#also FUCK mountain potato

[cadmium-free]

sometimes it is possible to rehabilitate your relationship to a food by eating it a new context that makes you like it. brussels sprouts cooked long and soaked in butter making you appreciate all brussels sprouts, or bok choy overcooked in hot pot making you reevaluate all leafy greens. it’s so wonderful that we can do this. all food can be redeemed. except bell peppers the worst ingredient ever invented, disgusting little peppers, trash

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

Karlach is very very nice tree and I am a squirrel heh

If you need help with the game just ask because before BG3 I had no idea about the playstyle either-

god yeah me too, i want to climb onto Karlach's back and hang from her shoulders she is my favorite and i love her

thank you!!! i'm very slowly getting the hang of it (not that i'm good by any stretch), but i'm having fun!!

[sodacowboy]

fan is on three feet away from me and I can still hear the fizz of the energy drink like a foot and a half away from me

[bread--quest]

It's 2012 somewhere. Welcome.... to Night Vale Tumblr.

👁️ nvcr-official

Hi guys! I'm Intern Sarah! Excited to be joining you all!

👁️ nvcr-official

To the friends and family of Intern Sarah, she was a good intern and social media manager, and we are sorry to see her go. We will work to find a new intern as soon as possible.

83 notes

🦉 dark-owl-records

CALL OUT POST FOR CECIL PALMER

hes gotten away with shit for too long and im sick of it. tl;dr horrific intern mistreatment with no compensation, mountain denier, homophobic

keep reading

❌ number-one-moonhater Follow

Hey uh. Aren't you a company account? Why are you posting this

🦉 dark-owl-records

L + ratio + god forbid women do anything + your music taste is trash

🙈 seesomethingsaynothing Follow

Isn't Cecil literally gay?

🦉 dark-owl-records

he's homophobic

🪼 jeebyfish Follow

he has a husband...

🦉 dark-owl-records

yeah and he won't fucking shut up about it

2,500 notes

🤫 cecils-private-blog

Carlos hasn't liked any of my woodcarving posts in THREE DAYS!! I'm so scared what if he's going to break up with me :((

👁️ nvcr-official

Cecil he's your husband he's not breaking up with you. also this isn't a private blog you just put private in the url

🤫 cecils-private-blog

HOW DID YOU SEE THIS

4 notes

🏜️ sandeater Follow

tamika flynn spotted in ralph's dairy aisle "slaying" the milk

🦂 scorpiansscuttle Follow

op i know this is a joke but one time i was in the ralphs dairy aisle and there was some butter up on a really high shelf and someone said "don't worry, i'll get it" and i turned around and it was fucking tamika flynn

☁️ average-weather-enjoyer Follow

fake story :/

📚 isurvivedthesummerreadingprogram

No it's true I was there

🚂 traintonowhere Follow

TAMIKA FLYNN??

🏜️ sandeater Follow

what the fuck is happening on my post

8,345 notes

👁️ nvcr-official

can you guys please stop sending cecil weird shit... i don't want to have to explain to my boss what a dilf is

27 notes

🐚 mariella-shella

Hey guys!! Sorry for the lack of posts recently! I entered a hole in the wall and when I got out I realized I didn't know how long I'd been in there, or where I was, or who I am, and I'm not sure that I'm still the person who entered that hole however long ago. Anyway, the normal posting schedule will resume as soon as I remember what my normal posting schedule was, and if I'm still the person who had that posting schedule!

🌪️ sandstorm-gf Follow

omg mariella!!! missed u so much girl glad ur back!

🐚 mariella-shella

i miss me too

42 notes

😎 Anonymous asked: Response to the homophobic allegations?

🎙️ cecilpalmer

Huh??

🎙️ cecilpalmer

@nvcr-official What does this mean? Is it new slang?

👁️ nvcr-official

uhhhh dont worry about it buddy

50 notes

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

hey guys im in quarantine for eating wheat and wheat byproducts uh...send asks?? i might be in here for a while lmaooo

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

oh lights in the sky its been 5 years since i made this post

☁️ glowcloudapologist Follow

how's it going op

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

i miss my family

506 notes

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

hey if anyone remembers anything about the person running this blog can you tell me? trying to recover the fragments of my identity from the void of memory lol

🥔 potato-enthusiast Follow

you were really hot

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

FUCK YEAHHHHHH

89 notes

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

just a reminder that new residents of east night vale are fully welcome to interact with this blog!!!! you will not be harassed and any hate will be blocked. this blog is safe even if this town isn't sometimes <3

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

This is so sweet, thank you so much! Just so you know, even though it's officially called East Night Vale now, a lot of people still call it Desert Bluffs! Just thought you might want to know :)

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

i'm not calling it that sorry

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

What??? Why??

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

just kind of sucks. as a name

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

?????????

170 notes

🐄

⬜️ kentuckymeatshower_deactivated11051983

what does this mean....

🌌 cece-xeze Follow

another great post from huntokar herself

16,683 notes

🚁 helicopters-in-your-area Follow

🌲 little-miss-ectoplasm Follow

you don't like pine cliff? 👻 oo ooo?

👁️ nvcr-official

NIGHT VALE SWEEEEEP

806 notes

😁 the-happy-smiler Follow

Hi everyone!! Since Twitter went down, I figured I'd try my hand at this Tumblr thing! I'm so excited to meet all of you!! Hope you're ready for some pictures of CENTIPEDES!! Feel free to AMA about the Smiling God!

👁️ nvcr-official

I

🦉 dark-owl-records

N

🎙️ cecilpalmer

T

📚 isurvivedthesummerreadingprogram

E

🙈 seesomethingsaynothing Follow

R

🚂 traintonowhere Follow

L

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

O

🌌 cece-xeze Follow

P

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

E

🚁 helicopters-in-your-area Follow

R

21,983 notes

[gallusrostromegalus]

Hi Gallus, I'm doing some worldbuilding and you seem like you could be connected enough for me to find an answer to the problem of dwarven agriculture. Many problems are created by the requirement of no sunlight, as even the common response of mushrooms still need light to break down decomposing matter as a primary energy source. Currently, we're thinking that they use a special type of mushroom that breaks down rocks in an energy-producing reaction, giving them enough energy to absorb nutrients and grow - this would serve a second purpose in explaining why building a massive hollowed-out mountain fortress doesn't produce an equally large amount of gravel.

Any thoughts? We're grasping at straws kinda lol

Well, some thoughts:

There's plenty of cave systems (especially Karst Systems) that are at least partially open to Sunlight- especially the kind that have rivers running through them, which is something else that's really helpful for agriculture.

For Example: This Cool AF Sinkhole cave in china that has an entire Forest in it

Now There's a view to put outside the city Gates!

Karst specifically is a landscape where underground rivers hollow out the limestone underground and then the cave roofs fall in. This kind of landscape answers your gravel question nicely: the hollowed out mountain does produce an equal amount of gravel, but the gravel turns up as the sandy banks of the river system hundreds of miles away.

So, there's your sunlight that can be used directly, or reflected or magically transferred deeper into the cave system.

Or they just put more holes in the roof! Unless your dwarves are also vampires, there's no reason for them to not hollow out a few Skylights into the mountain too.

But let's talk some other cave ecology and agriculture!

For starters, your dwarves could be sitting on top of a literal gold mine that would allow them to trade for a lot of needed materials and crops.

And by gold mine, I mean Salt Mine.

Historically, salt comes out of hollowed-out mountains and is worth more than gold.

Also something the humans have historically fought a bunch of wars over, so there's some free political tensions if you needed that!

I can also mean the possible fucking enormous piles of bat guano that accumulates in Karst caves, which is the world's most insanely good fertilizer, and ALSO something that has been worth more than it's weight in gold.

Speaking of Gold, another thing that often lives in sinkhole caves in abundance is BEES. turns out, limestone stalactites are a terrific place to build a hive that is difficult for predators to reach, stays dry and the stone substrate means the hives can reach many tons in weight before they start having structural issues. That sweet, sweet insect-derived liquid gold is already important to Dwarves in a lot of folklore- it's really hard to have a Traditional Dwarven Mead Hall without the honey to make the mead, you know?

So you got your mushrooms, you got your sunlight-grown sinkhole crops, you got your traded goods and you got your source of alcohol- the only thing really missing from an ancient food pyramid here is a staple carbohydrate. To that end, may I propose our good Peruvian Friend: The Potato.

Grain crops aren't actually all that nutritious and were kept around in ancient societies more as legal tender that kept the peasants busy, because wheat or rice takes months to grow, an enormous amount of labor to harvest, and wheat also needs to be milled before it can be turned into food- all enormously time-consuming processes that keep peasants busy and easy to rule tyranically over.

Potatoes though? Pop one in the ground in spring and you can dig up fingerlings all summer, and if you make potato towers, you can harvest up to 40lbs of delicious, easy-to-prepare-and-store carb out of a single plant- a real space-saver for the limited sinkhole skyspace.

If your dwarves have cheese, the potato makes even more sense, because Potato+dairy is the easiest, most nutritionally complete survival food there is.

Finally, consider: Dwarven Vodka.

This post is open for anyone to comment suggestions on, but that's my take: put your dwarves in a Karst-sinkhole cave system, give them a highly in demand resource like salt or guano, bees, and taters. Boom. Whole agriculture, economy and political scheme starters.

[hotvintagepoll]

Hello! Do you have a favorite winter recipe? I'm looking to expand my repertoire, because I've only lived in a climate that snows for a couple years, and I don't have enough cozy, bone warming foods!

PS - I keep having to feed my cat pumpkin puree because he has some tummy troubles but he will only eat it if I gently hand feed him with a spoon. Just thought you might enjoy that.

YES HERE IS JOYOUS SOUP

(i have never actually called it joyous soup but it's what i feel everytime i make it and i feel like everyone should make it)

This soup does not have a proper recipe because uhh, my mom is bad with recipes but ALSO this soup truly adapts to whatever you have in your fridge, as long as you have 1) some kind of oil or butter to sautee things with and 2) potatoes. this is the sam gamgee make-it-on-the-side-of-a-mountain-winter soup.

Step 1. Take your potatoes—6 is the ideal but 4 works—and chop them up rough. "What kind of potatoes?" Whatever they have on the side of the mountain, Sam. You now have a bunch of 1" potato chunks or discs (I like discs). I assumed you washed them first but if you forgot you can wash them now.

Step 2. Get your oil or butter sizzling. I use about two tablespoons of butter to start and add more as I go if the potatoes don't look fully covered. I am probably cooking the butter on medium.

Step 3. You're putting the potatoes in the butter. You're pretending to fry them. Watch them get all buttery and golden and a little brown and crispy. You're thinking, man, I could eat these as they are right now. You could do that. Don't. Add garlic and onions if you have them. Add lots.

Step 4. Just as you're like oh MAN these potatoes and garlic and onions look really good fried just like this, you're going to swamp them in water. You're going to stare at what you've done and thought you made a mistake. You have not. The water should just be covering the potatoes and now you've turned the water up to high, staring at your weird sad soup pot, that smells deliciously of butter garlic onions and potatoes.

Step 5. In another saucepan, you are melting more butter (or oil, or what have you) and figuring out what else you have in your cupboard. Carrots? Those can go in. Parsnips could too. Spinach works nicely. Any onions or garlic you forgot can be added again now. Mushrooms are fucking fabulous. Leeks? Sublime. The only veg you should be avoiding are the ones that are secretly fruits (no watery tomatoes or squishy cucumbers) or the ones that you think are insipid (celery).

Step 6. You're chopping all of that up as much as you like and browning it up in the butter. You're also adding whatever spices strike your fancy. I love salt, so that's always going in, but I usually add black pepper and cayenne, and then I get fruity with it and start adding in paprikas and cumins and turmerics or corianders and thymes and basils and parsleys. It all depends on what smells right to you combined with the steams you're making, and how much spice you want kicking you later.

Step 7. How are your boiled potatoes looking? Are they soft yet? Good. Can you stick a fork in them yet, and has the water boiled down to almost nothing? Excellent. How are all your buttery brown vegetables looking? If you want to give up the whole experiment and eat them right out of the pan, it's time to make another mistake and add all your gorgeous browned vegetables to your disastrous wet potato pot.

Step 8. You now have a lot of delicious stuff looking wet and sad in your potato pot. Pour in a bit more water (or veg broth, or stock if you have it) and stir that all up. Let it stew together a bit and combine flavors. Turn it back down to medium so you don’t scorch any of your nice wet veg things. If you're fancy like my mom, you get out an immersion blender here. If you're broke and possess your grandmother's food processor, like me, you're pouring that all into the food processor with the biggest blade you have and turning it into a smoothie. If your concoction seems oddly chunky you need to add more water.

Step 9. Wet sad potato smoothie is not much to look at but now you're adding CREAM. and CHEESE. and MORE SPICES TO YOUR TASTE. If you don't have cream MILK WORKS FINE. If you don't have cheese THAT IS OKAY. If you like your soup with chunks LEAVE OUT SOME OF YOUR VEG NEXT TIME and ADD IT IN HERE. At this point, you have a gorgeous creamy soup that's soft and luscious (that's the potatoes), includes all your favorite veg (that's everything you got out of the fridge), and can go in any number of taste directions depending on what spices you put in (I've made this with Indian spices, English herb garden spices, Mexican spices, Hungarian spices—every time it's delicious and works a different way).

Step 10. I hope you have a lot of bread because you're going to be dipping it in your soup saying :) man this is a nice soup :) and knowing you can make it whenever you have weird leftovers, as long as you have potatoes and butter. and what else does a person need in life than potatoes and butter?

enjoy your joyous soup <3 i may have forgotten several steps but as long as you follow -brown some veg -add water -add spice -blend the shit out of it, you can never really go wrong <3

[yo9urt]

the mines were extremely fruitful...!

exploring the mines tonight...

[river-bottom-nightmare]

au where the batkids just sort of,,,,,,invent a new batkid

it starts fairly innocuously, a cowl for someone’s costume ends up the wrong shape or the wrong colour. dick, having dropped by the cave to hand off some evidence or beg alfred for his new potato recipe (most likely both), sees it and his instant reaction is oh my god did bruce adopt another child vigilante? he’s colour-coding us now? fucking splendid

the confusion is cleared up quickly, but everyone got such a good laugh out of it that they keep the new helmet, insisting it belongs to bruce’s new kid ecurb. their vigilante name is Shadow The Dark Lad Blackwing Moron-With-An-Orange-Helmet Batbird. ever so creative.

(bruce doesn’t want to know.)

they collectively design a new costume for him. they convince oracle to help them get ecurb into the system, though it really doesn’t take much convincing, just a bit of dick’s puppy eyes and the utter ridiculousness of the situation that has her cackling. ecurb’s backstory is that he was part of travelling circus in america when he was kidnapped, held as a hostage, and tortured by the joker, during which he learned of batman’s true identity and also How To Fight Good, then was sent to kill bruce but was adopted by him instead. he’s a little older than damian but a little younger than duke, fights exclusively with brass knuckles, and his costume is black with orange polka dots.

(bruce really doesn’t want to know)

they talk about good old ecurb, or batbird depending on the company, amongst themselves all the time. good old ecurb, the only bat fast enough to get cass in rooftop tag. i heard ecurb took on bane with nothing but a water balloon and an empty laptop case and won. well i heard ecurb can get the gotham’s corrupt politicians to apologize to him. yeah, well i heard ecurb’s secretly a meta whose power is to neutralize other metahumans, and bruce keeps him as the ultimate contingency plan.

they talk about ecurb so much that the justice league believes bruce really did acquire a new child. other superhero teams are a little more skeptical, but after several select appearances in which different batkids donned batbird’s armour and were conveniently caught on camera, even they start to believe it. the titans really want to meet this new vigilante who can actually, consistently get dick to sleep. young justice want to fight him. but ecrub’s always undercover, or on a mission, or recovering because bruce trusts him so much, he’s already putting him in charge of the big stuff.

(bruce really really doesn’t want to know)

there are legends about ecurb. photos of him looking powerful yet mysterious, a carbon copy of batman but with orange polka dots. there are stories of the villains ecurb took on singlehandedly and won. apparently the green lantern corps contacted him and he turned them down. apparently he infiltrated the fortress of solitude and now is the leading expert on kryptonian tech. ecurb doesn’t fall off a cliff, he just changes the altitude of his fight. ecurb crashed a plane into a mountain and the mountain apologized to him.

they fake ecurb’s death as part of a plan to save the world. over a hundred heroes show up at the funeral. clark’s heart aches at bruce’s red-rimmed, watery eyes. bruce is two seconds away from collapsing on the floor in disbelieving laughter. ecurb rises from the dead a couple weeks later, no worse for the wear. his new costume now includes orange and pink polka dots.

the bats swear to take the secret to the grave.

[thydungeongal]

First day of Adventuring

Our intrepid heroes, Jimothy, Montgormery, Theophany, Chuckles, Theodore, and Stevelyn (introduced in a previous post) arrive in the village of Balaz's Wish in the Empire of Irazor.

Irazor is ruled by necromancer Lucien of Irazor, a level 12 Magic-user. He has well-brushed brown hair, glowing black eyes and a nose ring (Uncomfortable). In the pocket: a dirty handkerchief, 3 sp and 2 gp.

The village of Balaz's Wish is a simple village nestled between two mountains. As the party arrive, they immediately head to the local drinking hole, "The Lost Torch Tavern," to check the local bulletin board for leads.

Help requested! A heirloom of sentimental value was stolen from me. I will reward anyone who is kind enough to get it back. Yours, Kyranthia of Akaana Heading to Hammering? Payment guaranteed to a trusty courier. Ask for Berwin Lacy

Montgormery, who has named himself party leader, decides that a simple delivery quest is unbecoming of a man of his noble stature and his retinue, so he leads the party on a visit to this Kyranthia of Akaana!

Kyranthia of Akaana. She has bulging red eyes, delicate features and gap teeth (Exhausted). In the pocket: a quill and 3 sp. Her Decorated Sword is lost (or so claimed). Finder's rewards is 230 gp.

The party then goes to gather some rumors at the tavern while having some drinks, overhearing the following:

Kyranthia of Akaana’s decorated sword (actually Sword +1, Locate Objects) is somewhere in the Hideout of the Feared Hopes Avoid going to Nightmare Wetlands. There’s a Giant Leech there. Safia of Atali is very secretive recently.

A quirk of Hexroll is that once I reveal the first rumor it also revealed the secret about Kyranthia's sword. Well, regardless, the party now has an approximate direction to which to head: while the exact location of the dungeon is still a mystery, they know it is due East-Northeast.

Deciding that they are much better off heading North via the road instead of trying to cut straight Northeast through the mountains, they follow the road and chance upon a peculiar sight in the woods.

There's a stream of clear water here, flowing gently between the woods, over the smooth rock ground. When exploring this area, a giant triangular artifact made of polished iron, with large pointy spears attached, can be found wedged near a water stream. There's a 1-in-6 chance to find a secret door leading inside the artifact and a successful INT check will allow using a contraption inside it. If used, the object will magically levitate and will travel 1d6 hexes in a matter of minutes before crashing into the ground again, dealing 1d6 damage to anyone inside.

No one in the party (even Montgormery) is stupid enough to try and mess with a UFO. Regaining their bearings, they decide to head Northeast, into the woods.

And find a tavern at the bend of a river.

"The Baker's Torch Tavern" is welcoming travellers and adventurers near a water stream.

The party decides to call it a night at this point. They dine on some local delicacies and have some ale, and then go to bed. (At this point the generator kind of fucked up imo: the tavern only has two rooms available. Instead I had everyone pay the prize of the roof and bench.)

Here's a quick look at the menu:

Stewed slices of chicken, glazed with garlic and wine and served with baked potatoes for 2 sp⬝ Stewed fillet of fish, glazed with red wine and served with steamed vegetables for 2 sp⬝ Stewed fillet of chicken, marinated in honey and herbs and served with steamed vegetables for 2 sp

And here's a look at the map (I have accidentally been pressing here and there and everywhere, so it's actually showing much more than it should):

What I have omitted from the above description: checks for random encounters (since they didn't yield anything interesting) and the roll for getting lost (the party didn't get lost so they have their bearings for now).

[kob131]

Lily Orchard and Pokemon: Gen 4

Yay, we get to hear Lily bitch more from now on.

"Gen 4 runs like shit because the game is trying to process 3D graphics all the time, like with battle transitions, health bars and movement!"

Then how the fuck do you explain Platinum, which ended up fixing all these issues then?

"Also I'm modding the game to remove the FPS cap and give myself a Ralts as the starter-"

W-w-wait, what?!

Why the fuck are you modding the games...in a retrospective all about looking back at the games as they hold up? Your complaints and footage WON'T line up, thus weakening your arguments!

Also, I don't give a fuck about how much you like Gardevoir. Ralts doesn't get an attacking move until Level 6. Starters start at Level 5. And Ralts is INTENTIONALLY weak to compensate for how strong it is fully evolved. Modding in a Ralts WILL affect your gameplay because the games aren't built for that.

For fuck's sake- USE A DIFFERENT TEAM!

"I encourage Barry to try and jump over the grass because I wanna see him get mauled by a Bidoof-"

Wait a minute. Was-was that fucking Peanut Butter from Pokemon Rusty?

...Oh great, Lily Orchard is probably taking her takes from Dorkly. That explains a lot.

"Well Ralts doesn't get an attacking move so I 'threw the match-'"

Sounding pretty salty there, Lily. Maybe you should try diversifying your teams and actually ENGAGE with the Pokemon by using a damn starter.

"I'm getting stopped all this time like a small child in a brony conve-"

I will call Taka in here to maul you, Lily. You were kicked out, deal with it.

"Uh oh! My Ralts is worse than a Magikarp! Whoopsie!"

Keep this in mind. It will be important later.

"Oh no! It takes a whole minute and ten seconds for me to get through an encounter with Team Galactic! TOO LONG!"

Speaking as someone who has played every Gen of Pokemon...as well as playing a few games with Pokemon's older, edgy brother SMT- You are making mountains out of mole hills Lily.

Games, especially RPGs given how they don't tend to be very interactive games, tell stories to stimulate the player's brain. This requires time, Lily. I know that you like being lulled into a silent stupor as evidenced by your love of Team Aqua/Magma and later Lysandre (No I am not joking) but most ACTUAL people like having some kind of engagement with the game. Pokemon, even at it's most verbose, is fucking SMALL POTATOES compared to your usual JRPG.

I brought up SMT for a reason Lily- that series compensates for having a less engaging battle system than Pokemon's by having a more robust story. If you played any SMT, even one like Nocturne- your brain would likely shut down.

JRPGs like having stories. You signed up for this with Pokemon. Now judge it accordingly.

"People gas up Cyrus as one of the best villains-!"

No they don't. They gas TEAM GALACTIC as one of the best villains because they fuck with the fundamental forces of existence, giving them an air of a series threat. I don't agree, I like Cyrus for being the only one with a reason for doing what he's doing. But people usually like him for the stuff OUTSIDE his home game.

"Reading Pokemon stories is just like watching subbed anime: reading the most inane bullshit!"

... Lily, you hate anything anime, don't you?

"Sinnoh ugly because grey and mud and forest gross!"

... 1- Lily, you literally show a grey tiled route being dyed orange in evening light.

2- Yes Lily. Mountainious regions and marshlands have mud and rocks.

And 3- The forest looks dark and damp because that's a fucking FOREST. If you paid attention the BGM in the previous forests, you'd notice that is what the developers intend the forest areas to be like. You basically just said ''the previous three gens completely failed at their jobs!'

*Lily proceeds to have a fake existential nightmare about Pokemon and Youtube*

Cool Lily. Too bad you mention these minor things and not...you know...the strewn path of broken lives you've left in your wake on this planet.

Could have had some kind of respect for you.

"Pokemon games hold your hand like a creepy uncle with a MLP collec-"

@takashi0 get in here! Lily's being an ass about bronies again!

"Oh my god! So many forced tutorials! Why won't they let me skip everything like the Underground tutorial! POKEMON BAD!"

Lily, the reason why the game won't let you skip the Bike is because you NEED it to progress the game and it gives you an improved movement option. It also won't let you skip the Egg tutorial because Pokemon breeding is necessary for getting certain Pokemon or helping you get certain Pokemon (like multiple starters). And this is why you can't skip the catching tutorial: you'd just be throwing Pokeballs at random and failing constantly.

These are necessary aspects of the game. A game for kids who may have never played a Pokemon game before. Deal with it.

"I don't know why I'm here, I just keep ignoring the dialogue."

So you talk about the story being ass...while acknowledging that you aren't paying attention to said story...

Like, I know that Lily is implying she's long since gone through the game and experienced the story, hates it and is now skipping over it but you are now making a retrospective of the games. Now would be a good time to pay attention and possible reconsider your stance.

"HMs are so cool! You can use your Pokemon to transverse the region! People are so dumb for bitching about them. You have 24 moveslots, just set aside some and forget coverage, dumbbnuts!"

So what you're saying is that we should have random required HMs in Pokemon Gyms to challenge them properly? You know, like Chuck's Gym? That you couldn't complete without backtracking?

Or that maybe we should have moves like Cut, Rock Smash, Flash, Whirlpool and Defog (which you basically call useless) be necessary! After all, who cares about player expression? It's just 20.8% of your moveslots!

... This is why you use your BRAIN Lily.

"You need to adapt to roadblocks, you useless clowns!"

Remember this, it will be important later.

"Archie and Maxie were charmingly stupid but Cyrus is completely crazy!"

A- That's intentional with Cyrus and UNINTENTIONAL with your favs.

And B- You outright emphasized that they were gonna blow up a volcano to try and expand water/land for Pokemon. How is THAT not crazy?

"Barry demands yet ANOTHER Battle-"

It's the fourth fucking battle Lily. Just because you cut yourself anytime a rival shows up doesn't make it excessive.

"*another 'cobs bad' joke*-"

Yeah yeah, you want cops gone because your abuse victims keep calling them on you and you have a bad experience with them.

Move on.

"Hey I'm not a cop, it's not unethical if I go on a rampage-"

You REALLY don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you?

"Cyrus can no be cult leader, HE HAVE NO MOTIVE OR PESONALLITY!"

...

"Fellow members of Team Galactic! Hear me! My name, as I appear to you today, is Cyrus. This world of ours is a crude one. In a word, it is incomplete. It has been, and always will be, a struggle to survive in this world. We humans and Pokémon are likewise incomplete. Because we are all so lacking, we fight, we maim... It is ugly. I hate the incompleteness. That we are all incomplete, I hate it with my entire body and being. The world should be complete. The world must change. Then, who will change it? Me, Cyrus. And Team Galactic. Yes, all of you. Together we pored over myths and exposed their secrets. Together we captured legendary Pokémon. And now, Team Galactic has obtained the energy to change the world! The power of dreams is within our grasp! Understand it, fellow members! My long-held dreamworld is on the verge of becoming reality. All those headed to Mt. Coronet, and those who remain here... Though our missions may differ, our hearts beat as one. Let there be glory for Team Galactic!"

-

"But, I must say... You are a remarkable specimen. Those Pokémon have nothing to do with you, do they? But still you come to rescue them out of pity? Such pitifully useless emotions... It's illogical and irrational. Pity and compassion are products of the weak and faulty human heart. You were compelled to come here by such vacuous sentimentality! I will make you regret paying heed to your heart!"

Perhaps pay attention to the fucking dialogue, Lily. Because these are pretty blunt and obvious examples. Cyrus appeals to people feeling that the world is harsh and unfair, promising them a bright tomorrow if they listen to him. Then he explains how he believes emotions have caused these problems so he wishes to erase them.

"Oh really Looker? You think I'm so dumb that-"

Lily, you just got done humiliating yourself by being outsmarted by a children's game and will continue that streak throughout this video.

Yes, you are that dumb.

"Cyrus has double the dialogue Maxie and Archie have in these games but it is so stilted and devoid of personality! Archie and Maxie are SOO much better by being stupid and trying to better the world-!"

Lily, those guys were not intended on being stupid. They were intended to be well intentioned extremists. They seem stupid because the games made their acts so dumb that the intentions are overshadowed by their stupidity.

Cyrus does more than try to be evil, you can tell from comparing his dialogue to Giovanni's-

"Blast it all! You ruined our plans for Silph! But Team Rocket will never fall! <Player>, never forget that all Pokémon exist for Team Rocket! I must go, but I shall return!"

And his so-called 'stilted' dialogue would probably fit a man who is OPENLY TRYING TO RID THE WORLD OF EMOTION. If your assessment is correct- that would be good writing.

Archie and Maxie are badly written. You are praising bad writing over good writing.

"Platnium has gotten away from the feeling of adventure that makes Pokemon good-"

You know what helps with a sense of adventure Lily?

A story. Something to give structure and stimulation to the player.

You praised one of the dullest games in the series in Emerald and are going to praise THE dullest game in the series. All while demonizing the games that actually stimulate.

You're full of shit.

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

Please get into fwhip being malnourished you mentioned it in the gender post and 👀

oh i WOULD LOVE TO. content warnings for discussion of famine and disordered eating below the cut. this is just a very fucking sad ramble for a lot of the time, strap in.

so in my heart of hearts, the grimlands is a very old empire, and it is an empire on the decline. fwhip is the last count of the grimlands because of the rapture, yes, but had the rapture not happened, or had the grimlands survived it, fwhip would’ve probably been one of the last few counts anyways. the last few generations of counts and countesses have been problematic for various reasons- warmongers, incompetent, greedy, etc., and this has resulted in the grimlands greatly decreasing in size by the time gem and fwhip are born, as well as loosing a lot of their allies and trade routes.

they haven’t lost every ally, of course. the wither rose alliance predates canon, with mythland and the grimlands being the original founders of it a long time ago, and gilded helianthia being incorporated in when it became a sovereign nation (as it was originally part of mythland) a few generations prior. they maintain trade with both of these empires, but otherwise don’t have any real allies. mythland also has the warmongering problem that the grimlands has had, but because mythland and gilded helianthia’s exports (iron and wheat/plants, respectively) are much more important to everyday life than the grimlands’ main export, their trade relationships remain, even if they’re rocky. i personally hc almost all of the emperors we see to fall into the categories of “ill prepared/trained to be a ruler”, “became a ruler way too young”, and/or “is the first ruler of their empire and as such has no idea what they’re doing”, which is something that has its pros and cons. one pro, though, is that they are generally much more willing to disregard their past grudges, at least for trade, and maybe to be friends with each other, than their ancestors. so these issues are definitely improving by the time fwhip becomes count, but the tension is still there and he is certainly not helping the problem.

the grimlands is also a very inhospitable empire, in terms of its environment. they live in rocky, mountainous areas, making for soil that can’t support many crops other than root vegetables (carrots and potatoes). its cold, basically all year, but the winters are particularly harsh. it’s generally very hard to farm plants or animals there, though obviously not impossible. it does mean that the grimlands relies very heavily on a quite small variety of food to survive, outside of trading for food with their slim number of allies.

these traits all coalesce into one very, very bad event in fwhip and gem’s childhood- a famine that absolutely ravages the grimlands. it starts because the potatoes are struck with a disease that makes the entire harvest basically inedible, and the carrot harvest is far from enough to feed the entire empire. they still have trading with their allies, of course, but at the same time, a different disease/animal infestation (not quite sure which yet) strikes the grain of gilded helianthia and mythland. this is bad for everyone involved, but gilded helianthia doesn’t only grow wheat to eat, so they’re able to still feed their people, they just don’t have the food to spare for their allies. mythland has more of a problem on that front, but they have allies that the grimlands do not, such as rivendell, who are more than willing to get iron for a new, arguably cheaper, food price while the problem is being dealt with. both of the other WRA empires spare what they can to the grimlands, but it’s not much. they have their own people to feed first and foremost.

so the grimlands, in gem and fwhip’s youth, suffers greatly from this famine. eventually, yes, they are able to recover, but not without significant loss. gem and fwhip, as nobility, get priority picking for the food (which i think personally disgusts them, i’ll get into that a bit), but they’re not unscathed. i think this famine is a contributing factor to the death of their mother, as well. it doesn’t kill her, but it doesn’t help a woman who already had some pretty significant health issues to not be able to access the same diet she had previously. even after recovering, the famine is visible in the grimlands’ people for years afterwards. gem and fwhip struggle to put on weight, and the fact that they’re both as tall as they are is a miracle (and can be at least partially attributed to the draconic in their bloodline, though that’s quite far back at this point). fwhip, i will note, does not help himself in this regard when he gets older.

here’s where we get into the disordered eating discussion. i wanted to bring it up again, since i imagine that’s a trigger more people are familiar with than famine.

one of the last notable interactions fwhip has with xornoth is the nightmare sequence that he, gem, and katherine(? don’t quote me on her being the third person) also experience. after that, he falls out of the xornoth plot a little bit, but in my mind he continues to have those nightmares when gem and katherine do not. gem and katherine continue to get visited by actual xornoth, but fwhip (and a few other emperors who get their own unique bullshit) are not worth xornoth’s time and energy to constantly visit. but of course, can’t let them get too complacent by leaving them alone entirely (unless you’re joel, he’s an outlier though). these nightmares suck and they are consistent, and fwhip starts searching for potential reasons he’s still getting them when xornoth doesn’t otherwise seem to care about him.

his first thought is the fertilizer. y’know. the corruption tentacles that he turned into fertilizer. there’s no way that’s not involved somehow, right? but the fertilizer is good, it’s borderline magic, it means his people are getting more consistent harvests and he knows they need that. and the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, so fwhip keeps turning the occasional corruption into fertilizer (against gem’s better judgement) and just doesn’t eat the plants his empire grows.

but that doesn’t work, so he keeps thinking. well, the livestock are eating these plants too, aren’t they? maybe whatever’s getting into the plants is carrying into the animals too. so then he stops eating the livestock as well.

at this point, he’s only eating the stuff he gets from other people, from the wandering salesmen who come by the grimlands or the crystal cliffs, the golden carrots gem gives him, the like. there’s the fish, too, but there’s a bit of a religious aversion to eating them and fwhip isn’t particularly religious anymore but that did stick, so he really tries to avoid it. the problem with relying on other people is something i mentioned in the original post- fwhip is horrified of looking weak, of looking small, and admitting enough about this situation to get food is textbook vulnerability that he’s not gonna do, so he doesn’t. so he’s not eating nearly as much as he needs to from that point until xornoth gets locked away, at which point the nightmares do stop for real. (or the nightmares sent from god do, the mental illness ones remain, but they’re not as much of a constant problem)

that whole situation combined with the famine in his early childhood makes it insanely difficult for fwhip to get proper nutrition for the rest of his life. his stomach so small now, he’s not able to eat that much food without getting sick. he’s getting the right balance of nutrients, but he’s just not getting enough of it. the rapture, which i think gives him a ton of new issues, also compounds on this a bit, and the fact that he survives even a few months after the event are really contingent on the fact that he has gem to help him. because without her (or anyone who could help him get back on his feet after all that, gem was just who was there) things would’ve probably gotten very dire indeed, with his mental health after the fact compounding his new physical issues, compounding the old ones. he’s got. problems.

this is such a sad fucking rant i went on my god. this is what happens when you have autism guys.

[x-candy-guts-x]

PaRT TWO

•You were going to head for the door when it opened before you could get to it. In its doorway stood a tall, muddied grey and black crocodilian scaled individual in his classic dark mask.

•”NOT YOU-“ you tried to bolt past him when you were shocked. You grasped at the collar in pain. You were going to attempt to get it off but you were grabbed by the rear of it and thrown back into the room onto the bed.

•”Ooman of mountain not in danger!” Next to you a little voice rang out. The little toddler bastard, the chubby youngest of the group that you’d saved previously rang out and you pulled back in shock. You looked to the big one and back to the little one.

•”oh. Great. You sent your fucking kid to drug me.”

•a chuffle and rapid clicking came from the adult, The one who bought you in the first place. He strides across the room in just a couple steps, ruffling the kids head and leaning down to your eye level.

•”I will remove.” He said lowly. Pointing to the collar around your neck. “If you behave.” nodding you agreed. His scaly hands came up and with surprising care removed the clasp. His claws just barely grazing the bruising. You rubbed your neck and remained silent. The door was still wide open. You could try to make a run for it. But where would you go? They knew of your cave. You could try running up river but the tracks would be obvious. Swim? Maybe.. but with the recent rain the current would still be pretty hard to work against.

•he stood up and offered you his hand. Carefully you took it and he guided you to the living room. The place looked small, cozy, and sort of like a bungalow. It was and dimly lit and the front door was wide open. He gestured for you to have a seat while he walked into the kitchen. His son now across the room playing with his wooden T-rex.

•You considered making a run for it. But looking outside you had to guess it was every bit of a 100ft drop. The stairs spiraled down the trunk and to the ground but it would take you much longer to navigate that than it would him. On one of the larger seats you saw your stuff. Your pelts were in a small pile and your knife and wood for carving where sitting on top of it. He’d went and gone out of his way to bring your things here. Sitting down you began carving until he brought you some food. It looked like some sort of dried meat and mashed potato. Only the potato was a blue color. You’d fallen asleep towards the end of your next carving. This one being a praying mantis about the size of your fist. It’s wings splayed out like it was flying. You were rather proud of this one. Your yautja picked up your limp form and his sons and brought the two of you to the main bedroom. You were laid on the floor with some soft furs and the one you’d managed to kill not to long ago was draped over you like a blanket. It was like a wild boar but it had six tusks and large spikes went down it’s back. You debated even trying to hunt it but upon seeing how docile it was and how absolutely hungry you were you went for it. Using the spikes and tusks for more carving material. It was covered in cotton soft black fur only about a cm thick. It felt much like a chinchilla, just big and scarier looking.

•When morning came the two yautjas were nowhere to be seen. You took the opportunity to explore the tree house. It wasn’t too big, mostly just tall and decor was fairly sparse save for the mounted skulls and one picture on the side of his bedroom. It had him, a taller female and his son but as an infant. There was also a furry six tusked pig. ‘Ah shit.’

• all day long for the coming days you carved away. About two weeks in youd assembled a whole menagerie of wooden critters. You gave the little yautja who you came to know as (bro I have no idea someone help me or he’s gonna be called timmy 🔫) quite a few over that time and his dad you called crock. His scales and color reminded you of the salt water crocodiles back home. You began carving him one when they both came through the door. You stood up and greeted them and the little one hugged your legs. He didn’t really speak much but the wonder in his eyes said it all. You were his magical ooman of the mountain. Bringer of wooden creatures. Smiling you reached for the chair and held out a large cloth. Wrapped up in it were several carvings. Pointing at the door you looked to his dad. Hoping they would get the idea to give these carvings to the other children.

• crock shook his head. You could see his face due to the mask but his posture loosened. He took hold of the cloth in one hand and yours in the other. “It is time tiny ooman met her little followers.” This puzzled you but you didn’t have much time to dwell on it when you were slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and out the door y’all went. Making it to the ground he sat you down and the group went quiet. The kids all stared at you wide eyed as crock handed you back the cloth. He nudged you forward. There was a pause. You laid the cloth on the ground and opened it. The pile of maybe six wooden figures revealed and the children ran to you.

•he watched from the side with the other adults as you told them stories of the creatures of earth. You still didn’t have the heart to tell them that deer were in fact not massive dangerous carnivores. His chest filling with a sense of calm joy as you played with the little ones. And also, a bit of sadness.

This is so bad and I can’t believe it took me like three days to come up with it ugh. Anyway I’m debating doing one last part but I’m not entirely sure how to wrap it up. I have a rough idea but let me know if you want me to include anything specific :) I also have requests open so feel free to slam one into my inbox lol.

Edit: welp here’s the next part lmao

[jinxxangel13]

Phantom of the Night

Chapter 8:

~Masterlist~ ~Prev~ ~Next~

Recap:

“Let’s clear out to exfil.”

“Probably gonna need stitches.” Phantom groaned, earning a small yet pained smile from the man in front of her.

Ever since the teams sent out for Hassan came back, they were not only empty handed but also returned with half the amount of soldiers they left with, and almost everyone came back with some sort of injury. The med bay hadn’t been this full since it was built, but even as short staffed as they are, they had never been so efficient.

Kit was flittering about from soldier to soldier working first on anyone with major abrasions that needed stitches, leaving the more minor ones to the two nurses helping her to give her more time to get around the rooms.

She would do her best to keep each soldier’s attention off of what she was doing, instead asking mundane questions about themselves.

“Do you like video games? What kind do you play?”

“What’s your favorite food?”

“What’s your favorite season?”

“Beach or Mountain range?”

It seemed to work, earning more than a few laughs even as they were getting a range of techniques varying from sutures to butterfly bandages, all from different levels of injuries: Gunshots, explosion burns, shrapnel damage, knife wounds, and concussions were most common for this lot.

After almost 10 hours of working nonstop, Kit finally got a break in the form of going back to her office to get a head start on updating all of the medical files from this past mission. 

One plane crash. 7 KIA. Multiple injuries. All in the span of a couple hours. She had a long night ahead of her, more like morning since it was almost dawn at this point, 

With a sigh, Kit straightened her lab coat situated over her black thigh-length pleated skort and long sleeve blue shirt before heading out of the medical wing. Her first stop was to grab something from the mess hall; it was too late for dinner to still be going on, but she knew there were a few leftovers in the refrigerators in the back. The cooks always let her get what she needed, especially after noticing she would very rarely get time to make it for a meal and only ever got there afterwards. There were times where they would leave a plate in front of her office or barracks room door, always being thanked profusely the following day.

A smile made its way on her face as she opened the mess hall fridge, seeing a plate piled high with two ham sandwiches, mashed potatoes, some fruit, and peas and carrots. Kit quickly scribbled on the pad of paper in her coat pocket and wrote out a thank you, leaving it plastered to the front of the appliance before making her way back towards her office.

Kit greeted a few people on her route between buildings, checked back in with the on-duty nurse, and then made her way around the corner to her office. At least she would have gone around the corner, except what felt like a brick wall was in her way.

“Bloody hell.”

Kit stepped back, glad that she had a good grip on her plate of food, lest she drop it and make a fool of herself more so than what she just did. She looked up in confusion, following the black outline up, and up, and up.

“Holy shit, you’re fucking big up close.”

A snort sounded from the man in front of her, the skull balaclava covering his face moving up, barely concealing what would be a smile.

“Fuckin’ hell, L.T. Tryin’ teh kill our medic?”

Soap MacTavish appeared from behind Ghost, patting him on the shoulder as he rounded his way to stand in front of Kit. She tilted her head slightly, silver eyes studying them closely, almost unnerving to the two of them with how she looked over every little detail.

“Didn’t see either of you in med bay. You good?”

Soap smiled, gently touching her right shoulder, squeezing slightly before heading back the way she came from.

“For you, Doc? Always. See yeh ‘round, Bonnie!” 

Ghost looked back down to Kit, a slight tilt in his head as he studied her just as she had done to him and Soap. 

“You’re hurt.” Is all he said to her, gruff voice startling her out of her thinking.

“What?” 

Ghost raised his hand, touching the right side of his forehead before nodding to herself.

Kit raised her hand up towards her forehead in confusion, brushing against the skin exposed from her hat and hissing at the pain. Her eyes lit up in realization that Ghost could see the butterfly bandage and a nervous chuckle left her mouth. 

“Shit. Yeah, I fell and hit my head pretty hard. Honestly, I completely forgot about it, what with all the people in my wing needing help.” She shrugged, looking away from his hazel eyes that stared deep into her.

Ghost hummed, nodding as if the answer satisfied him.

“Be careful.”

With that, he turned and followed the direction of wherever Soap went.

Kit sighed in relief, happy to finally be away from everyone when she closed her office door behind her. She just needed a few minutes to herself.

[strayheartless]

To your Mountain Kid/Jungle Kid HC, I bet Zack and Cloud bond over not being such nErDs as AGS (affectionately).

Genesis' parents probably raised him on the classics, emphasizing education and achievement over everything.

Gillian was a whole Shinra scientist, and probably raised Angeal with all the knowledge she could provide, because education is often vital to escaping poverty. And because she's a nerd.

Sephiroth "Lab Experiment" Crescent...no further commentary needed.

Any funny scenes of ZC vs the AGS nerds?

❤️

Cloud and Zack Bond over superstitions that are somewhat similar between Gongaga and Nibelhiem. They find out that both Villiages have similar superstitions surrounding Shoes. In Gongaga its bad luck to put new Shoes on the table; while in Nibelhiem its Bad luck to leave shoe's on the table and extra bad luck if one of them falls off the table.

They also bond over the Cryptids that live in their respective woods, and AGS are forever horrified when Cloud goes into great detail about the Nibelhiem not-possom, which is infinatly more fucked up than anything they have ever heard. Zack then tells them about the Gongaga Frog man and its game over, no one can sleep.

Cloud once cussed Angeal out for stiring a pot anti clockwise. He then proceeded to tap every potato against the side board until Angeal saked him why and Cloud looked at him like he'd lost dang his mind as he replied "does Banora not have Potato mites??"... Angeal then goes on a three day Moogle rabbit hole to find out what the hell potato mites are and why Nibelhiem is effected by them so badly.

Cloud and Zack once had a fight with Sephiroth over the scientific likelyhood of world events being predicted by sparrow/parrot bones. It got so heated Zack (not Cloud) threw a lightning spell at his head. They are no longer allowed to apply science to country boy religious practices.

Cloud once slapped Genesis square in the face for rocking an empty rocking chair.

While on mission in Modaohiem during their first few weeks as mentor and student, Angeal started whistling in the dark, and Zack nearl had ten blue fits on him.

Angeal grew up never wasting food, but he has to sit and marvel at how far Cloud takes 'waste not, want not' as a mantra. It's round about the time that Cloud not only makes soup, but also makes fertiliser for Angeals plants that Angeal realises he knows nothing.

Sephiroth nearly lost his mind when he found out that both Zack and Cloud take their paychecks in hard cash and don't trust the banks. Like he legitimately couldn't fathom why they wouldn't have bank accounts, or debit cards.

Genesis thought he knew everything there was to know about ancient literature, But Cloud and Zack both know word of mouth Stories that he has NEVER heard before and has been told on pain of death that if he writes them down, no one will ever find his body.

Sephiroth is pretty no nonsense about most of the boys superstitions, but even he has to admit that when it comes to weather prediction on missions, Cloud is usually right.

There was one very memorable time in Nibelhiem, when They all got sent out for mushrooms for dinner, and Angeal 'plant expert' Hewely swore blind he knew the differences between mushrooms, only to have Cloud save him three seperate times from eating death caps.

Cloud once threw Salt in Sephiroths face after he heared he'd been down to the old train yard (you know the one with the ghosts).

Genesis met Claudia strife while on mission in Nibelhiem once and she thought he was a Cryptid trying to lure her into the woods. she slapped him. why do people keep slapping him?!

[secretobsessionstuff]

Alexi Appendicitis

I'm really happy with this! There's so much hurt/comfort. I had blast writing it!

CW: Medical emergency, appendicitis, ruptured appendix, mention of possible death. Do not fear, Alexi is perfectly fine at the end!

-----------------

It was unfortunate that Madix and Riley couldn’t join the gang on vacation when they were the ones who suggested the ski lodge in the first place. They’d been to this winter resort before and knew that their friends would absolutely love it. Despite coming down with a nasty flu while they’d been there, Madix still remembered the trip fondly. Hopefully nothing like that would happen this time around for their friends. 

Micah and Alexi ended up getting a room across the hall from Dakota and Blair. Dark wood, lush carpets, and dim lighting made the lodge feel cozy and warm. A fire crackled nearly everywhere they went. It was exactly what they expected and exactly what they needed. The four of them were tired from travel. They sluggishly dropped their suitcases off at their rooms before heading down to the dining hall for a late dinner. 

Alexi lingered at the doorway, hesitant to follow Micah down to the main floor where the smell of steak and onions wafted up from. 

“You coming?” Micah popped his head back into the room where his boyfriend stood rigidly with a hand over his abdomen. 

“I’m not that hungry. My stomach still feels off from the drive here.” He wasn’t prone to motion sickness, but the ride must have messed with his insides because a dull ache still nested above his hip bone. It was an odd place for a stomach-ache. On vacation was also an unfortunate place to get a stomach-ache so bad he felt like his intestines were knotted up. 

“I bet there’s tea at the dining hall. That might help settle your stomach.” As Micah said this, he realized that a ski lodge would probably have the best selection of warm teas. Chamomile, peppermint, ginger, you name it, they would help with Alexi’s pain. Relaxing with their friends was likely to take his mind of the ache as well. “Please come with me, Lexi. I want to spend all my time with you.” 

“You already do that.” 

“Ah but not in a hot tub or by the biggest fucking fireplace I’ve ever seen. Come on, we’ll have a good time, I promise.” 

Alexi couldn’t resist Micah’s soft eyes. Of course, he followed his boyfriend to the main hall where the most comforting of food was being served. Mashed potatoes, cheesy casseroles, and baby carrots that shone with a brown sugar glaze. Not to mention all the hot chocolate one could ever need. Alexi figured it wouldn’t be long before his boyfriend found the chocolate fondue that spilled over in a fountain. He decided to eat the fresh fruit that went with the fondue but skipped the thick chocolate syrup. 

“Yo guys!” Dakota exclaimed when they met at a table. The table was a literal tree trunk that had been sanded, stained, finished with a glossy layer. Dakota set his massive plate down on the wood. “There’s a whole section dedicated to cheese. I love this place!” Blair’s plate was piled high as well. She smiled and shook her head at Dakota while digging in. 

The two of them wore plaid sweaters and warm beanies, really embracing the cozy vibes. Alexi didn’t understand how they could wear such heavy clothing without melting. He wore only a short sleeve shirt and was still sweating. From the beneath the table, he dragged his palm over the sore spot in his tummy, feeling feverish and fatigued. 

“You’re being very conservative with your food selection, Alexi,” Blair remarked as she eyed his plate of fruit and crackers. “Kota would be more than happy to show you to the cheese table.” 

Micah laughed for Alexi and placed a hand on his back. “Lexi’s still feeling a bit bad from the drive here.” 

Blair frowned sadly. “It could also be altitude sickness. We’re pretty high up in the mountains.” 

Alexi hadn’t thought of that, but it was very likely. He was dizzy, fatigue, and nauseous. He groaned, realizing that the entire trip would be spent above the clouds. He put his head in his hands right there at the table and let out another loud groan. “How do I make it go away?” 

“You just have to let your body adjust. You should feel better tomorrow morning.” Blair quickly pulled out a bottle of Tylenol from her purse. “Altitude sickness can mess with your sleep, so you can take these pills to make you drowsy. It’ll also help with the headache.” 

Alexi gladly took the medication. He hoped it would start working fast. “Thank you, Blair.” 

“Don’t mention it. I just want to crush you all at skiing tomorrow and I can’t do that if you’re sick.” 

Dakota laughed. “Honey, we’re supposed to be relaxing on this trip, not turning it into a competition.” 

“Winning is relaxing for me.” She beamed at the three of them and smirked. When her eyes landed back on Alexi, the smile faded from her face. He really didn’t look well. His features were twisted in pain, sweat dripped from his temples, and his eyes were lifeless. “Don’t worry, Lex, you’ll be a worthy opponent by the morning.” 

“I hope so,” Alexi said, already falling asleep at the table.

It wasn’t long after that before Micah rose from his chair with a hand on Alexi’s neck. “I think it’s time I get this one to bed. Does that sound good, baby?” To which Alexi nodded weakly. 

“Blair and I were going to go in the hot tub later. Do you want to join us?” Dakota asked. 

“Maybe. I’ll have to see how Alexi feels.” 

Micah helped his boyfriend up and together they walked back to the room. He helped Alexi get ready for bed. The sheets were nice and cold when he got under the blankets. “Go with ‘em in the hot tub,” Alexi slurred as he pulled the blankets up around his neck. “I’ll be fine.��� 

“Are you sure?” Micah leaned over to kiss his boyfriend. 

“Yes.” Drowsy and drained, Alexi drifted off to sleep before Micah’s lips even left his forehead. 

• • •

It was not quite dawn when Alexi was woken up by a horrible pain in his belly. His partner slept soundly next to him, hair mussed and snoring softly. Oh, how Alexi would have loved to drift off back to sleep for a few more hours, cuddled up next to Micah. He could imagine how Micah would instinctively pull him closer even in his slumber. It would be warm and safe and perfect. 

But nope! His stomach wasn’t going to let him do that. It felt like someone was punching him repeatedly in his abs. Each spasm made him tense up and clench every muscle in his body. He rolled out of bed and staggered to the bathroom. The pain made walking hard, so he shuffled along the carpet like an old man, hunched over and mumbling about everything that was wrong in the world. 

His breathing was shallow and rapid as he lowered himself to the floor in front of the toilet. When another sharp stab coursed through his abdomen, he lurched forward with a heave. A decent wave of vomit splattered into the water. He gripped the edge of toilet so hard his knuckles blended into the white porcelain. The sick burned the back of his throat and his nose. 

He was in the middle of coughing and clearing the phlegm from his throat when the next wave slammed into him. The pain burst from the middle of his belly, filling his guts with what felt like poison. More sick landed in the water below and splashed back up at him as if to say fuck you. 

Alexi groaned. If this was altitude sickness, he vowed to never leave lower grounds again. Sweat drenched his back and armpits, yet he shivered on the bathroom floor. He felt his body losing the battle against gravity. Eventually he lay down completely, resting his head on the soft bathmat. He must have been vomiting for over an hour because when he looked at his phone, it read that it was almost six in the morning. How much longer did he want to let Micah sleep before his craving for comfort and human contact became unbearable? Like Dakota said, this trip was supposed to be relaxing. There was nothing relaxing about being woken by your partner who was whining on the floor.

But Alexi let himself whine and groan because it hurt so damn much. He curled into a fetal position and weakly called out Micah’s name. The first attempt was pathetic. He could barely hear his own gravelly voice. 

“Micah!” He tried again. That was louder but Micah stayed asleep. Alexi had left the bathroom door open so he could see his boyfriend from where he lay. There was some tossing and turning from in the bed, but the snoring carried on. 

Standing was not an option. Alexi didn’t think he’d ever be able to straighten his back again. He had to protect his stomach that had been churning and aching since he’d been rudely awoken by it. So, yelling it was. “Micah! Micah please, hear me.” 

Finally, Micah’s groggy voice came through. “Baby?” It took a while for Micah to untangle himself from the blankets, orientate himself, and raise his head enough to see that he was alone in the bed. “Lexi?” Micah looked around and eventually noticed his boyfriend lying in the bathroom. He jumped up quicker than Alexi thought possible. 

“Oh no, honey,” Micah rasped out as he got to his knees next to his boyfriend. He brushed the sweaty hair from Alexi’s face and clicked his tongue worriedly against the roof of his mouth. “You’re not doing so well, are you?” 

Alexi shook his head. “I can’t stop throwing up.” He wanted to cry. “Blair said I’d feel better in the morning.” 

“She lied to you so there’d be one less person to beat.” Micah smirked when Alexi didn’t. “I’m kidding. I don’t think it’s altitude sickness.” Micah felt every inch of Alexi’s face. His forehead, his cheek, his chin, everything was flushed and alive with heat. “You’ve definitely got a fever. It’s probably a stomach bug, babe.” 

Micah hugged Alexi to his chest when the poor boy moaned miserably. They sat on the floor together until the early morning came and went. Alexi vomited on and off until the sun came up. He suffered in pain while the rest of the resort started to wake up. The smell of pancakes and coffee taunted him. 

By 9 o’clock, Alexi still didn’t trust himself to stand. His stomach gurgled and churned relentlessly. Coincidentally. Micah’s stomach also started making noise. 

“You’re hungry. You need breakfast,” Alexi said. His lips were dry and cracked, and his voice was shot. 

“I could use some coffee.” Micah yawned. 

“I bet Dakota and Blair are wondering where we are.” 

“I’ll text them.” Before Micah could text their friends, a knock came at the door. The two of them looked at each other knowingly. Micah got to his feet. “Can I let them in?” 

“Yeah whatever.” 

As expected, Dakota and Blair were just as sympathetic and apologetic as Micah when he explained what was going on. 

“Shit, man. I’m sorry,” Dakota said as he sat on the unmade bed. Blair chose to pace worriedly. “At least you’ve got the coziest place to recover in.” 

Blair continued to walk back and forth in the middle of the conversation.

“I feel really bad,” Alexi said softly. “I never wanted to stress anybody out. I’ll be fine.” Even as he said this, Alexi felt a shooting pain in his belly. He tried to keep his expression neutral as sweat appeared on his forehead. Only Blair seemed to notice the change. 

“Don’t be,” Dakota said. “These things happen, and we just want you to feel better.” Dakota couldn’t stop himself from being distracted from his girlfriend who paced the room. He threw his hands up. “Bee, would you stop pacing. It’s a stomach bug. He’ll be right as rain in less than twenty-four hours.” 

“I know. I know. It’s just—I don’t know, I’m worried. That’s all.” Blair plopped herself down on the bed next to Dakota. He took her hand and kissed it, claiming that it cured all anxieties. 

That’s when Micah spoke up for the first time in a while. He’d been chewing his thumbnail quietly in the corner. “Baby, I’m worried too. I don’t feel good about leaving you alone when you’ve got a fever.” 

Alexi had insisted earlier than the three of them enjoy the day while he stayed in the room. He didn’t want his friends to miss out on skiing just because he had a stomach-ache—the worst stomach-ache he ever had, but he didn’t tell them that. Micah had taken his temperature properly with a thermometer and it had only been mild. That had settled it for Alexi. He would rest and his friends would still get to have fun. 

“Micah please, you have to go. I’ll feel worse if I keep you in here with me.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, baby. I’m fine.” 

“And we’ll only be gone for a few hours,” Dakota added. “We’ll come up and check on you before lunch.” 

“That sounds perfect.” Alexi really hoped he’d be able to fall asleep within that time. As much as he wanted his boyfriend to have fun, he wasn’t looking forward to suffering with this pain while alone and conscious. He decided to take more medication that would knock him out and hopefully he’d be right as rain, as Dakota said, when he woke up.

It was six in the evening when Alexi woke up properly. He vaguely remembered seeing his boyfriend around noon when the gang came back in for lunch. He’d been too out of it to say anything. All he knew was that Micah rubbed his back when he had to vomit around the thermometer in his mouth. It took a few tries, but eventually Micah got a good reading. It was still a mild fever. 

The pain in his side stayed at a constant 7. It was bad enough that Alexi saw black spots in his vision, but not bad enough that he suspected anything worse than a stomach bug. This particular bug must have found a cozy spot in the corner of his digestive tract. It felt like it was snuggled away in a small nook, causing destruction and mayhem in his belly without moving from his side.

This time, Alexi was awake enough to talk with his boyfriend. He relished the cold kiss that Micah left on his forehead. His boyfriend’s face was still pink and raw from the snowburn. The goggles that protected him from the wind had left marks around his eyes. The slopes had left a smile on his lips, but the worrisome state of his partner was melting that grin off. 

“Are you still throwing up?” Micah asked as he took the toque off his head. His hair was a mop of tangles and sweat. He scratched his scalp and was beginning to feel the exhaustion from the exciting day. 

Alexi nodded sadly, “It’s mostly dry heaves now.” 

“How long ago?” 

“Two hours maybe.” 

Micah rubbed his thumb over his boyfriend’s warm face. They were polar opposites in that moment; one with frostbite biting at his cheeks and the other with a fever burning through his skin. “Come downstairs for tea with us. I think it’ll be good for you to stand up.” 

Alexi wasn’t so sure, but he wanted to spend more time with Micah and his friends. He hadn’t thrown up in a while, so perhaps he could try a stroll through the lodge. His stomach hurt a little less anyway. 

He got on his knees which was the easy part. Next, the dreaded moment. He needed to uncurl his back and stretch his torso until he stood up straight. As he righted himself with Micah’s help, the pain flooded once again through his belly. Like electricity, the sparks of pain shot through every neural pathway. 

He let out a sharp gasp between his clenched teeth. “Ghah! Micah, stop, stop!” He hunched back over. 

“I’m sorry, sorry!” Micah hovered his hands over Alexi’s body, afraid to cause any more pain. “We’ll go slow. Take your time.” 

Sweat had broken out across Alexi’s skin. It prickled his forehead and nose. His teeth were ready to shatter into a million pieces with the amount of force he was biting down with. Alexi whimpered and remained bent over like a disciple in a worshipful bow. He must have been praying for the pain to leave his body and soul. 

His soul was fucking tired of this shit. 

Alexi did not move. He couldn’t. The new wave pain had caused his stomach to churn again. A searing heave tore up his throat as bile and saliva dripped from his open mouth. He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, letting tears fall onto the floor with the sick. 

That is when Alexi began to cry. It hurt so damn much. In that moment, he was sure something was stabbing him. Maybe a bone had snapped off his rib and was piercing his side. Maybe he swallowed a knife, and it was carving its way through his intestines. Whatever it was, he needed it out of his body. 

“Micah, help me. I’m scared,” Alexi mumbled as he fell into a fetal position. “It hurts. Take it out.” 

“Oh, my baby, I’m right here.” Micah wanted to cry as well. He ran his hands over Alexi’s body. He was burning up. Sweat soaked every inch of his clothes and hair. 

“Get it out!” Alexi hissed. 

“Get what out?” Micah checked to make sure there was nothing actually stabbing his boyfriend. There was nothing that he could see. He was pretty sure that Alexi was going delirious from the fever. “Baby, there’s nothing.”

“Just help me.” 

Micah hadn’t realized that tears streaked down his own cheeks. He wished Dakota and Blair were here to call 911. So, he started to bang on the bathroom wall. He used his fist and called out their names, hoping his friends could hear the noise from across the hall. 

It didn’t take long before Dakota and Blair burst into the room. They wore identical looks of shock and worry. Blair nearly slammed into Dakota as she ran up behind him. 

“What is going on?” Dakota asked. He took one look at Alexi and knew that this was bad. All three of them knelt on the floor next to Alexi who was barely responsive. 

“He’s really sick.” Micah said, his voice shaking. “Call an ambulance.” 

Dakota raised his eyebrows. “Micah, we’re on a mountain. How are—”

“Just do it, Kota!” 

Dakota jumped back with wide eyes and took his phone out of his pocket as fast as he could. “Okay buddy, I’m doing it. I’m calling.” It was Dakota’s turn to pace around the hotel room, waiting for an operator. 

In all the chaos, Blair knew her role. She hugged Micah to her side and remained calm. Her voice was steady and reassuring. “It’s going to be okay. Forget what Dakota said.” She left breathable pauses between her sentences. “They’ll send an air ambulance.” 

Micah didn’t take his eyes off Alexi, even as he nodded. “He asked me to get something out of his body.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“I don’t know. He just grabbed his side in pain, vomited, and then said something was stabbing him.” 

Blair looked to where Alexi was whimpering on the floor with his hands pressed into his right side. She began to understand. It wasn’t motion sickness, altitude sickness, or the stomach flu. 

“This happened to Dakota and me. I’ll bet anything it’s his appendix.” Blair licked her lips in deep thought. “We didn’t get it this bad, but…he’ll be fine.” She hesitated on that last part, knowing this had gone further than what she or Dakota had experienced. The full truth was that she didn’t know if Alexi would be fine, not if his appendix had ruptured like she suspected, but she wasn’t about to tell Micah that. 

They could hear Dakota talking on the phone with the dispatcher. He sounded stressed as he tried to explain that they were at a ski lodge. Micah forced himself to tune out that conversation; it was too panic inducing. He decided that what he needed was to keep holding onto Blair. Her arms were strong and still, wrapped around his shoulder. He stayed in her embrace until things got better. 

And things did get better. 

The lodge staff came to help. They moved Alexi to a place where the air ambulance crew could get to him better. Micah was numb as he got into the helicopter. He had never been on a helicopter before and was unlikely to remember this ride. 

Blair became a guardian angel for both Micah and Dakota. Dakota didn’t like planes to begin with, so his face was chalk white as he got into the helicopter. She sat in the middle of the two boys and reassured them that everything was okay. 

As Blair predicted, the ski lodge incident would turn into a scary and exciting story that they told Madix and Riley, because everything did turn out okay. 

It was truly scary for a moment there, because Alexi’s appendix had indeed ruptured. Poison had been rushing through his body and would have killed him if they delayed calling an ambulance any longer. Micah nearly vomited on the doctor when he heard that news. 

Alexi slept peacefully in the hospital while Micah, Dakota, and Blair loomed around his bed. They whispered but there was no need as the boy was passed out good. 

“So,” Dakota started, looking around at their group. “Three down, one to go.” 

Blair smacked him on the arm. “Why would you say that!” She turned to Micah. “Only like 7 percent of people get appendicitis.” 

“Then I think we’re cursed,” Dakota added. “It’s like someone wants to make us suffer.” 

“That’s ridiculous.” Blair laughed, but she couldn’t ignore the fact that the odds were not in their favour. Maybe Dakota was right. 

Micah swallowed hard. “Can I get a voluntary appendectomy?” 

[dotster001]

I saw that it said, Requests are open. May I request Jade and Vil with a reader whose personality is similar to Dia from Court of Darkness?

Summary: gn!reader

A/N: when I say it literally took me four months to finish these....

Similar HC's: Leona/JamilxRio voleri reader

Ace/Deuce/Epel x Toa Qelsum reader-coming soon

You probably only met because you were both foraging for mushrooms and literally bumped into each other. It was love at first sight for Jade. Up to this point he'd never thought he was capable of it…but damn, when he saw you holding his favorite mushroom from this area, he swears a chorus of angels started singing.

Floyd and Azul have never seen a lovesick Jade…and it's a little frightening. He's got a dopey smile on his face every time he sees you, even when (especially when) you tear him to shreds with a single sarcastic comment. He's humming to himself as he works around the lounge, and he's seeking out your attention at all hours, doing or saying anything he can for a glimpse of that beautiful smile of yours. He's almost a little like Floyd…and even Floyd is scared of it.

It doesn't take much work to get you to join the mountain lovers club. He got dirt on Crowley, blackmailed him into making joining a club mandatory, and left a pamphlet where you'd conveniently find it after hearing the news. Obviously you would join his club, because you are clearly soulmates and meant to be together forever! *Dreamy sigh*

You're always suggesting solo hikes, but Jade's nothing if not persistent. He agrees to solo hikes. And you take solo hikes together! Plus, he knows where all the best mushrooms are, and he has access to rare ones that you had never seen before. It's easy to Pavlov you into loving him by giving you cool mushrooms whenever he sees you.

You to your friends: "I can't explain it, but I get so excited when I see him!"

Jade: 😈

Anyway….once you start dating, Jade is ecstatic about how affectionate you are. Like a cat he found on the street, who slowly bonded to him. You'll snuggle up against him, and he'll blush and grin like a fool.

He is literal putty in your hands. You tease him flirtily, and he's ready to give you his soul. You give him a hard time about how he always turns beet red when you kiss him, and he'd sell you Floyd's soul. You take him to a secluded spot for a private picnic, and playfully feed him a mushroom, and he'll kill for you. 

You only know soft lovesick Jade…and are very confused by all your friends saying he's a terrifying tough guy. Talk about an over exaggeration. 🙄

Your existence upsets Vil. You always look lovely and beautiful, despite never putting any effort into it. You always stay in your room, much like Shroud. And when he tries to help you, you snap at him, very like Epel. You're an annoying potato.

But one day he hears a melodic voice luring him deep into the forest, and sees you singing to the stars. He isn't sure if you cast a love spell on him, but he is instantly in love. Naturally, you are annoyed at the interruption, and storm off.

But that doesn't stop Vil! He is begging you to audition for the SDC. And you keep telling him to fuck off. Vil never thought he'd fall for a tsundere, but damn is this back and forth setting his heart ablaze.

You don't audition….but Vil obviously doesn't have much time to pout about that when he's training the crew, and giving you tasks as their team manager. And he has even less time to pout as he's waking up with a hoarse voice after apparently overblotting. But when he gives you a pleading gaze, you sigh and announce that you'll sing for him.

Of course they won with your voice leading the way! Vil never had a doubt! That's why he tried so hard to get you to audition (also because he loves you, but that's a "surprise" for later)

Later comes sooner than he's expecting when, one day, you're doing homework together and you ask him with a wide grin if he's in love with you.

Let's just say, Vil failed to uphold the image of the fairest queen, that day….

Now you're constantly teasing him. You'll hold his hand and, when he tries to pull away, you pout and say you thought he loved you. You'll trace his lips, then boop his nose, and say you thought he wanted your affection. You'll lean in when you work together, and he'll catch a whiff of his favorite perfume of yours, and you'll tease him about how much his face is burning. It's infuriating for two reasons. The first being that you are absolutely right, he craves all the affection you throw his way.

The second is, in all of this, you have yet to even allude to whether or not you reciprocate his feelings!!!!!! He keeps trying to outplay you, and you expertly sidestep it, and it's an infuriating dance that Vil is getting tired of performing.

So one day, when you're being a tease as per usual, you say something like, "Isn't it normal to want to kiss the person you love?" And he just goes for it. He's ecstatic at how surprised you are by the kiss, but he's even more thrilled when you reciprocate.

Now that you're dating, (which you keep alluding to the fact that you are) you still infuriate him. But at least now you let him into your room. And while you aren't always the chattiest to "outsiders", now he gets to hear your lovely voice all the time. Plus, you're much more snuggly, and Vil secretly just wants to be held, so….