#all the semi-specific examples I gave are real ones I have seen

[ziploc849]

My final TMA post of season 2. I think in the future I might try and keep these posts a lot shorter, limit my word count or sentence amount or something like that. But in the meantime, enjoy my thoughts on Episode 79 and 80!! I’ll be making a separate posts about some of my thoughts specifically regarding some shit we learned in episode 80. This is a long one so buckle in yall. I hope my ramblings are at least semi coherent

Ep 79: So many fucking thoughts. Jon doesn’t remember what Sasha looked like. Martin and Tim saw Not-Sasha even if they don’t understand it. Martin and Tim ending up in Michael’s. Domain? That feels like a fitting word at this point, even the way Michael talks, the way he has to remember the word for “sport”, makes me think that he’s not even something that’s good at pretending to be human. Not-Them is so fucking scary, the idea of them “wearing” the people they kill not like wearing their skin, but like wearing their essence, taking their place in the world but not their likeness. Fucking terrifying. Not-Sasha saying the institute “has the biggest eyes you ever did see”. Saying that if they took Jon’s place and became the Archivist he’d “miss the Unknowing” whatever that means. She talks about “robbing the eye of its pupil”. Archivist is capitalized in the transcripts when she says it, like it’s a title or a name. So much weird eye imagery in this fucking show. Strange mystery man appearing from the shadows and. Killing Not-Sasha? I’m not entirely sure what that was. God this episode was a lot from like 20-100 so fast

Ep 80: one of the YouTube comments on this episode is from that one TikTok “day 23 in the chamber, they ain’t found me yet but when they do they gonna be surprised” and that gave me a good laugh after this HELL of a fucking episode. You’re telling me we meet JURGEN LEITNER and then witness his DEATH in the same fucking episode???? What the shit??!?? All of my answers and ideas from the last episode were immediately answered here lmao

The Not-Them is trapped, not dead, likely never able to die according to Leitner. The real Sasha is dead forever, and it’s not surprising but there is a deep injustice in that. She didn’t have an inkling of what was going on.

There’s a book that works on Smirke’s architecture and is related to the phobia of claustrophobia, another hint I think.

The amusement in Jon’s voice with “That’ll be our Gerard” makes me wonder if I’ve missed something about his character related to the others, or if it’s just Jon happy to recognize something familiar in all of this.

The evolution through the episode of “what do you mean you thought they were just books, they are right?” to “oh god. They are so much more than books.” Leitner says some of them must like the flame, that things would take a different form if the book was burned. Is that what some of the creatures are? The ones that aren’t even pretending to be something strange and terrifying? Beings released from books and allowed to be more overtly dangerous? Like unbinding Not-Sasha from the table?

The description of what happened when the house was attacked is chilling and brings back many, many memories. Stabbed through the throat by something with too many teeth and limbs like knives sounds like the bajillions of people-to-the-left we’ve seen. Similar to Not-Them I think? Or maybe there’s a different example I can’t remember. Pulled into a maw that opened up from the floor, which sounds identical to the hole in The Butchers Window. Ran into a door that didn’t exist, Michael obviously. A hand through the roof simply grabbing someone is reminiscent of the way the sky ate, or somehow took the man in Freefall. An assistant whose name isn’t memorable anymore (though all the others’ are) being pulled into a pile of meat, the former sounds similar to what we saw in Lost and Found, but the meat mentioned sounds more reminiscent to things we saw in The Man Upstairs. Rooms taken by darkness or fire, things we have already seen the power of overtly and know very well.

Gertrude had 3 assistants, all 3 “meeting an unpleasant end”. I do not like the foreshadowing that offers for Tim and Martin, with Sasha already gone.

And of course. The entities. The humans to us, the ants. I find the analogy Leitner uses to be particularly interesting, even if I don’t know if he meant it in this way. Fingernails digging, changing the world in a fraction of a second, changing reality in a way ants could never fully understand. Like a creature taking the entire idea of a person and warping it to meet their needs. Changing memories and photographs and nearly everything in its path. The sky moving, in ways it shouldn’t because it just doesn’t, to pluck a man from reality. Eyes watching, knowing and seeing and observing, filing information away in a horrifying and terribly understanding kind of way. Always there, it’s people of interest never far from view even as they’re driven mad. Shadows vast and unfathomable, darkness that seems to spread the way light does. Endless expanses entirely impossible and yet very, very real to the people who see it. Themes we’ve seen before all over this series.

Leitner says Michael is “The Distortion”, “The Spiral”. Illusions and hallucinations and insanity. I think some things are falling into place, and I might have to make a seperate post on it cause this one is already way too long, but I think my phobias theory wasn’t too far off.

Elias killed Gertrude. Gertrude and Leitner were going to destroy the archives. Elias took files, files on “The Stranger”. Another mention of the Unknowing. Another entity? An event to come?

[Brutal Pipe Murder] made me laugh far harder than it should’ve. Sorry Leitner. What is the dripping (I don’t want to know). I don’t know how long Tim and Martin were gone, but gods they came on an awful scene. And they think Jon did it. God season 3 is gonna be Fucked.

[ranchthoughts]

RANCH, friendo! Question for you: when you were putting together the GMMTV Kissing Multiverse — who SURPRISED you the most with a higher number than you expected? And why?

Ooh good question!

On one hand, I haven't seen many het GMMTV shows so there were a lot of surprises there (I have never seen a show with Lee in it, for example, and he's a top 3 kisser); though on the other hand I knew I didn't know much about GMMTV's het shows so I had prepared myself for an influx of "surprising" kisses.

As the het show kisses started to roll in I thought Lee was going to be the champ because he seemed to be in everything, but Joss surprised me in eeking out the win (for now). I was also very surprised by the number of kisses Krist has had (there's even more coming in the next update too 👀). I had no idea he was in so many projects.

As for specifically the men kissing men section - we always talk about First and Fluke Pusit but there are a lot of men with as many or nearly as many kisses as they do! I didn't know about Friendzone so Plustor and Singto's numbers gave me a surprise (Plustor is tied with First, Fluke Pusit, and others for first place in this category and it's all because of Friendzone).

Bonus: the real surprise to me was how few repeat kissing pairs there were. 112 actors, 61 shows, and only EIGHT pairs repeated. GMMTV has quite the roster but I thought surely there must be some repetition. (interesting also to note that 87.5% of the pairs that do repeat are branded/semi-branded BL pairs)

[piermanwalter]

You seriously have the best perspective on SW of anyone I've ever seen and I could read you talk about it all day. Like as a whole its a franchise I never quite know how to feel about but your blog gives me the same thrill as reading the visual dictionaries as a kid.

I think it's less about having objectively perfect takes and more about creating interesting scenarios and then stepping back to let people feel whatever they want about it.

Like if I set off with the intention of making people feel a specific emotion or see a character exactly how I see them, it would take more creative skill than I actually have, and also alienate a lot of people, whether because they disagree with my takes, or because they agree with me but don't want to be influenced by my bizarre simultaneously wired and detached style that feels like splashing around looking for crayfish in a little stream at the base of a towering hydroelectric dam.

The way I do things isn't a perfect formula, in the sense that it doesn't have an immediate emotional impact the same way as aiming for a specific feel does, and also in the sense that I or anyone else can't half-assedly make a scene and still expect it to work.

Basically, I don't try to make everyone feel curious and excited by the same story, or safe and content by the same story, or terrified into helplessness by the same story, but I do try to make everyone feel exactly how each individual reader would feel if they were trapped in a ridiculous garbage mansion.

Example of how I do this: Rey has amassed an intimidating collection of ranged weapons from her scavenging excursions, but they usually rest under her little speeder house unused. One time, Rey was poking around in an ISD bridge separated from its already extensively picked-over body by over ten klicks and found a proton torpedo launcher with five live warheads. For a while, the torpedos lived under Rey's house with the rest of her heavy weapons, but after realising she was sleeping on top of literal nukes, she got them the hell out of there, almost selling the torpedos to Unkar Plut before deciding to return to the ISD bridge and defuse them there. She did sell the launcher and torpedo arming mechanisms though. Waste not want not. Rey held up the line at Plut's shop haggling for so long he finally caved and gave her some real credits for once. She used some of the credits to buy a Corellian air-cake with berry syrup from a passing spacer, but thought it tasted so weird that by the time she finished the whole thing, it was completely dried out.

Here are some semi-contradictory interpretations a reader could have:

Because Rey rarely uses her ranged weapons, and also disarmed the proton torpedos instead of selling them, she abhors needless violence and doesn't want to hurt people.

Because Rey rarely uses her ranged weapons, and also defused the proton torpedos by herself, she is supremely confident in her skills in fighting and mechanics.

Because Rey rarely uses her ranged weapons, she enjoys seeing the effects of her violence up close and personal.

Because Rey rarely uses her ranged weapons, haggled in line, and ate the air-cake even though it was gross, she is very frugal.

Because Rey personifies her weapons by imagining them resting and living under her house, she is incredibly lonely.

Because Rey personifies her weapons by imagining them resting and living under her house, she enjoys her solitude and scavenger lifestyle.

Because Rey bought and ate the gross air-cake from a spacer, she hates her life as a scavenger and is always looking towards the stars.

Because Rey bought and ate the gross air-cake from a spacer, she views herself as a princess or ambassador's daughter or someone important enough to eat and enjoy fine foods like air-cakes.

Because Rey thought the air-cake was gross, she disdains and rejects a fancy indulgent lifestyle.

How I feel about Rey is secondary to keeping things open ended, in case I change my mind about her character in the future, and also because it's fun to think about. So if a reader thinks Rey takes no pride in herself and stakes her entire identity on her parents, if another reader thinks Rey trained herself to be adaptable and makes the best out of every situation, or a reader thinks Rey is an incorruptible force of good, or a reader thinks Rey is capable of ruthless evil, there are things in this little story that justify all of them.

I don't do this as much when I write longer stories, but you can still find it, like when Darth Plagueis silently takes in whatever fresh hell Wat Tambor inflicted upon his interior decoration. Maybe you think I have nailed Plagueis' character, but that's only because I tricked you, via evocative descriptions of Wat’s “home” “improvements”, into imagining Plagueis thinking "Man what the fuck is tjis bull shitt", "Ah, this makes me nostalgic!", "Kind of jealous tbh", or anything else you can imagine Plagueis thinking in this situation on your own.

[mellointheory]

The Eggpire, and why they are the coolest villain group in the SMP

The Eggpire is personally one of my favorite groups of people on the entire smp. The Eggpire I’m currently referring to consists of Ponk, Bad, Antfrost, Punz, and Skeppy. They’re the ones who are clearly working for the Crimson, and are generally percieved by others in the SMP as corrupted. 

Part of why I love them so much is their clear alignment. They are perhaps the most obvious ‘villains’ in the current season. There’s no moral greyness with them, only the tragedy of the consumed as they serve their master. They’re predictable, and you can tell others view them as a threat. Don’t break the vines, don’t disrespect the egg, avoid them at all cost.

The Eggpire is also currently winning in the “group” part of “group dynamic”. There are other alliances on the SMP, but it has been a while since one solid group of people were working together to defend or protect something. Even in the Doomsday War the defenders of L’Manburg were conflicted--Niki burned the tree herself, Eret was working with people who he had betrayed once before, Punz was an active spy. The Eggpire has a solid foundation of people working together, and their internal workings are interesting. Every member has their own specific role.

Badboyhalo, the Corrupter

Bad, despite what he says about there being no hierarchy within the Eggpire, calls all the shots. He is the largest threat and the start of the Crimson’s spread. He found the Egg, brought others to it, protected it when the vines first began to surface. He takes the most active role in the corruption of others and trying to further the Eggpire’s goals. He’s one of the main three fighters in the Eggpire, and the other two tend to follow his lead and let him speak.

Bad being a demonic creature himself adds an extra layer of awesome to his character. While he was uncorrupted his soul jar (Skeppy) was taken by the Egg, and the...bathwater stream happened. That was a hot mess, HOWEVER, afterwards it actually became kind of cool. Bad saying that “no matter what he could do, he couldn’t fix Skeppy”, implies that his character is in fact capable of magic and was trying, over and over, to return his best friend to who he was originally and kept messing up. Only after his actions failed did he willingly corrupt himself and become the main villain of the Egg arc.

Antfrost, the Caretaker

Antfrost...I absolutely adore corrupted!Antfrost. He was the first person, after Bad, to become attached to the Egg. He was ruthless before he was turned--he even suggested killing Skeppy in order to remove the corruption from him. Now he’s actively serving an eldrich abomination. He follows Bad around silently and writes messages to people in languages they can’t understand. He’s a “professional hunter” (that scene gave me chills) and Bad’s righthand man.

Before the Crimson Antfrost ran an animal sanctuary. He’s still keeping an eye on the animals, but now most of his attention seems to have transferred to the Egg. He seems to have the most active affection for the egg, making sure to feed it and even kissing it once. The aesthetic of a chaotic evil catboy in a nice suit who has no moral compass but does have an undeniable fondness for the Bloodvines growing everywhere is just... *chefs kiss*

Punz, the Guard

Punz, as a character is very well done. He’s been one of the most chill on the server for a while, only actively involving himself in conflicts when A) one of his pets has died, or B) Dream told him to. He’s loyal; once he has a directive he will accomplish it. Dream himself knew if he hired Punz to guard L’Manburg, Punz would guard L’Manburg and kill anyone who left the walls for as long as Dream wanted him to.

Now Punz is guarding the Egg itself. He isn’t as actively threatening as Bad and Ant--he was able to have a completely normal conversation with Tommy, for example, while Tommy is actively terrified of Bad and Ant. Punz is only a danger when he’s called to be, otherwise he’s just a chill guy who doesn’t seem concerned that he has red eyes, or that the thing he’s working for is actively spreading across the entire server.

Ponk, the Voice

Ponk spent a lot of time around the Egg. He even planted a seed in his own casino, named it, and yet managed to turn it into something else. He was left on top of it for days, and came out completely unscathed. He originally began working with the Eggpire purely for pain au’ chocolate and bought contacts from Amazon in order to blend in with them. He doesn’t give a shit.

Correction: he didn’t give a shit until his boyfriend cheated on him. Ponk got corrupted purely out of spite and facilitated the beginning of a war between the Egg and the server’s local builder god. He’s a semi-psychic amputee and the caretaker of a graveyard. He has the most unique interaction with the Egg.

Skeppy, the Heart

Skeppy is Badboyhalo’s living soul jar and probably the most wholly corrupted in the entire server. He spent an entire day inside the Egg and came out with no desires except for it. We’ve seen him the least out of every Eggpire member, but he’s had the most effect on the plot. He’s the Crimson’s leverage over Badboyhalo. If being logged out means a character is canonically asleep, then Skeppy has been sleeping for months. Practically in a coma, until the Egg needs him.

cc!Skeppy says that they have more planned for his character, so I’m very much looking forward to seeing what will happen when the Egg decides it needs him. He was probably the weakest Eggpire member, but who knows what he’s capable of now?

The Crimson Itself:

The Crimson is a problem you can’t get rid of. The bloodvines spread without anyone being near them; they grow back as soon as they’ve been cut. Just hurting the Egg can kill you, although they retconned Sam’s death due to Crimson damage. To quote Badboyhalo: “If you break the Egg, it bites you back.”

The absolute coolest thing about the entire Egg arc, in my opinion, is how hard it is to keep an eye on the big picture. We as viewers get wrapped up in what’s happening right now. Hannah was trapped in the Egg, now she’s escaped. There were vines in Sam’s base, now they were broken. The Eggpire attacked Foolish’s base, then he scared them away. Then you pull back and remember, it is just a an egg. We have no idea what its plans are, or what it’s capable of. Someday comes the Red Banquet, and that’s when the real storm breaks.

[siryouarebeingmocked]

So, reading a Lit RPG on Kindle, because it was free. And I've noticed some...details.

Protag is a  young woman . Works at a hot dog stand. Her boss gave her a work shirt that's a size too small. Means she can't button it all the way. Which means more tips, he said.

And she thinks of her boss as a 'sexist'.

Not a disgusting pig who looks at her in a way that makes her personally feel unsafe Just an incompetent, sexist scumbag.

 Look, I've gotten unsolicited attention from ladies at work before. And my reaction was 'Ah, jeez, not again." It was personal, not grand and abstract.

Oh, and her hot male coworker (who she has a crush on) flirts with the customers. And they both get more tips .Anyway, a dimensional rift opens up, and pulls both of them into the plot dimension. Along with a few thousand con-goers.

After they arrive, they're soon reduced to a few hundred. Not including Crush Coworker. He died in an accident, in front of our hero, seconds after arrival. Then she has to go on the tutorial level from Hell, which is extremely painful and dangerous.

Our girl compares it to Prince of Persia. 

Shortly before she breaks her leg. 

She heals it, but she has to set the bone. While awake. Not fun.

And after she finishes that stage, she sits in the "locker room", and notes that the course is biased against "differently-abled people, and th people with low athleticism”. She resolves to Have Words with the designers as soon as possible. 

Now, call me crazy, but when you've been kidnapped to another dimension, forced onto a death course as training, seen death, up close and personal, broken your leg and blacked out because of it…

…why is missing handicap ramps what really your gears?

Did I mention that she knows this is a one-way trip and she can't go home again?

The weird part? Her other character traits are all justified, or understandable.

She cares for her semi-dysfunctional family. She's obviously cares about the hot coworker because he's hot and nice. She had to quit college for lack of money, hence the job. She's athletic because she's a former gymnast, which she quit because she didn't have time. Her attempted metagaming? Well, she's an aspiring electrical engineer, which implies some degree of nerdiness.

But being woke ? Out of nowhere, Not even like she has friends, or mentions social media, or is a minority, it just kind of...happens.

Maybe it gets explained later, or it's supposed to be a character flaw, but I have a sneaking suspicion this is what TVtropes calls Author Appeal. 

I'm not sure the writer meant to make our girl seem out of touch with the situation. 

When people are in personal peril, they mainly worry about themselves. Then people around them and immediate threats (which are sometimes the same thing), then friends and family, then big, abstract concepts, if they have enough free time and safety to process the other stuff.

The handicap thing comes out of basically nowhere. She thinks of "differently abled", instead of specifically thinking about someone in a wheelchair (for example), which is a much stronger image for the reader. 

She could've actually met someone in a wheelchair before the portal opened, and seen them with the other people who got pulled in. 

Just give them one distinctive character trait other than 'being in a wheelchair', and they'd seem a lot more like a real person, so the protag could somehow remember them and go "oh, crap, they probably died", then think about how they died, then how other physically impaired people would do. Or even just someone who happened to have an arm or a leg in a cast, which leads protag to think of people with more serious issues.

It would be funny if wheelchair person sees the protag's low-cut uniform, and asks if it's to get more tips. Protag says it was the boss's idea. Person says the wheelchair works/worked the same. Then s/he tips generously.

I'm not sure I'm going to finish the story, if she keeps being like this.

Good thing I didn't pay any money for it.

EDIT: There's also one other thing I've noticed, but I'm putting it past the cut, because it's a problem with a lot of writers, and you might not wanna take the red pill. Seriously, it's something you can't unsee once you know it exists.

She writes like a writer.

A lot of stories do this. They're told in first person, yet the character happens to use the vocabulary and phrasing of a trained writer, even though they're not supposed to be. It makes sense if the character is an intelligent, avid reader (EG Harry Dresden), but usually it just happens. For example, when was the last time you heard someone use the word "avid" in a spoken conversation? Or "reticence"? Or "admonishes"? Or "prodigious"? Or described "hope blossoming", or said you "looked expectantly" at something, or "let out a frustrated huff" or gave a room a "sweeping glance"? Not only does she write like a writer, she keeps including a bunch of redundant adverbs. Such as saying a huff was "frustrated". I try to write like the reader is watching a TV show or movie, and can tell how people feel from their actions and reactions, and I don't include adverbs unless they're strictly necessary, like "quickly". And I never, ever go "in [emotion]", like "I flopped onto my bed and screamed into my pillow in frustration." The whole point of the action is to show the reader how the person feels. Making it explicit undercuts that point. It's one thing to have the narrating character realize what it is, but I try to avoid that too. If you do nothing else, add a layer of abstraction and implication. Like; >I flopped onto my bed and screamed into my pillow. >I was not having a great day. Even this slight bit of understatement is more engaging than >I was having a bad day. Here's a blog post I found on the subject of adverbs; https://www.writingforward.com/writing-tips/avoid-adverbs /rant

[veliseraptor]

there is my black widow movie

wow been a while since marvel movie write up, let’s see if I even remember how to do this. just got back from the theater with @ameliarating and @portraitoftheoddity and honestly you guys, non-spoilery first emotional reaction: I loved it. I had a fantastic time watching it. this is the first Marvel movie in a long time that I’ve watched and gone “oh wow I could watch that again.” I might actually watch it again. the only barrier is ticket prices.

anyway! yeah. so. positive feelings. proudly: there’s my black widow movie

to get more specific (with multiple spoilers below):

this is all going to be very stream of consciousness so I apologize in advance

to paraphrase an internet meme: WOMEN

seriously though this was a movie that was about women, centered women, the most prominent relationships were between women and I loved it, okay, I loved it so much.

the opening sequence with tomboy!Natasha who was clearly already semi-feral and had probably killed a man before.

child!Natasha screaming at everyone that she was going to kill all of them if they touched Yelena.

“you were even younger.” well fuck!!!

in general lots of angsty backstory juice in here. like, it doesn’t get lingered on because that’s not the point but there’s some...Yelena’s description of the forced hysterectomies, for example, is kind of a joke but it’s also extremely visceral and puts the emphasis on the violation of bodily autonomy, which, if you’re going to take that from comics that’s what you should be getting from it.

in general: dear Black Widow movie team I see you guys pulling from the Richard K. Morgan run, I see you, right down to the ‘violence inhibiting pheromones/breaking your nose to circumvent them’ thing.

me, in the theater when Natasha started provoking Dreykov into hitting her: HEY HEY I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING

I would like to watch those opening credits again more closely because damn was there a lot going on and I’m pretty sure it gave implied confirmation (combined with the amount of punishment Nat took in this movie and got up again) that Natasha is more than baseline human to one degree or another, and I’m just pleased with that because it’s been my headcanon for ages.

YELENA BELOVA MY BELOVED oh my god Florence Pugh was a delight and so funny and just! her relationship with Natasha! the fact that that relationship was so central, was the driving force of the movie, and their dynamic was...

look, I have a lot of feelings about the way that Natasha acts younger around Yelena in the way that you get younger around your family, the way she’s less serious, she smiles more, it’s just...it’s good. it’s getting more of the Natasha we’ve seen glimpses of that isn’t just the badass spy/assassin.

anyway it’s just aslkdjsldkfj many many feelings about Yelena and Yelena as the one left behind

Natasha denying that they were real sisters? ouch. big woof! I want more of Yelena’s head in general because there’s a lot going on there, so hope some fic digs into that. or maybe I’m going to have to? I have so many things to write already without picking up a fic with a very small audience sldkjfslkdjfhhhh

the fight choreography was a delight to watch. and also delightfully brutal. especially loved the Yelena v. Natasha fight but there were lots of good ones.

Taskmaster reveal was a good choice and I’m so glad that Natasha got her out. flashbacks of Ava Starr a little bit but like

Natasha as a savior of women and girls in particular and how that’s been a thread in recent comic runs for her? yes, thank you, into that

shallow but: this movie had some prime Natasha hair. excellent, the one she has at the end of the movie pre-hair dye is maybe my favorite ever

teared up when Natasha and Yelena hugged. congratulations Marvel, punched me right in the sister feelings

straight up cried during the post credits scene alkjsdf I’ve spent the years since Endgame in a vague state of denial about Natasha being dead so that was a rough wake up call

there was a tiny tiny part of me that was like what if they bring her back though and...yeah, they weren’t gonna do that but. I was still thinking it for a minute there.

but damn what a hook for (probably???) the Hawkeye series and does this mean that there’s going to be more Yelena, cause if so then good, and also yes thank you for the grief/mourning aftermath of Natasha’s death being a thing maybe because I was not vibing with how that was (not) happening

anyway. loved it, the accents were puzzling and I’m sure the spoken Russian was appalling but like. it gave me a lot. I am so pleased

(also just. reminding me how much I fucking love Natasha sldkjsdlkfjsdlfkj my girl!!!!)

other shit will probably come up but I’ll call it for now and leave this vague screaming emotional post here. could I write a coherent review? probably if I tried but that sounds like a lot of work

[emilycollins00]

Two faces of the same coin

Pairing: Tenma x ghost-looking! reader Part 1.

Hey! I had this awesome ask from sadly ages ago which I appreciated a lot bc honestly, just the fact that someone sent such a detailed thing?? My heart.

Request: (...) Tenma finds someone who looks like they got out straight from a horror movie- They could literally pass as a ghost anytime of the day! But once he talks to them they are just an extremely chill introvert, and actually really thoughtful and considerate? (...) So yeah, imagine Tenma who once was shitting his pants whenever that person was around slowly starting to enjoy their presence and even better: fall for them.

Enjoy! 💕

.

Classic horror icons and other disturbing creatures share common characteristics, pale skin, dark, sunken eyes, hunched posture, sharp teeth, and the like. These images inspire fear and revulsion in many with good reason. And while Tenma would insist he was okay with them- he really was and Yuki should really just shut up- he wouldn’t go out of his way to watch or read about that specific genre. And he was okay with that.

“A ghost in the school?”

He tried to not sound as worried as he internally felt, his brain still processing what Taichi was talking about while waiting for their drinks to drop. The redhead nodded unaware, eyes fixed on the vending machine “Yeah! You haven’t heard about it before?”

“W-why should I? It’s stupid to think paranormal stuff like ghosts exists anyway.”

With a clank, both drinks finally fell. Taichi crouched down to retrieve them humming happily, handing one of them to the summer troupe leader and keeping one for himself.

“I don’t know man, it’s kind of cool!” he crossed his arms behind his head, resuming their walk and looked behind. “What about you, Juza-san? You seen anything?”

The purple-haired boy considered it lazily, but ultimately shook his head. He didn’t seem too interested in the conversation anyway, and Tenma was pretty sure the main thoughts running through his head were today’s melon bread from the cafeteria.

It had been a while since their Ouka-high group had been able to have lunch together.

“Did you see? That Sumeragi Tenma is back!”

“Gosh, he looks so handsome!”

“Wait- don’t push me!”

“I heard he’s going to be a possible cast in that famous saga-”

“Are you serious?”

Whispers and tiny squeals kept circling them as soon as they entered the boundaries of the canteen. And while Tenma barely notices it at first, he can definitely see Juza’s stance going more rigid and Taichi’s eyes glowing at the attention received.

“I’ll go get our lunch” the golden-eyed teen announces heading towards the queue, hands buried in his pockets. He motioned Tenma with his chin. “You wanted set B right, no carrots.”

“Uh? Well yeah, but I can-”

“S’okay, you two go find some seats” he shrugged, looking around. There weren’t many spaces to start with and he’d honestly prefer focus on the food rather than the stares. “It’d be difficult to keep ‘em free with just one person anyway.”

“Roger! Come on Ten-chan, let’s go!”

.

.

.

“Aw, man. Everyone has their eyes on you as usual!” Taichi looked around, still indulging himself with all the people that were staring at them, some more blatantly than others.

How he didn’t get bored of mentioning it every time Tenma didn’t know, though he was low-key grateful. Not many people enjoyed being part of those types of reactions from a crowd- Juza for example-. When they finally managed to find some empty seats, Taichi placed his own bento on the table visibly excited. Tenma frowned.

“Since when did you start preparing lunch by yourself?”

“Ah, this?” the redhead laughed proudly at his confused look “See, I’ve been practicing my cooking skills! Tsuzuru has been super cool teaching me how to prepare some dishes for my siblings- plus, I’m sure I’ll get the attention of girls if they see my new talent!”

“Right…”

Tenma couldn’t decide whether he should make a comment as he took a long, thoughtful sip from his own juice can. Taichi’s lunch was a side of string cheese, a broken omelet, and some semi-burnt rice and it just didn’t seem very tempting.

He ultimately chose to leave it aside. Omi would surely know soon enough.

“So, uh, Taichi.”

“Yeah?”

He coughed, leaving aside the can and resting his back on the chair nonchalantly. “N-not that I care about that rumor, but- where is that ghost supposed to be?”

“Ah, the one we talked about? Mmm…” the autumn member caressed his chin, closing his eyes in deep thought. “No one really knows. It’s been spotted in pretty much all parts of the school” Tenma’s stomach sank at that. “But I’ve heard it likes room 1001 for some reason, you know, from the old side of the school? No one really uses it anymore- guess it makes sense!”

The redhead took again the chopsticks and started digging on the rice carefree.

“R-right.”

Tenma shook his head. Cool. Great. Now he knew which side of the school he would never even try to approach at least.

“Tenma-kun!” a female voice, not familiar, made him jolt from his seat. When he looked up a girl followed by two others were are already making themselves comfortable on the chairs next to them- one of them even deciding to sit on the table. “Hi there!”

Third years.

"Hi” he repeated.

“We saw your appearance in that new series, it was unbelievable!”

“Are you going to be a recurring character there? I’d love if you could ask one of the leads to sign a shirt of mine!”

He simply showered them a practiced smile. He could already tell what type of fans they were. It wasn’t something out of the ordinary- people approaching him about his shows or to ask for favors- and honestly, it was better not entering in that dangerous territory. “Thanks. Nothing’s been said yet, that’d depend on the company. I’ll be counting on your future support.”

They instantly beamed at his reaction. “Of course!”

One of them clapped her hand together “That reminds me, when is your next performance in that theatre company you play? I so want to go see it again!”

“Ah, that will take a while. We just finished a month ago so next up is the autumn troupe” he motioned Taichi with his head, a proud, real smile featuring his face this time “These guys have been going all out, you won’t be disappointed.”

“O-of course!” the shortest Ouka high student practically jumped into the conversation. “If you all want, we could ask for a few tickets from our-!“

“But Tenma-kun is not in that troupe, right?” the girls looked at each other confused. As if it wouldn’t be something it’d cross their minds to do, had the child actor not participated before.

“W-well, no but…”

“Plus, the summer troupe is hilarious! I kinda prefer those types of performances, you know?”

“I totally get you!”

From his peripheral vision, Tenma could register Taichi’s face growing red- a strained smile before sitting back on his seat, not trying to add anything to the conversation anymore.

Smile. Remember to smile.

“…We all give our all on those performances, I don’t think it’s fair if you have just watched the summer troupe. You’ll definitely enjoy it if you give them the chance.”

“Really?”

“I mean… If Tenma-kun says so maybe we could go take a look.” one of them gave a chuckle, playing with their hair. “You think we could ask you to get us some tickets for-?”

“If you are not eatin’ you should leave.”

“Uh? Can’t you see we’re-” the sentence died in their lips as soon as they turned and encountered Juza. Not that he himself was proud of his reputation, but during these situations at the very least it paid to see they knew who he was.

“Move.”

The resulting glare was terrifying in its intensity, and the retreat took no longer than a few seconds. No one mentioned anything afterward- Juza’s calm and blank expression coming back as he sat down, handing the summer leader his lunch and squinting down at Taichi’s.

“What the hell are you eatin’.”

“Hehe it caught your attention too, right? You see…”

Tenma observed them. They were acting as if nothing had happened. Not so long ago people tended to stay away from him for those same reasons, so it still took him a few seconds to find the words again- For feeling this relieved at their reactions.

He left the chopsticks aside. “Sorry this... keeps happening."

They momentarily stopped the conversation, sharing a silent look before turning to the teen actor facing the table in awkwardness.

“I-It’s okay, Ten-chan! They would obviously be more interested in watching you than an unknown performance” Taichi laughs and scratches the back of his hair. He seemed to be fine- a bit uncomfortable, but fine. “Besides, that just means we have to work even harder to be recognized, right, Juza-san!”

“Yeah, don’t get stuck thinkin’ ‘bout it. We ain’t losin’ any time soon.”

“Anyway Juza-san, are you sure you’re okay with only melon bread and pudding for lunch? I can give you some of mine!”

Juza didn’t verbally answer Taichi’s offer, merely staring at the burnt rice being held in front of him with skepticism “…nah. I’m okay.”

Taichi frowned at his own food, tilting his head confused. A few seconds later, he gave it an ultimate shrug before going for one more bite, Juza doing the same with his own lunch. Tenma scoffed at the view, trying not to smile amusedly. The autumn troupe really was made out of beasts.

“If Sakyo-san saw what you two are eating he’d skin you alive, you know.”

“Why.”

“What do you mean why, Juza-san you can’t expect-“

"Ah, that reminds me!” Taichi suddenly rambled, mouth full of rice “We should totally go to the arcade before we head up to the dorm. I heard they have these new games that are supposed to be super exclusive!”

Tenma winced “Can’t. I have a meeting with my homeroom teacher after classes.”

The other two replied with a similar expression.

“I almost forgot you came from a big shootin’ and all. We’ve been seein' you in the dorm pretty much everyday.”

“Yeah! Geez I always say I envy you, but dealing with that after working must suck!”

“You tell me…”

Taichi shook his head, giving him both thumbs up “It’s okay, we can go another time. Good luck though!”

.

.

.

“You can sit here. I’ll go bring your work in a second and then we’ll talk.”

With a lazy look on his face, Tenma caught a glimpse of his own reflection from a trophy case- one of the few resting at the entrance of the teacher’s lounge. He had never paid attention to them before; Second prize in a football tournament, first prize in some races and a few diplomas regarding different competitions, nothing too special. Ouka high had never had the best score regarding academics, which is exactly why he was able to enter.

Igawa liked to insist it wasn’t entirely Tenma’s fault he had so many troubles keeping up with schoolwork though- well, not more than the usual of not being good at studying. No one actually knew how hard celebrity kids had to push themselves- at least that’s what his parent had said. On the other hand, they hadn’t really cared much more, so long the school allowed him to be flexible with his schedules.

School time was usually done while moving sets and camera changes. He and other kids and teens were at different levels of schooling most of the time, so the teacher was forced to divide their time. Honestly, one would be lucky to get 30 minutes of full tutoring.

Anyway, it was rotten work and even Tenma knew it. He also knew what his homeroom teacher thought about it, which is exactly why he couldn’t help himself raising his eyebrows concerned as he saw the pile of papers being drop over the desk.

“Is this a joke?”

“I know you’re busy, but there’s a minimum to do keep up with your classes and… general results.” the old man frowned scratching his grey four-days old beard. He clicked here and there at the computer, probably revising the latest results of the tests they had done.

He then leaned back on his chair, trying to find a comfortable position before his wrinkly eyes turned to him again. “I wish I could think of another way, but you are getting quite behind everyone, Sumeragi-kun. We’re worried.”

Well, it was not his fault he couldn’t remember all the information they gave him like a script. Was it really the solution giving him the same amount of work as his classmates with half the time?

Before he could open his mouth to complain, the man placed his hand on Tenma’s shoulder. It felt heavy. “I already talked with your manager. It seems you’ll be having a break for a month and a half just before finals and I’d like to help you. We can’t have one of the biggest faces of the school repeating a year, can we?”

Tenma’s jaw clenched. Of course, everything was always for Sumeragi Tenma the actor. Student Tenma could go drown himself.

“Here you’ll find some reinforcement materials I think will be good for you to do in school. Less time wasted while moving and I’ll be here in case you have any questions.”

His face twitched. That would mean he wouldn’t be able to ask for Tsumugi’s help or any of the adults back in Mankai. “I actually-”

“Suguro-sensei, Someone’s calling for you about tomorrow’s meeting!”

“Is it that time already... I’ll be right there in a second! In any case, I would suggest you go work on the library Sumeragi-kun.” the man got up, finishing that way their conversation. “It should be quiet enough, but if you see any students being too loud, give them a call.”

Tenma side-glanced again at his workload, groaning internally.

Just about his luck.

.

.

.

Twenty minutes walking.

How could such a big school not have a single sign to indicate where things were?

Squinting his eyes, Tenma looked both ways across the hall annoyed, his already short temper from before increasing. He was sure the library was two turns to the right, then left, and then up the stairs from the teachers’ lounge.

...or maybe it was a floor down now that he thought about it. Damn it. It wasn’t as if he had ever stepped inside that place, shouldn’t they make it more accessible for everyone?

“This sucks…”

It had been a while since he had seen other students or even teachers around, which also made him feel uneasy. He glanced down at the paperwork in his arms, gripping it tighter. He hoped no one would see him walking around like this.

Just where was the stupid library?

It wasn’t until Tenma decided to try entering inside any room that would allow him to work, that he found many were strangely closed. He was about to gave up when he finally saw the dusty word ‘library’ at the end of the corridor. Finally. With effort he managed to open the heavy door, immediately pinching his nose.

“Ugh, stinks.”

The person in charge of cleaning the school really did a worse job than Matsukawa- at least the man cleaned from time to time and organized stuff. The place was an absolute mess; boxes over the floor, piles of books on chairs and shelves full of documents and other various things he didn’t quite distinguish.

Leaving everything on the closest table Tenma sighed when he felt his arms relaxing without the weight. Frowning, he walked around the place, smelling a mix of dirt and old- even some shelves were full of dust. Really, how did a school like this had such a gross place to study? No wonder students didn’t try to come here.

He should have asked for permission to take his work back to Mankai. Less danger of someone noticing he was behind his studies and it becoming a gossip- or worse, finding he had been walking without an absolute clue for the last half hour.

Yeah, he had more options to pass the year with Tsumugi’s help rather than on his own. Just looking at the amount of work he had he was sure it’d-

The faint sound of walking steps brought him back from his thoughts freezing him on the spot- all his breath trapped. He hadn’t heard anyone since he entered, but it shouldn't be surprising to find others studying.

I’ve heard it likes room 1001 for some reason, you know, from the old side of the school? No one really uses it anymore- guess it makes sense!

Or it was probably the wind. The wind tends to make noises, Tenma reminded himself while swallowing with difficulty.

Was the air suddenly thick?

Crack!

He strained to hear, his heart pounding loudly. “I-Is anyone there?” the nerves made his voice come out higher than he had hoped.

More cracks and sounds of steps. He couldn't see anything yet.

His stomach turned as his breath became louder. This wasn't happening. Yup! It was his imagination. What was happening could not be real, because ghosts didn’t exist. “I-I’m not afraid, you know?!” he shouted, positioning himself on a fighting stance while carefully moving backward.

That’s right- Tenma wasn’t scared. He had just rested enough, with or without a ghost in the room, and it was about time to leave. Ignoring his sweaty palms and nodding once more to nothing in particular, he turned around at the same time a pair of eyes made contact with his.

The figure opened its mouth.

And Tenma proceeded to absolutely destroy his throat.

_________________________________________________

This took so long though I’m not even sure If they are around. If you are love, I apologize! I found a few walls writing-wise. So not entirely to say I made it longer to make up for it but on the other hand... maybe. Thank you so much for sending such a nice idea so I was able to make this, really hope you like it. 💕

I promise this is a reader insert lol thank you for reading!

Part 2 soon!

[theywontletmebeprincipal]

can you give me drowsy headcanons, ramble, or anything please, i am so deprived. do not be afraid to make it super long, the more the better, i just love drowsy chaperone and love to hear other people (plus you’re one of the only people i’ve seen who knows a lot abt it)

ASK AND YE SHALL RECIEVE

I’ll divide this into a few different parts, going from least to most excruciatingly sad :)

1. general headcanons

2. in canon things i noticed and think about daily

3. a full analysis of man in chair’s connections with the drowsy chaperone as an in universe show (trigger warning for abuse ment, alcoholism ment, suicide ment)

SECTION ONE: HEADCANONS

- okay the chaperone is trans I don’t make the rules

- also her name is ambrosia :) she forsook her last name :)

- she’s about 12 years older than janet and kinda hung with janet’s family after leaving her own for a while . essentially she’s a big sister to janet

- aldolpho has some lines where he asks if the bride is big and/or burly and while in canon this is supposed to show he’s kind of a womanizer I like to believe it’s because he was fully prepared to fight her if needed

- speaking of which Of Course janet is ripped she does gymnastics

- my batshit crazy headcanon for this show is that dee dee allen from the prom is a descendant of roman bartelli no I will not elaborate

- is aldolpho one of those bitches with pets that definitely shouldn’t be legal? yessir

- post show kitty becomes a star okay I just want her to be happy

- the “pastry chefs” do discover a love of baking post show and now run a shop along with performing in feldzeig’s follies which might maybe be a front for some crime too

- TRIX DROWSY AND ALDOLPHO WORLD TRAVELING POLYCULE CAUSING PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE

- underling’s name is james I will not elaborate on this either

- show never says what trix does so I’ve decided she’s an explorer. she charts maps and punches colonialists and drags her stupid friends along with her, the only bitch in the show with a braincell

- drowsy was a former vaudeville child star pre transition - she left the business but was a mentor to janet

- I do have a headcanon for mic’s name but in the spirit of every actor who’s ever played him I won’t fucking tell

SECTION TWO: SHIT I NOTICED

- robert refers to himself by full name a lot of the time which is v interesting given he’s named after the writer, bob martin (whose wife is also named janet van de graaf). the real bob martin is like five feet away at all times playing mic

- idk how to describe it but the dynamic kitty and feldzeig (VICTOR felgzeig. we have a name from one (1) line) have when talking to each other is so snappy and funny and good

- aldolpho’s lines in spanish are mostly romantic bullshit but his first one hints that he has/had a wife who, if we’re taking the translation literally, refused to touch him. yeah I’ll bring this up in analysis

- the “pastry chefs” provide liquor for the wedding even though it has absolutely no relevance to their mission of stopping it :)

- drowsy is like. SUPER endearing towards janet and despite her bad social skills it’s super clear she cares a lot about her

- robert speaks fluent french apparently

- everyone says “ew” after aldolpho reveals his affair with drowsy despite her being a certified milf

- the body language of drowsy in the end of the show where she takes mic’s hands and breaks the barrier between reality and fiction is just so good. she was iconic the whole show but I honestly think this final bit is what won beth leavel the Tony in the end

SECTION THREE: OH NO

before diving into the way the drowsy chaperone affects his character, we need to understand what exactly it’s playing off of. to fully understand mic’s attachment to the drowsy chaperone, we need to outline what led him to isolating himself and living in fiction to the extent that he does.

mic’s father left his family at an early age and his semi estranged alcoholic mother was the one who began his love for theatre. mic grew up in a broken household and eventually moved on to land in a one sided marriage, which lasted a few months until he slipped up and expressed his discomfort with the situation, after which he and his wife split. nowadays, he lives alone in his apartment surrounded by records he uses to escape to a better life - his favorite of which being the one his mother gave him, the drowsy chaperone.

symbolism in the drowsy chaperone regarding mic’s life can be split into two main categories - mommy issues and internalized homophobia. there isn’t nearly as much mom symbolism as there is the latter, so I’ll cover that first.

drowsy covers both bases, but she definitely has some undeniable mom symbolism going on. drowsy marries aldolpho and mom dreams of being swept off her feet by a latin lover, both feel they’ve wasted their chances at love, both drink to forget, etc. this is where the idea of the drowsy chaperone being mic’s ideal way for things to work out, a positive parallel, comes into play. given that we don’t hear too much about mic’s mom other than her connections to major life events and the record itself, we can assume they grew apart in one way or another. the key difference is that drowsy finds a happy relationship for herself and retains her bond with janet, unlike what we’re led to assume mom was like.

further elaborating on the drowsy chaperone representing mic’s ideal fantasy version of events is the wedding the drowsy chaperone’s plot centers around. here’s a list of the things that didn’t stop that damn wedding:

- a minister not showing up

- the groom cheating on the bride with the bride

- the bride having a complete mental breakdown

- indirect mafia interference

- direct mafia interference

on the flip side, what little mic says about his wedding indicates it sucked absolute ass. he spent the entire ceremony in internal distress as he went through with a life changing event he, at that point, knew at least a bit that he didn’t want. I think he also implies he had severe diarrhea on the wedding day? it gets worse when you realize mic’s relationship before the wedding wasn’t any good for him either - he was playing along the whole time because it would be cruel not to, right?

throughout the show, mic is pretty clearly shown as an extremely repressed gay man. there are five specific instances that point at romantic and/or sexual attraction to men directly and another moment outside of his commentary that pretty much confirms it if you look a little bit deeper. thus, here is what I propose - to mic, the drowsy chaperone’s wedding plot represents a world where he was able to ignore that part of himself and have a happy marriage with his wife despite all the overwhelming obstacles thrown at him. however, bits and pieces of that internalized homophobia manage to show themselves throughout the drowsy chaperone anyway despite its happy ending. here’s a rundown on a few significant instances:

- by the end of the show, the “pastry chefs”, who had literally been planning to kill feldzeig, have left their life of crime to perform with him. this symbolizes how in mic’s ideal world he would have been able to turn away from what he perceived at the time as living wrongly - his homosexuality

- at the same time, the “pastry chefs” have this line, spoken in regards to janet: “if she gets married and leaves the show... there ain’t no show.” this is a take on mic’s subconscious concern that he might lose himself if he goes on with his marriage pretending everything is alright - of course, as we already know, he doesn’t listen

- “cold feets” is a pretty obvious instance of mic’s hesitation

- aldolpho’s line in spanish regarding the wife who won’t touch him flips to reflect on mic’s treatment of his own ex wife - she was alien to him as a lover, just as aldolpho was to this woman

- janet recalls her meeting robert at a point in the show and states “we spooned, briefly, then he proposed.” though mic’s relationship pre marriage was much longer than that, it must have felt that way to him - just as quick and nonsensical as janet describes

- just as janet is caught in showbiz but has a toxic love for it, so does mic with his own repressed life

- janet has a line in “show off” that alludes to her experiencing harassment/assault: “I don’t wanna be cheered no more/ praised no more/ grabbed no more/ touched no more/ loved no more” , which I believe represents the way mic perceived his intimacy with his wife - labeled as love yet unenjoyable for him

- “I look into his eyes... I get all woozy. and that’s... love, isn’t it?” is another very clear nod to mic’s misconception of love based off the only thing he’s ever experienced, relationships with women he’s had to fake

- this is the part where I tell you the lyrics to toledo surprise are a metaphor for actively suppressing gay thoughts. I’ll just leave you with “if it tries to rise; don’t let it”. these lyrics are not comprehensive enough to make a dish - trust me, I have tried. it’s also notable that they serve a double entendre as instructions on how to beat the shit out of someone, but several lyrics are also directed towards the singer/audience. for example: “it’s a snap/ try it folks/ whip your whites/ split your yolks” is an easy metaphor for the unhealthy mental gymnastics required to repress oneself so wholeheartedly

it’s also worth noting the obvious just for the sake of it - mic copes with all this by isolating himself in a safe spot where he can use musicals to escape and live his ideal fantasy, even if it’s only for a short time. there are plenty of nods to this throughout the drowsy chaperone as well. in “as we stumble along” drowsy notes that “the best that we can do is hope a bluebird/ will sing a song/ as we stumble along” - to mic, musicals are his bluebird. while mic mostly indulges in these fantasies, he knows to a certain extent the sheer amount of time he’s spending in them is unhealthy. the first line of the show is “I hate theatre” and I think that to an extent? he does. obviously mic loves theatre as a concept, that can’t be denied. what he hates is the way he’s allowed it to confine him.

with all that out of the way, let’s move on to the most important moment of the show. if you’ve ever seen the show, you’ll know exactly which scene I’m talking about immediately. I’m referring to, of course, the infamous “l-ve while you can” scene. as janet stands at the alter she asks drowsy for one final word of advice, which is partially obscured by aldolpho dropping his cane. “l-ve while you can.” it’s a simple moment, but mic reveals to us that he’s been agonizing over it for years - did drowsy say “live” or “leave”? it occurs to everyone eventually, whether a couple days after the show like with me, or years after like with bob martin’s replacement on broadway that the most likely answer is that she had said “love while you can”. it’s this moment, when you realize why mic had never seen that as an option, that the drowsy chaperone’s status as a musical within a comedy within a tragedy is solidified. mic had no love in his life - his parents hated each other and he was forcing himself into relationships in which he felt nothing. to him, living and leaving were options, but loving never was. so he locked himself away.

as the final note on the record is playing, all power in mic’s apartment shuts down and the fantasy is ruined. the superintendent arrives and further invades his space, breaking the private sanctity he had built up for so long. she fixes the power and before mic can stop it from happening, the final note of the record plays. and the super recognizes it as a musical. she makes a remark about how much her wife loves musicals and leaves, completely unaware of what she’s just done.

mic sits in silence for a while. and then he begins to sing. gradually, the cast members begin to echo their songs, dancing around him but never touching him. then drowsy appears and sings harmony to mic. and she takes his hands. the show ends with the entire cast, including mic, taking off on trix’s airplane as the curtain falls, drowsy handing mic his record as the plane takes off.

some people interpret the ending as mic committing suicide, finally deciding between live and leave. I don’t personally believe that and neither does writer and original mic bob martin, but it’s still a valid interpretation. the drowsy chaperone’s ending is ambiguous, yes, but not to that extent. no matter what you believe the ending means, it was brought on not by the interruption of the fantasy, but by whatever realization the super’s remark about her wife triggered. as I see it, there are two main options here.

option one - mic realizes he still has time to live and to love. when he was younger the prospect of living as himself was unthinkable to him, yet now he sees that while he was spending countless years alone the world grew. drowsy offers mic her hand, an invitation to finally become what he had admired in her - someone who isn’t anywhere near perfect, but is damn well trying and living life without regret. he accepts.

option two - mic realizes that while he spent years alone the world moved on without him and he’s isolated himself so much from social interaction that he’d no longer be able to make a meaningful connection with anyone outside. so he stays inside instead, never trying, always trapped between live and leave. drowsy offers mic her hand - at least he’ll have a tune to carry with him.

I really want to believe we got option one. I think option one is the intended, really, given mic ends the show with a joyful goodbye to the audience. but the way that the ending is still left open for interpretation makes it so that we can never really know - we as the audience only get to be privy to a small part of mic’s life, and we don’t get the answers we want because at the end of the day they’re irrelevant to us - all we can do is make our own choice.

[t455a-rambles]

A Little Insight of StarCatcher Boyfriend and Girlfriend.

Since I've got nothing better to do, I might as well write what and how's the relationship between Boyfriend and Girlfriend.

Oh yeah! Don't forget to support the creators of the mod, Kip and Startdust Tunes.

Now, from my first post for Boyfriend's backstory, I briefly mentioned how he and Girlfriend are mostly fascinated in one another and they took the opportunity to hang out more as they are collecting the Star Gems. [I know I keep on switching from "stars" to "specific gem" to "Star Gems". But this time, this time it's called Star Gems, okay?]

But I want more in depth with it. And this is where it begins

...

Okay, now let's backtrack to when Boyfriend and Girlfriend first met. Now I mentioned Boyfriend was terrified yet curious with Girlfriend and vice versa. Boyfriend was the first who started the conversation. Of course he said "Hello" to Girlfriend.

And as you would guess it, Girlfriend did not pick up the language immediately and just responded with, "Bloop doo beep?" Boyfriend tried to slow down his speak and uses hand gesture. "Hello. My name is Boyfriend. What is your name?" To Boyfriend's surprise, Girlfriend understood what he was saying and responded with fluent English. "Oh. Nice to meet you! My name is [ [REDACTED] Because I dunno what an alien name suited for her lol]."

Boyfriend tried to pronounce Girlfriend's real name, but it ended up sounding so bad, to which he apologized for it. Girlfriend reassured Boyfriend and it was okay for him to not get it right. Girlfriend tried to come up with a name that is easy for Boyfriend to remember. Then an idea popped out. "How about you call me, Girlfriend."

Boyfriend looked up to Girlfriend with a red blush on his face. "Y- You can't call yourself "Girlfriend". We're not even dating!" Girlfriend rolled her eyes and let out a sarcastic tone, but it's a playful one. "You're name is literally "Boyfriend" for crying out loud."

Girlfriend did have a point and never did Boyfriend felt speechless by that fact. He then agreed to call the alien "Girlfriend", but he still wanted to pronounce her name correctly. This made Girlfriend flattered by his determination.

Girlfriend then asked where did Boyfriend come from and his response was gotten suck by a powerful energy while he was out to take a planet's sample. He figured it was a wormhole which brought him here.

"You're lucky that the wormhole brought you here. Who knows where you might land. Maybe near the blackhole." Boyfriend was terrified by the possibility and Girlfriend said it in a calm manner did not help the situation at all.

Girlfriend asked about the planet Boyfriend previously visited, brushing what she said earlier. Boyfriend shook off the dread feeling and explained it excitedly.

Then a question came in Boyfriend's mind. "Uh... Girlfriend. Does this planet have a supply of oxygen? I'm worried my tank is running out of air." Girlfriend wasn't familiar with the word, "oxygen" and what's the use for it.

Boyfriend explained that it's a gas molecule which helps humans stay alive. He tried to find something to draw as a example on what it looked like. Sadly, there wasn't anything to draw.

Meanwhile, Girlfriend slowly understood why the oxygen was important. "Uh... Hate to break it to you, but I don't think there's a particular gas around here." Oh how Boyfriend was panicking because he would die quiet early. And if he died, he wouldn't be able to explore and study this different universe.

Seeing Boyfriend in distressed, made Girlfriend feel bad for him. She tried to come up with something that could help Boyfriend stay alive. Then, an idea struck. She took off her ring bracelet and transformed it into a star shape. And later slapped it onto Boyfriend's glass helmet. "There you go!"

Boyfriend was stunned on what happened and touched the area where Girlfriend "gently" pressed the item. "Uh... Girlfriend. What did you put on my helmet?"

"That's a Star Shield, it used to be my bracelet. What it does is for you to survive the harsh space out there. In this case, you are able to breath without even worrying about your low oxygen." Girlfriend explained it proudly.

Boyfriend slowly taken in the new information, which to him was another puzzle he needed to solve. "Okay. But why put it on my helmet?" He asked as he pointed the said object. "Oh! I just thought it looks cute there!" Girlfriend smiled happily.

Boyfriend smiled as well. "Thanks, Girlfriend. But, are you sure you're okay without your bracelet as your shield?" Girlfriend waved her hands dismissively. "It's okay. Besides, why do you think I have two more on my upper arms?" She showed her own Ring Shields.

"Huh. I thought they were just accessories." Girlfriend just scoffed playfully. "You'd be surprised what other things I can do with these bracelets." Boyfriend was all excited again. "Really?! Can you show me?"

"Hmm... Nah. That's top secret." She giggled as Boyfriend begged for her to tell.

.

Both Boyfriend and Girlfriend just wandered together through the crowded area. Even if it's a terrible idea to Boyfriend, but Girlfriend reassured him that her people have seen different species from different planets visited and left their planet occasionally. So Boyfriend wasn't that strange to them.

But even with Girlfriend's calm words, it didn't shake the crowd staring at Boyfriend curiously before moving on. Such an awkward and intense feeling there. But that didn't stop Boyfriend from examining some weird objects. Did I said some? I meant a lot of weird object and Girlfriend had to explain them all, which was tiring.

"Boyfriend, can we rest up? My feet are starting to sore." Boyfriend was so distracted that he didn't noticed how long they were walking. Sheepishly, he agreed and now Girlfriend was the one dragging Boyfriend to a quiet spot.

As the two sat beside each other, Boyfriend huffed out his breath, which caused a fog appeared on his helmet. He chuckled and watched the fog slowly evaporated. "Thank you, Girlfriend, for teaching me the wonders of your planet."

Girlfriend smiled and said "Your welcome" to Boyfriend. There was another request from Boyfriend himself. "Hey, Girlfriend. If you don't mind, can you teach me your language you've said the first time we met?"

"You mean the [REDACTED] or to put it simply, the Beep Language? Are you sure? It's kinda complicated for someone new to it." Boyfriend looked at Girlfriend with determination. "Yeah, I do! How else am I suppose to communicate with your native language? I uh... kinda feel bad for you to speak English all day." Boyfriend bashfully scratched his lower helmet.

Girlfriend found herself admiring Boyfriend's determination even more. "Alright. I'll tell you the basics and work up from there." Boyfriend nodded excitedly and their lesson began.

.

From this point, I mentioned one of the Royal Guard found Girlfriend and reported to Daddy Dearest, or should we say [REDACTED]. [Lol I'll never get tired of using that word. I promised I'll come up with the alternative names for the Dearest family. Or maybe not. Who knows lol].

Anyway, you know what happens after that. So let's just skip to the aftermath of the first battle.

.

So, the Star Gems are scattered, right? So, how would Boyfriend travelled without a vehicle? Simple, he rides on Girlfriend's speakers. At least, that's what I think. Besides, what's a flying object use for if it's not for transportation, right?

But you know what the coolest part when taking a cruise on a flying speaker with Girlfriend? They can watch a lot of beautiful stars and dust clouds up-close. Man, I wished I can do that too.

From there, Boyfriend's continued to asked more questions to Girlfriend. And even though it's annoying sometimes, Girlfriend didn't mind. So long as she could travel longer with someone other than her parents and relearning everything about the universe.

After all, Boyfriend gave some insights on what he knew during his astronaut training and from his reading. And with a little friendly conversation about themselves even more. Oh, and Boyfriend is getting fluent with the Beep Language.

I do think they slowly develop an attraction from one another before they meet the last two battles. Boyfriend and Girlfriend told each other how their respected species act and do when they are in love.

I will explain Girlfriend's side on my upcoming fanon world-building for Girlfriend's universe. So keep an eye for that ;]

...

And that's it for today's fanon story! Wooh! I had a lot of fun creating these interaction with two people and semi their personalities as I am impromptu writing this lol.

Anyway, thank you for those who had read this far!

Have a nice day!

[innermoonlight-bhe]

Me, again, on Destiel. Please read.

I’ve been having problems all this month. And while I was self-exploring the reasons of my uneasiness, I tracked it back to 15x18. When I first watched the episode I had lots of unresolved feelings. I felt happy and at the same time really distressed. After waiting for two week for the end of Supernatural I thought those feelings would disappear but they just kept on getting stronger. I began feeling stressed and, this last two weeks, feelings just empty. I had no desire to do anythings, like I was lost. Yesterday I realized why and got me sad and mad at the same time. I don’t want to take a lot of time writing this but there are too many emotions and rational thoughts that don’t let me sleep at night. 

This is why I want to divide this text into two parts:The first one being the queerbating debate on internet. This includes the normalization of heterosexual relationships, audiences, plots and writing, marketing and advertising, and other things that have to do with t.v. industry. In specific, the rare case of CW and its treatment of the whole Supernatural family. In the second part I would like to focus on my personal experience, which I’m sure is same to most people who were left all alone in this Destiel world of disappointment. This last one you can decide to ignore or share with me. The one that i’m most interested is that you read the first part, even though it can seem a little out of context, since I’ll be referring to another tv shows of the CW.

 FIRST PART THEN OF THE DESTIEL OPINION:When I was left so sad after the queerbaiting I began watching a famous soup opera aka telenovela, called Yo soy Betty, la fea. It’s famous worldwide and I felt it like a comfort home after all the Destiel drama. It made me happy because the story plot is only one: the heterosexual couple that falls in love. Of course I’m reducing this too much, but the point is that yesterday, after I finished watching it, I realized that even though the main couple had problems at the end the audience knew they would’ve ended together. It did happen, in the anti-last episode, same as in supernatural and the Cas confession. The two further episodes centered on the happy conclusion on the story. There are clear points to establish:

Point 1:  Supernatural was born as a serious mainly centered on two heterosexual man traveling all along a country hunting monsters while looking for a father. Meanwhile a classic telenovela centers on a love couple who fight against everythings to be together; in this case it’s establish since the beginning and no one will except anything else. 

Point 2: Meanwhile telenovela’s audiences are destined to be woman, wanting to follow the classic love story; Supernatural was being male focused actually did excepted woman but also men watchers. Supernatural had a largest specter of viewers.

Point 3: Telenovelas are not willing to change the story for the audiences desires. They work with practical and classic formulas that rarely will fail. There’s no necessity to receive a feedback to complete. Supernatural and tv series, on the other hand, actually need the feedback from the viewers because on it depends their permanency on the screen. 

Supernatural needed to keep their viewers high so the show could continue. I’m gonna leave the classic telenovela out for a moment. It’s important settling this differences to approximate myself to the basic point of my madness: how unethical is the queerbaiting.The public opinion changes, and The CW having clear this is very know to keep in touch with fans wishes and needs. In the case of Jane the Virgin, a barely combination of the telenovela classic plot but in a tv series way, had a big “change” with one of their main characters: Petra. Her connection with the main character, Jane, was noted and wanted by many of the viewers. But the show’s creator knew that main plot (point 1)was a girl who accidentally gets pregnant and eventually falls in love with the love of her life, Rafael. So the show writers wouldn’t just change this main plot in order to make a couple happen, so instead they gave the public what they wanted by making Petra bisexual and introducing a perfect girl for her, also called Jane, to deliver the wish of fans. This relationship worked purely and on its on. The reactions with Petra bisexuality were low, and they took care of it as if it was something normal and not anything that needed satanizing. No one could be expected to freak, not even Petra’s twins. Even though the first seasons Petra only had male relationships. This is a good thing that The CW did, but they didn’t do this out of the goodness of their heart: they did it for views and for the audience (point 2). Jane the virgin was also planned to have female audiences and to treat serious social issues respecting sexuality and love. This is why it didn’t came as a surprise. 

Then why did Destiel couldn’t happen? Because the CV is homophobic? Probably there’s some of this in it, but the reality it’s they weren’t giving up on the part of the audience that is actually homophobic, or that at least won’t feel comfortable watching a heterosexual character discover himself as bi. The thing of the audiences is important because the “ambiguity” in which Cas’ confession was treated worked perfectly for them: it gave exactly the sufficient enough to keep us happy, meaning while keeping the perfect amount of “friendship”. So anyone can take whatever they want for the story. By this part I understand why they wanted to deal with this confession in an ambiguous way: to please everybody. But why did they wanted to please everybody? It wasn’t out of kindness of their heart, it was for views.The whole queerbaiting debate has being on the tables for a long time but we also ignore the unethical implications on it. It has been used by many contemporary media, to hint at something that the producers are not expecting to happen any time. And even though, they keep on teasing us. This is highly unethical because the reason behind them is the accumulation of money. Supernatural survived because of Destiel. I resisted myself to say this because I had respect for the series until I stopped watching around season 10. The story and plots were doom, repetitive and boring at times. We keep watching for the emotions caused by the supernatural family. Not only Destiel but Sam and all of the characters. The original plot explained in the point 1 was lost and blurred, we were far away from that premise and that was why the finale episode feel just bad. 

The show had chances to grow without losing the origina plot but also confronting change and accept that sometimes, things must pass and you have to move. Destiel was an important support of the show, the views and year after year renovation of the series. Pointing at the queerbaiting has lost its meaning if we forgot why they do it, why they keep on doing this even though it makes us feel bad. This affects the shows work in perspective because it changes the plot and natural progression of the story. For the queerbaiting, they have scenes that are forgotten next episodes like they never happened. I’m a literature student and the first thing they say to us is that a scene, even a word, should be taken so seriously that it actually work on the long road of the story. In Destiel we have beautiful, all heart breaking scenes of Cas and Dean being romantic, closed, just in love. The Dean’s confession were he admitted to the priest he wanted to experience new things, the Castiel’s love confession, and others are an example of how this scenes have a space in the show but are still isolated from the original story. They don’t play a part in the bigger image. That’s why we don’t see Dean talk to Sam about Cas, this is why they are so many Destiel plots left unsolved. I have a small memory of an old lady assuring Dean that he’s in love, even though we haven’t seen in a long time a female in Dean’s life (Dean, who the first four seasons flirted with e v e r y woman he met.  Because producers and writers can let this scenes happen as long as it doesn’t change the main characters. Even, they are willing to let us think that Cas could be bi but Dean isn’t, by not having him say anything after Cas says I love you. And to be honest, we didn’t except much. 

We knew that we were clowning and it’s not like we excepted a love making scene from those two. We raised our expectations after 15x18 and not after. A lot of us were waiting on the finale to bring joy even though we never actually imagined it would go canon. 15x18 lifted expectations very few had and that lots, myself for instance, returned to watch after hearing Destiel was semi-canon. It brought back feelings, I got to rewatch supernatural to enter the atmosphere once again... So it was perfect for the CW. On one hand, the biggest queerbaiting on history gave them back for 15x19 and 15x20 all the fandom they had lost for the previous queerbaiting and tiredness of waiting. And also, they keep the antis and the homophobe watching. It was perfectly staged and nothing else was expecting. Something similar happen with Jane the virgin. With the death of Michael (I rather shipped more Jane with Michael) a lot of fans stopped watching. This was planned since the beginning and they actually gave us a fake death and then the real one. I actually stopped watching one season of Jane the virgin after his death because I was devastated, even though since the beginning everything pointed at Jane ending up with Rafael. Her connection with Michael was lovely and pure love. But after killing him off they wrote the relationship of Jafael so perfectly, not rushed or anything: it developed in a way that her relationship with Michael was intact but finished by death. It was a hard punch but at the end we ended up to accept her relationship with Rafael because of the clear progression between the characters. But, at the end of the series, at the last season they decided it was good idea to bring Michael back from the death and have her chose Rafael, after all of the progress It took for her to forget Michael. The changed her and all of the perspective of love changed for the show. It made thing that soul mates don’t exist, that all the love Jane felt for Michael disappear after having a whole season of her suffering for her lost, after she wrote her first book for him. It would’ve been so much better for the story if Michael stayed death. 

So the things is it’s not only queerbaiting on homosexual couples, but the whole idea that they need to have a huge audiences watching their last seasons. I returned to watch Jane the virgin excepting for Michael. This awful thing they do. Just for views and gain of capital bothers me and its what makes me angry. In the case of Supernatural it’s also a topic of homophobia and the fear that the homophobia of a few will ruin the views of series finales. An as I considere the unethical implications is why I would love to have them apologize to us. It’s like a person promising the stars and stopping you to move on, while they know nothing will happen. They use us as numbers to gain money and attention. The decision that I and a lot of people took to unfollow all of The CW accounts is no radical. It’s a little if we take into account all of the money they made from the unethical queerbaiting. It causes me a lot of anger and actually feel like a I need an apology because I felt used and dirty. This is the fault of the industry and the CW has a fame of doing so.

 PART 2: 

This will be little in comparison. Now I want to get to the sad sentimental part. I felt all empty because four years ago that I stopped watching I also stopped talking to the love of my life. Hearing about Destiel had me going back to moments. I even desired to talk to him again to tell him that I wasn’t all wrong. Destiel wasn’t platonic or an illusion. it has clearly staged to makes us think it could happen. It’s not the story of an angel who falls for a human, that gives everything up for him, that loves him. After his confession is the story of unrequited love. Dean never says it back and it’s a feeling that a lot of people have suffered. To love someone and not having them saying them back, of the relationship that never ends but at the end it’s one of the most important. This one I talked about I never dated, I never kissed, but he’s the man i’ve loved the most in my life. Having Castiel saying I love you and never receiving anything back, giving his life and no one saving him, it’s just heartbreaking for all of us who have constantly giving everything without expecting anything in return. At the same time it’s the story of a a couple that never happens but that should have. The same reflexion as always: if it were heterosexual it would’ve happen long time ago. But it also happens in real life, that if time alined, if things were in other way relationships would’ve happen with people in our lives.I had a lot of more feelings for Destiel, but that would be for another time. Right now I just realized why made me, personally, feed angry and sad. I realized I was a Cas to someone else. I realized I was used by a network. The queerbaiting actually has psychology repercussion on us, and it’s something they fail to understand. Accepting that I was affected by a tv show took me a hard time. I didn’t know how to explain to others why this had me absence for week, I thought I was ridiculous and week. I felt bad but know I realized I’m not wrong. It’s not my fault but it’s years of messing with out feelings on purpose. Some day i’ll write an essay on this. I have to much to say but I end it with this:

The media manipulates our emotions and doesn’t take any responsibility whatsoever. 

Don’t trust the media.

(Sorry for the bad english, I’m mexican. But at least Destiel is canon in my language). 

[nightwingmyboi]

I find Roy and Dick both having commitment issues so interesting because they seem to go about them differently. Dick tries to tie people to him (getting engaged when relationships get rough), and if that fails, then he runs, finds a new group of friends, and starts over. Roy doesn't let himself get tied down (prior to Lian) ever as a way to avoid commitment. It's just such a cool way to see similar issues regarding abandonment and commitment be approached in such different ways.

You bring up interesting ideas—comparing Dick and Roy’s attitudes in this way is very intriguing and something I hadn’t thought of before. But, to be honest, I kind of don’t agree with the idea that Dick and Roy have commitment issues? I’ve seen people say that before, but it doesn’t really click for me. 

I know I may be in the minority here but I’ve always thought that Dick’s problem is quite the opposite—that he commits himself to too many things way too fully. He gives 100% to working with Batman, and to the Bludhaven police force, and to the Titans, and to whatever other obligations he has at the time, so much so that he over extends himself to the point of exhaustion and collapse. 

New Teen Titans #28

Titans Secret Files #1

Really, I just don’t get how Dick could possibly have commitment issues when he has devoted himself to so many teams: the JLA, the Titans, the Outsiders, even the Birds of Prey to an extent. Dick was known as the linchpin of the DCU; he had relationships with practically everyone. He doesn’t shy away from forming connections. There are so many examples I could give, but a good place to look at in particular would be Tim and Dick’s relationship. Dick specifically reached out to Tim to form a relationship even though he didn’t have to. He treated Tim like a brother, and he made himself available whenever Tim was struggling and needed him (like when Tim was struggling with Stephanie’s pregnancy, with the temptation to bring back his dead loved ones, with suicidal thoughts, etc.) Dick put a lot of work into forming and maintaining their relationship. 

JLA (1997) #121

And just look at his relationship with Batman as well...even when things are rocky between them, whenever Bruce asks for Nightwing’s help, Nightwing will bend over backwards in order to deliver. He is extremely loyal to Bruce, most of the time at great personal cost. 

Batman #416

And let's be real here; Batman is emotionally distant the majority of the time, and if Nightwing didn’t reach out to Batman the two of them would not even really have a relationship! They would not talk lmao. Nightwing is the one who is committed to their relationship; he does all of the emotional labor so Bruce doesn’t have to. Nightwing gives a lot for very little in return, but he still keeps giving. 

And this is not just with the Batfam...he is very consistently there for the Titans. When Donna needs help discovering who she is and where she came from before Wonder Woman entered her life, Dick is the one to help her investigate. When Roy is desperate and needs help retrieving Lian from Cheshire, Dick is the one to beat Cheshire and reunite Roy with Lian. And Dick and Starfire were a couple for years, through lots of ups and downs, and very nearly married. These are not the actions of someone who is afraid to commit, lmao. Dick goes above and beyond for his relationships. 

I think that maybe Dick has a reputation for “running away” as you say because of the fact that he moves around quite a bit: he goes to California with the Titans, and then he’s a vigilante in New York, and then Chicago, and then Bludhaven, and so on. It can make him seem flighty. But @bigskydreaming has has a post about that here, and I very much agree with what he has to say. Dick’s tendency to move around doesn’t strike me as avoidance, but rather a holdover from his life at the circus. Growing up at Haly’s, Dick would constantly have been traveling. A circus is a business, so whenever things would get bad in a particular location for whatever reason, the circus would just move onward and forward. Halys wasn’t abandoning anything with this move, or running away, it was simply moving on in hopes that elsewhere things will be better. It is not at all surprising that Dick would have that same mindset in his own life. When tragedy strikes, instead of getting bogged down by all the bad, Dick tends to try and move forward. It’s one of the things I enjoy most about him, one of the things that distinguishes him from Batman. And one of the best ways to move on is to change things up: 

And a good way to mix things up is to relocate. It’s not like location should matter that much to Dick. Even when he moves he can and does always go back to doing the exact same thing he’s committed his entire life to doing—fighting crime. His family has the resources of a billionaire, his friends are superheroes who can fly and run faster than the speed of light, and it's not like he throws away his phone/communicator...he is not even slightly out of reach so he’s not really running away from his friends/family...and oftentimes he ends up confronting the problems he was supposedly running away from regardless of his physical location. And the JLA has a teleporter. He can be anywhere he needs to be in an instant, so why does he need to stay in one spot? I don’t really see him living on the move as him running away.

And I don’t read as much about Roy I admit, so I won’t be able to give as many specific examples, but it seems to be a similar thing with him too. After Roy’s father died, he was raised by Brave Bow. And then Brave Bow died, and he was raised by Ollie. It seems to me that his early life had little stability; he was passed from one person to the next and was always having to adjust to drastically different ways of life. In addition, a lot of his formative years were spent with the Navajo—a semi nomadic people. Roy’s Navajo upbringing very much influenced his outlook on life, so it would not be a surprise that he picked up their mindset of living somewhat on the move as well. And after spending his youth in flux, it really doesn’t surprise me at all that Roy isn’t tied down to places or jobs. Roy just wasn’t raised with a way of life that prioritizes settling down in one location, and for the most part he didn’t really have a choice but to move from one life to the next. But I don’t think any of that is representative of having commitment issues. Roy is very committed to Lian, as you mentioned, but even before that he was pretty much willing to do anything for the Titans. He has a really close relationship with Canary. And even in instances where I feel like Roy would be justified in “running away” or taking a step back, Roy usually attempts to preserve and repair his relationships, like with Ollie and Jade. Even after Ollie responded poorly upon discovering his addiction, Roy still eventually reconciled with him, and Roy tries to have a relationship with Jade despite all the difficulties that come with that: 

I know that characters sometimes accuse Dick and Roy as having issues with commitment, and I can see where you are coming from anon, but I just don’t really think that they do when you look at the majority of the actions they take lmao. You mention issues with abandonment? I can see that more, considering that Bruce has fired Dick twice before for making mistakes (once with Two Face and the other time with Joker) and Ollie has canonically neglected his relationship Roy in the past, instead focusing on his love life. Really, I think the greater underlying issue for both of these characters is the fact that they both have pretty low self-esteem and don’t want to be a burden to those they love. But that is really a whole other post, this one is already too long! 

To summarize, in my opinion, Dick is someone who lives for connection, and someone who is incredibly dedicated and loyal to his friends and family. He has known that he wanted to be a hero since he was a kid, and he has remained committed to that goal for basically the entirety of his life. Similarly, Roy is very dedicated to his family and friends, and is willing to go to incredible lengths for the people important to him. He values his relationships enough to forgive almost anything. Neither of these characters strike me as people who have troubles committing to things; they strike me as characters who commit to causes and people with everything they’ve got. 

Thanks for telling me your perspective anon! You gave me a lot to think about.

EDIT: thanks @milfzatannazatara for the clarification about Roy! Ollie technically didn’t kick Roy out of the house, since he was an adult and had already moved out. 

[deathvsthemaiden]

ok wait after u sent me that ask i have to know ur top books!!! dw if u don't feel like it but i would love to hear them 🌷

This is so sweet and considerate! Thank you Eva, you gave me 5 so I’ll try to keep it to that # as well 💖🐰 off the top of my head:

🌷 The Stormlight Archive series, especially the second book, Words of Radiance. Stormlight is like 4 books + 2 novellas right now, and is projected to be 10 books and ???novellas eventually. And on top of that each main book is 1000+ pages and while you can read Stormlight on its own, most of the other books by the author, Brandon Sanderson, are part of this larger fictional universe called the cosmere. Each series takes place on a different planet, and if you are invested in the whole cosmere, there’s Easter egg references to other series in other series. So like! While I rec these books often, most people understandably don’t take me up on it wgshshh 🤭 Sanderson’s non-Stormlight books are all MUCH shorter but also much more flawed imo. Like I wouldn’t count him among my favorite authors were it not for Stormlight. anyway I’m a die hard fantasy fan so the length didn’t deter me, and I picked these up because a friend told me the world building in these books was genuinely unique instead of the typical very lazy maps composed of like. Fantasy Russia and its hostile mysterious neighbors Fantasy General East Asia and Fantasy Africa lol. and she was right! The world building is exquisite and refreshing and almost every character is canonically of color. They live in a society with an eye color based caste system and it’s.., so hard to sum up this massive series with four main characters and a ridiculous(ly fun) amount of plot lines, so I’ll cut this short and say 1) the first book, The Way of Kings, is highly expository but the ending is so so worth it, and if you enjoy the ending you’ll find merit in continuing with the series 2) Words of Radiance is my favorite book so far partially because I haven’t read the newest, Rhythm of War, yet, and also because it’s the book with the most scenes that solidified Kaladin Stormblessed (one of the main characters) as one of my favorites of all time. Another one of the best things about this series is how Brandon Sanderson portrays mental health in very natural ways, and it makes Kaladin’s growth so incredibly soothing to follow (I MEAN. He has low points that sometimes hit too close to home, but it makes you root for him harder) he really is just. Truly my definition of a hero, if we wanna get cheesy about it, and I had to pick one solid example. I love him so much this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg as to why 😭!

🌷Jane Eyre. Silly frivolous teenaged girl that I am this book swept me off my feet when I first read it and I condone every problematic aspect of it❤️ (I DONT ofc but like! I love drama and being played like a fiddle by narratives and the book delivered on both fronts! And it couldn’t have without its unsavory plot twist soooo 😙💖) (the hate this book and especially one specific character gets is funny to me just because like. Hate for the former (imo) usually stems from people taking the book too seriously while simultaneously missing the point (JE and du Maurier’s Rebecca (highly influenced by the former) are oft considered loose Bluebeard retellings for a reasonnnn!) and hate for the latter is usually just like. Warranted and then taken over the top like... he’s just a fake funny little man you guys :( and the book would’ve been boring if he wasn’t so twisted and out of touch and passionate ): not to mention I do personally in a mean ish way think it’s funny how for some people this character is one of the worst examples of men they can imagine. Like good for Them! I don’t want them to have lower standards for horribleness in people But also omg 🤭 it just reminds me of how... irony of all ironies, I’m semi frequently told I’m too harsh on real life men and then when I love twisted ones in books (for being funny and entertaining and good solid characters) I like. get the most interesting side eyes (whether figurative or literal) bwjswnhshe anyway I have nothing against Austen, I definitely enjoy her, but from what I’ve read so far, I prefer the Brontës a lot more... I need adventure! Show me horror show me rot etc etc❤️ also I’m. A stupid sucker so the fact that the book was Charlotte Brontë’s attempt to write a plain looking lady protagonist and to make her praiseworthy and virtuous and worthy of spellbinding romance makes me... 💗💓💕

🌷Keturah and Lord Death — Martine Leavitt. I haven’t seen it officially stated anywhere but to me it’s p clear this book is a retelling of/highly inspired by Godfather Death (the Grimm tale) Very simple, predictable but effective plot, and the characters are just. So much fun. From my url you can probably tell I love stories in which women (or anyone but you know. Death and the Maiden is its own trope for a reason) outsmart/face off against death. If they also k*ss, when done right, I think that’s swell as well.

🌷A Thousand Splendid Suns — Khalid Hosseini. By far the heaviest book I will mention in this ask, and I don’t rec it willy nilly for that and a few other reasons. It’s a forever fave to me because I read it at the exact right time in my life, where I was like... noticing a ton of things irl and things at home were tumultuous, and when I saw very similar things unfold in this book while I was being silenced and made to feel crazy by the adults around me, it meant so much to me to see reality as I was experiencing it in real time reflected back at me via this novel. The context of the story is wildly different from my own life and the stakes the characters face are far higher, and it is if I remember right mostly a novel about the horrors of war, which isn’t something I pretend to have any firsthand experience with, but! It was legitimately cathartic to read when I read it, and it especially meant a lot to me at the time that the author was a grown man. Not to mention how my mother is not and never has been a reader, and somehow the one and only book I ever managed to get her to read was this. Hilariously she got mad at me for only (“only”) reading depressing things (there’s... a grain of truth to that but she doesn’t need to know! 🤫) but also... she was hooked I could tell! (I got all tmi explaining this one gag I’m so sorry)

🌷A Slight Trick of the Mind — Mitch Cullin. Retirement-era Holmes! Holmes as an old man! A sad old man who keeps bees!! It’s the novel the movie Mr. Holmes was based off of (haven’t seen it yet) and I was not expecting it to get me all sentimental like it did 🤨😪 but anyway it’s like. A prolonged character study and explores some of the most interesting (to me, anyway) parts of Holmes that are only lightly touched upon in canon, like his occasionally huge follies when navigating his few close relationships and how he copes with them afterwards, his fatigue at the random injustice of the world, how he’s often mistaken both by characters that surround him and people irl as a man without feelings, etc etc. like there’s no Dr. Watson or Mrs. Hudson in this book, and the people he interacts with are almost entirely original characters, but as I listened to the audiobook it barely occurred to me to miss Watson and Hudson (I know! 😦) and the author’s original characters interacted with Holmes so believably that I sometimes forgot they weren’t ever Doyle’s. Def recommend to any flexible Holmes fan that’s not a total stickler for canon (though you don’t actually have to know much about Holmes to read this book and enjoy it! 🐝)

🌷Sleepless — Sarah Vaughn + Leila del Luca. I began with the longest book, so let me end with the shortest. It’s a 2 volume long graphic novel series and that it’s so short is the only long standing, legitimate complaint I have of it! Gorgeous art, really effectively written romance, a dark skinned girl who gets to be the proactive, lively protagonist and stunning, pined after love interest at the same time, a cast of characters that is majority of color, the perfect %-age of drama and angst etc etc. if you can find it via your library or online or smth, you can knock it out in one sitting and leave the experience eternally altered in the funnest way 👁👄👁

Honorable mentions: The Botany of Desire — Michael Pollan, Troubling Love — Elena Ferrante, The Girl from the Garden — Parnaz Foroutan

[petriichvrs]

ONE  YEAR  OF  NOXTMS  /  five  dyanmics  with  two  bonus  !

more thoughts / information under the cut ! 

001.   𝐃𝐔𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐘 𝐃𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘  &  𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘.   ( @ddudleys )

every single day, i think about this pair & just how unexpectedly ... brilliant they are. i hope by now my love of dudley is just very apparent, but if it ISN’T - i love his character so, so much, and i think you’re an incredibly talented person for being able to give him this whole personality and existence beyond the end of the books that fits with his canon so well and still gives him his chance to be a good person. dudley & ginny bonding following the war, attending support group together ... ginny telling him wildly incorrect things about the world for a laugh, the fact they have TOTALLY bonded even more over both being sports people, the moment where they held hands at grimmauld place, everything after ... jesus christ ! i can never ever be eloquent enough to express the way they make me feel, and the way that any new little insight into their dynamic be it by meme or by thread just makes them that bit more real to me, but i’m so grateful for this funky pair, and you better know it ! 

002.   𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐔𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘  &  𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘.  ( @dolors  )

tell me a year ago that someday i’d actually care about the malfoy family and i’d have FOUGHT you over it - at no point did i ever expect to pick up narcissa, and after i did, i never expected to get such a complex and amazingly thought out lucius to write opposite of. i still remember the moment where blo and i realised you were going to bring him, and the EXCITEMENT we felt at the fact that this individual i already knew semi okay who was writing such an excellent interpretation on hermione was going to bring us a character who can be so polarising, in a lot of ways. the hope ? the willingness to die for you immediately, simply because you were going to DO it ? cherry i cannot believe there was ever a time where we were not friends in the way we are now, and i REALLY can’t remember an instance where i didn’t have malfam + lucissa to get me through my day. they’re my emotional support morally grey family who think of themselves first & foremost and everyone else after, okay ? lucius is a lot of things, and you do such a good job at writing ( and acknowleding ) them, but inside the walls of malfoy manor he’s narcissa’s honey bunch with an unhealthy emotional attachment for his peacocks & brilliant taste in erotica novels for their next book club session. 

003.   𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐙𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐍𝐈  &  𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘.  ( @ofzvbini )​

mozzie, let’s not cut straws on this one : holy fuck. holy JESUS. holy moley. all the holys. here is the thing - my love for blaise zabini as a character / concept and my appreciation for the blaise/ginny dynamic that could exist had NEVER gotten to be mutually exclusive until you came along. never ! it wasn’t something to feel hard done by, or anything, but... i kinda do, now, but for a different reason, which is that you’ve set the bar for characters SO HIGH in general and i’m never ever going to be able to find another interpretation of blaise that even remotely lives up to yours, nor do i think that anyone will ever be on the such a similar wavelength to me, when it comes this connection. the energy all around is just utterly UNMATCHED, and the fact that... even just rereading our replies from the last event to get this excerpt, i realised i wanted so badly to reply again right now immediately, because the sparring of their words and lets be honest, the PALPABLE sexual tension going on in that thread was so genuinely fun and entertaining. i just think you knock it out of the park so consistently with your characters and the connections you write with them. i could have said any of our dynamics - luna + ginny, luna + nazli, luna + narcissa, eulalia + niko, blaise + merry, blaise + narcissa, blaise + niko - YOU GET THE PIC ! i love u moz. please marry me under the moonlight i think it would be very romantic-

004.   𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑  &  𝐍𝐈𝐊𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐅.  ( @pclearwaters )

i want in on record that penny clearwater is the love of my life, actually. i want it on fuckin RECORD, because the love i have for this character who gets paid nothing but DIRT in the series all because you took her up & gave her this whole life and character and storyline that made her into... like, a real person ? who makes me feel sometimes ... just very sad, but who also brings me such joy. penny & niko are another example of that fun little thing we do where we throw these totally different characters together and then see what happens ( usually the most perfect of unexpected friendships ). i loved the last thread we did between them most, because it was one of the first chances i had ever gotten to showcase that a side of niko not really seen so often, and his confusion at penny’s genuine beautific happiness was just ... really fun to write and get into. i truly think you do such a good job with penny, and i love the dedication you have to the clearwaters, full stop. here’s to many more of their weird lil interactions ! 

005.   𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘  &  𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘. ( @blondsnake )

six months ago, they were one of the dynamics i chose to talk about in the original meme. when i did it that time, the excerpt i chose was : “i’m sorry,” he tells her, voice cracking, and he doesn’t know what he’s sorry for anymore. for the sins of his father? for ginny’s ruined childhood? for the fact that he is draco malfoy, and not someone else? & the REASON i chose them was at the time we wrote that thread, it felt very... real and raw and human, to me. it felt like we were exposing a nerve. the malfoy / weasley dynamic is expanded on so much when it comes to every other weasley, and ginny’s interaction with the family she has so much of a history with, with the son of the person who really took a key role in what she went through as an eleven year old, was just... so non-existent that getting to touch on it in the way we did felt...  incredbly important, and i remember the thread best for setting the continued tone. 

i’m choosing them now because i never, at any point, thought that we would end up where we are right now. i spend a lot of time, now, thinking about them - i can’t believe i never realised just how similar they were as people, and just how much possibility existed between them, because so much does, and every time we talk more about them, i come away with the feeling that this is a connection that’s like once in a lifetime esque, and i’m SO lucky that i’m writing it with you. you know ? you’re an incredibly talented writer who has four incredibly well thought out characters, and i love that i get to write with them all, because ALL of them are a treat to write with. i always wanna hear your thoughts, i always wanna hear your ideas and concepts, i always love the posts you send me and the things we joke about - almost as much as i love the things we don’t. that first night we realised what we had here came from utter meme and became something very very important to me. i’m always thinking about ‘he gives her a long look’. if you know you know, you know ? !  

006.   𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐇𝐎𝐕  &  𝐍𝐈𝐊𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐅. ( @rcveuse )

saz, i know we’ve only gotten the one thread started so far, and they’re newer... but can i just say, i’m really really glad that you decided to come back to nox, and i’m even more glad that when you did you picked up those specific connections of mine, because they were some of my FAVORITE ones on the page & had never really gotten their dues ? the niko one in particular, that amelia is filling - i remember writing it because i wanted him to have moments of his life that were happy, and the best way i could think to showcase his emotional side was via someone he loved for real. i always said niko loved fiercely and was just as fiercely loyal, but i hadn’t gotten the chance to write it, because he’s a character so difficult to put into positions where he would. he takes a long time to fully bond to people. even after he does... he’s just. odd. it was a v important connection to me, and i love amelia so much, already, and can see exactly what existed in her that he fell for when he did. i’m so excited to write them more, and i can’t wait to see where the dynamic that exists now goes ! 

006.   𝐊𝐀𝐄𝐋𝐀 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐅  &  𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄. ( @taciiturns )

i love kaela. i know we know this. i know i’ve said it so many times, and i know i’m going to say it again, a million times more - but i really do love mikaela karkaroff, and i already had the niko connection, so i really shouldn’t have been greedy, but.... i didn’t imagine what’s come to exist between kaela & merry at ALL. it’s a very interesting dynamic built from very simple beginnings, and it’s become one of my most enduring merry connections - i think it made her more of a person, and i totally have you to thank for it. they’re such different people from such similar worlds, with such an interest in one another that i have such a difficult time explaining - IT WORKS, it so works, but it works in a way where i kinda have to admit i never even expected it, and i feel like i’m learning more and more about it with merry. that’s a very fun sort of connection to write when it’s with someone who loves their character as much as you do kaela, and i’m endlessly interested in where it’ll go ! 

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG191!

- Martin and Jon were sleeping together, or close to each other… Not a surprise, but eh, it’s the first time we heard them sleep!

(Sound-wise, I heard the bag jostle on multiple occasions when Martin was moving – including when he jolted awake. Does it mean he was sleeping with the bag on, ready to run away with Jon in case of sudden danger…?)

- Sobbing a bit about Martin’s bad dreams – he also had those back at the Cabin, at the beginning of the season, and Jon had pointed out, back then, that he couldn’t really sleep:

(MAG161) MARTIN: You should get some sleep. [CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: I… [SIGH] can’t. I–I–I can’t, I–I don’t think I do anymore… “Sleep”. [EXHALE] How long’s it been, now? MARTIN: I don’t know. It’s not like there are days to count anymore. All the clocks have stopped, and… [DISTANT HOWL] ARCHIVIST: Well, I haven’t yet. I get… tired, but it doesn’t feel the same. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] Probably for the best. Sleep doesn’t look… pleasant. MARTIN: Nnno, it’s… it’s not. ARCHIVIST: I couldn’t wake you. […] MARTIN: Well, just as well I don’t remember my dreams. ARCHIVIST: I do. MARTIN: Uh– What? ARCHIVIST: They… I see most of the suffering around here. When it’s quiet, it just… it’s like… I can see it, like I’m watching all of it.

(MAG191) [SOME AGITATION MOVEMENTS, AND MARTIN AWAKES WITH A START] MARTIN: … eh, eh, EH! Eh! [BAG JOSTLING] … Wh… [LOUD BREATHS] … Jon? [TURNS OVER TO CHECK] [SURPRISED] Ah, argh! Stop it! Jon! [THE ARCHIVIST WAKES UP] ARCHIVIST: [MUZZILY] Mm, what? What? […] Bad dream? MARTIN: Is there any other kind? ARCHIVIST: Fair.

That was a bittersweet throwback… Is it because of the overall anxiety? Is it because it’s another way the Fears prey on people? Jon introduced the domains as “nightmares”, at first – it’s quite interesting that actual nightmares still exist in a place that is semi-protected from the rest of the world.

With the parallel with the Cabin, I’m once again wondering whether the tunnels are a kind of domain on their own, and feeding from people in a different way…? We seem to be getting the same situation of Martin suffering from nightmares while Jon doesn’t sleep normally, and back then, they hadn’t been aware (at first) that the Cabin was actually trapping them and preying on them…

- First time Martin mentioned that he’s aware of Jon’s dreams, I think?

(MAG191) MARTIN: Speaking of, how are your dreams? [INHALE] I know they used to be… y’know, complicated. ARCHIVIST: I don’t know. I don’t really remember them anymore. Honestly, it’s not… really even sleep these days? I can only do it when I’m disconnected from… well, everything, and i–it’s more like… You know that feeling when you’re right on the edge of falling asleep? Not quite dreaming but not aware of stuff either? MARTIN: Huh! So, like, standby mode then? ARCHIVIST: [SOFT LAUGH] I suppose!

He was aware that Jess Tyrell was seeing Jon in her dreams, but I don’t recall any mention of Jon’s own dreams – Daisy and Jon had discussed about it and Basira knew it would happen with Floyd, but Martin hadn’t been around in season 4. Did Jon explain it to him when they eloped to Scotland (or at some point during season 5), or did Martin listen to Elias’s tape from MAG120 describing Jon’s dreams?

I had wondered about Jon’s victims and dreams in season 5, too! We’ve seen with Jordan that having given Jon a statement didn’t give them a special status in the apocalypse, nor did it get them stuck all together in a specific domain – Jordan was stuck in a Corruption one, for example. (Is it because technically, in the apocalypse, everyone is beheld by Jon in a way?)

- Rare confirmation of something being visibly off with Jon and having to do with eyes!

(MAG191) MARTIN: It’s fine, I was… I was just startled. ARCHIVIST: Hm…? MARTIN: We’ve not been many places you can sleep, so I– ARCHIVIST: So, what? MARTIN: You were sleeping with your eyes open again. ARCHIVIST: Ah… Right. MARTIN: [SIGH] J–just… took me by surprise. […] Oh, you’d… just completely conk out. Eyes open, obviously, ‘cos god forbid the creepy ever stops entirely, heh! But– ARCHIVIST: Thank you. MARTIN: –you’d… just be dead to the world. I actually got a bit worried, once or twice, but… you always woke up fine. … You said you didn’t dream. You sounded pretty happy about it too. ARCHIVIST: I imagine I was…!

So, Jon keeps his eyes open when sleeping, used to also do that at Salesa’s… so even with his connection with The Eye cut, a few oddities remain.

The description of Jon as in “standby” with his eyes open is a tinyyy bit terrifying indeed (doll just waiting to move again?), and probably very sad for Martin… after Jon’s “coma” following season 3, when his heart wasn’t beating. Since we’ve heard Martin beg for Jon to wake up (and he did admit that he felt like he had lost “everything” back then), there is something absolutely heartwrenching in the idea of Martin seeing Jon unmoving, and probably thinking Jon has died or is gone in a way, again…? (We’ve heard with the beginning of the episode that Martin’s reaction was to panic over it, indeed ;;)

- Aaah, Jon asking again about details of what happened at Upton House was so precious and sad…

(MAG181) [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: Ah… Pity. MARTIN: What? ARCHIVIST: It’s, uh… It’s going away. That… peace; the, the safety, the memory of ignorance… MARTIN: That’s… [INHALE] Yeah, I guess that makes sense. [STATIC FADES] Do you… remember any of it? Wha–what Salesa said? Annabelle? ARCHIVIST: Some. I–I think. It’s, uh… Do you mind filling me in? MARTIN: Wait, you need me to tell you something for once? ARCHIVIST: I guess so! It’s, uh… It’s gone. Like a dream. … What was it like? MARTIN: … [SIGH] Nice. It was… It was really nice.

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: … What was I like at Salesa’s?

And it’s nice that Jon asked Martin information about Upton to be able to make the comparison with the tunnels. There is a form of trust, asking Martin to recall those things?

- And the concept of ~remembering~ was Martin’s cue to confirm that Celia was indeed Lynne!

(MAG191) MARTIN: [FAINT CHUCKLE] … Hey, I… [BAG JOSTLING] I meant to ask. Do you recognise that woman, Celia? ARCHIVIST: Hum… no, I, I don’t… think so – why? MARTIN: I… I’d swear she gave a statement once. ARCHIVIST: What statement? I don’t… remember anything. Wh… Not down here at least.

Later, the episode answered a question I got at this point: given Jon’s inability to remember Lynne at all, did it mean that Jon hadn’t listened to her statement, or that he had trouble remembering because of the tunnels interfering with his connection with The Eye? But later, Jon did remember about MAG053’s statement, so it really does sound like he hadn’t listened to Lynne’s statement at all and couldn’t remember it through mundane means (while he might have been able to “know” about her if he had been outside, without the tunnels’ protection). It’s curious, since season 3 had made a point that Jon was listening to “all he tapes” including recordings by the other assistants:

(MAG113) MARTIN: I mean… it wasn’t actually paranoia, though, was it? Because, they were out to get you. ARCHIVIST: I suppose that they were. MELANIE: Wasn’t a great time back here, either. ARCHIVIST: Oh, god, Melanie, of course. I’m… I’m sorry. If I’d known that Ivy Meadows was– MELANIE: What?! You’d have told me? Let me learn from one of your statements instead of from Elias? I don’t see that changing anything. ARCHIVIST: Even so, I… am… I’m sorry.

(MAG114) TIM: … You listened to it, then? My statement. ARCHIVIST: I listened to all the tapes. I, I had no idea how much of a… a mess I left this place in, I–I–I’m sorry. TIM: Bit of an invasion of privacy. ARCHIVIST: I assume that’s a joke?

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them. E–except Elias, obviously, that’s not–, I mean… I’ve listened to the tapes. [DRY CHUCKLE] I’ve listened to the tape! I–I know what they talk about behind my back, how much they’ve… suffered, because of… [INHALE] this place… because of me. … God. Poor Melanie…

Was it because Lynne’s tape was mislabelled (since Martin thought it was probably a fake story)? Was it because something hid that specific tape from Jon…?

Additional detail: at that point in time (MAG100), it means that Martin couldn’t tell whether live statements were true or not! Sasha hadn’t sounded surprised when Jon had told her he could feel whether some were “real” ones or not, back in MAG039, but it’s interesting that in season 3, Elias had basically given over the statements-reading over to the assistants “to make up for the shortfall”, and yet they were apparently still unable to evaluate whether it was a real statement or not. (They did feel the consequences, however! Martin and Melanie commented about the toll it took on them.)

- Martin’s summary of Lynne’s statement, though.

(MAG191) MARTIN: It was… [MUMBLES SOMETHING SOFTLY] … I thought she was making stuff up! Heh! I gave her some money. ARCHIVIST: Why? MARTIN: Sh–she asked. ARCHIVIST: R–right.

We know, Martin. We know, it was so painful to listen to.

(MAG100) LYNNE: I mean, just, just, my friend Gav said that, y’know, you guys… you need stories, and you need people to come forward, so… MARTIN: Yeah, yeah… LYNNE: And you… kind of… You pay up people for their ghost stories, so… MARTIN: Oh! Er, ah… [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] I, I think there might be a bit of a, er, er, mis–miscommunication here– LYNNE: Oh! Oh, right, okay. MARTIN: Yeah. Yeah… We don’t actually, um… er, we don’t pay for, pay for statements. LYNNE: Right. MARTIN: This is, this is more, a, er, documenting process than… er, we don’t use these for, um, for stuff outside of– LYNNE: Okay. MARTIN: –r–r–records. Ahh. I’m really sorry. Er… LYNNE: Oh. I mean, I mean, that’s why I– Er, no, y’know, okay, but that’s fine. [MOMENTS OF EMBARRASSED MUMBLINGS] MARTIN: Er… Um… Y’know what… Sorry. Um. Let’s see what I’ve got… [MOURNFUL SOUNDS OF MARTIN’S LOOSE CHANGE] I mean, I’ve got… I mean… get a coffee, I… LYNNE: Y’know what? You’re, you’re all right. MARTIN: No, no, please, please? I… LYNNE: Oh, all right. MARTIN: Y’know, er… LYNNE: Thanks, thanks. MARTIN: … like, like a macchiato, or… LYNNE: Mm. MARTIN: I mean, maybe not that much. LYNNE: Okay, so, um… Just the way out… [TRANSFER OF COINS] MARTIN: Yeah. LYNNE: … The way I came in? MARTIN: Yeah, please. If that’s… yeah.

I love that Jon sounded at an absolute loss about Martin’s summary of the situation. (Also, Martin: she didn’t really ask. You were made aware of the misunderstanding, and you offered the money to make up for it.)

- Indeed, Celia/Lynne has lost her memory and didn’t sound like she had recognised Martin:

(MAG190) CELIA: Sorry. We haven’t been introduced. You are…? GEORGIE: Oh, hum, of course. Sorry. This is… ARCHIVIST: Jonathan. Jon. Sims. MARTIN: Uh, Martin. Hello, eh! GEORGIE: And… this is Laverne. LAVERNE: Good to meet you. GEORGIE: And Celia. MARTIN: [PUZZLED] “Celia”? CELIA: Probably. The, hum… place I was trapped in, they took my name, I never got it back. But, I like Celia, so… yeah! Celia it is. MARTIN: Uh… H–hello… Celia…!

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: … Do you think she remembers? MARTIN: I, I mean… she doesn’t seem to remember her own name, so… I’m guessing… no? ARCHIVIST: You could ask! MARTIN: Well, no, that’d just be weird, I mean– [SOFT WOODEN KNOCKING ON A DOOR, TWO KNOCKS] Hello?

And I can’t pinpoint whether that will lead to something more or not! Is it just a point that domains can impact people even after they’ve been liberated from them? Is it because her tape will resurface? Is it because Lynne’s statement was especially plot-relevant somehow? (The fire ghost woman she had spotted obviously put Agnes to mind… except Agnes didn’t die and never lived (as far as we know) in Clapton, where Lynne had spotted the ghost – and she wasn’t pursued by said ghost after moving out, so it sounded like it was tied to her old flat…)

- There has been so much knocking since Jon&Martin joined the tunnels! It feels a bit like it’s compensating for the rest of season 5 – previously, most of the episodes were taking place in Jon’s office, so there was knocking here and there… but not that much in season 5, except with Helen.

On the one hand: it’s ~polite to knock~. On the other hand: it’s a bit anxiety-inducing, both because knocking around Jon is a perpetual reminder of Mr Spider and because it feels like it would be soooo easy for one of the others to eavesdrop on Jon&Martin’s conversations, and what would they think of it? Would they deem Jon&Martin dangerous?

- Speaking of survivors having been deeply affected by the domains… ouft, Unnamed.

(MAG191) MARTIN: I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Martin, this is Jon. [RUSTLING AND SOUNDS OF BAG OPENING AS THEY START MOVING AROUND] ARCHIVIST: Hello. UNNAMED: [SUSPICIOUS] Right… MARTIN: And you are…? UNNAMED: [FIRMLY] No! MARTIN: “No”? A–as in your name’s No? UNNAMED: No, as in “you don’t get to know my name”. I’m not stupid. ARCHIVIST: Is that so? UNNAMED: Names are how they see you. They’re how they find you in the files. You can hide all you want, but if they know your name… they can see you. And take you away. ARCHIVIST: I see. UNNAMED: I tell people my name, then maybe they learn it. Then they come for all of us. You shouldn’t have told me yours, I keep telling the others! Only the prophet names are safe.

So: still applying the logic of the domains she had been trapped in to the rest of the world. I’ve seen a lot of speculation about it, but I don’t feel like her description matched the Archives that much – it could be anything else, really? Her description was a bit reminiscent of Spiral stuff (MAG065: “The angles cut me when I try to think.”) and, overall, the Archives never seemed to have a huge focus on “names” as instruments of power over people (+ Laverne has been the oldest of the survivors: if the others who had been lost had indeed been taken back through their names, she would have exerted caution too)… So mostly, I saw Unnamed’s story and behaviour as another demonstration of how the survivors cope, after these traumatic events – in this case, still applying the logic of her domain, even after escaping it, to the point of hiding parts of herself to others.

;; Still worried about the cultist bits towards Georgie&Melanie: everyone seems to be projecting what they want and hope for from them… and it’s clearly unsustainable.

- Unnamed and Jon snapping at each other about their understanding of how things work huuuurt, but was also scratching an itch:

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: That’s not how it works! MARTIN: [WARNING] Jon… ARCHIVIST: What? She’s talking complete rubbish! UNNAMED: Have you been there, then? Have you fled through the endless cabinets, the… the labels that cut you? The things that “put you in your place”? ARCHIVIST: No… UNNAMED: So you don’t know! ARCHIVIST: But I’ve seen it! I know it. UNNAMED: Oh, you “know it”, do you? Did it bleed you? ARCHIVIST: No, but that’s not actually– UNNAMED: Then you don’t know it. And you’re not getting my name. ARCHIVIST: … Fine. … Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.

It was very “early series Jon” to argue like this! The difference between Jon being able to “see” and “know”… but Unnamed accusing him of not truly understanding it, because he had not experienced it like she did, was a nice touch? We’re used to seeing Jon as the Archivist, who goes through other people’s experiences and experiences their fears, but I’m not sure it’s still something he fundamentally does in season 5; he witnesses, he understands, he feeds from the pain, but is it a terror he experiences as such, does Beholding still feeds from Jon’s vicarious process? Is it the same understanding and experience, between Jon who knows and feeds from it, and from someone who was actively tortured by it and still has to suffer from the effects of it? And regardless of the answers: I do understand Unnamed’s annoyance that someone who admitted he had not been trapped in her domain would know about how bad it was, when she still had to deal with the consequences and lasting ptsd afterwards.

- I love how Unnamed was a bit brusque, refused the social niceties of exchanging names… and wasn’t especially mean overall. It was just one thing she feared, and one thing to respect about her. She offered food and explained how things worked!

(MAG191) UNNAMED: [SIGH] Would you like some food? We have… tins. And biscuits. Although the biscuits are really old. MARTIN: What’s in the “tins”? UNNAMED: Food. MARTIN: [IRRITATED] What food? UNNAMED: Depends. Most of the labels are gone! Yesterday, I got black beans. MARTIN: Oh, right. And that’s… good? UNNAMED: Mm–hmm! […] Are you coming? MARTIN: Yes, yes! Lead the way… you? UNNAMED: Of course.

And she warned them about the biscuits. Those ones were from Leitner’s stash, probably?

- The little panic when Jon heard that Georgie&Melanie were “gone”… Though it had already been pointed out that they tended to isolate for a while.

(MAG190) CELIA: [SIGH] [ANXIOUS] I don’t like it. They’ve been gone too long. LAVERNE: They’re fine. Sometimes they take a while. It’s hardly the longest they’ve been gone, is it? […] Besides! You know that they sometimes go to a side tunnel for “private contemplation”. I think it’s sweet. CELIA: [PETULANT] They can contemplate privately here…! LAVERNE: Can they? There’s not exactly many doors down here. CELIA: No, I guess… […] MELANIE: [SIGH] It’s why we head out so much. Sometimes we actually are scouting, or gathering, but half the time… I just need to get away. [INHALE] If I didn’t have Georgie, I think I might just snap and beat them all to death…

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] So… Georgie and Melanie, a–are they…? UNNAMED: They’re gone. ARCHIVIST: Wh…? UNNAMED: Out. They, they often go out. Sometimes they bring people back, but usually they just… go, for a while.

Melanie needing her Alone Time, uh.

- Still with that vocabulary of Georgie&Melanie having their own “path”…

(Season 5 Act III Trailer) UNNAMED: They haven’t been gone long. ARUN: You know they walk the path. No harm can come to them. CELIA: I know, I just… I…! [FRUSTRATED SIGH]

(MAG190) LAVERNE: Celia… just trust them. “They walk this world above the nightmare. It will not take them.”

(MAG191) MARTIN: O…kay, eh! Do you know when they’ll be back? UNNAMED: No. They walk their own path.

- I wonder what is up with Jon…

(MAG189) ARCHIVIST: [BROKENLY] I do not, I– … I’m just feeling a little bit woozy, all right? I–I can’t quite think straight, like at, hum… Oh, M–Martin, y–you remember?

(MAG190) GEORGIE: Martin said you knew everything now. ARCHIVIST: Not everything. [INHALE] Between the tunnels, and your and Melanie’s… position relative to The Eye… I’m a bit in the dark, here. […] GEORGIE: Look. We’re all tired, and you still seem a little… disoriented by the tunnels. Let’s get some rest. We can talk about next moves tomorrow.

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: Any chance you could bring me something back? I’m… feeling a little bit shaky. MARTIN: Do you need to make a statement? ARCHIVIST: Actually… no, I… I haven’t since we got down here…! I suppose it must be the tunnels. Nice to be a bit more… in control, although… it does feel… odd.

Was Martin’s question about the need to “make a statement” the right one? In season 5, Jon “makes statement” indeed: they pour out like an excess, because he’s surrounded by suffering and has to do this to not be overwhelmed. But Jon saying he feels “shaky”, being weak and tired… actually sounds like his old withdrawal symptoms when he needed to read or take a statement – not “make”. Is it what he would theoretically need, right now…? Or will the mundane food do the trick…? I’m still wondering whether he’s actually feeding from people’s fears of being thrown back into their domains, at the moment…

It’s also the second time that Jon mentioned feeling more “in control”, although in an absolutely different situation:

(MAG164) MARTIN: You’ve been knowing a lot lately. ARCHIVIST: … Yes. MARTIN: A lot more than you used to. ARCHIVIST: Y… [SIGH] Yeah. And it, it feels more… deliberate. L–like I have more control now.

Back at the start of the season, because he was more powerful; right now, because he has less access to his powers.

- Progress! Martin accepted the likelihood of beans, this time.

(MAG190) MARTIN: Oh, food, eh! What’s on the menu? LAVERNE: Cold baked beans. MARTIN: … Maybe later.

(MAG191) UNNAMED: Depends. Most of the labels are gone! Yesterday, I got black beans. MARTIN: Oh, right. And that’s… good? UNNAMED: Mm–hmm!

- I’m DELIGHTED that Arun and Martin met alone, what a DISASTER! Also, another tape recorder spawning and clicking on on its own, and it was explicitly said that Arun was bringing that one with him (it’s sometimes unclear who is carrying them). It was kinda cute that Arun identified the strange new object as potentially belonging to the strange newcomers.

That whole exchange *screams*

(MAG191) ARUN: [INHALE] Uh… Martin? MARTIN: Yeah? Oh, s–sorry, I, I… didn’t catch you name. ARUN: Arun. MARTIN: Hi, Arun. What’s up? ARUN: Sorry, ju–, hum, just, hum… did you lose a tape recorder? I found this… Oh… Huh. MARTIN: Yeah, it wasn’t on when you found it, right? ARUN: No, uh… MARTIN: [SLIGHT CHUCKLE] ARUN: Is it yours? I haven’t seen it before, I thought it might be. MARTIN: Kind of, I guess? They follow us around a bit. ARUN: … Really? MARTIN: Oh, y–you don’t need to worry! It’s been happening for ages, b–before the world changed, even. You can just ignore them. ARUN: Since before the end? MARTIN: Yeah, it’s… it’s kind of a long story.

Big reminder that the tape recorders have been following Jon&Martin around for a while, that it’s not normal (although they’ve long got used to it). With this scene, and Jon pointing out to Georgie that yes, the tape recorders were mostly invested in him and Martin last episode, it feels like we’re getting close to an answer about what they are and why they record some things and not others?

- I like how, yeah, Arun was plain annoying from the start and clearly the most vocal about the cult aspect… but also not stupid:

(MAG191) MARTIN: Yeah, it’s… it’s kind of a long story. Ask the prophets, if you want, they’ll explain. [MARTIN TURNS AND STEPS AWAY] ARUN: You don’t believe in them, do you? In their power? MARTIN: I… knew them in the old days. ARUN: So did Laverne…! MARTIN: Yeah, I, I realise that, just– … Look, it’s complicated, okay? It’s just a big pile of stuff that no-one understands. ARUN: [POINTEDLY] I understand they are able to walk through this world without fear or danger. MARTIN: [EXHALES HIS IRRITATION] ARUN: I understand they saved us.

He did pick up on Martin not being convinced, and as Laverne had pointed out… the cult seems to be a way to make sense of the world; their only personal gain, with it, is to not give up to despair. Obvious, it’s bad to project and to pour their hopes into Melanie&Georgie, to delude themselves about their powers and pseudo-significance! But fundamentally, it’s about hurt and broken people trying to cling to something that gives them hope, and which is constructed on a few lies. It’s just sad.

- Kudos to Martin for sensing that anything he could say would potentially backfire, though.

(MAG191) MARTIN: Ask the prophets, if you want, they’ll explain. […] Look, you, you should really talk to them about it, okay? I… don’t want to say the wrong thing.

But really, that was the WORST possible interaction ever.

(MAG191) MARTIN: [NOISES OF DISBELIEF] Okay! Well… You’re rude. ARUN: I’m a poet. I speak the truth! MARTIN: Yeah? Well… your truth is rude!

Martin, until now identified as ~the poet~, and likely not ever thinking he was saying the truth. (I do wonder whether Arun was absolutely serious about it… or actually playful about it?)

Overall, it was awful, I loved it, and it also hurt since Arun was insufferable and at the same time kiiiinda made a few potentially accurate points about Jon&Martin – from their behaviour, it does sound like they’ve been looking down on the survivors for their beliefs:

(MAG190) MELANIE: [INHALE] If I didn’t have Georgie, I think I might just snap and beat them all to death… MARTIN: Sounds like they’d probably thank you for your wisdom, if you did that. MELANIE: [CHUCKLE] … Stop. We shouldn’t talk about them like this, they, they are good people. MARTIN: Sure. MELANIE: It’s just… hard not to look down on people when they put you up on a pedestal like that!

(MAG191) ARUN: I know you look at us like we’re idiots. MARTIN: [SNORT] ARUN: You pity us…! MARTIN: That’s not true. ARUN: Liar!

Plainly, because Jon&Martin didn’t like it. And it’s understandable! But still. It’s just people who’ve been hurt, all around.

- At the very least, Arun had a point when he questioned what Jon&Martin were, why they had come, why the tape recorders were specifically following them:

(MAG191) ARUN: Liar! [RAISED VOICE] Who are you? MARTIN: [EXASPERATED SIGH] ARUN: Just appearing from nowhere with… phantom tape recorders just scuttling in your wake? Why are you here?

I’m eyeing a LOT that description of the tape recorders as “scuttling”, which has been a very spidery term in the series………………… (Ghost spiders, ghost spiders.)

- Congrats to Martin for getting another tape recorder.

(MAG191) MARTIN: [AGITATED] We’re here to save the world! Okay? Right? If you want more than that… go ask your prophets, okay? Now just… give me that…! [GRABS RECORDER] [CLICK.]

Accumulating a collection by himself, uh?

- I don’t know what to expect from the cultists/survivors! I feel like right now, they do fulfil a clear role and make a few points: they show us how the domains impacted and wounded normal people, and how these traumatised people interact with the world afterwards. Some have lost parts of themselves and are constantly anxious (Celia). Some are a bit paranoid, still apply the logic of domains to the world even if it means hiding parts of themselves from others (Unnamed). Some resort to religious beliefs, trying to find meaning and leaders afterwards (Arun). It wouldn’t have been this powerful if Jon had described these reactions as hypotheticals, or if Melanie&Georgie had described the people they had saved – we indeed needed to see the survivors themselves, a few of their own thoughts and behaviours, to truly appreciate it.

It could be serving as a glimpse at what would/will happen to the world if Jon&Martin manage to banish the Fears – it wouldn’t be a reset, people would still remember and feel the consequences of the terrible things they have suffered from. It could also be preparing something on a lower scale, the survivors panicking and turning on Jon&Martin, taking a risk and actually dooming them all… but I don’t know, I’m feeling that one less and less? I do feel the tension, it sure feels like something is ready to snap, but the tension itself serves a few purposes already (showing how Jon&Martin have some trouble interacting with other people, how it’s hard for everyone since they’re all carrying heavy baggage). What I’m expecting is that Melanie&Georgie might finally admit that they lied about the vision, but I’m not even sure that this would lead to something absolutely awful? (Outside of the survivors being crushed.)

(- What I’m especially curious about, re:Arun… is that he’s the only one of the four from the trailer who hasn’t spilled anything about the kind of place he was trapped in. Celia had her name taken from her (and apparently a few bits of herself); Laverne was in a Spiral maze; Unnamed was in a place that was forcing her to try and fit where she couldn’t fit. But as of now, we know nothing about Arun’s experience: it’s also why I’m pretty willing to give him the benefits of the doubt, and not expect something actively malicious or sinister from him – mostly expecting him to be another wounded person trying to cope.)

- Martin brought back “TinsTM” /o/ Martin immediately summarising the general feeling:

(MAG191) (MAG191) [DOOR OPENS] ARCHIVIST: Any sign of them? [TINS ARE PLACED DOWN] MARTIN: No, but… the others say it’s pretty normal for them to be gone this long. ARCHIVIST: Right… [CUTLERY SOUNDS] MARTIN: That said, the, uh… “locals” are getting restless. ARCHIVIST: Mm. MARTIN: I–I get the impression our welcome isn’t exactly… unconditional.

… was giving the impression that yep, next episode, they’ll try to leave already, that they can’t really stay any longer.

- Worried about Jon’s state, since he was already feeling fuzzy although they had juuuust arrived. Martin found that it was comparatively better than at Salesa’s, but at the same time, they have just arrived in the tunnels…

(MAG191) MARTIN: How’s the, uh… fuzziness? ARCHIVIST: … It’s alright. Comes and goes. MARTIN: Yeah, you don’t seem as bad as you were at Salesa’s. Hopefully you won’t forget everything as soon as you leave the tunnels…! ARCHIVIST: I don’t… think I will, it was worse there. Though, you know, obviously… MARTIN: You– ARCHIVIST: I– MARTIN&ARCHIVIST: –don’t remember…! [SILENCE]

Jon&Martin being intimate and ending the sentence, almost like it’s a joke… ;w;

- That’s indeed a lot of pressure:

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: So, what do you think? You reckon they’re going to help? MARTIN: [INHALE] I mean… they’ve got to, right? You, you’re basically humanity’s only hope! [CHUCKLE] ARCHIVIST: Oh, I mean… Okay, hum… [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] I hadn’t really… MARTIN: Oh, so–sorry! That’s probably a bit too much pressure, yeah? ARCHIVIST: A, a bit?

And SOB, because it reminded me of The Unknowing and the subsequent crushing realisations:

(MAG093) GEORGIE: Jonathan Sims, are you trying to save the world? ARCHIVIST: I… Yeah. I… I guess I am.

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: So, I–I guess… some time in the next few days, I go on a… [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] commando mission to blow up a wax museum. … It’s not exactly what I was expecting. Fro–from an archiving job.

(MAG126) ARCHIVIST: … I remembered Gertrude’s notebook; we found it alongside the plastic explosives, but it rather got lost amongst the business of… [SIGH] saving the world at the cost of two lives…

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: What about The Unknowing? We, we saved the world! MELANIE: Did we? I… I mean, I–I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? We, we weren’t even a neutral party; we did it as agents of The Eye, because Elias told us to.

The last few times Jon had thought he was the only one able to save the world, it turned out that the world wouldn’t have been destroyed in the first place – the rituals wouldn’t have worked. It might still be a bit hard to even try to believe that they can save the world, now…

- Aouch that in the middle of uncertainties, Jon was at least sure of Georgie’s thought-process:

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: I don’t know. [INHALE] I know how Georgie gets about people in her care. If she thinks helping us will endanger them… MARTIN: [INHALE] Yeah. Melanie too. ARCHIVIST: Mm.

… because he was familiar with both sides of it. Georgie had been ride-or-die with him when she sheltered him in season 3, protecting him from the police; she also rejected him when she identified him as a potential danger. And right now, Jon isn’t in her care anymore, unlike the survivors, so… he can guess whom she would prioritise.

- So the tunnels have changed again!

(MAG191) MARTIN: … And you’re sure we can’t… find the way up on our own? ARCHIVIST: Probably not. [INHALE] I’m cut off down here, and the layout seems… different to before.

Jon had mentioned multiple times that he had trouble orientating himself in the tunnels, that his connection was dimmed:

(MAG114) BASIRA: Don’t think either of us like it down here. ARCHIVIST: Uh, well, no, me neither. Feels… DAISY: Empty. ARCHIVIST: Yeah.

(MAG152) ARCHIVIST: … I’ve been wondering what they were doing down here. Though they must have been down here for… weeks, months maybe; spreading, growing. They could have spread all the way through these tunnels, but they didn’t. They didn’t find Leitner down here, didn’t find… Gertrude’s body. Didn’t find… whatever else is here. HELEN: It is a maze. One of the reasons I like it. ARCHIVIST: Mm. [SILENCE] … I can’t see things properly here. I thought it was just me, something interfering with my connection to The Eye, but… I’m wondering. Maybe it affects everything else. Like this place is some kind of… “universal blind spot”. Everyone gets lost, down here.

So it’s not a surprise that it’s still the case.

- YIKES about the fact that The Eye had been calling for Jon?!

(MAG191) MARTIN: The Eye isn’t, like… calling you, or something? ARCHIVIST: Oh, no i–it is. But I can’t get a… clear reading on it down here, i–it’s kind of maddening, actually? Like… being on a street you almost remember but… can’t find on a map.

Jon, you hadn’t said!! Was it a thing since MAG162, when Jon decided to leave the cabin?

(MAG162) ARCHIVIST: “This place wishes to be our tomb. But The Eye does not wish that. No. [STATIC RISES] The Eye wishes instead that it be my chrysalis. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] It is time that I emerge…” […] No, no, lo–look… I, I–I was listening, and I–I was filled with this… hatred. This anger; I–I wanted to leave, and hunt down Elias, a–and…! MARTIN: W–wow, okay… ARCHIVIST: But, when I thought it… the–there was… [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] There was something else. Th–this place, it… it didn’t want me, it… [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] didn’t want us to go.

I’m having feelings over Jon exposing it as a very background thing, that he’s apparently been fighting/resisting without making it obvious. Jon…

(And: is it The Eye? Or is it……… Elias……………… since he had “called” for Jon to allow him to reach the Panopticon………. and Fanshawe’s letter had also “called” to Jon in MAG127………)

- So Jon&Martin need a guide in the tunnels; Laverne already had gone to have a look at the “stairs” according to the trailer (and Melanie&Georgie will decide to help at the end of the episode)… I wonder who will guide them, since there are multiple candidates?

- Screaming in Archivists.

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: Yeah, but… [SIGH] Without a guide, we could be wandering a long time. And apparently, there are things wandering about there as well that… might put up some resistance. MARTIN: Yeah. Laverne mentioned. Do you know what they are? ARCHIVIST: Yep! [INHALE] They’re, hum… They’re Archivists. MARTIN: … Come again?

* GODSDAMNIT.

* Zombies. We’re getting basically zombies in the tunnels.

* Martin’s reaction was Me.

* I’m not absolutely sure that the Archivists = Watchers mentioned in the trailer? The way they had been introduced, the Watchers sounded more like guardians, or at least stationary:

(Season 5 Act III Trailer) LAVERNE: No. But… there were more watchers. CELIA: What do you mean “more”? There’s two, one each side! LAVERNE: Not anymore. I didn’t get a good look, but… there must have been four, or five.

But here Jon describes the Archivists as “wandering”. Have they begun to move around with his arrival, or are those two different things?

- The lore!! We’re getting lore!!

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: Did you ever listen to Gertrude’s interview with, uh, Sergeant Heller? MARTIN: Oh, pff…! That’s a blast from the past. Uh… I think so? Uh… World War Two, right? Under Alexandria? Saw some monster with a wei– … ARCHIVIST: Mm–hmm. MARTIN: … eye. Right. ARCHIVIST: I’m not the first Archivist. Not by a long way. Most of the others died like Gertrude, but some… lingered. And, well… let’s just say I’m not the only one that feels the Panopticon calling.

* It’s interesting that Martin could remember this tape since… it was one from Jon’s hidden stash in season 2 (since he was hiding from his “official” tapes that he had a deal with Basira and was investigating Gertrude’s murder through her, and later Daisy). It’s not new, since Martin had told Daisy in MAG142 that he had listened to her statement about her colleague who disappeared into the Coffin (MAG061’s), and that one had been given when Daisy brought one of Gertrude’s tapes to Jon – so that recording would have gone in the secret stash too. Still, interesting to hear that Martin did get his hands on all these unofficial tapes at some point? Jon, you didn’t hide them well.

* Martin, you have a good memory!

* ;; So Gertrude had been right about the creature being an old Archivist…

(MAG053) GERTRUDE: Regardless, I have further follow-up of my own to do. My biggest concern right now is whatever creature Mr Heller encountered down there. It was… 56 years ago. But if it’s still alive, I should be careful. What was it? A guardian of some sort or perhaps… perhaps it too was… once an Archivist.  

* Gertrude had blown that place up:

(MAG053) GERTRUDE: And… did you replace the grate? WALTER: The– The– The– the what? GERTRUDE: The bronze grate, over the entrance to the Archive. Did you replace it when you fled? WALTER: Oh, yeah, yes… Yes, I think I did. […] GERTRUDE: Thank you, Walter. Now. Uh, I– I need to check some maps with you, but I don’t think we need that on tape. Are you all right here for now? […] ARCHIVIST: Mr Heller died from a stroke in 2004, making follow-up on this tape… difficult. I’ve found a news article from March 1998, six months after this statement was taken. It reports an explosion in Alexandria, which destroyed several buildings in the vicinity of Pompey’s Pillar, and killed 17 people. Official investigation determined it to be a gas mains explosion, but… I wonder. Gertrude Robinson is not who I thought she was.

So unless that “only” sealed the creature into its underground hideout, that one Archivist from Alexandria was likely killed/destroyed and not part of the party here. (Think about it, you linger for centuries and centuries, and you fail to survive for the last twenty years before the apocalypse. Close call!)

* I wonder if the guardian of Johann von Würtemberg’s tomb also came to the Institute, or if it had been neutralised…

* Jonah had mentioned that the “Archivist” role was an old one…

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “You see, the role of Archivist has been part of The Beholding for as far back as my research can go. This isn’t uncommon for the Powers: most of the beliefs around them are guesswork and fallible human interpretation, but there are certain… throughlines and consistencies that can be spotted, regardless of the trappings.”

And I still wonder: how come this one is working roughly the same? With the avatars we’ve met, their powers manifested mostly how they felt they should; but Jon didn’t know anything about it, and yet ended up with the same powers as Gertrude (compulsion, the dreams) as part of the function, and that’s something rather unique? Elias’s Beholding powers are extremely different, and were tailored to his own experience with the Panopticon, for example; avatars of The Eye are not fundamentally Archivists. How does one become an “Archivist”?

- I can’t believe that YET AGAIN, these lines from Elias found a way to feel even crueller:

(MAG092) ELIAS: … You’re worried about ending up like that thing, lurking in the dirt under the streets of Alexandria? Don’t be. Just do what you need to do, and you’ll be fine. Understood?

Because: as an Archivist, barring premature death, Jon would have absolutely ended up like that creature. But the point was for Jon to not be like the other ones – and to indeed be Elias’s “Archives”, serving for his ritual… and thus leading to Jon’s different status in the apocalypse.

- I think this is the first time since MAG160 that Jon has identified himself as an “Archivist”? In season 4, he was using the title when introducing the statement (“Jonathan Sims, the Archivist.”) but, due to the nature of the statements in season 5, it’s not something we’ve been hearing anymore. He’s been called various titles by other avatars, but didn’t use it himself… and it’s a bit reassuring that he’s still including himself amongst the “Archivists”, and NOT presenting himself as an “Archive” – like Jonah had described him in his letter. (MAG160: “Because the thing about the Archivist is that… well: it’s a bit of a misnomer. It might, perhaps, be better named “the Archive”. Because you do not administer and preserve the records of fear, Jon – you are a record of fear. Both in mind, as you walk the shuddering dread of each statement; and in body, as the Powers each leave their mark upon you. You are a living chronicle of terror.”)

- é_è Martin finally asking the question that he had begun to ask at Upton House…

(MAG181) MARTIN: Yeah, but if… [INHALE] If you’re that connected, that… dependent, what happens if we actually, y’know, do manage to– ARCHIVIST: We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I just need us to be moving on. MARTIN: Hm…

(MAG186) ALSO MARTIN: I’m saying there aren’t any easy solutions. We have no idea what’s going to happen. Even if we make it to the tower, we don’t know there’ll be a fix. And if by some miracle there is, we both know the price will be awful. […] Jon’s as bad as we are. He wouldn’t let it happen. MARTIN: It’s not his decision. ALSO MARTIN: Fine. So flip that round, then. What are you going to do when he tries to sacrifice himself, because you know he’s going to try? MARTIN: I don’t know all right? [SIGH] I don’t know. ALSO MARTIN: And that’s okay for now, but I just want us to have thought about this stuff properly before it comes up. Because even if that’s not it, chances are it’ll be something else you don’t want to do, and we need to make a proper choice. We can’t just react out of shame or fear or whatever.

(MAG191) MARTIN: … Jon. If… When we defeat The Eye, the Fears… What happens to you? [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: Nothing good. I think it depends on what actually happens. If we figure out a way to defeat them, banish them somehow, kick them out of our reality and back to where they came from, I might… survive? I think I’d stay more or less like this; w–weaker, but fundamentally… still an avatar in a world where the Fears are… once again lurking on the edges. MARTIN: … But I assume that’s the best case scenario? ARCHIVIST: Depends on your point of view, I guess. In the long term all we’d have done is… bought some more time. … If, however, we… find a way to destroy or, uh… eliminate the Powers… I’m not going to be okay. There’s… too much of me that’s part of The Eye now. I don’t… know what would be left of me without it. Maybe I just… die. Maybe I survive, but I–I lose… something. My identity? My mind? My… memories? I don’t know.

* I like that Jon still pointed out to Martin that what he wanted to label as the “best case scenario” (where Jon could still manage through statements like before) would still be horrible depending on the person answering: Jon had just exposed that it would be a world like before… so still a world with people getting hurt and losing loved ones. (And it would also be a world where the apocalypse already happened once: there could be other Jonahs ready to pursue it again.)

* I would eliminate this possibility from the get-go since Jon had already pointed out at the start of the season that the place where the Fears came from didn’t exist anymore:

(MAG164) MARTIN: Can we turn the world back? [STATIC RISES, STRONG] ARCHIVIST: Wow! Hum… I–if the Fears are removed, yes; but they–they can’t be destroyed while there are still… people to fear them; th–then they can’t be banished back to the space where they came from, it’s not… there anymore, I… Oh! Uh…

So. Aouch. Not getting that.

* Jon admitting for the first time that successfully dealing with the Fears will cause his degradation/disappearance huuuurt but I’m glad he has said it and shared the thought T___T We were suspecting that it could happen, I mostly wanted Jon&Martin to communicate about it and not be taken by surprise if it were to happen…

* I’m especially glad, in a way, that Jon has thought about what he could lose and reached the conclusion that it would probably affect what makes him “him”, and especially his memories. It’s something he might have been wondering about since Upton House? (I sure have been wondering about it since Upton House, so I’m glad that he also thought about it, although it’s heartbreaking…)

- So much fabric rustling this episode, so many hugs…

(MAG191) [FABRIC RUSTLES AS THEY EMBRACE] MARTIN: [LONG EXHALE]

- Cries again for Jon having understood that there was a risk that Martin would want to preserve Jon even to the point of keeping the world doomed…

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: Martin, when the time comes, I need you to promise me that you won’t try to stop me. MARTIN: … I promise. I love you, Jon. ARCHIVIST: [FOND HUFF] I love you too. MARTIN: But I’m not going to doom the world over it. ARCHIVIST: … Thank you.

And I’m not 100% sure whether or not Martin was absolutely sincere. Technically, he did point out that his own limit would be specifically drawing the line at having to pull the trigger:

(MAG186) MARTIN: [GRIMLY] Tea. Please. [FLASK IS UNSCREWED AGAIN] [TEA SOUNDS ENSUE] So. This price. What do you think? Are we going to have to kill Jon? ALSO MARTIN: … I don’t know, because you don’t know. But… it seems like something we should at least consider. MARTIN: … I… have thought about it, and… I won’t. I, I don’t think I could…! ALSO MARTIN: Mmhmm. MARTIN: But anything else? Any other price? I’ll pay it. ALSO MARTIN: Even dying? MARTIN: Yeah! ALSO MARTIN: Jon’s as bad as we are. He wouldn’t let it happen.

… not necessarily at the whole concept of Jon having to die. So, Martin wasn’t contradicting what he had previously said, technically.

It was also good that Martin got to check about Jon’s intentions, since he had been explained, at some point, how Jon tends to do risky “heroic” things as a form of self-harm:

(MAG142) DAISY: And of course, for Jon, there’s survivor’s guilt in there, too. He thinks he’s not human. Makes him very… self-destructive. MARTIN: Yeah, well. We’ve all had trauma. DAISY: And everyone’s changed.

(MAG191) MARTIN: [INHALE] And you have to promise me that you’re going to do everything in your power to live. That you’re not going to… sacrifice yourself at the first opportunity, just because you feel guilty about what happened. ARCHIVIST: [BREATH] … I promise. MARTIN: [EXHALE] Good.

So it was extremely valid of Martin to make sure that Jon wouldn’t try to sacrifice himself as a punishment – not anymore.

(I’m noting that they haven’t discussed the possibility where they wouldn’t manage anything. We know that Martin made his decision in MAG186, that he would ask Jon to kill him, to stop feeding from people in his domain. But he’s yet to talk to Jon about that…)

- THAT WAS INDEED SUPER HEAVY…

(MAG191) MARTIN: … God, I hate these conversations. ARCHIVIST: Yeah…! [INHALE] Heavy stuff. [LONG EXHALE] MARTIN: I miss small talk. ARCHIVIST: We could talk about the weather for a bit, i–if you like? MARTIN: [SNORT] Bit difficult underground. ARCHIVIST: True. In that case I might… see if I can get a bit more sleep. Rest up a bit before, uh… you know. MARTIN: Sure. ARCHIVIST: Wake me if they get back? MARTIN: Of course.

Please, go back to talking about poetry or something too ;w;

So, as we left them in the episode: Jon was gathering his strength… and for once, Martin was watching over him.

I’M IN PRE-EMPTIVE PAIN. I know it’s going to end horribly, but aaaaaah ;; Jon laying down the futures he has envisioned for himself, and none of them being good… Jon having to think about the possibility that he could be wasting away and losing himself… it was just incredibly sad? ;;

- Fourth sequence, and given how the dialogue sound level was consistent: it sounded like the tape recorder was physically on Melanie or Georgie, not on the bench itself? There was no variation from the moment they were walking to the moment they sat. It’s interesting that, now, the tape recorders are able to spy on them – even though this is far from the first time they go outside, yet the recorders hadn’t listened in on them for the entire season until now…

- Apocalyptic London soundscaping! It had felt like a while – we only heard it in MAG188 and MAG189, but that was two months ago. I like when some places become immediately recognisable through the sound effects, like Beholding!London or the tunnels’ echo? Back in the days, I was extremely fond of the clock ticking in the background indicating Elias’s office.

(MAG191) [CLICK–] [FOOTSTEPS AND CANE TAPS AS MELANIE AND GEORGIE ARE ABOVE GROUND; URBAN DRONE SOUNDS ABOUND] MELANIE: I do wonder how healthy it is. Going to see him like that. GEORGIE: I know, but… it helps me. I think. MELANIE: It certainly sounded pretty nasty. GEORGIE: Well, it didn’t look too much better.

When Melanie&Georgie were mentioned to be out, I had not thought it would be for the Admiral ;; I had assumed it was to get some Alone Time and discuss the recent changes with Jon&Martin’s arrival, or to stock up on supplies since the group has become bigger – though in this case, their little trip outside served multiple purposes. Somehow, I had assumed that the Admiral’s domain would be a bit hard to access or even removed from London, since Georgie had mentioned she only went to see him occasionally (MAG190: “I go to see him sometimes. I think he’s happy, in his way. But, hum… It’s hard to see him like that. He didn’t even know I was there.”), but on the other hand, Jon had pointed out that there were micro-domains in London that weren’t pure Beholding (MAG188: “It’s the seat of The Eye…! The other powers have small enclaves within in, but… it’s going to be a lot.”). There is something very touching in the fact that Jon&Martin brought change (their mere presence, the fact that they have powers and are on a quest to try to stop this, the tape recorders following them) and Georgie went to see the Admiral again, as if clinging to a companion, a familiar presence… even though he has also changed a great deal?

- I love that Melanie asked the right questions about the bench.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: Uh, there’s a, a bench here, to your left. Do you mind? [DRONE FLYING] MELANIE: Unoccupied? GEORGIE: For now. Come on. MELANIE: Sure.

Big Extinction Couch flashbacks.

(MAG175) MARTIN: You know what? [FOOTSTEPS STOP] I am sitting down. ARCHIVIST: [CHUCKLE] Are you… sure, that thing is… That’s not in great shape. MARTIN: Neither am I. I have been on my feet for a literally uncountable amount of time. [FOOTSTEPS] [BAG JOSTLING] [SHUFFLING] [CREAKING, WITH DAMP SPLOSHES] MARTIN: Mmhph… ARCHIVIST: [CLIPPED] How is it? MARTIN: … Great…! It’s great. [WET SQUEAK] Lovely couch.

^We know how awful places to sit can be since the Change.

- Apart from the brief moment Melanie found Georgie at the end of MAG149, this was the first time we hear them talk by themselves and for themselves, and I’m grateful for that! It helped to see how they normally interact: asking questions about themselves and their own actions and situations, expressing their own thoughts aloud, bouncing ideas and feelings around… And I love that we can feel that they indeed know each other well at this point, with Melanie picking up right away on the fact that Georgie was actually upset:

(MAG191) MELANIE: Everything’s a bit… shit. Isn’t it? GEORGIE: Not everything. [DRONE FLYING] MELANIE: … How did he look? GEORGIE: He’s happy, I think. Does that… Does that make him evil? MELANIE: It makes him a cat. GEORGIE: And, I mean… sure it’s not a great look for Battersea but, watching it… it’s just the gorier bits of a nature documentary on repeat. MELANIE: There’s nothing natural about this, though. GEORGIE: … No. [SILENCE] MELANIE: We could still pull him out. Y’know, like, like the others. GEORGIE: No, no… It… it hurts to see him like that, but… he’s safer there. If we took him, we’d just be putting him in danger. We might even be putting the others in danger from him.

* Melanie going straight at it with the Admiral – because “not everything” being shit still means, in their situation, that most things are, and they had just gone out to allow Georgie to take a look at her fluffball.

* Georgie’s question about whether the Admiral was “evil” was a bit heartwrenching… because it’s how she had referred to an End avatar with Oliver:

(MAG121) OLIVER: Oh…. Uh, right. H–have I upset you, miss? GEORGIE: [INTERRUPTING] No, you just remind me of someone. OLIVER: Aaah, I’m sorry. Were they– GEORGIE: Evil. Yes.

Georgie having a black and white view of morality and trouble cataloguing the Admiral within that system…

* I like how Melanie’s overall dryness also allows her to be firm and rational about a few things? It’s a case where we can understand why Georgie is upset (her companion is terrorising others and feeding from their fears, while he used to be her domesticated pet), but Melanie’s reminder is also noteworthy – is the Admiral even able of moral reasoning? Listen to Season 4’s Q&A for Jonny’s stance on the subject.

* (And I love that it settles on: he’s still a cat, acting as a cat, and enjoying being a predator. Doesn’t make him evil. But the circumstances in themselves have “nothing natural” about them, and that’s still their main problem.)

* ;; That was a nice echo to Jon mentioning earlier in the episode how Georgie is with “people in her care”: right now, there is still the group of predators to protect, so as much Georgie might love the Admiral… still a risk. Same thing as with Jon before, and Georgie trying to get him out in order to protect Melanie.

- Was that a frigging reference to the Giant Crab That Lives Under The Archives meme.

(MAG191) MELANIE: [SIGH] You’re not still going on about that… dream of a giant, murderous tunnel-cat, are you? GEORGIE: [CHUCKLE] MELANIE: You know you’re not actually a prophet, hon?

Because it sure sounded like it. (Also, Georgie’s dreams are cool.)

Once again, I’m super happy that we heard Georgie and Melanie interact mundanely!! Because they sound like an old married couple, too, now! The little endearing “hon” and tender needling while reminding Georgie that no, her dreams are not prophetic and they don’t know what would truly happen if they brought the Admiral back with them. I also like that it wasn’t one-sided and that both were able to contextualise in order to comfort the other at different point:

(MAG191) GEORGIE: And it’s not like the tunnels have gotten any safer with them hanging around. MELANIE: It just feels crap, you know? Doing nothing. GEORGIE: We’re surviving. And… trying to help others do the same. That’s not nothing. MELANIE: True. Even if it feels like it sometimes.

Melanie reminding Georgie that the Admiral is a cat by nature, Georgie reminding Melanie that “surviving” is still something (and a lot, given the current world). It was also a nice view of their respective personal weak spots – Georgie, the companion she lost; Melanie, her frustration at perceiving herself as useless and static at the moment.

- Loving the transition from the Admiral to Jon.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: [SIGH] I still care about him, you know. But… getting involved will only make things worse. MELANIE: We’d better still be talking about the Admiral. GEORGIE: [INHALE] Jon’s… doing his best.

Jon Is A Cat. (And Melanie absolutely understands that, since she understood the transition.)

- I love that both Melanie and Georgie are absolutely aware that no, Jon didn’t want the apocalypse to happen and shouldn’t be held responsible for it…

(MAG190) GEORGIE: … Melanie reckons you’re the reason… all this happened, whole apocalypse thing. ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] She’s… not wrong. GEORGIE: [LONG EXHALATION] ARCHIVIST: I was… the catalyst, I–I didn’t… Elias– Jonah Magnus used me. GEORGIE: Well, obviously. Even Melanie doesn’t think you’d have been stupid enough to do this on purpose.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: It’s not his fault…! It’s not like he wanted it to happen. [DRONE FLYING] MELANIE: I know that! Right? I know. I know, but the… the truth is, I just don’t like him. I never have, and I am sick of people acting like I should feel so super-sympathetic towards him, just because he’s had a rough time of it. I’ve had a rough time of it from the second I met him! We all have! And he doesn’t– GEORGIE: Oh, honey… [SIGH] MELANIE: … Okay. I can still hate him, even if I don’t, y’know, blame him but… [FRUSTRATED EXHALE]

But also!! That Melanie!! Doesn’t like him! That Melanie is allowed to dislike him for her own reasons! I love that she’s allowed to feel that, to remind us that things also went downhill for her, and that she’s not presenting it as a competition in misery? Jon is our main character, we’ve witnessed his hurdles and only got a glimpse of the others’, so I appreciate the reminders that they’re the main characters of their own stories.

Still! My heart sobs a bit because I also like the concept of Melanie&Jon as potential friends (they were absolute nerds together in MAG076), and Melanie had offered the possibility at the end of season 4 (MAG157: “It’s, it’s okay. He’s… welcome. As a friend. But that’s it.”)… but once again, circumstances aren’t ideal and it’s a bit of a “things could have been different” in another universe, probably? Or even in this one, if Melanie had a chance to keep working on herself and her self-hate? (And, for little details as to why she could be annoyed at Jon at the moment: Jon haaaas been kind of an ass around her since they reunited – teasing about the cult while it was an obvious tender spot for Melanie wasn’t super sensitive of him. It’s Jon’s sense of humour! But it doesn’t have to work with everyone.)

- Aouch, I had mused and joked about Jon&Melanie’s common points (matching shoulder scars! Dating Georgie! Very passionate in their own fields about the supernatural! Jon pointing out that he also knew how it is to be looked down on by peers! Both tending to go it alone and to rely on themselves, having a hard time trusting, clamming up when they’re hurt!), but Melanie’s acknowledgement of it was heartbreaking:

(MAG191) GEORGIE: You know… you’re actually quite similar. MELANIE: Well, then at least I hate consistently. GEORGIE: … You should really talk to Laverne about that. MELANIE: Oh, trust me, it came up. Day one, I think. GEORGIE: [SAD SOUND OF UNDERSTANDING]

MELANIE ;___; It breaks my heart but also wow, I’m grateful for that punch, and super happy that she is aware of it, of how she works, that it ALREADY came up in therapy, right away… (I wonder if Melanie’s self-hatred came up in therapy right away, or specifically the fact that she was projecting her self-hatred on Jon. I’m cackling again at Laverne suddenly realising that Jon was “the” Jon Sims, as in Melanie’s old boss.)

- I LOVE MELANIE!! I love how she made it clear that 1°) yes, she’s aware that Jon didn’t doom the world on purpose or willingly, 2°) no, she still doesn’t like him, 3°) yes, she still thinks it would be the right thing to help him and offer him support. She’s allowed to have her personal feelings, to stick to them, but also to be rational about it and see that they need to collaborate if they hope to achieve something. And I love how it evolves into a conversation about what they could offer, concretely?

(MAG191) MELANIE: But all that said… we should still help them. GEORGIE: What could we even do for them if Jon’s some kind of… all-knowing demigod? MELANIE: Not down there. Martin says they can’t find a way up into the Institute. GEORGIE: Too risky. I told you about the things down near the stairs, right? MELANIE: I, uh, yeah.

Melanie is already aware of Jon’s weak spot, that he can’t know in the tunnels, and that they need help to reach the Institute!

I’mmm a bit curious about the logistics of things: first, it’s likely but not absolutely confirmed that the “Watchers” guarding the stairs are the Archivists Jon mentioned (notably, the first were described as if they are static, while Jon mentioned that the Archivists move around); second, I’m a bit curious about which stairs are the stairs that are alluded to (and where they lead):

(Season 5 Act III trailer) LAVERNE: I, uh… I got a bit too close to the stairs, yesterday.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: Too risky. I told you about the things down near the stairs, right?

It’s “down”: does that mean the Watchers are stationed at the bottom of the stairs, and the stairs are going up? It feels like the option that makes the most sense considering they are in the tunnels – and we know that the trapdoor in the Archives leading down to the tunnels was hiding stairs (Jon described them as such in MAG041). So it could be that set of stairs, leading up to the Archives. Another tiny possibility is that those stairs… are actually going down, deeper into the tunnels: towards where the Panopticon used to be? (It’s mostly that I tend to automatically picture said stairs as going “up”, back to the Institute/what is now the Panopstitute… but technically, this hasn’t been said any of the multiple times these stairs were mentioned. And we know that the tunnels had multiple levels, going deeper and deeper.)

… Whether the Watchers are the Archivists or those are two different things, though, I feel like Georgie’s wording was indeed reenforcing the idea that the Watchers were what caught and snatched back the survivors they had managed to free:

(Season 5 Act III trailer) LAVERNE: I, uh… I got a bit too close to the stairs, yesterday. [ANXIOUS NOISES] UNNAMED: [SHARPLY] Seriously? Did they see you? LAVERNE: No. But… there were more watchers. CELIA: What do you mean “more”? There’s two, one each side! LAVERNE: Not anymore. I didn’t get a good look, but… there must have been four, or five. […] ARUN: Have faith! The prophets shall protect us. UNNAMED: [SNORT] Like they protected Song and Christopher? LAVERNE: Hm. ARUN: That was our fault! UNNAMED: Uh–huh! ARUN: We became arrogant, attracted attention. They’re the Chosen, they’re not all-powerful.

(MAG190) GEORGIE: … There are seven with us now. [SIGH] It used to be more. A lot more. But, hum… we got greedy. Pulled too many out. We… attracted attention. And… well, now there are seven.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: Too risky. I told you about the things down near the stairs, right? MELANIE: I, uh, yeah. GEORGIE: We can’t afford to attract their attention.

They lost people because they “attracted attention”…

- I! love! Melanie!

(MAG191) GEORGIE: We can’t afford to attract their attention. MELANIE: … You’re doing it again. GEORGIE: [FRUSTRATED] Argh! MELANIE: Look, you–you’ve been doing so much better recently. I, I know it’s really hard to judge risk without a, a sense of fear– GEORGIE: But I am still… overcompensating. MELANIE: Well, I mean, not, not necessarily? It is dangerous. But…

I love that she bluntly pointed out to Georgie that she was “overcompensating” again, and given Georgie’s reaction, that she’s aware that she tends to do that, that she agrees about it, that she knows it’s not a good thing, and that she’s trying to work on it! Once again, it was really super cool to see Melanie&Georgie interact like this, because we could see they were familiar with each other’s way of thinking, of their own potential spirals, and are able to quickly put a stop to them.

And it makes so much sense for Georgie! It’s not a big reveal, it’s something we could feel: we knew she couldn’t feel fear, she had pointed out herself that she tended to be cautious to make up for her lack of fear:

(MAG094) GEORGIE: Since that day, I’ve never been able to feel afraid. My fear’s just… gone. I’m not foolhardy. I can still recognise danger, and I understand the likelihood of harm, but actual fear? Simply not something I experience anymore. And I’ve never been able to figure out if it was cauterised, or… if it was stolen.

But it’s so nice to see it acknowledged as a fallible adaptive strategy, still potentially hurtful for Georgie and the people around her. It also adds some flavour to how she behaved with Jon in season 4, trying to rationalise why she wanted to cut ties with him after having tangible proof that he was entangled with and surrounded by danger?

- I love Melanie ;___;

(MAG191) MELANIE: But… I, I don’t see another way out of this? And, and I don’t intend to spend the rest of eternity sleeping in a tunnel playing “mystery tin”…! GEORGIE: … Not even if it was just the two of us? MELANIE: [SIGH] Oh, okay… Y–yes. Well… maybe… [INHALE] I, I could handle that for a bit. But if there’s even a small chance we could put things back?

It was such a contrast with Salesa: Melanie unhappy with her situation, agreeing that it could easily be more agreeable (if she were to be alone with Georgie)… but also firm on the fact that their current life (and their options for how to lead it) is not enough. Salesa chose to keep living in his own little bubble, protected and safe, even if it’s a solitary life and has its shares of misery (Salesa probably wouldn’t be drinking alone in the morning if he was as happy as he claimed, and he knew his future, at some point, would be to die, either at Annabelle’s hands or by ending his life himself). Melanie and Georgie have the same kind of security, are more or less in the same situation (they could keep going like this, sheltered from most of the horrors), but are taking an absolutely different stance.

- I also like the tiny note about the fact they have “always” been involved…

(MAG191) GEORGIE: … [INHALE] You’re right. I know you’re right. I just hate getting involved…! MELANIE: We’ve always been involved. Right? GEORGIE: Yeah…

Because: on a personal level, they did encounter the Fears even before meeting Jon (Georgie in her first year of uni, Melanie during one of her recordings). They were both marked by Fears before any dealing with the Institute. And even before that, well… the Fears were already around? Have been around for centuries, maybe the beginning of times? And right now, it’s more explicitly everyone’s problem.

- Feelings about Melanie and agency…

(MAG106) ELIAS: Whatever I’m planning needs to be stopped! Even if it costs a few lives. Including your own. MELANIE: Well, that’s n–not even– ELIAS: A rationalisation, of course. A lie, about your own selfishness, that you would rather be dead than trapped without the self-determination you prize so highly.

(MAG117) MELANIE: But I’m still fighting. [SCOFF] For all the good it’s done me! Still stuck, still miserable, still… angry. [CHUCKLE] New traumas, but they hurt just like the old ones…!

(MAG150) MELANIE: I didn’t say I was going to quit. I said: I’m not going to do my job. No researching; no filing; no… field trips. Nothing that is going to help the Institute in any way. I’ll still be around, I just…

(MAG155) MELANIE: No, Jon. I’m going to do it. [BREATH] I’m quitting.

(MAG191) MELANIE: A–a–at least now it’s on our terms! This way, you can get back to podcasting about monsters… GEORGIE: [CHUCKLE] MELANIE: … rather than hiding from them.

It had been pointed out multiple times that Melanie valued her agency! I’m so glad that she’s conscious that this is her way to take it back, while the Change had once again dispossessed her of it ;w;

- GEORGIE, I CARE YOU.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: Urgh! Don’t. I was just… thinking about that yesterday. How much I legitimately miss those shitty ad reads. You know, everything happened just as I was recording one? MELANIE: Oh, god, yeah! Hum, what was it, uh… GEORGIE: [PODCASTER VOICE] “Slaughterville…” MELANIE: [HAPPILY] Yes! GEORGIE: “The Town of a Thousand Corpses”! MELANIE: [CHUCKLES] GEORGIE: Some god-awful true crime thing based in a, a Colorado town where there were meant to be like… three serial killers or something. MELANIE: Jesus. GEORGIE: I was so proud of the script I did for it as well! I thought I’d really nailed that schlocky pulp vibe without it being super obvious that I was making fun of them.

That’s indeed a thought: what were you doing when the world ended? At least, we know for Georgie, and it’s hilarious =D I love how she acknowledges her shitty ads – and that she makes them sound terrible on purpose.

(What’s with Georgie and Slaughter-related content, though? The WTG episode that had been released had already been Slaughter-y, given Jon’s comment in MAG125…)

(Genuine avatars sending their ads to Georgie to advertise their activities, and Georgie finding the stuff they do ridiculous…)

- That’s a lot of people Doing Things For An Audience, recently. Arun reading books or his own creations; Georgie reminiscing about her podcast and toying with the possibility of performing in front of the others; the tape recorders spying on everyone…

- Harsh return to reality with Arun’s creations, but also, very valid reminder and concern:

(MAG191) MELANIE: … Come on. We’d better head back. It’s… probably not a great idea leaving that lot with Jon and Martin unsupervised.

Indeed, the other survivors are nooot meshing super-well with Jon&Martin. (But Melanie&Georgie being in the mix is not a guarantee that things will calm down ;;)

- And so, we got their final decision!

(MAG191) MELANIE: So… we help them? GEORGIE: Well… We’re not going up the tower, but… yeah. I want my cat back. [CANE TAPPING AS THEY WALK OFF]

Indeed helping/providing assistance, but not going with them! And Georgie’s conclusion was BADASS and VALID – that’s indeed the only way for her to get the right conditions to get the Admiral back.

Given that they mentioned it, I’m assuming that they will bring Jon&Martin to the stairs with the Watchers? Or perhaps Laverne will? Would they work as a distraction, would they be even noticed by the Watchers…?

- General musing:

* She’s not joined with the group yet, but as an alternative to enter the Panopstitute… there might be Basira, too? She was inside of the building when the Change happened, and left without any problem. Jon said that right now, she had inherited Daisy’s ability to ~carve her way~ through others’ domains: would it allow her to enter the Panopstitute in the same way?

* We still don’t know what is Jon’s domain exactly – only that Jon&Martin were heading to it during their journey. Is it the Panopstitute? The Archives? Beholding itself at this point?

* I really wonder how Jon will interact with other Archivists… would they feel like he’s just one of them? Would they feel like he’s special even amongst them? Would they attack him because he’s full of stories (and akin to an “Archive”)? … How are they currently fed, exactly? Do they observe the domains outside, or do they have to rip stories out of people? Was it what happened to the survivors that Melanie&Georgie lost…?

Nine episodes left ;_;

MAG192’s title makes me think of two Big Meanings that could allude to various things. Domains’ rulers (Basira?), “Archivist” lore, statement from an Archivist? Elias, Rosie? Or something that is already slated to be happening (Annabelle implied to Martin they would see each other again soon-ish, when they left Upton house)? It’s been two episodes in a row without a “statement” in some form (which only happened as part of the climax in previous seasons), it feels so strange, too…

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

Multiples of 6 for the OC asks!

AYYYYYYYYYY THANK YOU

i think for this one i’ll answer each question with three ocs for comparison >:V

(under the cut because, predictably, It Got Long)

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6. Do they smoke or do they hate smoking. 

(origfic, unnamed superhero verse)

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Neil: won’t touch cigarettes, but has been known to smoke a bowl every now and then when his anxiety gets the best of him. he doesn’t like doing it--he’s internalized some pretty negative shit about how it means he’s a trashy, weak-willed loser who can’t handle reality--but since meeting nads and then beth, he’s eased up a lot on the guilt and is able to relax more.

Nads: smokes cigarettes, but only if they’re stolen. she’s got an active lifestyle to say the least and she doesn’t want to risk fucking up her lungs, so that’s her compromise. my god does she love her weed though

Beth: smokes cigarettes to take the edge off her anxiety when she has to go outside during the day. she knows they’re worse for her than weed, but she’s wary enough of her liminal space powers without imagining what they might do if she got stoned.

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12. What’s an outfit they’d despise wearing Vs one they’d love wearing? Draw it! 

(Tales of Arcadia; i’m godawful at drawing clothes so i’ll just describe them as best i can ashdflkshdfkl)

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Liyen: loves comfortable, understated, professional-looking masc clothes, usually in muted shades of gray, blue, or black. give them a fuzzy turtleneck sweater and black pants and they’re happy. meanwhile they’d be SUPER uncomfortable in loud, clashing colors or anything too femme. 

Schommag: Does Not Like Clothes That Will Get in Her Way, also not a big fan of dressing femme with very few exceptions (the right Little Black Dress, for example). give her what she needs to get around the woods and stay out of her way. that said she does love showing off her muscles, so she wears a lot of tank tops and sports bras (and sometimes no top at all, if she can get away with it). 

Oryalv: VERY femme, particularly business casual. this man loves his pantsuits. meanwhile his nightmare is middle-aged high school coach aesthetic. put him in a t-shirt and khakis and he’ll start pouring smoke like a teakettle

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18. Have they ever committed a crime? How? Why? If not, then what’s their opinion on crime?

(origfic, unnamed VALENTINE DON’T DO THAT verse)

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Valentine: has been made complicit in a lot of their family’s cutthroat-noble shadiness growing up, is otherwise a law-abiding sort up until they jump off the slippery slope and get the war crime ball rolling in earnest. Whoops

Edmund: has gotten into plenty of cutthroat-noble shadiness of his own volition, thank you very much. unlike valentine he’s a whole lot more inclined to go UHHH and pull up when it comes to war crimes

Marcel: LOVES war crimes. LOVES them. would marry them if he could. lucky for him he’s captain of the guard and has plenty of opportunities. will otherwise use the law as a bludgeon but i don’t think he’s too bothered about it for its own sake

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24. Mcdonalds, subway, or KFC?

(Final Fantasy Tactics A2)

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Nebilim: subway, grease is sensory hell and makes him sick and it’s the easiest place to avoid it. the number of variables per sandwich make him anxious, but if he has to pick one then fuck it, it’s worth not putting grease in his body.  

Moovry: loves grease with all his somehow-still-functioning heart, would bring his own beer keg to KFC and refuse to leave til he’s finished his fourth bucket of chicken

York: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS. gets the happy meal and then uses the toy to test their black magic minispells. we hardly knew ye, beyblade 

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30. Have they ever dreamed about another oc?

(Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, taxidermy/doll horror cw)

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Faerna: has dreams about missing his mother sometimes. he hasn’t seen her in a long time, and for all he knows she thinks he’s dead, but he can’t bring himself to go back and look for her when he doesn’t know if she’ll approve of the life he’s chosen for himself. for all he talks himself up, not everyone’s happy to have a thief and a conman for a son.

SkekNev: has recurring dreams about the victims of their taxidermy coming back to life. less of a HOLY SHIT THE DOLLS ARE ALIVE nightmare for them, more of an anger/anxiety nightmare because stop that, stop having autonomy, i made you like this for a reason.

Aivne: dreams a lot about her little siblings. outright nightmares, semi-lucid rehearsals of danger scenarios, memories from before they lost their parents.

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36. If they’re nonhuman, what’s their opinion on humans?

(origfic, faeverse)

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Aislinng: vampire/incubus, more specifically A Dracula Lookin Motherfucker. depending on how much of a bastard he is in a given au, humans are usually somewhere between ‘fun to dazzle with my Supernatural Charms’ and ‘boring. where are the interesting people to torment’

Meadowsweet: rabbit faun. depending on which of the two wildly different versions of him we’re talking about, he either treats humans with the same goodwill as anyone else who might need his healing, or looks down on them and considers them fair game for whatever evil bastard he’s pining after this week.

Agaric: aislinng’s son with a forest spirit, so fuck if i know what to call him at this point. humans tend to find his brand of quiet, aloof awkwardness either offputting or endearing; either one is mortifying, and he’d mostly rather just keep to himself. 

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42. What’s their standpoint when it comes to washing hands?

(origfic, bumfuck nowhere cult)

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Cristina: obsessed with cleanliness, washes her hands constantly, crissy please you live in the desert

Skinner: if my hands are clean i can’t wipe them on cristina’s robes now can i

Rosemary: who needs to wash hands when you’ve got tentacles ;)

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48. If they were defeated fairly in battle, would they accept and move on or throw a fit?

(origfic, slasher movie slaughterhouse dimension)

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Maggie: will stay down and let you think she’s beaten, until you take your eyes off her for a second too long. then she’ll go for your hamstring

Dee: will accept it and move on, but will also try to make you feel like winning wasn’t really important anyway. maggie loves her dearly but she is kind of infuriating to everyone else

Esau: is delighted when somebody beats him, because if they’ve gotten that far they’ve committed at least one horrific atrocity and will have to live with that forever (if not embrace it). the real treasure was the corruption and PTSD we found along the way. no wonder maggie kind of hate-connects with him, he reminds her of dee lmao

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54. Have they ever lost anyone?

(misc origfic)

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Gray: lost the person who summoned them, gave them form, and taught them how to speak. once she died, all they knew was that she’d stopped coming, and that their only friend--their only contact with the world outside the cave--was gone. they’re there alone for a long time before a hitchhiker stumbles across them, and now they’re clingy as fuck and terrified of being abandoned again.

Ashdown: lost her wife the spring before her story begins, which left her so depressed she didn’t bother flying south for the winter with everyone else. she does eventually find love again, after coming to terms with the fact that what she’s lost isn’t the only thing she can ever have.

Jake: lost his older brother as a kid, which might or might not be why some fuck haunting their own fursuit recruits him to help with their unfinished business.

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[DYING WHEEZE]

thank you again for the questions!!! i have. so many ocs. SO many ocs, and it’s always fun to get a chance to trot a bunch of them out, especially with a good range of questions like these :D

[sufferingink]

Mixed up Miraculous AU Part3: flaws

a lot of my problems with the current show stem from characters not having flaws, or at least flaws that cause long standing issues throughout episodes. Marinette herself is a pretty good example of this to me, because her flaws are treated more like funny quirks that come up very little. Like with her almost kissing a wax statue because it looked like Adrien, haha so... so funny. so because no one asked for it, I’m going to write a full post detailing the flaws of some characters. (note: started writing this before the specials came out. might be irrelevant now)

Marinette Dupain-Cheng (the big one)

So you know how in canon, marinette tripping over something or walking into a wall is a gag that’s in like a grand total of 12 scenes per season? and that’s considered one of her major flaws??? It’s not! But I’m going to dial it up a bit so the contrast between civilian and superhero is incredibly obvious!! This makes her the one that’s the most cautious but also the one that can wave away injuries the easiest.

One of the more fleshed out aspects of her character is that she is always losing arguments. That sounds weird. It’s more like the reason behind why she loses them is fleshed out. Most of the people she argues with are very good at make people believe they gave them evidence when they really just handed them hot air. Marinette knows what they’re saying isn’t true, but is so lost in anger that she doesn’t even provide hot air. It makes her seem like she just expects people to believe her because she’s... Marinette. the goody two shoes(have you seen how much stuff she’s stolen?). the one that never lies (or is at least semi-okay at it). It’s kind of rude to have the belief that everyone should believe you because you’re you, but that’s kind of always how it goes in hidden role games sooooo... maybe she’ll be fine.

BURNOUT!!yay. marinette is constantly signing onto new projects and throughout this hypothetical series you could see it take a toll on her. she becomes irritable and her anxiety goes through the roof. Pumilio jumps from rooftops half asleep. It worries everyone around her. She is near constantly complaining about her workload but has convinced herself that taking even a day to recharge is being lazy

she carries around fabric and buttons everywhere. just kind of does, for some reason. Jumpp doesn’t care so..

something something kissing a wax statue because it looks like your crush isn’t cute it just makes you look creepy. 

fuckin’ BAMBOOZLED by automatical doors, apparently.

Adrien Agreste

This kid has SO many trust issues and anxieties. He’s constantly aware that everyone trying to get close to him might just be doing it for fame (that’s why he’s more comfortable as a superhero. not much fame you could get from that). He’s constantly aware of his own appearance because he doesn’t want to upset his father. He worries that someday his friends will realize how much of a disaster he is and just... leave. Of course, he has to hide all of this (”worry wrinkles are bad for business”).

This dude can’t properly sit still to save his life. Not necessarily a flaw and more a character trait I guess? That’s why he looks so sad at homeschool. He wants to socialize, sure, but he also wants to climb a damn tree.

(this is one specific to this au) When the group discover the cat miraculous, Adrien was hesitant to take it. Pollen was one of his friends, and the only one he could really talk to about everything. Not to mention Pollen’s own worries, as most of their holders gave them up to become something different. he still took it, because the reasoning was sound and he had no real reason to deny it. But he never properly activated it. He didn’t want Pollen to feel like they were getting replaced.

He lets people off the hook far too easily. Doesn’t want the anger.

Alya Cesaire

For a reporter, she jumps to conclusions far too quickly. Barest amount of evidence and she will go reveal it to the world without even checking the sources (tip: check your sources. I can’t believe i have to say it). That being said, I do like the idea of her slowly piecing together the heroes’ identities. Like at the end of the first season,she makes a small comment about how much Adrien looks like Abeille and there’s little hints that she may be figuring it all out.

Gets frustrated with her friends easily because she knows they’re hiding something but she can’t tell what. Stupid AND terrible at lying? unacceptable.

kind of sort of really used to justifying invading other people’s privacy. She... really shouldn’t be doing that. stop, please.

Alya can’t ever force herself to do something. If she doesn’t like the work she’s given, she will either choose something adjacent to it, or will just straight up ignore it. Makes her grades suffer and her confidence in herself plummet

Nino Lahiffe

This kid just might be the most stable one here. He doesn’t overwork himself, he finishes his work on time, he’s relatively steady on his feet. but where everyone in his class is famous to some extent, nino just... isn’t. the most impressive thing he’s ever done is win an obviously rigged game show. He jealous, most days. When Marinette hands out free croissants, he’s thinking about how much he would have to pay for just one. When Alya’s complaining about how few people liked her posts, nino’s remembering the day where he finally hit 1k. Everytime Chloe uses her father’s influence for something petty, he remembers listening to his parents sob about not being able to afford their tiny apartment. he keeps it to himself.

He highkey feels like an outsider in his own life. (this might be triggering, I’ll put a funny summary at the end) Like maybe one day, he’ll wake up and everything will be perfectly fine without him. Pavonine will still be there, his friends, his family... none of them would ever even notice if he just sat in bed forever. Duusuu would probably notice and try to cheer him up, which would only make it worse.(hey, did I say the end? I meant right here. summarizing two sentences: Nino may or may not have depression. Duusuu may or may not be accidently making it worse.) Ironically, these days come most often when people notice him the most. Adrien straight up hands him four duct taped lunchables because Nino mentioned ants got into his food. Alya jokingly accuses him of being Pavonine for her blog (”He wears a SUIT, dude,” is really the only evidence he gives for it not being him. this somehow works). SOMEONE filled his locker paper frogs and Shrek Devito strickers (real thing. i have one on my desk). No one’s as surprised as he is when Mme. Bustier agrees to put them on well written papers.

kind of overbearing when it becomes to groups, but doesn’t like being the leader.

has this really terrible cough, hmmm I woNDER WHERE THAT CAME FROM.

Tikki (Kwami)

Gods, no matter how small and cute, work in absolutes. Their moral standing is no different. Tikki has particularly strong moral compass, and pretty much never sways in her belief. if her holder tries to use a lie she deems unnecessary, she will use her hold over them to voice her opinion in a less than savory manner (she’s a god, and she’s basically been in lockdown for one hundred years. She’s allowed to have a bit of a disconnect from what hurts)

Plagg (Kwami)

You know how in the last one I basically said that all Kwamis are all somewhere in the Good alignment? Plagg’s a straight up Chaotic Neutral. He wants his owners (and tikki) to be happy, but he’s only there for that. will happily leave as people stop yelling at him. He doesn’t hurt his holders, but he is very sarcastic.

Pollen (Kwami)

Very loyal, very quickly. they find their group and protect them to their final breath. Their holders tend to be offered better Miraculous and leave Pollen in the dust. They take this very personally, and refuse to work with that holder ever again. These holders have... not great endings, but Pollen refuses to feel guilt. 

Duusuu (Kwami)

they basically have no control over their emotions, and tend to increase their holders emotions. More recently, their Miraculous has broken, and infects their host with some sort of strange sickness. They’re so determined to spot any symptoms that they miss their current holder’s worsening mental health.

Jumpp (Kwami)

They have gone so long without everything that they cling to it so tightly that they restrict change. When your holder very much needs a change, there’s tension. They try to force their holder to stay transformed, so they don’t throw away their miraculous.