#all that motivation from yesterday night and i feel like im dying now.........

[chrisbangs]

man i wanna gif smth but i'm also so exhausted and my head feels like cotton ..

[h4venpha]

songs that make me think of trimax vashwood and why

MAJOR TRIMAX SPOILERS !!

like im serious please do not read if you haven’t finished the entire manga

oceans & engines by NIKI

- i saw a post on twt talking about where at some point in vashs immortal life, he starts to forget wolfwood. he begins to forget what his voice sounded like and how his hands used to feel in his.

- and instead he misses him more than anything. he misses the thought of him. and it hurts so badly that he cannot remember the only one he loves.

- oceans & engines is vash's last stage of grief: acceptance.

- “how is it now that somehow you're a stranger? you were mine just yesterday": this represents how regardless of vash's immortality and the decades he has lived after wolfwoods death, he still finds himself living the days he did with wolfwood. thats where he feels he truly belongs. hes finally caught up with the fact that its been years after his death and hes realizing that wolfwood is just a stranger to him again

- “i know ill be alright, some day ill be fine, but just not tonight.”: vash’s final push, a swear to himself that he’ll get over it and he’ll drop it for good. that this night will be the last night he grieves wolfwood. he knows that at some point he may forget everything about him but his name. too many years meeting too many faces and he can barely form wolfwoods in his mind. and hes accepting it.

- “this is the last falsetto, ill ever sing to you, my great lost love.”: his great lost love, what better wording for him and wolfwood!

welcome and goodbye by Dream, Ivory

- this song because of the unspoken mutual understanding of each others motives and wants/needs. so honestly this song can be from both perspectives.

- “thats the reason im afraid, youre the thoughts that cant be tamed.”: no matter what either of them do, its so very obvious of the vulnerability and understanding they share. even if they bicker so often (as seen in the manga), they cannot ignore the bond they share.

- like how is it that this man knows these things about me? how is it he knows exactly how i will act? that somehow hes the one who knows everything about me with ease?

- “and im trying to be sane, and im trying to be sane.”: this line is more vash imo. at the end after he kills legato, when hes talking about “you[wolfwood] died for him[livio], i couldnt let that go to waste”. this line and what he said shows how even in death, wolfwood has such an affect on him

- how vash went against his insanely stubborn, strict morals because of wolfwood

pistol by Cigarettes After Sex

- post trimax vash to deceased wolfwood

- “and ill waste my time, til you lift me off the floor and love me again”: vash talking about how he’ll waste the years of his immortal life waiting for wolfwood to come back to him. oh he knows its impossible, but he can’t help but hope, hope that somehow wolfwood will find his way back to him

- he knows wolfwood won’t come back? yet he still waits, he waits and waits for all of eternity for him because he doesnt know what else to do

- “i know if i saw you, and we kissed just once; you could be happy, maybe you’d come back”: hes oh so desperate. vash who only realized the depth of his feelings for wolfwood as ww was dying. he cursed himself day and night that he never got the chance to kiss him at least once

- maybe if he kissed him or said something he wouldnt have died, its silly to say but hes so so desperate.

- he wants just one more chance to see wolfwood, to feel him and kiss him, maybe then he would decide to come back to him.

[agirldying]

upon anon request i'll share some updates with me:

idk if i mentioned this b4 but i'm getting an apartment with my boyfriend in august and i'm more excited than i can explain! it's a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment about 10 minutes from our campus and the place is super clean and modern! we're both excited to not only get away from stressful/noisy roommates but to live together. I'm also glad that we have our own bedrooms because I think having the opportunity for privacy will be super useful, especially since we're both on the spectrum on some level. it is a little soon admittedly (we will be together for 10 months when we move in together), and move-in will be the first time our families fully meet, but I wouldn't do this if I wasn't confident that my boyfriend is a perfect match and has consistently proven that to me.

i also made a poetry chapbook last semester and it just came in the mail today from my professor! i want to find some way to make copies of it (I taped my art to it after it was officially printed) so I can maybe sell some or just make it publicly accessible. It was really cool to learn how to make my own book, formatting book folds through word and being mindful about how pages will print (first paper will be pages 1 and 29, then 2 and 28, etc) as well as looking into cover paper like cardstock. I decided to call the chapbook A Girl, Dying, and my author bio mentions this blog!

i'm currently taking journalism 101 which is kinda interesting but asynchronous makes it really hard to feel motivated to complete assignments. Thankfully all assignments are due friday nights so I just do my hw on friday mornings if not thursdays. i'm doing alright so far, I have like an 86 so I'm not mad about that as a B student.

umm what else... it's still mentally difficult to be home now that i've processed all the trauma i experienced at home when i was away in college, and it's especially difficult to sleep in the same bed where, you know, some things happened. so i'm just trying to stay occupied or dissociated or a combination of the two. therapy starts sometime this week for me but it's unclear when yet, i'm waiting for the counseling services to clarify a date and time. i really feel like i need it asap especially because my existential ocd is just getting progressively worse and I had a scary panic attack for the first time a few days ago. the existential ocd is also feeding into my dpdr so i'm honestly struggling to stay on earth mentally.

i think something that could not only help ground me but heal my cptsd is dance therapy, and i pitched it to my parents the other night and they were both in enthusiastic support so hopefully that'll be arranged soon. i'm in no way a dancer but ofc that's not the point. i just want a safe space where im encouraged to move however feels most liberating, surrounded by others with similar difficult backgrounds doing the same thing. i think that could make me feel way more confident in my body (my abuser was the only person in my life to tell me my body was nothing to be proud of, whereas literally everyone else who has seen my body essentially tells me i could be a model lmao).

in lighter news i have been playing wizard101 lately and reached karamelle yesterday (i'm stuck on gobbsmacked tho) but my necromancer reached lvl 150. my diviner reached level 50 something and is in celestia, and i have a life wiz in krok named mary jade leaf in homage to that good kush.

I've also been getting into strawberry hospital and dltzk since 100 gecs turned me onto that whole genre. Click previous hyperlink to see what I've been listening to non-stop.

I think that's pretty much it. i guess i'll keep this up since i've posted updates in the past. thanks for reading :3

[sillyguyhotline]

k. i finished logic route today and i'm beginning to play emotion route, but ngl, i'm not exactly sure if i'm the biggest fan of 3-1b so far? i sort of mentioned it in some of my ramblings last night but i do feel like the sense nankidai created earlier in the game, that everyone's actions have severe impact, have been diminished slightly. i feel like part of that is because of the introduction of the dolls; when you have a mechanic where an exact replica of the dead can be brought back to life, deaths begin to feel like they have less meaning. hence the whole q-taro thing. i do think that he got a satisfactory ending to his character arc, and his death definitely made me sad, but his doll just showing up and being like "yeah im not actually him im a doll lollll" and then fucking dying felt so rushed. same with alice/reko's death. maybe it's just because there's nobody left to significantly grieve the surviving yabusame sibling, but i honestly feel like everyone forgot about them dying as soon as they did. sara should have been a lot angrier imo. plus, we got 2 major human deaths and all the dummies got killed off. in the span of HALF a chapter. that just doesn't rub me the right way. it amazes me that a chapter segment that took me 9 hours to complete managed to feel so rushed, but it definitely did. deaths in this game don't feel consequential anymore, and it doesn't feel like nankidai did that on prupose. like i said yesterday, one of my favorite things about the game prior to chapter 3 was how human the deaths and the grief suffered afterwards felt. but now barely anyone bothers to acknowledge the deaths that occurred before this chapter, and the ones that do happen in this chapter don't feel processed that well. i'm really, REALLY hoping that this is because everything that's happened to sara in the logic route has desensitized her and that it'll be different in the emotion route, but that's probably not going to be the case.

i also mentioned this as a joke a few days ago, but the stakes feel so much lower. i mentioned that midori was just sort of fucking around and not really doing anything, and i don't like that very much. the group is essentially held to their own objectives. there's a timer for how long keiji has until he's incinerated, but it doesn't actually come into play in the game. in chapter 1, the threat of the oh-so-suspicious Main Game was looming over everyone's head. in chapter 2, the characters were held to clear time limits. even in 3-1a, they have a clear, floormaster-motivated objective of tagging him. now everyone, including the floormaster, is just fucking around and doing whatever and i'm not a huge fan of that.

shin just also isn't a threat during this chapter. at all. he has one offhanded line about how he views everyone as no different from midori (a sentiment that he already voiced almost word for word in 3-1a anyway) and that's it. my thoughts on this are kind of mixed. on one hand, i think it's kind of interesting that as much as shin promised to be a threat and to avenge kanna, the threat posed by saving him is actually the toll that his actions had on sara. his manipulation motivated sara to put more value into her own life, which consequently led to her voicing those thoughts to ranmaru and ranmaru literally fucking hanging either alice or reko. he turns sara into the monster she never wanted to be and compromises her leadership. i sort of like that. however, while that makes sense in terms of writing, it doesn't in terms of the story itself. you're telling me that he showed her one shitty ai and then was like "ok cool im just gonna be a chill member of the group now" ??? it just seems like another example of things no longer having consequence and i'm not a huge fan of that.

overall, it feels like nankidai set himself up to accomplish too much this chapter. he introduced too many new characters and too many new plot points, and addressing all of them came at the consequence of character development and the writing style from the previous chapters.

[lovelynyeongie]

title: music to my ears

author: lovelynyeongie

pairing: youngjae + reader

genre: fluffyfluffyfluff + oneshot

summary: youngjae hears you singing in the shower to the song that he recently covered

word count: 1,030 words

a/n: ive been listening to youngjae’s cover of square by baek yerin a lot and pls my heart cannot handle we’ve been waiting for this king (the same with when he covered ’to my youth’ dang pls if you need me im in the corner crying)

date: 071320

”I’m home!”

Youngjae yelled, waiting to hear the sound of your voice but there was no answer.

He heard a bark and looked down, ”Good thing you answered me, Coco,” He grinned and rubbed her head, chuckling at how excited she was to see him.

”Coco-ya, where's my other baby hm?” He crouched down and asked the confused dog cutely.

The pup ran away from him and went into a room, Youngjae smiled and stood up again.

”Ah, I'm so exhausted.” He huffed, removing his bag and placing it onto the nearest table.

He went into the kitchen to grab something to drink when he heard a song playing in the distance. He placed the glass of water on the counter and slowly went where the music was coming from.

All the colors and personalities

He found himself inside the bedroom where the music was getting louder and he was surprised.

”My voice?” He questioned.

You can't see right through what I truly am

He saw your laptop playing his latest cover in Dingo with the speakers connected to it making the song blast out even louder.

”Huh, it's even on loop.” He said.

You're hurting me without noticing

I'm so, so broke like someone just robbed me

Youngjae sang along quietly and roamed inside the bedroom, he brushed his fingers on the Polaroid photos pinned onto the corkboard that you've taken together.

I'm no invincible

I have much memories of getting more weaker

”Where is she?” He asked himself as he laid down on the bed.

No, I'm not loveable

But you know what you'd have to say

He suddenly heard a voice coming from the bathroom, he quickly stood onto his feet and went a bit near to listen.

“Come on let’s go to bed, we gonna rock the night away,” Youngjae heard the sound of your voice inside the bathroom, “who did that to you, babe, if you’re not in the right mood to sleep now then...”

”I didn't know she could sing...” He felt butterflies in his stomach as he discovered something new about you.

He continued to listen, sitting down onto the carpeted floor with his back leaned against the bathroom door, a smile plastered onto his face, and his heart beating fast as he hears how lovely your singing voice is. Your singing kept going until it reached the bridge part of the song where you finished taking your shower.

”You’re the only one, who saw my yesterday,” Youngjae grinned as he heard you belted out the note, ”the one who knows I'm here alive today.”

He felt his heartbeat even faster at how much he loved the small things that you do that he didn't know.

”Comfort me say, what I mean to you,” He closed his eyes as he sang along, ”you should know what you have to say.”

Youngjae’s singing got cut off when he found himself unexpectedly knocked down onto the bathroom floor as you opened the door. He stared at you with wide eyes from the tiled flooring he is laying on.

”Youngjae?”

He promptly stood up and smiled at you nervously.

��H-hi...” He stammered.

”I’m sorry I didn't hear that you came home already, I didn't get to prepare dinner since I showered.” You apologized.

”No it's fine, I can wait.” He smiled at you and kissed your cheek.

You suddenly remembered that you were playing his cover out loud and quickly went to your laptop and paused it, blushing at the fact that he heard you playing it.

”Did you like my cover?” You heard him ask behind you.

You blushed even more, ”y-yeah, I've been waiting for you to sing it since you posted a teaser of it. Plus, it's one of my favorite songs.” You admitted.

”I guess that's why it’s on loop,”

You turned off your laptop.

“And made you sing along.”

You turned to him with wide eyes, seeing his smug expression.

”How long have you been listening?” You carefully asked him.

”Not too long, since the start of the song.” He grinned at you as you looked at him in shock.

You covered your face and sat on the bed.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, sitting next to you on the bed.

”I can't believe you heard me sing like a dying whale,” You huffed, ”I've probably made your ears bleed.”

You heard his loveable laugh, ”why would it be bleeding when it's music to my ears?” (a/n: oH tHeRe iT iS)

You snickered at his response.

”What?” He asked.

”That’s a lie.” You said.

”No it's not! Why would I lie to you?” He said, looking offended.

”Just say you hate my voice. Come on, don't be shy.” You told him.

”Babe, I'm telling the truth. Why on earth would I hate your singing voice when I like your voice in general? Heck, I would ask for you to speak a lot for no good reason and it won't even bother me, let alone sing,” He said, ”when I heard you sing, it fluttered my heart, giving me a lot of unexplainable feelings and all I can just say is I want to keep on hearing you sing cause I didn't even know you had that talent. So don't be shy around me when you're singing, I love everything about you and all the things that you do.” He smiled, holding your hand.

You became flustered at his confession.

”How did I get so lucky to have you?” You asked quietly, intertwining your fingers with his, ”you always know how to cheer me up.”

He flashed you a smile that you grow to love even more, if it’s even possible.

”So does that mean I can hear you sing more? We could do a duet whenever we go karaoke and it’s also time that���s it’s finally your turn to sing a lot rather than me.” He persuaded, softly nudging your side.

”Who knows.” You teased, planting a kiss on his cheek as you stood up to get dressed, leaving him whining.

Since then, you never got shy over showing him your talents knowing that he’s there to support and motivate you in everything that you do.

[dear-yandere]

—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!! 

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go 😳 this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich​: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian. 

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though 🥺. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe​, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two:  hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!

[dreamsafterhours]

college boyfriend!markhyuk au series: III (mark’s pathway)

a universe in which roommates!markhyuk meet each other's s/o in class

markhyuk are roommates, my/n and dy/n are roommates, mark and dy/n take classes together and so do donghyuk and my/n — how will their fates intertwine?

genre: fluff pairings: mark+my/n (fem), donghyuk+dy/n (fem), platonic!mark+dy/n, platonic!donghyuk+my/n format: dotpoint AU universe: non idol, college bf warning: some swearing

masterlist

or click here to meet your soulmate, paediatrics!donghyuk!

II ⇤ | III | ⇥ IV

III: 별빛이 내린다 샤라랄라랄라라 (2+2=4)

the meeting of two souls: mark & my/n

hi hello good day how are you? i hope you're well today/tonight this is like 3 weeks late isn't it :D pls don't come after me i lost some motivation to write for a while but here i am now so let's get to it!!

aight so you met donghyuk's roommate for the first time yesterday and,,

you honestly had NO IDEA someone could be that cute

highkey regretting not asking for his name but you were so caught up in lingering on the fact that he implied you were pretty , like wHO DOES THAT ASDFKJL

you highkey shouted the verbal equivalent of a keyboard smash with ur roommate and she was all !! oh so this guy cute cute

you were contemplating whether or not to sneakily ask donghyuk for his name but you were worried bc hyuk has,, crazy sense when it comes to reading people and seeing through their words

and honestly you didn’t want to have to deal with hyuk potentially teasing the shit out of u for having a maybe crush on his roommate whom u’d just met

so you just beat your pillow sleep on it after your roommate reminds you it’s getting late and no life decisions should be made after 12am!! live by it

you wake up craving jjajangmyeon but alas if you were to get any satisfaction of that kind of hunger, it was going to have to wait because

~~ we love ~~ packed schedules ~~ in this house ~~

i hopes the sarcasm was noted in that previous sentence bc now u wish for life to cease

4 weeks into the semester and you were drowning in the midst of reports and lab pracs and content and revision

you were ready to ascend to the next life with only regret and an ability to vaguely explain the properties of a prokaryotic cell and endosymbiosis

but honestly donghyuk’s been a big help throughout the past month

your only friend in classes

official study buddy

2am revision session consultant

personal older brother bc he claimed you as his adoptive sister

another reason your roommate told you to go to bed was bc you literally have

a tutorial class + 2 consecutive 1.5 hour lectures + a 3 hour lab class to finish your day off

with no break for lunch in between :’((

looks like you’ll be starving through your library study session with dy/n

but oop

you find that dy/n had stayed up long after you’d fallen asleep writing her essay 

leaving your dorm feeling a twinge of guilt that u might have distracted her from focusing on her work to listen to your rambles and kept her up later than she should have been

but a text from her in the afternoon reassures u that honestly she wasn’t even planning to write that essay and The Feels™ had just hit her last night and that she made it to class

you: oh PHEW that’s good

you: sorry i didn’t wake you up on my way out, u looked so peaceful i couldn’t bear to disturb

dy/n 🦁: dw dw it’s all g i made it n e way

dy/n 🦁: also is it cool if my friend and his friend comes to the study sesh as well we have to go through some lecture content

you: ah yes don’t see why not :)) i’ll probs have my earphones in the entire time anyways lmao won’t affect me

but will it

“who u texting in the middle of diffusion” cue hyuk peering over at the phone you’re hiding in your lap

you click your tongue at him and lock your phone, “someone twice the man you’ll ever be”

he gasps in mock horror like he’d just witnessed a murder as quietly as he can ,,

“you’re texting a guy? in the middle of diffusion?”

“no. my roommate lmao”

“and what? is it me or your roomma—”

“—my roommate” you glance back up at the prof without looking at him

“ouch”

“you dare?”

“if i don’t dare, who will”

and due to this exchange, you miss the osmosis slide

“ah shit what was osmosis again”

“lmfao what makes u think i know that”

(pause)

“isn't it just.. net movement of free water molecules from an area of high concentration to an area of low concentration”

sorry my bio neural pathways are being excited again after being revisited for the first time in two years

/stares at him/ “why was that infuriating to hear from u”

after class you prepare to head to your dreaded 3-hour lab class you have with donghyuk but he stands up and stares into the void blankly

“where am i going”

“where do u think”

“oh, hell, most likely”

you scoff at the accuracy and drag him out of the lecture hall

you look at donghyuk and he’s visibly resisting the urge to poke your cheek when he first puts on his gloves

“what’s with you today”

he stares at his hands forlornly, “idk ask that to my timetable”

“week 4 got u dead huh”

he glances at you with a frown, “don’t act like u’re not dying too”

“damn. touché”

to your dismay, the lab class runs later than scheduled and you get out of it 20 minutes after it was meant to finish but luckily it’s your last class

with a quick goodbye to donghyuk and a text letting dy/n know you were going to be a lil late, u stop by ur dorm to pick up ur textbook before rushing to the library

you were highkey exhausted and just. famished by that point

but a promise is a promise and you weren’t going to back out of one now

especially when you felt like you owed your roommate one and it was you who originally suggested a library session

so you get to the library, bag strap slung over your shoulder, checking the photo of the seats dy/n had saved for you in the library

highkey getting lost once or twice but you manage

you get to the general area and spot dy/n sitting at a four-seater (wow how’d they get that) but you

freeze when you see who’s sitting next to her

it’s ??

????????

????????????????

/error 404/

????????????????

????????

ur heart goes into panic mode bc

it’s not even kidding it’s donghyuk’s roommate

and despite ur brain short-circuiting

you manage to remember that dy/n had said that mentioned her friend’s.. roommate.. also coming along..

and if her friend was donghyuk’s.. roommate..

you: :                             )

you: oh my god they were roommates

and speak of the devil

“oh hey fancy seeing u here”

you turn around and it’s donghyuk legit chills right there

you barely reply a “hi”

“i thought u were going to ur dorm for dinner”

“ah yeah—no i’m.. gonna go over some.. diffusion”

“oii! over here dude” his roommate whisper-yells out at donghyuk

dy/n waves at you “heYY my/n”

donghyuk waves and turns back to you “welp i’m gonna join a study group.. you could join if you came alone? i’m sure they won’t mind”

“about that”

“u waiting for someone?”

“i’m going over there too”

“what?”

he glances over at the table and then back to you

“that’s my roommate. right there next to your roommate”

you point her out and then donghyuk’s jaw drops

“what the fUC—” and you both. burst iinto laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation

like ?? how???

“wOW r u KIDDING”

“HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN”

“talk about a coincidence.. oh my god my cheekbones hurt” he says as he clutches his side

so you get to the table and dy/n tries to introduce u to donghyuk’s roommate

“mark, this is my/n, my/n this is mark”

ah yes so mark is his name, you think

cute name for a cute boi

“nice to meet you again, mark”

dy/n: “?? again?”

mark gives u a rlly wide smile “yeah we’ve met. hi my/n”

you swear you’ve never had your heart flutter like this

fdksoafjadgioarigilf

then mark introduces dy/n to donghyuk and they start talking about how they’re your legal guardian and telling the other to “get in line”

leaving you in middle like “ok mum and dad” but also thinking back to when donghyuk was highkey flirting with you,, and now how he’s flirting with dy/n ,, oh dude he’s flirting

and highkey ,,, you don’t have any hard feelings about it ,, you know she’s also got this kind of humour code and she’s far more comfortable with meeting new people

until dy/n jokes about custody rules and donghyuk replies with “who says we’re split”

ok mum and dad

n e ways you came to study and study you will

so you settle down and go through your notes for the day

albeit being a lil distracted by mark who sits right across from you somehow, somewhy,,

somewhy should be a word you can’t tell me how to english

you keep wanting to steal glances at him but you have to physically restrain yourself from doing so

and also donghyuk who keeps poking u under the table and texting u even though he’s right next to you

💩hyuk: bro

💩hyuk: bro

💩hyuk: bro

💩hyuk: bro

💩hyuk: bro

you: wHAT

💩hyuk: nvm lol

you: im boutta slap u. give me my pen back i saw that

💩hyuk: damn

💩hyuk: also r u hungry

you: terribly

you: why

💩hyuk: does ur roommate have any allergies

you: not that i know of

you: again

you: why

you: u buyin?

💩hyuk: 🤡<- you

💩hyuk: 🤡, how do you feel about dinner

you: invalid question. no variable answer

💩hyuk: alright, 🤡. im not buying for u

you glower at him but he isn’t looking at u,, he leans back and laments about how he’s craving chinese food

did he read your damn mind how did he know

and apparently he’s read dy/n’s mind too at how she jumps up at the mention of chinese and agrees profusely

so you find yourself abandoning your studies for the rest of the night and in a restaurant lmfao

“chill,, guys,,, jjajang is fine”

rock paper scissors for the cheque ends in mark’s tears

“no it’s ok. i’m ok it’s our first meeting as a fateful group and it makes sense! for me to pay”

after you satisfy your cravings the boys walk dy/n and you back to your dorm

mark tells dy/n to give him her bag for him to carry and while she practically gives it up to him, he has to insist that he’ll carry yours too

to which you’re like omg no it’s fine i can carry it it’s not that heavy i swear—

until donghyuk takes ur bag off ur shoulder and passes it to mark

because of the narrow path, you’re forced to walk in pairs and you end up walking next to donghyuk who makes happy sounds about how good that food was and how priceless mark’s face was when he lost rock paper scissors

then dy/n takes the initiative to make a group chat for you four,, asking for donghyuk’s number to add

you give her a look like damn gurl but you have no idea if she saw or if she just ignored you on purpose lmfao

also donghyuk looked way too happy afterwards

either way you slapped her when you got back to the dorm like “SINCE WHEN WERE YOU SO ?? BRAVE?”

dy/n: um

dy/n: honey

dy/n: have you met me

and thus the chaos of a group chat was born and just like a real child, you spent hours on it

dy/n 🦁: ok we inside

you: thanks for dinner again mark!

💩hyuk: he says you’re welcome

💩hyuk: i say we “accidentally” lose our purses next time we go out

you: nah you’re paying next

💩hyuk: y

💩hyuk: y, 🤡

dy/n 🦁: yes y, 🤡

dy/n 🦁: HAHAH WHY IS SHE 🤡

💩hyuk: i thought you of all people would know

dy/n 🦁: why is she just as dumb in class as she is in the dorm?

💩hyuk: i knew it

dy/n 🦁: she poured too much hot water into her tea the other day it overflowed and spilt onto her foot

mark: oh no were u okay

💩hyuk: looks like you’re gonna have to study osomsis

💩hyuk: osmoiss

💩hyuk: fuck

you: yes i’m okay it wasn’t that hot i had socks on too

💩hyuk: osmosis

dy/n 🦁: avoided tragedy luckily

💩hyuk: finally

you: there is a reason you’re saved as 💩hyuk on my phone

dy/n 🦁: HAAHAHAHAHHAHAH

seriously you just don’t know just how much this group was going to mean to you yet

click here to meet your soulmate, paediatrics!donghyuk!

II ⇤ | III | ⇥ IV

shoot me an ask if you’d like to be tagged in future parts!

[fallen029]

Familial Partings

They were both asleep.

The kinda sleep you get when you're tangled up in the blankets (and another person), after having been so tired, so exhausted the night before that you just passed out, eventually, and were dead to the world. The kind of sleep you got when you were completely free of all responsibility the next day and had no intention of awakening at the dawn. Perhaps even noon.

The kind of sleep that typically eluded the cantankerous dragon slayer and pretty eyed bartender.

Mirajane usually had to be down at the bar just as the dark sky began to lighten, in order to properly open up the place for daily business. Laxus, on the other hand, typically either found himself out on a technical S-Class that required him to be up early and, when this wasn't the case, adhered to a strict regimen of training that involved early morning attention. Both were rare to escape these constraints.

But when his woman, his demon, told Laxus the afternoon prior that she was going to be off the entire next day, well, fuck, all his plans went right out the window and all he wanted to do was be with her. In ways they typically couldn't. She giggled at the idea of sleeping in and then going out to brunch together while Laxus imagined their evening together, later that night, with a fancy dinner and, hopefully, a happy ending.

It was perfect. It was great. It was...flawed, because they forgot one essential thing.

"Well, it's over, boss. I'm packin' it in."

They had the least accommodating family/friend group in the world.

"Bickslow, what?" Laxus grumbled as he stood there, still rubbing sleep from his eyes, as he held open the front door to reveal one of his bodyguards. "What's going on? And what's with that box of stuff in your hands?"

"It's for you," he said simply. "And Mrs. Boss. To remember me by. Nice skivvies, by the way."

Laxus refused to be shamed for his special heart adorned boxers from his love in his own house. Still, he did step behind the door a bit more, a snarl in his tone as he questioned, "What's going on? You offin' yourself or somethin'?"

"Nope."

"Right, couldn't be that lucky."

"I," Bicslow informed him as, when the man wouldn't take the box he outstretched to him, the seith instead moved to drop it on his doorstep, "am hitting the road."

"I'm going to hit you if you don't fuck off."

"Ah, boss, you sly dog, you," he snickered as, the five wooden babies to circled the man's head, gave off their own unsettling chuckles. "I loved ya, you know that? The entire time."

"Bickslow," Laxus complained as the seith pushed up his sallet. "Seriously, are you fucking dying or something? Because if this is some kind of ruse-"

"No ruse. Just some man to man loving."

"Yeah, that's great, but I was having some dragon to demon loving and snuggling going on before you started knocking at my door. So if you're all set-"

"After you take this box of my belongings, I will be."

"If that's all it takes-"

"Dragon, what's going on?"

Mirajane was there then, peeking around the door as well. Bickslow whistled lowly, at the sight of her in her robe and Laxus, immediately, took to dragging the woman closer to him with a glare.

"Bickslow here," Laxus grumbled, "was just leaving."

"Mrs. Boss," the seith greeted instead. "Ah, this is so hard. I'm tearin' up, out here. I hoped to just speak to the boss here- No. You know what? I can't anymore. Do this. Call the two of you that. Mirajane. Laxus. Two of the dearest friends I know. We've had some ups, we've had some downs, but I just want you both to know, throughout it all, I saw you both for what you really were; my girlfriend's sister and her sister's boyfriend."

Again, his sallet was pushed up, to wipe an eye, and while Mira was staring in awe of this, Laxus only narrowed his own eyes.

"What exactly is going on here?" he questioned the other man. "Bickslow? What's up with you? Are you high? Or on some sort of illicit drug? Because Freed's the guy you go to with that shit. Not us."

"Illicit- Ah, Laxus. You always were a bit outta touch, eh? Me and my controlled substances. You and your alcoholism."

"I'm not an alcoholic!"

"Well," Mira began and ugh.

"We were quite the pair at one time, weren't we?" Bickslow questioned. "Why, it feels like just a few days ago, we were slinging back shots up at the guild and getting shitfaced while mackin' all all the hot girls."

"We've never done that. Together. And you've definitely never done that at all, with anyone." Then Laxus glanced to his side at the frowning Mirajane and insisted, "Neither have I."

"And Mirajane. Blessed Mirajane." Bickslow sighed softly, his dolls somehow harmonizing with this. "Feels like only yesterday I was sitting up at the bar, while you were there, working the bar."

"I mean," the woman remarked, "that's such a generic memory it probably did happen yesterday."

"Long were the days, huh, guys?" Bickslow whistled low. "I remember, Laxus, the first time we met. There I was, knee deep in your grandfather's pants-"

"What?" Mira asked as Laxus growled.

"Pockets," the slayer complained. "You were trying to pickpocket him and I caught you."

"I'm glad you look back on that fondly as well," the seith snickered. Then, looking to the woman, he said, "Then us, Mira, we were always clandestine, huh? Never could get that timing down."

"What are you talking about?" the woman questioned as Laxus was trying to decide if it would be worth it now just to strike the other man down with some lightning.

"Don't play shy," Bickslow insisted. "Coy. Obtuse. Dense."

"I'm not playing anything," Mira assured him and Laxus, though not wishing to, had to nod at that.

She wasn't.

"I was the one you were originally after," Bickslow went on. "Remember? In the beginning? You were this close to bein' mine and then the bo- Laxus. Laxus swooped in and stole you away."

"I...don't remember that at all."

"'cause it ain't what happened," Laxus assured her.

But, of course, Bickslow only shrugged as he insisted with varying inflection, "Tomato, tomato. What's important is that, after all this, all the ups and downs, all the secrets and stories, revelations and rendezvous. The trips! The adventures! That time I passed around your sex tape like it was a hot commodity."

"Alright, time to leave." Laxus didn't even sound pissed. Couldn't force it. Just took a step towards the other man, menacingly, while Mirajane made a face. "Now."

"I'm goin', I'm goin'," the other man insisted, taking a step back of his own while his babies, always fearful of being struck down by the slayer, flew further back as well. "I just, uh, wanted to give you guys this." And Bickslow kicked at the box then. "It's some stuff, you know? For you guys to keep? Give it to your kid. When you have one. 'cause oh, man, I just know you'll have one. Or two. Or three. But give 'im this. In remembrance of me and all. I probably wouldda been his favorite uncle."

"Bickslow...are you sick or something?" Mirajane asked as Laxus, still tense, eyed the other guy with uncertainty.

"Nah," he told her with a shake of his head. "Nothin' that sad. Just the sadness of partin' from your friends. Your family."

"Parting for where?" Laxus questioned, suspect of the seith's motives.

"Dunno yet, honestly, bo- Laxus." The man frowned then, looking at his feet with a shrug. "Where does a dark knight like me go, eh? When he's done here? A place like here? Fairy Tail. Can't rightly force myself to walk into the hall, get this old thing removed." And his stuck out his tongue, flashing his guild marking. As it was slurped back up, between his teeth, he said, "Think I'll probably keep it for now. A member in name. In spirit. But-"

"Where," the slayer questioned again, sounding more serious now, "are you going, Bickslow?"

"Wherever the big open road takes me." He laughed then, humorlessly, as he shook his head. "My parents were wanderers, you know. Travelers. With a circus! I'm not much one for that sorta thing these days, but I think their restless spirits, their travelers hearts, their wonderlust, its all built up inside of me, leading me on, yeah? I came here, to Magnolia, to Fairy Tail, because I needed a home. And friends. And family. But I've gotten that. I've tasted that. And while I'm thankful for it, for every single person who showed me any portion of that, throughout my years here, it's just time. For me to move on to the next phase in my life. The road's callin' and me and my babies are answering. I'll miss you. Both of you. Especially you, Laxus. But if you came to me, with the same request, I'd grant you with the warmest send off I could think to give. So I hope you return the favor."

They all stood there for a moment, the three of them, while the dolls floated about aimless, but captivated by their father's words. Mirajane and Laxus felt that, honestly. Captivation. He'd never spoken so eloquently, so from the heart, his true heart, not that character he chose to portray when they all got together. This was the real Bickslow, speaking to the real Mirajane and Laxus, and though their relationships all intersected and entwined so heavily, the idea of him unweaving his abruptly didn't bring them hesitance, but rather understanding.

After all, who knew better about the metamorphosis of one's life and standing more than Mirajane Strauss and Laxus Dreyar?

"Oh, Bickslow," Mira gushed as she jumped forwards then, from her place in the doorway, to go hug him. Tripping over the box at their feet in her gusto, she fell into the arms of the man, who hugged her tightly in return, and they weren't the most strained relationship of their Thunder Legion/Strauss sibling power group, but certainly one of the more underrated. But as they embraced that day, tightly, there felt like there was nothing stronger than the bond between them. Into his shoulder, she whispered, "I hope you find whatever you're looking for. Out there. And come back, of course, to visit. And definitely sooner before Laxus' and I have a kid. We haven't even had our wedding yet-"

Laxus cleared his throat then, feeling it necessary, because atop all the other chaos their morning had provided so far, he was not looking forward to either of those discussions again. But as Mira and the seith broke apart, but made something of a face and, stepping over the box, came to at least pat the man on the shoulder.

"You'll do well," he insisted to the man. "Wherever you go. I expect you to. Here or there, you'll always be a part of the Thunder Legion."

He sniffled then, Bickslow did, but didn't raise his visor to wipe his eye. Instead, he nodded at both the duo who were just realizing they were rather undressed to be on Laxus' front porch step, and were slinking back into the house.

"Oh, the Thunder Legion," Mirajane recalled to the man then. "Have you broken the news to them yet? Have they taken it well? I can't believe you're leaving them behind."

"Freed and Ever are both very understanding people," he told the woman simply. "Or, at least, I think they will be. When I tell them."

"Bickslow," Laxus warned, but the man only waved a finger at him.

"Na-ah, man," he chided. "You have no control of me anymore. Remember? I'm going to be a man of the streets again. So keep check of your pants, eh?"

It felt storybook. A fitting end. And though both Mirajane and Laxus, still rather sleepy and dazed by what happened, could stick that moment in their mind and treasure it always. A snapshot of their frequently aloof, but (not) always well-meaning friend. They'd all grown so close, in a new way, the past few years, as the Strausses incorporated themselves with the Thunder Legion, and become much closer to a blended family than groups of friends.

And if anyone in the family were the mother and father figure, it was the demon and the dragon.

When she moved to pick up the box, however, something crossed Mirajane's mind and, as the man wasn't completely off the property yet, she called out to the seith, "Hey, Bickslow, what about my sister? Are you guys going to try and stay together through this?" Then, frowning, she asked, "You're not trying to leave town wtihout telling her, are you?"

"Ah, no, you know it's not that," the man insisted as he glanced over his shoulder. "Me and the kid are destined to be."

"Then-"

"She's coming with me."

And Laxus didn't know why, after so many examples of this never being the case, that he ever thought he could just have a peaceful day at home, with his woman, and no interference from the rest of them. The morons they called their friends. Their family.

How naive. How idiotic.

There was a mad rush then, as Bickslow left, for Mirajane to change into her dress before tugging the still attempting to get dressed Laxus out of their home and all the way over to Bickslow and Lisanna's apartment where she didn't even knock.

Just threw the door open to come and stand just inside, her darkest gaze in her bright blue eyes, keyed in on where her sister was, at the moment, packing up a box in the front room.

Bickslow was standing before Lisanna, clearly having rushed right over to inform the woman of the impending doom that would soon be upon them. And oh, as Mirajane looked ready to wag a finger or two, Lisanna knew it was, without a doubt, upon them.

"Mira," Lisanna started, a frivolous hope to get out in front of something she, clearly, was going about to be steamrolled by. "I was going to tell you, but-"

"When?"

"Well… I was going to leave a note, I mean."

"Lisanna-"

"I have to be my own person now." She shot up, Lisanna did, from where she was putting away trinkets and things. Making a face over at her sister, she insisted, "I need to branch out on my own. Away from you. And Elf. And even Laxus. Natsu. Master. Happy. You've all become such a safety net for me, since I've come back, and it's stifling my growth. You all wanna bottle me up and protect me, but you can't. I'm a grown woman and I can do what I want. I have to do what I want. This has all been weighing on me, on us, me and Bickslow, for so long and we just feel like we've become stagnant here and we need to go, we have to go, to find ourselves, our real selves, and if you take that from me, if you stop me from doing that, then what was the point, Mirajane? Of me coming back? From Edolas? What was the point in any of this?"

While her plea was impassioned, it was not nearly as throughout or planned as Bickslow's from before which is probably why, without even a second of thought, Marianne retorted, "You're not leaving. End of discussion. Dragon-"

"Yeah?" He was standing behind her, hoping to fade away from what was about to be a huge sister blow up, he just knew it was. "Mira?"

"Lisanna is moving in with us. She's not ready to be on her own. Clearly."

"O-Okay, demon."

"No!" Lisanna had seemed nervous, ill-prepared, before, but now she was animated and stalking over to her sister while Bickslow and his babies quickly busied themselves with pretending to pack up as well. "You can't do that. You don't own me, Mirajane."

"I didn't say that I did," her older sister huffed. "But if you're making irrational decisions like this-"

"It's not irrational! I just told you that we've been thinking about this for a long time and-"

"Oh, have you?"

"Yeah!"

"Or has he? Huh? Are you thinking for yourself," Mirajane challenged. "Or are you letting your stupid boyfriend do the thinking for you?"

Bickslow, during this sisterly duel interlude, eventually found himself walking up to the woman, but still out of her perfrials, just to call out, "Hey, Laxus. I was meaning to ask you before-"

"Not the time," the man complained from behind his girlfriend as she stood, berating her younger sister, before him.

"-do you think you and the future missus would mind keepin', oh, all the shit in my apartment while I go on my lifetime sabbatical?"

"Bickslow, what?"

"Also, I'm behind on rent this month and if the landlord sees me leavin', he'll have my hide, so maybe either pay the man or take the stuff outta here under the cover of darkness?"

And suddenly, Lisanna wasn't the only one behind scolded for her dreams of a brighter future.

This was how, as neither the slayer nor demon had thought to close the front door, the others found them. Freed, Evergreen, and Elfman. Though an unusual trio, they weren't so unusual that day as Ever and Elfman had met Freed at the guildhall where, upon finding neither of his sister were working that day, the muscular man suggested they go around and see if each of them would like to do some sort of big, group outing that day. It had been a bit, since they'd had either a party or a nice group dinner. Just long enough that Ever and Freed, while hesitant, weren't completely oppose to that idea.

Which, like Laxus, was their mistake. For assuming they could ever just all exist, all of them, in their Thunder Strauss hybrid, as anything more than jumbled masses of moronic tendencies.

They'd heard the arguments brewing, both between the sisters and the two men, before they approached the still opened front door and, at the sound, all three hesitated for a moment. But then Elfman was rushing forwards because Lisanna and Mira fighting never spelled anything good while Freed rushed to defend Laxus (or save Bickslow; he wasn't too sure yet) and Evergreen had to sigh, the deep kind of sigh she reserved for just such moments where she realized, with certainty, that the choices in her life which led her to this very moment were surely punishment for some past life transgression.

Surely.

It was the only answer.

It took a bit to settle things out. Laxus was agitated, now twice over, and Mirajane was near hysterical over the thought of losing her sister, which only, in turn, revved Bickslow up and, for Lisanna, put her in the same state as her sister. Freed and Elfman, though they wished to help, did little as Freed, immediately, set in on Bickslow about irresponsibility and his proneness to it while Elfman, being a Strauss, quickly became just as hysterical and oh, Evergreen hated being the only level headed person in the group.

"Enough," she finally barked at all of them. It was less her voice though and more her slamming the front door of the apartment behind her that caused them all to pause, just long enough for the woman to give them all a harsh glare from behind her glasses, as if tempting them to remove the barrier. "Look at you. All of you. Why do we always have to be like this? It's almost as if we shouldn't all be around one another if-"

"Yes!" Bickslow, who at the moment had his shirt balled up in Laxus' fist, who was lifting him slightly off the ground. Turning in the slayer's grasp, he grinned over at where Evergreen stood by the door. "That's what me and Lissy are sayin'. It's time to move on."

"I'm confused," Freed admitted, taking a step back then. "I thought Laxus was berating you about rent?"

"I," the slayer grumbled as, anger fleeing, he tossed the seith back down to the ground, "am."

"But-"

"Who cares about their rent, Laxus?" Mirajane cut Freed off. Turning her dark eyes on her boyfriend then, she said, "They can't leave. Do you hear me, Lisanna? You can't."

"Where do you even wanna go, sis?" Elfman asked, eyes wide and pricking with tears already. "Huh? And runnin' out with him-"

"I'm," Bickslow complained from where his babies floated about his head, fretting, as he laid crumbled on the ground, "a catch."

"She risked catching something from being with you, anyways," Ever muttered with a frown.

"We're just going away," Lisanna insisted then. "For awhile. That's all."

"That is not all, Lisanna," her older sister retorted. "Bickslow came over and told us this big, long monologue about how he's going to go off, for years even, to go find himself or something. And if you're going with him, then what? You're planning on being away for years too? He gave us a box of things to give to our child to remember him by."

"Your what?" Elfman, suddenly, wasn't so focused in on his younger sister. Eyes darkening as well, he stomped over the small apartment towards Laxus. "You! Knockin' my sister up before even marryin' her-"

"You better stay away with from, Elfboy," Laxus retorted simply, turning to face the larger man with a glare. "I'm ready to fucking end all of you."

"A child?" Freed, who'd had his hand on his hilt before, when speaking to Bickslow, had drawn his sword at the oaf's approach of his idol, but lowered it some then as he looked to the oldest Strauss sibling. "Mirajane, are you with child?"

"I got a potion that can fix that," Ever offered her dryly as she inspected her nails.

"What?" She was wholly confused now. "No, I'm- Well, I guess you can never really know-"

"You better fucking know," Laxus retorted while Lisanna looked to her boyfriend.

"You did what?" she questioned as Bickslow only scratched at his head.

"I told you that I couldn't leave without seein' the boss one last time," Bickslow said.

"See," Lisanna insisted. "Not rile up. Or tell our plan."

"Your plan? So you were going to do it?" Mirajane shook her head. "Just leave in the middle of the night. Just like that. Just a note. And be gone."

"You don't understand," her younger sister replied simply. "The note would have explained everything. Probably way better than Bickslow would have."

"Yes," Freed mused absently. "As it is, I still cannot discern whether this imagined pregnancy has sprouted from."

"Don't care," Laxus retorted. "Better not leave this fucking room."

"Unless," Mira sang, thoughts drifting from her sister and to something far more precious.

"I'm telling you," Evergreen insisted to the slayer. "A few drops from this potion and-"

"So should I pummel Laxus or not?" Elfman griped.

"Not," Freed answered, "unless you want to be skewered."

"Don't worry," the slayer grumbled. "Wouldn't happen in the first place, Elfboy."

"You-"

"I'm not pregnant," Mirajane finally decided to declare for all of the interested parties. "And even if I was, that's not what this is about. Lisanna, if the two of you are going on some stupid vacation for awhile, fine, but Bickslow said it would be years before we saw you again. Is that true or not?"

This, finally, seemed to be the tense moment all the previous actions were building towards and Lisanna took a breath, a short one, before nodding her head at her sister and remarking, "It is."

"Lisanna." Elfman, finally, came to rush back over to his younger sister. Tossing his arms around her, his anger for Laxus was immediately washed out by his fears for his younger sister's future. "You can't do that. Just run off like that. For years? How am I supposed to go on, huh?"

"Well," Evergreen remarked simply, "you did get a trial run."

When this resulted in a look from Freed, she merely huffed and rolled her eyes.

"You're not thinking," Mirajane declared for her younger sister. "At all."

"You have no idea," Lisanna retorted, "if I am or not. You just don't like the idea because the tow of you want me to stay here forever."

"Yeah," Elfman agreed. "We do."

"Why," Mirajane questioned, "is that a bad thing?"

"We want it for ourselves," their brother kept up. "Don't we, big sis?"

"We do," she finished.

"But I," Lisanna insisted to them both, struggling her way out of Elfman's vice grip, "don't. I don't, okay? I like Fairy Tail. And I like Magnolia. But it's all I've known since getting back from Edolas. And that's not what I wanted for myself, when I returned. I wanted to see the world. To live. To really live. Again. And I have the chance to do that, with my boyfriend, who I love. We can travel around, experience new things, all together. The way I always imagined. And...I know I should have talked to the two of you about it before, that this is all so sudden and unreal to you, but the only reason I didn't is because I knew what you'd do. How you'd act. And look! You're doing it right now. I'm not...leaving to hurt you. I'm leaving because I need to. Fairy Tail's fine. My life here is fine. But I want something more. You both already found your more and that's great, but… It's my turn. And I need to do it without you. Both of you. I love you. And I'm sorry. But I'm going to go no matter what you say."

This felt like a rather touching moment for the Strauss siblings and, as Lisanna looked deeply into her older sister' similar blue eyes, she saw the flare die out in them before, eventually, Mirajane moved closer, dragging her sister towards her, and as the two embraced, Elfman only stood by, crying softly into his hands.

It was observed by Laxus and the others, silently for a moment, before suddenly, something seemed to occur to both Evergreen and Freed.

"You're," Freed questioned with a frown at the other man, who was finally shoving up and dusting himself off, "leaving?"

"For years?" Evergreen couldn't help it. She was hurt. And it was so hard to get her to that state, that painful reaction to the actions of another, but oh, man, she was reeling then. Coming closer, she was practically spitting as she accused, "And you were going to not even say anything? Just leave us a note? How dare, Bickslow? How fucking dare you?"

And suddenly, the humerous aspect of the Strauss siblings getting so worked up over something wasn't as funny or observational as it was previously. Experiencing it now for themselves, Freed and Ever both went through their quickly cycling stages of grief while Laxus, put out by both groups, watched with a frown.

"I'm not," he insisted when, in the end, Mirajane and Elfman released their sister and Freed and Evergreen both tapped their friend in the arm, "paying their back rent. Or keeping this shit in our house."

"Oh, dragon, yes you are," Mira decided for him with a frown and, though he didn't wish for it, he was weak to the woman's commands.

The demon still had some hold over her sister as well, as it turned out, and marched her down to the guildhall to give a proper farewell to her friends as well as explain her plans to her master. Laxus, however, got stuck on Bickslow duty, which meant helping him figure out his rent situation as well as, with the help of Freed and Elfman, carrying boxes back to he and Mirajane's place.

Evergreen was thankful for the attention never rightly being placed upon her and slunk away to escape either such fates.

Still, they all met when the time came, down at the train station that evening. Elfman was sobbing and Mira looked about ready to do the same, but both Bickslow and Lisanna felt far better with this arrangement than either had about sneaking away under cloak of darkness. Wouldda been fitting, Bickslow felt, for a dark knight such as himself, but sometimes, even the darkest of knights gotta tap into their emotional side.

And boy, Laxus seemed to have ruptured his own.

"Awe, dragon," Mira mused staring up at the man as he rubbed at the tears in his eyes, watching as Bickslow and Lisanna gave one last wave before boarding their train. "You're gonna miss them too, huh? You big softy."

But it wans't that. At all. Rather, after paying way more than just one missed months payment on rent, Laxus had a feeling it wasn't so much the oppressive nature of stagnancy the pair were escaping, but rather some other unpaid loans. Which, no doubt, Mirajane would stick on Laxus. And the second he paid them? The pair would return, but need money to do so, given they fled so far, and he was trying to start a life with his demon, have that little baby demon she was so craving, but fuck, how could he, when she was bleeding him dry?

Laxus wasn't crying for Lisanna and Bickslow's departure.

He was teary-eyed over their eventual return.

Still, it was rather lachrymose that evening, when they all went out to dinner together. Just the seven- Five. Five of them.

It felt incomplete.

"Well," Mira said after taking in a deep breath, seated at the table and looking around at all who were left. "This is for the better, right? Nothing happens without change. Progress. And they probably won't even be gone that long. I bet. So...we shouldn't be too sad. And Lisanna's right. She needs a chance to grow all on her own. Away from us. And it makes perfect sense to send her away with a man who plays with wooden dolls and seems to have some untreated, underlying mental deficiencies and… Dragon...tell me we did the right thing."

Dropping his menu, he moved to lay a hand on the woman's arm as he said, "Honestly, Mira, I have no idea."

"Laxus-"

"I don't," he insisted as the others frowned at him as well. "But I didn't know about gettin' with you. But I'm glad I did. I didn't know about hanging around with your family so much, once we were together, but that's turned out for the better. Wasn't sure how to feel about it, when your sister and Bickslow started getting so close. That's worked out fine. Wasn't sure about how I'd feel, when I came back to the guild, all those years ago, after my time away. I'm thankful I did. And fuck, I didn't know what to do when that stupid kid pickpocketed my grandfather all those years ago, but bringing him to the guild, introducing him to Freed and Evergreen? That was the best thing that ever happened to any of us."

"What Laxus is trying to say," Freed interceded, "is that you don't know, when someone's happening, if it will turn out for better or worse, but you must allow these things to take place. Or you turn out as Lisanna and Bickslow both feared; stagnant. It will be an adjustment for us all, but… I am content in Bickslow's reasoning and need for a departure. Should I return, I hope to welcome him with open arms. Should he not, I wish for the moments where I miss him to be filled with the same understanding I currently hold. Were our lives a reverse, I'd hope him, and all of you, to send me on my way just the same."

"We're mages," Evergreen offered simply though she did sound rather down and would spend the next few days staring into full wineglasses rather than empty. "We roam. It happens."

"Lisanna's such a man," Elfman insisted though, honestly, he seemed to still be attempting to assure himself of this fact, no doubt attempting to fight off the fading shock over the whole thing. "I bet she'll do great out there in the great unknown."

"It's part of life, demon." Laxus moved to pick his menu back up. "Leaving. Coming back. Going again. This might be home, but...sometimes you just need something else. Something you can't find here."

Mirajane nodded, a sad yet understanding one before, softly questioning, "But what happens if of the rest of us go? Or if we all go? Then what?"

"We pay less," her dragon tried to raise her spirits, "when we go out to eat."

But it didn't seem to work.

Still, Mirajane had dealt with and lived through far worse sudden changes in her life. In the grand scheme of things, this one hardly felt that momentous at all. So the days went on and then it was weeks and, slowly, things fell back into a new normal.

A month was approaching when Mirajane was given another day off and, the night before, she and her dragon were sure to spend it well. Which led to them being rather lazy the next morning, in rising, and when they both did wake, even, it wasn't out of a desire to.

No.

Rather, they both felt it.

A presence. Multiple. In their house.

"Oh, gosh, Laxus, put some pants on."

"Oi, boss, don't flash my woman, alright? Lissy's innocent."

The slayer, in his haste, stumbled into his kitchen that early morning in the nude only to find the intruders that sat around his kitchen table, eating bowls of cereal weren't exactly strangers. In certain ways, as he uncharacteristically blushed and rushed back out of the room, he kind of wished they were.

"What," Laxus growled, "are you doing here?"

"We have," Lisanna retorted as she shoved her bowl away, no longer hungry, "a key."

"For fucking emergencies!"

"Lisanna?" Mirajane had strode into the room by then, thankfully in a robe unlike her counterpart. "Oh, it is you!"

"Yeah, sis," Lisanna giggled as the older woman rushed right over to toss her arms around the younger. "It's me."

"What are you doing here though?" Mira questioned before, as she hugged her sister tighter, deciding, "Never mind. I don't care. Oh, I'm so glad to see you. I just don't… Are you both okay? Or-"

"We're great," Bickslow assured her, his babies lying dormant on the kitchen table. "It's a strange thing though; after camping out in the forest for a few weeks, we suddenly realized we kinda, well, you know."

"I know?"

Lisanna titled her head back up in her sister's grasp. "We like living in an apartment."

"Or a house," Bickslow said. "The worst part of going out on a job, after all, is the campin'. Why'd we think that we'd like it as the entire entree? Who knows. But now we're kinda homeless and-"

"Mira, no!" Laxus suddenly began to yell from the other room, running in to stop what he could hear, could literally feel, beginning to start. "Don't do it! Don't-"

"You can stay here," she giggled as he was too late, always too late. "With me and dragon."

"You mean it?" Lisanna questioned.

"Until you get back on your feet, sure," she agreed and he'd been wrong.

To cry.

To allow his hubris to get in the way.

Because, yes, he wouldn't have liked to pay to get the pair of them out of a jam, but oh, this wasn't going to be a jam, was it? The two of them living with him? This was going to quickly turn into never-ending torture.

"Still can't call you boss, I guess," Bickslow snickered with his tongue out, babies floating about as they mimicked this noise in a haunting fashion. "Not Laxus' either. Nope. Landlord it is!"

He should have stayed asleep, the slayer should have. Always. Any time. Whenever they were near, whenever they were close, he should just shut his eyes and pretend they were there. Like a little kid thinking he'd seen a ghost. Or an adult knowing, yet forcing himself not to believe he'd seen a ghost.

It didn't quite matter. Whether your eyes opened back up or not. Reality was reality. And Laxus, after all these years, had finally been duped into becoming the thing Bickslow got over on the most.

A landlord.

"Everyone's back together," Mirajane cheered, that evening, when they had all the rest of them over to celebrate.

While Elfman embraced his sister and Freed and Evergreen grilled Bickslow on his misadenvuter the past, oh, less than thirty days, Laxus only sat sullenly on the couch, watching with his head in his hands as the demon patted him on the head.

"Yeah, demon," he grumbled softly to himself. "They are."

.

It had been a bit. And everyone knows the first rule of every sitcom; at the end of the episode, everything goes back to how it was before. This was inevitable.

[hardforbenhardy]

~ prompt list ~

if you ever send in a request, feel free to add in a prompt for the list!! just send the number with the request in reference to this list vv

1. I swear its like you’re losing brain cells by the minute

2. Wait… stay.

3. You really want to know what I’m thinking?

4. Could you stay out of this, for once?

5. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out

6. And then there were 2

7. In the bathroom? really?

8. Were you born this way or is it something you just work on every day?

9. You don’t clear your history do you?

10. It’s like I’m living in the stone age

11. How long have you been standing there?

12. Stay on your side

13. It’s all over the walls

14. I swear, she’s clueless

15. A year ago I would’ve been terrified

16. Have you changed that pillowcase once?

17. She sure is smiling tonight

18. Now, I know what this looks like, but we’re gonna laugh about it soon…

19. It was his idea

20. You couldn’t go three days without me

21. It’s only 4 feet

22. Let me go

23. After you

24. You couldn’t be more blind if you were actually blind

25. It’s different with you

26. Mmm, bubblegum flavour

27. Fetch me one, peasant

28. That’s not how it sounded last night

29. Breathe into your body

30. You bought all 10?

31. I’ll always look after you

32. That’s what you’re wearing?

33. If only I had some inspiration…

34. I’ll clear your head

35. I swear you bring out the best/worst in me   (50/50 right there)

36. I’m way too sober for this

37. I need somewhere to stay

38. You really don’t remember?

39. For you, anything goes

40. The doctor said it’s normal

41. You bought WHAT?

42. You can’t stay in there forever, unlock the door

43. That is a terrible idea perfect for a time like this

44. And after all these years, why today?

45. Use your words.

46. What happened to your face?

47. I will always love you

48. You are going to be the death of me

49. Please come over

50. You flinch again, and I bite

51. This is illegal?

52. We are not getting married!

53. Stop following me like a lost puppy

54. Can you two stop embarassing me?

55. I can’t believe you would do this to me

56. You don’t always have to be in control

57. They’re going to kill you when they find out you...

58. Your tutor is pretty hot

59. Why have you been so secretive lately?

60. I’m dying

61. Don’t push me away anymore

62. How come you’re the only one who can see me?

63. I just wanted to hear your voice

64. You’re a nightmare

65. I’m not helping you babysit

66. Just so you know, this isn’t a date

67. Did we sleep together?

68. How long are you going to keep blackmailing me?

69. I’m not taking you to hospital just because you stunned your toe

70. If you won’t do it - I will

71. I can’t remember anything

72. You’re telling me how to do it?

73. I tested positive

74. If only I had some motivation…

75. You can’t go- not now.

76. We’ll find a way 

77. Bite me

78. Shouldn’t you be with her/him?

79. It wasn’t your fault

80. Did you need something?

81. You cant handle me

82. I could never do that to you

83. Promise me.

84. You’re going to catch me, right?

85. You lay one hand on her and I will end you

86. This has got to be illegal

87. Somewhere deep down in you,  I know you agree

88. I’m sorry, I thought you knew…

89. Don’t stoop to his level

90. You can’t be in here

91. I just want to help, let me help

92. Are we there yet?

93. Carry me!

94. You’ve known all this time?

95. Are you wearing my shirt?

96. I cant hear my thoughts over you’re weeping

97. This has to be a prank

98. Wanna bet?

99. Why would you do that for me?

100. Wow you really don’t pick up on hints, do you?

101. Prove it.

102. I wont allow this, I cant accept it.

103. Quit staring.

104. You bought me what?

105. I think it’s backwards

106. Wait, you’re allergic?!

107. Jinx

108. Get comfy, because this is gonna take awhile

109. You’re going to regret this

110. Truth or dare

111. Well would ya look at that? You were right.

112. Go ahead, hit me

113. Ever heard of knocking?

114. Im banned from there

115. Get down from there before you hurt yourself

116. Did I stutter?

117. I heard you say it in your sleep

118. Who’s bra is that?

119. Hold me. Just hold me.

120. This isn’t how I planned on telling you, but…

121. This was a bad idea

122. I cant do anything right.

123. Please don’t cry

124. Why are you awake right now?

125. Why are you lying to me?

126. Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole!

127. Don’t you ever do that again

128. Do you even still love me?

129. Nobody’s seen you in days.

130. I’m worried about you

131. Can you shut up for once in your life

132. Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know

133. If you don’t hug me right now I think I’ll fall apart

134. Just get home as soon as possible okay?

135. I told you not to fall in love with me!

136. Go with me? As long as you hold my hand

137. Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?

138. Have you seen my hoodie? Nooo. You’re wearing it, aren’t you?

139. OH you’re jealous!

140. Can we stay like this forever?

141. Please just kiss me already

142. I think you might be my soulmate

143. Sleep over? Please?

144. Are we on a date right now?

145. I think I’m in love with you

146. Are you flirting with me? You finally noticed?

147. Am I your lock screen? You weren’t supposed to see that

148. I wish we could live with each other already

149. They’re so cute when they’re asleep

150. I just wanted to let you know you’re beautiful

151. You take my breath away ... you know, like the song haha

152. Quit touching me, your feet are cold!

153. Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie

154. Did you seriously just get your foot stuck in a toilet? Maybe

155. If I die, I’m haunting you first

156. But I’ve never told you that before

157. Stop being grumpy, it’s lame

158. Can we please stop running, I think I’m going to die

159. Can you please... hmmm I don’t know, maybe put a shirt on?!

160. You come here often? Well I work here so I think I’d have to say yes

161. Aren’t we supposed to be working?

162. You’re insane! You love me. Not right not now I don’t

163. Give me attention

164. YOU SAID TO BE HONEST, STOP HITTING ME!

165. Okay, so maybe I didn’t see that coming

166. I’m too sober for this. You don’t even drink. Maybe I should start

167. You met me yesterday. Yes, and I would die for you, next question

168. I’m telling you, I’m haunted

169. Well, that’s tragic

170. She’s hiding behind the sofa

171. I’d kill for a coffee... literally

172. What do you mean she’s my new partner? She tried to kill me last week! Sounds like a you problem

173. Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion

174. I’m bulletproof, but please don’t shoot me

175. It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka

176. No. Regrets

177. How drunk was I?

178. How is my wife more badass than me?

179. It’s your turn to make dinner

180. They’re not your kids, back the fuck off

181. I could punch you right now

182. Welcome back. Now fucking help me

183. I’m not buying Ikea furniture ever again

184. That was kind of hot

[fckeverything-v]

 1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? Lick

 2. What is home to you? Alabama:/

 3. What was the last lie you told? I couldnt tell you

 4. Does everyone deserve the truth? Maybe not?

 6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. Walk away, move states..

 7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) Being alone & fuck irdk

 8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? Mhm 4 years ago.

 9. How many all nighters have you pulled? A lotttt haha

 10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? Woah people express that? no but humans would probably bone all the time.

 11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? Only 2 (technically 3) serious relationships. Many flings.

 12. What is your paradise? I dont have one :(

 13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) Music

 14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? Only 1... maybe 2 soon. (not you hehe.)

 15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? Finding friendships through social media or other platforms. And mhm probably that im a lonely pos

 16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? Because they're pretty. Not really.

 17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? Chew loud.

 18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? Eh, yeah. And I cant think of any pros.

 19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? Piano, saxophone

 20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? No. I stare at it until i hate it.

 21. List 3 things you like about yourself?

 22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? To not give up. As simple as that sounds.

 23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? No. Dont you need to be mentally stable- i would hope so..

 24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? Play games for hours.

 25. When was the last time you felt awkward? Ha. Literally 5 minutes ago.

 26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? Introverted x100000

 27. What constitutes a good friend? Someone who doesnt give up on you amd atleast tries to understand.

 28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? One best friend.

 29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? 'Hey hows your day going'

 30. What is your dream job? Fuck, is this still a question.. to be a homicide detective in the biggest city i can think of.

 31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? Lazy and smart DUH

 32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe?

 33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? What it feels like to GET OFF. DUH.

 34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? Um my own dreams i guess.

 35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. Im not wasting my time describing that.

 36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? Live it up. I think id feel happy honestly.

 37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? Mh. Sell it, their problem now and im rich.

 38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? Current events.

 39. Name the last book you read. Dammed- chuck palahniuk

 40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? No change

 41. When was the last time you made the first move? Um never..

 42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? Trash

 43. What was the last tv show youve watched? Rick and Morty.

 44. Do you like and appreciate your life? I appreciate what i am trying to do.

 45. Do you like and appreciate yourself?

 46. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday

 47. What are you scared of? Heights.

 48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? Um live my life everyday probably.

 49. What are some of your hobbies? .... literally WORSE question. I smoke cigs. Is that a hobby?

 50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make?

 51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? I feel like i am both. I try to be there for them. But also, im so hard to get so i feel like i might come off the wrong way a lot.

 52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? Honestly; nope.

 53. What have you learned the hard way? Not to care what people think. After wasting my whole life. Im starting to realize it doesnt matter.

 54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? Follow your heart

 56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? Both but probably logical.

 57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done?

 58. What is your ideal meal? Fuckk probably so good ass chicken with some gooooood asssssss mac and cheese. As lame as that sounds hahaha.

 59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? 1. Go on date with me

 60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? Yeah and dogs are cute but i love elephants.

 61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? Christmas.

 62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? Of courseeeee (;

 63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? Video games.

 64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? Woah you read my mind of sum? Shooter games.

 65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society? Bullshit

 66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? No not really and like 5pm nowadays.

 67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? No

 68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? City but i love the countryside

 69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? Mountains

 70. What are the best things about winter? Cold. Even though i hate it. Snow. Even if i dont see it. Trees dying.

 71. What scares you most about the future? Literally everything.

 72. What makes you feel old? Doing nothing.

 73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? Idk like 5.

 74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? Be a better me.

 75. What is your life story in 6 words?

 76. Describe yourself in one word. Awkward.

 77. What bad habits do you do? Smoking

 78. What genre of music do you listen to? everything

 79. Most prominent childhood memory? I would say, but its embarrassing that that's the memory.

 80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? My life would be so different. Maybe i would have someone to talk to.

 81. Spirit animal?

 82. Do you believe in horoscopes? Yes

 83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given?

 84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. 1. Fox 2. Fox 3. Fox

 85. Favorite memory of your family. :/

 86. What do you look for in a relationship? Happiness

 87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? No. I dont need it. But now that i think about it i have one role model.

 88. What is your opinion on social media? Dumb

 89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? Pessimest

 90. List some things that you think are overpriced? Food

 91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? ..

 92. What superpower would ruin the world? Any of them

 93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? Exactly what im doing now. Nothing. Giving up. Dropping out

 94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? Dont trust yourself when you know you arent okay. Fight club

 95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Europe

 96. How do you approach people? I dont but i guess a smile.

 97. What is your opinion on first impressions? I think theyre okay. Only if you dont judge.

 98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? Lol play with imaginary friends

 99. What languages can you speak? English

 100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? Lol hopefully ill be dead bc that shit sounds terrible

 101. What do you do on your lazy days? Play games.

 102. What ended your last relationship? I had enough.

 103. Favorite food? Soul food

 104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? Fuck im not saying.

 105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? Last night

 106. What was the last friendship you broke? My friend Ashley:(

 107. Do you have any pet peeves? Close minded people

 108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? Zack

 109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? Last night

 110. What part of your personality do you want to change? I dont have one.

 111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? My sister Grace.

 112. What is your biggest motivation? My siblings. Faith & Grace.

 113. What did you want to be when you were little? Honestly i never knew.

 114. What are some things that you are good at? Smokin weed

 115. What is one thing you want to be good at? Social skills

 116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? My mind

 117. How important is privacy to you? Eh pretty significant i guess.

 118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? Be friends with everybody.

 119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? Um.. i told my 2nd grade teacher my family died in a car crash.

 120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? I dont go to parties haaha

 121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? have friends and socialize too much like woah calm down you know youre still alone.. right. Like its only you. Hahah jk. But irdk.

 122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? a guy invited me over and ive never done anything sexual before so i pretended like i knew and i hurt his dick like bad. (We didnt have sex)

 123. What is your morning routine? Wake up, wash face, brush teeth, get dressed, and then boom feel sad

 124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering?

 125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? Help

 126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" Being sort of isolated like not opening up. Which is okay bc if they want you they'll wait.

 127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? Cons, you may hurt feelings. Pro, you know yourself and what you want to say congratulations

 128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? Being fake happy.

 129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? Friendzoner

 130. What do you admire most about your friends? How beautiful he is. Inside & out.

 131. What do you admire most about your family? They're still here.

 132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" You may forget where you are trying to go. Or who you are.

 133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? Listening.

 134. When is it time to end a friendship? Idk

 135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? Lol too many.

 136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? Doesnt matter.

 137. What are your favorite baby names? Ive always liked Riley for a girl name and idk havent thought Bout a boys name.

 138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? Maybe a week or so ago. Or a few days ago.

 139. What instantly ruins a conversation? Lack of excitement

 140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. Affection. And idk

 143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? God every day.

 147. What do you like about the 21st century? ???

 141. Biggest disappointment. Myself

 142. Do you have any self-restraint? A little.

 144. Prized possession(s)? little things

 145. What is your opinion on second chances? They might seem okay but idk.... depends i guess

 146. Text or call? Both, depends on whom im texting or callin

 148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? Life is hard and stupid but choices you make will stay with you forever so what are you gonna do, follow your heart or head? (head is better hope)

 149. How organized are you? Eh not really anymore.

 150. Favorite mode of transportation. My car

[bethanyactually]

Is it your fondest wish to read a very long, flaily, spoiler-filled tumblr chat between me and @pools-of-venetianblue​ from yesterday, as we were reading Lethal White? :) Then please continue reading.

(Note that I bolded my messages just to make it easier to tell when it was me talking and when it was Lindsay.)

18/09/2018 at 11:22 AM

B: THE SWANS L: RIGHT L: I DIED B: I see why you were excited about the prologue, lol

L: ACTULLY I"M DYING NWO L: I HAVE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT READING L: I’m like... I'm almost done L: i'm calm. super calm. make sure you've blocked my spoiler tags lol B: good luck with today, I hope you get a nap! B: okay, READINF B: or reading, whatever

B: ROBIN AND VANESSA ARE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!! L: I KNOWWWW L: IT'S EVERYTHING WE DREAMT OF B: Gotta say, though, four chapters in and I’m already mentally yelling at C and R for NOT COMMUNICATING LIKE FUCKING ADULTS L: oh yeah same L: i’mma be posting some gifs about THAT

L: oh god oh god oh god L: tlisten. not gonna spoil L: but oh man you are going to love this. L: that's it, mouth zippered B: They communicate like adults!?!?!??? L: is it a spoiler to say FUCKING FINALLY L: just to give you something to look forward to L: people having a goddamn conversation B: I figured it’d happen eventually

B: also: Spanner is Nick’s little brother!!! L: I’d figured he was either Nick or Ilsa's L: I was betting Nick, because he seemed more London than Cornwall B: I liked meeting Stephen, Robin’s brother, too L: Me too

B: okay, I cracked up at “[Lorelei] played Aphrodite to his Hephaestus so adeptly”—Cormoran seeing himself as Hephaestus, lolllll L: loll yea that bit was.... very Corm. B: and then immediately went :((( at the rest of the sentence: “that thoughts of Robin and Matthew were sometimes driven entirely from his mind.” B: intellectually, I get it—he’s distracting himself, he hasn’t made Lorelei any promises—but as a demisexual I do NOT understand being in love with one person and seeking out a relationship or even just sex with another. B: I get it...but also I’m like ???????????!??? L: I understand rebounds. Just trying to manufacture emotions to take the place of ones you'd rather not have L: Which is a little similar to what Corm's doing. Not exactly the same. B: yeah. that’s the part I get intellectually, I guess. he’s managing his emotions, basically. It’s like occupational therapy or something B: it’s not...I’m not judging at all. Everyone has different needs, as long as everyone’s a consenting adult, do what makes you happy, etc. I just...don’t get it. I wind up thinking about this a lot when reading certain stories, you know? L: No, I totally get it L: In my experience, rebounds & the like don't actually make anyone happy. Still heartbroken, just with a giant heaping of guilt on top! L: HoPeFULLY someONE learns his LESSON in this book!! L: We shall see B: hahaha

L: god I think I'm at the climax? are they confronting the murderer? I don't actually know L: oh. it wasn't. false alarm. L: oh my GOD I think I actually figured out the murderer. like AGES ago. I mean they haven't revealed it yet. but I FEEL LIKE I DID B: !!! B: NICE L: I mean not based on any sort of deductive reasoning whatsoever. L: Just based on knowing JK's brain L: which I clearly do because she has downright stolen like HALF the shit I had planned for this fic that I will probably NEVER get the motivation to finish now. L: A N Y W A Y.

L: listen i'm dying L: i finished the book L: my eyes are burning B: dude L: I don't even know what Im saying. I have so many emotions right now L: my blog is a disaster btw B: I’m about a quarter of the way through the book B: I’ll keep you posted of any reactions! L: PLEASE L: PLEASEDO

B: “A tension headache began pounding behind Robin’s temple, but she did not want to ask hotel staff for painkillers, because any sign of dissatisfaction might lead to another argument. Robin wondered what it would be like to have a wedding day and honeymoon about which it was safe to reminisce.” B: GODDDDD :(((((((( L: RIGHT L: God everything about Robins marriage is Goddamn torture B: that entire anniversary trip was awful to read B: but this B: “He had called her afterwards to apologize and she had dumped him before he finished the sentence. Given that he had left her humiliated in Le Gavroche with a hefty dry-cleaning bill, he felt that it would have been in poor taste to respond with ‘that’s what I was going to say next’.” B:hahahahahaha L: Lollll L: Oh corm L: I mean L: We knew itd go down pretty much like that B: I feel bad for both of them but for TOTALLY different reasons, heh

18/09/2018 at 5:17 PM

B: MATTHEW B: FUCKING B: CUNLIFFE B: is suuuuuuch an asshole B: FUMING that Robin went to sit with Cormoran at his nephew’s hospital bedside, ffs L: Ohhh my god L: I love that bit SO MUCH L: Did you get to that part?? That one thing?? B: Which thing? The hand squeeze? Or the hug and kiss? I assume you mean one of those? L: yes the KISS L: they KISSED L: listen I know it was an accident L: DO I CARE!?!?! L: ABSOLUTELY NOT B: :) B: eh L: lolll ok ok B: I’m more interested in them FUCKING COMMUNICATING for once L: different people will freak out over different things I guess :p L: OR I am just completely unhinged B: True B: Haha, I mean ‘true, different people’ not ‘true, you’re unhinged’! L: i mean. i'm a bit unhinged :p B: 😂 L: but yeah the grown up communication is also absolutely beautiful as well. and much more important to a healthy relationship L: just L: my inner 13 year old is screaming. B: fair enough! L: also imagining Tom & Holliday playing some of these scenes is literally giving me the vapours so B: that’s valid! B: also, CHARLOTTE, HOLY SHIT L: RIGHT

B: FUCKING MATTHEW RIPPING THE GREEN DRESS B: I WANT TO SMACK HIM L: Y E S L: Frankly, kind of want to set him on fire for that one L: You KNOW he did it deliberately L: Asshole. L: (hopefully she can get it mended???) B: WHILE BEING PUSHY ABOUT KISSING ROBIN B: WHO IS B: A  ~R A P E~  SURVIVOR L: U G H L: He is the LITERAL WORST. THE WORST. L: god B: agreed L: What chapter is that in? B: 34 B: okay, reading! L: Hahaha. Ok. Feel free to continue telling whenever you feel the urge lol

B: I had a pb&j for dinner just now bc I realized I’d been so busy reading every spare second that I was starving, lolll L: Lol I finished reading at 8 am and realized I was staaarving... Hadn't eaten since 10 the night before

B: “Though he had never told her so, Robin was the only person by whom he would willingly be driven.” B: Cormoran. Mate. I realize that gift-giving is your thing, but I’m pretty sure verbal affirmation is Robin’s. TELL HER THESE THINGS, YOU GOON. L: 😀 L: Yes 100%. B: “No biscuits?” B: “I thought you were trying to lose weight?” B: “Nothing eaten on a car journey counts, any competent dietician will tell you that.” B: Robin grinned. “‘ Calories Are Bollocks: the Cormoran Strike Diet.’” B: “‘Hunger Strike: Car Journeys I Have Starved On.’”  B: lolllllll L: God I love that bit SO MUCH. So much L: They are just. So well suited. So happy just to hang out and make each other laugh. Idiots. B: I knooooow.

B: “Daylight fell into the shop like a solid thing, rendering everything there more insubstantial and shabby by comparison.” B: That’s just a good sentence, I like it. L: It is

B: “Temporary color. It’s black and blue. And I’m wearing a lot of eye makeup and some temporary tattoos.” B: “Send us a selfie, I could do with some light relief.” B: And she tells him to make his own, I LOVE THESE IDIOTS B: “You didn’t tell me the argument got physical!” B: “I wanted to do it in person, so I could enjoy you looking at me like I’m a complete bastard,” said Strike. B: Hahahaha L: Their banter is OUT OF CONTROL L: This whole book B: it IS B: it’s completely delightful L: I love two (2) absolute idiots L: Also Robin having zero sympathy for Strike is my favourite thing L: Like in Silkworm, when Pippa tried to knife him... "Well she didn't manage it, did she" L: Bless.

18/09/2018 at 9:29 PM

B: oh my god, this entire conversation Strike is having with Della! lemme find the bits that struck me... B: “Yet she stayed with him. Of course, people do stay, even when they’re treated abominably. He talked about her within my hearing as though she was a deficient, needy child.” B: that’s Della talking about Chiswell and Kinvara but it SURE FUCKING SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE ELSE WE KNOW L: Oh man. Yeah B: “Sometimes, you know, there’s an instant affinity—a connection that years couldn’t forge, with other people—“ Della talking about Aamir, but hmm, who else could that mean??? B: “Because men’s crimes are always ours in the final analysis, aren’t they, Mr. Strike? Ultimate responsibility always lies with the woman, who should have stopped it, who should have acted, who must have known.” L: UGH L: That one hurt L: I can't remember where in the book it is... Don't want to spoil you... But there's a bit where he's talking to Lorelei... B: When they’re breaking up? L: Yeah B: I’m past that, pretty sure L: And he says the bit about walking up the aisle not feeling what he should B: OH YEAH L: I had to put the book down at that bit lol B: these utter FOOLS

B: “I think marriage is nearly always an unfathomable entity, even to the people inside it. It took this… all of this mess… to make me realize I can’t go on.” OUCH L: Ooooh you're on chapter 54 B: If you say so! I dunno what chapter it is L: Lol I am so excited for you to keep reading B: I’m reading, I’m reading! 😆

B: “I see you aren’t quite as hardened as your reputation would suggest,” said Della. B: yeah he ain’t HE IS A TOTAL SOFTIE L: MARSHMALLOW INSIDE.

B: Robin just left Matthew and I have a lot of feelings. but mostly dread, because nothing truly terrible has happened to her or Cormoran yet and I fear it’s coming and I’m so tense!!! I gotta finish this fucking book, lol L: I was just flying in ecstasy at this point. Dead shmead, Matthew is GONE. DUMPED. L: DESTROYED!!! L: Robin's doing amazing L: Everything is beautiful, hardly anything hurts L:Still mad about the dress ripping.

B: “Face to face, he felt a strange kinship with the emaciated, shaven-headed psychiatric patient, because he recognized the same craving for order in himself. In his case, it had led him to the official side of the desk, but perhaps the only difference between the two of them was that Strike’s mother had lived long enough, and loved him well enough, to stop him breaking when life threw terrible things at him.” B: look JKR isn’t perfect but I LOVE HER UNSHAKABLE DEDICATION to the protective and transformative powers of love, especially a mother’s love, when countless other authors only want to blame mothers for all their problems L: Y E S, a million times yes B: There are imperfect moms in her stories too, ones who do a lotta damage, but mostly because they love too little B: BLESS HER FOR THIS

B: “she refused to be what he wanted to make her, the irrational, incontinent, uncontrolled woman, the fucking flake.” B: [applause gif] L: oh man you are getting to close to... to an actual adult conversation L: it's going to be SO GOOD L: I am already anxious for the next book... which I have a feeling is going to be VERY Charlotte heavy, and with a LOT of feelings about Leda coming up for Corm L: anxious as in I need to jump ahead in time and read it B: UGH I do not care about Charlotte B: I knew she was coming back, like a bad penny, and I do not want B: speaking of Charlotte: “You can bloody hate someone and still wish they gave a shit about you and hate yourself for wishing it.” L: I just want something to happen that just... snaps Corm free? Irrevocably changes the way he looks at her? B: SAME L: have a hunch that the way she treats/abandons her kids is gonna be it B: it’s like, bc he fell in love with her when he was a teenager, and her love is so toxic, he can’t see her or react to her like a mature adult B: like he’s stuck in this horrible pattern bc of the abuse she heaped on him L: he absolutely is :( B: he sees it but he can’t detach himself from the cycle L: he broke my heart with his musings on how much he loves her, and how to him love means suffering and grief, etc L: like. man. :( B: I mean, no judgement, it’s hard as FUCK to drag yourself out of those kind of ditches L: Yeah it is. I feel for him L: But oh man the day he tells Robin that he loves her. It's gonna happen. and it's going to be SO GOOD B: I appreciate your faith in that. :) L: She can't set that up and NOT follow through L: It'll happen. I mean, not anytime SOON. B: FINGERS CROSSED

B: “Yes. I was in therapy for a bit. Now I do CBT exercises.” B: “Do you, though?” Strike asked mildly. “Because I bought vegetarian bacon a week ago, but it’s not making me any healthier, just sitting there in the fridge.” B: I laughed OUT LOUD B: THE BANTER L: RIGHT B: ON THE HEELS OF A PANIC ATTACK B: WHICH ROBIN FEARED STRIKE WOULD JUDGE HER FOR B: AND HE MAKES HER LAUGH L: oh man he was so good to her. Just sat and let her get through it. No judgment, no rush L: Just sit beside her. B: *cue the BBC series credits* L: GOD I love these two L: I am literally about to turn on the series again L: gotta be a Strike-filled day L: and I've already re-read all the good bits L: … might dip back into them TALKING ABOUT THINGS a couple more times tonight tbh B: Hee!

B: “You want me to leave?” asked Robin, still more alarmed. “Go and do something el—?” B: “Bloody hell, Ellacott, no! I’m asking you whether you think about the future, that’s all.” B: I LITERALLY SNORTED L: sometimes she is NOT A GOOD LISTENER L: In very specific situations. L: I mean most of the time. A+ listener. But c'mon Robin. Let the man speak. B: It’s only when she’s worked herself into a state worrying about what she thinks he’s gonna say, worrying she won’t be believed or listened to, BLESS L: yup L: and we ALL KNOW who we should blame for her expecting to be dismissed, shunted aside, perceived as weak and useless L: JERK.

B: “‘Hear me out,’ he said firmly, as she opened her mouth in panic. ‘We’ve got to be honest with each other, or we’re screwed. Just listen, will you?’” B: A-FUCKING-MEN L: FINALLY L: god I've got to reread this chapter again right now B: also, Cormoran getting her champagne and being like, I know I’m not supposed to say this but THANK GOD YOU FINALLY DUMPED THE WANKER, lollllllllll L: god how much did I love her yelling at that Winn creep though L: who CARES if it screwed anything up with the investigation L: YOU GO GIRL L: and YES L: WELL SHOT OF HIM indeed L: god this whole chapter had better be kept in the BBC version. Every single word.

B: tell you what, though: it’s a good thing it’s Robin working for Strike and not me because every time he does his smug “Think!” act I would be hard pressed not to throw things at him while shouting, I HAVE ALREADY THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND CLEARLY CANNOT REACH THE CONCLUSION YOU HAVE REACHED, QUIT DANGLING THE SOLUTION OUT OF MY REACH AND B: TELL B: ME L: yeah I would have smacked him

L: "Matthew's been telling you that, has he? thought Strike, imagining a few corrective measures from which he thought Matthew might benefit." L: LET HIM IMPLEMENT CORRECTIVE MEASURES, PLEASE. B: Why you lookin’ so ugly, Bunsen? 😏 L: Oh man. Sad about no Shanker in the book. BUT I do really like Barclay. So.

B: aaahhhh Robin’s going to meet Matthew and there’s still 6% left B: have I ever mentioned I HATE SUSPENSE B: it’s so stressful, lol L: Ahahaha L: Cackling

B: I FUCKING KNEW THERE WAS TROUBLE COMING L: I figured it out!!! Before it happened!!! I was. SO. PROUD B: THE BOAT BEING CALLED ODILE L: I don't get the reference??? B: the black swan from Swan Lake!!! L: Oh daaaaaamn

B: ROBIN DID SO GOOD!!!! L: RIGHT!!!! L: SHE IS AMAZING B: and the fucking BANTER on these two, good LORD B: “‘Would it be OK if I have two minutes,’ she asked, pressing the cold kitchen roll against her swollen and bleeding lip, ‘to enjoy not being dead, before you start?’” B: “Strike blew out a jet of smoke. ‘Yeah, fair enough,’ he said, and pulled her clumsily into a one-armed hug.” L: TWO MINUTES. Just TWO MINUTES before you START L: and he's just like L: hug. let me hug. L: god I love them I LOVE THEM this book had SO MANY HUGS

B: “Don’t be flippant, I’m serious—” B: “So am I,” said Robin, without heat. “I’m doing what I’ve got to do. I haven’t had a single panic attack for weeks. How’s your leg?” B: “Getting better. Doing my stretches. Watching my diet.” B: “You just ate half a potato field and most of a cow.” B: OH MY GOD. THE SNARK. 😍😍😍 L: BLESS L: these two adorable goofs L: helping each other become healthier, happier people L: just. idiots. IDIOTS. Get married. Right now. B: WALKING AWAY CONCEALING THEIR SMILES AND ANTICIPATING THEIR NEXT MEETING HAPPILY

B: I’m done! B: whew. Only midnight here! Not bad considering how interrupted my reading was most of the day B: now I’m gonna go read your blog😁 L: lol have fun with that it's a dumpster fire

19/09/2018 at 4:38 AM

L: Oh lord. I just had a realization. If the BBC stays true to form, they will amp up the shippiness of the adaptation by about 1000 L: but how is that even going to be POSSIBLE? Like... what could they possibly... even add...

19/09/2018 at 9:44 AM

B: that is an excellent question B: basically we’re all gonna die

(want more? read Lindsay’s post-LW thoughts here!)

[donnarider]

!!DISCONTINUED!!  Klance - soulmate au (part 4)

Author’s notes:

update 12th July 2019: This story is unfortunately discontinued. There will not be a next part. I’m really sorry.

Read part 1

Read part 2

Read part 3

“Bold” texts are from Keith, “italic” texts are from Lance

„Wow, that’s… rough?“

„Yes it is! I mean… I meant what I said. I just thought he would...”

“Say that he wants to be more than friends?”

“Yeah…” Lance put his head on the table they were studying at. The library was quiet and Lance had a hard time keeping his voice down while telling Hunk about his horrible not-date date.

“So how did the rest of the da…what happened after that?”

“Well, I was dying on the inside and pretended everything was fine on the outside. So, the usual.”

“Lance!”

Lance sighed and leaned back on his chair. The library’s ceiling suddenly seemed very fascinating to him. “We talked about stuff like favourite movies and such. I asked him about his bike. I had to leave for my seminar and he said he’d text me.”

“Well that doesn’t sound too bad,” Hunk decided and squeezed Lance’s shoulder supportively. “Maybe he just needs some time?”

“And what do I do if he doesn’t? I thought I’d be fine with being just friends but-,” he waved his hands around in a helpless motion. “I was basically doomed when he told me to be nice to my coffee in Spanish. I can’t just NOT crush on him now, you know. And that sucks… big time.”

Hunk smiled sympathetically at him and continued to flip through the book in front of him. “Just take it slow. Take a break for a few days and then invite him to do something and see what it feels like then. He’ll either change his mind or you could just bring me and Pidge along to make the friends thing easier. Maybe that’ll help?”

“Hmm. Yeah, maybe.”

Hunk closed his book and got up. “You up for visiting Pidge and Matt? I don’t think we’re gonna get anything done here right now. Also I think Matt finally got that video game you wanted to play so badly.”

“Nooo, Hunk. You wanted to study. I didn’t mean to distract you, I’m just gonna-“

“It’s fine, Lance. I can’t concentrate anyways. And you helped me so much with my last essay, I think I can go a day without studying.”

Lance smiled at him and got to his feet as well. “Okay. But I swear I’ll be back to normal tomorrow and then we’re gonna take a look at the stuff from Iverson’s physics lecture.” Hunk groaned loudly and made Lance laugh with his desperate expression. “I know, I know. But we both have to get better at that stuff.” He stood behind Hunk and made a gesture over his shoulder like he wanted to show Hunk a beautiful landscape.

“NASA, dude. NASA.”

“Ugh, you’re right. But Matt and Pidge now. My brain needs a break.”

Lance swung his backpack over his shoulder. “Maybe I get one of Pidge’s hugs. I love Pidge’s hugs.”

Hunk beside him nodded. “Everyone does, man. They’re the best.”

Wednesday

 (3:15am): WTF DUDE? ???

(3:17am): I KNOW SORRY! Its our stupid neighbors having a party…

(3:18am): AT T HIS HOU R???

(3:18am): pls kill them for me

(3:20am): I would but prison isnt as appealing to me as you might think

(3:21am): So ur bad boy attitude knows boundaries? ;)

(3:22am): Dont mock me Im too tired for this

(3:24am): Yeh I can feel that

(3:24am): u really dont deal well without ur beauty sleep

(3:25am): Sorry :( And no, I really dont

 (3:31am): KEEEEEEITHH do smth!!!!

(3:32am): I have a test tomorrow !!

(3:34am): OM G IT STOPPED

(3:35am): Keith?

(3:35am): did u kill them?

(3:36am): maybe

(3:36am): KE ITH!

(3:37am): I slipped an anonymous note under their door that I would kill their cat if they didnt turn off the music immediately…

(3:38am): O M G thats cruel

(3:38am): u dont threaten peoples pets

(3:38am): NOT COOL!

(3:39am): chill, I was joking. It said Id call the cops on them

(3:40am): Oh okay good hope ur not just saying that

(3:40am): Also thankk

(3:41am): no problem. Good night, Lance

(3:43am): Lance?

 (7:36am): SORRY FELL ASLEEP!

(7:37am): Have fun at work today :)

Friday

(4:12pm): why

(4:25pm): what? u dont like it? ;)

(4:28pm): no

(4:29pm): oh come on! The queen is my best study motivation!

(4:30pm): please just stop

(4:32pm): KEITH! YOU INSULT BEYONCÉ YOU INSULT ME

(4:33pm): Can’t you study to something normal

(4:35pm): Normal normal or you normal?

(4:36pm): I dont care. Just no more beyoncé please. It’s been hours

(4:39pm): Lance?

 (4:42pm): really?

(4:42pm): Evanescence? That’s mature…

(4:43pm): WAKE ME UP INSIDE

(4:43pm): WAKE ME UP INSIIIDE

(4:45pm): I hate you

(4:46pm): No u dont :)

(4:47pm): STOP THIS MADNESS!

(4:48pm): Hunk says if you come to a college thing with us tomorrow, he’ll stop me for you

(4:50pm): What kind of thing?

(4:51pm): dunno, Hunk wont say, but its really good apparently

(4:53pm): OKAY DEAL NOW PLEASE STOP

(4:54pm): Party-pooper

(4:56pm): Tell Hunk I love him

Keith got off his bike, took off his helmet and unzipped his leather jacket. He headed towards the university building with mixed feelings about what awaited him. He had fought with himself about coming today but eventually the curious side of him had won. Keith wanted to see what Hunk had planned for them and also even if it scared him to admit it…he missed Lance.

Logically he knew that it did not make any sense. They hardly knew each other. But emotionally he just… missed him. He sighed and blinked against the bright sunlight. He lifted his hand to shield his eyes against it and bumped into someone.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“Don’t sweat it. All good here.” A friendly voice interrupted him. The tall boy in front of him looked him over and tilted his head to the side. „Hey, are you Keith by any chance?”

Keith nodded. “The one and only.”

“Oh, great! I’m Hunk.“ Keith took the big hand he was offered and returned the welcoming smile. When Hunk gestured for them to move out of the sun and stand in the tall building’s shadow Keith followed him thankfully.

“Nice to meet you. Thanks for saving me yesterday by the way.”

“Oh, no problem. Lance can get like that sometimes when he’s stressed. He didn’t mean anything by it. You know… finals and all. He’s a bit on edge around this time of the year.”

“No, I get it. NASA is a big thing, who wouldn’t freak out, right?”

Hunk gave a nervous laugh. “Yah, I guess. So umm, Lance had to pick up our friend Pidge, they should be here-“

“Exactly now.” Lance’s voice interrupted them. He stopped next to Hunk and let Pidge whom he had been carrying just now slip off his back.

“Hey, Keith. This is Pidge. They use they pronouns. I guess you already know Hunk by now.” Lance smiled at him and clapped Hunk on the back.

Keith nodded and raised his hand in greeting at Pidge. Immediately he regretted the awkward gesture and lowered his hand quickly.

“What’s up butter cup.” Pidge replied with a grin completely ignoring Keith’s weird behavior, who in return just raised an eyebrow at their choice of words.

“Lance, why did you carry Pidge here? Did you take ‘pick them up’ literally again?” Hunk asked with his hands on his hips.

“They paid me two dollars.”

Pidge shrugged. “I didn’t want to walk. It’s too early.”

“It’s almost noon, Pidge.” Hunk said while shaking his head but there was a visible smile on his lips.

“Exactly. Way too early.”

“I feel you, Pidge.” Keith threw in. “I had three coffees before I got here.”

Pidge yawned and stretched their arms over their head. “Good thinking. I only had one and I feel dead inside.”

“So, Hunk. What is this thing? Why are we here?” Lance asked and absently patted Pidge’s head while they leaned against him, eyes closed and repeatedly yawning.

“We are here, because today…” Hunk made a dramatic pause, “They are having a lecture about space for family and friends of students and-“

“AHHH STAR CEILING?” Lance interrupted Hunk excited while bouncing up and down, Hunk just smiled and nodded.

“Yep, Star ceiling.”

“What exactly is star ceiling?” Keith asked confused. Judging from Lance’s reaction this had to be the best thing in the entire universe.

“It’s only the best thing ever, dude,” Lance started to explain while taking Keith’s arm and pulling him in the direction of a big building.

“They only do this once or twice a year when they have family day for the freshmen and around finals for the really stressed out students so they don’t go all homicidal and stuff.” They entered the lecture hall and Lance directed them to a row in the back. “It’s basically just a short lecture about space and planets and what we do here at college but at the end they turn off the lights and project stars on the ceiling and walls. Dude…it’s the most beautiful thing ever. It will change you!” He gestured for Keith to sit down in one of the empty seats and sat next to him.

Hunk took the seat on Keith’s other side and Pidge sat next to Lance. It seemed like they were just in time because a man holding a mic entered the small stage. From the corner of his eyes Keith saw Pidge leaning over to Lance and whispering something into his ear. A moment later Lance bent forward so that Hunk and Keith could both hear him.

“Sorry guys, we’re gonna get Pidge more coffee. They are literally about to murder someone. We’ll be back in a minute.” With that they both left the room and Keith was alone with Hunk, which he didn’t mind that much. They had only exchanged a few sentences but Keith already liked the guy.

The man on the stage started talking about the importance of astronomy and explained the different subjects they were teaching. Unfortunately he had a really boring and monotone voice and Keith immediately zoned out. Thank God Hunk was there to keep him entertained.

“I know this stuff isn’t really interesting, especially not when he’s talking,” Hunk pointed in the direction of the stage. “But it’s really worth it. Lance didn’t exaggerate…well maybe a little… but it actually is crazy beautiful.”

“So you three all study astronomy?” Keith asked. This was his opportunity to learn a bit more about Lance and his friends without this nervous feeling he got around his soulmate. Hunk somehow managed to create an atmosphere around him that immediately made Keith feel comfortable.

“Yeah. It was actually Lance who got me into this stuff when we were younger. We met Pidge here on our first day. They are this crazy genius and got into college early. They are only sixteen but way ahead of most of the students here. Turned out they and their brother Matt live in the same building as me and Lance so we hung with them a couple of times and now we’re all basically besties for life.”

“Space nerds unite,” Keith said with a smile.

“Haha, yeah. Basically.”

“So… do you and Pidge wanna get into NASA too or is that only Lance?” Keith checked the stage for a second but the guy was still talking about boring stuff and Keith noticed that a few other people in the audience had started quiet conversations.

“Well Pidge is as good as in, let’s be real. Me… well. Of course NASA is the dream for almost everyone at this university and I would be thrilled… but I’m not as set as Lance if that makes sense. I feel like I could work anywhere as long as I’m close to my friends.” Hunk shrugged and knitted his brows in deep thought before he cleared his throat.

“Lance is working really hard for it though. You have no idea how many scholarships he had to apply for before he finally got a foot in. Didn’t stop him though.” He smiled and Keith could feel how proud he was of his friend. “You know, the first year was rough. He failed an important test two times and was sure they were gonna kick his ass but he studied harder than all of us and now he’s always in the top 5.”

“Wow. That’s really impressive,” Keith heard himself say and immediately wanted to slap himself. Way to sound like a high school fangirl, Kogane. Can we please think before we speak, brain?!

“Yeah it is.” Hunk sighed, unfazed by Keith’s inner distress. “It’s also really hard to watch sometimes though…”

Keith raised an eyebrow at him.

“Not the part where he’s top of the class, no. I mean how he gets there. You can’t imagine how many all-nighters the boy pulls during finals and he always pushes himself to get better. I mean it’s great that he’s improving but sometimes I wish he would allow himself a break.” He stiffened and gave a quick laugh. “I’m talking too much again, aren’t I. Sorry, this must be a weird first impression.”

Keith didn’t say anything for a while and chewed on his lower lip. “Is it really that bad? I mean… I haven’t noticed anything and finals are just around the corner right?” He thought back to the few times he’d seen Lance. He had always looked cheery and well… relaxed.

Hunk seemed to be pondering over his answer for a while. That’s when they heard the door behind them open slowly and Lance and Pidge slipped back into the room, Pidge holding a coffee cup in each hand. Hunk leaned over a bit and whispered just before the other two sat down. “Look at his eyes, he thinks we don’t notice…”

Keith had no idea what he meant by that and was staring at a spot on the floor absently when Lance waved his hand in front of his face to get him out of his trance. “Keith, buddy, my man. They’re about to start, don’t pass out on me now!”

Keith blushed a little and sat up straighter. “Yeah, sorry. Not passing out. Now, let’s see your space magic thing. Hope it’s as good as you made it sound.”

The boy next to him grinned from ear to ear. “Better.”

The crowd around them applauded loudly. Apparently the speech part was over and somebody dimmed the lights, making everyone go silent. It was now completely dark in the hall. Keith could feel his palms getting sweaty. Why was this taking so long? He swallowed hard.

He whispered, almost inaudible “Lance?” but in this exact moment they turned on the projectors and surprised ahhhhs and ohhhs could be heard through the entire room.

Keith threw his head back so quickly he almost hit it on his seat’s backrest.

Lance’s words hadn’t prepared him for what he was seeing now at all. It was truly just… beautiful. Thousands of little stars were dancing on the ceiling and the floor and just everywhere. He knew he was sitting in a boring lecture hall and he felt incredibly stupid for even thinking so but for a moment he really felt like he was in space. His heartbeat sped up and his eyes wander around the entire room so quickly he was almost getting sick.

Keith was trying to take it all in before it stopped. The stars danced around his fingertips as he raised his hand in front of his face and watched. He wasn’t even questioning how the whole thing worked it was just too… too everything. In a good way.

“Sooo, did I promise too much?” Lance suddenly whispered next to his ear.

Keith just shook his head and then turned it to smile at him. “No, you didn’t. This is great! Thanks for inviting me to this.” Lance smiled at him and then quickly turned his head to the ceiling again. Neither of them mentioned that it had actually been Hunk who invited Keith.

Keith was still staring at Lance’s face from the corner of his eyes, watching the stars being projected onto his skin and their reflections in his eyes. He looked so beautiful like this, it made Keith’s head spin. He wanted to say something, to tell Lance how pretty he was but he bit his tongue instead. Just friends he reminded himself.

That’s when he remembered Hunk’s words from earlier and looked at Lance’s eyes more closely. What was he supposed to see? The long eyelashes? The small freckles underneath them? The well blended but thick layer of… concealer? Something clicked in his brain. Hunk had mentioned that Lance wasn’t sleeping enough and pushing too hard. Of course he and many others were unable to tell if they didn’t know what to look for. Lance had covered up his dark circles almost perfectly. Almost… Keith turned his gaze to the ceiling again and frowned. Why was he pretending to be fine? It was normal to be tired around finals wasn’t it? Why was he trying to hide it?

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid we have to end this now since our time is up,” a voice sounded from the front of the room. “Thank you all for coming and enjoy the rest of your day on campus.” They turned off the projectors and disappointment could be heard all around. Some classical song started to play and people started to shift but the lights were still out. Keith dug his nails into his palm and tried to breathe evenly. It’s fine, he tried to tell himself. They’re gonna turn them back on every second. Only they didn’t.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we’re having some trouble back here. We’re sure everything will be fixed soon,” the voice echoed again. “Always a bit hard to find the light switch in the dark.” The voice said and gave a fake laugh. Some parents laughed as well. Keith didn’t. He gulped and pressed deeper into his seat.

He could feel Lance stir in the dark next to him and a hand touching his shoulder. “Keith? Are you okay?” Before Keith could even think of something to respond with the lights were finally turned back on. Keith let out a very deep breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding until now. He quickly unclenched his hands and turned his head to give Lance a small smile.

“All good, yes. I’m a bit sad it was over so quickly though.”

Lance looked at him questioningly for a second longer before he returned the smile. “Right? I wish they would do this more often!”

The group got up and headed out before the mass of people in the hall could block the aisles. The bright sunlight blinded Keith for a moment when they walked outside and he held up his helmet to shield his eyes. Someone walked into him from behind and he quickly turned around to apologize for stopping in the doorway but it was Lance he was looking at. An elderly woman complained about them being in her way and they stepped aside and walked a few feet to get away from the mass.

“Sorry for bumping into you,” Lance started, “It’s just,” he pointed at the helmet in Keith’s hand. “I didn’t notice before because I was so excited about the star thing but… did you bring your bike?” Hunk listened to their conversation and laughed looking at Lance now. Keith didn’t exactly understand what he thought was so funny and turned to Pidge for help but they were just quietly smiling at the whole scene.

“Ummm, yes? It’s how I got here. I don’t have a car, soo…” Keith shrugged a little lost.

“Awesome! I mean great. I mean...,” Lance scratched his head. “Can I see it?”

“Uhh, sure. I parked right over there.” Keith pointed over his shoulder. Lance didn’t even wait for the others. He was already on his way to the parking lot, almost running. When the others caught up with him he was inspecting Keith’s bike and admiring the details of the machine by almost touching it with his nose.

Hunk and Pidge seemed kind of impressed too and Hunk slapped Keith’s shoulder. “Sweet ride, Keith!” He joined Lance in walking around the bike to get a better look. “Lance mentioned you work at a workshop. Did you build this yourself?”

Keith nodded and then realised that Hunk wasn’t looking at him so he couldn’t see. “Yah, I did. It was the first project I did without Shiro’s help. Took me a while to find all the parts. I could get a better bike if I wanted but I’m kind of sentimental I guess.”

Lance nodded. “No I get it. It’s a bit like it’s your child, right? I mean… you made her.”

Keith smiled. “Yeah. I guess.”

Pidge gave a fake cough to get everyone’s attention and pointed at the bike. “If you’re finished drooling over that can we go get some food please?”

“That?” Keith repeated in a fake hurt tone.

“They’re secretly loving this more than Lance and me. You should see the stuff they build. We should visit you at your shop and just leave Pidge there for a few hours. They’d have the time of their life.” Hunk chuckled at the expression on Pidge’s face after his revelation.

 “Speaking of food though,” Lance looked at Keith and tilted his head, “We thought about grabbing a bite at Planet Altea. You in?”

Keith considered for a moment. He could spend some more time with them and get to know them better. He probably should. Shiro would tell him to… but he also really wanted to go home. The light incident had seriously freaked him out even if he didn’t want to show it. He’d rather calm down at home, alone, where he could stop pretending and no one would see what a mess he really was after such a small thing.

“Sorry, I need to leave. Shiro wants to visit an old friend of his and he’s dragging me along.” Lie. Shiro never dragged him anywhere Keith didn’t want to go. Apart of from that Shiro wasn’t even home right now.

Lance chewed his lower lip. “Ohh. Okay. We’ll text then?” The disappointed look on his face made Keith feel bad instantly.

“Yes definitely. It was really great. Thank you all for taking me.” Let me leave let me go.

Pidge and Hunk said goodbye and they watched Keith take off quickly. Lance waved one last time before he was out of sight, but Keith didn’t turn around to see it.

 Usually driving calmed him down but he felt himself get more anxious with every mile. He was glad he could finally take off the helmet when he arrived at his and Shiro’s place because he could breathe more freely instantly. He put the bike in the garage, unlocked the front door and took the elevator up to their floor. After hastily unlocking the front door and locking it after himself again, he immediately kicked off his boots and headed for his bedroom.  

He’d learned a few breathing techniques during his never ending counseling sessions and was really glad about that right now. After some minutes of leaning against his door he got his breathing under control. His thoughts however where still spinning, so he put his favourite playlist on shuffle and flopped down on his bed.

After a couple of songs Keith took out his phone to ask Shiro when he would be home and noticed he had gotten a few messages.

 (2:17pm): Hey, u ok?

(2:18pm): Getting kind of an anxious vibe over here?!

(2:20): Also thats an awful lot of emo music for someone who insists hes not emo ;)

 Shit. Sometimes he forgot the soulmate connection was a thing.

 (2:33pm): Sorry! Yes I’m good

There was an immediate response.

(2:33pm): U sure? Doesnt feel like it

(2:35pm): Idk

(2:36pm): Maybe not

(2:36pm): do you wanna talk? I can call u

Keith’s whole body tensed. Was he ready for that? Should he lie, maybe say he was tired and wanted to nap or something? Should he tell the truth? He frowned.

(2:37pm): I’m not… good at phone calls

(2:37pm): Np u can just listen and I’ll do the talkin

(2:39pm): that’d be ok?

Keith swallowed. Shiro probably wouldn’t be home for a while and he really needed to talk to someone. The question was if Lance was safe to talk to? Would it overstep the friendship line? Why could things never be easy…

 (2:42pm): yes, ok

 [Incoming call: Lance McClain]

More author’s notes:

This fic on AO3

Yeah after 500 years I finally updated. I could explain at length why it took my so long but it comes down to this: I was stressed, I was depressed, I’m sorry but now it’s finally here! Hooray!

As always a big THANK YOU to @alteanmoonchild for being my beta and for reading every new draft and honestly telling me when what I wrote isn’t good so I can improve and grow. I love us working together on this <3

Thank you to all of you for reading! If you have any questions or feedback send me an ask or dm me <3

Me an my friends finally cosplayed Voltron so if you wanna see me as Shiro and my awesome friends as Keith, Lance and Coran head over to my instagram.

Do you know what keeps me motivated when I so often doubt my writing and don’t know how to continue? Getting feedback! So please reblog, like, comment or even draw fanart. Whenever I read an “I love this” comment it makes me incredible happy! Also one of my goals is to someday have someone draw fanart for something wrote soo... if you wanna do that I’ll love you. Also please tag me if you do.

If you want me to tag you in the next part when I post it, just send me an ask saying so and I’ll add you to the taglist.

taglist: @alyy--caticus @princealektheorange @an-important-nobody @teddyorionpotter @spookyscaryshitstorm @ladythugs @positevelybakerstreet @meganmoo02 @atomicengineerdetective @jishwadun-is-jishwafun @anemoee

[thisisabouta]

This is About a... Nail in the Coffin.

Quarantine Day #44.

I quit my job yesterday. Well, technically I put in my two weeks notice but either way, I’m done. Nothing felt right there. The second I walked in to talk to my boss, I felt this huge wave of anxiety and things just started coming back to me... I’m genuinely surprised that he was upset and tearing up when I told him.

I know with the associates there will be... mixed reviews. And then after a very short while, it will be as if I was never there. Except when they get together and talk shit about all the former bosses they’ve had in that store. It may sound like a reach but I was a part of some of those conversations, so I know it happens. It does hurt knowing that some of the people there will always have a negative opinion of me. I also know it was highly unlikely that I was going to change those opinions.

It is sad in a way, to go out this “discreetly” but the alternative was worse. It’s just me now though. I still have a part time job thank God but that also won’t be fully up and running again until the quarantine is over. I’m fully relying on myself. I am literally banking on myself and that is insane. This transitional period though.... this shit is fucking awful.

When the whispers started about there being store closures due to a virus that was going around, I was worried about my health but my immediate thought was “I hope we close!” I was quietly waiting while loudly expressing my panic over dying from this shit (once I fully understood what it was). My panic lessened over time and we received our notice to close. I couldn’t wait to burrow myself in my room but so far, this shit has been fucking tragic. I like being alone (for the most part) but this is a lot of social distancing, even for me. And it’s not that I need to be in a store, around customers but it was nice to vent to my coworkers from time to time. At certain times of my retail career, my job was killing me while simultaneously saving me. It was my only purposeful creative outlet for a long time. It’s just unfortunate that that’s what I put ALL of my attention into.

Now I have to start over. Which is what I wanted but now my starting over involves being confined to a two bedroom apartment with my roommate. We’re not getting along, to say the least. As of right now, I’m not even sure if we’re still friends. I don’t know if we’ve actually been friends this whole time. Somethings always been off and like I do with most situations, I see the good in people and I run with it. The way our friendship started was not ideal in the slightest. If you have to hide that you’re spending time with someone, that’s a sign. We ignored all of them and here we are. I don’t even want to be in my own apartment.

In first few weeks of the quarantine, I lost around ten pounds and dropped back down to a size four without any exercising. My journey of not eating meat hasn’t been rough but there were no instant changes. Like with most diets, you have to wait for the result so I had that mindset but I’m also not sure what result I was actually looking for. Initially, I became Pescatarian because I was going off of my Lamotrigine and I was looking into more Hollistic ways to help myself. That is also why I started smoking weed. I can’t speak on how much it’s helped my mood but my whole body changed.

When I lost the weight though, it was happening at an almost abnormal pace. And then my appetite completely disappeared. I felt exactly how I did when I was in jail. I had half a slice of bread in a three day period. I was so stressed out [and what I believe to be disassociating] that food didn’t look like food to me. Smells weren’t registering. I could barely chew. Now that I’ve gone through it again, I can’t pinpoint what triggered it. I wasn’t stressed about the ban because my company was [is] still paying me and I don’t take that for granted but something was definitely wrong with me.

I started breaking out constantly and that is not normal for me. My period completely reset so it was two weeks late and that was terrifying. And then I got Sausage digit, which I hate typing because the word just feels gross. It was my pinky on my right hand. When I woke up that morning, I knew something was wrong with my hand immediately. My finger was just red and partially swollen at that point but it progressively got worse. It got to the point that I was seriously considering going to the doctor but they would’ve turned me away due to the overcrowding in hospitals right now. I basically came to the conclusion that it was either SD, Celiac disease or just a pinched nerve. There was also a slight possibility that I jammed it into a wall and sprained it. It’s happened before and the only reason I know is because of the damage that was left behind. But eventually I figured out it was SD.

It went away after a day and a half but it was painful and completely out of nowhere. It was hard to sleep that night though. There were articles about it potentially getting so bad that my finger would need to be amputated. I was way in my head on this one but the physical aspects were extremely scary. Along with only being able to eat when I’m high, the beginning of this was not a good time for me. I locked myself in my room for a week [five days] and things just got worse from there. My roommate didn’t know how to deal with it so I was inadvertently hurting someone while trying to heal myself. That’s a difficult thought for me to process. When we discussed it however, she was clear to let me know she didn’t need to know “for her” if I was okay, she just didn’t know how dark it could get”... Ok. Well thank you for being sure to let me know that you’re not “doing it for you”. That kinda sounds to me like you don’t care and if you don’t care, then why are we having this conversation.

I also had a “speed walking, back and forth while petting the cat, listening to music and crying” day and other unfortunate days in between. Now on Day #45, I have to navigate my way through the wreckage from a very heated argument between my roommate and myself. It was the fight that I knew was going to happen eventually but I wasn’t prepared for it. She brought up how I constantly judge her, I am part of the reason why she quit her job (when we worked together), she doesn’t like the music I listen to even though she’s pretended to enjoy it this entire time, she doesn’t like that I tell her when I have a bad feeling about someone she’s dating. She made it clear that she needs to “make her own mistakes” and my issue with that is her thinking someone is trying to stop her. I might pass you a friendly warning when you’ve been arrested once tor drinking and driving once I have three DUIs but maybe that’s on me. Maybe I need to mind my own business. But if that’s what I need to do, then don’t ask me for my opinion about anything ever again.

The argument that turned into a conversation was about four or five hours long and I can’t remember what started it exactly. I do know however that I’m the one who initiated it. I made an honest statement about something and it was the wrong move. Everything went downhill from there. I said almost everything I had been thinking in the past year or so. I told her there’s no mutual respect between us. I made her a part of my life and when she was bored with me, she went and hung out with other people instead. Fine. All of this worked around her new relationship so I wasn’t going to tell her not to hang out with her girlfriend. Do whatever the fuck you want but do not say shit to me about me not hanging out with you when you’ve ditched me numerous times.

We also talked about her work review. The horrible fucking review I gave her when she was my associate. It was honest and blunt and she cried over it in the office that day, twice. It’s one of the things we don’t talk about but I think I’m the one who brought it up. Again, I kept digging. She asked me what I’m getting out of the friendship and I don’t know if I had answer for that. She did when I asked her but she kept coming back to the fact that “I see something in her that no one else sees”. I don’t know how much weight that holds when I upset you more than I motivate you. It’s something to her. It might be nothing to me.

We talked about how we avoid each other, we don’t help each other when we’re sick, she’s one way with me and different with everyone else, how Im tired of constantly being the one to push things forward... all of the shit I told myself was going to come out eventually. Why should I have to deal with this shit at home? It’s like I literally can’t escape my problems. Mix that with a two month long quarantine and it’s fucking awful. Right now, I’m trying to decide if I want to talk this out today or just leave it alone. A part of me is hoping that she forgot most of it. Who the fuck knows.

[chocosvt]

❝ 92 statements tag ❞

i was tagged by jeonghan’s amazing gf @jeonghney for the 92 statement’s tag. thnk u my gold rose petal.

rules: answer these 92 statements and tag 10 people ! if there are questions that are too personal or you don’t want to answer, skip them or make a new one :^)

THE LAST (1-5):

drink: h2o

phone call: oh gosh, i can hardly remember. pizza pizza? who doesn’t deliver so thnks for soiling my day.

text: to a group chat.

song you listened to: exo - touch it bc i appreciate art.

time you cried: lmao like yesterday bc i was watching an emotional ep of hotel hell.

HAVE YOU (6-11):

dated someone twice: nope.

kissed someone and regretted it: i dont think so?

been cheated on: in uno yes.

lost someone special: yep.

been depressed: depression is received at many levels. extremely sad yes, but not depressed.

gotten drunk and thrown up: im the one holding ur hair back.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS (12-14):

pink!!

light purple!!

silver!!

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU (15-21):

made new friends: lots irl n online!!

fallen out of love: yes.

laughed until you cried: yes everyday bc i gave myself a laugh n a half.

found out someone was talking about you: nope.

met someone who changed you: i havent met them!!

found out who your friends are: ive been with the same squad for 4 yrs n we’re just chillin.

kissed someone on your facebook list: i have never used fb a day in my life.

GENERAL (22-34):

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: ^

do you have any pets: im living with 2 kitties right now!! but ive owned many different animals in the past.

do you want to change your name: she can stay as she is.

what did you do for your last birthday: my friends nd i booked a hotel room!!

what time did you wake up: 11:30am lol.

what were you doing at midnight last night: eating cereal!! every time i stay up past midnight i will eat cereal 2 celebrate all the hours of sleep im wasting.

name something you can’t wait for: to hang out with my bff’s we have not seen each other all summer.

when was the last time you saw your mom: yesterday bc she broke into my room for m&m’s.

what’s one thing you wish you could change in your life: hmm, idk. i’d like 2 be taller bc i cannot reach the popcorn shelf!!! :(

what are you listening to right now: a lot of dua lipa!!

have you ever talked to a person named tom: yup.

most visited website: tumblr / instagram / youtube / twitter

LOST QUESTIONS (35-64):

moles: a few on my arms n a trail tht’s up my shoulder. tht’s abt it

marks: i have a mark on the side of my head but my hair covers it. n one on my knee from when i fuckinj fell down a bridge.

hair color: blonde.

long hair or short: medium length is more fitting.

do you have a crush on someone: i would rather crush on a thumbtack than half the b*ys in my division. there are some nice girls tho!!

what do you like about yourself: some days there are many things!! other days there’s like 2 things. so im not sure!! im just trying my best i guess!!

piercings: two lobe piercings on both ears n im set for an industrial.

blood type: i would know the scientific notation of the distance between earth and sirius b before i knew this.

nickname: i h8 when ppl make nicknames outta my real name so i dont have any.

relationship status: sasuke and i are going on a trip to berlin next fall.

zodiac: aquarius.

pronouns: she/her

favorite tv show: the office / teen wolf / house / american horror story / atlab

tattoos: nope.

right or left hand: right.

surgery: no surgeries.

hair dyed in a different color: ive been a blonde bitch my whole life.

sport: basketball / sleep.

vacation: i just got back from a vacay n it was gr8 i got 10/10 sky pics!!<3

pair of trainers: im rlly obsessed with shoes but ive been wearing the same vans for 5 yrs. (my feet never grow!!)

MORE GENERAL (57-73):

eating: i like eating watermelon, twix bars n marinated ribs!! just fuck me up.

drinking: iced tea n orange juice are my faves.

i’m about to: it’s just past lunch which means it’s time to eat breakfast.

waiting for: some mf’ motivation 2 punch me in the face so i can write some more today!!

want: i rlly want a specialized rice krispie spoon ive been trying for a year!!!! :((

get married: i just dont think ill ever like someone enough 2 wanna live in the same house as them for tht long.

career: an english or bilingual teacher. i wouldnt mind teaching chemistry either.

WHICH IS BETTER (65-73):

hugs or kisses: i rlly dislike physical contact so i would pick neither, but hugs!!

lips or eyes: eyes!!

shorter or taller: it does not matter.

older or younger: older, but i wouldnt mind if they were a few months younger.

nice arms or nice stomach: i have this weird attraction to forearms so. also next time u look at  a junhui pic look at his wrists he has such nice wrists!!! what cream is he using??!?

sensitive or loud: this is so complicated. i rlly dont like loud ppl just bc im easily overwhelmed n agitated with their… over-boisterousness?? nd i will always protec the sensitive ppl n respect their tolerance levels. we just dont mesh well bc ill always worry abt hurting their feelings. u just gotta get someone who knows ur vibe. idk what im saying. i guess loud.

hook up or relationship: relationship.

troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker lol.

HAVE YOU EVER (74-83):

kissed a stranger: nope.

drank hard liquor: just picture tht vine of the kid goin “yo, all this vodka down the hatch” then being completely revolted. tht’s me

lost glasses/contact lenses: every day of my life.

turned someone down: yes.

sex in the first date: nope.

broken someone’s heart: yes.

had your heart broken: i rlly try not 2 wallow in those emotions n instead distract myself so not entirely.

been arrested: no but someone called the cops on me n my friend. (it was just a misunderstanding. i swear i wasnt doin a line of cocaine in an alley way or anything like tht tjgnjt4e)

fallen for a friend: yes!!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN (84-89):

yourself: *insert meme of me watching my own back*

miracles: it would be a miracle if junhui grew out his hair. but also chunks ahoy chocolate chip cookies.

love at first sight: not rlly. it’s usually falling for the idea of being with that person, instead of who they actually are as a person.

santa claus: im still waiting for my easy bake oven u jolly piece of shit.

kiss on the first date: maybe a cheek kiss? idk. a little spice is always nice.

angels: yes. who else is up there bowling?

OTHER (90-92):

favorite thing to do when you’re bored: zone off and completely disassociate.

do you wear socks to sleep: ive done it like 3 times. it’s not tht bad.

favorite movies: FLIPPED. captain phillips / my neighbour totoro / napoleon dynamite.

tagging : oh gosh idk (ofc this is optional!!) @jeonghangif / @sukaato / @meanei / @lolitasletters / @jaehyunsleatherpants / @boysbe / @seokshuas / @trbld-writer

[toothsoup]

tagged by: @lizard-boot-camp you fricking nerd 

rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people 

my tags: if i tag the same ppl as skye do i die uhhhh anyway - @tiredluigi @thevocamon @pixelzarya @pixelmei @what-the-birb @the-wind-whistler @moonybear @the-ghosty-king @democraccy @mysticeagleconnoisseur @wronginallthewrightways @meesawannadie @international-spacestation @shuck-you-lightworm @xingniu @ppeachier @adumbrat-e @xavierfieldiezz @catsatellite @mameihua

THE LAST:

1. Drink: good ole water 

2. Phone call: @trxnquilvibes

3. Text message: uhhhh texting lola abt space

4. Song you listened to: mango kimono by ljones

5. Time you cried: like 2 hours ago 

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: no

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: ya

8. Been cheated on: no

9. Lost someone special: yep

10. Been depressed : lol 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: grey, pale yellow, periwinkle

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yep!!!

16. Fallen out of love: :/

17. Laughed until you cried: definitely

18. Found out someone was talking about you: yep lol like last week

19. Met someone who changed you: yes!!!

20. Found out who your friends are: a few ig

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: uhhh all but like 4?

23. Do you have any pets: my angel marshmallow kitty baby rory, a yorkie named piper, and a betta named skye!

24. Do you want to change your name: g od yes

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i went 2 a pub w my parents and cried and then my dad moved out the next day

26. What time did you wake up: 11:39

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was either skyping kill or watching barakamon

28. Name something you can’t wait for: death?? wow edgy but uhhh rn i want my amazon order so bad lol

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like 2 hours ago 

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i was a successful and motivated neurotypical who loved myself

31. What are you listening to right now: in your arms by saib

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my back is killing me??

34. Most visited website: my grades portal and ao3 lol

35. Mole/s: uh….more than 40

36. Mark/s: i have a birthmark on my thigh and in the middle of my back, matching scars from dance on each ankle, weird but not matching scars on my hands/wrists (a fire ant bite and an oven burn lol), a scar all the way down my stomach from where i tried to climb a fence, a scar on my scalp from where imy friend dropped me on my head, a scar on my lip from hitting my chin on a toilet seat when i was little, and like a dent near my eye from a wasp sting. also just weird acne scars n KP scars on my arms n legs, wow i love oversharing

37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be a doctor/pharmacist lmao that was my parents fault tho

38. Hair color: naturally dark brown, almost black but rn its dark red

39. Long or short hair: short

40. Do you have a crush on someone: :3

41. What do you like about yourself: idk i seem to be able to make people laugh and i like my handwriting 

42. Piercings: two in each earlobe

43. Blood type: O negative i t??Hink???

44. Nickname: baz, nate, ghost, goose, ghoot

45. Relationship status: single

46. Zodiac: pisces

47. Pronouns: they/them

48. Favorite TV Show(s): steven universe, american dad lol, oitnb, idk man i waste so much time watching shows

49. Tattoos: not yet

50. Right or left hand: right

51. Surgery: uhh i had ear tubes when i was like 4

52. Hair dyed in different color: 4 times so far

53. Sport: irish dance n marching band/guard

55. Vacation: like…the last one?? uhh i was just in michigan and indiana for camp/grandparents

56. Pair of trainers: uhh i like a lot of shoes they’re my weakness but i have cool grey skechers i just got that r really light and i like them

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i ate lo mein earlier ?

58. Drinking: apple juice in like 5 seconds

59. I’m about to: go to bed hopefully

61. Waiting for: before the storm, my goddamn amazon order, my class schedule, voltron season 3

62. Want: too much

63. Get married: mixed feelings

64. Career: editing or architecture 

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs or like…not lip kissing 

66. Lips or eyes: uhhh eyes

67. Shorter or taller: shrug

68. Older or younger: shrug

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: idk what nice refers to uh

71. Sensitive or loud: both

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: both

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: no

75. Drank hard liquor: yes

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yeah whoops

77. Turned someone down: yes

78. Sex on the first date: no

79. Broken someone’s heart: gosh i hope not

80. Had your heart broken: sorta

81. Been arrested: almost but luckily no

82. Cried when someone died: i cried about someone who died 3 years ago yesterday so yeah

83. Fallen for a friend: all the fucking time

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: lol funni

85. Miracles: i dunno anymore

86. Love at first sight: sorta

87. Santa Claus: i kinda wish but no

88. Kiss on the first date: i mean idc??

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: im listing multiple bc?? its complicated okay?? simon, emily, ryan, kill, gail, abby, megan. 

91. Eye color: brown and not even a nice brown 

92. Favorite movie: me and earl and the dying girl or scott pilgrim vs the world

[thiccandmentallysicc]

Get to know me:

Tagged by talented/total babe @offansandflames ♡

Rules: answer 92 83 statements (i skipped some boring ones srry), tag whomever you please.

THE LAST. 1. Drink: pabst blue ribbon, yes im white trash 2. Phone call: mom 3. Text message: my bestfriend 4. Song you listened to: keaton henson, to your health 5. Time you cried: erm a lil yesterday but like deep convo tears

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice?: a relit ciggarette never tastes the same 7. Kissed someone and regretted it?: Not enough to recall at the moment. 8. Been cheated on?: I haven’t taken many partners, so to my knowledge, no? 9. Lost someone special?: Yes 10: Been depressed: :,) 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: my life from 15-19 tbh, not in the party, neurotypical fashion more along the Wtf Pls exPlain type way or for shits n giggles

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14. Baby pink and blue, black.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends?:Yes if online counts? Very beautiful and enchanting spirits who i already love 16. Fallen out of love?: never do if its real, cuz im a romantic//also think u always care a little for those you really loved 17. Laughed until you cried?: yesterday actually like rllllly good because my girl dropped her entire jug of wine right before opening it. The universe flicked us off dirty. 18. Found out someone was talking about you?: Yeah, some good, some bad, some wild. Idk. 19. Met someone who changed you?: Yes some beautifully, made me fonder, some not so lovely but thats ok (try to make it ok) 20. Found out who your friends are?: I have fucking one bestfriend who i hold to that certain standard shes my lover/ soul mate and weve been through a fucking ride n shes still my number one. If others let me down i find ways to make it bittersweet. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list?: yus GENERAL 22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life?: Idk some r family and people from all the schools i went to. I dont care for facebook much. 23. Do you have any pets?: one black, perfect cat with lil rays of auburn going down her back, i named her clementine. Also 4 dumb n rlly cute dogs live with me. I like one a lot, Luna, shes my princess. (Yes i admit favorites idgaf/ she also knows she’s my fav n takes advantage) 24. Do you want to change your name?: mydad originally wanted to name me Xena (after xena princess warrior) whom i developed an intense crush on later. 25. What did you do for you last birthday?: yo lol i dont know i turned 22 i just had drinks and smoked with my bestfriend 26. What time did you wake up?: didnt check, i usually wake up multiple times n go back to sleep If i can 27. What were you doing midnight last night?: either in my gfs car or just getting home 28. Name something you can’t wait for?: my classes to start again, mini roadtrip to Gainesville and maybe being able to see my little cousin soon. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: lik e 2 seconds ago. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life?: sjdufjekwns 31. What are you listening to right now?: Keaton Henson 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: lol nah not that i remember 33. Something that’s getting on your nerves?: the state of the Union, how 2 get my smol dogs to stop barking, why do ppl have to live w abusers and when will my witch powers allow me to cast them off into The Void, my general discomfort n lack of motivation. To casually name a few ,, 34. Most visited website?: ao3, Tumblr RANDOM SHIT: 35. Mole/s?: lol?? Moles can b cute, i have a few. 36. Mark/s?: plenty, one in particular tho i have on my upper forehead not like harry potter sttle unfortunately, its all hidden near my scalp 37. Childhood dream?: i always wanted to do something that would let me swim with humpback whales in natural habitat ofcourse or track the lives n rituals of wolves and then i was like mayb ill just be aschool counsler, all of which i still kinda wana do. 38. Hair color?: blonde 39. Long or Short hair?: i have medium length hair but i like both 40. Do you have a crush on someone?: I literally always have a crush on someone, idk crushes to me means you make me happy and blushy and if you make me laugh, i crush. 41. What do you like about yourself?: i could say i like how i am when im with someone i love. N that some ppl are able to confide in me, id say my empathy but idk i can be a fuckface too. 42. Piercings?: tongue I got snakebites, industrial, bellybutton, reg ol ear piercings too. 43. Bloodtype?: i dont know o.O 44. Nickname?: cookie monster when i was younger, lali, lion, coocoomanga(my dad) renren, rin, my mom says lil shit endearingly and i got the habit. 45. Relationship status?: basically married 46. Zodiac sign?: Aries 47. Pronouns?: She/they 48. Favorite t.v show?: i binge and am not ashamed, supernatural, classic spongebob, south park, parks n rec, modern fam, a haunting, me and my mom watch ancient aliens 2gether , Steven Universe, Adventure Time, the fucking x files, malcolminthemiddle, etc, my animes as well are all shoved in here in my heart. Naruto/free/haikyuu/oourans host club/ HxH etc 49. Tattos: 5 and one on the way, matching one with my love 50. Right or left hand: Righty most def 51. Surgery?: luckily no 52. Hair dyed in different colors?: I maintain the blonde i had at like six, its naturally dirty brownish? At one point i dyed it platinum tho 53. Sport?: In my anime MORE GENERAL 54. I’m about to?: Finish some arts and crafts for some letters im making (: and then a smol walk 55. Waiting for?: some inspo, 56. Get married?: its not very important to me. But if my partner became passionate about it i would be rite there w em 57. Career?: I’m majoring in psychology/minor in education WHICH IS BETTER? 58. Hugs or kisses?: depends on who but I’m a sap for both 59. Lips or eyes?: Eyes, give me them soulful orbs 60. Shorter or taller?: no preference 61. Older or younger?: You can be a shithead at any age, so no preference. 62. Nice arms or nice stomach?: eh,, not sure to be honest. I love hands and forearms, so i suppose arms? 63. Sensitive or loud?: u gotta be both at least every now and then. Either extreme will be bothersome though 64. Hook up or relationship?: eh past experiences make hook ups generally uncomfortable n left me feeling ace/aceromantic for a good portion of my teen yrs but im not impartial 65. Troublemaker or hesitant: ive calmed down but im not hesitant unless my gut says so HAVE YOU EVER? 66. Kissed a stranger?: yes 67. Drank hard liquor?: yes 68. Lost glasses/contacts?: glasses, yes. 69. Turned someone down?: as a chick in miami ¿¿¿ of fucking course 70. Sex on the first date?: lol yes 71. Broken someone’s heart?: seems dramatic i dont feel like i have sincerely done that, just hurt them. 72. Had your heart broken?: In a way mostly by close friends / family 73. Been arrested?: when i was 15 for dumb shit like trespassing 74. Cried when someone died?: yes 75. Fallen for a friend?: i crush on all my friends because i love alot DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 76. Yourself?: Yes because Rock Lee would want me to 77. Miracles?: i think miracles are a byproduct of a fucking amazing universe. 78. Love at first sight?: i think of it as a magnetic pull n interest not love 79. Santa Clause?: i fucking love christmas, idgaf 80. Kiss on the first date?: yup OTHER 81. Current bestfriend?: @mariekankerr 7 years n countin babe 82. Eyecolor?: blue 83. Favorite Movie?: Lilo and Stitch, Pulp Fiction, The Iron Giant, A Fish Called Wanda, Murder By Death, Knights of the Round Table, mel brooks in general, The Changeling (bt like the oroginal one not w Angelina jolie it came out in like the 90s?) Spirited Away, Clue, Hot Chicks, A Bronx Tale I tag: @shamelesssasukestan @hotmessmuffin @narutoandsasukearecanon and i suck at this so just go for it and tag me so i can lurk on u