#also I spent my whole first viewing of the movie under the impression that the character Dragonetti

[airyairyaucontraire]

I love Blade

who else here loves Blade

[foxingpeculiar]

FF7 R&R: The Final Edition So I beat Rebirth.

It took 97 hours and 15 fucking minutes. That's on top of the 32 hours and 22 minutes I spent on Remake's base game, and the 6 hours and 58 minutes of the Intergrade DLC. So, that's a grand total of 136 hours and 35 minutes, so far. The original game took like maybe 50 hours on a completionist playthrough--I beat it in about 35 at age 13. So yeah. People bitch about movies getting longer, but damn. Because the third game is going to have to be as big as this one (Remake was essentially an extended prologue, Rebirth brought us to the midpoint, so game 3 [which I'd bet money will be called Reunion] has to take us through the second half of the arc. So that's another 100 or so hours.)

Anyway. Putting the rest under the cut, cos this is the big spoilery one for everything. And will probably be quite the ramble.

Alright, I feel like I got almost everything out of this game, but there are at least two things I didn't do. One was the quest "Ultimate Party Animal," because fuck that. It's the one where you have to beat the Shinra Manager at all (well, four of) the Gold Saucer games.

I did do the chocobo one, because I'd just come off winning the Gold Cup as part of Billy's sidequest, so I was in the chocobo zone. And like, I've played some Mario Kart in my day--I ended up with a flawless 45 points. (Joe didn't even come in 2nd, which was quite satisfying. Choco Bubble, man. That's the way to do it.)

But anyway, then I got to the Speed Square. And I do not like shmups--that's not a genre I'm comfortable in. I did it a few times, barely got through it and realized that, to win, I'd have to have a score that was like 10000 pts higher than what I had barely managed to eke out. So that was the "nope, I'm out" moment for me with that. I don't even know what the other two challenges are, exactly.

The other thing I didn't do was Gilgamesh Island. I did get there, which was an annoying-ass process in-and-of-itself, mostly because of Cactuar Crush (specifically that third round) and because of Odin. With CC, it's just... a lot. Like I had to look up tips, equip Bird of Prey to Yuffie so I could do Doppelganger and then just kind of pray. But after like 10 attempts I made it. With Odin... like a lot of fights in this game are RPG fights--you're managing tactics, taking a broad view of what's happening. But Odin is an action game fight. You gotta dodge his shit and counter just right, or he's gonna gonna get bored and Zantetsuken your ass and that's just kind of it.

But okay, I put in a few rounds and I got him. So then I get to the island, and it's all Gilgamesh doing his little dance and being like "purify the equipment" or whatever, so okay. But the first fight I have is Titan and Bahamut. And... yeah, no. I tried it like 15 times. I can take Titan out, but then I just get Gigaflared to shit and it's over. So I said to myself, "well, try a different one, see how it goes." And that turned out to be Alexander blasting me up the ass with holy magic while I'm trying to deal with Odin's shit. Do I think I could win those fights eventually, if I perfected my technique? Absolutely. Do I want take the time to do that when I have (at that point) 88 hours in this bitch and a whole queue of other games waiting? No, I do not. Something for next time.

Okay. Story reactions.

Mostly, I'm just kind of impressed with how the ending threaded a really interesting needle.

Like, I've been saying since the beginning that Aerith has to die. That's a fundamental part of the story of Final Fantasy VII, to the point that if that doesn't happen, it's not FF7. (It's also one of the most iconic moments in video game history--kind of a transitional locus when mainstream western culture realized gaming was a medium capable of emotionally complex storytelling. That's why the original game is such a big deal.) Yet Remake was all about "oooh, change your fate, things aren't set in stone" and whatever, and I remember all the playground rumors about saving Aerith (Aeris, in the original) and so the whole time I've been like "are they gonna... are they gonna fuck with that? Cos they're making me think they're gonna fuck with that."

But they found kind of a way around it that actually sort of works. There was that whole scene that was like: "Welcome to the Multiverse, with Dr. Sephiroth" where he's telling Cloud about the "true nature of reality" and all that. And we've been seeing that this whole game in Zack's story.

Which I really didn't know what to do with up until the ending. LIke, is this a dream? Is this a metaphor? There's that whole bit where Marlene in Zack's world knows what's supposed to happen in the "prime" world. The relationship between these parallel versions of the story was unclear.

And right up until the moment where it actually happened, I could tell I was being guided to wonder if Cloud was going to stop it. The recreation of the scene was perfect, until the moment where it looked--for a moment--like Cloud had deflected the blow. But then he hadn't. But then she was there. The team is grieving her while she's sitting among them. It didn't really make sense for a minute.

But it's Cloud that can sense her still. There's that whole scene as he says goodbye, boarding the Tiny Bronco, like she's really there, even though--as far as everyone else is concerned, she's clearly died. But Cloud is straddling realities anyway--he still has some Jenova/Sephiroth in him, and this iteration of the story is making it even more clear than the original did that he's kind of losing his shit through the process of all this.

And then, just like Remake did, this one ends with a weird revelation about Zack. The first game teed us up for this alternate reality where Zack survived and now, it seems like, he's been dropped back into the "prime" reality, through means not entirely known. But what are the implications of that? Does that mean Aerith, too, can both die and survive?

It feels like they found a way to both honor the original game's canon and fuck with the sort of meta-perception of it. And like... this game make Remake feel better than it did the first time and I think there's going to be a similar relationship with the last game. They still have to stick the landing, but I'm still on board.

Okay. Going through play notes:

Queensblood. That was fun. That might be my favorite of the FF card games. I fucking owned Vincent's ass--54:0. The final game against the Shadowblood Queen-possessed-Regina was a squeaker, 32:30, but I did it.

OMG, the date/play sequence. Okay, so I knew this was gonna happen, but I thought it was the earlier interaction where Tifa and I were hanging around the Gold Saucer. But no, it comes late-game. I don't know who I would've wanted it to be, but I know who I didn't expect to be and that was Barret. But the Skywheel was kind of a fun scene, the older man trying to tell this young kid (cos, according to the original manual, Barret's 35 and Cloud's 21) "hey, don't fuck with these girls' heads--you gotta figure out what you want here." There was a tenderness to it. (Apparently in post-game chapter selection, you can do that part with any/everyone, and I kinda want to, just to see). The play part was a lot of fun. And somehow I S-ranked that, despite being somewhat intoxicated at the time of playing.

Corneo. Oh man, okay. I love that they're making him this recurring skeezeball villain, weaving him into different parts of the plot. It will make his eventually defeat a lot more satisfying (also Scotch and Kotch are fun).

The Chocobo Sage making booze out of the grass I found absolutely slayed me.

Okay, Vincent. It's pretty cool that we got to fight him in beast form--that's another one of those weird things from the original game that I was curious how they were going to handle. And they did with him and Cid what they did with Nanaki in the first one--they're there, but NPCs. So what will controlling them in the third game be like? The whole Shinra Manor bit was pretty sweet, though. Kicking Hojo's ass on top of that tower thing is going to be very sweet.

I appreciate how the story kind of streamlined the whole bit about the keystone and the temple. We DID get Demon Wall! I didn't think we were gonna, but there it was!

Cait Sith's betrayal and subsequent redemption was handled well. That was one of those things where i was like "oh, yeah, I remember this" as it was happening.

I don't remember for sure if Sephiroth killed (or at least stabbed the fuck out of) Tseng in the original. Maybe? It's been a while. But the Turk fights in the temple were both a lot of fun, and I love how they kind of crashed into each other. The whole labyrinth bit was pretty great, actually, and in the Escher-like spirit of the original, I felt.

God, there's so many more notes here, but they're mostly small things. I think the tl;dr is that I'm still on board. If they'd maybe chilled out with the minigames, this'd be a 10/10. But the middle part of the trilogy is always the hardest to gauge on its own merits. So I wanna see how [Reunion] stacks up. I have faith, though. Things I am curious about/expecting:

We still don't have a clear explanation of what Tifa remembers about Cloud being at the Nibelheim incident. And now that we're like... fucking with multiverse stuff, does she remember him being there at all? How is that affected by this added layer of complexity?

Rocket Town and Wutai. Cid and Yuffie's stories need wrapping up, plus the Wutai storyline will end all the Corneo nonsense.

How are they going to handle the Scarlet/Tifa fight on the canon? Cos you can't not do that, but you also can't do that the same way. So like... eh?

Are we going to see Ruby/Emerald WEAPON, and how goddamn terrifying is that going to be?

KOTR? What the fuck would that even look like in this version?

How is the presence of Zack going to change things?

There's probably more, but it's late and I'm tired.

[fific7]

Ticket to Ride - Part 2

Billy Russo x Reader

A/N: Inspired by The Beatles song of the same name. This takes place in my S1 Punisher AU with Arrogant!Billy in attendance, in which he gets a taste of his own medicine.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content, including oral, between consenting adults* in some chapters. Drinking and swearing.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(My photo edit)

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𝕊𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕒𝕚𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕞𝕖 𝕚𝕤 𝕓𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕕𝕠𝕨𝕟, 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕙

𝕊𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕟𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕓𝕖 𝕗𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕀 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕

𝕊𝕙𝕖'𝕤 𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕒 𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕚𝕕𝕖

𝕊𝕙𝕖'𝕤 𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕒 𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕚𝕕𝕖

𝕊𝕙𝕖'𝕤 𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕒 𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕚𝕕𝕖 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕤𝕙𝕖 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖

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The aircraft door opened and you stepped out gratefully onto the air jetty. You weren’t scared of flying, you just didn’t like being cooped up in a flying tube for several hours on end. Up an escalator and along a short corridor and then you were able to see outside through the floor-to-ceiling windows. The sky was beginning to shade into the colours it would take on for dusk. It looked like it had been a nice day and you hoped the good weather would continue for your stay.

Karen had texted you while you were sitting on the plane at JFK, waiting for it to push back. Frank had told her that Micro had tracked your phone to the airport so boy, were you glad you’d turned off your old phone and switched to the new one when you did. She’d also told you that Billy had asked him to find out where you were headed, and your heart sank. You knew it wouldn’t take long for Micro’s vast and nerdy computer skills to find you but then again, London was a huge city and they’d have no idea whereabouts in it you’d gone to ground, thanks to your new ‘burner phone’.

You were feeling super-excited. This was beginning to feel like an action movie, with you on the run from the bad guys.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

“London??!!” Billy shouted, making Frank quickly move his phone away from his ear on the other end. “Yeah, London,” he replied.

Billy was back at his usual post by the window. “I mean... obviously I knew she was gonna fly somewhere but I thought it would the West coast, Miami, Seattle, Alaska... somewhere like that. But to go to a whole other continent....!!!!” Frank sighed, “Yeah, Bill, sounds like she’s really not keen to bump into you anytime soon.” “Yeah, thanks for remindin’ me.” “Bill, you brought this on yourself, buddy.” “I know!” yelled Billy, “An’ all I wanna do is get her back and make it up to her for the rest of my life, and all I know is she’s in London! Do you know how big that place is?” “Yeah, I do. And t’be honest... I dunno how you’re gonna even try to find her over there.”

There was a silence on the other end of the phone. “I mean...” Frank continued, “I’m guessin’ you are gonna go over there and try to find her, Bill?”

Billy’s shoulder twitched upwards briefly, and he stared intently out the window at the New York skyline.

“Yeah, Frankie... yeah, I damn well am.”

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You’d left two of your big suitcases and the backpacks in a luggage storage facility at JFK, travelling with just the one suitcase and a large shoulder bag. You took the overground Heathrow Express to Paddington before negotiating a change onto the Tube to reach Tower Hill DLR station, boarding one of the driverless trains out to Canary Wharf. Settling back into your seat, feeling pretty proud of yourself for managing not to get hopelessly lost.

Your AirBnB apartment was in a part of the city called Docklands, beside the Thames on the Isle of Dogs. It was an area of shiny skyscraper offices and fancy apartment blocks built round the old docks, and your accommodation for the next two weeks was in one of those. You were suitably impressed when you got inside it... open plan, all trendy furniture and gleaming fittings. Big, big windows with views of the river and the tall buildings.

Your phone chimed and you saw a text from Karen on your notifications. Taking your suitcase and bag into the bedroom, you went back out to the main area and sat on the sofa to read it. Oh. Billy now knew you were in London, and had apparently booked a flight over - he’d be arriving tomorrow. Your heart rate sped up; Billy was a sniper, used to finding, stalking, watching his prey. But, you told yourself, he had no idea whereabouts in the city you were and no way of finding you.

Relax.

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Billy stepped off the Heathrow Express, looking around for signs indicating where the taxi rank was. He’d been looking at the Tube map during the train journey. Nah, fuck that.

He was too wired to even think about getting to London Bridge on the Underground, or ‘Tube’ as he found out Londoners called it. His brain had been working overtime trying to figure out how the hell he was going to find her in a city the size of London. She’d stay central, surely - she wouldn’t head to the suburbs, he felt confident of that.

Getting into the first taxi in the queue, he drawled out, “The Shard, please.” The taxi driver nodded and pulled away from the station without saying anything. Thank fuck, thought Billy, I can’t be dealing with a talker right now. But just as the thought had left his head, the driver’s London accent said, “First time in London, guv?” Billy sighed, “No. No, it isn’t.” In fact it was, but he wasn’t about to tell the driver that. He’d only end up getting taken on the ‘scenic route’, double the time, double the price.

The driver grunted and turned up the radio... really annoying music could now be heard but Billy would take that over inane small talk any day. He looked out of the windows at the city streets and his mind went back to his mission. Mission impossible. Finally he saw the river and the taxi crossed a wide bridge before pulling up outside the lofty skyscraper that was The Shard. According to the blurb he’d read on some travel website it was the tallest in Western Europe, and while there were taller buildings in New York, the shape of this one made it look quite dramatic.

He paid and got out of the taxi with his expensive wheeled duffel bag, heading to the Shangri La entrance of The Shard and going inside. (It’s one of the priciest hotels in London - of course). Checked in at reception on the 35th floor, he was then whisked up to his room on the 52nd by another express lift. The windows were huge and the views spectacular.

Once again, he was gazing out of a window at a cityscape.

Where is she?

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Your first full day, you occupied yourself with getting to know the surrounding area, doing some grocery shopping and sitting on your large balcony, enjoying the view and relaxing with a glass of wine.

Every time a plane went overhead you wondered if Billy was on it - he was due here today. You shook yourself a little, you’d just have to stop thinking about it. He wouldn’t find you.

Your mind wandered unbidden to his recent behaviour. Knowing Billy was a player from day one, you’d still got involved with him. More fool you. Another old cliché.... you thought you’d be the one to change him. And you thought you had. You’d dated him for a few months, he seemed to have ditched his old hound-dog ways and when he’d asked you to move in with him, you’d agreed without thinking it over too deeply.

Now, looking back, it seems like you’d made a big mistake.

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Micro had spent quite some time constructing a query table that he could run against accommodation reservations in London for her arrival day. She had no reason to book under another name and he’d just have to run with that assumption.

When Billy had come directly to him instead of going via Frank to ask that he try and track down her reservation, Micro had been too scared to refuse. Billy still really unsettled him - he always reminded him of a circling predator.

This query would take a while to run. He hit the go button and wandered off to work on another project while it tunnelled its way through layer upon layer of data.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy was pacing his swanky hotel room like a caged panther. He’d given up on the idea of roaming the streets of London trying to spot his target, that was just one dumbass idea. He’d never find her that way, much better to just wait on that geeky twat to come up with the answer with his internet wizardry.

He’d spoken to Frank earlier, who had nothing new to report. Billy wouldn’t allow himself to feel guilty at cutting him out of the loop on his recent ask to Micro. He wasn’t stupid enough to believe that Frank wouldn’t mention it to Karen. Much as he loved him like a brother, Frank was a big sap when it came to Karen and he knew he’d give in and tell her, probably sooner rather than later.

However Frank had told him that Madani had called earlier that day, wanting to know where Billy was and why she couldn’t get in touch with him. Billy had figured out that his girl had got herself a new phone, and he’d followed suit. Which is why Dinah hadn’t been able to reach him. “Whaddya tell her?”he’d asked. “That you were on an overseas operation and were incommunicado.” “Good,” nodded Billy, “....that takes care of that little problem for a while at least,” feeling a sense of relief.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Frank cut the call, a grim smile on his face. He hadn’t been completely straight with Billy, but it was for his own good. What he’d told Madani, however, had been the unadulterated gospel truth.

He’d said to her that Billy had hared off to Europe in pursuit of his live-in girlfriend, who’d suspected him of cheating on her and left him. He was absolutely determined to get her back.

He’d taken great satisfaction in the dead silence on the other end of the line, eventually punctuated by an angry snort and the call being abruptly ended.

That ‘little problem’ was hopefully taken care of for good.

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Micro looked at his phone as it beeped at him, the notification saying that his query was complete. That had taken much longer than he thought it would. Now he could only hope it hadn’t returned too many matches as he’d thought it prudent to run it on surname only.

He pulled up the results table and was pleased to see that there were only a thousand or so, he’d feared there would be many more. He scrolled through the list and quickly pinpointed the one he’d been looking for.

With a deep sigh he picked up his phone, typed “Wood Wharf, Water St, London E14”, a building and apartment number into a new message, then hit send. It would be the early hours of the following morning in London, so he very much doubted that Billy would leap out of bed and head right over there.

He finished eating his supper, drank a beer and settled down to watch TV when his conscience started bothering him. Should he? He shivered when he thought about what Russo might do to him if he found out.

Popping another bottle of beer open, he sat and contemplated what he should do for quite a while. He suddenly picked up his phone, sending a quick text to Frank telling him about the whole situation and including the fact that Russo now had her London address.

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While you were lounging on your balcony, sipping your wine and watching the world go by, it suddenly occurred to you that this would be a great base to work out of for a while. You messaged the estate agent and extended your stay to one month, with an option to extend if required.

Then, on a whim, you booked a flight to Barcelona early the next morning from City Airport - it was really close to your apartment even if the flights were a bit more expensive. You’d been doing a little research into other destinations to explore, and having a base in London to travel to and from made you feel much more comfortable. The W Barcelona had caught your eye while you’d been browsing for accommodation and as you were only going for a few nights, you’d booked in there.

Feeling extremely pleased with yourself, you got up and went into your bedroom, looking for a folded-up smaller travel bag you knew you’d packed in your luggage. Finding it, you began to choose some outfits for your short trip, thinking what a joy it was that you could now leave your large suitcase here.

But damn, you were going to have to be up early tomorrow. Best to get an early night, you thought, immediately yawning.

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Billy shot up in bed as his phone chimed with Micro’s text. When he read the information in the text, contrary to Micro’s belief he did leap out of bed and started pulling on his clothes (Micro had forgotten that this was an ex-Marine he was dealing with here).

He sat back down on the bed and googled the location. Oh okay, East London.... Docklands. Too far to walk and he didn’t think the Tube ran at this hour. Then he pulled up the Uber app and booked an immediate pick-up.

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Walking into the terminal building at City Airport, you were in the middle of a total yawning fit when a text came in. It was from Karen and you stopped, putting down your bag so you could read it.

Karen: Sorry to tell you this hon, but Billy went direct to Micro 🙄 and intimidated him into finding your London accom. Frank’s told him not to do that again no matter how much he’s shitting himself! Please take care of yourself 💋

You: Bastard 👿 thanks for the heads-up, I will do 😘

Picking your bags up again, you hurried over to one of the automated check-in machines to get your luggage tag.

Whoever had said ‘timing is everything’ had definitely got that right.

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“Oi!!!” yelled an irate male voice. Billy turned his head to see a groggy-looking tousle-haired guy, obviously just having been woken up. “Keep the noise down!”

Billy said nothing, just gave the guy his death stare. His head quickly disappeared back inside his apartment.

After pressing the buttons of a few apartment numbers at the main entrance, someone had buzzed him in and he’d been pounding on her apartment door for the last five minutes. But there was no response, and he knew she wasn’t that heavy a sleeper.

He slid tiredly down onto the floor outside her door. Had she somehow known he was on his way over here? No.... how would she know that?

His head dropped down in momentary defeat and he ran his fingers through his hair, groaning.

She hadn’t moved on already, had she?

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The plane lifted off the tarmac, and immediately you felt a huge sense of relief. You just weren’t ready to see Billy right now - you’d probably kill him if you did, ex-Marine or not.

Now you were off on your next adventure.

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London

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@blackbirddaredevil23 @galaxyjane @omgrachwrites @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @ourloveisforthelovely @swthxrry @odetostep @supernaturalcat7 @obscurilicious @strawb3rrydr3ss

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[wizkiddx]

i saw that you at least used to write for harry could u do another? like maybe im just a basic bitch but 'only one bed' trope or sm

Summary: honestly just me shitty attempt at the only one bed thing ahah with Harry Holland x reader

no warnings I don’t think apart from my ramabling :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God you were groggy. It had been a long 16 hour flight and you were well and truly completely over this day. Once you’d had some proper sleep, no doubt you will be beyond excited to explore the forest and beaches of this remote island in Indonesia. You were certain it was beautiful, even if you’d arrived in the dead of night so you couldn’t see any of the majesty yet. It was one of the joys of being Tom’s makeup artist - travelling the world and being paid for it? A literal dream. 

Except maybe the previous 24 hours. The Holland name carried a lot of weight in the world, but not enough to control typhoons across the tropics - there were some limitations to his power. And yes first class lounges were nice but none had beds to crash on during the 6 hour weather delay. The four of you (Tom, Harry, Andrew and yourself)  ended up camping out in a out-the-way corner. Tom got the long sofa; Andrew in one of those weird egg line chairs; you and Harry splayed on the floor. Why you’d had to get up at 4 am to catch a flight that was now not departing till 12 hours later actually hurt to think about - especially because you’d all gone out for a meal the night before that had inevitable went a lot later than planned. 

Two connecting flights with a very angry baby later, the four of you were checking in to the only hotel on the island - which was now almost exclusively filled with the production team for Tom’s newest movie. It wasn’t especially big-budget with massive million pound overheads, instead a smaller scale indie film (that you privately thought might earn Tom a number of accolades). But yeh, shooting on an island that received almost no tourism meant everything was different to the usual. None more so than for Tom and his team (including you) who he normally would look after very well, with the nicest hotel rooms or rental homes. 

The hotel was basic, you’d known that before you arrived but seeing is believing is it not? Most entertaining though, was seeing Tom’s face. Andrew was a well travelled older guy, he had stayed in some shitholes in his life. Equally you and Harry had both travelled when you were younger (you through inter railing and him in australia), so had stayed in hostels before. But for Hollywood star Tom Holland? The way he tilted his head to the side as if to say ‘really this place?’ did lift your spirits momentarily. 

Andrew had got his key first, bidding you all good night with a grunt, then Tom - who still seemed confused as to the whole arrangements. It left you and Harry at the small dingy reception, the warm glow of an old lantern-esque light fixing illuminating the place. The guy behind the desk was a smiley local and greeted you warmly, if incorrectly.

“Ah and finally the couple I see!” He spoke with a thick accent but still very clear English which had you questioning if this was just a translational error. Harry looked at you instantly, his eyes wide which made you scoff - him joining in, shaking his unruly curly mop emphatically.

“No no we um… we aren’t together.” All the while Harry pointed between the two of you, communicating through actions rather than just the language, given that you were both the very typical Brits abroad who hadn’t learnt the language of the place they were visiting. 

“Still under Holland name?” The guy asked in a perplexed manner, flicking through a book filled with cursive scribbles and scanning to see if he’d made a mistake. He checked one, then looked up nervously before checking the same page once again- you saw where this was going. ”We, we only have couples room down for you though? 3 double rooms is the booking for Holland.” 

It was late, you both stunk of a combination of plane and BO, you both just wanted your individual and respective beds. 

“Well can we get another room then?” Harry didn’t quite snap but there was still an impatientcy to his voice, which came out whenever he was a little agitated. Seeing the slightly worried look the mans eyes, you leaned onto the desk with a genuine smile. 

“Sorry we know its last minute and its not your fault, we’ve just had a really long flight.”

“I am terribly sorry miss but we are only small hotel and Hollywood has filled us up. I have no other rooms. I am truly sorry sir, ma’am.” The guy went from looking worried to terrified as Harrys jaw tensed up, you naturally squeezed his arm to try and ground him, instantly deciding that you’d just work it out. 

“No no it’s not your fault, don’t worry we’ll figure it out. Can I just get the key?”

Harry stepped back and let youtakeover proceedings, signing all the insurance documents etc and asking the man about the breakfast arrangements and such, though you saw him furiously typing on his phone and by the buzzing in your pocket- presumed he was messaging the group of you Tom, Andrew and himself. 

Once finished the guy pointed you on your way, up two flights of stairs and down a hall. The whole time Harry was muttering about how useless the other two were for not replying and also for making the wrong booking in the first place. If only you hadn’t been the last two to checkin, then it would’ve been someone else’s problem.

He felt especially guilty just because you were the only girl-  he didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, hence why he was trying to locate his brother so they could share tonight till they got it figured out. The tension, combined with sleep deprivation, was palpable as you both walked in silence toward the room - Harry was trying to formulate a plan in his head as they did so. And honestly? You just couldn’t be bothered to deal with it. So, once you reached the door 57 holding the physical key (old school, rather than a key card) you just decided to address it. 

“Will you chill please?” 

“Well if my idiot broth-“

“Oh leave him be for god sake. If you’re okay with it I really don’t mind sharing with you tonight?” Not bothering to laugh at his slightly shocked expression with mouth hanging a little open, you fiddled with the key until the lock clicked open. From the entrance you had a pretty clear view of the whole room and… well, lets just say dated would be a fair expression - when compared to what you were used to? The floor was tiled and the bed was a small double, with some funky and slightly washed out prints of blue and red on the cover. The pillows looked a little limp, more like glorified pieces of cardboard than anything fluffy and comfortable. The walls were that yellowy magnolia shade that everyone in the UK had gone insane for in the 80s and there was an old school wooden wardrobe in the corner. 

Home for 5 weeks. 

With a shrug of your shoulders you entered, dumping your personal and work suitcases by the far wall carelessly - the higher priority action being to collapse on the bed. Doing so with an overdramatic huff, you let your eyes close but payed special attention to the delayed footsteps of Harry as he entered, then the slight creaking noise as he perched on the other side of the bed - no doubt looking at you, at least slightly fearfully. 

The relationship between you and Harry was complex to say the least. Well no… it should be, not on the face of it. You had met through work and made friends. And you wished it was that simple but alas, nothing ever really is. When you’d first worked with Tom you were in the tail end of a relationship you had long since forgotten about - literally meaningless, not worth the time and effort you’d put into it. From the start you’d had a feeling Harry was more interested in you than the average co-worker (even if your job and therefore co-workers were anything but normal and average) but you were in a relationship so nothing ever came. 

Then almost as if synchronised, just as you got out your relationship, Harry threw himself in the deep end with a girl he’d met through his family friends. Then the roles were somewhat reversed, you now spent a good chunk of your day just entertaining yourself with thoughts of the curly headed, slightly awkward, very-passionate-about-tea-making Holland. The cliche is so real - your always want what you cannot have. 

However, a couple months ago his relationship had fizzled and faded away leaving both of you in a sort of no mans land. The sort of not wanting to ruin the friendship situation. The subject was never broached by either you - except you assumed he was being tormented in a similar way to how you were by his big brother and Andrew. Never publicly, yet whenever you found yourself alone in a room with one of them (being Tom’s makeup artist that happened often enough) there would always be a sly dig. The chemistry was  so ‘obvious even a blind man could see it’. Somehow though, weeks of this and your were still stuck. Stuck in the middle. 

“You sure you’re alright with this?” His voice was gruffer and hoarser from the long journey but you could hear the self-consciousness and naivety in his tone, without having to peel your eyes open and look at his face. 

“I know your not a murder and plus, we shared the airport floor this morning… this is pretty much the same.” He hummed in acknowledgement so you carried on “and plus your pint sized.” That earned you a playful shove in the side as you sniggered, before pulling yourself up so you we now sitting next to him, legs hanging off the edge of the bed. His brown eyes searched deeply into yours, as if physically checking for any hint of regret or hesitation. “Don’t even dare offering to go on the floor.” 

“Okay okay okay!” Holding his hands up in surrender, you both laughed, breaking the peace of the late night of the remote Indonesian island. Once an impressive yawn interrupted you though, Harry proclaimed it was time for bed and shooed you into the bathroom to get changed and sorted. 

Honestly you were too tired and lazy to dig out your cleanser and skin stuff, instead opting to just splash a bit of water on your face before swapping into your pj shorts and an old tattered oversized tee. Once done you and Harry swapped, him coming out a couple minutes later in basketball shorts and a black loose fitting tee. 

It wasn’t awkward so to speak, more a sort of excited-tense atmosphere, which there was no doubt Harry was mainly responsible. The boy was jittery and on edge, which to put simply, you didn’t have the energy to reciprocate. 

With a quiet wish of goodnight to each other, Harry flicked off the bedside lamp and you both rolled to your respective edges of the bed, a large space of no mans land between you. In the middle. You know the first time you share a room with someone and you overthink everything? When you don’t want to move about or fidget too much in case it disturbs the other? When your listening intently to their breathing, in the hope it’ll even out and only then will you feel able to fall asleep yourself? 

Well it doesn’t work when both of you are doing it. When both of you are professional over thinkers. 

God knows how long it took till you gave up, favouring sleep over your worries and concerns. So you flipped over, no doubt rocking the whole bed, turning to face his back that was still huddled almost teetering off the edge of the bed. The only light within the whole room was that coming under the actually scarily large gap between the floor and the door to the hallway. It was just enough to see the back of Harry’s curls and you must’ve fallen asleep trying to trace all the torturous and windy routes of the strands.

///////////

In the morning the process of waking up didn’t come easy to you as normal for many reasons; the long day prior; the jet lag; the weird surroundings. So you stayed in this sort of blissful haze for probably longer than you should. Half aware but not really; half asleep but not quite. In the middle  of sleep and alertness. Therefore it took you longer than it should have to notice the extra weight on the dip of your waist. Not anything alarming, just a presence you were absolutely not used to. It was only when you shifted a bit to lie further on your back, that enough of a stimulus from the added pressure made you actually open your eyes blearily. And sure enough, a limp hand looked to have casually and unconsciously been thrown over your side. 

As if in slow motion, you traced the arm backwards - first with your eyes, but then having to twist your neck too. Only then could you fully see the browny ginger haired boy who was lowkey spooning you? It was certainly a way to fully wake you up, breath halted to a stand still in your lungs, in fear of disturbing him and having to confront what would almost certainly be an awkward situation. 

There was still a safe hands width distance between the two of you except for the rogue arm. Harry’s head was placed to the edge of his pillow, mouth slightly parted as his breathing slightly tickled the wispy hairs on the back of your neck. He looked so peaceful and calm - a difference to the normal Harry who, even on a good day, took great pleasure in meticulously picking things apart and being a bit cynical. It was part of his ‘charm’; but seeing him like this was a type of vulnerability he rarely chose to show. 

To be fair he was asleep, he dint realise he was exposing himself in this way.

Finding yourself a little transfixed (a bit creepy but hey) on the natural curves and definition of his face, you ever so carefully rolled over in the bed to face him. It stopped you from craning your neck and gave the sleepy boy a slight nudge, making him tense his arm a little more tightly round you. 

He settled quickly though, giving you ample opportunity to just observe what was going on . Both right in front of you… and what the hell was going on in your head. Because to be honest it was an overwhelming amount of emotion thoughts for the early morning. 

Somehow you must’ve eventually drifted off once again because the next thing you were aware of was a shuffling from immediately next to you. This time though, you were instantly aware of exactly the situation you found yourself in and chose to keep up the pretence of sleep - a little interested in how Harry would play it. 

You heard a small gasp, having to suppress a chuckle at what you imagined Harry’s sleepy and panicked face looked like. That lasted a couple of moments, before you felt him painstakingly slowly peel his hand from your waist and if you were being 100% honest… you heart sort of sank. 

What you had been expecting?- you don’t know and really there was really no reason to be disappointed. Yet, you still felt this deflated and disappointed feeling, hit your chest especially hard. Perhaps it was because of your focus on that emptyness that you forgot you were supposed to be pretending to be asleep./.

Because when he had delicately brushed the side of your face to tuck a rogue bit of hair behind your ear - your eyes flickered open.  Like a rabbit caught in headlights, Harry froze, his hand still hovering over your jaw. Equally, you didn’t know what to do. Because really… do friends tuck hair behind the others ears? And do friends look at each other with this matched expression of confusion and fear? 

It took a painfully long time (though in reality was probably only a matter of seconds) before the boy retracted his hand, suddenly sitting up from his reclined position down at you. Mirroring his actions, you both ended up sitting, facing the opposite wall, bodies closer than they needed to be in the double bed. Both still very much in the middle. 

“I er-“

“-No no don’t… was nice of you” He had been about to apologise which you didn’t want to hear. You didn’t want to hear ‘ I didn’t mean it’ - you wanted him to mean it. In response Harry nodded jerkily, and from your peripheries, noticed he was searching your face for any sign of emotion.

“Still can’t believe this all happened… I-I didn’t disturb you too much did I?” He sounded really nervous. You were never like this with each other. So static and forced. 

“No no… I slept really good actually.” Your register was quieter, waiting till you’d finished speaking before looking over at him with a self conscious smile. 

“Ah I’m glad… I um-I did too.” The silence returned and the atmosphere just felt sharp. It felt like you were quite literally walking either side of a knife edge. It made you chew on your bottom lip, playing with the slightly frayed edges of the vintage quilt. 

“Y/n- I look…” He’d bolted upright and voice was more raised than normal for the morning. “This is gonna sound so fucking weird, especially cos we’re literally in the same bed but... but I was thinking we could maybe go on a hike or something together?” What he seemed to be suggesting didn’t match the level of panic that was conveyed in his body language which confused you. And what the bed had to do with it… was yet to make sense in your head. 

“I think Andrew said we’re getting some tour of island this afternoon so-“

“ I kinda meant just you and me.” 

The penny dropped and it had you focusing all energy on processing what was happening - understandably causing Harry to only worry more with the lack of response. “I’m sorry if I’ve ruined ever-“

“No I-I….I’d really like that too.”

“Oh er… well… really?” The sheer shock made you giggle, feeling the two of you sliding back into the normal dynamic.

“Normally a boy has to buy me a drink before he gets in my bed but….” A mischevious smirk that spread across your lips gave Harry the final confirmation that just maybe you were interested too, making him scoff and quietly chuckle.

It was odd; mainly because this was the two of you being incredibly vulnerable and honest with each other - something that you hadn’t allowed yourself to be for fear of messing things up. And then one lazy morning, both with morning breath and slightly puffy eyes, it changed. For the first time when you looked at him, he really saw - and vice versa. You were still in the middle of something, yet it was completely different. 

This time you were in the middle together figuratively as well as literally. In the middle of the bed, closer than you needed to be, but not wanting to retreat - while you both just looked shyly and bashfully at each… Eventually you lips hesitantly met in the middle. 

[sodone-withlife]

i know who i am

summary: really, he never saw himself ever willingly letting anyone in on his broken past, but here he was, sitting in across from Waipo in the tiny cramped office at the back of the shop and nervously sweating about what he was about to tell her

read it on ao3: chapter 1 is the original version with Mandarin, chapter 2 has everything translated into English

the movie really hit me hard as an ABC, and I really wanted to write something for it. even though she barely had any screentime, I loved Waipo—she reminds me of so many of my relatives—so I decided to make her be one of the most important people in Shangqi’s life, and it turned into this wonderful mess (i had to stop writing this for a bit because I literally made myself cry). there is mandarin in this, it's kind of intended to be a physical manifestation of how my bilingual brain works (i did put the English-only version first, the original version with Mandarin is under that one but the formatting for it one is better on ao3, so i suggest reading it from there). apologies for my shitty mandarin; I have mediocre language skills, but I'm still so excited to be able to incorporate it in my writing. in regards to the character's names: I only know for certain the Chinese characters used for Shangqi and Wenwu, but for Xialing, I'm going to go with what it apparently was in the hong kong release (夏灵, with 灵灵 as the nickname)

English Translation:

“Waipo, do you have a bit of time?” Shangqi stood in front of Katy’s grandma, fidgeting nervously as fluent Mandarin rolled off of his tongue with an ease he's never felt in any other part of his life. “I want to talk to you about something."

She pinned him with a knowing stare. “Does it have anything to do with the trip you and Katy went on this past week?" she asked, Not waiting for his answer, she got up from the shop register and beckoned him into the back office. Feeling oddly like the first time he came into the store years ago as a teen—when he first met Katy’s family who had since taken him under their wing—he followed her into the familiar, cramped space.

He wasn’t exactly sure what within him prompted this interaction. He had come to San Francisco for a normal life, to get as far away from his father’s reaches as he could and to outrun the blood that stained his footsteps.

Never did Shangqi imagine that he would end up claiming the ancient rings that now sat in a heavy-duty (thanks to Xialing, with whom he now keeps in regular contact because of the promise they made to each other before he left the compound because he already left her behind once, and he’s never doing it again damn, my baby sister is running the Ten Rings now, and she’s trying to turn it into something better) and a very well-disguised (thanks to the sorcerers in the New York Sanctum and holy shit he’s in contact with famous superheroes now) back in his mess of a studio apartment.

Never did he imagine letting anyone in on his broken past, and even though his hand had been forced when it came to telling Katy, here he was going to the second person who truly saw something in him when he first started his new life and planning to tell them everything.

(Okay, fine, Shangqi wasn’t actually planning on letting anyone else in on it after telling Waipo, not even the rest of Katy’s family, but he really didn’t want them to be so involved yet—he still had no idea what he himself was doing and he wants to preserve what normalcy he can.)

(Also, he’s been reliably informed that anyone close to a public figure is bound to be targeted for attacks—which he figured out when the mercenaries attacked on the bus because yes, Lingling, he does have brain cells thank you very much.)

“Little Dragon, what’s on your mind?”

Little Dragon.

He started at the nickname, the one originally given to him by his mother. Somehow, it had completely slipped his mind that Waipo also called him that, starting a few weeks after he first met the Chen family. He barely kept it together, the long-unused nickname dredging up memories he had thought left him forever.

You have the heart of a dragon, she had declared firmly when he asked her why she decided on that particular nickname.

(That was exactly what his mother had told him right before she died, and yet he stood by, hidden behind a door, and did nothing while the men beat and killed her, the heart of the family.)

(He would carry the guilt with him for a lifetime.)

It was a while before he could bring himself to visit the family again—there were a lot of awkward excuses before Katy reluctantly backed off—and it took even longer for him to get somewhat used to the name again, but he eventually started seeing it as a gift with each faint impression of happier days that he got every time Waipo called him that.

Old, weathered hands gently covered his own, which were shaking and clammy with nervousness. Shangqi wondered how Waipo would react to the darker side of the lost boy she had basically adopted all those years ago, wondered if the legends of Ta-Lo and the Great Protector were known outside of the rather insular communities that continued to tell the stories, wondered if she had heard about his father through the stories that were passed down for thousands of years, from generation to generation…

(It can’t be wrong to miss him, can it? Even with the years of hell Wenwu had put him through, he was still his father. Shangqi still faintly remembered the man his father had been when his mother was still alive, the happy times they shared as a normal family…)

(But those times were long gone, ripped from their grasp by the past Wenwu wanted so badly to leave behind. Grief had shattered the whole family, and it ultimately led to the children fighting the father who had been driven to near madness in his denial, in his quest to put his broken family back together again.)

Mom, I miss you so much.

(And now Wenwu is dead, just like his beloved wife.)

(But just as she died to protect her children, he did the same. Now, his children are reunited and in contact again, getting ever closer despite living as far apart as they did, and he was reunited with his love in the afterlife.)

Finally, he straightened his posture and took a deep breath, looking directly at Waipo, who he’d come to view as the grandmother he never had.

“Waipo, have you heard of the legend of the Ten Rings?”

And Shangqi told her everything.

He told her everything and more,

She listened.

She listened as he described the legends behind the Ten Rings, Ta-Lo, and the Great Protector; his father’s history; his own history, from witnessing his mother’s death to ripping open the throat of the man who killed her when he was barely a teen, from leaving Lingling behind to seeing her again in the fight club she built from the ground up, from returning to the compound after a decade away in San Francisco to the battle in Ta-Lo…

Finally, he fell silent and stared at his hands but it wasn’t long before Waipo moved, slowly standing up with one hand on her cane. He made to help stabilize her but was quickly waved off with a stern look. He sank back into the chair and felt her move behind him. The shaky weight of her hands on his shoulders as she gently pressed down and straightened his posture was familiar, even after years of not having his posture deliberately—so gently—fixed like that every time he saw Waipo.

“You are the legacy of all who came before you, but you are your own person.” she finally said gently, and the tension in his shoulders slowly loosened under her familiar touch. “You decide your own fate.”

~~~

That night, Shangqi knelt before the altar he had in his apartment, the only part that was carefully maintained in all the years he had lived there. But now, two smiling faces stared back at him, a joy reflected in their eyes that he knew would disappear in less than ten years after the photo was taken.

Am I still your pride and joy? Lingling grew up, but I didn’t even take care of her like I should have.

I swear to you, I will never abandon her again

Even as his life got even more unbelievable as the years went by, the altar and his copy of his parent’s wedding photo would remain a constant. He and Lingling dove deeper into their family history—of the Ten Rings, of Ta-Lo, of both the good and bad—and both worked to carry on their parents’ legacy.

(With all of the proper discretion agreements and threats when needed, of course.)

Lingling is dating my best friend now, and they’re so happy together. Mom, I know you would have loved Katy. Dad, I know you didn’t like her much, but she really is a wonderful person.

Life went on.

There were the good days, when he went out with others and could almost feel normal, and there were the bad days, when phantoms pains plagued him and he woke up from a restless sleep expecting to see bruises mottling his body like they did so often when he was younger.

(Also, he was considered a superhero now and holy shit that’s still insane, even years after he first got in contact with the Avengers and the sorcerers in New York. Now he was going all over the West Coast, to help the locals take care of whichever crazy supervillain decided to wreak havoc that day.)

Dad, I hope you find this story as funny as I did: I helped a group of American superheroes yesterday. They’ve never been to San Francisco before and were extremely unfamiliar with the roads, especially Lombard Street. They spent half an hour trying to drive down the street, but I ended up driving them down myself.

(San Francisco was still home, and he had found a life there with all his friends and Xialing whenever she visited. He had a job now, too, at the local youth center teaching martial arts and self-defense, teaching and guiding the youth in a way he wishes his father had with him.)

People came into his life; some stayed, some left, and some even got together.

Mom, Dad, Lingling and Katy are getting married today and everyone is so excited for them. I’m taking over the Ten Ring within a month so Lingling can take a break. She’s led the organization for so long, it’s my responsibility now. I hope I can live up to her standards, she’s done really well. She’ll be back in a few years, but even after, I’m going to be much more involved to lessen Lingling’s workload.

Shangqi walked the path knowing who came before him and who was still with him.

Most importantly, he walked the path knowing who he was—demons, flaws, strengths, and all.

Mom, Dad, don’t worry. I’ll take care of them.

I hope you’re happy together in the afterlife.

~~~

Don’t be afraid, Shang-Chi, for you have heart of a dragon and the power of the Ten Rings.

We will always be with you and Xialing.

Original Version w/Mandarin

“外婆，您有没有一点儿时间？” 尚气 stood in front of Katy’s grandma, fidgeting nervously. “我想告诉您一些事情。”

She pinned him with a knowing stare. “是不是跟你和瑞雯这前个星期去的旅行有关？” Not waiting for his answer, she got up from the shop register and beckoned him into the back office. Feeling oddly like the first time he came into the store years ago as a teen—when he first met Katy’s family who had since taken him under their wing—he followed her into the familiar, cramped space.

He wasn’t exactly sure what within him prompted this interaction. He had come to San Francisco for a normal life, to get as far away from his father’s reaches as he could and to outrun the blood that stained his footsteps.

Never did 尚气 imagine that he would end up claiming the ancient rings that now sat in a heavy-duty (thanks to 夏灵, with whom he now keeps in regular contact because of the promise they made to each other before he left the compound because he already left her behind once, and he’s never doing it again and damn, my baby sister is running the Ten Rings now, and she’s trying to turn it into something better) and a very well-disguised (thanks to the sorcerers in the New York Sanctum and holy shit he’s in contact with famous superheroes now) back in his mess of a studio apartment.

Never did he imagine letting anyone in on his broken past, and even though his hand had been forced when it came to telling Katy, here he was going to the second person who truly saw something in him when he first started his new life and planning to tell them everything.

(Okay, fine, 尚气 wasn’t actually planning on letting anyone else in on it after telling 外婆, not even the rest of Katy’s family, but he really didn’t want them to be so involved yet—he still had no idea what he himself was doing and he wants to preserve what normalcy he can.)

(Also, he’s been reliably informed that anyone close to a public figure is bound to be targeted for attacks—which he figured out when the mercenaries attacked on the bus because yes, 灵灵, he does have brain cells thank you very much.)

“小龙，你有什么心事儿？”

Little Dragon.

He started at the nickname, the one originally given to him by his mother. Somehow, it had completely slipped his mind that 外婆 also called him that, starting a few weeks after he first met the Chen family. He barely kept it together, the long-unused nickname dredging up memories he had thought left him forever.

你有神龙之心 ，she had declared firmly when he asked her why she decided on that particular nickname. You have the heart of a dragon.

(That was exactly what his mother had told him right before she died, and yet he stood by, hidden behind a door, and did nothing while the men beat and killed her, the heart of the family.)

(He would carry the guilt with him for a lifetime.)

It was a while before he could bring himself to visit the family again—there were a lot of awkward excuses before Katy reluctantly backed off—and it took even longer for him to get somewhat used to the name again, but he eventually started seeing it as a gift with each faint impression of happier days that he got every time 外婆 called him that.

Old, weathered hands gently covered his own, which were shaking and clammy with nervousness. 尚气 wondered how 外婆 would react to the darker side of the lost boy she had basically adopted all those years ago, wondered if the legends of Ta-Lo and the Great Protector were known outside of the rather insular communities that continued to tell the stories, wondered if she had heard about his father through the stories that were passed down for thousands of years, from generation to generation…

(It can’t be wrong to miss him, can it? Even with the years of hell 文武 had put him through, he was still his father. 尚气 still faintly remembered the man his father had been when his mother was still alive, the happy times they shared as a normal family…)

(But those times were long gone, ripped from their grasp by the past 文武 wanted so badly to leave behind. Grief had shattered whole family, and it ultimately led to the children fighting the father who had been driven to near madness in his denial, in his quest to put his broken family back together again.)

妈妈，我太想你了。

(And now 文武 is dead, just like his beloved wife.)

(But just as she died to protect her children, he did the same. Now, his children are reunited and in contact again, getting ever closer despite living as far apart as they did, and he was reunited with his love in the afterlife.)

Finally, he straightened his posture and took a deep breath, looking directly at 外婆, who he’d come to view as the grandmother he never had.

“外婆，您听说过 ‘十环’ 的传说吗？”

And 尚气 told her everything.

He told her everything and more,

She listened.

She listened as he described the legends behind the Ten Rings, Ta-Lo, and the Great Protector; his father’s history; his own history, from witnessing his mother’s death to ripping open the throat of the man who killed her when he was barely a teen, from leaving 灵灵 behind to seeing her again in the fight club she built from the ground up, from returning to the compound after a decade away in San Francisco to the battle in Ta-Lo…

Finally, he fell silent and stared at his hands but it wasn’t long before 外婆 moved, slowly standing up with one hand on her cane. He made to help stabilize her but was quickly waved off with a stern look. He sank back into the chair and felt her move behind him. The shaky weight of her hands on his shoulders as she gently pressed down and straightened his posture was familiar, even after years of not having his posture deliberately—so gently—fixed like that every time he saw 外婆.

“你是所有在你之前的人的遗产，但你是你自己的人，” she finally said，“你决定你自己的命运。”

You are the legacy of all who came before you, but you are your own person. You decide your own fate.

~~~

That night, 尚气 knelt before the altar he had in his apartment, the only part that was carefully maintained in all the years he had lived there. But now, two smiling faces stared back at him, a joy reflected in their eyes that he knew would disappear in less than ten years after the photo was taken.

我还是你的骄傲吗？灵灵长大了，但我也没好好照顾她。

我向你发誓，我再也不会抛弃她。

Even as his life got even more unbelievable as the years went by, the altar and his copy of his parent’s wedding photo would remain a constant. He and 灵灵 dove deeper into their family history—of the Ten Rings, of Ta-Lo, of both the good and bad—and both worked to carry on their family’s legacy.

(With all of the proper discretion agreements and threats when needed, of course.)

灵灵跟我朋友最近开始谈恋爱，他们俩可开心了。妈，如果你还在我们身边，我保证你会喜欢她。爸，我知道你一开始不太喜欢她，但她确实是一位精彩的人。

Life went on.

There were the good days, when he went out with others and could almost feel normal, and there were the bad days, when phantoms pains plagued him and he woke up from a restless sleep expecting to see bruises mottling his body like they did so often when he was younger.

(Also, he was considered a superhero now and holy shit that’s still insane, even years after he first got in contact with the Avengers and the sorcerers in New York. Now he was going all over the West Coast, to help the locals take care of whichever crazy supervillain decided to wreak havoc that day.)

爸爸，我希望你跟我一样觉得这个故事很好笑：我昨天帮了一组美国超级英雄开车。那是他们第一次来旧京山，对道路非常陌生—尤其是 Lombard Street。他们开也开不好，花了半个小时慢慢的开下去。最终，我把他们的车开下去的。

(San Francisco was still home, and he had found a life there with all his friends and 夏灵 whenever she visited. He had a job now, too, at the local youth center teaching martial arts and self-defense, teaching and guiding the youth in a way he wishes his father had with him.)

People came into his life; some stayed, some left, and some even got together.

妈，爸，灵灵她今天会跟我最好的朋友结婚，我们都很兴奋。我一个月之内开始接管十环的业务，让灵灵休息休息。她干了多少年了，现在是我的责任。我希望我能辜负她，她管的非常棒，帮了许多人。她几年后会回来继续当领导，但我好像在领导方面发挥更大的作用。

He walked the path knowing who came before him and who was still with him.

Most importantly, he walked the path knowing who he was—demons, flaws, strengths, and all.

妈，爸，你们放心吧，我会照顾他们。

我希望你们俩来世都幸福。

~~~

尚气，你别怕，你有神龙之心，十环的力量。

我们永远会在你和灵灵的身边。

[i-know-my-value-darling]

Supernatural stars reflect on the show's undying legacy

Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles, and Misha Collins discuss 15 years of fantasy, family, and flannel. 

"We only get one shot at this." Sam and Dean Winchester are surrounded. The monster-hunting brothers are standing on the edge of a cliff. They look to Castiel, their brother in arms — or is it wings? — but even he can’t help. One move in the wrong direction could ruin everything. After years of fighting demons, going toe-to- toe with Satan himself, and saving the world multiple times, they once again find themselves in a position of having to perform under pressure. But this situation is unlike anything they’ve ever dealt with before. All eyes are on them as they have one shot…at getting the perfect picture.

It’s a dry, hot August day in Malibu — when people were still allowed to gather outside — as Supernatural stars Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, and Misha Collins prepare for the last setup of their final Entertainment Weekly cover shoot. With a bottle of champagne in each of their hands, Ackles once again reminds them they get “one shot” to do this right. But if their characters can shoulder the weight of the world, surely these three can handle a photo. Read the whole story below

The champagne soaking is meant to be a celebration of 15 years, of making television history. Supernatural, the story of two brothers destined to save the world, is the longest-running genre show in the history of American broadcast television. (So old, the first three seasons shot on this thing called film.) What started as an underdog story, living its first few years on the verge of cancellation, has become an institution, a milestone to which other shows aspire. Supernatural not only survived the move from The WB to The CW after its first season — it’s now the final WB show left standing — but became the backbone of the now highly successful CW network. Over the years, the sci-fi series has aired on every weeknight, helping to launch shows including Arrow and The Vampire Diaries. The network moved it one final time, most recently, to Mondays, to help Roswell, New Mexico expand its audience. “Supernatural is a major link to many of the shows that we have successfully built to market,” The CW’s chairman and CEO Mark Pedowitz says. “Almost every one of our shows has had it as a lead-out or a lead-in.”

And to think, it all started as a promise to bring horror to television. After Supernatural creator Eric Kripke had finished working with Warner Bros. on 2003’s Tarzan series, he pitched the idea of a reporter who travels around hunting urban legends. As he puts it, it was a Kolchak: The Night Stalker rip-off. But when he realized the story would benefit from having brothers at its core, he started writing. “At the time, The Ring and The Grudge were huge hits in theaters,” Kripke remembers. “We said, ‘We’re going to take that experience and we’re going to put it on TV,’ and the initial goal was to be scary.” After Warner Bros. passed on his first, what he calls “uptight,” draft, Kripke had to reassess the kind of show he was creating. “I canceled all my Christmas plans and wrote that second draft in three weeks,” he says. “That was when the show got its sense of humor, because I was locked alone, over winter break, in my office. I couldn’t do anything fun, so I started entertaining myself.”

The show was still scary, but it was also funny and, over the years, would continue to evolve. Sure, you could say it’s a little bit X-Files — in its early days, the show often used the line “The X-Files meets Route 66” — and there were definite Star Wars influences (Sam and Dean were originally based on Luke Skywalker and Han Solo). But no combination of pop culture is going to perfectly describe Supernatural because the show has managed to do something remarkably rare in the age of peak TV, where audiences are so overwhelmed with content that an original idea seems foreign: It’s created a truly one-of- a-kind experience.

For starters, it’s a show about two flannel-wearing, beer-loving, blue-collar dudes from Kansas who for a good chunk of their lives traveled from cheap motel to cheap motel, paying for gas and greasy diner food with a mix of fake credit cards and money they earned scamming people at the pool table. “Almost all television is about rich people or, at the very least, middle-class people,” co-showrunner Andrew Dabb says. “The fact that we’ve been able to take this Midwestern blue-collar approach to this genre feels like we’re breaking the mold.”

But the mold-breaking didn’t stop there. Supernatural might’ve started out as a horror show with some snarky one-liners, but it evolved into some of the boldest, most experimental (and certainly strangest) stories on the small screen. “We’re a show of big swings,” co-showrunner Robert Singer says. “I used to say, with every idea, ‘This will be a home run or they’ll cancel us,’ but every year we wanted to do something really nuts." And when he says nuts, we’re not just talking about the episode with the talking teddy bear or the murderer targeting imaginary friends. Those are just some standard monsters of the week. We’re talking about the black-and-white episode shot like a classic Hollywood monster movie, or the episode that introduced Chuck (Rob Benedict), a prophet — who’d later reveal himself to be God — who was famous for writing a book series called Supernatural. That, of course, led to Sam and Dean attending a Supernatural fan convention as the show continued to redefine what it meant to inject a series with meta humor. And the swings never stopped. Season 13 featured a Scooby-Doo crossover as an animated Sam, Dean, and Castiel solved a case alongside the Mystery Inc. gang. And in season 14, after giving God a sister a few years prior, the show made the Big Man Himself its final villain. “I don’t think any idea, barring some production concerns, has been viewed as too crazy,” Dabb says. “Because we know that our fans are smart and that they’ll follow these guys anywhere.”

So long as each episode features Sam and Dean — and the occasional heartfelt talk on the hood of the Impala — the show can do just about anything, which is another reason Kripke had to rewrite his first draft of the pilot. Originally, Dean was the only brother who knew about monsters growing up, bringing Sam up to speed later in life. It wasn’t until Kripke figured out that they needed to be in this together that the series snapped into place. Because at the end of it all, they’re two brothers bonded by the loss of their mother and a life spent on the road with an absentee father. (It just so happens that their mother was killed by a demon and their father hunted them.) The familial dynamic — the irrational codependency, as the angel Zachariah (Kurt Fuller) once called it — is the most important part of the show. “The first inkling I had that we had something special was shooting the pilot,” Kripke says. “It was the scene on the bridge when Sam and Dean talk about their mother. It was the first time that you really saw their chemistry and their connection as brothers on full display. Because I’ve always said this show begins and ends with whether you believe that sibling relationship.” But Sam and Dean weren’t just the center of the show. For many years, they were the show.

Supernatural has never been an ensemble drama. For the first 82 hours of the series, Ackles and Padalecki were the only long-running series regulars — Katie Cassidy and Lauren Cohan briefly joined for season 3, appearing in 12 episodes combined. But Sam and Dean weren’t just in every episode; they anchored every episode. (They skipped table reads because there would’ve been only two actors there.) “I had many moments of not only questioning, ‘Can I keep this up?’ but an answer of ‘I cannot keep this up,’ ” Padalecki, 37, who’s been vocal about his struggle in the early seasons, says. “I borrowed strength from Jensen.” But even Ackles, 42, admits it was a tough job. “The 23-episode seasons were nine and a half months of filming,” he adds. “It was a lot of work, but I always came back to: I still enjoy it, I still like telling the story, I still like these characters and the people I work with.”

Not only did the guys stick around, they built a reputation of having created one of the warmest sets in the business, with a number of crew members staying with the production all 15 seasons. It all dates back to a talk Kripke had with his stars during the filming of the series’ second episode. “I said, ‘The show is about your two characters, and with that comes this responsibility,’ ” Kripke says. Padalecki remembers the exact setting of what he calls their “Good Will Hunting moment,” a bench in Stanley Park in Vancouver, where they film. It was a chat both actors took to heart. “We’d both been on other sets,” Ackles says. “We knew we wanted to enjoy it, to have fun with our crew; we wanted them to like us and us to like them and to have fun doing what we do.” It’s an attitude Pedowitz hopes bleeds into other CW shows, an attitude that launched an annual tradition where the CW chairman/CEO takes his new casts out to dinner with the Supernatural guys, a chance for the vets to share advice. “It’s always the most flattering situation,” Padalecki says, recalling a moment he had a few years back with the late Luke Perry, who was a part of the Riverdale cast. “Luke was sitting next to me and he was like, ‘What y’all have done and what we hear about you guys, it’s really cool to be associated with y’all in some way, shape, or form,’” he recalls. “And I’m sitting there pinching myself.”

It’s a behind-the-scenes legacy that’s perhaps just as impressive, if not more so, than the onscreen legacy. Collins, 45, who started as a guest star and the show’s first angel in season 4, has become the show’s third-longest-running series regular, and he still remembers walking onto set his first day. “When you’re coming onto a show as a guest star, it can be a little bit nerve-racking,” Collins says. “Coming to this set, it was an immediately different vibe. Think- ing about working on other shows in the future, that’s something that I aspire to bring with me.”

A similar reputation extends to the fans as well. Not only is the #SPNFamily one of the most dedicated fandoms out there, it’s also known to be a pretty nice one. (Not many fandoms can say they’ve helped launch a crisis support network for their fellow fans.) But their dedication isn’t just about seeing what crazy twist God throws at Team Free Will next. Thanks to fan conventions and social media, the viewers are just as invested in the lives of the actors. Supernatural’s not just about the words on the page, it’s about the actors saying them. “When you’re dealing with the public taste, there’s an alchemy of great writing, a great idea, and the close-up that’s required,” Peter Roth, chairman of Warner Bros. Television Group, says. “You need stars who you want in your living room.” And you need stars who want to be in your living room, and who, even after 15 years, care so deeply that they get emotional while taking photos in Malibu.

"It's going to be a long eight months," Ackles declares. Standing on that same ledge, an hour before the champagne shot, Ackles, Padalecki, and Collins walk away from a group hug after unexpectedly starting to tear up. It might be the setting — looking out over the ocean — or the occasion: their last-ever photo shoot. Or maybe it’s the fact that they’re almost a month into filming their final season.

It had been a question posed to the stars for years: How long will this show continue? How long can it continue? “Even my mom and dad were like, ‘When are you going to be done with this?’” Ackles says with a laugh. It was a decision the network and studio had ultimately put into the actors’ hands, and it was a conversation they’d been having for a while. Back in 2016, Padalecki told EW, “If we don’t make it to [episode] 300, I think Ackles and I will both be truly bummed.” But in season 14, they hit 300…and then kept going. While filming episode 307, they announced the upcoming 15th season would be the end, which will bring them to a total of 327 episodes when all is said and done. “[Jared] and I were always married to the fact that we never wanted to go out with a diet version of what we had,” Ackles says. “We wanted to have enough gas left in the tank to get us racing across the finish line. We didn’t want to limp across.” Padalecki remembers the moment it hit him — not the decision to end it, but rather the opposite. “We had that moment where he and I both realized that we didn’t want it to end,” he says. “It finally got to a point, ironically, where it was like, ‘I never want to leave this. I could do this until the day I die, and then if I get the choice when I’m dead, I’ll re-up!’ But you never want to be the last person at a party. We just knew. That’s not to say there haven’t been vacillations, but we all trust the decision that was made.”

Starting in July 2019, the cast and crew returned to Vancouver to begin filming the final season, but in March 2020, with two episodes left to go, they were sent home. For years, fans had wondered what, if anything, could stop the Winchesters, and now it seems we have the answer: a global pandemic. As sets closed amid social-distancing measures due to the spread of COVID-19, it didn’t take long for fans to start connecting the dots, sharing relevant GIFs from episodes that featured viruses, most notably Chuck telling Dean to hoard toilet paper “like it’s made of gold” before the end of the world in season 5’s “The End.” (Did we mention that Supernatural is also kind of psychic? In a season 6 episode, Dean calls Sam “Walker, Texas Ranger,” which just so happens to be the role Padalecki has lined up after this ends.)

When production paused, it all felt a little like we were living in an episode of the show, just waiting for Sam and Dean to drive up in Baby, open those creaky doors, and save us. They might not be able to do quite that, but the thing with the Winchesters is that they never stay down for long. When Supernatural is able to safely resume production, it will. And though there are only two episodes left to film, fans will enjoy a total of seven unseen hours, including the return of Charlie (Felicia Day) and a mystery woman who visits the bunker and, for some reason, gives Sam and Dean all the holidays they never got to celebrate. “She makes Christmas for them and Thanksgiving, birthday parties, and all that. It’s a very good episode,” Singer says, adding, “I don’t know when it’s going to air.”

That’s the thing—no one knows, not even the guys who took out Yellow Eyes, stopped Leviathans, defeated Death himself, and are supposedly destined to be the messengers of God’s destruction. But Sam and Dean do know the value of a good plan B. “Obviously it’s a horribly unfortunate situation we’re in, but the silver lining is that it gives us an opportunity to recharge,” Ackles says. “We had just finished episode 18, we shot one day of episode 19, and I was reading these two monster scripts thinking, ‘It’s like we’re at the end of a marathon and they want us to sprint for the last two miles.’ I feel like this almost gives us an opportunity to refocus and go into the last two episodes and hit them with everything we got.” Because when they do return to set, shave their quarantine beards, and step back into Sam and Dean’s shoes for the last time, they’ll have one shot at ending this thing…and they’re determined not to miss. 

Photos: Peggy Sirota for EW 

https://ew.com/tv/supernatural-stars-cover-ew-to-reflect-on-the-shows-undying-legacy/

[grigori77]

2020 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 3)

10.  WOLFWALKERS – eleven years ago, Irish director Tomm Moore exploded onto the animated cinema scene with The Secret of Kells, a spellbinding feature debut which captivated audiences the world over and even garnered an Oscar nomination.  Admittedly I didn’t actually even know about it until I discovered his work through his astonishing follow-up, Song of the Sea (another Academy Award nominee), in 2015, so when I finally caught it I was already a fan of Moore’s work.  It’s been a similarly long wait for his third feature, but he’s genuinely pulled off a hat-trick, delivering a third flawless film in a row which OF COURSE means that his latest feature is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my top animated feature of 2020.  I could even be tempted to say it’s his best work to date … this is an ASTONISHING film, a work of such breath-taking, spell-binding beauty that I spent its entire hour and three-quarters glued to the screen, simple mesmerised by the wonder and majesty of this latest iteration of the characteristically stylised “Cartoon Saloon” look.  It’s also liberally steeped in Moore’s trademark Celtic vibe and atmosphere, once again delving deep into his homeland’s rich and evocative cultural history and mythology while also bringing us something far more original and personal – this time the titular supernatural beings are magical near-human beings whose own subconscious can assume the form of very real wolves.  Set in a particularly dark time in Irish history – namely 1650, when Oliver Cromwell was Lord Protector – the story follows Robyn (Honor Kneafsey, probably best known for the Christmas Prince films), the impetuous and spirited young daughter of English hunter Bill Goodfellowe (Sean Bean), brought in by the Protectorate to rid the city of Kilkenny of the wolves plaguing the area.  One day fate intervenes and Robyn meets Mebh Og MacTire (The Girl at the End of the Garden‘s Eve Whittaker), a wild girl living in the woods, whose accidental bite gives her strange dreams in which she becomes a wolf – turns out Mebh is a wolfwalker, and now so is Robyn … every aspect of this film is an utter triumph for Moore and co, who have crafted a work of living, breathing cinematic art that’s easily the equal to (if not even better than) the best that Disney, Dreamworks or any of the other animation studios could create.  Then there’s the excellent voice cast – Bean brings fatherly warmth and compassion to the role that belies his character’s intimidating size, while Kneafsey and Whittaker make for a sweet and sassy pair as they bond in spite of powerful cultural differences, and the masterful Simon McBurney (Harry Potter, Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy) brings cool, understated menace to the role of Cromwell himself.  This is a film with plenty of emotional heft to go with its marvels, and once again displays the welcome dark side which added particular spice to Moore’s previous films, but ultimately this is still a gentle and heartfelt work of wonder that makes for equally suitable viewing for children as for those who are still kids at heart – ultimately, then, this is another triumph for one of the most singularly original filmmakers working in animation today, and if Wolfwalkers doesn’t make it third time lucky come Oscars-time then there’s no justice in the world …

9.  WONDER WOMAN 1984 – probably the biggest change for 2020 compared to pretty much all of the past decade is how different the fortunes of superhero cinema turned out to be.  A year earlier the Marvel Cinematic Universe had dominated all, but the DC Extended Universe still got a good hit in with big surprise hit Shazam!  Fast-forward to now and things are VERY different – DC suddenly came out in the lead, but only because Marvel’s intended heavy-hitters (two MCU movies, the first Venom sequel and potential hot-shit new franchise starter Morbius: the Living Vampire) found themselves continuously pushed back thanks to (back then) unforeseen circumstances which continue to shit all over our theatre-going slate for the immediate future.  In the end DC’s only SERIOUS competition turned out to be NETFLIX … never mind, at least we got ONE big established superhero blockbuster into the cinemas before the end of the year that the whole family could enjoy, and who better to headline it than DC’s “newest” big screen megastar, Diana Prince? Back in 2017 Monster’s Ball director Patty Jenkins’ monumental DCEU standalone spectacularly realigned the trajectory of a cinematic franchise that was visibly flagging, redesigning the template for the series’ future which has since led to some (mostly) consistently impressive subsequent offerings.  Needless to say it was a damn tough act to follow, but Jenkins and co-writers Geoff Johns (Arrow and The Flash) and David Callaham (The Expendables, Zombieland: Double Tap, future MCU entry Shang-Chi & the Legend of the Ten Rings) have risen to the challenge in fine style, delivering something which pretty much equals that spectacular franchise debut … as has Gal Gadot, who’s now OFFICIALLY made the role her own thanks to yet another showstopping and definitive performance as the unstoppable Amazonian goddess living amongst us.  She’s older and wiser than in the first film, but still hasn’t lost that forthright honesty and wonderfully pure heart we’ve come to love ever since her introduction in Zack Snyder’s troublesome but ultimately underrated Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (yes, that’s right, I said it!), and Gadot’s clear, overwhelming commitment to the role continues to pay off magnificently as she once again proves that Diana is THE VERY BEST superhero in the DCEU cinematic pantheon.  Although it takes place several decades after its predecessor, WW84 is, obviously, still very much a period piece, Jenkins and co this time perfectly capturing the sheer opulent and over-the-top tastelessness of the 1980s in all its big-haired, bad-suited, oversized shoulder-padded glory while telling a story that encapsulates the greedy excessiveness of the Reagan era, perfectly embodied in the film’s nominal villain, Max Lord (The Mandalorian himself, Pedro Pascal), a wishy-washy wannabe oil tycoon conman who chances upon a supercharged wish-rock and unleashes a devastating supernatural “monkey’s paw” upon the world. To say any more would give away a whole raft of spectacular twists and turns that deserve to be enjoyed good and cold, although they did spoil one major surprise in the trailer when they teased the return of Diana’s first love, Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) … needless to say this is another big blockbuster bursting with big characters, big action and BIG IDEAS, just what we’ve come to expect after Wonder Woman’s first triumphant big screen adventure.  Interestingly, the film starts out feeling like it’s going to be a bubbly, light, frothy affair – after a particularly stunning all-action opening flashback to Diana’s childhood on Themyscira, the film proper kicks off with a bright and breezy atmosphere that feels a bit like the kind of Saturday morning cartoon action the consistently impressive set-pieces take such unfettered joy in parodying, but as the stakes are raised the tone grows darker and more emotionally potent, the storm clouds gathering for a spectacularly epic climax that, for once, doesn’t feel too overblown or weighed down by its visual effects, while the intelligent script has unfathomable hidden depths to it, making us think far more than these kinds of blockbusters usually do.  It’s really great to see Chris Pine return since he was one of the best things about the first movie, and his lovably childlike wide-eyed wonder at this brave new world perfectly echoes Diana’s own last time round; Kristen Wiig, meanwhile, is pretty phenomenal throughout as Dr Barbara Minerva, the initially geeky and timid nerd who discovers an impressive inner strength but ultimately turns into a superpowered apex predator as she becomes one of Wonder Woman’s most infamous foes, the Cheetah; Pascal, of course, is clearly having the time of his life hamming it up to the hilt as Lord, playing gloriously against his effortlessly cool, charismatic action hero image to deliver a compellingly troubling examination of the monstrous corrupting influence of absolute power.  Once again, though, the film truly belongs to Gadot – she looks amazing, acts her socks off magnificently, and totally rules the movie.  After this, a second sequel is a no-brainer, because Wonder Woman remains the one DC superhero who’s truly capable of bearing the weight of this particular cinematic franchise on her powerful shoulders – needless to say, it’s already been greenlit, and with both Jenkins and Gadot onboard, I’m happy to sign up for more too …

8.  LOVE & MONSTERS – with the cinemas continuing their frustrating habit of opening for a little while and then closing while the pandemic ebbed and flowed in the months after the summer season, it was starting to look like there might not have been ANY big budget blockbusters to enjoy before year’s end as heavyweights like Black Widow, No Time To Die and Dune pulled back to potentially more certain release slots into 2021 (with only WW84 remaining stubbornly in place for Christmas).  Then Paramount decided to throw us a bone, opting to release this post-apocalyptic horror comedy on-demand in October instead, thus giving me the perfect little present to tie me over during the darkening days of autumn. The end result was a stone-cold gem that came out of nowhere to completely blow critics away, a spectacular sleeper hit that ultimately proved one of the year’s biggest and most brilliant surprises.  Director Michael Matthews may only have had South African indie thriller Five Fingers for Marseilles under his belt prior to this, but he proves he’s definitely a solid talent to watch in the future, crafting a fun and effective thrill-ride that, like all the best horror comedies, is consistently as funny as it is scary, sharing much of the same DNA as this particular mash-up genre’s classics like Tremors and Zombieland and standing up impressively well to such comparisons.  The story, penned by rising star Brian Duffield (who has TWO other entries on this list, Underwater and Spontaneous) and Matthew Robinson (The Invention of Lying, Dora & the Lost City of Gold), is also pretty ingenious and surprisingly original – a meteorite strike has unleashed weird mutagenic pathogens that warp various creepy crawly critters into gigantic monstrosities that have slaughter most of the world’s human population, leaving only a beleaguered, dwindling few to eke out a precarious living in underground colonies. Living in one such makeshift community is Joel Dawson (The Maze Runner’s Dylan O’Brien), a smart and likeable geek who really isn’t very adventurous, is extremely awkward and uncoordinated, and has a problem with freezing if threatened … which makes it all the more inexplicable when he decides, entirely against the advice of everyone he knows, to venture onto the surface so he can make the incredibly dangerous week-long trek to the neighbouring colony where his girlfriend Aimee (Iron Fist’s Jessica Henwick) has ended up.  Joel is, without a doubt, the best role that O’Brien has EVER had, a total dork who’s completely unsuited to this kind of adventure and, in the real world, sure to be eaten alive in the first five minutes, but he’s also such a fantastically believable, fallible everyman that every one of us desperate, pathetic omega-males and females can instantly put ourselves in his place, making it elementarily easy to root for him.  He’s also hilariously funny, his winningly self-deprecating sass and pitch perfect talent for physical comedy making it all the more rewarding watching each gloriously anarchic life-and-death encounter mould him into the year’s most unlikely action hero.  Henwick, meanwhile, once again impresses in a well-written role where she’s able to make a big impression despite her decidedly short screen time, as do the legendary Michael Rooker and brilliant newcomer Ariana Greenblatt as Clyde and Minnow, the adorably jaded, seen-it-all-before pair of “professional survivors” Joel meets en-route, who teach him to survive on the surface.  The action is fast, frenetic and potently visceral, the impressively realistic digital creature effects bringing a motley crew of bloodthirsty beasties to suitably blood-curdling life for the film’s consistently terrifying set-pieces, while the world-building is intricately thought-out and skilfully executed.  Altogether, this was an absolute joy from start to finish, and a film I enthusiastically endorsed to everyone I knew was looking for something fun to enjoy during the frustrating lockdown nights-in.  One of the cinematic year’s best kept secrets then, and a compelling sign of things to come for its up-and-coming director.

7.  PARASITE – I’ve been a fan of master Korean filmmaker Bong Joon-ho ever since I stumbled across his deeply weird but also thoroughly brilliant breakthrough feature The Host, and it’s a love that’s deepened since thanks to truly magnificent sci-fi actioner Snowpiercer, so I was looking forward to his latest feature as much as any movie geek, but even I wasn’t prepared for just what a runaway juggernaut of a hit this one turned out to be, from the insane box office to all that award-season glory (especially that undeniable clean-sweep at the Oscars). I’ll just come out and say it, this film deserves it all.  It’s EASILY Bong’s best film to date (which is really saying something), a masterful social satire and jet black comedy that raises some genuinely intriguing questions before delivering deeply troubling answers.  Straddling the ever-widening gulf between a disaffected idle rich upper class and impoverished, struggling lower class in modern-day Seoul, it tells the story of the Kim family – father Ki-taek (Bong’s good luck charm, Song Kang-ho), mother Chung-sook (Jang Hye-jin), son Ki-woo (Train to Busan’s Choi Woo-shik) and daughter Ki-jung (The Silenced’s Park So-dam) – a poor family living in a run-down basement apartment who live hand-to-mouth in minimum wage jobs and can barely rub two pennies together, until they’re presented with an intriguing opportunity.  Through happy chance, Ki-woon is hired as an English tutor for Park Da-hye (Jung Ji-so), the daughter of a wealthy family, which offers him the chance to recommend Ki-jung as an art tutor to the Parks’ troubled young son, Da-song (Jung Hyeon-jun). Soon the rest of the Kims are getting in on the act, the kids contriving opportunities for their father to replace Mr Park’s chauffeur and their mother to oust the family’s long-serving housekeeper, Gook Moon-gwang (Lee Jung-eun), and before long their situation has improved dramatically.  But as they two families become more deeply entwined, cracks begin to show in their supposed blissful harmony as the natural prejudices of their respective classes start to take hold, and as events spiral out of control a terrible confrontation looms on the horizon.  This is social commentary at its most scathing, Bong drawing on personal experiences from his youth to inform the razor-sharp script (co-written by his production assistant Han Jin-won), while he weaves a palpable atmosphere of knife-edged tension throughout to add spice to the perfectly observed dark humour of the situation, all the while throwing intriguing twists and turns at us before suddenly dropping such a massive jaw-dropper of a gear-change that the film completely turns on its head to stunning effect.  The cast are all thoroughly astounding, Song once again dominating the film with a turn at once sloppy and dishevelled but also poignant and heartfelt, while there are particularly noteworthy turns from Lee Sun-kyun as the Parks’ self-absorbed patriarch Dong-ik and Choi Yeo-jeong (The Concubine) as his flighty, easily-led wife Choi Yeon-gyo, as well as a fantastically weird appearance in the latter half from Park Myung-hoon.  This is heady stuff, dangerously seductive even as it becomes increasingly uncomfortable viewing, so that even as the screws tighten and everything goes to hell it’s simply impossible to look away.  Bong Joon-ho really has surpassed himself this time, delivering an existential mind-scrambler that lingers long after the credits have rolled and might even have you questioning your place in society once you’ve thought about it some. It deserves every single award and every ounce of praise it’s been lavished with, and looks set to go down as one of the true cinematic greats of this new decade.  Trust me, if this was a purely critical best-of list it’d be RIGHT AT THE TOP …

6.  THE OLD GUARD – Netflix’ undisputable TOP OFFERING of the summer came damn close to bagging the whole season, and I can’t help thinking that even if some of the stiffer competition had still been present it may well have still finished this high. Gina Prince-Blythewood (Love & Basketball, the Secret Life of Bees) directs comics legend Greg Rucka’s adaptation of his own popular series with uncanny skill and laser-focused visual flair considering there’s nothing on her previous CV to suggest she’d be THIS good at mounting a stomping great ultraviolent action thriller, ushering in a thoroughly engrossing tale of four ancient, invulnerable immortal warriors – Andy AKA Andromache of Scythia (Charlize Theron), Booker AKA Sebastian de Livre (Matthias Schoenaerts), Joe AKA Yusuf Al-Kaysani (Wolf’s Marwan Kenzari) and Nicky AKA Niccolo di Ginova (Trust’s Luca Marinelli) – who’ve been around forever, hiring out their services as mercenaries for righteous causes while jealously guarding their identities for fear of horrific experimentation and exploitation should their true natures ever be discovered.  Their anonymity is threatened, however, when they’re uncovered by former CIA operative James Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), who’s working for the decidedly dodgy pharmaceutical conglomerate run by sociopathic billionaire Steven Merrick (Harry Melling, formerly Dudley in the Harry Potter movies), who want to capture these immortals so they can patent whatever it is that makes them keep on ticking … just as a fifth immortal, US Marine Nile Freeman (If Beale Street Could Talk’s KiKi Layne), awakens after being “killed” on deployment in Afghanistan.  The supporting players are excellent, particularly Ejiofor, smart and driven but ultimately principled and deeply conflicted about what he’s doing, even if he does have the best of intentions, and Melling, the kind of loathsome, reptilian scumbag you just love to hate, but the film REALLY DOES belong to the Old Guard themselves – Schoenaerts is a master brooder, spot-on casting as the group’s relative newcomer, only immortal since the Napoleonic Wars but clearly one seriously old soul who’s already VERY tired of the lifestyle, while Joe and Nicky (who met on opposing sides of the Crusades) are simply ADORABLE, an unapologetically matter-of-fact gay couple who are sweet, sassy and incredibly kind, the absolute emotional heart of the film; it’s the ladies, however, that are most memorable here.  Layne is exceptional, investing Nile with a steely intensity that puts her in good stead as her new existence threatens to overwhelm her and MORE THAN qualified to bust heads alongside her elders … but it’s ancient Greek warrior Andy who steals the film, Theron building on the astounding work she did in Atomic Blonde to prove, once and for all, that there’s no woman on Earth who looks better kicking arse than her (as Booker puts it, “that woman has forgotten more ways to kill than entire armies will ever learn”); in her hands, Andy truly is a goddess of death, tough as tungsten alloy and unflappable even in the face of hell itself, but underneath it all she hides a heart as big as any of her friends’.  They’re an impossibly lovable bunch and you feel you could follow them on another TEN adventures like this one, which is just as well, because Prince-Blythewood and Rucka certainly put them through their paces here – the drama is high (but frequently laced with a gentle, knowing sense of humour, particularly whenever Joe and Nicky are onscreen), as are the stakes, and the frequent action sequences are top-notch, executed with rare skill and bone-crunching zest, but also ALWAYS in service to the story.  Altogether this is an astounding film, a genuine victory for its makers and, it seems, for Netflix themselves – it’s become one of the platform’s biggest hits to date, earning well-deserved critical acclaim and great respect and genuine geek love from the fanbase at large.  After this, a sequel is not only inevitable, it’s ESSENTIAL …

5.  MANK – it’s always nice when David Fincher, one of my TOP FIVE ALL TIME FAVOURITE DIRECTORS, drops a new movie, because it can be GUARANTEED to place good and high in my rundown for that year.  The man is a frickin’ GENIUS, a true master of the craft, genuinely one of the auteur’s auteurs.  I’ve NEVER seen him deliver a bad film – even a misfiring Fincher (see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button or Alien 3) is still capable of creating GREAT CINEMA.  How? Why?  It’s because he genuinely LOVES the art form, it’s been his obsession all his life, and he’s spent every day of it becoming the best possible filmmaker he can be.  Who better to tell the story of the creation of one of the ULTIMATE cinematic masterpieces, then?  Benjamin Ross’ acclaimed biopic RKO 281 covered similar ground, presenting a compelling look into the making Citizen Kane, the timeless masterpiece of Hollywood’s ULTIMATE auteur, Orson Welles, but Fincher’s film is more interested in the original inspiration for the story, how it was written and, most importantly, the man who wrote it – Herman J. Mankiewicz, known to his friends as Mank. One of my favourite actors of all time, Gary Oldman, delivers yet another of his career best performances in the lead role, once a man of vision and incredible storytelling skill whose talents have largely been squandered through professional difficulties and personal vices, a burned out one-time great fallen on hard times whom Welles picks up out of the trash, dusts off and offers a chance to create something truly great again.  The only catch?  The subject of their film (albeit dressed up in the guise of fictional newspaper magnate Charles Foster Kane) is to be real-life publisher, politico and tycoon William Randolph Hurst (Charles Dance), once Mank’s friend and patron before they had a very public and messy falling out which partly led to his current circumstances.  As he toils away in seclusion on what is destined to become his true masterwork, flashbacks reveal to us the fascinating, moving and ultimately tragic tale of his rise and fall from grace in the movie business, set against the backdrop of one of the most tumultuous periods in American history.  Shooting a script that his own journalist and screenwriter father, Jack, crafted and then failed to bring to the screen himself before his death in 2003, Fincher has been working for almost a quarter century to make this film, and all that passion and drive is writ large on the screen – this is a glorious film ABOUT film, the art of it, the creation of it, and all the dirty little secrets of what the industry itself has always really been like, especially in that most glamorous and illusory of times.  The fact that Fincher shot in black and white and intentionally made it look like it was made in the early 1940s (the “golden age of the Silver Screen”, if you will) may seem like a gimmick, but instead it’s a very shrewd choice that expertly captures the gloss and moodiness of the age, almost looking like a contemporary companion piece to Kane itself, and it’s the perfect way to frame all the sharp-witted observation, subtly subversive character development and murky behind-the-scenes machinations that tell the story.  Oldman is in every way the star here, holding the screen with all the consummate skill and flair we’ve come to expect from him, but there’s no denying the uniformly excellent supporting cast are equal to the task here – Dance is at his regal, charismatic best as Hearst, while Amanda Seyfried is icily classy on the surface but mischievous and lovably grounded underneath as Hearst’s mistress, Marion Davies, who formed the basis for Kane’s most controversial character, Arliss Howard (Full Metal Jacket, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Moneyball) brings nuance and complexity to the role of MGM founder Louis B. Mayer, Tom Pelphrey (Banshee, Ozark) is understated but compelling as Mank’s younger screenwriter brother Joseph, and Lily Collins and Tuppence Middleton exude class and long-suffering stubbornness as the two main women in Mank’s life (his secretary and platonic muse, Rita Alexander, and his wife, Sara), while The Musketeers’ Tom Burke’s periodic but potent appearances as Orson Welles help to drive the story in the “present”.  Another Netflix release which I was (thankfully) able to catch on the big screen during one of the brief lulls between British lockdowns, this was a decidedly meta cinematic experience that perfectly encapsulated not only what is truly required for the creation of a screen epic, but also the latest pinnacle in the career of one of the greatest filmmakers working in the business today, powerful, stirring, intriguing and surprising in equal measure. Certainly it’s one of the most important films ABOUT so far film this century, but is it as good as Citizen Kane?  Boy, that’s a tough one …

4.  ENOLA HOLMES – ultimately, my top film for the autumn/winter movie season was also the film which finally topped my Netflix Original features list, as well as beating all other streaming offerings for the entire year (which is saying something, as you should know by now).  Had things been different, this would have been one of Warner Bros’ BIGGEST releases for the year in the cinema, of that I have no doubt, a surprise sleeper hit which would have taken the world by storm – as it is it’s STILL become a sensation, albeit in a much more mid-pandemic, lockdown home-viewing kind of way.  Before you start crying oh God no, not another Sherlock Holmes adaptation, this is a very different beast from either the Guy Ritchie take or the modernized BBC show, instead side-lining the great literary sleuth in favour of a delicious new AU version, based on The Case of the Missing Marquess, the first novel in the Enola Holmes Mysteries literary series from American YA author Nancy Springer.  Positing that Sherlock Holmes (Henry Cavill) and his elder brother Mycroft (Sam Claflin) had an equally ingenious and precocious baby sister, the film introduces us to Enola (Stranger Things’ Millie Bobby Brown), who’s been raised at home by their strong-willed mother Eudoria (Helena Bonham Carter) to be just as intelligent, well-read and intellectually skilled as her far more advantageously masculine elder siblings.  Then, on the morning of her sixteenth birthday, Enola awakens to find her mother has vanished, putting her in a pretty pickle since this leaves her a ward of Mycroft, a self-absorbed social peacock who finds her to be wilfully free-spirited and completely ill equipped to face the world, concluding that the only solution is sending her to boarding school where she’ll learn to become a proper lady.  Needless to say she’s horrified by the prospect, deciding to run away and search for her mother instead … this is about as perfect a family adventure film as you could wish for, following a vital, capable and compelling teen detective-in-the-making as she embarks on her very first investigation, as well as winding up tangled in a second to boot involving a young runaway noble, Viscount Tewkesbury, the Marquess of Basilwether (Medici’s Louis Partridge), and the film is a breezy, swift-paced and rewardingly entertaining romp that feels like a welcome breath of fresh air for a literary property which, beloved as it may be, has been adapted to death over the years.  Enola Holmes a brilliant young hero who’s perfectly crafted to carry the franchise forward in fresh new directions, and Brown brings her to life with effervescent charm, boisterous energy and mischievous irreverence that are entirely irresistible; Cavill and Claflin, meanwhile, are perfectly cast as the two very different brothers – this Sherlock is much less louche and world-weary than most previous versions, still razor sharp and intellectually restless but with a comfortable ease and a youthful spring in his step that perfectly suits the actor, while Mycroft is as superior and arrogant as ever, a preening arse we derive huge enjoyment watching Enola consistently get the best of; Bonham Carter doesn’t get a lot of screen-time but as we’d expect she does a lot with what she has to make the practical, eccentric and unapologetically modern Eudoria thoroughly memorable, while Partridge is carefree and likeable as the naïve but irresistible Tewkesbury, and there are strong supporting turns from Frances de la Tour as his stately grandmother, the Dowager, Susie Wokoma (Crazyhead, Truth Seekers) as Emily, a feisty suffragette who runs a jujitsu studio, Burn Gorman as dastardly thug-for-hire Linthorn, and Four Lions’ Adeel Akhtar as a particularly scuzzy Inspector Lestrade.  Seasoned TV director Harry Bradbeer (Fleabag, Killing Eve) makes his feature debut with an impressive splash, unfolding the action at a brisk pace while keeping the narrative firmly focused on an intricate mystery plot that throws in plenty of ingenious twists and turns before a suitably atmospheric climax and pleasing denouement which nonetheless artfully sets up more to come in the future, while screenwriter Jack Thorne (His Dark Materials, The Scouting Book for Boys, Wonder) delivers strong character work and liberally peppers the dialogue with a veritable cavalcade of witty zingers.  Boisterous, compelling, amusing, affecting and exciting in equal measure, this is a spirited and appealing slice of cinematic escapism that flatters its viewers and never talks down to them, a perfect little period adventure for a cosy Sunday afternoon.  Obviously there’s plenty of potential for more, and with further books to adapt there’s more than enough material for a pile of sequels – Neflix would be barmy indeed to turn their nose up at this opportunity …

3.  1917 – it’s a rare thing for a film to leave me truly shell-shocked by its sheer awesomeness, for me to walk out of a cinema in a genuine daze, unable to talk or even really think about much of anything for a few hours because I’m simply marvelling at what I’ve just witnessed.  Needless to say, when I do find a film like that (Fight Club, Inception, Mad Max: Fury Road) it usually earns a place very close to my heart indeed.  The latest tour-de-force from Sam Mendes is one of those films – an epic World War I thriller that plays out ENTIRELY in one shot, which doesn’t simply feel like a glorified gimmick or stunt but instead is a genuine MASTERPIECE of film, a mesmerising journey of emotion and imagination in a shockingly real environment that’s impossible to tear your eyes away from.  Sure, Mendes has impressed us before – his first film, American Beauty, is a GREAT movie, one of the most impressive feature debuts of the 2000s, while Skyfall is, in my opinion, quite simply THE BEST BOND FILM EVER MADE – but this is in a whole other league.  It’s an astounding achievement, made all the more impressive when you realise that there’s very little trickery at play here, no clever digital magic (just some augmentation here and there), it’s all real locations and sets, filmed in long, elaborately choreographed takes blended together with clever edits to make it as seamless as possible – it’s not the first film to try to do this (remember Birdman? Bushwick?), but I’ve never seen it done better, or with greater skill. But it’s not just a clever cinematic exercise, there’s a genuine story here, told with guts and urgency, and populated by real flesh and blood characters – the heart of the film is True History of the Kelly Gang’s George MacKay and Dean Chapman (probably best known as Tommen Baratheon in Game of Thrones) as Lance Corporals Will Schofield and Tom Blake, the two young tommies sent out across enemy territory on a desperate mission to stop a British regiment from rushing headlong into a German trap (Tom himself has a personal stake in this because his brother is an officer in the attack).  They’re a likeable pair, very human and relatable throughout, brave and true but never so overtly heroic that they stretch credibility, so when tragedy strikes along the way it’s particularly devastating; both deliver exceptional performances that effortlessly carry us through the film, and they’re given sterling support from a selection of top-drawer British talent, from Sherlock stars Andrew Scott and Benedict Cumberbatch to Mark Strong and Colin Firth, each delivering magnificently in small but potent cameos.  That said, the cinematography and art department are the BIGGEST stars here, masterful veteran DOP Roger Deakins (The Shawshank Redemption, Blade Runner 2049 and pretty much the Coen Brothers’ entire back catalogue among MANY others) making every frame sing with beauty, horror, tension or tragedy as the need arises, and the environments are SO REAL it feels less like production design than that someone simply sent the cast and crew back in time to film in the real Northern France circa 1917 – from a nightmarish trek across No Man’s Land to a desperate chase through a ruined French village lit only by dancing flare-light in the darkness before dawn, every scene is utterly immersive and simply STUNNING.  I don’t think it’s possible for Mendes to make a film better than this, but I sure hope he gives it a go all the same.  Either way, this was the most incredible, exhausting, truly AWESOME experience I had at the cinema all year – it’s a film that DESERVES to be seen on the big screen, and I feel truly sorry for those who missed the chance …

2.  BIRDS OF PREY & THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN – the only reason 1917 isn’t at number two is because Warner Bros.’ cinematic DC Extended Universe project FINALLY got round to bringing my favourite DC Comics title to the big screen.  It was been the biggest pleasure of my cinematic year getting to see my top DC superheroines brought to life on the big screen, and it was done in high style, in my opinion THE BEST of the DCEU films to date (yup, I loved it EVEN MORE than the Wonder Woman movies).  It was also great seeing Harley Quinn return after her show-stealing turn in David Ayer’s clunky but ultimately still hugely enjoyable Suicide Squad, better still that they got her SPOT ON this time – this is the Harley I’ve always loved in the comics, unpredictable, irreverent and entirely without regard for what anyone else thinks of her, as well as one talented psychiatrist.  Margot Robbie once more excels in the role she was basically BORN to play, clearly relishing the chance to finally do Harley TRUE justice, and she’s a total riot from start to finish, infectiously lovable no matter what crazy, sometimes downright REPRIHENSIBLE antics she gets up to.  Needless to say she’s the nominal star here, her latest ill-advised adventure driving the story – finally done with the Joker and itching to make her emancipation official, Harley publicly announces their breakup by blowing up Ace Chemicals (their love spot, basically), inadvertently painting a target on her back in the process since she’s no longer under the assumed protection of Gotham’s feared Clown Prince of Crime – but that doesn’t mean she eclipses the other main players the movie’s REALLY supposed to be about.  Each member of the Birds of Prey is beautifully written and brought to vivid, arse-kicking life by what had to be 2020’s most exciting cast – Helena Bertinelli, the Huntress, is the perfect character for Mary Elizabeth Winstead to finally pay off on that action hero potential she showed in Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, but this is a MUCH more enjoyable role outside of the fight choreography because while Helena may be a world-class dark avenger, socially she’s a total dork, which just makes her thoroughly adorable; Rosie Perez is similarly perfect casting as Renee Montoya, the uncompromising pint-sized Gotham PD detective who kicks against the corrupt system no matter what kind of trouble it gets her into, and just gets angrier all the time, paradoxically making us like her even more; and then there’s the film’s major controversy, at least as far as the fans are concerned, namely one Cassandra Cain.  Sure, this take is VERY different from the comics’ version (a nearly mute master assassin who went on to become the second woman to wear the mask of Batgirl before assuming her own crime-fighting mantle as Black Bat and now Orphan), but personally I like to think this is simply Cass at THE VERY START of her origin story, leaving plenty of time for her to discover her warrior origins when the DCEU finally gets around to introducing her mum, Lady Shiva (personally I want Michelle Yeoh to play her, but that’s just me) – anyways, here she’s a skilled child pickpocket whose latest theft inadvertently sets off the larger central plot, and newcomer Ella Jay Basco brings a fantastic pre-teen irreverence and spiky charm to the role, beautifully playing against Robbie’s mercurial energy.  My favourite here BY FAR, however, is Dinah Lance, aka the Black Canary (not only my favourite Bird of Prey but my very favourite DC superheroine PERIOD), the choice of up-and-comer Jurnee Smollet-Bell (Friday Night Lights, Underground) proving to be the film’s most inspired casting – a club singer with the metahuman ability to emit piercing supersonic screams, she’s also a ferocious martial artist (in the comics she’s one of the very best fighters IN THE WORLD), as well as a wonderfully pure soul you just can’t help loving, and it made me SO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY that they got my Canary EXACTLY RIGHT.  Altogether they’re a fantastic bunch of badass ladies, basically my perfect superhero team, and the way they’re all brought together (along with Harley, of course) is beautifully thought out and perfectly executed … they’ve also got one hell of a threat to overcome, namely Gotham crime boss Roman Sionis, the Black Mask, one of the Joker’s chief rivals – Ewan McGregor brings his A-game in a frustratingly rare villainous turn (my number one bad guy for the movie year), a monstrously narcissistic, woman-hating control freak with a penchant for peeling off the faces of those who displease him, sharing some exquisitely creepy chemistry with Chris Messina (The Mindy Project) as Sionis’ nihilistic lieutenant Victor Zsasz.  This is about as good as superhero cinema gets, a perfect example of the sheer brilliance you get when you switch up the formula to create something new, an ultra-violent, unapologetically R-rated middle finger to the classic tropes, a fantastic black comedy thrill ride that’s got to be the most full-on feminist blockbuster ever made – it’s helmed by a woman (Dead Pigs director Cathy Yan), written by a woman (Bumblebee’s Christina Hodson), produced by more women and ABOUT a bunch of badass women magnificently triumphing over toxic masculinity in all its forms.  It’s also simply BRILLIANT – the cast are all clearly having a blast, the action sequences are first rate (the spectacular GCPD evidence room fight in which Harley gets to REALLY cut loose is the undisputable highlight), it has a gleefully anarchic sense of humour and is simply BURSTING with phenomenal homages, references and in-jokes for the fans (Bruce the hyena! Stuffed beaver! Roller derby!).  It’s also got a killer soundtrack, populated almost exclusively by numbers from female artists.  Altogether, then, this is the VERY BEST the DCEU has to offer to date, and VERY NEARLY my absolute FAVOURITE film of 2020.  Give it all the love you can, it sure as hell deserves it.

1.  TENET – granted, the streaming platforms (particularly Netflix and Amazon) certainly saved our cinematic summer, but I’m still IMMEASURABLY glad that my ultimate top-spot winner FOR THE WHOLE YEAR was one I got to experience on THE BIG SCREEN. You gotta hand it to Christopher Nolan, he sure hung in there, stubbornly determined that his latest cinematic masterpiece WOULD be released in cinemas in the summer (albeit ultimately landing JUST inside the line in the final week of August and ultimately taking the bite at the box office because of the still shaky atmosphere), and it was worth all the fuss because, for me, this was THE PERFECT MOVIE for me to get return to cinemas with.  I mean, okay, in the end it WASN’T the FIRST new movie I saw after the first reopening, that honour went to Unhinged, but THIS was my first real Saturday night-out big screen EXPERIENCE since March.  Needless to say, Nolan didn’t disappoint this time any more than he has on any of his consistently spectacular previous releases, delivering another twisted, mind-boggling headfuck of a full-blooded experiential sensory overload that comes perilously close to toppling his long-standing auteur-peak, Inception (itself second only by fractions to The Dark Knight as far as I’m concerned). To say much at all about the plot would give away major spoilers – personally I’d recommend just going in as cold as possible, indeed you really should just stop reading this right now and just GO SEE IT.  Still with us?  Okay … the VERY abridged version is that it’s about a secret war being waged between the present and the future by people capable of “inverting” time in substances, objects, people, whatever, into which the Protagonist (BlacKkKlansman’s John David Washington), an unnamed CIA agent, has been dispatched in order to prevent a potential coming apocalypse. Washington is once again on top form, crafting a robust and compelling morally complex heroic lead who’s just as comfortable negotiating the minefields of black market intrigue as he is breaking into places or dispatching heavies, Kenneth Branagh delivers one of his most interesting and memorable performances in years as brutal Russian oligarch Andrei Sator, a genuinely nasty piece of work who was ALMOST the year’s very best screen villain, Elizabeth Debicki (The Night Manager, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Widows) brings strength, poise and wounded integrity to the role of Sator’s estranged wife, Kat, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson gets to use his own accent for once as tough-as-nails British Intelligence officer Ives, while there are brief but consistently notable supporting turns and cameos from Martin Donovan, Yesterday’s Himesh Patel, Dirk Gently’s Fiona Dourif and, of course, Nolan’s good luck charm, Michael Caine.  The cast’s biggest surprise, however, is Robert Pattinson, truly a revelation in what has to be, HANDS DOWN, his best role to date, Neil, the Protagonist’s mysterious handler – he’s by turns cheeky, slick, duplicitous and thoroughly badass, delivering an enjoyably multi-layered, chameleonic performance which proves what I’ve long maintained, that the former Twilight star is actually a fucking amazing actor, and on the basis of this, even if that amazing new teaser trailer wasn’t making the rounds, I think the debate about whether or not he’s the right choice for the new Batman is now academic.  As we’ve come to expect from Nolan, this is a TRUE tour-de-force experience, a visual triumph and an endlessly engrossing head-scratcher, Nolan’s screenplay bringing in seriously big ideas and throwing us some major narrative knots and loopholes, constantly wrong-footing the viewer while also setting up truly revelatory payoffs from seemingly low-key, unimportant beginnings – this is a film you need to be awake and attentive for or you could miss something pretty vital. The action sequences are, as ever, second to none, some of the year’s very best set-pieces coming thick and fast and executed with some of the most accomplished skill in the business, while Nolan-regular cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema (Interstellar and Dunkirk, as well as the heady likes of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, SPECTRE and Ad Astra) once again shows he’s one of the best camera-wizards in the business today by delivering some absolutely mesmerising visuals.  Notably, Nolan’s other regular collaborator, composer Hans Zimmer, is absent here (although he had good reason, since he was working on his dream project at the time, the fast-approaching screen adaptation of Dune), but Ludwig Göransson (best known for his collaborations with Ryan Coogler Fruitvale Station, Creed and Black Panther, as well as career-best work on The Mandalorian) is a fine replacement, crafting an intriguingly internalised, post-modern musical landscape that thrums and pulses in time with the story and emotions of the characters rather than the action itself. Interestingly it’s on the subject of sound that some of the film’s rare detractions have been levelled, and I can see some of the points – the soundtrack mix is an all-encompassing thing, and there are times when the dialogue can be overwhelmed, but in Nolan’s defence this film is a heady, immersive experience, something you really need to concentrate on, so these potential flaws are easily forgiven.  As a work of filmmaking art, this is another flawless wonder from one of the true masters of the craft working in cinema today, but it’s art with palpable substance, a rewarding whole that proved truly unbeatable in 2020 …

[mst3kproject]

Planet of Dinosaurs

This movie is blessed with some pretty cool stop-motion dinosaurs and absolutely nothing else, and it’s got a Rifftrack.  That’s… that’s it, really.  Press play.

The spaceship Odyssey suffers a reactor meltdown and blows up with only just enough warning for the crew to launch a single lifeboat shuttle.  Luckily, there’s a life-bearing planet nearby where the spandex-suited survivors can land, but unluckily, it turns out to be inhabited by giant reptiles, not unlike the prehistoric fauna of Earth!  There’s also a spider the size of a Yorkshire terrier, for no particular reason.

There’s not really any plot from there, it’s just bad actors shooting toy laser guns at plastic dinosaurs, interspersed with Rock Climbing. At last the characters manage to kill the inevitable T-rex that’s been threatening them, whereupon they declare themselves to have conquered this planet.

There are a few attempts at human conflict but they’re pretty watery.  The first possible b-plot has to do with the vice president of the space-shipping company, Mr. Baylor, who was along on this trip for some reason and is among the survivors. So they’re not just stranded on Dinosaur Planet, they’re stranded on Dinosaur Planet with their boss.  He’s a jackass and his secretary quickly gets fed up with him and quits, which doesn’t do her a whole lot of good since they are, as I mentioned, stranded on Dinosaur Planet.  The writers run out of things to do with Baylor about halfway through the movie and kill him off, to everybody’s relief.

The second involves the bearded guy, Jim, who’s starting to take issue with Captain Lee’s command style.  Lee is trying to keep them all alive and uninjured until help can arrive.  Jim doesn’t think help is coming and wants to go full caveman and start slaughtering things. It starts to look like he’s gonna foment a mutiny, but eventually he and Lee overcome their differences and come up with a plan to kill the T-rex.

Finally, of course, the survivors inevitably pair off in heterosexual couples.  Sure is lucky there weren’t more men than women or vice-versa.  Very fortunate nobody’s left with no-one to bone but someone they’ve never gotten along with.  Quite improbable that nobody on the entire command crew was gay.  When one member of one of these couples becomes a dinosaur victim, the other thoughtfully dies a few scenes later, not because he commits suicide out of guilt or something, but just by coincidence.

One thing the movie actually does pretty well is day-for-night.  It’s not great, in that you can still tell it was shot in the daytime through a filter, but they chose the right filter to cool down the warm tones of the sunlight, and had the sense to keep the sky out of shot.  It never looks like somebody just turned the brightness on your screen way down and called it ‘night’, and I’ve seen so much worse that I want to at least acknowledge their competence.

The other thing Planet of Dinosaurs does well is the actual dinosaurs, which are a lot of fun. They’re lumpy and out of date, but some real care seems to have gone into building the detailed puppets and their movements are fluid and sometimes very lifelike.  There’s a nice variety of them, too.  As well as the T-rex there’s a smaller therapod that might be intended to be an Allosaurus, a couple of little Ornithomimus­-like animals, a Brontosaurus complete with the wrong head, a Stegosaurus, a Centrosaurus, and some kind of ankylosaur.  In real life these are a jumble of Hell Creek and Morrison dinosaurs who never met each other, but eh, it’s supposed to be another planet, it’s cool.

Unfortunately, there are several points where the effects people try to show us something they probably should have implied instead.  I commend their ambition, but knowing your limits is a big part of making special effects work.  In the first episode of Walking with Dinosaurs, the Postosuchus attacks a Placerias… but we don’t see as much of this as we think we do because our view is blocked by the body of the prey animal.  They knew their CGI wasn’t up to making the attack look good, so they tricked us into thinking we saw more than we did.  In Planet of Dinosaurs, a character stabs an injured Ornithomimus with a spear, and it’s painfully obvious that the stop-motion creature was just superimposed on top.  They could easily have set up the shot so we didn’t have to actually see it go in, but they didn’t.

The dinosaurs are clearly what they spent their budget on, which was wise – as I said in my review of Twelve to the Moon, if you can only afford to show us one cool thing, best make it the one in the title. Sadly, when I say spent the budget I mean the entire budget.  The rest of Planet of Dinosaurs looks like it was made in somebody’s backyard using stuff from the garden shed.  The spaceship that briefly appears in the opening had a previous career as a vacuum cleaner.  When it ‘explodes’ it just flickers red and vanishes with no further attempt at an effect.

The costumes look kind of like if they made the original Star Trek series ten years later but on the same budget, with producers who didn’t think they wanted this to be a porno but preferred to keep the option open.  The designated Himbo, Chuck, doffs his shirt within the first few minutes of the film and never gets it back.  The blonde who goes for a swim and is eaten by some water monster was wearing a bikini under her uniform for some reason.  By the end, they’re all dressed in cartoon caveman garb and Chuck is still shirtless.

Besides the dinosaurs, the main effect we see is the laser guns, which are among the most ineffective sci-fi weapons ever committed to screen.  They fire a beam of very slow red light which does absolutely nothing to any of the dinosaurs, even when the characters observe that one has been injured.  I think this is supposed to show us that the animals are tougher than the technology, but for that to work we would have needed to see a laser used effectively, perhaps to destroy something blocking the path. Without that, we have no basis for comparison.

If this were all Planet of Dinosaurs did wrong, it would be a bad movie classic.  Even the abysmally bad acting has its funny moments. What ruins the enjoyment is the movie’s lack of a proper story.

Planet of Dinosaurs is supposed to be a Cast Away or Robinson Crusoe sort of a film, about unprepared people thrust into the wilderness and forced to survive as best they can.  Such a narrative doesn’t need an overarching conflict per se.  It can be a series of smaller survival stories strung together, but Planet of Dinosaurs doesn’t manage to do that.  The ‘plot’ with Baylor depends on him being a petulant fool, and the characters are not sufficiently well-developed for us to have any interest in the ‘love stories’ that don’t affect the overall course of events.

The rivalry between Captain Lee and Bearded Guy Jim turns on how to keep the rest of the survivors safe from the large predators in the area, particularly the T-rex.  Lee wants everybody to hole up on a rocky plateau behind a ridiculously flimsy stockade to keep the animals out, while Jim wants to hunt down and kill the dinosaurs, to teach them to fear humans as wolves do on Earth.  The main problem with this is that we just don’t see enough of the predatory dinosaurs to justify this treatment of them.

We see the T-rex fairly early in the film, and it fuels the humans’ decision to see high ground where they hope such a large animal will not go. The much smaller Allosaurus shows up at one point to make a woman scream, is ‘injured’ with a laser, and the T-rex then eats it.  And just before the climax, the T-rex breaks through the stockade to chow down on Baylor’s secretary.  In between these incidents, we do not see and rarely even hear about these animals.  If we’re supposed to imagine them constantly lurking around outside, the movie makes no effort to reinforce that impression.  The T-rex is treated as the Final Boss, but the movie just hasn’t earned that.

At the end we see the survivors a few years later.  They’re building a farm, making their own clothes, living off the land, and raising their children.  One of the women asks the other if she thinks they’re ever going to be rescued, and the other replies that she doesn’t think it matters anymore. The implication is that they’re now happy here.  This is really not a bad little denouement, and ends the movie on a warm, optimistic note.

If you want to see some ridiculous 70s mustaches and ugly 70s dinosaurs, you’ll probably have fun with Planet of Dinosaurs.  Unfortunately, the movie was a little too ambitious in some places and not ambitious enough in others.  If I’d seen it at the age of six I probably would have become immediately obsessed with it for the dinosaurs alone, but as an adult I’m afraid my standards are just a little too high.  Unable to afford to be good, and unable to commit to being bad, it’s just another meh.

[gammacousin]

Okay. I’m ready to real talk Black Widow. I don’t want to but as an activist there’s an obligation I have to share and educate. I nerd to forget but I suppose it shows the power of this movie if it brings something real into the light.

*Spoiler Warning. Trigger warning for everything.*

There are some things I want to say that could potentially spoil aspect of the Black Widow film. I also would advise you to skip this post if you have a darker past, if you aren’t interested in getting serious, or wish to skim by, I’m sincerely not judging! I come on here to avoid the universe as well. You do you, I totally still love you if you don’t read this and want to move onto something nerdy or more fun. This isn’t the post for you.

It’s taken me a while to process and organize my thoughts. Skip if you don’t want to hear deep, raw stories.

3

2

Okay. Nerd review first.

The level of girl power and any and all glass ceilings… There is SO much left to do. So much that needs to still be addressed. But seeing 3 women run this show: Yelena, Natasha, and Melina was an absolute joy to observe. This isn’t the end of some hard waged war, it’s the beginning and I beg you; Disney/Marvel. Please give us more of this? It’s so important for young girls to see other girls kicking butt and winning. Quick summary of nerd feelings; Losing Nat still burns. Yelena is a boss.

Okay…Real talk.

I have to get a little deeper here now. My personal story absolutely played into how I felt about this film and I wish I saw some trigger warnings about the material covered. Do I know Black Window’s story? Yes. In and out. I can read it, I can write my FF on it. However. Little to no one knows my story and so absolutely no one is to blame for not warning me. I was not expecting to come out this shook.

I’m sharing this because it’s happening now, today. In the real world. I doubt the film makers had this mind over other social issues, but after feeling like it’s irrelevant, that my pain is somehow less than, I’m realizing through my activism it’s not.

I grew up in a cult where women are not relevant. You matter up to a point. You are useful, to a point. If you’re giving 24/7, you’re not giving enough. If you’re not smiling as you’re doing cult stuff, you’re complacent. In addition to why I’m about to share, my house growing up was not a safe space which is a story for another time. So it’s a stack…this janga-ish game that eventually just comes crashing down.

My trigger started moments after the film started the handing over of the kids. When Alexei chooses the job over the welfare of the girls. Alexei put his two “daughters” in danger to save ‘face’. To put the job ahead of two children…it hit home. In the group I’m from, fathers, mothers, grandparents, siblings will absolutely choose the group over blood. You are nothing and you mean nothing if you ‘defect’. If you break a rule. If you complain. If you say ‘no’. If you put in a bad review for a leader, if you have anything bad at all to say about the organization as a whole. You can confide something deep in someone you trust and it absolutely will come back to hurt you.

The title song shook me completely. This collage of video and images of brainwashing, treating these girls like absolute objects is disgusting in itself. But when you’re raised in this other world, there’s a level of brainwashing that is absolutely unmatched. Videos, books, quizzes, 12 hour lectures, weekly meetings.

People are unified to the point where you lose your own identity. There’s a language- a literally language- words you start to misuse. Verbiage only people in the cult use. Kids of any age will watch any rated film. Frequently the themes are about obedience and or cooperation and the consequences if you do not cooperate/obey. Death is a such a common theme that either you become petrified of your own shadow, petrified of breathing wrong, or turn completely numb. In sharing these videos, the goal is to instill this fear that you will never be enough. That you will die- turn into a charred hot dog of a figure if you do not obey 8 white men - the leaders, in New York. That your friends, classmates, neighbors, family will die if they don’t believe what you do. That you’re held accountable if you can’t bring them to your side.

The song for the credits hit me. I cannot listen to it. I have no idea what it was about.

When I watched the film, I couldn’t focus at this point at gosh barely 15 minutes in. I had already checked out. I heard keywords. “Entertainers,” “I feel stupid and contagious…”

In my world, I did not matter. What mattered was, what was presented to the public. To your group. Meeting some checklist of this perfect family at any cost. You’re not an individual, you’re a number. Literally. Your records are documented by men in the back room- your actions, your track record. But ultimately? You’re part of a numeral equation reported to headquarters. And if you’re a woman, you do not have a say in how you look, dress, act or in what you say. You are as the title song says, …“Entertainers”. You smile. You do your job, and you are ‘happy’ about it. Your job is to dedicate x amount of hours cleaning the room you gather in, and in recruitment of other members…

There’s a ‘job’ in the cult called a “pioneer”. Okay. No, we might not have been trained assassins. But you are trained to manipulate emotionally. To prey on the weak. You get books, magazines, movies, speeches, lectures- you rarely get a free Saturday. Oh and the job isn’t paid. So make sure you’re working (part time because full time secular work isn’t acceptable) at a desk job (because college and getting an education is not allowed). Don’t make friends with the people who work with you, they’re out to get you. Back at the club; You answer questions like it’s some schoolastic quiz every week and quote what your reading. It’s a brainwashing tactic. If you say something enough times, you remember it. You start to believe it. You spend hours reading these things, training… Your job is to target people who have lost- and have lost a lot because they’re vulnerable. You learn to go to cemeteries, and literally stalk people who are grieving. Like Val. If you can catch someone when they’re weak, senses are dulled. They’re desperate. And you bait them with this false promise. This idea that all THEY have to do is change all that they are, join you, and they’ll see their dead loved ones again. That they are doomed if they don’t change. Most pioneers draft 2-4 people per lifetime. If you’re a great saleswoman, you can draft more into this horrific world. And I regret the hours I spent lying, torturing people. For some cult that doesn’t give two cents about me.

I 100% believed of I didn’t convince my classmates, neighbors, to join my side they would either turn me in or they would be killed by a divine being. From 2 years old I was supposedly handing out pamphlets. The doom is not a quick painless death, no. You have visuals. You have men getting up to talk in detail about what your ‘friends’ will look like as corpses. Visually descriptive to the point where I still feel a bit numb to it all. That you will have to bury their bodies after the whole divine destruction. That you will have to “clean up” the earth. You are numb- convinced- bullied to the point where you believe this is true.

If you’re hurt as MANY WOMEN AND CHILDREN ARE, and you don’t have two people to testify and say they saw it- it never happened. Abuse is the norm. And if you speak up about it? You’re called a liar. Your friends cut you off. They think you’ll die along with everyone else if you put in a ‘bad review’ or leave. You’re bullied into submission and taught from a young age that you are not in control of your own decisions. You relinquish yourself under the pretense that the men you have such reverence toward are under some divine being’s control.

Your parents hurting you is acceptable. And don’t you dare speak against your father if he’s deeply involved. Don’t even think about approaching if he’s on a phone call. If you’re hit you take it- because you “deserved” it. And you smile. You shove that pain deep down. You hide the bruise, the cut lip, the depression, the bottles of pills you’re swallowing the whatever….You’re screwed if you faint, throw up, pass out, because you’ve missed a meeting. You better be dying for that to happen…

The idea that is portrayed in the movie (IMO) is that you can forgive family who hurts you. I see people forgiving Alexei and what’s her name. Look- that’s great. It’s a fun film. Alexei is funny. Here’s what I saw; it’s a toxic man- nay- father who can’t accept responsibility. He takes pride in what the girls have become- monsters. Not in who they are at their core. He has no idea who they are. And the mom has this photo album…I’m tearing up. She remembers this a certain way, a wishful thought. I’ve confronted my own mother about our past and had an album thrown at me, “We were happy. You were happy.” The fact is I was told the smile. You’re forcing this perception that everything was normal. That it’s okay to go back. (I’m not taking away Yelena’s view that everything was real to her, that’s fine for the sake of the story, and sweet. The moment between her and Alexei..fine. Milena turns and takes their side at the end, great.) The problem with how I saw this, is that’s not how the real world works. I don’t owe my parents forgiveness when I didn’t mean shit to them. When people leave the cult they’re cut off. Treated like they’re dead. I didn’t find these moments cute, I found them horrific. Hugging me, saying he’s proud of me is the toxic sh** my father would pull. Ignoring the holes in the wall, in my skull, the phony impression he gives to the rest of the group. Hugging me…after sweeping everything he did not only to me, but countless others under the rug because the cult…because 8 men in NY will protect him. Legally. Or otherwise.

I don’t need to forgive my parents. If you’ve been mistreated, you don’t owe anyone anything. They can “try” to do the right thing, that doesn’t somehow block out years of mistreatment. Years of trauma. Sheetrock only patches the surface of the broken walls. Wounds heal but some scars stay with you forever. Metaphorically or otherwise.

‘Entertainers’ was a trigger word because if you’re high enough in the ranking system you’re asked to “testify” or share a story. It’s in front of a couple thousand. It’s an “honor”. What it really is, is a three ring circus. You will only see women on the sidelines reading from the cards while only men stand at the main podium. They’re reading what they have told them to say. Stories are manipulated, cut, changed to fit a narrative that better suits the group of a couple thousand members.

Dreykov. I hate this. But I have to go there. I’m neck deep already, might as well. I think the worst part of all of it is that you can’t touch the person who made you this way. Those 6-7-8 leaders are untouchable. It doesn’t matter what you try. What legal entities, ex groups have tried. There’s a term for us and we are considered ‘mentally diseased.’ Members are told to avoid us. And in case you were curious, no, they can’t just break their nose on a table to be free- if only it were that simple. Gosh that got me. I would cut a limb, split my skull open, if it meant I could just cut a chord. It takes years of therapy and I still have nightmares. Urges to just, go. I’m OKAY. But most escapees are not. If you manage to escape with your life and don’t end it because the pressure, guilt, abuse that comes with leaving is too much. (This is sadly the fate of MANY LBGTQ+ members.)

The only hope is either the group eventually runs out of money or they’re taken down legally. Both of which are impossible since many older members will leave all they have to the group rather than to their family. It’s a complex billion dollar publishing company that plays monopoly with people’s investments, homes, and lives.

If you speak up, you’re the liar. So you cannot free your friends, who have turned on you, already cut you off, and discarded you the day you walked out and didn’t come back.

Watching Natasha, and Yelena free their sisters made me think of every woman who is stuck in this cult. For every woman, child, currently being sexually/physically abused and can’t say sh** because they literally believe god will kill them. If I say anything to them, they block me. If I expose what’s happening they will lie in court. That’s what is happening. And it’s not in the news, it’s not talked about. Because you can’t. You’re forced into silence. There’s a block. A literal legal force field that you cannot penetrate. They have their own lawyers. You can’t break into it. You’ll lose every, single, legal battle you try to fight.

Was this a decent movie? Yes. Was I expecting to share this days after release, no. I’ve been forced into silence for so long, told that people have it far worse and that I shouldn’t talk about it. But just today I saw a grown ass couple in an escapee group, talking about how one trigger word sent them into a depressive spiral. Wondering if some god damn lightening will come out of the sky and knock them dead. And we frickin struggle in silence. People will just shrug and go “oh it can’t be that bad,” while my gay best friend can’t catch an effing break. While someone else suffers at home because god wants it that way. Someone else will bury their kid today, maybe not even hold a funeral for them if they were ‘mentally diseased.’

For people like that couple I met today, like me, if you don’t just see a fun film but a darker past or maybe it’s brought up some memories for you, I’d honestly love to chat!!! Message me! I feel like for as painful as this is to hash out not too many people know about what goes on behind a group of smiling, well dressed woman who come knocking on your door. “It’s just a religion.”

I guess I didn’t realize…the criminal aspect of what happened to me. You’re so ingrained to keep quiet. To smile. To ignore, to suppress. I can smile, joke laugh, but visualizing…inadvertently seeing this mirror was so unbelievably uncomfortable. I would always rather help someone else because it takes me out of my head. Live in a bubble where I can call my trauma a ‘fantasy’. What’s real is when someone like me has a bad day? Lol! Look, my husband literally checks his phone to make sure a conversation never touches a couple hundred trigger words that will absolutely send me into the closet with a gallon of ice cream or a bottle of whiskey. I can’t imagine what someone else, what some other traumatized individual goes through. (Maybe that’s why the Bucky stuff makes me all angry She-Hulk too..)

Look, talking people ex members of this group, out of suicide is a daily endeavor to the point where it’s borderline on autopilot. But having this, I suppose, brilliant, piece of cinema turn the camera around left me raw and writhing and angry. Not for me, but for everyone else still stuck. With every year you spend in that cult, add ten more to therapy.

If you feel like me at all, you’re not alone. Not anymore. We were raised to feel alone in the world. That the universe is somehow out to get us and that’s simply not true. You don’t need the people who raised you if they were absolute shit bags. And you DO NOT have to forgive them for keeping you in that environment. Family isn’t family if they’ve hurt you. You owe them nothing. It is healthy to feel your feelings (and you and your feelings are valid. )

Anyways! I hope to be able to talk about more fun Marvel topics soon. But this felt important so thanks for listening. I’m really not hating guys, this is just…it’s heavy. And I beg you to do your research into cults and to help out where you can.

Love and light,

-M

[rocksandrobots]

Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 36 - Wrestlers, Boxers, and Ninjas, Oh My (Part 3)

Gogo fumbled for her phone as it went off on the table near her bed, ringing loudly. She moaned in frustration, still groggy from sleep, as she reluctantly sat up and answered the call.

"Hello?" She yawned.

"Gogo, is Varian with you?" Aunt Cass's voice came through the other end.

"Uh, no," Gogo said, snapping awake, "he left last night about ten thirty or so."  

Sunlight streamed in through the window, indicating it was late morning or near noon, and Gogo couldn't dismiss the growing dread churning in her stomach as she realized something wasn't right.

"Yes, he called about that time to say he was on his way home, so I went on to bed, but I haven't seen him all morning. He was supposed to help out at the cafe today but he never showed up, and his bed doesn't look like it was slept in…. and he isn't answering his phone." Aunt Cass explained as worry crept into her voice. "I don't want to panic but, so far no one's seen him. Hiro stayed up later than I did, which is normal, but he says he never saw Varian come in either. I texted Honey Lemon earlier but she never got back with me."  

Gogo heard the faint sound of snoring below her that told her exactly where her roommate was. "Yeah, she's still asleep. Have you called Fred, or Wasabi yet?"

"No, but Fred was here earlier to see Hiro and he said that he hasn't heard from Varian since last night either."

Gogo took a deep breath to calm her nerves, "Okay, I'll call Wasabi and see if he spent the night at the dorms or something."

"That's a good idea, and I'll call Granville to see if Varian is at the school. I know finals are coming up; he could just be doing some last minute work on his project."

Aunt Cass's voice sounded cheerful, but they both knew that Varian wasn't likely to skip out on his job like that. He took his responsibilities seriously, and after the bot fighting incident, he was pretty diligent about communicating his whereabouts to Aunt Cass as well. But there was no other way to move forward but to explore all their other options first.

So they said their goodbyes and Gogo called Wasabi. Then she called Karmi, and then Carl and Globby. She even called up Carol. No one had seen nor heard from Varian since last night.

                                                   ----------------------

"Mole hasn't seen him either." Fred stated as he finished reading the text on his phone.

They were all gathered at the apartment, trying to debate on what to do.

"And I just talked to Megan. He's not with her either." Hiro added.

"So who haven't we called? What aren't we thinking of?" Wasabi asked.

"I guess we're just going to have to go out and physically hunt for him like last time." Gogo said.

"Yeah, I'll get Baymax to fly around and scan the city. We'll have to pick up our armor from HQ though. I left it there for repairs after our last matchup with Trina."

They all started to file out the door, all except for Honey Lemon who stood next to the kitchen window on her phone.

"You coming?" Gogo asked her.

"Yeah, I'm just trying to call Varian again." She said distractly. She'd been withdrawn all morning since the news hit. Constantly calling and texting same as the rest, but not saying much outside of that.

"Well you can do that on the ride to HQ." Wasabi said and she followed after them, still trying to get through on the phone which just kept ringing.

Once outside on the sidewalk, the phone went to voicemail again. She growled under her breath as she hit the redial button again; unsure what else she could do.

"Hey, you guys hear that?" Fred asked.

"Hear what?"

"Sounds like a phone ringing."

"Well Honey Lemon is on the phone." Gogo pointed out the obvious, getting slightly irritated with Fred.

"I know that. It's not coming from her, It's coming from somewhere over there." He pointed down the sidewalk across the street. He then took off walking that way even as Honey Lemon hung up in frustration.

Fred paused as if listening for something. "Make that phone call again, HL." He yelled to her.

She did, and Fred bolted over to the bus stop across the way.

"I found it!" He shouted as he held up a ringing cell phone high into the air.

They all ran over to him. In his hand he held what looked like Varian's phone but the screen was cracked right down the middle and the back was all scratched up.

"Yeah it's his alright." Fred proclaimed as he went through the phone's contents. "Here's the text he sent me last night about the wrestling tickets."

Everyone exchanged worried faces. Yes, something was definitely wrong here.

                                                  ----------------------

Varian awoke inside a dark room. He tried to move his arms but they were tied behind his back. He tried to stand up or scoot the chair he was seated in but couldn't as it was bolted to the floor.

After a few moments of struggling he tried to calm himself with a few deep breaths. At least he wasn't gagged this time. Though that probably meant whoever took him had him secured in a place where calls for help wouldn't be heard. So he didn't waste his time on that. Instead he tried his best to adjust his eyes to the dim light and see where he was.

It looked like some kind of lab. There were computers over next to one wall; their screens emitting a soft blue light. There was a work desk near him with an assortment of tools and wires scattered upon it, and over in one corner of the room was a 3D printer like the one Hiro had in his lab. Though this one appeared to be far larger and fancier than that one. He also could point out what looked like large pieces of scrap metal and glass here and about the room. There was probably a furnace somewhere for melting it all down but he couldn't see it from the angle he sat at.

As he sat there wondering what all this stuff was for, a door opened on the right side of the room, flooding the space with a stream of light.

"Ah you're awake!" A voice barked and Varian turned his head to see Yama standing there. He was flanked by two men dressed all in black, faces hidden behind masks, and with various weapons tucked in their belts.

'Ninjas' was the word Varian was looking for. He'd seen them in action movies that Hiro and Fred like to watch sometimes. They were supposed to be skilled warriors, like knights or royal guards in his world, but they lacked any sort of heavy armor and used hand to hand combat more often.

Supposedly anyways. You could never be too sure how accurate a film was. But either way Varian didn't fancy his changes fighting them head on; especially while unarmed.

Yama flipped a light switch and Varian blinked rapidly at the sudden change. Once his eyes adjusted again he saw his first assessment of the room being a lab was correct. Not that he had time to really think about that because soon Yama was standing before him blocking his view.

The mob boss bent down till he was eye level to Varian and gave a cruel smile. "Well, well, we meet again. It's a small world after all." His grin became even wider and Varian's stomach dropped. This was about the money from the 'bot fight wasn't, or perhaps Yama still held a grudge over the insults he had cheekily hurled during their match. Either way, Varian sure he was as good as dead. It was funny though, in a way, of all the times he'd come close to death and yet it was here of all places he was going to meet his end.

"You're a smart kid ain't ya?" Yama continued. He picked up a small magnetic ball from off the table. It looked like the ones Sirque used in her portals. "My boss was very impressed by your breakthroughs in portal tech."

Varian raised an eyebrow. So this wasn't about revenge? Then what was it?

"You mean Sirque?" He asked.

"No, not her you nitwit!" Yama rolled his eyes. "The big boss. The one that pays us all. Haven't you been keeping up?"

"You mean the one that was trying to get rid of Momosake?"

"Now you're getting the picture."

"Did she rat me out?"

"Who knows," Yama shrugged, "All I know is that the boss wants to offer you a deal and I'm here to make it."

"You got a strange way of negotiating business." Varian pointed out drly.

Yama smiled again. This was his arena as much as the 'bot fight had been; dirty deals, intimidation tactics, and crooked schemes. He was every bit the stereotypical gangster, right down to the tax evasions and his little black book full of hit lists.

"Look, it's simple," he said as he slipped into his sleazy salesman act, "you build us a portal like the one you made that night. We provide you with all the tools and materials and when done, we let you go on your merry way with a nice fat paycheck."

"While you keep the patent and if I try to claim I'm the original inventor; I can expect to find myself wearing a pair of concrete shows at the bottom of the bay."

Yama chuckled with glee. "You really are a smart kid."

"I've been around." Varian said cooly.

"Then you'll know that if you refuse to take me up on my offer you can expect a fitting for those cement shoes tonight. "

Varian pressed his lips to stop himself from hurling a bunch of vitriol at Yama. Losing his temper right now wouldn't help. But he knew that any promises to release him were empty. Why pay someone off to keep quiet when you could just kill them and pocket the money for yourself?

"Is that what you did to Sirque?" He asked instead.

"Naw," Yama dismissed, "She still works for us. It's just good business to not put all your eggs in one basket, if ya know what I mean."

Varian didn't respond to that but silently eyed Yama up and down like he was a slayer wolf in sheep's clothing.

"Look, I can even call her up if you want." Yama said, sensing the boy's mistrust.

"She can tell you that we're on the up and up. Sirque can even tell you how much the boss pays her, and it's a pretty penny. I should know. I keep the books."

Varian chewed his bottom lip in thought. If Sirque was still around then why did they need him? Was she being held hostage too, or was she more free because she was in on the whole thing from the start? Maybe she hit a roadblock and that's why they needed him. Shoot maybe she was the one who cooked up this whole kidnapping plot to begin with? Who knew what the truth was?

All Varían knew was that he couldn't trust Yama any further than you could throw him, which wasn't far. But he needed to stall if he wanted to keep living.

"Ok, I'll do it."

Yama broke out into a sickening smile once more. "Good, I knew you'd see reason. Boys untie the kid!"

The two ninjas walked over and undid Varian binds. He stood up and rubbed his sore wrists as Yama finalized the terms of their agreement.  

"We should have all the latest toys here that you need to get to work. If something is missing you can let us know and we'll get it for you. We'll bring ya a sandwich or something if ya get hungry and there's a bathroom in the back. Now this is important, so listen up, don't go thinking about escape. No dirty tricks or trying to contact the outside, or the deal is off and well, my two associates here will have to start getting rough. Got it!?"

He pointed at the two ninjas who stealthily took up their positions at either side of the room. Varian quickly darted his eyes about taking stock of the lab once more, noting where the two deadly assassins hired to guard him were placed. Nothing immediately stood out to him as being useful or practical for escape, but perhaps he could build himself something…

"Got it." He nodded and Yama smiled, shook his hand in a forceful manner, and then turned to leave; laughing all the way.

Left alone now, save for his two jailors, Varian got to work.

                                                  ----------------------

"Any luck?" Wasabi asked over the intercom.

"Not yet." Hiro replied as he and Baymax hovered over the city. The robot performed his typical bioscan searching for their missing friend.

"I touched back with Aunt Cass. She's called the police and Cruz is on the case now as well." Gogo chimed in.

"Yeah, well, it looks like he just found something." Fred responded from where he kept watch, right above the trolley stop where Varian was last seen. "Cruz just pulled up to the apartment complex down the street from Gogo and Honey Lemon's place."

"Okay, we'll meet you there." Hiro said as he ordered the rest of the gang to reconvene.

They arrived back at the bus stop just in time to see Officer Cruz and his men dragging El Feugo out of his apartment building.

"Oooh I knew he was up to something!" Honey Lemon shouted, and before her friends could stop her, she took off running towards the arrest in progress.

                                                  ----------------------

"What is the meaning of this!?" The wrestler bellowed. "I demand a lawyer!"

"You'll get one." Cruz said as he forcefully shoved the suspect into the back of the police van. But before he could close the door, he was greeted by one of the Big Hero Six members running up to meet them.

"What did you do to Varian!?" The tall one in pink armor yelled accusingly at the perpetrator.

She had to be held back back by her fellow superheroes, who rushed up to join them, before she could lunge at the man seated in the paddy wagon.

Chief Cruz was not amused.

"This is official police business. Vigilantes are not needed nor welcomed when making an arrest."

"Sorry Officer Cruz," the shortest of the team apologized. "We're just looking for a friend of ours. Did you find him?"

"That's classified information." He said and he turned to leave.

"Please?" The superhero asked again, the desperation in his voice was evident. Cruz ignored him as he finished closing the vehicle door. He then ordered his men to move out, leaving only himself, his deputy, and a few of the forensic team behind as the criminal was hauled away.

The superheroes didn't budge. They wouldn't leave until they heard a straightforward answer from him. Cruz sighed. It looked like he was going to have to drop the niceties and tell the ugly truth.

"No we did not find him." He said as he faced the gang once more. "We got an anonymous tip off that El Fuego was seen with the missing person last night and articles of the victim's clothing were found inside the suspect's apartment when we came to question him. Said suspect is wanted for breaking patrol and we'll be conducting further investigation at the station."

"Clothing?" The green suited hero asked.

As if in answer to this query, some of the forensic people started to load up some of the evidence into their van.

"I have found Varian's goggles." The largest of the heroes said while pointing to one of the sealed bags that they carried; it did indeed contain the aforementioned goggles. He was a very imposing looking figure in his red armor, but his voice sounded very soft and lilting; almost robotic even.

Cruz raised an eyebrow at him, "Got good eyesight, hun?"

"Just his goggles? That's all?" The shortest of the heroes despaired. "But that doesn't make any sense."

"And that's why you're only an amateur." Cruz berated. "Clearly this is more than just a one person job. El Feugo has to be working with someone else and he handed the boy off to them, and who knows how many kids might be involved in such a plot. The more you six keep butting in the more risk you take in tipping off El Feugo's accomplices."

"So you don't think Varian was taken for any specific reasons," the one in yellow stated, "you think he's just the latest victim of a larger scam."

Cruz narrowed his eyes in suspicion, "And why would anyone want to kidnap Varian especially?"

His question went ignored; instead the leader of the group tried to bargain with him.

"Look, we can help you find him, and any other missing kids. Bay--- Red Panda here has bio-scanners and-"

"And where did you get such tech?" Cruz interrupted. The superhero visibly stiffened at that question, clearly unwilling to answer.

"What aren't you telling me?" Cruz continued to press. He was rapidly losing patience with them. "You listen here, this isn't a game. There are lives on the line and I don't have time to play twenty questions. So answer me. What do you know about Varian's disappearance?"

"Nothing…. No more than you do anyways." The short hero responded. "I mean we have some theories but nothing substantial to back them up."

"Theories alone won't save lives," Cruz said. "You need to stay out of this. Leave it to the professionals. Cause I swear to you, if I have to go tell my best friend that I found her child lying dead in a gutter cause you went and hindered an investigation, I will throw the book at you."

This last threat seemed to finally get through to them. Cruz couldn't make out their faces clearly behind the heroes' tinted visors, but he swore he saw the smallest one fighting to blink back tears. He just hoped a stern rebuttal was all that it would take to keep the vigilantes at bay as he entered his police car and drove away; leaving the small group of 'crime fighters' standing forlornly on the sidewalk.

                                                  ----------------------

Varian carefully poured the battery acid out of the dismantled motor and into the glass. He had found it inside an emergency backup generator storaged next to computers. Varian guessed that his captors wanted the option to remain off grid in case they had to lie low from the authorities.

He stalled when a drop of the corrosive chemical spilled onto the table.

"Steady...steady…" He whispered to himself as he readjusted and continued to empty the motor's contents. He desperately wished for a pair of gloves or an apron, or something. The lab he was currently held in was more geared towards engineering and computer programming and sorely lacking in both chemistry sets and safety equipment.

He also didn't know where his goggles went. He figured they got knocked off during the struggle last night. Perhaps not the most pressing of matters at the moment, but the lost still pained him. He had so little left of his old life that he hated to lose anymore.

He finished transferring the acid into the cup and placed the motor down. Then he tried to think of his next step as he raised the glass to better see his handy work.

It wasn't much, but the small amount of liquid would have to do. His only hope was that; one, the ninjas were ignorant of chemistry and two, he could catch them off guard and throw the corrosive contents at them. He prayed that would be distraction enough to get beyond the door and then hopefully make his way to freedom.

It was a pitiful plan, he knew, but he was dealing with limited resources.

It was a plan destined to fail.

One of the ninjas came up from behind him and grabbed his wrist.  

Varian let out a yelp of both pain and surprise. The warrior's grip was strong, more so than normal, and Varian felt like he was caught in a vise.

"Hey, I need that!" He protested as the ninja proceeded to move Varian's hand, and the glass full of acid with it, towards himself. Then without saying a word, the hired assassin used his free hand to grab the bottom of the glass and rip it away from Varian. He then tossed it into the trash nearby.

Well so much for that idea.

The ninja then released him and Varian ruefully tried to rub away the soreness in his wrist.  

"How am I supposed to work like this?" Varian bluffed. "You asked me to build a portal for you and I got to have fuel to power it up, don't I?"

His guard didn't respond and instead took up his position next to the door once more.

Varian rolled his eyes and grumbled under his breath. He was making a show of his displeasure in order to hide the panic rising up within him.

What now? He thought. His eyes scanned the room once more and landed upon the other guard that stood at the opposite end of the room. Varian glared at him; almost challenging the ninja to say or do, well, something , anything.

"Can I get that sandwich y'all promised?" He sarcastically asked. But still neither of his captors said anything.

It was unnerving the way they never talked. It didn't help that their masks covered their whole face either. Varian supposed it was made of some sort of mesh that allowed the wearer to see out but from his point of view it just looked like they didn't have a face at all. It was just a formless black void where the eyes and mouth should have been.

That was probably the point; an intimidation tactic while also allowing them to keep their anonymity. Didn't stop him from being creeped out by them though.

Varian sighed deeply in resignation. His usual tricks just weren't going to help him here, and there was no way he could fight off both of them. He was way out matched, he knew.

So I guess there's nothing to it but to give Yama what he wants. Varian thought. Then another realisation struck him. "That's it! I'll make him portal alright!" He yelled to no one in particular. Let the guards hear him. All he was going to do was precisely what was asked of him, and it was going to be brilliant.

                                                  ----------------------

The Big Hero Six gang huddled upon a rooftop as they discussed what to do next.

"It just doesn't make sense." Fred said as he rubbed his chin in thought. He was perched on top of the ledge, looking for all the world like a gargoyle come to life. "El Fuego only ever cared about proving himself the best fighter. Why would he suddenly start abducting people?"

"Didn't you hear officer Cruz?" Wasabi replied."Someone else must have paid him to do it. He's just in it for the money."

"No, no, that still doesn't add up." Fred shook his head. "He just got back into wrestling. He shouldn't need the money, and why would he risk losing his dream job by committing a felony? Not to mention just leaving an article of your victim's clothing right there in your apartment, now that's just sloppy… amateurish even."

"Well no one said El Fuego was the brightest bulb in the box." Hiro chimed in as he read Baymax's latest scan readings.

"What are you getting at Fred?" Gogo asked.

"It smells like a setup to me." Fred answered. "It's a classic frame job. Just plant the evidence in the poor sap's apartment in order to throw the cops off your own trail."

"You can't be serious," came Honey Lemon's sardonic retort.

Everyone looked at her in surprise. She had been silently stewing over in the corner since they parted ways with the police. Now she was glaring daggers right at Fred as she crossed her arms and drummed her fingers.

No one ever knew what to do when Honey Lemon got angry about something. It was such a rare occurrence, like an ice storm in May. Sure, it technically could happen and has before, but you're never expecting it when it does.

Fortunately Fred was spared her chilly wrath when Gogo's phone rang.

"Hello? Yeah, hold on." She removed the phone from her ear. " It's Carl." She said as she pressed the speaker button.

"Hey, I just heard about El Fuego's arrest." Carl's voice rang out. "Did the police find anything?"

"No." Hiro told him. "They think he was working for someone else but they don't know who."

"I might know," Came Carl's weary response. "Some old associates of mine contacted me about a job. I told them I wasn't interested, but they then started asking about Varian. I thought they were trying to recruit him into their gang, and in no uncertain terms, I told them to leave the kid alone or risk losing their spleens. But it's starting to look like my words fell on deaf ears." He gave a heavy sigh. "Look, Globby and I are at Good Luck Alley right now doing some snooping. I don't wanna say too much over the phone in case anyone is eavesdropping. Why don't you meet us somewhere more secure?"

"We could meet you back at the apartments." Gogo suggested.

"Sounds good. I'll see ya there in a few, then." He then hung up.

As everyone made ready to leave, Hiro spotted the police van carrying El Fugeo stop at a red light beneath them.

"You guys go ahead and meet up with Carl. Baymax and I are going to go interrogate our westling friend down there before he gets to the station."

"I'm going with you." Honey Lemon said.

"Alright. As soon as you learn anything, call us and we'll do the same." Hiro ordered as he and Baymax flew down to meet the armored vehicle with Honey Lemon following closely behind.

                                                  ----------------------

El Fuego felt the police van rock wildly as something heavy landed on the vehicle's roof. Then a green substance started to seep through the ceiling in a bubbling ring; eating away at the metal like acid. Suddenly a strong arm punched the deteriorated circle and the metal clattered to the floor as three members of Big Hero Six swooped in.

"Where's Varian!?" The tall woman growled as she snatched him by the shirt collar and practically lifted him off the ground.

"I don't know." The wrestler insisted.

"You were with him last night and the police found his goggles in your apartment." The shortest superhero said. "Please, we just want to find him, and if you know anything at all about where he might be you need to tell us before he gets hurt."

El Fugeo gave a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I know something. But I'm not the one who kidnapped him! I don't play that game."

"Then who did?" The short superhero pressed.

"Yama. Two of his goons approached me last night before the show about 'a job'. I told them I wasn't interested and that I had a fight to win. Turns out they were after the kid. What for, I don't know, but I had just met him earlier that day. He happens to be a  fan of mine.  Well I wasn't about to let one of my fans get accosted, was I? So I walked him and his girlfriend to the bus and saw them safely home. It was easy to, since they didn't live far from me.  I even gave them a couple of tickets to tonight's match, just so that I could keep an eye on them. I figured if Yama's paid thugs showed up I could scare them off ya know."

The heroes frowned. "You mean you were trying to help?" The short one asked. "Then why didn't you contact the police?"

"Oh sure, with my record? I'm trying to keep out of jail, remember? Also how was I to know the chump would leave his girl's apartment in the middle of the night? Geez that aunt of his must be one chapada a la antigua, am I right?"

He wasn't sure what he had said wrong, but El Fuego found himself being roughly shoved back into his seat as the tall woman angrily flung him away from her grasp. Then without another word she jumped out of the vehicle the way she had come, her special boots springing her upwards at a height most normal people could never achieve.

The other two followed after her.

"Hey wait!" He called out and the short superhero stuck his head back down to see what the wrestler wanted. "I...I hope you find him." He sincerely said.

The superhero nodded. "Yeah, me too." The crack in his voice was evident even to El Fugeo.

                                                  ----------------------

Hiro joined Honey Lemon and Baymax on the nearest rooftop.

Honey Lemon stood stock still, her hands clenched into fists, as she watched the police van leave.

"He's such a jerk!" She suddenly fumed.  

"Yeah, you're right, he is," Hiro agreed, "but he's also innocent."

Honey Lemon looked at him in surprise, but Hiro pressed on.

"I think he's telling the truth. His story confirms what Carl said earlier and we both know Yama would have reasons to kidnap Varian. I think El Fuego was legitimately trying to help, in his own annoying way."

Honey Lemon opened her mouth to retort but nothing came out as she racked her brain for a counter argument. She then sobbed as she flopped down on the ledge and pulled her helmet off.

"But doesn't it make you angry?" She cried. "Varian's still missing and that… that creep , he… ooooh.." She couldn't even form words through her rage.

"I'm too scared to get angry right now." Hiro quietly admitted.

This stopped Honey Lemon from launching into another rant. Instead she gave him a pout as she blinked back tears.

"Our only hope right now," Hiro continued, "is that Yama nabbed him because that crime boss he works for wanted Varian' s portal tech, and not, you know, for revenge. Cause if this is about the money he lost in the bot fight then… then Varian could already be seriously hurt." He sighed and took a seat next to Honey Lemon. "Maybe Cruz is right. Maybe we're only making things worse."

"Y-you can't mean that."

"What happens to Varian if that crime lord figures out we're on to him? Hun? What happens if Yama knows we're involved, cause he hates us too.  Or, you know, maybe it's our fault for giving Varian that portal tech in the first place! O-or if we hadn't chased Mr. Sparkles down when he stole that first portal, then the two wouldn't have reconnected and Varian could be back safe in his world an-"

"Stop it." Honey Lemon said softly. She locked eyes with Hiro. "Stop blaming yourself for things you can't control. You had no idea that this would happen. No one did, and you are not responsible for what Yama does."

Hiro reflected on her words but didn't respond. She was right, he knew, but that didn't stop the guilt bubbling in his chest.

"Also Varian's world is even more dangerous than this one." She went on. "So it's a good thing he came here and met us. That's why we're going to bring his father here once he gets the portal working. Which he will, I'm sure. So will find Varian, rescue his dad, and then we'll all be together. Everyone will be safe and we'll all live happily ever after!"

She flashed him her usual cheerful smile, but it quickly faded as she noted Hiro's mournful eyes.

"C-cause after all, no one deserves to lose as much as we have." She uttered as if trying to convince herself more than anything. "Surely the universe isn't that cruel."

Both teens sat in silence for several minutes as Baymax continued his bioscan of the city.

"There's an incoming call coming from Gogo." The robot announced.

"Yeah, put her on speaker." Hiro said.

"Hey," the other girl's voice rang out, "Carl and Globby found a lead."

"Where?"

"Down by the docks. Meet us at Ryōshi Warf."

"Okay. We're on our way."

                                                  ----------------------

"So, how's things going?" Yama bellowed as he slammed the door to the lab open.

Varian visibly jumped at the intrusion but quickly gathered his wits about him. 'Never let your captor know how scared you really are of them', was a lesson Varian had to learn the hard way back in prison.

"It's going well." He said eveningly. "In fact I was just about to do a test run. Would you like to watch?"

Yama cocked a grin. This was going better than he had planned. He had originally expected the inventing process to take at least a few days, and probably would have required some more 'persuasion' tactics to go with it. But nope, the kid had finished in record time and was being very cooperative. The boss would be very pleased if Yama could show up tomorrow with a working portal. You know, after, he 'test ran' it on a few banks first.

"Alright, lets see it kid. Whatcha got?"

Varian picked up a remote control off the table and scooped up the magnetic balls that had belonged Sirque. The whole set up was similar to his first go at a portable portal, back when he and his friends had faced off with the acrobatic thief. However, this time he had built a computer interface into the remote instead of the more simple dial he had originally used. He had also programmed ways to gauge the velocity and temperature of the portal to keep it from overheating like last time.

"Okay, pick a place." He told the mob boss. "Though it needs to be within city limits since this is a short range test."

Yama rolled his shoulders and pursed his lips in thought. "Hmm… try the abandoned fisherman's warehouse on Canary street. I was thinking of making that a new bot fighting arena. We could check it out real quick."

Varian tried to slow his racing heart as he entered the coordinates. He had only one shot at this.

He then threw the magnets into the air and flipped a switch on the remote. The balls began to spin in the air as they linked up and a portal began to form.  

It came out right next to the warehouse.

"Haha! Good work kid!" Yama laughed as he good naturedly slapped Varian across the back. He nearly stumbled from the force, but righted himself quickly as Yama walked through the portal.

The mobster then turned around towards him and beamed. "Now we gotta hit up some banks! Can you make a portal inside a safe or better yet, inside a jewelry store?"

"Sure thing." Varian lied as he went and flipped the switch off on the remote. The portal promptly closed, leaving Yama stranded on the docks.

The ninjas immediately started to close in on Varian.

"Woah, woah, no need to get angry. It was just an accident. Look, the coordinates are still set. All I have to do is turn the portal on again and he can come back. See?"

Varian held up the remote so that his jailors could read the screen for themselves. They paused in their tracks, though one still loomed threateningly over him. He gulped as he flipped the switch once more.

The magnets floated back up into the air of their own accord and then proceeded to spin again. However this time the portal opened up over on the opposite side of the warehouse, back behind the street.

Varian steeled himself as he made a fist.

"This biggest, ugliest, bully you can think of."

He recalled Carl's advice as he swung with all his might and punched the ninja nearest to him in the jaw.

There was a sickening, unnatural crunching sound that Varian didn't want to think too hard about as he jumped through the portal.

Once through he quickly switched the remote off.

He turned around, and to his horror he saw the other ninja following after him through the rapidly shrinking portal.  Varian tried to call out a warning to him, but it was too late. The portal closed, cutting off the ninja's right arm.  But it wasn't blood that spilled from the wound. Instead electricity sparked from severed wires as the relentless robot stalked towards Varian.

"Oh no."

                                                  ----------------------

"I have found Varian." Baymax calmly stated.

The robot had never ceased running his bioscanners throughout the day. While his humans discussed strategy, he had kept a lookout on the edge of the pier as he scanned the boardwalk and docks.

"Wait. Really?" Hiro hopefully asked.

"Way to go Baymax! Alright!" Fred cheered and offered the droid a customary high five.

"Where is he?" Gogo asked.

"Over there, at the abandoned warehouse." He dutifully replied.

                                                  ----------------------

They found Yama outside talking on his cellphone as they approached the fishing warehouse.

"Listen up! I need you bozos to bring a car around and pick me up. I'm at the doc-"

"You're not going anywhere!" Wasabi said as the heroes surrounded the villain.

Honey Lemon threw some of her chimballs at him and a purple substance encased Yama's feet pinning him in place.

"Where's Varian?" Gogo asked, but before the mobster could answer Baymax chimed in.

"Varian is that way." He pointed towards the warehouse once more.

Yama looked confused. "I left the kid at the hideout. He shouldn't be here."

"Wasabi, Fred, stay with Yama and keep a lookout." Hiro said. "See if you can get any more information out of him while you're at it. Gogo and Honey Lemon, check the building. I'm going to fly up with Baymax and see if we can pinpoint Varian's location better."

                                                  ----------------------

Varian ran, but his pursuer was close behind. He knew he couldn't out run the robot, but there was little else to do.  He dodged a shuriken as it whizzed through the air and dove down the nearest alley.

Dead end.

He turned to face his attacker; casting his eyes about desperately looking for anything to defend himself with. He found nothing.  

The faceless android strode forward without remorse and Varian did the only thing he could. He threw up his fists, planted his feet, and took up the defensive position Carl had taught him.

The robot threw its last shuriken and Varian ducked to miss it. He then quickly stood back up just in time to block a blow from the deadly droid.

It hurt, but not as much as a busted nose would have. He then blocked a second punch, and then a third.

The ninja fell back and decided to give a roundhouse kick instead. Varian flopped down to avoid it and the robot's foot lodged itself into the brick wall.

Varian took this as an opportunity to kick back from where he sat on the ground. It wasn't nearly as graceful nor as strong as his opponent's had been but it managed to knock the android off balance anyway.

That was when Baymax and Hiro arrived.

Varian nearly cried with relief as the larger robot shot out his rocket punch and sent the fake ninja slamming into the wall before it shortcurited and crumbled up into a heap.

Hiro tore off his helmet. "Are you alright?"

"I think-" before he could finish the younger teen grabbed into a tight hug. "...so."

Varian stared down at the other boy, waiting for him to let go, but he didn't relinquish his grip. That's when Varian noticed that Hiro was crying.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm okay. Honest." Varian awkwardly said as he tried his best to comfort the other kid.

Hiro sniffled and tried to compose himself before letting go. "Baymax, do a scan." He ordered.

"You appeared to have suffered no major injuries. However traumatic events can cause psychological stress. I recommend talking with your ther-"

"It's okay Baymax." Varian interrupted. "I'm fine. Thank you, though."

"Then I am also glad that you are alright." The robotic nurse opened his arms wide and gave Varian a hug as well. "There, there." It said as it patted his head and Varian had to stifle a laugh.

"We better meet up with the others." Hiro said.

                                                  ----------------------

There were more hugs waiting for Varian when they rejoined the rest of the gang on the docks. Honey Lemon in particular just about squeezed all the air out of his lungs.

"So let me get this straight?" Fred asked, "You got to fight off a robot ninja!?"

"Two of them."

"Awe, I am so jelly!"

"So what do we do about Yama here?" Wasabi asked.

Hiro walked up to the mob boss and started to interrogate him "Who's this Bosu?"

"I'm not squealing." Yama said. "I know my rights, and you armored droks ain't cops."

"Well okay then," Gogo taunted. "I guess we'll just call the cobs and leave you to them."

Yama made a displeased face but still said no more.

"We'll drop you off at the police station, Varian." Hiro said. "You can tell Cruz about El Fuego's innocence and he'll take you home. Gogo phone ahead and let the police know where Yama is. You and Wasabi can stay behind and guard him till they arrive."  

"Got it."

"Honey Lemon, will you let Carl and Globby know what's going on. Tell them they can call off the search."

She hummed her acknowledgement.

"What about me?" Fred asked.

"You wanna take Minimax and do tonight's patrol?" Hiro asked.

"On it." He saluted.

And with that Hiro and Varian hopped on Baymax's back and flew away.

                                                  ----------------------

Aunt Cass was waiting for Varian when he and Chief Cruz pulled up. He barely made it through the door of the cafe before she flung herself at him and asked him a million and one questions.

Where had he been? What happened? Was he hurt? Was he hungry? Did they need to call the doctor? And so on and so on…

Varian answered them as best he could, conveniently leaving out Hiro's involvement.

"Well looks like my job here is done." Cruz said as he took his leave.

"Thank you Diego. I don't know what we would do without you." Aunt Cass said.

"Naw, don't mention it. I'm just doing my duty, besides Varian's quick thinking is what got him out of that mess. It's a good thing you're talking self defense classes at the gym. I always recommend young people should know self defense of some kind."

They then exchanged goodbyes and Cruz left.

"And you didn't want me to learn boxing." Varian teased.

However Aunt Cass only looked at him with tearful eyes.

"What is it?"

She sighed. "How does one boy find himself in so much trouble so often?"

Varian felt his cheeks flush and he lowered his eyes. He waited on another lecture, but it never came.

"I know, it's not your fault." She said as she lifted his face. "It's just…so… so… bizzare. You escape one death trap only to fall right into another." She blinked in bafflement. "Am I doing something wrong?"

"Noooo, no, of course not. It's not your fault either that Yama's a jerk."

"But I'm supposed to protect you." She insisted and then pressed her forehead against his.

"And you're doing great at it." Varian said as he pulled away to look her in the eye.

"You could say that again." Hiro proclaimed as he came down stairs to join them.

Aunt Cass gave them both a grateful smile before scooping them into a family group hug.

                                                  ----------------------

"List Newton's Three Laws of Motion." Honey Lemon read off the study sheet in her hand.

"Every object in a state of uniform motion will remain in that state of motion unless an external force acts on it.

Force equals mass times acceleration.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Varian rattled off.

He had only heard of Isaac Newton upon coming to this world, but the famed alchemist's theories and equations weren't too far off from Varian's on calculations. Turns out that he only predated the physicist by about ten years.

"Annd that's it. We're done with the practice test." Honey Lemon said.

"Woot!" Varian cheered and threw his arms up in the air. "How did I do?"

"You got every question right, except for Einstein's birthday."

Varian curled his lip in irritation. "It's a physics exam, not a history test."  

This only sent Honey Lemon into a fit of giggles. It was good to hear her laughing again. He hadn't seen her smile since the wrestling match two days ago, but she had cheered up considerably since then and now they were back in her apartment resuming their studies.

"Do you wanna break for lunch?" He asked.

"Sure."

                                                  ----------------------

They found their friends all at Joe's Diner. Including, Carl, Globby, and El Fuego.

"Ah if it isn't my fans!" The wrestler called out.

Varian stiffened and gave Honey Lemon a side glance. But the other girl just continued to smile, and was a genuine smile at that.

"Hi." She sang as she walked over to join everyone and Varian allowed himself to relax.

"Globby here was just telling us about his newest passion project." Wasabi explained as they sat down.

"I call it the S.R.S." Globby excitedly went on. "The Supervillain Reform School! It'll be a support group for former villains and convicts trying to get back up on their feet and reenter society. What do ya think?"

"I think it's a great idea." Hiro chimed in.

"Yeah and if you need any help let us know." Honey Lemon added.

"And I'll be the first graduate, hey amigo." El Fuego laughed as he playfully nudged Globby in his non-existent ribs.  

"Oooh I smell a former super villain turned heroes team up in the air!" Fred said as he practically vibrated with excitement.

Carl chuckled, "Well I don't know about that, but it'll be a great way to give back to the community and help out some of the younger folks who keep getting dragged into the constant turf wars around here. Hopefully give them some opportunities besides taking dirty deals from Yama and whatever new crime lord pops up each month."

"That's really cool of you guys." Gogo said.

Varian agreed, in fact the whole idea intrigued him immensely. "Do ya need any extra members? You know just to get the ball rolling."

"Sure!" Globby exclaimed. "The more the merrier! You can help Carl out with the youth outreach!"

"Glad to have ya on bored buddy." Carl said as he gave a Varian a fist bump.

"Well then I propose a toast to the new S.R.S.!" Honey Lemon cheered as she raised her milkshake up and everyone followed suit.

                                                  ----------------------

An ancient hand drummed it fingers upon the mahogany desk in irritation.

Of course that idiot Yama got himself captured.

Time for a new plan.

                                                  ----------------------

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[bwprowl]

Me vs. The Mitchells vs. The Machines

The Mitchells vs. The Machines is a really cool movie. Seriously! It’s the Spider-Verse crew continuing to be at the top of their game, doing their damnedest to elevate and evolve 3D film animation in a way apart from the ongoing Disneyfied edge-sanding seen elsewhere. Several sequences, especially the final fight scene at the end, are absolutely jaw-dropping. A lot of the writing of the movie is also genuinely clever, with some cool tricks of weaving in Chekov’s Guns that you don’t even realize WERE Chekov’s Guns until they’re deployed, but then make perfect sense. And I also just have to say there’s something oddly heartening about a movie that does a lot to target Millenials in terms of nostalgia, but not so much via our shows and movies and music the way other project might go about, but specifically by tapping the internet meme culture of the early-00’s that’s so media-unique to that emergent generation. There’s some genuine heart visible in so many of the levels of how this thing was made that I can understand its touting as an instant classic and the waves of praise and popularity that have followed its release.

Unfortunately, I can’t so unilaterally praise this movie, mostly because I can NOT stop thinking about how poorly-implemented and mis-framed its central familial conflict is.

Oh yeah spoilers for this movie I guess

So I’ll need to detour at first and talk about A Goofy Movie, which isn’t much of an issue for me since I fucking love A Goofy Movie. And watching The Mitchells vs. The Machines my initial takeaway was a pleasant observation that someone had basically grafted A Goofy Movie to The World’s End, which could have made for an extremely fun time for me. A Goofy Movie, so it goes, centers on the conflict between a father and child trying to understand each other, spurred on by the father conscripting the child into an impromptu road-trip which the child initially resents but eventually leans into as a vehicle for understanding as the family members open up to each other and end with a greater appreciation for their familial bond as well as healthier, more open lines of communication. There are comical misunderstandings, dramatic misunderstandings, and escalating Wacky Adventures that keep the trip feeling suitably cinematic in scope. And as The Mitchells vs. The Machines continued on, I kept finding myself rounding back to that comparison and asking “Why am I not getting into this as much as I do A Goofy Movie?”

It turns out to be a point of motivation, actually. In A Goofy Movie, Goofy dragooning Max into the cross-country fishing trip is immediately borne out of his (however misinformed) desire to keep his son from going down a wrong, potentially delinquent or criminal path. Goofy has concerns about the lessened connection and communication with Max, sure, but that’s a symptom of his inability to communicate his actual worries about Max’s behavior to him, not the sum total of the problem he feels needs fixing. Goofy is under the impression there are genuine problems Max is going through, and while he’s got the actual particulars wrong, he’s not really that far off, since Max still IS the kind of kid to elaborately hijack a school function or make up extravagant lies to get attention from the girl he likes rather than just talking to her and asking her out like a normal human-dog-person. Goofy’s objective is firmly centered on helping Max for Max’s sake, and he’s only taking up a few weeks out of Max’s summer and causing him to miss a single party in order to do it.

I lay all that out so you can try to understand my headspace coming at critiquing The Mitchells vs. The Machines and negatively viewing its own take on a plot concept I ostensibly love by default. The problem, as said, is one of motivation. In The Mitchells, Rick’s dissatisfaction with his relationship with his daughter Katie is purely that: Dissatisfaction with their relationship. Katie herself is, by all accounts, doing spectacularly. She’s got a healthy relationship with friends and other family members, she’s gotten accepted into a prestigious film school, and her YouTube account seems to pull pretty keen numbers (With all the tech jokes in this movie it’s a wonder there’s never a riff on her shilling NordVPN or Raid Shadow Legends). The conflict between father and daughter is purely a case of them growing apart in her teen years demonstrably because Rick has no understanding of her current passions and makes no effort to do so, which leads to him having consistently questioned and doubted her ability to succeed in her field. The film frames the impromptu road-trip as his attempt to ‘fix’ the issues between them, but the only thing broken by the presentation of the story is Rick’s approach to parenting in the first place. He could easily have made Katie warm to him on the way out by replacing or paying for the laptop he broke and throwing her a subscription to her YouTube channel, but then the movie would be shorter and we wouldn’t be able to pretend the conflict was anything other than his own pursuit of self-centered actualization.

That’s the other issue, of course, the way The Mitchells vs. The Machines consistently rounds back to the point that Katie is somehow shouldering half the responsibility for the father/daughter communication breakdown. But as stated above, it really has hardly anything to do with her. Katie’s succeeding on her own terms, and the only outreach she would theoretically need to do to her dad would be to make HIM feel better, something he could do himself if he’d only actually pay attention to the cool videos she keeps trying to show him and not constantly deciding that HE knows that SHE will fail. It’s a fundamentally one-sided conflict from what we’re shown, and yet the other members of the Mitchell family continuously treat Katie like she needs to accommodate her father’s personal whims and not hurt his feelings despite the fact that he’s the one who went behind her back and canceled her flight, even forcing her to miss her first week of college (!) simply because he felt sorry for himself that they didn’t like the same things anymore. Again, Katie’s doing great, it’s Rick that decides to make his problem the entire family’s problem, and while I’m going to hesitate to refer to this behavior as out-and-out abusive, it is still absurdly selfish and pointedly poor parenting. 

The movie seems to nominally strive for balance in the conflict, not making it entirely Katie’s job to fix her dad’s hurt feelings, and indeed having a whole sequence where he realizes what a Big Jerk he’s been about not trying to understand or support her passions, and resolving to actually Make An Effort moving forward. The problem is that this is still framed as one half of the equation, as Katie supposedly gets to understand where her dad is coming from, which...makes her feel better about all the times he said she would fail and so she should rely on and appreciate him more? And the reason that’s a fundamental issue is annoying, because it means we have to talk about Rick’s Stupid Fucking Cabin.

Look, I hate doing this. I personally try very hard to keep in the mindset that stories are stories and things happen in them because they are stories. I am loathe to attempt picking apart the points of particular plot points, but the problem is that this Stupid Fucking Cabin is positioned as the heart of the humanity of the entire movie, yet it hinges on a sequence of decisions that no actual human being would ever come by. First off, do you have any idea how long it takes to BUILD a home like that, let alone as one guy apparently doing it himself? Rick spent the better part of his twenties building this big Fucking Stupid Cabin to fulfill his lifelong dream of ‘Living in the woods’, only for his wife to get pregnant once it was finished, leading to him just dropping like that? Was there no planning in this family? Was Katie an accident that Rick immediately was this endeared to? I mean, he totally seems like a pro-lifer. But then why do they need to sell the Stupid Fucking Cabin on account of a kid coming along? How were Rick and Linda planning on living out their lives there if not with resources that could support them as well as a kid or two? Rick could have just raised his kids in the woods in his Stupid Fucking Cabin and they would have stood a better chance at turning out like little duplicates of himself and his own interests like he clearly wanted. That’s to say nothing of this sequence of events being framed as a ‘failure’, despite that fact that Rick handily succeeded at what he set out to do, only to turn around and abandon the thing he succeeded at himself on seemingly the same sort of impulsive whim that leads to him dragging his whole family on a road trip because he doesn’t understand YouTube. There are motivating factors to these decisions he made that could inform the whole context of this supposedly tragic backstory, but we aren’t privy to anything resembling them, and the result is a plot point that seemingly only exists to make Katie (and the audience) feel bad for Rick in the third act of the movie.

The real answer is the ultimate assertion of this thing by the finale, that Katie should be ‘grateful’ to Rick for his ‘sacrifice’ of his dream that supposedly allowed her to be in the place she is now. Except Katie had no part in Rick’s bizarre impulsive choice to build a Stupid Fucking Cabin then sell it as soon as a kid popped out so he, I guess, could feel some sense of important familial contribution. That’s to say nothing of the point about parental figures who make grand, sweeping gestures nominally for the good of their kids, but are effectively and emotionally unavailable in the day-to-day engagements of their lives. Because unlike Goofy in A Goofy Movie, Rick isn’t actually doing what he’s doing for Katie’s sake. Her motivation for most of the movie is to move away from home and go to college, a completely normal-ass thing that children do. Any of Rick’s outreach or efforts to ‘fix’ relationships and situations are purely for the sake of his own hurt feelings, and the way Katie’s mother and brother consistently push her into going along with them only highlights the overt way this whole family’s problems are hung up on the insecurities of of this single stubborn jerk. But then, that’s my other major misgiving with The Mitchells vs. The Machines: Its expected exaltation of the default biological family as some hallowed unit for which it is a tragedy to fall into any degree of dysfunction. This is with pointed dismissal towards the idea of Found Family, seen as a distraction, an obstacle to Katie realizing who her TRUE people are, and coming around to a sense of fulfillment because she managed to massage her dad’s ego for long enough that he stopped being totally dismissive of the things that brought her joy. You see, Found Families are fun, but they aren’t REAL or SPECIAL because they already accept and appreciate you for who you are, unlike these people you’re biologically obligated to share living space with for 18+ years whom you have to forge bonds with through varying degrees of communication breakdowns and compromises in self-agency.

With all that in mind, it highlights some of the smaller issues in the movie’s setup as well. This is perhaps petty, but jeez was I annoyed with the film’s framing of The Mitchells as this ~craaaazy~ ~weeeeiiiird~ family which included such outlandish quirks as ‘Dad who doesn’t understand technology’ and ‘Young boy who really likes dinosaurs’. And the wishy-washy tone of the familial conflict is echoed in the ‘The Machines’ part of the plot, which mostly led to me sitting on edge throughout the whole film as I wondered how it was going to come down on the subject of those kids and their darn smartphones. It ultimately doesn’t go full anti-technology, which makes sense given how much of Katie’s character revolves around using the stuff, to say nothing of the predilections of the people who actually, uh, made this movie. But the most it can manage is a halfhearted “Maybe unregulated big tech bad?” which even then is undercut, mostly I assume because of the various big tech companies involved in producing and streaming this thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m overall glad it doesn’t go full "durr hburr technology is bad fire is scary and thomas edison was a witch", but a lack of any insight or ideas on that front means that the familial relationship element is the only conceptual element it really has to stand on, and I just spent over 1800 words breaking down why that fundamentally didn’t work!

It’s an aggravating situation, because lord did I want to love The Mitchells vs. The Machines. It’s gorgeous, it’s got some clever bits in the writing, and it can honestly sling a punchline like nobody’s business, there are some KILLER jokes in there. But it just became impossible all the way through the end for me to engage with the heart of the movie, its central connective conflict, on the terms it wanted me to. Now it’s admittedly possible that, perhaps like Rick Mitchell, that’s my problem. I’ve seen a lot of love for this movie from my peers, and it does make me question my own projections: I don’t want to get TOO personal on main, but I admit that it’s entirely possible that people who’ve enjoyed an actually functional fatherly relationship would better engage with the emotive connections this movie wants you to make. But even with that caveat, I was able to find my own way to resonate with the similar stakes of A Goofy Movie just thanks to the more effective way that one was framed, so if this one couldn’t hook me, maybe it was The Mitchells vs. The Machines’ fault after all.

[outoftownagain]

The best restaurants in Santorini, Greece

This, of course, isn't a definite list. We didn't even try a fraction of what the culinary world of Santorini has to offer and I am sure there are plenty of equally fantastic or better places. But by these 5 restaurants stood out for us and came recommended by other travelers and locals.

Hope you're not hungry!

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1. Μεταξύ Μας / Metaxi Mas 9FQ5+H2 Exo Gonia, Greece www.santorini-metaximas.gr

Metaxi Mas is a must whether you take a taxi, rent a four-wheeler, or simply walk from the charming village of Pyrgos. (We were advised very strongly against doing the latter by a very nice lady at a souvenir store: "It's not possible to walk, it's in the next village! But it is a wonderful restaurant, you must make it there regardless," she said. We did it anyway and it took about half an hour of walking downhill.) And just like pretty much everyone we spoke to about Metaxi Mas promised, it is absolutely amazing. You won't find your regular horiatiki and moussaka here, but by the time you make it here, you've most likely had enough of those and will be excited to take a quick break. You'll also have a change of view, because the cozy terrace is overlooking the airport and the less photographed side of the island, which may be slightly less iconic but gorgeous nonetheless. We started with Smoked Fish in a Chickpea Stew and the moment we tasted the dish, we knew that it would be the best meal on the island. We continued with Shrimp saganaki finished with ouzo, tomato sauce, fennel and feta cheese, which I will remember for a long time. And then, for a finale, a Spicy fried pork with Assyrtiko Santorini wine (which we were about to learn all about at a nearby winery, Santo Wines) with peppers, onion, garlic, Santorini cherry tomatoes, feta cheese and boukovo—red pepper flakes. Were we full? Of course. Did we want more? Absolutely! It was our last day on Santorini, so we knew we wouldn't have time to return to Metaxi Mas, so we asked our lovely waitress if she could suggest just one more, small dish, simply because everything was so delicious that we'd love another bite. She said that her favorite thing on the menu was Oven-baked asparagus with Cretan graviera cheese and estragon, and we thought that a little asparagus appetizer would be a perfect finishing touch to this feast. Little did we know that the "small dish" is in fact a huge plate filled with lots and lots of hot, melty, delicious cheese (with a little bit of asparagus buried deep under). It was way more than we wanted but way too delicious to leave behind and a taxi to take us to the wine tour at Santo Wines was already waiting. We might have burnt our mouths a little but we finished the asparagus and our wonderful waitress brought us a dessert packed to go because she knew we had to go. If you're in Santorini right now and looking for some delicious food, I couldn't be more jealous of you!

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2. To Psaraki Vlichada Marina, Vlichada 847 00, Greece www.topsaraki.gr

Near the southernmost tip of Santorini, at the end of Perivolos beach you'll find the charming Vlychada port. Arguably the best place to view it from (and definitely the most delicious one) is To Psaraki taverna. You'll have to drive or take a taxi there but the place is worth the trip. The actual restaurant is very nice but you really want to sit at the bright blue terrace across the street, which overlooks the port and the sea. Eating at To Psaraki feels like finding a hidden gem andt also like being on a Greek postcard at the same time.   The food is delicious and it starts from the very beginning—each table receives a bread basket and a portion of Santorini tomato paste with olive oil and oregano. (There is a tomato paste museum down the road, but it was still closed due to Covid when we visited.) We continued the feast with Fresh Greek mussels steamed with wine and spring onions (it's hard to imagine a more perfect dish to go with the view of sea and a distant smell of a seaport) after which a gorgeous Grilled Octopus arrived. Can't say that we were hungry anymore, but our main dish — fresh and homely amberjack was only about to be served. Accompanied by vegetables, tomatoes and a lemon, it was wonderful.

The restaurant overlooks the port and a short walkaway is Vlychada Beach with black sand, a beach bar and some amazing view of the cliffs, which makes it easy to spend a whole day in this small area.

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3.  Kokkalo 25is Martiou 25, Thira 847 00, Greece kokkalosantorini.com

We arrived in Santorini midday and after the initial shock caused by the overwhelming beauty of the view from the plane, then the taxi and finally from our suite, we were ready to eat. We picked Kokkalo purely because it was the closest recommended restaurant from our suite. It did take some climbing (everything in Santorini involves countless stairs and hills) and then a short walk along a busy, narrow street, but the place was 100% worth it.

We were greeted by a very friendly and quirky lady with a very particular sense of humor and a tray with 2 glasses of strong, local liquor. Day drinking it is! After hearing that we just arrived on the island, she was quick to recommend a local specialty—Santorini tomato fritters. "If you're going to have them, you need to have them here," she said, "we have cooking classes and we teach how to make them here." Tomato fritters are very tasty, but to be completely honest, it is one of those dishes that you try once and don't necessarily need to order again anytime soon.

We also got the Santorini Greek Salad and Chicken Souvlaki, which were both absolutely delicious and anyone could eat them every day for a long time. The presentation of the chicken deserves a special shoutout—it is definitely an attention-grabber when it arrives at the table.

Kokkalo is totally a great spot—it may not overlook the volcano, but staring into the flat side of Santorini with Anafi island in the distance is a pure pleasure! Mix that with great food, chilled wine and lovely service and you have a fantastic experience!

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4. Roka Mpotsari 6, Oía 847 02, Greece www.roka.gr

I'm not gonna lie, Roka was a bit of an accident (a great one though!) We hiked from Fira to Oia and we completely underestimated the time it would take us to complete the hike considering all the stops for wine, snacks, photos and views. They say that the hike takes from 3 to 6 hours and it did take us 6 hours (we're fast hikers but we stopped A LOT along the way to enjoy the views and wine) so when we finally got to Oia, we needed to eat before the sunset and most places were either booked or still closed because of Covid. We basically ran to check out Roka and it is semi-hidden in a maze of small, charming alleyways so we got a little lost trying to find it. We were greeted by a man who looked like he could be in a movie about a mafia-ran restaurant: white shirt and a tie, a sceptical gaze, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, and a brutal silence. He turned out to be our waiter and luckily he turned out to be very friendly, much contrary to our first impression of him.

We were seated at the small back patio lit by the setting sun and overlooking the sea and some less touristy parts of town and the island. The food was absolutely delicious yet presented in a slightly pretentious but cheesy way. It is not taverna food and obviously the chef is aspiring to a higher level of a dining experience. To start we were served rusk with olives and delicious tomato paste, which we learned was typical of Santorini, famous for its cherry tomatoes. Then we continued with ‘Imam Bayaldi’ with eggplant, shrimps, ’Oyzo’ glaze and chilli garlic mayo and Mushrooms Ragout on a sourdough bruschetta with caramelized onions, cream and gruyere sauce. Those two appetizers were quite Huge And Totally Satisfied Our Post-Hike Hunger, But We Had Two More Dishes Coming - Main Courses This Time.

Skioufikta - Traditional Greek Handmade Pasta with Caramelized Onion, Eggplant, Zucchini, Tomato and ’Xinoturi’ From Ios, which was light, delicate and delicious. The shape of pasta is a bit like cavatelli and is a perfect vessel for the summer flavors of this dish. Fresh Dorado Fillet came with fantastic Parsnip Puree, Braised Leek that melts in your mouth with Hazelnuts and was topped with long, thin crisps that gave it an additional texture. Satisfied and excited, we ran to the nearby Castle of Agios Nikolaos for a spectacular and unforgettable sunset.

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5. Naoussa Fira Santorini Next to the Central Orthodox Cathedral of Fira Town Mitropoleos Fira Town, Thira 847 00, Greece naoussasantorini.restaurant

When we arrived at this gigantic taverna, it was empty, with the only two guests eating at a table near the windows. We decided to sit at the other table with a view—right next to the couple finishing their dinner. It turned out to be a quite an unfortunate choice because those guests were an extreme example of a married couple who goes out to talk to other people in bars and restaurants. We spent the entire dinner listening about the wealth, success and amazing life of our co-diners, all the houses, apartments, businesses and countless trips all over the world were described in detail whether we wanted it or not. We also learned the history of their relationship including tidbits like: "Would you believe that after not seeing me for 2 weeks my husband chose to take me out to eat sushi instead of taking me to the bedroom straight from the airport?"

But back to the restaurant, the food was delicious and the sunset view (when we managed to look away from our interlocutors) quite terrific. We started with Dolmades, which are vine leaves stuffed with lemony rice and happen to be one of my favorite small dishes. The leaves are the best when they're delicate and not veiny, the rice needs to be moist and the entire thing is best served room temperature or slightly warm. So good! We also had a tuna salad with hard boiled eggs, which looked a bit like mess but was packed with unexpected flavor. We finished with a whole fish, which was absolutely perfect.

We did drink a lot of wine and we took our time eating, listening to the forced stories and admiring the sunset. At some point the initially empty dining room filled up completely and then it emptied again. It felt like we experienced the whole circle of sunset dining crowd.

[letterboxd]

Noir Zealand Road Trip.

Breakout noir filmmaker James Ashcroft speaks to Letterboxd’s Indigenous editor Leo Koziol about his chilling new movie Coming Home in the Dark—and reveals how Blue Velvet, Straw Dogs and a bunch of cult New Zealand thrillers are all a part of his Life in Film.

“Many different types of feet walk across those lands, and the land in that sense is quite indifferent to who is on it. I like that duality. I like that sense of we’re never as safe as we would like to think.” —James Ashcroft

In his 1995 contribution to the British Film Institute’s Century of Cinema documentary series, Sam Neill described the unique sense of doom and darkness presented in films from Aotearoa New Zealand as the “Cinema of Unease”.

There couldn’t be a more appropriate addition to this canon than Māori filmmaker James Ashcroft’s startling debut Coming Home in the Dark, a brutal, atmospheric thriller about a family outing disrupted by an enigmatic madman who calls himself Mandrake, played in a revelatory performance by Canadian Kiwi actor Daniel Gillies (previously best known for CW vampire show The Originals, and as John Jameson in Spider-Man 2). Award-winning Māori actress Miriama McDowell is also in the small cast—her performance was explicitly singled out by Letterboxd in our Fantasia coverage.

Based on a short story by acclaimed New Zealand writer Owen Marshall, Ashcroft wrote the screenplay alongside longtime collaborator Eli Kent. It was a lean shoot, filmed over twenty days on a budget of just under US $1 million. The film is now in theaters, following its premiere at the Sundance Film Festival in January, where it made something of an impact.

Erik Thomson, Matthias Luafutu, Daniel Gillies and Miriama McDowell in a scene from ‘Coming Home in the Dark’.

Creasy007 described the film as “an exciting New Zealand thriller that grabs you tight and doesn’t let you go until the credits are rolling.” Jacob wrote: “One of the most punishingly brutal—both viscerally and emotionally—first viewings I’ve enjoyed in quite a while. Will probably follow James Ashcroft’s career to the gates of Hell after this one.”

Filmgoers weren’t the only ones impressed: Legendary Entertainment—the gargantuan production outfit behind the Dark Knight trilogy and Godzilla vs. Kong—promptly snapped up Ashcroft to direct their adaptation of Devolution, a high-concept novel by World War Z author Max Brooks about a small town facing a sasquatch invasion after a volcanic eruption. (“I find myself deep in Sasquatch mythology and learning a lot about volcanoes at the moment,” says the director, who is also writing the adaptation with Kent.)

Although Coming Home in the Dark marks his feature debut, Ashcroft has been working in the creative arts for many years as an actor and theater director, having previously run the Māori theater company Taki Rua. As he explains below, his film taps into notions of indigeneity in subtle, non-didactic ways. (Words in the Māori language are explained throughout the interview.)

Kia ora [hello] James. How did you come to be a filmmaker? James Ashcroft: I’ve always loved film. I worked in video stores from the age thirteen to 21. That’s the only other ‘real job’ I’ve ever had. I trained as an actor, and worked as an actor for a long time. So I had always been playing around with film. My first student allowance that I was given when I went to university, I bought a camera, I didn’t pay for my rent. I bought a little handheld Sony camera. We used to make short films with my flatmates and friends, so I’ve always been dabbling and wanting to move into that.

After being predominantly involved with theater, I sort of reached my ceiling of what I wanted to do there. It was time to make a commitment and move over into pursuing and creating a slate of scripts, and making that first feature step into the industry. My main creative collaborator is Eli Kent, who I’ve been working with for seven years now. We’re on our ninth script, I think.

But Coming Home in the Dark, that was our first feature. It was the fifth script we had written, and that was very much about [it] being the first cab off the rank; about being able to find a work that would fit into the budget level that we could reasonably expect from the New Zealand Film Commission. I also wanted to make sure that piece was showing off my strengths and interests—being a character-focused, actor-focused piece—and something that we could execute within those constraints and still deliver truthfully and authentically to the story that we wanted to tell and showcase the areas of interest that I have as a filmmaker, which have always been genre.

Do you see the film more as a horror or a thriller? We’ve never purported to be a horror. We think that the scenario is horrific, some of the events that happen are horrific, but this has always been a thriller for me and everyone involved. I think, sometimes, because of the premiere and the space that it was programmed in at Sundance, being in the Midnight section, there’s a sort of an association with horror or zany comedy. For us it’s more about, if anything, the psychological horror aspect of the story. 

It’s violent in places, obviously, but there’s very little violence actually committed on screen. It’s the suggestion. The more terrifying thing is what exists in the viewer’s mind [rather] than necessarily what you can show on screen. My job as a storyteller is to provoke something that you can then flesh out and embellish more in your own psyche and emotions. It’s a great space, the psychological thriller, because it can deal with the dramatic as well as some of those more heightened, visceral moments that horror also can touch on.

Director James Ashcroft. / Photo by Stan Alley

There’s a strong Māori cast in your film. Do you see yourself as a Māori filmmaker, or a filmmaker who is Maori? Well, I’m a Māori everything. I’m a father, I’m a husband, I’m a friend. Everything that I do goes back to my DNA and my whakapapa [lineage]. So that’s just how I view my identity and my world. In terms of categorizing it, I don’t put anything in front of who I am as a storyteller. I’m an actor, I’m a director. I follow the stories that sort of haunt me more than anything. They all have something to do with my experience and how I see the world through my identity and my life—past, present and hopefully future.

In terms of the cast, Matthias Luafutu [who plays Mandrake’s sidekick Tubs], he’s Samoan. Miriama McDowell [who plays Jill, the mother of the family] is Māori. I knew that this story, in the way that I wanted to tell it, was always going to feature Māori in some respect. Both the ‘couples’, I suppose you could say—Hoaggie [Erik Thomson] and Jill on one side and Tubs and Mandrake on the other—I knew one of each would be of a [different] culture. So I knew I wanted to mirror that.

Probably more than anything, I knew if I had to choose one role that was going to be played by a Māori actor, it was definitely going to be Jill, because for me, Jill’s the character that really is the emotional core and our conduit to the story. Her relationship with the audience, we have to be with her—a strong middle-class working mother who has a sort of a joy-ness at the beginning of the film and then goes through quite a number of different emotions and realizations as it goes along.

Those are sometimes the roles that Māori actors, I often feel, don’t get a look at usually. That’s normally a different kind of actor that gets those kinds of roles. And then obviously when Miriama McDowell auditions for you it’s just a no-brainer, because she can play absolutely anything and everything. I have a strong relationship with Miriama from drama-school days, so I knew how to work with her on that.

Once you put a stake in the ground with her, then we go, right, so this is a biracial family, and her sons are going to be Māori and that’s where the Paratene brothers, who are brothers in real life, came into the room, and we were really taken with them immediately. We threw out a lot of their scripted dialogue in the end because what we are casting is that fundamental essence and energy that exists between two real brothers that just speaks volumes more than any dialogue that Eli and I could write.

Matthias Luafutu as Tubs in ‘Coming Home in the Dark’.

What was your approach to the locations? [The area we shot in] is very barren and quite harsh. I spent a lot of time there in my youth, and I find them quite beautiful places. They are very different kinds of landscapes than you normally see in films from our country. We didn’t want to go down The Lord of the Rings route of images from the whenua [land] that are lush mountains and greens and blues, even though that’s what Owen Marshall had written.

I was very keen, along with Matt Henley, our cinematographer, to find that duality in the landscape as well, because the whole story is about that duality in terms of people, in terms of this world, and that grey space. So that’s why we chose to film in those areas.

Regarding the scene where Tubs sprinkles himself with water: including this Māori spiritual element in the film created quite a contrast. That character had partaken in something quite evil, yet still follows a mundane cultural tradition around death. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah. I’m not really interested in black-and-white characters of any kind. I want to find that grey space that allows them to live within more layers in the audience’s mind. So for me—and having family who have spent time in jail, or knowing people who have gone through systems like state-care institutions as well as moving on to prison—just because you have committed a crime or done something in one aspect of your life, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t room and there aren’t other aspects that inform your identity that you also carry.

It’s something that he’s adopted for whatever reasons to ground him in who he is. And they can sit side by side with being involved in some very horrendous actions, but also from Tubs’ perspective, these are actions which are committed in the name of survival. You start to get a sense Mandrake enjoys what he does rather than doing it for just a means to the end. So any moment that you can start to create a greater sense of duality in a person, I think that means that there’s an inner life to a world, to a character, that’s starting to be revealed. That’s an invitation for an audience to lean into that character.

Erik Thomson and Daniel Gillies in ‘Coming Home in the Dark’.

What is the film that made you want to get into filmmaking? The biggest influence on me is probably David Lynch’s Blue Velvet. I saw that when I was ten years old. A babysitter, my cousin, rented it. It’s not a film that a ten-year-old should see, by the way. I was in Lower Hutt, there in my aunty’s house, and it was very cold, and there’s a roaring fire going. My cousin and her boyfriend were sitting on a couch behind me, and they started making out. I sort of knew something was going on behind me and not to look. So I was stuck between that and Dennis Hopper huffing nitrous, and this very strange, strange world opening up before me on the television.

I’ve had a few moments like that in my life [where a] film, as well as the circumstance, sort of changed how I view the world. I think something died that day, but obviously something was born. You can see what Lynch did in those early works, especially Blue Velvet. You don’t have to go too far beneath the surface of suburbia or what looks normal and nice and welcoming to find that there’s a complete flip-side. There’s that duality to our world, which we like to think might be far away, but it’s actually closer than you think.

That speaks to Coming Home in the Dark and why that short story resonated with me the first time I read it. Even in the most beautiful, scenically attractive places in our land, many different types of feet walk across those lands, and the land in that sense is quite indifferent to who is on it. I like that duality. I like that sense of we’re never as safe as we would like to think. Blue Velvet holds a special place in my heart.

What other films did you have in mind when forming your approach to Coming Home in the Dark? Straw Dogs, the Peckinpah film. The original. Just because it plays in that grey space. Obviously times have changed, and you read the film in different ways now as you might have when it first came out. But that was a big influence because there was a moral ambiguity to that film; those lines of good and bad or black and white, they don’t apply anymore. It just becomes about what happens when people are put under extreme pressure and duress, and they abandon all sense of morals. The Offence by Sidney Lumet would be another one, very much drawn to that ’70s ilk of American and English filmmaking.

‘Coming Home in the Dark’ was filmed on location around the wider Wellington region of New Zealand.

Is there a New Zealand film that’s influenced you significantly? There’s a few. I remember watching The Lost Tribe when it was on TV. That really scared me. I just remember the sounds of it. Mr. Wrong was a great ghost story. That stuck with me for a long time. The Scarecrow. Once I discovered Patu! [Merata Mita’s landmark documentary about the protests against the apartheid-era South African rugby tour of New Zealand in 1981], that sort of blew everything out of the water, because that was actually my first induction and education that this was something that even occurred. I think I saw that when I was about eighteen. That this was something that occurred in our history and had ramifications that were other than just a rugby game.

And Utu, every time I watch that, it doesn’t lose its resonance. I get something new from it every time. It’s a great amalgamation of identity, culture, of genre, and again, plays in that grey space of accountability. Utu still has that power for me. It’s one of those films, when it’s playing, I’ll end up sitting down and just being glued to the screen.

It’s a timeless classic. I will admit that when I watched your film, The Scarecrow did immediately come to mind, as did Garth Maxwell’s Jack Be Nimble. Yeah. [Jack Be Nimble] was really frightening. Again, it was that clash of many different aspects. There was a psychosexual drama there. You’ve got this telekinetic mind control and that abuse and that hunkering down of an isolated family. There are plenty of New Zealand films that have explored a sort of similar territory. They’re all coming to me now.

Bad Blood has a great sense of atmosphere and photography and the use of soundscape to create that shocking sense of isolation and terror in these quick, fast, brutal moments, which then just sort of are left to ring in the air. But I love so much of New Zealand cinema, especially the stuff from the ’80s.

Kia ora [good luck], James. Kia ora.

Related content

Leo’s Letterboxd list of Aotearoa New Zealand Scary-As Movies Adapted from Literature

Dave’s Cinema of Unease list

A Brutal Stillness: Gregory’s list of patient, meditative genre films

Sailordanae’s list of Indigenous directors of the Americas

Follow Leo on Letterboxd

‘Coming Home in the Dark’ is available now in select US theaters and on VOD in the US and New Zealand. All photographs by Stan Alley / GoldFish Creative. Comments have been edited for length and clarity.

[beastars-takes]

Zootopia Takes: The Power of Really Liking Each Other

Our main event, Beastars Takes, will resume soon, but in the meantime I want to talk about one of my favorite movie relationships:

Has this been talked about to death by other people? Yes. But this is my blog and I write it for free so I can do what I want.

Note: this is not a shipping post--this is just an examination of their canonical relationship in the movie and why it rules.

At first glance, this is your typical enemies-to-friends story. I love those. But while the typical arc tends to involve two characters who can’t stand each other, who eventually develop a grudging respect for one another (often through some kind of shared ordeal) and maybe thaw into actual friendliness at the end. Zootopia packs all of that into the first half--by the midway point they are clearly not just allies, but friends, and by the end of the film they’re inseparable.

It’s important to recognize this isn’t just for the hell of it, or just to be cute--the closeness and trust they build is the linchpin of their success in the final moments of the movie.

All the reasons why, after the jump.

Something I talked about in the previous post was the messaging of Zootopia, and I don’t want to rehash it too much here. It’s a movie about prejudice, and the work it takes to overcome it. A key theme (one that it shares with Beastars, incidentally) is that friendships with those who are different from you are hard--but they are worth it.

Part 1: They Hate Each Other! (Right?)

Now...it goes without saying that when these two first meet, they bounce off each other hard. Each is seeing the other at their absolute worst.

Judy can’t stand Nick because he takes every bit of optimism she has about this world and throws it back in her face. She want to use him as a prop in her vision of an equal society, where “not all foxes” are crooks. He laughs at her. He humiliates her. All he has to do is walk away, but he takes his time. He twists the knife.

For his part, Nick sees a laughably ineffectual bunny who condescends to him and threatens him with jail for the crime of...humiliating her. She may not personally be a threat to him, but she wields the institutional power of the ZPD--a power he has plenty of reason to be afraid of--and she does it irresponsibly.

On first viewing, Nick inarguably wins this exchange. He avoids arrest, reads her to absolute filth and leaves her stuck in cement.

And he makes her really sad. Nice!

But, and I don’t pretend to be the first person to have pointed this out, on second viewing it’s obvious he can guess her story so well because it’s basically his story. The only difference, in his mind, is that he’s accepted the reality that he’ll never be allowed to live the life he wants, while she is still vainly pursuing hers.

I don’t know about you, dear reader, but the people I’ve met who have always most pissed me off are the people who remind me of things I hate about myself. The people who seem to embody the flaws I’ve worked to minimize. Nick’s naive hope is what has brought him the most pain in his life. He sees this bunny full of the same naive hope, surmises that she’s facing the same failures he did and yet stubbornly refusing to learn from them. It’s irritating.

Pictured: irritation.

Maybe I am projecting, but if Nick is anything like me, he probably didn’t walk away entirely happy from this exchange. Yes, he “won,” but he was also reminded of everything about himself that he least wanted to think about.

Part 2: They Are Not Very Good at Hating Each Other

So, the thing about Judy is, she is naive. By default, she assumes people are her friend. But she’s not stupid.

Nick assumes she is stupid, not least because she hasn’t wisely given up on her dreams like he has, and...he learns that she maybe not so fun to pick on after all.

So they wind up doing the first part of this enemies-to-friends routine, allies of necessity.

So, naturally, because he is Him, he makes it his mission to torment her.

In fact, we get two whole scenes where all he does he does is watch her struggle and make this face.

The first read of this behavior is that he’s just enjoying the failures of someone he hates. He says as much later. But I would also argue--from a viewer’s perspective--Judy is ridiculously entertaining and charming throughout these encounters. She wears her heart on her sleeve, and it’s hard not to like people like that.

Is there more happening here than just schadenfreude? I won’t pretend to know for sure. But worth considering.

By the time they’re investigating the limousine, his sabotage has diminished into something more like gentle trolling. And you can’t see this face, in context...

...and tell me she isn’t starting to like him, at least a little bit.

He’s also starting to help! By the time they’re past the minor detour of almost being murdered by a mob boss, he’s entirely cooperative, helping her conduct interviews and look for clues. The movie doesn’t call particular attention to this, but it almost did.

Finally, let’s look at Nick’s behavior when they’re being chased by a rabid jaguar. He could have absolutely booked it, with no regard for the cop who was blackmailing him into helping her.

These moments go by so quickly, but they’re hugely revealing of his true character, even before he defends her in front of Chief Bogo.

He picks her up when she falls.

More importantly, when he gets to the skytram, his first instinct isn’t to jump in--it’s to hold the door for her:

He sees she can’t make it, and she even tells him to leave without her. He doesn’t. He holds the door until he can’t anymore, and as a result he’s nearly killed.

Nick is a good boy.

Part 3: They Are Friends Now

She save his life, so he saves her job. This is a key story beat, and it’s a Disney movie, so there’s not a lot of subtlety (except how the specular highlights in Judy’s eyes fade as Bogo asks for her badge--the light literally goes out of her. Go watch).

But it’s such a sweet moment of teamwork--he was contemptuous toward her from the start because she believed in herself. This is the first time she’s simply given up in the whole movie, and he steps up. Because he believes in her now.

And she believes in him! Or, she wants to.

Judy’s supportiveness here is sweet, but it’s also still a little selfish. It’s not that different from their interaction at the ice cream shop, really: she wants to meet a fox who defies stereotypes, who is easy for her to like. Someone who ticks all the boxes to prove her family wrong.

When he starts being more foxy, later--self-identifying as a predator, showing his claws, challenging her--we learn that her supportiveness is conditional.

Am I being too hard on her? Sure. She’s been in bunny country her whole life. She’s new to this and she’s trying. But that’s where she’s at.

But still! They’re friends now. They’re no longer pretending they don’t like each other. Judy’s openly encouraging, Nick is fully in her corner, and we get a few cute sequences where they keep being more and more impressed with each other.

He’s still not above affectionately messing with her, and she’s getting worse at pretending to dislike it.

And he trusts her enough to let her flush him down a toilet...

Which gives us this heartbreaking shot where he thinks she’s drowned. He cares a whole lot about this bunny.

She likes him too! Enough to want to team up on a more permanent basis. This is pretty standard-fare enemies-to-friends stuff now, but considering where we started, and considering they’ve known each other for all of two days? Not bad!

It’s clear this moment means far more to him than it does to her, too. It’s actually taken very little persuading from Judy to get him to step up and be brave and helpful and trustworthy. The fact that he’s turned around and opened up to her so fast suggests he’s been ready for an opportunity like this for his entire life, and never got it. I mean, look at his face.

The foundational flaw in her worldview is still there, though, and it’s about to do almost-irreparable damage to their whirlwind friendship.

Part 5: Fuck!

So Judy gives her press conference, and gives a great example of why police usually answer every question with “the matter is currently under investigation,” or “we’re not prepared to comment further at this time.” Honestly, though, this is on Bogo--I had coworkers who once did some press interviews, and they spent over a week doing media training. They didn’t even break a major kidnapping case. So, you know.

So she repeats some weird race science stuff she assumes is true because someone in a lab coat said it, which is amusingly similar to how race science (or “race realism”) often propagates--people with low-rent doctorates from crappy universities write a bunch of scientifically shoddy material and people say “well, he has a PhD!”

And then Nick has a PTSD flashback? I don’t want to be irresponsible and make an armchair diagnosis, but also...that is absolutely what is depicted on screen.

You’re not immediately “better” after something like this, which is why I cut Nick a bit of slack when he basically blows up their friendship.

Judy...doesn’t get it. It’s completely heartbreaking, because she likes him, and doesn’t understand why he’s mad, and isn’t self-reflective enough to stop and think maybe he has a point. Not until it’s too late. He tests her, and she fails.

Their friendship has always been a little inequal. He’s trusted her with everything, shown her his deepest vulnerabilities. She’s never trusted him completely.

So he leaves.

I don’t want to impugn her professionalism by suggesting she wouldn’t have quit the force if she hadn’t had that friendship-ending fight, but, you know. Maybe.

This is the second time she gives up, and this time he’s not there to pick her up again.

Judy is intensely goal-oriented, and I don’t think she realized what Nick’s friendship meant to her, as the first person in the city who truly believed in her, until it was too late. Judy is sweet and well-meaning but emotional intelligence is not really her strong suit (which is actually cool to see in a female Disney protagonist, imo).

So, while it would have been nice for her to track Nick down immediately and apologize, I think it makes sense for them to spend time apart. Her own self-perception has been shattered, and she needs time to figure out how she went so wrong.

So when she does come back, she delivers one of the best animated apologies I’ve ever seen. Only AtLA compares, in my mind.

Part 6: They Are Much Better Friends Now

Nick forgives her, because of course he does.

(Sidebar--people talk about how he kept her carrot pen the whole time they were apart. He also kept his handkerchief from Ranger Scouts, AND he only wears shirts that match the wallpaper in his mother’s house. He desperately needs a hug.)

Credit to Nick also, who can’t fight and has no police training whatsoever, who has multiple times been almost killed helping her out, now agreeing to help her out again. She’s not even threatening him with jail this time!

We, the viewers, are then rewarded with this great montage of them being best friends.

She’s finally stopped pretending not to be amused by his shenanigans.

(One other sidebar here--Nick is canonically a really gentle character. For all their adventuring, this is only time in the movie he gets physical with anyone: to protect the bunny. Again, he definitely can’t fight and immediately gets smacked across the room. But it’s the thought that counts, right?)

Per the post title, more visual evidence of them really liking each other.

Judy trips on a dead body, and here we get the second time in the movie that Judy tells Nick to leave without her, and he won’t--this time, he refuses explicitly.

Which then gives us the opportunity for the big moment--the culmination of all this care and intimacy and trust.

In order to con Bellwether, she lets him stalk her, and bite her throat. This has been often pointed out, but it’s important--throughout the movie, Judy’s wriggling rabbit nose has been used as a signifier of fear and suspicion. It wriggles when she’s spying on Nick at the beginning. It wriggles like hell when he confronts her after her press conference.

Not here. Doesn’t move. It’s a great, clearly intentional animation choice that tells a close observer (or more likely, a repeat viewer) that she’s completely unafraid.

She trusts him.

I could write a whole other post about how well-scripted this movie is, how every scene is doing half a dozen different things, but the way the personal and the professional come together here, the way the threads of prejudice and friendship and the police case all tie together in this moment. It’s good shit.

This is basically where things end, in terms of character development, but we get a bunch more shots of them clearly adoring each other:

So there it is.

To sum up, certainly not suggesting this movie invented “characters liking each other,” or anything like that. But it goes above and beyond in portraying a friendship that’s not just one born of circumstance, one that’s authentic and unmistakably loving. Characters who enjoy spending time with each other, regardless of what’s going on around them.

I hope everyone is able to experience friendships like that. I absolutely treasure the few I have.

Appendix: The Shipping Thing

I hope I’ve made all this ship-agnostic, which was my intention. I personally like the ship, and I think the reason it resonates with people is because that love and trust and closeness is clearly there, and a romantic relationship creates a lot more easy opportunities for dialing those things up even higher.

I would also argue, if pressed, that the amount of teasing and physicality that happens reads as pretty flirty. If they were humans I knew in real life, I’d definitely think there was something going on there. But I’m an American, where touching and emotional intimacy tends to be read as romantic. Also, animals are a lot more cuddly than humans. So who knows? I think it’s perfectly reasonable to read them as platonic friends until the end of time.

But, one way or another, they love each other a lot. Shout out to this, one of the most emotionally rewarding relationships I’ve ever seen in a cartoon.

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Round-Up Review: WandaVision (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: I am posting this review the Monday after the finale of WandaVision drops on Disney+, so if you haven’t yet seen the entire series don’t read on until you have.

So I was going to do a fully fleshed out review of the entire series of WandaVision, but just as I’m about to finish…Tumblr decides to freeze on me and I lose a day of work so I have now decided to work this review a different way and rather than giving a general reaction and going into a character analysis, I will be breaking it down into what I loved, what wasn’t there for me fully and where I feel we are going next.

General Reaction:

So I could of very easily gone through this series episode by episode...but based on the fact that not only was this a play-by-play mystery with a lot more questions than answers each week, but also as the series progressed, particularly after Evan Peters arrived at the end of episode 5, the fan-theories and potential spoilers almost made me not want to know what was going to happen because the theories were becoming so grand that the series could surely never live up to expectations, which is why I feel the director of the finalé stated that fans may be disappointed...because ultimately I don’t think the finalé did live up to expectations. But these were expectations built up as an culmination of fan-theories, comic-book insight and also MCU baiting.

By MCU baiting, I mean that the creatives of WandaVision decided to be creative, and possibly playful, by including several red herrings that went absolutely nowhere but were the main conspiracy theories driving the fan-speculations and fake spoilers throughout the latter half of the series.

Dottie...who was she? Nobody important. Evan Peters...was he Quicksilver? No. Was he Mephisto/Nightmare? No. Was he important? Not really. Monica’s mysterious engineer contact, a fan-favourite character? Not even a character from the comics, I think.

Now that’s not to say this series asked questions that weren’t answered satisfactorily, but a lot of them seemed to build up to what is to come rather than giving us all the answers in this series. Is that a good thing? Yes because I feel this will make this series more rewatchable than I feel it already is. I for one of re-watched each episode at least twice sometimes three times each week leading up to the next episode and having just seen the entire series as a whole product I can safely say that characters and elements from this series going forward may have call-backs to the events of this series which will make for clicks, more views and more plays.

Speaking of watchability, can we talk about how interesting it has been to watch half-hour scheduled programming for 9 weeks like the olden days, and the fact we can call television life before streaming “the olden days”?.

But honestly sitting down, for me on a Friday morning at 9:30am without fail, to watch what began as a 25–30-minute MCU sitcom before turning into a 30–40-minute MCU mystery every week harkened back to my childhood and coming back from school to watch my shows which only aired once a week at that time. Feige’s and the creatives in the MCU brought back that feeling of nostalgia for me which I never really expected from a comic-book property.

Speaking of classic televisual viewing, I really enjoyed the standard sitcom setup of this series. I knew of all the referenced shows going in like The Dick Van Dyke Show, Bewitched, The Brady Bunch, Malcolm in the Middle and Modern Family, but it was also nice to see some standard sitcom tropes seen in the majority of sitcoms utilized throughout. From Agatha posing as the nosey neighbour to the fashions of each sitcom era and even the fourth wall breaks both from Billy in the Halloween episode in a Malcolm in the Middle spoof to the following episode literally titled “Breaking the Fourth Wall”.

Also, I will say here that all those MCU “stans” who are complaining they didn’t get the big grand beginning of Phase 4 that was promised to us by Feige as “something different”, the guy’s mantra is to keep it simple and the finalé was hardcore Feige. “Something different” was the set up and delivery of this slice of the MCU and some fans are still moaning about that so some people are just never satisfied.

What I Loved

Scarlet Witch

Give Elizabeth Olsen awards for this season! Make gold rain down upon her! Honestly, I have loved Elizabeth Olsen as Wanda Maximoff since her formal introduction in Avengers: Age of Ultron, but now we have formally been introduced to the Scarlet Witch she is not only the most powerful female if not character in the MCU but also the best character in the entire MCU to date.

Not only is this series personifying how an individual deals with their grief, but when you consider the fact that Wanda, who is by all accounts a 29 year old woman due to being blipped for 5 years, and has lost her parents at a young age, her twin brother at 25-26 so still a young age and then the first love of her life twice, first by her own hand and then by the Mad Titan so that initial sacrifice was for nothing, it’s just a lot to put on one individual with this level of raw power without expecting her to finally snap and create an alternate reality where everything is under her control.

The creation of her twins, who I will get into further down, was well done and, for want of a better word, organic for the series. But I did like how they showed the real-life struggle of not just having a new-born but having twins. Wanda is trying to maintain control of this world she has created as well as keep Vision in check, but also because the twins are seemingly not under her magical control, she must juggle maintaining the world and its people with being a new mother.

But the biggest crisis for Wanda comes in when Fietro shows up, I still do not believe she ever truly thought this was her dead brother resurrected. It wasn’t until he said “long lost brother” that he asked “Pietro?” and she spent the entire next episode interrogating him until the façade finally slipped and she decided he wasn’t.

After this, everything falls apart for her. Not only is her reality literally slipping with Vision at odds with her, the world constantly shifting between eras and her not understanding what is happening.

This is of course when she is confronted by Agatha Harkness who has not only taken her twins but also been fooling her by being “Nosy Neighbour Auntie Agnes” for this entire time when in reality she is a with from the days of the Salem Witch Trials who wants to understand Wanda’s true potential and then absorb all of her magic.

But when we got to see Wanda’s true potential as she went “Beast Mode” as the Scarlet Witch complete with stunning new outfit and crown, this levels the character up to that top spot in the MCU as the best and most powerful character.

I am excited to see where the Scarlet Witch’s potential will take her next.

WandaVision Love Story

I also really loved the fact that as well as a personification of dealing with Wanda’s grief, this series was truly a love story between Wanda and Vision.

From the first episode when we see them getting “married” and being that unusual suburban couple trying to fit in with seemingly everyday suburban life when the entire set-up is Wanda’s idyllic dream world.

As Darcy said to Vision, the love these two have is real. I did an entire post on why Scarlet Witch and Vision are the best MCU couple, and this series amplifies that. It becomes clear that these two are not actually married and in fact this Vision isn’t even the Vision we have seen developed through the movies, but he is a replication of Wanda’s true love and this is how she chooses to show it.

The fact they go through all of the typical newlywed couple goalposts of marriage, homemakers, kids, a dog, domestic disputes. It’s all there and feels so natural even though we are talking about the relationship a potential Nexus Being and a Synthezoid.

Their final goodbye in the series finale is honestly as heart-breaking as any love-lost in a tragic romance movie. Seriously how many more times is Wanda, and by extension the fans, supposed to say goodbye to Vision?

Agatha Harkness

I love Kathryn Hahn, this series has solidified that for me. Not only is this the first live-action appearance of Agatha Harkness but also the way in which she was modified from the comics is in a way that I would be annoyed with any other way if not for the fact that it was Kathryn Hahn playing her.

Now yes, fans of the comics knew “Agnes” was really Agatha Harkness from the casting announcement, but the actual reveal wasn’t epic because we already knew, it was epic because of the way it was revealed.

“Agatha All Along” has honestly become one of my new favourite songs, it is such a catchy tune, incorporates a couple of classic sitcom nods and is very memorable.

But also, even the fact that the final line of “…and I killed Sparky too” has become so memeable without overshadowing the overall song is such an impressive feat.

The Lopez’s not only capitalise on their Frozen success but also Kathryn Hahn gets to show her musical talents by singing the actual song…it was just incredible.

But yes, Agatha being a villain, as she has been in the comics but not on this scale, was a great decision for this series because Kathryn Hahn managed to inject her own brand of cynical dry comedy with echoes of Cate Blanchett’s Hela to create a fully rounded menacing villainous character.

Not only do we learn about her origins of how she can absorb magic by murdering her entire coven, mother included, but also that she elevates that by being able to steal any magic, even that of the powerful Scarlet Witch, truly makes this witch a threat within the magical realms of the MCU.

Even though she was defeated I am thrilled she didn’t die, she has simply been taken off the board for now but is still able to be put into play if and when she is needed again, maybe in Doctor Strange 2 maybe sooner, who knows?

Monica Rambeau

I have to say, I do not know much about Proton from the comics and genuinely though Maria Rambeau was a bigger character than she was, but considering they killed her off-screen during this series I don’t think she actually was.

I loved how the effects of the blip are still showing their repercussions as Monica returns after being victim to the blip and is immediately thrust into a chaotic post-blip world that echoes the real-world COVID-19 crisis I imagine.

From the start once outside of the Hex, Monica hits the ground running as both a SWORD operative and a self-assured hero trying to do the right thing by saving the town of Westview and Wanda while thwarting Hayward.

I really loved how her “Boss Lady” persona that Agent Woo grants her was very well realised because she did not take any nonsense from anyone. She got the Space Rover so she could attempt to re-enter the Hex, she attempted to reason with Wanda not once, not twice, but thrice.

And when the rover couldn’t penetrate the Hex, she decided to re-enter unprotected knowing what the barrier would potentially do to her physiology…and it did not disappoint.

Monica got powers, she got powers in a spectacular way. I loved how while she was physically struggling to break through the barrier, she could hear the voices of her nearest and dearest (archive footage from Captain Marvel) which spurred her on until she finally pulled herself together and became the superpowered individual she was always going to become.

But she didn’t stop there, not only did she try to once again confront Wanda who at this point was rather unhinged, but she didn’t take her threats lying down and instead tried to break into Agnes’ house before getting caught by Fietro.

However, once she worked out Fietro was really Ralph and was able to free him from Agatha’s control, she wasted no time in running off and making herself useful and just in time as she stopped Hayward from shooting the twins and assisted them in subduing the rogue SWORD agents.

As for Monica’s future, she has been drafted by that Skrull to join Nick Fury’s new team and may return to honour her late mother’s position as director of SWORD. All I know is her future is as bright and vibrant as the energy waves she can now see.

Twins

I love Wiccan and Speed so much, I love the Young Avengers so much, I love Wiccan and Hulkling’s relationship from the comics that is inevitably going to happen hopefully, but the fact this was the origins of all of that gave me everything.

Even before their birth, I loved how the pregnancy was making everything in the house go crazy. Some fans believe this was Wanda’s powers out of control due to pregnancy, I think this was actually Billy’s reality warping powers either acting from inside the womb or amplifying Wanda’s reality warping powers.

When the twins were in existence, I feel Wanda wasn’t prepared for what was going to happen. Billy and Tommy had their own minds and weren’t afraid to show them. Not only with finding Sparky but also with revealing their powers.

It’s fascinating as both these characters have the powers of either their mother or uncle, Billy has reality warping powers and Tommy has super speed. But while both got great chances to show them both in the Halloween episode and also in the series finale, I do believe we have only just scratched the surface of particularly Billy’s powers.

Of course they were always going to be lost at the end of the series, as they were in the comics when they were reabsorbed into Mephisto, in this instance they were seemingly deleted along with their father and the Hex…but then we hear them calling out to Wanda while she’s examining the Darkhold? Is this really them? Multiverse variants? What does all this mean? We need answers!

Darcy Lewis

I was thrilled when I heard Kat Dennings was not only returning to the MCU but being part of different characters’ stories rather than just Thor.

I loved how Darcy was on it from the start by firstly identifying that she and the other three scientists in recruitment didn’t share any common field so that meant SWORD had no idea what they were facing, but then being the one to identify the broadcast of WandaVision.

It did truly feel like we were watching Darcy be us while she was watching the series, seeing her get so invested in the hijinks and the plot twists was very relatable. Kat Dennings sold that relatability just as she does in every performance for me.

Then her fan-girling over the wider MCU, Kat Dennings is a fan of the MCU outside of her own appearances, so the fact she confirmed Vision did not get blipped but actually died and also had that moment in first meeting Monica was adorable.

Also, the fact that Darcy was the one who figured out not only that Monica’s cells were being re-written but also that Hayward had nefarious intentions with wanting to track down Vision, it just gave Darcy a purpose in the series and almost made her invaluable. Monica and Jimmy don’t have the backgrounds to be the “person in the chair” but Darcy does, and I was happy she finally got the chance to showcase it.

Even when she was taken into the Hex and temporarily became the Escape Artist, she was still Darcy in a way, then she became Vision’s source of information and road trip buddy before being left on the side-lines only to then return and help defeat Hayward.

What Didn’t Work:

Too Many Red Herrings

As I said this series and the series creatives had far too many red herrings planted to either fool us or tease us without any solid resolutions.

The biggest one is definitely “Fietro” who as it turns out isn’t Multiverse Quicksilver from the Fox X-Men movies but is instead an in-universe actor named Ralph Bohner who was enthralled by Agatha to play the part of her husband and be her spy and lackey.

Honestly not only am I annoyed that Evan Peters was used for what was ultimately a boner joke, but also it does throw dirt into the wound as to the fact we may not be getting Mutants or the X-Men for a while yet in the MCU.

Then there’s Dottie...similarly to Fietro this could have been a smart way to bring Mutants into the MCU. While yes Dottie was believed to be Mephisto or a witch of some description, I was actually onboard with the idea that this was the MCU Emma Frost. It would have been poetic for Agatha Harkness to be working with Emma Frost to not only maintain her manipulation but also with Emma’s telepathic abilities but also potentially have Emma working as a double agent for the Hellfire Club who also want to harness the powers of the Scarlet Witch similarly to how they wanted to control the Phoenix Force.

Wanda in the MCU has already been compared to Jean Grey, so how about Scarlet Witch becoming the Black Queen of the Inner Circle?

Next, Ultron. A namedrop as many times as this deserves some sort of payoff. Ralph got his and it may have been disappointing but at least we got resolution. So why, when Ultron was named numerous times and we as fans even had Avengers: Age of Ultron being the next recommended watch for us at the end of every episode except the finale, did nothing come of it? If White Vision was voiced by James Spader I would have been happy.

Finally, there’s Monica’s engineer “guy”. We didn’t find out who this was because the contact Monica met with was an Air Force contact delivering the Space Rover, but who was the engineer who designed it? Why didn’t we meet him?

I personally feel this engineer is Reed Richards, there is obviously a rich history of space being connected to Reed’s origins as Mister Fantastic, we know the Fantastic Four are coming to the MCU, it would simply make sense to first introduce Reed as maybe a scientist for SWORD or Nick Fury’s team before bringing in the full team.

I know the other option is Hank Pym, but really if it was Pym then why couldn’t they just pay Michael Douglas for a cameo?

The Future of the MCU

So, what does WandaVision set up for the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

Well, we know that this is the start of the Multiverse Arc that will continue with Spider-Man: No Way Home later this year and conclude with Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness next year. It is confirmed that Scarlet Witch will show up in the latter of those two movies, but we have no idea what role she’ll serve in Spider-Man.

The other story this series sets up is Secret Invasion which will happen during the series of the same name starring Nick Fury and the Skrulls and also Captain Marvel 2 which will not only feature Carol Danvers and Monica Rambeau but also the upcoming Kamala Khan aka Ms. Marvel. This puts three superpowered women in the same movie and possibly will be the nexus of the Secret Invasion storyline before the concluding movie being an Avengers level event.

Then there’s also Falcon and the Winter Soldier starting in a couple of weeks, that series will most likely connect to Black Widow due to including Yelena Belova but also because that was originally supposed to come out before WandaVision it is tough to see if it or any other upcoming series except for Secret Invasion will connect to this series.

And of course, there is the upcoming Young Avengers project, we have yet to get confirmation of if this will be a movie or a TV series but we know we are having the players put onto the board in Disney+ shows and MCU movies. We have Wiccan and Speed, we know we are getting Kate Bishop and America Chavez as well as already having Cassie Lang just recast for the upcoming Ant-Man 3 to hopefully finally become Stature, and while we have yet to get confirmation of Hulkling it is possible he will appear in Secret Invasion given the Kree-Skrull elements.

Overall, I rate this series a solid 9/10, this series gave me practically everything I wanted and there were many times particularly in the finale that I felt this was the best Marvel Television series. I still stand by the fact that I think it is but the red herrings of Fietro, Mephisto, Ultron and Monica’s “guy” meant I couldn’t call it a solid 10/10.

Regardless of that, I felt this series gave us something different in an MCU mystery, formally introducing witches into the MCU, the love story of Wanda and Vision was intoxicating, meeting Wiccan and Speed in the early years was glorious and honestly Wanda embracing her destiny and becoming the Scarlet Witch…if the entire series was at that level it would be a 10/10 across the board.

So that’s my Round-Up Review of WandaVision, what did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more Marvel Reviews as well as other TV Reviews and posts.

[hexandbalances]

Visiting Salem

A few years ago I traveled to Salem for Halloween week. It was a fun trip but not at all the quaint town I had expected. And it was busy. Salem eagerly leans into its witch history and new age spiritualism, sporting many psychic readings and occult shops. To be honest, a large part of my stay was spent walking, shopping, and eating so I didn’t get to visit as quite as many museums as I would have liked. I’ve included a brief review of some of the places I stopped in at while I was there:

Jolie Tea - this was tucked away from the Essex Street pedestrian mall, which made it the perfect place to escape the crowds and blustery wind. They had a selection of seasonal tea blends made in shop. I stopped in several times and took several pounds of tea back as a visiting gift for my aunt. I know it’s an odd compliment but I’m in love with their upholstery and the wallpaper in their restroom. Very limited seating (only 3 tables, one of which only seats two people), but quiet enough at the times I went as to not be a problem.

Count Orlok’s Nightmare Gallery - located on Essex street (the main thoroughfare, foot traffic only) this gallery houses memorabilia and trivia from classic and modern horror cinema. I recommend it if you fancy yourself a horror movie buff. Tickets were $9 for adults and did not need to be purchased in advance. The tour is self guided, walk in any time.

O'Neill’s Pub & Restaurant - honestly I popped in here just intending to use the facilities and get off my feet for a bit but they sell the best pumpkin ale I’ve had to date. The rim is dusted with cinnamon sugar and the head is dusted with a crescent moon of spice. I enthusiastically returned twice a day for the duration of the trip (I was on holiday after all). Their shepherd’s pie was quite good and the waitresses were happy to share insider advice on the best places to park, how to avoid traffic, etc.

Howard Street Cemetery - I visited this cemetery under the impression that the headstone for Giles Corey was there. It wasn’t. There was a memorial at one time but it was toppled by a vandal in 2015. Nevertheless it was a nice, quiet place to stop and take a breather from the crowds.

The Witch House - this is a bit of a misnomer as the house belonged to Jonathan Corwin, one of the judges of the trials. The house is the only structure left in the city that has direct ties to the trials and gives a much more authentic impression of daily life. The tour is self guided but there are volunteers stationed throughout ready to talk about particular items or history of the individuals that resided there. They have a limited capacity they’re required to stick to because of the house’s age so you may be in for a bit of a wait if you catch it during a busy hour. Tickets are about $10 for adults, sold in the gift shop.

Salem Witch Museum - They start the tour by seating visitors in a dark theatre. A recording plays, lighting up vignettes at scheduled points. These vignettes are maybe roughly 9 feet up from where you will be seated, not in sequential order, and cover a full 360° so swiveling your head up and around to find it is necessary. The recording and displays are rather dated; my guess is that they haven’t been changed since the museum’s founding in 1972 (to be honest I was rather expecting Vincent Prince to narrate). After this the group is lead into a small gallery with various placards and pop culture and news printouts. A guide will deliver a brief monologue and then you are free to view the gallery or filter into the gift shop. 

I was rather perturbed that the museum spent effort linking hysteria of the Salem witch trials to McCarthyism (and any other time the American media described a thing as a “witch hunt”) but did not give but the briefest lip service to the misogyny that drove the witch trials and the selection of its victims. Anxiety about attacks from indigenous people were mentioned, but nothing of the political tension of territory and property lines, the disputes between Salem and its many pastors, or the institution of witchcraft as a prosecutable offense in a court of common law by King James. For a museum on the trials it was very light on the details. I found more information available in the gift shop’s surprisingly thorough selection of books. You do have to buy tickets ($21 adults) somewhat in advance for tours that rotate on (I think) 45 minute intervals. 

Peabody Essex Museum - The Peabody Essex Museum is huge and hosts art and history exhibits. When I visited they had an exhibit on Qing Dynasty empresses and had just finished reconstructing brick by brick, tile by tile, a real Qing Dynasty ancestral home imported from Huizhou, China, Salem’s sister city. General admission is $20 for adults.

The Hocus Pocus House - The house used for the exterior of Max and Dani’s in the 1993 movie is a popular stop but it is quite a long walk away from the main tourist hub. I’m sure there are bus tours that would take you there, but like the spendthrift I am, I hoofed it. You can’t enter the house as it is a private residence so taking photos from across the street is the best you can get. The benefit of walking are the scenic views (at last! The quaint town I had imagined!) and meeting a neighbor a few doors down. She had fashioned a hedge from seashells and had delightful watchdog whose name escapes me, save that it was compound and started with “Sir.” I caught her outside gardening - or rather she caught me - and had a chat about the house, tourists, and living in Salem.

Witch City Mall - free multi-story parking! Get there early.

The Coven’s Cottage - Tools, ingredients, books, and more with an exclusive focus on Asatru.

HausWitch Home + Healing - prime example of the self-care industry meets new age spiritualism.

Artemisia Botanicals - Every powdered or raw ingredient you could likely hope for. I saw advertisements for their tea reading service but none was offered when I visited.

Hex Old World Witchery - a sister store to the one in New Orleans. It sells tools, spell ingredients, enchanted candles, jewelry, and some very jaunty pointed hats for ladies and gents.

Life Alive Organic Cafe - Organic vegan cafe. It has the Sanderson Sisters painted as vegetables on their window.

Opus - A fusion restaurant. The food was amazing and the service was great. They have live shows in their basement level. A perfect place for cocktails.

Adriatic Restaurant - Mediterranean and Italian fare. Decent, but pricey.

Caramel Pasteries & Macarons - Easily the best macarons in town. They also sell ice cream and a limited selection of coffee and tea.

The Satanic Temple Headquarters - Baphomet had just returned from his extended stay in Arkansas. The connected Salem Art Gallery and library was also open, and there were some rather striking vine and wicker sculpture work to greet you. And as expected, the people were quite friendly and helpful with recommendations for what else to do and see in Salem. The only downside is that it is a bit of a hike from downtown, but a much shorter one than the Hocus Pocus house. Self-guided tour is $15 for adults.

Street vendors - there are many of these out and about close to Halloween. You can buy whole bags (and whole bags only) of apple cider donuts and other goodies. Not something I normally go for but it was enjoyable. Bring cash.

Additional notes

There are loads of people in costume days before Halloween. If you are shyly deliberating on whether or not to pack a costume, you needn’t think on it further. Do it and have fun, my darling. 

However, I should warn you that if you are one of those that plans to wave a movie replica wand at traffic while shouting bad Latin, I can assure you that you aren’t the first to attempt this and the drivers will not be patient with you. Better to hustle along.

Salem has a noise ordinance that goes into affect at 10 PM on Halloween night. According to the local waitresses most folks don't begin to trickle into town until 10 AM or so that day. 

Essex street is cobbled, please wear comfortable shoes. 

Shop around! There are many shops selling largely the same merchandise. By and large you'll see the same prices but if you've got a sharp enough eye you can save yourself a bit of cash. 

Reserve your stay, wherever it is, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I reserved in January and still had to book a room 20 minutes away, which required a car rental. 

Speaking of which, if you're driving in from outside Salem, the lanes merge and disappear frequently and it can be a little stressful. Most of the drive into Salem is single lane through neighborhoods - school bus traffic included.

The temperature in late October is mild but the wind chill coming off the sea makes it feel at least 10°F cooler. And it’s quite windy - wear your hair up. Preferably add a hat lest you show up on someone’s doorstep looking like Sadako, as I did.