#also I don’t think it���s ever said what his mum looked like which is. Tragic

[ladyvesuvia]

Moniker Origin

PAIRING: Sirius Black x Fem!Gryffindor!Reader

SUMMARY: Befriending a stray dog not only leads to a routine rendezvous every midnight but also the story of how Sirius got one of his many names.

WORDS: 5.5k

WARNING(S): Just fluff but involves cursing, name-calling, nicknames, mentions of celebrities/characters from the 70s, mentions of eating and food. || SECOND PERSON

A/N: can u tell this is kind of an indirect prequel to i’m a dreamer hsjsiw anyway i hope u like it!!! for @meiitanoia my beloved sirius black lovebot <3

[NAVIGATION] [MASTERLIST]

    You woke up with a start. The curtains to your four-poster bed danced gently, as if attempting to put you into a trance. It worked: You watched it, transfixed more than ever until you slowly gained proper consciousness, or at least enough to let you yawn.

    You reached out to push the curtains a bit to find that it was still night-time. You could hear light snores coming from your roommates, but you ignored it in desperate hopes of falling asleep again. You couldn’t; not that you didn’t want to, because you really did. The reason for your tossing and turning at this late hour was most likely because you slept around six p.m., an unideal hour for sleep on a weekday. You’d passed on dinner, and told yourself you’d just take breakfast early in the morning.

    Giving up, you threw out your feet off the bed, feeling the cold surface of the floor. The clock told you it was half past eleven as it kept ticking and ticking and ticking.

    Before you knew it, you were trudging down the deserted halls of Hogwarts, half-melted dark chocolate in one hand and your lightened wand in the other. You bought it from Honeydukes just last weekend on your visit to Hogsmeade. You didn’t know where you were going, but you just wanted to be somewhere else, maybe even do something exciting.

    For cautionary measures, you looked in every direction every time you reached a turn in fear of getting caught by any roaming person of authority. Peeves would probably make a sound that’ll draw Mr. Filch’s attention; Mrs. Norris could appear, and that in itself is bad news already; Mr. Filch himself could catch you and start throwing insane threats; or maybe someone from the faculty could catch you and put you in detention, and you knew full well you did not want to spend time doing an absurd task.

    When you managed to slip out unnoticed, you walked over to the bank of the lake, the rocks crunching under your feet. It was probably one of the things you find in horror movies when all is still, all is sleeping, and the monster is yet to come—

    Your pulse skipped a beat when the sight of something running away from the forest shuffled past. You realized it was just a dog, but it gave you a shock nonetheless. Just a dog, you thought. Just a dog.

    You pulled out the chocolate from your pocket, unwrapping it carelessly. It wasn’t until you took your first bite did you realize the dog was right behind you, watching you with curious eyes.

    “I’d give you some but dogs aren’t allowed to eat chocolate,” you said to the dog, who then whined in response as it sat down. “I really can’t, I’m sorry.”

    One might think a big black dog sneaking up on you in the middle of a night would cause a fright, but it was strangely more comforting than eerie. After all, it was just a dog.

    Just looking at the creature reminded you of Snuffles, your very own dog who died while you were away from home and sitting in History of Magic, unaware your best bud had passed. You looked down hopefully at the dog in front of you.

    “Snuffles?” you inquired hesitantly, reaching out your hand. Please don’t bite, you chanted more to yourself than to the dog. To your relief, it approached you gingerly and let you pet its head. “Is it you?”

    Highly unlikely, you knew that, but it wouldn’t hurt to hope that it was, right? You’d spent your entire childhood with that dog: Sleeping together under a poorly done fort until daybreak; getting lost in the neighborhood together, earning disapproving opinions from the neighbors; and most of all, countless birthdays.

    Well, just to name a few.

    Maybe it was the moonlight reflecting off of the lake’s waters, but you could’ve sworn you saw the dog wink. You took your hand back to rub your eyes before studying the dog. “Are you Hagrid’s?”

    The dog simply sat there, looking at you curiously. “Right, like a dog’s gonna talk back to me.” You chuckled, laughing at yourself. “Come, I’ll bring you back to him.”

    It didn’t move. “Look, I can’t give you chocolate. Maybe I can sneak you some steak or something next time if you’re still here. I’d give you dog food but they don’t have that around here. But I reckon Hagrid has some, though. Do you want me to get you food?”

    Once again, maybe (just maybe) it was only your imagination, but you got the sense that the dog disagreed. You didn’t push it any further and so you simply made yourself comfortable even under the rocks. You set down your cloak under your bottom to serve as a mat. It didn’t do much, but it was better. You gestured for the dog to come closer.

    “I’m gonna call you Snuffles now,” you said as you picked up a stone. “Watch this.” With a swing of your arm, you sent the stone flying into the lake, skipping three times. “I used to be able to do four. You’d know, you were there!”

    Snuffles your dog from years ago indeed was there with you when it happened on your family trip to your lake house, but this was not Snuffles; this was your very own classmate and Housemate, Sirius Black himself. He’d never talked to you before, much less noticed you, so it was a surprise to him that he’s spending his time with you at this late hour.

    Nevertheless, it was a time well-spent even when it was mostly (entirely) just watching you skip rocks down the lake as you talked about the aforementioned Snuffles. He didn’t know how long you two sat there, but sat you did anyway. Twice he thought of a joke to tell only to be disappointed for of course, he couldn’t voice it out.

    “I named her Snuffles because she used to cry a lot when we first brought her home from the shelter and mum didn’t want us to call her Sniffles so I went with the next best thing.” You put your legs in front of you. “Poor little thing.”

    It wasn’t until the sky brightened a bit did you realize you were thirsty from all the talking you were doing. You would've stayed for the sunrise but, well, schedules would tragically overlap.

    “Crap,” you thought as you began picking up your cloak, “I’ll end up dozing off in class! Anyway, I’ll try and bring you steak later, Snuffy.”

    With a wave, you ran away from the lake, cloak in your arms, unaware that you had left your wand behind. Sirius was watching you until you disappeared from sight before he spotted the wand, which he then picked up.

    He de-transformed on his way just a bit by a wall, and as soon as he did, he tucked your wand into his own cloak. He glanced back just for a second before running back to the castle. By the time he got to the painting of the Fat Lady, he halted at the sight of the girl from earlier ��� you.

    “—you know me already, ma’am. I just forgot the password is all. Please let me in.”

    “No password, no entry,” spat the Fat Lady. “And it does not do to wake up a sleeping person.”

    “Well, you’re just a painting,” you mumbled. And if Sirius could hear it from where he was standing, the Fat Lady probably heard it too.

    “Hmph!” exclaimed the Fat Lady. “Children are foul.”

    “They are, aren’t they?” you chimed in hopes of getting on the Fat Lady’s better graces.

     “I was talking about you, child,” said the Fat Lady with disdain. “Now scoot!”

     You were about to walk away when Sirius decided to walk in. You froze.

    It was only until then did it dawn on Sirius that he did not know your name because you had not told him anything earlier. He turned to the Fat Lady.

    “Spondulicks,” said Sirius. The Fat Lady merely grunted as the painting swung open to reveal the room. “After you, m’lady.”

    It was like he was seeing a different person; you refused to meet his eyes as you hurriedly walked into the opening of the painting, arms crossed. He was almost about to give you your wand but realized what a bad idea that would be, and so he kept his mouth shut.

    You kept walking straight ahead, and Sirius had to stifle his laugh at the sight of you missing a step on the stairs to the girls’ dormitory, especially when your pace quickened after this.

    That morning at breakfast, you were nowhere to be found. Sirius took his seat next to James while skimming the length of the Gryffindor table.

     “What’re you looking for?” asked James, curiously scanning the table as well.

     “This girl with [Y/H/C] hair,” Sirius replied absentmindedly as he slowly settled down, still looking for her.

     “A girl? You’re gonna have to be more specific, mate. But bagsy snogging her.”

    “What — you can’t bagsy her, you haven’t even met her,” spat Sirius. James was rather taken aback but still seemed to be stifling his laugh at the outburst nonetheless. Sirius cleared his throat. “And need I remind you that you’re trying to get Evans?”

    “Mhm, I was just trying to see how interested you were in this girl to be preoccupied with looking for her instead of petting your hair.” More and more people began to file in to the common room and Sirius’s attention went to the door after determining you were not seated in one of the tables.

    “It’s called combing, and you should try it.” Sirius ran his hand through his hair. “It would do you good to look fresh at least once.”

    James snickered. “What can I tell you, Pads? The ladies like the rugged look.”

    “I don’t think they do,” remarked Remus.

    “Oh trust me, Remus,” James started with a smug grin. “They do. The key to it is—”

    But Sirius never found out what ‘the key to it’ was; at least, not today. After a group of younger Ravenclaws walked in, he finally spotted you right behind them and his back straightened even more. For what, he did not know.

    You took your seat beside a couple more Gryffindors and helped yourself to food on your own plate. You were busy rubbing her eyes, giving Sirius more time to watch. When you finished, you caught him looking at you, but he didn’t break the eye contact; instead, he smiled.

    “Oh, her?” exclaimed James, trying to get a better look. Sirius gently kicked his foot at how obvious he was, but he nodded in confirmation. James blew a raspberry. “I can’t bagsy, can I?”

    Sirius scowled. “No.”

    “Then I call dibs.”

   “Wha — that’s the same thing! You can’t just call dibs.” Sirius cleared his throat once more, for James was raising a brow to signify he’d proved his point. “You can’t.”

    “Wouldn’t hurt you to go on over and talk to her, would it? After all, you do it all the time.” James stretched out his arms and made gestures of triumph. “Hook, sink, liner.”

    “It’s actually ‘Hook, line, and sinker,’” said Remus.

    “No it’s not. Get a load of this guy,” James joked (or not). “Anyway, come on, I’ll come with you. But I apologize in advance if my hair works better than yours.”

    When they made it over to where you were sitting, you appeared to be manually wiping your plate with a tissue.

    “Excuse me,” started Sirius, gesturing at the plate, “May I?”

    Hesitantly and still not meeting his gaze, you handed him the plate. Sirius pulled out his wand and with a small flick, he said, “Tergeo!”

    When he handed it back, you simply nodded your head in thanks and began to stuff it in your bag.

    “Wait, are you stealing a plate?” James asked with a grin, on the verge of laughing. “You wouldn’t want to do that. See, our friend’s a Prefect and he’ll totally tell Professor Meownerva — pun courtesy of Peter, by the way.” James snickered. “I wish I’d thought of it first be—Ow!”

    Sirius had stepped on James foot. “I’ll take it from here, Bambi.”

    James managed a scowl before leaving the scene. You didn’t know what to do; so in your mind, you started devising ways to get yourself out of that situation: Make a run for it or melt on the spot; neither seemed like a good option.

    “Why are you stealing a plate?” he asked.

    “Er — long story. Have a good day.” Then you stood up and began to walk away, backing up a bit to grab a piece of sandwich before completely storming off.

    When Sirius returned the other three were there, laughing out loud together.

    James leaned closer. “Her name’s [Y/N].”

    “Then why didn’t you tell me?” exclaimed Sirius, annoyed.

    “Hook, sink, liner,” said James confidently.

    Remus cleared his throat again. “Again, it’s ‘Hook, line, and’—”

    “Yeah, sure, whatever,” dismissed James.

▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰

    On your first class (Transfiguration), the two of you clearly could not at all suppress your yawns: Sirius was doing fairly better compared to you, for he had the decency to not let his head plop face down on his desk, but he was sleepy nonetheless. This was no surprise to Sirius. After all, he hadn’t slept that morning. As for you, he did not know whether or not you slept but according to your peaceful and sleeping face, he kind of had a clue.

    He wasn’t listening, and so when everyone brought out their wands, he just cluelessly followed the others. Professor McGonagall approached the middle row and stopped just right next to you.

    “Miss [Y/L/N]?” started McGonagall. “If I’m not mistaken, bedtime ended hours ago.”

     You merely grunted. McGonagall cleared her throat. “Excuse me, Miss [Y/L/N]?”

    The professor put the back of her palm against your forehead. She lifted your face off the table and her eyes widened. “Heavens! Child, you look positively ghastly. Remus, kindly take—”

    “I’ll do it,” said Sirius. “I’m her. . .” As he trailed off, all eyes went back and forth from you, McGonagall, and him. He opened his mouth again to add, “friend. We’re friends.”

    Although McGonagall appeared to be reluctant, she let you go, advising you to visit Madam Pomfrey. Sirius risked a smug look in James’s way before following you out the door, eager to speak with you.

    “So you’re feeling unwell?” asked Sirius.

    “Look, buddy, I appreciate it but I honestly just want to go to bed.”

    “Didn’t Minnie McG tell you to visit Madam Pomfrey?”

    You halted. “I’m not sick.”

    “What do you mean? What about the drowsy eyes and the head hurting and the red nose—?”

    “Okay, now you’re making my head hurt.” You faced him, hands on your hips in defiance. “Here’s what’s gonna happen, Black: I’ll go back to my room and you’ll take a walk to the Hospital Wing and back to class.”

    “But you’re sick.”

    “Buddy, I’m really not,” you said with an irritated laugh. “I haven’t slept yet and I lost my wand. How do you think I’ll be able to go to class without a damn wand?”

    Sirius scoffed. “Then what about your runny red nose and teary eyes?”

    “Really? Are purebloods really that dense not to come up with basic ways to get out of class?” It was almost ironic. After all, you’d heard tons of brilliant things pureblooded wizards could do. Clearly they weren’t as crafty. You snorted. “Do you really want to know?”

    “Do I? Of course I do.”

    And with a bit of consideration, you recounted your gimmicks: collecting two chili peppers from the table and lightly patting your finger under your eyes to make it teary (it badly hurt), pinching your nose as soon as you left the Great Hall and sprinkling a bit of pepper on your sleeve to get yourself to sneeze, taking a quick hot shower without getting your hair wet, and more.

    “Wow,” he exclaimed under his breath, astonished. You shrugged in response, turning around to walk away. “Wait, then why did you agree for me to take you instead of Remus?”

    “Eh, well, your friend who’s trying so hard to be Michael Landon said that the Remus guy was a Prefect so I figured that he’s probably a snitch.”

    “Trust me, he’s not a snitch,” Sirius said with a laugh. “Wait, I don’t even know who Michael Landon is but could you say that thing again but to James’s face tomorrow morning at breakfast?”

    “No.” You turned your back on him, walking away. “May we never talk again.”

    “You’re welcome, by the way!” He watched as you made a turn, disappearing from view before making a face. “Ungrateful chick.”

    That entire day, you spent your time in bed, tossing and turning to keep yourself awake. Whenever someone came in during vacant time, you made sure the curtains to your four-poster bed were sealed shut while pretending to sniffle.

    It was Friday, so you were thankful for the time to rest. You were thinking of just looking for your wand tomorrow when you remembered the dog. You shifted in your bed as you slowly stood up, peeking through the curtains of your bed. Your roommates were probably still in the common room, so you peeked your head out to grab your bag from beside your bed and pulled it in before shutting the curtains close.

    You pulled out the plate you got from earlier that morning and waited.

    Waited for your roommates to come in and chat for a while.

    Waited until the lights went out.

    Waited until the only sound you could hear was the ticking of the clock in the room.

    You were about to fall asleep when what you could only assume was a bird hit itself against the window, jolting you awake.

    It was dead silent. And just like you did hours ago, you threw your feet out of your bed. Going out at this hour without a wand felt threatening, but you reassured yourself, just thinking over and over that it would be just like old times back when you didn’t know you were a witch.

    There was no one in the common room by the time you got down there. You tightened your grip on the plate in your hands, thinking about how good a weapon it would make (it probably wasn’t, but it was good enough to make you feel like you had a chance).

    You slipped out, unaware once more of the same boy you had talked to the night before following you.

    The walk down the halls and stairs without a light made your tour all the more frightening: Jumping when you accidentally graze your hand too much on one of the paintings which often earned an angry grunt from them, feeling for the next step of the stairs in fear of tripping over, and so on.

    Sirius resisted the urge to just approach you and give you your wand, resorting to just staying behind to make sure you got out safely. He was about to keep going straight ahead when you made a turn, confusing him.

    It took a few more turns for him to realize you were headed for the kitchens. He had to wait outside until you came back out a short while later with something in the plate.

    Laughing silently to himself, he followed you again to the grounds, your wand in his cloak pocket, feeling like a hundred pounds weighing him down.

    You went back to where you were last night, scouring the rocks in hopes of spotting a distinct shape among the round shapes. You cursed under your breath in disappointment as you set the plate of steak aside, your eyes falling to the dark surface of the lake. Gulping, you tied up the pant legs of your pajamas, mumbling inaudible words to yourself at what you were about to do.

    Only your feet were in the water when you heard a loud bark, causing you to jump a bit, toppling backward at the sight of the black dog. You felt the water soak your back and a bit of your head.

    “Snuffles?” you asked the dog whilst shaking yourself dry as you stood up. “There’s steak over there. It’s for you.”

    If it weren’t for his physical state, Sirius would be laughing right now. The least he could do was walk your way, sitting right beside the plate of the steak.

    “I know it’s not as good as I promised but it’s the best I could give, I’m sorry,” you said to the dog as it looked at you curiously. You bent down to pick up your cloak, drying yourself and wrapping it around you. With a huff, you squeezed the water out of your hair and sat down on the rocks once again. “I only came down here to look for my wand. It probably rolled down to the bottom of the lake already.”

    You yawned. The lack of sleep was already taking a toll on you and you couldn’t let the sun rise before you could lie down in bed.

    “Do you not like the steak?” you asked again. “You know, I got that plate for you.”

   The dog’s ears perked up, and you reached out to pet it.

    “Thank Merlin I got away from that fruitcake.”

▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰

    “I’m a fruitcake,” Sirius told his friends that morning as they fell in line for their Hogsmeade trip. James looked at his friend as if he had gone mad (well, one can say he’s halfway there). “Out of all the things I could be, I’m a fruitcake.”

    “Took you long enough to figure that out,” said Peter, who then brightened when James burst into a laugh.

    “You sure?” said Remus, adjusting his tie. “If you are, then you’re far too salty to be one.”

    “Guys, I’m ser—” He cut himself off, aware that they were waiting for an opening to pick fun at his name. “I am not joking.”

    “Because you’re. . .?” James said, encouraging him.

    Sirius let out an exasperated sigh. “Serious.”

    And just like that, the entire group howled in laughter. Rolling his eyes, Sirius scanned the crowd again, but it was the same thing as yesterday — you were once again nowhere to be found.

    “Wait, where did you get this fruitcake comment from?” asked Remus.

    Sirius recounted your past encounters with him, earning a whoop of cheer and a pat from James.

    “I have a plan,” said Sirius. “I’ll just so happen to ‘run into’ her in Hogsmeade and she’ll think I’m charming because I did my hair better today.”

    “I don't know, I reckon it’ll be hard to jump from fruitcake puppy to charming knight and shining armor,” said Remus.

    It wasn't until they were near the front of the line did Sirius realize there was still no sign of you. He then stepped out of the line, earning sudden protests from the rest of the group.

    He made a show of waving at the other three as he disappeared from view before darting down the halls and up the stairs until he made it to the common room, where he plopped down on the couch. A couple of first and second years were gathered by the window playing chess.

    Sirius kept his head down as he waited for you to come out until finally, about almost ten minutes later, heavy steps came from the girls’ dormitory as it descended down the stairs. Sirius kept his face down so as to hide himself for you, cursing at himself for being too. . .what’s a nicer way to put creepy again?

    He followed you again like the night before, going over the things he wanted to say.

    Hello, I’m actually Snuffles.

    I’m Snuffles.

    Hi, I’m not really a reincarnation of your dog because I’m actually a fruitcake!

    It just kept getting worse in his head the more that he dwelled on it, and so he resorted to just focusing on his step when you halted, causing him to run into you.

    “You,” you started, stopping with your finger pointed right at him, daring him to speak, “why are you following me?”

    “Because. . .” Sirius trailed off. Why was he following you?

    Because I'm Snuffles and I have your wand. Because I can turn into a dog. Because while I am Snuffles, I'm also not really Snuffles. Because—

    “Because I found your wand,” he blurted out. “Well, consider it as a token of appreciation.”

    “For what?”

    “For being a good friend. . . ?”

    “As far as I know, the first and only time we ever even talked was just yesterday,” you said, gesturing with your hands. “What’s your deal?”

    “I want to take a walk,” Sirius relaxed, grinning at you.

    “Then do it yourself!” you exclaimed.

    “With you, I mean.”

    Sirius’s tone calmed you down at least a bit, and so you cleared your throat. Come to think of it, he’s probably not that bad.

    You began to walk with him on your way out to the grounds. “And what do I get out of this walking thing of yours?”

    Sirius waved his hand with a flourish as we jogged ahead to stop right in front of you, tipping an imaginary hat. “Bragging rights, madam.”

    You halted. “You’re gonna have to try better than that, Vinnie Barbarino.”

    “Er — that’s good, right?” he asked, tensing up again as he composed himself.

    “Depends on how you look at it.”

    “Well, does he have nice hair?”

    “Again, depends on how you look at it.”

    “I don’t have a good feeling about this.”

    “You and me both, Vinnie,” you told him with a huff as you two set foot outside.

    “It’s certainly better than fruitcake,” he muttered under his breath. You leaned in closer, your brow raised in question. He shook his head and told you it was nothing.

    By the time you made it to the bank of the lake, you found yourself unconsciously searching the rocks for your wand.

    Sirius snorted. “You can keep looking but it’s not there.”

    “Wasn’t trying to.”

    He watched as you bent down to pick up a rock and moved closer to the lake. Just like you did a few nights ago, you swung your arm to skip a rock. It was kind of like a movie for him; the way your shoulders sunk a bit after getting only three skips. “I used to be able to do four.”

    I’d know, Sirius thought as he grinned at the irony. I was there. Maybe I really am Snuffles.

    “So, when are you going to give me my wand?” You turned around to face him again, dusting your hands as you did so.

    Sirius wanted to tell you about his alter-ego badly. But at the same time, it was right there and then Sirius realized something. He normally hated the idea of a routine; loathed it, even. But he figured that maybe, just this once, he could make an exception. He didn’t mind going out every single night as Padfoot or Snuffles if it meant the world to you to have something to look forward to. In fact, the line was starting to blur between all his names: Sirius Black, Onion, Padfoot, Snuffles, Fruitcake.

    Sirius cleared his throat and told you, “Monday morning when you have breakfast with me.”

    “I’m not gonna have breakfast with you.”

    “You are now because you’ll get a coupon.”

    “What coupon?” you asked, crossing your arms.

    “Bragging rights for spending time with me — Sirius Orion Black.”

    “You’re awfully presumptuous.”

    “Why are you so mean?” Sirius feigned pain by clutching his chest, making a show.

    You bit your cheek in attempt not to laugh. “Look, just give me back my wand.”

    “Give me your word that you’ll have breakfast with me first.”

    “Fine,” you told him. “Now will you give me my wand back?”

    Sirius let out a long sigh before taking a step forward and bending down to pick up a rock. He swung his arm backward as he made a shot.

    One, two, three, four.

    He faced you. “Hook, sink, liner.”

    “It’s ‘hook, line, and sinker,’ how could you mess that up?”

    “Damn it, James,” he cursed under his breath. “Anyway, here’s your wand.”

    This definitely took you by surprise, especially when he pulled it out of his coat pocket and handed it to you with only a friendly smile and without any hesitation.

    You grabbed it as fast as you could just in case he changed his mind at the last minute.

    Sirius fought the urge to pick fun at the fact that this was close to what one may call fetch.

    Wow, he thought. Merlin, I’m literally Snuffles. Sirius could hear his friends’ jeers light years away: Playing fetch with her, Snuffy? Will you also let her walk you? Oh, wait, you already did!

    “Thank you,” you told him. “I was literally prepared to dive down there just to get my wand. I know what a big hassle it is to get it replaced and everything.”

    “I know,” he said, pertaining to how he knew the lengths you were ready to go to just so you could find your wand, but you took what he said an answer to what you said last.

    Sirius began walking again, and you followed. “Why didn’t you go to Hogsmeade with the others?”

    “Eh, I’ve been there a lot of times. We’ll go there next time. I’ll take you to—”

    You halted. “Woah, woah, who said I’ll be coming with you?”

    “Time,” Sirius protested. “It tells you things even you wouldn’t be able to know.”

    You scoffed as you kept walking alongside him. “Eh, well, we got Professor Trelawney for that. What do you say we visit her classroom and play with balls? I mean, orbs. No, stop laughing.”

    But he didn’t stop. And honestly, neither did you; not even when you completed a turn around the grounds.

    That night was a brilliant one: You were headed back downstairs, this time keeping your wand tight in your hand as you did so.

    Just like as far as always can go, Snuffles sat by the lake, looking at the ripples that danced along its surface. Why did the dog suddenly look familiar?

    You stood right next to Snuffles, who was now looking up at you curiously.

    “I can’t stay for long,” you told the dog. “I have to sleep early, you know. I mean, you don’t, but — whatever.”

    You bent down to pick up a rock again, watching it skip three times. You cursed under your breath, “How’d he do it?”

    Snuffles, originally Sirius himself, snorted. You turned to the dog and shook your head, telling yourself it was your want of sleep playing tricks on you.

    “Fruitcake’s actually not that bad,” you started as you picked up another rock. Sirius looked up again. “I think I’ll give him a chance.”

    When you finally gave up on skipping rocks, you sat down right next to the dog. “He kinda left a ring of his, see?” You showed the dog Sirius’s ring. The dog blinked. “I’m not planning on keeping it, I’ll give it back to him on a good day.”

    A bird flew by, causing you to jump a bit. “Yep, I’m gonna need to sleep this out. Go to Hagrid’s will you? Actually, no, come with me.”

    You lead the dog to Hagrid’s hut and told it to stay there. Sirius thought it was funny seeing you boss him around in a gentler manner.

    With a wave, you ran back to the doors and dashed up the stairs until you reached the dormitories, where you hastily got in your bed and tucked yourself in.

    When breakfast came and you casually sat down right across from Sirius and beside James, a thought came to Sirius’s head again: He wanted you to know him as Sirius Black, no disguises involved. Sure, maybe he’d learn more of you if he continued doing it but . . . he wanted you to learn more of himself, too.

    As for telling you his secret identity (not Batman), he decided that it’d be best to let his future self deal with it and just enjoy breakfast with you, which is hopefully just the first of many.

    One last thing, though: Snuffles grew on Sirius. Safe to say that he got attached; so much that even when time told new people new fates, he found a way to let the name stay by using it as a safe codename as an attempt to become a lovable stray in the time of danger.

    But that doesn’t matter just yet, not when the group was busy having one of the most brilliant Mondays to date.

Taglist: @gingerale2017 @sfdlm @maybanksslut @hey-there-angels @elevatorsdoor @mrzweasley @gwlvr @1-800-itsfreerealestate @marrymetheonott @booksarealwaysbettersworlds-blog @sexysirius @turn-to-page-394-please @greenlyblue @henqtic @badass-yn @meiitanoia @gaycatlord-stuff @just2bubbly @awakendevildays @dracomalfoyposts @crazy-beautiful @adoreyou976 @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

favourite male fictional characters

Thank you @vishcount​ for tagging me, this was a lot of fun! 💞 I originally planned to follow your example and put ten characters here but suddenly it became a lot more oops. also i hope you forgive me for following your format, it’s neat 

I am tagging @isabellaofparma​ , @the-cloud-whisperer​ and @sassyassassy​!

I chose the characters that impacted me deeply on a personal level throughout my life (often shown by how long my love lasts over the years and if i was inspired to write for them). 

In no specific order under the cut: 

Legolas

The Lord of The Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien. 

I think it’s only fitting I start off with this magnificent guy. Maybe I gotta admit, i’ve just had a crush on him ever since I was like, nine years old? He’s the character I will fight tooth and claw for (though I guess he doesn’t need me to do that). I love Orlando Bloom’s portrayal of him, eventhough he is vastly different from the books. Book Legolas is such a delight as well, he feels so whimsical and playful and his banter with Gimli is just gold. I was sad when The Hobbit trilogy came out and I was so disappointed by how they butchered his character, it just did not feel authentic anymore (maybe I am also just bitter about the forced hetero storyline for him. makes no cents, this elf is GayTM your honour. and he will meet his soulmate Gimli in a few decades).  Either way, Legolas is the love of my life, thanks for coming to my tedtalk,

Peter Pan 

Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie

Another childhood crush of mine. The gif I chose if from the 2005 movie because we always used to watch it and it is to this day one of my favourite movies. It’s so dreamy, so magical, yet also incredibly sad and sweet.  I have this very strange fascination with Peter Pan. There is something incredibly unsettling about him, especially in the book. He represents something every child wants - who doesn’t want to escape their bedroom and fly away to experience magical adventured far from the adult world? And yet he also represents the impossibility of it, the curse he carries around with himself because he will forever stay alone, no matter how many lost boys he gathers around himself. And Wendy - it’s a love that was never meant to grow and mature, it’s a fleeting dream for the both of them.  I have seen many different adaptations of Peter Pan and I have my favourites, though I want to give a special mention to the book Peter Darling by Austin Chant. It’s a retelling of the story how we know it, in which Peter returns to Neverland after having finally grown up BUT the main points I want to highlight is trans Peter? Heck yes. Gripping and compelling gay love story with our favourite original lost boy Captain Hook? YES. 

Snufkin

Moomins, Tove Jansson.

I have discovered Snufkin for myself only last year, and yet I know he will stay with me forever. In short - I vibe with him, he vibes with me. His anxieties about being with people and longing for solitude? His fear of being loved and being important to someone to a point he doesn’t know what to do with himself? This man just wants to roam freely with his own mind and yet he always returns for something that captures him. Mum, I love him because I have rarely felt this seen before. Also, Snufkin said ACAB. 

Prince Jing - Xiao Jingyan

Nirvana in Fire (2015)

This too is a darling I have only discovered recently. I watched Nirvana in Fire this year and let me tell you, it’s the best show I have seen in a long while. It’s absolutely amazing and it also ripped my heart out. All the characters are absolutely amazing and I am still not over it.

To be honest, I contemplated between Xiao JIngyan and Mei Changsu, because character-wise I think the latter is a lot more interesting and compelling. He makes for a fantastic heartbreaking and flawed protagonist.

However I have to admit - it was love at first sight with Prince Jing for me and I’m still lowkey mad abt it rip. Seems like I am not immune to Pretty Prince Propaganda. But apart from that, I adore him for his genuine

goodness,

his almost naive drive to be better and seek justice. He lost everything, and for the longest time did not have anything to fight for. So alone and lost and bitter, it makes me sad how much it hardened him. He is heartbreak and clumsy kindness hidden under a skin of scars that was inflicted by his father and many others. I see his sad cat-eyes and I cry, that’s just how it is.

Edmund Pevensie

The Chronicles of Narnia, C. S. Lewis

I grew up with these books and movies - they have always been part of my life and it will probably always stay that way (only last night I rewatched the first movie and sobbed).  Imagine my surprised when I finally watched the last movie about five years ago and was incredibly impressed by how they adapted the book; also imagine my brain suddenly going CASMUND in bold letters at Skandar Keynes’ and Ben Barnes’  performance in that movie.  From there, I rediscovered this story completely anew for myself. My favourite Pevensie sibling has always been Lucy (and still is, because I identify with her so much and she feels like home to me); however this new discovery of Edmund’s character was overwhelming. It’s interesting to see characters you’ve grown up with from a more grown up point of view. I don’t want to lay out all my thoughts here, just know I am so heartbroken for him, and so so proud as well. His character arc is amazing and maybe that’s how the last movie makes me even more emotional. Seeing Edmund and Lucy still holding on to Narnia but knowing that that door was closing for them? Not to mention what happens in the later books (we don’t talk about that).  Also did I mention Casmund. Here, have my incredibly emo and depressing take on Edmund’s character that I started writing four years ago and which will forever stay a WIP. 

Nie Huaisang

The Untamed (2019)

My son. My soul. My bane of existence. The tragic thing about him is, that he does not really exist in canon as I have created him for myself. He’s a secondary character in the show, always so relatable yet still brings the ultimate twist of the story, yet he still remains this incomplete shadow. The movie

Fatal Journey

gave him a lot more and I cried tears of joy and devastation. I don’t know why I latched on to him so much, but apparently he is the one that I project on, the one that feels like he sits somewhere inside my chest. I don’t know what else to say - this year he has been everything to me. I spend a lot of time in his head while writing, and maybe that’s how he’s there forever now. Nie Huaisang saw my brain and went it’s free real estate. All my love for you, you dramatic art hoe.

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Ah, another lifelong companion. There are many adapations that I adore - starting from the origin of it all, the books and stories which I have all devoured; the 80s adaptation with Jeremy Brett which was incredibly wonderful; to BBC Sherlock which shaped and traumatised me (I still like the first three seaons but I am too hurt to think about it); to the numerous movies -  but by far my most favourite performance is Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes. Somehow he manages to capture the Holmes I see in my head when I read the books, the sharp yet polite eccentric detective, who loves his companion so much and who has desire to help others.  Sherlock Holmes will always stay special to me, in so many different ways. He shaped my youth and I know he will stay with me. (also what would you say when I told you he helped me discover that I can, in fact, be queer AND ace at the same time? thanks pal).  What else is there to say? Sherlock Holmes is a universe that you can dive into and find many amazing treasures. 

Isak Valtersen 

SKAM (2015)

There he is, the boy that changed my life. SKAM changed my life. All of the characters did. However, Isak is special for many, as I imagine. I remember winter 2016, when tumblr was flooded by these norwegian white boys kissing in a pool and cuddling and I was like ‘nah’, this doesn’t look convincing.  I don’t know what changed my mind but I remember sitting down at last and watching all that was released of season three and it was only downhill from there. I remember starting to follow the real life updates religiously while watching the other previous seasons in between. The one clip that completely wrecked me was when Isak went to the school nurse about his struggles with sleep - it felt like for the first time I saw someone on screen that could understand me on so many different levels. The entierty of seaons three is so personal, I would tell you to go watch it if you don’t know what I mean. The entire show in fact. It’s a masterpiece and it feels so real. This show impacted my life in a way that no show has managed to do before. I miss it so much. I miss Isak too sigh. 

Shang Xirui

Winter Begonia (2020)

Technically, for me personally, Shang Xirui is the nonbinary, gay and ace representation I need in my life (or at least that’s my own personal take on him), but since that is not official, he’s still here on this list. Of course he is because wow, it’s been a long while since I’ve seen such a compelling character on screen. I went from disliking him to being absolutely heartbroken over him. I don’t think any other character in this show captured me as much as he did. There are so many layers to him and discovering all of his sides is a wonderful, heartbreaking, painful and also beautiful journey. I’m not sure I understand all of him yet, but I am willing to try and dig and just ponder his existence. This too, is a perfect example for a flawed yet authentic protagonist. Also he is the most beautiful thing on this planet, or at least that’s how I have been feeling ever since I watched this. I wish to write more of him in the future. 

Aang

Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005)

I grew up watching ATLA and my favourite characters have always been Toph, Zuko and Uncle Iroh. In recent years however, I completely fell in love with Aang all anew. 

I think especially in the past, I had these prejudices against main characters and found them all the most boring personalities ever. In recent years this changed a lot and especially Aang is a prime example for that. Watching him from the perspective of older me, I find so much wisdom in this young boy. Somehow he represents all I wish to be in my life but at the same time he shows his flaws, he carries this sadness with him that will accompany him all his life. This inner battle and chaos that he has to face day to day and in the end - he is just a young boy. So much has been taken from him and yet he learns how to not let it overtake him, that anger and hurt. He tries his hardest to be better than the day before, even if sometimes the world crashes down on him and he gets overwhelmed. He is a child recruited by adults to manage their mistakes and play into the hands of predestined fate and in this essay I will -

Harry Potter 

Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling

I am surprised myself. I thought I would put Fred and George here, or Remus and Sirius, however I realised that none of them quite capture this feeling of lifelong change, of personal, deep impact that Harry had on me. 

As with Aang above, I used to think Harry was the most boring protagonist, yet my opinion took a 180° turn in the past years. Many of the things I wrote for Aang apply to him too - the fact that he was a child, that lost so much, and was always faced with challenges that a child should never have needed to face. Something I want to address is how my favourite book, The Order of the Phoenix, lays all of this out. Harry is just as flawed, just as vulnerable and angry as anyone else. I know some people did not like his ‘emo behaviour’ in the fifth book but for me it just showed how human he is, how he was just a teen like myself at that time. As for many, this boy shaped my entire life, shaped a generation, and I will forever be grateful. I’m sad and angry at how J*R behaves, and how she puts us in the position of doubting our love for these stories. I know I will always love them, but I will not turn a blind eye on all the problematic shit is carries with itself and what the author piles upon us. 

Lan Wangji & Wei Wuxian 

The Untamed (2019)

I will try and keep this short, because if you want to read my thoughts about Wangxian just go to my ao3 and find the  over 70k i wrote for them.  I decided to put them here together because I can’t seperate them and I can’t choose between them. Each of them carries something I recognise in myself, and each of them is the opposite of me. They each own my heart and soul and I know there will never be a fictional couple like this for me ever again. They’ve snuck their way into my heart and have never left. They deserve to be here, together, because my love for them is indescribable. Bless them.  + Bonus:

The Doctor

Doctor Who (1963/2005)

Technically, the Doctor doesn’t count as a “male” character, but since he has been presenting as male up until recently, I needed to include him. I chose the Tenth Doctor because he is the one that broke my heart the most. I adored Nine but he was there too short, and I do love Eleven and Twelve a lot, and Thirteen absolutely owns my heart, Ten has just always been the one that made me cry the most. I loved this era of Doctor Who, I loved how sad and hopeful he was, how heartbroken and yet determined to help wherever it was needed. Doctor Who is always that show, when I return to it, I am reminded that maybe, humanity and the universe isn’t all that bad. 

phew, this took ages damn. but i had so much fun! i decided to leave out honorable mentiones because we would be sitting here until tomorrow lol. 

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

MARCH PICKS!!!

Life has gotten VERY crazy over the past couple of weeks (it feels more like months-time is irrelevant now). To escape watching the news again and again I have turned to TV and movies now more than ever. While some of these I watched at the start of the month, when life felt more normal, more have been added since “social distancing” and quarantine. But these are my top choices for the month overall. Some will seem familiar from my top Quarantine picks (check out that article if you’d like here) and that’s because many have been my recent watches. 

Spoilers ahead!

LOCKE AND KEY

I cannot stop talking about this show. It is no way similar to this, but I feel like I have not loved a Netflix show like this since Derry Girls last year. This is the show I keep asking people if they have watched it and telling them to if they haven’t. So you should watch this show :)

Locke and Key follows the Locke family as they travel to their father’s ancestral estate after his tragic death. It is their mother’s idea and the three Locke siblings don’t want to leave their home in Seattle and find it tough accumulating to their new home and school. The youngest son, Body, is the first to hear these magical keys that lead to the larger mystery of this story. When I finished watching I had to quickly jot down my notes on the show. I am so happy that I looked at Netflix’s Top 10 list to decide what to watch next. I got hooked easily and while certain characters had annoying moments, in the end I really liked them and cannot wait to see how the story progresses in season 2. SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS...... I knew Ellie was going to be “Dodge” in the last episode when she got thrown through the door. It was just too easy. There was still like 20 minutes of the show left and then when she yelled out Tyler. It just felt right, but I was not expecting Gabe to be the 3rd personality! This echo really knows how to manipulate people. And now Eden too! 

The idea of having magical keys and the different powers for each was really creative and something I would have never thought about. Lots of people have compared it to Stranger Things, Narnia and Stephen King novels, and while those are somewhat accurate there is so much more to it. Must check it out for yourself!  

ONWARD

Before movie theaters closed (here in New York) I was lucky to see Onward in theaters. Even though I’ve already seen it, I am still very excited that it will be released to Disney Plus in a couple of weeks (days?) and is already available to buy digitally. 

Disney/Pixar had me guessing what this would be about for a while (like they usually do with their teaser trailers). But the more this was advertised, the more I got intrigued. It was a very cute film about the importance of family. Not just father and son, but also the bond of brothers. It took a slight turn I didn’t think we’d be taking, but am happy to see represented on the screen. I love all the moments the Dad did walking around (only a bottom half). It was pretty funny, especially when he had his top half on. I liked how they used a leash to keep track of him and how they communicated with him by tapping his feet. I think my favorite was the dancing though.  Super realistic with the whole driving thing and getting on the freeway. (When Barley says something about never being ready it felt very accurate.) I wish their dad could hear them though. I understand why he couldn’t, but still it would have been nice considering the ending. Loved the MOM POWER! She was fantastic. I loved her duo with the Manticore. I also liked how realistic it felt, well despite not having mystical creatures in our world. I liked how they focused on beings taking the easy way out and losing a piece of yourself and your history. I wish I could experience a quest like that.  

THE LODGE SEASON 2

The Lodge is a Disney Channel UK show that I was lucky to watch the first season of back in 2016 or 2017 (it’s so long ago I can’t remember). I kept trying to find the second season after it didn’t air on our Disney Channel, but had no luck. That is until Disney Plus. It wasn’t one of the first shows to air on the streaming service, but since coming out in November, the 2 season Coming of Age Musical Tween show is FINALLY available. I was thrilled! (If you can’t already tell.)

Naturally I started by re-watching the 10 episode first season. Each episode is about 25 minutes long, so it was a fast watch. I forgot how well I knew the story-lines and overall plot. For those unfamiliar with the show, the first season follows Skye Hart who is traveling back to the countryside with her dad, Ed to work (and own) the family’s hotel called the Lodge. Her grandad has been managing it for years and needs some help. Also after the recent passing of Skye’s mum it is nice for them to head back to somewhere that was so special to her. (This seems to be a common thread this month. Compared to Locke and Key this is a lot brighter.) Of course, the Lodge is experiencing some money problems so they have to solve that issue and fast because one guy in particular wants to buy it and create a luxurious spa resort (classic bad guy stuff). Skye winds up being the star of a reality TV show called My Amazing Life, which brings the publicity, but more drama than she intended. The show is filled with the classic teen drama: from love triangles to secrets and there’s also a mystery plot involving her mom and a mysterious man with the initials SJ. A bonus is the musical component. In true musical form the songs are often performed in the moment when a character is feeling sad or happy, but there are also concert performances on the show as well. Some of the songs are quite good and ones that I can’t get out of my head. 

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2

So, I definitely enjoyed the first season more than the second. Part of that was due to the plot. Obviously the Lodge was still not 100% solid, but I wanted to move past the money problems of the first season and explore some other stuff. (I don’t know what, but something else.) I also felt it was slower moving. While the episodes are about 25 minutes there isn’t much time to work with, but it often felt like we were still looking on a clue or hurtle for longer amounts of time then needed. I didn’t love the songs as much. Now as I am listening to some of them back I am liking more, but overall I thought season 1′s soundtrack was better. A lot of these songs sounded a like. I liked whenever Kaylee sang, but honestly thought she was singing the same song in a different version (now I know there’s about 3 different songs). Too much techno was used and lots of choreographed dancing that was at times strange. My biggest complaint was that Skye chose Sean over Ben, which was her biggest mistake. Throughout the season you could still see their chemistry in the looks they gave or moments that were said. (Her dad was the BIGGEST Team Ben fan.) But she only discovered it at the end when he was already with Danielle (wasn’t a fan of that ship either because of the way they rushed it). Even though there’s no season 3 (and it’s been years so it’s not coming) I will believe Skye and Ben are endgame. Because just look at them... 

Adorable. 

EMMA

Another one that the more I saw it advertised and read reviews, the more I wanted to watch it. I saw this in theaters after Onward, but just before major social distancing started. There were 5 of us total in the theater, which made it feel like out own personal home theater. Loved this movie a lot more than I thought I would. It paid homage to the novel really well as well as previous adaptations that came before it, yet still was recognizable as its own re-telling. For a full review check out my article: REVIEW EMMA (2020).

NANCY DREW

In the past few weeks (few episodes, actually) I have done a complete 360 with my opinion on the CW’s Nancy Drew. In this first season I was immediately intrigued to enter the mystery and explore a CW show without superheroes (which I honestly do love, but I like how the CW is expanding their shows again). In the fall I kept tuning in for new episodes, but as the season went on they would pile up on the DVR more. My main problem was the supernatural element. I didn’t understand why they had to have ghosts be real in this world. I wanted a classic mystery (I guess in the same vein as Scooby Doo, where the murderers were real people rather than a mystical entity). I started to get used to this element, but I didn’t love it. (This was the time when we had a lot of heavy supernatural material and possessions, etc.) My DVR didn’t tape episode 12, so I watched it through a YouTube review before watching the next one (you can see how much I cared then--now I would have opened the app and watched the episode for sure). The next episode was the Whisper Box, which was great, but it wasn’t until episode 14 that I truly fell in love with this show (and started to watch the episodes the day of). Part of it is definitely that I got used to the style of the show and also that parts of the mystery are starting to wrap up, but what I’m noticing is my main reason is Ace. His character continues to get more screen time and we continue to learn more about his life with every episode. I loved meeting his dad and seeing their relationship. His detective skills combined with Nancy are my favorite part about this show and I ship them so much now. He brings a humor to this show like saying he has enemies at the library. Nancy and Ace’s looks to each other as they read Lucy and Ryan’s emails while at the library. OMG the chemistry! If the writers don’t act on this relationship in later seasons, I don’t know what they are doing with themselves. It’s right there and yet Nancy has two other love interests right now. There’s been so many other things in the last few episodes and I am dying for this show to come back this upcoming week.  

I need more of these moments!!

PARTY OF FIVE

At the start of this month I had done a much better job watching this show and since then I haven’t been as good. I think I still have 5 or 6 episodes left, but I know it ended almost a month ago by now, so I will be able to catch up! I was familiar with the original Party of Five from the 90s and had wanted to watch that show for a while now, but due to the amount of seasons I hadn’t gotten around to it. So, once I heard this one was airing I was really excited to give it a chance. I like that it’s by the same creators as the first season and I can’t explain it, but I was really happy to see the iconic font with the title card. This show is so relevant for our current society. It addresses so many of the issues we face with the government today. Instead of having their parents die in a car crash like the original series, here they are deported which brings a whole other side to the story line. I like how we get to see the kids deal with them being away and the hope to live with them again while also seeing their current conversations. There’s so much drama and I am just hoping for some lightness at the end of this season because these characters deserve it! 

[the-desolated-quill]

Joker - Quill’s Quickies (No Spoilers)

Joker is proving to be an extremely divisive film. Some think it’s the best thing since The Dark Knight. Proof that comic book movies can be art too. Others think it’s pretentious Oscar bait with nothing interesting to say.

And that’s not to mention the controversy surrounding the film as people wonder whether this will incite violence in white men (which I’m not going to touch with a barge pole, at least not here. I’ll do a separate Scribble for that sheer nonsense at some point). Needless to say everyone and their mums have an opinion on Joker... so I guess one more, won’t hurt.

Whether you like Joker or not I think depends on your tolerance for a) films that deliberately set out to make you feel uncomfortable and b) films that ask you to feel pity for the devil. (and I want you to remember that word ‘pity.’ It’ll be important later on). Personally, I loved Joker. I think it’s one of the most unique and groundbreaking comic book films I’ve ever seen. If you don’t like it, that’s fine. I can actually understand why to a certain extent. However don’t try to spin this as some ideological thing because that’s just disingenuous and stupid.

Lets start with the obvious. Joaquin Phoenix. Give this guy a fucking Oscar, for the love of God! His performance was truly mesmerising, particularly when he does finally don the full clown makeup. He is the Joker. The mannerisms, the attitude, the nihilism, it all just works. There’s even a monologue near the end of the film that could have been lifted straight out of the comics. This is a film that not only depicts the Joker perfectly, but also completely understands the character too.

The rest of the cast is exceptional too. Robert de Niro plays a chat show host who Joker looks up to and he does a good job. Deadpool 2′s Zazie Beetz plays a small but pivotal role as Sophie, Joker’s next door neighbour and ‘love interest’ and she’s excellent too despite having quite a small amount of screen time. Frances Conroy plays Joker’s mum Penny. Again a relatively small role, but a crucial one and she gives a memorable performance. Finally there’s Brett Cullen as a very different interpretation of Bruce Wayne’s father Thomas Wayne, which I think works extremely well in the context of this film and creates exciting possibilities for this world’s version of Batman, which we’ll probably never get to see because this is intended as a one off. Not that I’m complaining. I wouldn’t want them to do a sequel. This works perfectly as a standalone piece.

As I said, the supporting cast actually play a minor role overall as the film follows Arthur Fleck exclusively. The man who would be Joker. It’s a bit hard to talk about why I think this film works without giving away spoilers, so I’ll focus on how it made me feel.

Joker is an extremely tense movie. Todd Phillips’ stellar direction puts you in the mindset of the character and Hildur Guonadottir’s incredible music really elevates the film’s more disturbing moments. In fact (and I suppose you could call this a trigger warning), I did actually suffer from an anxiety attack halfway through the film because you’re constantly on a knife edge. As Arthur’s life falls apart, we see him become more violent and erratic to the point where he becomes legitimately frightening. Fear is of course subjective. I’m sure most of you have more of a spine than I do. But if you do suffer from any kind of anxiety, I would recommend psyching yourself up before you watch this and maybe have a friend or relative on hand to comfort you if it starts to get a bit much.

Seriously, I’m not kidding. Joker is an extremely uncomfortable experience and it’s unrelenting in how grim and unsettling it is. It’s R rated, but it’s not necessarily gory. It’s not as violent as, say, Deadpool, but its more bloody moments often come rather suddenly and with a lot of tense buildup beforehand. While it does bear similarities to movies like Taxi Driver and The King Of Comedy, those films have the audience on the outside looking in. Joker on the other hand takes the audience and locks them inside the Clown Prince of Crime’s mind for two hours straight, and quelle surprise, it turns out the inside of Joker’s mind is fucking horrible. Viewer beware.

Okay, okay. I guess I can’t avoid it altogether. Do I think this film is dangerous? No. Do I think it insults those with mental health issues? No, in fact quite the opposite. I found the film to be quite sympathetic towards the mentally ill, presenting Arthur as being a dark outlier, not the norm. Do I think the film is making some sort of political statement. Again no. I honestly don’t think it’s saying anything about white people or toxic masculinity or gun violence or anything like that. In fact, if it is saying anything at all, it condemns those who seek to hijack a public figure for their own political agenda (which ironically is exactly what the press are doing with this very movie, but of course critics and journalists can’t see that because they have no self awareness what so bloody ever). The film is what it is. An extremely dark character study of arguably the most famous villain of all time.

Some have criticised the film as being too predictable, which I personally don’t think is a particularly valid critique. Like, yeah, of course it’s predictable. We all know what’s going to happen in the end. The fucking title kind of gives it away. It’s execution that counts, and Phillips and co have done a fantastic job in my opinion. As for those who complained that this film is cynical and nasty and made them feel numb afterwards... I mean... I honestly don’t know what you were expecting. Of course you’re feeling numb. That’s what the film wants you to feel. It’s cynical and nasty because the central character is cynical and nasty. That’s like criticising a comedy for being funny.

Honestly, if I had any complaints, it’s that I think they do paint the story with broad strokes, leaving very little room for subtlety. But having said that, this is based on a comic book about a billionaire who fights psychotic costumed criminals at night whist dressed as a bat. I don’t think subtlety has much of a place here.

Finally I just want to briefly touch on the concern that this film might make the character too sympathetic. First of all, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Some villains can actually become scarier when we as an audience can empathise with them and understand their motives (see Killmonger in Black Panther). Second, and most importantly, Arthur Fleck/Joker is not a sympathetic character. Yes I did feel pity for him at times, but that’s not the same thing as sympathy. Like I said, this film completely understands the Joker. There are occasions where you do feel sad for the character and wish he could have got the right help, but most of the time (and the film emphasises this throughout) he’s presented as being a deeply disturbed and maladjusted individual and at no point is his behaviour ever justified. Instead it’s presented as being almost inevitable. That in a city as terrible as Gotham, what else could Arthur have become? Joker is a tragic character, but he’s not in anyway likeable.

I would definitely recommend you go and see this movie, especially if, like me, you’ve gotten sick of the slew of formulaic comic book movies and convoluted shared universes. If Joker is indeed going to be the first of an anthology series focusing on telling low budget, character driven, standalone, experimental films, then it’s a very strong start. Whether you liked Joker or not, the fact of the matter is the success of this movie can only mean good things for Warner Bros, DC, the comic book movie genre and the industry going forward, so please go and see this film.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Fruits Basket 10 - 11 | Sarazanmai 10 - 11 (FINAL) | BSD 35 | Gakuen Babysitters OVA | Demon Slayer 11 | Shield Hero 23 - 24 | OPM 23 |

Fruits Basket 10

*sees Kagura* - Kyo! RUN! (Also, I had to google this…but “Je t’aime” means “I love you” in French.)

(TW: suicide discussion) Ohh…this is Mitchan…I didn’t recognise her, now that she’s coloured in. (I forgot that she had suicidal tendencies for the funnies…the 90s have some really nasty things in them when it comes to sensitive topics, like playing “being gay” as a joke and playing off suicide as a joke is one of the worst, I think.) Update: Accidentally mistook Mitchan for Mine, Ayame’s assistant.

Sarazanmai 10

So close to the end…I read a bunch of spoilers on what’s coming up though, so not much will be a surprise anymore…

Why do otters have hands…? (Or at least, this one does.)

Kanten…apparently it’s basically agar but with a different type of seaweed.

The chyron actually says Enta no Seishin Sekai, which translates to something like Enta’s Spiritual World. Y’know, like the world of the soul inside you or something like that.

I sort of assumed either Enta or Mabu would become a monster, based on people’s speculation, but the spoilers I read never stated anything about who became the monster/s in episode 10 (and/or 11). So this’ll be interesting.

I never thought Mabu would be going solo, although my sources did spoil me on the fact Reo would become a kappa.

Hey, I said to Irina earlier today that I knew there was tragic yaoi/shonen ai. Welp, there it is. Tragic shonen ai.

Oh…there’s a single shadow. It’s just Kazuki.

I was pleading for Enta to be saved by the dishes…and turns out I was right.

Update: Come to think of it, Reo and Mabu greatly resemble the Kunzite/Zoicite romance from Sailor Moon…right down to the “servants of the prince” thing.

BSD 35

Flashback Kyouka reminds me of Rachel Gardener (Angels of Death).

Pay attention to Mii-chan.

Fruits Basket 11

Ritsu!!!...Er, Ritsu’s mum first.

“I wonder if she knows about the zodiac…”

Gakuen Babysitters OVA

Oh…this is 27 minutes. That’s unusual.

I feel sorry for Saikawa already…

How the heck did Saikawa switch clothes so fast?!

Eh…? I didn’t expect Ryuichi to get the top grade…

Come to think of it, Saikawa is an enigma wrapped in a…blanket. Nah, I’m kidding, he’s an enigma wrapped in a mystery. (That’s how that saying goes, anyway.)

LOL, I think he sad the complex dish names just to confuse the kids…and maybe scare off Ryuichi.

Oh no, what is it now? What horrors shall we bear witness to? (sarcastic, but laughing a bit too)

Inomata…makes a really good Snow White.

Ya-who…? Who in heck is Yayoi???

Oh…if you watch to the very end, you’ll see a shot of the chairwoman as a kid! I didn’t think we’d ever get to see that.

Kimetsu no Yaiba 11

A tsuzumi seems to be a type of drum, if the kanji is anything to go by…at least, from my recognition of the kanji for “Tsuzumi”, I seem to recall that first kanji has something to do with drums. Update: Yes, it means “drum”. I recognised it because it’s the Chinese way to write “drum” – I don’t think I’ve seen it in 10 years or so, so...I’m glad I still remember it…(?)

As much as I don’t like seeing slapping a creep as humour…I feel sorry for Zenitsu…

It turns out…this show’s deliberate humour…sucks…

Hey! No suicide jokes, Zenitsu!

The sparrow talking with the crow is far too cute for me. Please protect these precious avian buddies…they warm my heart too much.

“Would you like to eat it?” So onigiri exist in this era?

Since I’m not listening to the sound (I’m in a position where I can’t listen to it, because others are in the vicinity), I don’t quite get what Zenitsu’s on about…but it makes me wonder if Zenitsu has good hearing much like Tanjiro has a good sense of smell. It makes sense since there were 5 of the Final Selection guys…although we don’t know who the 5th is.

*sees eyecatch* - Yeah, as much as Zenitsu complains…I feel sorry for him.

How did Zenitsu survive Final Selection??? The more he panics, the more I wonder that.

There’s a 3D model for Zenitsu too…I should’ve known…

Ooh, pep talk from a kid younger than him (Zenitsu)! Burn!

Okay, Zenitsu, yell it with me – BOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (aka Inosuke)

Hey! Don’t just go announcing your name and rank, plus the fact you’re a demon slayer!...By the way, how do you know your rank…?

Aw, just seeing the sparrow in the bottom right corner warms my heart.

“…in front of girls…”

Shield Hero 23

“I forgot that my shield translates for me.” – Only now do I realise how dumb that sounds…

“…small islands bunched together.” – Uh, that’s what archipelago means…?

Where are L’Arc and Therese, anyway…?

The quality of CR videos has been bad lately due to the weather I’ve been getting, so…I was waiting for the video to buffer and I guessed Raphtalia was going to get drunk. She did…*sigh*

Since when does eating wine berries count as “drinking”…?

LOL, those weird birds are called “Karma Penguins”.

I thought Filo’s clothes would tear when she transformed, so making clothes was futile…? Maybe she has more control over her transformation now, so it’s less futile?

Wuh? Gahaha! A penguin suit, with a Santa hat too!

OPM 23 (S2 Ep 10)

King’s shirt says “I <3 Otaku” and I like how Saitama chose a bald character, while King chose a character that looks nicer than Saitama’s but packs a punch. It’s translating the real world into the game world for them.

By the way, Saitama’s shirt is for the Tokimeki Sisters series from earlier in the season.

It seems Metal Bat‘s real name seems to be just that.

Did Tareo keep the Almanac…in his pants???

Sarazanmai 11 (FINAL)

When Keppi says “s***”, I guess he kind of…means it. (small LOL)

Gotta love Keppi’s “dadadadadadaaaaaaaaaaarkness…”. It must’ve been fun for whoever typed it into their program to do so.

When watching in slow-mo, you can see Kazuki’s kappa dish jump off his head for a second.

Wait, so…the episode titles are all taken from their shared future…?! Oh my glob!!!

Kazuki, Enta and Toi’s pro game – brought to you by Asakusa Film, Sozoyu and KAPPA…LOL.

I never knew Sara’s princess outfit could be so…lewd.

Kapamilk, LOL.

Why is this ending only Toi…?

Hmm…is Toi 18 in this end scene???

“Quecrotte” doesn’t seem to mean anything…

How did Enta’s glasses not come off his face???

Aww…please protect this old Toi. He kind of looks like Chikai, but he also doesn’t.

There seems to be a Nakata Building in Asakusa.

I think that’s all folks. See you next time!

Shield Hero 24

Instead of romantic penguin suits, couldn’t someone have invented deep-sea magic for swimming in bikinis or trunks with…?

“Of course, even the ships were arranged for by the queen.” – Now that’s ballin’ on a budget in another world!

Oh, so cohol fruits are the names of the wine berries…

This is just a scene where the camera shakes…it looks nice, but it has a terrible sense of “action”…

Not this Skybound move again…

Not dis “they’re not the real Cardinal Heroes” shitto agen…

I already knew from CR advertising L’Arc and Therese would become Naofumi’s enemies, I just didn’t know when.

Uh, L’Arc? She’s a raccoon girl. A tanuki??? She should be good with illusions…according to stereotype, anyway.

AOE seems to mean “area of effect”.

Is Glass a hero from another world as well, maybe???

[overthinkingkdrama]

Exit Rant: Mr. Sunshine

[This is intended to be a spoiler free review of Mr. Sunshine but it may include a few minor spoilers throughout. It’s also long as all hell. Enjoy.]

Wow, here I am with my Mr. Sunshine review and it's only...*looks at wrist despite not wearing a watch* nearly three months after the final episode aired. Totally in keeping with this blog's commitment to publishing consistent and relevant content *manic laughter*.

The truth is, even if it hadn't been bad timing schedule-wise, Mr. Sunshine was going to be a difficult drama for me to review. This drama has so much to recommend it in terms of beautiful production, epic scope, unique period setting and blockbuster cast. There is something conceptually mesmerizing about Mr. Sunshine that engaged my basest fangirl and aesthetic sensibilities, but the actual experience of watching the episodes does not live up all the premise promises. What Mr. Sunshine delivers as a drama is, paradoxically, less than the sum of it's parts.

Let's focus on the positive first.

The cast in this drama is god-tier. You're rarely going to find an ensemble cast like this outside of Chungmuro. Your first, second and third leads all can and have headlined films and dramas of their own, and a lot of the stars here (like Kim Tae Ri of The Handmaiden fame) have critically acclaimed film pedigrees.

There's a lot to say about the actors and the performances, and there's no way I'm going to get to all of it. The extended cast is large and exceptionally great, and I'm not going to be able to remember and talk about everyone by name, so I'm going to have to limit myself to the main cast.

It's really the cast that moves heaven and earth to make this script work. To the degree that sometimes it felt that each actor lived in their character and lent flesh and texture where the writing let us down. Kim Tae Ri, played Ae Shin with so much fierceness and unshakable dignity that I couldn't stop cheering for her, even when the plot sidelined her character for what felt like episodes at a time.

For many people, the rousing showstopper performance of the drama was Yoo Yeon Seok as Gu Dong Mae. Early in the life cycle of the drama I recall hearing that Kim Eun Sook got herself embroiled in some controversy because people felt that the Japanese-sympathizer Dong Mae was far too likable considering his political ideology. Some hasty shuffling was done and rather than being characterized as a bald-faced fascist, Dong Mae became more of a freewheeling mercenary gangster-type. This was a positive change in my opinion. I don't want to retread what has already been said (a lot of it by me) about Dong Mae, but YYS has never been and may never be as interesting or as sexy as he was in Mr. Sunshine, in my opinion. He plays the morally grey character with edge and blazing charisma and, if nothing else does, makes the drama worth checking out.

Information broker and enigmatic owner of the Glory Hotel, Kudo Hina, as portrayed by Kim Min Jung and (my personal favorite) and the soulful Hui Seong, born into a blood-soaked privilege he can't escape, played by Byun Yo Han, wonderfully round out the cast and are, if anything, tragic underutilized by the plot. The only person here who perhaps underwhelms is Lee Byung Hun as the titular main character. I don't have strong feelings about him as an actor or as a person one way or the other. I've enjoyed some movies he's been a part of. I do feel that visually he looks too old for baby-faced Kim Tae Ri, but I'm almost used to that kind of thing in Dramaland. His performance is perhaps meant to be restrained--nigh on repressed--but it comes off as a bit bland and wooden. Which isn’t to say he’s bad, and I feel Eugene had a lot of potential to be a very interesting character just...decidedly less interesting than everyone else.

A lot of praise has been heaped on the way this drama looks, and I will agree, it’s a very pretty show. Personally, I disliked how heavily color graded certain scenes, especially outdoor scenes were. I found it a bit distracting and it took away from how otherwise gorgeous some of the scenery in this is when the sky is tan or everything in a scene is tinted blue for some reason. But the production deserves a lot of credit for creating a full and lived in feeling world, for the beauty of the sets and the costumes, the sheer attention to detail, and the way they used all four seasons to set the tone and give you a sense of the passage of time.

And let me just state that during Mr. Sunshine’s run I was decidedly obsessed with it. I posted about it, I talked about it to my friends, I talked several of those friends into watching it with me...and a few of those people still speak to me to this day. When I start criticizing it here in a few seconds, know that doesn’t mean I didn’t get a lot of hours of enjoyment out of this drama or that I think I’m too good for this show. I’ve seen 4 of Kim Eun Sook’s dramas so far and this is easily the best one. It’s not just better than Goblin, DOTS and Heirs, it’s miles better. Is that everything? I think that about covers it.

Now for the bad stuff...

I’ve said this in the past in relation to Goblin, but it bears repeating: Kim Eun Sook is good--possibly even great--at creating singular, iconic story moments and absolute rubbish at developing a cohesive plot that builds tension over multiple episodes and pays off in a logical way. At the time I said it I was basing it off of relatively little experience with her writing, but I’ve seen the pattern repeat itself two more times since then and I’m increasingly convinced that I’m a genius.

I do believe there are extenuating factors that account for the poor pacing of her dramas. The number of episodes and the episode length might not be within Kim Eun Sook’s control and she’s not responsible for poor editing either. Both Goblin and Mr. Sunshine suffer a lot because of bloated run time, and maybe that’s the network’s fault but it leaves plot feeling thin in places, even like it’s futilely spinning it’s wheels waiting for the next important event to come along.

With Mr. Sunshine the issue wasn’t even that there wasn’t enough interesting plot or character backstories to fill 24, hour plus episodes, possibly even more, it was that at times it felt like the drama flatly refused to delve into the interesting details, preferring to leave us miserably treading water in the doldrums of the story. It felt like we had to beg and wait for even morsels of backstory about certain characters--the drama was especially mum regarding Kuda Hina’s history--while the two leads endlessly mooned over one another. How many scenes did we need to watch Eugene and Ae Shin soulfully stare at one another?

Mr. Sunshine never successfully builds momentum until the last 2 or 3 episodes of the run. And while there is a lot of lip service paid to guns and glory and sad endings, but much of the drama feels like it's milling around with hands in pockets waiting for the tragic curtain call. Even the badass sniper heroine is frequently sidelined. It feels like the story remains stubbornly in the set up phase, one step forward and two steps back. It's as though Kim Eun Sook has all of these wonderful toys--great characters, huge budget, interesting time period/setting--and she simply doesn't know what to do with them.

Consistently my frustration with Mr. Sunshine was its inability to effectively incorporate the extended cast into the plot. It feels like all characters exist in separate bubbles waiting for their turn to have a scene. Those scenes are interesting but maddeningly brief, and then they are shuffled backstage once again until it's once again time for their requisite 5-10 minutes of screen time per episode. 

This problem is especially present in the main cast with Dong Mae, Hina and Hui Seong. And that is what is so deeply exasperating about this drama, because there is just enough good peppered in to keep me invested, so many great elements poorly employed. It makes one want to take KES's script away from her and take it home and fix it yourself, because you just know she's not treating it right.

When calamity comes, and it does, it feels disproportionate and somewhat unsatisfying, because the build up didn’t do it justice. The drama ends with a rousing crescendo, but it feels that the individual character arcs were never allowed to reach their full potential. I’m not one to shy away from tragedy, but it left me feeling rather empty.

I wish I could a finer point on it than that, but it’s a murky issue to me. I know I’m not connecting with the story as much as I want to, but it’s hard to put my finger on the exact reason and that just adds to my frustration with it.

I stand by my assertion that this is still the best KES drama I have watched. Thought admittedly I’ve still only seen 4 of them, this one shows the most promise and, I think, the most growth. But it’s not there yet. I don’t know if I could ever watch it again, but I’m glad I watched it once. If for nothing else for the fantastic performances of several old and new favorites. I give Mr. Sunshine an 8.5/10, which is probably too high considering everything I’ve said about it up to this point. However, it’s just too strong in terms of overall production and cast for me to feel good about rating it any lower.

[imagining-supernatural]

12x17: The British Invasion

Aubrey’s Challenge: Write a fic about each episode in season 12.

Word Count: 1958

Version en Español -- PREVIOUS EPISODE

Waking up in the backseat of the Impala was almost as normal to you as waking up in a hotel bed in Nowhere, Nebraska. But waking up to the voice of one of your newest friends wasn’t usual. All of your post-nap grumpiness vanished and you popped up, looking over the set at the screen where Eileen was talking to the boys on Skype.

“Eileen!” You immediately started signing to her to keep the boys out of the conversation. ‘I’ve missed you! These guys get annoying real quick.’

She laughed, making Dean give you a dirty look. He hated being left out of the conversation, but you loved annoying him. It wasn’t exactly ideal. Whatever.

‘It must be so annoying to have Dean hanging off your every word like a love sick puppy.’ She added a wink and you grinned even as a blush covered your cheeks.

‘It’s just the worst’ you signed, making sure to infuse as much sarcasm into the movements as possible. Sam could pick up a few signs here and there, and he shot you a confused look. You wondered what he thought he read, but quickly dismissed the thought and leaned forward to press a kiss to Dean’s cheek. ‘But somehow I manage. But I was mostly talking about how annoying it is to hear Sam talk about you all day long. Eileen this and Eileen that. You really just should come on the road with us. Save me the trouble of assuring him that you’re fine.’

This time it was Eileen who was blushing. You saw her eyes dart over to where you assumed Sam was on her screen and your grin grew bigger.

“What are you two talking about?” Sam asked with narrow eyes. He’d probably managed to pick up that the conversation had moved over to him.

“Nothing,” both of you said at the same time, trying to play innocent. Both Winchesters looked between Eileen on the screen and you in the backseat, but neither of you broke. Girl code and all that.

“Anyway, continue your conversation from before I cut in. Sam and Dean can fill me in later.”

You sat back in your seat and tried to piece together what you missed from the rest of the conversation. Apparently Kelly was with Daegon. Lovely. It was on your bucket list to kill a Prince of Hell.

“Bye Sam,” Eileen waved with a smile and you had to bite your lip to stop your teasing comment. Then Sam bid her farewell, looking a tiny bit flustered and you knew that you couldn’t hold it in much longer.

Luckily Dean beat you to the punch and opened that door wide open for you. “Well, that’s cute.”

“C’mon,” Sam muttered, pointedly looking out the window.

You slid forward on the seat and over until you were behind Dean. With your hands on his shoulders, you leaned forward and rested your head next to his. “Baby, aren’t they just so cute together? I think we should all go on a double date sometime.”

“Y/N, seriously?” Sam glanced over at you and, much to your enjoyment, you saw a stain of blush on his cheeks.

“Fine. I’ll stop for now.” Sliding across the old leather, you positioned yourself behind the youngest Winchester. “I’m only pushing because I love you and I love her and you two are just so adorable.”

“I don’t need a matchmaker,” Sam grumbled, sliding down in his seat and looking out the window again.

“What you need is a haircut,” Dean interjected, making Sam groan and look even more pointedly out the window, like a rebellious teenager.

“Eileen likes his hair,” you sang, enjoying the blush that you saw creeping from his cheeks to his neck. “Anyway. Fill me in. What did she have to say about Kelly?”

*****

You woke up before Dean, which wasn’t surprising given how much he drank last night. But you’d also woken up before Sam, which was surprising. Usually he was up before everyone, eating his rabbit food, as Dean liked to call it, and going for a run or exercising somehow.

With the whole bunker to yourself, you found yourself at the shooting range. Sure, you had a horrible hangover, and sure the noise was sure to make it worse, but you were a hunter and you needed to be sharp no matter how you were feeling.

After fifteen minutes, you were so in the zone that you’d completely forgotten about your hangover. Man, guns were sure one hell of a hangover cure. You’d have to remember that for next time.

“I wondered who was making so much noise down here,” a British voice sounded from behind you and you whirled around, aiming the loaded gun at the noise. Mick put his hands up and raised his eyebrows.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, lowering the barrel. “I forgot you were here.”

“Mind if I…” he motioned towards your cache of weapons and you waved him forwards. Watching him with a calculating eye, you analyzed his every movement. What was it about these Brits that made them so confident that they were better than you Americans? He loosed five bullet in quick succession. All five were clustered right near the heart of the dummy.

That’s when you understood. “You’re so textbook.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your posture, your grouping, your gun choice. It’s all textbook. But, honey, books don’t help you when you’re in the field.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What if you needed that vic alive?”

“Alive? We kill monsters, Y/N.”

“Textbook.” The difference between your two cultures was staggering. “We don’t just kill monsters. We save people. And what if that monster that you just killed was the only thing that knew where it was hiding the human victims that you were looking for? I mean, you do want to save them, don’t you?”

Mick looked affronted. “Of course I do!”

“But it’s not your first thought. Like with that werewolf girl. You saw the werewolf. We saw the girl.”

“I saw the people that the werewolf would have killed before we got to her! I saved those people!”

“And I saw a teenage girl that I could have saved if you gave me the chance. I saw a scared little girl who had the free will choose a better life. A girl who could learn to live with her new condition. A girl who could choose. But you took that away from her. You took a child away from her mother. You didn’t just kill a werewolf that day, Mick. You killed a girl with a future and you killed her mother. She might still be breathing, but she’s not living anymore. Not without her kids.”

You tossed your gun on the counter and strode out of the room, hoping that one of the boys would be awake. After your heavy conversation with Mick, you needed something lighter.

And, luckily for you, both of them were in the kitchen.

“—but he’s got, like, the Can-Drink gold medal,” Dean’s voice was lower than usual, making you smile. He was so hungover.

“Morning, you two,” you sang-song softly when you walked in and took a seat next to Dean. You rubbed your hands along his stubble as you pulled him in for a good morning kiss. He leaned into the kiss and a low, slightly possessive growl rumbled from his throat. As your lips curved into a smile against his, the familiar reservoir of pastel emotions bubbled over in your heart. God, how you loved this man.

“Best hangover cure ever,” Dean stated.

You slid your eyes towards Sam. “You know, if you helped me convince Eileen to stick around, you could have one of these hangover cure kisses too.”

“Drop it,” Sam mumbled. “Anyway. Dean, have you talked to mom lately?”

“Ah, you shouldn’t worry about your mum,” Mick announced his presence by interrupting the conversation. How very British Men Of Letters of him. “Her and Ketch make quite the team.”

Since you weren’t quite ready to face Ketch yet, you grabbed Dean’s cup and took a drink of his coffee. Mick told the three of you some of his tragic backstory, but you weren’t moved. A crappy life in no way made up for the way he was living his life now.

*****

The blond Brit fell to the ground and you didn’t dare breathe.

“I didn’t—I didn’t mean to,” Eileen said, a tremor in her voice. “I was shooting at the demon.”

Sam grabbed at Eileen’s shoulder to reassure her. “It was an accident.”

Then Mick stood up and reluctantly pulled out his gun, aiming at your friend.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!” Dean moved in front of Eileen, blocking Mick’s shot. “What are you doing?”

“She killed a Man of Letters. S-Sh-She has to die!”

“It was an accident!” Sam argued.

“It doesn’t matter! The Code—“

“No, hey, screw the code.” Dean didn’t take his eyes off of Mick. None of you could.

Mick looked from Eileen to Dean. “Don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“Mick, you don’t have to do this.” A new resolution found its way to Dean’s voice as he aimed his gun at Mick. He would shoot. You knew it.

“Textbook, Mick,” you whispered, scared out of your mind for Eileen. “Just because it’s your first thought, doesn’t mean you have to act on it.” His eyes slid to you and you took a hesitant step forward. You were getting to him, but he wasn’t quite there yet. So you had to keep pushing. “It’s still your choice. Are you going to shoot to kill, shoot to wound, or… or not shoot at all?”

No one moved. No one dared to breathe. Mick’s options hung in the air between all of you, and now you waited.

As soon as his hand faltered and he started lowering his gun, you let out a long sigh of relief.

“Just go.”

And no one bothered to argue. Cautiously, the four of you got in the Impala and drove off. For the first few miles, it was silence in the car. Then Dean looked at you in the rearview mirror.

“What was that about back there? With Mick?”

“That morning with the hangovers, Mick found me in the shooting range. I kinda laid into him about the werewolf girl.” Since it was dark, you found yourself signing Pidgin ASL so that Eileen wouldn’t miss out on anything in the dark. “At least I know he was listening.”

*****

“Hey,” Sam said softly, touching Eileen on the shoulder so she would turn to him. “It was a mistake.”

You and Dean watched as Eileen stepped into his arms and hugged him tightly. It had been an emotional day, and you weren’t even tempted to use that hug as future ammo in your fight to get Sam and Eileen together. Some things should be left alone.

Dean tapped on your arm and jerked his head toward the bedrooms. You nodded, but not before signing good night to Eileen. She just smiled and nodded at you. Then you followed Dean out, burrowing under his arm for the physical contact that you craved after a night like tonight.

“Those British Men of Letters are sure messed up,” Dean muttered into the silent bunker. “And that’s coming from me.”

“We’re all screwed up in our own ways,” you agreed, closing the bedroom door behind you. Then you stepped in front of Dean and wound your arms around his neck. “But I’m glad we’re messed up like we are. Because even as messed up as you are, I love you and I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“Back at ya, sweetheart.”

NEXT EPISODE

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[jes-wan]

An eye behind shattered glass - Black Mirror S1- S3 thoughts

I just completed a binge of Black Mirror’s three Seasons. It’s hard to say if this was mentally a great thing to do, as the show has a rather down trend with it’s stories, for the most part. My thoughts will be in Netflix order, for whatever reason they have the season’s backwards, although it doesn't mater too much with each story being standalone. I suppose that is what makes binging a series like this easy, because everything is different and you only notice a few actors returning to play different roles. I thought I would write down my thoughts on these episodes and how they relate to real life, I won’t be talking too much about the episode themselves, because I don’t think that’s exactly what the writers of Black Mirror are after.

Obviously spoiler alert, so read at your own peril, you have been warned.

Nosedive

The first episode I watched in this series was also the first to make me feel guilty in real life. Of course I'm talking about relating this to using Uber. Where we rate our drivers and they rate you. A friend questioned recently how wrong the system is to be so open and have no guidelines for rating. It’s a good point and exactly what this episode is based on. Out of all the stories this one is the most realistic to actually happen. It wouldn’t be a stretch to imagine cafe’s starting to adopt the same system as Uber, and it spiralling out from there. I did enjoy the actress’ journey to discovering what’s the point in this system where you can’t be honest, or a breakup costs you, your job, the ending of the two of them yelling in some sort of lockup was perfect. Where, the language was ugly, that didn’t mater, it needs to be apart of our life. Sometimes you just need to tell someone, look that’s really stupid, without loosing your social standing. Speaking of which, going back to Uber, after watching this I found out how a passenger can see their rating. Mine was 4.96, which means someone gave me a four star, the feeling that you weren’t perfect right there is the problem. In the end conversations shouldn’t be rated for being meaningful, regardless of their outcome it’s all about interacting with another human, taking the good and bad.

Playtest

Buyers regret, that’s what VR feels like after watching this episode, or at least what VR might do to some people. Okay, maybe it isn’t that bad. Yet, it does make you wonder how fears could play a huge part in someone getting hurt in VR. Yes, the point of this story is playing off fears in a horror setting. Although in reality fears a deeper than that. You could be playing an adventure game and you have a fear of spiders. One comes up close to you and gives you a real life heart attack. How will we in the future combat actual fears, safe environment or not, that’s what the episodes asks. Instead, the real underlining issue is leaving things too late, putting something off because it’ s too hard. Well for the main character, doing so proved to be fatal, if he had just answered his mum a long time ago, she might not have called during the test and he would still be alive.

Shut up and Dance

You hear about people being blackmailed all the time, I couldn’t say if anyone has ever gone this far, but it might have happened to some lesser degree. The real question to ask yourself, is the risk worth it? If he had gone to the police right away, yes the video would have been released, but he would have had some backup, heck even the media might have been interested in hearing his story. It’s taking a bad situation and turning it better. Raise awareness, because as far as I know the web cam hijacks do indeed happen. In the end the troll, who I suspect was the kid in the hotel lobby, just released it all anyway. Not surprising, because someone who would come up with the ideas they did, probably isn’t someone with social empathy anyway.

San Junipero

I have to say this story was beautiful, I wasn't expecting the twist with it being a cloud reality. At first I thought it seemed like an excuse for a writer to put every 80s pop song into one episode. Big lessons here, even when someone tells you a story don’t assume they are selfish or whatever the case might be, ask questions. How long were you married is a good one. I’m not sure I wouldn’t struggle with the idea that after being uploaded living there forever would make me long for those who didn’t make such a choice. The ending was a surprise happy though and it was nice to see Greg was just someone willing to help out and get nothing in return, seldom do we see this today.

Men Against Fire

I was thinking this might be straight out action and not too thought provoking, at this point I should’ve known better. After binging the entire Alien series before this, I was glad to be wrong. I’d never heard the stats before about soldiers shooting over heads and the hit rate was so low. It’s sad to think that turning people into what we consider a monster would make them easier to kill. Even if they are expressing the exact same motions as someone saying people don’t shoot me. Not much of a choice for the ending, either watch those people die in an endless loop or be erased, no idea to be honest, both are bad. He got discharged anyway and now lives in a fantasy world, still bad I guess.

Hated in the Nation.

First of all, please no one make mechanical bees! Just don’t do it. Secondly what’s happened to all the bomb shelters in the UK. They could have put the third victim in one, a house surrounded by FLOWERS seemed like a terrible idea! Of course, social media plays a big part again, how often do we see people hiding behind their computer screen, shouting hate or even death in this case, knowing there is no consequences. That’s the lesson here, you can troll under your fake profiles, hate the world, think it’s funny to condemn, but really if someone manages to program killer robot bees, you might be in trouble. So consider this next to you decide to call someone on twitter. :P

Be Right Back

Tragic story from the get-go, the regret of putting work ahead of going with someone. Then dealing with a pregnancy, under a self imposed isolation. If you were offered the chance to talk to a passed person based on how they talked on social media would you? I couldn’t even try, to me it would be like forever putting yourself though the loss, every second you would feel sad after the conversation is over. Even more so with the android version of her late husband. In some respects it is nice for your daughter to meet basically a ghost of her father, but as she gets older what kind of impact will this have on her? Tricky, but a choice I can say I would never make.

White Bear,

Not what I was expecting, brutal but brilliant acting. Being ignored is worse than being yelled at, in my opinion. That people will film someone getting hurt rather than help, is something that does exist now. It seems to be instinct to pull out the phone and take video/photos before calling emergency. I heard that police actually hear about public crimes on Facebook first as opposed to people calling their emergency line. I don’t want to get to into too much about how she filmed her partner killing the child, there are no words and it’s hard to fathom that probably has happened somewhere for the writers to come up with it. A park for justice though, I know I couldn’t be a part of that, but with the rise of reality TV, I'm surprised something like this doesn’t already exist.

The Waldo Moment

I’m hesitant to write too much about the theme of this episode, due to the pure politics as opposed to social themes. I will say, is this really how the disenfranchised feel? If so, oh...

White Christmas

Realised what was going on after the lady and the egg scene, although I thought he was a police officer looking for a confession, I was close enough. However, I'm keen to talk about blocking people. The feeling of blocking people rather than facing them, easy isn't it? But can be cruel. If she had just come clean, he wouldn’t have gone through years or torment. Wondering why she kept the child, after the argument was seemingly about that. She may not have died on that train, if she was honest and her dad would still be alive same goes for her child. Of course he’s responsible for his own actions, and he did commit murder. Yet, the real lesson is, be honest, not mater how much it will hurt. You can’t possibly predict what you might set in motion by lying.

The National Anthem

You could just slap the media, which really did a great job in making a situation worse, anything for a story! Would everyone actually stand/sit there and actually watch such a horrible humiliation? No where in the demands did it say people had to watch it, yet the whole nation stopped. People laughed and smiled forgetting all about the reason why he is doing this. As a species do we really have such little compassion until it’s too late? Do we want to watch the train wreck? Of course, humanity's super power and after a year it’s pretty much forgotten and turned into a political vote changer. Although only three points up? I guess regardless of heroes, it’s not a popularity contest, which probably isn’t a bad thing.

Fifteen Million Merits

I’m not a big fan of talent shows, especially music ones, I feel it’s turned talent into image. Regardless, after watching YouTube videos recently on comments made by judges, it’s no wonder we are turning into a society of people who do not question our idols. What people will do for fame, she said yes to a life of sex slavery and he sold out to preach something no one is even listening too! It’s almost not worth it and looking for a way to escape the complex would have been a better use of time.

The Entire History of You

Would you become obsessed with the past if you could just rewind it? As someone who always tries to find the truth, I know I would be overusing this system. I’m not sure it was really that bad of a system, because without it he would have never found the truth and would have lived in a state of ignorance. Been played as a fool is much worse in my books. Irrespective of having this technology people didn’t seem to worried a conversation could just be rewound back and still followed their ways of deceit, shame really. Of course this sounds like a conflict with Nosedive, but the difference is honesty not avoidance.

Well that’s it, my thoughts on Black Mirror and it’s very good attempts at making you think about the society we live in.

Thanks for reading,

Peace out

Jes-Wan

[common-man]

Life 471.

Life is Beautiful 471

.On 9th  Tuesday Morning Ram received a call from Murthy.   Good morning Ram.How are you.  I came yesterday night to Prasanna's house along with his mother.I was asked to come by Prasanna's Mother in law for some important  discussion. Ram. I See.I am also coming there along with Raj. Murthy.What time you will come here. Ram .Twelve P.M Murthy.I am eagerly waiting to listen what  Kathambari's mother is going to deliver. Ram.Me too. Murthy.O.K.We shall meet at 12. After that Raj was also restless to know what for all called.  Exactly 12P.M Ram and Raj reached Prasanna's house.Nirmala was also waiting there. Kathambari was welcoming every body Good morning friends .It is a great pleasure to welcome you all for an important meeting..Before that kindly have your Drinks.Which ever flavor you like. Every body took different variety.Ram took his favorite Pineapple flavor. Vasanthi  also  took pineapple flavor. After drinks are over Kathambari Now Mum will talk.I am also eagerly waiting to know what is special about today's gathering.Now the floor  is yours Mum. Vasanthyi Thank you Kathambari.It wii take nearly one hour to finish my speech.In between i don't want questions.After i finish only i take questions.Every one O.K.All said o.k.Then Vasanthi  started her speech. Now i am 53 years old.I am going to take all of you  three decades back when i was in Mysore working for a bank.At that time i met one young knowledgeable beautiful  person  who has stolen my heart in couple of  meetings..He also liked me very much.We used to meet often.He was a Professor working for a leading college in Bengaluru.Days are passing and we wanted  to marry.His mother also liked our wish.Every thing was going smoothly.Suddenly my transfer order came with promotion to Mahabaleswar.We have decided to wait for one year to marry.This part only my fiancee knows.After reaching Mahabaleswar i met my class mate who settled in Mahabaleswar. Her name was also Vasanthy  and  i are good child hood friends.She was so happy to see me and compelled me  to stay in her Bunglow.She  her estate owner husband and two year child are their world.One year passed the child liked me and i also attracted by her naughty habits.When every thing  was going  smoothly suddenly one day my friend and her husband went for a Boat ride..I was staying back with the child in the house.My god how to tell.The tragic news came to me that the boat sunk in the river and only their bodies brought to hospital When i went to the hospital her husband died .Only my friend was waiting for my arrival.She took the oath from me that i should be the mother for the child and manage all  her estate properties.After telling these  few things she also left from  the world.I was shocked.Mean time i wrote a letter to my fiancee but the letter has come back After that again  i was  transferred to Mumbai.  Mean time  I sold all the properties in Mahabaleswar and put that money in  the child's name in the bank  and the child is none other than Kathambari.  Then i have no  information about my fiancee..After spending few years in  Mumbai i got a good offer from a multinational bank  in Dubai .Mean time the child  Kathambari was more attached to me and could n't remember her parents made me easy to ask her to call me mummy and she was also thinking i am her mother..I was also showered all my love and affection to her.In Mumbai i noticed her attitude towards Journalism and  i made her Journalist from Dubai based school.She then joined the famous Channel and earned a good name.Mean time one of her Indian trip she met my friend and later recommended to her Channel for the  good  position..On one Occasion i saw him and shocked.Many times i wanted to explain him about my past life  but failed.. Lastly i wrote three times letters and gave it to him. .The first letter i gave him when he was  going for Cyprus  three  and half years back. He has read every thing and with out murmuring about  my past he was keeping quite made me more guilty.He is a  real gentlemen who inspired me by his patience . I do not want to continue like this for ever and wanted to break my silence.You all have to tell me if i am wrong all these years keeping quite.Now you all know who is my fiancee and who is Kathambari. Murthy.Madam you are great.You have been patiently waiting to meet Ram.but you never thought you will meet him after twenty five years in Dubai that too through your adopted child Kathambari.Hats off to you. Ram.Yes.The first letter i did n't get from Vasanthi   because i was transferred to Mysore.She also got transferred to Mumbai. Kathambari.Mum ,sorry madam you have taken so much pain to brought me up and you never told about my birth   secret. Vasanthi Do n't call me madam.You are my child Call mum only.Now every body knows what has happened  in my past life. Ram.I never dreamt that i will meet Vasanthi in Dubai. Prasanna's Mother. Vasanthi  ,.Ram is real ram and he remembers you only  and never told us.Today Prasanna is in good position because of Ram  who has treated him like his son made him to study gave him a good life and Kathambari was brought up  by you  was a strange coincidence.With out marrying each other  they have brought  up two perils . This real true couple's life should be  an example for today's past materialistic  and no bonding world.They love each other and not decided to marry out side  shows their depth of love. Raj.Ram never told these things to  me and Murthy. You are real Ram for remembering your one and only favorite. Prasanna.You never told this to me Sir .You are great. Kathambari.Ram you are great.Sorry now i have to call you my dad.My mum should not live alone in future.Both should join  and we all live together. Murthy.Yes.Kathambari is right. Ram.Vasanthi .I am really proud of you.After thirty years we are going to be together with our daughter This also Looks Beautiful. Vasanthi .I know your nature.You always see  every one in Beautiful Manner. Prasanna also our son.Now i am going to give another beautiful news to all that Rukmini aunty is going to become grand mother shortly.Yesterday only the doctor confirmed to me about Kathambari's pregnancy. Ram.Now every suspense is cleared.Even  when Kathambari calls Vasanthi as   Mum i never suspected Vasanthi . Because i know my  Vasanthyi. Rukmini.Since we are all here on the happy occasion  i want  we all should celebrate Ram and Vasanthi 's marriage which was decided thirty years back.The coming friday is a good day for that. My advance  blessings to both for a Beautiful peaceful life in the Coming days and thanks for giving me a sweet news. Raj. Prasanna's mother's suggestion is really very good. Murthy.Yes. Good idea.  I will be very happy to see them in Wedding code. They  both are made for each other for Beautiful life. Kathambari.I am extremely happy about this good suggestion from my mother in law.Let us all meet on friday. Mr Atkinson will be more happy if i tell him  ,He is my bossu,gide in my Media World. .By to all. The Beautiful part of the Story Ram kept the secret of not reading the three letters given to him by his beautiful Vasanthi  and she herself solved the past problems.It is evident good people are always blessed by the Supreme force God. Life is Beautiful Ended with Beautiful Wishes and Blessings from all the readers. K.Ragavan 9-4-19

[fashiontrendin-blog]

Ariana Grande breaks down in tears while talking about a song she wrote after the Manchester attack

http://fashion-trendin.com/ariana-grande-breaks-down-in-tears-while-talking-about-a-song-she-wrote-after-the-manchester-attack/

Ariana Grande breaks down in tears while talking about a song she wrote after the Manchester attack

Ariana Grande is currently riding high on a wave of happiness after releasing her new album, Sweetener, on August 17. Her fourth studio album though, isn’t without bittersweet undertones, as she recovers from a tragic attack that happened at the end of her Manchester Arena concert, on May 22, 2017.

Many of her fans expected to see some sort of tribute on the album, and it comes in the form of ‘Get Well Soon’, the last track on the album. The lyrics touch on feeling alone and disconnected, which no doubt reflect her feelings in the aftermath.

“They say my system is overloaded (Girl, what’s wrong with you? Come back down) I’m too much in my head, did you notice? (Girl, what’s wrong with you? Come back down) My body’s here on Earth, but I’m floating (Girl, what’s wrong with you? Come back down) Disconnected, so sometimes, I feel frozen and alone”

The song is also 5:22 seconds long, with a silence long at the end, which many think is a nod to those who lost their lives on that night.

the fact ariana honoured the Manchester victims in get well soon allowing a moment of silence until it was 5 minutes 22 seconds long, I just don’t have the words right now. she has my entire heart. @ArianaGrande you’re an angel ♡ #Sweetener

— chelsea (@Chelseaxphelps) August 17, 2018

In a new interview with Beats 1’s Ebro Darden, Ariana breaks down while talking about the song and its meaning. She explained, fighting back tears,

“It’s about just being there for each other and helping each other through scary times and anxiety. You know, there’s some dark sh*t out there, man. And we just have to be there for each other as much as we can. ‘Cause you never f*cking know, you know? So, I wanted to do something to make people feel good and less alone.”

“It’s not just about that… it’s also about personal demons, and anxiety, and more intimate tragedies as well, you know? Mental health is so important. People don’t pay enough mind to it because we have things to do, schedules, we have jobs, kids, places to be, and pressures to fit in, Instagram Stories — whatever the f*ck you’re trying to put on, facade… trying to keep up. People don’t pay attention to what’s happening inside, you know? I’m so sorry, I’m falling apart.”

“That’s why I felt like it was important. I just wanted to give people a hug, musically. I feel like the lyrics can be kind of corny when I talk about wanting to hug you and stuff, but I really do…I don’t know. People gotta be nicer. When you see this sh*t on the news, it affects you, but not in the same way. You feel bad, you tweet, you post a picture, you send your condolences, you say something and you move on. But like, Christmas comes and you’re thinking about it, it’s like… f*ck I’m so sorry. People are permanently affected by this sh*t. It’s just, perspective. It changes everything.”

It’s clear she’s still incredibly affected by the tragedy, and it’s an emotional watch. Bravo Ariana for talking about how you feel and showing your fans that it’s okay to do the same. You can watch the full interview below.

A year on from the tragedy, Ariana paid tribute with a series of heartfelt sentiments.

The young star, who was performing in Manchester when a terror attack saw 22 people lose their lives and over 500 injured, first took to Twitter to write: “Thinking of you all today and every day”

“I love you with all of me and am sending you all of the light and warmth I have to offer on this challenging day.”

The star also unveiled a bee tattoo in honour of the 22 victims.

She took to social media to share a snap of the tiny inking, which is just behind her left ear, and captioned it: “Forever.”

The worker bee became the symbol of Manchester solidarity after the attack and many of Ariana’s fans have followed her lead by getting their own.

Ariana also attended a family vigil, which was led by her mum, Joan, in honour of those who had died.

It is unbelievable how May 22, 2017 started last year in Manchester! Who would ever have imagined the horrors that awaited us all.. one year later I look to the strength of Manchester with a bowed head, and love in my heart! At home last night, all together & grateful! pic.twitter.com/iPWzEUdM88

— Joan Grande (@joangrande) May 24, 2018

thinking of you all today and every day 🐝 I love you with all of me and am sending you all of the light and warmth I have to offer on this challenging day

— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) May 22, 2018

The inking comes after Ariana spoke candidly about how she channelled her emotions into her music following the tragic Manchester terror attack.

She called the Manchester Arena attack the ‘absolute worst of humanity’. Ahead of the first anniversary of the attack. She told Time magazine : “Music is supposed to be the safest thing in the world. I think that’s why it’s still so heavy on my heart every single day.

“When I started to take care of myself more, then came balance, and freedom, and joy.

“It poured out into the music. We’ve messed with the idea of not being able to find the ground again, because I feel like I’m finally landing back on my feet now.”

We’re glad to hear it, Ariana.

Her first television television appearance after the attack was on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. During the interview, she discussed her new album and what fans can expect, before talk turned to the tragic events that unfolded.

Jimmy said: “I know it’s tough for everybody, tough for fans and tough for you, and I know you haven’t done any interviews, and I understand that.

“I just wanted to say thank you so much for coming on the show and for being strong and for entertaining and for showing up and going back to Manchester and doing a benefit. I thought that was awesome of you. I just think you’re so strong and so cool.”

Ariana, visibly upset, just replied: “Thanks. Thank you.”

Her new album is “about bringing light to a situation, or to someone’s life, or somebody else who brings light to your life, or sweetening the situation”.

According to E!, her appearance on the show was record-breaking, bringing in over 3 million social interactions. The 24-year-old also performed her new single ‘No Tears Left To Cry’ for the first time on TV, which you can watch below.

Following the attack, which saw 22 people lose their lives and over 500 injured, Ariana put together the One Love Manchester benefit concert which raised over £4 million for all of the victims.

Prior to the concert, she paid a surprise visit to the Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital and sat at the bedside of children who were still recovering from the attack.

Jaden Farrell-Mann, 10, was left with fractures to both her legs and shrapnel wounds from the terror attack and has undergone two operations.

The youngster happily tweeted: “I got to meet my queen today love you @ArianaGrande xxxxxx”

The singer also had photos with nurses at the hospital and dozens of other patients, including 14-year-old Evie Mills.

The horrific incident took place at around 10.35pm after Grande performed her final song from the Dangerous Woman tour.

The explosion was detonated by a suicide bomber, who was named as 22-year-old Salman Abedi. Born in Manchester to Libyan parents, Abedi is thought to have made his way to the city from London in order to carry out his attack. Abedi set off a homemade bomb near the exit as fans were leaving the venue.

All 22 victims have now been named: Georgia Callender, 18; Saffie-Rose Roussos, 8; Olivia Campbell, 15; John Atkinson, 26; Martyn Hett, 29; Eilidh MacLeod, 14; Chloe Rutherford, 17; Liam Curry, 19; Michelle Kiss, 45; Sorrell Leczkowski, 14; Nell Jones, 14; Alison Howe, 45; Lisa Lees, 47; Jane Tweddle-Taylor, 51; Angelika and Marcin Klis; Kelly Brewster, 32; Elaine McIver, 42; Megan Hurley, 15; Wendy Fawell, 50; Courtney Boyle, 19, and her 32-year-old step-father Philip Tron.

Following the attack, Ariana Grande – who left the venue unharmed – took to Twitter to express her heartbreak, saying “broken. from the bottom of my heart, i am so so sorry. i don’t have words.”

‘Look for the helpers’ – Manchester rallies round with acts of kindness

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