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werebutch · 3 years

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For me, everything really got so much better when I turned 18. There's a bit of an adjustment for the first little bit as you start to learn what it means to be an adult, but it honestly brings good things.

Advice time!

1. Get some kind of storage, and keep all your important documents there. Any tax receipts, passports, proof of employment, ect. When you move, it rules to just open a drawer and have all that stuff ready to go. Obviously also make this a secure storage, if you can

2. Cooking! Even the higher-end dishes can be cheaper than eating out almost anywhere. Provided you don't live in a food desert - those are worth moving to a different city to get out of. If you're completely unknowledgable, refried bean burritos, steamed vegetables, stir fries, and most breakfast food are good ones for people just starting out. I've been cooking since forever, and anyone is always welcome to message and ask for recipies, fyi! Also while you're learning stuff, fixing clothes is a great one to pick up if you have the change. In general, how to fix things is always worth learning if you can.

3. Don't feel like you need to move out just because you're old enough to do it! If your parents are people you like (or don't really mind at least), consider staying with them and focusing on building up finances. If you need to get out, see if you can join a rental group, especially queer-focused ones. It's always cheaper to rent with roommates. Keep in mind that living with other people is a skill that takes time to develop and there will be road bumps.

4. There's a lot of new things to do & try! Hell yes. Don't feel like you need to do any of them, just because they're easier/legal to do. Especially for drugs (including alcohol) and sex (especially kink / risky sex). If you do want to try a new thing, start with a smaller amount. Doing something too much or too intensely can really be a rough experience, and doing something in a small amount will let you get a good feel for it, while keeping your head clear enough to understand what's happening.

5. Fuck rules and manners. Learn how to say no to people, its the best skill to have. Also, learn how to say yes - specifically when you're offered help, or free things, or any act of kindness. If someone is offering something, it's often because they'd legitimately be happy to see you have it.

6. Go thrifting! Buying high quality used clothes, instead of fast fashion, will have a much longer life span. Go to shitty little music shows! Go to dingy diners at 2am! But also take care and joy in taking care of yourself. Self maintenance will seriously make everything else much easier, and getting into the habit early will really help.

7. Whenever you move out, you'll be in a totally different environment, and that's really spooky. The first 3 or 4 nights will likely feel scary, and like you made the wrong decision. Big changes are hard, and leaving the consistency of your home is intimidating. Normally, I always say trust your gut instincts, but this one is usually wrong. Humans are built to survive, and your brain doesn't trust new things. Once you've lived there a week or so, you'll love the place. If you still feel like you shouldn't be living somewhere after 3 weeks or so, you should start looking, if you can afford it. Keeping a good and healing space is serious a #1 priority.

8. You may have been lied to about credit cards. My parents, teachers, and a bunch of people basically hammered home "don't get a credit card or you'll lose all your money". I didn't get one for so long, and I was honestly so proud. But, it was a struggle! Occasionally a place will only accept credit, and it'll suck to be locked out of them. Also, you won't build good credit that way. My recommendation is to get a card that doesn't have any fees (doesn't matter about points or whatever) and just use it for 1 or 2 of your purchases a month, that you know you can easily afford, they really don't need to be big. Pay it off immediately. If you end up taking out any loans, pay them on time! Most people recommend paying the maximum amount off of a loan each month, but as a new adult, it'll be ok if you want to hold onto more of your money, and only pay the minimum each month. That's totally OK, just do it on time! As long as you do this, you'll have really good credit.

9. Own it! You're in control now. For me, the simple little thing of picking out my own hand soaps is something I treasure. It's your life, and it looks like it now! You can get posters, fairy lights, plants, anything! Give your space some personality, make it feel like yours! Note- posters feel a little dingy after a while, even new ones. If you have some you like especially, buy some frames for them, or get them as tapestries. Both feel way fancier and more adult. But posters are cheaper, so you can get way more of them.

10. Once you're out of school, it'll be a bit harder to make friends. The best way to do it is to go to social events, like board game nights, hobby groups, ect. Anything with a shared interest means you'll likely find some people you vibe with. Don't feel like you need a ton of friends! Just a few is fine, you want to make sure they're people you truly like being around, that are good friends to have.

11. Oh shit also get vaccinated before you do any of that social stuff. Also,,, maybe look into health insurance. It's a seriously good investment, (more if you're in USA, in Canada it's not needed quite as much. Dental, on the other hand, is definetly worth getting). If you're on your parents insurance, stay on that for as long as possible! It's free baby!

12. Don't try to become what you thing an adult "needs" to be. It's your life, being an adult can be whatever you want it to look like! And, honestly, the first step of being an adult just looks a lot like being a teenager, just with a bit of change every year or so. Take it slow, and put yourself first.

13. That's it! There's probably a bit more I could put on here, but this feels good. I'm open to questions! If this ends up getting posted, this includes other people too! It's a scary process, but it can be a really good thing, and it has been for so many people I know. Good luck, be safe, have fun!

this is super helpful once I start wanting to move out, but I’m not quite there yet :) thank u tho this rlly helps me prepare lol

#asks #anonymous #I’ll put some tags in here:#life tips #life advice #long post

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weekendwarriorblog · 3 years

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The Weekend Warrior 10/1/21: VENOM: LET THERE BE CARNAGE, THE ADDAMS FAMILY II, THE MANY SAINTS OF NEWARK, TITANE, MAYDAY, THE JESUS MUSIC

Yeah, so I haven’t had the time over the past couple weeks to write a column, and I kind of hate that fact, especially since I’m coming up on a pretty major milestone for me writing a weekly box office column and reviewing movies. In fact, that milestone comes next week! And once again, I’m struggling to get through the movies I was hoping to watch and write about this week, because I’ve been out of town and once again, very busy over the weekend. Let’s see how far I get...

Before we get to this week’s wide releases, I’m excited to say that my local arthouse movie theater, The Metrograph, is finally reopening for in-person screenings, and they’re kicking things off with a 4k restoration of Andrez Zulawski’s 1981 thriller, Possession, starring Sam Neill and Isabell Adjani, who won a Best Actress prize at Cannes for her performance in the film. I actually saw this at the Metrograph a few years back, and Metrograph Pictures, the distribution arm of the company is now distributing the 4k restoration. There’s a lot of exciting things ahead at Metrograph, including an upcoming four-film Clint Eastwood retrospective, including White Hunter, Black Heart (1990) and A Perfect World (1991) this Friday. Also, Lingua Franca director Isabel Sandoval will be showing her fantastic film from 2020 (a rare chance to see it in a theater and I’ll be there!) as well as program a number of other favorites of hers. Sunday will have screenings of Ingmar Berman’s Scenes from a Marriage (1973) in its full four plus hour glory, Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park (1993) and John Carpenter’s In the Mouth of Madness (1994).. In other words, the Metrograph is back!

Moving over to the weekend’s three wide releases, the first one up being Sony’s VENOM: LET THERE BE CARNAGE (Sony Pictures) with Tom Hardy returning as Eddie Brock aka Venom, joined by Woody Harrelson as the psychotic symbiote, Carnage. Taking over the directing reins is Andy Serkis, who has only directed two other movies, Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle and Breathe, but as an actor, he’s been heavily involved with the CG VFX (and performance capture) needed to bring the characters in this Marvel anti-hero movie to life.

Venom has been one of Spider-Man’s most popular villains and sometimes allies for quite a few decades now, starting out life as a cool black costume Spider-Man found on a strange planet during the first “Secret Wars,” which turned out to be an alien symbiote that had malicious intentions. Spider-Man got the costume off of him but it then linked up with Eddie Brock, a sad-sack journalist whose emotions drove the alien symbiote to become the Venom we known and (mostly) love, thanks to one Todd McFarlane. Venom continued to play a large part in the Spider-Man books before getting his own comics, and not before a super-villain was created for him in Cletus Kasady, a vicious serial killer whose infection by the symbiote turns him into Carnage. And that’s who Harrelson is playing.

Being a sequel, we do have some basis to go on, although the original Venom movie, released in early October 2018, also arrived at a time when it was only the second time the character of Venom was brought to the big screen -- the first time being Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 3, in which the character was received without much love as Ryan Reynold’s Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. And yet, Venom did great, opening with $80.2 million and grossing $213 million domestically, which is more than enough to greenlight a sequel. (It made over double that amount overseas, too.) For comparison, the Wolverine prequel opened with $85 million but at the beginning of summer, so it quickly tailed away with other movies coming out after it. Venom: Let There Be Carnage has to worry about the new James Bond opening a week later, so it very likely could be a one-and-done, opening decently but quickly dropping down as other big movies are released in October (basically one a week).

I’ve already seen the movie, and by the time you read this, reviews will already be up --including my own at Below the Line. Social media reactions seem to not be so bad though, so maybe it’ll get better reviews than its predecessor, which was trashed by critics, receiving only a 30% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. But if you look at the fan ratings, they’re higher with 81%, although it’s hard not to be

I’m thinking that bearing COVID in mind and the law of depreciation since the previous movie, Venom: Let There Be Carnage will probably be good for around $50 million this weekend, maybe a little more, but however it’s received, I expect it to drop significantly next week, though a total domestic gross of $135 to 140 million seems reasonable.

Another strong sequel to kick off October is the animated THE ADDAMS FAMILY II (MGM), which is following up the 2019 hit for MGM/UA Releasing with most of the voice cast returning, including Oscar Isaac, Charlize Theron, Chloe Grace Moretz, and Finn Wolfhard, as well as Nick Kroll, Snoop Dogg, Martin Short, Catherine O’Hara, and Bette Midler voicing the popular characters from the New Yorker cartoons, a popular ‘60s TV series, and two Barry Sonnenfeld movies from the ‘90s.

The 2019 animated film was a pretty solid hit for the newly-launched UA Releasing, grossing $100 million domestic after a $30.3 million opening, making it one of MGM’s biggest hits since it was restructured under UA and became its own distributor again. Who knows what’s going to happen with Amazon’s plans on buying MGM and whether the latter will remain a distribution wing, but MGM still has a number of movies out this year that likely will be awards contenders. But that doesn’t mean much for The Addams Family II, which will try to get some of those people who paid to see the original movie in theaters back to see the sequel… and if they’re not going to theaters, MGM is once again offering the movie day-and-date on VOD much like they did with last year’s Bill and Ted Face the Music, which opened much earlier in the pandemic (late august, 2020), so it far fewer options to see it in theaters compared to this animated sequel.

It’s highly doubtful that The Addams Family II was going to open anywhere near to $30 million even if there wasn’t a pandemic, and it wasn’t on VOD just because MGM just doesn’t seem to be marketing the movie as well as its predecessor. You can blame COVID if you want, but it’s also the fact they’re distributing the company’s first James Bond movie in six years, No Time To Die, on their own vs. through another distributor, ala the last few Daniel Craig Bonds. But we’ll talk more about that next week, since that’s going to be an important movie to help cover MGM’s expenses for the rest of 2021. (I haven’t had a chance to see this yet, but it’s embargoed until Friday, so wouldn’t be able to get a review into the column regardless.)

We’ve seen quite a few family hits over the past few months even when the movies were already on streaming/VOD, but parents are probably being a bit more careful with kids back in school, many younger kids still not vaccinated, and the Delta variant still not quite under control. Because of those factors, I think The Addams Family II is more likely to do somewhere between $15 and 18 million its opening weekend, maybe more on the lower side.

Third up is THE MANY SAINTS OF NEWARK (New Line/WB), David Chase’s prequel to his hit HBO series, The Sopranos, which went off the air in 2004 but still finds fans on the new HBO Max streamer. Ironically, this prequel will air on the streamer at the same time as it's getting a theatrical release, which probably won't be a very tough choice for fans.

Chase has reunited with director Alan Taylor, who won a Primetime Emmy for his work on the show in 2007 before moving onto other popular shows like HBO's Game of Thrones. Taylor has had a bit of a rough career in film, though, having directed Marvel Studios’ sequel, Thor: The Dark World, a movie that wasn't received very well although there were rumors that Taylor butted heads with the producers and maybe didn't even finish the movie. He went on to direct Terminator Genesys, which honestly, I can't remember if it was the worst Terminator movie, but it was pretty bad.

What's interesting is that because this is a prequel set in the '70s and '80s, none of the actors from the show appear on it, but it does star Alessandro Nivola, a great actor in one of his meatiest roles for a studio movie. It also introduces Michael Gandolfini, son of the late James Gandolfini (who played Tony Soprano, if you didn't know), playing the teenage Tony, plus it has great roles for the likes of Jon Bernthal (as Tony's father), Vera Farmiga (playing Tony's mother), Corey Stoll (playing the younger "Junior” Soprano), and Lesile Odom Jr, as the Sopranos key adversary, even though he ends up coming across like the good guy of the movie. It also stars Billy Magnussen, who oddly, also has a key role in next week's No Time to Die.

I'm sure there's quite a bit of interest in seeing where Tony came from and to learn more about his family, many who were dead long before the events of the HBO show, but will that be enough to get them into theaters when they already have HBO? I already reviewed the movie for Below the Line, and reviews are generally positive, which might get people more interested in this prequel.

As with most of Warner Bros’ movies this year, Many Saints will also debut on HBO Max and unlike some of the studio’s other 2021 offerings, it will actually make more sense to watch this one on the streamer since that’s how most people watched The Sopranos. That seems like a killer for Many Saints, and it’s likely to keep it opening under $10 million, where it might have done better on a different weekend (like sometime over the last two weeks).

This is what I have this weekend’s top 10 looking like:

1. Venom: Let There Be Carnage (Sony) - $50.4 million N/A

2. The Addams Family II (MGM/UA Releasing) - $16.5 million N/A

3. The Many Saints of Newark (New Line/WB) - $9 million N/A

4. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (Marvel/Disney) - $7.5 million -44%

5. Dear Evan Hansen (Universal) - $4.1 million -45%

6. Free Guy (20th Century/Disney) - $3.3 million -30%

7. Jungle Cruise (Disney) - $1.1 million -35%

8. Candyman (Universal) - $1.3 million -48%

9. Cry Macho (Warner Bros.) - $1 million -52%

10. Malignant (Warner Bros.) - .7 million -53%

Opening in select cities is French filmmaker Julia (Raw) Ducournau’s TITANE (Neon), the genre thriller that won this year’s coveted Palme D’Or at the Cannes Film Festival. It stars Agathe Rouselle as a young woman who has an interesting relationship with automobiles, but she also has psychotic tendencies that leaves a trail of bodies behind her. On the run, she decides to pretend she’s the missing son of a fireman (Vincent Lindon), who has been missing for 10 years, and things just get weirder from there.

I honestly wasen’t sure what to expect from this although I do remember walking out of Ducournau’s cannibal movie, Raw, just because it was so gross, even though so many of my colleagues and friends swear by the movie, and this one, for that matter. Sure, there’s a certain “prove it” factor to me watching a movie that wins the Palme D’Or, because it’s very rare that I like the movies that do win that benchmark cinema award.

After a flashback to Agathe’s character Alexia when she was an obstinate young girl kicking the back seat of her father as he’s driving. They crash and she’s forced to get surgery that puts an odd looking piece of metal in her head. Decades later, she seems to be a pseudo-stripper at weird punk rock car show -- I guess they do those things different in France -- and hooking up with a fellow “model” afterwards. Agathe is actually a very popular model/dancer but when one fan gets too grabby, she pulls a knitting needle out of her hair and stabs it through his ear, killing him. Oh, yeah, she then has sex with a car and seemingly gets pregnant, but that only happens later. First, she goes on a bit of a killing spree and then goes on a run and decides that by strapping up her breasts and breaking her nose, she can pass off this fire captain’s son… and it works!

So the second half deals with acting great Vincent Lindon’s absolutely bonkers steroid-addicted man who seems to be sexually attracted to his own son, and most of his fellow firefighters knows that he’s gay but in the closet, but I’m honestly not sure what that matters. He’s a pretty disgusting character whose 70-year-old ass we see way too much of, and even those who might find Rouselle to be quite fetching, there’s a certain point where her nudity is not alluring but quite horrifying.

Oh, and at this time, Alexia (or Adrien, as she’s now going) has also gotten significantly pregnant, but it’s not a normal pregnancy because what should be milk from her breasts seems to some sort of motor oil. That’s because she FUCKED A CAR earlier in the movie!!! What do you expect when you fuck a car and don’t use protection, girlie? The fact Alexia/Adrien is trying to hide the fact she’s a pregnant woman from a station full of men isn’t even particularly disturbing. The part that really got me was when she broke her own nose to pass off as this guy’s son -- I actually had to look away for that part.

Listen I’m no prude, and I think I can handle most things in terms of horror and gore, but Titane just annoyed me, because it felt like Ms Ducournau was doing a lot of what we see more for shock value than to actually drive the story forward. There just doesn’t seem to be much point to any of it, and once the movie gets to the firehouse, and we see her interaction (as a young man) with her “father” and his colleagues, it just gets more grueling.

It’s as if Ducournau had watched a lot of movies by the likes of Cronenberg or David Lynch, or more likely Nicolas Refn or Lars von Trier, and thought, “I could be just as strange and horrific as those men… let’s see what people think of this.” And way too many people fell for it, including the Cannes jury. While I normally would approve of any good body horror movie, especially one with cinematography, score and musical selections as good as this one, I doubt I’d ever want to watch this movie again. And therefore, I don’t think I can recommend this movie to anyone either, at least no one I want to remain my friend.

As far as the movie’s box office, NEON is opening the movie in 562 theaters to build on buzz from various film festivals, including the New York Film Festival earlier this week. I think it should be good for half a million this weekend, although maybe it'll surprise me like NEON's release of Parasite a few years back. I just don't see this getting into the top 10 but maybe just outside it.

And then we have a few more movies that I got screeners for but just couldn’t find the time to watch, but might do so once I finish this verdammt column.

The faith-based doc THE JESUS MUSIC (Lionsgate) by the Erwin Brothers (I Can Only Imagine, I Still Believe) takes a look at the rise of Christian Contemporary Music through artists like Amy Grant and Stryper and everything in between, featuring lots of interviews of the artists’ trials and triumphs. Even though there isn’t much CCM I ever listen to, I’m still kind of curious about this one, since I generally like music docs and this is guaranteed not to be the sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll of most of them. I have no idea how wide Lionsgate intends to release this but it certainly can be fairly wide, because the Erwins have delivered at least one giant hit for Lionsgate, and I Still Believe may have been another one if not for the pandemic. It actually opened on March 13, just days before movie theaters shut down across the country, so it's little surprise it only made $7 million domestic. That said, the acts in this one have a lot of fans, and if Lionsgate does release The Jesus Music into 1,000 theaters or so (which is very doable), then I would expect it would make between $1 and 2 million, which would be enough to break into the Top 10.

I haven't seen any of the movies based on Anna Todd's YA romance novels but the third of them, AFTER WE FELL, will play in about 1,311 theaters on Thursday i.e. tonight through Fathom Events, and may or may not continue through the weekend. These movies just kind of show up, and again, having not seen any of them, I'm not sure what kind of audience they have, but this one stars Josephine Langford and Hero Fiennes, as well as Stephen Moyer, Mira Sorvino and Arielle Kebbel with Castille Landon directing.

Grace Van Patten (Under the Silver Lake) stars in Karen Cinorre’s action-fantasy film MAYDAY (Magnolia), playing Ana, a young woman who is transported to a “dreamlike and dangerous” coastline where she joins a female army in a never-ending war where women lure men to their deaths. It also stars Mia Goth, Havana Rose Liu, Soko, Théodore Pellerin and Juliette Lewis. It will be in theaters and On Demand this Friday.

The great Tim Blake Nelson stars in Potsy Ponciroli’s action-Western OLD HENRY (Shout! Studios/Hideout) about a widowed farmer and son who take in an injured man with a satchel full of cash only to have to fend off a posse who come after the man, claiming to be the law. Not sure who to trust, the farmer has to use his gun skills to defend his home and the stranger.

The romantic-comedy FALLING FOR FIGARO (IFC Films) is the new movie from Australian filmmaker Ben Lewin (The Sessions), who I’ve interviewed a few times, and he’s a really nice chap. This one stars Danielle Macdonald, Hugh Skinner, and Joanna Lumley, and it will be in theaters and On Demand this Friday. This rom-com is set in the world of opera singing competitions with Macdonald playing Millie, a brilliant young fund manager who decides to chase her dream of being an opera singer in the Scottish Highlands. She begins vocal training lessons with a former opera diva, played by Lumley, where she meets Max, a young man also training for that competition. Could love blossom? This actually sounds like my kind of movie, so I’ll definitely try to watch soon.

The second season of “Welcome to Blumhouse” the horror movie anthology kicks off on Amazon Prime Video on Friday with the first two movies, Maritte Lee Go’s Black as Night (which I’ve seen) and Gigi Saul Guerrero’s Bingo Night (which I haven’t), and actually I’ll have an interview with Ms. Go over at Below the Line possibly later this week. The former stars Ashja Cooper as a teen girl living in Louisiana who has a bad experience with homeless vampires, along with her best friend (Fabrizio Guido).

Also, Antoine Fuqua and Jake Gyllenhaal’s remake of the Danish film THE GUILTY will begin streaming on Netflix starting Friday after premiering at TIFF a few weeks back. I never got around to reviewing it, but it’s pretty good, maybe a little better than the original movie but essentially the same. I’d definitely recommend it if you like Jake, because he’s definitely terrific in it.

Also hitting Netflix this week is Juana Macias' SOUNDS LIKE LOVE (Netflix), a Spanish language romance movie that (guess) I haven't seen!

A few other movies I didn’t get to this week, include:

STOP AND GO (Decal) VAL (Dread) BLUSH (UA Releasing) RUNT (1091 Pictures)

Next week, it’s not time for James Bond, it’s time for James Bond to die… no, wait… there is NO TIME TO DIE! Also, a very, very special anniversary for the Weekend Warrior….

#The Weekend Warrior #Venom: Let There Be Carnage #Many Saints of Newark #Addams Family II #movies #review #box office #reviews #The Jesus Music #Titane

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luvdsc · 3 years

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Hihi Cat! I've come to deliver some good news! (This is pretty long huhu ToT)

MY ERB HAS BEEN APPROVED AND I CAN PROCEED TO RECRUIT PARTICIPANTS!! Ahh it's been such a blessing to be able to proceed immediately! I've actually hit my target amount of participants in less than a day (IT'S CRAZY) but I'm gonna collect more responses cuz the more the better! (Would you wanna check the questionnaire out? I can PM you the link!! :3)

Also also I PASSED THAT FINALS! The one I took a day after my vaccination (1st dose) ToT GAHH I'm so happy I won't even ask for more, it's enough :3

I've been writing my thesis during this sem break but it's progressing pretty slowly cuz I've been so drained from last semester and the vaccine itself. Huhu but I've written a brief rundown for my proposal so there's a rough idea there, just needa rly assemble it into a clear narrative. And yes I agree! Psychology studies are a beautiful fusion of science & human essence imo, and its fascinating learning more abt ourselves and how we as the human species progress in life ya know? 😌

I got my second dose exactly a week ago and got the same side effects - headache, arm soreness, hunger, fatigue; I felt like a fusion of psyduck & snorlax HAHAHAHA 😂 - it wasn't anything serious so yay I'm fully vaccinated! (in a few weeks time keke I'll be)

HAHAHAHA my vaccination appointments were pretty eventful. The nurses and volunteers were all so warm and friendly! I'm the type of person who feels whatever's being injected into me, it's not the pain that I wanna distract myself from (it wasn't pain tbh) but that sluggish discomfort I get from the needle ejaculation >//< sooo as they showed me the vile and syringe before injecting me, I prepped my Yangyang photocard in my hand. During my second dose, the nurse thought I had some fancy way of taking a video when in actual fact I was just looking at my Yangyang photocard hehe UwU she asked me whether I wanted to see the needle going in (smtg I can't look at tbh) and I was like HELL NAH ToT

And also some recap from the previous ask!

There's no need to apologise for the delayed response okie!! UwU my sem break is ending this week, but I've spent my time completing my academic research trainee tasks (transcribing audio clips), I've also created the content & design for my uni's newsletter, did some thesis writing, and I took a course on financial planning on Coursera to prep myself for the adulting life ToT

And idm sharing my back up / failed topics! I didn't have a lot of cards in my hands, but here are some of em!

1) time perspective and meaning in life 2) anticipatory nostalgia 3) not a topic but a variable! fragility of happiness / happiness aversion

what ideas did you settle on for yr art pieces? If you dm sharing, I'd love to hear abt it! 💖💖💖

Tbh I can't think of a fav ice cream flavor hmm 🤔 i rly didn't think it'd be so hard thinking of a fav ice cream flavor but the first that comes to mind is green tea! I like them milky flavored ice cream😍 though my fav from this ice cream place I go to is thai milk tea, it's so fragrant and milky!! 🥺💖 I just got myself a tub of milk & biscoff gelato keke UwU what's yr fav ice cream flavor? :3

For my course structure:

We have 2 long sems (Jan - Apr, & Aug - Dec, 16 weeks) & a short sem (May - July, 9 weeks)! Our sem breaks are only around a month then it's back to sleepless nights ToT AND YES those weeks were the most stressful weeks ever 🥺😭 I'm glad I'm graduating soon for that reason 😂(though idk what awaits in the working world ToT that is another fear I have :/)

Thank you for being part of this journey and being open to listening to my lil adventures! 🥺🙆🏻‍♀️💖😭 esp w the amount of responses and ppl helping me, I feel a lil more motivated to work and excel in this pregnancy (thesis, I call it pregnancy cuz it's around 9 months too HEHE) Since the pandemic, it's been pretty hard separating studies & hobbies :/ I've learnt it the hard way from my period cramps last sem (mine's the severe type where you can faint ToT), and it was also on my last paper for finals !! Very traumatizing ._. but I'll continue to manage myself better! :3

Huhu Cat since you're working now, I also wanna ask abt yr experience in job seeking! Cuz unemployment is a real deal here esp. w everything that's going on :') I don't have working experience either (only had 1 through internship) and it literally feels like I'm going into the unknown ToT I've been running over some case studies and assessments just to better prep myself for this. Do you have any advice as someone who's already working? UwU

Take care and stay lovely as always!! 💖💖💖

hi, sweetpea !!!! 🌸 omg major congratulations for getting your ERB approved, honey bee !!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 that’s absolutely amazing, and I’m uber proud of you 🥺💗💗 also, it’s wonderful that you hit the required number of participants so quickly !!!!! (And I would love to participate if the questionnaire is still open 🤧)

AND HECK YEAAA CONGRATS ON PASSING THE FINAL TOO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 big congrats to you all around, miss smarty pants 💓💓💓

Oh gosh, I hope you got to rest during your semester break too ): you’re working so hard, please remember to take care of yourself !! 💕 your mental health is more important 🤍 have you finalized your proposal now? And omg yes exactly !!! It’s so interesting to see the thought process behind an action and how it can be manipulated or influenced by various stimulants or there’s also the argument between nature versus nurture too and how that affects psychology and it’s just all so cool to learn about 🤩

Omg you had so many symptoms, I’m so sorry to hear that 😭 I only had a sore arm, but that’s what happens when I get any shot 🤧 I hope you’re feeling better now 💘💘

I’m really glad to hear that the nurses and volunteers were kind and friendly !! it’s always comforting to have nice people as doctors, especially when you’re trusting them to stick a needle in you bshdjdjdkd omg yangyang to the rescue !!!! 💞💞 we’re not allowed to record record any medical appointments, like I think the nurse thought the person in front of me in line was recording when they were getting their vaccine and said they weren’t allowed to do that 😅 and aaaaa I always have to look when they inject me, I don’t like being taken by surprise 🤧

oh my gosh you were so productive over your semester break !!!! :o and oooo you do content & design for your school’s newsletter? Do you do stuff like graphic designing and write articles? 💓 and how was the financial planning course !! Did you learn a lot? Did you like the studies? :’)

aaaaa those topics sound so cool ??? 🤩🤩 I would definitely be down to read about those omg 💛

for my 3D design class, I decided to do lightbulbs and flowers as my overarching theme for my art pieces !! I included a couple pictures below under the cut at the bottom 💓 the first one is a soft sculpture made out of newspaper, and there’s a pencil next to it for size reference, the second one is made of wires that I shaped myself, and the third one is made of foam boards that I cut and assembled myself as well 💕 and I included a picture of my final painting project! it’s a triptych and I believe the size was like 18 x 24 for each one? If you click on the picture, it should be better quality!

omg I love green tea ice cream too !!!!! 🍵🍦 I like going to somi somi for their matcha and milk swirl ice cream with red bean taiyaki 💚 I only had thai milk tea ice cream once, but it was phenomenal 🤩 I wish they sold it near me too !! milk and biscoff :o I’ve never tried that flavor! I’ll have to see if it’s sold around here :’) green tea is my favorite, but I also really like everything but the... from Ben and Jerry’s !! 💛 also alcoholic ice cream.... like there’s this one kind where it was a breakfast esque type with vanilla, corn flakes, and bourbon, and it was delicious 😋

omg what 😭😭 you’re basically going to school year round with no break bahsjdjdjdkd when I was in uni, i had a month off for winter break (usually something like dec 9 - jan 9) and then mid june to mid September off, so around three months of summer vacation? Your school schedule sounds absolutely brutal 💀💀

and omg of course !!! Thank you for letting me be a part of the journey 🥺💗 bdjdjddj pregnancy omg that’s such an interesting way of seeing it :o sending you all my love and support for a successful delivery of your thesis baby 🥰🥰 oh yeah, it’s definitely been a struggle to separate everything, especially when the lines between home and workspace blur with online school or working from home. And oh my god ???? Are you okay ?? Did you go see a doctor or take any medication? I hope you’re feeling better now !! Please take care of yourself 😭

ah, I got my job through my internship, so I’m not sure how helpful I will be 😅 but during the process of interviewing for internships, there were several rounds for each company that range from a group interview, a one on one interview, video interview where they give you random questions that you have to answer on the spot (some of mine were discuss the stock market, give a sales pitch on something you’re interested in, etc), a test, etc. I think it’s different depending on the job you’re going for, but that’s what I had to do in the business field! It’s important to study and prep for all of this!! It’s like taking an verbal exam for one of your classes. And also make sure to study the company’s website and familiarize yourself with what they do/sell.

My one piece of overall advice would be about interviews! Interviews are important in which the person interviewing you is seeing if you’ll be a good fit with the company, not in terms of skill, but personality. They already know you’re qualified and have good skills - that’s how you got the interview. With the interview, they’re essentially trying to see how personable you are and if you will work well with their team. Some people are so intent on proving their skills that they kinda just rattle off all their achievements and whatnot, and it’s like... the interviewer already knows this, it’s all on the resume they reviewed when they decided to give the interview offer. Be friendly, open, maybe make a little small talk at the beginning (“hey, how are you? any weekend plans / how was your weekend?” This is what I did for all my business interviews, and I got an offer back from every one 🤧💗), make appropriate jokes / be a little funny, just show that you’d be a fun person to have in the office whom people will want on their team, but that you will also be dedicated to the job and work hard 💘

And thank you so much, honey bee!!! 💞 I hope you’re doing well and having a good week , and please take care as well 🌷🌷

#asks #jaeismytamtation

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thisnerdsadventures · 3 years

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a summer to remember

hello friends, i definitely just abandoned this whole blog, now didn't i

well i am happy to report that i am still alive, and am thriving!

Here's a rundown of everything that has been going on:

[inserting a readmore because this is long af]

May

So in May, I was definitely just all over the place because I was 1) trying to finish a paper published in a conference!! it literally drove me insane. anyways, then i had to go and finish a 78 page thesis, which involved a really convoluted timeline because i had to finish it ~ a week before the actual deadline so my PI could read it over, but then i had to finish it a few days before THAT so my PhD supervisors could read it over, which meant that i had like one (1) week to write like. all of it.

Luckily I had most of the first half already written, during whatever shitshow April was (April was a lot of coding for the paper, and then not having time to write my thesis). But THEN i had to organize all the data from my own personal experiments, make figures, and draft the entire results section. AND i had like two final reports to do for my class, so my last weeks of academia looked like....

Of course, the day before my thesis was due, I pulled an all nighter, because, of course. What other way would I ever end my academic career. Submitted it though, and I graduated! [LINK TO MY THESIS]

Also! I got vaccinated and felt like death for a whole day, but then my friend came over and we ate fried chicken and watched this show called Miraculous, which is a kids show from France, but for some reason is actually hilarious and really entertaining. Then I felt better, so I proceeded to work on my thesis.

Also, I guess I should talk a little bit about the class I took this semester, which was an industrial organization economics class. We looked at things like how different markets are organized, why they are that way, what market concentration means, how mergers affect competition, and what kind of effect that may impose on consumers. For the final case study (which, I will say, I wrote like 2000 words in a single day, so . applause for me), I looked at the Nvidia-ARM merger and how that may or may not affect competition in the GPU market, the CPU market, and the mobile chip market. I think my analysis was a little bit more surface level, which was fine for me, since I'm by no means an economics expert or even remotely should have any expectations at all, but I read a lot and learned a lot and that's the goal!

So yes, my brief excursion into the field of economics was overall positive, I feel like I learned a lot and now I can read financial articles about the tech industry and not be completely lost, which, again, was the goal.

But yes, May was a lot of work, and once it wrapped up, I got to spend a lot of time with friends post-vaccination! After the 1 or 2 week mark after my second dose, I started going back to the gym, especially to play basketball with folks, which I had missed a lot. I spent a lot of time at my old dorm just hanging out, and got to have a cute salmon dinner over at my other friend's place. And we made cheesecake too.

June (MA->NY->MA->CA)

I finally went to visit my best friend in New York. I hadn't seen her in > 400 days, so it was really a very anticipated event, except we saw each other across the crosswalk, but then the light took like five minutes to turn green, so it was really anticlimactic. Anyways, we ended up bumming around New York and Long Island for a week, and it was nice to spend some time with her after such a long gap.

We spent a day at a vineyard and I fell asleep so

After getting back to Boston, my mom came back from Taiwan to help me move out of my apartment. It was a lot of finding people to sell things to, sweating because it was very hot that week, and praying everything would work out (it did). I also got to have a few final meals with various friends and my mom and I got to take one last lark down the Infinite, which I was really grateful for because it was the first time visitors got to go inside campus in over a year.

Also got into my school's MBA program! Yes i applied to a deferred program (which is like you get into a program, but you don't have to go for 2-5 years, as a way of getting in right after undergrad/grad school, but then accumulating some work experience first). It was hilarious, I was literally shopping in my campus store for a new sweatshirt and I got a phone call from the admissions office saying I got in. My mom had been pushing me to apply to grad programs, and I didn't tell her about it because I didn't know if I would actually follow through. But I got to surprise her with the news, and she was so happy she did the whole "calling all the relatives" thing again.

After flying home, I told myself I'd read more and exercise more, which I have been doing. I got a membership at Planet Fitness, which has been really good for me (going 3x a week), and I've made my way through at least 5 books this summer so far. My holds list at my local library is literally insane. (For recs, I recently read Normal People, which I absolutely devoured, and In the Dream House, which hit really hard for me.)

This summer was also really about reconnecting with high school friends. All three of us were unemployed, with plans to come in the fall, so we were all free to hang out all the time. We started out at the local library planning out a road trip, and we worked out a few times together, and a few coffee dates too. We took a fun day trip down to LA one day, and we visited Malibu, went to the Getty, hit up some local food places in the city. Driving down the PCH with Taylor Swift blaring and the windows down on a hot June day, just hits so different. There is nothing like it.

My friend's birthday was in June, so we put together a little video for her and bought some jewelry, and had a Zoom call to celebrate. Then I got BBQ with some friends and sat in the parking lot eating ice cream until 11 at night just trading stories from our pasts. It felt like the perfect summer life, just staying out until whenever, grabbing food wherever we wanted, with friends I had had for literally a whole decade.

It was already a really good summer, but then July. July was crazy.

July (CA -> MI -> CA -> NV -> CA -> WA -> OR -> CA)

So one Sunday morning, I woke up to a text

Actually, I'm going to do a separate post on the whole Michigan trip because that sh** was on another level of spontaneous, impulsive, crazy life stuff. But anyways, so July started off with a trip to Michigan to visit my friends, and then I came back for the 4th, had 36 hours of rest before my high school friends and I went on a road trip.

This road trip was a little ambitious. We hit spots all up California, from hiking in Sequoia Nat'l Park to Kings Canyon, driving up to Sacramento and visiting art museums, and then going up to Tahoe but staying in Nevada, going kayaking and hiking and sitting on the beach for hours. It was reallllllly hot, but luckily I don't think it ever broke 90 degrees. The views were beautiful, especially at Kings Canyon. The drive in, you're surrounded by huge rock walls, with a thin river rushing by next to you. The hike itself literally feels like you're in nature, like the trail is somewhat defined but not paved, there are no sounds of traffic, the path isn't heavily trafficked so we were the only ones there for the most part. We even saw a deer and washed our faces in the river. Throughout the whole thing, we climbed into so many waterfalls, trying not to slip on rocks.

I hadn't been to Sacramento in over a decade, but it was a cute day trip. There isn't a ton to do there, but it was a nice reprieve from the constant driving and nature. We visited the Leland Stanford Mansion, the Crocker Art Museum, and Old Town Sacramento. A good chance to get a nice coffee, a sit-down meal, and some air conditioning. At Tahoe, we went kayaking on Pope Beach, with the clearest water I have ever seen, followed up by a hike up to a beautiful view of the Lake.

On our way back, we stopped at a lot of interesting places, like small towns like Lee Vining, where we found an Upside Down House; Manzanar, the site of an old Japanese internment camp during the WWII era (which also hit hard); and Randsburg, a literal living ghost town. Overall, getting to travel with my friends finally was so fun, they were so much fun to be around for five days, and getting to explore so much of California was so fun - even though I'd been here for so long, I never knew these places existed.

So I came back and had around 48 hours to recover before my mom and I took a trip up to the Pacific Northwest!

I've always wanted to visit Seattle, and figured I'd hit Portland on the way too. We originally wanted to go to Hawaii but it got so expensive by the middle of the summer, so we decided to stay a little closer to home (probs the better decision bc I was already so tired by this point).

Seattle! Got to visit Pike Place Market many times, grab some coffee at the original Starbucks, see Mt. Rainier, and grab food with three friends! Also went to Bainbridge Island for a day which was SO cute - got to do an olive oil/balsamic vinegar tasting, which sounds so extra, but is actually really unexpectedly fun. At Starbs, I did a cold brew flight, which resulted in a rough night of tossing and turning for me, but I think it was worth it. Other things included the Pinball Museum, Space Needle, and Chihuly Glass Museum!

So I lowkey really wanted to visit Portland because I wanted to achieve a long-lasting dream of seeing an NWSL game in person. So I went to the Thorns Pride game!!

The Thorns fanbase is actually insane, I cannot express to you, like there's this whole fan section that actually did synchronized cheers and routines and was actually ROARING when they scored the entire game. I swear the audience was actually watching them at points instead of the match. Overall, the stadium was going crazy, like I thought I was at a tied Celtics-Bucks game with how loud it was in there. Also I swear, Ali Krieger made eye contact with me and waved.

In addition to that, Portland also has a huge rose garden, a nice Japanese tea garden, a lot of good donut stores and a huge bookstore, so all very up my alley. We also took a day trip to see Mt. Hood and more waterfalls!!

That's a summary of the SEA - PDX trip. Once I got home, my high school friends and I did not waste any time on reuniting to hang out - we went and played ball, grabbed lunch, and then coffee, and then did the same exact thing like two days later and watched a bunch of TikToks, and then spent a whole day at the beach to send my good friend off to medical school in Arizona. They somehow convinced me to go in the water and I got body checked by a wave.

Saw this sculpture on the beach and teared up a little

So proud of my friends for making it to med school, I am so excited to see them at their white coat ceremonies and beyond, I swear I will cry at every step of the way I'm so happy for them. Now that July is pretty much over, most of my fun summer plans are too, and I finally get a chance to catch my breath from that busy busy month. Spending a lot of time watching the Olympics and trying to muster up the motivation to start a fulltime job in < 1 month!!

Overall, I feel like I've been having a really solid summer given the year that was the covid year. I had a Lot of fun, literally probably two summers worth of fun consolidated into one. I think in the beginning of the year, I really wanted this summer to be good, and I didn't have a lot of set plans for the summer, even by the end of May. But somehow, things came together, like Really together, and I had the best summer of my life in this summer 2021. On top of that, I'm reading more than I have since probably middle school, I feel the most in shape that I ever have, I can DRIVE NOW. Only thing that would've made it better was if I got to go back to Taiwan to visit the fam, but unfortunately I can't go back because of strict travel restrictions there and they had a COVID outbreak too :/ I still got around 3.5 weeks of summer to go, so we'll see how the rest goes :)

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rescueonefinancialnet · 3 years

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I'm on a ledge and I don't know what to do.

Strap in, it's a long one.

tl;dr my husband and I are currently separating stemming from an argument we had and I'm trying to give space the best I can, but being outright ignored is killing me because I don't understand. I don't know if I stick it out and wait or I just call it because it's hard. I've never worked harder at something before. (I condensed as much as I could, but not to save face. I will offer clarity if I can.)

So my husband and I have been married 2 years, together 8 (almost) and we share a 5 year old daughter. We had our daughter pretty young and as we were still figuring out what we wanted in life and how to get there. DH always had a timeline planned for things, but like most things, those plans changed.

Our fights are almost always the same: me feeling tiny and yelling to feel big so my feelings are heard and acknowledged and DH shutting down because he can't process it all at once and just wants it to be over. This has gotten better in the past year with more resolving, but still isn't 100%.

The first few years with our daughter were hard because we moved back in with my mom and stepdad so we could put money back and I'd have help with our daughter if I needed it. I felt like I was maturing and worrying about so much all at once while DH could just suck and weave so easily through things. Eventually we got our own house and there were still arguments, but definitely cruised on a high note for a while.

I found out about him lying about credit card debt his parents had accrued in his name. Then I found out about a laptop purchase he had hidden from me. Then I found out about multiple other things. And those were arguments. Not because he had gotten items, but because of the lying and hiding snd I felt betrayed. One by one I worked through them and the trust was still hard for me. I nagged a lot. I asked a lot for clarity and to make sure things were on time. It probably wasn't helpful because I didn't realize at that point that it's deeper than him wanting to, it's learned. And then by me being upset, it makes that need to hide things he wants even stronger. I don't want him to go without, but my mentality is we need to save OR it could've been used a different way.

Last year, I chose to separate. Not because I was out of love and didn't want him, but because I was tired of being put second to everything and everyone else. During this time, I slept with my best friend. I spoke to my husband prior to it happening because I knew it MIGHT happen. We had also spoken of this prior to separation and I was offered a "pass". It wasn't what I wanted like I thought. DH realized he didn't want us to be over and wanted to try again. We tried the whole Tinder thing for him so the tables were even because I didn't want resentment. He was opening up more with strangers than with me and that was a big conversation. He apologized profusely and I truly believe he didn't realize how big that was when all I want is to feel connected again. I ended up on tinder eventually too and we were "Open". He never had any luck with Tinder and I sort of did. We had lots of discussions about it and I finally told him I didn't WANT or NEED any of that. I wanted it with him but I felt left behind so I did it too. As far as I knew, we worked through all of those feelings, talked it out, etc. Everything had shifted and we were GOLDEN.

Over the years I've had many jobs here and there. Never been fired. I have a lot of health issues and get to points where I can barely function because I'm so exhausted. He's always been understanding of it but this past year, with Covid and everything else going on, it was difficult. He took a welding job before the shut down and it was rough. Mentally, physically and spiritually, it was so hard on him. And we'd talk about it sometimes but I never knew how to help.

DH and our daughter got Covid in November. At the end of their quarantine, we took a joyride after going to Sonic and ended up in a 3 car accident and we rolled our truck. It was totaled and lucky DH and my daughter were fine, I was okay too but pretty beat up for a bit. Then we found out MIL had cancelled our insurance due to a fight she and DH had. We owed $26k on the truck still and (at fault party's) insurance still hasn't fully reimbursed us.

In March, DH started having panic attacks about work. Mandatory OT was supposed to end months ago and never did. So 54+ hour work weeks doing physical labor, having no time to yourself, etc wears you down. I got a text saying he didn't want to be married anymore, didn't want to fight about it, but he hadn't made the car payment or went to work. We had no money. Rent was due. It came crashing down. And my mind went to worry, not anger. I was confused. We sat and talked and agreed therapy needed to be started as a couple and solo. We'd keep working on our own until then.

We lost our rent house. DH messaged our landlord when we got the last stimulus and never returned her texts so she gave us an eviction notice. 3 years to the day of us moving in. We had 11 days to move out which was ass. We moved back to my moms which neither of us wanted to do. (DH and my stepfather have a rocky relationship) DH went back to the welding job because he ended up not quitting but taking LOA.

So here we are, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a 5 year old, and us in a loft size room in my moms house. Daughter is scheduled for a tonsillectomy, comes and goes without issue luckily. He's moved around on anxiety meds then starts Celexa and changes. Subtle at first but then our friends notice too. DH starts having panic attacks again and is waking me up before work to tell me. I try to console him the best I can, we go back to sleep. He quit the job the day after our daughters surgery.

He's then stressed with being home around my stepdad without a job. Had a prospect but never heard back. The box is getting smaller and the problems are getting larger.

Our 2 year wedding anniversary rolls around and I'm sick the entire day. Like slept til 9 pm sick. He's trying to offer me solutions and I snapped. I was overwhelmed. But it doesn't make it okay. I react too big and I always have. So I apologized and explain why I reacted that way and it's just silent. All I need is a response to know I'm heard, if we're okay, if we need to touch back later. Nothing. So I say "if you can't give me a simple answer, I need you to leave" but I didn't mean forever.

He comes to his cousins apartment. Tells me the next day that he's out. He can't do the fights anymore. It's a cycle. But my question was "what have you done to break the cycle?" And I couldn't get an answer from him. I've been on meds, talked to a therapist. I've put in as much as I can alone. There's a communication barrier and it has to be broken.

He needs space. He lost himself and needs to figure out what he wants. He applied for an apartment 2 days later. Says we can still be friends and talk but right now the relationship is on hold until he's 100%. We need to be coparents. Ok. Heard. But I don't get clear answers on how I can correctly give him space. Everything is silence or "I don't know".

Right now I'm at his cousins with him and our daughter because my mom lost her mind last night then I found out today my stepdad has covid. They're both vaccinated and so am I, but our daughter isn't. I have auto immune diseases. I'm panicking because I don't know what the best course of action is. He was receptive to me coming, but since I've been here, he's barely acknowledged me. I brought it up tonight and told him if I need to go, to tell me. Told him I was confused because he mentioned playing games and then he set the Xbox up and went back to the other room. But he took that as guilting. His cousin has talked to me more today than he has. I picked him up from work and we barely spoke, but he comes in and starts having a conversation with his cousin about work stuff.

Am I wrong to feel confused? He's saying one thing but then actions don't match. I don't want to walk away when I believe these are things we can repair and build stronger with the correct tools (counseling) to communicate effectively but I feel abandoned right now and I don't feel like a person anymore. I'm trying to respect his need for space. I don't want to be here at his cousins but it's the only place we COULD go. And I know he knows that. But I can't keep riding a see saw when I just want to understand but I'm not supposed to ask.

And in no way am I trying to downplay my part. Time apart has made me realize a lot of what I need to work on and I am. But i can't take the full brunt when it's not all me.

More debt relief tips at ROF review

#debt reliew

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askcatvirgil · 7 years

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I'm getting a cat in two days. Any advice?

Yes!!! Though first of all: Congratulations!!! You are about to bring a wonderful new family member into your household and it will (hopefully) be a fulfilling and exciting decision for you AND for your kitty!

Here are a few tips and pointers for welcoming a new kitty into your home.

First of all is picking your kitty! You may have your animal already chosen, but if not, there are a few things to consider. Many people gravitate straight toward kittens, and while I completely understand the impulse, please remember adult cats need homes and make wonderful companions, and many of them are already socialized for homes (meaning they know not to scratch furniture or jump onto the kitchen table). Not all of them, mind, but many do, and adult cats, just like adult dogs, are often INCREDIBLY affectionate when brought home from shelters--I feel like they kind of know what you got them out of, at least in an immediate “I was in a tiny cage and now I’m in a house again” sense. It is a very rewarding decision.

If you are set on a kitten (which is not a bad thing; kittens are adorable and all animals deserve good homes!), here are a few things to keep in mind!

1) Kittens are babies. This means that they are going to sleep a lot, but also that they are going to want to play. A lot. Constantly. Often at night, when you want to sleep. Be patient with them; they’ll grow out of that. Usually.

2) kittens are babies. This also means they have not been socialized in the ways of proper Catting yet. They might bite or scratch harder than they mean to when playing with you. Please DO NOT punish kitty for this. HOWEVER--it IS okay to say, “OW!” loudly. Adult cats socializing their young would yowl to teach them what level of play is too rough, and you are now your kitten’s ‘adult’ influence, so that responsibility falls on you.

3) Kittens are babies. This thirdly means that they are going to get into things, destroy things, knock things off countertops, and basically wreak general havoc for awhile. They’ll also often have bizarre personal idiosyncrasies (our newest little guy likes to steal loaves of bread for some reason) which can be endlessly entertaining, but please remember they are animals, and they do not understand what you tell them, and training them out of their behaviors takes time and patience.

4) Dealing with misbehavior. When your kitty DOES destroy something (it will happen...just be ready for it) unless you catch her IN THE ACT, punishing her will do nothing. Cats (and dogs for that matter) do not understand cause and effect. “Shoving her nose in it” will not make her understand what she did wrong. It will only make her afraid of you. If you catch her in the act, you can make a loud noise to startle her away from the behavior and build a negative association about the behavior itself. An even better way to do this is to duck around the corner before you make the noise so she doesn’t think her big hairless cat friend is just being weird. Even BETTER is to use something unpleasant to make the noise--we use tin cans with a few coins and shake them a few times--and use them when your cat is engaging in negative behaviors (please bear in mind to do this sparingly as if you shake coins at your cat all the time, they’ll learn to ignore the sound, first of all, and secondly, you may be expecting too much of your cat if EVERYTHING they do upsets you).

5) Potty training. I have excellent news for you: Cats are potty trained. They know what to do. Show them where the litter box is and they’ll take it from there. Anyone who tries to “sell” you on a cat who is “litter box trained” is trying to pull a fast one. (That’s not to say there aren’t exceptions, but unlike dogs, cats pretty instinctively know where to go and how to make that smell go away afterward.)

IF your kitty has trouble, though, consider:

1) Are you keeping the box clean? Cats can be very picky about this (and who could blame them?)

2) Is there a problem with the type of litter? Try switching it out for something else.

3) Is the box accessible? A box outside in the frozen garage during the winter may not be the first place poor kitty wants to go in the morning.

4) Does your kitty feel safe where the box is? Cats are private animals, and a box in a public or well-traveled area may put them off. Give your kitty a place to poo in privacy.

Lastly and not leastly, learn to speak “cat”! There are plenty of pieces on this very blog about cat body language, but if this is your first kitty, and/or if you’ve only ever had dogs before, remember that cats speak a totally different language. Learn what their body signs mean. Watch for warning behaviors (head pressing, watery eyes, etc.) and get them treated right away if they occur. Get them to the vet for vaccinations and regular check-ups. Make sure you treat them for fleas and ticks, even if they are indoor kitties. Give them places to watch the outdoors and places high to retreat--cats love to be up high so they can survey their environment. Cat trees or catwalks or cat shelves are HUGE and your cat will LOVE them.

Mostly, though, treat your kitty with kindness and respect, and you will have a friend for life!

Feel free to send in pictures of your new friend, and to let me know if you and your kitty hit any rocky patches. I’ll do everything I can to help out if possible!

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