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anestheticrage · 4 years

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Be me: Japanese honor student🎓, 15, with half a brain and even less of a plan. Hunting bitches by day and witches by night. Livin that dank only child✌️ life while mom n dad yeet all over the globe, leavin me plenty of time to forget not to make 2 lunches for myself #quirky 😜

no time for socialization or basic electronics skills ???📱??? when your best friends are an alien demon rabbit🐰👽 and the inexplicable Hole ™ in your brain. lmao, btw did i mention im ✨M✨A✨G✨I✨C✨A✨L✨

dreamin bout my 2D waifus again when familiar pink haired cancer patient dances through my brain passin out fliers: Kamihama Meguca Dating Service: Sponsored by Cult of the Magius. 250 stones per session 🤔

seems legit, Mr. Moneybags. wasn't spending my unwieldy sack of gemstones on anything else anyway. lets pull 💎💎💎

first up we have Redhead Radagast and her plethora of plants. 🌿☺️🦎

anndd, nearly dies immediately.

well not off to a great start but i guess shes pretty cute at lea- oh FUCK its her girlfriend, Tsundere Poseidon😒🔱💦, and their exasperated, straight and single Sword Mom 😔🗡️🔥. fml gonna have to save up for the next pull. might as well play a few rounds with what i got tho.

get in some good girl talk about things like school, color coded hair styles, body count, permanent soul damage, and our personal demon pacts. ya know, the usual 😚 . realize my dark backstory seems to be missing, so the girls take me to Ketchup Queen Sappho 🍅🥧 (wtf?) to molest my glowy egg stone. whatevs, more action than ive had since Kuroe 🖤 got added to the story anyway

the gang agrees it's time to hunt down the cutest rabbit pimp 🕶️🐇💵 in the city. >> say 🎵mukyuuu🎵 one more time and ill hug you so hard my backstory will pop right out, you adorable fluffy bastard. plz be my new best friend 💕

Form brand new friendship pact with Kyubae, and remember that my lil Sis 🐥 was always the best wingman for pickin up magic chicks, and kept her side of the room so spotless i forgot she existed. whoops 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ Maybe if I find her i can stop paying these exorbitant pull fees.📵💎

speaking of which: hot damn this week's featured bachelorette is a 19 year old model and magical detective🔎 with massive levels of PTSD and self loathing 🥵💙💦 more likely to stab you or dramatically jump off a rooftoop than utter a single positive comment. wow, maybe i really COULD find true love…

... if i had MORE THAN A 1% FUCKING DRAW CHANCE. 😡 smh

hard to make much progress finding sis or winning the broken heart of a hard boiled detective amidst the never ending lover's quarrel of the Trident Vine Lesbians. 💔 Sword Mom tells them if they don't behave a monster will take them away. LOL classic mom 🤣

>>>HOLY FUCK IT DID

declare all-out war on urban legends, starting with staircases ⚔️ to reunite the dysfunctional trio, and hope that I net a way better lineup with the next 10x pull. at least sad sleuth lady came to help out. they say combat is the best way to bond wi- and there she goes off the rooftop again 🙄 fml

alright that got way off track, we need a fresh start, away from all the loli drama. how bout a little B&E🔓🔨🤷🏻‍♀️ at the local house of worship to clear my head. ahh nothing like the unanswered prayers of the masses to get you in the mood for another wasted pull, and the 🔥 MIGHTIEST 🔥 headache you could ask for with a side of Double Cooked Pork 🐖🍜 (meh 5/10🧾)

venture forth into the spiritual unknown with your new human flamethrower🔥🌻🧡 and ask your favorite private eye to please, for the love of Eve, trade Meguca accounts with me~~~ Head through the eastern spirit portal to meet up with hologram propaganda sis and detective crush's evil ex, who joined a dating-app cult (#fuck) and also turned into the moon?🌕?(that's rough buddy)

get ambushed by Acid Horse on Wheels 🌈🐴 and vomit up my soul so hard that its time for a crossover episode. T U R F F F W A R R R *que operatic harmonies* 💛 Blondie with the hair drills and enough attitude and guns to fill up a noble phantasm tries to ban my account permanently, but PI heartthrob denies her admin privileges. aww babe i didn't know you cared. 😭♥️

get kidnapped by my new true love and go back to her place 😏 defs enough empty rooms to house five emotionally traumatized girls and at least two ghosts hehehe👻 XD 💚🃏💜🎸 decide to form the anti-gossip brigade and recruit my blazing sunflower after getting ambushed by the witch living in my fruit loops🥣

❌outvoted 2:1 that cults are bad. mf. fiinneee one last pull to round out the team and then I'll delete the app. cmonnn Karin 🎃~

OH HELL YEAH TWO FOR ONE.

Always wanted a daughter 💜🔨🐄 with a penchant for pissing off the local Martial Arts & Books Club and drinking suspicious liquids offered by total strangers. Well if it's good enough for her AND the sexy mayadere with enough game to seduce a mermaid, might as well get in on that myself.

#curseddrank 🤢 0/24 would not recommend to a friend, 'cept maybe Ria

win alot of cash 🤑, blow up a fountain, meet the pied piper²🎶🖕, moon cult, monochrome feathers, something about liberation✊🏻; adopt temper tantrum cow girl. aces 💜🥩

Next up!!! skydiving with DJ Hammer! Jump to apparently-not-certain death after suicidal A.I. 💚💾🗼 tells you to rescue her hostage before they run out of Radiohead albums and have to move on to Thom Yorke's solo discography. save the invisible shield kitten 💚👑😿 from happiness and get chased through the internet by the sexiest homicidal Paint Pallette 💚🎨😈 since Caravaggio. (apparently green is the color of the digital apocalypse. i’m deleting Kako from my friend's list)

that’s it, fuck this app. 250 stones 💎 per-life-threatening-experience is more than i’m willing to deal with 😓 don’t wanna mess with the perfect nuclear family anyway. we've already got:

✔️the two emotionally traumatized moms with memory and commitment issues

✔️the adhd daughter with anger management problems and a giant hammer

✔️the psychologically abused scizophrenic cat

✔️and the eccentric aunt with crippling anxiety

#squadgoals

now that were done hoarding bitches, its time to hunt the witches. and the bitches makin the witches. btw did i mention the witches ARE the bitches! AND WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!? 📽️⁉️💀 wait fuck lets back up a second

This is Nemo📕 and Token🧪 and they have all the answers but prefer if you only ask vague questions in exchange for vague responses so they can fill in the rest by discussing their superior intellect 🧠 at length. not to mention they built that dating app, so of course everyone in my harem decides to be a FUCKING. TRAITOR.🤬

cept waifu prime ofc 🥰💙. [PTSD > brainwashing] 'yOu CaN bE tHe LeAdEr NoW'. i have been from the very beginning you traumatized Hinedere nightmare. maybe if you weren't so caught up collecting surrogate daughters you would've noticed IM👏THE👏ONLY👏 ONE👏PROGRESSING👏THE FUCKING👏PLOT✨

rescue the rest of dysfunctional found-family™ from selves before my adorable firebender burns down Disnihama🎡🔥😱 during her weekly anxiety attack. (love the makeover T B H)

CHAPTER 8: Magical Girl Massacre🩸🗡️

- everyone has like, the shittiest day ever

- the new Pope really needs to be extradited from the church

- make friends with a really pretty tree 🌺🌲✨

i swear, if i don't finish this god damn story in time to get that free pull im gonna beat the shit out of every mirror i find in that giant mansion that i haven't even had any time to even mention yet. 🖕🏚️ let alone EVERYTHING happening with the prequel [fuck you, I'm the star] girls 💗💜💙💛❤️️ and their multidimensional melodrama. We don't need that many repetitive af episodes to emphasize that Homo-ra is a shitty person. we've all seen Rebellion. 🙄

NO, I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT SAPPHO'S BACKSTORY, I ONLY HAVE 79 STONES LEFT AND IF YACHAN FINDS OUT I HAVEN'T DELETED THE APP YET IM GONNA HAVE TO GO SLEEP IN WITH SANA 😭💎💸😠

uhhhggggg where were we… Topple a cult and burn down Hotel Denoument only to realize that Sis was fused with the dating app servers this entire madokafuckin time (told ya she was the best wingman 😊).

Dilemma: Sis =🥚, Triumvirate of Trouble want 🐣. What do? vote now:

Help Hatch - IIIIIII

Not Do That - IIIII

What The Actual Fuck Is Going On - IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lets just fight everyone until something good happens.

🔥🔫🔥🗡️🔥😱🔥🌆🔥😱🔥🛡️🔥💣🔥

Kill (???) the artist-in-chief of the italian reindeer murder police after teaching her the true meaning of Christmas 🎄 hatch 🐣lil Sis and realize she WAS your wingman all along🐰 MUKYUUUU! we're just gonna ignore how much trouble it would have saved if you'd just mentioned that. "yOu DiDnT aSk..."

FUCK YOU SPACE BITCH. ONCE AN INCUBATOR ALWAYS AN INCUBATOR 🖕🐇🔪

anywho, somewhere along the lines we of course summoned the Antichrist ⚙️ because why not raise the stakes to max and still not kill off a single character. Madofuckinkami, can we PLEASE wrap this up. 😩💤

feathers (not the culty kind, tfm) rain from the sky, and the power of friendship and not having the Urobutcher 🔪🩸as a lead writer saves our peacefully sectioned off alternate reality 😇

TL:DR fuck cults, real life waifus DO exist, don't sell your soul to space rabbits, or your stones to megacorporations. Enjoy arc 2 on the JP server with your shitty translation patch you filthy fuckin weebs

Yours Truly,

- Thirsty Weeb Eroha 💗💎😘

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whynotgio · 4 years

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A Walk In The Park.

Sunlight tries to penetrate the dark recesses of my mind, good luck. Blackout curtains cover my eyelids, ear sockets, nose pits and mouth hole. Ain’t no sunshine getting in here, ever. A low growl builds from outside the door. No Homie. Another growl followed by light whimpers and scratches. Homie chill out.

Anyway, sunlight penetrates the duct taped blackout curtains- no wait that’s not it. Sunshine tries to penetrate the dark- Bark. Damnit, Homie be quiet! The entire door frame rattles from the weight of the demon trying to get inside. Bark! Bark!

Fuck okay Homie hold on! The door swings open and the beast is on top of me before I know it. Homie get down! Saliva and slobber shoot from his mouth and land on my face. The smell is disgusting but I can’t help but laugh. Alright bro that’s enough come on. He’s laughing too, but his accident prone canines are getting a bit too close for comfort. It never really occurs to me how strong Homie actually is until I’m trying to get him off of me. Or whenever he sees Linda’s pomeranian.

I wriggle out from under him and roll off the bed to start my day, unfortunately he doesn’t get the memo. He lies on his stomach still as a rock, eyeing every movement I make, just waiting for his chance to pounce. Homie...Chill out. His tail starts wagging against the wall hard enough for my next door neighbor to think I were hanging up a picture frame. Shit. I’m careful not to make any sudden movements, slowly looking over to the dusty alarm clock on the computer desk. 5:09PM. Shit. The semi open journal on the naked mattress displays today's half baked attempt at poetry.

Something scary is happening,

And it will not be ignored.

I don’t know where or when it’ll strike

So I’m prepared to leave at any moment.

Knife, Rope, Water, Medicine.

These are my survival tools.

God I can’t believe I spent all day working on that. Alright Homie, my fault. I reach over to pet his head and he snaps out of defensive position to meet me halfway. Let’s get you outside before you pee the bed.

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It feels good to be outside. The air is crisp with that east coast pre-winter breeze, where it’s cold enough to see your breath but nice enough to smoke a blunt. I like days like this, brings back memories of cutting class just to hang out behind the school. Why didn’t we ever go anywhere? Homie’s loving it too but I don’t think the weather really matters to him, he just likes being outside. Kinda like those oldheads who always sit in front of the building. I'm pretty sure those lawn chairs they sit in have been there longer than them.

Homie peed already, 3 times to be exact. Now he just has to poop. I used to hate this part, our first few walks would take hours because he couldn’t find a good place to do his business. But that was like 2 years ago, before we really got to know each other. Now I usually just go in my head and let Homie lead the way. As long as we stay away from big crowds and he gets to sniff every inch of the sidewalk, our walks go off without a hitch. Sometimes he gets fixed on a leaf or something and we have to come to a complete stop, like right now.

Looks like Homie led us right to the block I usually try to avoid. He’s got his nose inside a crumpled paper bag, most likely smelled an old churro or something, We got food at home leave that shit alone. This area really isn’t too bad but I’ve got some bad experiences here. Come on Homie let’s go. Better safe than sorry.

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Alright once we get upstairs the plan is to shower, clean the room, make something to eat and finally finish today's poem. Poetry usually flows right out of me- yeah yeah gay I know- but for some reason this one is giving me some trouble. Kind of feels like I've been working on it forever now.

We get to the front of the building and Homie runs up to the door, waiting to be let in. I know buddy I know we’re almost there. Left pocket, empty. Right pocket, empty. Hmm. Left back pocket, crumpled paper. Right back pocket, empty. Oh shit. Left... right… aha! hoodie pouch… empty. No no no no no fuck… Homie turns away from the door and places his two front paws on my leg, jumping up and down. Dammit! Okay sit down and take a deep breath, deep breath… okay. Homie waits silently at the door. Come here… He walks over and nuzzles his head onto my lap. I’m sorry buddy, looks like we’re locked out.

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We’ve been locked out before, a few times actually. Memory is pretty shitty ever since the accident so I forget alot of stuff. Looks like I don’t have my phone either. Mom should be home soon anyway, we’ve just got to kill time until 7pm. Good thing it’s nice outside today. Homie is cozied up next to me watching the leaves blow by. Must be nice to not know why you’re here, or rather not care. The gps tracker watch mom got me for christmas reads 5:42PM UNKNOWN LOCATION. Well, might as well try and finish this stupid thing.

Something scary is happening.

I don’t know why or what,

But I know that it's real.

And I know that you can feel it too.

You try to pretend it’s not there.

You distract yourself with things

you think you like.

But you can never forget

Something scary is happening.

Homie lets out a few forceful exhales while nudging my shoulder. What’s up? He walks to the apartment door and begins jumping up and down. I’m sorry buddy we have to wait...- 6:05PM- at least another hour. He drops his head and lazily walks back over to our spot against the wall. Is there anything you want to do? Homie jerks up and begins panting heavily. Yeah that’s a good idea.

It’s weird being in the park during the day, we usually come at night when it’s dark enough to not see other people. I don’t hate people or anything, I don’t even really mind them most of the time, they’re just always trying to say something. I wish we had a limit on the amount of words we could say in a day, then people would really have to think about the things that came out of their mouth. Or maybe we could have point requirements for certain words, your sentence has to meet this minimum level of excitement to use an adjective. No more amazing dinners or great times. Unless your dinner starts with a magician pulling a scarf out of a chicken, it was just dinner. And great time doesn’t even make any sense, for something to be great it has to be of ‘considerably greater quality than the average’ but there is no more or less when it comes to time, it just is. Cheesecake can be great, time is inescapable.

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We’re a lot further into the park now so it’s just us. I don’t really know how we got here but the area feels familiar. There are a few yellowed packs of backwoods strewn around two big rocks, maybe I smoked here before. The area is spacious but not big enough to be noticed by someone who wasn’t looking for it. Homie seems to know exactly where we are, he’s sniffing around the outskirts of the clearing. What are you up to? He doesn’t pay me any mind, just keeps on sniffing around. I wonder what he’s looking for, probably gold. This rock looks comfortable enough Homie seems entertained for now so…

Something scary is happening-

Damn I wish I had some weed, I wonder if Naz is up right now. Hmm that’d be pretty weird though, it’s been way too long since i’ve seen her… Whatever happened between us? Ah whatever, probably best that I don’t cop. It’s not like I would even get high, the smoke just goes right through me whenever I try. Probably because of the meds, why couldn’t they just give me a weed prescription? Or maybe even some benzos, at least then I'd be able to share with my friends. Who the fuck wants to split a prozac with the depressed guy at the party? Whatever.

The me you see? He’s just the bait.

So that when scary things happen

I’m nowhere to be found.

He takes the damage while I run away.

I hide inside his mind, waiting patiently.

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The sun is gone now and Homie is nowhere to be found. How the hell did I lose track of time like that again? Homie!! Nothing. Shit. This is not good. This is really not good. HOMIE!! Fuck, fuck, fuck okay. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. He’ll show up, he always does.

The clearing does not look as welcoming as it did earlier. Slivers of moonlight try to shine through the dense treetops, illuminating randomly spaced out spots of the clearing below, the rest covered in a thick blanket of darkness. That familiarity from earlier is kicking in again, along with a heavy sense of dread. I swear I know this place.

Homie! I must be scared because I’m whispering now. Homie stop fucking around and get out here right now. There’s a rustle in the leaves to the left. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Stop fucking shaking. There it is again, a louder rustle this time, followed by a low guttural growl. You know what fuck this, whatever that thing is it’s not my dog. As I turn around to walk away an all too familiar bark echoes from the opposite direction of the rustling leaves. I knew it. Knowing that my dog isn’t the creepy thing calling me in the woods is both comforting and terrifying, so I smile quickly to myself while getting the fuck out of there. On my way out I take one last look behind me. It’s hard to make out but it’s definitely there, a slight space in the bushes from someone, or something, that pushed aside the leaves to slip through.

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7:15pm. Back in the main part of the park now, still haven’t found Homie but I'm glad to be away from whatever that thing was. Hoooooooommmmmiiiiieee! A bark travels from what sounds like the track and field.

The park seemed completely empty until I got to the track. There’s a small crowd of people on the field holding candles, some have signs too. Seems like the end of a protest, or maybe the beginning of a party. Either way it’s weird for them to be here, people don’t really come to this part of the city to do things. What’s even weirder is finding Homie sitting next to the bleachers, watching the protesters from a distance. Hey you! Homie turns his head and barks when he sees me. What the hell are you doing here? You scared the shit out of me. He jumps up to lick my face while I aggressively rub his head and put his leash back on. I really should be mad right now but I’m just so happy to see you. Homie sits back down and continues watching the protesters. What do you wanna join them or something? He pays me no mind and continues to stare. I watch him watch them, then watch them, then watch him again. Weird. Alright come on let’s get home.

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Back at the front steps now, the light is on in mom's bedroom but she doesn’t seem to be hearing the doorbell. She’s probably sleeping or something. Funny how the medicine affects us differently, her pills put her to sleep and mine keep me up all night. To be honest i’m not really looking forward to seeing mom right now, we kind of had a falling out a little while ago. It was nothing too major, I guess the doctor's office called her or something and, well long story short I haven’t been going to my sessions. We had this big old dumb argument about it and never really got to make up. That must have been, hmm… wait when did that even happen? It’s a small apartment but we’re somehow able to go weeks without so much as a goodmorning together. Well, here goes nothing. Ma!! No response. MAAAA!! Nothing. Homie patiently waits next to my leg while I scream at the second story window. Well don’t you wanna go home too? Bark or something. He cocks his head to the side and stares at me but offers no help. Whatever. Her window looks open enough for a stone to pass through so I start looking for ammo. I’ve got 4 or 5 nice rocks ready to launch when the light in her window shuts off.

Homie’s ears perk up, as she comes down the stairs. I drop my window tappers and peek through the glass of the front door. There she is, dressed in grey jeans, a thick sweater and one of her signature funky hats. For as long as I can remember my mother has been wearing hats; fedora, kangol cap, big straw beach hat, new era 51, silk head scarf, the list goes on and on but, if it can be worn on your head best believe she has one in her closet. I never really understood why she insisted on wearing hats, she has such long beautiful red hair. I asked her about it once and she teared up and said, “being beautiful isn’t always a nice thing”, after that I dropped it.

She’s walking towards the front door and does not look happy to see me. She actually looks really fucking sad. Ah shit here we go, Hey ma i’m- She opens the door and walks right past without saying a word. Seriously? Ma! Nothing. MA! She continues speed walking down the block and disappears around the corner without even looking back. Homie starts to follow her but I yank him back to catch the door before it closes. Not now Homie, mom’s not too happy with us.

We’re inside the apartment now, God it feels good to be home.

Here you go Homie, you get a big bowl of nasty dog food and 3 meaty treats for being such a trooper today. He ignores the food and slowly walks away. What’s wrong? Aren’t you hungry? He makes his way to my room, scratching the door until I open it for him.

It’s the same as I left it earlier today, semi packed boxes strewn around, a naked mattress propped up against the wall with an empty computer desk sitting across from it. Homie silently watches me move around the room. Why do I feel like you’re trying to tell me something? He exhales forcefully out his nostrils and plops himself down next to the mattress. Alright weirdo you can stay right there, i’m gonna take a shower. He doesn’t even look at me. Okay clothes, clothes, clothes. Ah! There's a box labeled ‘ISAAC CLOTHES’ in the corner of the room, it’s duct taped and covered with a thin layer of dust. That’s weird, why would I put my clothes in a box with my name on it. With that thought a blinding light bursts from one of the boxes and the floor becomes nothing. SSSAAAAAAXKKKKKK. I try to cover my ears but it’s too bright to even find my hands. The floating orb creeps closer, forcing me to scramble into the corner of the room. The closer it gets the louder it screams. SSSSSAAAAAAAAXXXKKKKKK. Bright rays pierce my eyelids and fill my skull with burning light. The screeching stops and the pain is gone. There is nothing left, only light. What was once me is almost gone, I think this is the end.

You know what…

this isn’t too bad.

A monstrous bark rips a hole through the light and returns me to the world of shadows. The walls fold back together and the ground returns beneath my feet. Homie stands in front of me barking at the orb as it fades away. The light is much dimmer now, but I can still feel it’s otherworldly density pulling me into its orbit. It shrieks one last time, this time in a low whisper. ISSSAAACCC… And with that the light fades away completely.

Deep breath. Homie stands guard, staring at the corner of the room the orb faded into. Homie are you okay? He snaps out of his trance and slams into my chest, knocking me back to the floor I worked so hard to get up from. Bro… His ears perk up and he waits patiently for me to stand up. What was all that? Homie says nothing, but his eyes hold secrets. Why do I get the feeling you know exactly what’s going on right now? Homie barks loudly. You do don’t you! Homie barks again and sprints out of the room.. Something tells me we won’t be back for a while. I turn off the lights and take one last look around before shutting the bedroom door, it’s funny how your whole life can be packed away into a few boxes. Homie barks again but it sounds like he’s outside. I race down the building stairs and find him waiting for me at the entrance. How did you get out here? He says nothing and takes off in the same direction mom went.

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After about 15 blocks of trying to keep up with Homie we finally stop at the park entrance. What are we doing back here? He sniffs the ground and heads further into the park. Homie, be honest with me… can you talk? He continues to sniff and walk away. Damn, some verbal answers would be real nice right about now.

Homie leads us right back to the track and field. The small group from earlier has formed into a very large crowd and they have a small wooden stage built now. Most of them are holding up signs and candles. There are a few people on the stage, it looks like two teenagers setting up a microphone. Homie’s trying to get me closer to the group by biting and pulling at my pants leg but something is holding me back.

Everything begins to blur together and the lights from the candles start to expand and streak across the field. Oh no, it’s happening again. The lights are getting closer but Homie isn’t scaring them away this time. Homie please, please do something.

A loud attention grabbing shriek blasts from the makeshift wooden stage and snaps me out of the trance. I instinctively wipe my eyes and they’re wet and warm to the touch. Blood, no… tears. I was just crying, why was I crying? Microphone feedback echoes from the staging area again and an angelic bass boosted voice clears her throat.

“Sorry about that…”

Whatever small amount of noise the crowd was making immediately comes to a halt and every head turns towards the woman on stage.

“Thank you Tahmid and Nazeath for putting together this wonderful event, I can not put into words how-”

The woman's voice cracks on the last word and she bows her head for a moment to regain some composure, dropping her funky hat in the process.

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Naz rushes over from the side of the stage to pick up the hat and whisper what I assume are encouraging words in my mothers ear. She continues speaking and my feet edge closer to the stage with every word.

“-Thank you, I can not put into words how lucky my son was to call you two his friends. And of course thank you to all the beautiful young souls who came out here tonight to honor his memory. I just wish he were here to see how much he was loved...”

At this point I'm close enough to the crowd to read their posters. WE MISS YOU ISAAC, REST IN PARADISE, FLY HIGH, GONE TOO SOON. What the fuck is going on? I glance over at Homie but he refuses to make eye contact.

“-It’s hard to believe it’s already been a year since Isaac was taken from us. Sometimes I swear I can still hear him typing away in his room at 3am...”

Some of the listeners in the crowd chuckle at this, some silently cry.

“I know a lot of you probably know my son from his blogging site, which I didn’t even know about until after he… after he passed. I wish I had known though, maybe then I could have understood the pain he was going through, maybe I could have helped.”

She chokes up a bit towards the end but after a few deep breaths she’s back to normal.

“I’ve had the luxury of going through my son's website this past year. The things he wrote, his stories were all so… tragic. Reading them hurts, it hurts because I can feel everything he was going through but I can’t do anything about it. Reading them hurt, but I would be lying if I said they haven’t helped me, and I think they helped all of you too. Zach had a way with words that made you feel understood, like you weren’t alone… So that’s why it brings me so much joy to see you all here tonight, because I know Issac’s words have touched you too.``

A solemn round of applause for the grief stricken mother, I think I'm going to throw up. I look at Homie for help but he’s gone. Panic starts to rise in my chest but it doesn’t stay for long, I know exactly where he’s going next.

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I arrive at the clearing in the woods from earlier and find Homie waiting for me. The small gap in the bushes is still there. I look at Homie hoping he will take the first step, but he just waits by my side patiently. Are you ready? He stands up on all fours and barks. Well, here goes everything.

The trail takes us about 10 minutes to get through and ends in another clearing, this one hugging the side of a river. It must have been a secret fishing spot or something, there are some scattered beer cans but otherwise the area looks completely untouched. Homie lays down on his stomach while I investigate the open area. I try to kick an empty beer can into the river but my foot goes right through it, that’s crazy. So how long have I been dead then? Homie stares at me and says nothing. No, no… Has it really been a whole year? He cocks his head to the side and stares blankly. I really wish you could speak right about now, some answers would be nice. I sit down on the river edge and stare out across the water. There’s an old abandoned tire factory on the other side of this river, and to the left a small bridge people usually throw their trash over.

So, one year ago today… Homie walks over to me and offers me his head to rub while I think out loud.

...One year ago today I woke up, brushed my teeth, and decided to walk into the Bronx river. Homie says nothing.

So that poem i’ve been working on, that’s the last thing I wrote huh? I flip to the end of my journal and see a page has been ripped out. Wait, left… right… there it is in my back left pocket. I smooth out the crumpled up paper and begin to read.

Something scary is happening.

I don’t know why or what,

But I know that it's real.

And I know that you can feel it too.

You try to pretend it’s not there.

You distract yourself with things

you think you like.

But you can never forget

Something scary is happening,

I don’t know where or when it’ll strike

So I’m prepared to leave at any moment.

Knife, Rope, Water, Medicine.

These are my survival tools.

And the me you see? He’s just the bait.

So that when scary things happen

I’m nowhere to be found.

He takes the damage while I run away.

I hide inside his mind, waiting patiently.

Now this method has worked for years,

And with it I've survived many scary things.

But for some reason lately,

I feel the scary creeping in.

Luckily there’s a void in him,

Which will keep me safe from everything.

The only catch, absolute darkness.

A small price to pay for safety from everything.

Blackout curtains cover my eyelids,

ear sockets, nose pits and mouth hole.

Ain’t no sunshine getting in here, ever.

Guess that’s why it’s been taking so long to finish, I didn’t want to get to the ending. IIISSAAACCC. The voice calls out to me from the water. Streaks of silver and grey light from all corners of the river swim towards one spot and a bright bluish orb rises out of its place. The floating orb of light edges closer to us but I feel no fear. I look over at Homie, he doesn’t look scared either.

IIISSAAACCC… Are you ready?

Warm tears stream down my face as I feel the orb pull me into its orbit, deep breaths.

What if I don’t want to go? What if it was all just a big misunderstanding, can I take it back?

The orb stops in its path and dims it’s light enough for me to stop squinting.

You made your decision long ago. There is no back or forward Isaac, only now.

He’s right, or she, I guess pronouns don’t really matter to ethereal spheres of light. I give Homie a big hug and rub his back for the last time.

You are the best boy. Thank you for everything.

He licks my face and begins to whimper. Fuck this is hard.

I need you to stay here okay? You got to keep mom safe. You’re not my guard dog anymore, you’re hers. I love you.

I turn around and walk towards the floating ball of light in the middle of the river. It kind of looks like a moon now, which I guess is more comforting than walking into the sun. Last time I did this I only made it 4 steps before falling through the surface, now I'm almost halfway across the river and the ice hasn’t even made a sound. I turn around for one last view and see Homie sitting right in front of me. Homie what are you doing! He cocks his head to the side and stares at me with his tongue hanging out. Ice shoots up my spine as I realise, The light isn’t only here for me… Homie walks past me and towards the floating orb. Dammit Homie! Why did you go in the water! I told you to stay! I told you to stay! Homie bows his head and lets out a whimper. IISSAAACCC… It is time. The tears are really coming out now. Fucking dog.

I grab Homie by the ears and stare deep into his eyes. Hey, I’m sorry, you’re not the one I'm mad at. You were just looking out for me, like you always do. He licks my face and barks happily. Alright, deep breaths, let's do this. I’m ready. The orb begins to change from it’s comforting bluish hue to a bright waxy yellow. The light grows stronger and brighter until all I can see is white. My body has melted away and I can feel my consciousness slipping, I guess this is the end.

Hey Homie are you there?

Por supuesto hermano.

#shortstory

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hollyhomburg · 5 years

Note

So.. i just read the ask where you said you dated two men at the same time and... idk i... wlskdjwl... i have never heard of real-life poly relationships happening like... outside if fanfics o.O, and i’m kind of curious right now and all.... But of course i don’t want to get on your nerves and all... ehhmm aNYWAYS I LIKE YOUR FANFICS BYEEEE 🏃🏼‍♀️💨

Okay so lemme tell you about F and A, the highlight of my semester abroad in South Korea, they where both in the same program I was, we were kinda all in the same friend group, there was a fuck ton of tension, I was mad into A at first and F was a very very gay man, kissed me occasionally we played around and joke flirted a lot at first. And then the three of us slept together for the first time.

it was amazing, not going to lie- like- it’s better than fanfic makes it seems but double penetration is a lot scarier in real life and im kinda regretting the fact I never let them try it even though they very much wanted too- part of the reason why I was so intimidated was because they were both pretty big and my ass is a bit ol virgin. F, in particular, was a monster. This is kinda cringy but like- he thought he made me piss myself at one point and A and I had to explain to him that girls can squirt and he had this like /oh/ moment and then demanded to eat me out. alot of other things happened that night.

things got a little bit awkward after that, a little different, F and I got closer we would go on dates all the time, he kissed me in the middle of a field at night time, told me he loved me, told me that he was seriously questioning his sexuality because of his experience with me, on one of our last days together he told me “we’re soulmates you know, but i feel like we met too early, maybe in the next life was when we were supposed to meet.”

A and F got closer, they would go on dates all the time and I (jealously) would whine until they invited me. A and I got into a bad fight about one of my other french friends who had a vendetta against Parisians and didn’t talk for a few days. A didn't pick sides but I didn’t expect him to be on mine. we fooled around a little bit, things between A and I healed a little, the three of us went out for dinner often cuddled into booths and fed each other spoonfuls of shaved ice while the waitress's put up with my bad Korean, F and A spoke Spanish to each other, and A and I flirted in french.

then at a bar one night we where playing truth or dare, and F dared A “choke her in the middle of the bar- you know she wants it shes been wanting it all night” F had already fingered me in the bathroom and then immediately bragged to A, across the bar, I made eye contact with my friend who didn’t like A (lets call him T) and T left the bar soon after.

And then we slept together again and afterwords in the hotel room, F fell asleep and after A and I got into another fight he ended up leaving, and rather than wake F up I cried and left the hotel room too to head back to our dorm and spent the weekend in kind of a subdroppy haze without a dom (not a good feeling).

things between A and I never got better after that, and A and F grew apart too as F and i got closer and closer until the soulmate thing. then another shitty weekend happened, where I got drugged in Gangnam, F took care of me, then also kissed one of our other friends- which wouldn't have honestly been that much of an issue if he hadn’t had gotten jealous of me kissing someone else a few days prior.

he left me hanging the next night and I remember telling him “either decide if you’re going to make me your girlfriend or don't get in my way” he clarified that he couldn’t love me in the way I needed to be loved and I fucked another dude (An American gi who had a big cock and didn’t know how to use it at all- literally the most dissatisfying dick I've ever had) and the next day F and I talked and he cried and told me, “I don't have enough time to be mad at you, i’d rather enjoy our last few weeks together”

we did, kissed, and fell deeper in love, A left Korea without telling or saying goodbye to either of us, on a walk-in ewah a week before Christmas, F told me that it was probably for the best with tears in his eyes.

F and I talked every few days when we first left korea, and now almost a year and a half after I last saw him, he still texts to check in every few weeks even though we don’t talk much anymore. I still love him deeply and tell him so often, i love him but I’m not in love with him I don't think. now that I know what it’s like to be loved the way he loved me I don't think I could deal with the same kind of relationships I used to be satisfied with- which is probably why I’ve been single since him T-T.

I don't know if I ever loved A, I don't think I did but sometimes I think of the way he held my waist sometimes and think maybe.

maybe its too far fetched to call that an almost poly relationship, but it felt like that to me. that's the story of my almost poly relationship! it felt really nice. if I were to be in a poly relationship again I'd probably be more communicative- I also think id need it to be like just us if that makes sense? like poly in a group but not open outside of that group.

#Anonymous

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maggiesarchives · 5 years

Note

okay i wanna hear about the Maine au, Rich Boy au, and the Ralbert Mailman

Maine Au (related works: New Love Is Like Freshly Fallen Snow and Forever)

Okay so Finn is from Santa Barbara California and he is a writer, but he was having trouble writing so he calls Rey up

Finn and Rey were best friends in college, but then when college was over she moved back to the little town in Maine where she grew up

After a lot of thought, Finn decides to move out to Maine because he thinks the small town perspective will help him.

So Finn lives in this kinda shitty but overall nice little apartment above Rey's little cliche bakery book shop thingy (he shares the apartment with Rey, probably)

Fast forward a couple of months, Finn is just chilling out, sitting on the counter at like 7 am before the store opens, reading some shakespeare, when there's a knock on the door

Rey looks at the security cam screen, sees who it is, and asks Finn to go get the door. Finn complains but puts his book in an open drawer and goes to get the door.

The guy comes in as a whirlwind of anxiety and starts looking around the shelves, and Finn follows him and asks him what he's looking for and all that, but he just says he knows where it is, it'll only take a minute, stuff like that

Finn's like okay????

So he follows this guy around until he finds the book he's looking for, and then the guy whips around and runs SMACK into Finn and knocks him right over.

… like a rom com …

Anyway, the guy (poe, duh) apologises and helps Finn up, and Finn finally gets a good look at him and h o l y crap he is very pretty

After this small moment, the guy is back to being a whirlwind

He shouts something at Rey about borrowing a book and he owes her big time, and then he leaves.

Finn immediately goes back to the kitchen and asks Rey all about him

He learns his name is Poe, he's an English teacher at the local high school, and "Yes, Finn, he's single."

"I didn't ask that!"

"But you wanted to know."

Anyway, Poe comes into the shop a lot, and Finn spends WAY more time in the shop from then on.

After a while, Poe gives Finn a book that he recommends, and inside is his phone number

cuties :')

So they go on a really cute date <3

And they fall in love and live happily ever after

Other related info: Poe has a golden retriever named Bee (bb8 duh)

Rich Boy Au (no related works)

Poe's parents are rich, but not rich and snobby. They're self made rich people, and they got there with hard work and climbing up the ladder

So anyway, Poe has to go with them to these galas, but the other kids/young people at those galas are like horrible snobby rich kids, so he tends to dip out alot.

One night at a party in the early summer he dips out and goes to a park and stumbles upon this boy about his age

They strike up a conversation and for some reason it gets really deep right off the bat

They exchange snaps or phone numbers or something like that, and go their separate ways

Poe asks him out after a couple weeks of chatting, and Finn (the boy, duh) say yes

So Poe's like "I work until 3:30 so I'll pick you up around four and we can go back to my apartment and watch movies or something, sound good?"

And when he arrives at Finn's house

Oh wait, let me mention that Finn is a college freshman and Poe is probably a sophomore, maybe a junior, but he's going for a law degree so he's got like four more years ahead of him (they go to the same college)

So anyway, they go back to the apartment Poe is staying at (he's not staying at home. Long story short his parents are about an hour and a half away and he got an internship so he's staying with a friend for the summer)

They watch movies and have a Jolly Good Time

Finn doesn't learn that Poe's family is rich until he brings Finn home for Christmas

They pull up to Poe's parent's house and it's an actual fucking mansion, and Finn starts internally freaking out bc his parents are poor and he knows nothing about fancy stuff

But Poe's like "relax babe they're gonna love you"

And obviously they do love him, duh

That night they have a chat about what having money means, and Poe explains to him that his parents tried their hardest to never let anything come to him just because they were rich, and how he has always worked hard to earn the things he wants and stuff like that.

Basically this entire au was made because I wanted pretty boy Poe in nice clothes and a convertible car going and doing expensive things, but also being a genuine, down to earth guy.

Other related info: Poe's does convince his parents to fund one (1) expensive thing he wants to do, and that is to take Finn on a roadtrip to see the ocean. Oh, and he 100% surprises Finn with this. Like, he shows up at his door and is like "have your bags packed in an hour, I'm going to get the oil changed" and Finn's like "uuuummmm my job??" And poe just tells him to quit bc he knows Finn hates his job and he could easily find another one and Poe will take care of him until he finds a new job, but Finn is scared of his boss so Poe calls and quits for him :)

Someone else asked for the Ralbert Mailman Au, so I'm going to do that one in response to that ask, stay tuned!!

Taglist @kitmarloweki @shibasus @stormpilotsrus @wheeliebinbyers

#finnpoe #unnamed rich boy au #maine au #written by maggie #modern finnpoe #mags' finnpoe chronicles

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bytemycupcakes · 5 years

Note

Can you do some headcanons on what the Hazbin crew does together? For example what activities do they do, what do they do on Friday nights?

Okay this gets lo ng (maybe I did to much detail- oh well its worth it)

So it’s under a cut

-Alotta them clique-up pretty quickly, so a bunch of different stuff will be going on. Baxter will be trying to be his lonely ass self, Angel has wrangled Alastor and Husk to the couch for whatever the hell Angel thinks is fun (If Husk didn’t already run off to the peace and quiet that is Baxter), Mimzy, Niffty, and Crymini are usually doing some kinda “gossip” (Its just Niffty and Crymini listening to Mimzy babble). Sometimes the specific groups shuffle around- it all depends on who Angel and Mimzy call dibs on for the evening.

-Charlie lets this go on for awhile but eventually decides to force everyone to hang together.

-Her way of doing this is, once a week one person will pick an activity, and teach the whole Hotel about it.

–

-They start with Charlie’s activity first- the whole thing was her idea so it’s only fitting that she starts it.

-She chooses karaoke.

-Charlie, Vaggie, and Alastor are the only ones that really have fun, But Charlie makes everyone sing at least once.

-You would think Mimzy would love this, but she sees it as a cheap knock-off of a real performace. And is thus grumpy for the whole night.

- Charlie and Vaggie do some cute duets, Angel does a really sexual song (That Charlie stops him halfway through- the hotel is grateful), Husk just stands on the stage, when the songs over he grumbles “Awe fuck I lost” to pretend like he cares, Niffty chose a rap song for some reason, Alastor pulled her off stage after the first curse word (and she whined endlessly), Crymini refused to sing into the mic and was mumbling the whole time, Baxter couldn’t even stand on the stage, Mimzy’s entire turn is her complaining about it all, and Alastor went last, shutting everyone up cause nobody really expected him to have a good voice, or to take it seriously.

-Though Alastor’s fun really stemmed from everyone’s complaints (”And Husks colourful words about everything :D”)

-After that Charlie’s almost discouraged to continue this little trend but EVERYONE insists that they gotta go long enough to get their turn. They kinda just want to put the other members through the hell that was.

-That isn’t the best reason to continue… But it works-

–

-Vaggie’s next, she chooses campfire stories- The hotel gets a lobby camping trip.

-Angel and Niffty have a blast setting up a blanket fort big enough for everyone. Vaggie’s making notes on it as they work

-Alastor makes it topple at least twice- Vaggie soon kicks him out of the fort until it’s fully built, so he’s left hovering over everyone.

-Charlie and Baxter work on the “Campfire”. It’s just a pile of christmas lights- Charlie asked Baxter for help specifically, assuming he’s the least likely to cause a fire with a pile of old shitty lights.

-She was right

-Crymini teaches Husk and Mimzy how to make roasted marshmallows using a stove.

-Husk “almost catches his fur on fire” (The marshmallow caught and he thought it’d somehow spread to him), Mimzy and Crymini laugh while he panics.

-They get a whole plate of marshmallows, cooked to various degrees

-Alastor will only eat the ones that are pretty much pure char- Oh well, nobody else was going to eat them.

-Vaggie insists that campfire stories only feel right if everyones in pyjamas.

-Charlie sets one rule for this: They gotta be actual clothes (coughcoughAngelcoughcough)

-Vaggie’s actually really giddy about this, she goes off to find a good flashlight while everyone works on sitting around the “fire”.

-Its a bit of a struggle until Crymini starts tellin people exactly where to sit.

-Crymini is kinda like the second in command here, she loves camping.

-When Vaggie gets back, she plops right into Charlie’s lap and its adorable.

-She gives a basic rundown of how this is gonna work, they’re gonna pass the flashlight around to show who’s tellin the story. The story can be anything, they can make it up as they go, can be something from your living years, whatever, Vaggie doesn’t care. She says which way the flashlights gonna be passed, and thus the order. With how Crymini sat everyone, this puts Crymini being last.

-Vaggie doesn’t do an improv story for once, instead opting to one of Charlie’s favorites- Her own twisted telling of Alice in wonderland. (Yeah a twisted aiw is cliche but idc, its a great fairytale)

-It’s a great starting point, Of course with Vaggies storytelling, its really easy to get people hooked.

-Charlie’s story is what she hopes happens to the hotel members, everyone having such a happy life in heaven. She tears up toward the end and Vaggie plants a kiss on her cheek cause Gosh dang Charlie why you gotta be so cute.

-The other members also find it to be really adorable, and make various little comments- Alastor is silent.

-Husk is next, he tells a story from his childhood- first time he got a card trick to work. This is pretty much when the hotel learns he loves magic tricks- Of course Alastor and Niffty have heard this story a hundred times, and tease him a bit about it.

-Mimzys story is made up, its some woman getting turned on by everyone around her- The hotel has suspitions its based in something.. But they never ask her about it

-Angel has one of those “this is horror for me but not for anyone else” stories. it took like 2 seconds to tell, so Vaggie makes him try again. He starts going off about something sexual. Alastor covers Niffty’s ears, Crymini throws a marshmallow at him. He laughs, says he’s joking, then tells an actual eerie story.

-Baxter’s story has to much scientific tangents for the hotel to really understand what it was about. Bax is satisfied though, so they move on.

-Niffty tells the story of how she died, in far to much detail- but also with alot of weird hyper tangents. The hotel just stares, but Alastor’s clapping.

-Alastor takes the flashlight from Niffty, hums in thought, then passes it to Crymini, insisting he really needs to go last.

-Vaggie grumbles, but lets it happen.

-Crymini’s a bit grumpy, she wanted to pull the “really scary story is the last story” thing- She still tells her story of course, she succeds in spooking Charlie, Angel, and Niffty.

-Charlie asks why she’d do that. Vaggie starts to say thats just how campfire stories work- But baxter hops in, going off on why its not even possible- even with the wierdness around Hell. “C’mon Crymini, at least put some effort into scaring us”

-Alastor laughs, takes the flashlight from Crymini, brings out his dial eyes and goes “If you’d like a scary story, I can certainly provide”

-He defintely succeds in his little ploy, after his long story, everyone is mortified except for Husk- Who Al is pretty sure can’t be scared.

-Thanks Al, now nobody can sleep >:/

–

-Baxter is in charge next, allowing everyone in his lab for once. Of course he decided to show everyone a very basic experiment.

-Ha made sure nothing can explode, or burn through tables… The safest fucking thing he can think of.

-Angel somehow looses a patch of fur, Alastor still manages to explode the damn thing, Niffty broke five beakers before Baxter refused to give her another one. Husk drank his.

-Vaggie and Charlie were the only ones to get the reaction to work, so the hotel gathers around their table to watch it

-Baxter bans Alastor and Niffty from his lab- Everyone agrees its probably for the best.

-They do not listen to the ban

-The members do actually go hang in his lab more often, just to watch him do all the cool stuff

–

-Husk choses Poker. of course he does.

-He practically robs the entire Hotel

-Except Charlie wouldn’t let them gamble with actual money…

-She made pretzel dogs to gamble with.

-After he destroys everyone, he gives them tips in cheating….

-Via magic tricks

-Charlie is a bit weary about it- but it’s Husks turn to share his interests- She mumbles something about “please only do these with eachother- and not for money…”

-Niffty and Crymini snag a couple pretzel dogs from Husks fucking moutain of them

-Angel picks up on the tricks really easily, with all his fuckin arms.

-Alastor and Mimzy are terrible at all of them, Alastor being incredibly obvious about what he’s doing, and Mimzy ends up flinging cards everywhere each time.

-Crymini and Baxter can do the tricks, sure, but they figure out other meathods of cheating. Baxter quickly learning to count cards, and Crymini using her theft skills to hide cards.

-After everyone seems to get the tricks down, Husk has them play another game (without him, so they have a chance)

-Niffty wins, Vaggie was really close.

–

-Niffty teaches the Hotel how to sew

-Alastor and Husk use this as an excuse to sew Angels arms to his sides (They sew the sleeves, not his actual arms dw)

-Baxter keeps sewing his gloves to everything. He refuses to take them off.

-Mimzy freakin loves this, she has alotta clothes that have been torn up from old fights that she can finally fix

-Vaggie and Charlie keep pricking themselves. Niffty takes the needles away from them.

-Angel is yelling for everyone to free him.

-Crymini sews up a gag to shut him up

-Charlie sets him free.

-Angel can’t even get revenge- He’ll figure something out one day

–

-Angel decides to do a makover/dress-up kinda thing.

-He wen’t and got a ton of random clothes for everyone.

-Mimzy helps everyone with makeup

-Angel gets his revenge by forcing Al and Husk into the exact kinda clothes they despise

-Meaning Al is forced into something far to revealing for his liking.

-Nobody can pull his jacket away from him, he has an iron grip.

-And Husk is just forced into clothes, he doesn’t like them, they feel to weird on his fur. Angel put him in a semi-formal kinda outfit, he looks super cute

-Baxter gets out of this by just taking off his labcoat, he wears clothes under it of course. But nobodies ever seen him without the labcoat.

-Angel talks him into putting on a little bowtie though

-Niffty and Crymini look like fuckin princesses. Crymini started using a british accent- she kinda hit full roleplay mode with this.

-Charlie and Vaggie swapped their general styles, Charlie’s got a basic dress and Vaggie’s trying to get this vest to actually be fucking comfortable.

-Mimzy pulls Vaggie’s hair into a bun.

-Charlie.exe has stopped working

-Angel gets into his go to drag outfit, and gets everyone to do a runway thing

-Alastor refuses to get off the couch- Sadly Charlie is to broken from Vaggie to actually save this poor man.

–

-Charlie was really worried about Alastor’s turn- Cause.. Well it’s Alastor

-It’s okay he chooses Cooking

-Vaggie is hesitant about it all though

-Niffty and Husk already knew Alastor could cook, of course. But the others are a bit surprised

-Alastor makes a comment sayin he prefers raw meat, but cooking is quite relaxing.

-They all work together to make dinner pretty much. Everyones put in charge of something.

-Alastor watches over what everyones doing, makes little comments, and even reminds the others to check on the food.

-He’s making something completely different from everyone else and won’t say what he’s doing when the others ask

-Niffty and Husk are the obvious helpers here, Niffty making sure nobodies gonna hurt themselves, and Husk taking over things when someone almost (or does) burn something.

-It doesn’t turn out very well, but it’s edible and they all made it together. They’re all proud and eat anyway

-The oven dings while everyones eating and Alastor goes to check on it. Niffty follows after him to help

-While everyone’s casually talking, having a good time, he comes back with cupcakes

-Of course he did a dark twist- they look like he pulled them straight out of a highschool halloween party- covered in fake eyes, other small body parts, ect. But far more realistic.

-Vaggie hops up assuming they’re real parts

-Niffty giggles and says thank you, she made them all herself

-Husk grabs an “eye” off one of them, eating it. He says that Al wouldn’t just give people body parts out of nowhere. He has class.

-Vaggie is still suspicious of the cupcake. Everyone else eats them just fine.

-Al is a really good baker, Everyone keep’s sayin he should really bake more often

–

-Crymini gets the hotel to play baseball- Or at least as close as they can get to baseball

-Everyone’s having alot of fun actually- Baxter doesn’t like the running, but hes still having fun

-They decide to just have everyone take turns hitting/throwing the ball for the most part

-Alastor won’t use the bat, he just uses his mic. It lets out a ton of feedback each time. They beg him to use the bat, he wont.

-Angel has the best pitch

-Mimzy has the best swing

-Baxter and Niffty broke the most windows

-Speakign of windows: Charlie had to cut the activity short before they broke all the hotels windows-

-Charlie gets a softer ball later for them to keep playing, cause it was so much fun.

–

-Mimzy teaches the hotel to dance

-Alastor, Niffty and Charlie already know how- They just get to help teach

-Charlie’s helping Vaggie (obviously)

-Alastor is the only one tall enough to help Angel and Husk

-Mimzy tried to help them, she really did.

-Mimzy and Niffty help Crymini and Baxter, switching around a bit.

-Baxter would much rather Not™

-Mimzy won’t let him sit on the sidelines, every time he tries to sneak off she grabs him, pulling him into some random move

#Hazbin Hotel #Hazbin Charlie #Hazbin Vaggie #Hazbin Angel Dust #Hazbin Alastor #Hazbin Husk #Hazbin Niffty #Hazbin mimzy #Hazbin Baxter #Hazbin Crymini #Hazbin Hotel Headcanons #god this took forever

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dont-follow-me-im-scared · 5 years

Text

My worst goodbye

Per my therapist request im "journaling" breakup I guess. I mean its been a long time coming but this time it was real and needed to this might be long but here goes:

The force,

I dont even know where to start so I'll start from the begining. The night I met you, when I walked into that bar I had no intention of meeting my soul mate. Yes soul mate. I never believed in them until I met you. But after 9 long years ive learned sometimes we meet our soul mate and we dont get to keep them. I had quite a bit to drink, see you didnt know this but I was 19 I just looked old enough to be there and I had gotten divorced a few months before my world would be forever rocked and changed. The night carried on the christmas air was no match for the drink and the long sleeve I had on. I removed layers the more I drank and I stayed close to the bar. This tall man with the bluest eyes id ever seen was taking care of my drink needs but young me saw a mountain I wanted to climb. I was informed you were married when the regulars realized my attention wasnt going anywhere but you. I flashed the bar (dumb kid is probably what you thought) but everyone in there knew it was for you. Hell I said I wouldnt do it unless you were there. The night carried on, my friends were restless trying to protect whatever modesty they felt I had that night. I wanted to go to the after party I was told youd be attending. They refused and wanted to get me home. Closing time was coming. I wrote my number on a napkin and waited. You went back towards the bathrooms and I knew somehow in my awe struck drunken stuper that was my chance. I walked back caught you right at the end of the hall. Do you remember what I said? I can. The words and moment is forever burned into my brain. "I can keep a secret". Slipped my number into your front pocket smooth as fuck. Which isnt me. But you know that right? Because after that night you saw sides of me no one was ever allowed to see. You saw me grow as a person and into a woman. That was the begining of the end. That singular moment with rumple on my breathe as I stood on my tip toes to lean as close to your ear as I could when I spoke those words. I took in how you smelled. I had no idea soon that smell would be my favorite and put my spirit at ease.

I woke up the next morning with a text from an unknown number. Then the conversation started. You filled in the parts of the night that wasnt clear. You made me nervous. A sensation that would never die down. Tuesday. She'll be at work. Dinner and hang out at the house? Sure. I bet you thought you were getting lucky that night. Not as lucky as I was going to be I guess. Because see even though this is a goodbye, and one thats tearing me apart I was so lucky to feel this. Not everyone gets to experience this with anyone in their entire life. You had a young child. Maybe 3 months I think. Timing in the universe is shitty like that. We sat on the couch. Me almost shaking with nerves but trying to keep my calm because I refused to look a fool in front of you. Do you remember what we watched? Big bang theory. And from then on anytime I saw an episode (I never watched it myself) my thoughts would gravitate back to that couch with you. Do you know how hard thats going to be on me now because that shows everywhere. I guess thats not your problem though. We didnt have sex. I was too nervous and I mean I felt like I was going to puke you made me so nervous. But there was a warmth. This tiny spark of a fire that was felt by me at least. We made out alot. But everytime you reached for my belt my gut screamed "No! Not yet" and ive never been one to ignore my gut. I left. I parked my car a few houses down. The late December air felt so cold against my face because my cheeks were burning like id be in the gym. This couldnt be real. I texted you when I got to the end of the street. "Im sorry I couldn't have sex with you I was so nervous if you dont want to meet up again i get it." I expected you to blow me off. I mean you are older and a bartender. I knew in my head what you were use to with women. I had only been with two people my whole life but you. You reeked experience. Then my phone did something that felt magical in the moment. It lit up with that text. That text reassuring me you wanted to see me again. The text that made me float the whole way home.

The visits became more frequent. Sex with you was amazing. You engulfed my body in what seemed like worship. Not one inch of me ignored. Hands and mouth just exploring the new territory. I was more adventurous. I wanted to make you happy in every way possible. Theres a need inside me to make sure youre happy. There's this new feeling like in a woman and not just some highschooler whos date is trying to get lucky. Theres a chemistry unmatched and indescribable in all honesty. It happened on the couch. The 2nd time I saw you. You carried my straddling body to your room all that was on was my unbutton jeans and your jeans. Your arms lifted me with such ease I gasped. I remember. See how much I remember. Your bedroom smelt like soap and the sheets smelled clean. The only light in the room was the green from the clock by your bed. Then before I knew it your mouth was where no other mans had been. You gave me a new experience I had been deprived of before. Then you were inside of me when I felt like my body was going to stop. Laying there after wards, your hands playing with my spine while we had small conversations in between sighs I considered if this could be forever. I knew right then you were different. I knew we were different. I knew there was something in my way but never desired to remove it. Your kiss at the front door when I was leaving had a longing. Like you didnt want to send me away. It was dark. The neighbors didnt know but as bright as I felt like I was shinning I wondered if they were peering out of the windows to see the source. Was any of this real for you? I dont think I want the answer because it was so real for me. This all sounds crazy. You're married and I knew but here I was.

It got to where id barley make it through your unlocked door without you scoping me up like youd waited all week to get your hands on me. The text in between visits didnt seem like enough any more. So I started doing what any logical in love person would do. I started getting hotel rooms and going to the bar on the weekends. I had to see you more. Hear your voice. See you smile at me from across that bar knowing I was picturing having you under me on every surface there. It made it fun right? Like we had a huge secret right in front of everyone. Including your sister in law who bartended with you some nights. It was a rush right? Knowing I was going to be in that weed infused hotel room half drunk mostly stoned in the see through black robe you love(d) so much. Knowing there was nothing between me and you but this thin fabric. Do you think people could see it on our faces? Your friends became mine because I was at the bar so often but none of them knew. Our conversations grew and we became friends who just happen to explode with this chemistry. It was more than what it had been but that was the most itd ever be. Remember the Halloween you dressed at a 20s gangster. Remeber the red dress i rushed into the bar in on new years eve so I could kiss you by midnight. Do you remember taking me in your arms around my waist and kissing me in front of everyone? I'll never forget because that was a moment where I thought this is how it could be. I met you for lunches. I met you at quicktrips for a five minute visit. Boyfriends came and went but you never left. I kept you around. Remember the apartments down the street I moved into so I could be closer. You whistling while I was waiting at my open front door. That smile. You nuzzling me after on the balcony while i smoked. I hated you had to leave me every time. You lingered in my door hesitant to walk away. The good thing about me living so close is you got to spend more time with me.

I stated you were my soul mate. I mean it. I have forever missed my chance with the one person I truly believe was made for me. All because a year of timing. You told me so many times had it not been for your baby youd leave. I believed you. I love my husband and my daughter but no one will ever light the fire you did inside me and still do. Which is why I need to walk away. Youre a source of confusion in my life. I cant allow myself to question if my relationships right because I dont have the feeling I did with you. Does that make me bad? I dont think so. I love him and dont want to hurt him which is why I have to do this. Cutting an imprint with you is one of the hardest things ive had to do but hurting him would be harder. I'll never forget a million things about you. Memories with you. I honestly hope you'll never forget me. I wish I could tell my daughter about you one day and how she never needs to settle unless someone makes her feel like you made me feel.

Love always

Youre biggest fan.

#breakup #soul mates #sometimes it doesnt work

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trickkombowerskru · 6 years

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Being The Bowers Gang’s Little Brothers

Request: Anonymous: Hey :) could you write an headcannons about being the little brother of the bowers gang, eahc for one boy? Aorry if it’s not very understandle 😅 me and my shitty English 😅

A/N:I am so so sorry this took so damn long to post anon at first I was ffocusing on my Christmas even and then I took a birthday break, but I am back now and it is finally here so I hope you enjoy it. Also like I said in the ask I already made a post like this for Henry and for that reason he won’t be in these, but that post can be found here :)

Wanings:None

Patrick

I mean obviously you can’t be too much younger

You don’t wanna have a repeat of Avery

Then again if you are closer to Patrick in age, the Avery siuation won’t happen for a few more years

You’re two years younger than your brother

You don’t have the best relationship

He kind of just ignored you

And when he didn’t he was the typical asshat an older brother usually is to a little brother..well with a slight sadistic Patrick-like twist obviously

Dear God some of the pranks he played on your were so awful

Of course being the town psycho’s brother doesn’t exactly get you friends easy

Sure Patrick let’s you hang out with the gang from time to time

But even if you look up to your older brother, you can tell the guys feel like he’s babysitting whenever you’re around

Well that is until IT shows up and you just so happen to be there in the sewers with Patrick

See the guys just told you to follow him when looking for Ben -which you really didn’t wanna do since he was in your English class, and actually pretty nice, just kinda quiet if anything

But he did help you a few times when you needed it.

Thankully you didn’t see the carving because youwere kinda far, but when they went to search Patrick called out to you to get your ass over there

You’re both terrified at first running to get the fuck out

When it seems the bars won’t budge you think your fates are sealead

Until Patrick gets one of them loose, the creepy clown was inching further and further towards you,as Patrick tries to break more bars

It seems he is coming for your brother before you, teeth bared, about to bite his arm, when a wave a confidence flashes through you

You pick up the bar Patrick through down

“Stay the fuck away from my brother!”

You yell this as you bash the back of the clown’s head with the bar causing it to turn and look at you, you repeat the action and itruns the other way

“Holy Fuck,” Patrick breathes out

In a rare moment of having a kind of normal family reationship you hug him

He gets the bars loose and you two run like hell back to the guys

Somehow a bit later you run into the lsoers patching Ben up

And despite you being Patrick’s brother they patch you up as well, since you never really bothered them like he did

You join the group

Which of course paints a target on your back for the boys

Well a bit

Since you kinda saved his life Patrick decided you were actually real and you could co-rule with him

Which of course means your relationsip imporved a lot

So he gets the guys to lay off you when they go afte the Losers

Overall being Patick’s brother is a mindfuck that you’ll never be able to make sense of

No matter how much you try

Vic

You are 4 years younger than your brother

Your relationship is pretty normal

You don’t get to hang out with the guys often

But if they aren’t doing anything semi-illegal or dangerous Vic will let you hang out

So usually just when they’re chilling at your house talking

He’ll tease you from time to time

But hey that’s what brothers do

But he does does good things too

Like helping oyu out at scchool

Or giving you advice if you like someone

So he’s a pretty decent older brother

Belch

You are a lot younger than your brother

7 years younger to be exact

Your mother was shocked when she got pregnant again

And was honestly a little worried

Since she already had to work so much to support her and Reggie as is

But your brother stepped up when the time came that he could around last year

Got a job down at the shop to help with money

And he babysits you alot

You two have a really great relationship

Your big brother is kinda liike your hero

He does so much for you along with your mom

And you think he’s so tough and cool

Plus sometimes when he babysits you, he’ll drive you down to the ice cream shop for sundae

Encourages you in whatever you wanna do

100% drives you to and from school

And will scare any bullies away, simply with his height alone when they see him coming over to them before he can even say anything

Plays catch with you a lot

Looks out for you

Meaning 9/10 keeping you tf away from the guys

He doesn’t need them corrupting his 8 year old baby brother

Well Patrick at least

Sometimes he can get Vic and even Henry to play catch with you too or just throwing a football around

The guys tease the shit out of him for playing with action figures or anyhting else that isn’t catch with you though

Overall you adore your older brother and you two have the best realtionship out of any of the guys and their siblings

#it 2017 #the bowers gang #patrick hockstetter #patrick hockstetter imagine #owen teague #victor criss #victor criss imagine #logan thompson #belch huggins #belch huggins imagine #jake sim

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violetharmonclothes · 6 years

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Beginner's guide to collecting violet exacts

Alright, so the first thing is to need patience. Sometimes exacts will be listed as other things, so while looking up "violet Harmon" can get you tons of great exacts for sale it can also be shitty because they're being sold as exacts the seller will usually price it higher. Especially since exacts are now rare since murderhouse aired forever ago, these clothes are 7 years old or older, so it's hard to find. But I just recently started to actually collect (before I'd only do vi fashion, not actively look for the pieces she wore!) About this month, and I already have 7 exacts (all found under the non official name except for my rose cardigan) it takes time to dig. But I'll write down the sites, things to type, exacts that are always available or very easy to find and more!

Exacts that are easy to find:

-converse high tops (in any colour, but hers were brown)

-nana book (the manga book she was reading. Even though it's not clothes it is an exact!)

-free people trapèze slip (even though you might not find it in the exact colour, it's always on different sites!)

These are exacts that no matter what, will be easy to find, and can be found for cheap.

Sites to look on

-eBay

-depop

-poshmark

-marcari

I found most of mine on poshmark, but only people in the US can use it so I asked my lovely friend to pay her and she could order it and send it to me, so I'm waiting for 4 exacts from her at the moment. Poshmark will have TONS of violet exacts.

Things to look up on selling sites

I have never typed "violet harmon" and bought something listed. Sellers honestly take advantage on eBay. I talked to a seller, and she mentioned she was selling her exacts to pay for a medical bill and her items were still reasonably priced because they were rare. But other sellers selling their stuff for 300+ and prices in the high hundreds is insane, it's a piece of fabric. Violet exacts are gorgeous but please don't get scammed! If you want to find a violet exact, look up the name of the piece of clothing. Don't type "Zoe benson" or "violet Harmon" because you'll very rarely find something with a reasonable price tag. I bought vi's Christmas dress for 40 CAD under a random free people lace dress title, while another seller on eBay is selling it for I think 150 USD not including shipping under violet harmon's name. Look up the name of it or let's say you're looking for the Christmas dress you could type "free people red lace dress" or something similar. If you dig, I'm positive you'll find an exact! I was looking for the free people Terry lace cutaway and I typed "free people purple lace pullover" on ebay and while I didn't find it after a while, I did find the lost in the forest purple pullover after scrolling for about 5 minutes! If you dig, I promise you'll find something good. Most times, the seller doesn't know it's an exact and will tag it as what they see it as. So they'd see the tag and describe the item, not saying the official title. But you can also find alot of the exacts under their official name so try both methods.

Bargains

Don't be afraid to bargain with the seller! Ask for bundles, combined shipping, lower the price, lower the shipping cost, ect. I got 5$ off my macrame vest, 5$ off my white lift pullover, 3$ off my animal print tank and I think 5$ off my purple litf pullover. I saved almost 20$ from making offers! And if you find a violet exact from a seller that knows it's an exact (in the violet tags!) I'm sure you can make an offer and they'll accept. Most likely they've had the clothes for a while and won't mind taking 10-20$ off if you purchase it. You'll never know if you don't ask!

Prices

Please, for the love of the gods don't get anything over 100-150 except for the modcloth or an item that was originally more than that. Even then. These are used clothes, they're about 7-8 years old (except for the new rust cardigan and gap dress vi wore in "return to murderhouse"). Most of the lift pullovers are probably stretched out, the ecote boots worn out from use, ect. Clothes definitely don't last forever and ever though vi exacts can be in really good condition like most lift shirts and other pieces, it's still used! Keep looking for the best prices possible (as Vi said, she's sick of everyone and their designer bullshit), so try to find cheap exacts or alts, you can have alot more pieces and grow your collection that way!

Reviews

If you buy an exact, don't forget to leave a good review if it's good! Usually sellers were collectors at one point, and if they sell more of their pieces in the future they might contact you first since you left them a good review and were kind! Tbh I've never had this happen to me, but sellers always appreciate a good review if the item was as described and it helps them out to sell more things.

That's it so far, I hope this helps!

#murderhouse #violetharmon #violetharmonstyle #ahs #violetharmonclothes #violetharmonfashion #violet harmon #ahsmurderhouse #violet #violet harmon fashion #violetharmonexacts

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xz017 · 6 years

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oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???

got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker

the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.

her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like

basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that

girl be actin homeless---mood

so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like

‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’

n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao

‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’

i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao

anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!

cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke

i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that

but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me?????????????????????

um...no one

like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway

cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’

n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE

n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.

n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time

n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate

and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve

n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset

cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck

deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts

n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT

n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO

n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS

n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually

n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive

n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like

no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here

n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...

cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane

n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more

n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican

and she gave me a sideeye

but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right

im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?

im scared.

like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race

n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen

like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?

my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school

n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh

im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist

i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule

like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack

wat is the truth rip

the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.

my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow

n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.

which is ye know good for her rip.

i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities

like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like

binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye

n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm

mine is for science n validity

hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...

bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip

but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?

im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???

prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???

what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.

i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.

that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.

n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip

i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man

meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip

god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly

# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me

now im sad

im dead.

omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’

DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready

like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love

the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love

the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness

but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh

bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip

meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...

i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do

but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble.

bitter but like...humble

‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’

‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’

‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’

oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?

had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.

my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni

rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you

n she was like so no children then:(

n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro

but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?

anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...

sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji

rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh

At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that

then she was like ew nO

then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card

which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.

so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth

but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?

really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.

nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR

rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand

i miss the gays

i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well

add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand

n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--

n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’

n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’

n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip

Big sand honestly.

it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand

i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8

#personal tea #read more only #entry

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aescapisms · 7 years

Text

under the same sky (2)

pairing: sebastian stan x reader

warnings: author doesn’t know what she’s talking about half of the time

word count: 3,098

a/n: look isdfk what im talking about so just bear with me??? and this is my first fanfic that im putting out there so pls any constructive criticisms would be nice thank u.

m a s t e r l i s t

Sebastian was falling and he was falling fast.

Every single day that he spent with Y/N he can’t help but admire the way her voice sounds like in his ear or the way her eyes sparkle every time she talked about the things she’s passionate about. They had a routine, Y/N will always show up at his doorstep and he will always go to her house in order to tutor her in her academics. In return, every weekends she trains him how to defend himself which he is very thankful for. She never liked the idea of Sebastian punching someone else but she figured that she wouldn’t always be around to protect him so he had to learn how to protect himself.

The times they spend without working on academics or training how to fight are very precious for them. They would explore the town, swim in the lake, go to the local cinema to watch some boring ass movie that she somehow always sleeps at the middle of but it was perfect. It had been their routine for seven months now. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.

But then a rumour about her leaving spread like wildfire in their high school. But it was the first time he had heard about it. Maybe because he never really paid any attention to what other people say. Only what she said, she was the only one that mattered.

One unfortunate day that Y/N didn’t attend class everyone pestered Sebastian for answers. If she leaves people won’t have someone to protect them anymore. That’s the only reason other people cared. And he was mad. Frustrated. He didn’t talk to anyone that day. There was no way the Y/N would leave right? He wanted answers, and he was determined to get them. No matter how much it scared him.

He rode his bike straight to their house after their class. Her mother opened the door and greeted Sebastian, before he could ask where Y/N is he noticed the packed boxes in the living room. “Y-You guys are leaving?” Y/N’s mother looked at him sadly “Oh, Y/N didn’t tell you?” No. No. No. This can’t be happening. She won’t leave me. She won’t leave me. She won’t—-

“Hey Sebby. What are you doing here?” Y/N asked when she walked down the stairs. She wore his shirt and her hair was tied up in a bun. Like she always do. “Are you going to leave?” She stopped in her tracks. Oh no, that’s not a good sign.

“I’ll leave you two to talk.” Her mother said and kissed Y/N on the head before she left and went to the backyard to bathe the dogs.

“Sebby—“

“Please don’t leave me. You can stay with us. We’ll take care of you.” She walked up to him and held his hand. He was shaking. How could he be so pathetic. Asking her to choose him instead of her family. That’s just a shitty move. “Seb. Look at me.” But he didn’t look up. He doesn’t want to look at her face because if she leaves he’s going to start trying to memorize every inch of her face and he can’t do that. He might forget. He doesn’t want to forget. Not her. Oh God please not her.

She placed her hand on his tear stained cheek and made him look up at her. She was smiling. She was laughing. How could she laugh at a time like this. Is his love really that one sided? “Sebby, I’m not going anywhere.” He hasn't even confessed his feelings for her an now she’s leaving? “Wait. What? But the boxes—“ “Are my parents’ stuff. They’re gonna be leaving for a few months maybe a year. My mom will go with my dad and I’ll stay here with Shaun.” She’s staying?

“Are you sure?” She nodded. “Yeah, we already agreed to that when we moved back here. It would be the last school I transfer to. I’m in high school now and it’ll look ugly in my college application if I switched schools alot now wont it?”

“Yes.” he nodded, “Yes it would. Oh god I thought you’re going to leave me” He hugged her so tight she almost couldn’t breathe. “Why weren’t you at school though?” She groaned and told him that her dysmenorrhea is killing her. “Do you want chocolates and ice creams?” She nodded. “Alright, wait for me. I’ll go get you some. We can watch your favorite movies and I’ll heat up the water for a hot compress.”

“You’re the greatest, Sebby.”

“No, you are.”

You’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

“So acting is it for you huh?” she asked while they were on a lake for their camping trip of the month. He nodded. “Applied to an art school. You were the one who convinced me to do it, and you think I’m good at that so I’ll give it a try.” She laughed, Sebastian has changed so much from the first time she saw him. Back then he was this kid that needed protecting but right now he can pretty much handle himself. He had starred in different theatrical production after she had convinced him to do so since he had a gift for the arts and it would be a shame to let it go to waste. “I’m proud of you, Sebby.” She said and laid her head on his shoulder. “Well, as for me i’m planning to take psychology and criminology at the same time then head straight to military.” His heart sank. He didn’t want her to go to the military. It was his worst fear. It was a very dangerous world out there and he doesn’t want her to face it alone. “Can I really not change your mind about military? You can die there you know?” She smiled and took a deep breath, “Worried Sebby had always been my second favorite, but you know I’ve always wanted to be in the military. I don’t want to stay here and just sleep on my bed knowing full well that I haven’t been useful in our country. After my service, its the FBI for me either that or I’ll open a small coffee shop somewhere and settle down.” “Who’s the first favorite— You know I’ll always worry about you, Y/N. I l—“ But he stopped himself. “Will I still meet you?”

She looked at him and winked “That’s a secret.” he nudged her in the shoulder and they both laughed “And of course you will Sebby. I’ll always write to you. And I will visit you when I can. Alright?” “And I will visit you when I can. Promise me you’ll text. Alright?” “Sebby, we still have graduation and prom. My god. I almost forgot about prom. I heard that Bethany asked you out?” Sebby looked away and said“Yeah she did.”

Y/N took a sharp intake of breath as if she had trouble breathing, “What did you say?”

“I said yes.” And there was the pain in her chest. “Well how about you? I heard you’re going with Luke?” She laughed, hard. Almost as if she was faking it but if she was Sebby didn’t notice. He fails to notice the little things about her. “Yeah, Luke asked me out but I said no. I told him I had someone I wanted to ask but then I found out he was going with someone else. So I’m just gonna go solo.”

Sebastian felt as if he had just been stabbed. She was going to ask someone. “You don’t want to know who I’m going to ask?” he shook his head. “I know that there are somethings that you like to keep to yourself and I think that this is one of them” Idiot. She pulled her lips into a tight smile and just nodded along. “Do you want to have dinner? It’s the last camping trip in this place.”

“Hey,” he told her as he helped her stand up “You said it yourself. We still have graduation. We still have time.”

But there’s still the inevitable goodbye.

Almost all of the teacher chaperone were disappointed when they saw that Sebastian and Y/N didn’t go to prom together. Sebastian was wearing a blue tuxedo which made him look like a movie star. Bethany didn’t waste any time dancing to the party music that the DJ was playing, while Sebastian excused himself to try and look for Y/N.

“I’m already here.” she said over the phone “I just got here actually.”

“Where are you?”

“Are you wearing the blue tuxedo we chose?”

“Yes. I can’t see you.”

“Turn around dumdum.”

Before him was still the most beautiful thing that he ever laid his eyes on. She was wearing a blue dress that’s almost the same shade as his tuxedo. It was a long gown with lace for sleeves, hugging her body to show off her curves. She curled her hair that made her look like a mermaid. “You look amazing.” He managed to breathe out. She blushed at his words but managed to regain her composure “You look nice too. Did you like my dress?” He nodded and said “We’re wearing the same shade.”

She shook her head, “This is not the shade of your tuxedo. Its the shade of your eyes.” Then she flashed him a smile. The smile that gave him the first time they met. The smile he fell in love with. The smile he’s still falling for.

Before he could say something, the DJ finally played a slow song. Sebastian stepped back and bowed “May I have this dance?” She told him that he should be dancing with Bethany but he disagreed. “My first dance will be with my best girl.” She laughed “Huh, must be a wonderful person for you to save your first dance to.” And they both laughed as they danced both in sync to the music playing in the speakers. Yes you are.

A lot of pictures were taken on their graduation day. Both Y/N’s parents decided to come home and celebrate. Y/N’s face lit up like a Christmas tree when Dean decided to show up. He wasn’t supposed to go back home that week but he said that this was far more important than any war that’s been happening. Dean may be loyal to his country but he was loyal to his family first. Sebastian knew how much Dean meant to her, she talked about him whenever she can. I miss him, she says. But he knew better, she talked about him because she didn’t want to forget him.

“So right, I saw him behind the Gym getting beat up by these guys so I stepped in and that’s the start of our friendship.” she told everyone and laughed, they were having a small dinner at Y/N’s house the Stan household was with them, their families had been friends for so long that they trusted one another.

“So, what are your plans after this?” Dean asked Y/N. She stopped cutting her steak and looked at him, “Planning to take up psychology and criminology at the same time then afterwards probably serve in the military then its the FBI for me.” Everyone looked at her, was this news to them? She never told her family? “If you guys are planning to stop me, you know that you won’t be able to. I’ve made up my mind. Even Sebastian persuaded me to not push through and it didn’t work. We all know how persuasive he is.” Sebastian smiled, “ If that doesn’t work its a small coffee shop for her” Y/N laughed, “Aww, you remembered”

“So I’ve been meaning to ask” Dean decided to start, Oh no. Sebastian’s heart was beating so fast he feels as if he’s about to get a heart attack. “Are you guys together?” Both of them choked on their drinks. There it is. “No we’re not.” Sebastian answered and looked at Y/N “Just really good friends.” Y/N smiled and laughed. But didn’t speak another word after that. After dinner, Dean offered to take the Stans home in his car. Y/N hugged Sebastian before he left. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” She nodded and bid goodbye.

A few years down the road, their friendship still held strong. They moved in together since it would be cheaper and therefore more cost effective. Dean was against it at first but Y/N got him to agree, they grew up together and Sebastian knows that there are million ways that Y/N could kill him. Some nights they would stay up all night watching movies, eating pizza and just relaxing like they used to do. Sometimes they would built forts in the living room just to experience the camping trips they used to have when they were in their high school. But Y/N was in her last year of military training while Sebastian was starting to act in the big screen when the news came out. “I’m leaving for Afghanistan in two weeks.” They both dreaded the time that it would happen. They didn’t want to be apart from each other but they didn’t have any choice. But Sebastian still wanted to try to get her to stay. “But your training won’t be finished for at least two months. We still have two months.” Y/N sat down and looked at him. “I know but a representative picked me. Based on my grades and recommendation of my mentors they said that I would be the best choice.” “Y/N—. You’re a girl! They can’t ask you to lead a war. This is ridiculous. Are you going? Did you tell your family?” Sebastian was furious. Why would they choose her. Why would they want to take her away from him. “War has no gender, Sebby. And well I’m pretty sure my brother would tell them once he knew.” “Jesus christ. Y/N, this is too soon.” “Sebastian. Please, let me do this.” he looked away, tears running down his cheeks. “Sebby, look at me. I can’t do this without your support. Please.”

“How can I support your suicide mission, Y/N?” he shook his head.

Y/N moved closer to where he was sitting, reached out to touch his cheek, “Look at me, Seb.” She wiped his tear stricken face “Seb, I can handle my parents not supporting me, or my brother but not you. You’re the only one I’m holding on to right now. I can’t--”

“You’re breaking my heart, Y/N.”

“Seb. I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared to do this. But I can’t back out. I can’t. This is the only thing I’ve ever known in my whole life. I’ve trained my whole life for this. Its my choice then, and I’m still going to choose it now. ”

For the first time, she was crying. When she dropped her hand that was resting on his cheek he pulled her in and hugged her tight. He didn’t know how long they stayed that way. Minutes? Hours? But time didn’t matter that night. Only them.

They did everything that they could possibly do in that two weeks.

Sebastian surprised Y/N the morning after she broke the news of her deployment. He decided that he wanted to celebrate all of the holidays that they won’t get to spend together. Christmas. New Year. Thanksgiving. Halloween. Everything.

Then they decided to write a letter for each other so that they’d have something to read during those days. So that even though they’re miles apart they could still feel like they’re together.

But that night it was quiet. There were no celebrations. No pictures. Just the two of them inside the apartment. It was quiet. Too quiet.

“You’re leaving tomorrow.” he muttered when they were having dinner. Y/N ordered pizza and put on some 20’s chick-flick on the tv. “I can’t...I’m going to miss you. Terribly.”

“I’m going to miss you too.” Y/N assured him. Because she was going to miss him. He knew that, he was her friend of course she would. But the kind of miss that he was talking about wasn’t the way she would miss him. He won’t miss her like that. She means too much. He’s been torn between confessing his feelings for her or not. Because either way, she’ll always leave. And what’s worse is that she could not like him back. So he decided to not do it. Next time.

“What time are you going to leave?”

“I’m gonna leave at 5 am, I have to be at the airport by 8.” She took another bite of the pizza and laughed at what the character in the film said.

“Can I go with you? To the airport.”

“Please don’t.” she muttered. Sebastian looked at her, his eyes glassy from the tears threatening to escape. “I don’t..I don’t think I’ll be able to go if you’re there.”

He understood. He doesn’t think he can let her go if he went with her at the airport.

“I’m gonna throw these out. Go take a rest.” Sebastian told her when the movie finished. She nodded weakly and went to her room.

It’s funny how they weren’t able to hear each other’s cries in that little apartment.

Before Sebastian closed his door he heard Y/N’s open up. She was standing there in his t-shirt that was way too big for her and his boxers that somehow ended up in her laundry.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” her cheeks heated up when she asked the question. “Of course.” Sebastian answered without missing a beat.

That night, both of them just stared at the ceiling. Sebastian wondered if it was Y/N’s heartbeat that was beating so loudly. Or maybe that was his. When Y/N turned her back on Sebastian, she muttered the tiniest goodnight. Too soft for Sebastian to hear.

Sebastian on the other hand turned to look at her. Contemplating if it was too much to pull her close and hug her. If that would be okay.

But the moment Y/N choked out the words ‘I’m scared’ Sebastian enveloped his arms around her. As she cried on his chest, he held her tight. As if he didn’t want to let go. As if he could shield her from the horrors that she would be facing in Afghanistan.

part three

#under the same sky #fanfic #sebastian stan #sebastian x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan fanfic

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lady-strange-i-dont-want-youu · 3 years

Note

Oh nooo I'm so sorry to hear your job's been sucky too 😔 for us, we have this new girl now (she's been working maybe two months I think? and I've been working at this place longer than any of the other employees - over a year and a half) anyway she came in and started bossing us around and in the process became manager. She's beyond controlling, even over little things that aren't hurting anybody y'know. I used to enjoy my job somewhat but I cannot stand it now that she's around micromanaging everything. But I'll leave it at that, I don't mean to dump my problems on anyone lol! If you're Canadian then I suppose that makes me one of the noisy downstairs neighbors 😂American here ✋pacific time. I love those albums you picked!! That Ratt album is SO GOOD. I totally get being mistaken for grunge too - I was never really into grunge but I wore a lot of flannel and eyeliner back in high school and people always assumed from that I guess. My aesthetic now is really like, 70s and hippieish for lack of a better word 😂 I like flower crowns and heart shaped sunglasses, my hair is usually just down and natural and I don't wear much makeup (just eyeliner, I can't live without eyeliner). I like colorful clothes with loud patterns, lots of jewelry (I always say I'm Ringo Starr in disguise as a joke because I wear at least two rings on each hand, plus my mantra✌peace and love). Eventually I'm gonna buy myself some bell bottoms and platform shoes to complete my 70s look 😂 My favorite albums are always changing! But at this moment they would be: 1. Hypnotic Eye (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers) 2. The Traveling Wilburys Collection 3. Let It Roll - Songs of George Harrison 4. Rubber Soul (The Beatles) and 5. Full Moon Fever (Tom Petty) I have SO MANY favorites but those are pretty much the ones I have on repeat lately. For musicians I'd say Stevie Nicks will always be a favorite of mine, I just adore her. And Myles Kennedy is also a favorite of mine that I'm getting into again recently, have you heard of him? I love that you listed Sav, I used to have the biggest crush on him in high school 😂 my favorites were bass players so much of the time, like Nikki Sixx, Duff McKagan, and Jeff Pilson as well. I look up to Slash as a guitar player, I also love George Lynch and Chris DeGarmo as guitar players too. As far as my current interests go, Tom Petty has absolutely stolen my heart and George Harrison isn't far behind 😂 that's probably obvious by now. And Mike Campbell (of the Heartbreakers) is an AMAZING guitar player who I really think deserves more recognition than he gets. Now speaking of favorite musicians, if you were to take five of your favorites to put in a band together who would you pick? It doesn't even have to be realistic, it's just fun imagining it! -❄

Heya! I'm sorry I practically died but rose from the grave!😅 i've just been under alot of stress with christmas and work but i'm hoping by the new year i'll be out of that shithole (lol they prob wont give winter bonuses and they didnt throw a staff party :p) Literally that's horrible that she got promoted to being a shitty manager i hope she gets fired or you find a better job with people and enjoy it better than where you're at rn :( but pacific time lets goooo grunge 70's bestie😂🥳 people just assume everyone be grunge💀😂😭 but flower crowns are so cute! Even though i dont know you (yet) YOU ROCK THEM🤩 i feel you on eyeliner though i cant live without my gel and smoked out eye brush to smoke out the eyeliner but i used to wear wings but i think i'd mess them up since it's been like 5 months i havent done them😳 YES THE LOUD PATTERNS WITH COLOURFUL CLOTHES PLEASE TELL ME YOU SHOP AT URBAN OUTFITTERS AND THRIFT STORES🥺 you're now officially Ringo Starr to me now so I'll basically call you that sorry not sorry😂 i wear rings and a couple necklaces but i have have rings for both thumbs, pointer, middle, one on my ring finger but not the left one (symbolism im not married😂💀) la moda has AMAZING platform heels, shein has platforms and bell bottom quality is good for the price, i sadly never heard of Miles Kennedy but what are some albums to check out? (Imma leave it to you to recommend me!) Nikki Sixx and his bass omg i love (my mom might take me guitar shopping for christmas because she was hinting at me and im like👀🥺) but she might not and that's fine! Steve Clark is my adored guitar player may he rest in peace because him and slash are pure talent what are some Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers albums do you recommend? Like the top tier best ones you'd recommend to a beginner listener? Omg so definitely Tommy Lee for drums, Rick Savage for Bass, Joey Tempest lead singer, and Robbin Crosby as the guitarist LIKE THEY WOULD SOUND SO GOOD how about you?! Which musicians would you put together to form a band?!

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threenorth · 3 years

Text

Letter to the wind.

At least you know my thoughts and feelings but now I'm worried about the things that maybe I shouldn't but I don't know... There's many unknowns i guess my brain is a constant Donald rumsfeild equation of known knowns and unknowns.

I can't tell right now anything now directly with anything so i will honour my word even though you mean everything to me and for you i would do anything you ask of me it's hard to see if it comes from you or if someone else is speaking on your behalf and I hope someday soon you reach out but I've tried to do many things this year and ultimately only one mattered truly most to me to get right and now i didn't get right.

i tell my self don't belong in waiting but I told myself that was the price indeed and I accepted my fate, that I do not belong.

I hope in my words that you might see things that you may not have not known but or that's missing but the thing that is missing the most my friend.

That i planned to live my life with.

You tell me to get some life. You are speaking like Tony Stark but you ain't but to me in a toy store you are.

Captain America looks back at his compass and sees Peggy and wants to go back to her he's never once not thought about her but for awhile it was to painful and the day it stopped being painful i looked at my compass and forgot about Peggy and my heart sunk. One day to forget which direction to go and what choices to make next peggy, where peggy but peggy how peggy.

Time to gather my thoughts and time to searching where she might be.

Some say so as soon as I realised that i ran back i needed a little more time as she's the most important to me but now it's a one lane highway and i hope she's smart as i remember.

But I'm still just as stupid as before, I will tell you that I'm trying to get that life you speak of it it's nice but i wanted to bring someone along with me. Yes times change but for you I'd do anything. I've accepted my past but i guess i was trying to create a future again but all the words swirling in my head.

I have all the things i want but I forget my most important thing to me in this world.

A rough timeline.

Late june/August 2014 i accept my fate.

I was going to implode and i can't do anything about that.

January i try make plans but ultimately i had to figure out what i wanted to do and by the time with looking for a shitty job i miss the college semester that's yearly for the degree i wanted.

I Broke my collar bone and it reminded me of you and still does.

I work shitty jobs again being pushed around no time to deal with anything...i don't reach out because if i do I fear I'll be hurt and crushed because we talked once and you told me my fears again to my face.

So it was easier to drop off the world again...

March 2016 off to college no time for breaks amd even time to deal with mental issues push for all you have.

Some breaks we had work but the longer breaks i didn't want to message yet incase i had to do work and not have time for you a job ans a full time degree. Around late 2017 i ruined my immune system and my mental health went through the roof and i should of taken a year off they say but i said no and powered on.

By December 2018 i finally have sometime for myself and i thought id deal with my backlog of delaying to my mental health. I applied for a few jobs but they told me to see a psych.

Late 2019 i was diagnosed with a disability that broke me into tears my life but a sham everything i knew was a lie. I spent the whole year looking for a job in my feild getting nowhere. And gaming i thought about reaching out but i was a complete mess not knowing who i was or what i am.

In early 2020 i got a shitty retial job again and i almost reached out covid coming i had been treated like ahit again by my boss and all i could do is cry about no one understands my pains or my suffering to be Nerodiverse.

Mid 2020 i get a call were in a pandemic my life ruined my savings eaten until a ray of hope i can work as an essential worker. I work my ass off best i can until we're able to get s normality and then back to part time hours and gaming and i started to think about you again and did some online searching completely some how to painful to go looking on instagram i said it once I'll say it twice i feared you died but you hadn't. I told myself that to only use the number in an emergency if the time was appropriate.

Ultimately i got a call I'll be off to work for this new company by 2021.i had to find another job to fill my gap of hours some how lucky i got a full time Christmas position and did the math and it's just enough to start again.

In January 21 i moved to my new city.

I started working in February and by March/April finally got a groove what's happening and try get my life on track but April made me shutter.

i had an experience that hit me like a ton of bricks and i had to deal with the truma that was never addressed but ultimately still hangs over me never addressed but i hoped by June 24th i hoped i would of been there but the referral went nowhere and our mental health service is terrible everyone who's been through it has told me that much and for me Waiting by late July i finally get my date it's august i tell my Peggy I'm sorry you have to wait longer than I thought.

And now they switch days from the 20th to the 30th and i was like fuck no. But that's how it goes.

On the 20th i couldn't wait much longer i had to tell you that i wanted to marry you all the signs are there for me to see clear as day.

now my day is coming but ultimately i didn't want to miss our next special day in our calendar 30th of august. And now we'll i guess it's almost the 30th of august again...

And i lost you again. Oh peggy... Oh peggy. I'm not doing so well but for you i will fight my demons, i do okay but then apparently i hurt you i never mean to do so.

I hope you read everything and try understand my thoughts on the good parts but now. now I've met my fate a one way lane highway not able to communicate with you.

I'm days away, from hopefully starting something i wish i could of done first but bills to pay and part time jobs and people treating my like crap featuring a college degree and i wish i had stayed in contact but ultimately there was alot going on for me and i didn't want to make you second in my priorities because you always would come first to me.

I didn't want to miss the 30th but i guess in my calendar your always on my mind and i wanted to see that but at what cost. It cost me everything,

i miss you, i want you and need you. (see picture above)

But now never looking back..

Forever yours.

Steve.

Take me away my white feather show me my path home.

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niallssecret · 7 years

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•Deck The Halls•

A/N: Just Niall and Jasmine being cute during the holidays. This was going to end differently but then niall went and disrespected us today so....here ya go!

Niall was having a shitty day. He was tired, and felt like he was working far more than he should have been. He understood one that being a co-owner of a cafe would mean he'd need to be there, most of the time. But he also understood that he’d rather be at home on the couch, doing nothing. He was exhausted, and incessant holiday music that’d been on repeat in the shop the past week wasn’t helping. It was Gerry’s idea and Niall about socked him when he suggested it. ‘It’s the holidays Niall. It makes people happy!’. So he let him. He wasn’t happy about it but it’s not like he had much of a choice.

Gerry let him go home after lunch. He said he could handle everything on his own, and didn't need Niall there. Really he was tired of watching him brood his way through his shift. He took his time walking home though.

He wanted to get home but he needed time to clear his head too. He walked around in circles, up and down a the same couple of block a few time listening to some moody music. It was all very dramatic. He couldn’t figure out why he was so...anxious. He just was. The holidays was had never his favorite. And it seemed lately he was acutely aware of the constant reminders of what time of year it was everywhere he went.

With his last circle around the block he dug his key out of his pack ready to buzz his way up to place. He was more than ready to change into some sweats and lay himself on his couch with the warm comfort of a blanket and a beer or two. So when he he opened his door to see Jasmine he thought the rest of the day could only get better.

She’d had a key now for a little over a month. It wasn’t a huge gesture, she’d spent a ton of time over at his anyway due to a weird roommate situation. So the thought of giving her a spare key didn’t seem to serious to Niall. He was worried that maybe Jasmine would think they were moving too fast, but she was just as excited as he was at the prospect of always having her around.

He kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his jacket and backpack tossing them to the side near the junk table near the front door, and made his way over to her. He made it halfway through his small living room, before he tripped on a string of christmas lights. His place turned into Santa's workshop. And then he realized Jasmine wasn’t near the window just sipping tea. She was putting up more decorations.

She didn’t hear him come in, too focused on the work she was doing,trying to figure out how she should around the ornaments on the pint sized ttree she managed to get. It was when she heard huff in the living room she turned her attention away from the tree.

“Hi! How was your day?” She smile, cheerful and as adorable as ever. He didn’t have it in him to be the smallest bit annoyed. She meant well he knew she did.

“It was alright.” He lied. She didn’t notice, but it didn’t bother him that she didn’t notice.

“Good.” She turned her attention back to the true, biting her cheek trying to debating on whether enough one side of the tree was too dressed than the other. He came up to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder pressing a kiss to her hair. She turned for only a moment to give him a proper one on the lips before going back to her tree.

He took a look around and noticed a few christmas nick nacks here and there. A small christmas center piece arrangement in the living room. A magnet on the fridge. He knew Jasmine liked Christmas but he didn’t know she liked it this much.

“Aren’t these a bit much?” He question pointing at one of the Santa ornaments on the tree.

“I can take it down-”

“No no- it's fine.” He said, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

She finally put down the ornament she’d been fretting with down and turned to look at niall.

“Listen, I know how much you hate Christmas -”

“ I don’t hate christmas.” He huffs taking a step away from her. Call it childhood trauma. Or mommy issues. Or daddy issues. But the fact is that Niall has not been the biggest fan of christmas, for a very long time.

“Whatever. I know you have a complex about it and I - I still want you to have a nice one this year.” She was much too sweet to him sometimes, and he’d never understood why. He could be the most cynical person he’s ever known, but she still stuck around.

“Thank you.” He let out a sigh smiling down at her. He brought her face close to his for a kiss that was interrupted far too early by an oven beep.

“Jazzie?...What-”

“I made cookies.” She smirks up at him, placing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth.

She pranced into the kitchen,putting on an oven mitt he didn’t even know he had. She came back up with a tray full of sugar cookies. He followed her the small distance to his small kitchen and then notices the small station she’d set up on the kitchen, and the few other cookies already baked.

“Jesus christ.” He’s huffs, rubbing his face. He looks annoyed but he was so endeered.

“I thought I’d be fun for us to decorate some cookies. I know you think it’s silly but I use to do it all the time as a kid and I liked it so here.” She hands him a spoon and a tub of icing. She forces him down into one of the bar stools and hands him a plate with a snowman and a christmas tree shaped cookies.He takes the spoon from her without caution, unable to keep the smile. She’s so cute.

She places the fresh cookies on a cooling rack. She takes another spoon from the drawer and plate before taking her spot next to Niall. She goes for one of the cookies that is already half eaten placing a spoonful of blue icing, and finishing it off. She reaches for another one, putting a spoon full of icing on it, and taking a big bite. Niall is so endeared.

“I’m no cookie decorating expert but i'm pretty sure your supposed to eat them after they are decorated.” He’s chuckles.

“So?” The words are mumbled, behind her hand as she tries to finish her last big bite.

She reaches for another cookie this time actually decorating it, and Niall realizes he hadn’t even finished his first, too mesmerized by how adorable Jasmine looks concentrating so hard over fucking christmas cookies. She starts talking, and it's something about christmas presents but niall is preoccupied.

“What - Niall are you even listening to me?”

“I’m listening.” He smiles moving himself closer to her.

She goes on about her story. All he picks up is that the store ran out of nutmeg before she’s turned towards him again.”

“You’re not listening at all are you?” There’s only a little bit of irritation in her voice. Niall gives her small smile, and instead of an answer gives her a long sweet kiss instead.

“What was that for?”

“Nothing. I just like you alot. Your cute when you’re ranting.” He smiled down at her brushing his thumb over her bottom lip. He knew they weren’t ready for ‘I love you’s’, and Niall wasn’t even sure he had figured out what love felt like. But with Jasmine he felt like he was slowly figuring it out.

She narrowed her eyes a little, not too pleased that he wasn’t listening. But flattered by the compliment.

“Your cute too, I guess.” He gave her an affronted chuckle and one more peck.

“Thanks, appreciate that.”

He excused himself from the cookie decorating to go shance into some backet ballshorts and comfortable shirt and made his way to the couch. He looked to the side, looking at the small charlie brown looking christmas tree Jasmine had half decorated and smiled. After a few minutes of scrolling through his phone, he got board.

“Jazzie?” He called without looking behind him.

“Yes…”

“Come here” He called out. He heard her let out a huff before he finally saw her. She lifted her eyebrows, expecting him to say something.

“Come cuddle with me.” It was in that husky almost whisper tone, that Jasmine loves. It wasn’t fair. Still she pretended to think about it for a few seconds, hands on her hips.

“Okay.” He gave her a smug smile, and quickly got her as close to him as possible. He grabbed the remote and he let her choose the station. She’d settled on House Hunters which, Niall didn’t mind all that much. He enjoyed the show actually.

After a few moments Niall looked down at Jasmine, cuddled to his chest. It was seeing her muttering to herself about how wrong the house was for the couple, that he figured out what love feels like.

#niall fic #niall fluff #niall one shot #niall oneshot #ttwili extra #my writing #ttwili #MERY CHRISTMAS

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