#alnst oc: wren

[ivanttakethis]

End of Round 24 - Tov’s Log

Cirrus (61) vs. Himei (38) -> Cirrus Win

Follow up to Round 24 - Himei’s POV by @lookatmysillies.

————————————————————

Tov knew she was in a hospital before she even opened her eyes.

The strong smell of antiseptic.

The pinch of an IV needle in her arm.

The steady tone of the heart monitor beeping faster than normal, even with her barely conscious.

A thick fog filled Tov’s mind and muddled her thoughts.

She could feel someone’s presence at her side, a warm arm pressed against her leg.

Slowly, she forced her eyes open, squinting at the bright, white lights that greeted her.

Through her hazy vision, she could make out the familiar furnishings of a standard hospital room.

But when she looked down, it wasn’t Cassio resting at her bedside.

It was—

“Wren?”

Tov’s voice was weak and rough from lack of use; her throat dry from whatever sedative anchored her limbs to the bed.

But Wren still stirred at the rasp of her name, grey eyes fluttering open as she lifted her head from her folded arms.

“Oh, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” She asked around a yawn hidden behind her pink mask.

A flurry of questions crowded to the front of Tov’s mouth, writhing and desperate to be answered. She forced them back with a thick swallow and asked the first thing that came to mind.

“What are you doing here?” Her tone came out accusatory, but Wren didn’t seem to notice or care.

“I was leaving the hospital when some medics brought you in from the contestant dorms.” She said.

Tov frowned, “Brought me in? For what?”

“Well, uh,” Wren averted her eyes for a moment, before looking back at her.

The nervousness in her expression was clear, even with the mask covering half of her face. “Your heartbeat spiked too high and you passed out. A guard found you unconscious in your room.” She said. “The doctor said you suffered a minor cardiac event.”

The bottom of Tov’s stomach gave way.

“A heart attack?” She asked faintly.

“Something like that, yeah.” Wren’s voice sounded far away. “Cassio went to speak with them a few minutes ago.”

Tov closed her eyes and leaned back, letting the bed support her. As the fog in her head lifted, static rushed to take its place.

A heart attack?

I’m only 24. Aren’t I still too young for one of those?

Even with my condition, I’m still healthy. Well, as healthy as I can be…

“You’ve been under a lot of stress since the season started. It could’ve put more strain on your heart.” Wren said.

Tov didn’t respond.

She didn’t know what else to say.

Her head was still a mess.

Wren’s next question lanced right through her skull, “Do you remember what happened last night?”

Round 24.

A song that sounded too much like a goodbye.

Dark eyes gazing heavenward.

The echo of a single gunshot.

61 - 38

Tov could barely breathe.

“Himei’s gone…” She said, her voice broken into as many pieces as her heart.

Her eyes stung fiercely as she tried to hold back a sob.

The heavy weight of grief pressed down on her chest, threatening to cave in her rib cage and splinter the bones.

Tov’s whole body began to shake.

“Himei’s gone, and so is Tallis…” The tears came quicker, blurring her vision and shaking her already fragile voice, “And Azure and Moran and Stasya and Flor—” And Minori and Lark and Noora…

And on and on it went.

“They’re all gone and I can’t— I can’t—”

I can’t get them back.

I can never get any of them back.

And it’s so lonely without them here that it kills me.

She tried to dry her cheeks, but it was all in vain. The sobbing just got worse.

Somewhere inside of her, a dam had broken irreparably.

It was like reliving each and every death all at once.

All of the stars she’d named were gathered in her hands, burning through skin and muscle and nerve.

She couldn’t hold Himei’s too.

A hand reached out to rub her shoulder in comfort.

Wren…

Tov didn’t want to look at her.

She was afraid of the pity she’d find reflected back.

“I’m sorry about Himei, Tov.” Wren said quietly, “I know she meant a lot to you.”

A humorless laugh caught in her throat.

If that wasn’t an understatement.

Tov loved Himei.

She was in love with her.

She kissed her.

And now she was gone.

Dead.

It was just like Tallis all over again.

She’d kissed him too.

She told him she loved him too.

And he died on the same stage Himei did.

Tov had cursed them both.

She’d cursed everyone she believed in, really. Her blind faith had left a trail of bodies in its wake.

She was a black widow.

A harbinger of death.

Not a star, but a black hole, unraveling everything that got too close.

How am I supposed to keep going?

How do I stop this from hurting so much?

How am I supposed to look at the stars without apologizing for everything I’ve done?

Tov’s bones ached.

Deep in the marrow, the stardust she shared with Himei had been hollowed out.

Why do I feel like I’m dying?

“Tov…” Wren murmured.

“Stop. Please.” Tov sighed, resting her hand in her hands.

Wren’s hand dropped from her shoulder.

Silence filled the room, pressing into every nook and cranny.

Tov thought Wren was going to get up and leave.

She didn’t.

Instead, she leaned forward to rest her head on her folded arms again and waited.

Tov could feel her stare burning a hole in the side of her face, but she said nothing more.

Once the tear tracks began to dry and the sobs slowed to sniffles, Tov spoke again.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” She croaked.

Any fight left in her had drained away a long time ago.

All she wanted was for this nightmare to be over.

“So what, you’re just going to give up then?” Wren asked.

There was an edge in her voice that raised Tov’s hackles immediately.

It was pointed, almost mocking.

Her eyes snapped up to Wren’s with a start. The warmth that had been there when they first met was gone. A sharp, steely glint had taken its place.

The air around them seemed to chill.

“I beg your pardon?”

Wren’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly, “I asked if you were giving up.”

“…I don’t know.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“I said I don’t know!” Tov snapped.

“Would Himei have wanted you to give up?” Wren asked.

Something hot like rage flared to life under Tov’s nerve endings.

“Fuck you.”

“It’s a simple question.” Wren shrugged, far too even and composed for Tov’s liking. “And it’s one Alien Stage will force you to answer.”

She grit her teeth, “Leave Himei out of this.”

“But she’s at the heart of it, isn’t she?” Wren asked.

Tov huffed and looked away, unable to argue.

Wren took her lack of response as confirmation. “This competition is win or die, Tov. Do you want to die?”

“No.” That much she knew for sure.

“Then win.”

Tov rolled her eyes, “You make it sound so simple.”

“It won’t be hard for you.” Wren’s voice softened back into what Tov had grown used to hearing.

“You could win this whole thing if you wanted to.” She said. “But you have to want it.”

Tov looked back at Wren, “How?”

“Think of all the people you’ve lost. Who is going to remember them if you die?” Wren asked. “Not the audience. Not production. For most, not even their owners.”

Tov knew she was right.

To the aliens, humans were disposable. Interchangeable. Easily forgotten and quickly replaced.

History would only remember whoever won the season.

The rest were nothing more than a pound of flesh for sacrifice.

Wren looked Tov in the eye then; her gaze strong and steady. “Do it for them. Do it for all of the stars you named in their honor.” She said. “As long as you’re alive, you carry their memories with you and they live on too.”

A lump welled up in Tov’s throat. Her eyes burned anew, but she was all out of tears. “But I… I don’t know if I can be “the Star” anymore.”

“Then become something brighter.” She could tell Wren was smiling by the change in her voice.

“The Sun is a star too.”

————————————————————

This was by far the hardest log for me to write. Himei was Tov’s first friend ever.

Without her, Tov probably wouldn’t have opened up to and formed relationships with everyone else she came to care for.

Now Himei is gone and Tov has yet another person to grieve. It’s even harder this time because Himei is the reason why Tov started naming constellations in the first place.

She’s definitely at her lowest point right now. Hopefully Wren’s… unconventional methods helped a bit.

It did give me a chance to callback to the graduation message Tov wrote Azure ( @azureitri ) (aka the original curse victim).

Anyways, sorry this is so late! I wanted to take my time writing because Himei is so vital to understanding Tov. I really loved her as a character too 🥲

Rest in peace, Himei. Or go fight Daiki ( @daiki1k ) in hell, idk.

Congratulations @lookatmysillies, you have broken both my heart and Tov’s heart yet again.

[verdantlights]

TW for brief mention of SA, abuse, and panic attacks.

Bumblebees are out - Jack Stauber

♧ Clove ♧

Green is Clove

Blue is Aster - @apriciticreveries

Orange is Wren - @ivanttakethis

Purple is Cindy - @tsukacchako

Macbeth - @alien-til-i-stage

Sebastian - @sotogalmo

Clove's most recent owner, Ignis. Abandoned him at ANAKT at 15 years old. He was visually beaten and bruised, cuts and gashes visible through tattered clothing. He looked lifeless. The administrators who handled him were... a bit concerned, but couldn't do anything to help him yet. The only thing Ignis said before handing all ownership over to ANAKT was, "Keep her hair long and keep her piercings in. Don't let her take them out."

And so began Clove's recovery at ANAKT. The admins were thankfully kind towards Clove, and helped him recover as well as put him in physical therapy for wrongly-healed fractured ankles.

Clove was silent for a while, the light in his eyes was dark. Everyone was referring to him as a girl and he couldn't say anything about it. His voice wouldn't come out, he was too scared.

But little by little, he regained hope. He ended up in speech therapy too, which helped a lot. Soon enough he was giving rough bits and pieces about Ignis' treatment towards Clove as well as Clove's preferred identity. They acclimated decently, able to edit a few things on his chart for future admins to see. As for Ignis' treatment, they weren't surprised to hear the things he had done. A lot of human pet owners treating their pets like sex toys, punching bags, and/or slaves is nothing new.

From what they've gathered, Clove endured all three. He was forced to be a young girl and to do everything Ignis asked of him. It was torture. He had to endure it for roughly 2 years.

They learned how Clove's eye became defective. He had a nasty beating and was left with a gash through his right eye leaving it black, bruised, and swollen. It got infected and wasn't treated. He had a parasite eat its way through his eye and by the time he was finally taken to a doctor, he was already blind in his right eye. Thankfully it was removed before any further damage was done.

...

...Making friends at ANAKT was a nice change, too. He found a lot of people he liked and some he... didn't quite like. He can be found in a patch of grass weaving flower crowns for anyone who wants one, his shaking hands turning stems in and out, over and under. He repeats the motion until his hands start to cramp.

Sometimes he'll accidentally break a stem... somewhere in his mind he hears the snap of his ankles and the scream he let out after, but he's not there anymore. He picks another flower.

He found someone who's presence is very calming, someone named Aster. He finds it quite ironic that their name is also that of a flower. He likes to braid flowers into their hair and likes to sing and dance with them. They can't see very well, but Clove doesn't care. He likes to help them during the day, if they feel like Clove is crowding them, they never say anything. In fact, Aster seems to enjoy the help Clove provides.

♧

"I hope I can see you one day. Maybe when I get you out of Alien Stage."

"Alien Stage? What's that?"

"...You... oh no..."

"Aster...? What's Alien Stage...?"

They stay silent for a while, contemplating their next words carefully. Unfortunately,, there's not a good way to put it.

"Do you know what our singing practice is for? It's for Alien Stage. Once it's your time to participate... you'll be sent off to compete. If you lose a round by unpopular vote... they kill you on stage. It's all for the entertainment of the aliens. I'm not here to participate, only to train. But you... I need to get my owner to adopt you, so you can be free."

Clove's head was swimming. He felt dizzy. He was going to die? He would go up on stage and sing his heart out to an audience of aliens, only to be voted against and killed?

His breathing became quicker and heavier. His hands were shaking again. He felt lightheaded and everything was too bright. His vision was blurred,,, no those were tears. He quickly stood from the bench he was sitting on, forgetting his ankles were still faulty. Tripping backwards, he lands on his back, punching the air out of his lungs. He curls in on himself, deaf to Aster calling his name frantically.

HewasgoingtodiehewasgoingtodiehewasgoingtodiehewasgoingtodiehewasgoingtodieHEWASGOINGTOFUCKINGDIE.

♧

When he wakes, hes lying on his back, facing the too bright sky of ANAKT garden. His head was pounding, but he could see familiar face above him. He made out Aster, Cindy, and Wren circling him, he also swore he saw Macbeth and Seb in the back watching worridly.

"You okay, Clove?"

"Yeah, you seemed to hit the ground pretty hard, does anything hurt... too bad?"

Clove groans, sitting up slowly. He tries to hold his head up with his hands, but notices that one of them is being held by Aster. He feels his face heat up a little bit, but deflates when he remembers why he's on the ground in the first place.

"Alien Stage..."

Everyones face twists in disdainful knowing.

"Is that what got you to freak out? I thought you knew?"

"He didn't. I guess... he was never told."

"Is... Is there anything we can do to help you, Clove?"

"I just wanna sleep. My head hurts. Sorry for scaring all of you."

He stands on wobbly feet, Wren immediately standing to stablize him. He mumbles a 'thank you' as Wren helps him get back to his room.

He doesn't sleep very well, needless to say.

♧

[neverforgetyou]

"aw a hug! im so honored!"

wren by @ivanttakethis

[ivanttakethis]

Tov would go with Himei and Tallis (of course) and she’d wear a celestial themed dress (left).

Wren would tag along with the trio and also wear a celestial dress, but in a different style and color palette (right).

Sun and Moon imagery!! Yippee!!

- If Eddy is hanging with the group, Wren would be very interested in getting to know them. Especially if they’re wearing their face mask because Wren wears one too (same hat!)

- Tov would only get up to dance if Himei or Tallis ask her to. Otherwise, she’s content to people watch, listen to the music, and talk to whichever friends are nearby (ie: Moran, Dian, Nyx, etc.)

- Wren loves to dance so she’d hit the dance floor as soon as a song she loves comes on. She’d probably kick off her heels early in the evening.

- Tov criticizes the DJ’s music selection.

- Wren keeps annoying the DJ with song requests.

- Tov’s social battery drains quickly and she winds up leaning against either Himei or Tallis for support.

- Wren chats with any and everyone there, even if they’re in Tov’s class.

- Tov somehow ends up as the “table watcher”, guarding drinks, holding purses, phones, and at one point Dian’s wallet. She considers stealing the money he has, but Tallis takes the wallet before she can.

- Wren drags Tov over to the photo booth for pictures. Tov won’t admit it, but she enjoys the experience and even smiles at the camera.

can I start something. alnst oc anakt 39/40 prom. what would they wear. who would they go with. how would things play out.....

[season40]

Welcome to ALNST Season 40!

hello! i’m june, the admin of this account! my main blog is @junebluues. here’s some organizational tags i will be using on this blog:

#! round matchups -> for anything regarding the round brackets!

#round [number] -> this is going to be for easier searching, mostly

#! asks

#! reblog

#! announcements -> announcements can be made at any time! please send me an ask at any time if your oc will be escaping before their round so i can make a proper announcement at the time of your choosing. if there are any other things you’d like me to announce, you can send those over as well!

#! juneposting -> basically things related to me running this blog but not related to any of the rounds or announcements. think of this as me going ooc, in a way? i can't explain it til it happens 😭

(this is subject to change as the season goes on)

i'm not alone in running s40, by the way! i'm only running the blog. so far, zen ( @zerostyrant ) and plip ( @pwippy ) have both offered their help!

here is the masterdoc for all the characters (s39 to some of 41):

participating S40 ocs:

innamorati / @alien-til-i-stage

toki / @eventseraphim ( @zerostyrant )

clove / ^

yumi / @imperfectnothing ( @rockwgooglyeyes )

asuka / ^

dante / ^^

sebastian / @sotogalmo

eeta / ^

naz / @lookatmysillies ( @bluemoonscape )

yael / ^

monica / @nottoonedin

isla / ^

yvonne / @thorny-chaparral ( @aakaneeee )

eliana / ^

atlas / ^^

aamon / ^^^

zero / @myworld-collapsing ( @apriciticreveries )

asahi / ^

ciaran / @starry-skiez

yuna / ^

eri / ^^

casimir / ^^^

jiu / @severedscales

kioku / ^

numa / my oc!

xael / ^

sirius / ^^

brandon / @neverforgetyou ( @tsukacchako )

willow / ^

mentha / @rosedeleca

ambrosia / ^

mill / @waterydream ( @amuseables )

wren / @ivanttakethis

juliet / @yunoftheclouds

gaia / @subzeromoron

leto / @paradisedisconcert

can / ^

clementine / @chevalperd

maya / @cloverandstuff

ava / @tinypaperstar

if anyone needs me to update this list, please tell me!

other:

please try and send me round songs in advance! if not, i completely understand!

hello,, creators of the s40 announcers... would you like me to use them in announcements in the season? i'm rather confused of their roles in this all, please tell me what you'd like me to do with them.

if there is any lore you need me to know in advance, please don't be afraid to tell me!

don't be afraid to spam notifs on here. the season can get hectic, and i don't mind waking up to people freaking out over rounds

i will sometimes need breaks, please understand! i'll let everyone know when i'll be taking a leave. i think i'll still implement the 1 week breaks between rows. we will still be taking 1 day breaks in between rounds like season 39.

be patient with me! i might sometimes release rounds late. i'm sorry if that happens!

please send me your oc's icons, or any art you'd like to use as their round profile! it would be very helpful!

zen is doing the season bracket, not me! please thank zem for zeir hard work <3 more information on this is in this post!

please enjoy season 40! i'm going to try and see when this should start after s39, and i really want to give everyone enough time to get stuff done. thank you!

(this post may update in the future.)

[ivanttakethis]

End of Round 13 - Tov’s Log

Jae (64) vs. Vii (35) - Jae Win

————————————————————

Wren found Tov again that night.

Round 13 had just finished.

64 - 35

Jae won decisively.

Vii was dead.

The guards allowed both classes to mingle during free time in the hour prior to curfew.

Most people chose to stay inside. Tov and a few others ventured out into the fields.

At night, the simulated daytime of the Anakt Garden dome was switched off, allowing those inside to see the true night sky above.

The stars seemed further away somehow, but they were no less beautiful.

It was a perfect night for stargazing.

Tov stayed close to the main buildings, tucked away around back, out of view of anyone passing by.

She knew the spot from childhood. It was a good place if you wanted to be alone for a while.

“There you are!”

At least it was…

Wren sat down in the grass beside her, crossing her legs and mirroring Tov’s position.

“I figured I would find you out here.”

Wren’s tone raised her hackles.

Tov furrowed her brows, turning to look at her, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Wren shrugged, but kept her eyes on the sky, unbothered by the slight edge in Tov’s voice. Her white hair seemed to glow in the moonlight. Even her roots were white.

“You seem to like the stars, and they’re awfully pretty tonight.” She said.

Tov couldn’t argue with that, so she didn’t.

“They are pretty.” She nodded, looking back up at the constellations hanging overhead.

The two were quiet for a moment, before Wren spoke again.

“What was it like performing on stage?”

Tov tried to think back to Round 10, but her mind drew a blank. She couldn’t recall much of anything.

Only fragments of that night remained scattered around the void in her memories.

The stars.

The heartache.

The first line of her song.

The gunshot.

The smell of blood.

The way Nyx hugged her like she was something fragile.

Everything else was gone.

“I don’t remember much.” She said quietly. It almost sounded like a confession. “I wasn’t really thinking about the stage, or the crowd, or the cameras.”

“Then what were you thinking about?” Wren asked, “That emotion in your voice didn’t come out of thin air.”

Tov’s eyes found Tallis’s constellation instinctively.

Was she really about to spill her sorrows to a stranger?

Regardless of how friendly Wren behaved, they didn’t know each other.

But… who else did she have in her life to talk to?

Cassio? No.

Nyx? He had enough on his plate preparing for his upcoming round.

Himei? Tov didn’t know if she would ever talk to her about this; about what she and Tallis said and did.

She’d already been isolated once because of all this grief they found themselves neck deep in.

Tov wasn’t going to add to that, or make things worse. It would just make the situation more confusing.

She briefly closed her eyes and sighed, “Did you watch Round 7?”

Wren nodded in her periphery. “Of course. I watch every round.”

How can you stomach it all?

Tov didn’t ask that thought aloud.

“The contestant that lost…”

“Tallis?”

She almost winced at the sound of his name. The wound was still too raw.

“Yeah… him.” Tov swallowed around the growing lump in her throat. “He… he meant a lot to me.”

Andromedas, why is this so painful?

“He was a friend of yours?”

She shook her head immediately, “No.”

The word “friend” was far too reductive to encompass everything that Tallis meant to Tov.

But how else could she describe their relationship?

Even with her face placidly neutral, Wren still managed to sense Tov’s internal frustration.

“Ah, more than a friend.” She mused. “Did you love him?”

“I did— I do.” Tov amended. Nyx’s words came back to her then.

“Just because he's gone doesn't mean he doesn't still love you.”

Guess that meant she didn’t have to stop loving him either.

“When I was singing, I was thinking about him.”

“I see.”

This time, the ensuing silence bordered on comfortable. Tov’s chest felt a bit lighter too. Maybe talking about it isn’t so bad.

“You named a star after him.” Wren said it like a statement, not a question. It startled Tov.

“How did you—” Her eyes snapped to the odd grey gaze staring back at her, expectant but already knowing.

“You keep looking at the same spot in the sky.” Wren explained. “You kept looking up at the stars when you performed too.”

Tov felt strangely exposed, like Wren could see through her skin and straight into her soul.

It was different from the way Tallis looked at her, though. But she couldn’t put a finger on why.

“It’s a constellation.” She conceded, finally.

Wren smiled a little, almost giddy, “Ooh which is it? Wait, wait, wait— let me guess!” She scanned the stars intently and her brow furrowed in concentration.

It made her look much younger than she probably was.

How old is Wren anyway?

She pointed upwards with one eye closed for accuracy, “Is it that one there? The one shaped like a cresting wave?”

“No, that one’s for Azure.” Tov said.

“That guy from Round 1? With the sea green eyes?”

Something about Wren’s description of Azure made Tov huff out a chuckle.

“That’s him,” She nodded. “The song he performed was called Nouvelle Vague, ‘new wave’. I thought it was fitting to name a wave shaped constellation after him.”

“It fits him well.” Wren nodded, then pointed to another constellation nearby, “What about the one that looks kind of like a thought bubble?”

“That’s Moran’s.” Tov said.

“Ah, the redhead from Round 2!”

“Yes, she was a good friend of mine. A great friend, really. She taught me a lot about philosophy; always thinking.”

Tov took over from there, pointing out each constellation she’d named after those she cared for.

Stasya. Minori. Flor. Even Min.

Min protected Himei when she didn’t have to. She was the only reason her closest friend was still alive.

For that alone, Tov cared about Min too.

“That one,” She said finally, pointing to the cluster of constellations in the shape of a harp, “That one is for Tallis.”

“I believe in you.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

For once, Wren quieted first.

Tov felt her eyes on her, but she didn’t break the silence; content to simply look at stars.

It still hurt. But it was better than the numbness from before.

“You know…” Wren started, “You look at everyone else’s constellations the same way you look at Tallis’s.”

Really?

“Really.” Wren said.

She paused for a moment. Then two.

“If you ask me, it seems like you loved all of them.” Wren murmured.

At that moment, something in Tov’s heart clicked into place. A gentle warmth unfurled inside her rib cage.

Oh.

Oh.

Maybe… maybe I do…

The realization brought tears to Tov’s eyes. Her heart ached in a new, novel way.

Bittersweet. Melancholy.

It made her laugh for some reason. She hadn’t laughed in a long time.

As she stared up at the celestial memorials of everyone she’d lost, Tov found herself smiling ever so slightly.

What a terrible time to realize it was all love.

————————————————————

We love sisterly bonding, even if one of them doesn’t know it yet 😌

Plus a little feelings realization and healing, as a treat!

Tov has a lot of love for others, even if she doesn’t think she does. Only now is she beginning to realize how deeply her relationships have affected her as a person.

Tov’s current thoughts about Wren are like: “this girl is kinda weirdly friendly, and there’s something odd about her aura, but I would rather die than talk to anyone else in my life about my problems, so I will continue to trauma dump on her since she’s cool with it”

My girl probably needs a therapist, but we don’t have time for that lmao

Next up: End of Round 16!!

Jae belongs to @kofeedoggo.

Min and Vii belong to @starry-skiez.

Nyx belongs to @rockwgooglyeyes.

Tallis and Himei belong to @lookatmysillies.

Azure belongs to @azureitri.

Moran belongs to @geospiral.

Stasya belongs to @billwasnot.

Minori belongs to @minori-dash.

Flor belongs to @sotogalmo.

[ivanttakethis]

End of Round 25 - Tov’s Log

Sai (?) vs. Khoi (?) -> ??? Win

————————————————————

Wren invited herself back to the hospital when Tov was released, even going so far as to insist on pushing her in the wheelchair the hospital provided.

Tov was too tired to argue against it, letting her ramble about this and that with more energy than she thought a human could have.

It was… nice.

Listening to Wren took her mind off the darker things crowding her thoughts.

As they sat outside the hospital entrance waiting for Cassio to come collect Tov, Wren reached into the pocket of her jacket and pulled out a small, midnight blue box.

“Here, this is for you.” She said, nudging the box into Tov’s hands.

“Oh, uh, thanks?” Tov inspected the box from a distance. It was soft like leather and fit snug in her palm.

On the front was a small silver latch holding the top and bottom pieces together. It looked like a jewelry box.

She hoped it wasn’t earrings. Cassio hated permanent piercings, so Tov’s ears were never pierced like some of the other students in her class.

“Well?” Wren prompted.

She frowned, looking up from the box and over at her, “Well what?”

“Open it, silly!”

Tov did not appreciate being called silly, but she opened the box anyway.

Inside was a simple silver ring with an intertwined sun and crescent moon engraved on the surface.

She gently picked the ring up to examine it closer.

“A ring?” She asked. “What for?”

“It’s my good luck charm.” Wren said. “I don’t have any use for it right now since preliminaries haven’t started yet, so I thought, why not give it to you to see if it could help for Round 26?”

Tov rolled the ring around between her fingers as she thought, letting it catch the light of the sun.

She didn’t know if she even believed in good luck, or luck at all for that matter.

But I guess it couldn’t hurt.

She slipped the ring onto her right ring finger, and it fit perfectly.

Tov chanced a sideways glance at Wren, who was watching her reaction intently.

“How did you know my ring size?”

She smiled behind her mask, and it briefly occurred to Tov that she had never seen Wren without it.

“I didn’t! I just guessed that since our hands are about the same size, our ring sizes would be similar too. Looks like I got lucky there.” She hummed, clearly pleased.

I guess you did.

“Our hands are the same size?” Came out instead.

“Yeah! Here, look.” Wren grabbed one of Tov’s hands and held it up to hers, their palms pressed flat against each other.

Oh wow…

Her and Wren’s hands weren’t just similarly sized.

They were the same size.

Even down to the length of their fingers.

A strange feeling ran through Tov.

But it was gone before she had the chance to even acknowledge it was there to begin with.

It must’ve been the side effects of the sleep medication she’d been prescribed.

The doctor — a human, oddly enough — told Tov that her poor sleep contributed to her stress and worsened the strain on her heart.

She had taken one pill each night of her hospital stay and slept dreamlessly until morning.

The medicine would be out of her system by tomorrow.

With any luck, she could get one more night of peaceful, nightmare-free rest.

Cassio pulled up to the curb in front of them and Wren pushed the wheelchair closer to the car.

“You good to stand?” She asked as she opened the passenger side door.

“I think so.” Tov nodded and slowly stood up. The hard concrete felt odd under her feet, but she remained steady and lowered herself into the seat without issue.

Wren shut the door once she was strapped in and leaned into the open window, “I guess you’ll be taking it from here, Guardian Cassio?”

Cassio smiled, “Yes dear, I’ve got it. Thank you for all of your help.”

“Yeah, thanks Wren.” Tov said quietly. She tried to smile a little, even if she couldn’t really feel it.

“No problem! Happy to help my Anakt Garden senior.” Wren’s emphasis on the word ‘senior’ wasn’t necessary or appreciated.

Tov almost wanted to take her thank you back.

Almost.

From the creasing around her eyes, Wren must’ve been absolutely beaming behind her mask.

“Good luck on your next round.” She waved as she stepped back from the curb, “You can give me the charm back after you win the season.”

———

The nightmares came back that night.

Tov was up to her ankles in cold blood, surrounded by the bodies of her dead friends and classmates.

Their eyes were all open, glassy, staring unseeingly at something overhead.

Tov looked up just in time to watch a black hole tear open the sky and swallow all of the stars.

She woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and gasping for air. Her face was wet with tears, or sweat, or both.

Thump thump thump thump thump.

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears.

She clutched at her chest, squeezing her eyes shut, and forced herself to take deep breaths.

She had to get her heart rate under control.

“Breathe, Tov.” Her hushed voice quivered. A bead of sweat rolled down the nape of her neck. “Breathe.”

Tov? Tov!

Come on, Tov. Breathe with me.

Just follow my lead, okay?

In…

Tov breathed in.

…and out.

Tov breathed out.

In…

Tov breathed in.

…and out.

Tov breathed out.

In…

Tov breathed in.

…and out.

Tov breathed out.

See? It’s working! You’re doing great, keep going.

Keep going…

Tov didn’t know how long she stayed like that, breathing in time with the voice in her head.

It sounded like a child.

Slowly her heartbeat eased, settling back into its quick, but familiar rhythm.

She couldn’t remember who the voice belonged to. They’d all changed so much since then.

And now nearly everyone who it could’ve been was dead.

Tov pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes until she saw stars, “Fuck.”

She tossed aside her sheets, too hot and damp to be comfortable, and sat on the floor with her back against the mattress frame.

The chill of the air conditioning cooled her heated skin. The alarm clock on the nightstand read 03:19am.

Round 26 was less than 48 hours away.

She’d be on that stage again.

Now it was stained with Himei’s blood too.

“You can give me the charm back after you win the season.” Wren said.

How was she supposed to win the season like this?

And if she did win, what would happen after? What was there to go back to?

Cassio? Wren? Her secret benefactor?

They were hardly a replacement for everyone she lost. Everyone that kept her going.

Keep going…

“Shut up.” She muttered into the dark.

Silence was her only answer.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and closed her eyes.

Part of Tov wished there was still someone there with her.

Someone to sit next to her and help bear the weight of all this pain and grief.

But to ask that of anyone — to inflict this torture on anyone — would be horribly selfish.

Still, some small part of her wanted it; as sick as that might be.

Maybe Alien Stage made everyone a little sick in the head.

Daiki was sick.

Whoever poisoned Lark was sick too.

Every single one of them who wanted a classmate to lose and die so their friend could live was sick. Tov included.

What was a little more sickness then?

The tablet on the nightstand pinged, its screen glowing like a beacon in the night.

Tov reached up to grab it and settled back in her spot on the floor.

A red notification bubble flashed in the top left corner of the home screen, signaling a new message in her inbox.

Tov furrowed her brows.

Who’s messaging this late?

She tapped through to view her full conversation list and saw her guardian’s name at the top.

Her brows only furrowed more.

Cassio? What are you doing up?

She tapped the screen again to open the message.

///////

TOV,

I received this message in my inbox and have been instructed to forward it to you. The priority is URGENT, however the sender and source are unknown.

I have done my due diligence prior to sending this by checking for any viruses or malware that may be embedded in the message. Thankfully I came up empty handed.

If I had to guess, this message is likely from a fan of yours.

Please read it when you have time.

I will see you for your final dress fitting later today.

- CASSIO

————————————————————

OUTGOING MESSAGE

TO: Gdn. CASSIO

TO BE RELAYED TO: Pet Human & ALNST Contestant TOV at the request of SENDER

FROM: UNKNOWN??SOURCE

Attachment: pleaseRead.lix

————————————————————

\\\\\\\

Tov was… confused, to say the least.

Why would a digital document need to be marked urgent?

Why did the sender not identify themselves or what they wanted?

Why did they hide the source of the message in the first place?

Tov knew she was a novice when it came to having fans and getting messages from them, but nothing like this had ever happened before.

She hesitated only for a moment, before curiosity won out and she clicked on the file attached to the original message.

There were no words in the file, only music notes.

Sheet music?

Is this a song you want me to sing?

Tov scanned the screen for any sign of a title, but there was nothing.

Okay, so not a song to sing. Maybe it’s just one to listen to?

She hoped it wasn’t a piece they wanted her to play on an instrument.

If this really was from a fan, then they would know that she couldn’t play any instruments.

Tov read over the first eight notes, softly humming them to herself, trying to decipher their meaning.

This sounds kind of familiar.

A feeling of deja vu prickled at her skin as she hummed the notes for a third time.

I know this song. But from where?

She closed her eyes and sung the notes again.

The tune was nostalgic. It must’ve been from Anakt Garden.

But there were no words, so it couldn’t be a song they practiced in class.

Clearly this was for an instrument. A string instrument, if she was reading it correctly.

Tallis was the gifted one in the trio when it came to music composition, not her.

Wait—

Realization struck Tov like a bolt of lightning.

This song…

She knew this song because Tallis wrote it for her when they were kids.

It was “a token of their friendship” he’d said at the time.

Except, as far as she knew, Tallis never wrote it down anywhere. He insisted that he would remember it.

And he never shared it with anyone other than her.

Not even Himei.

But if he never wrote it down, and we’re the only ones who know the song—

Does that mean—

Tov’s heart skipped a beat.

“Tallis is alive.”

————————————————————

Tovallis stans wake up!!! (and it’s just me and @lookatmysillies gripping each other’s shoulders and yelling)

Also more Tov and Wren bonding! It’s a shame Tov didn’t follow that odd feeling she got when she noticed their hands were the same lol

The scores and winner of Round 25 are left blank because Tov wasn’t allowed to watch the round in the hospital. Cassio was worried that it would aggravate her heart issues.

Tallis and Himei belong to @lookatmysillies.

[ivanttakethis]

Tov would unfortunately be put through image making practice like Ivan.

She doesn’t smile much on her own, so she’d be forced into learning how to do it “on command”.

Wren would go through dance practice like Mizi.

She’s a good dancer, but a much stronger singer. I could see her being in these practices to bring her dancing skills up to a similar level as her singing.

Daily ALNST OC Question ! :

Regarding VIVINO’s release of things that will be sold at the 2nd Anniversary Pop - Up Store, and how each different character has a different kind of practice or test marked as what they’re doing,

Which practice do you think your character would do ? ( Your free to also come up with your own idea of another type of practice though ! )

——————————————————————————————————

EXAMPLE :

I was originally going to go with singing / vocal practice for Aurien, but I think I’ll actually settle on dance practice . Although Auri is good with singing, she’s definitely not the best with dancing .

I think in her own practice, she’d mainly just practice many fast paced choreographies ? Doing them again and again repeatedly until she’s “ perfect “ at them, and even then she just moves onto the next .

( Tags : @bluemoonscape, @starry-skiez, @solei-eclipse, @rockwgooglyeyes, and @4listr ! Though none of you have to do this ! )

[ivanttakethis]

Before Round 18 - Tov’s Log

Onyx (?) vs. Lang (?) -> ??? Win

————————————————————

Lark died on stage.

Tov was still holding his hand.

It hadn't been more than five minutes since they walked out together.

The giant holograph hanging overhead displayed their scores.

69 - 31

He would've died anyway.

That didn't make Tov feel any better.

A bullet to the head may have been a less painful death.

She thought about praying for Lark to have died peacefully, but she didn’t know if the stars were listening.

They hadn't answered her in a very long time. The silence had grown deafening.

Tov was tired.

Someone cut off the lights and music on stage.

The medics took Lark's body in one direction, and three guards took Tov in the other.

She let their gloved hands guide her away without a fight.

They sat her down on a bench backstage. The same bench she found Nyx on after Round 16.

And his second round was up next.

Another guard appeared at her side and draped a shiny, light blanket over her shoulders. A shock blanket.

They gently patted her arm, as if to comfort her, and left as quick as they came.

The chaos unfolding around her faded to background noise, muffled by something separating her from the rest of the world.

Tov kept her eyes cast downward, fixated on her glass heels.

There was a hairline fracture in the right one. It hadn't been there before the round.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there staring; mind hopelessly empty, cotton stuffed in her ears and mouth.

It could've been a few seconds, or a few hours. Time slipped by unnoticed.

Then, an unfamiliar feminine voice called her name. “Tov?”

Tov blinked out of her haze, looking up.

A lone guard stood before her, their hands tucked behind their back instead of resting on their holster or baton. The black visor of their helmet was pulled down over their face.

“I’ve been instructed to take you back to your room.” They said.

Tov nodded slowly and rose to her feet, still clutching the shock blanket. She followed after them in silence.

Neither she nor the guard spoke until they were inside the dormitory.

The halls were empty, completely devoid of any signs of life.

“Listen, Tov,” They said quietly, just a few doors down from her room.

“There was nothing more you could’ve done for Lark. He was already too far gone.”

Tov didn’t know if the guard was trying to make her feel better or simply stating the facts of the matter. She was too drained to think it through.

“I know.” She said anyway.

They stopped outside Tov’s room and the guard waited for her to open the door.

“Goodnight.” The guard said as they turned to leave.

She nodded. “Thanks.”

With the door shut and locked behind her, Tov collapsed on her bed.

She was still wearing her heels.

Usually she would take them off and leave them nice and neat next to the door, but she had nothing left to give.

Tov was so tired.

But she didn’t want to close her eyes.

She didn’t want to see Lark as he lay dying on the stage.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Congratulations—

The phone on her bedside table started ringing.

Cassio…

Tov sighed.

She didn’t want to talk.

But if she didn’t pick up, they would just keep calling until she did.

Tov rolled over on her side and pressed the speaker button, “I don’t feel up to talking, Cassio.”

“Good thing I’m not Cassio, then.”

Tov frowned at the voice on the other end of the line.

There’s no way.

“Wren?”

“The one and only.” She could hear the smile in Wren’s voice.

Tov’s eyebrows only furrowed further in confusion. “How did you get this number?”

“I have my ways.”

No further elaboration.

How cryptic.

“Isn’t it past curfew at Anakt?” She asked instead.

“Oh I’m not at Anakt right now, I’m in boot camp. ZYNE wanted to give me one more chance before prep starts for Season 40 of Alien Stage.”

Boot camp?

ZYNE?

Every answer Wren gave only created more questions. It was a good reminder that Tov knew nothing about her.

“I saw your round earlier.” She said. Her voice had lost its bubbly tone.

The sudden change in demeanor and topic made Tov’s head spin.

She sighed, rolling onto her back to stare up at the ceiling, “Yeah.”

Silence.

“What happened to that guy, Lark? Did he make it?”

Tears prickled behind Tov’s eyes. She could still feel the warmth of his hand as his grip gave way.

She had to force out a reply.

“No. No, he didn’t make it.” Her voice sounded off, even to her own ears. “He died on the stage.”

More silence.

“Sorry to hear that.”

Tov didn’t respond, even as the quiet grew oppressive.

She wished she could go back in time and call out Lark’s symptoms earlier.

Maybe if she’d said something before the round started, he would’ve had a better chance at surviving.

Maybe then he wouldn’t have died on display, surrounded by strangers and at most an acquaintance.

The thought weighed heavy on her chest.

“It’s not your fault, Tov.” Wren said, once again seeming to read her mind.

“I know.”

“Do you?”

Tov frowned, yawning, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That I know you’re blaming yourself.” She said. “I can hear it in the tone of your voice.”

Tov would’ve rolled her eyes if her eyelids weren’t so heavy.

Wren sighed, “Look, all I’m trying to say is there was nothing you could do. It was completely out of your control.”

Tov’s head knew that was likely the case, but her heart felt differently.

Losing someone she knew every round was taking its toll.

It got worse each time it happened.

She didn’t know how much more she could take.

“Hey,” Wren called.

“Yeah?”

“Just… hang in there. Okay?” There was something buried in Wren’s words. Tov had no idea what it could be.

She yawned again, finally letting her eyes drift closed. “I’ll try.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Wren said, a little touch of warmth tucked into her voice.

“Goodnight, Tov.”

“Goodnight, Wren.”

————————————————————

This whole log is just Tov going through it and other people trying to stop her from blaming herself for everything.

And then some light sisterly bonding to balance out the angst.

My headcanon is that the guard who took Tov back to her room was Leona, an acquaintance of Himei’s ( @lookatmysillies ) through her older brother Hayate.

At this point, no one knows Lark’s cause of death. The investigation notice goes out after Tov falls asleep.

Lark belongs to @kamersona.

[ivanttakethis]

Before Round 13 - Tov’s Log

Jae (?) vs. Vii (?) - ??? Win

————————————————————

An announcement came early in the morning:

All contestants of the remaining rounds will temporarily stay back at ANAKT Garden with SEASON 40’s class, and will be sent off before ROUND 13. They will all be collared and monitored individually.

Damage control for the mess of Round 12 the night before.

Guards came around to collect everyone shortly after that.

Cassio couldn’t get Tov out of this.

There were no exceptions.

She was forced into a collar for the first time in nearly 20 years.

It felt like a vice around her neck.

“Your collar isn’t green.” The guard installing the equipment said.

Tov looked up at them with dead eyes, “It’s never been green.”

What remained of Season 39 arrived at Anakt Garden late that night and were ordered to turn in immediately.

Tov couldn’t sleep.

Each time she started to doze off, she felt a different pair of bloody hands around her throat.

When Tov felt familiar callused palms pressing against her vocal chords, she gave up on sleeping entirely.

If she was awake, she couldn’t be suffocated by the past.

In the morning, Side B contestants were allowed time outside when Season 40’s class was inside for breakfast and first block classes.

Tov looked around for Nyx, but didn’t see him. Castor was missing too.

Being back in the fields of Anakt Garden was an odd experience.

Everything was the same as Tov remembered. The bright sun, the blue sky, the green grass.

The man-made river maintained its gentle flow. There were still random musical instruments like recorders and drum sticks lying around haphazardly.

It was as if they’d never left.

A perfect little bubble of her childhood, frozen in time, brimming with nostalgia and long forgotten memories.

Tov wanted to feel strange. Unwelcome.

She wanted an eerie, uncomfortable feeling to crawl up her spine and trigger her urge to flee.

Instead, she felt warm from the familiarity of it all.

In some ways that was worse.

The largest tree in the garden — Eden, they called it — loomed in the distance at the top of a gentle hill.

A beacon of light amid the dark, troubled waters of her thoughts.

Tov liked the tree because she could see the entire field from its vantage point. It was easy to watch over all of her classmates as they played with one another.

She spent a lot of time under the shade of Eden, reading, observing, or simply lazing around. Most of the time she was there with Himei, or Tallis, or both.

Stasya tagged along with Tallis once or twice, from what she could remember.

Moran would come by now and then to wax about philosophy while Tov listened, or peer over her should as she read books about the cosmos.

Flor came too, often asking to play with the silver clips in Tov’s braids. Tov couldn’t remember ever saying no.

When Solei came, Aurien came with her, and they would all nap together.

Sometimes Nyx would show up to play her a new song he learned on his bass. Other times he just came to pester her into a debate.

On the rare occasions Tov was alone, she would watch Azure down by the river as he stared up at the clouds.

It all seemed so long ago now.

Tov found herself walking towards the tree before her mind could catch up with her movements. Her body was relying solely on muscle memory.

She didn’t resist it.

She was tired.

So tired.

All she wanted to do was rest her head in someone’s lap and sleep.

When Tov reached the top, she looked up to take in the sight.

Eden was a tall, sturdy oak tree; a species native to Earth.

Her branches reached up to the top of the dome and stretched outward. Broad leaves, deep green in color, wove together to form a thick canopy over the top of the hill.

Sunlight filtered through the gaps and dappled the grass below, little twinkles of light dancing as the branches swayed.

Tov managed a weary smile.

Hello again, old friend.

Eden’s leaves rustled in the artificial breeze, as if to answer,

Welcome back.

She laid down on her back in the shade and closed her eyes.

If she listened closely, she could hear the clinking of a wind chime and a chorus of pitch perfect voices singing in the distance.

For a moment, she was a child again.

She wasn’t wearing a collar.

All of her classmates were still alive.

Alien Stage was just a nebulous concept for the future versions of them to worry about.

Tallis was still there next to her…

“Oh! Hi Tov.”

The illusion shattered.

Tov cracked open one eye, then the other, and sat up, blinking blearily.

Had she actually fallen asleep?

Standing over her was a young woman around her age with long, white braids and a pink mask covering her nose and mouth.

Someone from the Season 40 class, presumably.

Her complexion was about the same as Tov’s, just a bit lighter; except for the patch of pale skin on the left side of her face, stretching from her temple to just below her eye. It reminded Tov of Noora.

But there was something… off about her eyes. They were light grey — a stark contrast to her brown skin — but the oddness wasn’t the color.

There was something else Tov couldn’t put her finger on.

It left her feeling unsettled.

More than that, why was she greeting her like an old friend?

Tov never forgot a face. She was sure they’d never met before.

“Who are you?” The question came out more accusatory than Tov had intended, but the stranger seemed to find her terseness funny.

“Whoops, sorry!” She chuckled. Tov could tell she was smiling under her mask by the way her eyes creased at the corners. “I forgot, I know a lot about you, but you don’t know anything about me. I’m Wren. Wren Ra.”

Wren held her hand out and Tov cautiously shook it. Her palms were smooth, completely unblemished.

“Wren.” Tov repeated. “Got it.”

“It’s so nice to see you again. Your performance in Round 10 was breathtaking! I wish I could sing with as much emotion as you did.” Wren said. “Everyone here in the garden was so moved by your voice. It’s no wonder you have the highest score of the season!”

The highest score wasn’t worth all of the losses she endured.

Not even close.

“Thank you.” Tov said, unsure of how else to respond.

A high pitched bell rung in the distance, signaling the end of first block.

“Guess that’s my cue,” Wren said, turning to leave. “We’ll talk later, yeah?”

Tov’s eyebrows furrowed.

What more is there to talk about? We aren’t even supposed to be talking in the first place.

“Uh, sure?”

Wren smiled again, “Great! See you then!”

Tov watched her trek down the hill until she was out of sight. She laid back down on the grass, but couldn’t get comfortable this time.

Something Wren said bothered her.

“It’s so nice to see you again.”

Again?

Have we seen each other before?

————————————————————

Wren is here!! We cheered!!

I loved writing this log and getting to reflect on Tov’s memories of Anakt Garden and her friends. This might actually be my favorite one so far.

And I’m so glad @season39 gave me the perfect opportunity to have the sisters meet, even if Tov doesn’t know who Wren is yet.

Though Tov describes Wren differently than she appears her portrait. What’s up with that? 🤔

And how does Wren know so much about Tov?

I guess we’ll have to see!

Bonus: The “callused palms” Tov mentions when she feels like she’s being choked are Tallis’s.

He played the harp and harpists tend to get calluses on their hands from extensive practice.

Nyx belongs to @rockwgooglyeyes.

Castor, Himei, and Tallis belong to @lookatmysillies.

Stasya belongs to @billwasnot.

Moran belongs to @geospiral.

Flor belongs to @sotogalmo.

Solei belongs to @solei-eclipse.

Aurien belongs to @aurienneirua.

Azure belongs to @azureitri.

Noora belongs to @kamersona.

[ivanttakethis]

This is my new oc for Alien Stage Season 40! Her name is Wren (she/her) and she is Tov’s biological sister.

They were born in the same “litter”, so they’re technically twins, but not identical despite sharing some physical traits.

Despite her grumpy face in the portrait, Wren is friendly and enjoys meeting new people.

Her personality is similar to Mizi’s before Round 1, except Wren isn’t naive to the reality that Alien Stage is a bloodsport.

She’s pretty competitive, and if you push her, she’s not afraid to push back.

[ivanttakethis]

Tov’s would be a mix of sugary sweet and berries (blueberries and blackberries, specifically). Like a fruit compote.

Wren’s would be cotton candy or artificial cherry.

what flavor note is your oc? ex. coffee, caramel, fruity, cinnamon, citrus etc etc etc

heres a graph for some inspo

[ivanttakethis]

Post Row 4 - Tov’s Log

————————————————————

Once the lockdown lifted, an armored vehicle escorted Tov from the Alien Stage back to Cassio’s house.

When Tov finally got out of bed the next day, Wren was waiting for her in the living room.

“There’s the luckiest girl in the world!”

Her mask was white instead of its usual pink. It matched her hair.

Tov wondered if she ever took the damn thing off.

But more importantly:

“How the fuck did you get in here?”

“Someone’s awfully pissy today.” Wren snickered.

Tov leveled her with a look, “I almost died last night. Again.”

“Which is exactly why I came over. We need to strategize for the final round.”

“I already have a strategy.”

“Throw that one out,” Wren said waving her hand, “You won’t win with it.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said you won’t win with it.”

Tov narrowed her eyes, “How can you be so sure?”

“Because it won’t be like Round 10.”

Tov’s irritation shifted to confusion, “What does Round 10 have to do with the finals?”

“Sit down and I’ll explain.”

Part of Tov wanted to argue; refuse to yield to Wren’s brute force way of engaging her in conversation.

But another part — a fragile, trembling part — wanted to know what Wren had in mind.

She couldn’t risk another round ending so close. And it was clear now that her current strategy wasn’t working.

Lightning had already struck twice.

Tov feared fate would not be so kind to her a third time.

Reluctantly, she sat down on the couch across from Wren. “Okay,” she said, sighing. “I’m listening.”

Wren didn’t speak right away.

She was quiet. Thoughtful.

She tilted her head slightly to the side, as if trying to make sense of something hidden in Tov’s expression.

“You’re running from something.” She said, finally.

Tov blinked. “What?”

“I could hear it in your voice, in Round 26 and Round 29.” Wren said, as if that explained anything. “Since then I’ve been wondering what it could be, but I think I know now.”

She met Tov’s eyes then, knowing.

“You loved Himei.”

It’s a statement, not a question. And it seized her heart in a vice grip.

Before Tov could open her mouth to ask how she knew that, Wren cut her off.

“You didn’t have to tell me. It’s easy to see. You talked about her all the time in your interviews.” Wren’s tone changed to something more somber. “That, and you nearly died of a broken heart when she lost.”

Oh.

Right.

All of the air rushed out of Tov.

You were there. You saw how devastated I was.

I’m still devastated now.

“When you performed last round, you looked at the stars. But you didn’t look at her stars.”

Another statement.

She couldn’t even argue.

Wren was right.

When Tov sang to the stars of the people she’d lost, she found comfort in Moran’s thought bubble, and Flor’s bunny ears, and Lang’s starburst.

She didn’t look for Himei’s spider lily.

She couldn’t bring herself to.

Tov barely won the round as it was.

If she’d thought about anything related to Himei on that stage, she would’ve crumbled and lost.

Even thinking about her constellation now pinched something tender in her chest.

Wren’s tone softened, “You haven’t grieved her, have you?”

Have I?

Tov thought back to Round 24.

She didn’t remember anything between when Himei was shot and waking up in the hospital with Wren at her bedside telling her she had a heart attack.

After that, she’d spent several days recovering; heavily medicated and in and out of consciousness to let her heart rest.

Then came the message. The song. The beacon of hope.

Tallis.

She and Akane tied. A coin flip decided their fate. Akane took matters into her own hands.

Lang self destructed.

Another round too close for comfort. The lockdown. Jae’s rescue.

And now—

Tov hesitated.

Had she really grieved Himei?

So much had happened since her death, one thing after another.

Did Tov truly have the time to?

“No,” she said, her voice thick.

Stray tears ran down her cheeks.

Fuck, not again.

I don’t want to cry anymore.

She scrubbed the wetness away with the palm of her hand. “Not really, no.”

“When was the last time you looked at her stars?”

“The night before Round 24,” she said, sniffling.

After she kissed me like she was afraid.

After I told her I hated when she did that.

“Don't kiss me afraid. Just kiss me.”

I pleaded with the stars to protect her, but it didn’t work.

Tov couldn’t meet Wren’s eyes anymore.

She hated being torn open like this, over and over again.

Strapped to a cold slab and dissected for an emotional autopsy.

“You grieve people with the stars.” Wren said. “Naming constellations after them is sort of a release for you. But Himei and Tallis already had constellations named for them, so you didn’t have that release. You’re still bottling up all of your grief for Himei.”

Tov’s thoughts snagged on Wren’s words.

Grief for Himei.

Not grief for Himei and Tallis.

“How did I release my grief for Tallis?”

The corners of Wren’s eyes creased in a smile, clearly pleased that Tov picked up on her choice of words.

“You sang.” She said. “And that’s why you won Round 10.”

Tov frowned, “What do you mean?”

“The emotion in your voice in that round is why you won by such a large margin.” She said. “All of your performances since then have been great, but they’re missing the emotion that made Round 10 so special. You sang for Tallis then. Now, if you want to win, you need to sing for Himei.”

“I can’t—”

“Yes, you can.” Wren countered. “You’ve done it before.”

Tov let out a humorless laugh, “Yeah, well, it fucking hurt then too.”

“I’m not saying it won’t.” Wren said lightly. “But you need to embrace it. Use that hurt. Let it out in your song. That’s what people want to see from you.”

“They don’t get to have my grief.”

“Tov,” Wren’s tone turned serious, “You can’t run from this. Remember what I said in the hospital? It’s win or die. Let Himei help you win.”

“No—” Tov said quickly, sharply. Far more harsh than she wanted.

She took a deep breath and forced it out through her nose, ignoring the sting of her own words.

It's not her fault.

It's not anyone's fault.

That's the hardest part, right?

Tov pulled her knees up to her chest, “I told you. I can’t… I can’t do it.”

Wren sighed.

“If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for her.”

Tov didn’t respond.

The two sat in silence as the minutes ticked by.

Wren was the one to break the tension.

“Well, I’ll let you think about it. Don’t wait too long to make a decision.” She said, getting to her feet.

Tov kept her head down, rubbed too raw to say anything without snapping.

“The skies will be pretty clear tonight,” She heard Wren say from somewhere near the door. “It’s a perfect time for stargazing.”

———

Night fell.

Both too soon and not soon enough.

Cassio wasn’t home yet.

Tov had been alone with her thoughts for hours, staring unseeingly out the window as the sun sank below the horizon.

Wren’s parting words still played on a loop in her head.

“The skies will be pretty clear tonight. It’s a perfect time for stargazing.”

Tov knew what she was trying to say:

“Go look for Himei in the stars.”

Her gaze lingered on the balcony doors.

She knew what awaited her would be painful. More painful than anything she’d ever had to confront before.

But even if she didn’t want to admit it, Wren was right.

If Tov wanted to keep living, keep honoring the ones she lost and stay close to those she still had, she needed to win against Cirrus.

Ignoring the grief would not make it go away.

It wouldn’t bring Himei back either.

Her death was a wound Tov had been trying to stitch with her eyes closed.

That was never going to work.

She had to start from scratch.

Undo the mess she’d made thus far.

With her heart in her throat, Tov rose from the roots she’d grown on the couch.

She focused on putting one foot in front of the other, rather than the heartache that was yet to come.

With one hand on the door handle, she took a deep breath.

Cut it open.

Let it bleed.

Then you can heal.

Tov pushed the door open and let the cool evening air inside.

As she stepped out onto the balcony, a wave of deja vu washed over her.

She hadn’t been out here since Azure died in Round 1.

That felt like a lifetime ago now.

But the night sky looked just as it did then, cloudless and star filled.

Tov hadn’t dared to look for Himei’s constellation in Round 29.

But she didn’t fight it this time.

She let her gaze drift naturally, like a moth to a vibrant flame, until the stars came together to form spider lily petals.

Tov gripped the fabric of her shirt over her heart.

Her bones ached and her blood sung.

“Hi, Mei.” She whispered, finally letting the tears blurring her vision flow freely.

Himei had told her years ago to call her by that nickname, but Tov never did.

It didn’t feel right to her.

Until now.

With a bittersweet taste on her tongue, a small, unbidden smile graced her lips.

“It’s been a while, yeah?”

————————————————————

Wren’s bluntness has finally forced Tov to rip the bandaid off about Himei.

Tov hasn’t grieved Himei mostly because she hasn’t had time to. But she also knows that the process will be very painful.

Himei is an integral part of who Tov is as a person. She’s also the reason why Tov has come to know and love so many other people, like Tallis and Dian.

Acknowledging Himei’s death will change Tov irreparably. She knows this. Thats why she has tried to avoid doing it for so long.

And while it has been a huge motivator for her to keep going, finding out that Tallis is alive inadvertently helped Tov continue to “cover up” the fact that Himei is gone. Though she isn’t doing this consciously. It’s more of a coping mechanism.

But this change has affected her ability to perform. The audience feels her lacking something. If she wants to win against Cirrus in the finals, she can’t run from that something anymore.

Himei and Tallis belong to @lookatmysillies.

[ivanttakethis]

Before Round 27 - Tov’s Log

Jae (?) vs. Lang (?) -> ??? Win

————————————————————

Tov awoke the next morning to the phone ringing.

Nyx was gone, just as he said.

The only evidence of his presence left behind was rumpled sheets and a radio communicator so they could stay in contact.

They still had a lot to talk about.

All of the secrets Nyx spilled were still whirling around in her head.

“Vera is still alive.”

Good. Great. One less dead classmate.

“I never told you that I saw Aurien get taken away by Solei.”

They were even on that. Tov never told Nyx that she knew Solei was the one who rescued Aurien.

But that was before Round 7. Before she thought Tallis had died right in front of her eyes and lost her mind.

At least Tov returned the favor and spilled the secret about him too.

Now two people knew Tallis was out there somewhere.

Though what stuck in her mind the most, what left her with far more questions was—

“I never told you about my children.”

The thought of Nyx having just one child was enough to make Tov’s head spin. But he said children. Multiple.

He was so young. When the fuck did he have time to have multiple children?

Who were they? How long ago did he have them? Does he know their names? Are they still in contact? Where are they now? Please tell me they’re not in Anakt Garden—

The phone rang again.

Tov’s plot to tear that bastard Guardian Oryon’s wings off with her bare hands would have to wait for now.

She sat up in her bed and fumbled blindly for the answer button, hitting it with more force than necessary.

Wren started talking before she could greet her. “Hey! Where have you been? I’ve called you like three times already.”

“Late start.” She said around a yawn.

“Ah, so you haven’t read the news yet.”

Tov frowned, “What news?”

“Don’t worry about it. Just a bunch of gossip rags spewing bullshit about Round 26.” The distain in Wren’s voice was palpable. “‘Has the star of Season 39 fizzled out? Tov’s stellar fall from grace!’ Gag me.”

Ouch.

“That bad, huh?”

“It’s not bad, it’s tacky. They’re acting like you bombed on stage.” She said. “Akane was tough competition. Neither of you were going to win by a landslide. I don’t know why people are losing their fucking minds about it.”

Wren sounded pissed off enough for the both of them. Tov found herself smiling.

“Hey, I’m the one who almost died.”

“Yeah, but you didn't.” Wren said after a moment. “You beat death.”

“I just got lucky.”

“Then I guess that means my good luck charm worked.”

Oh, that’s right.

The new weight on Tov’s right ring finger came to the front of her mind.

She raised her hand up toward the window, letting the silver band catch the sunlight pouring in.

“Maybe...” Tov hummed softly, running her thumb over the sun and moon engraving.

“Something about your voice sounds different today,” Wren said. “You’re a lot more upbeat than I’d expect someone in your position to be.”

Is it really that obvious?

There was no way Tov was going to tell Wren anything about what happened last night.

She shook her head, “I think you're just hearing things.”

Wren laughs, “You're a terrible liar.”

“I'm a great liar.” Tov countered, affronted.

“Then l'm great at figuring out whether you're lying or not.”

“I don’t like the connotations of that.” She said flatly.

“You’re overthinking it.” Wren matched her tone.

Tov made a noncommittal noise, scrubbing the sleep from her eyes with her palms.

“I won't push you on where this new spark came from, as long as you put it to good use.”

“Put it to good use how?”

“For your next round!” She said. “You need a song that plays to your vocal strengths and uses that new spark you have. It should be something powerful, something that shows the audience that you’re still here and you’re still going to come out on top.”

“I still have to become the Sun.” Tov echoed.

“Exactly. It isn’t over yet.” Wren said. “You have a season to win, remember?”

————————————————————

This is a follow up to @imperfectnothing’s post of Tov and Nyx’s reunion after Round 26! Plus some sisterly bickering bonding!

Getting to see Nyx and being able to confirm that he’s okay has helped lift Tov’s spirits (even if she does want to put his owner in the dirt over what she’s learned).

She also has major survivor’s remorse over what happened with Akane, but Nyx and Wren’s encouragement makes her want to keep going. The power of siblings!!

While Nyx mentioned Solei to Tov, she still doesn’t know Solei is part bird 😅

[ivanttakethis]

Vant’s ALNST OC Symbolism

Inspired by @rockwgooglyeyes’s very cool post for his ocs!!

————————————————————

Tarot

Tov: STAR. Faith, hope, fortune

Wren: SUN. Joy, confidence, truth

Solar Symbols

Tov: Stars

Wren: Protostar

Animal Symbols

Tov: Black barn owl

Wren: Fox

Flower Symbolism

Tov: Iris (faith, wisdom, valor)

Wren: Gladiolus (integrity, strength, victory)

[ivanttakethis]

Both Tov and Wren understand the concept of death. They don’t believe in the Great Anakt either.