#also a good song about being a manipulative shit in general. i really do like playing it back to back with pain

[bitegore]

♪

Painkiller by Three Days Grace :3

I'm an unashamed little edgelord and while I don't feel like this one is quite as fun as Pain from One-X (same band, different album) I still enjoy the vibes. Favorite line would probably be uhhhhhhhhh the chorus, really...

I can be your painkiller, killer, killer / Love me 'til it's all over, over / 'Cause I'm the shoulder you cry on / The dose that you die on / I can be your painkiller, killer

I just really like the rhymes and the wordplay. It's SO edgy but it's good at being what it is and I appreciate that about it.

[merrycrisis-if]

Allie, if it's not too much, what would you say are the ROs stats? As in, what's their percentage in Success, Christmas cheer? What are their predominant character stats?

Haha this is quite an interesting question! Let's see :D

(Obviously this is mostly done in good fun and not meant to be definitive in any way.)

Got long, so under the cut.

Nat

Charisma: High. Could really turn the charm on if they wanted, but usually they're too earnest/genuine/bighearted to really use it to manipulate. Also more likely to use their charisma to make people feel at ease than to flirt or seduce or convince/argue.

Intelligence: Oh, smart. In both the bookish sense and the sense of... could talk about anything/everything under the sun kind of way. Not so peachy with numbers.

Creativity: Pretty artsy/crafty, but probably a better "talker" about art than an actual classical artist. Plays the saxophone, but is more of a music-enjoyer than a music-composer, really. Also crochets. And uh, as a anthro post doc fellow, pretty dang good at writing (sometimes writing nonsense.)

Athleticism: Could probably run away from an angry animal if chased, thanks to having to chase Kiho and Liz around all the time, but other than that... not the most sporty.

Success: Maybe medium? They're very good at writing and pitching their ideas, but unlike some MCs, they are very good at prioritizing the "life" part of the work-life balance scale.

Christmas cheer: Maybe medium as well. They did just have to spend the first Christmas with their family without MC in years, but they also love Christmas in general and are being comforted by the sights/sounds/traditions of being with their family, so. I'd say they're doing alright.

Serious/Flippant: More to the middle. They're light-hearted, but earnest/sincere.

Independent/Harmony-seeking: Harmony-seeking. They care a lot about their relationships, and making sure the people around them are happy, and sometimes tend to prioritize that over what they're feeling (a lot of the time because they sometimes don't even notice their own feelings if someone they're close to is putting out a strong emotion.)

Cynical/Optimistic: Leans pretty far to the optimistic side.

Local/Cosmopolitan: (Answering based on their r'ship to NYC) More towards the cosmopolitan side, but rather still a strong connection to NY and its community.

Shay

Charisma: Well, as mentioned in-game, they have quite a magnetic/confident presence, and could really turn-on the charm (e.g. stage presence) when they want to, but a lot of the time they just don't give a shit (unlike Nat, who'd generally be pretty nice to everyone.)

Intelligence: Not so smart in the formal, bookish way, but very good with their hands, and figuring things out intuitively. Also pragmatic and can think quickly on their feet/improvise.

Creativity: Again, great with their hands, so—probably could do art if they tried, but they never really got into it—more of a music person. They can play four different instruments, sing, and write their own songs. Generally they do prefer writing the music itself than writing lyrics though.

Athleticism: Athletic as heck. Good Kinesthetic sense/they just know what their body is doing, and have good balance. Also they like being active, so it's also a matter of also having lots of practice/exposure (fave sports? Skateboarding, mountain biking, basketball, and maybe bouldering.)

Success: Maybe medium? It's tough catching a break in Singapore, and they're still a pretty small, unknown indie band here. Also, like Nat, they have other things they like to do in life—like tend to their plants and go biking.

Christmas cheer: Pretty damned high. They've long left family drama rubbish/nonsense behind, and they've just met a very cool neighbour they might/might not have a crush on (and whom they could've just... banged). Also just did a pretty good gig on Christmas day. Life's peachy.

Serious/Flippant: Definitely flippant. Need I say more? Shay likes to think that life doesn't need to be taken too seriously.

Independent/Harmony-seeking: Leans far into the 'independent' territory. They've long learnt—from their past—that you can only really live for yourself.

Cynical/Optimistic: Optimistic, but less so than Nat. They've been burnt before, and they also have commitment issues.

Local/Cosmopolitan: Mostly leaning local.

Qiu

Charisma: Medium, I guess—they can be very convincing/persuasive, but mostly because they know which buttons to press to decimate someone's argument. Also, their quiet confidence and intelligence is sexy, but if we're talking traditional charisma/charm, then Nat and Shay definitely have the edge (Qiu's also far less likely to even want to charm anyone.)

Intelligence: Like Nat, very intelligent, but unlike Nat, they naturally think in less of a "can link ideas in all sorts of branches", divergent thinking sort of way, and more of a "let's solve the problem/dissect this problem/come up with a theory and test it", convergent thinking way. Also good with numbers and logic.

Creativity: Less creative in the traditional art/music/writing sense, but they have an underrated skill for improvisational thinking—like some of the best lawyers out there, Qiu's able to come up with/cobble together plans or arguemnts that work in an arguably pretty inventive/creative way, almost on the fly.

Athleticism: Their...Achilles heel. 😂

Success: They are the embodiment of Singapore's traditional definition of success, minus the "already married" part.

Christmas cheer: Pretty low. They've never been much of a Christmas (or holiday/festivities) sort of person though, mostly because their family almost never celebrates anything. MC's the one who used to force them to celebrate things like anniversaries and birthdays—they wouldn't bother otherwise. But they do harbor some hopes that a Christmas miracle may happen re: MC this year.

Serious/Flippant: Serious. But they do have a sarcastic/dry sense of humor.

Independent/Harmony-seeking: Bout halfway. They care too much about what the people they care about think, but everyone else = flies on the wall.

Cynical/Optimistic: As cynical as Nat's optimistic, which is to say... very much so.

Local/Cosmopolitan: Bout halfway. They're widely-read and cosmopolitan in their tastes, but also have never imagined themselves living anywhere other than SG.

OK oh my god! That got WAY too long I'm not sure anyone will actually read this, but yep! Those are my answers!

[astrangetorpedo]

Catching Up with Lucy Dacus and Fenne Lily

by Lucy Dacus | 11/13/20

Lucy Dacus is a Richmond, Virginia-based singer-songwriter and one-third of the folk supergroup boygenius; Fenne Lily is Bristol, UK-based singer-songwriter whose album BREACH was released in September by Dead Oceans. For this phone call, the two friends set out to dive deep on their recent dreams, and ended up taking in much, much more.

— Annie Fell, Talkhouse Senior Editor

Fenne: Before this call, I was just looking you up. Is that weird?

Lucy: You were listening to my music?

Fenne: Yeah!

Lucy: That’s so funny, I was listening to your music. “I, Nietzsche.”

Fenne: [Laughs.] You actually were one of the many reasons why I broke up with the guy that that song is about.

Lucy: Oh, my god, I didn’t like him at all.

Fenne: Do you remember? It was literally the first time I met you, pretty much, or maybe the second time. I was with him and he tried to pull me out of the conversation because he wanted to go home or something — probably to read Nietzsche. And you were like, “Don’t touch my girl like that.” And I was like, Lucy Dacus just called me her girl, and I need to leave this boy. [Laughs.]

Lucy: I felt quickly defensive of you. We had hardly met, but he was just acting so brutish. It was like, Damn, who is this guy? It was so brutish that I thought maybe you didn’t even know him, but then you were like, “No, I’m actually with him.”

Fenne: Yeah, he’s been inside me. [Laughs.] I mean, you’re someone who makes good decisions, so you’re probably not going to answer this with a yes, but have you ever been with someone that you’re like, “I can’t believe that I gave them my body, and my heart.”

Lucy: Yeah, I am easily disgusted by the idea of some of the people that I used to really have tenderness for. But then I realize, that was not a bad quality, to be able to find good things about a bad person. Even that’s tough, to call someone just a straight up bad person, but someone that I really don’t like now, I try not to be like, I’m such an idiot. That was just a part of growing, realizing that just because they have a couple good qualities doesn’t mean that they have to be my life partner.

Fenne: Yeah, I mean, I like to think of the really bad relationships I’ve been in as, like, an exercise in compassion, to an extent where now retrospectively I can see that they were manipulating me. But at the time, I was so ready to be like, You’re just an injured soul and you need a safe place, and I can be that place. But that should only be for a time. And I think I’ve definitely seen people in those relationships for a long time and it starts wearing away at them, and the way that you see yourself like personally. So as much it’s a practice in being able to see past someone’s bad qualities, I know that there’s a cutoff point for that. But yeah, thanks for protecting me. [Laughs.]

Lucy: Yeah, I think that was actually after I went through my long, drawn out, like, worst relationship. And I think that since then, I’ve been overly defensive probably. Or I just love my friends so much that I feel like nobody deserves them, and I’m just like, and I’m just like, “Go away!” to most people that my friends date. That’s not totally true, but it’s like a recurring feeling. But yeah, I hardly knew you so I was probably overstepping a bound by trying to defend you.

Fenne: It made my heart soar, and I honestly felt safe. But you have that lyric that goes, “You don’t deserve what you don’t respect,” and I always kind of thought that you were singing about yourself, but maybe you’re singing generally about people that you love also.

Lucy: Yeah, I definitely thought it about other people first, because it’s easier to defend other people than yourself. And then I realize, I should take my own advice, but I’m still not so good at that. But I think I’m better at it.

Fenne: Do you ever find yourself writing yourself as a character so that you can make clearer judgments on your own shit? Like, do you ever make yourself the third person so you can be like, “Lucy should do this.”

Lucy: A lot of people I know great as a character, but I have no such self-control. I definitely wish that I could write it as an exercise, but writing often just feels sort of like throwing up. You know what I mean? All of a sudden it’s just there, and you don’t necessarily want it to be there, an inconvenience. And I don’t really know what I’m saying until the song is written. Like, I would really love to be able to say, like, Oh, I’d like to process this event in my life, or this thought, — I will make art about it. But that has never been a skill. I feel like all my songs start as subconscious vomit.

Fenne: I agree. I thought you were going to go the opposite direction, because as a person, you seem like someone who thinks before they speak and considers the weight and the repercussions of what they’re saying. So it’s interesting that your process doesn’t reflect what I see in your character, in that sense.

Lucy: I think it’s easier to talk to other people than to myself. I think that I carry a weight of, like, you know, say-what-you-mean when I’m talking to other people, but I don’t have a practice of talking like that to myself. So it’s just kind of forced upon me sometimes, that I end up talking to myself through writing a song. Is that how you write? Do you actually sit down and say, “I’m going to write about this,” and then you write a song about what you intend to write about?

Fenne: No, I have very little foresight or planning or structure to any part of my life, and it is definitely affecting the way I work. I literally get to the point where I haven’t written in so long that I’m furious at myself for not doing anything. And I sit down, and it is like word vomit. I’m like, Something’s coming out, I’m just going to let it happen, because if I don’t, it might never happen again. And often, I’m writing and I don’t know why I’m writing from the perspective I’m writing from.

At the moment I am in a relationship that I am really comfortable in, and he makes me feel brilliant most of the time, I still feel these inexplicable periods of sadness that almost make me feel guilty, because he obviously sees me going through this and maybe thinks it’s a reflection on him. And often those are the feelings that come out when I’m writing. I think it’s a hangover from being a kid and being unable to talk about how I feel to my family, despite the fact that they’re really emotionally intelligent people and completely up fo talking about feelings, I was almost rebelling against that. So I started writing at that time because I literally couldn’t get out my feelings in any other way. I feel like I still do that, where I’m subconsciously storing up fuel to then speak to myself about songs, rather than having to vocalize it in words. So it’s never a case of being like, I’m gonna write a song about global warming — although now that I’ve said that, maybe I should do that. [Laughs.]

Lucy: I feel like it’s really rare to write about topical things and have it actually be good. I have some family members who are just like, “You should really write a song about everything that’s going on in these uncertain times!” And I’m just like, no. I just feel like my perspective isn’t necessary — just, like, as a white person, I simply don’t need to be taking up space. I’m grateful I have a platform that I can put other voices onto, with the literal easiest thing ever of resharing things.

But yeah, I think it could be useful for you to do a song about global warming, I hope you end up writing one. That’d be awesome. But don’t be tacky — it’s weird to be like, Oh, this is topical. It just it ends up feeling really tacky, I think, as a listener.

Fenne: I think to an extent, everything that I’ve written during this pandemic situation… I haven’t written a lot, I’ve feeling really unconnected to myself, and the world, and feeling really weird. But in a sense, everything that you’re writing is about the fucked up stuff that’s going on, even if it’s not directly preaching. I feel like the way you and I write is naturally diaristic, and doesn’t feel completely separate from the stuff that’s going on. You’re quite a permeable person emotionally, I think, and I definitely am. It’s inescapable that outside stuff is inevitably going to become part of the material, even if you if you don’t say, “Trump” and “Brexit” and the whole thing.

But you’re right. I mean, I’m dreading next year when all these quarantine albums come out, where all the songs are going to be called like, “Masked and Alone,” and “My Wifi’s Too Slow.” Have you been writing a lot during this period, or have you been feeling a bit dead?

Lucy: I actually have been writing a lot because, I think I end up writing to escape the present and to not think about the future. I feel like most of my creative life comes from the past. Thinking about the future is scary and living in the present is scary, and the past is certain, it can’t be changed. It’s static. I journal, so I’ve been rereading my journals and kind of remembering some emotional things that I haven’t really put to rest yet, and so that’s just kind of ending up being what I’m writing about right now. And then I might write about what’s happening in the year 2020 in, like, 2025. Do you ever have a dialogue about where you’re writing about something like many years after?

Fenne: Yeah, 100 percent. This record that I just released, when I first started writing for it, it [was] really important for me to reflect the growth that I feel I’ve experienced since the first album came out. That was kind of my first thing — I was like, I need to almost prove that I changed, if not just to myself, to people that are listening to the music.

And then as I started writing, there was a lot of stuff coming up. I was having these conversations with my mum about why I always feel angry rather than sad as my go-to feeling, and how I always feel panicky very fast. And she was telling me that when I was born, I didn’t have that big intake of breath that normal births provide — I was a cesarean, I just got cut out — and she was like, “For the first year of the life, you were crying if you weren’t held and you were always in pain and your spine was all weird and you just were not comfortable in your skin.” That was so interesting to hear that, because I genuinely feel like I haven’t really changed that much from how I came into the world. I definitely think there’s something to be said for your entrance into the world influencing how you exist in that world. So as much as I’m like, I really want to write about being 21, I feel like I also want to talk about being two again. It wasn’t a conscious thing, but it happened.

But you’re right about the past, it isn’t going to change, and thinking about the future is really scary, especially when — I don’t know how the rules are changing in the states, but especially here, it’s like we’re being run by children. It’s like “You can do what you want! Oh, no, those people died. Well, that’s a shit. Maybe we should stay inside again. Oh, no, that hasn’t worked.” No one knows what’s going on and to even try and get your head around what it’s going to be like in a week or year is impossible. And that makes you feel powerless, and then that makes

Lucy: Have you been having any of weird dreams during lockdown?

Fenne: The first couple of weeks I didn’t have any dreams. I think I was still in a state of shock, where I was like, This doesn’t feel normal. I almost [felt] like when you smoke too much weed, and your waking mind is going crazy, and then when you go to sleep, your body’s like, I literally can’t do it any more crazy anymore.

That was my brain for a while, but then come week three or four, I started having terrifying — like, not even apocalyptic dreams, just dreams when nothing was right. I had those, like. “running on the spot trying to get away from something but I couldn’t,” just really visceral, realistic horror dreams. I don’t know when they stopped, but it was dark for a bit. What about you?

Lucy: I think similarly in the beginning, I wasn’t having a lot of dreams. I did have this one dream about me and a lot of friends touring this big, kind of mansion-like house that was furnished. And they were like, “Oh, look, there’s a room over here, I found a new room!” And we were all just running around, like, laughing and loving this huge house. So I woke up and I was like, You know what, I’m just going to get on Zillow and see if there’s a big place that I could just fit my fantasy into. And there was this place that was listed, like, three days prior, and it looked so similar to the house of my dream. So I called my friends that were in the dream and I was like, “Hey, do you want to move in together? I just had this dream and I found this house and we were all in it together.” And that actually happened in July, like I live in the house with the people that were in the dream

Fenne: Oh, my god, that’s amazing.

Lucy: Did you feel you were psychic ever?

Fenne: Stupid stuff, like I predicted my brother’s birth. I was sitting with my mom on the stairs of old house, and I was, like, one and a half or two. I was like, “It’s going to be a brother, I think,” or something like that. And she was like, “What are you talking about?” And I put my hand on her tummy and said, “It’s going to be a brother, but it’s a sister I had in mind.” And she was like, “That was weird,” and then she went to get a pregnancy test and she was a month pregnant.

Lucy: Oh, wow. I thought you were saying like, “My mom was pregnant, so I predicted that she would have a baby.”

Fenne: No, like straight up, she had no idea.

Lucy: That’s much more impressive.

Fenne: She didn’t tell me for a long time — maybe until I was 15 I didn’t know, because she was like, “I don’t want to give her false power, I don’t want her to think that everything she has a feeling about is going to happen.”

But I think I go through certain areas where I get a bad feeling and try and squash it if I don’t know anything about it, and then it’s proven to me that I was right. I moved into this really spooky house… when I first moved to Bristol I was in shared houses, and then I was like, I really want a place to live with a couple of friends. We were looking somewhere and we, in the process, got kicked out of our existing houses, so we had to rush finding a place. We settled on this house that was enormous and really cheap, and we didn’t know why it was so cheap but we didn’t really think about it.

When we first went to view it, I was like, This feels wrong. Something about the energy of this house is not nice. It doesn’t feel like we’re welcome here. And I told my friend, and he was like, “Well, we don’t really have the chance to be picky right now, and we don’t have any money.” So we moved in, and then a couple of weeks after we moved in I was sitting outside — we signed on for a year, so we couldn’t get out even if we wanted to. I was sitting outside the house and the next door neighbor talking to me, and we were chatting and she was like, “Do you know the story behind the house you just moved into?” I was like, “No, but please tell me because I don’t like it.” And basically, about 10 years ago, maybe less, this family next door, who still lives next door, the dad in the family shot some guy because they were in warring gangs — I live in a really rough bit of Bristol. He shot this guy and tried to hide the body in the basement of the house that we live in now, and then he tried to escape to the States, and his wife bought him the ticket — they both went down for a long time, and the kids were in care. Now the woman’s out of jail and she’s living next door with the kids. So I was like, “There’s been a dead body in my house.” And I feel like I knew that something was wrong and I ignored it, and then ever since that point, I had to live there for another 11 months. And I had all my practice equipment in the basement, I’d made it into a room where we could record, and then it just didn’t feel good from that point on. I didn’t want to go downstairs.

Lucy: If you felt good, I’d be really concerned. [Laughs.] I do feel like people like haunted houses sometimes, like some people really get into that. I don’t understand it. I feel like you can only be into it if you haven’t truly been affected by the haunting of the house.

Fenne: It’s the kind of thing that you want to go into for a trip, but t you don’t want to really live there. I don’t know about you, and I will ask you, but I didn’t really think I was that much of a believer in ghosts for a pretty long time, and then I was listening to this podcast where people tell real stories from their lives — it’s not scripted at all, at least that’s what they say. There’s so many stories of people moving into a house, getting a weird feeling, and then their kid start talking to ghosts. Some of the stories are so visceral and so complicated and so obviously made me see that there is another world that I haven’t personally come into contact with, but why would we not? Have you had ghost experiences?

Lucy: Oh, yeah, more recently. I feel like I’ve heard from friends that the more you open yourself up to it, the more that it comes to you. I feel like I was just kind of closed off for a really long time. Even that podcast, I’d have been like, “Oh, good stories,” like whether that’s true or not, it doesn’t really matter. But having had your own experiences and having friends tell you stories — it’s really hard to refute someone you care about saying like, “This happened,” or something happening in your life. I’ve seen and heard things that I can’t explain, and I don’t know if it’s ghosts, but certainly something has happened that is completely unreasonable and inexplicable.

I do feel like they have sort of an architectural tone — you know, like haunting, need a place for it, and I do feel like there are some places that I’ve had, like, weird experiences that feel kind of supernatural. I think that once I realized, like, Oh, this is real, life is just kind of… The possibility has been there, so more of it has just come into my life. Not really as much right now — like the house we moved into should absolutely be haunted, but I don’t think that it is. There is sort of a weird energy — and anybody should laugh at me for talking about it this way, probably — but like, the energy is benevolent. If this is a haunted house, it’s a chill ghost.

Fenne: I think there’s no reason to not think that the energy of the previous people in a place affect it. Even if you don’t think a ghost is like an actual vision of a person, an exact replica of that exact person, I definitely think some places have bad vibes, some places have good vibes. But you can’t change the feeling in a place. When I moved into my current place, it was trash — the people that lived here before that burned the carpets up and left all their furniture here, and there were scrapes on the walls and stuff, and, like, everything was painted black. It was so weird. And again, I was poor and didn’t have much choice. So I moved in by myself and made it really nice with my best friend, and actually hung a picture of your face on the wall — that’s one of the first things I did, and I think that really helped.

But then I was broken into when I was on tour, and they stole all my merch money, which was a huge blow, and my laptop which had all my demos on it. So I went back to the house and the whole feeling had completely changed. And I worked very hard to not let this be a negative place for me, and I feel like that’s just been completely invaded and disrupted. And I obviously was scared as well, so I just got three of my best friends to live with me for a month, just to reset the feeling. And it worked.

I mean, you know as well as anyone that music isn’t particularly lucrative when you’re in the beginning stages of it, and a grand in cash will see you through two months. And that was not possible because… I don’t know, I hope that it was someone that needed it a lot, because I don’t like thinking it was just some guy that was like, “You know what, I’m pissed and I want stuff.” But I think as a person, I generally kind of revert to running away from stuff that is bad. So I think if I hadn’t really thought about it and wanted to stay in this place, I would have just moved.

Lucy: I don’t know if I told you, but I was robbed in May of this year, during quarantine. So, yeah, I’m really sorry that happened to you. I have a whole new, you know, knowing what it feels like. I was actually in the house, and I woke up at 5AM and heard — but I have such a creative mind, to put it lightly, where often I’ll hear things and be like, Oh, that’s the absolute worst thing that could possibly be. And I think like that all the time, so I know not to let it take hold over my thoughts.

So I woke up at 5 and was like, Oh, it sounds like people are in the kitchen opening the window, and well, they’re probably gone if they are, and probably they aren’t even there in the first place. I’m gonna go back to sleep. But then I went downstairs and someone had taken my wallet and a laptop and all of the booze in the house, and some other trinkets. Luckily nothing so bad — we had guitars around, and the guitars weren’t taken. One time I was robbed and someone stole my journals of three years, like all my journals of my whole college experience before I dropped out, and that’s the worst. That still hurts so much, not having those years documented.

But yeah, I did move. That dream I had about a new house, it was the old house that got broken into, and then we moved to this house. I feel a lot safer, but I definitely felt like, on top of feeling isolated and not leaving the house — like literally not even going onto the porch for a long time — I just dissociated for like a month and a half, basically June and the beginning of July.

I don’t know, I think a lot of people are going through things like that, and the general state of life is so fragile that when negative events come into life, it just feels kind of harder to recover. But I definitely I feel a lot better now. Do you feel any better in your house?

Fenne: I do, although it was a while ago. But yeah, just imagining that feeling — I wasn’t in. I was abroad, so I had to wait like a week to get back. But I can’t imagine knowing. You knew something was up, but you convinced your brain that it was just doing that thing that it does, and being in and being invaded in that way. That’s fucked.

It just hurt me so deeply that you had your journals stolen — that’s like taking a chunk of someone’s whole brain. And they don’t have any use for that stuff. Like the way that I was trying to frame the break in when it happened was like, OK, that’s cash, that’s a laptop. If they need them, those will provide for them in some way. But I was almost like, Why couldn’t they have left my memory stick with my demos on it? Because that wouldn’t benefit them. They took a packet of photographs, which was, like old family photos.

But there is so much bad, life ruining stuff happening at the moment anyway. And granted, it happens always, and I do think that the BLM protests in Bristol came right at the perfect point where everybody was angry about how we are being governed as a country, generally, through the corona stuff. And then the BLM stuff came at a time where everyone was so ready to be unhappy with the way that the world is run.

It was almost like, I’m aware that racism hasn’t just arrived overnight, and everyone was just like, “Oh, no, racism exists.” But it happened at a time when everyone was really open to the possibility that stuff is bad still, and we really need to make an effort as a community to change that.

I mean, this is completely unrelated to the health stuff, but there are so much bad, bad shit going on, and it’s a conscious decision to, daily, allow it to come in in a way that you can process in a positive way. It’s just so easy to doomscroll and be like, Fuck, this is really bad. You need to kind of police yourself as to when you let that stuff in, because it’s so easy to just constantly be tapped into this modern hellscape.

I recently got locked out of Instagram for no real reason, and initially I was like, Damn, that’s where I get all my stuff from. And then I was like, Actually, this is great for me because I can focus on the closest things to me and how to change the things that I can change. And not just think that the big picture is unattainable and so badly ruined that I don’t feel like I have the power to change anything.

Lucy: So maybe just to close, we can each tell a recent dream that we had.

Fenne: Weirdly, when you said that we should talk about dreams for our theme, I just typed in “dreams” in my notes on my phone, and I screenshotted a bunch of them, but two of them are so, so similar that it freaked me out, firstly, and then I realized that they’re exactly a year apart.

Lucy: Woah, that it so weird.

Fenne: The second one was when I was in Chicago recording, and the first one was a year before that.

So the first one, all I’ve written is, “Dream: Breastfeeding on a beach thinking, This would make a beautiful photo. Shiny sticker, little Game Boy, tiny nipples, holding hands while a wave rolls over.” And then the second bit is, “Nana is hosting a Halloween party. Me getting skateboard advice from a kind, kind man.”

I would like to pay the main attention to the breastfeeding part and the Halloween part, because exactly a year later in Chicago — I think around the time I was seeing a guy over there from Tinder, who was a skateboarder, so that’s kind of cool too. So the Chicago dream is, “Mum pregnant, me also pregnant. Letter writing to get better in school. Buying Halloween costumes with tall people and a beautiful woman on a minimum wage budget. Didn’t go for the white outfit.” And then the last line is,”Pour whiskey in my ear to unblock me, please.” [Laughs.]

Lucy: [Laughs.] Do you type these as soon as you wake up?

Fenne: Yeah, so they’re literally just key bits. I like to think I’m quite a stable person who’s got q handle on how they deal with their feelings, but it seems that there’s a lot of breastfeeding, pregnancy, weird kind of mom-daughter problem stuff that maybe I need to work through. And Halloween seems to be something I hold close to my heart, strangely.

What’s your most recent weird one?

Lucy: I almost never have any sort of, like, motherhood type of dreams. I mean, I’m also adopted and have pretty much no desire to ever be pregnant, so I guess I my subconscious just doesn’t complain. Like, Yes, that is true.

I’ve been having a lot of dreams set in Russia, which is a complicated setting because, as I said, I’m adopted, and my parents told me I was Russian when I was growing up. Actually when I turned 18, I got my file and found out that I’m genetically Uzbek, like from Uzbekistan, so not Russia. I took two years of Russian in high school to get connected to that part of myself, and then it’s like, I’m not even Russian.

So I’ve been having all these dreams set in Russia, and I had one a few days ago where the entire staff of Matador was swimming up an icy river and Rennie [Jaffe], who is both of our managers, and everyone that works at Matador was swimming up an icy river — freezing, and like chunks of ice floating by — because we were on our way to a show. We really wanted to see this girl sing.

Only four of us survived: Me, [Matador founder] Chris Lombardi, and Rian Fossett, and Malcolm Donaldson, who all work at Matador. We get to the shore and the promoters are there and they’re like, “Hey, we have blankets for you, thanks for making the trip, we know it’s such a hassle getting here. We have vodka and we have tea and blankets and heaters in this trailer, and we’re so happy you can make it.” And they have this little trailer set up next to this sports stadium where the show is going to be. They bring in the girl who they’re scouting, I guess to sign, and she’s so nervous. I’m trying to talk to her an be like, OK, it’s gonna be OK, you know, I was happy when Matador reached out to me, I think it’ll be fine, you seem really sweet.” We listened to her record, and the first song was the most beautiful song I’d ever heard. You know in a dream where you wake up and can’t remember what it was, but you know in the dream the supreme beauty was apparent to you? We all cried and were like, “We’re just honored to be here with you, you’re going to be a star,” everyone was so emotional. And then a couple of songs in, we were still liking it, but towards the end of the record, everyone got really bored and tired. So in, like, 20 minutes, it was just this beautiful, elated feeling to everyone sort of unspokenly getting really tired of her voice, the most beautiful voice in the world. And she noticed, and I noticed, and it was clear that everyone kind of just wanted to go. like when a party has gone on too long. She just started crying, and I just wanted to say, “I don’t know how to explain it, the feeling just left.”

And that was the dream, where I just had to console the best musician in the entire world that everyone just labeled not engaging enough.

Fenne: At the beginning of this dream, I thought the main part of it was — because this is way more detailed than I remember anything, like even real life — when you said that only only a few of you made it, I was like, Is this icy river a metaphor for the long road to being able to do shows again? And that a lot of people that we work with will just die after the market being ruined? But that’s so, so sad!

Lucy: I felt grief when I woke up. I have this problem where I wake up from dreams and I feel so deeply for everyone that I met in the dream. I thought about her the rest of the day, where I really felt bad for her even though she was a figment of my imagination. Like I had such sympathy for her position, and I really couldn’t understand and wanted to understand why we didn’t keep loving her music. I don’t know, it felt like something dark and sad going on there.

Fenne: Oof. I want to meet her. I want to climb in your brain and meet her.

Lucy: I could draw her. I wake up from dreams and I could tell you all of the architecture, I could tell you the fabric on the furniture and what makeup people are wearing, and shoes people are wearing. A lot of info.

Fenne: For a split second when I wake up, it’s like that, but yeah. There’s an artist called [Zdzisław] Beksiński — he trained as an architect and then he became a photographer, and then eventually he became this incredible painter, and his paintings inspired, like, black metal artwork. It’s like a lot of huge, imposing buildings draped in flesh, spiderwebs, and they’re beautiful because of how intricate they are, and they kind of glow. But he said that often he’d have the idea that — it’s not a theme, but it’s actually the picture itself, and then he replicated from this picture in his brain. So maybe you should go into Russian hellscape painting. [Laughs.]

(x)

[softness-and-shattering]

About the Mean Girls musical movie

I know Ive had conversations before about the cultural context stuff, that it seems like the message was not as effective as the first movie when the stuff its talking about, how girls are wrong whatever they do and everything is up for criticism and filming, and you have to pretend to be sweet and kind fairy princesses instead of being allowed to be human. And Id have to go back and find those posts to see what I do and dont agree with now. Because I just saw the movie. And honestly, I liked it. A lot of the visuals were really fun and interesting, which I think is impressive in a movie that mostly takes place inside of a high school. Regina more than once looks like she's in a music video, and that works because shes so hyped, its like she lives in a reality where not only do people break into song, but she's always in a music video. She really sells the character, self-assured and in charge and perfectly manipulative, and even when she's being vulnerable you're like, but is this another deception? She's more villainous in this version, and by the end maybe more human as well. (also the costuming is phenomenal, that Halloween angel dress?? The entire Halloween Someone Get Hurts sequence might be my favourite. )

Also Renee Rapp, who plays Regina, is just incredibly hot. She also played Regina on Broadway so it makes sense she has the character down. Thats not film critique thats my personal admiration. Its almost a little silly with the "oh no Regina is gaining weight she cant fit her clothes" because she looks amazing. [Edit: She's also obviously - I was gonna say she seems older than the other "teens" but actually she's 24, so Im having a moment of feeling old. And she's actually the same age as Auli'i Cravalho who is a lot younger in my mind because holy shit Moana came out EIGHT years ago?? Angourie Rice/Cady is 23, Jaquel Spivy/Damian is 26, Avantika/Karen is 19, thats more the age I thought they were but not the cast seems to be mostly 23-26. Its so weird when times moves the same for people while your image of them in your head stays the same. So Rapp isn't older she's just a bit bigger (neutral/positive). And she's been playing the role for a long time. And Im allowed to find her hot because she's a goddamn adult and so am I. This paragraph is not critique it is me blogging on my blog. Now Im annoyed at myself for Caveats of Fear but Im gonna stop dwelling on that now.]

On that note, though I originally liked the musical quite a lot, the significant fatphobia in it soured it for me. And Im happy to say in the musical movie, they changed or omitted those lines. I was waiting to cringe and they just sang something else. So that was great. I think the only fat character was Damian (why does that suddenly look like a vampire name?) - Jaquel Spivy - and he seemed comfy and cool, no self deprecating fat jokes or anything. Generally the lines/jokes that were uncomfortable or a bit bigoted have been changed. Though there isnt any disability rep, and theres a random character the burn book claims puts alcohol in her inhaler, like a 3 second joke.

And the big thing is that a lot of the meanness is shown in montages of vertical video and comments - no-brand tiktok obviously - and I think thats pretty realistic, and also in the original theme of not being mean to peoples faces but talking all kinds of shit behind their backs. And I think the montage format is effective in mimicking that endless scroll eyes glazing over stuck in the doom scroll/stuck in the spectacle. The music was good. I really liked how they overlaid the Spring Fling/thematic music with the math competition. If anything, Cady is not as good of a character, her Plastic switch is basically overnight, the scene with Aaron at the party is still kinda of awkward, she doesnt get as much room to breathe, while almost everyone else comes off really well. Heck even the candy cane/glen coco guy did well, I was actually suprised at how differently and yet excellently the actors acted their lines, compared both to the previous movie and the musical. Auli'i is fantastic, scary Janis is *scary*. And I simultaneously want to be her best friend. (It certainly helps that her art is augmented with embroidery and she's carrying embroidery hoops in multiple scenes. Fiber arts my loves.)

When I first saw a trailer my thoughts were "ugh we dont need another movie of this," but I think Ive changed my mind. Its similar enough and different enough that for me its a good adaptation. Also - I almost forgot to say - Janis gets a girlfriend for Spring Fling. Its not a plot point, we're just montaging getting ready and Janis goes to pick her up (in the lavender suit), and Damian is taking photos with two other sapphic couples. And he gets a crush/admirer who again, is just there to be there and doesnt interfere with the main story. I might change my mind again once its had time to settle in my thoughts, but initial impression is that its a fun movie I would watch again. Maybe we want the social commentary to be more incisive than it is, and in the end it is entertainment that needs to not be too boring to hold peoples shortening attention spans. (also neutral). Maybe thats wishing for it to be a movie that its not trying to be, and thats always a recipe for disappointment and also not great or fair analysis. What a fantastic line to end on*.

[sixthwater]

Hi everyone! So this pac originally was supposed to be about your shadow traits, but instead it wanted to be about current circumstances and some advice, and I can't really argue with the cards. So here we are. As always whatever doesn't resonate leave it, and remember that your circumstances are special to you. Also, this time around the songs seemed more like messages to you than for you? With that being said, let's get into it:

(Left → Right / Pile 1 → Pile 5)

Decks Used: Archetype Oracle, Horror Tarot, Abandoned Oracle, Tarot Familiars, Woodland Wardens, The Seed and Sickle Oracle

Disclaimer | Pinned | Paid Readings

Pile One

Issue

Cards: Prince Rx, Poet Rx, VIII of Swords Rx, Page of Wands, Justice Rx, The Hanged Man Rx, King of Cups, The Beggar, Backstabber, The Cat Rx, THe Viewing Rx

Before I dive into this, I want to point out some imagery. With the VIII of Swords and Backstabber, there’s a feeling of being defensive and feeling like you can’t relax. The Queen of Swords did pop up in reverse but it didn’t want to come out. Prince is also showing his back but he’s not fully leaving his guard down either. Thought that was something to note before I explain my thought process.

There’s an energy I can’t ignore where problems seem to be attracted to you, almost constantly? If you’re familiar with Resident Evil, the doll on the Page of Wands looks eerily similar to Angie; who is very annoying and constantly provokes the protagonist up until she “dies”. Which brings me to another point; there’s an emphasis on speech or words. Emotions too. Like someone who knows just what to say, when to say it or how to say it to upset someone. There’s a lot of mercurial energy going on here. It mainly feels like a wounded animal though when they’re trying to find an escape to go into hiding so they can heal or lick their wounds? “Can toss it out but can’t take it”. There’s an emotional/mental landscape where it’s coming from a lack mindset and it’s worried about things being pulled from under them or it’s used to being attacked, so when things feel too comfortable or someone makes a light jab, it gets met with a punch. You have — so you’re aware or you have an inkling of what’s good for you and what needs to leave, and it kind of feels like ancestors would be giving you hints as well if you’re doubting yourself, but there’s an inkling of you feeling better because it’s either routine or you have some piece of control over the situation. Not necessarily control over the people around you, but it’s like ‘I could leave for a better situation but these people come to me for help and it makes me feel better, so I’ll put up with the anxiety and feeling on edge’. Absolutely feels internally like the dialogue between Seymour and Audrey II during ‘Feed Me’. Within the song, Seymour comes off as a sensitive kind person while Audrey II is aware of this and preys on it, manipulating his wants/desires in order to get what he wants while feigning friendship and loyalty. You can free yourself of this so let’s see how we can do that.

Advice

Cards: Guide, IX of Cups, III of Cups, II of Cups Rx, Temperance Rx, The Badger and Gingko, The Snail and Huckleberry, Apple Rx, Hops Rx, Basil Rx

Okay I was getting some very specific pissed off ex songs as well as you having a pretty decent intuition but I guess the first few cards confirmed it.

You got a lot of introspective cards so listen to me: go fucking take a break. Go mind your business. I’m not gonna keep repeating the messages that keep coming through audio wise cause I’m pretty sure whoever this is for already gets the message, but in general, you guys need to take your mind off of this and re-engage with what brought you joy the first time. For those that were dating: what were you doing before being couple’d up? Did you enjoy roller skating (I know roller rinks are out of date but idc they’re fun <3)? Did you go to parks? Pottery classes? Amusement Parks? Go do that shit again! Go hang out with your friends if you can, or go to meet-ups and meet some new friends! You need to realign yourself and in a weird way, be okay with chaos again. It can feel disorientating when people exit your life like this because it seems like only one side is messed up, but I assure you that it’ll be okay in months time and you’ll understand that they didn’t stay here for your benefit. It’s funny because a song with a very different meaning came on but there’s a particular line: I know what it's like staying up all night nursing wounds. You need to let these emotions out and not in the ‘I’m fine fuck them’, like legitimately just express how you feel. If you’re upset that’s fine, if you miss them that’s fine. Holding any of this in just prolongs the process, and that’s not fair to you. You need to treat yourself like royalty and make yourself feel better, go treat yourself to some unhealthy desserts if you feel like shit it’s okay!

For those that don’t resonate with the romantic relationship message, it’s a sign to not make these relationships the center of your universe. It’s okay to be giving and engaged within these relationships but listen to your intuition. If you feel like you can’t relax, look into why. Be okay with understanding that not every person you want to be friends with might be on the same level as you — you never know who you’ll end up being best friends with. You and them should enjoy each other for who you are. There’s an emphasis on trusting your intuition though and not sitting in your head, it tends to get you in trouble. Things will constantly be changing in your life and even when you have constant friends, your lives will change individually but that doesn’t mean the care you have for each other changes. I think you guys really crave stability, which is fine, but the lack of inner stability is what throws you guys off of your game. As soon as that’s achieved, I think everything will be a bit brighter!

Songs: Guilty Pleasure - Cobra Starship, Feed Me (Git It!) - Little Shop of Horrors, B.S. (ft. H.E.R.) - Jhené Aiko, Mad IQs - I Don’t Know How But They Found Me, Harenchi - CHANMINA, The People I Know - Eric Hutchinson

Pile Two

Issue

Cards: Hero/Heroine Rx, Page of Pentacles Rx, The Egg Rx, Ink

Escapism and very shut off currently. It’s not like I was blocked from accessing your energy, but when I went to pull from the tarot deck, it didn’t want to hand me anything as you can see. So it could be a depressive episode for some or using something to ‘check out’ for others. There is also a young feeling to this pile? You may not literally be young, but there’s no sense of self or sense of true identity here. I remember watching a video a while back about how people clung to aesthetic to identify themselves but they couldn’t truly explain who they were beyond being ‘y2k girlboss apple music’ and forced themselves to stay in that box and I think that’s happening here. There are qualities that are fantastic for storytelling or artistic endeavors, I can’t ignore that because they're very strong, but they’re not being utilized. It reminds me a lot of myself right after high school; a fear of new responsibilities, new chapters, a ‘new pond’ as Paramore put it lol. If you’re more sensitive to these things I’m not surprised that you cave in on yourself and hole yourself up in your room or in your head, in turn skipping out on a lot of real life responsibilities that run your life into the ground. In another sense, there could also be bravado that is found when people try to make up for their fears — not letting people see what’s beneath the mask. Like Eddie? From Stranger Things if I remember anything about his character. The person on the Ink card is covered in tattoos and it stands for being rebellious and not fitting in and I don’t usually take it this way, but she looks regretful and in pain instead of being comfortable with herself. There’s not much else to say because I think there’s much more to be found in your healing.

Advice

Cards: Guide, Shape-Shifter, II of Swords, King of Wands, Ace of Cups Rx, Knight of Cups Rx, The Spider and Passionflower Rx, Foxglove, Bramble Rx

You feel like a person who is more sensitive to the music you listen to. Watch your moods for the next week or so and what music you’re listening to and see if they correlate (more irritated or upset when listening to heavy or loud music, susceptible to downward spirals when listening to things like florence, etc). Also some of you might get some smaller messages within Pile One but I don’t think you guys cross over much, I’m just getting a few of the same songs. Now I advise you to pay attention to my disclaimer because this is a general reading: but this is really giving me the feeling of an unstable home that is incompatible with your emotional state. There’s a general supportive message coming in that there’s a choice to make (whether literally or just mentally/emotionally) that will put you in a better spot. So either distancing yourself a bit from others who are demanding and don’t give you the same respect you give them, or quite literally moving — it’s going to be a bit different for all of you. You need to be more confident in yourself and the abilities that you have within, the ones that you’ve gained thus far. There are two things but you have to stop letting everyone take a piece of you when they don’t deserve it and be wary of those who have ‘crooked smiles’ (lying to your face). You are stronger and more capable than you seem and you can go further than you believe, but someone / something at some point has imprinted in your head that it’s not possible. So now you’re stuck in that mindset. Owls are known to be intelligent creatures, same with Cats. You got both of them; I don’t really care how you perceive yourself, but your entire spread is screaming that you’re insanely capable and the only thing stopping the change of mindset is possibly a depressive episode you’re currently in, and then self-limiting beliefs. Which is a lot easier to type out, and it takes work, but you can do it. I’m repeating myself because I know you don’t believe me lol. It’s not a sense of being naturally gifted, but if you want something, and you work hard at it, you’ll make that dream come true. You don’t give up and you put your heart into everything that you care for. Whatever choice you make, the most important decision is to make sure that you are safe and that it lets you shine, because you deserve to be happy.

Songs: Drugs in California - Transviolet, 1901 - Phoenix, Blinding Lights - The Weeknd, Sorry About Your Parents - Icon for Hire, Next Year - Two Door Cinema Club, Dangerous - Set It Off

Pile Three

Issue

Cards: Goddess, King of Pentacles, Ace of Swords, The Hanged Man, King of Wands Rx, The Sculpture, Twisted, The Elixir Rx

Okay, (I’m) being really wishy-washy and hinting at stuff because this feels pretty personal and also pretty mature. So.

You have a specific bond that you either rely on for comfort instead of facing your own emotions, or they know they have you wrapped around your finger (or vice-versa, this pile was very muddy the first time around). Here It Goes Again is kind of putting that in bold print. That or there’s a reliance on those types of relationships, since there’s signs of openness to them in some other cards. It reminds me of how people turn to different things for stress relief; this is your stress relief. However there’s usually a period where the person will review the issue or their emotions, and there aren’t any cups here. I remember that being the first thing I tried to figure out. There’s signs of being very smart about how they approach people or the situation, an ability to be in charge of themselves or the situation – having a grasp of everything, and like…a combustive charm? Once again this could be either you in charge or this situation is harming you instead. I want to learn towards the latter due to how all the piles turned out. Anyway, the energy of leading people on or being able to use them because someone understands the dynamics of the relationship. It’s a little difficult to figure out the main chess player when we have Goddess, Sculpture, and then two Kings. There’s a few other ways this can play out too. Like what, being on onlyfans, being a sex worker, hell just being a really good type of model? Those things could be beneficial in all areas except emotionally and spiritually in a sense that it’s draining you and breaking you down over the course of time. The themes of people not understanding boundaries or treating you as if there’s an established relationship when you’re working and that’s it. It could even be that these ‘Kings’ are people enacting their response to how naturally sensual you are, but that’s out of your control if you don’t realize it, but the songs aren’t necessarily pointing to these? If the previous messages don’t resonate but some other things do, I’d watch out for hidden admirers that try to be subtle about gaining your attention / pining. So with the pretty direct messages from some of these cards combined with others, and the songs, I’m more inclined to go with my initial message.

Advice

Cards: Slave, V of Swords Rx, Ace of Cups Rx, Knight of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, The Magician Rx, The Goat and Willow Rx, The Frog and Lotus, Blackthorn Rx

Yeah, I figured the previous pull was mighty specific. OH! Stronger Than You? A song about being balanced and you have? Messages about finding balance within your life again?? That’s actually so cute I love that. This is another pile that’s pretty cut and dry, and I think it just needs more encouragement than anything. So there’s an ending that needs to happen, somewhat. It’s kind of like when you’re playing tug of war and you decide the smartest move to win is to just let go of the rope and let the other team fall forward? That’s what it feels like a bit. Ah yeah lol I figured it wasn’t a complete ending. There’s going to be some indecision and a feeling of being uncomfortable about this entire thing because it’s something you’re both used to and it’s like, ‘well what now we’ve already done it’. For others, it’s a sense of not leaving your job or workplace (cause even on a lower field, waitresses get harassed), but trying to fight for more respect or better boundaries somehow. Overall, I have a feeling that there’s going to be a tower moment, or just in general this is dampening your spirit. For a small percentage of you, it might have not been as mature as the cards made it but those were just from one side or thoughts that weren’t acted upon, and they won’t be. You’re pretty sure of who you are and I think this situation has thrown that a bit out of whack, which isn’t bad, but it’s time to do some fine-tuning. The wolf on the Knight card looks a bit solemn but it’s resting in solitude, and eventually returns to the King card in a ‘pack’. As opposed to loudly fighting for yourself and what’s right, your version is letting things fall where they may and if it’s not for you, it’s not for you. I believe Just Be Friends sums up this entire ‘healing’ process, for the first group. A way to regain composure is to just float within the sea and let it bring you back to shore — the universe will make sure you’ll get there safely and things that are aligned with you will come with.

Songs: So Predictable - Set It Off, Lost In You - Three Days Grace, Here It Goes Again - OK Go, Not The Way That I Do - Fantasia, Beez In The Trap - Nicki Minaj, Just Be Friends - Dixie Flatline

Pile Four

Issue

Cards: Samaritan, Knight, VII of Cups, IX of Swords, VIII of Wands Rx, The Emperor Rx, The Viewing, The Disguise

You do too much to help others, it backs up, and then there’s an ugly emotional release of feelings you’ve been trying to put to the side and ignore but they’re authentic and it’s okay to not be selfless all the time. It reminds me of Pisces or Saturn in Pisces. Pluto in Sag is stretching it to be honest. The mindset behind your actions leans more toward feeling like there’s always a judgment day right around the corner, or karma is looming over you and you should be doing these things or you’re a terrible person. That ‘terrible person’ though is just maybe not being able to say yes all the time, or giving the clothes off your back for any and everyone — which is normal. The thing with people who are selfless or considered martyrs is that they go through a lot of tests and figure out how and when to give themselves the way that they do. They’re never a modern day savior and they do say no, pretty often actually lol. It’s the message that people get drawn to the energy of givers and they come to understand that with time. You on the other hand either got scared into this mindset in your early years or there’s a fear of peer review, kinda like cancellation but it feels more personal. I’m assuming family because my cat was drawn to The Viewing and didn’t like it too much. The thing here is that you feel compelled or pushed to put on the act of being okay with not being selfish, but there’s resistance, and eventually with it all bottled up it explodes and either during arguments or simple requests you might come off more cold than you mean to or bring up issues from the past because it’s been sitting in your chest for so long.

Advice

Cards: Detective, Trickster, V of Wands Rx, VI of Swords, The Emperor, X of Pentacles Rx, The Crow and Dogwood, The Skunk and Magnolia Rx, Rose

It was kinda stubborn to give cards for a moment, but it’s pretty repetitive and. Blunt lol. Carve your own path. Figure out your own Philosophy and Beliefs in life. You need to re-evaluate how you’ve been taught to look at things or walk through life and see what works for you and what doesn’t. What makes you happy and what brings you stress. You’ll find that you can view life through brighter windows after this process, but it’s going to be a heavy one. There’s ties to family or close friends, habits formed from these beliefs, possibly reinventing parts of your life — this isn’t something where you’ll just wake up tomorrow and your life is suddenly perfect, but it’s worth the struggle. You won’t have to feign confidence and when you go back to doing acts of kindness or maybe it’s things like going to church and stuff like that; it’ll be authentic. You won’t feel forced and you’ll be able to enjoy them whole-heartedly. Because it’s your choice, you’re in control this time. Now obviously this isn’t like ‘yeah let’s pick up ideals that are hateful’, that doesn’t fly here (remember, your reader belongs to a lot of minorities <3), but it’s just the idea that you were forced to abide by a lifestyle that doesn’t let you be ‘free’ in a sense, and it’s become suffocating after some time. I wouldn’t say there’s a lot of innerwork like another pile, but more so personal research. There’s a bit of resistance which can be attributed to the fear of relationships being destroyed which is completely understandable, and this might depend on the personal situation for the lot of you? If this is religious and the family/friend strongly believes in it, it might be a deal breaker. If not, there might be ways around it, there are certain beliefs or politics that are difficult to discuss lightly (a reason why they say you should always discuss it before long term commitment lol). Best of luck pile four, there is always a community for you.

Songs: Between Two Lungs - Florence + the Machine, Better Not (feat. Wafia) - Louis The Child, Red Wine - Follies & Vices, Chains - DBMK, American Idiot - Green Day, Riptide - Sick Puppies, Ashura-chan - Ado

Pile Five

Issues

Cards: God, The World, The Magician, X of Swords Rx, III of Cups, Revenge Rx, The Madwoman

This gives me the energy of the popular person within school or a community. Like a passive Regina George? It’s someone who has quiet control over the crowd, and they adore them for pretty valid reasons. There’s a charming energy, good with words, very funny and like a pretty contagious energy. It’s like a warm glow is drawing people in. However there’s not a lot of control over their power despite being somewhat aware of this control, and it sometimes gets to their head. Like if it’s a tradition to wear uniform except for on Tuesdays, but pile five didn’t want to do that, then the community would bend to their will and that would be the new norm. It’s that sort of energy (I’m using ‘they’ instead of you because that example seemed pretty tropey). The issue here is that the line is really blurred here. So either you’re being viewed as such by someone within your social circle, or this is legitimately an issue, because Gaston played while I was taking this in. So on one hand there’s a feeling of a stroked ego with nothing to balance it out. It’s different from confidence. Even though we have camaraderie and celebrations showing up, there’s a strong feeling of detachment. Like finishing up the chapter and moving onto the next thing, doesn’t necessarily have to be exciting. You feel like you have the world in the palm of your hand almost because the creature is seen quite literally engulfing the world, meanwhile The Magician is portrayed as a Scientist. On the other hand, it’s a sign of this chapter of your life ending. The people (or someone) you’re interacting with right now have a light insecurity regarding you? So it’ll come to a close but it won’t be that heartbreaking and you can bring in better or deeper bonds very easily if you try. So yes the characteristics are there, different forms for different people, but you have more surface level friendships than deep bonds. The mingling can be legitimately fun but with this sort of ‘kid on top’ energy that can change the playing field at the drop of a hat, if you’re unhappy with something or someone, then this affects everything or everyone else even if you don’t realize it. However with Revenge being reversed, I think there’s…so it could be either there’s the potential to do so and if you get really riled up you choose to do so with the wrong people or at the wrong time (like those who are harmless get trampled by those who don’t question you) or it’s the surrounding energy that’s reminiscent of the seven of swords. Those who might lurk in the background and while they admire you, they can’t help but be jealous even though they don’t act on it. It could be the result of how you move and act around others that inspire this.

Advice

Cards: Addict Rx, Queen, IV of Swords, Temperance, The Elk and Ash, Cornflower, Clover Rx, Wisteria

It’s interesting because Friends by Flight of the Conchords came up earlier and I didn’t want to put it down but I put a pin in it and I couldn’t understand until now. Especially with the combination of cards that you have. As I said earlier, there’s a difference between confidence and arrogance, and clearly either these are qualities you hold or you’re being viewed as such. Something is going to happen soon in your life that’s going to change the playing field for you. I’m not quite sure what it’ll be in particular, but I’d have to imagine it’s either a crumbling of the relationships you have around you or the people that engage with you suddenly flock somewhere else or they turn against you — if you’ve seen any sort of 90s movie or TV show with this trope, you know what I’m talking about lol. When this happens, you’re going to take notice of the people still left around you. That or you’re going to accidentally hurt someone close to you, like an actual friend, and you’re going to have to go through a period of mending that relationship as well as going within and balancing out yourself. I don’t see this relationship being destroyed? I mean I’ve had quite direct songs come through and all cards point to reliance, so there’s a chance to make sure no major harm is done. You need to figure out where the line is between being confident or proud of yourself for some, and for others it’s just…listen if someone’s insecurities get projected onto you the most you can do is review your actions and if there’s no legitimate harm done, there’s not much you can do but treasure the ones who stay with you, because they’re meant for you, at least right now. I feel like I’m coming off a bit harsh so it’s not that I think you’re doing this on purpose in a sense that you’re grown and you know better, I think this is more like…naivety to be honest? Young folk shit. Which, you do a lot of embarrassing and regretful shit when you’re young, as long as you learn then it’s just how life goes. The main message for you is to find that balance and retain it. Don’t feel like you have to go into hiding to make up for any of the bad things that you’ve done (there’s a difference between being a little shit online and doxxing someone, you know?). Running off and living in remorse doesn’t exactly fix the problem lol. It sucks for a little while, but with time it gets better and less painful. Communication is fun, self-review is tough but it’s good for being a better person in the future and they’ll thank you for it, also probably clown you a bit.

Songs: Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic! at the Disco, Gaston - Beauty and the Beast, Don’t Dance - Simon Curtis, Someone To Save You - OneRepublic, Anything 4 U - BANKS

[ravenbloodshot]

Someone who gives me the same asshole vibe as Cha Eun Woo and Song Kang is Eunwoo's friend Kim Young Kwang (the actor) I really liked his drama and he is quite handsome but he looks like a sadist and super manipulative to me I'm not gonna lie? No matter how much I try I can't seem to get into him? He was also caught before whilst he was a model (when he was much much younger) talking about what he finds distasteful in women and he said really weird/sexist shit but it was childish af too, like he really didn't think before speaking but I like to give benefit of the doubt to the "youth" LMFAO (not really) but you know he's also Korean so I wasn't shocked, I said oh another one bites the dust 👏🏾☺️😋 Anyway there's something sweet about him (I'm probably reaching and trying to give him a compliment) but he really totally makes the hairs on back stand idk he gives me torturous type vibes? Maybe it's past life between me and him vibes LMFAO but I see evil, I know I'm not tripping, like the dark triad evil? Am I wrong? What energy do you feel from him, please let me know!! Like he looks like if he wasn't told right he'd hold people captivate or be that weird kid that's cruel to bugs? I wouldn't be surprised if he was a bully or humiliated people, especially women. Like you know the energy of a closeted man that hates on women? He looks like the type to say mean things in a joking manner and not even consider people "beneath" him? I feel he can be sweet but it is selective, like he may want something? Idk he feels fucking cold, like his eyes and his smile, no emotion etc I wouldn't be surprised if he has a disorder or something that makes him unemotional etc He's a major homebody too and he always acts uncomfortable in social situations etc, he probably is but maybe he really does has some disorder or something because he expresses that he wants to go home etc. Like I could see him being condescending like Song Kang and Cha Eun Woo too?

CEW always gives me the energy of misguided energy? Like if he were to be surrounded by good people who humbled him he could be okay? I always see some sentiment in him? He looks like people don't check him and out of all 3 he looks to me the most reflective, like if something happened it could give him a spiritual awakening etc and change his life. Like the type of guy that heals if he was loved right. CEW gives me I am a "twin" vibes, like he has a counterpart in this lifetime who's gonna have a profound effect on his life? He always looked like a redeemable soul to me? I don't know but the more he gets deeper into the industry and this cold, cruel, money driven environment he just gonna end up being unredeemable as well, in the deep end? Like he'll end up the worst out of the bunch? I hope he don't start doing drugs but he looks smart to me lol, I'll give him that much. The more I see actors/celebs the more coldness I see lol, some of them have really scary eyes.

It's hilarious to me that people found Song Kang cute, the mf gave me I'm bland and incompetent but have the audacity to be disgusted by you vibes. He generally looks like the type to sanitise his hands if he accidentally brushed past somebody he don't respect, he looks hella coddled too and a mamas boy. He literally admitted himself that he wore the same socks for months straight. He's probably the type that doesn't do the dishes or wash his clothes etc, like he young forever? I was shocked he was feeling Han So Hee LOL but she grown woman vibes and I think it's opposites attract. Her rough girl image, idgaf demeanour probably intrigued him. A part of him also looked like he was pretending, so people could talk about them, like he used her for a come up? He shot a show with that young pretty actress and the interviews (my demon) were a pain to watch. I could tell he found her stupid and you were RIGHT, he cannot hide his dissatisfaction well!! Like it was second hand embarrassment. He was also on another show with BP Jennie and he literally iced her lmfao, he didn't even look at her, he also pushed past another woman and was heavily disgusted by another older woman complimenting him, like how dare you compliment me when you not on my level? Like the type that wants people to ask for permission before they greet him? He called another woman by another name and said "that woman" and she was like "I am that woman, it's my name", as in he didn't even bother learning their names and she said to him don't you think it's too soon to speak casually (banmal/drop honorifics) and refer to me as "that" and that you should learn people's names etc. It baffles me how people give a pass to "handsome/pretty" people in the world and especially Korea? But more so handsome men because of sexism right? Like he was not careful of his behaviour at all but people thought he was "clueless" and cute. It's obvious when he thinks people aren't on his level etc and I think he's at a point where he generally believes he's made it, so he dgaf like yasss I don't need to kiss ass anymore, when he was simply just expected to be polite LOL 😂 I think it's a chore for him to treat people well, like he might think about the beneficial reason why he should give charity and help people? Like they broke, they can get up, I'm not, I work hard. Like simple minded? He's cut the nice act now and he said so himself, that he hates being perceived as cute and a little adorable boy but he masked himself as such and then complains? Probably because he finds his fans disgusting. I'm ngl he feels like that. I don't know lol! Don't mind me, I be popping out here and there and giving the lip and the tea LMFAO 🤣 I'll stop here! 💀

— Lip Service Girl 💄

Me and you must just be on the same wavelength. I think it's too much to say Kim Young Kwang has a disorder, but everything else, I agree.

Cha Eunwoo has the best energy out of the three. But he has his own bs that comes with him. He's not a bad guy, though, the other two .....🤷‍♀️

What sticks in my mind the most is Kim Young Kwangs' weird comments about women as well. Like it's okay to have preferences, but like damn....

[tanoraqui]

I absolutely love your AUs! Your world building is terrific

-@outofangband

I love and appreciate that this message is, I can only assume, prompted by my most recent post about the Silmarillion Superhero AU, which is objectively crack in general and that particular post was especially so, what with declaring Maglor to be basically the Music Meister (B:TBatB).

HERE'S MORE FREE WORLDBUILDING FOR THAT WORLD:

(kinda retcon to previous statements) the Great Music and Songs of Power work the same way they do in Arda proper, or maybe a little more practically than that (though I suspect First Age Elves regularly got up to much more overt acts of power than we see in LotR). This occupies the same...worldbuilding environmental niche? as "magic" in a Marvel/DC superhero world. Like, "Song" and "spell" are used synonymously.

Correspondingly, like Scarlet Witch is technically a mutant with the mutation "is really good at magic", Maglor and Finrod both got the Light-empowered ability to be really good at Music

They don't have the exact same power. Though the most notable distinction might be more a matter of personality: Finrod is more innately talented at manipulating minds and emotions, and Maglor is more innately talented at manipulating the physical environment. However, when the House of Fëanor officially turned to Villainy, Maglor started leaning more into the manipulating hearts and minds, because that's more sinister, and Finrod was like, "cool, I see what you're doing there" and started practicing more with the sort of Songs that produce effects similar to telekinesis (or healing! Finrod's a good healer)

So, you know shit is getting Really Real if they switch back

They also both have the potential to affect the course Great Music on a level localized to currently-happening or about-to-happen events, because that's my favorite theory as to what was really going on in the Battle of Finrod and Sauron – fighting over not the minds or actions of individuals but how this story was going to go, loyalty, strength and joy or betrayal and tragedy! But that's, well, battling-a-Maiar-for-your-life-and-your-team's level of effort. Fall-unconscious-for-at-least-a-day-afterward effort.

In another recent train of thought:

People with elaborate spreadsheets on “how to kill and/or disable all my family members if necessary”: Maedhros, Fingolfin, Curufin, Finarfin (less elaborate, but he does have a spreadsheet, because he loves them but doesn't trust most of them anymore)

Has thought about it systematically but not written anything down, and the thoughts were more “how could I personally take each person down, dead or alive”: Celegorm

Has thought about it systematically but not written anything down, and the thoughts were exclusively non-lethal, “what could I Sing to quickly pacify (calm, knock out, and/or otherwise harmlessly disable) each person”: Finrod

In charge of the UN office that keeps an entire database of this sort of information for every known superhuman on the planet, but doesn't personally track it: Círdan

Maedhros is basically personally engaged in an escalating quiet war with...the US government, basically. Wherein sometimes they reasonably need to summon him to testify before Congress about his many legally dubious business and other practices, or more often he comes personally to schmooze, lobby, and offer campaign contributions...all of which he's very good at, what with the superhuman charisma. And they're perfectly aware of that danger!

So there's an entire R&D lab in the Department of Defense dedicated to trying to create security measures to counter the powers of...well, superpowered people overall, of course, very much including the House of Finwë. But also: Maedhros specifically.

Maedhros would take this as a personal challenge anyway, not to mention a thing to be evaded for entirely practical reasons. But it's emotionally heavier than that because the entire House of Finwë has trauma about being powerless, because when Ungoliant came in her cloud of Darkness, they were all utterly, painfully powerless. Like all the energy had been stolen from their limbs and all the breath from their lungs, along with (temporarily) the Light. And we all know how that went.

So Maedhros is like, "we are playing a fun little one-upmanship game :)" and then every time they spring something new on him, he does his best to steal it immediately and send it to Curufin or whoever else is necessary to reverse engineer it and devise a countermeasure

One time the DoD got their hands on a live Void Spider, a true Ungoliant spawn, and somehow caged it and started getting usable Darkness from it. Some general, and the scientists working for him, was very please when Maedhros condescendingly tried on the new required-security power-blocking cuff and visibly paled, and made a quick excuse for backing out of the White House meeting he was about to attend. They would've been less please if they'd known that the instant he was back in his car and driving away, he called Fingolfin - directly to his cell phone, not even pussyfooting around by calling Fingon instead - and said, "We have a problem."

They were even less pleased when (predictably tbh) the Spider broke out of containment and a mixed band of heroes and villains had to save Washington DC from being consumed by nothingness, but obviously the US government brought that on themselves.

[hellonerf]

5 + 22 for ame!!!! :3

5 : first song in mind : depending on my mood really and how honed in i am the general themes i associate him with (how personal/human focused im imagining his issues to be in that moment) 🤤 but im gna be cringe and free rn and just say kirai kirai jiga hidai by kuragep is like easily fitting to me most of the time

22 : thing i like in fics with him vs thing i dont like : for something i like, i like when its an outside pov to him and hes like fucking weird in that specific way that really hits my marks 🤤🤤🤤 honestly its hard to explain for me... im pretty open to how his personality can be but 🤤 i like when he's not well adjusted but kind of persistently indestructible in how he behaves? like immovable object/unstoppable force lol...

as for something i don't like, thinking hard on this 🤔 i think. (trying not to come off as annoyingly prissy about his characterization...) ok putting it under in case i do just start to ramble

i don't like when people play into his hero thing with it being seen as a sincerely good honest untroubled thing like i read fics of other characters doing shit and hes something of a cop there and i start passing out really hard. i don't know i think he's generally disinterested in other people most of the time it's hard to put that with a Sincere hero talk without him just seeming like a hypocrite. obviously you could just make him not disinterested in people in ur fic for that but in my preference i'd just sacrifice his sincerity 🤤 also u make him a "cop hero" and i really just pass out so hard. getting up and leaving. sorry i can't do this shit...

well, i obviously like an ame thats ill in some ways, but i don't like when he feels too fragile personally(emphasis on personally)... this feels obvious with what i put for something i like lol. but i mean i like when something does totally destroy him but i need it to make sense in my head 🤤 though i don't mind it too hard since people do whatever mental stuff in their fics it just doesn't do it for me Personally...

this is just a lame and gay one but when he is too smooth suave whatever flirt 🙁 just total personal thing because i hate male characters who are not only handsome but like smooth and loveinterest-like and AME is my FAVORITE so he CAN'T be a CHARACTER TYPE i HATE!!!! (loud banging head on wall)

now i might make it seem like i would dislike a puppylike good honest ame. thats not true i like him like that too sometimes (when i wanna go aw... aw... aw.....)(then i start wanting to trap him in a cage) but i also want his flaws to be pulled to the front sometimes and maybe he can be forced to confront with his honest to god insufferableness or maybe other people have to. it relly depends 🤤 i like all kinds of ame it rly matters on execution i spose...

oh also i don't like when they overdo the deception thing i definitely talked about this before lol but when its master manipulator shit like 😕(BORED AS FUCK) idk. i just don't believe it. other people aren't that dumb. everypony knows you bucking lied. and if he's lying about something i'd like it if it's copium to himself too like im not a bad guy its just like this..!!! this is how it is!!! if ur gonna make him fucked up i'd like it if it's in a miserable world and no human has been or is sane bcz its miserable out here and everyone knows he lies nobody does anything about it cz argh whaetver... people have their own business all the time... i like lived in worlds and whenever everyone is caricatures while one guy is ReallySmart and pulling the strings it just doesn't feel grounded and i fall asleep

[spaceofentropy]

tag game - stranger things edition

The lovely @dragonflylady77 and @harringrovest tagged me so here I am!

ride or die ship (your otp): Harringrove

most annoying ship: it's a tie between Steve/Nancy (those two don't work together in canon, they are like soap and grease, why even try to put them together AGAIN?!) and Byler (because Will deserves way better than Mike Wheeler, and he should realize it soon for his own good! T^T)

second favourite ship: Metalsandwich. There's something so fun in the ways those three interact and interconnect...

favourite platonic relationship: Stobin all the way!

underrated ship: Mungrove

overrated ship: Byler (again, free Will Byers 2023!)

one thing i would change in canon: ONE?! I get only ONE and I even have to choose which one?! How can I decide?! [Sadie Doyle voice] The utter inconsistency in how the UD works! No, Troy the little bully almost killing a kid and getting away scot free! No! El needing to be re-traumatized to get her powers back! No! Karen Wheeler noncing around unpunished! No! Eddie's stupid death! No! The rest of the party being shitty friends to Lucas again and again and him just going along with it in the end like it's no big deal! No! Nobody actually trying to pull the mindflayer out of Billy! No, just Billy's death in general!

something canon did right: quoting @harringrovest's answer, lifeguard!Billy. And Steve in that silly silly sailor outfit. Season 3 was a weird beast, but at least it gave us those two things!

a thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: my metalsandwich long fic Of soulmates and colors and also my oneshots Come close and Amok which were banged out in a couple of hours each but I love a lot. And also What doesn't kill you makes you a monster, because writing demobat!Steve Harrington was fun as fuck! Yeah, basically I'm proud of each fic I published, thank you. And I'm also very proud of the shark glasses that led to THIS! beautiful, perfect edit by @imsodishy 🥲❤️

a character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): Billy Hargrove

the character i relate to the most and why: Billy Hargrove, because... well, personal reasons.

character i hate the most and why: Dr. Martin fucking Brenner, because he kidnapped kids, manipulated and tortured them, tortured El's mom until her mind broke, and the narrative wants us to... not hate him, not really, because after all he was right? He re-tortures and re-traumatizes El but it's for the greater good? Well, fuck that shit, fuck the Duffers and their whole writers' room, and fuck Brenner with a rusty pipe!

something i've learned from the fandom: as with anywhere else, there are lovely talented people in fandom that make great stuff, and there are also not great people (looking at you, assholes who wish harm on others because they like one character you dislike!), so the block button is your best friend. Also, squeeing in happiness at good art and fics is even sweeter when done in group! ❤️

three tags i seek out on ao3: I don't really have an answer, since I don't usually look for specific stuff; I more go with the flow or jump on fics that someone recommended/mentioned that sound interesting.

song i strongly associate with my otp/favourite character: Desire by Meg Myers is so Harringrove it hurts; and while Wolf by Yeah Yeah Yeahs is pure "Billy Hargrove after basking in Steve's love a little too long", Like You Better Dead is my favourite Billy-coded song, because, yeah, he can be as angry as he wants to be, just watch him burn!

I should tag someone, so... uh... argh! Hoping you've not been tagged, and begging preemptively pardon just in case... @salthat @destroya2005 @ariesbilly @suometar and anyone who sees this and wants to do it! :P

[vigilskeep]

imo Leliana’s character becomes infinitely more interesting with her inquisition appearance! i know i originally had a hard time connecting to her character despite her being my first romance, and got really put off by her banters with Morrigan, because that’s almost word-for-word shit i hear irl sometimes, but i think inquisition actually does a good job with her for the most part! i think it focused on things that should have had more focus in origins! her character arc plays with themes of devotion and how betraying yourself and morals for someone else is bad for you, and not just on her softened/inspired routes either! Leliana is a character who, imo, spends a lot of her out of game appearance being manipulated and used by other people (or, hell, depending on how you play it, that can be her origins appearance too), and i like that she can eventually break out of that!

i have played the first like 15 hours of inquisition and i did love her in that!

i just find her writing in dao... confusing? i don’t get what they’re going for. it’s contradictory but not imo in the way that makes her writing feel complex, just jarring. she’s a fighter in leather armour and accused by more than one character of having ragged boyish hair, but one of the very same characters who says that then calls her “powdered, perfumed, you ooze elegance” and literally afraid to ruin her hair (what happened to it being ragged and boyish???), and she’s also the “girly” one who picks fun at morrigan’s clothes and lack of “civilisation”. she takes the role of the innocent prudish judgemental girl in banters, easily offended and easy to tease, as if she’s never both been a killer and idolised one, as if she’s never been a seductress and spy who should be able to control conversation! she’s supposed to be a bard but she’s awkward in flirting, a bad liar and shocked at the idea of writing a song about a tragedy (???). i feel like i’m constantly told she’s a bard but never shown

i also find a lot of her writing underwhelming on a technical level—her remarks during npc dialogue are often very generic and sympathetic in a way that barely even convinces me she cares, which falls so flat compared to the more entertaining characters. and i’ve said this before but i think marjolaine’s writing is incredibly bad as well. there’s such a lack of subtlety that i would dislike for any character but especially for two supposed bards and manipulators. no leliana i do not believe you have been fundamentally influenced by the subtle serpent’s whispers of a woman who cackles and says “oh but leliana you are me” in one of the worst french accents i’ve ever heard. seriously was it so hard to find french people for this game

i don’t know, that reads like a solid block of criticism, it’s not that bad and i do like leliana i just don’t get it. it feels to me like they came up with two separate character concepts and they already had morrigan to be the bad girl love interest so they needed someone to be the contrasting nice girl and they just shoved whatever they had into that role. and i also think her story feels a bit disconnected from the main plot, which is such a waste to me because one of dao’s few big storytelling flaws to me is that it doesn’t explore the past between orlais and ferelden enough for you to understand why loghain and many others feel the way they do. you know, the driving force of half the plot. and they have a culturally orlesian companion! right there! why doesn’t she talk about this more! why isn’t this central to how people react to her! sorry that’s kind of a separate issue but it’s such strong missed potential to me

[eradicatetehnormal]

It's Over For Now

The questions! Lilith made a deal to stay in heaven? BITCH. What do you want Alastor? To be free, I guess. They formed parts of the hotel around angelic metal and that's how the building falling hurt that angel. Sir Pentious went to heaven? So is hell essentially more like a purgatory as opposed to a final destination? You would think that human souls would have more incentive to fight off the angels than the citizens of cannibal town. Aren't they natives of hell?

That's the main issue with the show. Partially because they didn't have the time, and partially because they were moving too fast, there's not a lot of good world-building or lore. The lore that does exist is in the comics or the live streams and it's like, I shouldn't have to do homework to watch something that isn't a sequel. (Though, I'm hypocritical as a KH and Descendants fan. Maybe I should just watch and play better shit, idk).

I generally liked the series though. I just wished it had more time. Like everyone else has already said, the standout is the songs. Man, these songs slapp. I even like the ones hated by song writers like the songs in episode 2 and 6. Although the one in episode 7 where she goes to Cannibal Town? I didn't like that one at all. It was not a vibe.

Even with its lack of world and character building, there are still characters that manage to stand out. Namely, Angel, Alastor, and Lucifer, though Charlie is also great.

I remember Korey Coleman from Double Toasted saying that this Lucifer was his favorite iteration of the character. I see why. A lot of iterations portray him as pure evil and if they go for good, he's straight up a good guy. I guess Persona 5 is the best example of what I can come up with right now. Here, he's still a good guy, but he's torn down by his loneliness and feels like a failure. A decent reimagining of the cocky, manipulative, self-righteous, biblical character.

The reason Angel is so good is pretty simple. The show actually took the time to humanize him and get us to understand him. When you think back to episode 4, it's almost disappointing that Sir Pentious got to heaven before he did. That's all I'll say about episode 4. I feel like if you're anywhere that isn't Twitter, you've seen more people, survivors and others alike, defend the episode as opposed to despise it.

Alastor is by far my favorite character even if he didn't do much. Most people agree that they're happy that he's the one thing the show has managed to shroud in mystery. Who's leash is he on? How is Charlie going to help him? What favor did he ask of Charlie? Why was he so into the idea of rebelling against heaven? What made him think he could take on Adam? Was the whole Charlie's Dad thing a jist? If so, why was he irritated at Lucifer showing he was close with his daughter? Why was there an emphasis on Charlie being under his guidance in the episode 7 song? IT'S GOTTA BE LILITH'S LEASH HE'S ON.

Technically, this show isn't more than a 6 out of 10 and that might be generous, but, so much has changed for me and everyone, really since the pilot last dropped 4 years ago. Combined with the years of fan songs, animatics, VA Q&As (Man, rip the old vas dude, that's some bullshit), fan art, HELLUVA BOSS (HOW IS THE ENDING GOING TO EFFECT HELLUVA BOSS?), the property is almost nostalgic for me. I was going to see this thing through to the end no matter what. It could've been a lot worse, and I'm fairly satisfied with what I have.

[panzershrike-pretz]

RODION

Source: x x x | x x x | x x x -> song: Something Wild

You had your maps drawn You had other plans To hang your hopes on Every road they let you down felt so wrong So you found another way You've got a big heart The way you see the world It got you this far You might have some bruises And a few of scars But you know you're gonna be okay And even though you're scared You're stronger than you know If you're lost out where the lights are blinding Caught in all, the stars are hiding That's when something wild calls you home, home If you face the fear that keeps you frozen Chase the sky into the ocean That's when something wild calls you home, home

- About;

- Rodion Mahari - he/him

Rodion's name came from the book Crime and Punishment, one of my favorites of all time (and I absolutely recommend!! Read it!!). In the book, Rodion Raskólnikov is the main character and I knew I LOVED the name (I keep saying it aloud as a vocal stim even years after I read the book xD).

Mahari is his partner's surname, my best friend's @isazmoon former oc.

- Carpenter

His work aboard Blithe consist of maintenance and woodwork along the vessel; given that it was Rodion's former job before piracy, he spends most of his time taking care of Blithe. A skilled carpenter can keep the ship afloat even with major damage, just enough for it to reach a safe place to be restored - and that Rodion knows how to do really well.

Other than that, Rodion is also a really skilled fighter as gunner, that being his secondary role.

- God of Gold, of Lighting and of Woodwork

As many of the other members of the crew, Rodion is no more than a minor God - and the last one of the Gods to be presented. He's not powerful, but can still manage with what he has.

Rodion is capable of manipulating gold and turning things in it by touch, although generally speaking he tries not to use it. It's a temporary thing and normally whatever he turns into gold will turn back to normal in a while - unless it's a curse (for example, turning people in gold as punishment for a wrongdoing).

Lightning manipulation is another of his abilities; Rodion is able to store electricity in his body and project it out in bursts, although it can be dangerous to him and people around. It is strictly used during battles and can't be used out of it, given the risk.

Rodion is a really strong and tough guy, given his boar-like phisique. He can endure a good amount of strikes and punches - it does get to him eventually, tho. Boy's always complaining because he does shit, gets hurt and only feels it a good time later.

Finally, turning into a boar. He uses it to scare people and pull pranks. He's a menace. His children love it tho-

- Personality

Rodion may be big and tough but he's a gentle soul, with a big heart full of love to give. He's a cuddle bug, extremely caring and thoughtful of people. Rodia is the type of guy who'll not hesitate in potting his own life on the line for the sake of others (as many of his friends will attest, including his children).

Most of the time, Rodion is a confident jokester (seriously, him and Sirius should be kept very much apart or they'll wreck the whole ship). He does like to seem scary and intimidating at first, but really he's just a sweetheart.

Rodion is illiterate and dyslexic, almost completely unable to read or write, that being his biggest insecurity about himself. He tries to read simple books, mainly children's ones and comics, since he finds the images helpful. He's still a romantic soul and tries to write letters and poems to his wife, even though they are hard to comprehend and he can only string together simple words; she still saves every single one of them with a lot of love.

Most of the time, he makes carvings on wood to gift his loved ones; gift giving is his main love language.

He's a magnet of people, almost everyone is immediately drawn to him - maybe that's how he ended up with three adoptive children (Enoch, Olive and Kanna).

Funfact: Rodion met his wife after a street fight against her brother. It was truly something. I may or may not need to write it eventually-

Relationship: Hanabi

HERE IS THE BOY. THE BABY. I LOVE HIM. He's @isazmoon favorite (same tbh he's perfect)

He has tusks. He can do a lot of damage with them-

[bimboviolence]

questions 1 through 5 for any self insert you feel like talking about! :]

Oh ur a legend thank u for indulging me, l'm of course doin my self insert into the dr*amworks fantasy magic world who's with Jack

1. what are the basics of your self insert? name, date of birth, height, etc.?

NAME: Devin Of Hell

GENDER: non-binary, They/Them (also accepts She/Her)

SEXUALITY: very bisexual

DATE OF BIRTH: June 15

HEIGHT: 5’7

My character is a magic user who bound their heart and mind to a demon (we r girly bffs and talk mentally almost all the time) and together they conjure nightmares in peoples heads for cash, it's like a hitman type thing but the target doesn't die they just can have their mind warped to believe things or be made afraid of things. We could do some really extreme shit with Bills mind hopping and altering abilities, but he's at a point in his existence where he does not wanna fuck with large scale shit. (he hath experienced death and does not wanna do THAT whole ordeal over again) and I simply have no interest in anything that could force me out of the shadows. I love being mysterious.

There's wanted posters for my character but they don't have pictures, just info that there's an evil wizard woman and a magic triangle poisoning dreams and warping minds, and to contact with any info (it's a really long shot for a wanted poster, most ppl who actually read it think it's a joke)

2. when in canon does your self insert come in? do you have a scene in mind for your entrance?

I do not view myself as a part of an actual movie plotline in any way, I just wanna insert myself into the world itself so not REALLY ever, I guess in terms of the movie years prior (cause then jacks alive LOL)

3. how do the other characters generally feel about your self insert?

I think I would be generally liked by people who don't know my evil deeds, I have a sadistic side but l'm polite and charismatic, so l'm truly one of those villains who'd be so nice the hero might go 'oh god I forgot this person manipulates minds and has no issue with murder.’ Which I WILL say this fictional version of me in this villainy narrative would be a lot more nasty than I am in real life, this character doesn't blink at violence and crime and finds specifically evil power extremely enticing.

So I genuinely think it'd be a 50/50 if a character would like nice Dev or hate evil Dev. Cant help being a Gemini!!

4. would you be considered a main character, side character, villain, or something else?

I am absolutely not a main character, l'm like side villain who shows up sometimes to assist if I’m asked, but usually fucks off cause I have my own thing going on, and I'm really not interested in stopping the heroes of a story or anything like that. I'm not interested in no large scale schemes, just having a good time.

5. does your self insert have any special powers or abilities?

I do not I am a standard human being with a highschool diploma and a song in my heart but because I am psychic linked to a chaos demon I can benefit from what he's able to do. I can Do magic spells and I have a small bank of knowledge on how to make a handful of potions without a recipe (or they're scribbled on stained post it notes that I keep in my wallet). My character also dabbles in Creating spells but they don't go super well often because that takes a lot of work and I give up easily LOL

[dark-side-blog3]

Sorry for not being specific, I was talking about those fucked up fanfiction, that simply made you feel very bad (to the point that it was physically unwell to even finish or stay calm after all of that). Or at least your mood was ruined. It can include anything that you find fucked up to yourself. You don’t have to share any links, just please briefly retell, it would be enough. I’m just very curious about your opinions and tastes, that’s why I’m asking this. If you don’t want to answer, freely ignore me.

Ah! Well in that case, there have been quite a few fics I had to stop reading because the writer began including physical descriptions of the character who was supposed to be reader insert; And whats worse, there have been a few times while reading Kuroshitsuji fics where the writer threw a bitchfit about black readers commenting on their reader insert that the insert character is clearly supposed to be white and ruins the immersion, and the writer reacts in a crazy rant about how its not meant for black readers anyways.

I fucking hate that. Like, firstly, don't be a dick? I feel that that isn't a hard rule.

And second, I can't stand when the reader-insert is just some OC but it's written in second person. "You have large blue sapphire eyes and silver hair that goes down to your waist"-- No the fuck I DO NOT! Oh or when this fic (it was one of my first-ever-read yandere fics) slowly retconned the reader into the writer down to making the readers Christian and read MORNING PRAYERS AT THE START OF EACH CHAPTER. For a yandere 2p england fic???? Ma'am? This might be an exaggeration I stopped reading it when the prayers happened

This doesn't make me stop reading permanently, but just last night I did have to stop reading so I could rant to myself like a crazy person that no one fucking wears a burgundy cocktail dress with a sweetheart neckline black mesh sleeve and above-knee to a black tie event! So I guess another pet peeve of mine is when someone describes an outfit for the reader to wear. 9/10 times the outfit they choose isn't something a real person would wear to the event they describe, it's just something they thought was fashionable.

Oh! When someone says a fic has a gender-neutral reader but then they have other characters use "She/her" and the character wears exclusively feminine things.

I also had to stop reading a fic when I learned the yandere character with a weird name was actually a youtube that people were, inexplicably, referring to by his online name? While trapped in his apartment? I don't vibe with real-person fanfics.

Exiting the meta in terms of what I don't like... Well, the basics like incest, pedophilia, and animal fucking are hard nope for me. But deeper than that... It's hard to think of a fic where fucked up shit happens that I didn't enjoy.

I mean... I like gore. I like emotional manipulation. I like when a fictional character's life is ruined. I really like the horror aspect of yanderes. And I'm asexual, so every kink seems just about as weird as vanilla sex to me.

I sat with this thought all night, and I don't know if there is a fic that was so intense I had to stop permanently.

I might take a break to ramble about character choices and what I would have done, or the outfits, or the graphic beatdown with perfectly described wounds and splatter horror. Various tubes being fed through characters orifices. Of chemicals being slowly dripped into sensitive eyes and ears, blinding and deafening the victim, no matter how hard they struggle against the torture. I've had fun reading a writer include their niche kink for something I didn't know could be a kink! I've had fun reading writers who have what's considered a standard kink in yandere.

I honestly end up having fun with almost any yandere fic-- and the fun gets amplified when the writer has good grammar and takes care in the way they describe the reader so it doesn't give anything away but also doesn't give off generic pop-song-pandering vibes.

In conclusion: I am just here to vibe. All yandere fics that have a writer above 18, and don't have real people, animal sex, incest, or pedophilia, are good fics.

[bladedwoe]

SONGS TO WRITE MY MUSE !!    

WHETHER   IT   BE   MELODIES   THAT   GIVE   YOU   INSPIRATION   FOR  YOUR   MUSE   OR   SONGS   THAT   GET   YOU   INTO   THE   WRITING MOOD   —   PICK   10   SONGS   YOU   FIND   TO   GIVE   YOU   THE URGE ,   THE   DRIVE ,   OR   THE   CREATIVITY   TO   WRITE   FOR YOUR   MUSE   !!

001 :   CULT LEADER   ——— KiNG MALA

This whole album is so Astridcore, but this song especially suits Astrid's general vibe. She's a leader, charms people (especially men), and she has a major ego. What more could you want? The whole end part of "You ain't ever seen her do it quite like me" really encapsulates Astrid's whole mindset around her leadership. This song has such a confident, ego-trip vibe that captures Astrid's mindset perfectly.

002 :   TEAR YOU APART   ——— SHE WANTS REVENGE

Just a vibe song for her.

003 :   CRAZY GIRL   ——— TOOPOOR

For Astrid, I lean more towards trendy songs just because Astrid's vibe is really popular with songs trending on t.ikt.ok. This song basically captures her mindset, I guess, but I go more off vibe with this. She can also be a bit... out there with relationships, too, I suppose.

004 :   OFF TO THE RACES   ——— LANA DEL REY

This is more for Astrid/Arnbjorn, but its me, we should be expecting Lana Del Rey somewhere in my ships and muses. This might really capture Arnbjorn and Astrid's more passionate moments, like in their earlier years, but I think this also fits Asrtid's whole type anyway. She likes d.ilfs, especially d.ilfs that are bad actors.

005 :   WHO IS SHE   ——— I MONSTER

Another trendy t.ikt.ok song, but I think this kind of captures Astrid's vibe as well. Especially the mysterious vibe she has.

006 :  FEMME FATALE   ——— SIR CHLOE

Another vibe song, basically.

007 :  FEMME FATALE   ——— COYOTE KID

A vibe song like the last one, but more of Astrid's complicated dynamics outside of the Dark Brotherhood with the later half of the song.

008 :   I COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE   ——— KiNG MALA

It was either this or vigilate shit by Taylor Swift and this song as a whole captures more of Astrid's vibe. Usually Astrid deals with her issues by murder, same with situations like this, but I think this captures some of Astrid's mindsets. Especially if she lets something slide.

009 :   DOIN' TIME   ——— LANA DEL REY

Another vibe song. Astrid isn't as much of a cheater as this song might make it seem like she is, but I think someone who's in a complicated FWB relationship with her might feel a bit like this song since it might seem really inconsistent with how much she doesn't open up. The lies, "We've come to tell you that she's evil / Most defiiently / Evil, ornery, scandalous and evil" is definitely her.

010 :   METAPHOR   ——— THE CRANE WIVES

The vibe of this song is more laidback compared to the others, but I think this perfectly demonstrates Astrid's whole manipulative nature, but also her tendency to bury a lot of her secrets. There's a smidge of her childhood in this song with the lines "I've gotten good at living on someone else's page... Don't look too hard, 'cause you won't like the stars he left in me." This would be about her mother and how she lived by her demands, but I think, too, this could be about all the masks she wears. Since she already was playing pretend as a youth, she's good at acting as someone else. She likely had to act all confident and secure in herself (and to some extent that remains today, but more set in stone to how she really is) to survive to rise in the ranks. Once she achieved her leadership position, she had the confidence and respect she deserved. So a lot of her self esteem came from that, she felt like she was in control of her destiny and she had all the admiration she sought for. In a way, she achieved her mother's goal of being liked and influential, but this was all on her terms. She became influential in her own circle, so I think she just really leaned into that confident persona until it really stuck around. I think while Astrid wanted to break away from her mother's demands, she still internalized that it was important to be influential and be at a top position. So, when her leadership becomes questioned by the Night Mother and the Listener situation, she tries her damnedest to keep her level of control because that's what she worked so hard for and what she based a lot of her identity around. It's all she really knows and heavily dedicated herself to. Not being a leader would be like losing her motivation in life and her very being. (A lot of this is still being worked through since I'm learning things little by little as I write her).

TAGGED: stole it

TAGGING: steal it from me and tag me! 

[shipscoundrel]

assumptions about you based on your favorite cupid parasite love interest

mwahahaha. I've emerged from hiatus to do another one of these. To be honest, I've been on the most unholy otome game binge over the past week (like 70+ hrs worth of gaming eughhhh). But hey, I enjoyed every second of it.

Ok so by now ya'll probably know the drill. Pick a guy, or two, or more, and see what kind of assumptions I have about you. Each guy also comes with a spotify playlist! Give it a listen if you feel like. Ok lets go 😈

Ryuki F. Keisaiin

you have excellent taste

main character energy, and not necessarily always in a good way. high chance of being a dumbass. An attention catching dumbass.

Actual empaths

Listens to the same song on loop for hours until you get bored of it and pick a new song to put on loop for hours

Loyal af. Would pick a fight for a friend.

Has probably spontaneously cut their own hair at least once in a moment of desperation.

Gill Lovecraft

late bloomer squad what's up.

Drinks their caffeinated beverages with a shitton of milk and sugar.

Prettiest smiles. Probably has dimples.

Subscribed to too many of those cozy youtube bloggers. Owns a mechanical keyboard.

You've been procrastinating on watering your houseplants.

Good at small talk

Shelby Snail

...aren't you tired of the man in suit archetype yet.

your alignment: mansplain / manipulate / malewife

Reads smut in public places with a straight face.

In general, always looks like you have your shit together. Probably really good at doing eyeliner.

Oddly get the feeling that most of ya'll are dog people. Lmk if I got it right.

Really good at holding your alcohol

Raul Aconite

your alignment: mansplain / manipulate / malewife

Risky jaywalker, like sees oncoming traffic and still chooses to cross 6 lanes on a red light in the middle of the road when there’s a cross walk 10 feet away, type risky jaywalker

Has a hard time saying no.

Really good listeners. Probably has tea on a lot of people that you're saving for the right moment.

Allan Melville

the girlies up at 4am reading fanfiction

best hugs

sunshine energy

manga > anime types

Has watched CORPSE stream at least once.

Either can't drive or is really bad at it. Makes your friends and/or s/o chauffeur you around.

Peter Flage

your alignment: mansplain / manipulate / malewife

virgos, cancers, and any other sign that likes to feel needed

real life tsunderes, whether you're aware of it or not.

makes a really awesome cup of coffee/tea.

Would trust you to hold my drink

...why do i feel like a bunch of ya'll are/were theater kids