#all of it just kept getting worse and worse and it never stopped and i was never not alone and i'm so fucking tired
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
A Confession from the Heart of Suffering: An Unbearable Reality
I hope you read my confession, and thank you. This is the reality of all the people of Gaza.
Whenever I think of the life we used to have before the genocide, I have to struggle to hold my tears so I don't cause my children more pain than what they already feel. Our life, then, was neither easy nor perfect but it was full of warmth and the simple joy of being together under one roof .
We have never felt completely free because we have always been under a siege that has only gotten worse during this war but at least we felt somewhat safe and we had quite a decent life with the means that we were allowed.What kept us going was our belief that the future might be brighter one day.
Unfortunately, there seems to be no better tomorrow for us anymore. Nothing remains of our previous lives but rubble and memories, and the future is so bleak and full of uncertainties.It's not just the walls of our house that were turned into ruins, it's our hopes and dreams that were reduced to ashes. Now, we only dream of things that might seem so trivial to other people around the world like being able to sleep in and wake up in a comfortable bed or having a meal without standing for it in line for hours.
We dream of having enough clean drinking water so we don't have to worry about dying of thirst. We dream of the days we had a home with a regular kitchen and stove, the days we could celebrate special occasions with family in peace. Above all, we dream of not losing the people we love in a split second and of living safely and with dignity.
Instead, we have been wrongfully sentenced to a life of fear, displacement, and humiliation beyond belief. It is a living nightmare here now. Everything needed to ensure the bare minimum of decency and normalcy is denied to us. As you well know, there is no safe place in Gaza anymore and We are deprived of simple rights like having having a roof over our heads or enjoying some peace of mind for even one single day. The airstrikes and the buzzing of drones almost never stop. We live with a very real sense of impending doom day and night.
The water and food scarcity are only getting worse with time. Even regular chores like cooking or doing the laundry have become true challenges. I cannot propely bathe my children because the little water we get is polluted and their sensitive baby skin keeps getting irritated.
Before the war, my nine- year-old daughter was so picky about which outfits to wear; it made me laugh that she acted that way at her age but now we don't even have enough warm clothes for the winter. It kills me each time she says she doesn't need fancy clothes anymore and only wants to feel warm and go back to school. What makes it worse is our tent has recently been flooded by rain.
The whole camp turned into a swamp overnight. The children woke up soaked, shivering and terrified. It was almost impossible to calm them down as the rain kept pouring. We are doing our best but even if we succeed in finding the treatment, it's going to cost almost a fortune. This is why we need your support even more now.
All we do now is fight for survival every day. I never imagined,even in my darkest nightmares, that I would be searching high and low to put food in my children's mouths and keep them warm or that I would be begging the world to literally save their lives but I have no other choice now.
Despite the unbearable suffering we're daily going through, I still believe in humanity. please keep us in your prayers and help us anyway you can. Donate if you're able to,reblog and share our story as widely as you can.We are grateful to each and every one of you
Vetted by @bilal-salah0
7,464$ / 10,000$
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
katsuki is back in town, and he already regrets coming home for christmas this year.
now he’s standing in front of your house, holding a box of chocolates he thought you’d like. the kind you used to crave after long days together. he doesn’t even know if you still like them, if you even still think about those things he remembers so well. three years have passed, and yet here he is, feeling like a fool for every step that brought him to this moment.
he rubs the bridge of his nose, trying to push down the nerves. why is this so hard? what if he’s changed too much, and you don’t recognize anything familiar in him? or worse—what if you’ve changed, and he’s holding on to someone who doesn’t exist anymore?
he’d thought it ended on a good note. that’s what he told himself all those years ago. so why is he so afraid to see you now? why does it matter so much?
fuck it, he raises his hand, giving a quick knock on the door before he can talk himself out of it. but before he finishes, he hears movement from inside, and the door opens, catching him off guard.
“oh, fuck, you scared—”
it’s you. the words die in your throat, and for a moment, the world seems to stop. even the snowflakes look suspended in mid-air as you stare at each other. he opens his mouth, but only manages, “uh—hey, I, uh… sorry.”
your expression is unreadable. he used to know every glance, every little movement, every sigh. now, you’re a stranger, and it terrifies him. why can’t he read you anymore?
“katsuki, hey—” you finally say, and he hears that voice he’s kept buried in the back of his mind, replayed on endless, restless nights. he feels an urge to reach out, just to touch you, as if that would bring back something of the past.
“i—it’s been so long, katsuki.”
“babe, who’s there?” a voice calls from inside, and he freezes again, the world suddenly colder.
“it’s just—it’s a friend! this’ll just take a minute,” you say, glancing over your shoulder, almost apologetically.
a friend. the word stings, cutting deeper than he expected. he looks down, shaking his head, and forces a small, wry smile. “sorry for interrupting. i just-was gonna give you this anyway, so—”
“no, no, you can—i mean, if you want to— you say, trailing off, eyes uncertain.
he swallows the ache in his throat. he’d known this was a bad idea. but still, some part of him had hoped, against all sense, that you might feel something too, that maybe you were still who he remembered.
“nah. m' fine. just take it.”
you reach out slowly, your fingers brushing his as you take the box from him. “thank you, katsuki.”
“t’s nothin’. should get goin—”
“how—how have you been, katsuki?”
he stops, the question hitting him harder than he thought it would. he feels the world hold its breath again.
“great.”
“why did you come back, katsuki? you never—” you hesitate, your words hanging in the air. “i’m sorry, that was—i shouldn’t have asked.”
he shoves his hands into his pockets, rocks back on his heels, the words he wants to say caught somewhere deep in his chest, tangled and painful. he wants to tell you about every night he lay awake, thinking of this exact moment, of how he’d imagined you waiting for him, of how he’d never truly let you go.
“somethin's always bringin' me back to ya, i guess.”
you blink, your face shifting, as if something in his words struck a place you’d tried to keep buried. your expression softens, and he feels something in you shift, something he hasn’t seen in years. he gestures back towards your door, a small nod.
“go inside. he’s waitin’ for ya.”
but you don’t move. you just stand there, looking at him, your expression a mix of things he can’t quite read. it’s like you’re searching for the boy you knew, and instead, seeing a man who’s weathered years without you. he wonders if you’re feeling what he’s feeling now—a kind of regret that lingers, that quietly seeps into the cracks left by time.
“gotta go,” he murmurs, the words tasting hollow as he says them. “i’ll—see ya around.”
he turns to go, but you speak up, voice catching in your throat. “wait. just—katsuki, look—”
he stops, his back to you, the words sinking into the silence between you. for a moment, he stands there, torn between staying and leaving, between the past and the present.
slowly, he turns, his eyes meeting yours, and in that gaze, everything he’s ever wanted to say seems to spill over.
“i—” katsuki starts, his voice shaking ever so slightly, like he's struggling against a tide of emotions that’s threatening to drown him. he looks at you, the words weighing heavy on his tongue. “i don’t know what i thought would happen.”
there’s a vulnerability there, one you haven’t seen in years, one you didn’t even know he still carried. it hits you harder than you expected. and suddenly, it’s like the air between you two is charged with everything you’ve been holding back—everything that’s been buried deep inside for so long.
you swallow hard, but you can’t bring yourself to say anything. not because you don’t want to—because you don’t know how. nothing feels right anymore.
“you didn’t have to come back,” you whisper, but the words sound like they’ve been stripped of meaning, like they were meant to be something else, something you can’t quite reach.
“i know.” he shakes his head, frustration tightening his jaw. “but i did anyway.”
the silence that falls between you both is heavier than any words could be. it’s thick, pressing down on both of you, pulling at all the things you wish you could say, all the things you should’ve said. there’s so much left undone, so much left unsaid, and it’s suffocating.
you look at him, searching his face, trying to see the person you used to know—the one you loved, the one you lost. but instead, all you see is a stranger. a person who’s still a part of you, but someone you can’t reach anymore.
“i—” he stops himself, his hand clenched by his side, like he’s holding back everything he’s feeling. he looks at you one last time, like he’s trying to find something that will make this easier, something that will make it all right again. but it’s too late for that. It’s been too long.
“take care of yourself, yeah?” he mutters, his voice almost a ghost of what it used to be—small, broken, like the words are falling apart before they reach you.
you can feel the emptiness of it. “yeah. you too.”
it’s all that’s left to say. there’s nothing more. you both know it, but neither of you wants to let it go, even though it’s already slipping through your fingers.
katsuki turns away, his steps slow, deliberate, like he’s dragging the weight of every unspoken word behind him. the snow falls harder now, swallowing his footprints, erasing him as if he were never here at all.
but the ache stays. it’s in the pit of your stomach, twisting with every breath. the world moves on, but this—this moment—will never leave you.
you stand there for a long time, watching him fade into the distance, knowing that this is the last time. the last time you’ll see him like this. the last time you’ll ever have a chance to say all the things you wish you could.
and just as he disappears into the snowfall, your chest tightens, your breath catching in your throat. you want to scream, you want to run after him, but you know it’s pointless. the distance between you is too great now. it always has been.
but before he’s completely gone, you see him look back one last time. just a flicker. just a moment. and you wonder, for the briefest of seconds, if maybe—just maybe—he feels it too.
then he’s gone.
and all that’s left is the quiet. the snow. the space between you both, filling up with everything that will never be.
#—bkg#boku no hero academia#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugou#bnha fanfiction#bakugou x reader#bakugou angst#mha angst#bnha angst#nylu has written
105 notes
·
View notes
Text
And then the ending with Dimentio’s defeat.
I will never stop praising how Dimentio went out. This madman’s ego may have been his downfall and kept him from creating a more thought-out plan B… but his last ditch effort in his final breath cements his selfishness as a person. Either he would get his perfect world, or he’d ensure all existence dies with him out of spite. It could also be read as a particular jab at Count Bleck, as was this not what he wanted?
Of course, this fails as well, but not without a cost. And no other Mario game that’s come after SPM has ever replicated this trope with the impact SPM punches you with.
Blumiere and Timpani’s love thwarts Dimentio’s “last surprise”, but it isn’t just their love, but their sacrifice, as you mentioned. Their love ignites the Pure Hearts, but it’s their sacrifice that empowers the Purity Heart to erase the Chaos Heart.
The multiverse is saved, but it’s a Pyrrhic victory. It’s bittersweet.
Blumiere and Timpani are dead… or are they? They’re finally together at long last, but they’ve left behind everyone else they’ve formed bonds with to mourn them. Luvbi miraculously got a second chance at life when the worlds were restored, Sammer’s Kingdom came back no worse for wear, but Fracktail is still gone, who you were forced to mercy kill after Dimentio made him insane to make things more entertaining. And Squirps is still all alone, the last and only survivor of his extinct people and kingdom.
Not everything is fixed when the Void is closed, but the characters are all working towards achieving their goals and fixing the remaining problem. The Cragnons and Floro Sapiens are working towards a better coexistence, Squirps tells you he plans to possibly rebuild his kingdom, and Bleck’s minions all want to heal from their loss. And create the better world they wanted for their Count, and be punctual to Nastasia’s “appointment for hope”.
We don’t live in a perfect world, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There’s many terrible things out there, but also a lot of good. What matters is we fight for that good, doing our part to stand against the bad and allow for the good to shine brighter. And that hopeful message SPM leaves us as the storybook closes still brings me to tears every time I see it.
a lot of people will try to sell you on super paper mario’s story by pointing to blumiere and timpani and going “look! it’s a very sad love story!” and i think that’s a disservice to why the story grips me honestly. it’s a love story, yes, and similarly, a story ABOUT love. but it’s also a story of loss. deep, DEEP loss. there’s a heavy air of melancholy that hangs around everything in the story. the void’s constant approach, the fact that so many people dedicate their entire life and its purpose to helping a mysterious hero that will only appear thousands of years into the future, a heavy theme of sacrifice. all of it. it makes the love themes so much more potent to me. because it’s not JUST the power of love winning out. it’s this love born through hardship, through sacrifice, through the brink of desperation… that’s what grips me. it’s a very bittersweet love. and that sort of weird, grey love is a type of thing i never expected to see in a mario game. of all things.
#super paper mario#mario#moth flies#don’t mind me and my two cents#I just love the storytelling of SPM
125 notes
·
View notes
Note
hii!! i love ur writing and this is purely self indulgent, can u write hcs (or a oneshot) of father figure abbacchio w a teen reader whos struggling w their mental health?? just some really fluffy stuff
tysm!!
(ignore if ur not comfortable!)
Hi! Of course I can write this! :) I did both hcs and a oneshot, but it's pretty short, if you want smth longer just lmk!!!
Father figure Abbacchio + Teenage reader struggling with their mental health!
At first you were probably just another misled youth that Bruno had found scrounging the streets of Napoli and had generously taken in. As such, he treated you like the rest of them. Just another kid to be taken care of.
You weren't as hopelessly ambitious as Giorno; you just sort of did your own thing, so he never really hated you.
In fact, he likely grew fond of you over the exact same reason he hated Giorno - he saw himself in you.
You kept to yourself, smiling and getting involved only when you were needed. You listened to your music. Often lost in a little world of your own, and when the others weren't pestering you to hang out with them you spent all your time in your room. Curled up in a little ball, in the dark; hiding.
It was sad, actually. Watching day by day as menial tasks became exhausting; brushing your teeth, getting dressed, or even just getting up and joining the others for breakfast. There were always bags under your eyes. Always a downward tilt to your lips and Abbacchio knew everyone on the team had their issues, but watching you wither away in the exact way he had was horrifying.
That was probably why he found himself taking a more parental role at your side. He wasn't good at this stuff, though. He was a failed-cop-turned-gangstar, not some wannabe therapist. He wasn't going to sit you down at a table and assess your symptoms. But he wanted to help, to stop you from turning into grumpy old him and so he did where he could.
You were gently encouraged to attend Fugo's tutoring sessions, and if Fugo ever yelled at you when Abbacchio was within earshot he'd probably get a clip over the ear.
If you ever end up calling him 'dad' or something similar he'll freak out because that wasn't his intention, but at the same time, it's nice having that kind of bond with someone. He doesn't mind it.
Bruno keeps looking at him and smiling because Abbacchio never normally cares so much, but now he's actively taking a fatherly role and its sweet.
I can't think of anymore HCs so here's the oneshot!
Of all people, Abbacchio knew what it was like to feel so hopelessly deferred from reality. To be so miserably all you could do was lay in bed and will yourself a slither of courage. He'd been through that pain; he still goes through that pain, on particularly rough nights. There was no true way to escape the clawed grasp of ailment, but he was grown. He was mature, he could deal with it.
It was disheartening, though. To see you, his junior by several years - just a kid, struggling against the chains of torment.
Every day was a chore. You could barely lift yourself from bed, and if you could will yourself from it's deathly embrace, it took hours to get ready; brushing your teeth had your heart palpitating in your chest, choosing clothes for the day a chore too exhausting, your appearance mattered not when your mind grappled against itself.
And then there was everyone else.
The stares. The questions.
Are you eating enough? Do you want to come out with us today? You look a little tired, have you been sleeping well?
Days passed like a blur; with the same things repeated to you every single time you left the enclosure that was your room. You don't even know how many times you'd sat at the side of a road, contemplating what it would be like to just cease your own existence. All the while Abbacchio could only watch as you fell deeper and deeper into a pit of your own despair.
You shouldn't be feeling like this. You were so young, and yet every day it got worse and worse.
And that's why he found himself hovering outside of the door to your room at that very moment. Bathed in the darkness of the corridor, hand balled into a fist and poised to knock; You hadn't left the confines of your abode all day, despite having supposed to gone on a mission with Narancia and Fugo earlier. It was worrying him, you'd had days like this before but it had never been this bad.
For a moment, he hesistated, unsure if you would want to be disturbed during your time of peace. But after a few seconds of thought he swallowed that hesitation and knocked at the door.
There was no answer. He knocked again, firmer this time, and called out to you gently. There was a meek response from the other side; hardly a sound worth noting, but Abbacchio knew you well enough to understand it was a mottled greeting.
With mild confirmance on your part, his palm rested upon the doorhandle. He wasted no moments in prying the wooden thing open, his eyes narrowing in the dusky cocoon that was your room. On the other side of the room, he could just about make out a carcass-like figure wrapped beneath heaps of blankets atop of your bed. It was unmoving, twitching only the slightest bit when faint light from the corridor spewed across your cesspit.
A sigh passed Abbacchio's lips. He moved to walk toward you, but his foot caught on a pile of clothing that had been haphazardly thrown across the floor. He tripped forward and fell flat on his face.
He lay there, still, for a few moments. There was rustling on the bed above him, and when he lifted himself from the ground he found your defensive glare fixated right at him.
Slowly, as if any wrong movement would cause you to retreat, he got to his feet: "Hey."
Silence followed his words. It looked like you were in no talking mood. He frowned, teetering closer inch by inch. He made a motion for the bed, and when you showed no signs of telling him to leave, sat down.
"What's wrong?" He spoke after a few seconds of unfiltered silence. You hesistated to respond; the question had you flinching, mulling over your words to no avail.
Nothing could quite sum up the crushing weight that pushed at your shoulders. How the world burnt around you, how each day beat at you until you were nothing but a mangled pile of meat and bones crawling for safety beneath your bedsheets at night.
"I don't know."
He was disappointed with your response, you could tell from the way his brow pinched together. You'd expected him to yell at you, or maybe berate you for being so nonsensical but nothing of the likes spewed from his lips. Instead, he looked to you with warmth. Comfort, rather than frustration.
"Well... I can't help you if you don't know." The words were soft leaving his mouth. You swallowed thickly, fumbling for the courage to speak of your ailments.
"I just don't feel good." Was your uncoherent mumble. "I don't know what to do."
Your throat felt tight; unwanted tears welling at the corners of your eyes. You hiccuped, trying hard to stave off your own emotions for the sake of your dignity. Abbacchio clicked his tongue, pity overwhemling his senses.
"Come here," He shuffled closer to you, wrapping an arm over your shivering body to envelop you in his warm embrace. "It will be okay."
But the words only brought bitterness to the tip of your tongue. "How can you say that?"
You howled, tone meek. You evaded his eyes, looking to the floor with a poignant scowl. You were growing snappy with him, yet he held no resentment.
"Because, I know it will be." He then chided, patting your back securely. "I know that everything seems like a lot right now, but it won't be like this forever, I promise."
You stayed silent. Sniffling, and bringing a sleeve to wipe at your eyes. He frowned at your lack of response. "It will get better."
"Why can't things be better right now?" You coiled in on yourself, growing hopeless in tone. Abbacchio was just glad you weren't so stand-offish anymore, he understood why you were so defensive of yourself, but it still hurt.
"I don't know." He hissed a breath through his teeth, knowing that probably wasn't the best thing to say. He was never that good at comforting people.
A few brittle seconds passed by in silence, before he finally conjured up a better response: "But just because everything is shitty right now doesn't mean you should let yourself wither away here. You should be happy."
You looked to him sourly. "But I'm not."
And in turn, he let out a short huff. "You can be,"
He reiterated, letting go of you in favour of getting to his feet. He looked to you expectantly. "Come downstairs and hangout with the rest of us."
It was an order, moreso than a request, but it held no authorative intent. His gaze was soft on you, caring and parental; he wanted what was best for you, to help you when you were struggling the most.
"...Okay." With a small, hesitant nod, you got to your feet. Wobbling lightly, nauseous from having spent so long laying on your side.
Abbacchio offered you a rare smile, triumphant in removing you from your cesspit. He took your hand in his own intent on making you feel better; the rest of the team were downstairs setting up a movie night. He'd requested it himself, knowing that a distraction from your own wallowing thoughts would be best for you at that moment.
---
Sorry this took so long !!! Uni has been pretty stressful, so i was slow writing it. lmk if you liked it !!! if you didnt, and you want something changed, just say !!! i'll be happy to rewrite it :) thank you for sending in this request!
#Abbacchio#Leone Abbacchio#platonic x reader#jjba#jojo no kimyou na bouken#jojos bizarre adventure#jojo part 5
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
I made a compilation of Ambessa being a horrible parent on tiktok and someone left several comments defending her from that label and now I'm really upset so please indulge my rant.
First of all, I know Ambessa is a complex character. I know she's gone through a lot of trauma to make her how she is. She didn't deserve what happened to her, but Mel didn't deserve her trauma either.
Ambessa definitely loved her daughter, but she also resented her. Those things can be true at the same time. I think she resents Mel for being merciful, for being an affair baby, for being a mage. All things that are not her fault. Now that I've gotten those statements out of the way, let me walk you through every way Ambessa failed her daughter.
We all know how fucked up it is that she murdered a child in front of Mel, but I've never seen anyone talk about how she turned away first, letting her think she wouldn't go through with it. She was just trying to be cruel.
I've also never heard anyone discuss that when she says "perhaps she could be my daughter", its in response to Mel saying that the new ruler would need to be molded. The narrative literally tells you that Ambessa is a manipulative mother.
When she arrives in Piltover, the first thing she does is gaslight Mel about her banishment. Then when she's called out on it, she tries to smooth it over with a compliment and by throwing her arm around Mel, who of course knows exactly what she's doing.
Then when she's confronted on the fact that she banished her own child, she says it was because Mel weakened her. I will admit her care is more evident here, but even then she used Mel's pain as leverage to get her to vote for war by offering to let her come home.
In season 2 act 3, it's more of the same. But it's also worse.
Ambessa is obviously glad that Mel's alive, but she doesn't even hug her. I understand she has trouble showing affection, but still
And then she hits Mel. I don't care what you say, it's never okay to hit your kid. And honestly, I stand by Mel for what she said to her mom about letting Kino die.
Mel is the only one in the whole show who ever refers to her brother by name, and that seems intentional. Her flashback indicates that she looked up to him, and her time in the occulorum with Leblanc's illusion shows that the two had an emotionally open relationship and showed each other physical affection. Ambessa may have constantly kept Mel guessing how she felt about her, but she always knew Kino loved her. And now he's gone, and he's not coming back.
And then Ambessa says he was all the sweetness in her heart, basically admitting that Mel was none of it! She says she let him die to protect her! Why would she do that when it seems Kino was the favorite? Why would she do that when he, the oldest, would have been the de facto heir? Because Mel is a weapon. That's why she has to be protected. Because she's valuable to Ambessa's ambition.
And yet, she never told Mel she was a mage. She only sent her away. Away from her home, away from Kino's love, away from everything she knew.
Also, Ambessa talks shit about mages even though Mel IS one. That shit made me fume.
Mel begs her not to go through with her plans. She offers to go back to Noxus with her and help avenge Kino, but Ambessa won't listen. She won't even listen when Mel stops the execution and points out that her ambition has cost her Rictus and Kino. Instead, she has her soldiers turn their weapons on her own daughter. I doubt they would have killed her, but it's still a massive betrayal.
And her last words, though they are of pride, are devastating: "You are the wolf."
The very thing Mel fought not to become. The very thing she had to become to defeat her mother.
#ambessa medarda slander#ambessa medarda anti#ambessa arcane#ambessa medarda#mel medarda defender#mel medarda#mel arcane#fyp#arcane#arcane league of legends#for you page#arcane lol#arcane season 2#arcane act 3#arcane season 2 act 3
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
They would be so insufferable once they got together I’m telling you right now
Request by @molten-rainbows!💖✨✨
Uni-fying the requests because.
#worst double date ever when those guys keep getting denied access to many places for a second ride#for context! they aren’t the biggest fans of pda actually#they got lost inside the haunted house that also worked like a maze of the sorts. Meryl and Milly got out first and waited for them to#come out. but they never did. Meryl asked for security to look for them and they were caught in a place they shouldn’t be at#when asked abt the hickeys. they say they were hiding from someone who was chasing them. Vash covered WW mouth and he bit his palm#so Vash bit his hand in return. and bc they’re losers they kept going until things started to escalate and well#things ended up like that. and now they can’t get into the haunted house again.#Meryl considers not letting them be too far away from their line of sight because they are bastards separately and how together they are#somehow even worse. Milly won’t really interfere but would stop them if they start anything in public#which they wouldn’t. but they all know that would be a consequence#I cant for the love of me draw with at least a little bit of context behind it even if it’s just three panels OQJWK#without AA i make so many mistakes but whatever#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#vashwood#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#trigun fanart#meryl stryfe#milly thompson#millymeryl#the girls finally OQNWM#lenssi draws#Trigun Uni! AU#take the color palette as a grain of salt I have zero consistency. also the style I guess
369 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mmmm. Yeah, many queer fans have been upset enough to stop watching the show altogether.
Buck's boyfriend broke up with him because he--Tommy, the boyfriend--wouldn't be Buck's--this bisexual character-- "last," whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean, but it came with the implication that Buck should date or sleep around to figure out that he wants what he "really wants." Specifically, it came with the implication he should "experiment" with other men because he's only been with women in the past, and I guess-- according to the show-- that means he's not actually experienced enough to be sure of what he wants.
In the context of the rest of the episode, this scene came across either as a way to remind the viewer the bisexual character is still into women or as a "test" of Buck's commitment to or seriousness with being with a man and this being knowable to the public. And with the end message that his boyfriend could never be "Buck's last," the whole episode seemed to carry the narrative that Buck 1.) isn't actually sure of his sexuality (ugh-oh! Is he or het or homo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I dunno, Janet, maybe it's a secret third option: bisexuality. Maybe it isn't a choice of men or women, maybe it's men AND women. ¿Por qué no los dos?); 2.) he's just "trying things out," experimenting, if you will, and isn't actually sure of his attraction to men; and 3.) unless he gets with other men, this one man is just an "experiment" or "fluke," and Buck's sexuality-- his gut instinct attraction--is ultimately for women (and women alone).
(And we know this "ugh-oh, what does he want: men or women" was an intention of the writing given the next episode Buck tells his sister, "I don't know what pond to jump back into" when discussing dating again after his breakup)
But, to make matters worse, not only did this woman flirt with Buck and ask him for his number while he was on his 6-month anniversary date, Buck's boyfriend, Tommy, essentially said, "Nah, it's not weird she flirted with you at our anniversary dinner, and you awkwardly had to refuse her advances in front of me, all while you kept looking to me for assistance getting out of this situation and I just sat here. You're hot, she's hot. It's okay to look." The implication of his "It's okay to look" being that Buck spent his 6-month anniversary dinner with his boyfriend checking out hot chicks (he actually had not). AND THEN Buck said to his boyfriend, "I noticed you didn't look?" (In a way confirming that he was actively checking out women while on a date with his boyfriend, which… is sure a choice. Are they going go full “bisexual cheater” trope next? Oh, wait. They have. The queer characters on this show have disproportionately been characterized as unfaithful.) He mentioned this like he was taken aback that a man wouldn't notice or be interested in the fact that a group of hot women was flirting and sitting diagonally from them (because homosexuality doesn’t exist—oh, his boyfriend, slightly affronted, tells Buck “I’m a Kinsey 6”). Diagonally, but still across the room from them. She had to bypass several (het) couples having dinner to ask Buck for his number. Because two men having dinner-- just them-- are obviously available, unlike the other m/f pairings, who are clearly on dates.
Because yeah, yeah. Two men at their 6-mo anniversary dinner go to gawk at hot women, I guess. That's totally what queer men do on dates with each other. M/F pairings are on dates while the two men are just "hanging out with their boy(s)."
Okay. Poll time. And you can only vote if you have NEVER EVER watched ABC’s 911.
You and the girls are having a girl’s night at a nice Italian restaurant in LA in the year 2024. Diagonal from you are two men at a table for two looking at each other like this:
…as they have a quiet conversation and finish up their dinner.
123 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hate my face it needs to be softer and i hate my body it needs to be sharper
#there is nothing in the world i wished i had more than a smaller/rounder nose#why is that thang genuinely V#<#>#^#every direction sniffin#i want to bury my face in things and not impale them#i hate the way it looks when i smile#somehow it gets even bigger#and more downturned#and my body well . at least thats easier 2 change#im so hyper aware of how much i weigh i hate the number being known it makes me want to cry i feel too exposed#its like it being a secret keeps me safe#even though everyone can see my body anyway#if i just have that then im safe no one can hurt me#what if the number makes them see me differently#what if it changes the way i look in their eyes like it does in mine#what if the dysmorphia streaks out past just me#i know its stupid n realistically it doesnt matter at all but i am so Scared i am terrified#i hate my ed i hate everything it holds over me all the time everyday#every time i look at myself im different#n im worse#and no matter how much i suffer its never happy#im so sick rn im in pain but all i can think about is at least im not eating at least its stopping me from eating#i just want to be different i want to be anything else#i feel like im always going 2 be stuck as the grossest thing in the world#ill never get the chance to look at myself n see anything but that#i want to be better. i do. i want to just move on#im so tired. but im So awful looking. & everyone has always made sure i know it. made sure im lesser and i am#ive never had a real friend. theyve always hated me n kept be barely around because they feel bad for me. n just told me how bad i looked
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#alex gets personal#i'm just so fucking tired of this#nothing works it never actually gets better it never stops being fucking excruciating work every single day#ive been stringing myself along with empty promises and 'it'll get better'#but it's just. not. getting better#do you know how exhausted i am? because i am not exaggerating or lying when i say that i have been trying not to kill myself since i was#three years old and alone and lonely and hated and disliked and reduced to my mother's puppet#and my father hated from the moment he got informed of my potential existence#and then it just got WORSE#all of it just kept getting worse and worse and it never stopped and i was never not alone and i'm so fucking tired#and did i already mention nothing works anymore#cause you can give me the best fucking pep talk ever and my response will be i dont care i just want it to stop#im just gonna keep distracting myself until i either die or get better#whatever happens first and we all know it won't be getting better so therapy's gonna be fun on wednesday
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think this is a pretty reasonable situation to cry in, right?
#ughhhhh#you know what becausd i hate myself (not really dw) this isnt gonna be a vaguepost#if youre reading the tags buckle the fuck up#so last week and the week before were spring break for me#and the week before was jjst full of studying and exam stress to the point where i couldnt attend my archery lessons#cause all i was doing at that time was either studying or feeling like shit for not studying#but when spring break hit actually THE VERY SECOND it arrived I had to go to another city about two hours away to visjt family#and guess what? I STAYED THERE FOR ALMOST THE WHOLE ENTIRE SPRING FUCKING BREAK#so i couldnt even do most of the shit i wanted to#and even there i couldnt enjoy my time#why? because ALL I DID was study. my cousin tutors me and I was failing these 3 specific subjects#so she was helping me withtgem and she wouldnt leave me be#and when my (undiagnosed) adhd made me shit at focusing and my mind keot wantering and i kept looking away because i was understimulated#i got shouted at which was not very fun#whats worse is she did it in front of people. literally in public.#then we come back home THANKFULLY and she comes with us. because of course.#and now all my time all of it except for one or two hours of the day is just studying#the only free time i have is when she sleeps#and school. literally never in my life have i been happy to go to school and yet id rather be there than here.#but what choice do i really have#its either this or fail the exams#it gets worse. on thursday i was really tired from school. i came back and PASSED OUT#and by passed out I mean PASSED OUT#idk if it was cause it was hot outside or school just drained my energy but i could barely exist at that point#then my cousin finds me on the couch sweaty and basically dying#what does she do? she wakes me up like “alright time to study”#so yesterday i did charity work and it involved carrying a lot of heavy boxes and stuff so i naturally came back drained and tired and she#STILL WANTED ME TO STUDY so the second we got back I just slept and i was practically comatose so she coukdnt even wake me up#i slept for 11 hours and woke up to MORE STUDYING HURRAY and then at 5 i went to archery class and we got back at 8 and she WONT STOP#i just want to go home. im so tired. physically and mentally and emotionally. i just wanna go fucking home.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I can never look up anything about Skylar white on any site other than this one ever people really do just hate women so much ??? Even her wiki page is chock full of misogyny it's so depressing
#breaking bad#even ppl being like 'well walt was worse but she still sucked'#did we watch the same show??? she was being super gaslit all season 2 & forced into a relationship she no longer wanted in season 3#it makes me angry but also really scared how much the word bitch gets thrown around#i think everything skylar does after yelling at jesse to stop selling walt weed is actually completely understandable & okay#& everything ppl are mad at her about. walt did first & worse & longer#i will never get over this its honestly terrifying#he almost fucking rapes her early season 2 what is wrong with people?? i hate this world#straight up the creators have been like uh yeah we dont get why ppl hate her so much#we kept pushing the limit w making walt sympathetic but ppl just only care abt skylars 'mistakes'#it is literally PURPOSEFULLY WRITTEN INTO THE SHOW that skylar is a victim. that was their INTENT#sorry im preachng to the choir here ik but the more i see of the show the angrier i get about her treatment
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
Nooo the trans allegory is also a Big one for me in that song, but I know not everybody is about Trans Aoki so I figured it went well with his disabilities regardless. And like yeah blah blah basic whatever, idc y'know, I'm here to enjoy life so imma listen to music people don't like 😂🤣
But you're so real for the trans Aoki thoughts okay.... I love both cis and trans interpretations of the Boy bc he's fits very well in both categories. It's all just spice y'know!! You sprinkle some of this... Some of that... And tomorrow you make a new dish! Love moving head canons around for funsies
Anyway ty for validating my music choices 🫡 good luck charging your phone
i dont really hc charas any particular sexuality or gender since i always feel weird about it its called being BORING its what I AM but its the way i was playin y7 and just kept jokin bout it every time the game gave me a chance until the very last scene then i was just like.. hm... feels less like a joke to me now... its just what my eyes perceive at this point.. sorry...
but i got you covered with music choices man !!!! i like most music even if it can be considered 'overplayed' or 'generic' like idk man... if it makea me feel ima listen to it..
#snap chats#love how i forgot the Eyes lyrics to Body when it's deadass the first line.. STUPID ASS !!!!!!!#but anyways. yeah it been a hot year since i talked bout trans aoki LMAO#honestly if it wasnt for the fact i saw korean artists draw aoki with top scars (and specifying they were TS scars) then id prob just like#be quiet about it. cause most of the time i was just jokin like the whole injections bit and his voice being hoarse in eng#and nasally in jp... lol.... the jokes were being lined up for me... and then he went and changed his name#and got surgery that made him feel more at home in his body... LIKE THEY PROVIDE NON-TRANS REASONS WHY HE DOES THIS#I KNOW but thats why i just kept /jokin/ bout it cause i was like 'lmao' yk. Lmao congrats your accidental trans rep is republican#AND THAT'S WHY IT'S FUNNY TO HC HIM AS TRANS CAUSE HE SUCKS !!!!! i want more shitty people as trans rep#im p sure im the only one who 'openly' hcs him trans but not even. like i remember twitter was Allegedly mad at me for drawing aoki a lot#and they made a point bout me makin him trans but like... i never even 'publicly' made him trans..#when i'd draw aoki without a shirt i'd give him scars but those were from his lung surgery.. lmao...#not my fault the scars look Like That... cause i like drawing scars leave me alone...#my DB followers know i was obsessed with drawing yamcha's leg scar from when his leg was broken#Truly just a coincidence but also not cause it Was lowkey intentional but anyways.. lol...#i remember the period where people were askin me bout the hc.. hehe...#My Apologies for going on the Trans Aoki rant i still do very much like to joke bout it with myself.... it was too real to me...#every time i think of The Specifics i start to get like 👁️👁️ because then it gets too real so i gotta stop before i start crying....#it's not that the HC is personal or deep to me or anything it's just funny <- in denial for the bit#anyway.. i havent been able to be productive all day so !! time to start i have a really hectic week and its only getting worse (╯▽╰ )#thanks for letting me ramble... and feel validated for being delulu...#lowkey funny that While True you said not everyone's about the HC Which Is True it's why i dont talk about it a lot#but like... Not To Be Presumptuous And Self-Important but i do remember being one o the first people to bring it up with other aoki fans..#imagine me not being abot my own hc.. or at least one i stand heavily by... lmao..
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
not to sound like an old fuck but teenagers are the fucking worst
#we went to go see a movie last night and there was this group of teenagers#ive never wanted to commit a crime more in my life#basically this whole group sucked but it had a catalyst of sucky of this one kid in a White Shirt#so White Shirt kept getting up and walking around like he was a recipient of the fucking boston marathon#he kept making super loud noises seemingly just to piss people off#he kept having insanely loud conversations and arguments with his friends#like i dont think any of them watched the movie at all#in the middle of the movie he walked in with 3 random people and things got so much worse#he fuckin kept waving his flashlight into the audience like a fucking prick#he got into an argument enough that his friends separated from him and also started walking around the theater#including this couple that came and sat in front of us (in one seat. girl sat on dude's lap like there werent others around)#and THEY kept arguing. and she kept standing up for long periods of time and sitting down again#we actually went out at one point. one of my friends yelled at white shirt to stop being a prick and asked an attendee to kick him out#attendee just came in the theater and watched while White Shirt was out of the room specifically so he wouldnt get in trouble#White Shirt was also acting like he didnt do shit#he ALSO interrupted people IN THE BATHROOM saying 'who wants to be in a youtube video'#anyway the attendee just did fucking nothing and let that jackass and his friends ruin an entire movie#i cant even tell you how the movie was because of his shit#anyway yea teenagers are the fucking worst and if youre reading this White Shirt i hope you choke on your own dick#bc if youre gonna act like that later in life youre never gonna get laid
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why
#I dont want to ruin the festive season for oeooke#But i dont want to be here#I csnt keeo doing this#It hurts#It really hurts#And i tgought that maybe if i just kept going that one day it would stop hurting#But i was wring#As i am anout everything#It never gets vetter#It onky gets worse#And i cant keep doing this#Im not strong enoygh#Im sirry#I love you klaus and viktor and ben and diego and allison and luther#and sir maxwell abd lila#ill miss you all#Im sorry i failed you#Tua rp#Tua rp blog#tw: suicidal ideation#tw: suicidal thoughts
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dog has a swollen lymph node. Just one for now. Which means her cancer is getting worse already. The longer this goes on, the more detached I feel from reality.
#I've been barely eating for over a week now and don't feel it#all the money i have is going towards her. i have enough body fat to survive without eating properly for a while.#but I'm just not hungry because nothing feels real right now#she's been breathing with more difficulty the past couple days too so i know the tumor on her tongue is getting larger#she's been whining so much too. like way more than she ever has.#and the prednisone has increased her appetite by so much that she's eating almost double what she normally would#she's skipped eating in the morning almost her whole life. don't know why. she's just a picky bitch like that.#but now she wants extra food in thd morning and snacks during the day and extra food at night#i was worried her food would go to waste after she died but goddamn#it definitely will be eaten plus some at this rate#she seems so normal. but i know she's getting worse every day and probably just doesn't want to bother me.#that's the worst thing about dogs. they don't want to bother you.#she's so opinionated when it comes to things she wants to eat or play with. but she's never let me know when she was in pain.#the only times she has are emergency vet visit times#like when my ex broke her tail and she kept putting her butt in my face to tell me shit was fucked up#or another time when her gut bacteria somehow got out of whack and she shat bright red blood all over my house#or when she broke a claw so bad it damaged the bone underneath#anything minor and i have to find it on my own#she's extra spoiled right now#i never tell her to stop unless she's doing something potentially dangerous#like yeah. let's sniff that same spot on the same bush you smell 8x a day for ten minutes girl.#you look hungry. have some peanuts or freetos or cotton candy.#you want snacks even though you just had snacks? bitch. have some more.#you want to sleep in my spot on the bed? thats ok. I'll go to the othef sidd where i don't have my cpap. get comfy.#i feel bad denying her anything when i know she only has a set amount of experiences left#there's a finite amount of sniffs she can snorf or food to be fed and i know it's pretty limited.#and then i get days like today where i don't even really start working until the time I'd normally be getting home#and that enrages me like little else can do because it's taking away from time with the only living thing that's real to me#except the longer i have knowing she's dying the less 'here' i feel. which makes her seem less real.#and i hate it. but i deny myself pain by pretending shit isn't real until it isn't. and then there's no more pain.
1 note
·
View note
Text
feeling bad again 😧
#egg boils#i was reading that japanese writers hoshimina stuff and they kept saying they felt burnt out bc of how small the audience was and like . Oh#my god i get it i get it nodding emoji bc there’s only so much you can write for urself…#i think at this stage i’m just so in my head . but realistically by now i should be accepting that kn8 anime has ended. no ones actively#looking for hoshimina stuff because they aren’t pushed past the tachikawa base raid anyway. so like. Stop Hoping#idk why i think people will keep reading or looking for hsmn (Or worse. nrmn) when there’s no reason for people to so#deep breaths. i’ll just do what i want to do.#maybe i should disable ao3 notifs#or just let it pass… i think maybe i should quickly upload all the chapters for nrmn instead bc i keep Expecting things and i don’t like it#bc i always end up with greater disappointment#:/#the thing is im rly clinging onto this hyper fixation and writing so much bc i know i won’t be able to when i land a job. and thats def#happening minimally in september#i hope so anyway#so i want to create as much as i can because very soon i won’t have time for Anything but#i’m just so sad#idk anymore ughhhhh#i did have fun. but maybe i should just let this go.#the worse part is that the hsmn fic im writing rn is genuinely! going! i’m not forcing myself or anything but idk i’ve really started#placing too much like. Emphasis on recognition i guess?#i need to remind myself that the reason i managed to churn out 43k for hsmn at first was solely for myself too#i never expected anyone to read it. so i need to maintain those expectations#i truly love all the people who consistently comment on my fics and new chapters but i don’t expect people to keep up with it especially#knowing kn8 isn’t a Big Thing anymore#so i’ll need to live with the fact that i will Not get new things new comments and whilst i love seeing them and replying to them. That’s#fine. because when i was writing for myself the only person who was reacting was myself#and that’s fine!!!!!!!!!#ugh#i can do this.#just until it naturally phases out. there’s so many things i want to create still
0 notes