#also I think the website is gonna update tomorrow

[peteytheparrot]

Why is no one talking about the fact that Bill is probably back as a bird? The last two pages in the book of bill show the statues eye not glowing, and the last page the eye is glowing with that looks like a bird on his hand. I would show pictures but I don’t have the book on me atm! Anyways bird bill…. I must draw him….

[the-amber-raven]

Snippet Sunday

It's been a while since I shared a snippet and I did also get tagged by @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove.

It's going to be more texting fic because... well look I thought it would be a quick one and therefore fine if I used it as a break from the longer WIPs but apparently it being a texting fic does not make it immune to the "everything polish_amber writes ends up way longer than expected curse" sooo we're still on Season 3 almost 7k words in.......

--

[Draft saved 19:48 – message not sent] Hey Bobby any chance I could crash at yours for a couple of days maybe?

[Sent 8:14] Hey Cap I can’t remember if we updated my file but letting you know that I’m not living at Abby’s anymore. 

[Sent 8:21] That was fast, last time we spoke I thought you were still trying to decide.

Did you find a new place?

[Sent 8:30] Gonna crash at Chimney’s for a few days. 

[Sent 8:32] Alright. Hen and Chim both have plenty of experience managing the rental market in LA so don’t stay quiet if you need a hand finding a new place. 

[Sent 8:35] Half tempted to move back to my sharehouse tbh.

[Sent 8:38] I don’t know what tbh means but for the love of god please don’t.

At the very least there must be a website or something where you can find a place to share with one housemate.

[Sent 8:40] To be honest

[Sent 8:57] ??

I think you hit send too early.

What are you being honest about?

[Sent 9:01] 🤦‍♂️ That’s what tbh means…

–

[Sent 20:14] So FYI I’m staying with Maddie now at her new place. 

[Sent 20:41] We can update your file during tomorrow’s shift. It’s probably a good opportunity for you to see if there are any other updates you want to make.

[Sent 20:52] Like what??

[Draft saved 20:55 – message not sent] I assumed you would want your sister as your emergency contact now that she’s decided to stay in LA. Not that I mind doing it but I’ve been expecting you to change it for a while now. 

[Sent 21:19] Go through the whole form and just make sure it’s all up to date since we’re updating it anyway.

[omnic]

oh yeah forgot to give a little Health Update

regarding the specialist that my GP suggested i go see, on their website they say they try to see everyone in my kinda circumstance within 1-2 weeks. it felt promising!!! when i reached out like, two weeks ago, to secure to appointment. they told me the earliest they could see me was early-mid december because they were at capacity. tbh i felt VERY deflated. also their prices made me feel a bit Scared, because they're a private practice and have little to no medicare support, which means if you don't have private health insurance everything sucks. i even contemplated getting private health insurance just so i could potentially minimise the cost, but every single private health insurance i looked into had the same criteria:

pre-existing medical conditions require a 12 month wait before anything pertaining to them can be covered. even if you haven't gotten the actual Diagnosis, if you've had symptoms for up to 6 months prior, it counts.

i'll be honest y'all i don't think i have 12 months to spare LMAO

i accepted the dec. appointment mostly so i could have it in my back pocket but i've been looking at other specialist centres and it's been. very stressful and disheartening. in the end i've found somewhere that accepts medicare and has appointments prior to october, though it's a bit of a distance from where i am now. but it's the most promising one, time and money wise, that i've come across.

i'm gonna have to see my GP tomorrow though because i've been in on-and-off agony for the past four days. my left ovary feels like it's intent on murdering me. i did my shift at work today despite the pain and toughed through it because i Need that money. rip sorry customers as i literally hobbled my ass around the cafe delivering drinks and food

[eponymous-rose]

Something I wanted to do in the New Year is be more aware of how I'm spending my time at work, so I think I'm gonna try to do little summaries here of what each day entails. Hopefully also kind of interesting/useful if anyone's interested in academia?

For reference: we're on the quarter system, classes started on the 3rd, and I currently teach one class per quarter (heavy research-focused department, so very light teaching load). I also currently supervise 1 PhD student, 2 Master's students and 2 undergraduate research interns.

Monday!

Checked email on the bus to work, which mainly consisted of me seeing a colleague had received an endowed professorship, me writing her an effusive congratulatory message, and then me editing back the message a bit so it was less embarrassingly over the top. Also sent my students a reminder about their homework due on Wednesday and our little field trip tomorrow morning and accidentally sent it to last quarter's class, whoops. Luckily a former student quickly notified me of my mistake and I got it fixed!

Class was great - lots of flipped-classroom stuff that worked well even with only two students in the room (it's a conference week, everyone's traveling). I knew from previous years that the students had really, really struggled with this one equation, so I had them do a couple of examples in class and after working through the first one together, they both nailed it on the second try. Had to cancel a meeting with one of my undergrad research interns after class because the other members of our research team are out of town this week. Where is everyone? Well, at a conference and doing a two-month-long field campaign on the east coast. Forgivable. She offered to send me some of the work she's done thus far, so that's handy!

Went to check email after class and found that apparently a new remote meeting had popped on my schedule for immediately after class with an old peer mentoring group of mine (fellow 4th-year assistant profs in tangentially-related fields - we all did a professional development course last year together). Luckily it was cameras off so I could snack and decompress a bit while we caught up and made some strategic plans for the quarter.

Okay, FINALLY time to check email in earnest before my next meeting. 36 new messages since I checked last. New software package I need to bookmark and keep in mind for later work. Updates from the conference I'm technically attending virtually this week. Reference letter request from an undergrad student; add to calendar! Title and abstract to get added to the website for a seminar I'm hosting in a couple weeks. Reminder that the Zoom recording of my class is available to put online (which I promptly did). Triple-check with our tech guy that we're good to go up on the roof tomorrow to set up instrumentation for my class's term projects (all good!). Time flies, so here's the email with research progress from my undergraduate research intern and a handful of questions, we'll answer those and see how she likes jumping into a new dataset. New grant opportunities, job listings, a bunch of easy stuff to mark off. An essay about allocating time each week into the categories of Teaching, Research, and Service and strictly adhering to the percentages laid out by your tenure/promotion committee. Got a few minutes before my next meeting so I'll try it this week? Ish? Maybe? Looked sidelong at the new schedule, sure, we'll try that this week. Sent an email to my collaborator who's on a field project to see if we can do a remote meeting tomorrow to chat about a couple research proposals. Queued an email for next week's seminar speaker to see if he can send me the title and abstract for his talk/PhD entrance exam next week - no sense freaking him out before Wednesday, so we'll do a scheduled send.

Next up, meeting remotely with my former postdoc advisor! We've set up these meetings to "work on research projects" together but honestly this week it was just listening to him tell a very entertaining story about his car breaking down in rural Missouri and also listening to him describe a truly tragic tale of his very fancy sandwich getting thrown out of the office fridge by accident. That's scientific collaboration, baybee. We did talk research for a bit and he mentioned wanting to collaborate on a paper (he offered to pay for it out of the much more substantial research funds that come with his 30 extra years in the field) so I'm gonna come up with something for that by our next meeting in two weeks. I like working with him - we've published a couple papers in some pretty high-impact journals and he's always let me take the lead and go for first authorship without butting in, only providing support - so this is a fun prospect! I do have to submit an abstract this week for a European conference that'll be happening this spring, so maybe I can go ahead and lean into that idea a little.

It's now getting a little dark and rainy and I'm flagging a bit but I still have an hour before the afternoon seminar, so probably time to do a little course prep. Did some "grading" (just checking completion certificates for an introductory module the students had to go through). Fixed a mistake in Wednesday's lecture (why is there an anemometer when I'm talking about thermometers???). Reviewed some of the more complicated topics in Wednesday's lecture to make sure I'm not totally lost (some thermodynamics I haven't looked at in a while, thermocouples, semiconductors). Replacement slides uploaded to our course management system.

Aha! Email back from collaborator, she's going to be on a research flight tomorrow and won't be able to meet. All good, I don't have much to report anyway. That frees up an hour tomorrow, woohoo.

Okay, students have a homework assignment due a week from Wednesday, so I'm gonna post it this Wednesday. I have a good homework assignment prepared, I just needed to go in and write up a nice answer key. Got that done (along with some sample Python code to provide them with) and the homework assignment is scheduled to be posted, so it's time to look at next week's lectures. I've inherited this class from someone whose course notes can be a little scattered, so this is usually a bit of a process. Only two lectures to prep for next week, though!

Took a break from lecture prep to go to today's seminar, which purported to be about a really dodgy geoengineering scheme (redundant descriptor, am I right?) but in fact just rigorously tested said scheme and demonstrated it would actually have the opposite effect. Super fun and interesting seminar!

Okay, back to working on lectures for next week. Somehow got both of next week's lectures done before the end of the day, so those should just need a little polish and they'll be ready to go! Uploaded them to the course management system but sneakily and they won't appear to students until I've checked them over.

Tomorrow: going to the roof with my students to set up their term projects, then tons of sweet, sweet, meeting-free office time carved out. Hope this doesn't come back to bite me with a million meetings on Wednesday (...it will).

Important: work is done by 5PM. I try very hard to adhere to "leave work at work", which is not as much of a pipe dream as it seems, even for R1 tenure-track.

[no1ryomafan]

okay but real talk: idk why but despite tumblrs atmosphere being less- of whatever twitter is I got really burnt out from too much exposure of it despite the fact I don’t even use the app and I also use Twitter far less now. I think weirdly having unlimited word count drained me?? Even though it’s actually nice to not make a thread just because I blabbered so much and ran out of words. I forward people to add me on discord and still do if they use it but with that comes im terrible at starting conversations, especially if I don’t instantly click with the person even if I end up liking them. (Cause social awkwardness)

But life update aside my final is tomorrow sooo expect me more here! I’ve been cooking up a fic so I’m gonna use this dumb website to ramble about it when it drops because my god even if I sent paragraphs in authors notes before I’m gonna need tumblr.

[angeltreasure]

Cecilia coming in with some news! I'm going this weekend to visit some Dominican sisters up north in less than 2 days for a weekend retreat! It's gonna be great I hope, just gotta get through the day at work tomorrow, then I go to Eucharistic Adoration and Mass, then do it again Saturday before I drive up. Pray for me dear! I hope that these sisters and I mesh well, since I love how much outreach they do between education and other evangelization. Also glad I found a 24 hour Eucharistic Chapel I can go to on my off time from work. Went today and it was just me by myself in there with the Lord it felt so personal and sweet. Did a rosary in there and prayed for intentions and about my situation and others at my work/friends. God Bless and I hope your Eastertide is going well.

Hi Cecilia!,

Thanks for the update. Sounds like things are going good! I hope your visit goes well and that you stay safe in all of your travels! You visiting these Orders is what I plan to do soon too. I’ve found a list from my diocese of all the Orders they have for sisters. I’ve been going through one by one with a marker as I explore their websites. The ones I keep in my notebook are the ones I plan to submit questions to and hopefully visit if things work out. I want to find a 24 hr Eucharistic Adoration chapel too, because my work hours make it hard to get to my own church’s limited hours. I’ll be thinking and praying for you! Stay safe in all of your travels and may God bless you. - Angel

[dalimarisdaddy1967]

Update On Dalimar Legacy

So I am following the Big Fish Games Facebook page & they posted about Dalimar Legacy about a week ago & I just found out! I'm outta the loop y'all! Anyway... Dalimar Legacy may be happening soon as in super soon! I have heard a few different people say March 16th. I can't find concrete evidence of this but holy shit! If it is then OMG! I predicted March at the earliest! Wtf?! I Keep accidentally predicting things without even meaning to! First the robot and now the release date! Does anybody have proof it's the 16th? I need to know! If not I'll just have to wait & see but Big Fish has posted some teaser stuff on their website too. Firstly...

COMING SOON! Ahhhhhh!

Also, they have posted some teaser images telling the story of Charles so let me show those...

Just take a peek at these! Also, there will be more teaser images on the way because of this little thing

For those who have played the earlier games like I have already know the answer but... they are posting these every couple days. I heard this is leading up to the release on the 16th... if that's true then Ahhhhh! Come on 16th!

This next one is coming tomorrow so I'll post it when it unlocks. But if these teasers are leading up to the release and the release is the 16th then oh my yessssss! I need more Charles content! Let's go!

Also I feel oddly psychic cuz I predicted release in March and it could be true! Wow! This Made me happy hehe.

Tell me what you guys think & if you have concrete proof of the release date please please please tell me! Eeee! I'm Gonna go be a fangirl elsewhere now lol!

[cru5h-cascades]

Okay, music update time.

So I should be getting my guitar by tomorrow (should be arriving by 10 PM but with some of my packages tending to come in super early like my inkling plush and obviously Hot Fuss it could be earlier who knows). I was planning on releasing one last track before going on hiatus but idk. It's nearly finished but I don't think it's my best work (this track is supposed to be another Sirenide track btw).

Anyways, I'm already looking at tutorials online to figure out how I'm gonna learn. I found some that can supposedly teach me how to play in 10 to 21 days. As to how effective these vids are going to be is unknown, but hey if I figured out how to use photoshop and sort of figured out animation (ain't no way I can animate shit on my home chromebook so I haven't attempted anything on it yet), maybe I can figure this out. Also, I need to figure out how to tune guitars. Thankfully, guitar tuning websites and apps exist so they can do the heavy work for me 'cause it's been FOREVER since I've been in a music class and I've never tuned a guitar before (My music teacher before going to high school was A CHAD. Bro is what got me to start making music to begin with! He let us dabble in playing guitars for a little bit but just towards the end of a unit we were doing. After that we started our electronic music unit and the rest is history...).

I dunno how long I'll be on a break from music for (depends on how long it takes me to become confident enough to make some stuff using my newly aquirred guitar skills). When I do come back to music, I'm probably gonna post something showing off my guitar skills. I may not have a mic to record this stuff on, but I got a plan. Finally, soundtrap actually has an upside! Basically, I can plug in my guitar into my computer (obviously my school one) and use that as an amp to record my stuff on. Of course, I'm going to have to test this out first to see how effective this all is (might post some test audio for that), but at least I sort of have a plan for all this guitar buisness. Will I start out with covers or try making my own stuff? I dunno. But at least expect some stuff featuring actual instruments. Might go back to my OG soundtrap junk now and then why not. One of my friends and I are working on something behind the scenes and if all goes well I'll properly reveal this huge project of whatever (I guess this is your first clue to what that project might be).

And what about my other stuff? Calamity Circus, my art, and the planned Murder Trilogy essay (yep that's right I'm still gonna do that! I might start writing it after finishing Calamity Circus or towards the end of summer. I think it depends on weither or not S3's judgement day aka final fest is happening this summer or not 'cause I have a story planned for that event.)? Well, don't worry I still plan on working on all of that, especially Calamity Cicus since I've been working on that ever since I finalized Your Side of Order's basic story beats and I really wanna get this story out there. Art's still coming out, maybe at it's usual rate.

So yeah that's what to expect for the next I don't know how long. I'm still working on getting a job since I still haven't gotten word back about my application that I sent out a while back, so things should be pretty normal until I do ultimately get a job (hopefully I'll be able to get enough cash to get a functional computer with a touchscreen). In the meanwhile I'm just gonna take it easy, recover from the hell known as the previous school year, make my art, and try to beat the summer heat. This has been your local paranormal pest, cru5h. Stay fresh, y'all :D

[mylawcitrus]

Rationalizing stuff is important

So, basically, I came the other day well and thick, hard! Spread over! But not flying around. So there's that: the lingering thought that the old days will not be coming back, maybe ever. Cum flying from my dick to my neck like a ping pong ball? Not anymore, the sack is empty after the vultures left. But seriously, I had a satisfying orgasm, and functional, visible, provenly efficient.

How did that happen? Well, I was intercallating porn with searching for people. The porn helped me stay hard for a more or less long time (again, it hasn't been the same) and searching for people was more like "ok, this person added me back, but apparently they don't have the time -- SHIT, I HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT" -- and then you look at the porn to get into a horny mindset and say something more interesting.

But like, I think at some point I tried looking at cam websites. And while I do this often, I'm also pretty much the only regular person on the internet talking about this shit, because the porn industry has nothing but shock value, and a general lack of interest for words that are not borderline offensive or otherwise offensive, meaning, taken outside of the porn context (and that is 100% debatable, by the way... I'm just saying beecause in my life I've said some dirty stuff and I don't know why I've been chosen to repeat myself over and over, that who influenced that was totally the porn industry, and not my mom and dad or my neighborhood or my country or the freaking weather or whatever. It was the industry's standards, and a very important point to raise is that A LOT of these things were amplified on Tumblr).

The point, however, is clinical: I wantedd to have an orgasm, and after trying rapid fire masturbation with baby oil watching a girl get fucked by a machine, I was like "maybe I'm not the problem?"

So I switched, for a day, the thing I was doing which is very relatably accepted, which is adult webcams streaming live, and decided to just search for people, real people, not people selling! And day in and day out, my conclusions were: "whether these people don't exist or this is an authoritarian force punishing me for my webcam experiences and imposing on me that I focus on things like work -- and then I have to update myself on all of the work demand, and suddenly learn about every fucking industry.

I'm an excellent professional.

But outside of my working hours, which I don't know if anyone cares to stress, but are standardly an average of 8 per day, with lots of exceptions where you work less, outside of my working hours, I wanna cum.

Not everyday!

But eventually. Big time. Splish, splash, taking a bath.

And I feel like I'm out here defending the right to masturbate. Like, am I in Pakistan? Am I in an Indian temple? Am I in front of Xijing Ping? Am I responsible for monitoring a military base? An airline control site? No I'm not... I teach people how to express themselves in foreign language.

So WHY, FOR THE LOVE OF THE HOLIEST GOD, DO I SUFFER SO MUCH, EVERY SINGLE DAY?

This is a nightmare!

I'm sure I'll be like "yeah, maybe I was feeling like that at that certain moment, but I didn't have to share" -- but I do have to share! This mechanism of media surveillance that has gained so much influence that teens are uninterested in having sex has gone too far! Who, in their right mind, over 30, let's say, would look back, in the year of 2024 and say "when I was a teen, I never thought about sex?" Biggest lie EVER TOLD!

And I'm not talking about that... I'm actually thinking that tomorrow I'm gonna see a nurse, swallow a pill, and that will be IT, no conversation at all.

This is insane, and the only thing stopping me from saying it's a crime against humanity is the fact that the internet and organizations have associated "crimes against humanity" to much more serious stuff. But what is humanity? Isn't sexuality a fundamental part of your humanity? Isn't prohibiting sex actually paralleled to violations of women's rights in countries that are literally accused of crimes against humanity?

These are some "spilled thoughts", Cumblr.

[blueempty]

Theres a weird little light line in the second pic that was only in the sky for like 2 seconds earlier but it was super cool

I did a big floor and carpet cleaning today like a big responsible guy. Afterwards I got on Barony which i've kinda slowed down on recently, but they rolled out a private beta for the January update so i started a new Conjurer run. Theyre adding a bunch of new hats and face accessories which sounds kinda trivial but if youre familiar with the games balance this is something it needed. I guess less than balance its just been needing more Stuff in it. Right now if you play a magic class its pretty much always gonna end up looking the same by the end, and the same pretty much goes for any other type of class. There's ways to guarantee good equipment for most classes in the game. But the hats and accessories do weird stuff like increase trap resistance, or make you friendly with incubi and succubi. Its really cool so far. They also snuck in new tree models in the swamp so I'm excited to see if theres other surprise changes further in. The other thing theyre adding that isnt in the beta is daily seeded dungeons that are the same for everyone so you basically do like a score challenge for the leaderboards. I'm excited to get back into that game soon. Although idk how the fuck I'm gonna balance that and two monster hunter games and drawing and hiragana

I did start drawing more again today. Its weird because I am feeling motivated to do it but at the same time I'm kinda doing it because I really really need to commodify my hobbies because money is super fucked right now and I can feel the depresso wave coming up again. I'm harnessing the power of the Dragon and I'm gonna do a Dragon Dance and I'm gonna immediately regret offering commissions on this website. I dont even know what I'd offer. I think tomorrow me will worry about that

I'm aaaalmost done with Fairune 2, I know I say that every day but I'm literally in the last area. I got neurodivergent about the maps because they get a little crown next to them if you fill them out all the way and theres an achievment so I'm on the path to 100%ing this run. Then I'll probably have to do it again but faster which is scary cuz that game is fuckin huge for what it is. And its confusing fairly often. But related to that, I'll share one of the things I started working on today since I got no night pics

Dramos run

Peace and Long Life

[iamyelling]

going to an apartment tour tomorrow morning with my friend. it's a different style of building but we like the floorplan/layout and it is nice and relatively cheap (considering the COL for the area), but it's farther in the opposite direction of jobs by a little bit, which is less ideal but not a big deal. would be fun if we both moved there and lived in the same building!

after that, i have my nails appointment. feels a little early tbh but it is nice that it's before my birthday this weekend so i get fresh bday nails. although i'm not sure what i'm gonna get. maybe a snakey that connects across each hand? idk. taking suggestions and ideas! level 1 or 2 art (no super fancy intricate level 3 stuff).

also thinking about how i might .. probably... need to stop getting my nails done. not that it's that expensive, but that i have no facken maney! and everything ELSE is so expensive. sad about it

i need to add some stuff to my portfolio and update the url which i need my dads help to do. i was working on it last week but i got overhwelmed and stuck and gave up. the two things that are getting me stuck rn are i need to show some landing page / website designs and it looks ugly/bad/lazy to just past the design straight into the portfolio page. would be better to do it in a like device mockup, ideally as like a gif so it scrolls. and then has a button to preview it fullscreen/live. but last week when i was lookin for device mockups i couldnt find one i liked. so i gotta try again.

the other thing i'm stuck on is how to present an ebook/long pdf intended for digital. should i pretend it was intended for print? it wasnt.. and the designs are not like left-right page designs, they're single spreads. which retrospectively is stupid looking but i was not in the business of questioning stupid shit at that job. i'm proud of the design nevertheless, but it's unfortunately a like 20 page letter-size document. cool and impressive somewhat but idk how to present it.

once i get that updated i will feel ready to post on linkedin and reach out to old coworkers and stuff . but until then i am too ashamed of my shit-ass portfolio website.

[kelyon]

BEGGING ON HIS BENDED KNEES UPDATE?!?! NEW ONE SHOTS THAT WILL INEVITABLY GIVE US ALL BRAINROT AND WE WILL INEVITABLY ASK FOR MORE?!?!?! ON THE HOUSE!!! I’m writing something similar to on the house but like not similar? But omg I’m so excited. Is there a summer wip you’re more excited to write or is coming quicker? Also I have to know how you’re plotting these long form fics. It’s so impressive. Golden rings and golden cuffs, and now more in that universe!!! Omg. I’m obsessed with all of this.

💖 Katie (universesinhermind/livvysunshine)

Hi hello there! Yes, I was very interested in your Moulin Rouge-esque Rumbelle fic. Love it when ideas cross-pollinate like that. Can't wait to see what you do with your premise!

I'm not gonna lie, a lot of my desire to work on these WIPs is less out of excitement than out of duty. Especially Live Wire and Hot Cocoa--those fics are begging to be finished. Quite a few of the fics on that list are just ideas that haven't gone away, and I need to make them go away so I have space in my brain again.

Now, that's just how I feel today. Things might be different tomorrow. That's why I try not to write based on excitement.

The secret for how I plot my longer fics is three words: The Snowflake Method. Put short, you start by thinking of your story as just One Thing. Like, sum up the whole thing in one sentence--simple, basic ("The most powerful wizard in the world falls in love with the girl he enslaved."). Then, slowly, you make it more complicated. Go from one sentence to a paragraph, four sentences. I'm just gonna quote from the website here:

If you believe in the Three-Act structure, then the first disaster corresponds to the end of Act 1. The second disaster is the mid-point of Act 2. The third disaster is the end of Act 2, and forces Act 3 which wraps things up.

Then you make each of those sentences into their own paragraph, and that's a one-page story summary. My plotting is about finding the events of the story (the things that happen and how characters respond to them) and then putting them in an order that makes sense. That sequence of events is the outline, the skeleton of the story. From there comes the meat of the character's and their emotional journey, and then the skin of making it sound nice.

That's how it works for me, anyway. And I cannot overstate the value I've found in knowing where I'm going before I start a fic journey. That's how I know when a fic needs to end--because I'm at the ending. Otherwise I'd just keep going forever on one story and never start anything new.

[amberviernes]

Authenticity Showdown: Website Mockups (v.1), Complete!

Hello everyone! As we've finished the six main pages of the website, here comes the customary compilation post where I reflect on my progress.

Before we get started, here's the previous compilation post, which showcases the wireframes for the six main pages. Basically, the b/w version of these website mockups, without any assets!

To summarize the website mockup process, it basically constituted the following steps:

Integrate color into the wireframes, following the style guide.

Create a list of assets that will be needed for the final website.

Download/gather any assets that cannot be created.

Sketch concepts for the assets listed. (1, 2)

Digitalize the assets (I used CLIP STUDIO PAINT)

For graphs, create the basis in Google Sheets, download the SVG, and modify in Adobe XD (more details here)

I remember starting the mockup process, I had an existential crisis on the background color and whether or not it fit (because the hero image of the homepage threw it off). It's funny looking back on it, because I ended up using the original colors of the style guide; it grew on me! (And for the hero image, I fixed it by darkening it appropriately)

The assets were also a fun challenge too, even if I found them to be not as engaging as the wireframe creation process. I definitely learned a lot from them and it reminded me of the value of people who create clip-art and other graphics that are meant to signal an idea.

In regards to the mockups themselves, I don't think they're perfect. But that said, I'd like to use this post as an opportunity to write what my next steps for the immediate future are:

ASAP: Complete the 14 analysis subpages (assets featured here will be placeholder graphs).

Reflect on which assets do not communicate ideas clearly, and readjust accordingly.

Figure out what to do about the yellow header; determine whether or not the information conveyed in it is really necessary.

Proofread the website with the lens of, "Am I being precise with my information and phrasing?" Revise the website by removing anything unnecessary. (This is super important! Most of my feedback pertains to the vocabulary, not necessarily the design of the website)

Modify the mockups to reflect the change in vocabulary.

Create a PDF of the survey questions for the survey results page.

Once these steps are done, I believe that I can safely transition into the deployment stage which involves putting this website on Wordpress + Elementor Page Builder. The project schedule can be found here; currently, I'd say we're ahead of schedule (especially since the assets took... a lot shorter than expected?).

I won't be providing a concrete schedule of the above steps simply because, tomorrow is the meet-up with the other project students! I may end up needing to add some other steps or do some other revisions. So I'll provide more concrete dates sometime tomorrow, since I'll have more information to go off of!

And with that, that's all for this post! If you'd like to read the individual reflections for each website mockup listed here, or see each mockup in greater detail, do check out the links below! ✨

Homepage | Research Page | Survey Results Page | Conclusion Page | About Page | References Page

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 14 June ‘21

Louis Tomlinson Cooks is here!! Yeah it’s 100% for sure as delightful to watch Louis make himself a sandwich as you might have hoped, but how was his cooking? Well I’ll let Louis rate himself-- “I’m not gonna lie not that appetizing is it, I mean look at it,” he says when it comes time to taste his creation, plus, “chopping peeling slicing not great to be fair- everything else I’m all right” (he’s… not wrong, even aside from the peeler issues has this man ever held a knife??) but- “it probably tastes nice though as I said it’s not about presentation for me… [munches cutely]... it’s actually pretty banging, that’s actually quite nice!” Success! Maybe it’s cause he knows the secret to faking good cooking- “as you can see I don’t have a lot of cooking ability so the more butter the better,” I mean the experts can tell you, that’s advanced stuff right there! #Louis-aChild! Substituting mustard and ketchup for coleslaw is a bit of a bold move, but in a belated attempt to convince the kiddos to eat some healthy veg even though he won’t he does bravely try the cucumber strips despite being “not really a man for cucumber” and makes a pained attempt to be positive- “bit of crunch.” Oh and speaking of crunch I’m relieved to have learned that the waffle is NOT a waffle, it’s a crispy waffle shaped bit of potato; a much more reasonable fish sandwich addition than the American version of a potato waffle! Full Time Meals polled to see what people think of Louis cooking; the two choices are “it was amazing” and “the best,” THEY GET IT. My kind of Louis poll! Helen Seamons rated him a “10/10 for effort and entertainment”, Masterchef acknowledged Louis as one of their own, and Marcus Rashford keeps it simple- “my guy” with a lil heart. YEAH, SAME.

Harry showed up in Italy, where he was papped in Venice being driven around (with PA Luis) on a boat (as you do, in Venice). He’s in a cool embroidered Bode shirt and shades and fancy hair, looking good. He’s seen carrying his suitcase, taking photos, and resting his head on his arms looking like a model. One might think, since we just saw the My Policeman cast and crew on set celebrating the wrap of the shoot, that they were done filming and Harry was off to do something different, but nope, he’s there to film! The book has key scenes in Venice that folks had been wondering about the filming of, and David Dawson is also being boated around Venice for the paps, so, it seems that was just for the wrap of the *UK* filming, which makes sense I guess since it would mostly be different crew I imagine, and perhaps some of the main cast are done as well.

Liam’s NFT sale is happening tomorrow! If you’re confused and want more info, I’M NOT GONNA HELP THAT MUCH… uh but I mean you can check out Liam’s youtube video explaining though I would guess that won’t help much (even Liam thinks so; “there’s probably websites that explain a lot better than me” he admits). There is a roundup now posted of what’s on offer for the buyers of the NFTs but I’m gonna be really honest with you, I’m more confused now than I was before. It’s clear that there are only SIX LONELY BUG NFTs right? They for sure said that I believe. But the packages for each different piece (token bundles) seem to me like they’re available to multiple buyers? Like maybe you don’t get the NFT but multiple top bidders on each get the extras? Like they can’t be selling multiple copies of the NFT... can they?! Isn’t the WHOLE POINT that only one person gets to own it? I DON’T FUCKING KNOW I AM SORRY. What I think I understand to be true: the six NFT buyers get to go to “a once-in-a-lifetime immersive dining experience at Resorts World Las Vegas” (this is the dinner with Liam and “a selection of crypto leaders from around the world” which takes place on display inside a giant glass box) and also “a bespoke commemorative presentation box containing the world’s leading holographic display... with audio... and a custom made Lonely Bug commemorative coin,” and “a unique QR code directing the owner to a special ‘Director’s Cut’ edit of the short digital film ‘Making Of Lonely Bug Collection’ which features unreleased footage from the day of the drop showing the creators' reactions when the winning bids came in” (I mean YEAH I would think it’s unreleased it literally hasn’t happened?) But then there are really a lot of other extras including tickets with Meet & Greet access to any Liam Payne headline show around the world, admission to pool and cinema parties in Vegas with Liam, signed art, non-Liam extras (I will literally bid to NOT have 20 minute phone calls with those crypto entrepreneurs PLEASE… but that’s just me), and access to an online party hosted by Liam; I really get the impression many of these, especially the last one, are just crypto tokens that are for sale that aren’t linked to the main Lonely Bug NFTs and many more than 6 people can buy them but a lot of the extras I’m not clear on which it is. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll understand better WE WILL SEE.

Liam also dropped by the discord last night to say some hellos (after a “long long day”) and that he “bought a piece of NFT art of myself tonight I’m going to give it as a prize Monday night so someone can own a piece of art that was owned by me” (an even less tangible bragging point than simply owning an NFT wow that’s an achievement) and the most important update- “I want a French Bulldog”! Oh and he said “that’s like one I did myself” in his fanart channel to a pic of a tiny crocheted illustration of Louis and Harry holding up a rainbow flag. Didya Liam?? (...Liam is crocheting??) Anyway I recognize who it’s supposed to be because it’s based on a familiar piece of fanart, but Liam definitely might NOT realize it’s meant to be someone specific, and tbh I’m more <eyeballs> at him saying that at the rainbow flag crocheted thing than at it being shippy.

Our Song acoustic version is out this Friday!! And Niall talked about NH3 some in an interview today; “I’m in the studio most days, it feels really good. I’m kinda in the latter stages of it and then I’ll go get a band together and go in and record the whole thing. I’ve just kind of been writing for the past 9 or 10 months and really enjoying it” and “It sounds like a complete album. God knows when it’s coming out because I’d like to be able to get around the world to see all the fans as well” and “It’s different. It sounds a lot more grown up. I’m 27 so it’s about time. I really wanted to kinda cement a sound. The singles I’ve released previously have all been kinda different sounds. I would like to have my ballad sound & like a cemented uptempo sound.” He and Anne Marie also talked about one of the other songs they wrote together saying, “It’s kind of like a, how do you describe it- guitar driven meets Tom Petty meets Katy Perry meets…” but say “We haven’t really decided if we are putting it out yet, the conversations are kinda happening... but it’s completely different (from Our Song).”

[johannestevans]

Update 17/08/2022

Good evening!

Some updates - great news if you're living in Ireland or if you're soon to visit.

I'm gonna be doing a stand-up comedy show tomorrow night in Ireland's Smallest Comedy Club at the Dew Drop Inn here in Galway, with Johnny Graham, Bob Hennigan, Edwin Sammon, and Ian Burke. You can get tickets here.

Also as a regularly running event, I'm now running the Queer Pub Quiz at the Oslo in Salthill - every Tuesday evening from 7pm until 9pm, pub quiz! Teams of up to 5, free entry, 30 questions in two rounds of 15. I'm really excited about keeping it running as a regular event, especially for different queer communities in the city, so definitely come along if that's something you might be interested in!

Media Recs

Das Boot (1987, dir. Wolfgang Petersen) - The cult classic, Nazis on a submarine experiencing what feels like (and ultimately is) certain doom. This movie is two and a half hours long and I watched it purely because Leo said it was very good. And was it very good? Yes! I enjoyed it! With that said, I did fall asleep about an hour and something in, was left to nap for twenty minutes, and then we went back to watching it. I will say that to really enjoy this movie you might like to do what we did, which is watch it as a homoerotic submarine movie double-bill - first, we watched Down Periscope (1996, dir. David S. Ward), and then we watched this one.

Prey (2022, dir. Dan Trachtenberg) - A new movie, also bound to be a cult classic, I'm sure, because it's fucking sick. I haven't seen any of the other Predator movies, just FYI, but I loved this - I will echo what a lot of people have been saying, which that it feels a little unnatural that a lot of the characters are speaking English through a lot of the film, and there is a Comanche dub that's better if you're able to get hold of it!

Resurrection (2022, dir. Andrew Semans) - You know, I really wasn't sure what I'd think of this, and I didn't know what I thought of it as I was watching it, but it's extremely compelling throughout, and the last act really sold it for me. This is a movie about abuse, about the psychological effect of prolonged gaslighting and emotional abuse, even decades free of it, and ultimately it has a really Greek tragedian feel that's just as gory and just as viscerally horrifying as the House of Atreus.

I also absolutely have to recommend P-Valley, which I think has just finished up its second season and is fucking unbelievable television, it's unspeakably well-written and so much better than basically any other drama on TV right now, and I'm obviously loving the new season of What We Do In The Shadows still, last night's episode was absolutely my favourite so far.

New Works Published

Firstly, my Directory of Work has been updated with all the new works since March! Check it out on my website, on Patreon, or on Medium.

Study Session

1.6k, cis M/M. MB. A student fucks his professor against the gym wall. Prof/student, older bottom/younger top, age difference, size difference, wall sex, semi-public sex, biting, dirty talk, teasing, threatens of spanking, D/s implications.

On Medium / / On Patreon.

Getting Old

1k, cis M/M, MB. Two old men sleepy on a pirate ship. Sleepy sex, intercrural, teasing, a bit of banter, mostly just two old men being tired and achy together!

On Medium / / On Patreon.

Rocking

700w, cis M/trans M. Birthday sex. Slow, drawn-out sex, teasing, PIV, lots of decadence and indulgence here. Samuel Coates and Tom Warren, again!

On Medium / / On Patreon.

Push-Pull

800w, cis M/trans M/trans M. A man happily pinned between two others. Mild D/s, threesome, oral and PIV sex, implied overstim, teasing.

On Medium / / On Patreon.

The Interview

4k, cis M/trans M, MB. A workplace roleplay with age difference and some hearty degradation. Younger boss/older prospective employee, pre-negotiated roleplay, degradation and humiliation, daddy kink, nipple play, PIV, riding, sex in the office, casual sex, bareback. The older man is fat, but none of the degrading language is about his body or his size except for commenting on the size of his chest — the degradation primarily is about his age and assumed loneliness.

On Medium / / On Patreon.

Asking Nicely

Trans M/M, 2.1k, MB. A trans man taking his partner’s strap learns precisely how strong he is. Featuring a massive tentacle strap-on, vaginal sex, size difference, teasing, overstimulation, Daddy kink, begging, crying, STRENGTH kink, even a little bit of belly-riding.

On Medium / / On Patreon.

Milk Production

3.3k, cis M/trans M, MB. A country doctor finds his footman in an unexpected condition. Featuring older!trans/intersex doctor/younger!cis footman; the footman is lactating and the doctor is really into it. Featuring lactation, milking, some mild sadism and humiliation, lots of praise, PIV sex, eagerness, D/s dynamics, age difference. There’s reference and implication throughout to feeding and weight gain as the younger man is skinny, but no feeding within the course of the fic.With Doctor Nathaniel Mills and Tristan Sunderland.

On Medium / / On Patreon.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

A Place To Call Home: Halloween

Summary: A casual Halloween night out for some drinks between the reader, TJ and Cody becomes anything but when the reader thinks she may have been drugged at a bar. When she calls Jensen for help, their relationship takes a fundamental change...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 6,100ish

Warnings: language, drinking, drugging, angst, fluff

A/N: This part takes place after the Jensen’s Day timestamp. Enjoy!

______

“Trick or treat!” said Allie after your dad answered the front door in a batman t shirt. 

“Well aren’t you the cutest little Elsa,” he said. He dropped a few big handfuls of candy in her bag and then a few more. He tickled Colin and got a laugh from him. “Colin you are the most adorable baby Yoda ever cutie and I gotta say...you ain’t a half bad Mandalorian, kid. You almost look tough or something.”

“It’s cause I’m a badass,” said TJ as he stuck out his chest.

“It’s cause you’re a nerd,” said your dad. You walked inside, Colin giggling as your mom stole him away without a second glance. “Nice costume though.”

“Y/N picked it out off some website or something,” he said. He sneezed and your dad shut the door. “God my allergies are killing me lately. Ragweed is horrible this year.”

“I know. De and I have been popping allergy meds the past few days,” he said. “You get it the worst.”

“Yeah but I started taking it like a week ago to build it up. I think it’s helping. Also, a bounty hunter and an adoptive dad? Mmm, peak man crush right there, babe,” you said, your dad rolling his eyes as TJ kissed your cheek.

“And what exactly are you supposed to be? A curtain?” teased your dad as you spun around.

“I thought I’d go another route,” you said. You took off your robe and he went wide eyed. “Soldier...girl?”

“Oh my God. You’re Solider Boy. That is so fucking cool!” he said as he looked you over.

“Jay, fuck’s a bad word,” said Allie. 

“And we don’t repeat bad words, do we,” said TJ. “De’s got some more candy for you somewhere I bet.”

She took off up to the TV room and your dad walked around you.

“What do you think?” you asked. “Look real?”

“Okay that’s like good. Like real good. It’s just like mine from the show. Like even the shield looks the same.”

“It’s from the show. Kripke sent it to me. I know it’s a little big for my back but I couldn’t not use it,” you said. “I took a long shot and asked him on Twitter about it and he just like sent me the thing. He was really nice.”

“Good,” he said as he looked you over. “I am impressed. You guys might win your costume contest thing at whatever bar you’re going to.”

“I just want to go drink,” you said, TJ throwing an arm over your shoulders. “We’ll be back around eleven, midnight?” 

“Go have fun. Mom and I’ll watch the babies tonight. Pick ‘em up in the morning,” he said.

“We didn’t pack bags for them,” you said. He stared at you and shook his head.

“You live a quarter of a mile away. We shall survive without you for one evening,” he said, pushing you both out the door. “Go have fun with Cody. I’ll see your hungover butts tomorrow, okay?”

“Don’t have to tell us twice.”

“Cody,” you said at the bar a few hours later. He finished off his drink and shook out his head. “Can you check on TJ? He’s been in the bathroom awhile.”

“Yeah. Order me another gin and tonic?” he asked.

“Can do,” you said. You hopped off your seat and paused for a moment, getting your bearings before you walked over to the bar. “Gin and tonic and another...graveyard…”

“Graveyard smash?” asked the girl behind the bar.

“Yeah. Another one of those. Oh and a bottle of bud,” you said. You handed over your card to pay, tucking it back in your shorts pocket. You brought the drinks over to the table, finishing off your margarita and the last of TJ’s old beer before you started sipping on the Halloween mixer. 

It took about thirty seconds before you realized what you’d done.

“Fuck,” you said. You pursed your lips and took out your phone, biting your bottom lip before you dialed.

“You better be drunk calling me,” chuckled your dad. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“The guys are in the bathroom and I just drank from a glass that nobody was watching,” you said. You shut your eyes and felt a little off, not sure if it was because of the already decent amount of alcohol in you or something else. “What do I do?”

“Go to the bar and sit there and don’t move. The boys will be back soon,” he said. You tried to move but felt wobbly and sat back on your seat. “Y/N, don’t hang up on me.”

“Dad, I don’t think I can walk over there,” you said. “I’m drunk but...shit I fucked up.”

“Where are you?” he asked.

“Um, the uh...the place to the right of Jared’s.”

“Okay. Sit there. I’m gonna call…” he said as you stared down at the bathrooms. “Y/N. Answer me.”

“I think something’s wrong,” you said. “The boys are taking too long.”

“Cody is a police officer and TJ is tougher than he looks. They’re probably throwing up or something,” he said.

“TJ said he felt funny,” you said as you stared at his glass. “What if it was in his drink?”

“I don’t know but whatever you do, do not leave your spot,” he said.

“But it’s TJ.”

“Y/N I’m having a hard enough time not freaking out right now. Please do not move,” he said. 

“Hey! Soldier boy!” said a guy walking by in a homelander costume. “Nice suit.”

“Can you do me a favor?” you said, the guy smiling as he leaned against your table. “My husband and friend went to the bathroom a long time ago and didn’t come back. One’s the Mandalorian and the other one is a zombie. Can you check on them for me?”

“Yes I can very drunk girl,” he chuckled. “I’ll be back.”

“Y/N, stop putting the phone down,” said your dad in your ear.

“Homelander’s going to look for the boys.”

“Your boys or The Boys?” he asked.

“Should I have clarified?”

“Just...I’ll be there soon. Don’t-”

“Boys!” you said, Homelander wandering back over with a very pale looking TJ and a wet Cody.

“I think your friends were puking in the alley,” said Homelander.

“Thank you so much,” you said. “You’re so sweet.”

“Mind if I get a pic? Your costume is kinda perfect,” he said.

“Not at all,” you said. You hopped off your seat and felt better. “Ah, okay. Just drunk.”

“Hm?” said TJ as you hung up your call and the other guy gave him his phone. “Hey there’s a starlight over there too.”

“Starlight! Come get your pic taken with the Seven, girl!” you shouted.

“She’s drunk,” said the homelander guy with a laugh. 

“After three of those graveyard smash things? Oh for sure,” said TJ.

Half an hour later you were onto another drink and TJ was fanboying over star wars with another guy in a Mandalorian outfit. Cody was talking to the starlight chick who was maybe in a relationship with the homelander guy. They were at least mutually pining for one another if they weren’t already.

“Morris. Come on. I’m drunk and even I can tell Kayla Starlight over there is dying for you to ask her out,” you said. He shrugged and you cocked your head. “Oh come on.”

“She’s been my best friend since I was like four. Like, I can’t fuck up twenty something years of friendship if she’s...how fucked am I?” he asked as you smirked.

“So fucked,” you laughed. “Trust me. I was besties with my husband for years before we finally talked about it. Sometimes you just gotta-”

“Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your phone?” you heard your dad say. You spun around and gave him a smile.

“Is that the guy that played-”

“Walk away kid. Now,” growled your dad. 

“See ya around, Y/N,” he said, Kayla disappearing with a wave with him. TJ spun around and your dad shot him a dirty look.

“What’d I do?” asked TJ.

“You three are glued to your phones yet tonight for some reason, you seem to have forgotten they exist. If you’d read a text then you’d know that she called me half an hour ago saying she thought she’d been drugged.”

“What?” Cody and TJ said, both of them staring at you.

“Fuck, Y/N I thought someone took you,” said your dad. You opened your mouth and he shook his head.

“She’s just drunk,” said TJ. 

“Well thanks for the update. You could have answered your phone,” he said. He glared at you and shook his head. “Don’t ever do that again.”

He left the bar and you slid off your seat, jogging outside, telling the boys you’d be back in a minute. There were a lot of people out for a Friday night and it took a second to find him in the crowd. 

“Dad,” you said. You caught up with him as he walked down the sidewalk. You tugged on his arm and the man spun around, very much not your father. “Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

“Nice costume,” he said and you stepped back into another body, your head swimming. “You gonna puke? Alley’s over there.”

You turned your head and jogged around the corner, spitting up your stomach with a big heave. You wiped off your mouth and sighed, getting up to your feet. There was a shove on your back and you got pushed further into the darkness, falling onto the dirt and gravel. You spun around on your bottom and saw the guy from before.

“Be more careful, kid. You’re tripping there.”

“You pushed me,” you grumbled as you stood up, picking up a rock in your fist as you went.

“You’re on something. You got that look in your eye,” he said. You narrowed your eyes and he walked forward, close enough for you to whack him in the head with the rock. He swore as he fell down and you ran back onto the street, jogging away until you got to a street corner and saw a familiar back of someone’s head.

“Dad,” you said, tugging on his jacket, relieved to find it was him this time. “Dad, there was-”

“I don’t want to speak to you right now,” he said. You swallowed and stared at him, his face hard.

“Dad. I-”

“You never hang up the phone with me when you call me like that ever again, do you understand?” he said. You stared at him and his jaw clenched. “Of course you don’t. You’re drunk.”

“Dad I’m not. I-”

“You smell like vomit,” he said with a scoff. You turned around and saw the man from before hanging back, shooting you a look. “Go back to the bar, Y/N.”

“Dad-”

“Would you just go?” he shouted. 

“Dad don’t. I need-”

“For fucks sake. Just go away.”

You let go of his arm, tears welling in your eyes. 

“Grow up,” he said. You stepped back, watching him walk across the street.

“D-Daddy,” you said. He stopped in the crosswalk and looked back at you, his gaze following yours over to the man. The man saw him look at him and took off back towards the bars when he saw your dad scowling. Your dad jogged back over to you, tensing when you took a step back from him. 

“No one’s gonna hurt you,” he said. He stepped closer and you squeezed your eyes shut. “Y/N. What’s wrong?”

“I feel funny and I’m drunk and I’m scared and I’m scared of you,” you breathed out. “You were gonna leave me alone.”

“Y/N-”

“You said you wouldn’t leave me alone,” you said. You stumbled over to a nearby wall and slide down it, your head in your hands. “Don’t leave me alone. You promised. You said so.”

“Okay,” he said as he sat down beside you. He kissed the top of your head and you heard him shudder. “You’re okay, munchkin, I promise.”

“How are you feeling this morning?” asked the doctor that walked into your room. 

“Tired,” you mumbled. TJ and Cody were there in their own stalls, still in their costumes, your dad out in the hall talking to someone.

“Your blood alcohol content was up there,” he said. “Especially you, Y/N.”

“I want to go home,” you groaned.

“You’ll be discharged shortly,” he said. You grumbled and half an hour later you were signing something that you could leave.

“Y/N,” said your dad as you walked away from the nurses station. You glanced over your shoulder, glancing down until he came over. “We need to talk about last night.”

“No we don’t. We got too drunk. I fucked up. Lesson learned,” you said. You started to head out and he grabbed your shoulder. “Jensen let go.”

“Y/N,” he said, spinning you around. He opened his mouth and you crossed your arms, shrugging him off. “I made a mistake.”

“I had to beg you to help me. I called you daddy I was so scared,” you said. He shut his eyes and you growled. “Look at me.”

He snapped his eyes up, his eyes a little red already but you were too angry to care.

“The only other time I’ve ever called you that, I thought you were dead on that road. I thought...I thought there was absolutely...I was drunk and maybe drugged and your reaction was to get pissed at me, at us, for not answering phones. A man tried to attack me and I got away because my dad told me to grab whatever I could if I was ever in that situation. There you were, the safest place in the world, the safest I could ever feel after something like that happened and you told me to go away. I was terrified and you could see it on my face and you left me. You made me beg for you to help me. I don’t know who the fuck you were last night but you were not my father. You’re Jensen again until he decides to come back.”

“Y/N,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Congratulations. You’re just like every other foster father I ever had.”

He stared at you and you turned around, walking past both TJ and Cody.

“Y/N,” said TJ and you kept walking. “Y/N. Jensen, she didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, I did. Let’s go TJ.”

One Week Later

The doorbell rang and you rolled your eyes, TJ walking past the couch and away from the door.

“TJ, can-”

“Tell him yourself,” he said, going to his office and slamming the door. You glared at it before going to the front door. You opened it quickly, your dad standing there in his raincoat and swallowing thickly.

“Is this about work?” you asked.

“No,” he said quietly.

“Then get off of my property.”

“Y/N-” he said as you slammed the door shut in his face. He rang the doorbell again and you ripped it open. “Honey-”

“I’m not your honey or kiddo or tall munchkin or anything, Jensen. This is me telling you that I want you out of my life,” you said. He lowered his head and you heard him sniffle. “I don’t give a fuck about if you cry. Get out of our lives. Stay away from my family.”

“I’ll do whatever you want me to,” he breathed out, forcing his head up. His eyes were red and puffy, face tired like it’d been that way for days. “I’ll do whatever you want. I promise.”

“You humiliated me,” you said, stepping outside and pulling the door shut. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do,” he said. “I love you so much you-”

“You don’t even know. Boo fucking hoo,” you said. He stepped back and looked small, rain dripping down on him now. “The real world sucks. Get used to it.”

“I made a mistake. Please,” he said. “Y-you don’t have to forgive me. You can...just let me try. Please. We’ve always tried. P-please let me try.”

You stared at him, watching him look down, watching him debate getting on his knees.

And it dawned on you what you’d done. What you’d said.

“Y/N, Y/N, honey,” said TJ. You looked up from the floor of your bathroom, your dad knelt down on your other side. “Honey, look at me.”

He grabbed your face and you felt wet tears streaming steadily down your cheeks.

“What happened?” you asked. “I was on the porch and now I’m here?”

“You were talking to your dad outside and he said you just...fell over crying.”

“Something’s wrong with me,” you said. You shut your eyes and TJ looked around.

“I’m gonna call the doctor,” he said. “Jensen can you keep an eye on her?”

“Of course,” he said. He kept his distance and you sniffled, opening your eyes. He looked down when you met his eyes and you started to cry.

“I’m sorry,” you said. You grabbed his arm and sat up on your knees, giving him a big hug. “Dad I’m so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Please. Please. I’m sorry. I want to be your daughter. I want my dad back. Please.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere,” he said. He relaxed and felt like himself again, your head resting on his shoulder. 

“Uh, guys?” asked TJ. You lifted your head up, TJ holding up his phone. “Y/N, I think I know why you freaked out on Jensen so bad.”

“How would the doctor know that over the phone?” asked your dad.

“There’s a recall out on a certain allergy medication warning people not to take it according to this headline,” said TJ. 

“Why would-”

“It’s not allergy medicine. It’s an antipsychotic drug. They mixed up the pills during manufacturing. Apparently if you give those to people that don’t need them, it fucks with their heads,” said TJ.

“You take them too,” you said as TJ nodded, your dad quiet. “Dad you and mom do-“

“I think we all better go to the hospital and get checked out. Right now.”

“How do you feel?” asked your mom a few hours later.

“My head feels normal again,” you sighed from your hospital bed. You opened your eyes, her hand running over your head. “Did I fuck it up. With dad. I think I broke it. That thing we had and it’s never going to fix back the same way.”

“You were on a very strong antipsychotic without you knowing. We are lucky all you had was some anger and a few delusions. It could have been much worse,” she said. “Daddy’s not mad, sweetie.”

“Mom I’ve never seen him like that. I was so…”

“Wasn’t just you,” he said as he rounded the corner into the room. He was out of his clothes and in a pair of pants and a plain t shirt now, holding up the bracelet on his wrist. “Why’d I have to get all the crying? I would have rather have been pissed off like you got.”

“Your test came back positive?” asked your mom.

“Yeah. So far that’s Y/N, me, TJ, Cody. The younger kids don’t seem to have it thankfully since they take the kid version. They want you to get tested though,” he said.

“But mom’s been normal,” you said as you sat up.

“Well…” he said as she rolled her eyes. “Mom’s been a little...aggressive in-”

“Don’t need to know,” you said. He chuckled and he took a seat on the opposite bed, your mom heading out. They hooked him up to an IV to clear out his system and he took a seat beside you on the bed. You looked down, getting a bump on the shoulder. His hand as on his lap, palm facing up and you smiled.

“Thatta girl,” he said as you rested yours in it. “Gonna take more than some antipsychotics to tear us apart.”

“You are the greatest foster father I’ve ever had and arguably the kindest human being I’ve ever known,” you said. He was quiet and you took a deep breath, looking across the room. “You protected me, even when you were being affected by this. I want you to forget everything I’ve said from Halloween night on. It wasn’t true. Not a second of it.”

“Was the daddy part true?” he asked. “The accident.”

“I expect you to protect me when TJ’s not around. I expect it when he is too to be honest. I spent a long time protecting myself. I was scared on that road. You couldn’t protect me. You couldn’t protect me from watching you almost die. I know how life works and that parents are not invulnerable. They get hurt. They get angry. They make mistakes. They’re human. But I’ll always be your child and on a rare occasion, I’ll need my fucking daddy to tell me it’s okay and I’ll believe him. I’m sorry for hurting him so badly.”

“You are still as ridiculous as the day you walked in your room and told me not to bother with you,” he said, tucking your hair behind your ear. “You can hurt me. You can destroy me. You can ruin me beyond repair. You’re the only thing that puts me back together though. Heals the wounds so I forget they existed. I’ve been broken before. More than you know. I am sure I will fall apart again too. But these small creatures I call my children fix all of that. The girl who ran away, who was afraid of me, she just told me I make her feel safe. I protect her. So I’m sorry but I won’t forgive you since there’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t yourself and neither was I yet you still pushed past it and realized this wasn’t normal for us. Maybe some people fight and some families would have let it go but we know we don’t stop trying in this family. Even when we’re all a little off. I’m proud of you.”

“For what?” you said quietly. He fixed your hair again, playing with it for a moment. He tickled the back of your ear and you giggled. “Dad.”

“Giggles never hurt either,” he said. He threw his arm over your shoulders and pulled you in close, kissing the top of your head. “You’re not that scared kid anymore, Y/N. You’re never gonna be her again. You’re strong. Even now, I know this will bother you for a little while but it won’t change anything. We’ll be even better if that’s possible.”

“You were begging me at the house,” you said.

“Could have gotten that new bronco you’ve been looking at. Sounds like you lost out,” he chuckled.

“Dork,” you said as you hugged him.

“I’m sorry for how I acted that night at the bar too. I’ll never do it again. I promise to not leave your side if you ever call me for help. Not for a second.”

“Dad you don’t have to apologize.”

“I’m bigger than you. I get to force this apology,” he said. “Am I forgiven?”

“Always,” you said. You saw a guy go past in the hall and you went wide eyed. “That’s the guy from the alley!”

“Hey,” said your dad with a smile as you got up. He walked out with his IV, you on his tail as the guy turned around with his doctor. The man looked at you and shook his head. “You’re the dickhead that tried to hurt my daughter aren’t you? I thought that was you.”

“Ew,” you said, looking at the infected cut on his head. Your dad moved forward and you caught his arm. “Um, maybe we can call the police?” 

A security guard at the nurse’s station got up and the man sighed, your dad narrowing his eyes.

“I was only gonna kill him a little,” he said. The man stared and your dad cocked his head. “I’m hopped up on anti-psychotics buddy. I can be very creative.”

“Dad,” you said, dragging him back into the room. “Let the police handle it.”

“I did get a little too happy about fantasizing over that,” he said as he sat down. You rolled your eyes and took a seat, laying back on the bed.

“Am I too big for a cuddle?” you asked.

“Nope, especially not in the hospital,” he said. He sat back and you rested your head on his shoulder. “Where is that husband of yours anyways?”

“I think he’s on the phone with the lawyer trying to sue or something,” you said. “Let him wander the halls and get it out of his system.”

“Excuse me?” You both turned to look at the door. “Hi. I’m Morris Harrison with Richmond...Solider Boy?”

“Homelander?” you said as Morris shook his head. “Uh, hi?”

“Hi. I uh, I’m a lawyer at Richmond and Associates and we’re working the class action against the pharmaceutical manufacturer. I got a call about more cases,” he said, handing over a business card. 

“We’ll be getting the family lawyer in contact with you rest assured,” said your dad. He nodded and looked away. “You okay?”

“Morris this is my dad, Jensen. Dad this is the nice boy from the bar you shouted at,” you said.

“To be fair, I was mentally impaired...and I mean come on, Homelander? Gotta be careful of those,” he smirked. 

“I was actually gonna be…” he said, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“You and Kayla were gonna be Sam and Dean! Oh yeah. Now I remember,” you said. 

“I like the new friend,” chuckled your dad.

“I’ll see you guys around sometime. Maybe a little less drinking this time?” said Morris.

“Yeah. Text TJ. We’ll get together,” you said. “Oh. I gotta ask. How’d the Kayla situation work out?”

“We have our sixth date tonight,” he said. You grinned and he rolled his eyes. “You’re alright drunk girl.”

“Later Homelander,” you said with a wave as he left.

“He was nice,” said your dad. “Did I really shout at him?”

“Yeah. I think he’s a fan so thank you for being nicer this time,” you said. 

“Well...at least you made a few new friends out of this experience?” he said. “Silver lining?”

“I will take a quiet, happy day for now,” you said.

“Me too, kiddo.”

Three Days Later

It was after ten when you slipped inside your parents house. It was a little dark, your siblings all at sleepovers. You poked your head around a corner, your dad in the kitchen mixing two cocktails together. He lifted his head up, cocking his head.

“Y/N?” he asked as you stepped out from around the corner. “What are you doing here?”

“I know you and mom got the house to yourselves so I’ll only be a minute,” you said. 

“Uh, what?” he said as you walked over and gave him a hug. He returned it and ran his hand over your head. “Y/N. I know you didn’t mean what you said. You can stop apologizing. Please.”

“I know,” you said. 

“Alright then,” he said. “I’ll take free hugs anytime.”

“Dad.”

“Yeah?” he asked as you squeezed him hard. He returned it and you smirked as you looked up. “What are you up to?”

“Can I show you something?” you asked. He nodded and you pulled him with you towards your old room, back to being one for guests. You walked him inside and sat him down on the bed as he watched you. You went over to the closet and turned on the light reaching up top into a shoe box. You took it down and walked it over, handing it to him.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“My dad’s kinda sappy and he writes me these letters,” you said. He rolled his eyes but smiled, putting his hands on top. “I started writing back. I put them in this box and figured one day you’d find them. But I know it wouldn’t hurt for you to maybe peek a look now after everything.”

He nodded and smiled, freezing when he took off the lid.

“Y/N...how many letters is this?”

“A boxful?” you said. “I maybe write them with more...frequency than he does. They are dated and hopefully in order.”

He picked out the first one and shut his eyes. You bit your bottom lip and he took a deep breath.

“This is from four days after your seventeenth birthday.”

“Every time I went to therapy I wrote one. Some are for mom but your names are on the envelopes.”

“Why does this one say dad?” he asked, holding up the first one. “I wasn’t dad for years.”

“Oh we both know you were my father the first day I stepped foot in here,” you said. “I could pretend to a piece of paper. It was safe. It wouldn’t hurt me. I started calling you dad in my head a very long time ago. I just didn’t say it in case you didn’t want me to be your daughter in the end.”

He put the envelope back in the box and carefully put the lid on, tucking it by his side. He wiped off his face with the back of his hands and looked up at you.

“Next month you turn twenty eight. You’ll have been with us for a hair over eleven years. This last year...the accident...TJ and his dad...now this...you’re the adult more lately than I am.”

“Dad I’m almost twenty eight like you said. But my head still feels...younger. You’re fifty one. But you still probably think of yourself as a twenty year old kid.”

“You are learning the secrets of adulthood after all,” he said, wiping off his face again. “Y/N...I have this fear when it comes to you. It’s only you. I understand why. But it’s a fear I’ve lived with for quite a long time. It’s a fear I thought came true earlier in the week.”

“She was a bitch that didn’t know better.”

“Don’t call yourself a bitch,” he said, sounding young, shaking his head. “You’ve always been tougher than me. I put on a good act but I’m...I’m privileged and I’ve had an easy life and even that seems hard sometimes. I couldn’t be you. I’m not strong enough. I’m not strong enough to erase the fear that I had, that lingered.”

“What are you afraid of?” you asked as you sat down on the bed.

“I have always loved you. But there was a time you didn’t love me and it took a while before it was unconditional. I’ve always had this fear that I would fuck up and hurt you, make you not love me anymore and that’s selfish of me. I know it is. But I can’t lose you. It just...I was broken last week. Like somebody ripped part of my soul out and it was gone forever. I’ve dealt with grief and death and heartbreak and nothing has ever hurt like that. The drugs did all that I know but...I would have done anything to get you back. Anything. And this girl, this amazing young woman, she writes me letters. She’s been writing me letters for eleven years. I never had to be afraid of you either, did I.”

“No,” you said. “But it’s okay. Boys are allowed to get scared too.”

“Your parents did a pretty good job with you,” he said.

“Yes. I think the four of them did too,” you said.

“I didn’t raise you.”

“Yes you did,” you said. You shoved a hand in your pocket and pulled out an envelope, handing it to him. 

“Another for the box?” he asked.

“I already snuck today’s in there,” you said. “This is different.”

“What is it?”

“Just open it.” He untucked the flap and laughed, pulling out the sheet of paper. “TJ thought it was cute.”

“An IOU to tag along whenever I’d like when you go out drinking,” he chuckled. “I’m gonna need several hundred more of these while you’re at it.”

“How about like three?” you said.

“I will settle for you calling me if you think you’re in trouble,” he said. You nodded and he rested his head on your shoulder. “Even drugged up you still did that.”

“Well, the drugs didn’t kick in really until that night. Having allergies sucks,” you said. “You get the runny nose and itchy eyes and the crazy stuff. So not fun.”

“Nope,” he said, giving you a hug. “I was totally gonna have sex with mom all night but now I got all these letters to read.”

“Oh God, gross,” you said, shuddering as you stood up. He laughed and lay back on the bed, giggling as you shook yourself off. “I don’t need to hear about your nasty sex life.”

“I have an incredible sex life. Like so much-”

“Goodbye father,” you said as you walked out of the room.

“You don’t even want to know how often if I’m being honest,” he said as you walked quickly to the front door. He cracked up and you groaned. “Night, kiddo.”

“Night, dad. Enjoy your letters.”

You woke up around three in the morning, rolling over in bed and catching a few texts on your phone. You lifted your head and saw they were from your dad, a smile growing across your face.

I read the last letter first. All I gotta say is you never have to worry about me going away, no matter how much you scream and shout. You’re stuck with me forever, kiddo. Not even strong medication can tear that apart. Nothing can. 

Also, for the record, I get to be the sap in this relationship, not you. Box full of cards. Do you know how hard it is to one up that? Do you? Keeping me on my toes kid. I’m sure I’ll come up with something though.

Love you tall munchkin.

“Something wrong?” mumbled TJ. You put your phone down and shook your head.

“Not at all,” you said. You tucked in close to his side, TJ rolling to his own and tucking your head under his chin. He hummed and rubbed your arm, kissing the top of your head. “Love you.”

“Love you too, honey.”

________

A/N: Read the Dads timestamp here!