#also I really wonder how these blogs find mine. they must click follow and then turn away immediately and not look at anything I post

[slavicafire]

as they say, saturday is a day for cleaning. just got followed by a bunch of christian alt right freaks so had to do a lot of it. good morning!

[ladyartemesia]

Fic recs for taehyung? I love your stuff btw I’ve read them all uwu

As a beacon of extra-ness in an already extra world, I am entirely incapable of just recommending fics like a normal blog. No. I’ve got to wax on like a bloomin connoisseur. I have compiled some (but not all) of my favorite works in several different categories and sorted them accordingly. This crazy list is so long I had to add a “keep reading”... but I simply couldn’t bear to leave any of these off the list. They are all so good!

Fics have been divided into 8 categories. Some are under the cut. 

 ▨ FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS and FRIENDS TO LOVERS ▨  ▨ ARRANGED MARRIAGE ▨ ▨ FANTASY ▨ ▨ ANGST WITH A HAPPY ENDING ▨ ▨ HYBRID and ABO (alpha/omega) ▨ ▨ MULTIPLE PARTNERS ▨ ▨ NEIGHBORS AND ROOMMATES ▨ ▨ TABOO THEMES and DARK FIC (Sex Work/Power Imbalance/Very Unsafe Sex) ▨ ▨

▨ FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS and FRIENDS TO LOVERS ▨

Insomnia by @hobiwonder

This is one of those fics I read and literally could not stop thinking about. It is wildly hot and honestly hilarious. Poor reader cannot sleep and the beautiful bro she’s tutoring offers a rather unconventional solution.

(Ego) Hoe Chronicles: KTH by @suga-kookiemonster

Listen. If you find a niche fan blog devoted entirely to Ego Tae... I’m not gonna say it’s mine. But it’s probably mine. I once told suga-kookiemonster that I would literally read a story about Ego Tae going grocery shopping on a Wednesday night and I stand by that. In this lurid romp, the reader falls into the clutches of everyone’s favorite bohemian sex lord and he rails her into another dimension.

Falling, Falling, Gone by @johobi

Pining (mutual or otherwise) is not really my thing, but I would straight up read Jo’s laundry list if she posted it. As usual I was blown away by how everything she does seems somehow better than any other version of it. This reader is really unique as well, and her relationship with the wildly popular soccer star Tae comes to a sexy and hilarious head at a sort of bachelor auction. With sharp dialogue, delightful subtext, and fantastic side characters, you really shouldn’t miss it. It’s pretty much perfect.

A Friendly Favor by @baeseoul

This is the classic “teach me some sex for another woman” trope and it is done so well. Sweet best friend Tae is looking to benefit from your experience, but his is not the only world about to be thouroughly rocked.

Officer Kim and the Criminal Crush by @ddaengyoonmin

This is one of the best twists on childhood friends to lovers I have ever seen. Tae grows up to become a cop and reader grows up to be a societal menace. I won’t spoil it, but it’s the perfect blend of nostalgia, tenderness, and smut. This fic technically doesn’t have a name so I had to give it one to link it. It’s part of an AMAZING series Zoe did that I also highly recommend.

Out of the Blue by @jimlingss

This is one of those stories that blooms throughout the narrative until you are left with this gorgeous flower at the end. I loved the journey of these two characters. It was real and it perfectly captures the experience of finding your soulmate in the person you least expect.

Sin Pijama by @brilliantlybasicb

This fic is a switch culture fic. It is wild wicked hot and this Tae is unreal. I love the way he lets the reader think she is in control just long enough. It is a wild romp with an adorable sequel and honestly you should read it.

Girls Like You by @jjiminah

I was in jjiminah’s asks IMMEDIATELY about this fic because I had FEELINGS. The reader begins wordlessly teasing and tempting Tae on their morning bus ride every day until he is literally losing his mind. Everything that follows is fire. Jjiminah has hinted she will wrote more for these two and I NEED IT.

Sighs and Sonnets by @btsaudge

This fic is beautiful. Like it’s basically art. This is a bad boy who is bad for you. But he has the soul of a poet and the stroke game of a renaissance master. Bittersweet and seductive, this fic is a full experience.

The Text by @taetaesbaebaepsae

Tae is your friend with benefits but it looks like feeling may have been caught by one or more parties. When you attempt to soothe your aching heart with another pretty boy, Tae decides to stake his claim. This was very sexy. The whole fic was sexy.

▨ ARRANGED MARRIAGE ▨

Monster by @neonlights92

Monster and all of its companion series about each of the boys is one of those fics that I reread constantly and also just think about constantly. This is one of the best mafia AUs out there and it’s characters are vivid and unforgettable. Tae’s stubborn resistance to his lovely new wife in contrast with her quiet, clever strength really brings this story to life. A word of warning. The masterlist links are a bit messed up. To read part two you must click on part three. And to read part three must click on part four. The link to part four is at the bottom of part three (or you can just search it on her site. It is definitely all there though).

Dichotomy by @kpopfanfictrash

There is a reason the incomparable Shanna is on this list three times. She is truly incomparable. This is childhood friends-to enemies-to spouses and it is wonderful. I adore this Tae. He is sharp and vulnerable and occasionally heavy handed, but truly a gem. This fic also features one of the best angry sex scenes I’ve ever run my eyeballs across.

▨ FANTASY ▨

Chism by @kpopfanfictrash

The world-building in this story is genuinely awe inspiring. You could write series upon series within this vivid universe. The god of Winter is missing and Summer’s heat burns unchecked for many years. The reader is a warrior with a unique ability tasked with guarding a very interesting prisoner. This story is so good. I mean it is really bloomin incredible. It’s hard to say what I liked best about it, because it was stellar across the board.

Obsidian by @kpopfanfictrash

In the pantheon of delicious Tae incarnations, Obsidian Taehyung is essentially unrivaled as a grey witch who moonlights as a sexy rock star. His extremely erotic clash with a white witch detective plays out as the two of them track down a sinister killer (with the help of some truly memorable side characters).

Out of this World by @ddaengyoonmin

This one is really unique. Tae is a merman scientist on the water planet of Neptune and when the reader and her misguided crew crash into his sea, he takes it upon himself to improve inter-species relations. This fic features excellent world building alongside several twists and surprises. Clever scientist Tae is downright irresistible.

▨ ANGST WITH A HAPPY ENDING ▨

Picking Flowers by @jamaisjoons

So this story is a journey - truly a beautiful one and it’s a gorgeous addition to the hanahaki genre. There is real pain and I cried real tears, but gosh it was so sexy and so worth it. I was surprised by how truly immersed I ended up in this piece. I lost track of everything else. The end is insanely satisfying, but the journey is really what makes this fic unmissable.

Until Yesterday by @jimlingss

This fic destroyed me slowly then slowly put me together again piece by piece. When I say I went through it - I WENT THROUGH IT. The story is loosely based on the movie “The Vow” and it is just fantastic. Beautiful and tender till the last word.

The Foolish Muse by @bibbykins

This is the story of someone who is deeply in love, but knows they deserve better. It is a sexy and evocative work with allusions to mythology that fit seamlessly into the narrative. I think my favorite part is Tae discovering how much the reader meant to him and what choices ultimately lead them to a really delicious conclusion.

Back to You by @ladyartemesia

The last time I did a fic rec list, it got like 700 notes. Ya girl is not makin the same mistake again. I spent hours on this list. My work is comin along for the ride. Kim Taehyung is the love of your life, until one day he disappears without a trace.

Vacancy by @ppersonna

This one is the only idol AU on the list and I normally don’t read those, but Lindy’s work is too good to miss in any setting. I am thrilled I took a look because what I found was a glimpse into a beautiful relationship that weathers and eventually overcomes the challenges of loving in the limelight. There is a LOT of emotional depth and symbolism which really elevates everything about this lovely story. The reader’s internal struggles in the face of her lover’s fame are extremely well done.

▨ HYBRID and ABO ▨ (alpha/omega)

Eye of the Tiger by @opaljm

I am beyond hype about this story which is (very) loosely inspired by Zootopia and features a cocky tiger Taehyung and a fiesty prey hybrid he needs to fake date in order to keep panther Jimin from murdering him. (Tiger Tae got a tad too frisky around Jimin’s mate and now things are dangerously awkward.) This story is already so freakin good. I cannot wait for the rest.

Silver and Blue by @taetaewonderland

What happens when you get on the wrong side of the right werewolf? Very sexy - very crazy times. Chronologically this is the first of the Silver and Blue series which follows barely civilized were-Tae through his courtship and eventually his relationship with the spunky reader. Holla to all my impreg kink homies. This is the fic for you.

Heat Run by @ladyartemesia

As I said before, the last time I did a fic rec list, it got like 700 notes. Ya girl is not makin the same mistake twice. I spent hours on this list. My work is comin along for the ride. Alpha lawyer V is a man of many secrets, but his well ordered reality spirals wildly out of control when he crosses paths with a fiery omega set on saving the world from his wicked ways.

Beautiful Stranger by @interludemoonchild

This was a wild ride from start to finish. Taehyung is a tiger hybrid shifter who escapes from the circus to be close to a veterinary student he bonded with. There is a lot of interesting twists and surprises in this one. I was definitely screaming at the end.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by @jingabitch

A very young wolf hybrid Taehyung adopts you as his pet human when you are just a kid. After Tae leaves to serve in the military he returns to an adult version of his sweet little princess and chaos ensues. Mind the tags for this one folks. It’s excellent, but there are very triggering themes throughout.

▨ MULTIPLE PARTNERS ▨

Level of Restraint by @lemonjoonah

This is not strictly a Tae fic in that he is only one of three major players in this twisted masterpiece. Lemon is the undisputed queen of the surprise twist and this one is truly brilliant. People dropped this fic in the discord calling it the best fan fiction they had ever read and I am not here to argue with them at all. Fair warning, every word - every inch of this fic is sexy and it’s delicious brand of titillation is wrapped around your psyche good and tight by the end.

Four by @luxekook

The quadruplets next door are fueling your very lurid fantasies. It turns out they have some fantasies of their own... You will need water if you read this fic. This is the original patented Kim Taehyung Horny Hive Mind 4D Experience™

▨ NEIGHBORS AND ROOMMATES ▨

The Heat Wave Series by @curly-bangtan

The original story (chapter 1) in this series is definitely famous, but I don’t know how many people have read all 9 chapters and if you haven’t, you are really missing the incredible journey of two very horny idiots stumbling recklessly towards real and amazing love. Everything is set off when the air conditioner breaks and a pair of wild roommates shed their inhibitions along with their clothes.

Flicker by @chimoona

So this fic started out with adorable neighbor dynamics and ended with erotic rope tying. Baby I was ABOUT IT. This was so bloomin hot and also like sweet and tender. Really a sexy and sentimental treasure.

Not Your Typical Flower Shop Story by @jungtaeyoongles

This story goes from “aww” to “WHAT THE-” real quick. Fast paced plot and twist after twist turn the whole flower shop au upside down and then inside out. I can’t say more because spoilers but like - WOW.

▨ TABOO THEMES and DARK FIC ▨ (Sex Work/Power Imbalance/Very Unsafe Sex)

Extracurricular by @ppersonna

One of my favorite professor-student AUs. The reader writes her gorgeous professor a borderline erotic analysis of several major works of art and he feels compelled to discuss it with her privately. Lindy really outdid herself on this one. It is scorchin. Professor Tae is actually really sweet and somehow that just makes the whole thing hotter.

Akrasia by @nitaescence

This is insanely hot. Emphasis on the insane because it’s basically a super erotic romp where you have sex with a man you don’t know (Taehyung) on a crowded public bus. I literally felt my blood pressure going up the longer I read. Whew.

The Client by @jungkookiebus

This one hit me right in the feels. Taehyung is a sweet and lonely man who has a standing Wednesday appointment with an upscale sex worker. As the story progresses, feelings become involved on both sides. When I say I am checking her page thrice daily for part three... This is so engrossing. And this Tae. I just want to hold him.

Daffodil Dreams by @sombreboy

Tread carefully ladies and gents. This story is excellent, but it is easily the darkest fic on the list and, if you choose to read it, please read the trigger warnings carefully. The reader is a psychologist called in to analyze a very dangerous criminal. As their sessions progress, however, several boundaries are crossed.

Obey by @jjkfire

Taehyung is the most feared and ruthless member of the local mafia and you are the world’s most inept escort. You needed a job, but had no real interest in sex work and you’ve managed to fly under the radar as a glorified waitress until Kim Taehyung himself walks into your agency and decides that you’re the only girl he wants. Oh my gosh I loved this story so much. It was downright amazing and there is a surprise at the end that makes everything even sweeter.

[lovesanmotion]

yandere!fanboy!ateez reacts: s/o writing a song about them

This is: requested | I guess....the yandere!ateez as fanboys are a success from what I can see. I only uploaded them without thinking. Also, don’t hesitate to blow up my request box! I’m jobless like Hongjoong, Yeosang and Wooyoung. Also, to the sender who requested this, thank you so much for appreciating my blog and writing! 

Lyrics I placed in order:  Love Battery - LOONA (Immortal Songs)  Shadow - F(x)  Going Crazy - Secret Jieun ft. BAP Yongguk Peekaboo - Red Velvet Shampoo - After School Babe - Hyuna Into You - Yuri Love Foolish - TWICE 

Hongjoong: 

“Even if you are not handsome, I like it. Even if you’re not buff, I like it. You are just for me, to me, you are the best.” 

Hongjoong stood among the crowd with a foolish smile painted on his lips. His hands placed on top of his chest as he listens to your new song that you are performing at your comeback concert. 

“Hold me one more time. Hold me tightly until I burst. Love’s effect must be fading. I need you.” 

A soft sigh escapes his lips dramatically. Lovestuck as he watches the love of his life sing a song about him and how she constantly needed his touch or else she’d die from his lack of attention on her. 

“Fill me with love. Love battery has drained. I can’t live without you, I really can’t live without you. You are my battery.” 

He clutches his chest tightly, his heart beating loudly inside. He didn’t cared how wild the others were cheering for your comeback stage, all that matters to him is that this song was made for him. Just for him. Normally he would promote your songs by requesting them on radio stations, but he hesitated on the idea of promoting it. This was his song. And only he gets the full rights to enjoy it. The others are just listening to it, he thought that you were kind enough to let everyone hear the song you made especially for him. 

“To me, you are everything. I like you so much, I totally like you. My only love, there’s no other, my love. You are the best.” 

As the comeback concert ended, everyone inside the concert hall talked about how your comeback song is a hit and promised to get you another music show win. The others gushed how you must be in love that you wrote a song about affection. 

Hongjoong could only chuckle to himself as he walks out of the venue, hands filled with your individual merchandise and a wallet almost empty after emptying the shelves of your concert goods. 

“Stupid fools think that the song is for them when in fact the song is about me. Me! Only me! Why would Y/N ever notice all of you when a whole me exists?” Hongjoong thought to himself as he walked alone late that night. 

Seonghwa: 

“Everyday, I secretly chase after your footsteps. I’m always careful so you won’t notice. No one says it but our date has started, our own date.” 

Click click! Seonghwa focuses his camera on a different angle before taking another shot of you. Click click! 

“Where are you going? Step by step, I follow you. Without a word you lead me. Step by step, did you notice me? I have nowhere to hide anymore.” 

Yesterday, Starlight made a comeback and today, they are performing their comeback song at a radio station. For this comeback, Starlight’s Y/N participated in the song writing, having been credited two songs in the mini album. She partook writing the comeback song! 

“When the sun rises, I walk in sync and together with you. I am really really into you. When the moon rises, you fall asleep in my arms. I really really like you.” 

Seonghwa’s parents had been praising him for landing a wonderful job in the corporate world. When in reality, he was only hired by a fellow sasaeng that gave him much flexible work hours so he could still manage to slip out of his work and follow your every footstep in the country or out. He was being paid fairly well even when all he did was just to follow you around.

“Day by day, we resemble each other more and more. Your laughter and tears, I know it all. Don’t be scared, were a fate tied by the sun, its our destiny to be together.” 

As the performance ended, the girls sat back down on their seats and the interview rolled in. Fansites can only hang outside of the studio, and of course, Seonghwa is up close, nearest to Y/N. 

“Congratulations to Starlight! This is their third comeback and the song is really catchy!” The MC remarked. 

“It’s sounds like a summer song! I heard Y/N took part in the production?” The second MC asked, the cameras then turned to face Y/N. Y/N who was flustered, nodded her head. “Yes” 

“Can you tell us the story behind the song? Your fans are dying to know the meaning behind such a good song.” The first MC says. 

Y/N held the microphone in her head, smiling, she explained: “This is a true to life song. I made a song about a guy who was really handsome and captured my heart. We were always going in the same direction and one time, his hand brushed into mine. And I felt so happy by the small connection.” Y/N chuckles. 

When Seonghwa heard about it, he lowered his camera and stared at Y/N. The song was about him. He remembered how he would spend his vacant period at work to follow Y/N when they were shooting an ad around Namsan because of the newly built skywalk. His hand brushed on hers when they were buying food at the convenient store. Seonghwa was so moved by the explanation that he felt like his feelings grew more for you. 

“My sunshine likes getting attention. My attention. That’s right, my sunshine, bathe in my attention only. ” 

Yunho: 

“It’s not love, this isn’t love. It’s just your obsession. Wherever, Whatever I do. It’s frightening. The you who watches me.”

Yunho watched as Y/N practices for her upcoming comeback stage at The Show next week. He admired how she dare approached a bold and mature comeback. And he was so happy to see this new side of his girl. However, he felt like he needed to be more protective of her since she was going for a more risque concept. 

“Have you gone crazy? Why are you like this? Please just leave me alone now. Seeing you is suffocating. Please disappear from my sight.” 

Yunho stood behind the cameras as he watches Y/N and the featured artist practice. He heard a few staffs make a comment about how the featured artist looks like him. And maybe how you might’ve fallen in love with him. Yunho’s feeling swelled when he heard of those comments. In fact, he was so happy that he heard it from them. But you on the other hand, why do you still deny your feelings for him? Why was it so hard for you to be up front and honest with what you feel? Is it because he works as your manager? You’re in the same company as he is? And that you kept insisting to be professional? At this point, Yunho would resign if that was the case. If he can’t have you because of his line of work, he would be more than pleased to resign and be in your arms everyday. 

“Get lost. Just back off. I really can’t breathe. Wherever I go, wherever I am. It’s frightening. The you who follows me.” 

Yunho managed to lift the debts off his family. After paying the debts, he was able to even buy a new home for them around Gangnam area. His parents hesitated on the idea at first since owning a land in Gangnam costs way more than renting, Yunho told them not to worry. Not to worry since he is being paid royalty in his job. After that, he was able to spoil you with luxurious gifts and live with you in your apartment. More like forced himself into your home. 

“This ain’t right, this isn’t love. It just hurts me, don’t be like this. I loved you. But I don’t now. Erase me from your memory.” 

And when the song was released, Yunho was all up for promoting it. He made everyone he know listen to the song in various streaming platforms and watch the MV as well. Whether you would like it or not, Yunho is here to stay in your life. Permanently. 

Yeosang: 

“Peekaboo! This is new, is this love? All my friends yell at me, they say I have a problem. I’m fine fine fine fine fine fine.” 

A small painted Yeosang lips as his eyes followed you on stage. He watched you as you danced in a tight red dress. That was his gift for you last Christmas to be exact. The designer brand didn’t really put it out for sale. They only made one and had it up for auction. It was a dress that accentuated your curves and complimented your skin. Yeosang won the auction and had it included in your next comeback. 

“Tag you’re it! It’ll be fun! I’ll include you here. Til the moon hangs on the jungle gym, let’s play” 

Since Yeosang is someone who holds a high position in the company, he made a proposal to be your sponsor. At first, your members didn’t like the idea since sponsors have a bad reputation attached to it. But you were naive and still proceeded with the sponsorship. You thought it would go bad, but Yeosang made you feel comfortable in his home and gave you all the fame that you wanted. Never did he once ask anything that was against your morals. 

“Peekaboo! It’s strange, you’re different. I stop this game and I look at you again. I’m not a fraid, because I just felt that a new story will begin” 

Your members were still cautious about Yeosang orbitting around you. There was something about him that they could not lay a finger on. Scared that they would find their contracts terminated the following day. But seeing you happy, they felt like they needed to stop. As long as you are happy, they are happy. Yeosang included. 

“Don’t worry, my love. You’re safe with me. Anyone who accuses you will come to me first.” 

San: 

It was 9pm when you made a surprise V live alone in the recording room of your company building. San was actually nearby, he was hid inside the convenient store where he bumped into you before. 

“Hello everyone! Have you all eaten? I missed you alot.” He watches his Y/N pout in the screen. His heart raced a bit, 

“I ate already, my love. Don’t worry.” San responds, as if it was only him that you were talking to. 

“I made a new song and I’m in the recording room. Apparently, I was given permission to spoil the song for you!” Y/N happily takes her phone and draws it closer to the company phone of where she is doing her live. 

“I wanna be shampoo Trickling down your hair I wanna embrace you With my strong fragrance  I will wrap around your entire body With white foam  So even the mirrors can’t see you I will cover you  So no one can have you You won’t ever get rid of my scent” 

“That’s all the spoil for now.” Y/N stops the recording and turns the camera to her face again. She leaned her face closer and read a few comments about how would the fans think. 

“What is your inspiration behind this song?” She read aloud. She leaned back in her seat with her lips pursed. “In all honesty, I met a male fan last week. I actually bumped into him and I was able to smell his perfume and...” Y/N paused. “He smelled so good that...was it possible to fall in love just by smelling their perfume?” Y/N chuckles softly. 

San had his eyes wide. The song was about him. He felt like bursting from his seat but he refrained himself from doing so. 

“I hope he isn’t a weird fan. I also have a fan who constantly bothers me even at the late hours. It’s bothering me. And I hope the person stops soon.” Y/N said. Double jackpot! He got mentioned twice by you. He couldn’t wait until the song releases, he was already booking train station platforms in honor for the release of your song. 

Mingi: 

Was it possible to fall in love with just a touch? Ever since the incident at the Incheon Airport, your company has become stricter and hired more bodyguards when it comes to outside activities. From what you heard, VS Media is even rewriting their rules when it comes to fan and idol gift giving. 

“Come on, let me play some more. Why treat babies gently, I cannot count on you, my age. You’ve walked in any magic. I am the one for you. Everyday I wake up. This is mine.” 

Ever since the incident at the airport, you slightly became uncomfortable with the idea of leaving the dorm. Despite your feelings, rest assured that your members were always there for you. 

“I am not sleeping today. I remember my eyes. I’m not sleeping.”

It’s been a month since you stepped foot inside the airport again, things were going okay. You were able to walk inside and through the gates without any problem. The fans still following your footsteps, you tried to loosen up yourself a bit - smiling and waving at them. Nothing could go wrong. 

Until, you saw a figure from your peripheral vision. You turned your head to take a look, but no one was there. Strange. As you and your group were able to board the plane, you took a seat near the window and pulled out your lyrics notebook. Flipping through the pages, you stopped at an unfinished work. The unfinished work is your solo song used as an outro for Starlight’s upcoming full album. 

“Babe babe babe in your eyes. Babe babe babe in your hand. My appearance is babe babe babe babe. I want to hear it again.”

“Are you writing a song?” You were startled with the question. You turned your head and didn’t noticed how a man with a mask and cap sat besides you already. 

“Yes I am” You spoke softly. “Can I read it?” the man besides you asked. 

You hesitantly gave him the notebook, the man took it and read through the lyrics. 

“I like how you composed the song. It’s still in its raw form too. You’re a genius.” The man complimented. You smiled and thanked him for the compliment. The next thing you knew shocked you. 

The man placed a hand on your knee, his other free hand removed his mask and cap. Song Mingi. At that moment, you couldn’t process what was happening. All you knew was that your mind kept telling you to tell at least your members. But your body started heating up at his touch. 

“Did you miss me?” 

Wooyoung: 

Wooyoung had disguised himself as the photographer for your album. The night before it came, he worked on creating his fake ID and borrowed a spare camera to use for the production. 

“At that smile that sees my eyes. For me, the whole world is bathed in light. Hold my hands and I close my eyes. I hope this time stops here.”

Wooyoung’s breath almost took away as he saw you in black under shorts and wrinkled and almost unbuttoned white button down. He didn’t know what the concept was but his eyes were already feasting on your body, not ever feeling full. 

“Fall in love more deeply, you and I. Let’s fall in deeply, you and I together. The one thing that I want. You seep into me, you spread inside of me.” 

“Ms Y/N taking the bold move of doing her first sexy concept.” Y/N’s manager teased her. Wooyoung knew everyone who was on set. Him, Y/N, Y/N’s manager, stylist, make up artist and a few production crew that wasn’t part of VS Media. 

“What’s the story behind this concept?” Y/N’s manager asked, Wooyoung could only stare in awe at Y/N. Never did he see this side of her. He always knew of Y/N as the sweet and bubbly girl in soft concepts. But of course, Wooyoung love to break the types. 

“I actually like to search my name on the internet. And I came across fanfics of myself.” Y/N chuckles. Oh that sweet sound that made Wooyoung’s heart beat fast. The audio recorders can never outdo it. 

“There is a certain blog that possibly does a lot. That blog posts photos of me, writes fanfics and posts my schedules too. He’s doing god works for my other fans.” Y/N chuckles. As the production of the photoshoot started, Wooyoung did his best to capture the real beauty of this side of Y/N. 

“What a hardworking fan. What’s the name of the blog?” 

“ForY/N” 

Wooyoung’s eyes widens as he heard the name of his blog. His blog inspired you to make a song....about him? 

“Filling my whole heart. With you, I feel my heart. Fall in love more deeply, you and I. Let’s fall in deeply, you and I together.” 

“The way that person writes really amazes me. I’d like to get to know the person.” Y/N explains. His mind fell into a spiral. Part of him wanted the song to be released already but there was also a part of him that wanted the song to be released for him only. 

“Wish will soon become tomorrow. Today is more heart fluttering than yesterday. I want to go together with you. Closer to the place where my dream reaches.”

The bonus thing about what Wooyoung did today is that as a photographer, he was able to keep some of the photos. Running away even with some. 

Jongho: 

Jongho fell in line for the release of your album. He was actually second in line as he was actually camping outside of the building of your company. 

“Everyday I called out your name, about a thousand times, about ten million times Before you finally heard it Cut and rewind, why can’t you be mine? Ooh the one who spins my head like this It’s you, just running running running around you  My repeatedly-midnight promise  I don’t know what to do”

Jongho, who had his arms crossed over his chest, looked up and down to turn around where that song was coming from. He hasn’t heard of this song but he knew that was your voice.

“Crazy love!  I love you, love you, hate, foolish Crazy love!  I love you Make me feel so high Love!  I love you, love you, hate, foolish Crazy love!  I hate you Make me so bad It’s weird, the more I fall for you I’m sorry, I’ll hate you I don’t know, I can’t explain this I’m trapped in a labyrinth of strange emotions”

The whole room was adorned with your own merchandise and on the TV display was actually an MV of your b side. Jongho took a basket and grabbed a handful of your limited and regular version of your albums, along with a packet of your photocards and a griptok. 

As he was in line to pay for his orders, in which his basket was filled as he actually bought more of your items. You made a sudden appearance into the room. For Jongho, he felt as if the room got brighter when you suddenly stepped inside. When it was his turn to pay for his items, the people behind the counter were amazed at how many he was able to fit into his basket. 

Tapping his feet impatiently, he wanted to be able to greet you before you left the room. When his bag was handed to him, he immediately took it and sped walk towards your direction, talking to a few. 

He felt as if the gods were with him. As he drew closer to you, the ones you were talking to left and it just you and him now. 

“Hello Y/N!” Jongho greeted. You turned to him happily. “Hello!” 

“I really really like this song of yours!” He gushed happily. “Can you tell me about it?” 

You nodded happily. “The song is actually about someone who makes me feel happy, the idea of love in a dangerous way? The idea send me thrills.” You chuckled. Jongho felt ecstatic. Beyond the moon even. You wrote a song about him! 

That afternoon when he got home, he made sure that everyone in Seoul would be able to hear the song that you made. It was for him so he had full brag rights to do so. 

[wangxianficrecs]

{hey, i'm starting a general fic rec blog for the MDZS/The Untamed, and i was also planning on building up resources for authors. i was wondering if you had any tips for running a fic rec blog?}

Hey, that sounds very cool!  What kind of resources are you trying to gather?  Like, cultural meta or writing advice or what?

I’d say the most important thing about running a fic rec blog is the archiving, which means you’ll have to slog through creating a tag page (and that sucks).  Find other people’s tag pages to use as a guide, so you’re not overwhelmed by categories.  I’ve used the very well-organized @wheredidhiseyebrowsgo and @mdzs-fic to help me figure out the best way to categorize themes, tropes, etc.

ABOUT TAGGING:

Only the first 5 tags will show up in tag feeds (for example, if someone tracks #wangxian, and you use that tag, they’ll see your post even if they aren’t following you).  So pick your first 5 tags very carefully.

Only the first 20 tags will show up in ANY search, including ones that happen within your blog.  So I wouldn’t bother with any tags 21- ∞, they’ll be useless.

Be consistent!  Don’t tag wangxian one time and lan zhan/wei ying the next, for example, or fox!wwx and later use fox wei wuxian.  You’ve only got 20 tags to work with, and one tag page!

The tumblr censor-bot will often render your posts invisible, so be careful what you put in tags.  Things that have set off the censor-bot:  #prostate exam, #role reversal, #virgin, #explicit, and any sex act at all.  As you can see, the list is puritanical along with occasionally being simply baffling.  Check your posts once you’ve posted by clicking on one of the first 5 tags to see if it shows up.  If it doesn’t, then start eliminating tags you think might offend a conservative granny... it’ll show up eventually ;)

Tumblr tag searches only pull up the last 200 posts with that tag.  Do with that what you will.  (My blog has well over 500 recs at this point, so the common tags, like ‘wangxian’, will only pull up the recent posts.)

ALSO:

Tumblr will sometimes just... remove your links.  I try to never link to twitter, for example (tumblr doesn’t like that).  If you do a compilation post, tumblr will eliminate all links if you have over 200 (as I just learned to my sorrow).  And sometimes, randomly as far as I can tell, you just have too many (like @’s and other, external, links) and tumblr hides your post.  So keep that in mind.

On your blog, ‘search’ pulls up different things from ‘tagged’ even if all of them have your term in the tags.  So when you’re making your tag page, try both of them on for size and then pick the one that pulls up the most/best options.

On your dashboard, ‘search’ will go through tags 1-20, some content, and titles -- whereas ‘tagged’ only covers the first 5 tags.

I think it helps to have a clear idea of what your blog will be.  For example, mine contains only things I’ve read (or, rarely, clearly differentiated ‘reader recs’ as Asks).  I focus on having a comment/summary/tags of my own with every fic, because that is what matters to me, when I’m selecting a fic, and so I assume there must be a lot of people who also want that.  (The cover graphics get attention, but mostly they’re just really fun to do, which is why they’re there.)

Other rec blogs focus on different things.  Some are more about archiving (tags), some include tumblr fics along with ao3 fics, like reblogging stories and snippets.  Some reblog other people’s recs.  (I only post original content, to keep things neat, but there’s not a right or wrong way to do it.  I’m always happy when tumblr writers like @mondengel or @sarah-yyy post their stuff on AO3, so I can rec it then ;)

[As an aside, does anyone run a rec blog for fics found on wordpress or wattpad?  Because I never haunt those places, and have no idea if there are good stories there or not.  I wouldn’t even know how to search for them.]

I would suggest that you not use your rec/resource blog to just reblog random MDZS content (art, gifs, meta, etc.), and save that for another, messier blog.  The more concise your offering is, the more people are willing to commit to it. But that’s entirely up to you.

I hope this helps, good luck, and have fun!

-mojo

[imanativeofswlondondahling]

Hiding in Plain Sight (1)- Tom Holland X Reader

Word Count-1792

A/N: This was inspired by this wonderful post by @starsholland. Without it this would not be happening. This will be a multi part fic, but I don’t know how many chapters or when it will be posted so if you’d like to be tagged let me know:)  Welcome to Tom being undercover on Tumblr. Quick notes- Y/T/B = Your Tumblr Blog, Y/A is your age :)

“You’re not going to make me go undercover on Tumblr are you?” Tom asks as they hook up the mike to his white t-shirt. “I’ve heard dangerous things about that site.”

“No, no. We’re sticking to Reddit, Twitter, Youtube. Maybe some Quora and IMDB.” The redheaded assistant sitting across from him states as she places the GQ laptop across from him. Tom sees Harrison’s shoulders silently moving up and down, laughing at the idea of him having to go undercover on the site that he had been telling horror stories of for weeks leading up to this interview. “If any of these don’t sound good to you, we can skip them.”

“No, those sound fine.” Tom says. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

“Camera A ready?” She asks the camera man sitting diagonally from where she is. In response she gets a nod. “Tom when you’re ready say something like I’m Tom Holland and I’m going undercover on the internet to answer your questions. It’s actually me. Something like that.”

From across the room Harrison watches as Tom flows through the questions easily, hoping from site to site with better technical luck than he normally has. He can guess that some of the answers will be giffed and blasted around social media within minutes of this interview going live. It would shock him if it didn’t.

“Check it out mate.” On his screen flashes Tom saying I drink tea darling over and over again. “Your fans love it. Which is good, seeing how upset a lot of them are over the Disney/Sony thing.”

“Where is this?”

“Your favorite site.”

“Instagram?”

“Tumblr.” Tom rolls his eyes and falls back into the couch.

“Why are you even on there?”

“Why aren’t you? So many fangirls, so little time.” Tom shoots a dirty look at Harrison. “But in all seriousness, there’s a lot of great reactions and gifs that you can only find on Tumblr. You should check it out.” Tom reaches for Harrison’s computer but he pulls away. “Make your own account. It costs nothing.”

“Ugh, fine.” Pulling his phone out of his pocket, downloads the app and creates an account. Expecting one of the fangirls to have already have taken his common username, he’s surprised to be able to fill out the form with tomholland2013 as his username. Will that seem too much like him? Who knows. It’s not like he’s planning to actually use this site. He just using it to see what Harrison wants him to see. “What do I look up?”

“Just search the hashtag Tom Holland and look under recent for the most recent stuff. Most of it is your undercover interview. Or you can look under the Tom Holland top posts and see what your fans are obsessed with.” Tom is on the main page and sees a suggestion of blogs. A lot of them have his name intertwined in them with his picture as the profile picture. Guess it wouldn’t hurt to follow some blogs while he’s on here? 

The first one he follows is @starsholland who seems to write fanfictions about him but also shares a lot of marvel pictures. By clicking follow it brings up a lot of suggested blogs to follow. He clicks on @tonguetiedholland and sees another fanfiction writer but also a lot of posts between them and other bloggers. “Is this site just fanfiction?”

“No, there’s pictures and edits and stuff too. Why? You only interested in the fanfiction?”

“I only seem to find fanfictions.” Tom replies as he clicks on a blog called @tomhollandsstan, finding a mix of fanfictions, pictures and conversations. However his eyes scroll through one of the fics and find something much more raunchy than he anticipated finding. “Holy hell. What are they writing all of this about?”

“Reading something steamy Tommy?” Harrison teases. Tom feels his face flush with the embarrassment of knowing that there are girls and guys out there picturing stuff like this with him as the main feature. 

“I’m getting off this site. It’s bloody porn.”

“No wait, you’ve just stumbled down the wrong path. Let me send you some blogs to look at.” Harrison pulls up some of the ones that are mostly pictures and reactions. “What’s your tumblr handle? I’ll send them to you?”

“Tomholland2013.”

“Really? It wasn’t taken?”

“Nope.”

“See how long it stays secretive.”

“I don’t plan on using it.” Tom says as he hits follow on some of the other blogs that Harrison sent him, including one that was @Y/T/B. He found himself scrolling through it a little more in depth than he had with any of the other pages he had been on. The posts and your reactions were more what he expected of tumblr. Glee filled, but not thirsty. Hitting follow was a no brainer.

Across the country, your phone lights up as you get a notification from Tumblr. You’re about to swipe it away, since your day is currently going down hill as the recipes you’re in the middle of trying out are turning into pinterest fails. Also you should have checked before you started baking a cake that you had powdered sugar to make frosting, so you’ll have to do another pinterest deep dive for a frosting recipe since you can’t use your tried and true recipe.

However, the name on the notification catches your eye- Tomholland2013 has followed you. Wow someone finally snatched the name. There had been jokes around the fandom for months that someone should snag the name so Tom could have it whenever or if-ever he decided to join tumblr. But it seems someone has decided to be Tom. Whoever it is though seems to enjoy your posts because they’re liking your posts in succession. While your stand mixer whirls, you open to their blog and see there’s nothing there. Not even a banner or an icon photo. They must be a super new blog. You back out of their blog and almost back out of the app when you see a message from this Tom Holland wanna be.

From: Tomholland2013

I really like all your edits of Tom. Can I use one as my profile pic? X

You pause for a second before replying. This person wasn’t the first to ask to use one of your edits as a profile picture. Why does this feel different though? It has to just be because of the name. You click to reply to the ask.

I’m so surprised someone finally took the name. Me and @imanativeofswlondondahling had a bet going on for how long it was going to stay open in case Tom wanted it. Anyway, feel free to use my edits, or if you have a favorite picture of Tom, send it my way and I’ll make an edit for you.

You hit send on the ask before you can change your mind and then you turn back to your cake- which has probably been overwhipped now.

“Do I have a favorite picture of Tom?” Tom mumbles to himself as he reads over your reply. He’d love to see something that was made for him, but that means finding a picture of himself that he wants edited. “Harrison, com’ere mate. Take a selfie with me.”

“What’s this for?” Harrison asks before posing. @Y/T/B wouldn’t know this was just a selfie. You’d probably think he just did a Google deep dive.

“Need a profile picture. For my blog.” Tom teases, before clicking back to his messages on tumblr. There has to be a way to send a direct message instead of an ask like he did before. He had been planning to use an edit you had done of him saying I drink tea darling, but he wasn’t going to toss up having a custom made icon. After fiddling around on the app for a few minutes Tom finally figures out how to send a message and sends the picture he had snapped with Harrison a few minutes earlier. He tacks on a quick message asking her to do whatever she wants with the picture and to take as long as she wants and or needs. After hitting send, he clicks back to your blog's main page, trying to learn more about you.

At the top of your page, simply stated, it reads Y/N, Y/A, Tom Holland Fan. Well that does tell him you’re around his age, so that makes him feel less like a creeper. He wants to know everything he can about you, but all he can find through scrolling is mainly, well him. He can’t explain why, but there’s a sort of pull towards you from what he can find in your messages to other people and responding to anon messages, you seem like someone he’d want to be friends with. You have a great sense of humor and make jokes as often as you can in your messages. 

“Haz, can I turn on notifications for, like a certain blog?” Tom calls across the living room.

“Thought you weren’t going to use it.”

“There’s a couple blogs I like.”

“Sure, let me show you.” Tom passes his phone over and watches as Harrison turns on notifications for your blog. “Oh she’s great. Her reactions when news is posted is great.” A notification pops up on your screen. “Apparently she just posted.”

A cake maker I am not destined to be. Gordon Ramsay will make an idiot sandwich out of me.

A picture of a very sad looking cake appears under her text. “Maybe she should stick to making edits.” Harrison jokes. 

“Mate, that’s rude.”

“But it’s not wrong. Plus it’s not like yours would look much better.”

“Mine would be worse.” Taking his phone back, he clicks on the comment bubble and types out: looks better than anything I would make X His inbox dings a couple moments later. 

How have I never seen this photo of Harrison and Tom? Did it get posted while I was attempting to bake?

I think it’s an old photo. Found it on my phone. X And technically that’s not a lie.

Well I’ll hop on that edit. Any colors you prefer?

Blue or Red would be good I guess. X

I’ll get right on that. What’s with all the x’s?

Oh it’s a European thing. It’s just how we sign off texts and messagesX

If it’s annoying I can try and not do it?X

It’s fine. Just didn’t know why it was there. 

Do you think Tom does it?

Oh most definitely. What kind of Brit would he be if he didn’t?X

Well I’ll go get on the edit, hopefully I’ll have it done in the next day or so

No hurryX

Thanks againX

[thelarryficrecplace]

2019 Summer fics I’ve read and enjoyed

Hello friends! As some of you might know already, I took a small break from Tumblr and Fic reading as I had to focus on life for a few months. Honestly, I was almost sure I was going to delete this blog after coming back from travelling but now I’m home it turns out I’m more into reading fics than ever so here’s some fics I’ve read after my break that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed:

Delicate by FallingLikeThis:

Summary: They say opposites attract.

Maybe that’s why nerdy, shy Harry Styles has such a huge crush on rough, brash Louis Tomlinson.

And now, he's stuck in a lift with him.

Word count: 1,492

2,870 Miles by SadaVeniren:

Summary: Harry hated the BT Sports commentators, but considering he couldn’t fly to Baku while eight months pregnant this was all he had if he wanted to watch his husband in the Europa League final.

Word count: 1,508

Moon Dances Over by LadyLondonderry:

Summary: Louis knows that his tail is, frankly, stunning. His iridescent blue scales shimmer in even the slightest sunlight, and his fins have grown since he presented, delicate and almost transparent in their webbing.

He also knows that that means he’ll be one of the first to pick tonight, as the most beautiful omegas are blessed to pick their mates first. It’s considered a huge honour, since the guppies they’ll eventually birth will certainly be beautiful as well, bringing favour on the whole clan.

Louis has a stubborn streak, though. He’s always been rather a fan of mating for love, and there’s someone he’s had his eye on for a long time now.

Word count: 1,982

On the edge of the next nine years by forreveries:

Summary: In which Harry and Louis come out at the Met Gala.

Word count: 2,503

Public Display of Erection by dinosaursmate:

Summary: Louis has moved into his new flat and is surprised by what he witnesses out of his window.

Word count: 2,283

White Stripes by allwaswell16:

Summary: Harry’s roommate is gorgeous, kind, generous, and basically everything Harry has ever wanted in another alpha. The only problem is that he isn’t even sure that his alpha roommate is into other alphas. In an effort to finally get over him, he lets Niall set him up on a blind date.

Word count: 3,148

or are you giving it to someone else by louistomlinsons:

Summary: or, louis hears his neighbor having loud sex through the walls and it's not a problem until it is

Word count: 3,337

Understanding Silences by Jennifer_Kaid:

Summary: Staring at the black swirling ink was something everyone did, fantasizing the voice speaking those words, picturing the scenario that would lead them to find their soulmate. Harry did that too, only, he wondered why would those be his soulmate's first words. It was not a light curiosity, it was big question in his life.

Word count: 3,486

tiny exaggeration by jaerie:

Summary: Louis is frustrated that they've been dating for months and still haven't taken their relationship to the next level. Sometimes the foolishness of the past lingers in the present. Louis wants that to change.

Word count: 3,812

Roll the Dice by allwaswell16:

Summary: Louis has been in love with Harry since they were eighteen. It isn't until Harry's thirtieth birthday in Las Vegas that Louis must finally decide to either tell Harry how he feels or let him marry someone else.

Word count: 3,870

getting high in mine by bottomlinsons:

Summary: Getting home from a festival is miserable by any method, but a three-hour train ride is truly the bottom of the barrel.

This time, though, with the help of the cute guy sitting on the floor, it might not be so bad.

Word count: 3,951

Nothing Can Come Between by HamPalpert:

Summary: Louis comes over for film night, and Harry keeps his hands to himself. Literally. But what's supposed to be a secret self-love session quickly spirals out of control.

Word count: 4,121

take on me by bottomlinsons:

Summary: Louis is an assassin. Normally, he's a very good assassin. This hasn't happened to him before.

Word count: 4,155

hard for me to know i might see you around by coffeelouis (silverspoonharry):

Summary: [or, a TINDER AU where Harry swipes left on Louis' joke of a profile, then ends up stuck next to him on a trans-Atlantic flight.]

Word count: 4,204

Home Remedies by kingsofeverything (FullOnLarrie):

Summary: Louis’ hiccups just won’t stop. Harry, his roommate and best friend, is willing to do anything to help.

Word count: 4,230

Finally Their Time by lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes):

Summary: (Or, Harry and Louis attend the Met Gala together, and suddenly the whole world knows)

Word count: 4,230

Stealing Flowers by lululawrence:

Summary: Or the one where Louis pines after the Sexy Stranger on the Subway and almost asks him out. That's when the strange posters start showing up around Brooklyn.

Word count: 4,287

to be a king beside you somehow by nauticalleeds (metamorphosis):

Summary: Or, Harry and Louis come out at the 2019 Met Gala. It's not supposed to be easy. Somehow, it is.

Word count; 4,723

bloom! by turnyourankle:

Summary: Harry is a florist, and Louis is the very taken repeat customer he can't get out of his head.

Word count: 4,835

My love, he makes me feel like nobody else, nobody else by SilverShadow1:

Summary: The one where Harry screams, 'Daddy!' at a party and what follows is the best night of his life.

Word count: 4,963

Whisk me off my feet by allwaswell16:

Summary: When Louis locks himself out of his apartment in just a pair of novelty underwear, he hopes his new neighbor can come to his rescue.

Word count: 5,054

Thumbing My Way Back to You by 13ways:

Summary: Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect.

Word count: 5,286

I’ll Show You Magic by kingsofeverything (FullOnLarrie):

Summary: Louis didn’t mean to go home with a Muggle, and he didn’t mean to sneak out of his flat in the morning. He definitely didn’t mean to wind up in that same flat a month later, attempting to steal a magical object before the Muggle gets home.

Word count: 5,330

Hey, Mr. DJ by allwaswell16:

Summary: Harry really, really does NOT want to go out to a club tonight and be hassled by a bunch of alpha knotheads, but against his better judgement, he finds himself alone on the dance floor, barefoot, with an orange in his hand. This is all Niall's fault. At least the DJ is the most strikingly gorgeous alpha he's ever seen...

Word count: 5,513

wild love twisting all over for you by angelichl:

Summary: Harry and Louis meet on the set of a video.

Word count: 6,067

Easier by allwaswell16:

Summary: The last person Louis wants to see is his ex-boyfriend who also happens to be his soulmate.

Word count: 6,148

burnt & tied up by tilthesundies:

Summary: Come to the show tonight, Harry told him. Begged him. Pleaded with him.

Louis isn’t doing this for him.

Word count: 6,327

Won't You Love Me? by Halos_Boat:

Summary: Where Louis is Spider-Man, Harry is oblivious, Liam has a problem with communicating his feelings, Zayn is frustratingly handsome and Niall has a pet turtle.

Word count: 6,478

Stay forever by allwaswell16:

Summary: For the last year and a half, Harry has spent his coffee break at the same cafe every day, not because he loves their coffee, but rather because of the gorgeous omega behind the counter making the coffees. As a beta, he’s sure he doesn’t stand a chance with him, so he goes online to find as close a substitute as possible.

Word count: 6,481

Graphic design is my passion by kingsofeverything (FullOnLarrie):

Summary: Graphic design student Louis Tomlinson has exams to study for and final art projects to complete, if it would stop raining long enough for him to walk across campus. Luckily Harry Styles has an umbrella, and he’s perfectly willing to share.

Louis doesn’t plan to get his heart broken and he doesn’t plan to make almost a hundred silicone dildos. One of these things definitely happens.

Word count: 6,482

'Sup by MediaWhore:

Summary: Gemma really wants her little brother to sign up for a dating app and get back in the game after a messy divorce. Harry thinks he’s way too old to swipe. They compromise to devastatingly embarrassing results.

Meanwhile, all Louis wants is to finish the play he’s been commissioned to write, but one of the regulars at his local coffee shop keeps distracting him.

ft. older larry, pushy gemma, harry being a disaster gay and silver fox louis.

Word count: 6,712

Act Out by feermartsant:

Summary: Harry and Louis try to spice it up a little for their 10th year marriage anniversary. Cliché role play ensues.

Word count: 6,721

Traffic Light by dinosaursmate:

Summary: Harry, a university student fresh out of a relationship, attends a Traffic Light Party. He knew all about the red, yellow and green cups, but the blue one confuses him. What does DTF mean, anyway?

Word count: 7,120

streetwise hercules by bottomlinsons:

Summary: Uni AU, where Louis pretends to be Harry's boyfriend to scare away his one night stands.

Word count: 7,272

A Little Bit Like Fate by Galaxie:

Summary: Louis stumbles upon a kiss-in protest for LGBTQ rights, and he meets Harry. They click. It feels a little bit like fate.

Word count: 7,744

i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved by werebothstubborn:

Summary: Louis has a brilliant idea. Harry begs to differ. Until he doesn't.

Word count: 8,376

The Charles Compass Trilogy by SadaVeniren:

Summary: Louis Tomlinson is a successful writer who rents a beach house on the Cape to try and finish the final book in his successful Charles Compass trilogy.

Word count: 8,671

The way you smile by allwaswell16:

Summary: Harry doesn’t need to go on holiday. Unfortunately, his mum and sister disagree, which is how he ends up alone on holiday in the Caribbean. Luckily, he's not alone for long.

Word count: 9,619

You Turned Up (Like a Friend of Mine) by lululawrence:

Summary: Or the one where Harry disappears on graduation day only to show up on Louis' door looking exactly the same ten years later. Through a series of strange events, maybe they can finally figure out that they're destined to be together, no matter what.

Word count: 10,070

Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy by lovelarry10:

Summary: Harry's a barman at Flaming Saddles, a country and western themed gay bar.

Louis’ a customer who’d like to see if the tall barman is as good on the ropes as everyone says he is...

Word count: 10,222

Everything I need I get from you by jaerie:

Summary: In a world where music and sound are just as vital to health as food, Harry is stuck in a town that thinks professional music is a scam and a relationship he never wanted. One chance event changes his life.

Word count: 10,456

all the strings attached by floweredhalo:

Summary: “He wasn’t good enough for you anyway, H,” Louis says and continues eating. Harry’s still reeling from the fact that Louis is jealous. Part of him wants to prove that Louis has nothing to be jealous about, that Harry is fully Louis’ and no one else’s. The other part wants to punish Louis for acting spoiled. But Harry can’t act on either urge, he tightens his hand into a fist in his lap instead.

“No, he wasn’t. He didn’t quite fit the job.”

“Harry, it wouldn’t be a job to date you. It would be lovely,” Louis says, almost in a whisper. They’re sitting closer, Harry just now notices. Louis’ body is completely angled towards Harry and Harry’s body is not far behind.

Word count: 10,517

come together by bottomlinsons:

Summary: Harry and Louis slept together three weeks ago, and haven't talked.Their coming group project is gonna change that.

Word count: 11,079

couldn't be more in love by cabinbythesea:

Summary: Louis Tomlinson is thirty-one. Harry Styles is not. (Best friends with a seven year age gap who fuck because they are both actually smitten and, let’s face it, hot as fuck together).

Featuring an engagement ring without actually being engaged, a Medicine by Harry Styles reference, and a painful playlist.

Word count: 11,502

Eyes Wide Open by lovelarry10:

Summary: The X Factor House. Louis wanks. Harry watches. Everything changes...

Word count: 12,046

Waste the Night by wickedarcher_08:

Summary: Harry is excited to finally see his favourite band in concert and his favourite person, the guitarist of the band, Louis Tomlinson. Little does he know what the night has in store for him.

Word count: 12,196

Breathe In, Breathe Out by dinosaursmate:

Summary: Louis Tomlinson begins visiting a new pub on his lunch break, mostly because he really fancies Harry, the cute, curly-haired barman. As Louis gears up to ask him out, he doesn't realise that there is a huge stumbling block in his way: Harry is taken, and by someone rather familiar.

Word count: 12,408

No Bunny But You by crinkle-eyed-boo (KimmieRocks):

Summary: A slow Monday night behind the bar turns into something else entirely thanks to a new mural and a new customer.

Word count: 13,043

In a sky full of stars, be my Northern lights by we_are_the_same:

Summary: Harry: Hello! Harry: Thank you for swiping right Harry: I have a proposition for you

Word count: 13,420

Could you love me anyway by SadaVeniren:

Summary: aka Harry and Louis begin playing ping pong during the X-Factor Tour. It quickly gets out of hand.

Word count: 13,444

The Boy With The Pearl Earring by lovelarry10:

Summary: Harry heads home after the Met Gala to get ready for the After Party, but there's a surprise waiting for him...

Word count: 14,252

just one look (and i fell so hard) by disgruntledkittenface:

Summary: Harry has wanted to go to the Shubert Theatre ever since he moved to New York and lucked into a rent-controlled apartment just outside of the Theatre District. When he finally gets his chance, he hopes the night can meet his sky-high expectations. But the last thing he could have expected was the man seated next to him.

Word count: 15,274

tonight's not over (come over and stay) by louistomlinsons:

Summary: or, harry is a famous singer and louis is a student who just wants to write his novel

Word count: 16,990

Fiction Romance by rougeandtonic:

Summary: Harry has a type.

He likes older, sophisticated, mature men. Well-educated men. Men with life experience and passion for arts and social causes. Men who are established in their careers, who've sorted their lives out.

Niall knows this.

And so Harry can't understand why he's sat here opposite Louis Tomlinson.

Word count: 17,560

I Want You S'more by 2tiedships2:

Summary: Or the one where the least alpha-y alpha and the least omega-y omega show that secondary genders aren’t set in stone and sometimes it works when you kinda share that.

Word count: 17,939

You Have to Retreat to Advance by 2tiedships2:

Summary: Or the one where Harry is expected to bring his longterm omega to the company's mountain retreat. Since he hadn't told anyone that they'd broken up months ago, he now has to find someone willing to play the part.

Word count: 18,056

Leather And Lace by DEAdea:

Summary: Or a short BDSM AU where Louis wants someone to make him forget how to speak and Harry will do everything to make him say all the words.

Word count: 19,319

say that you can see me (i'll speak up i swear) by coffeelouis (silverspoonharry):

Summary: [or, the liberal arts COLLEGE AU where Harry knows Louis as the best friend of the boy he has been hopelessly in love with for years now and Louis knows Harry as the boy he wished would look away from Zayn long enough to notice him.]

Word count: 20,053

Be Mine, Dear by louisgrindsonharry:

Summary: The one where Louis just wants to meet his mate, and all it takes is for him to get a new neighbor.

Word count: 20,104

Drunk in Love (last thing I remember) by MrsStylinson:

Summary: Or the one where Louis wakes up, naked, in a stranger's bed and has no idea how he got there. Maybe it's foul play. Maybe it's just the kindness of a handsome stranger amused by his drunken antics.

Word count: 22,102

I Drove All Night (To Get To You) by lovelarry10:

Summary: Harry’s job as a chauffeur for the rich and famous was not as flashy as he’d thought. Late nights having to listen to the ridiculous demands and whims of these high profile clients leaves him disheartened with the world he thought was all glitz and glamour.

One night his boss asks him a favour. To collect one last client before he clocks off. Only problem is when that client gets into the car it’s Louis Tomlinson. As in Harry’s all time crush. As in future husband and father of all his children Louis Tomlinson.

He can be cool and professional, right?

Word count: 23,481

The Daddiest Place on Earth by lovelarry10:

Summary: Louis. Harry. Instagram. A whole lot of confusion and a whole lot of laughs...

Word count: 23,558

Whipped Cream by writingstylinson:

Summary: [Harry is a deaf photographer in charge of taking Lottie's wedding pictures. Louis is determined for Harry to be his plus one.

Word count: 24,186

I Can Be Your Hero Baby (Just Let Me Get My Sword) by CalamityK:

Summary: Or that AU where Louis is a private investigator with London's biggest crime boss out for his head, and Harry is the Musketeer he accidentally calls through time to save him.

Word count: 24,531

you are half of me (and I am all for you) by angelichl:

Summary: One Direction, an obscure indie rock band, is about to embark on their first cross-country tour, living out of Louis' beloved van named Patricia.

Harry is in love, and Louis is oblivious. Or is he?

Featuring skinny-dipping in Texas waterfalls, getting lost in the desert, stargazing under the New Mexico sky, performing in front of crowds that grow in size each night, and falling in love on the road during the greatest summer of their lives.

Word count: 24,731

(Something's Been) Hiding In My Heart by lululawrence:

Summary: Or a Sweet Home Alabama AU where Louis comes home to finally get his divorce from Harry finalized so he can move on with his life. Alderford holds its own set of challenges when he returns, but by facing his past maybe he can find the healing he so desperately needs.

Word count: 25,569

Play Me A Memory by jacaranda_bloom:

Summary: Louis lives with his nine-year-old son Jake in a peaceful beachside community on the east coast of Australia, working as an entertainment coordinator at the local five-star resort. Harry is a recluse who lives on millionaires row and writes musical scores for blockbuster movies. When the roots of a wayward willow tree create havoc at his home, Harry is forced to stay at the resort while repairs are carried out.

Cue matchmaking storms, muffin preferences, laughter, love, and a whole lotta music.

Word count: 26,932

And That's The Tea by 2tiedships2:

Summary: Or, the one where Louis loses his soulmate before even getting the chance to meet them, and he is in no way prepared for the kind of distraction his new friend Harry proves to be.

Word count: 27,590

i can reflect the moon by bitterlee:

Summary: it's 1976. harry writes songs. they're about louis. it's none of his business.

Word count: 28,577

gorgeous (it makes me so mad) by resurrectdead:

Summary: or: Harry is a hot mess. Liam is a brilliant roommate. Niall is a wise lesbian co-worker. Clifford is a good boy. Louis is a bad boy. Circumstances are bizarre.

Word count: 29,940

the act of making noise by suspendrs:

Summary: Or, Louis's famous, Harry has no idea who he is, and they get snowed in together at a ski lodge in Vermont.

Word count: 32,084

Welcome Back From The Friend Zone by 2tiedships2:

Summary: Or the one where an idea to create a fake wedding with the sole intent to receive gifts from billionaires took a turn no one, but also everyone, saw coming.

Word count: 32,354

Latching Onto You by reminiscingintherain:

Summary: Or, the one where Louis wants to book Harry Styles to perform at his best friends' wedding.

Word count: 34,313

Found My Hallelujah by crimsontheory:

Summary: As an engagement gift from his parents, Harry and his fiance receive an all expenses paid cruise trip for two. But one week before they're set to sail, Harry walks in on his fiance cheating on him. Newly single, with the cruise tickets in hand, and his bags already packed, Harry brings along his sister instead. And maybe the cute bartender on the ship might just be the person Harry needs to help him put back together all of his broken pieces.

Word count: 34,753

Counterbalance by YesIsAWorld:

Summary: Harry Styles loves two things: teaching ballet and racing motorcycles. Those two worlds collide when his greatest rival on the track, Louis “Tommo” Tomlinson brings his tiny siblings to Harry’s class.

Word count: 44,777

That's What I'm Here For by taggiecb:

Summary: Louis Tomlinson is a dairy farmer on a tiny farm in eastern Canada. His wife of nearly thirty years has left him and his children are all grown up and out of the house. Louis needs help running his business but has no idea where to even start looking. Luckily for him his children know just the man for the job.

Word count: 46,838

Tied to Fate by littlelouishiccups:

Summary: After his estranged father’s death, Harry inherits a castle in England that has belonged to his family for generations and he knows nothing about. When he breaks up with his boyfriend, Harry decides England is the perfect place for a small vacation. He isn’t prepared to meet Louis Tomlinson, a ghost who once lived in the castle and has haunted it for over five hundred years. He’s even more unprepared to fall in love with him.

Word count: 52,313

Shine On (You Crazy Diamond) by larrymaybe22

Summary: The year is 1974 and Britain’s glam rock scene is in full swing. Enter Louis, a broke and dejected student who finds himself on a tour bus of all places, working as a roadie for the enigmatic “womanizer” Harry Styles. Along the way, Louis discovers the cruelty of fame and that maybe there is more than meets the eye beyond the curls, cocaine, and crazy suits.

Word count: 58,750

 waiting for the tides to meet by nauticalleeds (metamorphosis):

Summary: Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

Featuring a lovely cup of OT5, a road trip down the coast, and a scene where Harry eats a whole head of lettuce. Don't ask why.

Word count: 59,871

Becoming Us by sweariwouldnt:

Summary: Married at First Sight is a television show in which hopefuls looking for The One are matched by experts deeming them to be the perfect match. The twist? They meet each other for the first time at the altar. When they exchange their 'I do's'. And get married for real.

One Harry and Louis find each other at the altar. They have five weeks to make or break the set-up marriage.

Word count: 59,880

Consequences by allwaswell16:

Summary: Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

Word count: 78,566

Face Your Fears by SadaVeniren:

Summary: Harry is a single father, pretending to be a beta after his alpha mated him and left him. He’s getting by just fine raising the twins when Louis walks into his bakery. Too bad him and Louis will never be a thing.

Word count: 92,219

Tired Tired Sea by MediaWhore:

Summary: As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

Word count: 113,303

Take Me As I Am by lovelarry10:

Summary: “Suppressant? But… why would I need a suppressant? Alphas don’t take suppressants.”

“You’re right, they don’t.”

****

Secrets. Lies. Deception. Betrayal. Self-discovery.

Alpha. Omega. How far will they go to hide the truth?

Word count: 117,895

[behindtherobinsmask]

tagged by @runnfromtheak

Rules: list the first lines of your last ten stories. See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. I write the most random things so if you can actually find a pattern then... let me know. Help a fool out. 

P.S. - I know it says opening line and not paragraph but come on, that doesn’t do any story justice.

Gonna do my tags before because this turned out to be longer than expected - @elwon @stevieraebarnes @epistemologys 

1. All The Times Damian Wayne Felt Loved 

This was a birthday fic I wrote for a darling friend of mine. The whole time I was writing this my biggest fear was that the characters were going to... just not be right. Still have that fear.

“Gripping onto a pillow, Damian walked down the dark halls of his grandfather’s house, uncertainty clouding every step that he made. At this hour of the night, no one seemed to be around yet he could feel eyes watching his every move. The eyes of the stars in the sky, the moon and the many trained soldiers that had years of practice when it came to blending into the shadows. It was their presence that forced him to walk with his head held high, to bat away the tears in his eyes and pretend that everything was alright. Pretend that he wasn’t afraid.”

2. To all the stars that are listening

Another birthday fic (maybe that was the pattern all along jk). I actually really enjoyed writing this fic because I felt like I was back in my zone (my zone being angst). Can’t wait to get started on the second part.

“Dick’s life had been anything but ordinary since he was a child. As someone who grew up in the circus, his morning was spent studying with the other kids that travelled with his troupe while in the afternoon, he practiced with his heart and soul to fly as beautifully as his parents. In the nights, he’d stand on the sidelines and watch them perform, absolutely awed by the way their bodies moved, each twist, each turn so seamless, every difficult stunt seemed easy in their skin. Clinging onto the edge of the tent, he wished with all his heart that someday, he could be just like them. A bird freed. With every wish, his voice grew louder and louder until somewhere, up above, a star heard his cry. It heard his desire to be free. The chains that grounded him slowly slipped away and he flew with practiced grace. And just as Dick spread his wings, his parents fell. Birds flightless.

Freedom he had asked for and freedom he had received.”

3. Come here, won’t you hold my hand?

Listen, I spend hours of my life playing genshin impact. Did you really think I wouldn’t write a fic for it? 

“After chasing the traveler away, Xiao sighed, wondering if now was the time to head back to Wangshu Inn. There he could stay away from the harbour and its people, away from the wishes made on stars that could never hear them, away from their fragile happiness that he could shatter with a single touch. Someone like Xiao, so burdened with sins, could never mingle among the mortals without bringing harm. Wherever he went, only misery ever followed. But even though he knew that it would be best for him to leave, a part of him, as silly as it was, worried that the journey back would make him miss out on the opportunity to see an old friend. While he never attended the Lantern Rite in Liyue, he always made sure to catch a glimpse of the Mingxiao lantern that always honored the adepti. It was only at that moment that he could lose himself to the past momentarily and remember a time when he wasn’t so alone, when his battle wasn’t only his to fight.”

4. Jon Kent Must Die

A jaydick flashfic challenge gave birth to this crack series and I will happily go down with this ship. I’ve written too many of these and maybe, in the future I’ll write more. Who will stop me? God? I don’t think so. 

“Damian was sick and tired of his siblings.

Never had he met two people who were so dependent on their partners that they needed them around 24/7. It didn’t matter whether it was day or not, whether they were at the manor or in their respective homes, wherever his brothers went, their fool boyfriends seemed to follow. The obligatory family dinner had been turned into a circus with Todd’s usual clownery that had Damian rolling his eyes so hard that sometimes he was afraid they’d just pop out of his skull. Kent was no better. In fact, on more than one occasion, he had encouraged Todd’s rambling as though he was God’s chosen prophet, sharing his truth with the world. Damian really wished, just for a day, the two of them would simply go away. It wasn’t that he missed his siblings or anything. He just wished to have a conversation with Richard that didn’t end with him wanting to stab someone. Hopefully a 5’11 man with black hair with a streak of white and deep green eyes that could find a conspiracy in Titus’s preferred pose for napping.”

5. I wanna be in your arms by the sea (studying your freckles so curiously)

Yes. It’s another genshin impact fic. Sue me. (Please don’t I’m broke).

“Every night, Zhongli saw the same dream.

Caressed by the gentle winds of the Guili plains, he watched over his people, Guizhong’s people as they lived in prosperity, enjoying the calm and gentle wind that wrapped around them. Serenity was a blessing and they had an abundance of it. In the beginning, when Guizhong had described such a scene, something knit carefully in her imagination, he had not believed her. But now that he was seeing with his own two eyes, he was glad that he had agreed to her terms. Glad that he had formed a contract that had been beneficial for all.”

6. I stay up late and talk to the moon (And I can’t stop telling her all about you)

A christmas exchange fic that I loved writing because it really got me back into the writing for jaydick. It had been a while since I touched anything fandom related. Then this story happened. 

“According to Jason, there weren’t many things that Bruce really got right. Not with his rules that could never be bent for anyone or his sickeningly righteous sense of justice. But if there was one thing Bruce excelled in, it was throwing the world’s most boring party ever. Every event that ever took place in the Wayne manor was the same. Classical music. Champagne flutes. Appetizers that could never replicate Alfred’s cooking and finally, the same old rich folks of Gotham who needed to be filled in on the latest gossip lest they melt into a puddle.”  

7. Now I’m going down on you (proving what I want is true) Who told me I could write smut? Please take away my license. “Click. Click. Click. With a heavy sigh, Dick switched off the TV and tossed the remote aside after an hour of clicking through the channels, unable to find anything that would keep his mind occupied. Two weeks ago, during a drug bust with the rest of the bats, Dick had suffered an injury to his shoulder which he considered rather minor. But Alfred and Barbara said otherwise as he was benched until he healed, his own city taken over by other vigilantes while he was forced to sit at home and entertain himself with murder mysteries with plot twists he saw coming from a mile away. Unfortunately, even when he hit the gym to let go of some restless energy, he could only do the most basic of workouts, the kind that simply weren’t enough for someone who was so used to being active all day long.”

8. Wayne Boys Unsolved

Another crack fic that I really enjoyed writing. Poor Yvonne though. She was really suffering. 

“Yvonne’s body was thrumming with excitement as she peeked out the window of her room, her eyes falling on the black car that just pulled up in front of her house. Four boys stepped out, ones that she was so very familiar with. After all, she had spent many nights watching every single video they uploaded on their blog. They were paranormal investigators of sorts, the kind that didn’t believe in the supernatural and lived to debunk the stories that revolved around each haunted location. Because people loved to watch them so, both alive and dead, the boys had become famous in every circle possible.”

9. You make me wanna die (I’m burning up in the light)

Another birthday fic and the first dark story I ever wrote. Writing this was fun but also nerve-wracking. 

“I think we need a break.

Two years, three months, four days and seven hours. That was how long it had been since Jason had said those words to Dick, sitting in the middle of the bed they shared, silk sheets pooled around his scarred waist, the white of his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat, droplets of it swimming down his throat and across his bare chest that was bruised red with bite marks, across the autopsy scar that he had been reborn with. He looked like a picture, each feature painted so delicately with colours that pulled, that hypnotised and drowned. The fingers of his right hand flexed, parted and then brushed across the back of his neck, tracing the bond mark that tied him down to Dick, shuddering slightly under the imprint, his heady scent spreading across the room like a drug. Strong, so fucking strong that Dick could still taste it on his tongue. Looking like that, after everything they had done, when he opened his mouth, when he said the words that had been sitting on the tipping of his tongue, it was only to end everything that they were.”

10. Come fire up the night (make me feel alive)

Who told me I could write smut (2)

“Staring at the ceiling of his apartment, Dick lay in his bed, tired but unable to fall asleep, the ticking of the clock haunting him. Tick. He took in a deep breath. Tock. He closed his eyes. Tick. He tried to sleep. Tock. Every memory of Jason came rushing back to him. The dark hair with a streak of white that framed his chiselled face. The plump lower lip that he often dreamt about kissing, pulled between his teeth until Jason was groaning. The freckles that were scattered across his nose and cheeks. Those deep green orbs that gleamed with mischief, teasing and taunting, burning with unbridled fury, one look enough to make Dick’s knees tremble. And as goosebumps spread across his arms, he found himself waking up, lest he did something that he knew he would regret. Like calling up Jason and confessing feelings that were better left unspoken, buried in a special graveyard from which there would be no sudden resurrections.”

[httpjeon]

— 02. bunny blues: conflict | yoongi & jungkook

yoongi/reader/jungkook | angst | hybrid!au

wordcount: 3.9k

contents: jungkook is a dick now im sorry, um bullying?, jealousy

― synopsis: maybe jungkook isn’t as happy as he thought he was

note: reader is a bunny hybrid, kook is a dog hybrid, and yoongi is a human!

blog masterlist ɪɴᴅᴇx: 01 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08

© httpjeon 2019. do not repost, modify, or translate.

"I've found a place for you," It was the first time he'd spoken to you all day -- and it was 7pm. His tone held none of the warmth you were used to, it was cold and detached.

Your reply was a simple 'really?' as you didn't really know what else to ask. You were sitting in your bedroom, except it resembled nothing like it once did. All your belongings were gone except two outfits and one pair of shoes. Your mattress didn't even have your pastel pink sheets on it -- he had only left you with a single blanket.

Part of you wondered when he became cruel but, it could be worse.

Right. It could be worse...

"It's the coworker I told you about," He expanded upon his previous statement, leaning against the door frame with his arms across his chest. He held an almost defensive stance. You must have look quite pathetic sitting in the middle of your empty bedroom playing with a single sock because you felt his place a comforting hand upon your head. "He owns another hybrid so you won't be alone when he works and they're both really nice. Yoongi will be able to provide well for you,"

You didn't offer a response this time, merely pulling a thread out of your sock causing the fabric to frustratingly bunch up. As you straightened it back out, you heard Namjoon sigh and remove his hand from your head. Your ears flopped over your head in response to the loss of contact...of comfort. You heard him begin to walk away, several steps before he stopped once again. You felt his eyes on you.

"I'm really sorry, _____,"

When he shut the door, you buried your face in your knees and cried; all alone in your barren bedroom that was once filled to the brim with love.

As you stood in the little apartment Yoongi and Jungkook owned, you were surprised. Namjoon owned a two story house so this little space was so different. However, it was quite cozy with blankets and pillows thrown about. Two soothing scents mixed together but was being tainted by Namjoon's. His was a scent you were beginning to hate -- it made you feel sad. You had been briefly introduced to the two of them but it didn't ease the awkward tension that filled the space.

Despite your growing anger and disdain towards him, you still found yourself hiding behind him and clinging to the back of his shirt. His warmth and strong muscles beneath his shirt gave you a sense of protection.

Yoongi stood in front of Namjoon, holding a little packet of paper you didn't even realize Joon had been carrying. Jungkook was peeking over the back of the couch, his butt in the air with his fluffy tail wagging happily along with two fluffy ears twitching atop his head.

"She has a pretty specific diet, different to what Jungkook would eat," Namjoon explained as both he and Yoongi looked over the papers. It took you a moment to come to terms that Namjoon had actually created a care guide for your new owner -- an actually sweet gesture. "She's a pretty picky eater, actually, so you can't just slop anything together and feed it to her. She uhhh...she really likes Romaine lettuce, it's her favorite. I usually give the centers to her as a snack since they're really sweet -- y-you can just save them when you feed her and it'll be fine like that. I think she prefers them as a snack,"

As you listened, you noticed that Jungkook's tail stopped wagging and his ears were flopping sadly. Namjoon's voice was no longer strong and detached, instead it was shaky and watery -- mixed in with small sniffles.

"She doesn't like cabbage at all, she'll just refuse to eat it if it has it...also no broccoli, it makes her feel sick," Namjoon sniffled again, his body stiffening when you reflexively hugged him from behind at his distress. "You should keep some protein powder on hand for when she gets sick. You can sprinkle it on her food and it'll help her bounce back faster. If she starts running a fever she turns into a bit of a crybaby. She really hates loud noises so at bathtime you should fill the tub with her out of the room otherwise she'll get scared, and at bedtime you should play rainy mood or something because she really can't sleep in silence her ears are too sensitive, you know. Also she--"

"Namjoon," Yoongi cut the unending rambling off, causing Namjoon to go silent. "Do you really want to do this?"

There was a beat of silence before Namjoon seemed to sober up. His back straightened and he sighed.

"I have to," After he said those cold words, he pulled your hands off from around him and released himself from your embrace. Turning around, you noted he had in fact been crying -- his cheeks were still wet and his eyes were red. As you gazed up at him, you saw his lips trembling as he fought himself from crying again. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to your forehead one final time. "Goodbye sweetheart,"

He breezed past you and was gone with a simple slam of the door. Yoongi floundered for a moment, unsure of what to do when he saw your eyes begin to water and your chin start to wobble.

"Hey don't cry!" You were suddenly embraced strongly by the puppy hybrid you hadn't even noticed get up from the couch. "How about we go get your room set up! Hey," He paused, looking around you. "why don't you have any things?"

"Oh," Your shoulders slumped and Jungkook squeezed you reassuringly. "Joonie got rid of them because he thought I was going to a shelter instead,"

"Well," Yoongi sighed, scratching his head. "We'll have to do some shopping anyway for your food. I suppose we can go another day to get you some clothes and belongings as well,"

"I'll show you to your room anyway!" Jungkook took your hand and dragged you down the hallway. You looked over your shoulder to see Yoongi staring at the papers Namjoon left. "It's right across the hall from my room, see! And Yoongi-hyungs is all the way down the hallway so I'm closer to you, if you need me any time!"

As you stood in the bedroom, you noticed it was smaller than your old one. The walls were white instead of pink and the floor was wooden instead of carpeted. That was going to be annoying because you sometimes slept on your floor -- it was cooler down there after all. The mattress was completely bare and it was simply on the floor and not on a frame. There wasn't even a dresser and you found yourself tearing up again.

"W-Why are you crying? Don't you like it?" Jungkook panicked, hovering over you as he didn't quite know what to do as you cried into your hands.

"What's the matter?" Yoongi gruffly asked as he entered the room, alerted to the problem from Jungkook's freak out.

"I-I don't know, she just started crying!" Jungkook whimpered, hands still hovering above you as if he wanted to touch you but too scared of upsetting you.

"It's alright, Kook," Yoongi soothed, petting the pup's hair. "She's probably just overwhelmed, isn't that right honey?"

You nodded into your hands when he addressed you. He pulled you into a hug and you buried your face in his neck. For some reason, you found yourself comforted by his scent and quickly spit out what was wrong.

"I-I compared it to Joonie's room I-I'm sorry," Both men in the room stilled when you choked out the confession.

"It's alright, there's nothing wrong with that," Yoongi cooed, stroking your hair softly. "It was what you knew and this is different so you're gonna compare the new to the old, yeah?"

"Y-You're not mad?" You whimpered, pulling away from his chest to ask. He nearly cooed at how cute you looked, eyes wide and teary with a small pout on your lips.

"No, not at all," He smiled, a cute gummy smile that immediately brought a small smile to your lips.

"U-Um what should she wear to...like bed?" Jungkook asked somewhat awkwardly, breaking up the soft bonding moment between you and Yoongi. The older pulled away from you and you took the moment to dry your eyes on your sleeve.

"Well, you don't have anything to sleep in and I assume you don't want to sleep in that dress," You nodded and he placed his hands on his hips. "I suppose you can wear something of mine to bed tonight, yeah?"

"Why not mine?" Jungkook pouted, making Yoongi laugh and ruffle his hair.

"We both know you don't like sharing your clothes, pup, but thank you for trying, that's very sweet," Jungkook shakily smiled at Yoongi's praise. "I'll pick something out for you real quick,"

Yoongi vanished down the hall and you plopped onto the bed, giggling when the mattress made you bounce. When you looked at Jungkook, you noticed his body was completely still and he was spaced out staring at the door.

You started to ask if he was okay when Yoongi entered the room once more. He was holding some dark colored clothes and you pouted a bit -- you never wore dark colors. You didn't voice your opinion, however, as he was nice enough to lend you his clothing.

"They'll probably be a little big on you, but you shouldn't mind. They're soft and smell nice at least," Yoongi chuckled, placing them on the bed beside you. "C'mon Jungkook, let's let her get changed. ______ we'll be in the living room waiting for you, okay? You remember the way?"

His concern immediately had a smile lighting up your face and you nodded. Yoongi's eyes followed your bouncing ears and he reached out, about to pet them before settling for just patting your head. Sometimes humans were scared of touching your ears, you noticed. Joonie was never like that.

You shook your head of that thought before pausing to make sure the two of them didn't notice. Luckily they were both walking out of the room now. With a soft click of the door, you were alone again.

When you exited the room, you wandered down the hallway to find them both sitting on the couch. They both turned to look at you and you grinned. You had put on Yoongi's long sleeved sweater but since it fell to your knees, you decided not to put on the sweatpants.

"Aren't you adorable?" Yoongi cooed, taking your hand and looked you up and down with a grin. "Isn't she precious, Kookie?"

You barely noticed the halfhearted smile Jungkook gave but no actual verbal reply. Yoongi didn't seem to notice either, still beaming at you swimming in his shirt. However, when you yawned, Yoongi cooed again and pet your head.

"Jungkookie will get you a blanket and a pillow and then you can get some sleep okay?" You nodded eagerly and smiled at Jungkook who pursed his lips in response to you. Cocking your head to the side, Yoongi furrowed his brows and looked at Jungkook. "Go on, Kook,"

The pup heaved a sigh and got to his feet, breezing past you as if you didn't exist. You missed the way Yoongi's jaw clenched and his brows furrowed as you bounced after the other hybrid.

By the time you reached him, he was already pulling the things you needed out. Holding your arms out, you let him pile the soft fabric into your hands before he shut the door with a bang -- making you yelp in surprise and drop everything.

"Jungkook!" Yoongi came in, immediately scolding his hybrid, who immediately bowed his head in submission. "Namjoon said you have to be quiet, her ears are more sensitive than yours, you know? You scared her!"

Jungkook didn't supply an answer, his tail sagging behind him as Yoongi picked everything up for you and grabbed your hand to lead you into your room. Jungkook followed, standing outside the bedroom as he watched his owner set your bed up, laughing and smiling with you.

Jungkook's heart filled with jealousy, eyes squinting when Yoongi would pet you or take your hand in his. When you were finally tucked in, Jungkook nearly turned red at the sight of you hugging Yoongi and rubbing your nose against his in a soft bunny kiss. Just as Yoongi kissed your forehead, Jungkook turned on his heels and stomped to his own bedroom -- slamming the door which was followed by a yelp from you.

It didn't take very long for Yoongi to storm into Jungkook's room, hands on his hips and look not happy.

"Why are you being a brat?" He hiss to the hybrid, who only huffed into his pillow. "You agreed to let her stay here!"

"Yeah but I didn't agree for her to wear your clothes and for you to kiss her," Jungkook snapped, voice muffled by his pillow.

"You're jealous?" Yoongi sighed, running a hand through his hair. "She's adjusting Jungkook, things will mellow out soon. Stop being a brat, you're going to make her uncomfortable and the last thing we need is a stressed out bunny -- she could get sick. So be polite and nice to her, be her friend, alright?"

He didn't wait for a response before he stalked out of the room. Jungkook belatedly realized he didn't get a goodnight kiss like you did and it only made the jealousy burn deeper into his heart. He shouldn't have felt it but when he agreed to have you -- he didn't account for the fact he'd have to share Yoongi's attention too.

Perhaps he wasn't as ready to share as he thought he was.

At the first light of sun, you were being awoken with soft pets to your ears. Opening your eyes, you smiled and nuzzled into the touch.

"Oh so you do like it?" Yoongi asked, grinning when you nodded happily. You noticed he was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans; he also smelled really nice. "I put your dress beside you, it's freshly washed and it should be warm from the dryer. Put it on and we can get going, alright?"

At your okay, he gave a little pat to your head before standing up and leaving with a soft click of the door. You sat up in the bed and stretched with a small moan. You had slept really well, the mattress was extremely comfy even if it was on the floor.

After throwing on your dress, you bounced out of the room and into the hallway where you were met with Jungkook. You beamed at him, missing the cold glare he gave you before he spoke.

"Your hair is gross, fix it," Your smile disappeared along with him down the hallway. The happy, cheerful tone from yesterday was long gone and replaced with detached distance.

Yoongi came out of the bathroom just seconds later, pulling his zipper up before pausing and laughing.

"You got a little bedhead, come here," Your smiled returned when he held his hand out for you.

You liked holding his hand, it was nice.

Standing in the bathroom, you giggled at your hair -- it looked like a rats nest. Yoongi fished a comb out of the drawer and set to work combing the knots out.

"You ever do your hair yourself?" He asked you, combing the ends of your hair out.

"No, Joonie really liked doing my hair pretty so I never really did it!" You replied happily, loving the feeling of him touching your hair.

"Well maybe we can teach you to do some styles on your own one of these days," He finished combing your hair and put the comb down when a proud smile. "I don't have any ties or anything to put it up, I hope you don't mind,"

"No it's okay!" You beamed when you received little ear rubs.

"Come on!" Jungkook snapped from down the hall, followed by a little foot stomp.

Yoongi sighed before smiling at you in the mirror. Taking your hand, he led you down the hallway and past Jungkook who trailed behind. They both quickly learned that you didn't know how to tie the laces on your shoes either and Yoongi took that opportunity to coo about how cute you were.

Yoongi was really nice, you decided. He made you feel happy.

As you looked at Jungkook, who was glaring down at his owner with his arms crossed over his chest you wondered why he was in a bad mood. Maybe the new scent of yours mixing with the familiar one had altered his mood for the day. You hoped he would cheer up while you were shopping!

Except, Jungkook only seemed to get more and more irate as the minutes ticked by. You were holding Yoongi's hand, letting him guide you to the correct aisles.

You were practically vibrating with excitement when Yoongi allowed you to choose the things you liked. There were so many soft, pastel colors that left you beaming in happiness.

"I'm going to pick up something from the dog section," Yoongi told you, releasing your hand and patting his grumpy pups head.

"What do you think of this, Kookie? It's so cute!" You asked, holding up a soft purple sweater.

"Don't call me that," Jungkook grumbled, not even looking at you. "And it's ugly,"

"Oh," You felt your ears and shoulders sag in response, merely putting the garment back on the rack. "Okay,"

Yoongi returned a moment later, holding a pair of jeans which he put in the cart as well.

"They're your favorite pair, Kook, I noticed the ones you have no are getting worn," Yoongi explained, earning a simple nod and half hearted smile. "Oh, this is cute ____!"

You followed him to where he was touching the soft fabric of the purple sweater you picked out moments before.

"I-I don't really like it..." Yoongi nodded and put it back, but you couldn't help but stare at it again.

The shopping trip ended without a hitch and you ended up with several bags stuffed full of clothes, shoes and even a couple toys Yoongi let you grab. It was a pain to carry them inside as the clothes were also included in grocery shopping you'd done together.

Later on, Jungkook was watching a nature documentary while you sat on the couch -- watching but not understanding nor retaining what you saw.

"Hey _____, why don't you try on some of your clothes for us!" Yoongi called from where he was beginning to make dinner for the three of you.

The idea had you bouncing to your feet excitedly. You rushed to your room, nearly tripping over Jungkook in the process.

You had meticulously put your clothes away when you got home. You didn't have a dresser so some of your undergarments and t-shirts were still in bags. But you had put your dresses and other nice clothes in the closet.

Yoongi had to help you out putting some of them on the hangers. Namjoon had usually put your clothes away for you, so you didn't exactly have much experience in keeping articles from falling off.

You hurriedly put on your favorite piece from that day, eager to show Yoongi and Jungkook how nice you'd look in it. You didn't bother pairing it with shoes, you were much too lazy for that.

"Look how cute you are!" Yoongi cooed the second you appeared, taking your hand in his and leading in a little twirl. "Isn't she, Kook?"

Your eyes met Jungkook's, eager to hear him compliment you after he had been so cold to you all day. However, the smile disappeared from your face when he simple gave you a once-over with a noncommittal grunt.

At least he didn't say it looked ugly?

Yoongi continued to praise every outfit you showed up. But it wasn't long until dinner was ready and he told you to put your pajamas on.

Now, you had gotten some PJs while shopping but you still slipped Yoongi's sweater on. When you arrived in the kitchen, taking a seat in front of the veggie-based dish Yoongi had made for you, he ruffled your hair.

"Why are you wearing that, silly girl? You got new PJs, remember?" You nodded, your ears flopping over your head from the force.

"But I like your sweater more! It smells really nice and it's cozy!" Yoongi's ears burned red at your words, but you completely missed it.

"Y-You can wear it as long as you'd like then," He whispered, nearly choking as he hurriedly shoved a spoonful of his pasta in his mouth.

However, as you ate, you felt Jungkook's eyes burning into you. You tried to ignore it, but every time you met his eyes you sunk deeper into your chair. You shoveled the rest of your food into your mouth, eager to get away from the tension.

If Yoongi sensed it, he didn't show it or say anything.

You sighed as you crawled into bed, cuddling into a new, soft stuffed animal you had gotten. It felt nice to sleep with something again again after Namjoon had gotten rid of all yours.

You were just about to sleep when your door creaked open, bringing you back to consciousness. You sat up, rubbing your eyes to adjust to the darkness. Jungkook was standing there, silhouetted by the dim nightlight in your room.

"Koo-Jungkook?" You muttered, sitting up in your bed staring at him now.

"You're being annoying," He growled, sounding more aggressive than he had all day.

"W-What?"

"You're clingy, you've been here for like three days and you're already begging for attention," He continued, holding nothing back as he voiced his opinion. "No wonder Namjoon-hyung was so eager to get rid of you. If you're not careful Yoongi-hyung will get tired of you too. He doesn't like people clinging to him like you've been. On top of that, he's never going to love you like you want him too. He's mine, not yours,"

You didn't offer a response, twiddling your fingers over your blanket. His presence was almost as stifling as the pressure his words put upon you.

Clingy...that's what Namjoon had called you.

You couldn't help it, it was your nature. You got attached quickly and maybe you did go overboard but you didn't think you were making Yoongi uncomfortable. But Jungkook definitely knew Yoongi better than you did.

If Yoongi were to get rid of you, you'd be sent to a shelter you were sure. No one would take a bunny who'd been rehoused three times. If you wanted to keep your new home, all the nice things he'd given you and a cozy bed to sleep in, then you'd have to fix yourself. Fix how clingy and needy you were.

You could do that.

You didn't realize you were crying until Jungkook scoffed.

"Crybaby," He muttered before leaving with a quiet click of the door.

You held your sobs in until you heard him enter his own room across the hall. Finally alone, you curled in on yourself and cried into your stuffed animal with only the white noise of the fan above you accompanying you.

[jaybug-jabbers]

All-Glitch Pokemon Blue Run Pt10: Creating Hybrids

June,

To answer your first question, yes, the headaches are likely related to Superglitch, but you need not worry about them. It’s a side effect, but because you followed my steps closely, we’ve done our best to mitigate those effects. If you notice your name no longer shows up on your Glitchdex, er, don’t worry about it.

To answer your second question, you are almost ready to meet your new glitchmon. First, however, I suggest you pay a visit to the Daycare Center. A few of your party pokemon might be slightly mutated from the effects of Superglitch. Don’t worry, though-- the Daycare Center man is an old friend of mine and fellow glitchmon researcher. If you leave them in his care he can nurse them back to health, for a small fee. 

Finally, I strongly recommend healing at the Pokecenter before doing anything else. This step is very important if you want to save data on your Glitchdex. Ah, it’s a long explanation as to why that is, but trust me, it helps reboot the system so things function normally again. 

After all of that, you now will be ready to meet your new glitchmon friends! 

---

Professor,

All right, I completed your directions and then Teleported back to Lavander Town. When I  withdrew the new glitchmon, though, I uhhhh . . . ran into a bit of a problem. I immediately lost the pokeball.

I searched in a panic for like ten minutes before finding it. I’m not sure how I was so careless. Then I let the glitchmon out of the ball.

It . . . looks like it’s just a Charizard? I don’t get it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Charizard is really cool, but I thought this was supposed to be a glitchmon. At any rate, I named it Charmed.

She seems awfully shy, actually. I turned around for just a second and looked back and she was just GONE. It took me several minutes to find her again. You’d think it would be pretty difficult to lose a giant fire-breathing dragon, but apparently I’m talented.

-June

---

June,

What you have in your possession is no ordinary Charizard. That is Charizard ‘M, or glitchmon FF. 

This species needs careful handling when in your party. It has a ‘cloaking’ ability somewhat similar to a Kecleon’s camouflage, although more extreme. Indeed, this cloak is so powerful it can hide even the Pokeball it resides in, as well as other pokemon in its immediate vicinity!

You’re also correct in noting it can be quite shy. It takes a long time to establish trust with this species, and they rarely trust the nurses at the Pokecenter. You may need to potion them by hand if they see any sort of battle. 

I must give a word of caution, though; Charizard ‘M has also been known to accidentally induce mutations in pokemon nearby. Merely exposing pokemon to its presence is enough. Try to keep its pokeball a bit further away from the others, at the bottom slot in your party. You don’t want an accidental hybrid on your hands, after all.

-Professor Gingko

---

Professor,

I kinda wish you’d said something about that a little bit sooner. I had stopped to capture a Paras I’d found . . . and when I went to deposit things in the PC, uh. It was kind of disturbing. The Paras and my HM slave Kadabra had melted together. I wasn’t sure what to do. I thought maybe if I’d evolved . . . it, then that would force them apart, so I tried a few Rare Candies.

Didn’t really work, though? Now I just have a Parasect with all these strange moves. 

-June

---

June,

For goodness’ sake. Well, all you’ve done is ensured they remain fused together as a hybrid, now that it’s gone and evolved. You’ve lost your Kadabra HM slave for good, I’m afraid. It became the recipient for the hybridization process. You can still normalize what’s left of the Paras, however. If you return to the Daycare man and give him the Paras-- which should be currently hybridized with Charizard ‘M-- he should be able to get it back to normal. 

You’ll have to keep the Parasect as is, though.

-Professor Gingko

---

Professor,

Honestly? I’m ok with that. My new Parasect is pretty neat, and now is an even better HM slave then I had before. This Charizard ‘M has some cool abilities. I wonder what other bug hybrids I could make?

For now though, I’m keeping her at the bottom of my party, away from the other pokeballs. I’m taking along Wobbles, Fractal, Dustdevil, Giago and the new Charizard ‘M, and leaving Azure and Dirge in the PC for the moment.

Oh, and I spent some time exploring Celadon City at last. It was nice to finally do that. There’s some casino there that all the locals are talking about, so I gave that a visit. The games are actually pretty lame, but I’ve never liked gambling. I came across something weird, though-- there’s a basement to the casino. I went down there and it looks like the casino is just a screen for some underground illegal pokemon trafficking by a shady group of thieves. That's pretty wild.

The badguys weren’t too happy to see me there, but fortunately I could defend myself just fine with my team. It helped that I’d recently taught Ice Beam to Dusty. I also came across the Double Edge TM in that basement, so I taught it to Fractal, who now hits like a freaking meteor. 

After a little more exploring, I came across the HM for Fly, but I learned I didn’t have the air clearance to actually use it for travel unless I’d earned Lt. Surge’s badge. For some odd reason? So . . . I had to backtrack all the way to Vermilion and defeat the guy. After that, I could teach Fly to my Missingno. and get around MUCH easier.

This let me fly back to Lavander Town. I made the trip because I’d picked up something interesting in Celadon-- a Silph Scope. I figured I should use it and take a tour of that creepy tower.

The trip taught me a lot about my team. The climb up the tower was a slow and difficult one. Starting off, I ran into Oak’s damned grandson again.

His team wasn’t bad to face, although his starter had evolved to Wartortle by now. Still, I had picked up a TM from Lt. Surge, so Wobbles had Thunderbolt now. It was an easy kill. 

In general, Wobbles had no problem with any of Pokemon Tower. His Special is just sky-high. My other pokemon had to work a bit harder, though.

Gia is a defensive sort of poke. She’s not huge on offense, especially Special offense. But all her physical attacks were Normal type moves, which are useless against the ghosts. She was stuck chipping away at ghosts with her Surf, while the ghosts para-fused her. Fortunately she at least has so much bulk she sometimes came out on top of those fights. Gia’s fight style is all about long-term survival.

Meanwhile, Dusty struggled a fair bit because her stats are just not great in general. Despite that fact, she was scrappy and determined and could scrape by. Her speed also meant she could get in hits at vital times.

When paired together, Dusty and Gia could manage to take out the ghosts with teamwork. This was great, since Wobbles and my new Charizard ‘M had plenty of levels and didn’t need the XP at the time. My last pokemon on the team, Fractal, is the very definition of a glass cannon. Fractal could take pokemon out with his raw power, but only if he didn’t fall first. He was knocking himself out cold in a single hit if he got confused-- but he also sometimes knocked his foes out cold in a single hit. This is why I gave him Double Edge; his fighting style was hyper-offensive to an extreme.

After touring to the top of the tower, we took care of the local rowdy ghosts and some trainers rambling about something called ‘Team Rocket.’ I dunno, but the way they were dressed looked awfully similar to the creeps at the casino. Maybe they’re the same crew. I wasn’t paying much attention, to be honest. 

There was an old man up in the tower who talked to me after my battles, though, and invited me back to his house. Normally I’d nope the heck out of that sort of situation, but he seemed harmless enough. . . and he gave me a flute as a gift. He tells me it can wake up any sleeping pokemon. I have the perfect pokemon in mind to test it on.

-June

---

Glitchdex #: FF/255

Family: Charizard Hybrid

Type(s): Fire/Flying

Species Keyword: CLOAK

This shy POKEMON is so good at disguise it can even fool highly trained POKECENTER nurses. It only trusts its trainer to heal and care for it. 

---

End Notes

Glitches used/mentioned in this post:

* Making Superglitch useful

* Creating pokemon hybrids

* Charizard ‘M

* This Charizard ‘M was created by placing a normal Charizard named ‘Charmed’ in my sixth party slot and then using the controlled superglitch corruption mentioned in my last blog post. The Charizard ‘M that appeared in my seventh expanded party slot then inherented the ‘Charmed’ nickname once I deposited the first pokemon in my party into the PC.

Click for the next part of the series! 

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Nov 30, 2019.

[queencatherynerhys]

Dangerously - Part 5 Speak Now

A/N:I have officially hit 200 followers!! Thank you so much for all the love! Seriously! I don’t know how I got here. I feel like it was just yesterday that I only had like 10 followers and then I was brave enough to release my Ruin the Friendship series and here I am. I couldn’t have done it without all of your love and your amazing support for my stories. I don’t read a lot of stories with Liam’s POV so I’m going to do most of the chapters of this series in his. I just love writing him so much and the more I write him the more I fall in love with him, through all the stupidity and idiocy. Sorry this is a short one. Also a shout-out to @kinkykingliam for the wonderful banner!

Song Inspiration: Dangerously by Charlie Puth (thank you @theroyalweisme…I seriously struggle finding a title for this chapter. For a couple weeks it was just “Untitled”)

Summary:Why is Liam at the Beaumont Estate? Will Catheryne hear his pleas? Will they ever have their happy ending?

Tag List: @kinkykingliam @devineinterventions2 @madaraism @theroyalweisme @drakewalkerwhipped @laniquelovely @drakesfiance @hhiggs @hellospunkiebrewster @alicars @mrswalkerreynolds @mfackenthal @simplyaiden-blog @hopefulmoonobject @blackcatkita @cocomaxley @boneandfur @lizeboredom @crayziimaginations @umccall71 @zarina-x-zig @writtenbycandy @ranishajay @heatherfilliez @flyawayblue56 @drakelover78 @indiacater @pens-girl-87  @katurrade @speedyoperarascalparty @greyeyedsmile14 @barbaravalentino @zilch3 @waitingforsuperman25

Previous Parts:

Speak Now

Too Good at Goodbyes

My Immortal

Alone

Liam roughly pounds on the exquisite wooden door and in a matter of seconds Catheryne is in front of him. He doesn’t know why he is there or how he got there. All he knows is that he can’t stop himself from being at this moment.

“Liam…” he hears her say. He studies her face, shock clearly written in them. It hasn’t been a day since he let her walk away and she already looks as if she had gone through months of sleepless nights. Her hair unkept and her eyes red and puffy. Liam’s guilt grows in his heart. He knows he did this to her, caused her to feel all the pain that she is feeling.

The door begins to close, but he puts his hand out instinctively. “Catheryne, please, I know that I am the last person in this world that you want to see, but please if I could have a minute of your time. At least to give me a chance to properly apologize and explain.” He begs and waits several minutes outside of an ajar door.

Finally, it opens and Catheryne steps aside to let him enter the estate. “Are you drunk?” she inquires of him.

“Maybe a little, but that isn’t the point,” he slurs and reminds her that there is a greater conversation that needs to be had.

“We shouldn’t be having this conversation when you are clearly intoxicated and impaired, Liam,” she huffs.

“This exactly the time, Catheryne!” he clearly startles her with his tone and he quickly reprimand himself for losing his temperance. “I apologize for that. I just…I am afraid that if I don’t do this now I won’t do it at all, so please just let me explain.”

He looks down at his feet and with his peripherals he can make out Catheryne moving to stand farther away from him. He can read between the line. She doesn’t appreciate his presence. How did we get here? When not too long ago, we would do anything to be in each other’s arms and touch?This is all your fault.

“You have the floor,” Catheryne’s voice brings him out of his thoughts.

He shakes his head before he continues, and he takes a moment to gather his thoughts to make sure he doesn’t make her anger towards him any worse.

“You must understand where I am coming from, Catheryne. Letting you go is the single hardest thing I have ever had to do and believe me when I say that for as long as I live I will never forgive myself for what I am doing to you now. I could only hope that you can. One day.” He looks up and is met with a sharp glare from Catheryne

“I know you are angry at me. I deserve it. I deserve the cold, angry look you are giving me now. I know you don’t want me around, but I would do anything to keep you here.” Liam slurs.

“Are you serious, Liam? Are you seriously asking me this? God, for a king you’re not very smart. I come to you, laying all my cards on the table and you turned your back. You decided that Cordonia was more important and now you’re coming here to what? Ask me to be your mistress?! Is that it? Am I supposed to understand that you broke and destroyed me for the sake of your fucking country?” Catheryne marches closer to him, clearly outraged.

“I am not asking you to be my mistress, Ryne. I am only asking that you stay in Cordonia. What is in New York that’s waiting for you? Just see reason, I implore you. Here you can have your own place. Your friends are here. Your family.”

“So, what? Am I supposed to stay here and watch you live a life with her? Be mocked and ridiculed for being the court whore? You are something else, Liam. You are really something else.”

“You’re not the court whore, Catheryne. Please, just think about it. I can give you your own duchy. Your own place. Far away enough from the capital. You never have to have interaction with the court if you don’t want to. Please, Catheryne. I want you to stay. I…I love you.”

Catheryne’s hand whips across his face and the shock pains him more than the slap. His mouth open and he touches his stricken face which he is sure is now red from the interaction. No one else in this entire country would have the nerve to slap him across the face but Catheryne. To be fair, he knows he deserve that and much more. He straightens up and looks at Catheryne who is shaking and fuming with anger. Water sits on the corners of her eyes, but his strong woman holds all the tears in.

“Don’t ever say that you love me ever again, Liam,” she whispers through gritted teeth. “You don’t treat people you love this way. You don’t destroy them. Now, I would really appreciate if you show yourself out.”

“Catheryne, please…” Liam begs for more time.

“Leave. Now,” she turns away from him. He can see now that he has done more than hurt her. He has crushed her spirit. He obliges her wishes and rushes out of the estate. He mounts his motorcycle and quickly puts distance between him and the horrible interaction that had just occurred.

He arrives at the palace after twenty minutes. He leaves the motorcycle in front and runs to his office. He needs to drown his misery with a lot of liquor. Upon arriving in his office, he slams the door close and quickly pours him a sizeable amount of dark liquor in a crystal glass. He sets himself down on the luxurious couch with a view of his beloved city. His heart harbors anger towards himself.

He refills his cup after quickly downing the liquid. The burn soothes him. He stares at the view of the capital at night. It’s beautiful, but it is quick to remind him of what he sacrificed and destroyed for that view. He grips the glass he holds in his hands. He gives in and releases all the tears he has been keeping at bay. He feels so tired. He feels as if he has aged a lifetime in a matter of a day.

He leans forward. His head hangs low, defeated and alone. The internal struggle continuing its rampage in his mind. The fight for duty over love destroys his heart. When he closes his eyes, all he can see is Catheryne turning away from him. Body language has made him a great diplomat. Reading hers hurt him. The pain and anguish written all over her is something that will never leave his memory knowing that he was the reason she was in that position.

He has drunk four glasses of liquor and his body feels the effects. He stands and sways himself to the balcony to look up at the stars. He closes his eyes and imagines what he could remember of his mother. What would she say, what would she think if she was here? How incredibly disappointed she will be.

Just to add to his frustration, he heard the quiet click of the door behind him. Ugh why now?

“Well, there you are, my dear husband,” Madeleine’s bubbliness sends him further down the rabbit hole. He grips the railing in fury. “Everyone wondered where you ran off to, but not too worry I was able to veer you away from a scandal. You’re welcome. Now to get to business. Since I am now queen…”

“Let me stop you there, Madeleine,” Liam whirls around and interrupts her. “You may be Cordonia’s queen, but you will never be mine. Our quarters will always be separated. The only interaction we will have is a court function. Besides that, you are nothing to me. We will only be a couple in front of the court and the press. Behind closed doors, I want nothing to do with you. Ever. Got it?” He hisses every word at her in disgust. He is also disgusted at his actions and for allowing himself to be in this predicament. Now he must live a lie.

“Whatever, Liam, I have no interest other than the business of bettering Cordonia. We can treat our relationship like a negotiation if that is what you desire, but you will have to get over Catheryne sooner or later. Our people will expect an heir one day, after all.” With that she saunters out of his office.

An heir. Oh god, that hasn’t even crossed his mind. As a regent, one of his responsibilities is to ensure the crown’s stability by producing an heir. How can he ever go through with that? His heart aches and his mind throbs with a terrible head ache. He knows he should stop drinking but it was the only way he can numb the pain. He sits back down on the couch carelessly and looks out the view of the balcony mindlessly. He thinks of Catheryne and what this night would have been like if she was the one he chose.  He definitely wouldn’t be drunk and alone right now.

He paces across his office to distract himself. He closes his eyes and groans in frustration and anguish. It’s as if someone continues to drive a dagger through his heart. He grips his glass until finally he releases all sense of mannerism and throws it at the wall. He sinks down to the floor leaning against a wall. He releases a deep sigh. He can no longer feel anything. The brokenness he had to endure this day has made him completely numb and emotionless. He breathes, but no longer living.

[velvetrouge]

I have recently started learning mandarin by myself since my school doesn’t offer any classes, I was wondering if you have any tips for studying or websites that I could use?

Hi there, sorry I took so long to answer this because this answer took me a really long time to compile 😂 First of all, great to know you are learning Chinese! Actually Mandarin is just a spoken form of Chinese, but I assume you are planning to learn how to read and write Chinese as well :D I’ve received quite a few questions about learning Chinese ever since I started this blog, so I thought I should write a detailed answer about this. 

LONG ANSWER AHEAD

Before you start, do note there are actually two sets of (overlapping) Chinese characters out there, 

1. Traditional Chinese characters (used in Taiwan and Hong Kong)  

2. Simplified Chinese characters (used in Mainland China, Singapore and Malaysia). 

I’m from Singapore so I learned simplified Chinese, I can generally read traditional Chinese as well though I have great difficulty writing them because I’m too used to simplified characters 😂😂 You don’t have to learn both, but it’s good to know the difference since you will probably encounter both types of characters at some point when you are studying Chinese/ consuming Chinese entertainment.

I definitely recommend learning Hanyu pinyin to help with the pronunciation of the words, but do note that pinyin is neither the Chinese alphabet nor meant to be a substitute for Chinese characters. There is no alphabet for Chinese… we do have Chinese radicals (further explained here) which is not really an alphabet but more like components of a character 🤔 For the most part, to learn Chinese characters you have to memorise them. Maybe you can set yourself a goal of memorising a few characters a day to kickstart the process, actually if possible I would recommend getting a Chinese copy book/app like this one: 

Writing the characters over and over is the best way to remember the words imo, also this will help you practise your handwriting! 

A good dictionary is a must, for Chinese-English dictionaries the best one I have tried so far is the app Pleco. I used to have this book of 成语 (Chinese idioms) and 俗语 (Chinese sayings) as well that I had to memorise for school, but I think you can just learn them online (found some here) if you want :D You should probably wait till your Chinese reaches intermediate~advanced level before starting on those though, if not the whole thing might be kind of confusing. 

For websites, I have never tried learning Chinese online before so I don’t have first-hand experience of any of the online Chinese learning sites, but I did find this list of online resources for learning Chinese which is really comprehensive. it covers sites and apps for everything from reading and writing Chinese characters to all types of podcasts. Actually you know what, there are more resources available online than I thought, there are even apps for you to connect to native Chinese speakers (I didn’t even know those existed until I wrote this answer) 👀 That list of sites and apps pretty much covers every aspect of learning Chinese so I don’t have much else to add tbh 😂😂 Just gonna recommend some entertainment options that will hopefully make your learning process more enjoyable! 

(Below are mostly my personal song/ show/ manhua recommendations)

For songs there are really way too many so it’s kind of hard to draw up a list, maybe you can start with the songs of some of the more famous artistes like Jay Chou, A-mei, Eason Chan, Faye Wong, Mayday, Stefani Sun, Jam Hsiao… You can search for Mandopop playlists on Spotify for a start! I’m personally quite fond of 逃跑计划, Lala Hsu and 陈粒’s songs.

Also randomly recommending 夜空中最亮的星 and 平凡之路 because they are my favourite songs (夜空中最亮的星 almost made me cry the first time I heard it, even now after listening to it for so many times it still gives me the same feeling 👵🏻).

For dramas my favourite drama by far is Nirvana in Fire (琅琊榜), which imo is the best drama I’ve ever watched. My sister and I were obsessed with this show and recommended it to all our friends, it was so good!!

(side note I think Hu Ge’s face is especially suited for historical dramas)

Some other dramas I liked were Ode to Joy, The Fierce wife (Taiwanese) and The Legend of Zhen Huan, Nirvana in Fire Season 2 was also just released this year! My friend recommends Tens Miles of Peach Blossoms which she said made her cry a lot, and I think Yang Mi’s latest drama The Negotiator is quite popular too though I haven’t watched it yet. I actually don’t have a lot of dramas to recommend because I don’t really watch them 😂😂 But coming from someone who don’t particularly like watching dramas, Nirvana in Fire is really so freaking good…

Anyway besides songs and dramas, my other recommendations are 1) Web novels and 2) Manhua.

I highly recommend reading web novels (I mostly read on them on qidian), the Chinese web novel community is seriously gigantic and I’ve honestly only explored a very very very tiny fraction of their offerings because there are so many popular web novels out there. Btw even if you can’t read Chinese there are English sites (webnovel l wuxiaworld) where you can read the Chinese web novels translated into English for free, so you can enjoy them regardless of your Chinese abilities :D One well-known novel on both the English and Chinese site is The King’s Avatar (全职高手), which was made into a gorgeous Chinese anime last year

First episode here!

Btw if you download the qidian app they have this audio book function that I thought was pretty handy, you can listen to your favourite novels being read to you ->

(Click 听书 and it will lead to the audio)

(One of my favourite novels 惊悚乐园／Thriller Paradise!)

For manhua I mostly read my manhua on kuaikanmanhua, 腾讯动漫 and occasionally dongmanmanhua. I made a short list of BL recommendations previously here, some other non-BL manhua I’m currently following are:

DOLO命运胶囊 (the art for this series is really beautiful) 

女王的手术刀

哥哥是大笨蛋

看脸时代 (This one is Korean and really popular, it’s translated into English as well under the title Lookism but personally I prefer the Chinese translation) 

A friend of mine recommended Duoluo Dalu (novel here) and Battle Through The Heavens (novel here) which I haven’t read yet, but if I’m not wrong both series are popular 👀   

That’s all I can think of for now! Kind of off topic but from the perspective of an overseas Chinese I think Mainland Chinese entertainment have improved a lot in recent years. When I was young I could only remember a few shows from China like 还珠格格, Journey to the West, and Return of the Condor Heroes, and my own childhood was dominated by Japanese manga and Taiwanese Mandopop/ idol dramas (that’s how I learned to read traditional Chinese lol). But now there is an increasing number of quality productions from China, which is great for someone like me who is fond of Chinese entertainment (sadly Singapore’s Chinese entertainment scene is pretty lacking and Hong Kong and Taiwan’s entertainment industry have been declining, Singapore is currently pretty much dominated by Kpop and K-dramas). Hopefully Chinese entertainment will continue to get better and better in the near future ^^

In any case this list is non-exhaustive, but my answer is getting way too long so I’ll just stop here. I’ll add any future recommendations under the recs tag, hope this helps! 

[arotechno]

Aromantic-Official’s Pride Month 2018 Questions!

It’s time for me to finally answer the weekly pride month questions set up by @aromantic-official! I realize it’s the last week of pride month and I’m only doing these now, but I’m a mod. So I get to break the rules. ;)

I apologize in advance, as this post is going to be a monster.

June 1-2: Pride Month Kickoff!

1. What aro pride merch do you have and/or want?

As of right now, all I’ve got is an aro bracelet that my friend made me for my birthday and a green aro ring that I got for a dollar. I would like to get my hands on an aro flag, and some pins or something... but I don’t have the money to throw at pride merch right now! Subtle merch is also good, as I’m out to precisely 3 people offline.

2. What are some of your favorite aro-friendly songs? (Feel free to make a playlist!)

Here. Or for more aro playlists besides mine, my aro jams tag.

3. What are your favorite arospec symbols?

I guess just the flag (the version that I use in my icon)? Arrow symbolism is also cool. Or, if you’re from the arocalypse crowd: papos. Although that might be a dated reference now...

(weeks 1-4 under the cut because I’m nice)

Questions for Week One (June 3-9):

1. How did you realize you were aro/arospec? How long have you known?

It was the spring of 2014, when I was a freshman in high school. For most of my life, I never really thought about or questioned my orientation. I figured I would know what I was when I felt it. But I always knew I didn’t get crushes, and figured that wasn’t weird and that I’d get them eventually... That didn’t end up happening, as you might imagine. I was never ashamed of who I was, though--not until people made me feel that way, and I realized maybe I really was different or weird. Thankfully, I had stumbled across asexuality, and consequently aromanticism (this was 2014; if you think it’s hard to find information about aromanticism outside of ace spaces now, think about how it was back then), before that point. It just didn’t really click until somewhere down the line. And even then, I waffled on aromanticism vs. asexuality for quite a bit, feeling more drawn to the ace community due to its size and its exposure, and frankly I couldn’t tell which one I was, though eventually I realized that was because I was both! It’s been several years and I’ve grown a lot, and I’ve become more in tune to my aromanticism apart from my asexuality.

2. Have you come out to anyone? Share a coming out story (coming out to yourself also counts)!

It’s funny, I was just thinking about this yesterday. I’m out as aromantic to three people irl, but I’ve never actually properly come out on my own terms. Two of my friends were peripherally involved at the time that I realized I was aromantic, so they were kind of a part of the realization and I never had to explicitly tell them that I had figured out this part of myself. The third friend came to understand my feelings about attraction before I eventually told her the words. But I’ve never had somebody in my life who presumed I was straight that I was able to explicitly decide I wanted to tell that I wasn’t.

In terms of coming out to myself, it took me about a year after realizing I was aroace to say the words out loud to myself. Sophomore year of high school was when I really began to fully accept that this was who I am and that I could say it and be proud of it, rather than it just being a peripheral aspect of my life that I had to pretend didn’t affect me (because we’re so often taught that we’re supposed to be just like everyone else despite our sexuality, but I have always felt that it made me explicitly not like everyone else, and that was the problem). So I said to myself, in the mirror, “I’m aromantic and asexual.” And I started writing it in my journal. At this point, I was in a weird place where I wasn’t even sure my two closest friends knew I was aroace and that it wasn’t just something I had speculated. It took me until the end of that school year to start using the word not only to myself, but to them as well. Even now, I still talk circles around it sometimes. Internalized aphobia is a real pain in the ass.

3. How/Why is your aromanticism important to you/your identity?

My aromanticism shapes how I see the world in a lot of ways. It affects me every day of my life. It influences my views on philosophy, relationships, my experiences with gender... I can’t relate to the majority of the world’s population on such a basic level that I’m often left wondering what my place in the world is and feeling like I’m living in a different universe altogether. It’s frustrating, but it can also be exciting. I’m proud of the way being aromantic has shaped me. I think the ways I view the world make sense, and being aromantic has a lot to do with it.

I consider myself to be an existentialist, and accepting that my emotional wants, needs, and experiences didn’t line up with the marriage/kids/white picket fence narrative that I was always expected to follow really helped me realize that if I don’t have to follow that narrative, then I don’t have to follow any narrative at all. I can do whatever I want with my life, and there’s no cosmic reason for me to do anything else. That’s voidpunk, baby.

4. What are some misconceptions about aromanticism that bother you?

That we’re heartless. That we don’t feel less emotions/weaker emotions than alloromantic people, or generally equating romance with emotions. That we need a QPR or other type of non-romantic partnership to fill a void where romantic relationships “should be.” That aromanticism must modify or be secondary to one’s sexual orientation. That we don’t risk being dehumanized or cut off from people around us when we come out. Arophobia in general.

5. What’s something you like about being aro/arospec? Something you dislike?

I love the arospec community first and foremost, and as I mentioned above I love the way aromanticism shapes my view of the world. I love that the aro community, though we are stereotyped as being heartless, is so full of love and compassion for one another that we can’t even argue with each other, we just have pleasant, generally civil discussions and often end up reaching mutual conclusions. I love that I can make this entire long-winded post about my experiences and not only will people read it, but they’ll appreciate it and respect it.

I hate not being understood. I hate the fact that I don’t want to come out because I’m afraid I’ll have to give an emotionally taxing vocab lesson and/or be dismissed or ridiculed and/or be called a heartless monster. I hate that we don’t have any mainstream representation that doesn’t get ripped from our hands by people who claim we do not deserve it. I hate that there are no aromantic role models in the public eye living happy lives for us to look up to; but then again, I have a secret fondness for being part of a generation that future aromantics will be able to look up to.

Questions for Week Two (June 10-16):

1. What aro-spectrum labels, terms, descriptors, and identities do you identify with?

I identify as aromantic. I also use nonamorous as a descriptor a lot of the time. That’s pretty much it. The term arogender kind of speaks to me in a way (I was there when it was coined!), as my experience with gender does feel influenced by my aromanticism, but I don’t know that I’m particularly inclined to use it for myself. I like to keep things simple, I guess.

2. Talk about other aspects of your identity that are important to you, that are meaningful parts of you like your aromanticism, such as ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, neurodivergence, mental illness, chronic illness, disabilities, etc.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m asexual as well as being aromantic. They kind of go hand-in-hand for me, but I’m much more open about being asexual if only because it’s more commonly understood and accepted. Several years ago, I was much more connected to the ace community than the aro community, but in the last couple of years that dynamic has completely flip-flopped. I feel more at home in the aromantic community, as the ace community often feels to me more focused on navigating romantic relationships while asexual, and as an aromantic I really don’t find any solace in that. The ace community has also thrown me and my aro and aroace siblings under the bus multiple times, which often makes me feel unwelcome, unfortunately.

3. How do other aspects of your identity intersect with or affect your aromanticism?

Other aspects of my identity don’t affect my aromanticism that much. On the contrary, my aromanticism affects my gender. I identify primarily as a cis female, but even saying I identify that way feels too strong, as it’s a pretty loose identification. Because of the ways in which misogyny, heteronormativity, and amatonormativity intersect, so much of traditional womanhood is based around finding romance, 99% of the time with a man. There isn’t really a subversive narrative for aro women. And femininity often feels like a costume designed to make me appear straight and allo and proper and headed for marriage. tl;dr gender machine broke.

4. Have any of your identities impacted you realizing you were aromantic, your questioning process, or coming to terms with it?

If you want to get obvious, asexuality directly helped me realize I was aromantic in that I would not have known that aromanticism existed without it. So thanks, ace community. You did do me a solid at one point or another.

Questions for Week Three (June 17-23):

1. What is your favorite aspect of the aro and arospec community?

I mentioned this earlier: I love how open, inclusive, accepting, and willing to have civil and productive discussion the aro community is. The aro community has also given me basically everything, especially the arocalypse gang (hi, guys). Without a community behind me, this blog would not exist, and I would feel devastatingly alone.

2. Are there any notable differences in your experiences in this community and other LGBTQIA+ spaces you have been in?

In general, compared to larger LGBTQIA+ spaces, the aro community on tumblr is obviously a lot smaller and more tight knit, which makes for an inherently different environment. Smaller voices somehow still speak so loud. That’s symptomatic of its size more than anything, and I haven’t been active in enough larger spaces to say much else.

The only other specific LGBTQIA+ spaces I’ve been in are asexual ones, and while there is some overlap between the two, aromantic spaces feel much more inclusive to me. Though that is likely due to the fact that asexual spaces do still put a focus on romance, while aromantic spaces certainly wouldn’t. The aromantic community is one of a kind and an absolute treasure, I guess is what I’m trying to say.

3. What’s one way that the aro community could be better or more inclusive? Do you have any tips on improving in this regard?

I think the aro community could take further steps to improve accessibility (I mean, look at me, I’m writing out this long-ass monster of a post. I’m part of the problem.). But I don’t really have any tips, considering I just broke one of my own suggestions... Don’t listen to me, I’ve got no idea what I’m talking about.

4. Do you think there are flaws in the way that different types of attractions are navigated, discussed, and defined in the aro community?

Yes. I talk about this from time to time on here... This is probably a hot take, but to me, defining types of attraction too rigidly, while it is helpful for tons of people, can often lead to an accidental hierarchy of types of attraction or relationships. For example, putting alterous attraction over platonic attraction, or queerplatonic relationships over more traditional platonic ones. I’m not saying anyone does this, at least not on purpose, but I think it’s at least a potential issue.

5. Do you consider yourself nonamorous, amorous, aplatonic, experiencing queerplatonic attraction, etc., or do you not use those terms? Are you romance positive, neutral, repulsed, or don’t use those labels? Do these answers intersect?

I’m nonamorous and romance repulsed. I’m not sure if they intersect, to be honest.

6. Have you ever been in a relationship you would consider committed, such as a queerplatonic/quasiplatonic, romantic, soft romo, friends-with-benefits, or others? How did being arospec affect that and the boundaries you set?

Nope. Again, nonamorous.

Questions for Week Four (June 24-30):

1. Have you ever participated in any pride events, such as parades and festivals? If so, do you feel welcome at these events? If not, would you want to go?

I haven’t. I would go, but I don’t really know how welcome I feel... And I’d need to go without being suspicious, which is pretty much impossible.

2. Do you celebrate pride month? If so, how do you celebrate? If not, why?

Hell, I’m doing it right now! I’ve been working on these questions with the other mods all month. Thaaaat’s about it, as there isn’t much to do around me except for go to pride, and I already explained why that was off the table.

3. Do you have any creative contributions to the aro community (art, comics, writing, moodboards, music, zines, informational posts, etc.)? Which do you like making the most? If you instead support aro creatives, what category of aro creations do you like best?

Hi, yeah, this blog. Shoutout to any of my followers who have been here since last year when all I posted on this blog was my writing... I guess you got more than you signed up for.

I write primarily short fiction for the aro community. I take soulmate prompts and spin them to be aromantic, and usually sad. Soulmates are a concept I hate with all my cold aro heart, so starting this blog was a mean of reclaiming that idea and making it a little less painful for myself and hopefully other aros. I’ve posted about this a thousand times, so I won’t go into more detail.

4. How do you feel aro creatives have impacted the community? Show some love to your favorite aro creators by @’ing them in this post and reblogging a bunch of their stuff. If you don’t have any favorites, now is a good opportunity to find a few!

Without aro creatives, we would have pretty much 0 content in general, as no one else seems to care about creating anything for us. @aroworlds is doing amazing work not only creating wonderful aro content but connecting other aro creators with one another and spreading the word. @aroacearborvitae makes moodboards and edits that brighten my day every time I see them. @arotryinghisbest is writing a novel if you want to go show him your support!

5. Is representation in mainstream media important to you? What about smaller, niche media? If so, why, and in what form would you like it to take?

Both are important, but for different reasons. I’m so thirsty for mainstream aromantic content that I would sell my soul for just one canon aromantic character on television. We need visibility, and we need people to know that we’re out here and that we exist and that we’re not broken or messed up or lying. But niche media is also important, as it often supports aromantic creators directly, and supporting small creators and media outlets is really important. Niche media can even sometimes be a gateway into mainstream media, if it picks up enough steam. Give me aro characters, please!

And that’s that. If you made it this far, congratulations, and thank you. Happy pride month! See you in the future when I hopefully start posting some more actual content...

[solaciummeae]

So it’s been a while since I did one of these. I haven’t really hit any kind of milestone. I’ve been hovering around 115 followers for like two years. But that’s not really why I do these things. I do them because I’ve met some incredibly special people on indie and I want to recognize those people and tell them just how much they mean to me. So without further ado...

@deadbeatcentral​

I feel like it’s obvious that you would come first. You were the person who brought me into this crazy world of tumblr indie five years ago now. I really don’t even know where to start. First and foremost, I love you. Without question, without hesitation. You’ve been one of the single most important people in my life to date and I’ve been blessed to call you one of my best friends for years now. 

You’re so incredibly special to me. You’re also incredibly special to this world. You’re one of the best people I know. You never cease to amaze me with your compassion and true goodness. I just have never met anyone quite like you. You’ve got this incredible head on your shoulders. Your attitude toward life, your perspective on the world around you. You just have such a uniquely special way of looking at things. 

You’ve been endlessly patient with me. And I’d know because you’ve helped me through the hardest times of my life. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without you today. I really could go on and on about how truly special you are. And rare. So so very rare and precious. 

I could talk about how you’re also endlessly talented and how I know that someday people are going to know your name. But you’ve heard me say all of this numerous times. I could honestly write an entire book about you and what our friendship means to me. 

You make me a better person. But not only that, you make me healthier. And not by anything like pressure, but just by being who you are. You inspire me to no end and my life is forever changed because of you. Thank you for everything. Everything you’ve done and everything you are. You are truly one of a kind. I love you more than words can express.

@axhes​

You were one of the first blogs I followed on here. I was drawn in by your amazing characters and the concept of your blog. You were an OC multimuse which is my favorite flavor. And just from interacting with you the first few times, I knew you were so special. 

You’re like human sunshine and one of the most beautiful people that I know. You’ve got such a gorgeous heart and a brilliant soul. If someone had asked me five years ago if we’d still be friends today I would’ve laughed in their face. Because I’ve always looked on you in wonder. You’re way too good for me and we all know it. And still, you give me love and endless support. You’ve picked my sorry ass up off the ground so many damn times I’ve lost count. With your realness and your infinite wisdom. 

You give this world and the people in yours so much of yourself. I’m so amazed by you and everything you do. You’ve got to be one of the strongest women I know, you’re just so much more powerful than I think you even know. 

I love you so much. You’re just the most incredible person. I know your future is going to be so damn bright we’ll all need protective eyewear. Never ever forget your worth. You too, are one of a kind. The best kind.

@exxxquisites​ @deathtake​ @pescaprincipessa​

My Ami. My goodness. Going through my list of OG partners in crime. Exxxquisites was followed immediately after I followed Ash. I saw your blog and instantly fell in love with everything you did. It was close to my heart because a long time ago I’d had Emma as a stripper in a far off distant world. And so the whole concept of your blog just spoke to me right away. Your characters are absolutely incredible, your writing is infectious. 

You are so insanely talented, and so ridiculously modest about it. You are truly a treasure. For the longest time I looked to you as this untouchable god tier blog. I only dreamed about writing with you and being one of your friends. Likewise, if someone had asked me back then if I would be friends with you today? I would’ve been like naw Ami’s way too good for me. There’s no way in hell. 

But here we are. And you’re one of my closest friends. You too have helped me through so much. Whenever I’m struggling or going through something. It’s like somehow you have this innate ability to know that and you never fail to reach out and dust me off and help me find my way to being okay again. 

You’re such an incredible woman. And so so strong. I know you’ve been through your fair share of hell and you’re honestly just this warrior. I’m so incredibly blessed to consider you family. You light up my world in the darkest of times. You’re a wonderful friend and ally no matter what the case. I always know you’re in my corner and I can’t thank you enough. You’re just so special. Not only to me, but in general. I love you so so much babygirl. If it weren’t for you, I might not still be here.

@desecratedvalor​

Beautiful soulmate of mine. You know, I haven’t randomly sent you an inbox about how much I love and adore you in a long time. So strap in and get ready because I’m going to take full advantage. 

God, where do I start? You’re such a beautiful woman, inside and out. And there’s not a doubt in my mind that you can take on any challenge and come out on top. You’re such a fighter and so so strong. We met and instantly clicked. I knew you were special because of our effortless chemistry and that of our characters. That was back when you only had Caroline and to this day she’s my favorite of your muses. You know, the real Caroline Forbes. You should have that shit trademarked to be honest.

You’re my family in a way that most people can’t comprehend. You just get it. You get me. You know me better than most people do. You’re the kind of friend that everyone wants but doesn’t realize that they actually need. Your realness. Your fiery spirit. You just have such a beautiful mind and your heart is so precious. 

I love you more than I can adequately express to you. I’m so effing grateful to you for all you’ve ever done for me. For all that you are. You just have this way and it’s honestly addictive. We’ve done so many great things together as writers and I know we’re only going to continue to do that. You’re one of the easiest people to write with, you and your characters inspire me and mine. 

There’s just never gonna be another you that comes into my life which is why I’m so intent on holding onto you for the rest of it. You’re absolutely perfect. Please don’t ever change.

This is beginning to get incredibly long so for the sake of not making a post a mile long, I’m going to try to condense.

@theimpalpable​ @thewillfulones​ @elenaloveablekotsala​ @bloodbulletsandbytes​ @soulsunforgiven​ @mindsunmerciful​ @heartsunholy​ @cfneglect​ @arexyouxafraidxofxthexdark​ @warxpaiint​ @teaganbennett-irp @ariahmontero @samarariley @asheraxxx @sinfulhymns @theharpieoftroy

Those of you listed above fall into your very own category. You guys make tumblr such a joy. Having you on my dash makes this experience everything that it is. To each and every one of you. You’re so special to me. Whether we’ve been friends for a few years or a few months. You guys make this worthwhile. 

You’ve all got such incredible blogs with an abundance of fantastic characters. It’s been such an honor to write with you and interact with you out of character. You are such blessings to me and gifts to this community. You guys are the reason I still have threads to work on, on the regular. Without you, my life would be so boring and my writing experience on here wouldn’t be the same. 

You’re all special in different ways but the same in one respect. And that is, that I couldn’t ask for better friends or partners. Every single person listed above has been so supportive of me, not only in my creative endeavors with this massive blog that is constantly under construction that you continue to follow-- but also in general. I’ve had some shitty stuff happen during my time on indie and each and every one of you have come out for me on numerous occasions. 

Each and every one of your blogs is a must follow. You guys have no idea what you mean to me. I love all of you so much more than I can say. I admire each and everyone of you and am blessed to have you in my family on here. 

Thank you so much for sticking with me. Through the ups and the downs you guys have been nothing short of stellar. My God, I just love you so much. Keep shining like the very stars in the sky because that’s what you guys are. Beautiful lights that remind me why I do this.

And finally, to those of you who I either haven’t interacted with or don’t as much, but am dying to.

@bluclights @ofhexxedclaws​ @writteninthestcrs @darkestbeforedxwn @frombrokenplaces @powerlesstwin @advrn @camillelafaye @londonmob @fcrinas @hostilitics @telegion @daayaan @unrcvelme @cxrleonis @down-in-dixie

Know that I admire all of you from a far. I’m always impressed by what I see from all of you and if we haven’t spoken. It’s honestly because I’m too intimidated by your quality to approach you. But believe me when I say, I follow you because I want to interact with you and do every last damn thing. I’m just a baby bird who doesn’t know how to approach you. 

You guys have some serious skills and the things I see from you on my dash are pure magic. I’m blessed to be mutuals with most of you and I hope that someday extremely soon we will break the ice and start interacting with each other. 

Each of you bring something completely different to the table and I just love it. Know that even if we have never spoken I’m sending you every bit of love and light and positive energy that I can. You guys are absolutely wonderful. Take this an as open invitation to hit me up to do things. I’m so so down.

[seenashwrite]

(see HERE for part one of answer)

Ah, mass appeal, that oft elusive lil' stinker. How to get it is one of those age-old questions for us creator-types. We want it, for personal reasons, for perhaps monetary reasons, and determining what constitutes it and how to tap into it and even if we should try to tap into it are all pickles.

No, not that type, those are fabulous. I mean sticky situations. The non-tempuraish bliss with delusion of "Hey, I'm doing great on my diet, 'cause it's a vegetable!" kind.

Spoiler Alert: I'm not going to tell you not to compare yourself to other people, of course you are, and in many ways this is a good thing, it's called having an ideal to which to aspire, except it shouldn't be rooted in popularity, the admiration should be for their work. . . . Thanks for your question!

I'm kidding, Dean, and you damn well know it. Bite me. And fetch me a whiskey. And some Death pickles. I got talkin’ to do.

Part Two: Water Chumming & How That Shark May Bite Your Ass, So Here’s A Bunch Of Other Stuff That Can Be Done From The Safety Of The Shore

C/P for convenience:

Is it worth trying to please the masses when we can't please ourselves? Am I poking the bear?

Let us recap from Part One:

We talked about how to get from a feeling of ineptitude to - at first - just mild trepidation when it comes time to hit "publish",  and started delving into "but how to get there?" so that the path can lead on to an actual measure of confidence, which brings us to the second part of your question up there - which is, I find, a completely normal thought, stemming from exasperation, when it feels like you're surrounded by a ton of people who are having ungodly amounts of success, and it seems like the biggest mystery in the world. So it's natural to wonder: should I follow their lead? Try to do what they're doing?

Maybe - let's unpack that, dig into what that would entail, the pros-and-cons, what some alternatives may be.

Near the end of Pt. 1, we talked about not understanding why some stories/writers gain traction, while others don't, specifically regarding the quality of their stories. As facetious and jokey and snotty and funny as I made that "rant", and said how you could always use the SSDTs [Same Shit, Different Title] stories as a "How Not To Do It" guide, I also mentioned how they must be doing something right - and they are, the metrics we've got (hearts, notes, feedback, asks r/t stories, followers, reblogs) bear it out. It's right there. There's nothing to interpret. It's there. It's fact.

Not to mention, as much as I've tried to drill down on objective parameters for my rec list, to try and smoosh down subjectivity, both on my part and on the part of people who rec to me, there's still a pretty substantial margin of subjectivity. There just is - a story could be ridiculous in plot, could be littered with reprehensible grammar, could poorly represent Sam/Dean/etc., could have a shallow Y/N. Yet if something within the story, no matter how oblique, speaks to the heart of a reader? In the immortal words of Private Hudson:

Game. Over. They’re in. Case closed.

I also mentioned that little number in the corner, that overall snapshot of how much action a given story/that writer accumulated and pondered - does it indicate how great the story is? Also known as: Does that mean their story/their writing is better than mine?

Well. No. Not necessarily. I suspect that - and this would take a huge data mining mission on every single one of a given writer's high count stories to know - in part, some of the number represents a manifestation of a cult following. I'll save you the trouble of clicking the link:

"A cult following is a group of fans who are highly dedicated to a work of culture. A film, book, musical artist, television series or video game, among other things, will be said to have a cult following when it has a small but very passionate fanbase. A common component of cult followings is the emotional attachment the fans have to the object of the cult following, often identifying themselves and other fans as members of a community. Cult followings are also commonly associated with niche markets."

I've no idea why "musical artist" was the only human example they threw in there, because in my experience/observation over **cough** decades of life on the planet, I see cult followings for humans  more than stuff, and public figures of other areas beyond music (actors, politics, etc.) just as much. There are men-I MEAN-people who will never be socially ostracized no matter how inappropriately they behave, no matter the amount of evidence, doesn't matter - their following will absolutely make preserving the (fake) image that person cultivated their hill to die on.

But we're getting negative, and where I'm going with "cult status" in our context isn't negative. The "cult" mentality aspect to which I refer is about loyalty of followers (specifically reader-followers) in general, and then further, the loyalty of that subset of reader-followers who were early readers. They adored "x" number of that writer's stories in the past, and even if the quality of newer stories has declined, they are still gonna hit that heart and reblog it and say it was great. Do they actually believe it? Some of them, to be sure. Do some of them have on cult following rose-colored glasses? Friggin' of course.

Like I said above the cut - I'm not going to tell you not to compare yourself to other people, of course you are, and in many ways this is a good thing, it's called having an ideal to which to aspire, except it shouldn't be rooted in popularity, the admiration should be for their work. But there's admiration owed to these writers for maintaining their follower base, regardless of whether those follower-readers aren't in the admiring-for-the-work mode. So while you can't admire them for their stories, because you think they blow, there is an ideal, a definite modelling to consider: what are some of these writers who are getting huge numbers doing to maintain what popularity they've accrued?

Let's pause here for a recap of what we know for sure:

1. You won't know if telling stories is legit in your wheelhouse or not until you start getting some feedback from readers, which is going to help get you out of Ineptitudeville;

2. Ideally, this would begin with an honest, straightforward editor who knows how to give constructive critique --> in the meantime, use The Nail's guiding standards to serve as an at-home editor til you feel ready to find such an editor;

3. You can't get feedback for your supplemental self-editing documents of "nailed it" and "Achilles' heels" unless you put yourself out there (which, hopefully chipping away at #1 will get you over the ineptitude hump and into a healthy trepidation territory so you can do);

4. There's potential modelling to be done by observing what the "popular" writers are doing outside of their stories to accrue/maintain followers, and trying to see what their loyal reader-followers see in stories you don't find very good.

Again - assuming you've gotten comfy enough to just feel a normal nervousness vs. ineptitude, it's on to getting an audience. So, what could it be? That these mega-number generators are doing? I think it's two things:

(A) They have broad exposure that brings others into the fold (B) There's more at work than just stories

But Nash, are you not paying attention? I don't have exposure, they've got a bazillionty followers - you may say.

Then let's get you some exposure that has nothing to do with follower counts, nothing *inherently* due to the potentially not-so-robust nature of your stories at present, things that just might get you more followers, hopefully turning a chunk of them into reader-followers somewhere along the way.

.

(A) Exposure that doesn't require "popularity":

1. SPN Fanfic Pond ---> 24/7/365 - join it and submit your stories - never know who'll see it - guaranteed reblog

2. SPN Hiatus Creations ---> specific dates - I don't think many people know that they include fics, since they mostly get submissions of art - weekly topics to choose from - join in, submit your stories - the folks behind it most always put a little comment in their tags, so be on lookout for your feedback doc - guaranteed reblog

3. SPN Family Birthdays ---> 24/7/365 - their kindness gets your name "out there" to more people, both the mods behind-the-scenes, as well as that blog's followers - guaranteed exposure - *mandatory* to reblog this with a thank you and at least one point of feedback about it to whomever created that birthday wish for you

4. Bingos:  SPN Genre Bingo - SPN Fluff Bingo - SPN Kink Bingo - SPN Angst Bingo ---> specific dates - variety of topics - guaranteed reblog - good/decent potential reblog from others via their followers and those who follow the tags

5. Challenges from individuals ---> sporadic dates - variety of topics - follow people who you see hosting them, if they've hosted one they'll likely host more - hosts will typically reblog each fic (good chance with a touch of feedback), and/or put your "@" and link to your fic onto a master post - more popular the blog/higher follower count, the more exposure, so high reblog/new reader potential

6. Seasonal Celebrations ---> specific dates - Secret Valentines, secret Santas, etc. - do it and you're also probably making a friend, maybe gaining a new follower, maybe their followers will come visit your place because your assigned person reblogs what you did for them - moderate-to-high potential for reblog *

(*Should be a guarantee but some people are dicks; my Valentine didn't ever send me shit this year, not even an apology through the organizer, but you know what? I don't care. Legit. I made a friend through it, and really enjoyed making what I did for them.)

7. “Bangs”  ---> sporadic dates - a.k.a. Mini-bangs / Big-bangs - focused on a topic/character - guaranteed reblog

8. Appreciation Days ---> specific dates - Angst, Smut, Fluff appreciation days - you can even submit already written fics/don't necessarily have to whip out something new - specific tags can draw readers - good/decent potential for reblogs

9. Prompts ---> 24/7/365 - imagines, those generic prompt blogs - follow some, keep an eye out for the interesting ones - challenge yourself to crank out one a week, short little 500-ish word blurbs - reblogs, maybe, who cares, this is serving to get you out of the funk and get used to posting your work; it's practice, and if it gets love, then great, if not, you still got stuff to put on a master post - and make a master post and get it in your profile so it's easily find-a-ble

10. Outside of Tumblr * ---> 24/7/365 - Fanfic.net and AO3 - join and put fic there and put your links somewhere on your blog - both have stats - both give opportunity for people to comment and to share direct links to their blogs, which is how this connects to the goal of visibility in the SPN fandom here - also a way to self-reblog your story in a “fresh” way/cuts down on repetition popping up on your followers’ dashes (i.e. - helps cushion the ol’ “Oh they’re posting this again?!” feeling)

[* Note: many of us have great distaste for Wattpad because it is a breeding ground for thieves - people will c/p stories from here and present them as their own, some trying to excuse it by “giving credit” in a blanket manner a la “found at Tumblr” or listing the “@” of the writer. The problem is, Wattpad’s method of reporting leaves much to be desired - like Instagram, they only seem to be interested if a published author takes issue. The only real way to call out these thieves is via an immense amount of pressure from the SPN Family commenting directly at their Wattpad page. My point? Your choice, but if you do join up and post there, proceed with caution.]

.

(B) The stuff that's more than just writing:

1. Reblog interesting things that show who you are - fan art is a great start - shows your tastes and what you like - when feeling confident, host a challenge, as what you choose for the framework (one of mine, for instance, was using lines of dialogue from Archer) will also reflect what you like, what you're into - tag people you're friendly with and say something like "Even if you're not interesting in joining, signal boost, please??? [cute emoticon]"

2. Narrow down focus - if you're multi-fandom, drill down on your favorite - start by building up a solid following in that one fandom - keep a ratio of about 80% primary fandom, 20% to cover the others/personal/non-fandom stuff - use a "Not [fandom]" tag for that 20% so your followers can choose to opt-out - or if you can't manage this, do a side blog or two

3. Set your queue to pop stuff out (at minimum) 2 or 3 times/day - stuff it - start with CanonSPNgifs - keep your blog active - unless something you want to reblog is time-sensitive, chuck it to the queue - a wall of posts from the same person on the dash is off-putting - same for constant reblogs of your own stuff*

(* Which you should do, yes, but have an understanding of time zones, will ya? I swear some people are re-blogging for myriad time zones in Oz and Narnia, as well, I've no idea... I've digressed)

4. Send Asks to people like the "spread the love" stuff - if they post "Ask Me" things, send them one - reblog the answered ask and say what you think about their answer/at minimum say "thanks, this was great" - reblog those ask games posts for your followers so they ask you questions - get engaged

5. Respond to a good portion of the comments people leave for you, whether feedback or just funny things they said - specifically, feedback with reblog deserves reply of thank you, whether in the notes or a fresh post; see my blog for copious examples - make a post that says your tags are open/offer to tag folks - anytime your follower count jumps by, say, 5, reblog it - make an OMG!-type post every time your follower count increases by, say, 10 - you’re telling them you actually give a shit that they follow

6. Keep an eye out for folks (especially those who make rec lists, so always check out rec lists for who did it when you spot them) who have said it's okay to tag them - always tag them, even if they seldom reply/reblog/feature you on their list, as you never know

7. When you read stories by other writers that you love, reblog them *with some feedback* - do unto others, etc., etc. This is in huge headline size for a reason. Take the hint.

ETA - I chimed in and gave some tips since I composed this post, and it may be helpful for you/for people who are shy or intimidated or just not particularly comfortable verbalizing feelings.

...and here’s what I suggested:

If you want to get specific, say what your favorite thing/things is/are; in my mind that could go something like this:

I felt like I was right there with them in the ____ [setting]

I felt like I was right there during ____ [part of the plot]

I felt like I was watching an episode of the show

I could relate so much to ____ [character]

My favorite line(s) was/were ____

___ [character(s)] sounded just like they do on the show

___ [character(s)] acted just like they do on the show

And there’s also more generic things, such as:

This story really touched me, I needed something heartwarming!

This story cracked me up, I needed a good laugh!

This story made me smile, I needed some cheering up!

This story got me crying, I needed a good cry!

This story was really creative, I needed a change of pace!

And if you want to keep it really simple? This can apply to any story:

I enjoyed this more than I can say, thank you so much for writing it

.

Is full-on blind cult following an "ehhhh" thing? Yeah. But the basis of it, the true, legit loyalty part of it, is wonderful. You want that. The more readers know you, the more they'll feel comfortable interacting with you, and the greater their comfort, the more likely they'll give you feedback and, eventually, some constructive critique* 

(*You gotta make it clear you're fine with critique, though, and don't dare say it if you're just gonna pitch a fit when you get some, however poorly phrased the critique may be; but that's another topic, for another day).

Great, Nash, you still haven't answered my question about pleasing the masses - you may say. 

The answer is: that's a call you gotta make for yourself. To hopefully help, I'll tell you two stories about chumming the waters with (what seems to be) the standard wares that get a ton of followers/reader-followers.

Interestingly, I *just* this past week or so had a great discussion with someone (who I won't reveal, of course, because it was PM) on this very topic. You'd recognize their name, if not follow them/have read their stuff, they've got a healthy fanbase, etc., etc., etc. all that jazz. It would surprise you, is my point, to know that they've been pondering on their writing - specifically, the genre in which they feel entrenched. They accrued their popularity (I hate that word, but can't think of a better one) in a certain, ah, niche. You know the holy trifecta: angst, fluff, smut. One of those.

(I am not going to go down the road of how much I loathe the limitations of those, I know myself, this will turn trash fire and neglect you. But they are the cards we've been dealt, there's nothing to be done to change it, we must play our hands. #flames on the side of my face #haaaate #I'm done)

Anyway, they've sat here "x" year/years later and looked back at their pre-SPN fanfic foray (read: how they used to write/what they used to write), and are like - Where'd my voice go? Where'd my style go? Can I get it back? Sure I can get it back, but if I start being "me", what will my reader base do with that? Will they stick around and support me? Will they bail? etc., etc., etc. You get the idea. Reasonable thoughts, all.

I tell you this next bit because while what is going on with above writer is on the side of Got A Wide Reach, like I said in Pt. 1, I am presently on the other side, the Modest-in-Number, Large-in-Loyalty reader collective. And I *have* chummed the waters, though not entirely purposefully. And it didn't work... well, hasn't, I can't predict the future, could blow up tomorrow, but not likely. I suspect I know why. We'll get to that.

I say not entirely purposefully because I stumbled into Fluff and Smut, one of each. (There is a second fluff, but that doesn't count because it was tailored to a very specific person who gave very specific things to include for a Valentine swap thing.) The fluff was via a thing I did, and my dear friend nailed it, gave me three cringy words that were meant to hit the fluff bullseye, and I doubled down. You can see that here, should you care.

People fucking lost their shit. I repackaged it into its own post in case folks didn't like the snark in the one linked above/would rather reblog sans snark. People lost their shit, part deux. Flattering as hell. I appreciated it immensely, truly.

On the smut*, I lost a bet (I can't even recall what it was, maybe I mentioned it somewhere) with the friend that drew me into SPN because they were (are? yeah, still are) frustrated with the show and I needed a writing exercise and I had (at the start time) eleven years of source material, so hells yeah I said yes. The bet was for smut, and I said - Fine, but I can't not plot.  Great, was the answer, but I had to typical it up, this was a punishment, after all. And typical, for me, means so much detail that it made brain cry. Copious detail works my nerves. Copious pondering works my nerves. Any one thing that’s too much will Work. My. Nerves. And I wrote it (it's five parts now, but part one and two was the orig piece and ended open), and said to friend "This won't get shit response" - "You wanna bet?" - me, the idiot: "Yup" - "If it does, you have to finish it out".

(*no link because I don’t know your age, and it’s set to sensitive)

People fucking lost their shit. On FF.net and AO3, that is. Not the numbers some people get, but holy hell. Hence, parts 3 through 5. Far as here, not so much the hit. But the people here who've liked it have REALLY liked it, so there's that, and it's flattering as hell, and I appreciate it immensely, truly.

And yet at the end of the day, hey guess what, say it with me now:

Now, for all my pseudo-fussing, I was cool with doing it, because at heart I'm wired to think about marketing, and I thought - Oooooh. This will bring people to the goods, the stuff I'm *really* proud of, and then and then and then....

Nope. Some yes, mostly nope. Most of my loyal roundtable were brought into the Nashooligan fold by other stories.

Here's why I think writer above got on the other side of the coin and I'm riding the edge - they went down the rabbit hole on a few, got mega results, and it fills the confidence tank, and why not wash-rinse-repeat? Humans are wired that way, we don't do things that we don't get something out of, it's normal. Thing is, they - as they see it - got lost a bit along the way. It worked, though, that squashing of their voice - "worked" in the sense that it drew the masses. Some people would be completely okay with this, would find it a reasonable trade-off; this writer isn't presently thinking so.

And back to me - I think the reason my smut and fluff didn't hit the stratosphere and draw in the masses (ergo, little motivation to do more) is because my style is still in there. The snark, the focus on accurate characterization, and like I say, I can't not plot. I didn't pullout the recipe, same ol' ingredients, mix up some standard shmoop/standard porn, flop it in the cupcake paper, bake it, then smear a thin layer of canned frosting - flavor: "Meh Plot" - around it. I made that junk from scratch, like I do all my other stories, and while I did use some of the same ingredients, I didn't go all-in. Notably, my evergreen stance that Y/N can die in a fire, ceiling optional, I ain't doing it. 

I am not going to insist you read either of them, I'm just gonna ask you to trust me on this: I read quite a bit, and I've yet to see the ingredients of Reader Mommy Married To Dean Have A Baby Sam Has Dogs scenario mixed together like mine, and I've yet to see a Reader Insert Smut With Dean Smut With Sam Inferred Happy Ever After With Dean mixed together like mine. 

Which, like I say, is what I suspect is probs the issue. I didn't get as far down the proverbial hole as my writer friend in terms of Typical'ing Up my stories. Could I un-ring that bell? Better put: could I start ringing bells? And I mean weekly, if not twice a week, quickie ones, throw in a lengthy once a month? Crank out the recipes? Plenty of templates to work from, after all. It would be hard for me in the sense of voice-squashing, but could be done.

So if I had to give you a vote on whether chumming the waters is a strategy to take, given those potential pros-and-cons, here's why I vote "no", both for myself, and for you, and others contemplating such.

It's partly that cautionary tale of my writer friend (and there's gotta be more feeling like her, there's just got to be), and mostly it's because of three writers I can think of off the top of my head. They're all quite talented, they consistently turn out solid, creative pieces that can be differentiated from the rest of the fodder floating around, and all three have substantial reader and/or follower bases. One has less than the other two, but nothing to sneeze at. The second - another person I've had great PMs with on the topic of wide appeal - attributes part of their success numbers-wise to specializing not in a niche genre, but due to specialty in a subset of the fandom (a specific, very popular 'ship).

The third, who has a *massive* reader and follower base, I can't get my head wrapped around, and I don't mean that in the sense of not understanding why people adore them, they deserve every bit of it. We'd have to dig deep into years of works and chart out the numbers (likes and reblogs and comments and followers - again, the only metrics we got) to see if there's a tipping point, but there's no magic bullet, so likely there'd be nothing in that data - or data from any highly successful writer around here - that's gonna reveal some secret. And this is the only writer I can think of that I'd really love to know a tipping point on, because: reason I can't get my head around it is because they don't do typical, ain't even in the ballpark of typical. Now, they do inject smut into much of their work, but plenty of other times it's just inferred. Consistently cheeky, if not snarky, if not balls-out-gut-bust funny. Consistently original, creative plots, even when it starts out purposefully trope-y, there's gonna be a slant on their take. I may not personally like everything they put out, I'm not saying they're perfect, but if we're trying to keep it objective vs. subjective, applied to The Nail framework? They're nailing it easily 80-90% of the time. I've actually got a soft moratorium on them, between stuff I find and noms I get on their stuff, I only include them sporadically on the list or else they'd be everywhere.

That gives me hope. Not-a-one of those three are cranking out stuff religiously on some frequent schedule, they write when the muse hits. Not-a-one of those three are following recipes. Not-a-one of those three are blanketing their voice.

And this goes back to the very first thing you said, about pleasing others when we can't please ourselves. Part of the reason you're not pleased is because on whatever level, your stuff isn't grabbing an audience, however big or small. I know it, because I've been there, as I've told you. The biggest part, though? It's because you know you can do better. Maybe you're cranking it out too fast. Maybe you're not fleshing out a character enough. Maybe you wished you'd taken another run at the plot before you published. I don't know, truly. But you're not digging the end result somehow. When you get there? To legit confidence? You're not going to care as much about pleasing others, you just won't. And that confidence is going to show in how you interact with others, little notes you make on gif sets when you reblog, things you say when you feedback others, all that stuff I said above.

People are attracted to confidence. It may intimidate them at first, they may linger on the periphery, but then once they see it's not arrogance or something, they'll be bees circling closer to the honey, because it... it... how to put... it rubs off. A kind've What Would "x" Do kind've thing. And most people will always welcome having more confidence, I mean, the real genuine confidence. We choose who are friends are - to be cheesy - not just because of who they are, but because of who we are when we’re with them. I think the younger we are, we get the wires crossed of "nastiness" and "straightforward". It's the difference between those folks, for instance, who snap and go all "You cum dumpster!" on Anons who word things poorly (I don't mean the ones who are vitriolic, I mean the ones who use less-than-elegant phrasing), vs. the folks who plainly reply something to the effect of "That's certainly something to consider. Thank you for your input". That they can’t discern the difference between a person dishing out hate - actual hate - and a misstep in phrasing speaks a lot to their confidence, that they’re taking a complete stranger’s words as such a personal affront.

I say all that to say: it's not about just the stories; the stories are a piece of a bigger puzzle. Personally, when I see folks being nasty in that manner? My knee-jerk thought is - They are so quick to lash out and write that stuff, and are so careless with their words, I bet their story-writing follows suit. And guess what? I have been 99.9% correct thus far. There's no OOMPHs in their stories: there's no brain-chewy, no heart-grabbing, no snort-giggles, no soul-touching. It's as typical as that comeback. It's lazy. It's easy. It's eye-rolling. It's expected.

Put another way: their lack of confidence in general is what is infesting other areas, in this instance, their stories. I wonder if - since you said “anything I’ve ever created” - that even if it was a slip-of-the-tongue, it may’ve been a meaningful one. If it’s the case, that there are other areas of life where you feel less-than-ideally-confident (a.k.a. - inept), I think you’re smart to start in this area, with fanfic, because as illustrated there’s lots you can do that’s in your control, that’s not dependent completely on others, and probably have some fun along the way, getting to know folks, getting encouragement, seeing your stuff get circulated, etc.

Do you keep a tiny notepad on you? Do that. Grab one from a dollar bin at Target or get you a Moleskine if you're feeling fancy, doesn't matter, but keep it on you, purse, backpack, jacket, wherever. I don't want you doing what I'm about to say on the notes in your phone, not yet. I want you to physically jot down by hand a word or two or five or whatever, about things you see/encounter, turns-of-phrase you hear, mannerisms you note in others - all that stuff - things that do please you. Those OOMPHs. And now you have some inspirational story points ready to go. Even if you aren’t able/feeling up to doing that other stuff above? This is an easy, small place to start.

Bottom line: this isn't happenstance. 

It's not happenstance for the subpar writers, and it's not happenstance for the exceptional ones. This is work. Getting confidence is work. Style is a great deal inherent, true, but it can - and should be - honed, and will likely evolve in subtle ways as time goes on. Confidence and proficiency in a skill (like writing) are not automatic "things" that come with age, not even necessarily with experience. Dig in. Take some of the actions listed above. Start with the least stressful to you, then pick away at 'em as you get comfortable. If you're already doing some of those? Then, start again fresh mentally, as if you just today started doing them. Bump up your effort. Push yourself. See what happens. Get confident in the little things, and it will start to add up, overflow into the empty places.

Look at the pickle you’re in presently as an opportunity to alter your current methodology - I mean, we know whatever you’ve been doing isn’t working for you, right? So it can’t hurt. Batter it and deep fry it, tweaking the recipe as needed; it’s still you, but you’ve applied a well-thought-out, well-crafted extra tastiness to it. There’s people out there who will love it, and they’ll turn up.

See? 😉

[maximilliandelirium]

somebody out there hates you

a/n: hhhh i wrote this in a pre-nanowrimo mania. wanted to post to ao3 but it’s acting weird so i thought i’d throw it up on the blog for now. notice me senpai fills me with joy, so i was inspired to make *~art~* the setting is anime japan so nothing is accurate and the points don’t matter (pssst! support me on ko-fi!)

Summary: Suzuki joins an anti-cafe out of curiosity and begins to re-evaluate his relationship with Yamato. Suzuki/Yamato (Idol Senpai/Rocker Senpai)

              Suzuki didn’t go online that evening intending to join an anti-Suzuki fan café. He usually didn’t dwell on his haters at all. But tonight, curiosity got the better of him. He’d been trawling the net after a long practice when he stumbled across a link to the anti-site. (Suzuki liked to Google himself; so what?) When he followed it, he realized he couldn’t read any of the message boards without an account.

               That’s a good thing, I guess, he thought. He didn’t really want to see what people were saying about him. He decided to forget about it and do his homework instead.

               At least, that was what he tried to do. He kept thinking about it as he struggled over his assigned reading. What did they talk about? Did they make fun of his hair? His personality? Maybe they picked apart his lyrics. The longer he thought about it, the more he wanted to know.

               Suzuki tossed his book aside and re-opened his laptop. He hadn’t closed the browser window. The link was still there. Yamato was always telling him to consider his weaknesses so he could improve. This could be beneficial. If Suzuki tried understanding where these people were coming from, he might be able to win them over, or at least get better at what he did.

               It didn’t take much to make an account. He had to create a new email—he didn’t want his regular one linked to the site. After that, he spent half an hour trying to come up with a screen name. It was imperative that no one know who he really was. His usual handle—“SuzuStar”—would give him away like a shot. Suzuki was also disappointed to discover that “YamatoFan#1” was taken. Eventually, he settled on “notafan1234.”

               Never having been on an anti-site before, Suzuki wasn’t sure what to expect. He was surprised by how plain it was. The header image was just the name of the page in bright red letters, along with a picture of his face with a “no” sign superimposed on it. He scrolled through the list of threads.

               Break Suzuki’s new MV!

               New Anti-Suzuki Memes

               Worst Lyrics Poll (CLOSED)

               Suzuki kept scrolling, horrified and fascinated. He found a thread titled “Important question for Yamato fans—should he be friends w/ Suzuki?” He clicked on it. He jumped when he saw the selfie he and Yamato had taken at the school festival. The original poster had written a caption beneath it.

               Ugh. I don’t get why Yamato wastes his time with this guy. They don’t have anything in common.

               A user named MerryPip added, Lol same. Yamato actually has talent.

               Suzuki frowned.

               They probably just hang out because they go to the same school, someone else said. Yamato doesn’t want to be mean.

               Tbh, SuzuYama shippers make me sick.

               Yamato shouldn’t keep feeding them by hanging out with him.

               They only do it for fanservice. I bet it’s in their contracts.

               Suzuki hadn’t been planning on responding to anyone, but the last comment had sent him over the edge. They had no right to question his friendship with Yamato. They didn’t know anything about him. He typed, Maybe Yamato and Suzuki are friends because they get along and like to hang out.

               A response appeared in no time. As if, Lonelygrrl said. Suzuki is too much of a ditz to get along with Yamato. He totally cramps his style. Yamato is just humoring him because the fans like it.

               Blood rushed to Yamato’s face. His fingers flew to the keys. That’s not true! How do you know Yamato is just pretending? You don’t have any proof. You’re just making stuff up!

               The backlash was swift and immediate. A gallery of photos flooded the thread with red outlines drawn around Yamato’s eyes and mouth, along with whole paragraphs explaining why his smile was faked, or how he couldn’t stand to actually touch Suzuki.

               His hand is just hovering here, Lonelygrrl wrote. All their selfies are faked. Their managers get together and tell them where to go. Like playdates.

               Suzuki slammed the laptop closed. He sat back, fuming. When his head cooled, Suzuki reached for his phone. He wanted to ask Yamato about this. (Yamato was saved in his contacts as “Yama heart eyes emoji, guitar emoji.”)

               Did u know there’s a whole website that hates me? Suzuki texted.

               Yamato answered quickly: No, but I’m not surprised. There’s always haters. You find one?

               Yeah. I made an account.

               WTF why?

               I wanted to see what they were saying.

               Delete it. That’s a waste of time.

               A waste of time. That’s what the anti-fans had said Yamato was doing by being Suzuki’s friend. He wanted to tell Yamato about it. But it had made him nervous. What if they were right? What if Yamato was only pretending to be friends with him? They’d become closer through school performances. Was that the only reason Yamato continued to hang out with him?

               Suzuki texted back: Ur right. They’re just mean.

               Don’t let it get to you. Some people have to be negative for no reason.

               Suzuki put the phone aside. He wouldn’t go back on the site. He’d just forget about it. Yamato was his friend and that was that. It wouldn’t do him any good to second guess it. Suzuki opened the laptop one last time to close the browser. There were a few more replies.

               Jesus, when will trolls learn not to come in here? MerryPip complained. Do. Not. Feed. The. Trolls.

               I’m not a troll, Suzuki thought, closing the window. He would delete the account tomorrow. Right now, he needed to get back to work.

               The next morning was rough. Suzuki hadn’t realized how much time had passed last night while he’d been reading the message boards, and by the time he completed his homework, it was 2AM. He shuffled into class, yawning.

               “Late night?” Reiji asked as Suzuki walked past.

               “It took me two hours to finish the reading.”

               “Me, too!” Takeru said. “And when I finished, it felt like I didn’t understand it at all.” He looked over at Ren. “What did you think?”

               Ren lifted his head slightly. “Huh? I didn’t finish. I fell asleep halfway through.”

               “You’re kidding. We have a quiz on it today.”

               “I can probably get a good enough grade with what I know.”

               Suzuki spotted Yamato sitting on the windowsill. He had his guitar balanced in his lap and he was strumming it idly. The things Suzuki had read last night started to seep into his mind. He pushed them away. I’m not going to think about it.

               “Yama-kun!” Suzuki called.

               Yamato glanced up and smiled. It looked real. Relief washed over Suzuki as he walked over. Yamato continued plucking on the strings.

               “Hey,” he said. “You look beat. What’s up?”

               “I got distracted by the internet last night and did all my homework late.” Suzuki blushed. Yamato liked to tease him for being irresponsible sometimes. “But I did get it done!”

               “Oh yeah. That site you texted me about. I hope you didn’t talk to anyone.”

               Suzuki laughed nervously. “No. Why would I?”

               “They’re trying to get a rise out of people. Starting an argument is just what they want.”

               He laughed again, this time more forced.

               Yamato tilted his head to the side. “You okay?”

               “Yeah. It’s all good.” Suzuki waved a hand. “Let’s stop talking about it. Do you still want to go shopping today after class?”

               “Sure. Just remember to change before we go out. I don’t want to get chased by your crazy fans again.”

               “I wouldn’t forget,” Suzuki said. He winked and stuck his tongue out. “Are you sure you don’t like the exercise?”

               “I’m sure.”

               Yamato met him in front of the school after classes let out. No matter how many times they went out in public together, Yamato never stopped staring at Suzuki’s outfit. Suzuki didn’t understand why he rolled his eyes every time he saw it.

               “What’s the matter? This is what I always wear,” he said.

               “I know. That’s the problem. We’re getting you some new civilian clothes today.” Yamato grabbed the hem of Suzuki’s t-shirt and gave it a tug. “How many of these do you own?”

               “A few.”

               “You’re supposed to be in disguise. Why would you wear a shirt with your own face on it?”

               “Because,” Suzuki said, lifting his index finger, “no one would ever suspect I’d wear my own merchandise. This face distracts them from looking at mine.”

               “If you say so.” Yamato let go.

               They walked into town, then took the train to the best shopping district. Though Yamato and Suzuki bought their clothes at different stores, they agreed that this part of the city had the best shops. The only problem was that it was crowded. Just getting off the train was a nightmare. Suzuki almost lost his hat.

               “Is it just me or are there more people here today than usual?” he asked, squashing it back on his head.

               “I think you’re right. There must be a promotion going on.” Yamato stretched to see over the crowd. “That one you like isn’t as busy. Let’s go to that one first.”

               They pressed through the crowd. Suzuki bumped into a woman carrying a dozen bags and made her drop all of them. He spent a few minutes helping her pick them up while bowing and apologizing. She gave him a dirty look. He wondered if she would’ve been as mad if she knew who he was.

               Or could she be one of the anti-fans?

               Suzuki hadn’t thought about it before, but those names online had real people behind them. They could’ve been from his own school. It was scary to think about. There might be some in this crowd. Suzuki readjusted his mask and sunglasses, making sure his face was completely hidden.

               “Suzu—!” Yamato cut himself off as he came jogging over. They’d gotten separated. “I turned around and you weren’t behind me.”

               “Sorry. It’s hard to stick together in all this.”

               Yamato sighed and looked around. Then he grabbed Suzuki’s hand. “Come on,” he said. “We need to get you a new shirt.”

               The changing room was cold. Suzuki quickly pulled on one of the shirts he’d brought in. It was a purple galaxy print. There were three mirrors placed in the corner of the stall, giving him a rounded view. He was pretty satisfied with his appearance. Suzuki had often been told he had a good face. And his rigorous dance practices kept him in good shape. Yet…

               Earlier, while Yamato was going through leather jackets, Suzuki had pulled up the anti-café on his phone. He needed to know if they knew where he was. His fans tended to track his movements. His haters might do the same thing.

               Though there wasn’t anything about where he physically was, but there was a new thread: “Is Suzuki actually handsome? Yes/No?” He knew he shouldn’t read it. It didn’t matter what a handful of bitter people on the internet thought. But the urge was too strong.

               It’s supposed to be his major selling point, but I’m a girl and I think he’s kind of lame.

               His hair color looks so fake and not in a good way.

               Didn’t he gain weight recently? No one’s gonna stick around if he keeps putting on the pounds XD

               Imo he’s kind of short.

               I’m 178 centimeters! That’s above average! Suzuki was shorter than Yamato, but that didn’t mean he was tiny. He remembered what Yamato had said about not engaging them. He wanted to set them straight.

               The school festival selfie had reappeared. Suzuki had been proud of it at the time. His and Yamato’s costumes were perfectly coordinated, they’d posed in front of the best decorations in the classroom, and they’d gotten a perfect angle. This site didn’t seem to agree.

               Look at this lame-ass Star Sailor costume.

               I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time.

               is it supposed to be funny? Who are they trying to appeal to?

               It had taken every ounce of Suzuki’s self-control not to go off on them. Star Sailor was one of his great loves. It was one of Yamato’s as well. That was the whole reason they had coordinated their cosplays.

               Unable to stomach any more, he had turned off the screen, gathered a few shirts and gone into the dressing room. He examined himself in the mirror. He still looked fine. Suzuki plucked a strand of hair. Was it too yellow?

               He took off the galaxy shirt and pinched his stomach. Suzuki wasn’t as muscular as boys like Makoto or Katsuo, but he had a lithe figure. Nothing seemed to have changed. Sometimes Suzuki’s manager warned him not to indulge his sweet tooth too much. Maybe he should start taking that message more to heart. He felt a pang of loss just considering skipping the cakes at the school’s café.

               Suzuki shook his head. He was letting the anti-site get to him.

               When he emerged from the dressing room, he spotted Yamato coming over, his arms weighed down with jackets and black jeans. He eyed Suzuki’s pile.

               “Did you find anything good?” he asked.

               “I like this one.” Suzuki pointed at the galaxy shirt. “What do you think?”

               Yamato shrugged. “You look good in everything.”

               “Aw, Yama-kun, you’re so sweet!” Suzuki said in an over-the-top cutesy voice. He shimmied his shoulders for extra effect.

               Yamato rolled his eyes and gave Suzuki a light smack on the arm. He disappeared behind the curtain. Suzuki put away the clothes he didn’t want while he waited. He wondered if Yamato had hate sites, too. It didn’t seem possible. Yamato was so handsome and talented; it was hard to imagine a bunch of people getting together just to make fun of him.

               Suzuki pulled out his phone again. He went through his pictures until he found another selfie he’d taken with Yamato. It was from the last time Yamato had hung out at his house. Suzuki hadn’t made it public. He didn’t know why. It was a good picture. There wasn’t anything scandalous or illegal in it.

               He supposed he hadn’t wanted to share it because it felt more personal than the others. They were both in sweatshirts and pajama pants, their faces lit up by the blue light from Suzuki’s TV. Suzuki was leaning heavily on Yamato, who was grinning at the camera. Suzuki was smiling fondly up at Yamato.

               If those jerks online could see this picture, they’d realize Yamato wasn’t faking his feelings of friendship. Suzuki couldn’t post it, though. This picture was just for him and Yamato, no one else. He sighed and closed the photo gallery.

               Yamato came out of the dressing room. “I’m ready if you are,” he said.

               “Are you buying anything?” Suzuki asked as he headed for the counter.

               Yamato shook his head. “I’m going to shop around a bit more. Do you want to get some bubble tea after the next stop?”

               “Only if we go to that one place next to the arcade.”

               “Okay, but you’re not dragging me into another DDR competition.”

               Suzuki put his arm around Yamato’s shoulders. “Come on, you’re not that bad. You almost beat me last time.”

               Yamato shook his head. He copied Suzuki’s gesture, linking them closer together. He gave Suzuki’s back a pat. “I’ll leave the dancing to the trained idol. Some other time. Now go, it’s your turn.” He nudged Suzuki forward.

               Suzuki reluctantly let go of Yamato. He brought his shirts to the girl working the cash register. She smiled at him.

               “You and your friend are cute,” she said as she rung him up.

               “Thanks! I try.”

               She giggled. “Have a nice day.”

               “Did you flirt your way to a discount?” Yamato asked.

               Suzuki’s eyes widened behind his sunglasses. “You can do that?”

               “No, idiot.” Yamato took Suzuki’s hand again. “Maybe you could, but I wouldn’t. I hope she didn’t recognize you.”

               “She didn’t. If she had, she would’ve asked for an autograph.”

               They could never get a seat by the windows, otherwise their combined fans would fill the restaurant. Suzuki was half thankful for the privacy it afforded them, but they had to sit in a dim corner where there wasn’t much space. One of Yamato’s legs rested against one of his own.

               “What kind did you get?” Suzuki asked.

               Yamato glanced up from his phone. “Honeydew. You wanna try it?”

               “Sure.” Suzuki took a sip from Yamato’s bubble tea. They had never worried about germs. The tea was perfectly sweet and mellow. He passed it back, a smile on his lips.

               “You know, that’s the first time you smiled this afternoon,” Yamato said. “It feels like you’ve been gloomy ever since we left school.”

               “Really?” He hadn’t noticed. “I guess I’m just tired. We’re already talking about the next comeback.”

               “They should let you have a break. I’ve been talking to my agency about a vacation.” Yamato lowered his phone and met Suzuki’s eyes. “We could go somewhere. Hawai’i maybe. I’ve always wanted to do a shark tour.”

               Suzuki shuddered. “That’s scary!”

               “They put you in a cage. It’s not dangerous.”

               “You can do that. I want to get a tan.”

               Yamato knocked his leg against Suzuki’s. “But you’d want to go? With me?”

               “Of course.”

               Yamato’s eyes lit up. He smiled. “Awesome. We can get it cleared with your manager. There’s a little while before our next break. We could go then if your team says it’s okay.”

               Hawai’I with Yamato. Suzuki imagined what it might be like. Sun, sand, and the ocean. Swimsuits. Sleeping in. Hawai’ian food. He sighed wistfully. Ever since he had first seen travel programs for it on TV, he’d always wanted to go. The best part might be going with Yamato. They could run around together as much as they wanted. They’d have their own hotel room.

               “Will you ask your manager about it?” Yamato said, pressing Suzuki’s leg again. He was chewing on the corner of his lip.

               “I will. I’ll text her now.” Suzuki fished his phone from his jacket pocket. He braced his leg against Yamato’s. He took comfort in the pressure. Yamato was strong. It felt good to lean on him.

               Some of the other guys invited them to karaoke after school that weekend. It was Hajime’s idea apparently, which meant he’d roped in Soujiro, who was bringing the twins, and so on and so on. Things usually turned out this way. If someone mentioned a party, everyone ended up unofficially invited. Ikemen wasn’t a small school, but word spread quickly, and the upperclassmen were all connected by a web of association.

               Suzuki didn’t remember who specifically asked him and Yamato if they wanted to tag along. It might’ve been Ai. Anyway, they showed up at the karaoke place after everyone else had already arrived thanks to an unexpected fangirl sighting.

               “You guys are late,” Tokiya said.

               “We just got chased halfway across the city,” Yamato said, tossing his jacket onto one of the couches. “Give us a break.”

               Suzuki removed his mask, sunglasses, and hat. He took stock of the group. Ai had brought Tokiya and Ryuu, but Kurou was nowhere to be seen, meaning there’d be a fight later. (Ryuu and Tokiya always fought.) Soujiro and the twins were there, wearing casual clothes for once. Yuu and Baa had shown up as well. Suzuki would never get over the goat head. Takeru was there, probably having heard about the outing through word of mouth.

               “Sorry, we ordered food without you,” he said.

               “It’s fine. We can get something later.”

               Suzuki settled in beside Yamato. He had asked his manager about the vacation. She hadn’t gotten back to him yet. He was starting to get nervous. Running from their fans earlier had only made Suzuki want it more. After this comeback. If the single does well, then I earned it. She can’t say no.

               The other third-years had already lined up a decent list of songs. They must have been feeling nostalgic, since most of the music was from the 80s and 90s. Takeru, being Takeru, shared some of his food with Yamato and Suzuki while Hajime launched into a heart-felt ballad at the top of his lungs.

               It was times like these that made Suzuki wish he wasn’t an idol. Being a senior in high school wasn’t easy, but there was so much more freedom. You definitely didn’t get hate comments. You could hang out with whoever you wanted. You didn’t get chased when you went outside. He could never just quit though. He loved music. He loved performing. But it was nice to just be with friends and not on a stage.

               Yamato nudged him with his elbow. “Are you going to sing?”

               “Obviously!” Suzuki hopped up. “I wonder if they have one of your songs on the machine.”

               “Ooh, do it!” Ai said.

               Yamato looked embarrassed. “Come on…”

               “What?” Suzuki scrolled through the song list. “Are you scared I’m gonna ruin it? I’ll let you cover one of mine?”

               “You should do a duet,” Hajime said. “Give us the collab everyone’s been waiting for!”

               Takeru nodded in agreement and Ai applauded. “Yeah!” he said. “Do that!”

               Yamato got up and walked over to the screen, picking up a microphone for himself. “Pick something we both know. One that’s in my range.”

               Suzuki kept scrolling. They had a couple of his songs, as well as a few of Yama’s, but none of them were duets. Then he spotted something. He let out a cry of excitement.

               “Yama! The Star Sailor duet! From the musical.” He grabbed Yamato’s upper arm and squeezed it insistently. “Remember? The part where Selena hears Damian join her from offstage, and then he comes down from the ceiling?” He shook Yamato’s arm for emphasis. “Let’s do this one. Please?”

               “Wait, you’ve seen the Star Sailor musical?” Ryuu asked with a smirk.

               Yamato blushed. “It’s good,” he muttered. To Suzuki, he said, “You really want to do this one? It’s kind of…”

               “I know all the words,” Suzuki said proudly. “I could sing it without looking at the screen.”

               Yamato still looked hesitant. An upsetting thought reared its ugly head. Suzuki remembered the discussion in the anti-café, about their Star Sailor cosplay. I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time. Suzuki’s heart sank. What if Yama really was only going along with it to humor him? Liking a sparkly and romantic mahou shojo wasn’t Yamato’s style. And he probably hadn’t wanted to broadcast any interest in it.

               “Um, we don’t have to,” Suzuki said. He reached out to scroll down the list again. “There’s probably another song we can both sing in here.”

               “No,” Yamato blurted, color still high in his cheeks. “I want to do this one.”

               “Are you sure?”

               Yamato nodded. “You can have Selena’s part. The notes are too high for me.”

               Relief washed over Suzuki. He might be humoring you again, a mean voice whispered in the back of his head. He tried to ignore it. As long as he got to sing with Yamato, he didn’t really care. He pressed play.

               They might have been in a random karaoke room, surrounded by classmates, but Suzuki poured his heart into the performance. He loved the Star Sailor musical. He thought it was hopelessly romantic. Especially the part where Damian appeared. Suzuki started the duet and Yamato jumped in after a few bars. His voice was perfect for the song. It was like he really was Damian.

               If Yamato had seemed uncomfortable before, he had shaken it off. He sang with confidence, turning to face Suzuki and holding out his hand. A thrill went through Suzuki as he took it. Yamato even twirled him under his arm. They could have been onstage. Suzuki had no trouble imagining Yamato in the top hat and mask (seeing as he’d worn the costume before). He also had no trouble seeing why Yamato’s fans left strings of hearts in the comments on his selfie posts.

               Suzuki was starting to feel lightheaded. It might’ve been because the room was hot, or all his breath was going into the duet, but at the same time, he knew that wasn’t the real reason. Yamato drew him in a step closer. They were reaching the end of the song.

               In the musical, Selena and Damian ended their duet by putting their foreheads together, eyes closed. Then, just before the stage lights dimmed, they would kiss. It was cheated, covered by strategic hand placement, but Suzuki squealed every time. Now, as his head came to rest against Yamato’s, he had a crazy idea.

               What if Yamato kissed him?

               Suzuki’s heart started to pound. Yamato’s face was so close to his. It would take just a tiny movement for their lips to touch. Even though the actors usually closed their eyes, Yamato was looking straight at him, and Suzuki couldn’t tear his gaze away. He’d forgotten everyone in the room. They might as well have been alone.

               Then, the last note of the song faded. Yamato stepped back. Suzuki released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Yamato’s hand was still in his. Suzuki was shaking. All around them, the other third-years applauded. Someone whistled.

               Suzuki came back to himself just in time. He raised his and Yama’s hands between them and swept into a low bow. “Thank you, thank you,” he said. “We’ll be here all week.”

               “You guys were great!” Tokiya said. “It was just like seeing the actual musical. Right, Ryuu?”

               Ryuu shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I’ve never watched Star Sailor live.”

               “Oh really? Then what was that about telling Kurou how much you liked the actress that played Queen Pyrite?”

               Ryuu’s mouth opened and shut indignantly. He turned away to hide the blush that had spread across his face. “Shut up, Tokiya.”

               Yamato insisted on walking Suzuki home. None of their fans appeared, so it was an uneventful journey, but Suzuki’s heart hadn’t stopped racing. Yamato was at his side, keeping pace and chatting about his plans for a new song. Suzuki only half-registered the words he was saying. The rest of his mind was occupied with the ups and downs of his voice, his smile, the way the streetlights made his hair glow.

               Suzuki remembered how Yamato had held his hand earlier and while they were shopping and wished Yamato would do it again. It had felt nice. He was tempted to bridge the distance between them, to reach out and mesh their fingers. Suzuki put his hands in his pockets instead.

               Could friends hold hands whenever? He didn’t think there was anything weird about it, but most of the people he saw holding hands were couples. He could ask Yamato, but that seemed awkward. Why was he even getting the urge to hold hands in the first place?

               “Suzuki?” Yamato had somehow ended up behind him. His brow was furrowed in concern. “Isn’t this your place?”

               Suzuki looked back. He’d kept walking past his house. “Oh,” he said, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, I was distracted. Thinking about stuff.” He jogged back.

               “You’re such an airhead,” Yamato said warmly. He ground his knuckles against the sides of Suzuki’s head, not hard enough to hurt. “What would you do without me?”

               Suzuki laughed, swatting Yamato’s hands away. “Mean! That’s it, we’re rivals now.”

               Yamato smirked. “I couldn’t be your rival. I’d crush you, and I don’t have the heart to do that. It’d be like kicking a puppy.”

               “Woof!” Suzuki’s chest grew arm as Yamato burst into a fit of giggles.

               Yamato took off his cap and mussed his hair. “Go on, your mom’s probably worried you got kidnapped by a crazy fan.”

               “Text me when you get home,” Suzuki said.

               “Will do. See you at school.”

               Suzuki watched Yamato go until he vanished around a street corner.

               Yamato texted him about twenty minutes later to let him know he’d arrived home safely. Suzuki tried to do his homework, but his thoughts were a jumble. He couldn’t concentrate. After an hour of struggling, he took a bath and changed for bed. If he couldn’t do his homework, he’d go to sleep now and wake up early to finish. And yet…

               Suzuki lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. What had happened tonight was different from how things usually went between him and Yamato. He remembered the light, fluttery feeling in his chest when Yamato had held his hand, and how it had doubled when their foreheads were together. He remembered looking into Yamato’s eyes as they’d sung the Star Sailor duet at the karaoke place.

               Friends didn’t react that way. Suzuki knew that. A friend didn’t set your heart racing just by touching you. They didn’t spawn butterflies in your stomach. Suzuki was starting to tremble just thinking about it. Heat burned up his neck to his ears.

               If he was being honest with himself, he had imagined kissing Yamato before. It was impossible not to. There was a whole legion of fans who thought they should be a couple. Suzuki had never missed an opportunity to please them. He thought it was actually rather sweet. Yamato had laughed at first, but in general had approached the whole thing with good humor. With that sort of thing going on, it was hard not to imagine what it might be like if they actually were together.

               Yamato seemed like he’d be a good kisser. He’d probably kissed lots of girls. Had he ever kissed another boy before? Probably not. Suzuki touched his lips. He had faked kisses with girls for MVs, but had never done it seriously. Yamato might laugh at his inexperience.

               But he might also smile as he kissed him. He might hold Suzuki to him in a firm embrace, stroking his hair. He might also push Suzuki against a wall and kiss him fiercely, channeling the energy of his music into Suzuki until they were both breathless.

               Suzuki opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d closed them. He took a deep breath in, then let it out. His imagination usually didn’t go that far. Suzuki felt a little uncomfortable. It was probably wrong for him to think of Yamato like that, but now that he’d started he couldn’t stop.

               He pictured being able to hold hands with Yamato all the time, not just in a crowd, kisses before class, cuddling with each other while they watched movies… His heart surged. The thought of being with Yamato as more than a friend had made him so happy he couldn’t want anything else.

               Suzuki wasn’t stupid. Maybe somewhat naive at times, but not stupid. He knew what he was experiencing. He loved Yamato. He had been loving Yamato for a long time now. Why shouldn’t he? Yamato was so artistic and brilliant and kind. It was just now occurring to him that his feelings ran over the edges of platonic affection into something else.

               At the same time, Suzuki knew he couldn’t tell him. Yamato couldn’t possibly return his feelings. Even if he did, they couldn’t date without it being plastered over every magazine cover and celebrity news website. He thought of the message boards on the anti-Suzuki site. Those people would riot if Suzuki even hinted at the idea of loving Yamato. They might even go so far as to threaten him. And, worst of all, what if they were right? What if Yamato was only his friend because he had to be?

               Suzuki didn’t want to believe it. He refused to. But the seeds of doubt had been sown. If he confessed to Yamato, and what those people online said was true, then he’d just humiliate himself. They’d never be able to hang out again. Suzuki feared that the most. He’d rather hold these feelings inside rather than run the risk of losing Yamato’s friendship.

               He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. If he stayed like this long enough, maybe he would smother himself and never have to think of it again. He lifted his head eventually. It got too uncomfortable.

               “I’ll just keep going like everything’s the same,” Suzuki said out loud. “He’ll never find out and we’ll keep being friends. I won’t have to give him up.”

               Still, the resolution filled him with pain. He would never have that relationship with Yamato. It wasn’t going to be easy. Yamato would only have to touch him to send ripples of longing through Suzuki. He would have to train himself not to react, not to reciprocate where it wasn’t wanted.

               He got up and found his MP3 player in his backpack. He put his earbuds in. Suzuki had every single album Yamato had released. He started with the first one, for nostalgia’s sake. As he listened, he imagined Yamato was singing just for him.

               Pretending everything was normal was a lot harder than Suzuki realized. Yamato was everywhere. They were in class together all day, ate together during lunch, and even hung out after school. Suzuki didn’t want to stop hanging out with him; that would just make Yamato suspicious. But it was getting more and more difficult to focus on history and science when they studied together.

               They were at Yamato’s apartment that afternoon. Yamato lived alone, which Suzuki used to think was a good thing, since there was no one to bother them if they decided to stay up all night watching anime. Now, he desperately wished there was someone to ward away his thoughts of kissing Yamato.

               Yamato ran his fingers through his hair. He looked frustrated. “I’m not getting it,” he said. “What about you?”

               Suzuki shook his head. He hadn’t even been trying. The whole study session was turning out to be counterproductive. How do people with crushes survive?

               “Do you want to take a break and play Mario Kart?”

               Suzuki shoved his notebook aside. “Absolutely.”

               Hopefully, a game would keep his mind off of contemplating the feel of Yamato’s lips against his. He settled into Yamato’s couch, controller in hand. They weren’t competitive with each other in any area except Mario Kart. Soon, he’d want to strangle Yamato instead of make-out with him.

               The plan worked, for a little while. Suzuki got swept up in the races, he and Yamato resorting to cheating by bumping into each other in real life and trying to wrestle the controllers out of each other’s hands. It was just like how things had been before. Suzuki relaxed.

               However, things took a turn when Yamato hit him with a shell, right before Suzuki was about to win Rainbow Road. Bowser dashed across the finish line while Princess Peach was still spinning out. Suzuki threw down his controller and started pummeling Yamato lightly with his fists.

               “I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”

               “I’m just playing the game,” Yamato laughed.

               “That was my win, you cheater!”

               “Shells are a part of the game. You hit me with a blue shell a couple tracks ago. How is this any different?” Yamato grabbed Suzuki’s wrists. “You still got second place.”

               “I should’ve been first,” Suzuki said. “I did the shortcut and everything.” He struggled against Yamato’s hold. “Let me go. I’m not done beating you up.”

               Yamato pushed him backwards, pinning him to the couch. He hovered over Suzuki. “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try. When you were hitting me, it felt like being stung by a mosquito.”

               Suzuki went red. He tried to break free, but Yamato was strong. He went redder as he became more aware of their position. What was this, a scene out of a shojo manga?

               “Okay, okay,” he said hastily. “You win. Fair and square. Can you get off me?”

               Yamato let go. He leaned back. Suzuki lay there for a second longer, trying to catch his breath. Had he actually been wanting Yamato to kiss him like that? To just lean down and…

               Suzuki shook his head. He had to get out of here before he did something stupid. He sat up. “Um, I should probably head home. I promised Mom I’d eat dinner with her tonight. She says she barely gets to see me.”

               “Oh.” Yamato sounded disappointed. “It’s still early.”

               Suzuki coughed. “Yeah. I said I’d help her cook, too.”

               “Alright. I’ll walk you.” Yamato started to get up.

               “Ah, no thanks!” Suzuki squeaked. He winced at the sound of his own voice. What was wrong with him? “I can make it on my own. I have my disguise and everything.”

               “Are you sure?”

               Suzuki nodded. He gathered his notebook and school things as quickly as possible. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow! Good luck on the physics homework.”

               Yamato followed him to the door. “Text me when you get home?”

               “Sure!” Suzuki chirped (too brightly, he realized). Then, before he could embarrass himself any further, he rushed out the door.

               Suzuki made good on his word to help his mother make dinner. She’d been surprised to see him home so early, but glad to spend time with him as well. Suzuki’s schedule was so hectic that they rarely ate dinner together, let alone cooked together. He wasn’t as good as Souma in the kitchen, but he managed.

               A part of him wanted to tell her about Yamato. He had a good opportunity to when she asked how he was doing. In the end, he said Yamato was doing fine and left it at that. He didn’t want to bother his mom with that kind of thing. (Truth be told, he was embarrassed to mention having a crush in the first place.)

               After dinner, he holed himself up in his room. Suzuki knew it was the last thing he needed right now, but he logged back onto the anti-café. No one had banned him yet. Suzuki hadn’t commented since that first time, so they’d probably forgotten he was there.

               It was full of the usual hatred and vitriol. Suzuki picked a thread railing against his and Yamato’s relationship. He scrolled through it for a while, his heart sinking lower and lower until it reached the Earth’s core. They despised the idea of him and Yamato together, whether they were friends or dating.

               It can never happen, Suzuki thought. His fans might turn on him.

               Suzuki finally closed the thread. Then, because he had no one else to turn to, he texted Jae. Jae was currently in South Korea, visiting family and the other members of his group. Suzuki hoped he wasn’t too busy.

               Hey sunbae, Suzuki wrote, do you ever get hate comments?

               It didn’t take long for Jae to text back. oh totally. happens all the time.

               How do you deal with them?

               i try to ignore it. block out the haters

               It was good advice. A no-brainer, honestly, if only Suzuki could follow it. have you ever found a whole site that hates you? an anti café?

               man don’t tell me you have one of those. you’re a ray of sunshine! how could anyone make a whole anti-café devoted to you?

               Idk either. It’s really been getting me down. What should I do?

               Jae spent a long time typing. Suzuki watched the little ellipses dance while he waited. Eventually, Jae wrote back, you can always block the site or their comments. it’s nothing to be ashamed of. you don’t owe them anything tbh. if they’re not actually sending you constructive criticism, if all they’re doing is trying to tear you down, then kick ‘em to the curb ㅋㅋㅋ seriously tho, don’t read that stuff. it breaks my heart that anyone could be so mean to my hoobae

               T^T you’re the best jae-sunbae, Suzuki replied.

               i try 😉 is there anything else i can help with?

               Suzuki hesitated. He could trust Jae with anything. But could he trust him with this? Maybe if he was vague, Jae wouldn’t realize who Suzuki was talking about. He took a deep breath and wrote, yeah. Have you ever had a crush on someone who’s like, your friend?

               are we talking about yama?

               Suzuki nearly dropped his phone. He typed a response with trembling fingers. Haha nooooooo where did you get that idea? I’m talking hypothetically.

               sure, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Jae replied. so in this hypothetical situation, is the crusher a j-idol and the crushee a rockstar?

               (^◇^；) no…

               suzuki literally everyone on the planet thinks you guys are dating. even my mom thinks so.

               Suzuki huffed. That doesn’t make it true! he typed. Answer my question: did you ever have a crush on a friend, yes/no?

               Again, it took a while for Jae to reply. yep! didn’t work out but hey! it was someone else in the music scene. you know how it is. not that you should get discouraged! you and yamato would be super cute together.

               Suzuki blushed. He thought for a while about what he should say. He typed out, do you really think so? what if a lot of people got mad?

               you shouldn’t care about what other people think. it’s your personal life.

               What if, hypothetically, it’s just one-sided and I ruin our whole friendship?

               i doubt it would ruin your friendship, Jae wrote. i’m 99.9% sure yama likes you. have you seen how he looks in your selfies? heart eyes <3

               Suzuki’s blush deepened. No way. Jae was just trying to make him feel better. Then again, the duet in the karaoke room gave him a sliver of hope. But that was a performance. They were acting like Damian and Selena.

               What about the other 1%? Suzuki wrote.

               you doubt my judgment?? look, even if he doesn’t feel that way about you, your friendship won’t tank just because of a little crush. not if it’s real and i think it is.

               Okay. Thanks again, sunbae <3 I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.

               anytime! it’s good to be home, but i miss everyone over there TT take care of yourself!

               Suzuki locked his phone screen and lay down. Talking to Jae had helped, but he still couldn’t bring himself to confess to Yamato. He didn’t understand how Jae could be so confident when his own crush hadn’t worked out. He knew just as well as Suzuki how hard it was for idols to date normally.

               Even if Yamato liked me back, I’d get flayed alive. Probably by my manager, too. His manager still hadn’t given him the green light on the vacation. Suzuki was starting to think that was her way of saying no. It might be better if he didn’t go. Hawai’i was a romantic place, right? What if Suzuki got carried away and blurted his feelings? It would defeat the purpose of a relaxing getaway.

               I should tell Yamato I can’t come with. Suzuki would do it tomorrow, at school. He’d rip the band-aid off, so to speak, and get it over with. Hopefully Yamato wouldn’t be too disappointed.

               Suzuki didn’t get a chance to tell Yamato the next day, because Yamato was suddenly super busy. He was on the phone with someone before class started, and he spent every break scribbling in his notebook. He disappeared during lunch before Suzuki could even ask if they were going to eat together. It wasn’t that strange, really. 3-A was full of students with irregular schedules. For example, Takahiro had taken off for some part-time job earlier.

               However, Yamato wasn’t there the next day either, so Suzuki couldn’t tell him then, either. And then Suzuki had to skip a day to spend it in a recording studio. He considered texting Yamato about it, but he would rather tell him in person. It seemed a bit too important not to discuss face-to-face.

               Suzuki finally got a chance when he and Yamato both arrived late in the school day. He guessed Yamato must have been recording something as well. He was dressed down from his usual leather jacket and had left out a few piercings. He only did that when he had an early morning session.

               “Are you free to walk home today, Yama?” Suzuki asked as they jogged up the stairs to 3-A. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

               “Today’s no good.”

               “What about tomorrow morning?”

               Yamato shook his head. “Busy. Sorry.”

               Suzuki paused. “What’s going on? Are you prepping a new release?”

               Yamato didn’t answer. He just kept going. Suzuki stared at his retreating back. What was the big secret? Yamato usually shared any and all details about his projects. He’d been talking about a new song after karaoke. Were the two related, or was this another thing altogether?

               What if I made him uncomfortable? Suzuki thought, gripped by terror. Or what if Jae was trying to be helpful and told him I have a crush on him? He knew he was jumping to conclusions. Yamato was busy; that was all. Even so, he felt nervous. Why hadn’t Yamato answered him?

               Suzuki investigated Yamato’s fansites. He wasn’t making special appearances anywhere. There were no concert announcements. Not even a rumor of an album release. So what was he doing? He hadn’t walked home with Suzuki or asked him over for a while. They didn’t even have lunch together anymore.

               A sick, heavy dread settled in Suzuki’s stomach as he logged onto the anti-café. It got worse. The café was overjoyed.

               No suzuyama sightings lately! He finally dropped him!

               Heard rumors from school that they’re split up.

               Maybe S*zuki will take a hint and stop clinging to Yamato like a puppy

               It’d be like kicking a puppy. Suzuki’s mouth went dry. He tossed his phone into his backpack. Did Yamato really see him as a dog, stupidly following him everywhere? He’d played along with the joke that time, but now it stung.

               “Romantic troubles?”

               Suzuki jumped a foot. Ai was standing right behind him, his quiver slung across his back. He didn’t wait for an invitation to take the empty seat next to Suzuki. Suzuki had thought he’d been alone in this courtyard, but Ai must have had a tracking device implanted in every boy in school.

               “I’m not having romantic troubles,” Suzuki lied.

               Ai smiled skeptically. “It’s about Yamato, isn’t it?”

               Am I really that obvious? Suzuki’s shoulders sagged. “Not you, too.”

               “What, is it a secret? Even that nice girl at the café knows.”

               Suzuki put his face in his hands. If everyone knew then how could Yamato not? He’s avoiding me, since he realized I’m bad for his image.

               Ai patted his knee. “Cheer up! You could do a lot worse than Yamato.”

               “Not if he hates me!”

               “Why do you think he hates you?”

               “He’s been avoiding me,” Suzuki said. “At first, I thought he was working on something, but he wouldn’t tell me anything about it. And don’t say he’s throwing me a surprise party. My birthday isn’t coming up.”

               “Hmm, that’s tricky.” Ai rubbed his chin. “He usually shares all his projects with you, right? Maybe he’s seeing someone else?”

               Suzuki went cold. He hadn’t considered that possibility. Had Yamato started dating and not told him? No, that couldn’t be. Someone would’ve snapped a picture or started a rumor by now, and the fansites were quiet.

               “No.” He shook his head. “He would’ve told me for sure.”

               Ai shrugged. “Then he’s probably busy. You shouldn’t get too worked up, Suzuki. Guys like him sometimes have trouble communicating their feelings. He might be focusing so hard that he hasn’t had time to tell you about it. Kurou does the same thing. He gets tunnel-vision when he’s working on a play.”

               It made Suzuki feel a little better, but it didn’t inspire confidence. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Yamato was purposefully ducking him.

               “Anyway, I’m meeting Sousuke for an archery showdown,” Ai said, standing up. “He’s going to regret challenging me. Are you going to be okay?”

               Suzuki nodded. “Thanks for the advice, Ai. Good luck.”

               Ai shot him a thumbs-up before he left. Suzuki remained where he was. He didn’t know how long he sat in the courtyard, staring at the flowerbeds. His phone buzzed, snapping him out of it.

               It was Yamato. Suzuki had been expecting his manager. His heart thumped rapidly. He opened the message. Hey Suzuki, can you come to the music room?

               He was torn. Should he go? Yamato had asked him, but what if it was just to say that they shouldn’t hang out anymore. Or worse, that he didn’t return Suzuki’s feelings, which were apparently so obvious that they could be seen from space? Eventually, Suzuki gathered his courage and went to the music room.

               School had finished for the day, so the music room was deserted, except for Yamato and Suzuki. It was quiet. All the clubs were meeting on the other side of Ikemen. Yamato was leaning against the piano, fiddling something. When Suzuki got closer, he realized it was his MP3 player.

               “Hey,” Yamato said. He sounded nervous. “Sorry for ghosting you. I was working on an important project.”

               A bit of relief crept into Suzuki’s veins. “Really? Why didn’t you just say so?”

               Yamato blushed. “Well, uh, it was kind of a surprise. I didn’t know whether it would work out. I, um… here.” He held out the MP3 player. “Listen.”

               Suzuki took it. He put an earbud in. There was only one track on the device, untitled. He hit play. A second later, the sound of Yamato’s voice filled his ears. Yamato’s singing voice was wonderful and familiar, but the backing track didn’t sound like his style at all. It sounded more like Suzuki’s music than his, though there was a hint of Yamato there, too. The more Suzuki listened, the more it grew on him. The lyrics were about stars burning bright for centuries, their light stretching across galaxies long after their death, and gazing at the same sky as someone you loved. A lump formed in his throat.

               “What do you think?” Yamato asked when Suzuki finished.

               “Amazing, like always,” Suzuki said. “Is this going to be on your next album?”

               “Actually…” Yamato scuffed the floor. “I was thinking it could be on yours. I wrote it for you to sing, if you want it. I figured it was the least I could do, after you made me that mixtape for my birthday.”

               Suzuki couldn’t believe it. Yamato had written him a song. Not just one to listen to, but one to sing. The lump in his throat got bigger. “W-what’s the occasion?” he asked, his voice trembling.

               “No reason. I just wanted to do something special, I guess. Do you like it?”

               Suzuki nodded vigorously. He couldn’t speak. Before he could stop himself, tears began to flow down his cheeks. I’m so dumb. I thought he was ditching me this whole time, and he was working on a song. For me. He covered his face, but it didn’t stop the noise from escaping. It was like a dam had burst; all of Suzuki’s feelings rushed out in one go.

               “What are you crying for?” Yamato asked, gently removing Suzuki’s hands from his face.

               Suzuki hiccupped. He was so embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to cry. “I…” he tried to say. “I was afraid you were tired of me.”

               Yamato sighed. “I’m not tired of you, Suzu. Have you been paying attention to what those losers online are saying? I told you they’re full of it. Come here.”

               He folded Suzuki into his arms. Suzuki let out another involuntary sob. He buried his face in Yamato’s shoulder. It was sturdy and strong. His t-shirt was soft. Yamato alternated between patting his back and rubbing circles.

               Eventually, Suzuki cried himself out. He stepped back. Yamato let him go, but he kept his hands on Suzuki’s arms. He was looking at him with concern.

               “Are you okay?”

               Suzuki nodded and sniffed. “I’ll be fine. I didn’t want it to get to me, but I guess…”

               “They’re just bitter and pathetic people who have nothing better to do with their time.” Yamato gathered Suzuki’s hands and held them against his chest. “They’re not real. This is. And any fan of mine who talks that way about you isn’t a real fan. If they can’t love you as much as I do, then that’s their problem.”

               Suzuki blinked. He wanted to wipe away a few stray tears, but he didn’t want Yamato to let go of him. “You love me?” he asked, half-stunned.

               The realization seemed to come over Yamato at the exact same moment. A blush covered his cheeks. “Did I say that?”

               “You did.”

               “Well… I mean, of course I do. You’re my best friend.” To Suzuki’s dismay, Yamato dropped his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair, disturbing the spikes. “I thought you already knew that.”

               “I do now.” Suzuki smiled, trying to mask his disappointment. I shouldn’t be disappointed at all. Yamato’s friendship is super important to me, too. “I love you, too.”

               Yamato blushed deeper. “Alright, alright. Let’s not get carried away.”

               Suzuki laughed. This was good. He knew now that Yamato wasn’t going to abandon him. They were still friends. They could continue performing together at school. It would be fun. At least I had a chance to say it to him out loud, even if he doesn’t know how much I really mean it.

               Suzuki blocked the anti-café. He had to stop using it to punish himself. Besides, he couldn’t forgive them for leading him to believe Yamato didn’t care about him. He made sure to delete his account too, just in case the urge overpowered him, and he lifted the block.

               It’s been fun, he thought. He instantly felt better. Things returned to normal. Suzuki approached his manager with Yamato’s song. He leaned heavily on the idea of marketing it as a collaboration and watched as the yen signs appeared in her eyes. After that, she shocked him by giving him permission to go to Hawai’i.

               “If the song does well, we’ll find time for a vacation,” she promised. “I couldn’t answer you before, since there was a lot up in the air, but you deserve some time off.”

               “And I can go with Yamato?”

               “If your schedules line up, I don’t see why not.”

               The next morning, he told Yamato by throwing himself into his arms and shouting, “We’re going to Hawai’i!”

               “Your manager said yes?” Yamato said, brightening.

               Suzuki nodded. “She said that if the collab works out, then I can go with you. As long as we’re free at the same time. Hawai’i, Yama! Hawai’i!”

               Yamato actually swung him around the classroom but stopped short when their homeroom teacher gave them a death-glare. Suzuki let go and jumped back.

               “Oops. Sorry, sensei.”

               “You’d better concentrate on passing your exams before talking about Hawai’i,” the teacher warned. “And don’t do that again. You could’ve knocked over the desks.”

               It didn’t bring Suzuki’s mood down at all. He was walking on air. Later, when his and Yama’s managers called about some kind of music industry party, he agreed to go without hesitation. Yamato was a little more reluctant, but he caved when Suzuki said they could go together.

               All in all, life was good. Suzuki still wanted to kiss Yamato. He still wanted to hug him as tightly as possible and tell him how he felt, but he couldn’t bear to mess everything up. Why sabotage a good thing? Yamato clearly only thought of him as a friend.

               And that was fine. Everything was fine.

               Suzuki enjoyed getting dressed up for public appearances. Yamato didn’t. He always looked uncomfortable in suits. Uncomfortable, yet handsome. Suzuki’s heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

               “I hate ties,” Yamato muttered, playing with the end of his.

               “Then don’t wear one,” Suzuki said. He stepped forward and undid the knot. “It’s a formal party, but no one will care. See, I think you look just fine without it. Undo a couple buttons, and voila! Rock superstar Yamato is red carpet ready!”

               Suzuki might have been mistaken, but Yamato appeared flustered. He turned towards the limousine their managers had arranged to drive them to the event and held open the door for Suzuki.

               “After you,” he said.

               It was after sunset and traffic was bad. Suzuki checked the time. Unless they learned how to teleport, they were going to be late. Oh well, in that case they’d make an even more striking entrance. Suzuki stretched out, putting his feet up on the seat. They were barely moving.

               Yamato, meanwhile, was reading something on his phone. Suzuki didn’t know what it was, but it appeared to be irritating him. He kept frowning. Finally,          Yamato tossed the phone into the corner and folded his arms. He huffed, a deep furrow forming between his eyebrows. Suzuki was torn between laughing at his grumpiness and wanting to comfort him.

               “What’s up, Yama-kun?” Suzuki asked.

               “Oh, it’s…” He stopped, turning pink. “It’s stupid.”

               “You did something stupid?” Suzuki knew he sounded a bit too eager, but he couldn’t help it. He was dying to know.

               Yamato rolled his eyes. “Yes, actually.”

               “Are you going to tell me about it or am I going to have to tickle you for information?” Suzuki wiggled his fingers to demonstrate.

               “Don’t!” Yamato pulled his legs up onto the seat, as if to shield himself from Suzuki’s attack. “Jesus, Suzuki we’re in public.”

               “No, we’re not. The windows are tinted and the partition’s up. Now tell me what made you so mad.”

               Yamato relaxed. He retrieved his phone—which was undamaged—and passed it to Suzuki. Suzuki’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing: an anti-Yamato fansite. For a few seconds, he just stared at it. Then he began to actually process the words he was looking at.

               Yamato’s style totally clashes with Suzuki’s. Don’t know why they’re friends.

               Do u remember when he was talking about how “””fake””” Zuzu is? He said in a press conference that ur not a real artist if u don’t write and produce ur own songs. What a snob. Did he ever apologize for that?

               Suzuki laughed out loud. He glanced at Yamato. “They have a point. Did you ever apologize to me?”

               “It’s not funny.”

               “It is!” Suzuki kept scrolling. “This whole time you were telling me not to pay attention to the haters and you didn’t even follow your own advice. Aww, Yama, don’t feel bad. Wait a minute.”

               There was a new reply to one of the comments by a user named, “st4rpower826.”

               Do you guys ever get tired of talking trash behind the safety of your computer screens? Why don’t you say this stuff to Suzuki’s face and see how he takes it. Last I heard, he and Yamato were still really close. He doesn’t get mad until you insult his friends. If you actually cared about him, you wouldn’t do this.

               It had a bunch of negative replies. Suzuki looked at Yamato again. Yamato was chewing on his lip.

               “Is this you?” Suzuki asked, pointing at the screen.

               “That could be anyone.”

               “It’s you! You made an account!” Suzuki grabbed Yamato’s shoulder and shook it. He was laughing uncontrollably now. “You made an account so you could fight with them! Oh my God. That’s my birthday in your username!”

               Yamato’s ears were growing steadily redder. “You have to make an account to read the message boards,” he muttered. “You know that. Someone was going to come along and tell them off eventually. Might as well be me.”

               “How did you get that username? That’s, like, a prime fandom username. When I went on the anti-Suzuki boards, YamaFan#1 was taken.”

               “No one else spelled with a four for the A.”

               Suzuki was still giggling. He continued scrolling. “How long did you have this?”

               “I went searching for one about me the same night you went on yours. I was curious.” Yamato smiled sheepishly. “I could take all the garbage they spewed about me but when they started throwing you into the mix, I got really upset. So I fought back. Didn’t do much good though.”

               “These people say we’re so different, but we actually have lots in common, huh?”

               “Yeah…”

               “Oh, here’s a familiar one: ‘Suzuki is friends with Yamato for fanservice. Yamato wouldn’t be as popular if people didn’t think he was gay for Suzuki.’ People were saying the same stuff on my anti-site.”

               Yamato’s blush had spread down his neck. “They’re crazy.”

               “I know.” Suzuki turned the screen off. “You shouldn’t get into fights with people online, even if they are being jerks. We know the truth.”

               Yamato nodded. He rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, it was really stupid, but I started to get scared that they might be right. Just for a second. Seeing all that old stuff I said made me wonder if you were still angry with me, and you were pretending not to hate me for the sake of getting along.”

               “I don’t hate you, Yama.” Suzuki kneaded Yamato’s shoulder. “I’ve always thought you were cool, even when you were criticizing me. I could never hate you. Do you wanna know why?”

               “Sure,” Yamato said, his lips quirking into a smile.

               Suzuki kissed him. His heart was pounding a mile a minute, but he had never felt more sure of anything in his life before. The hand on Yamato’s shoulder was steady. When he pulled away, Yamato was staring at him, his eyes huge.

               “It’s because I love you,” Suzuki said. And because he couldn’t help it, he winked.

               The words were barely out of his mouth before Yamato returned the kiss. It took Suzuki by surprise, almost knocking him backward. He managed to hold himself up by catching hold of Yamato’s other shoulder. The realization that Yamato was kissing him sank in about two seconds later. Suzuki’s imagination had been lacking. Actually kissing Yamato was better than anything he could’ve dreamed up.

               Yamato was holding him, one hand braced against the small of Suzuki’s back, the other cupping his chin. His mouth was soft and smooth and warm. Suzuki tasted a hint of lip balm. He leaned into the kiss, following Yamato’s movements. Then, Yamato pulled Suzuki onto his lap. Both hands slid to Suzuki’s hips.

               “Suzuki,” Yamato breathed.

               “What?”

               “I don’t want to go to this party. Do you?”

               Suzuki didn’t have to think about it. “No.”

               He gave Yamato another lingering kiss as he got off his lap, then went to knock on the partition. It rolled down about halfway. Suzuki held up a hand in apology.

               “Sorry,” he said, “but could you take us back to Yamato’s place?”

               The next morning was strange. After they’d been dropped off at Yamato’s house, he and Suzuki had spent the rest of the night watching movies and making out. When they were too tired to keep their eyes open a second longer, Yamato let Suzuki borrow a t-shirt and pair of pajama pants, and they had fallen asleep in his room.

               Suzuki woke up thinking last night had been a dream. He wasn’t surprised by coming to in Yamato’s room. (They had sleepovers all the time.) What reminded him that it was real was feeling the weight of Yamato’s arm around him. Suzuki bit back a fresh fit of giggles. He couldn’t believe it. He had kissed Yamato last night. Yamato had kissed him back.

               Yamato stirred and lifted his head. It seemed to take him a minute as well. Then he smiled. He kissed Suzuki’s cheek. “Good morning,” he said softly.

               “Good morning,” Suzuki repeated. He wondered if they could get away with staying in bed all day. Their phones had been blowing up all night, to the point where they’d set them to silent and left them in the living room.

               Yamato groped for his alarm clock. “It’s almost noon.”

               “My manager is probably going crazy right now because I didn’t show up.” He laughed at that. She was going to kill him later, but there were other things on his mind right now. “Is there anything important going on today?”

               “No. There’s just you.” Yamato nestled himself against Suzuki again.

               “We can stay in today,” Suzuki suggested. “We’ll play video games and make pancakes.”

               “And make out,” Yamato added. He stuck his tongue out and wiggled it around.

               Suzuki slapped his hand over Yamato’s mouth, laughing helplessly. “Gross! Don’t do that. You’re not a member of KISS.”

               Yamato laughed as well. He let go of Suzuki and rolled out of bed. “Come on. I’ll make you pancakes. I bought blueberries.”

The apartment complex was quiet. Everyone was either sleeping in or out. Suzuki helped Yamato get out the mixing bowl and the skillet. There were, in fact, blueberries in the fridge. (Suzuki may have helped himself to a few before putting some in the batter.) Yamato started a pot of coffee, promising Suzuki that he still had the French vanilla creamer he liked.

               While they were waiting to flip the first pancake, Suzuki decided to bring up the question that had been on his mind since he’d gotten out of bed. “So… are we boyfriends now?”

               To his credit, Yamato wasn’t caught off-guard, though he did hesitate. “I don’t know. I want to be,” he said. “Things are different for us.”

               “I’d be fine dating you in secret. Plenty of celebrities do it.”

               “Me too, but I don’t know how long we could keep it up. There’s a lot of stress involved.” Yamato did the flip. It was clean. He passed the spatula to Suzuki. “It would definitely make some of our fans happy.”

               Suzuki grinned. “Maybe that’s how we should justify it to our managers.”

               “Yikes,” Yamato said. “Honestly, I don’t want to think about it right now. I just want to eat and destroy you at Mario Kart again. We can talk about the serious stuff later.”

               “Can’t you go easy on me?” Suzuki whined. “I’m your boyfriend.”

               “What makes you think I’d go easy on you just because we’re dating now? I never let you win when we were friends and that’s not going to change now.”

               “You’re so mean.” Suzuki pulled his eyelid and stuck out his tongue. “Yama-kun’s a bad boyfriend. I’m gonna tell the whole world, so no one will steal you from me.”

               Yamato laughed. He put an arm around Suzuki’s waist and brought him in for a kiss. “No one could steal me from you,” he said when they separated. “I love you.”

               Suzuki put his head on Yamato’s shoulder. Life was good. The world might as well be limited to this small kitchen. To him and Yamato, and no one else. “Love you, too.”

[michaelandy101-blog]

44 Free Instruments to Assist You Discover What Individuals Search For

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44 Free Instruments to Assist You Discover What Individuals Search For

What Individuals Search For

BuzzSumo

SEMrush

Reply The Public

Fb

Twitter

YouTube

Pinterest

Ubersuggest

Screaming Frog

Ahrefs

Yoast

GTMetrix

Key phrases In every single place

website positioning Search Simulator by Nightwatch

Mozbar

TF*IDF software by Seobility

SERP Simulator

Verify My Hyperlinks

19-31. Different Social Information Websites

Google Autocomplete

Google Individuals Additionally Ask

Google Searches Associated To

Google Information

Google Alerts + IFTTT

Google Search Console

Google Key phrase Planner

Google Knowledge Studio

Google Tendencies

Google Sheets

Google Analytics

Web page Velocity Insights

Lighthouse

Trending Subjects

As thought-provoking and satisfying as keyword research might be, it’s additionally equally difficult and mind-boggling should you’re a newbie simply on the tipping level of truly getting it.

Certain, you’ve perused via Google’s Key phrase Planner and tinkered with Google’s Autocomplete. However, truthfully, key phrase analysis is intimidating whenever you’re simply beginning.

Entering into the groove of key phrase analysis doesn’t simply occur in a single day. You must understand how folks search and what they search for earlier than you possibly can even begin to consider mapping your key phrases.

And with greater than 6 billion searches a day worldwide, how are you aware the place to start out?

It’s about discovering the deepest, darkest, secret corners of the person’s search intent to search out “the right stuff” in a bowl filled with “meh’s.”

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That’s the place this text is available in. I’m spilling my prime software picks for these seeking to enhance their website positioning repertoire.

When you’re ranging from sq. one and don’t wish to seem like you stumbled out of 1997 with key phrase stuffing, learn on.

What Individuals Search For

The place do you search for information tales or trending matters?

There are such a lot of wonderful instruments that assist website positioning entrepreneurs make sense of what folks search for and why.

They might help reply questions like:

When ought to I write an article?

Would this text carry out effectively?

Who would learn this text?

How do I discover these solutions?

With some ah-mazingly superior free instruments.

Listed here are 45 of my favourite instruments that may assist website positioning noobs (or anybody actually) uncover what persons are looking for and why.

1. BuzzSumo

BuzzSumo is certainly one of my favourite instruments due to its Content Discovery resolution. It lets you search by matters Trending Now.

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And you may filter by 1 hour, three hours, 6 hours, 12 hours, and 24 hours. Plus, you possibly can filter by matters.

So, if the standard authorities hoopla isn’t one thing you wish to tie your key phrase analysis software, simply filter it out.

Or, you should utilize BuzzSumo like Kelsey Jones, Editor-In-Chief at Neil Patel, who makes use of BuzzSumo, says:

“I love using Buzzsumo because it not only shows me what type of content is popular on social media, it also shows me what publishers and my clients’ competitors are writing. The interface is also really to use, and I like being able to sort by date and number of social shares. To me, BuzzSumo is worth the cost for both content marketing and keyword research.”

BuzzSumo does provide a free model, however you possibly can improve for $99 a month if you wish to get alerts on particular matters and all the opposite items Jones talked about.

2. SEMrush

That can assist you discover what persons are looking for round a specific subject, simply kind in your key phrase or phrase and watch the magic occur.

SEMrush will pull phrase match key phrases, associated key phrases, and natural search outcomes.

Hung Nguyen, Advertising Supervisor at SmallPDF, shares:

“My favorite free SEO tool is SEMrush – specifically the Organic Research tool. As a standard SEO tool, you can quickly pop in a URL, and SEMrush will show all the keywords ranking for that one page. However, what makes it unique is the “SERP” choice (underneath the Positions tab), which is obtainable for each single key phrase. This selection shows a “snapshot” of the SERP web page for that key phrase, underneath one particular nation. It’s essential to not solely monitoring the rankings of your key phrases but in addition analyze how Google shows your web page on SERPs. As an example, you might have a Featured Snippet, however the picture connected is of a competitor. You could be rating within the prime 10, however Google solely shows the primary eight outcomes. Generally, FAQs might bump your web page down even additional. Google can be testing out how you can view pages, e.g., with our with out model logos. And because of this this software is so nice – you possibly can then return to the drafting board and reprioritize fixes to your website positioning cleansing.”

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The founding father of Name Outside, Laurie Wilkins, shares:

“Utilizing the Key phrase Hole Software lets me see how my web site is rating towards different rivals who’re concentrating on the identical key phrases. By doing so, I can see key phrases they’re rating for that I’m not so I can focus my efforts on concentrating on the identical. This data is extraordinarily helpful in creating campaigns and content material methods so my web site can rank increased in SERPs.

Moreover, I can use Key phrase Hole to establish which key phrases prime rivals rank extremely however with little promoting competitors. I can leverage that by creating an advert marketing campaign to realize extra site visitors on my finish. One factor I really like concerning the software is it exhibits cellular and desktop key phrase outcomes. If we’re attempting to rank extra for cellular customers, we are able to shift our deal with that data to get higher rankings.“

Paid customers have extra options, and the professional model begins at $99 per 30 days. However, you possibly can nonetheless use the software without cost when looking for concepts.

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three. Reply The Public

Answer The Public is another favorite of mine and comparatively new to the scene in comparison with different instruments. It makes use of searches from Google and Microsoft Bing and has a large database that may predict what searchers are going to ask.

The interface is what makes this software certainly one of my favorites. Whereas it’s a key phrase analysis software, it shows a lovely visualization of knowledge.

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I had an opportunity to talk with Casie Gillette, Senior Director of Digital Advertising at KoMarketing, about studying what kind of content material folks search for and why. She stated:

“We spend numerous time search outcomes, trying on the sorts of content material and what the engines are exhibiting. It’s robust to grasp the intent and establish developments with out that data. I additionally spend a ton of time with SEMrush and a few question-based instruments (e.g., Bloomberry or Reply the Public). I really like the question-based instruments as a result of they scour locations that persons are speaking about particular matters – it provides you actual insights into a distinct segment, and I at all times find yourself discovering one thing new.”

Chief Advertising Officer of Surple, Sean Oldfield, shares:

“My favorite free SEO tool is Answer the Public. You simply enter a topic of your choice, and the tool returns hundreds of awesome keyword ideas based on what people are searching for. It’s especially useful when you’re struggling to find long-tail keyword ideas to write about on your blog.”

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Reply the Public is free, and you’ll export the information to a CVS or Excel file.

four. Fb

Fb is among the most accessible free instruments for found related matters.

Plus, lots of people get their information from Fb.

Fb, in itself, is its search engine. In early 2013, Fb expanded Graph Search to enhance key phrase analysis.

5. Twitter

Twitter is one other free software I really like to make use of earlier than creating content material.

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Twitter’s Discover part makes use of an algorithm to push developments which are decided primarily based in your location and who you observe.

You’ll be able to flip this off by choosing a trends location in two steps:

Click on Change in your developments field.

Choose Change so as to add a distinct location.

Altering your location is tremendous useful should you’re specializing in native website positioning.

Ashley Ward, the company speaker for SEMrush, has an attention-grabbing manner to make use of Twitter to search out developments. She says:

“When there’s a trending conversation going on, there’s a hashtag attached to it and can easily be found on social media networks like Twitter and Instagram. Half of the time, I’ll just head to Twitter and Instagram and start researching the day’s top-performing hashtags to see what all the hype is about and then follow the conversation. This type of method makes for great blog post topics and is incredibly useful for content marketing.”

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6. YouTube

YouTube is usually recognized for its cooking videos and exercise movies, nevertheless it additionally offers a trending video part with the intention to see what’s widespread on YouTube proper now.

You can even take a look at YouTube Tendencies weblog. It takes a take a look at developments occurring on YouTube and what’s occurring on the planet round us, like tracking the solar eclipse.

After you establish what’s trending on YouTube, you possibly can evaluate the matters to your YouTube analytics.

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When you can tie the trending movies to your area of interest, it creates a chance so that you can add a video with a powerful potential to rank on YouTube.

7. Pinterest

In November 2016, Pinterest launched Explore as a characteristic for Pinners to find what’s widespread on Pinterest.

It makes use of an algorithm to create personalised pins of that day primarily based on search developments. You can even browse as much as 30 completely different matters.

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Whereas Pinterest created this to supply advertisers extra natural choices, it’s a reasonably wonderful software for brainstorming content material concepts.

eight. Ubersuggest

Ubersuggest is Neil Patel’s new freemium website positioning software that lots of people are speaking about.

Andrew Cunliffe, Co-founder of Second Fiddle, shares:

“Ubersuggest is by far certainly one of our favourite website positioning instruments. The simple to use Chrome extension provides you perception into key phrases which are working in your particular market to adapt and enhance them whereas gaining an edge in your competitors. This in the end helps us improve the visibility of our shoppers and drive site visitors to their web site. Even higher is that with the reverse engineering of rivals’ website positioning and content material marketing technique, we spend considerably much less time curating content material that folks gained’t entry and even learn. Ubersuggest is tremendous straightforward to make use of, you merely kind in a site or key phrase to get began, and it offers you with every part that you must know to win the sport of website positioning.”

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And, Tess Robison at Cash Executed Proper, makes use of Ubersuggest as a result of:

“Ubersuggest has a free version and a paid version, but the free version works perfectly fine for almost anything one would need to do. You can search tons of keywords that will show you the difficulty of the keywords and who the top ranking competitors are for those words. It also offers up suggestions of similar keywords related to the ones you’re trying to target. The whole platform is super helpful for SEO and marketing purposes and is my favorite tool.”

9. Screaming Frog

Screaming Frog has been my go-to supply for technical website positioning audits and on-page optimization for the final ten years.

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It’s a free software that’s tremendous insightful as a result of it crawls your complete web site to search for gaps in your website positioning technique.

And I’m not alone.

Cameron Dunn, Director of Paid Search at SQRD Media, shares:

“Screaming Frog is the inspiration for any website positioning work. With Screaming Frog, I can see, in a matter of minutes, an in depth understanding of the “nuts and bolts” of any web site. I’m capable of see all the metadata that’s being collected by search engines. I can rapidly see what’s working, however extra importantly, what must be improved to make sure the location is optimized for search engines.”

Nick Farnborough, Co-founder at Clavis Social, says:

“As SEO becomes more important for small business owners, finding great free tools becomes a higher priority every day. Screaming Frog dives into the technical side of SEO with its free SEO crawler. The SEO Spider tool can be used to find and fix all manner of Technical SEO errors, including broken links, audit redirects, sitemaps, site architecture, and more. The free plan is more than enough for most people, just starting with SEO, and it easy enough to manage after watching their tutorial videos.”

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10. Ahrefs

Much like SEMrush, Ahrefs is an all-in-one SEO tool that guides you thru a web site audit, monitor your rivals, construct your key phrase analysis, establish top-performing content material, and far more.

Bruce Harpham, SaaS Advertising Guide, admits that Ahrefs is his favorite free SEO tool stating:

“This free tool offers a snapshot of several key website metrics including domain rating, number of backlinks, number of links domains and follow vs. no-follow patterns. I use this free tool multiple times per week to assess different websites from an authority and SEO perspective. It is just a glimpse of the data that awaits you if you sign up for a full Ahrefs account.”

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And, Katie Fellenz, Head of Advertising at Belief and Will, shares:

“This is most likely to be one of the most common tools to be recommended, but I seriously could not live without Ahrefs. It has so much functionality and useful features that other all-in-one SEO tools might not have (although others have features Ahrefs does not have). It’s also very simply laid out and easy to navigate compared to other similar tools. Most notably, I find it most useful for backlink analysis, estimated traffic value, and research on competitors and our site.”

11. Yoast

Yoast SEO might be probably the most used website positioning plugin for WordPress customers. It makes the technical aspect of on-page website positioning, not-so-technical.

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Yoast website positioning guides you thru writing meta titles and meta descriptions, nevertheless it additionally permits customers to decide on the canonical tags, construct sitemaps, and a lot extra.

Madeleine Seah, website positioning Specialist at New Age Polish, shares:

“The Yoast WordPress Plugin is a free SEO tool that helps you optimize your website and blog posts. This feature can help you improve rankings on search engine results pages and increase traffic to your site. One of its best features is its XML sitemap generator. This feature helps generate a sitemap for your website and automatically updates it whenever a new page is added to your website. This saves you time by eliminating the need for manual updates.”

12. GTMetrix

GTMetrix is a free online SEO tool that analyzes your web page pace efficiency.

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With web site pace being a prime precedence for SEOs the previous few years, it’s very important to know the place your web site stands.

However, the important thing to run a number of exams and experiment with completely different pages in your web site. Your efficiency will change all through the day relying on customer depend, so be certain that to check.

13. Key phrases In every single place

Key phrases In every single place have develop into a favourite of mine the final 12 months or so. Key phrases In every single place enable key phrase analysis to be proven straight within the search outcomes like beneath.

William Chin, a Internet Guide at PickFu.com, agrees with me. He says:

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“It’s a free browser extension that may append search quantity for key phrases on each question that you simply run (which is superior). This has saved me a ton of time as I’m frequently doing key phrase analysis. It’s at all times working within the background, so there isn’t a configuration wanted!”

And, so does Didier Bizimungu, Digital Advertising Director at Webtivity Advertising & Design, shares:

“It doesn’t get any better than Keywords Everywhere. It’s a browser add-on, so no need for me to visit a specific website to get it to work. It works right in my Google results. It includes keyword volume data as well as an estimated cost per click estimate. It’s robust, and I love the number of choices in offers even for some obscure keywords.”

14. website positioning Search Simulator by Nightwatch

SEO Search Simulator by Nightwatch simplifies work for SEOs to see the place you rank domestically or globally.

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Nebojsa Radakovic, Advertising Supervisor for Bejamas, makes use of it for checking a number of location rankings, saying:

“When I need to check keyword results on different local Google search properties, I use Nightwatch Search Simulator which is free to use Chrome Extension. It simulates search engine queries from any location on Google properties. Let’s say you rank well on Google FR, but what about Google Belgium? Nightwatch Search Simulator helps with that.”

15. Mozbar

Moz’s Chrome extension, MozBar, is a free all-in-one website positioning toolbar that means that you can view that web page or SERP metrics.

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Kelly O’Hara, Founding father of Copy Objectives, makes use of the Mozbar each day, sharing:

“The MozBar is a free Chrome extension that you can use to quickly check domain and page authority. This makes it handy when performing link building or guest post outreach to determine the quality and authority of prospects.”

Carol Archebelle, Digital Advertising Supervisor, Foundations Wellness Heart, additionally makes use of the Moz stating:

“TheMozBar Chrome extension is a must-have. There is both a free and premium version, but the free version gives you plenty to start with. Using this extension, you can see the domain authority, page authority, spam score, link metrics, and page load times (just to name a few) of any page you view. My favorite feature is how it works on SERPs. The metrics of each result’s page are viewable, right from the SERP itself. This gives you an idea of what you’ll have to do to rank on page one for a particular keyword.”

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16. TF*IDF software by Seobility

TF*IDF tool from Seobility shares insights from the textual content by figuring out key phrases of excessive relevance that will help you rank and evaluate your content material towards rivals. You get three free checks a day.

Anastasiia Khlystova, Content material Advertising Supervisor at HelpCrunch, makes use of this free software for her content material creation, stating:

“After collecting all the keywords for the new text, you discover what other contextual words you should use it to write an exhaustive piece in the eyes of Google. You can do that with the help of Seobility. The tool allows you to research three keywords per day for free. What it does is scraping the top10 results for your keywords and showing which words are most often used. These words must be present in your future article so that Google will consider it full and comprehensive.”

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17. SERP Simulator

Mangools’s Google SERP Simulator is a wonderful free website positioning software that means that you can view your meta title and meta description in a SERP snippet preview. So, you possibly can see in case your metadata is getting truncated.

Chris Fernandez, CEO of Girls’s Well being Interactive, has the identical love for this software. He says:

“My favorite SEO tool is a visual title and description Search Engine Results Page (SERP) length simulator. It allows my writing team and I to test titles and descriptions of articles while being edited and test SERP length on all screen sizes. If your title and description can’t be seen on a mobile device, for example, you’re losing valuable click-throughs! It’s a simple, clean, effective, and handy tool that should be a part of EVERY marketer’s toolkit!”

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18. Verify My Hyperlinks

Check My Links is one other Chrome extension that I’ve stashed away in my website positioning arsenal. I take advantage of this as a solution to establish the place the damaged hyperlinks are on a web page. Then you possibly can start your damaged hyperlink constructing outreach.

Dolce Lindsey, Digital Advertising Specialist at The Childress Company, shares the identical love. She says:

“If you’re an SEO Specialist, the Check My Link Chrome extension is necessary to effectively perform broken link building strategies. By installing this extension, you can crawl through any webpage and find broken links with automation and ease. This is one of my favorite free SEO tools because it enables users to identify 404 pages without clicking through multiple links and suggesting that your web pages replace the broken link. It’s a great way to gain more backlinks, and the best part is you don’t have to give anything in return.”

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19-31. Different Social Information Websites

19. Digg

20. Reddit

21. Hacker News

22. Product Hunt

23. Growth Hackers

24. Instagram’s Discover

25. Snapchat Uncover

26. Flickr

27. Quora

28. Wikipedia

29. Medium

30. Zest

31. Pocket

When you’re fascinated by studying extra about utilizing social media for key phrase analysis, you would possibly like this guide on SEO & Content Strategy.

32. Google Autocomplete

Now, I wish to give in to some Google-related instruments. Google has achieved effectively to present you little hints of what folks search for.

I spoke with George Freitag, the website positioning Progress Supervisor at Certainly.com, and he explains:

“Some of the best tools to research topics for SEO are from Google itself. Google Seach Console lets you know what topics people are already looking for when they arrive on your site. In contrast, Google Trends, AdWords, and even the related topics and autocomplete searches found right in Google search pages can give you insight on the kinds of topics people are looking for elsewhere on the web.”

So, with that stated, let’s check out a few of Google’s free instruments.

First up, Google Autocomplete. Google Autocomplete is a superb software for locating the very best variations of your main key phrase phrase.

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Simply kind within the Google search field, and associated phrases will show in a drop-down checklist.

You’ll be able to then manually choose the long-tail key phrase phrase you wish to use or decide a mixture of phrases.

33. Google Individuals Additionally Ask

The Individuals Additionally Ask part is one other free software to make use of when starting your key phrase analysis.

After you kind in your key phrase time period within the Google search field, scroll right down to see completely different variations of your key phrase time period.

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You’ll be able to choose the drop-down characteristic to increase the content material. I usually use these phrases as Headers in my physique copy, which is beneficial should you intention to attain Featured Snippet standing.

34. Google Searches Associated To

Google additionally affords a piece on the backside of Google search outcomes referred to as Google Searches associated to.

When you scroll right down to the underside of the search outcomes, you’ll obtain as much as eight recommendations which are best to make use of for key phrase variations in your content material and key phrase analysis.

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35. Google Information

Google Information pulls in headlines from information websites worldwide and shows content material tailor-made to your pursuits like most of the different search engines.

I like utilizing Google Information as a result of it presents native pursuits and international information in an easy-to-use interface. You simply click on on the headline and go on to the web site that printed the story.

36. Google Alerts + IFTTT

Google Alerts is much like Buzzsumo, besides you possibly can have limitless alerts without cost. When you’re looking for a specific subject or competitor, you possibly can set-up Google Alerts to return to your inbox because it occurs, as soon as a day, or as soon as every week.

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I wish to pair my Google Alerts with IFTTT recipes. I take advantage of this recipe so as to add my Google Alerts to a spreadsheet. And, this one to push Google Alerts to Slack.

37. Google Search Console

When you’re fortunate sufficient to have entry to Google Search Console, you will discover an entire heap filled with key phrase analysis and content material marketing concepts.

To see what kind of keywords users are searching for to search out your web site, pop over to Google Search Console > Search Site visitors > Search Analytics. When you’re right here, you’ll see an inventory of key phrases which are getting some traction.

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Borislav Yordanov Ivanov, Senior Technical website positioning at Finest Response Media, makes use of Google Search Console as a result of “it provides information directly from the source (Google) for the most important aspects of a project: current penalties, page speed, mobile adaptability, inaccessible pages and resources and many more.”

Need to dig a bit of deeper? You’ll be able to take a look at my Google Search Console guide.

38. Google Key phrase Planner

I like to make use of this software when beginning to transfer into my key phrase mapping, however some entrepreneurs wish to begin brainstorming with Google’s Key phrase Planner.

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Like Katy Katz, Director of Account Technique at Advertising Recent. She says:

“I use a combination of tools to find popular, relevant search terms for content. There are so many great ones now it’s impossible to pick one! I still like starting with the Keyword Planner to get an idea of search frequency. Once I have that, I dig into how people are using those terms and work to identify related opportunities.”

Everytime you resolve Google’s Key phrase Planner is finest for you it’ll enable you to make clear which key phrases are attainable. You wish to discover that candy spot of excessive search quantity with low competitors.

39. Google Knowledge Studio

Google Knowledge Studio is a reporting software that connects to Google Analytics, Google Search Console, and different resources like SEMrush.

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Casey Dawson, Content material Specialist at On-line Optimism, shares:

“Google Data Studio is one of the best free SEO tools available. Through Data Studio, you can build a fully interactive SEO dashboard for tracking organic traffic and search trends in real-time to make more accurate forecasts for your business or clients. You can also upload information and files from over 200 data sources (including various Google platforms and partner connectors like Moz), allowing you to easily compare data from different sources. If you’re uncertain of how to start using Data Studio, there are also free templates made specifically for tracking SEO with this tool.”

40. Google Tendencies

With Google Trends, you possibly can rapidly view prime tales or charts.

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And, you possibly can search and evaluate particular key phrases in three fast steps:

Kind in your key phrase within the search field on the prime.

Click on evaluate, then kind in your second key phrase.

Alter the dates if wanted.

Google Tendencies additionally helps you discover nation knowledge and associated queries, which can assist information your key phrase technique.

Dan Morrison at Aimclear says:

“I frequently turn to Google Trends to understand more about the changing landscape of search behavior. Google Trends provides real-time data that helps marketers understand trends for keywords, and also serves as a place to source related keywords and concepts for deeper content development. Also, Google Trends provides a historical view for analyzing dips and valleys in interest, filters based upon location, and compares different terms and concepts.”

And, Adam Lumb, Website Supervisor at Cashcow, shares:

“My favorite free SEO tool is Google Trends as it provides you with insights that most other SEO apps don’t. Instead of focusing on search volume, Google Trends tells you when a keyword is popular over the year. This is great for finding keywords that people are searching for then and there (such as viral content), but it’s also beneficial for finding seasonal keywords that other SEO tools can struggle with. Thanks to these insights, I make sure to use Google Trends as part of my keyword research strategy.”

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41. Google Sheets

Google Sheets is my favourite software for website positioning audits. The perfect half? It integrates with Add-Ons like Search Analytics for Sheets.

Steven Jaenke, Founder & CEO of Digimark Australia, shares:

“While not strictly an SEO tool, my favorite tool for SEO is Google Sheets. Most of SEO is about execution and keeping track of that execution is essential – that where Google Sheets comes in. We record the technical issues and mark them off once they are resolved. We record on-page issues and market them off as well. We record each link that has been created, keeping details about URL, Anchor Text, and Focus Keywords. It’s so versatile that we can mold it into anything we need it to be.”

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42. Google Analytics

Google Analytics is among the most useful belongings you should utilize to search out what persons are looking for in your web site. Google Analytics has a web site search performance to trace what customers kind into your web site search.

Caitlin Pyle, Proprietor, and Founding father of Proofread Anyplace, loves Google Analytics:

“Obviously, I love that it’s completely free! I also love that it’s very user-friendly and that I’m able to view the data in various forms that’s easy for me to understand. The detailed, customizable reporting tools are also great for helping me see what’s going well and where I need to improve.”

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John Howard, CEO at Coupon Garden, agrees with Caitlin, stating:

“My favourite free website positioning software is Google Analytics. The explanation why Google Analytics is my favourite is that this website positioning software makes it attainable for me to understand how the guests of my web site had been capable of finding my web site and which pages and hyperlinks are accessible to those that go to my web site. Realizing this data might help me higher enhance my methods to extend the site visitors my web site will get.

If you wish to study extra, take a look at my guide on Google Analytics.

43. Web page Velocity Insights

Google has achieved rather a lot to enhance their Web page Velocity Insights. In 2018, they incorporated Lighthouse into Page Speed Insights knowledge to assist add extra efficiency metrics. It’s THE selection for my web page pace insights and cellular optimization.

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44. Lighthouse

Lighthouse is free to make use of should you’re utilizing Chrome and Chrome’s DevTools. It’s an open-source automation software to view the efficiency, high quality, and correctness of your web site. It’s best for cellular web site pace audits.

Trending Subjects

As a newbie, you’ll additionally wish to keep up-to-date on the newest trending key phrases. So, I’ve put collectively an inventory of among the finest articles on prime searches.

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Featured Picture Credit score: Paulo Bobita

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