#also I guess Alpharius and Omegon

[kit-williams]

Yan Corvus Coded and Yan Alpharius and Omegon too

very ghost coded

[staticymaticyyourlifeisatravesty]

My understandings of what Primarchs are currently alive and dead, what their status' are: Loyalists: Leman Russ: Running butt ass naked in the Warp, if the armour if any indication. Probably a Wulfen and horribly mutated like Corvus. Possibly could be fine. Chances very slim for him not be a mutated wolf thing with viking braids. Anyway his sons are mildly disturbed by the armour they keep finding Lion: Alive and pissed. Commits so many war crimes behind Guilliman's back. May or may not be making it his personal goal to give Guilliman as many grey hairs as possible. Roboute Guilliman: Stressed and thinks humans can't rule themselves. Asshole. Needs a break and to actually spend time with humans and actually thinking about the fact it's been ten thousand fucking years. That's impressive for an empire. Corvus Corax: Fucked up bird man in the warp. Probably learning that feathers suck to get blood out of and questioning how the fuck his white winged brother kept his feathers so fucking clean even though said brother routinely caused blood baths in life. Has probably pecked someone to death. Vulkan: Probably alive. Somewhere. Might actually be in a volcano somewhere. His death goes against his lore so who knows what the fuck is going on here. Jaghatai Khan: Also in the warp, has no idea where the fuck he is and isn't stopping for directions. Honestly he's actually existed the warp couple of times he was going so fucking fast. Probably also slowly getting mutated. Might be fine though. Probably passed a naked Leman a couple of times and is really confused by the fucked up bird thing calling itself Corvus. Rogal Dorn: Could be dead, could have a sick ass prosthetic hand. No idea what's going on with him. Sanguinius: Incredibly dead. Probably a good thing that he is. Otherwise he'd probs be a traitor primarch too with the Imperium in its current state- Ferrus Manus: Also very dead. Probably was seething mad at being killed by Fulgrim. Very likely died seething mad. Traitors: Fulgrim: Is a four armed winged snake thing. Having mad sex and doing way too many drugs. Probably also eating a lot too. And then sleeping it off because snake. Has a chunky boyfriend if Tumblr is to be believed. Magnus: Trying to rebuild, also an arrogant prick. I support him even if he's a dick. If only because what happened to Prospero was a travesty of the highest order. You go my weird rainbow nipple horned demon prince. What is your obsession with titty horns??? Mortarion: Depressed but has family. Is infected with diseases that are probably not even invented yet. Probably also not a skinny rail of a man anymore courtesy of Papa Nurgle who is a better dad then the Emperor ironically. Probably can't stand to look himself in the Mirror. Angron: Angy, so very angy. And obsessed with blood. Even if he wasn't immortal by virtue of being a demon prince, he'd probably be too angry to die. Not entirely sure if this is actually better then being dead. Lorgar: Not entirely sure, but I assume he's somewhere in the warp spreading the word of chaos like some sort of messed up anti jesus or something.

Alpharius /Omegon: One's dead, the other is alive. Which twin died and which one is alive is a damn good question. Possibly neither are even dead. Absolute bastards (affectionate). Perterabo: Grumpy old man wanting to be left alone and forge. He yearns for it. Mostly content to just make stuff and burn his skin off. Good things he's a demon now I guess. Go make stuff, have a hobby that's kinda healthy. Sort of. Konrad: Pretty dead. Saw it happen and let it happen. Probably for the best because dear god this man as a demon prince is terrifying. Horus: Also very dead. Might actually be even more dead then Sanguinius considering Horus' soul was probably destroyed.

[sharenadraculea]

Fem!Primarch Au Ideas

Lion El‘Jonson: Is sligthly better at social stuff. Which might just be that it‘s more socially more acceptable on Caliban for a unmarried woman to refuse to speak to men. Officially spends most of her time telling Luther what to say and letting him do the social things. Unofficially has a crossdressing knight-persona to go out and do stuff. It took E like three days to figure out that that knight and Lion are in fact the same person. Might keep the knight-persona even after beeing found. Also she had a habit of sending all suitors on impossible quests in Caliban‘s forests where they would painfully die.

Fulgrim: Chemos has little to no genders. Either you can work or you are dead, what‘s in your pants doesn‘t really matter. Anyways, then Fulgrim get‘s discovered, introduced to the concept of gender and is now very anxious about performing gender expectations correctly. It isn‘t working very well. Guess who might not actually be a woman

Perturabo: Kind of got attic-daugthered by Dammekos, because of course all of that were his ideas, not the ones of a little girl. Perty is not amused by this. She later is in possesion of at least half the warcrime‘s squad braincells (the warcrime squad is a found family thing Angron, Sang, Perty and Konrad have going on), provides all the artillery support for them and is the main Konrad-handler (after Fulgrim of course). I haven‘t yet decided how much they are kissing.

Jaghatai Khan: Something, something crossdressing. Might kiss Morty. That‘s all my notes so far.

Leman Russ: I‘m really not yet sure what to do with Leman, because I could just do some purely cosmetic changes and it would be fine enough. But also I could do some really drastic changes… for example if I remember correctly in viking culture (which is what I‘m going off for Leman) magic was seen as a womens thing so you know ice-witch Leman would be fun

Konrad Curze: Still wondering if gender is something you can eat. Mostly cosmetic changes, but they are a bit more mentally stable due to the support of the warcrime-squad. I‘m considering giving Konrad a decently bad case of has-the-voice-of-a-little-kid, because that would be pretty creepy.

Sanguinius: I‘m going with the „Sanguinus was a slave as a child“-headcanon I‘ve seen in multiple fics and really like. So Sang had some pretty dark stuff happen to her and overall ends up beeing much less nice and more angry, the vibe is „Vampire warlord collecting the heads of her enemies“ and I love it a lot.

Angron: Is still Angron, no big changes here except she and Sang are kind of a couple

Roboute Guilliman: Had to spend a significant of time arguing over beeing allowed into politics directly (instead of doing the proper thing of marrying some old guy, puppeting him from behind the scenes and cashing in on the inheritence). Also Konor is still alive in this au, since Rob happend to be in the senate that day and carrying a hidden sword for entierly non nefarious reasons.

Mortarion: So Calas Typhon‘s mother was drowned for having a child with a overlord (presumably not voluntarely). If people start to suspect something similar happend to Morty, it‘s gonna be very good that Primarchs are very hard to kill. Especially if people don‘t take „there never was a child“ for a answer for where the nonexistent kid is, and start spreading rumors that Morty killed or abandoned it.

And I don‘t yet really have much or anything at all for the rest, so Rogal Dorn, Ferrus Manus, Magnus, Horus, Lorgar, Vulkan, Corvus and Alpharius Omegon, but feel free to give me some ideas

[ms--lobotomy]

"Would you still love me if I were a worm,"

you asked your favorite Primarch. Here's how they responded.

LION EL'JONSON- Has to think about this for a second. Not because he wouldn't love you if you were a worm, but because he just doesn't understand why someone would ask that. "I guess?" he asks.

???- Got turned into a worm themself.

FULGRIM- "ABSOLUTELY not," he scoffs. However, should you turn into a worm, you would have the finest enclosure in the galaxy. He doesn't tell you this.

PERTURABO- It really depends on what mood he's in. If he's in a petulant one, he'd sneer at you and dodge the question. If he's in an alright one, however, he would answer honestly.

JAGHTAI KHAN- Entertains the idea for a little bit before turning it back on you. "Would YOU still love me if I were a worm?" he asks, the corners of his mouth quirking up.

LEMAN RUSS- Genuinely gets concerned that you will turn into a worm. You have to convince him that you are in no danger. Doesn't even answer the question in the first place. Bastard.

ROGAL DORN- "Yes," he replies in a tone so flat you almost didn't register that he would, indeed, love you if you were a worm. Maybe not as lavish as Fulgrim's worm enclosure, but you would have a fine one with Dorn as well.

KONRAD CURZE- He knew you'd ask this question before you went up to ask him, so he had some time to prepare for how he'd answer. He didn't. He took a couple of seconds to respond, "Fine."

SANGUINIUS- His wings flutter a bit, as he is taken aback by this question. Unlike Curze, he didn't think you were going to ask this. "Absolutely," he says, an almost excited quality to his voice.

FERRUS MANUS- "I think so?" he asks. "What. Why are you asking me this?" he continues, confused. You repeat the question with a mischievous grin. "Alright, I would."

???- Also is a worm.

ANGRON- He can barely sputter out an answer, and it's almost incomprehensible. He's feeling something that isn't bloodcurdling rage, and the nails don't take too kindly to that. But you know that he cares enough to love you as a worm.

ROBOUTE GUILLIMAN- His eyebrows quirk up, as his mind was on something else far more serious before you asked. "A worm?" he asks. His gaze softens. "Of course I would."

MORTARION- "Tch." Finds the question stupid, and you can see it in his eyes. You ask him again, exactly as you just had. "I guess..." he mutters indignantly.

MAGNUS THE RED- His face scrunches up into a confused expression. "Do you," he starts before a quick pause. "Do you WANT to be a worm?" You realize that this is a very real possibility for him.

HORUS LUPERCAL- You know that smile all too well, but rarely is it so genuine. "Of course I'd love you if you were a worm," he says, his voice booming. You've developed a skill for telling whether he is putting on politician speak or not. He is not.

LORGAR AURELIAN- Drops to your height and goes on a long-winded rant about how he would love you no matter what form you took. It's quite sweet, but you could potentially do without the religious references.

VULKAN- "Yes I would," he responds gently. "Are you worried that I won't?" His eyebrows knit and he places an armored hand on your shoulder. Now you have to convince him that nothing is wrong.

CORVUS CORAX- "Absolutely." Corvus's face was stone-cold serious, but you could see a glint in his eyes that told you that he was having fun with the question.

ALPHARIUS OMEGON- You didn't even have to ask the question. "I would still love you if you were a worm," one of them mentions offhand. Or a member of their legion. You really can't tell.

[moodymisty]

Okay, hear me out. Lorgar is horrified and grief-stricken by the loss of his daughter. The Emperor is delighted because for the first time in so many years he remembered love.

But how will the other primarchs react to the theft and the fact that they CAN still have children?

Horus will probably stare at the baby like a maniac. He also wants a child, but the Emperor forbade it. Another reason for Heresy. He is as obsessed with her as the Emperor, if not worse. Especially when the Heresy began.

Vulkan and Sanguinius. The best uncles in the world. But it is better not to approach the second one during menstruation.

Fulgrim: The only Primarch who knows how to treat women. Allows the little one to dye him and do his hair “like a princess.” Alas, it’s better not to approach the daemon prince…

Corvus Corax. Depressive uncle. Loves and adores Lorgar's daughter. But he cries constantly because she is too a product of the Warp.

Lion, Mortarion, Angron, Perturabo, Ferrus: they look in horror. They have no idea what to do with children especially from primarchs.

Leman Russ, Jaghatai Khan and Magnus: it is forbidden to communicate with them as they are risk-takers.

Guilliman, Dorn: Difficult. They seem to like her, but they seem to be afraid of the very fact of her existence.

Alpharius and Omegon: playing a game of “guess who is who” with a girl. Of course, they play this game with everyone, but it’s more fun with a child who feels the trick and can’t speak. Well, with the Heresy, such games with manipulation will be even more terrible.

Horus and his uncontrollable breeding kink desire to have biological children just goes into overdrive upon realizing they may actually not be sterile.

also i love all of these interactions and think they are amazing. Also love that you didn't include Konrad because yeah lmao

[heuldoch7b]

primarchs but as beafts

lion - guess.

fulgrim - cockatrice

perturabo - alligator snapping tyrtle

jaghatai - hippogriff

leman - he kindove already is a creature LOL i jest, massive, mythological wolf

dorn - i dunno enough abt dorn either.. i want to say a glyptodont

konrad - direbat beaftie

sanguinius - angel

ferrus manus - idk enough abt mr hands

angron - actually i dont really know depsite how much i love angron, he kindove is fantastical as he is? hes better as a fucked up juggernaut (admendmum: badger)

roboute - hes kindove so humancoded i cant think of anuyhimg (which is fascinating and beautiful)

mortarion - definitely insectoid but not sure

magnus - griffin

horus - barghest

lorgar - also an angel but different dominion

vulkan - a drake! huge drake

corvus - a really big microraptor

alpharius omegon - hydra (i know very obvious)

[incorrect-primarchs-quotes]

Zodiac signs - Primarchs

SO I know nobody asked for this but I’m gonna write it anyway so enjoy.

Canonically, the Emperor created the primarchs referring to the 20 zodiac signs (yes, apparently we have 20 instead of 12) so I’m gonna explain you which one is which in my opinion.

I’ll be leaving the majority of them free of course, so you can help me if you wish to add your idea on this. 

Lion - he’s not a Leo, asbolutely fucking no. Because of his secretive character he most resembles a Scorpio to me. If you wanna put the Leo-thing somewhere, I’d say he’s a Scorpio with Leo-rising. 

Fulgrim - Libra. Fight me. He’s a libra with a lot of Virgo’s influences. He’s the perfect representation of libra: he value esthetic, he is always for peace and love (as he confirms himself) and he hates war. (I’m talking about his pre-corruption face of course). Virgo’s positionings may cause him to be a prefectionist. 

Perturabo - ??

Jaghatai - ??

Leman - Aries maybe? Not sure.

Dorn - ??

Konrad - ?? Someone speculates he’s a pisces, but again I’m not sure about this one.

Sanguinius - Some fire signs probably.

Ferrus - ??

Angron - Because of the nails it’s impossible to know, but I’d say Aries (a sign associated with Mars, both planet and god of war)

Guilliman - ?? Someone said he might be some fire signs but he’s too chill and cold for that.

Mortarion - Many many people say he’s a scorpio, but i think it’s only because of the association between the scorpio sign and death, so personally I’m not sure about this.

Magnus - HE IS AN AQUARIUS. fight me. He is the aquarius man. You need proofs? HERE YOU GO: Aquarius is an air sign - which is perfect for a very chilled but adaptable personality like Magnus - but not only that, aquarius is THE sign associated with knowledge. Aquarius people are very curious, indipendent and proud. They usually have a very big ego as well, but they are true and loyal friends if they consider you wothy (and Magnus was loyal till the end FIGHT ME I’M READY). They are also known for having some particular way of dressing: they might be very elegant or very stravagant, and we know Magnus likes to wear weird things.

Horus - Canonically a Sagittarius.

Lorgar - CANCER. I dare anyone of you to say the opposite. He is literally the representation of the cancer sign (also my bestie is a cancer too and they are literally the same on everything. Everytime i give her some quiz about warhammer she only always get Lorgar/Word beares as results). BUT for a more specific description: cancers are usually pretty chill, very emotional and spiritual, most of the time they do belive in some gods or something more that moves fate. They are also very empathic (tho some of them might not show this), they do take other’s suffering on their own shoulders too, especially for friends. Also, they are touchy, and Lorgar is very very touchy. They are also moody and most of the time introvers. ( Corvus confirmed that Lorgar is a cancer, even tho he meant it in another way but sh, we was right both ways). Also, cancers can be very manipulative if they want to, or sometimes they are without noticing. 

Vulkan - ?? some fire signs.

Corvus - ??

Alpharius / Omegon - I know I’ll sound clichè but Gemini. The fact that they are gemini and that the primarch are based on zodiac signs pretty much con prove this. Also, they do resemble air signs, so Gemini is the one I’d guess on.

[relax-and-read-on]

Wholesome one: Primarch favorite animals and foods?

I have done multiple food related ask actually :D!! Here is a fun mini masterlist!

I also made a post about the primarch and what pet they would have, wich is very similar but not exactly what you asked for I guess lol

So, To make things more fun~

The primarch fav animals!!

Lion: he doesn't like animals. But he respect a good hunting dog.

Roboute: He like Grox (cows). He think they are cute and he like petting them.

Rogal: Reindeer! Noble beast in his opinion.

Leman: W O L F

Alpharius Omegon: Crabs, just for the memetic nature. "Everything is a crab lol"

Perturabo: Love small song birds. They are free and pretty and have no worries.

Magnus: why love current animals when DINOSAUR USED TO EXIST?!?

Konrad: Cats are Vicious Murder Machine whom he respect. And they hunts rats.

Corvus: is this even a question. Ofc its raven. Does really like Magpie too tho.

Jaghatai: H O R S E

Horus: He will say something stupidly cliche like a lion but no, it's really just Husky.

Sanguinius: most other animals identifie him as a predator and run away. However, multiple emu have tried to attack him, and he find that HILARIOUS.

Lorgar: Snake are just misunderstood noodle babys and he will defend them >:'(

Vulkan: HE LOVE ANIMALS ALL ANIMAL HE MUST PET THEM ALL

Fulgrim: Betta fish. Beautiful lil warrior, who grow up in mud.

Ferrus: Mices and rats are cool you know? Smart small bastards.

Mortarion: Arthropod supremacy. Reject having a skeleton.

Angron: Dogs and cats! Just loyal cuddly animals.

[zombie-techpriest]

My Primarch Top List

This is just my Personal Opinion!!

From least to favorite.

18. Lorgar   I can‘t say that his story isn‘t interessting, BUT I have a BIG Problem with Religious Fanatics and because, he is an Asshole. Thanks Lorgar, you ruined the Imperium (Sort of) -10/10

17. Mortarion Simple Problem: I can‘t stand Body odor or bad smells in general and he is the embodiment of bad smell and everything disgusting. His Character… no...Just no… But like with Lorgar, his lore is interessting and the design kinda cool but NO!!! Sorry Morti but you STINK!! 0/10

16. Lion El‘Johnson Just...boring!! He is the one I always keep forgetting that he exist in the First place! I like his legions, I mostly like Asmodai that guy is so free of all humor, he is Funny. But no chance for Lion, he is boring. 1/10

15. Konrad Curze That man is my Teenage years: Cringy, Egdy and greasy hair and because he reminds me too much about Cringy Edgelords I can‘t stand him. Its the point of Edgy that stops being cool and just being Cringe. That whole Vampire thing is meh..no. Not anymore. My 15 Year old Self would have LOVED him, but now, doubled in age, he is just Cringe. 1/10

14. Horus Same as with Lion, he is just BORING!!! Even his Design is Boring! A bit Higher because, I cant forget a guy as important to the plot as Horus and I like the FAN made Stuff about him and Sanguinius. 3/10

13. Alpharius/Omegon Cool idea, not too many informations about them. I wish there would be more. But the Idea is great XD Want more 5/10

12. Rogal Dorn Well since „If the emperor had a text to Speech Device“ I like him more, but Sorry, I‘m Team Perturabo, so yeah. Also I Dislike his colors and these Armors his Sons are wearing. 5/10

11. Leman Russ The Wolf, the Space Corgy, the Emperors personal Lapdog and Trashman who does everything without asking too many questions…I have no problems with Leman BUT a bit more Brain would work Wonders…Still, I like the idea and I like wolves.6/10

10. Jaghatai Khan Design, Hairstyle, Fighting style, BEARD!! Everything Check! Cool dude, I like a man with a nice beard XD Every Primarch should have a beard! (Yes Fulgrim too!) 7/10

9. Ferrus Manus I like nearly everything about him. Many people say he isn‘t interessting, but hey, he died pretty Early before the real shit hits the fan, so imagine what COULD have been with him around longer. Also he is kinda the Techpriest version of a Primarch and...well, I love Techpriests. Also, nobody can tell me, Fulgrim cloned him to play chess with him. We all know whats really going on. 7/10

8. Fulgrim Close to his best buddy is Fulgrim, the pretty one. To be honest, I like his Demonform more than his human Form and also Slaneesh is my Favorite Chaos god, thats mostly why Fully is so high up here^^ Storys and Design is almost Aways good here, so I don‘t wanna repeat myself too often. 7/10

7. Roboute Still unsure how to pronounce his last name, So I just call him Rob, or Captain America, because thats who he reminds me of (Guess it was on Purpose) This spot in my list is Less about him and more about the wonderful, the best, the grumpiest but still so Awesome CHAPTERMASTER!!!! Seriously Marneus Calgar is a 10/10 while Roboute is a 7/10. 

 6. Vulkan Everybody loves Vulkan. The Teddybear of the group, the big strong one with the soft heart. That being said, I know he can be badass and I wanna see/read even more Badass Stuff. And he won my heart as he smashed Konrad with his hammer XD 8/10

5. Sanguinius Angelboy was always the prettier one, between him and Fulgrim in my eyes. Also I love the pure Irony he embodys by looking like an Angel, a religious figure in a time that forbids religion and his wings are part of a Mutation, but Mutants are hunted down. Love me a good Irony XD Also his Story is pretty impressive, his relationship to Horus made it all even more tragic and I love to draw him, so….8/10

4. Corvus Corax First question I have: What came first? The Primarch or the Band? And yes there is a Band named Corvus Corax XD He is like Konrad but in Cool and less Edgy. I like his legion, his Design and this man is ONLY a man with a beard and Yes TTS, because of that I love him 9/10

3. Magnus Magnus is the reason I like Warhammer 40K. He was the very first Character I ever saw and is the reason I got into it. Also my very first Primarch Figure I build and painted. His Story, kinda tragic, his powers, really awesome and his wings are prettier than Sanguinius‘ Wings! (fight me on that if you want!) 9/10

2. Perturabo Something about him is just Fascinating. So much potential but gets always ignored by his Father, no wonder he got grumpy and Angry. He is the strongest and smartest of ALL primnarch but NO, Daddy prefers Rogal over him and I understand his displeasure very much. That man needs a hug. A BIG Hug! 9,5/10

1. Angron Angry boy is my number 1. I LOVE HIM!!! His tragic Backstory makes me wanna hug him, even though I know he would kill me. Used and Abused by his owners and later by his Brother Lorgar, Angron needs somebody who loves him. And I wanna give him All the love he deserves!! 10000/10 My Baby!!

[soraka-in-warhammer40k]

The Primarchs: The Serpent Beneath

So I finished "The Primarchs" and it was... certainly a weird ride. At all started off with the atrocity that was the sexual-torture-assult on Fulgrim, followed by the total snoozefest that was "Feats of Iron" - Ferrus Man just is the boring one in the family and darn does it reflect in his stories.

After that "the Lion" was also somewhat of a snoozefest where all we essentially learned was that our titular hero definetly keeps secrets from his allies and is potentially serving Chaos even if he does not know it yet (and gives more food to my theory that he will turn to chaos eventually)?

I did not write a post for these two because what is there to say? Not much of importance happens, and nothing of genuine relevance is learned. The book could be described as a total dud, if it was not for the Alpha Legion story in the end.

The curious part of it? It's Alpha Legion Vs. Alpha Legion. Omegon is running operations sabotaging the war effort in the heresy and tricking his twin brother about it - and to top it off we get introduced to their "soul shared through blood"-sorta ability. If an Alpha Legion Astartes drinks primarch blood, they essentially BECOME either Alpharius or Omegon for some time. They gain their memories and act like they would. Also, random side appearance: demirug lore. I did not expect that, that's for certain!

So is the Alpha Legion loyalist or chaos? Well, if Alpharius and Omegon are still running different opposing operations in secret from the other, its essentially both. The legion is fighting a spy-war inside of itself. I wonder who would come out on top in the end?

My guess is that there will be a big event where the Dark Angels go traitor, while the Alpha Legion becomes loyal in some sort of super-triple twist - simply for the reason that with their abilities and specialisation, it makes no sense that the Imperium is still standing. A single Alpha Legion Astartes given enough time and resources can plunge an entire world into an all-out civil war without firing as much as a single shot. Chaos has its own ways to avoid infiltration, but the Imperium is totally vulnerable, and should have lost ages ago.

So now, time to move on the Signus Daemonicus. These short stories were so exhausting to read, mostly because you can't give a shit about named characters you see for like 20 pages. Good thing the next one is a proper novel - and the first Blood Angels thing I'll ever read! Let's see how it goes...

[ask-jaghatai-khan]

The BF Reacts to the Primarchs

In which @asking-ask​ gives first impressions of all the Primarchs based on art I provided!

For each Primarch I listed the legion, name, and three pieces of art, two of which were always from Aerion’s Primarch Project, and the Iconoclasts portraits. Gonna be a long post, so just click the “read more” tab.

(I) Lion El’Johnson

His name’s Lynel! That’s incredible! The art looks so different, because the first guy looks like a fuckboi, but the third guy looks like Lucius Malfoy by book seven, and then the middle looks like Soldier 76 in fantasy. So I don’t really know how I feel about that guy. I like the first one, the other two not so much.

(III) Fulgrim

(I listed by legion.)

I was gonna say, three does not come after one. Fulgrim—I like the name. Once again it goes fuckboi—I mean it looks like a Tarot card, which is neat. I love the sword, it’s zippity. He looks like if you had a baby with Samus Aran and the entire Belmont clan! Like the power armor, but it’s still very fantasy-like. And once again, he’s like an old fuck.

(IV) Perturabo

I’ve been pronouncing it like “Pervtabo”, like a pervert, so I’m sorry. Ah, it’s Reinhardt! It’s Reinhardt but with Hanzo’s face. I didn’t know this was—oh, it’s Battlefield Earth! I didn’t know this was secretly Overwatch. Yeah, I don’t really like the cable-hair, but the second one where he looks like Reinhardt and Hanzo’s lovechild I’m super into. He’s got caution signs! “Look, I’m dangerous.”

(V) Jaghatai Khan

It’s yo boiiii! He looks like he’s straight out of Big Trouble in Little China. The lightning bolt thing frustrates the hell out of me because in every picture it’s in a slightly different place. So once again, electric sword, I’m super into it. He’s got a parchment like pinned to his armor? Yeah, no, you need like Gorilla Glue or something, you can’t just thumbtack it on there, that’s not how it works. I LOVE the color scheme though, that is slick. White and gold and crimson, that is legit.

(VI) Leman Russ

First thing I thought was Lemon Brothers, or Leman Brothers, or whatever. WOAH, dude, it’s the Scotsman! God, I’m seeing a theme with these swords, they’re all very similar. He’s got a wolf on his crotch. Is that your boy in the background?

(No, that’s a Sister of Silence.)

Disappointing. Yeah, I don’t know, this guy’s kinda I don’t know. He looks like he’s from Samurai Jack.

(He’s a Viking werewolf.)

Yeah, that’s pretty neat! Oh, I see! Well, at least in all of them he’s got a wolf on his crotch, so that’s cool. Continuity.

(VII) Rogal Dorn

Yeah no, that’s just straight-up Soldier 76. Like, I can’t even comment any further because it’s just him. He’s got like the 70s porn-stache.

(Friendly muttonchops.)

Friendly muttonchops? I like porn-stache better, though. Porn-stache-chops. And what—he’s also got paper on him! I like to think that’s a grocery list and he doesn’t want to lose it, so he pins it to his armor. Like he looks down, “Oh! Right, I forgot eggs.”

(VIII) Konrad Curze

Ooh, ooh… This is like if Grima survived and wanted to wreak his revenge on fantasy and sci-fi. He’s not an attractive lookin’ fella.

(Oof! People are gonna be mad at you.)

What? He’s not! He’s greasy looking! He needs a bath. He needs a trip to Lush, he needs fucking cosmetics, and moisturizer, and detangler, and—he needs a lot of work. I am not a fan. Though I do like the bloody claws, that’s pretty neat.

(IX) Sanguinius

Oh my god, this is a straight-up lost Belmont. He’s straight-up, y’know, “BY THE POWER OF THE CHURCH, I SLAY THEE, DEMON!” kinda type deal. Look at him! Look at him, he’s so fancy! Oh my god, he’s so beautiful.

(He’s got majestic wings.)

I see that. Are those attached to his armor, or…?

(No, those are his actual wings.)

WOAH! I would party with this dude. I would go to a club with him and get drunk, he he’d probably be like—I’d be in the corner crying and he’d be giving me life advice. That’s a misleading name, though, it doesn’t sound very happy. His name should be like—uh—Lord Goldmeyer, or something like that.

(X) Ferrus Manus

He reminds me of Cable.

(He has metal hands.)

Yeah, he’s Cable. He’s just straight-up Cable, from Deadpool. Can he teleport? Can he travel through time?

(I don’t think so.)

Disappointing. Work on that, and get back to me. Uh, and then team up with Deadpool. I like him, he seems pretty chill. I would trust him to house-sit. He looks like—he looks like a dependable dude. I’m goin’ off of looks here.

(XII) Angron

Uhh, that is one angry-looking fucker. Oh, another Battlefield Earth guy! He looks VERY angry. Mm, that’s a lot of blood. I do not trust this guy to house-sit. yeah, no thanks, I’ll pass.

(XIII) Roboute Guilliman

*gasp!* He’s got a sweet bird! Birds? Bird.

(Is it a two-headed bird? It might be a two-headed bird.)

That’d be pretty neat! I would be down with that. He kinda looks like what I assume Master Chief looks like. Like he’s kinda got that generic white dude face, but it’s war-torn. Like, this dude’s seen some shit. But, I don’t know—he still—I feel like he still has hope for the world, y’know? So he’s not Soldier 76, ‘cuz he’s given up. So I think he’s like Master Chief.

(XIV) Mortarion

Oh my god, how many of these are there? This dude looks like a straight-up Ringwraith, or some sort of wraith. Or uh—Darth Sideous, or Plagueis? Which one is the Emperor?

(Sidious?)

Yeah, there we go. Yeah, he looks like Sidious. Oh, that’s a wicked scythe, though! Oh, same. We should chill, but maybe not. No.

(XV) Magnus the Red

Yo! It’s Starfire’s older brother! I mean, he’s ginger and huge! Oh, I like this guy. He’s neat! And he’s got like—cool, purple rune powers.

(He’s a wizard.)

Aw, dude. Is that like, an army of automatons, or something?

(Uh—later, yeah!)

*gasp!* I would party with this guy! I want this guy to be my best friend.

(You’re so good at guessing some of this shit.)

I know my fantasy, yo!

(XVI) Horus Lupercal

Uh, he reminds me of, um, the animated version of Dr. Freeze.

(I should have included him when he’s at, like—max evil. He looks more like the second picture.)

Yeah, he legit looks like a different skin for the Batman Animated Dr. Freeze. And because of that I don’t trust him. Lotta eyes, a lot of people just have eyes on their armor. Do they serve any purpose, or are they just, like, cool?

(Uh, I think that’s the Eye of Terra. It was like a symbol they used.)

Oh, very neat, I like it.

(XVII) Lorgar Aurelian

Lotta bald dudes. And if they’re not bald they’ve got hair to their legs. Yo—OH, he makes me think of the Elder played by Leonard Nimoy from Atlantis!

(Oh yeah, the facial tattoos.)

Yeah! That’s cool! I—I trust him. I don’t know, just based on that; based on the fact that he reminds me of Leonard Nimoy as the Elder in Atlantis. I dunno, he strikes me as a chaotic-neutral. Just because he’s got a lot of, like, scary shit, but he’s also got incense and he’s got a book. So he probably knows how to fuck you up, but he probably also doesn’t care. So, that’s what I’m gleaning from how he looks.

(XVIII) Vulkan

Yooo! This dude—I would not fuck with this dude. He’s scary lookin’. He looks like someone left him in the fryer for too long. He’s a little toasty-lookin’. Not, like, trying to harsh on his personality, I’m just sayin’ that’s what he looks like.

(Would you believe me if I told you he’s the nicest guy of all of ‘em?)

Yeah, I could see that. He’s got a bit of a Drax vibe to him. Where he’s, like, really scary looking but I bet, y’know, you just met him and he offers you lemon squares. You’re like “I didn’t even know you could make lemon squares!”, and they’re pretty good lemon squares. He probably has a cat named Snuffles, that he really loves. But he could also kick your ass, so…

(XIX) Corvus Corax

I know this name, I’ve heard this name. Ah, it’s Wolverine! He’s got—his primary weapon is his nose, right? ‘Cuz he’s got a straight-up Ocarina of Time nose.

(He’s got a beak.)

Exactly! No, that’s not a nose; that’s a beak or a weapon. I love the color scheme! Like, a lot of these dudes have gold, but, like, gold in different places, which is really cool. Also, he’s got feathers, which is neat. So I’m into that.

(XX) Alpharius/Omegon

(Or “Alpharius Omegon”)

Are they the same person, or are they twins? What the fuck—?

(They do like a “I am Spartacus” thing. He’s got a twin brother nobody knows about.)

I hope they get along. Oh, that’s cool, they look like they’d get along. I like the mirrored scar thing, do you think they did that on purpose? I like to think one of them got scarred and the other one was like “Bro, you gotta cut up your face so that we look like mirror images of each other, ‘cuz that’d be neat!” I dunno, mm— there’s something—unsettling that, I don’t know, it creeps me out a little bit. Ehh. Naw, I don’t like ‘em.

Final Thoughts

I think out of all of these, I like Vulkan, because you said he’s chill; and I like Lllorgar, because he’s, like, I dunno. There’s a vibe about him, where I’m like “Yeah, you seem like a neat dude!” Uh, who else? And I want Magnus the Red to be my BFF. I wanna chill with him on the weekends and if I have any crazy house parties he’s the first person I’m calling up, because I know everyone’s gonna get fucked up. Like, that is LEGIT. I trust him with my booze, and I trust him with anything. Um, and I’m trying to think—I don’t like the greasy guy; and I feel like Sang-Sangweenus? Sanguinius, that guy, he’s cool too. Though I don’t know, I feel like if I tried to hang out with him he’d just—I’d form a guilt complex. Like, he probably eats really well and works out and has a spice garden…

(He’s Rob Lowe?)

Exactly! So I just look at him and I’d be like “Mm, you’re a little TOO perfect.” But I trust him. No, Konrad, I don’t—he reminds me too much of the midway point when Viktor Krum turned into a shark. That makes me uncomfortable.

(So who would you say is your least favorite, or the one you’re most suspicious of?)

It’s Konrad, yeah. The other ones seem cool, and if not I feel like I’ve got bros. I just need a three-man army and I feel like I’d be safe from the ones I don’t trust. So yeah, I like ‘em, they could kick my ass!

Thanks again to @asking-ask​ for the commentary! Glad to know my BF is a filthy heretic in the making, save for Vulkan being part of his triad-squad.

[mechagalaxy]

Extra Bits

Alpha Legion surpassed all others in the techniques of infiltration. So skilled are they that often opponents would be halfway through their victory celebrations before they realized the choicest bits of their loot had somehow disappeared in the night, or their high value asset had been quietly substituted while they were busy “successfully” driving off a frontal Alpha Legion assault.

Most Clans treated the war as beginning when they loaded the dropships for travel to the war world, some treated war as beginning when they dropped into a hot LZ (where they usually got slaughtered, for being unprepared). Alpha Legion understood the war was half over before you even announced where the battles would be fought. Clan war was announced, and the Alpha Legion was already in motion against their suspected foes. Infiltration and sabotage was the order of the day.

Omegon looked upon his coleader Alpharius with suspicion. The mission was sabotage of enemy high threat assets. They had worked out the greatest potential return was from sabotage only against one class of mecha. To attack a class of mecha is to raise the suspicion that it is a design issue, or a degradation issue, destroying confidence in even those machines of that class that sabotage had not been successfully completed on. The scramble to remove first choice equipment as a possible source of the issue also provided a general performance loss across the whole mecha class, and thus the whole clan. Like all Alpha Legion strategies, its success was almost impossible to see happening, and completely impossible to stop.

The mecha class selected had been Boreas. Omegon and Alpharius had worked out the targeting based on the threat profile of their likely opponents, but now that the time for infiltration was here, Alpharius did not bear explosives, or acids, nor compressed supercoolants, or anything beyond the standard infiltration softwares. He carried……bits.

Omegon looked at the components, clearly parts of mecha power relays, actuator connectors, flexor articulators, capacitor shield buffers and secondary power shunts and scowled.

“Brother, I fail to see how gifting our enemies with our own hard won spare parts will win us this coming war.”

Alpharius laughed. “Look again brother, these are not our spare parts, in fact they are not spare parts at all. They are Rube Goldberg parts”

Omegon looked closer, and a smile crossed his face. Rube Goldberg parts were engineered to look like they should do something, like they must do something, but of course they do not. Rube Goldberg parts were designed to drive engineers insane as they absolutely looked like integral and important parts. To scatter a few of these parts into a tear down is to leave the mechanics with parts that look more like the parts they took out than the real thing, with disastrous consequences if they try to fit them in.

The twin Primarchs of the Alpha Legion laughed, it was the perfect Alpha Legion strategy. The more capable the enemy leader, the more effective the sabotage. A truly gifted engineer could figure a way to make these parts fit, where they would almost, but never quite, work. The most gifted to could try it a hundred, terrifyingly bad, ways.

-------Smurf Base Mushroom 6--------- “Brainey, I swear, I haven’t touched a drop! Well I haven’t touched a drop more than usual. I mean I was barely drinking at all! Just enough to make the stim packs stop tasting like reactor coolant. I mean we are doing full teardown on all the machines and I needed a little help. I swear, I don’t know how it happened. I didn’t tear down any farther than usual, didn’t change anything, but I have….extra bits”

Brainey Smurf looked at Rachet Smurf with a disapproving glare. The extra bits were clearly the anterior power coupler for a Psychic Enhancer. How can you not notice that one of your cockpit modules was not connected to both incoming and outgoing power?

Brainey’s voice got nasal as he lectured “I can see why you are embarrassed to admit you Smurfed up something so simple. Any fool can trace the couplings and find one that is not mated incoming and outgoing, I don’t see why you are bothering me with this. Just find which one is missing, and insert it. Please don’t waste my smurfing time with details this simple”

Rachet Smurf felt his wrench arm stop. Two of his technicians had jumped him before he could swing the wrench through Brainey’s head and wipe the smirk off his face with a six pound actuator wrench. Oh well. They had traced the couplings six times and everything looked fine. I guess the pilot could test it for them.

Alarms sounded as the crash teams worked to get the Boreas pilot out. The smell of burned blueberries was frightening. As they pulled the crisped pilot out of the machine, the whisper went around. “Crispy Smurf!” He would be quite a while in med bay, being fried like overdone bacon by some sort of cockpit interface issue.

That was six Boreas down grudged for different issues. At this rate they were going to have to pull the class out of service for the next war, or they would lose their pilots before firing a shot.

-----Myth and Legends Blood Wolves---Fang Alpha-------

Chief Technician Lupus Sanguinius stared at the piece and raged. “This is a gyroscope component, clearly. How could you forget to double check the gyro integrity before resealing the housing? Do you have any understanding of how delicate these devices are? A single failure will not just require this part be replaced, but all the components run through the laser scanner and spun on the oscillator to ensure they are in proper balance, then fluoresced to see the failure didn’t induce stress fractures or temper reductions. You are talking dozens of man hours wasted for the lack of one simple double check”

The Blood Wolf technician was almost in tears. A young engine-seer apprentice, he loved the Blood Wolves machines like they were his own pups, more than he loved his own girlfriend. Luckily for him, she was a pilot of one of the machines and found his devotion to the major love of her life, her Boreas, to be his most endearing feature.

The troll like Astech Bjorn interposed himself between the Chief Tech and the young puppy before a promising young technician had either his confidence broken, or most of his limbs if he made the mistake of taking a swing at a hardened killer like Lupus Sanguinius. With a low rumble he spoke.

“Ah sor, I wondered where that had gotten to. Aye, I know just where that is needed. Why don’t you give me that, and I will instruct the young gentleman about where it goes.” The simple smile on the troll like Assistant Technician (Astech), reassured both and Lupus let the matter drop with a nod. Stalking off to terrorize the crew working on an Apatotron upgrade that was overtime, and still not finished.

The eager young technician followed old Bjorn as he wandered off in the direction of the problem Boreas. Stopping in front of it, he looked up, then used the odd shaped crystal/metal part to reach behind and scratch the bottom of his left shoulder blade.

“Ah blood of the gods but that feels good. Haven’t been able to reach there since that accident when the Black Stars shelled the base when I was half way into Magnus shoulder housing. Tore my rotator cuff, and lost just enough flexibility I can never reach that one spot.”

Grinning at the young technician, he wandered away from the Boreas in the repair cradle, and to a sealed locker at the end. Entering the code 6969, he pulled open a locker filled with…..well a bizarre collection of odd…things.

“This be the EB bin. If you even need to machine something, check here for stock that you can trim down first. Parts like this, whenever you come across them, you do get someone else to double check your work, then take what is left and dump them here.”

The technician was looking deeply confused. “But Bjorn, you said you knew just what this part was needed for, and where it goes. Why are you sticking it here, and not the Boreas. For that matter, what is the EB bin, it is not in the inventory database ANYWHERE.”

Bjorn closed the bin and grinned.

“Ah now sor, we don’t trouble the senior officers with such things. They need the universe to balance, and everything to have its place. We humble wrench jockeys know the universe doesn’t quite work that way so we smooth out the occasional rough edge they don’t need to know about. This be the Extra Bits bin, where we put extra bits left over from repairs, and where we go to find some bare stock to make new bits out of when we come up a wee bit short.”

The technician looked at the bin, which must weigh over a ton, even in this temporary field camp and whispered in shock.

“But Bjorn, there should never be any extra bits, every tear down must match the rebuild. That is just logic!”

Bjorn slapped the young officer-trainee on the back and grinned. “That’s the Spirit sor, well we will make sure it matches. We just keep those extra bits in the bin for when the universe tries to upset young gentlemen like yourself and great and powerful technomancers like Lupus Sanguinius. Don’t you worry about a thing. When you get and Extra Bit, you just toss it to one of the lads, and we will see it ends up in the bin”

Myth and Legend Blood Wolves Boreas had the lowest all clan failure rate that war.

John T Mainer 28840

[relax-and-read-on]

Sorry to hear about your spine. My hips and lower spine power the other half of Commorragh in sympathy.

So I present you this: which member in a band would the Primarchs be? The band setup doesn't need to be from one single music direction.

Rip my friend together we could probably create a new chaos god just focused on spine pain.

And THAT is exactly the kind of bullshit (affectionate) ask I wanted, thank youuuu!

The primarch, but I guess that this time it's a band au! And I know nothing of music!!!

Angron: Tried rock music, and he kept destroying his own guitar. Seem interested by percussion tho, and can RULE on a djembe.

Mortarion: everyone blink as he show up with a grand piano and fucking own the place. Collab with the others but in general prefer to do solo stuff.

Perturabo: FANTASTIC electronic composer and dj. Refuse to be know for that tho. Will hide behind a fake name and just give tracks and beats to his other bros.

Horus: Front man signer/guitarist. Probably actually average at playing, but he has that charisma.

Fulgrim: Synth player, but like to show off by playing ALL the weird instruments. Also back up vocals.

Konrad: No. Music is bad. He do not like. Probably run the weird merch booth in the back. In counterpart, Sevatar DESPERATLY want to start a boys band.

Alpharius Omegon: They have their own band wich is a daft punk look-alike with full helmet. They exclusively play weird techno that sound like late 2000's vocaloid music. Actually one of the most popular band in the galaxy, due in part to the mechanicus giving them a gigantic cult following.

Magnus: Start a "world music" band. Probably play a myriad of traditional, really cool instruments for it.

Lorgar: In Magnus' band, as the lead singer. He's unfairly good at it. If pressed, can rivalise Sanguinius as a guitarist.

Sanguinius: The hot guitarist. The one that play WAY too good for the band he's in. Would get all the groupies if he wasn't busy backstage with Horus rawing him.

Roboute: The manager of All The Others. He could be a crooner if he wanted, but then who would be flying this plane?!?

Rogal: he build the stages and the lights. He's actually competant on the drum but has no interest in playing.

Leman: he's so terrible at music, he doesn't have a single bone of rythmes lmao. He has!!! The energy tho!!! They probably use him as a roadie or something similar.

Lion: Basist. The kind that never have a single change of expressions and maintain prolong eye contact with the crowd as he play flawlessly

Vulkan: He has SUCH a nice voice?!? Would probably compose his own song without an actual band behind him tho.

Jaghatai: The best drummer in the galaxy. He goes SO HARD YALL.

Ferrus: No interest in making the music, but will love and support his brothers in their endeavors~! Fulgrim like to joke he's their sexiest groupie.

[c-u-c-koo-4-40k]

Mortarion. It's not even a competition It's Mortarion. Unless we're going my husbandry contributions...cause my entire blog got started from an ask regarding how Alpha Legion are the Cuckoo Birds of space marines. So I guess I've got some Alpharius/Omegon energy too.

@kit-williams Konrad wins out to me cause you call yourself Momrad, your partner is Dadatar and your wee babee is tiny nightlord.

@moodymisty back when I was a shy nameless anon You really brought the Fire with some of your Mortarion fics. But out of all the primarchs I Might assign you the Lion. Cause your fics actually made me like him a lot more than I did. Or I'm misremebering who did what fic so feel free to correct me.

@gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan You've also got Alpha Legion energy with the awesome ocean you've got from there. @egrets-not-regrets is in the same boat with the mischevious alpha legion boy.

i feel like every warhammer writer on here has like an assigned primarch at this point. all of you have your specific person and i genuinely wanna know who you would assign yourself/your mutuals to because i think of certain primarchs when i think of certain authors on here. is that just me?

I mean @/the-raven-lady is Corvus because yeah XD @/bispecual is Leman Russ cause that's just how i feel her vibe is.

who would I be? lmao