#also I’d rather see it as a stage production

[popcornucopia]

Just saw an ad for the wicked movie, why is it so dark?

[come-see-our-show]

I saw an early screening of the Mean Girls movie last night, so here is a summary of my thoughts, comparing the movie musical to the Broadway musical, which I was lucky enough to see live in 2018!

Changed that I liked:

The usage of social media in the Broadway show made it very clear that it was written by adults who didn’t know much about Gen-Z. It was probably one of the worst parts of the show in my opinion. But Tina Fey must have done her research since 2018, because the way the movie uses TikTok, memes, vlogging, and FaceTime to push the story forward worked VERY well. I think there were some influencer cameos, but it didn’t feel they were included to show how “young and hip” they were, It actually added authenticity.

The diversity within the cast and changing last names to reflect the characters’ backgrounds (Karen Smith ➡️ Karen Shetty, Janis Sarkisian ➡️ Janis 'Imi'ike)

Cutting down “Meet the Plastics.” It’s a very exposition-heavy song and doesn’t need to be super long, even though the full version is quite catchy and fun.

All of the new jokes landed so well, probably because Tina Fey’s writing style is better suited for the screen as opposed to the stage.

This is more of a comparison of the musical vs. the original film, but a big change was The Plastics’ weaponized wokeness (which I talk about here).

The production design for most of the songs was very different. The stage musical has a lot of rock songs, which were changed to a pop sound for the movie. I personally prefer rock musicals, but it was a good way to give the movie a separate identity from its predecessor so it doesn’t risk becoming a carbon copy. It worked on some songs (“Someone Gets Hurt” and “World Burn”) but not on others (“A Cautionary Tale” and “Revenge Party”).

Cutting the joke about Regina’s ass being big. It was a very low-brow joke, which I’m not a fan of, and was just really immature. Thank God that was changed to her falling, which still shows her being embarrassed without her body being the joke.

Explicitly making Janis a lesbian! (It’s only implied in the stage show with “It’s not even true… I only have one butt”) And she goes to prom with a girl while Damien dances with a boy! ALSO THERE’S REJANIS LORE AND IT’S SO HEARTBREAKING I LOVE IT

megan thee stallion just… being there

Miss Norbury and Principal Duvall being a couple and owning a dog together!!!

As a low mezzo, I appreciated whoever decided to lower the key for “I’d Rather Be Me.” I felt very represented 🩷

Having Cady be raised in a single-parent household so it focuses in more on her relationship with her mom. Jenna Fischer was so motherly and sincere and brought a warmth to the movie. Their scene together near the end made me emotional (you’re never too old to ask your parent to stay with you until you fall asleep) (also this is my request to make jenna fischer my mom)

Changes that I didn’t like:

Cutting BOTH of Damian’s solos??? (SHE’S LEAVING!!!!!!!! JUST LIKE MY DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Cutting “More Is Better.” It wasn’t necessarily a memorable song, but it did give both Cady and Aaron more depth, both as separate characters and within their relationship.

While cutting some of the songs helped with pacing, cutting HALF of the score made me forget that it was a musical sometimes, which sucks because I really like musicals!!!

Other stuff:

The movie was marketed horribly. One of my friends didn’t even know it was gonna be a musical because there were no songs in the trailers 💀 (Also, this isn’t just a Mean Girls problem. The Color Purple also didn’t have any songs in the trailer. I didn’t even know Wonka was a musical until I saw it in theaters, so that was a bit of a shock.) If you’re producing a musical movie, maybe your focus groups should be musical fans, because that’s still a HUGE market.

Auliʻi Cravalho’s voice is STUNNING! She and Jaquel Spivey had great chemistry and their friendship felt so genuine!

The opening and ending transitions from the garage were everything to me

The EDITING

Angourie Rice is a great actor and fit Cady perfectly… except for her singing. Out of the entire cast she was easily the weakest in terms of vocals and it was pretty disappointing since she’s the LEAD. I could barely hear her in the new song “What Ifs” because of how quiet and breathy she was. I think it’s a better written song compared to “Roar” though.

Jon Hamm cameo!

Ashley Park cameo!

I cannot stress enough how funny this movie was. I was probably laughing louder than everyone else in the theatre.

I lost my shit during “Meet the Plastics” when Regina unzipped her jacket and Cady was staring at her boobs. She’s just like me fr 🏳️‍🌈

I know that Regina is a horrible person but I couldn’t find it in me to dislike her in the slightest. She just served too much cunt 😩

Christopher Briney is a good actor, but I don't think he was the right choice for Aaron Samuels. I would hate to ridicule anyone for their looks, but it still plays an important part in casting. Aaron is supposed to be a somewhat naive, wholesome, hot jock (and Regina has high standards, so he better be a fucking model). Briney is definitely a cutie, but gives off “smoldering badboy with a secret sensitive side” energy, which isn’t what Aaron should be.

The fantasy sequences (Stupid With Love, Revenge Party, October 3rd). I LOVE when movie musicals USE the medium to tell stories in a way that they can’t on a stage!!!

THE CHOREO!!! Everyone freezing then shaking in “Someone Get Hurt” AHHHH that entire number was HYPNOTIZING!!!!!!!!!!! My friend told me the choreographer’s name is Kyle Hanagami, so shout out to him. (also reneé rapp was so fucking hot while singing that oh my lord)

I will be calling my pimples “face breasts” from now on (avantika ilysm)

DAMIAN’S FRENCH COVER OF THE ICARLY THEME SONG 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

why was there a 0.5 camera shot of cady during revenge party 💀

“I’d Rather Be Me” was so much fun and I felt so fucking empowered. And the transition from the song to the bus was just *chef’s kiss*

“donut worry i am still your freend” 🥺

Lindsay Lohan cameo!!!!!!!!!

NOT ENOUGH RENEÉ RAPP 😭😭

Overall, the movie was not perfect, but the Broadway show already had plenty of flaws, so it’s understandably how that would affect the adaptation. I still a LOT of fun and would definitely see it again. Go stream Snow Angel by Reneé Rapp. i love women 🥰🥰🥰

[purplealmonds]

I watched the Mononoke Zashikiwarashi stage play!!

I watched the performances on 03/29 and 03/30, and I have so many Thoughts. But I’m on vacation and haven’t the spoons to draft them up coherently until I return home in a few days.

For now, I'll do a photo/art dump of my experience.

I arrived a few hours early to the theater (I had to take the train from Kyoto to Osaka, and built in time for potential navigational incompetence). While I waited for the theater to open up, cracked open my iPad and started painting in Procreate.

This is the exterior of Cool Japan Park Osaka's WW Hall. Shaking off a lot of rust from painting from observation, but I'm happy with how the colors came out.

Photo for reference, though I painted it live. Shadows moved quite a bit while I worked because I am slow.

This is the interior of the theater. I was forbidden from taking photo and video of this space, so I painted it it, albeit messily because of the short time I had before the performance began.

Winding back time a bit, here's the cardboard cutout stand the theater staff set out right before they started admitting people into the lobby:

It was a bit windy that day, so it actually snapped in half mere minutes after its installation lmao. Not pictured is the flustered staff tying Mr. Medicine Seller to the railing with some twine.

Selfie taken after the disaster:

Keeping an eye on Mr. Medicine Seller to ensure he doesn't misbehave agains, prints in hand to be gifted to unsuspecting theater-goers:

When I was seated, some of the giftees stopped by to gift me with an acrylic standee and a cookie! The standee is given exclusively to audience members who preordered their tickets super early, so it's amazing I got my hands on one! After the performance, someone also posted my art on their instagram story! O:

The performance visual, gift shop, and posters were also deployed around this time.

Also was pleasantly surprised to see a huge Mononoke Karakusa poster displayed. Unlike typical movie posters, this one was printed on a rather thick matte rather than thin translucent gloss paper.

And here's the merch and goodies I acquired at the lobby:

I was originally buying just the pamphlet, but as you can see I did a few more impulse purchases! I ended up getting:

📖 Zashikiwarashi Pamphlet - Hoping if productions of other episodes are a thing this can become a collection. The Bakeneko pamphlet was also sold here. If there's interest I can do a flip-through video of both the Bakeneko and Zashikiwarashi pamphlets!

🎟️Mononoke Karakasa Bonus Gifts: I thought it was just the clear file and a neat lil trading card but it seems like the trading card is actually a movie ticket??? I’m not gonna be in Japan when the movie comes out though but it’s a nice souvenir nonetheless!

🌇 Mononoke Karakasa flyer - The theatre had massive stacks of them to be taken freely. The first one got a bit wrinkled on my ride back to the hotel, so I grabbed 2 more after watching the 2nd performance!

💿Bakeneko Blu-Ray - This was something I thought I’d never get my hands as a US resident so I was pleasantly surprised they were selling this. Definitely a pretty penny but now I get to watch it at my leisure when I get home! May do a write up about it eventually. The Zashikiwarashi Blu-Ray actually went on sale today, but it only delivers in Japan. Sighhh. I guess I have no choice but to fly back when the Umi Bozu stageplay goes live. Or if it pops up on Mercari some time in August the price gouging hopefully won't be too horrific.

[cassandraclare]

Original versions/Matthew

pagesofmoonlight asked:

was matthew ever going to ....

die/turn into a vampire in your original outline for chain of thorns?

poesflowercrown asked:

Based on the original epilogue you talked about, was matthew originally gonna die in edom ??

No.

I think we kinda need to dispense with the idea that there was some “original idea” for the Last Hours, start to finish, and the current version is different. There isn’t and there wasn’t. When I talk about old ideas I’m usually talking about concepts I rolled around in my head before discarding them in coming up with the final concept; it would be rare that I’d even have gotten far enough at that stage to write down a note. Thinking “maybe everyone James knew is dead” at some point is not detailed enough for me even to have known anyone was going to Edom, or how anyone died, or anything else that happened.

This is the way anything is created. Every book involves the writer having had a thought in the past like “Maybe this would be interesting if it happened” and then tossing the idea: it does not mean that idea has any bearing or influence on the final product. While I think the past thoughts writers had while engaged in the process of coming up with a book are interesting, I think they’re irrelevant to the book. I see people twisting themselves into pretzels trying to figure out if some past “version” of TLH determined how the eventual TLH was plotted, or coming up with long conspiracy theories about how someone or other had to die because of the family tree.*

None of these things are true. There’s no “original” TLH, just a series of evolving thoughts that eventually become a final story, which is the version we consider to also be the actual story. I’m sure I considered every character’s death at one point or another. I probably considered blowing up London and having Oscar become prime minister. That’s how plotting works; it doesn’t mean any of that stuff is important, or — more significantly — that there is one “original version” rather than thousands, none of which have any more bearing on the final book than any other.

I will say I never thought of Matthew being a vampire even once! I did enjoy the theory though. 

*I made no decisions about anything based on the family tree. I decided it had to be inaccurate in order to free myself up to make whatever decisions I wanted — whether those decisions made the tree more or less inaccurate was irrelevant because it had to be. At the end of the day, the family tree is just extra content, and 90% of my readers have never heard of it or seen it.

[milkyplier]

Legend powerpoint??

Ooh boy

First, I’d like to start with the disclaimer that everyone enjoys their fandoms differently, that’s how it works. It’s supposed to be fun. And that is something I understand and respect.

Second, this rule also applies to me! That being said, I’ve seen some headcanons and stuff about Legend that bothered me and my personal perception of him. I’ve seen some things that seemed really out of character to me, so this Legend PowerPoint is a product of that. It’s entirely a fun project, and not meant to say “how I see Legend is the Right Legend,” but rather to conduct a deep character analysis/study, and allow people who were interested to see into my mind and how I see Legend. And I was going to do this in the form of a Microsoft PowerPoint, because I thought it would be the most fun that way 😂

It’s slow going, though. My mind is pretty chaotic and full of insecurities and seemingly fragile connections and points. As a result, I seem to have a lot to go on, but I feel inadequate and like this won’t be fun, it will just be making a fool of myself.

Here’s a screenshot of the document where I’m compiling my notes. It really is in the beginning stages, so I’ve only gathered some things. I haven’t gotten to the tearing things apart/organization stage yet XD

[foxes-that-run]

Taylor Swift interview: 'A relationship? No one’s going to sign up for this'

“No one’s going to sign up for this and everything that goes with it. Like, “Hi, nice to meet you, want a date? Do you love camera flashes? I hope you do!” I don’t know what’s going to happen if I’m ever content in a relationship – no idea how that’s going to work,’ she continues, still smiling. ‘I don’t even know if that’s possible with the life I have.”

In an exclusive interview, the Shake It Off star talks to The Telegraph about sex, the Swifties and her friendship with Ed Sheeran.

'I had a bit of a reputation for having a lot of boy-bashing songs. Which is a really sexist way of saying heartbreak songs. ' Photo: Paola Kudacki/Trunk Archive

By Mark Sutherland GMT 28 Feb 2015 (x)

Taylor Swift is not only the biggest pop star on the planet, but also the biggest worrier. Right now she is worrying about this interview – her first major sit-down chat of the year. She has just come from a production meeting for her forth­coming world tour, fretting about the set list, sight lines and how to get her piano to the right part of the stage at the right time. Before that, when she woke up, she was immediately gripped with anxiety about something she said last night (even though it was only using the word ‘interjection’ when she meant ‘injection’). ‘I worry about everything all the time,’ she says with a grin. ‘We could do our entire interview me telling you how many things I’ve worried about since breakfast. “The Neuroses of Taylor Swift” is probably going to be the article headline.’

Most pop stars of Swift’s stature pay other people to worry about these things. And while the buzz of activity as we arrive at the well-appointed Beverly Hills house being used by Team Swift for their production meeting indicates that she has no shortage of people looking out for her, she remains hands-on with every aspect of her career.

But then the one thing she doesn’t need to worry about is how that career is going. It is Grammys weekend when we meet, and although Swift is attending rather than performing, she is still going to be the centre of attention.

There are plenty of reasons. She is the only artist ever to sell more than a million first-week US copies of three separate albums – Speak Now in 2010, Red in 2012, and 1989, released in October, which racked up the biggest first-week American sales since 2002 and went to number one around the world, including the UK, where it was the best-selling album by an international artist last year. Its lead single, Shake It Off, was an iTunes number one in 64 countries. She is the first artist since the Beatles to spend six or more weeks at number one in the United States with three consecutive albums (at the time of writing, 1989 is into its 11th week at the top).

Her cultural weight – 52.8 million Twitter followers, 22.1 million on Instagram and 74.4 million likes on Facebook – means that she can break acts with a single tweet, and she regularly shines that spotlight on new artists she enjoys. Her removal of her back catalogue from Spotify resulted in the music-streaming company’s CEO, Daniel Ek, justifying its entire business model. ‘I didn’t think it was going to be international news or affect a public offering,’ she claims. ‘If I have an opinion on something, I act accordingly – and I believe music is valuable.’

She ponders whether she’ll be the last person ever to sell this many records. ‘There were so many doomsday theories about the music industry,’ she says. ‘For the last two albums I’d sold one million copies in a week, and I knew people were waiting to see me not hit that number and then diagnose the music industry as dying or dead. Which is a lot of pressure to put on one artist and one album.’

Does she think future artists will sell records like this again? ‘It’s possible,’ she says. ‘We all have to step up and make albums that are good, top to bottom, if selling albums is still important. It is to me, but a lot of artists have already given up on that. I have friends who just think it’s not attainable, which I feel is a very defeatist way to look at life.’

And defeatism is not the Swift way. Her infectious can-do attitude is evident from the moment she greets me brightly at the door, wearing an elegant dress, with her hair swept back. Despite knowing her height (5ft 10in), I find her taller than I expected and slimmer, too. Swift has ordered in coffee, apologising for the lack of tea (‘You’re British! I should’ve known!’) and peppers conversation with first-name references to her famous friends.

Single after a string of high-profile relationships with men such as Harry Styles, Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Lautner, she has recruited a ‘squad’ of high-achieving close girlfriends, and spends what little downtime she gets baking with the supermodel Karlie Kloss, strolling around New York with the Girls actress and writer Lena Dunham or, as her recent Instagram posts indicate, whale-watching in Hawaii with the indie band Haim. ‘The thing about my girlfriends right now is that none of them needs me for anything other than friendship,’ she says. ‘I love the fact that they are all passionate about their jobs, whatever their jobs are. A lot of celebrity-type people have this group of people around them where their friends’ main priority is them, and they feel comfortable with that dynamic. I don’t feel comfortable with that dynamic.’

Taylor Alison Swift was born in West Reading, Pennsylvania, on December 13 1989 (13 is her lucky number). She spent her early years on a Christmas-tree farm run as a side business by her parents. Her father, Scott, is a wealth management adviser with Merrill Lynch; her mother, Andrea, worked at a mutual fund before becoming a full-time mother to Taylor and her younger brother, Austin. While at school in Pennsylvania Taylor often appeared in musical productions, local fairs and talent shows; and her love of country music was sparked by Shania Twain, perhaps the last country superstar to cross over to the pop charts as successfully as Swift.

The Swifts moved to Nashville, the home of country music, when their daughter was 15. Taylor and her mother had four years earlier hawked a demo CD around Nashville’s Music Row, going door-to-door in search of a break. Shortly after the family was uprooted, that break arrived. Swift became the youngest songwriter ever to be signed to Sony/ATV Music Publishing, and a year later a record deal followed with the fledgling label Big Machine, which released her eponymous debut album in 2006. Crucially, she became one of the first country artists to use the internet to market herself, expanding her reach beyond the genre’s traditional heartlands to recruit an army of teenage girl fans.

By the time of her second album, Fearless, in 2008, Swift was already shifting away from country (its lead single, Love Story, became her first hit in the UK, where she was marketed as a pop artist). Fearless made her the youngest ever winner of the album of the year Grammy (in 2010) and the first country star to win an MTV video award (best female video for You Belong with Me in 2009). Her acceptance speech was interrupted by the rapper Kanye West, who stormed the stage incensed that Beyoncé hadn’t won. Swift was devastated, but the incident catapulted her to mainstream attention. Barack Obama was moved to call West a ‘jackass’.

Her subsequent albums Speak Now and Red were progressively a little less country, a little more pop, but she has remained popular in Nashville. In 2013 she became the second ever winner of the Country Music Association’s Pinnacle Award, its highest honour. The previous winner, Garth Brooks, was in his mid-40s when he won – Swift was 23.

Taylor with Jay Z, Kanye West, and KIm Kardashian at the Grammy Awards last month. PHOTO: Getty

The Grammy Museum in Los Angeles has an entire floor dedicated to her story. There, footage of her singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star as a toddler, belting out the national anthem at sports events as a child and improvising a song about traffic for a country radio station as a teenager reveal that she has undoubtedly always been talented, if not prodigiously so. ‘I’m really lucky I got 10 years of practice in before we reached this point,’ she says. ‘I’ve climbed a lot of flights of stairs, rather than got a speed elevator. [Nowadays] an artist is just shot out of a cannon into the stratosphere.’

Before the release of 1989 Swift moved to New York. She cut her trademark long, blond hair and embraced feminism, although not, she says, as ‘some strategy – being a feminist is just part of my life’. She started going out drinking more, gradually easing away from the prim image that defined her teenage years, although she stresses, ‘My point is not to be sexy, my point is not to turn masses of people on.’ And she made a determined attempt to cause a ‘change in the narrative’ that had portrayed her as some sort of serial-dating bunny-boiler (an idea her song Blank Space skewers deliciously, by writing from the perspective of that character). ‘There was a bit of a reputation for having a lot of boy-bashing songs,’ she says, referring to the likes of I Knew You Were Trouble and Should’ve Said No. ‘Which is a sexist way of saying heartbreak songs. To trivialise someone who’s heartbroken is really cruel. But people have to simplify things,’ she says. ‘Everybody’s got busy lives, they don’t have time to form a complex opinion of me and my music. I’m in a different place in my life, where love isn’t really a priority. I haven’t dated anyone in years so there’s less chatter about the serial dater thing. I’m just really excited at an awards show when they don’t make some weird joke about my dating life.’

With Harry Styles in New York, December 2012. PHOTO: Getty

The other night she was photographed out with the Irish singer-songwriter Andrew Hozier-Byrne and some other friends, and she became anxious about what the gossip sites would say the next day. ‘I just got so freaked out that people were going to say I was dating him,’ she says. ‘I started thinking, “I can’t let this ruin my friendships with dudes.” I didn’t let it ruin my friendship with Ed [Sheeran] – they always said we were dating and we never were. But sometimes I get really scared.’

There was a time when Swift would refuse to use the internet for fear of what she might see (‘It’s very difficult to know people have the wrong impression of you and you can’t do anything to correct it’), but now she spends a lot of time online, interacting with the Swifties, her hardcore fans. ‘Not in a way that’s like, having sycophantic worshippers,’ she stresses. ‘My fans make fun of me – it’s really cool. They have all these Gifs of me making an idiot of myself or tripping and falling on stage. They bring humour back into it for me. I get too serious sometimes – you can probably tell – and they bring me back to like, “OK, I’m not really doing anything that difficult. I just need to calm down.” ’

 Performing on The Voice, 2014. PHOTO: Getty

Based on what she learns from ‘lurking’ on their social-media profiles, Swift has made fans post-break-up playlists, paid off their student loans and sent gifts for Christmas and Valentine’s Day, accompanied by handwritten notes. You would assume she has people to do this for her, but she insists she does it all herself (‘I don’t take it to FedEx, but I pack the box and tape it – I have so much bubble wrap in my house!’).

‘I love them,’ she says of her fans. ‘They are cool and smart and hilarious and focused on the right things. I want to make the most of this cultural relevance or success or whatever you want to call it, because it’s not going to last. I have to be as good a person [as I can] while my name matters to them. Because it’s not always going to matter to kids who are 15 and really struggling with who they want to be or [because] their friends were brutal to them at school that day. That’s actual turmoil. I have to do everything I can to make their day better while I still can. [Sending presents] is fun for me. If I go a week without sending something, I start to feel sad. I’m getting to know them on a person-by-person basis. When I pick people to send packages to, I go on their social-media sites for the last six months and figure out what they like or what they are going through. Do they like photography? I’ll get them a 1980s Polaroid camera. Do they like vintage stuff? I’ll go to an antiques place and get them 1920s earrings. Do they work out a lot? I’ll get them workout stuff. When you actually get to know them on a person-by-person basis, you realise what you’re doing is special and sacred and it matters.’

 With her mother at the Grammy Awards, 2010. PHOTO: Getty

It is impossible to imagine other pop stars spending time doing all this. Can she really be this nice all the time? ‘No, because that’s annoying, too,’ she says, laughing. ‘And it’s not real if someone appears to never have any issues with anyone. I have my friends, I have enemies. I have bad days when I don’t want to go to a photo shoot, but I’m not going to show up four hours late, I’m going to be there on time. I’m not nice all the time but I try not to be carelessly rude to people who don’t deserve it.

‘When I’m with my friends, we don’t say glowing things about everybody,’ she says, grinning conspiratorially. ‘We’re not sitting around going [adopts Stepford Wives-esque voice and posture], “You know who’s really special and wonderful?” That’s not what we talk about – we’re normal girlfriends.’

But just whom they might be talking about in that way, Swift is not prepared to share. The gossip sites’ one-time fascination with her love life may have been temporarily frustrated, but it threatens to be replaced by interest in her apparent feud with Katy Perry, the rumoured subject of a track on 1989, Bad Blood. ‘I’m not giving them anything to write about,’ she says, smiling steelily. ‘I’m not walking up the street with boys, I’m not stumbling out of clubs drunk. But I’m never going to talk about her in my interview. It’s not going to happen.’

 Taylor with Karlie Kloss at a Victoria Secrets show in London last December. PHOTO: Getty

Instead, Swift is concentrating on trying, in her words, ‘to create a beautiful life’. That life would appear to have no room in it for a significant other right now. She likes to ‘play the tape of her life forward’ when she’s making decisions. But ask her what the tape looks like if you fast-forward five years and she seems less certain. ‘I’ll be 30,’ she gasps. ‘I’ll probably still be single, let’s be honest. No one’s going to sign up for this and everything that goes with it. Like, “Hi, nice to meet you, want a date? Do you love camera flashes? I hope you do!” I don’t know what’s going to happen if I’m ever content in a relationship – no idea how that’s going to work,’ she continues, still smiling. ‘I don’t even know if that’s possible with the life I have.

‘“In five years’ time she’ll be so afraid of everything, she doesn’t leave her house,”’ she says, laughing self-mockingly. ‘“She’s just surrounded by cats. So many cats, they’ve divided themselves up into armies and she wanders around lint-rolling the couch that no one’s going to sit on because she’s afraid to have people over…”’

Singing at a baseball game in 2009. PHOTO: Getty

Swift is not even sure she’ll have made another album by the time 2020 rolls around. ‘I’m not going to put out an album until I’ve made one that’s better than this one and that’s going to be really hard,’ she says. And how might her music evolve if she does find love? ‘If that does happen, I think I could find complexity in happiness,’ she says. ‘I don’t think anything’s ever simple. Just because you’re happy in a relationship doesn’t mean that there aren’t moments of confusion or frustration or loneliness or sadness. Hopefully, if I ever find some sort of meaningful relationship, I’ll be able to still find inspiration, just through the everyday ups and downs.’

For now, though, her life is mapped out indefinitely. As we start to leave she runs through her schedule for the rest of the day: watch the fan reaction videos to her latest batch of gift-giving, work out, go to a dress-fitting, more meetings, then a pre-Grammy party. Tomorrow she will attend the actual Grammys with her best friend from high school, Abigail Anderson, a charity worker. (Despite three nominations – record of the year, song of the year, and best pop solo performance, all for Shake It Off – she won’t add to her four Grammys, but will still look as if she’s having more fun than anyone else.) She has a Brit Awards performance to plan and a new single (Style) to release. The 1989 World Tour kicks off in May, including a date at the British Summer Time Festival in Hyde Park in June.

‘I used to think it was important to find a boyfriend,’ she says before politely taking her leave. ��But I don’t feel that it is now. I just want to have as much fun and as many adventures as possible.’ And for once, you suspect, she really doesn’t need to worry.

1989 is out now on Big Machine. The 1989 World Tour comes to Britain in June

[roguerevieweradl]

Heathers Review (Pelican Productions) - 12/09/2024

Stepping into Heathers, I knew we were in for a wild ride, but I wasn’t prepared for the sheer power and presence of this cast. 

Tayla Prime as Heather Chandler was an absolute force of nature. She dominated the stage with so much authority that I found myself genuinely intimidated from the audience! I wouldn’t dare cross her Chandler—if I were in Westerberg High, I’d be running for the hills. It was a performance that oozed confidence and power, embodying the iconic ‘mythic b****’ perfectly.

Teagan Garvey as JD had some great moments, especially in the beginning where he played up JD’s charm to a T. His descent into madness was compelling, with Garvey really showcasing the complexity of the role. There were a few moments where his vocals fell a little flat, but overall, he was stellar and brought a lot to the table.

Then there’s Samantha Keough as Veronica—wow. I have never been so in awe of a voice. She didn’t just deliver; she owned the character, adding her unique vocal flair rather than just doing a by-the-numbers version of Veronica. I’d go so far as to say she’s one of the best Veronicas I’ve seen in Adelaide!

Caitlin Laventure as Heather Duke was a standout for me. Talk about a triple threat—the dancing, the singing, the acting, all flawlessly executed. I honestly can’t believe she isn’t already a staple in the professional scene. It was hard to keep my eyes off her whenever she was on stage.

Lily Horton-Stewarts Heather McNamara was another highlight. "Lifeboat" was a real emotional journey, and she took the audience right along with her. I could feel her anxiety bubbling under the surface, and when it broke, it was powerful. A beautifully crafted performance.

And then, Darcie Yelland as Martha—my heart. She brought so much warmth and life to Martha that you just wanted to give her a hug. By the time "Kindergarten Boyfriend" hit, I was a complete mess. It’s a challenging role to pull off, but Yelland absolutely nailed it.

I have to mention my favorite duo of the night: Zach Bartlett and Freddie Windle as Kurt and Ram. These two bounced off each other perfectly, delivering the humor and energy the roles require. They’re an iconic duo, and I truly hope to see them working together in the future!

Hannah Brown as Ms. Fleming brought so much life to the ditzy teacher role. You could really sense how much she cared about her News Crew… which made for a lot of laughs. I thoroughly enjoyed watching her performance!

The song of the night had to be ‘My Dead Gay Son’. The dads, Leo Sage and Hanno de Klerk, absolutely nailed it! The audience couldn’t stop clapping, and we just wanted more. Well done to both actors for a standout performance.

The ensemble deserves massive credit as well. The choreography and vocals were tight and well-constructed, with each piece fitting together like a perfectly synchronized puzzle. You could just feel the joy radiating off the entire cast, which gave the performance an extra spark of magic.

As for the set design, it was nothing short of spectacular. I loved the concept—especially how the brick wall split apart, and the two-story levels made the stage feel dynamic and immersive. I found myself wondering how long it took to build because it was just so beautifully crafted.

The lighting was also brilliantly executed. I loved how they played within the scheme. My favorite moment had to be during the bomb sequence, where the stage transformed into what looked like a disco ball for just a moment, symbolizing the explosion—it was an inventive and effective choice.

Sound was mostly on point. While there were a few minor issues with mics not being turned on in time or some effects coming in late, the sound mix overall was fantastic. Missing a couple of lines didn’t take away from how well everything sounded.

Big shoutout to the creative team. You’ve put on an amazing rendition of Heathers, and I’m excited to see what you all work on next. Overall, this cast for Heathers knocked it out of the park. From powerhouse performances to stellar ensemble work, this show was a treat from start to finish.

[pinkeoni]

Re: The Concern for Actor Ages

This is a post to discuss and hopefully alleviate some of the concerns regarding the actor’s ages for season 5, as well as offer a counter to some of the points being made.

The whole “the actors are going to look so old once season 5 comes out!!” is a joke as old as season 4. And like, I get it. I GET it. The actors do look a lot older than they are supposed to be. And honestly, it will probably happen again. I just don’t think it’s an actual issue.

And clearly, you’ve never seen El Camino.

So El Camino is a sequel film to the tv series Breaking Bad, which is meant to take place directly after and during the events of the last season of the show. It was also made several years after the series had concluded.

The biggest concern from fans was centered around Jesse Plemons reprising his role, who now looked much different from how he looked while filming the show. For comparison, here is Jesse Plemons in Breaking Bad vs Jesse Plemons in El Camino

There were a few options to circumvent this:

Force Jesse Plemons to lose a ton of weight during their short 50 day filming period, a dangerous and unhealthy method

Digitally de-age and slim down, an unreliable process with the potential to be distracting

Somehow find an adequate actor who looks exactly like young Jesse Plemons

And here’s the option that Vince Gilligan decides to go with, which I think is much better:

Cast Jesse Plemons in the role and have him act as is with his current appearance, and ask the audience to suspend their disbelief

To be fair, suspending your disbelief for a film production is a lot harder than say, for a staged production. An audience watching a play understands that what they are watching isn’t a perfect representation of reality, but an audience will interpret a film as reality.

So maybe it’s a little impossible to not notice if actors look different from how they are supposed to in universe. And if it’s distracting for you, maybe it can’t be helped. And I probably can’t change your mind. I didn’t find myself distracted when watching El Camino, however, because Jesse Plemons fucking kills it.

His performance is great. Plemons had gained maturity and skill in the six years since BB ended, and it’s reflected in his performance. He sells it and I buy it.

And I bought it in season 4, too. Of course the kids look older than they’re supposed to. But what were the Duffer’s supposed to do? Reverse time? Stop a global pandemic from happening? Find the fountain of youth?

They do use digital de-aging with El, but that was specifically to express El at a much much younger age that doesn’t have too much screentime. De-aging the entire cast for the entire season would have cost too much, taken too much time, would be too distracting and take away from the performances. And all of the kids do a stellar job.

So my general reaction when watching season 4 and seeing that the kids looked older: 🤷🏼‍♀️ Oh well. Shit happens.

To add another layer to this, I think it’s interesting to be able to peak behind the curtain and see the filmmaking process in the actual finished product. In a perfect world where pandemics don’t happen and production doesn’t take years, the actors would look how they are supposed to in universe. But they don’t. Seeing it warts and all just makes it so much more interesting and human.

Does this mean I always wanna see mistakes in the production? No, but when it’s something as unpredictable and human as how human bodies look, I’d rather just see the actors for how they are.

So. The actors are going to look different. It happens. I promise it’ll be fine. It could distract you, but once you accept the reality of it, you can move on.

[izumi-fanclub]

A3! Event Story Translation “NEW ERA GARDEN” [Chapter 6]

These old men got so much drama even I'm stressed out 💀

Yukio

I think Soji Okita isn’t inhuman, rather, a soldier who clung dearly to his life.

Reni

I want to show off Okita’s way of life beautifully.

Yukio

Reni, I want to see your more human and flawed Soji!

Kasumi

…Wait, more fighting from the two of you this time? Are you good?

Yuzo

I think they’re both getting heated up since they wanna make the performance good. Maybe it’s best to leave them be.

Reni

I have to disagree with what you’re saying, I just can’t picture it.

If you insist on it so much, you do it then.

Yukio

——...

Even if I do it, it’s not the same Soji Okita who’ll bloom the way Reni does.

Reni

…

*Syu claps to get rid of the tension in the air*

Syu

Alright alright, let’s take a break here.

Reni

——.

Yukio

You’re right, my bad. I’ll go buy a few drinks.

Reni

…

Syu

Looks like you guys reverted back to the old days too.

Reni

No way. At my age, I can’t afford to get mad.

Syu

I sure hope so.

(But I had to step in between them again.)

(——Back then, I was the same as I am now, and got dragged into it too.)

I had never liked Yukio Tachibana since I first joined the troupe, even after Reiji left the troupe, I had a hard time changing my mind about him. The reason I even joined MANKAI Company was because Reiji asked me to.

Should I even continue starring in the play without him?

At that time I was worried when he left the theater, wondering if he’ll be replaced by someone new, we didn’t have much contact anymore.

I blamed it all on Yukio Tachibana for befriending him.

My frustrations built up so much I felt like I could have a heart attack, so I avoided any contact with Yukio for a while, as much as possible.

The first day of the Winter Troupe’s performance comes amidst the circumstances,

I ignored all of Yukio’s directional orders and acted on my own selfish impulses during the production.

My actions were 100% anti-Yukio, I moved immaturely without thinking about the members of the troupe.

After the performance, Yukio came up to me as I was changing, looking calm as ever.

“...Was that the way you wanted to bloom, Syu-san?”

Interrupted, I nodded in frustration.

“I see… That’s fine.”

Yukio said quietly, it felt like I was caught in a lie.

I wasn’t thinking about the stage at all.

I just wanted to take out my frustrations on Yukio.

That must’ve been the worst thing I could have done as an actor.

It was the biggest mistake in my long career as an actor since I was a child.

Eventually, not just the Winter Troupe got worried, but the other troupes members were concerned as well, that’s when I came to my senses.

Soon after, I followed through with the original directions the next day and continued to perform.

I thought about what a total sham of an actor I’ve become.

Then, when the final days of the performance came, Yukio stopped by again.

I’d rather get punished for the show I put on the first day, or better yet, get kicked out of the troupe entirely.

Just when I made up my mind about it, Yukio’s next words came as a shock to me.

“I’m thinking of having you play the lead role in the next Winter Troupe play.”

“Hah?”

“I got the idea after seeing your performance on the first day. It doesn’t fit this performance, but it showed a new side of Syu-san.”

“The darker side of Syu-san, who’s always cynical and masculine, was hidden away…

I was thrilled to think that even in that kind of direction, you might flourish onstage. Perhaps I was a little caught up in stereotypes. So I’d like to try a new take on your play in the next show.”

Yukio said all that with a twinkle in his eyes…

At the same time as I was swayed by his courage, I also realized that I really didn’t like this guy.

Even in the most tough situations, he sees through his opposition calmly and follows his heart as a director and theater artist rather than his own personal feelings.

It was a far cry from me, who almost ruined the play with my personal grudges.

As a theater guy, I couldn’t help but grind my teeth.

I didn’t like him as a person, but as a theater artist, I respected him and thought that’s what I want to be.

That's why, I decided I couldn’t end things there.

At that moment, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t quit the troupe… until I’ve stolen all I can learn from this man.

Reni

…Cheers.

Syu

Yukio and Hiro are also going out for drinks today.

Reni

It seems they take turns in inviting one another during rehearsals. Another thing I can’t quite comprehend.

Syu

It was interesting that he happened to invite Yuzo to a drink first.

Reni

To be fair, they don’t really get the chance that often.

Syu

Yuzo, me, now Hiro, then Zen next. Has he already invited you too, Reiji?

Reni

…We already made plans to go well before rehearsals began, there’s nothing that needs to be said between us now.

Syu

I think you two need to make up and take the time to discuss Soji Okita’s image and compromise on something.

Reni

…And your own image of Toshizo Hijikata is?

Syu

About that…

I also talked about it with Yukio the other day when we had drinks here.

Yukio

He differs as a leader compared to the straightforward Isami Kondo, he will do whatever it takes to achieve his goals in an open-minded way…

I think that kind of image best suits you, Syu-san.

Even back in the first generation, you thought more about the stage than your own personal feelings, you always put yourself first as an actor and a performer, right?

I think I saw Hijikata in you…

Syu

(...This man got no idea I learned it all from him, though.)

Reni

An open-minded approach, huh… I see.

Syu

…Speaking of, I secretly informed the members of the first Winter Troupe about the occasion.

Reni

…We settled on making this confidential.

Syu

Come on, GOD-za knows about it too anyway, don’t they?

Reni

…

Some mishaps happened last time in “Traces of a Dream”, so I couldn’t tell them in advance.

Syu

Because of Yukio’s indiscriminate cast scouting, many of the first gen actors had jobs on the side and didn’t really have an intention of making a living doing theater anyway.

Even though most of them aren’t in the industry now, they were all happy.

Even if they’re not in theater, even if they’re not on the stage now, we won’t ever change. We’ll always be the friends who were once on the same stage.

The bonds of a relationship aren’t something you can completely break off… That’s the conclusion I came to after witnessing the newborn troupe.

Reni

…

Syu

…For all that we’ve lost, we still gained something. You’re one of those, aren’t you?

Reni

…Yes.

…However, there are times where I recall that I was once lost.

Syu

The Soji in your mind is Yukio, isn’t it?

Reni

…

An aspiration that will be never fulfilled, an idol.

That was all I could think about and follow throughout the rehearsal.

I vowed to stop chasing after what I’ve lost… I’ve sworn on it.

Syu

Talk to Yukio and open up before the actual show starts. He reminisces about the past, too.

That’s why I’m telling you, you have to let him talk this time.

[ Prev. ]

[ Next ]

[maybeimamuppet]

Hey uh I need you to go more in depth about the "the characters know they're in a musical" thing because that is an insane take I've never heard about any musical in my entire life

hello i will do so and relish in it

okay to begin with this only applies to the stage production. both movies we are just watching what’s happening in real time imo. they have no idea wtf is going on look at them.

when the stage production opens damian has a whole little spiel like “good morning freshmen! welcome to high school!” and then cautionary tale happens and blah blah blah etc.

it’s also worth noting that. mean girls is objectively not a good musical. is it my favorite yes will i shank anyone outside the fandom who says this 100% BUT if you compare it to something like the prom with a similar setting/similar vague concept it’s really not. not great.

BUT i think this was kind of weirdly intentionally done.

again in the beginning during it roars and whatnot the animals that walk by are clearly just people in costumes and i think that’s also on purpose. the zebras have paintbrushes for manes for pete’s sake (like janis hello???)

SO i personally think that what we’re seeing is a musical that damian and janis co-wrote. i think damian did most of it and janis helped. she wrote i’d rather be me and things like that

i think it’s bad because it was written and produced by actual teenagers themselves. i am 100% convinced that they are seniors acting out the previous year as a sort of welcome to high school assembly for the incoming freshmen. mr. duvall said they could either do something creative to tell their story as an example of why Bullying Is Bad ™ or have detention for the entirety of the next year and they did this. the others have to act in it for the same reason and janis and damian just wanted to.

they’re acting as themselves and fully self aware the entire time. it feels like it’s happening in real time because it’s only been a few months since it did and the memories are fresh for all of them.

karen is the only one who breaks the fourth wall (except janis and damian at the top of the show and top of the second act) for GOOD REASON!! SHES DONE IT ALL BEFORE!!!!!

the reason janis and damian are the sort of narrators and the audience’s window into the show is because they’re the ones who are putting it on and producing it.

anyway in conclusion i fully believe they’re aware they’re in a musical and this is all happening like in their school gym or auditorium lmao

[kidakumajodevil]

Shadow of the Vampire Review

As a die-hard fan of both versions of Nosferatu (and the trailer for the latest rendition had me slobbering), I’m rather ashamed to admit I’d never seen Edmund Merhige’s 2000 Vampire Film, Shadow of the Vampire. I was aware of the fact that the movie is a “what if?” scenario; one that assumes the popular urban myth that Max Schreck (the eccentric actor who played Count Orlock in the original 1922 version) was actually a Vampire, is true. But for a reason I can’t really remember, I never had the urge to watch the film. Woe and behold, that turned out to be a grave mistake on my part, as Shadow of the Vampire is actually an amazing experience.

As I mentioned before, the movie follows the historical production of Nosferatu: starting in Germany, and then Czechoslovakia, when the crew begins filming on site. Our “hero” is F. W. Murnau (played fantastically by John Malkovich) : a tyrannical film director (which is quite removed from the real Murnau, who was by all accounts a demanding, yet fair leader) who does things like drug cats, and demeans his cast and crew with his barbed pretension. The man is immediately shown to be willing to do anything for his art…but the depths he’s willing to plunge into truly known until they begin filming at Orlok's Castle by night, and do the famous scene in which Gustav von Wangenheim (played by Eddie Izzard in a surprisingly short, yet rather hilarious role) ascends the ruin, and the mysterious “stage-actor” Max Schreck reveals himself from the shadows of a hallway, and beckons him inside with his bony finger, in an absolutely terrifying sequence. Immediately afterwards, members of the crew begin disappearing one by one. While I would be remiss not to mention the intriguing contemplations and criticisms of filmmaking that make up the film’s themes, to me “Schreck” completely eclipses everything else about the movie. Played by the legendary character-actor, William Dafoe, there’s a reason why he was nominated for an oscar: this is - in my opinion - his best performance bar none. His vampire absolutely oozes that existential dread of a forsaken immortal being; one so ancient he doesn't even have his memories anymore to comfort his loathsome existence. “There was a time when I fed from golden chalices.” And yet there’s also a glimmer of sarcasm and very dark humor present in his rotting cadaver (helped by Dafoe going absolutely ham with the role). He somehow manages to balance both being pathetically sympathetic and inhumanly monstrous (similar to Count Dracula’s depiction in Werner Herzog Nosferatu the Vampyre), the best type of blood-sucker in my opinion. And the absolute heart of the film.

Production wise, the movie is really good: the crew did an amazing job, sparing no expense (thanks Nicholas Cage!) transforming the sets into beautiful gothic scenery. The movie was filmed in Luxembourg, Germany; so the castle’s we see are real ones (though they sadly didn’t get to shoot some scenes at Orava Castle; the one used in the original Nosferatu), which add to the visual flair. We have shots of beautiful European landscape; silent movie studio sets; train stations; rurals towns; and, of course, crumbling fortresses. The gothic works; which also include a suitably atmospheric soundtrack, excellent performances by the entire cast, and a brilliant usage of light and shadow to enhance the delicious gothic ambiance. A +.

Ultimately, Shadow of the Vampire is absolutely worth watching (I'm kicking myself for not seeing it earlier; don't make my mistake). While William Dafoe's excellent depiction of the Nosferatu overshadows the rest of the movie; that movie is damn good in it's own right too. It made me think a lot of about the parasitic, undead nature of film-making that's actually inherent to the genre, and the atmosphere it presents itself is both chilling and delicious. It's joining the list of great Vampire movies I can binge endlessly. With no reservations, I give it my bloody recommendation.

[not-wholly-unheroic]

The Many Faces of Captain James Hook

With the release of the first promotional images of Jude Law’s Captain Hook for Disney’s upcoming Peter Pan and Wendy, there’s been a lot of complaints about both the costuming choices made and the fact that Law’s Hook bears little physical resemblance to the captain’s more “traditional” look and seems to be older than most versions with his graying locks. Some have even gone so far as to call Law’s Hook “ugly”—which I find rather unfair and even laughable. (If you find Jude Law in any role ugly, your male beauty standards are ridiculously high and I hate to think how hideous you must think most average people are.) Further, it’s a bit shallow to reduce a character completely to his physical attractiveness—especially a character as complex and complicated as Captain James Hook. Barrie’s Hook was described as being handsome, yes, but the popular vision of Hook as being an inherently “sexy” character is a fairly modern phenomenon in the story’s history—probably largely due to Jason Isaacs’ performance in the 2003 Peter Pan and, more recently, Colin O’Donoghue’s “Killian Jones” (who isn’t even technically James Hook) for Once Upon a Time. But the character has existed for close to 120 years, and in that time, he has borne many faces—some instantly recognizable as our favorite captain; others less so. He has worn a variety of colors and clothing styles, had nearly every shade of hair, and possessed varying degrees of facial hair. In fact, you may be surprised to find that the iconic waxed mustache, red coat, and ostrich plumed hat likely didn’t become mainstream until around the time Disney put out their version of the film. (That’s not to say other, previous Hooks didn’t ever have these characteristics. Only that Disney was probably the catalyst that solidified the look into the mind of the fandom.) For those who may not be as familiar with the history of the Hooks, let’s take a quick look at some of the lesser known versions of the character…some of whose influences can still be seen in Law’s Hook.

Here we see the costume design for Captain Hook by William Nicholson for the first production of Peter Pan, Duke of York's Theatre, 1904. You’ll notice the concept art doesn’t feature the bright red coat or any pluming on the tricorn hat.

You can see how this costume idea might have translated onto an actor in this image of one of the earliest actors to play Hook on stage, Robb Harwood.

Notice, he has no facial hair at all and although he looks like a gentleman, he’s far less “frilly” than the standard Hook is today.

The iconic mustache is also conspicuously absent in the silent film’s Hook, played by actor Ernest Torrence. He also still has the tricorn hat without any plumage. Note that Barrie was still alive at the time of the silent film when it came out in 1924, and some of his suggestions made it into the film.

Another early Hook, played by famed horror actor Boris Karloff for the 1950 Bernstein musical looks downright terrifying.

He has the mustache and the hair going on but I don’t know if I’d call him exactly “handsome” here.

Then we get to the 1960s. This seems to be about the time that we get the bicorn hat that Law’s Hook wears in the promotional photo. It shows up both in some scenes with Cyril Ritchard’s version of the character (notably, Ritchard was in his 60s when the film version was recorded, and his Hook has gray hair)—though he also has the red plumed hat we associate with most modern Hooks—and in Vincent Price’s stage Hook (sadly, not recorded to my knowledge).

Of course, we also get Disney’s version of Hook in 1953, and after that, we start to see more of the “iconic” Hook look that we’re used to with a few exceptions, such as Fox’s Hook from the 1990 series Peter Pan and the Pirates, who has white hair, no facial hair, and a dark navy blue/black outfit.

Despite looking more like an angry Quaker Oatmeal man than the usual Captain Hook, this guy gets a lot of love from the fandom because Tim Curry’s voice acting knocks it out of the park and personality wise, his Hook is both refined and threatening.

We also have to remember that even Hoffman’s 1991 version of the captain is likely much older than (and not quite as good looking as) he comes off as when he’s fully made up. Recall the scene near the end when he loses his wig:

And Rhys Ifans’ “prequel” Hook in SyFy’s Neverland (2011) hardly looks like a Hook at all when we first meet him.

Even after his transformation into the pirate we’re more familiar with, he still has the “wrong” hair color and no mustache.

Yet he manages to get the right “feel” for Hook, which makes up for everything else, epitomizing the messed up father figure in Peter’s life, inspiring both our sympathy and revulsion.

My point in saying all of this is not to explicitly praise Law’s Hook or make any kind of judgement—for that, we’ll have to see the film itself—but to simply remind folks that Hook has worn many faces over the years, and ultimately, what he looks like matters less than the actor and director’s grasp of who he is as a person. Hook, as a fan favorite, has some incredibly large boots to fill and whether or not Law will live up to those expectations remains to be seen. But let’s give the guy (and his character) a chance to speak for himself before we go judging too much. Some of the greatest Hooks haven’t always looked like what we’d expect him to.

[aller-geez]

Vaelyn’s Journal

(A glimpse into the journal Vaelyn left when he disappeared after the fire at a Toad Biscuit show)

(A continuation of this fic can be read here, and LET ME TELL YOU, WORTH THE READ.)

Nebralis 3rd, 4777

Well, here I am—journaling. Never thought I’d sink to this level, but Rexar said I needed a hobby that wasn’t, and I quote, “making everything about myself” or “picking fights for fun.” He doesn’t get it; those are my hobbies, Rex. But no, apparently, scribbling in a notebook counts as productive. So congrats, journal, you’re officially my new therapist. Sorry in advance for the mess you’re about to witness. At least you don’t charge by the hour.

Tour’s been insane lately—in the best way possible. Last night’s crowd was on another level. I swear my ears are still ringing from the sheer volume of people screaming our lyrics back at us. There’s nothing like it. That wall of sound? It’s like an electric current running through your veins, charging every nerve, making you feel invincible. For those two hours, you’re not just a guy on a stage; you’re a god, and they’re your worshippers. It’s addictive, man. Makes all the sleepless nights, shitty gas station snacks, and the occasional questionable motel worth it.

Oh, and “Inferno’s Lament”? Absolutely nailed it. I mean, not to toot my own horn, but I shredded that riff so hard the strings were practically begging for mercy. Rex didn’t even try to steal my thunder for once. I caught him smirking, though. He’s sneaky like that. He’d rather choke on his own pride than admit it outright, but I know he was impressed. It’s the little things, you know?

Kriia, on the other hand, is a one-woman health brigade. This morning, she stormed onto the bus wielding a blender full of something green, chunky, and entirely too suspicious. “It’s for your immune system,” she said, like that explained the fact that it smelled like a lawnmower threw up. I choked it down like a champ because I’m nothing if not a team player, but let me tell you, grass has no business being in liquid form. Pretty sure my taste buds are filing a formal complaint.

Speaking of the bus, it’s becoming more of a madhouse with each passing day. Rexar’s got his guitar permanently glued to his hands, Kriia’s organizing everything like she’s running a military operation, and I’m just trying to keep up with it all. Life’s chaotic, exhausting, messy—and I love it.

Here’s hoping it stays this way.

(Also, note to self: figure out how to casually bring up to Rexar that we need actual snacks on this bus. If I see another bag of stale chips, I might riot.)

Nebralis 10th, 4777

You’ll never believe what I pulled off last night, journal. During soundcheck, I might’ve cranked my amp up to 11. Not metaphorically. Literally. The poor speakers didn’t stand a chance. One minute, everything’s normal, and the next, there’s this unholy screeching noise followed by a very satisfying pop. The crew was pissed—like, “ready to string me up with guitar cables” pissed—but the look on Rex’s face? Priceless. He looked like he was one bad chord away from punting me straight into next week. Worth every penny it’s going to cost to fix the damage.

That said, Rex has been… weird lately. Normally, his broody “I’m too cool to smile” shtick is just part of his charm, but recently it’s like he’s carrying around the weight of the world on his overly muscled shoulders. Case in point: I made what I thought was a hilarious crack about his hair looking like it had gone twelve rounds with a weed whacker and lost. Usually, he’d fire back with something equally brutal (and probably funnier), but this time? He just gave me this weird, disappointed look, like I’d kicked his dog or something. It was unsettling, honestly. Note to self: retire the hair jokes until further notice.

Anyway, back to more important things—my music. I’ve been working on a new song, and let me tell you, it’s a beast. Heavy as hell, with a gnarly breakdown that’s going to melt faces and maybe even break a few bones. The kind of track that makes the crowd go feral in the pit. I’m calling it "Oblivion’s Grasp," and yeah, I know it sounds pretentious, but it fits. It’s got this raw, almost primal energy that just screams “instant classic.” Rex hasn’t heard it yet, but I’m banking on it being the thing to snap him out of his funk.

Tour life is exhausting, yeah—barely any sleep, running on gas station coffee, and constantly surrounded by people who are way too chipper for their own good—but it’s moments like these that remind me why I love it. The chaos, the adrenaline, the thrill of creating something that can make thousands of people lose their minds all at once.

Now, if only Rexar would stop looking like a kicked puppy, and Kriia would stop trying to make me drink liquid spinach every morning, life would be perfect.

Nebralis 22nd, 4777

Something’s wrong.

It started small—barely noticeable. Just this weird pressure in my head, like someone pressing their thumb into my temples. At first, I brushed it off as another headache or maybe the lack of sleep catching up to me. But now… now, it’s whispers. Faint, almost inaudible, like a distant radio frequency that keeps cutting in and out. They’re constant, though. They ebb and flow like waves, just loud enough to make me turn my head, only to find… nothing. Every. Single. Time.

I haven’t told Rex or Kriia. What would I even say? ���Hey, by the way, I’m hearing voices now. Cool, right?” They’d just worry, and the last thing I need is Rex launching into another lecture about “self-care” or Kriia dragging me off the bus to meditate under a tree or some shit. Besides, Rex is already on my case. He’s been riding me about snapping at the crew, and yeah, okay, maybe I’ve been a little… prickly lately. But it’s like my patience is razor-thin, and everything—everything—feels like it’s grating against my nerves.

We had another fight today. I don’t even remember how it started. Something about my amp, maybe? Or was it the soundcheck schedule? Doesn’t matter. It ended with Rex storming out, his footsteps heavy and furious, and Kriia giving me that look. You know the one—the look that says, “You’re better than this, and you know it.” But am I, though? Because right now, I don’t feel better. I feel… cracked. Like there’s something sharp and dark splintering just beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to break through.

I can’t shake this feeling, either. Like something’s watching me. Always just out of sight, hovering in the corners of my vision. It’s stupid, right? Stress, exhaustion, maybe even a touch of guilt over how I’ve been acting. That’s all it is. Except… sometimes I’ll catch a flicker of movement—a shadow where there shouldn’t be one. Or I’ll hear my name in those whispers, just faint enough that I can convince myself I imagined it.

I’m probably just stressed. Or tired. Or maybe…

...Maybe it’s something else.

Nebralis 37th, 4777

I haven’t slept in three days.

Every time I close my eyes, the shadows come alive. They don’t just move—they writhe and twist like they have a purpose, like they’re watching me, judging me. Sometimes they take shapes: faces I don’t recognize, with mouths stretched too wide, eyes that don’t blink. It’s like they’re daring me to look away, and when I don’t, they dissolve back into darkness, leaving behind this awful itch in the back of my mind.

And the voices… they’re louder now. No longer faint whispers in the distance, they’re right in my ear, hissing and mocking, their words just out of reach. Sometimes, I think I catch a phrase—“failure,” or “liar,” or “you don’t belong here”—but it’s so fleeting, I can’t be sure. I feel like I’m being haunted, stalked by something I can’t see but know is there.

I’m losing it.

Rex and I had another blow-up today. I don’t even know what set it off. He said I’m “impossible” lately, and he’s not wrong. I can feel it, too—this creeping, suffocating sense that everything is spiraling out of control and I’m powerless to stop it. I lashed out at him. I could see the hurt in his eyes before he stormed out, but I didn’t stop him. What could I even say? Sorry I’m losing my mind, please don’t take it personally?

Kriia tried to step in, like she always does, her calm, steady voice trying to pull me back to reason. But I snapped at her too. It was worse this time. Her face fell, and for the first time, I saw real pain in her expression. She didn’t say anything, just left the room quietly, and now I can’t stop thinking about how much she didn’t deserve that. None of them do. They’re trying to help, but every time they reach out, it feels like claws digging into my skin.

If this is what losing your mind feels like, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It’s like being trapped in a box where the walls are closing in, and you’re screaming, but no one can hear you—or worse, they can hear you, but they don’t know how to get you out.

The worst part? I’m afraid to tell them what’s really happening. How do you explain to your best friends that the shadows are watching you? That the voices are getting louder? That every time you blink, you’re afraid something will be there when your eyes open again?

I’m terrified. But even more than that, I’m ashamed.

Eclipsin 2nd, 4777

Tonight’s going to be epic.

We’re playing one of the biggest venues of the tour—massive stage, insane acoustics, sold-out crowd. The kind of show every musician dreams of. And I’ve been planning something special: a surprise pyro effect during “Burn the Sky.” I spent hours setting it up, tweaking the timing, making sure it’s flawless. When it goes off, it’s gonna blow Rex’s mind.

He needs it, too. The guy’s been in this weird, brooding headspace lately, even more than usual. I mean, I get it—touring is exhausting, and dealing with me can’t be a picnic. But tonight, when he sees those flames shoot up on cue, he’ll have no choice but to crack that stoic exterior. Maybe he’ll even smile. Hell, I might faint if that happens.

The whispers are quieter today. I’m not gonna lie, it feels like a win. Maybe it’s the adrenaline, or maybe I’m finally starting to beat this thing. Or maybe—get this—I just needed a good distraction. Who knew the cure for existential dread and auditory hallucinations was obsessing over pyrotechnics? Thanks, science.

Anyway, I feel good. Really good. My head’s clearer, and for the first time in weeks, I’m not jumping at shadows or snapping at everyone like a rabid dog. It’s like the fog is finally lifting.

Rex and Kriia still give me these side-eye glances, like they’re waiting for me to combust or something. Can’t really blame them; I have been a bit of a nightmare. But tonight, I’ll remind them why we’re out here doing this.

This show is going to be legendary. The crowd’s gonna scream their lungs out, Rex is gonna lose his cool when he sees the pyro, and for once, everything’s gonna feel right again.

And hey, if the flames accidentally singe Rex’s eyebrows off… well, that’s just a bonus.

Eclipsin 5th, 4777

What have I done?

The fire… it spread so fast. One moment, the crowd was screaming in excitement, their energy electric and feeding the stage. The next, their screams turned to panic, to terror. Smoke, flames, chaos—it’s all a blur in my mind, fragmented and broken like a smashed mirror.

I remember the pyro. I was so sure it would be perfect, that it would blow Rex’s mind and leave the crowd breathless. But something went wrong. Or maybe I went wrong. My mind feels like it’s full of holes, memories slipping through the cracks. I keep replaying that moment in my head, but it’s like trying to watch a shattered movie reel.

People got hurt. People… died.

I can still see their faces, distorted by the flames. Some were terrified, running for their lives, while others… others were laughing. Twisted, horrible laughter, echoing over the roar of the fire. Was it real? Or just another trick of my broken mind? I don’t know anymore.

I saw Rex, just for a moment. He was looking at me—no, through me—like I was a stranger. Like I was something dangerous. And Kriia… she wouldn’t even meet my eyes. That look of betrayal, of fear… it’s burned into my memory as vividly as the fire itself.

I ran.

I didn’t know what else to do. The smoke, the heat, the chaos—it all swallowed me whole, and I ran. My legs carried me out of the venue before my brain could catch up. The shadows were everywhere, crawling along the edges of my vision, twisting into grotesque shapes that felt too real to ignore. And the voices—they were louder than ever, screaming accusations, calling me a monster, telling me this was all my fault.

Maybe they’re right.

I can’t remember how I got out. I only know that I didn’t stop running until my legs gave out beneath me. I woke up… somewhere. A cheap motel, I think. The walls were stained, and the air reeked of mildew, but I didn’t care. I was too afraid to leave.

It wasn’t until today that I finally checked my phone. Rexar’s messages were there, a flood of frantic texts, each one worse than the last. He said he saw me leave the venue, but I haven’t responded. What could I even say? “Hey, Rex, sorry I burned down the place and killed people. Let’s grab lunch soon!”?

The voices won’t stop. They whisper every horrible thing I’ve ever thought about myself, clawing at the inside of my skull. And the shadows—they’re still here, slithering just out of reach, mocking me with their presence.

I can’t shake the feeling that something is chasing me, something I can’t outrun. Maybe it’s the Oblivion. Maybe it’s just me.

But one thing is clear. I can never go back. Not to the band, not to Rex, not to Kriia.

….I’m not sure who I am anymore, but whoever I was died in that fire.

[hyenahunt]

Rouge & Ruby: February's Situation - 4

Writer: Umeda Chitose

Season: Winter

Characters: Hiyori, Ibara, Nagisa, Jun

Proofreading: royalquintet (JP) & Skyress (ENG)

Translation: Mirei (Adam) & hyenahunt (Eve)

Hiyori: Huh, so in the end it's all about money rather than dreams? ...I'm not a fan, honestly.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Jun & Nagisa: … ?

Hiyori: It's not clicking at all. Explain it better!

Ibara: During Eden’s performance, I want both Adam and Eve to perform as well, and in the end, we will come together to perform as one.

I want to make use of this special structure of ours as part of the strategy — we can stand alone as Adam and Eve, but also unite as Eden.

Nagisa: … I see. So you want to fit in time for Adam and Eve to perform during Eden's timeslot.

… And the current increased exposure for Adam and Eve must also be in preparation for that strategy.

Jun: Back when we had Conquest, we did nothing but separate work, but it's been a good while since then, huh~?

And considering SS, people's main impression of us is bound to be of us all together as Eden.

I think it makes sense that we can show off the appeal of our unit structure to the public once again.

Hiyori: After all, if they're new to our unit's inner workings, they'll wind up wondering why just the two of us are on stage.

Ibara: We might be focusing on Adam and Eve for now, but as Chocolat Fes approaches, I plan on giving Eden more exposure.

To be more precise, I'll be adding work to show that the two have been combined to become Eden.

Just as His Highness said, If we don't show how our form and structure works, the show we have planned will lose its meaning.

Jun: Mm... So right now, we're supposed to use this time to prepare our individual strong points so we can use them to the fullest in Chocolat Fes?

Hiyori: I think that's a good take on it, Jun-kun. What a great summary, coming from you!

Jun: I mean, he went through all the trouble of preparing these documents. I paid proper attention to what he was saying, so even I understand this much.

Hiyori: Well, now that me and Jun-kun's questions have been answered to some extent.... next up is answering what Nagisa-kun had to say, too.

Nagisa: … Yes, please explain the whole structure of the event so we can understand how ES' Chocolat Fes will work.

…And also, I’d like to know what conditions must be met to count as Eden’s victory in Chocolat Fes in your eyes, Ibara.

Ibara: Aye aye ♪⁠ As you wish, Sir. Well then, to answer that, please turn your eyes to the documents on hand—

Time: A little while later

Jun: So we'll be selling chocolate or merchandise per unit, and our sales will be reflected in L$ earnings?

Ibara: Exactly. The amount of sales at the Chocolat Fes will be counted, so it can be said that the unit that sells the most products is the winner

Hiyori: Huh, so in the end it's all about money rather than dreams? ...I'm not a fan, honestly.

Ibara: Even if you’re against it, that’s simply how ES’ Chocolat Fes works.

Actually, they designed it to be quite accommodating. ES will generally provide chocolate and merchandise for all participating units.

Nagisa: … It's written in the document. They will prepare merchandise that is packaged and designed differently for each unit.

Jun: That's generous~ Though the contents are the same, just making the packaging different means it feels like you've gotten merch from a specific unit.

Hiyori: Well, making the contents the same essentially means all units are equal...

But since he's gone so far as to even come up with a special stage, I feel Ibara wouldn't be quite satisfied having the same merchandise as every other unit.

Just from what I've heard so far, I'm assuming you're planning something to outdo everyone else, aren't you? I mean, it's you we're talking about.

Ibara: …The way you put it is a little irritating, but I suppose I'll take it as a compliment. Please carefully read the notes on the bottom of the page.

Nagisa: … "Units are also allowed to plan and develop their own merchandise on the condition that they bear the costs themselves."

Ibara: Fufu. That is an extra clause I managed to add after discussion with ES management...☆

Jun: Ugh, that's playing dirty. There are only so many units that can even pull that off.

Ibara: And it's exactly because I'm confident we can pull it off that I've gotten that clause added in the first place!

Nagisa: … Ibara also has a sweets company right? If that’s the case, then you can make chocolate exclusively for Eden.

… I wonder what kind of chocolate it will be. I'm excited…♪⁠

Hiyori: Heheh, you sure do love chocolate, don't you?

Now that you've said there'll be chocolate made just for us, I'm starting to really look forward to it, too... ♪

Ibara: — So to say, what does achieving victory mean for me? It simply means that we — Eden — will stand at the top of Chocolat Fes.

However, my apologies for contradicting my earlier explanation, but see, if I were to simply aim for getting the highest sales, I'd only focus on developing a sales strategy.

We must garner the most attention with a combination of chocolate sales, profits, audience retention, and performance hype.

It is only when we dominate both numbers and our audience's emotions that Eden can count as being number one in Chocolat Fes. That is my victory condition.

Jun: So basically, it's for that purpose we're gonna go along with Ibara's plan and do our best, huh.

Ibara: Yes. I would very much appreciate your cooperation.

All for the sake of me — I mean, us, conquering this year's Valentine's Day… ♪⁠

Time: Eden's lunch together after the meeting

Location: Cafeteria

Jun: ...Ooh. Wouldja look at that, you've actually managed to put together a balanced meal today.

If you grabbed nothing but chicken and broccoli again, I'd be piling up my karaage on your plate.

Ibara: If I didn't put more on my plate, I would have to deal with your unnecessary intrusions. I prefer to fill it up myself.

Hiyori: Come now, everyone, hurry and sit down so we can start eating!

Thank you for the food... ♪

Nagisa: … Thank you for the food.

Ibara: … We can finally have lunch now that I’ve finished explaining. Alas, I did not set aside time for a Q&A session afterward.

If you have any other questions or opinions outside of what has already been said, let’s hear it now.

Hiyori: My opinions on it, hm? Let's see...

I do feel that it's frankly nonsense for things such as victory and defeat and money to be tangled up in an event focused on the wonders of love.

But as for our fans, whether they be fans of Adam, Eve or Eden, if we can make them happy then that will be our gift to them.

And I'd be happy if we can take advantage of the excitement and meet new fans, as well. After all, if we can do that, then we can convey our love to many people, no?

So personally, I think it's a good plan.

Ibara: I’m truly pleased to hear your feedback, Your Highness, given your reluctance to work separately as “Adam” and “Eve”.

Hiyori: With a proper explanation and the presence of love, even I would agree to it.

Nagisa: … Yes, I’m also in agreement. It’s inevitable that working in separate units will remind us of the situation in Conquest.

... I could tell that Ibara has no intention of making our fans worry unnecessarily.

…For that reason, I’ll go along with Ibara’s plan to make everyone happy while he guides our way to the top of Chocolat Fes.

Ibara: … It is an honour to hear that, Your Excellency.

[ ☆ ]

✦✦✦✦✦

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[landofzero-archive]

Rouge&Ruby - The Circumstances of the Second Month 4

(Location: CosPro office conference area)

Jun and Nagisa: ………?

Hiyori: None of that’s clicking, say it in more detail!

Ibara: I would like to set up a stage where Adam and Eve can perform during Eden’s turn, and then at the end Eden can all perform together.

I want to use our unique structure, in which two units combine to form Eden, as part of my strategy.

Nagisa: …… I see. Eden’s duration is split between Adam and Eve.

…… Is the current increase in exposure for Adam and Eve a stepping stone for that plan?

Jun: During Conquest we had worked separately a lot. It’s been a while since then hasn’t it~?

There’s also SS, so Eden’s impression should come first.

I think it’s a good idea to appeal to the public with how we’re structured.

Hiyori: If they don’t understand how we’re structured, then they’ll be asking “why are they coming out two by two?”

Ibara: Currently, I’m focusing on working as Adam and Eve, but as Chocolat Fes approaches I plan to switch my focus to  increasing Eden’s exposure.

In other words, we will put in the work to properly show that the two form Eden.

As His Highness said, if we don’t convey our structure then the stage performance will be meaningless.

Jun: Hm~…… So is this the preparation phase to make use of our unique strengths for Chocolat Fes?

Hiyori: It can be interpreted that way. That was a fine summary Jun-kun!

Jun: Ibara prepared a lot of materials and I was listening pretty seriously, so I understand that much.

Hiyori: Now that Jun-kun and I have cleared up our doubts…… The next thing is to answer what Nagisa-kun asked about.

Nagisa: …… Yes. In order to fully understand ES’s Chocolat Fes I’d like you to explain its structure.

…… Um, I’d like to know what makes Ibara so sure that Chocolat Fes will result in victory.

Ibara: Aye aye!♪  Then, please see the materials I handed out—

(A while later)

Jun: Each unit will sell chocolate and goods, and the sales will be reflected in L$?

Ibara: Correct. The sales at Chocolat Fes will be quantified, so in other words whichever unit sells the most units will be considered the victor.

Hiyori: Eh~ in the end it’s all about money? There’s no dream behind it– I hate that.

Ibara: Even if you hate it, that’s just how ES’s Chocolat Fes will operate.

Rather, it’s a fairly helpful design. For the chocolates and goods, ES will aid units with setting up the basics.

Nagisa: …… It’s written in the document. It says for each unit you can prepare items with different packaging and designs.

Jun: That sounds pretty generous~ Even if the contents are the same, if the packing is different then it’ll seem like they got items from that unit.

Hiyori: The fact that all the contents are the same means that all units are equal, but……

I don’t think Ibara would be satisfied with having the same items as others, even if he’s already set us apart with a special stage production.

From what I’ve heard so far, it sounds like Ibara is planning on outperforming everyone, aren’t you?

Ibara: …… Although there is some dissatisfaction, let’s keep it up for evaluation for now. Please read the notes at the bottom of the page carefully.

Nagisa: …… “On the condition that they bear the cost themselves, units may plan and produce products independently.”

Ibara: Fufun. That’s a sentence I added after some negotiations with ES’s side……☆

Jun: Uwah, so sneaky~. There’s only so many units that can do something like that.

Ibara: It’s precisely because we can proudly do such a thing that I added it!

Nagisa: …… Ibara, you also own a confectionary company. With that we can have chocolate be made exclusively for Eden.

…… I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of chocolate it will be……♪

Hiyori: Fufu, Nagisa-kun loves chocolate, right?

I’m also starting to look forward to it now that I know the chocolate will be just for us……♪

Ibara: —What is victory? It simply means that we as Eden will stand at the top of Chocolat Fes.

However, I apologize for overturning what I said earlier. If we want sales, then we’ll need to develop a sales strategy.

Increase sales and generate profits through chocolate. We are the ones who will be attracting the most attention from customers and generating the most excitement on stage.

Both in terms of numbers and people’s feelings, this Chocolat Fes I can only foresee that Eden will come out on top, securing victory.

Jun: The point is, if we want that victory, then we’ll have to follow Ibara’s plan.

Ibara: Yes, please do your best.

I’m– no, we will surely seize victory for this year’s Valentine’s Day.

(Location: Staff dining hall)

Jun: …… Oh. You’ve done a good job of balancing your food today.

If you only had chicken breast and broccoli on your plate then I would have put my fried chicken on your plate.

Ibara: If I don’t fill my plate up enough then you all will get unnecessarily concerned about it. So I filled it myself.

Hiyori: Now everyone, let’s sit down quickly and say thanks.

Thank you for the meal……♪

Nagisa: …… Thank you for the meal.

Ibara: …… Now that I’ve finished explaining everything, we can have lunch. I didn’t have time to set up a Q&A.

If you all have any other impressions or opinions, please let me know.

Hiyori: When you say impressions…… What are you looking for?

To be honest, I think it’s horrid that winning or losing through money is involved in an event that’s supposed to be about something as wonderful as love.

Adam’s fans, Eve’s fans, and Eden’s fans. As long as it’s a gift from us, everyone will be happy.

While taking advantage of that excitement, I wonder if I’d be able to meet with a few fans. If so, then I wonder if I’ll be able to give my love out to swathes of people.

Personally, I think it’s good.

Ibara: Your Highness seems reluctant to be splitting work as Adam and Eve, so I appreciate you saying that.

Hiyori: If there’s a proper reason behind it and love is present, then I’m convinced.

Nagisa: …… Yes, I also agree. Although I think working as the two units will inevitably remind me of Conquest.

…… I’ve been reassured by Ibara that he doesn’t intend to make the fans worry unnecessarily.

…… I will follow Ibara’s will to make everyone happy and lead us to the top of Chocolat Fes.

Ibara: …… I’m honored, Your Excellency.

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[therecordchanger62279]

GOODBYE FACEBOOK

After 15 years on Facebook, I deleted my account yesterday. I joined originally because I was feeling isolated, and wanted to make contact with people who’d drifted out of my life, and maybe find a few new friends in the process. Although I didn’t know it at the time, that’s not the way social media works.

I didn’t make a single new friend in my 15 years on Facebook. I lost track of how many old friends I lost because of it, but the number exceeded seven. Many of those fell victim to misunderstandings that probably never would’ve happened if we’d been face-to-face with one another. (I was even forced to unfriend my twin brother because he took some of my comments on his posts the wrong way. It’s very difficult to convey humor when the person can’t look you in the eye. It doesn’t matter how many laugh emojis you attach. When I discovered he adjusted his settings so I wouldn’t see his posts, I thought I’d better unfriend him before it got out of hand. The damage has since been repaired the old-fashioned way – we talked on the phone, and through an e-mail exchange.) The others happened because this social media app allowed people to needlessly, and without provocation abuse me to satisfy some malicious drive in them to humiliate or belittle me for reasons I simply cannot fathom. It’s called trolling, but you don’t really expect trolls to be people you thought of as friends. Rather than try to repair the damage, I simply walked away. I have no time left in my life for people who clearly do not want me in theirs.

I also made the unpleasant discovery that most people are liars or phonies. They’ll pose as friends, but, in reality, you, and the things you do with your life are of no real interest to them at all. You are nothing more than part of an audience when they take center stage to tell of their lives. I often compare it to being in a large gathering of people who are all talking, and nobody is actually listening. I can’t tell you how often I was solicited to give feedback or support on some of their artistic pursuits, but after spending three years working on this blog I’m proud of, and being urged by those same people to permit them access to it because they all said they wanted to see it, I showed them my work, and nearly all of them completely ignored it. They didn’t reject it because they didn’t like what I’d done. They just never bothered to look at it. And yet, they still continued to lobby me for support and encouragement when they made new music, or wrote a new book or a play, or took up a cause.

I was that guy at a party, standing in the room in plain sight that nobody noticed; to whom nobody spoke. I figured nobody would notice or care when I left. So, I simply walked out the door, and I’m not coming back.

I haven’t even mentioned what a trainwreck the site is when it comes to how it’s managed. Understanding their community guidelines regarding posts is like walking through a Bosnian minefield. No matter how careful you are, you’re eventually going to step on one, and you get to spend some time in Facebook jail until you learn your lesson. The news feed is clogged with ads, and an endless stream of suggested pages based on all the data they’ve collected on you that makes them think they know who you are, and can therefore market their products to you, and help separate you from your money. For example, I don’t watch or follow much sports anymore except some NFL during the season. But there were always endless suggestions in my feed that I follow pages about hockey, basketball, baseball, and many more. No matter how many I blocked, they just kept coming. I’m retired, and have been married for almost 44 years. But there were plenty of ads for online senior dating websites. I guess there was money to be made if Facebook could break up my marriage. And don’t you find it creepy when you look up some product online, and suddenly there’s that same product in an ad on your Facebook news feed? Big Brother is watching you 24/7. Don’t kid yourself otherwise.

So, why did it take 15 years to decide to leave? Well, I had come to rely upon it for some news, and weather, and announcements of new products I might be interested in (music, books, etc.). It was like that relic from the past – a daily newspaper. I also told myself I ought to maintain my page so that I would have some connection to friends and family since none of them live near me, and most I haven’t seen in more than a decade. But the light finally went on, and I realized these people were ghosts. I’d surrounded myself with my past. I discovered that once you’re not a part of someone’s day-to-day life (and that includes relatives as well as friends), you never will be again. You simply don’t matter any longer. Everybody has moved on, and nobody saved you a place at the table.

Okay. I accept that. But what I found impossible to tolerate was the hypocrisy. When I hit the delete button yesterday, I felt as if a weight had been lifted. There are suddenly so many things I no longer need be concerned with, and people I can consign, once and for all, to the place they all occupy – the past. I wished them well, and some commented I should stay in touch, but I won’t bother because I know they won’t bother.

Cyberspace is the real distance between people in the 21st century. Calling the internet the “worldwide web” is the perfect name for it. Because like a fly, you can get trapped in the web, and find yourself prey to all sorts of predators, with, seemingly, no way out – until you open that door, and the web breaks, and you’re suddenly free to crawl away before you’re trapped again.

If I could go back and live in the last century, I would. But I can’t. So, I’ll just have to find a way to cope in this one. Social media wasn’t helping. I can’t tell you how grateful I am there was a delete button.

© 2024