#all of these apply to me 👍
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The absolute biggest thing I've learned as a trans guy: there is nothing more masculine and manly than not caring about looking or acting masculine or manly. Growing your masculinity or manhood takes time and care - you have no obligation to let the world water your garden when you can do that just fine (and you can, even if it doesn't feel like you can!)
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#trans advice#got a stereotypically 'feminine/woman' piercing and. i feel like a man *inverted shania twain riff from man! i feel like a woman*#nothing affirms my manhood more than not caring about the genuinely toxic imaginings that the world has about manhood and men like me 👍#yes it can be a struggle ESPECIALLY if you're somebody who actively has to defend your masculinity/manhood...#...it's hard for me too sometimes. i had to not only build my manhood but jealously defend it from the 'phobes...#...but i am all the better for it because this is MINE. i have never truly owned something in this way...#...i don't own other people nor my cats nor even my material possessions - not in the way i own my manhood...#...i own it like a tiger owns his territory and i defend it similarly...#...i do not WANT to own my loved ones or possessions the same as i own my manhood and masculinity. this is special to me#my manhood was *made* for me to be owned anyway. i feel that applies to every trans person who hasn't felt able to own themselves#this is in the same vein as learning to cast aside the cissexist views of bodies&experiences that can make dysphoria worae
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A Guide On Lessening Yourself
(Or, What To Do Before They Cut You Open)
This guide has been created to prepare you for your upcoming procedure. Please read carefully and follow all directions in order to have the safest experience.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
- Do not eat. (Required; at least 3 hours before the procedure starts. No meats, no vegetables, no grains, and especially no fruits. Any remaining food that is being digested will get in the way.)
- Do not drink. (Required; at least 2 hours before the procedure starts. No water, soda, juice, soup, milk, coffee, or energy drinks. Any remaining fluids will get in the way.)
- Do not bleed. (Required; at least 1 month before the procedure. No paper cuts, nosebleeds, injuries or other form of your own blood leaving your body. Restriction of the expression of your mortality is imperative.)
- Do not dream. (Strongly suggested; at least 1 month before the procedure starts. No daydreams, no hopes, no wishes, no lifelong goals, and no nightmares. Avoid losing yourself within any fantastical trappings - these are the vestiges of a mortal mind.)
TIPS:
BEFORE
- Make sure to confirm your procedure date. Whether by checking online, asking your doctor, or praying, it's of utmost importance that you remember the specific time and day of your event.
- Make certain that this procedure is for you.
Though the process has already been scheduled, you still have options if you're unsure. Asking God or previous patients are the most authentic ways to learn about this process. Consider the benefits and consequences of the procedure as a whole - this will undoubtedly affect your life, but will it be more negative rather than positive? Will you be able to be happy again? If you are willing to accept such possibilities, continue on. Should you choose to, however, you may still opt out before the scheduled date by telling your doctor and/or healthcare provider.
DURING
- Make sure to arrive early to your procedure. Timeliness is key.
- Be flexible with your interviewers. Many angels are unfamiliar with human languages and may instead choose to communicate directly inside your mind. This may cause discomfort as well as the feeling of being stripped into nothingness. Don't panic and remember that you deserve a chance at holiness, regardless of your humanity.
- Be polite. Though your angel interviewers may have already visited Earth before, human customs are often difficult to adjust to. If an interviewer makes a social faux pas (such as revealing their true form), brush it off and continue the conversation as best you can.
- Be prepared for any questions regarding your past attachments, relationships, possessions, etc. If you've prepared well, you'll be able to answer with full honesty that you have left all possible remnants of humanity behind - that means no mistakes, no regrets, and no emotions.
- Should you pass the interview (you will be told after they have finished), be ready to experience anywhere from a small to large amount of pain. This experience usually lasts around 20 seconds, but some say it feels like an eternity of blinding, searing light. The scale of your pain will be a direct result of how successful you were at stripping away your humanity; the agony that follows will be the angels burning it off of you.
- Wait through the pain.
- Wait through the pain.
- Wait through the pain.
- Wait through the pain.
- Wait through the pain.
- Wait through the pain.
- Wait thought it.
- Wait through it.
- Wait
AFTER
- If you've successfully passed the interview, survived the procedure, and become an angel, congratulations! The following tips are only suggestions, but may help you in adjusting to your new existence.
- Avoid brightening your divine light too much at once. You'll quickly realize that your new eyes are far more adjusted to light than a human's, making the world appear dimmer than before.
- Avoid speaking out loud to others for the first few millenium, as this may cause harm if done incorrectly. Instead, practice "speaking" through the visual and audible expression of abstract concepts.
- Don't expect to visit Earth again. More often than not, angels avoid the human world (most say it's too painful to linger), so it's very unlikely that you'll return. Don't come back if you possibly can.
Finally, enjoy your new status as part of the divine. Not many people get to experience the feeling - you have made it! Please enjoy the rest of infinity.
#pig pens#pig originals#unreality#unreality tw#tw unreality#cw unreality#unreality cw#<- using all the tags i can possibly think of because this is formatted like a medical guide and like. HEAVILY plays with the idea of it#religion#<- also for filtering but less so#and also cause its so long ive hidden it under a readmore. tags warn you whats ahead 👍👍 i hope this makes sense and is slightly confusing#let me know if you have questions. i thought this up when i ws like#really fucken tired#going with my original title also! i like it even though it only half applies to the actual content. gg#anyways. haha
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I really wish Tumblr would make it so I don't have to see posts of people I have blocked😔
#pan rambles#As you all know I'm not comfy sharing f/os so I block and move on#But Tumblr sometimes still shows posts of them sometimes which is...Not ideal for me-#It makes me want to Avoid My Dash altogether-#And increases my urge of remaking this blog#(Also I should clarify that I'm not talking about a specific person when making this post)#(This applies as a general statement since I have multiple people blocked who I still see on my dash sometimes)#(And ofc I respect people who ship with f/os I'm not comfy sharing👍 I just won't engage at all for my personal comfort)#Anyways#On a lighter note bc today has not started off well#Uhhhh#Crushes am I right?#I've had a lot of those lately-#I should really make some crushed official at some point
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.~
#not a vent just a journal entry (feel free to scroll past; there is no snz here and this is also not that interesting)#realizing now that i never thought of myself as#someone whose absence would register to others in any other way than just neutral/detached recognition?#phrasing this really badly and i am truly going to delete this later bc it is embarrassing LOL#i think when i was young and posting all this fic into questionable places (the f*rum) i was like#(@ an unfinished work of mine) no way anyone could be bothered by these cliffhangers 👍 they can just imagine the ending#even though i would frequently be bothered by other people's cliffhangers. that exact same principle just wouldn't apply to me in my head#and when i did not respond to people i was like.. i'm sure i wasn't really an important part of their lives so they won't mind it#if i stepped away?#i never really entertained the concept of people missing me or looking forward to my responses 😭 i never thought of myself as someone worth#missing... so when i disappeared it was always with little to no sense of guilt. i think even now i struggle with#seeing myself as someone that inhabits like a tangible enough space in other people's lives that my absence would be felt#(and i don't mean that in a morbid way. and i do recognize that it's quite hypocritical)#on the flipside of things i frequently miss people and look forward to their responses. and sometimes i wonder like#do they all know? do they all know that i miss them because they somehow understand this aspect of human nature better than i do?#or are they in the dark like i am? are these things assumed or are they only known when they are said... 😭#i am a little bit of a coward so i am not saying anything (also because can you even say this kind of thing to someone??#i would probably die of embarrassment) but#how strange it is to have someone suddenly inhabit a space in your life that is substantial enough that#when they're gone you feel that space open up and you miss them#the few times in my life people have conveyed that sentiment to me i remember feeling puzzled that my presence could have that kind of#weight to them. i think my problem is that i purposefully do not read between the lines if the conclusion is something favorable towards me#because i don't want to bank on something good that might or might not be true 😭 anyways this is way too long already. if you read this#then good morning or goodnight
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wanna give me a run down of current jrwiblr events. i am offering a sketch in return for catching me up pretty please
I promise you literally nothing serious happened LMAO :-) lukas fizzfa(n)gs-colestyle is back on tumblr, and he posted a clip of the tmk just rolled argument from a little while back. Then we all started joking about the impending jrwi divorce, because the argument felt so real. It's all jokes, and we're just mocking the creators for fun. Which is noble and true btw. You should always make fun of the council its your moral imperative
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#we have mail :]#you HAVE to make fun of this podcast. please for the love of god 🙏🙏#anyway the only notable stuff that happened is: jokes about charlie's rpf girlfriend. which is real#jokes about bizly's well-documented commitment issues. which is real#jokes about grizzly applying to VA companies publicly. then getting rejected loudly.#+ his various past issues. which are all real#then Condifiction not doing anything wrong. so we put her on estrogen. which isnt real (sad!)
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so-called free thinkers when they see art highlighting ryoji and minato being mirror images...
#lizzy speaks#luca was right. the ryojiheads are throwing a party over that art. the tags are an absolute delight to me#god aren't artists so amazing and cool#i hope to strive to make work like that at some point!!!#there is nothing that makes me happier than seeing work that draws upon canon and highlights what one loves about the-#source material... like a tribute yknow#THIS APPLIES TO WRITERS TOO BTW THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY FICS THAT HAVE DONE THIS AND MAN#creative people. thank you for kicking me down a staircase. i always appreciate it#i would ramble more but i am in pursuit of getting a haircut 👍 hope you all have a splendid saturday or sunday wherever u are!
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Embarrassing: applying for a zine at all
SUPER embarrassing: applying for a zine at all when you don't have any pieces ready to showcase for that specific fandom. Like "hello, I love Blorbicus but unfortunately my best work is for showcasing Nacho Randy, hopefully my grammar and characterization shine through so you can see my skills! ... Oh you don't know who Nacho Randy is... Well hopefully my grammar still holds up. I promise I love Blorbicus please give me a chance"
#zines are always like “you don't need to submit content for this fandom but it's strongly recommended” for this exact reason#it just sucks when the stars won't align so you don't finish a good piece to apply with so you gotta apply with any of the dozens of other#things you got but they're all for wildly different fandoms. makes me always feel like a poser haha#“I promise I love this show I just couldn't finish anything good to submit with. which makes me look worse bc I'll NEED to submit something#for it for this zine at the deadline“#anyway don't actually let the embarrassment hold you back apply for whatever zine you want I believe in you 👍#not me I should let the embarrassment stop me
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do incels know women actually like being respected & treated like people. they looove to talk abt how "nice" they are when theyre only nice to get in someones pants, & as soon as being nice doesnt get them immediate sex they reveals their true colors & lash out. why do so many misogynists make guides on how to "get any women" when they very clearly do not like women or know what women like
i mean i know the reason is to prey on other insecure incels & give them false hope & milk them for money . but then the cycle continues bc they try to apply what theyve "learned" & it goes poorly & they keep blaming women bc they dont wanna admit they wasted their money being lied to by some guy online Claiming hes slept with over 50 women (but if a women sleeps with that many men its Bad)
#its funny bc incels listen to men who are are attractive to Them. they dont care abt what women find attractive#if a man is attractive by their own standards they assume All Women Ever feel the same#sorry im watching a video abt incels & its dumb & stupid#as a woman i actually love sad little losers. the more sad wet cat you are the better 👍#none of them ever say women are individuals & enjoy different things or that not everything they talk abt will apply#torch chatter#me when i complain
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Pride month is ovarrr but they arent <- lies
#eggpet er#electric remains osc#the og had eggpet w the agender flag and it applies..?#but the longer i looked at it the more i felt :[ abt it#too lazy to change it in the server bcuz then id have to explain things#and this is like. a fun trend and not rlly a place for me to get all wrapped up explaining eggpets identity and whatnot#cherrys butch tho 👍 cis butch 👍👍
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#polls#all of those apply to me yeah#my I am clinically insane and want to kill shirt is translated to portuguese#currently at the time of writing this i have 23.196 pics/vds on my phone#steven universe catapulted or at least sped up my english learning process which made me fluent and changed my life completely#and i am a woman that goes by finn 👍
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#thoughts from hel#so basically i submitted a cover letter with some highlighted text in random colors bc i forgot to unhighlight them before submitting#(i highlight things to remember to change them for each job app but i might have to deprecate that practice after this)#and then i realized and was like oh fuck and i was like well maybe i should just own it y'know. it's me being super innovative and creative#and also since i highlight stuff to change all the highlighted texts were the most relevant parts of the cover letter anyway#but the highlighting job was messy as hell after i dragged sentences to and fro all over it while i was formulating that thing. like#the highlighting started kind of in the middle of my sentence and had extra highlighted spaces and colors n stuff it was. haphazard.#so i was like okay. i probably can't gaslight (by sending psychic vibes to the recruiter-- since it's an online form#with no direct communication between me and them whatsoever) the recruiter into reasonably thinking this highlighting job#was on purpose. so i spent a full like TWO EXTRA HOURS spiraling into “can i submit the form twice or should i just take the L on this”#and ultimately submitted it a second time with the fixed letter. uhhh hopefully it was the fixed one but i'm too tired to care now#part of the job description was “attention to detail” so i definitely failed that one the first time around but the recruiter#who reads (hopefully. because with how saturated the job market is now they might not even do that) my apps#had BETTER see all the fucking attention to detail i paid to making sure my decision to resubmit would be a good one#telepathically. of course. (the difference between overthinking and attention to detail is how much you are appreciated)#i literally went on so many forums and the help page for the recruiting application website thing to find out how exactly they handled#duplicate applications bro i could RECITE this shit to anyone now. fuck#time to go to sleep. tomorrow is a new day. with ten+ more companies to apply to. 👍
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Basically what my past two weeks have amounted to
#these are all wips btw none are done. the cabinet just needs a paint touchup and new knobs#im going to be applying concrete to the chips in the steps as soon as we get a couple consecutive dry days#and the water stain on the wall/ceiling needs several more applications of joint compound and then paint 👍#forgot to take a pic after i cut away the old paint that sagged but that was very fun and satisfying#please please pleaseee someone tell me im sooooo masc. my mom called me butch and ive been a little devastated#butch would be a beautiful thing to be if i were a woman. alas. there is nothing butch about me#in spite of the transmasculine swag
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Omg also I injured my toenail while walking in a mall yesterday (like when you walk too close to someone + I was wearing open toed heels) and I tried walking it off but the pain wasn’t fully going away and honestly I was still pretty chill UNTIL I saw the blood. Then I sat down cried like a baby and called my mom
#I was with my dad too but I was like what does HE know get me a real doctor in here#But I was still fine ahha like I could walk and all#When we went home later I disinfected it and applied some medicine so all good 👍👍#Feels practically okay now but just needs to heal a bit more yk
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I should have been graduating but my parents fucked me over so they could take money from me lol lmao even
at least deep down I know that a degree doesn’t mean a single thing anymore and it’s just a filter for your resume to be auto rejected or have a 5% chance of being viewed by a real person
but yeah that filter hurts now. then again it seems like most jobs are fake posts now.
it’s over either way 😎
#basically what happened was: they forced me to go to college despite me having no real income#I had no way to get to class besides uber#then I ran out of cash and they refused to pay for transportation#so that led to me failing every class obviously cause I couldn’t even get to class#then I lost my financial aid which had been covering all my class fees#basically. they just wanted me to get to working full time while doing school and this was their way of doing it#so now im doing my classes at a snails pace so they could take the majority of my paycheck 👍👍#and im stuck paying for it all out of pocket now as I can’t get financial aid again#because to apply again I’d need legal documents proving there was some even that caused me to fail my classes#as well as requiring me to take more classes than my job will allow due to the schedule#yay parents am I right yay.#normal parents would have been like : ok you can work part time#or you know just provide the uber payment if you’re the one forcing me to. whatever man this was 4 years ago it’s over now
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can i pelease get. anything
#rn about to apply for residence permit like 👍👍👍👍👍 sure gonna happen now#why is everything dragging out so muchhhh lmao#my mom just said she lost her hope for me because i didnt hear anything back from any scholarship 😭😭😭#lmao well thank you for the encouragement#but like surely they would at least send a mail about me not getting accepted at least. right#man the interview went sooooo well imo ugh :/#the other one is so up in the air bc it's a waiting list but like. they told me i have a chance until like june#they wouldn't lie to ME would they 🥺🥺🥺#okay gotta do some serious stuff now bye#hopefully it will all be fine. : )#🗒
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