#also ! on the root beer discourse !!

[radio-4-is-static]

さよーならまたいつか！ | Kenshi Yonezu

誰かと恋に落ちて また砕けて やがて離れ離れ 口の中はたと血が滲んで 空に唾を吐く 瞬け羽を広げ 気儘に飛べ どこまでもゆけ 100年先も憶えてるかな 知らねえけれど さよーならまたいつか！

///

Fall in love, only to be crushеd once again And eventually, go our sеparate ways Blood seeps in my mouth without warning And I spit into the sky Spread your wings and soar Fly away to wherever your heart desires Would we remember in 100 years? Who cares? So long and see you again!

[bitchwhoyoukiddin]

But only ICE COLD. Do not drink warm root beer unless you are an Advanced Root Beer Drinker. The first time you ever try it needs to be just this side of frozen. There is a REASON it was traditionally served in frosty mugs. It legitimately changes the flavor profile in an inexplicable but deeply noticeable way.

AMERICANS? IS ROOT BEER NICE?! I WANNA KNOW

No third option you gotta pick a side

[charanekun]

⟢ お帰りなさい 君にニャオ 悪い子ね 汚れたお身体で 行きはよいで 帰りは怖い 愛を知らない飽き猫さん！！ᓚᘏᗢ 〜♡

⟢ ダンダン好キニナル 好キニナル ネエ 愛シテ ダンダン好キニナル 好キニナル 好キニナル ネエ 愛シテ。。/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Ⳋ

© charanekun | art cred; gohome_kun | div cred; toastray

𖦹 introduction 「 紹介 」 ❝ ヤッホ！i'm sōta, but i also go by shuchun, jiahao, momo, kokoro, kim / kimchi, angel / angie, loui, joey, andy, and neko！i'm open to name suggestions as well！i am mixed racially and ethnically, meaning i am biracial and multiethnic。i am racially afrogerman, and ethnically mixed with south and east asian, hispanic, slavic, germanic, and celtic。i am gay and genderfluid, and i never like either gender in a " straight " way, i am also intersex。i use he/it/they and prefer he/him, i use neopronouns as well。if you do not wish to respect my identity, then simply refer to me by name。i'm plural and the host of a system of over 100, although i do not leave front often。i am a transman, and i am the boy ever！do not use she/her on me, if you do, you will be ignored, as you obviously are not addressing nor speaking to me or about me。i also self identify as a femboy and a tomboy。 i am a shapeshifting otherkin for reasons relating to trauma and cultural connection。i am apart of a three conscious alter by the collective name of " nanbābīsuto ", and as such i have two other souls present within me, ichi and san, whereas i'm ni。ichi uses the name tomi, and san uses the name kenji。we can divide into seperate entities when need be, though, so we will not always be together。i do not care for any discourse as if stresses me out, so pretty pawlease do not bring it up。i'm disabled and disordered, but i try to be the best individual i can！no dni, just please be respectful of me, my peers, my acquaintances, and passersby。♡♡♡ ❞

𖦹 likes 「 好き 」 ❝ slashers, horror, pink, black, light blue, sanrio, junk food, molang, pui pui molcar, marimo moss balls, cinematography, biology, corvids, canids, penguins, pears, apples, peaches, oranges, melon, cream soda, root beer, bunnies, bows, tennis balls, endearments, praise, being a boy and a boyish gal thing, feminine clothes, baggy clothes, gender affirming affirmations, studio ghibli, snoopy, garfield, the scooby doo franchise, good omens, supernatural, sailor moon, azumanga daioh, lucky☆star, my deer friend nokotan, nichijou, bocchi the rock, my dress up darling, komi can't communicate, demon slayer, bluey, making art, activism, percussion, string instruments, petting zoos, cryptozoology, demonology, aquariums, zoos, hotpot, sparkling grape juice, almond milk, mocktails, mixology, rice, red meat, snickerdoodles, vtubers, feeling cute, being loved。❞

𖦹 dislikes 「 嫌 」 ❝ excessive and unnecessary gore, slimey textures, church bells, chronic pain, dog whistles, confrontation, arguments, discourse, lima beans, dry chicken, juice with pulp, strawberries, passive aggressiveness, illogical choices, harming animals for the sake of entertainment, infighting, lack of the understanding of the golden rule, nitpicking movies, nitpicky movie critics, overall unwarranted pettiness and pessimism。❞

𖦹 favorites 「 愛 」 ❝ jean jacket from nope, the original scream, the evil dead franchise, fight club, the outsiders, 80s and 90s slashers and horror, nope, the dead meat youtube channel, monitoring by deco*27, maruchan, ramune, hello kitty, my melody, tuxedo sam, kuromi, coryxkenshin, cucumbers, peppers, mandarin oranges, popsicles, mangoes, dragon fruit, lemon lime soda, maple bacon, burgers, curly fries, steak fries, fries in general i love fries, king's hawaiian rolls, chicken nuggets, the halloween holiday, batman, deadpool, wolverine, old cartoons, pluto the dog, krypto, minnie mouse, peeps marshmallows, zooma, marshall, rocky, skye, girl scout cookies, york peppermint patties, the art of practical effects, sound design, puppet creation and mastering, and prosthetics work, stunt work, acting, little shop of horrors, rocky horror picture show, peewee's playhouse, hard and soft caramels, nondairy ice cream bars, caramel rice cakes, ritz crackers, wheat thins, watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe, orchid mantis, whale sharks, pokemon, garlic bread, bread sticks, pretty much any bread, cotton candy, lemon pepper wings, bbq wings, chicken tenders, boneless wings, slipknot, korn, blink-182, my chemical romance, evanescence, arctic monkeys。❞ 「 there's more but i gotta wrap it up lolol 」

𖦹 forms 「 形 」 ❝ kemonomimi and feral style monster; nekomata, inugami, baku, cerberus, satori, hachishaku-sama style yurei, sadako style yurei, oni 「 pink, red, yellow, blue, & white variants 」, tengu, hellhound, komainu, suanni, qilin, loong, kitsune, jiangshi, wereyokai / werebeast, vampire, succubus, cherub, angel, imp, halloween spirit, halloween hound, mummy, genie, pixie, nymph, melusines of mythology, mermaid, sphynx, harpy, kudan, poltergeist, kuchisake-onna style yurei, teketeke style yurei, kirin, kyūbi no kitsune, jorogumo, bakeneko, maneki neko, tanuki, mujina, kappa, alebrije, penguin, puffin, and various other irl animals。❞

「 🏯 for lore、🍙 for a random fact、🪶 for a pet peeve、🍢 for a place i want to visit or live、🍘 for a art idea of mine、🍶 for a flag in my hoard、🎌 for a source of mine 」

| EN voices claim | CN voice claim |

|JP voice claim | KR voice claim |

[thatseventiesbitch]

Eric and Donna’s Pet Names

I paid special attention to this on my latest rewatch, due to some truly interesting discourse here on tumblr (and on reddit) after That ‘90s Show aired. A couple of people DM’ed me a few examples after a post I’d made, and that is what got me started on this wee project (which turned into a not-so-wee project lol). Here’s my *complete list of all the times Eric and Donna used pet names/terms of affection/nicknames to and about one another on the show(s). Honestly, they used them a lot more than I remembered, particularly Eric.

*I certainly might have missed a few. I’ll update this post if that’s the case - feel free to comment/DM me if you notice one that’s missing!

Pet names Donna uses for Eric

Donna sometimes calls Eric pet names. She’ll often use them in a light-hearted, teasing way or off-hand, but she also tends to use them when she’s concerned about him. There are a few funny/memorable one-off names (horny nerd boy and The Flash 😂) but she also calls him both honey and baby.

S2xE15 “Burning Down the House”

Donna: Eric remember when I told you to loosen up?

Eric: Oh yeah, baby.

Donna: Well, tighten up baby. When the house is on fire, the party’s over.

S3xE10 “Ice Shack”

Eric: Sweetie, what do you want to do?

Donna: Whatever you want to do, honey.

S3xE15 “Donna’s Panties”

Jackie: Why are you here? You should be with the one you love, and you love Eric. For some reason.

Donna: Shut up! There’s a lot of reasons. He’s not a blow-pop. He’s a sweetie pie.

S3xE16 “Romantic Weekend”

Donna: Wow, you must be really upset about this.

Eric: Um, kind of, yeah.

Donna: Well c’mon Eric. [Mocking him] Let’s turn that frown upside down. That’s right, let’s have super hot sex baby.

S5xE7 “Thank You”

Kelso: Check it out, I’m breadman!

Donna: [To Kelso] Shut up, Eric’s talking! [To Eric] Go ahead, honey.

S6xE7 “Christmas”

Donna: Okay we’re back and uh, if my boyfriend’s listening you’re late and I’m a little worried you’re trapped in a snow drift or something. So honey if you’re cold, I’m with ya baby.

S6xE8 “I’m A Boy”

Donna: Eric, wow, you look beat!

Eric: Yeah. I was workin’ until like, one last night.

Donna: Oh, my poor baby. I know something that’ll cheer you up. Today I got my first bridal magazine!

S6xE15 “Who Are You”

Eric: About this little celibacy kick we’re on - does that cover quickies? Cuz I can be really quick.

Donna: That’s why I call you The Flash.

Eric: That’s why you call me The Flash? I thought it was cuz I’m flashy, like an entertainer.

S6xE20 “Squeezebox”

Donna: So this is what you did while we were apart? Oh, my horny nerd boy.

S8xE1 “Bohemian Rhapsody”

Donna: Hi honey! Thank you for the postcard with the monkeys. I’m still bananas about you, too.

That ‘90s Show - S1xE1 “That ‘90s Pilot”

Donna: (Carrying in luggage) Don’t worry, honey. I got it.

and

Donna: (Carrying out luggage) Don’t worry, honey. I got it. Again.

Eric: Okay, babe?

Pet Names Eric uses for Donna

Eric uses pet names for Donna more frequently. He calls her a number of different, goofy one-off terms of endearment throughout the series (including cupcake, beautiful, dollface, sex muffin, pretty mama, my little crazy straw, etc 😂), but he repeatedly uses baby/babe or calls her m’lady or my girl.

S2xE3 “The Velvet Rope”

Donna: Eric, you here?

Eric: Yeah, I’m in the living room, baby.

S2xE8 “Sleepover”

Eric: Damn

Donna: What’s wrong?

Eric: *Screams* I mean, hey baby.

S2xE15 “Burning Down the House”

Donna: Eric remember when I told you to loosen up?

Eric: Oh yeah, baby.

S2xE16 “The First Time”

Eric: Hey good lookin’. Have a cocktail weenie?

S2xE20 “Kiss of Death”

Eric: Hey, beautiful.

Donna: How’s it going?

Eric: Pretty good. Except I found this here kitten who told me he was looking for someone to love him.

S2xE21 “Kelso’s Serenade”

Eric: Hey baby, let’s say you grab papa a root beer, huh?

Donna: Listen you worm. I am not your slave or your waitress or your damn maid. So don’t get all “Archie Bunker” - ie on me, or I will kick your ass to the moon!

S3xE1 “Reefer Madness” (*Note that this one is a fantasy sequence, but I find it funny and wanted to include it 🤣)

Donna: Gee wilikers Eric, where have you been? You missed choir practice!

Eric: Sorry, dollface. But now thanks to marijuana, I’m incurably insane.

S3xE2 “Red Sees Red”

Eric: Buckle up, Donna, cuz the next twelve seconds are all about you, babe.

S3xE7 “Baby Fever”

Donna: It’s all in the wrist. See?

Eric: Hey. Look at the wrist on my girl.

S3xE10 “Ice Shack”

Eric: Such a small price to pay to keep m’lady happy.

and

Eric: Sweetie, what do you want to do?

Donna: Whatever you want to do, honey.

and

Eric: See, I have small feet... Donna - you going somewhere, honey?

S3xE11 “Who Wants It More”

Donna: Eric, you can’t just ignore my ideas.

Eric: Oh. Donna, you’ll get the same ‘A’ I get. Relax, baby.

S3xE12 “Fez Gets The Girl”

Eric: I, Eric Forman, your boyfriend, am Pricemart’s newest employee of the month.

Donna: Eric, that’s great. Are you done?

Eric: Well, yeah. Top that, cupcake.

S3xE13 “Dine & Dash”

Donna: Well damnit, let’s stoop to their level. Or an even lower level.

Eric: Yeah. Oh I’m with you baby, yeah.

S3xE16 “Romantic Weekend”

Eric: Okay, okay, you know what. Let’s turn that frown upside down. That’s right - let’s have super hot sex, baby! [Donna hits him] And by super hot sex I mean let’s talk about your sad feelings.

S3xE19 “Eric’s Naughty No-No”

Eric: It’s just - there were all these people, and they were doing all these things that we’ve never done, and it seemed like they really enjoyed doing this one thing especially. And I just thought you know who would enjoy doing that one thing especially? M’lady.

S5xE22 “You Shook Me”

Donna: Okay look, maybe Eric is working with dog food. But he’s not complaining and he’s not quitting, and we’re gonna get married no matter what you think. Or how he smells.

Eric: Aw, thanks honey.

S5xE25 “Celebration Day”

Eric: [Thinks he’s speaking to Donna] Why there you are, my little sex muffin.

S6xE2 “Join Together”

Eric: I can’t take it. Watching Donna lie out, knowing she’s gonna go to college and I have to stay here, she’s so, so -

Kelso/Hyde: Juicy.

Eric: (Dreamily) My juicy.

and 

Eric: [to Hyde] There’s no time, my friend. I have a distraught neighbor girl to attend to. [to Donna] Dry your eyes, baby. The lovin’s on its way!

S6xE20 “Squeezebox”

Eric (thinking to himself): Screw it, sneak attack is my only hope. I’m gonna go with the yawn n’ grab. Watch out for my hand, pretty mama, cuz I’m not really tired.

S6xE23 “My Wife”

Hyde: C’mon Forman. It’ll be one last night of the finest debauch that Point Place has to offer.

Eric: Hyde, all I need is my sweetie here for the rest of my life.

S7xE3 “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction”

Donna: One of Red’s beers?

Eric: Well there’s a new sheriff in town, little lady.

and

Eric (to Red): I’m saying here’s what’s gonna happen: you’re gonna accept my apology man to man, and then sit down with me and my girl here, and enjoy this beer.

S7xE20 “Gimme Shelter”

Eric: How you doin’ my little buttercup?

and

Donna: I don’t think I can make it to your party.

Jackie: Donna, you have to!

Eric: I’m afraid I’m out too. I gotta tend to my crooked little flower here.

Donna: You know Eric, calling me cute little nicknames doesn't make up for what you did.

Eric: Okay, okay, whatever you say, my little crazy straw.

S7xE21 “2121 S. Michigan Avenue”

Eric: Look, stay away from my girl, okay Casey Kelso? Or wait, maybe I should say - Casey Smellso.

S7xE23 “Take It or Leave It”

Eric: Well hello, toots! Back from your date so soon? Used to be you had to buy a girl dinner if you want her to slide all over you moanin’ like a ghost.

That ‘90s Show - S1xE1 “That ‘90s Pilot”

Donna: Leia -

Eric: Yeah, go. Just unload, baby. Both barrels. Go.

and

Donna: (Carrying out luggage) Don’t worry, honey. I got it. Again.

Eric: Okay, babe?

[kaneinstitute]

The Westwood, Canada: A Hidden Gem of Art, Culture, and Heritage

The Westwood, located in the heart of Canada, is a landmark that marries modernity with rich historical significance, making it a must-visit destination for travelers interested in Canadian culture, architecture, and history. Known for its unique aesthetic and artistic legacy, The Westwood is celebrated for its captivating blend of contemporary style and homage to Canadian heritage. This article explores the historical importance of The Westwood, reasons for its fame, the best times to visit, things to do on-site, and how to plan a perfect visit.

Historical Significance: Where Heritage Meets Modernity

The Westwood holds deep cultural roots, with its history intertwined with the local community's evolution. Built in the early 20th century, the establishment originally served as a gathering space for artists, writers, and thinkers of the time. Its role in fostering creativity and intellectual discourse has left an indelible mark on the local culture. Over the decades, The Westwood has transformed and expanded, but it has always retained its artistic roots, continuously hosting art exhibits, theater performances, and workshops that reflect Canadian traditions and contemporary movements alike.

Through these decades, The Westwood has been a witness to Canada’s growing prominence on the global art scene. It holds a special place in Canadian history, representing the country's commitment to preserving its cultural identity while also embracing modernity. With regular renovations and improvements, The Westwood has been able to keep its spaces functional and appealing while preserving the unique architectural elements that reflect Canada’s heritage.

Why It’s Famous: A Hub for Arts, Music, and Community Events

The Westwood is most famous for its commitment to the arts and its role as a cultural hub in Canada. It offers a space for local and international artists to exhibit their work and collaborate with each other, helping it to maintain an exciting calendar of events throughout the year. From art exhibitions and live music performances to thought-provoking theater productions and film screenings, The Westwood serves as an all-in-one destination for art enthusiasts.

Its architectural style, a blend of early 20th-century charm with modern enhancements, also draws architecture lovers and history enthusiasts alike. Inside, you'll find stunning murals, art installations, and sculptures by well-known Canadian artists, adding layers to the artistic ambiance. The design combines the elegance of historic architectural techniques with a clean, modern layout, making it both aesthetically pleasing and functional for events.

The Westwood’s dedication to nurturing local talent is another reason it has become such a beloved spot. Many of Canada’s famous artists, musicians, and playwrights started their careers by showcasing their work here, helping to establish The Westwood as an influential launchpad for the Canadian arts scene.

When to Visit: Best Seasons and Event Highlights

The Westwood is open year-round, and each season brings its own appeal. However, the best times to visit are spring and fall, when the weather is mild, making it ideal for exploring the surrounding area as well. In spring, The Westwood hosts outdoor events and art fairs, often in collaboration with local artists and artisans. Fall is another excellent time, as it coincides with several art festivals and exhibitions that attract larger crowds and international guests.

Winter is also a charming time to visit if you’re interested in indoor events. The Westwood often holds winter art installations and holiday-themed events, providing a cozy and festive atmosphere. Summer, while busier, is perfect for catching outdoor performances, open-air markets, and community gatherings.

Things to Do at The Westwood

Explore the Art Exhibitions: The Westwood features a rotating lineup of exhibitions that showcase the best of Canadian and international art. From traditional paintings to avant-garde installations, these exhibits cater to a wide range of artistic tastes.

Attend a Live Performance: The Westwood’s theater is a hub for live performances, including plays, concerts, and dance shows. Check their schedule to catch a production by renowned local theater groups or music performances that span genres from classical to contemporary.

Join a Workshop: Many artists who exhibit at The Westwood also hold workshops, providing an opportunity for visitors to learn directly from the experts. These workshops cover everything from painting and sculpture to creative writing and photography.

Enjoy Local Cuisine: The Westwood has an on-site cafe that offers locally sourced food and drinks, perfect for a break between exhibits or after a show. The cafe often collaborates with local chefs to offer seasonal menus, adding an extra layer of local flavor to your visit.

Shop at the Artisan Market: During certain times of the year, The Westwood hosts an artisan market where local craftspeople sell handmade goods, jewelry, pottery, and more. It’s a great spot to pick up unique souvenirs that reflect Canadian craftsmanship.

Planning Your Visit: Tips for a Seamless Experience

Check the Event Calendar: Since The Westwood frequently hosts new events, exhibitions, and performances, checking their official website or social media pages for the latest schedule is essential. Booking tickets in advance for popular shows or workshops is highly recommended, as these can sell out quickly.

Getting There: The Westwood is easily accessible by public transportation, with nearby bus and train options. For those driving, there are ample parking facilities. Many visitors coming from nearby cities opt for a short drive or shuttle service, which can be convenient and scenic.

Accommodation: For visitors planning an overnight stay, nearby hotels and B&Bs provide comfortable options within walking distance of The Westwood. During high season, it’s advisable to book accommodations in advance, especially if you’re attending a popular event.

Explore the Surrounding Area: The Westwood is often surrounded by vibrant neighborhoods with additional attractions, including quaint cafes, bookshops, and parks. Spending some time exploring these areas can enhance your experience and provide a fuller sense of the local community.

Plan for Seasonal Events: Certain times of the year, such as during art festivals or holiday celebrations, make The Westwood an even more exciting destination. Planning your visit around these events can offer a unique experience, but remember to book accommodations and event tickets well in advance, as these are popular times for visitors.

The Westwood – A Must-Visit Cultural Landmark in Canada

The Westwood offers a unique blend of art, history, and community in a setting that celebrates Canadian heritage while embracing contemporary creativity. From its historic architecture to its vibrant events, this landmark is a destination for anyone looking to immerse themselves in Canada’s artistic and cultural landscape. Whether you’re an art lover, a history enthusiast, or simply looking to experience the local culture, The Westwood provides a memorable and enriching experience.

[posts-for-my-wife]

i think another aspect to the “root beer tastes like medicine” discourse is that, here in this part of north america at least, we don’t make children’s medicine that has these flavors. our children’s medicine tends to be cherry or grape flavored, which is why some adults over here hate grape flavored sodas and candies.

also, to the folks in the notes who want to try it for the first time: look for actual brewed root beer in bottles. the major american canned root beers aren’t really “beers,” they’re root beer flavored sodas made from artificially flavored syrups and carbonated water, whereas a virgil’s or a bundaberg is brewed like the old days.

A continuation on my post about unloved foods, specifically this is my in-depth defense of root beer.

Root Beer isn't inherently gross, it's just one of those weird local flavors that's off-putting to people who didn't grow up with it. We all like different things and also we all tend to like flavors that are similar to what we grew up with. That's okay! But honestly root beer is pretty unique and, in my opinion, delicious.

One of the main complaints against root beer is that it tastes like medicine. Funnily enough, it was originally marketed as medicinal! This is true for most OG sodas actually. Pretty much as soon as carbonated water was invented, people were drinking it to soothe various ailments. A lot of the original soft drinks were actually invented by pharmacists. I just think that root beer is especially cool because the main flavor came from the root bark of sassafras, a common North American shrub. Because it's so widespread and aromatic, all parts of the sassafras plant have been used in food and medicine by many different Native American tribes throughout history and was subsequently picked up and used by European colonists. In the 1960s, some studies indicated that that safrole oil, which is produced by the plant, can cause liver damage. Whether or not this would actually remain true after it had been boiled and added to root beer is unclear, but it was really easy to replicate the flavor, so the sassafras in commercial root beer these days is artificial. Another fun fact about safrole is that it's a precursor in the synthesis of MDMA. None of this information has stopped my childhood habit of eating sassfras leaves right off the shrub whenever I walk past it on a hike. I'm like 85% sure it's safe and also mmmm yummy leafs go crunch.

Another root beer complaint is that it tastes like toothpaste. I think this is probably because another key flavor in most root beer recipes is wintergreen. I'm assuming that the people who think this are the same people who think mint chocolate chip ice cream tastes like toothpaste. I can understand and even respect that some people don't like mint and associate it only with brushing their teeth, but like. Mint is a pretty common flavor. I mean I think it's safe to say that humans have been eating mint flavored stuff for longer than toothpaste has existed... anyway!

Other common flavors in root beer (real or artificial) are caramel, vanilla, black cherry bark, sarsaparilla root, ginger, and many more! There's not one official recipe, and root beer enthusiasts often have strong opinions about different brands. Some root beer is sharper, with more strong aromatic flavors, and others are mild and creamier.

Another thing I think is cool about root beer is that it's foamier than most sodas. This was originally because sassafras is a natural surfactant (and why sassafras is also a common thickening agent in Louisiana Creole cooking.) These days, other plant starches or similar ingredients are added to keep the distinctive foam. Root beer foam > all other soft drink foams. That's why root beer floats kick more ass than like, coke floats.

If you've never had root beer before, imagine if a sweetened herbal tea was turned into a soda, because that's basically what it is. If your first response to that is a cringe, fair enough. That's why lots of people don't like it. If your first response to that is "interesting... I might actually like it, though" then I encourage you to track down a can of root beer today, hard as that might be outside the US and Canada. Next time you see an "ew, root beer tastes like medicine/tooth paste" take, know that there's a reason for that, but also the same could be said for literally any herbal or minty food/drink.

My final take on root beer is that it would be the soda of choice for gnomes. Thank you and good night.

[autisticandroids]

i had incomprehensible/incoherent thoughts on consumehimnatural and i thought i'd share because idk where i'm going with this but i'm going... somewhere... anyway consumehimantural discourse is so interesting i think because one of the most consistent threads of the show re: monsters is the theme of the literal consumption of humans (werewolves, vampires, rougarous, eps with pagan gods usually define their monstrosity thru their consumption of people, etc)

this comes up a lot especially whenever a monster that used to be human is featured like in s1e2 & s14e16, also theee consumehimnatural thesis my bloody valentine, because it really is just how do you make a monster out of a man? you make him hungry. you make him so hungry he makes a monster out of himself.

& like i think it’s really interesting how what separates regular angels who are just kind of neutral antagonists most of the time (dicks but not necessarily inherently evil), from the grigori who are portrayed as true monsters (in the context of the show) is that the grigori are consuming human souls??? as if that was the most monstrous perversion the show could demonstrate (consumption being the ultimate corruption of an entire class of angels)

(and i guess as an aside, i always thought this was a particularly interesting route to take given that grigori have sometimes been associated with the passage in genesis about the creation of nephilim, so the show was drawing a veeery direct parallel there between consumption and sex imo)

and corporeality is tricky in supernatural but i think it’s interesting how appetite for anything is rooted, inherently, in corporeality/consumption being about having a body/vessel with which to consume things? ghosts in general kill but don’t consume people because they can’t, they're incorporeal. angels and demons, on the other hand, experience consumption thru vessels, but for demons this is familiar (they were human once) whereas for angels it’s new so it takes a while for them to want it

also with death 1.0 it is actually so interesting that we only know a few things about him and the most interesting aspect imo about his portrayal is that he eats food. and a lot of it! he enjoys it even! literally why??? because death is ravenous. 100% appetite. because death. in the end. claims everything, consumes everything. but death is not a monster, not really, so on screen he eats junk food, & not people.

and like, i know this is something that’s been discussed a lot, hunger/desire being construed narratively as inherently bad (particularly re: cas wanting dean) but that made me think about the way the show portrays its hollow masculinity as so purposefully defined by its specific, excessive, and insatiable appetites, especially for (heterosexual) sex and (heroic) violence, and also alcohol (but only beer and hard liquor), red meat not vegan bacon, etc...

narratively the show generally treats this masculine consumption as correct or appropriate (we get hints that perhaps it is not, but they never really follow through on it?) whereas monsters are clearly consuming inappropriately. and it’s reeeeally interesting to think about where tfw is in terms of consumption and appropriateness (food, intimacy, violence) anyway lol that's all i have but i have been thinking thoughts about this

i love all this. interestingly enough, masculinity on spn is defined by appetites but at the same time those appetites are closely bounded:

DEAN: Yeah, well, there's times I want to get slapped during sex by a girl wearing a Zorro mask. That don't make it a good idea.

even heterosexual sex must be desired extremely normatively to be acceptable. and desire for sex is more about identity maintenance than pleasure:

DEAN: It's been a while. But you owe yourself. It's nothing but a ground ball – you just got to put your mitt down. You are Dean Winchester. This is what you do. [emphasis added]

like dean is a real man because the sex he has is about identity maintenance for himself and the way other men see him more than it is about fun.

but yeah your overall point is very good and i'll be thinking about it for a While. like a While while

[gaylecleven]

most people that don’t like kie don’t like her because she

1. gets mad at JJ when he calls her out for being rich

2. prioritizes john b constantly because whatever feelings she has towards him gave her tunnel vision

3. tried to guilt-trip pope into missing his scholarship interview despite the fact that, like he said, she wasn’t there for any of them when big john went missing

4. talks about the gold, pope’s scholarship, and things that happen to the boys because of them living in the cut as if it’s okay to just toss them aside when it’s only okay to do that for her- seeing as she doesn’t need the money, and she doesn’t need a scholarship. the only thing that makes her a pogue is that she decided to hang out with them, which is fine but she can’t act like she goes through what people on the cut do seeing as she doesn’t actually live there or go to their school. these things are only expendable for her.

5. she tried to fight pope on the boat because he rightfully called her out on her “moral high ground bullshit”

6. she gives off performative activist. she’ll talk about saving the turtles but when jj is clearly hysterical or something with his buying a hot tub using his share, she says he could have “literally given it to any charity” as if he isn’t quite literally the charity… even without seeing the bruises it’s clear that jj is in an unstable environment with someone who doesn’t care about him and can’t support him financially.

7.she doesn’t sympathize with jj until after the jj/pope/kie hot tub group hug when she sees his bruises. she just ignores whatever he says when he mentions her financial privilege and insults him in a non-friendly way. (he insults her too obviously, but since the show never goes in depth to discuss kie’s struggles as a biracial girl or pope’s struggles as a black boy, it’s not something that jj can randomly sympathize with, seeing as it’s never brought to light. if it was brought up and jj were to react like she’s being annoying for pointing it out or pointing it out to spite him, i would have major problems with jj because acknowledging whatever privilege you have is important, especially when you’re with people that don’t have that privilege/when you’re someone whose character is supposed to be the activist type. and i’m not equating racial privilege to financial privilege, i’m just mentioning it because classism is pretty much the basis of the entire show and its plot.)

anyway… this is the reason i’ve seen most jjpopes dislike kie. mentioning the “kiara sucks” anon as if that is a blanket statement of all jjpopes is strange. we aren’t some raging misogynists out to get her, but you saying that pope is a very flawed character with no examples to back it up but also getting irritated when someone says kiara sucks with no examples to back it up is ridiculous. these are examples. since this is in response to your response to that ask, i’ll also add that while your experiences as a queer person are valid, they aren’t universal (“Any queer person knows that you can’t be as forthcoming and open about our affections as straight people are.”)

i get where you’re coming from with saying a regular character might not be outward about his feelings, but jj is not a regular character. jj is a nothing-to-lose kind of character, so your reasoning for why those many displays of affection throughout the show weren’t intended to be romantic just doesn’t really add up? of course he values pope’s friendship and wouldn’t want to risk it, but it’s also evident that he’s a very good liar and could easily say he was joking or wasn’t trying to seem like any of his actions were romantic, something you can also probably understand/have experienced as a queer person. your very statement that jj is someone who flirts with anyone is counterproductive to the statement that that means he doesn’t have feelings for pope. he flirts with every girl, but he can only form a lasting bond while also doing things you’d normally do with a crush, with pope. a lot of jjpopes including myself think he’s gay, and comphet/trying to prove to yourself that you’re straight by engaging in meaningless hookups (like jj) is reason for that headcanon. i get what you’re saying for other characters, but there’s no indication of jj not having that same nothing-to-lose attitude when it comes to people he has romantic feelings for, so there would be no reason for the pull-back or hesitation that you mentioned. and since he knows pope and his connection (whether it be platonic or romantic to both of them) is so strong, he probably assumes nothing could break that bond/dynamic either way.

also no one called you anti-black or implied that you were for saying pope is a flawed character, but it would be surprising to see one that isn’t rooted in that because all of them in the past have been- this fandom is wildly colorist and homophobic (another reason representation like jjpope is so important) and it’s extremely hard to find someone that doesn’t like pope without an explanation for their dislike that isn’t rooted in racism. that’s just common sense, though.

You know, I've been looking at this ask for a long time just wondering if it's worth my time to address all of this - like I didn't realise one could send asks this big. But I'm bored and got a beer in me so fuck it let's go.

So first let's talk about the reasons you hate Kie. I'm gonna admit that I to think she is flawed, like every other obx character, she is also a victim to bad writing and under developed. But also I just do not understand how people can hate her or insists that she is a bad person, don't get me wrong sometimes you just don't vibe with a character and there is nothing wrong with that but hating them and tearing them down is a very different thing.

Now I've said this before but let me reiterate. Not liking a character or ship or preferring one over the other does not automatically make you racist, misogynistic or homophobic. But I do think it is important to take a step back and assess our motivation and perhaps internalised biases. Sometimes you will find that you reasoning is without much substance and realise that you have some things to work on, sometimes even though mentally you don't have the conscious block there is something internalised about that - I know I have been subject to that. This doesn't make you a bad person, and you don't have to force yourself to like it or anything, but just be aware and sometimes it's okay to just remove yourself for the conversation because the people who do like it aren't supporting something that is morally corrupt and it doesn't have to be the subject of discourse. People can like different stuff.

So:

1. Did you mean pulls faces when JJ calls her rich? Cause that's what she does, gets a little annoyed, pulls a face but doesn't say anything because she know he's got a point. I'm very confused about you definition of angry and perhaps be careful about perpetuating the 'angry black woman' stereotype.

Also, I think it's important to note that clearly the kooks vs pogues divide has pretty much abolished the middle class, and you are either lower class or 'rich'. The Carrera's very clearly still struggle with money and are not on the same level of kooks as the Cameron's. So yeah, I think she's justified to roll her eyes at JJ saying she's rich as fuck and doesn't need money.

2. Prioritizes John B because his dad's gone missing, he's been abandoned by his guardian, is being threatened with being taken away from his home and everything he knows and is in general spiralling? Yeah. What a fucking monster. Also, I find it hard to find a justification for Kie having canon romantic feelings from John B that isn't just born from heteronormativity - her caring about him and then getting kissed by him does not equal a love match.

3. It wasn't about missing the interview - which wasn't until the next fucking day - it was about not giving up looking for their friend who was in a really bad way. Like - you cannot say that getting a scholarship when you are 16 is more important that John B's actual life being at stake ?

The fact that she wasn't there when John B went missing wasn't relevant? Like I've talked about why I hate Pope in this scene. But like, Pope is saying 'um you can't call me out on being a bad friend now cause you were a bad friend then'. That's the point, Kie caring so much about John B is rooted in guilt cause she wasn't there, and now she's trying to be there and support him, to prove that she's a better friend now. That's she's different, because she is.

4. I would love some specific examples of her brushing this stuff off like it means nothing. Other than the boat scene which once again, justified. And once again, Kie isn't destitute at all and no she doesn't fully understand the struggles of the boys or the cut but her family is not rolling in it and spending weekends on Yachts. Like this point is such a bloody reach.

5. I don't love that she got physical with him either. But she didn't do that because she got called out. She got upset because Pope was the one person she confided in about that happened during her kook year, about how bad it was, about the fact that she was suicidal and Sarah saved her and that's why she was so drawn to that, not because she wanted to be a kook, and Pope just throws that back in her face because he's jealous that Kie cares more about John B's problems than his.

6. Well this is just a misrepresentation of what happened. She said give it to any charity because in that moment it seemed like without a reason JJ just blew that money on stupid shit. Pope thought the same thing that's why he yells at him for not using it for restitution. In that moment he just seems like he is being drunk and irresponsible, because they didn't think he would go back to Luke, Pope literally says that he wouldn't. And then note how when they see the bruises they know what happened and the tone instantly changes cause they realise what happened. And that he did try to do the right thing and got flogged because of it. And she is right in there to comfort him and reassure him. So like... yeah.

7. Please give me example for this. I don't see Kie insulting him that isn't a justified call out or playful banter that is returned and part of their push and shove dynamic. You know... just being friends.

The only times we see Kie react to JJ's home life she is concerned and sympathetic. She's the only one who's worried about JJ going home when he storms off and is instantly there to comfort him when she knows he's had interaction with Luke. I really don't know where you are getting this from.

I don't use it as a blanket statement, I know not to group shippers in as one, I know there are jiara shippers that I do not see eye to eye with for a second. The reason I bring up the 'kiara sucks' thing is because of the context it was used. We weren't talking about Kie, it wasn't relevant, it had no reason to be there or anything to back it up. It was random bitching and as you say fandom is a very racist place so yeah, it seemed like racism to me. Like you realise you are calling me ridiculous for being annoyed that someone just came to me and said Kie sucks without reason, and then this ask goes onto be annoyed that I have some issues with Pope and that more than likely racist for thinking it because you've elected to ignore my massive post outlining my stance on this.

My experiences as a queer person are not universal, no. But I do know they are very common. I'm so thankful that there are people out there who don't experience this and I hope that in the future it will be the norm. But realistically, with what we know about JJ, I think it is more than likely that would be his experience.

Look if you headcanon him as gay say the things with girls is comphet, then that's your view and I won't fight you on it. But remember that that is a headcanon. And what I have been talking about is were they intentionally setting up jjpope and are those actions indicative of romantic attraction, which if they we're they would have made a point to frame it as comp het, which they didn't, they might in the future but for now - they aren't. In terms of being a good liar, I just- like gay panic is a very strong thing. There young girls who tell everyone they don't like hugs because they actually really liked the hugs and feel like people will know that they are gay if they hug their friend, a hug. I can't see 'I'm a good liar' being enough to overcome those sorts of feelings.

The thing is while JJ has a nothing to lose attitude when it comes to his life and future the same doesn't apply to his relationships, because the Pogues are his thing to lose, his only family, the one good thing. I can't see him just saying fuck it I could risk losing Pope. So I can't agree with you there.

First of all, I was called anti-black for not liking Pope, despite the fact that I don't hate him, and just had valid reasons for thinking he is flawed, not the devil incarnate. Two, I am well aware that this fandom is racist, like all fucking fandoms, and have talked about it. And I think that fact that I don't hate Pope and laid out very clearly the reasons I don't think he's some perfect angel that does no wrong kinda shows that I'm not just random bitching because he's black. Also - I'm a fucking Kie stan. I have to deal with people hating on Kie for the same reasons they love Sarah - it's very obvious to see people motivations there.

And you are right. An interracial mlm ship would be great representation. So would an interracial ship between the hot guy that everyone loves with the black girl - because doesn't he always end up with the white self insert? But reminder that ships don't automatically have superiority because they have 'better' representation and certainly does not represent a shipper 'wokeness'. Personally I think a platonic relationship between two men that are as close and physically affectionate as JJ and Pope - especially when one is so traditionally masculine as JJ, especially if one or both of them could be queer - would be great representation for young boys struggling with toxic masculinity.

So yeah, I think your reasons for hating Kie don't have much basis in canon. I do not give if you like her or not but.. hating her and trying to prove that people shouldn't like her, that she's not good enough for JJ and coming into my ask and putting her down for no reason, still does not sit right with me.

[tomonari-nue]

using the block button liberally and for even the most pettiest shit has really improved my overall experience with fandom but it’s also lowkey hilarious bc i miss even the mildest of discourse so i feel like im just sitting in a lawn-chair, lifting my sunglasses slightly while sipping a can of root beer like “what?”

[youneedasoultraveller]

Is Nicky the only one headcanoned by people as bad with languages or are Nile and Booker seen the same way too (Andy is of course excluded from that due to her age and Joe is universally depicted as skilled with languages) ? I would expect Nile to be seen as bad with languages due to the American education system but it doesn’t seem to be the case.

Hello! Post-response me would like to apologise once again for the length of this post :(

I have personally not found a single fic where either Booker or Nile were depicted bad with languages; at most I found fics where Nile cannot speak languages other than English yet and you have the rest of the Guard routinely teaching her this and that idiom.

So, no, in my experience the only one that I saw people actively headcanon as bad at languages is Nicolò. Even though exactly as you point our if we want to go by stereotypes the one that should have been hc’d as such should have been Nile precisely because the large majority of Anglos are monolingual and the way languages are taught in their educational systems is horrendous to say the least (I will never forget my experiences studying Arabic in a Canadian university).

As it stands, Nile is shown using a couple of words of Pashtu, and if I remember correctly it is mentioned that she speaks Spanish in her presentation card, but if it’s the average American knowledge of Spanish “mi casa es su casa” then I would not call that speaking it. But these are just suppositions :)

So canon doesn’t give us much, that we know. And this is where headcanons come in. Like I was saying, usually people would not write Nile as multilingual but as someone who is in the process of learning several languages.

No one is indicated that she is bad at it, although if you ask pratically anyone in the world they will tell you that Americans and Brits are the worst at both learning and speaking other languages, because in those cultures there is a deep imperialist bias engrained – whether they are aware or not – that everyone in the world speaks English, so they can spare the effort to try to pronounce properly another language, or, God forbid, learn it at all. Nothing indicates us that Nile butchers or not other languages, and no one ever takes it into account.

As for Booker, he is French so normally Anglos would have also made fun of his way of talking if it had not been for Matthias.

And now I reach my point. The main reason why Nicolò is consistently depicted as terrible at languages is because of Luca’s Italian accent, and the fact that you can see he is not as fluent in English as Marwan and Matthias are, who are like him not native speakers. This even though the man speaks five languages.

I am not going into the whole mess with interviews with native English speakers who treated him as if he were dumb just because he could not really understand their accent (I myself often have to slow down and ask for a repeat, because some accents are just not as immediately intelligible as Anglos think), given that it has been discussed at length.

The only thing I want to stress is how this headcanon is extremely imperialistic, condescending and plays once again into the harmful stereotype of the dumb, illiterate Southerner.

Linguistic discrimination is a thing, and it’s a thing everywhere. By linguistic discrimination I don’t just mean that against people who cannot speak a major language (or the “official” language of the country they are in), but it also affects accents.Accents have everything to do with geography and class: it is a marker of where you are from, and plays into prejudices linked to the social standing and the class usually associated to that accent. Now, languages are a natural process, in continuous evolution and adaptation, whereas standardised languages (including a standardised pronunciation) are artificial choices. Just think of British vs American English: they are both theoretically the same language, but they diverge in several instances in terms of both vocabulary and pronunciation.Whip this up to the max when it comes to speaking a language that is not your own. The sounds and grammar structures of your mother tongue have an impact on the way you process a different language. That’s why it’s difficult for Spanish-speakers to pronounce S + consonant at the beginning of a word, or why Slavic languages have a harder H sound (again at the beginning of a word). Even when you have the grammar and pronunciation down to a T and are virtually indistinguishable from a native speaker, it does not mean that people who lose their accents and speak like a BBC tv host are any better at languages than people whose accent is still noticeable, or whose speech flow may be slower.

Having an accent does not qualify the level of fluency in a set language. Not speaking like a dictionary does not qualify the level of your intelligence (and I cannot believe I have to even say that).

And yet having an accent is politicised for classist and racist purposes. If someone does not blend in 100% with the majority, it means that something is lacking in them: usually it means they do not have the same level of education, which means they probably come from a lower class, or that they also are foreigners. So they are less than, just because their speech is deemed as not up to par with that of the majority.

@lucyclairedelune meant this when she brought up the example of Gloria from Modern Family, saying “you don’t know how intelligent I am in Spanish”. I want to make an example that is closer to my heart. Elena Ferrante in her wondrous Neapolitan Quartet described the life of a girl who was trying to escape from the material and psychological misery of the slums of Naples in the 60s. To do so she migrates North to study at one of Italy’s most prestigious university: here, however, she is bullied for her accent that clearly marks her origins and (prejudicially, since people of the South were in general poorer) status, class, and, finally, categorises her as less intelligent. Just because of her accent when speaking standard Italian. As a Southern Italian woman, I have often felt like I had to mask my own accent, both in Italy and abroad, to be taken seriously. This regardless of my academic qualifications or how many languages I speak. 

When people describe Nicolò as bad at languages simply because Luca has an accent and speaks English slower and less fluently than his co-stars, this is the context that this treatment plays in. Subconsciously (or consciously) it adds to the image that a big chunk of the fandom is painting of him as dumb and ignorant. No one else. And the fact that (luckily) no one ever uses Nile’s monolingualism as a marker for being less intelligent is also because being American is still taken as the standard, as well as the fact that unfortunately Nile (like Yusuf) is going through positive discrimination by which she cannot have any complexity or flaws (starting from hardly ever acknowledging the fact that she herself was part of an invader/occupying foreign force which has bombed and killed civilians in Afghanistan, and was in the midst of a military operation exactly in this sense). 

According to that specific discourse, Nicolò is being given every single possible flaw, in order to be opposite to Yusuf. Again, because this fandom, with its Anglocentrism and Puritan incapacity of overcoming black-and-white oppositions, cannot seem to accept that we have a beautiful interracial, interreligious same-sex couple of complex individuals, who can both be smart at the same time. I myself think that Yusuf historically is better at languages than Nicolò, as he was a merchant (and an artist), and I love this difference about them, but conflating intelligence with proficiency in one single language (because it’s only proficiency English that we have been discussing, let’s be honest, if the show had been shot in German we would not be talking about Luca’s issues with the language probably) is an utterly imperialistic, condescending and ridiculous thing to do.

I probably lost the train of my thought (and I had two beers in the meantime, so I am too tired to reread), but what I mainly wanted to highlight is that this mocking attitude towards Nicolò is rooted in both a  wider downgrading trend of his character, and on a general approach towards non-English speakers that Anglos have virtually everywhere.

[onlydreamofmysoul]

To add to the root beer discourse!

I’ve always loved it (I’m Canadian), but recently a friend of mine from Ukraine told me it’s weird because it tastes like toothpaste. And now every time I drink it I can taste the minty-ness he was referring too.

Also, your comment about ginger beer was funny, because ginger ale is also really popular here, and another friend (weirdly also Ukrainian) recently brought up the point that ginger is a root, and ale is a type of beer... so isn’t ginger ale just root beer?

I didn’t talk to him for an hour.

For years I genuinely thought it was the same thing just a different name! I was like why do they not just call it ginger beer? Wtf?

[artificialqueens]

Wasting the Time We've Got (Methydoll) - Thorpe

A/N: Two fics in the span of one week? Who even am I anymore? Last time I gave you a vague angst. Now, this is an Angst with a capital A. I love Nicky and I love Crystal, so I made them suffer. I have no excuse for myself. Thank you to Mac and Freyja for being wonderful and amazing and agreeing to beta this story. I’m also sorry to everyone affected by the tea discourse. I’d love to find out what you’re thinking on @freykitten. Enjoy! xx

…

One Euro is 1.12 of an American Dollar, so Nicky greets the airport with a flair of superiority in her step, and people do fawn over her accent, but no one really cares. The States aren’t as great as television made it seem, but they are something new and entirely different, and it’s just two semesters abroad, so she lets herself be lured in. Gets excited.

She’s imagined she’d be partying in sororities, drinking from red plastic cups and playing beer pong, or spending 12 hours in a car on a cross-country road trip to see the biggest rocking chair in the world.

She isn’t.

Her whole life consists of choosing literature classes and trying to figure out the difference between a freshman and a junior. And there’s also her roommate.

Crystal is sweet in a way that tells Nicky her parents are good people above anything else, and she seems to have a bigger problem wording her thoughts in English than Nicky has. She leaves long pauses and communicates in high pitched noises, and Nicky adores her for that. For that and many other things. There are so many reasons to adore Crystal that sometimes it feels like a default setting.

It’s month two and they’re sitting on Crystal’s bed on a Thursday evening. They have fairy lights on (Crystal’s doing) and a couple of candles lit (courtesy of Nicky), and it’s pouring rain on the outside (aided by no one in particular, as far as they know, but they make use of it by having a cozy night in). 

Nicky doesn’t catch the name. She’s pretty sure it’s because Crystal never said it, but, to be fair, she doesn’t catch many things. It’s hard to focus on what Crystal is saying when she can look at her instead. She’ll write it off as a language barrier later, but it’s not. It's… keen interest. That’s what it is. And Nicky totally isn’t thinking that it also could be translated as an infatuation, especially not when Crystal is telling her about the girl she likes.

She’s asking for advice on flirting with someone else, so Nicky’s luck really isn’t the best. The subject annoys her and she offers the simplest, most cliché things she knows from movies in hopes of ending the conversation. It doesn’t work. So she tells Crystal she’s not an expert, that she doesn’t know a thing about “American dating”. And that, it doesn’t make it better. It makes it worse. Because Crystal starts giggling and decides they have to catch up on everything. She takes her to the movies, she takes her bowling, she fails to teach Nicky to rollerskate, and later they share a strawberry shake in a diner. It’s too pink and doesn’t taste of strawberries, but Crystal’s eyes are sparkling and she blushes when she asks if Nicky is having fun. It’s nice. She is having fun. Too much fun. Too much fun to be having with a girl whose eyes reflect a whole galaxy of stars when Nicky asks her about the progress with her crush. She never tells her anything concrete, and Nicky is thankful for that, but Crystal looks down and plays with her fingers in a way that tells Nicky everything. It’s going well.

Then, it gets even worse. Crystal comes to her for another piece of advice. She’s so genuinely concerned, that Nicky forces down her jealousy and smiles. “Why don’t you do something she likes?”

It gets worse, because Crystal is so sweet and she’s so interested in Nicky’s life. Asks about her hobbies and life in Marseille, goes to jazz concerts with her, memorises the names of her friends and her favourite Dunkin’ Donut. She starts learning French from an app. Nicky jokes that when she comes to visit her in France, she won’t let her go. Will keep her there forever. It’s a joke, and Nicky is the only one who has any business knowing it’s not a joke at all. Crystal gets excited, too excited to speak, so she keeps nodding her head, making her curls and plastic beads on her necklace bounce. And Nicky knows Crystal is in on the joke, that she wouldn’t want to actually fly to another continent and stay with her forever, but she blushes like she would, and it hurts. 

.

She’s been there for a whole semester already. Someone brings it up when they’re out with their friends and none of them can believe it. Crystal throws herself over Nicky, wrapping her arms around her, and asks Nicky not to ever leave in a shy whisper. Nicky just holds her tighter. If only Crystal knew. But she doesn’t and she can’t and she won’t. Nicky plays it off as a joke, like it wasn’t twisting the knife already stuck in her heart, but lets herself tangle her fingers in Crystal’s hair and stroke the back of her head.  It could be enough, she tells herself.

Later, when they’re walking to their dorm, they’re holding hands, laughing. They’ve had a bit too much to drink, just enough not to care about zipping their jackets and to swear they can see twice as many stars as there actually are. They stop for a moment to count them, but they’re suddenly spinning, so Nicky holds Crystal and spins her too. They’re slowly swaying to the sound of the wind rustling the leaves. And then Nicky turns away from a would-be kiss. She shakes her head, puts a lot of effort into not crying. It’s not her. There’s someone else, who is not her, and Crystal would regret it when the alcohol wears off and the probability of Nicky’s chances significantly drops in percentage points. They keep dancing in silence and Nicky manages to make Crystal laugh again. Before they carry on walking, she presses a light kiss to Crystal’s temple. It’s not enough, and she doesn’t have it in her to lie to herself anymore.

.

“I think you need to get your shit together.”

Crystal’s been dancing around her crush for almost a whole year now, gushing about her, but not making any definite moves. Nicky probably wouldn’t survive seeing her with someone else, but she cares for Crystal’s happiness far more than for her own comfort, so she pushes her. 

“Was it out of line?” Nicky soothes, making up for her harsh words by putting two glasses of iced tea on the table in front of them. It’s a calculated move. Crystal’s been the one to introduce Nicky to the atrocity that instant tea is, and it always makes her happy when Nicky likes the things she shows her.

“No, but it doesn’t mean I wanted to hear it.” Nicky chuckles at that. Crystal doesn’t join her, but it doesn’t make her worry.

“Are you angry?” She still asks. Crystal doesn’t respond, just worries her lip between her teeth and does this thing with her fingers she always does when she’s nervous. Nicky scoots closer. “You can’t.”

“I can’t be angry?” Crystal finally looks at her and she doesn’t seem mad - Nicky isn’t sure she’d be capable of that, in all honesty.

“No. Not with me,” she simply says and rests her chin on Crystal’s shoulder. “It would kill me.” Crystal lets out a frustrated huff, and Nicky smirks. She knows it’s not fair, using that on sweet, kind Crystal, but she’s never had one bad intention towards the other girl, so she feels pardoned. And who knows? Maybe it’s the truth. Maybe it would kill her. “I’m sorry, my love.”

“No, you’re right. I’m going to talk to her.” Crystal turns to look at her and her eyes are clear like the sky, but stern. She says it like she’s promising something to Nicky, and her heart drops at that. 

So, it’s happening.

.

She’s here. They’re at a party and the girl Crystal might be in love with is here. Nicky chose her best dress, spent an hour and a half on her makeup, and teased and coiffed her hair until her blonde curls were like white gold and looked purposefully, adorably disheveled, which usually made people beg to take her home with them. Crystal can’t stop looking at her and she lets herself hope that maybe it’s working, that maybe Crystal will choose her over this strange girl that could never love Crystal as much as Nicky does.

But then they get surrounded by a crowd of people and Nicky can’t stop herself from scanning every girl talking to Crystal, wondering if it’s her. She looks at Crystal, searching for an exceptionally wide smile or a blush or a spark in her eyes. Crystal is covered in glitter, and Nicky swapped her highlighter for gunpowder, ashy and ready to go off. She winces when Crystal briefly lets go of her hand to hug a friend, and she feels her heart speed up at the thought that as soon as they run into her, Crystal will let go for good. She can’t be there, she can’t risk seeing it. So she lets go first and heads to the bar.

She doesn’t see Crystal for the rest of the night. It comes with an effort, because Nicky is always looking at Crystal, naturally gravitating to her. But she’s scared of what she’d see if she turned around, so she stays rooted to her place on a barstool, looking for a distraction. When she finally gets up, she finds Crystal alone in a booth and presses a fleeting kiss to her cheek. It tastes sickeningly sweet from grenadine in the drink the woman standing behind her bought her - or maybe just from the idea of leaving with someone else. But she can’t be here. So she places a kiss on Crystal’s cheek and wishes her luck, before walking out with her date and not looking back.

The next day she doesn’t need to ask how it went. Her heart breaks at how crushed Crystal looks when she comes back in the morning. Nicky curses herself for leaving her alone.

“Yeah,” Crystal chokes on a sob, “why couldn’t you just stay?”

She wants to burrow Crystal in her arms, hold her until the pain transfers onto her and Crystal smiles again, but she seems to reject all forms of comfort. She avoids hugs. She shuts off Nicky’s soothing. She shuts her off completely. And it hurts. Nicky’s aching to hold her and stroke her hair and tell her it’ll be better - she needs that for herself too. But since Crystal needs something else, she forces herself to go back to normal. To regular conversations and casual jokes. Pretends nothing’s happened and that Crystal didn’t get her heart broken, breaking Nicky’s in the process. They don’t mention it again. 

They don’t mention a lot of things. They get distant, and Nicky swallows the lump in her throat. Crystal asks for space and there’s nothing more important to her than Crystal, so she gives her space and time and silence. The first time it feels like the old times again is the night before Nicky’s flight home. Crystal climbs into Nicky’s bed and clings to her and they cry as the sky goes from navy blue to indigo to lavender.

.

She texts Crystal when she lands and then calls her when she gets home.

“It was you, you know? That whole time. It was you.”

“Crystal, I-”

“Yeah.”

“It was you, too.”

“Oh.”

For a while, neither of them says anything, and Nicky’s whole world falls apart with a single “oh”. She feels desperation claw at her throat because she’s 4,899 kilometres away and this is not happening. Except it is, because they’re 4,899 kilometres and 3,043 miles away from each other, and there’s nothing they can do about it now. She swallows once. Twice. Nothing changes. It’s still too late.

“Goodbye, Nicky.” Crystal ends the call, and Nicky stands there long after, her phone pressed to her ear, hoping to hear something else, to hear something that would make it all alright, because it can’t end like this, they can’t end like this, they-

The phone stays silent.

[spiritually]

With my dream journal off to the side and the bed being far too alluring, I'll type it instead.

*Don't expect an entertaining narrative. I'm dry and am only doing this until I can transfer it to the journal.

— Act 1 —

Parents take me to a store. There, I wander off to the accessories section—which had bracelets and stickers.

In the mirror, the body's hair is slightly longer and miles fluffier. The type of fluffy birdsnest you find after waking up, except with a good shape and style. I'm satisfied.

Next to me is a kid. Bodilychrono ~8 years old. Short brown hair and wearing a blue-black plaid shirt.

I try to pick out glitter-y stickers. In my mind's eye, I see how good they'd look in our room ("I should've bought these years ago!" dreamself thinks during).

However, most of the stickers are either ripped apart or made of plain paper. The boy helps me pick out which stickers to take.

To do this, he gives me a bag of sorts? Which belongs to his friend who had stickers... ?

Digging into the strange unknown child's bag gives me the last sticker I needed. I turn to thank the boy, but he's about to jump into a ToonTown Teleportal™️ in the middle of the store isle.

"He's going to his estate," dreamself realises.

Suddenly, real life bleeds away and ToonTown takes its place. I'm in the middle of TT Central. There's the classic UI on my screen.

I scroll up the chatlog, click on the boy's words, and use the whisper function to tell him "Thank you!" at the same time as him whispering to me a "youre welfome".

As sudden as it appeared, ToonTown vanishes.

— Act 2 —

I'm in the chips isle of the store now. Parents are there, telling me I get to take one bag of chips to eat during the car ride to the doctor.

(Dreamself is the same bodilychrono age as my waking self. Moreover, this is accurate to real life.)

I find beer-infused potato chips. Exciting. The seasoned, thick type of chips, too. It's down to normal thick potato chips or the beer kind...

But I don't get to see which I chose. I'm now in the car sitting in my usual seat at the back. There's a waning feeling of significance to this.

The dream skips and I'm now in another store. A mall.

(There's also a blink-and-miss rival arch? I'm a girl idol for a few moments as I walk, and beside me is another girl who's aggressively into "beating me" at whatever catty idol discourse. She briskly walked beside me as if walking fast is a competition in itself.

In all my flat affect glory, I manage not to show how amused I was. She's cute. Put more effort into her makeup and clothes than I'd ever do. I'd root for enemies-to-lovers if she ever changes for the less prissy.

She's gone once I reach the prescription desk.)

It's a long line to be prescribed by House himself. Alongside him is a man of sour disposition. I'm vaguely reminded of Ace Attorney—I think one of the characters had b33n working there.

Fast-forward to my turn.

I describe all the symptoms. I already know I've been using a specific med, but I can't remember the name so I propose a game of Hangman.

There's even a girl—not a worker, a friend? She vaguely has the personality of Maya Fey. She's helping them guess letters.

"The med is used to treat... Acne. Eczema. Dry hair."

With each symptom House recoils in horror, as if he's never heard of such things during his entire career.

The two men argue amongst themselves on what medication it is.

Slowly, House writes down on the notepad before him: D-E-U-C-E.

Deuce. Dreamself nods along. It's familiar, it must be that.

The medication was and has always been a slang for poo.

— Epilogue —

This one may have happened in-between the first store and the second.

I'm wandering various places while talking to sysmates. One of them is struck by his fictive-source similarities to a Great Ace Attorney character (which I know nothing about and am being gaslit by my brain).

He's excited, wondering about if he's a multi-source fictive or kin or synpath or etc. I'm simply nodding along.

My physical surroundings are clinically white. At one point, I walk through a Zen garden. It's also stupidly white.

I think Kankri Vantas is there at one point and I talk to a woman in meatspace. Details are slipping away.

That's all for now.

Had a dream about being diagnosed by House. ToonTown was inexplicably there.

[theangriestpea]

The Killing Type | Three

Summary: Just when Lavender thought things were going great with Sweet Pea, a new girl comes back to turn to turn their entire relationship upside down. Now they have to navigate a world of drug dealers, rival gangs, and co-parenting. Sequel to Mercy Killing. <ao3> <masterlist>

Rating: Mature // Explicit

Pairings: Sweet Pea x OC // eventual Jughead Jones x OC

Warnings: Underage Drinking

Word Count: 4.9k+

A/N: This chapter went to a weird place??? Oh well. I half planned on there to be more smut but it just didn't happen lol. That's probably for the best, I've been off my game lately.

Chapter Three : The L Word

When Sweet Pea finally joined Lavender at the cake, everyone began to sing Happy Birthday while she lit the candles surrounding the double-headed snake. He watched numbly, not even hearing the song end or the cheers that came after. She had to nudge him to get him to snap back to reality and blow out of the candles after making a quick wish (even though he thought wishing on birthday candles was utterly stupid, he still had some modicum of hope).

Cheryl cut the cake, divvying out a good sized piece to everyone. Sweet Pea got the first cut and the biggest slice, though he didn’t feel much in the mood for cake. He forced himself to take a bite, watching the way his ex’s eyes lit up with anticipation. She couldn’t wait to see what he thought.

Sweet Pea forced a small smile, “this is the best cake I’ve ever had.” He said honestly, it was very good. It just felt so...wrong. And he couldn’t place why. As if he shouldn’t be eating this because she got it for him. That by consuming it he was somehow trapped in this non-relationship. Maybe he was looking too far into it.

After grabbing a cold beer, Lav sat down at an empty table with her piece of cake. She watched as various serpents danced and talked, some were playing pool while others were chowing down on cake and other snacks that had been provided. She felt an incredible amount of pride for being able to put this all together for him, the afterglow of sex leaving a kind of invincible aura around her. A protective bubble if you will.

Someone sat down across the table from her and she gave a sideways glance to see that it was Lily. Lavender sipped her beer, pretending to not feel any sort of intimidation. Lily watched her eat silently for a few tense minutes.

“You don’t see what you’re doing, do you?” She finally asked, wondering how Lavender could supposedly know Sweet Pea so well, but not know that she was hurting him. It was extremely obvious to Lily who had grown up with him. Spending nearly every day with him for over a decade made it so she knew his every tell. Sweet Pea couldn’t hide shit from her and vise versa.

Lavender sighed, annoyed with this discourse already. “What are you talking about?”

Lily straightened up in her chair, “you’re hurting him but you don’t even realize it. I don’t think you can read him as well as you think you can.”

“I know he’s upset about the breakup but we talked about it. We’ll get back together when the time is right.” Lav replied, her voice growing cold. “I don’t see why it’s any of your business. You’re the reason we broke up in the first place.”

“I understand why you did it. Because you wanted us to have a chance, but I told you I don’t want his cheating ass back. It’s my business because he’s my best friend and you’re putting him through unnecessary heartbreak because of something stupid that I said, which he gladly chewed me out for later.” Lily said, trying to get through to her. “Toni and Jug said something to me too and I apologize for what I said. Maybe you’re not using him to get better. I just jumped to conclusions because I was hurt….”

Lavender waited patiently for her to continue. However, the conversation seemed to die off there. Lav had no idea what she wanted to do now. Did she take him back now that Lily had admitted to being wrong? This somehow felt like a trap. “I want him to focus on being a father.” Lav said. “I loved mine very much and I think it’s important for little girls to have a good dad in their life...and he missed out on so much already. I don’t want to take time away from her.”

Lily couldn’t help but feel a new appreciation for the girl she had deemed “the other woman”. Here she was just trying to help them keep their family together...and all Lily had done was attack her. She let out a soft sigh, regretting how unnecessarily harsh she had been.

An uncomfortable silence fell on them as Lav watched her nemesis, Kitty Rollins, approach Sweet Pea. Her grip on her beer bottle tightened as Lily watched the scene unfold. They were standing extremely close to one another, Sweet Pea was smiling and even laughed . Lavender felt anger and heartbreak all at once. They weren’t together, she told him he could see other people, but him actually doing it….that was not something she had been prepared for.

Lily watched both Lavender and Sweet Pea, instantly figuring out what her baby daddy was doing. He wasn’t actually interested in Kitty, that was evident, but he was putting on a show as if he were. It was all to goad Lavender into some kind of reaction. He naively thought that maybe if he showed her how much she still wanted him, that she’d come back. Maybe they could stop being platonic and go back to what they had.

Kitty grabbed a hold of Sweet Pea’s jacket, and Lavender nearly saw red. She had to chug down her beer to keep from losing it. “Lav, listen.” Lily said, reaching out to put a hand on top of the other girl’s. It was a very...strange gesture to Lavender. “He’s not into her, I promise. He only has eyes for you right now. He’s trying to rile you up.”

Lavender’s eyes softened as she looked back at Sweet Pea, who had chanced a glance at her before leaning in to whisper something to Kitty. The jealousy and rage returned in an instant. Even if Lily was telling the truth, it was working . “He’ll still have sex with her.” Lav said, “He had sex with me and he didn’t even know me.”

Lily pulled her hand away. “He will pretend to, sure. But he won’t actually do it. He’s too chicken shit. I promise, if they leave he’ll just drop her off at her trailer and leave her there. Trust me, he did the same thing to girls when we were taking a break just to annoy me. He doesn’t have side chicks when he’s actively in love with someone. I think...I think we had fallen apart before July even started.” She swallowed down the lump of pain in her throat. Even though she had moved on, it still hurt quite a bit when she thought about it.

Lav was staring at Lily now, eyes as wide as saucers. Her and Sweet Pea had never used the L word with one another. They weren’t ready. It was too big of a step. And while Lav had deep rooted suspicions that she did love Sweet Pea, she was almost sure that he didn’t love her back... at least, not romantically.

“He...loves me?” She asked, still not believing what Lily had just said. The brunette was unperturbed. Sweet Pea was terrible at saying those three words so it wasn’t surprising that he hadn’t told her how he felt. She also wondered if Lavender also had similar issues admitting to her feelings.

“Shanna,” Lav flinched at the use of her real name. “Trust me. No one knows Nathaniel better than I do. If he didn’t love you, then he would have gone out and banged the first chick he came across the night you broke up with him.”

Lav bit her lip, nearly giggling at finally knowing Sweet Pea’s real name. He would never tell her it, even after many nights of begging and trying to seduce it out of him. “Do you think...he could be a dad to her and a boyfriend to me?” She asked, her voice obviously unsure.

Lily smiled softly, “you’ll never know until you let him try.”

The purple haired girl stood, leaving her trash at the table for the time being as she sauntered over to Sweet Pea. He was giving her a curious look as he allowed Kitty to press her body against him. “ Nathaniel ,” Lav said sweetly. Kitty’s head snapped to look at the shorter girl, eyes narrowing into a glare. Her nose was now permanently crooked thanks to Lav’s little stunt when she first became a Serpent.

Sweet Pea grit his teeth, anger flaring at the sound of his name. Lily, he thought icily, looking to his ex as she waved with a huge smile on her face. His eyes shifted back to Lav who was completely ignoring Kitty. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“You’re not together anymore, Northside slut, back off.” Kitty hissed. Sweet Pea’s gaze hardened as he pushed her away from him. He knew how the Northsiders at Riverdale constantly called Lav demeaning names such as slut or whore after her attack. They didn’t know what really happened, and the rumors made it seem like she was gang-banged consensually by a bunch of Ghoulies.

He never stood for anyone calling her either word, because he knew how much it had destroyed her esteem. “Back off, Rollins.” He hissed at her, no longer wanting anything to do with the black haired girl. He put an arm around Lav, his large hand finding the small of her back so he could lead her away.

Though Lav was stricken by the insult, she pretended to brush it off as if it were nothing. She understood why Sweet Pea took the defensive stance and appreciated it greatly. He had even forgotten that she had called him by his real name. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I’ve been an idiot about this whole thing.” Lavender said admittedly, her cheeks dusting with a shade of pink. “Lily...Lily talked to me and she’s right. I shouldn’t be hurting you like this.” He made a face, not liking that she had called him out on his feelings. “I was just worried that I’d take you away from Daisy, but I should have at least let you try to figure out how to balance us.”

He let out a pent up breath, nodding his head slowly. “So what does this mean? You want to get back together?” His heart seemed to be thudding painfully in his chest, as if it were burst free at any moment.

She turned to face him, looking up with those big hazel eyes that drew him in every time. “I know this has been really weird for both of us, Lily and Daisy coming back into your life. But I think...I really think we can work through it. So, if you want me to be your girlfriend again then I would lo-” She cut herself off, “then I would be extremely happy.”

Sweet Pea stared at her, his feelings all jumbled together like a poorly wrapped skein of yarn. “So we’re dating again?” He asked, a bit confused by her rambling.

Lav let out a frustrated groan, “yes! We’re dating again!”

He couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face, his heart pumping full of joy as he leaned down to kiss her with her small face in his hands. She sighed into the kiss, moving her lips against his until Fangs came up and slapped Sweet Pea on the ass.

“Dude!” Sweet Pea snapped at him, not liking the interruption.

“Are you two fucking again or what?” Fangs asked, a stupid smile on his lips. “Because I’m kinda over this whole broken up thing. Not that I don’t love sleeping with you in my arms, Lavie.”

Sweet Pea made a face at him and Fangs quickly changed his tune, “platonically, Sweets. It was a joke.” Sweet Pea rolled his eyes and pulled Lav close to him in a possessive way.

“Anyway,” Fangs said after rolling his eyes. “Let’s celebrate! Drinks on me everybody!” He yelled out, making the crowd cheer.

“Fogarty, I pre-bought all the alcohol you idiot.” Lavender said, a cute pout on her face. “Stop taking credit for my generosity!”

Fangs smirked before walking off, waving his hand at him in a goofy goodbye. “Jerk.” Lav muttered playfully before looking back up at Sweet Pea who had been staring down at her.

“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had.” He mumbled at her, a blush creeping up his neck. “Thanks Rhodes.”

“You’re welcome, Pea.”

The party went on fairly late into the night. As things were starting to wrap up, Lavender noticed that Lily had disappeared even though the rest of their core group was there helping to clean up. “Where’s Lily?” Lav asked Sweet Pea who just sighed.

He ran a hand through his hair, “she keeps disappearing at weird hours. She left about forty-five minutes ago, told me to pick up Daisy and apologized for making me watch her on my birthday. She said she had something to do. Who has something that important to do at two in the morning?”

Lav frowned, seeing a foreign look on his face. If she didn’t know any better, then she would have thought that it was distraught strewn across his features. “You don’t know where she goes?”

“No.” He replied, his tone erring on the side of anger. “She just tells me to watch Daisy and leaves. Sometimes she’s gone for hours.”

Lav threw the trash she had in her hands away, “maybe we should follow her one day.” She looked up to see his thoughtful expression.

“You’re right, Shanna.” She grimaced at her name, “next time we’ll follow her and see where she goes.”

She pulled him down for a quick kiss. “Can I spend the night with you? I don’t want you to be by yourself on your birthday.”

He smirked at her, “technically my birthday ended at midnight. But if you think you can handle a crying baby waking you up in the night, then sure.”

Lav couldn’t help but roll her eyes, “I should have known you’d adjust to that quickly seeing as I used to be that crying baby waking you up all the time.”

Sweet Pea’s gentle smile turned into a disapproving look. “Don’t talk about yourself like that.” He said, not liking her speaking negatively about the aftereffects of her trauma. “You’re not a baby.”

She looked up at him through her thick eyelashes. “I’m your baby.” She said cutely, trying to lighten the mood.

He rolled his eyes at her before letting out a sigh of defeat, “yeah, yeah. I guess you are. Hurry up, Princess, so we can go home.”

With the help of the others, they finished cleaning up the Wyrm and packing up the leftover food. Lavender told Sweet Pea she’d meet him at his trailer since they drove separately and she still had his key. Luckily she knew she still had some clothes stashed over there from when they were dating previously. It just seemed stupid to take it all home when they’d get back together eventually.

When she arrived, she put the food away before retreating to his bedroom, ignoring all of the baby toys strewn across the living room and hallway. She changed into one of his t-shirts and stretched out on his bed as she waited for him to join her.

About ten minutes later, Sweet Pea arrived with a sleeping Daisy. Since it was so late, she was in too deep of a sleep to wake up when he picked her up and brought her home. He put her in her crib and turned on a night light before going into his room.

He couldn’t help but grin at the familiar sight of Lavender on his bed wearing his clothes. The shirt swallowed her whole and looked more like a dress than anything. She glanced up from her phone and smiled back at him. “Hey, birthday boy.” She said, “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s not your birthday any more.” She added sarcastically.

Sweet Pea rolled his eyes at her as he got undressed, stripping down to his boxers before turning off the light and laying down beside her. Lavender planted her face into his hard chest as he arms wrapped tightly around here.

They laid in silence for a few moments before she broke it. “Where do you think she’s going?” Lav murmured.  He could barely hear her as her voice was muffled by his skin. She always seemed to smother herself against him whenever she got the chance. He had no idea how she could possibly comfortably breathe.

“I don’t know.” Sweet Pea said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. “She’s been different since she got back. She’s always in a shitty mood. Yells at me any chance she gets. I know that I hurt her and that I deserve it but...I don’t know, something just doesn’t feel right.”

Lavender let out a small hum in response, unsure of what to say. “You should thank her.” She said finally and she felt him tense up against her.

“For what?” He asked, confused by why his girlfriend would suggest such a thing. “She broke us up.”

“Maybe,” Lavender replied, moving her head slightly so he could hear her better, “but she also got us back together. I probably would have still been trying to prove something to her if she hadn't apologized to me. I guess you and the others laid into her pretty badly for what she said.”

His grip on her tightened. “I told her she was a jealous idiot.” He hissed. “And that you were going to therapy. And...that you still need protection.”

“What are you talking about? We took care of the Ghoulies.” Lavender replied, not understanding. She had been in the clear since the dust settled after taking out the last three.

“The Ghoulies want revenge, Shanna.” Sweet Pea said. “They’ve been making threats again. Jughead may have gotten a lot of them locked away for the time being with that stupid race, but they’ll be out sooner rather than later. It won’t be good.”

She attempted to pull away from him but he wouldn’t let her, keeping his arms firmly in place. “Are you saying they’re after me again? Sweet Pea, why didn’t you tell me?!”

He could feel her heart rate spike through their chests, hear the impending terror in her voice. “They’ve got a score to settle with you, but we won’t let it happen. Okay? Fangs and I have been watching you day and night.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked in a pathetic tone, no longer fighting against him.

“Because if I had then you would have been too scared to sleep and when you don’t sleep you’re an impossible bitch to be around.” Sweet Pea said, “Nothing is going to happen. We’ll watch out for you.”

Lavender huffed, her heart still racing. She attempted to shove her fear outside of her mind, tried to will herself to calm down. At least she felt safe there, in his bed with him holding her so tightly that she could barely move. It was better than being home alone. Hell, it was even better than sharing a bed with Fangs like she often did during her and Sweet Pea’s time apart. The thought of them being together again was the only thing that allowed her to slowly drift to sleep.

The next day, the young Serpents decided to go to the quarry to relieve some stress that had been building due to rising tensions with the Ghoulies. Lavender had opted to wear a sundress that was long enough to cover the tops of her thighs where her scars were. She was lounging in the sun, sipping a daiquiri that Fangs had made for everyone before they left. He filled as many thermoses as he could find to keep them from melting too fast.

Sweet Pea had bought her a new bikini so that she couldn’t use the excuse that hers no longer fit. He wasn’t totally clueless and the biggest sign that she was having body issues were the photos she had given him. Her scars had been barely visible when he knew they were thick bands of stark white against her skin. Either Toni had edited the photos or she had covered her scars with makeup. He assumed the latter.

Lavender made the excuse that she didn’t feel like swimming so she was just going to sit on the shore. She wasn’t about to go in front of everyone wearing nothing but a skimpy bikini. Though she quite loved the one he had bought for her, she simply wasn’t ready.

He walked up, dripping wet as he sat down next to her. She smiled at him softly and offered him her drink, which he took and gulped down. “The water feels great. You should go in.” He said, pretending to be oblivious to her concerns. “It’s not too cold like you thought it might be.”

She frowned, not wanting to argue with him but not wanting to go in either. “Maybe later.” She murmured. “Daisy really likes the water, huh?” She asked in an attempt to change the subject.

They watched the little nine month old, held by her mother, splash around in the water. She was giggling and babbling, making all kinds of happy noises. The others all had smiles on their faces as well. They didn’t seem to notice either teen on the bank.

Sweet Pea did not allow for her to deflect the conversation. He stood back up and quickly scooped his girlfriend into his arms. Lav grappled with him, attempting to get away as she knew what he was about to do. “Sweet Pea! Stop! Put me down!”

“No, you’re going to have fun with us.” He said angrily. “You’re not going to sit over here by yourself like a loser anymore. Christ, even Jones is out there instead of being a wet blanket.”

They came closer to the water and Lav continued to struggle, doing anything she could to get away. Anything besides physically hurting him, which she really did not want to do. “I mean it, Nathaniel, put me down!”

“Okay, Shanna.” Sweet Pea said, dropping her suddenly. She realized her mistake when her body hit the water. She screamed again at him as she righted herself as quickly as she could.

“You are such an asshole!” She screeched, attempting to storm back to shore, however he stopped her by standing in front of her. Any time she tried to get around, he’d move to block her still.

“You’re going to swim with us.” He said firmly. “Or else.”

She rolled her eyes, “Or else what? I’m not a child!”

He leaned down to whisper to her, “Or else I’ll hold out on you, baby girl. Don’t forget, I know just how much you need me to get you off.”

Lavender stopped, her face heating up even though she knew the others couldn’t hear him. “Prick.” She hissed before sinking down into the water. “I hate you.”

Sweet Pea merely shrugged nonchalantly, “sure you do. Why don’t you take your dress off so it doesn’t get ruined.”

She glared at him, “It wouldn’t be ruined if someone didn’t drop me into the water!”

Fangs swam over to them, grabbing Lav by the waist. “I can unzip you!” He said, a giant grin on his handsome face. “I’ll take it to shore. I gotta take a leak.”

“I’m not taking my dress off!” She snapped at the two of them as she tried to get out of Fangs’ grasp. It wasn’t much use, he was too strong for her and the water resistance made it ever harder to struggle.

“Take it off, Fogarty.” Sweet Pea said darkly.

Lavender began to panic, her eyes flooding with tears that made both boys stop their harassment. What Sweet Pea hadn’t intended was triggering her with his order. Her mind jolted into the darkness of a flashback from that night.

“God damn it.” Sweet Pea huffed as he pulled her into his arms to try and calm her down. She only struggled against him, hitting his chest as hard as she could until he let her go. She swam around him and took to the shore, grabbing a towel before running into the forest.

“Good job, asshole.” Lily said and Sweet Pea noticed that everyone was glaring at him. He groaned and turned, about to go after her when Lily stopped him. “Don’t. You’ll make things worse. I’ll go while you play with Daisy.”

Sweet Pea reluctantly took his daughter into his arms as Lily, Toni, and Cheryl all went to go after Lav. Fangs and Jughead were quiet, watching them go. A heavy silence fell on them as Sweet Pea bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to scream until his lungs gave out or punch something until it reduced to tiny little pieces. He had been so good at not triggering her. He hadn’t stepped on a landmine in months . All that work vanished in a split second when he pushed her too far. Christ, why did he always take things too far?

In the woods, Lavender had found a large rock to curl up on as she cried. She didn’t soften her sobs, not realizing that she had been followed. She let herself break down into a soggy mess, unable to form a coherent thought. She could feel their knives gliding across her skin. Her clothes rip off her body. The sheer pain and terror all came back as strong as the night it happened.

“Lavie,” A soft voice broke the sounds of her crying. Lav shrunk against the stone, turning so her back was to the person who called her name. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this. It was embarrassing.

She felt Toni’s arm wrap around her shoulders in a soothing gesture. Lav’s body tensed, unwilling to relax against anyone in the moment even if it was her best girlfriend. “It’s okay, you’re not alone. We’re here.”

Lav did her best to stifle her sobs. She hiccuped back tears as she finally leaned into Toni’s side for comfort. She felt guilty for ruining their fun. “I-I’m sorry.” She managed to stutter out. “I-I didn’t mean.”

“Do not apologize, Purpura Serpenta.” Cheryl said in a calming tone. Lav felt her arm wrap around her waist. “You did nothing wrong.” She added. “That buffoon of a boyfriend of yours is at fault.”

“He didn’t mean to.” Lavender said in a weak attempt to defend him. She didn’t sound like she believed herself.

Lily sat down behind her, resting her back against hers. “He was being an idiot.” She said in a frustrated tone that was totally directed at him and not the crying girl behind her. “Obviously you didn’t want to swim, he should have just left you alone.”

“It’s not that…” Lav mumbled, “I did want to.”

Toni squeezed her shoulder. “You can tell us, Lavie, it’s okay.”

“They’re so ugly.” Lav murmured, nearly breaking down again. “I don’t want anyone to see them.”

The other three were silent, unsure of what to say. Toni and Cheryl continued to hold her as Lily kept their backs touching for her own show of support. “I know it’s not the same but...I feel like my body is a disaster after pregnancy.” Lily said, hiding her face so they couldn’t see how embarrassed she felt to admit it. “My stomach isn't back to where it used to be...I’ve got these gross stretch marks that won’t ever go away. I just wish it could have gone back to what it was before Sweet Pea knocked me up.”

“I wish I was taller.” Toni confessed. “Also not the same, but I hate being so small. No one takes me seriously until I punch them or pull out my knife. It’s such a headache.”

“I love your height.” Cheryl said with a small pout. “It’s perfect to me.”

Lavender began to breathe normally again as she slowly crawled back up from the depths of her inner hell. “I shouldn’t have run away with the Ghoulies giving threats...I’m such an idiot.”

“We wouldn’t let you come out here alone.” Toni replied, pulling her closer. “So don’t worry about that. Even when Sweet Pea and Fangs are being complete jerks, we’ll always have your back.” The other two girls murmured an affirmative.

After a few beats of silence, Lavender uncurled herself from the rock. “We should go back. Before the boys hurt themselves somehow.”

Lily snorted, “dumbasses.” She stood up and offered her hand to Lavender who reluctantly took it. She smiled at her warmly. “You know the best way to get back at him?” She asked, a devious glint in her eye that did not match her smile.

Lav blinked, “what?”

“Just ignore him. He can’t take it. It drives him absolutely crazy.” Lily said, trying her best not to giggle. “I used to do it any time he annoyed me or pissed me off. He’ll be begging for attention in minutes.”

A small smile broke across Lav’s lips. “Okay. Why don’t we both do it?” She asked. “It’ll be twice as much punishment.”

Lily couldn’t help but laugh at the idea, “brilliant, let’s do it.” The two linked arms before returning to the quarry, completely ignoring Sweet Pea, Fangs and Jughead the rest of the afternoon.

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[searchingwardrobes]

Review 2 of 2

I know it’s been a month since part one of this review (which you can read HERE), but I had to collect my thoughts on this book! Not because I had mixed feelings about it - it’s honestly one of the best books I’ve ever read - but because it made me so emotional. I did write a review on Goodreads, which I’m posting below, and after that I’ve included several passages that moved me as I read. I marked a LOT of them (sorry, library), so I hope I can narrow them down. Having said that, this will get long, so more under the cut!

Tagging: @snowbellewells​ @reynoldsreads​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @ekr032-blog-blog​ @superchocovian​ @lfh1226-linda​ @nikkiemms​ @thislassishooked​ @branlovestowrite​ @tiganasummertree​ and I thought of you @distant-rose​ for the way Joy fell in love with England just as much as with Jack :)

****I guess you can say there are technically spoilers beyond this point, but since this is all historical information, many may already know these details. ***

Before I get into that though, I want to clarify a few questions I brought up when I was only half way through the book. I wondered about their letter writing and why those letters were destroyed. Turns out CS Lewis burned all of the letters he received because people wrote to him about very personal things, and he didn’t want those being published after his death. So, that makes sense, I guess, though it still doesn’t explain what happened to the letters he wrote to her, unless he burned those too after her death for the same reason. Jack (what his close friends called Lewis) had a civil marriage with Joy first because of immigration issues, and she and the boys lived in a separate house. However, they still spent a lot of time at the Kilns (Lewis’s home) and lived there briefly at different times. Their relationship, according to most sources, wasn’t physical at that time (however, does anyone really know for sure except for the two of them?), and the book depicts it that way. The church refused to marry them because Joy was divorced, and this was a major issue for Jack due to his faith. Only after a sympathetic priest married them in a hospital did they consummate the marriage.

The major source material for this book was an unpublished manuscript called Courage containing forty-five love sonnets Joy Davidman wrote to CS Lewis. David Gresham, Joy’s son, found them in the back of a closet in 2013. Most of the chapters in the book start with lines from these sonnets. And these sonnets are definitely intimate and passionate. I’ll confess, it’s a little weird when you imagine that famous picture of CS Lewis we’ve all seen a million times, bald headed with his pipe. Like reading sexy poems someone wrote to your grandpa. Nevertheless, the love story crafted in this book was breathtaking.

Here’s the review I wrote on Goodreads:

I almost don't know where to start with this book, it was so good! The writing style, the phrasing, the characterization, it was all stellar. I felt like I knew Joy personally reading this. I also loved how the author didn't romanticize Joy or Jack (C.S. Lewis). She wrote them flaws and all, including their physical traits. This isn't Hollywood, air brushing the protagonists so they fit society's definition of "sexy." This book proves you don't need attractive people to tell a passionate, romantic love story. Love is so much deeper than that. I think that can sum up this entire book: love sees past our flaws; love is attracted to our minds and our souls, not just our faces and bodies; and love blooms best when it's rooted in a strong friendship.

This book also tackled the sexism rampant in the 1950s and how that impacted Joy, who broke the mold on what a woman should be. It makes you realize how the social norms of the day influenced Lewis's friends and their opinions of Joy. (Tolkien despised her.) You also feel Joy's oppression under these expectations and understand why Jack's friendship meant so much to her. He viewed her as an intellectual equal, something she was desperate for. I also was heartbroken over the poor medical care she received simply because she was a woman, with the doctors often completely ignoring her to address the men in her life and making light of her symptoms. Today, she might have lived.

I refuse to read other reviews because I have a feeling many Christians won't like this book. Joy is not a sanitized Christian heroine. She would definitely fit in more with the "bad girls" of the Bible like Rahab and the woman at the well than she would with Sarah or Hannah. She was a real person who came to faith late in life. She made mistakes even after her conversion, and some of them will make the reader uncomfortable. There were a lot of gray areas in her life and in her relationship with Jack that aren't easy to grapple with. So if you're looking for a black and white, squeaky clean, shining beacon of virtue you'll be disappointed. But if you're willing to take the journey with Joy, it's a fantastic tale!

Now for some of my favorite passages! (The book is in first person from Joy’s point of view):

“What could I have done differently? I begged the tortured Christ in stained glass.

My parents had warned me - Why can’t you be softer, nicer, and kinder? Prettier? More like Renee? {Renee was a cousin and one of her husband’s many affairs.} Why couldn’t I? Was this my punishment for such self-will?”

“I stayed and felt the enormous noise vibrate through my body. Chills ran through me, and I shivered with the unceasing sounds, which were cleansing me, coursing through my veins, through my mind and my spirit. The tenor and fifth ringing together, not synchronized or in harmony but in perfect sublime sound. My boundaries dissolved; transcendence enveloped me. God was with me, and always had been. He was in the earth and the wind, in the ringing and the silence, in the pain and in the glory of my life.”

“In his office Jack didn’t just read; he went deep inside the work his eyes fell upon, taking apart the sentences and themes. And while I was nearby, he would often call my name.

‘Joy,’ he’d say, ‘what do you think . . . ‘

Off we’d go into a theological or thematic discussion. Sometimes I feared I would wake and be back in the rambling, falling-apart house in Staatsburg, Bill stumbling drunk down the hallway smelling of sex and whiskey, and find my time with Jack had only been a dream. But instead I sat in the armchair of his office at the top of the staircase discussing the meaning hidden in stories.”

“It’s not an apology, Jack. Can’t you see? It’s grace, the kind that hunts us down and doesn’t let us go. It brought us together. The grace that keeps the planets in their orbits and causes lilies to open their faces to the sun.” I dared to meet his eyes with mine. “It’s love.”

“No.” I took another sip of sherry. “I’m confused . . . . About Jack, I don’t know. This time it’s not just about some physical need. For goodness’ sake, the man smokes sixty cigarettes a day and then his pipe in between. He’s seventeen years older than I am. But he still has this great gusto for life - for beer and debate and walking and deep friendship. Christianity most definitely has not turned him into a dud. This isn’t some lust-fueled fantasy. It’s the connection between us. The discourse. The empathy. The similar paths. This isn’t some obsession with getting something, Belle. It’s the feeling of finally coming home. It’s confusing at best.”

“Red heat filled my chest. He turned to place the sword on the mantle, and the structure of his chin, the lines of his smile, caught the firelight. A line of poetry surged forward in my mind: the accidental beauty of his face.”

“He was instantly next to me, his hands on my shoulders to spin me around to face him. ‘Don’t turn from me,’ he said. ‘I cannot bear that. If we can’t indulge in eros, surely we have all the beauty that remains in philia.’ He pulled me close to wrap his arms around me. Twilight turned to night and my head rested on his shoulder and the palm of his hand was on my neck, stroking my skin with gentleness as if consoling a small child after a frightful storm.

But this wasn’t fright he was trying to subdue; this was desire. His mind might twist firm around logic, but his body divulged the truth.

It was he who let me go, and gently touched my cheek before leaving me quaking without another word.”

“Jack was alongside me every day he came to Oxford from Cambridge, and many whispered that he’d moved in. What vivid imaginations they had.

There had been a night I thought we were on a “date” - when he took me to see Bacchae, the great Greek tragedy. In the dark of the theater he had taken my hand. With our fingers wound together and the great tragic ending of the play approaching, I believed in more for us. But, alas, after leaving that darkened theater our natural rhythms returned - philia, banter, beer, and laughter.”

“At your worst?” He shook his head and his spectacles fell from his face, landed on the worn cream blanket covering my diseased body. “You are beautiful to me, Joy. You are all that is beautiful.” He tucked a stray hair back from my face. “All my life I have thought of love in a literary sense, part of a story or a fairy tale. But love is really true; I know that now. Eros - I haven’t loved completely until now. I know that.” His voice held the truth of every word spoken, a man broken by death’s threat.”

“He kissed me again. ‘Everything I’ve written since the day you walked into Eastgate has been tangled with you. How could I have not seen it at all?’”

“Will you go to them?” I took his hand in mine. “They need you, and they love you, Jack. You know that, don’t you?’

‘As I love them.’ He kissed me and left as a father to my sons.

“All the years wasted believing that love meant owning or possessing, and now the greatest love had arrived in my greatest weakness. In my supreme defeat came my grandest victory. God’s paradoxes had no end.”

“I didn’t know if others understood his deep love for me. I’d wondered and then let it go - it didn’t matter what Tollers {Jack’s nickname for Tolkien} or the Inklings or the Sayers believed. Maybe Jack had admitted his love or maybe he hadn’t, but all that mattered was that I grasped the truth. He loved me when I was brash. He loved me in my weakest state. He loved me after I stopped trying so hard to make him love me. He loved me when I was outwardly unworthy. I thought of Aslan and his words in Prince Caspian, ‘You doubt your value. Don’t run from who you are.’”

“His brown eyes seemed fathomless, their depths holding the answers. ‘Although it was your mind I loved at first, it is not what I’ve loved best. The heart of you is the heart of me now, and I want to know it fully.’”

[yeeosang-archive2]

ok i kinda love food discourse so!! thoughts on: tomatoes, mushrooms, root beer, bell peppers, chocolate ice cream, licorice?-hongjoonim

@hongjoonim

tomatoes - i don’t like them in slice form but everything else is fine ahskndf

mushrooms - it’s a no from me dawg

root beer - my absolute favourite kind of pop if i ever drink 

bell peppers - i like them!!

chocolate ice cream - it’s nice but if i eat too much i get a headache

licorice - it’s also a no from me dawg