#also I'm not sure how much I'll be able to write on 4 hours of sleep and another afternoon in the sun

[filet-o-feelings]

If I could just make myself turn off my Frank Turner playlist I might actually manage to write something

[feelingdozy]

I love your writing omg <3 it's MARVELOUS I'm so jealous!! could you do finnick odair flirting with a shy!gn!reader? Like he calls them cute and they just freak out and hide into their shirt or a blanket, etc etc? And he just keeps flirting until reader just covers his mouth and they make eye contact and it's a HUZZAH moment before finnick just kisses them?? sorry if this is really specific!! thank you if you fulfill this request <3

A Little Shy

Finnick Odair x Reader

Hunger Games Masterlist

Summary: you go out to town to find some supplies for fishing as it's the perfect season. You find yourself inexperienced with tridents, and someone comes along to help you find the perfect one to fit your needs.

Note: this is a super cute request and will probably take awhile to post because I want to make sure it is absolutely perfect, also thank you!! I try my best to write as nicely as possible

Warnings: mention of death and killing, slap (hand over mouth)

You had wanted to go to the market in district 4 for awhile, wanting to see what there was to offer at this time of the month. It was the prime time for fishing, so a lot of people had been stocking up.

You stayed for a few hours getting the basic supplies, making your way over to the tridents. You had never been a pro even as a district 4 victor, but had always admired people who were able to use a Trident so easily.

You looked around slowly at all they had to offer, wondering at that point if maybe you should get your own and try it out.

"that one's nice, huh?"

You jumped at the voice that came from behind you, quickly turning around. You should've recognized the voice, of course it was Finnick.

Naturally, you got shy knowing how much you admired his Trident skills as he'd won with them as the youngest in the arena. You hated the games, but loved the skills of the weapons that came with it.

"are you good at using a trident? I've never seen you use one"

He was watching you? I mean he was your mentor back then, but you were really a nobody. You thought your win was a bit sad compared to other people who had won with skill. It was the career in you talking, quickly coming back to realize the horror that came behind it all and that you were lucky to be standing here alive right now.

"not really, I'd love to learn though.."

Your voice was quiet and faded off as you glared at other ones surrounding the two of you.

"how about you come down to my house later and I'll teach you a few tricks y/n?"

You turned to him, his charming smile placed on his face as he found your eyes.

"sure"

A blush found your cheeks, a little intimidated to be taught to use a trident by the Finnick Odair. Even though you should've learned how to use a Trident in the training for the games, you focused on your hand to hand combat and nature tips and tricks then the main weapon of your district. It made you feel a little more reassured that you wouldn't die by accidentally eating the wrong type of berry.

You picked out a trident fitting to your hand, comfortable in your hold. Then it was time to start walking to the victors village that was surrounded by ocean. Their backyards went out to a beautiful beach, and then water. Constant, neverending water leaving room to do anything you aspire to.

The walk was peaceful, as usual. The weather was hotter than usual so if you were going to be in the water, why not change into a bathing suit? You quickly went home and put on a bathing suit beneath your clothing, hiding it before you got to his house.

You knocked on his door, his footsteps getting closer and your heartbeat faster. The anxiety hit as he opened the door. You just now realized his height compared to yours and how shy you were. It's the Finnick Odair. How could you not be a little scared?

"come in"

He said with the same charming smile as before, gesturing for you to sit anywhere you'd like. His place was nicely decorated, ocean themed items around you at every turn. Tridents sat on the wall, some framed and some just hung as a decoration.

He had gone to the kitchen, his back turned towards the living room. You looked at his hair that always looked amazing and you wanted to ruffle it and run your hands through it- wait. We're you actually thinking of.. no. This was Finnick Odair. Loved by the capitol, loved by the people in his district and by the other victors. He was an amazing person despite what he had gone through, most not being able to handle it all.

He brought out some cookies and sat them on the table in front of you. He sat down, the couch dipping with the new weight beside you slightly pulling you toward him, slowly sliding. Your cheeks now had a light blush again from simply being in his presence. His eyes glistened in the light of his house, his hair fluffy and his face charming and cute. You thought Finnick Odair was cute. The Finnick Odair.

He stared at you for awhile before breaking the silence.

"soo, you've never picked up a Trident before y/n?"

You nodded your head no. He sort of knew when he was training you many years ago, just a year older than you, wondering why you didn't pick up a trident. He admired your other abilities back then, knowing how to identify different leafs or berries and hand to hand combat were great abilities in general, but especially because you got put in the arena where you'd need just those skills, like it was almost fit for your win.

It's funny because you were by far the shyest tribute he had ever seen, you didn't talk much or make a fuss like many other tributes had done, but instead listened and took any and all information and tips and tricks from the past victors that only wanted to help. Why did people go out of their way to make a fuss?

Your head was turned down from his, scared to actually make eye contact with him no matter your past relationship.

"you can look at me y'know. I don't bite?"

He laughed, your head hesitantly turning upwards, scared that you'll reveal the layer of red forming on your now heat-radiating cheeks.

"no need to be nervous, y/n."

He said, and you swear he was teasing you at this point. You looked into the distance again, seeing him taking in your facial features from your peripheral vision. His eyes widened a bit before his classic smile appeared on his face that he always wore, except it seems a little more.. genuine than before.

"you're cute."

Your eyes then met with his again, and now greatly flustered in front of the man. He memorized your face in the moment, how your cheeks gained more color and your eyes widened. You couldn't even make words come out of your mouth, your heartbeat pounding too loud and mind too fuzzy to make a coherent sentence.

"huh-?!"

Was all that came out of your mouth. He slowly lifted himself up to where his arms were to the side of your face. You quickly pulled up your shirt, covering your slowly reddening face to where you might've been radiating heat, heat that he must've felt through the fabrics that layered because it was so warm.

"You're so cute. Shy hm?"

Your heartbeat pounded louder and louder within your chest as you once again admired the man who was above your sitting, now laying form. You buried yourself even deeper within your shirt before he could see even more obvious and powerful hints of red on the rest of your face.

"look at you. So red. You like me calling you cute sweetheart?"

A slap echoed in the room as you couldn't handle it anymore. You put your hand over his mouth, your heart not being able to take anymore of his flirting. You could feel his signature grin form under your hand as he put his hand on your arm. His hand slowly slid up til it reached yours, taking it and kissing the outside of your palm.

Your eyes met with his sea green. His other hand creeped onto your cheek, his head slowly getting closer to yours.

his lips collided with yours with a deep need to feel your lips for the first time. He deepened the kiss, his soft lips feeling amazing on yours. You couldn't believe your first kiss was with the Finnick Odair. Part of it because you were already in your twenties and you had never kissed anyone before, not having any partners when you were younger. But mostly because it was him.

You let him take the lead, not knowing what else to do. You let go as you had to take a breath even though you never wanted to let go of his soft lips, feeling like you had been in another world while kissing him.

"promise me you won't explode if I kiss you again?"

He laughed as you nodded, going in again for another kiss that had sucked you in, captured you.

You had just kissed Finnick Odair. Twice.

[marciaillust]

How long does it take for you to finish drawing?

I'm an artist (beginner) and i unconsciously set unrealistic goals for myself and need a reminder of how long it takes to complete a drawing, Thanks.

Hi! In the context you presented it in, that is a really interesting question, so I'll try to approach it thoroughly. I hope I won't make you roll your eyes too much.

Where to start, where to start... I guess the first thing I should say is that there is a difference between time I spend preforming the action of <drawing>, and the time I spent <working> on a particular piece. The first would be counted in hours, the second one - days. I'm a big believer in slowing things down, and giving things time - going through options, gathering research and references, taking breaks every 1h of sitting and drawing - and seeing things through until I achieve the goal I set at the beginning of the process.

The goals are usually different each time: "quick design", "character exploration", "analysis of an artist's linework and experimenting with the knowledge gained", "creating an aesthetically pleasing image", and so on and so forth. Of course I don't write these down like it's a school assignment, but knowing in the back of my head what I'm actually doing helps me manage my expectations. I also enjoy being conscious of why I create - when I was younger regardless of what I was doing I had the thought "AND IT MUST LOOK GOOD AND PRESENTABLE! BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL LOOK!" ...and I think that obsession is the cancer of creative process.

Since the goals for each picture are different, the time I'll spent on achieving each one will be different as well, because the "satisfactory results" lay in different places. For example, the Marcile sketchpage was created in one afternoon, and took approximately 3 hours. The goal was to play around with a brush that has no opacity forcing my lines to be more decisive. I did that and so it is "finished". There's nothing else I want from it.

On the other hand, the cover of Asterism took about 10 days to create, the goal of which was to make "an aesthetically pleasing cover picture taking colour inspiration from the works of (specific list of artists)". I took my time designing it so that it looks aesthetically pleasing, made sure the anatomy is "correct" (a nebulous statement when it comes to stylised humans), took my time masking, and picking colours, and shading. I wanted it to "look good" to my own eyes so if something was not working I would go back, change it, alter it, move it around... that's the wonderful thing about personal art, you can take as long as you like making something satisfactory.

The funny thing is, with what the Asterism cover actually is (a cellshaded image), it could have been done probably in 4 days by the me 4 years ago. But that person was willing to sit 8-10 hours a day to draw with no breaks, she had little social life, and treated herself as a little circus seal performing tricks so that people clap around her, and the clapping was soooo nice because it meant that people remembered her and she mattered. And it worked for her! For long 10 years! Until her arm gave out, and the reality of never being able to draw again became more tangible than ever, and it's been following her like a fog ever since for the past 4 years. The me today works about 4 hours a day and every hour I take about a 30 minute break. I also don't post half the stuff I draw. There is also another aspect that dictates the speed of creating and that is familiarity with the subject matter. The less you know something, the fast you'll draw it! But as you get to know the intricacies of the process, and see all the building blocks, it will start taking *longer* because you will start accounting for every block. But then you'll eventually get familiar with the blocks and so the time spent on a picture will go down again! The cool yet overwhelming thing about art is that, there are always hundreds of building blocks. Form, composition, ambient occlusion, saturation, hue, light balance, line form...... and those are just the *some* of the generalised *categories*. And each category will have it's own subsection of building blocks! And then those blocks will interact with each other to create completely new area of expertise! This is crazy! Marcille sketch page took me only 3 hours to create because I am already quite familiar with linework - I have drawn 3-4 comicbooks worth of linework. This also means I am familiar with believable anatomy, more or less, which got utilised in the Asterism cover - the main bulk of linework got created during a 3h livestream. So.... what's the answer.... "It's all relative" is so unsatisfactory and probably not what you looked for. But you can draw something in 3 days and kill your body over it. Or you can become an expert in a field and dish the same picture out effortlessly in 8 hours. You can also split that 8h block over multiple days bringing you back up to 3 days. You could even add a whole day of visual research which might make your picture only marginally better. And even if we calculate it in terms of raw working time, pen-to-paper, like a self-inflicted capitalist tumor, that time can fluctuate still due to personal visual library and knowledge base. If I asked Tom Fox how long it takes for him to create his sketch pages his answer would probably be downward of 30 minutes. Yet I need whole 3 hours to create something *less* anatomically correct than him. And so here we are at the end of this perhaps unnecessary essay. And all we learned is this: it depends. Dry, not nuanced tl;dr, my personal timings: single sketch - 30mins; single linework pic 1-2h; Cellshaded illust - 16h; Rendered illust: 20-25h.

[scrubbinn]

Slime HRT 4 Months: Sunset & Sunrise

Content warning: Dark tone, Family trauma

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 I'm writing this a bit sooner than I thought. I don't actually want to write this out, but everyone keeps telling me I'll feel better if I express my feelings. To be honest to myself, I really hope that's the case, I could really use a pick-me-up. 

So I ended up talking with my family. Telling them everything. Not like I could hide it anymore, now that my hair is made of goo. I guess I can write about that first. Might be nice for a bit to just think about myself. I woke up last Sunday to find my hair a lot heavier than normal, it was already pretty gooey, with strands of hair sticking together or just kinda always being wet. It also felt a lot more rough than before, I could find split ends everywhere, everyday. That night though, the change in my body sped into overdrive. I woke up to find some of my hair giving way and sticking to my pillow. It's really weird, like those sandy soaps made of a bunch of spheres. It made it feel like I was wearing a pile of clay on my head. It also suds up super fast. Just a bit of water and my hair turns into a perm of soap bubbles. It doesn't have a smell but it gave me an idea. Plucking some lavender I was growing outside, I stuck some in my hair, after a couple hours my house flooded with the scent of that purple plant. I definitely put too much in, way too overpowering. Still, it's super cool to be able to change my scent. so now I've been looking into soap making recipes, after all, might as well take advantage of it.

But with every upside, there's a bunch of downsides too. Nothing physical of course, well besides the fact there's no way I could pass off sandy sky-blue sludge as normal hair no matter how many hats I put on, and Sundays just happen to be the day that my family likes to get together for brunch. I still haven't told them, I just couldn't. They wouldn't get it. I knew they wouldn't get it. So I made the decision to call my mother, to let her know I was feeling sick and I couldn’t make it. That's all it was supposed to be, just that. But when that phone call was about to end, when she told me she loved me I…

Everything spilled out at that point. It felt like it wasn't even me talking, I just had to sit there trapped in this wrong, wrong, wrong body as words and emotions poured out of my mouth that I didn't have a faucet to turn off. I don’t really even remember what I said, but I know what I told her, what I was doing, the pain I was going through, and the plea for forgiveness. She didn’t speak, not for a while at least. Then I heard it. The three words I didn’t want to hear, before she even spoke I could feel myself mentally barricading myself away from the inevitable blast my psyche was about to receive. “Are you sure?” 

Are you sure?? ARE YOU SURE?! What did that even mean??? Am I sure of what I’m doing? Am I sure everything will go alright? Am I sure I want to smash every mirror that gets near me? No. I knew what she was asking. It was all of them. It was every question. Are you sure it’s safe? Are you sure you can handle the harassment? Are you sure you want to hurt me and the people around you because of this? Maybe that last one isn’t fair to her. I don’t know. It felt like she said it.

I remember that night, when I told my mother I was trans. I was still living with her at that time. She asked the same question, and I told her yes. We talked for a while after that as I explained more of it to her, but when I climbed up to my bedroom, and when I looked back, her face was in her hands, and she had started to cry. She later admitted to me that she was terrified of possible persecution and the hate I’d get by simply existing. But that image was still stuck in my head, I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. I don’t expect to ever forgive it, and I could tell as I sat in my bed, holding my medication close, she had her head in her hands, holding back tears as she told me she loved me. I just apologized, I don’t know what for. I just felt like I had to. I said that I loved her, she said it again, and I hung up.

I spent the next few hours dissociating in my bed. Simply trying to stop thinking about how badly that all went. Bottling up every emotion I could get my hands on while the others I couldn’t reach in time became tears. It also turns out that goo for hair is really hard to maintain when under a lot of stress. When I came to, most of my hair had fallen onto my bed sheets. Spent way too much time scrubbing it out the scent of lavender. I don’t think I can stand that scent anymore. At least my new hair regrew quickly during my tea break. I don’t really know if writing all this helped. Maybe I’ll just have to sleep on it.

After I cleaned myself up, I spent the rest of the day ignoring my mental health. I just sat on my computer staring at a bunch of games I didn't want to play, and a bunch of videos I didn't want to watch. I sorta just stared at my monitor until I realized I had gotten around ten notifications from friends asking if I was doing alright. My girlfriend had messaged me before the phone call with my mother, and after not receiving a message for six hours, she started to get worried. She practically forced me into a voice call and wanted to make sure I was doing alright, I lied and said I was, she didn't believe me and didn't pry further. We talked for a while until I brought up the phone call on my own. Then she told me she loved me, and said she'd be there for me always. She stayed with me the entire time, as I started crying again, and she let me cry, waited patiently, and then asked if I wanted to watch some silly videos. I really did. Sometimes it's really hard to remember there's still people that do care about you. I'm sure my mother cares in her own way, even if she's not aware how much it messed me up. I don't know how things will go in the future, if there's going to be even more pain. But I think I'll be ok, at the very least there are people who can pick me up when I can't keep running, people who will slow down and walk with me. I'll be ok, I'm gonna run to see what the future holds.

Update: So, I'm not really sure how to say this. Writing about yesterday really helped me out so maybe today will help as well. I was working my shift today, construction work, and my legs suddenly gave out under me while I was carrying a heavy frame. It was like my bones just bent, and I couldn't stand up right. I basically got flattened but there weren't any serious injuries Or anything. My bones weren't broken, no bad cuts, just what's definitely going to be a lot of bruising. I got forced to take some extended medical leave. Paid of course, but I guess this means the next few months are just going to be focused on my changes while I wait around in bed. Which is good, I could use a change of pace.

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[themaskstayson]

"Arise now, ye Tarnished. Ye dead, who yet live. The call of long-lost grace speaks to us all." - Narrator (Elden Ring)

"The oath you awoke with is some faded instinct. What does it even stand for?" - Narrator (Baldur's Gate 3)

Decided to combine my two favorite things (Elden Ring and Baldur's Gate 3) and bring my current tarnished, Faith, to Faerûn.

Maybe I'll write some more silly stuff than just what is below.

It'll be pretty funny to have a tarnished so ready to unalive everything on sight to have party members telling them you gotta chill.

Faith: See, I told you everyone around us will want to kill us! She pulled a branch with poison on me!

Shadowheart: Okay... You got me there, but maybe telling everyone we have Mind Flayer tadpoles in our skulls is a bad idea.

Gale would have a blast learning about the Land Between.

Gale: You're telling me your people were banished from your world and this Golden Order you were fighting for?

Faith: Yup.

Gale: And then you were brought back to the Land Between, but the very order they exiled you, just to restore order by fighting countless of enemies without rest?

Faith: I mean... My plan was to burn it all down because I became maidenless again...

Lae'zel would enjoy the tales of all the battles the tarnished been through. Maybe not so much the dragons, but knowing you can learn dragon spells might appeal to her dragon girl heart.

Lae'zel: You would hunt these dragons and kill them?!

Faith: Yeah but then I can consume their hearts and use their power! Rot was very useful against Bloody Finger Invaders.

Oh man, for the tarnished to use their own spells instead of D&D would also be so much fun. Wyll talked about how he could do all these amazing things before he got nerfed and Faith would reminisce with him.

Faith: Ah, I remember when I was able to use the flame of frenzy... I wonder if I can get that back at some point and how effective it would be against your kind.

Wyll: What did that do?

Faith: Fire of madness would spur out of my eyes and kill the tarnish with ease. A heresy spell from the three fingers but... Those invaders were so annoying.

Wyll: That's terrifying...

Faith: You just told me about opening a gateway to the darkness between stars and anyone in it would suffer unknowable horrors...

Karlach and Astarion I'm not too sure what those interactions would be like.

Astarion would do this normal thing with Faith's I honestly don't see Faith to be okay with being fed upon but I don't think Astarion would be stupid enough to trust her to not kill him. He would hit on her and it would go over her head completely.

Faith would probably want to kill Karlach and someone else would need to step in and tell Faith and Wyll that they're idiots and Karlach is clearly a tiefling. Probably Shadowheart tbh.

Faith is from my coop game with friends. They're is a Confessor (thus the name lol) and basically I just wanted to do faith based spells with some sword and shield game play since my first tarnished was a pure intelligence mage. But I might lean more into the Confessor lore build for funsies since there are 4 of us playing at a given time. I guess Faith's pronouns are they/she depending on my mood.

It only seemed right to make them a paladin in BG3. Vengeance makes sense for a tarnished trying to bring back Golden Order and Oathbreaker if I decide to to the Lorrd of the Frenzied Flame ending.

They're also a dark urge cause blood thirst and amnesia.

I poured many hours into Elden Ring and barely knew the lore, but I think it'll be a fun crossover to think and maybe write about. And I'm getting too many ideas, gonna have to go full self-indulgent with this one... And take more photos lol

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕐𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖 ℂ, ℕ, 𝕋 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ anon request: C, N, and T yandere alphabet for Mizuki?

Love your writing btw💞💞

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Yeaaaah!! So happy to see some love for Mizu! Also thank you smm <333 I'm so happy to hear it!!

I swear I enjoyed writing it smm!! I love writing yandere Mizu already!! I really hope they get more love because AAAAH the silly <3 Anyway, hopefully you'll like it just as much as I did!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ TW: unhealthy obsession, yandere love, manipulation, possessiveness, mentions of death threats

Not putting affiliation because I'm aware of how triggering this could be.

✧ Crazy = How easy do they enter crazy mode? How do they act when they are in it?

Mizuki is actually pretty calm when it comes to that. Someone needs to REALLY piss them off! And the biggest trigger would be someone bullying you to the point you can't take it anymore and are thinking of really dark thoughts. They wanted to be calm but now? They don't even care if they'll be catched!!

Sneaky death notes to your bullies become whole bullying paragraphs on internet, posting their emberassing pictures, facts, rumors, additionally spreading all the stuff mentioned around school, anything to get rid of them from your life! They'll also go into blaming them for vandalizing school just so they'll be kicked out of your school.

"They're doing what?!! Oh no no no! Just trust me it'll be alright... I'll make sure to handle them. Hm? Oh no, it's just your mind! Haha! I'm normal!"

✧ Non stop = How clingy they'll be when you're in relationship? How possessive are they? And how much free space do they give you?

Mizuki is actually very clingy partner! They don't care if you just pulled away from 4 hours cuddle session and you're late for classes, it's time to be peppered with kisses!! They're somehow always holding your hand or clinging onto your side even when you're walking! So you can say freely their affection is at it's top!

And as you maybe guessed... their possessiveness isn't any better! They're so clingy it's actually possessive. I mean... everyone could see it the moment they came to school more often just to be by your side! Whenever you go, they'll want to go with you. Obviously not to toilet and if you need some time alone, they'll understand, but if you take more than 3 hours, they'll start whining you don't love them anymore and began tired of this relationship! So you have no other choice but to come back~

"No! Don't leave!! You're cheating on me, aren't you?! You were just playing with my feelings! If not then don't go and prove it!! You know how sad just the thought made me? I'm literally about to cry..!"

✧ Type = What type of Yandere are they?

Mizuki would be the manipulator type! Because why get their hands dirty when they can just use their appearance and words to make you think they're the only one you need and to make others eliminate themselves?

They're good at acting so you won't even know it when these tears are real and when they're just trying to achieve their goal with it... But guilt trapping is definitely their favorite method~ It's so comforting to see you care so much for them after all~

"I didn't knew you're like this... I... I actually thought you liked and cared about me but... it seems I was wrong yet again... I'll never be able to have anyone, will I? I really am just bad, aren't I?"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot @prsk-krow @modyuki @virtualpoison @written-by-kafka - come get your cuties lover~

[turtletaubwrites]

I've got the bad brains sometimes, and I hope you don't mind. Please scroll by if you don't want to see a personal/mental health update/vent.

Medical leave is over, and I've noticed that with stress ramping up, my OCD symptoms are also flaring.

I had pretty much stopped using any form social media for the past few years because of OCD. I feel an intense pressure to make sure that every single thing I put out into the world is perfect, and won't hurt or offend anyone, to the point where I will ruminate and fixate over a single exclamation point in a text message for hours/days (and often just give up and decide to never interact again), etc.

I realized lately that since I started writing 4 months ago, I've been super afraid to read fics from my wonderful fellow writers if it involves characters I'm currently writing about because I'm terrified of accidentally stealing ideas. But now I'm feeling guilty that I haven't been as supportive and interactive as I should or want to be, and I don't know how to balance those conflicting feelings without seeming disingenuous. Plus, I'm still so terrified of stealing ideas, I'm not sure how to cope with that one yet.

I've also been feeling guilty because I've gained so many followers so quickly, and I know that it's only because I was on medical leave and hyperfixated on this, and wrote so many things so fast.

I'm trying to work through it, but unfortunately my ADHD diagnosis has prevented me from making a lot of progress since I had to drop my exposure response prevention therapy because I couldn't remember to do the things.

Not to mention the fact that the only reason I was able to start writing four months ago was because I had my first bipolar episode since being diagnosed and medicated for 3 years. The imposter syndrome monster has been growing stronger.

I'm sorry for the vent. I just really love it here. And I'm afraid with my symptoms acting up, I might get too freaked out to be seen by the world.

I'm afraid I'll get even more scared than I already am to try to make friends. I'm afraid I will question everything I write until I can't post a single thing. I'm afraid I'll disappear from here just like I have from so many other lovely places because of the weight that my brain puts on every action, every word, and every inaction, every single thing that I do that could be perceived by others.

Being here, writing, and sharing has meant so much to me, and it saved me during medical leave. Interacting with people here has been wonderful, and I wish I was comfortable enough to reach out more.

Thank you for reading this. I'm just fighting the OCD real bad right now, and I really don't want it to stop me from writing and being here with all of you.

(Posting this and not deleting it will be good ocd work. Just gotta not drive myself insane over it.)

(Come on Lynna, you've read and edited this too many times already. Just post it.)

[nohoperadio]

The date for my annual performance review at work has been set for one month from today. The review day itself is not a big source of stress, it's the management's opinion that I'm good at my job, it's a mildly awkward thing to go through but it's very unlikely to "go badly" on the day.

However!

I gotta fill out the paperwork first, which consists of seven pages, each page representing one of the abstract work virtues ("teamwork", "initiative", "customer service" etc), and for each of these I have to write 3+ concrete examples of things I did over the past year that exemplify that virtue, followed by a description of how each thing I did impacted the business, followed by explaining what lesson I took from each thing.

This is a chore that combines several things I hate hate hate and am bad bad bad at:

homework (the paperwork doesn't have to be done at home, you can schedule work time to do it and this is considered fine, but this doesn't work for me at all for reasons we'll get to in a bit), I'm not even good at structuring my free time when the only things I'm trying to fit into my schedule are nice things I enjoy doing, let alone this

bullshitting, the whole thing is premised on an abstract dreamt-up-by-HR model of how people's jobs work that bears so little relation to reality that it's basically impossible to complete the form without a lot of bullshitting. You have to take utterly mundane and routine moments from your job that don't mean anything and write them up in a way that emphasizes how brilliant and special and passionate you are; also because they ask for an absurdly large amount of examples, you find you spend a lot of time and mental effort figuring out how to reword stuff you've already written elsewhere in such a way that it's not too obvious you're repeating yourself. I am extremely averse to bullshitting to an extent that I fully acknowledge is irrational and unhealthy but I don't seem to be able to do much about it: at uni I would occasionally miss deadlines because I couldn't figure out what my actual opinions were about the thing the essay was about, and I couldn't bring myself to just write an essay endorsing a conclusion I wasn't sure about. I hope that doesn't come across as even slightly a boast, there is no virtue there, it's an extremely fucking stupid attitude to have, I knew that at the time but I couldn't seem to change it. And I'm still kind of like that unfortunately, I can write bullshit but it feels horrendous and takes a ton of will power and progress will be comically slow.

expressing positive sentiments about myself, this one's self-explanatory I think

The result of these points is that I find writing these things so emotionally draining that it often takes like literal hours of psyching myself up/calming myself down just to find the right state of mind where I can even get started, and then often that leads to like, two or three bullet points worth of progress and then I'm exhausted. If this sounds dumb to you, well, yeah. That's why I can't realistically do it during work time, what am I gonna do request a whole day's worth of time and then produce like 30 words by the end of it? I'm not doing that. On top of these setbacks resulting from my unfortunate personality, there's also the fact that my particular role is quite different from most people's in the company but I still have to fill out the same standard form as everyone else, e.g. I rarely deal directly with customers so I have to really reach to argue that stuff I'm doing counts as "customer service", there's a lot of that kind of thing.

I'm not sure if I'm really conveying what I find horrible about this very well, but basically it's: 1] a lot of work, which 2] relies on skills I am extremely weak on and 3] aggravates my weird neuroses in various ways, and all the while 4] the whole thing is manifestly pointless and dumb. That's a recipe for aaaaaaaaaaaaa. If this year goes like the previous two years, I'll spend the weeks leading up to it feeling guilty and panicky for a significant portion of every day and doing that thing where I procrastinate the productive task constantly while not being able to really enjoy the things I'm using as procrastination either; I'll make ludicrously small amounts of progress on a handful of good days, but ultimately somehow force my way through most of it all in one go just before the deadline.

Maybe it won't be like that this time. My general being-a-person competence has been improving year on year for the past several, maybe this is the year I only moderately suck at this type of task. I shall let that sentiment have the last word here, not because it's especially plausible but because it feels virtuous to do so.

(I feel like it would be unjust to write this post and fail to say: I like my job. A lot! It's nothing very glamorous, I work in a bookshop and get paid marginally more than minimum wage, but: I find the work satisfying, I virtually never have the "ugh I can't wait till I can go home" feeling, and there's a small number of people there who I like very much and who like me in return. All three of those are things I literally could not conceive of being true of any job before I started here; when I said above that my being-a-person competence has improved the past few years, my job is a huge part of that. I have more positive feelings towards my work than a lot of people ever get to experience and I feel lucky for that. But this one particular aspect of it which comes once a year always kind of ruins my life for the better part of a month and I really wish it didn't exist.)

[studywave]

PDF Readers: What Do You Want? What Do You Need?

Hey all! I promised a series of posts on resources that have helped me during undergrad, and I'm going to start with the basics: how to read your coursework. I'm going to tag a few people who mentioned being interested in this series, but please let me know if you'd like to be untagged!

@anyto @wocinstem @youneedtostudyives @studyblr-perhaps

Now, I'm an English major, so I can't speak on behalf of the sciences, but almost all of my course materials have been given to me in the form of PDFs. I also download almost all my research in PDF format, and when I find books for free online, they're usually PDFs. Clearly, this means I need some easy way to read and edit PDFs. Below the cut, you'll find information on how to choose a PDF reader that's right for you, as well as information on Xodo, my personal favorite reader.

What should you consider when choosing a PDF reader?

Well, first, there's cost. There are all kinds of PDF readers at all kinds of price points. Xodo, my favorite, is free. I've never used the paid version, because for my purposes, the free version is more than enough. Now, let's talk about those purposes.

As an English student, I'm mostly concerned with annotation. I want to be able to mark my documents up, highlight them, write on them, leave comments, all that good stuff. However, what I need might not be what you need. Do you need to sign a lot of documents? Do you need to build PDFs from scratch? Are you more concerned with appearance, or with functionality?

Once you've answered these questions, you'll be able to search online for reviews dealing with the specific kinds of functionality you need.

Why should you use Xodo?

Well, for starters, the free version has more than I will ever need. I can edit, I can annotate, I can sign, I can highlight. I can do pretty much anything my English major heart desires, and I can use my Apple pencil to do it (I'll make another post about ipads and Apple pencils and link it here once it's finished).

This screenshot shows a lot of my favorite parts of Xodo. I can highlight in different colors (I use green to make information on further reading stand out) and I can write (also in different colors) with my Apple pencil, all while scrolling and navigating with my hand. I don't have to constantly click back and forth between marking and scrolling like I do with some apps, and I can lay my hand on the screen without disturbing anything. This, the ability to confine the text marking to the pencil, is really important to me. I don't like to be constantly clicking around and making accidental marks.

I've also been able to read almost every PDF I've put on here without much trouble. Between the size of my ipad screen (which will be the subject of another post), the high resolution, and the ability to zoom and scroll at the same time, I can read even pretty low-quality PDFs with very little trouble.

You might also notice the little box with the "4" in it in the upper right corner. This indicates the number of tabs I have open because yes, you can have multiple tabs open in Xodo. I've had over ten tabs open at a time, some containing 300+ page documents, and I've never had lagging or glitching problems.

Here's a selection of other actions Xodo allows. I've never scanned anything to PDF using it, but if the rest of the app is anything to go by, it probably works just fine.

I've had the occasional problem with glitching (maybe once per every five hours of reading I do, if that) which usually just involves a section of the text going black and can be solved by closing and reopening the app. Closing and reopening is no problem, either, because Xodo saves your place.

All this to say, I've used Xodo for a little over a year now, and I have no complaints. I cannot recommend it highly enough, and I'm sure the paid version is even better. That's all for now. Happy reading!

[three--rings]

Okay finally able to watch 4 Minutes ep 1.

I legit didn't realize how much I missed Bible until he was on screen, omg. Also, I NEED to know. That cat…is that one of BIBLE'S CATS? I'm sure there are like, trained TV cats, but somehow I feel it likely Bible would bring his own, yanno? I need a gifset of Bible and Cat ASAP.

Eek, okay, calming down.

ETA after finishing Ep: Oh good, new show to obsess over now IWTV has finished airing. Unfollow me now, etc etc.

Also I should remember to also be excited because this is a Sammon show and I like her writing!

Oh! The Boy is Acting!! Already! (I feel like I've watched so many BL at this point without Serious A Acting that I forgot that sometimes happened.)

I also have to say I do love this premise. I love that there IS a premise, yanno? Like an unrelated-to-romance premise.

And I like that Great is starting out in a not-a-great-person place, from what we can tell. Like from the partying and hit-and-run, though I will give some allowance for outright panic.

As an aside, I used to spend hours in ER rooms doing psych assessments and I have once said the Forbidden Words: "it's quiet tonight", and nearly got jumped by a room full of nurses.

Oh good, medical shit. My personal nightmare. I'll just be, not watching any OR scenes then.

So, other guy, Tyme? He's a bit of a prick, too? Is this prick for prick? …..You know what I mean.

Girlfriend? Are we gonna be cheating?

We have an already together side couple? Why does that make me so apprehensive?

Also, wow, it's been a while since I watched Kinnporsche. I wasn't expecting, uh, so much so soon. So much skin and…yeah… Oh wait, said before the Full Ass.

Well at least we're repping condoms.

Oh….well okay then. Guess they've put us on fucking blast…so to speak.

Why do I feel like the rest of the Thai BL industry is gonna be watching this going: oh fuck, not again. Goddammit.

Whoever Korn's partner is, is PRETTY. Wait, sudden ominous cat??

Okay so 4's AND 13's. Just covering all the Superstitious Number Bases.

I was spoiled for this, from yanno, ALL THE GIFSETS that were the only reason I knew this show had aired, lol. So yeah, very interested in What It All Means. Super excited.

[theartofdreaming1]

Fanfic Tagging Game

I got tagged by the lovely @wurzelbertzwerg - thank you! 💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3? - 30

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

111,591 words (at the moment)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I'm writing for The Quarry and the Batfam fandom (primarily DickBabs and BatCat)... I have posted fics for The Flash TV series and Brooklyn 99 on AO3 in the past... plus, some other stuff that is only on my old fanfiction.net account (although I've been considering updating my old Young Justice fics, so I may post them on AO3 some day)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Um, Rush Hour, Partners, Knight in Shining Armor, Loveable Nerds and Superheroes and Thank You, Becky Cooper - except for Partners, these are all Flash fics, which is wild, because aside from Rush Hour and Loveable Nerds and Superheroes, both of which I'm still quite proud of, I don't necessarily think that my Flash fics are my best works, but okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes? I often don't know what to say in response 😅- but I appreciate every single one of them sooo much! 💕

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Okay... so this question prompted me to do some re-reading of my older fics... and honestly? Nothing on my AO3 account had an angsty ending to begin with ^^; So I had to go waaaay back, to my old ff.net account - and I think my Young Justice fic "Pain" had the angstiest ending (and even then, it's pretty moderate... even 17-year-old me was fairly mellow ;)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmmh... Maybe my Flash fic "Coming Home"? It certainly has a very warm and fuzzy ending ☺️

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not that I can recall, no...

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope; smut is not for me

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, I don't really write crossovers (only multiple fandoms that already share a universe, i.e. Batfam-comic fandom)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope - since I'm a very slow writer, I wouldn't want to punish any potential co-writer of mine with that curse either...

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

To write? Hmmh... BatCat and DickBabs for sure! (Plus, LauraMax are getting there, too... I just need to give them some time to cement their position ;)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh boy, there are plenty of fics I'm worried I'll never finish... but I choose to stay optimistic enough to think that I will, someday, finish all the WIPs that I want to finish... (please, writing Gods, please help me accomplish this task!!!!)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Umm... I like to think that my writing is quite, um, pleasant? What I mean is, that it's pretty accessible (not too convoluted or complex, but also not boring) and while I sometimes write angsty/tense/sad moments, my stories generally have happy endings... And even though my writing isn't exactly groundbreaking, I still stand by all the ideas/concepts behind every story I've written so far, so... yeah...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The process of writing itself (I have to fight for every single word I commit onto the page... I swear, me and writing are engaged in the most tedious wrestling match nobody ever wants to see... ever). I get excited for a particular story, start to jot down some basic ideas, maybe even put in some research for a few points that need to get tackled beforehand - and then psyche myself out of being able to write down that dang story 😩 (Doesn't help that I have a hard time making decisions and get super intimidated when faced with all the possible directions a story could go)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Depends on the context - if we're talking about two foreigners (e.g. Germans) that are talking to each other in their native tongue and maybe don't want to be understood by the people around them (who, for the sake of this argument, are all English speakers) - then, maybe I would give it a whirl, because it would fit the idea behind the conversation (especially if it's a short exchange that people, who would be interested in learning what the Germans said, could look up via Google translate) - but, imo, this only works in very specific circumstances and for short exchanges - otherwise it can get tedious real quick... and personally, I don't like writing in German and don't feel confident enough in my Spanish skills to attempt it for that language, so writing English all the way is it for me

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Um... a quick look at my old, old fanfiction.net account tells me that my first posted fanfic was for the "Sonny With A Chance" fandom when I was 14 years old - the writing is a little... rough, for sure 😅 (although, to be fair, this was written at a point when I had only had, like, 3-4 years of proper English class... all things considered, it's not that bad)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Don't make me choose, I can't pick just one!

I very, very much love my BatCat fic "The Chase" - it just feels like pure Selina, the pacing of it is great and I think it portrays Bruce/Selina's relationship dynamic so very well (plus, it has some of my favorite sentences I've ever written in there!)

I also love Partners for being the longest, most ambitious story I've written so far (yes, despite the fact that I still need to add that epiogue!) and On the Reciprocal Attraction of Heavenly Bodies has the potential to become my best fic of them all, with the Austen-esque writing style and all the historical and literary research I plan on putting into it... I'm certainly very fond of the two chapters that already exist.

And This Is Not Over, But Just the Beginning is so fun and challenging in a different way; being a Quarry fic, with the whole werewolf element, it's darker and more angsty than anything I've written in a long time - but that's what makes it so fascinating for me to write (and read)

I'll tag @queenofbaws @thychesters @rosegardeninwinter @icequeen-07 @clearbluewaters and @mollywog - only if they want to, of course! :)

[dynamic-k]

I am so sorry for not updating much aside from the Guessing Game (which is super easy even on zero coffee).

I have been tired and busy and trying to finish assignments, and as a result, writing got pushed to the back burner for a bit.

Stay tuned and thank you for your patience!

I sure hope you all don't end up like:

XD [meme by Xyna]

Anyways, as far as a specific date is concerned for when chapter 4 of Arc Two will be out... uhmmm, I have no idea.

I'm almost done with it, yes, but there's a conversation scene I'm trying to nail just right and it isn't cooperating. XD

I'll get it soon, fret not.

Small Hollowhead chapter 5 is the closest to being finished out of every other fic I have been focusing on. If I'm lucky with my time today, I may even be able to wrap that up and post within the next few hours, but no promises.

I have also re-picked up my beloved Red Menace series. Whoops. I left that one on the floor for a bit. 😅

And Second's Tale may be a little while too. I am trying to take my time with that one since I still have no solid plan for the final chapter. And with how close I am to the end, l really wanna get it right! Maybe even better than how I ended Super Sticks - Arc One, if that's even possible.

All in all, I thought I may as well update so everyone isn't wondering if I'm dead or abandoning ship.

I WOULD NEVER ABANDON SHIP. WRITING IS MAH LIFE, GUYS.

Also, I got like this finance book I was supposed to read back in November of 2023, and I still haven't and the book report rough draft for that book I haven't read... is due tomorrow. And the final draft is due the 28th...

DBSJBWJDJW

I'm procrastinating on a writing assignment. Who knew...

Why can't my writing assignment be little baby Second instead of three things I learned about this financing budget book?

I know this is important, but it's boring important!!

halp

[armeenix]

Unwanted Desires

CEO!Erwin smith x New secretary!Fem!Y/n

So I've had this series idea called unwanted Desires about CEO Erwin who owns a research business and y/n who was recently hired as his new secretary and the *unwanted Desires* that start to arise, but since I dont think I really have the motivation to write a whole long story like that I at least wanted to try and make a little short story from it! Maybe In the future I'll be able to start the full story. This short story will probably be a few posts long, maybe.

So yeah enjoy!

-----------------------------------

The last couple of months have been hectic to say the least. You've gone from a happy woman with an amazing boyfriend and job, to a woman who is hungry for revenge on both her boss and her ex boyfriend....And who is also crashing at an ex co-workers house. A little context is definitely needed.

About 4 months ago you had a simple and amazing life. You had an amazing paying job at Market research corporation, an amazing boyfriend, and a lavish apartment that you lived in with said boyfriend! You're boyfriend's name was Zeke Yeager, who also happened to be the owner of Marley corps! Now I know it seems like a bad idea to date your boss (it was) but he was just so....erm charming?

I mean sure he didn't pay you nearly as much as other companies would/should but hey he payed you in other ways. (those ways weren't too good either if you catch my drift) And sure he could be extremely controlling and toxic at times, but it was only because he cared about you so much! (You can see how delusional you were now) He was just so perfect in your mind and nothing could ever make you think otherwise....

Well I mean nothing could have ever made you think otherwise before.

"Before what?" You may be asking. Well thats a sore subject. Not for me though, just for you lol! Everything was going great until one evening when you and Zeke arrived home from work. You had gotten out of the car and began walking towards the lobby when you realized that he wasn't following behind you.

You curiously walked back to the car amd knocked on his window. "What y/n" he said in an agitated tone. "I uhm, I just wanted to see why you weren't coming inside with me?"

"Not that it's any of your business but, I'm going out."

At this point you could tell that he was losing his patience, and trust me when I say that when Zeke Yeager loses his patience it gets real messy real quick, so Instead of asking anymore questions you took a deep breath before nodding. You look back at him and gave him the best smile you could muster before speaking. "Okay..be careful baby. I'll see you when you get back."

You leaned into the window in hopes of getting a quick kiss goodbye but instead he turned his head away, before pressing play on the cars panel. His music began to loudly play as he quickly pulled out of his parking spot, leaving you standing there in shock.

"What the fuck...?"

* * *

The rest of your night was spent with you watching Netflix while eating some Chinese takeout. You tried your best to get your mind off of how Zeke had acted just a few hours ago but your thoughts just kept coming back to it.

Had you done something wrong? Or maybe it was that something had happened during one of his meetings today? Or maybe you had messed up one of the documents that he had asked you to finish that day? Not knowing was killing you! But the worst part was that zeke wasn't answering his phone. You knew for a fact that he was on his phone because everytime you sent a message he left you on fucking read!

After hours and hours of no response you gave up. If he didn't want to talk to you then he wouldn't have to. At least not until you got a proper apology. You knew that wasn't gonna happen any time soon but a woman can hope can't she? (No. No she could not.)

*Ding*

Your heart fluttered with hope as you picked up your phone only to see-

"I'm not coming home tonight."

.......

Draft: "Fuck you."

You didn't send it. Who would have thought?

End of part 1 😋

I hope you guys enjoyed this lol

[purpurussy]

literally haven't eaten anything all day (it's gone 7pm) or been outside in several days or slept more than 4 hours/night in the last week so im probably just being insane for no reason atm but

i feel like I'm at a weird sort of crossroads with this blog?

when i made this account i saw it as kind of an experiment in vulnerability and positivity. i said i'm gonna try my best to post what's in my heart and not care whether it does numbers or not. if people like it they like it, if not that's okay because i like it and i'm having fun. and i'm gonna practise some kind of general radical positivity/acceptance towards others too. like i promised myself i would not allow this to be anything other than a positive experience, a nice opportunity to express myself in a way that's disconnected from how people see me irl and maybe connect with likeminded people along the way

and once i started writing fic i literally couldn't stop, like the idea of being able to share my writing and have other people enjoy it too is so exciting and motivating to me. there is so much happening in my google docs atm and it feels so good to be writing again after years of feeling too depressed to create anything

however unfortunately i am the grumpiest most insecure person on earth and i have never let go of anything in my life. i've already been unable to stop myself from wading into discourse™ and the general social media fomo/insecurity is starting to get to me. like when did i go from just gleefully shouting into the void, to constantly checking my activity, trying to figure out the best times to post, literally crying when my stuff doesn't do as well as i wanted it to??? taking note of which posts flopped and which ones did well, so i can post more of the popular content instead of just posting what i want. none of this is even real, yet it's been bothering me in a very real way. most of which is just my brain turning it into a negative experience for fully self-imposed reasons

i do think social media is poison in general. and i know it does not work at all for someone who is very prone to having a complete menty b at the first sign of any kind of rejection. and i know a big part of the problem is that i'm attaching too much value to this blog and how people respond to my posts (I have been connecting with my friends irl more lately, but social media is literally designed to prey on the part of your brain that perceives social rejection as a threat to your existence so unfortunately it feels like this matters to me a lot more than it should. also my irls do not want to hear about dan and phil lmao)

idk if i should just accept that this is not good for me and delete, or if it's possible to once again achieve the carefree fun i was having at first. maybe if i can work on my irl issues i'll start to feel a bit better and then it won't bother me as much?

i'm also sort of wondering how much i should reveal about myself? like i want to feel completely free to post as much cringe/insanity/weird smut as I want. and if i was posting in a way that would be easily traceable back to my actual identity then i'd definitely be a lot more careful with what i say. but on the other hand i wanna get to know people better! it would be fun to hop into a discord and actually have a conversation with people rather than just rambling in the tags on their posts. so i'm not really sure what to do with that either. it's kinda fun to truly exist as a completely formless entity in a way, like im literally just tumblr dot com slash purpurussy and there's something freeing about that, even if it does make me feel like i'm missing out on a chance to connect with people properly sometimes

also that idea scares me! everyone on here is genuinely so cool and wonderful and it gives me such a huge dopamime hit when someone i admire likes my stuff. so it's just scary to interact with people more because it feels like oh no they're gonna realize im actually a cantankerous little troll that lives under a bridge and is a nightmare to talk to lmfao

this makes no sense and i'll probably delete it in a bit i just had to get it off my chest

[therentyoupay]

Hi, I was just wondering if technical difficulties is abandoned?

I hope you’re doing well!

*drops in after 5 years and 4 months with a technical difficulties chapter update*

*disappears*

cover art made by @angel-gidget ♡

03/08/23. HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, ALL, LONG LONG LONG TIME, NO SEE. ♡ Can you believe it? When I first published this story (first to tumblr, then to ao3), I had just moved to Japan! When I posted ch. 7, I was still living in Japan, and would stay there for another 7ish months... and in the 5 years and 4 months since posting the last chapter, I have moved to three different cities in the United States and started a Ph.D. program. (I am currently halfway through my PhD program!!!!!) What a wild ride. Also, we lived through the pandemic?! And I bought a house! Over the summer! The market was vicious.

So, then how did I get the inspiration/time/energy/motivation to write Ch. 8, you ask? Marvelous question. I lied down in bed last night to go to sleep "early" and ended up reading an utterly hilarious play-by-play commentary on Bad Books, Good Times of a popular fantasy novel series—and I'm not quite sure what it was about "poorly written books explained by hilariously clever book lovers" but I suddenly had a craving for fanfiction, so I opened up my Books app on my phone, and my eyes fell upon a sudden recommendation for my downloaded copy of technical difficulties. And I thought, "Am I suddenly and weirdly in the mood to jot down some notes to start Ch. 7 right now? By golly, I think I am."

4.5 hours later, I'd written the whole damn thing from scratch on my phone in my Notes app. (Messily! Half-assed! But I wrote all of it down!) I then spent another 6.5 hours today filling in the gaps and "editing." This chapter (and the one that will follow it) has been in my head for more than half a decade, but I just haven't had the space to get it out until now!!

I think one of the most beautiful parts of getting a PhD is how completely it blows your perfectionism tendencies utterly to bits, and one of the really interesting byproducts that has come up in my acdemic writing is just how quickly I can crank out decent-enough writing (skill-building!!). In my case, I think so much of it has to do with just being able to word vomit fairly well while not trying to fix anything until the whole damn thing is basically done. So, I applied that knowledge here! Behold!

This isn't to say that I'll be writing the final chapter anytime soon—I may be on spring break right now and may have had a stroke of Writing Inspiration in the Wild™ last night, but I'm still finishing my last semester of classes and learning advanced Python and working on my milestone paper for my doctoral program and preparing to present at my next conference in June and preparing my proposal for my dissertation next fall. BUT! The important thing is that I will post the last chapter of this story (and all my other stories)! Eventually!! ;)

No BETA for this chapter because I gotta THROW this out onto the internet and get back to coding, so bear with! I may do minor edits for it in the near or distant future. Also, please note that I have not watched any episodes of Miraculous Ladybug after the finale of Season 1, so this fic is very much a ~time capsule~ from the past. If there is any additional lore that might otherwise apply to the plot of this fic, please know that I don't know about it, and I am keeping myself selectively ignorant on all matters of Miraculous Ladybug season 2 and beyond until after I finish this story the way I originally intended. ♡ Woo!

as for, tumblr, sadly, to be honest, I'm never really online anymore! I'll respond to comments here on ao3 ASAP, though. ♡ LOVE YOU ALL, THANK YOU. ♡♡♡

[anewp0tat0]

hey so who are your favourite characters in black butler? like a top ten or something

heyyyy thanks for asking! sure, always nice to cover the basics. ofc this will probably not be surprising to anyone who's heard me rant for a while now, but I'll explain it anyway.

top 3 first:

1. Ciel: an atrocious guy with very little social personality, and one of the best written protagonists I've personally read. I'm just really into digging through this guy's brain, and when he isn't destroying people he's doing things that end up being funny.

2. Sebastian: another well written protagonist, despite the fact that we know absolutely nothing about him other than the fact that his personality is "cats, I'm better than everyone, except for agni maybe". I remember in my first year in the fandom a friend and I had a like 2 hour long text conversation about how much we hated and loved Sebastian. terrible guy, couldn't have the series without him, leaves a lot to think about.

3. Grelle: she's just as if not more atrocious than the last 2 cause she made these awful decisions herself, but that doesn't stop me from respecting her work ethic and just thinking she's awesome in general. and aside from how cool she looks, I think her inner thoughts and relationships with her coworkers is so curious, there is a lot to explore here. compelling character for me.

and following:

4. Elizabeth: she's one of the purest characters out there and she is so complex. a good amount of people hate her or just find her annoying for whatever reason, but I think the trend here is that the more flawed the character is the better. she's trying so hard to please everyone. probably one of the most relatable characters in her own way.

5. Soma: the source of joy in my life, God I wish he was my friend. he and Agni are basically equal in my ranking, I think they're just the kid mentor duo, but unfortunately only one of them has the chance to keep developing... ;;;^;;;

6. Agni: "agni" was good every day of his life until the end. the only thing he did wrong was out of loyalty for Soma, Sebastian should be jealous of him cause he is all the butler that Sebastian will never be. plus he just cries sometimes and I respect that.

7. Ronald: this is such a fun guy, and yet I am capable of having long conversations about him and everything that he could have possibly been through, it has been done. his workplace dynamic is perfect. everyone needs a Ron.

8. Finny: another pure being, he's such an interesting and honestly rare character, I don't often see other people like him in media, so obviously he's interesting. he's one of the only characters in kuro who have deep trauma and yet doesn't act negatively on it, either because he's unable to comprehend it at length or because his love and positivity for all things is just stronger. also he's Ciel's big bro fr.

9. Meyrin: she's awesome, Hollywood and feminists alike wish they were able to write a strong female character like her😏 she's freakishly powerful and one of the most feminine people out there, and she deserves that after what she's been through. I will never stop supporting her, she's everyone's big sis and she's adorable.

10. Bard: proud dad to all the servants, he's the wacky beer uncle that we all wish we had. he's conservative but just give him some time cause he does care about people and what makes them happy.

hope this satisfies you and doesn't completely contradict your own list of favorites! have a good day