a web to pin their arms to their body. Whoever was fighting your dad comes at the two of you feet first, kicking you into each other.

“You go high, I’ll go low?” You tell Peter as you get to your feet. He nods and swings towards their head. You drop to a kneel and kick out at their knees, making them buckle. They couldn’t keep up at first until they fired their weapon and locked Peter in an electric coil.

“Shit.” You mumbled as you hurried to free your dad of the magnet he was stuck in.

“Gee, thanks for the help.” He commented sarcastically.

“Eh, should’ve said something.” You shrugged.

You and your dad stood over the one who was stuck in the Cloak. The man with the gun grabbed Peter, pointing a gun at his head. Strange stood with his magic ready, and their third friend was still stuck in Peter’s webs.

“Lower the gun.” You said firmly, raising your own blaster at him and keeping the other trained on the man on the floor.

“Everybody, stay where you are. Chill the F out.” The man announced. His mask disappeared and you noticed he seemed human. “I’m gonna ask you this one time. Where’s Gamora?”

“Yeah, I’ll do you one better.” Your dad replied, dropping his mask. “Who’s Gamora?”

“I’ll do you one better. Why is Gamora?” The man on the floor exclaimed.

“I’m going to ignore that because that was ridiculous and I’m embarrassed for you.” You shook your head once, letting your mask fall away. “Let him go.”

“Tell me where the girl is, or I swear to you, I’m gonna French Fry this little freak.” He warned.

“Let’s do it!” You and your dad exclaimed at the same time. “You shoot her guy, I blast him. Let’s go!” Your dad continued. The nanites shifted the regular blaster to a canon with an opening bigger than the man’s head.

“Do it, Quill!” That was the man’s name. “I can take it!”

“I seriously doubt it.” You commented over your shoulder.

“She’s right. You can’t.” Strange agreed.

“You don’t want to tell me where she is? That’s fine.” Quill laughed out of stress. “I’ll kill all of you and beat it out of Thanos myself. Starting with you.” He pushed the gun against Peter’s head harder.

“You do that again and I’ll shoot that hand off before you can pull the trigger.” You threatened quickly, lifting your second hand to point at Quill.

“Y/N, wait.” Strange said suddenly. “Let me ask you this. What master do you serve?”

“What kind of…” You trailed, turning to look at Strange.

“What am I supposed to say? Jesus?” Quill mocked.

“You’re from Earth?” Your dad clarified.

“I’m not from Earth. I’m from Missouri.”

“That’s on Earth, dip-shit!” You said in annoyance, lowering your blasters. “Come on, let the kid go.”

“What are you hassling us for?” Your dad asked.

“So, you’re not with Thanos?” Peter asked in a small voice.

“With Thanos?” Quill’s voice betrayed offense. “No, I’m here to kill Thanos. He took my girl. Wait- who are you?”

“We’re the Avengers, man.” Peter said as he dropped his mask. Your chest tightened at Peter being able to officially say he’s an Avenger.

“You’re the ones Thor told us about!” The girl in the back exclaimed happily.

“You know Thor!?” Your dad was relieved to hear that Thor had been around.

“Yeah. Tall guy, not that good looking. Needed saving.” Quill tried to be cool.

“Look, Marty McFly, where is he now?” You asked, mocking his 80’s costume.

After Quill let go of Peter, he explained Thor went to some fabled forge to get a “Thanos killing kind of weapon”. You helped the girl, Mantis, get out of the webs and apologized for locking her ankles. As Quill wandered the planet, measuring whatever it was he was measuring and talking to your dad, you stood away from everyone. Peter soon joined you with a cheeky grin.

“Don’t give me that look.” You couldn’t help but smile.

“You almost shot a guy’s hand off for pointing a gun at me.” He said happily.

“He was going to shoot you, Peter.” You rolled your eyes in amusement. “I told May I’d look out for you, remember? That includes keeping you alive.”

“You like me.” Peter teased.

“Not right now, I don’t.”

“How long have you been in love?” Mantis asked, suddenly in front of you.

“Jeez, you’re quiet!” You exclaimed in shock. “We’re not- I don’t think we-“

“I felt it! When you shook my hand.” She explained. “You love him!”

“Y/N? Did you hear what I said?” Your dad called out.

“Huh? No, sorry.” You yelled back. “Come on.” You lead Peter to your dad, Mantis close behind.

“Not winging it isn’t really what we do.” Quill commented as you two apporached.

“So you guys actually do something?” You mocked.

“What exactly is it that they do?” Peter asked.

“Kick name. Take ass.” Mantis said confidently.

You and your dad shared a look and sighed internally.

“Okay, look, just get them over here.” You said, trying to get some control of the situation. You and your dad both knew your time to plan was running out.

“Mr. Lord, can you get your folks to circle up?” Your dad said with mock politeness.

“Mr. Lord.” Quill repeated. “Star Lord is fine.”

“Now that’s a made up name.” You joked with Peter, who chuckled under his breath. “Your hair looks cute.” You smiled as Peter blushed. You turned your focus back to the conversation.

“Don’t call us plucky.” Quill stated. “We don’t know what it means.”

“We’re doomed.” You announced plainly.

“Tell them about the dance-off to save the universe.” Drax said with pride.

“A dance-off?” You and your dad laughed.

“Like in Footloose, the movie?” Peter commented.

“Exactly like Footloose!” Quill agreed quickly. “Is it still the greatest movie in history?”

“Was it ever?” You retorted as Peter said “It never was.” You both laughed as Tony spoke again.

“Don’t encourage him, alright?” He said simply.

“Yeah, sorry.” You nodded with a laugh.

“We’re getting no help from Flash Gordon here.”

“Flash Gordon?” Quill interjected. “That’s a compliment. I’m half-human, okay? So the 50% of me that’s stupid, is 100% you.”

“Does your friend often do that?” Mantis pointed to Strange who was cross legged, floating with his head twitching and the stone glowing around his neck.

Your dad went over and got Strange back to reality. He came back with a start, as if he was out of breath.

“What the hell was that?” You asked carefully, hurrying to see if he was okay.

“I went forward in time to view alternate futures. To see all possible outcomes of the coming conflict.” Strange explained.

“How many?” You asked quietly. Something about the way Strange explained it didn’t sit right with you.

“How many?” Peter asked for you.

“14,000,605.”

“How many did we win?” Your dad asked.

Strange looked at you, then back to your dad, then over to Peter before looking back to Tony. “One.”

That fear hit you in the stomach. Something bad was going to happen to either you, Peter, or your dad. You knew you couldn’t live without either of them, whether or not it saved the world. You didn’t care if it was selfish. You didn’t care about the world if it didn’t have the people you cared about in it.

“We’re going to die.” You said to yourself.

“Y/N.” Peter said, tugging your hand slightly. He tilted his head for you to follow him so you two slipped away while the rest came up with a plan.

“I don’t want to die.” You said quietly.

“You’re not going to.” Peter reassured you.

“I don’t want you to die.”

“I won’t.”

“I don’t want my dad to die.”

“He won’t.”

“Did you see the way Strange looked at us?” You said a little louder. “One of the three of us isn’t going home. At least one of us won’t make it.”

“You’re gonna be fine, I promise!” Peter said suddenly.

“Maybe not this time.”

Peter hesitated. He wanted to kiss you, at least once before the fight of your lives, but your dad called you two back. You got into positions and waited for Thanos to arrive. Peter wouldn’t get that chance again.

“If only one of us-” You tried to tell your dad as Strange talked to Thanos.

“Y/N Stark, if you say what I think you’re going to say, you’re grounded forever.” He cut you off.

“I think.. you’ll find.. our will.. equal to yours.” You heard Strange, summoning his magic.

“Showtime.” You said after a deep breath. The fight of your lives.

“Ours?” Thanos asked as you and your dad lead a piece of the ship’s wreckage to come crashing down on top of him.

“Piece of cake.” Your dad commented as you and him went separate ways. “Quill.”

Thanos used the Reality Stone to turn the wreckage to bats and chase down you and your dad. The bats chase your dad into the ruins, while they chase you into the ground. You swat at them, knowing they aren’t real but find them impossible to beat. Until suddenly they’re gone.

“Magic!” You heard Peter’s voice. “More magic!” You turned, trying to find Peter. “Magic with a kick!” Peter flew through a portal Strange made for him. “Magic with a-” Peter’s voice was cut off by Thanos grabbing him by the throat and throwing him into Strange.

You charged into battle, joining your dad in assaulting Thanos with shots. Thanos absorbed the fire within one of the Stones and sent it back at you and your dad. You two didn’t have time to react and were sent through an old wreck.

“Y/N?!” Your dad shouted when he got his bearings.

“Help.” You said with a cough as a piece of the wreck and pinned you down and was weighing on your chest. You held your hand out for your dad, who grabbed it and pulled your free.

“Should’ve stayed on Earth, huh?” He said and you could tell he was using sarcasm to cover his worries.

“And miss the fun?” You joked breathlessly. “Nah. Can’t get chest pain like this back home.”

“The gauntlet.” Your dad commented as you took in the scene in front of you. They had Thanos down to one knee, an arm pinned and his hand with the gauntlet held open. Mantis dropped in, trying to put Thanos to sleep. Even though she put everything she had into it, he wouldn’t go fully under.

You and your dad hurried to help, both of you pulling on the gauntlet. You call Peter over to help and the three of you nearly have it off. Until something caught your attention.

“He took her to Vormir.” Nebula explained. “He came back with the Soul Stone… but she didn’t.”

“Shit.” You mumbled. You let go of your pull on the gauntlet and moved to stand in front of Quill, your helmet now gone and your hands slightly out in front. “Okay, Quill? Hey, you gotta cool it, like right now. You understand?”

Quill looked around you to Thanos.

“Don’t. Don’t. Don’t engage. We’ve almost got this off!” Your dad added.

“Listen to me, Quill.” You tried again.

“Tell me she’s lying.” Quill pleaded. “Asshole! Tell me you didn’t do it!”

“I.. had.. to..” Thanos breathed.

“Dad!” You shouted, hurrying to trade spots with him and Quill moved to push past you to get to Thanos. You replaced your dad in pulling on the gauntlet, and your dad tried to calm Quill.

“We got it!” Peter shouted as the fingers came loose. “We got it!”

Thanos came to and quickly knocked Mantis away from him. He yanked the gauntlet from your hands, sending you and Peter to the ground.

“Oh, God.” Peter lept away to help Mantis when he realized how high she was thrown.

When Quill and his crew are knocked to the side, you charge back into battle at your dad’s side. You both fire blasts at Thanos, but are swatted away like flies. Thanos knocked you both into the ground and using the stones, shattered one his planet’s moons and crushed you both under the rubble.

The air was knocked from your lungs, and your forehead slammed the ground. You were thankful for how the nanites absorbed impact better than old suits, or else you knew something would’ve broke. You coughed heavily as you and your dad tried to shove the piece of the moon off you both.

“Okay.” You groaned as you stood up. “That one hurt.”

“It’s a moon, Y/N. I think it was meant to hurt.” You could practically hear your dad rolling his eyes.

“What are we gonna do, Dad?” You asked honestly. “If we can’t get that gauntlet off, we can’t stop him.”

“And we won’t get that shot again.” Tony agreed, knowing where your head was at. “We just have to hope this is the one where we win.”

“Where the world wins..” You corrected. “But our family loses.”

You turn your attention back to the fight and you see Strange had made projections of himself to surround Thanos.

“Dad.” You said to get his attention. “Your wizard is gonna need some help.”

You and your dad quickly head back and see Strange be knocked unconscious. Your dad sends a replacement hand to keep Thanos from closing his fist as you two land in front of him.

“You throw another moon at us.” Your dad begins, the irritation obvious in his voice. “And I’m gonna lose it.”

“Stark.” Thanos greeted you both. “And the Little Stark.”

“You know us?” Your dad asked.

“I do.” He nodded. “You two aren’t the one ones cursed with knowledge.”

“Our only curse is you.” You commented, small rockets launching out of both your suits.

The rockets go off, blinding Thaons with smoke. You two go on the offensive, kicking Thanos with your super-jet function. Upon landing, you both use that same function to stabilize yourselves as you turn your fists to battering rams and knock Thanos into the ruins behind him.

The titan reached out and yanked off both of your masks. As your suits were recovering, Thanos landed a solid punch to both your faces, sending you flying several meters apart. Thanos used that time to remove the spare hand your dad had launched earlier, and utilized his Power Stone to shoot incredible blasts at both of you. You managed to get a shield up in time, and were only pushed back by the force of the energy.

You spun away and charged Thanos, who simply chuckled. You aimed a kick, and when it missed, you clamped your foot to the ground as your dad was coming in to help. You both landed a battering ram powered punch to the face, cutting the titan’s cheek.

“All of that for a drop of blood.” Thanos commented in disgust.

He knocked you both away, your dad landed farther than you did. Thanos threw punches, landing sharp blows to your face. You threw your forearms up to defend yourself, but the titan didn’t let up. He grabbed you by your helmet, and blasted you with the Power Stone. You knew your nanites had to be losing the ability to recover. It was too intense, too much damage.

You shakily got to a kneel, shooting a repulsor at Thanos. Your dad was by your side suddenly, helping you to your feet and trying to give you time for your suit to repair. You fired again, but Thanos deflected it easily and backhands you both into the rocks behind you. In one well angled blow, he knocked off what was left of both your helmets. You threw your forearms up to block the next, and Thanos took your left arm in his hand. You redirected your nanites to your right hand for a blade and you saw your dad do the same out the corner of your eye. When you swung your right hand, Thanos caught it, turned your around and snapped the blade off. He let go of your left hand to catch your dad’s blade.

Thanos snapped both weapons off and drove them into both of your exposed sides. You gasped suddenly, your breath caught in your throat. A small whimper left your mouth as Thanos back you two both into a sitting position.

“You have my respect, Starks.” He said to you both. “When I’m done, half of humanity will still be alive. I hope they remember you.”

Your head bobbed, you coughed blood. You let your head fall back and your eyes fluttered. The pain was still there, your breathing was hitched. You turned your head, looking for Peter. You couldn’t find him.

“Dad..” You managed, reaching out for his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Y/N/N.” He nodded, carefully reaching to pull out the blade.

You felt the tears welling in your eyes. You could see the glow of the Stones as Thanos raised his fist. “I’m so sorry.”

“Stop!” Strange yelled suddenly. “Spare their lives… And I’ll give you the Stone.”

“Strange, no!” You managed. “I’d rather die than let him win.”

“Y/N…” Peter said softly, suddenly kneeling beside you.

“Hi, Petey.” You whispered, a sad smile on your lips. “You okay?”

Tony helped you seal your wound before dealing with his as Thanos leaves. You lost.

“Why would you do that?” Tony asked Strange. He wasn’t mad. He was heartbroken. Without looking at Strange, your dad helped you to your feet and carefully passed you to Peter for support. Peter carefully put an arm around your waist as you draped an arm over his shoulders. You tried not to lean too heavily on him.

“We’re in the Endgame now.” Strange answered simply.

“What does that mean?” You asked hoarsely. “Was all of that for nothing?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Bullshit!” You screamed, your voice breaking. “Did we just get our asses handed to us for nothing? 14 million futures and you can’t say which one this is?” You laughed in disbelief. “And what happened to not sparing our lives, huh? I guess that didn’t matter cause we’re as good as dead right now anyways, right?”

“Y/N..” You dad said, putting a hand on your shoulder. “We knew this was a long shot.” He said gently, hoping to calm you down. Your dad’s voice was calm, and his words were intended to be soothing, but the sadness in his eyes made your chest tight. He knew what was coming. “We did what we could.”

“I guess staying on Earth wouldn’t have mattered, huh?” You asked him with a small chuckle.

“I guess not.” Your dad offered a sad smile.

“Something… is… happening.” Mantis said in confusion before disappearing to ashes.

“Dad?” You said, a sick feeling creeping into your stomach as you watched the others around you turn to ash.

“Tony, there was no other way.” Strange said before fading.

“Peter? I-“ Now you were scared.

Your dad saw it before you did. You were disappearing, just like the rest of them.

“I love you, fore-.” You couldn’t finish before disappearing fully.

Tony dropped to his knees in front of what was left. Nothing but a pile of dust was left where you were once standing. He knew what you were going to say. He didn’t get to hear you say it. He didn’t get to say the rest. You didn’t get to hear it. Tony felt the crushing guilt grip his heart. He promised you a hundred times that day that you’d be going home, that you’d be safe and sound even if no one else was. But he failed. That’s what Tony felt. Like he had failed.

“And ever.” Tony whispered.

“I love you.” Peter said to himself, wishing he had the courage to tell you just a few minutes ago.

Peter felt empty. He wasn’t sad. He didn’t want to cry. Peter felt numb, nothing. He had come close to losing you more times than anyone should in the short amount of time that he knew you, and now you were really gone. Who would answer his calls when he couldn’t sleep? Who would ask him for help in Physics that they really didn’t need? Who would suit up at 3 a.m. just to hang out on top of a skyscraper? He shouldn’t have hesitated.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter said as he realized he’s fading too. Peter felt it coming. His super healing tried to save him, tried to fight back. But not even Spiderman could cheat this death. “I don’t feel so good…”

“You’re all right.” Tony said, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. He already lost his daughter. He couldn’t lost Peter too. “You’re gonna be okay.”

“I don’t know what’s- I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t-“ Peter fell forward into Tony’s arms. Peter didn’t fully understand what was happening, and that scared him the most. “I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna go. Mr. Stark, please. Please, I don’t wanna go…. I’m sorry.” Peter’s fear-filled rant ended as he faded from Tony’s arms too.

Tony looked at his hands, your ashes on one and Peter’s on the other.

“He did it.” Nebula confirmed sadly.

Tony sat in silence, mourning the loss of his only child and the kid that meant more than anyone thought he would. In those moments, he realized he didn’t know if Pepper had survived. Had he just lost everything? Would what he had left be enough compared to what he lost? Would he ever get home to find out?

#beaconfalls whb #where happiness begins #peter parker fanfic #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter x you #peter x yn #peter parker x you #peter parker x yn #peter parker x stark!reader #tony stark #infinity war #marvel #marvel fanfic #avengers iw

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transrightsjimin · 4 years ago

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this might seem like a silly question but do you think tae has been okay this past year? i used to be super into bts 2013-17 and im getting back into them again so ive been watching run bts but he seems so much more quiet than i remember, ive only watched the last maybe 6 eps but i was just wondering do u think hes just tired or is this something thats been consistent? idk how to phrase my question properly i hope you understand

i dont want to psychoanalyze him too much (and have already been accused of doing so nd been attacked bc i once said i relate to him a lot in terms of my autism nd that seeing him makes me happy but. whatever lol) so i’ll just go by what he shared w us nd what is known. i’ve been a fan since 2014 and knew the group since 2013 so i will share what i know and read throughout the years. i hope my answer is a bit more helpful than the quora pages where people ask something similar to your ask (but with infantilizing nd ableist language instead) but in the end, i don’t know him nd just go by interviews and past observations.

Taehyung has shared w fans that he has been feeling depressed the past year and dealt w sleeping problems, which i think he has mentioned in a few times but the first one i can think of is in his interview in Weverse magazine, where he discusses how tired and down he’s felt in 2020. He also explains his thoughts behind the song Blue & Grey, which is meant to comfort people in that sort of headspace. while i think he has become more quiet over the years in general, you can def see his mood change the past year. as a side note, i notice the same about the other members when watching old concerts and such. they put a lot of effort and energy into activities they could do lately but i was still really caught off guard seeing how much more happy and excitable they all looked when in front of a real audience. which is all understandable of c bc as they noted before, an audience recharges their energy of course.

i thought he had become generally more reserved over the years, even before 2020. fans have speculated it is because his grandmother (who raised him for 10+ years nd whom he had a great bond w) had passed away and he has even received a lot of hate for expressing at a show that she died as he was portrayed as ‘attention seeking‘. a good friend of him also died by suicide in 2017 and in 2018 his grandfather died. these deaths are some of the possible reasons he might be looking less excitable.

in bts festa 2019 the members talk about how much more taehyung has matured over the years, e.g. being more mindful of others. Tae adds that he changed his mind on what happiness means for him, as he used to think it meant when everything was great for him, but later on he realized that it made him most happy when all members are happy together and when he sees the positive in things. so there’s a part of maturity there in terms of being less careless / stubborn / free-spirited, even if (as the members state) that is also what used to draw in fans back in the day because he drew attention in shows.

so it’s not per se bad he became more quiet / reserved and less stubborn as it helps be mor considerate of other ppl and he reflected on how he could make the most out of difficult situations.

i’m not sure if it was him too but members have mentioned in songs and interviews (I thought also Jimin did so in the same festa but i couldn’t find the moment quickly) that many people have tried to get close to them, just because they found them interesting for their fame but not care for them. the group has become more critical to such interests and cut off people who mistreated their openness. this might not per se be the whole reason for him smiling less or a reason at all, but his character did change over the years.

it might be important to add that his character / vibe (which i will rather refer to as autistic traits than any of the ableist language people online use :S ) is what drew a lot of negative attention by netizens, such as when he mentioned his grandma on tv, or when he cried on mama 2018 stage, or when he mouthed along to a song when they won an award in 2015. him just being goofy and happy were falsely flagged as misbehaviour in controversies caused by (then) larger fandoms that tried to undermine bts.

i am in no way saying Taehyung is the only one targeted or anything. i actually really hate that framework considering all of bangtan have been targeted by hate nd went through hard times mentally as a whole. and there is a HUGE issue recently within the fandom, where solo stans of tae have been popping up, who pretend bangtan mistreats tae and that he needs to go solo. which is just insulting considering he keeps emphasising they are a group /family and that he wants people to care for all of them and not just one. what i meant to say instead is that his behaviour has changed a lot bc it has been criticized a lot.

and as a final note i want to say that it is not particularly unnatural for Tae to be more quiet / depressed / reserved. i remember that early on in my army days, either in early 2014 or early 2015, Tae was not active on social media and generally more reclusive to the public for several months in a row. then too, people speculated he was tired or overwhelmed or depressed and idk if that is true, he was just less present to the public, but i meant to address that in the past too he could be more quiet or reserved at times so it’s not completely new or different for him to be more in the background. which is totally ok and in this case, we know he is more down and why. i dont think the members are obligated to talk to us about their mental or physical health, but i do appreciate them speaking up anyway bc it is very reassuring nd opens up healthy conversations.

TLDR; tae’s personality and public persona did change over the years, for both bad and good reasons, but morever it is true that he struggled w being depressed and w sleeping problems (as he himself discussed). the pandemic doesn’t help those issues.

i hope this answers your question?

i ended up still going WAY in to depth and speculating but i tend to ramble and look up links to support stuff i remember jfhgk sorry about the long answer, i always forget where im going once im typing. my answer already feels too much like psychoananalyzing him and im not a fan who disect a picture of e.g. a member smiling / looking somewhere / not smiling and writing a whole essay on his thoughts or traumas or whatnot behind it. so i hope i didn’t come off as going that route. ^^;

#death mention /#family death mention /#suicide mention /#god my answer looks 1000 x worse w these tags #anon #asks

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basicsofislam · 4 years ago

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ISLAM 101: Muslim Culture and Character: Morals And Manners: Care Of Kin

The Islamic term used for the care of kin is sila al-rahm which encompasses visiting one’s parents and relatives, asking after their welfare, and making them happy. Islamgives importance to relationships with people, particularly the mother and father and then other close relatives. Visiting them should become a principle in one’s life.

Khalid ibn Zayd (Abu Ayyub al-Ansari) narrated an event in which a man came and asked the Prophet, “O Messenger of God, can you tell me an act of worship that will help me enter Heaven?” God’s Messenger replied thus, “Worshipping God, not associating any partners with Him, performing the daily prayers, giving to charity, and visiting your relatives.”52

This hadith emphasizes the importance of sila al-rahm, stating that such actions can help Muslims go to Heaven. But sila al-rahm means more than just visiting relatives; it also includes taking care of their needs and always including them when doing something helpful (like giving charity). The fact that this is mentioned direct- ly after the prescribed acts of worship, such as daily prayers and charity, shows the great importance given to sila al-rahm in Islam. For this reason, some Islamic scholars hold that such behavior is wajib, or necessary, for believers, and they consider it to be a great sin to neglect or refuse these duties. Indeed, in the Qur’an God commands:

O humankind! In due reverence for your Lord, keep from dis- obedience to Him Who created you from a single human self, and from it created its mate, and from the pair of them scat- tered abroad a multitude of men and women. In due reverence for God, keep from disobedience to Him in Whose name you make demands of one another, and (duly observe) the rights of the wombs (i.e. of kinship, thus observing piety in your relations with God and with human beings). God is ever watchful over you. (Nisa 4:1)

In the verse above, as well as the following verse, God’s Word charges us to maintain the bond of family ties, look after relatives and never allow these relationships to be severed:

And those who unite the bonds God has commanded to be joined (among kin as a requirement of blood relationship, and among people as required by human social interdepen- dence), and stand in awe of their Lord, and fearful of (fac- ing) the most evil reckoning… But those who break God’s covenant after its solemn binding, and sever the bonds God commanded to be joined, and cause disorder and corruption on the earth—such are those on whom there is a curse (exclu- sion from God’s mercy), and for them there is the most evil abode. (Ra’d 13:20, 25)

There are differences of opinion as to how far the designation of “relative” extends, or who, exactly, is meant by these verses and hadith. According to some, relatives are close relatives with whom marriage is forbidden; according to others, the word’s meaning is those relatives close enough to have rights to inheritance. Still oth- er scholars believe that the word rahm in the verse is inclusive of all relatives, even if they are distant relatives. In terms of social life the latter view is the most helpful.

Since it has been commanded by God and His Messenger Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, to visit and care for relatives, it would be appropriate here to examine how this should be done. There are certain “degrees” of sila al-rahm:

The absolute minimum is to speak kindly to relatives and be amiable when talking to them, to greet them when we encounter them, to ask after their well-being, and to al- ways think positively about them and want the best for them.

The second level is to go and visit them and to come to their aid in various circumstances. Such actions are a more physical way of serving our relatives. This is especially im- portant as our relatives get older and need someone to as- sist them with things they can no longer do for them- selves.

The third and most important level of sila al-rahm is to give one’s relatives financial and material support.

There are exceptional circumstances, such as when someone is too poor to support their relatives materially. But the Muslim who is well-off cannot be said to have completed the duties of sila al- rahm simply by visiting and asking after their relatives. For such a person, these duties include financial support, as much as they can afford, for less well-off relatives. This support can be in the form of giving them a regular amount of money, or providing them with the things they need. This is what is meant by “looking after and caring for relatives” in Islam; a good Muslim should carry out all of the above three “degrees” of support to the best of their abil- ity. Otherwise, if they neglect to carry out those duties that are in their power, they will be held accountable. We must keep in mind the punishment for those who neglect these duties given in the above Qur’anic verse. Our Prophet also said, “Every Friday night each person’s deeds are presented to God; only those who neglect sila al-rahm will have their deeds denied.”53

Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, spoke of this topic in another hadith, proclaiming that faith in God and in the Last Day requires looking after one’s relatives.54 The Prophet said that God’s mercy is on those whom God judges to be taking good care of their families and those who take care to maintain blood ties. Conversely, God curses anyone who makes no effort to maintain their relationships with their relatives.55

There are also other warnings that state that those who cut ties with their relatives will be punished. The Prophet declared that such people will not be admitted to Paradise.56 He also taught that only those who take good care of their relatives will be grant- ed longer life and more abundance,57 and that one who gives fi- nancial help to relatives will be rewarded twice, both for helping family and for giving to charity.58

The term relatives usually implies close relations such as imme- diate family, cousins, aunts or uncles. There are special benefits in treating these relatives well. The Messenger of God said, “An aunt is like another mother.”59 Likewise, an uncle is like another father. It is only natural that as part of good morality such close family members have certain rights on us. Among these rights, paying visits is of particular importance. As explained below, the general rule is that one should visit close relations first on holidays, and then occasionally at other times, if possible bringing gifts.

Visiting strengthens the bond of love between relatives, and puts an end to estrangement. It allows people to share their sor- rows and joys, and to help one another through difficult times. In particular, the elderly need to spend their final years in peace and happiness in the bosom of their family, knowing they are loved and cared for.

There is another consideration that should be taken into ac- count when examining the subject of sila al-rahm. One should not expect anything in return; in this context, this means that we must not only look after the relatives with whom we are already close, but we should also attend to our duties toward those who have severed ties with us. The Prophet said, “One who simply returns good with good is not living the full meaning of ‘caring for rela- tives.’ True care means to care for the relation who has not shown us any regard.”60 In fact this is a general principle—we should al- ways think carefully and choose the good action in every situation. It is not correct to look after the well-being of those in need when one is weak and powerless but to change one’s conduct when wealth and power increase. This situation is one among the thou- sands of layers of meaning in the following Qur’anic verse:

But is it to be expected of you (O hypocritical ones), that you will break your promise and turn away (from God’s command- ments), and cause disorder and corruption in the land, and sever the ties of kinship? Such are they whom God has cursed (excluded from His mercy), and so He has made them deaf and blinded their eyes (to the truth). (Muhammad 47:22–3)

As a final point, I wish to point out a general principle found in a hadith of the Prophet. Being fallible humans, we may some- times let bad words slip, especially when we are agitated and an- gry. There is a striking hadith about this: Ibn Amr ibn al-As re- lates the following words of Prophet Muhammad, peace and bless- ings be upon him: “One of the greatest sins is to curse one’s par- ents.” Those with him asked, “Would any person curse their own parents?” The Messenger answered, “Yes! If anyone curses the par- ent of another person, as that person will then curse their parent in return, it is as if he has cursed his own parent!”61

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flatstarcarcosa · 4 years ago

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took a bath and came up w so many headcanons i dunno where to start so in no particular order im just gonna get into it

any of the more detailed stuff is below the cut

the issue of azulon refusing to respond to ozai’s kidnappers causes....a lot of problems. for one, it ends up with both his sons now being against him, and united in thinking at this point he’s just a crazy old fuck that needs to go. iroh understands at first, that conceding would be negotiating and would make them all look weak. he doesn’t AGREE with it, but he understands.

but after everything is said and done, azulon STILL refuses to do anything in retaliation, and that’s when iroh gets fed up. he tries explaining that continuing to do nothing is just as bad as giving in, and instead of it making people think azulon isn’t to be trifled with, it just makes people think now they can do anything they want against the family and get away with it.

it also makes iroh think the whole thing was more about punishing ozai for failing to ‘behave’ than anything else.

after the few months of healing, ozai decides to leave. the whole mess has made him really realize how goddamned fucking tired of it all he is, and that he doesn’t have to stick around and deal with it. if his father was willing to let him get almost killed to prove some imaginary point, then what’s he going to do if ozai just skips town?

not a damn thing, as it happens.

also, him realizing his dad is nothing, in the end, but a senile blowhard that refuses to adapt to a rapidly changing world is something he’s going to need to address sooner or later, but you know, one thing at a time.

also, i used to work for them in a more official capacity on the crime side of things, my position as a mechanic was me ‘retiring’, in a sense.

ozai, since in this au he’s a little bit stupid, does not realize this. to be fair, we never had much interaction before, but still. pretty much the biggest thing iroh and i end up agreeing on re: ozai is that neither of us want to deal with him throwing a temper tantrum if he were to find out this late in the game about my former employment.

also, his jaw gets wired shut for like six weeks.

i mentioned that by the time i get to him, he’s basically rescued himself, but. it’s not great, scoob, and quite frankly if i hadn’t shown up to get him he probably would have died anyway.

for one, the only reason he manages to get loose is because he is LITERALLY covered in so much of his own blood that it causes the handcuffs they’d put on him to just kinda [slide whistle noise] (partial degloving, lads!!)

by the time iroh bothers to tell me whats going on, it’s already been three almost four days, which means by the time i get there, by all rights ozai probably should have just been passed out half dead in a corner somewhere.

he’s in so much shock his brain kind of just stops registering anything in pain, and he’s literally running on autopilot and a lot of adrenaline.

i decided to go with ye olde standard for mafia/crime boss settings and that in the end they just used ol reliable and socked him with a baseball bat. but like, a lot.

it shatters his jaw, and at one point one of the hits is so bad it just completely detaches his left retina, which is the initial cause of his vision loss. that probably could have been fixed if he’d been able to get treated right away, but by the time i drag his ass into a hospital and the doctors get him in surgery it’s a case of judging general quality of life, long term, and they decide missing an eye but being able to like, walk, talk, and eat for the rest of his life takes precedent.

there’s also other various things like broken ribs, internal bleeding, i’m thinking they end up snipping some various bits in his abdomen (there’s a surprisingly large amount of organs you can in fact survive without, you know)

the biggest issues are the damage to his eye socket, skull, and mandible. his jaw gets wired shut for almost two months, which he’s not fucking happy about at all.

he’s less happy when iroh jokes that this is the longest they’ve gone with an argument in almost a decade.

poor guy can’t even flip him off properly due to said partial degloving and having both hands taped and bandaged to different degrees.

azulon tries to suck up to ozai’s egotism after by being all ‘bUt LoOk wHaT yOuVE sUrViVeD’, but it doesn’t change his attitude of ‘cool story, still leaving’

also post incident he suffers a lot from migraines, especially within the first like 12-18 months of his brain trying to adjust to his skewed depth perception. that and the stiffness in his jaw are just terribly comorbid chronic pain causing buddies.

eventually he has to sink money in a fuck ton of dental work. he lost a lot of his molars and a couple of incisors on the top and bottom on the left side, and the nature of the injuries, the reconstruction, and the fact that he kept popping infections in his mouth meant getting new teeth had to wait.

part of the infections are caused by him trying to get it done too soon, which i end up not being happy about because by this point i am tired! of having to drag his half dead ass to the hospital!!

also for a while ends up cycling through different haircuts, since the original surgeons weren’t concerned about his looks, and just shaved his head wherever they needed too, so. he spends a lot of time trying to find something between ‘completely awful’ and ‘still awful but bearable’

also, he is SUPER mad when he finally gets the dental work done and finds out the speech issues he’s had, namely a kind of marbled mouthed/mumbling issue aren’t any better.

he’d been expecting it would go away once he got the permanent teeth in and not just the temporary bridge work and stuff, so rifp.

also, by the time he’s getting ready to get the dental work done he is so, so, so fucking tired of eating soft foods and nothing BUT soft foods, holy fuck.

#txt.txt #ozai #reezai au: third street firebenders #me pointing at a bastard: how i can fuck him up more

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lunawings · 5 years ago

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King of Prism SSS Episode 10 (LOUIS)

So I think one of the main reasons a lot of people were confused by this episode (well other than misleading subtitles......) was because a lot of us had our own long-time theories/assumptions about what Louis is or what a Rinne is, and this episode turned out a bit different from what we were all expecting. (I got a lot of messages that were like “But I always thought that...”) I think you have to let your past assumptions go in order to take this episode in. A few of my long-time assumptions were proved wrong by this episode as well.

Although, given this post does still include statements that are my own interpretations, if you think I’m wrong about something please feel free to speak up. (But also please include evidence from Rainbow Live if applicable, etc.) I’m afraid I may have to go back and edit this post several times, especially after whenever the director starts releasing interviews about all this.

There is a tl;dr at the end, but I really hope most of you guys read all of this. I know it’s long, but the Crunchyroll subs for this episode are just....... so bad...... by far the worst....

I wasn’t really able to keep track of the the scores when I was watching this in theaters, so I actually didn’t realize what a big deal Joji’s score was until this scene at this moment. It’s why I tried to start a dialogue about it earlier.

Kinda funny how Kokoro, Mondo, Mitsuba, and Tsurugi’s scores are almost exactly the same. It makes them feel all the more like manufactured prism stars.... (not really their fault, it’s how Schwarz Rose does things....)

I’m going to skip over talking about the scene with Jin and Sanada because I think it’s best saved to discuss in a future episode. Don’t worry, we’ll deal with Jin later.

HE’S SO HAPPY AND CONFIDENT AND EVERYONE BELIEVES IN HIM........................................................................................

The translator doesn’t really understand prism sparkle, causing a lot of confusing dialogue in the subs, but I suppose that’s kind of to be expected for anyone that didn’t watch Rainbow Live.

I’m pretty sure the intended meaning here was: If they can’t fix Rinne then the prism sparkle will disappear, which would mean the end of the prism world, and the prism gods, etc.

Um no, I think they said F-type here. Rinne keeps falling in love with male stars because she’s “F-type”.

My understanding of the scene is: the Rinnes keep falling in love, which is keeping them from spreading the prism sparkle and leading to destruction of the prism world. But the gods hesitate to make an M-type prism messenger since there is a “dark history” with that. So they just change the basics (like appearance) of Rinne to be male, while keeping the rest of the coding the same, and.....

....Also restore the memory to hopefully “avoid problems”.

(The subs say “back up” here which isn’t so off, but a bit misleading. I believe the Japanese is 復原 or 復元 = restore and they do say lit: “memory”, not data. I guess the translator was thinking in computery terms.)

So this explains why Louis is male and has memories of the past, even though they say Rinnes lose their memory in Rainbow Live.

He’s a Rinne, just a different version.

And because he has those memories, he immediately begins looking for....

Turned? What do the subs mean by “turned”?

The word used here was 復活 = to be revived/resurrected.

I guess the translator thought Shine went to the dark side or something, but he went to the dark side long ago. (Either that or this was supposed to be “returned” and that was a typo.)

This scene is taking place in the Pride the Hero-ish era and the prism gods are asking Louis WTF he’s doing awakening Shine (by giving Shin the pendant and whatnot).

So. I read a while back in a director interview in the “Ready Sparking” fanbook that Louis’ mission was “to kill Shin”.

Which didn’t make any sense to me. Rinne in the flashback in Pride the Hero says she’ll find Shine again, so why would she find him just to kill him again? Why would Louis go to all the trouble of giving Shin the pendant and awakening his powers JUST TO KILL HIM?

But now in this scene it makes sense. Louis’ mission was not to kill Shin(e) to begin with. He was intended to be just a regular prism messenger trying to spread the prism sparkle UNTIL THIS SCENE when his mission changed, because he decided to divert from his mission and awaken Shine without permission.

So the spoiler I read was technically true, but not in the way it seemed. He did not specifically come like an angel of death to kill Shin(e). (A huge load off my mind.) But in between the ending of the first movie and Crazy Gonna Crazy, things changed.

Once again, misunderstanding of prism sparkle. The way they subbed this, it sounds like he was told not to expand the brilliance of Shine because what “its” refers to is not clear............ It should have been more like: “Your mission now is the elimination of Shine. There is no need to worry about spreading the prism radiance anymore.”

None of this is readable in the theater ahah... Every time I saw Part 4, I always thought I’d be able to read a bit more of it and I never did.

But yeah, I’m not sure if we knew before that Hijiri’s mother was deceased....? (Did we?)

Edit: Lol nevermind we did.

I heard some people saying that Shin(e) was a Rinne, so I just want to take a second to clarify this.

Shine is not a Rinne. Shine is a Shine: A now defunct male prism messenger program. He’s a separate program from Rinne, and they were meant to exist together. (Unlike Rinne and June, who were both Rinnes and thus caused an error by existing at the same time in the same world in Rainbow Live.)

Woah. I’m not sure, but I think they cleared up his face here to make it more obvious how much he looks like Shin...... I think I remember it being too dark to see his eyes well in the theatrical version...? ??

But anyway, the rule for prism messengers not being allowed to perform before an audience (and also the reason why) is something that was previously established in Rainbow Live.

So I think the subs were absolutely fine for this part. My understanding of it was that after erasing Shine, Rinne gets stuck in a loop where she keeps self destructing because she’s trying to find Shine.

This makes the prism gods decide to delete her memory. They also task her with guiding male stars as well, since Shine cannot fill that role anymore. This is why the Rinnes in the Rainbow Live era have their memory deleted, and what also unintentionally laid the groundwork for June to fall in love with Hijiri I believe.

And because the Rinnes kept falling in love like June is why they re-wrote the program to be Louis to try and prevent this and also gave him the memories of the past Rinnes so he will supposedly know what not to do. (But the unintended effect of this is that the memories of the past Rinnes also gave him the memory of Shine, causing Louis to search for Shine again.)

Which is why I’m confused as to why the very next scene is Louis staring at the pendant looking confused like he doesn’t recognize it or something? Because I thought from the earlier scene where Louis was created, he immediately set off looking for Shine after the Rinne -> Louis update? Am I just misreading his expression here or did I miss something? I don’t know.

Edit: OMFG IM AN IDIOT. THE SCARF. This scene isn’t taking place right after Louis was created. It’s taking place right after Crazy Gonna Crazy. He’s looking at the pendant which fell from Shin after their show. It’s meant to transition into the events which happen after Louis re-seals Shine I guess. They could have made this a bit more clear.

If you thought why the F is Kokoro here well WHY YES. YES THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE OTOHA

but putting that aside

I believe this scene was supposed to establish that Louis knows the Rainbow Live girls. He has the past memory of Rainbow Live era Rinne, but he can’t really do anything about it........... (It’s not like he can just go talk to them as Louis.....)

But his expression is so unreadable it’s hard to tell.

He gives Shin back his powers to jump geez Crunchyroll.

(But for anyone wondering how mix-ups like this can even occur in the first place, a lot of sentences in Japanese don’t have subjects in them. Therefore, if you don’t know.... the context.............................)

Maybe the translator chose this wording in the context of prism messengers being forbidden to be seen on stage. But as much as I appreciate that, it’s wrong. In this scene Louis is saying that he physically cannot perform. (He’s a fallen prism messenger now, so the rules don’t matter.)

Okay, I’ll take a moment to explain this just in case, since it is not explained outright:

When Louis broke his connection with the prism world and lost his rainbow feathers in Pride the Hero, he made the same decision June did when she ripped off her wings in Rainbow Live. He chose Shin(e) over his mission. He disobeyed orders and cut himself off from the prism gods in order to do things in his own way.

But whenever a prism messenger makes this decision, their rainbow feathers are replaced by the night dream feathers. The night dream feathers take life away.

(Screencap from Rainbow Live episode 43.)

In other words, ever since Louis pulled out his earring in Pride the Hero he has slowly began to die.....

Although this is never stated clearly within the main King of Prism series, there are several ways you could have picked up on it before this episode.

First of all, like I said before we have already been through this with June in Rainbow Live.

Second, across the Road to SSS events on Prism Rush we have steadily seen Louis getting weaker and weaker. At first he was just tired and fell asleep after the Schwarz Rose opening ceremony in Road to SSS 1, but then his deteriorating condition was made crystal clear in his Queen of Glass PR story from Road to SSS 4, in which Louis plans a date with Shin only to collapse and unwittingly stand him up.

And then eventually by the time we get to Road to SSS 9, Louis cannot even gather the energy to perform at all unless it’s with Shin. And we got this whole scene with a weakened Louis begging Shin to perform with him.

But even after their performance is a success and they win the Tokyo Kizuna Beat Climax, by the time we get to Road to SSS 10 Louis is so weak they miss the finals.

Finally, Louis being a fallen prism messenger is directly confirmed in literally the opening scene of King of Prism SSS.

So if you saw this scene and your reaction was something more like “Oh look it’s Louis... are his wings different?” and not “LOUIS IS DYING” then well.... That’s exactly why I’m always telling you guys to watch Rainbow Live.......................

Although, there was a bit of confusion over these feathers even for people who watched Rainbow Live so don’t feel too bad if that’s you. Some people thought Shin had the night dream feathers in Pride the Hero, or that Rinne had them in the end of Rainbow Live.

But no. The regular star-type feathers are dark blue too. (Generic, lower level feathers than the rainbow ones.(?))

There are only two characters to have the night dream feathers. And they are: June in Rainbow Live and Louis in SSS. Both fallen prism messengers.

And buried in the midst of all this Louis drama and deep lore is my probably favorite Joji line of all time. Seriously the Joji in this scene is best Joji and I cannot not laugh no matter how much I’m suffering.

Okay so. Here is what I do not understand about this episode and would be thrilled if someone could explain it to me. If Yamada-san knew Wataru Hibiki, then Shine could not have been sealed that long ago. I actually searched my fanbooks/magazine collection until I found one which listed Yamada-san’s age as 24. So he’s probably 25 now. So this scene could not have taken place more than 20 years ago (and even that is generous).

So what the heck was all that 1,000 years thing about? Is that just the amount of time Rinne and Shine knew each other? Or does time just not flow in a straight line for prism messengers when they are skipping in and out of different worlds?

WOAH

WOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHIN’S PHONE BACKGROUND IS DIFFERENT

Okay you’re just going to have to believe me on this, BUT I SWEAR Shin’s phone background in the theatrical version is a photo of his hand holding the pendant. Which seems like a weird choice for a background right? But I had a theory on it that I was gonna discuss here. And that theory is that Shin wanted some kind of a background that reminded him of Louis, and that was all he had. (He couldn’t straight up use a picture of Louis because he didn’t want the other boys to question it.)

But TV version Shin, HE JUST WENT FOR IT. NO SHAME. DAMN BOY.

I can’t help but wonder why Shin still feels like he has to hide his relationship with Louis here, considering if Road to SSS is canon like it seems to be then they all saw Shin and Louis perform together at the Kizuna Beat Climax a few months ago.

But I guess in between the Prism King Cup and the start of the Prism One tensions rose with Schwarz Rose again, so maybe he’s worried about that?

Or maybe there is a possibility that maybe he would talk about it if it was anyone but Leo asking. What with how Leo is.

(I know the real reason is probably just because for plot convenience/the casual viewer hasn’t read Road To SSS but shhhhhhhhhhhh.)

I’m sorry but, man I do not like this outfit. And not because it’s basically girls clothing. If Naru wore it I would hate it too. It’s just kinda ugly IMHO. (It’s not an existing Pretty Rhythm coord is it?)

Original brand glasses Shin is cute as heck though.

I like how he just keeps his same damn clothes he’s been wearing the entire time in SSS and just glasses + hat = done. Pfft.

Shin and Louis saw a PriPara movie together.

(Prism Tours is the name of the first PriPara movie, which included different courses of Pretty Rhythm shows/flashbacks shown on different weeks in theaters back in 2015. The “flavor” Over the Rainbow animation seen in the first King of Prism movie was actually reused from Prism Tours, and increased attendance to the prism boys course of that movie including that scene was one of the main reasons King of Prism was greenlit in the first place. So I wonder if this is actually a reference to that.)

This crazy umbrella street is apparently based on a real place in Nagasaki (nowhere near Tokyo).

I just happened to catch a Tweet about it right after Part 4 came out.

So..... I actually wasn’t as excited for Shin and Louis’ date as you would think I’d be. I spent a while thinking about it and I came up with a couple reasons. First of all, even though this is the first date they have had in the main series, in the side materials.... they date all the time. Like seriously! In my mind they have already been dating for years so this was like just another date.

Second.... honestly...... I don’t really ship Shin and Louis all that much anymore. Or at least not in the way I used to. My feelings about them peaked somewhere in the Pride the Hero era, and have been quietly declining since. And this scene basically sealed it. Their relationship just isn’t what I thought it was. I know in this episode Louis realizes he loves Shin and not Shine, but he took such a long time to reach that conclusion and I’m just so uncomfortable about their relationship being originally based on Rinne’s relationship with Shine. Which was not a healthy relationship.

Also! It wasn’t 1,000 years since they have seen each other dammit! It was like 20! AT MOST! Right????? Yeah that’s a long time for mortals, but not for a being like Louis that lives for thousands of years.

Anyway before you send me hate, just know that I’m definitely not saying Shin and Louis shouldn’t be together and I’m certainly not saying that you should agree with me. Both of them deserve happiness, especially Louis. I’m just saying I personally am not as passionate about them the way I used to be.

But even so....

That didn’t stop me from going to find the location of this scene when I was in Tokyo last week!

So did Shin pass the smell test or not? Because Louis.... I guess technically........... (nevermind..... not gonna open up that can of worms right now...........)

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW MAKES ME SO SAD

(Especially thinking about what happens next.)

Louis is not at his peak performance condition here. He’s not performing a serious competitive show. Heck, he’s just wearing casual clothing.

He’s finally realized he loves Shin and not Shine................ All he wants to do is just relive his date with Shin................ THATS ALL.....................

WTF THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS ONE

THIS IS THE MOST BLATANT MISTRANSLATION YET

He says 君は僕を殺すことができない = You cannot kill me

Shine tells Rinne (Louis) that she cannot kill him because that would erase Shin’s memories too. He knows Louis cannot stand to lose Shin.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HE JUST WANTED TO RECREATE HIS DATE WITH SHIN

HE JUST WANTED TO DO A FUN LITTLE SHOW ABOUT HOW HE LOVES SHIN

THAT’S ALL

WHY

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

It took me a long time to appreciate it considering WHAT JUST HAPPENED but this YABEEEEEEEE from Sanada is pretty hilarious.

This is unfortunately (?) another moment ruined by the new ending music.

In the theatrical version, this moment is dead silent and it makes it all the more apparent the.... change which has just taken place. It is terrifying.

But regardless. Now you can probably guess why episode 11 is so painful for me and any fans of Shin..................................

*deep breath*

Okay so. Let’s review.

Here is my tl;dr of the timeline, from my understanding:

The Rinne/Shine program is created with Rinne for female stars and Shine for male -> Shine breaks the rules and so Rinne has to erase him -> But Rinne doesn’t erase him completely and promises to find him again -> The Rinne program gets stuck in a loop where she keeps freezing/self destructing because she's trying to find Shine -> The gods decide to start erasing the memory of the Rinnes -> Rinne keeps falling in love with male stars since she's in charge of male stars now too -> The events of Rainbow Live happen -> The gods decide to alter the Rinne program to make the body male and restore the memory of the past Rinnes to fix this, creating Louis -> Since Louis has the memory of the past Rinnes he goes to find Shine again -> The events of King of Prism : Louis begins the process of resurrecting Shine in Shin -> The gods find out and order him to delete Shine again -> Louis still cannot finish the job and cuts himself off from the prism gods, becoming like June -> Louis realizes he loves Shin not Shine but.... -> Louis’ weakened state allows Shine to fully resurrect, and.....

So. There is more to this. But if you would like to come to your own conclusions about what just happened in that final scene and go into the next episode blind, this post is over. Thanks for joining me this far!!

But if you would like me to explain some more things using spoilers not revealed until the next episode, keep scrolling.

Obviously you don’t have to!

It’s up to you!

I just kinda feel like I owe it to you guys.

(Since I was lucky enough to get my major questions answered right away and not have to wait a week like you guys do.)

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Ready?

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Episode 11 spoilers start here

So I first saw Part 4 on like, 3 hours sleep. So as you can imagine I was having a really hard time taking all this in. And when that last scene happened I was basically plunged into the darkest depths of absolute horror. To think all this time I had been worried about Louis hurting Shin. The opposite had never ever crossed my mind.

In my first viewing what I thought happened was that Shin had just regained his memories and killed Louis. And for 30 seconds or so, I seriously considered walking out of the theater. Not that I didn’t plan to ever finish watching it, but I just felt I was not ready and needed time to cry and take this all in before continuing to the next episode at the next showing. I was so close and literally the only reason I didn’t leave was because I just didn’t want other people to see me walking out. So I stuck with it and forced myself through the next two episodes.

And I’m glad I did. Because that’s not what happened.

The next episode makes it very clear that Shin and Shine are two different people. Shin did not get any memories back in the final scene. Shin is Shin, and Shine is Shine.

From what I can gather, Shin was born with Shine sealed inside him. He’s like the host. (Whether this technically makes him a reincarnation or not, I’m not sure.) Shin has never had any contact with Shine, but Shine has always been watching life through Shin’s eyes.

The Shin we see walking off at the end of episode 10 is Shine controlling Shin’s body. From the moment he says “Rinne.....” Shine is in control, and Shin as we know him is unconscious. Shin has no memory of the things he does while Shine is controlling him.

Also, the act of Shine destroying Rinne’s feathers did not kill Louis back there. But as you can imagine, he’s in bad, BAD shape right now.....

#king of prism #king of prism sss #king of prism shiny seven stars #kinpri #shiny seven stars #louis kisaragi #shin ichijo

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