#all of this is unhinged but in a very grown up and deranged way

[highkey-confused]

I’m so glad I got into the mcr fandom at this point in time with the band as it is. If I’d been an edgy teenager in 07 or something I would have been so incredibly insufferable

[anoddopal]

Profile for Bunny Sawyer; with artwork courtesy of @rabidwerechihuahua!!

HORROR/SLASHER SONA- TW for mentioned cannibalism in bio below!

➣・Name: Bunny Sawyer [later; West?] ➣・Age: 27 ➣・Occupation: “Jack of All Trades, Master of None” [Phlebotomist, Laboratory Assistant, Homemaker] ➣・Hobbies: Vulture Culture, Studying Medical Anomalies, Nagging at her family, Animal Husbandry, REDUCE. REUSE. RECYCLE. … REANIMATE? ♻️

➣・The Saw: Bunny is a close cousin to the Sawyer Family. A Sawyer by name and blood, yet just removed enough to have not grown up in the nuclear family home. Bunny doesn’t even live in Texas; at least, not full time. She branched out - despite Drayton’s hemming and hawing - and currently takes up residence in Arkham, Massachusetts. That aside, Bunny finds her way back to Newt, Texas several times a year. It’s her place of respite. It’s somewhere where she can ‘get away from it all’. No matter where Bunny ends up in the world, she will always come back home.

➣・Hiding in Plain Sight: Bunny, like her big cousin Drayton, is the most socially acceptable person of the family. Though certainly an outward oddball, she can mask her unhinged tendencies to the public quite well. As a result, Bunny lives a fairly typical lifestyle. She works a respectable job, contributes what she can to society, and chatters incessantly about her menagerie of animal companions. Y’know, ~ normal ~ !!

Most wouldn’t even peg Bunny as a member of the Sawyer clan unless they looked twice. Yet there’s no denying she boasts some of that Sawyer grunge. It’s all in that crooked smile; in the manic twinkle of her brown eyes.

She’s unsuspecting. Small, thin, bubbly, and frequently clad in pink. Definitely not the vision that comes to mind when someone imagines a deranged, antisocial cannibal. And that trait alone just might make her the most dangerous Sawyer of them all.

➣・Runs in the Family: Meat. The Sawyer Family has always had a good eye for prime meat. Bunny is no exception, and partakes in consumption of “Long Pig” when she visits the family back home. It’s not something she cares to give a significant amount of thought. As long as she doesn’t have to help bring home the bacon or prep it in any way, she does just fine with eating human flesh. She’s not too crazy about organ meat, though. And brain matter? ABSOLUTELY NOT. There will be no spread of prion disease in this household!

Animal meat, on the other hand, can be very touch and go for her. There are the obvious no-nos on her list, but the number one critter Bunny refuses to consume are rabbits. Heavens no, she’s not that much of a monster!!

➣・Bunny’s Contribution: Everyone in the family has a role to play. Chop and Nubbins target unsuspecting individuals. Bubba slaughters and processes. Drayton cooks. As for Bunny? Bunny collects food for Grandpa. Even when Bunny is off the clock, that venipuncture technique of hers never goes to waste. The Patriarch of the Sawyer Clan survives off of nothing but blood [and possibly spite] these days, and Bunny is the only person who can get what he needs without making a gory mess in the process. It also helps that Bunny has her cousins ensure the subject of her bloodletting is out cold before the task begins.

Say, an unrelated note on those phlebotomy skills— nothing touched her more than when that enigmatic medical student at Miskatonic University complimented her on her talent with needles. Dr. West never praises anyone, much less acknowledges them of his own volition. That small comment he made while watching her work made Bunny feel... special.

➣・Gentle Hand: As a whole, Bunny really doesn’t want to harm anyone. She fancies herself as something of a pacifist, despite having a dubious hand in her family’s questionable cuisine. She's not the sort to go out of her way to harm anyone. Can't an introvert just have a bit of peace away from the rest of society? Can't other people mind their business, just as she minds hers?

And yet... there are times when Bunny has had enough of the world. Her smile drops. Her face goes blank. Her voice becomes firm. It becomes cold. The capacity to be compassionate shrivels up. And before you know it, she's spouting off the message of “A Modest Proposal” without a lick of irony to be found. And when Bunny is pushed to at point, of course, it's simply too late.

🐇: “You ever hear that old adage about how we can solve overpopulation and world hunger at the same time? Whoa, hey! Sit. Back. Down. Hear me out for a second-”

➣・Scavenger: One of Bunny’s many hobbies is partaking in Vulture Culture. During the late night hours Bunny joins up with her cousins [mostly just Nubbins, though sometimes Chop and Bubba also come along] to seek out fresh roadkill. Death surrounds Bunny- a fact that she's all too aware of. Collecting and displaying the bones of creatures who have passed on helps her find a healthier viewpoint on the subject. Nature will take what it needs from the corpses, and she will lovingly give the last few remnants of them a place to rest.

As of yet, Bunny hasn't accompanied Nubbins on one of his graveyard plundering adventures. [However, she does have a few human bones in her collection from the victims of her familys' slaughters.] Nubbins has helped her craft a few of her favorite accessories:

⪧ A cutesy headband made with the ears of a desert cottontail ⪧ A necklace/earring set made from the skull of a domestic cat ⪧ A handy patchwork sack made from cow hide + assorted pelts [said sack holds various odds and ends- including her needles, amongst other curious items...]

[batman-gif]

Thing of the day I'm losing it over:

Stan read Fords journals. He read them, cover to cover page after page. He read his scribbled out notes about dreams of adventuring with 'his brother' he read about his loneliness, about how excited he was to have a friend, he read about his dreams of grandeur, his hopes, his weird guilt nightmares about Stan, reading the first two he probably went over hundreds of times the half scribbled notes about himself, about how 'the author' never fit in, never felt happy, the notes about 'my brother' and what's worse, what infinitely worse?? He didn't get journal 3 till the very end, he spent 30 years assuming his brother was an uptight loner who hated him and only ONLY when he read journal 3 would he have learned just how sick Ford was mentally and physically when they met. He would have *seen* the pages where he's trying to stay awake for days with coffee after coffee, his abandonment of his only friend, his unhinged scared rambles and scribbles- his fear that everyone was watching him, his devolution read by a brother who spent his entire life thinking Ford was the 'okay' one. Read by his brother that thought he was just, hated. Probably followed by a combination of some horrific sadness at seeing the brother he loves sick like that, seeing that the peppy all-too-perfect shy brother he loved had grown up to become this unwell this deranged while he was gone and he wasn't able to stop it or do anything about it, but on top of that, maybe just a little solice? It wasn't him after all, it was Bill it was Ford it was his work, his brother wasn't okay and the way he treated him wasn't genuine, it was scared and sleep deprived, the possibility that the real Ford would have always wanted him around under a different mental state is very real. Then again, in the middle of Fords most unwell ramblings, at the peak of his horrible twisted paranoia and unrest and self destruction fearing his own body and mind- there's an illustration, crossed out of that stupid motion invention. And it has no caption but it doesn't really need one to understand the meaning, for Stan to understand it at least, that maybe in parts, in ways large and small he created this, he turned his soft, shy twin brother into whatever this is. It's like. When I read the journal and think about Stan reading it knowing it's ford i just. AHHHH.

[notasapleasure]

Safe, 8 episodes (2018), part 1/2

Oh god, let’s get this over with then. I did already do a kind of deranged liveblog of my response to this show, so if you want more vagueing about the stupid plot/characters/concept then head over to that tag (#liveblogging safe). Or just watch it on Netflix yourself, but do make sure to lobotomise yourself with a screwdriver first.

Neil Chahal: beautiful, low-key unhinged, mysterious employment, tight chinos, lovely dressing gown, and you don’t want to know what it is that’s going to revive his ailing marriage to Zoe the French teacher!

Episode 1

We get the distinct impression immediately that everyone in his family finds him exhausting and wishes he would Just Stop. At first, it’s not clear precisely what’s so annoying, but he rises to the occasion pretty quickly.

NEEL. Sorry buddy, that’s your name now. (kneel)

He wants to treat his nineteen-year-old son Chris like a grown-up, so he’s frank with him (no, he’s NEEL </dad joke>) at the family dinner (while wife and daughter have gone away to sigh extravagantly elsewhere)

His son is less blasé about this than he expects.

The next day, Chris and his girlfriend Jenny (daughter of the mc, Tom, let’s not even get started on that guy) are missing.

DRESSING GOWN. FLUFFY. CLEAVAGE.

Chris said he was heading to Ioan’s house.

Oh hohoho wouldn’t you like to know dressing-gown boy he’s the year 12 [sixteen/seventeen-year-old] kid your wife is screwing but don’t worry there won’t be any consequences

Episode 2

Neel's very bad no good day continues, also he is ALWAYS just...hanging round at home waitting for bad news at the door

First up it’s the police with a warrent to search the place because his wife’s been arrested for being a suspected paedophile...

Tiny little meltdown of throwing things around :’)

Then it’s his bloody neighbour again asking after Chris and Jenny, who are still awol. Neel gives a bravado display of the insecurities of middle aged masculinity.

I want to say that it’s astounding to think he might be the kind of husband who ever did, but it’s actually not unimaginable. Neel is bitter, but it almost feels like having a teenage boy in the house has made him weird about his masculinity in a way he wasn’t before. Or maybe it’s the suspicion that his wife is fucking a different teenage boy. Anyway.

I don’t know how many times I can say that this man just makes me really sad? He seemed so desperate to talk to his family earlier and clearly just. doesn’t know how to. Acting like it’s FINE that his son doesn’t talk to him about things and that’s what he’s expect because Men Don’t Talk About Things!!

He’s not worried about Chris, but he does agree to let Jenny’s dad have a look round Chris’s room because of a couple of alarming texts.

The next screenshots are mainly for the hands on hips and trouser hoik, but also, for all my complaints about this show, we know this guy, don’t we? Sharing uncomfortable details about expensive home renovation when you don’t really know anything about him or his family? And then it’s not just his family who wish he’d stop talking. It’s strangers too. oh Neel. You’ve forgotten how to interact with people. too long wfh.

Did Chris go out on the Vespa?

Train times, probably, but Neel is sceptical. Afterwards, Marc Warren says what bad vibes the place has. And if Marc Warren thinks you have bad vibes, well, yeowch.

Episode 3

Chris is still missing, but by now we know he’s very much dead, and the family trying to hide the body is hilariously bad at it.

Meanwhile, Sophie, the main cop and sort of girlfriend of Tom, tells Zoe they now believe she’s been set-up and they’re trying to find out who would want to paint her as a paedophile. Neel looks moody in the rattan sofa:

is this like when you have a rowdy pet and you have to banish them to the garden when visitors come round?

Even Neel and Zoe’s daughter is starting to miss her big brother now! Who will take her to the cinema?

(Look! Neel has work to do! Do we know what it is? No)

Idk man. Is it meant to be messaging about how some lax continental child-rearing style Neel and Zoe (she is French, after all) followed has led to this situation, where they seem unconcerned by their teenager’s absence and the problem is more ‘you need someone to take you to the cinema’ rather than ‘your brother isn’t just giving me the cold shoulder he’s actually ignoring his whole family’? He did offer still, but man, pretty sure his daughter hates him. Should probably have gone ahead with the divorce before her exams, babe, sticking around isn’t helping.

Later on, he hears Zoe leaving Chris voicemails and does seem to share her concern a little?

---

End of Part 1. I’m splitting this into two posts, just in case it gets unwieldy with the screenshots - Chris’ body is found next episode, so there’s a bit more of the Chahals.

[dragon-appreciator-fray]

Deluded Hearts Updates

I officially have a whole 22,000 words. This story is starting to shape up into something respectable that I feel comfortable talking about with strangers. This means casually mentioning everything that goes into it.

I am now super in my feels over the new Chapter 2 now being just as long as the version of Chapter 1 where Jill establishes herself as a DnD roleplayer. (My Pinned post)

I got to vent so many of my frustrations and insecurities over my own transness through Jill. She establishes herself as a character in all the natural ways one would expect as her description and personality becomes relevant to be worth commenting on. But all this pulls double duty of being a useful trans tutorial to getting you on board with Jill's concerns, if nothing else.

All that so I can have Grandmother walk into Jill's life, make all her very legitimate concerns feel like they should be brushed aside in favor of new and unhinged concerns divorced from reality. Because that's what you get from a political party that prefers to misrepresent facts and incite moral panics over... well: The reality of the world not conforming or being convenient for them.

Jill: "I don't know what I was expecting." Grandmother: "Anyway, I've kept an actual Devil in the basement of the family home for half the time you've been alive and slavery is good actually when it's leveraged against magical entities that are a threat to humanity." Jill: "Oh no. This is sooooooooooooo much worse."

Grandmother: "I'm not getting any younger. Now that you've grown up to be a fine young... heir. Make with the isekai. Go kill the Temptresses in all their forms. Chop chop or whatever."

I'm so sorry Jill. You live in the dumbest reality with me. But I am going to isekai you. Soon. I promise. You are getting the opportunity to engage with Monster Girls in a way that loves and respects their willingness to affirm their status as Monsters. I've already picked out what monster girl suits you most, and will let you engage with a monster girl world in a way that isn't gross or frankly deranged. (No mind control, non-con or bad end writing. Being a Magical Monster Girl is a conscious and willing series engagement in self discovery that requires constant affirmations to maintain and grow.) It is going to be something of a transition, but I'm looking forward writing a long, slow, and painful transition into becoming a monster for once.

[plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms]

Hide & Seek

Pairings: Werewolf!Steve Rogers x Reader (A Spin on Little Red Riding Hood)

Summary: America's golden boy becomes America's most wanted and he just found his perfect prey.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. DARK FIC. stalking, drugging, somnophilia, forced oral (f receiving), marking, running for your fucking life

Word Count: 2.4K+ (One Shot)

A/N: What? Grown ups need grown up fairy tales. 😈 Someone find me a wolf. Honestly I was shown this art by the very talented @murkycrush months and months ago by @autumnrose40 and I still cannot get it out of my head. I have a thing for the harness obviously.

Story Book Collection | Full Masterlist

Steve Rogers first caught your scent at an unassuming traveler’s stop in the middle of nowhere 8 months ago. It was your run of the mill stop for people just passing through, homey and not at all crowded that served good pie. A sleepy town with a tiny population that most people forget once it’s already in their rearview mirror. Steve had been extra careful to go unnoticed, growing out his beard and wearing his trucker cap low. He had been lifting cars at random and had been particular about not staying anywhere for too long. The rest of the time he ran. He much preferred it. Letting go into his full form and running at full speed in the thick shroud of the forests.

For the first time, Steve Rogers felt free.

It was big news when it came out. Every single headline for months read about the tragedy that happened. Captain America, an admired hero and a living legend, had volunteered to be a research test subject after it was found that his unique genetic makeup enhanced by the serum could potentially lead to a breakthrough to some of the world's most deadly diseases. It was admirable and very on brand for the Avenger, but something had gone terribly wrong. Somehow all the testing had resulted in enhancing him to unimaginable proportions, to uncontrollable heights. He was made into the perfect predator and along the way he began losing touch of his humanity.

America's golden boy had come unhinged.

It shook the nation. They say that anything enhanced had to come from something. Steve was a good man before, he still is, but all the loss that he's had to endure has jaded him. All the wars he's had to fight have hardened him. All the compromises he was forced to make had chipped away at the shiny idealism of that scrawny Brooklyn boy. He craved freedom. Freedom to make his own choices. Freedom to be selfish. Freedom to take back what was deprived of him.

So when you came into that small diner, smiling widely at the waitress as you ordered your food and gladly told her about your traveling plans, he knew he just had to have you. You were so beautiful, your face radiating joy despite the tiredness on your stiff shoulders. You pulled your red coat jacket tighter around you, pulling the hood lower to warm your face and shaking off the snow. 

Red looked good on you.

You would stay the night in the available rooms attached to the diner, he was sure of it. You looked much too tired to drive and it was getting dark, too dangerous for a woman to be traveling alone. There was something in your scent that told him that you belonged to him.

You were meant to be his.

You were passed out as soon as your head hit the pillow, your belly warm with food and the fatigue heavy on your eyelids. Your friends and family had all expressed their doubts and their worry about your cross-country adventure. It was dangerous for a woman to travel alone and there was an allegedly deranged super soldier loose, but it was the best time you've ever had in your life. It was so worth it.

Steve watched and waited in the shadows for you to fall deeper into your slumber, finding the small satisfied smile on your lips to be endearing. It was a simple matter after that to slip into your room. He loomed over you, palming his rapidly swelling cock as he took in the details of your features. You slept in only a small pair of panties, leaving everything open to his heated gaze. You were like a delectable meal spread out for him to indulge in.

You were so goddamn perfect.

You looked so inviting that he just had to have a taste. Carefully, he reached for your exposed breasts and squeezed. He sighed at how good you felt and your lack of reaction only made him grow bolder. You were more exhausted than you thought. He kneaded your breasts harder, rolling your hardened nipples between his fingers and relishing how responsive you were. He retracted his hand as you stirred, but groaned deep in his chest as you opened your legs wide for him.

"You need me, don't you? You want me to touch you some more, honey?"

His hand trailed from your nipples to down to cup your heat. Your back arched and your hips circled slowly as his hand rubbed, your panties growing increasingly damp. Still you remained sleeping and from your point of view you were having a very very good dream.

“You're just so tired, aren’t you? Let me help you take the edge off.”

His fingers shoved your ruined panties aside and dove in, slowly and inch by inch to make sure you didn't wake up. By the time he was knuckle deep in your pussy and scissoring you, his cock felt like it would explode in his pants.

“You’re so fucking tight. You’re gonna feel so good around my cock.”

You sighed and stirred a bit more, the little sounds you were making as your hips asked for more from him was making his head spin. He could smell the musky scent of your arousal and he loved how your pussy was sucking his fingers back with each pump he did.

“Don’t worry, honey. I’m gonna give my cock to you. It’ll fit. We just gotta stretch you out first.”

A sharp gasp escaped your lips and your brows furrowed when he pressed up on that extra sensitive spot inside you. He smirked, hastening his movements and continuing to drive you higher and higher. His other hand joined the other to rub hard circles on your clit and his mouth came down to suck on your tits. Your heavy eyelids began to flutter, your unconscious mind getting overwhelmed by the fire that was threatening to consume you.

“That’s right. Give it to me. Fucking cum for me,” he growled against your flesh.

You screamed, your eyes squeezed close tightly and your body shaking as your release racked your whole body. Steve could hardly move his fingers with the way you were squeezing them so he fucked them deeper inside you as you rode out your high. You sat upright suddenly, one hand flying to your hair and the other to your chest as you tried to stabilize yourself. Your heart was pounding out of your chest, your pulse was much too quick, and there was a thin sheen of sweat on your forehead.

“What the fuck?”

You felt an ache between your legs and was more than just surprised at how drenched your panties and the sheets were. You threw yourself back on the bed and took in big gulping breaths. That was one hell of a wet dream. It had been a while since you’ve had a good fuck, but you didn’t think you were that horny.

It took you a while to fall back asleep and in your disoriented state you failed to notice the dangerous looking blonde in the corner of the room, sniffing the scent you left on his fingers before slipping the taste into his mouth. His eyes glinted in the shadows as he watched your chest rise and fall in a more regular pattern.

That was the first time Steve came to you. He followed you across the country in your travels since then and the next time he got you alone he dove straight for your cunt, his mouth lapping at your folds ravenously. Having tasted you just that little bit from his fingers made him crave you and the small dose of drugs he slipped into your drinking water at the hotel as you showered was meant to keep you cooperative because he knew he wasn’t going to let up until your scent was dripping off his beard. He barely held himself back as he waited for you to succumb to the drugs, falling asleep as you watched some pointless TV.   

He moaned and growled into your pussy as his tongue speared into you, fully enthusiastic as he explored your most intimate parts. His large hands were gripping tightly onto your thighs, keeping you spread wide for him. He didn’t stop aggressively eating you out until your cum had soaked his face and was dripping down his chin. All through it, you were in a blissful state of unconsciousness.

When you woke the next morning, that was when you felt that something was off. Something felt very wrong from how your sheets were again wet, your naked state when you specifically remembered you wore a shirt and panties to bed, and the thick woodsy smell of someone else in the room.

You were terrified.

Your terror came to it’s height when once you woke up with a blinding headache and a sticky substance on your tits. That’s when everything clicked and you began to notice the little things you had overlooked in the past few weeks. Your luggage moving, your underwear sometimes out in the open. The creepy feeling at the back of your neck that you’re being watched. Some of your needs unexpectedly being met like those times someone had footed the bill for some of your meals or the time a small bag of groceries were delivered to you by the inn’s staff. You chalked it all up to luck or the goodwill of small town folk.

You should have known better. 

It had been a week since you last really slept, the fear you felt keeping you alert and jolting you awake at any little sound. You were exhausted, but you kept yourself tediously careful in trying to lose whoever was visiting you in your sleep. You kept switching up lanes, driving in circles, riding on ferries, switching out rental cars. You did everything you could to shake him off.

You were practically dead on your feet by the time you arrived at your grandmother’s log cabin in the woods. It was the end of your travel plans, culminating at your grandmother’s old cottage that she had left to you in her will. You pushed yourself to make sure every single door and window was bolted shut and couldn’t be opened without making a loud noise before you finally allowed yourself to rest. Your body dropped heavily onto the bed, your sore muscles finally relaxing after being so tense for so long. Sleep weighed you down and you were quick to slip into unconsciousness.

You startled awake at the sound of loud banging against the heavy wooden front door. Your heart rate immediately quickened and you scooted back on the bed, tucking yourself against the wall and keeping a wary eye at the door. Your blood ran cold at the sound of a low intimidating voice that seemed to be full of dark amusement.

“Oh come on, honey. Open the door.”

That voice.

You knew that voice. You knew it was the voice that had been haunting your explicit dreams, whispering dirty words as you lay unconscious and orgasm after orgasm was pulled from you, but more than that you knew that you’ve heard it somewhere else before. Hearing it again now seemed to spark your memory, but perhaps the fear was hindering you from placing it exactly.

“Open the door. I won’t ask again.”

Steve heard you whimper from the other side of the door. He smirked as he smelled your scent and at the memory of you trying to lose him. It was a valiant attempt and he did rather enjoy letting you think that you actually had a chance. You didn’t. There was no possible way for him to lose you when your very scent was now ingrained in his mind. This destination of yours even worked perfectly for him. Isolated. Surrounded by a thick forest. Miles away from the nearest town. No one would bother you two.

Though he’s been visiting you in your sleep and tasting you to his fill, he has held himself back from fully claiming you. He wanted you conscious for the first time he fucked his cock into you. He wanted you awake when he made you cum hard around him, screaming his name and gushing around his thighs. He wanted you fully aware when he finally claimed you, marking you and binding you to him for all eternity.

It was time.

He rammed his shoulder against the door and it shook on its hinges. You shrieked from the other side, murmuring pleas under your breath for him to leave you alone. He wouldn’t. That’s not how this works. He found his perfect mate and he wasn’t about to let you go. He rammed the door again, putting more of his weight into it. You could hear the wood splinter at the force and tears began to edge your eyes.

“I won’t hurt you, honey. Haven’t I been taking good care of you?”

You screamed as the door flew off its hinges, the cold air of the night blowing in and only worsening your shivering form. You were paralyzed, frozen on the spot as you watched with wide eyes the alpha male posed at your door. His arms were stretched up over his head, the muscles flexing as he gripped onto the doorframe. 

His body was bare, showing off just how strong this predator was and that you didn’t stand a chance. His cock was fully erect, angry and leaking at the tip, and just as intimidating as the rest of him. Another scream was caught in your throat as he drew nearer to you because at that point you were able to recognize him.

Even with the longer messy hair, untamed beard, glowing golden eyes, and elongated canines you still recognized him without a shadow of a doubt. His face was unmistakable and the recent news only made him more so. If that wasn’t enough then the dog tags, the harness around his torso, and the indisputable glint of metal on his back completely gave him away.

Captain Steve Rogers.

The disgraced Captain Steve Rogers.

The hunted down and most wanted Captain Steve Rogers.

He stood before you, smirked, swiped a sharp claw and ripped your clothes down the middle. His eyes darkened in lust at the sight of you bare, that red coat jacket with the hood barely keeping on you. He looked feral. He looked like a hungry animal and by the way he was licking his lips it looked like you were on the menu.

“Hey, Red. Missed me, honey?”

[oneoftheprettynerds]

Fixed: Dark!Steve x Reader (Mob AU)

Chapter 4 in the Lipstick and Crayons Series.

Chapter 3: Love So Soft

Main Masterlist

A/N: It’s shorter than my usual updates but I’m busy so sorry for the delay. My final exam dates have come and all I can do is pray right now lol. Please pray for me if you can, this sis is out here writing fanfics for yall instead of studying so, haha. ANyways, enjoy babies! Shit happens in this chapter.

Warning: Non-Con, Sickening Threats, Mob Themes, Violence, Death, Manipulation, a mild mental breakdown, Cheap Tricks.

Genres + Characters: Mob AU, Single Parents AU, Steve Rogers x Reader.

Summary: Steve can’t ever repay you for what you did. After meeting you, Steve believes his broken family is the missing piece in the puzzle of your own wrecked one. Indebting the crime lord to you has been the biggest mistake of your life, cause now you can’t get rid of him, no matter what. Loyalty and favours go a long way in the mob.

Word count: 5K

Chapter 4: Fixed

You didn’t sleep that night. Or the next few. Your hands shook every time you got a flashback and even though you were numb to emotions that entire day, tears threatened to spill whenever your mind took to you to that overpriced kitchen again.

Now that he had gone to a dangerous and unnerved assaulter from a Dad trying to take care of his daughter, your mind wouldn’t put anything past him. You knew that in the back of your mind that he was a mobster and your ‘friendship’ was alarming to say the least, but now there was no denying his resources and power and the very obvious threat to your life lingering in the air.

At least before you had the luxury to be oblivious and ignorant, not anymore though. Steve felt even more unhinged and liberal now, even messaging you daily, greeting texts that you obviously ignored. He knew you both were aware that you never handed him your number and he felt no need to hide his pursuit.

You read most of the messages, not bothering with a single reply though. You tried to block him but somehow your phone would still receive messages from his number, even though his contact would always peek back at you from the otherwise empty blacklist.

As if his torment wasn’t ample, another message thread from a different number would forward you alarming images, photos of Grace in her daycare, on a class trip to the park and even her playing in your backyard. You had no doubt that this was another game of his to show you his resources.

You skipped daycare for a few days, your mental health worse than it was after the carnival attack, because now you had a personal tormentor and you cursed yourself for falling into this mess. At times, you believed it wasn’t your fault really, you just helped a kid and this situation spiraled itself but what would pointing fingers now get you? The harsh truth was you were in a calamitous situation now and every step from now on had to be thought out.

So, you let Grace attend her daycare and acted if nothing was amiss or altered, after the few initial breakdown days of course, kept going to your job and earning the bread. You considered your options, you really wanted to go to the cops or a higher fair power but those were few these days, almost non existent in your city. You also vaguely recalled meeting three of the Captains of the PD at Sarah’s birthday, all smiley and doe eyed for Steve. You knew they wouldn’t help, fucking kiss-asses.

Maybe you would have to move somewhere else, perhaps to your hometown, at least till things cooled down or better yet were forgotten? But that trail was very predictable and you didn’t want your parents in this mess.  

You also came to know that Steve had inserted himself in the other spheres of your life. You were sure your location was always being sent to him, the knowledge a courtesy of the black car following you while you travelled to home at some late day’s end.

Aiden told you whereabouts were easy to track, when you inquired ambiguously. Another instance was when you went to the bank to deposit cash for your debit card, you came face to face with an enormous amount already there. Somehow, the limit on your credit card was also extended. How, you knew. The clerk told you about an email you must have gotten in regards to it, you dismissed that justification away and told them to not accept the cash. To sum the discussion, they weren’t helpful and had no policy against anonymous donors.

Aiden, your trusted coworker cum pal, sensed the shift in your aura and fidgety form very easily, pestering you with questions and you decided to turn to him, stressed and tired and ready to do something. His questioning eyebrows made you confess vaguely but you refused to tell him the extent of it. Just that his prediction came true and you needed help. Let’s just say, Aiden was a good man.

With time, Steve’s ‘affectionate’ messages became deranged, and you found it harder to act nonchalant in your daily life. You were thankful he didn’t come to visit you, possibly occupied with the rumored war between the mobs. You just prayed for a few more days of ignorance, just enough time to think and do something.

“What do you mean someone collected her?!” You had a hard time controlling your voice, you were about to burst, in tears or with anger, you didn’t know.

“The man was verified in the emergency contacts and we got a letter signed and approved by you to skip the day an hour into the first activity.”

“A man? Emergen-, wait no! What fucking approved letter?”

You had three emergency contacts, your mom in another state, Aiden, and one of the other kid’s mom you had grown close to. Aiden was with you at work all day, so did someone disguise themselves as him? And what was the deal with the letter signed by you? You surely didn’t remember writing and authorizing one.

The boy, Pietro, who had been the receptionist for as long as you could remember, shuffled through the chaotic piles of paper and presented a letter to you, and your blood froze as your eyes skimmed the font.

Your beautiful cursive stared right back at you and you knew that no one would ever be able to distinguish between this penmanship and the one in the pocketbook in your clutch. No one but you. Even though you knew you had not written it, the slightly different ‘f’ and ‘g’ told you everything.

Your signature at the bottom though, was done quite perfectly and that made you even more scared.

“I did-, I didn’t write this! What the-” Your widened eyes met Pietro’s from above the paper but all he offered you was a meek smile. Your hands shook with rage and for the first time in your life, you had the urge to slap someone really bad.

“Maybe your family had an emergency to take he-”

“No, you don’t get it!” You stopped yourself from getting frantic, willing yourself to take deep breaths and think rationally. Today of all days, things had to mess up.

He didn’t know you had no family in this city, that you had a mobster after you or the subtle threats that his hired spy sent to you.

Was going to the police an option? Aiden already told you that the cops were as good as Steve’s men. But this was about your missing kid! You’d never forgive yourself if something happened to her. And you were giving Steve way too much credit, what if he wasn’t behind this all? Come to think of it, what if the other number wasn’t his?

Relax yourself! Thinking of disturbing theories wouldn’t help anyone. You thought you should go to the cops, just in case. No mentioning of Steve, just a woman with a ‘missing child’ report.

‘Missing Child’ left an acrid taste behind and you were too close to a breakdown, but your whole journey of single-parenthood taught you to kick vulnerability aside, well most of the times.

You turned and were about to leave, but Pietro stopped you. “If you are going to the cops Ma’am, they require 8 hours of inactivity or disappearance time for kids under 5.”

Well look who just read your mind.

You huffed and kept the tears at bay, your mind thinking of what to do then? Grace was obviously taken-

“How could you let a toddler leave without informing the parents?” You knew your anger was channeling out at the wrong man but didn’t he all but hand Grace to the stranger?

You beat him answering and inquired, “What did the man look like? Do you have any footage? Anything?” The wrinkles in your forehead and stress creases on your face paired with the eyebags betrayed your age surely. You were sure you had aged more this week than an entire decade, juggling your normal life with the hovering threat.

“You shouldn’t be this worried Ma’am.”

The fucking audacity.

“Your daughter recognized him, she all but ran to him and this other little girl he came with. You should maybe ask your parent-friends around? A blonde family perhaps?”

As all the emotions drained from your face and terror took over, the young lad in front of you looked smug. You wondered as if you imagined the faintest of smirks on his face.

You crumpled the letter in your hands, seething with rage as you stepped in your car. Oh, you were mad, more wrathful than ever. You could take any hits on you, any threat but not on Grace, never on her.

You were stupid, you had already decided you wouldn’t put anything past him but unknowingly, you did put this past him. You thought this man had a shred of decency to not use your kid in this adult war, being a parent himself and all but what a surprise! You were wrong.

You drove to your home, your thoughts a mix of trepidation, anxiety and fury. You were scared of him and his reach and resources but if he put Grace in any type of danger; whether to teach you a lesson or use her as bait or both, there’d be consequences.

Lord knows you killed a man a month ago Grace was threatened.

You had one thing to do before contacting Steve about Grace but you never got to do it because unexpectedly the bastard was in your home. In your home.

The black sports car outside was a huge giveaway but your suspicions were confirmed when you opened the door with your house key. The banter and giggles from inside alarmed yet calmed you; the dread of confrontation and the assurance of Grace’s safety reigned your mind.

As the door opened painfully slow like a horror movie, the sight that met your eyes made you sick with a feeling of failure. It wasn’t gore or blood or grunge, it was Steve bouncing Grace in the air and catching her while Sarah twirled around in the living room.  

This man was craftier than you thought, every action of his was calculated, each a refined step. You had been so preoccupied to avoid direct encounters with him in your little family’s life that you didn’t think he had other ways. He was always looming around with Sarah and as Grace began to trust Sarah, she consequently began to trust her blonde guardian too.

As you slammed the door behind you, Steve’s eyes snapped to yours and his smirk made you want to punch him so hard. The smugness on his face while he let Grace down without breaking eye contact told you he had no regret, no remorse. In fact, he was loving every second of this cat and mouse chase between you two.

You were a millimeter close to losing your shit, the only check being the kids in the room. But you were mad and he was going to know it.

“What the hell, Steve? Messing with my kid?” You threw your clutch onto the couch, Steve haughty by the reception of his sent message but still holding back because of the kids. He called Wanda and you didn’t really notice where she came from but you did register Steve asking to take the girls to the park for a ‘private discussion’.

As Grace passed by you, you grabbed her arm lightly, making her look at you with doe eyes resembling yours. You gave her a smile trying to ease her, but you knew she was smart enough to sense the change in the atmosphere.

Apparently, the whining Sarah wasn’t.

You looked back to Steve, your hold still on Grace and continued with a frown and raised eyebrows, “She isn’t going anywhere, not out of my sight and obviously not with you or your goons.”

Wanda had the audacity to look offended and you scoffed at her, eyes staring Steve’s down.

“Honey, I don’t think the kids should hear what I think you have to say right now.” He said nodding to Wanda to take Grace.

“You must be deranged to think I trust Grace near anyone even remotely related to you! Take your people and get out.” You held your hand up to stop Wanda and pointed towards the door with the most menacing glare you could form.

Grace looked incomprehensibly between you two, concern and confusion on her face. That might have been the first time such a tone was used in your household. The grumbling Sarah was close to throwing a tantrum, irritated by the change in the playful air or the lack of attention to her, you didn’t know. She was hanging on Wanda’s forearm, her feet slipping on your printed rug. Wanda was trying to not look hurt still by your previous statement, distracting herself by the blonde kid and you were baffled by her obliviousness to all this.

Steve, the beefy blonde Lucifer, was furious and seething. His white knuckles and ticking jaw were the most obvious giveaways, the fingers just itching to beat the shit out of someone no doubt.

Was he imagining striking you into compliance into his weird playhouse game complex? You wouldn’t be surprised given the extent of his attempt to ‘win’ you over.

The ‘get out’ tone and blatant disrespect was a bruise to his ego for sure, and by you, a middle-class woman nonetheless was a worse injury. Steve was the deadly boss to armored men in the vicinity, the kids’ father figure, according to him, and Wanda’s stern yet kind employer.

People had been killed for less and there you were, standing in all your glory, being the only person alive to reject Steve Rogers and now, the only to raise your voice at him.

You almost scoffed at his impudence to look offended, what did he expect? For you to submit to him after the stunt he pulled? His reach was scary he proved today and that any future with him in your life in any way, was a fearsome possibility to entertain but you’d be damned if you went down without a fight.  

“You can’t make me leave; we both know. You don’t have the physical edge nor the mental one. I have no problem drawing out G-U-N-S in front of the kids or to throw the warnings around, although I would prefer not to.”

Your free hand itched to slap him, like how his did minutes ago. It wasn’t a mankind problem about men thinking they were entitled to everything; it was a Steve Rogers’s problem. Of course, with him consent didn’t matter. If he had a ‘housewife, kids and fences’ fixation, he’d make it come true.

“Do you even listen to what I say? Or your own words even? Please, go ahead! Traumatise my kid and also yours in your wooing process! Why are you so obsessed? Leave us alone, you freak! I just ignored few messages!” You had a hard time maintaining your cool, if there was any left. You were sure you were scaring Grace and no matter what happened next, you knew she was already traumatized by this entire ordeal already. You were so sorry, so, so, so sorry to your poor baby caught in this mess.

You knew, no, you hoped, he wouldn’t pull out the gun, his actions at the carnival a proof, you remembered how he hid his gun on finding Sarah. That threat was empty but the next one wasn’t, his words making you freeze in your spot.

“I think you keep on misunderstanding me, sweetheart. I don’t make empty promises,”

Posh word for threats.

“For starters, maybe I should pay my future in-laws a visit in their blue duplex. They might need help with the vast garden they have, it is the season for ‘violets’, isn’t it?”

As you froze with your parents being brought up, he also cooled, albeit differently, smirking once again gaining the upper hand, not that he lost it if you were being honest.

“Isn’t threatening my kid enough for you, Steve?” You hated how your loud voice almost broke, your anger slowly subsiding into helplessness and you hated that. You hated his guts, his entitlement, his claim; everything about him.

“You still don’t see it, do you? Our family of four is the most important thing to me right now and I’m not above doing anything to save it.”

“There is no family of four Steve! I keep explaining and you keep coming back to square one with all this bullshit!” The curse word did tick Steve off but he would correct that later, when bigger things weren’t at ploy.

“Your ignorance makes me a little mad sometimes sweetheart and that is why I have to do all I do. You haven’t realized we need each other yet, but I’m staying until you do and even after that, I promise. You know how much it pissed me off to see your tickets and the packed suitcases after I’ve been nothing but nice? I was so generous to spoil you with my riches but instead I find that in your finances.”

This fucker knew. Of course, he did!

You were wondering in the back of your head what had prompted this visit with so many threats and warnings and anguish. He was pissed even before you ‘acted out’, he tracked the tickets and the plan and that meant he even tracked-

“You have so much to learn, but luckily you interact with quite a few people. I am most tempted to start out with this Aiden guy, trying to be the hero and giving you all the ideas. Maybe I should visit him?” Steve wondered out loud, and you flinched at his suggestion, hating how you were trapped by this man.

You couldn’t live with yourself if anyone got hurt because of you, be it your parents or Aiden or any other possibility Steve would come up with. Of course, Grace was your peak priority but you doubted he would hurt her as he threatened to harm them.

“Steve, please.” The fire was almost out, your hands trembling, Grace worried and Steve smug.

“Let the kids go and I think we can come to a conclusion.”

“Steve this needs to stop.” You said, your breaths heavy and helplessness clawing away at you.

“I won’t repeat myself.” He voiced out with a threatening edge, gesturing to Grace and Wanda, clearly telling you to first get the kids out.

For a deranged fucktard, he sure cared about the kids a lot.

You loosened your hold on Grace, patting her arm softly and nudged her to Wanda. Wanda received her little hand and enticed the kids with the promise of ice-cream. Sarah clapped her hands and as the trio left, Grace did look over her shoulders at you in concern and for permission, majorly in concern though. You nodded and waved, a tear dropping as soon as the door clicked shut.

You were still staring at the door, not wanting to meet Steve’s stormy blue orbs when he began, “Today was a slip up that I won’t tolerate again. Neither the cursing nor the dramatics.”

We aren’t in a fucking play, what the fuck is he labelling as dramatics?

Your eyes slowly flickered to his, and you had a hard time not letting the tears escape except the one traitorous one earlier. The fatigue, the worry of Grace’s disappearance, the threats to your friends and family were all catching up to you. It took all in you to stay strong and not fall down right now.

“Steve this isn’t funny anymore. It’s sick and you know it! I just said no! Was that so inexcusable that you had to follow up with this? You have violated me for that, broken into my home and now kidnapped my daughter! At what extent will you stop?” You broke down finally, arms a flailing mess as fat tears rolled down. Nothing scared more than the helplessness this moment. He won and he knew it. The carnival incident was nothing in comparison to this. The only good thing you could hope in all this was a safe Grace but that too only if you complied, which seemed like what you would do now given your attempts at fighting back and scampering have failed laughably.

“Gosh, I forgot how theatrical women are. You are smart darling; you know what I want from day one, just a happy family. Nothing that horrendous has happened and especially not as badly as put it. I’m just looking out for you and me in the long run.” Steve slowly treaded towards you, his hand extended to pat your arm comfortingly but you involuntarily flinched at contact and stepped back. Steve clearly didn’t like that as he caught your arm in a bruising grip and jerked you towards him. Manhandling you as your wet hands rushed to ease his grip was not a tough task for Steve, a surprise to none.

“Stop trembling like I’ve actually done something to harm you!”

Steve clearly didn’t know how to comfort women and it showed.

You stopped with the cowering away, even though it disgusted you to be this much in close proximity with your assaulter. He clearly had anger issues and no clue how to solve them. You needed to steer the conversation right and get him out. You could see your hands visibly shake as you put them on his chest, just to create some distance and in a way of surrendering to not fight. The tears slowed but you don’t think they stopped; it was hard to tell with a million other things on your mind.

As your eyes made contact, Steve loosened his grip, clearly a bit satisfied by your submission, as he began counting to help you breathe. As much as you hated to admit, it helped you and you got a flashback to the time when you freaked out on him about Grace at that extravagant dinner date. That was a sweet gesture then, not so sweet now. Funny how drastically things change with time.

It wasn’t so much Steve’s help as it was your own mind telling you to be fucking smart about the whole ordeal right now.

“Good. Better. Now let’s talk. Why were you planning to run away? I’ve been busy and coming home to find out that wasn’t joyful, you know.” His smile suggested a better mood than before but his voice, his husky voice always had this daring edge that almost challenged you to defy him but at the same time warned you of unpleasant consequences if you did.

“Steve, I’m scared.” You spoke with utmost honesty. “The part of the world you associate yourself with scares me. You can’t blame me for not wanting that life for Grace, I mean you have a kid of your own. Wasn’t the carnival attack specifically on Sarah?”

The reasoning was right but you knew you triggered him the moment his smile evaporated. He either felt insulted as a parent or disrespected in his profession or probably both.

He was fighting his inner demons already and you pointing it out was a slap to his face, a hit he didn’t want to take.

“That was a slip up, I admit. Never again. I’m only human, okay?” He convinced himself and you, his grip tightening a bit again.

Oh no, not the right direction to take.

You reckoned he still had nightmares about it like you, he really did love Sarah a lot, all things aside.

“Besides, I am looking out for you! Out for you and Grace and Sarah. I remember my promise of never putting either of them in harm’s way ever again.”

You definitely didn’t trust his security or his people because what sort of a mobster let his daughter get targeted and possibly abducted? You definitely didn’t know the whole story or if it was just a bad day but he wasn’t a person that deserved some slack. Despite all this, you knew what all he held above you, above a common man. He might not be ‘Kingpin’ skilled but a threat to you nonetheless.

Before you could stop yourself, you blurted out, “Is that what you call following me around, huh?” which you immediately regretted.

“Trust the process, baby. Everything is just to protect you.”

Is that what he called stalking even Grace around and twistedly enough, sending you proof of that? The anonymous thread of photos was another nightmare of yours, thanks to him. The last being a candid photo inside Grace’s room, her sleeping in her bed this morning and that’s when you decided you needed to get out. Of course, that didn’t go as planned.

“How am I supposed to do that when you have cameras in my house?!” You scoffed and he reeled back at the accusation, having the nerve to look impressed at being uncovered and caught red-handed.

“Oh my fucking God, it was you! You sick pervert!” You jumped out of his grip, your eyes wide and horrified. “I wasn’t aware of what to make of it but of course, it was you! Who else would be sick enough to do that?” You let out a humorless chuckle. You always put things past him even when you keep telling yourself you shouldn’t. When will you ever learn huh?  

You were full on panicking yet again, this man was an assaulter, a stalker and a creep too. It would have made a good dark, psychological thriller for you to watch if you weren’t the protagonist about to suffer his obsession.

He reached out to steady you again, but you whipped and stumbled back, realizing too late that you elbowed Steve’s nose so bad that there was a crunch. That, right there, was the look a man real-fucking-furious on Steve’s face and now you could see the feared mobster, the man who was personally terrorizing you under the beautiful, Greek God façade.

Steve reacted so fast even with an injury that in a split second, your view of his face turned into a view of his crotch.

“You do realize that there are others ways for me to teach you obedience? I think it’s fucking time you show me your gratitude for my care and attention and apologize for your misconduct and unkind response.” Steve spoke with a hoarse voice, a voice running out of patience and just about done with defiance.

His hand fisted your hair, maintaining eye contact while he nodded between you and his crotch. You knew what he wanted, what he was expecting as ‘thanks’.

“Steve, please no, you don’t-”

His other hand grabbed your jaw, stopping you from speaking as he warned, “I think you have done just enough talking for today, so why don’t you put that tongue to a better use and show me how sorry you are. Better make it convincing because I’d hate to pay one of your friends a visit and then bitch about a nasty blowjob.” He smirked at the end of his monologue, eyes shining with triumph and amusement.

You wouldn’t let him harm anyone else, you couldn’t. You and your daughter were already knee-deep in a pit and at this point, it’d just be cruel to drag someone else in. With shaky hands opening his pants, you just hoped you could get Grace out before you eventually were buried in it.

“Now that’s a good girl. Submissive is a sexy look on you.” His hands patted your hair, playing with your tresses while yours pulled his pants and then briefs down.

His member jerked out, almost slapping you in the face as you recoiled at his insolence to get hard and erect at your torment. Your disdain must have shown which he took as admiration and derision to take his affluent cock in.

“No need to get shy, I have faith you’ll be able take it just as well in your pretty pussy as you will right now. Open up-”

“Steve, I beg you-”

Just as you had cut him off, he interrupted your pleading. Your gag reflex was probably the most efficient in the world but that turned this narcissist on. It had been years since you had done it, never with a man as beefy as Steve.

His taste was salty and if you had to put it into better words, it was the like overpriced sea salt flakes that you never bought. High and pricey and for the entitled.

Your hands clutched at his thighs as you blacked out multiple times; your jaw aching, uvula swaying and tears escaping. Him forcing himself on you brough a new sense of vulnerability as your body trembled. Steve relished like a sadist, practically rutting into you all by himself as you just sat there with your jaw unnaturally open.

His obscene moans and groans were crass and nauseating and you just prayed for this to be over soon and for no one to walk in on this, especially your kid.

It seemed like it would never end, your body dehydrating with all the spit it produced, the drool dribbling and landing just beside your knees on your printed rug. You would have to throw that out.

The tears stooped after some point, the sobbing an unnecessary action that just tired you out more on this eventful day. You moved your tongue around to prevent your teeth from scratching him when he shifted angles. If this was what he did on slightly mad, you didn’t want to find what he did for a more serious punishment.

Apparently, that action was something that turned him on even more, his breath hitching as neared closure. In broken whispers he demanded that again and you complied, wanting to get done with it.

He growled in the moment of his release and you tried to lean back but his grip didn’t relent. “Swallow.” His grainy, exasperated voice said out loud and you knew better than to defy.

He released you and you fell on to the rug, hip bruising by knocking into some furniture and tears coming back again after being hydrated by his seed. He packed himself, his smile smug and content as his expressions truly resembled ecstasy being personified.

“You be a good fiancée from now on and maybe you’ll have all your friends alive and present at our wedding. No cheeky business from now on, got it?” Steve hummed then and strutted out, not even bothering to listen to your reply.

As soon as the door slammed, your eyes closed and your demons danced again.

There was no right direction to take when you were stuck in a loop.  

[joeygoeshollywood]

My 25 Favorite Films of 2020

Well, this was quite the crazy year, especially for movies. While many films that were slated to be released this year were postponed due to the coronavirus pandemic, this year still provided some laughs, tears, and thrills both in theaters and in the living room. 

(NOTE: Due to the delayed awards season calendar and postponed Oscar bait films that are unavailable to be seen before the end of 2020, this list will eventually be updated after having seen the following films: The Father, Minari, News of the World, Nomadland, One Night in Miami, Pieces of a Woman, Promising Young Woman)

Here are my 25 favorite films of the year:

25. Kajillionaire 

Quirky filmmaker Miranda July is back with her first feature in nearly a decade. Kajillionaire is a bizarre but captivating tale about a family of criminal grifters and how the daughter reevaluates her strained relationship with her parents after an outsider is welcomed into the fold. Evan Rachel Wood takes what could have easily been dismissed as a goofy caricature in Old Dolio (yes, that’s her name) and turns into a heartfelt portrayal of a woman whose lifestyle of freeloading dictated by her parents (played by Debra Winger and Richard Jenkins) becomes her own crisis. In many ways, Kajillionaire feels like a fantasy that keeps people asking, “What on earth is going on?” And this time, it’s for the best. 

24. Freaky

Revamping decades-old plots like the body-swapping antics from Freaky Friday can either result in a predictable failure or a surprising success. Thankfully, Freaky falls into the latter category. In this horror comedy, a deranged serial killer (played by Vince Vaughn) swaps bodies with his victim, a timid teen girl (played by Kathryn Newton). What makes the film work though are the dedicated lead performances, particularly by Vaughn, who is pretty convincing as young girl trapped in a grown man’s body. With a few good laughs and decent thrills, Freaky is worth the watch. 

23. The Outpost

The Outpost is an intense film about the real-life story of small group of US troops isolated by surrounding mountains in Afghanistan, under the constant threat of the Taliban, which ultimately comes to a head in the Battle of Kamdesh. The film captures the harrowing experiences of these soldiers with heart-pounding action sequences, which are fueled by a solid cast including Scott Eastwood, Caleb Landry Jones, and Orlando Bloom. 

22. Uncle Frank

Paul Bettany may be best known for playing The Vision in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but he should be celebrated as his title character in Uncle Frank, a touching dramedy set in 1973 about an NYU professor who returns home to his estranged family for his father’s funeral while his niece, played by rising star Sophia Lillis, idolizes him for teaching her to be her authentic self while he keeps his sexuality a secret. Bettany brilliantly balances the coolness of his stature with the internal agony that ultimately hits a boiling point, which is counterbalanced by Peter Macdissi’s fun performance as Frank’s happy-go-lucky lover who accompanies him back home despite his wishes. 

21. Hillbilly Elegy

Hillbilly Elegy was panned by critics over politics that had absolutely no role the film. Based on the best-selling memoir by J.D. Vance, the newest feature from Ron Howard shows the journey of a boy who despite all odds growing up in a poor family that constantly struggled with abuse and addition managed to get into Yale Law School and achieve the American dream. While both Gabriel Basso and Owen Asztalos hold the film together as the younger and older Vance in the present and flashback scenes, Amy Adams as the impulsive, irresponsible mother and an unrecognizable Glenn Close as the no-nonsense inspiring grandmother that turn Hillbilly Elegy into an acting tour de force. 

20. The Trial of the Chicago 7

Oscar-winning screenwriter Aaron Sorkin sits in the director’s chair once again in this courtroom drama about the real-life protesters who showed up in Chicago during the 1968 Democratic National Convention. With themes that resonate today, The Trial of the Chicago 7 benefits from its sharp screenplay, well-paced editing, and an outstanding ensemble cast that includes Eddie Redmayne, Mark Rylance, Yahoo Abdul-Mateen II, Sacha Baron Cohen, Jeremy Strong, Frank Langella, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Michael Keaton. 

19. Yellow Rose

Broadway actress Eva Noblezada makes her film debut as an aspiring country singer on the run after her mother, an illegal immigrant, is obtained for deportation. Yellow Rose presents a nuanced depiction of US immigration, but at the heart of it is a heartbreaking story of a young woman who struggles between putting her family or her dreams first. Between Noblezada’s powerful performance and solid original music, Yellow Rose hits all the right chords. 

18. Palm Springs

Move over, Groundhog Day. While the Bill Murray classic has largely monopolized the time loop film genre, Palm Springs gives it a run for its money. Andy Sandberg and Cristin Milioti star as the unlikely duo who are stranded reliving the same dreaded wedding day involving mutual acquaintances and their desperate efforts to escape the seemingly inescapable. The Hulu comedy stands on its own two feet for the good laughs, the chemistry between the two leads, and the film’s emotionally-grounded plot.  

17. Let Him Go

Kevin Costner and Diane Lane reunite on the big screen after playing farmer parents in Man of Steel to rancher grandparents in Let Him Go, although this time they are able to display their full acting chops. In this period dramatic thriller, they set out to find their only grandchild following the death of their son only to discover that the widowed daughter-in-law remarried into an infamous crime family. While both Costner and Lane tug at the heartstrings, it’s Lesley Manville, who plays the ruthless matriarch of the family, that really takes command of the screen. Ultimately, Let Him Go is all about family and the lengths one is willing to go to protect it. 

16. Unhinged

In a year plagued by the pandemic, Unhinged led the way to the revival of movie theaters back in August and perhaps in some ways it was meant to be the film to do so as the themes of a rage-fueled society and the lack of human connection carry weight. Russell Crowe stars, as the title suggests, as an unhinged psychopath whose road rage torments a woman and her adolescent son. Unhinged is the epitome of pure entertainment and is why we go to the movies. While it’s not quite the most sophisticated thriller of the year, it’s still one helluva ride. 

15. Emma

Anya Taylor-Joy has had quite the year with both highs (The Queen’s Gambit) and lows (The New Mutants). But it began before the pandemic with the release of Emma, which she stars as the iconic Jane Austen title character, a socialite who meddles in the love life of others while refusing to acknowledge her own shortcomings in that department. Supported with a strong ensemble cast, beautiful production design, and comedic charm, Emma is not to be missed. 

14. The Invisible Man

ln the era of remakes and reboots, very few are as good as Universal’s latest monster flick revival of The Invisible Man. Elisabeth Moss stars as a woman who believes she’s being haunted by her abusive ex-husband, someone she becomes convinced faked his own death and is stalking her without being able to be seen. Filmmaker Leigh Whannell, the writer behind the Saw and Insidious horror franchises, generates good thrills and high-wire tension with the help of high production value and a terrifyingly-good performance from Moss. 

13. Dick Johnson is Dead

Documentarian Kirsten Johnson filmed a beautiful, intimate tribute to her father Dick Johnson, who has been suffering from Alzheimer's in the final years of his life. However, instead of dreading his death, both daughter and father embrace it by having him acting out several scenes of his over-the-top demises. Dick Johnson is Dead may focus on the subject manner of death, but this documentary actually celebrates life and the laughs that happen along the way. 

12. The Wolf of Snow Hollow

Perhaps one of the littlest-known films of the year, The Wolf of Snow Hollow is not your conventional indie comedy horror flick. Writer/director Jim Cummings stars as an overly-heated police officer who attempts to get to the bottom of a string of murders in his small, snowy Utah town by what appears to be some sort of werewolf, though he remains unconvinced. Featuring one of the final performances from veteran actor Robert Forster, The Wolf of Snow Hollow uses its quirky sense of humor to stand out from the rest of the pack. 

11. The Gentlemen 

The Gentlemen is a fun, action-packed, crime caper from Guy Ritchie about the London turf war of drug kingpins. Matthew McConaughey, Charlie Hunnam, Henry Goulding, Michelle Dockery, and Colin Ferrell all round out the strong cast, but its Hugh Grant that really steals the show as the comedically manipulative Fletcher, whose only allegiance is to himself. If you like a stylish film with well-choreographed violence and a fast-paced plot, The Gentlemen should be your cup of tea.  

10. Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Some of the best play-to-film adaptations are the films that feel like you’re watching a play, and Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom is one of them. Produced by Denzel Washington, Viola Davis gives a transformative performance as Ma Rainey, known as the “mother of the blues” and the clash she had with a pair of White music producers, but she also butts heads with her trumpet player (played by the late Chadwick Boseman), who also has his own music ambitions. While Davis obviously gives other Oscar-worthy performance, it was Boseman who was able to show how incredibly gifted he was as an actor. And while the world lost him far too soon, at least his last role ended up being his greatest. 

9. The Kid Detective

One of the biggest surprises of the year was how good a movie starring and produced by Adam Brody was. Brody plays a washed up former kid detective who attempts to revive his once-celebrated career of solving mysteries by getting to the bottom of a murder in his hometown. The Kid Detective is a brilliant dark comedy from newcomer writer/director Evan Morgan with good laughs, plenty of plot twists, and a career-best performance from Brody, who proves he’s more than just the pretty face from The O.C. we all know him as. 

8. Mank

Citizen Kane is widely regarded as one of the greatest films ever made and Mank is a worthy tribute. Gary Oldman stars as the title character Herman “Mank” Mankiewicz, the Oscar-winning screenwriter behind the iconic film. David Fincher (The Social Network, Gone Girl) managed to capture the epic scale of the 1941 classic that would make Orson Welles proud. 

7. Soul

Soul is one of those rare existential Pixar films that goes beyond being children’s entertainment. Following in the footsteps of 2015′s Inside Out, Soul depicts what happens to the soul of a jazz musician who’s convinced his time on Earth isn’t over. While the universe created to explain how souls work and the plot that went along with it falls short of its emotions predecessor, Soul is still high-caliber among Pixar films and a great movie for both kids and adults alike. 

6. Another Round

Perhaps the greatest work from Swedish director Thomas Vinterberg to date, Another Round follows four unsatisfied middle aged men who decide to take a theory of task from a Norwegian psychiatrist, who concluded that maintaining a blood alcohol level of 0.050 will enhance their mental and psychological state. Mads Mikkelsen, who’s best known to American audiences as Hannibal Lecter in the short-lived NBC series Hannibal and the Bond villain in Casino Royale, offers a strong, nuanced performance as one of the four educators who embraces this drinking challenge in a film that provides an equal balance of chuckles, cringes, and emotional gut punches. 

5. I’m Thinking of Ending Things

From the crazy mastermind of Charlie Kaufman, the writer behind Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and Anomalisa, his latest on Netflix is too a mind-bender. I’m Thinking of Ending Things is a surreal, zany, and at times disturbing examination of the human condition as the nameless female protagonist played by an incredible Jessie Buckley mulls over breaking up with her boyfriend (played by Jesse Plemons) while visiting his parents’ house. Accompanied with a stellar production design and a crazy-good performance from Toni Collette as “Mother,” Kaufman newest cerebral feature lives up to his iconic reputation of filmmaking. 

4. Da 5 Bloods

Spike Lee is one of the few genius filmmakers who is able to blend multiple genres together and his latest film is no different. Da 5 Bloods is an action adventure, buddy comedy, dramatic character study, and war movie all wrapped up into one about a group of Vietnam War veterans who return to the former battlegrounds to find the remains of one of their fallen soldiers as well as some treasure that they kept hidden years ago. With a strong ensemble cast that includes the late Chadwick Boseman, its longtime character actor Delroy Lindo who steals the show with his powerful performance. Da 5 Bloods is easily one of Netflix’s strongest films to date. 

3. The Assistant

One of the first #MeToo-era films, The Assistant offers the day in the life of a low-level female staffer of a production company who is haunted by the presence of her Harvey Weinstein-like boss (who never actually appears in the film). However, rather than depicting the dramatics of sexual misconduct, The Assistant uses the common subtleties and nuances of the workplace yet maintains the same tension and heartbreak. Anchored by the remarkable, devastating performance by up-and-comer Julia Garner (Ozark), The Assistant is as important as it is well-done. 

2. Sound of Metal

Riz Ahmed gives the performance of his career as a heavy metal drummer and former addict whose sudden battle with going deaf upends his life. Sound of Metal is an incredible experience that gives a rare glimpse in the American deaf community which is enhanced by the remarkable sound design that helps the audience actually hear what the musician is going through. It’s truly one of the most rewarding films of the year. 

1. The Climb

The Climb takes the generic “man sleeps with his best friend’s fiancé” storyline and turns it on its head. In his feature debut as writer and director, Michael Angelo Covino leads as the not-so-apologetic adulterer Mike and Kyle Marvin, who co-wrote the film, is the good-hearted Kyle who struggles to whether or not to forgive his best friend’s ultimately betrayal. Not only is The Climb is quirky and hilariously written, it’s a remarkably well-made comedy with some of the year’s best cinematography. Between a strong cast, a superb screenplay, and the extremely-high production value, The Climb is at the top of the mountain of 2020′s best films. 

[w00wzerz]

🚃Ticket back to Life🚃

(All that matters in Titans s3 ep 9)

There is so much to talk about, so without further ado, lets get into it!

The episode begins with a seemingly defeated Bruce scanning over his will for a few seconds - hinting at the fact that he will harm himself or is planning to soon move on to the “other side.”

At this moment I had crinkled my bag of Doritos, placed them in the crack of my lap and sat in silence for a few seconds. My mind was working overtime to try and piece together just what the hell was going on. These were my initial thoughts: I would like to sincerely apologize to Dick Grayson and Jason Todd for ever having to put up with Bruce Wayne’s crazy ass. The man is coo coo, he’s unhinged! He’s deranged!

However, upon further evaluation of the scene, I came to the realization that this was simply Bruce’s call for help. He had lived his entire life by attempting to mask his pain, using anything in the book to deter his emotions. Until one day, he ultimately settled on taking in kids who he presumed had developed under similar circumstances.

What Bruce failed to realize is that playing the role of a parent is an upmost emotionally draining task - just ask my mother… By raising his own kids with a shit ton of baggage he would also be signing up to mountain theirs atop his own, crafting an incredibly unstable terrain that would inevitably come crashing down.

Now we know where Dick and Jason get their compartmentalism from.

Moving on to my girl Rachel in Themiscyra! You know things are pretty bad when Rachel starts to complain about training too much, seeing as that was all she ever did over at Titans tower.

However, it seems that her hard work has paid off as she has awakened a heightened sense of urgency in her movements - her coordination skills have also improved significantly, as shown below.

Such a badass scene! ☀️

Upon their very first introduction, it is safe to say that Donna establishes an instant connection with the terrified kid who jumped from the train - Tim Drake. It could be the gravitational pull and familiarity with his fear that peaked her interest because of how similar it was to her own, or she could’ve just wanted to make sure that he was okay. And I am willing to bet on ALL OF IT.

Secondly can we all just take a minute to celebrate Donna’s long awaited return! I have never been more excited for the revival of a character. Now Kory can finally have some grown up friends 🥂

After Tim and Donna linger for a-bit in the woods, they meet up with none other than Hank himself. Of course he would be the one to appear out in the middle of nowhere, in an old fashioned car after his death. I wouldn’t have accepted it any other way.

I also have to admit that I was pretty psyched to see Hank again. Do not quote me on this, but a tiny piece of me had missed his annoyingly snarky ass.

Was anyone else feeling some serious 21 jump street vibes from this lttle road trip scene? No… just me? Okay.

Once they’re all familiar with one another Hank begins to take a subtle interest in Tim. As my senses began tingling once more, the pieces had somehow found their way together. Despite the tough ass persona he displayed for the other members of the Titans, Hank has always had a soft spot for kids. Which would also explain why he was killed by Jason in the first place - because he thought he could save Jason from himself. A part of him still feels like an idiot for falling for the false vulnerability that was expressed by Jason on the phone that day.

And no I wasn’t crying at Hank’s farewell, you were 🥲

I was disappointed at first after treading on the idea that they would all return back together. But after viewing Hank’s reunion with his brother, I think it’s safe to say that I’m pretty glad that he decided not to miss out on that drastic part in his journey. Plus who knows, maybe another portal will open again after a few years and they’ll both be back to kick some ass. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Below is another example of Donna’s rocky, yet emotional connection between herself and Tim. And I say rocky because it doesn’t seem that she even realizes it herself, but she loves my little Tim baby!

Tim just has a way of interacting with folks that evokes a sense of urgency to protect him. I also believe that it must be fate that is drawing them all towards each other, especially when taking into account that Tim has practically met almost every member of the Titans dead or alive - by accident.

As you can see below, a teary eyed Donna watches as young Tim fades away into obscurity from her very own finger tips.

And as his body slowly disintegrates she makes it her mission to assure him that he is fact not a coward and that above everything else, he is a hero in her eyes. Now if that doesn’t get the waterworks flowing, I don’t know what will.

————————————

A recurring theme that I’ve noticed throughout the past three episodes is the current writers obsession with fire.

Fire = destruction. 🔥

Even as Bruce set a flame to Wayne’s manor he intended to destroy not only his home, but as well as himself along with it. Could fire represent what is to come in the near future for the Titans? Or am I sipping too much gatorade? I guess we’ll have to wait and see folks. Until next time! ✨😙💜

[nikethestatue]

To be honest, I find really problematic how sjm writes the Illyrians. It's clear that she writes problematic things without even notice they are problematic, and people who chooses to demonize azriel or whoever instead of calling her out is not better than her. She's been writing the Illyrians like that since always and it only matters now because of shipping discourse. They aren't fooling me. Like, Azriel is a freak who's capable of keeping a woman as hostage because he desires her and Gwyn's true love at the same time. Pick a struggle.

Hi,

So the whole 'Azriel is a toxic weirdo' was never a thing. Most people either considered him a quiet hottie with a large penis, or didn't pay much attention to him, because he is kind of a quiet character, torturing people in the background and brooding.

Then the POV came about and in order to pair him with Gwyn, people stared writing how he was so 'possessive' of Elain and 'treated her like a sex toy' and had 'no feelings for her'. Blah, blah. Gwyn is mate/true love/therapist.

Then, a specific Elucien accounts added to that, and decided to make him entirely toxic, not appropriate for anyone, but certainly not for Elain, since she belongs to Lucien and must make him happy.

Gwynnies are now in a pickle, because do they ship a horribly possessive, deranged, unhinged man with their fave? That's not very sexy! Or do they say that he is only 'toxic enough' but with Gwyn's amazing therapeutic abilities he will become as boring and as tame as a fixed house cat?

Now, they've made this bed that they all have to sleep in together--the bed of Azriel's supposed toxicity. So now we just get to marvel at an extra dose of mental gymnastic that they go through. 'Well...he needs time to reflect on his behaviour! He can be healed with the right care...' Blah, blah. Honestly, it's kind of entertaining to watch and read.

As for the Illyrians--I think we can all agree that the worldbuilding of ACOTAR generally sucks. It's extremely underdeveloped, it makes no logical sense, and SJM spent about 5 minutes thinking about all these Courts and people, and it shows. I mean, just an example--both Azriel and Cassian got their wings shredded to bits, yet, in a month, by the time Feyre comes back from Spring Court, their wings are brand new. Yet nothing could be done for a clipped woman? Or these High Lords can bring people back to life, yet they can't figure out how to deliver a winged baby? Or ALL Illyrians suck? Except for Cassian and Emerie?

I agree, I dont like the portrayal of Illyrians, because it makes no sense--even historically. Why are they the way they are? Why are they so wild and brutish and uncultured? Why hasn't any of the HL of the NC done anything about that? Like, does Rhys pay them for their services, if they fight for him? When there are no wars, what do they do? Fine, they train, but they have no industries? No trade? No commerce? These big wars happen every 500 years--that's a long time. What do they do in between? What were they doing when Rhys was UTM? Why would they kiss a ton of their own youths, who've been training for 27 years to fight, during the BR?

I can go on and on. But that's what happens when a writer just want to write THE story that's in their mind and doesn't think through any of the details. Comparatively, TOG and even CC are much more developed.

And I do hope that SJM does something positive with the Illyrians eventually. Maybe Emerie and Cassian and a grown up Nyx can bring some positive changes to that society.

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: Whole Cake Island

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano

sanji is such a self-sacrificial idiot. and i know that’s not exactly a ground-breaking statement, but it does define the entire first half of whole cake island, so it may as well be reiterated here: sanji does not value his own life as much as he should, and fails to grasp that other people care about him outside of what he can offer them, which is why he’s so surprised when luffy later comes charging headlong into big mom’s territory.

zou is a really good little arc, and it also mirrors the themes of whole cake island in miniature. the minks collectively make a massive sacrifice and risk absolutely everything to protect raizou, and wci is essentially all about loyalty and sacrifice, whether its sanji giving himself up to protect the strawhats and zeff or luffy and the strawhats facing impossible odds to rescue him to pedro giving up his life to get them all out of there safe.

huge fan of this panel partly just because it’s cute and partly because it’s a great visualization of just how dysfunctional the heights are in one piece.

zou is one of my favorite settings in one piece just for the sheer creativity of it. zunesha is so massive and so mysterious and so strange. and she really looks unspeakably old just from how she’s drawn, looming over everyone and everything, eyes hollow and empty, an entire forest and an entire people growing on her back that have been there for thousands of years. it’s just so neat and so wildly inventive.

this applies to zou as a whole, but i think it’s really cool how all the little threads that will become important during wano are set up so effectively even before whole cake island starts. we get this shot here of kidd beat to shit and then forget it because so much happens between here and when he shows up again in wano, but then oda punks us into caring about him and killer so much and this retroactively becomes very important.

ever since his introduction sanji’s always been a character basically defined by his adherence to his principles: always feeding the hungry, never wasting food, never hurting women, never using his hands in combat. he’s probably the most firmly principled person on the crew, and that’s more obvious in whole cake island than in any other arc except maybe baratie.

sanji is very stubbornly good, which puts him in acute contrast to his siblings and their general cruel apathy. it’s something i really like about him.

i’m a huge fan of big mom’s introduction, which is also our introduction to tottoland in general. it’s cutesy and colorful and musical while simultaneously being deeply creepy, with lyrics about killing people for ingredients and making jam out of blood, which is a great summary of the core of big mom’s character. she’s an old lady all in pink who lives in a cartoon fairy-tale land- but she’s also a deranged cannibal, and all those singing trees and flowers are animated by the life she steals from her citizens as tax.

whole cake island draws on a lot of fairy tale motifs (especially with brulee), and the contrast that saccharine appearance creates with how fucked up the actual content is is super effective and memorable, i think.

honestly i find most of the content of sanji with the vinsmokes just plain upsetting, which i’m sure is intentional, so i’m not going to go into it a lot here, but i am including this panel of him kicking niji in the face.

sad as this scene turns out, luffy’s absolute thrill at finding sanji and the corresponding bafflement of the vinsmokes as to how the fuck he even got there always kinda makes me grin.

i always love seeing people’s underestimations about luffy get thrown right the hell out the window- because let’s be honest, he’s easy to underestimate, he’s like a five and a half foot tall rubber teenager and not very physically intimidating and all, and then he goes and pulls off the impossible without blinking.

the thing that makes luffy unique as a captain has always been his willingness to rely on his crew, and his willingness to openly admit that reliance, like he did all the way back in arlong park. most of the other contenders for the pirate king’s crown we’ve seen- big mom, kaidou, crocodile once upon a time- have been stubbornly individualistic people who explicitly shown not to care for their crew and allies, generally seeing them as disposable.

luffy is the opposite of all of them, because his crew are everything to him, to the point of being willing to sacrifice his dream for them. and the loyalty he wins from them in return is unmatched, as opposed to big mom and kaidou, who both get cheerfully betrayed not just by their own crewmates but by their own children.

brook is really cool in whole cake island, and honestly it comes at just the right time for him as a character. ever since his introductory arc in thriller bark until this point he hasn’t gotten a ton of focus, so it’s great that he gets to be the mvp here and demonstrate exactly why he’s a strawhat pirate and how much he’s grown over the timeskip.

oda is generally really good at introducing and handling characters contained to a single arc/saga, but i do think he absolutely knocked it out of the park with pedro. he has an interesting backstory, compelling motivations, and basically an entire sub-arc ending in his death that never distracts from the main plot, but only ever adds to it.

pedro really feels like a fully realized character who’s had a whole life offscreen, who we just happened to catch at the very end of his story. i think that’s super impressive.

i really love this moment, because for me, this is the moment where whole cake island becomes a tremendous arc, and where the tides begin to turn and the dominoes begin to fall, one after the other. this is sanji hitting absolute rock bottom. the one ray of light he pinned all his hopes on was a lie, and he can’t even light a fucking cigarette.

but one piece is, very often, a story about picking yourself up even when you feel like you can’t.

i think there’s something lovely about how much one piece emphasizes the value of honestly asking for help. luffy waits for nami to ask for help, and for robin to say she wants to live, and for sanji to admit he just wants to go home, and then says, “okay, i’ll make that happen.”

it just makes me so happy how happy the stawhats are to know sanji’s back with them. it reminds me a lot of how they all brush off robin’s thanks after enies lobby. sure, they’re going to have to crash the wedding and confront big mom directly and might all die, but who cares? they’ve got sanji back. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, i love how much they love each other.

i think the gangster outfits are super fun, and i love that oda is committed enough to his aesthetics to come up with an excuse to put them all in formalwear. it pays off, they all look extremely snappy.

i know i just said it in the dressrosa posts but i’m reiterating it here because this is my favorite example of it by far: i love when oda does this split-screen thing with his panels. the contrast between the two halves of pudding is so severe and yet they’re so clearly the same person i honestly just find this pair of panels fascinating to look at.

this panel also kind of gets at my favorite thing about pudding as a character, really. i know she’s a little controversial in fandom, but i’ve always found her entertaining (at least post-reveal), especially in the contrast between her unhinged evil side and her genuinely sweet romantic side and her post-wedding tendency to randomly ping-pong between the two.

i just always like reminding people that sanji is fast enough and his observation haki good enough to dodge a surprise attack, while thoroughly distracted, from katakuri.

sanji in this arc tends to get shit from a certain side of fandom for being ‘useless’ since he doesn’t have a big climactic fight despite being the focus of the arc, which i think is thoroughly missing the point. sanji is still plenty capable in combat, as demonstrated both here and later, with chiffon and oven. it just happens that his strength isn’t what saves the day ultimately, because combat ability isn’t everything, which is the entire point of the vinsmoke backstory/subplot. sanji saves the day just by being kind.

i’ll admit big mom’s flashback isn’t one of my favorites, taken in isolation- there are some parts of it that kind of unresolved (at least as of now- i still suspect they’ll be followed up eventually), and in general, although there is a tragedy to it, it doesn’t quite hit the way many of the other more effective flashbacks do. that said, i do think it does a really good job of succinctly explaining why big mom is the way she is in the present: she’s a child who was never told no, who never grew or matured past the disappearance of her adopted mother. that’s it, and that’s enough.

i’ve always been a little bit in love with how seriously and consistently one piece handles its themes of found family, and sanji outright disowning judge in whole cake island is maybe the most outright they ever get: family is found, not made. you owe nothing to your blood and are never beholden to your abusers.

and i just like that a whole lot.

i do think the tamatebako is one of the best uses of chekov’s gun i’ve ever seen. we’re first shown it at the end of fishman island, it’s revealed it got sent off to big mom rigged with explosives which is a minor “oh fuck” moment, and then it gets forgotten about, because the entirety of punk hazard and dressrosa happens in between! which is a lot!

i remember when i reached the moment in whole cake island where we’re reminded that that bomb still exists and is still waiting to explode, i just started laughing hysterically out loud, because i’d completely forgotten, and now that i remembered i was just delighted to know it was going to definitely go off at some point, almost certainly in a very satisfying way.

pedro is, if i remember right, the first time the imagery of the coming dawn that will become quite important in wano really has attention drawn to it in-text- the recurring motif is there before this, of course, dating all the way back to the names of the first chapter (romance dawn) and first island (dawn island), but this is the first time it’s actively addressed in-story.

in doing so, oda essentially presents a fresh mystery for us, but one that has been set up so consistently ever since chapter one that it feels like it fits perfectly into the world and story.

luffy’s been punching way above his weight class ever since crocodile all the way back in alabasta, fighting enemies who clearly outmatch him but always managing to win anyways, but his fight with katakuri is maybe the clearest the sheer differential in strength ever gets, because katakuri’s powers are similar enough to luffy’s that he can pull off pretty much all of luffy’s techniques, but better. so luffy has to fall back on the two things that have always been his greatest strengths, again all the way back to crocodile in alabasta: innovation and sheer fucking stubbornness.

one thing i love about one piece is how no character is immune to being clowned on. absolutely nobody. everybody looks like an idiot sometimes, and it makes everything so much more fun than if the series took itself more seriously. katakuri basically actively tries to avert this by building up a fearsome, flawless, and utterly no-nonsense persona, but it winds up failing hard because it actually only makes the contrast and surprise of his actual personality and vices that much funnier.

i’ve always loved this one panel of carrot going sulong, because she just looks so monstrous, like a true werewolf. the same goes for the shift in big mom’s design when she starts going truly mad with starvation and gets even more threatening-looking (below). i just think oda should let women be monstrously scary more often.

i do really love that the entire climax of whole cake island hinges on the degree of trust and faith the strawhats, and sanji and luffy specifically, have in each other. they’re all facing massive challenges that would seem insurmountable to an outsider- luffy facing down a yonkou’s commander with a bounty of over a billion and sanji remaking a massive cake that took months to plan and make in just a few hours, the others evading big mom’s full forces and big mom herself for a full night- but none of them have even a shred of doubt that the others can manage it.

i wrote a meta post awhile back about one piece’s concept of ‘honor in a pirates’ fight, and what it came down to is this: honor can never be expected between pirates, but the best of them will show it anyways, and it can be a very telling judge of character. nobody would expect katakuri to do this, and luffy even calls him an idiot for it, but he has enough respect for luffy as a strong opponent to do it anyways, and that’s how we know for absolute certain that even though he’s an antagonist, he’s also a good, honorable person.

i really like the gesture of luffy leaving his hat over katakuri’s mouth, especially because until this point, we’re never even given any indication that he’s really noticed it, let alone that katakuri is insecure about it. he never reacts to or comments on it (which is in itself kind of unusual from someone who tends to nickname opponents by their appearances as often as luffy does) one way or another.

and then he does this, confirming all at once that he did fully notice and understand, he just doesn’t care. which i think sums up one of the more under-appreciated aspects of luffy’s character- he’s generally way more observant than people give him credit for, especially when it comes to people, it’s just that he has a very different sense of what’s important and what’s not than your average person.

i love the sheer contrast between big mom’s delighted, rapturous singing as she devours the wedding cake against the violence taking place on screen as her army rains fire and hell down on the thousand sunny. it parallels her initial introduction at the start of the arc perfectly, and is just an excellent way to close out the arc with a bang.

i said it earlier but it bears repeating here, for a different reason: luffy is not very physically intimidating. he’s shorter than most of the other main characters, he’s a lanky teenager, he dresses casually and his most identifiable accessory is a farm hat.

but then there are times when he looks like a captain, like a future pirate king, and it just looks so natural on him. i can never get over it.

i really like that, after spending a whole arc demonstrating just how different (and how much better) sanji is than the vinsmokes, it ends like this- showing us just how similar he’s grown up to the man he’s chosen as his real family, and just how proud zeff would be of him.

[frostyreturns]

Louis Sachar is (probably) a pedophile

Now I say this as someone who grew up loving his books and who is now re-reading them as part of my reading goal to re-read all the books from my childhood. Well I’m noticing things as an adult that I would have never even blinked twice at when I read them as a kid, I shrugged some of it off, thought I was being paranoid at first then the creepiness just kept piling up. Here’s what I found.

in wayside school is falling down in particular there are not one but two very inappropriate interactions between a teacher and a student. In one part Sachar writes a story where cafeteria food compells someone to kiss someone on the mouth without being able to control the impulse or realizing that it happened afterward...and then sets it up to happen between the teacher and a student. The not realizing it happens afterward is what really stuck out to me. Then in another story a student claims to be in love with his teacher and the teachers response is to tell the child that she loves him too and explains that it's not wrong to say even though she's married because love is something that you have more of the more you give it away. There is no attempt to differentiate the kind of love she's expressing for her husband and for the student. Even if this had not been an interaction between a teacher and a student, the idea of selling children the idea of free love is disgusting. 

Not as egregious and this may be an example of internet pervs painting my perception on an otherwise innocent story. But socks kept coming up as well. In one story a kid ponders stuffing a girls sock in his mouth to stop him from chewing his pencils and makes a comment about not being sure if he’d like the taste of her socks more than a tootsie pop or not. And in another story a hobo convinces the whole class that not wearing socks makes you smart and he convinces the entire class to take off their socks before a test. Now the footfag stuff I’d say is a stretch if not for the rest of it.

Oh and in the first book there was a weird story where the teacher brought in ice cream that tasted like each of the students (joe flavoured ice cream etc) and they spent all this time debating over which kids tasted the best and how no kid was able to taste their own flavour.

Apparently he also actually worked as a playground supervisor while he was in college and the kids in the book are based on real kids.

I’m looking over the negative reviews of his books to see if other people were getting the same impression I was and the most common criticism is that the stories he writes are creepy and inappropriate for kids or contain inappropriate behaviour involving kids. 

ok groomer

I never read these books but reviews claim it was weird the way a teacher hires a student to come alone to their house and takes them out for lunch.

This is another one I haven’t read but the phrasing “he tells enormous lies and nobody liked him except the school counselor” is weird especially considering Sachar’s real life wife is or was a school counselor. So a school counselor, a playground supervisor and a childrens author...somebody likes being around kids an awful lot.

Some might not know he wrote a new Wayside book recently called wayside school beneath the cloud of doom which he says he was inspired to write because of how scared he was for the future because of things like the election of Trump. Now I don’t like Trump either but I do know that the people whose hatred of him was most unhinged turned up in Epsteins flight logs. So to me It’s circumstantial but trump derangement is another red flag.

That title...I never read this one but the premise is he might be royalty who was kidnapped from a place called “shampoon.”

Also in the book small steps which is a sort of sequel to holes it follows a teenage pop star who he describes wearing slutty outfits and has grown men commenting about how sexy she is. I read Holes and Small Steps first and when I saw this I thought it was weird the way he didn’t offer any explicit commentary indicating that it was wrong...especially when it was put in a kids book, but I still thought maybe it was supposed to be negative commentary about the way teenage pop stars are sexualized...however given the rest of the nonsense I think I was projecting...it was probably both. Remember that’s what cuties was supposedly about, but the thing is you can criticize sexualizing teenagers without actually sexualizing them.

This is all circumstantial, its not the kind of evidence that would hold up in court but when there’s this much smoke I’d bet heavily on there being a fire. Maybe not enough for torch and pitchfork but certainly enough to not take your kids to any book signings.

[happymetalgirl]

Rammstein - untitled

As soon as it was confirmed for 2019, Rammstein’s seventh studio album was always going to be one of the biggest metal releases of the year, if not the biggest, and it was actually nice to see the band use that to their advantage and give the album a worthily ceremonial roll-out. The promotion alone was a welcome return to times when big artists generally put more effort into their album promo cycles. I get that it got a little overdone in its time, and I get that not every artist has at their disposal the means to give their upcoming records the kind of red carpet treatment that Rammstein has given theirs. And sudden/short-notice, unprecedented album drops have been a cool way for artists to show their confidence in their work and reputation to build their own hype on exactly that suddenness. But in a day and age where sudden project releases carry much less surprise factor now and seem more to be symptomatic of short attention spans and capitalizing on a trend, Rammstein's more magnificent promotional phase for their first album in a decade was a nice change of pace, for me at least. From the incrementally released trailers and teasers for each song, the big broadcast of the single "Radio", to cryptic early social media messages and the delay of the very reveal of the title (or lack thereof) and cover art, Rammstein did a lot to take advantage of their ability to give their album a more committed old-school promotion when few else were doing so. Whereas the once brave, sudden nonchalant album drop has now grown dejected and taken on a possibility to be interpreted as nervousness to hype what might not live up to such hype (it can't disappoint and not live up to the hype if you don't give it any hype), a big roll-out like this has once again become a real sign of confidence in one's work, and based on their seventh album’s roll-out, Rammstein knew they had put together a hell of a comeback album. And that became incredibly clear as soon as the band released their most monumental combined visual and auditory statement to date with the music video for the first single and opening track "Deutschland".

The song itself is a sobering, grand, sorrowfully heart-wrenching cry for the band's homeland and its long, tumultuous struggle to overcome its infamously dark history. It's the kind of tough, honest, and well-timed critical look that I must give Rammstein respect for making, and the huge production and ambitious concept of the music video directed by Specter Berlin do justice to both the song and its uneasy (to say the least) subject matter. It's the kind of biting commentary that the video for Childish Gambino's "This Is America" was so revered for last year, though I honestly think that the Childish Gambino song itself has been largely overrated outside the context of the video and that "Deutschland" is an even more fearlessly convicting song and its video and even more artistically accomplished national critique (as it should have with its evidently bigger budget). But to get into the song itself since it’s on topic, “Deutschland” is a conflicted cry for the band’s homeland and the aftermath of its darkest days it is still struggling to overcome. The lyrics highlight Germany’s pride in its achievements and its unyielding ambition, but how that pride and ambition has been twisted into a kind of malignant narcissism to produce some of history’s most despicable atrocities (with the band not at all coy about the history they bring up, with the reference to Übermensch and the former national anthem line “Deutschland Deutschland über allen”). The instrumental of the song is dynamic and rides in tune with the lyrics’ heaviness perfectly all the way through, and the resounding bellow of the chant, “Deutschland”, provides the burst of sonic and poetic intensity that makes the song such a standout track. And the sorrow and sincere wish to love this complicated and slowly healing Germany is conveyed magnificently in Till Lindemann’s subtly heart-wrenching vocal performance. If it’s not already obvious from the preceding verbiage in this paragraph, “Deutschland” is undoubtedly going to be near or at the top of my song list at the end of this year.

Moving on from my favorite song of 2019 so far, the second single and second track on the album, “Radio”, which had a similarly big release, is possibly the catchiest song on the album with its groovy guitar riff, its keyboard sprinkling on top, and its fittingly infectious chorus. The song is another example of what I think is one of Rammstein’s most overlooked traits, and that is Till Lindemann’s lyricism. The song deals with an escape from life and a finding of pleasure through radio, as is pretty apparent by the title. The lyrics carry a good deal of sexual overtones, and though the line translates to putting one’s ear up to hear the radio, I’m pretty sure Lindemann chose the wording of “Mein Ohr ganz nah am” to resemble “my orgasm”. To possibly look way too deep into this and link it to German history, the band members grew up in the part of Berlin in East Germany, which was basically an impoverished hell hole under Soviet rule, and the band have expressed before their frustration with the forced insulation of the old regime. The radio referred to in the song is specified to be one the picks up international broadcasts, the wonders of which I imagine Rammstein and other Berliners in East Germany were depply inspired by and longed desperately to get any taste they could of (which the voracious appetite the women had for the radios in the music video and the revolt it led to supports).

Third in the track listing is the song “Zeig Dich”(meaning “Show Yourself), whose orthodoxical introductory chant opens the heavy quick-rhythm-driven guitar riff base of the song and its religious critique excellently. The quick calling cards the lyrics bring up to identify the subject of the song as the Christian church aren’t really much more than that, but the fact that the invocation of child abuse and the forbidding of contraception immediately brings to mind an organization meant to promote moral, Godly living is reflective of so many things wrong with the church. But the song seems to be a flustered insistence for the church to reveal its true and conflicting intentions: for its own sustenance through its authority over its followers and their passing down and around of the doctrine. The poetic technique is audibly impressive, but lost in translation, as the verses are loaded with mantras all tagged with the prefix “ver-”, which doesn’t really have an English equivalent, but serves to make more extremein some way the verbs being modified, which could be interpreted quite a few ways in the context of the song’s religious critique.

The fourth track, “Ausländer”, was a bit off-putting to me at first for its dancy beat and pitch-shifted backing vocal sample, but its lighter attitude compared to the surrounding tracks was probably a good move by the band and its cheeky fun has helped it grow on me a bit. The song is a kind of comedic suggestion to travelers to learn to speak native languages because the opposite gender loves to hear a foreigner speak their tongue, with Lindemann dropping all these overly dramatic romantic pleas in Spanish, French, and Russian. It’s kind of tongue-in-cheek, but the concept of cultures mingling and the language through which it happens is certainly something that could be read into even deeper here, but I feel I might be getting in too deep to this album’s lyrics as it is. Fun song! It strikes me as this album’s “Haifisch”.

The sixth song is called “Sex”, and it is one of those universally understood words that needs no translation. Rammstein have never been shy about putting all the raunchiest and most intentionally provocative aspects of the universal pleasure into song (Till Lindemann’s 2015 solo album also was largely about his many sexual fantasies and aspirations). But on this song, Rammstein finally tackle the queasy feelings of rising sexual attraction and the intense urge to bask in its pleasure with another. The lyrics come off, not so much as creepy or filthy, but rather as profoundly horny (a phrase I never thought I’d type, but here we are), with Lindemann singing “Wir leben bei sex”, which means “we live during sex”, which could be interpreted as an ode to the pleasure of the act of reproduction. The boisterous vocal delivery of the titular refrain gives the already heavy, groovy, and provocative song a different primal energy, and it makes the desire spoken of in the lyrics evident and real. And speaking of powerfully primal vocal performances...

The song “Puppe” has justifiably gained a lot of attention for Till Lindemann’s scathingly rough and chillingly tortured vocal delivery in its second half, which was the first thing that caught my ear too when I gave this album its first spin. Delving into the lyrics the song reveals itself to be about a child who is kept comforted (or even medicated to a degree) by a doll while this child’s sister goes off to work, which is revealed to be only in the neighboring room and is likely to be prostitution. The song eventually reveals that the child finds the sister dead at the hands of an assailant during her work, driving the child to bite the head off the doll, which could have a variety of interpretations regarding this already unhinged character’s stability, killing the assailant, destroying the comforting object and thus shedding all childhood innocence completely at the sight of such trauma, or simply a deranged, destructive breakdown. Personally, I think the lyrics suggest that the child rips the doll’s head off in an act of traumatic realization of the world’s cruelty and a refusal to accept being sheltered from it, with whatever actions following being very up in the air. Either way, how the band builds up the the climax of the child biting the head of the doll off and explodes into vibrant heaviness provides the perfect backing for Lindemann to play this character phenomenally.

The soulful metallic ballad “Was ich Liebe” is probably the most flat-out depressing song on the album, and despite the simplicity of its lyrics, its conflict with its speaker wanting to love but also feeling that doing so is futile and that all pleasure is fleeting is well expressed, and an interestingly stark contrast to “Sex”, wherein the raw, physical lust brings about divine, life-affirming pleasure and whereas “Was ich Liebe” details perhaps the comedown from the high of sexual fulfillment to a life viewed through the most hopeless lens in which all pleasure eventually rots and everything loved dies. The song itself doesn’t actually reference sex at all, but it is perhaps its very absence and the vagueness concepts the speaker laments over that suggest that perhaps the speaker doesn’t even know how to find the lasting forms of love sought through sex. Then again, I could just be reading into Rammstein’s trend of often writing about sex. Sonically it provides a break from all the extreme energy leading up to it,which is nice in the track listing, but the woeful lamentation makes it come off as a bit overly dramatic. Given the whiny, defeatist subject matter though, perhaps that was intentional.

The very next song, “Diamant”, is an even more stripped back acoustic breather track supplemented with weeping vibratto strings for an intentionally melodramatic effect. It's a somber love song in which Lindemann compares his allure to a beautiful person to that of a diamond, struggling with an infatuation that he knows is soul-sucking and something he should avoid, concluding his comparison of this beautiful person to the beautiful jewel in dejection, saying it’s only a stone.

The song “Weit Weg” is probably the album's low point both lyrically and musically, being a less tangibly performed song of unfulfilled longing for a far away woman with some juxtaposition between feeling close, but oh so far away too, which Lindemann has written about before much more convincingly. And the somewhat slow pace and minimal energy of the whole band's performance kind of just makes it drag on. It's not the worst song, but by Rammstein's standards and this album's standards, it's only distinction from the other songs on the album is its lack of much melodic or lyrical distinction.

“Tattoo” thankfully brings back the energy of the band's signature industrial metal groove for the album's last minutes. It definitely hearkens back to Reise Reise musically, and it's a fine offering of their more groovy old-school style. The song is about the literal act of tattooing a lover's name and contemplating the pain and permanence of it all to express the significance of their love in the speaker's life, ending on the somewhat tongue-in-cheek contemplation that if they ever split up, then the speaker will have to find someone else with the same name. Lyrically, it's very direct, but also colorful and a fresh angle for this topic.

The album closes on perhaps the most haunting and unsettling note (rivaled only by "Puppe") with “Halloman”, a song about the luring of a young girl by the titular "Hallomann" (who is suggested to be part of the Catholic church when the girl is revealed to be dancing while wearing a rosary) into a life of sexual servitude. It's a disturbing and genuinely mournful song, and the band handles the seriousness of the subject matter well both lyrically and musically with the pleading sorrow in Till Lindemann's performance conveying the gravity of the all too common story of childhood stolen and butchered by depraved opportunists who prey upon the vulnerable. I'm glad Tue band saved this song for the end because I can't imagine its eerie realism anywhere else in the track listing. It's an incredibly emotive, but chilling finish to the album, and it does a fantastic job bowing out for the album.

And that's it; that's Rammstein's long-awaited seventh studio album. In many ways it is Rammstein simply getting back on track after their long creative break after Liebe ist für alle da, but it does also feel like a well-rounded set of songs that take a lot from the band's whole career, and the songs do mostly seem very well nurtured. And while this album probably didn't need ten years to make, I'm certainly glad it's here now and I hope it helps Rammstein get back into a more consistent creative cycle. If there’s one thing that dampens the album’s experience, it’s perhaps the decrease in energy and the reversion to some of the band’s more typical tendencies without supplementation during the second half. But the brightest moments on the album definitely outweigh the duller ones, and the dynamic excitement of the album's experience certainly stems from Rammstein smartly placing their confidence in the progress they had made with their sound rather than trying to make a disingenuous rehash of Sehnsucht or Mutter alone (though the elements they bring in from those albums do serve to bolster this one). And through it all, Rammstein stays true to the focus on tight, efficient composition that has made every album of theirs so engaging and digestible. I'm glad they're back.

Willkommen zurück/10

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Twenty-One: Sanity ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

The rumors, though he couldn’t know for sure, Sasuke was convinced had started long before he returned to Konoha. About how he was unhinged. Deranged. Insane. The longer his journey went on - the more desperate his actions became - the more depraved the people of Konoha assumed him to be.

Oh, but if only they knew the city of blood and bone they called home...the foundation built on the bodies of his kinsmen beginning with Madara’s betrayal. If only they knew just how much he had to avenge...to bring justice to.

And in reality, it went much further than that. The very system of shinobi had been crafting villages out of corpses since their foundings. Hence his wish to wipe out the prior Kage. To clear the slate, and make way for a new era free from the ideals of the people that had brought them to the brink of extinction.

Insanity in the eyes of many...but he’d thought the notion sound. The only way to let a dying tree recover...is to remove the rotting branches that hinder it. Only then can the wound close, and the flora flourish. If you leave what is diseased, it will only spread once you turn your back until the entire thing withers.

They claim now that those in power are leaving behind the ways of the past.

...he’ll wait and see.

For now, he’s back in the village of his birth. A place of conflicted feelings. It was here, for seven years, he lived with his clan. Not all happy memories, but...all he has left of them. And yet here, too, were they murdered for daring to stand up for themselves and against their oppression.

Only recently as the council been outed, the clans united against their executive orders. Having narrowed his gaze to tending to Konoha, rather than attempt to cure the world...Sasuke hopes this will be a large first step in trimming Konoha of its hindered branches.

But his return, though celebrated by some...hasn’t been so for many. The very day he arrived - and it’s going on four months now - he heard the whispers. Seen the sidelong glances, the scowls, the glares.

As expected.

In all honesty, he hasn’t been paying them much mind. He’s one of the two strongest shinobi in their world. He’s hardly scared of some wary civilians or petty chūnin. The only people who could really give him any trouble wouldn’t dare.

...but that doesn’t mean they aren’t among the masses.

Upon returning, Sasuke didn’t waste any time making his sentiments known. He still held resentment for his team’s treatment of him. Of Sakura’s shallow obsession, or Naruto’s so-called friendship. He’d confronted them before leaving: asking them how they could, in good conscience - after learning all he had learned about the Uchiha, and the council’s decision to eliminate them - still think the best course of action was to drag him back, unwillingly, to his family’s slaughtering grounds. Better yet, when asked what plans they’d had to address such injustice?

Nothing. Not a word. Not a single hint or idea of how they’d have helped him seek recompense for all his clan had faced.

“Admit it. All you two cared about was getting the boy you thought I was back,” he’d hissed, holding no bars. “Sakura, you wanted me to come back and fall in love with you. As if I ever could with someone so superficial. Naruto...you’ve always claimed to be my friend. But when have you ever listened to me…? Taken my thoughts, my feelings, into account? Both of you...had imagined yourselves owed my time and attention. Because we were classmates, teammates, friends. But when did either of you ever take the time to acknowledge all I faced…? All I’d gone through? Never. Any time I tried to think for myself - make my own decisions - you forbade me!

“And on what grounds? You had no right to decide my future for me...when you gave no thought to my past. I chose to learn under Orochimaru. Never did I need your permission. Even if I was a missing nin because of it...it wasn’t your place to tell me what I could and couldn’t do in order to achieve my goals...goals no one ever offered me help with. Never did I want your attention, your friendship. All I ever wanted...was to get through my training, and avenge my clan. The rest was fodder. Unnecessary. A distraction. And whenever I prioritized my plans? Whenever I tried to leave behind what I never wanted in the first place? You took it as a personal slight. Tried to control me. I never wanted a team. Friends. No matter what you thought, you weren’t something I ever asked for. So to act like I owed you anything...was a joke.

“And it’ll be a damn long time before either of you learn that lesson...and longer still before you can make up to me all you did to me. The only time I ever confronted either of you was when you stood in my way. Otherwise? I’d never had raised a hand to you. It was you who put yourselves in my path. Impeded my progress. What choice did I have but to fight back? And when I dared stray…? Sakura, you whined and pleaded to Naruto. And Naruto? You insisted on beating me into submission until I bent to your will. Without any consideration for what I wanted, or needed. All that mattered was that you two wanted for me. That’s not friendship. Not even close.”

Needless to say...it left both of them giving him wary looks from then on. And he simply ignored them. He spoke his truth. His feelings on the matter. If they couldn’t see that...well, then he still wouldn’t want them.

Even now, they too look to him as though he’s ready to snap at any moment. As though he’s entirely unstable, devoid of his sanity. Practically everyone outside his family assumes he’s a lit fuse, just waiting for the right moment to go off. As short as his patience may have run at times - as driven as he was, no matter what actions he had to take - he’s not that boy anymore.

But none of them bother to see that.

...none, that is, but one.

Hinata faced her own sets of challenges. Some, oddly enough, ran parallel to Sasuke’s own. Dismissive fathers, hurtful brother figures that showed truer colors, underestimated members of ‘royal’ dōjutsu clans...while Hinata may not have lost her clan, her so similar position in one meant understanding more than most.

Of course, her connections to the twins’ mother helped in that. She was privy to far more far earlier than the rest of them before taking down the council. She, therefor, was able to see Sasuke in a much more comprehensive light.

Never has she looked down on him since his return. Shied from him. Glared at him or whispered. She just...treats him like any other person.

And gods is he thankful for that.

“So...think I’m nuts like everyone else?”

She’d startled, looking to him in shock. “I...w-what?”

His head had tilted to the rest of their group. “...they all seem to think I’m a ticking time bomb. A landmine just waiting to be stepped on. But you don’t walk on eggshells like they seem to. Why?”

Pale eyes blinked, thinking. “...because...I understand what you did. And why. While I can’t imagine having l-lost what you lost...I have to wonder if I would have - could have - done the same in their name. To me...you were v-very brave. Maybe flawed, in some ways...but you still put their justice above all else...even morality. And to learn that such a tragedy was orchestrated…” Her head had shook. “...I admire how you handled it, in the end. It couldn’t have been easy. But...though you made some wrong choices, you seem determined to make the right ones now. You want Konoha to be better. And...it needs to be better.

“So no...I don’t think you’re unstable.” Her head tilted, looking almost through him, or so he thought. “...I think...you’ve changed a lot. And g-grown. You’ve been through so much, Sasuke-kun. To make it out alive was miracle enough. I think...anyone in your shoes would have been just as affected as you were. Just because they didn’t experience what you did - just because they can’t understand - doesn’t m-mean they should treat you lesser. You’re doing your best...and doing better all the time. I hope...someday, the rest of them will see that.”

...would it be any wonder then, that one of the few he left with a clean slate - and who in turn let his be clean when he returned - would be the one he’d lose his heart to?

     I...dunno if I did this QUITE as I wanted, but...as usual, I'm left to do this very late, with limited time, so...I did my best ^^;      The original fic that got me into SasuHina - A Traitor Branded over on FF - explored Sasuke's mental state a LOT. Granted, it was written long before the end of canon, and it varies quite a bit that way. And...there's some things about it, looking back now, that leave a bad taste in my mouth. But I DO still like how in-depth the author got into Sasuke's trauma and mental state.      I wanted to do some of that here, but...just not enough time / energy ^^; Maybe another time. But I AM glad I got to - at least in part - have Sasuke talk about how he saw his team's treatment of him. It's something I could write about for days: how they never actually were his friends, and simply felt entitled to him when he really wanted nothing to do with ANYONE due to his narrow focus and goals. Sakura's shallow feelings are, imo, obvious. And Naruto always just beating Sasuke's butt whenever they disagreed just...reallllly makes me mad. Hence honestly disliking when they're written buddy-buddy...and WAY more so when people ship them. Just...I can't see anything but Naruto's abuse of Sasuke ^^; At least in my interpretation, and everyone's is different~      But WOW I'm rambling - can you tell I'm tired? I should meta another time xD For now, bed. And as always, thanks for reading!

[sheweapon]

                                THE WHOLE FUCKING FIRE.

                                            bellatrix hecate lestrange.                                                          thirty four. head of the                                                         department of magical                                                    accidents and catastrophes.                                            + daring, passionate, ambitious, clever.                                             - sadistic, two faced, cruel, unstable.                                                                death eater.

PINTEREST BOARD: (x)

PLAYLISTS: (x) (x) (x)

QUICK STATS:

name: bellatrix hecate lestrange occupation: head of the department of magical accidents and catastrophes. former house: slytherin. date of birth: december 23. age: 34.

BIRTH AND EARLY YEARS:

So. It’s a cold December night, right before Christmas, and the Black mansion is shaken by blood curdling screams. It’s the kind that leaves you breathless, shivers running down your spine, leaving you with the sense that something is very, very wrong. Which, Druella Black fears that it very well might be —- because her (expected) son is four weeks early.

The birth is excruciatingly long and difficult for poor, poor Druella, but when the clock strikes eleven on the night before Christmas, a girl comes crashing into the world. She’s not what they expect, nor what they want, and she never cries — instead, she just watches them with those big black eyes that always seem to be appraising something.

-

Though Bellatrix’s birth was mostly an unwelcome surprise ( she came too early, and it was no secret that her parents had hoped for a boy ), she was also the first child to carry on the Black legacy, which was an honor. A necessity.

As a baby, she was small and meager. Nurses whispered about the Black baby that could barely muster a scream, that seemed so frail. Like she might break at any second. But that memory would soon fade and be replaced by a much more unpleasant one - because Bellatrix’s bones hardened, her skin thickened, her eyes grew meaner. Within a few years, any trace of that soft baby was gone, and instead, a cruel toddler took her place.

As a child, Bella was vicious. Biting, clawing, screaming and cursing were things she picked up fast, and she’d terrorize the other kids at the playground ( with an almost scary aim for her muggle born / half blood peers ).

Once she reached the age of seven, she calmed down a bit, and instead started following her father around ( and was lovingly referred to as his ‘little shadow’ ). Eager to prove herself, she learned everything that a son of Cygnus would have learnt. She was determined to show her father that being a girl would not stop her from becoming worthy of the Black throne, to carry his name with pride. Over the years of her childhood and adolescence, Bellatrix forged herself into the golden girl, a respectable heir in the making. Desperate to wear the crown.

Under her father’s influence, uncontrollable rage was switched in for an eerie quietness, anger instead boiling right below the surface, just waiting to be unleashed. She was so eager to please, to sculpt herself into whatever he wanted, so she suppressed her emotions the best she could, even though it never felt natural. And so, the nurses whispered again, but this time, it was about her sweet, sweet smile, matched with those mean, mean eyes. ‘Doesn’t it look distorted? Like that damn Cheshire cat. Something’s not right about that girl, I’m telling you. She came out wrong’.

Behind closed doors, Cygnus also encouraged Bella’s darker side. Introduced her to the dark arts and the chaos that she would later come to love so desperately.

Most of her childhood was characterized by harsh words, strict rules and high expectations. Her family’s reputation weighed heavy on her shoulders, constantly pressuring her to excel. Luckily, she shared her parents’ ambition and values, and had no problems conforming to their rule. Which also meant that she could get away with much else. As long as she remained the golden girl, Bellatrix could run wild and free.

HOGWARTS YEARS:

Bellatrix had been duly prepped before arriving at Hogwarts. She was the first of their children to walk the halls, so it was important to both Druella and Cygnus that Bellatrix knew how to behave. Who to fraternize with. Who to avoid. Who was worthy of her time. Her parents had also made sure that she already had the appropriate friends — and play dates with other pureblood kids were a common occurrence when Bellatrix was younger.

At school, Bellatrix was popular —- the resident cool girl. The type of girl that hardly ever objects to anything, because she is always down to have a good time. The type of girl that loves Quidditch, dirty jokes and cheap beer. The type of girl that hides her true colors, at least for a while. Until she explodes.

So Bella kept out of trouble, for the most part. There were a couple…. incidents, with muggleborns. One or two may have been turned into rats and toads ( under the guise of it being a joke — can’t you take a joke, come on now? ). More serious things have been strictly forgotten by everyone involved. Powerful parents will do the trick. Mostly though, Bellatrix kept to her fellow Slytherins… biding her time. Waiting to strike.

She played for the Slytherin Quidditch team, as a beater, and was eventually made captain ( nothing less for a child of Cygnus, she must excel ). During her time on the team, she was notorious for her cruel playing style, her foul tricks, the constant smirk on her lips as other players fell to the ground.

And during her sixth year, she was eventually recruited into the Death Eaters. And with them, she found a second home, quickly rising through the ranks.

AFTER HOGWARTS:

After graduating from Hogwarts, Bellatrix took a year off from her studies. The official reason was that she needed to “find herself”. Whatever the fuck that meant. Obviously, it was a lie to hide what she was really up to. In reality, Bellatrix was at Voldemort’s side, learning leglilimency and occlumency, all the while developing her dark magic and her shitty personality.

Quickly became Voldemort’s personal attack dog, always willing to do his bidding, no questions asked.

At the age of nineteen, Bellatrix found work as an obliviator. Though the choice had ultimately been hers to make, the dark lord was always whispering in her ear, encouraging her to infiltrate the ministry. The goal was to have sleeper agents of death eaters in every department once it was time to go to war. It also helped that becoming an oblivator just made sense — fucking with the minds of muggles could already be counted as a hobby (albeit a twisted one), and she had always been good at taking things that didn’t belong to her… Memories would be no different.

Became a senior obliviator at twenty five, which was early, but still not early enough for her, you feel.

And so, at the age of thirty two, Bellatrix came to find herself as the head of the department of magical accidents and catastrophes. There, she got another taste of the power that drives her, that maddens her.

She is genuinely good at her job - even though she’s totally corrupt and obviously does most things in the interest of the death eaters.

Will occasionally throw pureblood galas, but isn’t too invested in them. They’re just for show.

Among the Death Eaters, Bellatrix is in the inner circle. She considers herself the dark lord’s right hand, and prides herself on being his most loyal servant.

Bellatrix also has a pet snake, lovingly named Medusa. We love her.

PERSONALITY:

First of all - Bellatrix is a fucking shit show and we all know this.

She is like night and day —– and her temper switches incredibly quickly, which makes her unpredictable, a little scary. She can go from the girl her family forced her to be - the Socialite, the Sophisticated Woman, the Cool Girl, to something far more sinister in the matter of minutes. Sometimes less.

When she’s at her worst, Bellatrix is cruel, sadistic, self righteous, impulsive, angry as hell, deranged, unstable, manipulative, a little bit unhinged, ruthless, playful, childish and absolutely lethal. It’s always brewing right below, so close to the surface, just waiting to come out.

But she’s also calculating, clever, quick on her feet, intensely passionate, fiercely loyal (until she’s… not), adaptable, intuitive and assertive.

Bella often contradicts herself — she has grown up believing that it’s best to be cold and devoid of emotions (#thanks dad), but she’s a highly emotional person by nature. She tries to suppress that as best as she can, but she usually boils over pretty fast. Other emotions are usually translated into anger as well, so that’s fun. I think the best way to describe her is that she’s just fire, always burning hot or cold.

Voldemort’s influence on her is also really important!! His influence poisons her mind, her soul, her heart. The darkness that was already there is amplified, becomes a thousand times worse. Though already a skilled witch, he introduced her to magic she could only have dreamed of — and that power became corruptive, addictive. For power, Bella would gladly pay the steep price of sacrificing her soul, her humanity.

Bellatrix really does think that she is in the right.

Also probably thinks that she’s better than everyone else at all times. There’s definitively an air of arrogance surrounding her.

Mrs Lestrange thinks that she’s invincible, and likes walking a little too close to the cliff’s edge ( playing with fire ). Will occasionally drop hints that she COULD be a death eater, but never goes too far with it. And if someone suggests that she is one, she acts like that’s absolutely outrageous. How dare you imply that I am affiliated with anything… !

Okay so, I am convinced that Bellatrix doesn’t reach peak evil + instability until after Voldemort’s fall and Azkaban, so I’m really trying to tone her down a bit and give the influence of her upbringing ( + her nature ) a bigger role in the person that she becomes. Hence why she is a little better at hiding her true colors, a little more refined. : ~ ) Though, she’s still the hammer ( doesn’t have the most finesse, mostly just likes getting things done, her technique isn’t exactly intricate, but ALWAYS effective ).

Even if most people probably don’t know that she’s a death eater ( though some probably suspect lbr ), she has a very intimidating presence. That’s her brand. And she still has that Weird Aura about her, like there is something that isn’t quite right, so that could also weird people out.

STYLE / FASHION / APPEARANCE:

Bellatrix has jet black eyes and the hair to match. It falls in soft curls over her shoulders, down her back.

Usually wears dark red lipstick.

She hides her dark mark with a concealment spell while out in public.

Dresses mostly in black. Has to wear clothes that can fit into the muggle world while at work, occasionally, while out and about. While there, she wears a well worn leather jacket ( with shoulder pads, in true 70s style, we love a style icon ), and wide, black pants.

Files her nails into long claws, and paints them black.

Is tall. Likes towering over people.

Her cheekbones could cut a bitch.

AESTHETICS / VIBES:

black dresses, whispered hexes, broken champagne glasses, the calm before the storm, bullets caught between teeth, a constant paradox, skin stained black and blue, a devilish grin, ‘is that wine or blood on your carpet?’, snakes wrapped around wrists, mean eyes, always running hot and cold, a cheshire cat’s smile, soft laughter as the light leaves your eyes, divine violence, a taste of the approaching revolution / the new world order, quiet desperation, family heirlooms, unwavering loyalty, sudden fits of rage, emerald lockets, double lives, ‘would you still like me with my hands around your neck?’, no conscience, silent promises, taunting you with her very last breath, the hardest of hearts, dried blood on expensive clothes and a quiet conviction that this will all make sense in the end.

CHARACTER INFLUENCES:

amy dunne ( gone girl )

jamie moriarty ( elementary )

glory / glorificus ( btvs )

villanelle ( killing eve )

jennifer blake ( teen wolf )

klaus mikaelson ( tvd )

kilgrave ( jessica jones )

lilith ( supernatural )

drusilla ( btvs )

helena ( orphan black )

faith lehane ( btvs )

mazikeen ( lucifer )

FAVORITE CHARACTER TROPES:

SLASHER SMILE - a smile in anticipation of pain or death // a cheshire cat grin.

THE DRAGON - a monster the hero has to get past to get at the big bad. the top enforcer.

TORTURE TECHNICIAN -  takes the heroes and turn them into screaming, shinned shambles.

LADY MACBETH - frequently more crazy than her husband, quite the sociopath, in the business of turning men towards evil.

EVIL WEARS BLACK - duh.

DISSONANT SERENITY - someone smiling gently in the middle of death and carnage, seeming almost enlightened as they slit throats left and right.

THE BERSERKER - throws herself into battle with such reckless abandon, that it seems like she wants to die. never, ever retreats.

THE BARONESS - a female baddie with a chilly disposition and more than a touch of the dominatrix about her.

WICKED CULTURED - evil is intellectual // basically an evil aristocrat.

THE CHESSMASTER - thinking three moves ahead at all times. manipulating, planning, plotting.

DADDY’S LITTLE VILLAIN - shares dark father’s ambitions.

BERSERK BUTTON - always ready to fucking snap.

SOFT SPOKEN SADIST - occasionally. a monster who might describe just how horribly she’s going to mangle you, while speaking in a voice that’s anything but monstrous.

DARK ACTION GIRL - likes beating the hero to a bloody pulp. good at it too.

AMBITION IS EVIL - has grand plans. ends justify the means, always.

[ubourgeois]

Top 30 Films of 2018

I’m actually getting one of these out at a fairly reasonable time! I’m a champion.

Compared to last year, I would say 2018 had fewer films that I really loved, that shook me and immediately registered as important - but also, more films that have grown on me over time, that were clever and inventive in ways that convince me to look past their shortcomings (or reevaluate if they are shortcomings at all). Plenty of odd, perhaps imperfect movies made it far up the list, and I think I ended up privileging that weird streak more than usual this year. But hopefully that makes for interesting reading here.

I found making this list that a couple of the big arthousey hits of the year (Eighth Grade, Burning, The Rider, and others) ended up slipping into the basement of the top 50. Keep an eye out for a rejoinder post following this in a couple days where I hash out my thoughts on those. For now, top 30 after the jump:

30. Unsane dir. Steven Soderbergh

Remember when Tangerine came out and everyone was like, “wow I can’t believe this was shot on an iPhone” and it was a whole thing? Well, I can believe that Unsane was shot on an iPhone, and that’s really for the better. Ever the innovator, Soderbergh follows Sean Baker’s lead by taking full advantage of the logistical advantages and distinctive appearances of iPhone-shot footage, putting together a film that uses its hardware not as a flashy obstacle to be overcome but as a driver of its look and feel, proving at least for now that mobile-shot films are viable (though we’ll see how his next one turns out). The film itself is good too - Claire Foy gives a wonderfully prickly performance, and the claustrophobic visuals make for a great psychological thriller.

29. Cold War dir. Paweł Pawlikowski

Expanding on the aesthetic territory he explored with Ida, Pawlikowski brings another black & white, Polish-language period piece about identities split between different (religious, political) worlds. Cold War is the more complicated and perhaps less focused film, but also the more alluring one, with a luscious love story, incredible music (Łojojoj...), and great, showy performances from Joanna Kulig and Tomasz Kot. In other words, it’s luxurious, romantic Euro-arthouse fare. Probably best watched with a full glass of wine in hand.

28. Ready Player One dir. Steven Spielberg

A film that many accused of “pandering” to audiences for its many blink-and-you’ll-miss-it nods to 80s nostalgia and gaming culture, Ready Player One was on the contrary seemingly uninterested in anything of the sort. It managed to accomplish something more meaningful by packing the film so dense with nerd-bait that it becomes just texture and noise - Tracer popping up in the background of random scenes ends up being less of Overwatch reference and more of a piece of plausible set dressing in a VR social media hub. This contributed to RPO being not only a technically impressive but a visually overwhelming effects film, packaged around a seemingly knowing 80s blockbuster pastiche (the story, the character types, even the music cues were too old-fashioned to be on purpose). A film both smarter and easier to like than the discourse around it suggested.

27. Widows dir. Steve McQueen

I do really wish that McQueen would go back to making demanding, brutal films like Hunger, but if he simply has to become a commercial filmmaker I guess I don’t mind this. Surely the ensemble film of the year, with the entire cast firing on all cylinders - Daniel Kaluuya as the sadistic enforcer/campaign manager in particular impresses, though naturally Viola Davis, Elizabeth Debicki, Cynthia Erivo, and even Colin Farrell make for compelling characters in this twisty, nervy heist film. The action scenes are all impressively mounted (if a bit few and far between) and there are enough McQueen-esque florishes to keep things interesting in the interim (that long car scene!). Great moody popcorn stuff.

26. An Elephant Sitting Still dir. Hu Bo

Elephant has gotten a lot of press for two reasons: its nearly four-hour length and its director’s untimely death shortly after its completion. The length is important because it beats you into submission, forcing you to accept its rhythm and smothering you in tight focus on its main characters until you feel like it’s your own POV (I wasn’t really into it until, uh, the two hour mark, but then somehow I was hooked). Hu Bo’s death is important because knowing that, the sensation of being trapped, pressured, and disoriented by the Current State of China (ever the popular subject matter) feels all the more palpable and, maybe unfortunately, grants the film some extra layer of authority, or at least urgency. If I ever have the time or energy, I would love to revisit this film - I expect it will one day be seen as a landmark.

25. Make Me Up dir. Rachel Maclean

A bizarre little bit of sugary pop-feminist techno-dystopia, pulling off a sort of cinematic cousin to vaporwave by way of Eve Ensler. What unfolds is pretty insane, involving dance numbers, incomprehensible lectures on dodgy gender politics, and sets that look pulled out from a cheap children’s TV show. It’s definitely a marmite film - how well you connect with this will depend heavily on your tolerance for clearly-fake CG, well-trodden feminist talking points, and pastels - but for those with the appetite for this brand of political kitsch then this is just about the best version of itself imaginable. 

24. Liz and the Blue Bird dir. Naoko Yamada

Naoko Yamada out Naoko Yamada-s herself. A standalone spinoff of Hibike! Euphonium that focuses on members of the secondary cast, Liz makes good on the sensitive, subtly-executed love story that the show ultimately failed to produce (not quite Adolescence of Utena-tier course correction, but we’ll take it). This is a film propelled by the tiniest gestures - a hand tensing behind the back, a nervous flicker of the eye, a cheerful bounce in the step - in that way animation can provide that seems not incidental but hugely, blatantly filled with meaning. While A Silent Voice was a great breakthrough for Yamada as an “original” feature, it’s Liz that feels like the more mature film, and a promising indicator for what lies ahead.

23. Sew the Winter to My Skin dir. Jahmil X.T. Qubeka

Maybe the most surprising film of the year is this, an action-biopic about John Kepe, a South African Robin Hood figure, that almost entirely eschews spoken dialogue in favor of visual storytelling, physical acting, and clever audio design. But this is not some pretentious, austere arthouse film substituting gimmicks for actual character; Sew the Winter to My Skin is an engaging, fascinating, and unexpectedly accessible historical epic, prioritizing mythic bigness over simple recitation of fact. While it demands some patience at first (with no dialogue, it takes a bit for the film to properly introduce its cast), it quickly shows itself to be an inventive, exciting, and occasionally funny adventure that proves Qubeka as a truly exciting voice in South African cinema.

22. Mom and Dad dir. Brian Taylor

Forget Mandy, THIS is the crazy Nic Cage movie of the year. A slick, rapid-fire horror comedy that feels almost like a music video at points, Mom and Dad has what’s surely Cage’s best unhinged performance in years as well as a great, more restrained turn by Selma Blair. The violence is ludicrous, the premise is nutty, and the sense of humor is utterly sick - that the film manages to squeeze out a surprisingly coherent commentary on suburban family life on top of this is a minor miracle (a scene where Cage destroys a pool table proves strangely thoughtful). For all the broadly acclaimed “serious” horror films in recent years, like this year’s kind of boring Hereditary, groan-filled A Quiet Place, and mostly incoherent Suspiria, I more appreciate this breed of deranged, funny, and tightly focused effort. It doesn’t need to be that deep.

21. Good Manners dir. Marco Dutra, Juliana Rojas

I’m going to mark this write-up with a **spoiler warning**, as I think it’s basically impossible to talk about this film without giving the game away. Good Manners has one of the best genre switcheroos in recent years, starting off as a proper Brazilian class drama (think Kleber Mendonça Filho) with a lesbian twist before explosively transforming into a horror movie that reveals a hidden monster-coming-of-age story that’s nearly unrecognizable as the same film from an hour before. As delightful as this bit of narrative sleight of hand is, it can’t justify a good film alone, which is where the great lead performance by Isabél Zuaa and the mesermizing, inventive matte paintings of the São Paulo skyline come into play, making this fantastical, genre-bending film a true original of the year.

20. The Miseducation of Cameron Post dir. Desiree Akhavan

There’s a tendency in the queer teen film genre to sometimes drift towards miserablist portrayals of growing up; to emphasize the hardship, nonunderstanding, and isolation to the expense of other experiences. Cameron Post manages to avoid this path even as it explores the dreadful premise of life in a conversion camp by balancing the solidarity, humor, and defiant joy hidden along the edges of the camp experience with the cruel, dehumanizing nature of the place. The film works, then, not only as a statement against conversion therapy and the real harm it does to all participants, but also as a lively, triumphant teen movie that feels more powerful than the lazy, doom-and-gloom approach.

19. Minding the Gap dir. Bing Liu

Few films capture the particular small city Midwest atmosphere quite like this one, a very raw documentary that feels very much like the first feature it is - but in a good way. Cut together from years of Liu’s amateur footage as well as new material of its subjects (the director and two of his old friends), a documentary that at first seems to be about the local skateboarding culture stretches out to many other topics: domestic violence, race relations, middle-American economic anxiety. The film, perhaps because of its closeness to the director and his relative inexperience, manages to take on a quick-moving scattershot approach, weaving stream-of-consciousness from one topic to the next, while still giving each the time and weight it deserves. 

18. The Green Fog dir. Evan Johnson, Galen Johnson, Guy Maddin

A hard film to sum up, though at its heart not a terribly complicated one. Ostensibly a very loose reconstruction of Vertigo using clips from other material shot in San Francisco, from The Conversation to San Andreas to Murder, She Wrote, this new, uh, thing from Maddin and the Johnsons is a short, sweet, and really quite funny collage less interested in slavishly reenacting its inspiration than making funny jokes with movie clips. Some highlights include Rock Hudson carefully watching an *NSYNC music video on a tiny screen, a long sequence admiring Chuck Norris’ face that doesn’t seem to match any particular part of Vertigo, and a number of scenes of dialogue with all the speech cut out, leaving only awkward pauses and mouth noises. It’s high art!

17. Sorry to Bother You dir. Boots Riley

Boots Riley’s transition from long-standing underrated rapper to breakout auteur has been wild to witness. Sorry to Bother You is certainly one of 2018′s most original and distinctive films (what other film is it like, exactly?), and any complaints about unsubtle politics or overpacked narrative can be easily counterbalanced with the film’s sheer verve and oddball energy. Like Widows, it’s another of the great ensemble pieces of the year - Lakeith Stanfield and Tess Thompson are great as usual, and of the supporting cast Armie Hammer emerges as the standout with an incredibly funny halfway-villainous turn, plus a great bit of voice casting with David Cross. Leading candidate for this year’s Film of the Moment.

16. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse dir. Robert Persichetti Jr., Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman

The problem with comic book movies a lot of the time is that they’re somehow too embarrassed to own their source material. Into the Spider-Verse succeeds because it emphatically embraces its roots, not only visually (the cel shading, impact lines, and even text boxes that make up the film’s look) but also narratively, by adopting the multiverse concept in earnest and milking it for comedic and dramatic effect. It’s an incredibly innovative (not to mention gorgeous) animated film that not only raises the standard but expands the scope of superhero films, giving new hope to a genre that has been stuck spinning its wheels for years. Plus, it has probably the only post-credits scene actually worth the effort, which is a very special sort of victory.

15. Museo dir. Alonso Ruizpalacios

A playful, thoughtful heist film that gets the actual heist out of the way as soon as possible. Two suburban twenty-somethings pull off a daring robbery of Mayan artifacts from the National Museum of Anthropology in Mexico City, then set off on an ill-fated roadtrip to fence the goods. There’s a certain magic to this film, in its approach that is at once totally reverent and mythologizing but also eager to take the piss out of everything (the recurring motif of Revueltas’ The Night of the Mayas suite does both), and in how it turns this story into something of a love letter to the history and geography of Mexico. Very mature, well-balanced filmmaking in Ruizpalacios’ second feature.

14. BlacKkKlansman dir. Spike Lee

The best Spike Lee joint in a long, long time. It taps into the freewheeling, confrontational energy of his best work, but almost as a career victory lap as he makes a game out of outfoxing Klan members. There’s plenty of humor and tension here, with a great, dry leading duo in John David Washington and Adam Driver, and a funny turn from Topher Grace (!) as David Duke. Even if it does play it a bit safe with an easy target and wraps up a bit too easily (a quick flash-forward to Charlottesville as a postscript notwithstanding), it should be fine, I think, for a film to indulge in the simple pleasure of overcoming obvious villains in a glorious fashion. For all the recent films that give nuanced and serious takes on racism in America, one ought to be about the joy of blowing up the KKK.

13. Mirai dir. Mamoru Hosoda

Since he’s started making original features, Hosoda has been taken with relatively high-concept storylines, from his “debut” The Girl Who Leapt Through Time to Wolf Children, but Mirai is certainly his most ambitious yet. Nearly every choice about the film is a bit weird: from the unusual, compact layout of Kun’s home to Kun’s very believable, nearly alienating (to an older audience) childish behavior to the simply bizarre logistics and metaphysics of Kun’s fantastic adventures. The time- and space-travel antics Kun and Mirai get up to never seem entirely literal or entirely imagined, somewhere between childish fable and psychological sci-fi, a mixture that culminates in a surprisingly existential climax for an unabashed children’s film. After the quite safe The Boy and the Beast, it’s exciting to see Hosoda branch out into such a complicated and strange project, certainly the most daring animated feature of the year.

12. Support the Girls dir. Andrew Bujalski

A bubbly, sensitive, and lightly anarchic workplace comedy in that most essential of American institutions: the Hooters-flavored sports bar off the highway. Bujalski continues to prove himself an observant and funny writer, putting together a fascinating ensemble of characters brought to life by a perfectly-cast ensemble (Regina Hall is flawless as advertised, and Haley Lu Richardson brings us one of the most adorable characters in cinema). I don’t think I’ve seen a more charming film about workers’ solidarity and the lively communities that find their niche in liminal spaces. 

11. First Reformed dir. Paul Schrader

Edgy priests are in a certain way low-hanging fruit; the tension is automatic, the contradiction inherently compelling. It’s a lazy symbol that can be milked for cheap profundity when employed, if you will, in bad faith. That’s why it’s so important that First Reformed, for all of its alcoholic, violent, libidinous angst packed into Ethan Hawke’s (masterfully interpreted) character, is also a great, genuine film about faith besides. It’s a Revelations film if I’ve ever seen one, about facing down the apocalypse with no way of understanding God’s plan, about living on the precipice of a collapse of belief, about accepting mystery. It’s the only film I saw this year that communicated actual dread, but even then still, somehow, bizarrely hopeful. 

10. Birds of Passage dir. Cristina Gallego, Ciro Guerra

Ciro Guerra (now with partner Cristina Gallego co-directing) follows up the excellent Embrace of the Serpent with another powerful portrait of an indigenous community that, under the pressure of colonial influence, gradually devours itself. In the new film, however, this takes the form of a traditional gangster film, from the humble beginnings and runaway success to the explosions of violence and crumbling of an empire. Birds of Passage shows the origins of the Colombian drug trade with the native Wayuu people (a counterpoint, Gallego explains, to the much-celebrated Pablo Escobar narrative), and in doing so still finds room to organically and respectfully depict the traditions of the Wayuu, as well as showcase their beautiful language, which makes up much of the film’s dialogue. Best film in the genre since at least Carlos. 

09. The Favourite dir. Yorgos Lanthimos

Though I really admire Dogtooth, I’ve found myself increasingly disappointed in Lanthimos’ output since that film. Alps was fine but clearly minor; The Lobster started strong but fizzled out; Killing of a Sacred Deer was ultimately too self-consciously bizarre. With The Favourite, we’re finally back in exciting, unsettlingly weird territory, Yorgos having found that his very mannered style of English dialogue works superbly in a costume drama context. He also gets great, uncharacteristically emotive performances (compared to, say, the last two Colin Farrell outings) out of his central trio of Olivia Colman, Rachel Weisz, and Emma Stone, with especially great work coming from Stone, who I think has discovered that all of her best roles take full advantage of the fact that she looks like a cartoon character. It’s wonderfully perverse, incredibly funny stuff, with one of the great, inexplicable endings of the year - fair to call it a Buñuel revival.

08. Bisbee ‘17 dir. Robert Greene

A documentary that tackles a shocking forgotten chapter in American labor history - a group of strikers deported from their mining town and left for dead in the desert - as well as the potential of historical reenactment to act as communal therapy. Greene moves a bit sideways from his usual performance-centric subject matter to show a different kind of performance meant not to affect the audience but the performers themselves, breaking through decades of near-silence on Bisbee’s tumultuous small town history. It’s also a remarkably multi-faceted film; though it would certainly be easy to side fully with the strikers, Greene makes sure to document the perspectives of current Bisbee citizens who sympathize with or even celebrate the decision to deport, complicating the emotions and politics of the reenactment in genuinely interesting ways. A powerful, important documentary.

07. Asako I & II dir. Ryusuke Hamaguchi

Unwieldy and annoying English title aside (especially considering all the possible translations of Netemo Sametemo), Asako seems on the surface like nothing more than a cheap TV romance. It hits many of the same beats and adopts much of the visual style associated with this vein of visual media, particularly in the music video-esque, almost-supernatural meet-cute that opens the film. But hidden beneath these affectations is a shockingly cold un-romance, a story with an inevitable bad end that you’re tricked into thinking might not come to pass. By employing so many stylistic and even verbal cliches, Hamaguchi reveals how these internalized these storytelling devices are, and how they not only can’t prepare us for the complications of actual relationships, but even shift our expectations away from reality. It’s an absolute gut-punch of a film, covered in a seductively sweet carapace. 

06. Sweet Country dir. Warwick Thornton

In a fairly large shift from his previous Samson and Delilah, Thornton has put together one of the best and most unusual Westerns in recent years. Featuring great, earthy performances from its nonprofessional cast (plus a bit of Sam Neill and Bryan Brown for good measure) and a weird, almost Malicky flash-forward structure, the film explores a not-widely-depicted history of exploitation of indigenous Australians. It’s a sad film, showing a fairly exciting lead-up to a somewhat deflating moment of unjust violence - but of course, many of the best Westerns aren’t about good triumphing, either. It’s the film on this list that most grew on me over the course of the year, having not impressed me at first but then blowing me away on a second viewing. 

05. Leave No Trace dir. Debra Granik

For all the buzz surrounding Winter’s Bone - a film that still holds up after so many years - it’s a bit surprising that it took Granik eight years to put out a follow-up, but I guess it’s worth the wait. Unlike Bone, Leave No Trace is a kind, gentle film, leaving behind the edgy Ozarkian drama of its predecessor for a similar but more forgiving setting of woodland communities in the Pacific Northwest. It initially seduces you with Ben Foster’s outdoorsy survivalist lifestyle, cut off by seemingly uncaring state officials, but gradually revealing, through the second thoughts of his daughter (Thomasin McKenzie, in a shall we say Lawrencian turn), the downsides and flawed motivations for their lifestyle choice. It’s a quiet and thoughtful film, melancholy and optimistic in equal measure. Makes one hope Granik can get another project off the ground sooner. 

04. Roma dir. Alfonso Cuarón

I mean, what else can we say about Roma? It’s about as good as claimed, beautifully shot, framed, written, acted, whatever. It’s at its best, sort of ironically, when Cuarón breaks up the quiet personal drama for some of his characteristic action-y set pieces (a Children of Men-esque protest sequence and the climax on the beach are particularly memorable), but he also shows his talent in handling relatively uneventful family scenes, using the layout of the house to facilitate some surprisingly interesting camera movements. I’m happy that Cuarón, who could easily transition into a more boring prestige Hollywood filmmaker if he so chose, is using his industry clout to pull together neat little films like this. 

03. The Old Man & the Gun dir. David Lowery

What a completely pleasant film. A film that walks a dangerous tightrope - one of nostalgia, roguish charm, and incessant aw-shucks optimism - that can easily fall into twee, navel-gazing hell, but that miraculously pulls it off, resulting in a genuinely spirit-lifting character study of an almost folkloric figure. Robert Redford’s good in this, but of course he is - that’s the whole point. Perhaps more appropriate to say that this film is good for Robert Redford, that it rises to the occasion of celebrating his career in full and pulls it off without appearing trite or disposable. As good a (reportedly) final outing as anyone could ask for.

02. I Do Not Care If We Go Down in History as Barbarians dir. Radu Jude

A nearly three-hour, densely conversational, nakedly didactic examination of the historical effects and contemporary sources of fascism and ethnic nationalism that somehow flies right by. Radu Jude, a relative latecomer to Romanian cinema’s rise to international prominence, makes a strong argument for being his country’s best and most important filmmaker, taking on complicated, controversial, and infrequently discussed subject matter about Romania’s troubled past. If you can get past Barbarians’ sort of user-unfriendly exterior (Iona Iacob opens the film by introducing herself and explaining her character, which tells you the sort of thing you’re getting into), it should prove to be a remarkably stimulating and even fiendishly funny ride. 

01. Shoplifters dir. Hirokazu Koreeda

If you’ve spent the ten years since Still Walking wondering what exactly Koreeda is trying to do anymore, then this is your answer. He’s spent most of the last decade pumping out the same nonconventional family drama over and over again (everything from I Wish to After the Storm, at least) so he could hone his skills like a weapon and create the perfect, ultimate version. With a pitch-perfect cast (Koreeda regulars Lily Franky and Kirin Kiki are the standouts, but Sakura Ando, Mayu Matsuoka, and the two child actors more than hold their own), and probably the perfect expression of the chosen family, spots and all, that has consumed much of Koreeda’s career, Shoplifters is one of its director’s career-best films, showcasing all of his talent for depicting delicate, intimate moments and bringing smart, complex ideas to seemingly straightforward premises. The most exciting Palme d’Or winner in years and easily the best film of 2018.