#today i only went bc i had something i wanted to do after (which was. so much fun omg i forgot how great being around my friends can be
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itsalwaysdark · 5 months ago
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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newtness532 · 1 year ago
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why do women's lemon scented hygiene products smell different from men's lemon scented hygiene products?
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cutearose · 2 years ago
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okay but how do you ask for help when your childhood makes you feel guilty for needing help and the help that you need feels rude to ask for
#im really struggling to function rn and i finally accepted that i wont make it to my appt without help#so i posted on my snap story asking if anyone could come over for a few hours to help me get back on track#n. two people replied saying they cant but hope i find someone but no one else has replied at all#i knew the answer would probably be no bc no one has time to come all the way here to help me to do tasks i should be able to do alone#but idk i thought i might get some comfort or encouragement or something. just some acknowledgement#i wish i had a group chat or something where i could reach out to people. bc things like snap stories people are just flicking past#i NEED to change the kitty litter today i have no choice its unusable and needs changing but i just. how. i am so tired#i have a ridiculous amount of glasses n crockery specifically for when i struggle like this n yet im still almost completely out of them#bc i just. cant do the dishes. i dont even have to wash them they just need to go in the dishwasher n i Cant#my brain just completely shut down once i got back from the trip#especially bc i got a cold n i dont cope well being sick at all#but of course thats another reason i feel bad asking for help. bc my house is full of germs. n i dont want people to get sick bc of me#but i am running out of food and clean dishes and bench space and i just. cant do it alone rn#but i used up my asking capabilities posting on snap#posting on insta would prob get more people to see it but insta feels. much more public#i dont use my insta stories like ever so it feels like a Lot to post on it for this#n when i asked for support after my parents divorce i only got a couple responses anyway#n this is. not worth support. like its a problem of my own making? i went on the trip knowing it would be a Lot for me#i wasnt planning on getting sick And getting an infection which are both exhausting me a lot but thats not the point#idk im just beating myself up over here. idk how to ask for help esp bc i expect the answer to be no anyway#like who is gonna travel an hour+ to help their friend clean their kitchen and fill out paperwork. im 28 i should be able to do that stuff#these tags are getting very maudlin and mean to myself. sigh. i wish i didnt feel so guilty when i need help#i wish i felt like i was allowed to ask for and accept help#love that childhood and autistic trauma haha lmao#anyway. brains are annoying. and im struggling a lot.
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technicolorxsn · 1 year ago
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I can already tell I'm gonna wake up in pain again tmrw lmao
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janovavalen · 1 year ago
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✧when social media calls so does the questions || walker scobell x fem!reader
summary: after fans have created more and more of a scene with y/n l/n and walker scobell they are asked about it in their first interview together.
warning: friendly reminder the people/faces i use are just for the aesthetic ofc imagine it’s you bc we’re on that level of delulu<3
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as they day went by y/n sat in her hotel room with her dressers, makeup and nail artist all around . this was probably one thing y/n enjoyed about being who she was and doing what she did.
she got to say there while people made her look pretty at the amazing work they did on her. however, though some of the dresses and suits she had to wear were sometimes out of the ordinary or just tight in general, they always made sure to capture her natural color and make her outfits look beautiful on her.
today y/n would be getting interviewed after she got ready—so was aryan, leah and walker of course. she was beyond nervous, exited? but definitely mostly nervous. she hated when she had to sit in front of a camera—well, it came more naturally when she was acting because she wasn’t really being herself.
but when it came to being interviewed, she was half of the time being told what to say, monitored at all times and some other genuine answers were cut out. she guessed it would probably be more dramatic for the audience and the interviewer.
‘miss. l/n, your being called’ one of her managers called out to her as she was just getting her last piece of clothing on.
‘oh—okay!’ she called back. as her stylist got her finished up and ready she smiled and thanked everyone who gave her a huge smile back while they waved her goodbye.
but before she could leave, she obviously had to take some pictures.
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ㆍ୨୧ㆍ
the second y/n stepped out of her hotel room was as if on the sam strike as the rest of her friends. aryan, leah and walker came out of their separate room with their outfits on.
leah wore a beautiful dress and her afro, aryan wore a simple green shirt and black pants and walker wearing a black jacket with dark blue jeans.
‘okay why is it only me and leah going all out for these outfits?’ y/n placed her hands out motioning to the fact the boys were dressed as if they were going out on a casual walk and y/n and leah to the met gala.
‘well…talk to my styalist with that because i can’t give you an answer��� aryan commented with a smile as y/n laughed a bit. holding her phone in her hand along with her purse.
walker had subconsciously found himself waiting for her to walk beside him which didn’t go unnoticed by aryan and leah.
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as the group walked outside was then the lights began flashing in a hurry. the dark sky around them already causing enough ruckus to other people trying to sleep in the hotel, y/n and the group has stopped to give the crowd what they want.
their pictures.
as they did y/n and walker stood arm to arm. him holding the back of his hand along the back half of her back.
while they smiled, waved, posed and did some silly things out of habit. they finally seen their car was ready, signaling it was time to go, so they all began to walk.
but as y/n did she had felt her shoe get caught on something causing her to stop for a second, walker behind somehow able to feel her presence stopped immediately and looked down to her shoe.
‘oh—wait i got it it’s okay—‘
‘no wait let me help’ walker pulled back and leaned down on his knee to see her heel was stuck on the vent of the ground outside. once he got it out someone yelled—‘it’s like a real life cinderella story!’ causing the crowed to awh and flash their cameras faster.
y/n placed her hand over her mouth and nervously laughed as did walker who placed his hand back against her back and let it hold there as they walked.
when they got in the car they immediately sighed of relief from the outside media not being able to get as good pictures but still tired of course.
‘i don’t think ill ever get over this—the lights might be the cause of me going blind to be honest’ leah mumbled while holding her head in her hands, enjoying the heat of the car in this time of day which was a bit cold outside.
‘yeah, i think we should i hide all night and only take pictures in the day or something so they don’t use pictures’
‘that just gives me even more the reason to stay home, so i’m going along with that plan’ y/n smiled at aryan who laughed.
as they drove to their destination, they all had to take pictures and of course videos for their spam’s and personal cameras rolls for memory’s.
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when they arrived to their interview destination, the four of them sat in their chairs.
leah and y/n sat next to each other. walker and scobell seated next to each other—so the order being leah, y/n, walker, and aryan.
‘okay, are you guys ready?’ the interviewer asked with a warm smile, they all nodded their heads and y/n gave a nervous thumbs up as she smiled making walker laugh.
‘okay, we’re on in—3,2,1–‘
looking a bit over at the camera pointed towards her she started—‘hello my name is racheal james and i am here with—‘
‘leah jeffries’ she smiled
‘y/n l/n’ she nervously twisted with her hands—
‘walker scobell’ who gave a smile and soon—‘aryan simhardi’ who waved to the camera.
‘hi! hello, welcome hope things went well as you got here?’
‘uh yeah—y’know, paparazzi, yelling, lights—it went amazing’ walker looked at the racheal who laughed, y/n smiled a bit while she touched a bit of her face as leah and aryan laughed a bit.
‘as usual, as usual—so! i have been dying to ask, how did you guys all get along when you were casted for percy jackson?’
‘uhm, we did pretty good? i mean i came in a bit late since my character doesn’t show up till episode four so i got a bit more time to pack at home but y’know, i think i get along with them amazingly’
‘yeah—i mean, when we all met y/n she was very warm and an inviting person, every funny and so energetic i just love her presence’ walker told while looking at y/n who warmly smiled and placed her hand over her mouth.
‘okay! the two of them!? i can’t! they always do this! it’s constant—‘ leah pointed at the two as she yelled and laughed making y/n and walker nervously laugh.
‘that’s what i was going to say! is it always like that?’ racheal smiled at them.
‘oh my—yes! all the time. on set, at dinner, hang outs—anywhere!’ aryan commented while y/n shook her head with a eye roll and walked just smiled, his face red.
‘okay but wait—so, as you all know, the comments on instagram are going insane over walker and y/n i wanted to ask how do you two feel about it? is it uncomfortable? is it truth or just fans being fans?’
‘uhm….i wouldn’t call them fans just more of very distant friends and family? but im not uncomfortable with it all all—‘
‘yeah no i’m not either, it’s kinda funny and amusing to see everyone piece things together more than some do in the show’ walker shrugged as y/n laughed.
‘ou? so, are you denying or backing up on the rumors that the famous (c/n) and percy jackson may be lovers outside of percy jackson?’
leah immediately looked at aryan who’s eyes snapped to walker and y/n.
the two of them nervously touched their faces while shrugging—‘i—um?’
‘yeah, so…y’know?’ the lot laughed as they watched the two teens nervously try to figure out what to say.
‘okay! i’m sorry i’m sorry to make you uncomfortable! let’s just move onto the next question yeah?’ she smiled while flipping through papers.
y/n placed her hand over her face and sighed deeply to calm herself as for walker who looked at her with a smile and a red warm face.
ㆍ୨୧ㆍ
about a couple hours later when the interview was done y/n and walker decided to split from the group who had happened to all want to go out to dinner just to hang out.
walker badly wanted to be with y/n but not when she was occupied with the other group, so he pulled her away from the group for a little bit just to talk which y/n didn’t mind in the slightest.
the two of them were standing on the sidewalk as they talked and laughed together.
‘when she asked what was going on in the comments i’m not going to lie i kind of freaked out like i was like—dude what the hell do i say? what do i do?’ walker revealed as he sheepishly moved a bit closer to y/n who did as well.
‘oh my god—same, i was so nervous i didn’t know what i was going to day next to try and recover from that’ she laughed as walker nodded his head in agreement while he placed a small hand on her arm which she didn’t take note of.
after a laugher died down a bit, the two of them stood in a bit of silence as they felt the cold air breeze past them. since y/n wore a outfit that had no jacket, walker had given her his jacket back at the restaurant after seeing cold chills on her arm.
as y/n held her arms with the jacket getting warmer, walker couldn’t held but admire how pretty she looked under the yellow light of the street pole next to them.
‘you looked really pretty’ he smiled as she placed a hand over her mouth to smile widely before placing it back down to her side.
‘thank you…your not too bad yourself’ she teased as he faked a gasp making her laugh. this only prompted him to go after her with his arms around her shoulders as she laughed out loud while he moved their bodies to the side aggressively.
her face being mashed between chest and arm.
‘oh my god! my makeup!’ she cried out with a laugh as he completely ignored her with his own laughter.
once they were done moving he leaned down to give her a kiss on her cheek making the both of them grow warm and red. she smiled deeply while placing her arms around his waist. the two of them embracing each other in the dead of night.
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yourinstagram
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liked by dior.n.goodjohn, leahavajeffries, aryansimhardi , yourmom and others 
yourinstagram if you guys don’t know…i’m literally terrified of doing almost anything thanks to final destination
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dior.n.goodjohn dude imagine the cars just blowing up out of nowhere while you guys were driving it…
↳ yourinstagram I WAS IMAGINING THAT THE WHOLE TIME WHILE WALKER JUST LAUGHED LIKE WHATS FUNNY?
↳ walker.scobell IT WAS FUNNY BC U WERE CRYING 😭!?
↳ yourinstagram that was supposed to stay between us.😒
↳ walker.scobell oh. 
iamcharliebushnell that’s insane you thought that while driving the whole time
↳ leahsavajeffries i would’ve just got off at that point 😭
↳ walker.scobell oh trust she tried but i didn’t let her leave me on there alone after i paid for that
user282 AHHH MORE WALKER AND Y/N CONTENT<33333
user200 they’re hand feeding us at this point bc omg😭
user1011 i literally love them sm—DID YALL SEE THOES PAPARAZZI PICS OF THEN CUDDLED UP OUTSIDE???
↳ yourinstagram PAPARAZZI PICS?
walker.scobell
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liked by yourinstagram, leahsavajeffries, dior.n.goodjohn, aryansimhardi and others
walker.scobell i think y/n enjoys my phone more than her own phone
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yourinstagram i enjoy your phone bc u have storage 🧍🏽‍♀️
↳ walker.scobell OUUUU so just take all mine? got it got it
↳ yourinstagram DONT ACT FUNNY ON HERE BC U TOLD ME TOO U TOLD ME IT WAS OKAY!?
↳ walker.scobell *gulps*
dior.n.goodjohn LOOK AT MY CHILDRENNNNB OMG
iamcharliebushnell they grow up so fast☹️
↳ walker.scobell why r u guys acting like your nearing your eighties
user111 LOOK AT THEMMMNM OMG GGOGMGMGMGMGM
user1034 they’re cuties
user77 i can’t believe they’re actually together like someone don’t pinch me if this is a dream i don’t wanna wake up from it
↳ yourinstagram awh😭?
↳ walker.scobell okay this is adorable though
walker.scobell
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walker.scobell no comment
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dior.n.goodjohn GET THHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHH OUT PF HERE OMG
iamcharliebushnell okay but how many times have they hung out without us is the real question
leahsavajeffries alright yall not to much
↳ walker.scobell HUH😭
yourmom i’m so happy you make her happy☺��
↳ walker.scobell awh mrs.l/n
↳ yourinstagram awh mom STOP☹️
yourinstagram that busted up camera ain’t give no promises
↳ walker.scobell that’s what happens when you drop it like thirty times…
user11000 LOOK AT THEM GUYSSSSSS AHHHH
user220 i’m so happy i shipped them the second i saw them on screen together and irl
user1479 the fact they are literally two half’s of a whole is proof soulmates are real
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taglist: @callsignwidow
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lucy90712 · 6 months ago
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kinda sad but reader distancing herself from jude bc she’s pregnant and don’t know how to tell him and he’s really scared bc he thinks she’s gonna leave him
A/n: I had to give this a happy ending as I have far too much angst to write that I needed a pick me up
Do it. Just do it. 
I have to keep telling myself those few words. In front of me sits a pregnancy test that I can't get myself to take as I don't want to know the answer. Jude and I have always been really careful as he doesn't want kids, I don't mind either way but because he doesn't want them we always try to be super safe. Despite that for the last few weeks I've just not felt right I've been feeling really nauseous and my period is now a week late which really only means one thing I just didn't want to believe it. As much as I know I'm almost definitely pregnant I don't want to take the test as that will confirm it and then I'll have to deal with the consequences.
How would I tell Jude? Would he leave me? Can I raise a baby on my own? All of those questions swirled round my brain as I still just stared at the test. Jude will definitely not be happy but if I am pregnant I don't want to get rid of the baby as I don't think I could handle all the emotions that come with that. If I don't get rid of the baby I can definitely see Jude breaking up with me which I understand he doesn't want kids and he's just starting out his career at Real Madrid he won't want a baby to look after so I'll probably be on my own in a city I don't know with no support. 
It got to the point that all of the questions were starting to eat away at me so to forget about them I decided just to take the test. What no one tells you about taking a pregnancy test is that the few minute wait for the result feels like a century I swear I was pacing back and forth forever before the screen displayed the result. I chose to take a digital test as it would tell me how many weeks I was as that's something I wanted to know too but then I realised that knowing how far along I am will make it feel a whole lot more real. There was no surprise when I finally looked at the test and it said pregnant 4-5 weeks. 
Finally seeing it confirmed made it impossible to hold back my tears any longer. Instinctively my hand went to my stomach as I thought about how in a few short months I will have a baby the baby that is currently growing inside me. The tears were a mix of happiness as somehow I was actually happy to know I was pregnant and anxiety as I have no idea what the future holds. 
~~~~~~~~~~
It has been a month since I found out I was pregnant and I'm now 10 weeks along. A few weeks back I went for my first ultrasound and got to see the baby and make sure everything was ok which it was. Jude still doesn't know, I've tried to tell him so many times but I just can't do it I either chicken out or the moment just doesn't feel right. I know I need to tell him soon as I'm already starting to develop a small bump which will only get bigger and sometimes I think Jude gets a bit suspicious when I won't eat certain things I usually love as I know they will make me sick. 
Over the past month I have definitely been a lot more distant with Jude which has meant he hasn't noticed when I've had really bad sickness days and that I have a small bump growing. It's hard hiding such a big secret from him which is part of why I've been so distant because I just want to tell him and for us to be a happy family but I know it won't go that way and I can't bare the thought of that. I love Jude so much and I don't want to ruin our relationship but I know at some point I'll have to tell him and deal with whatever heartbreak comes along with that. 
No one apart from me knows about my pregnancy not even my parents or my friends I have kept it a complete secret. Today though I'm seeing my friends and I know they are getting a bit suspicious as when we go out I'm always tired and I don't drink anymore. We aren't doing much today just going for brunch so I got up after Jude left for training and went to where we were supposed to meet. Once everyone was there we went in and got a table and I lasted less than a minute before the smell of someone's food made me feel so nauseous that I had to run to the bathroom. My best friend joined me to make sure I was ok but I knew she wasn't convinced when I said I was fine. 
"Are you ok?" The rest of the group asked 
"Yeah I'm fine" I said 
"What's going on girl you've been acting weird for a while now" my best friend said 
"Ok you guys can't say anything to anyone but I'm pregnant I found out a month ago and I've been hiding it because Jude doesn't want kids and I don't know how to tell him" I admitted 
None of them really knew what to say they all knew that Jude didn't want kids and a baby was never supposed to be part of our lives so they were as shocked as I was. After the initial shock they all started giving me advice and telling me everything would be fine. They all tried to reassure me that Jude wouldn't leave me when he found out but they did say I need to tell him at some point soon and I agree but it's hard to find the right words to say. 
Once I got back home I just sat in silence thinking about life and how I got to this point. I was so consumed with my thoughts that I didn’t hear the front door opening or Jude calling my name as he entered the house with increased panic when I didn’t reply. I only came back to reality when he was stood in front of me catching his breath after I nearly gave him a heart attack. There was a lot of staring at each other as I tried to find something to say while he tried to read me and work out what I was thinking. 
“Love are you ok and before you tell me you’re fine I know you’re not you’ve been acting strange for a while and I just want to know what I can do to make things better” he said 
Hearing him say that was too much for me I just burst into tears right in front of him. His arms made their way around me and he tried to calm me down but that didn’t help. This last month I’ve held back all of my emotions about this whole situation and now they are coming out all at once and I can’t hold them back any longer. I tried to tell him but the words couldn’t escape my mouth so instead I grabbed his hand and took him upstairs with me. I kept my pregnancy test and ultrasound pictures hidden away in my wardrobe so I found them and just placed them in Jude’s hands. This isn’t how I wanted to tell him but I think it’s the only way I can do it without having another breakdown. 
“What is this?” He asked 
“I’m pregnant” I said 
“I’m sorry I know you don’t want kids and we are always careful I don’t know how it happened and I just I’m just sorry” I rambled 
“Hey it’s ok calm down how long have you known?” He asked 
“I’ve known for a month and I’m 10 weeks now” I said 
“Wow we are going to be parents” he said hugging me tightly 
“Wait you aren’t mad” I questioned 
“No of course I’m not mad I’m actually really happy I know I said I didn’t want kids but more recently I started to change my mind especially seeing you with all the guys kids it made me want that with you I couldn’t be happier right now” he said 
“So you aren’t going to leave me?” I asked 
“Of course not I can’t wait to go through this whole journey with you I’m just sad I haven’t been there for you until now” he said 
Hearing that was such a relief but not at all what I expected. I’ve always been told things happen for a reason and this is one of those things I guess. Naturally Jude had a lot of questions so I told him everything like everything I know about the baby and how I’ve been feeling as he wanted to know how I’ve been coping. It felt so good to finally tell him everything and he seemed so genuinely happy which allowed me to actually think about how excited I am too as that’s something I’ve pushed away until now. 
After a long conversation we both went silent and just took a minute to take in what has just happened. As we sat there Jude’s hand made its way to my shirt which he lifted up slightly and just rested his hand on my tiny bump. I watched as the smile on his face got even bigger than it was before I could see him look at my almost non existent bump with so much love that it almost made me cry. This whole thing doesn’t seem anywhere near as scary now that I know Jude is here to support me and I already know he’s going to be the best dad if he loves our baby this much already. 
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sexlapis · 1 year ago
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Ho! I loooooooveeee your actor toji fics! Is it possible to get added to the taglist? Thank you ~
Also an idea: a bts scene of reader getting sick on set(perhaps even collapsing) due to fatigue and toji taking care of them- I feel like that'd be such a hit ship moment irl :D
thank you for liking my fics <3 you can be added to the tag list 🩵.
and omg yeah i love that idea of reader overworking themselves and toji looking after them :’). and yeah i didn’t make it a behind the scenes clip i made a short fic abt it bc i do not know when to stop.. like give me an idea and i will fly away w it like a bird liek..i don’t even think this is what you asked for srsly…i hope you don’t mind (but i’ll add it to my tojiyn headcanons hehe)
cw: actor toji x actress reader, hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, swearing, petnames (‘kid’, ik people don’t like this one but i think it’s so sweet & so toji :)), collapsing, mentions of skipping meals/not eating, poor sleeping habits, feelings of loneliness & inadequacy, crying, toji taking care of reader, i made this way more angsty than you asked sorry :(
wc: 2k+
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you dragged yourself through the doors of the studio, immediately bombarded by directors, stylists, scrip writers and other cast members on your way to the dressing room, only fuelling your fatigue and stress.
sleep was a foreign concept at this point. five hours at most. so were healthy, filling meals - the last time you ate was yesterday at noon, and for breakfast today all you had was a cup of coffee, not helping your nervous, exhausted state.
admittedly, you were not doing very well. you felt that your acting was subpar and you felt lonely and isolated on set. while everyone went with their friends for a break or lunch, you sat by yourself in your dressing room, your only company being the silence.
sure, toji was also on set too, but he played a very minor role, so he wasn’t always there. and even when he was sometimes, he would hang out with the other crew members, which wasn’t a problem of course, but it did sting a little when he chose them over you.
you just felt so lonely, anxious and quite frankly upset at yourself and the circumstances you find yourself in.
there are a few knocks at your dressing room door and you weakly tell them to come in.
toji peeks is head in. “hey, kid. we start in five..” he takes a look at your weary face, dark eye bags prominent even through the makeup the stylists caked on and the frown on your lips and just knows something is wrong.
“are you ‘right?” he asks quietly, like you’re a deer who’s about to run away at the slightest of sounds.
“yes, i’m fine.” you lie, a voice in the back of your mind wishing he’d just ignore you like everyone else on this damn set does.
“‘you sure? ‘cause you don’t look-”
“i said im fine! just get out.” you snap, heart beating and breathing heavily at your own outburst.
fuck. you didn’t mean to say that.
but toji doesn’t look offended. he just nods and walks away footsteps fading as you put your head in your hands and sob.
so there you are, acting in front of the camera with your colleague in a scene where toji appears in too and you just seem off. everyone assumes it’s just not your day today and they’re not exactly wrong. you lines were slightly forced, tired and you were jittery and clearly apprehensive, like you didn’t even want to be here.
“cut!” the director calls out, more than annoyed with your behaviour. it was the sixth take and you’re really trying to make it believable, but it’s futile.
“this is the sixth take _____. this is ridiculous. get your act together. let’s take five.”
you look down at your shoes, face hot and chest thudding with embarrassment due to the director calling you out in front of everybody. tears well up in your eyes and you sigh, blinking them away as everyone starts talking again, walking away leaving you standing there like an idiot.
it all becomes too much for you. your empty stomach, oncoming headache, exhausted body, dry mouth, furrowed eyebrows, sweaty palms-
you let your script fall out of your hand as you stumble off the green screen, trying to get to your room before a hand is grabbing your arm. you turn around and it’s toji again.
“hey..” he leans down slightly to your height, scanning you over once. “you don’t look so good, _____-”
you shrug him off, vision becoming blurred with black static and limbs heavy and shaky. “i-i jus’ need to go. to my..uhm-” you stop, rubbing a hand down your face harshly. “i just-”
and then there is black.
౨ৎ
you come to and realise that you are laying on your dressing room couch, staring up at the ceiling. reaching up, you feel a wet, cool cloth on your head. you take it off. still fuzzy and body essentially lethargic, you try to sit up.
“hey, hey, hey.” toji whispers.
oh, toji’s here.
“take it easy.” he helps you sit up on the arm of the couch. he hands you a bottle of water and you drink it like a god.
“wait, what happened?” you ask, still confused and disoriented.
“you fuckin’ fainted that’s what,” he states bluntly. “scared the fuckin’ dogshit outta me.”
“oh.”
toji sits beside you on a chair, looking at you closely. you look down.
“the med team checked you out.” he tells you. “said you fainted, collapsed-whatever the fuck. ‘cos of stress and exhaustion. they even checked your blood sugar and said it was low as fuck.” he pauses. “not dangerously low,” he adds at the sight of your worried expression, “but.. low enough.”
you sigh, falling back on the couch. you think back to how the director shouted at you, how annoyed he was, and how humiliated you felt. tears start to form again and you cover your face with your hands, not wanting to cry in front of toji. you felt like you’ve had enough embarrassment for today.
toji leans forward. “what’s happening with you?”
the way he said it, so soft and concerned, makes the tears fall down and cause sobs to escape your mouth, hiccuped breaths falling from your mouth.
“hey, hey, hey..” toji coos. he reaches to you and makes you sit up again so he can take you into his arms. you let him, sobbing into his shoulder and sucking up all the comfort he gives you. toji’s big hand strokes your hair and the other caresses your back softly.
“shh, sh, sh…” he calms you down a little, you sobs turning into sniffles. he leans back and gives you space but his hands stay planted on your back. “tell toji what’s wrong.”
you hum sadly, looking down and gulping. “i’m..i’m tired. i wanna sleep..”
toji waits for you to continue. he can see you want to say more so he doesn’t hurry you along, he just rubs your back and nods to let you know you’re listening.
“i..” you take a breath, “i dunno what to do..i can’t do this fucking role.. i’m fucking tired half the fucking day and my so called colleagues don’t even like me!” you try to calm yourself down, taking another shaky breath. “and i just feel..lonely all the time..” you cry out the last few words, feeling another sob session coming up and toji pulls you close, letting you ruin his shirt with your tears as he rocks you back and forth in his arms.
“it’s okay, it’s okay..” he coos, resting his face in your hair.
you both stay like that for a few moments, you weeps dying down before toji talks.
“you can play this part, _____. ‘you have any idea how good your are, huh? you can act circles around half ‘these guys.”
you scoff, pulling your lips together. “i dunno about that..”
“‘m serious. _____, you can act, okay? ‘wouldn’t have made it this far if you couldn’t.”
“yeah but..this one’s hard..” you sigh, voice cracking but toji doesn’t let you start again.
“yeah, acting’s hard. but i can help you,” toji cups your wet face with his hands, wiping the tear streaks that paint you face, “we can all help you. the crew, your friends, that bitchass director. i’ll put a gun to everyone’s head to make them fuckin’ help you with this.”
you giggle at his seriousness and he huffs, relieved that you’re relaxing a little.
“they don’t hate you, y’know. everybody on set. the cast. they just think you’re a little shy and quiet. they don’t hate you, okay?” toji reassures you. you nod absentmindedly and he shakes your head from side to side to make you pay attention, making you smile, eyes crinkling even though they’re still tear stricken. “there she is..who the fuck could hate you, huh?”
“ugh, toji.” you roll your eyes, sniffling and rubbing your face. you pull away from him. “ugh..i just want my bed right now.”
“yeah..i know it ain’t my place but told the director that you’re taking a few days off. you need a break, kid.”
you didn’t even argue with him. you couldn’t.
“yeah, i do.” you agree.
suddenly, a loud rumble from your stomach erupts, it was like an earthquake.
toji laughs. “someone’s hungry.”
you groan. “‘m starving. haven’t eaten since yesterday.”
“we’re getting you something to eat.” he states, leaving no room for objections.
toji stands, holding his hand out for you to take. you do, his large, calloused hand dwarfing yours as he helps you stand up. “can you walk?”
“i will if there’s food involved.”
“that’s good.” toji chuckles, “how’s takeout sound?”
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a/n: had to write a whole fic abt this i apologise 🥸 will add the tag list later i just keep forgetting the users </3
1K notes · View notes
puck-luck · 8 months ago
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wedding crashers | jack hughes
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warnings: semi public sex, pining on jack's side, older!reader (jack is 22, she is 26), unprotected p in v (always... do as i do not as i say, wrap it when you tap it), fingering, dirty talk, insinuation of oral (m & f receiving) pairing: jack hughes x fem!reader request: "jack hughes and a slightly older reader (like idk 3 years older maybe), i feel like he’s so sassy and cocky that he would go nuts if he was able to get an older girl hahaha, maybe it could be like a challenge type situation where they were bantering over whether he’d be any good in bed bc he’s “just a baby” or something so he has something to prove.. 🫣" wc: 4167
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You’d first met Jack Hughes in 2015. You were at one of the USA Developmental games with Matthew, your best friend at the time, watching his brother play for the last time that year. Since it was Christmas just recently, this was the only time you’d get to see Matthew until who knew when. Even though it involved hockey, which always stole Matthew’s attention from you, you decided to join him anyway. It was Matthew that introduced you to the Hughes family, after you had commented on Quinn’s performance.
Jack was a goof from the get-go. He was fourteen when you met, so all of his attempts to flirt with you went nowhere. Well, they made it to the front seat of Matthew’s car, where you laughed about the younger boy’s boldness. He was a sweet boy, and cute in a way that made you want to pinch his cheeks, and you were able to watch him grow up and come into himself. 
Your friendship with Matthew had dwindled since he was drafted in 2016, but you were still close enough with his family to be invited to Brady’s wedding. It was there that Jack cornered you, hitting on you for the umpteenth time. Now, he was 22 years old, overconfident and cocky due to years of praise from not only his coaches and peers, but from every pretty girl that fell into his company. You were 26, mature and happy with the life you had made for yourself. 
Jack had never stopped chasing you, though it wasn’t an overbearing and constant chase. He was sure that he would conquer you someday, having never forgotten the way he rubbed himself raw after he had first met you and you had smiled in his direction. What can he say– he was fourteen and a pretty girl, an older girl had smiled at him. 
And, pleasantly tipsy, Jack had decided that today was that day.
He tore himself away from Luke, having delivered a new drink to his underage brother, and made his way to you. You were sitting with one of Brady and Matthew’s relatives, making small talk over a glass of white wine. Your legs were crossed in a way that Jack could only describe as dainty, your nails painted a pretty blush color that matched your dress. Jack licked his bottom lip when an image of your hand around his cock, with those painted nails contrasting the color of his member, flashed through his mind.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Jack said, not really feeling sorry at all. He turned to you. “I was wondering if you’d join me for a dance.”
You smiled and shook your head slightly, a small laugh falling from your lips. “Sure, Jack.” To the Tkachuk relative, you excused yourself, standing to take Jack’s extended hand. You took a sip from your wine glass, polishing off the drink. 
Jack truly couldn’t have chosen a better moment to ask you to dance, as a new song began and decided for you, due to its pace, that the two of you would engage in a waltz of sorts. Jack wasn’t much of a dancer, but he was able to box step in time with the music and lead you through the dance. 
You had given Jack a knowing look when his hand found its way to the small of your back, threatening to dip dangerously onto the curve of your ass. Your hand rested on his shoulder, the other in his hand, held close to your bodies. 
Jack pulled you close to him, mere inches between your bodies. You laughed again, your head dipping to fall on his shoulder for a split second. 
“What?” Jack asked as you flicked your hair from your eyes with a slight tilt of your head. “You’re supposed to be close when you dance.”
You rolled your eyes. “Whatever you say, Jack.” Your voice was light, almost sing-songy. “Your intentions are nothing if not innocent, isn’t that right?”
“I just want to dance,” Jack deflected, but the smile on his face told you everything you needed to know. His eyes were shining, both from the drinks he had consumed and the charged energy between your bodies.
You raised your eyebrows and pursed your lips, trying to suppress a smile as you and Jack continued to stare at each other. You broke first, looking away and shaking your head.
“What?” Jack said. “You don’t believe me?”
“No, I don’t believe you.”
“Oh, I’m hurt by that.” Jack pouted, his bottom lip jutting out in a way that caught your attention. It was plush and pink and just a little cracked from sun exposure. You knew Jack had spent the beginning of the summer out on the lake, and his skin reflected that– both tan and sunkissed at once. 
Though you hated to admit it, Jack had grown up to be very attractive. He glowed, especially in the summer, especially when he had a few drinks in his system and he had grown a little more brash and a little more bold.
“Poor Jacky,” You teased. You tilted your head down and blinked up at him through your lashes, saying in a baby-voice: “I hurt the little baby’s feelings?”
“You did,” Jack agreed, his pout just becoming more exaggerated. “How are you going to make it up to me?”
Your whole body moved with your laugh this time. “I suppose you’re about to ask me to kiss it better.”
“Well, I was hoping for more than just a kiss,” Jack said, chuckling at your laughter. He licked his bottom lip before biting it in a cheeky smile, the apples of his cheeks prominent and pink. His teeth were a sharp white contrast to the red dusting across his cheeks, but you found yourself growing fond of that shameless smile the more you saw it.
“Jack, you’re a baby,” You laughed. “In the real world, you’d have just graduated college. I know things are different because you’re a big, famous hockey player and you’ve been doing this job for years, but the fact of the matter is that you’re just too young for me.”
Jack was unscathed by your rejection, just like he always was. He didn’t even mind that your tone was borderline condescending, like you were talking to a five year old instead of a grown adult. 
“Plus, Jacky–” You smiled, itching to hammer the final nail in this coffin. “You can’t handle a grown woman.”
His eyes grew dark at that. “I can handle a grown woman,” He stated, voice definite.
You threw your head back, not quite laughing, but not quite rolling your eyes in exasperation either.
Jack’s hand left yours and found your jaw in a flash, bringing your face back to his. “I can handle a grown woman,” He repeated. His gaze flickered down to your lips. “Let me prove it.”
Your breath caught in your throat, eyes flickering down to his lips to match his motions. “In your dreams,” You denied, bringing your hand to his chest to put some distance between you.
Jack didn’t allow it. If anything, he pulled you closer. He pressed his hips into yours, took your hand off his chest and resumed its original dancing position. He tugged you tight to him, tight enough that you were looking over his shoulder and his mouth hovered right next to your ear.
“I’d be so good to you,” Jack whispered. Your eyes flickered around the room, but no one seemed perturbed by yours and Jack’s positioning. “I’ve had a long time to think about this, Y/N. Let me tell you what I’d do, what I have done in my dreams.”
You didn’t say anything, but the fingertips of the hand on his shoulder found the hair at the nape of Jack’s neck and stayed there.
“I always start by kissing you. Always. I’d start slow– just feeling how these pretty pink lips feel against mine. I’d wait for you to loosen up, to open your mouth and invite me in for more. I’m going to keep going slow, but I’m going to slide my tongue into your mouth and kiss you until I’ve figured out just what you taste like. Today, you’ll taste like your white wine at first, but I’m going to kiss you until I’ve deciphered your taste, Y/N.”
Jack moved his hand to your waist and squeezed gently.
“I’d start with my hands here, but I wouldn’t be able to help myself. I’ll start moving, feeling every inch of you. There’s not a part of your body where my fingerprints won’t be found. You won’t know what to focus on– when one of my hands is tangled up in your hair, the other one is going to squeeze your ass and really feel it out because I’ve been thinking about it for so long. And all the while, darling, I’ll be kissing you and stealing the breath from your lungs.”
You gasped at that, shifting closer to Jack. He smiled, knowing that he was closing in on the moment that he’d been wanting for the past eight years. His hand moved to the curve of your ass and you’re nearly helpless with it, or just unwilling to chide him for venturing that far. Jack made eye contact with Quinn over your shoulder and smirked, showing his teeth in a cheshire way.
He spoke again. “But then I’d bring my fingers down, won’t I? I’ve made you breathless, I’ve made you moan, I’ve got you begging for more– something you thought you’d never do. Yet here we are, and you’re always dripping for me.” 
By the end of his sentence, Jack’s voice was barely audible. You were straining to hear him, and his mouth was right next to your ear. You felt a bit breathless already, strung together by terrible stitching. Your resolve snapped when you felt his lips close around your earlobe, his teeth tugging at your skin gently.
You jumped away from him like you’d been electrocuted by his touch. You’re breathing heavily, chest heaving. 
Jack fared no better, standing in the same spot. You watch his chest rise and fall, the little bit of his skin you can see between his unbuttoned white shirt glistening. His mouth was slightly open, ready to whisper something else dirty in your ear. 
You looked him up and down like you couldn’t decide where to focus, like you were fulfilling a prophecy where Jack made you fumble where you once stood so sure.
In a second, you made your decision. You needed to see how this would end, needed to feel it for yourself.
You grabbed Jack’s hand and dragged him out of the reception hall, down the winding hallways until you’ve deemed that you’re far enough away from the party that no one would be able to find you if they came looking.
You shoved Jack into a closet– a closet, you thought to yourself, wanting to laugh at the absurdity. When you closed the door behind you and turned to find Jack’s eyes, he was waiting with a stoney face, not letting any of his emotions show. You’d have killed to know what he was thinking.
All you could do was nod, mouth opening and closing a few times, but never finding words. 
Jack tilted his head, his eyes flashing in the darkness.
“Please,” is the single word that ended up breaking the silence between you. 
Jack’s lips were on yours in the blink of an eye. His hands cradled your face and his kiss was insistent, bruising. He was slow, sure, but he was emphatic, unyielding. The kiss reflected the eight years of waiting that had passed before he got this chance. 
His hand pulled one of your legs up onto his hip before it circled around you to knead the skin of your ass. Your dress, already short because Brady and Emma had planned for a wedding in the dead of summer, rode up until your behind was barely covered. 
All the more for Jack to hold onto as his tongue made its way into your mouth.
You continued to kiss, breaking apart only to take a breath and recover, unbuttoning the rest of Jack’s shirt and pushing it down his arms. Your hands roamed his torso, feeling every muscle that Jack had worked so hard to build. 
Jack’s mouth traveled south, sucking along the skin of your neck. He bent down, both of his hands finding your thighs and lifting you. You wrapped your legs around him and ground down against him, finally getting some relieving friction from the sizable bulge that was pressing against his zipper. Jack moaned out loud, gasping at your movements. 
“What next?” You asked, grinding down again.
“What?” Jack replied, lost in the moment. His eyes met yours and they seemed cloudy, swirling with lust.
“After you, shit, after you touch me–” Your head tipped back as he pressed a kiss to your collarbone. “What do you do next, in your dreams?”
It took a minute to register for Jack, too caught up in the feeling of your pussy against his cock, even if there were multiple layers separating you. 
“I touch you,” Jack said, the obvious next action. “I don’t do anything, I just touch you. I use two fingers and I find every spot that makes you react. Once I’ve got you figured out, I–”
You cut him off. “Do it,” You told him. Your head felt light, almost dizzy, and you nodded like a bobblehead. “Do it.”
Jack let out a pathetic, wanton whimper at your command and walked forward until you were pressed against the wall. He shifted you over to that you were held up by his thigh and he brought one hand down to your panties.
He felt over the skimpy fabric, which was barely doing anything anymore. It was soaked, darkened with your slick, and briefly, Jack thought to take it off of you and pocket it to bring home as a souvenir. How dirty you would feel going back out to the reception… the thought of it nearly made Jack’s knees buckle. It would be a constant reminder that he’d won, that he’d managed to fuck you and satisfy you after thinking about it for so long.
He allowed his fingers to wander up and down the expanse of your pussy, cataloging how you whined when he rubbed over your swollen clit and how you clenched down when he pushed at your entrance through the fabric covering it. He noticed how your stomach tensed as he teased his way across your lips, running his finger over each curve and ridge. 
As if inspired by something divine, Jack pulled your panties taut, making them ride up into your cunt and provide some gratifying friction when you next ground down on his hand. Jack watched, eyes wide, as you chased your own pleasure. His hand was the catalyst and you were moving mindlessly, like he had already plucked every thought from your head and replaced it with desire for him.
“Fuck,” Jack choked out, feeling a spark zip up his spine. “Y/N.”
He said your name with such reverence, and flexed his hand against you like an offering. 
“Fuck me,” You said. Your hands found Jack’s hair and you pressed your lips to his. “Jack. I need you to fuck me. I need you inside me, I can’t– oh, need you to make me come. Baby, I’m so close already, I need you.”
Jack’s cock was throbbing like he might burst from the slightest breeze. There it was again– “Baby.” It didn’t mean the same thing now, Jack knew it was more of a term of endearment than an insult, but it lit a fire under him nonetheless. He was going to prove to you that he wasn’t a baby, that he was a man and in this moment, you were his. He was going to fuck you hard, like you’d never imagined he was able to do. He was going to make your legs shake, make it so you couldn’t walk or do anything but sit prettily at your table and sip on another glass of wine to cool you off.
He was going to make it so that the next time he saw you, you’d be begging him to make you come again.
Jack let your feet find the floor again, stepping back just far enough to get his hands on his belt. “Strip,” Jack commanded. “I want to see you.” At the same time, he unbuckled his belt and worked to remove his dress pants. He kicked them away, in a crumpled little pile near his dress shirt. His underwear joined shortly after.
You hurried to remove your dress, eyes locked in on Jack’s cock. It was a burning red at the tip, wet and straining. It stood away from his body, solid and you swore you might’ve just felt some drool pool at the corner of your mouth. 
His hand fisted his cock, eyes lasered in on your protruding nipples when you dropped your dress to reveal your body. 
Jack sighed, stroking himself slowly to keep himself at bay. “You’re better than I dreamed,” He said, causing you to blush.
“Jack,” You whined, aching for him to come closer, to slide inside you.
“Let me.” Jack stepped forward and got to his knees, gently bringing your panties down and helping you out of them. He dropped a kiss on your clit before standing again.
You brought an arm around his neck, your other hand placed solidly on his chest. You could feel his pulse racing wildly beneath your palm and you suddenly remembered that he’d been waiting to do this for years.
“Come on, Jacky,” You voiced. “Prove yourself.”
It was a weak command, a weak insistence, barely any indicator of sureness in your voice now. Jack had turned you inside-out, made you question everything because you never imagined you’d need him the way you do now. 
He practically growled and you could feel it rumble in his chest. He captured your lips with his, nibbling on your bottom lip before filling your mouth with his tongue. It was slippery and wet and it felt like magic.
Jack pressed the tip of his cock against your entrance, feeling the head slide in. He stopped there for a minute, breathing deeply into your mouth to ground himself. He couldn’t disappoint you, wouldn’t dare shoot off early and cut short the night that he’d been fantasizing about since he was a teenager.
“So good,” You breathed out, feeding the words to Jack. He dipped his head and inched further into you, moving slowly until your pelvis connected with his. 
“Fuck,” Jack whimpered out. 
His thrusts started shallow. Jack felt like you were constricting him, squeezing him like a snake in a cartoon. His voice was caught in his throat like an ugly lump and the only noises that could force their way past it were groans and “uh”s that borderline on squeaky. He didn’t care about the noises, he didn’t care that he could be embarrassing himself in front of the girl he’s wanted for so long.
It didn’t matter to you, either– you were too caught up in the feeling of Jack’s cock sheathed inside of you. He was pressing against your most intimate spots and you could feel him throbbing inside of you, dragging delectably along your walls.
His thrusts grew deeper, became longer, harder. Jack’s hair fell into his eyes and you brushed it away. His eyes met yours and the air between you felt thick and charged. You brought your hand to Jack’s jaw and leaned forward, connecting your lips.
This kiss was different. It was soft, intimate. Your tongues slid against each other, licking into each others’ mouths and swallowing each others’ groans and whimpers. You forgot for a few minutes that you were in a closet at the wedding of a man you’d known since you were children, fucking a man that you swore you’d never touch because he’s too young.
That man was quickly proving that he’s one of the best fucks in your whole life. 
Here he was, mouthing against your neck after moving away from your lips. He was making these desperate noises, thrusting into you like he’s taking a chance at something he’ll never have again. At the beginning of this night, you might have agreed that he’d never get another chance. Now, you can’t help but look forward to the next time you see him, when you’ll get your mouth on his thick, skillful cock. 
You told him such, and Jack fucked you harder as a result. His hands clutched at your waist, fingertips destined to leave bruises. 
His cock entering and leaving you caused the closet to fill with wet noises and the sound of the slapping of skin. That, paired with Jack’s pants and whines, pushed you further to the edge. Your climax wound up inside you, tense and heavy in your gut.
“Jack,” You said, voice pleading. “I’m close.”
A moan was ripped from Jack’s chest, sweat beading at his hairline. The look in his eyes was almost animalistic, capturing you in his gaze like you’re the only being that exists in the world.
“Please,” Jack panted out. “Come on my cock.”
The winding coil of your climax unravels as Jack continues to thrust his length into you, drawing himself almost completely out of you and then forcing his cock back into your cunt. Your release leaked down his shaft, coating him completely.
The vice grip of your pussy on his cock made Jack hesitate, made him stutter. He still didn’t want to shoot off, he didn’t want to fill you up with his come, because that meant that this would be over. His dream, journey, his conquest would be complete, and he’d have to find something else to lust after. 
He knew in his heart that he was still just Jack, just a younger hockey guy who you’d known when he was pimply and stick-like, one who could never fit into your life the way he wished he could. 
He’d almost rather torture himself, deny himself from his release, than have this end.
But end it must, and it ended with a breathy whisper of his name.
“Jack,” You mewled, twitching in oversensitivity. 
“Oh,” He groaned as his cock jumped inside you, your walls milking him for everything he has. His eyelashes fluttered as you seemed suddenly re-energized, fucking yourself on his cock as he came inside you. It was like his come brought you to life, something too powerful and symbolic for him, and Jack closed his eyes at the thought.
You came down together, eyes finding each other intermittently in the darkness, only when the other wasn’t looking. Your breaths synched, unknowingly, as you dressed yourselves. You were close enough that your elbows could bump as you pulled your clothes on, but both of you were too conscious of the tension to let it happen.
You finished dressing yourself first and you looked over to Jack, feeling something close to awe as he buttoned his shirt and left some skin exposed. You were drawn to it, wanting to reach out and reveal the curve of his shoulder, the dip of his collarbone, the ridge of his waist again and get your mouth on him, but you couldn’t move.
The tension felt like molasses, thick and heavy. Jack’s eyes met yours and you knew that the emotion in his eyes reflected your own: that you knew everything had changed and you didn’t know if it was for the better or for the worse. 
Jack opened his mouth to say something, but you shook your head. You made your way into his space, tilting your head up to meet his lips in a sweet, short kiss. You pressed something soft into his hands, then turned and left the closet, leaving Jack alone in the dark. 
He didn’t know how you knew, but you had handed him your ruined panties. He slipped them into the pocket of his pants, mentally noting to find his suit jacket and move the panties to the inside pocket of that garment. 
When he saw you again at the reception, almost a half an hour later, you were sipping a new glass of wine. Jack made eye contact with you over the glass and patted his pocket, the small lump of your panties still visible to those who looked closely, and he grinned to himself when he saw you blush.
He’d text you later that night, having bummed your number off of Brady years ago but never used it until now. It was a simple message, teasing and confident, bold like you had come to expect from Jack:
“lmk when u want to see what i can do w my tongue ;)”
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note: this might just be my magnum opus. this is my favorite thing that i've written in ages. i had toooo much fun with this. ...will write a part 2 when jack DOES show her what he can do with his tongue... maybe paired with another recent request i got about jack's current injury and what he is or is not able to do with his shoulder.
P.S. I'm not married to the title of this. It was kind of just something I threw out there. They do not crash a wedding. Although their behavior is certainly dramatic & would disrupt the wedding.
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pomegranateandblood · 1 year ago
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do you think you can do a wally clark fluff turned into smut maybe? i know you said you only do smut but i would love it if u could! thank u!
A/N: Heyyy. Welcome to my first fic for this blog. You wanted more fluff so I kept the smut a little bit on the down low for this, because usually I write full on smexy times. Thank you for requesting and Enjoy! ❤️🍍
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Friends
It was Homecoming week. You and the other ghosts were busy decorating the gym and painting posters to support Wally.
You were washing your hands and arms free off the dry blue paint as the brunette jock approached you. He seemed nervous.
„Everything okay ? You know it's the same routine as every year." You smiled looking at him through the mirror.
He had paint on his cheeks and arms, some even got into his ebony hair. „Look umm, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to be my date to the homecoming game?"
He was beet red, looking down at his hands. „-as friends of course."
You had to hold back a smile at his cute attempt not to make you flustered or embarrassed by his request.
Turning the faucet off, you dried your hands with paper towels before turning around. „I didn't guess you were the type to be ‚just friends' with a girl, football star."
You smirked playfully and he stared at you, mouth slightly open. „I- umm." he laughed nervously trying to find a right comeback.
„I guess I'm just not your type. Sadly." You clicked your tongue against your cheek before leaning close to his ear „Because I totally got a thing for tall, brunette jocks."
He sucked in a breath and before you could walk away held onto your arm. „It's a date. Wear a skirt."
You bit your lip as you nodded and walked away.
„Please" he added, his enthusiastic voice hollowing through the empty bathroom, making you giggle. Wally couldn't be not nice.
—-
As you waited for Wally in front of the stadium, you became more nervous. You really liked him and hoped that today you two could do something about the unresolved feelings.
Charly had helped you go through the wardrobe of the theatre club to find a skirt and matching outfit. Luckily they had just performed a more modern version of ‚Hairspray', resulting in you now wearing a pastel blue pleated skirt and a white tank top with a bow detail.
Good Thing that ghosts couldn't freeze bc else you definitely would've caught a cold in the chilly evening air.
„I hope I didn't make you wait too long, I couldn't find my jersey."
-
The date went well, Wally was enjoying the match.
After you two finished the fries and hot dogs he held your hand. Butterflies erupted in your stomach, flushing your cheeks.
„I got a gift for you." Wally said, taking out a box from the pocket of his letterman jacket.
It was a cardboard box, painted with the same paint you used for the posters.
„I found a necklace in the Lost and Found Box and the charm is wood. I wish I could give you something real and more special.“ Wally said as he opened the lid.
Inside was a silver necklace with a small pendant. The number 57. Wally‘s number.
You smiled. „It‘s perfect.“
Taking it out of the box, you fumbled with the clasp to put it on.
„I love it, Wally. Thank you" you said, touching the little pendant on your cleavage.
Your eyes drifted from his plush lips to his chocolate orbs, contemplating if you should kiss him. Before you could move, his hand touched your thigh at the seam of your skirt, burning your skin.
He licked his lips before leaning forward, giving you an innocent smooch. Noses to Nose he whispered. „I'm glad you don't want to be my friend."
The Hand on your thigh moved up to your hips and pulled you on his lap, your back pressed against the edge of the table. Being touched by him felt so good.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, capturing his lips again. He moaned into your mouth, which made you move your hips against his lap.
His hair was soft between your fingers and you slightly pulled at it. His hands snuck under your skirt, securing your hips on his crotch.
„Mmh is that why you wanted me to wear a skirt?" you teased, leaning your head back as he started kissing your neck.
The chuckle vibrated against the sensitive skin of your throat, right at your pulse point. You sighed.
„No, I just like the view of your legs. Even if it benefits me now." he groans.
You could feel the wetness of your panties as you tried to ease the friction between your thigh by pressing against him.
„Fuck, you want me to fuck you on this bench love?" He looks at you with dark eyes.
Wally must be uncomfortable in his tight football pants, so you pull at the strings securing it. „Yes please."
He helps you pull them off just enough to free his length, before he hungrily nips at your lips again.
His fingers pulled your panties to the side and you guided him inside of you.
Your other hand dug into the fabric of his football jersey and you moaned into his mouth. Placing his hands on your hips again, Wally thrusted up into you.
Your hips met his thrusts and you pulled away from his brusing kiss, trying to catch your breath.
„Wally" you moaned, clenching around him.
His lips explored your jawline down to your cleavage, biting and nipping. He would surely leave marks.
The edge of the table dug into your lower back with every thrust, but you didn't care. As long as the dark haired ghost kept on pleasuring you like this.
His Thumb found your clit, massaging with different paces, bringing you closer to the edge.
„Don't stop, please" you breathed, circling your hips more.
He kissed you again as he came, spilling inside you with a few sloppy thrusts.
You joined him, collapsing into his arms.
Wally held you, his hands caressing your back, finger playing with a few strands of your hair and you put your head against his chest, trying to spot his nonexistent heartbeat.
You realized neither of you talked about what this made you. A couple?
All you knew was that he made your heart flutter and your head dizzy. Hopefully this could last another lifetime. Or more.
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truthfulpoint · 5 months ago
Text
I just “unknowingly” fucked my gf’s best friend
Edit: story is split into 3 sections
1. Some background and context
2. The story
3. Where things get wild
Also sorry it’s really long. This just happened to me and I didn’t want to miss anything so I just typed as I recalled what happened. Also sorry for any errors, I didn’t proof read anything.
Some background and context:
I work mid shift at my work currently (11pm - 7am) so I have these not so great black out curtains that I don’t really use but I also have a sleep mask that I use a lot as it helps me stay asleep.
I have “jokingly” asked my gf a couple times if she’d be interested in a 3 some with one of her friends a couple times just feeling out how she would respond and she always said no without any hints of a maybe.
I have a couple kinks that my gf is well aware of. I love stockings/pantyhose/tights, whatever you want to call them. Idk why I just think they are sexy and I like the feel/look of them. I also really like being woken up into sexual situations. I’m always super horny right when I wake up and told my gf I would love to wake up to my cock in her mouth which has happened a couple of times but not often due to my gf not being horny throughout the day, only around the evening. Lastly we have restraints tied to each corner of the bed that my gf and I enjoy very much. We both use them on each other and pair it up nicely with my sleep mask.
I live in a one bedroom apartment. We have a queen size bed with a bathroom outside the bedroom and a living room on the other side of the bedroom wall. Our kitchen is attached to the living room. We have a decent sized couch in the living room as well
This happened today as I’m writing this about an hour ago and I don’t know what to make of it or if I should confront my gf about it and ask her (giving away the fact that I know what really happened)
My gf and I went to the same high school but never saw/talked to each other. We didn’t really know the other existed until a year after we graduated through a mutual friend
The story:
So my gf (let’s call her Sarah) had one of her best friends from high school come visit and stay with us for a couple days (let’s call her Kate). I was crushing on Kate hard in high school but never told anyone or made a move. Kate is about 5’4” with an athletic build. She played soccer so she had a nice toned ass and was very fit. She had long black hair and very pretty green eyes. She flew in Thursday morning and is leaving Monday morning. Sarah told me the plan, they were doing something everyday like going to the beach or downtown and I had my own plans so it was going to be a great time for the two of them to catch up.
Me and Sarah got Kate from the airport around 10am Thursday and got to our apartment. Kate said she was tired and didn’t want to go out and do anything so we just hung out for a bit and I had to go to sleep at noon because I had to be at work that night. I make my self some sleepy time tea with melatonin in it like I always do before bed bc it helps me stay asleep. Then I go to bed like normal while they are catching up in the living room. I wake up and start getting ready for work. I go to the bathroom to shower and see that Sarah and Kate are still talking but there are a few drinks on the coffee table next to them and they seem to be whispering and giggling more than just catching up.
I shower and then make sure to help get Sarah get Kate’s bed (the living room couch) all set up to sleep in. I say bye and go to work. I get off work and head home. It was a rough day and I just need to get some sleep. Normally I try to pull through and stay up until noon to stay on a schedule but often times I’ll pass out right when I get home. I open my apartment door and the first thing I see is Kate.
She laying down sideways on the couch with the blanket over her fast asleep. I try to be quiet as it’s 7:30am and I don’t know how late they stayed up. I keep looking at her thinking about how attractive she is. Fantasy thoughts come across my brain. I think what if I just came up and started eating her out or fingering her. I think it but I would never actually do anything like that. I’m very respectfully of my relationship and I would never do anything without consent but the sexual though keep rushing over me.
I brush it off and go to the bedroom, Sarah is sleeping too so I quietly get a change of clothes out the dresser and go to the bathroom to shower. I normally come out the bathroom in just my underwear but knowing we have company I put shorts and a shirt on too. I get out and go to the kitchen to make some sleepy time tea and see that Kate is already awake. The blanket is over her still with one arm under it and the other arm over it holding her phone. I guess I was more hornet than I thought bc I immediately pictured her touching herself under the blanket. I say good morning and ask if my shower woke her up.
She said no she didn’t even hear the shower she just woke up naturally. I start boiling water in the tea kettle and ask if she wants any tea. She says “sure what kind do you have?” As she gets up and starts walking into the kitchen. She’s wearing a baggy oversized t shirt and I’m assuming some short athletic shorts that I can’t really see bc the shirt covers them. I can tell she doesn’t have a bra on immediately and try not to get caught looking. I do t know about bra sizes but I’d guess Sarah has C cup. They are pretty decent size but Kate’s are definitely bigger. Not by a lot but bigger.
Kate walks over and I open the pantry saying “pretty much just sleepy time and normal green tea”. She stands in front of me looking into the pantry and I can smell her hair which smells amazing. She slightly leans over to grab the green tea and I can’t help but look at her ass that’s still so pronounced even though her shirt is draped over it. “I’ll just have the green tea then” as she hands me the green tea box.
I make the tea and we sit together on the couch enjoying it. Just small talk the entire time. Not any hints of any sexual undertones or anything. So I finish my tea and tell her I’m going to bed. I put everything away and go to bed. I stripped to my underwear, put on my sleeping mask and fell asleep.
Where things get wild:
I wake up not knowing what time it was (I’m assuming around 8pm bc that sleepy time tea really works at keeping me asleep). I can immediately tell that my underwear is off and I’m restrained. My legs and arms are spread apart and tied to the bed. I pretend to stay asleep as I know that this means sexy time. I woke up with a full on boner and no way was that going down now that I knew what was coming. I don’t move or make any noise or change my breathing but I can tell it’s still pretty lit up in the room by natural light through a crack in the sleeping mask by my nose. I can only see a sliver of my surroundings and only when looking down towards my nose.
I want to look around and see if my gf Sarah is about to go down on me but I do t want her to think I’m awake so I stay still and wait. That’s when I hear the faintest whispering from the living room. Right away I remember that Kate is here so my head gets thrown into confusion
“Is my gf going to do this with her in the apartment?”
“Is Kate going to leave the apartment for a bit”
“Am I supposed to try to be quiet when I pretend to wake up”
A wave of confusion rushes over me as I’m trying to figure it out.
I can tell that there’s two sets of whispers so I know no one is in the bedroom. I take my chance to look around without my head making too much noise on the pillow. First thing I see is my dick has gone soft after the wave on confusion hit my brain. Second thing I see is that the bedroom door is wide open! This blows my mind. “How could Sarah leave the door open??? What if Kate saw me?” Nothing else in the room seems off so I lay there and wait.
I hear the front door open and then close so I think ok Kate is probably going on a walk for a bit. Ok everything makes sense to me now and I can relax and enjoy what my gf is about to do to me. I hear her walk into the bedroom and sit next to me on my right side. She grabs my still soft cock and starts playing with it and stroking it. My gf Sarah is also 5’4” with an athletic build just not as skinny as Kate. Sarah has very small hands so it feels amazing wrapped around my cock and makes it feel bigger than it actually is. It feels good but I’m debating internally when to stop fake sleeping.
She leans over from my right side and slowly puts the tip of my cock in her mouth. It feels amazing! The warmth and the wetness of her mouth. I can feel her lips wrapped around my head and her tongue slowly going back and forth. My dick gets bigger and bigger in her mouth. She moved her hand from the top by her mouth to the base of my cock and then puts all of me in her mouth. I let out a moan. The cover is blown now. She keeps going all the way up and down. I keep letting out soft moans and start wiggling my legs around a little. It feels amazing and I want more.
Now that she knows I’m awake I feel way more free to move around so I decide to try and watch her suck on my cock through the crack in my mask but she moves right before I could look. She put her left leg over me and when I look all I can see is smooth skin right in front of my face. She is in 69 position and I’m all about it. I can feel her feet on my arms which is how I found out she’s wearing pantyhose. Right away that turns me on even more as she plants her pussy right on my mouth. I get to work and start licking her up and down. Then flat tongue going side ways on her clit. While all of this is happening she’s sucking my dick like never before. It feels amazing.
Normally when my gf and I 69, she stops sucking me after a while and lets out a couple moans of pleasure from what I’m doing. This hasn’t happened as she keeps sucking. One hand holding the base and the other holding my balls. I feel like I’m going to cum soon it’s too good. My jaw starts getting sore so I switch to penetrating her with my tongue. I slid my tongue inside her and it doesn’t taste how it normally does. That’s confused me for a second but I think nothing of it and instead concentrate on how tight she feels around my tongue.
She stops sucking when I put my tongue in her and lets out a moan. Very hot but her moan immediately makes me question if this was really Sarah. Everything started to seem like it was connecting. The blowjob felt better than usual, her pussy tasted sweeter, her moan didn’t sound like Sarah’s normal moans, and now I feel like I can smell Kate’s hair. I don’t know if I’m overthinking it or if I’m just imaging/fantasizing that it is Kate and choose to ignore it for now while I’m eating her out.
She gets off me and goes to my nightstand that has condoms in it, pulls one out and puts it on me. I can see her hand putting it on but not much else. At this point I’m like 70% certain that this is Kate which has me going wild inside. And just the thought I might get to fuck her has sparks flying inside. She gets on me revers cowgirl about to slide my cock inside her and that’s when I get the best view. I see her ass hovering over my dick. I can see she’s wearing thigh highs that go up to the crevasse her ass makes on her thigh. They are so smooth and have a lace design at the top. I pan my view up and see Kate’s black hair up in a bun and her slim figure over me.
Before all the questions about how or why this is happening rush in she sits on my cock. No waiting or beating around the bush she shoves me inside of her like that’s the only thing that’s been on her mind for the past week. I can feel her pussy gripped around my cock. She’s so tight, tighter than my gf. It’s very warm and wet. She’s so wet it slid in no problem. We both let out a moan as we were sharing this amazing feeling together. I can’t stop looking at her ass planted on me. Her body is amazing and I want her. I feel her lean forward and grab my ankles. She starts riding me like the good girl she is. A perfect tempo not too slow or too fast. I’m watching her dripping from her pussy as my cock keeps sliding in and out. Her moans alone would be enough to make me cum. She sounds so sexy and I love knowing that she’s enjoying it.
I keep moaning too and start talking dirty to her. I tell her to keep going just like that. Just like the good little slut she is. She loves it and moans louder and louder. I keep telling her she’s my good girl. I want to break these arm restraints more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I want to grab her ass and waist and take control but I can’t. She has all the control right now. Her moans get louder and longer which make me go crazy. Her pussy sliding up and down my cock has brought me to my limit. I can’t possibly hold it in anymore no matter how hard I try. And I dont want to. I don’t want to try to think about something not sexy to delay it. I want to stare at her ass bouncing on my cock when I come. Where I am is where I want to be. I tell her I’m about to come and she doesn’t change anything. She doesn’t stop or speed up she just keeps going and says “cum in me daddy”
I cum so hard inside of her and she stops riding. She’s sitting all the way down on me letting my cock reach the deepest part of her as it pulses and pulses spewing cum out. She’s breathing hard and asks “did you like that?” I say “fuck, that was amazing”
I don’t know if she has given up on trying to be discrete about not being my gf or just got too caught up in how good everything felt bc she was talking. Saying dirty things like cum in me and did you like that. Before I could dive into deeper thinking about this situation she gets off me and turns around. She still straddling me just facing towards me now. I’m too scared to look through my mask bc idk what would happen if she found out I could partially see. I feel her scoot up my body. She hovers her pussy over my face and adjusts her legs. She slides her feet under my shoulders and grabs my hair with both hands careful not to move my mask.
She doesn’t want any teasing or slow play at all, Kate put her pussy right on my mouth as I stuck out my tongue and started grinding on it. Moving her hips forward and back gliding her clit on my flat tongue. She let out soft moans and a sighed “fuck” a couple times but this time as if she was holding it back realizing she shouldn’t be talking.
She stops moving and lets me do all the work. I suck on it a little bit and then start going sideways with my tongue flat on her. I can tell that’s what feels best for her bc of her moans and body movement. I switch to a circular motion and that was the golden ticket. She moans so loud without caring who can hear. Her lags clasp around my head and I can feel them shivering. She keeps shivering and moaning for a bit and is pushing my head away from her pussy because I’m assuming she doesn’t have the strength in her legs to lift herself up. Finally she calms down and lays next to me with her arm and leg draped over me.
I can see her leg over my stomach. Her smooth sexy leg in thigh highs. I wish I could use my hands and feel her. Feel her entire body. She leans over me and starts kissing me. Another dead giveaway that she isn’t my gf. Her making out is way different. She stops and I catch a glimpse of over her breasts. They are unbelievable. Bigger than Sarah’s and more rounded. I could see a small freckle on her chest too which was very attractive to me. I wanted to grab them and lick them so bad. She’s made me so horny I’m ready for round two but she gets up and I can hear her go into the bathroom.
I hear a flush and the sink. Then after a minute she comes out and takes off my condom. She has a rag and starts cleaning me up. I can see she has changed into a normal shirt and short shorts. She finishes cleaning me up and sits in between my legs. She starts slowly stroking me with her left hand while what looks like texting in her right hand. I’m rock hard now wanting more of her. She pauses for a couple seconds with her hand at the base of my cock a couple times. The she does the same thing but this time with her sucking on the head of my cock. I can see what she’s doing. She’s taking selfies with my cock in her mouth. I realize she was taking pictures of it before the selfies too. This just made me hornier. The thought of her doing that seemed sexy to me.
She then walks into the living room after closing the bedroom door. I’m left laying there wanting more and also so content with the most amazing but of my life. After a while I hear the front door open followed by some whispers and quiet giggles. The bedroom door opens and my mask comes off. It’s Sarah and she started undoing my restraints. She says “did you like that? Did it feel good?” I tell her yes and ask if she did too. She said yes and told me that Kate just got back from the gas station down the road and told me to clean up and get dressed quietly as to not leave clues to Kate what happened.
I agree a see the picture now. I’m guessing it was preplanned that Sarah was to let Kate fuck me under the condition I didn’t know it was Kate but cmon it was so obvious. 100% no doubt in my mind that was Kate and it was so lousy how they tried to hide that. I’m sure even Kate knew she had given away her identity multiple times and I’m sure Sarah knew there was no way I wouldn’t figure it out but whatever I’ll play along I guess.
I go to the living room and we all hang out like we don’t all know what just happened. Kate and I keep looking at each other pretty flirty and now I can’t stop imaging her naked and wanting to rail her on my bed. Kate and my gf went out to a cafe and now you’re caught up to the present.
I don’t know if I should tell Sarah that I know about everything that happened and ask her a ton of “why” questions or just keep everything to myself. I want to tell her so I can ask why she was fine with it after telling me she wouldn’t want a 3some with me and her friends but I also want to not say anything because I love the taboo feeling. I also do t know if I should confront Kate about it or not. I don’t know if that would be out of Sarah’s boundaries or not. I also really want to ask Kate how the pictures turned out to see how flustered I can get her.
Any advice is welcome and appreciated as I have no idea what to do or how to play this situation. Thanks for reading and sorry if it was too long or if there were any errors. I didn’t proof read.
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dovveri · 8 months ago
Text
misunderstandings
bachelorette masterlist - part 1 ▸ part 2 ▸ part 3 ▸ part 4 ▸ part 6 ▸ part 7
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synopsis: y/n watches the most recent episode of the bachelorette and is met with something she doesn’t like. sana also seems to be angry for whatever reason and it builds up into a big argument at the end of the night.
warnings: sex! overstimulation, fingering, scissoring, oral sex, degradation, choking, cursing
w/c: 7.1k
a/n: soooo sorry for the delay this will probs be my last update for a while bcs finals season is driving me up a wall (if u see me post another story or part its bcs im actually not studying and u should yell at me for it) i lwk hate the pacing of this chapter i feel like its everywhere but hey! we got some smut!
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩
the backlash wonsik gets online is more than satisfactory. apparently, with all the evidence piled up against him, he would most likely be sent away for the rest of his life. which is disgusting to think about, how much crime do you have to commit to get a life sentence? you try to shake those thoughts as you watch the most recent episode with the leftover contestants while sana’s on her individual date as usual. it was tradition now, even more so as the pool of contestants gets smaller and smaller.
after your day off, things had gotten right back to normal.
sana went on a solo date with jacky. good thing it was jacky too because they had the famous ‘conquer a fear’ date. who knew big, australian jacky was afraid of balloons. and in typical bachelorette fashion, producers came up with a romantic hot air balloon date for 5am in the morning.
costume designers had rushed into your room at 4am, turning on all the lights and pulling sana from your arms, not even casting you a second look now that they were used to seeing the both of you cuddled up and naked most of the time they had to come in and dress you.
you were barely conscious as they ran around frantically, pulling the covers over your head and groaning a little, trying to make yourself go back to sleep.
you’re sure sana didn’t feel the best either from the little grumbles and whines you can hear faintly as she struggles to keep her eyes open while makeup artists dab eyeshadow on her eyelids.
soon enough they're off and you drift back into sleep, only to be awoken a few hours later so you can get dressed and attend the group date for the day.
that was also pretty fun. everything was meant to be high-adrenaline, facing your fears, all that sort of stuff today. so the team had booked out a big amusement park and you all had free rein. it was also good because it meant you had a little bit more freedom, not everyone had to stick together so people ended up splitting naturally when they wanted to do different rides and you had even managed to sneak sana away from the cameras for a quick make out session in the toilets.
it was a pretty great day and would make for a nice and light episode after the mayhem that happened with wonsik. there was a rose ceremony as always but this time, only 2 people were eliminated. unfortunately you had to say goodbye to dae and nayeon, sana did say it was getting harder and harder to eliminate people because as the more time goes on, the closer you get, and when there's less people in the house, it also facilitates closer relationships. she had to eliminate those two simply because she felt her romantic connection with them wasn't as strong as it was with some of the other contestants. it was rough but that's showbiz.
after 2 more eliminations tonight, it would officially be the quarter finals meaning it would be time for sana to meet all of her last 4 contestants' families and close ones.
currently, you're enjoying an afternoon tea at the contestants' house. as usual, sana was on a solo date with jiwon but there wouldn't be a group date today because there wasn't enough time to film it. instead, the both of you were allowed a little sleep in after yesterday's rude 4am awakening, and a little more time in the afternoon to dress up before the rose ceremony tonight.
the episode had just finished with jacky and sana's date. jacky still won't go near a balloon and he's probably developed a fear of heights on top of that too now but at least it looked pretty on television.
you had teased him when the episode showed him nervously walking around and inspecting the hot air balloon before sana had to basically yank him into the basket. he had his eyes shut tight the entire time, holding on to sana for dear life while they ascended. it was a little cute when sana finally managed to get him to peek his eyes open once they reached their highest altitude, just in time to catch the sunrise, and in exchange for getting over his fear and not backing out of this date with her, she gave him a rose and kissed him on the cheek.
you heard afterwards from eunji that as soon as they touched back down he had jumped out of the basket and laid face down in the grass for about half an hour, just getting used to the feeling of being on the ground again.
they had caught a bit of him on the floor doing exactly that which was pretty hilarious because sana was crouched next to him, poking him and trying to get him to sit up but he just groaned and mumbled something incomprehensibly in response, his rose still clutched tight in his hand, stretched out in front of him.
they cut it off there though, maybe a little for jacky's reputation but you all knew how long he was there for.
after a short break where they show a few scenes of silly occurrences inside the house with the other contestants, and then finding out everyone was invited on the group date that day, except for jacky who was invited but ended up taking the rest of the day off to recuperate and basically laid in bed in the medical office, even skipping the rose ceremony since he already got his rose.
they shot everyone in the car on the way to the amusement park, asking the contestants what they thought was going to happen, if anyone was scared, trying to pull a few comedic clips together, all the anticipation scenes the audience needed to be excited for the date.
eventually, everyone's in the middle of the amusement park with sana and yourself waiting for them in casual clothes. you shift a little as you recall the way you had her gasping into your mouth and your hand up the blue polo shirt she’s wearing on screen only 20 minutes after the introduction and everyone had split off.
in the meantime, while the cameras were running around frantically trying to find sana, they had filled in the gaps with clips of the other contestants, you laugh when momo is practically dragged onto a rollercoaster by jihyo and jun, she’s kicking and screaming but they manage to strap her in and gesture for the roller coaster attendant to go. its one of those really fast ones where it goes from 0 to 100 in seconds so the force pushes all of them back against the seats, poor momo barely has the time to blink and then its over. she’s gasping with her eyes clenched shut while the other two are laughing and pulling her off and along to the next ride.
it’s great being able to watch what happened when you weren’t on screen, and also what sana was up to when you weren’t with her.
you laugh when they show all the contestants clambering onto the carousel, you had all taken some group pictures and some of them were more than silly.
eventually, you get to the rose ceremony, and just as you were on the night, your breath is taken away again with sana in a stunning red dress. she really nailed being on camera, her face was one that was meant to be on screen.
the night starts merrily, everyone's more of a family now, you’re all happy to drink and talk together, and it wasn’t so competitive to get time with sana anymore because there were less contestants.
you frown a little though when the camera shifts to sana and jihyo, they’re sitting very close in one of the more private rooms inside the house.
jihyo’s playing a joke and sana’s laughing, a little flushed, probably from the alcohol as she slaps jihyo’s arm lightheartedly. jihyo preens at the attention, grabbing another drink and offering it to sana who accepts it gratefully and takes a sip.
she hums in satisfaction before speaking up, “so you never did tell me how you broke up with that gym rat…”
jihyo’s laughing a little nervously, twiddling her thumbs a little, “right yeah… i just realised that i made the wrong decision. i was caught up in the newness of everything with him but after that got old, i realised i still loved-“
sana’s eyebrows are shooting up, she’s setting down her drink and clearing her throat.
“sorry.” jihyo flashes an apologetic look over at sana, but sana shakes her head.
“no no it’s okay. be as honest as you can, please. we’re both here because we’re looking for a relationship right? can’t do that if we have any skeletons still in the closet.”
jihyo’s smiling gratefully and then continuing, “he wasn’t it for me. that’s why i broke up with him. i’m sorry for the way i treated you sana, you didn’t deserve that, you never did anything wrong in our relationship and i never really gave you a reason to why we broke up. i hoped by coming on here i may be able to win back a second chance.”
sana hums again, taking a moment to think while jihyo nervously looks at her with wide eyes.
“jihyo… you hurt me a lot when you left.”
“i know! and i’m so so sorry for that! i never want to do that to you again, all i’m asking for is another chance sana.”
she’s shuffling closer, grabbing sana’s hands tightly and imploring with her eyes.
sana looks down at their hands together, taking a breath before looking back up, "look... i'm not going to lie to you... i never really did get over you completely."
what?
"and i wouldn't have kept you in here for this long if i wasn't curious about what you had to say and if i wasn't ready to give you a second chance."
what the actual fuck?
"it wouldn't be fair though. to the other contestants, y'know? if they knew you had a head start. and i admit i was avoiding you a little because i wanted to even the playing field and get to know everyone else first before revisiting this." she makes a gesture with her hands, signaling between the two of them. "so its nice to finally be able to sit down and get a clear answer about what happened in the past."
jihyo looks more and more hopeful as sana goes on, your hands only get tighter around the fabric of your pants. sana didn't tell you about this conversation last night. sana hasn't mentioned anything jihyo related. whenever you ask, she's always managed to change the conversation or misdirect you with the promise of sex. was this why? is this how she really felt about jihyo? did she think you would disapprove? well you do disapprove but that was besides the point.
all of the other contestants don't seem too shocked with this news. it's not too surprising though because they've all lived with jihyo and the one thing they all have in common is sana so there's no doubt they've all discussed each other's feelings for sana, and jihyo probably told them their history as well.
you're fuming though. you can't believe sana didn't tell you something this important. that you're finding this out along with the rest of the country when you were meant to be her best friend here, the one person who was supposed to know everything before everyone.
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩
the rest of the afternoon goes by in a blur. you can vaguely tell when someone comes up to you and tries to initiate or bring you into the conversation but your mind is swirling with information about sana and jihyo, their past interactions, whether you could decipher any of sana's feelings from observing her.
eventually, it's time for the rose ceremony again and you're still in your head about everything you thought you knew happened yesterday.
you have half the mind to pull sana aside and ask her about it but when you meet sana's eyes, she squints a little and looks away quickly with signs of a pout in her lip.
the night continues like this, the two of you stealing glances at each other only when you think the other isn't looking. when sana starts pulling jihyo aside though, you don't care if she sees the look of disbelief on your face, she doesn't seem to notice anyway, all cozied up to jihyo.
you're averting your head again and downing the rest of your drink in one gulp.
when it's time to read out who gets a rose and who's going home, you're stiff standing next to sana, she's purposely avoiding your gaze as well. the tension between you two was so thick jiwon had come up and asked if something had happened between you two. and technically nothing did happen so you don't really know why sana seems to be angry with you when you were the one who was hurt by yesterday's episode.
the ceremony is brief, you have to say goodbye to jun, and eunji unfortunately but you can barely give them a proper hug as you stare at jihyo who's now made the final four.
after your goodbyes you quickly make your way towards the car, tapping your foot impatiently while waiting for sana to finish saying her goodbyes so you could both go home.
unfortunately, that takes another 20 minutes and you're just about to tell the driver to leave without her when she's sliding into the car, still avoiding your gaze and sitting on the opposite end of the car. normally she's all over you, needing affection after a big day but now you're pretty sure if she moved any further away she'd be falling out the window.
that was fine though. it’s not like you wanted to have an argument with her while the driver could hear you anyway.
the car’s pulling in and she’s opening her door and stalking inside the house without even a second glance towards you.
what the fuck? why was she mad at you now?
you feel almost childish copying her actions and making sure to slam the door on the way in, but if she was acting like this for no reason that only infuriated you more.
you find her in the kitchen, tapping her foot impatiently and waiting for you to come in.
once you’re standing on opposite sides of the counter, you cross your arms and still. she’s leaning on the counter with her hands, staring you down. there was no way you were going to be the first to break. she was the one who had some explaining to do right now, not you.
sana's stubborn as well though, lips pursed and not backing down.
it goes on like this for a few minutes before you finally break, raising an eyebrow and asking coldly, "so do you have anything you want to say to me sana?"
sana scoffs, the tips of her ears red, "do you have anything you want to say y/n?"
"what? no! i don't even know why you're being like this right now! i'm the one who's been left in the dark here."
"oh you're the one who's been left in the dark huh? unbelievable that you're still lying to my face about this. is that how you really feel about her?"
"excuse me?! it doesn't matter how i feel about her! the whole issue is how you've been dealing with this situation!"
sana sneers, your voices getting louder and louder trying to top each other, "this again? seriously y/n? i'm my own person and i'm allowed to have opinions on who i like and who i don't like! if she's being weird or sneaky or whatever i'm going to call her out on it!"
you scoff, "yeah right. like you called her out on it last night? and tonight as well i bet. why did you take so long saying your goodbyes huh?"
sana goes beet red and you think you've got her, "what?! what are you talking about?! and i stayed behind to say proper goodbyes to everyone! not like you apparently who couldn't care less, you barely talked to anyone tonight, when jun, and eunji, who was one of your closest friends here right?! when they had to leave you didn't even look them in the eye when they hugged you!"
"riiiiiiiiiight and you expect me to believe that? you weren't cuddling up and getting a quickie in before you had to go right?"
"what?! what are you talking about y/n?! quickie- what?"
"with jihyo! you stayed behind to talk to her didn't you!?"
"what?! well yeah i did but what does jihyo have to do with any of this?"
"what?! i've been talking about jihyo this whole time what do you mean?"
she's slipping something out of her suit pocket and sliding it across the counter to you. your phone.
"are you fucking serious y/n? you've been talking about jihyo this whole time? what the fuck? why the fuck are you suddenly bringing her up? you're the one who's been going behind my back getting all flirty and friendly with miyeon! after you told me you were just friends?! calling each other babe and sweetie and honey in your texts, how the fuck did you even get her number anyway? how long have you been talking to her huh? how long have you been fucking me while talking to someone else?"
you're scrambling for your phone, unlocking it and scrolling to your messages with miyeon. fuck. sana must have read everything. you don't even remember leaving your phone behind but it must have been with her since the morning. you scroll down the texts and see the most recent messages miyeon has texted you today and you find that sana has been replying to her.
"are you serious sana?! why the fuck did you go through my phone?"
sana turns her head at that, pouting a little, "i didn't mean to! she just kept on texting and i thought it must have been something important if your phone kept going off so i just went in to make sure everything was okay! how was i supposed to know you were basically sexting her behind my back!?"
"we were not sexting oh my god sana! miyeon is my friend we're just friends!"
"why have you been keeping this from me then?! you must like her or something then don't you?!"
"what?! no! and don't talk to me about keeping secrets right now sana!"
"what secrets have i kept from you?!"
"hello?!" you're waving your hands around frantically, "the whole jihyo situation?! why didn't you tell me you never got over her?"
"i never got over- what?!"
"you said so last night! on national fucking television! don't play dumb with me right now sana, and don't try and change the topic on me!"
"i never said that! are you being serious right now? jihyo and i split and it took me a while but you were there for it all! you saw me at my lowest and you helped build me back up! i am over her!"
"why is she in the final four then?"
"oh my god y/n you cannot seriously still be talking about jihyo! i'm over her! the producers wanted her to make it to the final four because they thought they could add some drama in during the home visits or whatever! jihyo and i talked about it last night and i told her why she was still here because i didn't want to keep leading her on! that's why i stayed for longer after the rose ceremony, i just wanted to check on her and make sure she was okay with all of this because i still care about her! i loved her at one point in my life!"
"that's not what i saw in last night's episode!"
"what?!"
"yeah! you and jihyo were all close and snuggly and she told you she still loved you and you said you were going to give her a second chance!"
"y/n i never said any of that." the rage has lifted slightly now, replaced with confusion.
you're breathing heavily, tired from arguing, you and sana had more fights these few weeks that you've been filming than you've had your entire lives together.
you tap out of your messaging app, going to tiktok and searching up last night's bachelorette episode, scrolling past all the funny jacky moments and amusement park shorts, trying to find the part where jihyo and sana were talking. someone had to have posted about it.
"are you serious right now? are you fucking texting miyeon while we're talking?"
"what?! no! sana i told you miyeon and i are just friends! i'm trying to find a clip of you and jihyo last night to show you what i'm talking about!" you find one then and quickly hold it out for sana to see.
she watches the clip replay a few times while you wait defiantly.
after the seventh replay you take your phone back, sighing when you think she has nothing to say for herself.
“y/n…”
“want to explain yourself now? anything else you wanna divulge while you’re at it?”
“what? no y/n i didn’t say any of that. they edited that together. i didn’t say any of that to jihyo i promise.”
you look at her in confusion, looking back to your phone, and then back to her.
“i did pull jihyo aside and we did talk but i never told her that i didn't get over her. y/n you have to believe me baby i- i can call the producers right now, they'll clear everything up." she's reaching for her phone, but the immense relief that she doesn't still have feelings for jihyo washes over you and brings you to action. moving around the counter and taking her phone from her and wrapping her in a hug.
she stills against you, and you're both surprised when you feel your own tears falling down your face, the tension of the night finally getting to you.
"y/n..."
"i'm sorry. i'm sorry i do believe you. this all seems so silly now i hate when we fight. i overreacted with the whole jihyo thing and it could've been solved so easily if i'd just talked to you instead of..."
sana softens against you, wrapping her arms around your waist and carding a hand through your hair. "it's okay baby. i'll talk to the producers tomorrow and make sure they don't pull anything like that again. and after the home visits i promise jihyo is the one who'll be going home."
you sniffle a little, "you don't have to do that for me sana. i swear i was just being..."
"hmm?"
"i don't know i'm tired sana. can we go to bed?"
she hums against you, pulling you both towards the bathroom for your nighttime routines. once you're done, you're climbing into sana's bed and picking up your phone again, scrolling back to your messages with miyeon while waiting for sana to finish her routine and join you.
y/n: heyy sorry i just got my phone back, sana's had it the last few hours because i left it behind so if i seemed weird over text it's because she was messaging you
miyeon: oh it's okay! i did think you sounded a bit off but i just chalked it up to u not feeling well or something. was sana mad when she found out we were texting?
y/n: 😂 how did you know?
miyeon: well i was on the receiving end of her jealousy when she texted me today so that was one clue 😂
y/n: jealousy?
suddenly your phone starts vibrating and miyeon's name flashes across the screen. you pick up hesitantly, "hello?"
"y/n! hey! it's good to actually hear your voice again!"
you chuckle a little, "you too princess. what's up?"
"nothing really, i just wanted to see where your head's at with sana now."
"what do you mean?"
"remember the conversation we had the night i got kicked out? while you were drunk?"
you squint a little, shuffling around in the sheets, "kinda... why?"
"i noticed the way you looked at her, the way you talked about her, even on the first night i think the reason why no one suspected that you weren't just a regular contestant was because i thought, we all thought you also felt the same way we did for sana."
"w-what?"
"you might not have realised it... but i think you were beginning to see it when filming started. do you get jealous when you see sana with the other contestants?"
"i- well- i mean i kinda just thought i was friend jealous though. or like that i just wanted the best for her which was why i was so harsh on contestants in the beginning."
"the way you talk about her over text sounds like its more than that y/n."
"i don't- what- i'm not jealous-"
you barely register that sana's finished with her routine now, sliding into bed next to you and cuddling up immediately. "what are you jealous about?"
you freeze, looking at her like you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar in the middle of the night.
"is that sana?" you're broken out of it quickly when you hear miyeon's voice over the phone.
sana bristles though, moving away from you and frowning, "are you on the phone with miyeon?"
"i- yeah-"
sana's snatching the phone out of your hand instantly, bringing it up to her ear and speaking into the microphone with a cold sneer, "yes this is sana. can i help you?"
you can't hear miyeon respond but the way sana's speaking sends a lightning rod of arousal down your spine. your mind is still hazy with what miyeon's suggested, and you're thinking about how you hated seeing sana kiss wonsik, how blinded you felt when you thought sana still liked jihyo, what could this mean? how long have you liked sana for? has it always been this way?
you don't realise that sana's features have become less defensive as she talks to miyeon, almost apologetic even when she settles back down next to you, humming in response to something miyeon's said over the phone. she's within proximity again that you can make out miyeon's voice.
"-but i hope you've been doing well and taking care of yourself with all the craziness that comes along with filming."
"yeah thank you miyeon. really. and again i'm so sorry for all the misunderstandings and i hope you know that eliminating you was definitely a mistake and it was very short-sighted of me but i'm glad that we've finally had a chance to talk where i'm not completely hostile to you."
you can hear the airy giggle of miyeon over the phone, "of course! all the best with the rest of the season sana. maybe we'll see each other on the other side."
sana smiles, "definitely. goodnight miyeon!"
she hangs up and hands your phone back to you, going right back to cuddling as if nothing had happened.
you're trying to pick out what part of that conversation that you overheard bothered you when it hits. "eliminating miyeon was a mistake?" was this the jealousy again?
"weren't you the one saying that?" sana raises an eyebrow at you, brushing her fingers over your side.
"well- i-"
she's giggling now, "i'm just kidding. miyeon just put to rest everything that was on my mind so i have nothing to worry about. i'm sorry for overreacting when i found out you were texting her. you're allowed to have friends, sorry i was trying to micromanage that."
"what was on your mind?"
"hmm y'know... you mostly."
you whine, hitting her lightly while she laughs at you.
"she told me you were just friends and she never meant to make it seem like it was anything else. she also helped me... come to terms with a few things so i'm actually very grateful for that."
"what things?"
"so many questions y/n. are you worried i'm about to steal her away from you?" sana teases.
"what? no! stop teasing-"
she grins, poking your cheek, "i'm keeping that to myself for now okay? i'll probably tell you one day. just not today."
"why not?"
"just because." she smiles, "now let's sleep."
you grumble a little, confused at what miyeon could have told sana, confused with what miyeon told you. there was one thing you did want to test out though...
you lean in quickly and capture sana's lips, taking her a little by surprise but she's quick to reciprocate, closing her eyes and kissing you back.
you're aggressive, climbing on top of her quickly and licking into her. you're trying to figure out if kissing her made you feel anything more. anything that could clue you in on your true feelings for her.
she's breaking away from you panting though, pushing you back slightly when you try to chase after her again, "woah y/n baby baby slow down- what's got you all in a rush?"
your eyes are dark as you look down at her, friends don't normally feel like the world would end if they stopped kissing right? you needed to be back on her, in her, needed to feel her around you, needed to taste her, needed to memorise every single sound she made, you needed her. that was more than just lust right?
"just- just need you please-" you're leaning back in, almost begging.
"no- no y/n stop. tell me what's going on, you're not normally like this."
you groan, head falling to her shoulder, slumping against her. "something stupid miyeon said..." you mumble into her shoulder.
"what did she say?"
you huff against her, "that i had feelings for you."
you hear the gasp sana lets out, her hands at your waist tightening their hold and you groan into her, grinding down a little at the feeling.
she stills you though, hands sliding down to grip your hips, "stop that." her voice is harsh, and you're reminded of the way she talked to miyeon over the phone, all cold and annoyed. it only makes you drip more at the tone of her voice and you whimper a little.
"do you?"
"do i what?" you're distracted, wanting only to kiss her again.
"do you have feelings for me?"
you sigh, "don't know- that's what i'm trying to figure out."
"how are you trying to figure it out?"
"kissing you. touching you. seeing if all of it made me feel something more."
"something more?"
"i don't know. something other than horny."
sana hums before finally loosening her grip. "okay. try it. just promise me you'll tell me what you think afterwards?"
you're quick to latch onto her lips again, mumbling yes and thank you into her.
she bucks her hips up against you and you moan. she was finally giving into her feelings and letting you do what you wanted, expressing herself freely.
“can you- mmf- can you-“
“what what is it baby? what do you need?”
“can you- be mad at me?”
she’s kissing down your neck, nipping slightly as you grind down into her, “i’m not mad at you. we talked about this just then baby.”
“no- i need- can you pretend to be mad?”
she’s licking up to your ear, “i don’t understand baby. can you elaborate?”
“f-fuck sana- can you- just imagine i did like miyeon and i wanted to fuck her-“
you’re scared you said the wrong thing and ruined the mood when she stills under you. then all of a sudden she’s rolling you over and straddling your hips, lips and teeth back at the sensitive parts on your neck. “you like it when i’m mad?”
“g-god yes sana please-“
“whore. you want me to mark you up? make sure everyone knows your mine? mine to ruin?”
“yes yes sana please-“
you moan when you feel her sucking at your collarbone, intending on doing exactly that.
"off." her hands are at the bottom of your shirt tugging, and you scramble up, almost knocking your forehead against hers in haste, you'd laugh but you were so pent up you couldn't think about anything other than her fucking you all night long.
her hands are cold when she slides them up your stomach, cupping your tits and you shiver at the feeling.
"trying to piss me off on purpose bringing up her name into this hm? after we just made up too." she squeezes and you gasp into her, nipples hard against her palms as she runs a thumb over the tip.
"think my pretty baby's going to come for anyone else?" she circles a nipple leaving you twitching, "i'm going to ruin you so that everytime you even come close to coming in the future, you'll only be able to think about me."
she's licking a trail down the middle of your chest, before sucking marks into the sides of your breasts, avoiding your nipples, only tracing them lightly with the tip of her thumb.
you're squirming around under her, begging and crying, eyes clenched shut, hand drifting down towards your folds, trying to alleviate some of the pressure that's built up.
she snatches your hand quickly and pins it above your head, "don't even fucking think about it."
you whine under her, trying to pull away from her grip but she has you completely under her control.
"don't do that baby. you asked for this didn't you? you're going to be a good girl and take it now." her lips come back down on your other tit, sucking and licking again, you're grinding up into nothing, stuck with the feeling of your own sticky arousal.
"p-please sana need- please- more-"
"what do you need baby? this?" she takes a nipple into her mouth then, sucking gently and flicking over it with her tongue, then popping it out of her mouth, "or this?" a hand trails lower, thumbing the waistband of your pyjama bottoms. "maybe this?" a knee comes up then, pressing right where you need her most and you’re moaning against her.
"g-god sana- fuck- all- all of it- god i need all of it-"
"be more specific sweetie. you can do it. c'mon now."
"f-fuck need you to fuck me like you said you would. need to feel your fingers inside me, your mouth wrapped around my clit, your hands gripping my ass so hard it'll leave behind handprints. just need you sana please- please-"
"mmm that's a good girl. begging for me like the slut you are. because you were so pretty i'll give you that. but you gotta talk me through it okay? if you stop i'll stop and i'm going to go fuck myself in your bed and leave you here for the rest of the night."
you whimper, nodding your head.
"words baby."
"yes, yes yes god please just-"
she smirks and then she's back at your nipples, fully sucking on them now and pulling your bottoms off along with your panties, immediately swiping a finger through your wetness. the sudden change from feeling nothing to feeling everything be stimulated was almost too much but also exactly what you needed.
"god sana please- inside- need you inside."
she's pushing one finger in and you feel yourself clench around her, already so close, desperate for her. suddenly you're remembering your actual task, but before you can formulate another thought she's pulling out and thrusting back in with another finger.
"god you're so wet for me baby. how long have you been thinking about this hm?"
"i- fuck- i'm never not thinking about you sana."
sana hums, keeping a slow, languid pace, "is that helping with your little mission tonight?"
"i- w- fuck sana faster please-"
"answer the question first."
"f-fuck i- i don't know- i c-can't think- please-"
she's pulling out and removing herself from you so that none of your skin is touching anymore.
"now? now can you think?"
"sana please fuck- yes! yes it's helping everything is helping please just need you back-" you're making grabby hands at her, trying to pull her back so you can feel her against you again.
she obliges, pushing back into you and humming, "that's a good girl."
"thank you- god sana- thank you- mm fuck thank you-" you're babbling, barely making sense when she speeds up, curling her fingers inside you just the way she knows you like, and rubbing her thumb along your clit each thrust inside.
soon enough, you're coming around her, her name and curses spilling out of your mouth but she's not done. she's crawling down your body, marking almost every inch of skin she can get her mouth on, and then latching onto your clit and sucking, fingers still pounding into you.
"f-fuck! sana! 's too much! f-fuck-"
she only hums against you, the vibrations against your clit only tightening the coil in your belly once more and the overstimulation is too much and you feel yourself coming again.
she's pulling out and you think she's finished but she flips you onto your stomach, slipping a pillow under you to lift your ass up, hands gripping the cheeks and spreading them apart, just like how you had begged her to. but then her fingers are prodding at your entrance again and she slides in, and this angle is so much deeper and you cry out, muffled against the sheets, trying to squirm away from her but she's got your ass right where she wants you.
she's leaning down, pushing in and out of you again, you can feel her chest against your back, the fact that she's still wearing her top fleetingly crosses your mind but you can still feel her hardened nipples against your skin, you arch back into her.
"my baby's not done yet. you're going to give me another one. and another one. until you've finished your little experiment right?"
you're sobbing into the sheets, the delightful mixture of pleasure and pain running through your body, your hyperaware of every single movement, every single place your skin touches, every breath she takes as she ruts her fingers into you.
you feel your third orgasm coming up when a hand is snaking a way back up your body, pinching roughly at your nipples before closing around your throat. you gulp and clench even harder around her fingers when she squeezes her hand lightly, moaning your approval.
"yeah? you like that slut?"
"y-yes o-oh god fuck- sana- fuck-"
she's squeezing tighter now and the pressure is perfect, the lightheadedness from the cutoff of oxygen combined with the overstimulation and you're coming again, thrashing into her as she releases you slowly, heaving in air as specks of black dot your vision.
you feel almost numb when she slides the pillow out from under you, turning you slightly so she can kiss you gently, and you moan at the taste of yourself on her tongue.
she's slipping a leg between yours when you realise that she's taken off her bottoms, and you gasp when the feeling of her wetness glides against your clit.
you whimper against her lips, "sana..."
"shhhh baby one more."
you're helpless against her, whining and pushing yourself into her, relishing the way her breath catches and she moans when your clits drag along each other. she's got one hand at your tit again, pinching a nipple and you need to feel more of her so you slide a hand up her top, grasping at her breast and moaning when she rocks against you just a little harder at the feeling.
your lips never leave each other, even when you're so blissed out you're just panting into her mouth, rutting against her. you're not even thinking straight when you mumble the words, slurred together and mixed with curses, but sana still catches it. "i love you."
she stops immediately, leaving you humping her like a dog, panting into her wondering why she's stopped.
she's gripping your hips, stilling you, eyes wide, "what did you just say?"
"i love you sana fuck- please- please let me come again please-"
her eyes study you, half-dazed, and then suddenly she's rutting against you again, your hands tighten around her tits just to be able to hold onto something because she's pushing against you and you're so close and her hands are basically moving your hips against hers without you even doing anything, she's moaning into your mouth, caught in her own pleasure and it's all too much when you feel her tighten her legs around you, coming with a whine and shaking, you come again, eyes closing and feeling the wave of pleasure wash over your body, twitching lightly against her in the aftershock.
when you pull apart your legs are sticky and filthy and hers aren't much better, stained with your essence, you can't even open your eyes, just letting her plant light kisses across your face and neck, holding her against you and learning to breathe again.
when she kisses your eyelids you manage to peek open, staring at her in wonder.
"did you mean it?" her eyebrows are slightly furrowed, hair sticking to her forehead, bottom lip protruding a little in a pout.
you were overcome with pleasure and overstimulation, but you remember everything you said. "i did. i love you. i'm sorry it took this long to realise it."
she sighs, eyes tearing up, "i love you too idiot."
"what about the season?"
"we'll figure that out later. let me clean you up and we can cuddle and sleep?"
you hum, whining when she leaves you to grab a damp towel, missing her warmth already. it felt painful to be without her. every second you spent apart, you were thinking about her, you can't help but laugh at how stupid you've been. you've been in love with sana for the better half of your life, you were determined to make it up to her. to show her just how much you loved her. just how much you needed her in your life.
you smile happily when she comes back, bringing her into a sweet kiss and letting her wipe at your legs. you were so, utterly, in love with her, and you finally realised it.
236 notes · View notes
pupyuj · 1 year ago
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long time no ask but gosh i kinda (super) need academic rivals wony and reader who absolutely loathe each other and you know things get a little one day and suddenly reader’s bent over the table while wony’s dicking them down😗
-🍒
🍒 anon, hiii!! i love this trope so much omg THIS IS SO LONG??!?!
it started off as a cute little rivalry thing in high school, yk? one gets the better mark than the other and boasts about it just for the other to do the same exact thing when she gets the better grade... then it went from that to having almost the same dream so the two of you had to go to the same university and it gets heated from there 😭 the rivalry was no longer fun and adorable, it was stressful and truthfully a bit humiliating every time wonyoung gets the better of you bcs she gets so in your face about it??? smirking and showing off her grades, always shooting you a look whenever she answers something correctly in class as if you didn't have the same answer!! to wonyoung, she was just having a little fun bcs annoying you about all these things has always entertained but oh... it was more than just a stupid rivalry to you 😕😕
your composure and level-headedness all breaking down when wony catches you alone in your classroom one day, furiously studying after getting a less-than-desirable score on a pretty important test,, everybody could tell that the pressure was getting to you,, what with your permanent frown and standoffish attitude towards everyone in the class and even the professors... people were starting to get scared! not wonyoung though, she was having the time of her life seeing you like this,, you don't notice that she was watching you until she makes her way over to you.. you don't even have to look up to know that she was wearing that smug smirk on her face,,
"how the mighty has fallen."
"it's 'have', actually—hey!"
wony forcing you out of your seat by stealing your test paper, giggling as you tried to snatch it back but the damn girl was way too fucking tall and you could only jump so high 😭 "you know, i really didn't expect this from you, (y/n). i'm a bit disappointed." wonyoung sighs dramatically while she pouted and looked at your abysmal score. okay it wasn't abysmal per se but it was low enough for the two of you to be shocked by it!
huffing and rolling your eyes at her bcs you truly did find her detestable when it came to shit like this,, "okay, mommy. sorry i'm stupid. want me to bend over so you could spank my ass or something?" oh you shouldn't have said that. you really shouldn't have said that bcs the moment the word "mommy" left your lips, wony's dick got so hard that she had to cover it up w your test paper.. and it didn't help that she happened to be wearing a fucking skirt today!! you don't seem to notice the way her eyes darkened, or how she suddenly looked like she wanted to eat you bcs you were too busy trying to steal your test paper back,, wony raises it up in the air and when you went to reach for it, she releases the paper, grabs your wrist, and kisses you????
you pulling away quickly bcs you were so surprised, "what the fuck—" but wony just pulls you back in,, telling you to 'relax' until you finally melted into the kiss,, suddenly her hands were all over you?? even underneath your skirt where she groped your ass and pulled your panties down in one swift motion,, your hands having a mission of their own and cupping her dick through her compression shorts,, ugh hearing wony moan softly when you start squeezing her cock but she quickly regains control when she puts her hand in between your thighs, feeling your soaked cunt with her fingers and giggling at the way you pulled her closer for more...
"what did you say earlier? ah, that's right.. bend over for me, baby." wony uses her leg to kick your chair closer to you, raising an eyebrow bcs she just expects you to be her obedient little slut.. which you are so you do what she asked of you 🫣🫣 see, wonyoung wasn't really fond of all this... having sex in a very public space where anyone could just come barging in and see her fucking destroying your cunt but wonyoung was also super fucking horny so for now, she didn't mind how gross this all was... wony staring at your pretty cunt as you're bent over your chair, head down on the cushioned seat and ass up the air,, her pulling you close, reaching over and putting two fingers in your mouth?? making you choke on her digits and asking you to spit on her hand before she pulled her fingers back out,, omgdsdhjcjh her jerking herself off using your saliva as lube, winking at you when you glanced over your shoulder just to fucking watch her,, she was annoying but she was unfortunately so fucking hot—
"a-ahh—fuck, wonyoung.. slow d-down, you fucking ass..."
"take it."
and soon enough, she'd be forcing you to take all of her length, pounding your cunt so fast that it becomes overwhelming??? all you could do was whine and moan her name and mutter nonsense while drooling all over the cushion :((( wony holding your wrists behind your waist with one hand, her other hand rubbing your clit and making you scream bcs it all just felt too good :((( the two of you definitely needed this 🤤🤤 her pulling out just as you were about to come??? pulling you up and then sitting down on your chair, tugging at you and making you sit on her cock,, "move, (y/n)." so bossy!!
"you're a bitch." but then you kiss her before getting to work 😭 hands on her shoulders, clutching fistfuls of her blouse and digging your nails on her skin while you slowly ride her thick cock :((( both of your moans freely spilling out of your mouths,, and god were the two of you loud as fuck 😭😭 wony refusing to pull you off her cock and coming inside you bcs she knew it would humiliate you—being bred full by the girl you hate the most :(( but the thing is, you didn't care about that right now,,,
being so clouded that you don't realize that she already came so just keep riding her??? almost to the point of overstimulating her?? but wony didn't mind!! in fact, she lays you down on top of the table and fucking rams into your walls like both of you weren't on the brink of passing out from exhaustion,,, only stopping when there was barely enough time to fix yourselves up before everybody else arrived so when they did, you both looked so uncharacteristically disheveled and messy 😵‍💫
and of course... wony is an ass so she fucking stole your panties just to give you a reason to chase after her later and have her fuck you again 💖
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forest-hashira · 1 month ago
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First Birthday
long time no update for this series, sorry guys! but i'm back with some sweetness bc it's our girl's birthday today!!! this isn't very long but did wind up being longer than i expected, but i'm happy about that for once lol. i hope you guys enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it 💜
series masterlist | read on ao3 | wc: ~1.7k | cw: gender neutral reader, transfem gojo, mostly fluff with some very light angst, obligatory birthday fic bc i love this character sfm
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Ever since coming out to Megumi, Satoru seemed a bit lighter, like the weight of keeping her transition just between the two of you had been lifted. Megumi kept the information to himself, of course, keeping his promise not to utter a word to anyone else until he was given the okay by his teacher.
Satoru had chosen to keep her transition pretty close to her chest, though privately she’d confided that she was gearing up to share her transition with Shoko, and you were, of course, incredibly supportive. She decided not to do much to indicate that anything had changed with her, besides the fact that her hair was growing out, and she continued to paint her nails at least once a week. That wasn’t really strange to anyone anymore, though, especially since Yuji had started wearing nail polish sometimes, too, because he thought it was cool. 
Time passed quickly around all of those things, though, with both of you sent out on missions fairly regularly, though thankfully it began to slow down as winter drew closer. Soon enough, it was just a couple of weeks before Satoru’s birthday, and you realized you had yet to plan anything for her special day. You tried to be realistic about what would actually be feasible for her birthday, and eventually you decided on a nice dinner and dessert for just the two of you. Reservations were made at her favorite restaurant, and you ordered a cake from a bakery you knew she loved. It wasn’t huge or overly fancy, but it felt like a good way to celebrate her, without involving everyone you knew.
A few days before her birthday, Satoru got sent on a mission. That wasn’t unusual, of course, but what was a bit unusual was how little the higher ups were willing to share. All they would say was that the curse was strong and wreaking havoc, and that it was far away. That frustrated you more than it frustrated Satoru, who just rolled her eyes.
“I’ll get it taken care of and be home as soon as I can,” she promised, offering you a soft smile.
“Just come back in one piece, okay?” you replied, doing your absolute best not to pout like a child.
“‘Course I will, baby,” she agreed, kissing your forehead. “I’m the strongest, after all.” 
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In an effort not to get too upset about the mission happening so close to your partner’s birthday, you left your plans – and the dinner reservation – in place, as if by not cancelling, Satoru had no choice but to be back in time for them. Logically, you knew that was a foolish way to think, but it was the only thing keeping you from being overly worked up about it all.
Unfortunately, your wishful thinking wasn’t enough to bring your princess back to you before her birthday. Within twenty-four hours of when she left, Satoru had called to say that the mission wasn’t just taking her to the other side of Japan, like the two of you had initially thought, it was taking her out of the country completely. Leaving the country also meant there was no longer an end date in sight for the mission, which upset you more than you wanted to admit.
With a heavy heart, you cancelled the dinner reservations you’d made, but you couldn’t cancel the cake you’d ordered, as there was a no refunds policy at the bakery. Besides, you told yourself, Satoru will want something sweet when she gets home. I can just freeze the cake if I need to. You tried to tell yourself that a late celebration with cake was better than no celebration at all, even if it wouldn’t get to happen until after her birthday.
The morning of Satoru’s birthday, you went to the bakery to pick up the cake. It was just as cute as you’d hoped, with baby blue frosting and little hearts piped all over it in a slightly darker shade of blue, and you knew a very pretty pink strawberry cake lay beneath it all. As you walked in your front door with the cake in hand, your phone chimed with a text, and the sound of Satoru’s ringtone made you smile. You removed your shoes, then carried the cake into the kitchen, and only after the dessert was safe in the fridge did you pull your phone from your pocket.
👑 Princess Toru 🩵: awe baby 🥺 u didn’t need 2 stay up late 4 me!!
👑 Princess Toru 🩵: i luv u sooooooooo much 💖💖💖
You smiled at her messages, shedding your coat and hanging it on its designated hook by the door before you replied.
You: I know I didn't have to. I just wanted to make sure I was the first one to wish you a happy birthday, and saying it right at midnight was the only way I could make sure.
You: I love you too, princess. Missing you extra right now, tho
Her response came in almost impossibly fast
👑 Princess Toru 🩵: :(((
👑 Princess Toru 🩵: i miss u 2 :( 
👑 Princess Toru 🩵: wish i could b there w/ u
👑 Princess Toru 🩵: tryin 2 get home soon, promise
You: It’s ok, it’s not your fault the higher ups suck. Just stay safe ok?
👑 Princess Toru 🩵: i will! see u soon baby 💖
You hearted her message, then tucked your phone back into your pocket. With a sigh, you looked around the apartment for a moment, before ultimately heading into the living room. Hopefully you could find something to watch to keep you occupied for the rest of the day, so you wouldn’t be focused on how unfair it was that you didn’t get to celebrate your girlfriend’s birthday with her.
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The sound of the door being unlocked startled you awake, and you sat bolt upright from where you’d fallen asleep on the couch. You had no idea what time it was, but it was pitch black outside the windows, so you’d probably dozed for a couple hours at the least. The TV was still playing your show in the background, but that was the last thing on your mind as you turned to face the door, eyes wide as it opened and your girlfriend stepped inside. 
“Satoru?” you called hopefully. 
She turned towards the sound of your voice, and she grinned when she saw you were up. “Hey, baby,” she replied, pulling her blindfold down so it hung around her neck. “Did I wake you up?”
“Kinda,” you admitted, pushing yourself off the couch and going to meet her in the entryway. “What time is it? Did you just get back?”
“It’s late,” she answered vaguely. “Yeah, I did. I took a cab home from the airport ‘cause I didn’t wanna wait for Ijichi to get there.” She dropped her bag on the floor, then pulled you into her arms, hugging you as close as she could get you. “Missed you a lot.”
“Missed you too.” You hugged her back tightly for a moment, before tilting your head to look up at her. “Is it after midnight?”
“Dunno,” she answered, “Hang on.” Still holding you tight with one arm, she pulled her phone out of her pocket with the other, tapping the screen to check the time. “No, not quite. Got about five minutes ‘til midnight. Why?”
You smiled up at her. “That means it’s still your birthday.” Though you were hesitant to separate from her, you wiggled out of her hold, taking her hand and pulling her into the kitchen. 
“Cover your eyes,” you instructed, “And no peeking until I say.”
Satoru looked a bit confused at your command, but she didn’t question it, just doing as you said and closing her eyes.
Once you were sure she wasn’t looking, you turned to the fridge, pulling out the cake you’d gotten for her, then rifling through one of the kitchen drawers until you pulled out a candle and a lighter. You were incredibly careful as you unboxed the cake on the counter nearest to your partner, not wanting to mess up the frosting, and thankfully it didn’t prove difficult. You stuck the candle in the center of the cake, then lit it.
“Okay,” you told her. “You can open your eyes now.”
After she opened her eyes, Satoru’s gaze dropped to the cake almost immediately, and her eyes went wide at the sight. “You got me a cake?”
“Yeah, from that bakery you love down the street.”
She looked back up at you, and if it wasn’t just a trick of the light, there seemed to be tears pooling along her lash line. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know,” you agreed with a slight shrug. “But I wanted to. You deserve a nice treat for your birthday. Go ahead and make a wish before the candle wax drips onto the cake.”
The words seemed to bring her back to herself, and she nodded, looking back to the cake. She paused for a moment, presumably deciding what to wish for, before she blew out the small flame. It was quiet for a moment as you plucked the candle from the cake, then grabbed her a fork – it was a pretty small cake, not really worth cutting into slices – before she spoke.
“Why just one candle?” she asked curiously. “I know I look young, but I’m not that young.”
You chuckled at her joke, handing her the fork as you answered. “Because it’s your first birthday as a woman, that’s why,” you said simply. 
Satoru’s eyes really did fill with tears at your words, and she dropped the fork before surging towards you. Her hands cradled the sides of your face as she brought you into a passionate kiss. The sudden touch pulled a muffled mmf! from you, but you were quick to melt into her, eyes sliding shut as you returned the kiss. 
Only pulling away when the need for air overwhelmed your desire to keep kissing your girlfriend, you smiled up at her again. “I love you, princess. Happy birthday.”
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larentslovechaos · 4 months ago
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Ok story time of me meeting Harry today in full detail as best as I can because it was a wild series of events.
Under the cut bc it's A LOT djfkdksks.
My friend and I decided we were going to see and walk in Hampstead Heath because today is our last proper day in London and we hadn't done that yet.
We decided to go to the Spaniard's Inn to try our first Sunday roast today to kill 2 birds with one stone type of situation.
We took the tube to Golders Green, and walked around the town a bit. We basically ended up walking all the way from there to The Spaniard's Inn through the park (which took a lot longer than it would have had we taken the bus there instead, which we discussed). When we got to the pub, we just kind of stood across the street for a bit basically trying to figure out what we wanted to do.
And then we saw someone walking toward the pub on the other side of the street and my friend said, "Is that Lewis Capaldi??" and I said "Yeah I think it is actually" and then we started googling pictures and comparing as he was walking in 😂.
I think we were going regardless, but we decided to go in, and as we were walking in, I immediately could see and recognized Anne (Harry's mum) through the window and started having a mini freak out. I thought she looked at me/saw me, so I sort of awkwardly/excitedly smiled at her through the window (?).
I thought maybe she was just visiting with Harry and happened to be there grabbing food or something. I definitely did not think Harry would be there when I saw her. I was thinking it would be nice to maybe get the chance to say hi to her and if not, then I can say I saw her. but I was so nervous.
Once we got in, the host we spoke to said there was only 1 table available without a reservation, and it was upstairs with a party of 30 who were apparently so loud that 2 other groups left.
I was still freaking out, and they told us it'd probably be an hour or longer if we wanted to wait for a different table, so we decided to take it.
As they were taking us to go up to our table, we passed by a room at the bottom of the stairs. As we walked past the doorway, I saw Anne with (I think) her friend, Louise sat next to her and then, Harry was sat across from them.
I did kind of quietly gasp when I saw him, and he glanced over at us whilst continuing to speak with them. We made brief eye contact, but we just quickly continued up to our table because I didn't want to make it obvious or interrupt or be obnoxious lol. My friend was smacking me with her water bottle as we were walking up the stairs because she was also freaking out or thought I might not have seen him 🤣🤣.
I, of course, wanted to say hi, but didn't want to interrupt or be disrespectful. He was also with his mum and her friend and I didn't want to make them uncomfortable.
I told our waiter this and he had told me I could probably catch him quickly as they were leaving when they finished. I spent the duration of our meal internally freaking out and not really able to eat wondering when would be the right time. A shame, really because the roast looked amazing 😩😭.
At one point, the waiter also said Harry would come up and see anyone who wanted to say hi to him. Which, at that point, I switched my seat to the other side of the table because there was no way I could handle the possibility of him coming up behind me unexpectedly 🤣. After I did this, he ended up just quickly popping upstairs (we made brief eye contact again), and going into the other room we weren't in (where Lewis Capaldi was), and going back downstairs.
I was freaking out for a little bit longer, which the waiter knew at this point (I ended up giving him a £20 note for having to deal with me 🤣) The waiter told me they were done and basically that now was my opportunity lol. So, I went downstairs and could see into the room again, but they were still chatting and had a plate on their table and staff coming to clear it. So, I felt a bit awkward and in the way at that point. I also got scolded by a woman behind me that there was a private event and I couldn't go in there at all. This added to me already freaking out, so I just went outside for a minute to get some air. Just as I came back inside to go back up to our table, they were leaving. Harry was the last of their group to leave and was thanking the staff while I was stood there. He said something like "Thank you so much for everything, have a good night".
I then spoke to him and said, "I'm sorry, I really didn't want to interrupt your meal, but I just wanted to say hi". And then he said, "thank you, hi, how are you?" and came over to me and offered his hand for me to shake. I was so stunned, but managed to say "good, how are you?" to which he'd just said, "good, have a good weekend" and then left.
I didn't ask for a photo. He was very gentle and kind and lovely, it was a very quick, polite interaction. Sidenote: I remember his hands being quite soft.
I, of course, would have liked to have gotten a photo or talked a bit more, and gotten the chance to tell him the impact he's had on me over the years, and how long I've been a fan, or ask about new music, but the time and place just really didn't seem ideal or appropriate for it.
This whole entire trip has been such a dream for me. A small part of me was hoping I'd meet him when I was visiting London, but I didn't think in a million years it'd actually happen.
I was almost too afraid to get on the plane, and this never would have happened if I didn't.
I really manifested this so hard. He's so lovely and looked lovely.
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calummss · 1 year ago
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Sheldon Cooper Blurb
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summary: sheldon’s hot new gf pays him a visit
pairing: fem! reader x sheldon cooper
words: 600
why i wrote this? bc jim parsons is so attractive to me and no one writes fics about him
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Raj, Howard, Leonard where gathered together in front of the TV, their eyes glued onto the screen showing the newest unreleased footage of Star Wars. Absorbed into their world, a knocking on the door was heard.
Knock knock
Leonard stood up only to be ambushed by a half-jogging Sheldon, a rare sight for mankind, as he went towards the door. ‘That will be for me.’
Sheldon opened the door to reveal the prettiest girl any of the boys had seen. Their mouths gaping at her as she hugged Sheldon to greet him, Sheldon accepting the hug. Second weirdest thing to have happened in the apartment since Sheldom speed walked to the door.
‘Sheldon, who is this?’ Leonard asks, his tone between sweet and hostile.
‘Yes, Sheldon, who is this?’ Howard repeated, his usual sarcasm sweeping his words. ‘You didn’t happen to tell her that you are Sheldon Cooper.’
‘Well of course! Meeting Sheldon Cooper is a great honour, you know when I was—‘
‘Introduce us,’ Leonard cut Sheldon off, taken a back a bit.
‘Ah yes. Meet Y/n, my girlfriend .’ Sheldon introduced you, as you gave them a small wave, the three boys staring at you like Sheldon had given them amazing news but all they did was look shocked, their eyes and mouths never shutting. ‘I met Y/n at the Cheesecake Factory after Penny got my order wrong. I don’t know how that happened since I always order the same thing but one's simple mind can be overwhelmed with orders I suppose, even if it was only us there…’
‘Hi, I’m Y/n.’
‘Your Penny’s friend?’ Howard asked.
‘Yes.’
‘And Penny made me go on a date with Bernadette?’ He stared ahead of him, eyes almost popping out of their sockers
Sheldon turned his head, unaware of how to react to Howard’s outburst.
You also gave Sheldon a confused look to which he replied, ‘No worries, Social interaction with a spark of unsolicited germ exchange.’
‘So how did a theoretical physicist pick her up?’ Leonard gaped at the pair.
‘Oh I didn’t pick her up. I think you’re referring to is how we met?’
‘Yes, Sheldon…’
Suddenly Penny bolted through the door, phone in hand, ‘Sheldon has a girlfriend!? Y/n it’s you?’
‘If I may resume to Leonard’s question, I was minding my own business staring at the bird I was sure was out to kill me when she walked up to me with the words: You’re cute. I want you. Quite demanding if I might add.’ Sheldon gave you a brief look. ‘Straight to the point which is just right up my alley.’
‘You went up to Sheldon?’ Howard checked in on the facts with you.
‘Yes.’
‘I’m sorry what?’ He replied, his eyes crossing.
‘Have you met him? Like met him?’
‘Yes.’
‘So you know he’s an extremely arrogant, narcissistic, ruthless, entitled, self-righteous, cold, condescending, selfish, pompous person, right?’ Howard said.
‘He’s also cute, lanky and gets me horny just doing his silly physics rants so if you don’t mind,’ You grabbed Sheldon’s hand, third weirdest thing to have happend in the apartment, ‘I have to give him something else to think about,’
The mouths couldn’t have been wider.
‘But today is game night,’ Sheldon whined.
‘Sheldon…’
Sheldon avoided eye contact, his eyes darting across the room.
‘Sheldon.’
‘Yes, Ma’am.’ He responded immer, holding your hand and following you to his bedroom, leaving Raj, Howard, Leonard and Penny alone.
‘Did Sheldon just bring the hottest girl in the state of California through this door?’ Raj said.
‘Yes.’ They all said union.
‘And he’s getting sex even though he didn’t ask?’
‘Yes.’
‘Dammit.’ Howard hissed.
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httpiastri · 6 months ago
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PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER FOUR (MONACO)
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genre: fluff, angst, etc.
warnings: heartbreak as usual
word count: 5.3k (like, exactly 5.3k. on the word. 😭)
author's note: it feels so wrong to say that im posting this to celebrate ollie's graduation to f1 because... this is such a sad chapter.... pain pain pain for everyone involved (especially ollie) 💔 but yay happy ollie f1 announcement day!!! hope you're all doing well & hope you enjoy <3 (also i wrote a lot of this chapter back in february? and proofreading it today nearly brought me to tears bcs of ollie-)
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the career of a racing driver is a roller coaster for everyone involved.
if your name is max verstappen, then you've got more ups than most others. that roller coaster seems pretty fun.
but if your name is y/n harper, then your roller coaster isn't as fun these days. but if there’s ever a place to turn things around, it's monaco.
even just the track walk is enough to bring up your mood after a bad week like last. walking along the monegasque streets, almost getting hit by cars as you sign autographs and take pictures with fans... it's an experience you just can't find anywhere else.
coincidentally enough, ollie is done with the track walk just as you are, which means that the two of you can make your way back to the f2 paddock together. your boyfriend has always loved monaco – he pretty much doesn't ever shut up about the track and it's history unless you tape his mouth shut when you're in the country. that's why it's surprising that he not only brings up another subject, but also that he chooses a quite sensitive one – your father.
"he's going to be here this weekend, right?" ollie asks, stuffing his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. he seemingly doesn't quite understand just how tense things are with your dad yet. to be fair, it isn't really his fault, since you haven't told him and since he isn't a mind-reader. but still, something in your chest tightens at the way ollie brings him up so casually.
you nod. "you know how much he adores monaco," you say with a sigh, before putting on your best impression of your dad. "the most iconic track ever, the only track to ever... blah blah blah."
having your dad along for races was always a given when you were younger. he was your best helmet carrier, your number-one supporter, and the first person you went to when celebrating or complaining.
but somewhere along the years, having him around started to become more problematic and anxiety-inducing. his support turned into criticism, and it became far more common for him to tell you to "go apologize to the engineers and ask them what you should do to perform better tomorrow" rather than give you any constructive feedback of his own.
at first, it was rough; the man who had always been your pillar to lean on, your main source of support, your safe haven, was seemingly gone. you continued to perform well, though you weren't sure if that was because you wanted to make him proud or if you were terrified of making him disappointed.
"let's have dinner with him someday, then," ollie suggests as the two of you come to a stop right outside the prema garage for the weekend. "maybe sunday, if we have things to celebrate?"
"let's hope so."
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pepe calls your name once, twice, thrice, before he resorts to shaking your shoulder gently. his touch, along with the sound of the spaniard's raspy laughter, makes you finally wake from your slumber. you blink up at him, eyes droopy and mind empty. "what?"
"why are you sleeping?" pepe asks, shaking his head. "quali starts in... about an hour."
you begin to slowly push yourself up from the couch you've been lying on, yawning loudly. "i was supposed to just rest my eyes," you start, rubbing your eyes with your hands. "i didn't mean to fall asleep..."
"did you not sleep well last night? were you up late again?" pepe asks as he sits down next to you, watching you stretch your arms over your head with yet another yawn.
what are you supposed to say? yes, i was up until four am because i couldn't find any peace of mind at all? i've been dreading every second of this weekend because i never know when my dad will appear from around the corner? i'm scared he's going to be so mad over my performances that he disowns me?
pepe may know a lot of what's going on with your father, but he doesn't need to know this much.
you did, in fact, meet him earlier today, right before practice – if greeting him briefly and then instantly bolting in the opposite direction counts as a "meeting" – but since then, he's been nowhere to be seen. not even around dino or ollie when you last saw the two of them.
pepe takes your silence as an answer in itself, and he lets out a hum. "well, i'm quite nervous myself," he says frankly, pulling a hand through his hair.
"you did so well here last year, though." you nudge his shoulder with yours. "you'll be great again, i'm sure of it."
"dinner with the prince on sunday? both of us?"
you nod, shooting your friend a smile. "of course." but despite how much you wish it would become a reality, there's not even the slightest trace of faith in you. the only thing you can think about is how likely it is for this round to go in the same footsteps as your recent ones.
a great attitude to bring into a race weekend.
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p9.
a top ten placement, sure. second in the reverse grid, sure. but other than that, there's not much positive in it. it's a step in the right direction, but in some way, it feels like a step that's way too short.
the sprint race starts with an incident right by you on the track, which is extremely unlucky for you since you get pretty much blocked and have nowhere to go. after being passed by several cars, the safety car finally comes out, and you find yourself in p7.
of course your father's words echo in your head all the way through the safety car period. "starting p2 means a free podium," he had told you when he stopped by right before you were getting into your car. "don't mess it up."
you're so focused on that expression on his face, the way he tilted his chin up and his head slightly to the side as he spoke, and the way it felt like your heart stopped beating for a few seconds, that you don't even realize that your engineer has told you about the safety car being about to end. you don't even acknowledge the fact that the race leader has taken off, nor that the rest of the field starts pushing again before it's too late.
some blue car tries to overtake you on the outside, and with another car on your inside you have no chance of giving either of them space – and you manage to crash into them both. not only did you ruin your own race, but also two other drivers'.
and of course, one of the cars buried into the wall next to yours is a silver hitech with a big number 17 on it.
climbing out of your car, you can hear several voices calling out for all three of you from the grandstand nearby, and you consider throwing them a wave as you climb through the metal fence to get off the track. but then, you hear one voice that's more familiar – one that belongs to the last person you want to talk to right now. "are you alright?"
you almost don't look at him, but the little glance you shoot him is enough to take in every single bit of disappointment in his eyes. what are the odds that your dad was sitting in the grandstand right where you crashed?
a nod is enough of an answer you reckon, pulling your helmet off your head and beginning to walk the way towards the paddock again. "do you want me to carry that?" your dad asks, having gotten past the security guards after showing his pass, now jogging to catch up with you.
"i'm not ten anymore," you groan. "i can handle it on my own."
"i wasn't saying you can't-" he cuts himself off, placing a hand on your shoulder. "you looked really out of it out there."
you keep your gaze forwards so he won't see you rolling your eyes at his words, determined steps carrying you forward quickly as you shake his hand off. "oh, you could see through my visor? that's cool."
"what's gotten into you lately?" your dad pushes, and you flinch slightly at the harsh tone in his voice. "what's wrong with you?"
"what do you mean?"
"well, frankly, your driving had been shit recently." your eyes snap to him when he speaks, eyebrows furrowed. "it looks like you're not even trying."
you stay silent for a long while, trying to navigate your way back – and to a place where your dad hopefully won't be allowed – but you can't help but scoff. "thank's a lot."
"what? am i wrong?"
"yes, you're wrong!" you finally stop in your tracks, fully facing him by now. a hand goes up to your hair, pulling on it to relieve at least some tension. "i'm trying my best, i-"
"is there something going wrong with ollie?" your jaw drops. "i'll talk to him, i'll settle it with him."
"don't you dare!" you exclaim. "there's nothing wrong with ollie, okay?!"
"then what is wrong with you? why can't you score ten points in nine races?"
that's it – you're going to completely lose it if this goes on for even one more second. "leave me the fuck alone," you tell him, turning your head away so he won't get a chance to see the tears beginning to form in your eyes.
the worst part of it all? the fact that you agree with him. the fact that you can't even argue against it; nine points in five rounds is not a good result at all.
surprisingly enough, he doesn't follow you when you hurry away, allowing you to get to the paddock alone. the silence doesn't mean you can hold back from crying, however; it doesn't take long before your cheeks are stained with your tears, your breaths growing quicker and quicker for every step you take. navigating the paddock with blurry vision is hard, and you're basically just relying on muscle memory to take you back to the right part of the garage. just as you're rounding a corner, you bump into someone – someone whose white suit and broad, muscular shoulders are easy to recognize even through your tears.
the other last person you want to talk to right now.
"hey there," he says, a hand coming up to your shoulder to keep you steady as you stumble a little upon the impact with his chest. "are you- woah, are you crying?"
"leave me alone, paul."
he lets out a little chuckle, one he regrets in hindsight because it makes him sound like he thinks the state you're in is funny. "i can't just walk away when you're this upset, can i?" he asks, having to use all of his willpower to hold back from wiping away a few tears from your cheeks. "is it about the crash? i'm not mad at you, and i don't think victor is either-"
"i couldn't care less about the stupid crash!" you explode, a few sobs following your words. "i'm just- i can't-"
paul's eyes widen in surprise at your outburst, hand on your shoulder slipping further along so he's got his arm draped across your shoulders and it's easier for him to force you to walk with him. now it's your turn to have to hold back, wanting nothing more than to lean into his chest and just let out all of your tears. he pushes you with him into the hitech truck, looking around the lounge area to make sure no one's there before guiding you to sit on one of the sofas there. "what's going on? did something happen?"
"i'm a bad driver, that's what happened." paul slumps into the seat right next to you, eyebrows raised when he hears you speak. "i don't belong here, i don't know what i'm doing, i-"
"hey hey hey," he cuts you off with a shake of his head. "what have we said about this?"
you look down at the floor, wiping away a few tears from your cheek as you continue to sniffle in the silence that fills the area. a burning feeling spreads through your chest at his words, the familiarity of it all making your head spin. it isn't the first time you've been like this in front of him; through the almost entire year you dated, there were quite a few times when he'd have to console you after a breakdown. paul knows your issues like the back of his hand, he knows how hard it can be to convince you that you do belong. but he also knows to never give up.
"you are a great driver," he starts, hesitating for a moment before letting his hand rub your shoulder. the action makes your breath hitch in your throat, but not because it's wrong – it's because you've missed his touch, probably far more than you've admitted to yourself before now.
"even my lousy dad thinks i'm bad," you finally get out in-between sniffles, resting your face in your hands.
"and since when do you care about his opinion, huh?"
he's right. at least partially. but still, you remain hunched over, shaking your head. "i may act like it doesn't matter, but… him calling me all kinds of things…" paul allows you to gather your thoughts, his touch remaining gentle over your racing suit. "it hurt. a lot."
he hums understandingly, letting out a sigh. "when is that stupid little brain of yours going to understand that you're doing well?" his words should bring a smile to your lips – a few months ago, they would've. but now, you don't react at all. "no matter what he says, no matter what the critics say. you're a good driver."
after another few moments of silence, you drop your hands to your lap and look at him. there's a hint of curiousity in his eyes, surprised by your sudden eye contact. "why do you even care?" you question. he's been acting like a complete idiot these past few months – and after you literally cursed him out in melbourne, you haven't spoken a word to each other. and yet, he's taking time out of his day to comfort you like he would a year ago.
"come on…" he presses his lips together in a firm line, shaking his head. "no matter what happens between us, i'll always look after you."
his words, and maybe especially your emotional reaction to them, take you by surprise. despite the anger and frustration you've built up over the last few months, there's an undeniable warmth in his gaze that softens your defenses. the feeling of nostalgia and longing is so strong it's almost painful, as if he has reminded you of a connection you thought had been lost forever.
it's quite strange, considering everything that's happened. but you're not opposed to it.
"how are you feeling after the crash?" paul asks to break the silence as you reach up to dry away the last of your tears from your cheeks. "that was a big impact you had. i got away lightly in comparison."
for the first time since the crash, you stop to actually think about it and allow yourself to feel through your body. the adrenaline from the race has worn off by now, and there's a throbbing in your head that seems to just grow stronger by the second. "i think… i'm alright…"
"do you want me to go get ollie for you? the race should be done by now," he says, checking the clock on the wall in the truck. "he can take you to go see a medic."
you shake your head instantly. "please, don't. for real."
paul shoots you a strange, confused look, though he gives you a slight nod. "okay, but you have to tell him," he says, pausing a second before continuing. "i know that head of yours, you're going to combust if you keep hiding this. you can't go through it alone."
"i promise."
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you don't end up going to the medical center.
you do, however, go find ollie yourself – but you don't tell him about your chat with paul. instead, you hope he doesn't take notice of the not-so-subtle signs that you've just had a complete meltdown.
it's easy to break promises to people who you don't need to stay truthful to, you realize. last year, you wouldn't even think about breaking a promise to paul – but an ex boyfriend is much easier to lie to.
your current boyfriend wraps his arms around you the second you step close enough. his lips press to the side of your head, his arms giving you another squeeze before pulling away.
ollie has gotten used to your red eyes.
he's gotten used to the sight of your tearstained cheeks, the slight pout on your lips, the heaviness in your sighs.
he's gotten used to the sinking feeling in his stomach, the pain in his chest, the guilt.
but he's also gotten used to not asking, because he knows you won't tell.
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when you wake up on feature race day, something is different. it's like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders after talking to paul; like the air is suddenly much easier to breathe, and the whole world seems a little lighter. you're much more excited for the feature race of the day than any race so far this season.
in today's race, it's ollie's time to crash out. it isn't his fault, though; he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and got squeezed up against the wall by a trident car. there was nothing he could do.
as soon as he's deemed free of injuries, he makes his way back to the prema garage, joining the team in watching the rest of the race. it's a good one for you; choosing to go with the opposite strategy has really worked out for you so far, with you and zak o'sullivan being the only two drivers in the top who haven't pitted yet.
ollie follows your car intently on the screen in the garage, secretly hoping for a safety car to come out and help you out with your strategy as it's nearing the last few laps. he almost doesn't pull out of his trance even when a hand lands on his shoulder. "she's doing great," dino says from behind him, the brit nodding along to his words. "especially considering... well, she must've told you about yesterday, so i won't repeat it to you."
yesterday?
ollie looks dumbfounded for a moment before he composes himself, though he has no idea what the swede is talking about. "of course."
dino lets out a chuckle, patting his friend's shoulder. "paul said she was a complete mess when he found her," he continues, not realizing he's giving ollie more clues to help figure out what in the world he's talking about. "her anxiety was all over the place, apparently. but she's recovering, she's strong. she won't let this affect her."
ollie hums agreeingly at his words, eyes still glued to the tv in front of him. "certainly," he finally gets out. "she'll get through it with ease."
and so you did – at least for this particular race.
the virtual safety car was incredibly lucky, but that's racing sometimes. with both you and zak changing your tyres in the last lap, you both managed to end up ahead of the rest of the field, and secure a podium each.
unlike in jeddah, seeing paul's car pull up right next to yours on parc ferme isn't all that bad. after yesterday's heart-to-heart with him, you feel like at least part of this podium is thanks to him. if it weren't for his encouragement, you likely would've stuck it in the wall again.
you don't ignore him this time. you don't scoff at his words, you don't feel frustrated at his mere presence. this time, you give him a tight hug when he comes over to congratulate you, arms around his shoulders forcing him close.
"thank you," you can't help but whisper, and paul is grinning from ear to ear when he pulls away from the hug.
"don't," he answers with a quick shake of his head. "you could always pull this off. you just needed a little reminder."
and not only do your shoulders and mind feel a bit lighter as you step onto that monaco podium, but most importantly, your heart.
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"i'm exhausted," you huff as you shrug your bag off your shoulders, leaving it by the door as ollie, too, makes his way into the hotel room. "thank god this weekend is finally over."
you dive onto his already-made bed, landing face-down between the pillows and blankets. the bed is huge, probably over two meters in width, and unbelievably soft. it's the first time you feel like you can truly relax since you got to monaco, and every single cell in your body thanks you for allowing them to rest a little.
"and i don't even have any sim sessions scheduled in over a week. i'm the luckiest person ever." ollie lets out a chuckle at this, his own bag crashing to the floor with a thud before his feet carry him deeper inside the room.
you turn your head and watch as he picks out a water bottle from the mini fridge, but he doesn't drink from it. instead, he makes his way to the bed, choosing to just stand next to it at first. you can't really read his expression, so you speak up – but he beats you to it. "ollie-"
"can we talk?"
you press your hands into the mattress, sitting up properly. "of course," you say, a look of unknowing dejection spreading across your features. "what's wrong?"
"that's... what i wanted to ask you, actually." ollie finally sits down on the bed, but on the opposite side of it, far from you. "what's going on? what happened yesterday?"
"oh, well..." you pause for a second, eyebrows rising as you try to find an explanation. "i just had a bad day, i didn't realize that the safety car-"
"i don't mean the race, i mean what happened after the race." his eyes are piercing into yours, not missing even the slightest movement of your face now. you've got his full attention. "with paul."
your breath hitches in your throat and you instantly look away. your voice is as low as a whisper when you speak again. "i can't believe he told you..."
"he didn't. it was someone else, but that's beside the point." you don't know if you should feel relieved that paul didn't tell ollie, or furious that he told someone else who then told ollie, but you don't have any time to think before his voice infiltrates your thoughts again. "i heard you were... i'm not going to use the same word he did, but i heard you were really upset. something about anxiety, or..."
he hopes you'll pick up where he trailed off, and despite how you're really not in the mood for this conversation right now, it feels unavoidable. "i guess... yesterday's race was really rough on me. and my racing has felt really bad recently, the anxiety has been through the roof, and..." your eyes land on your hands, watching as your fingers tremble slightly in your lap. "i don't know. something about yesterday just triggered it all again."
out of the corner of your eye, you can see ollie nodding understandingly. "how long have you been feeling like this?"
"since always, basically." a single teardrop rolls down your cheek before you even notice that you've started tearing up. you hurry to wipe it away with the sleeve of your shirt. "my mom likes to tell this story about how i used to cry if i performed poorly when i was jumping rope in kindergarten. or about how one time, i came home sobbing over the fact that i thought i was getting kicked out of kindergarten because my drawings weren't as good as the other kids'." the old stories bring a soft smile to your lips, one that soon disappears when you shake your head and squeeze your eyes shut. "it's not usually this bad, but…"
you sigh.
"it's like... imposter syndrome. i'm one of the very few women in motorsports, and i can't help but think that i'm just here because the fia wants to make the sport more equal. or because my sponsors think it's funny to have a woman among the men. or if i'm just here as eye candy. i don't deserve this, i don't have enough talent."
your little rant makes him speechless – both because he didn't expect it at all, and because to him, you're so wrong.
"you're here because you do deserve it and because you consistently perform good results, unlike most other drivers. that has nothing to do with your gender." ollie pauses for a second. "if you didn't have enough talent, you wouldn't be performing this well in a series this hard."
you can't hold back the little smile that slips onto your lips. "this is all very sweet, and i really appreciate it. but it's not that easy for me to just accept what you're saying."
yet again, he nods. "i understand." his voice is so calm, so gentle, so patient. it makes your heart soften. "i'll make sure to remind you of it more often, so that maybe it sticks."
"thank you, ollie."
a long silence follows, and you take the time to brush away a few more tears that have left your eyes. you don't know what to say or how to follow up on this heavy subject, but you don't have to think much more.
"why did you go to paul instead of me?"
your eyes dart to him at the sudden question. he's sounded so composed and calm, but he actually looks quite... nervous? his fingers are fiddling with the lid of the water bottle in his hands, and his entire upper body looks like it's trembling slightly as he breathes. "i didn't," you tell him simply. it's not a lie, per se. "he just happened to walk in on me crying."
"but why did you tell him?" ollie questions, looking up at you from the bottle. "i thought you two weren't even talking these days? ever since that fight you had?"
he is right. you don't even know why you confided in him yourself – it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. you didn't even try to deny his help; you welcomed it (and him) with open arms.
"we talked about my struggles last year," you finally say, pulling your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms around them. "so he knew already. and… i don't know, i guess it felt nice to talk to someone who really knows me."
"but i want to know you." he takes a deep breath before continuing. "i want to know more than your birthday and your favorite color. i want to know it all; what makes you feel good, what makes you anxious, what keeps you going, what slows you down..."
the physical distance between you two may only be a mere two meters, but you feel much more separated than that. you totally understand where he's coming from – he might be exaggerating a little, but your conversations with him are never really deep. though not sure whether it's because you just don't trust him or because you just have a hard time opening up, you can understand the despair he must be feeling.
when ollie notices that you aren't too keen on saying anything, he keeps going. "i want you to trust me. i want to be the person you tell these things to." he scoots closer to you on the bed, one of his hands landing on top of your knee. "i really want to make this work between us. my feelings for you are so strong, just..."
the pain in his eyes is so intense it sends a shiver down your spine, his gaze cutting through you like a knife. your own eyes begin to well up again, but you can't look away now.
"i really want you to give this, give me, a chance."
you've never seen him like this before. hopeless, desperate, practically begging. and in an instant, the guilt comes creeping back into you.
you're the one who's making him feel like this; it's all your fault. and how cruel wouldn't it be to not at least give him an honest chance?
"of course." your voice is weak and shaky, but you nod. "i want that, too. really."
ollie drops his water bottle to the floor before opening his arms wide for you. "come here."
it's easy to climb into his embrace, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as he holds you close. it's easy to lean into him, to inhale his sweet scent, and it's so easy to relax.
you wish it was as easy to open up to him. oh, how badly you wish it was as easy as a-b-c or do-re-mi. you really want to let him in; you, too, want this to work.
the silence that follows is a comfortable one. the air feels thick with unspoken emotions, a heaviness of the previous conversation still lingering, but there's an unspoken understanding between you and ollie. the previously well-known weight of the world on your shoulders seems to lift, if only momentarily; his fingers tracing soothing patterns on your back is like a silent reassurance that he's there, he's present, and he's willing to wait for you to open up in your own time.
after what feels like an eternity, ollie breaks the silence. "let's do something. let's go on a vacation together."
you lean back slightly, just enough to look at his face but stay in his hold. "…what?"
your reaction isn't exactly what he had hoped for, but he goes on. "i'm going back to italy this week, you should come with me." he reaches up with a hand to your face, thumb softly massaging away the frown you hadn't even noticed had formed. "we'll travel around, go see the national parks, hike in the mountains... swim in the sea, eat at good italian restaurants..."
your features soften at his suggestions; it all does sound very sweet. still, you can't hold back from asking, "but why?"
"we have almost a month until the next race weekend, and you said that you don't have any sims this week. this could help take your mind off racing, and..." a sheepish smile appears on his face. "maybe it could make us get a little closer."
uncertainties and conflicting thoughts continue to cloud your heart, making the decision harder than it should be. on one hand, accepting the offer could offer a much-needed reprieve from all the pressures of the racing world. on the other hand, your unresolved feelings for paul still hold you back. spending a romantic holiday with ollie sounds like a dream, just as much as the mere thought of revealing yourself to him makes you nauseous from the fear.
but you want to be brave. and maybe to let go of paul, you need to just forget about your worries and dive head-first into ollie.
"it sounds perfect. let's do it."
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yourusername just posted!
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yourusername we're back baby!! leaving monaco with some good points. 🔜 barcelona and the team's home race, let's go 😁
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user finally back on the podium! ❤️💙
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user great drive today !!!
→ user it was just luck 😭 without the vsc she would've never gotten that podium
→ user okay and??
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olliebearman what's up with the hair dinobeganovic_
→ yourusername it's called fashion
→ dinobeganovic_ it's called waking up at 5 for a feature race
→ user you're still gorgeous dino 😚
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redbulljuniorteam 💪💙❤️
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sebasmontoya58 pepe don't punch the girl, she did nothing wrong
→ yourusername i did nothing wrong!!!
→ pepemartiofficial tell him what you did
→ yourusername never
→ pepemartiofficial sebas check your whatsapp
→ yourusername YOU WOULDNT
→ pepemartiofficial i totally would
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