#also a reminder bc some of you freaks touch my posts sometimes when you should perhaps touch a library card

[zibah-ho]

Based on your likes? I have never read a Harry Potter let alone like it how dare you accuse me of that

[ddarker-dreams]

How do all the other stands feel ab sr? I’m sure they all somewhat get along, right?

i’ve been wanting to give a longer, traditional hc style post about this!! since you’ve asked it’s the perfect opportunity to express my thoughts on it. it’s more of a combination of SR with the user and their stand, i hope that’s okay hjrktme

Bruno Bucciarati;

Sticky Fingers is the first Stand from Bucciarati’s group that you got to see! So there’s a special place in your heart for it. By extension, Bruno was the first person to see Scarlet Ribbons. SR was very inquisitive during their initial meeting, since it’s the first time she ever saw a Stand other than herself. She was looking around a lot, and lowkey wondering where are this things bows at?? 

Though Stand powers wildly vary from one another, Bruno was able to give you a general explanation of what to expect from SR. He didn’t want to go too overboard with advice because he feels a natural fighting style stemming from your own abilities/instinct is best, especially since your Stand is created from your soul. He basically just told you to go with your gut, which at the time felt a bit frustrating... it turned out to be good advice though! 

Sticky Fingers and SR have almost opposite abilities in a way? SR can close up gaps whereas Sticky Fingers opens them up. It’s not uncommon that when you and Bruno are chatting, that your respective Stands are just kinda messing around in the distance. Sticky Fingers likes making zippers in walls, and SR tries to see if she can close them with ribbons... it doesn’t work like that, but it’s kinda endearing to see them interact with one another lmao.

Giorno Giovanna;

It’s gonna be super cute okay. Giorno in general might give the impression of knowing what he’s doing when it comes to romance, but he really is just winging it and kinda going ??? the entire time. Meanwhile, Gold Experience is going ham with SR, pulling all the stops to impress her (and you, by extension). His Stand makes flowers of a striking red color, trying to match the shade of SR’s ribbons!! Mostly poppies, tulips, and occasionally roses. 

Giorno is kinda curious how SR seems to be out a lot of the time, he’s thinking should I do the same thing with GE...? You’ll be doing exercises, and SR is there bringing a water bottle over to you. Or when you’re cooking, SR is hovering over your shoulder wanting to help out as well. She’s just almost always around, even if only in the background to explore her surroundings. It makes Giorno let GE out more often, subconsciously. 

He does ask you about it once, and you just kinda shrug and say SR likes the freedom to do as she pleases. Since she isn’t rambunctious like Pistols, you don’t see the harm in letting her roam around.  

Gold Experience wants to try making ribbons, but the best it can do is creating ribbon eels. It’s not quite the same, but it’s a solid effort. Giorno just has to stop GE from putting the ribbon eel on his head in the same way SR has a ribbon on hers. Mista was around to witness this historical event, and no, he does not intend on letting Giorno live it down. Giorno’s grateful he stopped it from actually happening though. 

Guido Mista;

Let’s just say your Stands together can be pretty chaotic. The first time you met Mista, and he realized you were a Stand user like himself, he had a very pressing question. When you showed him SR, he looked at it for a moment, as if in deep thought. 

“D-does... yours talk too?” 

Mista passed Polpo’s test only to be gifted talented, albeit troublesome little gremlins. Before he realized giving Pistols food is a reliable method of calming them down, it was a war zone. One of the mornings where the two of you had to do some standard protection fee collection, he looked like a borderline zombie. Lamenting that the Pistols refused to let him sleep, and asked if you’d please use SR to cover their mouths lmao. They were protesting the entire time, trying to convince you not to do it.

When Number Five starts crying, SR makes a little ribbon to put on his head!! It’s super cute and Mista’s heart is just leaping in his chest. Then, of course, all the other Pistols want one bc equal attention!! When the two of you aren’t paying solid attention to your Stands, you’ll sometimes spot SR testing how many accessories she can fit on the tiny Pistols. It isn’t a lot but they’re insistent on trying. 

Pistols are always trying to get SR to do crazy stunts for their entertainment. Eventually, you had to lock your refrigerator with her ribbons to prevent the Pistols from stealing your food. But when you’re busy, the Pistols keep trying to convince SR to undo them so they can snack. She actually felt bad for them once, released the restriction, and the Pistols went to town on your leftovers. : (

Mista felt pity for you though and offered to take you out to get more food!! So it all worked out for his benefit in the end. The Pistols do not take issue in reminding him of this as well, saying that they’re the reason he got to go on a date with you. :’ )

Pannacotta Fugo;

He remained fiercely adamant on keeping Purple Haze from you for the longest time. Fugo hates how his Stand practically comes out of its own autonomy whenever you’re in the vicinity, wanting to get a closer look at you. There have been a lot of close calls when you first got to know when another, leading to Fugo abruptly leaving in conversations. 

Your Stands get along well once Fugo feels comfortable enough to let Purple Haze out around you. Since SR is a long ranged Stand, she can do her cute ribbon tricks from a distance outside of the virus’ range!! Though she has a habit of trying to get closer, just out of curiosity. Fugo gets freaked out when this happens though, so she waits until he’s distracted with talking to you (a little genius)! 

Purple Haze makes the biggest puppy dog eyes at SR, which humiliates Fugo to no end. He gives his Stand intense talks when you’re not around, telling him to keep it cool, he doesn’t want you thinking he’s an idiot. But as soon as he even mentions SR, Purple Haze gets all thrilled and is like !!! So it’s ultimately counterproductive. Fugo just hopes you don’t put two and two together, over why his soul likes yours so much. It’s his daily prayer...

Fugo has an embarrassing habit of doodling ribbons on stuff he’s working on, when he starts zoning out. When he realizes what it is he’s doing he gets flustered about it, cursing underneath his breath and hoping that you don’t happen to come by and notice. Unfortunately for him, as SR likes to see what everyone is up to, she came over and saw what he was doing. After putting two and two together, she gave him a nod and a thumbs up on his doodles. Didn’t snitch to you though, so the two of them have a mutual understanding. :’)

Narancia Ghirga;

He wants so badly to impress you with Aerosmith. Narancia will whip his Stand out in your presence at any given opportunity, having it do a few flips and tricks more than necessary. Then he stares over to see what you and SR think about it... she once clapped in Aerosmith’s honor. It was all Narancia could think about for the rest of the day. 

The two Stands typically just play around with one another. Aerosmith likes to make little ribbon shaped clouds, and SR attempts making a plane shape out of her ribbons. It’s not quite the same, but she’s trying!! Narancia finds it adorable, and tries to make requests of shapes and stuff for her to make. SR does her best to fulfill the requests, concentrating hard on the task!!

Since SR enjoys making hair accessories, she’s tried to make a bandanna similar to Narancia’s for you. Though she ultimately scrapped the idea, giving you a disapproving look and fastening it back into the normal bow it normally is lmao. When you mentioned this behavior to Narancia he was like wait, what?? Lemme see! But if SR doesn’t find something fashionable, she doesn’t have any intention on doing it again. So he’s outta luck...

It doesn’t stop him from asking about it. He just can’t believe that your Stand thought about him when he wasn’t around!! It touched him in a way he never knew possible. It’s also a bit of a relief since you’re often the subject of his thoughts. 

Leone Abbacchio;

Similar in a sense to Fugo, where he didn’t want Moody Blues around you that much at first. He takes a much more serious approach to his Stand than others, since it’s deeply rooted in his past trauma. It’d actually be one of the few moments he might snap at you, should you ask to see his Stand one too many times. Not out of malicious intent, he’s just... very disillusioned with Moody Blues at first.

You two had a job which required some investigative work, the client having seemingly disappeared with some goods that belonged to Passione. Figuring out what happened with the merchandise was essentially child’s play for Moody Blues, a replay showing the full extent of the events. Abbacchio wasn’t keen on showing you his Stand, but it couldn’t be helped any longer.

Unlike the others who tended to pester him on the extent of Moody Blues’ abilities, you just complimented him. Saying that it’s similar in utility to your Stand. You willingly comparing yourself to him, and in a positive light nonetheless, kinda had him at a loss for words. 

He didn’t really offer a strong rebuttal like he normally would, so you assumed he didn’t think much of your comment. Which, of course, couldn’t be further from the truth. If you could see good in him of all people, then well... there was a lot for him to think about that night.

After this incident, he’s noticeably just a tad kinder to you in general. What you said meant a lot to him. Obviously not enough to make all his self deprecation go away overnight, but it just gave a small glimmer of hope. That maybe he can someday be better.

Trish Una;

Another person that I picture SR being especially adorable with!! After the events of Bruno betraying the boss, you and SR would be feeling hurt on Trish’s behalf. You instantly draw the parallels of living a carefree life, only for Passione/gangsters to come in and essentially ruin everything.

While dealing with the pain of rejection from her father figure, Trish also wonders if you consider her less important. Since your original job was to protect her, due to being the boss’ daughter, wouldn’t it make sense you don’t care about her now that it’s no longer your job to?

SR covers the spot where her hand was severed with a bow, even after Giorno properly heals it. Trish just looks at you confused, and you explain it’s your Stand’s way of wanting to help her feel better. That where her father had inflicted pain, Trish has the support and strength from you and herself to overcome it. 

Needless to say, Trish thinks highly over you, the feeling extending over to Spice Girl. During your meetups after everything is over, Spice Girl and Scarlet Ribbons come out and embrace one another!! Well, it’s more like SR goes for the hug, and Spice Girl is just :’) woah affection. Trish finds it a little embarrassing at first, but secretly loves and it and looks forward to it. Though she does wish Spice Girl was a tad more discreet. 

During Trish’s travels for her singing career, if there’s anything that even vaguely reminds her/Spice Girl of you, she snaps a photo to text to you. It’s mostly red hair accessories and clothing, which she of course purchases. Spice Girl misses SR a lot, so expect to receive a lot of texts asking how you and your Stand are doing. 

When Scarlet Ribbon spots Trish’s name popping up on your phone, she immediately brings it over. The Stand impatiently shoves your phone in your face, as if to say respond now!! It’s Trish, it’s important!! Scarlet Ribbons loves her a lot 🥺 especially since Trish sends her accessories...

[i-like-plan-m]

I love all your writing. You have a gorgeous way with words and a very well-thought-out approach to AUs. That being said, my favourite of your works has to be the "WWX is raised by another Sect." If you wanted to write something about WWX being raised by Baoshen Sanren, I would be all over it. ♡

Plus a similar prompt from @sabeanybabe! 

I know you explore the bloodline of Sanren a lot, but I would like to see more fics where everyone gets super freaked about wwx bc of this. Maybe in this world he grows up on the immortal mountain, and leaves briefly (I like fics where he can go back to the mountain bc hes family, esp. bc he might not have the Jiangs). I'd love to see the reactions of when comes to the classes w/o invitation bc his grandma, the immortal, sent him. wwx disrupts CR in a different and new way

Posted to Ao3: wander the edges of light

“Stand up straight,” Lan Qiren hissed at a fidgeting disciple. Lan Wangji did not turn around, busy watching the path with Lan Xichen at his side and half the sect gathered somewhat restlessly behind them. 

Not even the famous Lan composure could withstand a meeting with the legendary Baoshan Sanren, it seemed.

His could, he thought with some disdain. And xiongzhang was as poised as ever. But curiosity was contagious, and their disciples were on edge from the sudden dissipation of their wards and the ensuing announcement that Baoshan Sanren would be visiting to assist them with repairs. 

Without warning, Lan Yi had fallen into a frozen sleep in the Cold Pond Cave that few knew existed. Her strength had been the only thing keeping a certain dangerous item hidden, and their defensive wards had faltered without her for some unknown reason. 

The Cloud Recesses was left vulnerable with war looming on the horizon-- without their wards, they were open to attack, and they had few options that would let them repair the wards and still be prepared to fight. 

Instead of risking the sect further, Lan Qiren had sent a messenger to the foot of Baoshan Sanren’s mountain. A stroke of luck had one of her disciples notice the courier and agree to carry it to their master. The response was swift and brief: Baoshan Sanren would come to the Cloud Recesses for her former friend, and to protect their sect until Lan Yi was well again.

If she woke again. Lan Wangji had his doubts; he’d seen his ancestor’s place of rest, a stasis of some sort that kept her suspended in unconsciousness. 

A sudden warm wind ruffled the trees and sent a shower of leaves raining down on the path, concealing the bend just outside of the gates where the sect disciples waited. They spun in a loose whirlwind made up of a myriad of reds and oranges and yellows that marked the change of season.

The breeze died down, releasing the leaves with a sigh so they spread into a carpet of color along the wide dirt trail. And in their place a soft golden light glowed as though the sun itself had risen in the curve of the path, ascending solely to deliver the woman who stepped out of the light. 

Two tall, slender shadows flanked her, gliding serenely out of the light as though it were perfectly normal for nature to bend itself to their master. Lan Wangji focused on Baoshan Sanren but studied her companions-- disciples, perhaps?-- out of the corner of his eye. 

The man on the left wore white robes and a lovely, glittering sword on his back. He was very handsome, Lan Wangji thought uncomfortably, and turned his attention instead to the other disciple, who wore all black with little flares of red at his waist, his hair. 

A dizi was shoved haphazardly in his belt and his sword gripped loosely in one hand. Lan Wangji let his gaze travel from the disciple’s waist to his shoulder and finally his face, and felt his stomach drop to his feet. 

This disciple-- this boy-- was as beautiful as the other, only this one was grinning widely at him as their respective master and sect leader exchanged greetings. 

“--two of my disciples,” Baoshan Sanren was saying, and Lan Wangji tore his eyes away from the boy and tuned back into the conversation before he missed something important. “Xiao Xingchen and Wei Wuxian.” 

Wei Wuxian bounced in place on his toes, seemingly unable to hold still. He peered curiously around and Lan Zhan had to resist the urge to tell him not to touch when he leaned in to inspect the temporary wards they’d erected. 

“Shifu,” Wei Wuxian said after a moment. Baoshan Sanren paused her interrogation about Lan Yi’s unexpected collapse and turned to him, eyebrows raised in question. He gestured to their perfectly functional wards and made a face. His master only nodded once in response, like they’d exchanged a dozen words instead of one. 

Lan Wangji wanted to wipe the look off his face. His brother eyed him from the corner of his eye, probably the only one who noticed him bristling in reaction. It was enough to remind Lan Wangji to settle, to keep his composure even when this stupid, pretty boy whipped a small knife from his boot and started carving on their sect’s stone gate like a disrespectful heathen. 

His uncle remained silent, though he also scowled minutely at the faint scratching noises. 

“Wei Wuxian is especially talented with wards,” Xiao Xingchen said smoothly, stepping forward to draw their attention away from his sect brother. “He is adding to yours so that when we add our own power, it will ensure the Cloud Recesses is wholly protected until we can revive your ancestor.” 

“Lan Yi must have tied herself to the external wards somehow,” Baoshan Sanren said, peering over Wei Wuxian’s shoulder as he worked. She sighed. “She never did know when to quit.”

Lan Qiren frowned. “Why would she do such a thing? It took all of her power to contain the…” he paused, and turned to shoo his disciples up the hill. He waited until the last one was out of sight to continue. “The Iron.”

“My guess? It was either an accident, or something made her try to expand her protection past the cave. Speaking of which…” 

“We will take you,” Lan Xichen said with a smile, holding out his arm as if to help her up the steep hill. 

“Such a polite young man,” Baoshan Sanren said, patting him on the arm. ”A-Xian, pay attention, you could learn a thing or two from these Twin Jades.” 

“Hey!” 

Baoshan Sanren ignored him. “Zewu-Jun, is it? You are far too young and handsome to be stuck with an old woman.” She sent a sideways look at Xiao Xingchen, a wicked grin of amusement passing across her face almost too fast to track. “But perhaps my disciple would appreciate a tour?”

Xiao Xingchen, Lan Wangji noticed, flushed pink to the roots of his hair and said nothing until a bemused Lan Xichen turned to him instead. He hurriedly schooled his expression and gave a regal nod of agreement, allowing Lan Xichen to lead him into the Cloud Recesses. 

Wei Wuxian snickered under his breath, right up until his master added, “Lan Wangji, would you mind assisting my remaining disciple? He is somewhat of a trouble magnet.” 

“Shifu!” Wei Wuxian said indignantly. 

Lan Wangji very much minded, but he doubted there was a cultivator alive who could say no to Baoshan Sanren. “Of course, daozhang.” He saluted, careful not to let his resentment show. He didn’t want to be stuck with a troublemaking guest disciple with sparkling gray eyes and a teasing grin, but perhaps it was better that someone kept an eye on him. 

“Good boy.” Lan Wangji blinked, surprised at the warmth her praise brought. “Now, Lan Qiren, why don’t you take me to my old friend? It’s time we had another talk about her reckless behavior.” 

Lan Wangji frowned after them. 

“Don’t take her seriously,” Wei Wuxian said without looking up, the tip of his tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth as he worked diligently on the wards. “She and Lan Yi were like… together all those years back. Or almost together; none of us can get a straight answer out of her, no matter how much we hound her about it.” 

Now Lan Wangji frowned down at him. “You should not annoy your Master.” 

“Why not?” Wei Wuxian chirped. “It’s fun.” 

“Fun,” Lan Wangji repeated, appalled. 

“Yeah,” Wei Wuxian agreed. “Sometimes she just threatens to toss us off the top of the mountain, but occasionally we can badger her into sharing a story or two.” 

Lan Wangji had no idea what to say to that. He settled for vaguely disapproving silence to cover up his complete bafflement. Baoshan Sanren was nothing like he’d expected, her disciples even less so. 

“There,” Wei Wuxian said, satisfied, and stood gracefully. Lan Wangji felt the sudden hum of increased spiritual energy from whatever changes he’d made. 

“Did you add your own power to the wards?” 

“Hm? Oh, no. Not yet. Shifu wants to determine whether we should focus our own power on defending the cave; otherwise we might be too spread thin, in case something were to happen.” Wei Wuxian twirled around to face him, head cocked with curious eyes. “Do you think something will happen?”

Lan Wangji paused. He knew, obviously, that Baoshan Sanren and her disciples were secluded on their mountain. They were removed from mortal, earthly affairs, so of course they didn’t know of Wen Ruohan’s bloodstained rise to power. 

And yet it still took him by surprise that they weren’t aware of the monster in the west, the armies he was amassing or the awful tension of waiting for the storm to break. But they had nothing to fear. Nothing to lose. Wen Ruohan couldn’t touch them, couldn’t break them the way he could the other great sects. 

“Yes,” Lan Wangji admitted. He’d been included in enough discussions with his brother and uncle to know that war was only a matter of time. 

“I guess it’s a good thing we came, then!” Wei Wuxian said cheerfully. “Hey, do you have any of that Emperor’s Smile here? We passed it on the way up the mountain; I’m thirsty after all that work!” 

Lan Wangji frowned deeply at him and pointed to the wall of Lan Sect rules. Wei Wuxian’s eyes went wide at the sight of it. “Alcohol is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses.” 

“Aiya, what’s not forbidden in the Cloud Recesses?” He asked, hands on his hips as he leaned back to find the top of the wall, so playfully theatrical about it he nearly toppled over backwards. 

“Silence,” Lan Wangji said stiffly. “Thinking before you speak.” He gave Wei Wuxian a pointed look, and despaired when it only made him throw back his head and laugh. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll behave.” Lan Wangji doubted that very much. “Let’s go find the others before all these rules make me break out in hives.” Wei Wuxian shuddered dramatically and eyed the wall of rules like they were contagious. 

Lan Wangji could think of several that would improve Wei Wuxian’s personality. Most of them were the ones about silence and not touching things that did not belong to you. Such as other people.

He turned on his heel and started up the path with Wei Wuxian on his heels. Lan Wangji’s gaze caught on Do not lust after others, and he looked away quickly, pretending he couldn't feel the burning heat in his ears.

[redhawtriot]

Operation Unvirgin (Bakugou x Reader)

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

I had this idea the other day that Bakugou probably would be super celibate. Like he is very goal oriented and doesn't like to attach himself to others, so I feel like he wouldn't have ever bothered with girls or even beat his meat or anything (the shit’s fucking perverted okay?! how could any decent person touch themselves?)

But he hears that Deku is boutta get laid and he gets pissed bc WHAT? That loser is gonna beat him in something?! So he goes on a mission to loose his virginity before Deku. 

So I wrote the NSFW piece of this and it was UTTER GARBAGE, but I know that many of you guys are writers so think of this as a very informal request: Anyone can write the second half of this and tag me and I will repost it (except no non-con plz). It doesn’t matter how long it is.

If this completely flops I will ... sigh... post my shitty NSFW next week... (But please spare me and yourselves from that outcome) 

HnM💕

Bakugou never could understand all the hype surrounding the opposite sex.

The blond man would wrack his brain as he tried to remember the exact moment where his fellow peers stopped looking at girls like the enemy and started looking at them like walking deities, mindlessly floating behind them as if an invisible scent enchanted their spirits. Sometimes he felt like a lone soldier in sustaining self-respect.

In his isolated state, he only watched in disgust as freaks like Mineta and Kaminari drooled over women and reduced themselves into warm bodied zombies in the presence of a vagina. Pathetic.

He would never in a million years let a woman rule over him. He had seen how his hag of a mother treated his father, and he would rather stick his face in a vat of acid than have his soul belong to someone like that.

His stupid mom always told him that he would probably meet someone in high school that would change his mind, but there he was, the night after graduation, victorious in his pursuit of staying the fuck away from crazy broads like her.

In fact, this ridiculous graduation party that Kirishima had dragged him to was probably the last time he would see most of these extras, since he doubted many of them would make it past being D-listers or side-kicks—and that was him being generous.

The colorful beams of light took turns fading in and out of the dark room as the heavy bass of multiple speakers pounded into his body, sending a flurry of vibrations in his abdomen. Although, Bakugou would never admit this out loud, he actually enjoyed this scenery. The stomping of the music reminded him a lot of his own quirk and the lights weren’t completely hideous.

Yeah, as long as no one at this shitty party tried to talk to him or get on his nerves he would be just fine—

“Baku-brooooo!”

God Dammit.

“Hey, dude!” Kaminari threw a sloppy arm over the angrier blond’s shoulders as Kirshima, Deku and Mina all followed behind him through the dense party crowd. Now, if this had been two years ago, Kaminari just might have found himself short an appendage through an explosive altercation; however, throughout his high school career, Bakugou found that simply ignoring the idiots was usually enough to deter them from trying to converse with him.

So Bakugou swallowed the increasing rage that was bubbling in his throat and simply scoffed instead, swatting the man’s arm away from him and turning his back on him and his incoming entourage. Kaminari only laughed in response, “C’mon bro we are officially graduates! Ditch the bad boy act and loosen up a little—we are men now! Just ask Midoriya!” he slyly suggested.

The sound of his rival’s name piqued his interest, yet the stubborn man still refused to give the short-circuited idiot the satisfaction of knowing such a thing, so he continued to glare away from him as Izuku spoke up, “N-no it’s nothing really… Uraraka and I have just been together for a while. Honestly, I don’t even know if I will go for it. I don’t wanna be a jerk or anything bringing it up to her! Forget I said anything at all, actually!” the young man frantically waved his hands as his face became obviously red even in the dimly lit atmosphere.

Mina snickered as her hands found their way to her hips “The shy guy act is cute and all Midoriya, but every girl wants confidence in bed! I am sure she wouldn’t mind if the two of you at least talked about it,” she bumped the green haired boy with her hips as Bakugo furrowed his eyebrows even deeper.

Kirishima was the next to speak up “GO for it, man! There worst that can happen is that she’ll say no!” he heavily patted the concerned Izuku’s back, “But the manliest thing for you to do is respect her boundaries,” he quickly added in.

The green haired man shook his head at the ground, “I should have just kept my big mouth shut...”

“She won’t say no,” Mina sang with a mischievous expression drawn across her face.

The three boys turned their attention to her with confused glances before Kaminari spoke up, “C’mon Mina! You know something don’t you? Spill it!” he begged.

Mina looked as if she were contemplating for only a moment before he gestured for the men to come closer, “Don’t tell her I told you, but…” she trailed off for dramatic effect, “She was totally gonna try to seduce you tonight, Midoriya!!” She winked. Bakugou’s ears perked up at this statement,

“WhAT?” both him and Izuku cried out.

Kaminari and Kirishima laughed at the blond’s outburst, “So you were listening after all, huh Bakugou?” the latter questioned.

“What do you think of the situation, buddy?” Kaminari leaned into the explosive man with a smirk.

“I’m not your damn buddy,” Bakugou bumped the electrical dumbass away from him, “I think you idiot perverts need to stop worrying about whose panties you’re gonna fail getting into and worry about not being able to keep food on your fucking plates when your careers flop!” he barked as the four blinked in surprise at his sudden outburst.

Kaminari saw this as the perfect opportunity to mess with him, “Bakugou are you… a virgin?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, PIKACHU,” the man under interrogation screeched.

“He totally is!” Kaminari threw his hands up in feign shock, causing Mina to giggle.

Izuku awkwardly shifted on the balls of his feet as Kiri loudly spoke up, “Hey guys, it’s not manly to butt into another man’s personal life like that.”

Bakugou ignored his defender and continued screaming at dumb and dumber through the loud music, “S-Shut the hell up!” his face was dusted in a light shade of red as he spoke. He tried to shake these foreign feelings of embarrassment away. So fucking what if he was a virgin?

“Deku still ain’t shit! Who fucking cares if he’s gonna get his dick dirty?! I could fuck any of these bimbos!” he loudly called out, causing a few girls crowding the area to throw him wary glances before they cautiously moved away. The group of friends noticed this and Kamari and Mina failed miserably at stifling their laughs at the scene.

“It’s ‘make love to’, dude…” Kirishima quietly correct his angry friend in a feeble attempt to save his future endeavors with women.

“NO. FUCK! I said what I meant dammit!” he yelled as he once again fought away the redness on his face, “I could fuck any one of these bitches within an inch of their life!” he furiously vowed.

“Any, huh?” Mina questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s what I fucking said, Raccoon eyes!”

“Then how about…” the yellow irises scanned the dense room for a moment before a smile split her face. She happily pointed a finger, “that one!”

Bakugou followed her finger through the crowd and found you on the other side of the room. The fading lights intermittently illuminated your features, but he knew exactly who you were— Y/N L/N.  The only other person at U.A. known for being just as proud as himself if not more. Also known for having a slough of men on your heels at any given moment, but not giving a single one of them any significant time of day.

Mina snickered at Bakugou’s sudden silence, causing him to throw a glare at her. He fought of any creeping feeling of disheartened as he began a march toward your dancing figure, “Fucking easy” he roughly hyped himself up before approaching you.

“Hey,” he barked roughly. It didn’t really come off as much of a greeting and had more of a threatening tone to it, but in your shocked state you could only offer a half-hearted smile at the daunting man before returning to the conversation that you were having with your friends.

However, after a while, you noticed that your friends were distracted as their scared eyes kept darting behind you. He was still there wasn’t he?

You rolled your eyes before throwing a glare in his direction, “Do you fucking want something, dickhead?” you snapped.

“I SHOULD—” he began to threaten but he clamped his mouth shut and bottled up his feelings of rage from being disrespected before he continued, “You…” he barked, an unfamiliar feeling of uncertainty gripping at his chest, “I want you,” he said sternly. He had heard Kaminari say some stupid shit like this before and it worked. If it worked for an idiot like him then surely—

Bakugou’s thoughts were cut off as you simply threw your head back in a fit of laughter before turning your back to him to converse with your friends again, “Anyway,” you loudly began before beginning to talk to you friends again.

Bakugou’s face contorted in aghast uncertainty before he looked back to his classmates. Kaminari was giving him a thumbs down, Mina was giggling like crazy, Kirishima was beaming him a reassuring smile and Deku was no where to be found. Fuck! he probably went off to find Uraraka!

The thought set a competitive fire in his chest as he looked back toward you, “Let’s--“ he stopped himself to re-frame his approach. He thought of the words of encouragement that shitty hair might give him in this moment,

‘Treat her like a queen!’ ‘Ladies love a man with a code! Don’t tell her what to do, ask her!’

“Do... you want to dance,” he forced himself to ask through slightly gritted teeth. This was utterly humiliating.

“You think you can handle it?” you joked through a small smirk before eyeing him up and down. The man only averted his glare from you in response as he scowled at a nearby wall. You gave a small laugh at the display. It was almost childish how he was acting.

You suddenly noticed the red tint that was adorning his cheeks, sending a wave of excitement throughout your body. A sudden predacious urge clutched your abdomen at the sight.

“Okay,” you smiled after wetting your lips. You leaned into him before grabbing his forearm and leading him deep into the hot pool of dancing bodies. He stiffly followed after you.

If he thinks he can handle it then you’ll just have to show him how wrong he is...

[trunkzbriefs]

Any Son and/or Briefs family headcanons? Spicy hot takes? Truths Toriyama and Toyotaro themselves can not handle? Straight up lies?

GODDAMN SORRY this took a while cause i suck at putting thoughts together. i apologize for my obvious briefs bias i have more hcs for them than the son family despite loving them both :pensive: anyway heres some random stuff

briefs hcs:

all of the briefs are pros at non-verbal communication. i hc that saiyans have their own language (and also in my own Mind Canon they still have their fuckin tails) and a lot of it is done through tail movement/body posture/grunts/etc. etc so theyve all sort of picked that up. even bulma, who doesnt have a tail, is pretty good at getting across what she means without actually speaking. they still do speak normally but it comes in handy sometimes considering that both trunks and vegeta are prone to running out of speaking energy or getting very frustrated with words, so having another way to communicate works very well for them

vegeta is fffffffffffffffffffurry. without getting too deep into my own General Saiyan hcs (thats why i made a whole ass four subspecies!!) i think that the entirety of planet vegeta tended to be very hot aside from the part where the castle was, where the temperature would drop. meaning that saiyans working in the palace would grow thicker fur around certain parts of their body, and in the royal saiyans theyd be Especially fluffy. he kept it down on earth, but he has thick patches of fur around the bottom parts of his arms and legs. kind of like snowy boots and gloves! he also has fur that grows in on his neck like a lions mane.

future trunks is an actions sponge, vegeta is a words sponge. vegeta will pick up words VERY quickly regardless if he fully understands the meaning of it or not (completely inspired by 'THATS RIGHT BOYS... MONDO COOL' in z) and future trunks will unintentionally mimic the actions of people - around people he looks up to he might take a few small mannerisms from but this extends to copying the disposition of anyone; he's just very adaptive. this is the most obvious (and funniest) when he's around vegeta bc it really shows like. yeah damn that sure is vegeta's son

vegeta & bulla have an intimidating bastard smirk naturally. their natural smiles are pretty frightening and they have to put effort into a 'normal' one. this also extends to current trunks, his default smile is the Vegeta Bastard Smirk but he learned to have a normal smile quicker than his father and sister. future trunks has a slightly unnerving natural smile (the fact that his pupils are always drawn so fucking small makes me hc that he just has a very intimidating look of 'cat thats about to pounce on an unfortunate trapped mouse' whenever he smiles) but he learned to look normal even quicker than current trunks since he's around humans a Lot and is sort of their uh, Hope. don't want to look scary to the people who depend on you!

bulma has some fighting knowledge and mildly good ki control. vegeta taught her it as a just in case so that she'd be able to defend herself against Bigger threats if he wasn't there and also so she could raise her own ki to alert someone to her if she had to.

vegeta is extremely clean and can not stand to have things disorganized for more than like... an hour before he has to tidy everything up. every time he goes down to the lab and bulma is passed out in a pile of bolts and circuit boards it kills him inside just a little bit

future trunks has little concept of power control. since his timeline was always in danger it wasn't really an important thing for him to learn. the amount of mugs he's accidentally crushed is impressive

vegeta tends to not sound like he's asking questions when he is. he doesn't add the proper infliction to the end of his questions and just sounds flat most of the time. it's confusing to people who dont know him well.

im not even gonna lie, im a BIG fan of the chill demon panchy headcanon so i love the idea that the briefs have a Lil bit of demon in them but just dont know it ghjnkm

[banging my fists on the 'hcs that not even got could take away from me' table] future trunks has OCD

vegeta doesn't really get labels but he's bisexual & "debatably a man", bulma is bisexal & bigender transfem (sometimes shes Wamen and other times its like "gender? no"), bulla is a nonbinary lesbian, current trunks is a bisexual trans man & future bulma forgot to explain the concept of gender and sexuality to future trunks so he's a little confused on that front and his gender & sexuality are "i have literally never thought abt these concepts in my life but i think men are nice. i refuse to think about gender though" (i actually have two main hcs for future trunks which are either gay trans man or more-feminine-presenting nonbinary bisexual)

son hcs:

goku is Not as fluffy as vegeta at all, but he does have fur on certain parts of his body. namely on the back of his elbows + ankles, down his back connecting to his tail, and on his shoulders. its inherented from gine!

gohan is learning saiyan language from vegeta! vegeta acts grumpy about it but he's glad to have someone to teach. when gohan learned that most of the history had been lost he basically wished shenron for a big ol book on saiyan culture and gave it to vegeta just as an act of kindness and vegeta was like [in an angry voice but very touched] "Ok. Sit down. You're learning." by extension gohan is also teaching the rest of his family!

i will take ox king being actually non-human to my grave so like, chichi has horns and a very short ox tail! gohan and goten both have horns, but they're hidden by hair. goten's horns are bigger than gohans.

goten also has a more ox-like tail, with a little puff of fur at the end. generally, gohan looks more saiyan-like and goten looks more ox/human-like.

although he keeps up his cheery demeanor very well, goku is still haunted pretty badly by like... everything that’s happened in his life. he still has frequent nightmares about cell & buu specifically.

gohan will freak out at worse, zone out at best, if he's even tapped on the neck. it reminds him of the whole 'getting his neck snapped on namek' so that area is pretty off limits to everyone

goten gets along really well with android 17. they both have a love for nature and 17s kind of like his chill uncle, so whenever he gets too stressed out or just needs a break you can find him face down on the ground outside of 17's place on monster island.

goku is really really good at remembering completely random shit. bulma uses this to her advantage whenever she's working and has him memorize random technology stuff. a week later goku can not remember what he had for breakfast that morning but as soon as bulma asks "hey do you remember what i told you last week" hes like "oh yeah sure i have no idea what it means but [blurts out three hours worth of technical garble]"

oh boy is this a headcanon that has a lot more depth to it than just a bullet on a tumblr post, but gohan has DID!

goku, like vegeta, doesnt get labels either, and does not even Try, ask him about any of it and hes like "i dont get the gender thing but i think lots of people look nice :)" gohan is gay and like vegeta, "debatably a man", goten + chichi are both bi nonbinary, & pan is a lesbian trans woman.

both:

bulla and pan are both into music! i think theyd mess around making their own stuff w/ launchpads

i have a general hc of ki mixing or shielding, essentially, if youre close enough to someone people wont be able to tell apart your ki and you can also 'shield' someone with your ki for a small amount of time. if vegeta has his energy low, his and bulma's energy are the same. same thing with goku and chichi! goten and trunks are near impossible to tell apart, and same thing with gohan and videl.

though goten and trunks are both protective over their younger siblings, gotenks is that protectiveness times a thousand. look at bulla or pan wrong for 2 seconds and you're going to have an angry gotenks in your face asking if you have any last words. i like to think that trunks and goten fused casually a lot, especially around the time where bulla and pan were young, so its basically goten and trunks own attachment to them PLUS gotenks' attachment to them as his own person combined.

i like to pretend end of z did not happen the way it did so uub, using nimbus, travels back and forth a lot. goku isn’t the only one who teaches him how to fight as goten, gohan and trunks all think of him like a little brother and love training with him!

fuck you letters to toriyama/toyotaro hot takes:

cell, as cool of a villian as he is, definitely should have had a creepier final form. or multiple- just something that really drives in the fact that he's made up of other's dna & fuckin ABSORBS people. also his first two forms should have had a different absorbtion method other than the tail thing (not the drinking thing thats fine) it just feels.   Weird. not good

it would have been far more interesting to keep the bitter attitude towards vegeta that future trunks had imo... in super trunks was going through a Lot granted but the fact tht he wasnt more confrontational to vegeta being a dick to him seemed kind of off considering his attitude in z i just.. think it would be interesting and far better if they had more of a back and forth 'family but lowkey hate each other' relationship

i dont want to rant about super so heres some super condensed takes, goku black arc specific because thats 90% of what ive seen of super:

mai is a fucking freak ass weirdo, why did they not just make another character to pair with trunks

trunks not flipping the fuck out at his timeline being erased feels... out of character. also trunks deserved the win against zamasu

future bulma did NOT need to die

trunks should have just stayed in the current timeline

please fucking let trunks and goten grow up. we SAW a version of trunks who looked 14 (history of trunks....) and the versions of goten & trunks we have r/n in super do not look 13/14 respectively what in the goddamn hell is going on in the character design department

super definitely should have taken place later down the line

supers version of bulma and videl look awful. why are they That stick like.

vegeta needs to kill frieza. just once.

fu has enough potential to be a very interesting mainline character and i am so sad he's not

i would actively enjoy a sdbh anime with more  budget that isnt just a promo anime and has a plot that makes sense... i think db should have more wild spinoffs

xenoverse deserved a better story that went FULL in on the 'what if' type of timelines- like they did in raging blast which is a FUCKING GREAT GAME

straight up lies:

dragon ball z is a good series

[tellthosewithpowersafeintower]

Autistic Bumlets HC’s

This is actually one of the first things I wrote but I’ve been nervous to post it. Anyway, I had so much fun writing this and love Bumlets so much

I might write more for this at some point if anyone’s interested with some more thoughts and I hope you enjoy! This is super long and kind of rambly but I had fun with all of this

Bumlets loves his cane

It has a really nice weight and he always needs to be fidgeting with something and he loves the feel it has when tapping it

It doubles as a stimmy and something to help him maneuver because Bumlets has no coordination

And he loves it

He also on an unrelated note had an injury that screwed with his foot when he was a kid

It bothers him more when its cold out and he relies more on the cane on bad pain days

He uses it as a selling point sometime

He and Crutchie joke around sometimes and mess with their crutch and cane together

They know things can be awful sometimes so they share lighter, goofy silly moments

Bumlets is really uncoordinated

He has a really hard time maneuvering around and controlling his movement when he’s walking

There’s this one table in the hall of the Lodging’s

It stayed in the same place but every day for three years the boy could not get by without knocking into it at some point

His proprioception is completely screwed

He loves dancing tho and he’s SO GOOD at it

He feels self-conscious sometimes bc like, he can do backflips and amazing dance moves but he can’t tell left from right all the time or the distance between objects and proceeds to knock into everything on his way anywhere

Absolutely LOVES dancing

He loves it

Plus dance is a more acceptable way to move your body than flapping your hands/rocking or whatever

At least with the newsies (who don’t really seem to care either way)

Bumlets loves being in motion

He had to work really hard as a kid to figure out how to coordinate his dancing movements. He spent hours trying to practice each step because he was so clumsy due to his brain function that even though he really freaking loved dancing it was really hard for him

He actually used the cane first when he was little to try and help push himself around when he struggled with dance moves he really wanted to do

He’s very proud of his dancing now

And he loves that he gets to show it with the boys he loves as family

He gets praised sometimes for being super expressive because he’s almost always smiling or showing something on his face. It can be really good for selling sometimes to have someone so that seems so open and friendly

Honestly tho Bumlets never knows what is happening on his face so if people ask he has no clue how to help

He has a hard time registering what his face is doing at all 

He can tell sometimes he’s smiling really widely when his face starts hurting but he feels pretty disconnected from his face most of the time and he’s really confused by how others can tell what is happening on people’s faces and what that is supposed to signify so easily

Like… how

Bumlets really doesn’t get idioms at all

He has a mental list of some of the phrases the other newsboys use

Even though sometimes he’ll slip up and get really excited and start grinning because he has a relevant point in response to that statement- but oh that’s a phrase/idiom or non-literal joke they didn’t actually mean that he should stay quiet

Plus English isn’t his first language

So things get really messy there too

There are so many little idiosyncrasies and quirks in different languages and they’re really hard to keep track of sometimes even if you don’t have autistic characteristics

His hair always stays down and he really likes the feel of it

He can’t stand the thought of getting a haircut

Plus having it long/hang down feels nice on the sensory end

He doesn’t like people touching his hair

Bad. Touch.

Bumlets doesn't like short pants bc if your going to wear pants they have to go all the way down

He doesn't like leaving just a section of skin exposed

It's gross!!

Baggy. Clothes.

He loves them

He very rarely slips up when he's dancing. Bumlets has rehearsed the motions for so many countless hours they feel natural at this point so he's generally in a pretty bad way when that does happen

When he gets excited he tends to start tapping his cane faster and his eyes light up

He can chatter away for hours about things he's interested in without pause or losing enthusiasm

Bumlets can be pretty oblivious

He has a hard time telling when people are upset or emotional

Hyperempathetic as frick

Internally panics and screams the whole time anyone is upset bc he isn't sure what he's supposed to do but he Loves Them

Hypersensitive to touches but loves hugs

He is a very physical person bc he loves showing affection but some days touch is just Bad

Can't do surprise touches very well

Espec from certain people

He has a hard time supporting his weight (he just sways faintly a lot but has no idea, can't tell if he's in motion) so he uses his cane for support

It helps him a lot

And he likes something to try to use to catch him if he stumbles a little

Plus itsa stimmy

He tends to shut down if noises and lights become way too much

Like this: 

Duck behind a statue for a moment to breathe

also

tap tap tap and finger thing I can’t get my body to cooperate to do

He has a few places he goes when he's overwhelmed

Very rarely completely shuts down but it's always incredibly exhausting

The first time he did it around the newsies he just collapsed and slept for hours afterwards

He didn't move like at all in his sleep which freaked them all out because Bumlets always seemed to be doing something + he slept for like a whole day

The boys worried about him

Bumlets was a lil sleepy and sheepish when he woke up but good

Used his cane extra that day

The newsies are super great

They don't always understand but they try really hard and love him to death

There aren’t really a lot of words to help him explain things because it is 1899 but they all make it work, and if the kids can sell papes and live with the rest of them they have been absorbed into their crazy weird family and will be fought for

They've become pretty good at noticing signs for when he's getting overwhelmed

Usually someone will grab him and take him out to rest if he’s not in a space to just go himself

Different people do different things but he loves them all

Some of the boys will just have quiet conversations with Bumlets one-on-one about things he loves when he's more coherent

One just sits with him quietly supportive while he fiddles with stuff

He actually doesn't smoke a lot but he loves fiddling with cigars or messing with them in his mouth

Oral stim

He used to use them a lot more

He still uses them sometimes and has some around

One time after a really bad day (meltdown) Race gave him one of his cigars. He made him promise not to tell anyone but Bumlets was so happy he couldn't care less

He was very careful with said cigar bc it was from Race

So it was automatically important

He doesn't always understand Race cause he's super witty but he loves hearing him talk

Bumlets can be a really convincing liar. He's not the best but he can definitely pass and he kind of has to on the streets

Can be really loud

Rowdy boy, like the rest of the newsies

Adventurous as frick

Wild child

He’s super eager and almost always seen smiling

He’s excited by so many things

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other emotions because he definitely does

He feels like he just soaks up all emotions and dealing with them when he can’t understand is a mess

Skittery is great at listening even when Bumlets is past the point of words or even understanding how to put things into words

Doesn't always realize when things are supposed to be insults

Forgets he's supposed to take care of himself sometimes

He forgets he's supposed to eat and doesn't always realize if he's hungry or needs water

Exasperates Skittery and some of the boys but they try to remind him in case he doesn't remember

The newsies love him

He's awkward and nervous and doesn't understand things sometimes but really kind and cares very obviously about all of them

Appreciates the little things

He's good at noticing tiny details or inconsistencies others miss sometimes

While he’s friends are really great at helping that doesn’t mean he can’t fend for himself

He can definitely pick fights and hold his own and look after himself

His family is just their to help when things go sour

They don’t make him feel like he’s any less bc he’s “weird” or different

Skittery is incredibly close with him and helps him a lot

They’re So. Close.

Skittery helps keep track of things when his thoughts are more scattered

Bumlets is also very good at helping Skittery because he’s really smart with money and sorting things out

When he pushes himself too far sometimes Skittery is the exasperated friend who wants Bumlets to stop being an idiot and look after himself

He's really supportive and sometimes tugs him aside to help explain terms or phrases when Bumlets doesn't understand

Skittery also has a cane and they tussle a lot with them

Bumlets has always really loved that bc when they were starting it out it made him feel like he was one of them

They're almost always inseparable

And he has a hard time sometimes when he doesn't have Skittery because with Skittery things Make Sense 

When he's gone Bumlets is sad

He misses his friend

But the other boys are nice too and he loves them

He considers the newsies his family since he doesn’t really have his bio family anymore

[carnistcervine]

ATLA OC Concept

Okay, not to be a weirdo on main, but I've had this idea thing stewing in my brain for like, forever, and I'm dying to type it up and put it out there. ahjbfhjsjfr

So, this originally started out as a random idea of like, what if I gave a firebender Jolteon's volt absorb ability. And then it got dark. :'D

-He goes by "Joules", his real name is Davis Johannes, but well, he died and was revived in the ATLA world as a firebender.

-What happened was his friend was brutally murdered, and he ended up being wrongfully accused. There was no solid evidence to link him to the crime other than the fact that he  witnessed it, but the police couldn't find any other suspects and didn't feel like expending the effort to find the real culprit. He ended up on death row and being sent to the electric chair.

-He was innocent, and he knew he was innocent, but after the shock and pain of losing his friend and having the people he thought were allies turn against him, he gave up and didn't try to even defend himself. He only went to his end, saying that he was innocent.

-When the time came to fry him, his last words were: "So you get to fry an innocent man, I can only hope your satisfied with yourselves." He didn't cry, beg, or scream. He refused to give them the satisfaction.

-The sheer amount of anger and injustice he felt as of his death caused his soul to reach into the infinite void and something reached back, pulling him into ATLA's world.

-The force that pulled Joules into the other world also fused the electricity that killed him with his spirit. Infusing lightning into his very being. It revived him with the side effect of causing his very being to become one with lightning.

-When he first awoke, he found himself on a shoreline. But something was off, he was dead wasn't he? His skin kept burning, his newly revived form unable to handle the overflow of chi running through it. Lightning raced across his skin, his flesh sloughing off and regenerating simultaneously. His body felt hot, too hot. He tried to breathe, he coughed up blood, his lungs burning and melting on the inside. He tried to move, to crawl away from the waves lapping his skin. But his muscles weren't ready to move again. They seized and shuttered. He passed out.

-By the time he was found, his chi flow settled back down. However, it was weeks before he could walk or even just move normally again. Spending most of his time, shambling with stuttering movement. Like some kind of zombie. It was months before he could speak without stuttering strangely. His breath finally returning to normal patterns and not the stricken gasps of a dying man. The only sign that he had ever died is a faint, pink, fractal mark travelling up his arms and spine and over his heart. Even though his body has returned to a living state, the pain of death will never leave him.

-When he finally gets a chance to look at himself, he realizes that his appearance has changed. His hair is pitch black, his eyes are an electric yellow and he's awfully pale. While his face and body are mostly recognizable, he does notice subtle changes in them. It's a long time before he can look into his reflection without flinching.

-Despite a cool, unaffected persona, he is deeply haunted by the experiencing of being electrocuted. Sometimes when he's drifting off to sleep, he flashes back to the stutter of his dying heart and jolts back awake. Unable to sleep for hours. He often has nightmares of drifting, voiceless and paralyzed in a cold, dark void. He often finds himself sitting awake, unable to sleep because it reminds him of death.

-However, on the other side of the coin, he finds himself existentially tired. His soul feels heavy, no matter how much he sleeps, he cannot find rest.

-I kind of like to imagine that it's the Gaang that finds him and takes him under their wing. He just tells them bluntly that he was killed with lightning, and they believe him, but are shocked at how calm he is about it. Like he's angry and deeply disturbed, but at the same time he just... doesn't care?? He's not sure how to explain it.

-For a while he thinks that he's a non-bender. After all, he wasn't a bender in life, so why would he be one now?

-That changes when the Gaang comes across a lightning user. He sees the lighting headed for his newfound friends and on instinct, reaches out and grabs it. He blacks out the moment he touches it, the feeling of electricity coursing through his body sends his mind reeling. However, the lighting half of his being takes over. It grabs the lightning bolt and slings it back like it was merely a ball in a game of catch. The lightning scorches his/it's arm, but it doesn't react to the apparent pain the injury should be causing and merely charges at the enemy. Eyes alight, and glowing an intense purple, he throws electrified punches and kicks. The attacker tries to throw some lightning into his/it's back, but Joule's body simple absorbs the attack like it's barely anything. Sure, his flesh is burned by the initial impact, but electricity crackles over the wound and it regenerates?? The dude basically goes "Fuck dis shit I'm out" and peaces out of there. The Gaang cautiously approach Joules before his body suddenly just falls to the ground like a puppet with the strings cut.

-Joules comes to, to a thoroughly freaked out Katara healing his arm. The group basically interrogates him about his whole lighting powers thing, and he has no knowledge nor memory of what their talking about.

-While Joules is technically a firebender, he is unable to mix his internal energies to make fire. He's basically lightning or bust. However, the feeling of electrical energy traveling through his body is triggering for him, making him unable to generate lighting willingly. At first.

-With the guidance of a firebending master, Joules does eventually learn how to firebend properly. However his chi/elemental absorption ability is limited to just lightning.

-Joules is basically half technically undead firebender and half lightning bolt.

-On particularly bad days, the skin on Joule's arms and chest will itch, burn, and blister. The pain often gets so bad that Joules will claw at his own flesh until it bleeds.

-Until he learns to better control the electrical energy within him, Joules would often accidentally shock people he comes into contact with. Not bad enough to injure, but more like a nasty static shock.

-The way that Joules lightning absorption works is that he essentially takes the lightning and converts it into chi. Though, his ability does have limits. He's basically like a human battery, if batteries could be powered by lightning strikes. After a certain point he gets "full" and cannot contain the energy anymore. When this happens he violently discharges the electricity with multiple bolts flying off his body and into random nearby targets.

-His ability also isn't perfect, as he is hurt by the lightning that hits him. However, his body also uses the lightning to heal itself with the cost being that the more strikes he takes, the more confused and disorientated he becomes.

-Sometimes when shit just becomes too much for him, the lightning just takes over and tries to zap whatever is bothering him into submission. Like he's possessed by lightning itself.

-As hard as he tries, Joules simply cannot generate lightning the normal way. It keeps flaring up around his arms and spiking his hair when he's upset.

-While the Gaang(Katara especially bc she's team Mom) tries to be sympathetic towards Joules on his bad days. They don't really get a lot of his quirks, and his issues with using his element/bending. Though Aang understands post his own encounter with lightning. Allowing the two of them to meditate together and help each other through the trauma of not only dying to that element, but also being revived from death. True death.

-Especially with how no matter how much you physically recover, the pain of death never leaves you.

-Also, the Fire Nation totally wants to get their hands on poor Joules, bc potential weapon. In fact, Joules has to be very careful in general, because a frightening amount of people see him and all they see is a weapon to be used. A tool to be exploited.

IDK I just really wanted to explore the idea of someone who died and was revived by an element. It just seems like a really interesting concept to me. I might do some general headcanons for the other elements, but this is all for now. :D

[bangtancity]

TOP TEN MARKSON MOMENTS

Long post ahead y’all but this was a lot of fun to go back and reminiscence about markson and their antics together. I hope all of y’all enjoy! 

Also, please remember that these are my own personal opinions and that they shouldn’t be taken literally or seriously. But if you ever wanna come talk markson with me, I’m always ready :) ((Note: All gifs should be linked directly but videos and pictures with have physical links above them because I’m not sure how to link those to their respective tumblrs– if your post is here and you want your content removed bc you don’t like the linking, msg me and I’ll take it down.)) I’m a litlle late but here we go!!

1. This was one of the ones I already had in mind ;) I just love it bc it’s such a weird situation to be in but Mark, ever the gentleman, just takes it in stride and keeps his hands to himself. I love how near Jackson gets to Mark and if that isn’t the simplest testament of how (pun coming) close they are, I don’t know what is. In all honesty, if Mark really wanted out, a simple hand on the back or a squeeze on the shoulder or even just shifting out of the way would have sufficed but he stays and although his face is stoic, his eyes are constantly on Jackson. LOVE IT!

(Make sure to click the gif to see the whole gif post!)

2. SOFT!! My heart always swells a bit when I see this picture!! It’s natural and pure and they’re both enjoying this moment and it’s evident on their faces. I personally think jumping around puts a smile on most peoples faces and if other people, friends, are doing it with you, then there’s no way that isn’t going to make you shine. SO, jumping+BFF+concert adrenaline+love= BIG A__ SMILES !! Oh they’re also cuties so there’s that factor too.

LINK: http://fyeahmarkson.tumblr.com/post/136342100342

3. TBH I GOT DISTRACTED WITH THIS ONE AND REWATCHED THIS SECTION OF THE REAL GOT7– anyways…THIS IS PROBS MY ALL-TIME FAVE, THAT I FORGOT ABOUT. So the whole episode itself was hilarious with got7 and we got some markson moments sprinkled in but THIS, THIS takes the cake. I mean who doesn’t want to see their otp get this close to kissing? I love Mark’s hands cradling the back of Jackson’s head. I’d like to believe that Jackson stretched his neck up a bit more when Mark touched the other side of the paper but I’m not sure in this gif bc its quick (maybe I’ll add another one after I publish this). Like omg still can’t believe this happened though :D

4.  Ok all the Got2Day Vapp stuff was gold and I loved the fact that we got to see everyone but of course my faves Mark and Jackson had the best one ;) It was cute and relaxed and I just love them in light/soft colors. Also #no#personal#space !! The video is just a short moment but it is super cute and I love them smiling at eachother bc heart palpitations~ OH but the second gif is MY FAVORITE bc it’s Mark just watching Jackson talk and he just looks so content and caring and its just one of those moments ok

(Make sure to click the gif to see the whole gif post!)

LINK: http://marksonforlife.tumblr.com/post/152683520387/jackson-lays-on-the-table-and-mark-laughs 

5. I could rant FOR YEARS about this but idk if tumblr has a character limit or no.. BUT SERIOUSLY THIS IS JUST ICONIC!! It was actually the 1st to pop into my mind bc it was my icon (no joke for that one sorry) for a month I think? ANYWHO, I just straight up love this. They’re close. Jackson’s shirtless. Said Jackson is pressed along Mark’s backside. Said Mark is very very very smiley. Like Jackson could’ve chosen someone else- JB was kinda close I think- but he chose bae and got all up in bae’s business. And the fact that he’s partially restraining Mark? Keeping him flush with his body and leaning in to talk to him? My heart cannot keep up, this some tachycardia **** right here omg seriously!! Is it hot for anyone else in here or is it just them? *wink* 

PICTURE LINK: http://bangtancity.tumblr.com/post/149470443176/fyeah-markson-please-tell-me-again-that-markson

VIDEO LINK 1: http://marksonforlife.tumblr.com/post/149317913961/shirtless-jackson-hugging-mark-from-behind

VIDEO LINK 2: http://marksonforlife.tumblr.com/post/149277241258/two-angles

6. GO WATCH THE VIDEO PLEASE. Like the caption is spot on in my mind and I couldn’t agree more on the fact that it looked like Jackson was going to do something intimate and then he hesitated and looked at the camera!! UGH. seriously a fave moment bc its like what were you gonna do? huh?! You can’t not agree with the fact that that boy was playing around behind Mark. And then there’s Mark’s small smile and that little thing he does with his mouth, which reminded me of someone keeping a smirk in check. Oooooh there’s def something going on there and I wish I knew what it was!!

LINK: http://marksonforlife.tumblr.com/post/151033384652/i-already-posted-this-but-ill-post-it-again

I couldn’t find a gif of this video D: but I found some others from the same video (they’re faves but this ^^^ moment is the one I really cared for)

7. ANOTHER VIDEO!! 9/10 markson shippers should remember this badboy right here. I don’t even remember what video this moment came from but even if I see a still I freak out bc this is literal gold. One of the best shows of touchy!Mark and cuddly!Jackson ever. Seriously, Mark kept putting his hands on Jackson and moving subtly, and then he even has the nerve to lean into Jackson further to whisper something-BOY!! And then there’s Jackson who decides it’s perfectly ok to rest his head on Mark’s chest all casual like he’s done it a thousand times before. And one moment I really love to see is Jackson noticing Mark playing with J’s bracelet, looking at him, and then Mark moves his hand away so quickly like he’s been caught. its cute. don’t fight me on this. Also I got newly-dating vibes from this: not sure how much actual touching is safe, leaning into one another, glued at the hip, private jokes. Markson or never ;) I’ll add a gif when I find one!

(Make sure to click the gif to see the whole gif post!)

LINK: http://awesomemeowww.tumblr.com/post/128284251380/markson-httpifttt1hebms6

8. This picture satisfies like 3 things from my otp goggles-on checklist: smiling towards the other, touching, and suggestive posturing. Don’t tell me that this doesn’t look like Jackson’s about to pull Mark in and plant one on him! The positioning of Jackson’s hands make me wanna punch something bc who puts their hands there unless its for a headbutt or a kiss?? And lemme tell you that I’m 99% sure that he’s not about to headbutt Mark. (ALSO ARMS 4 DAYS JACKSON OVER HERE #hot hot hot) Back to the smiling and touching and pose- they’re close for one thing, and then Mark’s about to go into hug mode, there’s full eye contact going on, and what a beautiful smile!! It seems so loving and happy that I just can’t deal with them rn. I have a link to a gif, Jackson jumping into Mark’s arms :) , so I’ll add that in later!

PHOTO LINK: https://dani-okem.tumblr.com/post/160701529358

9. Ok but I really think they fit together so well sometimes~ Like their heights aren’t monumentally different but it’s enough that they look good together. SO there’s that sly BUTT tap and then the blessed hand moves up to the lower back (i like ur style boy) and eventually falls off the waist when they stop in front of the fans. Mark is totally guiding Jackson here and it seems like he’s 100% a-ok with it. Oh and there’s definitely some smiles going on here! I wish we had more concerts but the fanmeets are still great but there’s something about concerts that really let otps shine.

(Make sure to click the gif to see the whole gif post!)

10. VIDEO— ITS THE FINAL ONE Y’ALL AND ITS A FAVE BC I’VE BROUGHT IT UP A FEW TIMES. (lol I still get pissed every time I remember that I posted the screenshots on my old baeksoo account instead of this one but oh whale:) ) anyways I just love love love this bc it was so fleeting but so memorable. I know Mark was running around messing with everyone during this time (and that he did something similar to JB) but this was something special for Jackson. There was NO SPACE between them and their heads were so so so close. And then there were lots of giggles and smiling and DID YOU NOTICE THAT JACKSON HITCHED HIS LEG UP WHICH IN TURN BROUGHT MARK’S LEG HIGHER AND BY DEDUCTION, THEIR HIPS CLOSER?? bc I did. bc I know that. and it’s true. AND THEN AS MARK (the little tease) LEFT, JACKSON TRIED TO KEEP HIM THERE!! GRABBED AT HIS WAIST!!  I just want to know what on earth was going through Mark’s head when he decided to go and lay flush against his group member. seriously tho. but 11/10 would recommend them recreating this, in the presence of a solid 1080p filming camera preferably. 

PIC LINK: http://bangtancity.tumblr.com/post/144433607756/ss-baeksoo-you-can-see-that-jackson-brought-up

VIDEO LINK: http://awesomemeowww.tumblr.com/post/127118208761/jackson-doesn-t-want-mark-to-leave-so-he-was-about

[brunchbitch]

how was therapy this week? can you post a b and k update?

therapy was good! i’ll start with monday:

with brandon, i started out talking about seder that night and how i was nervous about the red meat so i asked J if i could bring something for myself. brandon asked why i was scared of red meat and i said fat/calorie-wise it’s a scary food for my ED and he said “well don’t you eat ice cream?” which made me feel really really guilty and ashamed of eating ice cream. i didn’t say anything to him in the moment but i did bring it up in our friday session and i think he could partially understand why that was hard for me.

we talked about him going away next week (he’s gone for a week and a half) and how nervous i am about it, but how ashamed i feel that it’s going to be hard for me bc i feel like i “shouldn’t” struggle that much with a therapist going away for only a week and a half. he asked if i know anyone else who would be upset about their therapist going away and i said no, i don’t know anyone who is as attached to their therapist as i am. i said that even my best friend kind of invalidated how i feel about him bc i said to her once “and i just love him so much” and she was like “that’s concerning, you shouldn’t say that about your therapist” and i was really hurt by it. i said “i just mean that i care about him a lot” and she was like “that’s better” and it just made me feel so so so ashamed and like i’m just a freak. brandon said “that must’ve been really hard, her kind of leaving you alone with that. one of the techniques in bohus’s protocol is that when you’re dealing with issues that come up bc of a prior traumatic concept or experience, and you’re dealing with disgust, embarrassment, shame, guilt, the cluster of those four - there are some techniques for validating that in yourself, owning that there are good reasons that it’s there, and then there are other techniques for helping yourself move on. we could validate why it is that you tend to attach so intensely to therapists, we both know there are good reasons for that, so there’s some self validation you could do around that. there’s this other aspect i hear you saying that you don’t want to be entirely comfortable with it. is that what you mean?” 

i said “yeah. things would just be so much less painful if i didn’t attach to therapists so much.” he said “well, it’s a goal. in it’s best, therapy can help people have deep intimate satisfying relationships; this is in service of that. and along the way it gets deep and intimate, so i think we should just treat it as a step on the way to something. bc i think this is an area where you both enjoy aspects of the closeness and the specialness, and then at the same time there’s this other reaction of embarrassment, shame, disgust. is there something you could say to encapsulate both sides? like some little mantra or something you could use when you feel only one thing or the other?” i asked him for an example bc i was struggling with coming up with one. he said “’i’m really appreciative that brandon has listened and gotten as close as he has to me AND i worry about how that is seen by other people and don’t know if i can have that kind of closeness with anybody else.’ or just generalizing it to therapists may be easier. ‘i really have needed the closeness i’ve had with my therapists and at times find it a great comfort AND in other times, i’m really aware of how difficult it is for me to have that kind of closeness in other relationships.’” he asked me to say something self validating about that closeness, what it’s meant to me, why i’ve needed it so much.

i replied “it didn’t really feel like i had someone like that when i was really young - someone i could trust and i could be myself around. but i’m justifying it. i feel like i shouldn’t feel that way, like my parents are wonderful and loving and i had an amazing nanny for most of my life who was always there and affectionate and everything.” he said “is all that the same as someone seeing your experience? you mentioned a bunch of things about these other people, but i don’t see that the same as someone really seeing or getting your experience.” i said that gillian was the first person in my life who i felt really saw my experience.

he said “so this reminds us that there’s lots of good reasons why you’ve needed therapists the way that you have. what about the other side? the part that makes you uneasy? if you can say it without something self critical or judgmental, but just describing what part of it makes you uneasy.” i replied “because… they’re not someone that i can always have. they’re not someone i can contact whenever. they’re someone i’m paying to listen to me. they’re someone who doesn’t get to really be present in really important moments of my life. they’re someone who feels like they don’t have a choice of being in my life or not.” he said i did a good job of looking at both sides. 

this whole time i was avoiding his gaze and he tried to get me to look at him for a while. he said “if you want to change the script of shame, we can’t battle for 15 minutes every week about whether you’re gonna look at me or not. when you’re in the past, recounting what happened in the past, what you have to do is look at your therapist to ground in the here and now. that was then, this is now. this is where i am right now. i am in this office with this person. it’s not when that happened in the past. and it’s about discriminating then versus now. so every time in here when i say ‘look up!’, i’m trying to help you not go right back to where you always go with this stuff. when i say ‘look up’, it’s not that i don’t know you’re in a moment of shame and pain in that. i do see that of course. but it’s that i’m trying to meet you there to lift yourself out of it. and it’s really a choice that you either make or don’t make to allow yourself to be met right there.”

at the end of the session, he said “the whole principle [of maintaining eye contact] is that sometimes it’s through another person’s gaze that we know ourselves. it’s the basic principle of attachment. none of us know each other except through other people’s gazes at us. that’s how you mentalize. how well you mentalize yourself is largely dependent on how other people mentalized you early in life. so you know there are some parts of you that aren’t so well known to yourself yet. that’s kind of bc nobody went after that stuff with you when you were a kid. your parents, for good reasons, couldn’t or wouldn’t look at all of that. literally didn’t see what was happening and certainly didn’t see how it was for you. so part of the overcorrection to all of this shame is to practice seeing yourself again through someone else’s eyes as you talk about this really loaded stuff.” 

that last part really touched me and helped me understand why he tries so hard for me to make eye contact with him. 

in my friday session:

we talked more about the difficulty with eye contact. he asked me why it’s so hard. i said “i think i just don’t like facing or owning what i’m talking about it. if i’m making eye contact it’s almost like i’m confident about what i’m saying, which i’m not, which is why the shame is to look away. and i think the connection is hard, the emotion in your eyes is hard to see and i think i’m just much more comfortable in the shame and the avoidance.” (brandon holds a lot of emotion in his eyes and he will often tear up.) he said “bc when you see the emotion in my eyes, what happens?” i said that “on the one hand, it makes me feel “special”, but on the other hand, when i’m trying to talk about something that happened, it’s easier to pretend that i don’t feel anything about it. it is what it is. i’m not upset or mad or hurt. so to see someone else having emotion about it, that’s uncomfortable. and i think maybe sometimes i feel bad that you’re sad about it. seeing someone reacting to what happened when, at the time, nobody was seeing it is hard. validating, but hard.”

he said “it sounds like there’s fear in seeing the effect you have on others - what your emotions can do to someone, what your experiences can do to someone else. there’s something here about being seen as you’re reviewing these experiences, or even current ones, that cause an emotional reaction in someone else, that someone else resonates with empathically, that’s maybe too close for comfort.” he also said “there’s a way [with the gaze] that you control the level of closeness. there’s a level at which you control what you let in about someone else’s experience of you. there’s a way that you sometimes go and use behaviors to not think about or have feelings about someone else’s experience of you.”

i shared the journal entry about J and how jealous i am that she has skills coaching with him and that i’m sure that he cares about her more.

me: “she has skills coaching so you think about her more and she has a closer connection with you”B: “is that what it means to have skills coaching?”me: “i think that’s the result.”B: “maybe that’s what it means to you but for me it doesn’t mean that. so how is it that it means that for you?”me: “i’m not sure if you remember this but pretty soon after i had intersession contact taken away, at the beginnings of sessions you would say the ways in which you thought about me that week”B: “i remember that”me: “and that was really helpful bc i think you knew that not having the contact and not having the skills coaching in my mind meant that you never thought about me”B: “i did and i do” (aww i totally didn’t catch what he meant by this in the session)me: “and so when i hear that someone has skills coaching, in my mind i hear that you think about them more bc they reach out to you and you help them through something and you’re there for them in that moment of panic, of fear, you’re more available. and you don’t really witness from afar those moments with me anymore.”B: “so there is a real difference there, i can see that part of it. but you seem to be taking it to mean a difference in caring or value. i don’t see that part. so how do you get there? bc it would kind of imply that whoever i’m skills coaching the most is the person i care about the most. i don’t see that. how do you get there?”me: “bc you’re seeing them in their vulnerable places, you’re helping them get through it, you’re holding their hand through it, and i feel like you would care much more about someone that you’re doing that with than someone who you see twice a week but are not talking to them when they’re really struggling. for me, part of the reason why i struggle so much when friends move away is bc i feel so disconnected from them if i’m not seeing them, talking to them all the time, hanging out.”B: “contact matters. the amount, the frequency, the nature.”me: “so in my mind, if you’re in more contact with someone, you’re closer to them, you care about them more.”B: “right. the more you talk about it, i can see how that is for you. it’s the world that you live in. this is how you have known much of the time that people care. but you see, it really is different for me that way. bc i can see how for you it’s an expression of caring. for me it’s a matter of what the recommended treatment plan is for someone. there’s an element of thinking through what’s best for someone. what do you think about that?”

me: “i think it’s just hard bc i really struggle outside of here, like i still have moments when i am really having a hard time”B: “and how could i say what’s best for you is to not have access to me in those moments.”me: “yeah. i think especially with intrusive thoughts and nightmares, like those are really hard to get through and there’s so many moments where i’m like ‘i really wish i could have help right now’.”B: “a lot of those for you relate back to earlier events. so you’d like some more help with those specific things.”me: “yeah.”B: “well i’m gonna consider whether what we need to do is more of the full protocol.” [for a moment i thought that he was maybe reconsidering letting me have skills coaching again around the ptsd stuff but i don’t think he was and now i’m really disappointed and sad]me: “what does that mean?”B: “there may be use to doing it just as more of a procedure, not having it quite as amorphous for you or not knowing what to expect or what it means. there may be some use in just laying it out more as a protocoled procedure, like that it has this many sessions to it and this is how we proceed, these are the steps, this is what we do, and then we’re done. the other way to do it which is how i’ve been thinking about it is to kind of weave it into our sessions in a less protocoled way but still a principle driven way. but it sounds like you’re saying it would be kind of nicer to have something clear to hang onto here about how you can be helped with these particular symptoms. that may be what we need to do, over a series of sessions and really kind of walk you through the homework that would be required, through the practice, and then the exposure. that’s a big undertaking. we have to assess your capability for it so these other things have to be holding stable, like the eating. you have to be medically stable enough to do it and have ways for managing it and doing self exposure outside of sessions. but i want to say kudos to you for bringing this up and telling me basically ‘this is something about us, about our relationship’, that you’re directly bringing up and saying ‘this really bothers me’ and that’s right in line with what i think you need to be doing. and it’s not pleasant. how are you feeling right now? you don’t look comfortable. can you say something about that?”me: “this is still hard for me to talk about. it’s embarrassing and i’m kind of angry at myself for it.”B: “for what?”me: “for not being able to challenge that you care even though i don’t have skills coaching, being jealous of somebody else who has it. it’s really uncomfortable to feel and it’s hard for me to challenge.”B: “can you look up? this is part of preparing you for exposure stuff if we do it more formally, bc it’s about not shutting down, having to look at something uncomfortable. so you can walk out of here and be like ‘ugh why am i so needy, why am i so fucked up in this way, why can’t i challenge this’. instead, a skill that’s important for any exposure work is to be able to take an experience like this that has two pieces to it - parts of it you don’t like and parts of it that you need to self validate. that’s skills 101 for exposure of this nature. take something this uncomfortable, observe and describe it, and then as you feel disgust and shame and guilt and all that stuff floating over you, trying to say ‘okay yes that stuff is there but what else is there?’ try to build that voice inside you that can say ‘oh yeah. it kinda makes sense.’ so this is a great opportunity to actually practice that right now sitting out in the lobby. so if we’re gonna do the protocoled treatment, it might be something to think about doing for the summer before you’re back to school. if everything is holding steady.”

i only have one session left with him (monday) before he goes away for a week and a half. i don’t want him to go away. i’m scared he won’t come back.

[bytheanchorarchived]

headcanons compilation  ↬  alexander lightwood

a compilation of my scattered/posted (so far) alec lightwood headcanons. i will be updating this as i post more.

i don’t think jace realizes how much of alec’s self worth was always knit so tight to him. how deep the pain of his unrequited feelings really run. how it actually feels when jace starts to reject him (from his pov).

vampire academy au

drabble: alec and telling magnus he doesn’t need permission to be in his space

alec’s fantasy is

alec: top intelligences

alec and not being as KIND or COMPASSIONATE as u might think

alec’s kink is to be loved by a cute boy.

i just really like the idea of clary and alec learning to be friends, care for each other, learn from each other, and learn to share jace and share in their love for him and eventually in their friendship.

do you ever cry about the fact that most probably almost all the runes on jace’s left side were put there by alec?

jace didn’t always have perfect control over his extra strength, specially since he was used to training only with valentine, who was an adult at the time, which evened the field. when he first started training with alec and izzy he sometimes went too hard on them. izzy complained but alec never did, and would  if needed hide any markings left, because he didn’t want jace to feel bad about it, and because he wasn’t about to admit he couldn’t take it from a kid almost two years younger than himself. 

things alec wants: magnus casually touching him.

not feeling like a good person is something that both alec and jace carry for different reasons, and in two people that are so moral and were raised in such a lawful and righteous environment, that is an awfully dark weight to carry.

one of alec’s greatest pleasures is being around magnus after they said their i love you’s, because he never experienced before the freedom of being with someone he loves while being open about it, and  as a result, getting to experience the rush of knowing they’re aware of his feelings and still wanna be there. just touching magnus, or kissing him, or being around him, while aware of all of this, makes a ridiculously huge difference.

ok, listen. alec learned how to treat, talk, and deal with, help, someone after strong trauma, growing up with jace. growing up with jace, he learned that you don’t just touch someone that is going through an episode because of abuse/trauma or other strong case of overwhelming emotion. he learned that unwanted affection can be just as bad as violence, or indifference, and that the BEST thing he can possibly do is let the other person know he’s there, and let them tell him what they need. alec never goes straight to jace physically, when he’s upset, unless he initiates it, or jace gives him a clear indication of what he needs (indication that to parabatai that grew up together can be just a look of permission). he RESPECTS the fact that his need to help the people he loves, should not, is not, and will never be more important than what that person needs or wants. he respects the fact that he DOESN’T know what a person with trauma needs better than themselves, and he knows that even silent support, or just making sure the person is safe, can make a huge difference. he accepts and understands the fact that someone during or after a traumatic event, or traumatic memories of that event, might not WANT or be able to HANDLE affection at all, and he’s ready to give it only, and only if, the person indicates that’s what they need. this has been demonstrated in the way he took care of isabelle while she was detoxing. this has been shown again with magnus. this has been shown with jace again on the roof. his own sensibility allowed him to learn this, and it’s what makes jace trust him so much. jace TRUSTS alec to be there for him, because he KNOWS alec won’t push him, or overwhelm him, or even so much as touch him without permission. and sometimes, though not always, just to know that he can have this small power and agency over his own body and what happens to it, and who touches it, and how, can be enough to wind him down a notch.

lowkey both alec and jace are oddly attracted to magnus’ lack of belly button.

alec really likes magnus’ hands.#he likes kissing them#touching them#holding#having them on his face#on his body#i mean

listen, magnus hands are magical, powerful, and so, SO kind, gentle, and hard working, and alec feels gratefulness and profound admiration.

listen, alec comes home from magnus all glittery, with lipstick marks, bed hair, and hickeys. he nuzzles magnus and likes to be touched all over, and doesn’t even realize he’s getting himself all shiny until someone points it out to him and he’s ‘ wh-wh-WHAT’ blushing mess. that happens bc alec doesn’t have the habit of looking at himself in the mirror at all. p sure he just goes about his business with his head down and thinking about a million things and never even lifts it, much less pays attention. after all, the boy that doesn’t even brush his hair, wouldn’t notice any of those on himself.

alec lightwood is a family man, a father, big brother, son, parabatai and a husband, before anything else and that’s what makes him the happiest.

i feel like jace passes by the bane-lightwood residence once in a while just to clean, because if he didn’t, between alec and magnus they’d drown in the mess.

tbh i actually think the beverage alec would like the most is wine, i have this headcanon that the institute and idris have the european tradition of wine at the dinner table, and the kids would be allowed to have a small glass as they grew up. it’s the one he’s more used to, and he likes it some because it feels like family and reminds him of home even if it’s a memory blur of the institute and his few scattered memories of alicante. it’s the one he knows a little more about too.

alec spent so many years controlling himself that he doesn’t have a quick trigger at the start. he keeps holding his body down subconsciously and has to remind himself he can let go, it might not even happen the first time he’s more intimate with someone. he spent years hating every little natural reaction on his body, training himself against it, and it takes him a while longer than an usual boy his age to physically manifest his arousal, to allow himself to. it becomes more natural as he feels safe and more used to the relationship.

also, i think that’s what people find so funny in the book (and by people i mean other characters) when alec is like “clary is one of my best friends” ? because they’re like, you couldn’t care less about her five minutes ago. but that’s the THING about alec, once he takes you under his wing, he does and it’s finished. it doesn’t matter what he thought before because once you’re one of them, you’re one of them, to alec and he’ll keep you safe with his life.

another example of this is when clary hears alec comforting izzy after simon is turned into a rat, and she’s crying and like, HE COULD HAVE DIED, and alec is like, very patiently saying, so what if he had? and izzy is like I WOULD HAVE- and he’s like “you would have continued to do what you always did and lived your life as usual.” and clary says he sounds like he’s done this many times before and not once does she says he sounds worried for simon or the other boys or that isabelle seems to get a lot of people in trouble, because SHE is not in trouble. alec. lightwood. doesn’t. care. he’s super lovely to izzy but not once he worries about simon, at that point.and YET, later on, when simon has saved their lives and stuff in cog, he DOES worry about him, when the clave takes him. so you see what i’m saying here?

talking to nanda @magnusbanedfromperu and headcanon that once they’re older, starting with alec after he adopts max, maryse teaches all her three children to cook, so they can cook for her grandchildren.

the truth is, ale.c head of the instit,ute would never work. he was already forced to choose between his family and the clav.e and he’ll continue to be. you can’t be against the system, while also answering to the system and representing it. if he truly wants to educate shadowhunt.ers, he can’t be liable by the cl.ave for his every move. if he always has to compromise to keep his position, if that is more important  — keeping the title — than working for change, then his hands will always be tied. at the end of the day he’ll live a hypocritical, limited, life.

when ale.c is like that but with kids he brings home and mag.nus is HOW DID WE GET ANOTHER CHILD. and al.ec just……………………………………. i saw them, they’re ours now.also, actually i was gonna say this before and thought it sounded mean but it’s just alec, alec is really like: they’re my child now, you don’t need to pitch in, but if you want to be their father with me i will love you even more for it. however, regardless of anything, they’re mine now and i will take care of them for the rest of my life.

do you ever think about isabelle and jace pranking alec and giggling in the corner?

alec.lightwood.doesn’t.see.people.as.their.sexuality.doesn’t.see.himself.as.his.sexuality.doesn’t.give.a.shit.what.your.sexuality.is.only.what.you.do.doesn’t.hate.people.because.of.their.sexuality.doesn’t.exist.for.that.

listen those blue jammies were alec’s once, bc maryse bought them to match his eyes, only alec didn’t like them so much because they were too bright, and so she gave them to jace, which is why neat-freak jace sleeps in clothes that have a hole in it. bc alec made it and they were alec’s jammies.

show headcanons

now all i can think about is that alec still had conflicted feelings after kissing magnus, and that when he snaps at him and says “after everything i did for you” that he’s actually screaming that at jace, like seeing jace on magnus, specially considering how tortured he is. as though, “after everything i did for you, you still left me, you left me and made me stay back and protect everyone when all i wanted was to go with you.” it’d also mesh well with what he says in his ‘apology’, about how not having jace around makes him confused and feeling as though he can’t stand on his own. that part of him is hurt that jace left, even if he rationally knows he did it for them, he’s still furious he went without putting up a fight, because he knew what that would cause to alec, how it’d kill him, but alec still had to be strong and protect everyone else, specially clary from going after them. when what he wanted was to run after jace, himself.

bc him saying that to magnus makes no sense we can even see that in magnus face he’s outraged like wtf u talking about alexander bc alec did do the wedding thing for himself and everything else magnus has done was to help him even if alec didn’t want him in the end he’d still want to help him, so alec’s outburst was confusing and makes no sense but if you look at it from this point of view of him being frustrated and nearly through a panic attack and feeling betrayed and like he can’t trust anyone and no one will LISTEN to how he FEELS and how BAD it is and his head just shifts into jace and all the crap they’ve been through in s01 and he snaps at the wrong person bc he feels like he’s going to burst from it all

alec / izzy and the demon possession / yin fen

“ I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE SEX IN MY BOYFRIEND’S APARTMENT YET. HOW HAVE YOU?!?!?!!?!”

alec did feel it when jace tried to kill himself during the trial. in fact, he felt jace’s anguish and despair, and he got hit by it hard, which is what ultimately made him vulnerable for the demon possession and attracted it to him, in the first place. jace’s anguish through the bond knocked alec’s guard down and got him possessed.

alec was serene and happy earlier when he talked to magnus. he was worried about jace, but he was so certain jace would be back in an instant that he wasn’t tortured by it. sure the demon possessions were scary and all, but alec isn’t a scared little child, and he knows better than to let his guard down. he wasn’t vulnerable, he was feeling grateful to be alive, to have jace back, to have magnus.so why and how would the demon get in him? the most logic explanation is that jace was in such terror and pain and anguish that it seeped through the bond, and hit alec. which then, for my alec, drove his possessed self to clary’s room looking for her, where he found jocelyn instead.

what i really take into consideration about alec’s despair for finding jace, beyond the parabatai bond, beyond loving him so deeply, was that (mine, at least) alec had grown up hearing jace’s stories about his father. he grew up holding jace at night when he had nightmares. listening to incredibly awful stories told in a nonchalant tone because jace never even knew how bad it was; because he never knew any differently; listening to a little boy talk about his father with a fierce loyalty and love, when alec only felt stomach sick at the way he was raised, treated and beaten. jace literally thinks how he remembers looking for beating scars on his body after his father died, because those were the closest connections he had to him. and alec KNOWS this. he knows all of it. he knows exactly how jace was abused, how he feels about it, how vulnerable he is to valentine, and i think that of everything THIS is what scares him the most.

i think that when he was a little kid, he promised himself that he would NEVER let someone hurt jace like that again. and i think it really translates in his complete despair at not being able to find him. he knows more than anyone, almost as much as jace, what valentine is capable of. he knows intimately of the mental and emotional effects that has had on someone whose soul he has inside him. he KNOWS how this is gonna wreck jace apart, and it HURTS, because he swore he’d never let valentine(or michael) get his hands on him again and then it happened.

i’m sure i’m the slowest person on earth but i think i just maybe realized their intention with alec+jocelyn (i mean besides another wedge between fraywood). that alec’s rage brought him to clary’s room, to kill her, and found jocelyn in it, instead.+ i mean, i thought about it because before that we get that scene between clary and her mom, and there’s this pretty pointless comment of her saying she was guarding clary’s room, to make sure it was clear. it’d make sense? if izzy came for alec, because she focused years of resentment on him, alec does focused a lot of his resentment with himself on clary since she showed up.

ok. but seriously. this makes so much sense to me, and it’s my headcanon now. and now i’ve made myself sad. we got almost the entire first half of the episode reminding us of how alec’s annoyed by clary, doesn’t like her etc. then there was jocelyn’s comment that she was guarding clary’s bedroom. and i’m pretty sure some part of alec still irrationally, deep down, blamed clary for jace being through all the suffering he can feel his parabatai going through. valentine wouldn’t order jocelyn dead, specially when he hadn’t even got to talk to her yet. and while alec did have reasons to hate her, i.e. for what she did to jace, and how she used him too, she wouldn’t be his priority target. so what does make sense to me, was that he was looking for the daughter and found jocelyn instead, and it was good enough for the demon, given the circumstances. clearly i’m not saying alec wants clary dead, ofc not, much less to be the one to kill her, but just that his emotions would much more likely guide the demon towards her than her mother.

memory demon : “the one person you love the most.” /love/ the most. and while you could argue it was a sibling type of love (which is bullshit), alec’s reaction to it makes it clear that was not what that was, and he knew it wasn’t, and therefore could not possibly IMAGINE that someone would think it was something else, and not what he hated himself so much for. just like izzy knew. magnus knew. and clary knew. and jace did too at that moment. i just don’t get how someone can think that isn’t important. is alec falling in love with magnus? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY, but that doesn’t invalidate feelings he’s had before. it takes a while to work those kind of things out. he’s learning to love jace in a platonic way. i don’t know about anyone else, but, to me, you just don’t forget your first love, and everyone you’ve loved in fact, stays with you in one way or another. everything was done rushed-ly (though we know that was not their fault in season 01) so yES. alec WAS in love with jace still. at least my alec would always have been.just like camille is fucking important, and not dispensable, neither is jace to alec. their heartbreaks and unrequited love, are part of what make them finding each other so important. discarding that just actually cheapens their love, in my opinion.

malec fighting : i want magnus to drop his gentleness for once, and be the powerful, centuries old warlock around alec. i want  him to give alec a good shake (with words), so he realizes he can’t just shift back into treating magnus like “any other downworlder” that doesn’t belong in his business whenever he’s angry, scared, or upset. i loved that scene so much, but now i really wanted a confrontation that didn’t happen last time, when alec apologized instead, and magnus was sweet to him and that was great, but i wanted him to shake alec up a bit this time. like yes, he understands, but alec needs to understand too. that that was his family as much as it was alec’s. that alec can’t just be a shadowhunter, in business mode, that has no space for magnus whenever things get hard.

#ok#i see where you're coming from and all#but let me tell you about the word 'friend'#that fucking word#hurts so much#so fucking much#idk if that's the case here with magnus#but i can say that even watching that scene made me flinch#there is a world of conotations#of sweeping under the rug#of diminishing#of shaming#of dismissing#and of humiliation in that word#specially when it's said in the exact tone he said it#it actually hurt me to see it#it's a brutal word when said just right  X

there is a reason for why alec never sensed jace’s hook ups before, but jace felt it when alec and magnus first had something intimate with each other. the reason being that what jace felt and called happiness was actually a mix of intimacy, safety, yes, pleasure, but above all, love. since jace has never been in love before clary, and never had the chance to have something more with her, alec never felt the same from him. which is why it was a big surprise when he found out jace felt it, and it’s something he’s definitely to this day not entirely comfortable with. when clary and jace finally have their moment, alec will probably feel it too. it is certainly one of the reasons for his jealousy and pain in the first season, as he’s felt many things from 🇯🇦🇨🇪 towards girls before, but had never sensed him actually falling in love with someone else, until her.

people say alec is not affectionate enough but honestly to my alec those little touches are such an evolution??? just talking about my portrayal, personally, he was definitely more affectionate as a child, but ever since his gay thoughts™ started, he slowly stopped being freely affectionate to people. it started with jace, and then it extended to not initiating affection unless other people did for him. he’s JUST learning that it’s okay and he’s okay being who he is and he’s not gonna taint people just by touching them, or his close ones aren’t gonna find out he’s weird if they stand too close, or he’s not gonna give himself away if he lets himself be sensible and warm and let people in. that his love is not tainted. the fact that he’s initiating so many little gestures of affections is incredible to me. and i know the show doesn’t quite show how much of his struggle was due to homophobic society since that is so toned down in it, but his struggle was supreme, and to be this confident in himself, this comfortable, with greeting kisses and casual touching, that is amazing to me.

ok but look at his face. i know there’s this whole show thing where suddenly alec is the most confident person in the world, but that’s not how my interpretation will go. he’s not comfortable in this position, at all. he doesn’t even know if this is what he actually wants or just what his family imposed for him and he’s just used to it. he didn’t have the time to figure that out with jace having been head for less than 24 hours. at this point it feels like an obligation he can’t escape, and he feels wrong telling people what to do and being in this much exposition. he doesn’t like it. and he’s not even sure the job is for him.

ok but look at his face. i know there’s this whole show thing where suddenly alec is the most confident person in the world, but that’s not how my interpretation will go. he’s not comfortable in this position, at all. he doesn’t even know if this is what he actually wants or just what his family imposed for him and he’s just used to it. he didn’t have the time to figure that out with jace having been head for less than 24 hours. at this point it feels like an obligation he can’t escape, and he feels wrong telling people what to do and being in this much exposition. he doesn’t like it. and he’s not even sure the job is for him.

jalec headcanon hour: jace is able to, through their parabatai bond, activate alec’s runes for him without a stele, and at a distance, just like he does with his own.

i firmly believe alec is overcompensating on confidence and decision-making for having not done so the episode magnus was trapped inside valentine. that’s why he’s so“FINE”, with all of this. he KNEW something was wrong the moment he touched magnus to get him off the floor after azazel’s attack. but he didn’t trust himself, and if he had, and had been more involved, instead of accepting the clave’s authority, things would had been different. now he’s desperate to fix this however he can, prove himself not only as a protector but as DIFFERENT from the institution that did what they did to magnus, the downworlders, and so many other prisoners, and trust his gut. and just really hoping it won’t explode all on his face. pretty sure an anxiety attack is on the way when things get too big to handle. he’s much too young for this big a responsibility over so many lives. he might look all grown up but if clary is eighteen, that means he’s twenty one at best. and i feel like it’s often forgotten.

ok, but, good part of why it took my alec a while to realize the whole switch thing is he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop. aka people, including  magnus, to reject him.

for weeks after alec dies for a second, jace has repeated nightmares of re-living that scene, only alec never comes back and jace in the dream thinks reality is the illusion. it messes him up for a while, where he needs to touch alec to know he’s real and there and alive, and jace wakes up gasping and while he’s dreaming he at times chants the ‘please don’t leave me, alec’ hoping this time he will get to live. some times in those dreams alec is killed by wolves, or by valentine’s hand because jace refuses to obey. some times he wakes up with his parabatai rune burning.

[yourwildest-nightmare]

A little compilation of unfinished short stories

Lol so I’m probs never gonna finish these bc rejection is great and I need to somehow stop liking this guy, so I'm just gonna post these now even though they are no where near finished aha...

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“The Seasons of Your Love.”

It started before winter, when the world was turning cold and the trees were shrivelling in on themselves, retreating into their safehaven of peace and seclusion. I did not know it then, but as time went on I would learn to love you almost as much as I loved dying.

I will not lie, I had no idea of what was coming. When we first met the thought that I would love you did not even cross my mind. It was not until months later when the sudden realisation hit me; I was looking at you one second, and in the next you took my hand and we danced and it felt like I was flying.

I would love to say that our love begun in the golden glows of summer, where we accidentally ran into each other in the ice cream parlour and we talked for longer than ‘just friend’s’ would. But I cannot, because that isn't what happened. My love for you was not muddled with the warm connotations of the summer breeze, but rather it was entwined with the biting cold of winter. It consisted of late nights and school hoodies, of my hands being too numb to feel yours in mine, of our bodies huddled over the table in the dark, me wrapped in my blanket, you shivering assuring me you were fine as you tried to explain Chemistry to me. Ironic, I know.

You see, love knows no season.

My heart did not wait until 4th term to realise it’s feelings for you, but rather it realised it during the darkness and coldness of 3rd. Love cannot be rationalised. It is never simple nor reasonable, nor understandable. It is a mixture of confusion and chaos, keeping you up in the dead of night picturing his face in the torch light of your phone and remembering how perfect he looked. It is stuttering and being at a loss of words when he passes a comment your way when you pass each other on the stairs of the science block. It’s the way his laugh keeps you up at night and the way your whole body tenses at the presence of him. Not because you are scared of him, but because you are scared of this feeling and scared of not being everything he wants you to be; you are scared of not being good enough. 

You see, my dear, love is not always a two way street and sometimes it is all just in your head. Though your heart flutters at his touch and his presence simultaneously reminds you to breathe as well as takes your breath away, the thing you have to remember is that he may not feel the same way as you do. 

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“Confessions of a Lovestruck Teenager.”

1. You never see it coming, like, ever. I know they always talk about how the sudden realisation hits you and you never believe them, you just roll eyes and sigh and question why you’re watching yet another rom-com that’ll just leave you feeling depressed and lonely, but the truth is, they’re right. You do not see it coming. One minute you’re laughing at the terrible pun he made about your terrible dancing, and the next you’re fantasising about him pulling you into one of those dips and kissing you in the middle of the dance floor. Okay, so it’s a bit dramatic, but what do you expect, I’ve gained all my experience by living vicariously through fictional characters. Anyways, as I was saying, it really does hit you like a freaking bucket of ice water. There are no signs, no warnings, just one big ‘oh crap’ moment and that’s it, you are completely screwed, standing there drenched in the cold, harsh truth that you do, after all, have a heart. Queue montage of hopelessly daydreaming in class and reliving every single touch and conversation…Yeah, have fun with that. 

2. Activate jealous girlfriend mode. I’m serious, I know you may believe you’re not the jealous type, but trust me, you’re gonna find yourself up at 2am stalking his Facebook and every girl that is in any photo or post with him. And with each girl, you’ll come up with more and more extravagant stories of how he is in love with her. Trust me, anyone who claims that they’re not that imaginative are either lying or clearly have never had a crush. Oh, and also, any girl you see him even look at, yeah, there’ll be a story for her too. I hope you have good impulse control…

3. He’s cute. In fact, to be honest, I think it should be illegal to be this freaking cute. I mean, it definitely poses a threat to my well being - just ask my teachers and friends, who are getting real fed up with my daydreaming. Also, I completely forget to function around him, so you can imagine the bruises I've gotten from tripping, falling, etc. See, it really is not safe to society to be this freaking cute. So please, stop. Kind regards, a hopeless romantic. Hopeless being the keyword here...

4. Playlists, playlists, and more playlists. Your phone is just going to be one big ol’ mess of music that you can listen to and think about him to. You’ll probably also come up with some super cheesy name for it, like “I’m falling for your eyes” or “Him”. Ed Sheeran is seriously going to be your best friend. Hey, at least you probably already know the lyrics to all the songs. 

5. His laugh. No explanation needed here.

6. His smile. Again, if you’re reading this, girl you know what I'm talking about. 

7. 

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[kindergarchy]

A tale for the time being by Ruth Ozeki

So what happened was that I staggered my way through Beautiful Ruins by Jess Walters (it got real….boring halfway through) and I brought the book to a bar where it got lost. So this book was next and I finished it last week. I liked it more than Beautiful Ruins, it reminded me of some nameless books I used to read in secondary school days? Mostly within the realm of coming-of-age narrative in first person peppered with surreal mini-adventures.

I probably liked the book less than I should, although it has elements that I missed/liked, including the topics of meditation, mental health, Schrodinger's cat, and reverse culture shock. And the way it is narrated too, which is mainly divided into the protagonist #1’s pov (in the form of diary) and protagonist #2’s pov (real-time, in third person). I realized that this division is at the core of the book hence is inseparable from it, but at the end I felt like it does it slightly more harm than good, the narratives turn choppy and there were parts my curiosity supposedly stimulated by the alternating povs was not substantial enough to carry on and switch to the other pov (really didn’t care about what happens to protagonist #2). Was it just due to the less-than-ideal pacing and momentums? Well for all I know this could be just my personal preference… Anyway the author Ruth Ozeki seems to be a cool lady, she’s a zen monk and all (always intrigued by monks who appear “normal” + live a city life) I was about to listen to her session with Brad Listi on Otherppl, maybe I should listen to that and give some update here after

Another interesting feature of this book is the footnote, I didn’t realize that the book was originally written in English until a few pages in, and I thought the footnote was written by a translator. When the footnote raised suspicions/questions whose answer can be found easily via modern means, it hit me that it was written by protagonist #2

I also liked the way the book starts off, seems very… self-aware in a way that moulds pretty well the thought process of a junior high school student’s. It does not omit the awkwardness (“Hi! My name is Nao, and I am a time being… Ugh. That was dumb. I’ll have to do better. I bet you’re wondering what kind of stupid girl would write words like that.”) and the lengthy explanation/justification for the existence of the record in the first place, the way you’ll probably feel when you post your thoughts publicly: You put a bit of yourself out there, and you have to, in a place where you’re not too sure whether there’s an audience in the first place (like here? should I feel awkward? lol nah). Nao’s confidence of the special audience’s existence however is uniquely strong in this case, which propels the book forward, giving her diary a conversational and eventually an “interactive” flavor as it goes

This book struck me as one that a Sophie’s World fan might enjoy? (A big ‘might’ bc I’ve never actually read the book lol). It leaves you a trail of philosophical nuggets and interesting riddles that are packaged in a lighthearted manner. Or ambiguous but plain-worded wisdom, which probably to a cynic’s eye won’t pass their bullshit litmus test, e.g.:

... there's the fact of her being a hundred and four years old. I keep saying that's her age, but actually I'm just guessing. We don't really know for sure how old she is, and she claims she doesn't remember, either. When you ask her, she says,

“Zuibun nagaku ikasarete itadaite orimasu ne.”*

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* Zuibun nagaku ikasarete itadaite orimasu ne — "I have been alive for a very long time, haven't I?" Totally impossible to translate, but the nuance is something like: "I have been caused to live by the deep conditions of the universe to which I am humbly and deeply grateful. P. Arai calls it the "gratitude tense," and says the beauty of this grammatical construction is that "there is no finger pointed to a source." She also says, "It is impossible to feel angry when using this tense.”

The part where Nao starts to understand the essence of meditation intrigued me though, I liked how simple and explicit her conveyance is - in a few paragraphs she lays down the concrete steps and what might happen during the session - it was exactly the same as what I heard from headspace or Pema Chodron - and I started thinking how this now-familiar concept was pretty much unbeknownst to me when I was her age.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR ZAZEN First of all, you have to sit down, which you’re probably already doing. The traditional way is to sit on a zafu cushion on the floor with your legs crossed, but you can sit on a chair if you want to. The important thing is just to have good posture and not to slouch or lean on anything. Now you can put your hands in your lap and kind of stack them up, so that the back of your left hand is on the palm of your right hand, and your thumb tips come around and meet on top, making a little round circle. The place where your thumbs touch should line up with your bellybutton. Jiko says this way of holding your hands is called hokkai jo-in, and it symbolizes the whole cosmic universe, which you are holding on your lap like a great big beautiful egg. Next you just relax and hold really still and concentrate on your breathing. You don’t have to make a big deal about it. It’s not like you’re thinking about breathing, but you’re not not thinking about it either. It’s kind of like when you’re sitting on the beach and watching the waves lapping up on the sand or some little kids you don’t know playing in the distance. You’re just noticing everything that’s going on, both inside you and outside you, including your breathing and the kids and the waves and the sand. And that’s basically it. It sounds pretty simple, but when I first tried to do it, I got totally distracted by all my crazy thoughts and obsessions, and then my body started to itch and it felt like there were millipedes crawling all over me. When I explained this to Jiko, she told me to count my breaths like this: Breathe in, breathe out . . . one. Breathe in, breathe out . . . two. She said I should count like that up to ten, and when I got to ten, I could start over again at one. I’m like, no problem, Jiko! And I’m counting away, when some crazy revenge fantasy against my classmates or a nostalgic memory of Sunnyvale pops into my mind and totally hijacks my attention. As you’ve probably figured out by now, on account of the ADD, my mind is always chattering away like a monkey, and sometimes I can’t even count to three. Can you believe it? No wonder I couldn’t get into a decent high school. But the good news is that it doesn’t matter if you screw up zazen. Jiko says don’t even think of it as screwing up. She says it’s totally natural for a person’s mind to think because that’s what minds are supposed to do, so when your mind wanders and gets tangled up in crazy thoughts, you don’t have to freak out. It’s no big deal. You just notice it’s happened and drop it, like whatever, and start again from the beginning. One, two, three, etc. That’s all you have to do. It doesn’t seem like such a great thing, but Jiko is sure that if you do it every day, your mind will wake up and you will develop your SUPAPAWA—! I’ve been pretty diligent so far, and once you get the hang of it, it’s not so hard. What I like is that when you sit on your zafu (or even if you don’t happen to have a zafu handy, for example, if you’re on the train, or on your knees in the middle of a circle of kids who are punching you or getting ready to tear off your clothes . . . in other words no matter where you are) and you return your mind to zazen, it feels like coming home. Maybe this isn’t a big deal for you, because you’ve always had a home, but for me, who never had a home except for Sunnyvale, which I lost, it’s a very big deal. Zazen is better than a home. Zazen is a home that you can’t ever lose, and I keep doing it because I like that feeling, and I trust old Jiko, and it wouldn’t hurt for me to try to see the world a little more optimistically like she does.

Jiko also says that to do zazen is to enter time completely. I really like that. Here’s what old Zen Master Dōgen has to say about it: Think not-thinking. How do you think not-thinking? Nonthinking. This is the essential art of zazen. I guess it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense unless you just sit down and do it. I’m not saying you have to. I’m just telling you what I think.

Overall I liked the book, I just thought there would be...more?