#also I’ve had moments of ‘a+b=c and a normal human would react this way to i must laugh here’

[ghostdata]

i either have a personality disorder or the itsm bc explaining to your therapist how even though i have low empathy and will step over corpses to get what i want i will cry at videos of humanity less bc i relate but more of an outsider looking at an animal in the zoo and being touched bc it has something you don’t have it’s beautiful but not cause i feel it and that’s why it touches me im disconnected from that

[phoebehalliwell]

I've always wondered about paige meeting a witch/darklighter hybrid? Because she is big on nurture vs nature but how would she react to someone who half of their existence is deadly to half of her? But at the same time they are both half witch?

okay but like!!!!! literally Literally we meet a fucking darklighter season 1 whose sole purpose was to knock somebody up like light magic has all these rules to follow but who’s setting the rules for dark magic? the source? the source doesn’t care oh no there are more evil babies in the world aaaa ?? it was the same thing with hecate it was the same thing with the manticore hell it was probably the same thing with cole. evil loves having lil half-mortal babies it stands to reason that the idea of an extra power boost from having a kid with say a witch (or hell even a warlock or any other mix up of the two) would only be a plus. it stands to reason that the girls should have run into So Many splits like. Especially darklighters!! given that we were literally told there’s like darklighters who specifically exist to just knock other people up (which also. girl what. boo.) i mean honestly? honestly? i don’t even think we need a hybrid just straight up someone with a mortal mother and a darklighter father like that alec/daisy situation who was raised by his mom for the majority of his life until his father found him and took him (maybe killing mom who’s 2 say) and tried raising him as a darklighter. but it’s like. you know. he was raised for the most part as a human kid and yes he had some powers teleportation and then like. instant kill. but like. those aren’t well no teleportation is but instant kill is not a fun power especially if you’re just supposed to be a normal dude!

and then i’ve talked about this before (this is where i would link the post If I Could Find It i searched for. 30-40 min. i do not know where it is. aaaaaaaaa.) i don't think darklighters are born with any innate imperative to kill whitelighters or anything, the same with demon warlocks etc. i think it's all a cultural thing like killing the most witches makes you like. idk you know popular celebrity within ur faction. like uhh u drive a whole bunch of whitelighters to suicide ur fuckin steph curry of ur darklighter clan the man can't miss. So. if we have a guy let's name the guy let's pick a name that means darkness. kieran!! okay so lil kieran was raised by mom and knows very little of his powers, and you know mom knows even less she doesn't even know his father's name. But!! mom is a future whitelighter, she's just a bit wayward at the moment, so her whitelighter cloaked her so that she can raise her son in peace n safety. but oh no!! mom's dead. and the cloaking on kieran was only an extension of mom's cloaking so now he's out in the open n here comes dad. and you know we'll say kieran's a bit of a fucked up kid nobody's perfect so like. he's never really quite fit in anywhere and he's always been terrified of his powers but when his dad offers him a people like him who understand him who can better hone his powers (we'll say he's in highschool) he's like this is lit!! and i get a crossbow! and he's always kinda taught that whitelighters are the enemy they're these abominations souls reanimated by the elders as weapons, stacked w powers, they can never move on, and they just have to behave as pawns to the elders whims. bc like. this kid was raised human he really doesn't get hunting whitelighters for like sport so his dad tries to keep him a little bit sheltered from the true nature of it all thinking that once the kid is older, once he gets the taste in his mouth he'll come around. so kieran spends ages 17 to like 23-25 underground in the underworld learning about darklighters learning about the lineage he's from but there's like. like he's a smart kid. and he knows there's something they're not telling him. so when he hears talk of two of his peers going on a hunt, he kinda tails them just to see what's what, only to see them maim a witch to kill their whitelighter, and who should their whitelighter be if not kieran's dead mom. and they leave both the witch and the whitelighter for dead bc like. kieran's mom can't heal with the poison in her veins it’s a slow working poison so they'll both be cold as the grave in 24hrs. and kieran like runs up to his mom like a) you're alive?!? b) you're a whitelighter?!!?!! and c) you know like what the fuck. because that's his Mom. she couldn't have like. told him. left him a sign. and you know like heart to heart blah blah blah and the witch is over here kinda saying like hi?? darklighter? what the fuck? and kieran's like aaaa because he can't help all he can do is like kill and the witch is like doesn't matter bring me a map and a crystal and using kieran's mom's blood scrys for the nearest whitelighter like u should be able to sense them go bring them to us and maybe i won't vanquish you, a threat kieran has literally never received, and quite frankly the terminology makes him a little bit uncomfortable.

and you know where else should the crystal land if not south bay social services, and you know kieran really doesn't know what he's looking for he's never hunted whitelighter so he was never taught to sense them but evidently it's in his power so he gives it a shot but like no. what's he even looking for? he has no idea. so instead he just runs up to this raven haired woman about his age like fuck it do you have a phone. and paige is like ??? who do you need to call who are you here for what are you here for do i need to grab you any forms and kieran's like fuck it if you go to this address you'll find to people in mortal danger. they need help. and then like. bolts. and paige is like what the fuck!!

and you know blah blah blah they manage to save the witch but they can't save the mom bc they don't know what poisoned her and it kinda makes the papers Because It's Fuckin Weird especially because the mom already died?? this woman literally must have faked her own death five years ago only to die from an unknown poison in a san francisco apartment. and then you know blah blah blah within a month or two it's revealed paige is a charmed one! a witchlighter! and then comes the reveal of darklighters and their poisoned arrows and paige is like wait. i've seen this before. and describes you know the scene with the witch and the woman and leo's like. i should name the mom. soleil. leo's like that was soleil she was a whitelighter, and piper's like wait why were you there, and paige is like i don't know there was this guy who told me to go to that address to save them and then like ran away, and piper and phoebe are like that's fuckin weird. and he approached u specifically? and paige is like yeah he pushed his way across the office to get to my cubicle. and piper phoebe are looking at leo like what does this mean what does this mean, and leo's like idk. and meanwhile kieran's trying to break from the darklighter clan but he knows he can't get out unless he's cloaked. so he goes back to try to find the witch he saved to ask her to cloak him but she says she doesn't have that power and he's like okay well who does and she's like only a whitelighter does and he's like okay could u find me one and she's like r u fucking joking. you want me to get a whitelighter here just so u can kill? and kieran's like what no i'm not i want out that's why i'm here i don’t wanna be a darklighter anymore, and the witch is like that's not a choice you have it's in your blood now the only reason i'm letting you live rn is because evidently you’re soleil’s kid she was a good woman i trusted her but i don't know you. and i don't trust you. and if you orb in here again i swear to god i will vanquish you. just so we can get you know a solid dose of light magic not trusting kieran, not based on his actions (hell even in spite of his actions) but purely based on his lineage.

so blah blah blah kieran start spending more and more time above ground and just trying to subtly distance himself from the clan which his father can sense and quite frankly like yes is concerned but is more just like. pissy because he's making him look bad, especially the fact he's gone this long without a kill it's making him look weak. so his dad's like fuck it we're going hunting together and now it's like. obviously non optional. you're gonna kill a whitelighter or you'll you know get the boot lose the only people who could possibly understand you so you know it's kieran and dad above ground and he's teaching him to sense for whitelighters teaching him what the skill is and kieran's actually picking it up quite well and honestly. honestly? he might make this kill. he can't survive alone. he doesn't even know who he is. and his powers are calling him loud and clear to a whitelighter. meanwhile paige is out on a mission with like piper and leo and immediately drops everything breaks from the pack starts running because there's that guy!! and kieran realizes that the call is coming from the raven haired girl. and that his dad is right behind her lining up the shot.

and so you know act now think later he grabs paige and they disappear into a cloud of black orbs and reemerge right behind his father and kieran calls his crossbow and shoots his father. in the shoulder. it's intentional. kieran has great aim. and he won't kill. and his dad's fuckin pissed and honestly about ready to kill the both of them when piper rounds the corner and blasts him to bits. and well. now kieran's definitely left with no family. so he says a quick apology to paige and orbs out. and piper and leo are like that one was a darklighter too!! and paige is like no no u don't get it. he just saved me. and they're like He What? why'd you follow him into this alley in the first place? and paige is like that's the guy! the guy the soleil & witch guy who told me to save them. and leo's like a darklighter working to save a witch and whitelighter? that's not right. paige i trust you i don't think you're lying but i don't think you know the whole story. he's a darklighter. they're evil. and paige is like then why did he save me? why did he save the other witch? why’d he try to save the whitelighter? and piper's like for all we know he's the one who shot her you saw his crossbow. and paige is like no this isn't right there's something we don't know here. blah blah blah they go to the original saved witch who informs them that while kieran is a darklighter he's soleil's son and paige is like !!! i knew it! he's an innocent we're meant to save him. and piper and leo are like respectfully, paige, no, that's way too dangerous. bonus round if piper's pregnant here pre- orb shield knowledge. and leo's like paige he can't help it it's nature it's just who he is. he can't be good. and paige is like why. why not. and leo's like he's half darklighter. and paige is like yeah and i'm half whitelighter. and piper's like fuckin yeah babe that's The Point he's a danger to us. and paige is like no the point is if it's all so predetermined if there's no fighting what we're born as they why was i awful. why was i a brutal cruel evil miserable child? you don't know me and you don't know the things i've done (pushing back the paige dead parent reveal for later) and it doesn't matter that i have literally angel blood i was terrible! there was nothing in my nature that held me back from that vicious side. i chose to grow. i chose to become the woman i am today and every morning i wake up and chose that it's not some predestined halo around my head it's me waking up every day and choosing to fight for the good in this and you know what i think he's part of it.

[karihighman]

in 8 seconds, the both of them could’ve been hit by bullets if not for jay’s quick thinking. but here’s the thing: he only cared about protecting hailey.

he yelled for her to “get down, get down!” then proceeded to pull her down to the ground (or kind of push her down with him) and tucked her head into his chest so her face would be protected from the shrapnel. he then reached up (while the bullets were flying through their surveillance van) and grabbed a bulletproof vest to put on her side and back that were exposed to the bullets still. that way the vital parts of her body were safe from harm too. lastly, he wrapped his arms around her, almost acting like a human shield (& probably to keep the vest from slipping) because jay ONLY cared about keeping hailey safe.

he didn’t give one second of thought to himself, he just sprang into action. i mean, sure, was it probably all that training in the rangers coming back like muscle memory? maybe so. but if you remember, when he got hailey down to the ground, she had her gun in her hand for a moment before it got lost amongst the chaos, which meant she was ready to go out and get that SOB before they were shot at. jay, however, was only focused on her.

idk if the “hailey still holding the gun” thing was just cause tracy reacted faster than jesse in jumping up from her seat, or maybe it was written in. either way it’s something to consider. i also wonder if the little “uhgh” *distressed* sound at the verrrryyyy end of the scene was scripted or if it was just a reaction from jesse at the situation being over or like if that was jay’s reaction to it happening(??) idk!! whatever the reason, it really helped sell the scene.

also i will keep saying it until forever, but jesse & tracy deserve all the awards. but especially a job well done on this scene because idk how the heck you’re just like, “okay sure lemme just pull you down while bullets fly through a van” on a normal day 😝 guess that’s why they’re actors, huh? i’ve said it before too but i’m glad they’re such good friends irl cause i’m sure that helped w/the physicality or like performing it b/c idk if they can get another van (that didn’t look like Swiss cheese after the fact😂) for another take(?) bravo to them & them only tbh i stan always💙

& that’s all for this episode of: Upstead breakdown hours starring Jesse & Tracy // gif from fangirlish

[sparkwhorunswithwolves]

“The next day Scott apologizes to Allison, who’s a little bit upset. But hey, Scott’s a werewolf, so I mean, what are you gonna do, say no?”

//

Of all the things that confused me for a long time, among the most confusing was Scott/Posey Stans’ simultaneously held beliefs that Scott McCall would be the bestest werewolf ever and yet somehow remain a toxic human disaster worthy of pity. All the things that make Scott McCall that disaster – his insecurities, his lack of empathy, his bigotry, his hypocrisy, his abusive tendencies and behavior, his possessive instincts – also make him an absolute horror as a werewolf.

How many times did Scott lash out in anger at people he professed to care about just because they didn’t do what he wanted them to do? How many times did Scott lie and conceal important information from others for his own benefit? How many times did Scott’s mother, girlfriends and friends complain about not being able to help if they don’t know? How many times did Scott charge headlong into situations with no plan whatsoever solely focused on fulfilling his own emotional needs? If it wasn’t for Stiles and Derek, Scott would have been killed off by the hunters and by Peter Hale after exposing his own kind during one of his jealous fits/dick measuring contests with Jackson in Season 1. If it wasn’t for Stiles and Derek, Scott would have hurt Allison and killed Jackson out of jealousy.

Scott knew that becoming a werewolf gave him the power to protect the people he cares about (which includes managing their image of him) and the power to force said protection on them. Teen Wolf S5A and B proved that Scott McCall will lie and manipulate and cheat and gaslight and commit premeditated murder to keep things under his control until he can’t any more; then he’ll explode, whine, throw another one of his self important temper tantrums, and attempt to blame others for his own failures. Why do you think Scott McCall’s body count is higher then the villains’?

Remember how Scott reacted when he found out that Isaac liked Allison? Isaac was a goner the moment he interacted with “HIS” woman. Scott never ever had the slightest hesitation (or any regret) about physically punishing him. Dead man walking. In fact, the only reason Scott stopped abusing Isaac in front of Melissa was because he started preying on the new girl on campus and, quoting Tyler Posey’s own words, “Kira is a good distraction for Scott.”

Perhaps that’s what Scott stans mean when they wax lyrical over how much of an incredible wolf and ‘true alpha’ Scott makes in self-insert Scott McCall Supremacist fan fiction after self insert Scott McCall Supremacist fan fiction: they admire how many innocent people Scott murders and how many abuse victims Scott maims, abuses and violates while working out his delusions of grandeur, pathological jealousy and emotional issues.

Scott McCall had that 10-episode span where he plotted/conspired with Deaton and Gerard Argent against Derek Hale and his Pack behind everyone’s back; which culminated in self proclaimed hero and ruler of Beacon Hills Scott violating Derek’s boundaries, bodily autonomy and consent and committing premeditated attempted murder just because: “He threatened my mom! I had no choice!”

And yet, the Scott McCall defense squad trolls are adamant that Scott immediately flipped an emotional control switch and resolved all his issues. Of course Scott McCall wouldn’t lash out and savagely attack the moment his friends chose to kick his whiny ass to the curb for good or suggested that Scott didn’t have the right to make their decisions for them. Nope! Ice-cold control. Clear loyalties, superior morality and leadership skills. A good, nurturing friend, boyfriend and werewolf and a true blessing to the pack. /sarcasm

While canon shows us that Scott McCall is a flop wolf (even his only beta Liam and his girlfriend Malia called him a failure to his face in Season 5), everything in canon confirms that Stiles Stilinski would make a magnificent werewolf. Born Wolf Peter Hale has always known this – that’s why he offers Stiles the Bite in Season 1 and then shamelessly admits that he NEVER stopped fantasizing about biting/turning Stiles in Season 6.

In conclusion: if Teen Wolf had revolved around the Hale Pack and family and werewolf Stiles and/or Dark Stiles & Void Stiles like viewers wanted, it would have been a better and much more interesting show than whatever Scott/Posey crap-show we got (and it would have lasted longer, too.)

The Teen Wolf writers and producers should have killed Scott McCall off in Season 1 Episode 1 and replaced him with Vernon Boyd or Kira Yukimura instead.

~•~

https://princeescaluswords.tumblr.com/post/623259473284399104/another-thing-fandom-claims-a-story-about-the#notes There. Fixed it for you canon and reality wise @ princeescaluswords

---

Ohhh, do I have opinions about… all of those things. So, in no particular order:

Hale pack; Hale pack 2.0; werewolf Stiles; pretty sure I answered Boyd as the MC before; Kira; 

Did I ever actually post that TW would have to deal with fundamentally different themes if Stiles/Allion were bitten instead or did I just go nope NaNo project?

Okay, let’s see, how would a show that actually focused on worldbuilding, werewolf dynamics/culture outside of “I’m the alpha now”, and pack-as-family be more interesting than a show about what is either the most hilariously bad excuse for a Good Guy™, or an unsatisfying good guy turned villain story that didn’t realise that we were actually interested in the character’s lives outside of Scott?

With the Hale pack 2.0, the show would be about rebuilding that, about human and werewolf norms clashing, and finding a middle ground that isn’t “you’ll heal/werewolves made them do it”.

Because TW does have so much potential for all those things, but Scott’s not interested in them unless it directly affects or benefits him; but we never see non-abusive pack dynamics.

And this might just be because I grew up with wolfblood/still haven’t finished the order, but actually seeing that kind of pack bonding/history outside of “let’s save the day” is so much more interesting. 

-

Werewolf!Stiles is interesting, because I can and have seen it both ways with a pretty even split?

(I’ve also answered Stiles saying yes to the bbite at least twice now, and that answer hasn’t changed. Unless it’s time travel. post5a/b Stiles asking Peter or Derek for the bite would be hilarious.)

First off, “Stiles would kill everyone he lies about giving a shit about!1!1!” is absolutely hilarious, given that Scott was the one who tried to kill Stiles, hurt and only didn’t kill Jackson because Derek and Stiles interfered, hurt Isaac, because of “control issues”. But sure, Stiles is the one who would kill everyone on sight. /sarcasm

Okay, so. Stiles wants to be part of this world, does everything he can to learn about it and knows when you can’t do something because werewolves. He has also shown that he’s willing to make sacrifices (skipping the lacrosse game in 1x9(?)/Eichen House in 3b/the relationship with his dad) if it meant keeping people safe, because he knew not doing those things would hurt people more than they could benefit him. 

(Meanwhile we have Scott “being bullied” into playing lacrosse/not caring if The Darkness™ hurt anyone— Isaac or anyone at school/lied to his mom, Allison, Kira constantly. Go figure)

Other than that, I honestly can’t tell how much control I would want canon!Stiles to have. Because with fic, I could go either way, for obvious I need to fixate on something other than adhd and werewolves, please, reasons, but canon? I don’t think perfect control on at least the first full moon is something that's actually possible given, you know, canon. And depending on if you go with Stiles being bitten instead of Scott, it’s not a particularly interesting story. 

But everything in canon suggests that he would be self aware enough to know that, and not go to a party like a certain other person I will not name here. 

-

But that’s one of the main— issues I have with this line of thinking. It’s always how would this compare to Scott. You always outdo the other, when you can’t really compare it in the sense they are both very different people, who are going to handle the same situation very differently. Scott’s go to response when Shit Happens is to avoid it for as long as possible by distracting himself with school/lacrosse/gf of the season; while, despite for that throwaway line, Stiles always needs to be there— he researches werewolves, stalks Theo, helps the Hales. 

As I said before, neither is the most thought out or safe option, both are a normal response, but you can’t— It’s hard to compare them because Scott got bitten “because of” Stiles, and didn’t have any how to werewolf 101 he really listened to. While with Stiles it’s either a) him getting “himself” bitten that night and being excited about it, b) him wanting the bite, knowing what to expect, with a lot less trauma, c) getting bitten without consent but with that understanding of what is happening. 

-

Now, Kira’s story is something I would pay good money to actually see done right. Because can you imagine of they did kill off Scott in 3a, and Kira had to navigate a) BH’s drama, b) coming into her own powers, c) actually dealing with not being fucking told about that, and d) not being fucking lied to end just getting yeeted into the desert?

[fortunatelylori]

GOT: The exhausting march towards the dramatic TWIST

I think I’m going to shock people with this statement but ... out of all the season 8 episodes we’ve seen so far, episode 4 is by far my favorite. 

Now don’t get too excited by the seemingly warm tone ... what I mean by favorite is that I hated it less than episode 1 through 3, which is about as high a praise as I’m likely going to have for this debacle that is season 8. 

General impressions:

There are two reasons why I felt this episode was better than the last 3: 

1. It was more focused, with 3 clear storylines: D*ny’s war for the crown (story A), Jon’s and his family continuing to be dead inside (story B), Jaime’s return to his sister-lover (story C). This kind of focus and definite structure should be a given. However GOT decided to go all yolo on our asses this season and as we’ve already covered in my other reviews, it’s gotten to the point where I’m genuinely shocked to see an episode that doesn’t jump from plot point to plot point like an enraged orangutan on ecstasy. 

2. It was centered around this woman: 

Look at that face... Holy Shit! She’s going to give me nightmares!

Now, normally an episodes focused on D*ny would be bad news for me because I don’t particularly care for her, as half of my list of metas can conclusively prove. 

However, since she’s the only character whose POV isn’t hidden and her scenes aren’t cut short or drained of any and all possibility of actual human emotion, she’s become the only character that I can watch without feeling frustrated, confused or on the verge of an anxiety attack. I actually like to know what the hell is happening on screen and what the character wants in any given scene. Call it a pet peeve of mine. 

Although even D*ny, as well rounded a character as she is, suffers from the Ds oscillating trend this season. Last episode, D*ny stood her ground against the NK, committed herself and her armies to the defense of the realm and saved Jon’s life. This episode, she’s back in full Mad King’s daughter mode, with a pinch of Viserys on the side. 

But that’s a quibble, honestly and you can always argue that Jorah’s death really pushed D*ny into a dark place in which the crown of Westeros and her war against Cersei becomes more important than her own humanity. 

However, what isn’t a quibble is that death seems to have become a shorthand device the Ds employ to signal D*ny’s eventual rise as Queen of the Ashes. She loses Jorah in episode 3 and by the end of episode 4, she loses both Rhaegal and Missandei as well, leaving her in a seeming cliffhanger over whether or not to put the Red Keep to the torch as revenge. 

The problem is that D*ny had been chopping at the bit to burn down King’s Landing since season 7 when she had to be talked out of doing just that TWICE. This episode Tyrion once again has to put the breaks on D*ny’s fiery fantasies. 

This scene right here is a treasure trove of Mad D*ny clues. But let’s focus on two of them. Firstly, the impetuous to burn KL is stil there: 

D*ny: We will hit her hard. We will rip her out root and stem. 

Tyrion: The objective here is to remove Cersei without destroying King’s Landing. 

That is not a happy face ...

As D*ny put’s it, they need the capital because otherwise Cersei can continue calling herself the queen of the 7 kingdoms. 

That’s D*ny’s priority, folks: the acquiring of that stupid title. 

And if she has to march her weakened army, her sick dragon/child for thousands of miles and burn thousands of innocent people to get that title, she’ll do it. 

Considering this set-up, why exactly did we need Missandei and Rahegal to die? One day into Tyrion’s proposed blockade and D*ny would be roasting giant marshmallows in the Red Keep gardens. 

In my opinion,  the reasons for killing Rhaegal and Missandei are not tied to the dark!dany arc at all. Instead, Rhaegal gets killed because they want to make the D*ny/Cersei conflict as even as possible so they’re eliminating one of D*ny’s weapons of mass destruction. 

And Missandei ... poor Missandei gets killed in order to shock the audience. There is absolutely no reason to kill her in this way ... If she was to die, the time for that would have been in episode 3. They have to actually push the suspension of disbelief in order to convince the audience that somehow Euron got a hold of this girl from an armada of wrecked ships, instantly knew how important she was, dragged her back to the Red Keep and then brought her up on that wall expecting .... what??! 

Euron and Cersei are far too smart to believe D*ny will give up her war for Missandei so why kill her so publicly? To intimidate D*ny? They didn’t need Missandei for that. They could have just as well beheaded all of the hostages they took from the ships. 

They kill Missandei because that’s the easiest way for the Ds to surprise the audience and for them to garner some sort of sympathy for D*ny when she eventually does end up going all Pablo Escobar on a city filled with a million people. 

The other glaring Mad D*ny moment in the scene and one that plays straight into political Jon, is this: 

Sansa: The men we have left are exhausted. Many of them are wounded. They will fight better if they have time to rest and recuperate. 

D*ny: How long do you suggest? 

Sansa: Can’t say for certain. Not without talking to the officers. 

D*ny: I came North to fight alongside you. At great cost to my armies and myself. And now that the time has come to reciprocate, you want to postpone?

Jon: The Northern forces will honor their promises and their allegiance to the queen of the 7 kingdoms. What you command, we will obey. 

I’ve seen a lot of people being angry at Jon for “taking D*ny’s side” in this conflict but in order to understand how this plays into political Jon, there are 2 things you need to keep in mind: 

The first is exactly when Sansa intervenes in the conversation. She steps in directly after both Tyrion and Jon manage to convince D*ny not to burn down King’s Landing. D*ny reluctantly agrees to the blockade because that would mean having to wait to take the crown and as she puts it: 

D*ny: The longer I leave my enemies alone, the stronger they become.  

Now Sansa wants to delay her even further. This is not acceptable to D*ny. 

In addition to that, I don’t think Sansa appreciates just how dangerous and volatile D*ny is. She doesn’t know about the men being fed to dragons, or the 163 crucified masters or how close she was to jumping on a dragon and burning down KL in the past. 

Jon, however, does understand D*ny quite well by this point. I don’t buy his speech as him agreeing with D*ny at all in this scene and considering this is the face he puts on to silence Sansa: 

I’d say this is a guy desperately trying to keep a bomb from exploding directly in the face of someone he cares very deeply about. 

Narratively, I believe this is supported by the Sansa/Tyrion scene later on when Sansa is surprised to realize that Tyrion is actually afraid of D*ny. She simply hadn’t considered that people are scared of what D*ny might do. 

As interesting as D*ny’s descent into madness is (despite Missandei’s useless death), it’s counterbalanced by the shit show that continues to be Jon Snow. 

Watching Jon’s arc this season, and by extension all the Starks, is like banging your head against a concrete wall over and over again, without making a dent. It’s pointless, exhausting and painful. 

At this point I don’t care if he’s in love with D*ny or Sansa, if he’s pol!Jon or idiot!Jon, if he wants to be king or fuck off beyond the wall. I genuinely don’t care anymore. What I do care about is being given access to Jon’s story enough to figure out what the hell he wants and what he’s doing. 

It’s one thing to keep a character’s POV hidden for an episode but we’re going on almost 2 seasons now. And Jon isn’t a secondary character like Littlefinger where you can get away with hiding the POV because he’s not as big a part of the plot as a main character is. 

But Jon is a main character and this effort to keep him enigmatic and mysterious isn’t only wreaking havoc on his arc but it’s also affecting the rest of the Stark family. Case and point: 

In case anyone is keeping score, this is actually the first and only scene all the Starks have together in 4 episodes, amounting to 5 hours of footage. 

And just look where they decide to end this scene! Right when we’re going to see Arya and Sansa react to the parentage reveal and see what they and Jon discuss next. They gave us the mere bones of this scene and left us without the meat. 

The important part of the scene, the emotional underbelly, the opportunity to see these people come together and support and embrace Jon as the Stark they still think he is, is taken away from us. Because that would chip away at the mystery surrounding Jon’s arc this season. 

I’d argue depriving Jon and the Starks of the emotional bond they share is way too steep a price to pay for what is essentially a cheap thirll that becomes cheaper and cheaper by the minute considering they’re delaying whatever reveal they’re planning on making past the point of me giving a shit!

This episode did, however, give me the perfect visual way of describing Jon’s storyline right now. Jon is basically stuck between: 

and 

and he chooses neither. 

He sends Ghost away (without patting him because having KH and the wolf in the same frame would be too costly for the overly expensive GOT) and refuses to ride Rhaegal because ... reasons. 

So instead of seeing him choose between being a direwolf and a dragon, we’re seeing him do nothing, while looking overly enigmatically blank for 5 hours straight. I just .... I’m sooooo tired of this. Can this be over now?

PS: I’d discuss Jaime’s storyline this episode but I don’t want to say: I told you so ... Well ... ok, if you insist:

a little sour milk dribble on Tormund’s beard and a silly giant story isn’t going to make me forget that Jaime has arrived in Winterfell on the coat tails of a 20+ year toxic relationship with a woman who is not only his twin sister but is also currently pregnant with his baby.

Also:

Jaime: She (Cersei) has always been good at using the truth to tell lies. Don’t be too hard on yourself. She’s fooled me more than anybody.

Tyrion: She never fooled you. You always knew exactly what she was. And you loved her anyway.

Yeah …  Imagine entering a relationship with a guy exiting THAT. Dealing with sour milk beard is mild by comparison.

(source)

Favorite scenes

The “If you love me, you’ll erase yourself” scene: 

There is something so deeply disturbing about this scene that I can’t help but be fascinated by it. The J0nereys relationship has always been toxic and this scene right here encapsulates just why: 

In order to be with D*ny, Jon needs to give up everything that makes him who he is. In season 7, he was forced to bend the knee and suffer the ire of the entire North for it. Now D*ny is asking him not only to give up his claim but also lie about who he is and separate himself from his family in order to make sure that D*ny gets to be queen. 

No one, not one person in this world, no matter how beautiful, rich, good in bed or seemingly in love with you, is worth you giving up who you are and removing yourself from your family (provided said family is not toxic, of course). And anyone that would ask you to do that, should be dumped on their asses pronto.

Jon can’t do that, unfortunately. Because he’s brought D*ny here to fight “his war” and pretended to be in love with her. And also because D*ny simply isn’t rational anymore. So he’s stuck apologizing for people liking him (just think about that!) and having to put up with her saying things like: 

D*ny: It doesn’t matter what you want! You didn’t want to be king in the North! What happens when they demand you press your claim and TAKE WHAT IS MINE? 

Except the crown isn’t D*ny’s. It never was. Logistically speaking, the crown belongs to Cersei right now. Legitimately, the crown is Jon’s. It’s D*ny that is actually taking what is his, not the other way around. Imagine making someone apologize for you doing that to them. That’s all kinds of messed up. 

Speaking of which: 

Jon: You are my queen! I don’t know what else I can say!

D*ny: You can say nothing! To anyone! Ever! Never tell them who you really are. Swear your brother and Samwell Tarly to secrecy and tell no one else!

You know what she sounds like? Like Tangled’s Mother Gothel convincing Rapunzel that she’s better off being her prisoner. 

Yikes! She’s genuinely terrifying!

Also: 

D*ny: Sansa will want to see me gone and you on the Iron Throne. 

Jon: She won’t. 

D*ny: She’s not the girl you grew up with. Not after what she’s seen. Not after what they’ve done to her. 

2 things: 

1. I hope every D*ny stan in the universe either denounces D*ny for victim blaming or closes their mouths about feminism, misogyny and pitting women against women for the rest of time. If you support this woman and consider her a positive role model, you are not allowed to discuss these subjects in public ever again. 

2. Can you really blame Jon for taking D*ny’s side against Sansa in the council meeting? He already knows just what D*ny thinks of Sansa and what she’d like to do to her if she is given the opportunity. Hurting Sansa’s feelings is preferable to her losing her life. 

The “This better not be unrequited love, Ds!” scene: 

This face right here ... this face: 

It’s heartbreaking. And what really angers me about this scene is that it could have been all the more meaningful had the parentage reveal been played in full. Actually seeing Sansa reacting, hearing Jon’s fears or his anguish, would make her fighting for his crown when he refuses to do so even more powerful and romantically charged. 

Still, this scene comes in direct contrast to the Jon/D*ny scene. While D*ny wants to force Jon to live a lie for the rest of his life, to humble himself and make himself small so she can have all the power and the love of the people, Sansa not only shoots down the possibility of her being the only one in charge of the North and holding steadfast to the idea that Jon will stay in Winterfell. She goes as far as tell Tyrion Jon is the rightful heir when she realizes that despite his supposed loyalty to D*ny, Tyrion is actually afraid of her. 

She sees an opening to ensure Jon’s freedom and she takes it without hesitation. 

If, at the end of all of this, Jon ends up going beyond the wall instead of staying with a woman who loves and values him this much, then Westeros truly is a cruel and horrible place and I’ll be sorry I invested so many years of my life to it.

Episode MVPs

Euron “Best General in fucking Westeros” Greyjoy: 

Euron gets to be MVP this episode because in one fell swoop he destroyed D*ny’s fleet and brought down one of her dragons. What can I say ... Competency really turns me on. 

Too bad Cersei doesn’t love him. If these two actually cared about each other, they could be the McBeths of Westeros. Nothing could stand in their way!

Lord “What an Icon!” Varys: 

What can one say about this glorious man? He is MVP for the second time in 4 reviews and somehow I think he’s not done yet. 

Varys and Tyrion got down to some realpolitick this episode. But Varys had some truly outstanding lines, like: 

Varys: How many others know? 

Tyrion: Including us? Eight. 

Varys: Well, then it’s not a secret anymore. It’s information. If a handful of people know now, hundreds will know soon. 

It’s so rare to find a man that understands gossip so well!

Varys: I’ve served tyrants all my life. They all talk about destiny. 

As a person born under a communist regime, I concur, Varys. 

And my personal favorite:  

Varys: You know where my loyalty stands. You know I will never betray the realm. 

Tyrion: What is the realm? A vast continent, home to millions of people, most of whom don’t care who sits on the Iron Throne. 

Varys: Millions of people, many of whom will die if the wrong person sits on that throne. We don’t know their names but they’re just as real as you and I. They deserve to live. They deserve food for their children. I will act in their interests, no matter the personal cost. 

If this show doesn’t end with a 7 foot, cockless statue of Varys presiding over the whole of Westeros as the ICON that he is, what was even the point?!?!?

[krizaland]

Conflict is fun when it's not real. Headcanons for the Tallest becoming interested in Zim's s/o?

I am so HYPED  for this ask! I recently just saw the play Wicked and I have been dying to write a drabble where Zim and the reader sing “For good” together. I never had the proper inspiration. Until now! Thank you so much, Anon! Now strap in! This is gonna be a long, bumpy feels trip!

You and Zim had been dating for over two Earth years now! It’s truly amazing how much time could change.  Zim had recently revealed himself as an alien to you and he couldn’t be happier that you didn’t run away. You thought his true alien self was waay cuter than his human facade anyway.

However, it seemed that Zim had gone missing! 

He hadn’t been at skool in over three days and won’t answer any of your calls on the communicator bracelet he made for you.

Terrified that something might have happened to your boyfriend, you rushed to his base as fast as your legs could take you!

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

You pounded your hand against Zim’s front door.

“Zim?! It’s me, Y/N! Please open up! I need to make sure you’re ok!” You begged as your hand slid down the door.

Thankfully, the door opened but Zim was nowhere to be found.

Instead you found GIR and Minimoose sitting on the couch next to the largest pile of nachos you’ve ever seen.

“GIR? Minimoose? Have either of you seen Zim? He hasn’t been to skool and he won’t answer my calls!” You were almost on the verge of tears as you spoke.

“I don’t know where he is either! I worry about that boy so much! YOU WANT SOME NACHOS?!” GIR chirped as he shoved a gooey handful of nachos in your face.

“No thanks. I just want to see Zim right now.” You sighed as you tried to hold back your tears.

“Hey, keep it down out there. I’m trying to be miserable in my cheesy cocoon of misery.” Zim slurred as he poked his head out of the pile of nachos.

“Zim?! Oh thank goodness you’re alright! I thought something terrible had happened to you!” You cheered.

“Y/N? Is that you? Don’t worry, I’m still alive and stuff. Something terrible did happen to me though.” Zim grumbled as he sunk into the nacho pile.

“What happened, Zim? And why did you turn into a plate of nachos?” You asked nervously.

Zim let out a dramatic groan and flopped out of his cheesy fortress.

He peeled himself off the floor and pulled out an Irken remote.

BLOOP!

Zim pressed a button and a blue holographic map appeared.

“This is the flight path of the Irken Armada. And there, shmillions of lightyears away from that path, is Urth. Do you know what this means, my sweet human?” Zim blubbered as he gestured to the map.

“Your leaders only fly in a straight line?”

“The Tallest aren’t coming!” Zim whimpered as he flopped back onto the ground.

“Oh Zim…I’m so sorry.” You bit your lip as you sat down beside him.

“I’ve lost the respect of my Tallest!” Zim wailed as he climbed onto your lap.

You pulled Zim into a tight hug and gently stroked his antennas. Zim clung to you for dear life as he bawled his ruby eyes out.

When Zim ran out of tears to shed, you gently turned his face to look at you.

“Hey, it’s gonna be alright, Zim. You still have my respect.” You reassured softly.

“Really? You still respect me? Even though I’m a..failure?” Zim choked out.

“Zim, you’re not a failure! You’re literally one of the strongest people I know! I don’t care what your leaders think! You’ll always be my favorite Invader!” You insisted.

Zim let out a gasp as his ruby eyes gazed deeply into your E/C ones.

“I love you, Zim. Your leaders may not be coming but I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.” You declared.

“Promise?”

“I promise, Zim.” You whispered as you kissed his forehead.

In that very moment, Zim’s PAK sparked like crazy.

All you felt was a light buzzing sensation but Zim? Zim felt something he never thought he’d feel.

Zim was feeling rebellious.

Every last shred of respect and loyalty for the Irken Empire was erased form his PAK. The only thing Zim had any respect for now was you.

“Y/N. I am honored to be your love pig. No longer shall I continue to serve an Empire that doesn’t appreciate my incredible genius! From this day forth, the only one I shall serve is you, My human.” Zim announced as he sat upright.

“Yeah! That’s the spirit! Wait! What?” You were excited that Zim no longer wanted to serve the Irken Empire but were caught off guard by the last part.

“My human, you have given me the respect I so truly deserve. You have proven yourself to be far more superior than the so called ‘almighty Tallest’. Therefore I shall pledge my life to serving you and only you.” Zim climbed off your lap and gave you a salute.

Before you had a chance to respond, Zim cupped your face and pulled you into a passionate kiss.

You blushed as your eyelids slowly closed. You let Zim taste every last inch of your mouth as you tasted his. 

The two of you didn’t part until you were out of breath.

Once the kiss stopped your mouth remained wide open. That wasn’t supposed to happen. You didn’t quite know how to react at first. However, after a few moments of sitting in shock, you figured out that this was Zim’s way of saying he loved you.

“Wow, Zim! I-I’m so honored!” You stuttered as you slowly stood up.

“As you rightfully should be, My human! Now I will need to cleanse all that I own of any FLITH from that FILTHY EMPIRE!” Zim announced as he put his hands on his hips.

“I shall start with shutting off any long distance communications to The Massive. I can’t have the Tallest find out I’ve rebelled against the Empire! I’ll be deleted on the spot!” Zim explained as he begun to tinker away at the TV monitor.

Unfortunately, Zim had accidentally called the Tallest in the process.

The Tallest groaned as they begrudgingly answered the call.

“What do you want now, Zim?” Red grumbled.

Zim let out a scream the moment the Tallest appeared on screen. He may have rejected the Irken Empire, but he still didn’t want to invoke the wrath of the Tallest.

“Yeah, can’t you see we’re- Hey! Who’s that behind you?” Purple squeaked as he gestured to you. 

His PAK sparked a bit as he spoke.

 Sweat begun to pour down Zim’s face. This was not good!  Not only will the Tallest find out he had betrayed the Empire but they will also find out he had chosen to serve you instead.

To make matters worse, Red had also turned to look at you and his PAK sparked too.

Oh no. Oh no! No! No! No!

This was not good at all! All Zim could do was scream and try to hide you away.

“Hey! Don’t hide them from us!” Purple snapped as he shoved some donuts into his mouth.

“Yeah! Just answer the question, Zim.” Red commanded as he folded his arms.

“This human is simply just one of my experiments! Now I must continue my duties at once! Zim ou-”

“Woah! Woah! Wait! We actually could use that human for uh.. something.” Red stuttered.

“Man, they’re pretty..” Purple sighed.

“Pretty…useful! They seem like a useful asset to the Empire! Just let us beam them aboard the ship and we’ll promote you!” Red lied as he clasped his hands together.

You let out a gasp. As much as you would’ve loved to chew out Zim’s shitty excuses for leaders, you didn’t want them to kill him. All you could do was stand there in shock.

Zim wasn’t feeling much better either.

Zim felt his squeedilyspooch churn. Normally, Zim would be thrilled at the offer of a promotion but now that he no longer wanted to serve the Empire, Red’s offer was worthless to him. However, Zim couldn’t just simply deny a request from the Tallest. Even though he was no longer loyal to them, he didn’t want to be deleted! However, he didn’t even want to think about what horrors those monsters had in store for you.

“Computer! Put the Tallest on hold!” Zim hissed as he pointed to the ceiling.

“Tallest put on hold!” The computer bellowed as the screen paused.

 “Are you sure they’re on hold this time?” Zim asked as he narrowed his eyes.

“Yes. Tallest have been put on hold. I double checked.” The computer conformed.

“Good! At least I managed to buy us some time.” Zim sighed as he turned to face you.

“I need to think of a way out of this mess! C’mon, Zim! Think! Think! THINK!” Zim ranted as he paced back and forth.

You let out a deep sigh and looked down at your feet. You didn’t want to be sent to those bastards! Your fear of what they might do to you aside, you wanted to stay by Zim’s side. You didn’t want to abandon him like they did!

However, you had a feeling that the Tallest wouldn’t be too happy if Zim denied their request. As much as you didn’t want to abandon Zim, you also didn’t want him to die.

You knew what you had to do.

“Zim!” 

Zim stopped his pacing for a moment and looked at you.

“Send me to the Tallest!” You commanded as tears begun to form in your eyes.

“WHAT?! YOU WISH TO BE SENT TO THE TALLEST?! HAVE YOU THE BRAIN WORMS?!” Zim roared as he grabbed you by the shoulders and shook you.

“Zim! Please understand! I hate them with every fiber of my being but they might kill you if you don’t give me to them! I can’t let you die, Zim! I love you too much!” You sobbed.

“AND I CAN’T LET YOU DIE EITHER! WHO KNOWS WHAT THOSE DIABOLICAL MONSTERS HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU?!” Zim wailed.

“Zim. That’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’d do anything for you.” You insisted.

“But-”

“Anything.”

“You would really risk your life…For mine?” Zim’s voice quivered as he spoke.

“Of course I would! I love you, Zim. You mean everything to me.” 

Zim let go of your shoulders as more tears fell from his eyes.

“I love you too, Y/N. As much as I can’t bare to lose you, you make a good point. I guess I don’t really have a choice do I?” Zim’s voice shrank as he spoke.

“No. I guess not.” You sighed as you rubbed your arm,

“So, I guess this is goodbye?” Zim choked out as more tears begun to stream down his cheeks.

You took a deep breath and nodded.

“I’ve heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason. Bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those… Who help us most to grow if we let them. And we help them in return.

Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s trueBut I know I’m who I am todayBecause I knew you… 

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

But because I knew you…

I have been changed for good” Your voice quivered as you sang.

Zim sniffled and cleared his throat.

“It well may be…That we will never meet again inn this lifetime. So let me say before we part, So much of me is made of what I learned from you.

You’ll be with me. No matter how near or far.And now whatever way our stories end. I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend…” Zim gently took your hands in his.

“Like a ship blown from it’s course

By a solar wind

Like a seed dropped by a spacebird

On a distant world

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

But because I knew you…” Zim gave your hands a gentle squeeze.

“Because I knew you..” You sniffled.

“I have been changed for good.” You both sang.

“And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness. For all the things I’ve done you blame me for.” Zim let go of your hands and bowed before you.

“But then, I guess we know that there’s blame to share.” You helped Zim to his feet.

“And none of it seems to matter anymore!” You and Zim’s voices melted together as the song continued.

“Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood”

“Like a ship blown from it’s courseBy a solar windLike a seed dropped by a spacebirdOn a distant world”

“Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? 

I do believe I have been changed for the better.” 

“And because I knew you…” Tears streamed down your cheeks

“Because I… knew you” Zim sniffled.

“I have been changed…. 

For good…” You both sang as you pulled each other into a tight hug.

“Y/N…Oh how I’ll miss you so…” Zim whispered as he clung to you for dear life.

“I’ll miss you too, Zim.” You sniffled as you returned the hug.

After a few more minutes, Zim released you from the hug.

“Goodbye, my love.” Zim choked out as he reluctantly loaded you into the teleporter.

Zim took the Tallest off hold and dried his tears.

“Very well, my Tallest. I will send you the human.” Zim tried to sound sincere but every word came out dripping with venom.

and with that, Zim cut the call and sent you to The Massive.

Next

[happyhearthooligan]

Master List Dec Edition 2019

December, the final month of the year, in the most popularly used calenders at least

franstastic-ideas - December Content

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Wraithtale

Dec 1 - I demand to hear more about WT Papara

Dec 19 - Mettaton bringing up Sans and Frisk’s dates to Rosalyn

Dec 20 - Mettaton not just bringing up Sans’ interest in Frisk

Convergence

Dec 2 - Convergence au Christmas time hcs?

Dec 4 - Convergence au mistletoe shenanigans please

Dec 8 - US Papyrus is afraid of Henri…

Dec 11 - Two words. Beach. Episode.

Cleaved

Dec 1

Do other Frisks exist or does UT Frisk sorta take their place?

Does Frisk replace the Swap Charas or just the Frisks?

Dec 3

What would happen if Frisk popped in Horrortale au?

How does Horror act when Cleave comes back?

You Better Boo-lieve It

I just thought of the dumbest idea for an Undertale fanfic…

How do Papyrus and Toriel react to Friskyblook?

With Frisk as a ghost, Sans can’i touch/cuddle her

Dec 10

Status update on Frisk’s body?

Pure Underfell

Dec 1

Fun Fact: There is an Underfell Game

At the time of your fanfic "I'm Telling the Tooth”…

UF but the tuff skellies are sick

UF Frans pregnancy: How would Sans act?

Dec 3

How did Cambria react to UF Sans' devotion to Frisk?

Who proposed the question of wanting a child? (Papara)

Dec 6 - Has Asriel ever snapped back to Pap in anyway?

Dec 7 - How do Toriel and Asgore feel about Asriel not retaliating?

Dec 8

But does Papyrus like poetry?

Would Chara write Papyrus a poem as an "Anonymous Sender”?

Does Edge believe in Santa as well?

Is Asgore still the "Big, Fluffy Pushover"?

Dec 10

Expectations vs Reality: Edge's First Christmas with Chara

When Sans and Papyrus try to protect Frisk from Undyne…

Dec 11

How would Red react to Edge’s photo collection?

Has Edge ever accidentally hit Red?

What was Pap and Sans’ relationship like during childhood?

Dec 17

Does Asriel ever secretly want Chara to play with his ears?

How’s Edge when he sees that Asriel's remorse is entirely genuine?

Edge’s reaction to someone making Red feel bad about himself

Do the goat parents treat Asriel like a child?

The goat parents’ reaction if Chara had ended up with Asriel?

De 18

SOS the world needs more UF Frans (please and thank you)

When UF Chara realizes that she has romantic interest in Edge…

Dec 30 - Fell Gaster x Frisk yes? What ideas do you have

Pure Underswap

Dec 1

What is US Pap’s “go to” prank?

C-c-c-combo!!!!!!!

Dec 6 - US Frans first kiss?

Pure Swapfell

Dec 8

Also, what hobbies does SF Chara have?

Is Asriel's rivalry with Papyrus mostly one-sided on his side?

Dec 19 - SF Frans???

Classic Undertale

Dec 1

How does Papyrus feel about Chara’s cheeks?

Toriel gives her daughters and bonefriends matching sweaters...

Why doesn’t Frisk really talk all that much in the Underground?

How much does Alphy’s camera system pry into?

Dec 2 - How is this possible, that Papyrus doesn't have any friends?

Dec 3

How does Frisk feel about almost constantly being watched?

Why can't Undyne tell Pap why he couldn’t be in the Royal Guard?

Dates of Papara going to Grillby’s

Dec 4 - What do you picture Pap and Alphys’ relationship being?

Dec 6

Headcanons for Christmas time in the Dreemurr residence

Do any Christmas shenanigans happen with Frans or Papara?

Can we get more Daddy Sans with his Frans daughter?

These enemies could be killed in one hit at certain moments…

Dec 7 - Are there any other monsters that have seen the surface?

Dec 8

Would Sans tease Papyrus if he was flirted by someone positive?

Papyrus states that Sans is never home during the day…

Does Sans sleep in part because he only has 1HP?

What do you think Sans and Undyne's relationship is?

Dec 10

What stages does Sans' crush development go through?

Does Chara laugh during situations of high stress?

Papyrus doesn’t even have any stages and jumps straight to it?

Dec 11 - Chara response to Papyrus "jumping straight into wooing"

Dec 12 - Can I get Frister headcanons meanwhile?

Dec 17 - UT Frans decide to admit secrets to each other…

Dec 18

Mettaton will say that he "wasn't the greatest friend" to Alphys…

What would Chara normally do when Papyrus flirts with her?

What does Chara think of Papyrus' "Battle Body"?

Dec 19

*u gota... FransHeadcanon!!!

Adding to the theory of Chara's "stress laughter”

Asriel resisted Chara's attempts to fight the attacking humans…

Multiple AU Headcanons

Dec 1

If the Sanses accidentally hit or knock their wife

Do Frisk and Chara just have to take a moment sometimes...

Dec 2 - Which yandere skellies would use the surveillance system?

Dec 3 - Yandere Papyrus and his unfortunate Chara (UT and US)

Dec 5 - Christmas headcanons for the Frans and Papara couples

Dec 6 - What would Asriel and Papyrus get Chara for Christmas?

Dec 7

How would the townsfolk react if the skelebros DID go missing?

What are some of Chara's hobbies?

Dec 8 - Do the Frans/Papara children tease their parents for PDA?

Dec 10 - Do the other Papyri collect anything?

Dec 11 - Would anyone else have a shrine?

Dec 20 - Do any Papyri tease their Chara on their height difference?

Other Headcanons

Dec 1

One more tale au hcs please? Your work is awesome.

Mmmmm. How about, One More Tale, but Horrortale twist?

Dec 3

Hoi! What if Frisk had a monster warding item when she fell?

MATCHING SWEATERS FOR KEEPERS OF THE RUINS too?

(1/3) I just found Papyrus’s engagement ring, everybody!

(2/3) Found Underswap Sans’

Who will win?

Does anyone know that Flowey is actually Asriel?

Chara with the dog whistle headcanons please please please

Dec 4

Link of Crashboombanger's Gaster voice?

(3/3) You can get UF Papyrus with this

Dec 5

You mentioned that the fic would have multiple endings…

So, about the world of Pokétale...

Dec 7 - Frisk lives in a majorly monster-friendly community

Dec 9

Lostmypotatoes once brought up portal 2 x undertale…

Dec 17

Narrator Chara AU, Frisk tells Papyrus about Chara

Narrator Chara has to flirt with Papyrus through Frisk.

Dec 19 - Any headcanon for Semi's Behind the Closed Door au?

Dec 20 - Any headcanons for Littletale Frans/Papara?

Other types of posts

Dec 1

How do you pronounce Chara’s name?

You LIED! I looked through sjui00's entire deviant art…

Dec 2 - Did you recently travel somewhere?

Dec 3 - What's the longest you stayed awake?

Dec 4 - When's yar and lostmypotatoes' B-day?

Dec 5

My Franstastic ideas have a way of spiraling out of control

I know I’ve got like, dozens of other prompts, but…

Dec 6

Yandere Chara and Frisk really aren’t my jam

How many questions in one day would be "too much at once" 

Are you familiar with Harry Potter?

Dec 8

For that multiple ending Altertale idea of yours…

Will any one of the endings include death(s)?

Dec 10

Do you have any other Frans blogs you recommend to visit

Do you get nervous every time you post your story to the public?

Dec 11 - What got you into Frans and Papara?

Dec 13 - Me: Getting crushes on fictional characters?

Dec 16

Eating sugar?

Do you still underestimate how long each story would take

How many prompt ideas are on your list now?

Bees!!!

Do you have a masterlist of all ur written fanfics?

Favorite words/situations to write?

What about for your website title "More Than Frans"?

Dec 17

How memey are you?

Can you tell us how you write your stories?

Do you have any Frans fics you recommend?

What are your favorite headcanons for the Convergence AU?

While it initially did stink that I had to work on my b-day, it got better.

Dec 19 - Apart from Frans and Papara, who else do you ship?

Dec 20 - I’ve seen different headcanons for Frisk's eyes…

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By the way, if you find any mistakes within these Master Lists, such as a wrong link, missing post, or a context-changing typo, I'd appreciate the feedback! While the original postcan be revised, though, it's rebloged form don't share the same ability, so be aware of that

[quipadeedoodaa]

I Had a Wits End

Had this dream shortly after discovering Good Omens. I thought I might use it for something, but honestly it’s great as is, directly from my brain as I typed it after waking up. It makes me giggle still XD they’re such dorks.

Putting it under the cut because it is LONG!

Contains: Fluff, Adam, Dream nonsense logic, bad photoshopping, genetic experimentation, and both of them being stupid. Also, Aziraphale probably smites someone.

Ineffable Husbands Dream August.01.19

Aziraphale is meandering town just thinking and remembering the insults from Gabriel and begins to wonder if Crowley thinks he's soft to. In the midst of fretting if his literal demon soulmate he saved the world with thinks he's physically attractive, he notices a new business, not realizing he's wandered into a shadier part of town. Its a gym! Well, really that would solve everything, wouldn't it?! Excited he goes in just to see the people inside are like HYPERmuscular.

"Oh! Oh uh, oh dear, um..."

Evil eyes catch sight of him and the only person with natural proportions comes along, the shop owner, a skeezy looking business man.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Ah, well, maybe, you see, I was hoping to try working out."

Skeezy dude eyes this smol soft cinnamon roll and grins wider. "You came to the right place. Why don't you let us set you up a routine." escorts a less nervous, and now babbling incessantly about his worry/desire to try bettering himself, Aziraphale further into the building.

Meanwhile, Crowley's been tracking down the source of some very illegal and highly dangerous genetic experimentation. Which just so happens to be based at the same Gym. He has no idea Aziraphale is going there to work out and is gone from home often enough to not notice Aziraphale is too.

The experiments aren’t just on people, but animals too. Just making things bigger, more dangerous and destructive. Crowley gets caught snooping so he finds out the hard way when he's being chased and almost loses his car again. "Not the Bentley!! Anything but that!"

Crowley is a literal noodle, and discovers exactly how prone to bruises he is, so many so he's exhausted from miracling them away.

Scene cut to home, apparently Adam and Dog visit often enough because they were there. And Adam shows Crowley that skeezy gym being advertised in a magazine b/c Crowley had told Adam about what was happening, but not Aziraphale. He didn't want to tell the angel the horrors he'd found out. Crowley never reads the article, which is a shame because if he did, he'd know Aziraphale had already been involved in all this and telling him could've helped.

‘Cause all the example pictures in the article include Aziraphale. Which I’ll spoil now is HILARIOUS b/c it's actually just Zira’s head photoshopped on a buff body because, as the masterminds have discovered (and thus think Zira is the perfect experiment) is that Aziraphale's body does not react at all to their chemicals. I mean it’s only a corporation after all. It was built as it is now and has never changed for 6000 years. Aziraphale is literally just going there to work out like at a leisure gym (ex: planet fitness if y’all have em) and socialize b/c despite being intimidating, these people are quite nice!

So while Crowley is freaking out, Adam had stepped out of the room to search for Aziraphale for food. Aziraphale enters in one of those wrestling spandex  numbers, and starts flexing and Crowley just completely forgets what he was just thinking about for a moment when he turns around and sees Aziraphale being an enormous dweeb in clothes uglier than usual. "...What on earth are you wearing?"

"I've been working out!" 

".........." Aziraphale looks exactly the same except the very ugly outfit if you could even call it that. "right. well..." 

And then Crowley freaks out because a moth had flown in and oh shitohshitojsgit!!! because one of the attacks had been via a giant moth monster. And now Aziraphale is worried about him. Miracles his normal clothes back on and decides maybe some food would help, he HAD been gone a lot lately. He sees Adam in the kitchen and shoos him back to Crowley "I’m worried about him, be a dear and make sure he's alright while I fix dinner."

Adam and dog return to the room to find super paranoid Crowley holding a massive egg like it's a time bomb, several holes are in the ceiling, but the moth is gone. Aziraphale realizes he's too worried to cook so just miracles some food and returns with it.

Crowley goes off on a long tangent about what's happening and what that Gym has been doing, which Aziraphale stands behind Crowley by the door holding a dish of noodles the whole time in shock, occasionally getting Crowley’s full attention for a section while he paces around. I forgot the exact words of his rant but he covered the human experimentation, the fact the egg was a moth egg and very dangerous and WOULD be exploding at some point most likely, almost losing the car again, ACTUALLY losing or at least sustaining massive damage to his home.

And Aziraphale is just filling with righteous fury for his husband and that he had so easily been tricked not that Crowley knows it yet. So Aziraphale makes eye contact with Adam and conveys he's going to take care of this, sets the noodles on the bed and leaves. But Crowley doesn't notice this, he just keeps talking fears of what these humans were truly capable of and accidentally knocks over the noodles. Dog rushes to eat them the movement catching Crowley’s attention and no! OH NO! "AZIRAPHALE!!" He falls to the noodles hands trying to gather them all up. "AZIRAPHALE!! What have they DONE to you!! Dog no! DON'T EAT HIM! AZIRAPHALE!!!" 

He scoops all the noodles back into the dish and holds it like a baby, you can notice very dark circles under his eyes as his glasses having fallen off, or askew during his meltdown. He’s shaking and in panic and Adam is quite worried about this fool. Why would he think the noodles were Aziraphale? but doesn't question yet, just lets Crowley drag him into a fear cling with the noodles. 

Ending with a hysterically sobbed "I used to have a Wits End and now it's GONE!" referring to the apparent name of this house Wits End, that’s been destroyed in several places and his husband gone! And Adam just pats him on the back. There there Crowley...

This is the point I woke up, but I retained knowledge of what happens next despite not seeing it.

Aziraphale storms the gym with the full brunt of God's wrath and not only destroys the building but all the research data AND miracles the information out of their minds. Just hits the place like a missile undoing everything. And the boss is done last so he KNOWS he fucked up using this nerd for a test subject. "What ARE you?"

"Fear not, I'm nothing you will ever remember." and then he doesn't.

It's not perfect like if Adam had willed it away but it was still satisfying to destroy things that had caused Crowley such harm.

And it's been awhile since he got to do a BIG miracle

Later. Once Crowley is calmed down, Adam’s gone home, and Aziraphale is there to ground his demon. Crowley calls him out on going to a gym at all. Aziraphale blushes and is all "I feared you would grow bored of me. I am soft, as you know... Not much of an angel either." 

"But you're my angel." Crowley says blunt and 'duh' as possibly

Aziraphale gives a big ole smile and hugs him more. "I'm sorry I'd forgotten."

"Well... Don't do it again!"

"I promise."

End

[sketzocase]

Okay y’all- brace yourselves. It’s a 2 AM random fandom question time!

You ever just had a thought and can’t explain it?

Like geeky/fandom wise?

Mine currently? (and spoiler alert- it’s ALOT)

-I would like to see how Uruk kias were made up close. I would also like to know how Saurmon got his fucking hair that straight. Like bruh- that’s Beyoncé level flawless.

-I know the Ents ‘lost’ their females or whatever, but I am obsessed with how exactly an Ent would go about mating. Also would like to point out that if a lady ent were to turn on her guy ent when they arise in the morning- she would technically be giving him morning wood.

-If Harry Potter can fix shit- why doesn’t he fix his glasses?

-Why the fuck would the ‘chosen one’ only use like... five spells? Come on Harry- get your shit together.

-I don’t think Dementors are inherently evil. I think they’ve been used that way but by being put to use via wizards- they really don’t get to decide- right? Aren’t they technically magical creatures? In which case, can we really not make a case that in using them in Azkaban, the wizards essentially made a kind of house-elf situation?

-Why the hell didn’t Bucky tell any of his friends what he’d done to them in his past upon meeting them? If I had worked with an asshole who killed a loved one and he knew it and never said anything to me fifty-something years late? Fuck yea- I’m pissed.

-Why the fuck does Azazel have a shit ton of kids but somehow only four survived? Like okay- in The Draco we could say that Nils is probably the youngest. And we can assume that Kiwi Black appears to be older than Kurt- who I guess if I was pressed we would say would be late 20’s early 30’s? This means there is a great few years where Azazel is either actively impregnating one woman after or another- or a time when he is a fuck hiatus only to come out a few years later and start actively impregnating women.

-OH- and Impregnating women can be hard! It can take YEARS! Does he just have a magic dick? Like... does something in his powers just make him a sex wizard? Can he get STDS? Can he heal himself if he does? How can he be sure that every single one of his offspring will be mutants? He had so many kids to open a portal- but the had to have some sort of teleporty power. How can he just see a kid pop out and be like ‘yup. It’s a mutant’.

-Why do all of Logan’s kid’s come out looking better than him?

-How does Daken have a tattoo when in ultimate x-men Logan gets tattoos of girlfriends to impress them, knowing it will heal.

-Daken’s tattoo pattern doesn’t really change much. Did he design it himself? When he loses that arm- b/c it’s ALWAYS that arm- does he get like super annoyed because he’s going to have retat himself up?

-How do Daken and Laura not have Logan’s ‘hairy motherfucker’ genes when both Raze and Jimmy Hudson seem to have got it??

-Does Laura have to double shave legs/armpits? Would she even think too?

-Is childbirth easier on Mystique because she can shape her body far more easily than a human? Don’t pregnant women’s like hips or something move or whatever? Can’t Mystique make it easier on herself?

-Are Johnny Storm’s bodily fluids hotter than most? If so, can he burn a partner by coming in them? Does he have to have like special insurance for his person/partner’s/items?

-Can Reed Richards assume whatever size dick Sue wants/needs at the time?

-Professor X makes a future kid with Mystique, does that mean his junk still works?

-Why the everloving FUCK did Remus wait so long to kill Romulus? Or try? Like he’s her twin- right? Can’t a sibling usually tell how sucky or evil a sibling is going to be pretty early on? Like my sisters a little evil- I’ve known it since she was three. Was there not a moment in their childhood where Remus just went ‘wow my brother is really fucked up. I should do something about that before he hurts someone!”

-Why the FUCK did she get Logan to try to kill her brother? Like bitch- you let it get this bad. Go handle your own shit!

-Theoretically, If Rogue wears something from head to two only leaving her lower bits exposed and Gambit wears a condom- can they have sex?

-Does Scott see different shades of red through his visor or is it all the same color?

-Is Colossus’s dick able to go full metal as well as his skin? Like- come on, what’s he packing under those pants?

-How does Sabertooth do day to day things if he can’t retract his claws- ever? Like does all of his shit just get scratched all to hell?

-How do heightened senses peeps function in normal society with all the extra smells/sounds? Is their taste enhanced? Can they do things like listen to headphones safely?

-How the fuck does Scarlet Witch work? Just like in general- I have a lot of questions.

-Why doesn’t Bucky seem to be aging really?

-how old ARE the x-men?

-Am I to believe that Bobby Drake is older than Cannonball? Nah. I don’t buy it.

-What happened to the Guthrie brood? Wasn’t there like... three mutant siblings?

-How the fuck did that one pairing (speaking on Guthrie) have sex IN THE AIR?

-How is angel ever able to do like... anything? Is it a pain to take showers if he has to get his wings all wet (assuming their feathers).

-Movie part here- in Dark Phenoix why the fuck didn't anyone tell Kurt- ‘oh yea, by the way? That’s your mom. Annnnd she’s dead.’ He was made an orphan AGAIN. Furthermore, why didn’t any of the original x-men who were on the beach react when he picked up a fucking knife and used real similar moves to his daddy?

-why didn't they explore that relationship more?

-Does Iceman have a ice dick? Like- he’s been pretty naked before. Where is his dick? Where does it go? If it is there does it react to chilly temps like other dudes?

-Can venom technically contaminate his host's partners if he is somehow involved in sexual relations WITH his host at the time?

-Why do so many aliens talk English?

-How do the x-men understand Doop?

-How do some of them understand Lockheed?

-How many top brains will be introduced only to be topped by someone else?

-How smart is Reed Richards?

-How long can Norman Osborn be the goblin? Are there any other personalities that he’s formed over the years?

-Why the fuck don’t the x-men permanently partner up with Legion? Like ... get on that.

-Why the fuck don’t they just shut the entire hellfire club down? That NEVER ends well and it’s got a lot of the same members over and over again- shut it down, keep it down.

Annnnnd... yea. Those are all my questions/thoughts.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 6 “So That’s How It Is”

This is a re-posting from Nov. 17th, 2018 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks! 

Real talk: that episode was 100% not what I wanted to see and honestly not what I thought we’d be getting after the tone of “The Lost Fable.” Yet here we are.

We start off with the gang having just finished Jinn’s vision, which surprised me a little bit. RT tends to delay gratification—Want to know how people will react to this plot point? If that person survived? Gotta wait a while longer!—so I was expecting to begin with the villains, if not push this confrontation an entire episode. Yet we kick things off with a voice over from Yang, highlighting the exact part of the story we knew she’d hyper-focus on:

Yang: “Salem can’t be killed. You all heard her too right?”

And we’re immediately back to where we were emotionally in episode two—which frankly drives me a little nuts. The entire purpose of getting glimpses of the team throughout the vision was to see their reactions to the events: Qrow lifting a hand towards Ozma, Ruby looking ill at Salem trying to kill herself, Blake and Weiss heartbroken over Salem’s grief, Yang horrified at what the gods were doing to them. On the one hand I agree that it’s incredibly realistic to have them lashing out like this. Put a bunch of teenagers through that much trauma, chuck a now fallible mentor at their feet, and they’ve got themselves a scapegoat they can’t resist. On the other hand, Team RWBY + co. has been portrayed as staggeringly better than this in the past, so it rings as at least a little false to me that they’d go this far. Not that they wouldn’t be angry, but that out of the six of them—including Oscar now—there’s not a glimmer of empathy alongside the anger. I understand entirely that we ended on the worst note possible (more manipulation by Jinn), but that doesn’t erase the fact that this is a) a large group of b) incredibly compassionate people who c) just spent 99% of that vision witnessing traumatizing events that weren’t Ozpin’s fault and feeling for him then. Bypassing one moment of sympathy for him or even hesitation at cutting him further feels less like realistic teenage fury and more like the writers deciding to ignore a large chunk of their characterization for the sake of drama.

Because what they witnessed aside, this is still Ozpin. He’s still the headmaster/friend they adored, still the man who taught them in Haven, still the huntsmen they fought beside in one of their worst battles to date. And here he is now after having his entire past ripped from him, back on his knees and crying. That’s an image that the protectors in them shouldn’t be able to brush aside so easily, especially when each of them has been through a piece of Ozpin's existence. Weiss knows what it’s like to have people more powerful than you pulling the strings. Yang understands anger that drives you to choices you’ll later regret. Blake has already fought against unimaginable odds (see: Oobleck’s lecture about how she wants to change the world but has no idea how to do it yet. That’s Ozpin). Ruby is familiar with being the eternal outsider—“I don’t want to be the bee’s knees! I just want to be a normal girl, with normal knees”—and Qrow, as he’ll mention in a moment, knows what it’s like to have nothing and no one. Ozpin was there for him then, but he won’t do the same for Ozpin now.

Let them have their anger, but let them act like themselves too.

Yang: “There was so much you hadn’t told us! How could you think that was okay?”

Yang in particular has a lot of displaced rage. She has since she was a kid and now Ozpin has become a very easy target to direct all that towards. Still, it doesn’t change how mind-numbingly frustrating it is to see these kids twisting every piece of information that comes their way. How could he think that was okay? Ozpin already gave you his answer. He said straight out that he doesn’t want to reveal all his secrets because the last two times he did that (Raven and Lionheart) he was betrayed and, presumably, that’s happened numerous times before. Yang insists that he can tell them his secrets. They’ll stand by him! But oh look, they wrenched the secrets from Ozpin forcibly and now they're not standing by him.

The girls are liars and hypocrites in this moment. Like I get it, they're also traumatized teenagers, but that doesn't change the fact that they're pulling the same shit Ozpin is currently getting all the flack for.  

I’ve mentioned before that there are a hundred reasons why Jinn’s answer to that question is complete BS. Even ignoring our audience-knowledge of how jinns tend to operate, we have the in-canon fact that she can’t answer anything about the future. Her answer regarding Salem's defeat is null and void in light of not knowing how the situation might change—how can she possibly say that Ozpin or another will never win? But even ignoring that too we have the additional fact that defeating Salem never was and never will be the true goal. Uniting humanity is. Keeping people safe from the grimm is. These are things everyone agreed to long before they even knew who Salem was. What? Did Team RWBY think they were going to wipe out the grimm in their lifetime? That they’d drive creatures to extinction that, as far as they know, have existed since the dawn of time? No. They were just planning to make the world a better place for as long as they could. They’d already agreed to a fight against an “impossible” to beat enemy. Fundamentally nothing has changed.

Yet Ozpin understands that suddenly learning that a Big Bad is immortal knocks a huge dent in everyone’s hope. He knows—largely from experience—that laying out the situation with no context or nuance (as Jinn did) will make people give up. And we already see it happening, not just in their reaction towards Ozpin, but in casual lines like Blake’s, “I just want to get this stupid relic to Atlas.” No doubt one of Ozpin’s greatest fears is that learning the truth will alienate people from fighting at all. It did for Raven. It did for Lionheart. And now it’s doing the same for the girls, with them acting like they just want to get the powerful relic out of their hands and then leave Ozpin to fight this war by himself. Though I don’t actually think the girls will give up (that would be a very different kind of story), that line is not reassuring right now and just re-emphasizes that Ozpin was right to be wary.

We also see it in Qrow’s exchange with Ozpin:

Qrow: “No one wanted me. I was cursed. I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world. I thought I was finally doing some good.”

Ozpin: “But you are—”

Qrow: “Meeting you was the worst luck of my life.”

No one is letting Ozpin finish. Yang demands to know why he kept his secrets and then cuts him off before he gets out more than an “I—”. They let him admit that he doesn’t have a plan, but no space to explain any context surrounding that statement. Here Ozpin tries to tell Qrow that he is doing good, he does have a place in this world, the existence of Salem does not suddenly negate everything else they’ve accomplished… but Qrow doesn’t let him get that far. At this point they’re not interested in listening to anything Ozpin has to say. This isn’t a conversation anymore, it’s an emotional witch hunt.

So is it any surprise that Ozpin eventually nopes out of there? Qrow has just punched him and, far more damaging, delivered that gut-wrenching line about how he’s the worst thing that ever happened to him. Again, context always matters. Two friends fighting and saying cruel things to one another? Not great, but survivable. Ozpin and Qrow aren’t just two friends though. Qrow is currently Ozpin’s only friend.

Let’s recap: His children are dead, his first host is dead, the original version of humanity that he knew? All dead. Who Ozma once was is gone, the gods he knew abandoned him, and the one remaining tie he has to his past is his genocidal ex-wife who’s hell-bent on killing him. Every host Ozpin has had since then has passed away or merged with him in some horrific amalgamation. His friends at Beacon are either out of reach or don’t know about his reincarnation trick and think he’s dead too. Raven sided with Salem over him. Lionheart, a friend for decades, sided with Salem over him. The children he’s traveling with are out for his blood, including the child he’s forced to share a body with. The one person he had left was Qrow… and Qrow just gave the biggest “fuck you” possible. Keep in mind the abuse coding from last episode and fill in the blanks of a couple thousand years. Then Ozpin told Salem the truth and was murdered along with his children. Now the truth comes out and he’s chucked into a tree and screamed at. Ozpin has been conditioned to expect nothing but violence when he bares himself emotionally… and people keep proving him right. He’s currently the lowest he's been in decades and there’s no one here to help pick him back up.

“Maybe you’re right," he says. Maybe I am the worst thing that’s ever happened to you all… so I’ll leave. As much as I’m able to, anyway.

The real kicker though? That’s just met with more anger. “That bastard!” Yang yells. “Tell him we’re not done yet!” Ozpin quite literally can’t do anything right in their eyes. Keep secrets to protect people? You’re evil. Spill secrets? You’re evil. Stick around to defend yourself? How dare you. Leave because you’re obviously not wanted? How dare you.

And you know what I just realized? At least one of the reasons why this arc feels so extreme to me? Because our characters are currently acting exactly like a large portion of the fanbase. For years RWBY viewers have demonized Ozpin and complained every time he came on screen, waiting for the day when the show would finally prove that he’s irredeemable trash. Except when that day came we actually learned that he’s a flawed, mortal man who was manipulated by a bunch of dick gods. Instead of acknowledging that hey, maybe we were wrong about his character, a huge portion of the fanbase has spent the last week grasping at straws in order to continue hating him. Ozpin has been sacrificing child soldiers to his war for millennia. (False). Ozpin has done nothing but lie to the cast since day one. (False). Ozpin raped Salem during his first reincarnation and was super abusive towards her. (False??)

Now we have this kind of mangled “justification” made canonical. Fans and characters alike are currently determined to make Ozpin their antagonist—no matter what.  

So Ozpin basically has a panic attack while still trying to give them what they supposedly want: a world where he’s not around to mess things up. Yet the girls’ hypocrisy is revealed once more. They despise every decision Ozpin makes… but still want him calling all the shots.

Weiss: “He just left us?”

Blake: “What are we going to do now?”

Newsflash, you can’t have it both ways. Lucky for them (since no one is willing to take on the responsibility that Ozpin has been shouldering) Maria steps up and announces that they need to put off this conversation until they’ve found someplace safe. Because grimm. Which is what they should have done in the first place and would have if Yang hadn’t thrown a temper tantrum. She starts yelling at Maria too—“Lady, I don’t know who you think you are”—which just further demonstrates how Yang is willing to take her anger out on anyone and anything that crosses her path. It’s not healthy. It’s certainly not fair to those around her and I really hope someone addresses this soon.

Maria: “I’m still coming to terms with the fact that this is Humanity’s second time around!”

You tell ‘em! Poor Maria was thrown into the deep end of the pool with no life preserver and she’s the only one managing to keep a level head. God bless this woman.

(Please don’t be evil, oh please don’t be evil.)

Maria: “If we don’t move we die and I’ll be damned if I’ve lived this long just to die out in the cold!”

And how long is that exactly? Long enough to have lived through the Great War? Inquiring minds want to know…

Ruby agrees though—beginning to segue back into her role as compassionate leader—and at her word everyone packs up the rest of their stuff and heads on out of that awful spot. Salt and burn the earth, girls. Leave it behind.

Except just when I think the emotional punches are through we get this horrible moment between Oscar and Qrow. Oscar tells Ruby, in an intimate moment of confidence, that he’s afraid he’s just going to be another life of Ozpin’s. Ruby immediately showed compassion again once Oscar switched back (reaching for him when he winced from the punch) and here she’s her old self again, reassuring him that no, he’ll always be his own person. That's the Ruby we love.

Then Qrow breezes by and denies it. “Don’t lie to him,” he says. “We’re better than that.”

Wow.

That was not okay. By any stretch of the imagination. Goddammit, Qrow, you’re the adult here and honestly I don’t give a damn how much you’re hurting right now, that doesn’t give you the right to take your anger out on an innocent kid. Oscar didn’t ask for this and the idea that he exists only to be Ozpin’s host is just blatantly untrue. You’re being cruel to him for cruelty’s sake which, I’d like to point out, we’ve yet to see Ozpin do. Despite all the trauma he’s suffered, he’s never taken his grief out on the children around him like that. He’s also never claimed to be above lying as Qrow just did. With the point being only that this group is making a LOT of mistakes right now while refusing to allow Ozpin his own.

With that lovely piece of advice we turn to the villains… which frankly felt like some much needed breathing room after “The Lost Fable” and these last five minutes. The fact that the villains’ plot-line is taking place in the past means that nothing revealed to them is news to the audience. Cinder’s alive? We knew that. Ozpin reincarnated? Obviously knew that too. The focus is instead on how they react to this information… and it turns out the answer is “Pretty damn violently.”

Before that though we see Hazel, Emerald, and Mercury arriving back at Salem’s palace (the same one that she and Oz once lived in together). I’ve already come across jokes about how Hazel is now the dad of the group, and while obviously this is just meant as a silly acknowledgement of some really flimsy compassion we see from him, Emerald does look to Hazel when she gets off the ship, clearly seeking reassurance after Cinder’s (presumed) death.

Tyrian is waiting to greet them and he’s his usual, creepy self—minus half a tail. Really though, he seems to have recovered quickly from Salem’s wrath last volume. He taunts Emerald about Cinder and when she threatens him he just cuts himself on her blade. Not gonna lie, I love Tyrian more and more as the series goes on. He’s the wild card of the group and as such remains endlessly entertaining.

Mercury is supportive of Emerald, helping her calm down a bit in the face of Tyrian’s taunts, and really all of this is a nice contrast to what we’re getting with Team RWBY: the villains are supporting one another while our heroes tear each other down. Remember all those references to how Salem’s victory will be in dividing humanity? Yeeeaah.

She’s obviously displeased with the report. Hazel tries to take responsibility for the defeat and, uh, this happens:

Look familiar? I’m getting very worried about what that intro shot of Qrow and the grimm arms is going to mean.

So Hazel is tortured for a while until Emerald admits that it was Cinder’s fault they lost. It’s all some really horrible mind games on Salem’s part: ask for an answer and torture the guy who provides you with one, get Emerald to call out the one person she cares for, casually drop that this person still lives, intimidate Watts for questioning her. Tyrian is the wild card, yes, but we know now that his ramblings about his “Queen” aren’t so random after all. Salem is still playing the part of the God we saw in Jinn’s flashback and her followers treat her accordingly. They do as she says out of fear. It’s what Salem lays out in the trailer: they can have their own desires, but only if they don’t interfere with her own.

Hazel drops the bomb that, oh yeah, your ex also reincarnated already, which puts an interesting twist on Salem’s anger. Meaning, I wonder if she’ll be more forgiving of their failure now that she knows they were unexpectedly facing Ozpin in Haven. Regardless, she’s not happy about the news.

At all.

We leave her letting one hell of a draft in and return to the gang. Yang bitches about how the path hasn’t led anywhere and Maria asks if she really doesn’t have anything “better to do than harass a defenseless old lady?”

More real talk: does Yang have experiences that explain her current attitude? Hell yes. Does all this make for compelling characterization? Absolutely. But right now I don’t like her. Having a reason to be angry doesn’t excuse the harm you do when you direct that anger towards those who don’t deserve it. From her pointing her weapon at Qrow to harassing Maria, I don’t think Yang is acting like a very good person right now and I haven't enjoyed her time on screen. An understandable development? Again, yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s acting like a brat and encouraging everyone else to do the same.

Of course, as soon as she challenges Maria the path leads them to a farmhouse. Not that Yang is ready to apologize for her attitude (another big difference between Ozpin’s mistakes and others’: he’s constantly apologizing for his). Weiss notes that the place looks deserted, but at least it’s better than staying out in the cold.

…Is it though? That farmhouse looks creepy as hell and I don’t trust it. To say nothing of the fact that we’ve got that sewer place from the intro right next door.

And that’s where we end up, the gang walking into this abandoned, potentially grimm-infested farm while they’re all pissed at each other and the gate squeaks ominously closed behind them. Oh yeah. I’m feeling real good about the next episode.

(Not.)

Other Details of Note

I’m intrigued by the fact that Jinn seems to have dissipated immediately after finishing her story, both because personality-wise she seems like the kind to stick around and gloat, and also because they’ve still got one question left. We saw Awful Facial Hair Oz ask his questions back-to-back, so unless Jinn streamlined things for convenience’s sake there doesn’t seem to be a wait period between each question… I don’t know. Narratively it makes sense (wanna clear Jinn out so there’s no distraction from the Ozpin bashing), but in-world the rules governing these relics seem a little murky.

So Salem knows Cinder is alive. I wonder if that’s connected to the grimm arm she gave her. If Salem has ties to Cinder that she hasn’t bothered to explain yet. Hmm. Wonder if she can control Cinder’s arm like she does the other grimm…

Salem also mentions the Sword of Destruction and intended to go after it before she heard that Ozpin had already reincarnated. Will that be the next relic on the list then?

With the exception of Ruby fighting the sewer grimm and everyone facing off against someone off screen, we’ve hit on most of the imagery from the trailer and intro already. I’ll be interested to see what the rest of the volume holds since it looks like that vast majority of that material is being kept carefully under-wraps.

Still looking forward to reconciliation. Still putting a lot of stock in that one image from the intro lol

[daughter-o-f-eris]

I still want Princess Marco as the new ruler of Mewni

So I came up with a fan theory a while ago that Marco could be a descendant of Meteora, either by being her son or by being a distant descendant after the family relocated to earth to avoid further persecution from the Mewmans.

I still stand by this fun theory until the creators tell me 100% otherwise. I mean this show his magic, and we have seen evidence of Time and Memory Erasing magic - so any combination is possible to make these theories come true.

Anyway, in the recent episodes we did find out that, yes Tom is in fact a monster. Just like Star said before, there wasn’t a difference between him and the others besides his money and title. This is going to challenge so many barriers for so many people in Mewni, so many people who thought they were one thing or even better than others are going to have their entire world challenged. Like Ponyhead, she’s a monster, how will she react when it’s pointed out that she’s the same as BuffFrog?(Probably say whateve’s and just state that no mater what she’s just gonna be the flyest thing in the room no matter what. Come on who else can hear her say that.)

Anyway back to Marco, I really like the idea of him taking the crown to rule for a few reasons.

1. He can build a bridge than Star could because he understands both sides better.

2. Sorry Star, but I do think Marco would be a better leader than you. They did acknowledge that Marco is older, that his age did stay from when he trained with Heckapoo, so he does have those years of maturity. Now does he act goofy sometimes still, yes but that could just be personality, but overall he does make way way better choices than Star. Star is better suited for combat, like a military leader, but Marco does make better choices on behalf of the group. He would make the better long term choices to ensure the kingdom would thrive.

3. He sees the big picture. Star is pretty narrow minded, even with the best intentions. Like with the monsters, she sees the straight path of wanting to have everyone get along, but doesn’t see all of the obstacles that could prevent that from happening. Sometimes you can’t just charge through the front door and take what you want, you need more of a plan to safely achieve your goal.

4. Dude has already changed more for the people of Mewni than Star has. I mean, Marco is a feminist, he lead a revolution for the princesses, never once said this is how a girl or boy ‘should or shouldn’t’ act, and has just treated everyone with respect until said person showed their true colors and showed what a buttface they really were. Monster, princess, mewman, Marco has treated everyone the same and inturn has earned the respect of everyone around him. Even the ones who were jerks and though his kindness was weakness, when he showed it wasn’t, they corrected themselves. If Marco and Star lead a campaign for leader, and neither one could offer ‘I can use magic’ who do you think would get the most votes? I mean, Star is great, but what has she done for her people? Defeat Toffee? The bad guy who was attacking the kingdom in direct retaliation to the attack and persecution her family inflected on him and his people? Not that, that justifies his actions, ok she took out Toffee (I won’t count Ludo since he was possessed). What else. Did she do anything else for her people, big or small? Oh she got BuffFrog a job, ok 2 things. Still think Marco’s pulling ahead but ok.

5. Personal preference - I just want to see Tom react to finding out he’s no better than Marco. So Tom has a complex if you haven’t picked up on it. I think he does care for Star, and when she started caring for Marco, his inferiority complex went to ‘she likes him better because he’s not a monster. But I’m still better because I’m rich and royal’. Well what would happen if Marco was ‘also’ rich and royal....and possibly part monster. That would make both guys the same, in that regard. Then it would just be a matter of who’s the better royal, Tom has already said he doesn’t do politics so I don’t see him doing much if he doesn’t have to and I’ve already given my two cents on how great Marco is.

6. People are gonna hate me, but I DON’T want Star and Marco as a couple. I see them more like Will and Grace, more than friends but less than lovers. Their personalities mesh well to be best friends but I don’t think would work well as life partners. I think they would work well as friends/ ruler and general of the army - but as king and queen, I don’t think so. I think they each sorta gravitated to each other because they were each so different than what they were normally around. I mean look at all the guys Star had dated/ been around before she met Marco. They were nothing like him, and that’s what made her grow closer to him. Plus all those new feelings could be mistaken for love, they’re teenagers! They don’t know what they’re feeling. Same for Marco. Star is unlike any girl he’s ever met, he wants to be there for her, but it’s very easy to mistake platonic love for romantic love. Especially when everyone around you is pairing up and you’re all alone.

7. Could Marco still be related to Eclipsa and Meteora - I think yes. For one, magic. Old tried and true but yes, memory eraser or something could have placed him on earth. Option B, he’s just a descendent. Option C, his parents are really, really weird. I mean really weird. Aside from M. Jackson how many people named their 2nd son after their 1st. And why did Marco have to explain that to them? He even mentioned to Kelly back at the Goblin Dog truck that he felt like he was raising them, who’s to say they aren’t some sort of magic creature guardians that were sappost to keep an eye on him as part of a coverup, and are just failing since they have no idea what humans are sappost to do? And as far as his mom being pregnant, well I mean we can just see how that unfolds. All ‘we’ the viewer see is her belly and a very clear sonogram picture, yes I know it’s a cartoon but that would have to be one heck of a mole to show up like that. So yah, they could be like goblins or something, using magic to hide their form.

Lol how funny would the reveal be if like the Mom goes into labor, Marco is trying to help, but strangely his parents keep trying to shoo him away. He ends up staying because there’s no other choice...and out pops a baby goblin.

As my gift to you for reading this long post, just take a moment to imagine Marco’s face, and his parents trying to cover it up.

Marco: ( just bug eyed while he holds the goblin baby)

Dad and mom share a scared look.

Dad: *gasp* “Honey! How could you!”

[the-bounce-back]

26 LIFE LESSONS LEARNT IN 26 YEARS

So… ya girl turned 26 back in May. I had originally planned to post this the day after my birthday for maximum dramatics and symbolism, but here we are.

Yes, I am painfully aware that my birthday was over 4 months ago now, and yes, I have already been dragged to the moon and back by both myself and my friends for not finishing the post on time (it’s been chilling in my drafts since, like, late April)… so face your front and mind your business.

All jokes aside, these past months have been insanely chaotic for us all on both a personal level and global scale. Everyone and everything seems to have gone mad. A whole pandemic… having to literally fight for equal rights and justice in 2020... having to watch world leaders single-handedly destroy the countries that they themselves campaigned to govern... and on top of that, being forced to stay indoors and not being able to do whatever you want?! Sh*t, I’m even surprised that myself or anyone I know hasn’t been sectioned yet. This whole year needs to be put in rice, immediately.

I can’t lie, watching everything unfold these past few months - while struggling to come up with ways to entertain myself because of the constant negative news and energy drifting round and stifling my creativity - has had a massive toll on my mental health. Although my coping skills have become a lot better over the years, how in the hell was I (or any of us) meant to prepare for a year of constant chaos, death  and revolt? No one could’ve seen it coming, and that’s why these circumstances have made me feel like my mental health has been dropkicked in the throat. We’re not built to be cooped up at home for so long, and we’re definitely not built to have to consume heartbreaking and traumatising media on a daily basis. No wonder so many people have been feeling like they’ve lost the plot.

On top of that, I’ve also been dealing with a lot of other things - because when it rains, it pours. Not being able to distract myself by doing fun stuff because of Corona has somehow given my subconscious the confidence to go absolutely apesh*t. This, in the sense that a lot of past situations I’ve forced myself to suppress over the years to be able to just function like a normal(ish) human being have managed to claw their way to the surface and demand my attention like a bunch of spoilt and crying toddlers. To put it in the least dramatic way possible, these feelings and memories have been killing my ~*vibe*~... like, a lot. Ya girl’s been going through it. It’s been particularly hard because I promised myself at the beginning of the year to work harder on not obsessing so much over past situations that I have no control over, but due to the circumstances I’ve forced myself to give myself a break and take each thought as it comes.

Yes, this is all very depressing - but despite everything, there have also been a lot of silver linings of this lockdown. Besides day drinking, chick flick marathons and chatting sh*t on facetime 24/7, having all this time to focus on my mental and spiritual health has definitely taught me a lot about myself. I genuinely feel positive and like this time of my life is needed to be able to grow and evolve when I’m not in that negative state of mind. These experiences coming back to the surface and demanding to be felt and dealt with may be hella exhausting, but I’ve definitely done this enough now to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that one day I’ll be able to fully make sense of it and fully heal.  And when I finally have gotten to that stage, I will definitely write a few posts about it - because no one should feel like they have to deal with this level of headf*ckery alone.

Anyways, there you have it - another long-ass excuse for my lack of productivity. But hey, at least it’s valid. 

Enough with all the dark sh*t - we have more than enough time to revisit that and other fun stuff in another post, don’t worry! Instead, let’s pretend that it’s still the day after my birthday, that I am editing this with a hangover while stuffing my face with leftover cake, that I am indeed capable of keeping personal deadlines and that I haven’t been AWOL for over a quarter of a year. Keep on reading for 26 big and small life lessons I’ve learnt along the way in this dunya, in no particular order. It’s going to be a very long one (tip: scroll and find the ones that resonate the most with you), so get cozy, put the kettle on and get some snacks or whatever. 

1. You are still young - do not compare your journey to other’s.

Okay, so I’m definitely projecting with this one. When I turned 25 last year I had a bit (a lot) of a minor (major) existential crisis because I was very far from where I had always expected to be at 25 years old. Career-wise, fitness-wise, finance-wise and relationship-wise I just felt like a massive failure, and like from that moment on life would just go downhill. I made the mistake of comparing myself to my agemates and people younger than me, and seeing other people’s success when my own life was a mess didn’t exactly make it better.

For this year - despite me now being on the wRoNg side of 25 - I feel very calm and even happy about getting older, simply because I realised that my time will come and that everyone's journey is different. For this reason, comparing your progress to other’s doesn’t even make sense and just puts a load of unnecessary pressure on yourself. Be patient - all the work you’re putting in now will pay off soon.

2. Take time to reconnect with your ~*inner child*~.

I know, I know - it all sounds awfully hippy-dippy, but hear me out. In short, your inner child refers to the subpersonality that still feels, thinks and reacts as you did when you were younger, and reconnecting with that childlike aspect of yourself can be beneficial to your mental wellbeing and psyche for many different reasons. 

The main reasons I have focused on reconnecting with my inner child in the past couple of years have been for a) learning how to tap into that creative, free and spontaneous nature I had as a kid before life got in the way; b) to heal wounds that occurred in my childhood that are still holding me back, and c) to reparent my inner child by unlearning toxic mindsets and behaviours that have had a negative impact on my life. 

In terms of creativity, I remembered how much I used to love drawing and writing as a child, and returning to these passions as an adult has had such a massively positive impact on my mental health in ways that I can’t even begin to describe. Doing activities you used to love as a kid should really be considered acts of self-care, because the childlike joy and excitement that comes from it? Absolutely bladdy priceless.

Then there’s the dark and mildly traumatising side of reconnecting with your inner child. Revisiting and analysing what can be very emotionally painful memories is never going to be a delightful task - but trust me when I say that you have to push through it, regardless of how long it takes. There aren’t any shortcuts or detours involved when trying to heal a wounded inner child, so make sure that you are patient with yourself and take the time you need to heal.

All in all - regardless of if you’re trying to get your creativity flowing, trying to enjoy life more in general or trying to unpack almost a couple decades worth of trauma (my personal favourite!), setting aside some time to really reflect and remember your thoughts and feelings from way back then really does help make sense of your thoughts and feelings as an adult. I’ll even bet money that every single insecurity and doubt you may have about yourself can be traced back to something that happened during your childhood - which is why reconnecting with yourself at that age is imperative if you want to truly heal.

3. Be confident about your creative projects.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt in life so far is definitely understanding the fine line between confidence and arrogance. I can only really speak for myself - although I know that a lot of women can relate - but I was raised to be humble about a lot of my accomplishments. It got to the point where even the slightest self-acknowledgement of my talents made me feel like I was being arrogant, attention seeking and braggy, so for a long time I kept a lot of W’s and my pride in my work to myself. However, this is one of the aforementioned toxic mindsets that I’m currently working on unlearning - because if I don’t hype up myself and my talents, who will?

After speaking to friends about similar topics I get the impression that this reluctance to hype up our own creativity goes - in many cases - way back to a time during which we might not have had our creativity appreciated and validated as children. For me, this makes a lot of sense because I was extremely creative and had a very vivid imagination as a child, but I think somewhere along the way it got stifled by the pressure of making certain family members (who thought anything remotely right-brain stimulating was a waste of time) proud. 

Anyways, it doesn’t matter anymore. Now that I’ve realised that my creative vision is a blessing, and that being confident in the quality of my work has nothing to do with being arrogant, you best believe that I will self-validate every single project I complete, and I hope you will do the same.

4. Love and take care of your body.

I mean this from both a body-image and health point of view. I spent way too many years of my life hating my body and hating looking different to literally everyone around me, and I’d be lying if I said that realising how damaging this self-hatred was doesn’t get me in my feelings from time to time. However, I have been able to get out of this mindset - for the most part - and can now appreciate that my body is beautiful, and that the perfect body I was always striving towards doesn’t even exist.

With that being said, it is important to remember that loving your body goes beyond self-acceptance... It also entails taking care of it through exercise and healthy eating. 

I know, it sucks. I don’t make the rules.

I’ve definitely been struggling with being healthy during my 20s - partially due to my sweet tooth and partially due to comfort eating and other unhealthy coping methods when my mental health was at its worst. As expected, my initial reaction to the weight gain was piling even more self-hate and pressure onto myself, when I really should have been kinder and more understanding to myself during that time. I should have used exercise and healthy eating as a coping mechanism to get better, instead of forcing myself to lose weight in a harmful manner due to feelings of disgust for my body.

CoUlD’Ve, WoUlD’Ve, ShOuLd’Ve… Sigh. Hindsight really is 20/20. What’s important is that it’s never too late to start the self-love journey, and that your body is beautiful regardless of the form it currently happens to be in.

5. Know how to communicate effectively.

That is, with people who are genuinely worth your time and energy. No matter how good of a person you are, there will always be people that seem to be entirely committed to misunderstanding you, twisting your words and trying to make you out to be a bad person. Hell, you might even be that person in someone else’s life... whether you realise it or not (I reckon I probably am). Trying to communicate with someone that has no desire or intention of getting to a level of understanding with you is literally the most frustrating and draining task ever - which is why I no longer do it if I don’t have to. There’s literally no point, and I’m just exerting energy over someone that is probably enjoying the conflict - so why bother?

With that being said, learning how to respectfully disagree, give constructive criticism, set boundaries, resolve conflict, listen to and g-check the people that you do genuinely want in your life becomes more and more important with age. I’m definitely guilty of leaving things unsaid or unresolved in the past - due to fear of offending/losing friends that meant a lot to me at the time - but we’re aDuLtS now, guys. If we can’t talk without constantly having to sugarcoat things, are we even really friends?

The answer is definitely a resounding ‘no’ from me, and since adopting this mindset - along with knowing when to distance myself from people that are literal energy vampires - my life has been a lot more peaceful. 11/10, would recommend.

6. Eliminate fear of failure.

Obviously, no one wants to fail at anything. But I’ve genuinely found that my biggest L’s in life have been the most character building and taught me the biggest life lessons. Although it might be hard to see how the situation is making you evolve when you’re neck deep in the sh*t, once you get into the mindset that failing is a learning opportunity,  you’ll see that your ego won’t be as wounded when things don’t work out the way you wanted them to.

Again, I can only speak for myself, but I feel like many of us with immense fears of failing at something were probably raised in environments in which failure was not an option and often followed by some kind of negative reaction (e.g. undermining of intelligence, disappointment, verbal abuse etc). I think that constantly associating failure with this kind of shame has made us terrified of making perfectly human mistakes. Mistakes that we wouldn’t pay any mind to if someone else were making, but that we beat ourselves up over -  just because it’s us.

Or maybe that’s just me. I don’t know, man. Regardless, teaching myself that failure and making mistakes is okay and part of the process has made me feel a lot more secure in myself and my capabilities - simply because I now know that there aren’t any mistakes that are unfixable and it’s never that deep. At the end of the day, as long as I know in my soul that I’ve done my best, there’s really no need for negative self-talk.

7. Pick your battles.

I.e. don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s so wild to me that a couple short years ago I would let every minor inconvenience, disagreement and disappointment caused by others really get to me and ruin my day. Nowadays I have gotten so good at simply removing myself from situations and people that just bring negativity into my life, because honestly? The stress isn’t worth it. Life is so much more peaceful when you refuse to give energy to negativity and toxic/inconsistent people, and once I got past the feelings of guilt for not being so available to everyone it really became one of the best choices I ever made.

8. Be kind.

This one is a cliche and a no-brainer, but still very imperative. Remembering that literally everyone has their own sh*t going on - regardless of if they speak on it or not - is extremely important, especially in terms of us interacting with each other. Being kind, sensitive and respectful to others literally costs nothing, and positive energy has a tendency to be contagious.

Obviously (for me at least), this becomes a slightly different story when the person involved constantly allows whatever they are going through to affect the way they interact with you. Things like lashing out, self-isolation and self-destructive behaviours are all tell-tale signs that the issue isn’t with you and that you shouldn’t take it personally, but of course everyone has limits to how much they can empathise with these kind of behaviours. As someone that has been on both the receiving and giving end of this kind of behaviour, I’ve found that the best approach for me is to still be kind, but to love and support them from afar - simply because I know that I have a tendency to take things to heart when I’m not even the issue. The bottom line is to try your best to be kind and understanding, but also to know when to distance yourself from toxic behaviours that can end up taking a toll on you.

9. Process your feelings.

I definitely get it. Sometimes life throws sh*t at us that is a lot easier to just push to the back of our minds so we can stay focused on what we have going on at the time. But believe me when I say that whatever feelings you squash, ignore and push past now will come back to haunt you in the future. 

Okay, so this sounds very dramatic and ominous. Your feelings aren’t going to take physical form and beat you up… however, it might feel like this is what is happening. Obviously this differs from person to person, but I’ve found that when I don’t allow myself time to process my feelings as soon as possible after they’ve been triggered, there is a risk of me being re-triggered and snapping again at a later stage - albeit at something wildly unrelated and minor. In other words, small small issues that pile up on top of negative feelings end up becoming the straw that breaks the camel’s back, the drop that spilled the glass, and whatever other corny and related sayings you can think of.

What I’m trying to say is that carrying around the weight of unresolved negative feelings takes a toll on you, no matter how resilient and ~*zen*~ you are. I have no doubt in my mind that carrying past negative feelings, trauma and pain for days, weeks, months and even years has detrimental effects on both your mental and physical health. There is a lot of research to explain this further, and I have also seen these effects on family members, friends and myself when times have been tougher than usual.

With that being said, it might sound like you’re screwed if you’ve gotten to this age and not learnt how to fully feel your feelings. I’ve been feeling that way for about five years now, I reckon. However, it’s never too late to strive for good mental health and to deal with unresolved feelings/trauma - once you get past the fear of being triggered by the bad memories, you soon realise that that’s all they are; they can’t hurt you if you don’t let them.

10. Be ‘selfish’.

So, we’re at that age now where - traditionally speaking - we’re sUpPoSeD to be looking to settle down. Get married, have kids, get a mortgage, be on a set career path… all of that adult stuff that always used to seem so far away, but is now heavily breathing down our necks and killing our vibes. It’s upsetting me and my homegirls, to be honest.

All jokes aside, there is nothing wrong with wanting these things for yourself at this age. However, my point is that millennials/Gen Z (especially women) are put under insane amounts of pressure in their twenties to have all their sh*t together - either by family or just society in general. Meanwhile, many of us are so riddled with anxiety, insecurities, unresolved trauma and lacking a sense of self due to constantly trying to please others and to not be a disappointment to the older generation that we don’t even know which way is up anymore. This is where selfishness comes in.

No, being selfish doesn’t mean to be an inconsiderate d*ck to everyone around you in this context - sorry to disappoint. I mean that it’s important that we take the time to slow down, not be so hard on ourselves and to focus on finding our own path, purpose, dream career etc on our own terms - not to please someone else. Now is the time to unpack your traumas, ~*find yourself*~, and unlearn any destructive mindsets and behaviours you’ve picked up during your childhood and teenage years. Now is the time to learn how to love and accept yourself fully. The way I see it, if you don’t make time for this, a happy, lifelong marriage and strong, healthy relationships with children you bring into the world (if that’s what you want) are a myth - simply because healthy relationships require inner peace. Even if you don’t see yourself going down the ‘traditional life plan’ route, this is still extremely important.

Times are changing; there is nothing wrong with doing certain things later in life if you’re not emotionally, mentally, physically or financially ready to deal with it… no matter what your parents/judgemental aunties/condescending uncles might try to tell you.

11. Take people at face value - not for their potential.

If I got a pound for every single time I’ve told myself this over the years, blatantly ignored it and then ended up getting hurt, I would’ve spent this entire lockdown at an all-inclusive luxury resort on a beach somewhere hot, instead of struggling in a germ-infested London. Honestly. I try not to get mad at myself for this, but it’s very hard not to because it ends up being a cycle that infinitely repeats itself in all my relationships (platonic, non-platonic and family) - leaving me feeling like Boo Boo the Fool for not listening to my intuition.

In my defense, I get myself into these situations because despite coming across as a sarcastic and heartless piece of sh*t sometimes, I genuinely do try to see the best in people and give them a chance to prove themselves as a good and positive influence in my life. This in itself isn’t the problem. The problem is that once I see even a molecule of potential in someone, I very easily latch on to that potential and become Stevie Wonder to the million red flags that pop up over time… and I don’t even realise how disrespected I’ve been until further down the line or long after the situation is over. I reckon that this insistence on riding for people that end up doing me dirty stems from knowing what it feels like to be given up on, or dismissed before even getting to prove myself. It’s a really, really sh*tty feeling, and I think I’m just wired to not want anyone to feel that way because of me.

In other words, my niceness and understanding/accommodating/empathetic qualities might be some of the best things about me - but they really invite sh*tty people to take advantage of me. 

The bottom line is that despite wanting to push people to be their best selves, there really isn’t much you can do unless they want your help. Unfortunately, a lot of people would rather fake a desire to improve themselves instead of just saying that they don’t want help - simply because they enjoy the attention and the energy that they end up leaching from you while you’re worrying about them and their (non-existent) ambitions.It’s literally only recently that I’ve kind of figured out how to combat this, and now I see right through these type of people, and can cut them off with ease. Again - it’s all about protecting your energy, and making sure you only give it to people that are genuinely trying to improve and elevate themselves. You are not a charity - stop allowing useless somebodies to deplete your life force just because their own is clearly not enough to keep them motivated.

12. Be self-aware in a healthy and constructive way.

As you’ve probably gathered from reading this, I am insanely self-aware. I honestly don’t think there is a single negative thing someone could say about me or my character that I am not already trying to work on, or at the very least am aware of. Of course, being so in tune with myself for most of my life used to make me overanalyse everything I said and did - sometimes years after it happened - and I’d be so harsh, mean and critical towards myself for things that weren’t even that deep when I look back on them.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t think there’s a ‘cure’ for overanalysing and overthinking everything. Once you’re aware, it’s very hard to just stop - believe me, I’ve tried. But what I’ve tried my best to do instead is to flip my overthinking into something positive. By this, I mean that when I’m up at 4am and start to deep my whole life and everything I should’ve done differently, I try to focus on what I’ve learnt and how much I’ve grown from the situation, and how much of a better person going through that situation has made me. This is definitely something I’m still working on, since negative thought patterns that have been imposed on you from a young age are very hard to break. But what’s important is that I try, and it has definitely helped me be kinder to myself.

13. Don’t let feelings distract you from your goals.

More projection for ya headtops. Tantalising humans really just pop up out of nowhere when you least expect it sometimes, and when the connection is there it can become dangerously easy to get carried away and lose focus on your own goals. I’ve been very vocal about my opinion about how healthy relationships are meant to elevate and inspire you as opposed to stressing you out and holding you back, so this isn’t exactly anything new to those who have read my blog for a while. 

With that being said… I get it. Meeting someone new is hella exciting - of course you want to make an effort and see how things go. It’s easy for me to come on here and say that you should make sure that you don’t go catching feelings for someone that wouldn’t want you to continue shining and flourishing in your lane while with them, but we all know that a) we can’t help who we fall for, and b) me saying so would make me the hypocrite of the millennium. I’m not sure how or why I manage to attract (and get attracted to) people that I later on down the line realise do more harm to my goals than good… but at least I’ve learnt a lot from those situations, and I’m a lot more picky about who I deem deserving of my time now. 

14. Always make time for #self-care.

There’s not much to explain here besides reminding you that the world and everyone in it is mad, so taking time to yourself and doing something you know will make you feel better during a hard time (or even a simple time, let’s be real)  is crucial in this life.

Get the takeaway. Buy the shoes. Do a cheeky face mask. Have your 3rd bubble bath of the week.

 Life really is too short and too crazy to deny yourself the little pleasures, so do it and do it without any feelings of guilt. If you’re anything like me, I’m confident you’ll think of a reason for why you deserve it - no matter how ridiculous it may be.

15. Get comfortable with being alone with your thoughts.

Okay, so I feel like I’ve discussed this topic to death, so I won’t delve too deep into it here. Instead, I’ll just reiterate that learning how to just sit alone with your thoughts and feelings from time to time - especially at this age - is imperative for your mental health. 

As important as it is to have genuine and supportive friends that you can open up to about your mental, it’s important to remember that there are always abstract thoughts and feelings lurking beneath the surface, that you couldn’t even put into words even if you tried. Regardless of if it’s unresolved feelings, suppressed traumas or an uneasy gut feeling/your intuition, some things just can’t be explained until you’ve been able to figure out where these thoughts are stemming from - and I firmly believe that this “detective work” needs to be done alone to be able to get to the root cause of the thought/feeling. 

It goes without saying that delving deep into yourself to try to figure out what these thoughts/feelings mean can be a very intimidating and triggering task - so I fully understand why a lot of people struggle with facing this alone. To clarify, I am not saying that you shouldn’t turn to friends for support if you need it - I am saying that as great as your friends may be, they can’t read your mind and will never be able to do so. Only you can know for sure exactly what you’re thinking and feeling, and taking time alone to allow yourself to become in tune with your mind and understand yourself on a deeper level is the first step towards being able to put your feelings into words -  and to be able to communicate them to others.

16. Don’t let fear of judgement stop you from doing whatever the hell you want.

This has been a major one for me the past couple of years. As I’m sure you know, regardless of what you do, say, wear or look, there will always be people - sometimes even complete strangers - who will have something snide to say in an attempt to discourage you from trying to do your thing. I’ve mentioned in previous posts how many hairstyle, outfit, blog and creative ideas that I’ve scrapped because of fear of being judged, and I try not to get annoyed with myself for caring so much - because it’s not my fault. I’m sure many of you will relate to being raised in an environment in which you were almost forced to conform to whatever was seen as a rEsPeCtAbLe lifestyle. If you didn’t, you’d be deemed a disruption to the status quo by others… which we were conditioned to believe was a terrible crime. Shock horror.

I’m here to tell you to not give a f*ck about their opinion - because who in the blue hell are they?

After being very concerned about what others think of me for most of my life, finally realising that judgement from others usually stems from their own insecurities, bitterness, jealousy or an otherwise tragic and unfulfilled existence came as a massive breath of fresh air. I even feel sorry for people that feel the need to insert their sh*tty little opinions into things I do, because I don’t even think they realise that it’s falling on deaf ears and blind eyes now. I’ve literally become Helen Keller to the nonsense now, because I don’t have time. And they’re wasting their energy. Poor things. I hope they get some rest soon.

With that being said, it does take time to get to a point of not being phased by judgement. A lot of time - for me, I’d say it’s been a couple of years. I still have a long way to go in regards to not being phased by judgement coming from people whose opinions I still care about too much (i.e.  family members and other people I look up to), but the key for me was definitely baby steps.

17. Learn how to forgive.

As appealing as holding on to everlasting hatred towards someone that did you dirty sounds, trust me when I say that the best thing you can do for yourself in this kind of situation is to forgive them - or at the very least try. Carrying anger, hate and resentment in your heart is extremely emotionally draining, and let’s face it… the person in question is most likely sleeping soundly at night, at peace, snoring, drooling and having happy dreams about living rent-free in your head after all this time.

The thing about forgiveness, I’ve learnt, is that it doesn’t have to mean that suddenly everything is okay again, or that what they did somehow became erased overnight. Absolutely not. Instead, forgiveness has become a tool to give myself closure over a situation, letting myself accept that what happened happened and to reclaim my sanity after being angry about it for a long time. It’s for me and my mental health - not for the person that hurt me.

Additionally, it is important to remember that forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily have to mean that you are now obliged to continue being nice and cordial with the person. If you’re on that level of maturity, honestly… you deserve all the accolades, because I don’t think I could ever do it. For me, most of the time the person in question won’t even know that they’ve been forgiven - and I like it that way. I just wish them the best from afar and keep it pushing once I’ve healed from the situation. Regardless of the choices you make in relation to your own situations, just make sure that you’re doing it for yourself and not out of consideration for the other person.

18. Understand that your ~*purpose(s)*~ may take time to become clear.

Bare in mind, this is coming from someone that still has no idea what the f*ck she wants to do with her life. Honestly, every year around my birthday I try to figure out why I’m even on this planet - and every year I think I have the answer before life comes and humbles me again.

While I’m not particularly interested in getting into existential questions regarding if life even has a purpose, I will say this - just keep doing your thing. Stay in tune with your emotional, spiritual and mental health so you can determine whether or not you feel you’re on the correct path for you. If you’re anything like me, you will feel in your heart when you’re not where you’re meant to be, regardless of if it’s a job, a new activity you’re trying out or even a relationship. If your gut feeling is telling you that something isn’t for you - don’t ignore it. Eventually you should get a fair gist of where you should be going and what you should be doing - even if the actual purpose in itself doesn’t become apparent until much later. 

Or at least, this is what my theory is. As I said, I have no clue. But this is what I’m doing and it’s definitely been working.

19. Don’t feel forced to have a detailed life plan.

Don’t get me wrong here - having goals, plans and aspirations is extremely important. However, having your whole life planned to the minute just isn’t realistic. I have written about how I used to be extremely adamant on being in control of every single situation, and would have a minor (major) breakdown whenever plans changed in a way that I couldn’t affect.

Having a nervy b everytime something doesn’t work out in your favour is obviously a very counterproductive (and hella childish) coping mechanism - if you can even call it that. Nowadays, I just try to stay as open minded and flexible as possible whenever life feels like throwing me one of its cute little curveballs, so I can try my best to adapt to the situation and keep moving forward, as opposed to throwing all my toys out of the pram like a spoilt brat whenever a minor obstacle to my plans presents itself.

What’s more is that having a rigid life plan with hard deadlines for when you should’ve accomplished certain things leads to - in my experience - another unnecessary reason to start criticising yourself, which we at this point know is a waste of time, energy and just bad vibes in general.

Just relax. Honestly. You’re doing great, regardless of if you’re exactly where you want to be or not. 

20. Put yourself first. Always.

I’ve touched on this multiple times in this post already, but I definitely feel like it deserves its own point. I also want to direct this specifically to women - although some of the gems of wisdom I’m about to drop can be applied to men too, I assume. I don’t really care if they don’t though, to be honest - everything else in this world is already for them, so I’m sure reading something that isn’t won’t kill them.

Sis. I know you are exhausted from being strong all the time - yet here you are, still standing and still fighting. For what it’s worth, know that whoever and wherever you are - I am extremely proud of you for constantly picking yourself up and dusting yourself off every time you are mistreated, disrespected and/or taken for granted.

But it shouldn’t be like that.

You may have been taught early in life to always put your own health, happiness, dreams and wellbeing to the side when needed to accommodate and support others - because that’s what women are mEaNt To Do. But this is so inherently f*cked up, wrong and unfair - it genuinely pisses me off whenever I think about it because it literally makes zero sense to me. It reinforces the notion that we only exist to serve, protect, help and satisfy others needs - whether it be in a family setting, at work or in relationships… almost as if we aren’t human beings with feelings.

Yeah… f*ck that. Call it tough love, but I really need you to grow a back bone right now. Too many times have I personally felt/heard about us feeling the need to bend over backwards for people that do nothing to help or protect us from the pains that life can bring, so clearly you need to be there for your own damn self. Think about it - that ex/potential/fwb/mcm that you’ve spent so many sleepless nights obsessing, crying and worrying about, and that you tried so hard to keep satisfied to the point of mental, emotional and physical exhaustion - where are they now? Living rent free in your head and almost definitely not thinking about you.

Yes, I am a little heated. Yes, I am projecting. And yes, if I ever catch you placing a mans needs and feelings over your own, you will catch these hands because clearly you haven’t been listening.

All jokes aside and as cheesy as it sounds - you are a queen, and I need you to step into your power right now. I want so much better for you, and you can’t get better until you fix your priorities. Your focus should always be on protecting your heart and mental/spiritual health - regardless of the situation you find yourself in. It is 100% possible to nurture and care for others without giving up your sense of self and power, so please, please, please find a balance that empowers and benefits you, and you alone. 

21. Learn how to practice detachment.

I have plans to write a post about this in depth in the near future, so I won’t delve too deep into it here. In short, detachment refers to the practice of severing ties to people, feelings and memories that may have meant a lot to you for a long time and had a major impact on your life, but that you now realise are toxic and are holding you back from moving forward and growing as a person. Essentially, it is all about forgiving, forgetting, letting go and moving on from whatever hurt that may still be lingering long after the situation is over - and never bringing it up again.

Sounds great right?

Wrong. Detachment f*cking sucks - but it is extremely important. As I’ve mentioned earlier, I naturally hate giving up on people and I tend to obsessively reflect on past situations. I try to convince myself that all this reflecting and overthinking is helping me heal - which it has, to a certain degree - but the honest truth is that it takes up a lot of time in the present. It’s emotionally exhausting and time consuming. Detachment, on the other hand, basically forces you to not even acknowledge the past pain and hurt someone has caused you, and placing all your focus on the present and the future… so this is naturally a very hard task for me. 

With that being said, it’s pretty obvious that it’s not going to be easy for anybody. Reaching a level of emotional maturity in which you can completely disregard the pain someone that meant a lot to you has caused you really sounded impossible to me at first - especially mixed with the complicated feeling of not wanting to “abandon” the person that hurt you. But I’ve been working on this very hard during the lockdown, and I can confirm that after doing it for a while you begin to realise that the situation's power over you is entirely determined by the importance you attach to it. Once you learn how to remove that importance and your emotions from the equation, you’re one step closer to being able to truly move on.

Anyways. Stay tuned for a post about this because there is a lot to unpack.

22. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

This is another one I struggle with a lot, because who wants to feel like a weak-ass b*tch who can’t manage on her own? Not I, said the cat.

All jokes aside, I think many of us can relate to not wanting to bUrDeN our friends and family with our struggles and problems, simply because we’re now at an age where everyone has their own lives to tend to and figure out. No one wants to feel like they’re being annoying, or feel stupid and paranoid about being judged because they can’t figure their own sh*t out (more projection for ya!). 

I’ve really been working hard to get rid of the notion that asking for help has anything to do with intelligence or capability, but it’s very difficult to do so when you’ve been raised in an environment where admitting that you can’t manage to do something alone was often equated with not trying hard enough, or not being smart enough. Asking for help was seen as a weakness and a last resort, and I’d often feel ashamed to admit that I was struggling with something.

The funny thing is that while I apply all these rules about not burdening/disturbing people with my problems to myself, I’d literally drop everything in a nanosecond to help a friend out if I could. I’ve noticed this a lot with my friends, too - we’re reluctant to ask for help, but always there for each other if needed. This if anything proves that the fear of being judged/annoying is all in our heads, and that we should be kind enough to ourselves to allow ourselves to be helped from time to time. Yes, everyone wants to be that superwoman/man that has all their sh*t together - but the reality is that we are all human, and life can be very brutal at times. Surrounding yourself with people that care about you and want to see you win is key - and although allowing yourself to lean on someone else from time to time might take a little (a lot) of pride-swallowing, I promise that you will feel better once you’ve shared the load of your problems.

23. Don’t let past experiences poison current friendships.

This is quite possibly the biggest challenge for me right now, and I’m literally only just beginning to get better at this. I’ve mentioned multiple times that my overly empathetic and accommodating personality has attracted a lot of sh*tty “friends” over the years, and for the longest time I blamed myself and thought there was something wrong with me for constantly allowing people to treat me so poorly. As a result of this, I developed hella trust and abandonment issues.

I genuinely didn’t even realise how much these experiences had f*cked me up until I started taking my mental health seriously, and realised how much I had closed myself off emotionally to protect myself. I also realised that I - very unfairly - projected my trust issues onto people in my life that have done nothing but be kind and caring towards me, simply because I allowed myself to be so blinded by the past and assumed that they would do me the same way. I’m honestly just grateful that my closest friends could see through the front I put up and didn’t give up on me, because whew… they really didn’t need to.

The point I’m trying to make is that while it’s very natural to be afraid of being hurt, betrayed and disappointed again, you can’t live your life thinking that everyone is against you - simply because it isn’t true. Yes, it’s very hard to rebuild your trust and confidence in people again... but going through life being paranoid that everyone is against you is just setting yourself up for loneliness and bitterness, and we don’t want that. Again, what’s worked best for me here is working on detachment from the past, and learning to not feed into the feelings of paranoia that arise from time to time. It will take time, but you definitely owe it to yourself to allow good people into your life properly.

24. Step out of your comfort zone more often and just have fun.

Let me be very clear and say that I’m not encouraging anyone to jump out of an airplane - although that would definitely be a massive step outside of anyone's comfort zone. But what’s life without a little thrill? 

Regardless of if it’s as extreme as launching yourself off a cliff and placing all your trust in a flimsy elastic band, or as simple as just trying a new activity or restaurant, life becomes so much richer and more fun when you do something you wouldn’t normally do. It genuinely nourishes and stimulates your right brain - which for me is a much welcomed break from life having to be so f*cking serious all the time. 

It also boosts your confidence to try even more new things, and that’s when life starts to get a bit more interesting. Live it up, b*tch!

25. Make happiness your priority.

Right, so I appreciate that not everyone will agree with this - and that’s okay. You’re entitled to your wrong opinion. I’ve been very open about the mental health struggles I’ve had since my teens, and about the various unhealthy coping methods I’ve tried to deal with it. However, I’ve found that the best way of coping is very simple:

Just do what makes you happy.

Honestly, it’s that easy. A lot of people - myself in the past included - feel a lot of pressure to give their life meaning and purpose by using something outside of themselves to define them as a person. When I was younger that thing was sports, and after uni I thought I’d find happiness from pursuing the career I thought that I wanted. However, I realised a couple years ago that attaching the concept of happiness to an external factor will constantly just make you feel like it’s just beyond your reach - and when you finally reach the goal that you swore would make your life happy and fulfilled, you’re just left with an underwhelming feeling of “...is this it? Surely there must be more to life than this?”

For this reason, I wholeheartedly believe that true happiness stems from inner peace, accepting the past and simply just pursuing things in life that sits right with your mental health and spirit. Building happiness from within sets you up to be confident that you will be fine no matter what life throws at you, and will make you truly unf*ckwithable. 

With that being said, I fully understand how it can be easy to equate our obsession with reaching career/life/relationship/fitness/etc goals to happiness, but let’s say for argument's sake that you do reach every single of your goals that you think will bring you joy. When the pride and elation of accomplishing these goals wears off, are you genuinely happy? Or do you realise that your inner battles are still there, and that the part of your brain that was so focused on accomplishing this goal now just feels… empty and idle?

Okay, so that got a little depressing - but these are questions that I highly recommend you ask yourself. Chances are that you realise that while having goals and ambitions are important, they’re all air if you’re not genuinely happy on the inside. 

If there was a one-size-fits-all path to happiness, I would share it here. But unfortunately, the path to happiness is highly personal - only you can determine what will bring you inner peace and alignment. Personally, I started with reconnecting with my childhood self to remind myself what made me feel happy before life started getting serious, and went from there - maybe that could work for you, too.

26. Understand that everything will fall into place at the time it’s meant to.

I put this one at the end because I feel that it summarises all points very nice-like. It’s extremely easy to get caught up in how you think life is supposed to be like at this age, and even easier to fall into a depressed state when you deep how far away from this ideal you might be. As someone that has had the importance of an established career, rigid life goals and living up to others’ expectations rammed down my throat at a young age, I’ve always had this unsettling feeling that I’m running out of time to accomplish what I need to accomplish in this life - and I’m only 26.

What’s helped me a lot with this unsettling feeling is taking time to ground myself, take a deep breath and reflect on how far I’ve come, as opposed to how far I still have to go. I also force myself to remember that as long as I’m constantly in tune with myself and gently pushing myself to evolve and mature, I’m already winning.

You will find happiness. You will find love. You will reach every single goal that you’ve set for yourself. You will overcome whatever internal battle you’re currently fighting. You will feel like yourself again. You will receive every single blessing you’re waiting for - as long as you’re willing to put in the work and understand what is right for you and your mental/emotional/spiritual health. 

It may take longer than you want it to, but it’s important to remember to enjoy the journey and learn from your mistakes. As uncomfortable as it may be to accept that no amount of control and planning can predict life’s twists and turns, allowing yourself to trust that the universe will give you everything you need at the right time is extremely empowering and calming. 

Keep doing your thing, and you will reap the rewards in due time.

So, there you have it. If you read the entire post from start to finish, you deserve all the accolades because at the time of posting this, even I haven’t read it all in one go. I hope that you found something that resonated with you and will help you navigate through the f*ckeries in this life easier than before.

Anyways. Happy belated birthday to me, I guess. I can’t wait to never do a post like this again!

Love,

Liv

[calledchaos]

VILLANELLE IS NOT A PSYCHOPATH, IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-

Okay, so Killing Eve is currently my favorite TV show, but there's one thing that's been bothering me since season one and it's the INCORRECT assumption that Villanelle is a psychopath.

First things first, please note I'm not a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist, but I've done a lot of research for this show (if you listen to the parcast's Serial Killers podcast, you saw what I did there 💁🏾‍♂️).

While I don't know a lot about hired assassins, I do have a fair amount of knowledge on serial killers and their traits. So let's break Villanelle's character down so I can explain why I don't believe she's a psychopath OR sociopath, for that matter.

Actually, before we even to that, let's clarify WHAT IS a psychopath. For starters, the correct medical term used, as in, when you get diagnosed it's not as a psy/sociopath but rather as having antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). A person with ASPD can be born like that (that's what we usually call a psychopath) or can become like that (that's the sociopath). Their main difference is that psychopaths are most likely to be organized and calculating, whereas sociopaths are more "react in the moment" type, they're sloppy and messy.

Here's some patterns of ASPD:

* Superficial charm;

* Dishonesty;

* Lack of empathy;

* Coldness;

* Inability to form honest relationships;

* Poverty of emotions;

* They don't think through the consequences of their actions and they don't care about them either.

* They break rules, laws, moral codes, etc.

Now you're probably going like "well, you just described V before she met Eve", BUT NO, my dear fellow gay, NO. What really sorts a person with ASPD out is their inability to FEEL REMORSE.

They CANNOT FEEL IT. It's been scientific proven that their brains are wired in a different way than the regular human. If they're in a relationship it isn't based on love, but rather some kind of profit, whether it's financial or sexual, or whatever. If they're with you it's because they WANT something FROM you. They don't form relations as in "I vs You", but rather as "I vs It".

Now what normally shapes a person's personality besides their nature it's their nurture. Villanelle grew up in a toxic home with an abusive mother. That's like... mental illness starter pack (a very familiar field for tumblr users, ain't it? Have you taken your meds today btw?). Did yall see her mother? It's pretty easy to understand why she looks for validation so desperately and why she's attracted to older women with wild hair. Mommy issues at its finest.

Now to be diagnosed with ASPD a person necessarily needs to also be diagnosed with conduct disorder before the age of 15. For what we've learned, Villanelle was a difficult child and she did set the orphanage she was living in on fire, which is one of the patterns to qualify her. But if you suffer from some kind of abuse at an early age, you will act out, one way or another. They didn't make it clear, but I don't believe she used to torture animals and commit petty crimes when she was a kid, and those are the most common behaviors of children with conduct disorder. So if she didn't behave like that, she couldn't be diagnosed with ASPD after she turned 18.

When she killed Anna's husband it was from a place of jealousy, which's pretty common for female murderers, you don't have to be a psychopath for that, could very much be a crime of passion. His castration, however, indicates she perhaps needed to set a ritual to get her point across - which she repeated when she murdered Frank, but then again that was staging the body to shock Eve... Did she want to shock Anna as well or did she want to emasculate the husband? Honestly, I don't remember what that was about. BUT had her not be recruited by the Twelve, would she had killed again? She seems to be questioning that herself and from where I'm standing, I'd say maybe no. Because SHE ISN'T A SERIAL KILLER. I mean, now she is by definition, considering she's killed a ton of people, BUT LIKE serial killers kill because that's all they know, that's the only thing that brings them fulfillment and even that it's a tricky statement, because MALE serial killers kill for satisfaction; FEMALE serial killers normally kill for profit, like a tool to reach their goal. There are very few female serial killers that I know of that kill for the sake of it or even less so, for sexual gratification.

It's difficult to follow a pattern with a character, because you don't know how accurate the writer intended to be or how vast is their knowledge on people with ASPD, but because she has shown empathy for various characters so far (Konstantin, that kid she killed in the hospital so he wouldn't have to live without his family, her brothers...) and also because she fell in love with Eve, she CAN'T have ASPD. I mean, sure when it comes to human behavior nothing is 100% certain. Gary Ridgway, aka The Green River Killer, was convicted for murdering 48 women, but by the time he was caught he was married to a woman who pretty much said he was a great, loving and caring husband and he did say he actually loved her too, but he kept soliciting service from sex workers and killing them afterwards.

The thing is, specialists say that killing can be addictive. Though I don't consider Villanelle a psychopath, I'm okay with her having psychopathic tendencies. When she said she doesn't feel anything, she's just so bored, remember? It could very much be the reason why she got stuck in killing. Her first kill, Anna's husband, got her in jail where she would've stayed if it wasn't for the 12 recruiting her. They taught her how to do the job and I believe that gave her some kind of fulfillment. It made her finally feel something and that's why she kept killing. She had to learn how to disassociate herself from what she was doing in order to keep doing it. People became just subjects. But once she felt connected with Eve, that all started to crumble down.

Okay, so the first two seasons we don't see her really loving Eve, we see her obsessing over her. And that's pretty easy to crack: there was a middle aged woman with beautiful hair dedicating her days to find Villanelle. For someone who so desperately needed reassurance and attention, that was probably a burst of excitement she wasn't used to feeling.

The game changer happened in season 3, though. That scene when Konstantin told her Eve was still alive was SO WELL DONE. The camera angle tilting to the side, the slow motion, Konstantin's voice fading away. You can actually see in her eyes she's SPIRALING and that single tear rolling down her face while she smiled... IT'S A GOOD SCENE. I think in that moment she realized her feelings for Eve were a lot deeper than just her need to have someone to control and play with. She learned that her actions almost made her lose the one person she actually loves and probably also actually loves her back and she doesn't want to blow the miraculous second chance she got.

Since she thought she had killed Eve she was even emptier inside and killing wasn't giving her satisfaction anymore, but the thought of Eve surviving made her burst with emotions. She didn't need to kill anyone now, she just wanted Eve back.

Needless to say that's NOT how ASPD works. They're literally incapable of these kind of feelings. SO the pattern I THINK fits better is NARCISSISM.

Now, see... There are 10 personality disorders divided in three groups: clusters A, B and C. Antisocial Personality Disorder is one of the four disorders in cluster B and withing this group their common trait is narcissism.

There are two kinds of narcissists, the one that concerns us here are the ones that are charming, confident, they'll do whatever it takes to get what they want, even if means emotionally abusing their peers, manipulation, lying, cheating... They think they're the very apex of the world, people that only know them on the surface love them, they're the life of the party and yada yada yada. They're normally very successful, because when you don't care about people around you, you will climb to the top way faster (most - if not all - CEOs are narcissists btw). You're gonna noticed that this description is pretty similar to ASPD, but the big difference here is that narcissists CAN FEEL REMORSE AND SHAME, people with ASPD CANNOT.

BUT being a narcissist doesn't mean you have a personality disorder, it just means you're probably a fucking jerk. What will give you a diagnosis though is when your narcissistic behavior causes you impediments. When it causes you trouble in all areas of your life, professional, personal, familiar, etc., when it makes you miserable it's when you can be diagnosed with another cluster B disorder: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

It is incredibly difficult to diagnose someone with NPD, because these people very rarely see themselves as having a problem. Like I said, they normally live their best lives, no need to change anything. So when it comes back to bite them in the ass (which sometimes never happens, because the universe is unfair) and if by a miracle they realize that THEY are the problem, that's when you get a NPD ticket. If you're following my thought process you know where I'm going with this...

VILLANELLE ISN'T A PSYCHOPATH, SHE'S A NARCISSIST WHO DEVELOPT NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER.

While being an assassin was giving her everything she wanted, Villanelle was just fine with her nice life, cool flat and fun job. The only thing she was lacking was someone to watch movies with and being a narcissist she thought she had to control someone in order to be loved by them (narcissists are actually very insecure, that's why they're so extra with the manipulation, they don't deal with rejection well). Once she felt actual feelings, when she realized how her explosive ways almost costed Eve's life, that's when she understood that her actions took her to a place she didn't quite like anymore and if she wanted to have a another shot and do things right, she needed to change.

In real life people with NPD need a lot of therapy and even so, they won't impruve much tbh, 'cause that's just how their brains work. But for the sake of the poetry, I'm more than okay with accepting that Villaneve's connection is so strong it made an skilled narcissist assassin to come down from her high horse to put Eve as a priority. Villanelle giving Eve the option to walk away for good to have a better stable life away from the chaos their feelings for each other created is probably the most romantic thing I've ever seen and I can rant about that season 3 finale for hours too, don't try me.

[whereimfeminine]

harrysblacknailpolish replied to your link “It's Time For Popstars To Take Responsibility For Their Toxic Fandoms”

i've noticed this for a while now (i haven't read the article yet just your tags). yknow i came out of livejournal and message boards, that's where i started with fandom. and i've noticed how we treat fandom vs how people who came to fandom with tumblr/twitter (not just 1d but across the board i've noticed this in all the fandoms i've been in) is very different and the idea of 'fandom rules' or just genuinely being like a good person in a fandom are much more lax here or non existant.

i feel like that's why you have a huge disconnect at times too, not just bc of age gaps but you have people who are looking at fandoms and how to be in them and that space in two entiiiirely different ways. and this plays into everything -  fic, art, discussions, how we treat them/the celebs, etc. they've become commodies in a way they weren't before.

entitlement, imo, is the key to all of this. never have fans been more entitled than they are today. even how louies/larries reacted to ash reeks of entitlement. entitlement to hear what they want from dj's, entitlement to louis' feelings possibly, entitlement that their anger and abuse should be heard, etc. etc. it's... disgusting tbh. i try not to be an Old Person and be all "it was better back in my day when..." but tbh i feel that way a lot. fandoms used to feel safe and kind, they feel...

Yeahhhh I definitely feel that. Taking Back Sunday was the only fandom I was pretty actively involved in, but it just had such a different vibe, like there was a sense of community that definitely just.. doesn’t exist here. And I’m not sure how it really could be recreated in this type of context, where you don’t have people with the actual ability to say: i’m deleting this, you crossed lines, we don’t behave this way, in the way moderators can. But it would seem like people should be able to do that on their own ya know, just behave like decent humans, and yet. I do think a lot of that comes in part from not having grown up with reasonable fandoms, you just enter and see this and think it’s okay/normal. Definitely agree that a lot of this just stems from such different approaches to fandoms. Entitlemnt is also interesting-- I feel like that also stems like, social media! 24 hour news cycle! celebrities accessible! etc thing. The entitlement to DJ’s saying what you want, oh my god-- the author of the article said how they literally just posted a tweet about not liking miss you and had to turn notifs off on twitter for days b/c of being harassed. Like not even allowed to not like a song!!! what!! 

i definitely feel peak Old Person Back In My Day in these moments haha 

[kendrixtermina]

Typing Misadventures - IN edition

So, typing and the difficulties therein.

Aside from person-specific ad-hominems, some that have been elaborated upon in attempts to explain them on this very website.

Sensors: Bad Sensor descriptions written by NPs, combining with the fact that Sensors rely a lot on developing a practical experential “feel” for things. A bad, vague and overly abstract description that doesn’t relate to their life is gonna be not very useful. (especially for SFPs for whom what they relate to is srz bzness) - Interestingly I’ve seen a lot of Sensors saying that they easily indentify particular types once they have encountered them IRL. (Speculation: With intuitives it probably depends more on wether they have their definitrions straight.)

Ne-Doms: Type-hop and doubt their type alot because they know they always could be mistyped and possibilities are the primary facet of reality for them. The “creative” nature of the auxillary, and their auxillary being a function that generates and handles belief systems,  means they can always reinterpret the evidence by redoing their reasoning or reassigning meaning, also the lack of Si leads to less constancy in their thinking, they change opinion easily, which is normally an asset, but not so much for self-typing as every input generates new ideas. (The auxillaries also have this but to a much lesser degree - b/c)

—

But today, I want to talk about INs (I know, boring - but those are what I know the most about since I am one.)

You may have seen me caveat my posts with “Unless I am actually an xNFP or something” as of late Yeah. It went about like this:

Troll: Haha you’re mistyped!

Me: Why?

Troll: because X.

Me: I have an alternate, more fitting explanation for X and a lot of things which my current typing explains betters especially when you get into the nuance of mbti theory.

Troll: (*hamfistedly applies overreductionistic function definition*) “Anyone who ever quotes a source ever is a Te user”. Just like anyone who ever mentions memory is a SJ amirite?

Troll: *shifts the topic to my person and then accuses me of talking about myself*

Me: *blocks troll largely to curttail own tendency to waste time & energy with internet arguments*

So at my best,  I believe in not dismissing inconvenient PoVs and double-checking, and the main point of replying them was to leave an alternate opinion for future readers hence no point in continuing after that had been done.  

At my worst damn inf Fe makes it hard to ignore input even if I don’t believe it’s justified (except when it fails to pick them up - as inferior functions are wont to be its either sluggish or AHH with little inbetween. ) and that lil 8 fix of mine doesn’t want to “stand down quietly”.  

So I ask a few reasonable, knowledgeable, non-troll person, one of which said “Hm, could be, you anecdote alot which X type also does”

I believed this was better accounted for by simple ol’ Si and w4-self revealing tendencies, but, how could I know for sure? I never denied having a pronounced 4wing and fix, but I thought that sufficiently explaining their perceived discrepancies insofar as I found them consistent with reality and indeed all data collected so far. Too much would just be filed away as “inf Te” as a blanket term, the way any sign that [fan favorite character] is ST rather than INFJ is “inferior Se” though that supposed “inferior” is 80% of what she does and all moments claimed for F or N are the sort of situations where anyone would display emotion or philosophizing and what intuition they display is distinctly Ne instead. 

Like the proverbial man who dreamt of being a frog I couldn’t cast the doubt from my mind and went over reinterpreting my thought patterns throughout the day. How do I know I’m NOT X type? After all my idea of and criteria for type are based on the definitions I extracted from various mbti sources when first familiarzing myself with the topic… how do I know I understood it correctly? How can ANY human correctly understand a definition if they have to deduce/reconstruct/guess what the other meant with their own flawed mind?

(At this point the non-INs in the audience might be rolling their eyes)

I still thought my type made the most sense but the person, through trolling in that particular instance, was not alltogether clueless and had some good insights, and also, some ppl agreed with them (theres that Fe again) - I was pretty sure I was in the holographic-panomramic thinking style but I could be wrong,  thats a fairly rarely used concept which I simply started using cause I thought it made sense. ENFPs can mistake themselves for introverts. I have been mistaken for extrovert b/c of my lack of filter… but I was pretty sure I was a very pronouncedintrovert and had Fe, and so I went over it over and over again.

They said I didn’t comprehend _ i had some theory as to why they thought the way they did (not just bias against xNFPs but assuming all Ti is like aux Ti. After all, an introverted function as a dominant builds a framework and may be reluctant to accept or need time to withdraw when said framework clashes with reality to the point of needing a full revamping, purportedly resulting in a certain stubbornness particularly if it’s a Ji function.  )

but what if I really Didn’t comprehend? Then all my reasoning would be worthless! I dont think I have the skills of an INFP, but what if i misunderstood those? Was a lot of what I’d attributed to Ti just Ne? i thought I had rather typical Ti speech patterns (it was hard to unsee, like my brain used a highly predictable parsing alghorithm to make thoughts into words) but they disagreed and pointed to what they thought was Fi. 

I thought that despite all the differences introduced by  shared preferences and  there were differences between I and the Fi doms I knew. The 9 and the 6 were much more lowkey, non-confrontational than I and way more perceptive in line with how socionics describes Fi as the “Ethics of Relations” and how Nardi calls it an “Inner state of listening/reacting”; I mostly listen to the contents of someone’s words; I’d spot a liar by contradiction or unbeliavable statements, or by deducing what beliefs they are operating from. Feelers supposedly use primarily tone of voice... but I have sure noticed tone of voice a few times, and this is a qualia. I can’t compare what “Fi” or “Ti” feel like without making assumptions of which one I am using. 

Supposedly

The 4! INFPs should be the most similar to me, on the other hand, they tend to have a certain...absoluteness in their beliefs and statements in a way I wouldn’t be comfortable with. I’m more hesitant, more relativizing, adding qualifiers etc so bI don’t say anything incorrect. 

I don’t mean to bash the INFPs here, they are usually just processing their specific feels and do not mean to imply things about others. (Tumblr INFP: “I, an INFP, experience X.”. Tumblr xxFJ: “Are you saying that other types don’t????? You can’t say that! How self absorbed are you?” Immature  Tert Fe User:*distantly feels the same urge toward ,moral condemnation as FJ,but couldn’t care less if INFP offends anyone -  settles for calling them a snowflake instead. * TJs and Ti doms: *roll their eyes, half-assedly consider correcting whoever they disagree with but ultimately just keep scrolling*) Of course Team Fe sometimes has a point if the INFP in question is young and/or irresponsible. 

Example: 

One INFP 4w5: “I be those shallow fake bitches look down on you just because you don’t wear as much makeup. I don’t think anyone who wears makeup can be trusted, unless it’s like,halloween makeup or something like that, they’re just putting up fake faces to be popular.”

Me (let’s say, presumed INTP 5w4): “I dunno... Like I agree that those girls are shallow bitches,if they had spines, they wouldn’ perform arbitrary fake behavior just to be popular.* But not everyone is the same - maybe some people might just wear makeup because they like how it looks. The real problem is people being judged by arbitrary conventions on principle. What does is matter whether someone wears makeup or not? Its a made-up convention with no real reason.  It’s none of anyone’s business.”

* for the record I have since realized that there’s nothing bad about wanting to be popular as long as yopu dont harm anyone, and that for some people its genuinely what they want. I was, like,  13. Common (w)4 pitfall I guess. 

As you see both I and this middle school friend of mine are expressing 4-ish povs, but I used to think  the difference in our reasoning highlighted some differences. 

Granted this is more 5w4 vs 4w5 than necessarily Ti vs Fi,  Could just be the 5′s general disconnect toward action and desire to “know more first”. 

There are 5 INFPs. after all. Mostly sx 5s and as such differentiable from the relatively intense, dramatic sx 4 as long as you’re certain enough that they’re sx. Thinking about how to describe them. More second-guessing and ‘drifting’ than the 4 ones but like them in their analytical nature. A different kind of contemplative.  Still reasons distinctlylike an INFP - See, One of them was religious, for example, and I’m pretty sure an INTP would have had more posts about why they were religious or not, though it’s one of the types most likely to be a non-believer, the religious ones tend to have a theological bent and talk about the perfection and incomprehensibility of god, how god is totally logical etc. (Thomas Acquinas is a famous example) - their faith will be an ordered self-consistent system. A bit like that example of copernikus assuming the orbits must be perfectly circular because natture as he understood it would tend toward the most “perfect” forms. I’m not religious and I could likewise talk about that at lenght.

Arguments that convinced me:  “This is how these beliefs came from, not an actual god” and “If were made out of single celled organism who die all the time as shed skin cells, how would the rest of them dieing at once be different?” “Even if your religion is true that means many, if not all others are not. So at least all some must be myths. How is your “true” religion different from them?” 

Arguments made by famous Te-Fi users: “Occams Razor.” “We can’t disprove a giant sucker on the back of Pluto either, but its no reason to suppose one.”“Belief in god hampers human development and creates dependent, slavish mentality”

That 5!INFP’s attitude toward their belief reminded me more of another Fi dom I know (albeit an ISFP). “Yeah, I know the common objections, but look, it’s what I believe. Don’t come into my house and be a jerk to me about it.” or “[Assholish behavior] is not actually in line with my religion. My religion, and this aspect of it, are actually about love/peace/duty/etc” 

If, while conversing,  you hit a hard disagreement, that is,  an axiom that’s not up for debate, your Fi-dom friend may change the topic/agree to disagree/ “It’s just the way I feel” 

[This could apply to other moral or ideological questions religion is just an example; This is not supposed to be about religion it’s just here to illustrate a perceived difference. . I’m not implying all INFPs have the same approach to religion or even have to be religious.]

Another conversation I remember having with them actually on the very subject of Fi vs Fe. IDK how we got to that topic but I mentioned something I initially thought was an enneagram thing (my memory is vague on the details) but I mentioned something like lowkey feeling guilty for receiving praise that I believe was undeserved. 

She deemed it a Fe thing and said that for her, as a Fi dom/ fe opposing type, a bit of praise she did not agree with might not cause any reaction at all unless she thought they had a point  or otherwise had a reaction from her end, like deciding the criticism was unfair - why should she feel guilty b/c of what someone else says? 

Granted that’s just an anecdote, but what am I to do? INFP 5s are not super common. Also I’m not making this decisionbased on any single of these examples but... not even from the “preponderance” so much as to how they can be best explained. 

And  of course, if I really did get everything wrong after looking into the topic for years, what guarantee is there that I typed any of those people correctly? None, as one of the trolls/claimants correctly pointed out. 

After all what I want is the truth, it doesn’t matter what it is. Or at least that is what I strive for as much as human frailty allows. so what if I’m an INFP? INFPs are awesome. I even considered the type early on, I just thougnt INTP fit better especially once I found out about inferior functions.  And I have always held that a person has no obligation to follow their “talents”. If I don’t have a “talent” for reason (which isn’t the same as mbti thinking anyways) all the reasons why I believe that it is a good way of life to aim for would still stand. Reason is a method to correct for human error and bias, after all, the error and bias we all have, no matter what Ji function we use.

Type insofar as it can even be said to be a real thing is a classfication of emergent qualities, not a hard measure you can get in an instrument. 

As much as I’d want to figure this out, there comes a point where you just have to like step back and put it in context.  it’s just a personality test/ little tool to facilitate communication in which “maybe this or that” is more helpful than nothing. 

Striving for it despite not being handed talent at birth is all the more worthwhile - and if reason was only for certain kinds of people what’s the point of it? Regardless of what tropes people associate with “science” or “logic”, what they actually are by definition are simple basic methods.

Last but not least there was a moment

Soo, existential crisis. At least they can’t doubt that I’m a melancholic or an oldham ideosyncraticXD

Then,  my doubt crumbled away to the “ mostly sure, dont think it could be anything else but im not omnicient” levels at which it was before.

What happened? Well, a rare event:

Well, I went outside and talked to people.

I visited my folks, saw new places, got into a few unscripted situations in other words. 

I’ve seen one post detailing that INs may mistype because they analyze themselves as a whole, feature in less apparent traits and second-guess their reasoning worrying about bias, noticing what sticks out more than the norm etc.  and so on and that may be it in part but I don’t think it’s only this relatively “noble”, too-much-of-a-good-thing mistake.

- It’s a matter about how we are all about ~extrapolating~ from data and using multiple data points and less about decisiveness and practicality. We brood away endlessly trying to come up with interpretations and conceptualizations that makes all the data points fit rather than just going with what they themselves largely seem to suggest. 

One good description I once heard is that Intuitives think in networks while Sensors think in puzzle pieces - I went overboard trying to build ever more complex networks instead of going “Yeah, with all the puzzle pieces so far it’s probably this.”. 

Sometimes the latter approach can be incomplete and miss game changing interconnections - but just as often, the former gets convoluted and therefore, both uselessly vague and too far removed from the actual data its meant to interpret. 

Aaaand, well, almost every sentence I said was “Did you know that...?” or “I think so/ don’t think so because of [observation followed by possible deduction].

Sure, I could be biased in my observation or unconsciously “doing it on purpose to appear a certain way” even if I don’t think I am or care about that, , but some critical mass of “doing it on purpose” would itself be equivalent with 5 (or a 3)

I was a little afraid one time; I reacted by withdrawing and looking at the whole thing as an observatrion and it was a highly temporary thing. And as much as I complain about Fe users playing police, I may have been guilty of one moment of overreacting, unwanted/socially-chiding “help” myself there. (The person perhaps justly called me a know-it-all. They were wrong about one thing but I may have handled it all more constructively) I repeatedly expressed vague undifferentiated preferrences that were closer to analyzing what factors were at work rather than having clear like/dislike reasons readily available. .

I critiqued a TV show (myself and the local INTJ annoying all the non-NTs with our loud, animated critiquing ) and a big factor to being unabvle to enjoy it fully was the lack of High-Concept abstract sci fi content and mostly the lack of consistency - normally a lot of my enjoyment would come from extrapolatinmg and deducing what the world is like and how it, the themes and charactzers “work”, but here I coulnd do that because it was tacked onto a ‘verse it did not fit into. I observed how said INTJ and I reacted to us correcting each other on small things with like a brief thanks or apology & just moving on whilst similar things had gotten annoyed snarks out of our otherwise patient Feeler sister...

The nails in the coffin were those 2 tumblr posts, one about differences in how Fi and low Fe argue (the latter pile including 3 phrases I used verbatim in the last discussion with my SO just hours earlier) and a post by the afore mentioned “resonable poster” about, as she called it “oversharing in soc variants vs soc blinds” though the correct amount of sharing might well be in the eye of the beholder.

But that was the one objection of the troll I didn’t have a non-vague satisfactory reply to, what rly kept me wondering rather than “eh not gonna reinvent the wheel again”, something about “sp/sx woldn’t have long descriptions or emo rants” Apparently they do when they never have to dea with the person again (such as on the internets. )

IDK I did move the description so no one’s forced to read it but lots of peeps have one (This is like... a blogging site??) but the reasons for its existence had more to do with “completionist urges related to then-current obsession (typology)” and “So I like X, bite me.” sort of sentiment than whatever it was they presuposed. 

Dear Causal-Deterministic peeps (ENTP, INFP, ISTP, ESFP): Instances of the same behavior can be caused by different causes! Look at this: 2 4 8.

What’s the pattern? - Could be “powers of 4″.  Could also be “even numbers” or even “any increasing integer”. 

Of course this whole mess is an example of where we H-P folks (INTP, ENFP, ISFP, ESTP) look at everything from multiple angels/Povs, (”Is it like this? Is it lika that? It COULD be seen this other way...”) rather than, well, decide which ones are most relevant here/ “Pick one”. At least the SPs have Se to “just grab one” or whatever it is they do. 

Whereas we just stand there speculating XD The ENFPs sorta do it too but in a whole different way/ area of life? 

Me: “Either he is nuts or I am nuts because we can’t both be telling the truth!”

ENFP: “Well I empasize with both of you so I don’t think either of you is nuts?”

Me: Sorry but this is a real dichotomy here for once. If he dun nothing wrong, then I would be wrong for accusing him thus, just as he says..

ENFP: Can we all agree to disagree and chil maybe? plz??

Might also be why there`s this overlap between ENFPs and Universalists? Though obviously not all ENFPs are universalists and vice versa. 

So yeah. Kinda comical in hindsight. I started out all second guess-ey and entertaining both possibilities in parallel but in the end, well, I do think it’s INTP after all, at least, I’d say its the most probable by a considerable margin. Most definitely 5 tho. For all the occasionall 4 ness its by far the most overwhelming tendency in day to day life/thinking ugh cant I NOT spew nerd facts about everything in sight. What are other conversaton topics? 

Bottom Line: By thinking about your own thinking you alter your thinking, and that way lie 2nd order chaotic systems, the Uncertainty Principle and Goedel’s Theorem...

So going outside both threw me out of that recursion and added new, raw data as a means to test the competing hypotheses. It forced me to see what I actually act like by and large in a natural setting rather than the many ways I could interpret or read the way I act like, which like, is not actually all that mysterious lol

[cosmosfated]

Only A Second

For thematic inspiration, muns of both muses suggest to listen to Ouroboros - Infinite Circulation for the first half and Who We Want To Be for the second half.

A world that had fallen into ruin, so far and so fast that it made the drop of a rollercoaster from the top feel like walking down a slow hill. All because of a failure to communicate, a simple mistake that could have been avoided if only people would listen. All of this, the chaos and the bloodshed and the destruction─ everything could have been avoided entirely if only they would have listened! But they never do. Never have and now never will.

She never wanted these abilities. The fire and brimstone that burned in the back of her throat every time she would get angry. The glowing acidic green eyes that made the rest of her eyes turn a slow inky black. The way her nails would curl and bend, painfully at first but then she got used to it, every time she felt the need to defend herself. The sensation of power rising in her that made her head swim, and she would grin and catch the glint of light against the knife edges that replaced her old dull human teeth. She never asked to be like this, she never wanted to be chosen for this outcome within fate’s design.

To them, she always was and now always will be a monster.

She’s much inclined to believe them, at this point. After all, what sort of person would enjoy the slaughtering of their own kin? What sort of person would enjoy the screams of agony and terror brought on by them and them alone? What sort of person could do that? No, there was no human that could do that. Monsters did that.

History is made of and by many things. She would be one of them.

It’s a shift in weight that disturbs the ground behind her that forces her to turn towards the sound, hands raised and catching ablaze with a bright green flame hazed with a black outline. In the ashes and rubble, in the falling dark from dusk, there stood someone who looked so miserably out of place and yet right where they belonged. Face hidden by the shadow of one of the pillars of an ancient cathedral left barely standing, the gloom of another red stained night reaching for them in desperation or perhaps celebration. 

“Who-- who are you? If you take another step, I won’t hesitate to c-cut you down! I will make you regret ever coming close to this place!”

No response, but the person doesn’t move. Not towards her and not away from her. Nothing is said for a while, but she can feel eyes on her and it’s this person staring at her. Who else could it be, after all? It’s unnerving her. How can someone look her in the eyes, look at her like this and not be terrified enough to take a swing?

And then, “behind you.”

Reflexively, she turns and closes her eyes as a green shield contraption appears before her as she raises her arms. Something clangs loudly against it and the green flames incinerate the person who was trying to attack. The girl sighs and steps away from the charred corpse of someone who was only trying to cleanse a monster of the world... hey wait a second why is that person not attacking yet?

She whips around and takes a few steps forward brazenly, trying to see if she could get them to move or take a swing now that she’s closer. Nothing. A few more steps. Nothing.

Then the person opens their eyes as they take a step forward into the moonlight. A vivid and clear purple, with marks of green and sky blue within. This person─ he?─ steps into the open air with one hand on a the shaft of a cane and the other in the pocket of what are clearly jeans. He looks no older than her cousin did when she last saw them. His brows raise a touch at the prolonged staring and apparently the look she didn’t know she was wearing. “why are you looking at me like i’ve insulted everything you hold dear?”

Huh? “You’re... not going to attack me?”

He double takes at the question. “no? gods, why would i do that?”

She shifts somewhat nervously, the flames that were curling protectively around her hands and shoes dying down with a hiss against the ground. Her claws however tap nervously against each other as she looks down at the ground with remorse and nostalgia for a time better than now. “Everyone attacks me. Why would you be any different?”

“well, i’m not everyone, so take that into account.” His rumble of laughter causes her to look up again, shocked and confused from this ... relatively normal exchange. “i’m not going to attack you because you’ve done nothing against me. to attack a scared person because they’re scared defeats the whole purpose of trying to see what’s wrong wouldn’t you say?”

“B-But you’re standing in front of a monster! One who killed all these people! Surely you want to take down the monster...?” She doesn’t know what’s wrong with this guy. He’s acting so calm for someone standing before a murderer.

His brows furrow, lips pursing for a moment. His eyes look around in confusion, actually leaning forward to presumably check areas that are otherwise out of his line of sight, then leaning back to do the same. Looking back at her, he tilts his head curiously. “i don’t see a monster around. perhaps you scared it away before it could do any more harm?”

“Me!” She shouts, voice cracking. “I’m the monster! I killed everyone here! This is all me! Why aren’t you trying to attack me?!”

“ah,” the sound is monotonous. His hand in his pocket moves to allow his pink painted nails to scratch at the side of his jaw-- which she can now see is slightly covered with stubble. Something he seems to notice from the brief look of disdain on his face before he addresses her again. “i see a kid who now more than ever could use someone to listen to her, someone to protect her so she can finally rest a little bit. i see a kid who was forced into something she wanted nothing to do with, something she didn’t even want to acknowledge existed. i see a scared kid who didn’t want to do all the things she did but was only reacting to the world’s reaction to her, a kid reacting to the terror in everyone’s eyes with terror of herself in kind. someone who looks absolutely famished if i’m being honest. you look absolutely ghastly, kiddo. when’s the last time ya ate? christ on a bike, let’s get some food in you before you collapse from usin’ too much of that ability you got there. feel free to talk at me, rest assured i’m willing to listen.”

As he’s saying this, he’s starting to walk up to and then past her.

“Ah--! Sir, uh--” She pauses for a moment, as does he, to address her with a curious look. “I’m Anne... do you have a name?”

His smile is the warmest smile she’s ever seen, and it makes her actually believe that he means well. He has a smile that she’s sure would make God’s favorites be jealous of him. It makes her want to stick around this one as long as possible before he attacks her too, even if he says he won’t.

“t’is a pleasure to meet ya, anne. my name’s fleur. what do you say to a good ol’ fashioned burger? know any good spots around?”

Anne had been with him for a while now. Were there uncomfortable and even angry looks from other patrons here, oh yes indeed there were. But this man, Fleur─ he stood up to all of them and said that if anything were to happen, she is his responsibility. She would not be harmed while he takes breath into his lungs, or there would be more than just hell to pay.

She thought he had the sort of voice that makes people not just want to talk to him but also want to listen to him, or so she said. She had that feeling when he first started talking. Maybe everyone else got that feeling too, because they backed off really quick when it came to what he told them and with him standing his ground in the way he had. She saw him as brave, though in the back of his own mind he hardly saw doing what’s right as a banner of his bravery. Not that he’d speak up against that when this kid, Anne, looked so pleased with it. At least she’s smiling.

They’ve been talking for a while. Mostly about her story, how she had gotten there. Tears were shed and secrets were given in shaky hushed tones. Whispering of hobbies that she could no longer do thanks to her claws tearing everything apart, of friends who she could no longer see because she accidentally hurt them, of a potential love who ratted her out to the world and made her tear her hometown apart from the grief and the rage of the situation her crush put her in. Speaking about a sister who gave her the world and tried to offer her a home when everyone else told her she was a monster. Speaking so highly of someone who... this poor child had to watch die because they wouldn’t listen to her. Nobody listened. Nobody even tried, after her sister.

As he had promised, he had listened. Occasionally, he would make small commentaries. Referencing his own family, his own hobbies, showing her hints and tidbits about how to get back up when the world insists that you stay down. Adding another layer to the word ‘perseverance’ and showing her his roots in ways she had no idea about. Hearing him speak so softly and so gently, he could see in her eyes that she didn’t think this would last. And... even if she’s right about it not lasting, that wouldn’t stop him from giving someone hope as it was given to him.

And then she asks that question. “So what’s your story?”

Fleur chuckles. “i’m afraid there’s no enough time in the world for my whole story, but i can tell you about where i am, and where i would like to be. is that alright with you, kiddo?” She nods rather enthusiastically, and he leans back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest. Where to start? How to end? Ah, he could always begin with that... 

A look of utter admiration crosses his features and one hand moves to grasp at the necklaces hanging around his neck. A silver sun with a rainbow center, a sky streaked golden feather, and a bottle of four leaf clovers half filled with some of them having petals turned grey. “i live among the impossible made reality. my parents, well too many have adopted me... but each and every one of them are so very important to me. my papa, a powerful magic user─ the history books and fairytales would deem him a monster but to me, he is home. my mother, the one i wished i always had─ she’s not your average missus, and that’s just how i like her. her stories of her days before meeting me and my papa are something i could listen to forever. my mom, a knight and someone who has walked the past with me so i could get through it with someone to pull me back to the present. she reminds me of how to be brave even when i can’t muster anything heroic or selfless. my soulmate─ words cannot do him justice and i could go on for ages about how i adore him so. he has given me the world and i intend to return the favor. my girlfriend─ she has been there through so much, and she continues to remain even when i am weary of everything else. one of these days i intend to propose to her, to make her my wife, and hopefully i will have overcome it all and i can finally, truly, go home to her. my siblings─ four older and the rest younger, they are my light, my everything. i would fight and die for them, while also claiming to not know them in the slightest. my uncle─ the crazy kook could give me the run around all the live long day and still have energy to spare to talk about his fluffy husband, someone else i hope i get the chance to properly know. and then there is my brother, if you can call him that. by all technicalities, i was another mission. another thing to get rid of or at least get to understand. we ended up bonding. he listened, when i didn’t think anybody would listen to me anymore. i couldn’t think of a world without him in it. without any of them in it. they are my life. and i can only hope that they are going to be there when i can finally live my life the way i want to live it. it’s a work in progress, but with them... it doesn’t feel like work. it feels like dancing, like laughing, like smiling. it feels so easy. even when it isn’t.”

He takes a breath and looks at Anne again, smile turning sheepish. “i went off on a tangent there. i apologize.”

“No, that’s cool. You sound like you really love them.” He’s seen that look before, so he waits for her to speak again. Waiting is something he’s gotten much better at, along with being semi more tactful. “...how do you know you can trust them? Like, they haven’t known you your entire life, how do you know they won’t... hurt you?”

“huh.” He uncrosses his ankles, feet now firmly on the floor, and looks up towards the ceiling for a few moments. He wasn’t expecting that. Maybe he should have been. Maybe he made himself not expect something like that.

Whatever the case, he leans forward onto the table and looks at its checkerboard design for a short time. “...i don’t. i don’t know that they won’t hurt me, or they won’t betray me, or they won’t leave me when i really need them to stay. that thought scares me every single day of my life, kid. every breath i take, every move i make, everything that i do or think or say, i’m worried that they’ll leave me. i’m worried that i’ll do something wrong. that this is it, this will be the final nail in the coffin. i don’t ever know if my next sentence will be the last one i ever say to them. i don’t ever know if their next sentence will be the last one they ever say to me. i don’t know.”

“Then how can you say that you want to be around them, when you doubt that so much and so often?” Her voice shakes and trembles, confused and scared and trying to understand but she doesn’t know how. He knows that tone well. It was his, once. “How can you say that they’re your family if you can’t trust that they’re going to be there for you when you really need them, when everything is falling apart and you need someone to just listen, or sometimes just to stay...?”

Fleur continues staring at the table for a while. Not a word uttered, aside from the mindless murmurs from the patrons around them whispering terrible things thinking neither of them were listening. Not a sound made, aside from the rain that was beginning to fall outside. Not a breath taken, aside from the ones given to keep the chest rising and falling despite it aching to rest for a few moments in blissful stillness.

And then, he looks up.

“that’s just it.”

There’s that smile again. That smile that told the world to stop on its rotation and tell everyone to look, look at the creation of the sun and moon and all the stars in the sky, look at the cursed angel who cared not for feathers but for who those feathers would be carried by. That smile that could tell you that it was going to be okay and you would believe it because it gave you the impression that it knew things would indeed get better, from experience or simply knowing you couldn’t know. That smile that you could see being the one to greet you when your time in this life is finally up and you wouldn’t mind if it meant you would get to see that smile every day after. That smile that you could see on the worst day of your life, and it wouldn’t feel so awful. That smile that has seen war, that has worn blood, that has felt agony, that had the choice to be death but chose to be life. There’s that smile that could bring the world to its knees if he hadn’t chosen to use it to bring it back up to a stand.

“that’s the risk you’re taking, anne, when you love someone. to love another person is to give them a part of yourself that is always so fragile and so easily broken but you want to believe that they’ll handle it with care. no matter how many walls you put up, no matter how many wars you wage in its honor, it will still be weak and fluttering and the easiest way to destroy you if you made the wrong move. but that’s the risk you take when you choose to love. love isn’t easy. and that’s what makes it great and terrifying and beautiful and ugly all at once. love is what keeps us alive.”

Not hearing any lie in his voice, Anne slumps back down in her seated, wavering in conviction but not yet seeing what he does. He supposes he can’t blame her. She’s been alone for so long. It must feel like forever, to her. “... How can you know that you’re safe with someone?”

“...kiddo,” he chuckles and shakes his head, eyes closing as he cranes his head upwards. An action that looks like he’s praying, or perhaps waiting for an answer. Still he speaks. “i knew i was safe when i could no longer stand my ground and they did not bury me beneath it. i knew when i felt the ground crack beneath me and they caught me before the earth could swallow me up. i knew when i could fall asleep next to them and wake up with them asking if i slept well even when they know i rarely do. i knew when i smiled and it didn’t feel as if i was playing a part in some gaudy show, when it felt i was truly happy. it was reckless and careless, scary and world shattering. i thought i was going to be sick when i first showed them i trusted them. sometimes, being safe means stepping out of your comfort zone. sometimes, learning to control the fire,” he gestures towards the window as the rain puts out the last hissing embers in the not-too-far-off distance. “means stepping into the flames. it’s not pretty, it’s most certainly not fun. i would be lying to you if i said that it was. but,” and he looks at her properly again. “the best choices we can ever make in our lives are sometimes the hardest. can they also be the worst?” He shrugs. “undoubtedly. but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try and see. sure, that also doesn’t mean that there’s a diamond in every rough.”

Lightly, gently, Fleur takes one of the girl’s hands in both of his own.

“sometimes, the only way to know the truth is to first listen to the lie.”

She can feel the light tremors to his touch, now. Before, his hands never looked like they were shaking. Even when they were at his side, on the table, crossed over his chest. His hands always looked so steady. Now she can’t not see the small twitches and strain to every bend to every one of his fingers. Some look easier for him to bend and move, and others look like they have worse conditions. But he made them all look as if they were in perfect condition. Through the pain, through the aches, through everything and anything that moving them put him through, he still managed to smile in such a way that the sun would look cloudy in comparison.

Anne remains silent for a while, as the white noise of rainfall hushes the anger and makes the sharp claws and razor blade teeth go back to normal. Glowing green eyes go back into a normal and otherwise unnoticeable hazel with flecks of green around the pupils, the whites of her eyes returning to proper color. He smiles at her with what she can only read as pride, though for what she can’t possibly fathom right now.

She takes a breath and stands up, back to him.

“...okay. Fleur, one last question... before I go to try and fix things.”

“yes?”

“What happened when you told those you love the truth, when you tried to make things work? What happened when the world caved in, when everything went to black and you didn’t think that the world would get any better? What did you do?” She wrings her hands nervously. “...What should I do?”

A pause. “you have to be willing to wait forever.”

“I don’t have forever, Fleur. Nobody does.”

She hears a chuckle from him. She can hear his smile in it. “ah, but that’s the thing. sometimes, forever is only a second.”

“What does that mean─”

When she turns, she’s met with a simple sight.

A fully bloomed yellow rose, a bandana adorned with strange symbols.

And a note that says: 00:00:01.