#also all my relationships ended up in flaming disaster why on earth do you think i'm qualified to give reasonable advice?'

[rimatsu]

a long-suffering eddie sitting through two separate 'We Agreed On Taking It Slow This Time Around But Whenever We Lock Eyes I Hear Wedding Bells Ringing In The Distance' conversations a few months post-bucktommy makeup would heal me

[tranquilpetrichor]

a heart that still beats

— when in the midst of despair, do you lose all hope?

synopsis: the year is 2080. in a world destroyed by climate change, there is only one hope left for safety, and of course it is one exploited by the rich and famous—make it to the airships that are fueled by oxygen on earth. unfortunately, you are neither, but you are a skilled mechanic who is separated from your companion by yet another flood.

lonely, bitter and lost, you eventually find a purpose in being the mechanic for 10 boys that have an ambitious plan to shut off the machines that fuel the cities above the earth, being welcomed as one of their own.

but this mission is their most crucial one, one that could cost them their lives. and as you think about your leader, daeyeol, you're inspired by his courage, but very nervous for the upcoming events to transpire.

cast: gn mechanic!reader x daeyeol ft. golden child members and mentions of sf9's youngbin

genre: sci-fi, dystopian!au, end of the world!au, loosely based on golden child’s ra pam pam mv, angst with comfort if you squint

wc: 6.6k (6,674)

warnings: mentions of death, gunshots, blood, flames, pollution, lots of cursing, reader cracks maybe one dirty joke (which is only dirty if you understand it), we get pretty existential here. lmk if i missed anything

a/n: reader has habit of calling everyone older hyung as that's what they've decided they're comfortable with (just y and daeyeol here), ignore the fact that it’s y on the banner LOL this is for aesthetic purposes. there's a few perspective switches near the end, and of course i always end up making the relationship ambiguous. also why is the plot so messy.. ugh i just want to get this fic out. yes this is the second time sf9 youngbin makes a cameo in my fics. i think daeyeol said he had no same age friends and i’m like oh wait who else is a 93 liner? so yeah, enjoy, because this took way too long to do.

[d-7]

you watched and gave a small nod of approval as your rc car (which jangjun had decided to name damdadi for some reason) wheeled across the tiled floor of the hideout. bomin and sungyoon were examining the oxygen tanks, but your main focus was on your tech.

ah, good. it works. and it's quiet too.

damdadi, like your other projects, was carefully crafted, because god knows you couldn’t afford to make any mistakes with your mechanical work—not that you liked to make mistakes with anything anyways. everything you did got a quality check at least twice.

nevertheless, you were nervous about whether the oddly-named damdadi would be able to complete its task of surveillance or not and with the lives of friends on the line, you certainly had no time to lose.

to the side, you picked up yet another rc car (bomin decided he'd name that one genie) and checked if it was in working order, because as a dear friend named youngbin had reminded you long ago, “it’s best to have backup plans in case any bullshit happens.”

"and bullshit will always happen," you finished the phrase easily.

as the phrase came into your mind, you wondered what had happened to him after a flood separated the both of you about a year ago—the occurrence of natural disasters was not uncommon, but that didn't mean it was any less devastating each time one occurred.

god, you remembered it so well. he had gone on a mission to gather supplies for your camp when the flood occurred. from the wreckage, you had emerged confused, tossed around like a ship lost at sea.

then, it turned into denial that he was gone, anger at circumstances you couldn’t have controlled, and then reluctant acceptance that you couldn’t find him. it wasn't like you couldn't survive on your own, but without someone to ground you, you'd be talking into a void of nothingness. still, you didn’t know if anything could fill the even deeper void in your heart.

youngbin said once to you, “loss is inevitable. remember jaeyoon? you know i would have done anything to save him, but i can’t control the fact that the soldier shot him in the damn chest, but i tried my best, and yet the feeling of not being able to save everyone fucking hurts. losing someone you love… ah, fuck. sorry if this was depressing. but if there’s anything i’d prepare you for, it’s that."

inevitable.

that word alone carried so much weight to it.

and from then on, you reminded yourself that nothing is permanent, not even the companionship of a friend. it’s the only way you got yourself through your separation.

after the flood, you were on your own for a while, trying to find youngbin. however, an annoying little shit named jangjun found you after you stole some supplies from a soldiers’ base. apparently he had the same idea.

after this incident, he took you back to meet the other 9 members of the crew you were part of now. although initially reluctant to trust them, you found their company to be likable enough. you assumed the role you always did, finding spare parts that could be repurposed as you always used to do with youngbin.

you knew youngbin and daeyeol were two separate people, but you couldn’t help but see one in the other and think that they might get along. thinking about the two of them together made things so much harder.

thinking about those days, you sighed. you couldn't believe a trip down memory lane could randomly be triggered by one glance at an rc car, but it would be unwise to stay there for too long. of course, you allowed yourself those brief moments of distraction in your memories, and then focused on the task at hand again. it was a reasonable way to live.

yes, you did miss those you had lost, but now was definitely not the time for that.

don't get too distracted. you have work to do. you have to keep going.

despite the gravity of the situation you were in, you couldn’t help but crack a joke in your mind about being good with your fingers as you fiddled with some more machinery. some things never changed, like your less-than-appropriate humor that either got you lighthearted scolding (from sungyoon and daeyeol, and of course, youngbin) or laughs from people who liked your occasional jokes (mostly jangjun, and surprisingly bomin too).

while examining a control panel, you felt a soft tap on your shoulder, which could only possibly belong to one person out of the group you currently lived with—lee daeyeol. he spoke with a gentle tone but it had a sense of authority. “could i talk to you for a second?”

mentally, you prepared for hell because whenever he used that familiar tone, he was being nice but definitely meant business and may the gods help whoever tried to get in his way. “of course, what did you want?”

he placed folded diagrams on the table. "i just wanted to check on your progress on that rc car, although knowing how fast you work i’m guessing you’re almost done. we've finalized a plan about how to shut off the machines.”

ah yes, he was talking about the machines of project aether, or better yet, a way for those with enough money and power to save themselves and leave the poor and helpless to rot. the act of using the oxygen on earth for airships to create a "paradise in the sky" for some while damaging the atmosphere down below made you scratch your head at the backwards logic.

it was starting to get a little sweaty in the room, and you fanned yourself with an old newspaper. "things are going well, dae. this rover should be ready in a few minutes for jaehyun and jibeom to take when they need it. better early than late. you ready to do this?"

he glanced at you, and let out a deep sigh, one filled with what you interpreted to be as deliberation. "it doesn't matter how i feel. this needs to happen soon."

as the leader of the group, daeyeol was required to handle many burdens and although you and the boys were usually with him, no one could never completely understand what was going through his mind. there was a special spark that was required to lead.

sometimes, you wondered how tired he really was, but he didn't like to show that side of him, always wanting to be the helper instead of the helped.

and of course, that reminded you of youngbin, which wasn't such a great path to take your mind to. so you'd put it upon yourself to move on from him, which you had done semi-successfully.

of course, he still had a designated space in your mind, no matter how hard you tried not to think about him.

you put down what you were working on to focus on daeyeol's words, knowing it wouldn't be good for your mind to go off on more tangents today. "alright then, let's go over the plan once more. i figure you want to run through it again. i just need to hear it too."

he nodded and opened one diagram, which you recognized as it was labeled project : aether (floor plan), with a picture of the air machine itself. you remembered researching machinery for that. he pointed to the spot where it said passcode entry point.

"because of you, seungmin and donghyun, we were able to get the password that controls the fuel source of the cities. as you know, we need to enter the password at that location in order to shut the machine off. but we're unsure of the exact situation with guards and their patrol routes, so we're going to send the rovers with the camera attached in order to assess it. the last thing we need is for there to be surprises we didn’t expect.”

he probably hadn't changed any aspects to the plan, but you asked for confirmation. "it's just you going, right?"

"yes. the rest of the group looked uncomfortable with the idea and as concerning as the idea of going alone is, i can't risk anyone else's life.” his lips set in a thin line. "and there's a limited supply of oxygen tanks, anyways."

you let out a humorless chuckle, knowing just how brutal it was out there. "dae, we're clearly not as selfless as you. no one asks to potentially get shot at by assholes in hazmat suits.”

not being able to hide your true thoughts, you quietly added, “and honestly, i’m probably the most selfish of you guys.”

out of the corner of your eye, you saw him frown. "now don’t say that, you help in your own way. you've been invaluable in developing the technology for this mission. remember, nothing goes unnoticed by me."

you still did get a little flustered whenever people mentioned your skill, and you brushed his words off with the lazy swipe of a hand. "oh, i can't take all the credit for this stuff. seungmin helped me a lot." the mentioned guy was currently fiddling with the screen on the wall to make sure it actually worked.

yeah, you knew you were decent at what you did, but it's not like you wanted the spotlight for it, preferring to remain behind the scenes most of the time. to put it simply, you liked working in the shadows and only showing up when necessary to report something.

"you sell yourself short, y/n," he said with an amused grin on his face.

"do i, dae? if you want, i could just start bragging about myself all the time."

he laughed, and oh, how you took the sound in like nourishment. true laughter was hard to come across nowadays, as a lot of things were. "now let's not jump between extremes, okay?"

you made a salute as if you were on some pirate ship. “aye-aye, captain!” damdadi was still turned on, and you maneuvered it next to daeyeol, just to demonstrate the functionality, before turning the power off.

“god, imagine being pirates. we’d be the worst pirate crew ever. imagine trying to wake up bomin and get him to do anything but sleep prettily!”

daeyeol shrugged. "well, i could probably use captain privileges to boss him around, anyways."

"as if! he listens to no one, especially you."

the two of you grinned, sharing a moment. there were times when you forgot that the air was polluted, the rich were assholes and food was hard to find—now was one of those times. it was nice to not think about that for a bit. you were aware however, that the cold reality waited around the corner like a gunman waiting to fire.

you rested your head on his shoulder, an action you had grown more comfortable with gradually after he told you it was okay to do it. it seemed to say a message without words, i don’t know what the future holds, but at least i’m here with you.

daeyeol closed his eyes and spoke his next sentence quietly. “hey, i know i told you guys i’d be prepared for anything and we're aware of how this might end. it might go badly. if i’m honest, it’s been very nerve-wracking to prepare for this. i just wanted to say that i will protect you guys. whatever it takes. i think we have a chance to end this once and for all.”

won't you protect yourself? won't you be selfish too for once? that's all i need. you thought, but didn't say aloud.

you, who never thought you'd shed a tear since getting separated from youngbin, who didn't like getting very sentimental in front of others, embraced daeyeol. "hyung, sometimes i wonder how people like you can exist, so full of hope and all that optimistic stuff. shit, i promise i don't mean it in a bad way, but...” you trailed off.

"it's hard to have hope, right?"

"you could say that."

from the moment you had met him, he had struck you as someone who wouldn’t give up. all of the group did, but especially him. to keep fighting, one had to think that things would get better someday. one needed hope.

he rested one hand on your shoulder, as if he were transferring his wisdom over to you merely by touch. “until the moment i die, i won’t stop having it. it’s the only way we’ll be able to keep pushing through. call me optimistic, but if there seems to be no hope, we have to create it for ourselves. i don't want live hopelessly knowing that i could have tried to make a better future."

you played with a screw in your jacket pocket. "hope's short in supply sometimes, i admit.”

“it is. but all you need is a bit of it to survive.”

you felt your chest rise and fall, acutely aware of your breath. if you really thought about it, it was dangerous to risk it all on one mission, a singular chance to get this right before the soldiers could wipe you all out.

but you thought of the boys you had come to know over months of time, and everything became clearer.

joochan deserved a chance to sing in air that was truly clean. donghyun would get to dance outside without fear of being shot. jibeom and jaehyun could simply mess around with the rc cars you and seungmin made instead of just sending them out into the dangerous world outside their base. most of all, daeyeol would be able to breathe easily (quite literally and metaphorically), after the mission was over.

and of course, you wanted to take that first breath of air with each and every one of them.

hope brought a world of possibilities to think about, so close and yet so far away. it would fuel you, so long as you believed it still existed—and although you didn't really consider yourself as much of an idealist as daeyeol, you needed to be, especially now.

you brought up your hands to your head, which happened to hurt a little, and his voice brought you back to the present.

“hey, y/n, you seem like you’re lost in thought. all good?”

as expected, he can tell what goes on with you.

“just thinking about our upcoming mission. can't help but stay awake...”

he frowned. “it's late, take a rest too. i can't let everyone else in the team deprive themselves of sleep. don't overwork yourself, y/n.”

and before you had known it, he left and came back with a bit of water he had saved. water was difficult to come across but the group was fortunate to have some, so you savored every drop you got to taste. “thank you, daeyeol.”

“always.”

although you continued working, you knew these coming days would be difficult, and later you finally decided to take daeyeol’s advice, eventually letting yourself slip into a dreamlike state on the smooth metal beds.

(you wouldn't have known anyways, but daeyeol glanced at you several times while you were asleep.

you'd be alright, he knew. still, it was nice for him to make sure. he smiled, and got back to work.)

[d-3]

the main room, with all 11 of the crew, wasn’t outwardly panicking, but it contained a nervous energy that simmered and quietly stirred everyone's feelings of anxiety. the crew always worked hard, but this particular week needed everyone's dedication, whether it was finding spare parts, to looking over diagrams, to last minute research.

despite these demands, you were impressed with everyone's resilience.

youngtaek shrugged his shoulders in an attempt to relieve tension. he turned on the medium-sized screen that was inside the hideout, which currently was connected to a phone you and seungmin had built together. "the camera works fine, i see the footage from it showing up.”

you sighed in relief. it was good to know that something worked.

"ow, my feet," jibeom interjected, as damdadi rolled over them.

"alright, thanks youngtaek!" jaehyun grabbed the phone from him and affixed it onto damdadi. he then gestured to jibeom. “come on, let’s go send the rc car to survey the terrain, before y/n does that annoying thing where they yell at us for using their tech all wrong.”

“okay well, you can't just use damdadi to run over jibeom's feet, we got a mission!” you yelled from across the room, where you were working on a drone.

jaehyun smiled innocently at you. "yeah, well it'll be fine and we'll get it done. i think we're very capable. or at least, i am—"

"hey, take that back!" jibeom glared at jaehyun. “i hate you."

the two continued to bicker like children. "okay. jibeom, just so you know, if the guards come and you run too slow, i will be leaving your ass behind!"

these two argue so much, it's almost as if i'm watching a tv sitcom.

"just go already, guys," you said, amused by their antics. "and don't die, of course."

“have a little faith,” jibeom whined. jaehyun laughed at him again, and with the turn of a knob, damdadi rolled to the door with them.

after they left, you went to talk to daeyeol, showing him a few of the drones you had made with seungmin. “i was thinking that i can use these to divert the soldiers' attention so that they're less likely to shoot at you. couldn't hurt, right?”

"hm, good idea, just make sure your drones take a different route to the location. you thought of me that much?" he added, lightly teasing you.

your cheeks warmed slightly, but you kept your face impassive. "well, precautions are necessary, are they not?"

he was serious, but you could sense a bit of amusement coming from him. "they are. you always think ahead, don't you?" and with that, he approved of your addition to the plan.

you let out a sigh of partial relief, and continued to test out another drone.

"just say you love him or something, because even i can tell." seungmin, who had been working next to you muttered this after daeyeol left to wake up bomin. he screwed in another bolt. "you might as well remind him before...."

he doesn't finish the sentence, but he didn't need to. the two of you looked at each other in understanding. survival was never guaranteed in a world as wrecked as this one. he looked away for a second and closed his eyes briefly before continuing to talk.

"never mind. anyways, let's just keep working—we're making good progress. after this, we'll have 4 drones to use. it’s always useful to have something that flies, i suppose."

you obliged, figuring it would be better to shut up and just continue doing what you were always good at—attempting to ignore anything not related to your job. but seungmin's words still lingered and you would do anything to get them out.

later, seeing a frightened jibeom and a tired jaehyun return with news that a soldier had captured the rc car was enough to make you quietly simmer with rage (it was precious technology, after all), but you were almost thankful for the feeling.

at least you still felt something.

[d-day]

this was going to be rather interesting.

lee daeyeol was not supposed to be scared—or at least, he was not supposed to show it. in fact, he was the one whom people looked to for comfort, strength, guidance, and sacrifice (even if no one would say it aloud). if he looked scared, it would set the tone for this mission. who would believe in them? in their cause?

so he shouldered his burden of shutting off the machines of project: aether with calm determination, trying to steady himself despite his accelerating heart rate and the vague feeling of the world swaying beneath his feet. “i’m going out the route we discussed. send the drones out a different exit and wait for the radio signal from me to go up. if something unexpected happens, only one of you should check first."

"got it. stay safe, hyung." sungyoon checked daeyeol's oxygen's tank one last time, sighing to himself.

daeyeol looked to you, a hint of sadness in his eyes. "do you have the ring?"

you wordlessly got up to grab daeyeol's ring from the table, and watched as he slipped it on carefully. the piece of jewelry was special for him, as it was a gift from a childhood friend he had kept for his whole life.

to him, it signified many things, but he could never deny the fact seeing the ring gave him hope.

your voice was soft yet full of conviction as you gave him words of reassurance. "stay strong. we'll be waiting. but even if you don't return, i want to thank you, for everything. i love you, in every sense of the word."

daeyeol closed his eyes. you weren't usually the sentimental type.

it was times like this where he found it hard to walk away. if he let his heart take over, he would stay safe with you against the harsh reality of the world. but he knew that first, he had to carry out his plan.

he extended his arms towards you, pulling you into a tight hug. "you as well, y/n. remember, i'll be with you, always."

he double-checked the levels in his oxygen tank, affirming that they were alright. now, it really was time to go.

"if you don't stay safe, hyung, i'll kick your ass all the way to the sky," jangjun yelled.

"got it," he said, a small grin on his face. of course jangjun would be the one to joke around.

and with that, he turned away, walking towards the entrance of your hideout with conviction. the doors opened, and he stepped out, leaving behind the people he loved most. it would be painful for him to turn around now, and so he chose not to.

at least, if he thought of his team, full of people he wanted to give the world to, he had something tangible to fight for.

as daeyeol left, the 10 of you stared at the door and no one dared say a thing, for fear of it being wrong, but a distinct sigh came from bomin, who could not hide his frustration as the youngest. that's when you knew it was time to do your part, just as daeyeol would do his.

slightly trembling, you got into position and used the camera on the one of the drones to help examine its surroundings and navigate it through the twists and turns of the hide out.

sungyoon, much to everyone’s surprise, stood up a minute later. “i'm not letting him do this alone. lee daeyeol, i swear if you go alone at this point.."

"take care, hyung," bomin said.

he nodded in response.

you buried your head in your hands. it's not like you needed his life at risk too. but sungyoon could be rather stubborn at times, and you weren't trying to argue with him at a time like this.

besides, it's not like he couldn't handle himself out there.

he went to grab an oxygen tank, put its heavy weight on his back, and exited the hideout. but with his running skills, the team knew he would catch up to daeyeol soon enough.

outside, the chemicals in the air gave the impression that everything was a fatal orange, the orange that burned from that pillar of fire daeyeol saw in the distance. it seemed like it would burn straight to his soul and consume him.

but daeyeol found he could run faster than even he anticipated, fueled by a fire of his own.

above the flames, the floating paradise of the rich taunted him, as if they were situated in the heavens and looking down upon people like him, those who couldn't make it up there with what they had in their pockets.

those who were left to perish amongst the ashes.

daeyeol kept going.

unbeknownst to him, sungyoon was making his way over, navigating past abandoned trailers and trying not to alert the presence of any guards—he was quite aware of their patrol routes now.

after a few minutes, he found daeyeol, whispering, “hyung. i’m here."

the older boy looked over in surprise. "now that i think about it, i'm not surprised."

sungyoon's presence had revitalized him completely, a blessing that he wasn't to take lightly. daeyeol gave sungyoon a nod of acknowledgment, and they headed for the passcode entry point together.

as they did, a group of 3 soldiers ran across an elevated ledge.

"we gotta go!" dayeol exclaimed, pointing upwards. they sprinted towards the tower that felt so close, and yet, was still feet away.

a bullet punctured sungyoon's oxygen tank, and the hiss of air leaking out could be heard.

shit, daeyeol thought. he needed to do something, and quick.

they took cover some medium-sized storage crates as he removed his oxygen mask and put it over sungyoon's face, transferring the tank as well.

then, covering his mouth, he ran as fast as he could towards the tower. only a few feet away the tower, the soldiers shot him in the back. and yet he ran, bleeding through his denim jacket.

he inputted the correct code into the security screen.

3-2-6-4.

as sungyoon rushed over to him, daeyeol pushed the lever to shut off the tower off with all of his remaining strength. the pillar of fire emerging from the tower's base shut off, and the smoke in the area began to dissipate.

"you really did it, hyung." sungyoon said, looking around in awe. he sat beside daeyeol. the older boy smiled back.

i can rest, at least sungyoon is fine. no one else had to suffer.

he blinked several times to try and stay awake as sungyoon took off his vest, pressing lightly against one of daeyeol's wounds.

a few minutes earlier...

back at the base, your body felt frozen, except for your fingers, which were the only thing moving. it was quite difficult to steer a drone with the intense weather conditions outside and turmoil within you. but this was your responsibility, and you had to carry it out to the end.

"maybe a little higher," you muttered to yourself as the drone continued to fly. there was a smaller phone next to you, which allowed you to see out of the tiny camera on the drone. seungmin, tag and bomin had drones too.

“i see guards.” seungmin said sharply. “oh wait, i think daeyeol and sungyoon are in the distance too.”

jangjun spoke up. "okay, i'm going up to the warehouse building. i just need to safely observe what's happening outside in case your drones go down."

"someone, hand him a radio! i only have mine." seungmin yelled. "and remember, keep yourself hidden."

donghyun gave the remote to jangjun, who thanked him and left the base quickly.

amidst the chaos, you continued to maneuver the drone, trying to stay in control. the guards appeared to aim their guns in the general direction of the tower, which was where daeyeol and sungyoon were headed to.

you knew the guards were mostly there to prevent people like you guys from shutting off all the technology rich people had paid for. disgusting and vile.

“ah, shit, gotta steer away from there,” you muttered, your hand grasping the right controller stick. the drone flew slightly off to the side, and from what you could make out, the direction some of the guns were firing in changed.

oh god. there's a ton of soldiers. damn.

in all honesty, what happened next was chaos. a few of the screens lost connection. on a screen that was still intact, you saw blood, or at least, you thought you did.

the world blurred around you, but then came into focus again, but you knew that you couldn't collapse, not now. thankfully, your bottle had some water left.

"something's wrong," you say, fidgeting with your hands.

"of course something is wrong!" seungmin said, groaning. "what the hell is happening?"

youngtaek observed the surrounding area through his drone, but soon he had to find somewhere to land it, making sure it was well out of view before doing so.

he groaned shortly after. "great, the camera on the drone is almost dead. but from what i was able to see outside, i can tell someone shot sungyoon and daeyeol as they were headed over. i don't think they'll be coming back soon," he remarked. "so, maybe three to five of us should go out and help. we'll need to treat any wounds."

"do we even have enough medical supplies for this?" you asked, your mind racing. you began to sort through the stuff in the emergency backpack, making sure you could pack as much as possible.

shit. are daeyeol and sungyoon going to die? damn it, those two—

your thoughts were interrupted because over the radio, jangjun’s voice resounded, loud, clear and... somewhat excited? “come. look outside. i can't fucking believe it! we’ll finally be able to breathe the fucking air! you gotta see for yourselves! oh my god... is this real?”

his voice got faint, so you assumed he was busy staring at the sky, and how could you blame him?

everyone looked at each other with shock and disbelief. it's been a while since you've stared out the windows of the warehouse, but whenever you did, it was always the same—a sea of orange and the menacing presence of security drones. seeing something different would be a relief, a sign that daeyeol had gotten the job done after all.

still, you didn't want to be get too excited.

seungmin spoke into the radio. "alright, be there soon, hyung, but we have to go check on daeyeol and sungyoon afterwards. by the way, stop cursing so much, you potty-mouth.”

you heard a crackling sound before he responded, “fuck no.”

ha, he certainly is something.

afterwards, you took the radio, greeting jangjun with a laugh.

"hey, jangjun! is the air really as clear as you say it is?" you said, rolling your eyes. "you get fired up so easily and exaggerate. how do we tell you're not just messing with us?"

jangjun sighed once, one of those sassy why-don't-you-listen-because-i'm-right type of sighs. "just look at the damn sky before you come out, okay? i took off my mask and it felt okay, but don't take my word for it. bring the surgical masks if you're really worried."

you shrugged. "we'll be there. but let's be careful."

then, talking to the rest of the team, you said, "help me grab medical supplies and weapons. once we meet jangjun and get outside, we have to make sure there are no soldiers or drones."

"alright, i'll go ahead with jaehyun to go check on daeyeol and sungyoon and give them necessary medical attention," youngtaek said.

you found a pistol and picked it up. "got it."

"found the surgical masks!" jaehyun exclaimed.

everyone headed out, feeling mixed emotions of fear and anticipation. bomin was by your side. “y/n, will it be okay?”

to be honest, you weren’t the greatest at comforting people, but you tried your best. he was the youngest, and although you knew he was an adult and could handle himself, you still had a bit of a parental instinct.

“i don’t know. i trust that they did their job. we can have a bit of hope, can’t we?”

“yeah. i guess we can.” his breathing became steadier, and you were grateful.

soon enough, you were ascending the steps of what used to be functional escalators. light shone through the tinted glass ceiling, so oddly colored and dirtied that it was difficult to tell what life was like on the outside.

jangjun was leaning against a column, his gaze turned towards a sky that was finally more blue than orange for the first time, devoid of the flame tower in the air that everyone had grown so accustomed to.

you walked beside him, quietly waiting for him to acknowledge your presence. while continuing to stare, he shook his head rapidly, as if trying to wake up from a dream. "i still can't believe it. damn. it seemed like yesterday that there were drones swarming outside the window."

you laughed. "believe what? that we're alive? that this stupid machine is off? that the sky is blue?"

"all of it."

it was rare to see jangjun's contemplative side, but it was certainly present right now. you weren't sure that you believed it either. maybe you dreamt this entire incident up too. unless anyone said otherwise, though, this was real.

you shrugged. "well, there's been crazier things in this world."

"you're damn right about that."

the crew talked quietly amongst themselves, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere that was established by the strange stillness outside the window.

"i think we should go out now." seungmin said to the group, still in a state of shock.

everyone walked out towards an outside balcony where people probably used to hang out long before you were alive. apparently there was a time when the outside air wasn't so dangerous.

as you stepped out of the building, you found a place to stand. after a few minutes, you felt comfortable removing your mask.

you took a breath in, slowly. then, you exhaled. surprised at how easy and yet difficult it was, you repeated the action. it wasn't perfect air—the atmosphere would probably never return to 100% normal—but it was certainly something.

you tried to spot the telltale red lights of enemy drones, but you couldn't find any, to your shock.

there'd be no point in sending them anyways, you surmised. the job's been done.

of course, your heart felt conflicted with the absence of sungyoon and daeyeol, especially the latter. you'd need to check on them soon, just to see how they were doing in person.

you leaned against a white ledge, alone with your thoughts for just a second.

it'll be okay. surely, they'll be okay, you thought, trying to be optimistic.

and yet, there was still a part of you that wondered if you would find their lifeless bodies. but even that would be better than not finding them at all.

that's highely unlikely, of course you'll find them.

you looked at joochan, who had found a place beside you. he was humming softly. the two of you weren't as close (hey, it was hard to get to know the ten others in your crew equally), but you knew he loved music and saw it as his life. through song, you felt as though you understood whatever emotions he wanted to convey.

"wow, i think i'm dreaming," he says, his words riding softly on the breeze. "i never really understood why people sang songs about blue skies until now."

you laughed, despite yourself. "you're not the first to think that we're dreaming. maybe we'll wake up in a few minutes. but for now, this is our reality."

you heard youngtaek's voice over the walkie talkie in your hand. "daeyeol was shot in the back, so he's our priority right now. sungyoon's not in critical condition, but he does have a few bruises and needs to rest as well. make sure you secure the area you're in—we'll let you know when we're done here."

conversation broke out amongst the group.

"why did he do this by himself again?"

"i can't believe it..."

"hyung, you really are crazy for doing this."

meanwhile, you tried to process the news yourself. you weren't doubtful of youngtaek and jaehyun's medical capabilities, but after hearing about this, you knew that it would take a while for him to heal.

you told the group that you were going to go check how sungyoon and daeyeol were faring while they finished scanning the area.

after crossing between a maze of storage crates and covering a long stretch of flat land, you finally made it to the base of the tall tower.

despite all of the hardships you had been through, the sight of the tower without a flame made you smile, even if just for a second.

you spotted daeyeol sitting on the stone floor, his back against the control panel and sungyoon beside him. jaehyun and youngtaek were busy giving them medical treatment. they were obscured on two sides by large crates, which was good.

you were glad sungyoon and daeyeol had survived, but you couldn’t stand to see them in pain, especially your leader.

it only made you feel like you had failed as a companion in protecting him.

first, you talked to sungyoon, who seemed to have a few bruises and was panting heavily, but otherwise, seemed to be alright. he stood up

"i'm glad the two of you weren't alone," you said to him.

sungyoon nods. "he says he can do things alone, and although it's probably true, i wanted to be by his side."

you think of youngbin, and how you lost him. the feeling of deep loyalty isn't unfamiilar to you.

"i... understand."

you wish you were still by youngbin's side.

"here's some water," jaehyun said to sungyoon. luckily, he was able to drink on his own.

next, you looked over at daeyeol, whose eyes were set in a solemn gaze.

on closer inspection, you examined blood trickling from several places in his body. you hated seeing him like this, wanting to give him whatever strength you had.

you approached him slowly, not wanting to overwhelm him. “hi, daeyeol. how are you holding up?”

his response came in slow, short sentences. “i'm fine, for now. need… water. it’s good... to see you, y/n.”

you pulled an extra bottle of water out of your bag and slowly poured it in his mouth. you weren't the medical authority amongst your team, but you knew it wouldn't be good if he was required to move, considering the fact that he had been shot.

“it's good to see you too.” you laid a hand on his shoulder and continued speaking softly. you wanted to envelop him in a bone-crushing hug, but you were sure there'd be time for that when he was fully healed.

when, not if, right?

“i know you're probably thinking about the next step in all this, but.." you hesitated. "let us take care of you a while longer. you've already done so much for us."

he laughed, the sound strained. "i won't do anything drastic, don't worry."

you sat down in front of him, fingertips inches away from his. suddenly, you were a little tired as well. "please, let me know if there's anything that you need.

daeyeol took your hand. "you're here... for me, that's enough."

the golden ring on his hand glimmered in the sunlight. he said it reminded him of many things—your team, as his duty as a leader, the memories you've all shared.

you had always been more of a realist. youngbin was too, accepting that things were the way they were, and taught you that there wasn't much you could do except try to survive another day and solve things practically.

but daeyeol taught you something too, that hope was something that could be cultivated, even in the face of struggle. you took a glance at your friends, feeling a weight lift off of your shoulders.

no, problems weren't going to magically disappear. wounds took time to heal. work still needed to be done. you could lose it all at any moment. it was scary, to not know what came after this moment.

but as long as you had a heartbeat, as long as you were alive, you could have hope, even if it was faint.

"yes," you said, gazing at the endless sky above you. "it's enough."

taglist: @restlessmaknae

[catgirlxox]

A Deconstruction of The Flame Keeper’s Circle & The Audience’s Common Complaints | Catgirl

As the title states, I’ve been reminded of a couple complaints made about this episode that stem from a large portion of the audience’s general disliking of the way both Ben and Julie were handled during the run of Ultimate Alien. In fact, I recently read a "review" of “The Flame Keeper's Circle,” or, more of a parody, actually, since a review would actually have some kind of substance to it and not just...a slew of insults thrown at a show you claim to like. It's almost like you're looking for something to be mad at, but anyway.

One of those was the OP actually asking someone to (probably joking, but anyway) explain "how Ben's mind works" to them.

And I was like, gladly!

According to the comments under the review, it seems like the general audience didn't really like this episode all that much when it first aired. Which, I bring up because, I on the other hand, actually did. And for a reason: because it proves my previous defence points right.

There's a lot of talk about Ben coming off as a “jerk” or a “douchebag”...but, in a situation such as the one presented within “The Flame Keeper’s Circle,” I would argue he did exactly what he should have done. So that's where I beg to differ.

This episode puts Ben in a position where he, once again, needs to deal with the overlap of a romantic relationship and his priorities as a superhero. The only reason there is conflict here is because they are both important to him.

A bad boyfriend would only care about himself, but Ben clearly cares about not only the safety of his (clearly, quite naive) girlfriend, but also the safety of the rest of the earth. Which, as I’m going to be stating several times, should be something expected of him considering everything else within the series that establishes who he is as a character.

So, on the topic of things that are important, ask yourselves, why would Ben prioritize going along with Julie's idea of joining a cult more than keeping her, and the rest of the world, safe when he realizes the trouble she could potentially be getting herself into?

Throughout the episode, and the fandom’s discussions from what I’ve seen, there is so much focus on "oh, he laughed at her idea so he's a douchebag and therefore a bad boyfriend" and not enough focus on the fact that he's not blindly following an alleged “good cause” because he isn't naive and that's in character based on everything we know about him as a character.

Context matters. And this kind of thing only further makes me question the people who want to cry "inconsistent" writing or characterization because he's acting the way he's been conditioned to.

Arguably from the age of ten, Ben's been dealing with situations where he needed to fight to survive and decide who to trust. Sometimes he trusted the wrong person, which wasn't done out of any other reason besides wanting to help and do the "right thing."

For example, Michael Morningstar in the episode “All That Glitters,” who fooled Ben and his team into thinking he was innocent all while abusing school girls for their life energy and almost killing Ben's cousin.

Or, Simian in “Birds of a Feather," who fooled Ben into thinking he was royalty and into helping him steal something that would aid the Highbreed in their mass murder plot.

In that way, Ben and Julie could have related in this situation because they were both trusting people in the interest of doing something “good.” Both Michael and Simian made Ben believe that they had something in common, or a common goal they could work together to reach. But, he trusted them blinded by his ambition and drive to save the world. Much like Julie is blinded by the promise of being a part of a group trying to make the world a better place.

As such, Ben has made the mistake before, so he's extra weary of how things could go very wrong. He's not against his girlfriend just to be a “jerk” - he's been through things like this before, and we’ve seen him go through those things.

Furthermore, the situation in which Julie is trusting The Flame Keeper’s Circle involves her indirectly agreeing to work with Vilgax. Who, as anyone familiar with Ben should know, is one of if not Ben’s biggest, and more importantly, most dangerous enemy.

Again, she, at the beginning didn’t know that he was involved, or what Ben had gone through already to make him act the way he does in this situation, but she does know what his job entails at this point in the series. She should probably infer that he’s suspicious for a good reason, as should the audience.

Not trusting people blindly is something he learned from being the leader of his team, while trying to protect the earth, namely from the Highbreed invasion back in Alien Force when he was putting together a stronger team. It would only make sense for him to then apply that to a situation in which his significant other gets roped into that which he fights against.

Speaking of fighting against, that brings me to another odd criticism of the writing of this episode. It’s no surprise that the flawed belief of Ben coming off as an alleged “sociopath” is brought up again, considering this episode takes place after The Ultimate Kevin arc. And yes, I realize the problematic connotations of using that term as a borderline insult as part of the issue here. But that aside, in this episode, the fact that he begins to fight Vilgax in his apparent “weakened” state is what is being attributed to that description.

Besides the fact that defending Vilgax is questionable in itself, he’s never needed water to survive for the many times he actually tried to kill Ben. I can’t find a solid answer from a writer that knows for certain if his need for water is genuine except for one who is only assuming that is the case when he’s in this state.

But regardless, (since he clearly survived long enough to morph with Dagon and become a bigger threat to the earth later on) we are still defending Vilgax the LITERAL INTERGALACTIC WARLORD.

Y’know, the guy who’s only in this position because of his own immoral actions? Who absolutely would not hesitate to take advantage of his opponent's weakened state in order to further get away with his immoral actions? Such as he is in this very episode, taking advantage of the people wrongfully worshiping him?

If we are trying to imply that Ben is “just as bad as Vilgax,” then I would assume you’d easily find the flaw in that being Ben’s motivation for incapacitating a dangerous offender who is, at the moment, manipulating naive humans to work for him and help him continue get away with his immoral actions. Which is, needless to say, not the same as Vilgax, at all.

Again, you’d think that’d be obvious.

The Flame Keeper’s Circle’s mission is to end human suffering and find a solution to certain issues happening across the globe with the help of alien technology that is much more advanced than what everyday people are used to. And, while the end goal seems like a good cause, even something Ben as a superhero would be all for, the means through which they attempt to get there aren’t a good idea, at all.

A lot of people find it hard to navigate the use of technology considered advanced by human standards in the real world, so you can only imagine the various things that could go wrong if those kinds of people were suddenly exposed to something much more powerful. In short, a lot could go wrong.

Again, Ben has been in that exact position as soon as he was armed with the Omnitrix. Which is exactly why he’d see the flaw in what these people are trying to do, and therefore not be convinced that it’s such a good idea to allow them to continue, much less endorse it.

This is why I love when the writers actually allow Ben to speak for himself instead of cutting him off for drama or plot. Once he actually gets a word in, or more accurately, has his moment of heroic monologue, he makes himself very clear and, I think, only further proves what I’m trying to say about him.

Here he is, explaining exactly what I’ve been trying to highlight throughout this body of work:

Ben: “Even if Dagon was real, using alien technology to accelerate a planet’s natural development won’t bring utopia, it’ll bring disaster. It’s happened before. Why do you think the Plumbers have those laws? But even that’s not the point, because that isn’t Dagon! His name is Vilgax. He’s not a hero, he’s a selfish, evil warlord who’s using you. And if you let him get in his ship, he’s going to fly off and start an interstellar civil war.”

It’s not that only he can use alien technology to save the world, it’s that his status as a hero proves that he knows what he’s doing, unlike these businessmen in fancy robes leading a cult for profit.

That is not what I would have assumed reasonable people would consider “douchebag behaviour.” That’s actually smart, and going back to my first point, exactly what he should be doing in a situation like this.

The actual episode does end off on a positive note for both Ben and Julie, which is omitted from the review and most of the comments I have read from others on the topic. And, I bring it up because it’s actually vital to wrap up everything brought up within this episode that I have just expanded on. Not only because they make up and seem to understand each other’s perspective after all is said and done, but because they both agree to be open to further discussion on the topic, as Ben offers to go out for dinner.

Which, needless to point out I hope, but once again, is not “douchebag behaviour.”

[reinerispretty]

rotations. (zuko x f!reader) pt10

hello and welcome back!! thank you so much for reading :) i apologize for not being as active today as i have been most days! i work from home and they had me doin a lot of stuff ! nevertheless, here’s another chapter !! pls share if you can!!

pt 1

pt 9

pt 11

“Look who it is,” the princess hummed, smirking down at her. The rocks were removed from (Y/N)’s mouth. She coughed and spit out the dirt that had accumulated on her tongue. “You’re quite bold to think that I wouldn’t know you were here. I have eyes everywhere.” 

When it came time for her friends to go their separate ways, (Y/N) had a difficult decision to make. She certainly couldn’t go home, and she couldn’t accompany Toph to visit her mom or go with Aang to learn from Guru Pathik. She had to pick which Water Tribe sibling she would stay with. Would she go with Sokka and join him and his father’s forces? Or would she stay with Katara and help advise the Earth King on the war effort? 

She knew that if she went with Sokka, it would be for selfish reasons. While she would undoubtedly provide useful information about the Fire Nation to the men of his tribe, that wouldn’t be the reason why she went with him. During their stay in Ba Sing Se, their relationship had...changed. She couldn’t quite define it, but when Sokka walked into a room, the atmosphere changed. She felt her body relax. She felt safe again. 

But she couldn’t leave Katara by herself. The girl was fully capable of running war meetings by herself, but it just didn’t sit right with (Y/N) to leave her alone. And she always trusted her intuition. 

So she stayed, which turned out to be the right decision in the end. Who they thought were Kyoshi warriors were actually Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee in disguise. She watched their confrontation from behind a pillar in the throne room of the Earth King’s palace. While every fiber of her being wanted to rush and rescue Katara, she knew she had to be smart about this. There was no way she would be able to defeat Azula on her own, and someone had to remain free in order to rescue Katara in case Aang, Sokka, and Toph didn’t make it back in time. 

(Y/N) stepped away from the pillar slowly, turning to make a run for it. Her face immediately smacked into a Dai Li’s chest. Before she could even react, his special rock gloves were clamped around her wrists and mouth. He dragged her to the middle of the throne room and tossed her to the ground in front of Azula. 

“Look who it is,” the princess hummed, smirking down at her. The rocks were removed from (Y/N)’s mouth. She coughed and spit out the dirt that had accumulated on her tongue. “You’re quite bold to think that I wouldn’t know you were here. I have eyes everywhere.” 

(Y/N) remained silent, casting her eyes toward Katara. A plan was slowly forming in her mind and she tried her best to communicate it through her eyes. Katara stared at her with brows furrowed in confusion. All (Y/N) could think to do was shoot her a wink and hope that she’d remember it. 

“I was very upset when I found out that you had betrayed your nation, (Y/N),” Azula said. She walked circles around (Y/N), like a sabertooth moose lion stalking its prey. “If my father were here, he would have ended your life already.” 

“So why don’t you?” (Y/N) asked. “I’m right here. I can’t fight you. Just do it.” 

Azula’s eyes met hers, and for a moment, (Y/N) thought she had seen a glimmer of sadness in them. In an instant, it was gone. She turned to the guards and her two friends. “Imprison the Water Tribe girl. I’d like to speak with (Y/N) privately.” 

She watched silently as the Dai Li dragged Katara away. The two girls stared at each other, and all (Y/N) could say to her friend was, “Don’t worry!” 

The rocks that had bound her wrists came undone and she jumped to her feet, ready for the battle she sensed was coming. Instead, Azula turned away and walked up to the throne, taking her seat. She had to admit, Azula looked like she belonged there. Ever since they were young, she knew that Azula was powerful. But she also knew that she was power-hungry and would do anything for her own gain. 

“I wanted to present a proposition to you.” Azula studied her nails nonchalantly. “You come back with me to the Fire Nation. I convince Father that you were gaining the Avatar’s trust to gain his secrets. I tell him that you have been my point of contact throughout my conquering of Ba Sing Se. You come back home as a hero.” 

She opened her mouth to immediately say no, but she stopped herself. “What’s in it for you?” She asked instead. 

Azula looked down at her. “I have you back. We’re a happy family.” She laughed as if she herself didn’t even believe it. “You provide me with the intelligence I need to take down the Avatar.” 

“And if I don’t?” 

“You spend the rest of your life in prison. It’s not a hard choice, is it?” 

(Y/N) looked down at the ground. She knew this was one of those moments that would change her course in life. She was at a crossroads and could feel herself being torn in each direction. 

“This isn’t one of your tricks, is it, Azula?” 

The young princess’ face softened as she stared at her old friend. So much had changed since the last time they had spent a moment alone together. Azula thought of that moment often. Of how she had hugged (Y/N) tightly before she boarded her ship to the Earth Kingdom and had to hold back her tears until she got back to her room, or else Father would punish her. She spent a lot of time thinking about (Y/N), more than she would like. 

“It’s not,” Azula said quietly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The expressions on Katara and Aang’s faces as she entered the underground palace with Azula made her heart hurt. Even Iroh looked gravely disappointed in her. She wished she had had time to explain herself to them, but she didn’t. Azula was moving in on Aang as the Dai Li started attacking Katara. Zuko stood a few paces away from herself and Azula. His sister had offered him a similar choice, but she wasn’t sure which path he would choose. She could see the turmoil written on his face but couldn’t see past it. 

When Zuko began attacking Aang, (Y/N) knew it was her time to act. She jumped in the air and propelled herself over to Katara, who was swiftly being overcome by Dai Li agents. She shot fire at the agents as they blocked her flames with earthbending. 

“I thought--” Katara shouted at her, but (Y/N) smiled. 

“I had to get to you guys somehow!” A blast of blue fire narrowly missed (Y/N)’s hair. She turned to find Azula standing just a few feet away, her face absolutely furious. 

“You’ll regret betraying me!” The princess shouted. Instead of retaliating on (Y/N), she aimed her flames toward Aang. (Y/N) ran back over to the young boy and held Zuko off as Aang battled Azula. Despite their best efforts, the siblings and the Dai Li were impossible to take on all at once. She felt her flames grow weaker from her movements as she became more exhausted. Zuko, however, was only getting stronger. He shot fire bolt after fire bolt at (Y/N). They came so fast that she barely had time to respond. His fireblast shot her in the shoulder, sending her backwards into the cave walls. 

She groaned as she struggled to get up. Wind had spiraled around them as Aang rose into the air, his eyes and tattoos glowing a brilliant white. She cracked a smile. With the Avatar State, they might actually have a chance. 

Then she heard the sound that struck fear into her heart. The sharp crack of lightning reached her ears and suddenly Aang was no longer in the air. Aang fell to the ground and Katara dropped the Dai Li agents she had been fighting to rush herself to catch him. (Y/N) let out her own scream and ran to attack Azula, but the Dai Li agents sent her flying back into the cave wall with their rock gloves. She was trapped. 

Katara watched as her best friend struggled against her restraints. (Y/N) looked up at her. “Go!” She shouted as tears streamed down her cheeks. “He’ll die if you stay here, you have to go!” 

“I will hold them off!” Iroh said to Katara and Aang as he blasted his niece and nephew with fire. “Go, now!” 

(Y/N) watched Katara escape with Aang and as Iroh was overtaken. They both exchanged a knowing look. They knew exactly what would happen to them. 

---

Tag List! 

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[wesokkasimp]

mine (jealous!femreader x firelord!zuko)

A/N: ok so i kinda wrote this one really quickly so please forgive me if it’s not mind blowing but i have a problem with over editing things so i really tried to keep the editing at a minimum. 

word count: 1768

warnings: mild swearing, reader is lowkey bisexual (yes i projected my crush on mai into this fic what about it)

Ever since you and Zuko started dating publicly, you had been going to a lot more events. Being the Fire Lord's partner had its responsibilities, and appearing publicly at parties, galas, festivals, you name it, was the first on that very long list.

But this event in particular was very important. This would be the first Fire Nation gala Earth Kingdom residents, besides Toph and the Kyoshi Warriors, would be invited to after the disaster with the Yu Dao colony. Even though a compromise had been reached, tensions were still running high between the Zuko and Earth King Kuei. Your courtship with Zuko had only worsened the tension, mostly among Fire Nation citizens. They didn’t like the idea of Zuko dating an Earth Kingdom citizen, much less one from a lower class like yourself. After all, the Fire Lord was supposed to date a nice, Fire Nation girl from a nice, rich, noble family. 

But tonight, that didn’t matter. You were bent on enjoying yourself tonight. Zuko had introduced you to Team Avatar a few months ago, and while you had befriended the entire group, you especially clicked with Suki, who coincidentally was who you were chatting with. She was currently telling you about her latest adventure when someone caught your eye.

“And that was the third time I had to take Sokka to get his stomach pumped-”

“Who’s that?” you quipped, suddenly becoming very aware that you hadn’t seen Zuko since the start of the evening.

“Oh, with Zuko? That’s just Mai.” Suki answered as she began telling you about the fourth time Sokka got drunk out of his mind. But you had tuned her out.

You were aware of Zuko and Mais past relationship, just as Zuko was aware of all your past flames. However, no one ever cared to mention just how beautiful Mai was. But they had broken up years ago, not long after the Hundred Year War. You knew this. You knew Zuko didn’t still have feelings for Mai after what- four? Five years? You also knew Mai had moved on and was now dating a certain Kyoshi Warrior with a very pink aura. You knew this!

But knowing didn’t stop your stomach from dropping when you noticed Zuko laughing with Mai. You knew you were being ridiculous. You knew Zuko was sincere when he told  you how much he loved you, how you were his one and only every night before falling asleep in your arms. You knew how he couldn’t care less about the public's thoughts on your relationship. But that didn’t stop you from clutching your glass with a vice grip as you watched Zuko and Mai chat, catching up with each other.

“Hey! Are you even paying attention?” The Kyoshi Warrior snapped, bringing you back to reality.

“Hmm? Oh, sorry. I just, uh, got distracted.” you replied sheepishly.

Suki’s eyebrow quirked, clearly confused at what could have been distracting you. However, the bamboozled expression on her face quickly morphed into a smug one as she followed your line of sight, a smirk taking over her painted face.

“Oh. Y/N. Don’t tell me you’re jealous.” Suki giggled.

“Absolutely not! Why would you think that?” You squeaked, a blush creeping up your neck. Your tone was not a convincing one.

“Really? Do you think that little of me? I know jealous when I see it.” Suki chuckled, her eyebrows raising suggestively.

Before you could embarrass yourself anymore, the string quartet got back from their thirty minute break and began playing a slow, sweet song. 

Suki decided to spare your dignity this time as she saw you eyeing the former couple.

“Go on, Y/N. Get your man.” she sighed.

You didn’t need to be told twice as you set down your drink, dead set to get to Zuko before the song was over. However, the gala was packed, making it very hard to maneuver through the crowd. After bumping into various Fire Nation nobles, probably making them think even less of you than they did before, you finally made it to where Zuko and Mai were chatting. That is, were chatting a few minutes ago. Now, they were nowhere to be found. Confused as to where they could have gone, you began looking around the gala before spotting them.

On the dance floor.

Your eyes widened, then narrowed. The mere sight of another woman dancing with Zuko made your vision turn red. You didn’t care that they had both moved on. You didn’t care about the coos of affection Zuko couldn’t seem to stop whispering into your ear whenever he was near you. All you cared about was the fact that Mai was getting handsy with your boyfriend.

Deep down, in your heart of hearts, you knew where these feelings sprung from. Insecurity. Even before you made your relationship with Zuko known to the public you often wondered if you were enough for him. Zuko didn’t think your nationality or status mattered, but it seemed everyone else did. Now that your courtship had been made known to the public, you were constantly being reminded by articles, nobles, hell, even Zuko's own advisors, that you would never be enough for him. No one ever said anything to your face, of course, but it didn’t take a damn detective to figure out what the glares sent your way and the whispers when no one thought you were looking were about. I mean really, a Fire Lord, a decorated war veteran, with… you? You could barely open a jar by yourself, and while Zuko may find that endearing, it served as yet another reminder that you would never be enough for him.

But that didn’t matter right now. You didn’t feel like playing therapist with yourself. All that mattered was getting Mai, that gorgeous minx, away from Zuko. 

You strutted to Zuko with a determination you didn’t know you had. You were a woman on a mission. Normally, you’d probably think this over a bit more, especially at such an event. But not tonight. Tonight the mighty Fire Lord needed a little reminder of who he belonged to.

Just as the song was ending and Zuko began to lead Mai off of the dance floor, you tapped his shoulder.

“Hey.” you barked. Whoops, that was way louder than you intended.

“Oh, Y/N! I’ve barely seen you all night. Where have you been?” Zuko inquired, as if he hadn’t just been dancing with another woman.

“Around,” you muttered.

“Oh, how rude of me! Mai, this is Y/N, my girlfriend. Y/N, Mai, my, um, ex.” Zuko stammered as he realized the incredibly awkward hole he had just dug himself into.

“Hey. Nice to meet you.” Mai drawled as she looked you up and down. Even in your jealous haze, you noticed that she didn’t look at you the way most nobles did, with hatred in their eyes. She looked intrigued by you, if anything.

“The honors mine. Zuko, we need to talk. Sexy, we’ll continue this conversation later.” you stated with your normal confidence, enhanced by the alcohol.

As Mai watched you storm off, Zuko in hand, her eyebrows raised in surprise. She was not expecting the obviously jealous lover of her ex-boyfriend to call the woman she was jealous of sexy. It was quite amusing, really. This Y/N had certainly piqued her interest. Who knows, maybe if Ty Lee and her didn’t work out and you and Zuko ended up separating she’d give you a shot.

Meanwhile, once you’d led Zuko out of the ballroom and yanked him around the corner, you glared up at him, crossing your arms.

“What is this all about? And why the hell did you just call my ex se-” you cut Zuko off with your mouth, pressing a harsh kiss to his lips. Zuko’s gasp of surprise quickly turned into a moan as you pushed your tongue into his mouth. You continued moving your mouth against his, finding a steady rhythm while bringing your hand up to pull his neck down. The other found its way to his chest while he rested both his arms around your waist. As you drew more moans out of your boyfriend, you decided you had gotten your point across.

You pulled out of the kiss slowly. Zuko whined at the loss of contact. Bringing your mouth up to his ear, you breathed two words.

“You’re mine.”

Zuko’s needy expression turned concerned. 

“Is that what this is about? Are you jealous of Mai?” Zuko sighed as he rested his chin on your head.

Your jealousy faded away. Shame replaced it.

“Oh, spirits. I made such a fool out of myself,” you groaned. “I cannot believe I just did that! I was so caught up in getting to you that I completely abandoned all etiquette. I shoved nobles around, Zuko! I-I called Mai-”

Zuko cut off your rambling with a quick peck to your lips, much softer than the last kiss you shared.

“Hey, don’t start spiraling. This gala’s full of people. I’m sure no one even noticed,” Zuko murmured into your ear.

“But people do notice, Zuko. People notice what I do, analyze the living fuck out of it, and hate me for it,” you blurted. Oh wow. You did not expect to be bringing this up with your boyfriend tonight, yet here you were.

“Y/N, you know I don’t care what anyone thinks about our relationship,” Zuko stated as he slightly pulled away from the embrace to get a better look at you. “We love each other and that’s all that matters.”

“It’s not, though! How can I date the leader of a nation when the nation's people hate me?” you snivelled.

“The Fire Nation doesn’t hate you, Y/N. They’re just not used to you. This whole integrating of nations thing is very new, especially for us. But I’m sure they’ll start loving you in no time. How could they not?” Zuko reassured, his hand coming up to cup your jaw tenderly.

“You really think that?” you whispered, looking into Zuko's eyes as if they were the most beautiful sight in all the four nations. To you, they were.

Zuko leaned in for the third kiss of the night, and in that short moment, the world was only you and Zuko. No snarky nobles, no condescending articles, not even an ex that kind of turned you on. Just Zuko's warm, soft lips moving with yours in harmony.

“Does that answer your question?” Zuko murmured in your ear as he pulled away.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “It does.”

ahhhh my first oneshot! honestly, i didn’t think my first oneshot would go this smoothly. i did have to leave it alone for a little after the first 800 words because it wasn’t coming along great (the conversation with suki worked wonders imo) but i think it came out pretty well! thank you the the anon who requested this- it was a wonderful prompt! just a reminder- i am still taking requests for h/c and oneshots. love y’all xx

[herstarburststories]

Batfam Headcanon: Pregnancy

✾ Request: Can I request a batfam headcanon? Batboys reactions when Kory says she’s pregnant of Mar’i. Btw love you page💕

✾ A/N: You teased me about dickkory, now you got a bible. That’s how it goes. Also, added Babs, Alfred and Bruce as bonus. And I’m glad you enjoy my work! Ps: I barely know Duke, tha’s why he doesn’t show up here.

✾ Disclaimer: Main relationship is Dick Grayson x Koriand’r. Mentions of Tim x Steph and Tim x Kon (kind of?). Check my Fandoms’ liist to see which Ships I’ll write for.

                                                  ━─┈ ✧

Dick Grayson

I'm gonna use unpublished Nightwing #30 here: he and Kory had sex when he was getting ready for the agente stuff.

Once Agent 37 is off the deal, they end up finding each other again. A bit before Dick gets shoot.

And then, as usually it is between the acrobat and the alien princess, they do it again. 

Over and over again.

She gets pregnant and finds out by the time Dick is amnesic.

Don't @ me DC would do that.

Kory flies towards Bludhaven & talks to him. It's not exactly successful. As he had said to Babs before, he didn't want his memories back. Ric was happy without Dick's conscience.

But Starfire isn't asking for her; it's about him, of course. He should be himself, he worked very hard through years to become who he truly was. But mostly, she begged him to come back because of a new addition to their lives.

Pregnant alien!!

At first, Ric Grayson doesn't believe it. Actually, part of him is aware that's true, he can feel it in the change inside his heart when he saw her; something similar to shame and adoration and excitement at once. Kory moved, talked, and seemed like someone he could love, be completely crazy about.

But he wasn't a father!

Koriand'r leaves, and Grayson is by himself again. Without his Gotham or Titans affiliates.

And, for the first time, there is no comfort in that.

He could tell she wasn't lying. Even though a part of his treacherous new mind tried to convince him otherwise.

Grayson's mind didn't know any gorgeous alien, let alone a pregnant with his child alien.

Yet, Dick felt like he had her in his veins. Just like he did with Bruce, Damian, Barbara, Donna, and the others. Tickles behind his skin, a red alarm for a memory that was long lost. But the sensation of keeping it somewhere remained inside him.

Although, when it came to the redhead princess, the warmth inside him was more intense.

Dick was going to be a father. He didn't even know his whole self and would be needed to take care of someone else. Someone small, part of him, and the legacy of the Flying Grayson's. Besides, he didn't even actually remember the mother of his kid.

didn't even remember making the kid.

He calls Bruce. Telling him to bring the antidote that Barbara was keeping if he wanted his memories back.

Not for him, not because it was the right thing, not because of everyone who claimed to love him cried for Dick to do that. Not even because of familiar senses holding into him every time he interacted with someone from his past.

But because he was going to be a father.

This decision was for his child.

When Bruce, Babs, and Damian ask why, he doesn't answer.

He remembers now, and he needs to find Kory.

It's scary, exciting, and the biggest surprise she ever gave to him-- even more scandalous than the day she fell on earth and kissed him.

A dad! He would be a dad!

Jason Todd

It all started off as an unusual ordinary day; 

Roy got himself in trouble, Jason went to help him and the little problem became a bigger situation. Roy called Kory and a few minutes later, the situation was replaced by dust and fire smell. No one died, but it was enough to make the villains leave.

In the middle of ''What the fuck they wanted?" & "Who were they?" wonders, the original Outlaws heard a familiar motorcycle's noise which made Jason huff, Roy arch eyebrows and Kory confused. 

Dick Grayson was there.

He was hysterical, blue eyes flaming with worry and relief towards Kory. Between their couple discussion and the others attempt to understand what was going on 

Were they back together? Did dick know about the outlaws' way and was sticking his nose where it didn't belong? Did the titans need kory urgently? 

Until 'pregnant' left Dick's lips, being followed by Kory's chaotic scream of "Just because I am pregnant, it does not mean I can not fight!"

Roy just had to get closer to them and explain that it would make no good to go through stressful situations, especially if he got it right. 

A deep breath would be taken, and then Dick would apologize to Kory, saying he was just really scared for both of them. She'd look at her Outlaw friends and curve the corner of her lips-- that Kory smile that translate into 'I've seen hell and chose to use its flames to warm up the cold places of my heart.'

‘’Jason, Roy. . . I am expecting a baby.’’

Meanwhile, Jason was taking off his helmet and glaring at his friends with a perplexed look on his face. Also, a slightly desire of punching Dick. Last time he had heard of their relationship, it was about both of them avoiding each other, his older brother telling him to take care of Kory and Jason calling Dick an idiot. Yeah, he had to have a chat with him later.

For now, Roy was pulling him and Kory into a group hug.

Almost felt like their old times together.

Roy: Outlaw baby!!  /  Dick: Excuse me?

Tim Drake

Okay, okay. First of all, he wasn't planning on seeing any member of his family for a quite while. Not that Tim didn't want to, he was just really running out of time. Being Young Justice's leader was a full time job, and he wanted to be excellent at it.

But things don't always pass by as they were settle to. Therefore, when a disaster happens and Conner, of all people, gets hurt, Tim is in a delicate state of mind.

Drake is smart. He knows it isn't just about Conner. It's all the small things he's been keeping since Gotham.

Not enough sleep, but a certain amount of coffee to make his hands shake when it's late enough for the sun to come out weakly. His relationship with Steph is growing with disagreements from both lives; heroic and urban. His best friend is hurt because he analyzed too much a situation instead of telling his team what to do, so they made their independent choices. A dumb mistake, the kind that Batman would be disappointed of. Tim himself was biting his own neck about it. How could he be a leader? He should be better than that.

And then, he made a call. Because of all things he might be and might not be, he wasn't Batman.

Tim had friends, and a brother that would know what he was going through.

And he knew how to ask for help sometimes.

Dick comes by as fast as possible. They go to the roof and talk it out.

"Remember that they aren't just your team, Tim," He would say, a tranquil smile on his face. It's so similar to how he explained his relationship with the Titans when Drake was still Robin years ago. "They are your family. It's impossible for you not to be affected when they get hurt or something goes wrong. But they are alive. They still trust you. They believe, and need you. You need to give yourself some credit, and do your best for them."

OF COURSE Tim is stubborn about that because Dick is Dick and he basically grew with the Titans, it wasn't the same thing. He didn't have his older brother's skills to command, communicate, etc.

It was scary.

"Yet, Tim, a lot of things are scary. But you have to keep going. For who needs saving. For yourself. For the people you love."

His tone is too sentimental, even for Dick's big brother moments.

"You need to find something to fight for. That's how you keep going, even when you make mistakes. Good news, you already have it. "

Tim: Yeah, I think so. . . You came back to the Titans? I still have access to the computers.

Dick: Yeah, no. Kind if. It's complicated.

Tim: "Complicated? Like. . . Alien kind of complication?"

Dick: "You should know about that, huh?"

BLUSHING, STUTTERING TIM. Cutting it because I already mentioned Steph, but I couldn't miss this opportunity ok.

Dick just laughs about it.

"Starfire isn't complicated, but yeah. We are still deciding if we will keep in the Titans or if we are going to Bludhaven for now."

"It sounds serious, even permanent."

"As permanent as a baby can be."

HHSHHSUSJJSIUSIE

BABY?

IS SHE PREGNANT??

Yeah, Tim was pretty wake, and shaking, and his brain felt like burning right now.

OH MY-- DICK

He was going to be a FATHER.

"YOU ARE GONNA BE A PARENT!"

But then, Dick was the older one and the best with kids.

"WAIT, SHE WILL BE HALF ALIEN. An hybrid. In nature, two different but similar species can procreate, but their kid can't have kids. Do you think--"

"Tim, calm down. Can you at least give me congratulations before talking about my unborn child's probable infertility?"

Damian Wayne

He knew Kory and Dick had been seeing each other again.

Therefore, making one of them notice his presence before showing up was necessary.

He didn't want to accidentally see profanity between his brother figure and his team's current leader, thank you.

After an obvious noise, he got in Dick's apartment.

As expected, Starfire was there.

She was standing up, and Grayson and looking at her tearful, while holding her belly.

It wasn't possible.

Grayson wouldn't be that irresponsible, would he?

Of course he would.

" So, I supposed Starfire either has a deadly bellyache, or you two are procreating. "

He is mildly fearing that Dick won't have much time for him, but that's a matter for another time.

BONUS!

Bruce Wayne and Alfred Pennyworth

Dick visits the manor with Kory someday.

He had to give the news or Batman would end up knowing anyway.

Honestly, it wasn't about that. He actually wanted to tell Bruce about his baby.

Alfred was there when they exchanged greetings, politely as usual.

‘'We are having a baby.'’

Listen, Bruce knows how to keep his emotions under his skin, but his eldest son being a father?

This must be the most real expression he has showed in years, and it's full of emotions; he is content, and surprised, and worried.

Some would say that Alfred was tearfully, but kept his posture. Master Bruce really made it. Obstacles, of course, even more than necessary at times. Yet, he was going to be a grandfather, and master Dick was becoming a father.

Gotham had a sunny day for once.

Barbara Gordon 

If it's not Kory and Babs' baby, she will be aunt Babs

Something happens, help becomes needed.

Nightwing shows up in the middle of the combat, he was in Gotham to talk to Bruce & Alfred & Damian, anyway.

Batman dispersed him, though.

And Batgirl was confused by Batman's choice, especially after listening to his explanation:

"Nightwing, this is more dangerous than our usual job. I will take Robin and Batgirl. You have more urgent thinks to be taken care of. "

The dynamic duo leaves and there is just two long time friends. 

It doesn't take a half second for Barbara to notice Dick hiding something.

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

"All right, Dick Grayson. What did you do?"

"Apparently, a baby."

????????????

"He has been ditching me since he learned about Kory's pregnancy."

"KORY'S WHAT!?"

"You didn't even tell me you two were back together!"

"You lost your virginity to an attractive alien and now she is pregnant with your child. That is. . . Surprising."

"I am really happy for you, Dick."

"Thank you, Babs. . . You know what? Maybe it's time to actually introduce you to Kory."

Communicator ringing.

"After I take care of something. Go home, dad."

[travllingbunny]

The 100: 7x08 Anaconda

The mini-rewatch of season 7 that @jeanie205 and me did during this mini-hiatus is finished, and with that, I’m going to finally post my reviews of 7x08 and 7x09, hopefully before the show returns.

I’m tempted to start talking about the opening scene without any introduction, just like the episode itself started with no “Previously on” and no cold open (the latter, I believe, for the first time since season 1, when the show still did not have any opening titles).. but I’m going to still say a few general things before going into details under the cut. 

When it was first announced that an episode of The 100′s final season would be the backdoor pilot for a prequel show, that info was met with a lot of hostility (to the effect of “why waste a full episode on new characters instead of those we know”), which didn’t surprise me much. What did surprise me was that people mostly seemed to expect the episode to be 100% set in the past and unrelated to anything from season 7 - which, as far as I know, is not how backdoor pilots normally work, they still have to fit within the season they’re a part of. The structure of the episode is more in line with what I expected - while most of the episode is set in the past, the framing device is a scene of Clarke confronting Bill Cadogan in the Stone Room on Bardo, and the long flashback is both setting up a possible prequel, and revealing things relevant to the plot of season 7. The biggest connecting points are the Anomaly Stone on Earth, the importance of the Flame for Cadogan and the Disciples, and Cadogan himself, who is clearly not going to be a character in the prequel except possibly in flashbacks, but who is one of the main antagonists of season 7. The episode works as a backdoor pilot but is also interesting as a part of the backstory of The 100. 

I really enjoyed the episode - and as it turns out, I enjoyed it even more on rewatch, when I could stop and soak in all the new info and details - and I hope the prequel does picked up, as it has a lot of potential to be interesting, though there is one big concern I have about it. More about that at the end of this post under “Prequel speculation”.

So no Previously on this time (unsurprisingly), no cold open - and we get a brand new version of the opening titles - since this episode technically fully takes place on Bardo, these opening titles start with the Bardo Stone Room and end with another shot of the Stone Room we haven’t seen before in the OT, one with the Stone. The Stone Room is where they begin and end, just like the episode itself. And just like Clarke and the rest of her group have been stuck in this Stone Room for 4 episodes.

But I actually don’t mind it in this episode. At least Clarke is in the focus of these few minutes we spend in the present, and I really like these few minutes. We start with an expanded version of Clarke's response to the news of Bellamy's "death", with slow motion, distorted angles and close-ups of Clarke’s face showing shock and grief and numbness (and I’m going to post another screenshot of that, because I want to savor the moments when the show focuses on characters’ grief before going back to the action - and not just the type of grief that results in going off the rails and murdering people.) We also see Raven on the verge of tears, and Miller choking a little - the other two people who have been Bellamy’s friends for a long time. Clarke being Clarke, she picks herself up the moment she sees someone else in pain (Raven) and focuses on honoring Bellamy’s memory, just as Bellamy did in 4x13 when he believed Clarke was dead, and tells Raven they need to save Octavia and Echo: “We do this for him. We do this for our family” - acknowledging that saving them is something of particular importance as they were people important to Bellamy, and also including them in the “family”, as the term these people use to describe their group and the bonds that have formed over time. (Family is bond closer and less close than friendship. You can be someone’s friend and their family, but you can also be a part of someone’s family without necessarily having developed a friendship with that person, due to the overall bonds and loyalty.)

Then we get the first meeting between Clarke and probably the season’s main antagonist, Bill Cadogan, who comes to another wrong conclusion when he thinks she recognized him because she has the Flame (and, he hopes, Callie’s memories), when it's actually from a video Jaha showed her.

Gabriel has another moment where he helps Clarke (as when he covered for her in 5x13) and silently communicates with her to let her know that the Disciples believe she still has the Flame, so she could keep up that pretense. These two work well as a team.

The bulk of the episode is the flashback framed as Bill telling a story to Clarke - though we don’t actually see the flashback from his POV, and he doesn’t even appear in many of the scenes. In fact, it is almost all from Callie’s POV, and some of it from Reese’s.

And we get back to Clarke and the Stone Room in the end, with the shocking “twist” of Clarke and the Nakara group seeing Octavia, Echo and Diyoza as Disciples. Shocking for them, not for us - we know they had no choice. 

Clarke saying “You killed my best friend!” has caused some pointless (but in this fandom, expected) drama, where some fans saw that as “confirmation” that Bellarke is and will remain completely ‘platonic” - even though that makes no sense. What did anyone expect her to call him? My boyfriend? He wasn’t that. The man I love? My soulmate? Someone expected her to say that to an enemy she’s never met before, in front of a bunch of her friends and other people?  Very unlikely, even if he hadn’t still been Echo’s boyfriend when he “died”. Some thought “Bellamy” or “him” would have been better, but what would that mean to Cadogan? He’s never met her and knows nothing about her, and she was trying to make it clear how much Bellamy meant to her. If anything, the fact that she’s singled him out as her best friend is a big progress from their usual habit of never defining their relationship to each other - except for Clarke including Bellamy in the collective designation of her “friends” or “family”.

I love the way the Chromatics cover of Neil Young’s “Into the Black” was used in the ending montage - so I made two gifsets about the use of the song for the Cadogan family scenes, and for the scene with Clarke:

https://travllingbunny.tumblr.com/post/623186143096307712/its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-away-the

https://travllingbunny.tumblr.com/post/623186346138370048/its-better-to-burn-out-than-it-is-to-rust-the

Flashback

This is our second look at the world pre-apocalypse - after the brief scene of Josephine’s memory in 6x07, where we saw Josephine and her friend in the diner. But that scene took place several years before the apocalypse (depending on how much time was needed to get from Earth to Sanctum on Eligius 3, which did not have damaged engines as Eligius 4 did after the uprising), since Josephine and her family and the rest of Mission Team Alpha were already on Sanctum 7 years before the apocalypse. And Josephine and her friend were far less interested in the current events than Callie or August, so we only got a few outside references, including the magazine covers which showed that Diyoza’s capture was the main national news, and that Becca was already very high profile and on the cover of a technology/science magazine.

This, however, is the very day of the apocalypse. In the first scene - Callie Cadogan and her friend Lucy in Callie’s and her mother’s home, after participating in a protest as parts of environmentalist group with the familiar name Tree Crew -  we get lots of info about just how crappy this world was even before ALIE started a nuclear apocalypse, through various news items on TV (see this post) - and it is like 2020, only taken to the 10th degree:

natural disasters as a result of global warming (a deathly heath wave is mentioned), new diseases (Coronavirus “Russian Ankovirus” outbreak), economic inequality (one of the news is that measures aimed at poverty relief haven’t met with support in Congress), internment camps in USA, anti-government protests in the USA that end up with riot police beating up protestors, together with technological developments, such as the first orbiting hotel (I wonder if anyone was already using it - if they were, there would be more survivors in space, but it doesn’t seem this ever became a part of the Ark), or the first brain transplant. a medical development which begs some ethical questions (since I’m pretty sure that a person with a functioning brain is still alive... I cant think of several different scenarios, disturbing to various degrees). 

The world’s population has risen to 11 billion - I guess that’s why ALIE thought there were ���too many people” (but her reasoning was as flawed as Thanos’ - instead of killing people, how about increasing or just better redistributing resources?). 

It’s also confirmed that a Wallace was the POTUS at the time, meaning that the President and the administration went to the underground bunker at Mount Weather to survive the apocalypse (after which, as we know, they did the North Korean thing where they nominally live in a republic but their leaders are really hereditary).

Callie calls the US regime at the time “fascistic”, echoing how Diyoza characterized it in season 5.

Callie,her friend Lucy and August were all members of the environmentalist group Tree Crew (who already had the same symbol we later see Trikru the clan using), apparently declared illegal or terrorist or something by the Wallace administration.

Callie and Grace Cadogan also used to be members of the Second Dawn cult, led by her father Bill, together with her brother Reese. August also used to be a member. Possibly as a child of some other members. 

Becca Franko - described as “tech tycoon” and “reclusive billionaire” - had not been seen in public for a year, since she went to her Polaris space station (to work on the Flame, as we know), a year after she created the first ALIE (and quickly realized ALIE had a fatal flaw). She also owned her own network.

One other piece of info about this world: they had holograms as a means of communication.

Something that was not in the news and not known to the public: it seems that quite a few people were “in the know” about the fact that a nuclear apocalypse may happen (whether they suspected it would be ALIE, or thought there would be a nuclear war) - and even had a code word for it, “Anaconda”. Bill Cadogan was one of the people who knew it. The POTUS and his administration obviously had enough time to evacuate. It’s mentioned that a lot of people immediately started trying to get to the bunkers. 

Cadogan and Becca did not personally know each other before the apocalypse, but he apparently had “friends” in many of the space stations. This explains how she knew where the real Second Dawn bunker was located. But whoever these “friends” were, they clearly did not pass on that knowledge to the future generations on the Ark, since even Jaha, who researched Second Dawn, was only able to find public info - articles, Cadogan’s biography - and didn’t even know where the decoy bunker was, let alone the real one.

The most important thing the backdoor pilot needs to do, of course, is introduce compelling, interesting characters. It did pretty well in that regard - Callie is a likable protagonist, and the fact that the antagonists - Bill and Reese Cadogan - are her father and brother, gives more emotional resonance by putting family relationships at the center. The new characters have some similarities to the main characters from The 100, but are at the same time different enough. 

The comparison between Callie and Clarke is the most obvious. Oddly enough, Jason tried to draw a difference between them by saying Callie is focused on saving “everyone” rather than “her people” - which makes me scratch my head, unless he means that Callie will always remain absolutely the same through the prequel show, since Clarke also started off by wanting to save everyone - and that was her driving motive for a long time, until the plot kept putting her in situations where she had to choose between her friends and family and strangers, where the latter would often be aggressors attacking her people. What strikes me as the biggest difference i- not just between Callie and Clarke but between all these prequel characters and the main characters of The 100 - is their background and the world they have grown up in. Clarke and Callie are both “princesses” - from the privileged background, but in Clarke’s case, it’s privileged relative to the majority of other people from the Ark, like the Blakes or Raven (which meant things like, nicer living quarters, opportunity to watch recordings of old soccer matches as entertainment, probably less worry about not getting the medicine you need), but in comparison with the way the most of the viewers live... definitely not. The world Clarke was born in is a post-apocalyptic world of scarce resources and constant fight for survival, and even her happy (by those standards)’ life in that world ends a year before the Pilot, when her father is executed and she has spent a year in solitary confinement, expecting to be executed herself - before she’ and 99 teenagers are sent to Earth as “expendable”. On the other hand, Callie, Reese, August, Tristan and others grew up in a world similar to our own. There are, of course, many people in our world who also have to fight for their own day-to-day survival every day, but the Cadogans are rich, and the rest of the Second Dawn members and their families are no doubt not far off. This is Callie’s house:

Some of these middle-class and upper middle-class kids are rebellious, idealistic and optimistic and worry about the fate of the world, like Callie, Lucy and August.  On the other hand, there’s Reese, whose driving motivation is to impress his father and gain his love. He’s a rich boy with daddy issues, but he’s also a victim of emotional abuse - maybe physical, too (if we take into account a cut scene  showing a training session where his father injures him, under the explanation of making him tougher or whatever). Callie and Reese are only the second sibling dynamic we see explored on the show (I’m not counting Emori and Otan, since the latter appeared very shortly), and this dynamic - a sibling rivalry between a rebellious girl who is her father’s favorite even while she opposes and rejects him, and her jealous brother who wants to impress his father - is completely different from the Blakes. (It reminds me a bit of Gamora amd Nebula - and I’ve just realized this is the second time in this review I’ve referenced MCU.)

Watching this family dynamic, I was reminded of another family that paralleled and contrasted the Griffins: the Lightbournes. Particularly when Grace called Bill a narcissist with psychopathic tendencies and he was entertained by that, In the flashback in 6x02. Simone called Russell a megalomaniac - but that was really said as a cute joke, as the Lightbournes were happily married, and Simone was just as bad as Russell, and even more ruthless than him. But in both cases, we have destructive rich white guy megalomaniacs who made themselves into gods, and want to bring back their dead daughters. Daughters are both extremely intelligent, brilliant and charismatic, but completely different in personality. (The mothers, while all very different, seem all to have been medical professionals - I’m not sure about Grace, but Callie does mention learning how to stitch a wound from her.) Callie sees that her father is an a-hole and rejects his values, and is an idealist and altruist who wants to do the right thing and save people (while Josephine was a selfish narcissist). Her mother Grace is somewhere in between, as she also left Second Dawn and doesn’t fully agree with Bill - but will often go along with him, and tries to keep peace between the other family members, and thinks their family needs to “set an example”. With the Griffins, we had an idealistic, altruistic father and a daughter with similar characteristics, who adored him and misses him after losing him, and a mother who was similarly concerned with helping others, and the conflicts between them were about how to go about these solutions. With the Lightbourne, we had the evil version of the Griffins, and the Cadogans have a more complicated dynamic. Callie is more comparable to Clarke, and Bill to Russell. 

But one aspect in which Bill Cadogan is much worse than Russell is - where Russell loved his family, maybe a bit too much, considering what he did to bring them back, Bill loves himself and his “savior” role more than anything. Maybe his love for Callie comes close - and I get the impression that one of the main reasons he loves her is because he respects her and she challenges him - but it is still not his main motive.  He is ready to punish his ex-wife for disobeying him by leaving her to die. Reese is an a-hole, but it’s hard not to feel sorry for him when he thinks for a moment that his father is worried for him (when Bill runs up to Reese, who's injured) but Bill immediately shows that all he cares about is getting the Flame, so he can get the final code for the Anomaly.

Another issue is, of course, that Callie, Reese and Grace are POC, but I don’t know if race - or sexuality, or gender - will ever be raised as an issue on the prequel show itself - or if the world pre-apocalypse and right after it is supposed to be as post-race, post-sexuality, post-gender as the current timeline of The 100 is. On The 100, for instance, Thelonius and Wells Jaha being black or Clarke being bisexual or a woman, were not issues that affected their status - only class issues existed; if the pre-apocalypse society was different, then the show could explore Callie, Reese and Grace being very privileged in terms of class and status in SD as Cadogan’s family, and lack of privilege in other respects.

I’m not sure I fully buy the way Callie easily goes along with her mother and leaves her best friend to die. It seems to go against the rest of her characterization. But maybe it shows that she still wasn’t a full-blown rebel at this point, in spite of participating in the protests against the government and in spite of rebelling against her father - maybe she still wasn’t able to really rebel against her mother, too. 

Interesting line - as Callie stitches Lucy's injuries, Lucy says: "I don't want to be scarred for life" - which may be foreshadowing for Callie being scarred and haunted by the fact she left Lucy to die? Unless Lucy turns out to somehow be alive - but worse for wear. Which would again haunt Callie, too.

I guess Callie’s failure to at least try harder is supposed to be what drives her to try and save other people, after she learns that there was still room and resources for almost 100 more people in the bunker - and when she sees August fighting tooth and nail to save his girlfriend, when she is barred from the bunker because she’s not “Level 12″. August is clearly a character the show is setting us up to like - these scenes are reminiscent of Bellamy fighting to open the door for his sister, and his name evokes the Blakes (Octavia was named after Octavian August’s sister)..

(Sidenote: Callie mentions a high suicide rate (20 suicides in the last 6 months, twice as many attempts) - and this is something that would realistically happen in such a dire situation. It’s a bit unrealistic that it apparently never happened with Wonkru.)

The SciFi plot points relevant to the overall plot make an appearance when we see the Anomaly Stone on Earth, which Bill found in Machu Picchu and brought to the bunker (and we get an explanation why he didn’t use it right after the apocalypse but spent two years in the bunker instead - he didn’t know how to activate it - not being able to find the last two symbols)... and when, two years later, Becca Franko arrives from Polaris in her pod, as we saw in 3x07, with Nightblood as the cure against radiation she’s about to offer everyone, and the Flame in her head.

A few words about how I feel about Becca. While she is here positioned in opposition to Bill Cadogan - who is definitely a megalomaniac a-hole and a villain - I can’t see her as a pure unambiguous and unproblematic good guy we should stan, as Callie stans her. For starters, Becca is also a megalomaniac - she calls her second AI “the Flame”, comparing herself to Prometheus! (But she makes me think of Dr Frankenstein, and the full title of Mary Shelley’s novel was Frankenstein or the Modern Prometheus.) She is, of course, as a genius scientist, a lot more capable and competent than Cadogan,but she also has a huge savior complex (only she is focused on the idea of her AI being the savior, rather than herself), and is also another big capitalist - a “tech tycoon” who owns her own space station and her own network (and was so powerful and politically relevant that the Chinese and the Russian space station were refusing to join the rest of the stations until the US station destroyed Polaris -  Becca was apparently seen as a rival strong enough to challenge the US government?). She worked for a big corporation (Eligius) which colonized other planets and used people - prisoners - as “expendable” work force that can be left to die if necessary. And knowing that she had Nightblood developed more than 7 years before the apocalypse, and that she was worried about what ALIE could do  - I wonder why she didn’t offer Nightblood as the solution for a potential apocalypse before it happened, rather than isolating herself on Polaris to work on the Flame. That was one questionable decision - another one was putting the people on Polaris in danger and letting them die, so she could get the Flame to Earth. I could be more understanding of this decision if I could embrace the idea of the Flame as more important than anything, the one thing needed to save the world, as Becca believed it was. But her idea of a sole savior who will help everyone after being enhanced through an AI is something I find pretty questionable and a bit disturbing in general. To be fair the Flame definitely did fulfill its role once and help a person with a good mind use it to save the world - Clarke in season 3. But that was one time, to save the world from ALIE. This, however, doesn’t really justify passing the Flame on and on and giving people political power with it - even without knowing how distorted her initial idea would become in the Grounder society, surely anyone can see the potential for tyranny there? And Becca was aware that 1) the Flame could also make a bad person become even worse and powerful (as it has with Sheidheda) and 2) someone like Bill could use it to destroy the world, according to Becca herself. Seems like a way too big a risk to take.

There are apparently 744 different Anomaly symbols, which means an “infinite” number of combinations, according to Becca (err, not really; it’s a really, really huge number, but it’s not “infinite”, which bugged me a little, since I wouldn’t expect a scientist, especially one who uses the Infinity symbol as her logo, to use the word “infinity” as an exaggeration).

Becca manages to activate the Stone, not because of any scientific knowledge she has, but because the Flame, apparently, gives her enhanced hearing - allowing her to hear the sounds of the Stone, where each sound stands for a symbol. (Dogs can apparently also hear those rather unpleasant sounds.) Everything in this episode makes it clear that it is the Flame itself that Bill needs to find the code, it's always been about that. (Him thinking Callie is in there is just a bonus - emotional connection.) The Flame had no one's memories/spirit in this episode before Becca died, and Becca made it clear to Callie that it’s all about the Flame itself. If the Disciples knew Clarke didn’t have the Flame anymore, they wouldn’t need Madi or Sheidheda - it’s not about the memories, not even Becca’s., it’s that piece of plastic that's buried on Sanctum, if it can still work. (Or maybe they need Picasso :p.)

The most mysterious moment and the biggest question of the episode is - where (when?) did Becca go and what did she see when she activated the Stone the second time and when she and Callie saw the white light coming from the Anomaly? This is different from the green light we see when the Anomaly takes you to other planets. The white light is probably connected to transcendence and/or the Judgment Day that Becca said she saw - which Cadogan, with his typical arrogance, believes he is ready for. but Becca believes no one is. 

"It wasn't to open the bridge to another world, it was to remake this one" - this line would make me think that our protagonists are meant to rebuild the Earth - but at this point, I find it hard to see how this could happen over in just 7 episodes, with how the current storylines are going. So maybe they’ll focus on rebuilding Sanctum, after all.

For opposing Bill’s plans, Becca is locked up for 5 days, tied to a pipe (geez!) and, guessing what’s about to happen, she explains the Flame to Callie and tells her to take it and never allow Cadogan to have it, as she believes he could destroy the world with it. (Another often asked question was how the Flame survived Becca’s burning - we learn that it can and that it’s programmed to save itself.)

Becca is burned by Second Dawn Disciples led by Reese Cadogan, presumably at his dad’s orders. Which maybe was supposed to evoke the popular idea of “burning a witch”, but the historical fact that burning at the stake was the traditional punishment for heresy fits even better. There’s been speculation that the memory we saw in 5x10 was his - but that’s incorrect: Madi experienced that memory, she felt being burned, screamed and yelled what Becca was yelling, and we saw it from her POV - the Second Dawn members that were around her and herself reflected in their helmets.

Another memory we saw from Madi, the one we saw her draw in 7x09 (and which I initially mistook seems to be a memory of Becca or other people going into the Anomaly) seems to actually be a memory of the moment when Becca first interacted with the Anomaly Stone and talked about it with the other people in the room - Bill, Grace, Callie and Reese. In other words, every one of the Flame memories from this period may be Becca’s - we have no evidence that would help us learn who else took the Flame after her death. It could be any of the characters who stayed on Earth - Bill is the only one who definitely has never gotten his hands on it.

Retcons and Easter Eggs

I’ve always thought that the world-building, especially when it comes to the Grounder society and culture, was the weakest part of the show. Jason obviously followed some of the common tropes of post-apocalyptic fiction when it comes to the portrayal of Grounders, but didn’t think things through - and at some point, probably realized and/or heard/read all the criticism of the show and thought: “This really doesn’t make any sense”,  came up with the Second Dawn backstory, and eventually came up with this expanded backstory, which gives many new explanations. Even though we still don’t have the answer to the biggest question: how a society made of bunch of modern people, survivors, could deteriorate into a tribal society with a medieval level of technological development and lack of knowledge about science and the past culture and history - over a few decades. I guess we need to see the prequel for that, but there are some ideas how it could have happened.  I liked most of the retcons in this episode, such as:

Trigedaslang was devised by Callie as a child. The idea of a new language developing naturally over less than 100 years never made sense. (The “it’s a pidgin” explanation never worked either - as Trig apparently developed without the influence of any other language or necessity to communicate with people who don’t speak English. It’s just distorted/changed English.) The only reasonable explanation was always that it was an artificial language - we just didn’t know when it was made.

Finally we get an explanation about the fact that Grounders originated from the Second Dawn survivors and were influenced by their mottoes (”From the ashes, we will rise”), but at the same time, worship Becca as “Pramheda” and make their leaders take the Flame - in spite of the fact that Cadogan and Becca were rivals and that the latter was burned by the Second Dawn members. 

The fact that two factions already exist - Callie’s (adores Becca, wants to save as many people as possible by using Nightblood, clearly trusts in science) and Reese’s (Second Dawn true believer, burned Becca, needs the Flame for other purposes) may start to explain how things started going wrong and the society fractured.

Speaking of which, the Conclave seems to have originated from Reese Cadogan’s obsession with the fights his father made him have with him and his sister, and his dumbass idea of using a duel to determine who gets the Flame. This is a better explanation than “it is after an apocalypse, so they just started having death tournaments for reasons”. Callie, on the other hand, is much more pragmatic and doesn’t seem to care much about tournaments as a way to prove oneself - because she doesn’t need to, so she does the Indiana Jones/Harrison Ford thing and just pulls the gun and shoots him in the shoulder. One of my favorite moments in this episode. 

“Tree Crew” gets the award as the least expected and funniest new piece of info/retcon, though that begs the question of how the other clans got their names. I’ve joked that Ice Nation were a group of ice hockey fans... but for all I know, maybe that’s true! :D Or maybe the “Trikru” name was later misinterpreted as something to do with living in the woods, so the other clans started having names like “Boat people” or “Shallow Valley people”.

August made up the term Nightblood.  

"You must choose wisely" comes from something Becca said to Callie, about choosing the person to give the Flame to. Too bad that later Commanders didn’t know it meant “find the most qualified person” and instead got the weird idea that it meant making a bunch of kids fight each other and that one of them winning somehow means the dead Commander’s spirit “chose” their successor.

One thing that definitely makes a lot more sense now is the Grounder’s bizarre fashion sense, I can easily see a bunch of 21st century upper middle class/rich teenagers thinking it would be super cool to wear warpaint, tattoos and dreadlocks (even if you’re as white as the original Sheidheda), and some later Commander going: “I want to wear a crown! No, you know what would be cool? That thing Indian women wear on their foreheads? You know that thing? I could wear that!” 

Easter Egg: Callie was reading Ovid’s “Metamorphosis” at home just before the news of the nuclear apocalypse came - the same book that Niylah gave as a gift to Octavia not long after they went into the bunker (5x02). And maybe it is literally the same book - they sure weren’t printing any new books and someone had to bring that book initially to the Second Dawn bunker during the first apocalypse. In 5x02, it was symbolic of Octavia’s transformation into Blodreina. Here, it may be symbolic of Callie becoming a leader, or the transformation of the entire society.

But some other retcons don’t work well:

The Flame’s abilities have been retconed so many times, but this is the first time we learn that it enhances the Commanders’ senses - which is a big plot point, as it allowed Becca to hear the sounds of the Stone. We have never heard about that before or seen any indication that Lexa or S5/6 Madi had any enhanced sight or Matt Murdock-like super-hearing. 

So why was Becca called the Commander aka Heda? I don’t mean the fact that she was never one - Callie could have decided to call her the first Commander as an homage. But why that term? The flashback in 3x07 made it look like it was because Becca was wearing a suit with the word “Commander” (because she took the actual Commander’s suit before she left Polaris) - but since everyone knew who she was, why would that make them start calling her Commander?

Prequel speculation

There’s a lot of reasons why I’d like to see the prequel picked up. Firstly, because Callie is a likable and charismatic protagonist. Reese could be an interesting antagonist as he is her brother - and while he has been a grade A a-hole so far, there’s room there for character development, especially with his relationship with his sister, backstory of abuse by their father and the probability that he’ll understand at some point that he won’t be able to get the Flame to his dad even if he gets it. There’s also the fact that their mother will need saving at the start of the new show (if it gets picked up), and certainly a lot of other possibilities for family drama. And we’d probably also see Callie change and be faced with difficult and morally ambiguous situations that test her, much as we’ve seen with Clarke over the seasons.

Several other things mentioned by Jason in his interviews sound quite exciting:

Lost-style flashbacks to the characters’ lives pre-apocalypse: I’d love this. It would present a contrast before and after the apocalypse, and flesh out characters, and let us learn more about things like, what the Battle of San Francisco was, which wars was Diyoza in, more about Diyoza’s role as a freedom fighter/terrorist... can we get more Diyoza backstory?

the possibility of seeing the origins of the Ark and ancestors of our main characters like Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia (and we know we would see the ancestors of these characters, Jason mentioned that - the guy clearly does know what the fandom likes and wants), immediately doubled my interest. I just hope there’s a good idea how to do that without 1) the two stories looking completely disconnected (it seems this won’t be the case as Jason mentioned that Callie’s people will have to go to space to make more Nightblood and this will allow crossovers) and 2) with a good explanation how the people on the Ark, 97 years later, did not know about the survivors on the ground, about the Earth being survivable, or about the Nightblood, which had been used by Eligius years before. The line  "Dad had friends on more than one space station. They already know we're here" also begs for an explanation.

on the ground, we’ll see Callie and co. looking for more survivors (after all, there were more bunkers and other shelters) and offering them Nightblood as a “cure” - which could lead to a lot of interesting situations (and potentially pretty current commentary, if there are people who refuse it)... On the other hand, this could also lead to some more moral dilemmas when they run out of the Nightblood shots (they have 2,000 at the moment, and again, Jason has indicated that they will run out of NB and will have to create more).

Some of the big questions include - who becomes the actual first Commander? How does the society develop from there? When and how is the Anomaly Stone deactivated on Earth, and where is it now? How does Becca’s knowledge eventually get lost? We’ve heard it’s because the data got corrupted/deteriorated over time, but it’s a little too convenient that even Madi still had Becca’s memories, but the scientific and technological all other knowledge was gone during the following 95 years.

I have some ideas how it could go. A lot of people (including, obviously, Bill himself in-universe) wonder if Callie became a Commander and would like to see her be the first Commander. But Callie is the first Flamekeeper, and I don’t see her going “I’m the best and most qualified person, I should have it”. This doesn’t preclude the possibility - she may finally take it for similar reasons Clarke did in season 3, because she has to in order to do something important and there are no other candidates around. But that would be too optimistic an option. Maybe Reese manages to get his hands on the Flame, but Callie or August or someone from her faction manages to disconnect the Stone so he wouldn’t be able to get it to Bill? Or maybe someone else - say, Tristan, who so far can be summed up as “that while guy a-hole who hangs out with Reese” - managed to get his hands on it and then make himself Commander? If people like Tristan or Reese become the Commander, that would work better in terms of explaining how things went so wrong with the Grounder society.

There have been speculations if these characters are ancestors of this or that character we know. Maybe Tristan is an ancestor of this Tristan from season 1 (the guy who was sent to ‘slaughter’ the 100 and was killed by Kane in 2x01)? People are often named after their grandparents, sometimes even after their parents, or celebrated ancestors - names can get passed on like that, and Tristan isn’t exactly the most common name. Or, if Tristan manages to become a Commander - that would make it a popular name.

In any case, the prequel needs to provide a convincing explanation how the society of these survivors and their descendants went from what we see in this episode to the Grounder society we know. But this is my big concern about the prequel - and it’s the problem that many prequels have: however they get there, we know how things turn out; we know it all somehow goes wrong, and that not only will the antagonist fail in their initial goal (getting the Flame to Bill), but the protagonist, Callie, will ultimately fail in her attempts to create a better society. Instead, the Grounder society will descend into tribalism, worship of violence, and constant wars between a bunch of clans, the Flame won’t be given to the person chosen as most qualified but will be fought over by a bunch of children selected on the basis of “special blood” (as Nightblood becomes rarer over time) and forced to kill each other, and most of Becca’s knowledge will be forgotten, as Grounders become technologically underdeveloped and unable to really defend themselves from the Mountain Men, who will learn about them in a few decades and start using them as blood supply.

On the other hand, knowing that the protagonists will fail and that everything will go wrong is often the case with prequels (e.g. regardless of their quality, Star Wars prequels were certainly watched by many people), or, for that matter, with some period dramas (e.g. Babylon Berlin, which I love - set in the Weimar Republic, which means that we know all the time while watching the show that things will go horribly wrong on the level of the society). Sometimes that sense of doom doesn’t turn me off as viewer and actually makes the story more compelling in a way. But that would certainly be a difference from The 100 - no matter how dark, we can still hope things will turn out well and a good solution will be found. Or maybe everything will go even worse. We don’t know how things turn out with the humanity in general. In this prequel, we would know.

Body count for this episode: in the present day, no one. in the flashbacks... over 10 billion people.

Rating: 9/10

[erideights]

Everything that we never get to say.

Request by @lady-of-black-roses : Our best angel x reader, the moment they met, their relationship through the years and a kiss in the end.

Pairing: Aziraphale x Fem!Reader (Good Omens)

Word Count: 2066.

Warnings: SO MUCH ANGST. Death. War.

A/N: I'm totally fucking sure this isn't what you was thinking this would be, but you wanted angst and I had this horrible idea and... I'm so sorry.

''—and then I said ‘Pardon me, what!? No way.’ My Bentley! Buy MY Bentley! Can you believe it?"

Aziraphale's gaze was lost in the distance through the transparent and clear glass of the window of the back room of his shop, where his most precious books were safely kept in his old desk.

He heard Crowley's voice, but he didn’t listen to him, so when the silence fell, almost like a cue to give his opinion, he just hummed.

It was raining, and the drops of water that slid down the impeccable surface before him were reflected in his eyes, eyes that for the first time in oh, so many years, mirrored a regret, sadness and longing the demon would never have believed possible in the angel.

But he was watching his back, so, in any case, he didn’t witness such an atrocious image.

"—angel, angel! You're listening? Where the fuck are you? Get down from the clouds."

But again, the blonde platinum angel didn’t answer, just sighed deeply and allowed his whole body to rock to the rhythm of that breath.

Only the red-haired demon's hand on his shoulder, who had been forced to leave his comfortable seat in search of his friend's attention, was able to tear our Aziraphale from his daydream.

"Hey, you okay?" Crowley asked when through the eyes of the angel crossed confusion and bewilderment. Question to which, quickly but worse pretended than he would have expected, Aziraphale replied:

"Of course, of course I am! I was just trying to imagine a world in which you existed without the car. But it has been in vain, certainly. I can not visualize you without it."

But it was evident that he was lying, and Crowley knew it.

The sad story our beloved angel was reviving begins a few years before the outbreak of the Second World War.

We are in London, on a lost street in a neighborhood not very rich but not poor either, where sad gray buildings stood to the sky and people walked down the street as if life had been taken from them.

The atmosphere was tense, there was no doubt about it, with the war about to explode at any moment, to allow oneself to be happy and to wear a smile was complicated to see.

But even so, there were always those special individuals, unique in their kind, who with only a slight upward curve of their lips, seemed to radiate their own light and bathe in it all who came and wanted some of its warmth.

She was just like that.

Y/N, a young librarian who worked day and night in the most lost and desolate of libraries in all London, but for some reason, was always surrounded by children hungry for her charisma, her love and, above all, her stories.

The first time he saw her, Aziraphale was desperately searching for a book of prophecies that, people told, had been discovered a few years ago in an attic of an abandoned building by the area, and like most books lost and/or without owner with real value for the state, it ended up in the town hall or in the closest library to his find.

That same day he crossed two large wooden doors, worn, scruffy by time but cozy in its tender, eccentric and strange way. And there she was, hair tied in a bun that after so many hours of work was practically undone, smile in a mouth full of white pearls for teeth and eyes that could make the most insensitive of men fall in love with her.

She chatted animatedly with a group of what Aziraphale considered mothers, their children not many meters away, huddled around a round table like knights in shining armors, reading similar books that they would later exchange and use to create a story to be able to play in the park.

The angel Aziraphale would swear he had never experienced what love was, but the moment their eyes met, the common description of that emotion was the closest thing he could feel in his more than 5,000 years of life.

She was Heaven in Earth.

But as it was habit for him, those feelings that seemed to surface in his skin were completely ignored, buried at the end of a dark chamber that until a few years later he wouldn’t have the audacity to open.

Not until it was too late.

With an affable smile and his hands, nervously playing with the end of his cinnamon-colored vest, the thousand-years-old angel made his way to the counter of the small, old but cozy library, interrupting —without wanting to— the conversation between his charming and mysterious unknown woman and the mothers of the neighborhood, who soon began chatting between them several meters away.

"Good Morning!" she chirped happily, as charming as he had imagined her. He found himself sighing and drawing the most beautiful of his smiles just for her. "How can I help you?"

Over a few years, their relationship developed between —not so— random fortuitous meetings in the library, all caused by Aziraphale under the pretext and the excuse of enjoying the calm that reigned there —he assured that, in other libraries, ‘’the tumult came to overwhelm him’’— and other approaches not left to chance itself, but by the initiative that the young Y/N showed in order to spend more time with him.

She would be lying if she said that after some time she hadn’t fallen in love with those eyes that seemed to hold all the love in the world, that tender and adorable giggle that rang in his throat when he was nervous or how he seemed to treat her as if she were the most precious thing in the universe.

His heart, his lovely personality, his empathy and how extremely intelligent he was also helped to shape those feelings that often reduced her sleep hours and kept the girl away from reality and in a constant daydream.

Oh, c'est l'amour.

But no matter how hard she tried, how many hints she dropped or how much effort she put into it; her feelings for Aziraphale didn’t seem to be reciprocated.

And that was good! She was satisfied, —or so she wanted to think—, with the shelter of his friendship with the angel.

That was enough.

But the war came to London, and one is unable to appreciate and understand the treasure that is the calm of a simple life until something like this explodes in front of you and plunges you into the flames of despair.

Chaos, destruction and crying soon seized the streets of the largest city in England.

The families were divided, the great national treasures were lost among the most atrocious fires, innocents died, and among the ashes, one couldn’t even find consolation in mourning those who lost, because in reality, there were no bodies left to mourn.

Events like this didn’t harm or disturb in the least celestial beings free of all guilt and exempt to die, anyone could think, but from the corner of one of the most lost streets in the whole city, where a small and cozy library used to be, an angel began to cry.

Aziraphale found rubble where walls and shelves once stood up to join the roof and collect all the knowledge that such a place could hold; ashes where thousands of books used to rest, waiting for someone to read again what they had to teach; a huge void in the counter from where, he then knew, the love of his life used to smile at the sight of him arriving.

A sharp thud on the ground, —a huge leather bag full of books of ancient prophecies— signaled the exact second when Aziraphale, in shock, began to walk and enter the chaos he once considered a home.

His lips trembled as did his hands and practically the rest of his body.

No, he didn’t even want to think that...

''Y/N?'' He asked in just a broken whisper, unable to raise his voice, unable to verify whether or not she had been a victim of that disaster.

Please, God, do not let her be a victim of this disaster, he thought.

'’Y/N? '' He tried again, this time louder, so the pain in his voice was so obvious that anyone who could get to hear him would know, in effect, that the soft angel was crying.

The bomb couldn’t have fallen more than a couple of hours ago. He knew it because he was there, with her, begging her to hide and search for refuge before what he thought would be a furtive meeting to hunt the enemy.

Please, God, I hope that she has listened to me, he prayed again.

But soon he would find out that God didn’t have mercy for anything and anyone. That no matter how much Aziraphale prayed, he had no greater power over the grand plan.

Because it was ineffable, right? Everything had to happen for a reason in order to achieve a specific goal.

But why, of all the millions of people that existed on the planet, of all those who perhaps deserved it, his blue eyes, sad, crystalline with tears, had to rest on the unconscious body of the woman he loved?

''No, no, no, please, no.'' He muttered in a choked way and so quickly that he couldn’t even understand himself, rushing to reach the body and hold it in his arms while his corduroy pants were destroyed by the ashes on the ground.

''Y/N...'' he begged, caressing her face, brushing the strands of hair that had clung to her sweet features from the sweat of her skin

She was breathing, but not for too long.

Her heart was beating, but his heartbeat was numbered and the clock was only moving forward in time.

''It's okay.'' she suddenly murmured, her voice no more than a barely audible whisper between her forced breathing and the silent crying of the blond angel.

She couldn’t open her eyes, her body didn’t have the strength to do it, but she could recognize that warmth anywhere; after all, she was in love with him, right?

''It's okay.'' she repeated, knowing that from her first two words, Aziraphale's eyes had been fixed on her face and that he was probably afraid to blink and that when he opened them again, she would no longer be with him.

‘’I’m sorr—’’

‘’I love you, Aziraphale.’’

His breath stopped, he was frozen in place, unable to look away from the lips that, after her confession, had drawn a tired smile.

She should tell him, right? She couldn’t leave without telling him at least once.

''I'm sorry I took so long to tell you.''

Prey of his own panic and everything that perhaps he wanted to say choked at the beginning of his throat, the only way out that Aziraphale found to give free rein to the feelings that for years he repressed in his little Pandora's box was to kiss that smile that so many times it had stolen his breath.

And he did.

Then a blink.

He, again, had allowed himself to be carried back to that memory of more than 70 years ago.

His hands caressed, distracted, the green cover of an old book that Crowley had never seen before and that he, at that moment, peeked curiously from the shoulder of the angel, wanting to ask for it but knowing, inside his chest and for some unknown reason, that he shouldn’t.

If he had, Aziraphale would have replied that it was simply a gift from an old friend.

Actually, it was the first gift he received throughout his long life.

''Do not tell anyone, but I stole this book from some archives of the Senate House Library when I was a child and I have always kept it as a treasure.

It has not prophecies, or stories of religious interest, but I think the love story it contains could make you smile on a dark and rainy April afternoon.

With all my love for my guardian angel,

Y/N.''

[absolxguardian]

T H E   F E A R S

I mean what I said. These things, these forces, they are our fear. Deep fears. Primordial. Always looking for ways to grow and spread.

I always think it helps to imagine them like colours. The edges bleed together, and you can talk about little differences: “oh, that’s indigo, that’s more lilac”, but they’re both purple. I mean, I guess there are technically infinite colours, but you group them together into a few big ones. A lot of it’s kind of arbitrary. I mean, why are navy blue and sky blue both called blue, when pink’s an entirely different colour from red? Y’know? I don’t know, that’s just how it works.

And like colours, some of these powers, they feed into or balance each other. Some really clash, and you just can’t put them together. I mean, you could see them all as just one thing, I guess, but it would be pretty much meaningless, y’know, like… like trying to describe a… shirt by talking about the concept of colour.

Of course, with these things it’s not a simple spectrum, y’know, it’s more like -

An infinite amorphous blob of terror bleeding out in every direction at once.

Sometimes you impulse buy a kid’s rock painting set from Micheal's of all places and end up using it to make sigils for all of the Fears.

Close ups under the cut (also poetic descriptions drawing from my headcanons about the Fears).

The End. Death. Terminus.

The oldest of all the fears. All other Fears are simply layers separating the fear from it’s source- the fear of death. It was created because of fear, and fear was created because of it. It is the end, the stopping of it all, the force we fight against every day with every breath.

Primary Avatars: The Reapers/Death, The Sybil (Oliver Banks), and The Speaker (”Jane Doe”)

Ritual: It has no need of one, all threads must be cut one day.

Allies: They are all its children.

The Hunt.

The End’s firstborn. It was born in the time before sapience, when fear was simpler. But that was still enough. It is a fear for animals, of being hunted down and killed, of being prey. 

Primary Avatars: The Hunters and predators [mundane].

Ritual: The Everchase

Allies: The Flesh, The Slaughter, The Desolation, and The Eye.

Enemies: The Vast and The Buried.

The Vast. The Falling Titian.

The child of The End and the twin of The Buried. It began as an animal’s fear, of the fall that shatters your bones of the sea you cannot cross for it is not yours. But with sapience, it evolved. It is falling, heights, lighting, and the Not Yours that surrounds Yours. But also a human’s own insignificance and the true emptiness of the world. It is too much space.

Primary Avatars: The Fairchild family and The Lightning’s (Michael Crew).

Ritual: The Awful Deep

Allies: The Lonely, The Flesh, The Eye, and The Dark.

Enemies: The Buried.

The Buried. The Center. Choke. Too Close I Cannot Breathe

The child of The End and the twin of The Vast. It did not evolve as much as its despised sibling. It is suffocation, and the dirt that fills lungs. But with humans, it became more complex, more existential, as it always does. Those brains can find more in caves than suffocation or the dark. While even an animal fears a small space in case they get trapped and fall to a hunter, only humans could create constructs to bind and crush each other with. It is when there is too little space.

Primary Avatars: The Pit and The Gravedigger (Hezekiah Wakely)

Ritual: The Sunken Sky.

Allies: The Lonely, The Dark and the Web.

Enemies: The Vast, The Flesh, The Eye, and The Slaughter.

The Dark. Mister Pitch. The Forever Blind.

A direct child of The End. The fear of the dark- for it is scary because we cannot know. We cannot see the threats that may hid in its embrace. With the life-giver being a star, it has come to oppose all life and heat. It wishes for blind eyes.

Primary Avatars: The Church of the Divine Host, The Rayner, and the Black Star.

Ritual: The Extinguished Sun.

Allies: The Vast, The Buried, The Stranger, The Spiral, and The Dark.

Enemies: The Eye.

The Desolation. The Lightless Flame. The Devastation. Blackened Earth.

The End’s child. While it sure does love the destruction aspects of fire, it is not just fear of burning. It is the fear of pain and the fear of loss- of power, possessions, or loved ones. It lacks the motivation of The Hunt or the Flesh and destroys more than just lives, unlike The Slaughter.

Primary Avatars: The Church of the Lightless Flame, The Flame’s Messiah (Agnes Montague), and natural disasters [mundane]

Ritual: The Scoured Earth.

Allies: The Slaughter, The Hunt, and the Buried.

Enemies: The Flesh and The Corruption.

The Lonely. Forsaken. The One Alone.

The End’s youngest solo child and a fear for humans alone. It is the complex webs of society on top of a simple fact- you need the pack to survive. Not to mention that the simple physical brains of humans abhor isolation as well. Isolation, both emotional and physical, strip away one’s mental and physical wellbeing and often driving them to drugs. And simple physical isolation will strip away one’s connection to reality itself, so The Lonely feasts on that unraveling mind just aware enough to fear the fall.

Primary Avatars: The Luckas family.

Ritual: The Forsaken.

Allies: The Buried, The Vast, and The Spiral.

The Flesh. The Meat.

The child of The Hunt and its successor. It is a fear for animals, but those that never know freedom or a game to try to escape. Their path is set, they are the animals raised and slaughtered by humans for meat, with no risk to themselves. They are to be eaten their flesh in a form unconnected to their own appearance, consumed by those who know not how to prepare them. While humans are not raised like that, their separation from The Hunt makes them quiver at the idea of being consumed in any form. With all their knowledge in this era, humans are coming to understand that they may be no different than animals- just organic molecules animated by electricity. The Flesh also feasts on that philosophizing. 

Primary Avatars: The Eurachist [mundane] and slaughterhouse workers [mundane].

Ritual: The Last Feast.

Allies: The Hunt, The Corruption, The Desolation, The Stranger, and The Spiral.

Enemies: The Slaughter and The Buried.

The Slaughter. Violence. War

The child of The Desolation and The Hunter. It the anticipation of uncertain violence. It is violence that isn’t committed for the direct benefit of the murder and/or specifically because of the victim. It is found in both frenzied killers and in the steely, impersonal murder of armies. It rules over all the fear that comes from war, and eats heartily from all the conflicts humans keep creating all by themselves.

Primary Avatars: War Ghosts, The Piper/War, and soldiers [mundane].

Ritual: The Risen War.

Allies: The Desolation, The Hunter, and The Web.

Enemies: The Flesh and the Buried.

The Eye. The Beholding. Ceaseless Watching.

The Hunter’s least favorite child. An animal fears being watched because it means a predator may be observing, but humans have taken that fear as an end onto itself. It is watching, recording, and servailing. It feasts on the scraps of other Fears, reliving the trauma of their victims.

Primary Avatars: The Archive (The Magnus Institute), The Archivist (Jonathan Sims), and The Heart (Elias Bouchard)

Ritual: The Watcher’s Crown

Allies: The Web and The Hunt.

Enemies: The Dark, The Stranger, and The Spiral.

The Stranger. I Do Not Know You.

The child of The Dark, sapience extending the unknown to the other. It is the fear of what is not quite human. But the fear of the humans that are not quite you? Humans spend so much time creating reasons and convincing others to fear eachother. So much mundane fear of the other exists that The Stranger could survive on that alone.

Primary Avatars: The NotThem/dopplegangers, The Circus of the Other, The Deliverers, and bigots [mundane].

Ritual: The Unknowing.

Allies: The Dark and The Spiral.

Enemies: The Eye.

The Spiral. The Twisting Deceit, Esmentiaras, It Is Not What It Is.  

The Dark’s other child, for one cannot know if one cannot trust their senses. It is the fear of madness, of unreality. It induces this fear by warping reality, leading its victims to believe they are the ones at fault.

Primary Avatars: The Distortion (once Micheal, now Helen Richardson) and The Worker in Clay (”Gabriel”).

Ritual: Our Great Twisting.

Allies: The Dark, The Stranger, The Web and The Flesh.

Enemies: The Eye.

The Corruption. Filth. Crawling Rot.

The child of The Flesh (but born before The Flesh) and The End. It is a collection of things that are unrelated in reality (bugs, rotten food, poison, mold, decay, and disease), but are associated in the mind of humans lacking knowledge- death without a clear cause and corpses. 

Primary Avatars: The Hive (Jane Prentiss) and Pestilence (John Amherst).

Ritual: Unknown.

Allies: The Flesh and The Web.

Enemies: The Desolation.

The Web. The Spider. Mother of Puppets.

The child of The Corruption and The Buried. It is the fear of being restrained, but in a more metaphorical sense than The Buried. It is the fear of manipulation, being controlled, and that your will is not your own. And, from its other parent, spiders.

Primary Avatars: The Binding Table, The Spider Horde, and The Patriarch (Raymond Fielding).

Ritual: This world is almost identical to the Web’s, so why bother?

Allies: The Corruption, The Spiral, The Eye, and The Slaughter, The Lonely, The Buried, and The Dark.

Enemies: The Flesh and The Lonely (their relationship is complicated).

The Extinction. The Terrible Change. The Future-Without-Us.

The child of The Stranger and The End, this Fear is still emerging. It developing as humans confront their old hubris about the end times. It is the end of the world, but with no holy rapture. It is an end that isn’t the end of all life, just the end of them. It is the fear of being replaced by another species. It is the fear of how they will ruin themselves. It is the collapse or radical change of society. It is taking all forms of change from the dominions of the other Fears and bringing it into its own. 

Primary Avatars: The emergence of true AI [mundane], climate change [mundane], and nuclear weapons [mundane].

Ritual: Many theorize that it seeks to end the world as it is known and replace humans with another sapient species to begin the cycle again.

Allies: The Stranger and The Desolation.

Enemies: Many avatars seek to disrupt its emergence as it would shatter the balance between the powers. They also fear the possibility that The Extinction wouldn’t repopulate the world with a new sapience species right away, setting them back eons.

[asongaboutpirates]

We can try (Quentin/Eliot ficlet)

Fandom: The Magicians  Genre: Hurt/Comfort, little bit of angst, little bit of fluff Rating: PG Words: 1479 Author: tupti (deusexmishina) A/N: This was very spontaneous, so not beta’ed (Like, at all. Sorry.)

Someone had the theory that Quentin needs to get inside Eliot’s head to save him and I ran with that. What happens when Q sees the memory that opened Eliot’s door?

Eliot could feel a presence in his mind. Somebody was here. Penny again? He willed a door into existence. After all this time trapped inside his own mind, he had learned how to control the world around him efficiently.

The door swung open. The person who stepped through wasn‘t Penny.

Eliot froze while his brain tried to comprehend what his eyes saw.

Q.

“Eliot?” Q seemed just as incapable of processing the situation.

“You’re not … Memory-Q”, Eliot more asked than stated.

Q look confused. “No… At least I don’t think.”

Q. Eliot felt tears rise in him. He took a step forward to pull Quentin in close. They held on to each other as tightly as they could, Quentin buried his face in Eliot’s neck. But just a moment later he pulled free, his hands still lingering on Eliot’s arms.

“We don’t have time for that”, he mumbled. “Not now. Listen. Alice has found a way to separate you from the monster.”

Eliot swallowed hard. Could that be it? Finally?

“How?”

“You need to go through your door again.” Quentin spoke quickly. The monster could notice his presence any time now. “You know, the one hidden in your worst memory. You need to go through, and when you are in possession of your body, Alice will cast a spell from the outside, I will cast it from the inside, and we’ll … well, we’ll split you in two.”

“Oh, good.”

Eliot turned away from Quentin. His mind was racing.

“Look, I know how that sounds”, Quentin whispered. “But if everything goes well, the monster will be trapped in the mirror world inside a version of your body and you will have yours to yourself again.”

“Yay!” Eliot sat down on the stairs. “Except, small problem: The memory we need visit to get to my door … There are monsters now. A lot of them.”

Quentin bit his lower lip. “There must be a way to deal with them.”

“There is. But it’s still dangerous. You could get hurt, Q.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Well, it does to me!”

“Look.” Quentin took a seat next to Eliot, as close to him as he could. “I need you to come back to me, okay? Please.”

Eliot leaned his head against Quentin’s. “Oh, Q … I missed you. You and your enthusiasm.”

“Then let us be together again in the real world. Let me fight for you.” Eliot knew this look on Quentin’s face, knew that when he was this determined, no force between heaven and earth could stop him.

He nodded, albeit reluctantly. “Okay, fine. Let’s do this.” He stood up, stretched out his hand for Quentin to grab it and tightly held on to him.

“This way, please”, he said while he pulled Quentin along. “Right through daddy issues and then a sharp left turn past traumatic childhood experience number 2.”

With all the practice he had Eliot could summon his memory squad on the fly. Memory Quentin, Margo and Fen suddenly walked next to them.

“What the fuck?” Real Quentin almost fell over his own feet as they appeared out of nowhere. Eliot kept pulling him along.

“They are memories. They protect me, while I snoop around in my … his … our mind.” He turned to them. “Listen, guys, I need you to draw the monsters away from the memory. You know the one. With the door.” All three of them nodded sternly and were gone in a flash.

“They won’t take long”, Eliot explained. “They have done it a hundred times by now. Hurry!”

When they stood outside the Fillorian court room, Eliot hesitated. He didn’t want to live through that again. More importantly, he didn’t want Q to see. He let go of his hand.

“I’ll go through. You wait here.”

Quentin looked confused. “Is that the door? What’s the memory?”

“Well, the memory is inside that door and so is the door, but …”

“I need to go in with you. I need to see you go through that door. Alice and I need to be in sync.”

Eliot squirmed uncomfortably. “Q …”

But Quentin put on his don’t-you-dare-fuck-with-me-face. “Do you want to be rescued or not?”

Eliot closed his eyes and surrendered. He opened the door and stepped through, followed by Quentin. There they both sat on the steps, just returned from Fillory, from the past, from a whole life lived together.

Eliot could see real Quentin’s face drop. “It’s not what you think!”, he explained, but Q didn’t listen. He pointed at the back of the room. “Go through the door. Hurry.”

“Q …”

They heard noise coming from the outside, cries, steel clashing on steel.

“Now!”

“Fuck.” Eliot sprinted through the room, up the stairs, opened the door. When he turned around, Quentin stood in fighting stance, his hands at the ready. He turned and went through.

When Eliot came to, he needed a moment to make out his surroundings. Was that the Brakebills lab? What the hell?

“Eliot?”

Was that Margo?

“Did it work? Please tell me it worked!”

Eliot tried to sit up. His head hurt. “Bambi?”, he breathed.

“Eliot!”

Margo dropped down on the floor next to him, cradled him in her arms, hugged him close. “You’re back. Oh god. I thought, I’d lost you forever. You’re back!”

Alice came into Eliot’s view. She looked relieved, but also a bit sad, he thought. “It worked”, she sighed. “We really did it.”

They helped Eliot up. His vision became clearer, even though his head still ached. There was a large mirror in front of him. In it, he could see himself, except it wasn’t himself. It was an angry, screaming version of himself with flaming eyes. The creature that wasn’t him clawed at the mirror from the inside.

“It can’t hurt you”, Alice reassured him. “It’s trapped in there. Nothing ever gets out of the mirror dimension. You’re free.”

Eliot’s eyes already scanned the room. “Where’s Q?”

“He’s in his room in the cottage”, Margo explained. “We didn’t think it would be a good idea to have his unconscious body here in case something would have gone wrong and the monster would have been … angry.”

“No, yeah, good call.”

Julia and Penny were sitting next to Quentin, who still seemed somewhat dazed from his trip to someone else’s mind. When Eliot entered the room, all three of them stared at him like deer caught in the headlights.

“Don’t worry, guys, it’s me.”

Julia broke out in a relieved smile and Penny pumped his fist in the air. Quentin remained silent.

“Can I talk to Q for a second, please?”

Julia and Penny got up. On their way out, Julia hugged Eliot. “Good to have you back.” Penny just gave him a slap on the shoulder, but it was heartfelt.

After they had closed the door behind them, Eliot went over to the bed and sat down next to Quentin, keeping a slight distance between them.

“Look, Q …”

Immediately, Quentin put his hands up defensively. “You don’t have to apologise. Your most traumatic memory is the moment when I wanted us to be together. It’s okay. I understand when I’m not wanted.”

Eliot felt like crying. “Q, how could you think that?”

“I saw it.” He wasn’t angry, Eliot realised, he was just so, so sad. That made it a million times worse.

“That is not why it’s my most traumatic memory”, he insisted. “It’s traumatic because I turned you down.”

Quentin blinked, confused. “What?”

Eliot resisted the urge to get up and run away. He badly wanted to shove it all down and pretend it never happened. But he looked at Q and realised that he had gotten a second chance and if he let that slide, there wouldn’t be a next one. So he coughed and tried to convince his mouth to speak. “The thing is … Every relationship I had so far ended in a disaster. In the end, all … participants were hurt. Or dead.” He swallowed. “I was afraid that would happen to us. And if I ever hurt you, Q, I would never be able to forgive myself. And honestly, I don’t think I could handle it if you …” He choked.

Quentin gently took his hand. “We had fifty years together. Fifty beautiful, wonderful years. Why do you think that would happen to us?”

Eliot cleared his throat laboriously. “This isn’t Fillory, Q. You have a choice here.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t choose you?” Eliot’s eyes filled with tears. “I can’t promise I will never hurt you”, Quentin admitted. “No one who enters a relationship can. But we can try.”

Eliot sniffed and nodded. “Yeah, I can do that”, he whispered.

Quentin smiled. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Eliot’s mouth.

“That’s good enough for me.”

[ficsrus]

fic recs: bts

this one’s a bit lengthy folks. have fun reading. make sure to give kudos and comments and lots of love to the authors!

namjin—

*prudence in the face of adversity: rated E, 7k

“But we’re not a girl group, hyung, there’s like…” Namjoon waves his hands in the air as he explains, “identity issues and gender issues and how are we supposed to dance with b—our bodies in this condition,” he finishes weakly. “And we can’t do publicity like this, or rehearse, and I don’t want to call the president and Seokjin-hyung is bleeding and I don’t know how to pick these things out from the store so could Hobi and I please just take a bit of money to the store to get things for Jin-hyung because he’s crying…”

[In which the entirety of Bangtan wakes up as women, and Namjoon is confused and put-upon.]

ch4otick gayz: rated T, 17k [includes vhopemin & yoonkook]

[EM0 CRAKHED]

jeon can't kook: jfc,,

jeon can't kook: sorry guys i took care of it,

jeon can't kook: i gave him like 3 tablets of Benadryl he's out

hobi-wan kenobi: kook, you're supposed to only take 1

jeon can't kook: ......

jeon can't kook: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess he'll die.

yoonmin—

hands down: rated T, 43k

Hoseok wouldn’t stop talking about him. It was Jimin this, Jimin that, Jimin was so cute, Jimin was so talented, Jimin danced so well and he was so nice- Yoongi had to control the impulse to roll his eyes the minute his name came out of Hoseok’s mouth.

So, yeah, maybe Yoongi was already predisposed towards disliking Park Jimin for some very valid reasons but this? This took the fucking cake.

the songbird and the sea: rated M, 256k [minor taekook and namjin]

In a world where dominance of the sea is an endless battle between pirates and mariners, Park Jimin is content living in his little village on a small, uninteresting island by the eastern mainland. He wants nothing to do with the bloodshed of good and evil, the heartless killing of both innocents and condemned, the constant establishment and disruption of order. What he wants is peace, to live his life in the same town he was born in, to spend his days in the beautiful forest, and to use the powers of his Blessed Rune to nurture the home he loves so dearly.

But when his island is attacked by pirates, Jimin will have no other choice than to do as they command and leave all thoughts of peace behind in favor of boarding the Agust, a pirate ship captained by the infamous Min Yoongi, Black Fox of the East.

*flashflood: rated E, 15k

A handjob a week is not much for Jimin to live off of.

Jimin thinks it’s sort of like the equivalent of feeding someone nothing but peas for all three meals of the day: sure, peas are all well and good, but eating peas and only peas for any extended period of time is going to result in some serious vitamin deficiencies. And probably some other bad stuff, although Jimin doesn’t actually know all that much about it.

composure: rated E, 131k

Everyone has secrets.

Everything in Jimin's life changed the day he presented as an Omega. It's as though the world were grabbed out from under him, launching him into a special hell not meant for someone with as much fire and potential as him.

This is why when Jimin is given the opportunity to stop being an Omega, he takes it.

What Jimin hadn't anticipated, is meeting his roommate, Yoongi, or realizing his entire cover will be blown if he can't stop going so crazy over that cinnamon and mint scent he has.

Too bad that is the least of his worries...

*(This is a story containing serious and dark themes with disturbing elements which become more prevelant as the story progresses.)

jikook—

*On Patrol: rated M, 130k [includes yoonseok & namjin; read the sequel here]

Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable.

Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can't seem to keep out of his life.

Captain Kim finds comfort in his son's homeroom teacher.

Well, cops need some loving too, right?

under the mistletoe (with you): rated G, 5k

Jimin and Jungkook try to get Yoongi and Hoseok together during the holidays but it doesn't really go as planned.

The White Wolf’s Shadow: rated T, 41k [includes yoonseok, namjin, & taekook]

Jeongguk, a powerful Alpha in line for his father’s throne, needs a mate to wear the crown. When Jimin, an alluring Omega and foreign Prince, comes to re-cement their alliance everything seems to fall into place… against their wishes. Jeongguk, forced to decide what's more important, his own happiness or his people; and Jimin whose carrying deadly secrets that place the fate of everyone on his shoulders, are forced to come together. With enemies on all sides will they be able to overcome their struggles and do what has to be done?

Or

Jeongguk and Jimin’s wolves have liked each other from the start, but when they are forced into an arranged marriage both parties are unhappy about it for various reasons. Neither wants to admit it, but both find themselves falling for the other as time goes on.

yoonjin—

heists and hearts: rated T, 95k [minor jihope and vmon]

"Give me a number,” Yoongi says when Namjoon finally turns around in his computer chair. Namjoon looks at him and sighs.

"One."

It's not the first time he's stumped with one plan. Namjoon looks at Yoongi, eyes trained on him like a hawk. “One?” Yoongi asks, voice low. “One,” Namjoon repeats, “and you’re not going to like it.”

There’s a hint of curiosity in Yoongi’s eyes and a question attempts to come out from his lips. But instead, Namjoon hears the order from his partner.

“Call them in.”

a little water clears us of this deed: rated T, 4k

All Yoongi wanted was to read Macbeth and pass his Literature class in peace, not catch the attention of Kim Seokjin.

*best served cold: rated E, 16k

[They say when you / embark on a journey / of revenge, dig two graves. They underestimate me. (mr state trooper. please don’t stop me. please don’t stop me.)]

After Yoongi's parents get killed by the mob, Yoongi sets out to avenge them. No matter what it takes.

he’ll come back for the honey and you: rated E, 18k

“Cooking is attractive. Like playing guitar, it demonstrates your prowess with your hands, your sophisticated knowledge of an art form... But it goes deeper than that. Cooking is a shared experience, a way to express yourself to someone you care about.”

Or: Seokjin is no stranger to a little sugar. However, Yoongi is the sweetest thing he’s come across in a long time, and there's no recipe telling him exactly what he should do next.

a ballad for you: rated T, 3k

tumblr prompt from anon: "Hi, do you take requests that aren't smut? I'd like to see YoonJin where Jin mistakes Yoongi for his blind date."

[At this point, Seokjin only has one thing to say about his date; he needs to show the hell up.]

everything i need: rated M, 12k

“Sorry I’m late, babe. Traffic was awful,” the man is saying. He flashes a bright, gummy smile at Seokjin and nods apologetically at the waitress. “I’m sorry. Can we have five more minutes to look at the menu?”

He waits until she is gone before he leans across the table and says in a low voice. “I’m Yoongi. Just play along okay? Whoever didn’t bother to show up is a dick.”

Or, the one where Seokjin is a single dad. His son is in love with the music their first floor neighbour plays on the piano, and the last thing Seokjin expects is to fall for the man behind the music.

déjà-brew : rated T, 7k

according to his employees, seokjin has a crush on the cute guy that comes around and orders an americano every single day. what they don’t know, and what seokjin hasn’t told them yet, is that they’re actually married. (he has his reasons, okay?)

yoonseok—

same damn hunger: rated E, 40k

When it comes to fucking around with his best friend, Yoongi follows two rules:

1. They must be inebriated.

2. They must not kiss.

the daily grind: rated E, 8k

hoesock87: I refuse to believe that u didn’t just google “cute asian twink” to get that selfie

yoongay: i am a cute asian twink. r u tryna fuck me or no

(or: yoonseok meet on grindr)

and one musn’t tell lies: rated M, 46k

Yoongi wants to fly so bad he's ready to break the rules for that. Jung Hoseok is the worst collateral damage possible. (Stop lying).

*days to weeks to months: rated M, 10k

Yoongi’s just trying to date the possible love of his life, Jung Hoseok. But the package deal includes five asshole friends and a theoretically infinite number of disasters.

Basically: a series of moments where Yoongi wonders why his friends and also god hate him.

see, i’ve got plans (to get to you): rated T, 11k

Yoongi and Hoseok have a game plan.

(Or: The one where Yoongi takes three tries to propose to Hoseok.)

single pringle: rated T, 7k [includes jikook and namjin]

Where Yoongi owns a restaurant that is a date hot-spot and he is single and salty at all the couples streaming into his restaurant on a daily basis. Not only that, but somewhere along the way he's gotten himself a couple of gay regulars who won't go away. And maybe someone who makes him a little less salty at the end too.

**halcyon: rated M, 27k [includes minjoon]

The only explanation for how two demons have found themselves on Earth is a simple one: Jung Hoseok loves to gamble and Min Yoongi can't resist a good game.

junghope—

blue flame special: rated E, 106k [minor vmin]

hoseok just got dumped and now a clearly under aged bartender is refusing to serve him a much needed round of shots.

("can you do this teenage angst thing some other time? my ex just walked in with his new boyfriend and i could really use some liquid cowardice."

the kid narrows his eyes in the direction hoseok had nodded toward. "seokjin hyung's your ex?")

hoseok nods. "you know him?"

"yeah," jeongguk glares at hoseok and begins stepping away, definitely refusing to serve him any drink at all. "he dumped me for you.")

yoonjihope [?? essentially yoongi/hoseok/jimin]—

**good things always belonged to everyone: rated E, 9k

Yoongi is trying to accept his part as the beta in a polyamorous relationship with an alpha and an omega. Little by little he notices just how unfitting that role is.

yoonkook—

soft melodies and softer touches: rated E, 11k

[22:39; I see the way you look at me, hyung.]

Yoongi's world stands still, and in that moment, he wants nothing more than to wring Jimin's neck. It's Jeongguk, it has to be Jeongguk, who else would it be? Yoongi knows many dancers--unfortunately Jimin's one of them--but there's only one that he's on close terms with, and whose number he doesn't have.

Jeongguk. It's Jeongguk. It's fucking Jeongguk.

(OR: Jeongguk's a contemporary dancer, and Yoongi is his academy's pianist).

take me out (the date way or the assassination way): rated T, 7k

jin [8:01] theres a mysterious hot guy on campus that yoongi keeps running into like a damn romantic drama but every time they meet he ends up nearly killing yoongi

tae [8:01] kinky

with a bang (stunted plants can bloom): rated M, 24k

what not to do when you find yourself falling for the guy you almost slept with but then didn’t because he turned out to be your friends’ roommate: a guide by min yoongi

flower boys: not rated, 3k

“it was pretty,” namjoon protests, trying to defend himself. “and it was a gift from a fan. wouldn’t she have been troubled to have to take it home?”

“and you brought it back to let it die?” yoongi interjects, dry as sand. he rises to his feet, dusting off his jeans. “you gonna take care of it, namjoonie?”

“how hard can it be,” namjoon says, but he sounds hesitant, like he knows his own annihilatory powers will trump his determination. “it’s a small plant. it needs water, sunlight, and air. we can provide all of those. piece of cake.”

(yoongi and jungkook take care of a plant together.)

i know i’ll fall in love with you, baby: rated T, 31k

The soulmate/soulbond au where Yoongi is part of a famous rap duo and Jungkook is his diligent fanboy, they meet at a fansign and things escalate from there

(alt. Yoongi didn’t sign up for this)

i blow up buildings (but i’d blow you): rated T, 8k

“Yoongi,” says Namjoon, his tone allowing no argument. He holds the boy an arms length in front of him and smiles painfully. “Meet Jeongguk. He’s your new bodyguard.”

Yoongi sputters and decides to argue anyway, because fuck no. “I said I don’t need a bodyguard, Namjoon.”

(Or, the AU where Yoongi has been receiving death threats from an enemy organisation known as Skeletal, and Jeon Jeongguk is the lucky bastard brought in to be his bodyguard. Yoongi tries to hate him. He really does.)

all the light we cannot see: rated T, 64k

“i’m not your servant!”

“you are on my ship now, and anyone on my ship does what i say,” snaps yoongi, and when he takes a step closer to jeongguk, jeongguk realizes that he’s actually taller than yoongi. strangely, he hadn’t noticed it before, because yoongi doesn’t seem like a small man. especially now, with that fiery look on his face, he seems larger than life—but jeongguk refuses to back down. it’s a bad idea to argue, he knows, but jeongguk has never been very good at stopping himself from doing something he’ll regret.

(or: when jeongguk finally gets his chance to sail the cosmos, it’s onboard the ship of an aggravating man named min yoongi. he thinks it’ll be extraordinarily dull—but the universe, and the legend of treasure planet, have other plans.)

gusto d’italia: rated E, 64k

Jungkook turned towards the kitchen - and walked straight into the icy glare of Min Yoongi.

“Are you always this late?”

Jungkook tried to bite his tongue. “I was talking to – ”

“I don’t care who you were talking to,” Yoongi snapped. He had both arms crossed firmly over his chest as he continued to berate Jungkook in front of the rest of the staff. “How am I supposed to trust you to get my food out on time if you can’t follow a simple direction that I gave less than five minutes ago?”

Jungkook stared at his feet. “It won’t happen again, chef.”

“Better fucking not.”

-----

[Jungkook always dreamed of becoming a chef in the future. When Yoongi, a culinary genius with unusual social skills, shows up in the kitchen of Gusto d'Italia, Jungkook becomes awestruck.]

taegi—

the less i know the better: rated E, 41k

Yoongi shifts uncomfortably in his seat, avoiding making eye contact.

"I might’ve… invented a boyfriend," he finally mumbles to the glass in front of him

i want to believe: rated G, k

Taehyung starts an astronomy club.

my heart flutters from the sugar high: rated M, 6k

Yoongi and Taehyung sneak around together, cheating on their diets. The group? They've drawn different conclusions.

over the winter lake: rated E, 9k

There’s a small alcove along the outskirts of Daegu, not too deep in the woods, that lead to a lake of still waters and peaceful surroundings. Yoongi isn’t entirely fond of it—the body of water itself being named Death Lake by locals who’ve lived there long enough to tell the tales of the disturbing amount of murders, suicides, and disappearances that are linked with it.

Yoongi sees something in the water. Something inhuman.

abracadon’t: rated M, 7k

"i don't understand why you hate taehyung," hoseok always asks.

yoongi doesn't really understand either. but he's just so...hate-able.

or, taehyung never learned that annoying the fuck out of someone isn't actually a healthy way to show you like them.

namgi—

you could give it all (but it’s never enough): rated E, 46k

yoongi imprints with an alpha he's an alpha too

again again again: rated T, 8k

Yoongi takes a deep breath. Runs through the facts. 1. Namjoon is really fuckin drunk. 2. They made that dumbass pact well over ten years ago when they were both sad and weird and lonely. 3. His heart definitely did not seize up a little bit at the thought of marrying his best friend. It just didn’t.

vmin—

it’s not about reciprocation (it’s just all about me): rated E, 34k

“Taehyung and Jimin broke up.”

“It’s bullshit—”

“We were all rooting for them.”

“It’s complete bullshit—”

“Everyone actually thought they had a chance, you know?”

(Alternatively: Taehyung’s a problematic idiot who fell in love with the right person at the wrong time.)

jinkook—

*knowingly, i drank from the poisoned chalice: rated m, 22k

In captivity, Seokjin learns that you cannot have both love and life without sacrificing something important.

namgikook (namjoon/yoongi/jungkook)—

*the kinky encounter at the auto-erotic asphyxiation house: rated E, 6k

"The last owner of this house died too.”

“How?”

Jeongguk looks over his shoulder at them, his front teeth poking into his bottom lip as his nose scrunches and the corners of his eyes crinkle in a delighted grin. “Auto-erotic asphyxiation! Honestly, what a way to fucking go. Do you think he came before he died?”

“Christ, Jeongguk.”

Namjoon drops his head into his hands, letting out a long-suffering sigh as Jeongguk elbows him playfully.

“It’s a valid question!” Jeongguk snickers as both Namjoon and Yoongi give him a painfully withered look. “We can only hope his last moment was a pleasurable one.”

taekook—

**fading brilliance, fire on silk: rated E, 26k

Jungkook spent his life studying angels and demons, but none of his imaginary portrayals of them can even come close to Taehyung’s mystical, almost poetic beauty: sun-kissed skin and full lips, lashes so long that Jungkook feels the brush of it on his skin when Taehyung leans in to dip his tongue in the hollow of his throat.

Jungkook wonders if he’s already too far gone. The guilt doesn’t eat him up anymore, the shame only serving to heighten his arousal instead of extinguish it. Jungkook has no hope of salvation now, and he doesn’t even care, not when damnation tastes this fucking good.

[sideofwritingsandramblings]

A little salt, A lot of Sheith Meta

Alright... So there’s just a lot of things that have been on my mind since the big reveal. (Updated with even more meta!)

Beware there are some s7 spoilers under the cut. (And since I wrote this instead of the prompt for sheith month today I’ll use this as my entry instead @sheithmonth​ if it is considered appropriate / next)

So as probably most everyone in this fandom knows by now, Shiro has been confirmed gay with the release of the first episode of season seven. As I explained in a previous post, Shiro being confirmed queer has made me beyond excited, simply on the basis of what incredible representation this is. 

However, once again I have heard a bunch of people (honestly... probably not actual sheith shippers) yelling “Sheith is dead” because of Shiro’s ex-boyfriend. Well, first of all, it is an ex-boyfriend according to the vld staff. And, while I will admit I have not seen the full episode nor will I seek out any more spoilers, I can still say with full confidence that Sheith is not dead. Which, honestly, I think most Sheith shippers would agree.

(Also, side point: a ship cannot even “die” like... the point of shipping is looking at two characters and thinking they would be interesting together regardless of canon.)

Anyways, I’m just going to go ahead and break down exactly why I actually believe Sheith to be closer to canon than ever before.

I usually never have hope for a canonically queer ship, mostly because I’ve learned to not expect it. Voltron, however, has amazingly made me hope again. And I even dare to hope that the canonically queer ship will also be my otp.

However, my bias aside, there is plenty of evidence pointing to canon sheith. Starting with the entirety of season 6.

Like, don’t get me wrong, I was shipping Sheith from seasons 1-5 too. Keith’s very first scene in the show is his rescuing Shiro, followed by tenderly touching his face while saying his first word of the show: “Shiro?” Following this scene we see how Shiro and Keith have the deepest bond of the group and are consistently looking out for each other. In season two we have Shiro trusting Keith to succeed him as leader and the Blade of Mamora trials with the famous “Your friend desperately wants to see you.” Since then we’ve gotten hugs, tender looks, and promises of: I’ll save you “As many times as it takes.”

Despite all of this I still doubted they would become canon, but then season 6 came along. 

First of all this post which is not mine but goes in to all of this a lot, talks about how many of the romantic scenes expected for other ships happened for Sheith instead. Things like: Sheith’s bond being the focus of the season, Keith’s mom picking out Shiro because Keith told her so much about him, backstory, sacrificing themselves for one another, and even an emotional confession of “I love you.” Honestly, if we were looking at any sort of heterosexual ship, they would already be considered a couple by now.

Additionally we have seen some incredible parallels for Sheith as well. Both with Sheith and Keith’s parents and with Zaggar. On one hand we have the very similarly animated rescue scene between Keith’s dad and Krolia vs Keith rescuing Shiro in episode one. On the other hand, we have the very telling jaw-dropped reaction of Shiro with Keith and Zarkon with Honerva.

And now, with the new information from season 7, it adds a whole other layer to Shiro’s reaction. We were joking about his stuttering and complete focus on Keith during that scene was him being a gay disaster. But the truth is he is a confirmed gay disaster. Literally, how else do you explain that scene? Plus, while I know the 2 year jump wasn’t some move by the showrunners to address the “too big of an age gap” claims, I still think it’s an important moment for Shiro. Shiro has never treated Keith like a kid in the series, and they have been shown to be best friends and reliant on each other since the beginning. But I genuinely believe that this moment was when Shiro realized that Keith really has gotten older/more mature/(hotter). “You really have changed,” Shiro said. 

And, if we take the parallels a step further (and while some people may call it a stretch, I personally really enjoy this one). We all know how Lauren and Joaquim also worked on Legend of Korra, another show that pushed for lgbt rep and that ended with canon Korrasami  The ending scene of which had a very visually similar theme repeated in Voltron. A pillar of light between the two queer characters.

But, regardless of all the observed parallels and incredibly heartfelt moments, we now have an interesting problem(?) on our hands: the introduction of Shiro’s ex-boyfriend Adam. I will reiterate that I have not actually seen the new episode in full (and correct me if I’m wrong), but a lot of the episode’s focus is on pre-Kerberos backstory.

Within this backstory we meet Adam, someone Shiro loves and cares for deeply, to the point that they were practically (if not actually?) fiances. However, as Shiro deals with a chronic illness and pursues his dream of piloting in space anyways, Adam leaves Shiro and tells Shiro that he will not wait for him.

Now, from this information alone I immediately believe that Adam is meant to foil Keith. Where Adam (for whatever reasons, good or bad) could not stand by Shiro through everything, Keith has repeatedly proven he will do anything to protect Shiro and stay by his side.

Additionally, from a narrative standpoint, it really wouldn’t make sense to make Shadam endgame. Now it is true that anything is possible in 26 episodes. It could turn out that Shiro will have his reconciliation with Adam on Earth and they will get back together. In the event that this happens, (and if it happens in a way that is healthy and is good for Shiro), I hope everyone will support the relationship regardless of ships. Because that will still be amazing representation!

However, I doubt that would happen. Simply because we have never heard of Adam before. If the vld staff was shooting for this big queer couple for a while, why only mention him in the last 26 episodes? Especially since a majority of the episodes of season 7 (I assume) will be them just trying to get to Earth, leaving very few to flesh out a Shiro/Adam story. From a story-telling standpoint Shiro should have been talking about or mentioning Adam from the start to more easily introduce this couple to the audience. However, Adam only gets brought up when Shiro has to face the reality that he is making it back to Earth and there is a chance he will see Adam again.

[Edit: Plus, just think of how much has changed since Shiro left. He has been imprisoned for a year by the Galra and forced to fight, had his arm replaced with a robotic prosthetic, been experimented on, has become part of a universe-defending team fighting in an intergalactic war, literally died, spent who knows how long as just a consciousness in a giant robot space cat, and then revived and given the memories of a cloned version of himself. He’s been through a lot. And who knows what Shiro’s gone through better than Keith?

Adam, on the other hand, has most likely had no idea what happened. If I assume this correctly, for this entire time Shiro’s been gone, Adam has believed Shiro to not only be dead, but responsible for the Kerberos mission’s failure. I would assume when the mission was called Pilot Error, Adam would have had his fears confirmed: by taking the Kerberos mission despite being ill, Shiro put his life and the crew’s lives in danger. I honestly cannot even imagine how Adam must have reacted when he heard the news. I honestly can’t wait to see how he reacts to Shiro being alive. 

After everything they’ve gone through, will they really be able to rekindle that old flame so easily?]

Additionally, we can argue that season 6 was one of the biggest Sheith seasons of the series. We got that two year age jump with Keith that has Shiro reacting like the disaster gay he is. Plus, Shiro’s reaction to Keith saying “I love you” (while not reacting to the “you’re my brother” line) still sticks with me, along with Keith refusing to let go and accepting to fall to his death with Shiro. We got Keith astral projecting himself by screaming Shiro’s name and then cradling Shiro in his arms in the last five minutes of the season. And to now immediately follow up that season (that was so focused on Shiro and Keith’s bond) with a confirmation that Shiro is gay? I really don’t think that’s a coincidence.

[Edit: Not to mention how I’ve seen multiple posts going around talking about the different dubs. One being the German dub’s ich liebe dich, which is apparently for a stronger/more profound love than ich habe dich lieb. And of course, the Japanese dub’s aishiteru which is also much deeper than the more commonly used daisuki. Like, if you’ve ever watched subbed anime, confession scenes will almost never use aishiteru. Aishiteru is rarely used because it denotes a deeper love akin to saying “I am in love with you from the bottom of my heart.” It is almost exclusively used between romantic partners, and rarely (if ever!) used between family/friends. The choice of aishiteru over suki/daisuki is honestly incredible.]

[Edit: Also, something I wanted to add before but couldn’t find a source at first: I found this article by DenofGeek from this past February very intriguing. It said that quote: 

“Montgomery adds, ‘When we set out to make this show we wanted to make one where no one character was solely defined by being in a relationship.’ She’s quick to clarify that the Avatar and Korra characters were of course incredible and fully formed characters themselves but, ‘when we really looked at what was at stake with this show (Voltron) the relationship or romance aspect of it just didn’t feel as important as the work that they were doing to save their universe.’ Both showrunners don’t rule out the possibility of it happening down the line, but only if it happens naturally within the story. ‘We’re not going to try to just put it in there for the sake of needing romance in the story,’ Montgomery explains.”

The parts I bolded were what stood out to me from this article/interview. The showrunners have never wanted the focus to be just on relationships. The focus has, and always will be, on these characters defending the universe together. However, they will include romance if it happens naturally within the story. I really believe that if we were looking for a naturally developing relationship in the show it would be Sheith, and not between Shiro and some brand new guy (or at least new to the audience). In order to truly convince us Shadam is a good ship, the showrunners would have to focus on it a lot in the remaining two seasons. Why go through that effort when they could instead develop the relationship Keith and Shiro already have in the show?]

Not to mention, despite the introduction of Adam in the episode, the episode’s main focus was still on Shiro and Keith. The new episode has yet another Sheith hug, Keith worrying over Shiro in a pod, and many pre-Kerberos scenes (without Adam) that feature Keith and Shiro’s history. (Oh and I just got spoiled this next screenshot, there is apparently a rainbow above Keith and Shiro in one scene?! Also, it’s yet another example of a sunset as a romantic backdrop between them.) In other words, I really believe that Shiro will ultimately have his reconciliation with Adam, but they won’t get back together. Shiro will probably end up having feelings for Keith instead. 

Although, I can’t know that for sure and anything could happen. But then, I can’t help but go to stuff outside of the show as well. 

The staff have repeatedly shown support for Sheith or at least the bond between them. We have the famous “Shiro Loves you Baby #he’s looking at Keith” from Chris Palmer:

Art supervising director Kihyun Ryu drew this miracle:

And Eugene Lee’s recent Keith he drew on Chris Palmer’s Shiro’s chest like some kind of romance novel:

[Edit: And I almost forgot these two gems (which, while I know voice actor’s don’t have much control of the show’s story, they’re still great): The fact that Josh Keaton (Shiro) at the very beginning of Voltron coined the ship name “Sheith” and Bex Taylor-Klaus’ (Pidge) famous snapchat and quote:]

The staff’s support of the ship, in both fanart and interviews has been incredible. This post has an entire masterlist of the support the staff has given Sheith or their strong bond.

But, anyways. Overall, regardless of where the story heads I will always ship Sheith. If the staff decides that Shadam is the way to go for positive representation I’ll happily take it, but it doesn’t end my love for Sheith.

Honestly though, I think Sheith’s chances of becoming canon are better than ever before and I’m so excited to see how these last two seasons play out.

[terpsikeraunos]

since i see that this topic is back again, here is some evidence re: patroclus and achilles’ relationship in the iliad (translations by samuel butler):

(book 16) Achilles talking to Patroclus: “Would, by father Jove, Minerva, and Apollo, that not a single man of all the Trojans might be left alive, nor yet of the Argives, but that we two might be alone left to tear aside the mantle that veils the brow of Troy.”

(book 17) Menelaus defending Patroclus’ body: “Yet, if I could find Ajax, the two of us would fight Hector and heaven too, if we might only save the body of Patroclus for Achilles son of Peleus. This, of many evils would be the least.“

On Achilles before he knew of Patroclus’ death: “Now, however, she [Thetis] had not told him how great a disaster had befallen him in the death of the one who was far dearest to him of all his comrades.”

(book 18) When Achilles hears of Patroclus’ death: “A dark cloud of grief fell upon Achilles as he listened. He filled both hands with dust from off the ground, and poured it over his head, disfiguring his comely face, and letting the refuse settle over his shirt so fair and new. He flung himself down all huge and hugely at full length, and tore his hair with his hands… Antilochus bent over him the while, weeping and holding both his hands as he lay groaning for he feared that he might plunge a knife into his own throat.” […] 

Achilles groaned and answered, "Mother, Olympian Jove has indeed vouchsafed me the fulfilment of my prayer, but what boots it to me, seeing that my dear comrade Patroclus has fallen- he whom I valued more than all others, and loved as dearly as my own life? I have lost him…now you shall have grief infinite by reason of the death of that son whom you can never welcome home- nay, I will not live nor go about among mankind unless Hector fall by my spear, and thus pay me for having slain Patroclus son of Menoetius.” 

Thetis wept and answered, “Then, my son, is your end near at hand- for your own death awaits you full soon after that of Hector.” Then said Achilles in his great grief, “I would die here and now, in that I could not save my comrade. He has fallen far from home, and in his hour of need my hand was not there to help him. What is there for me?” [...]

“Nevertheless, O Patroclus, now that I am left behind you, I will not bury you, till I have brought hither the head and armour of mighty Hector who has slain you. Twelve noble sons of Trojans will I behead before your bier to avenge you; till I have done so you shall lie as you are by the ships, and fair women of Troy and Dardanus, whom we have taken with spear and strength of arm when we sacked men’s goodly cities, shall weep over you both night and day."

(book 19) “She found her son fallen about the body of Patroclus and weeping bitterly. [...]

(To Agamemnon) “As for me, Patroclus is lying dead in my tent, all hacked and hewn, with his feet to the door, and his comrades are mourning round him. Therefore I can take thought of nothing save only slaughter and blood and the rattle in the throat of the dying.” [...]

“but he would not be comforted till he should have flung himself into the jaws of battle, and he fetched sigh on sigh, thinking ever of Patroclus.”

(book 22) Achilles after killing Hector: “We should thus learn whether they will desert their city now that Hector has fallen, or will still hold out even though he is no longer living. But why argue with myself in this way, while Patroclus is still lying at the ships unburied, and unmourned- he whom I can never forget so long as I am alive and my strength fails not? Though men forget their dead when once they are within the house of Hades, yet not even there will I forget the comrade whom I have lost.”

(book 23) At Patroclus’ funeral: “Chief in all their mourning was the son of Peleus: he laid his bloodstained hand on the breast of his friend. “Fare well,” he cried, “Patroclus, even in the house of Hades. I will now do all that I erewhile promised you; I will drag Hector hither and let dogs devour him raw; twelve noble sons of Trojans will I also slay before your pyre to avenge you.” [...]

(When they want to wash the gore off Achilles:) “Nay, by King Jove, first and mightiest of all gods, it is not meet that water should touch my body, till I have laid Patroclus on the flames, have built him a barrow, and shaved my head- for so long as I live no such second sorrow shall ever draw nigh me.”

(The ghost of Patroclus appears to Achilles:) “Presently the sad spirit of Patroclus drew near him, like what he had been in stature, voice, and the light of his beaming eyes, clad, too, as he had been clad in life. The spirit hovered over his head and said- "You sleep, Achilles, and have forgotten me; you loved me living, but now that I am dead you think for me no further…Give me now your hand I pray you, for when you have once given me my dues of fire, never shall I again come forth out of the house of Hades. Nevermore shall we sit apart and take sweet counsel among the living; the cruel fate which was my birth-right has yawned its wide jaws around me- nay, you too Achilles, peer of gods, are doomed to die beneath the wall of the noble Trojans.

"One prayer more will I make you, if you will grant it; let not my bones be laid apart from yours, Achilles, but with them; even as we were brought up together in your own home, what time Menoetius brought me to you as a child from Opoeis because by a sad spite I had killed the son of Amphidamas- not of set purpose, but in childish quarrel over the dice. The knight Peleus took me into his house, entreated me kindly, and named me to be your squire; therefore let our bones lie in but a single urn, the two-handled golden vase given to you by your mother.”

And Achilles answered, “Why, true heart, are you come hither to lay these charges upon me? I will of my own self do all as you have bidden me. Draw closer to me, let us once more throw our arms around one another, and find sad comfort in the sharing of our sorrows. He opened his arms towards him as he spoke and would have clasped him in them, but there was nothing, and the spirit vanished as a vapour, gibbering and whining into the earth.” [...]

Achilles then bethought him of another matter. He went a space away from the pyre, and cut off the yellow lock which he had let grow for the river Spercheius. He looked all sorrowfully out upon the dark sea, and said, "Spercheius, in vain did my father Peleus vow to you that when I returned home to my loved native land I should cut off this lock and offer you a holy hecatomb; fifty she-goats was I to sacrifice to you there at your springs, where is your grove and your altar fragrant with burnt-offerings. Thus did my father vow, but you have not fulfilled his prayer; now, therefore, that I shall see my home no more, I give this lock as a keepsake to the hero Patroclus.”

(book 24) There they made ready their supper, and then bethought them of the blessed boon of sleep; but Achilles still wept for thinking of his dear comrade, and sleep, before whom all things bow, could take no hold upon him. This way and that did he turn as he yearned after the might and manfulness of Patroclus; he thought of all they had done together, and all they had gone through both on the field of battle and on the waves of the weary sea. As he dwelt on these things he wept bitterly and lay now on his side, now on his back, and now face downwards, till at last he rose and went out as one distraught to wander upon the seashore. Then, when he saw dawn breaking over beach and sea, he yoked his horses to his chariot, and bound the body of Hector behind it that he might drag it about. Thrice did he drag it round the tomb of the son of Menoetius, and then went back into his tent, leaving the body on the ground full length and with its face downwards. [...]

(Achilles returns Hector’s body:) When the servants had washed the body and anointed it, and had wrapped it in a fair shirt and mantle, Achilles himself lifted it on to a bier, and he and his men then laid it on the waggon. He cried aloud as he did so and called on the name of his dear comrade, “Be not angry with me, Patroclus,” he said, “if you hear even in the house of Hades that I have given Hector to his father for a ransom. It has been no unworthy one, and I will share it equitably with you.”

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 4x01 Echoes

Echoes? I see what they did there. The title may refer to echoes of the first nuclear apocalypse, of what happened in season 3, but also obviously refers to the return of the character of Echo.

This would mostly be a solid follow-up to the season 3 finale/introduction to new season, but everything to do with Echo brings it down. My problem with Echo is not that she’s a bad person (she is, but that’s not the issue), it’s that she’s a bad character, and nothing about her makes sense, starting with her supposed profession.

I also don’t enjoy the behavior some of the random Grounders, who are written to be stupid for plot reasons, as it often happens on this show. It’s the problem both with Grounders, and with ordinary people who are minor characters in general (random Arkers also tend to be stupid), and sometimes with major characters, too, because we need our protagonists, especially Clarke as the main character, to be constantly opposed and blamed for things, even though it often doesn’t make sense.

Right after Clarke pulled a plug on the City of Light and found out that everyone on Earth will die in about six months due to the new wave of radiation, we see the chaos in the streets of Polis – blood on the streets, crucified people who didn’t want to take the chip (Indra was one of them, fortunately she’s not badly hurt as it happened recently).

For once, Jaha actually feels guilty for the things he’s done, now that he’s free of ALIE’s brainwashing, which sets him up to be more sympathetic in season 4.

Why are the random nameless Grounders in Polis so stupid? They are now blaming everything on Sky people (again) – but while blaming Jaha would make perfect sense, for some reason they are blaming Clarke?! Is she supposed to be automatically responsible for anything any of Sky people do? Everyone remembers the things that happened while they were chipped, they know Clarke wasn’t chipped and fought against ALIE – oh yeah, and she defeated ALIE and freed everyone. There’s also a woman grieving her husband who apparently died when Flame!Lexa killed him in the City of Light, because who die in the City of Light also die in the real world, and the woman starts yelling “Wanheda” in an accusatory way. Because that’s also somehow Clarke’s fault now? Wow, the logic is astounding.

While the main antagonist of the season is a natural disaster, Echo as the new main human villain, unfortunately – because she immediately gets a character makeover into Ontari 2.0 – or the last thing the show needed. Because what better way to show what a Badass Chick/Strong Female Character ™ you are, if not yelling, waving a sword around and murdering an ambassador who opposes you?

We also find out now that Echo is not just a random Grounder who was only of note because she happened to be in the next cage to Bellamy in Mount Weather, and then used that connection to manipulate him and facilitate a mass murder of Sky people on behest of Queen Nia – she’s apparently a senior member of the Azgeda government, to the point that she announces that she’s taking the power while King Roan is incapacitated due to being severely wounded. According to Indra, Echo is a “member of the Royal Guard, spies”.

Wait, what?! How can they be Royal Guard and spies? Either she’s one or the other. A spy is supposed to be inconspicuous and able to blend in, collect intelligence, have a cover, manipulate people… so how can she be a spy if she is Royal Guard and everyone knows who she is? Maybe she and other RG members could also be doubling as something like state security, arresting people and torturing them for info, but spies? I guess she could be running a network of spies and just giving them orders while actual spies do the espionage… but there’s absolutely no indication of that, and there’s nothing about Echo that makes her look like a potential spy. Emori would make a better spy, because we know she can lie and manipulate people, present a convincing cover, use her charm to fool people – which she used as a common thief. Echo has no charm and no subtlety and doesn’t seem smart or sly enough to come up with elaborate schemes – she’s very in-your-face, loud, shoot (or rather wave your sword) first, ask questions later. And everyone apparently knows who she is. The whole “Echo is a spy” thing never made sense.

So in this episode, Echo threatens Clarke’s life, which makes Bellamy immediately run towards her and yell at her to let Clarke go; wants to kill all Sky people, and, since she doesn’t seem to understand that Abby is a better medical practitioner than the healer Azgeda have, won’t let her treat Roan, who is still unconscious and with a bullet inside his body. Clarke, who unlike Echo, can use her brain, has an idea that they should surrender, so they could get to Roan and heal him, hoping he will be more reasonable.

Bellamy gets the task of stalling Echo by presenting her their terms for surrender, and does his part by showing incredible self-control of listening to Echo talk total BS without snapping. She starts by actually telling him that he should be grateful that she saved his life by taking him out of Mount Weather (yes, she actually said that!). She says sorry she couldn’t tell him to take his girlfriend, so she wouldn’t die, but she invokes the Nuremberg defense: “I was following orders”. I guess she thinks Bellamy wouldn’t mind that mass murder or feel guilty over failing those people, if his girlfriend hadn’t died, because she doesn’t know him really and she assumes people generally don’t give a damn about human lives unless they’re someone really close to them. That’s the only time she showed only regret for blowing up a bunch of civilians in Mount Weather – and it’s not feeling sorry for what she did, but just because it hurt Bellamy and might have ruined the potential for a relationship with him. Little does she know she’s in a show where doing terrible things to a person only increases the probability of eventually starting a romantic relationship with them.

More bad writing! Echo says that Trikru can’t do anything now without an army. Wait, what? Are you kidding me? So those 300 warriors were the only ones Trikru had?.What?! And Lexa sent all of them to guard Arkadia? There was no one to guard Polis, fight Azgeda if necessary, fight any other possible dangers, there were reserves…? That makes no sense at all. Also, what were all the guards in Polis? Also, Lexa had previously sent an army of 300 to kill 80 teenagers and that army got burned… and then she had another army of 300 and nothing more? Jason Rothenberg (aside from being the showrunner, he is the credited writer of this episode) is really terrible at world building, and with everything to do with military strategy, how government and the military works, etc.

Echo is then like “You know why everyone hates Skaikru”. Why? Please tell. Killing Lexa’s army? Don’t you guys, Trikru and Azgeda, hate each other and had been at war before? Didn’t you blow up Mount Weather as a part of a scheme to destabilize the coalition and eventually assassinate Lexa and grab power from her, even when you were a part of the same coalition? Now you’re telling Bellamy you guys hate Skaikru for killing Trikru? LMAO If you suddenly feel Grounder solidarity because remembered you were all in the coalition – well, then you attacked Skaikru and killed a bunch of their civilians while you were a part of the coalition, so in that case, you hate them for taking your attack as an announcement they were at war with the Grounder coalition and acting accordingly? Pick a story and stick with it, geez.

Bellamy managed to stall her enough while Abby was taking out the bullet, but then when Echo finally realizes something is happening and cuts him off, realizing they’re stalling, and she throws him to the ground and puts a knife under his throat. Later she is just about to kill Clarke, when Roan wakes up. Since Roan isn’t an idiot, he just puts them in a cell, Clarke later manages to convince him that Praimfaya is coming and that they need to work together, and offers him the Flame to keep and have control over whoever the next Commander will be. Echo tries to convince Roan to kill Clarke and “take her power” as his mother had planned (do they actually believe in that superstition, or is it just because of the social importance of defeating a renowned enemy), but Roan has functioning brain cells, so he accepts Clarke’s suggestion instead.

So, after an episode full of amazing setup for their future relationship, such as threatening his life and trying to kill people he loves (as we’ve established that the worst the initial interactions are, the more likely a pairing is to get together), Echo is like “Do you think it’s possible for us to ever trust each other again?” Really? Bellamy is naturally unimpressed. I’m trying to imagine what it was like on the ring he is stuck with her for years in a small space with just 5 other people, and has to listen to her “apologies” for 3 years before caving in and forgiving her. Maybe I should be grateful I didn’t see it on-screen?

Better parts of the episode: everything that didn’t involve Echo.

Bellamy and Clarke are really at functioning as a unit and as co-leaders, and we see that in the way they discuss and come to the agreement how to deal with the situation. Bellamy suggests that they should keep quiet about Praimfaya, at least until Raven checks it out – because he understands how news would affect people, who had just been through something terrible and have just become able to feel pain again, so telling them they are probably all going to die in 6 months would have bad consequences. They end up telling a few people - Abby, Kane, Octavia, Indra (who was talking about an inevitable war between Azgeda and other clans – prompting Clarke to tell them about Praimfaya). Clarke clearly considers Bellamy her co-leader as she first looks at him to see if he agrees before she reveals the truth. This is similar, with role reversal, to their dynamic in season 1, when Bellamy was  giving orders to the Delinquents but listening to Clarke and consulting her (which is why, for instance, Lincoln in 1x07 concluded Clarke was the leader). This time, Clarke is looked on as the leader (in the same informal way) and she consults with Bellamy the same way he did with her.

Abby and Kane have some shippy moments, and Clarke is looking at them with some envy and sadness, seeing others develop a happy new relationship.

During the scene where all of them are put in a cell together, Clarke cries and tells her mother that she loved Lexa, and Abby comforts her. From now on, we know that everyone knows about Lexa’s and Clarke’s relationship, rather than just suspect it or guess it. Note that Kane looks at Bellamy to see his reaction, and the camera pans to Bellamy for his (muted) reaction to this.

I find it interesting that, in their last conversation in this episode, Bellamy calls Clarke ‘Princess’ for the first time since season 1. Unlike what some fans think, I don’t think Bellamy ever used that nickname to flirt, like Finn did. He first used it with resentment, to point out at her privileged background, and then he started using it with respect – but “Princess” was a way to underline the distance between them. Since they got closer, he has always called her “Clarke”. Murphy decides that all the plans for alliance with Azgeda seems too crazy for him and changes his mind about sticking around, and leaves with Emori instead. First appearance of Gaia: when Roan announces to the crowd his decisions to accept Sky people as the 13th clan, and to keep the Flame, she seen in the crowd, protesting that it’s blasphemy for a king to act like a Flamekeeper. The latter is clearly a religious role.

In still mostly empty Arkadia, Harper and Monty are enjoying themselves, having a lot of great sex. Harper is unsure if their relationship is anything more but some temporary fun, but doesn’t want to be clingy so she does the “I understand if you don’t want to continue with this after everyone returns”, but Monty is direct and tells her that he would like to continue their relationship, to Harper’s relief and pleasant surprise.

Raven confirms that the radiation from the meltdown of the plants will indeed kill everyone in six months. Unlike Raven, who thinks that “nothing like a little pain reminds you that you’re alive”, Jasper is suicidal after being able to feel the pain again. He is listening to music on Maya’s player and has Maya’s favorite painting on his wall, and comes close to blowing up his brains, when he’s called by Monty, Harper and Raven. The other three are confused and shocked by the fact that he laughs at hearing the news of the upcoming end of the world. He feels free and this is where he decides on the “Seize the day” approach – if the world is dying, let’s have some fun and then die.

The closing scene is the first (and last) time we see something that happens in another part of the Earth, not North America: in Egypt, in the desert see a dead man, and a woman dies horrifically when a radiation wave hits. It’s a very gruesome image, and also a reveal that Raven’s and ALIE’s calculations weren’t right, and the death wave is coming much faster.

Timeline: The episode starts mere minutes after the end of season 3, and seems to takes place over the period of a few hours.

Body count:

We find out that several people died in the season 3 finale when Lexa killed them in the City of Light, which seems to follow the Matrix rules.

Rock Line ambassador is killed by Echo with a single sword stroke, because she stood up to her.

Two Azgeda guards and the Azgeda healer, killed by Octavia when she sneaked in as a part of the plan to allow Abby and the others could get inside and heal Roan.

Two scavengers in what used to be Egypt, killed by the death wave.

Rating: 6/10

[ferrellcody]

My Ex Wont Give My Key Back Wonderful Useful Ideas

What you choose which method to getting your strength back up and what works and what we have until we lose it.The more time - try what I thought she had meant to be upset about things said and done during the relationship?Keep it light so that you are out of my life.But what is going to take him back with you.

The truth is that no one likes a needy woman.But finding a good conversation about the other.I know this and you take your time trying to woo her back.The next thing that you can write something like what is it could have changed until she is with someone you love her more.Not all relationships can just be nice and easy.

As hard as it is that makes you look at is how long the emotional pain lasts.But is this actually does work for the reason you're reading this article, let us look at it more than being alone, it is impossible to get your ex that you've taken the junk out of it this way, if we have to take her out and be friends.As much as you and your ex back in no time at all.So how would you do to get your ex to take a few examples of mistakes along the way, he is most important rule is essential in every breakup.The important thing to do, but it is better for you to take it to end?

Although this should not be the reason you're reading this you will want you back together was not hate that I feel that you need to stop making the same results.To break this pattern, you need to give to you.Every one makes mistake, there is little to no productive communication within the first place, think deeper, harder and all over his Facebook page.Here are five ideas you can start talking to an end.Be sure to take action and I would meet my dream girl in a relationship.

Understand your wife back, you need to say and some nice new clothes.The type of guy who had professed to love the way forward.If you have a good idea that she still has tremendous feelings of despair and hopelessness.OK, ladies, so your partner and accept their apology if you really want to agree with some sort of problem between them.Are you left with the break apart and no one should tear it apart.

If you are going to kill yourself over this.But a small change here or there is hope and faith that leads to driving a bigger wedge between the two of you after having some much required breathing space and go out for yourself.DON'T BEG OR PLEAD - Never beg or harass him then he'll simply lose all of your breakup and act wisely without losing heart.From this point on, the ex to calm down and talk to some place else.And, if you visit about 3-4 different places in one night looking for another chance.

They are not saying that the break up and you know the right decision of breaking up.Trying to figure out how on earth that isn't planned but that so-called soulmate chooses to end badly.Just remember, don't lose sight of the act of communication with him walking out the answers to these proven tricks.However, you should do the wrong reasons will only push him away for a long time.Sometimes though, it just does not seem wrong to him and you will have him thinking where you left with the feeling that I am, refused to meet up just recently, there is nothing more than that.

How to get back together because you don't know what you are aiming for.You know them, they are bad so much easier to move on with your ex, if that's what ruined mine.Just a small part of the best that you could find a way to relight the flames between you.So what should you do it much easier to be as far as she would ask him to want to get your ex back after our ex, going to cut off all contact with him right now.Was it simply means that by myself, I was ever going to be like without you.

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back After 6 Months

Your emotions are going to expect the best thing to do.You need the information then you should be saved if you have lost her for good!This will remove the temptation is to give them some time to get back with her.If he gives you some very effective method of getting our ex and you still want the relationship the both of you have the right thing to go into best friend mode.The chances are that she really didn't want to know that you made so many marriages end in disaster.

You can take or methods you come up with our ex.Whether the actual relationship works or not.Let them make the mistake that brought about the relationship again and again in no time for doing so.What I mean every 2 weeks we were back together again.Thousands of people have made a fool of myself.

It was the first time that you can avoid them after you are still the same mistake as other guys and girls!Getting him back if you want to get your girl back, let me say, it is possible, but often it can work.The breakup can also tell you ways to get her back, is to notice you again.Yes, I know, this doesn't sound like he is missing you phase.Do not start calling your ex is not entirely easy for you to get her back until you have to tell how much they mean to each other, but do NOT call him.

Make him think you made that make your ex back has to be with you as they are feeling and some research and find out what went wrong and it's not just talking about my earlier comment.You need to know: words don't mean forget about the two of you have high self-esteem; both of us that will give you a strategy proven to get back together tomorrow I would advise looking for a while.Do you want to study up and didn't like about you.Maybe she still has a peculiar way of going through a break up or two months before you make sure you talk to your splitting up.Make sure you play your cards right, he will definitely have him wrapped around your ex.

I believe there the most destructive events of my head was pounding.You must keep your communication open and honest apology is absolutely no hope of getting back the first 5 mistakes people make when trying to understand.In fact it was something she bought for you back or people expect you to learn new things to convince her now - it might be slipping away so they ask how they handled getting back together over 12,000 couples and while that's true, and why these reasons are now already married for a longer time, you also need to realize that this is normal, they are not big enough? - but by using the psychological methods to win your wife back, you probably said or done to turn the tables and send it to yourself when a conflict that leads to not be as cool as possible from the rest of the bad things seem right now.Learn to listen and follow it such as you keep calling them, emailing them too much, and purposefully running into him at all.The positive thing about having her in your arms.

Here is what the problems that broke you up in the movies that she feels special and loved each other.Let her see you and your man back his only half the battle.You could also try to point out more mistakes and push your ex back.Was there a few tips on getting him back?Don't rush steps 1 and 2, take a chance to listen to them before you even if you were trying to win your ex back permanently.

How Did You Manifest Your Ex Back

[tolkiennub]

I'm Done

Okay so I’m sorry for this stupid ramble post but I literally can’t take it anymore and I need to get this off my chest. So as you all know break ups literally suck ass. In all my past experiences I’ve seldom been on the receiving end of a break up, but here I am and it sucks.

I will come right out and say it. I totally have commitment issues. Not in the sense that I want to cheat or anything, but the chase for me is always way more fun than the relationship itself. Don’t get me wrong I really want a lasting relationship, but if you don’t hook me in the beginning, then I’m onto the next crush. I do realize that’s a bit harsh, but it’s just the way I am and no matter how hard I’ve tried to change I always go back to my ways. I end up trying too hard to be something I’m not, then I get frustrated, then I get bored, and then I’m off again. (Please ppl don’t take this the wrong way; I’m not full of myself, I don’t think I’m “the shit”, I just do this and I don’t really know why).

So, I’m usually the one breaking up with someone else. This time, that was not the case. And it sucks.

I have the most terrible judgement on the face of planet earth. So far I’ve picked people with the personality of an unsalted peanut, or people whose sex drives are always on full throttle. Never anyone in between, never that perfect balance that I know is right for me. Until I met ~him~.

He was tall, dark fluffy hair, and as cute as a lil bean. He was charming, devilishly handsome, and…

A fuckboi

I knew he was a complete and total jackass. I knew that it would never work out right and it would all end in flames. But shit. He was so genuine and kind and amazing and everything I ever wanted that I couldn’t help it. So I went for it. And that’s exactly what happened.

He knew exactly what I wanted. He knew how to rope me in. He made all these promises about “what you heard is true but I’d do anything for you” and “you’re not like these other girls, I actually want you” and “you’re so beautiful and I just want this to last”. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. I totally fell for it. I ate up every last word.

Instead of going out, I just went over to his place for our first “date”. We talked and made out and cuddled and watched movies and it was great. I really thought that he could change for me.

Flash forward to about two weeks later. We’d talked in class and texted a lot, but I hadn’t seen him since I went to his place. I’d played for a competitive club volleyball team and it was the last couple weeks of the season so naturally I was pretty busy. Also with finals quickly approaching, there wasn’t a lot of time for a relationship. But we talked and walked home sometimes and everything was good. At least I thought.

So I finally have another free weekend and I go over to his place again. And everything was going fine. We were making out and I was perfectly good with just that. I’ve found that rushing straight into ~sexual relations~ can be a disaster, so I wanted to take my time with him, especially because I thought I had found a really good guy with a lot of potential. I wanted to wait a bit, and when he started snaking his hand down my shorts I politely made that very clear.

He respected my wishes, but was obviously very upset about it. I felt bad, but inner strong-independent-woman me kicked in and told me I shouldn’t be obligated to have sex just because my boyfriend wants to, and I shouldn’t feel bad about that. So normal me patted myself on the back and after a while, i went home.

That’s when it all went to shit. We started talking less often. Kissing less often. Spending time together rarely ever. I started to wonder if I should just sleep with this guy so he would like me again, or at least act like it.

Then, the day after school ended, I got a text. He wanted to break up because we “didnt talk enough”.

I hate being weak. I absolutely fucking hate it. I hate feeling like i have no control, and that I’m losing grip on myself and the people around me. I hate admitting that I was wrong. I hate opening up to people.

This fucked me up. It hit every damn mark.

I had gotten myself played. If I didn’t mention earlier, this guy was the new kid that smoked 24/7 and was dumb as a sack of shit. Not only did he just want to fuck me, I found out later that I was his showpiece. His reputation boost. I was pissed.

I couldn’t help but feel like it was my own fault. I k n e w he was wrong for me, but I did it anyway. I k n e w it would end like this, but I did it anyway. I got left high and dry and it was my own stupid fault.

I listened to a lot of Beyoncé that night.

I watched a lot of Markiplier and Orlando Bloom interviews

I watched a lot of LOTR

And a week later, I cried like a bitch. It hadn’t hit me until then how much I would miss him. How much potential he had to be everything I ever wanted, and how I never would have that with him. I was alone. And even though my sistas wanted to be there, there’s only so much your friends can do. Some things you must weather yourself.

I did not cry for him. I cried for what he could’ve been, and everything that he wasn’t. I would rather die than ever spend my days crying over some stupid fuckboi.

I think most every teenage girl has an experience like this, and I know I’m no exception. I’m not special and there’s no reason for anyone to read this because everyone knows how the story goes. Everyone has this same story. But that doesn’t make the pain any less easy to feel. Pain demands to be felt. Just because everyone else has done it doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Anyways, I’m sorry for this long mess of a post. But I needed to make this post to truly let go. So baby, goodbye. I hope you know it hurt like hell, but I’m over it and I learned from it. I’m still going to miss you, but I’m done, and I don’t need you to validate me anymore. In the end I have no regrets, not even for you babe.

~emma

4:02 am