#also I just realized that I used insane I mean like as negative but I don’t mean to say that people who are labeled insane are negative or

[okcoolthanks]

I am a horrible influence. Someone will say they don’t want to go to their class and I’ll be like “then don’t” and they look at me like I’m insane

[maddragon15]

Obscenely late hermitaday day #23 & 25! - Impulse & Tango

Was this meant to be a simple cel shaded drawing on the 30th? Yeah, yeah it was lmao but somehow the power of fire excels at overtaking the rendering capabilities.

But since it's late I'll use this as excuse to ramble below about well, the headcanons and the process down yonder. Also there's variations.

(Also just realized that the compression is high with this one, please click on it to see the details pretty pleasee)

So! Let's talk about that haircut shall we? First off Tango's haircut is basically just me slapping my very neglected oc's haircut onto him lol. There's no function usage or any other lore about it, literally just I wanted to use that haircut more. But Miners and Crafters that's not all! The intensity of the flame actually has meaning believe it or not.

Since Tango in the headcanons is already a nether born blaze hybrid the redstone kinda didn't have an effect on him. This is because blazes produce glowstone which is a power source onto itself. He gets minor effects instead which is a mild (there's literally no other word) high, a intensified hair flame and a brighter eye night shine. Negative effects include mild joint & jaw pain, and a small localized headache behind the left eye.

I like to imagine that other blaze hybrids' hair flame aren't normally that intense, not white-hot heat but rather more red n orange hot similar to the flats. Mainly due to the fact that glowstone is not as powerful as redstone and it's also dependent on how strong a blaze is. Now imagine with me that blazes determine how strong each other are via the color they're emitting. Now remember the blaze boss Minecraft had a vote on to add or not to add? What if Tango is constantly mistaken as a high ranking blaze because of how intense his fire is and he doesn't get attacked a whole lot except for the few that want to challenge him. Meanwhile Tango is just highly infused with redstone like all the other redstoners and he doesn't know what's happening half time as seen by his terrified scream-laughs /hj

He's also semi modified with redstone for the pure purpose of comms just like the other redstoners minus mumbo. I also would've leaned into the steampunk aspect of this season but I figured I'd do a character sheet like etho for all of the redstoners and finalize the aspects on those.

Onto Impulse!

I like to imagine that Impulse was a regular human and over the course of redstone exposure he gained pointed ears and horns. For what reasons? I have no idea but redstone works in mysterious ways and mutates on whatever happens to be in their system. You may see that he has purple lines across his face but then red pupils, why is that? Well since he's cyperpunk themed this season he modified his redstone implants to be rgb. He can change everything else except his pupils because those are deeply affected by redstone and would require surgery to remove the build up of redstone. Will any of the redstoners ever actually get rid of it? No but you can beg all day.

You also might be wondering what's happening in their ears? Well those are the advanced comms that are actually used across all hermits except the ones who've opted out for glowstone variants. They kinda work like bluetooth except more hermit-magic way. I haven't had time to fully think of how it'd work down to the circuitry (that's my usual process for headcanons before I ship them out) but I'll post about it when I think of the full layout. Other design aspects on impulse are derived from his skin and the poster design by applestruda!

Process wise for this piece was kinda a rollercoaster heh. I had started this piece a while ago (can't remember the day on the dot) and then I got insanely busy during the last week of hermitaday. I had done sketch, refined sketch and flats in two days. Then events proceeded forth and we arrive on the 4th which I tried for an entire day to figure out how to render this piece. I then gave up and tried again the day after and pulled up references this round on Pinterest. Tango was surprisingly easy to paint with ref and went rather fast. I will admit the entire time I was rendering him I did say every minute or so "I love you man" because he was turning out so good. Halfway through I then realized I still had to render Impulse. That's when I pretty much ended that night because it was already 5 am working on Tango and demotivation was setting in fast. The next day I was able to continue with hesitancy on Impulse but I managed to keep on keeping on and in the early hours of today I finished up the piece. Where I'm now writing about it close to 2 pm in a restaurant. Man though it was kinda hard to make Impulse and Tango look like cohesive and as if they were painted together.

Enjoy!

(Side note I applied for inprint and if I am to be accepted this will be available along side the three different eefs I've drawn and doc.)

[moonrisecoeur]

gratitude — leon kennedy

author’s note: i don’t love doing taglists bc it’s kind of tedious but a couple people asked to be tagged so i’ll tag them in the comments of this post! please send asks/write comments/add tags to reblog if you liked this! that would be wonderful!

wc: 3.6k

content: sub!leon x fem!reader, sugar baby leon, mommy kink, orgasm control, pegging, hickies mentioned. leon is 21 reader is ‘slightly older’.

warnings: mentions but not depictions of financial abuse, dubcon, and prostitution (seen in a negative light; we support sex workers here)

this is a birthday gift to angel! @angelofwoe go give her some love :)

—

5. 4. 3. 2. 1…

incoming call from ‘leon ken(nedy)’

accept or decline?

you look over at your phone while you’re waiting at a red light, driving home from work. you smile, like clockwork, leon calls you at exactly 5 pm each day, and most of the time, you’re coming home. to him. the thought still makes your heart jump a little bit. leon is waiting at home, your home, and now his home too, for you.

he’s waiting for you.

god, your stomach does somersaults. he’s perfect.

you answer the call, clicking it on and waiting for it to connect the two of you, “hello?”

“hey!” he says, and you missed his voice. you smile softly at his enthusiasm, “what should i get and/or make for dinner? don’t know if you trust me to cook in your kitchen unsupervised yet…”

“i would let you,” you say, looking out the window, “though maybe i’d stop by a cafe for dinner on my way home.”

“hey, c’mon now!” he tries to defend himself, but he laughs, god you’re obsessed with that sound, “okay, okay, fair. i get it. really, though, what’ll it be?”

you think for a second, and you realize that leon doesn’t really ever get a choice, he just goes along with whatever you want, “hmm… why don’t you pick, baby?”

he goes silent for a second, “you sure?” and when you make a sound of approval, even though he gave you a chance to back out, he sighs, “fine. don’t say i didn’t warn you when we’re eating chicken nuggets tonight.”

“wow, what fine cuisine, leon,” you smile.

—

“wow, what fine cuisine, leon,” he smiles at the sound of your teasing voice. he can’t help liking you. i mean, how is he supposed to not like you? not only do you take care of him, buy him nice things, but you’re also so fucking pretty? what the hell?

“anyway, i’ll see you soon, baby. miss me a little bit, but not too much, okay?” you tell him, breaking him out of the daze that is listening to you talk. he feels bad that he wasn’t really paying attention to what you were saying.

“y-yeah. i’ll see you at home,” he stutters, quickly hanging up, clutching his phone to his chest. home. your… home. god, this was bad. he was going to go insane one of these days if you didn’t stop being so goddamn perfect.

leon had this preconception forever ago that sugar daddies and mommies and whatever the hell else were always old, decrepit people who gave you money for basically doing your best not to gag when you see them naked. people you take advantage of, who you give your body to in exchange for being able to afford anything. it’s an exchange, sex for money (no, sex for power). which would make him a… prostitute? he doesn’t know. he doesn’t want to know.

but god, you are so much more than that, practically his dream woman. sure, you’re a little older than him, but it’s not like girls his age are soft and sweet with him like you are. they expect so much, they expect him to be the perfect boyfriend 24/7. he could do it, sure, but it would be an act. a desperate act of manipulation for him to get what he wants.

what does he want? well, that’s the tricky part. he tries not to let on too much how intensely this one thing affects him, even with you. it would be too much power to let you have over him, and you already have way too much.

truthfully, you… leon doesn’t like to think about it, but you could take advantage of him if you really wanted to. he’s so used to such an easy lifestyle, he can’t go back to struggling and barely paying his bills. you really could use him for the one and only thing he has to give you whenever you please, and it’s not even that he can’t stop you, because he knows he’s stronger than you, but he knows you could dangle your financial control over his head and he would be at your feet, on his knees in an instant.

he doesn’t know why he even bothers to think about it. he knows you’re not like that. hell, he looks at you with half decent puppy eyes and you’re sending him more money just because he looks cuter than usual today. if anyone is the master manipulator here, it’s him, not you. you have only pure intentions, and leon appreciates that even if he can never 100% trust it.

—

leon is a weird sugar baby. he doesn’t ask for things, he doesn’t use up all of his allowance, he doesn’t beg you for every shiny thing that catches his eye. he’s simple, not demanding, not exhausting you of every last penny in your account.

not that you would… really care? leon could do anything, absolutely anything, and you’d forgive him. he doesn’t need your forgiveness, not for the sassy little jokes he makes, not for the way he awkwardly says the wrong thing at the wrong time in conversation. leon was easy to forgive. easy to adore.

but, that's off topic. you try not to think about how lovable the pretty thing was. too easily you could get lost in him, never make it out alive.

he’s not demanding, he just uses your money to pay for his rent and take care of himself, his bills, his utilities and groceries, stuff like that. or well he used to use the money to pay for his rent, but now that he’s moved in with you, he doesn’t even have that expense anymore. he might treat himself and buy himself a little something small he normally couldn’t afford. the rest he’ll save.

can you blame the guy for being so cheap? he finished the police academy, but the job he had lined up fell through. so what is he supposed to do? work a minimum wage job? serve tables until he dies or his body gives out on him? sue him for wanting better for himself.

and so… he met you. he had no intention of using you.. at first. but even now he feels bad. he truly can’t get on board with being a sugar baby, he feels like he’s extorting you. you have to tell him each and every time his bank account number skyrockets that you will always have enough to continue your lifestyle, what's the point of just having the rest of it sitting around when you could be giving it to a pretty little thing like him?

still.. sometimes leon feels awful. can’t help it no matter what you tell him.

he just can’t really afford to say no to the money, because now he has all of his debt paid off and an emergency fund and a savings account for fun trips to take you on and another one for expensive gifts to buy you as a small, tiny, miniscule thank you. it’s only one part of how he really shows his gratitude. you’ve given him a better life than he could ever give himself, and he will never forget that.

how else does he show his gratitude?

–

you make it home, and immediately see the containers of chicken nuggets on the kitchen counter. you chuckle, again, endeared by leon’s choice of cuisine. it was what he wanted, after all, and you always let him have whatever he wanted. it’s so representative of him. they’re inexpensive, perfect for someone so frugal like him. they’re a comfort food, easy on the stomach, they’re delicious, and that’s probably all of the comparisons you could make between chicken nuggets and leon kennedy before you burst out laughing in delirium.

“oh thank god you’re home…” he says softly, reaching to grab your bag and your coat to put up so you can sit down, “i’m so glad you’re back, you must have worked so hard today.”

you lean in to press a quick kiss to his lips before doing so, and he’s immediately left dazed after just one little half-a-second long kiss. his eyes follow you as you collapse on the couch, “yeah, it was a long one. just glad to be back with you, baby.”

his heart aches for you as you sink into the couch, exhaustion present in your entire demeanor, seeping off of you through the cracks in your composure.

he knows what’ll make you feel better. or at least… he hopes he does. if you’re not in the mood, he’ll just laugh awkwardly and try to play it off.

he takes a deep breath in, bracing himself for the awkwardness that always comes with saying this word, “…mommy,” he whispers, and he immediately has all of your attention, suddenly all that exhaustion in your soul is replaced by an intensity that he can’t quite understand.

one word… and you’re already losing your composure? he didn’t know he was that good.

“baby…” you coo back to him, almost warning him. as if you’re saying, if you start this, you better be ready to see it through.

“wanna help you… feel better, mommy…” he says, his fingertips brushing against your thigh. fucking tease.

you always look at him like he puts the stars in the sky, but now? you’re looking at him like you want him seeing stars.

“you sure?”

“positive,” he mumbles.

again, this is all he has to give you. his love, his soul, his… body. he doesn’t want this to be transactional, sexual submission for money. he’s not a prostitute, but he genuinely has nothing else that even comes close to the value of gifts and money and just fucking everything you’ve given him.

you don’t ask for sex too often, even when he knows you’re horny. you’re so obvious but so understanding that your kinks and preferences are a little foreign to him. in his defense, he’s had one girlfriend right before he met you and she was the most vanilla person in the goddamn world. genuinely he could have switched positions on her and she would have thought it was too much.

“take me what you want from me, mommy,” he whispers, and yet for someone so inexperienced, he does it so well.

so well that you can’t help pouncing on him, pinning him underneath you. he feels your gentle yet firm grip on his wrists, the way your hair falls in front of your face as you hover on top of him, and he just has the softest urge to tuck it behind your ear. he can’t, but he wishes he could.

he doesn't get the chance to think about it much when your lips find his neck and he is immediately melted by their softness, their gentleness that makes him want to just break down and sob. he just wants to be treated softly, just wants to be held down and kissed like you’re doing right now.

“please,” he breathes, ironic because all you do is steal his breath away. your lips touch just over his subtle adam’s apple as you switch sides, pressing kisses into his neck, collarbone, and shoulder. he kind of wants you to bite down, leave red and purple aching bruises covering his neck, make him shudder and tremble with every love bite.

he knows you won’t.

“i don’t damage what’s mine,” you’d said once, and it left him dizzy. so casually asserting your ownership over him like that had his cock twitching in his pants. you very quickly learned to take advantage of his affection towards your possessiveness. you have to be subtle and you can’t do it too much, but every once and a while, you take your opportunity. you make your small little comments, you add ‘my’ in front of a pet name, you eye him like a piece of meat (intentionally being obvious so he’ll notice), etc.

your possessiveness is even better if it’s sort of objectifying. he might just like it more.

he wishes he could touch you, but what would it even be for? if you wanted him to make you feel good, you’d have shoved his face between your legs, tangled your fingers in his blonde hair, moaned as he ate your pussy while looking up at you with those pretty blue eyes, so full of an emotion you wanted to study in detail. it couldn’t be love, there’s no way. you settle for something else, even if it’s less satisfying.

devotion.

—

and even with your cock buried deep, deep inside of him, stretching him open and filling him up entirely, he’s still got that same glimmer of devotion in his eyes, but that’s irrelevant.

it’s irrelevant because he’s a desperate mess of a man right now and it’s all you should be concerned with, “mommy, fuck, please, i—”

“say you belong to me, pretty boy,” you groan in his ear, his body shivering and trembling at the pleasure that’s about to hit him. he’s gotta wait for your permission, though.

“yours, yours, fuck, all yours, my fucking body belongs to you, you can- you can use it whenever you want, however you want, for however long. it doesn't matter,” he cries,’s his voice raspy, he trying to keep himself together and he’s failing miserably, “fuck, fuck, god, and i- my body… i owe you my body as a thank you for- oh, f-fuck!- for your m-money, i- it’s all i can give you that’s worth anything-.”

“…yeah? you owe me?” you smirk, pressing your hand against his lower stomach, feeling the bulge your cock inside him. it drives you insane. he’s babbling about something you don’t care to listen to. something about being indebted to you, that sex is him paying you back for how perfect you are. you don’t listen. it’ll just make you sad.

“gonna give me what i want, right? because you owe me,” you say. sure, you felt bad, but you never said you were pure good. you’re entitled to leon and everything he could possibly give you, aren’t you?

he tries to speak, but your cock always makes him as stupid as can be. he tries, oh he tries, to respond, to say yes, i’ll give you everything, i’m all yours to claim and keep forever, but the sounds come out as jumbled moans out of the back of his throat. he gives up trying to talk, clearly that’s beyond him now, and communicates his feelings by holding your waist gently, his fingertips pressing against your skin.

he moans out absolutely pathetically as you thrust in and out of him, keeping him held down with your hands pushing down on his shoulders. his body contorts to your will, his soul too. you could do anything to him and get away with it, with him in this beautiful headspace.

he’s gorgeous like this, and you take a moment to admire him. glassy, distant , tear filled eyes, sweaty blonde hair, skin little with small marks of whatever lip product you use. god, he’s nothing less than fucking perfect.

if only you both didn’t have responsibilities in your everyday lives because the only thing that could make him prettier is if he was like this every single day, fucked out of his mind, desperate, stupid from the pleasure of your cock pushing firmly against his prostate.

“gonna cum, baby?” you ask maliciously, knowing he didn’t have enough of his mind working to even register the question, “gonna give yourself over to mommy? live in her home, let her keep you as a pet? couldn’t leave her even if you wanted to, and you definitely don’t.”

he looks for an out as his eyes shift up at the ceiling, still somehow finding it in himself to be shy.

“look at me,” you growl, one hand moving to his face to cup his cheek, fingertips brushing against his jaw. he obeys, making weak eye contact, blinking the tears away from his eyes, “ask me for permission to cum.”

cruel? yes, because the most his stupid mind can come up with to say is that pretty name you make him call you, “m-mommy…”

you remember him looking at you confused, almost a little uncomfortable, when you said you liked that name. it definitely tracks, you’re his sugar mommy… and you expect him to call him mommy. not exactly revolutionary, but his hesitancy to do so is what makes these moments truly special. earlier, he said it intentionally, mainly to get your attention and get you riled up, distracted from work and responsibilities.

but now? he truly can’t help it falling past his lips. every time he says it, or more accurately moans it, he feels even more attached to it, attached to you. he’s imagined saying it more casually, in everyday conversation, but he could never get over how humiliating it felt.

you graciously let him call you by name most of the time, something he has been endlessly grateful for.

but in this headspace, leon can’t think of a single other word but mommy.

“c’mon, sweetheart. won’t get any easier to think with mommy’s cock deep inside of you. mommy can wait all night sweetheart, but i’m not sure you can.”

he can’t. he knows he can’t cum because you haven’t given him permission, but he can’t ask permission if you keep saying things that make him dumber and slower. he can hold off his orgasm for a while when he tops, he’s gotten decently good at that, but with your cock filling him up like this? he would be lucky if he lasted another minute.

“fuck- ah, mommy… m-mommy, plea…. please…” he breathes heavily, trying so damn hard, it melts your heart how badly he’s trying for you.

“please what, baby? you know i’ll say yes, just ask mommy what you want.”

wet cheeks and trembling lips from him make your heart ache for him. you’d give him anything.

“c-cum, mommy?…. c-can i…?”

you nod, biting your lip, almost more excited than he is to watch him fall apart, “mhm, ‘course, baby… let go for mommy, i got you… here…” you say, taking a hold of his cock to jerk him off through his orgasm to get everything you can from him, milk him for all he’s worth. his body tries to give you everything it can.

his eyes shut tightly as he gives you the loudest moan probably… ever? you’ve never heard him cry out like that, and you wish you could have recorded it to go back and hear it again. his voice breaks, and he takes a sharp breath in, holding it as his muscles tense and spasm until he’s left achy and exhausted and filled to the brim with pleasure.

“awhh…. so cute, baby…” you mumble, “c’mon, give me all of it, don’t make me make you cum again. if it’s anything like the first, you might just pass out, sweet boy.”

“ah… oh, oh my god,” he breathes heavily, twitching, “mommy… mommy, i- mommy, please… please, mommy,” he can’t stop thinking about it. mommy is all he can think about like this.

he cries, literally. the kind where you can’t help sobbing and sniffing and you curl in on yourself in a desperate attempt to self soothe. you half expected it; leon usually cries after more intense sex. he doesn’t know why, but usually he’s embarrassed of it and tries to hide it. he must just be too far gone right now to care.

you pull out, earning a desperate whine that makes you want to rail it back into him, balls deep, watch him squeeze his eyes shut tightly and him scream in pleasure, but you restrain yourself. he's crying right now. even though he would technically consent, he wouldn’t really want it.

you take 30 seconds to clean both of you off, and those 30 seconds are tortuous to him, even if you’re praising him the whole time.

that’s it. his greatest weakness. praise.

no, your praise.

to be told he’s good, to be told he did a good job, to be told you’re proud of him. he sobs as he soaks in your praise like a sponge. he wants to listen to your sweet words every single day for the rest of his life. you whisper to him how he’s perfect, everything about him is, how you adore him, wanna give him everything so he’ll stay with you forever, etc.

in his defense, he has absolutely zero control over what he’s saying right now, but he looks up at you, with tear-filled, red eyes, his bottom lip trembling just slightly, “you don’t have to give me stuff… i’m always gonna be yours.”

and it hits a nerve you haven’t felt in a long time. maybe it’s the subspace he’s in, or maybe you’re reading the situation wrong, so you don’t push it, but something inside your heart feels… off.

to put it bluntly, he shouldn’t be yours. he should find someone he could really love to spend his days with. there’s no reason for leon to stay with you if you stopped giving him money, paying his bills, and taking care of him. at least, there shouldn’t be?

oh, unless…

–

a couple hours later, you’re sitting at the kitchen counter with him, eating cold chicken nuggets and giggling about whatever you were watching on tv. leon looks at you a little differently than usual right now, his eyes softer, fonder than you’re used to. his eyes carefully track your more animated hand movements as you passionately explain something about this show. he has no idea what you’re talking about; he just likes hearing you speak.

he kisses the corner of your lip when you jokingly ask if you have anything on your face, which turns into a full kiss that leaves him a little breathless, that feeling of excitement and nerves returning in his stomach.

yeah, he thinks to himself, pure, unadulterated beauty.

as you kiss, he pulls back to look into your eyes, looking at you as if you held up each individual constellation for him, with a godly reverence that would almost turn you on if the moment wasn’t weirdly romantic.

“baby…?” your voice sounds shaky and unsure, and he doesn’t miss your lack of composure.

maybe that was a good thing. a sign.

he chuckles, “nothing, mommy… nothing at all.”

[https-lawrenceslittleone]

Caregiver Katsuki Bakugo Headcanons

A/N: Hey!!! This is my first like. Writing related post. In a WHILE. Sorry about that!! But please feel free to request anything, I’m kinda bored. :P

Warnings: Minor swearing but I think that’s it ???

Bakugo is very aggressive. We all know this. Pretty much all the time, he’s aggressive and seemingly angry. And this does not waver or change, even when you’re regressed. So if you’re super sensitive, he probably wouldn’t be the best for you.

However, that’s not to say he doesn’t care. Quite the opposite, actually. He would die for you and actively goes out of his way to protect you.

Oh, he would get SO mad if anyone ever said anything remotely negative to you about your age regression. He wouldn’t even try to reason with them or have a debate he would straight up just tell them to kys 💀 (me core)

He does better with toddler or kid regressors, but baby regressors are fine as long as they can tolerate his naturally rough and callous behavior.

He did not know what the hell age regression was before he met you. Honestly, I feel like he’d come off as judgey at first. He doesn’t mean to, it’s just how he is. But then he’d go and research it a bit and realize that it’s not anything weird or fetishy and is instead a healthy coping mechanism.

He’s a little hesitant to be your caregiver at first. He says it’s because he isn’t sure if he wants to focus on anything other than training right now and being a caregiver is a lot of responsibility. That’s partially true. But it’s mainly really because he’s afraid he won’t be good at it and will just end up hurting you and potentially ruining one of your only healthy coping mechanisms.

It takes a lot for him to be able to open up to someone and take care of someone like that, but eventually, he does it. And he finds he enjoys it. He finds your little antics and your dependency on him really adorable.

He’s not embarrassed or ashamed that you age regress. I feel like nearly half of class 1-A regresses so it’s not unusual at all for you two to be in the common room, you sitting on his lap with a sippy cup in hand.

Sets you up on play dates with Kaminari and Mina all the time. He wants you to have fun and interact with other littles. Plus, they’re his friends and their caregivers are his friends too.

Takes a little bit to get used to nicknames as well. But finds he likes parental nicknames a lot more than he thought he would.

The first time you called him dada was something he will never forget. You were half asleep, snuggling in his chest, when you realized you were thirsty. You lazily grabbed his shirt and gently tugged on it and went, “Dada…juice…?”. He immediately knew what you wanted and he gave you the juice. He didn’t even register the nickname until a few seconds later and was really shocked. He didn’t say anything about it in the moment, though. He talked to you about it when you were big again and he clarified that he was okay with it and it didn’t make him uncomfortable.

Midoriya and Kirishima are his go-to babysitters. Mainly Midoriya because he’s more responsible than Kirishima. But Midoriya can get busy quite a lot. And Bakugo’s also a little anxious about you possibly liking Midoriya more than him, although he would rather die than admit that out loud lol.

He can cook. This is canon. This mf can cook like a 1950s housewife it is INSANE. He makes all your food for you, especially when you’re little. He likes taking care of you, even if he won’t really say it.

If you’re like me, and you tend to have really bad rage episodes and outbursts when you’re overstimulated or upset, he’s got you. He knows how to deal with that. He’s got a punching bag in his room that he lets you beat the shit out of if needed. He can make you laugh too. You’ll be beating the fuck out the punching bag and he’ll pretend like it’s a real person and say shit like “YEAH‼️‼️‼️ BEAT HIS ASS‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️” and it makes you giggle.

Surprisingly okay with physical affection. You wanna cling to him? That’s fine. Just listen to him if he tells you to get off of him. Respect his boundaries and don’t get in the way when he’s doing something important and it’s cool. 🙏

[getoed5725]

about Gojo, Geto, Shoko, loneliness and love

spoilers for 220

written by my local monkey friend that i got permission to translate! don't take it as actual fact though, this is from our overall perspective from reading the latest chapter.

===========

In Shoko's memory, there's an image of Gojo with the loosed white bandages, who said "I won't let anyone be alone (独り/hitori) anymore" so you can see, the memory is around a year before the main events of jjk (~2017), and the time when vol 0 occured.

Speaking of vol 0, there was a scene at the beginning when Gojo was talking to Yuuta when he received death sentence by the higher ups, he said something similar: "But being alone (一人/hitori) is very lonely?"

They (独り/一人) have they same pronounciation (hitori), but 一人 is to count the number, and 独り is the state of being lonely. For example, you are in a room with 10 people => you're not alone (一人), but you can still feel lonely (独り). Basically, you can be surrounded by many and can still feel lonely. And in chap 220, what Gojo doesn't want his students to go through anymore, is being lonely (独り). on top of that, he used もう誰も (no other (person) anymore) which means Gojo himself had to go through that state, or he witnessed someone else going through it.

What Gojo wanted is "I won't let any other person be lonely anymore", not "I won't let anyone be lonely", meaning he doesn't want the PAST to reoccurred, so it's not him just being kind out of goodwill or anything. The reason for it is to make up for the past he went through.

Back to the subject individual of "being alone" state, Shoko, as one of the 2 people in Gojo's beautiful 3 years of youth, has given the right answer: "Truthfully, being in love (愛/ai) with either of you guys (オマエら/omaera) is something that will never happen even if the world falls down. But I was there (with you) too, what do you mean alone, you idiot. There's this bunch of monsters waiting for you to come back".

Gojo himself never mentions who is the individual behind that "loneliness", himself or someone else, but Shoko can immediately realize what he means. And that is because she links "being alone" with "you guys" (オマエら) (Gojo and Geto), and at the same time thinking about them during school. A Geto Suguru who felt alone with his spiral, with the insane ideals that he thinks no one could understand; and a Gojo who felt alone even though he stood among many peers and comrades because he lost the feeling of standing side by side with someone equal during his "first and last blue spring".

Next, we need to pay attention to the word "love" (愛) that Shoko uses.

Shoko uses 愛 (ai) when talking about her relationship (or lack thereof) between her and her two friends. In most cases, this word means romantic love, and it is heavier than the use of like (好き/suki). She is denying to hell and back that never ever in this life that she has feelings for them ("even if the world falls down"), but she "was there" too. It means she admits that she cannot provide (romantic) love for either of them, but she is still there for them as a friend. So, it would be stupid that you can't escape the feeling of loneliness, cannot escape the past.

The above sentence is suspicious, I must say. If you wanna show that Gojo's not going to be lonely with friends and students by his side, then this whole panel and confession of NOT being in love with either of Gojo or Geto are completely unneccessary if you really think about it. And if you want to show that you understand no one can replace a "bestfriend" for Gojo like Geto, then the word "love" is also not neccessary. Not to mention she uses 愛. Yuta uses that word for Rika in the battle. Yorozu said she will give Sukuna this bc she truly loves him.

So why does Shoko use such a term in the negative tone? Why does she want Gojo to know that friendship can also erase loneliness, not just "love"? Isn't it because in Shoko's eyes, Gojo feels that he has lost his "love"? During that 3 years of youth, Gojo never felt lonely because Geto was by his side. So when Geto left, no other person could help Gojo escape that feeling of loneliness anymore. In other words, there's no reason to bring up the idea of love if it's not to underline that it is what Shoko sees in them. Hence the panel is from her POV: it is only Gojo and Geto in that panel, after all.

Shoko confirmed herself. That even though she was "still there", even though "a bunch of monsters" were there surrounding Gojo, he still can't let go of the past, he still thinks that he's "lonely" all this time. "What do you mean alone, you idiot. I was there too". Yes she was there too. Even though she was there. Gojo cannot escape loneliness because Geto has gone. That is the reason why Geto is, and still is Gojo's "bestfriend, the only one he has".

In conclusion (tl/dr):

1. Gojo has not moved on

2. Gojo's current dream/ideal (not letting anyone alone, not letting anyone take away the youth of the young children) is because he wants to make up for the past

3. Shoko knows she can't provide them what they yearn for to truly feel happy when they were together (愛/love), but her and the students can give him care and support and companionship, so he shouldn't said that he's lonely

4. Gojo with Geto by his side is a Gojo who is not lonely

==========

I didn't expect to get more insight into Shoko's POV of the whole ordeal, but I'm glad we did. Shoko's denial of being in love with them isn't just there for no reason. There is no reason for her, of all people, to bring such a topic up under such circumstances: the children are going to fight to the death to save him and others. Shoko is also calling him out for thinking he's been alone, even though her and others are there for him. Which is... very sad to me. Geto is such a huge loss to Gojo, such an irreplacable existence, that when he's gone from this world, he made a huge void, and Gojo keeps gazing into that void, thinking he's lonely. He doesn't want anyone to be lonely like that, when Shoko calls his bullshit out because he has friends!!! He losed his love, and Shoko can't bring his love back, but she and the kids are there to support him in other ways too!!

I'm not saying this perspective is correct and canon, but it just makes so much sense that way for me. Gege has been playing the vague game about Gojo and Geto's relationship since v0, what with the mysterious last words, and now this mysterious love from Shoko's POV. I just love Satosugu and how Gege builds their relationship.

[melonteee]

Zoro’s “she’s a woman” is also very funny to me, but after re-reading Skypeia I *think* I understand the vision behind it, even if the execution might’ve been clumsy.

Back in Jaya when Robin and Zoro are searching for the South Bird, there’s a brief scene where Robin criticizes Zoro for indiscriminately cutting down random critters, to which Zoro retorts that it’s the critters’ fault for getting in his way before reiterating his distrust for her. Despite this distrust, however, Zoro does seem to take Robin’s criticisms to heart as he stops uses the bladed end of his sword on critters in Jaya and mostly avoids using his swords on animals in Skypeia.

Which also creates an interesting parallel to Enel, who shares a very similar opinion to the one Zoro held in Jaya. Hell, some translations of Zoro’s response to Robin have it along the lines of “it’s their fault for challenging me” which is almost verbatim what Enel says in the arc about his “lambs.” And despite Enel insisting that he is an Equal Opportunity Vengeful God, there are scenes before the ones with Robin where Enel’s treatment of women is framed as predatory, in a way that also parallels how the Celestial Dragons are portrayed as treating women later, which also colors the way that Enel specifically attacks Robin also being predatory and motivated by misogyny. So I *think* Oda’s intent for Zoro was seeing his past attitude in Jaya reflected back at him and ultimately realizing that just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you *should* while also using the scene to comment on how god complex’s are often used as covers for bigotry.

But, even so, Zoro’s line is a clumsy summary if that’s the case. The Doylist explanation is that Oda has always struggled when it comes to threading the needle that is “how to convey female fighters are as strong and capable as the male fighters without also inadvertently endorsing real life gender-based violence” and sometimes this results in clumsy lines like Zoro’s. But my personal Watsonian head-canon is that the Plinko Horse in Zoro’s brain didn’t fire up fast enough to coherently summarize 45 chapters of character development, which results in him spitting out what sounds like a complete non-sequitur.

I respect this but my interpretation of it was Zoro does have an internalised misogyny, which is proven to us in Punk Hazard. He admits he doesn't like to nor wants to fight women to Tashigi, and Monet backs him against a wall because of it. He thinks it's dishonourable to target women as a man, and considering his dojo dad was from Wano, and he was raised with Wano ideals, AND he was raised in an all male dojo, it makes tons of sense.

I know a lot of people are confused about this because of Kuina, but his mentor said TO HIS FACE "I am a woman, you are a man. You will be stronger than me." How in the world would Zoro, at his baby age, not internalise that in some twisted way? Especially coming from the person he looked up to. It feels like it's commentary on the fact misogyny is taught, it's not just a natural born thing, and it ruins ones own perception of self and lives around them.

Zoro was quite literally raised in a male dominated space, where ONLY men were trained and told they were the strongest - it has been programmed into him. The thing is, this is written to be a NEGATIVE thing. This isn't me pointing at Zoro and calling him a piece of shit, this is me saying it's a FLAW Zoro has, and it's clearly one he must get over. The strongest swordsman in the world can literally not afford to look down on women as weaker, because I HIGHLY doubt Mihawk does that. Tashigi calls him out for it, and it's very obvious this is an internalised issue Zoro doesn't LIKE that he has.

Why in the world would Oda make Wano openly sexist towards its women, refusing to let them fight, and THEN reveal Kuina's family is quite literally FROM this country - hence WHY Kuina's dad was so insanely sexist. Of course this is going to become commentary on Zoro having to overcome taught beliefs, especially considering Zoro is one of the few Strawhats who has never actually fought a woman. Not only did he not actually touch nor fight Monet (he just scared the shit out of her), but he also took zero shots at Big Mum on the rooftop lmao. He fought her homies but not her, physically - not even once. There's clearly something going on there, and it's Zoro (and Sanji) specific, cause literally NO other male strawhat has a problem fighting women or seeing women on the battlefield (once again, apart from Sanji, and that's possibly a parallel).

I say that last part because yes Oda has sexism in his writing, but every time I hear Zoro's 'woman' line is just Oda being Oda, I want to tear my hair out. Otherwise EVERY male character would act like Zoro towards women, and they quite literally do not LMAO

I don't know why this is the hot take it seems to be, because I LOVE Zoro, but it's clear there's something going on with him in regards to internal prejudice. I think it's because, as a Sanji fan, there's an irony to saying all this lmao. But of course, I do not mean for any of this to be negative, because I am excited to see if this side of Zoro actually gets explored. Ie Zoro defeats misogyny and sexism HAHA

[onceinawhilemoon]

tonight's insomnia is brought to you by:

in the ending where mycroft narrates the aftermath, he briefly mentions how one of his agents’ vehicles was ignited during a surveillance operation..

mycroft then says, “there's only one man who could orchestrate such a feat - or perhaps two.”

i'm pretty sure one of the "two" is M. him being responsible for something like this is my personal canon and just makes sense. but the way mycroft says it right after talking about sherlock and how he's afraid for him, and right after saying, "i suspect he is growing paranoid," drives me insane. the way it's phrased seems to suggest that mycroft is referring to sherlock as one of the two men who could have been responsible, and that seems to be what led mycroft to suspect sherlock was growing paranoid..

but why would mycroft even suspect sherlock, and why would sherlock even do such a thing?

"she was lucky to get out alive" implies the incident was pretty serious and could have killed the agent and whoever was inside the vehicle with her. i doubt that sherlock would intentionally endanger people's lives like that..

and why would he even go out of his way to sabotage mycroft's operations in the first place? unless this “surveillance" operation was actually a “keep an eye on my brother and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid” operation. and when sherlock realized that he was being followed/watched, he set fire to the agent’s vehicle to protect himself and scare her off, perhaps thinking she was sent by someone he antagonized in cordona?

i've spent more time than i care to admit squinting at this screenshot depicting Mystery Man Around the Corner. M would definitely hire someone to do the dirty for him, but sherlock is more of a hands-on kind of person, right? i mean... the hairline kiiiiiind of resembles sherlock's, i guess? maybe? if you squint? i'm probably just seeing things at this point..

what further firms my suspicion that the "two" is in reference to sherlock and M, is how the phrasing seems to play into the idea of them being equals. the idea of only two people possessing the same level of intelligence and cunning, who have access to certain information, and who are capable of knowing exactly when and how to intercept mycroft's operations. M, who seems to have consistently stayed at least one step ahead of mycroft, and mycroft's own brother, who knows him a little too well and shares his brain genetics, who is also familiar with many of his agents, some even by name.

i love this ending because it's the only one where we get a glimpse into Sherlock After Jon from a perspective that isn't sherlock's. he's lonely, he's likely paranoid, his brother is worried about him... all of it contradicting the other endings in which sherlock tells us that he's fine and has moved on with his life.

so the whole fire incident thing and mycroft’s line about who could have been responsible could be a way of hinting at the negative consequences that jon's loss is having on sherlock. now, without jon to course-correct and reorient him, he's more prone to (extreme?) paranoid reactions such as this. though i'm not sure if i like the aspect of going to the extent of jeoprodizing lives... (also, funny how the loss of what sherlock perceived as his "irrational" part probably caused HIM to act in irrational ways..)

it gets even sadder when you think about it from mycroft's perspective, especially with him saying, "i saved my brother. he will never forgive me" right after he mentions the fire incident. if he truly believes that sherlock could have been responsible, then it would not only sprout worry and confusion, but also send him into a spiral grappling with conjectures, because what if sherlock WOULD go out of his way to deliberately break mycroft’s trust? what if it's an act of retaliation because mycroft broke HIS trust by lying to him to save his life? but mycroft attributes it to paranoia, possibly because he doesn't want to fully lose faith in his little brother and their relationship yet, but most likely because he's resignedly too aware of their family history...

from mycroft's perspective, even if sherlock truly did it, he had to have been driven by something out of his rational mind, rather than by mere spite or a desire for revenge. and mycroft doesn't hold it against him because he knows that sherlock only did it to defend and protect himself from a perceived threat. instead, he fears for sherlock and his mental health because the last time someone close to mycroft took action against a perceived threat in a fit of paranoid delusion... well, we all know how that went..

anyway. i'm choosing to end the ramble by rolling down the brighter side of this hill: mycroft dropping hints about his awareness of M in this ending (and his knowledge of M in TA in general) implies to me that sherlock taking jon's advice and swallowing his pride to ask Big Bro for help regarding M is most likely very canon. weeee :')

[drawingoddessy]

Hyper-analysis of Lightbulb season 2 episode 12

Part 2

And cue escapism.

She sees this and most likely got reminded of the game back home.

She literally recoils.

But then she shakes it off because in this reality she doesn’t have to worry about that. She’s willing to stay here forever. The lyric “I’m finally feeling free” insinuates that this is the first time she feels not trapped in her role.. Maybe doing this challenge 2 seasons in a row, with growing tension and emotions makes Lightbulb feel trapped within her persona of “the silly one”.

More escapism!

This entire song just talks about how Lightbulb is finally happy with the reality she made. It was her escape from the stressful life of competing. Here she no longer is the only one thats impulsive and unserious. Unlike how in the reality she's in where she is surround so many different personalities, where she clashes with her friends and fails to connect with others due to her "oddness"

But here she won't ever fail at a relationship, not if they are all like her.

After the song we cut to Lightbulb talking to the Inanimate Insanity Infinity. We see Lightbulb attempting to confide in them.

This is first time (to my knowledge) that we rlly see Lightbulb vent to others. She probably never wanted to vent to the others because she didn’t want to show her more sad side. Maybe she doesn’t think they can cheer her up? But these people are just like her, so maybe they’ll know how to?

Until they start spewing nonsense to her.. mirroring how Lightbulb usually attempts to help. This shows her directly how her methods are percieved by others.

Yk how I said they’re just like lightbulb? Well.. they do miss one thing.

Testtube can also symbolize Lightbulbs own logic and emotional side (and vice versa, the arc’s parallel).

Eliminating the logical, emotional ones can possibly symbolize exactly what Lightbulb does to her own negative emotions. She purges them only allowing the silly ones to stay and be present.

They get snapped to Elimination, the thing Lightbulb hates.

As much as she wishes to stay in this ideal world. She sees Testtube in danger and she goes to put a stop. This is when Lightbulb tries to gently and lightheartedly stop them because that’s what she’s used to. This can also be her actually trying to be serious but struggles to do so.

This is the best place to talk about what I mean when the contestants miss one thing..

They miss Lightbulbs negative human feelings. The ones Lightbulb doesn’t want to have. But remaining 2 dimensional and unemotional make the contestants off and inhuman. Did she really want to be like that? So positive all the time to the point shes inhuman? This is how she is seen by the other contestants, overly happy, unserious.

She then realizes.. sometimes goofiness needs a balance and gets serious (in her own way). She tries to be serious-

-But they keep laughing.

LOOK AT THAT FACE- anyways I feel like another problem Lightbulb has is the fear of not being taken seriously due to her abnormal nature. And this is apparent in this one frame. The face shows as if she was proven right. They won’t take her seriously.

Testtube begins to get angry at lightbulb for her nonsense just like Paintbrush.

She begins to feel a negative emotion and instantly redirects it to something funny, because she probably now thinks that Testtube won’t take her seriously like everyone in here. That and

Another instance of people thinking she’s just nonsensical idiot that stumbles into solutions.

Ok so a bit to unpack. So it’s shown that Testtube struggles socially but we see that she’s better at emotional connection (shown in future episodes more of and later in this episode) Meanwhile Lightbulb tends to be social but struggle with emotionality. Lightbulb tries hard to understand and comfort others when in need but tends to not be good at it.. She does try. And contrary to Testubes belief, she fails, a lot. Evident in her relationship with Paintbrush. People find her insufferable, and she knows it. Another reason to escape to this future.

Onto the solution! This entire solution is a projection of how lightbulb began to see herself with paintbrush.

Paintbrush was the one that tried the hardest and “took care” of competition for the team (like how they say salt does to anger pepper)

Lightbulb sat back and goofed off.

Paintbrush was the evident leader of the group even though Lightbulb was the designated leader.

And in lightbulbs point of view that’s what she thinks others viewed her as, a parasite that latches on.

Previous part ———Next Part

[darkpoisonouslove]

Imagine having the same colour palette as your Ex-lover aka enemy aka the person who wants to subjugate the entire magical dimension and wants to destroy everyone you care about.

You mean one of the greatest design decisions of all time?????

It's almost like they're implying certain things about the characters (or well, Griffin at least since he was always wearing that same outfit but she made some changes to her wardrobe) if you believe this shared color palette was intentional. Which... how are you going to invent almost the exact same color palette accidentally and for the same show, for characters who not only interact, but used to be partners? This does not sound like a coincidence at all. So then we're left with the question of what was going through Griffin's head when she switched to his color scheme after the final battle on Domino.

Take a look:

Her first outfit from when she actually worked with Valtor is purple but it is a completely different shade from his purple and there's no red in sight. In fact, her hair color is closest to any of the colors he wears, particularly the shade of his pants and vest.

Later in her battle outfit from SotLK the purple is almost completely gone, replaced by a light blue that turns into very light purple that's barely present in her outfit during the show. Seems like she was trying to escape from her association with Valtor. Except for the cape that is starting to suspiciously remind of Valtor's coat as it is mere shades away from being the exact same color.

And then:

MA'AM?????? Did you steal his clothes????????? Is this some elaborate ritual of mourning - making yourself a living, walking shrine of this man you betrayed?!?!?!?!?!?! It's almost like she said "I cannot bear the thought of there not being any part of Valtor left in the world. Guess I'll start dressing in his colors to literally wear the memory of him and that would be the way the entire world sees me, forever."

Oh, they were insane for this!

P.S. My headcanon is that she started wearing gloves because she hates the mark she's left on the world. Sort of like a subconscious impulse to stop leaving her fingerprints over everything she touches because she's done enough harm. And the gloves are light purple aka the only color that she wears that isn't also part of his color scheme. So it's like she realizes the negative impact their relationship had on all the rest of her interactions with the world which is why she's trying to distance herself from that in order to stop making the universe a worse place. But not only is her color scheme his color scheme but he also wears gloves so that's just another similarity (if only on the surface).

[austinslounge]

I honestly tried to like Kaia, I truly did, but I can’t stand this shit anymore. Her desperate attempts to be popular, seem interesting and ”deep” are driving me insane at this point. I know it’s probably not her fault, but her parents’, they made her this cringy attention-seeker after all. I can’t understand what Austin sees in her other than her family’s connections or just a plain PR agreement. She has no personality, she always tries to gain popularity by copying her mother(or people she’s dating). It’s funny how she doesn’t even look that much like Cindy, sure, she’s beautiful, but Presley literally stole Cindy’s face. Her attempts to seem intelligent are also miserable. I’ve never seen any of her book club readings, because for me, most of her book recommendations are just airplane reads, but I’ve seen many people say that even when she’s talking about books, it seems scripted and staged. Like someone just gave her a summary and she retells what happened in the book, that’s it. I mean, what intelligence? She never even bothered to take basic acting classes. Her comments about nepotism speak volumes too. During the pandemic she bragged about having dinner reservations and partying with her friends. Her merch is awful. With all her money and resources, she could have made some really good stuff, but why would she?Her small insane fan base will pay 50$ for an ugly white shirt with a caption either way. She’s desperately clinging to anyone who can give her even the smallest amount of fame, her following people and then unfollowing them if they don’t follow back. The way she was clinging to Austin hardcore in July, dragging him away from his fans, when he wanted to interact with them. Her stupid cake for his birthday. Don’t even get me started on how she makes out with her female friends constantly or throws herself on her male costars or short SNL guys. I don’t know why I feel so annoyed and disgusted by her all the time. I swear, this girl spoils my excitement for Austin and his work every fucking time. Nepotism is not always a bad thing, there are talented nepo babies, but she’s like the epitome of everything I hate about nepotism. I don’t know how she can rub shoulders with people who actually have talent, get invited to all these awards and red carpets. Kaia had plenty of time to prove that she’s worth something, she’s been in the industry since she was a child, but no. Why would she prove anything? Her mother is Cindy Crawford, her father is a millionaire worth 400 million, her boyfriend is Austin Butler. I just wish she will go away finally. No matter how hard I try, I can’t warm up to her. Sadly, looking at the state she is now, you can clearly tell that the girl has issues, but sadly,having no brain,she can’t understand that she’s a tragedy about to happen.

💯

Girl! I wish I could give you an award for this post. You basically hit the nail squarely on the head with the many various reasons why a lot of us in Austin's fandom don't like this girl! I'd be saying the exact same thing if Austin were dating another woman just like this. I'm actually verrry surprised that people haven't called Kaia out on her very obvious clout-chasing by now.

I'll be honest, I never really cared for her even when she was dating Elordi. I don't hate her, she's just meh to me. Always has been. So my thoughts and feelings about her are not about Austin. It's more so about what I've observed about her over the years.

Her dating Austin just makes things even more unbearable though -- especially when you know that he could do so much better. 😩 But hey, it's his life, not mine!

When I realized they were dating however, I really did try to like her too, or at least give her a chance. I saw that Austin was with her, so I was trying to be a "good fan"and see what he may see in her. But last year, I started seeing more and more negative things that I just didn't like about her.

I really don't have much to add to this wonderful post, because you basically touched on the many various reasons why a lot of AB fans don't really care for her. I also think she makes Austin look cheap with her weird behavior and interests. 👀 She really cheapens his brand imo. But that's a topic for another day lol.

[uselesslexbian]

bottoms (2023) sentence starters.

we've looked like shit for years, and we are developing.

we're finally hot. at least, according to me.

nobody's going to want to fuck me this year, just like nobody wanted to fuck me last year or the year before.

i've been building tension.

i'm playing the long game with her, okay?

what the fuck happened to her?

that made me so sad. what?

i don't need this negative, really sad attitude. please.

what the fuck are you wearing?

nobody hates us for being gay. everyone hates us for being gay, untalented, and ugly.

oh my god, she ate shit is what happened.

she ate literal shit? what the fuck?

or did you get beat up again?

yeah, we went to juvie.

i don't want to say it, but we're fucked!

why do you always have to flirt with other women?

it doesn't count if they're not in high school.

would you like a safety ride?

i'm sorry that i looked at mrs. reilly and lightly grazed her left tit, alright?

don't talk to me, you ugly bitch, okay? i do not talk to girls in overalls.

okay, i might be ugly, but these aren't overalls.

you're being really mean right now.

i heard you, like, beat up my boyfriend last night?

maybe i SHOULD buy a gun.

what? don't buy a gun. nobody said buy a gun.

guys do that all the time, okay? that's the point of feminism.

that's not the point of feminism. you also don't care about feminism.

why would you lie to me?

so you killed a girl?

i know how to take a punch.

i was thinking, if they were coming at me with, like, swords and, like, knives, and like, guns and stuff, and you taught me how to punch like that, then i wouldn't die.

can i be honest? you're a person who's not coping with what's going on.

sometimes, when you have a new hobby, don't show up.

that's my favorite way to be an ally. you just say you're doing something, and then you don't do any of those things.

my dad left me, and i'm incredibly punctual.

i'm gonna finally reverse-stalk my stalker.

i'll be able to kill my stepdad.

i love talking about my trauma.

i literally jack off after every single therapy session.

yeah, well, all women are hot to me.

we had to just, like, fight people, sometimes to the death.

i still hear their screams at night, and that guilt will probably shackle me forever.

i realize now, i don't have to be that person anymore. i don't have to just let things happen to me.

i just get the hot people confused. jesus.

i can't answer that question, because i don't know how to read.

no, i would never cheat on you again, okay?

what about, like, a bomb? like a super small bomb. they're super easy to make.

yeah, let's do terrorism.

don't get distracted, 'cause we can be fined like $2 for this.

i really value when people use violence and raise their voices for me. it's actually one of my love languages.

no, leave the skin on his face, will you?

i'm not a fucking idiot. i just look like this.

man, i knew women were evil.

all of the blame just goes on me, then? like, none of this can be traced back to you at all?

i didn't want to do this from the beginning. you know that.

does it even matter? do you even care? do you actually like her? do you care about anyone other than yourself?

do you care about anyone other than yourself?

just find some other girl to jack off to and do nothing about.

if you don't wanna borrow firearms, then why are you here?

sorry, people didn't know you're gay?

i never had many friends, and that's sad. and as i've gotten older in this world, it's just gotten more sad.

okay, well, obviously, why would you lay it out like that? because it sounds insane.

i'm sorry for saying that you have no friends really loud in front of all of your friends.

i'm sorry for being an asshole a lot of the time. most of the time. all of the time.

that is obviously a red flag. are we not reading that as a red flag? that's crazy.

oh, now you want a bomb.

in your fucking dreams, which you don't deserve to have. when you sleep, it should just be like, total darkness.

i do want to say... i feel like you killed that guy.

we killed a lot of guys. we'll process it later.

you didn't have to start a whole fight club just to date me. you could have just talked to me.

[etirabys]

on jogging

I took up jogging 2.5 months ago. I'm going off the c25k schedule, which slowly ramps you up from couch potato fitness to being able to run a 5k. This was much more effective than just trying to get into jogging by mimicking other, fitter, joggers, which was what I did every previous time I briefly tried to get into jogging. I feel embarrassed for never having thought of this before – it's clear that 'my brain was off' in those times when I went mimicry-running.

One issue that made me get into jogging so ineffectively: I didn't realize how terrible my starting physical fitness was. I used to think I was… like… normal? No athlete, for sure, but I'm a "normal amount of miserable" on hikes (and can complete most of them), I'm an intermediate boulderer, I rarely notice activities I'm gated from because of fitness. But when I started c25k with three partners, none of whom regularly jogged, they were all significantly less winded than I was.

And for the first dang time in my life I explicitly had a thought that went, "I can run 1 minute before my body forces me to stop. My partners can run 3-4 minutes. Some people can run 30 minutes."

Once I actually had any sense of "jogging levels" it was so clear how close to the bottom I was when I started out. That gives me some hope that being much fitter will solve my fatigue problems?

I used to be able to run 1 minute, and now I can run 2. By one (terrible but also kind of reasonable?) metric, I'm twice as fit as I used to be. But a nontrivial fraction of the population can jog 30 consecutive minutes! It seems worth getting to that point to see what that does to my energy levels / cognition.

–

Also: I haven't been sticking to the c25k schedule. I go 1.5 times a week where it expects 3, and I stuck a level between week 2 and week 3 because the 1.5m->3m jump looked insane to me. I've been on that custom level 2.5 for a month. I had a mindblowing conversation with the giant and 81k yesterday where I went, yeah, I've been stuck at week 2.5 because I've felt unready for week 3. And they said, that's probably because you're not going enough.

What do you mean? I asked. I've run about a full session and a half session every week for four weeks. Isn't that the same as 3 full sessions every week for two weeks?

No, they said, surprised I didn't know this. There's an optimal timing. If you'd probably stuck literally to the c25k schedule you probably could have gone from level 2 to 3 in a week.

GYARJRGH? I said. FUSBARIJIJJLK?

(I still disbelieve the literal claim that I can go to level 3 after doing level 2 properly, but I believe them that I would be leveling up a lot faster if I stuck to the schedule)

–

Anyway, some things I'd like to say to my past self, who felt obligated to work out for fatigue issues and then proceeded to exercise very badly because there was such a big ugh field around the topic of exercise:

You do not realize how big the gap between you and even moderately athletic people is. This is good, actually. It means that the correct place to start is easier than you think.

You should try to do it like 3 times a week. Date a jock. There are some on tumblr

Consider starting this when you have positive pressure rather than negative pressure. When you're buckling under multiple joy-sparking projects and want to rise to the challenge, it will be much easier to start & stick to it than when you're an anhedonic lump who has nothing to look forward to, but knows that exercise will in theory make life better in some vague way.

[jacksfandomrandom]

~Starved~

Summary: Vaggie feels like she needs to skip meals and starve herself after she realizes she's gained weight. Charlie recognizes this behaviors and stops it before it gets worse

TW: Eating disorders!!

It wasn’t rare for Vaggie to have a cluster fuck of negative emotions. She had an insane amount of religious guilt, even though she’s now in hell. The way she viewed herself wasn’t exactly healthy. She didn’t think of herself as equal to others. She thought of herself as filth who doesn’t even deserve kindness. I mean, how could she? She’s a waste of space.so you could say that waking up to these thoughts weren’t her ideal way of waking up.

Vaggie sat up in bed and stretched, accidentally smacking Charlie who was doing the same.

“Sorry, I forgot i had them for a sec,” Vaggie apologized.

“No, no, Its okay, you’re not used to them,” Charlie assured. She slid out of bed and went to go get ready. Vaggie followed her as well.

Charlie had showered the night before so she skipped doing it this morning. So while vaggie was in the shower, Charlie did her morning routine. The thing she didn’t notice though, was how Vaggie wasn’t her usual self. Luckily they had a shower curtain so Charlie couldn’t see tears in Vaggies eyes.

As she was showering Vaggie looked down and noticed she now had a bit of a gut. She wasn’t as skinny as Charlie due to her intense training. If anything she was meaty and a bit chubby. It made her feel like shit. 

She tried not to panic as she saw it. It looked so big. How could Charlie ever like this disgusting creature? She used to be fit. The, she realized something. She had been overeating. The stress of heaven and Charlie finding out about her being an angel mustve made her begin to stress eat. She remembered all of those times she snuck into the pantry and fridge. Looking back on it, she felt ashamed. What an ugly monster she was. 

Slowly, she stepped out of the showered and dried herself off. The scale against the wall looked menacingly at her. She couldn’t take her eyes off of it. She knew it would make her feel worse but she needed to know. So, walking at a slow pace, she stepped on the scale.

178

Shit. She gained. Tears fell out of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She quickly dried them off. Not only was she hideous, but she was also pathetic.

She stepped off and went to get ready. Her wings very much needed to be preened but she didn’t feel like doing so. Why would she want to take care of something that caused others so much pain? Her wings reminded her of the things she’s done. They made her feel even more ashamed of herself. So she skipped preening them for now. 

After getting changed and drying her hair, she walked downstairs. In the kitchen, she saw Charlie was cooking something. Feeling tired and icky, Vaggie walked up behind and wrapped her arms around her waist. She was too short for her neck.

“Hey, hon, You want some eggs?” Charlie asked. 

Vaggie pulled away from Charlie’s warmth and took a look at the scrambled eggs. They actually looked really good. They had some peppers and onions in them as well as a bit of cheese. She wanted to say yes, but stopped herself.

“Um, no thanks, I’m good. Not exactly hungry just yet,” She answered nervously.

“You sure? You know Angel will devour them when he gets down here,” Charlie said.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Vaggie said. She didn’t know all that much about health, but she did know that if you eat too much, you gain, so if you skip eating, surely you’ll lose weight.

Vaggie went to sit on the couch in the lobby and wait for the rest to come down so they could begin activities. But smelling the food charlie was cooking made her stomach growl. She needed something to curb this hunger. So she began to chew on her lip, not having any gum available.

Little by little, the residents trickled down the elevator and met up in the kitchen. They seemed to be having fun and joking around in the kitchen. Vaggie felt left out and excluded but she knew that if she went into that kitchen, she'd ruin herself. 

Finally, after what felt like forever, everyone came into the lobby’s common area. 

“Alright everyone! Before we begin, I’d just like to congratulate Angel on making incredible progress. He hasn’t sexually harassed any residents at all this week!” Charlie announced.

Vaggie could barely pay attention. All she could focus on was how much better everyone else looked and acted. Angel actually had something on his chest, Charlie had the perfect body weight, and Nifty actually seemed happy. Damn, she wished she had good mental health. 

Before she even realized, she was staring at Angel’s perfect body.

“Oi tit-less, you see something you wish ya had?” He teased her. She looked away and blushed.

“Angel, I just congratulated you, don’t make me take it back,” Charlie warned.

“Fine, fine,” he groaned. She spoiled his fun.

The activity that they would be doing was going out and advertising the hotel. They would split up into groups and meet back at the hotel later. So Charlie and Vaggie walked down the streets together, handing out a couple of fliers and trying to get people's attention. This one guy from afar seemed to be eyeing them. Charlie saw him and thought he was looking to get a flyer. Vaggie however, thought he was judging them. She had her wings out but quickly put them away. She didn’t want anyone else seeing her angelic wings.

The man did come over to take a flier but then left. 

A group of people walked down the side walk that they were handing the fliers out on. They looked like teenage assholes.

“Ay, fat-ass, go fucking kill youself and free the princess from having pity-sex with you,” The group of boys burst out in laughter. Well, now we know why they were in hell.

Vaggie really wanted to spear them but just couldn’t find the motivation. They were probably right. Why fight the truth?

Charlie’s demon form came right out though and she began growling at them. They just laughed at her and skedaddled.

“Fuck, I’m sorry about those boys, Vaggie. You know I would never love you out of pity,” Charlie reassured her. Even though she knew deep down Charlie loved her, the boy’s insults felt real. 

“It’s alright, lets just go home,” Vaggie said. The sadness in her tone was incredibly obvious to Charlie that she was hurt by the comments.

“How about I take you out to lunch?” Charlie offered, hoping a date would help her feel better.

“I’m fine, can we go home?” Vaggie asked once again, a sense of urgency in her voice. She didn’t know why she was so hurt by this. Why did she feel like crying? It was pathetic. She needed to collect herself

“Vaggie, you haven’t eaten all day-”

“I said I’m fine, Charlie!” Vaggie snapped. Charlie looked hurt but also worried.

“I’ll see you at the hotel,” Vaggie walked off.

Back at the hotel, Vaggie stormed into the building. She went over to the bar and poured herself a shot before slamming it down and going upstairs. She needed to distract herself. Usually Charlie would help but she had just yelled at her. Oh shit. Vaggie realized that she had snapped at her girlfriend. Some partner she was.

She ran into her bedroom and flopped onto the bed. She hugged Charlie’s pillow. The scent of Charlie still lingered, providing a little bit of comfort.

It was about 4:45 when Charlie and the rest returned. Charlie went up to their room, knowing that was where Vaggie would be.

“Hey, You okay? You don’t normally snap like that…” she walked in and sat on the bed where Vaggie was laying.

“I know, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair to you. I was just having a bad day,” Vaggie mumbled. Charlie took off her shoes and laid down in bed too, facing towards her. Out of habit, Vaggie immediately snuggled into her chest. The princess held her as they cuddled in bed together.

After about 20 minutes, Charlie stopped cuddling her and got out of the bed. Vaggie rubbed her eyes. She was so close to falling asleep.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I have to make dinner. Everyone’s going to eat together tonight, remember?” She said, putting her blazer back on.

“Oh, right. Yeah. I’ll just stay here,” Vaggie told her. That gave Charlie an idea. She’ll make Vaggie’s favorite tonight! 

As Charlie made dinner, Vaggie mentally prepared as she dreaded suppertime. 

Eventually, Charlie called everyone down to come enjoy the meal she made. As vaggie walked downstairs, she couldn’t help but feel weird. Her legs were shaky and she felt a bit light-headed.

As she sat down at the table with everyone else, she saw the meal that Charlie had made. It was her favorite type of empanada and spanish rice. She felt so grateful. Her stomach was so hungry. It was about to eat itself. 

So when Charlie sat down and told them to dig in, Vaggie ate. It was delicious. Well, it wasn’t fully authentic but she hadn’t had food from her culture in a long time. 

Halfway through her seconds, she began to feel guilty. She knew it was wrong. Her stomach was already bloating and she felt so full. She froze right when the spoon was about to enter her mouth. She put it down.

What had she done?! She looked down at her big stomach and panicked. She needed to get rid of the food she just devoured. How? Then she got an idea. She was going to throw it up. She needed to do it right now. She was obsessing too much to have patience and wait till dinner was over.

“M-may I be excused?” Vaggie asked, panicky.

“Yes but-” before Charlie could even finish her sentence, Vaggie booked it.

“Vaggie?! Shit, I'll be right back,” Charlie told them before following her. Vaggie had already gotten a head start but Charlie knew where she was heading. To their room.

Vaggie ran up the stairs and into the room. She needed this nauseous full feeling to go away! Running into the bathroom, she grabbed her tooth brush and kneeled before the toilet. She shoved the teeth cleaning stick and made it hit the back of her throat. Not even a second passed and she heaved into the toilet, throwing a mix of rice, meats and vegetables up into the water of the bowl. she did it again and again until something pulled her toothbrush gripped hand away from her body.

“Stop!” She heard Charlie yell. She looked up from the half digested dinner in the bowl and saw her. Out of nowhere she began sobbing. Full blown ugly crying. It was so sudden that Charlie didn’t know what to do. Vaggie felt so disgusted that she needed to do this in order to feel good about herself. Charlie probably fucking hates her because of this. Just seeing Charlie’s concerned face made her want to puke, cry, and die all over again.

“Hey, hey, shh, shh, I’m not mad,” Charlie tried to comfort her. She gently took the tooth brush out of her hand and wiped it off with a bit of toilet paper before throwing it into the sink. It was pretty gross but then again, she’s done worse things with Vaggie when it came to cleanliness.

Vaggie sobbed harder. Why was she such a damn mess? She needed to be better, a protector, but her body just wanted her to wail. It felt like she was caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to do.

“Sh, shh, its okay, babe, I love you,” Charlie pulled her away from the toilet bowl and hugged her from the side. Charlie rocked her, held her, rubbed her back, played with her hair, and gave her a scalp massage until she calmed down. It took a while as Vaggie was very emotional, but that’s okay. Vaggie didn’t cry often, so Charlie just assumed it was all coming out right then and there. 

“M sorry, I don’t know why I was crying,” She said once she was finished.

“Don’t you fucking dare apologize for crying,” Charlie threatened, “but we can talk about that later. Do you mind telling me why you were forcing yourself to throw up?”

Vaggie looked down. Charlie still had a comforting hand rubbing her back.

“I-... I don’t want to look like this…” she explained, “I’m so fucking hideous. I’m getting chubby. I don’t like that! I- I- I don’t want to look like that!” She began to panic now.

“Hey, Hey, shhh, deep breaths,” Charlie instructed. Vaggie inhaled deeply and held it for a couple of seconds before exhaling, feeling much calmer.

“M- My depressive thoughts were really bad today. When I showered, I weighed myself and found out I gained weight. A lot too. It didn’t feel good and it made me so obsessive and anxious. I’ve been stress eating too and I just want to stop eating altogether so the weight will be gone,” She explained.

Charlie looked at her with a concerned, yet supportive face. She was very worried for her mental health. She new that Vaggie sometimes dealt with depression and obsessive thoughts but never knew they were this bad. She just wished she knew sooner and could help her before it got too bad.

“Look. I don’t care about your weight or what you look like. You’re beautiful no matter what. I love you for you. I know it may seem small compared to all your thoughts but trust me, you are amazing,” She took one of Vaggie’s hand’s and gave it a reassuring squeeze, “Now about what to do next, I get it if you don’t feel like eating. I won’t force you to do anything but I can help you with the stress eating stuff. Would you like that?” 

Vaggie nodded. Dealing with that would probably be healthier than starving herself but she still didn’t exactly want to eat. It’s already become sort of a habit. Twice every week she would skip two meals a day. But sometimes, she’ll stress eat and consume a lot of snacks on those days. So she didn’t like the idea of having to eat at meal times on her specific skip days.

“Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. I’m here for you whenever you need to talk about your emotions or just need to cry,” Charlie told her.

“Charlie?” Vaggie looked up at her

“Yeah?” they snuggled closer to each other.

“I love you”

[princess-of-the-corner]

Disney comics tend to have negative continuity (I kid you not, when Don Rosa got Grandma Duck as the mother-in-law of Scrooge's sister and Donald's actual grandmother as per Barks' family tree it made HEADLINES in Italy, as local authors had her as Scrooge's sister and Donald's aunt for decades)... But there's three very interesting things authors around the world all agree about Donald Duck:

Donald is a crossdresser. Not in a creepy or weird way, he just likes pretty dresses and has absolutely no problem wearing one if it's the practical solution to a problem (he once borrowed Daisy's clothes and pretended to be her twin sister because the lady had too many obligations). If one takes the Paperinik stories into account it fits with his habit of disguising himself (it's also how Paperinik maintains his secret identity, after the many times Donald Duck "revealed" himself as Paperinik disguised as Donald they all assume Paperinik just wears a Donald mask under the domino mask), but the lack of issues in dressing as a woman and even pretending to be one is a nice touch.

Donald likes strong-willed and powerful women, as shown by all the love interests I know of: Daisy has a side job as a spy for Scrooge (and Donald KNOWS), has a powerful temper, and is one of four known people capable of matching Scrooge's insane work hours (the other three being his first secretary Emily Quackfaster, said secretary's niece and successor with the same name, and his butler Quackmore); Reginella is the queen of the planet Pacificus, chosen by her people for her charisma and skills as a ruler, and when it comes to defend her people summoning a furious Donald is HOLDING BACK (the moment she realized Donald couldn't solve the current emergency and used her full power was one of the scariest things ever put on a comic book, especially for how JARRING it was to have this kind woman do what she did); Xadhoom (from Paperinik New Adventures) was elected president of her homeworld of scientists at a rather young age because she was the smartest of them all, she missed the Evronian invasion allowed by the fact her intelligence didn't mean wisdom because she was off-planet with an experiment intended to solve her world's impending energy crisis, and when said experiment gave her godlike powers and she discovered what happened to her people she assumed the name of Xadhoom (meaning creditor, as the invaders owed her a debt of an entire sapient species) and started hunting down the Evronians with the explicit intention of committing a genocide, also stopping by to help those in need (how she met Donald, she knew some of her people would have tried to forewarn Earth of the Evronian threat, found the Evronians were already preparing an invasion but were wary of Earth's nuclear arsenal, and started culling the invasion force once in a while to prevent a full scale invasion while looking for their base); Lyla Lay (also from PKNA) is the droid assigned by the Time Police to surveil our time, and is one terrifying lady; Juniper Ducklair (from PKNA's sequel) was eventually elected queen of her homeworld of Corona (yes, Donald has three love interests that have been DEMOCRATICALLY ELECTED rulers of entire planets) thanks to her sheer psychic might and the discipline she had to not brainwash anyone less powerful just by talking to them); and Kay K (from DoubleDuck) is one of the world's best spies, also skilled enough in martial arts she actually defeated Lyla in single combat (by throwing her off a roof, but she still managed to grab and throw her).

Donald is an amazing parental substitute to his three nephews. The original reason he even got to raise them was that the hellions had blown up their father and Della sent them to his house while the poor man recovered, and he, slowly but surely, turned them into good kids (though he had to fight quite the battles at time). Two alien tyrants once brainwashed them into their would-be successors, and Donald set up a revolution with the help of an Earth scientists who had been captured before him, physically destroyed the tyrants, and spanked the brainwashing away (it was a story from the 1970s). While hunting for a treasure with Jose Carioca and Panchito he was asked what he planned to do with his share, and he casually said he'd put it in their college fund (this casual admission is one of the reasons his two friends hold him in awe). And when the time-traveling bandit The Raider discovered his identity he was amazed at the kind of life and education he gave his nephews while also finding the time to fight crime and save the world and without doing anything unlawful or immoral to get the necessary money, something The Raider is uniquely qualified to judge due being a single father of one himself and his entire reason for still being a criminal being that it pays well enough to grant his son everything he needs to make himself a better life.

Curious that THIS, alongside his temper, is what everyone agrees on Donald's character...

Honestly a great character!

[puffyducks]

DCRC Week #14 (Part 1)

IT'S TRAUMA TIME BABY WHOOO YEAH I LOVE TRAUMA!!! NOT AS IN LIKE. NOT AS IN LIKE THE BAD KIND OF TRAUMA BUT AS IN PKNA #10: TRAUMA YEAH WHOOOO YEAH!!!!!

Raw asf title panel btw. You know you're in for some crazy shit.

Btw everyone this is Gorthan he's like the One singular relevant Evronian that you should know by name. That's for later but just remember that he reads Shakespeare I guess.

SNOOZER ALERT. look at his fuckass slippers.

Btw is it just me or does this guy kinda look like Launchpad. Like Launchpad if he got stuck on an Evronian prison planet I guess.

BIG FUCKING GUY ALERT!!! Also good art alert god ough the cross hatching here...

OH MY GOD IT'S THE KING FROM DARKWING DUCK

Ok so like. I can understand the gang of street Elvis impersonators. But a bunch of guys cosplaying as roman soldiers? What, do the gangs in Duckburg just do LARPing in their free time now???

I mean... can you really BLAME him for thinking you were one of the criminals...

like......

Xerbian?? haha...... uh oh

OF COURSE HE HAS A FUCKING DARTBOARD WITH PK'S FACE ON IT 😭

YEAAAHHHH LET'S RUN HIM OVER

LOVE the creative use of paneling here, having him grab onto the negative space. I wouldn't consider myself an expert on comic book art by any means, but it's always cool to see fun stuff like this!

No it's NOT plain to see, tf are you talking about 😭 what kind of gang brings in a giant fucking shredded purple guy to settle their disputes

Donald has been acting like a tough guy this whole comic but he turned babygirl real quick here

Y'know sometimes I'm hit with like a brief moment of clarity where I realize that I'm sitting and reading a Donald Duck comic about him fighting a giant alien and then having self-critical introspection about what it means to be defeated by fear. And then I'm like "damn that's crazy."

Anyways now he's thinking about getting really buff

OOH YEAH BABY BIG FUCKIN ROBOT TIME!!!

BIG FUCKING ROBOT ALIEN FIGHT YES!!! THIS IS WHAT THE FUCK I CAME HERE FOR!!! THIS IS WHY I STARTED READING THIS SERIESSS

Sorry I'll stop getting insanely fucking excited over this battle but like look at em go!!

Small detail that I really love here is the switch to the more simple paneling style for the flashback portion, reminiscent of the old comics. A nice touch :3

First of all. Rawest comic spread I ever did see. SECOND OF ALL. I think I looked at this photo like 5 different times before I realized that there's a tiny little Uno in the suit lol look at him

:0

Anyways RIP bozo + L + ratio + get Donald Ducked idiot. Trauma literally met one singular guy that broke through his mind powers and he just died instantly (or like I guess he survived and got taken back by the Evronians but like who gaf we're not gonna see him again GOODBYEEE don't let the door hit your ass on the way out)

And of course you all know what time it is... that's right... Angus Tales. yaaay... (ok Angus hate aside I actually do like the Angus Tales comics like they're pretty fun and they have a silly art style that I like)

Never speak to me like that again or I'm filing a restraining order

Why are all these people severely jaundiced

I just TOLD you bro he has jaundice. can't you read

I wanna shame him for being racist but like are any of us really surprised here

THEY MADE HIM GO TO A FURRY CONVENTION

Ok I will in fact be back again later this week to read Donald Duck Twilight. Which I specifically requested be paired with Trauma in the same week because I thought it would be funny 🦇

[ndbookstudy]

the power of now, eckhart tolle.

note: i was going to make a q&a type of post, but i just decided to copy paste the chapter questions instead!

chapter one, you are not your mind - the greatest obstacle to enlightenment.

The word enlightenment conjures up the idea of some super-human accomplishment, and the ego likes to keep it that way, but it is simply your natural state of felt oneness with Being. It is a state of connectedness with something immeasurable and indestructible, something that, almost paradoxically, is essentially you and yet is much greater than you. It is finding your true nature beyond name and form. The inability to feel this connectedness gives rise to the illusion of separation, from yourself and from the world around you. You then perceive yourself, consciously or unconsciously, as an isolated fragment. Fear arises, and conflict within and without becomes the norm.

I love the Buddha's simple definition of enlightenment as "the end of suffering." There is nothing superhuman in that, is there? Of course, as a definition, it is incomplete. It only tells you what enlightenment is not: no suffering. But what's left when there is no more suffering? The Buddha is silent on that, and his silence implies that you'll have to find out for yourself. He uses a negative definition so that the mind cannot make it into something to believe in or into a superhuman accomplishment, a goal that is impossible for you to attain. Despite this precaution, the majority of Buddhists still believe that enlightenment is for the Buddha, not for them, at least not in this lifetime.

You used the word Being. Can you explain what you mean by that?

Being is the eternal, ever-present One Life beyond the myriad forms of life that are subject to birth and death. However, Being is not only beyond but also deep within every form as its innermost invisible and indestructible essence. This means that it is accessible to you now as your own deepest self, your true nature. But don't seek to grasp it with your mind. Don't try to understand it. You can know it only when the mind is still. When you are present, when your attention is fully and intensely in the Now, Being can be felt, but it can never be understood mentally. To regain awareness of Being and to abide in that state of "feeling-realization" is enlightenment.

What is the greatest obstacle to experiencing this reality?

Identification with your mind, which causes thought to become compulsive. Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don't realize this because almost everybody is suffering from it, so it is considered normal. This incessant mental noise prevents you from finding that realm of inner stillness that is inseparable from Being. It also creates a false mind-made self that casts a shadow of fear and suffering. We will look at all that in more detail later.

The philosopher Descartes believed that he had found the most fundamental truth when he made his famous statement: "I think, therefore I am." He had, in fact, given expression to the most basic error: to equate thinking with Being and identity with thinking. The compulsive thinker, which means almost everyone, lives in a state of apparent separateness, in an insanely complex world of continuous problems and conflict, a world that reflects the ever-increasing fragmentation of the mind. Enlightenment is a state of wholeness, of being "at one" and therefore at peace. At one with life in its manifested aspect, the world, as well as with your deepest self and life unmanifested - at one with Being. Enlightenment is not only the end of suffering and of continuous conflict within and without, but also the end of the dreadful enslavement to incessant thinking. What an incredible liberation this is!

Identification with your mind creates an opaque screen of concepts, labels, images, words, judgments, and definitions that blocks all true relationship. It comes between you and yourself, between you and your fellow man and woman, between you and nature, between you and God. It is this screen of thought that creates the illusion of separateness, the illusion that there is you and a totally separate "other." You then forget the essential fact that, underneath the level of physical appearances and separate forms, you are one with all that is. By "forget," I mean that you can no longer feel this oneness as self-evident reality. You may believe it to be true, but you no longer know it to be true. A belief may be comforting. Only through your own experience, however, does it become liberating. Thinking has become a disease. Disease happens when things get out of balance.

For example, there is nothing wrong with cells dividing and multiplying in the body, but when this process continues in disregard of the total organism, cells proliferate and we have disease.

Note: The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly - you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease. You believe that you are your mind. This is the delusion. The instrument has taken you over.

I don't quite agree. It is true that I do a lot of aimless thinking, like most people, but I can still choose to use my mind to get and accomplish things, and I do that all the time.

Just because you can solve a crossword puzzle or build an atom bomb doesn't mean that you use your mind. Just as dogs love to chew bones, the mind loves to get its teeth into problems. That's why it does crossword puzzles and builds atom bombs. You have no interest in either. Let me ask you this: can you be free of your mind whenever you want to? Have you found the "off" button?

You mean stop thinking altogether? No, I can't, except maybe for a moment or two.

Then the mind is using you. You are unconsciously identified with it, so you don't even know that you are its slave. It's almost as if you were possessed without knowing it, and so you take the possessing entity to be yourself. The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not the possessing entity -- the thinker. Knowing this enables you to observe the entity. The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated.

You then begin to realize that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realize that all the things that truly matter - beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace - arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken.