#also I'm not sure how much I'll be able to write on 4 hours of sleep and another afternoon in the sun

[filet-o-feelings]

If I could just make myself turn off my Frank Turner playlist I might actually manage to write something

[thatbitchery]

HOW TO SCHOOL ; A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE BY A CHAIN SCHOOLER.

Given I've been in school for 21years continuously now I'll say at this point I'm a professional in the art of schooling x studying, at least the ADHD ver. Random tips;

Go to your strengths and align with them. If you're a thinker go to the thinkings the math the Eng Lit or Lit the Calculus the classes that require for your to think. If you're a knower go to the knowings the history the Geography the Religion the Biology etc. If you're a doer go to the doings the Math the Physics the IT the Business. Go where your strengths are why suffer.

Your reputation does, in fact, proceed you. Teachers are just people and like people they are biased. School is for networking 190000× more than it is for education. And teachers are people too that can and should be networked with. If you need me to teach you how to build a reputation in school I will.

All rounders make it farthest. My formula is - one sport that does what I need it to (volleyball for cardio) and do everything in my power to be captain (I've always been). Two, a club that ticks my boxes. This has always been journalism club for me I knewww I wanted to be in journalism and communication early. Being part of the school paper (was chair in high school and editor in Uni). Leadership of student body (House captain for me. In high school. Wanted Library captain so bad but heh. Could be just being in the student council. My tip, high rank low responsibility) and take part in the most mediocre activity around (for me was Christian Council. All we did was nothing). It's the basis of- Who are you? And in life who you are is more important than what you know. Or better - what do people know you as? Keeping in mind it follows you. How people see an ex beauty queen isn't the same way they see an Ex head of student council. Also the busier you are the less time you have for all that. Alll of that. That drama thing you keep getting caught up in. + Your networks are wider so you skip the loneliness tax ie the number of things you do because you're lonely. The scrolling. The getting clingy and attached to random people that give you attention for 6 seconds. The dating people you don't even like. The over eating and over spending and- loneliness tax. We know it. Some of y'all on Tumblr rn paying it.

Always. Always. Alwaysss look your best in the most natural way possible. The world does not take kindly to unkempt women and it also doesn't want to know you pour energy into being kempt. What does this have to do with school? If you're below 25 likely you've spent 3/4 of your life in school. That's a lot of time for people to be taking jabs at your appearance or bullying you or talking hell behind your back or not coming into your space because there's no value attached to it (bc girl to girl, before you hit 25 your only value is your beauty. Again why I don't want you to date). Just make your hair and skin and nails and steam your clothes and don't look homeless it's that easy. And don't wear the eyelash extensions that look fake or the fillers or the red lips or- as natural as possible. It's school. Unless you want slaaat treatment .

Use your syllabus. I can not explain enough how much this is the way to study. Every start of semester your professor is required to release the syllabus. It has topics, subs and objectives. You see the objectives? Use those as study guides. By the end of that topic you should be able to answer the objectives if framed as questions.

Pre- during- post. You study the material pre class, on the day you'll have the class. Just go through it try answer questions. During class you listen and make side notes. After class you make the notes in writing and then go to the questions. If there are YouTube or Video or Audio explanations listen to them after making the notes and make sure you know what they're on about. DO NOT SLEEP if you know for a fact you can not recall it all. Scary hour night ver- get a pen and blank paper, offhead use objectives to write all you remember, go through the notes one more time. Thank me later.

Brown Noise White Noise- this is bs. Do what works for you there's no study noise that's standardized. I need to listen to cars and people talking noises to study some people need to listen to white noise I know someone that listens to Kpop some need no background noise so no one cares. The one rule is- IT CAN NOT BE IN A LANGUAGE YOU UNDERSTAND. The background noise CAN NOT BE IN A LANGUAGE YOU UNDERSTAND.

Niche. The niches are where it's at. Don't know what language to learn? Norwegian. How many people you know have self taught Norwegian. Exactly. If I said I speak french and someone says they speak Norwegian, automatically who sounds more disciplined and interesting? See the class that has 5 kids? Take that one for extra creds. Swimming? Deep sea diving. Stand out. Stand out.

Information retention happens in activity. Study sitting recall walking around or running or cleaning etc. The science is when you're active you need to be 10× more alert because your body id constantly scamming for threats and when you're sitting you signal to your body you're safe sooo why would it be that alert? Do your active recall on your morning jog. not yoga not activities meant for relaxing. (PS biohacking is a whole superpower and I'd teach you but I don't agree with the popular methods {when have I ever} and given my autism they probably only work for me so find your ver. Andrew Huberman is so extensive on this)

Have a signature. Sit same spot daily , have a same scent, have things that make you memorable and are associated with you. Why does it matter in school - for the exact same reason it matters everywhere, coupled by under 25 that's where you spend 3/4 of your life?

Mind the business that pays you. Stay in your lane, do your thing. Never commit to one group of friends and talk to everyone. Don't play social justice warrior matter of fact if you have to play a role move all the way over to Blair Waldorf Alison De Laurentis kind of bitchy but without being queen bee that's. Lmao. What is that. Do your thing and go home. Hang out with as many people as you can. Don't commit don't pick a side mind the business that pays you.

I'm begging you to be financially smart. Unfortunately there's no standard for this so we can work it out one on one I have all the time in the world pre August we can do it.

Boys. Stay. As. Far. Away. From. Those. I don't want you to date girls either I don't want you to date at all idc where you swing but generally I want you to know what ever a man does the women closest to him will pay for it. Even just *friends* yes be acquaintances yes hang out but NEVER let a man be a part of your identity all his problems will be yours but ×10 by associations. You see how Rihanna said 'your wife in the backseat of my car' when it's the man that messed up? that's life. THATS LIFE. Whatever a man does, the women around him will pay for it 1000×, and it's almost impossible to shake out a man's social imprint on you. Even just by vicinity. In the least literal sense of the phrase, fuck all these men.

[l0verclown]

From pressured to driven Part 2

What happens when you feel pressured to do something you never thought you'd do?

Especially if 4 serial killers are the ones pressuring you.

Slight ronin x reader

| spoilers for Killer chat!!! This is part two of "From pressured to driven". As always, my writing sucks so its probably Ooc. I have no idea if i want to continue with more parts, but hey who knows.

TW: Mention of murder, going insane, light gore, SA?(forced kissing)

PSA: I don't support neither am i trying to glorify/Normalize the words mentioned above. SA should be taken serious and it is not meant to be joked around.

Part 1:

You were walking around, searching for any "victims" to kill whilst trying not to freak out by the amount of corpses were in the alley. Damm, you knew Ronin liked going on killing sprees, but this much? If you counted every corpse you have walked past, it would be already above the 20. It didn't feel right, seeing all those unfortunate souls all on the ground, but you also couldn't help continue searching because before you know you are one going to become one of them if they find out.

*Ding!*

A notification?

Dear Reader,

I heard that you were writing a book, which is pretty interesting so my congratulations for that one.

moving on, one of our best reporters, Greg, has unfortunately resigned.

So my question to you is if you are able to make five new articles before the clock hits midnight. I expect at least two articles, but my apologies if this has come to you late, but if you are able to do it, i will try my best to reduce the amount of work you already have.

I wish you the best of luck on this.

Kind regards

Your boss.

You have to be serious. Five whole articles?

Not only did you have to make five new articles, you have to find a way to pretend that you killed a person. Not only that, it was 19:21.

19:21...

Fuck.

You have 4 hours and 30 minutes before midnight. You have to find a solution, and quick. Fuck, maybe you do want to kill someone, and with someone you mean your boss or either Greg.

Greg...

Always him, the 'best' reporter in the company. Total bullshit, he was average, a total pervert even. But the fact he resigned and that you had to chase after his bullshit!?

You felt anger raising up, adrenaline rushing through your veins, the amount of stress and anger that was mixed in your body was insufferable, that if you went to a therapist, they would either send you to a mental hospital or diagnose you with whatever mental disorder is popular.

*Ding!*

Another notification..?

@BestGregg: Hey Reader! Sorry for resigning so early and sudden but i got offered a wayy better job, and i couldn't pass up on that offer. Btw make sure to finish those assignments lol and because i'm resigning, how 'bout we meet up? I mean ur kinda chill and its gonna be fun. So what do you think?

Seriously? A meet up? Who does he think he is? My dad???

@SerialMC: Uhh..

sure i guess. Can we meet up here? *Insert Purgatory location*, i'll wait for u there, I'm here with some friends but i'm sure they don't mind.

@BestGregg: Sweet, i'll be there in 10 minutes, be prepared to have the best night of ur life ;)

Not only is he a total loser, he's a total pervert too. You continued walking, your mind just being full of total bullshit right now. First, your serial killer friends want you to kill somebody, second your stupid boss wants you to write 5 articles, and third your perverted ex-coworker wants to hangout and is going to try to hit on you.

Life's been going shit these weeks, you got hit with an inspiration block which means no more idea's for your next book. You've been trying to find out on how to tell the server that you're not actually a serial killer (What will probably never happen) and now this.

You gripped the knife that you previously found tighter, resisting the urge to even throw it. You can't kill anyone, you don't want to kill anyone, but in your state, it seemed like the only solution left.

"EYY READER, WHERE ARE YOU!?"

"I have a feeling they left"

"No way, they wouldn't leave us, their friends behind, i know them."

"Hah, So they're not as tough as they seem huh?"

"Hey! Don't say that, people like us just have our own struggles. Just let us be you edgeboy"

Fuck fuck fuck.

They were searching for you, and you haven't done anything at all, and looking at the time, that stupid greg should be somewhere here now.

How the fuck did you end up in this position!? Seriously, this would've been some fun hanging out day, but it always ends up in trouble. You just wished you could bury yourself somewhere.

"Yooo Reader it's me Greg!"

How he greeted himself scared the shit out of you, you hid the knife somewhere in your jacket, so he wouldn't notice. It was pretty dark out here, but from the looks of it and how he talked seemed like he had a bit to drink.

"Oh hey.. Greg."

"Whats up with the sad face reader? Are you not happy to see me?"

"No it's just. Work and stuff.. Gotta write 5 articles.. Ha ha.."

"Awh damn, sorry reader. Didn't know i was that important to the company, i mean, being the best reporter in the department? Hell yeah!"

He continued talking about how cool, and important he was that you didn't notice that you were basically backing up into a corner because of how much he talked.

"Ohh yeah, I think you need to confess something, reader."

"Confess.. What?"

He got closer to you, basically trapping you in that corner that you went to yourself. You said you wanted to bury yourself somewhere? Guess that place is here. He leaned into your face, you could feel his intoxicated breath, it reeked of alcohol and whatever cocktails he was drinking, but he didn't seem to go away.

"Don't act stupid, i know how you've been looking at me, you like me, don't you?"

Like. Him?

You hated that man. First, he got with all your female coworkers, he's the so-called "best reporter", he acts like a total asshole, pervert, and his looks are like the devil himself tried making the ugliest person that has ever existed. Not only that, but he has so much controversy, but of course, your boss ignores it because he was a good worker.

"I don't understand? I don't like you?

"Don't be shy, i know what you want"

Before you knew it, he slammed his lips into yours, forcefully kissing you as he held you by the waist. You yelped in disgust, tears starting to form in your eyes. You hated it, you couldn't move, you felt helpless. After he was done kissing you, he looked at you with a grin and you looked terrified.

"Look, you enjoyed that didn't ya? C'monn, i know ya want more"

"And don't worry, i won't go rough on you"

Oh.

Is this your end?

No.

It is not.

You can change

Maybe they will say you became corrupted.

But was it really, if it originated from fear?

You slowly gripped the knife you hid in your jacket, and held it tight in your hand.

"You know what i want..."

You put your free hand on his chest, he leaned in, looking like he wanted to kiss you, but before you could do that, you plunged that knife right into his chest.

He screamed, but you continued. You kept stabbing him near his heart, he tried pushing you off of himself, but you were too determined to finish him. After everything he did, all you wanted to do is never see him again.

Countless screams were forming in his throat, it sounded so god awfull, but that is why it was perfect. That's what stupid, perverted good for nothing deserve. A deep plunge in the heart. At this point, you were sure the rest could've heard the screams and were probably heading your way, but you didn't care about that. For now.

You pushed his body to the ground, before gripping two hands on the handle of the knife, and plunged even harder into his chest. You dragged the knife from his chest to his intestines, before stabbing him again for countless times. You felt anger and stress slowly leave, the crimson staining you. You felt.. Weird. You did feel guilty, yes but after all he did. He deserved it. You ripped out the knife, before hearing some voices behind you.

"Oh my, So Darlin' did end up killin someone huh? And even stabbing the intestines? How gruesome, i like that"

You turned around, hearing the voices of your friends

"Oh shit... Who that guy was, he was definitely hated by them.. Look at the stab marks holy shit, reader went batshit and im here for it"

"Oh.. My, reader, how are you feeling? I don't think that guy was some ordinary guy guys.."

"... The sight is gruesome"

You laughed, you kept laughing before finally stabbing the knife into his skull. He was finally gone.

".. That guy was my ex coworker. He kept stressing me out, making flirty moves, and.. Ended up forcefully kissing me."

Angel looked at you with a mix of reassurance and a look of "I've been there", and she slowly approached you along with Misaki. Meanwhile Misaki was a bit in denial, not because of the fact that you killed him, but because what he did to you. V was crossing his arms and shaking his head, while Ronin was heading towards the guy.

".. What you did there, reader.. I, oddly relate to it. Weird creepy perverted men hitting on you while you weren't doing anything? Killing him was a good choice, reader."

Angel was quite literally an angel. She is nice, she is understanding and she can relate to anyone. You're great full you have her as a friend.

Misaki was giving you constant back pats, trying to comfort you from that guy. You noticed that she was trying to lighten the mood.

"Hey so.. That guy was a total creep, and what you did was totally valid- I mean as a pervert, what did he expect?"

You forced a laugh out of that one, it was funny but for the sake of Misaki, you cracked a laugh so that she wouldn't suspect anything. But you know she meant good, if it was up to her, she would've killed the guy in a second.

V was looking at you and the guy, sighing before muttering out a sentence.

"You finished him, not for fun or for entertainment.. But for your safety and because of fear. Not bad at all."

His words shock you, because you didn't expect him to say that at all. You didn't really speak to him, and when you did, he was always on some "I will find out who you are" shit. Guess V is able to feel some sympathy after all.

You didn't even notice the fact that Ronin was ripping apart that guy's chest to grab his heart, you were starting to hear some weird- crack and bone breaking noises, that you couldn't help but look backwards at the body to find Ronin trying to obtain the guys heart.

Eventually, Ronin had the heart in his hand, and looked at you with a smile

"Darlin', Would ya mind giving me his aorta? And it's that ugly guy's heart, which makes it 10x better. C'monn, do it for the poor little devil."

He looked at you, with that stupid little smile from the first time you kissed, the moment you began rotting and corrupting. You laughed, and took the heart. Since Ronin started talking about the Aorta that much, you decided to google search a bit just to know where it was for a moment like this (which you never actually expected to happen)

You carefully ripped some of the other pieces of the heart, accidentally deattaching the superior vena cava and some artery, but eventually you managed to remove the aorta, and handed it to Ronin.

"To my dearest devil, the one who corrupted me."

Angel looked at Ronin with a look of "What the actual fuck ronin." and he just laughed. You smiled and He gave you a hair ruffle and put the aorta in some weird place in his bag. Gross, but hey, he can do whatever he wants.

You looked at your clothes, It was basically stained red now, but your face, hands and pants were a total mess. You sighed, before thinking of a way on how to get home without getting the police after you.

" You look like a complete fuckin mess. Not that i'm complaining, but you probably are. How 'bout i give you a ride to my house, and stay there?"

You wanted to agree, you didn't mind the idea, but you wondered about the others, what about them? It would be quite rude to leave them here.

Before you could say anything, Misaki overheard the convo and made an idea.

"YOO IS THAT A SLEEPOVER I HEAR!?"

".. I'm not really fond of sleepovers."

"Maybe we could? I mean it is the best way to end the hangout"

". Fuck no, i don't have enough space for five people. And besides, i don't think anyone can survive the devils little hideout"

"Stop being edgy for once ronin, your living room is big enough"

".. Wow, guess i have no choice do i?"

"A sleepover it is, then."

You decided to take a photo of the body, and you were planning on sending it in the server. To have some more 'evidence' that you killed someone. Would your old self be proud of you? Absolutely not, but people change. You changed by being rotten and corrupted, and you wouldn't want it any other way.

weird..

You have this odd feeling that doesn't go away

It feels like a craving.

More killing, it screams your name.

You feel like killing more people.

Their agony, your pleasure.

Time to show them what you have become.

[b1rd1ee]

This is a ficlet for a TFA Au that has been brewing in my mind for a while. I'm not sure if I'll be able to write a full-length fic about it.

Essentially, Ultra Magnus and Megatron were once lovers. The cons all lived on a large colony ship known as the Hull. It would occasionally visit Cybertron for supplies, which is how they first became familiar. When they were older, Mags promised Megs that he would be there during his darkest hour. He couldn't keep his promise when Megs needed him most.

Megs became the Hull's leader and modified it so that it could land anywhere except Cybertron.

Many years later, the Optimus team and Ultra Magnus needed to go there for something. There they discovered that Optimus has a matrix spark. Making him THE prime, the only one capable of defeating the big bad (who I have yet to figure out who). Optimus had locked himself in his room, and Megatron went to check on him, resulting in this.

—----------------------------------------

Megatron tentatively knocked on the door.

“Yo kid, are you doing okay?”

Optimus didn't answer; Megatron knocked again, but Optimus still wouldn't answer. When Megatron knocked the third time and Optimus still wouldn't answer, Megatron typed in the override code.

The door slid open to Optimus’s bedroom; the area was clean and organized, but there was no Optimus.

Megatron spun around and quickly walked down the hallway as he spoke into his communicator.

“We have a missing mech here; check all security cameras for a red and blue bot, and look for recent ENGX trails leaving the Hull.”

Reports began flooding the communicator within minutes.

"There is footage of him leaving his room around 12:34."

"We have footage of a red and blue bot heading to ship dock Z-4."

"There's an hour-old ENGX trail.”

"That idiotic kid," Megatron thought angrily to himself. "He's seriously doing this right now?"

He dashed down the winding and turning passageway to the one person he knew would be of help in this situation, regardless of how he felt about them.

He rushed to room MA-16 and quickly entered the override code. As the door slid open, he saw Ultra Magnus in his chair, reading from his pad. Magnus instantly looked up, his face filled with confusion.

"Optimus is gone."

"What?!" Magnus exclaimed as he quickly stood up from his chair, sending the pad in his servos tumbling to the ground. Ultra Magnus followed closely behind Megatron as they went to the nearest ship dock.

"He's not on the ship," Megatron stated. "That stupid kid believes that because he is the Prime, he must face everything alone, but he doesn't. Is he aware how selfish and stupid this is? He is leaving those he cares about behind. Did he ever consider their feelings?"

Ultra Magnus stared at Megatron, his face sinking as he said

"This isn't just about Optimus."

Megatron came to a halt, his breathing heavy, and turned sharply to Magnus.

"Of course, this isn't all about Optimus!" Megatron yelled angrily, "This is also about you!" Tears welling up in his eyes.

His chest heaved with each sharp breath before he continued, this time in a low voice that gradually became louder and more painful.

"Why didn't you come? Don't use the "Cybertron was in need" argument. Do you know how long I waited before realizing you weren't coming? Do you know how much pain I felt? I cried myself to sleep for such a long time. You promised to be there for me during my darkest hours. Well, guess what? That was my darkest hour. And you weren't there!"

He turned away from him, his head tilted upward as if to prevent tears from falling. "We needed you," he said quietly. His head sank as he wrapped his arms around himself, allowing tears to fall as he spoke in a hurt whisper.

"I needed you."

Magnus said nothing and reached out his hand to Megatron's shoulder. He hesitated for a moment before placing his hand on Megatron's shoulder, causing him to tense up.

He remained silent at first, then spoke in a shaky voice. "I am sorry, Megatron. There's no excuse for what I did. I left you when you needed me the most. It's one of my biggest regrets in life."

There was silence for a moment, then Megatron slowly turned to Magnus and tilted his head up at him. His face was no longer of anger but of sorrow, tears freely falling down his cheeks.

Magnus slowly pulled him into a hug.

Megtron tensed. Then he relaxed, burying his face into Magnus' shoulder and wrapping his arms around him, finally releasing years of suppressed emotions and tears.

Magnus held him, holding back his own tears. He wasn't strong for him before, but he will be now.

[feelingdozy]

I love your writing omg <3 it's MARVELOUS I'm so jealous!! could you do finnick odair flirting with a shy!gn!reader? Like he calls them cute and they just freak out and hide into their shirt or a blanket, etc etc? And he just keeps flirting until reader just covers his mouth and they make eye contact and it's a HUZZAH moment before finnick just kisses them?? sorry if this is really specific!! thank you if you fulfill this request <3

A Little Shy

Finnick Odair x Reader

Hunger Games Masterlist

Summary: you go out to town to find some supplies for fishing as it's the perfect season. You find yourself inexperienced with tridents, and someone comes along to help you find the perfect one to fit your needs.

Note: this is a super cute request and will probably take awhile to post because I want to make sure it is absolutely perfect, also thank you!! I try my best to write as nicely as possible

Warnings: mention of death and killing, slap (hand over mouth)

You had wanted to go to the market in district 4 for awhile, wanting to see what there was to offer at this time of the month. It was the prime time for fishing, so a lot of people had been stocking up.

You stayed for a few hours getting the basic supplies, making your way over to the tridents. You had never been a pro even as a district 4 victor, but had always admired people who were able to use a Trident so easily.

You looked around slowly at all they had to offer, wondering at that point if maybe you should get your own and try it out.

"that one's nice, huh?"

You jumped at the voice that came from behind you, quickly turning around. You should've recognized the voice, of course it was Finnick.

Naturally, you got shy knowing how much you admired his Trident skills as he'd won with them as the youngest in the arena. You hated the games, but loved the skills of the weapons that came with it.

"are you good at using a trident? I've never seen you use one"

He was watching you? I mean he was your mentor back then, but you were really a nobody. You thought your win was a bit sad compared to other people who had won with skill. It was the career in you talking, quickly coming back to realize the horror that came behind it all and that you were lucky to be standing here alive right now.

"not really, I'd love to learn though.."

Your voice was quiet and faded off as you glared at other ones surrounding the two of you.

"how about you come down to my house later and I'll teach you a few tricks y/n?"

You turned to him, his charming smile placed on his face as he found your eyes.

"sure"

A blush found your cheeks, a little intimidated to be taught to use a trident by the Finnick Odair. Even though you should've learned how to use a Trident in the training for the games, you focused on your hand to hand combat and nature tips and tricks then the main weapon of your district. It made you feel a little more reassured that you wouldn't die by accidentally eating the wrong type of berry.

You picked out a trident fitting to your hand, comfortable in your hold. Then it was time to start walking to the victors village that was surrounded by ocean. Their backyards went out to a beautiful beach, and then water. Constant, neverending water leaving room to do anything you aspire to.

The walk was peaceful, as usual. The weather was hotter than usual so if you were going to be in the water, why not change into a bathing suit? You quickly went home and put on a bathing suit beneath your clothing, hiding it before you got to his house.

You knocked on his door, his footsteps getting closer and your heartbeat faster. The anxiety hit as he opened the door. You just now realized his height compared to yours and how shy you were. It's the Finnick Odair. How could you not be a little scared?

"come in"

He said with the same charming smile as before, gesturing for you to sit anywhere you'd like. His place was nicely decorated, ocean themed items around you at every turn. Tridents sat on the wall, some framed and some just hung as a decoration.

He had gone to the kitchen, his back turned towards the living room. You looked at his hair that always looked amazing and you wanted to ruffle it and run your hands through it- wait. We're you actually thinking of.. no. This was Finnick Odair. Loved by the capitol, loved by the people in his district and by the other victors. He was an amazing person despite what he had gone through, most not being able to handle it all.

He brought out some cookies and sat them on the table in front of you. He sat down, the couch dipping with the new weight beside you slightly pulling you toward him, slowly sliding. Your cheeks now had a light blush again from simply being in his presence. His eyes glistened in the light of his house, his hair fluffy and his face charming and cute. You thought Finnick Odair was cute. The Finnick Odair.

He stared at you for awhile before breaking the silence.

"soo, you've never picked up a Trident before y/n?"

You nodded your head no. He sort of knew when he was training you many years ago, just a year older than you, wondering why you didn't pick up a trident. He admired your other abilities back then, knowing how to identify different leafs or berries and hand to hand combat were great abilities in general, but especially because you got put in the arena where you'd need just those skills, like it was almost fit for your win.

It's funny because you were by far the shyest tribute he had ever seen, you didn't talk much or make a fuss like many other tributes had done, but instead listened and took any and all information and tips and tricks from the past victors that only wanted to help. Why did people go out of their way to make a fuss?

Your head was turned down from his, scared to actually make eye contact with him no matter your past relationship.

"you can look at me y'know. I don't bite?"

He laughed, your head hesitantly turning upwards, scared that you'll reveal the layer of red forming on your now heat-radiating cheeks.

"no need to be nervous, y/n."

He said, and you swear he was teasing you at this point. You looked into the distance again, seeing him taking in your facial features from your peripheral vision. His eyes widened a bit before his classic smile appeared on his face that he always wore, except it seems a little more.. genuine than before.

"you're cute."

Your eyes then met with his again, and now greatly flustered in front of the man. He memorized your face in the moment, how your cheeks gained more color and your eyes widened. You couldn't even make words come out of your mouth, your heartbeat pounding too loud and mind too fuzzy to make a coherent sentence.

"huh-?!"

Was all that came out of your mouth. He slowly lifted himself up to where his arms were to the side of your face. You quickly pulled up your shirt, covering your slowly reddening face to where you might've been radiating heat, heat that he must've felt through the fabrics that layered because it was so warm.

"You're so cute. Shy hm?"

Your heartbeat pounded louder and louder within your chest as you once again admired the man who was above your sitting, now laying form. You buried yourself even deeper within your shirt before he could see even more obvious and powerful hints of red on the rest of your face.

"look at you. So red. You like me calling you cute sweetheart?"

A slap echoed in the room as you couldn't handle it anymore. You put your hand over his mouth, your heart not being able to take anymore of his flirting. You could feel his signature grin form under your hand as he put his hand on your arm. His hand slowly slid up til it reached yours, taking it and kissing the outside of your palm.

Your eyes met with his sea green. His other hand creeped onto your cheek, his head slowly getting closer to yours.

his lips collided with yours with a deep need to feel your lips for the first time. He deepened the kiss, his soft lips feeling amazing on yours. You couldn't believe your first kiss was with the Finnick Odair. Part of it because you were already in your twenties and you had never kissed anyone before, not having any partners when you were younger. But mostly because it was him.

You let him take the lead, not knowing what else to do. You let go as you had to take a breath even though you never wanted to let go of his soft lips, feeling like you had been in another world while kissing him.

"promise me you won't explode if I kiss you again?"

He laughed as you nodded, going in again for another kiss that had sucked you in, captured you.

You had just kissed Finnick Odair. Twice.

[marciaillust]

How long does it take for you to finish drawing?

I'm an artist (beginner) and i unconsciously set unrealistic goals for myself and need a reminder of how long it takes to complete a drawing, Thanks.

Hi! In the context you presented it in, that is a really interesting question, so I'll try to approach it thoroughly. I hope I won't make you roll your eyes too much.

Where to start, where to start... I guess the first thing I should say is that there is a difference between time I spend preforming the action of <drawing>, and the time I spent <working> on a particular piece. The first would be counted in hours, the second one - days. I'm a big believer in slowing things down, and giving things time - going through options, gathering research and references, taking breaks every 1h of sitting and drawing - and seeing things through until I achieve the goal I set at the beginning of the process.

The goals are usually different each time: "quick design", "character exploration", "analysis of an artist's linework and experimenting with the knowledge gained", "creating an aesthetically pleasing image", and so on and so forth. Of course I don't write these down like it's a school assignment, but knowing in the back of my head what I'm actually doing helps me manage my expectations. I also enjoy being conscious of why I create - when I was younger regardless of what I was doing I had the thought "AND IT MUST LOOK GOOD AND PRESENTABLE! BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL LOOK!" ...and I think that obsession is the cancer of creative process.

Since the goals for each picture are different, the time I'll spent on achieving each one will be different as well, because the "satisfactory results" lay in different places. For example, the Marcile sketchpage was created in one afternoon, and took approximately 3 hours. The goal was to play around with a brush that has no opacity forcing my lines to be more decisive. I did that and so it is "finished". There's nothing else I want from it.

On the other hand, the cover of Asterism took about 10 days to create, the goal of which was to make "an aesthetically pleasing cover picture taking colour inspiration from the works of (specific list of artists)". I took my time designing it so that it looks aesthetically pleasing, made sure the anatomy is "correct" (a nebulous statement when it comes to stylised humans), took my time masking, and picking colours, and shading. I wanted it to "look good" to my own eyes so if something was not working I would go back, change it, alter it, move it around... that's the wonderful thing about personal art, you can take as long as you like making something satisfactory.

The funny thing is, with what the Asterism cover actually is (a cellshaded image), it could have been done probably in 4 days by the me 4 years ago. But that person was willing to sit 8-10 hours a day to draw with no breaks, she had little social life, and treated herself as a little circus seal performing tricks so that people clap around her, and the clapping was soooo nice because it meant that people remembered her and she mattered. And it worked for her! For long 10 years! Until her arm gave out, and the reality of never being able to draw again became more tangible than ever, and it's been following her like a fog ever since for the past 4 years. The me today works about 4 hours a day and every hour I take about a 30 minute break. I also don't post half the stuff I draw. There is also another aspect that dictates the speed of creating and that is familiarity with the subject matter. The less you know something, the fast you'll draw it! But as you get to know the intricacies of the process, and see all the building blocks, it will start taking *longer* because you will start accounting for every block. But then you'll eventually get familiar with the blocks and so the time spent on a picture will go down again! The cool yet overwhelming thing about art is that, there are always hundreds of building blocks. Form, composition, ambient occlusion, saturation, hue, light balance, line form...... and those are just the *some* of the generalised *categories*. And each category will have it's own subsection of building blocks! And then those blocks will interact with each other to create completely new area of expertise! This is crazy! Marcille sketch page took me only 3 hours to create because I am already quite familiar with linework - I have drawn 3-4 comicbooks worth of linework. This also means I am familiar with believable anatomy, more or less, which got utilised in the Asterism cover - the main bulk of linework got created during a 3h livestream. So.... what's the answer.... "It's all relative" is so unsatisfactory and probably not what you looked for. But you can draw something in 3 days and kill your body over it. Or you can become an expert in a field and dish the same picture out effortlessly in 8 hours. You can also split that 8h block over multiple days bringing you back up to 3 days. You could even add a whole day of visual research which might make your picture only marginally better. And even if we calculate it in terms of raw working time, pen-to-paper, like a self-inflicted capitalist tumor, that time can fluctuate still due to personal visual library and knowledge base. If I asked Tom Fox how long it takes for him to create his sketch pages his answer would probably be downward of 30 minutes. Yet I need whole 3 hours to create something *less* anatomically correct than him. And so here we are at the end of this perhaps unnecessary essay. And all we learned is this: it depends. Dry, not nuanced tl;dr, my personal timings: single sketch - 30mins; single linework pic 1-2h; Cellshaded illust - 16h; Rendered illust: 20-25h.

[heian-era-housewife]

Hello all!

Recovery, diagnosis, and continued health journey below the break.

TLDR: Stage 4 endometriosis, still waiting on results for the heart condition, tired, sore, overall am going to be okay 👍 I do, however, hate being the owner of a uterus.

Most importantly, thanks everyone for the love, support, and well wishes! Glad to be back! It will be slow. Don't expect too much, but I do still plan to play catch up on Kinktober, even if it goes into November a little bit.

Trigger warnings: blood, mental health, mention of sex, gender identity, generally just Yuri whining 😅

I'm not sure where to begin. When I imagined writing this comeback post, pre-surgery I thought it would be all smiles and sunshine. I knew there would be pain, but I thought the worst of it would be behind me. Currently, I feel like I'm sitting toward the bottom of what may be a very long uphill struggle.

While my surgery went smoothly, the care I received around the surgery was eye opening. We waited for hours on end both before and after the surgery to get answers, to get help, to use the bathroom or be offered water.

Sometime before I woke up I had apparently been given some disposable underwear and a pad because I was bleeding pretty heavily. When I was finally able to use the restroom, I discovered that the pad had been placed cotton-side down with the adhesive side facing my body. The sticky part was still covered with the backing (thankfully), but this had caused blood to run everywhere including down my legs where I could not reach, as I was unable to bend. The only person available to help me at the time was a man whose bedside manner was less than desirable, so I just lived with the blood stains.

This was just one of many instances where it felt like I was almost being punished for having the reproductive organs that I do. And frankly, that has been my experience my entire life as someone who menstruates, who has had difficulty with menstruation, and who has had near constant pain and problems in that area.

Ultimately, I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis. I know very little about this condition and by the time I had woken up from surgery, the surgical staff had gone home. There was no one willing to answer questions and I have since been told I will need to wait two weeks until my follow up appointment to speak with the doctor and get details. Until then, I am left with my own research. From what it seems, there is no cure and very minimal that can be done for treatment of symptoms. My discharge notes make mention of heavy scarring on my ovaries from recurring cysts, which are sure to continue. The endometrial tissue can also appear on or effect other parts of the body as they had in this past instance where tissue was present around my intestines. It can grow on lungs and even the brain, though these cases are extremely rare.

It's hard not to feel discouraged right now. I thought this surgery would be a huge step forward toward feeling better, but it feels more like a tiny drop in a bucket of larger issues and possibly more surgeries and complications to come. Not only this, but I am enraged both by the absolutely abysmal healthcare system here in the U.S. but by the treatment of and complete lack of empathy for those who have vaginas, uteruses, who experience menstruation or pregnancy and any number of complications from these things. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "women's" healthcare is a JOKE, but this goes beyond women. If I, a cisgender female, am experiencing such a lack of care and empathy, I can only imagine how any person with these organs who doesn't fit the stereotypical image or definition gets treated. I hate it.

Anyhoo...

Recovery is expected to take about two weeks. No sex for six weeks (for real this time)

Still waiting on results from my heart monitor.

Wanting to tackle mental health after squaring away what I can of physical health.

Depression and anxiety is now worse than ever. Doing my best not to slither into my little hermit hole and hide from it all.

Writing helps. Drawing helps. The love and care from amazing people on this silly little site helps.

And of course, there is Hubs, who deserves a standing ovation for the incredible job he has done caring for me, advocating for me, and reminding me every day that truly good people do still exist 🩷

If you've read this far, please go get yourself a cookie or something 🍪 and thank you, truly, for being part of this little journey with me 💕

[scrubbinn]

Slime HRT 4 Months: Sunset & Sunrise

Content warning: Dark tone, Family trauma

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 I'm writing this a bit sooner than I thought. I don't actually want to write this out, but everyone keeps telling me I'll feel better if I express my feelings. To be honest to myself, I really hope that's the case, I could really use a pick-me-up. 

So I ended up talking with my family. Telling them everything. Not like I could hide it anymore, now that my hair is made of goo. I guess I can write about that first. Might be nice for a bit to just think about myself. I woke up last Sunday to find my hair a lot heavier than normal, it was already pretty gooey, with strands of hair sticking together or just kinda always being wet. It also felt a lot more rough than before, I could find split ends everywhere, everyday. That night though, the change in my body sped into overdrive. I woke up to find some of my hair giving way and sticking to my pillow. It's really weird, like those sandy soaps made of a bunch of spheres. It made it feel like I was wearing a pile of clay on my head. It also suds up super fast. Just a bit of water and my hair turns into a perm of soap bubbles. It doesn't have a smell but it gave me an idea. Plucking some lavender I was growing outside, I stuck some in my hair, after a couple hours my house flooded with the scent of that purple plant. I definitely put too much in, way too overpowering. Still, it's super cool to be able to change my scent. so now I've been looking into soap making recipes, after all, might as well take advantage of it.

But with every upside, there's a bunch of downsides too. Nothing physical of course, well besides the fact there's no way I could pass off sandy sky-blue sludge as normal hair no matter how many hats I put on, and Sundays just happen to be the day that my family likes to get together for brunch. I still haven't told them, I just couldn't. They wouldn't get it. I knew they wouldn't get it. So I made the decision to call my mother, to let her know I was feeling sick and I couldn’t make it. That's all it was supposed to be, just that. But when that phone call was about to end, when she told me she loved me I…

Everything spilled out at that point. It felt like it wasn't even me talking, I just had to sit there trapped in this wrong, wrong, wrong body as words and emotions poured out of my mouth that I didn't have a faucet to turn off. I don’t really even remember what I said, but I know what I told her, what I was doing, the pain I was going through, and the plea for forgiveness. She didn’t speak, not for a while at least. Then I heard it. The three words I didn’t want to hear, before she even spoke I could feel myself mentally barricading myself away from the inevitable blast my psyche was about to receive. “Are you sure?” 

Are you sure?? ARE YOU SURE?! What did that even mean??? Am I sure of what I’m doing? Am I sure everything will go alright? Am I sure I want to smash every mirror that gets near me? No. I knew what she was asking. It was all of them. It was every question. Are you sure it’s safe? Are you sure you can handle the harassment? Are you sure you want to hurt me and the people around you because of this? Maybe that last one isn’t fair to her. I don’t know. It felt like she said it.

I remember that night, when I told my mother I was trans. I was still living with her at that time. She asked the same question, and I told her yes. We talked for a while after that as I explained more of it to her, but when I climbed up to my bedroom, and when I looked back, her face was in her hands, and she had started to cry. She later admitted to me that she was terrified of possible persecution and the hate I’d get by simply existing. But that image was still stuck in my head, I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. I don’t expect to ever forgive it, and I could tell as I sat in my bed, holding my medication close, she had her head in her hands, holding back tears as she told me she loved me. I just apologized, I don’t know what for. I just felt like I had to. I said that I loved her, she said it again, and I hung up.

I spent the next few hours dissociating in my bed. Simply trying to stop thinking about how badly that all went. Bottling up every emotion I could get my hands on while the others I couldn’t reach in time became tears. It also turns out that goo for hair is really hard to maintain when under a lot of stress. When I came to, most of my hair had fallen onto my bed sheets. Spent way too much time scrubbing it out the scent of lavender. I don’t think I can stand that scent anymore. At least my new hair regrew quickly during my tea break. I don’t really know if writing all this helped. Maybe I’ll just have to sleep on it.

After I cleaned myself up, I spent the rest of the day ignoring my mental health. I just sat on my computer staring at a bunch of games I didn't want to play, and a bunch of videos I didn't want to watch. I sorta just stared at my monitor until I realized I had gotten around ten notifications from friends asking if I was doing alright. My girlfriend had messaged me before the phone call with my mother, and after not receiving a message for six hours, she started to get worried. She practically forced me into a voice call and wanted to make sure I was doing alright, I lied and said I was, she didn't believe me and didn't pry further. We talked for a while until I brought up the phone call on my own. Then she told me she loved me, and said she'd be there for me always. She stayed with me the entire time, as I started crying again, and she let me cry, waited patiently, and then asked if I wanted to watch some silly videos. I really did. Sometimes it's really hard to remember there's still people that do care about you. I'm sure my mother cares in her own way, even if she's not aware how much it messed me up. I don't know how things will go in the future, if there's going to be even more pain. But I think I'll be ok, at the very least there are people who can pick me up when I can't keep running, people who will slow down and walk with me. I'll be ok, I'm gonna run to see what the future holds.

Update: So, I'm not really sure how to say this. Writing about yesterday really helped me out so maybe today will help as well. I was working my shift today, construction work, and my legs suddenly gave out under me while I was carrying a heavy frame. It was like my bones just bent, and I couldn't stand up right. I basically got flattened but there weren't any serious injuries Or anything. My bones weren't broken, no bad cuts, just what's definitely going to be a lot of bruising. I got forced to take some extended medical leave. Paid of course, but I guess this means the next few months are just going to be focused on my changes while I wait around in bed. Which is good, I could use a change of pace.

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[phoenixyfriend]

Ko-fi prompt from Zarz:

Not sure if this is the type of question you're interested in, but if you are: My state has a cool energy efficiency program called Focus on Energy that sends people free LEDs and smart power strips, offers rebates for solar arrays, has discounts on smart thermostats, and runs various other programs to encourage saving energy. They advertise that the program saves over $4 for every dollar spent. Saving energy is great for the planet, but I'm curious how it also results in four-fold economic savings (and how in the world one would even begin to calculate an exact dollar amount for that).

So as a disclaimer, I have taken nearly a year to write this. It's not that the topic isn't interesting, it's just... really hard to research. But here's what I've got.

This is the sort of thing that is based on two kinds of evidence:

evidence of past cases where such a thing could be recorded and estimated

projected values based on estimates that come only from highly-controlled testing, but are only really 'in theory' so far

Solar panels are really popular right now, so we have a lot of case studies to look at. We also, at least in the US, have a pretty rigid utilities sector with near monopolistic control over pricing and access. Utilities in most places are, to my knowledge, negotiated by the local government, and then run privately.

But the first step to figuring out if a claim like you've heard up there is legitimate is to figure out what the base price of these things is.

I'll use Nassau County, New York, as an example, since it's nearby.

On average, Nassau County, NY residents spend about $245 per month on electricity. That adds up to $2,940 per year. That’s 35% higher than the national average electric bill of $2,179. The average electric rates in Nassau County, NY cost 24 ¢/kilowatt-hour (kWh), so that means that the average electricity customer in Nassau County, NY is using 1,041 kWh of electricity per month, and 12,492 kWh over the course of the year. Source: Energy Sage (link)

$245/month is our standard here for electricity on a 'standard' plan.

Let's assume we have no unexpected costs to cover in the first year, like hail damage or wildfire smoke. We just have the panels themselves and the installation costs.

This website, Solar Reviews, says the average cost after the federal tax credit is $11,500 - $14,056. Their cheapest estimate is the 4kw system, which is $9,322, but they say that the 6kw system is 'typical,' so we'll go with that, which is avg $12,778.

According to ecowatch:

On average, a 6 kW system will produce roughly 750 kilowatt-hours (kWhs) of electricity per month, or between 8,000 and 10,000 kWhs a year. (link)

New York has much less sunlight than a place like Arizona, so that's about 8,000 kWhs per year. It's about two-thirds of the amount of electricity the average resident of this county uses, meaning it covers about $2000 of electricity spending per year.

So, the average resident does not save money by installing solar panels of this size until they've had them for six years or so, and that's only if there aren't any major repairs. A resident with a really, really big expenditure and roof size, like a big box store, might see a greater return on investment since they'd be able to buy the panels themselves in bulk.

...but, that's without state or local rebate programs and the like. It might take less time for you to pay off the solar panels if you have those to rely on. That said, this Forbes article actually gives a higher estimate for using ROI to pay off the panels than I did, so it really falls into 'long term returns.'

(You can also manage to fuel an electric vehicle using just your solar panels, if you've got the money for one of those.)

[dawneternal]

what a crash looks like for me:

- sleep 7-8 hours

- wake up

- eat something

- immediately get sleepy after eating. more protein means less sleepy, but I will still get sleepy no matter what I eat.

- take ADHD meds and go back to sleep until they kick in (about an hour, hour and a half. If it's a day where I'm not taking my Adderall, I sleep longer)

- eat something again. has to be quick, like microwaving leftovers. If I'm cooking - a smoothie, quesadilla, or grilled cheese. Anything with more cooking or prep than that and I'll lose too much working time because of the recovery.

- Have 2-4 hours of working time. Must be sitting down and the less amount of times I get up the longer I'm able to work. If I'm on the couch, I can go all four hours. If I go to my studio in the basement, I get about two hours.

- Nap again. Hour, hour and a half. Resisting the nap will make my feel sick to my stomach and sometimes trigger a migraine so it's not really worth it to try to stay awake unless I have to.

- it's about 50/50 whether I can do some light work after waking up. The Adderall has really helped the evening brain fog, but it's usually too much to start a new project, work on a sketch with a difficult pose, or write. I can try, but when I look at the work after the brain fog has passed it's never my best work and I usually end up redoing it. Usually I color a sketch I've already finished, play an easy game, or work on a project I've already started like simple crochet.

- go to bed exhausted like I've worked a 10 hour shift 🙃

- I usually have to restructure my days around going out. And there are activities that I know will require a long nap afterwards no matter what. Like shopping, appointments, and sometimes showering.

- "You're so lucky that you get to stay home and nap I love napping."

I'm going to punch you in the face. I am an incredibly ambitious person and I wanted to have a career. I hoped to have children by now.

Imagine the most miserable part of covid (being home all the time, not seeing friends and family, not being able to go out without extra prep and care) and then imagine that it never ended.

That being said, I'm not really posting this because I want pity. I'm not really sure why I'm posting this I think I just needed to get it off my chest.

more info about me/cfs if you're curious:

me/cfs = myalgic encephalomyelitis/ chronic fatigue syndrome.

myalgic encephalomyelitis means inflammation of the brain and spinal cord.

often just called chronic fatigue syndrome or cfs, it is a chronic illness characterized by "extreme fatigue that can't be explained by an underlying medical condition."

cfs is sometimes called a "trashcan diagnosis" meaning that people with this set of symptoms are thrown into the same category and there is not enough research to determine an origin or treatment. Most doctors have not heard of cfs, or they will turn you away because they don't know how to treat it.

The Hallmark symptom that cfs sufferers share is PEM, or Post Exertional Malaise. In short, exertion makes us feel sick. The keyword there being exertion and not just exercise. Some with mild symptoms may be able to manage some careful exercise, but moderate sufferers usually cannot. People with severe cfs have had their baseline decline to the point that they are bed bound, some needing bed pans and feeding tubes. The goal for all of us is to try and raise our baseline or keep it from declining to this severe level.

From the small amount of research in the past, and the currently growing amount of research, the general consensus seems to be that me/cfs is a long virus, like Long Covid. Likely caused mono, or Epstein Barr Virus. It also seems likely that those with me/cfs have a lowered anaerobic threshold, and that the body doesn't produce enough oxygen for your muscles when you exert yourself. The accelerated cell death as a result of this is thought to be one of the causes of PEM. (Disclaimer, I tend to do a lot of medical research but I am absolutely not an expert or a doctor/nurse.)

The cfs community has figured out for itself that one of the few things that actually helps us to improve and heal is pacing. Which requires calculating your anaerobic threshold using a heart monitor watch like a fitbit, and then structuring your lifestyle so that you can stay under your threshold. This reduces crashes and prevents PEM, though it can mean saying no to a lot of plans and potentially being lonely and bored in order to pace correctly.

Covid and Long Covid had a silver lining for the chronically ill community in that it has encouraged a lot of research on chronic fatigue, long viruses, and many of its co-morbidities.

Because of this, and despite the salty tone of this post, I do have hope that a treatment will be uncovered in my lifetime.

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕐𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖 ℂ, ℕ, 𝕋 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ anon request: C, N, and T yandere alphabet for Mizuki?

Love your writing btw💞💞

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Yeaaaah!! So happy to see some love for Mizu! Also thank you smm <333 I'm so happy to hear it!!

I swear I enjoyed writing it smm!! I love writing yandere Mizu already!! I really hope they get more love because AAAAH the silly <3 Anyway, hopefully you'll like it just as much as I did!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ TW: unhealthy obsession, yandere love, manipulation, possessiveness, mentions of death threats

Not putting affiliation because I'm aware of how triggering this could be.

✧ Crazy = How easy do they enter crazy mode? How do they act when they are in it?

Mizuki is actually pretty calm when it comes to that. Someone needs to REALLY piss them off! And the biggest trigger would be someone bullying you to the point you can't take it anymore and are thinking of really dark thoughts. They wanted to be calm but now? They don't even care if they'll be catched!!

Sneaky death notes to your bullies become whole bullying paragraphs on internet, posting their emberassing pictures, facts, rumors, additionally spreading all the stuff mentioned around school, anything to get rid of them from your life! They'll also go into blaming them for vandalizing school just so they'll be kicked out of your school.

"They're doing what?!! Oh no no no! Just trust me it'll be alright... I'll make sure to handle them. Hm? Oh no, it's just your mind! Haha! I'm normal!"

✧ Non stop = How clingy they'll be when you're in relationship? How possessive are they? And how much free space do they give you?

Mizuki is actually very clingy partner! They don't care if you just pulled away from 4 hours cuddle session and you're late for classes, it's time to be peppered with kisses!! They're somehow always holding your hand or clinging onto your side even when you're walking! So you can say freely their affection is at it's top!

And as you maybe guessed... their possessiveness isn't any better! They're so clingy it's actually possessive. I mean... everyone could see it the moment they came to school more often just to be by your side! Whenever you go, they'll want to go with you. Obviously not to toilet and if you need some time alone, they'll understand, but if you take more than 3 hours, they'll start whining you don't love them anymore and began tired of this relationship! So you have no other choice but to come back~

"No! Don't leave!! You're cheating on me, aren't you?! You were just playing with my feelings! If not then don't go and prove it!! You know how sad just the thought made me? I'm literally about to cry..!"

✧ Type = What type of Yandere are they?

Mizuki would be the manipulator type! Because why get their hands dirty when they can just use their appearance and words to make you think they're the only one you need and to make others eliminate themselves?

They're good at acting so you won't even know it when these tears are real and when they're just trying to achieve their goal with it... But guilt trapping is definitely their favorite method~ It's so comforting to see you care so much for them after all~

"I didn't knew you're like this... I... I actually thought you liked and cared about me but... it seems I was wrong yet again... I'll never be able to have anyone, will I? I really am just bad, aren't I?"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @prsk-krow @modyuki @virtualpoison @written-by-kafka - come get your cuties lover~

[themaskstayson]

"Arise now, ye Tarnished. Ye dead, who yet live. The call of long-lost grace speaks to us all." - Narrator (Elden Ring)

"The oath you awoke with is some faded instinct. What does it even stand for?" - Narrator (Baldur's Gate 3)

Decided to combine my two favorite things (Elden Ring and Baldur's Gate 3) and bring my current tarnished, Faith, to Faerûn.

Maybe I'll write some more silly stuff than just what is below.

It'll be pretty funny to have a tarnished so ready to unalive everything on sight to have party members telling them you gotta chill.

Faith: See, I told you everyone around us will want to kill us! She pulled a branch with poison on me!

Shadowheart: Okay... You got me there, but maybe telling everyone we have Mind Flayer tadpoles in our skulls is a bad idea.

Gale would have a blast learning about the Land Between.

Gale: You're telling me your people were banished from your world and this Golden Order you were fighting for?

Faith: Yup.

Gale: And then you were brought back to the Land Between, but the very order they exiled you, just to restore order by fighting countless of enemies without rest?

Faith: I mean... My plan was to burn it all down because I became maidenless again...

Lae'zel would enjoy the tales of all the battles the tarnished been through. Maybe not so much the dragons, but knowing you can learn dragon spells might appeal to her dragon girl heart.

Lae'zel: You would hunt these dragons and kill them?!

Faith: Yeah but then I can consume their hearts and use their power! Rot was very useful against Bloody Finger Invaders.

Oh man, for the tarnished to use their own spells instead of D&D would also be so much fun. Wyll talked about how he could do all these amazing things before he got nerfed and Faith would reminisce with him.

Faith: Ah, I remember when I was able to use the flame of frenzy... I wonder if I can get that back at some point and how effective it would be against your kind.

Wyll: What did that do?

Faith: Fire of madness would spur out of my eyes and kill the tarnish with ease. A heresy spell from the three fingers but... Those invaders were so annoying.

Wyll: That's terrifying...

Faith: You just told me about opening a gateway to the darkness between stars and anyone in it would suffer unknowable horrors...

Karlach and Astarion I'm not too sure what those interactions would be like.

Astarion would do this normal thing with Faith's I honestly don't see Faith to be okay with being fed upon but I don't think Astarion would be stupid enough to trust her to not kill him. He would hit on her and it would go over her head completely.

Faith would probably want to kill Karlach and someone else would need to step in and tell Faith and Wyll that they're idiots and Karlach is clearly a tiefling. Probably Shadowheart tbh.

Faith is from my coop game with friends. They're is a Confessor (thus the name lol) and basically I just wanted to do faith based spells with some sword and shield game play since my first tarnished was a pure intelligence mage. But I might lean more into the Confessor lore build for funsies since there are 4 of us playing at a given time. I guess Faith's pronouns are they/she depending on my mood.

It only seemed right to make them a paladin in BG3. Vengeance makes sense for a tarnished trying to bring back Golden Order and Oathbreaker if I decide to to the Lorrd of the Frenzied Flame ending.

They're also a dark urge cause blood thirst and amnesia.

I poured many hours into Elden Ring and barely knew the lore, but I think it'll be a fun crossover to think and maybe write about. And I'm getting too many ideas, gonna have to go full self-indulgent with this one... And take more photos lol

[studywave]

PDF Readers: What Do You Want? What Do You Need?

Hey all! I promised a series of posts on resources that have helped me during undergrad, and I'm going to start with the basics: how to read your coursework. I'm going to tag a few people who mentioned being interested in this series, but please let me know if you'd like to be untagged!

@anyto @wocinstem @youneedtostudyives @studyblr-perhaps

Now, I'm an English major, so I can't speak on behalf of the sciences, but almost all of my course materials have been given to me in the form of PDFs. I also download almost all my research in PDF format, and when I find books for free online, they're usually PDFs. Clearly, this means I need some easy way to read and edit PDFs. Below the cut, you'll find information on how to choose a PDF reader that's right for you, as well as information on Xodo, my personal favorite reader.

What should you consider when choosing a PDF reader?

Well, first, there's cost. There are all kinds of PDF readers at all kinds of price points. Xodo, my favorite, is free. I've never used the paid version, because for my purposes, the free version is more than enough. Now, let's talk about those purposes.

As an English student, I'm mostly concerned with annotation. I want to be able to mark my documents up, highlight them, write on them, leave comments, all that good stuff. However, what I need might not be what you need. Do you need to sign a lot of documents? Do you need to build PDFs from scratch? Are you more concerned with appearance, or with functionality?

Once you've answered these questions, you'll be able to search online for reviews dealing with the specific kinds of functionality you need.

Why should you use Xodo?

Well, for starters, the free version has more than I will ever need. I can edit, I can annotate, I can sign, I can highlight. I can do pretty much anything my English major heart desires, and I can use my Apple pencil to do it (I'll make another post about ipads and Apple pencils and link it here once it's finished).

This screenshot shows a lot of my favorite parts of Xodo. I can highlight in different colors (I use green to make information on further reading stand out) and I can write (also in different colors) with my Apple pencil, all while scrolling and navigating with my hand. I don't have to constantly click back and forth between marking and scrolling like I do with some apps, and I can lay my hand on the screen without disturbing anything. This, the ability to confine the text marking to the pencil, is really important to me. I don't like to be constantly clicking around and making accidental marks.

I've also been able to read almost every PDF I've put on here without much trouble. Between the size of my ipad screen (which will be the subject of another post), the high resolution, and the ability to zoom and scroll at the same time, I can read even pretty low-quality PDFs with very little trouble.

You might also notice the little box with the "4" in it in the upper right corner. This indicates the number of tabs I have open because yes, you can have multiple tabs open in Xodo. I've had over ten tabs open at a time, some containing 300+ page documents, and I've never had lagging or glitching problems.

Here's a selection of other actions Xodo allows. I've never scanned anything to PDF using it, but if the rest of the app is anything to go by, it probably works just fine.

I've had the occasional problem with glitching (maybe once per every five hours of reading I do, if that) which usually just involves a section of the text going black and can be solved by closing and reopening the app. Closing and reopening is no problem, either, because Xodo saves your place.

All this to say, I've used Xodo for a little over a year now, and I have no complaints. I cannot recommend it highly enough, and I'm sure the paid version is even better. That's all for now. Happy reading!

[three--rings]

Okay finally able to watch 4 Minutes ep 1.

I legit didn't realize how much I missed Bible until he was on screen, omg. Also, I NEED to know. That cat…is that one of BIBLE'S CATS? I'm sure there are like, trained TV cats, but somehow I feel it likely Bible would bring his own, yanno? I need a gifset of Bible and Cat ASAP.

Eek, okay, calming down.

ETA after finishing Ep: Oh good, new show to obsess over now IWTV has finished airing. Unfollow me now, etc etc.

Also I should remember to also be excited because this is a Sammon show and I like her writing!

Oh! The Boy is Acting!! Already! (I feel like I've watched so many BL at this point without Serious A Acting that I forgot that sometimes happened.)

I also have to say I do love this premise. I love that there IS a premise, yanno? Like an unrelated-to-romance premise.

And I like that Great is starting out in a not-a-great-person place, from what we can tell. Like from the partying and hit-and-run, though I will give some allowance for outright panic.

As an aside, I used to spend hours in ER rooms doing psych assessments and I have once said the Forbidden Words: "it's quiet tonight", and nearly got jumped by a room full of nurses.

Oh good, medical shit. My personal nightmare. I'll just be, not watching any OR scenes then.

So, other guy, Tyme? He's a bit of a prick, too? Is this prick for prick? …..You know what I mean.

Girlfriend? Are we gonna be cheating?

We have an already together side couple? Why does that make me so apprehensive?

Also, wow, it's been a while since I watched Kinnporsche. I wasn't expecting, uh, so much so soon. So much skin and…yeah… Oh wait, said before the Full Ass.

Well at least we're repping condoms.

Oh….well okay then. Guess they've put us on fucking blast…so to speak.

Why do I feel like the rest of the Thai BL industry is gonna be watching this going: oh fuck, not again. Goddammit.

Whoever Korn's partner is, is PRETTY. Wait, sudden ominous cat??

Okay so 4's AND 13's. Just covering all the Superstitious Number Bases.

I was spoiled for this, from yanno, ALL THE GIFSETS that were the only reason I knew this show had aired, lol. So yeah, very interested in What It All Means. Super excited.

[theartofdreaming1]

Fanfic Tagging Game

I got tagged by the lovely @wurzelbertzwerg - thank you! 💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3? - 30

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

111,591 words (at the moment)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I'm writing for The Quarry and the Batfam fandom (primarily DickBabs and BatCat)... I have posted fics for The Flash TV series and Brooklyn 99 on AO3 in the past... plus, some other stuff that is only on my old fanfiction.net account (although I've been considering updating my old Young Justice fics, so I may post them on AO3 some day)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Um, Rush Hour, Partners, Knight in Shining Armor, Loveable Nerds and Superheroes and Thank You, Becky Cooper - except for Partners, these are all Flash fics, which is wild, because aside from Rush Hour and Loveable Nerds and Superheroes, both of which I'm still quite proud of, I don't necessarily think that my Flash fics are my best works, but okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes? I often don't know what to say in response 😅- but I appreciate every single one of them sooo much! 💕

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Okay... so this question prompted me to do some re-reading of my older fics... and honestly? Nothing on my AO3 account had an angsty ending to begin with ^^; So I had to go waaaay back, to my old ff.net account - and I think my Young Justice fic "Pain" had the angstiest ending (and even then, it's pretty moderate... even 17-year-old me was fairly mellow ;)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmmh... Maybe my Flash fic "Coming Home"? It certainly has a very warm and fuzzy ending ☺️

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not that I can recall, no...

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope; smut is not for me

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, I don't really write crossovers (only multiple fandoms that already share a universe, i.e. Batfam-comic fandom)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope - since I'm a very slow writer, I wouldn't want to punish any potential co-writer of mine with that curse either...

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

To write? Hmmh... BatCat and DickBabs for sure! (Plus, LauraMax are getting there, too... I just need to give them some time to cement their position ;)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh boy, there are plenty of fics I'm worried I'll never finish... but I choose to stay optimistic enough to think that I will, someday, finish all the WIPs that I want to finish... (please, writing Gods, please help me accomplish this task!!!!)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Umm... I like to think that my writing is quite, um, pleasant? What I mean is, that it's pretty accessible (not too convoluted or complex, but also not boring) and while I sometimes write angsty/tense/sad moments, my stories generally have happy endings... And even though my writing isn't exactly groundbreaking, I still stand by all the ideas/concepts behind every story I've written so far, so... yeah...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The process of writing itself (I have to fight for every single word I commit onto the page... I swear, me and writing are engaged in the most tedious wrestling match nobody ever wants to see... ever). I get excited for a particular story, start to jot down some basic ideas, maybe even put in some research for a few points that need to get tackled beforehand - and then psyche myself out of being able to write down that dang story 😩 (Doesn't help that I have a hard time making decisions and get super intimidated when faced with all the possible directions a story could go)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Depends on the context - if we're talking about two foreigners (e.g. Germans) that are talking to each other in their native tongue and maybe don't want to be understood by the people around them (who, for the sake of this argument, are all English speakers) - then, maybe I would give it a whirl, because it would fit the idea behind the conversation (especially if it's a short exchange that people, who would be interested in learning what the Germans said, could look up via Google translate) - but, imo, this only works in very specific circumstances and for short exchanges - otherwise it can get tedious real quick... and personally, I don't like writing in German and don't feel confident enough in my Spanish skills to attempt it for that language, so writing English all the way is it for me

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Um... a quick look at my old, old fanfiction.net account tells me that my first posted fanfic was for the "Sonny With A Chance" fandom when I was 14 years old - the writing is a little... rough, for sure 😅 (although, to be fair, this was written at a point when I had only had, like, 3-4 years of proper English class... all things considered, it's not that bad)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Don't make me choose, I can't pick just one!

I very, very much love my BatCat fic "The Chase" - it just feels like pure Selina, the pacing of it is great and I think it portrays Bruce/Selina's relationship dynamic so very well (plus, it has some of my favorite sentences I've ever written in there!)

I also love Partners for being the longest, most ambitious story I've written so far (yes, despite the fact that I still need to add that epiogue!) and On the Reciprocal Attraction of Heavenly Bodies has the potential to become my best fic of them all, with the Austen-esque writing style and all the historical and literary research I plan on putting into it... I'm certainly very fond of the two chapters that already exist.

And This Is Not Over, But Just the Beginning is so fun and challenging in a different way; being a Quarry fic, with the whole werewolf element, it's darker and more angsty than anything I've written in a long time - but that's what makes it so fascinating for me to write (and read)

I'll tag @queenofbaws @thychesters @rosegardeninwinter @icequeen-07 @clearbluewaters and @mollywog - only if they want to, of course! :)

[dynamic-k]

I am so sorry for not updating much aside from the Guessing Game (which is super easy even on zero coffee).

I have been tired and busy and trying to finish assignments, and as a result, writing got pushed to the back burner for a bit.

Stay tuned and thank you for your patience!

I sure hope you all don't end up like:

XD [meme by Xyna]

Anyways, as far as a specific date is concerned for when chapter 4 of Arc Two will be out... uhmmm, I have no idea.

I'm almost done with it, yes, but there's a conversation scene I'm trying to nail just right and it isn't cooperating. XD

I'll get it soon, fret not.

Small Hollowhead chapter 5 is the closest to being finished out of every other fic I have been focusing on. If I'm lucky with my time today, I may even be able to wrap that up and post within the next few hours, but no promises.

I have also re-picked up my beloved Red Menace series. Whoops. I left that one on the floor for a bit. 😅

And Second's Tale may be a little while too. I am trying to take my time with that one since I still have no solid plan for the final chapter. And with how close I am to the end, l really wanna get it right! Maybe even better than how I ended Super Sticks - Arc One, if that's even possible.

All in all, I thought I may as well update so everyone isn't wondering if I'm dead or abandoning ship.

I WOULD NEVER ABANDON SHIP. WRITING IS MAH LIFE, GUYS.

Also, I got like this finance book I was supposed to read back in November of 2023, and I still haven't and the book report rough draft for that book I haven't read... is due tomorrow. And the final draft is due the 28th...

DBSJBWJDJW

I'm procrastinating on a writing assignment. Who knew...

Why can't my writing assignment be little baby Second instead of three things I learned about this financing budget book?

I know this is important, but it's boring important!!

halp