#all the poop like gaston

[depressedstressedlemonzest]

Ugh Gaston.

He doesn't seem so terrible in this universe at least.

Rumple attempting to be sassy and like "aha you agreed to my terms."

And belle "bitch actually"

He deserves some darkness as a treat.

I don't like that there are dogs in hell the underworld All dogs go to heaven.

Well except for cerberus I guess.

But then he'd be a lonely dog.

I love her face.

The fucking CGI

Work together dammit.

A little dark a little light.

So you killed Gaston my fiance and never thought to tell me???

It was an arranged marraige I was doing you a favor!

Logical.

My sister wondered if Gaston was sentient as a rose and then died after belle pruned him.

NO DARK MAGIC AND THAT'S FINAL!

Can you open this for me?

B and E doesn't that qualify as dark magic?

THIS ISNT MURDER WE'RE OPENING A LOCKER!

The argument equivalent to being super mad and yelling but then needing something off a high shelf.

[kingofthewilderwest]

We need to start questioning the conflation of "maturity" with "increased stakes."

It's not to say higher stakes is always a bad choice. The first half of the How to Train Your Dragon book series has an endearingly whimsical, child-like feel. Hiccup's issues in the first half of book one are an obnoxious, cat-sized Toothless pooping in his helmet. The movie adaptation might have made the book and its counterpart distant cousins, but it was a thoughtful move to alter concepts to the appropriately theatrical: books and movies aren't the same medium. Hiccup riding alone on Toothless, exchanging fire blasts with a mountain-sized dragon, and losing his leg came off as well-done storytelling.

Hiccup staring at a prosthetic never happened in the book. He didn't lose his leg in his encounter with the Green Death. It was, as the creative powers behind the movie said, a result of the increased stakes. They didn't do this just to be more dramatic; they did it because it seemed that, based on how their narrative was going, this made sense. And this was a soft, quiet, shocking, breath-taking scene that instilled how good the movie handled its stakes. It gave us a reflective reaction to consequences that audiences might not have expected. This movie understood timing, pauses, quietness, narrative arc, poignance, reflection, emotion, love, and heart.

We know about the conflation of live action as "more mature" than animation. But a medium doesn't change maturity levels. We all know that's bogus, and many analyses have been given on that. Disney live actions add extraneous gunk, down to Gaston having a past relationship with war (so I've heard, from the people who actually watched the movie), and Disney giving us the sad scoop on why Belle's mom isn't around. Furthermore, lots of times, when I see the conversion of animation to live action, I notice creators feel a need to "raise the stakes" -- in line with the erroneous view of "giving maturity."

But "higher stakes" often means inserting action in place of mindful interaction. I feel today's Hollywood movies, in their treatment of "action," don't let movies pause and breathe anymore - ergo, they don't let us think. Isn't it more juvenile to actively avoid thought in favor of "hey look I made the building go boom"? There may be less "stakes" in introspection and mindful dialogue, but that's what gives it its maturity. That's how we went from Iron Man 1, with its grounded treatment of war and abuse, to the mindless high spectacle MCU is today.

Snappy one-liners or moments that clap at contemporary issues don't substitute for maturity. What can make a story mature is characters grappling with issues in a natural narrative through-line. A snappy one-liner is its own form of speedy spectacle.

We know about the conflation of "gore and sex" with "mature audiences." I believe they're right that graphic sex and gore is designed for adults. But that doesn't make it mature, and that doesn't make it the only way to target a medium for adults.

"Realisticness" isn't maturity. Per above regarding animation: realistic visuals are nothing. And if you think that putting more Debbie Downer material into your adaptation makes it more adult, you have to ask yourself why the themes that spoke to people's souls got muddled in its midst. We weren't mature enough to interact with the most subtle, nuanced, and impacting voice of the story. But hey! Look! There's more corpses, I guess!

It's not the visuals, it's not the events. It's not the "things." It's not the basic insertion of the external. Get past the superficial, get past the top layer of presentation. It's the mind. It's the ability to think. It's the ability to be still. It's the ability to be interested and attentive when something is slow or quotidian, because we can understand why that is important for narrative growth or arcs or themes or commentary on the human condition. It's the ability to know when and when not to include something. It's the ability to make resonant impact. It's the ability to be deep with your emotions or your themes. It's the ability to take what you have and grow it in a way by which we can derive something deeper.

Maturity is critical thought and well-conducted, appropriate responses to content of any kind.

As DeBlois tells Empire, the move to live-action brings a different emphasis to How To Train Your Dragon; a new heft, both physically and emotionally. “It’s so dialed-up in terms of stakes — having a fully credible, photo-real dragon stomping around trying to kill him,” the director says.

And maybe that DeBlois quote is taken out of context. Maybe there's more going on than that one sentence conveys. Maybe Empire is making their own erroneous assumptions. But "so dialed-up in terms of stakes," isn't, on its own, a good appeal. The animated movie already dialed things up - and knew when to include or not include something. A live-action that imitates the visuals of the animated movie exactly, as if no independent thought has been done to its unique adaptation, to the pros and cons of the medium, to what a independently-presented story needs and doesn't need... It has to make you wonder: how many conflations of "maturity" are going on?

How long are we going to keep making our own conflations?

[otnesse]

Honestly, that take on Anakin as a misogynist made absolutely no sense whatsoever, since he literally demonstrated no contempt for women at all, much less had said contempt because they were women. In both Legends and DisCanon (Clone Wars counts regarding the latter, meaning not even "Dudebro" Anakin from that series would qualify, especially not after the whole thing with that senator who antagonized Padme during a summit or for that matter his actions late in the original run [when Ahsoka was framed]), Anakin if anything held women with the utmost of respect. Heck, even if we were to go with the idea that he was truly abusive and controlling to Padme, he STILL wouldn't be a misogynist at all due to his even going for her at all. See, I have a pretty strict definition of misogyny that specifically entails that the person hates the very existence of women, at best wishes to stay away from them due to a visceral reaction to even their existence, at worst wants them eliminated. Probably the closest thing to an exception would be if the person was pragmatic enough to realize they can't have kids without the women and put up with them solely for that reason (to use a good example of this exception, try Jason and the Argonauts, more specifically his depiction in the sequel Medea where he made it pretty explicit in the beginning that he has contempt for Medea due to her sex, and only tolerates her presence at all because she's the only one able to sire his offspring). Anakin, even at his worst, fails to qualify. Heck, even the likes of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast truly failed to qualify as a misogynist ultimately (he LOVED being popular with the ladies, and was clearly attracted to Belle), and that guy actually WAS a stalker. To give a good (if VERY politically incorrect) example of what WOULD qualify regarding misogyny, I'll give you General Blue from Dragon Ball, more specifically filler during the late portion of his saga regarding a literal run-in with Arale Norimaki from Dr. Slump:

In case the video buttons obscured the subtitles too much, it said "Get away from me! I loathe nothing more than girls and poop!" Yeah, let's just say there's DEFINITELY no chance at HIM becoming a father anytime soon. Can't get any more misogynistic than the scene above.

If Anakin were in any way a misogynist, he'd if anything say something similar to Blue above when interacting with Padme (making his fatherhood of Luke and Leia impossible, BTW).

Ranting time

So weird how Anakin is always seen as hating women in the fandom when literally the people he respects and love the most are all the women in his life: Shmi, Padmé and Ahsoka. Even with the other female Jedi, Anakin obviously respected them and never tried to cross them like look at his friendship with Aayla in legends, he was friendly with Adi Gallia and Shaak Ti. Even though he didn’t agreed with Luminara’s methods he never tried to put her down. With Yaddle’s death in legends he was heartbroken and guilt ridden. It’s obvious Shmi raised him to respect women.

But you could argue Anakin had his worst issues with the male figures in his life (besides the clones of course). But that is a topic for another post.

[alittlecursed]

What were then henchmen like as kids/babies

As some villains grew up with their henchmen or raised them

Pain and Panic

As kids, they are mischievous troublemakers! They terrorized everyone near them, subjecting them to horrible pranks, thievery, causing property damage, even causing mortal wounds to humans

Hades had to partially raise them since he did take them in when they were young. He had to put the fear of Hades in them cause they still kept making trouble for him

Pain and Panic complied with Hades, and their cowardice came out because someone actually stood up to them

Hades is mean to them but it’s for their good. The better their behavior is, the better he treats them

Diablo

Maleficent cared for him as a baby raven so Diablo sees her as a mother-figure. It took a while for Mal to train him like not pooping in her room, not making a mess, not throwing tantrums when he doesn’t get his way, basically a child

At one point he could never sleep at all unless he was sleeping on her person or her bed with her. He needed to feel her presence and smell her scent. Clingy

Sometimes Mal got worried because she couldn’t find him. He would go away for hours because he would find a place to hide or he was exploring the castle and getting lost

Mal takes full credit for teaching Diable how to fly

Roscoe and DeSoto

Roscoe was always better at listening to commands when being trained. He would slap DeSoto when he wasn’t paying attention which would lead to a fight between them

DeSoto was a troublesome puppy. He spent more time in the dog house while being housebroken. 

DeSoto ran away from home one time because he was jealous of Roscoe and thought Sykes preferred his brother, and although he could last days out in the streets, he missed his brother and his master. Sykes found him and brought him home

They don’t show affection like normal master and dogs, they have their own way of showing affection which others might see as brute

Flotsam and Jetsam

Ursula found them when they were kids, so she raises them a bit. They liked to intertwine their bodies between rocks and any caverns and holes. And they would meddle inside of Ursula’s cabinets and would sometimes break her vials of ingredients

When Ursula had customers over, the eel brothers were wary because they were mostly merpeople, but Ursula pushed them out of their comfort zone by forcing them to be around

It helped them gain confidence in interacting with merpeople and polishing their manipulation skills. Like, Ursula would give lessons on how to trick merpeople

She was very affectionate with them when they were kids and still shows lots of affection. Sometimes she cuddles them too much and gives them whatever they ask for

LeFou

LeFou and Gaston have known each other since their childhood. 

Gaston sought him out a lot because LeFou was his only actual ‘friend’ and LeFou hanged out with him because he admired Gaston

They would play out in the woods and the fields of the village, hunting small animals, playing with weapons, one time they even got lost in the woods

As kids, Gaston wasn’t as rude to LeFou as they are as adults, yeah he picked on him and made him carry his things but it was leveled.

[thelittlehansy]

Things that Annoy me in the Treatment of Prince Hans character

Because i love this gif gonna here is it : 😅

Over identification to Elsa and Anna : 

literally what happen in the movie : Prince Hans try to took advantages of a princess title later let her to died to took over her kingdom with also murdering a queen in order to escalated in a monarchy in order to be king also to reverse the winter cant ignore the fact that arendelle was literraly Frozen. 

people : Their Ex or A guy ( hans)) try to manipulated them or their daughter ( Anna) and later try to kill an other girl. ( possibly also them a friend , or their daughter or sister) 

this is basically how act a lot of fans , the cast , the creators a good part of people. This is annoying let fictonal character be fictional dont hold them in hostage because " i want to relate"

people in sleeping beauty after Maleficent try to murder aurora , threaten her during 16 whole years , succeeded to murder Her kidppap Phillip tried to murder him later because she wasnt invited at the baby shower of aurora : 

Aurora and phillip are boring: I wish maleficent would have won.

what people will said if phillip and aurra where as adore as elsa and anna : They both have post traumatic stress disorder.

Treatment of Hans fans 

imagined living in a fandom that think liking a Disney villain and finding him interesting is worse that put down mock several people  and  treat them like trash reject them and talk about them with disgust as basically “those small tiny delusional Hans community who promot abusive relationship” ? just told people they are invalid because they find him interesting.  fortunly didnt happen to me but sick ! 

Chidish and immature behavior :

sorry but there are a lot of hans antis who act this way 😅 WITH THING WRITE LIKE THIS BECAUSE THEY THING THIS IS FUNNY OR TO JUST SHOW THEY ARE ANGRY LIKE LOOK I M SCREAMING RIGHT KNOW and are gonna added you : 😡😡😡😡😡 ireedeamble monster 😄.

Different treatment :

Not treat like the others Disney villains FACT !! no one hate the others disney villains the way Hans is hate even tremaine and frollo dont have that hate so the argument "he is just a random human so he connect more with reality wrong" gaston is even love ! so some will say but no one tried to justify what the others disney villain did !!! Well first no one justify what hans has done but here is :

maleficent : justified actions by her being  a fairy and having a different morality also in tradition this was a big offend to not being invited. Also we ve got also The awful remake ( sorry if you like the movie i hate it) tried to justfy her bahvior.

gaston : a hunter ? he saw a beast he had to klil it ! read several time !

The evil queen : again...like have you ever see someone hate the queen to have give snow white the apple ? Nope ! But snow white is insult to have eat the apple ! So no one defend her but no one blame her also. The one that took all the critiscm is snow white and modern interpreation tried to defend her behavior.

gothel : she is also kind of defen like this is that bad what she did but she give rapunzel a tower she was a little nice ? 

Ursula : seriously There is literally no one that blame ursula to have trick ariel but everyone blame Ariel to have trust Ursula could you imagine prince hans in this situation ariel will not be blame at all. and you even got the Urusla didnt break the rules of the deal and she was acting as a buissness woman.😅

Facilier : blame naveen and also his background is sometimes used to defend his actions.

Hook : i see also a lot of times him being defend !

so others Disney villains actions are justify or reduct. I have never see someone honestly defend Hans action and said this le alright was he did.

Dismiss Hans life in the southern isles

we have Hans quote in the movie ,  lee words , A Frozen Heart , comic but this is not  enough and you will always heard people said that hans exaggerated his life with his brothers.

The lack of morality : ( that one is more subjective )

i m a very empathetic person personally but i cant help find that some person took  the excuse of Hans is the villain to tolerate abuse and even justify it. to me  whatever his crimes in Frozen he does not deserve to be punished by his abuser and people who know about his life in his homeland choose to ignore it on purpose sometimes. me personally it bother me ! it bothers how people who know about how mess up his life in the southern isles is choose to ignore it on purpose because he is the villain. Sorry but it work also in the others sense to me hans actions does not justify the abuse he goes throught by his family. I dont like vendetta so i m sorry but the fact he tried to kill a favorite disney princess does not justify anything. So then this is very convenient to reject it : by this is not canon but sorry a frozen heart or not this is canon that Hans live in an unloving environment.

Not funny humor

those cameo are just not funny even when i was no interest in the character i was finding them useless. hahaha the villain is hit !!! how many years old are you if you laughed at that ?😅

Bad lesson for kid 

Disney :  yeah litle kid see your princess is punching the villain

kid : hahahahahhahahaah

 Disney : see kid now the horrible villain receive a snowball in the face that makes go him in horse poop. 

kid : ahahhahahaahahahaha

Disney : hey look at our ester egg in big hero where the statue is smashed ? 

kid : AHAHAHAHAHAHA

disney : see kids see kid elsa is smashing his statue ! 

kid : AHAHHAHAHAHAHAA elsa is smashimg Hans statue.

Me : hey kid what about go saw cinderella live action and how piss off was tremaine when she ignore her and forgive her at the end To go take Her happy ending and forget her😅

So well i dont know if kids really laughed at all of That but you have understand the point.

If Hans was a girl...

Well i m sorry but i Cant not notice that if hans was a girl first the punch will not exist. Keep the same actions that Hans his crimes never the evil princess would have been punch. And you know what never the evil princess would have been humiliated at the end when he is violently throw in the cell with the bucket on his head And never the evil princess would have be hit by a snowball or smashed. I think there are actually high possibilities that the evil princess would even have more compassion and no one would have choose to dismiss her backstory. The evil princess would not even have bother people if she was ship to one of the Nice prince. So thats make a lot of thing i cant ignore. If Hans was not a man but keep the same actions he would have less hate.

[pk-smokey]

(probably) The last things I'll say about The Frollo Show are these:

I really appreciate the consistency that's maintained throughout the series.

It's a charm point that almost definitely doubled as a time-saving technique. If the series evolved at the same rate chincherrinas's (the series creator) skill improved, I believe he would have gotten burnout and dropped it before like, episode 15. A skilled creator purposefully holding themselves back is easily the one thing that resonates the strongest with me. That's why my favorite Gmod video (I'd argue that it should be referred to as a single video despite being uploaded as two separate videos) is Product Man eventually retrieves his soda. It was purposefully split into two episodes to mimic the old 15 minute restriction YouTube used to have for videos, it follows the outdated "Freak Fortress" concept for crafting characters in older Gmod videos, and all animation is done frame-by-frame inside of vanilla Gmod, with no additional assistance on visuals using outside addons or editing software. The audio sources are purposefully of inconsistent quality and are purposefully dated, presenting itself as a linear improvement on a notably dated style of creating art, rather than an evolution that grew with it's peers. It successfully shows the appeal that style of video had with creators and viewers all those years ago, referencing the creator's earlier work inside that same format back in that same time period, but it also updates the formula just enough to maintain relevance with the newer generation. And because I started a numbered list all the way up there,

2. I love how chincherrinas uses a mix of popular YTP sources, common internet jokes, and very, and I mean VERY, niche sources for the series.

Like as an example, it's The FROLLO Show, it uses Frollo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, as the two main characters. But later in the series, it uses a sports caster? news anchor? from Brazil or whatever as an enemy the gang needs to defeat. It's a literal who moment, but it's presented with such confidence that you have to accept that the guy is a serious threat in the story.

3. I just love how sloppy it looks!

True art doesn't need to look detailed. Effort placed into art can never be discerned just by looking at it. Just because something doesn't "look good" doesn't mean it's bad. Even back in the "YTP" era of The Frollo Show, where the creator had random edits with no bearing on the plot whatsoever, there were still certain themes and jokes that kept repeating across episodes in this smaller "arc", ones which are still referenced in the later episodes of the series (the latest entry in the series was uploaded less than a year ago btw!).

Even if the series started without having a concrete point behind it all, Chincherrinas made a point from their own existing work. It became a remix of itself through an art form based solely on the concept of remixing existing media, and became one of the best of it's kind. And even if newer YTP's are technically more impressive with what they do, they don't catch the essence of what makes truly makes YouTube Poops into art.

All art should have a story that froms from previous experiences, either through previous entries in a series, like a story formed from the knowledge of the creator's past, their present, the creator's projectes future, or maybe just knowledge about the creator's preferences for the subject matter of their art.

A story can also form from the viewer's own knowledge and previous life experiences, filling in the "before's" and "after's", and even the "present's" of an art piece. I personally believe that at the truly fundemental level, the concept of a "story" is what justifies art to exist. All art has a baseline story through it's creation (even dudebro grifter AI art), but the interest I personally have is the complexity behind this nebulous concept of a "story."

One creator I have a deep respect for their skill, but I can never appreciate their YTP's, is Geibuchan. They are EXTREMELY talented, and I know enough about their story to appreciate the abstract concept of their art, but unfortunately their works don't resonate with me. Instead of feeling like "a linear improvement on an outdated, remix-heavy format," it comes off to me more like "a linear REGRESSION attempting to mimic the concept of a late 00's, early 10's remix-heavy format."

I know this is an EXTREMELY subjective opinion (and so reductive that it's undefendable), but Geibuchan's YTP's don't feel like a new story to me. They feel more just like "Azumanga Daioh, but slightly to the right" or whatever. I find it difficult to appreciate the story that forms when I struggle to even see that story. All I can feel is the same exact stories from the source material, just shifted to the side, obfuscated behind flashing lights and rapidly spinning images, hidden behind repetitious audio.

Anyhow, do you think it's obvious that I finally got my Adderall refilled? I even got put on a higher dose!

My three favorite YTP series are, in no particular order:

The Frollo Show

DELIVER US

Fesh Pince of Blair

[itsclownhours]

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

.

morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

.

young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

.

lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

.

arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

.

uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

.

morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

.

gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

.

gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

.

morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

.

leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

.

morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

.

arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

.

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

.

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

.

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

.

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

.

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

.

morgause: customer (derogatory)

.

arthur: business major (derogatory)

.

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

.

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

.

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

.

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

.

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

.

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

.

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

.

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

.

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

.

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

.

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

.

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

.

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

.

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

.

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

.

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

.

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

.

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

.

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

.

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

.

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

.

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

.

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

.

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

.

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

.

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

.

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

.

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

.

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

.

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

.

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

.

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

.

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

.

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

.

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

.

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

.

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

.

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

.

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

.

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

.

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

.

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

.

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

.

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

.

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

.

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

.

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

.

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

.

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

.

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

.

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

.

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

.

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

.

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

.

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

.

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

.

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

.

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

.

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

.

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

.

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

.

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

.

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

.

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

.

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

.

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

.

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

.

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

.

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

.

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

.

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

.

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

.

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

.

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

.

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

.

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

.

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

.

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

.

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

.

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

.

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

.

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

.

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

.

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

.

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

.

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

.

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

.

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

.

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

.

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

.

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

.

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

.

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

.

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

.

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

.

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

.

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

.

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

.

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

.

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

.

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

.

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

.

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

.

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

.

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

.

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

.

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

.

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

.

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

.

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

.

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

.

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

.

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

.

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

.

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

.

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

.

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

.

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

.

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

.

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

.

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

.

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

.

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

.

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

.

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

.

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

.

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

.

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

.

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

.

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

.

morgana: i have no self of steam

.

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

.

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

.

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

.

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

.

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

.

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

.

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

.

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

.

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

.

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

.

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

.

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

.

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

.

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

.

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

.

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

.

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

.

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

.

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

.

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

.

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

.

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

.

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

.

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

.

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

.

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

.

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

.

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

.

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

.

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

.

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

.

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

.

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

.

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

.

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

.

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

.

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

.

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

.

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

.

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

.

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

.

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

.

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

.

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

.

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

.

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

.

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

.

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

.

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

.

gwaine: turn down for whom?

.

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

.

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

.

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

.

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

.

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

.

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

.

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

.

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

.

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

.

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

.

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

.

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

.

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

.

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

.

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

.

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

OR

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

.

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

.

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

.

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

.

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

.

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

.

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

.

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

.

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

.

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

.

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

.

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

.

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

.

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

.

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

.

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

.

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

.

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

.

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

.

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

.

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

.

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

.

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

.

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

.

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

.

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

.

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

.

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

.

morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

.

morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

.

morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

.

morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

.

morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

.

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

.

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

.

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

.

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

[etraytin]

Quarantine, Day 79

If yesterday was Noodle Day, then today was S'mores and Failing at Wilderness Survival Day. MIL did not get the brace off her leg, which is a bummer, but the doctor did put it a more comfortable way and say that she could start some physical therapy, which is better than nothing. Apparently we have been putting it on correctly and it is not our fault that the thing constantly falls down, that is just how knee braces do. They probably do not do it quite so much if the person with the fractured kneecap does not walk around quite so often, but it is what it is. Her kneecap is apparently healing pretty well anyway, so that's still good. 

No visit to FIL today, though two attempts were made. He was sleeping the first time they went over, and the second time, late in the afternoon, they'd given him something to calm him down and let him sleep because he'd been having a very bad day. This of course was very upsetting to MIL, since there's really nothing at all we can do, so I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. His new room doesn't have a bird feeder in front of it but it does have a suet cake holder. The weather is completely inappropriate for suet cake, so I ordered a seed and mealworm cake off Amazon, only to find it is WAY too big. I'll have to try again, and in the meantime we will put the cake out for the birds and squirrels here, who will be thrilled. 

Going through our supplies today, I realized we have way more eggs than I'd previously realized. This house has a downstairs refrigerator, which was very handy when we had to bring the perishable contents of our fridge down from Virginia, but makes it easy to lose track of inventory. Somehow we ended up with five dozen eggs in the downstairs fridge and two dozen additional upstairs eggs. Lacking a handy Gaston in the family, we need to do something with these eggs! We boiled a dozen of them for breakfasts, and then I took eight more of them and made eggs on clouds for dinner. Eggs on clouds are fun, you separate eggs, then whip the egg whites to stiff peaks and plop them in piles with little divots on top on a greased cookie sheet. Sprinkle them with parmesan cheese and garlic salt, then cook them in a 425 degree oven for four minutes. Pull them out, carefully spoon an intact egg yolk into each divot, and cook for 3-4 more minutes, then serve. They are puffy and light, and really disguise the fact that you are basically serving Just Eggs as your dinner entree. We ate them with salad and they were popular. 

Kiddo spent much of the day playing Prodigy, a computer game that combines Pokemon and math problems into an activity that he enjoys and I can feel like has some redeeming educational value. He tried to suggest that it was so educationally redeeming that he should be allowed unlimited time to play, but I reminded him that even if the game was teaching him, too much screen time was still not great for his developing  brain. I did consent to buying the paid version of the game so he could evolve his monsters, so he was happy. I got a brief refresher on mean, median and mode that will no doubt be useful to me somehow. He has promised that he will use the game regularly for at least six months, a promise I am writing down here so I can remember and remind him of this summer when he does not wish to do any math! 

After supper we did our big anticipated activity of the day and made s'mores in the fire pit. The fire pit does not get used very often at all and is in kind of rough shape but usable, which is more than I can say for one of the two benches around it. I came very close to falling through the damn thing, rotten as it is. We used that as the supplies bench. Because my in-laws no longer take a newspaper (and if they don't, you know for sure that print journalism is in trouble!) we had no ready source of paper kindling and had to resort to several failed paper airplanes and some torn up cardboard boxes, as well as sticks from the yard and a few pieces of wood from the woodpile. Turns out that newspaper is apparently a vital component of my ability to light a fire, and the sticks being kind of damp did not help. It took us about six tries with kindling and matches to light a fire that did not poop out after a minute or two. I am definitely not prepared to survive the Hunger Games. 

Eventually we did get the fire lit though, and went in to get all our supplies. @beturass gave me a good suggestion about using parchment paper to make chocolate bars from chocolate chips, but in the end laziness won out and we went to war with the chips we had. It didn't matter too much because kiddo was much more interested in eating burnt marshmallows straight off the stick than in going through the whole s'mores preparation routine. He ate at least six big marshmallows before I realized what was happening, which probably explains why he can't sleep tonight. Oh well, I'll take sugar over stress as a cause of insomnia any night! Our timing was very lucky, since about ten minutes after we wrapped things up, it began pouring rain outside. This conveniently doused the last of the embers and allowed us to prevent forest fires. 

It is weird that it is now the weekend already because it feels like yesterday was Monday. It is weird that it is the end of the month because arriving here feels like forever ago and also very recent. Normally a late spring weekend here would be full of festivals and tailgate markets, live music and cultural events. I think we'll probably have a couple more watergun fights, those are fun! Terrible things are happening in the world right now and the feelings of helpless anger are often consuming. To save your sanity, you sometimes have to draw back and have your positive impact where you can, even if it's just in your own family. 

[meepmorpperaltiago]

I’m a Disney character, get me out of here!

Soooooo I was kind of bored and looking for a challenge to do on Sims – I thought the “reality tv challenge” looked interesting. Basically, the rules of the challenge are roughly:

1. Make a household of 8 Sims

2. Stick em all in a house together

3. Make sure free will is turned on and intervene as little as possible – by the end of each week, the Sim with the worst relationships with the others is eliminated

As anyone who knows me will tell you I’m the biggest Disney fan on the planet, so I added my own twist

If you can’t tell from this terrible picture, the contestants were: Rapunzel, Gaston, Cruella DeVille, Anna from Frozen, Ariel, Aladdin, Tarzan and Doctor Facilier

First of all, Tarzan got pooped on

When they lived in Sulani they all just kept swimming and literally doing nothing else, which got pretty boring pretty quickly, so I moved them into a mansion in Oasis springs...

But I accidentally just made them travel and not move in, so they spent like half a Sim hour running around in their swimwear the front area and trying to sleep on benches before I realised and moved them in properly

Aladdin started a fire which somehow scorched Rapunzel and made Gaston sob hysterically, but then they wound up being so separated out that they didn’t really interact much, so I moved them again, into a “streamlet single”. Even though their needs got really low from having 8 Sims in such a tiny space, it all seemed to be going pretty well – I even added a pool for Ariel. But then the pool got a little too crowded...

Rapunzel was the first to go

She was closely followed by Tarzan

And then it was RIP Gaston

For some reason this random dude showed up to mourn the three drowned contestants

Then the next morning Anna apparently hadn’t learned from the THREE DEATHS THAT HAD ALREADY HAPPENED BEFORE and Ariel just watched and didn’t even try to rescue her which quite frankly was just a dick move

With only four left, Aladdin managed to start yet another fire and remained scorched for the rest of the competition.

At the end of the week, Cruella was eliminated and I declared Ariel, Aladdin and Facilier joint winners because honestly nothing much else was happening and I couldn’t be arsed with the whole thing anymore

[catboyrightsdefender]

What do you think of the opinion that generalizes goats as assholes and sheep as stupid? Is there some truth to it? Or is their behavior determined by how they are kept/genetics/interactions? My dad had sheep and goats (about 20-30 of them altogether, smaller amounts at once) He was talking about goats doing jackass things all the time like being assholes to each other, climbing/jumping through fences and pooping everywhere. Part 1

On the other hand, sheep were sometimes too stupid to get the food which was given to them on a slightly further away, and were generally not able to make themselves sheltered from rain (even if there was place for them to go under, etc.) So my dad decided not to keep goats anymore because they were too high maintenance and also people who were professionally working with goats told him that goats are jackasses. He only keeps sheep now. I'm curious what your opinion is, can you tell me? Part 2/2 

first of all id like to say that i dont have a lot of experience with sheep and goats, the only sheep and goats i know are the ones at the rescue i volunteer at, which are for the most of them either a bit feral or traumatized (because hey being violent towards animals is such a fun activity right? smh)

gonna put the rest under a cut, potential trigger warning for mentions of violence towards animals

that being said, i must say that i kinda agree with that generalization (even tho i dont really think that sheep are stupid, they just seem to be a bit simpler than goats). most of our goats are too scared to try to do any jackass shit, but there is one (he’s called gaston and i love him) who seems to be more intelligent than the others and wont hesitate to attack you if you refuse to give him what he wants (be it food or attention). one of our other goats, frédéric, once ran away from his enclosure and ended up in the horses field, chased by ponies, and he never tried to run away again. i still have war flashbacks from when the farrier came to trim their feet and i had to hold them down, i made good use of my muscles that day haha! the sheep (we only have four of them, three adults and a young one who was rescued right after 2019 began) are less chaotic, they have their routine and if that routine is suddenly broken (having to take a different path to the pasture, a random object sitting where it shouldnt be, ...) they start to panic and go everywhere.....they are scared of the goats, who steal their food when they are together in the pasture. The only thing the sheep arent scared of is, strangely enough, the geese (who terrify the goats). when the geese arrived they tried to attack everyone (they are in the same pasture as the sheep and goats), the goats surrendered but the sheep attacked them back and now the geese leave them alone haha! they did try to attack the youngest sheep when she arrived, but the other sheep protected her.

i do think that the way an animal is kept will heavily influence its behaviour, but they are some traits that seem to appear a lot. i do think that goats have more chaotic/jackass potential than sheep, but that doesnt mean all goats are like that, same goes with sheep being simpler creatures. animals are strange sometimes. the little goat that recently gave birth, lila, was found with a male goat, left alone on a field with nothing to eat and no water. the male is still scared of humans, they most likely never had real positive interactions with humans, but lila is the most friendly goat, she acts almost like a dog,demanding to be pet and all. the sheep that arrived recently (shes called merry), despite having been heavily traumatized (her skull was almost fractured by the hits she received, she was living in a place with no food and water), is really sweet and you can see, apparently (i havent seen her yet), that she wants to trust humans again.

[mytherapistthinksimfunny]

The Endless Thirst of Grace Michaud

It’s almost 11 pm, and in the four hours that I have been home from work, I’ve been reading articles about Adam Driver. Alone in my apartment, I snort to myself as I read The Cut’s “I Want to Be Adam Driver’s Baby”  and “21 Things I Would Like to Do With Adam Driver” which I relate to a little too well. I, too, want to “peruse real-estate listings” with Adam Driver. 

In my nearly 26 years of living, Adam Driver is this month’s Grace Michaud’s “It Boy.” Last month it was Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Next month? Who knows, but Henry Cavill is looking mighty fine in The Witcher. 

For anyone who has ever known me, this causes little concern. To everyone joining the Grace Michaud journey: welcome. You are about to experience an everyday occurrence.

New friends, or people who only interact with me via social media: I suffer from being infinitely thirsty. My thirst can never be quenched. Usually the thirst comes at a normal level, like any thirst, and starts out as a simple tickle in the throat. If offered a drink I wouldn’t say no. But I don’t actively do anything about it. I could go for a drink, but I’m not about to get up and get one. Then the thought becomes nagging, that maybe I really should get up and get a drink right now. I’ll crave water, a simple free drink that comes from the tap. Soon my thirst becomes more distinct. I’m craving an Arnold Palmer and I need that Arnold Palmer now. I drink and drink and still I’m thirsty, drinking like I’m in the desert, about to die unless I drink the world’s entire water supply right now. 

I am, of course, not talking about liquids. I’m talking about men.

An attractive male on a film or show catches my eye, and I make note. Soon I’m watching every movie they’ve ever made until I’m in a downward spiral of interviews in the trenches of YouTube and Google. 

I’ve been attracted to the male species since before I could form a concrete memory. The evidence is in a video of my dad teasing me at three about a crush I have on a boy named Ricardo. Wracking my memory, the name sounds familiar, and I’m aware I had crushes when I was in preschool.

How in the world did my tiny brain comprehend the very idea of crushes? That one could feel something more than just friendship with someone? That I, a mere three-year-old just learning how to not urinate my pants, was able to identify that? I’ve dated 30-year-old men who are nowhere near that level of emotionally intelligent. 

Who were you, Ricardo? Why was I fascinated with you? Was I attracted to you? Do three-year- olds recognize attraction? Where are you now Ricardo? Have you met your metaphorical Lucy?

So we begin, reader, towards an agonizing life of never-ending attraction to men. Now, I am absolutely not going to go into my dating life. That is just one long humiliating and questionable series of life decisions that even I don’t want to get into. Let’s just say, at 11, there was an entire diary entry of pictures from my yearbook of a kid named Kyle who once took a pinecone out of my hair. I shudder at the thought. And don’t get me started about junior year of high school.                                                                      

I mention Ricardo to show you that my thirst for men was always there, whether I knew it or not. To me, it seems, it was just a normal feeling that was a part of me. Nothing unusual. My karate teacher was a hottie and probably why I loved going to karate. I loved men so much that I wanted to be them. I dressed in boy’s clothes, even boy’s underwear, and occasionally asked my parents to call me Michael. Now, you’re probably thinking: “Wow there is a lot to unpack here.” But this was 1997 and my parents just went along with it, not really caring as long as I went to bed when they told me to. While others may think something entirely different, I just chalk this up to being that boy crazy. I didn’t start wearing dresses until I hit puberty….but I’m already getting off topic and I don’t want this to turn into an episode of Big Mouth. Let’s try and remain focused here: I’m an obsessive person.

This is my Kindle library as of March 20, 2020:

There is a home movie of my two-year-old self pointing to my Tweedy Bird hat excitedly. “I have Tweedy Bird on my hat!” I repeat over and over with a lisp, clearly very excited I had something I loved on an item of clothing. Even then, when I loved something, I was all in. 

Combine my obsessive personality with my attraction to the male species? We descend into madness, my friends. From cartoon characters, to television shows, to actors, to rock stars, to actors again. I obsess most over men I don’t personally know. Think 25 years of pictures covering walls. Merchandise. Staying up till 3 am diving into the corners of the internet for every last drop of information I could get. 

And it all started with Bugs Bunny.

Bugs Bunny was my first foray into fangirl territory. It was that episode when Bugs Bunny dressed as a Viking woman that drew me into the Bugs Bunny portal of obsession. I wasn’t attracted to Bugs Bunny in drag, necessarily; I was more fascinated by the idea of Elmer Fudd falling in love with Bugs Bunny. That Bugs was a character that could be loved romantically. I know this sounds really bizarre and heavy, but I fully believe that I was fascinated by romantic love that early in my life. 

Soon I didn’t stop talking about Bugs Bunny. I had an entire Bugs Bunny tracksuit, slippers, and a doll. There’s a picture of me in my entire ensemble while holding the doll, ecstatic. For my fourth birthday my mom made me a homemade Bugs Bunny Halloween costume. Bugs Bunny was even my imaginary friend for a bit there. I must have worn out the Space Jam VHS tape.

Note the Bugs Bunny watch. 

That’s childhood obsession for you. When I loved Pokemon all I would do was talk about it and dream about it. 

Then it was Digimon. In twenty six years, it hasn’t stopped. Up until December of 2019, it’s been one TV show after the other, examples being Avatar the Last Airbender, Total Drama Island, The Office, The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Sherlock, Game of Thrones, Mr. Robot, Fleabag, Frasier, and most recently, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Harry Potter has always been a love for me, and I’ve been obsessed with two different book series: the comic books The Umbrella Academy (the show is a DISASTER compared to how good the comics are), and The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod (a book series about a vampire; as a bonus, see how many vampires you can count). A common theme for all of these things was the fact that I was attracted to a singular male character and their relationship to others.

In preparing to write this I wrote about 6 pages worth of notes, all ranging in obsession. To completely write about every single one would take a novel with each of my multiple obsessions being individual chapters. For example, during the Total Drama Island years I was constantly up till 3 am on the weekends making YouTube videos for the show. If you can find them...I’d be impressed. (But actually, please don’t.) I’ll try to provide a list and a little comment, as I split my obsessions into various categories. 

At 11, I discovered the Sprouse twins and my object of desire went from cartoon characters to actors. I was known as “the Sprouse twins” girl, specifically Cole, during sixth grade. This was the first time I covered my room and locker in posters. 

A year later, we jumped dramatically and came to my obsessive emo phase. While I listened to a lot of bands, my attention was turned mostly to Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy and Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance. (The latter I would later meet after MCR broke up when I was about 20 years old after his solo show,  and it was just as awkward as I could imagine). That’s when my room was completely covered in Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance posters. I wore a lot of black and those years were honestly my cringiest moments. Hey, we were all 13. 

I started to shift more from short, skinny, guyliner-wearing men and noticing tall, muscular, and handsome ones. I can pinpoint when I started to first feel sexually attracted to a man (at an appropriate age! I was going through puberty!) when I saw the trailer for Fantastic Four, and Chris Evans came out shirtless in a towel. Oh GOD what an ICONIC moment. Goodbye Sprouse Twins, hello six packs.

The summer going into high school, I saw The Dark Knight 3 times because of Christian Bale as Batman. He walked in wearing that tight black shirt and my expectations for men from there on out would never match up to Batman. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast seemed hotter now (you all know what scene I’m talking about), That attraction became the strangest when I remarked to my friend that Ultron was pretty hot for a robot. 

Maybe that’s why I love Kylo Ren so much. He’s the combination of two of my great loves: a buff emo. 

The high school years followed a somewhat similar pattern, but mostly actors more so than musicians. To be fair, in high school Fall Out Boy broke up and didn’t get back together till I was in college, and My Chemical Romance only released one album in my four years. So during high school and college there weren't really any “emo” guys or musicians to lust over. 

Now in 2020 I live in Brooklyn where every man and their mother is a “musician” so the whole idea turns me off. It was fun while it lasted though, and I’ll always be an emo kid at heart. I’ve seen Fall Out Boy 7 times in the last 10 years, and I paid an insane amount of money for My Chemical Romance reunion tour tickets. 

High school was a time where everyone was entering a more mature phase of their puberty journey, and for me, that was lusting after men over the age of 30. I had a hella crush on Zachary Quinto (who I saw walk past me once in the Village and I almost pooped my pants) even though I knew he was gay. I went through a Freddie Mercury phase for a bit too, I mean, come on, that chest hair.

I had a few months lusting after Colin Farrell after seeing him in Fright Night (which I recently found out was written by my favorite Buffy writer! seventeen-year-old me foreshadowing the present). In The Phantom of the Opera I sided with the Phantom the entire time, wishing that I could be seduced through opera in a hidden Parisian cave. My mom introduced me to Ryan Gosling who became my dream man. While reading Great Gatsby I had a huge crush on Seth Meyers who I would imagine Nick Carraway as. He does sort of look like Toby McGuire? He was the first of many goofy men that would lead to John Mulaney, Rob Delaney, Nathan Fielder, Ben Wyatt, and Niles Crane. Chris Pratt still fits into that category, though he’s the perfect combination of goofy and buff. When The Avengers came out my senior year of high school, I saw it 4 times in the theater. 

The British invasion didn’t happen until my senior year and defined my college years, with posters of Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hardy, Michael Fassbender, Eddie Redmayne, and James Norton. My feet ache thinking about the times I waited in line at a movie premiere or a film set to get a glimpse of any of these gents. When I saw Benedict Cumberbatch on set in Boston my knees gave out. Domhnall Gleeson is also in that group of fine British men despite being Irish. It’s why I always have a moral dilemma whenever General Hux comes on screen in Star Wars. Twice I had a hardcore crush on Seth MacFarlane, going to the Ted 2 set living in Boston, waving to him as he got into his car. I would meet him again 3 years later when I worked on Harry, looking like a total disaster. But he said “hi” to me which sent me to cloud 9. I once waited in a lobby of a show to meet Lee Pace even though I didn’t see the show. 

All of these men at one point adorned my room, desktop background, dorm room (which was covered in posters, no wonder I rarely ever had a boy in there), and phone background. Today my phone background is the throne room scene of Rey and Kylo in The Last Jedi. Why do you think I had Tweedy Bird on my hat? I need my obsession with me at all times and I want the world to see. 

(Thank God tattoos are expensive and I was too young to get them during my hardcore obsessions. Imagine if I had a giant Total Drama Island tattoo on my back? I shudder.) 

While a lot of the attraction for these men was based on personality, looks, and accents, I also have a tendency to become enamoured with villains and dark characters. In 1999 I was in the movie theater seeing The Phantom Menace. Up until that point, there were virtually no children featured in Star Wars films, so when a young Anakin Skywalker graced the screen, my five-year-old heart would not stop beating. I loved him so much, I carried a Pepsi bottle with his image on it everywhere I went. I slept with it. My comfort blanket was a Pepsi bottle with a picture of a nine-year-old boy. 

I had the famous Phantom Menace poster with young Anakin Skywalker with the shadow of Darth Vader behind him. I distinctly remember my dad telling me in the theater, “That’s Darth Vader as a little boy.” When I saw Return of the Jedi my favorite scene was when Luke took off Vader’s mask, because you got to see Vader’s real face for the first time. That Vader actually was a human and not a monster fascinated me to the point of obsession which, as you probably have figured out, still carries over to the sequel trilogy. 

Bugs Bunny established my fanaticism, but Anakin Skywalker determined my type: men presented as villains but actually are redeemed over time. Through the years I think I’ve enjoyed getting to figure out someone. Their character is presented as one dimensional, and then even the tiniest thing that strays from that is seen as fascinating. There’s a great quote from an Adam Driver profile in the New York Times that I think encapsulates it: 

“A manner so resolute that when some emotion does manage to escape - whether through a glint in his eyes or the unpredictable undulations of his voice - that transgression can’t help but take you by surprise.” 

Now my therapist says that probably comes with my need to help and fix the real boys in my life. We both joked that our favorite character in A Haunting of Hill House was the drug-addicted little brother. 

I think it is totally unfair, because I know that I can’t personally help them... though ok, she may be a little right.

While I enjoy “complicated” from afar, it does subconsciously fulfill the need for what I can’t do in reality, which is being someone’s reason to change. Mostly through love. Turns out, in real life, it is far less romantic to be dating someone with a lot of emotional issues! Who knew! 

You decide for yourself. Here are all the fictional characters I’ve obsessed over who fit this category: 

-Kylo Ren (I mean, duh)

-Prince Zuko (the original Kylo Ren)

-The Phantom of the Opera (Thank you, Leslie Knope)

-Damon from Vampire Diaries

-Hot Priest from Fleabag (ok not a villain but he’s supposed to be a holy man and you think aw he’s never gonna...AND THEN HE DOES!) 

-Mr. Darcy (again not a villain but he was to Elizabeth at first!!!!)

-Duncan from Total Drama Island

-Draco Malfoy (that bleached blonde hair attraction still hasn’t gone away, oops)

-Spock in JJ Abrams’s last good movie Star Trek

-Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (oh if my heart could beat it would break my chest, how many times have I cried over that sweet platinum blonde baby?) 

Look, I know this is all fictional and in no way real. None of these men exist and are all a fantasy. Hey, I watch You and am extremely creeped out by Joe! I don’t root for him! I also hope I don’t stay this way forever. I really don’t want to be a Twilight mom. I’ve calmed down in my old age, ok? I don’t wait in the cold for hours at a stage door anymore, and I go on real dates now. I’ve even had a few boyfriends in my days who were nothing like the men I lusted after nor did I even compare. 

I completely agree that all these men would be horrible to date! Draco Malfoy was totally a bigot and bully. Kylo Ren killed his dad, and I have a good relationship with my dad, so I can’t really relate. And yes, Spike before he got his soul is nothing to wish for in a boyfriend, even if it was fun to watch him. Kylo Ren and Spike have killed multiple people. I’m not down to date a murderer. 

One day I’ll be able to consume something I enjoy and move on after a week. Growing up, mundane suburban life was a little more interesting when you get lost in a fantasy for a while. To be focused on something other than school, work, or even your own anxieties. If anything, I think my obsessive personality towards men in particular just pushes me to look for more and to yearn for more instead of being depressed that I don’t get to live it. I don’t just settle for the first boy to like me back. I strive to one day not to marry a celebrity, a comedian, or an anthropomorphic cartoon character, but someone who makes me feel like I’m the heroine of my own show. 

For now, I’ll just wait for the Phantom to spring me into his underground lair. 

Taken 2 minutes before I published this. 

[pojkflata]

The signs as quotes from miscelleaneous Gaston Youtube Poops

Aries: "Everyone knows her father's a lunatic, he was in here tonight raving [cut to Maurice literally raving] Whoa, slow down Maurice" - Gaston's Ultimate Mission to Obtain Some Taco Bell

Taurus: "You see, I promised myself Taco Bell and right now I'm evolving a Pikachu" - Gaston's Ultimate Mission to Obtain Some Taco Bell

Gemini: "For his shit would remain in his ass for all time" - Gaston Gets Constipated

Cancer: "Every guy here'd like to BEE you, Gaston" - Gaston is a cannibal

Leo: "Every guy here loves you, Gaston" "No shit, this is a gay bar" - Gaston and Frollo Criticize Popular Culture

Virgo: "Belle, it's about time you got your head out of those books and paid attention to more important things. Like porn" - Gaston Seeks Satisfaction

Libra: "And don't I deserve donuts?" - Gaston Seeks Satisfaction

Scorpio: "DID YOU HONESTLY THINK SHE'D WANT YOUR DICK WHEN MY DICK IS LAAARGE?" - Belle and Gaston eats the Beast's Chicken Wings

Sagittarius: "Noooo oone licks Gaston" - Gaston plays Lefou's Quest IV

Capricorn: "Gaston, you've got to take more laxatives" - Gaston Gets Constipated

Aquarius: "Everyone's awed by gay decorating guys" - Gaston the homosexual

Pisces: "IT'S TIME TO FUUUCK THE BEEAAAAST" - Belle and Gaston eats the Beast's Chicken Wings

[bananabreaa-blog]

Disney World: Day 2-Feb 27th

Day 2: Magic Kingdom

I was most excited about Magic Kingdom prior to my visit. It didn’t disappoint me, it was just what I expected, MAGIC LOL

“TODAY IS THE DAY!” I woke up as my “Part of your world” alarm tone start ringing. I need to be pretty, cuz I'm meeting so many characters today! I wore the Tangle dress babe bought me and I curled my hair. 

The traffic isn't bad. I specifically picked to go on a Monday so we can avoid the crowd. We got off Uber and took the monorail to the park. There was a lot of people already -/- 

We got to the park around 10 am and we were almost late for our reservation at Big Our Guest restaurant! As soon as we got in to the part, we separated so I could go get the wheelchair for babe and he could go to the restaurant directly (with his broken leg)

The Big Our Guest restaurant locates in Fantasyland. There is a tiny castle that looks exactly like the one in the movie Beauty and the Beast. We walked in and waited a little bit before we got seated. There are three main dinning room and each is uniquely themed. We chose to dine in the ball room and it was absolutely beautiful! There were fake snow falling outside the fake window. Babe ordered the classic breakfast and I got a croissant. They also gave us drink, food bowl and a pastries platter. According to babe, the food taste like food, the sausage taste like expensive sausage. I thought my croissant was pretty good. It did fill us up through and I got to take a bunch of pastries to go hahaha.. and I knew it would come in handy. 

^just like the movie! 

After the breakfast, we were just walking around and getting some DAS pass. Fantasyland was pretty much the same as our Fantasyland in Disneyland. But its much bigger and has more small details in it. 

Like Gaston’s Tavern... 

Gosh, they were playing Gaston song and Babe kept singing the song WHOLE DAY OMG. 

We went on the Small World. It pretty much the same thing a the one in Cali, but just different doll arrangement. Fantasy land was really cute, much bigger and more “dreamy” haha 

ITS RAPUNZEL’S TOWER <3 <3 There’s also a small area where they have tons of cute Lanterns from Tangled! I love it! 

One of the most memorable moment of the day was when we lost the wheelchair lol. We went on the Seven Dwarfs rollercoasters, and i placed the wheelchair against the wall near a restaurant so we can walk around after we get off the ride. After wondering around for a bit, WE COULD NOT FIND THE WHEELCHAIR. omg it was so scary cuz our jackets were on it! so I kept walking and walking around but still can't find it!!! I swear I walked by the same place at least 5 times and it was no where. Then I thought they probably moved it to the strollers parking area. Yep I was right! It was there! hahaha omg it was so funny! 

The rides we went on: 

Small world 

Peter pan: man the ride was so long! and it wasn't as cool as the one we have in Cali cuz we have cool lights! 

Buzz lightyear’s space ranger spin: LAME the shooting gun was attached to the ride! oh man it sucked 

The magic carpets of Aladdin: its like dumbo ride, but the theres a small Arab area in adventure land and it was really cute!

Mickey’s PhiharMagic: SO CUTE! Mickey was the conductor and Donald was messing around.. Classic Mickey and Donald relationship!

Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor: it was really funny! they have real people(i think) and interact with the audience. It was really enjoyable! 

Prince Charming Carrousel: hehehe my all time favorite

Seven Dwarfs Mine Train: Newest ride! really smooth and it kinda spins! And there’s the small cabin where Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs live! 

Space mountain: dam it hurts, but i feel like its faster. Instead of two per roll, its solo riders

Walt Disney Carousel of Progress: its more like a show and the whole room spins! It tells story about the technology innovation of the past decades. I was low-key falling asleep haha

I also met a lot of characters!!!!!!!

Tiana: hehe I told her I like pink so she said she wants to make me a cute pink flower dress!

RAPUNZEL: oh mannnnnn i miss her :( the snap was so cute 

Fairy Godmother: she is so sweet! first time seeing her at Disney

Evil stepsisters: didnt really meet them but they were so sassy haha 

Belle: during the Enchanted meeting. didnt get to take pic :( 

We were pretty tired that day cuz of long walks. Fireworks was really pretty! we got lucky with a pretty good spot!

Hmm honestly i still like the Diamond celebration fireworks better... But the castle looked really pretty! 

After the fireworks it was already pretty late at night. So We went back to the Tangled area and I went to poop haha 

Babe and I took super cute pics :) 

hehehe and we went to get huge hotdogs and tiny corndogs for late night snacks. It was yum yum! 

It was a good day! I felt like I would enjoy more if there aren't that many people.. There are a lot of similarities between Disneyland and Magic Kingdom so honestly it was kinda whatever haha.. 

But seeing the castle makes everything so wonderful! Being with the right person also made my trip so memorable :) 

night 

[keeping-tabs]

not to be rude but the soundtrack for the new Beauty and the Beast movie does not sound... good

like I have nothing against Emma Watson but she just can’t sing, her voice is autotuned to a point where she doesn’t even sound human anymore, especially in Belle. not only that she sounds so uninterested, there’s no emotion behind her singing, when Paige O’Hara has such a lovely, expressive voice

in fact, all the townspeople in Belle sound completely flat and bored and it’s such a stark contrast to the original where everyone sounds distinct and expressive. it sounds so sad

Beast’s voice is also fucked up in Something There, again it sounds like they got a vocaloid to perform it, only this time they added a really shitty filter to it and it sounds almost sped up? idk, but it almost sounds like something from youtube poop lmao

Ewan McGregor and Emma Thompson actually sound decent though, nothing special but better than Emma Watson and Beast at least. I don’t like the slower tempo of Be Our Guest but it still sounds nice. weirdly enough, Thompson sounds nearly exactly like Helena Bonham Carter as Mrs. Lovett in Sweeney Todd, they have that same light, airy type of voice and the accents are similar. It sounds nice but also a little on the weak side. It’s funny because Thompson’s also played Mrs. Lovett before

Gaston and LeFou are easily the best part of the soundtrack for me tbh, and Gaston’s song and the Mob Song are the highlights of the soundtrack. Josh Gad can actually sing and isn’t just phoning in his performance like the leads, and while Luke Evans’ voice isn’t as deep as the original Gaston’s voice but he manages to make it work for him. he hits a pretty nice high note during Gaston and I was impressed. I actually liked the new lyrics for the Mob Song too, Gaston’s line like “in times like this they’ll do just as I say” and LeFou’s “there’s a beast running wild, there’s no question” work really well and it sounds to me like LeFou is realizing Gaston ain’t shit

like I really don’t mean to be that “they changed it so now it sucks” fan, but the original BatB soundtrack is so damn good and easily one of the best Disney soundtracks, so it’s hard to listen to this new soundtrack because it’s just so flat and unemotional. I don’t know why they didn’t cast actual singers in the lead roles. the movie would still do well with unknown actors, Disney!!

[opasium-blog]

Don’t date this guy

This is not one or the other; if one rings a bell, that's an instant red flag. I know, “take a risk on love” - that's what they say. But God said, Guard your heart. And if I knew then what I know now, I probably have saved myself a couple of heartbreaks. But we get up and we move forward, and while we do, we help other people along the way.

So I hope you find this helpful to you, one way or another; now or in the future.

1. Don't date the guy who's only gwapo.

This should be a no-brainer, but some girls just fall into the trap that is Mr. Pogi. I have seen a lot of interviews of many Filipino celebrities and I have come to realize that most of them, when asked about their ideal guy - he should be gwapo/hot/sexy/etc. Getting acquainted with a lot of people, and when you're single, you'll always be the first matchmaking victim and you'll often hear - "Si (name) lang imoha kay gwapo" - first, before they call out someone who's smart or someone who has a good reputation.

I won't be all goody-goody and tell you I don't hope for a gwapo boyfriend-future-husband (from now on referred to as BFH), come on, I also want my future kids to look good. Just like everyone else, I dream of my celebrity crush becoming my BFH. Crushing on someone gwapo is very natural, the face is what most of us first notice in a boy/girl, let's be real. But dating someone just because they look like Zac Efron is just a little shallow. Remember that his face cannot buy you great nights of funny conversation and witty exchange of banters or political opinion exchange over meal. Trust me, there’s so much you’ll be missing.

My lovely ladies, please understand that beauty should be second. A guy's gwapo face, a guy's abs, a guy's broad shoulders, etc., should be a bonus. Just as your beauty and your physical strengths are bonuses to your BFH. He may be a psycho and look like Brad Pitt for all we know - save yourself.

2. Don't date the guy who doesn't treat a female family member properly.

This one is tough because you'll never really know it until you "dig for deeper information". Of course the guy who has his eyes on you would want to let you see his "good side" and even if he treats his mom and sister/s sourly, you will never know. So the key is to be very vigilant.

In conversations, try to bring up a topic on family, a guy who has a good relationship with his family will be in full confidence in talking about it, but if has a rather difficult relationship with them, he'd be uncomfortable with it. But let's also remember how the human tongue is easy to deceive.

So, actions. As the saying goes: actions speak louder than words. If you get invited to a meal with them or met them somewhere, notice how he treats them. Observe how he introduces them to you and you to them. But let's also remember that the human mind is smart to know how to put up a show.

So, ask. Ask his family members if you can. But here's my tip, and take note of this: don't trust their words, trust their body language. See, if you're a family member asked about your brother, no matter how hard your relationship is with him, you'd still speak good about him - I guess because Filipinos are wired that way, or I could be wrong - but, your eyes, your arms, and other body parts will say things indirectly for you. So if you're a girl who wants to channel her inner Sherlock Holmes---body language.

Now, why is this important? Because how he treats his female family members is how he is going to treat you and your children in the future. These are the females he has grown up with and has known first, these are the people who know the real person behind his projections. If he can't treat basically any family member properly, my love, don't expect he will treat you any better in the future. I'm sorry but that's the truth.

3. Don't date the guy who has an addiction.

More than for personal reasons, a guy who has an addiction to excessive drinking or chainsmoking or any other addiction that is undeniably destructing to one's entirety, is a major red light for you. Sure you can tell me that you can change him or his love for you can change him, or that his addiction won't get the best of him but hey, you can't change a person who could not even change his own self. That is his responsibility, to take care of his body and to have self control.

Speaking of self control, there will be a time when his addiction will get the best of him because he lacks this value. He may be violent physically, emotionally, and/or mentally, and that's just how it will be. And by now you can argue, that your prayers for him will change him. Sure, that's a good start, but if he's not willing to change himself, then your prayers can only go so far.

This is why Jesus said you will be saved if you believe that God is your personal Lord and Savior, not "you will be saved because a lot of people have prayed for you to be saved", because change and resurrection from your past life is a PERSONAL choice. So don't try to change him, because you can't. Besides, you don't date/marry a person because you want to change him - he is a person, not a school paper that needs revision.

4. Don't date the guy who promises you the world.

Whenever I hear someone promising the world to a girl, I always imagine them with the F***B** signage up their foreheads. A guy who promises you the world is full of dog poop, and is just a man full of babble. Date a guy who doesn't promise you the world instead, for he knows the world is not his, get yourself a guy who promises to pray for you and with you, and to serve and worship with you.

5. Don't date the guy who thinks so highly of himself.

First thing's first, LOL.

A guy who thinks so highly of himself is not a man of God, believe me. When a guy is truly a Christian, he can already be so much and still keep his feet flat on the ground. Aside from the fact that guys who thinks so highly of themselves are naturally annoying, these guys can only love one person, and that is himself. Remember Gaston in Beauty and the Beast? Do we like her for Belle? No, of course not, because Gaston is so full of himself. He thinks he is the most charming, the strongest, the bravest, in the whole little town. He doesn't want to marry Belle because he loves her and he finds her amusing, no, he wants to marry Belle because he thinks she is the prettiest girl in town and a guy like him only deserves a girl as pretty as Belle. See, even in love he finds a way to make it about him.

A guy who thinks highly of himself is obsessed about who he thinks he is, and you can't compete with that. Never. Until he finds the soul to kneel before the Lord and realize that he is nothing without him, only then will he treasure a prized possession like you from Him.

6. Don't date the guy who has no future plans, at all.

The "bahala na" guy is a big no-no. I think it is acceptable for a guy to have a short list of plans, that's okay, maybe even better than a guy who's got so many plans but accomplishes none. But a guy who has no future plans AT ALL - Is he even planning to marry you in the end? How will you thrive? 

A guy with no plans at all is like a dead leaf in a forest just flying and falling - wherever the wind would take him. I'm sure that's a very ideal life for some, but come on, this is a hard world we live in, he should at least have plans on how he sees himself ten years from now, or if he ever wants to marry or not. (If you ask me, Wow Joey, I can’t think about marriage just yet! We’re just dating! My dear, if you cannot see your married life with him in the future, what’s the point of dating this boy?) 

Because your plans should be going well with his, and his with yours, since you will be each other's back support; but if you both are going to different directions, like a branch chopped up to the middle, your relationship will eventually break.

7. Don't date the guy who's Christianity is only skin-deep.

Some Christian women have become very vocal about how being in the Lord has become really attractive, and it still stands true. This is why I see skin-deep Christian males trying to put up this persona everywhere.

How do you know if a person is a fake Christian? They are these people who posts memory verses on social media but haven't really tried to read even the first page of the Bible. These are the people who share "religious viral photos" on social media but could not even discuss his faith to others. These are the people who puts up religious photos as wallpapers but loves to talk about filthy, worldly things. These are the people who are fast to post "#Prayersfor_____" on when it's trending but could not even lead a group in prayer, or maybe he doesn't even pray at all.

Be cautious about these guys. Don't date them because they don't deserve someone more precious than rubies. Don't date them because maybe their "love" for you is just as fake as their Christianity. Don't date them because if he cannot truly commit himself to God, and had to go through all the scheming and pretending, then he cannot truly and fully commit yourself to you. Guard your heart.

And this, my beautiful ladies, is a list of the guy/s you should not date.

I am praying for you. ♥

[geek-gem]

Beauty And The Beast

Well I’ve seen the new film with my Nana. Also let me explain about the Alien Covenant stuff heh cause I’m glad we went to Sierra Vesta at 3:55 pm heh just I was amazed just shocked that when we sat down I was just heh I was in this weird fanboy mode but in shock. Because okay I didn’t take the pictures well lol but just I needed to be quick it was almost time. Also the fact I asked my Nana to get my phone from her car was worried yet lol she was coming back. I cleaned the phone heh nicely first and just seriously it was so amazing.

Bit heh it’s but well the main thing is Beauty And The Beast and I mentioned this on DeviantArt.

I’m gonna be honest it’s been some what years heh since I’ve seen the original Disney movie. Mainly I’m a guy who wanted to give the film a chance despite some stuff heh. Sorry man including just the RT score helped me a bit.

I’ll be honest I know the animated movie but just I felt like I should of rewatched not rematched man. No offense but thinking about Andre’s Black Nerd Comedy’s review where he talks about nostalgia. I wasn’t really bothered by that heh.

I’ll okay put that again lol I liked the movie a whole lot. I honestly felt it was a nice respectful remake of the original animated film, all the actors were good. Including the songs were well done. Honestly I felt happy to see it. Including it was nice to see some kids including as me and my Nana were leaving they were saying by to us or me heh and I was saying bye too. Told their mom it seems they weren’t distracting me lol.

Just more about the movie. Also my Nana saw it once when she was gone for the month with some other family. She liked it seeing twice so she said heh she could focus.

Really yes some differences but honestly I’m trying to critique a bit. Yet the film was well done. Their was a lot of good in it. I thought it told the story well and just the characters were great also development. That was good too. To me personally just everyone did a good job with acting as their characters.

Also I’m just gonna talk about the Lefou thing is that how you spell his name heh. Yet the whole thing about him being gay I agree and understood people’s concerns. Including since I’m Pansexual.

Yet honestly just it’s not an important part of the movie heh not .love just typos heh man. In fact like I’ve been told on DeviantArt and spoilers it’s not really shown until the end g and it’s not much. But also my memories of the character from the original ether I think the original was a big more cartoony. Well not to sound stupid the original was an animated movie. This version seemed a bit more well no not well heh but let’s say a more chill just less crazy version. The guy who played him Josh Gad put had twice heh but he played him well.

I don’t wanna spoil much yet ether it’s just me the way he’s characterized in this film. I’ve been thinking of this man he seems a bit more sympathetic like seeing the difference between him and Gaston who’s well played by Luke Evans in this film. Their scenes with each other are well done yet though out the film you kind of see just in a way he’s not that evil or the fact he’s different compared to Gaston. In fact their relationship some what as friends shows yeah he’s not right for you.

I wanted to talk about that cause it’s a big thing with this film. About the gay stuff heh throughout the film you see their are at times he acts in a way quite friendly to Gaston but over time it kind of decreases man heh. I don’t wanna spoil it I rather let you guys see it.

Yet honestly I felt Lefou being gay wasn’t needed much. It doesn’t impact the story much which is a good thing heh man, and I’m all for LGBT representation yet I feel Lefou wasn’t really the way to go. Including why people are against it cause Lefou was in a way a villainous character. Yet in the new film their seems to be less of that heh sorry.

I should just stop talking about it like Emma Watson as Belle she does a well job even the singing. She heh nails the role of Belle just she does a good job man. Along with the guy who played Beast does a great job I seemed to love him the most. Also all of the sorry to say this servants heh. Including seriously Ewan McGregor I’m amazed by his acting heh just I keep remembering his performance in the Star Wars prequels and just he’s good as acting as a different character heh sorry think I should stop.

Because just I’m a bit worried also not gonna pit heh put tags for this. I’m worried of people attacking me cause seriously this film before it was released when information about some stuff and characters. Honestly I wanted to give it a chance. Including since I really liked The Jungle Book from last year which I thought was well made oh stomach heh from the popcorn not poop heh.

Really just…… honestly its been a long ass time lol since I’ve seen some Disney classics cause I seem kind of detached. Mainly I don’t mind these films not files heh just as not well just as long as their well made, and effort put into them. To be as great as their original counter parts. Yet I do feel even if I did not see Cinderella that was the one film that seem to started this whole new just when the live action remakes started to become good and on RT heh. I was kind of worried but I’m glad I had a good time. What I don’t like heh that they are treating like this film was the first of many bit but it isn’t heh.

Sorry just….worried of people disowning me heh chill mab man heh um not . Just heh it’s the period I’ll stop man um

Edit sorry bro edit and took off random words edit sorry bro heh