#also I am aware not everybody thinks it’s a chore but I think it is
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Only ppl unaware of how much of a boring chore it is to draw clothing and all assorted folds would think that there are only sexual reasons for drawing naked people 🤷🏻♀️
#chances are if#they’re cuddling? no clothes?#yeah I couldn’t be bothered sorryyyy but not sorry#if the costume design is simple that’s fine#if not noooo way#also I am aware not everybody thinks it’s a chore but I think it is
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Greetings! I am here to spread propaganda for Kalim + Malleus + Tweels friendship squad.
So post story, Kalim is trying to be more independent and Malleus is trying to make friends. Curtesy of the mc, Kalim and Malleus now frequently team up to face the great challenges of doing laundry, figuring out a vacuume cleaner, and learning to cook without blowing shit up. Considering both have insecurities of about being alone (Kalim with everyone wanting him dead and Malleus with everyone being terrified of him), they connect fairly easily and are just cute besties.
To ease himself out of his oblivious habits, Kalim has started keeping a journal of every little observation he makes no matter how insignificant it is. This lead to him developing a routine of sitting in busy areas and people watching. Whenever Floyd got bored, he went to chill with Kalim and they'd make a game out of making up stories about other based on Kalim's observations. It didn't take long for them to be joined by Jade who was also pretty bored.
Through these riveting circumstances Malleus and the Tweels formed a sweet little gang with Kalim. Malleus and Jade are often geeking out about their hyperfixations while Kalim and Floyd get into shenanigans. Malleus just enjoys the random chaos that is Floyd cause now he's tried so many new things, Jade just appreciates chaos in general and likes having someone who will actually listen to his hyperfixations, Floyd likes watching Malleus' shocked expressions at every new little thing, and everybody just likes Kalim and are encouraging his new observation skills.
GAHHH THIS IS SO GOOD YOURE A GENIUSSSS AGHHGHHHH /gen
Kalim and Malleus actually do have a lot of similarities, like a lack of awareness of a lot of human appliances, hard times during social situations, etc. Them bonding over trying to figure out chores is so fun imo.
The twins are also probably being egged on by Azul, after all, Azul canonically wants to get closer to Malleus—Kalim as well, so they're just thinking about how hilarious both Malleus and Kalim are while doing their thing while Azul's eyes are filling up with money signs.
And also as a little aside, I love mixing Jade with genuine kindness because the result is so hilarious and probably cute. Like, imagine him being so shocked when Kalim is genuinely interested in hearing him talk. What is this??? Someone doesn't think his interest in odd? Kalim genuinely wants to hear more? He's act just like- slightly amused, but he can't hide his slight blush.
Anyways it's just a super cute idea imo, thanks for sharing <3
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So, that last reblog about Ilmater and a few of your other cleric-related posts reminded me of a question/issue that has bugged me for a while and that I haven't found a good answer for. (Don't worry, it's not about BDSM, though I am very ??? about Ilmatari sexuality. But I digress.) As a more casual DnD player, I don't have many of the source books, so I mostly have to rely on what I can find on the internet, which is very … *gestures vaguely* let's say, hit or miss on reliable information. I also know there may not be a "canon" answer, even if just to leave room for DM/player shenanigans, but maybe you might know or have an opinion.
So, my understanding is that priests are people who enter the clergy (voluntarily or not) and learn the doctrines, how to perform rituals, etc., while clerics are basically people that a god points to and says "I want that one," and may not ever have or have had anything to do with the official clergy/religious hierarchy. But to me, it seems like the clergy would have some process to establish that a person who claims to be a cleric of their god is actually legit.
The extremist cult mentioned in that other post happened during the Time of Troubles, so that wasn't exactly normal circumstances, but it seems like that sort of thing would be a concern all the time. I know the gods aren't supposed to directly meddle in each other's affairs, but it seems like some of them would try anyway if they thought they could get away with it. (Looking at you, Shar.) And I'm sure there are plenty of other entities that would deceive, brainwash or mind-control a mortal into thinking they're a cleric so they can slander a god. A truth-serum doesn't seem like it would be enough, because the person may genuinely believe it.
To be honest, I haven't been able to find much at all about where clerics fit in with the clergy. I'm sure some gods would be fine empowering people who wanted to serve as long as they're doing the things the god's clergy or clerics do. Other gods, like Bane, no doubt demand that a cleric undergo training in doctrines, etc. and have a clearly established place in the hierarchy. But even beyond what the gods themselves feel about it, I imagine the clergy would want some verification process for anyone who would represent their faith.
Is this a thing, or are we just supposed to head-canon it however? I know it's a sort of nitpicky issue, but it seems like it would be important thing to know for anyone wanting to play a cleric -- for backstory reasons if nothing else!
(By the way, if you answer, I don't mind if you snip this ask into whatever pieces you want to respond to. I realize it's a little long.😔)
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So, my understanding is that priests are people who enter the clergy (voluntarily or not) and learn the doctrines, how to perform rituals, etc., while clerics are basically people that a god points to and says "I want that one," and may not ever have or have had anything to do with the official clergy/religious hierarchy.
Everybody working at the temple doing the daily chores and dedicating themselves to a life of worship is a priest, but the priests in charge and the ones leading the rituals and speaking for the deity are the clerics (or druids). A cleric/druid does have to be part of the faith, and if a god wants this mortal as a cleric they’ll typically direct them towards the nearest actual cleric/druid and place of worship for that guidance and training. (Favoured/Divine Souls, as the spontaneous casters, are the annoying bastards who fuck up the hierarchy, but they’re rare. Don't need to follow the rules or pray for your god's power when you simply have it by existing.)
As far as I'm aware a god can't force a person to be a cleric/druid/paladin/ranger; divine magic requires some degree of faith and willingness to serve, even if for selfish reasons on the mortal end. They can bestow their power on a mortal, but the classes require a certain dedication. You can psychologically condition people into willingness though.
But to me, it seems like the clergy would have some process to establish that a person who claims to be a cleric of their god is actually legit.
For a random, already initiated priest you've never met before: Aside from a series of rites and secret handshakes or whatever - plus the assumption that few are going to be suicidal enough risk pissing off the gods - they do, it’s called asking the god.
The extremist cult mentioned in that other post happened during the Time of Troubles, so that wasn't exactly normal circumstances, but it seems like that sort of thing would be a concern all the time.
It kind of is is. Not even just enemy gods disguising themselves, but different religious leaders having different interpretations of the same deity.
I know the gods aren't supposed to directly meddle in each other's affairs, but it seems like some of them would try anyway if they thought they could get away with it. (Looking at you, Shar.) And I'm sure there are plenty of other entities that would deceive, brainwash or mind-control a mortal into thinking they're a cleric so they can slander a god. A truth-serum doesn't seem like it would be enough, because the person may genuinely believe it.
There’s a couple of factors, one being that pesky free will that mortals have to have, plus faith remains true to its definition (because even when gods are demonstrably real ‘I don’t need empirical evidence for what I believe in to believe in it’ still stands).
Even within a single faith there are heresies and splinter sects: worshipping their god in different ways, interpreting doctrine differently, and getting mad at each other over it.
The god then has a choice to make: cut off one of the sects, losing followers and power and leaving that sect to potentially be picked up by an enemy god who will empower them (possibly masquerading as them) but not causing disunity in the church or potentially altering their own nature; or empower both, maintaining their power (maybe creating a larger pool of potential worshippers with new avenues to the faith), but decentralising their power on Faerûn as the faith fragments, and potentially changing themselves as mortal faith ‘evolves’ them.
Sometimes gods treat heresies – even if they’re born of a masquerading enemy - as tests of faith for the misled mortal, or think they can get something out of it.
To be honest, I haven't been able to find much at all about where clerics fit in with the clergy.
They’re the authority, as handed to them from on high. The hands and eyes of the god upon the mortal realm in a way that a lesser priest is not. A cleric/druid is intimately and inextricably tied to their god; They have the god’s ear and speak and act for them, and the rest of the faith follow. A priest who isn’t a divine caster serves the temple and god out of faith, but doesn’t wield divine authority. It’s not quite the same thing, but imagine that the non-divine casters are volunteers helping the people running the place, and the divine casters have taken oaths and have to live according to a set of ecclesial laws the rest of the world doesn’t have to. I mean most clergy took rites and responsibilities, but nowhere near the level a divine caster did. Picture the difference between a fighter and the old fashioned LG paladin. Perhaps both may serve Tyr faithfully, but the paladin has a code, powers and mythos that the fighter doesn’t.
You don’t really get into the higher ranks of the clergy without divine casting.
But even beyond what the gods themselves feel about it, I imagine the clergy would want some verification process for anyone who would represent their faith.
They often – maybe always – do have that, assuming the god hasn’t singled you out for service in which case the clergy are getting sent divine omens that say ‘this is my new cleric/druid’ and then they shut up and do as they’re told or face divine punishment (clerics and druids are not to refuse their god’s commands).
If you’re just a standard acolyte looking to take vows and serve the faith, the Ilmatari have an example:
The senior priest takes you for a quiet walk where you discuss your views on life and your desire to join the faith, ending in a meal where you voluntarily allow yourself to be drugged into a trance where the priests will examine your mind for any ulterior motive or anything hidden that makes you unsuited to their life. If all goes well: welcome to the faith, if not tough luck.
There are also vetting processes for climbing the ranks, which both mortal tradition and the god is involved in: 'Clerics in the service of a god will advance only if they please the god, by remaining faithful to the god's rules and aims, and acting as the god wishes.'
Non-clerics usually fill the bottom ranks, maybe never prograssing past acolyte or having their own vows idk (non-divine caster priests are generally overlooked and recommended as npcs only). Ascending ranks usually means divine caster, and involves a greater level of study, rites to pass, and getting further and further involved with your god (meaning more loyalty required and harsher sentences for betrayal and failure). Spell levels 1-2 come from training, like wizards. 3-5 are being granted by divine servants and messengers of the deity (solars, elementals, fiends, etc). 6+ are coming straight from the god.
Priesthoods tend to be extremely secretive about their inner workings, a good example found in how they treat their holy books*: those are often warded to high hell to make sure the wrong people (alignment, religion, intentions...) can’t get near them, and will insist on putting outsiders that want to see them through an obstacle course of tests and tasks and then still want to stand to the side and watch the visitor like a hawk while they read, ready to act if they do anything sketchy or blasphemous.
*Not like standard parables or the occasional history, like the really important sacred stuff straight from the deity, full of divine spells handed to their most holy. Holy relics and etc.
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Papa emeritus IV X Ghoul!Mom!F!Reader
Part 2
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Word count: 2.1k
Lightly proofread
Warnings: none.
Part 1 / Part 3
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You were standing outside the ghouls den waiting for Copia to show up. After you left Copia's office, you had finished your chores. Having finished with an hour to spare and you went back to your room to find it empty. It left you feeling rather empty yourself. You spent a good portion of that time thinking over the who scenario before heading for the to head to the den, bringing you to the present. Watching Copia turn the corner. He had fixed his paints, looking nothing of how he did at your last meeting. You call out a greeting. "Hello, Copia. Are you ready?" Smiling he replied. "Yes, fiore! I have had some time to think over everything." Moving over to the door he knocked, he waited a second and then pushed the door open. He seemed to be in a rush. Probably wanting to get this over with. Following behind Copia, you smile. In the middle of the common room was a ghoul pile, and in the middle lay Aether. Happy purrs and chatters could be heard coming from the pile.
Rain was the first to pop his head up. "Hi Papa, Ma." He greats you both and continues. "What are you guys doing?" One by one, you see the rest look towards the two of you. "It had come to my attention that I needed to come talk to all of you as a group. Solo noi come una famiglia." In the process of talking, Copia his way to sit on the floor in front of the ghoul pile. He turns and gestures for you to join him.
Taking a seat the ghouls before you untangle themselves from each other. Once everybody is sitting up, Copia began. "I know today did not go as we expected. Some painful information was dropped on us all." He talked to them as if he were a father talking to his children. Voice gentle, understanding, and caring. "This is something we will need to work through together." There was a pause."Why is this happening?" Mountain was the first to speak out. His voice was unsteady. "It is my fault. I have not been performing my duties as Papa as well as I should be. I am not matching up with the expectation. This is the punishment that was deemed necessary. I tried to get Sister Imperator to reconsider with nothing to show for it." He was being completely honest. Guilt written all over his face. He was not hiding any information from the band.
"That's bullshit!" Sodo's angry voice cuts through the air, causing Copiato stiffen. "You work harder than most! How do you not meet the expectations. Almost all of our past rituals have been successes. You do the workload of at least three people. What do they actually expect from you! Sure, you're a ditz sometimes, but come on." Sodo looked exasperated. "He's right. You don't deserve this. We don't deserve this." Cumulus commented. "I agree." Rain and Curris added in unison. "What are we going to do? They are taking away a vital part of our group. Swapping an experienced guitarist for someone new!" Swiss voiced his thoughts, which was followed by Mountains. "There is also no guarantee that the new one will end up being any good either." You just sat there listening to what everyone had to say. "I hear your concerns. I have similar concerns as well. We will need to do our best to accommodate to the changes. It will be a learning process for us all." Copia does his best to ease their concerns.
You become painful aware of the guilt and sadness that had spread across Aether's face. His voice broke your heart when he chose to speak. You had to resist the urge to crawl over and hold him. "What of me?" It came out broken, almost scared of the answer. All eyes were on him the moment the words left his mouth. "What will happen to me?" He voiced a little clearer. Copia's face softened even more. "Do not worry, Aether. You will remain here. You may be pulled from the band, but you are not any less one of us. I will die before I let anyone rip you from your home. " There was a spark of a feeling you couldn't quite pin point with the was his voice dropped to almost that of a threatening tone. A wave of relief rushed over Aether. The others also seemed pleased with that answer. "I don't know if this arrangement is going to be temporary or permanent. I'm not going to promise either to you all. I need you to know that I am always on your side, and I will always do my best for you guys." Copia continued. "Papa informed me that the new ghoul will be summoned next Friday. They will be fresh and in need of a guide. Aether, would you be comfortable taking that role?" You asked.
Watching a small smile creep up to his face, he accepted. "I think I can do that." Copia take over again. "Thank you. They will move into one of the open rooms. We give them two or three day to adjust once they arrive. After their training will begin. I would like you all to welcome them with open minds and kindness. They did not choose this, and they are not to blame." Everyone responded in some way, weather it be vocalized or a gesture. Patting Copia's shoulder, you proceed to stand, letting them finish the conversion without you. Watching you walk through the door, Copia let out a sigh.
Looking back at his ghouls, he becomes aware of them all staring at him with either a stupid grin or an expectant look on their faces. "What?" Copia questions. "We totally see what's happening." Aurora giggled out. "See what?" He stares back, confusion clearly written across his painted face. "That look." She pushes again. His brows furrowed deeper. "Did I mess up my paint?" He brings a hand up to his face, but not quite touching. This causes a couple of them to chuckle at his obviousness. "No, Papa. Your paints are fine." Cirrus reassures. "Then what is it?" His confusion turning to frustration. "(Y/N), Papa. We know you've got a thing for her." Swiss interjected.
Feeling the heat of embarrassment creep up his neck and warm his face, he looked to the side. "I do not know what you're talking about." He denied. "We noticed a while ago. You don't hide it very well." Cumulus commented, giggling at the man. "Don't feel bad about it." She added, trying to confort him. Facing them, he let another sigh fall from his lips. "Is it really that obvious?" Sodo barked a laughing. "Painfully so. I wouldn't be surprised if most of the ministry knew."
"You ever going to make a move?" Aether pried. Copia ran a hand through his hair. The thought of approaching you about his attraction to you had crossed his mind countless times. He ran into the same problem every time. "I don't know how." The confession stund the group. "What do you mean you don't know how? Get her flowers. Invite her to dinner. I've never seen her with anyone, so at least you've got a shot." Sodo throws at him. Copia made an exasperated gesture. "Satanas! I know that! But I don't know her favorite flower, nor what her favorite food is, not even her favorite color. Non so niente di lei! Even after all my years of knowing her, I do not truly know her." He tries to voice low. The room quiets.
Realization hits each of them like a ton of bricks. None of them knew much, if anything, about you. They knew you worked hard and hardly complained. You had always lended a helping hand to anyone in need. You listened, gave advice, never judged, and always took care of everyone. That's when the guilt crept in. You were all these thing for them, yet they hadn't taken the time to learn about you. Satan, they had been in your room and hadn't even noticed any consistent colors that would indicate a favor. All except one.
The room remained in a thick silence until Rain broke it. "I guess none of - " Sodo interrupts him. "She always smells of lemon grass and sage. Never strongly but enough that when she holds me, I can smell it. So she probably spends some time on that side of the garden. She also has a pressed (Favorite Flower) framed beside her bed. I know she has not been with anyone at least in the last year or so because I would smell it on her. I'm around her enough that I would notice. She rarely smells of anyone but us long enough for it to be noticeable. That'll at least give you a start." Sodos voice was soft as he played with his fingers, seemingly embarrassed. Everyone just looked at him shocked. His grumpy attitude returning he looked around. "What? Surprised I actually pay attention?" He bit out. Copia smiles. "That is actually very helpful. Thank you." He was sincere in his appreciation for the fire ghoul.
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In the kitchen, you settled at the sink to do the task at hand. Almost finished, you hear the door and then the thuding of footsteps. Coming to stand beside you, Copia looks at you. "You did amazing in there. See, you didn't need me, and they have your back." You smile at him. He just takes you in for a minute. From the base of your horns, the curve of your lips exposing the sharp points of your fangs to the beautiful (E/C) of your eyes. A warm feel makes its home in his chest. "Sí, il mio fiore, you were correct." Continuing your work, you ask."Do you feel better now?" "Yes very much so." "Good! It's going to be a bumpy road, just know that you have people who have your back." You beemed at him.
Copia paused for a minute. Now was as good a time as ever. Willing his nerves not to show, he tried to discreetly let out a breath. "Um, (Y/N), I have a question." Not stopping your work, you giggled. "Shoot." "Would you be apposed to have having dinner with me." The question surprised you, halting your actions, you look at him. He was visible nervous. Suddenly, a wave of your own dread and fear crash over you. "Like a date?" You question back. "Not if you don't want it to be. It could be just dinner as friends. You don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with." He was rambled on. The tension was clear as day, both panicking for different reasons. You steeled yourself, trying to rein in your emotions. Dinner was just that, dinner. As much as you were afraid, you were also lonely.
You were tired of the loneliness if you were honest with yourself. You had spent many years being careful of what you let happen in your life, that in the end you neglected yourself all the same. Having lost your closest friend over five years ago, you never really opened up to anyone after that. The closest you had come was the time you had spent with a certain ghoul.
It was just dinner. You were not laying yourself bare to him or spilling you secrets. It was eating a nice meal with a good man. You could not deny your attraction to the human. More than once, she had caught her eyes wondering over to him when in the same room.
Giving him a smile, you make eye contact. "I would like that." His words died on his tongue. It is him who looked surprised now. "Wait, really?" Drying your hands, you turn your body to face him. "Yeah! I think that it would be nice." "Oh well! Good, good." A slight awkward air fell between the two. He honestly had not expected to get this far. "Umm, how about Saturday? Does that work for you?" You lay your hand on his shoulder. "Yes, Copia. That works for me." Copia looks to the sink and back to you. "Would you want any help finishing?" He asks. "If you would like to, you can dry as I finish washing." Taking off his gloves, he grabs the towel, and they finish the dishes together.
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No one can convince me that Sodo would not cling to someone he veiws as a motherly figure. I will die on that hill. I hope you enjoyed part 2. As always, feedback and requests are always appreciated and encouraged.
Tag list:
@water-ghoulette
@thirstyroses-world
Here's another photo from the ritual!
#ghost bc#nameless ghouls#papa emeritus iv#swiss ghoul#aether ghoul#aurora ghoulette#cardinal copia#cirrus ghoulette#copia#dewdrop ghoul#copia x reader#papa copia#papa emeritus iv x reader#papa x reader#phantom ghoul#aether#aether ghost#sodo ghost#sodo ghoul#sodo#rain ghoul#rain#nameless ghoul swiss#swiss#swiss ghost#nameless ghoulettes#cumulus ghoulette#aurora#nameless ghoul#nameless ghoul mountain
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Hey, First of all, I love your blog. It's literally aesthetic ~ I wanted to ask if you considered job prospects before deciding on your degree because I see people around me saying chem is not worth it because of future possibilities. I also have a background in Biotechnology, but had a similar issue with it being too vague. I am working in a totally different field which I am greatful for but I dont plan on staying here long term. Seeing your blog rekindled my interest in chem so would love to know your point of view on this or any advice you could offer. You can totally ignore this if you want as well <3
[This got SO LONG omg 🙈 But I hope it can be helpful]
Hi there fellow chem enthusiast!
To be honest, it's no secret that finding a job in the scientific field is difficult here in Poland. I was fully aware of it when I chose biotech first and then chemistry second. My reasoning back then was, "I love science more than anything and, since I have the opportunity to study it literally for free, why not take it? Why not spend five years - that are going to come and go anyway - learning something I'm passionate about, broadening my knowledge, and giving myself a chance to create a beautiful future for myself? Even if I fail to get a job in science, at least I will know that I tried my best. I'll have spent five precious years of my life doing something incredible."
Which may sound a little depressing, I agree 😅 But several years later, I still think this way. Even if I can't get a job in chemistry once I graduate, at least I'm so, so happy now. I can't really picture myself doing anything that's not science-related, so I know I have to try.
But at the same time, after a couple of years studying for two different science degrees, I have some insight that I didn't have straight after high school. I have had people tell me getting a science degree isn't worth it too, that I won't get a job afterwards, but I've noticed most of those people belonged to one of the following three categories:
1. People who have absolutely nothing to do with science: distant relatives working in business or trade, my parents' acquaintances with no higher education, everybody who ~has heard things~ but has never really been in the position to see firsthand how these things work.
2. My fellow science majors who have older friends with a science degree: their concerns usually sounded valid to me. After all, they were in touch with people who actually got the degree in question and then tried to navigate the job market post-graduation. Later though I realized a lot of those people belonged to the third category.
3. Science students who honestly don't know what tf they're doing - a category that I like to divide into two subcategories:
a. well-meaning but lost students who really need guidance
b. people who went to uni because eh why not but who don't really care and who refuse to put in the work.
I definitely belonged to category 3a at the very beginning of my uni journey, so there's no shame in that. I'm a first gen uni student, so I had to figure everything out all by myself as I went.
The thing is, I got to talk to a lot of people who complained that a science degree is useless while doing pretty much nothing to sharpen their skills. They floated through uni as if it was nothing but another chore they had to cross out of their to-do list, barely passing, having zero interest in their field of study, not taking any opportunities that were literally out there. No extracurriculars, no internships, no side projects, nothing. Is it surprising at all these people struggle to find a job in science afterwards?
Don't get me wrong, nobody has full control over their life - sometimes you just get lucky. My friend's friend (lol) needed to take a break from uni after his BSc and got a job in an analytical lab straight away. But most often you just really have to work your butt off to get what you want. The people from my old uni who truly cared about biotech worked extremely hard to get to where they are now: with published papers and working with their profs. Harsh as it may sound, I now know that if I don't want to be one of those people with a """useless""" science degree, I have to do more than is expected of me. I have to put my introverted, anxious self out there, because being passive probably won't get me anywhere.
The people who love you and care about you mean well when they say chemistry isn't worth it, but that doesn't mean they're right. Similarly, people who graduate with a science degree and then struggle to get a job aren't all slackers who just didn't try hard enough - that's absolutely not true. Life isn't always what we want it to be. I wouldn't exactly feel comfortable giving you advice since I'm still in uni, but I can tell you my experience, and my experience is people who know what they want and who are willing to work very hard for it, usually get it.
I'd say this is also no secret but it tends to float over people's heads (no shame in this either, it's hard to imagine your whole future when you're like 20) that when your profs tell you to do more, they're being serious. When they say doing extra is important, they're right.
So, I believe in all this stuff and I work hard and I got myself an internship, and will this get me a job in chemistry? I don't know! I've no idea! Maybe I'll fail miserably! Maybe I'll be one of those people who genuinely try hard and then just happen to be really unlucky! But right now I'm doing everything that's in my power not to let that happen. I can't guarantee you success in the scientific field - nobody can - but I can tell you hard work, determination, and faith in yourself increase your chances of succeeding dramatically. It's a cliche, I'm aware, but if you never try, you never know. You only get one precious chance to experience living on this floating rock and everything that comes with it. Why not try to make it good?
#as always insight from more experienced chemblrs is very much welcome!#chemblr#chemistry#inbox#chemistry asks
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Is anyone else a family? We are. Everyone is a family member. I have brothers and sisters. We’re not related. Toby and I are from the same source, but my sister is an introject. My mom, my uncle, my estranged cousin, they’re family! I don’t think I’ve seen any other system talk about their headmates being a family unit.
We have breakfast lunch and dinner together! This is a home. Headspace is our shared home. We all have rooms and chores. We take care of eachother like we’re all part of a large family. Does anyone else experience systemhood as a family?
On another note. Being that we are family members fusing or going dormant is really painful. We know everybody and we talk with them. We’re a system of maybe 10, and so we’re all aware of eachother and taking care of one another.
We also know that it’s painful to imagine losing folks. It scares me that in treatment a counselor would want to suggest integration. I don’t want to lose my brother. He went dormant for a few weeks a year ago and it was terrifying. I can’t imagine it.
Im sure we’re all scared of losing eachother. I just don’t get to hear from many other systems where I am. I’d love to hear some commentary on this.
-me and some others
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part one | oblivion
oblivion [noun. the state of being unaware or unconscious of what is happening around one]
pairing: kamo noritoshi/f!reader
summary: your relationship with noritoshi was like a game of cat and mouse; no matter how hard you tried to escape from him, he would always find his way back to you.
wordcount: 3.9k
content/warnings: friends to enemies to lovers, language, noritoshi is kind of a dick but i promise it gets better so please don’t lose faith in him, we’re not strictly following the manga timeline bc while i am reading it, i do have a goldfish brain, lowercase intended
a/n: hello, here’s the first installment of my sanguine series! it’s the prequel of this drabble (nsfw) i wrote the other week while i was working on the outline of the fic. it’s a little slow burn because i wanted to spend some more time exploring their relationship and the groundwork for it, so yeah. i’ll try to update it regularly, but since i’ve only planned five parts for sanguine, it might take a while bc i want to take my time with it. if you want to stay updated with the series, i’ll post the masterlist to it shortly! i do hope you enjoy it though :) and stay safe, everybody! [tagging @sukirichi the sukuna to my yuuji, who just gets spammed when i start rambling about my aus but always screams with me (´• ω •`)]
masterlist - next
"y/n!" you look up to see miwa storming towards you, thrusting a book in your direction. "could you- could you please give this to noritoshi? i borrowed this book from him like a week ago and if i don't return this anytime soon, i think he's gonna kill me."
scowling at her, you look at the book in disdain. you wanted to avoid crossing paths with noritoshi as much as possible and miwa was well aware that you didn't like hi-
"please," miwa pleaded again, taking your hands and placing the book in it. "i'm really scared of him. he always looks like he's going to shoot me soon. even todo is pretty nice if you don't interrupt his takada-chan time!"
you sighed in annoyance, you just couldn't say no. ever since coming to the kyoto metropolitan curse tech, miwa and you had been pretty close because you strongly disliked the other students. most of them were arrogant and stuck-up, thinking they were better than the other; the two that belonged to the three clans were even worse. on your first day here you'd promptly gotten into a fight with mai, disliking how haughty she was and trying to prove everyone that she was better than them. much to your chagrin, the fight ended in a tie.
"fine, but you owe me some mango," miwa's face lit up in relief and she gave you a thumbs up before dashing to her room, most likely to escape noritoshi's wrath. you inspected the book. was it even worth returning it? maybe you could just throw it in the trash. if noritoshi ever found out, he'd kill miwa first and then you. you let out another sigh before making your way towards the training grounds. he most likely was outside to practice, either with one of the guys or alone. as you were nearing the training grounds, you could already hear the sound of arrows whistling and the dull thuds of them hitting the target. it was hard to spot him through all the trees; you weren't entirely sure where he was. your ears perked up when you heard him release another arrow until you realized that it was heading your way. this bastard. fortunately, you were able to slash the arrow clean in the middle, angrily pointing your sword in his direction. you still couldn't see him anywhere.
"you fucking idiot! you could've killed me," you snarled, stomping deeper into the forest. an amused laugh echoed through the trees.
"you're acting like i can't control my arrows. it's not my fault you let your guard down," noritoshi retorted smugly, lowering his bow as he saw you approaching. you were fuming, hurling the book at him. how dare he? you watched with satisfaction as it hit him square in the chest - who was caught off guard now, huh? he deserved it anyways.
"miwa asked me to return your book," you curtly explained and turned back around to leave but apparently, noritoshi had other plans. instead of saying anything else, he just followed you which unsettled you even more.
"stop following me."
"who said i was following you? i'm just going back to the dorms. i'm sorry you can't handle me being near you."
you whirled around, sword pointing dangerously close to his neck. he smirked at you triumphantly, it was just too easy to get a rouse out of you. "another word and i'll cut you, seriously. you're pissing me off," you gritted your teeth, hating that you always fell for his stupid games. he knew you all to well, what made you angry, what made you happy, what motivated you. once upon a time, you'd thought the same about him; until he changed so rapidly, so unlike your expectations. you were worlds apart and yet you'd reserved an ounce of hope that he wouldn't turn out to be as arrogant as the clan heads. swift as the wind, noritoshi grabbed your wrist, dragging it upwards and towards him until he could lean down to you. your heartbeat sped up - holy shit why was he so close to you - and you froze in shock.
"i'd like to see you try, princess," he whispered in your ear, the grip on your wrist tightening. "you wouldn't dare to."
the first time you met noritoshi, he was sitting outside in the garden with his mum. both seemed to have a good time. noritoshi's hair was tousled from the soft summer breeze and he had a soft smile on his face, happily munching away on the snacks that were displayed on the table. while he looked friendly enough, you were wary of meeting and talking to him because you felt kind of queasy around the kamo family. you couldn’t quite place a finger on the feeling, the older members of the family intimidating you to no end. much to your dismay, you felt like you had to be watchful - your parents worked for the kamo family, so naturally the apartment you lived in was close to the estate. you avoided any run ins with the adults, they weren’t exactly friendly to you. noritoshi’s mum had befriended your mum and they spent a lot of time together when possible. and yet you’d never met noritoshi before, seeing how busy he was with his various classes.
the fit that you threw, not wanting to tag along with your mum, was long forgotten when you’d spotted the jar of cookies on the table. before your mum could react, you pulled your hand away from hers and quickly ran towards it. “hello miss!” you greeted enthusiastically, your eyes shining at the sight of the sweets. “my name is y/n! i’m here with my mum and i uhm… could i have some of the cookies? please?” when your mum finally caught up to you, she scolded you quietly and greeted the other two, taking a seat beside noritoshi’s mum. you pouted, immediately climbing on her lap as you refused to sit next to the boy. his mum handed you a cookie which you happily took and thanked her politely. noritoshi was curiously eyeing you; it wasn’t often that he saw other children around his age and he didn’t have any friends to play with. his everyday life revolved around reading books, studying, taking archery classes and sometimes spending time with his mum. noritoshi barely even knew what fun was - he’d only ever felt at peace when he was around his mum.
“y/n, sweetie, why don’t you go and play with noritoshi?” your mum prompted but you immediately shook your head, hiding your face in her chest. she simply laughed and shook her head, brushing your hair back softly. “come on, noritoshi is really nice. you can be his friend one day, right? didn’t i tell you that friends are important?”
you frowned. then huffed. when she worded it like this, there was no way you could refuse. the cartoon that you religiously watched featured a group of friends that went on adventures and helped each other out. you’d told your mum that you wanted to be like that too! begrudgingly, you slid off her lap and trudged towards noritoshi who looked at you with big eyes. you held your hand out, waiting for him to shake it. “my name is y/n. uhm… nice to meet you,” you shyly whispered, eyes darting away from him.
it took a while until noritoshi reacted, shaking your hand gently and answering: “hello y/n, i’m noritoshi.”
much to your surprise, noritoshi was actually fun to be around with. he showed you his collection of books, the bow that he was practicing with and you often played the card game you’d received for your birthday together. he was smart and witty, often explaining you things that he’d read in a book but he was also attentive when he listened to you ramble about the other kids in school or when you told him about the cartoon that you were watching. for you, noritoshi was becoming your best friend - for noritoshi, you were his first friend. he cherished you and how unabashedly true to yourself you were. spending time with you was something he looked forward to; you always made him laugh and you didn’t care whether he lived up to the kamo family name or not. to you, he was simply noritoshi. you were like a fresh breeze of air in his life.
noritoshi didn't quite understand why the elders were always so hard on him, so strict and unrelenting. they expected only the best results from him and didn't show any understanding when he exhausted. he didn't enjoy practice anymore, the lessons becoming a chore and burden on his mind. but whenever he saw your face light up at his newly acquired skills, he thought it was worth the trouble. you came to visit him everyday after school, never skipping a day. sometimes he questioned why you weren't visiting your friends from school but you shook your head, poking his chest indignantly. "you're my best friend, 'toshi. of course i'd want to spend more time with you." noritoshi was glad you always chose him, without fail.
even though your parents had always warned you to be careful around noritoshi because his family was strict and didn't like outside influences distracting the heir, you never really strayed from his side. noritoshi didn't have any other friends, who would keep him company or listen to his troubles then? you didn't understand why your parents were suddenly going back on their word. they'd always told you that family and friends were important. you couldn't pinpoint your feelings for him - but your parents saw it. it was obvious; the stars in your eyes when you looked at him, the slight blush on your cheeks when he complimented you and how happy you were when you got to spend time with him. the more time you spent with him, the more they were worried for you.
"'toshi!" you yelled in excitement as you ran towards him, waving wildly. he dropped his bow and turned to you, a soft smile gracing his lips as he opened his arms to hug you. you squeezed him tightly. two weeks you hadn't seen him due to a school trip after which you got sick and weren't able to leave the house. you'd missed him a lot and you were excited to show him the souvenirs you brought him.
"look, i bought you an omamori!" you handed him the small object, then pointing on your bag to show him the one you'd bought for yourself. "i got myself a matching one too! my teacher said it wards off evil spirits and brings you luck." noritoshi's smile was bright, so bright. he was happy you thought of him and were always kind to him. your eyes widened as he leaned in to kiss your cheek before thanking you. the two of you were blushing, neither saying a word but not minding what had just happened.
the day noritoshi's mother left the estate was the day you were slowly starting to lose him. noritoshi grew more forlorn and didn't seem to easily find joy in anything anymore. the departure left a deep, deep gap in his heart. it had shocked him deep to the core when she left him. him. why couldn't she stay? why did she leave him when she was the only person who protected him, loved him? she did say that she was hindering his growth but who was she to decide that? he didn't want to become stronger, didn't want to protect other people like she'd told him to. he wanted to stay with her. "'toshi? 'toshi!" a concerned voice broke through his trance, pulling him back into reality. "i asked you a question! you weren't even listening to me."
you were pouting at him, tugging at his sleeve impatiently. noritoshi apologized, patting your head to soothe your temper. "what do you want to do in the future? mum said it's important to work towards your dreams!" you asked him curiously, grasping his hand to hold it. the gesture filled him with indescribable warmth, drawing him in like a moth to the flames. "my mum said i have a special power, i can heal people! i want to become a doctor in the future, so i can help everyone that got hurt," you explained to him so earnestly that he felt bad for the lie he was about to tell. noritoshi didn't have big dreams or ambitions just yet. he didn't even know what would be suitable to him - he was strictly following orders, never allowed to think for himself.
but when he looked at you, he only had one wish. "i think… i think i want to help people, protect them. especially those that i love."
with each year passing, you noticed that noritoshi was putting more and more distance between the two of you. at first you'd brushed it off as the stress of his training and number of classes he was attending. but as you spent less and less time together, the weight of the situation didn’t escape you. he was easily irritable, cold and arrogant, often rude towards employees of the kamo estate. every now and then when you’d scold him for being an asshole, he’d simply scoff at you and haughtily ask you how it was any of your business. you sighed, tossing and turning in your bed as you thought about how much noritoshi had changed. it kept you up at night, just thinking about how he wasn’t your ‘toshi anymore. you didn’t know this person. ‘toshi was always gentle and kind, he tended to overthink many things and sometimes he was a little bit of a crybaby but you still loved him regardless. you sneaked out of your room, finally mustering up enough courage to ask your mother for advice. the thought of her discovering your blooming crush on noritoshi was scaring you. your parents were wary around the kamos despite working from them - even more so ever since noritoshi’s mother left and the elders had free reign over her son.
“noritoshi! noritoshi, stop walking away from me! hey, i’m talking to you!” you yelled frustrated as you were trying to keep up with him. noritoshi was crossing the garden in long strides, it was nearly impossible to stop him as you couldn’t catch up to him. you lunged forward, getting hold of his sleeve and tugged him back harshly. noritoshi yanked his arm out of your grip, glaring at you annoyed.
“what do you want from me? i have better things to do than to quibble with you,” he hissed irritated. you couldn’t believe him, he had the nerve to dismiss you like this when he was in the wrong?
“you know exactly what i want from you! you can’t just go around and talk to people like you did before just because they’re not from a reputable family! noritoshi, you’re not any better than them just because your last name is kamo.”
as much as noritoshi scared you, you stood your ground. you knew he didn’t take you serious, not with the amused look he gave you. in the past month or two, noritoshi was suddenly hit by a growth spurt - you barely reached his shoulder now and he took advantage of that to mock you, often treating you like an armrest. he pat your head condescendingly, pouting at you in fake regret. “aw, did i hurt your feelings? did i make itty bitty little y/n sad?” he mocked you, before abruptly grabbing your cheeks to make you look at him. “i don’t care what you think of me, cry all you want. i strongly suggest you hold that sharp tongue of yours if you know what’s good. know your place.”
tears filled your eyes; noritoshi had never talked to you this way. what has gotten into him? your heart broke in pieces, unable to take the pain any longer. you were no longer his equal but below him, much like everyone else.
“mum?” you cautiously knocked at the door of her study, waiting for her response. your mother was most likely still awake and dealing with paperwork like she usually did. upon hearing the affirmative noise she made, you flitted inside, closing the door behind you so your father didn’t catch any wind of this. it was already embarrassing enough and you were sure your mother could offer you better advice. you gingerly took a seat on the armchair, grabbing a pillow and hugging it close to your body. how were you going to approach this? hey mum, i have a crush on noritoshi and he’s weird to me now and i don’t know why? uh yeah mum, i caught feelings for the guy you warned me about and now i look like a fool crawling up to you like this?
“it’s about noritoshi, isn’t it?” your mother interrupted your stream of thought, spinning her swivel chair towards you.
“huh? oh no it isn’t, why would it be? i have-”
“y/n.”
“ugh okay fine, maybe it is about him,” you sighed defeated, of course she would look right through you. she always seemed to know what you were thinking, even when you hadn’t confided in her before. “but promise me you won’t judge me!” the look in your mother’s eyes told you that she was going to judge you regardless but you knew she meant well - she simply wanted the best for you.
“i- i just don’t understand why he’s been such a pain in the ass lately. and he’s been treating everyone like dirt too, including me! mum, he’s becoming someone else and i… i don’t know what to do,” you sniffled inconsolably, wiping at your eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. she wasn’t supposed to see you getting emotional. “he’s always busy and when we do get to see each other, he doesn’t want to spend time with me. what if he doesn’t like me anymore? and i don’t like how he’s treating you! it’s the same issue with the elders, they don’t know any human decency at all!”
your mother motioned you to scoot over a little and sat next to you, wrapping her arms around you and patting your back to console you. while she meant well, it accomplished the opposite - you broke down in tears, unable to stop your sobs. “i just want my ‘toshi back,” you whimpered upset, burying your face in the pillow to muffle the sound of you crying. “i know you didn’t like that i became good friends with him but i couldn’t help it and i just really like him and- you weren’t supposed to find that out.”
“sweetheart, i know you love noritoshi,” she handed you a tissue. “you let a lot more on than you were aware of; dad and me always knew you were in love with him.” as if on cue, your sobbing stopped and you just looked at her in disbelief. she knew. she knew. you wanted the earth to swallow you whole. “i think it was always pretty obvious, to be honest. you always looked at him as if he was your entire world and no matter what happened, you were always by his side. i know it’s hard to accept when a dear friend is changing but sometimes you just have to, right? both of you are still growing, there’s no way of telling how your personalities change.”
“but i don’t want him to change like this,” you protested stubbornly, glaring at her. she was talking about it as if it was a matter of simply discarding a bad apple in the trash. it wasn’t easy and it made you anxious. you grew up together, shared secrets and memories. he was the person you’d always looked up to.
“y/n.” your mother sounded stern but you didn’t back down, not yet. “is it really worth it? if a person is changing so rapidly and you’re not getting through to them, you’ll have to let it go. there’s only so much you can do. people grow apart sometimes, it’s only natural. you have to let go of them, temporarily, so you both can heal and grow. y/n, i know you’re being stubborn about this but you’ll have to let him figure things out on his own. fate has curious ways to bring people back together.”
when the time came, noritoshi left to attend the kyoto metropolitan curse tech school without telling you a word. you were disappointed, apparently you weren’t worth saying goodbye to. whatever his reason was, it must’ve been pretty important. important enough to forget the promise that you’d always stay in contact. you wondered whether he'd change again, for the better maybe? maybe you would reconcile when you could finally attend the school as well and train together. you were excited to show him your sword skills, having received your family's heirloom, an elegant steel blue sword. though your skills probably weren’t up to par with the other students, you still wanted to show them off, show him what you’d learned in the year that you spent apart.
noritoshi had changed but not for the better. holy shit, did he get on your nerves. the first time he'd practiced with you, you realized that he had mutated into an insufferable know-it-all. he would give you backhanded compliments or make snide remarks about your posture, how you were supposed to hold your sword, how inefficient your fighting style was. sometimes you wished you could just beat him for once and have him shut up. there was no denying though, noritoshi was way too strong and you had a long way to go. judging from the reactions of the others, barely anyone had beat him either.
and just like that, your feelings for him were buried. you’d taken your mother’s advice to heart, keeping conversations and interactions with him to a minimum but somehow noritoshi always found his way to you. he was everywhere and a quarrel was inevitable. noritoshi got under your skin and he knew how to push your buttons. why he chose to pick on you was beyond your comprehension; he didn’t pay much attention to the other students nor was he particularly liked by them. just how much was he going to get on everyone else’s nerves? out of all the second years, todo aoi was the most amicable; you had the (dis)pleasure to run into him on your first day and for some reason, he took a liking to you. while he was loud and boisterous, mostly doing whatever he wanted, you couldn’t deny that he was a good friend. even though he didn’t care about anyone as much as he cared about takada-chan. at one point, he’d looked at you in sympathy when he caught you staring at noritoshi, patting your shoulder (too forceful): “i’m sorry, y/n, i’m so sorry.”
you still didn’t know what he meant by that.
ps.: todo knows and he’s kinda judging you for your taste in men
#jujutsu kaisen#kamo noritoshi#noritoshi#noritoshi x reader#kamo noritoshi x reader#noritoshi kamo#noritoshi kamo x reader#noritoshi x you#kamo noritoshi x you#noritoshi kamo x you#noritoshi kamo imagines#kamo noritoshi imagines#jujutsu kaisen imagines#noritoshi imagines#fic: sanguine#writing#my writing has gotten SO incredibly rusty i literally only know how to write academic papers anymore bc that's all i do in my everyday life#it makes me speechless to see all the love on my previous sukuna fic and i'm so glad people are enjoying it#hey if you're lurking in the tags thank you for reading i really appreciate it! pls stay hydrated
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Ed, Edd n Eddy Series Bible (1996) -Analysis-
You can all finally read/download Ed, Edd n Eddy's official Series Bible right here! Thanks again to Chuckletons for sharing this with me and to Joey/Kongiscool0518 for sharing it in the first place, the Holy Grail of lost Ed, Edd n Eddy trivia!
One of the first posts I made for this blog was the Series Bible page. It was a composite of every source we had ever seen reference the series bible so far-- storyboarders in interviews, CN's old character guides, and the biggest source, an old CN UK posting about the show. Well, I figure now that we have the official source, I better update the old page (so everyone knows it's out of date), and make this new Series Bible post using the official source! Not much new information, but I was intrigued to finally learn the true phrasings of some things we had only heard paraphrased, as well as at least one detail from the movie that I couldn't believe came up this early in conception...
Unfortunately, Tumblr has apparently updated its post system to only let me add 10 images? Gonna try and only use images for what I need since you can read the actual document above, I guess I'll transcribe it too for easier reference and so we don't ever lose some archive of this.
Quickly, let's review what a series bible is:
A series bible is how creators pitch shows to networks. They can be called “pitch bibles” as well. Bibles do not usually get posted publicly, because they are initially under a strict Non-Disclosure Agreement by the network; also the creator may simply not wish to share it because it reflects the earliest stages of development.
The pitch materials typically include early concepts for characters, locations and episodes. Sometimes it exposes secrets, in this case, Ed and Eddy’s home lives, and sometimes the stuff in it is completely abandoned because it’s so early in production, in this case, casual references to school and adults.
Alright, everybody, it's time to gather 'round and read the Ed, Edd n Eddy Bible!
THE YEAR IS 1996.
YOUR NAME IS LINDA SIMENSKY. YOU WORK AT CARTOON NETWORK. A FRIEND OF YOURS, DANNY ANTONUCCI, IS WRAPPING UP A SHOW ON MTV. YOU GET THIS FAX.
Linda Simensky immediately fell in love with this concept because as a child, she was best friends with 2 other Lindas for seemingly no reason other than the shared name.
I love how Danny decided last second to pencil in the correct names over each Ed, since they're arranged out of title-order.
"They're friends because they have the same name."
-the Logline for the series.
Fun fact: one storyboard artist for the movie observed that the movie is essentially all about challenging the series' original notion that the Eds are friends ONLY because of their name.
"A Danny Antonucci Cartuna"
-the label Danny used to use under announcements of new productions.
PAGE 1:
Ed, Edd n Eddy
They're best friends because they have the same name.
A gag laden, beat generated CARTOON bumper car ride of 3 misfit youths on a cul-de-sac in the suburbs of America.
Through summer vacation, part-time jobs, or just hang'n out at the corner mail box, they want to belong....but CAN'T.
From home chores, helping neighbors or eating jaw breakers, they want to fit in...but CAN'T.
Ed is into "B" monster movies, model kits and is quick to break out into rashes.
Lots of luck...
Edd is into chemistry, biology and prone to crushes.
Later...
Eddy is into pranks, is stylish and flaunts himself to the world.
Ya Right...
Ed, Edd n Eddy is a show about confusion and contradiction, that awkward part of youth, pimples, big feet, oily hair and... girls???.
Puberty is unforgiving.
I was fascinated by the lack of art on this page, it makes the pitch feel very focused. AKA logo in the corner, the title logo again up top, then the logline appears again below.
I really love the breakdown of Danny's vision of the show. "Gag-laden, beat-generated, CARTOON bumper ride." Very accurate, and I think "beat-generated" is the phrase that interests me the most. I typically think of "animation beats" as sort of a give-in-- technically all things fit a rhythm, so all stories are essentially just a montage of beats. But this does make me realize how important the strength of the beats and their rhythm are to the pacing of a cartoon and making you feel like "that was a good one." I feel like the "seasonal rot" viewers feel over the course of a show, and the way that perception differs from person to person, depends on the type of beats you want. Even though I am very into the experimental beats of a show in its later seasons, I can definitely see how season 1's beats are more typically appealing to a wide-audience, and how important a focus on that is to the longevity of a show.
I found it really interesting how the scams are initially conceived of here as "summer jobs." It adds to the sense that adults were originally meant to be present. Honestly a little surprised nobody with access to this bible had ever thought to mention that-- scams are not referenced ANYWHERE. Their image in the Series Bible is that they have summer jobs and help neighbors, which is certainly a much cleaner reputation than the Eds ended up with in the show. Makes me realize though, were some of the early scams, like Ed's Hive Bee Gone and their newspaper routes, supposed to be leaning into this early idea of them with almost legit jobs for unseen adults?
I was very amused by the repeated phrase that the Eds simply CAN'T fit in.
Loved to finally see the official phrasing for the confirmation that Peach Creek is in America. Not much different than I was led to believe, but still nice to have the true quote.
Also love Eddy being described as "stylish and flaunting himself to the world." The bold-print reactions to each micro-description is a cute idea too, I truly wonder who we were meant to picture saying those things in reaction. Each Ed? Kevin?
The "corner mail box" is an oddly specific phrase-- the Eds do hang around mailboxes throughout the series, especially seasons 1-3, and I believe the canon map does have a corner mailbox, but the idea that the Eds hang out at one specific mailbox went the way of Bro's supposed secret treehouses.
PAGE 2:
Ed, Edd n Eddy
Show Description
Gag laden. True cartoon style, inventive, non parody, fast paced, stretch and squash
Beat driven. (even when characters stop they hold with a bounce cycle. Adults never bounce. Music can play important part, not just fill.) But not a musical.
Cartoon surrealism. (viewers see the show as Ed, Edd n Eddy would, less important things tend to blend into the background, while objects of Ed, Edd n Eddy's desires are focused. Premise driven.)
The school year's over, (yeah!!!!) and the long HOT summer vacation begins (gulp). What to do?
Stuck on a cul-de-sac in the suburbs of America is the last place you want to spend summer break, especially when you find life confusing and contradicting.
Ed, Edd n Eddy is about friendship, and serves to remind us that they're no "good ole days," just smelly runners.
You can tackle anything, when your with your pals.
Their days are spent, for knowledge, acceptance and some cash for jaw breakers. Armed with pimples, big feet and oily hair the three amigos trek into the unknown.
Ed, Edd n Eddy are dying to be grown-ups, but they're kids, and attack adulthood as only kids would. Simple situations turn into a manic rollercoaster ride. (Don't forget your barf bag).
They just want to belong, and they're willing to pull off any insane stunt to prove it. First they need to figure out what it is they want to belong to.
Found it interesting that on this page, the show's logo is replaced with the title written in a jumbled font. Seems like the font from the show's end credits.
Hehe, the continued reactions to the descriptions. Allow me to be Double D for a moment and point out the increased use of parentheticals on this page, as well as one wrong "your".
I love Danny's insight that season 1 is framed by the context of how hyped everyone still is just to be out of school, but also the sense of pressure to make use of their break.
I really appreciate Danny getting further into the details of his summary of the show's style on the previous page. It only makes sense that he had this much of a vision that early.
A second confirmation of the cul-de-sac being in America! I'm also really into the repeated focus on the Eds finding the world "contradicting." I always loved how EEnE's inexplicable cartoon antics supported that sense that the Eds are highly aware of contradictions in both societal things and the actual characters.
WOW, so I'm fascinated by this dual reveal. Before the wiggling outlines, which Danny usually calls a "boiling line" and describes as a tribute to wiggling inking in early animation, the series bible instead refers to him wanting the characters to do the iconic Fleischer "bounce," which is a much more commonly recognized rubberhose animation technique. Very interesting that Danny decided not to stick to that. Did it feel too out of place? Or was the overseas team not willing to animate a weight-shifting for every single held pose? Haha, guess I can see why boiling was an easier compromise. I wonder if he had any other ideas for how to make it more of a 1930s cartoon.
The other reveal to me here is that the movie's choice, that adults don't always wiggle in the show, was an idea from the very beginning! I guess I can better understand now why it's just too difficult to communicate a stylistic choice like that overseas-- no point making Bro not wiggle, that'd just create confusion.
Also, really disappointed that my wish for a musical is officially squashed in the series bible itself. That's a tragedy. The show's over, ya couldn't let me dream, Danny!? Conversely, I love Danny's forethought to say "non parody," I definitely noticed and appreciated EEnE's avoidance of derivative parody humor.
My spouse had to point out to me that Danny probably means sneakers here, lol. Canadianisms!
The comments about the Eds wanting to grow up but needing to figure out what they want to belong to are so great and relate to the movie so well. I've heard those comments before, but the correct phrasing was cool to see.
PAGE 3:
Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Ed in right corner)
Character Description
Ed
Attention deficiency syndrome.
He has trouble...
He can't....um...
OK, he draws all day in class.
When Eddy gets a bright idea...Ed's in.
Ed is easily talked into doing Eddy's "hard work". He has great physical strength.
Ed's happiest with his Model kits and B-monster movies. He draws his knowledge from his movies.
Ed smells. Flies are attracted to him.
Ed has sayings for all situations
ED: "you can change your shirt, and Bingo was his name..."
Ed's perpetually a slave to his younger sister's whims and whines.
Ed may have to baby-sit his sister, or let her watch whatever she wants on TV, or let her dress him up in mom's clothes.
Ed breaks out in Rashes. He's allergic to practically everything, especially Guinea Pigs.
Ed's Mom xerox's his sketches and doodles for her therapist.
Ed's Dad hopes to pass on to his son, his knowledge on "pre-owned" auto sales.
Very cute bit wasting the space at the top of the page. Danny seems very invested in Ed's personality already. The old sources we used to have definitely tried to condense these down to simpler blurbs.
Weird how Danny wants to essentially diagnose Ed with ADHD here (phrasing it very poorly, but it was the 90s and... Canada?). I don't know enough on the subject to debate it, but I still gotta point out Ed's canonical cracked skull!
Interested in the comment about Ed being most allergic to Guinea Pigs. I don't think that animal was ever even mentioned in the show. Eddy mentioned an old gerbil once....
Neat to finally have the real phrasing of the official word on Ed's parents! I saw someone comment earlier that this seems to be hinting Ed's Dad is selling stolen cars. I've never thought to question the legality of his apparent second-hand-car dealership (I imagined he works with Eddy's dad, who has received a legitimate award for his salesmanship), but those quotation marks are certainly making Mr. Ed's practices questionable! Best case scenario, Danny meant that more like italics or something, but maybe Ed's dad IS up to no good...
PAGES 4 & 5 (Ed's turn sheet and expression sheet)
PAGE 6:
Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Edd in right corner)
Character Description
Edd
is really smart.
is really quiet.
Edd is unnaturally-- polite.
Edd hasn't been allowed to take gym ever since the Dodge ball incident. He's been excused to free study time in the library.
Edd doesn't like it when people touch his things.
EDD: "You may enter in my room, but don't touch my Lego robot. Thank you."
Edd's learning to play Peddle steel guitar. (his Mom makes him)
Edd's prone to "crushes". Girls in School, in his neighborhood, TV, anatomy books. He mails "true loves" his socks.
Edd is always ready for action, even though he can calculate the implications.
Edd constantly mumbles.
No one ever sees Edd's parents. They both work nights. They communicate to their son solely through Post-it notes. Edd's not allowed to touch anything in the house while they're gone. Anything.
Interesting how Danny slightly differentiates the barely-used space at the top here from Ed's description, to characterize Edd as more quiet and mumbly, adding an awkward "--" mid-sentence, perhaps to create the impression that Edd halts to choose words carefully.
Everything on this page feels familiar, from the character guides and other old sources. The most interesting thing to me here is that Edd's Mom forcing him to practice Pedal Steel Guitar is established this early, don't think I knew that, but I had noticed that it existed in his room from ep 1.
I love how the explanation in the beginning for why Edd goes along with their dumb schemes even though he's smart is basically just "he's always ready for action." ?!? I guess in a way???
That weirdly phrased Edd quote amuses me because it references Lego, just like the original concept background for his room before somebody nixed the copyright-namedrop.
Edd's prone to crushes thing has been reaffirmed over and over in character bios even though it really doesn't come up outside of the cupid magic in HPH and the pilot-episode heart eyes at Sarah that are barely canon. Still, I've always loved the truly disturbing statement that he mails "his true loves his socks" and how that managed to make it into canon with a comic book example, a cel animation example and a digital era example.
PAGES 7 & 8 (Edd's turn sheet and expression sheet)
PAGE 9:
Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Eddy in right corner)
Character Description
Eddy
Exhibitionist.
Megalomaniac. (quote from his report card)
Eddy is the unofficial leader of the trio.
He's always got a plan, a stunt or a weird noise.
Eddy's the "class clown". He loves showing off. He loves being the centre of attention-- no matter how stupid the reason is.
Eddy is the only kid in his grade to have been expelled for aw hole week from school. It was his turn to set up the video for science class. He switched "Our Friend Yeast", for a video he "borrowed" from his parent's room.
Before Eddy's brother went....away, he enlightened Eddy with the "legends" of the neighbourhood. Eddy knows where all the abandoned tree houses are, which sewer pipers are safe to spelunk, and the secret recipe for the "El Mongo Stink Bomb" (it's been in the family for years).
He is the one who is most able to pretend that he knows it all... and doesn't care what anyone else thinks about him.
His genes are working the fastest.
Eddy's Dad is constantly concerned that Eddy may grow up to be a ...figure skater.
Eddy's Mom never believes his little darling was involved in such a heinous act.
Funny choice that Eddy's wasted-top-space is just two one-word descriptions, and allegedly lazily swiped from his negative report card.
Wow, we knew the report card quote and the "Our Friend Yeast" story from the UK show guide, but now we also know Ed's page says that Ed draws in class, and now I realize that Ed and Eddy have series bible school blurbs to match Edd's classic dodgeball incident blurb. Anyway, it's great that Eddy's showed his entire school some sort of sex video his parents have.
Very interested that the phrasing for the Bro/El Mongo Stink Bomb blurb even seems to suggest it's a family recipe. Eddy's Dad did have prankster stuff in his closet in JJJ... did Bro learn his prankster ways from Dad?? The neighborhood's secret tree houses have come up in other descriptions (at best, I'd say this could be related to that creepy shack the Eds found in the woods), but I think it's new info that Eddy personally learned the sewer routes from Bro. Interesting...
Thankfully, I had already heard about the Bible's awkward reference to Eddy being the most pubescent as "his genes are working the fastest," lmao.
Once again the Double D in me comes out to point out that the description of Eddy's Mom seems to switch to the Dad's pronouns.
PAGES 10 & 11 (Eddy's turn sheet and expression sheet)
PAGES 12-14 (Sarah, Jimmy, Rolf, Jonny, Nazz, and Kevin lineup of all 6, then 2 zoomed in lineups of the first 3 kids and last 3 kids)
(Funfact: the kids' designs were allegedly freelanced to an outside studio, hence why their refined later-season designs are so different from these lizardy starting places, lmao)
PAGE 15: (images of Sarah and Jimmy next to their blurbs)
SARAH
Ed's baby Sister.
It's her way or the Highway.
She has everything done for her, if NOT she'll "make" them do it.
She can be quick to judge.
Whinney.
A tatrum for every occasion.
More than a handful for Ed...or Edd and Eddy.
Thinks Edd is kinda cute.
Wants Eddy to MOVE...to another planet.
JIMMY
Sarah's best friend
He is always playing with girls, boys are just too tough.
He is accident prone, when ever we see him he has a different affliction, ie: band-aids, patches, casts, lumps...etc.
He is very clean.
The Ed's frighten him, "They're such brutes".
I'm surprised how much of the UK guide was accurate to what was really in the bible for them! Also surprised Danny misspelled "whiney" and "tantrum," one right after the other. Is this how Sarah spells them? ...Sorry, Danny, I yam what I yam.
PAGE 16: (images of Rolf and Jonny next to their blurbs)
ROLF
First generation of a landed immigrant family.
Nationality not important.
He's proud of his heritage.
He has peculiar traditions and/or customs.
He eats "weird" things.
He has hair on his back..... "yuck".
He confuses the Ed's to no end.
He confuses the other kids to no end.
JONNY 2x4
He is a wanderer and very inquisitive
From early morning to supper time, he is always outside playing, with his buddy, "Plank".
"Plank" is a wooden board that Jonny drew a face on with a crayon.
Jonny has wonderful conversations with Plank. ...Plank is a piece of wood.
Jonny makes himself very "accessible" to the Ed's.
Found it interesting that Rolf's bio is less clearly phrased than the UK bio set it up to be-- there they made it sound more like he mixes up who the Eds/kids are, here it's unclear whether it means that or (more likely) just means the obvious statement that everyone finds him confusing. If it's that, what a lame hollow bio Rolf got. This kid's based on you Danny, show some of that personal side!
Always loved Jonny's description, his life sounds so cute. Playing outside literally all day. Interesting to have it confirmed that Jonny drew Plank's face, I preferred to think the Eds drew him and sold him to Jonny, but whatever.
"Accessible" has always been an important vague description of Jonny to me. It really only applies to how chummy they could be with him in season 1, but it still sorta applies to his personality throughout the series as well.
PAGE 17: (images of Nazz and Kevin next to their blurbs)
NAZZ
She's cool, calm and assertive.
She is the most matured of the kids, or so she thinks.
She's into make-up and fashion magazines and Boys.
Sarah thinks she's awesome, wants to be just like her when she grows up.
When she enters a scene, all activity stops... boys freeze, they sweat, their hearts beat faster and faster. They lose their ability to talk. When she leaves, they recover and conclude it was something They ate.
She thinks the Ed's are funny.
KEVIN
He is cynical and sarcastic.
He thinks he knows the "routine". That's because he watches "60 Minutes".
It got a big laugh out of me that Kevin's description is only 2 sentences long. Nazz even has a more detailed character description from inception than Kevin. Love this for them.
Who's the Eds' rival? Well, he's cynical, sarcastic and he watches 60 Minutes, doesn't that tell you enough!?
I love the "mature... or so she thinks" remark about Nazz, a grounded flaw for her to have, being a little overcommitted to being mature like Eddy. It also perhaps suggests naiveté that makes it a little more reasonable that they didn't notice they were dumbing her down at the end of the series, but I do think the movie version of her better reflects the Bible's concept.
PAGE 18:
The Other Neighborhood Kids
Lineup of May, Lee and Marie.
The Kanker Sisters
These gals are tough. They bother, bully, provoke and bewilder everyone.
They live in a motor home park on the other side of the Cul-de-sac. The other kids have never been there.
They are proud of their Tammy Faye Baker memorabilia.
Their project "Cooking with Ketchup" closed down their school for a whole week.
No one likes them, especially the Eds.
They are determined to marry the Eds. They want them to do their dishes.
Amused that the Kankers are essentially being labeled backgrounds characters here, the role they mostly fell into in season 5. "Other" neighborhood kids...
I love that the Kankers have a school blurb to match each of the Eds', and that theirs has similar destructive-intentions to Eddy's video premiere story.
I believe all of this was all known from the UK guide as well, but still, neat stuff!
PAGES 19 & 20 (zoomed in Kanker lineup and their height chart with the Eds)
PAGES 21 & 22 (early promo art that used to be on CN's old Eds webpage, the art of the Eds eating jawbreakers at the end of ep 1 with the overhead text "Ed, Edd n Eddy love JAWBREAKERS!!!", and the art of the Eds all running with overhead text "Ed, Edd n Eddy see something shiny...."Jiggers." That weird "jiggers" statement at the end was normally edited out and I don't know what it means. Looked it up and it seems to be Chinook jargon (like when Ed said he was "skookum at X's and O's") usually said in the same sense as "CHEESE IT!")
PAGES 23+:
The rest of the pages in that bible download are from a 2004 storyboard test. The storyboard sample "It's Raining Eds," which we've seen some submitted samples of before, interpretations with Ed attempting to fly or chew gum and Edd making radioactive gum, I was surprised to find out the outline is just the original outline for the opening sequence to season 3's 'For Your Eds Only', seemingly Jonny was not written into the original outline (or was excised for easier testing purposes) but Kevin's brief cameo was. Now I wonder if they knew this would be used for a test when they wrote it, and if they would've come up with a less random way to include him if weren't forced to be a concise bit for testing's sake. (Your limit is typically 40 storyboard pages in my experience.)
I also noticed that in the included background references, the anonymous adult neighbor house next door to Ed's is officially just referred to as a "generic house."
My analysis ends here, but be sure to download that sometime and enjoy all the raw storyboard sketches at the end of the document!
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I need memes for the new boys. Meme me, Poppy. Meme me.
As always, I am ashamed at how well-equipped I am to answer this question...
Meme Fluent: Ash (Undergloom Sans), Ell (Horrorswap Papyrus), Sunny (Gastertale Sans)
Can At Least Ask Where The Bathroom Is In Meme: Brick (Horrorfell Sans), Nemo (Horrorswapfell Papyrus), Aster (Gastertale Papyrus)
Meme-blivious: Yrus (Undergloom Papyrus), King (Horrorfell Papyrus), Merc (Horrorswap Sans), Pitch (Horrorswapfell Sans)
Ash (Undergloom Sans): Very savvy and up on all the most popular memes, scrolling through memes is an activity very low on the ‘activity’ part and great for when he’s feeling a little too tired to do anything else. He’s very into tiktoks, which help him keep up to date on the latest meme songs-- some of which he might try to learn to play on his own. In general, he’s also into memes with funny or weird-looking animals (frogs, possums, axolotls, etc), no specific kind of meme, the presence of a goofy-looking creature in it is usually good enough to get a smile or a chuckle out of him.
Yrus (Undergloom Papyrus): Not all that up to date on the meme scene, he’s usually busy with other things... but! He really loves relatable memes, especially ones about procrastination or not being able to focus on work or having to do chores, everyday mundane irritations that everybody can relate to! He also thinks reading comprehension errors are great harmless fun (i.e., “my bad i thought u said moths”), just silly misunderstandings that make for confusing interactions until someone realizes.
Brick (Horrorfell Sans): Doesn’t always remember every meme, but he gets the gist of most of them. His favorites are the MS Paint memes, usually the more poorly drawn, the better (but a fan of pretty much every catcrumb image he sees, those chaotic little cats are great). He can also be caught laughing himself to wheezing and banging on the table over completely bizarre and out of context interactions--for some reason, they just hit right on the funny bone and he has no defense against them. (The ‘Nyquil Detroit Become Liquid’ post nearly killed him, but he would’ve thanked it.)
King (Horrorfell Papyrus): Not too interested in memes. He’s peripherally aware of them but rarely knows the latest trends or cares to know them. He does have a slight fondness for evil memes--ones about being evil or having an evil lair or just have the word ‘evil’ as an adjective in front of something else seemingly incongruous--he finds them silly and they can usually win at least a smirk out of him when he happens to come across one. If you want a laugh, though, find him some of those screenshots of old newspapers from the 30s-50s, formally written humor that still holds up even now (like The Windsor Star, Ontario, November 1, 1958, The Cincinnati Enquirer, Ohio, February 21, 1947, or Barnard Bulletin, New York, December 20, 1935). Sensible chuckles abound from those!
Merc (Horrorswap Sans): Not too into memery, he’s definitely got a lot of other things going on and isn’t always online. Still, he is a fan of stuff like one-time-i-dreamt and other accounts of peoples’ dreams or thought processes. He thinks it’s interesting, the little peek into the wandering, strange, and sometimes funny subconscious, or how people think about love and tenderness and nostalgia and remind others to appreciate those things, too. It’s a very niche, wholesome sort of enjoyment for sure... but not to worry! If you’re looking for something more mainstream and ‘haha funny,’ he also got very into the whole ‘Surprise! It’s cake!’ meme trend that was going on for awhile and is still delighted to find a video where a realistic object is cut into and turns out to be cake. He’s definitely going to make one himself, maybe as a social media marketing thing for his home business...
Ell (Horrorswap Papyrus): Very meme savvy and tends toward some of the maybe darker types of humor--stress and anxiety memes, introvert memes, et cetera. Animated text is a big one he likes, with enough of a mix of pessimist and optimist memes that he doesn’t come away from checking it actually bummed out or feeling bad, a fine line to walk to be sure. He also likes coding and programming humor! He’s still kinda teaching himself, so he definitely doesn’t get them all, but it gives him a little sense of accomplishment and community when he does, which he really likes.
Pitch (Horrorswapfell Sans): Not interested in memes, and a lot of them are heavily based on visuals which, unfortunately, he’s going to miss the context. Still, he does get a hell of a kick out of brazen and blatant misinformation--the smooth sharks post, facts-i-just-made-up, and the like--and finds it hilarious when someone insists something that is obviously untrue, especially if a lot of people aren’t getting the joke and are trying fervently to convince them of their wrongness. He’s also a little bit evil, so whenever he learns a new piece of whatever slang is popular and in at the moment, he’s going to use it incorrectly, or use outdated slang to induce cringe in those around him. ‘Totes yeet yo’? Yes. ‘That is so pog, as the kids say’? Of course. ‘It’s lit, fam’? Definitely, who do you take him for? The cringier, the better, he revels in the discomfort of others when he throws one of those babies out.
Nemo (Horrorswapfell Papyrus): Definitely knows a little bit about memes, not always the latest trends but his base knowledge is pretty good, and of course has his favorites. He loves John Mulaney references and reaction images, they just Speak to him, y’know? Outside of that, he’s very fond of day-of-the-week memes, Tuesday Again?, Out of Touch Thursday, Fat Fuck Friday and so on. Aside from being a useful reminder of what the hell day of the week it is, he likes the consistency and recurrence of it, just a silly little moment to look forward to at some point like, “oh yeah, it’s el muchacho monday, nice!”
Sunny (Gastertale Sans): Pretty wise to the meme scene overall, loves the fun and creativity of it all. If you want him to absolutely lose his shit, though, show him a terrible picture of an animal--by which I mean, poorly photoshopped, blurred, in mid-panoramic, as long as the end result is an absurd or very screwed up image. Why are things like ‘buff half cat’ and ‘dog but very, very long’ his sense of humor? He has no idea, but the worse it looks, the harder he laughs. He has a bit of a fondness for ‘gotcha’s too, like a Rickroll but really anything where you go into it expecting one thing, and get trolled by receiving something else. (If Megalovania memes were a thing in his universe, he would be all over them, if that gives you an idea of the kind of gag he thinks is funny!)
Aster (Gastertale Papyrus): Aware of memes, but not all that invested in them. He likes corporate and office/business memes a lot-- the kind that roast bosses and unnecessary meetings, translate ‘polite’ corporate phrases, anything to do with emails--because they can be very relatable. He also likes seeing screencaps of people on Facebook or Twitter getting dragged for misinformation, or trying to act like a pompous jerk and getting shredded (for legitimate reasons of course, not just random unprovoked cyberbullying). He...may be involved in a bit of that sometimes himself: he may not be working in a scientific field, but he is half of a scientist, and just petty enough to spend a few hours of his free time looking up and reading through a few credible sources to cite in a strong and well-crafted rebuttal argument if someone is being especially, dangerously wrong about something. Not everyone has the time and resources to do it, so why shouldn’t he? 😇
#undertale#sans#papyrus#headcanons#undergloom#ug!sans#ug!papyrus#horrorfell#hf!sans#hf!papyrus#horrorswap#hs!sans#hs!papyrus#horrorswapfell#hsf!sans#hsf!papyrus#gastertale#g!sans#g!papyrus#kunabee
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𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 | 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢 𝐒𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, one-shot
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 6.7k
𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐨𝐧: Ao3, Wattpad
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: post-time skip, aged-up characters, implied/referenced sex, sensitive topics(?)
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: This is a kind of “interactive” one-shot. At some point, you’ll find the link for the playlist I’ve created for the story. It’s not mandatory, of course. The songs are mentioned and their lyrics are quoted anyways.
I tried to keep the reader as gender-neutral as possible, I hope it works.
To be honest, I wrote the first half of this one-shot at 3 am after a very deep conversation with a friend of mine about struggling with self-love as “young adults”. It wasn’t meant to be public but I felt like sharing it. I hope this will help or at least cheer you up as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Lastly, italics when Daichi sings/for the lyrics and English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes!
Thanks for reading this, Laurelle.
---------------------------------
Taxes, laundry, rent, bills, grocery shopping, bank accounts, job interviews. These were just some of the things whose thought alone made you already shiver. Adulthood and the multiple responsibilities that had come with it scared the shit out of you, at times it completely fucked up your sleep schedule, and put your sanity at stake, but at least you weren’t alone in this. At least, you had Daichi.
You two had faced college together, one at each other’s side, and now you were again together in that new chapter of your life called adulthood.
By then, you two had been living in that little, yet cozy apartment for a few months. The Karasuno team had lent you a hand by making the move less hard, unpacking boxes and decorating the empty shelves with an unnecessary amount of frames, random objects, and souvenirs from their trips. All of this as Daichi was training at your hometown’s Police Department and as you were trying to find your place in the world, between part-time jobs and “real” job interviews.
The new routine was dull, draining, at times even overwhelming. The closer you were getting to make your dream life come true, the more your daily life felt like a nightmare. The more you felt tired, unmotivated, ultimately empty. And you couldn't help but wonder if that was really worth it anymore.
You started to slowly give up on your hobbies and passions, to spend your free time on the new couch, just spacing out, and to eventually forget about yourself. You didn’t want to sound too pathetic but life seemed to have lost its flavor. At that point, it just tasted like disinfectants and instant noodles.
Those fucking instant noodles … You thought as you looked at yourself in the mirror that evening. None of your planned outfits for that night fitted anymore, none, and at the sudden realization, that familiar smell of instant noodles rose inside your nostrils. But instant noodles weren’t really the point. Your outfits not fitting anymore wasn’t the point either. That you in that mirror was the point. That stranger. That empty shell.
The familiar boomy sound of keys twisting inside the front door’s lock, a click, and Daichi was finally home.
“I’m baaack” You heard him say - almost yell - and then saw him coming inside the kitchen to greet you.
“May I have a kiss?” He shyly asked, placing his hand on the small of your back, drawing little circles to get your attention.
“Sure,” You turned your head for a quick, soft peck on his lips, then got back to your chore.
“Still in your PJs, babe?” He commented, his voice small, clearly weakened by his long, draining day at work.
By that time, you were supposed to be ready to head out, but something in the process went wrong. On the other side of the city, a nice restaurant - highly suggested by Michimiya sometime before - was waiting for you and Daichi to arrive in twenty minutes.
“Yeah… I have to finish cooking these for tomorrow before we head out…” You murmured as your words fell down to the pot beneath you.
That wasn’t a lie, but in all fairness, you were only trying to avoid the truth. Little did you know you were about to experience what living with a future detective really meant.
Besides his professional deformation, when it came to you, Daichi never failed to sense when something was off. Even just from a slight change of your tone. He was so used to your voice that the most insignificant variation of its sound seemed to conceal a tiny, secret message only for him to decipher.
Anyways, you kept looking down, your mind somewhere else, your eyes still lost in the little fog coming from the pot. You still didn’t dare to look at him, which was rather unusual. Strange. Kind of suspicious.
Daichi rocked his head in your direction, trying to find other tangible clues for that particular case he wasn’t expecting to face once at home. Yet nothing was really out of place, except that gloomy aura all around you. Therefore, he decided to just play it cool for the moment and let you be.
Maybe he was overthinking. Maybe he was just being paranoid. The only thing that really mattered was that night to be perfect for both of you.
It wasn’t a special occasion or else, just Daichi’s first free evening after a whole month of night shifts. And in addition to that, that dinner had been meticulously planned the previous week. Nothing could have ruined it. Nothing.
Yeah, he was just being paranoid, for sure. Nothing to worry about.
Daichi moved away from you and walked towards the front door again. Then, he plugged his phone on the little speaker at the entrance and played the playlist you two loved to blast whenever you were at home, cleaning the house, or just swinging from a room to another.
And that was when everything got even more suspicious in Daichi’s perspective.
The first song came on (“Come Through and Chill” by Miguel, J.Cole, Salaam Remi ), the little bass drums slowly filling the room, vibrating from wall to wall, gradually reaching your feet through that old wooden pavement. And yet, you stayed completely still.
Suspicious .
“Everything ok?” He casually asked you from a distance, putting the phone back down on top of the speaker.
“Yeah, good, good. You?” You mumbled, trying to hide your words under the rhythm.
Even more suspicious .
It wasn’t only your voice, but your posture, your face, just your aura that seemed so… Different. Even though you two hadn’t been living together for long at that point, he could simply tell what looked ordinary and what not. You knew each other and dated since college, which at that point meant years of studying the other up close, not only as partners but firstly - and mainly - as friends. Two best friends always looking out for one another. Those had been years of sincere trust and affection.
Funny thing was that neither of you could imagine that a casual encounter in a cafè would have taken that turn. But Suga knew. And Asahi too. Everybody knew, except you two.
One morning, the vending machine of your department was out of order, and that was just the tenth curveball of that day. It’s not even thirty past eight and I already want to go back to sleep , you sighed, walking outside the campus, looking for a cafè or something.
As fate would have it, the tiny, little-known coffee shop you found right behind the corner was Asahi’s workplace, which brought both Suga and Daichi to have their breakfast there every single morning.
Your first time there, your order was mistaken with Daichi’s, one thing led to another, and after a while, you two started hanging out frequently. Then even more consistently. Then no Asahi or Suga around. No coffee shop. Study sessions at his place. Then at your place. A movie night that actually looked and felt like a proper date. And eventually, that friendship blossomed into something else, something pretty serious.
You didn’t even realize when or how that happened, it just felt right. You two didn’t even have a real “date” for when your relationship had begun. For the sake of simplicity, you both used to count from your first kiss, both aware that whatever you two shared had started even before that, even that morning in that tiny, little-known coffee shop.
That was the type of love that comes easily, without warning, silently tiptoeing into your life.
Back in your apartment, once freed from his jacket, Daichi made again his appearance at your side, now wearing a playful look and about to hit his favorite line of the lyrics. He almost made you startle.
“Hello, stranger… It's been a minute since we last kicked it” He sang and swung around you, positioning himself right behind you to wrap you in a warm hug. Then, gingerly nestling his head in the curve of your neck, he breathed against your skin, “Now that I’m home, I’m all good… ”
Bear hugs were Daichi’s thing and also your not-so-secret Achilles’ heel, for sure. So, you just leaned in his embrace and welcomed his familiar, calming scent. But still, you didn’t have the courage to face him.
Very, very suspicious .
Your oddly detached behaviors made his brow pinch and his mind wander as he left soft pecks all over your jaw and neck. No reaction , Daichi thought, taking mental notes of your actions.
At that point, he gave you one last, gentle kiss, this time on your shoulder, right where the hem of your shirt met your skin, and then silently made a step back. Daichi’s first thought was to temporarily let you be. A quick shower and a change of clothes were very much needed after that long day. He thought he still got time to unravel your mood.
Still focused on the pot, you heard him tell you, before disappearing in your bedroom, “I’ve been thinking about tonight all day, love. I literally can’t wait to try this restaurant!”
You felt a knot in your stomach.
Why was it so hard for you to simply tell him? To simply put into words how you felt? You knew he would have understood, you knew how sensitive Daichi was, especially when it came to you. But to look so needy, so lost in his eyes made you feel just weak. Not vulnerable, not emotional, just a weak person in need. And the last thing you wanted was to look or feel like a burden to Daichi. You knew how stressed and overworked he was. That was a pretty tough period for you both and you felt like you had no right to complain. Daichi never did, and all you wanted was to be as strong as he was.
It didn’t take much for Daichi to be ready, all cleaned up and dressed for the occasion. Nothing too elegant or pretentious, he was a very casual type of guy even when it came to clothes, but that was still your night. A little more effort won’t hurt , he thought as he picked his outfit, preferring a classic, white, button-up shirt to his favorite sweater - his safe choice whenever he didn’t know what to wear.
He just wanted to look good that night, to look good for your eyes only.
Right when “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee started, Daichi’s unmistakable cologne stood above the food’s thick smell coming from the pot. You immediately turned around.
He looked handsome, as always. The view made your belly twitch again.
“Hey hon, remember that time we went to see Spiderman with Suga, Asahi, and Kyoko?” He started to speak, crossing the room with slow strides in your direction.
“You fell in love with this song on the spot. Oh my god, I think you blasted it in the car at least ten times on our way back...” He said wrapping his arms around your waist again, making you turn and trying to initiate a slow dance with you.
“I know you’re scared of the unknown, you don’t wanna be alone” He sang, “I know I always come and go,” The lyrics hitting way too close to home, “But it’s out of my control”
At that point, he held you tight, roaming his big, callous hands all over your back as he glanced at the pot from above your shoulder.
“That looks delicious, babe. Can’t wait to eat it tomorrow. I just know it tastes as good as it looks…”
There he was again, being all supportive and loving no matter what. So damn cheesy, he could have made someone sick. But not you.
You weren’t much of a chef yourself and you knew it, but you tried your best. And Daichi appreciated it a lot. He was so proud of you, always so blindly proud. He was undoubtedly a better chef than you were, but he still left you space to experiment and try out new things.
You never thought you could enjoy cooking that much, but probably Daichi being a foodie played a role in that. A foodie, well, possibly the biggest foodie you knew. The thought alone of food could make him insane, let’s say slightly irrational like he wasn’t functioning normally.
That was at the beginning when you both had all the time in the world to even plan a food competition and invite all your friends over to eat and vote for your plates. In the beginning, when that apartment’s walls were still white and bare, when the only furniture you owned was an old red couch and several boxes with all your things still packed inside. In the beginning, when there were way fewer things to care about in your daily routine.
“It’s ready, I guess. I should turn off the stove… ” You mumbled against his chest, then turned around still sweetly trapped in his embrace.
“Then you’re left in the dust… mhmhIdon’trememberthewordsmm” He kept singing behind your back, “ You’re the sunflower, I think your love would be too-”
When the little flame disappeared under the pot, a sharp sigh accidentally left your mouth.
“Daichi…” You breathed, squeezing his right hand still gently pressed on your belly.
Daichi .
You rarely called him by his first name. You’d usually go with “love” or “babe” or whatever sweet name came into your mind at that specific moment. Daichi . “Daichi” was something like a safeword, a code for “I’m dead serious right now”, “Your mum is calling” or, like this time, “Something is wrong”.
At that signal, the Karasuno’s former captain knew exactly what to do as if a ball had just flown past an invisible volleyball net right in front of him. That was just the confirmation he needed to make his move.
Living together, making a long-term relationship works, sticking together regardless, all of these for you both were based on the little things you started to learn about one another. Most of the time failing but never giving up on the other person. And this, this was one of those “little things”.
Daichi .
Wordlessly, he went straight to his phone and turned down the music at its lowest, the songs just a light, almost unperceivable background. You turned in his direction, watching him attentively, in silence, until he beckoned you to follow him.
You did as told and walked with him towards the living room, where he guided you to sit on the couch, your right hand gently secured in his.
He sat down on his heels, right in front of you, and waited, waited for you to say something, giving you all the time you needed to process your thoughts.
Minutes passed, the music still softly playing in the background.
Spendin' all my nights alone, waitin' for you to call me
You're the only one I want by my side when I fall asleep
Tell me what I'm waitin' for
Tell me what I'm waitin' for
I know it's hard but we need each other
(“SUGAR” by BROCKHAMPTON)
When you lifted your gaze to meet his sweet eyes, like two big, dark chocolate nuggets, you still didn’t know what to say. Automatically, his lips parted to catch your attention.
“Love,” His voice so tender it literally broke your heart to keep that facade any longer.
Your lips puckered, your nostrils widened, your eyes got unexpectedly watery until the first of many tears started to run down your face. When your head fell forwards, hiding between your hands, Daichi immediately got you. His arms circled your frame, welcoming you against his chest as you kept weeping noisily.
Daichi stayed silent, his head pressed against your shoulder, moving in sync with each of your sobs.
“Let it out, babe, don’t hold it back.”
At those words, your weeps only seemed to get worse to the point you didn’t know anymore why you were crying in the first place. Maybe you just needed to let it out, to rest, and let yourself get lost in Daichi’s embrace. His warmth felt like home and it was so comforting that after a while you finally cooled down. Nothing was wrong anymore, you were safe and sound.
“When you’re ready, I’m here to listen.” He whispered.
You nodded against his skin, then drew back, revealing your puffed and reddish face. He immediately stood up and walked towards the kitchen. Once back, he kneeled again in front of you and handed you tissues and a glass of water.
“Thanks,” You murmured and then blew your nose.
Daichi just stared at you, his eyes wandering all over your figure as you shrugged and sighed. You opened your mouth only to close it a second later. You didn’t even know where to start. Your bottom lip quivered, you felt like you’re about to cry again.
“What’s going on, love?” His voice small and tender.
You sighed again and gave a quick look to the clock behind him. It was almost time to leave. Actually, at that point, you were already late. Your eyes found his again and a thought occurred to you. He looked so happy until a moment before, singing and dancing, all dressed up, ready to leave and try that restaurant. But now there he was, all worried for you, down on his knees, not caring if that position was messing and creasing his shirt.
“It’s really nothing. Just had a bad day. I should go get-” You tried to stand up, but Daichi’s hands stopped you right there, pinning you down again.
“Are you sure, that’s just it?”
You couldn’t physically bring yourself to lie to Daichi. Not even for the smallest things. Not even for a white lie.
“To be honest, I don’t really feel like going out tonight…”
His eyebrows twitched. First clue unlocked.
“That’s fine. Let me just give them a call-”
“No, no. There’s no need. We should go anyway. It’s really nothing.”
Daichi was never really fond of you being difficult, he’d rather prefer you being straightforward. But sometimes, your pride overtook you. Nevertheless, that was not the right time to point out you were being too stubborn, so he just reassured you, saying,
“Listen, it’s up to you, babe. Your wish is my command, you know that, right?”
Daichi was always so kind. From time to time, you even believed he was way too good for you. Too good, it’s almost unfair , you thought.
“Really, it’s nothing… I’ve been thinking about tonight all day too. I couldn’t wait to finally spend some time with you…”
He giggled, your sweet tone instantly reassured him, “You know we can always stay at home and just watch a movie, right? Just tell me if you don’t feel like going out and I’ll call the restaurant right away.”
“Well, it’s not that… I… I…” You sighed. You really were being too difficult that time. “To be honest, I don’t know what-” Your voice cracked, “I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Daichi leaned closer and kissed your forehead, then stood up and grabbed his phone. From a distance you clearly heard him talk to someone, apologizing and saying something else you didn’t quite catch. The restaurant , you thought. You instantly walked towards him and tried to oppose, but Daichi politely hushed you and just hung up.
“Why did you do that?” You asked him.
“Cause it seems like you can’t decide right now. The restaurant can wait, really, but whatever is going on with you cannot. And now, if you want to tell me more about it I’m here, if not I’ll just let you be, or if-”
You grabbed his hands, stopping him. Your head swung from side to side as you collected your thoughts.
“It’s just that… I don’t know where to start.” You said and plopped yourself down on the couch.
He softly asked you when that started, if you remembered what little event had possibly triggered your current mood, and suddenly the right words found their way out of your mouth.
It had just been one of those everything-goes-wrong kinds of days, no rest, and too many things to do that eventually you found yourself already in front of the closet without even realizing it. Your eyes were drained and unfocused after all those hours in front of your laptop, working, sending emails, and stuff like that. Your stomach was aching and bloating after eating the previous night’s leftovers. Your legs were sore. Your mind was blank, empty, and at the same time also full of imprecise thoughts about work, what you needed to do before heading out, the dinner, the clothes, that mirror right in front of you.
You described to him this confused overwhelming sensation you had been experiencing for the previous months and all along Daichi was carefully listening to you, nodding and humming. From time to time he tried to comfort you, saying that it was quite understandable since you both started a new, complicated chapter of your lives since there were so many things to be settled and done, etc. He even apologized if he had accidentally neglected you in some way. He was so stressed and focused on work, he barely noticed what was going on with you. But you didn’t seem to listen to his words. Every single time you just replied with the same anxious thoughts you had already said before.
At some point, Daichi interrupted you, saying, “Babe, look at me and be honest,” then grabbed your hands and looked straight into your still reddish eyes, “Do you want me to listen … Or do you want some advice ?”
That was a thing Daichi had learned with time, not only from you but also from his experience as a captain. Sometimes people just need to vent, some other times to be taken by the hand and helped, but there are also other times when people may even need both.
You sighed. “Both I guess?”
He hummed and kept listening at other incoherent stuff you mumbled next about yourself, your image, your perception of yourself, “And that damn outfit! I’ve been thinking about it all day! It was my only option and it didn’t work! I looked terrible, I could barely stand my reflection in the mirror… Why do I have to feel so miserable about a damn outfit?! And then I put my PJ back on and I thought I looked like a fucking cartoon! I wanted to hide under a blanket and just disappear… I must sound delusional right now…”
New clues unlocked.
“No, absolutely, you’re not delusional, love. But... Let me ask you this. What is really bothering you? How you look or how you feel ?”
You tilted your head and pondered his question. At that moment you realized you had never thought about it that way before. How I look or how I feel… , you kept thinking for a while.
However, you still weren’t able to unravel that truth, therefore you just kept rumbling about those stupid clothes not fitting you anymore for another solid couple of minutes.
Daichi chuckled.
“That just means you need to do more shopping, babe,” He pointed out and leaned in to pepper your neck with soft kisses. You couldn’t help but giggle as his kisses alternated with random names of your favorite shops where you two could have gone to the next day to buy something. But eventually, you lightly pushed him away, not because you really wanted to but... Something wasn’t still quite right and you didn’t know what it was. That made you feel ultimately uneasy.
Daichi drew back on his heels, his hands still on your sides, sweetly caressing your hips. He stayed there and just contemplated you as your mind spun around and other vague thoughts piled up in your head.
“So, is there something else?” He softly asked.
“I guess so… It’s not about the clothes. I think it’s me. I look so different and I feel so different, I can barely recognize myself.”
“Love, you have so many things to do, I know it’s hard to find time for you to eat clean or be active. Maybe I should propose less pizza and stuff—”
“No, no, babe, it’s not you... I just feel awful about myself.”
“You feel , but you’re definitely not. I guarantee you that.” Daichi immediately comforted you.
“You know the saying, love is blind…” You tried to joke around.
“It sure is. I could love you with my eyes closed, but even with my eyes wide open, I can’t see anything wrong with you.”
Daichi’s love confessions were sappy at their core, but his voice was always so direct and honest they always sounded like facts. And they never failed to catch you off guard. Daichi used to be shy and awkward in the beginning of your relationship. He was constantly blushing hard and messing with his sentences whenever it came to talk to you. However, with time, his affection and ways started to be so sincere and straightforward you didn’t even know how to contradict him or how to even say anything back.
“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes…” His tone suddenly painted with melancholy, “Then you could see how beautiful you are, how precious, how…” He felt it too. He felt he was getting too emotional, so he tried to take the edge off, coming back to his goofy side. “No, no. Rewind. You might end up dumping me. Nah nah, not gonna happen!” He muffled, hiding his head against your belly, curling up with his torso over your lap.
You couldn’t help but laugh. You loved him so much.
“Jokes aside,” He said, lifting his head and looking up at you. “Tell me, babe, is this really such a big deal? Because if it bothers you to this point, you should think about it more carefully... Can I help you in some way?”
“Honestly, I-I don’t know how you could help me,” You confessed, “I feel like I’m not taking care of myself, but I also lack motivation to actually do something about it. It’s a dog chasing its own tail, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I get it… Well, I could encourage you, first. But then I could also help you and try to do things with you, like…” He thought about it for a couple of seconds. “What if I call Tanaka? He's a personal trainer but he also knows a lot about nutrition. He may suggest something delicious but fast and healthy for us to cook. It could be beneficial for both of us. We have been literally eating our stress away recently. You know what, I feel bloated too…” Daichi added and then proceeded to touch his tummy.
You lightly pushed him again and started to shower him with compliments. You couldn’t wrap your mind around the fact that Daichi could ever possibly be insecure about himself. He was… Daichi. He was just perfect.
He smirked at your reaction and got closer to shut your mouth with a sudden, deep kiss.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He whispered, just an inch away from your lips.
“Sure, what is it?” You said almost laughing. A secret?
“Ok, look at my pants,” Daichi said, drawing back until he stood up, right in front of you.
“Yeah, I’m looking at them and they look really good on you-” You started to say and tried to make him spin around to point out how good he looked in those dark pants. That was actually your favorite pair, you loved the way they highlighted his muscular legs, how- But he stopped you right there.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ok, thanks, but have you noticed that I’m not wearing any belt? And actually haven’t worn one in a while?”
You frowned. Where is he getting at?
“And you know why? I don’t really need one anymore. These pants stay up regardless,” Daichi confessed, giggling, “What I mean is… Look, you still like how they fit me. I still like how they fit me. I just know that you would like them even in another size. I would like them as well.”
You just stared at him, quietly pondering his words.
“Anyways, the pants are not the real point. These are just pants. Those things that didn’t fit you aren’t the real point either. You see what I’m trying to tell you?”
You did. You got what he meant, but you were still doubting yourself somehow. Because, in your mind, not fitting your old clothes was just the result of something that slipped out of your hands as you struggled to take care of anything else, except yourself. It wasn’t about your weight or the clothes, it was about losing track of yourself in the process.
“You think I’m perfect while I may, well, I am certainly not. Same goes for you. None of us is perfect, never been, never will. We are just us,” He got closer and sweetly brushed your hair behind your ears, “But for me, in my eyes, you are. And apparently, I’m too in yours. And that’s all that matters.”
Again, just straight facts.
Also, whenever he gave you one of his motivational speeches, he really looked like a captain. You could vividly picture the scene in your head, his teammates carefully listening to him, hanging off his words, right before an important match or even just a regular training session.
“I know it’s extremely cheesy to hear, but it’s also the truth. You’re perfect just the way you are and you’ll always be to me…” His voice small as he kneeled again in front of you. “Even now. Even if you feel lost. The you you’re looking for is still there, it’s not going anywhere. You just need some time and patience to find yourself again.”
You immediately cupped his face, about to tell him something, but before you could spell a single word, he whispered,
“But… But if this is a problem, something you want to change or improve, something you need some help with, then let’s do it, let’s do it together. No. Better. Let’s do it right now!”
Daichi immediately stood up and ran back to the kitchen, where you used to keep your little notebook. Once back, armed with a pen and unmovable willpower, he sat down again and opened the agenda on your lap. Going through your schedule, he noticed how packed it was, pages and pages filled with appointments and notes, but that didn’t scare him.
“Mmm… So, here’s the plan. Our lunch breaks on Monday and Friday look pretty long. We could… Meet at the park. You know, the one right after the supermarket, down the street-”
You nodded, showing him you were following him.
“We could jog a little and then eat something together! That way we’d see each other, have some fun and do something good for our health too… I know jogging doesn’t actually sound much fun, but I swear we’ll have a good time, babe. What do you think?”
Your lips curled upwards into a soft, little half-moon. You couldn’t say no to that.
“Sounds like a plan…” You simply commented.
He looked relieved and then added, “Also, remember that lunch at my mum’s next Sunday? Why don’t we just skip it and go somewhere fancy, like a spa-”
“But we promised-” You tried to object.
“Babe, I know, I know, but we can go some other time. She’ll understand.”
“Okay…”
“It’ll be beneficial for both of us, for real. To be honest, I think I’m this close to a breakdown too,” He laughed.
“You’re right, we should definitely go… You know, I was also thinking about joining some sort of club. I feel like I don't have a hobby or a passion anymore. It’s always work, work, work, the apartment, work, work, work. I feel so… Arid? Mentally. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah… Me too, I was thinking the same exact thing this morning actually… Maybe I should join a volleyball team again. Nothing serious but like a team to play with, just once in a while-”
Your eyes widened, “Oh God! Yes! Absolutely! You should definitely do that, love!”
Daichi nervously chuckled. He wasn’t expecting such an enthusiastic and energetic reaction from you, not after having seen you so blue and distant since he had come back home.
You loved seeing him playing volleyball. You still remembered vividly the times you used to sneak a peek at his practice and matches during college. The first time you saw him playing, all sweat and absorbed in the game, you did a double-take. He looked so hot.
“Alrighty, I’ll definitely think about it… Don’t worry, love, we’ll figure something out.”
“As we always did…” You added, shyly smiling at him.
That situation made you wonder. Life could be hard at times, but if you had the right people around you to rely on, to fight with, or simply talk to, it didn’t seem like that tough anymore.
“Yeah…” He smiled back and instinctively leaned forward to hug you tightly as you welcomed his frame against your chest.
After a few silent minutes, you muffled against his shoulder, “Thank you… I don’t even know how to tell you how thankful I am right now… ”
And in all fairness, there wasn’t much else to add.
“You could start by being less hard on yourself, love,” Daichi said, still pressed against you, “You’re doing so great…”
“You’re way too good to me.” You murmured back, your voice slightly above a whisper.
At your words, he brushed his head from side to side against your shoulder, silently disagreeing with your affirmation. He was just as good to you as you deserved.
Right at that moment, “Best Part” by Daniel Caesar and H.E.R. came on and Daichi thought that there couldn't have been a better time than that for that specific song to start.
He drew back from your hug and guided you to stand up with him, then walked backward to reach the center of the living room, his eyes still fixed on you.
“Siri, turn up the volume!” He ordered his phone to do as he took you in his arms.
You simply stared at him and followed his actions, like a puppet under his spell. His arms welcomed your figure and your fingers locked, your two bodies perfectly molded one against the other as you slow-danced to the rhythm, allowing yourself to utterly enjoy that moment.
A strange feeling warmed your belly, like an overwhelming wave of happiness was overtaking all your senses. Your mouth instinctively opened to shower Daichi with random compliments, words of gratitude, and all sorts of sweet nothings. He loved to be praised by you but after a while he tried to playfully hush you, holding you even tighter and whispered next to your ear a line of that song that seemed to be written right for you. Better, right for him to sing it for you.
“I just wanna see how beautiful you are, you know that I see it, I know you're a star. Where you go I follow, no matter how far. If life is a movie, oh you're the best part…”
The music eventually faded and an hour later you and Daichi were once again in your bed, curled up in your sheets, as you leafed through Netflix’s catalog, fruitlessly. In the end, you just end up cuddling and ultimately dozing off. Nothing special had happened that night, but you felt so restored, at peace, as if everything was completely fine again.
When you woke up the morning after, Daichi was already gone. You were used to this too. No night shifts meant early shifts. But this also had its perks, like the tiny heart-shaped post-it notes he liked to leave in the bathroom for you to read them as you washed your face or brushed your teeth. The breakfast? Ready on the kitchen counter, another post-it note on top of it. And then another one, on the front door, “I can’t wait to see you at lunch <3”
At noon, you two met up at the park as planned. A little warm-up under Daichi’s careful instructions and then you were ready to start. Just a casual jog, nothing too demanding, as you enjoyed the fresh air and the good company of that day.
During the whole run, Daichi kept encouraging you like a real captain and a loyal partner would do, saying that you were doing great, that you looked very good in those leggings, that you were half done at that point, and then that you could do it, you were almost at the end at that point.
“The last lap, babe! We’re almost done!” Daichi shouted, turned his head in your direction, and gave you a wide, shining smile.
“I-I think I’m done for today…” You panted as you struggled to keep up with his pace.
“Six more minutes and we’re done! C’mon! Don’t give up!” He incited but you soon waved the white flag, signaling him your surrender.
Daichi halted and got closer to you. A strange, gloomy aura suddenly spread all around him. A mischievous grin appeared on his face right when he whispered, an inch away from your sweaty face,
“Quitters don’t get their prize, you know that?”
Your breath almost failed you, when you told him, “Yeah, yeah, you can eat my lunch, I don’t want it anymore…”
But apparently, Daichi had another prize in his mind, another type of meal .
“Mmmh, that’s not the reward I was planning to give you…” His voice sounded dangerously seductive for the location you two were at the moment. Your eyes widened at the sudden realization.
His hands slowly roamed from your hands to your shoulders, then cupped your cheeks. His tone got back to normal when he playfully squeezed your face and said, “Six minutes!”
Six minutes passed and the jog was finally over. A little picnic at the park, a quick shower together at home, and then you were good to go. Your afternoon’s tasks awaited you.
That evening Tanaka and Kyoko joined you for dinner. They were both more than happy to give you some advice, to recommend easy and healthy recipes, and to see how the apartment had changed since their last visit.
Later that night, you and Daichi were again in your bed, tired but definitely satisfied. Your back was pressed against his broad chest, your body secured in his warm embrace, your thoughts were quiet, both your body and mind at peace.
You had worked, you had jogged, you had had some fun with Daichi at the park, you had also found some time to finish that book you had forgotten on your desk. Well, actually, Daichi had been texting you during the whole afternoon to remind you to take some breaks from time to time, to have a snack or read something. The dinner with Tanaka and Kyoko had cheered you up more than planned and that full, yet satisfying day was finally over.
You were still lost in your thoughts when you felt Daichi snuggle up, holding you even tighter than before. His left arm was wrapped around your figure while the right one was on top of yours, his fingers gently rubbing your hand, then your wrist and forearm, drawing imaginary patterns all over your skin. As he got closer, ultimately closing that tiny gap between you two, his head found the crook of your neck and gently nestled in it. Then he asked you, his voice hoarse with weariness,
“So? About the jog, did you like it?”
“Weeeell, let’s say that I liked it but mainly because we did it together.” You confessed, “Would I do it alone? I don’t know… Maybe?”
“Fair enough,” He replied and placed a sloppy kiss on your shoulder, his fingers still loosely tracing your arm. Then there was silence, the room was from time to time filled only with the muffled sound of those soft pecks he kept on leaving on your skin.
“You know,” Daichi whispered at some point, between a kiss and another, “Jogging is not the only option…” He paused to clear his throat, “There are other types of activities that we could do…” Another kiss, his breath warm against your neck, his tone husky with desire when he added, “That we could do indoor…”
#daichi x you#daichi x reader#daichi headcanon#daichi sawamura#daddy daichi#haikyuu oneshot#one shot#read on ao3#read on wattpad#spotify#i wrote this at 3am#sawamura daichi x reader#sawamura daichi#fluff
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Hello, friends!
It seems that each time I say something obvious I needed to hear, there is at least one person who wanted to be told this too. So let me get personal again, and you know. Talk about some mildly human stuff, nevertheless - fandom related.
Summary: Lorei saying “ I’m just trying to say fandom is not a chore. It is casual thing I do for fun. It doesn’t need to be perfectly mapped out and planned out, it doesn’t need to have its efficiency maximized, there is no need for any optimal growth or development. It is okay to engage with canon, transform it, put it out, that it is okay to come back to it whenever, that there are no obligations tying anybody down to anything. That’s it. At least in my eyes. “ and going in a bit of detail on what went through her head in the past few weeks.
You know... I really screwed up a couple weeks ago ^^” It also aligned with some real-life events that weren’t exactly pleasant, and oh well, there I was, completely numb to anything. But, fandom.
So, a few week ago I was considering leaving the fandom behind ^^” As you can see, though, I’m still here and to be honest, I don’t plan on going anywhere in the near future. I guess... I guess I kinda wanted to talk about the things which almost led to it? Although admittedly, I’m struggling with words right now.
So. I’m a very anxious person, to the point where sometimes it is hard to decide where anxiety starts and my actual desires and thoughts end. Although I presume it’s natural it’s a rather seamless transition, considering that it’s also a thought inside of my head - nevertheless, my point is, I sometimes slip. Sometimes I let ideas in my mind escalate too much, to the point when they’re harmful to me... But then, it is on me not to do that. It’s not about guilt or who caused what (as well, I did), only about few thoughts I had and what I decided to do about it. But it’s vague, so let’s get down to more concrete things. It’s a bit of a call out for myself too. Also, this is strictly about myself. Everybody can feel differently and it doesn’t make their outlook on it any less valid.
I want to grow this blog.
This is - in my opinion - a perfectly reasonable thing to desire. I suppose most of us want to be seen, for their work to be appreciated and such - and honestly, it’s always a blast to read comments under your own work and see that hey, somebody else really did enjoy it!
But my anxieties took it too far. They exchanged “want” to “must”, and although at the beginning it made little difference, with time it gradually became draining. It got the the point where I would queue up something I wrote, forget about it, move to writing something else, and then feel hardly anything, no matter what reactions it got. The act of writing itself remained pleasurable, sure, it wasn’t completely soulless work... But then there was this air of detachment from everyone. I felt that although I technically was on this blog, it was also as if I kinda disappeared. I felt mechanical - and I do not like anything about this.
I want to be up to date with the game.
Similarly to the above, “want” got exchanged to “must”, thus adding pressure somewhere where it doesn’t belong.
I don’t enjoy some characters, and even despite that I wrote them initially. I stopped doing that and then thought hey, I must be good now... But then, I acted as if I had to be curious about everything, even if I was not. We live under a constant stream of content and... To feel that you must do something you enjoy slowly begins to turn it into a chore, at least for me.
I want to share this thing I like with others so much!
This ended up being twisted in a bit of a different way, straight to “I want to make others happy” and then to “I must make others happy”.
I was subjected to emotional abuse as a child. I am guilty of people pleasing. I am aware of it and thought I was doing well - because, all the things you requested, all the things I offered, I really, really do want to write them. I enjoy those ideas, and I hope it will not discourage you from dropping by to share them. It’s one of the best things, really. I made it a point to teach myself to refuse requests I do not like, as hard as it was - and I practise it.
The only thing is. I forgot to make time for myself in it. For the stupid self-indulgent things that just sorta bounce around inside of my skull.
Anxieties are vile. At one point, I legitimately wondered whether an idea is worth being written out, simply because “what if nobody else enjoys it”, or “what if somebody disagrees” - or “no, I should wait with event XYZ up until a milestone, it can’t be done any different way”. Stupid! Completely irrational!
So. Where am I going with this all... Ah, yes.
I’m not leaving, but I don’t want this to stay this way either. Honestly, you probably won’t see any dramatic changes. It’s more so in my attitude, anyways.
I’m just trying to say fandom is not a chore. It is casual thing I do for fun. It doesn’t need to be perfectly mapped out and planned out, it doesn’t need to have its efficiency maximized, there is no need for any optimal growth or development. It is okay to engage with canon, transform it, put it out, that it is okay to come back to it whenever, that there are no obligations tying anybody down to anything. That’s it. At least in my eyes.
I will be still accepting requests. Honestly, as I’ve said - it’s more so in my attitude. I plan to quit doing milestone events... In exchange for casual events, when the inspiration strikes. Who cares how many of you are here? If you are here, you are here, each day is good enough. I plan to stop looking at my followers count. At reblogs-to-likes ratio (although I was yet to feel wronged in any way by it). At whether I posted something and whether the reblog wave I want to do will bury it down on my page. Because honestly, what is there to care about? I plan to, perhaps... Write a couple things I was thinking about.
Sorry for getting too in my head about, well, all the wrong things, honestly. Although perhaps - sorry to myself. I took a step back. I’m enjoying those things again.
So, perhaps, let’s chat again when an opportunity arises? I honestly hate detaching myself from the things I do, at least this way.
Keep warm,
Lorei
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Just Dance
Characters: Chanyeol, female OC
Genre: Fluff, hurt and comfort (kinda?)
Word count: ~2400
Summary: Following a round of her favorite videogame, Chanyeol makes the best effort to prop his girl up.
A/N: Originally, this was going to go a different route with a different main character, but then I thought about my friend @blogmariasan and wanted to write something for her ~
How cute does he look in that gif tho
The rapid beating of your heart in your ears and the loud music coming out of the speakers were strong enough for you to miss the noise the front door made when it turned on its hinges. Or the rummaging at the hall as he left the keys at the usual spot on top of the dresser and hung his coat on the hanger.
“Oh, so that’s what you do when I’m not at home, hmm?” his voice came from the doorstep to the living room, where you had moved the coffee table out of the way to make enough space for your workout, standing in front of the TV. “Fraternizing with our enemies.”
The high amount of energy your body stored at the moment combined with his voice startling you sent you practically flying across the room and into the sofa that had been pushed backwards. Sweat dripped down your back and you could feel blood rushing to your already flushed face.
The subject of dance came up fairly often in conversations with Chanyeol, who would sometimes need reassurance when he compared his own dancing with some other of his band mates, but who you’d never let watch you dance. Not on purpose, of course.
Dance is one of those things that do not matter to normal people. Everyone’s been to a club or a party at least once, has made a complete fool of themselves and then has gone home, hopefully having had fun. Not you.
When you were a kid, almost all your female classmates had enrolled in some sort of dance classes: ballet, regional dances, hip-hop, you name it. You knew many people who were part of an amateur band that learnt and performed their favorite artists’ dances. You weren’t one of them. At those end of year performances at your primary school, you’d always be left at the back, fulfilling the inconspicuous roles of trees, random animals, or the time when you had gotten quite a share of the spotlight as a door knob in a musical version of Alice in Wonderland. Coordination was just not your forte.
Everybody who knew you knew that as well. Including your boyfriend, who had found out about your slight incompetence when it came to being a protagonist and to moving your body in a graceful manner quite early in the relationship, when he had taken you as his companion to a family wedding. As enthused as always, he dragged you across the room to the dance floor, and knowing many of his family members were scrutinizing your every move, you had no option but to dance with him. Thankfully, one of his uncles was a nurse and was able to examine your ankle and determined you had only sprained it. As soon as he heard that, all the worry he had been sporting on his face since he saw you trip and hit the ground, disappeared. It was instead replaced by a slight mocking expression that only grew bigger when his grandma patted him in the back and told him you were nice but he needed to teach you to keep a bit of balance. What a beautiful family introduction.
Wasn’t that funny though? You wouldn’t trade your life for anything in the world, but you would have preferred if dance wasn’t such an important aspect in your partner’s life. Being energetic as he is, Chanyeol would usually blast music while at home, didn’t matter to him whether it was his own music or someone else’s, and dance around while doing chores. He’d do it in the car as well.
“Dancing is very fun, baby, you still haven’t found the perfect song for you.”
Just watching him prance around the house made you unbelievably happy, but you never let yourself get into it. As much as you watched and enjoyed every single one of his performances, and for many of them, you’d learnt the whole choreography, you didn’t allow yourself to get carried away beyond a gentle sway.
The thing is you loved dancing. You actually loved to the point it was your main form of exercise. Who doesn’t love getting carried away with their favorite music? You just were aware of the quality of the movements you produced, so you refused to do it in front of other people.
“I wasn’t doing anything with your enemies! And they’re not your enemies, you’re just petty!”
You stood back up and forcefully pulled the sofa back to its original place. Then, you turned off the game console without even worrying to save your progress and left the controller on top of the table a bit more harshly than necessary and left the room in a huff.
When Chanyeol asked you to move in with him, you knew you wouldn’t have as much privacy as you used to do living in your tiny one bedroom apartment, but you didn’t particularly mind it. By that point, you had already spent plenty of time at each other’s homes and he was an easy going person, so you felt at home. Besides, his busy schedule kept him out of the house most of the day; so you felt at ease. Even more so when you discovered, in a party with his band mates where he pulled it out as an entertainment safe bet, that he had unlimited access to one of your favorite videogames. So now, whenever he was out and you wanted to exercise, you’d turn it on and dance on your own, enjoyed yourself and bumped into enough stuff around the house Chanyeol would always enquire about the bruises on your legs.
His brows furrowed when he heard your snappy tone and you made your way out of the living room.
“Babe? What’s wrong?” He followed you into the bathroom where you struggled to get out of your sweaty workout clothes while at the same time avoiding his gaze from scanning your flushed face. “You’ve already been living here for long enough, you can use anything here whenever you can, you know that?”
“It’s not that!” You responded, annoyed and in the verge of tears.
He waited for you to come out of your t-shirt to grab your hand and pull you back into the bedroom, where he sat in the middle of the bed, cross legged and making a space big enough between your legs for you to fit in comfortably. You flinched when his fingers started sliding down your still damp back in soothing movements, but couldn’t help but dive into his comforting hug.
“So now you’re gonna tell me what’s got you all up in arms today, hmm?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Yeah, but you know keeping bad things in will get you nowhere. Why are you angry? You seemed so happy when I came in.”
“I am not angry…” you said in a low tone while you tried to hide your face against Chanyeol’s chest.
“So what is it?” He cupped your face in his hand and raised your head to look at you. As soon as his eyes fixed on yours, you felt another wave of heat hit your cheeks. “Are you blushing?” You could almost hear the gears grinding in his brain as he connected the dots. “Is it because I caught you dancing?”
You let out an undefined sound that served as an affirmation and took your eyes away from him.
“I remember how embarrassing it was for you at Hee’s wedding, but there’s no one else but me here. You can enjoy yourself without a problem!”
“It’s not that… I can’t dance in front of you.”
“But why not, baby? I will do it with you, it’s fun!”
“I just…” you hesitated, but the expression on his face as he waited was enough. “I am a bad dancer, okay? I know that.”
He nodded with caution, not wanting to make you feel worse with his acknowledgement.
“Is there a problem with that?”
“Of course there is a problem! You dance for a living”
“Well, I do other stuff too, but it’s a pretty big part. What does that have to do with this?”
“I love you, okay? I really like seeing you perform and I know you love what you do. But sometimes I wonder if I’m good enough for you,” you finally confessed.
“What?” his voice was higher pitched than usual to express his confusion. “Where is this all coming from?”
“I sometimes think…maybe if you see how bad I am at this, you will compare me to your other friends who also dance and think you can do better than me.”
“Are you really telling me you’re scared of me leaving you for someone who dances better than you?” his voice kept raising in disbelief.
“Well, if you put it that way! Just listen to me! You are always around people who are more talented, better looking and who have more interesting lives than me. I have none of that. How am I supposed to feel!?”
Chanyeol leaned back into the mattress and pulled your body along with his, so in the end, he was lying across the bed on his back with you on top of him, resting you face against his t-shirt. You rose up your gaze at him and saw him staring at the ceiling with a blank expression, while his fingers never stopped drawing random patterns against your bare skin.
“You know, when I first got into this I was an awful dancer.”
“What?”
“Yeah, in comparison with Jongin or Sehun, there’s nothing I can do in terms of dancing even now. They were so much better than I was, and not just because of their natural talent. I’m a terrible dancer. My legs and arms feel too long to be controlled and collected as they are when they dance. All that you see now is the result of years of practice.”
“I have never been too self conscious about it because I trusted myself enough, but I remember there was this girl at the training centre who always made comments about my dancing. She was a bit older than I was and she used to tease me about it all the time. She wasn’t very nice.”
“Is she still mean?”
“Oh, maybe she is. I haven’t seen her in years, I ended up debuting with the guys but she never got to that point, despite the fact she had been training for years at that point.”
“That’ll serve her right,” you shrugged.
“Yeah, well. I try not to think a lot about it, because I can still hear her snickering while I performed.”
“I’m so sorry about that,” you hugged him softly from your position and his arms returned the favor around you.
“It’s okay. The thing about this is that I know how you feel. I know how hard it can be to face the world, expose what you have and to be confident enough that it’ll be good enough. But some people around us are more than willing to tear us down over our smallest mistakes, so it’s quite unfair that we do that to ourselves too. That’s what helped me get over it.”
“Yeah, but now you are a quite good dancer and get paid to do so! Why would I show something I know I am bad at?”
“Because you actually enjoy it! Allowing yourself to enjoy things is part of being kind to yourself, and that’s something you need to work on.”
You let out only a soft sigh as a response.
“You know you’re the most beautiful thing that’s ever been in my life, right?”
You propped your head up by resting your chin against his chest, looking him on, silently. His hand caressed your hair.
“Sometimes I have bad days too. Sometimes I’m sad or angry. Or frustrated, because I am not getting where I want to be. But then, I come home and see you around. Maybe you’re in the kitchen, or you’re working on your laptop, or playing with the dog. Doing whatever. Just by being there, you make my day brighter. You make me smile and laugh. You support me when I need to. You get me in ways barely no one else does and I get inspired by you daily.”
His confession left you speechless for a while. Of course, you knew you were in with Chanyeol for the long run. You’d gone through terrible enough times together when your relationship was made public, so now you weren’t going to give up and neither was him.
“You’re so beautiful and so good I don’t even care about other people anymore. Yeah, I have many beautiful friends and coworker. But they have nothing against you, doesn’t matter how much prettier you think they are. Besides, my grandma loves you very much despite your stellar introduction to the family; that can hardly be beat.”
A small tear managed to slide its way down your cheek when you closed your eyes and laughed wholeheartedly to the mention of his grandma, but he didn’t notice. Just seconds after he’d finished his speech, he’d sat up on the bed, kissed your forehead and started rummaging through the closet.
“Here, wear this one!”
He tossed you one of his older t-shirts, with the name of his group written on the back, worn out and soft, before stripping off his own work clothes and searching for more comfortable stuff.
“I’m a bit rusty lately, so it’s a good thing you were already working out, we can help each other.” You were still sitting on your bed, t-shirt in hand but in your underwear, not sure what to do. His head popped up behind one of the doors when he noticed you hadn’t moved and his eyes scanned up and down your poorly covered figure, with a cocky eyebrow raised and a smirk. “Or we could head into the shower and I could teach you some of the moves we do under artificial rain… but only if you want, of course…”
_________________________
A/N: It probably wasn’t made clear enough, but the song OC was dancing at the beginning would’ve been a BTS one, if those were included in the game, which I’m not sure of. BTS and Exo are not enemies and they probably even get on fairly well with each other, so take it just as a joke
Other Chanyeol shenanigans
Holidays (OC/One Shot/Fluff-Smut)
Experimentation (Chanbaek/One shot/Fluff-soft smut)
MASTERLIST!?
#exo#exo fanfic#exo fanfiction#exo angst#exo smut#exo fluff#chanyeol#Park Chanyeol#chanyeol fanfic#chanyeol fanfictio#chanyeol angst#chanyeol fluff#chanyeol smut#kpop fanfiction#exo preference
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Request 2
A/N: Hi, everybody! So, I got this request back in July from @theichabbieclub. I’m so so sorry this took so long, but we are FINALLY letting up on the mandatory overtime (and I need some good distraction from the total shitshow that is my country’s politics right now). I changed the request a little bit, but I hope you still enjoy it!
Pairing: John Deacon x fem!Reader Queen x fem!reader (platonic)
Summary: The band is recording at Rockfield. You were invited by the band to come watch them record ‘A Night At The Opera’. However, a farm takes a lot of work.
Warnings: None really
Taglist: @queenlover05 @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhyee @theblossomknows
`I love my job. I love my job. I love my job,’ you kept chanting that mantra to yourself as you cleaned up the barn.
Working with Queen had been a dream come true for you, and getting to see them record what, according to Freddie, would be their crowning achievement (“Thus far”-again, according to Freddie) was something you couldn’t pass up.
You also thought that maybe you could get John alone at some point. And maybe you would get enough courage to tell him you had feelings for him.
However, you hadn’t been told that it would take place on a farm until you were halfway there. And you weren’t aware of how much work you all would have to put in to keep it going so that the owners would let them record there.
Every single muscle that you knew and some that you didn’t know the names of (you made a mental note to ask Roger) were aching and screaming at you. You’d been awake since before the sun trying to get as many chores done before recording and then you would watch the boys record and then back to chores before dinner. Then everybody would want to stay awake and spend some time together, meaning you usually didn’t get to bed until about midnight. You’d be lucky if you got four hours of sleep before you were awake again. Which would be fine if you could eventually catch up on your sleep, but you weren’t.
You were just about to start rounding up the chickens when you noticed a chill taking over your body. Even your teeth started to chatter. You started to get the chickens where they needed to be, but not quickly enough. It took you far too long because some of the hens thought that you were trying to attack their chicks instead of getting them somewhere safe.
You thought that you heard somebody yell your name, but you couldn’t be sure with the wind in your ears.
After what felt like hours, you finally got them where they needed to be and finished up the last of your chores. You were done. Not just with the chores, but the day. You were going to get something quick to eat and that was it. You were going to bed and God help whoever got in your way.
On your way into the house, you felt a little woozy. The whole ground seemed to be swaying. You blamed it on the wind throwing off your balance, even though you knew it was probably more than that.
Once you got in the door, you could smell somebody had made dinner. Something that made your stomach give a growl. You pulled your boots off and nearly fell over. You tried to stay on your feet as you walked through the house to the kitchen, but even that was proving a challenge. Maybe you should just go up and go to sleep.
“Y/N?”
You looked towards one of the boys, the one you assumed said your name, but then your vision went black.
“Holy…! Brian!” Freddie barked at him since he was the closest. “Grab her!”
Brian jumped from his seat and caught you before you completely crashed on the floor.
“Good God, what happened?” John stood up to help Brian steady you.
“No idea. Roger, I think you should look her over.”
“How am I going to be any help?” Roger shot back at Freddie, but got up to look you over nonetheless. “She’s out cold.”
“Thank you, Doctor Taylor,” John muttered, readjusting you so that you were in a better position.
“Oi!” Roger started, but Brian snapped at them.
“Can we fight over this later? She’s frozen to the bone.”
“I’ll get her a blanket,” Freddie announced before he dashed out of the kitchen.
“Where are we going to take her? I can’t just hold her all night,” John’s voice had a tinge of panic to it.
“Well, we can take her to your room,” Brian offered, trying to keep a cool head himself. “It’s the closest. And, if I remember right, you’ve got the biggest bed.”
“Fine, fine,” John replied as Freddie came back with the blankets from the den.
The four of them gently moved you into John’s room, which was just down the hall.
“We can’t…I mean, we…what are we supposed to do then?” John felt a blush come to his cheeks. Yes, he’d imagined you in his bed, but not like this.
“Y/N?” Freddie whispered, giving your shoulders a slight shake.
“Hm?” You hummed at him, not fully awake.
“We’ve got you in John’s room, love,” Freddie kept his voice low and soft. “Is that okay?”
You nodded, still mostly sleeping, but didn’t make a movement. You heard John’s name and it made you feel relaxed.
The four men looked at each other, none of them sure what to do.
“Are we just going to leave her here for the night?”
“What else do you suggest we do, Deaky?” Freddie lifted an eyebrow at him.
John looked to the other two for some sort of answer, but neither of them could come up with one either. John sighed and went to his dresser and grabbed one of his jumpers.
“Here,” John handed it to Freddie. “She’ll need something warmer.”
“Why don’t you help her with that, dear? We’ll go finish cleaning up in the kitchen,” Freddie began ushering out Brian and Roger, despite their looks of confusion.
John stared at the door that Freddie had just slammed shut. He then looked to you, barely awake.
“Y/N? Could um…could you put this on for me?” John held out the jumper to you.
You slowly opened your eyes, meeting John’s. You felt yourself smile.
“John, what are you doing here?”
John chuckled under his breath. “You’re in my room. I think I should be asking you that question.”
You looked around, confused as to how you got there. Then you looked at the bed. “I’m really tired.”
“Yes, you should get your sleep. I’ll let you have this,” John handed you the sweater. “And then you can get some sleep.”
You just nodded as you pulled the sweater on and fell back into the pillows.
John chuckled and shook his head. “No, come on, love, let’s get you under the blankets.”
You whined, but John continued to get you more comfortable in the bed so that you were wrapped up in the blankets.
“Stay,” you requested, grabbing John by his shirt.
“Y/N,” John began, trying to pull away. He didn’t want to take advantage of you in your state. Not that he would do anything. He just wasn’t sure that if you were fully awake you’d be asking him to stay with you.
“John, please stay.”
John sighed and got into the bed. He got himself comfortable and then froze when you rolled closer to him, practically on top of his arms. John hesitated, but then wrapped his arms around you.
You burrowed yourself deeper into the warmth, barely hanging onto consciousness. You inhaled deeply and smiled to yourself. The smell made you feel safe.
“John,” you hummed out before finally totally falling into the darkness.
The next morning you woke up, almost sweating. You felt blankets all around you. You could feel the sun hitting your back, which was odd, because you usually were awake before the sun came up.
You finally opened your eyes and tried to figure out where you were. You came face to face with a chest. You looked up and saw a sleeping John Deacon holding you. You felt your heart begin to pound. You didn’t remember much of last night. The last thing you remembered was finally getting the chickens where they needed to be for the night.
When had you ended up in bed with John?
You tried to remember what happened last night, but it felt like you had been blackout drunk.
You started to move to try and get out of the bed without waking John. You were almost out of his arms when you heard a deep inhale. You sheepishly looked up and saw John sluggishly start to blink his green eyes. He finally looked down at you and gave you a sweet smile.
It made your heart melt a bit.
“Good morning, how’d you sleep?”
“A little hot,” you joked.
“Fair enough,” John started to untangle you from the mess of blankets around you.
As he slowly got you unraveled, you realized that you were wearing one of John’s jumpers.
“John? Is this yours?” You looked up at him.
“Oh,” John felt a little embarrassed, even though he wasn’t sure why. “Well, yes, because of what happened last night..”
“What even happened?” You cut John off.
John explained what had happened to you the night before, including the detail about why you had woken up in bed with him.
“...and then I… you…we woke up. I…I hope that’s all okay.”
You were quiet, mostly because you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know the boys cared for you like that. Sure, they always referred to each other and some of the roadies as family, but you’d never thought of yourself included in that.
“I’m just…well, all of us really, are happy that you’re okay,” John told you, hoping to get some sort of response from you. “Some of us more than others.”
You looked at John with a raised eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?”
John cleared his throat and shifted his glance from you to the blankets. He picked at one of them before he met your eyes again.
“I’ve been thinking, and especially since last night, that maybe once we get back to London, you and I could, perhaps, spend some time together. Alone. Away from the rest of the band. Outside the studio. I mean, only if you actually want to and we could just…you know, get a drink? Go to a pub?” John held his breath.
You bit your bottom lip to keep a large smile on your face. You then leaned over and gave John a kiss on the cheek.
“I’d like that.”
#John Deacon#john richard deacon#john deacon fanfic#john deacon x reader#john deacon x you#john deacon fluff#queen#queen band#queen fanfic#queen imagine#john deacon imagine#john deacon x fem!reader#queen x reader friendship#krissys writings#requested
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i’m not waiting until midnight to do this this year because i don’t care. i’m having breakfast right now and i will be working afterwards, so here’s my new year’s retrospective
this year sucked. it sucked for everybody, though, so who cares. big things that happened, all kind of related but also not related:
1) i got in touch and began integrating into a reform jewish community here. i have learned a lot and also not learned a lot. much information i already knew, but some things you only learn from practice and experience. in this regard, because i have no car and i am excessively anxious, the pandemic was beneficial, because it’s all been online. there are still lots of transgender individuals and people who don’t know much because they only come once a year and such, so there is good company. this is something that has kept me up at night for years and i worked hard to get to the point i am with my mental health to be able to address it. i told myself when i did this, though, that i would need to be willing to change some, maybe even a lot of my values and decisions. it also means that some ways i felt too embarrassed or uncomfortable speaking before i am less uncomfortable with now.
2) i got in touch with my mother and reconnected with her. i made an actual effort to build some kind of amicable relationship. i can’t say it’s perfect. it’s not the worst, though. she is extremely happy about me becoming more observant and has been very supportive. the main reason i did this is because family is a very entwined jewish value and the option was available to me. i don’t know what i’ll be doing about my dad, but it would be more complex and something i’m going to ask my rabbi about when she’s not being piledriven in the ground by the weight of the pandemic. i still don’t really talk to my sister, to whom i have no obligations anyway. it’s not like we aren’t on speaking terms, but it’s just a big indicator that nothing is the same as before.
3) i ended the relationship with my wife. this is a big one. i don’t want to get into the details of why. we are still friends and still live together, but the relationship has changed even faster than i thought just by ending the romantic element. not to say that i never did any household chores myself, but 2021 will be a difficult year for me as i have to pay for completely separate foods, have to do more things myself in separation from rokko’s personal life, and no longer have a confidante about my interpersonal business.
those are the 3 major personal changes. i also went back on hormones, and funded top surgery (which my mother would not and could not have paid for anyway) that had to be postponed until the middle of next year anyway, which, by the looks of vaccine rollout, may not even be safer from the virus than right now.
i also went without any medication for my adhd for the whole year, although i started strattera yesterday to see if it does anything for me with a new psychiatrist. i’ve never felt more depressed and lost. i’ve been waiting to “wake up” for almost the entire year. in january, i had just fixed my relationship with dupe and they were starting to front more. after getting really sick in february with combination of what looks like a really bad extended series of migraines and a medication that caused vomiting and a persistent cough, i’ve been too afraid to let go of control again and unable to not blame it on their time fronting. despite blaming them for a lot, i wait for them to take control, i feel like a lot of my identity has been the one just waiting, waiting for somebody better and more clear-headed to come and wake me up from the nightmare i’m having. i don’t want to say that adderall always switched dupe into the front, because it didn’t. it also made ME feel more clear-headed in my own way. but more often than not, it just made me feel like everything was going to be okay enough to let them take it and deal with it instead. i also don’t want to say that dupe disappeared, because they didn’t, really. they’ve been around, a lot, just not fronting because i make it too much of a struggle. that said if the strattera (and possibly clonidine as my psych suggested) doesn’t work i’m just going back on adderall after top surgery lol.
anyway, i don’t know. i’m such a whiner about all of this. i have been able to not contract covid by hunkering down at home with my little dog and little job where i get to be late on as many deadlines and cut as many corners as i want out of fatigue and nothing happens and i still find something to complain about. i’ve never been more aware of so many of my flaws, though. i don’t usually make new year’s resolutions but next year i think it would be cool if i could make tzedakah more. i don’t want to say once a week because i already do that, but once per day might be more than i could afford. maybe once every other day and after every time i make a purchase, as a goal, finances permitting. i think it might help to have the obligation so that i don’t spend money on stupid shit instead.
that’s all i have to say. 2020 was a horrible year and 2021 will probably be a horrible, life-altering year as well. gam zu l’tovah.
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Reflecting my time as a student
Hello everybody Good morning/Good Afternoon/ Good Evening/ Good Night whatever is your time zone.This is my first blog on my current blog account. Frankly, I am really nervous while writing so I am really sorry if this blog is not very good. But anyways let us talk about the topic of today s' blog without wasting a second. Reflecting on my time as a student is today s' topic well I am a student so I decided to share my experiences as a student so all students reading my blog can avoid the same mistakes I did. I have decided to write this blog a younger crowd basically for students who completed their primary schooling and are in their first year or in the second year of secondary schooling. The schooling years do get tough to manage especially if you do not have a guide other than your teacher like you fall behind the projects, assignments, grades, to be honest, you also fall behind your childhood like to play just in order to complete your projects and assignments and the point where you complete all of your assignments and finally are like ''Yes I finally can enjoy'' the next day you again get more assignments and again the cycle is repeated. Look in these cases you do need a guide how can like just help you to manage your time but I know just like me many do not have a guide besides your teacher I also faced the same situation I did not have any siblings and my both the parents were working. So to help you to go through your school years smoothly here are a few tips -: Time management: Time management is a very crucial component if you are willing to have a productive lifestyle. To be honest, I have always had issues with managing my time efficiently. This problem had become a huge obstacle once I got into school. Thus, attending a lecture that focuses on time management helped me a lot with this problem by introducing me to different aspects related to time management: planning, SMART goals, and important/urgent matrix. We can use to-do lists or a set timetable I personally strictly recommend a to-do list as timetable does not work most of the times as we do get bored from them as it makes our life monotonous easily We can even use leaflets to study I am sure many of us know what leaflets are or even have a few leaflets but the main point is only a few of us know how to really use them correctly so here is a format of how to use a leaflet correctly:-
Aims of the leaflet
• Start thinking about your own time management skills and issues • Help you start reflecting on your existing responsibilities and commitments
• Suggest effective ideas and strategies for building study into your life This leaflet is divided into the following sections:
1. Experience and reflection
2. Where to study
3. Useful tools and materials
4. Planning a term or semester
5. Planning a week
6. Making best use of study time This section will help you reflect on how you manage time, your priorities, and how to build in a study schedule that works for you. :- Think generally about the things you manage/juggle in your life at the moment. Think about how much you fit into your average day, including time spent on routine tasks, travel, TV, sleep, etc. Identify times in a week when you might fit in time to study Reflect on previous study habits: • What did you enjoy? Find useful? • What was hard/boring/an effort? • What helped? The following reflective exercises are useful for the first week of your course. It takes a while to adapt to new routines and work out how to make study a priority in your life, and reflecting on your life and commitments, in general, is important. It means you can make realistic changes, based on self-knowledge about what works best for you. Keep a record, for a week of your course, of how you spend your time – it’s worth putting in all the details, truthfully. Make sure you note down:- • Course activities
• Your own study time
• Paid or unpaid employment
• Relaxing/socialising/TV time
• Exercise/recreation/shopping
• Domestic chores/family activities
• Travel
• Sleeping/eating You know at the end of the day it's all about you many people like a cold environment to study so they will recommend that but for you, you need a warm environment to study so the cold environment will not work for you and again you search for perfect tips to study and again you will not like a particular tip or it's just not your need for the timing and the cycle is repeated. To get perfect tips to study from you will need to search a lot and while doing it sometimes you will spend more time on searching for the tips than actually studying because everyone is different and so are your needs for everything are different from others. But you can make your own tips. So listen up clear all tips you have collected and take a break from everything like chores studying ect for a few hours and observe yourself and after observing yourself answer the following questions:- • What times of day/week do I study best?
• Was this a heavy week for study? Why?
• Did I work more effectively at home? In the library? Why?
• Did I relax when I needed to?
• Any particular pressures this week? How did I deal with them?
• What distracts me most? When?
• Do I need quiet? Music? Warm/cool room? Food?
• How often do I need breaks? (Probably more often than you think..)
• Do I work better with others or alone?
• When do I feel energetic/alert? When not?
• Anything I need to change/do differently next week? How? After answering all the questions the answers you get THAT'S IT! they are your tips to study and they fit you perfectly It really is worth taking time over this. The better your awareness of your own study/time preferences, the easier it is to identify the best times/places in the week to slot in different types of study activity….and when not. Now think about: • Things you want to change or do differently • How effectively you used your study time • How to cut back on any other involvements which use time • Any change in priorities – and how to keep time for things you enjoy THIS IS IT FOR THIS BLOG. If you think the blog was really useful then do follow for more blogs in the future 😄
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Oh did today become A Day and I am seething.
My mother invited me to have dinner at my grandmother’s home today, specifically noted as a ‘lite supper’. Since I see my grandmother weekly for assorted chores or dinner, and both of them are fully vaccinated, I had no problem with this concept and no concern about COVID exposure or spread. Three people total isn’t a problem, and if my father showed up to ‘surprise’ me (He slipped up and mentioned the dinner on Friday) it wouldn’t be an issue since he is also vaccinated and I see him almost every day and we’re still only at four people total. Dinner with my parents and my grandmother even sounds nice, and it hasn’t happened in a long time.
Except I arrive and I see ten places set.
“It’s just family” my mother says, as if family members can’t be carriers (Do you want to guess how I was exposed and forced to quarantine back in November? Do you want to guess who?). “They’re all vaccinated” my mother says, but I’m not, and I’m honestly not convinced that all of them are (Most, sure, but even if they’ve started the process it can take almost two months to complete depending on the vaccine version). “I wanted it to be a surprise” my mother says, as if that isn’t the very problem.
My family has never thrown a surprise party before, why the fuck are they starting now? I’ve got no good move here, and I resent the position I have been forced into.
If I stay I will be uncomfortable the entire time, and will be stressed for the next two weeks as I ascribe any and all aches and pains to “Is this COVID?” If I don’t get enough sleep one night and am groggy the next day, I’ll think it’s COVID. If I don’t drink enough water and get a headache, I’ll think it’s COVID. Because though unlikely, it’s possible for vaccinated people to be asymptomatic carriers. Because I am aware that COVID cases are actually surging right now because people are acting like everything is over, and I consider it a moral duty to continue abiding by restrictions “just in case”. That’s why I have continued to avoid group get-togethers even with my friends who are vaccinated.
If I leave I become the guy who ruined his own birthday party that some family drove hours to get to. Oh, I didn’t mention this was supposed to be my birthday party? Yes, it was supposed to show their appreciation for all I do (Including the aforementioned weekly visits with my grandmother). Gee, it sure would have been nice to know that beforehand so I could have said if I was okay with a party or not.
I could insist everybody keep their masks on for the entire time, except the food is already set out and they guests will be hungry and they didn’t know I wasn’t consulted so it would be incredibly rude to ask them to suddenly start fasting apropos of nothing. Especially since most of them are older and it could be dangerous to not eat if they perhaps didn’t eat lunch. We can’t eat outside since it’s a cold, rainy day.
I split the difference and spent my ‘birthday party’ standing in the open garage, unwilling to go inside, unable to go home, as my grandmother keeps calling through the door for me to come inside and get something to eat and my mother tearfully tries to explain herself. I ate no food, hugged nobody, and generally acted like an asshole because when I did come inside at the end at my grandmother’s pleading I literally pressed myself against the door to keep the greatest possible distance.
Maybe I would have been okay with it if I had known in advance. If a week ago my mother said “Hey, would you be okay with these family members coming over next week for dinner?” I might have been feeling adventurous and decided to risk it. I’ve done risky things in life before, even downright dangerous things for fun or excitement, but they were my choice. Or maybe not, maybe I still would have decided not to go, but I could have told her that in advance so she could still have had a gathering of family who wanted to go and maybe I could have joined via Zoom or somesuch without the awkwardness or putting me in this position.
This also wasn’t something that snowballed unintentionally as if my mother had mentioned dinner to some family and they misunderstood and thought they were invited and she didn’t want it to be awkward by uninviting them, she hired a Broadway singer! Yes, a live singer to perform a show for us. That doesn’t happen spur-of-the-moment or because things spun out of control. This was a party.
And, by the way, I don’t fucking like parties anyway.
What. The. Hell.
#I am FURIOUS and am going to stewing on this for a long time#And my grandma JUST called me and I've got to say I'm okay and No Hard Feelings because it's not her fault#BTW the singer actually was amazing and I'm upset that even THAT was ruined because instead of enjoying a performance I'm seething#My life#COVID-19
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