#all we deserve as humans is to live and love but our generation was given a world to save so..... gotta step up

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Sometimes we seek external validation in order to feel like we can still earn the love and approval we might have been denied in our childhood or past experience/s. We can do this in many different ways, developing different "abilities" in order to have our emotional needs met "at all costs": for example we become a perfectionist (we were praised only after overworking/reaching certain results); we start people pleasing (we were taught others cannot leave if we're what they search for and are always there for them no matter what); we learned to downplay our needs to avoid conflicts or problems of sort...

These (and others too) are all copying mechanisms we developed to fill the void/emotional neglect/absence of unconditional love we've been experiencing in our past. Living this way though can make us develop other problems in our self: eg. digestive problems, chronic stress, dissociation. But the thing is: no matter what we do or how much we change, an emotionally immature caregiver is blocked by their own self limitations and fixed views so they won't show up for us as we need.

And it's not our fault: they just weren't given the correct infos to handle their emotions and cannot see where they're going wrong (maybe also cause they were taught from another wounded generation that this is how you do things, no matter if they pain you or what), so please forgive yourself and free yourself from shame and guilt. It's not your fault if your caregivers couldn't show you that you don't have to gain love in any way cause you're already lovely and worthy as you are.

The moment you miss your parents' love in your childhood (a foundational moment of the life of any human being), you carry this void in your adulthood and it may even get enhanced, or make you search for the same type of relationship where you need to show up in a certain way to feel like you deserve love (and this keeps you stauck in the same place of pain and self hurt). You will always need to seek approval, to act in a certain way, fear being abandoned, wonder about your worth/being enough, and that's cause of your rooted habit born from the lack of emotional consistent support.

To get out of this cycle, try to understand why and how you had to develop this copying mechanism and why you keep it in your life these days (ofc ask for help to professional figures too if you need). You can get out of it and find the right emotional nourishment you need and deserve: let yourself try to see things from another perspective.

(source: insta + please check the description OR here)

[portraitoftheoddity]

Trigun: Stampede, Wolfwood, and Food

So, I think a major part of any worldbuilding should always involve food, and where it comes from. The worldbuilding around No Man's Land in Trigun: Stampede is a little tricky in this regard, since there's shown to be no real agriculture or plant life (Meryl's utter shock at the "flora" on Ship Three as a total foreign phenomenon suggests it's more rare than in the manga) so sustainable human-friendly food sources are rare and not really addressed. We see characters eating worms, and presumably there's whatever it is worms eat, and beyond that, it's suggested that pretty much all of humankind's nutrition comes from plants.

The desert dudes living off worm meat refer to "plant-based food" as an "extravagance" in the opening scene of episode 4 (aptly named "Hungry"). Meryl, by contrast, is grossed out by the idea of eating worm meat -- I think we can infer then, that Meryl, being a college-educated city girl, probably had regular access to Plant-generated food, while Outlanders are more dependent on alternative sources of nutrition.

Wolfwood, I think, falls closer to the latter category -- He's very used to eating worms, as we see in this episode, not even flinching at grabbing and devouring a whole worm, and even smoked dried worm legs as a kid in a later flashback, so supplementing his diet and other aspects of his life with worms is probably something he's used to doing for survival:

And I gotta say, the way Wolfwood antagonizes the others about eating worm-based food?

Yeah, it's a power play in some respects -- he's making a point to Vash about 'kill or be killed' to survive when he catches and throws a worm at him, and he's taunting Meryl to get a rise out of her with the roasted worm meat at the end of the episode.

But there's something very "Gross Big Brother" about it -- he's antagonizing them, but there's also some underlying level of care in it. He is showing Vash how Wolfwood thinks it's necessary to survive; he's bullying Meryl into eating the food that's available, because Wolfwood probably grew up with the understanding that you couldn't afford to turn your nose up at whatever food you got.

It's food, it's there, it's a valuable and scarce resource, and as much of an asshole as Stampede!Wolfwood is, he has those ingrained big brother instincts to look out for those around him. And food is an important part of that, because when you live with scarcity, food is life.

The whole bit with Zazie in disguise might be a charade (assuming Wolfwood already clocked Zazie from the get-go and it didn't take the worm devouring them for that card to be revealed) but it still pulls from Wolfwood's characterization in the '98 anime where he gives two of his last pieces of food to a couple of hungry-looking kids:

And the sentiment of "you still deserve to eat" as an expression of care is still real for him, especially given his smile when Vash repeats his words, finally eating some of the worm meat at the end of episode four:

Our worldbuilding implication is that food is scarce and rare in the Outlands, and Wolfwood is someone who knows how to survive by any means possible -- including eating whatever is available -- which is something he's nonetheless willing to share with others, because at his core he's a decent person who isn't as selfish as he may pretend to be.

And food is one hell of a love language.

[prairiedeath]

ON TRANSMISOGYNY AND GENDER COLONIALISM • 1/?

So many leftist spaces have long been gentrified and full of fake-ally cis people, whether it's chauvinistic, plain old misogynistic cis men, or crypto-terfs & trans-misogynistic cis women who may never publicly say "trans women aren't women" but will always treat us with less respect and trust than they would cis women, even many times like predatory men. More often than not, this micro-aggression goes completely unnoticed by cis allies, but the longer a trans woman is out, the more we notice it, the more we realize that in order for us to assimilate, we have to walk on eggshells and make more space for everyone else (despite being given the least space by anyone else) so that we aren't blacklisted and ostracized undeservingly.

Expanding on that, this phenomenon is pervasive in almost any space that claims to be feminist, whether that's explicitly a women's space (in which case the micro-aggressions from cis women are usually even worse), or any other kind of space. It's like a plague in DIY scenes, as an example. It's understandable why trans women want to assimilate and we should take no blame for that, all we usually want is to survive. We ask only for a ceasefire but we never get one. We want to love and to be loved by our communities the way any community should love one another. But our goal should have never been to assimilate. We should never have wanted to accept the bare minimum from cis society. We should all want the space for ourselves, as we all deserve, to live a long life, to have dreams, to want love, to want sex, to be angry, to make mistakes which we grow and learn from, cis people are given more space for all of these very human experiences than trans people and that is a definitive form of dehumanization. For trans women, and trans people in general, to assimilate into cis society, to demand nothing more than tolerance, is in the same vein as a cis woman being forced into submission by the patriarchy; weaponized promises. Transmisogynistic micro-aggressions, and the proceeding witch hunts against trans women, are the perpetuation of gendered violence, the violent enforcement of toxic gender roles, and even further, **𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑚**

cis women participating in this gendered violence is just another case of members of one marginalized group supporting the marginalization of another in order to alleviate their own misery- it's downright wicked. Cis women know what it's like to be the target of constant, ceaseless gendered violence, and yet many jump on the opportunity to dish it out against someone even more marginalized than them. This is why radfeminism is a toothless, watered down form of "feminism", this is why radfeminism is anything but radical. You will not solve the issue of gendered violence against women by dishing it out on people who are raped and murdered by men at a higher rate than anyone else in the world, even cis women.

trans and marxist feminism both demand that trans people, especially transfems, are given the same space to react with hostility to our oppressors as the left would give any other colonized group. And the sad fact is that even most left wing spaces in the west, even what should be spaces of our own, have failed to give trans women the room to react to gender colonizers or to even live our lives to the fullest. transphobia is so much more than bathroom bills and "don't say gay" (though those are absolutely battlegrounds for trans rights), it is also microaggressions, alienation, dehumanization and witch hunts.

These are all things I've had to learn on my own. Nobody ever warned me I would face these specific cryptic forms of discrimination and violence; because so many of us are stuck in a cycle of catering to cis society, while cis society gaslights us about it, that none of the trans women I knew back when I came out 7-8 years ago quite had the language to describe these experiences to me. Every day that passes the urge grows for me to find the words myself. I learn the hard way every day that trans liberation will never come from toothless cries for acceptance, it will only ever come when we turn the barrels of our guns to the gender colonizers.

[aurora-daily]

AURORA: "People Deserve Complicated Music"

AURORA's interview for Junkee by Ky Stewart (September 11th, 2024)

AURORA is a once-in-a-generation artist. Unrestrained by genre, her music always feels just outside our grasp. So, as might expect, our conversation was insightful, inquisitive, and filled with childlike wonder and joy.

I was scrolling through Tumblr the first time I heard an AURORA song. It was 2015, a year after she’d released her first album All My Demons Greeting Me as a Friend. The post was a clip from her music video for ‘Murder Song (5,4,3,2,1)’. It was dark and tender. I was captivated by how expressive she was. Just 18 years old, she already knew just the right spot to jab you and reach your soul.

So I jumped down the AURORA rabbit hole. I quickly fell in love with that album, discovering fan favourites like ‘Running With The Wolves’ and ‘Runaway’. She was truly a Tumblr darling and, as it turns out, had absolutely no idea that so many of us were posting her lyrics on random edgy backgrounds. “Oh my god, that's so sweet,” AURORA tells me. “I didn't know that. That's insane. I had no idea. That's really sweet, because I feel like the Tumblr community were always my kind of people. That's really nice. I'm gonna try to find some of those posts now.” (Unfortunately, most of Tumblr has been killed off but there’s still some dedicated AURORA fan pages kicking around on there. I hope she found them.)

A lot of us from Tumblr grew up with AURORA’s music. Her albums have been part of how I made sense of the world around me at various stages of my life. Her newest album What Happened To The Heart? is no different. At a time of incredible turbulence, I often find myself asking where our collective empathy has gone. Or if we ever had it in the first place. How can we watch other people suffering and do nothing about it? These questions are AURORA’s inspiration. “There's always quite a lot behind my albums and I think a lot about the world when I write,” AURORA says. “I try to think about what I feel is the purpose of my music, and what I feel the world deserves to hear. I felt it was time for a question, especially the question, what happened to the heart? I was thinking about it a lot, and I realised that I found this question to be very interesting and very important. I think I found the answer.” 

For AURORA, the answer lies in how society has been stripped of compassion. “I'm nervous about a lot of the problems in the world today [and] the general unfairness in how our resources are divided upon the people,” she says. “The general unfairness that some people are given a chance in this life and some people aren't, and how the world just lets that happen. We haven't figured out a way to lift each other up more because people like to be comfortable, which I understand. It's hard to give away our comfort. To try to lift up someone we haven't even met yet is a hard thing for humans to do.” 

She adds, “I think we can actually feel that something is a bit off with life on Earth. Because we are very disconnected and we have closed up on that spiritual side of being human. And it kind of worries me that I feel something is a bit hollow inside of us, and that's why I answer the question, what happened to the heart? Because something is a bit messed up with how we live now.”

What I’ve always appreciated about AURORA, beyond her ability to make ethereal music, is how politically vocal she is. AURORA’s music has always been rooted in people, in their stories, and in how they feel. She cares deeply about people’s pain and uses her music to fight back — or at the very least, help people feel heard. Recently, she dedicated her protest song ‘The Seed’ from her 2019 album A Different Kind Of Human (Step II) to “all the children of Palestine, Sudan, Congo, Yemen, and Syria”.

“There are so many people in the world now that listen more to people they look up to, rather than experts on the matters of the world,” AURORA says. “A lot of [these] people are idiots and they say so many strange things and lead people the wrong way, like Trump… It’s chaotic when famous people have opinions that people follow so blindly without taking the time to actually measure your words or find out where they come from. It really scares me. [But] if people look up to me, I'm going to do as much as I can to say things they deserve. I think music really helps me do that, because I don't have to be too blunt, I don't have to be too harsh, I don't have to speak about things in the world in the same way most people do. We like to gather people around a common enemy, or to divide people with fear and then rile them up. I think it's so cool to rile people up with something that is, in its roots, fuelled by love.”

In preparation for the interview, I watched AURORA’s old music videos — the ones she made before the world fell in love with her. The bio said “Aurora Aksnes is a 18-year-old girl from Bergen, Norway. She strives to write music that can inspire people, through idiosyncratic tales of struggle, love, and all that lies in between.” Ten years later and she’s still doing exactly that. To AURORA, music is a language we all speak so why wouldn’t you use it to try to help others? “I wanted [the album] to be a mirror,” she says. “To do a soft beginning, because the first song is very spiritual, and numb [where] you ignore the thing screaming inside of you to be seen. Then the album goes quite dark because we ignore our roots. It's in our nature to be caring and kind. We do so much for the people we love and it's so pure. So we know that we're capable of it. But when we ignore this nature, we grow bitter and sour and broken.”

What Happened To The Heart? is as enigmatic as AURORA is. The album opens with the delicate ‘Echo Of My Shadow’, then we slam into dance-pop songs like ‘Your Blood’ and ‘Do You Feel’ or the techno club offering ‘Starvation’. Songs to get your body moving and your heart pumping. But there’s also folk and soft-rock. No matter the genre, her voice pierces through you. This concoction of sounds makes perfect sense to AURORA. For her, the sound of a song is less important than its essence. “I don't really think much when I produce,” she says. “I just feel and I just do, because I don't really have any rules when I make the skin around the soul of my songs, as long as the soul of the song feels right, it can wear whatever clothes it wants. It will still be okay, which is a comforting thing, because it helps you to not be a perfectionist. That steals the joy of creating from yourself, which is easy to do in this world.”

AURORA’s eclectic sound makes sense when you consider her influences. “I grew up with a lot of Leonard Cohen, Joan Baez, and Bob Dylan,” she says. “Also grew up with Enya. She was my biggest inspiration when I started making music. I just realised the healing power of voices and how much I can do. ‘Runaway’, which is one of my biggest songs now, is just the voice. The whole song is just accompanied by my own voice, trying to become choirs around my leading vocals, so that's been a very important part of my production journey. I'm very into Cohen, his way of telling stories in music, which I've obviously been very inspired by, especially in the beginning with songs like ‘Little Boy In The Grass’ and ‘Murder Song’, which are very [big] storytelling songs. And Bob Dylan taught me that I could be political and say things about the world in a nice way or in a funny way or in a hard way, depending on what you want. So these people all taught me very important messages. [When] I grew up, I learned about heavy metal and the Chemical Brothers. I think my idea of a perfect song is a mix with the Chemical Brothers, weird sounds like Enya and a bit of metal and folk. That's kind of the essence of what I find beautiful.”

AURORA is deeply connected to the environment. She’s been a strong advocate for environmental rights in Norway and trying to help the global fight to stop the ever increasing impacts of climate change. All of this is evident when I ask if she’s excited to return to Australia for an upcoming tour. “Oh, honestly, I'm so excited,” she says. “I think Australia is one of my favourite places to tour. It's so beautiful. It has the adventurous, grandness, and largeness that I feel when I'm in America, but you're not like America at all. So it's large and adventurous, which is exciting when you're from Norway. But it's still so friendly, and I'm so in tune with a lot of the politics. I'm not so familiar with the current situation, but I like what you did with the gun laws and to prevent massive shootings. And the Indigenous peoples, I feel a lot of admiration for, and there’s a certain charge in the land in Australia that I cannot explain. It feels very spiritual there, and the nature feels like home. I know it's so different from home, that I feel so curious and excited, but it's still so like home that I feel safe and I understand what's going on. I don't know, I love Australia. I love being there. [The] people are so pretty as well. And the bugs. I love bugs. You have all the scary ones there, and it's so fun. I really am excited to be back. I hate that it's only like every second year. I wish I could come every year.”

It’s such a joy to experience an artist like AURORA. Her music is charged with so much life and energy. You find something new every time you listen to her songs. Something she’s tucked away in the corner for you to find. She makes music that forces you to stop and think about what’s being offered to you. And that’s exactly how she wants it. 

“I like making complicated albums because I have listeners who deserve complicated music,” AURORA says. “We're being served a lot of uncomplicated stuff, which can also be good, but if that's the only thing we get, I don't think it's good for our brains. People are very clever, and I think it's important to not underestimate them.” 

[kathaniii]

।। Aloukik।।

~ A folklore event ~

To all who are interested,

I'm hosting an event focusing on Indian folktales, fairytales, mythos and legend.

Aloukik is a month long event dedicated to highlighting stories from different cultures of India. There will be 10 prompts. It will run from 25th June to 24th July, with 3 days dedicated to each prompt.

Folklore has been an integral part of many cultures worldwide and India is no different. In our kaleidoscopic country, there exists a myriad of stories in different cultures, passed down from generation to generation. Storytelling has always been a fundamental part of human existence, stories become living, breathing things, transcending time and space as long there's someone to tell them.

So I'm inviting you to share your stories and your culture, folklore from any region, any state, any religion, any culture is welcome.

•To participate, you can post your writings, art, GIFs, Edits, Moodboards, anything you want.

•New content is appreciated but old content is also welcome.

•You can participate as much or as little as you'd like. You can post multiple entries for a given prompt or none at all.

•Late submissions are also welcome.

•Hateful content is not allowed. I have the right to ignore any content I see as hateful, but I will excercise this carefully. Furthermore, I will block you if it becomes a repeated offence throughout the event.

Be respectful of each other's cultures and religions.

To submit your entry, please follow the format given below:

@kathaniii | Aloukik 2023 | Day X

Please also use the event hashtag #Aloukik 2023.

The prompts are:

Day 1: (25th-27th June) Stories from your culture

Focus on and highlight stories from your state, religion or culture.

Day 2: (28th-30th June) Horror

Horror is a recurring theme in folklore. Horror stories are often the cornerstone of folktales. Highlight your favourite bhootnis, spirits, demons, and witches alike.

Day 3: (1st-3rd July) Women in Folklore

From witches to fairies, women have always played an integral role in many folktales and fairytales. Celebrate the inspiring women in folklore, their stories and their role in folk culture.

Day 4: (4th-6th July) Your Favourite Fairytales

Fairytales are, for most people, an important part of their childhood. Post about your favourite Princes and princesses, fairies and demons, kingdoms and magic.

Day 5: (7th-9th July) Unsung Stories

Post about folktales that you think are underrated and unsung. Tales that not many people know about, tales that you think deserve more love.

Day 6: (10th-12th July) Heroes and Heroines

Post about your favourite heroic characters, your favourite heroes and heroines, your favourite knights in shining armour.

Day 7: (13th-15th July) Villains

We all love a good villain and folktales have given us many iconic villains and antagonists. Post about your favourite evil queens, evil kings, dark witches and demon kings.

Day 8: (16th-18th July) Your favourite characters

Post about your favourite characters from fairytales and folktales. Tell us about any characters you fell in love with, hero or villain.

Day 9: (19th-21st July) Childhood stories

We all grew up hearing fairytales and folktales from our parents or grandparents. Tell us about your favourite childhood stories, stories you grew up with, stories you cherish.

Day 10: (22nd-24th July) Creator's Choice

This day is a free-for-all. Post about anything you want, any stories, any characters, anything your heart desires.

Feel free send any questions about the event to the event's blog @kathaniii. Thank you.

[starlightshadowsworld]

So in comics there's definitely been and are characters that everyone just agrees that they have to die.

And stay dead.

Think of Thomas and Martha Wayne, Uncle Ben etc.

Now these have changed from what they were initially

After Death in the Family, Jason Todd was supposed to stay dead.

And he did, for 17 years before coming back as the Red Hood.

Like there was a fake out in Batman: Hush that it was Jason and it was wild.

Bucky Barnes, also meant to stay dead and did so for 37 years.

... 37?!

Before becoming the Winter Soilder.

And these aren't in universe years, this is real world time.

Now it's hard to imagine them not wandering about.

So I'm trying to think what 3 characters I think should stay dead.

At least for the forcible future.

And who's dead that should be bought back.

.

Staying dead: Jason Grace (Percy Jackson: Heroes of Olympus.)

Yeah... I know.

I love him I'm still holding out hope he will return but I don't think it's coming.

I say think because... Leo.

Jason Grace is the perfect example of, I followed the rules, I did everything I was supposed to and I still lost everything.

He's the perfect soilder, the paragon of heroism and he fell sacrificing himself to save his friends.

I think it's best if Jason stays dead because his death is used to show the fragility of human life.

Of the harrowing lives demigods lead.

His final words are punctuated by him staring at Lester, Apollo in his eyes as he's stabbed.

And telling him to remember.

Remember what you saw, remember the way my life drained from eyes.

Remember this day, and know I'm not the first nor the last.

It's such a powerful moment.

Especially because Apollo gets to know Jason and is hit throughout the book that Jason is so young.

That he's just a kid.... that they all are.

Demigods aren't promised happy endings.

Most don't live to be adults, and it's perfectly and tragically shown perfectly through Jason's death.

He just got the life he wanted, found out Leo's alive... And than in a moment it was all gone.

Also, for Jason who's served 14 years at 16, he deserves to rest a while.

.

Coming back to life: Summer Rose (RWBY)

Didnt see that coming, I was very much on the "Oh my gosh can we not... Can she just stay dead" train.

Now look at me.

To be fair we know more than we did than and I am really interested to know what happened to Summer.

What happened to STRQ in general to be honest.The tragic death that no one speaks of.

Who's events seem to be only known by Summer herself.

And with the rise of Grimm like the Hound, a beast made of both grimm and silver eyed warriors.

With the note from Ruby and Yang that Summer could have been the turning point.

From Salem killing silver eyed warriors to capturing them.

Given Salem was trying to kill Maria when she was young, now am old lady.And has only ever tried to capture Ruby.

That and Grimm Summer is just the concept ever, I wanna see Summer Rose the paragon of being a huntress be an underling for Salem.

Especially if she's not as reluctant of a follower as we may believe.

.

Staying dead: Junko Enoshima (Danganronpa)

Junko is that werid one of I want her to stay dead but like keep her memory alive.

Because it makes sense too, woman caused the apocalypse.

And if we're still operating in that universe it makes sense she'd be bought up, especially after the fact.

But I don't think Junko herself should be bought back.

I get why they did it in Danganronpa 2 because it made sense.

But after, I don't think Junko needs to keep being our main bad guy.

I think exploring the word, her followers and hell people have nothing to do with her would be a lot of fun.

If they do bring her back I'm not gonna be mad, just think hey if we can have multiple protags it'd be fun to have multiple villians too.

She can't carry all of this on her own.

If they do bring her back, kinda defeats the purpose of her death.

Of why it meant so much to her, why she had to lose to Makoto the ultimate hope and her own class.

She lost but she also won.

It's such a huge thing and to bring her back and than kill her later it really deminishes the impact her death had.

... That and...She'd need a whole new body because who knows what happened to her corpse.

.

Coming back to life: Matsuda Yasuke (Danganronpa)

Speaking of followers of Junko I'd like to see.

We know little about Matsuda, given he's only appeared in Danganronpa Zero.

I think him being around would be really interesting especially in a world where Junko stays dead.

Because Matsuda is that complex thing of being someone infatuated and in love with Junko.

He was her childhood friend and boyfriend after all.

But also someone who wants her to change.

He created a version of her devoid of despair and he'd be happy to keep her that way.

Which is a unique perspective because most Junko followers think she's the most perfect thing ever.

And I think having that perspective would make for an interesting story.

Because no one really sees Junko as a fully realised person, not even Mukuro her own sister.

Also even aside from Junko, Matsuda also plays a huge role in the killing game's.

He's the one responsible for the memory wipes.

Being the Ultimate Neurologist.

I personally would love to see the memory stuff explored given it was always second to the killing games.

I get why but it's so cool and not something we talk enough about. Wonder if he was scouted by Hope's Peak not just for having a talent but for it's usages.

Say... The Kamakura project 👀.

I dunno but I think Junko's boy toy deserves some time in the spotlight.

.

Staying dead: The Grabber (The Black Phone)

His death was not only deserved.

It was fucking satisfying.

Watching Finney use everything the other boys gave him to beat that fucker.

That has kept him hostage, killed several others and is now getting his just deserts.

Was glorious.

... And I'm well aware that there's a sequel coming.

And I'm just hoping he stays dead.

Because not only do the ghost boys, Finney and Gwenny deserve to rest.

The Grabbers death was just perfectly set up and delivered so brutally.

That him being alive and returning to die later kinda ruins the ending.

Because it's Finney's fight to freedom.

I mean if that's the way they go with it, I can't say I'm not intrigued but yeah... Not in a rush to see him again.

Would much rather see someone else wear that mask.

.

Coming back to life: Sammy Emily (Five nights at Freddy’s)

The fact everyone dies and comes back to life in this series.

But not Sammy is a crime.

I'm sorry but the story about the mysterious twin brother of the girl who becomes the puppet.

Is something I wanna see.

I know he's only been mentioned vaguely in the Silver Eyes books.

But that's only more reason.

Just Sammy who's thought be dead for years raised by his mother and having an unexplainable connection to Freddys.

I mean tons of kids in the Fazbear Frights books have been drawn or compelled to go to Freddys.

His would make the most sense.

Maybe Williams after him?

Maybe it's Charlie in the Pizzaplex recognising and calling out to him.

Maybe he's the new night guard at the place trying to figure out what happened here... And why it feels familiar.

Maybe he knows about Freddy’s but he knows Charlie was taken and killed.

A parallel to Charlie thinking it was him in the original books.

Maybe he's out for revenge or just trying to find his missing sister.

There's so many possibilities.

I'm just saying if we can get a book about Sea Bonnie's we can get a Sammy Emily story.

.

Well that's my list.

Feel free to add your own, I'm curious.

[radioactivewisdom]

I'm sorry if this kind of message is upsetting or annoying, feel free to ignore it if it is, but I'm just so frustrated and tired of trying to go on and pretending it will be okay. Everyday I feel so exhausted and sick of having to put on a mask to get through the day, being at work and interacting with people even minimally drains every single ounce of energy from me and it doesn't even pay enough for me to move out of my mother's house. I'm already starting to deal with health problems from not taking care of my body, and I feel like nothing I do amounts to any change in my life. I hate excuses so I'm not trying to make excuses, I know I'm only reaping what I've sown for myself. But I don't know if I can actually change it at this point or be able to have the kind of life I want to have. Maybe if I had gotten myself together earlier, but I already threw away so much time and didn't take advantage of the privileges I was given. I find some comfort in the things I read in this circle about being happy alone, purity, etc. but I struggle to fully throw myself into it because most of it involves spirituality and I just don't believe in some of the core concepts. A lot of it makes sense to me if I think of it as a metaphor for what goes on in the world and not in a literal sense. Like karma, because for the most part I do believe people get what they deserve, but I also think random people do suffer from the mass depravity of others for no reason. It's true the world is exactly the way people want it to be and there's no other way it could have been unless people had wanted something different. Things like murder, rape, pedophilia etc exist because people think there being a next generation is worth these things existing, which is the karma itself if makes sense. I don't believe in some things, like reincarnation for example, in a literal sense. I struggle to believe that children are born into abuse bc of something they did in a past life. I can understand karma for adults because how we choose to react to the environment we were born into is within our control and we will keep suffering until we decide to face reality and choose peace. But children don't have control over their lives and I think children only suffer for their parents' karma. I don't know if it makes me a bad person but I really only feel bad for the things that happened to people as children because that's the one time they didn't choose to suffer. I think most children will grow up to be evil but I don't think it's the fault of their parents or the trauma. I think most humans are just inherently predators and were always going to be the way they are, and of course in a world full of predators plenty of them are going to be victims of each other. The logic most people have is that being a victim makes you less of a predator so they cling to the ways they have been victimized as a shield. It sounds bleak but if there's a point to life I think it's to realize that life is hell and to not create a new being to experience it. It frustrates me that you can't be honest about it and can't say anything about the world being hell and nature being hell and PEOPLE being hell without people getting defensive and acting like you're the crazy one. They expect you to look at all of the selfish, manipulative assholes of the world and to "love everyone," see the good in them and forgive them even though they don't deserve it, to look at all their filth and call it love. I feel like such a negative and hateful person sometimes but almost everything in the world is negative and worthy of hate. You have to look at it all and be willing to pretend it's good or you're the hateful one.

Not annoying or upsetting at all. I think expressing emotions, even anger and frustration is important. You should never try to force yourself to feel a certain way if it’s not genuine. I was actually angry for some time, and festered in it. It was really important on my journey of self improvement. Life can be disappointing, and initially recognizing the filth presented to us, can be demoralizing.

Starting small could potentially help you. I dove in and wanted to completely change my life overnight. This obviously didn’t happen, and made it seem like an impossible task. You have to give yourself grace and practice patience. You’ve built up a lifetime of thoughts and experiences, that is going to take time to change. I started by doing one positive thing for myself each day. It sounds cliche and obvious, but if you look around, even little things slip past us. I also encourage you to get to the bottom of your emotions, especially frustration.

You shouldn’t have to pretend. Although I’m able to think positively about my own life, I know that this world is a terrible place. I agree that not bringing another person here is the “purpose” for those of us with this mindset. I find great joy in that, knowing that I’m smart enough to see through the illusion and make a meaningful choice not to contribute because of it. Don’t let the mass delusion of faux positivity get to you, those people know what they’re saying is bullshit deep down. The ability to be honest with yourself and acknowledge reality is a gift, and at the very least will help keep yourself safe.

I encourage you to take your time. Which you have plenty of. Don’t let the idea that you’ve wasted too much of it stop you. I sat with my negative feelings for awhile before coming out on the other side. I was able to comfort myself with the fact that I was smart enough to wake up eventually. Some people never do, and that’s what motivated me the most. I see others everyday who are almost at the end of their lives, and still soaking up filth.

You’re already extremely self aware and shouldn’t waste that. You need to spend more time with yourself, and find ways to grow self esteem. The relationship you have with yourself will influence how you move through the world. I sincerely mean it when I say that your words resonated with me, and I can tell how intelligent you are. You have a perceptive mind, many don’t get that, you shouldn’t let it go to waste. Maybe even finding a medium in which you can express yourself, even the less positive aspects, can help you. Writing has been therapeutic for me for that reason. Journaling as well, sharing your insights, even if just for yourself :)

[stillarandom-radfem]

So, something that irritates the ever-loving fuck out of me is when I'm chatting online with another woman/make a post about some feminist topic (for example, child marriage of underage girls to adult men, or female infanticide), and some stupid lefty moid jumps in with some dumbass comment about "oh, that doesn't happen here, that only happens in (name of foreign country or region of the globe)." Always with the tone and general insinuation of "oh, you don't know those women, that doesn't happen here, don't worry your pretty little head about it." And I'm just... ugh. I can't be the only white, Western woman who is disgusted by this patronizing and incredibly racist (not to mention misogynistic) "argument."

Not only is it not even necessarily true (if we stay on the topic of child marriage, for example, then we would have to acknowledge that there are multiple states right here in the U.S. where child marriage is perfectly legal with parental permission), but ALSO, even if that was the case, the insinuation is also that if a woman or girl is from a developing country, if she is poor, if she is a minority, if she is far away from where I am, then she is an acceptable target to be treated as lower than an animal and to be stripped of her human rights. That is disgusting. And often, these are the same moids who will join the libfems in shouting about "white feminism" and attempting to counter feminist arguments with some racialized psychobabble about black men or some shit (usually on a topic that affects black women just as much, if not more, than white women). Please. You don't care about racism; your attitudes about WoCs are incredibly racist. You're merely virtue signaling about MoCs, and we both know it. You don't actually care about them. As for women, no matter their color, class, or what country they live in, they deserve basic human rights as much as I do. Making not being denied basic rights into a privilege that is only to be enjoyed by white Westerners is disgustingly racist. And yes, I have every right to be concerned about women's treatment "over there", too, because I am a woman. Like, let's say that I wanted to travel. There are definitely places on the globe where I would feel unsafe traveling alone because of my sex (for example, Afghanistan). Why? Because women in those countries are treated horribly, and I wouldn't want that to happen to me. Their treatment still affects me, albeit indirectly, because of my sex class. It's fucking patronizing as hell to act like women who don't live there should just not worry our pretty little heads about a topic that limits all women (yes, some more so than others), just because some male decided that anything far away isn't relevant to him. It's still relevant to me; I am a woman, and all women deserve basic rights. The reason you're uncomfortable with me talking about it is because you're a misogynist, and you therefore don't think we do. You see women as property, and why, in your mind, would property deserve human rights? You would behave that way to us, too, if you were given the chance; the only reason you don't is because we have enough power here to stop you, and you don't want women there to get that kind of power, too, or else what would happen to your sex tourism plans or whatever? So, yeah. The argument is racist, it is patronizing, and it is deeply misogynistic. I have no interest as a woman in listening to that bullshit. Fuck off, moid.

[shi-daisy]

Unlikely Alliance

So I was only planing to make stuff for Day 1 and Day 7 of Eris Week but this idea popped into my head and my dear friend @praetorqueenreyna once told me she liked this ship, so I figured why not? This one for you girlie! We get the heir of Autumn with my precious Spring baby because honselt they both deserved better. Hope you all enjoy!

@erisweek2023

Eris Week 2023- Day 3: Secrets

Unlikely Alliance

The manor was nothing but a collection of vines, broken glass, rubble and wilted flowers. Eris hadn't cared much for the state of things, thinking Tamlin would eventually bounce back from this. He'd been wrong, for the High Lord was lying on the floor in beast form when Eris found him.

He didn't rise when the Autumn prince found him, rather he gazed at him with dulled emerald eyes. "Here to cut off my head?"

"No, Tamlin."

"Pity. I thought Rhysand sent you to finish me off."

"Rhysand's not one to let others do what he himself wishes to accomplish. Besides I have more reasons to keep you around than as a throphy."

"Pray tell, this should be interesting."

He noticed the blonde was slimmer than the last time he saw him when he had a meeting here with the inner circle. 'We shouldn't have frightened him like that.' He regretted.

"I have an alliance proposal. You and I joined as High Lords of the combined Spring and Autumn. "

Tamlin looked at him as if he'd grown another head."...Did you by any chance find Ciaran's secret weed stash, because if so let me know. He wanted me to burn it after he died."

"No Tamlin, I'm not high on your brother's weed. I've given this a lot of thought actually. It would be beneficial for us both.

You know that while Tarquin and his people haven't given any thought to take this land from you, my father is very adamant in getting Spring by force. I'm trying to save you from the edge of his sword."

"Let him. I have nothing left to live for."

"What about Lucien? Do you think he wants to see you dead?! Or Feyre, she'd be heartbroken to hear you passed!"

Tamlin let out a venomous sarcastic laugh that made him wince. "Feyre is the one that plunged this court to ruin for Hybern to destroy! She does not care of my demise! Oh, and your dear baby brother comes every so often to see me, and we talk. Last thing I've heard, he's happily coupled with the human queen and general. I know that in time his visits will cease. I have no one left!"

So he was right. Tamlin still loved those two even if they'd left him behind. He could understand, as there was a lady that refused him and he still sometimes pined for, even if she'd soon be wedded in the Court that he was trying to topple.

"Yet I'm still here. I am offering you a chance to rebuild, to forget, to maybe even reconnect with those you miss."

"Why?! Eris you and I were never close. For years I was only your younger brother's lov- friend!"

"Aye, and I thought that was the only connection we'd share. But as time goes on and everything we knew keeps crashing down, I've kept on thinking that perhaps we should reevaluate our bonds. And yours ws the first to come to mind.

I know how much you loved this court Tamlin. You gave your all for it even if what you truly wanted was to play music and travel. Let me help you heal it, as we bring our enemies down."

"Our enemies? Aren't you Rhysand's ally?"

"That is all talk." He showed Tamlin a Sapphire pendant that glowed in the light. "My true allies are the ones rebelling against Rhysand's rule. His court is preparing to bring him down. I'm just one of their many spies."

Tamlin looked surprised yet impressed. "If we marry, you know well...where my heart lies."

"You know where mine lies too."

Tamlin nodded. He knew that like him, Eris had fallen for one of the Acheron sisters and lost her to an Illiryan.

"Maybe in time that can be healed too. But for now all I want is for the court to be healed, with or without me. I'll accept your proposal."

Eris smiled. He took out the ring he'd brought to make things official. The bronze and ruby piece had been crafted to magically fit the wearer.

Tamlin smiled slightly, he seemed to like it.

"Now, Tamlin Vanserra, will you allow me to get you home?"

"You're still as cheeky as always, but yes."

***

As expected Beron had everything prepared in a mere afternoon, and surprisingly he had followed the instructions Eris suggested. Having all the dishes, flowers and decorations for the banquet be tailored to Tamlin's tastes.

The blonde was being gushed over by Imogen, who made sure he ate enough, and kept him from being overwhelmed.

Thankfully official speeches and matters of the sort were brief, and they could spend the rest of time dancing and enjoying the party. Surprisingly, Tamlin's mood did improve during those few hours.

Once the party ended he was about to pick up his drunken younger siblings, when Nemesis stopped him.

"I'll take care of the hungover babies. Go and rest with your fiance."

"Feeling extra nice or are you not sober?

"Fool, I have enough hallucinations as it is, I'm not making it worse with alcohol. Now scram."

He wouldn't argue with that. Tamlin was still withdrawn despite his better mood, Eris didn't blame him, being back here in Autumn might've brought back memories. So he took the chance to try and cheer up the High Lord of Spring.

Their new room was not as extravagant as the party, but it had a mix of dark greens and reds that was pleasing to the eyes. He'd made sure to furnish it with a writing desk and new instruments for Tamlin. The gesture didn't go unnoticed.

"You remembered my violin and fiddle. Even got a guitar as well."

"Having you play during the Spring Court events was always a highlight. Those who came from Spring said they missed it and I have to agree."

Tamlin chuckled. "You keep secrets well, Eris. This plan and the fact that there's so much about me that you knew and did not show, makes me wonder how many things you have up your sleeve."

He pulled Tamlin close by the waist, relishing in his flustered expression. "You'll come to see it all soon enough, dear future husband. This may all be a part of my plan, but I do intended to get close to you for real Tamlin. Let you see what's under the mask, if you wish to. Just trust that I am not keeping any dangerous secrets from you."

Tamlin's gaze was hopeful, it took little to earn his trust nowadays, even if hardship should've had the opposite effect. "I'll trust you, if you agree to let me keep some small secrets of my own."

"Absolutely."

He pulled out a small Hyacinth flower from his pocket, handing it to Tamlin. The bloom was blue and glowing. Eris had studied flower language before picking the flower.

"A show of caring? You're being very sweet tonight." Tamlin told him.

"Have to spoil my husband to be."

"I'll be sure to return the favor soon."

It didn't take long for them to grow tired, having danced to nearly all of the songs without pause. Eris didn't think he'd feel guilty holding Tamlin's sleeping form. He was no longer the muscular imposing man he'd met years ago. Rather he felt very thin and fragile.

'How did we all leave him to waste away alone?' He pondered. Shaking the thought away he made sure the thick fluffy blankets covered them both well, before snuffing out the candles in the room with a snap of his fingers.

Tamlin was right, he had many secrets. His plans to topple Rhysand, to take down Beron, and to help properly heal Spring were some of his most ambitious and well kept secrets. But there was one he wouldn't voice to anyone, at least not until he was certain he could reveal it without consequences.

He'd kept a torch for young High Lord for centuries, and now that he had him, Eris wouldn't be letting him go anytime soon.

[elderflowergin]

3 K-drama moments (January edition)

1. Kim Hae-sook expressing her rage at a young Japanese officer in full satoori and banmal in Gyeongseong Creature. Until this point she has been a capable right hand to Park Seo-joon, restrained, deadly efficient and completely unshakeable. But long-simmering fears and frustrations are boiling over everywhere in Gyeongseong and elsewhere, resulting in this atypical, shocking conversation with a junior officer who sympathises with them but cannot bridge the colonial gap. Language is so significant in this genre, and it’s so visceral when Kim Hae-sook openly vents to this man in her own language, in her own dialect.

Gyeongseong Creature is a pretty dark take on human experimentation, the last gasp of colonial horrors in a dying empire and the endurance of community. Park Seo-joon (and Han So-hee to a lesser extent) have to be the heroes; nonetheless the story understands that liberation is won not by strong-jawed men who talk pretty, but by community, by ordinary people doing extraordinary things together.

Kdrama has a wealth of supporting actors and it's no different here, with Jo Han-cheol, Kang Mal-geum, the aforementioned Kim Hae-sook, Claudia Kim and lovely, lovely Kim Yoon-woo in an affecting subplot (you might have seen him as Ryang Eum in My Dearest). Hate that Netflix made this one a cliffhanger, but they got me. Now, please give us a grown up romance with Jo Han-cheol in it. Our man's earned it.

2. Jung Jin-young’s vividly joyous sex life with his partner played by Yang Mal-bok in LTNS. The astonishing tenderness of their meeting, their love story and the joy he has brought to her arid, parched life are all so well-done that I had a lump in my throat throughout the episode.

This show took atypical love and affair stories, the sort we tend to mock or criticise - the plain girl sleeping with the married colleague, the fiftysomethings rediscovering their zest for life in each other’s bodies, the married lipstick lesbian who keeps coming back into her ex’s life - and offered so much kindness and love in the writing and the framing of those stories. @drivingsideways remarked that it was so different from anything Kdrama has given us, and that is completely correct.

Esom and Ahn Jae-hong were beyond excellent as a troubled couple that maybe shouldn't have married all those years ago - people who were maybe always a little too different, and then papered over their differences with the routines of matrimony. I suspect this was all too real to appeal to the general audience and I don't think this is going to be nomination-heavy. But it deserves to be.

3. Hwa-rok running from the handsome Officer Jeong in the brilliantly written The Matchmakers. The youngest sister in the famously unmarried trio of Namsan, Hwa-rok is a very relatable babe who really wants to get married! Get a husband! Have SEX! - and manifests this through her popular erotica series. The bond between Hwa-rok and the shy, upright officer whose first introduction to her is all the erotica she writes is one of the most adorable plots on this incredibly cute show.

I have several feelings about The Matchmakers, namely that it is the rare romance I respect despite the minimal chemistry between the leads. The writing was top-notch and the lead acting didn't quite live up to it - this is not a criticism of Cho Yi-hyun or Rowoon, but rather a testament to the sheer wealth of talent in Kdrama and how accustomed we've become to actors elevating material. Rowoon surprisingly grew on me in this, with his physicality and his looks somehow making Gyeongwoonjae indelible despite his iPhone-knowing face. I might do a separate post on this yet, but it was absolutely worth the watch, and all of you were right, especially @haraxvati who bravely advocated for Rowoon's talents.

[twyla19]

Happy Pride Month!

It's June 9th, and we are just iver a week into this amazing month.

Some reminders:

Trans men are men

Trans women are women

Non binary individuals are non binary

This also doesn't define them if these individuals look, dress, or have interested that don't "align" with their gender.

Men can wear skirts and like dolls

Women can be mechanics and like trucks

Non binary people don't owe people androgyny nor being masc or femme to "fit in" a box.

There is no pride in genocide, yes i am bringing this up cause theres a bunch of pink washing and general rainbow washing that makes certain countries look "better" to prove that the genocide they are commiting is "okay"

GENOCIDE IS NOT OKAY, DEATH AND MURDER ARE NOT OKAY!

No matter who you are, in Gaza, Sudan, Congo, and the many other places that are currently suffering from genocide, the oppressor wants them all dead.

They do deserve life and live freely. They deserve love, compassion, and to be able live on THEIR land without worries of being killed for it.

Im not gonna be a hypocrite either. This goes for Indigenous people, indigenous Hawai'ians, and all the other territories the US has power over. They deserve to be independent, thriving nations without the worry of a money hungry billionaire country stepping in the way.

Hell billionaires shouldn't even exist. Housing is a necessity. Food is a human right, and so is water. Education should be free. Healthcare is a human right and deserves to be given to everyone that needs it.

The US needs to bud out of other peoples business and focus on what is going on here. But nope, they dont care cause of capitalism. Where workers basically work until they die or die while working. And if you fit outside their standards (like myself being disabled), they dont want you to live anyways nor be happy.

Pride events need to be accessible FOR ALL, meaning spaces need to be wheelchair and accommodative to disabled queer people.

Intersectionality needs to be a part of everything we do and especially for activism.

So for some hopeful stuff.

Some states have been working on becoming state sancuaries for queer and trans people.

There have been many resources that i have reblogged about Gaza and helping palestinians get funds to get out of Gasa and to safety. If not, OperationOliveBranch on Instagram and Tiktok also have a great linktree resource of how to help.

Finally, love will win and conquer over everything else. This post may seem hopeless or doom posting, but that is the reality. It's not even half of what my brain goes through a cycle of hope and despair. I am hopeful things will change and get better, that we all will stop worrying about our differences and fight against the people who actually want us to fight while they play astronauts and water divers.

If you made it this far into this post, share an emoji in the comments or reblog this.

[cowboyjen68]

I’m sorry if this is a strange thing to ask advice about. I’m certain I’m a lesbian, it feels correct. It’s what makes most sense to me given everything I know about myself since I was a girl who didn’t understand these things. But I keep feeling like I should try it out with a man before calling myself a lesbian. Like I have to check it off the list. But when it gets down to it I freak out and don’t want to anymore. I think what I’m trying to do is see if I can endure it because being with men would just be more practical for me. Although I get the sense that I only feel this way because deep down I don’t want to be a lesbian. Is there a way for me to be satisfied with the fact that I’m a lesbian? Maybe being with a man will be as awful as I imagine it to be that I’ll stop moping and wishing I was straight. I guess I just wish I could have the strength and motivation it takes to deal with what I don’t like about the lgbt community and what I don’t like about family expectations of who I’m supposed to be and still be content with being a lesbian anyway. What if I’m never happy? I might not be into men, but my family would be thrilled to see me with a boyfriend and maayyybe my life would be happier. I’m sooo sorry I made your read this, but I’m trying to be honest. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore!

The good news is, whether you are a lesbian or not, all of these conflicts are being prompted by outside influences, as you mentioned: Family, LGBT community etc. General society has an effect on us even if we think we are able to subvert it by being aware of the expectations of us as women. Knowing a problem exists does not give us the solution. 

Why is this good news?  Because fixing internal struggles can be helped greatly by  learning how to filter the outside noise as it applies to you. You can learn tools to navigate all the societal junk surrounding you, Humans are naturally built to do so. We all live in a world where we rely on information from our culture to figure out life goals, expectations to get along in our environment and acceptable behavior (ie manners)  so I believe we have some natural ability to take what is around us and shape it into what fits us as much as we are shaped by it. We are not just puppets of our environment or we would all be just exactly the same as our regional friends and family. Clearly that is not the case in the real world.

At the end of each day, at the times in your life when you are alone, whether for a minute or hours or days, you are always with yourself. Happiness is a gift you deserve and you are responsible for giving it to yourself. If you are not happy with a man and you are not happy with a woman you still have yourself. Happiness can occur outside of any relationship. 

When I was young, teens and early 20’s I knew I liked women. I was almost 100 percent sure that I was a lesbian but, at the time, would never have admitted I was 100 percent. There was always some doubt that I was just unsure or misreading or lacking some important experience that would cause a light bulb to go off and I would be straight. Maybe it was youth, maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was desperation to not want to be a lesbian. 

So I dated and had sex with the nicest man I could find. It was… something I did and that was that. I was not traumatized. We dated for maybe two weeks and slept together a handful of times. Each time I was disillusioned that it was okay to meh. Definitely nothing like the movies, TV and love songs made it out to be. Just something that we did and it was not miserable but not fulfilling. IT was not that it made me sure I was a lesbian but it forced me to begin to accept that I was and I needed to readjust my goals and the future I saw for myself. 

I do not recommend sleeping with some dude to force a decision on yourself regarding your sexuality. It is an unnecessary action.

While I don’t regret something that I consider just a youthful experience, if I could go back and give myself  advice it would be to date who I wanted and to have sex when it felt exciting and I was enthusiastic about my partner, whether that be a one night stand or someone I wanted to pursue a relationship with and not with whom I thought I was “supposed” to be attracted to. 

You owe nothing to your family when it comes to your happiness and fulfillment. You only get ONE Life and it does not belong to them.  You can do everything “right” according to what they think they want and they could still be disappointed so instead focus on you, and let them decide if they want to embrace living your best life or not. I can tell you, most parents say a lot of stupid stuff but when it comes to real life they are happy to know their child is happy. 

Being a lesbian is beautiful and natural. Connecting sexually, emotionally and intellectually with the right woman (women) is something well worth walking through the gauntlet of external and internalized homophobia and I say this from experience. Denying yourself of that possibility is neither healthy nor will it benefit you in the long run. 

Being same sex attracted is not an easy road in this world and I won’t tell you it is but it can get easier if you seek others who share your attraction. Find other lesbians or bi women to befriend, read a bit about our history and seek out the stories of those who have been where you are and came out the other side to be proud, healthy, happy lesbians (You found me out in the internet ether so you recognize that something about me resonates with you). 

You will be okay and eventually (it does take time) you will have lesbian friends who can show you all the ways lesbians can and do exist so you won’t have to feel constrained to stereotypes or just another set of expectations that don’t fit your personality.

[gloopytits-chaosmod]

"hey could we not do pedo bashing? i think the current definition and incentives are tied to mob-culture in the Klan-sense and makes it so there's just a never-ending mob raging against so called "bad queers" who don't deserve human rights and it's become pretty easy for anyone to be pedojacketed just from how paranoid this fear is, really drilling down stranger-danger ideology from the 90s."

"UHHH BUT DID YOU CONSIDER HOW GOOD I FEEL BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF THESE DEGENERATES?? THIS IS GOOD FOR ME TO DO. I AM PREVENTING EVIL."

"Preventing evil? Did they rape someone?"

"Not as far as I know, no."

"Then... then why the baseball bat? Why the effort?"

"BECAUSE THE IDEA OF A QUEER RAPIST MADE ME SO FUCKING ANGRY I KNEW I HAD TO PUNISH THEM FOR IT"

If someone violates your kid, statistically, it was you. Can we internalize this as white people? That the rapists we fear are in the family and would violate regardless of the existence of drawings that make you wince? It's not the queers, it's the perversion of the authroity we teach kids to respect that gets them messed up like this, cause we teach kids everything abt trusting shady fucking adults but no vocabulary to explain the violation through... in the service of preventing the violation because pandora's box or something? Fallacy fallacy fallacy. People want there to be inferior brains so every new generation the split between young, young adult and adult becomes more and more explicit and the threshold for being an adult gets higher and higher.

By the standards of the society I'm from, people still don't really view me as a fully fledged adult, as my brain still has room for radicalisms. And that's weird, right?

Like it seems bizarre to me that at the same time the pedo-noia is at an all time high there is also a political movement to ensure that young people are given as few options as possible to be considered legitimate members of the nightmare they witness every day.

Despite teaching us nothing useful, it's still our responsibility to deal with our inability to reason white supremacy's legitimacy. Failure to do so is not just a failure to conform, it's a failure to grow up: the value of your perspective is inherently less because you aren't reacting the right way.

Our society is a massive burning balloon. Nowhere in the universe has so many been this gaslit at the same time.

We know society doesn't work as is. We see it commit genocide. We see it sow hatred. We see it break every last one of us down into a checking account and an IBAN. To have these experiences of frustration, despair, these humans connections we make as we try to cope with the devastation of what we were promised in our minds eye, a society of happy people leading imperfect but dignified lives, be relegated to the irrationality of a developing brain is soul-wrenching and it causes people to legitimately give up on radicalism and accept hatred as the new currency by which to pay the toll of getting out of bed.

Are they victims or cops? Am I a victim or a cop? I only know one thing: the reality of white supremacy at the heart of empire. They might be victims. But they choose to be cops. There is nothing to save.

Burn Europe. Destitute White Society. Lets start the process of denazification once and for all, and dance to the spirit of friendship as the warlocks of Capital will be shot and quartered in an act of love.

[the-garbanzo-annex-jr]

As it becomes more and more dangerous to be visibly Jewish and/or pro-Israel in America, why do so many Jews continue to fixate on Israel’s alleged imperfections? Do we think that history can never repeat itself? Are we that sure?

Unfortunately, not everyone is willing or able to recognize the very real danger that both Jews and Western civilization now face. Some minimize antisemitism, blame Jews, refuse to understand that the cognitive war against us—which is greater now than at any time in history—has always led to genocidal bloodshed. They insist: Not here. Not now. Not us. Perhaps they are right; perhaps they are dead wrong.

Given the centrality of the land of Israel to Judaism, Jewish identity, and Jewish history, why do so many educated and assimilated Jews in the diaspora savagely criticize Israel only and support the Palestinians so passionately? Is it now psychologically safer to target Israel than to take on the antisemites?

As many have pointed out: It may start with the Jews, but it never ends there; it is always bigger than the Jews, who symbolize Western ideals: religious freedom, freedom of speech, freedom of inquiry (including scientific inquiry), self-criticism, the rule of law, the pursuit of justice, the abolition of slavery, individual, human, and women’s rights.

Jew-hatred is racism. Jews neither provoke it nor deserve it. Jew-haters bear the sole responsibility for this irrational, homicidal hatred. Today, it is the only acceptable prejudice among “anti-racists”.

Many fear that it is too late but even if it is—and it may be— we can never give up.

Each generation has an obligation to take on evil which always triumphs when good men and good women do nothing. We may not be able to win all the battles in our lifetimes, but we are obliged to do what we can while we are still here on earth.

We must remember that the Jews are an extraordinary people, a remnant of which has survived for millennia against all odds.

But we also must shed our illusions—permanently. We cannot expect that conditions will always improve, or that one country or another will always be a safe haven for Jews. We have repeated our history too many times.

One cannot win a war of ideas if one refuses to fight it.

Our ancestors suffered in exile for more than two thousand years, and while we are privileged to live at a time when our homeland has been restored to us, it was foolish to have thought that Jew-hatred would suddenly become extinct, and that Israel would be surrounded by peace-loving neighbors.

As Jews, as members of a nation holy unto God, we must understand, and never forget, that ours is an eternal struggle.

[nerdygaymormon]

Matthew 5:21-48 "Ye have heard it said..."

Five times in Matthew chapter 5, Jesus uses some version of "Ye have heard that it was said...But I say unto you..." Jesus is saying that this text has been interpreted this way, but I'm giving a better way. Jesus challenged traditional ideas, He expanded the interpretation.

We can do likewise.

There's two words used a lot in Biblical study, hermeneutics and exegesis.

Hermeneutics is deciding what we will use to help us interpret the text. We bring our own sensibilities, experiences, and understandings. Scholars may bring historical context, linguistical analysis, and a knowledge of Hebrew or Greek.

Exegesis is what understanding we pull from the text. The hermeneutics we use will affect what meaning we retrieve. This is why reading the same verses at different times of our lives will give us different insights.

Jesus taught that all the laws hang on the 2 great commandments to love God and to love people. I think we can use that as our hermeneutics as we read the scriptures. What does this teach me about loving God and about loving people? How does this relate to loving my neighbor, specifically the vulnerable and marginalized?

I also think about how does this relate to queer people? I bring to this my understanding that being queer is not a choice, God made us this way and expects us to live our life as queer. It's incorrect to view queer people as broken, not worthy, or not good enough. LGBTQ+ people deserve hope and an uplifting spiritual life.

Given those hermeneutics, let's look at the examples we find in Matthew 5.

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Matthew 5:21-26

You've heard it said, 'Don't commit murder because you'll be in danger of being judged.' I say if you're angry at your siblings without a good cause, or you call them names, you'll be in danger of being judged and going to Hell. If you've come to worship God but things aren't right between you and your sibling, then leave and make things right before coming back.

Another way to state this is if a person plans to murder someone, but at the last moment doesn’t because of fear of consequences or cowardice, is that person still good with God? No. Don't murder them, but don't even be angry at them. You can't love God if you don't love your neighbor.

How does this apply to queer people? Don't physically harm LGBTQ+ people. Don't murder us, don't beat us up, don't bully us, and don't call us names. Stigma, prejudice, and discrimination create hostile and stressful social environments which lowers self-esteem, decreases psychological well-being, and has other harmful mental health outcomes. Instead, desire blessings for us and hope for our inclusion and equal standing.

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Matthew 5:27-30

You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that every man who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

It is natural and good for a man to be attracted to women, he can't help that, it's how God designed humans so that we will procreate. But if he's attracted to another man's wife, how does he handle that? Does he merely note that she's attractive and move on or does he lust after her and think about being with her?

If two people have made vows to each other, it's harmful to try to get one of them to break that promise. Loving our neighbor means wanting their happiness and wanting them to have fulfillment in their most important relationship. To selfishly desire something for you that would harm their relationship is not loving. We should wish them the best in their relationship.

Unfortunately, I've had people use this passage to argue that being gay is a sin because I'm lusting after the wrong sort of person, just like the adulterer. And furthermore, by simply using the word 'gay' to acknowledge that I’m attracted to men, they say I'm identifying myself by my sin and I’m committing sin in my heart. That's not a generous or loving interpretation. This is not how straight people apply this teaching to themselves.

This scripture provides no reason to think of homosexual attraction any differently from heterosexual attraction. It's not a sin to be attracted to someone, and there are certainly appropriate ways to express those feelings. But if we seek to have sex with someone and upset their married relationship, that is a sin, as is lusting for that in our heart. A Christian should love their gay neighbor enough to want them to find a rewarding romantic relationship, just as they hope for themselves.

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Matthew 31-32

It was said, 'Whoever divorces his wife must give her a divorce certificate.' But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual unfaithfulness, forces her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

The law was if you're going to leave your wife, you gotta give her a divorce certificate. This way she can prove she's not married any longer and can pursue finding another husband.

At that time, men had the power to divorce, women did not. Also, women at that time had little power or rights, they were reliant on men. To divorce a wife is to make her vulnerable to real harm, such as poverty, hunger, and homelessness. To not provide documentation that she is no longer married to you and thus prevent other men from being willing to marry her will cause her harm and is not loving.

Many like to say that sexual immorality is the exception clause, you are not justified in getting divorced unless your spouse has cheated on you, in which case you can move forward with splitting up. I don't know. Maybe Jesus is saying that if she cheated on you then she chose to commit adultery, but if you divorce her then you are causing her to commit adultery should she ever remarry, and you'll also be committing adultery if you remarry.

Christianity has long wrestled with these verses. Forcing people to remain in an abusive relationship or letting them split but not get divorced which means they can't remarry, that doesn't seem like it's in their best interest.

I think due to the LDS experience with polygamy and how difficult it was, the church made peace with the idea of divorce and remarriage. Not that we don't discourage divorce, it's seen as a serious thing, but if someone wants to get divorced, we won't stand in the way. And when someone who is divorced wants to get married, we allow that and even give them the highest blessings by letting them get sealed in our temples. We recognize it is to their benefit to get married and enjoy a loving relationship. They have companionship. They have a partner to help with raising the children and the many tasks of life. They can find sexual satisfaction within the bonds of a marriage. They can help each other progress.

I'm glad my church has put aside this and other teachings against divorce and remarriage, and that we recognize what a blessing it is to individuals to get out of relationships which are harming them and also that it is a blessing for them to join a new, loving relationship.

How can we apply this to queer folks? We allow them the same blessings you want for yourself. Let them form loving, committed relationships and bless those with the recognition of marriage because we know such relationships bless their lives.

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Matthew 5:33-37

Again you have heard 'Don't make a false promise, you should follow through on what you have pledged to the Lord.' But I say you shouldn't make such pledges, and don't swear by heaven. Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no.

We need to keep the commitments we make. Don't be deceitful. Don't make a promise we intend to break. When we make promises that others rely on, all while knowing we don't intend to keep that commitment, it harms them. They take actions that benefit us without getting the same in return. That's definitely not loving our neighbor. We should be honorable and trustworthy and known to keep our word. We should have integrity.

I think of people who say they love and support queer people, call themselves an ally and say we should be treated fairly by society, and then they vote for candidates who seek to block us from having legal protections and rights. If you're going to vote for our harm, then you're not the loving ally you portray yourself as.

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Matthew 5:38-42

You have heard it said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you when someone hits you on your cheek, turn the other to him. If someone legally takes your tunic, give them your cloak as well. If you are pressed into service for one mile, go two miles.

This is different from the other examples because those were saying for us not to harm others. These verses are how to respond when we get treated unfairly. Jesus is not saying that we should be a doormat inviting more injury to ourselves.

Jesus' examples are forms of passive resistance. If a Roman legionary tells you to do something, and you refuse, you are punished. If you are unjustly sued, and you lash out, then you go to prison, instead here's steps you can take to highlight the wrongness of what is being done.

I've read that in Jesus' time someone could backhand a person of lower status as a way to assert authority and dominance. If someone backhands you, turn your face so they can slap your other cheek. They can't use their left hand as it's used for unclean purposes, so will they now hit you with their open hand as that shows you're equal? By turning the other check, I am forcing them to recognize my equality or to walk away from my challenge to their dominance.

A person's tunic could be used as collateral for a loan, but not the cloak. The debtor can be forced to give the tunic off of his back, but by also giving them the cloak, they're now naked. Public nudity was viewed as bringing shame on not just the one who is naked, but also the viewer. The one enforcing his rights to take your clothes is shamed.

Inhabitants of occupied territories could be forced by Roman authorities to carry messages and equipment for one mile post, but the law prohibited forcing them to go further than a single mile. A Jew at any time could feel the tap on his shoulder from a Roman soldier and know he has to carry the soldier's gear for a mile. By going the extra mile, it's a nonviolent way to criticize the unjust Roman law and cause the Roman soldier to be at risk of discipline

These are each ways to assert our dignity and to shame others for the how they're treating us. Each is a form of resistance but not retaliation, each is a way of highlighting the injustice without it turning into revenge. This is nonviolent resistance, which can be powerful in changing hearts.

This passage reminds me of the first time I went to a Pride event, it was really joyous and wonderful, except for some preacher yelling about how we're all sinners and going to hell and even yelling insults at people walking by including about what they were wearing. He was really getting people upset. Instead of yelling insults back, or worse, a group formed a circle around him and started singing Katy Perry's song "Firework" and the rest of the crowd joined in, drowning out his hateful words, until security could remove him. We did no harm to him and our actions stood in contrast to his hate and anger. It was a way to affirm ourselves and negate his message

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Matthew 5:43-48

You've heard it said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you. God's sun rises on both the good and the bad, the rain falls on the just and unjust, in other words, he blesses all. There's no benefit in only loving those who love you.

When one group perceives another as 'the Enemy,' it's easy for conspiracy theories, prejudice, and fear to cause us to no longer see their humanity. This leads to seeing all Muslims as undercover terrorists or for some to believe that gay people are responsible for hurricanes.

We are to love everyone. This includes people who aren’t our race, or religion, or nationality. This includes sexual minorities, poor people, that annoying coworker, the politicians voting to limit your rights.

We don't have to agree with them. We focus on the issues and don’t make things personal. We can look for peaceful, constructive ways forward. We can have kindness and goodwill for people even as we disagree.

I think of the hatred toward LGBTQIA+ people by many who identify as Christian. The lack of compassion towards queer people is disheartening, and to be asked to love them in return feels difficult, but it can lead to positive change.

In 2004, 60% of Americans disapproved of gay marriage. In 2019, 61% approved of gay marriage. That's a complete flip-flop in 15 years. There were many who were vehemently against gay marriage and expressed hatred towards queer people. Gay rights advocates were speaking of love, and when gay marriage was legalized, we saw videos of couples joyously celebrating their love, which stood in contrast to the bigotry that had been expressed. It's hard to see the joy and love and believe the hateful rhetoric. Individuals naturally don't want to see themselves aligned with people who are harming and hurting people.

We can keep protesting, keep speaking our truth, keep advocating for those who can't, but don't villainize those who oppose us. Stick to the issues and act with compassion and love. Let our actions stand in contrast against those who view us as enemies.

[sp1ra-mirabilis]

recent good things

the early september weather has been so gorgeous I've kept my window open continuously for the last week, drinking in the breeze and sunlight and birdsong and frogsong and ever-present hum of cicadas. occasionally throughout the day I hear neighborhood kids playing or adults talking or dogs barking or cars driving down the street. my bed, pressed up against the window, now smells of sun-warmed pine needles and backyard barbecues. at night just enough chill comes in for me to cozy down under my duvet. it's excellent enrichment after long summer months of being too easily heatsick to go outside and so forced to stay secluded in a dark box

the weather finally cooling off also means I can sit on the back porch and birdwatch so I've been getting to know the local birds, finally. living within a few hundred feet of my back door we have a goldfinch and some cardinals and carolina wrens, a red-bellied woodpecker and some nuthatches and chickadees and white-throated sparrows, and i have on one occasion been visited by a pileated woodpecker (HUGE) and a red-shouldered hawk (the songbirds were quite distressed and kicked up a huge fuss about this) and a flock of canada geese (gave me a wide berth because i had our cat Pebbles outside on a leash with me when they ambled by. pebbles was almost as excited about them as I was).

as I write this I'm eating rosemary sea salt crackers with pepperjack cheese and ham, sipping a delicious brown sugar coffee my roommate made for me, and watching a 3-hour documentary about neanderthals

my other roommate found me scans of a book from 1812 about psychiatric medicine so I've been reading that and reporting back on my favorite bits (did you know the human desire for revenge is stored in the spleen?)

also reading: an exploration of abnormal psychology in nonhuman animals, a fairy tale about a girl in love with death, a sci-fi novel my friend wrote, a creative translation of beowulf, various academic essays analyzing revolutionary girl utena, and a book about wasps (did you know that there are more species of wasp than any other class of animal on earth? there are about 5,500 different species of mammal and well over 100,000 species of wasp. even more than that if you consider ants to be a subtype of wingless wasp, which evolutionarily they are. g-d has an inordinate fondness for parasitic wasps) (this fact is actually true unlike the Victorian spleen fact)

I unexpectedly came into a fairly large sum of money recently so yesterday I paid off bills for a few different friends and then treated all my roommates to boba tea and sushi in celebration and tipped the waiter 25% just because I could, which feels INCREDIBLE to be able to do after multiple years of trying to eke by on a few dollars a week and only surviving because other people were generous with me for no reason. I'm carefully budgeting the rest now but I wanted and deserved to spend impulsively and frivolously for a day

yesterday: in the car on the highway, windows rolled down with heads and hands stuck out. everyone belting along to the music blasting from the speaker or shouting jokes to be heard over the wind. losing my heart-shaped sunglasses out the window and laughing and pulling my head in to braid another passenger's hair instead. later, on the way home after the sunset, leaning my head against the window and holding my friend's right hand while they drove with the left and both singing together now that it's done / there's not one thing that I would change / my life was a storm since I was born / how could I fear any hurricane? / if someone asked me at the end / I'd tell them put me back in it! / darling, I would do it again / if I could hold you for a minute / darling, I'd go through it again. we both looked out the windshield at the huge crescent moon and I talked about not knowing how to reconcile the fact that I am very done with life and very ready to die with the fact that I fiercely love my life and if given the chance would live it over again exactly the same, but being glad I feel both. They talked about not knowing how to reconcile the fact that watching me suffer and slowly die has been the worst thing that they've ever experienced with the fact that they fiercely love me and if given the chance would love me over again exactly the same, but being glad they feel both. We cried together a little and I kissed their hand and held it to my cheek and the night sky was very blue and star-speckled even through the light pollution of our city

the biggest problem in my life right now is that I have too many people who love me and not enough time or energy to love them all back as much as I would like to, and this is the best problem I've ever had

saw a queen bee and a male drone on their nuptial flight fucking passionately on the windshield of my roommate's car yesterday which was VERY exciting

every time I write out a list like this I remember my best friend saying to me you have an impressive ability to absorb massive amounts of trauma without any impact on your ability to experience joy and think about how this is my favorite quality in myself. it is not that I am immune to trauma. I definitely fucking feel it. But even during the period of my life when I was being violently raped every day I was still also texting her excitedly every day about the color of the sky as I did farm chores and the conversations I had about paleoanthropology at my internship at the natural history museum and my misadventures in urban exploring. life being bad does not preclude life from being very exciting! life is always always very exciting