#also I especially appreciate what we can determine about the two of them just from this one interaction

[tmae3114]

I have such thorough and specific headcanons about Tomix and Katia’s relationship that sometimes I almost forget that their only canon interaction is

[fraugwinska]

Hi! Okay, damn, sorry, i tried to chill out and not request again so quickly 😅 but I've been constantly thinking about your writing, and I've read all your Alastor one shots like 10 times each...

I'm especially hung up on the ending of More than Words, I did not expect you to end it in such a sweet way and honestly I'd love to see a follow up to that, basically a part two :)

Plot wise I was thinking:

It's been a few weeks since the two of you fell asleep on the couch and Charlie is getting impatient since nothing else happened between Alastor and reader but she can see the way the two looks at each other when they think no one is watching. So, Charlie being Charlie, makes up a plan to set you two up. She also involves everyone at the hotel and some people outside (Rosie) - she makes it so whenever there's some activity, you two are always paired up, or Rosie invites you both for dinner but five minutes into it she leaves saying she forget about something important. And you notice what she's trying to do and while you do appreciate it, you also see that Alastor feels anxious and pressured (you see that but not the fact he's growing feeling for you), so you decide to talk with her. And Alastor hears everything? And we get another amazing sweet emotional ending? 👀🥰

Last thing last - please do not feel pressured to write it or anything, i just wanted to share this with you cause it's been on my mind 😅❤️

You ask - the fluff fairy delivers! 🧚✨ I loved More than words, so I was super happy and excited to write a continuation - and it's as fluffy and wholesome as can be! :> Thank you, Anon, for the suggestion and your beautiful, kind words!!!

❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️🦌❤️

Louder than Words

"...and with Niffty choosing Husk, that leaves you two."

Charlie clapped her hands together with a gleeful smile, eyes darting between an annoyed looking Alastor and an annoyed looking you.

"Yes. That leaves us.", you sigh.

"Again.", Alastor adds, the smile on his lips twitching.

"Oh come on, guys, don't be such spoilsports. Look at how much fun this is!" she gestured to a blindfolded and beaten up Vaggie, cursing at Angel in Spanish who howled with laughter as he pushed her through Charlies makeshift obstacle course with much too much carelessness.

"Well I'll be damned. Ange actually managed to get her to to run into the same desk twice without gettin' punched.", Husk said in amused bewilderment, just as a loud "OUCH, ey, stop it Vagina!" was heard. Niffty giggled, blindfolding herself and taking Husks paw. The cat groaned but started to lead her - or more she dragged him - through the course, constantly (almost purposely) hitting something in her way.

You and Alastor looked at each other.

"Well, I guess you don't feel like going through a minefield of office furniture.", you shrugged, and took the last blindfold from Charlies hands, ignoring her excited squeal as you put it on. "Don't let me run into the coffee table, my shins still hurt from last weeks bonding exercise..."

Alastor let out an exasperated sigh. "Very well, then."

This was getting out of hand. As you felt Alastor's hand on your back, pushing you into the blindness forward, you thought about the last few bonding and trust exercises and how blatantly obvious Charlie was in her determination to get you and Alastor together.

At first you didn't mind, since she didn't make you do anything that wasn't bearable. On one activity, you had to tell your partner what you appreciated about them, that had been easy. Before Alastor could turn to Niffty, who stood next to him, she had almost hauled herself away, insisting on Angel as her partner, and Angel - next to you - nodded with unfitting eagerness. Alastor told you about how good you were at listening and giving good advice, and you had told him you loved the way he spoke - the accent, his way of choosing words and the melodic voice he had, and that you liked his laugh. Easy.

On another activity, Charlie made everyone pair up (of course, you were Alastor's partner, and this time you were sure the sticks you drew were marked by Charlie and Husk by the way they had shared mischievous looks) and hug their partner for five minutes. That had been less fun. You were much too aware how averse Alastor was to physical touch, and although he could've had it worse with Angel or Vaggie, you still felt bad when you saw the look on his face as Charlie set the timer. "We don't have to, Al. I can just sit this one out.", you had told him, but with a pained smile, he wrapped his arms around you stiffly, holding you in an awkward embrace. "It's alright dear, just... stay still, would you?" It had been a weird, uncomfortable silence, those five minutes. You avoided any touch yourself and did not dare to look him in the eyes, so to not make it any more weird for him.

It had taken you a long time to understand that the radio demon was, in it's essence, just another former human being turned sinner. A man with a lot of traumas and issues, who had died and gone to hell. Not a good person by heavenly standards... by most standards really, being an overlord and cannibal and all, but in hell that didn't really mean anything, you were all there for a reason. It certainly meant nothing to you. With a lot of work from your end, he had learned to trust you, and in return he let you get to know him, step by step.

But all these efforts could go down the drain at this infuriating persistence of everyone around you to force something that shouldn't be forced. Alastor was already uncomfortable at being touched, already hesitant to share things from his past, or his feelings, already on the fence of showing genuine kindness and trust. The last thing you wanted was to lose all the progress you've made with him.

The feeling of his arms around you had burned itself into your memory, and the scent of him had stuck to your skin for a long time. You weren't stupid, it had been a long time coming, this goddamn crush on him, this fluttering feeling one gets when getting too close to another. You had fallen for him a long time ago, and you could argue with reason all you wanted - it didn't change the fact you liked Alastor more than just a friend. BUT - and this but was important - he never had shown any interest in relationships, romance, love or anything. And that was fine. You were content to have him in your life, and if that was as 'just' trusted friends, you would still take it in a heartbeat.

"Watch out, darling, armchair to your left." Alastor's voice, right next to your ear, made you flinch. "Careful now, the carpet is starting to change into hardwood.", he warned and you nodded, taking careful steps. You had no idea where you were in the foyer, or if you were nearing the door or the stairs. "Are we anywhere close to the finish line?", you asked him and you heard his quiet chuckle.

"Oh no, we still have quite a way to go. Don't worry, my dear, I'll make sure you're not going to run into the remains of the cupboard Niffty just destroyed." His hand on your waist, guiding you, made you swallow nervously.

That gesture reminded you of another instance of your friends overreaching insistence - your visit at Rosie's last week. Rosie, your long-time friend, had invited you and Alastor for a dinner party. She had sent a message through Charlie (which should have been your first clue that something was not right), but both of you had decided to go, because who were you to deny her hospitality? You had been surprised to find her emporium so... empty, when you entered. No servants, no other guests, no one. Only you, Alastor and Rosie, sitting in her lounge chatting about the newest gossip of hellish politics before she served a whole feast of venison, various vegetables and side dishes, all of which had looked exquisite and overly fancy.

She had left almost as soon as you and Alastor sat down, saying she forgot to pick up something important from across the colony, and to not wait on her while she rushed out of the room with a glistening smile. You had watched her suspiciously, knowing she was up to something. It didn't take a genius to realize she was trying to set you two up, and Alastor seemed to have understood the same, because of the way he pinched the bridge of his nose, visibly uncomfortable and tense the whole evening. It had been a somewhat awkward affair, the two of you eating and desperately chatting, unwilling to waste the food. But you couldn't even get a proper bite down your throat with how much your stomach was twisting.

When Rosie returned, she found you sitting on the sofa, drinking tea, while Alastor was absent.

"Did something happen?", she had asked you with a pinch of impish curiosity, and you had replied "No. Nothing." in a dry tone. She had sat down next to you, asking how dinner had been, and if the two of you enjoyed yourselves. "Oh yes, it was lovely, although your seat empty surely was a little damper on the fun." you had answered, giving her a fake smile. You never saw her that abashed before. When Alastor returned to bring you back to the hotel, the walk had been... silent. Awkward, as you hung on his arm he had presented you, with him unable to look you in the eyes and you not wanting to press him into more talking. When you had arrived home, he guided you through the double doors, his hand on your waist, before quickly saying good night and melting into his shadows to rush away into his room, leaving you alone in the dark foyer.

It was like you were standing on glass, always having an eye out to make sure others wouldn't push too hard and break the thin ice you walked on, with a dangerous fondness deep beneath the surface, too fragile to poke.

"...listening, Darling?"

"Huh? What?"

You felt the blindfold being removed from your eyes, the sudden light blinding you.

"You look a little flushed my dear." you blinked your eyes, only to see Alastor stand directly in front of you, just barely out of arms reach, staring you in the face with a scrutinizing expression. "The exercise is over, we made it through the course without a scratch, I hope I didn't cause you any discomfort."

It took a moment for you to realize that you stood at the edge of the maze of furniture, but what really knocked you off your balance was the way Alastor's head was tilted slightly to one side, his crimson eyes almost boring through you, staring deep into your soul, as if he was looking for you, truly seeing you, and how he reached out a sharp tipped hand towards you with the look of worry on his face. You took a step back, laughing nervously and raking a hand through your hair.

"All good, Al. I'm just glad there's no imprint of my face on any of the cupboards." You saw him jerk his hand back with a pained smile. "Splendid.", he laughed, the edges of it trembling. He looked everywhere but at you, "Shall we join the others, then?"

You followed him to one of the sofas and let yourself fall on the plush cushions next to him. You watched his ears twitch as Angel hollered a jubilant cheer of Vaggie's name, who finally reached the end of the course, the blood on her shins almost dried. Husk patted a panting Niffty on the back with a fond look, while Charlie cheered as Angel bowed for her with a big grin.

"Told 'ya the spicy taco and I could make it out alive and in one piece, Charls!"

Vaggie gave Angel a deathly glance, then sighed. "It's high time for lunch, hon. All the blood loss made me hungry..."

The group collectively agreed and headed towards the kitchen, talking and laughing loudly with each other. You couldn't help but give Alastor, who kept his gaze anywhere else than to you, a look, furrowing your brow. This had to stop, now.

"Charlie, do.... do you have a minute?"

The princess stopped to look at you, her smile disappearing and her eyes widening as she saw the stern expression on your face.

"Uh- Yeah, sure.", she shot Vaggie a look, as if begging for her help, but you just grabbed her hand and pulled her away into a nearby corridor while the others snickered and headed off, telling them to take their time. Charlie gave you a nervous glance, and the pitiful face of guilt only worsened your mood.

"Charlie, I know you mean well, but you have to stop."

"Listen, I didn't mean any harm..." Her face was full of pitiful remorse. You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed.

"I'm aware of that, Charlie, but you are making Al uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry, really, that's not my intention! I just Thought you two need a little push in the right..."

"This whole... THIS might end our friendship all together and I don't want to take that risk! You're even getting the others involved. For fuck's sake, even Rosie is in on it. Al doesn't want this - us, relationship-thing, WHATEVER, and it is not okay for you to press us!"

Her eyebrows shot up. "But you want it."

"What?", you said, irritated.

"You're only talking about him, and his feelings. But what I'm hearing is, that you... you like him, right? You'd say yes to..."

Tears of frustration shot into your eyes. Why didn't Charlie get it? "That doesn't matter. It's not something only one can decide, you should know that. He doesn't feel the same, and that's fine. He doesn't want to be with me, and that's fine. I can accept that. What I can't accept is the way you're hellbent on forcing a relationship on us. He is happy the way we are, and I don't want you and the others to mess that up."

You turn away from her, angry and hurt. "I just... want him to be happy. To have his boundaries respected."

"I... I'm sorry...", Charlie started, but you already walked off.

You were angry. Angry at Charlie, angry at everyone, angry at yourself. Almost at your doorstep, a hand on your shoulder stopped you.

"Dearest? I'd like to talk, if that's alright with you."

It was Alastor. Of course it was Alastor.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, a feeling of dread and guilt washing over you, as if he had overheard the entire conversation, and you slowly turned around, swallowing. He didn't seem upset, but his face was calm and serious, not the usual cheerful smile on his lips.

"Of course."

He held the door to your own room open for you, closing it behind him after you entered.

"Take a seat, Darling, if you would."

You sat down, hands in your lap, avoiding his gaze, looking at your carpet with feigned interest. Your heart was hammering against your ribs, a painful stinging sensation in your stomach.

"Darling, would you look at me, please."

With a heavy sigh, you obliged, looking up.

"Al, listen, I'm sorry...", you started, but were interrupted by the radio demon's hand, raising up.

"Please. Let me talk, would you, my dear."

You closed your mouth, and he nodded, a gentle smile on his lips.

"I know I'm a... difficult man. And I am not exactly the best in understanding the feelings of others. I also know that the princess and - under her meticulous orchestration - our fellow residents, are quite adamant in their endeavor to try and push us together."

You swallowed, hard. The way he looked at you made your stomach drop.

"Al, listen, it's alright, I've talked to Charlie and I'll tell the others to stop..."

"Darling, would you PLEASE shut up for a minute?"

The room was suddenly silent. He rarely talked like that to you.

"As I was saying..." He sighed, and you couldn't help but think he was utterly frustrated. You felt horrible. "I don't appreciate it when people assume what I want or don't want."

"Neither do I.", you mumbled, and he let out a laugh.

"That is precisely my point, Darling." Alastor took a few steps towards you, his cane twirling in his hands before he poofed it out of existence. "And as such, I've been pondering for a while how to proceed. The way the others keep pestering us, I thought it's better to clear things up between us."

Your heart sank. So he did overhear your conversation with Charlie, after all. You couldn't blame him. You would've done the same.

"Alastor, I understand..."

"Do you now?", he asked, tilting his head to one side, an incredulous smirk playing on his lips. Lips that were suddenly awfully close to your own. When did he get so close? Why did he get so close?!

Everything slowed down - his arm snaked around your waist, his hand came up to your neck, a thumb caressing the little dip of the bottom of your jaw. Your trembling hands came to rest on his chest, and you felt his heartbeat hammering underneath the fabric of his jacket. His eyes, those beautiful crimson eyes, were fixed on yours, and your breath came out in a shaky sigh before his lips closed over yours, kissing you so softly and sweetly you could barely comprehend what was happening. Your fingers gripped the lapels of his jacket, holding on for dear life, and as he deepened the kiss, you gasped, your whole body tensing, melting, yearning.

It felt like a dream, an out of body experience, and for a short, panicked moment, you felt the cold, hard grip of fear around your heart. What if it was just a dream, and when you wake up, everything is back to the way it was before? What if he would pull away any moment, and apologize, saying he made a mistake?

But the fear disappeared almost immediately, when Alastor hummed contently, and pulled you even closer to him.

You could feel the warmth of his body, the way his hand on your neck got tangled in your hair, how his breath was mingling with yours, and the scent of him filled your nose. The faint smell of spices, old books, wood and something like burnt amber, a scent you would never get enough of.

"Now tell me, dearest, if you understood.", he murmured against your lips, the grin audible in his voice.

"I... might need a little more explanation."

You could almost hear him roll his eyes as he leaned in to kiss you again, and his laughter against your lips made your heart skip more than just one beat. The sound of wood cracking and a loud rumble snapped both of your heads towards your door.

In a pile of heads and limbs, five bodies fell through the splintered wood of your door frame, groaning in pain, the remains of the door still swinging in its hinges.

Alastor looked at the pile of eavesdroppers, a wide, dangerous grin on his face.

"Dear me, what an entrance. I wonder, did the door offend you, or was that the result of a lack of proper manners?"

Angel, being the first to poke his head out of the groaning mess of sinners, pointed at you with one of his arms, the others fisted the air in victory.

"A-HA! WE FUCKING DID IT, fuck yeah!"

Niffty, the next one to crawl out of the pile, nodded eagerly.

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!", she chanted, jumping up and down excitedly on a groaning Husk's back.

Charlie's face came into view, a guilty look on her face as she untangled the others in a hurry, shoving them out of the door.

"Uh, so, sorry, the door was kinda in the way. Didn't want to interrupt anything, sooo, We're just gonna... get back to cooking."

With her tail between her legs, the flustered princess and her entourage vanished faster than the speed of light, leaving you and Alastor alone with your heart pounding fast, your hands still clutching the front of the overlords jacket, and his arms around your waist in a protective embrace, your breaths mingling.

"Would it bother you terribly if I killed them?", Alastor growled low in his throat, his smile widening.

You just couldn't stop grinning. "As tempting as that is... I rather you don't. For now, that is. Ask me again when they are finished cooking."

He returned your smile. "Fair enough, dear."

He closed the gap between you and his lips meet yours halfway in a soft, and most certainly not-enough-to-last-a-lifetime kind of kiss. You thought you could get used to this.

"I'm sure they can handle lunch by themselves, don't you think?", he hummed into your ear. You didn't trust your voice to reply, and simply nodded.

"Wonderful."

Tagging all commenters on 'More than words', because LOVE @mysterypotatoink @ladyzaunis @penelope-potter @lustylita @saints-wrapped-in-plastic @katgirl05 @deadt3tinside and @minkdelovely (for the daily dose of fluff)

[justmeinadaze]

Inescapable: Letters (Steddie X You)

A/N: I give you treat my dear friends. A glimpse into inmate Steddie. I'm going to write a full story but for some reason the idea of them writing back and forth burned into my brain. Think of this as a prequel so to speak.

Enjoy!

Warnings: Older (Early 30s) Prisoner Steddie & Young (Early 20s) Fem college student Y/N, Everything is in letter format. Mentions of smut, some dirty talk, angst (because I'm me), both men were convicted even though they are innocent, near the end we get some glimpses of toxic behavior, Jealous Steddie <3, cliffhanger esc ending.

Word Count: 2918

"You can build a prison of stone and steel, but you merely present the prisoner with a challenge. Any truly determined man will find a way out but love, love is the perfect prison. Inescapable."-- Wilson Fisk (Daredevil)

July 1996

Mr. Munson and Mr. Harrington, 

I know you don’t know me but my name is Y/N Y/L/N and I’m a student here at Hawkins University. I’m supposed to be doing a project for my criminal justice class and with your permission I’d like to do it on you. 

I’m working towards getting my law degree and so many kids in my class are doing theirs on people like Bundy or Gacy. How does that help teach them? I’ve done research on your case and I feel like you both are innocent. Add in the fact that the judge wanted to make “an example” out of you two… it’s ridiculous. 

Neither of you had a prior history of violence and Mr. Harrington, your parents are prominent members of Hawkins! UGH! I just don’t get it. 

Sorry. I went off on a bit of a tangent there… I just hate how you both were treated. 

If you don’t want me to utilize your case for my class I’ll completely understand. If you don’t respond I’ll take that as a no as well. 

Thank you,

--Y/N.

################

July 1996,

Sweetheart,

You have no idea how good it made us feel to have someone reach out to us, let alone agree that we are innocent. Society forgot about us a while ago but thankfully Steve and I have each other. 

And now you we hope : ). 

We have no problem with you doing your project on our case. What do you need from us? Details I imagine but what else? Are we allowed to know more about you? We know your name is Y/N, you’re a law student, and judging by the intoxicating scent that wafted when we opened your letter you smell really fucking good. 

Please feel free to be open with us.  We’re nice guys we swear.

-Eddie

Y/N,

I hope Eddie didn’t come off too strong with his letter. I told him we need to be respectful but like he said people kind of forgot about us. It’s nice to feel appreciated. 

We have no problem with you using us on your project and you don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to. I understand that talking to someone in our circumstances can be a bit scary especially for a young lady like you. 

Are you only going to be speaking with us or do you need to talk to our families to? My parents gave up on me after I was found guilty so they probably won’t be much help. Eddie’s uncle Wayne Munson is a nice guy. You can tell him we sent you and he’ll answer your questions. We also have some friends people who were around the time we were arrested who can help to. 

We look forward to hearing from you, 

-Steve

P.S. You can call us Steve and Eddie. We already feel old enough : )

####################

July 1996

Eddie & Steve, 

Thank you so much! You have no idea how important this is to me. I don’t just want to do this for my class but I’d like to use this case for my graduation project as well. But we don’t have to think about that now. I barely like to think that far ahead so I use the excuse of that is two years away. 

Eddie didn’t come on too strong : ).

I AM a law student and a sophomore at Hawkins U. I’ll be 21 in a few months so I can finally move up to being a bartender at the restaurant I work at. College is expensive but soon it will be worth it. I’m attaching a picture with the letter just so you have an image of who you’re talking to. 

Growing up I heard all about you two. Hawkins High used to have your Hellfire Club, Eddie, but they disbanded it a couple of years before I graduated. The parents said they didn’t think it was right for their kids to belong to a club created by someone such as yourself. Since Dustin Henderson wasn’t there to advocate for you guys anymore…

I don’t have to reach out or talk to anyone you don’t want me to. I know most of the people involved in your case aren’t even in Hawkins anymore. 

I’m so sorry. It must be hard having everyone you know disappear. 

My parents aren’t exactly fans of my chosen profession. My mom hates lawyers since her divorce lawyer wasn’t able to get her more alimony from my father and my dad is cop so enough said hahaha!

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months. He’s a film major and keeps begging me to allow him to do an interview with you two. I keep telling him no. You’re people not circus animals. 

Let’s start with you two telling me whatever makes you comfortable in regard to your case!

-Y/N

####################

December 1996,

Sweetheart,

Merry Christmas! 

Did Wayne give you the presents we bought you? My uncle said it’s important for college girls especially soon to be lawyers to have tape recorders. I’d love to hear if you liked it and if you can use it in your classes. 

It’s been a couple of days since you called. I hope everything is alright. We miss the sound of your voice…

Y/N, I know I can come off a bit forward but I hope I didn’t scare you away by talking to you the way I did during our last conversation. I can’t help it, you know? You’re just so gorgeous and you’ve been so good to us that my brain promptly goes into flirtation mode. 

Anyway, yeah, I want to hear how your Christmas went and if Derek’s family was good to you.

-Eddie

Honey, 

Merry Christmas! 

Ed forgot to mention that we did get your gifts and are incredibly thankful for the books. Since I was arrested I’ve opened my mind when it comes to reading and Munson’s fantasy books at least take me away mentally to a different world. 

He’s right by the way… you are incredibly beautiful. 

Would you be open to seeing us in person? 

Just a nice friendly visit where we can talk about your project and get to know you more. 

If not we completely understand.

-Steve

##########################

February 1997

Eddie & Steve, 

I’m sorry I haven’t come by or answered the phone. After our last visit, I just…

I love Derek but I care about you both so much. When you kissed me We have to keep this professional. Not just because of my boyfriend but because I’m studying to be a lawyer. How would it look if I fell in love started a relationship with inmates I’m working with?

Please understand.

-Y/N

#######################

February 1997

Sweetheart,

We understand but you have to also understand that we’ve never met anyone like you. You’re so kind and beautiful. You listen to what we have to say and actually care about us. I can still feel your lips against mine and nothing in my life has ever tasted as sweet. 

Can you still feel me, princess?

For the first time in almost 11 years, I actually have some hope. 

Does he make you feel like we do, honey? Your heavy breath against my mouth when I kissed you tells me no. I know we’re trapped here for the next 14 years but, baby, we can still take care of you. We just have to be a bit imaginative with certain things but….

No one has to know, baby, not even Derek. 

-Steve & Eddie

#######################

February 1997

Baby, 

Fuck, sweetheart, you have no idea how hearing you touch yourself over the phone got us going. If we could have private phones we would have stroked our cocks for you so you could hear how much you turn us on.

I can still hear your heavy pants in my ear while you fucked your fingers. 

I’m playing with myself right now at the thought of how tight that young little pussy is. Fuck… picturing those sexy hips slam against me as you ride my dick. Do you like it rough or nice and slow? Delicate, just like you, pretty girl. 

Shit. I just came so hard. 

Would you let Steve and I fill you up? Make you really ours?

I wish we could fall asleep with you between us. I’d give anything to hold you in my arms and play with your hair. 

Can’t wait to see you again, princess. 

-Eddie.

############################

April 1997

Honey, 

How did your test go for your class? I’m sorry we weren’t more helpful but I’m glad you brought your stuff to show us what you’ve been working on. It makes us so happy to see you working so hard and achieving your dreams. You deserve all the good things in this world. 

I’ve been thinking about you since we last saw you. Aren’t you glad now you wore that sexy skirt?

God, I can still smell you on my fingers. I loved feeling you cling to my arm as I thrust them into your tight little cunt. We have to work on silencing those moans a bit more : ).

I keep having dreams about your pretty mouth wrapped around my cock just looking up at me with those big, beautiful eyes while I fuck your throat. 

Do you think about us? Tell us all your fantasies, baby. 

We love you. 

-Steve

#######################

April 1997

Eddie & Steve, 

You are such bad boys, you know that? I like it though…

Sometimes when I’m writing to you, Derek will walk by and I feel naughty but giddy. I’m doing something I definitely shouldn’t be doing. When we have sex, I don’t see him anymore. 

I just see you two. 

I wish I could take care of you the way you do me. I want to feel you both inside of me, stretching me open. I want to choke on Steve’s cock and ride Eddie till I can’t walk. I want to feel you both cum inside me and make me yours. 

I love you to…so much… 

I hate to ask this after everything but Derek would like to film you guys for his project. I’ll be there to so you won’t be alone with him and I can use the footage when I start working on my graduation project later down the line. 

After everything, if you don’t want to I completely understand. 

I’ll call you both tomorrow. 

-Y/N

##########################

May 1997

Please, 

I’m so sorry! The prison said you aren’t allow visits for the next month after what happened and you aren’t taking my calls. 

I didn’t know those were the questions he was going to ask you, I swear. 

After the stupid bullshit he pulled, I broke up with him and kicked him out of our apartment. 

I know you both are innocent and I don’t feel the same way he does. 

I love you so much. 

-Y/N

################

May 1997,

Don’t break up with him. He’s right. We’re fucking criminals and—

Y/N,

Eddie is still upset but we do believe that you didn’t know he was going to blind side us. We just needed some time to compose ourselves. The questions Derek asked about those kids, Nancy, and then seeing him kissing you when we walked in just fucking… It was too much. 

Add in the fact that he made some points, you know?

By the time, we get out of here we’ll be in our late 40’s essentially starting over. It’s going to be so hard for us to get a job and other things like a house or a car. People will always look down on us for something we didn’t do but they believe we did. 

You’re going to be this badass attorney with men your age groveling at your high heeled feet to give you the world. 

We’re scared about dragging you down with us. You deserve the world, baby girl.

Just give us a bit more time, ok? During this time, I want you to think about if being with us is the life you really want. Really think about it, Y/N. 

We love you to… no matter what.

--Steve & Eddie

###########################

August 1997

Eddie & Steve, 

I’m sitting in my first class this semester and I am already exhausted. I started my new job at The Hideout and I left at like 3am. I got some good tips though so that will help with tuition. I can also send you guys anything if you need something. 

I heard your appeal was denied again. 

I’m so sorry.

With cases like yours, it’s so hard to get those pushed through and approved. 

I’m thinking about you two every minute. When I crashed, I kept wishing I had your arms around me. 

I’ll call you tonight before my shift. 

I love you!

-Y/N

########################

August 1997, 

Baby, 

Yeah, we’re kind of over it now. After so many denials, you just kind of give up trying. It was like that with my dad and his case. Then again he was just a repeat offender and I’m a murderer so.

You didn’t tell us you were working at The Hideout. I used to play my guitar there with my band when I thought I would be a rockstar. I’m not gonna be anything now.

I’m sorry, sweetheart. I guess we’re just a bit low right now. 

I wish we could be there with you to. I want to fall asleep to your voice talking to me about everything. I could listen to you talk for hours, babe. 

Don’t overwork yourself. 

Love you,

--Eddie 

Honey, 

You never have to worry about sending us anything in here. We make enough money and then Wayne gives Eddie some to get by. 

My mom was there at our appeal. It was nice seeing her face again after all this time even though she didn’t talk to me or stick around to meet with me at the prison. 

I imagine my father didn’t know she was there. 

I agree with Munson, don’t over work yourself. 

We miss you. 

--Steve

######################

October 1997,

Y/N, 

We didn’t mean to scare you, baby, when you came to visit. We just… you were supposed to come visit us last week and you didn’t. You don’t answer when we call. 

We get worried. 

Please, sweetheart, answer the phone so we can talk. 

We love you, pretty girl. 

--Eddie

#######################

October 1997,

FUCK YOU! 

You don’t get to treat me the way you did when I took time out of my day to come to see you! Steve, you have no right shouting at me and degrading me in front of all your cell block friends. Eddie, you don’t get to grab my wrist and command that I “Lower my voice” when you both are sitting there talking down to me. 

The three of us know you weren’t worried about me but fucking jealous I’ve been brushing you off for someone else! 

I have shown you both nothing but respect and opened my heart to you from day one!

I’m sorry your both in the situation you are in. I genuinely am but I have given you no reason to think I’d ever hurt you by fucking cheating on you. 

I wouldn’t put my career and heart on the line like I have just to fucking throw it away that way. 

--Y/N

######################

October 1997

Little girl, 

I know you get off on being a bad girl but we swear to God, Y/N. You don’t get to talk to us the way you did during our visit. We understand that you have a busy life but that doesn’t give you the right to not show up or not answer the phone when you say you will. 

We may be convicts but we still have feelings. 

Telling us to “fuck off” or saying that bratty shit you said like “I’m sorry I’m busy” is not ok. 

Respect is earned. 

Let’s also not forget, Y/N, that you cheated on your boyfriend with us. It’s not farfetched for us to think you may spread your legs for more tips at the bar you work at. 

Don’t play this game with us, princess. You won’t win. 

Eddie & Steve

#########################

October 1997

Edward Munson & Steven Harrington, 

I always win and I have more self-respect than you both seem to think I do. 

We’re done. 

--Y/N

#########################

October 1997

Ed and Stev, 

I hate you sooooooo much. I fell in love wit you and did things with u I’ve never done with ANYONE! Except fucking obviously : ). I never did get to feel those “big cocks” streting tearing me open. Why is that? Oh yeah…because youre in jail!

I was willing to wait bcause I loved you. I didn’t care if you’d be 40 someting when you got out. You will NEVER find someone like me again. 

I’ll move on though. Always do.

Hey check out this cute boy I met. I took a picture of him sucking my neck. I’m not drunk enough to send a video but you can use your imagination. 

You’re good at that especially when u r imagining me cheating on you with men like him. 

Assholes…

--Y/N

######################

October 30th, 1997

Trick or treat, little girl.

See you tonight. 

--Steve & Eddie

##########

Donate to me

@nailbatanddungeon @dashingdeb16 @hardladyheart @thwippyparker @micheledawn1975 @utterlyinsanity

[navybrat817]

Aggressively texting Bucky: "How dare you be this fucking cute?!"

Seriously! How is he so cute?!

A Couple of Cuties

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Bucky's cute. He knows it. You know it. You just need to admit it. Word Count: 1.2k Warnings: Flirting, tension, banter, implied sexy times, Bucky Barnes (yep, he's a warning) A/N: Happy Sinday! Set in the same universe as The Rejects. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

You weren't sure how game nights became your thing with Bucky. Maybe it was because it was how the two of you got together. You looked forward to them, especially since they had a tendency to end the same way: The "loser" of a chosen game stripping and the "winner" eventually losing their clothes, too. Both of you were winners by the time you got to bed or the nearest surface he felt like taking you on. Tonight would be no exception.

If you didn't smack him first.

"It's cute that you think I'm cute. Nothing wrong with that."

You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow at Bucky. He had his signature panty-dropping smirk on his face as he stared back at you from across the table. It was a battle of wills and you were determined not to blink. You refused to let him win. And you refused to acknowledge his cuteness.

I won't think about his adorable smile or his sweet laugh when I crack a joke or the way his eyes go soft when I catch him staring.

"When did I say you're cute?" You asked, finally blinking when you had to. He still hadn't, his deep blue eyes laser focused as he stared.

Of course, he beat me. Damn super soldier and his skills. How the hell can anyone go that long without blinking?

"You say it with your eyes and your smile, just like I say it to you," he replied, holding his phone up as you raised your chin defiantly. Even though his words made your heart swell, you didn’t let it show out of sheer stubbornness. "You also sent me a text. Would you like me to read it to you?"

"I don't need you to-"

"How dare you be this fucking cute?!" he read, trying and failing to imitate your voice.

I sound nothing like that. And I regret hitting "send" on that text message.

"You think because the text came from my phone that I sent it? How do you know Nat or someone didn't take my phone? I mean, face it, you have no proof that I'm the one who sent that message," you said, checking your nails to avoid his gaze. "Maybe someone wanted to give you an ego boost. Not like you need one, but good for them for the effort."

The adorable nose scrunch was out in full force as he laughed and you no doubt had hearts in your eyes as the sound bounced off the walls. The fact that he could relax around you after he faced so many horrors was a wonderful feeling. "Nat has never called me cute and I'm pretty sure she was with Steve when I got this message," he pointed out as he leaned across the table and booped you on the nose with a vibranium finger when you lifted your gaze. "But you think I'm cute and I think that's adorable."

"I'm sorry, but did Sergeant Barnes just boop my nose? You actually booped my nose. We may have to take your badass card away and replace it with a ‘boop boop’."

"No deflecting and badasses can still give and receive boops," he said as he settled back in his chair. "You sent the message. We both know it."

"I did not," you stated.

Bucky licked his lips, drawing your attention to them. You wanted to feel them against yours. You needed them on your skin and between your legs. "You did."

"I did not," you repeated, your voice steady as his gaze moved down to your chest. Can a man actually touch you with his eyes? Logic told you it was physically impossible, but it didn’t stop your body from imagining that he could do so.

"You did, but do you know what's cuter?” He asked, leaning back as he grasped the bottom of his blue Henley and pulled it over his head. “You in my clothes.”

“It’s cute when I’m wearing your clothes?” You questioned, catching the garment as he tossed it your way. The whiff of his cologne made you shiver, along with something that had to come from the serum. You noticed that Steve had a hint of a similar scent to Bucky, but the Captain’s didn’t make your heart race the way the former Winter Soldier’s did. “I was going for sexy.”

“It’s very sexy,” he promised, the praise heating up your skin before he gestured to himself. “But if you don’t admit that I’m cute, you won’t get any of this tonight.”

It was your turn to laugh as you swapped out your top for Bucky’s, watching his eyes darken as you slipped it on. You did look good in his clothes. “You’re going to withhold sex from me? Please. I have a toy with your name on it that’ll do the job just fine.”

Your boyfriend smiled at your words. “Aww. You named a toy after me? That’s flattering. Do you call him Bucky? James? Sergeant? Don’t hold back on me, doll. I wanna know the details.”

“You know, the text was your fault since you decided to send me a selfie,” you defended yourself, changing the subject. It was a cute photo of him. One of many. Of course, you had to say something.

“Maybe I can fuck you with the toy first,” he suggested, your inhale sharp and quick as his voice dropped. It didn’t take long for you to feel his hand on your knee, moving dangerously slow up your leg. “Because you look so cute right before you let go. Your mouth falls open slightly and the sweetest little whine slips out. And almost a look of surprise when you gush around me, like no one else has ever made you come so hard.”

No one else ever has.

“I take it back. You’re not cute. You’re the devil,” you argued breathlessly as your legs parted, allowing his hand to glide up more.

“If I’m the devil, come and sin with me,” he smirked, his hand stopping just before it reached the middle of your thighs. “And for you to take it back is an admission that you do think I’m cute. But if you won't say it...”

“Fine, you smug bastard! I admit it. I sent it because you’re cute. You’re fucking adorable. Living proof that you can be a beast and a sweetheart,” you said as he grinned, grasping his wrist and bringing his hand to your clothed core, the fabric soaked thanks to him. “And thanks to you, I’m all wet. So either do something about it or no game nights for a month.”

His nostrils flared, knowing it wasn’t just a threat. You also knew there was no way in hell he could last that long without your game nights. He cherished them just as much as you did. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would. I can play with my toy in the meantime if you’re not up for the job,” you smirked, grinding slowly against his hand. “Cutie.”

You would tell Bucky later just how cute he looked when he knocked the table out of the way to get to you. He would make sure you weren’t sore since he fucked you on the floor. It was endearing how much he cared for your well-being.

You expected nothing less from a cutie like Bucky Barnes.

These two. 😂 I hope you lovelies liked it! Love and thanks for reading. 💙

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[spookwyrdie]

Sweet Spot {part 1}

{part 1}{part 2}{part 3}{part 4}{part 5}{part 6}

Baker Felix x Florist reader

summary: You're putting together the floral arrangements for your ex's wedding as a favor, forgetting how passive aggressive he can be about your love life. Fortunately for you, one of your best friend's in the world comes over to feed you sugar and make you a sweet offer to get back at your ex. genre: fluff, smut, angst if you squint // word count: 2.8k // warnings: adult dialogue, sexual themes, wet dream // a/n: Trying out something longer and fluffier this time! If you'd like to be on the taglist, reply to this post or send me an ask 🥰

(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

I have only posted this here and on AO3 - user: spookwyrdie

You should have never agreed to do this. Your fingers were sore from wire wrapping all the different bouquets, one for each bridesmaid, the ring bearer’s pillow, and the flower girl. So far, you were only halfway done with the floral arch and hadn’t even gotten to start on the table settings yet. There were bits of torn leaves, crushed flower petals, and feathers strewn around your apartment, trying to deal with the last minute changes in aesthetic that the bride asked for.

 The shift from a classic summer bouquet to something more bohemian wasn’t impossible, but it was a challenge with the wedding a week away. It definitely wasn’t your favorite aesthetic in the world, but you were determined to make it work.

The question of why you had agreed to do this at a quarter of your normal fee was beginning to fester in your mind, especially for your ex’s wedding. 

You and Johnny were amicable, sure. Civil might be a better word for it. You didn’t have any leftover romantic feelings for the man - that ship had sailed ages ago. The main problem you had now with him is that he always seemed to be in competition with you, always trying to steal your thunder or diminish your accomplishments. It was always underhanded and passive aggressive and you didn’t have the energy to really push back.

Speaking of the devil, your phone pings with a text message.

❌J: hey y/n, just checking in about the florals. Jenny is freaking out and wants an update you: working on them now! [image attached]  ❌J: wow! Hard at work! Is this the bride’s bouquet? you: yep! Putting the finishing touches on it now’s ❌J: it looks really busy, are you sure this is what she asked for? you: yes. I promise I’m following her vision that we spoke about during our last consultation. ❌J okay! just making sure! I know some of these changes need a quick turn around. ❌J: oh also… ❌J: i wanted to chat with you about something you: ? ❌J: I know things have been a little rough in the dating department for you lately but you still officially have a plus one to the wedding, in case you wanted to bring your sister or someone! you: …thanks.  you: Don’t know where the idea that I’m struggling with dating came from, but I appreciate the plus one. ❌J: I had just heard through the grapevine is all. ❌J: there’s someone out there for everyone! You’ll find them eventually. ❌J: like me and Jenny! We were just made for each other 💕 you: okay, Johnny! Great chatting, I’ll get back to work now! 

You swipe out of the text thread and pinch your brow, the feeling of a building tension headache settling right between your eyes. His audacity is always bewildering, he can have such a sickeningly sweet tone while making sure to get a jab or two in to hurt you. 

Sure, you haven’t had a solid relationship since the two of you broke up, but he doesn’t have to rub your nose in it. The relationship ended amicably enough once you both graduated from college, realizing that the two of you were drifting apart as you pursued your respective careers. Staying civil made it easier to maintain the friend group, neither of you had any real reason to be upset with the other. That didn’t mean you were close, you still kept your distance.

 When he had gotten engaged, you were genuinely pleased for him, and a little relieved. Sometimes, when you’d run into each other at parties, he would make it a point to find you and tell you how well he was doing. You’d get the feeling that he was trying to showboat his accomplishments - he always wanted to tell you all about his successes, all the great things going on in his life. 

He got a great job at some law firm, a promotion and another promotion. Then he had met Jenny, they got engaged, and wasn’t it just so cute that their names were so similar? Jenny and Johnny, Johnny and Jenny! It became their whole personality as a couple and he’d corner you to tell you about how amazing she is and how he had never met anyone who just got him like she did. Every time you’d deal with this, you felt like he had poured corn syrup on you with how saccharine he sounded.

He’d hear about your ebb and flow of love and give you such a pitying look. “Oh you haven’t been dating? That’s too bad, there’s someone out there for everyone! Just look at me and Jenny!” Just throwing small digs in your direction that flew under the radar for most of your friends. 

But you knew. 

You knew he was always trying to make you feel like you had “lost” the break-up. 

~~~

A knock at the door brings you back to the present moment. 

“Y/n~! It’s me! Open up,” a deep voice lilts in a sing-song voice. 

You shake your head, trying to snap out of your shitty mood to answer the door. On your doorstep is one of the best things that came into your life with his ice blond hair, freckles, and a smile that could light up an entire room. Before you can say anything, Felix barges past you into your apartment, holding two paper bags with the bakery’s logo on it.

“I brought some new flavors for you to try, I’m experimenting for the springtime,” he says as he starts unpacking travel pastry boxes with different colored cakes inside.

“Ugh, please don't talk to me about weddings right now,” you sigh. He pauses his unpacking.

“What’s up? You sound like someone kicked your dog.” 

“I just had the most passive aggressive interaction with my ex, Johnny.”

You open the text thread to show him. 

“This is your ex?”

“Yep.”

“Damn, he’s not even being subtle about it.”

“Nope.”

The room is silent for a split second before Felix brightens up again. 

“Well fuck that, the flowers look great, despite the boho bad taste. Come try these new cake flavors I’ve been playing with! Sugar always cheers me up.”

You give him a small smile, he always knows exactly how to bring a little optimism into a shitty situation. “Sure Felix, what have you got for me?”

Soon, you have 4 plates and forks out for the different cake concoctions.

“I’ve been playing around with different florals and citrus for spring, so here we have a lavender cake with key lime frosting. Over here, we have an earl grey cake with lemon curd and lemon buttercream. Then we’ve got a vanilla cake with a pistachio filling and a rose buttercream. Finally we have a jasmine green tea cake with yuzu curd and a vanilla glaze,” Felix says, bouncing on his toes. 

“Okay, Mary Berry! They all sound delicious.”

“You have to be one hundred percent honest with me, I want actual feedback on these!” He grabs your shoulders and looks deep into your eyes, your heart skipping a beat briefly at his intensity. He looks so eager for you to try his different concoctions. Most couples weren’t looking for anything too extreme in the way of flavors, most opting for a basic white cake and buttercream, so you knew Felix loved to share the uncommon combinations he came up with.

They were all so beautiful, perfectly cut out and frosted with care. You picked up your fork enthusiastically.

“Fuck, Felix, that’s delicious,” you say, savoring the citrus flavors. Every single one you tried was more delicious than the last. Your favorite had to be the earl grey and lemon. “This one tastes like how a springtime tea party feels.”

He smiles at you, his eyes crinkling into little crescent moons, his freckles stand out when he smiles so brightly.

“Thanks, it’s always nice when I get to play around with flavor,” he says, leaning back into his seat. As he stretches, his shirt rides up to reveal a small expanse of the bare skin where his hip meets his lower belly, the lean muscle definition standing out in the lamp light. You tear your eyes away when you realize you’ve been lingering your gaze on the scant inch of skin.

 “Oh my god, did tell you?” Felix blurts out suddenly. “I’ve been working with this couple for an upcoming wedding. Absolute nightmare. Terrible taste! Guess what they finally settled on for their flavor.”

“I don’t know, something basic I bet.”

“Fucking mint chocolate chip.”

“Mint chocolate??? For a cake???” You reel back in horror. What on earth kind of combo was that for a wedding cake?

“They insisted on it!” he says, throwing his hands in the air. “Well, the bride did. The groom was never at any of these sampling appointments. She was onher own and really pushing for something unique.”

“I guess it’s unique to make your guests hate you for your choice of cake flavor,” you say, grimacing at the thought of a mint chocolate cake. “Disgusting.”

“I feel bad for their wedding guests. That’s such a controversial flavor for ice cream, I can’t imagine how it’ll go down for the entire reception.”

You hum in agreement, picking up your fork and finishing off the last of your cake in one frosting heavy bite. 

“Y/n you’ve got a little-“ he reaches up, gently holding your chin. 

His gaze softens as he looks at your lips and you freeze in place. Your heart picks up speed, hammering in your chest, at this gentle touch. He doesn’t know that you have had a thing for him for years now, but you’ll never tell him. You love having him as a friend too much to ruin it, he’s the one spot of sunshine on dreary days. There’s no chance he’d reciprocate your feelings, he could literally date anyone the way strangers constantly fall in love with him at first glance.

But right now, he’s focused on your lips, his thumb brushing them carefully, swiping the bit of frosting that was left from your last bite.

“Oh my god!” You force out a laugh, pulling out of his grasp in embarrassment. Taking a napkin, you start furiously wiping your mouth. “Sorry! It was really good!”

“That’s the perfect kind of response to one of my baked goods!” He smiles, licking the frosting off of his thumb. Your heart leaps into your throat. 

Felix never seems to notice the effect he has on people, overwhelming charm, the magnetic pull he has on anyone within 10 ft of him. When the two of you worked at the old cafe together, you’d take a mental tally of the number of customers that would leave with hearts in their eyes after ordering coffee from him. You thought that after five years of friendship you could get used to it via exposure therapy, but his allure slams you in the chest all the time.  You try to keep yourself grounded in reality when he tugs at heartstrings like this - he does this with everyone so you try not to lose your head. But the way he’s looking at you now, leaning in close with fierce affection in his eyes, makes the delusion that he feels the same about you seem almost real.

You giggle nervously and move to tidy things up from the table after you two are done sampling. Felix leans against the counter, watching you, as you start washing the plates.

“I have an idea,” he says. “For your plus-one situation.”

“Okay, shoot.” 

“What if you take me as your date?”

“Be serious, Felix,” you chuckle.

“I am being serious, I clean up real good,” he says, grabbing at your waist playfully.

“Oh!” A fork slips out of your hand and clatters into the sink. “I mean- you don’t have to do that.”

“Nah, I’d like to! Think about it, it’d be perfect, Johnny has no idea who I am and I can brag you up while I’m there. Rub his nose in it for a change.”

“I-“

“Just think it over, no rush. I think it’d be real fun though!” 

You look at him blankly for a moment, your heart thumping in your chest again. “ Yeah, I’ll think it over.”

~~~

Your eyes are closed when you feel a pair of hands slink around your body, drawing you into a chest of hard, lean muscle. The scent like an apple orchard on a rainy autumn morning greets you, petrichor and wood mixed with something crisp and sweet, enveloping you in a sense of comfort. You look up to see who’s arms embrace you to find Felix hovering over you, deep brown eyes locked onto yours. You’re so close you could count the freckles on his cheeks and give a name to each one. He hums as he pulls you in closer, a deep resonance vibrating through his chest, warming you in more ways than one. 

Tell me it’s real, he says, almost silently.

It’s real, you reply. 

He leans down to capture your lips, pausing above you to nudge his nose against yours and smile. 

I’ve waited so long for this, he says as he finally presses his lips against yours softly. His movements are gentle but insistent, trying to communicate with you, speaking quietly of the years of yearning that have been building. Your skin sings with the way his hands splay on your lower back, pushing your pelvis into him as he presses his tongue against your lips, asking for permission. The kiss deepens and you fall further into him, molding yourself against him. Your hands wind their way into his hair, those ice blond strands wrapped up in your grasp.

A small tug has him detaching from your mouth in a gasp, arching into you ever so slightly as his eyes flutter shut. His fingers find purchase in your plush hips, gripping into you harshly as he yanks you even closer to his body, no space between your body and his. Your breasts press into him, feeling his every breath move against you. He groans at the feel of you before he wraps you up into another kiss, this one more fervent. The way your soft body fits against his so well has his tongue dancing with yours, surging into you then backing away, teasing you until your body feels like it’s on fire. 

You whimper into his mouth when he shifts, coaxing your feet apart to slot his thigh between your legs. He bears down on your hips, pressing your core against his flexed muscle. Liquid heat pools in your belly as he starts rocking against you, feeling his length against your hip, pleading for friction. His hands snake down to grab onto your ass, kneading into the thick flesh, controlling the pace of your grinding into him.

You feel that arousal building inside of you, the tension has you clenching while you rut your hips against him. You feel how wet your panties have become as they slide over your clit, your hips stuttering against him, nearing your peak. 

Felix, I’m- you start to say but he cuts you off with a kiss.

Come for me, y/n, he murmurs against your lips. I want all of you. I wanna feel you lose control.

His words have you moaning, your brow furrowing as your hips shake. He holds you steady as he bounces his leg slightly to add extra pressure. You gasp, feeling your muscles tighten.

Give it all to me, he whispers against your lips. It belongs to me.

His voice sounds distant as you feel yourself coming to the edge. 

Suddenly, your eyes flutter open. You find yourself in bed, thrusting pitifully against your pillow, your heart racing and your skin flush with arousal. As you start to pull yourself out of the dream you were so wrapped up in, your orgasm shatters through you, moaning into the dark of your room. Your legs shake as your core muscles flutter, throbbing at the thought of Felix’s mouth on yours. As you start to come down from your high and settle into reality, you can feel your own pulse in your clit, your legs tangled in your sheets with a pillow between your legs, forehead glistening with sweat. 

It felt so real, like you could actually feel the ghost of his hands on your ass rocking you against his body, his groans ricocheting in your chest. You haven’t had a dream like that in ages, it was so vivid. You wanted it to be real so badly.

That settles it. You reach for your phone, the light piercing through the darkness, staring at the clock that reads 4:26 AM. Opening your messaging app, you type out a quick text and hit send.

you: okay Felix, let’s do it. Will you be my plus one?

[daisynik7]

hello it's me again not sure if it's alright to request one more (literally just ignore this if not) and its also not y2k but i'd like to request work song by hozier for nanami especially "no grave can hold my body down, i'd crawl home to her" angst with a happy ending during/post shibuya (no dying please) and reader is also a healer like shoko

thank you so much and congrats again 🫶🏼

Work Song

No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her

Pairing: Nanami x f!reader

Word Count: ~1.6k

cw: mentions of d*ath, bl*od, burn injuries, canon-divergent, set in the canon-universe during the Shibuya Incident Arc, MAJOR spoilers up to Shibuya Arc, angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship, happy ending

Summary: You’re a healer working with Shoko inside the medical tent at Shibuya Station while Nanami, your boyfriend, is in the line of fire for the battle ahead. After an especially life-threatening attack, Nanami, on the brink, runs into an old friend, who helps guide him back home. 

Author’s Note: @75songs thank you so much for sending in another request for the y2k karaoke party, always appreciate your love and support! I ADORE this song and have honestly always thought it was perfect for Nanami. I am an anime only and am not caught up with season 2 yet, so I didn’t want to read too much into what exactly happens during this arc, so some of the details may be inaccurate, just a heads up. This one got me in my feelings. I will forever hold a grudge against Gege for what they did to Nanami. Anyways, likes, reblogs, and/or comments are always appreciated! Thanks so much for reading! Divider by @/saradika.

October 31st. Maybe in another timeline, another reality, you and Nanami would be celebrating Halloween tonight, passing colorful candies and decadent chocolates to kids going door-to-door across the neighborhood. You’d force him to dress up in a silly costume, one that matches yours, despite his reluctance at first. Deep down, you know he likes this; domestic bliss, especially with you. The idea that the two of you could live a peaceful life together, away from the dangerous world of curses and Jujutsu sorcery. You discuss it constantly, dream about it, strive for it. A few more years, he says, and he’ll retire. There’s still more work to be done, people to be saved. 

You’re inside the medical tent beside Shoko, helping her set up the cots, anticipating injured sorcerers to arrive soon with the battle underway. Masamichi Yaga, Jujutsu High’s principal, stands guard outside, determined to keep the medical team, especially Shoko, safe from any posing threats. There’s no way to know what’s happening until people start arriving, in need of medical attention. You’re a healer too, but not nearly as skilled as Shoko, your mentor. Still, she encourages you to join them tonight, needing all the help they can get. 

“Are you feeling okay?” she asks, setting up the last bed. Observant as ever, she notices your quiet demeanor.

You nod, giving her a weak, unconvincing smile. “Yeah.”

“Nanami is going to be fine,” she assures you, sensing the root of your anxiety. “When this is all done, the two of you should take a vacation together.”

Relaxing a bit, you reply, “We already have our trip to Malaysia planned in a few months.”

She smiles kindly. “There you go. Something to look forward to.”

Her words ease some of the tension, but there’s dread settling in the pit of your stomach, and it won’t go away until you see Nanami again in one piece. 

The waiting game finally ends as soon as the first wounded sorcerer shows up in the tent, initiating nonstop chaos. You assist Shoko diligently, making sure everything is prepared for her to perform her Reverse Cursed Technique for those who need it, and patching up those who don’t, with less severe injuries. You’re constantly on the lookout to see a familiar face, trying to get an update on what’s happening out there. None comes, until you see Kiyotaka Ijichi limping towards the entrance, blood spread across his shirt. You and Shoko rush towards him, carrying him over your shoulders, leading him to an empty cot, gently laying him down. 

Shoko, showing panic on her face for the first time all night, inspects him carefully. “Ijichi, can you hear me?” She’s always had a soft spot for him, often telling you how endearing she finds him, always a nervous wreck in front of her. Seeing him like this is surely jarring, even for her, who’s as tough as nails. 

He nods weakly, mumbling something incoherent, blood sputtering from his mouth. You remove the shattered glasses from his eyes, wiping his lips with gauze. Shoko starts to work on him, directing you to check on the other patients. Before you can follow orders, you feel his weak grip on your wrist. You turn to face him, focused on his lips as he quietly utters, “Nanami.”

Your ears perk up at the mention of your boyfriend’s name, leaning in closer to hear the rest of what he has to say, taking his time through labored breaths. “He…saved…me…” 

You do your best to keep your composure, nodding at him silently, blinking away the tears welling in your eyes. Unsure how to respond, you leave them, going to the other side of the tent to check on the remaining sorcerers. 

With everyone else in stable condition, you take a minute outside the tent to sob into your hands, praying that Nanami is still alive. Unaware of your surroundings, you’re startled when Yaga approaches, his large figure sitting beside you. “You alright?”

You wipe away your sniffles on your sleeve. “Just…nervous.”

He crosses his arms over his chest, sighing. “Yeah, I get it. But Nanami is one of our strongest sorcerers. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

Again, more words of comfort, but not enough to ease the nervous flutter in your belly. Yaga recognizes this and adds, “Nanami would fight through the fires of hell instead of letting himself die. Not because he wants to live for himself. But because he wants to live for you.”

You face him now, processing his statement. He chuckles, lifting his sunglasses to meet your gaze. “That man has never been so smitten in his life. He’d crawl out his grave just to be with you, I guarantee it.”

~~~

The last thing Nanami remembers is desperately wishing he was in Malaysia with you instead of at Shibuya Station right now. He wakes up, sitting in one of the seats on the platform. It’s eerily quiet with no one in sight. The distinct sounds of trains on the rails or the hustle and bustle of people moving along is strangely absent, and it occurs to Nanami that this may be a dream. 

He's sure of it when he feels a nudge to his side, turning to face Yu Haibara sitting next to him. There’s a warm smile on his boyish face, dressed in his Jujutsu High uniform, exactly as he was many years ago when Nanami last saw him, alive and well. The same bright, earnest eyes he remembers vividly of his best friend. He swallows hard, an uneasy feeling surrounding him. Is he seeing a ghost? Or is this the afterlife?

Haibara laughs, and Nanami is snapped out of his reverie and taken immediately back to 2006, when he first met his friend during orientation. He can’t help but grin, happy to see him still so lively. “Well, aren’t you going to greet your old friend, Nanami?”

Nanami does, hugging him, astonished to feel him in his arms almost like a real person. Almost. “What are you doing here?”

“Just came to visit you, that’s all.”

Nanami lets him go, studying him carefully, looking for any signs of decay. When he spots none, he asks him, “Am I dead?”

Haibara shakes his head. “Not quite. But you’re pretty damn close.”

“I am?”

“Yeah. So you better hurry and get home quick.” Haibara points towards the railings, now illuminated at one end by a blinding flash of light. “Yuji’s waiting for you.”

“Itadori? How do you know – “

Haibara then says your name with a big smile. “Yeah, I know her too. They’re all waiting for you, Nanami. You don’t want to keep them waiting any longer, do you?”

It takes a while for Nanami to get up, and when he does, he’s off balance, legs wobbly, body unsteady. Haibara helps him, offering his shoulder, the two of them walking slowly towards the light. “I really like her, you know. Your girlfriend.”

“You do?” Nanami asks, hobbling beside him. 

“Yeah. She’s really nice, really pretty, and she eats a lot, especially with you,” he chuckles. “You know how much I like that.”

“Yeah I do.”

“And I’m a good judge of character, so I think she’s perfect for you. If that means anything,” he says, proudly.

“It does. It means a lot.” They’re near the edge of the platform now and Nanami will have to hop down to reach the end of the tunnel. 

“Are you going to marry her soon?” Haibara asks, pausing just before the edge. 

Nanami nods, grinning. “I’m planning to propose during our vacation in Malaysia.” 

“Good. Good.”

He’s tempted to stay longer, wanting a few more moments with his friend, but he knows that time is ticking. He hugs him again, squeezing him tight. “Take care, Haibara.”

“You too, Nanami. I’ll be looking out for you.”

His chest constricts, jumping off the platform, landing roughly on the railings, blinking away the tears in his eyes. It’s sweltering now, the light emitting an intense heat from within. He gives Haibara one last glance, cherishing the happy expression on his face as he waves goodbye to him before walking into the light.

Seconds later, Nanami wakes up with a gasp of breath, vision blurred, a droning pounding beating against his ear drums. It soon fades and only Yuji’s panicked voice yelling from behind him is heard. He’s being dragged by the armpits, away from the battle. Smoke radiates from his entire form, and he can barely move. In fact, he can barely feel anything at all. 

They reach the medical tent, Itadori yelling for help the whole way. Yaga is the first to reach them, his usual calm demeanor wavering at the sight of Nanami, body half-burned from the explosion. They carrying him delicately inside, resting him on the only empty cot left. He wants to close his eyes; he’s so exhausted, and sleep is the only thing to bring him peace right now. That, or you. 

As if his prayers were heard, you appear at his side, truly a vision, even while you sob for him, holding his mangled hand in yours, begging for him to stay with you. He can die happy now, seeing your face, knowing that you’re here, alive, heart beating, surviving. Can he do the same? Can he survive this? All he knows is that he’s trying with every fiber he has left in his being. He won’t leave you, not like this. Not without experiencing life on the outside with you. 

It’s in this moment that he vows to endure. Even if he has to crawl out of his grave to do it, he’s determined to be with you again. 

~~~ 

November 1st. Maybe in another timeline, another reality, Nanami is gone. Not in this one, though. Instead, you sit beside him, healed and in one piece thanks to Shoko, fingers laced with his, careful not to squeeze too tightly. Yuji and Ino are at his other side, talking animatedly about how amazing Nanami was the entire fight, and all he can do is lay there, smiling. Happy to be alive. Happy to be with you. 

[fidenciocryptidcreechur]

sebek Zigvolt deserves more appreciation

him & rook hunt

They're just

I just

I just like them as so much as characters.

rook is unapologetically himself. He stays true to himself and his ideals no matter what anyone says. Even though literally everyone, including his closest friend Vil, thinks he's weird and even off-putting. Don't get me wrong about Vil. He and Rook are amazingly close but there are multiple instances where Vil finds Rook irritating. He is often told in some manner to curb himself, to tone down his passion for finding the beauty & positivity in all things. All he does is be unabashedly genuine & passionate & artistic & honest. He's also one of the few characters who is relatively kind to Game Canon You from beginning to end in game Canon. In multiple instances in his dialogue he invites others to join him in his hobbies and activities and despite being faced w/ hostility. Even on his birthday, Malleus did not want to go despite sending an invite-which yes Mal can have preferences - but still the fact that the King of lonely rejects an invite shows how fairly isolated Rook is. Yet despite criticism from all around, he maintains this unending positivity & drive to improve. I love Rook hunt

Sebek too. He is a very driven & honest Character. In multiple vignettes he is shown to be helpful, to Show care, to Show admiration for skill in his peers. Yes, he is standoffish. However, he is not deceitful nor manipulative nor does he seem to intend harm unlike a great deal of many especially early on. A lot of comments about humans seem to stem from internalized racism. There is a lot of canonical instances discrimination against fae, especially those who are notably different dwarves & the pixies. So it would be unsurprising if Sebek also grew up under discrimination AND scrutiny both from human community & the fae Community. We know that his grandfather Baul is very vocal about his disapproval of his fae daughter's marriage w/ a human. Yet despite this, he still does his best & still clearly cares. He grew up w/ parents who went against a lot of opposition to be together and are very loving and likely took some of that determination & attitude w/ him in life. He will give praise for skill and will help those he can. His circumstances & upbringing (Scrutiny & discrimination from both fae & humans, even his own grandfather though he mentions that progress has been made there). Despite all of this, he is doing his best and is a wonderfully genuine and honest and expressive and determined guy

So yeah

I love Sebek and Rook. They're great characters and I think they need more appreciation.

also these 2 put the Sebek appreciation way more eloquently than I

[hwnglx]

this was a complex and long one. the more i read on wonyoung, the more in awe i get of her. like wow we all need to learn a thing or two from this girl. she's a queen.

wonyoung's real personality behind the scenes

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

shuffled song: 28 reasons by seulgi

+ so unsurprisingly, this girl is a professional through and through. very common pattern for people who entered the industry at an early age. hard work in the entertainment business comes to them astoundingly easy. (something i saw for ni-ki previously)

she's just as polished and sophisticated off cam, as she is on cam. very focused on maintaining a clean image even behind the scenes, she's aware that's what can make or break a public figure. quite a few idols put on an angel act when cameras are on them, but allow themselves to be reckless beyond closed doors. wonyoung knows people talk, there's this sense of a continuously cautious “trust nobody” in her. this is something that sets her apart from many others. wonyoung is very aware that things will get out eventually, so she's incredibly eager to withhold a flawless reputation even behind the scenes. she's also extremely protective of what is hers, whether that's her material possessions (money, expensive or cherished items), the image she's worked hard on maintaining, her loved ones and cherished relationships. wonyoung puts a lot of value into keeping them in check, making sure they're taken care of.

i looked up her mars sign and immediately went “aaah” as soon as i saw it's in virgo, because she seems to be outstanding at planning. wonyoung is very calculated, everything she does she's fully aware of. she always acts while exactly knowing the effects it has on, not only herself, but the people around her. this is also a quality she doesn't only use for her own good, but many people around her seem to appreciate. since she's incredibly intuitive, she can combine those two qualities, which makes for a person who's great at identifying and reading situations, and wisely acting according to this profuse intuition. for example, if someone she's close to is telling her about their struggles, she not only is great at making them feel cared about and listened to, offering them emotional understanding and support, but also excellent at grasping the problem and conflict, and providing the person with helpful solutions on how to act. random thought, but i could see her being a pretty good psychologist, or lawyer. (did she ever talk about wanting to work in medicine or law if she wasn't an idol?)

wonyoung is very smart. not only emotionally intelligent, but also very eloquent. great at speaking and finding the right words at the right time. there's also a lot of drive in this girl, like so much. she has a very determined attitude, which can be contagious to the people around her. amazing at pulling people out of situations that seem hopeless, and giving them courage to move forward. a very good team player, she's capable of adjusting to her co-workers and compromising, finding a middle-ground for the sake of the team. i can see many people truly enjoying to work with her, because she doesn't only have such a profound understanding of what she's doing, but is also considerate of the people around her.

lastly, this girl literally pulls the strings, has most people at the palm of her hands with ease. especially in a romantic manner, if any men mess with wonyoung.. make no mistake, she will not be played by them but instead play them swiftly, probably without them even noticing until later. the type to smile at you and hug you while stabbing an injection with your own poison in your back, knowing you did this to yourself. type to beat you at your own game while smiling politely.

she will not allow anyone to trick her, make a fool out of her. she reads and understands behaviorial patterns very well, so it just isn't easy to mislead her. however! best believe she only does this to people who do her wrong first. people who deserve it. it's giving “i'm sweet and respectful to everyone but, you better know not to mess with me, because that's when you'll get to see a different side to me” as i mentioned, i can see her being pretty cut-throat when it comes to men. especially in the industry. many weird ass men in there, wonyoung does not allow them to put themselves above her, just because of their bizarre gender superiority complex. (i remember this spiting some male idols in my reputation reading lmao well..) there's this thing of her always remaining crazy polite though, and doing just enough for payback. in this smart manner in which she can't be blamed or faulted for it.

- i hate to say this, but wonyoung can have her entitled princess tendencies. it's kinda giving spoiled rich girl who not only expects the best treatment, but is also so selective over who she calls her friends, depending on their status. not sure if she grew up in a rich household, but this seems like something that comes very naturally to her. she's very very meticulous, very very picky and perfectionistic. even if she doesn't always express it in a mean or aggressive way, it can just rub people the wrong way since it can give off pick me energy. i can see her being all “hmmm no” about some potentially beneficial things in her career like jobs or opportunities, just because she can feel superior to them. like she's above them. very much boss energy and it again, is incredibly smart in several ways, but sometimes it can be off putting, she isn't always right in her judgement without fail.

she's so invested in closely managing people's image of her, that she can quickly drive herself crazy over trivial details. there seems to be a lot of fear when it comes to letting go of this obsession and control over her reputation, as well as making herself vulnerable. wonyoung seems to have a lot of trust issues. this comes up everytime i read for her.. there's this constant feeling like everyone is out to get her somehow. i think she's seen a lot of shit happen in the industry, people in the business can be cruel and cold. just like the public, they can often look at and treat idols as these emotionless dolls. due to this, wonyoung can easily get mistrustful of people with pure and good intentions. she protects her heart in a very fierce manner. (this could for sure go up to the green flags but her immense trust issues seem to potentially stand in the way of her forming genuine and healthy connections too)

she's so scared of appearing easy to attack, easy to hurt or easy to access and weak. she hates crying in front of people, and always puts on a perfect mask she hides all her inner struggles behind. she's scared of baring her true soul to people because she doesn't like the thought of them seeing her as a flawed person. wonyoung sets herself up to skyhigh standards, because she believes she's lacking and unworthy of praise if she doesn't meet those expectations. she feels like she needs to be perfect for people to like her, which is sad and ironic, because.. they literally go on hating on her for appearing so perfect. people need to calm the hell down, shut the hell up and realize their words are making her put on even more of an act, hide herself even further, since she's actually so easily hurt. her heart is much softer than people realize, and much softer than she herself would like it to be.

[lohotine]

Could you please write a post sharing what traits you think would make the dragons in CROB fall in love with us? Thank you!

Inspired by these two asks:

https://www.tumblr.com/shmolish/750988905085632512/httpswwwtumblrcomshmolish750251834196852736

https://www.tumblr.com/shmolish/750251834196852736/so-not-sure-on-the-limit-for-characters-but-feel

CROB dragons x Reader (separate)

Warning: May be OOC, mild spoilers for the dragon story ig

``You're pulling at my heartstrings!``

Featuring: Longan, Lychee, Lotus, Ananas, Pitaya

Longan Dragon

`°♡ Longan is pretty pessimistic, I'd think. And even if you disagree with that, it's safe to say they aren't very open to new ideals.

`°♡ Therefore, I propose a sort of sun/moon relationship

`°♡ In which reader is very optimistic and open minded. Not only that, but determined as well

`°♡ Afterall, there is 0 chance of changing Longan's ideals just like that

`°♡ It will take a lot of time and effort

`°♡ Hence why it will definitely be a slow burn relationship

`°♡ Your open mindedness will cause Longan to think a lot more, and the more they think about you, the more they grow fond of you

`°♡ Now whether this fondness is just some odd curiosity or actually love is up for debate-

`°♡ Of course they don't admit this (especially if you're an ordinary cookie and not a dragon)

`°♡ But when push comes to shove, you are one of the few that can change Longan's view of the world

`°♡ Now...

`°♡ We can go the total opposite direction and probably make it work as well

`°♡ That is to say, hyper focusing on restoring the world to the way of old (or whatever Longan be yapping about) and finding yourself falling in love with them

`°♡ It's different from the normal you fell first but they fell harder, since now you're falling both first and harder

`°♡ I can almost see this being some sort of yandere relationship

`°♡ Where you're kinda obsessing over them and they find your loyalty(?) endearing and so they decide take pity on you

`°♡ I won't go into too much detail bc I'd just end up yapping forever and the whole idea is kinda messed up

`°♡ A very unhappy and unhealthy relationship where they use your devotion for their own gain

`°♡ But if you bent it and twisted it in some weird ways ig it could count

`°♡ But if you want more of that just request something and I'll get to it

Lychee Dragon

`°♡ Now where do I even begin...

`°♡ Lychee is an odd one for sure

`°♡ Always insisting that you're in love with them and will bow before them and what-not.

`°♡ Of course, they do with everyone though so it doesn't really mean anything

`°♡ Lychee wants a lot of power and stuff, and most of the time, they can get just that

`°♡ To put it in its most basic terms, I think your ability to resist their charm will catch their eye

`°♡ But of course they won't just hypnotize you

`°♡ That would be much too boring

`°♡ They want you to fall for them naturally!

`°♡ It's like a greed for what they can't have

`°♡ But now, since they can't have you, it only makes them want you even more

`°♡ They start giving you more and more of their attention in hopes of making you finnaly fall for them, and it just ends up snowballing from there

`°♡ Traits outside of... your defiance I suppose, would be your ability to be entertaining

`°♡ Although, I can also see a relationship where you act very poised or calm and Lychee enjoys annoying you

`°♡ Lychee seems to get bored quite a lot, and if you're too boring they probably won't end up working so hard for your acknowledgement in the first place

`°♡ Though, I think they'd appreciate someone else who can match their level of chaoticness a bit more

`°♡ I imaging you two flirt often to try and make the other fall more in love

`°♡ I mean, it works but none of you actually say anything

`°♡ The final nail in the coffin would probably be you suddenly confessing your love in a more serious way

`°♡ It's different from the cheap flirts and sarcastic 'I love yous`, because this confession is actually real

`°♡ Real because you didn't fall for their charms, but just because of them as a whole

`°♡ It's catches them off guard since people are rarely ever this open with them

`°♡ Especially people that they are somewhat close to

`°♡ The fact that you are so vulnerable with them makes them fall even more in love

`°♡ They blushed throughout your entire confession but when asked about it later they insisted it was just thier natural pink hues

Lotus Dragon

`°♡ Creating ideas with them seemed a lot easier in my head-

`°♡ Um, a very simple one is music and dance

`°♡ Afterall, they have a dialouge line about it being their only enjoyable pastime

`°♡ So I'd like to assume that if you create music or dance they automatically like you more

`°♡ Though, you have to be at least somewhat creative for this

`°♡ Lotus also talks about wish granting a lot and how they want an 'interesting wish'

`°♡ I don't exactly know what they mean by it, but if you have an interesting wish you'll probably catch their attention

`°♡ I just get the feeling that they are very curious

`°♡ Though I doubt you'd know much more than them, if you did know things that they didn't, they would enjoy listening to you talk about it

`°♡ Just don't be so rowdy

`°♡ They wouldn't mind it, seeing as their relations with Purple Yam and Mala Sauce are friendly, I just think they'd be more happy with someone calm

`°♡ On another random note; I don't have much to back this up, but they seem like the type of person to enjoy poetry

`°♡ So bonus points there as well

`°♡ They probably drop subtle hints that they like you here and there

`°♡ Asks you to meet them somewhere reclusive yet quaint so they can finnaly confess

Pitaya Dragon

`°♡ Certainly a handful, this one

`°♡ It's would take a lot to make Pitaya actually realize that they like you

`°♡ But once they do realize, they admit it loud and proud.

`°♡ Well, to anyone but you-

`°♡ It's kind of sad, actually

`°♡ Anyway, I can see two different ideas on the type of person they fall for

`°♡ A person who also loves to fight and is kind of just a copy of them (except you actually kick ass)

`°♡ OR a person who is more nurturing and takes care of Pitaya after all of his fights

`°♡ For the first idea, they very obviously want to spar with you a lot

`°♡ Actively seek you out just for the opertunity to fight

`°♡ And of course you happily agree

`°♡ The second idea I can imagine much easier

`°♡ Where you're always scolding them for being so reckless while patching them up

`°♡ And they can't help but cherish each of your little touches

`°♡ Might even get hurt on purpose just for the excuse of being in your presence

`°♡ Though when you tell them how much it worries you they become more careful

`°♡ I think a person like that is really important to Pitaya

`°♡ Especially since we have seen them trying to tough out their wounds instead of properly taking care of themselves (cough cough after the battle with Longan cough cough)

`°♡ A person to help ground their more... outlandish personality

`°♡ You're like their anchor

`°♡ When they finnaly stop being so stubborn and confess they make the whole thing a very big deal

`°♡ Just wants to impress you

`°♡ And of course it works

Ananas Dragon

`°♡ How do I put this...

`°♡ I feel like Ananas would like someone to protect

`°♡ Someone that they deem more important than their treasures

`°♡ So probably someone innocent I guess

`°♡ Since they care for their island so much, I think if you were a more caring and nurturing person, they'd grow a liking for you

`°♡ Would 100% spoil you

`°♡ You want something?

`°♡ Give it a day and it's yours

`°♡ I just get the feeling that Ananas is very touch starved

`°♡ Most of the dragons probably are, but Ananas especially

`°♡ So they practically fold at the most miniscule of touches

`°♡ They hate how you make them crumble

`°♡ But oh

`°♡ They can't help but love it.

`°♡ Confesses to you in the most extravagant of ways

`°♡ And their proposal is even better

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Unwanted Attention

Bayverse!Leonardo x reader

The boys have brought you along for a party at the NYPD headquarters, where a police woman finds your crush, Leonardo, very interesting. Leo on the other hand is not interested and turns to you for help.

Warnings: Spelling and an annoying police woman that doesn't understand no.

All characters are at least 21.

----------------------------------

The atmosphere at the NYPD headquarters was vibrant, filled with laughter and cheers. Drinks were served along with snacks, and a table where everyone was free to serve themself. It was police chief Vincent’s idea, as a way to celebrate the new partnership between the NYPD and the mutant turtles. It also served as a way to celebrate the defeat of Kraang, and to let the rest of the department meet the four turtle brothers that had saved New York City once again.

The brothers, not sure what to do with so many humans around them, had invited you, April, Caesy and Vern. They insisted that the four of you had as much to do with the saving of New York City, yet they failed to remember that it was them that came up with a plan and guided everybody through it.

Yet there you were at the NYPD headquarters, with a drink in hand chatting and laughing with the people around you. Raphael was having a conversation with Caesy about motorbikes, Donatello, April and police chief Vincent was talking about something techy, while Vern and Michelangelo was trying to see who could drink their drinks the fastest. You had been standing with Leonardo and a policeman, talking about your experiences during the Kraang invasion.

As the three of you spoke, you couldn’t help but throw glances in Leo’s direction. You had known him for two years now, and you couldn’t deny your growing feelings for the leader in blue. Especially not after the ordeal that was the Kraang invasion. There was just something about him that drew you in - his confidence, his leadership, his unwavering dedication. And his eyes. Those pretty blue eyes that made your stomach tingle. But little did you know that Leonardo harbored feelings for you as well, just as you secretly held a crush on him. He had been aware of these growing feelings ever since April pulled you to the roof where they had asked her to meet them so they could bring her to Master Splinter.

As the night unfolded, Leonardo found himself trying to enjoy the celebration, but he couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. And it wasn’t your beautiful eyes looking at him every once in a while. No, it was some new strange eyes on him. Unknown eyes. Glancing around, his eyes met those of a police woman, her gaze intense and determined. Curiosity piqued, she made her way through the crowd until she stood beside him, right next to the police man. You saw her as she came over, a nauseating feeling growing in your stomach. You did not like the way she looked at Leonardo.

"Leonardo, right?" she asked with a coy smile, her voice carrying a subtle flirtation.

Leo nodded, a bit caught off guard, slightly fidgeting with the glass in his hand. "Yeah, that's me. Can I help you with something?"

The police woman leaned in slightly, her eyes locking onto his. Leo leaned away, clearly not expecting it. "I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. A fearless leader, I presume?"

Leonardo chuckled nervously, his eyes darting around the room. "I don't know about fearless, heh. We just do what we can to keep the city safe".

She playfully twirled a strand of hair with a smug smile. You wanted to yank her hair to whip that smile off of her face. "Well, a brave man deserves a reward. How about another drink, or maybe a dance, Leonardo?"

Leo hesitated, glancing around as he searched for a polite way to decline. You could see the “nope” written across his face. "I- I appreciate the offer, but I'm here with my brothers and my best friends… Maybe some other time?"

She didn't seem deterred, stepping closer. You were getting mildly shocked. Wasn’r she supposed to be a police officer? "Come on, Leo. We're here to celebrate. Loosen up a little".

Leo felt the awkward tension, realizing he needed a way out of this encounter. That's when he remembered you stood by his side. He turned to you, catching your eye briefly.

"(Y/N)... Babe?", Leonardo said, trying to keep his tone casual as he turned to his friend, noticing your surprised look at the sudden nickname. "We have plans later tonight, don’t we?"

You stared at him for a second, heart skipping a beat when you suddenly realized what was happening. The urgency in his eyes and the way she started to look at you in confusion. The police man the two of you had been talking to looked even more confused by the sudden change in your demeanor. "Yeah, we agreed not to go home too late, since we have that thing with your dad tomorrow".

“I knew there was something”, Leonardo said, acting relieved, before placing a hand on your back, making your knees go a little weak. “Thank you for reminding me, babe. I don’t know what I would do without you”. That’s when Leo pulled you close and placed a kiss on your forehead. You could feel your knees buckle and your head spin as he turned to the woman, and told her he couldn’t go out for a drink or a dance.

That was when she finally took the hint and left, you and Leo watching to make sure she wouldn’t be back. Once she was gone for good, you and Leo let out a sigh of relief, turning back to continue your conversation with the police officer, only to realize he had left, leaving the two of you alone.

You turned to Leonardo with a teasing smile, and smacked him gently on his strong bicep. "You know, you owe me for saving you back there".

Leo chuckled, rubbing his arm as if you had actually hurt him. "I owe you big time, (Y/N). Thanks for being my fake girlfriend".

Your heart warmed and broke at the same time. The word “girlfriend” brought you happiness, but the word “fake” tore it apart. Yet you had thought that was it. That Leo would take a step back and leave you alone. But he didn’t. The rest of the night Leo stayed close to your side, placing a hand on or around you every once in a while. You thought it was because he caught a glance of the police woman or something, and therefore you didn’t think much more about it.

As the night continued one, the two of you found a quieter spot away from the crowd. It was down one of the hallways from the big area the main body of the part was held in. Here the light was dim, with an empty couch with space for the two of you. You took a seat, laughing at a really bad joke Leo had told you. It was nothing new. Every once in a while Leo would make you laugh with his dry humor, to the point where you would be in tears.

“You can’t say stuff like that Leo”, you laughed, drawing away the tears that had formed in your eyes. “We’re surrounded by police”.

Leonardo smiled as you laughed, feeling his heart beat a little faster. He looked into your eyes with a warmth that went beyond their charade. It was a look that made your laughter quite down, feeling excitement and nervousness grow in your stomach. Leo’s eyes just had this power over you, that you couldn’t explain.

"I have something to confess," Leo began, his tone serious yet sincere, causing your breath to hitch for a moment. Leo fidgeted with his hands, looking at them instead of your eyes now. "(Y/N), I... It’s really not easy to say, but I think it’s about time. I… I've had feelings for you for quite a long time now. I just didn't know how to tell you, at least until now". Leo swallowed a lump, still not looking you in your eyes. “When you played my fake girlfriend I realized… how badly I really want to. I mean, how badly I want you to be my real girlfriend. I know it’s strange, but I just couldn’t do this without telling you”.

Your eyes widened in surprise, and a blush crept onto your cheeks as you felt your smile growing big and bright. "Really?”. The happiness in your voice made Leo look up at you. “Because I've kinda had a crush on you too for some time now".

Leonardo smiled, a mix of relief and happiness crossing his face. He breathed out a sigh of relief, his head working to find a way to answer you. "Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one".

You both chuckled, unsure of what to say or do. You cursed yourself for being so awkward, and Leo yelled at himself for being so nervous around you, even after he had fought an alien from another dimension.

Then Leo finally asked. “(Y/N)? Can I kiss you?”

You could only imagine how you looked when you heard his question. “Of course you can Leo”.

The kiss that followed was soft and unsure, yet with a passionate undertone. Leo held you close with a soft hand on your face, as if he was scared he would break you by accident. But once you placed your arms behind his neck and leaned further into him, the kiss ever so slowly turned more and more passionate. Leo’s hands moving from your face to your back, pulling you closer to him.

Who would have thought that some unwanted attention from a flirty police officer, was the push the two of you needed?

[landhoe-norris]

"carlos did the bare minimum of what he was hired to do, nothing more nothing less"

i've seen this take a lot today, in many different forms, all of them hyping up charles while doing their utmost to trash talk carlos.

no one is denying that carlos was hired to score points and podiums. that's the name of the game. (almost) everyone on that grid is hired because the people in charge believe that they can bring their teams some kind of glory.

but what this race (and the other three races he's managed to partake in) highlights is more than just his ability to "do the bare minimum."

time and time again we have seen his ability to overtake and defend, that's not something anyone can argue. but some of y'all still try your hardest 'til you're blue in the face.

there seems to be a consensus for a lot of people, especially those who support his teammate, support the current world champion or support the driver who will take his seat next year, to talk down every single thing carlos does. when he does his own strategy, he's a bad team player, when he follows strategy, he is being favoured by the team. when he's the faster ferrari driver, it's only because there's a problem with charles' car, but when charles is faster, it's because he's better.

two things can be true at once, and those two things are: carlos and charles are both excellent drivers.

they both have their talents, but i'm here to talk about carlos' talents.

his race strategy is, very often, unmatched. there is a reason he's called a strategist, and it's because he is incredibly smart but also very insightful and can calculate what's best for himself while driving an f1 car at top speed. not everyone can do that, and that's fine. other drivers have other talents.

but it's so integral to realise that his contributions extend beyond the cockpit. his teamwork, communication with engineers, and feedback have contributed significantly to ferrari's car development and team strategy, enhancing ferrari's competitive edge. the fact that people at maranello didn't know what to do with him in his first year cause he was always around, looking, learning and contributing says a lot about him.

his resilience in high-pressure situations, his adaptability to changing race conditions, and his determination to maximise every opportunity on the track make it clear that reducing his contributions to merely doing the "bare minimum" doesn't do justice to his capabilities or achievements. the weirdest part of this for me is that people seem to resent him for knowing his worth. they dislike him because he knows his talent, and knows his strengths, and isn't afraid to stand up for himself.

for the past month or so people have been talking a lot of shit; from saying that bearman should get the seat for the rest of the season to calling his win after abdominal surgery a fluke, his podium in bahrain being ridiculed because his teammate had brake problems and therefore "he never would've been on the podium if charles' car hadn't failed him" and now people are saying his p3 in japan means nothing.

there have been severe accusations thrown at carlos and his father, and i would even go as far as call them libel. these people who have spread false information and made up ridiculous rumours are lucky they're nobodies either on here, reddit or twitter, otherwise they could be in a lot of shit.

i could genuinely go on forever about this, but i won't. just know that carlos sainz jr is an amazing driver who deserves to have a team that not only fully appreciates him, but also is able to give him what he deserves.

ferrari is not, and never has been, that team. and i hope that the fans of the team that he will end up with, will appreciate everything about him and not resent him for wanting to be the driver that he knows he can be ❤️

[sanjisboyfie]

๑ keep safe : new crewmate, tony tony chopper (11)

one piece x male reader

you lost your way, just take my hand

you're lost at sea, 

then i'll command your boat to me again 

『 prev 』

now, [name] would never call himself a heavy sleeper. in fact, he used to wake up to every sound that was around him when he was a child. but that was also due to the fact he had to be kept on his toes almost 24/7 when he was a kid.

dangerous environment and all.

so, he was really shocked to learn about all that had happened while he was resting. it was probably due to the exhaustion he was facing, especially the physical aspect of that, but still! he slept through cannons being fired, a major fight going down, and a bunch of shouts of determination.

it was a wonder how he slept through it all. and it seemed also a key event for some mockery from everyone’s favorite chef.

“what a lazy ass!” sanji said, grinning at the look on [name]’s face.

“i’m not the one who has to crawl everywhere, shut it, shitty cook!”

“shitty cook!? alright, if that’s what you really think, i’ll just feed you rat shit when we get back to the going merry!”

“oh, you think you can make that trip that easily?! considering you’d have to crawl there like a spineless vermin!”

“i’ll really kill you!” sanji shouted, but [name] only walked past him, sauntering in his steps to emphasize the fact he could walk freely while sanji was restricted in his movements.

after his back bone had given out on him, sanji was bound to crawling on the floor everywhere. and [name] took every opportunity he could get in making fun of sanji’s carelessness. like how sanji was making fun of [name] for sleeping through an entire battle right outside his window.

when he stepped out into the courtyard of the castle, it was nighttime. he had the blanket tightly wrapped around his person and looked around, trying to find anyone in the crew. but, his search was cut short when he heard luffy’s yelling.

“hey, reindeer!!! come be pirates with us!!!”

[name] smiled at the invitation, walking through the big doors and seeing luffy, usopp, and zoro all gathered in front of the castle.

“you’re so loud, luffy,” he yawned, chuckling when he saw his breath turn into puffs of white.

“woah, are you really supposed to be walking around, [name]? doctor said your injuries were pretty severe,” usopp said, looking at [name] as he stepped out in only a blanket and pants, “plus you’re really underdressed, what the hell?!”

“well, aren’t we leaving soon anyway? i got everything i need here, so let’s get to merry - where it’s nice and warm,” [name] opened up the blanket to show that he had his essentials, which really was just his sword, and grinned at them.

“doesn’t explain why you’re naked,” zoro said unimpressed.

“zoro, y’know, i missed you!” [name] cheerfully exclaimed, a complete contrast to the swordsman's disgruntled demeanor. 

the swordsman made an obvious sound of disgust at the confession, sticking his tongue out as if he was about to barf, “fuck, i think i’m gonna vomit everywhere,”

“hey!!!” [name] scolded, not appreciating that negative reaction to his confession. zoro simply held up his hand though and covered his mouth, really selling the part that he was going to vomit. or, maybe he really was going to — he didn’t seem the type to be good with sentiments.

“that’s pushing it a bit, don’t you think, seaweed?!” [name] said, turning angry. he began to chase after zoro, who threw a snowball right at his face to stop him, shouting about how he didn’t want [name] near him.

as the two were chasing after each other, usopp went back to building his snowman.

“come on, zoro, admit it you missed me too!”

“i don’t even fucking know you!!!”

they were so focused on cursing each other out, they didn’t notice that both of them had rammed into usopp’s snowman. the sniper got involved by nailing them each in the forehead with a snowball, getting revenge.

as the two then began chasing usopp, vivi and nami came out of the castle as well. but behind them was a immobile sanji, who they had to drag by his feet in order to get him places.

“hey! reindeer!” luffy said in surprise, a grin still on his face.

“tony-kun?” a genuine look of surprise was on nami’s face. she didn’t think chopper was really going to join them.

[name] stopped running after usopp, looking at the still reindeer in anticipation.

“it’s not possible!” chopper said, turning down the offer with his head held down, “i’m a reindeer, i have antlers and hooves! i even have a blue nose! it’s true that i wanna be a pirate, but i’m not even a human! i’m a monster! i can’t become your friends, so i just came to say…thank you…i do appreciate you guys and thank you for inviting me.”

[name] bit his lip to hold back his laughter, finding the sight of chopper both amusing and greatly depressing. the way chopper was so obviously fighting against his own desires, wanting to sail out to sea, just so he could appease the expectations that were set for him on the island. to see such obvious repression of freedom made [name] almost laugh at how chopper's world was going to be flipped upside down. luffy would never take no for an answer.

the zero self assurance chopper had in himself made [name] sad. chopper was special and he might have been a monster, but the reindeer failed to see the beauty in both of those things. now, [name] didn’t get the chance to see chopper fight anyone, as he was passed out completely, but he was sure it was impressive.

“so one day…if you feel like it, stop by agai-”

“shut up! let’s go!” luffy shouted, spreading his arms out into the air and stretching so far back that his hat had fallen off of his head. [name] chuckled, along with many others in the crew, before looking back at chopper’s now teary eyed form.

finally, chopper stopped fighting his hopes and nodded his head. an unhealthy amount of tears streamed down his face as well as snot, but [name] could only think of how heartwarming the sight was.

so as chopper ran back inside the castle, the rest of the strawhat crew awaited his return. [name] picked up luffy’s straw hat and secured it on their captain’s head, “nice job, captain,” he said, making luffy smile and laugh.

deciding to prepare their ascent down the castle, usopp and him worked on getting the ropeway ready.

“i feel like you definitely shouldn’t be doing any heavy work,” usopp grumbled, showing [name] how to get everything set up, “i mean your hand! aren’t there still stiches in there?”

[name] shrugged, “something as small as that isn’t gonna make me stop from helping,”

“something as small as that?! i get it, you’re insane just like those three,” usopp said, dejected at the thought of someone so strong also being on their crew, “i mean, your bounty isn’t a joke, but really? a stab to the hand isn’t a big deal to you?”

[name] laughed, a very hearty one as he slapped usopp on the back, “it’s never a big deal if it’s for the safety of your friends. you’d do the same thing, wouldn’t you?”

[name] tugged and pulled on the rope, looking up when he realized usopp had stopped working for a moment.

“i don’t know, stuff like that seems out of the question for me…i mean!! i am a brave warrior of the sea, so doing little stuff like that — pft! i don’t even-”

“usopp, you are a brave warrior of sea, why are you mocking yourself?” [name] said, tilting his head ot the side in confusion.

“i wasn’t mocking myself!” usopp said, trying to sound confident as he felt [name]’s e/c eyes boring into him, “i was confident,”

“whatever, usopp, you’ll see in the future. i’m sure you’re even more capable than me,”

“well, obviously the great captain usopp exceeds all standards!” usopp said once more in that loud voice of his, the one he used whenever he was telling lies.

“i believe you,” [name] said with a grin, finalizing the ropeway and sighing at the exercise, “this weather isn’t good for my heart, where’s chopper? we should go now,”

“it’s also not helping you’re not wearing a shirt, idiot!” usopp cried out, making [name] laugh in return.

“everyone! hop on the sleigh! we are going down the ropes!” chopper’s sudden yell made everyone turn their heads, but then their jaws dropped to see the circumstances in which they were leaving.

dr. kureha, for whatever reason, was throwing endless amounts of weapons at chopper’s running form and yelling profanities at the reindeer. chopper was running with his four legs and carrying a sled with him.

“oo! free ride!” [name] cheered, running forward and being one of the firsts to get on board. the others soon followed, zoro carelessly throwing sanji inside, and then they were off.

chopper ran at a remarkable speed carrying all of them, but it seemed he was only focused on getting to the bottom of the rope. he didn’t look back even once.

[name] laughed the entire way down, finding the urgency to leave hilarious. seeing dr. kureha so determined in driving chopper out was funny, but also sad.

he hummed in thought, not particularly liking how this island had a terrible habit of making funny things just as funny as they were depressing.

but as they were finally on solid ground, there were several bangs that were going off and they were coming from the castle. chopper eventually stopped, turning into his small form and walking towards the light that was emitting from the castle.

everyone else on the sleigh stayed behind and allowed chopper to process it by himself.

“it’s beautiful,” nami breathed out, eyes enamored with the light show.

“awesome!!!” luffy shouted, zoro nodding in agreement.

“that lady sure is funny,” [name] said, leaning against his seat on the sleigh, completely focused on the lights.

chopper began wildly crying at the sight.

”doctor! doctorine!” he shouted into the cold winter air, bellows of crying following soon after.

[name] remained silent, eyes dimming at the heartfelt goodbye. he held his open palm out to catch some of the pink snow and chuckled as he saw it melt in his hand. with the water in his hand, he focused on shaping out a jolly roger.

he smiled softly as he saw it turn solid, the pink strawhat jolly roger freezing in place.

“hah, i hate pink,” he said under his breath, making vivi turn her head towards him.

“what was that, [name]?” she asked smiling softly, not hearing what he had said. when she caught sight of the small piece of art he made in his palm, her eyes sparkled a bit.

“nothing, princess,” he assured her, pinching the ice in his hand and sadly watching it melt at his natural body heat. “nothing,”

it continued to rain pink snow until they made it to the ship, all of them leaving chopper alone to take in his farewell. well, that only lasted for so long before [name] was smothering him.

“hey, chopper, let’s go party!”

“yeah, yeah, come and sing with us!” sanji joined in.

“here, drink!”

[name] took the jug usopp was offering to chopper and handed it to zoro (who gladly took it), giving usopp a disapproving look.

“he’s too young to drink that, usopp!”

“no way, how old are you, chopper?”

“i’m-”

“here, stick these up your nose!” luffy said, breaking into the conversation and holding a pair of chopsticks for chopper to take.

the poor reindeer, who was overwhelmed by it all, had backed away slowly before he was caught by the ship’s navigator.

“you made friends with some pretty crazy guys, huh?” she asked teasingly, although there was a soft way in which she spoke. she understood that chopper was still sensitive to the goodbyes he had to share so she, unlike the men on the crew, tried to make him feel somewhat comforted.

their festivities didn’t die out one bit, usopp leading the toast in bringing chopper on board.

[name] had his own mug of coffee, lifting in up as he held chopper on his shoulders, and crying out with the rest of the crew, “cheers!”

chopper had a pair of chopsticks still in his nose and mouth as he shouted, making [name] laugh at his slurred words. the laugh seemed to infect the reindeer himself as he was left clutching his small, furry stomach in glee.

“you’re gonna patch me up after every fight, right chopper?!” [name] asked the new doctor, earning a nod in response.

“do you get in fights often, [name]?” chopper politely asked, making [name] grin so wide his eyes had crinkles at the end.

“i’m the strongest on the crew!”

“really?”

“liar, he’s a liar, chopper! don’t believe him!” luffy said, stretching his head to literally butt into the conversation, “i’m the strongest!”

“[name]’s definitely just a pain in the ass, he doesn’t know shit about fighting, chopper, don’t believe him,” zoro said, waving his hand at chopper’s question.

"[name] can’t even-”

“alright, no more shitting on me! i’ll beat all of you up, how about that?!” [name] said, throwing his mug of coffee on deck, throwing his hands up as if he were going to box.

the three seemed to take that as an invitation and before they all knew it, their four crewmates were all fighting each other. it more so  turned into a fight between zoro and sanji, as they were focused on one-upping each other, and then luffy and [name] wrestling across the deck.

“i bet [name]’s gonna win!” nami said, beris in her eyes.

“zoro, cut him up!” usopp drunkenly cheered, focusing on the other fight instead.

“is this really okay?!” chopper cried out, watching as they were all tumbling around deck to fight.

“it’s alright, chopper, just place your bets!” nami said, beri being the only thing in her eyes once more.

as they all continued to fight and laugh, [name] came out on top.

“that’s what i thought! suck my dick, you annoying assholes!” he crudely shouted into the night air, choking luffy with his own arm and having his feet planted on the back of both sanji and zoro’s heads.

“this isn’t over! i never lose!” luffy said in fury.

“why are you interfereing with our fight, idiot!?” zoro shouted.

"you won't be so confident when i kick you overboard into the freezing ocean! ” sanji threatened.

“see that, chopper! i’m the real winner!!!” [name] said confidently, grinning from ear to ear as he showed chopper his strength, “be like me, okay?!”

nami sighed and shook her head as [name] began infecting chopper’s naive mind whilst vivi only could chuckle behind her hand.

sanji and zoro both tackled [name] after his proud exclamation, ruining the pedestal [name] had put himself on for chopper. the reindeer still was looking at him in amazement though as he now was fighting both zoro and sanji at the same time.

despite their violent celebrations, though, all of them gathered in the boy’s dorm and shared their company with one another. there were enough hammocks for everyone and the going merry finally got to hear some peace and quiet.

well, as peace and quiet it can get with zoro snoring loud enough for everyone to hear.

the next morning, everyone was still upbeat and energetic over their new crewmate, plus the fact nami was feeling much better now. [name] brewed himself a cup of coffee, sliding one over to nami, “look, i saved enough for the two of us to drink!”

the orange haired girl grinned, nodding her head in thanks and taking a sip of the mug. she blinked, pleasantly surprised by the taste.

“woah, [name] this is really good,” she praised, making him shrug in response, “make my coffee from now on, alright?” a cheeky grin was on her face and [name] had a feeling that there was some underlying motive. just as he was about to question her, she continued on, “you know, i couldn’t properly calculate how many coffee beans of mine you had eaten…so let’s just mark the total to: 100,000 beri. for every cup of coffee you make me, i can take that price down 3%.”

“oi!!!” [name] said, jaw dropped as she revealed it was all a ploy to get her money’s worth.

“now, now, i don’t want to hear complaints! that’s even after my discount since you nursed me back to health! just be glad i’m even applying a low fee,” she said, taking the cup of coffee and waltzing out of the kitchen as if she didn’t send [name] into an impossible debt.

he was still standing in place and looking at the coffee in his hands, deflating at he knew that nami was dead serious when it came to getting her money back. well, he may as well make the most of his delicious coffee as it may be the last he’ll have for a while.

if nami was charging him for the individual coffee beans, he didn’t want to think about how much a whole cup would cost.

he met the rest of the crew on deck, eagerly walking over when he saw them sitting in a circle with cards.

“ah, don’t join us, we already gave out the hand,” zoro said, already predicting what [name]’s first words were going to be.

“i’ll watch!” [name] said, taking a seat right behind the swordsman. zoro couldn’t do much to shoo away the man from there, allowing him to look at his hand.

“don’t say stupid shit now, this is for real beri!” zoro said, a smirk on his face as he saw the unfolding of the rest of the cards. “i’m gonna win! i think i owe that greedy hag some money anyway…”

“hell no, i’m taking all the winnings, nami is gonna do my head in if i don’t repay her soon…” usopp whined, seemingly dejected at the sight of his cards.

“don’t bad mouth nami-san! i’m happy to be in her debt,” sanji said, ever the prince, “if it means she’ll look my way again for another day, i am eternally grateful!”

as expected, it seemed everyone was in debt to nami.

[name] looked on with wide eyes as the rest of the cards were shown in the middle, eager to see sanji and usopp’s.

chopper came running to them and around circles, yelling about something regarding luffy, but unfortunately, the game was just getting interesting and no one in their circle was willing to move.

[name] prodded at zoro’s side, making the swordsman scowl at him. but then he saw [name]’s satisfied smile and then returned it. zoro’s hand was really, really good actually, and there was no way he’d lose it. he would definitely win! their matching mischevious grins showed how confident they were.

just as the trio were going to reveal their hands, luffy and the “trouble” he got himself into came crashing into all of them. it left them all sprawled out on deck, the cards that they were holding now loosely flying in the wind.

“huh? are you guys sleeping?” luffy’s oblivious voice asked.

“it’s your fault!” they all shouted, springing into the air and angrily glaring at their captain.

“how are you gonna fix this situation! i had a good hand!” usopp shouted.

“really? sorry!” luffy said and at the sight of his wide smile, [name] felt his annoyance bubble down.

instead he came running over and looking at the “catch” up close. he kicked it a couple of times with his foot and suddenly felt himself get hungry.

“that’s pretty huge,” zoro commented, a smirk on his face, “now we can have some decent meals,”

“sanji, cook it now!” [name] childishly commanded.

briskly walking over to the bird, and slapping his hand down on [name]’s head as he passed, sanji commented on how they didn't have time to prep a whole bird for feasting on.

“oh, but i bet if nami-san or vivi-chan,” [name] said in a mocking of the blonde’s voice when he spoke their names, “asked, you’d do it right away, perv!”

“come on! let’s fight right now, shit for brains, i’ll throw you overboard!” sanji said, about to kick [name], if it weren’t for nami’s interference.

“guys! we are about to land at alabasta soon, this isn’t the time to be joking around. come on!” she commanded, successfully getting sanji off of [name]’s back and gathering them all at the center of merry.

“so what’s alabasta?” chopper asked curiously.

“alabasta is a country that vivi’s dad governs,” nami patiently replied.

“there’s a rogue named crocodile that’s trying to take over it right now,”

“i hear that crocodile is one of the sevel warlords of the sea,” sanji added in, but chopper only seemed to become more confused.

“seven warlords of the sea?” he echoed, a blank look on his face.

“they’re pirates that are under the world government,” [name] said, a smirk on his face as he thought of the seven pirates, “they’re a bunch of dogs, basically,”

“hey, hold on, that’s really undermining them,” nami said, a pointed look on her face, “chopper, the seven warlords are really strong people.”

“i could take them,” [name] said, making chopper turn to him in shock.

“really? [name], you could?!”

just as [name] was going to reply, usopp knocked him on the head to interrupt, “don’t pay attention to this guy, he’s not normal, chopper. he’s insane, even. the seven warlords are crazy strong, they can easily crush any other pirate — that’s why the government employs them in the first place.”

“my point still stands, they’re just dogs,” [name] shrugged, showing clear dislike to both the world government and the seven warlords.

vivi, who was curious as to why, was about to ask what grudge [name] had against both parties, but luffy had cut her off, “crocodile, huh…? i can’t wait to see him!” the fist luffy was holding up seemed to emphasize his point.

“crocodile is a hero in alabasta because he crushes the pirates that attack towns,” vivi explained to the crew, “but that’s only his public act! behind the scenes, he’s the one pulling the strings that caused the civil war in alabasta, in order to take over alabasta. no one has noticed it…the citizens, my father…no one!!!”

[name] grinned sadistically, licking his lips at the thought of beating a warlord.

“all right then! in any case, all we have to do is beat up that crocodile, right?” luffy exclaimed, punching his fist into his open hand. he had that same stupid grin on his face, but seeing it only made [name]’s grin turn wider.

“yes, if we can first stop the civil war and expel baroque works…” vivi said, a determined look in her eyes.

“well, i already promised you i’d beat crocodile up, so taking care of his underlings shouldn’t be too bad,” [name] said, imagining the many weaker and fodder pirates that were acting under crocodile.

“hey! i’m gonna be the one to take down crocodile!” luffy shouted stubbornly at [name], “he’s my enemy, i put dibs on him since the beginning!”

“well, i told vivi i’d take care of crocodile the moment i saw him, so you can take your dibs back, luffy,” [name] said, not at all intimidated by luffy’s childish nature.

“i’m the captain, whatever i say goes!”

“why do you always pull the captain card at the most inconvenient times?!” [name] snarled.

“see chopper, i told you, [name]’s an insane man. arguing with our own captain on taking down a warlord…a bad example, indeed,” usopp whispered to their newest crewmate, who seemed to simply nod his head in agreement. “these are the qualms of strong men,”

“well, vivi, explain to us the system that the organization works in,” nami said, punching both luffy and [name] for arguing in the middle of a serious conversation. it effectively shut the two of them up. “if we are going to take down the whole system, as [name] said.”

the h/c haired boy grinned in reassurance, “i’ll kill them all,”

it was unsettling to see such a serious and violent sentiment be conveyed through a friendly smile.

“well, the actual system is simple. at the top, there’s crocodile, mr. 0, the boss. then there are 12 agents and one animal who receives orders from the boss directly. each of the 12 agents operates separately with a female agent.

“mr. 1 and miss double finger, then mr. 2, who doesn’t have a partner…”

“mr. 3 is the candle man we met in little garden, right?” zoro interrupted, making vivi nod her head in confirmation.

“yes, he was paired with miss golden week,”

sanji and [name] looked at each other, blank expressions on their faces as they didn’t get the chance to meet — or even see — the pair that the crew were talking about.

“mr. 4 is paired up with miss merry christmas, i don’t know much about these two either.”

“then there’s a snot guy!” usopp proudly proclaimed. making usopp turn to him in confusion.

“snot?”

“yeah, when he sneezes there are sharp knives that come from his nose,” [name] said, lying to the poor reindeer.

“don’t lie to the new member!” nami scolded, bringing her fist down onto [name]’s head once again.

“well, [name] wasn’t too far off, his whole body is a weapon,” vivi explained in a more refined way, “miss valentine has the powers of the kilo-kilo fruit.”

“stupid ass fruit,” [name] said under his breath, making luffy laugh at his crude words.

“the woman that can change her weight freely, right?” at the question, vivi simply nodded.

vivi went on to explain more of the agents, but [name] felt himself zoning out. whoever their opponents were, it didn’t matter. he’d crush all of them. it sounded like an easy enough mission.

he leaned on the railing of the merry, looking out at the vast ocean. mindlessly, he caused some shapes to form in the ocean, grinning as he saw the water fluidly obey.

defeating devil fruit users, or anyone for that matter, was easy when you had the sea at your beck and call. [name] had perfectly good reason to be confident. hopefully, he’d get to show off some of the reason as to why the world government so badly wanted his head on a platter.

『 prev 』 ˗ˏˋ꒰ 🌊 ꒱ 『 next 』

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taglist (lmk if u want to be tagged <3 !):

@skullr0se , @strawberrii-tea

[chidoroki]

My Dress Up Darling ch107

*KICKS DOWN DOOR IN ABSOLUTE GLEE* I know I haven't rambled on about any other chapter previously despite following the manga for a handful of months but NOW I MUST! "But why now so suddenly?" Because confessions actually happened baby, that's why! To heck with putting spoiler warnings; we all wanted this to happen anyway! I honestly just wasn't expecting it to happen now of all times, especially after Marin stated in the previous chapter that she wasn't going to ask Gojo for help anymore.

Poor Gojo, zooming all the way over to her place worried because she wasn't answering his texts back and he's met with something he probably never imagined hearing. Sure, things have been a bit awkward between them ever since the Haniel cosplay at Comiket, but they still managed to have lunch at home with grandpa and Marin's dad and even visited a hina doll festival together. I'm not certain how many days it's been since Comiket, but it's no wonder Gojo is thrown off a little despite how distant they were at school too. We, of course, know where this sudden change is coming from on Marin's end though.

The mood shifted between them after she noticed how quiet Gojo seemed after the Haniel photoshoot and while she had every intention to ask him what's wrong during their hina festival trip, she held back and put on a fake smile just to try and enjoy a normal day together. The need to fix whatever gap that's forming in their friendship slips further away after Gojo admits to his cousin in ch104 that he hasn't been able to practice making hina dolls as much recently, which is true due to how determined he was as creating the perfect Haniel costume (& every costume that came before it really), but the truth hits Marin harder since Gojo had just mentioned previously on their way to the showroom in ch103 that he wants to show all his progress and achieve his dream of becoming a kashirashi while his grandpa is still alive. Understandable how that admission leaves her speechless and causes Marin to feel some guilt starting to eat away at her, since I'm certain she would feel absolute horrible if her requests got in the way of Gojo feeling that heartfelt praise from someone he admires so much. Hell, she even excused herself from the showroom with a lame excuse just for us to see her at the end of ch104 breaking down and crying at home.

Marin believes she's been a burden to him and interfering with his progress, now wishing that Gojo called her out on it earlier and while I'm very pleased he denies straight away that he never viewed her in such a way, I'm also so relieved that he manages to figure out exactly why she might be suddenly looking down on herself.

He then brings up his grandpa's advice about how doing all kinds of stuff can come in handy one day and improve his skills with hina dolls, which was confirmed by the sweet old man himself when he commented Gojo was improving his line work after doing Marin's makeup (ep7/ch18). Marin does indeed know this because after hearing about how closed off Gojo was during his childhood, she suggested the two of them should experience all kinds of places and activities during their summer vacation, to which Gojo happily agrees with that day at the beach.

He reiterates that choosing to create all of Marin's costumes was solely because he wanted to, not because she forced him into it (which further supports how dearly he listens to her advice from ep1/ch1 about not letting anyone use you for their own personal gain). Branching out really changed him for the better too. Not only is he learning more and more about clothing and designing but he's also making new friends and cherished memories through all these months spent with Marin which is something our once lonely boy desperately needed in his life.

And I appreciate that he expresses his thanks to her since it's usually her that's showering him with praise after ever perfect costume he spends countless hours making for her. I will admit that I wasn't expecting her to.. snap back quite like this though.

Of course I remember how desperately she wanted to know what's going on in his mind after Comiket, but to see her get ticked off like this? Damn. I mean, it isn't uncommon, as we've at least seen her tell off creeps before in both anime (ep1) and later manga chapters (only example I can remember atm is ch77), but to Gojo? Oh boy. It's not just him she's acting strange to either, as she wasn't nearly as lively and carefree as she normally seems around her other friends too when they went out for karaoke, so it's safe to say that this new distance between her and Gojo really put her mind in a bad place. Going from being incredible close friends to barely speaking a couple words is bound to throw anyone through a loop.

I'm not saying her shouting is a bad thing either. One of the first things she ever tells Gojo (ep1/ch1) is to not hide his feelings and speak up about them to others, so I can understand how she can be a bit annoyed with how closed off he's been for however many days it's been since Comiket. It can hurt even more considering how they became such great friends since the series started however many months ago too. He has the chance to explain himself, but cuts himself off and the silence becomes too much for her to handle, leading her to dismissing him.

It's not like Gojo doesn't have an answer for his recent behavior; he does, but he's purposefully holding back to avoid making a real big mistake which is saying something you know you'll regret.

I'm glad I actually went back a couple days prior to this chapter dropping to read the last 10ish chapters on a whim because I feel like I understand this big, internal battle Gojo has going on in his mind right now a bit better. I believe Gojo thinks of Usami first (the fabric store clerk who actually wasn't in the anime for some reason?) because Gojo is leaning towards the idea of remaining quiet as to not upset Marin, but then remembers the story Usami told him back in ch105 about how he originally wanted to design clothing but chose a different career path in order to please his father. While Usami does eventually follow his dream and switches jobs thanks to his wife's kind words, he tells Gojo his biggest regret was not being able to tell his father how he really felt back then. I'm sure this is what gets Gojo to consider telling Marin the truth about why he's been acting so quiet lately, but then remembers Nobara (the girl we saw from his first flashback at the very start of the series) and how harsh her words to him were back when they were both kids. We know how deeply those words affected Gojo all these years but also learn in ch106 that Nobara herself has been regretting that moment ever since as well. Fair to say that small snippet of life ate away at both of them in different ways, which is what leads into the memory about Marin from ep1/ch1 about being true to your own feelings and how keeping them to yourself will only hurt you.

So, despite us readers seeing in big, bold text how Gojo's repeatedly telling himself to keep his mouth shut in order to preserve whatever kind of friendship he and Marin have left, the flashbacks allow him to think a bit more clearly and push him enough to finally reveal why he's been acting so strange since the Haniel cosplay: our boy was jealous. And it's not a recent realization either. He's harbored such feelings for quite some time, at least since watching Marin model for her job (ch50) and from watching her slay in the Rei cosplay during the school festival (ch62). He just suddenly has a name for his mood.

I can't say I totally blame the kid. Having so many strangers admire a friend of yours in such a would no doubt instill some protective/jealousy vibes, especially if you really care for said friend a decent amount. Same kinda feelings if someone was ogling your bf/gf/partner, ya know? The whole "make me your prisoner" line is from ch96 and was indeed a request from Gojo to Marin for the Haniel cosplay. From what I remember, the creator of the fictional 'Mandate of Heaven' series is very hard to please and any adaptations of his work could never meet his high standards. I can't recall if there's a serious reason behind it or not, but Gojo took it as a personal challenge to create the perfect cosplay, but it could only be done with Marin's help by really showcasing an uncaring attitude and emotionless smile that would cause everyone to fall for her anyway. And oh boy, does our girl nail it. A bit too effective in Gojo's case too.

The "I wanted it to stop" and Gojo admitting himself as selfish does bring up the offer Marin received in ch100 to my mind. Basically, a lady from some fancy agency gave Marin her card and told our girl to get in touch with her if she wanted to cosplay full time. I honestly don't remember if Marin had ever mentioned that she wanted to go professional or if she ever believed she could reach such a level, as this seems to just be a hobby she finds joy in, but with such an offer now on the table, I wonder how that idea will play out now that we're all aware of Gojo's jealousy. Seeing Marin draw a crowd during the school festival and at Comiket seemed a bit irritating enough for our boy, so imagine how he might feel when Marin's influence reaches an even larger audience. I highly doubt Gojo would ever actually tell Marin to stop cosplaying just to spare him of feeling jealous though, and I don't think she would consider stopping herself either. If anything, she was about to tell him about it, until a phone call from Gojo's cousin interrupted their conversation, but perhaps this could still be discussed next chapter or sometime in the future.

Anyways, Gojo admitting his jealousy is one thing, but he's too good of a boy to tell Marin to stop cosplaying. I can't imagine all the cosplaying would end either since that is quite literally the main idea for the series. It also wouldn't feel right for him to continue to pursue his dream working with hina dolls if she can't go out to enjoy her passions either. All that aside, he's too busy figuring out why in the world he's feeling jealous in the first place.

I WISH I could remember exactly which chapters all these Marin flashbacks belonged to but for the life of me, I simply can not. I just skimmed through the entirety of it and quite possibly too quickly to find them all, so I apologize. That being said, I was certain the first one was from the first chapter when Gojo first showed Marin the hina doll inside the sewing room at school, but that panel isn't anywhere there, so I'm mistaken. I fall short with locating the second panel as well, since it doesn't give me any clue on what outfit she might have on like the others do. The third however! That's from ch61! Right as Gojo is getting ready to do her makeup for the Rei cosplay during the school festival. Their whole class is crowded around Gojo to watch him work his magic, unknowingly adding to the pressure he feels, when Marin notices his nerves and simply asks if he's okay. The fourth flashback is from ch89, when they're out shopping for supplies for the Haniel cosplay. Gojo is taking his sweet time browsing through all the fabrics, making sure he finds the best choice when Marin suggests she goes off and gets a head start at looking at other stuff they'll need to buy. She tells him to leave this part to her and that "cosplay is a two person affair, right?" So, two outta four ain't bad I think, but I do wish I had context for the first two flashbacks considering the next panel is just..

THIS. Our precious boy actually saying those wonderful three words! Sure, he's told her how beautiful she was during ep5/ch14 (though he was falling asleep on the train) and sorta offhandedly admits that Marin can be cute during his conversation with Shinju in ep9/ch28, but THIS is to her face! Out loud! With purpose and feeling! I honestly wasn't expecting him to openly confess first like this, especially with how much time we've spent in Marin's head as she wasn't shy at all with her thoughts and fantasies to us readers, but whatever! It's real and happening!

Dude feels so ashamed of himself for no reason. Okay, I know there's reasons, as we've just spent how long going through all his buried emotions to understand what he's been feeling for the past however many weeks or months it's been since he first had these feelings, but I can't be too bothered by it all since that grab of his scarf has captured all my attention.

YEESSSS SWEETIE! Get your man! No hesitation! No teasing cheek kiss to a big bunny costume he's wearing to a Halloween party like during ch48 either! Thank fuck! Damn, I'm gonna go crazy whenever this entire chapter get animated.

Ohhh it feels so long since she first admitted her love to him over the phone in ep12/ch39 to an already dead asleep Gojo, but girlie does not waste a single second to spill her feelings out for him to actually hear loud and clear this time!

Absolutely love how any and all tension that was looming over these two kids the past couple chapters effectively vanishes in an instant when Marin switches right back to her usual cheerful self. The big sparkles in her eyes and even the heart backgrounds in her excited text bubbles are too precious!

Pfftt, his completely blank face. Someone save our boy for he has no idea what he just got himself into.

I appreciate that Marin isn't mad about Gojo being jealous, since he was so worried that it could've ended their friendship, but I do hope they can both work to lessen their slight jealous tendencies since their feelings are now out in the open and mutual. I don't think the jealousy is gonna be a complete serious issue between them, but Marin has brief moments. The only moment that comes to mind however is when she finds out Gojo asked Shinju to come over to his place to work on her cosplay (ep10/ch30), but I can chalk that one up for laughs more than anything. With Gojo, I dunno. I'm certain Marin will tell him not to worry about anyone else and perhaps how she's only interested in him, or something along those lines.

Our boy has not moved an inch throughout Marin's adorable love ramble. Gojo is truly stun-locked.

And let's goooo, we even get another kiss! As high on cloud nine as I am for these two.. Marin, honey, you gotta slow down! Gojo is so overwhelmed by all this right now, he's practically shaking! Whether it's because she also confessed or because.. well, she's still laying right on top of him like this. Our boy needs a moment to relax!

Sweet lord.. I'm so thrilled for them. The confession was so worth the wait and done real well in my opinion if my endless chatter wasn't proof of that enough. I haven't a clue on what will happen next chapter, but for Gojo's sanity, I pray that Marin's dad does not walk through that front door. Other than that, I think Marin will eventually bring up the professional cosplay offer she received and ask for Gojo's opinion. I have a feeling she might discard it so their cosplay duo can continue just like it does now, but I can also see how Gojo might make her reconsider, like if he's gonna continue with his hina doll goals then she should have a grand dream of her own too. The whole jealousy thing might be talked out a little bit more, but maybe it's just solved for comedic purposes. I dunno, but we shall see.

So yeah. I've fangirled enough over these two cute kids. For now. Who knows if I continue these ramblings for upcoming chapters or not. It certainly wouldn't be first time I planned to chat about just one chapter and ended up writing out several more for a series. It's quite possible.

[eddathegreat]

I Guess I'll Post About Shipping Mizu

The way I see it, we've got 3 options for Mizu: Akemi, Taigen, and Ringo.

I ship Mizu with Ringo.

Here is my long-winded breakdown of why.

Akemi is probably the worst match for Mizu. Which is really unexpected, I'm frankly almost always gunning for the lesbian option. There are reasons they could work: they could find some solidarity as women in a shared culture, each trying to find their own way. They are both ruthlessly determined and willing to be underhanded. However, they have led very different lives, Mizu of poverty and Akemi of privilege, and we see Akemi often acting very entitled, while Mizu is unlikely to ever give a shit about being 'proper.' Most damning, I think, is that Akemi is resolved to be Great by the end of S1, hence why she and Taigen don't work out. Mizu is very similarly not very interested in being great: she wants to kill some people, and is otherwise lacking in aspirations.

Which leads into me talking about Taigen. They have a shared appreciation for swordplay and martial arts. I'm not so blind I can't see the sexual tension in their fights. And they are both people who could be happy to settle down and live a mundane life, away from everything. However, Taigen is... especially bullheaded. Just kind of a dick all around. He's honorable, sure, but within the bounds of his honor code he is repeatedly an asshole. I cannot possibly imagine him responding well when he finds out that a woman is wielding a sword, and that flavor of constant dickishness really puts a damper on any of his stronger points.

Ringo, in contrast, is nice, in a way that I think complements Mizu very well. There are some issues, of course. Ringo also wants to be Great, like Akemi. There is a pretty big gulf between the two in how comfortable they are with violence, Ringo shying away while Mizu embraces it. However, Ringo is also actively interrogating what he wants out of life, which also reflects Mizu's struggles, and I can see them actually deciding on a life course together. There is also solidarity pretty much from the start of their relationship, Ringo accepting Mizu as a swordswoman and Mizu not dismissing Ringo as worthless, even praising his ability to be stealthy. Mizu is vulnerable with Ringo in a way that she isn't with the other two. Ringo is careful enough to balance Mizu's recklessness, but also willing to roll with her, and I like the dynamic.

The last big comparison I have to make is how each of them responds to Mizu's bullshit. When she hurts Taigen and Akemi, each of them are quick to reverse their positive impressions and start referring to Mizu in racialized terms. Ringo, however, calls her out for more appropriate reasons. And while all three have had their conflicts with Mizu, her conflict with Ringo never became homicidal or even violent. In fact, Ringo is the only one of the three who actually has a positive history at all with Mizu.

[lazysublimeengineer]

Man, I'm remembering Naruhaya again and it's sad Naruhaya Asahi hours again for me 🥲 he is probably the only side character who got eliminated that I honestly got sad about. His backstory, fears during the second selection and his disqualification scenes and dialogues with Isagi hits hard. Naruhaya's backstory is the second one that made me tear up a little with Chigiri's past and backstory is the first backstory in the franchise that really made me emotional. And is still is.

Also, half of the fandom is wild sometimes about Isagi. Like I get him being feral on the field and his opponents but I digress that he was *that cruel* to them. His match after Naruhaya was the evidence of it. Isagi had the time to belittle him or mock him because of what Naruhaya said to him before the match. But no. After the match, Isagi was surprisingly somber and and a bit regretful. He was the only opponent that he didn't openly mocked afterwards and even swore to him that he'll win for him. And that's how vital Naruhaya is to Isagi's character development. Because they were on the same pod before. They're the type of players who will not get chosen in the past if they lost in the second selection.

Bittersweet.

But also, I admire that Naruhaya is the first person who knew and acknowledged his adaptability. He said that Isagi wasn't afraid to change and he knew that his movements were now stolen from him. God, I can never move on from these two during second selection I swear-

But let's head now to Nanase and Rin in the current arc of the manga shall we? I really appreciate the fact that Nanase was determined and actually making an effort to be a good player in order to make it to the top 23 list because he knew from himself that he wasn't that great. And Isagi had said so himself during the U20 arc. I like the fact that Rin had taken him under his wing and trained him even though the price for it was to be his own dog or a lackey in the field perse. (Well, almost all the characters are doing this to survive). Nanase wasn't in my radar. Until now.

Because he's making an effort and was trying so hard.

He's a side character that's getting important and it's making me care for him.

Again.

Which is not good because I'm getting some vibes that he's not gonna make it.

Especially with Rin NOT BEHAVING ON THE FIELD.

Like I acknowledged Rin being a genius on the field but it pissed me off when the ball was assisted by Nanase to him but he ended up showing off to Isagi instead of just kicking the ball in the goal immediately before Hiori got the time to counter it. Ugh.

Now I know half of the fandom probably wants Kaiser or whoever from BM like Isagi or Ness to score a goal (as an act of revenge) in the next panel. But all I want is for Rin to score a goal again with an assist from Nanase to have the latter got a higher bid and higher spot and probably enter the top 23.

Because if Rin won't score again, God, I may have to say goodbye to Nanase and him entering the top 23. Jfc. It's like Naruhaya all over again.

[elyvorg]

Kazuma Asogi: Behind the Paragon

The Great Ace Attorney is so very great that it’s become my favourite Ace Attorney game, and it’s also given me a new all-time favourite Ace Attorney character, in Kazuma! Despite him getting quite a bit less screentime than the other major characters, he’s just so fascinating and has so much going on under the surface that’s perfect for me to get my analytical teeth into. So here's a big analysis post in which I break all of that down and talk about Kazuma’s character in great detail. (There will be spoilers for Resolve, too.)

Now that we’re safely beyond the readmore, I can add that a lot of this comes from me having spent all of Kazuma’s screentime during my first playthrough of Resolve very intrigued but also very confused. I kept constantly switching my perception of what the hell was going on in his head, desperate to figure him out, determined to make it all make sense even after I’d finished the game and still couldn’t quite fit it all together yet. And, well, I’m confident that I have now! This is something of a record of my achievements in unravelling the fascinating puzzle that is Kazuma. But also even aside from that, he’s just delightful and full of so many issues, and all of it deserves to be talked about.

Because I used every scrap of canon Kazuma content I could get in order to get as much insight into him as possible, I’m going to be mentioning some stuff not from the main game here and there. There’s the Escapades, bonus scenes that can be found in the game’s special contents menu, the first two of which feature Kazuma. And then there’s some much more obscure bonus content: the original Japanese 3DS release of DGS2 came with a pre-order bonus of two mini cases, one set in Japan, the other set in London. These unfortunately cannot ever be republished and localised due to legal reasons, but fan translations of them can be found on Youtube if you search “Japan DLC”/”London DLC” along with Dai Gyakuten Saiban. (They’re technically not DLCs, but that seems to be what people have settled on calling them.) They can both be assumed to be canon, and as the Japan one features Kazuma as the POV character, it has some good relevant content for our purposes here. I highly recommend you go check them out! (The London one lacks Kazuma but is also good, especially if you like van Zieks.)

Part 1: Japan

Losing his father

Originally, I felt like I ought to start this off by talking about just how much Kazuma idolised his father when he was alive. But then I realised there’s not much opportunity to do that when we don’t actually see any of his time with his father, beyond that one photograph. So it says a lot that we don’t need to have seen any of it to still be able to appreciate just how much Kazuma’s father meant to him, because it’s already so clear from the way his death shaped Kazuma’s entire life.

That said, we see barely any of it on the surface. Kazuma never talks about anything directly to do with his father at all until the Professor case is right in front of him and he can no longer avoid doing so. Even Ryunosuke went their entire friendship until Great Britain seemingly not having any inkling of the fact that Kazuma’s father was so important to him, let alone anything involving his death. From Adventures alone, we get basically no indication of the single most fundamental part of Kazuma’s entire character.

The one way in which Kazuma’s devotion to his father is even somewhat apparent on the surface – the only part of any of this that he ever freely talks about – is in how precious Karuma is to him. Kazuma is very firm about his belief that a Japanese man’s sword is his soul, and he mustn’t be parted from it. It’s true that this was a belief held by samurai in those times, but I’m sure that an even bigger reason why Kazuma is so insistent on never being parted from Karuma is that, by that same token, it also houses his father’s soul. So long as he keeps Karuma by his side, his father will always be there, watching over him. That must have been an immense help and comfort through his grief. (Very much like how Karuma was to Ryunosuke when he thought Kazuma was gone!)

No doubt the time Kazuma spent honing his swordsmanship with Karuma ever since he inherited it was a way for him to feel closer to his father. I like to think that the reason Kazuma’s so boastful about his Asogi Sword-Drawing Technique (something we learn about in Japan DLC) is that it was a technique his father had mastered, one that little Kazuma always admired and wished he could do too but could never manage it, until he had Karuma himself, when it was too late for his father to see and be proud of him. Calligraphy, too, is a pastime Kazuma most likely took up because, as he mentions in one bit of easy-to-miss dialogue, his father had a passion for it.

Mind you, Kazuma would be nothing if not used to chasing after his father’s absent back, what with how Genshin spent six years prior to his death still being decidedly Not There in his son’s life. But I’m sure Kazuma would have had an easier time handling his absence then, when he knew it was for a good reason –  no doubt Genshin had told him all about how important it was that he studies in Great Britain in order to make Japan’s judicial system the best it can be. (Though even then, living without his father must have been harder for little Kazuma than he’d have wanted to admit.)

But it’s not the same at all when he’s simply gone forever and never coming back and this never should have happened. Kazuma’s not seen his father in six whole years, and now he never will again. It’s a strange, atemporal kind of bereavement. When did Kazuma lose his father, really? The day he learned of his death? The day several months before that on which Genshin actually died? Or the day six years past, the last time he ever saw his father alive? That’d be hard for anyone to cope with, much less a child – even less a child whose bereaved mother is unable to be emotionally supportive, leaving him in the care of a new guardian he doesn’t know all that well.

Living with the Mikotobas

It’s a little unclear exactly when or even why Kazuma moved in with Mikotoba. Our only real indication is that Susato says he came to live with them “after she’d got used to having her father around”. Given that she was only six years old at the time, I can’t imagine that would have taken her that long – maybe a few months, tops? So Kazuma’s reason for coming to live with them couldn’t be because his mother had died, since that happens later. However, given that his mother eventually passes from grief, it’s easy to imagine that within those few months after learning of Genshin’s death, she became mentally unwell enough to be unable to look after Kazuma, and thus Mikotoba had to take him in. So that’s how I imagine it happened.

As for Mikotoba – well, we already know that he’s not the greatest at dealing with grief. Even coming back to Japan with the resolve to finally face his family again and be a proper father to Susato wouldn’t necessarily have made him any better at the emotional side of things. The pain from losing Genshin, his good friend, would still have been raw, and everything that happened was so awful and sudden and unresolved, and so… he chose to lie to Kazuma about the circumstances of his father’s death, feeling that would be better than having this bereaved teenager learn the horrible truth.

Kazuma always suspected Mikotoba had lied to him, even before the letter. He idolised his father as the Greatest Person Ever – there must have been a part of him that felt that surely someone that incredible could never have been taken by something as mundane as illness. (And perhaps, in some sense, he wanted it to be more than just that, because he didn’t know how to cope with all this grief and desperately wanted there to be somebody to blame.)

Still, Kazuma couldn’t really begrudge Mikotoba for lying, because he could understand that it was out of a desire to protect his feelings. But on the other hand, it must have hurt, having so desperately wanted to know the real truth about what happened to his father, and having that hidden from him out of pity, as if his feelings were too fragile.

This is bound to have shaped Kazuma into the mindset that if he ever wanted to learn the truth about his father, he needed to stop having feelings, because if anyone saw that he was hurting in any way, they’d pity him, and coddle him, and think he couldn’t handle it. And besides, Mikotoba, his only remaining parent figure, would have been not at all someone Kazuma felt he could open up to and be vulnerable around, because Mikotoba himself doesn’t know how to be openly vulnerable with grief either. (And Susato? She was far too young to burden with this.)

So Kazuma learned to shut it all away. He is far, far too good at suppressing his emotions about his father’s death, to the point that even he doesn’t consciously realise most of them exist. I’m pretty sure that the way Mikotoba approached the whole thing has to be a lot of the reason why.

The life-changing letter

The timing of when Kazuma received that fateful letter is harder to pin down. The only real indication is that he talks about how it revealed what had been hidden from him “for all those years”, which suggests it was several years after his father’s death, but I don’t know if that feels right? First of all, it seems odd that the anonymous writer of the letter, who did so out of uncontainable grief and resentment, would wait several years to get that off their chest. And I also feel like it ought to have been fairly early on in the timeline, because it very much feels like Kazuma has spent the majority of the ten years since his father’s death knowing about his execution and desperately wanting to put things right. It’s possible that Kazuma says it was “all those years” only because his sense of time has become warped by grief – and because the last time he saw his father alive was six years before his death, which would make it feel like longer than it really was.

Whenever exactly it happened, receiving the letter would have had a massive impact on Kazuma and been a huge turning point for him. When he’s finally telling Ryunosuke and Susato the truth about his father’s fate in the scene in his office, this is the one part where he gets somewhat vaguely close to expressing something of how he felt about it – that is to say, he says that it “changed my life”. That’s not an exaggeration.

All along, he was right to have assumed his father wasn’t really taken by illness, that there was more to it, that Mikotoba was lying to him – but this is so much harder to cope with. Even worse than him having simply died, even more horrible than him having been simply murdered. It’s wrong. It’s not fair. And perhaps more importantly than any of that… there’s someone he can blame.

I’m very sure that Kazuma’s hatred of van Zieks extends all the way back to the day he received that letter. The letter itself probably didn’t mention van Zieks, but it also came with a newspaper clipping to prove its legitimacy – probably a headline such as “Barok van Zieks Avenges Older Brother in Glorious Courtroom Victory against the Dreaded Professor!” There’d certainly have been plenty of reasons for the newspapers to have mentioned his name when reporting what they were allowed to disclose about that case.

The main reason I’m really sure that Kazuma’s hatred of van Zieks is so long-lasting (long enough to support the idea that he must have received the letter quite early on) is because of how heartbreakingly irrational it is. If it’d been something that Kazuma only latches onto in the eight days after regaining his memory and realising this was the man who’d prosecuted his father, he’d have been nowhere near as desperately fanatical about it in the ensuing trial. This is a deeply formative grudge that’s festered for the better part of ten years, born from the rage of a broken, grieving teenager who had no idea what else to do with all of that pain.

Because he certainly couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Susato was still just a child, far too young to burden with any of this. Mikotoba had already lied to him in an attempt to protect his feelings, leaving Kazuma unwilling to trust him with the exact painful truth the man had been trying to shield him from. And when he went to Jigoku, someone less close to him whom he maybe thought would be more likely to just give it to him straight, he got laughed off, after seeing for a moment in Jigoku’s eyes that he knew and was lying about it too. No wonder Kazuma internalised the idea that he cannot ever tell anybody about this, so powerfully that that concept even persisted in the amnesiac voice that drew him to London, telling him ”no-one else must know”.

When grief became determination

Even so, even after receiving the letter and learning the awful truth, Kazuma didn’t immediately fixate on his goal to go to Britain and put things right himself. No doubt he would have wanted to, and thought about it and imagined the idea of it. But it must have seemed so unreachable – for him, to become the very best law student in all of Japan in order to be chosen for such a rare opportunity as an exchange to Great Britain. And then, to somehow be able to pierce through the lies and find the truth, against corruption so powerful that it even destroyed someone as impossibly amazing as his father…? That’s nothing but a fleeting dream. Lost among his grief, he must have felt so small, so powerless to ever achieve something that huge against such impossible odds.

But then, a year after Kazuma received the letter, his mother died too, finally succumbing to her own grief. Not only did Kazuma find himself with even more unbearable pain to deal with, but he was also faced with a very stark illustration that grief can literally kill you.

And, in Kazuma’s own words, that’s when he made up his mind: that one day he would make it to Great Britain and seek the truth, no matter what it took. It was that additional agony of losing his mother to the same horrible injustice that took his father, and the fear – no doubt subconscious; I can’t imagine he’d have ever consciously broached the thought – that the grief would kill him too if he didn’t find some way to cope with it and push it down and turn it into purpose, that led to his unbelievable determination to personally put things right.

Kazuma really is incredibly strong. He’s had to be. He even frames it to himself as “I had no choice”, when really, of course he made a choice to do this. But it doesn’t feel that way to him, not when the only alternative he could see was to let himself be obliterated by grief and helplessness.

Perfectionism and Fate

Kazuma’s sheer determination to fulfil his mission at all costs ended up shaping a lot of other little things about the kind of person he is.

It’s subtly notable in a number of places that Kazuma is kind of a ridiculous perfectionist. Escapade 1 in particular is a great source of it – he literally wears that headband as a constant reminder to himself of the time he messed up a tongue-twister once, what a dork. One might think that this simply comes from him being an Asogi; van Zieks comments after his first trial day that Kazuma’s “flawless performance very much reminded me of his father”, implying Genshin was also a lot like this. Then there’s the whole thing about the, uhh, Karuma clan having originated from an apprentice to Genshin. But while that’s probably part of why Kazuma’s like this, I don’t think it can be all of it. Genshin was a good dad and I cannot imagine him being so brutally strict as to ingrain such an overwhelming standard of perfectionism into his eight-year-old son.

The real reason Kazuma became so incredibly intolerant of the slightest mistake or flaw is that he felt like he had to be, in order to achieve his goal. Only the very best of the best could ever be chosen to study abroad in Great Britain, so he couldn’t afford the slightest failure. And it’d take someone even greater than that to be taken seriously as a foreign student in the British courts – where he knows his father must have not been – and to pierce through corruption so strong that it even defeated his father. Kazuma must have felt like he had to become nothing short of perfect.

But even then, even if Kazuma devotes everything he has to studying and manages to become the most perfect, skilled, disciplined lawyer the world has ever seen… there’s still a chance that might not be enough. There are certain parts of his goal of getting to Britain that are out of his hands and are basically down to nothing but luck. What if the Japanese government just never offers another British study tour? What if he gets passed up for some arbitrary reason such as being too young, or them not accepting defence lawyers, that has nothing to do with his ability?

This leads into another interesting subtle trait of Kazuma’s that grew from this, which is that he appears to have particularly strong ideas about fate. It’s right there in the official localised title of his character theme, for one: “Samurai of Destiny”. The amnesia voice – which is made out of thoughts ingrained deeply enough in him that they weren’t completely forgotten – tells him that his destiny awaits him in London. During a press dialogue in 2-4 when Sandwich is mumbling something about fate, Kazuma chips in with, “The defence is fated to lose. And the prosecution to win,” which comes across as very forceful and weirdly uncalled-for of him.

But Kazuma has to believe that coming to Britain and winning this trial and avenging his father is his destiny. He has to believe that fate is on his side for all of the parts of his mission that aren’t under his control. The possibility that he could fail anyway, despite all his effort and hard work, purely due to some random chance… that’s just a completely unbearable thought. There’s a very telling line he delivers at the end of Japan DLC, which sounds like a principle of his that he lives by: “If you hold onto your will, then the winds will blow in your favour.” Kazuma has had to convince himself that so long as he works as hard as he can for the sake of his goal, Fate itself will reward his determination by granting him the opportunities he needs to achieve it.

Unexpected friendship

One thing Kazuma very much wasn’t expecting Fate to do for him, mind you, was to give him a best friend. As we learn in Escapade 1, Ryunosuke and Kazuma meeting really was complete happenstance that could easily not have come to pass. Ryunosuke just happened to be Kazuma’s final opponent in the speech competition, and then Kazuma just happened to be bad enough at tongue twisters to flub his final line (about filial piety, because of course Kazuma’s speech was about filial piety, aka respecting one’s parents and elders), such that Ryunosuke won the competition and registered in Kazuma’s head as a person of note.

(I also love how their meeting in the speech competition mirrors their actual dynamic in a lot of ways. Kazuma went into his speech with a strict and perfect plan, and then choked when he made a small unexpected mistake, while Ryunosuke just kinda bumbled along with something much simpler and more instinctive but didn’t stop for anything. As such, Kazuma ended up being the one to idolise Ryunosuke, despite that Ryunosuke would never imagine that was the case. Plus it’s just very fitting that they first met as opponents and rivals, given their eventual opposing roles in the courtroom.)

Kazuma approached Ryunosuke after the competition not even out of any attempt to befriend him, but simply to ask him how he doesn’t trip up on his words – in other words, Kazuma just wanted to learn how to be perfect again after his “failure”. And yet, Ryunosuke, the precious earnest dork that he is, saw that the super amazing star student Kazuma Asogi seemed to want to get to know him, and just kinda friended at him real hard? And it worked… and all of a sudden Kazuma found himself with a best friend, completely without having intended it.

Having a friend like Ryunosuke brings out another side to Kazuma that’s very rarely seen – that of a more normal person that he otherwise might have kept being if he hadn’t lost his father. It’s difficult to realise just how rare and remarkable this is, especially for the first half of the game, as we experience everything from Ryunosuke’s perspective and so only see what Kazuma is like around his friend. But we can see glimpses of it in how he interacts with other people. Even with Mikotoba, who’s Kazuma’s surrogate father figure and someone he’s known for most of his life – Kazuma stands to attention when speaking with him and seems a lot more formal and guarded compared to his relaxed, open body language with his friend. He basically never smiles at anyone except for Ryunosuke (and sometimes Susato too, but it’s a lot rarer), because their friendship is the only source of genuine happiness Kazuma has in his life. Without Ryunosuke, Kazuma would probably never smile, and barely even remember what it felt like to be happy… and I doubt he’d even realise how unusual and tragic this is, because something like happiness isn’t relevant next to his mission.

It might seem from Ryunosuke’s perspective, with how much he idolises Kazuma, that he’s the one who benefitted the most from their friendship. But really, Ryunosuke would have been fine without Kazuma – a little aimless, perhaps, but he’d have lived a perfectly decent life. Kazuma, though? Without Ryunosuke, he would have found his burdens so much harder to bear, and might even have lost himself to his demons entirely in Great Britain. Kazuma was always the one who needed Ryunosuke, not the other way around. I suspect that it was Kazuma who started calling Ryunosuke “partner” first – he’s the one who uses the term more – out of noticing that Ryunosuke seemed to feel inferior to him and wanting to make it clear that they should be equals. He respects and looks up to and is grateful to Ryunosuke so much more than he could ever say.

On the surface, though, Kazuma mostly seems to show his affection with plenty of biting snark, and also a lot of stern nagging at Ryunosuke to study harder and be less scatterbrained and things such as that. He’s basically a dad friend! Which feels very appropriate for Kazuma, for obvious reasons. Hopefully Ryunosuke helped Kazuma out in his own, opposing way, by encouraging him to take breaks sometimes and not work himself way too hard. I’m sure that Ryunosuke, being an English student – a subject he chose probably just because he likes words and wordplay and therefore finds it interesting – also would have been able to help Kazuma a lot with practicing his English for when he goes to Britain.

As for Kazuma’s Britain mission, Ryunosuke quickly became abundantly aware of just how determined his friend was to go there… and yet Kazuma evidently could never bring himself to tell even his best friend the reason why. It must have been incredibly refreshing for Kazuma to have a part of his life so completely unconnected from the overwhelming weight of his mission and his father’s death looming over him, something that could let him just feel normal for a little while. It seems like Ryunosuke never even knew that Kazuma had lost his father at all until the waxwork scene, and even afterwards, he low-key buys into the idea that Genshin was the Professor until their conversation in Kazuma’s office. This means that not only did Kazuma never bring up his father’s death to his friend, he also never mentioned his father at all, because Ryunosuke would have been a lot less likely to assume that Genshin was a serial killer if he’d ever heard Kazuma talking about his father with pride.

And yet, perhaps it’s also because Ryunosuke is so completely unconnected to any of the events and people who had to do with his father’s death in Britain that Kazuma eventually felt somewhat able to open up to him about it – or at least, he was clearly trying to work his way up to doing so while on the Burya. He couldn’t bring himself to get that close to the truth with anybody else, not even Susato, despite her being his literal assistant (you’d think she’d need to know at some point, Kazuma) and also basically his sister. And she was already fully aware of at least the part where he'd lost his father, which is one step up from Ryunosuke. But she’s too connected to the events of ten years ago by being Mikotoba’s daughter, and was also so very young until quite recently, so it just never crossed Kazuma’s mind that he could perhaps confide in her, even though of course he trusts her in principle. Poor Susato.

Being a lawyer

While pursuing his mission, Kazuma studied to become a lawyer – a choice that’s rather interesting, considering what happened to his father. On the one hand, a lawyer is the kind of person who could hypothetically have saved Genshin from that wrongful execution. On the other, being a prosecutor was always really the better path for Kazuma to take for the sake of his actual goal of bringing the people responsible for his father’s death to justice!

According to Susato, Kazuma’s goal to become a lawyer is “a promise he’d made to his father”. It’s ambiguous whether this is a promise he made directly to his father while he was alive, or a promise he made as part of his personal mission to avenge him following his death. I think it’s a lot more likely to be the former, though, for a few reasons. If it was the latter, it’s bound to be because a lawyer could have prevented his father’s wrongful execution – but I don’t know if Kazuma would fixate so much on this empty hypothetical of how things could have gone when it’s far too late for that, not next to the more grimly pragmatic approach of being a prosecutor. And the fact that I’ve gravitated towards the implication that Kazuma moved in with the Mikotobas before he received That Letter (and he implicitly told Susato about his promise soon after he moved in) means he probably wanted to be a lawyer before then anyway.

So, I believe Kazuma promised his father he’d become a lawyer in person, while they were still together! I imagine Genshin told his son a lot about what he was hoping to achieve for Japan’s justice system, and why defence lawyers needed to be introduced as a crucial part of making it fairer for everyone. And so, little Kazuma, hanging onto every word of his father’s ideals and eager to make him proud, promised he’d become one of the very first defence lawyers himself! He does always say that he wants to study in Britain for the sake of improving Japan’s legal system, and while that’s obviously not his main reason, I don’t think Kazuma would be comfortable saying it so often if it wasn’t still true.

…And then, his father died, and of course he would want to cling to that promise no matter what, even if his desire to change Japan’s legal system suddenly becomes very much second priority, and even if another path might actually be more practical for his ultimate goal.

(And even once he reads the letter and knows what his goal is, there’d be a large part of him that wouldn’t want to change his mind and become a prosecutor, no matter how much more practical that might be. After all, it was a prosecutor who got his father killed, and he’d hate the very idea of becoming the same kind of person as that monster Barok van Zieks.)

As part of being a lawyer, Kazuma has also formulated some strong principles about what it means to be one. A lawyer’s greatest weapon is their belief in their client, because they can’t ever know the truth for sure, and this means they have to believe in their own judgement of other people. He evidently cares about this enough to talk about it a fair bit, based on the fact that Ryunosuke can easily recall several of the things he’d said about it in the past.

Since lawyers are so new in Japan, and his father wasn’t one (detectives like Genshin would have to take a more objective approach, you’d think), Kazuma likely didn’t learn this stuff from anyone else. He must have come up with these principles himself. Which… when you move outside of the bubble of how Ryunosuke sees Kazuma and think about what Kazuma’s really like, seems almost odd. We’re talking about someone who only acquired a best friend by complete accident, someone whose interactions with everybody except for said best friend are almost entirely transactional, someone relentlessly, ruthlessly goal-driven… and yet somehow he manages to have such well-formed principles around the concept of believing in complete strangers.

So I believe that the only reason Kazuma has given so much thought to this is because of his own father’s case. For all he knows, Genshin really could have been a serial killer! He doesn’t have any proof either way! But of course Kazuma would be desperate to believe in his father’s innocence no matter what. Of course he’d want to cling to the notion that doing so, despite a lack of concrete evidence, is just the right thing for him to do, and that his judgement of his father from their time together has to be something he can rely on. That’s where all of his principles about a lawyer’s belief must have come from.

Despite this – and perhaps rather tellingly as to the fact that he came up with it for somewhat unrelated reasons – Kazuma also doesn’t seem to think he’s all that good at this whole believing-in-your-clients thing. After seeing his friend at work in one trial, he’s already acting like Ryunosuke’s obviously much better at it than him, even though his only evidence is Ryunosuke believing in him and his guidance, which is a completely different matter than believing that someone who’s accused of murder didn’t actually do it. Perhaps that’s out of a general overall sense Kazuma has that his best friend has always been better with people than he has, and was always more suited to this lawyer thing of choosing to believe in someone you’ve only just met, simply based on the kind of person Ryunosuke is.

Jigoku’s ultimatum: the assassination mission

About a year and a half after befriending Ryunosuke, it’s finally the time Kazuma’s been waiting for. After all the effort he’s been going through for the past nearly-ten years of his life, all that hard work, all that studying, it’s finally about to pay off. He’s finally going to take the exams to prove himself to be the best of the best and earn his place on an exchange to Great Britain.

But then, sometime during the exam period, Jigoku approaches him and tells him: actually, I don’t care how good you are, or how hard you’ve worked; the only way you’re getting a place on this study tour is if you agree to murder somebody.

And Kazuma realises, with a slow, dawning horror… that he’s actually going to agree to this. Something so underhanded and vile that under any other circumstances it would be unthinkable to him. Because he has to. Because nothing is more important to him than his goal.

Kazuma tells Ryunosuke on the Burya that he would sacrifice anything for the sake of his mission. But I think it’s quite likely that he never realised this fact until Jigoku gave him that awful ultimatum. Before then, he wouldn’t have assumed he’d ever need to. His mission to clear his father’s name and avenge him is righteous and just, so becoming able to achieve that ought to be an equally just path. It should require nothing but determination and effort, which aren’t really sacrifices at all. He never for a second expected he’d have to sacrifice his moral integrity of all things in pursuit of this.

Granted, he doesn’t remotely intend to carry out the assassination. But even then, simply saying he’ll kill someone, and the act of making a promise he intends to break are both morally reprehensible things to Kazuma that he would never otherwise have dreamed of doing. It goes completely against the kinds of principles his father must have taught him to uphold. (More on those later.)

It must especially sting for Kazuma to know that his utter desperation to go to Britain to the point that he’s willing to stoop to such depths is really the only reason he’s being chosen for the exchange. All that hard work and studying, all his academic achievements? Basically irrelevant, because Jigoku would have chosen him for his desperation anyway, even if he wasn’t the star student that he is.

Nonetheless, Kazuma would still have done his best in the exams, determined to prove that he is the top candidate and he would have deserved this for legitimate reasons, and so he can basically pretend that’s what’s going on and just not think too much about the whole assassin thing. He at least does a decent job of keeping up that façade on the surface, such as when he’s eagerly telling Ryunosuke at La Carneval (which they’re presumably visiting to celebrate him being officially chosen as the exchange student) that he’s finally been recognised for his “academic achievements and successes in court”. How forced must that smile have been, I wonder.

Japan DLC features some fun subtle exploration of Kazuma’s feelings on this matter. Rumours of “foul play” in the selection of Kazuma as the exchange student get brought up, as it appears that he in fact scored second place among the candidates, and not first. Kazuma never tries to argue against this on the basis that it wouldn’t make sense for him to have been chosen if he’d only been in second – after all, he already knows exactly why that might have happened. Instead, he just gets extremely worked up over the notion that what do you mean he wasn’t first???, even when it turns out that it was only by a margin of one point. And, yes, part of this is very much Kazuma’s ridiculous perfectionism at work – but it’s not just that. It’s also that he was desperately clinging to the idea that he does still deserve this on a real, above-board level, because at least he really was the top candidate academically, right? It has to have been a massive punch in the gut to learn that apparently… no, he wasn’t, and the only reason he’s getting this at all is because he was willing to agree to kill a man.

(I’m not gonna tell you whether or not Kazuma really did come in second place; you’ll have to watch Japan DLC yourself to find out.)

Jigoku claims during 2-5 that Kazuma had an actual reason for wanting to kill Gregson – and, sure, he theoretically does, since Gregson played a part in getting his father killed. But I don’t know if I believe Jigoku’s implication that this was something Kazuma knew about when he took the mission back in Japan. The only person who could have told him that is Jigoku, and, well. First of all, I’m not sure Jigoku even necessarily knew anything at all about how Genshin was framed at the time, since he seemed to have genuinely tried to stand up for him in court, and he was only involved with the faked execution half of the plot. And even if Jigoku did know about Gregson’s involvement, I’m not sure he’d risk telling Kazuma that, because that begs the question of how he knows about this, and Jigoku probably wouldn’t want to imply his own involvement in Genshin’s death in front of his son who is currently standing right there with a sword at his hip.

However. Despite that I doubt Jigoku told Kazuma anything about Gregson other than that this is his target and perhaps also that he’s an inspector, Kazuma’s still bound to have wondered. Why is Jigoku of all people insisting that he kills a random Englishman? He has to figure that whatever connection Jigoku has to this Englishman to want him dead must have something to do with what went on in Britain ten years ago, and therefore that Gregson is likely to be somehow related to his father’s death. I wonder if Kazuma ever considered the hypothetical: if it did turn out that this Gregson person actually was one of the ones responsible for killing his father, what would he do about the assassination then…?

Another point to note is that, based on his surprise when it gets brought up in 2-5, Kazuma was apparently completely unaware that his assassination mission was one of a pair, connected to the murder of Wilson. That said, he shows some interesting behaviour during 1-1 that suggest he’s figuring out some extent of what’s going on there. He’s silently lost in thought for most of the testimony where Ryunosuke’s trying to prove the existence of the woman whom everyone else suspiciously insists they never saw, and then he’s the first person to suggest, without any real basis, that said woman is both: foreign, and a student. I strongly suspect based on this that he’s realising this is a very similar deal to his own exchange assassination, in which the killer gets protection from the higher authorities due to being a foreign student.

Ryunosuke’s trial (and Jigoku’s other ultimatum)

Jigoku’s corruption in trying to keep Stronghart’s British assassin out of trouble during 1-1 is evident even in ways that aren’t immediately apparent on the surface. Remember that Ryunosuke was in prison for three days, and yet Kazuma only managed to take over as his lawyer the evening before the trial. That might seem a little odd at first: Kazuma surely would have heard about his friend’s arrest upon seeing it in the papers the next morning at the absolute latest, and yet it took him that long to get assigned to the case? Obviously this detail is there for the sake of the loophole that lets Ryunosuke defend himself, but it does make a lot of sense in-story, too. No doubt Jigoku, desperate to make Ryunosuke into a scapegoat for the crime, assigned him some random lawyer who was fully expected to throw the trial, and did everything he could to prevent the actually-competent Kazuma getting anywhere near the case. Kazuma must have spent those three days fighting tooth and nail against Jigoku’s roadblocks to be allowed to defend his friend, and even then, he only just made it in time.

(And he evidently never told Ryunosuke about any of this struggle he went through, presumably because he didn’t want to worry him, typical Kazuma. But poor Ryunosuke, stuck in prison for three days with no sign of Kazuma until the last minute – he must have assumed his best friend just thought he’d done it and abandoned him, oh nooo.)

With that in mind, consider the ultimatum Kazuma’s been given for this case, which was almost certainly put in place by Jigoku: if he fails in defending Ryunosuke, he loses his place on the exchange trip. Except that Jigoku does not actually want Kazuma to lose his place on the exchange trip at all, because then he’d have to find another assassin, and he’d be hard pressed finding anyone else desperate enough to agree to that like Kazuma was! However, what Jigoku also really doesn’t want, for the sake of protecting Stronghart’s British assassin, is Kazuma defending Ryunosuke in this case. He’s already learned that he can manipulate Kazuma into doing things he doesn’t like by exploiting his utter desperation to make it to Great Britain. By threatening Kazuma with the risk of losing his exchange trip, Jigoku is hoping to make Kazuma too afraid to go near Ryunosuke’s case at all.

Unfortunately for Jigoku, since this ultimatum isn’t a secret, he still has to make it appear above-board. What he’d really like to do is threaten Kazuma with losing the exchange trip if he takes the case at all, even if he wins – but that’d look pretty obviously dodgy. Why forbid the chosen student from going on the trip when he’s just proven his competence by winning a case? So all he can do is threaten to do that if Kazuma loses, and hope that this risk will be enough to sway him.

But of course Kazuma isn’t swayed. And it’s not because his best friend is more important to him than his chance to make it to Britain. After all, there’s no outcome in which he saves Ryunosuke but loses the exchange trip. If he wins the trial, he keeps both! So he’s just going to win it, simple as that. He refuses to acknowledge the possibility that he might lose. Because if Kazuma isn’t even good enough to prove his best friend’s innocence, if he can’t keep another person precious to him from being wrongfully executed (because that absolutely would have been Ryunosuke’s fate) even though he has the power to stop it this time… then how on earth is he ever going to be good enough to clear his father’s name in Great Britain? He simply has to be good enough, there is no other option.

He says as much himself in the trial’s recess, after Ryunosuke’s protected him from the ultimatum by defending himself, and yet Kazuma announces that he’ll give up on his trip anyway if they lose this case: “If I’m the kind of man who can’t help his best friend avert the worst crisis of his life… I shouldn’t waste everyone’s time by going to study overseas anyway.” That line means so much more when you know what “studying overseas” truly means to Kazuma.

Ryunosuke reflects about this decision of his that “that’s the kind of true friend he is,” but… that’s not really it at all. This is not actually about Kazuma being willing to sacrifice his chance to go to Britain for the sake of his best friend. This is about Kazuma’s utter inability to accept the idea of failure, and how badly he would fall apart if he did.

Coping with (near-) failure

And then… Kazuma basically does fail in that trial. There’s one awful moment at which he’s completely given up and can’t see any possible way out, and it’s only thanks to Ryunosuke that their case is salvaged. If Kazuma had actually been the one defending Ryunosuke, like he was supposed to be, Ryunosuke would have been found guilty. Kazuma would have lost his best friend, along with all faith in his own ability to put things right in Britain.

(It’s also interesting to think about why Kazuma fails. He approaches Brett’s first testimony with a firm Plan in mind – to prove that she had a way to hide a gun on her person. So when the apparent way to prove that turns out to be a dead end, he can’t see any other way forward. Meanwhile, Ryunosuke has no real sense of a plan at all and is just desperately grasping at any tiny detail that could mean something, leading to him noticing the burn mark that proves the victim was actually poisoned. Ryunosuke is a good defence lawyer, because defence lawyers have to constantly improvise new lines of reasoning to react to whatever curveballs the prosecution or witnesses throw at them! And the fact that Kazuma’s more skilled at setting out a clear plan from the beginning and less able to roll with the punches when unexpected twists happen goes to show that he was really always more suited for prosecution.)

Of course, since Ryunosuke did manage to save himself and things turned out all right in the end, Kazuma’s able to more or less – on the surface – gloss over the part where he basically failed when it mattered. He’s still desperate enough to go to Britain that he’s not about to give up on everything over a slip-up that didn’t end up having any actual consequences. But this near-failure of his nonetheless clearly bothers Kazuma a lot.

For that matter, it also bothers him that Ryunosuke took over his own defence at all, out of a desire to protect Kazuma, as if he felt Kazuma needed protecting and might not be good enough to win the case on his own. Of course Ryunosuke didn’t at all do it out of a lack of faith in Kazuma’s abilities – he just wanted to make sure that if things somehow went badly anyway, his friend didn’t have to suffer as well. But Kazuma certainly took it as Ryunosuke lacking faith in him. And then the events of the trial, that failure of a moment where Kazuma gave up, would have only cemented it in his head that Ryunosuke was right to.

Another of the delightful subtle things going on in Japan DLC is that Kazuma is really desperate to make up for his perceived failure and inadequacy in Ryunosuke’s trial. It’s set ten days later, as Kazuma receives a rather ambiguously-worded telegram from Susato and Ryunosuke about “new charges” and rushes to the courthouse, fiercely determined to defend his best friend and do it right this time. He doesn’t even bother reading the actual charges document, apparently feeling that he doesn’t need to, that perhaps if he gives himself a handicap by going in completely unprepared then he’ll just prove himself more when he wins anyway. Ryunosuke tries to tell him something, and Kazuma cuts him off, assuming that Ryunosuke wants to defend himself again, and insists that no, really, let him do it this time.

And then the trial begins with Kazuma making an absolute fool of himself when it turns out that he is the defendant, actually, and it was never Ryunosuke at all. This is quite possibly the only time in Ace Attorney where a protagonist, given one of those blatantly obvious can-you-read-the-Court-Record tutorial questions, is very clearly meant to have canonically got it wrong. Kazuma is so desperate to make up for his “failure” in defending Ryunosuke during 1-1 that he tunnel-visions hilariously hard on the completely false idea of his friend being the defendant again, just so that he can have an opportunity to do so. (Which also tracks with how very prone Kazuma is to tunnel-visioning on things that aren’t true in general.)

(What is Kazuma on trial for in Japan DLC? Again, not gonna tell you; go watch it yourself, because it is good Kazuma content.)

A friend-shaped package

Of course, Kazuma’s “failure” during Ryunosuke’s trial, and the fact that Ryunosuke was the one to pull things back on track with his surprising talent at lawyering, also leads to the very important event of Kazuma asking Ryunosuke to stow away with him to Great Britain. The trial must have dealt a huge blow to his ability to believe that he’d be good enough to find the truth about his father – but it also handed him a potential solution to that problem: his best friend. Kazuma can reassure himself that even if there comes another moment where he falters and can’t see any path forward, if Ryunosuke’s with him, then he’ll be able to see the way to the truth in Kazuma’s place.

That said, though, it’s subtly noticeable that Kazuma wanted Ryunosuke to join him in Great Britain anyway, even before the trial where he saw just how much potential his friend has as a lawyer. He casually suggests Ryunosuke should come with him while they’re chatting about it at the restaurant, in a way that makes it sound mostly like a joke, but I suspect he was hoping that Ryunosuke would bite and take the offer seriously. It’s also rather telling that he never actually explains to Ryunosuke that his lawyer talents are the reason why he’s asking him to come, once he actually officially asks after the trial – strongly suggesting that they aren’t really the main reason why at all.

The real crux of it is that Kazuma just doesn’t want to be alone while facing something as huge and painful and frightening as what happened to his father in Britain, not to mention the awful false promise he’s had to make in order to finally reach it. He just wants his best friend there by his side to make it all more bearable. Of course he does. So would anybody.

But Kazuma’s inability to acknowledge that he’s having painful feelings about any of this makes him completely incapable of admitting that this is the real reason, even to himself. Which is why he cannot bring himself to outright ask Ryunosuke for that favour until the trial gives him an excuse to do so. Now he has a proper, material reason why Ryunosuke can help him in Great Britain, both with his father’s case and also potentially with that awkward looming assassination issue. It’s a good reason, see, one that has nothing to do with his feelings, because he doesn’t have any of those and anyway something like that wouldn’t be a valid reason to ask his best friend to uproot his entire life for several years. (It would, Kazuma; Ryunosuke would absolutely do that for you if he knew how afraid you were about this.) …And yet, this excuse is really mostly for himself, since he never actually gets around to explaining any of it to Ryunosuke.

Well, no – Kazuma does sort of tell Ryunosuke about some of it on the Burya. He makes an attempt, at least, but he doesn’t get much further than “if you became a lawyer, then…” (you could defend me if the assassination mission gets me arrested), and “there’s something very important I have to do” (clear my father’s name and avenge him). I also get the impression that their conversation about it on the Burya is the first time Kazuma ever tells Ryunosuke the name of Karuma… which is probably the closest he can manage to get at that moment to talking about his father, since his love for his father is so deeply entwined with his love for his precious sword.

Kazuma clearly wants to finally open up and trust his best friend with this huge burden of his, now that he’s directly asking him for material help with it (and emotional support, not that he’d be able to admit that part). But close to a decade of believing that he can’t ever tell anyone the truth about his father’s death is not a habit easily broken, especially when it’s so tied up with all the painful feelings that he’s unconsciously suppressing so hard. Maybe Kazuma would have eventually worked up the courage to tell Ryunosuke everything somewhere during the two-month voyage, if it’d proceeded as normal. But unfortunately, tragedy struck before he could reach that point, changing the trajectory of Kazuma’s path completely.

Part 2: Great Britain

Unusual amnesia

I happen to have some rather unique feelings on the topic of Kazuma’s amnesia, in large part because I spent an awfully long time in my first playthrough utterly convinced that he was faking it. (It’s probably only thanks to the unusual circumstances of me playing the game that I ended up thinking that – I had seen a fan-translation of the first game and remembered Kazuma’s name appearing in a Secret Government Message, and had also been spoiled for his survival, which led to me imagining there was a lot more Secrecy involved in his upcoming role in the second game than there actually was.) This resulted in me writing a whole AU fic in which Kazuma actually was faking it, to explore why he plausibly might have done so and how he would have felt doing it.

Buuut I am fully aware that that’s not actually the intended canon reading, so I’m putting all that aside here to talk about the canon version of events (while also discussing why I had some very valid reasons to latch onto my alternative theory).

Here’s the thing about Kazuma’s amnesia: it’s not the regular garden-variety kind of amnesia. It can’t be, because if it was, then his actions in the 2-3 scene on the experiment stage where Susato recognises him wouldn’t make any goddamn sense.

There he is, an amnesiac who’s been compelled to come to London for some mysterious purpose he must be dying to know more about. And for the very first time since he woke up with no memories, here’s someone who seems to know who he is, is asking to talk to him, even calling out to him with a name that feels strangely familiar. Any regular amnesiac would realise that this person could help them regain their memories, and would eagerly take such a person up on that offer to talk and learn more about their forgotten self.

But Kazuma? He just turns around and leaves, barely acknowledging Susato or her reaction at all, literally not even looking at her or Ryunosuke for the entirety of the scene! And we can’t put this down to Stronghart’s ridiculous rule that he’s not allowed to talk to anybody, either, because when has Kazuma ever heeded arbitrary rules when something he cares about is at stake? On the surface, it makes absolutely no sense for the amnesiac Kazuma to respond to Susato’s outburst by just leaving. No wonder I thought he was faking it – that would be a perfectly fitting explanation for that scene!

But since he’s not faking it, what’s actually going on with Kazuma’s amnesia is that it has to be of the PTSD-driven variety.

It’s a lot like Daley Vigil’s, in that sense. We get some glimpses of how Vigil’s mind had warped itself in such a way as to avoid thinking about the traumatic memories he wanted to run away from, even when it went against all logic. It really didn’t make sense for him to have willingly quit his well-paid job at the prison to become a street pedlar, but he just… never quite manages to think that through and make that connection.

Similarly, Kazuma’s subconscious is steering him away from any reminder of his true identity, even though it goes against the conscious logic of him wanting to understand why he’s here in London. He ignores and avoids responding to these people who seem to know him, due to some deep and primal part of him that’s desperate to protect him from the painful truth of who he is and his mission. He probably doesn’t even consciously understand why he ignores them and leaves; he just does so, and then never thinks about it much, because his subconscious doesn’t want him to question it.

During van Zieks’s trial when Vigil is on the stand and it’s become apparent that his memory of ten years ago is hazy, Kazuma is the first one to suggest that he outright has amnesia (despite not having evidence for it like Ryunosuke does), and he gives a speech describing how such a thing can be caused by trauma. And the way he gives this speech is so very telling. It’s a lot more evocative than you’d expect for something he’d otherwise have just read or heard about somewhere, and he even uses “we” language for it, which he wouldn’t normally do when giving an example. It all reads as very suspiciously specific – as if this is as close as Kazuma can bear to come to admitting that this is something he’s been through himself.

Kazuma got amnesia not just from the injury he received on the Burya. It was more that the injury happened to trigger the deep, aching part of him that just wanted to run away from everything he is and is headed towards. To run away from the agony of his father’s death, and the fury towards his killers, and the unimaginable burden of having to put everything right in Great Britain. In that moment of traumatic injury, that part won out and managed to suppress all of that pain, to hide it where he couldn’t reach it - but everything was so intertwined with his very identity that it ended up hiding that too. There was a part of Kazuma so traumatised by everything he is, so desperate to make the pain stop, that all it could do was make him not be Kazuma Asogi any more.

And yet, it couldn’t block out everything. Kazuma’s sheer determination to make it to Great Britain at all costs was so deeply ingrained into him that it lingered, as the voice that compelled him relentlessly to London. Kazuma couldn’t do anything but follow that voice, making it all the way there all on his own against all the odds, despite not understanding why, despite subconsciously not wanting to remember why. He spent all those months with amnesia trapped in a mental war between the part of him that wanted to run away from it all, and the part of him that needed to run towards it. And of course the latter won out in the end.

The pain of remembering

Considering that Kazuma’s amnesia wasn’t just regular amnesia but his psyche trying to block out actual trauma, regaining his memories must have been agony for him. Especially so considering that the trigger was seeing his father as the Professor. No wonder he screamed as it all came flooding back.

It also means it’s not as strange as it might seem that his reunion with his friends in that scene is actually remarkably brief. Literally all he says to them is thanking Susato for taking care of Ryunosuke, and thanking Ryunosuke for taking care of Karuma, and that’s it. Hardly the heartfelt reunion with long-lost friends who’d thought he was dead for months that you’d expect him to have. This was another of the things that made me seriously side-eye the legitimacy of Kazuma’s amnesia on my first playthrough, because he was being so weirdly cagey about things. But that was because, at the time, I didn’t realise just how bad Kazuma is at talking about his feelings. He must have been in emotional agony for that whole scene, but of course he couldn’t let anyone see that, not even his closest friends (and especially not van Zieks, who must have still been silently present even though he vanishes from the Cutscene after a certain point). So instead, Kazuma just… leaves to cope with everything alone. If he’s going to break down over this overwhelming flood of emotion, he can do it where nobody else will see him. Just like he always has done, with all of the pain he's carrying.

Yet despite the agony that remembering caused him, Kazuma has absolutely no regrets about having done so. With his memories back, he’s once again fully on board with how overwhelmingly important his mission is, even if he may now somewhat understand why part of him wanted to lock it away. His conviction that facing the truth is always better, no matter how much it hurts, is likely a big factor in why he was so ruthlessly willing to force the truth out of Vigil’s mind, even though he knows the cost of doing so better than anyone else in that courtroom.

The pain of his amnesia – both having it and recovering from it – is also bound to play a big role in Kazuma continuing to avoid and be distant from Ryunosuke and Susato in the following days. Just before leaving the courtroom, he vaguely implies that he intends to catch up with them sometime… but then he doesn’t even contact them for over a week until they’re brought face-to-face again because of van Zieks’s arrest.

Kazuma must have expected the catching-up conversation with his friends to involve all sorts of questions about his amnesia, and about his father, and all of the pain he's been carrying. He just can’t bring himself to face that pain, so he puts it off, tells himself it’s less important than everything else he’s got to focus on now. Talking to Ryunosuke out of necessity because they’re opponents in a trial is much easier for Kazuma than opening up to his best friend about his feelings. Even when Ryunosuke and Susato come to his office to ask him about his father, Kazuma tries to brush off the topic by saying that they already know what happened and so they should already understand. It takes Ryunosuke asking in no uncertain terms to hear it from Kazuma himself to get him to actually talk about it. And even then, as he’s telling his story, Kazuma never once mentions how any of it made him feel.

In fact, there’s lot of times during Resolve (whereas he does it maybe only once or twice in Adventures?) that Kazuma addresses Ryunosuke with his full name. It comes across as strangely pompous and distanced, like he’s trying to put up a barrier between himself and his best friend, so that Ryunosuke won’t be able to see how much he’s hurting. Or perhaps it’s also because Ryunosuke is now his opponent in van Zieks’s trial, the person trying to defend and believe in that monster, and that’s easier for Kazuma to deal with if he puts more distance between them.

It's really kind of heartbreaking to think how this distance between Kazuma and Ryunosuke is largely the fault of the accident on the Burya. Even though Kazuma survived it, it drove a wedge between him and his friend all the same. Kazuma was at least attempting to work up to telling Ryunosuke the truth about his father while on the ship, but here and now in London, he barely wants to talk about it even when it’s right there in front of them. Being separated from his friends and forgetting he had them entirely shunted Kazuma right back into his usual mindset of having to do everything completely alone and rely on nobody but himself. That regained habit stuck around even once he’d remembered them – after all, having a friend he could rely on was never something he’d actively sought out in the first place.

But Kazuma barely realises what he’s missing out on, just like he never did before. Not when he’s far too focused on the mission to avenge his father that’s now finally within his reach.

The despicable Reaper

Kazuma must have had quite the shock, upon regaining his memories, to find himself already under the tutelage of Barok van Zieks, of all people. The man who wrongfully condemned his father to death, the man Kazuma’s loathed for so many years and been so determined to take his revenge on once he made it to Great Britain. And on top of this man being the effective murderer of Kazuma’s father, it turns out that he’s also the Reaper of the Bailey, a serial killer who murders every innocent defendant that he fails to convict in court.

With his regained memories, Kazuma would have latched onto the rumour that van Zieks is the Reaper and seen it as the inarguable truth the very second he thought about it, because it makes far-too-tragically-perfect sense in his head. He’s grown up coping with his grief by clinging to his hatred of van Zieks as this monster who killed his innocent father, because he’s just that terrible. So it just makes sense to him that van Zieks would continue to do that with everyone else he prosecutes, no matter how innocent they may be. Kazuma says himself, when arguing for why van Zieks would have wanted to murder Jigoku for his petty crime, “Isn’t the whole premise of the Reaper absurd, killing those who have been found innocent? Clearly the rules by which the man operates… are beyond a sane person’s comprehension!” There simply doesn’t need to be any actual rhyme or reason behind van Zieks killing someone, in Kazuma’s mind.

As I said earlier: I extremely strongly believe that Kazuma knew about van Zieks from the moment he read that fateful letter, and has hated him for all those years. His hatred is too irrational to not have been born from the emotions of a broken grieving teenager desperate for someone to blame. Van Zieks is the monster under the bed, the bogeyman who destroyed Kazuma’s entire life – of course he’s the Reaper as well.

A fun little detail of Kazuma’s constant seething hatred towards van Zieks is that he almost never refers to him as “Lord van Zieks” while he still sees him as the enemy. That happens only a tiny handful of times, like three or four, whereas the rest of the time he sticks to “the Reaper” (which he obviously is, right), “the accused”, or simply “Barok van Zieks”. While simply calling him “van Zieks” without a title would probably be considered rude and be called out, Kazuma clearly does not want to afford this man the dignity and respect of being referred to as “Lord” if he can help it, so he goes out of his way to avoid doing so most of the time.

One courtroom-language quirk I noticed while paying attention to this is that the term “defendant” is only used by the defence, and meanwhile the prosecution will always refer to the same person as the “accused”. With this in mind, it’s very interesting to consider that when Kazuma presents the noticeboard of Reaper cases and talks about the victims, he refers to them as van Zieks’s past “defendants”. He is thinking about them from a defence lawyer’s perspective – meaning he believes they were innocent. And van Zieks, that monster, had them killed anyway, because killing innocent people for no reason is just what van Zieks does, right?

(Kazuma is also apparently able to employ some mental gymnastics on the topic of Asman, who was guilty as sin but got acquitted due to corruption. Kazuma would have helped van Zieks work on that case and therefore surely must have been aware of just how awful Asman was. This would, you’d think, paint a picture in his head of the usual kind of people van Zieks prosecutes and that maybe several of those killed by the Reaper weren’t actually so innocent after all. But it seems like Kazuma manages to file that away in his head as Irrelevant, because it contradicts the monstrous image of van-Zieks-the-killer-of-innocents that he’s clung to for so long. Probably helped by the fact that he had amnesia at the time of the Asman case, so it all feels very separate from his reborn hatred and is easy to brush off.)

Revived as a prosecutor

Kazuma must have also got quite a shock at the other part of the situation he suddenly found himself in when he regained his memories, which is that, oh look, he’s a prosecutor now. Earlier I discussed my thoughts on why he stuck to his promise to his father of being a defence lawyer and never considered switching to prosecution even though it would actually be more practical for his ultimate goal. But now that he’s here, in Great Britain, with his father’s case coming into the open and van Zieks right there within his grasp… how can he turn down such a perfect opportunity?

Still, he’s not entirely happy about it. He’s not able to admit that, not even to himself, because he can’t be allowing himself to have doubts about something that’s such a necessary part of his mission now. The only indications that he’s conflicted about this are in his body language: when he talks about how he’s a prosecutor now instead of a defence lawyer, he tends to appear more hesitant and less sure of himself than usual.

(At least he can take solace in the fact that his will to be a lawyer hasn’t vanished entirely, because Ryunosuke’s there, carrying it on in his place, being exactly the kind of lawyer Kazuma was trying to be. That means a lot to Kazuma, no doubt helping to alleviate some of his guilt about abandoning that promise he made to his father so long ago.)

Kazuma’s hesitancy around the idea of being a prosecutor now is bound to be wrapped up in the fact that it was a prosecutor who got his father killed. In fact, when Susato tries to argue that van Zieks was simply doing his job in convicting Genshin and deserves no blame, Kazuma shuts that idea right down: “It’s people who condemn people. The law is just a tool they use to do it.” Out of his sheer desperation to have a target, a person, whom he can hate and blame, he chose to take on a worldview that allows him to view van Zieks as the man who personally murdered his father. Clearly the law itself, as a flawed system, wasn’t a satisfying enough target to hate in the midst of his grief.

But this mindset of Kazuma’s gets very awkward if you follow the logic through to its natural conclusion. Prosecutors are always condemning people to death, and that’s perfectly legal and acceptable so long as the accused is truly guilty. If the law is simply a tool, the same as a sword, then… wouldn’t that also make it equally acceptable to straight-up murder someone if they’re guilty of a capital crime? Doesn’t that mean that vigilante justice is right and justified? Doesn’t that make what the Reaper does justified?

I don’t think Kazuma’s actually thought this through that far. He never shows the slightest hint of feeling like the Reaper’s actions are justified, at any point, even after he’s dropped the irrational conviction that all the victims were innocents. According to this logic, it would have been right for him to personally murder Gregson for playing a part in killing his father – but he’s clearly horrified by the dark impulse within him that wanted to do just that. Despite the words Kazuma came up with to give himself an excuse to blame and hate van Zieks, his base sense of decency and honour still instinctively feels that vigilante justice is wrong and that true justice can only be carried out through the courts.

Nonetheless, it’s got to be nagging at the back of Kazuma’s mind in his newfound position: that thought that by being a prosecutor he’s effectively killing people, and it’s only acceptable if they’re truly guilty, but if he ever gets it wrong then he’s basically committing manslaughter at best. Geez. I hope that sometime after the end of the game, he rethinks his “the law is just a tool” mindset, because continuing to be a prosecutor while feeling like that makes him effectively a killer cannot be healthy for him, even if he is doing it to combat the “demons” of society.

(The actual answer to this seeming moral conundrum is that the death penalty is wrong and barbaric, and that nobody truly deserves to die for being guilty of a bad enough crime, whether their sentence is carried out via the law or not. It’s got to be rough for Kazuma and van Zieks and every other Ace Attorney prosecutor stuck working with a system where they routinely send people to their deaths.)

The assassination mission

In the week after regaining his memories, Kazuma must have been busy using his status as an apprentice prosecutor to search for every scrap of information he could about the Professor case, in the hope of finding something he could use against van Zieks. (Far too busy to get around to contacting his friends, of course.) But in amongst that, he’d also be haunted by the other thing he’d remembered – that someone in Britain expects him to assassinate Gregson.

Imagine his panic and horror when he’s approached in secret by Gregson himself, of all people, to talk to him about an assassination. Kazuma must have had to put on one hell of a poker face until he re-oriented himself and realised that Gregson was actually talking about having Kazuma help him assassinate somebody else, for the Reaper.

The actual purpose of this mission is, of course, not a real Reaper killing and very much to give either Kazuma or Jigoku the chance to kill Gregson. But, as I’ve already discussed, Kazuma is completely convinced that the Reaper – who is obviously van Zieks, right – would just want to kill Jigoku for that petty crime he got acquitted for ten years ago. So Kazuma definitely buys that this is a genuine Reaper mission.

Still, he must have wondered if there wasn’t more to it. See, the Reaper mastermind himself never approached Kazuma to get him to agree to be the assassin here (he can’t have, or Kazuma would have learned it isn’t van Zieks), so it must have been Gregson who was Kazuma’s only point of contact. And yet, Gregson wouldn’t have done so without expecting Kazuma to be fully on board – meaning the Reaper also expected Kazuma to accept the mission. Which is a hell of a thing to expect someone to agree to out of nowhere… unless said person knew Kazuma had agreed to a different assassination mission already. From this situation he’s found himself in here, Kazuma would be able to deduce that the Reaper is the same person who masterminded his exchange assassination, and that actually this is also the mission to assassinate Gregson that he’s been dreading and hoping to avoid forever.

But he can’t just refuse the mission, because this also happens to be his perfect chance. He’s been looking into the fateful autopsy that got his father convicted and knows that Gregson had a hand in it – must have had a hand in forging it, surely, because his father was definitely innocent. The only way Kazuma feels he can be sure of confirming that from Gregson himself is by doing some not-very-legal threatening of his life, and the only place he can do that without getting himself into trouble is while they’re on an illegal mission, something Gregson can’t speak of without incriminating himself.

Which is… actually a terrible approach for Kazuma’s ultimate goal of proving his father’s innocence in court! Not only is he going to have to incriminate himself to even admit that Gregson confessed to anything here, but Kazuma stating what Gregson told him is just hearsay and not admissible in court as actual testimony – to say nothing of the fact that Gregson was being threatened. It simply would not work at all (and it certainly doesn’t get him far when he actually does bring it up). Kazuma ought to know this… but he’s just so desperate to find anything that can even just feel like he’s got Proof of his father’s innocence. He must be so afraid that he’ll never be able to uncover anything that matters if he doesn’t resort to this.

(He said he’d sacrifice anything for this, right? He already has; what’s the big loss from just one more blow to his morality, when it’s already been tarnished?)

Having confirmation for himself that Gregson did indeed forge the autopsy, and did it on somebody’s orders, would nonetheless help Kazuma put some pieces together. He probably already suspected that the person who wanted Gregson dead probably wanted to silence him due to something related to his father’s case, and now he can be even more sure of that. Said person has to be van Zieks, right, since van Zieks is the one who prosecuted and framed his father and is The Worst. And Kazuma’s also now been able to deduce that the exchange mastermind must be the same person as the Reaper. Thus, he can prove that van Zieks is the Reaper!

Kazuma insists to Ryunosuke later in his office that he has proof that van Zieks is the Reaper – and he does, more or less. It’s made from a lot of deductive reasoning that’ll be tricky to have stand up alone in court, it’d require Kazuma to incriminate himself to even talk about (which of course he’d be willing to do, if there was no other way), and it’s based on the completely mistaken premise that van Zieks was the original prosecutor on Genshin’s case… but there is some actual logic there in Kazuma’s head that isn’t just his blind hatred. He’s so furiously determined to prove van Zieks is the Reaper in the trial not only as revenge, but because he knows that in doing so he’ll be bringing things around to his father’s case and proving the fabrication there, thus finally clearing his father’s name.

The demon

Of course, Kazuma really, really wishes that Gregson would just tell him who ordered him to forge the autopsy. He already knows (so he thinks) that it’s van Zieks, but hearing it from Gregson’s own lips would be proof of it. At least, it feels that way, in the heat of that moment in that cabin where he’s able to mostly forget that none of this will stand up in court anyway and is just relishing in finally getting to hear someone admit to how corrupt this all was. If nothing else, he just wants to hear validation of his furious convictions that all of it was van Zieks’s fault.

But as he realises that Gregson will never talk no matter what, Kazuma loses control of his anger. He’s been keeping all of his pain and grief and rage suppressed for so, so long, never letting himself show any of it, only even letting himself feel the anger as long as he can turn it into purpose – he has absolutely no idea how to healthily cope with it. If he’d had anyone at all during his adolescence whom he’d felt safe opening up to and who could have helped him learn to process his emotions, his anger here would have likely been controlled enough to not lead to anything bad. But as it is, it’s been suppressed for so long that it simply explodes out of him. He’s standing in front of this man who’s just admitted to playing a role in his father’s death and yet still won’t give him what he wants, and suddenly Kazuma finds himself overwhelmed with blind fury and wanting to kill him, and—

…The moment is presented ambiguously enough within the game’s format such that one might interpret it as Kazuma deliberately swinging his sword at Gregson’s trunk on the floor or something, redirecting his anger towards the trunk as a proxy for Gregson himself. But I don’t think that can be it. The angle of the gash in the trunk, the direction it’s subtly curving in, doesn’t look like it could reasonably have been made that way by a natural right-handed sword swipe if the trunk was lying upright and open on the floor. It only works if the trunk was open and sideways at the moment of the impact – meaning it must have been held by Gregson, as a shield, to protect himself from Kazuma striking directly at him.

Not only did Kazuma want to kill Gregson in that brief, awful moment – he actually tried to. He’s incredibly lucky that Gregson reacted quickly enough to block it, or he’d have ended up completing his assassination mission after all.

It probably occurred to Kazuma himself just how close he came to this. We know just how haunted he is by the “demon” that he realised was inside him that day. But in true Kazuma style, I suspect he coped with it for the time being by suppressing it and basically trying to forget it had happened, clinging to the notion that Gregson wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what’d happened without admitting to the mission and incriminating himself.

Except that, shortly after Kazuma arrives back in London, he learns that Gregson’s been killed. I wonder if, for a brief horrified moment, he felt like this was karma finishing the deed that Kazuma only didn’t by pure luck, that it might as well have been him…?

…Only for Kazuma to hear, moments later, that van Zieks has been arrested for the crime, having been caught red-handed holding the gun. Everything would have instantly flipped itself around in his head: this is it, the golden opportunity to take that monster down, because van Zieks killed Gregson, and so there’s no need to think about how else it could have gone. On top of all of his usual hatred and furious drive to condemn van Zieks, perhaps just a little bit of Kazuma latching onto this was also fuelled by him desperately wanting to deflect and run away from his own guilt in Gregson’s near-death.

But is van Zieks guilty?

Still. Despite Kazuma’s fervent tunnel-visioning on van Zieks’s guilt for most of the case, one of the most intriguing things – and the biggest reason I found Kazuma so damn hard to get a read on during my first playthrough – is that, actually, not every single part of him is convinced van Zieks really is guilty.

What makes me so sure of this is the photo of van Zieks when he was younger, smiling happily with his brother and Gregson before everything went wrong. That photo is necessary for Ryunosuke to get through to van Zieks’s more vulnerable side and convince him to let Ryunosuke defend him – and it’s Kazuma who gives him the photo.

And, sure, Kazuma had plenty of reason to want Ryunosuke on the case even if there’s not an ounce of him that thinks van Zieks might be innocent, simply because he wants his best friend there opposite him as he uncovers the truth of his father’s case. But that alone doesn’t explain why Kazuma knew the photo would work on van Zieks. That means that there’s a part of Kazuma capable of acknowledging that van Zieks is a person who’s suffered (just like Kazuma has) and cannot actually be a heartless monster who murders innocents for no reason.

Of course, Kazuma barely acknowledges the part of him that’s thinking this. He’s extremely evasive in that entire conversation, especially when asked why he’s giving them the photo. (And he’s also very evasive when asked about Klint’s portrait in his office, for the same reason.) He doesn’t want to accept that he’s not actually one hundred percent all-in on his conviction that van Zieks is The Worst, because he can’t allow himself to be having doubts and to possibly be wrong in his mission that he’s worked so hard for.

And yet… though he could never admit it, that has to be a part of why he wants Ryunosuke to defend van Zieks. If it should happen that Kazuma is wrong after all, he trusts his best friend to be able to see the truth about van Zieks and prove it to him. He trusts Ryunosuke to save him from himself before he goes too far and condemns an innocent man to the same fate as his father.

Going native

As we move into the trial and see Kazuma stand as a prosecutor in the British courts for the first time, there’s a few more interesting little things about his character that become noticeable. One subtle thing going on with his demeanour here is that he appears to be putting in a conscious effort to appear as British as possible, despite his obvious heritage, in a lot of small ways. It’s in a pointed contrast to Ryunosuke, who remains unapologetically Japanese the whole time.

At one point in the trial, Kazuma describes a short distance using inches, the (at the time) British measurement. Later on, Ryunosuke describes the very same short distance using centimetres, the Japanese measurement, which goes to show that going out of one’s way to use inches isn’t a necessary part of speaking English as a non-native – and yet Kazuma does so anyway. Kazuma has a very pronounced English-style bowing animation, whereas Ryunosuke… well, he doesn’t have a bowing animation at all, but I can’t imagine him bowing in any way other than the Japanese one. And while Kazuma’s outfit changing to an English one wasn’t his choice, I suspect he might have made that decision anyway if it’d been up to him – meanwhile Ryunosuke keeps his Yumei uniform the whole time and never even considers dressing like anything other than the Japanese student that he is.

(And of course Kazuma doesn’t put his headband back on even though it’s right there wrapped around Karuma’s sheath, not only because it’s a Japanese style, but also because that headband was there as a reminder of his failure. Can’t be having any of that while he’s here in Britain and cannot afford to fail.)

Kazuma’s insistence on going native is particularly exemplified in a few jabs he makes at Ryunosuke in court, to the effect of “don’t imagine that a lowly foreign student like you would be allowed there”. Ryunosuke is quite understandably bewildered at the obvious hypocrisy of these comments, and I find that hypocrisy fascinating, because it’s almost… insecure of Kazuma? I believe what’s going on is that Kazuma is desperately projecting his own status as a lowly foreign student onto Ryunosuke alone, in an attempt to create a fantasy where he isn’t and is above that and will be treated with greater respect by the British judiciary.

After all, Kazuma is well aware that ten years ago his father was also “just a foreign student” and that this was likely part of why he was scapegoated and powerless to properly defend himself from the charges. (And, though not quite how Kazuma’s imagining it, that was indeed Stronghart’s excuse for not following up on Genshin’s suspicions of Klint, leading Genshin to take matters into his own hands and seal his fate.) So Kazuma feels like he needs to ingratiate himself into the British judiciary and act exactly like one of them in every possible way, so that they’ll respect him and listen to him and take his arguments seriously when he starts revealing the truth. It's painfully ironic, how he feels like he has to become the same as the very group of people who got his father killed.

(The one exception to this, the one part of his Japanese culture that he refuses to suppress no matter what, is Karuma. Because of course it is. Kazuma will not disrespect his father’s soul for anything.)

Not lying

I spent a lot of my first playthrough of the final case, given that I’d figured out he was with Gregson on the day of the murder, assuming that Kazuma must have been telling a whole bunch of lies in order to hide this. But, as it turns out, replaying while knowing exactly what went down on the Grouse and exactly how much Kazuma is aware of… he never tells a single direct lie at all. It’s really quite impressive, given just how much he’s hiding, that he manages to do so while never actively lying about anything. He has to be making a deliberate effort to do that, because lying would be easier.

In fact, the only time in the entire game that Kazuma ever lies about anything is during Escapade 2, on the Burya, when he absolutely has to in order to protect Ryunosuke from being discovered. He even thinks to himself, “I’d be lying if I said no”, before he actually says anything untrue out loud, as if he’s hesitating for a moment upon realising he’s got no choice but to lie here.

Most people would consider hiding the truth, in any way, to be just about as morally bad as lying, but Kazuma is freely willing to do the former all the time while going out of his way to avoid doing the latter unless it’s completely necessary. It’s an odd moral priority to have… which is what makes me suspect that this might be a principle of his that he learned from his father and therefore cares immensely about sticking to the very word of, even if what Genshin meant by “you shouldn’t lie” was probably something closer to “you shouldn’t deceive people”. (…That said, Genshin kept a lot of secrets of his own and had a hidden compartment in his sword for the purpose of doing just that, so perhaps he also had some slightly skewed priorities about deception. And, of course, he did eventually end up breaking this principle and lying with his confession – for Kazuma’s sake.)

Granted, most of Kazuma’s careful avoidance of lying happens in court, and could therefore be simply put down to him not wanting to be accused of perjury… but there is one very interesting example of him doing this outside of the courtroom. If you investigate the portrait of Klint in his office, Ryunosuke asks if Kazuma knows who it is, and Kazuma’s response is extremely evasive, with “Why would I?” and “I wouldn’t have the first clue what [van Zieks] decorates his office with”. It’s very striking when usually Kazuma would just give a straight yes or no answer to such a question. The real truth appears to be that he does realise this is van Zieks’s esteemed brother who was killed, but he doesn’t want to acknowledge that (as mentioned earlier, because that would involve acknowledging that van Zieks is a human person who is suffering) – however, he also doesn’t want to lie and say he doesn’t know, hence the evasive response that gives that impression without outright lying. It would cost Kazuma nothing to lie here, but he goes out of his way to avoid doing so anyway!

(He also exercises his expertise in hiding things without directly lying when it comes to how he’s feeling, of course. When he sees Ryunosuke and Susato again in Stronghart’s office after regaining his memories, he apologises for worrying them, and then, after a pause as if he’s searching for words, reassures them by saying “It’ll be alright now.” Not “I’m alright”, because he isn’t, and saying that would be a lie.)

Definitely not corrupt

Along similar lines to his insistence on not lying, Kazuma also really cares about giving off the impression that he’s being as honourable and above-board as possible during the trial. When Ryunosuke presents the alternative theory of how the Fresno Street scene could have been a set-up and Gregson was actually killed elsewhere a day earlier, Kazuma makes a big point of how this is only conjecture, but the whole judiciary is watching and he can’t allow the slightest doubt, so he’s going to pursue the possibility anyway. It reads a little like he's trying to stress how very rigorous and thorough he’s being, entertaining this conjecture from the defence just to be sure they do things right. (After all, he’s convinced himself it is just conjecture, because van Zieks is definitely guilty, right.) He’s also able to come across this way in the part on the second day where he admits he only brought up the smuggling angle because he was instructed to, but he disagrees and is now going to reveal the real truth that the Prosecutor’s Office was trying to hide.

Kazuma’s insistence on this is less specifically about his father’s principles (though there’s still probably a bit of that). It’s more just that he believes that van Zieks, and the British judiciary in general, was unforgivably corrupt in convicting his father, and he’s absolutely determined to be the complete opposite of that. When van Zieks calls him out for being in danger of becoming an “even more sinister Reaper” than him in the way he’s pursuing this case, Kazuma suppresses most of his reaction but is clearly Not Happy at that insinuation. He can’t stand the idea that he’s being a hypocrite, only able to clear his father’s name and condemn his killer using the same corrupt tactics and twisting of the truth that happened ten years ago.

And yet. Van Zieks may be a little off about the corruptness of the particular testimony that he calls Kazuma out on this for, but on the whole, he’s really kind of got a point. Kazuma’s approach to this entire trial, despite the way he tries to insist he’s doing this properly and righteously, is actually remarkably dodgy! It would make this post even more ridiculously long than it’s already being if I talked about every little bit of this (though maybe I will try and make another post going into this in more detail), but let me at least take you through some of the major strokes here.

[[Hey, guess what: I ended up making multiple other posts analysing Kazuma throughout the trial in line-by-line detail, which you can check out on my other blog here!]]

Questionable tactics

Prosecutors in Ace Attorney very rarely call the accused themselves to the stand, as it’s usually not necessary. Kazuma does it anyway, twice, despite it being thoroughly unnecessary here too. It’s all so that he can tear van Zieks’s testimony apart – which is not supposed to be the prosecutor’s job, but Kazuma’s still somewhat thinking like a defence lawyer – and make him guilty of perjury on top of everything else. The first time he calls van Zieks, Kazuma makes a point that “he believes in the oath of office he’s taken and will be compelled to tell the truth”, while fully intending to prove that he’s lying. The second time, later on day 3 once it’s been proven that van Zieks did not shoot Gregson and was not lying at all in his first testimony, Kazuma again tries to get him to “lie” by testifying that he had no involvement in the assassin exchange, and points out that if it can be proven he was involved, this would make van Zieks’s words perjury. Kazuma could have perfectly well explained the connection that he believes makes van Zieks the exchange mastermind without needing a testimony! But no. He is so viciously determined to prove to the court not only that van Zieks is a murderer, but also that he’s a horrible lying liar who lies. Which doesn’t seem like the correct priorities for a prosecutor to have.

Then there’s the whole part where Kazuma proposes they examine Gregson’s whereabouts on the day before his body was found, then subtly leads Ryunosuke into suggesting that he was investigating the redheads at Lime Park. Kazuma knows full well Gregson wasn’t there at all, because he was personally accompanying Gregson to Dunkirk that day. But he just… quietly doesn’t mention that fact (while being careful not to lie about anything, of course), and lets the court spend several testimonies on what he knows is a complete wild goose chase.

On my second playthrough of the case, I wondered if maybe Kazuma had somehow found out about Daley Vigil being Gregson’s fake-alibi man, and he pursued this line of questioning about the redheads because he knew it would end up with Vigil on the stand, thus letting him get answers about his father’s execution. But that can’t be it, because Kazuma is visibly surprised both upon learning about the fake alibi thing and also learning who Vigil is at all. Finding Vigil here can’t have been anything but a lucky coincidence for him.

So if that’s not why Kazuma lets this happen, then the real reason has to be, largely, that… it’s just a huge diversion ploy. He knows that whatever truth Ryunosuke does uncover about why on earth one of Gregson’s diaries mentioned Lime Park that day (something he’s bound to be a little bit curious about himself), it’s going to involve conclusively proving that Gregson was not murdered there. Kazuma then uses this misdirection to argue that this “completely destroys the defence’s case”, as if Gregson not being murdered at Lime Park on the 31st (because he wasn’t even there) means he must have been killed on the 1st at Fresno Street after all. That’s obviously nonsense, because we still haven’t looked into where Gregson really was on the 31st! It’s a little unclear how well this argument would have worked out for Kazuma, though, because he promptly gets sidetracked by the Vigil thing, which leads to an abrupt end to the trial day.

Chronic tunnel-visioning

The next day of the trial, after seeming like he cares about doing this honourably by subtly allowing Ryunosuke to see through the whole made-up smuggling angle that he was ordered by Stronghart to pursue – which really he does so that he can reveal that Gregson was working for the Reaper – Kazuma then proceeds to spin the absolute most bonkers line of so-called logic we’ve seen from him yet. It gets a little waylaid by Ryunosuke managing to prove that Kazuma was with Gregson that day as the assassin, but ultimately, Kazuma’s argument is as follows:

Gregson was ordered to kill Jigoku that day, and since he failed (because Kazuma refused to do it, not through any fault of Gregson’s, mind you), van Zieks, who is obviously the Reaper’s mastermind (still zero proof of this base premise to all his arguments) therefore must have killed Gregson as punishment for disappointing him. Kazuma acts so certain of this argument, like this is proof that van Zieks did it. But even if this didn’t rely on the completely unfounded base premise that van Zieks is the Reaper, and also the flimsy idea that Gregson was at fault for the mission failure, this still proves nothing but van Zieks’s potential motive, and not that he actually killed anyone!

(This isn’t the only time Kazuma argues using the base premise that van Zieks is the Reaper without backing it up – it also fuels half of his basis for calling van Zieks’s first testimony a lie, because obviously the Reaper must be lying about having never visited his own hideout before, right.)

And then Kazuma brings up Jigoku’s disappearance and makes an even worse argument: that van Zieks totally still wanted to kill Jigoku anyway, badly enough that he was willing to send some other assassin after him from prison (something he’s totally capable of, somehow, because uhhhhhh Reaper). Therefore, Jigoku’s disappearance proves that van Zieks had him killed, and thus also that van Zieks killed Gregson. Definitely no other possibility, not that if Jigoku’s missing it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s dead, nor that if he has been murdered it could possibly be the work of anyone other than van Zieks. If something bad has happened, then it must be because van Zieks’s is the Absolute Worst.

All of this backwards logic falls apart in an instant if you even just briefly entertain the possibility that van Zieks isn’t the Reaper and isn’t the Worst Person Ever. But Kazuma’s not being corrupt here on purpose – he’s just so horrendously, tragically tunnel-visioned into his reality where van Zieks is a monster that he genuinely can’t see how broken his logic is. He’s so convinced that van Zieks must be the Reaper and Gregson’s killer that any events which could be explained by that get twisted around in his head to become further proof of that, proof he’s confident enough to present in court, despite the obvious logical fallacy in that way of thinking. He genuinely seems to believe that this entire argument for van Zieks’s guilt, which hinges on the unfounded premise that we already know he's the Reaper, is going to then prove he’s the Reaper as well. That’s completely circular!

Even when Jigoku’s on the stand the next day, at which point most people’s suspicions would be likely to have shifted at least a little towards him (you know, given the whole fleeing-the-country thing), Kazuma’s opinion hasn’t budged at all. He remains firmly convinced that this is nothing but a dead-end, right up until he simply can’t any longer. When Ryunosuke manages to confirm that there’s blood in Jigoku’s trunk, thus conclusively proving that Gregson was murdered on the Grouse, Kazuma’s reaction is immediate and distinctly shocked – “You can’t be serious! You did it?” He is only realising in this very moment that Gregson’s killer was someone other than van Zieks, and he almost can’t believe it.

And even then, with Jigoku’s confession, Kazuma manages to mental-gymnastics his way into convincing himself that van Zieks definitely still ordered the killing and is therefore still guilty. It’s actually a relevant detail that Jigoku’s setup at Fresno Street was intending to frame Hugh Boone and not van Zieks, because Jigoku would never have tried to frame his superior. This way Kazuma can tell himself that van Zieks just carelessly, foolishly blundered his way into the trap set up by his underling for someone else (it’s a fun contradiction how the van Zieks in Kazuma’s head is simultaneously a terrifying monster and also a blundering fool) and it totally all still makes sense.

Opening his eyes

It really is kind of heartbreaking to see Kazuma, who truly is a highly-skilled lawyer most of the time, descend into desperate obvious fallacies like this. And while Ryunosuke is apparently still caught up enough in his idolisation of Kazuma to not notice any of his flawed logic for most of the trial, he does eventually see how clouded his friend’s mind has become. When van Zieks confirms he knew nothing about the fabrication of the ring in the autopsy, Kazuma brokenly tries to insist that no, it must have been him, it has to be – he’s clung to his hatred of van Zieks as a coping mechanism for his grief for so long that he doesn’t know what to do without it. Ryunosuke takes this opportunity to finally try and talk him down, telling him that his emotions have blinded him to the truth. And in a testament to the strength of their friendship, Kazuma listens and takes his words to heart. Surprisingly quickly, in fact!

Another of the little hints that a buried part of Kazuma was always capable of acknowledging that van Zieks is a good person is that it really doesn’t take long for him to re-evaluate his opinion on the man, once Ryunosuke talks him into letting go of his hatred at last. Only a minute or so later, Kazuma’s able to acknowledge that perhaps van Zieks is the one who’s been deluded all these years, that the reason he condemned Kazuma’s father could be simply that he was mistaken (or misled) about the Professor’s true identity. (Though Kazuma does phrase this statement as if he wasn’t also equally deluded about the real truth of things until just now, which sure is some projecting.) Later on, Kazuma fervently defends van Zieks by praising the strength he showed in enduring the title of Reaper for all these years, which is a remarkable level of acknowledging van Zieks’s suffering and humanity from someone who was until very recently convinced he was nothing but a monster! It just goes to show that Kazuma already did notice all these things about van Zieks during his time as his apprentice. He simply forced himself to suppress and dismiss those thoughts until now because they didn’t fit the villainous image of van Zieks he was so desperately clinging to.

Despite all of the awkwardness and reservations that it’d be difficult to shake completely, Kazuma does express respect for van Zieks at the end of the trial. He’s also clearly determined to keep studying under him, as shown by the fact that he’s the one to encourage van Zieks to keep prosecuting when he’s planning to resign due to his brother’s crimes. I suspect Kazuma wants to study under him not only because van Zieks the most skilled prosecutor in Britain, but also because he’s so incredibly good at not being corrupt despite everything, and Kazuma feels he needs to learn from someone like that, after having come so close to falling prey to his own demons.

Even then, with his respect for van Zieks and determination to learn from him, Kazuma still can’t forgive him for the mistake ten years ago that cost his father’s life. And that’s a heavy fact, considering that Kazuma himself is guilty of very nearly doing as much himself in trying so fervently to convict van Zieks. It would have been exactly the same kind of mistake – condemning an innocent man to death due to overlooking the hints at the real truth out of grief-driven hatred. That Kazuma can’t bring himself to forgive van Zieks for such a thing very strongly implies that he’s also not able to forgive himself for all the mistakes he’s made.

After all, forgiveness as a concept probably doesn’t really exist in Kazuma’s head. For ten years since losing his father, he’d never have felt like he needed it. How would forgiving the monster who destroyed his life have fixed anything? – far better to focus on avenging his father and bringing justice and putting things right. And by that same token… how would forgiving himself fix anything? Yet now here he is at the end, in a position where the healthiest thing to do really would be to forgive both van Zieks and himself for their mistakes and wrongdoings and move forward. But Kazuma doesn’t know how to do so.

And then there’s his father. Kazuma’s learned during this trial that his father – the man he so passionately believed would never take another man’s life, would never engage in underhanded deals, would never tell a lie – did in fact do all of those things ten years ago. It’s going to be tough for him to come to terms with that. But maybe also, that could help him? To realise that even his father, that esteemed paragon of justice in his eyes, was flawed and human, someone who compromised his own morals out of desperation and emotion and trying his best to do the right thing. I really, really hope it stuck with Kazuma that the reason Genshin lied and took the deal with Stronghart was out of love for him. If that’s an understandable enough reason, if that’s something he can forgive his father for, then it ought to be just as understandable and forgivable that Kazuma himself did so many things he regrets out of the very same love for his father.

The other thing I hope Kazuma reflects on is how glad he must be that he brought Ryunosuke to Great Britain. Even though things didn’t turn out remotely as planned, even despite all the awkward painful distance caused by the accident that separated them, Ryunosuke still succeeded in doing exactly what Kazuma brought him for, which was to help him. And that’s not only helping him find the truth, but also helping him do the right thing and not lose himself to his hatred and convict van Zieks. I truly don’t know if Kazuma would ever have been able to forgive himself if van Zieks had actually been wrongfully executed because of him, condemned to the same fate as his father. But that didn’t happen, thanks to Ryunosuke. Kazuma’s best friend managed to save him from himself.

I think Kazuma is at least somewhat aware of this, as indicated in the reason he asks Ryunosuke to hold onto Karuma at the end. Kazuma’s own demons are what caused him to horribly misuse Karuma and lead to it breaking, and he doesn’t trust himself with it any more at present – but he trusts Ryunosuke. On a symbolic level, he’s trusting his best friend to safeguard his soul and keep it from being damaged further, until he feels he’s grown enough to be worthy of it again and to be able to look after it himself.

So even though they’re parting ways for now, I hope Kazuma can look at the importance that his bond with Ryunosuke had in keeping him on the right path, and seek out other opportunities for friendship and connection during his time in Great Britain. More than anything else, what Kazuma needs to fight his demons and stay walking on the path of light is simply to not be alone.

~~~

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed my thoughts on Kazuma enough to make it all the way to the end of this post, you may also be interested in reading the Kazuma-centric fics I’ve written. They explore a lot of the concepts discussed here and even helped me to figure several of them out in the first place!

Sharing the Pain

An AU in which Ryunosuke and Kazuma are caught out in their stowaway ruse on the Burya, leading to a flogging as punishment. Explores a more vulnerable side of Kazuma than normal, his difficulty opening up to his best friend about his emotions and past even when he wants to, and the way he really just wanted Ryunosuke with him on this trip for emotional support and to not be alone but is completely incapable of admitting it.

Not Forgotten, But

My AU in which Kazuma actually was faking his amnesia, exploring how that might have come about and how it would have affected him. Featuring Kazuma’s hang-ups about the assassination mission, distancing himself from his friends, lots of hatred and mental gymnastics around van Zieks, suppressed trauma about his father’s case, and his inability to acknowledge that he could be having any kind of doubts or regrets about the situation he’s in.

A Friend, Locked Up

Taking place in that same AU where Kazuma was faking his amnesia, this follows up with what I very strongly believe should have happened in canon, namely Kazuma getting arrested for Gregson’s murder halfway through the final case. Includes his perspective of that fateful moment in the cabin with Gregson, and then featuring his suspicious actions and questionable approaches to the case actually collapsing around him in court, bringing Kazuma lower than he ever comes in canon and giving me plenty of opportunity to explore all the reasons he’d have to hate himself, before Ryunosuke pulls him out of that and saves Kazuma from himself in a much more direct way.