#also a little bit anxious though
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I really hope I'm not wrong about Izzy being this fascinating, complex character with a meaningful backstory and relatable motivations behind his sometimes questionable actions... which are going to be explored more deeply in season 2.
What if he was just a one-dimensional antagonist all along?
Naaaah, won't happen :)
#izzy hands#ofmd s2#so thrilled to hopefully see (some of) my headcanons in CANON#also a little bit anxious though
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my sweet old man who is genuinely too kind for the world he lives in :(
#decadentart#bloodborne#retired hunter djura#he makes me so sick hes actually so fucking sweet when i think about it#Yes i gave her a skirt. whenever i draw the people of old yharnam i slways give tbem little accesories :)#the colors are a bit wonky because i intially drew it Reeaaalllyy Dark also idk i picked out some weird ass colors for the pallete#every time you shoot him off that tower an angel looses its wings#legimitately got upset when i killed him for his set#made sure he didnt fall to his death though. thats called bullying when you knock him off btw#also yeah i hc that the beasts are chill w him . and slso he knows all of their names#first maintagged art on this blog. shudders. i hope the fans dont eat me alive im serious you guys scare me#the halo was necessary btw#so anxious…. SEND IT! RAHHH!!! MY AUTISM BLAST GO!
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*Me push Pepperman to kiss Vigilante*
Eheheh, I’m so evil 😈 *runs*
And a bonus:
Phil’s to scared to confront his feelings yet-
WELL YOU SURELY HELPED- (Jk- this was really fun to do thanks XD🫶💥)
#Pizza Tower#Request :D#Answered ask#I haven’t drawn Vigilante in a while so his design looks a bit different-#I like how I drew him though he looks a bit better 👍#Pepperman also tries to be his normal-self around Vig but he can’t bring himself too#He’s WAY to anxious to even express feelings towards him LET ALONE TRY AND KISS HIM#Anon you mischievous little bastard-#Pepperman#Vigilante#Pepperman x Vigilante 👀
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Vargas IX, now with touch screen capabilities! (1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8)
That’s what it says on the tin....right?
And that’s what we like about him
He wins Rudest, 20th year in a row!
No Russian endearments, this is bullying >:0
Can you tell I was out and about lol, all I had were kids menu crayons and he still turned out cute <3
Their bunnies! It really is lucky that their colours are easy to find in crayons haha
Some vent :( They are always good for it ♥
Don’t want closeness, the hurt is too overwhelming to even touch
Always bothering him when he’s trying to sleep
That could be taken a lot of different ways honestly. Edgar just so done haha
Ahh, that way ♪ I like how the blanket pulled over his head turned out haha, that won’t muffle him at all!
Return of the Style Challenge! An Edgar off the heels of my KoiBo studies, extra hair floof ♫
A quick and silly Fairy!Edgar as a spacefiller; had a glimpse of an AU idea after rewatching Ferngully lol, Zak looks a bit like Jake I think
I actually doodled this one last year but didn’t scan it in until recently :0 - I’d planned to turn it into a minicomic but the page got away from me and turned into something else unrelated haha
Uh oh, Nny brainrot, here it comes
As if he would be worried~
God can’t save me now ♪ Your Boyfriend gives me so many Nny ideas, how dare <3 This song was already Edgar’s (so much) but now it’s his too! How dare!!
More ideas from that^ video, what’s a bit of casual dismemberment intention among friends
That felt-tip makes him twitchy
Uh oh
His nails are so sharp he barely needs to grip to pierce flesh
That was very on-purpose though. His harsh word bubbles really are fun to draw, like they're bolted and nailed together ♪
Poor Edgar :( Not that this would've ended well for him either way, but it's not like he was trying to make it worse! Though, this is probably better, maybe
Ew, gross >:|
Probably nothing that would de-escalate, so. No.
Kinda free-bleeding over here, ow, please stop :(
Oddly gentle touch, considering the literal blood on his hands
Just gonna lightly dig around in your arm, don't worry about it. He's really barely touching him, blood giving his fingertips a smooth glide
He tapped back into his mind and got a bit stuck there, words kinda sorta. Surprisingly it’s not that comforting!
Scriabin is not having a fun day :( Edgar, no, stop excusing him!
"Why did I do that??" Maybe something to do with a waste-lock? :3c
Haha, as soon as they're directly out of danger, Scriabin's right back to sassing him, not so scared or small now huh
"Since you have a habit of collecting scars from him. Stop that, by the way."
Drawing his arm bandaged was just too fun! Bleeding through it, poor lad <3
More missing words, he meant to ask "What are you reading?" but Edgar told him anyway haha. Founder of the modern-day emoticon!
Sad Edgar for some comfort doodles <3 Seems backwards sometimes lol, but if it works!
"Pay attention to me instead of whatever's making you upset." Poor thing, even Scriabin just coming up to him makes him jump
Kisses <3 I really like the one of Edgar trying to dodge him hehe, no kiss! Yes kiss
Always a surprise, somehow
Something nice?? Who is this??? It was all a trick and ploy, don't flatter yourself >:0
Haha, the original Extremely scuffed doodle for this year's personal Vargasversary - as long as Edgar's squished, it all works out!
Wanted to draw Edgar as a pierrot clown out of the blue, he looks so cute! The big fluffy buttons and the floofy collar and eye makeup :D Cute!!
He's no simple clown! He's an complete comedy routine, straightman and fool in one!
But I mean, what does that say towards Scriabin's taste lol, he's already confirmed morosexual so ♪
Back to the Nnyspam, don't mind me
A reasonable request, he's skin and bones anyhow
A reasonable reply! Not an opposition exactly, just would prefer to know what to expect
As much as I can get to Poor Nny haha, he’s just so confused. "How did I get here." Meanwhile, Edgar tries really hard to not get his hopes up lol
Chatting about the weird exchange with Scriabin later - is this something they experienced together and are just talking about now, or did he go to Nny's alone?? Doesn't matter, Scriabin's gonna monologue about it
Haha, Edgar having some kind of Awakening thanks to Nny, again
He's always talking
More blobs! Scriablobin being annoying, of course <3
Went through a Tamagotchi-interest and decided to try and make some 32x32 resolution lads <3 Would take care of them, even if we all know Scriabin would beep even when he doesn’t need anything, he’d definitely run on the Devilgotchi OS lol
Back to the crying-kissing idea, set it down and picked it back up. Both just exchanging mini-barbs, sweet-nothings laced in thorns <3
Hehe they turned out so cute here ♥ Tastes like [soggy bread] and [affection]
An odd one of Edgar telling Scriabin off and manhandling him. Though maybe the latter isn’t as odd haha
I just wanted to doodle Edgar swearing at him haha. What would get him so riled to do so!
Family time, snuggles on the couch <3 Todd's completely enraptured by the glow of the television screen, ignoring cuddle time
*You hear the sound of canoodling in the background
Got a little too loud and got shut down haha
What happened?? Could've sworn they were just all over each other! That was the problem!
Welp, there's February through May again :) It's an ever-slowing momentum, but dang if it wasn't a powerful initial force lol
#💟#Doodles#Art#Edgar#Scriabin#Nny#Todd#Shmee#Sketchdump#Blood#It's a very Edgar-heavy sketchdump this time! I mean. Other than how much Nny appears there's just so much Nny#So look out for that - especially on the blood front lol#Other warnings uhhh mostly just Nny weirdness - no it's not a vore thing don't look at me like that#Little bit of vent - And the usual Edgar/Scriabin silliness <3#There's also like a Bunch more minicomics this time and I actually edited them seperately! Woah!#The big Nny one in the middle is a complete thought - though I would love to return to Scriabin sassing Edgar when he feels safe haha#The kiss one still has some missing panels - it was split into two sections for what I think are interesting reasons#The initial inspiration came from when I woke up horribly anxious for some reason and y'know - they're comfort characters so#But I couldn't touch a thought with them other than Scriabin being gentle and comforting Edgar it was extremely strange#Afterwards I was fine! But for a moment that's all I could handle so I gave it to Edgar lol#Lots of other silliness ♪ I actually really love clown motifs but only if they're Pierrot lol Pierrot is perfect!#And then the Gotchi stuff hhhhh <3 <3 Yes I know 32x32 isn't the correct resolution shhh look don't worry about it#I have since learned as I've delved deeper into the fixation lol - and I got myself an actual Devilgotch <3 <3 <3 I'm so excited about it <#Absolutely going to be thinking of Scriabin when it prank-beeps at me lol#Oh yeah and for Edgar swearing at Scriabin? I made an initial panel but it was a little too vague :P#It's You Can't Live Like This themed if that's any indication except Scriabin's being a self-destructive brat#So y'know - the usual lol#Finishing off with more silliness - it's been a very gentle last several months (other than the Nnyspam shh) lots of silly soft ideas :)#Cute things abound ♪
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i am so apathetic to popular male transformers characters, but i have a simple trick to make me care abt them: i turn them into robot women then i suddenly start seeing their appeal
#grimlock would be so awesome as a butch woman. DO YOU HEAR ME DOES ANYBODY HEAR ME HELLOOOO#also crazy in depth conversation i had abt this made me think abt why i get rlly. apathetic abt popular tf characters#esp when i realize all the popular characters im Whatever abt are all men#but i always have interest in the female ones and also the niche little weird guys#you are looking at rare scrounge fan. rare wheelie fan. and Number 1 Fan of Blurr*#*when hes a dorky weird anxious guy. yknow the ones ppl dont care abt bc hes “annoying” and “ugly”#i dont give as much of a shit abt the handsome cocky racer blurrs#i realize. because tf fandom has a weird thing abt only caring abt how attractive a character is#and tends to gravitate to male characters for that aspect#like lets be real here. there is such a high priority in this fandom for what characters look best in porn. im right.#and ppl love the yaoi robots for that.#and i. am on the aroace spectrum. and do not find as much attraction in men (though i do sometimes. just less so)#so this doesnt appeal to me#so i find myself so incredibly apathetic or a hater to a lot of the tf fandom bc of this#in turn i do not care so much for the popular characters or straight up see them as red flags (admittedly im a bit irrational for this tho)#a lot of times i get a feeling like “ok whats so special abt this guy. its just another conventionally attractive man" it feels boring to m#so that might explain why i become more interested in these characters if they arent men#this is all being said from a nonbinary person that leans more transmasc btw. just noting that.#rando thoughtz
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kirishima is soooo babygirl coded yes i KNOW he'd hate me saying that i KNOW he's obsessed with being manly but i just cant help it. he's babygirl
#HE JUST DID HIS DEBUT AGAINST THAT BLADE VILLAIN AND IT WAS SO CUTE <3333#he was so proud of himself and the civilians were so nice <33#'red riot? that's a name i wont be forgetting soon!' YESSSS THAT'S MY SON!!!!!!!!#his hero name always makes me laugh though bc of that one tiktok hc that the mha girls use 'red riot' as a code name for their period 😭😭#like it's a bit funny. it's a little funny#also amajiki is the funniest person in this entire thing. 'how you holding up?' 'awful'#he just wants to go home 😭 stop dragging the socially anxious introvert into hero society#mha#mha spoilers#hella watches anime
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job interview tomorrow morning should I sleep & be annoyed that i had 2 get up; or stay awake & sleep afterwards?
#also that no sleep hyperactivity wouls help me to not be anxious???#just a little bit though bc i will always be anxious about this kind of stuff
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sighs, sits down, head in hands. leon is rotating in my mind again. i am thinking about him so hard.
#cosmo rambles#this is pokemon masters fault. 4th time thye do this to me. PUT HIM IN THE TRAINER LODGE COWARDS#mr champion leon sir. i love you. you are haunting my thoughts king#it does not help im back to playing the game because dragapult and leon is an insane combo LOL#i do genuinely enjoy the gameplay too i think masters is a fun if not cluttered take on pokemon gameplay#i did the special event battle against eternatus leon and i just barely won i wanted to scream at my ipad so loud#dragapult with dragon darts and b breaking swipe is unreal though#dropping attack and defense while attacking all 3 opponents is. good lord.#and dragon darts is a double hit#also i can have 3 leons on my team which is important and delightful to me#im feelin really anxious tonight though so im gonna think about hazel and leon holding hands to try and alleviate that a little bit#rotating them.... together.
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so me and the man formerly known as Good Morning Hoe are going to have a talk about dealbreakers and expectations next time we see each other (tuesday) but i’m so worried bc i like him a lot and i think he would make a great partner but obviously the crux of the conversation is that if we bring up things that we can’t see eye to eye on that we will walk away and im like :((( obviously it’s better to know now and call it quits if he’s like, to use an example that i already know is not true, a guy who just Fuckin Loves Guns or whatever, but also i will be rly sad for a little while if it doesn’t work out
#i feel like all the shit on my list is pretty obvious though#at first he said something similar but now he said there are a couple things that he’s not sure where i stand on#and i’m nervous about that now dhsjdh#honestly what i’ve seen of him so far has been so great that i don’t think there’ll be anything on my list that causes him to strike out#but i guess i still see myself as a bit of a work in progress so i’m a little worried about his list#i also don’t really know what to expect dhsjdh maybe next time i’ll suggest we just do a video call so i dont have to be anxious#tirah talks
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Welcome to the silly little clown corner that I call my art side-blog!
Update to my Pinned msg (NOV2024)
I will temporarily have to close my inbox, since tumblr recently did this cool trick where it deleted a couple of the msgs (new ones that I wasn’t able to see and I think an older anon one that I know for a fact existed, rather confusing tbh since its not like I have a lot of asks) so I’d rather close it for now in case new asks get yoinked again 😅. In addition to that, since my asks are mostly for art requests/suggestions, I’d also like to close and finish the ones that are still pending (well, the surviving ones) before re-opening.
I will update this pinned msg (and probably put an update somewhere when I post an art) whenever this changes!
Cheers!
#also I’m going to be putting replies to limited again - though not because of any recent replies bc its all been wonderful!#its just been rather stressful lately and as a 🏳️⚧️strange little creature🏳️⚧️#im always lowkey anxious in general and would like to reduce/limit that stress a bit without completely removing replies#bc as I said I genuinely enjoy reading people’s replies (and tags!)#NGL. This is also partially the reason I’m temporarily closing my inbox ahaha. I WILL open it again I’d just like to be#in a better; less stressed-out/anxious state when I do it
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GYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE I HAD A CUTE DREAM W SANS >:D!!!!!!!! it was in like two parts the first was us just meeting and hitting it off right away which was fun and the other part was. nevermind im too embarrassed to not say it in the tags The tags r my safe cringe space The tags r like my house i live down there
#cherry chats#bf (bone friend)#ok. so anyway the 2nd part was awhile later he asked me on a date which was cute#and hed gone through way too much effort to make it like....... properly date-y even though neither of us give a shit#so hed gotten a table at some semi fancy restaurant and wed gotten dressed up SORT of fancy#and he was sooo excited and anxious. then he turns out he got the name wrong and instead of a fancy-ish restaurant it was like#some shitty cheap family diner. like imagine mcdonalds but a little fancier and with a LITTLE better food#thats what we got. because they had similar names and he mixed them up#we didnt even get our own table we sat at one of those long benches that mcdonalds also have next to a dad with his 2 little kids#the poor fucking guy was mortified when he realized hed fucked up but i just thought it was hilarious#i remember KISSING HIM ON THE CHEEK!!!!!!!!!!!! and being like its fine lets just go home and order takeout instead lmfao#so anyway. that waas the dream i had it was awesome#tehre were other stuff too but it was all jumbled bits and pieces maybe ill write them down in a draft just so i dont forget
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anxious b/c a potential opportunity has come up and I always get very anxious about them aishdfoieh
#peep peep#don't mind me rambling in the tags#but u know how I'm currently working to be a teacher right? basically I got a reply after sending an email to a local day school and#they're interested in discussing more about the job and specs with me over the phone so I'm just soihufeoih a n x i o u s#ohhh I'm excited though! I really have been wanting to even just metaphorically dip my toe into being an educator and this is#huge for me! so I'm really hoping for the best and have been doing a ton of research into the place and seeing what they have#on their website so I'm prepared to ask questions that I might have but ishadofihe GOSH#(': also I've just been having not great luck with searching for a job and working at a deli is...horribly exhausting and also low paying#so the thought that i'd be able to do something I want to do + get experience in the field and make the same amount with#less exhaustion is very very very appealing- especially when their general offer (I haven't discussed salary yet personally) is like a bit#more than what I'm making right now after a year and the director seems like they're nice??#UUUU okay I'm overthinking things but yeah I'm very anxious but a little hopeful
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attention!
after spending nearly thirty minutes looking for a piece of clothing, blamore was starting to get worried that he'd never find what he was looking for. and that clothing was particularly important as it was what it planned to wear on its date with loni that night. the blazer was the only one he had left that wasn't dirty. but for whatever reason, it wasn't in the place where blamore last remembered putting it; a problem soon arising because of that.
loni was waiting on it outside. and in addition to that, she was already completely changed, making blamore feel as if he had to find it before long or she might get annoyed at him. its eyes carefully looked through the shelves in its closet one last time to see if maybe it was just missing it. but blamore found nothing once more, so he soon found himself walking out of his closet in the direction of loni. ooh... it really hoped that she wasn't already feeling irritated at him for taking so long. though, loni never really seemed like the type to do so, the thought gave him anxiety.
blamore wasn't shocked to see that she had taken to trying to entertain herself with something. it had been a while, it thought, as it reached a hand out to touch her shoulder. but blamore's was a bit shocked that it hesitated for a moment before it made contact with her skin, ❝ loni. hey, mon cœur (my heart) — i'm sorry its been taking me so long. i know we're going to a fancy restaurant, with reservations and everything, so i want to wear something nice. but my blazer is nowhere to be found... do you think i should just wear something else? ❞
#maljefe#GAH blamore getting nervous before a date with loni even though they have known each other for a little while now because he-#doesn't want to mess anything up BUT then not being able to find the one piece of clothing that he knows of that'd get him all fancied up#for their date and getting even more anxious because of that honestly kind of makes me feel a bit bad for it. though blamore isn't-#to that point where it feels like its going to cry or anything OFC so that's the one good thing about this and he tried to shut down those-#negative thoughts he had about loni possibly getting mad at him. like the being gets kind of caught up in the details i suppose sometimes-#and so that makes blamore feel less confident about things BUT it also knows it'll be alright in the end👍#also this is the one that i chose to reverse by the way so i'll write the other one you sent me as loni doing the action tehe#thank you for the asks BTW!! (:
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🖖
#i went to my first real “party”/social gathering ever last night#crazy saying that as I'm about to start my senior year of college lol i'm a loser#one of my acquaintances invited me to his party and I went#even though I was just so anxious about going bc of how socially awkward and inept I am#and overall it was pretty mid!#I was stone cold sober the entire time while almost everyone else was intoxicated#not a great place to be#but I was able to add a little bit to convos and I circled around a bit#it was also a bit awkward for me bc there was like 10 males and like 3 female/fem-presenting people including me#and they all knew each other and I was the only “odd one out”#I sat in silence a lot of the time and played with the cats there#but!! there was a really cool person that went by izzy and they were staying sober too#and we literally geeked out about star trek for like 40 minutes it was insane!! we bonded so quickly over that haha#i'm ultimately glad I went bc I got to talk to a new person and build my social skills a bit!#personal
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it's a funny name but actually i had to ask the guy at the comics place for it and let me tell you it didn't feel as funny then bc i was basically outing myself in front of a middle aged small town stranger. not my favorite thing to do
#everything was fine though. he was like oh it's coming in at noon actually#and then went to check if he was correct and repeated the title about 5 other times and i was there like. dying a little bit every time#thank god there was no one else there#like. why didn't the author call it something vague and non descriptive. i almost didn't ask at all i was so anxious#but i also wanted to support small businesses etc etc m be brave etc etc and all is well that ends well
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Okay, anyone else on SSRIs: is it normal to suddenly feel a little bit stupid all the time
#i just feel like i’m forgetful and spacy all of a sudden. and sometimes this feeling comes over me that is not unlike the feeling i used to#get when i smoked tons of weed. just without the dry eyes and hunger#so really just the feeling of having a thick head and the feeling that i am essentially personifying this emoji: 😵💫#it just makes me a little dumb… it makes me say stupid things and forget basic stuff like when pilates ends#mind you i’ve been going to pilates since september and it always ends at the same time and i’ve never forgotten before#there’s a part of me that’s like… was i smarter before? i’m sure i had better clarity before i started citalopram#i mean i’ve always been bad at communicating but i’ve never been as disorganised as i’ve become#i’m definitely less anxious though. i mean i still don’t enjoy stuff like job interviews but i didn’t have a panic attack today#or feel physically sick or anything. i just got very sweaty and didn’t want to go lol#i think that was mostly the beta blockers that helped with that. i definitely find that citalopram and propanolol combined#makes me a bit more rubbish cognitively and also makes me Very prone to sweating profusely and having a dry mouth#but it calms me down. so?? decent trade-off i guess????#anyway i’m going to stay on it and see how things go. i haven’t had anything seriously bad happen to me#i mean having my iq reduced by about 20 points is probably worth being less freaked out by anything and everything#personal
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