#all normal stuff for this country
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Pretty proud of how far I’ve come this year
#I have struggled with crippling anxiety for a long time and this year I really wanted to overcome it and become more independent#like#I used to be absolutely terrified of leaving the house#things like driving and going places alone would make me have crazy panic attacks#but this year I’ve done a lot and I’ve overcome a lot and gained so much confidence#I’ve flown across the country twice this year#driven on some pretty intimidating roads like the highway and freeway#gone on solo bike rides for miles through the woods#eaten tons of new foods#I know those sorts of things might seem very simple and normal everyday things#but I have ocd and it can make my anxiety pretty bad#it can also make a lot of my fears rather irrational#likes like trying new foods and going new places are genuinely intimidating for me#bc it makes me feel like I’m going to die lol#but I’ve done ALOT of things I was scared to do#I’ve come along way#and it may seem like boring basic stuff to some people#but considering I couldn’t leave my house two years ago without panicking to the point of losing feeling in my hands and feet#I think I did pretty good lol#I’m starting to feel like a confident person again#I’m starting to feel like I can LIVE again#and it’s pretty nice#just wanted to write this out somewhere lol that’s all#maybe it will be helpful for anyone struggling in similar ways#to see that improvement is possible#lol anyways happy November#mae rambles
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Genshin Spoilers
Okay okay lemme cook for a second.
Anyone else find the blood purity and relations shit weird?
Like what we know now is that Caribert died at age 8 in the creation of the loom of fate. So therefore Caribert has no heir and was also regarded as an illegitimate child by Clothar and that his mother is of Mondstandt origin. So he is not pureblood which is why he was turned into a hillichurl.
We can make assumptions that Clothar had no other children with this woman or if he did, they are still monsters and not able to repoduce, so therefore there are no halfblood heirs of Clothar.
Next I have to talk about race and geography since I’m such a nerd about this crap. So many characters should have darker complexions based on how much sun they get (Sumeru desert, Natlan, and Liyue, PLAYABLE character not just NPCs.) Like if Mualani looks dark compared to 90% of the cast, we have a problem.
So let’s assume Teyvat is a globe and it’s laid out on a flat map for us to see. Let’s also assume that the climate is similar to earth. Let’s assume the equator is around the center so like above most of Liyue and Sumeru. Parts of Mondstandt being based on Italy, it should have a medeterranean climate, therefore melanin, but I digress. Okay so the Sumeru deserts and Natlan are close to the equator. Inazuma would be closer to the South Pole and has a harsh climate hence people not getting sun. (This is also ignoring places like Fontaine which is based on France, where yes, Black people exist in real life, but I digress). The only playable characters with dark(er) skin as well as NPCs are from Natlan and Sumeru (and also Xinyan for some reason).
We also know from Dainsleif, Halfdan, and the Sinners, that they use Norse names. Also Khaenri’ah being underground would mean they got little to no natural light. So it’s safe to assume pureblood Khaenriahs are white as fuck.
With this knowledge, wtf is going on with Kaeya?
We also have to examine how this curse works. If all the non pure bloods were turned into monsters, it’s safe to assume they can’t reproduce. Also judging by Kaeya very clearly being a child in the past and growing up with Diluc, it’s safe to assume that the modern Khaenri’ahns have a normal lifespan (unless being halfblood is what dictates that). It may have diminished or weakened over time, throughout the generations. We don’t know the exact mechanics but we can assume that Kaeya has a normal lifespan. I know Hoyo is gonna try to say he’s pureblood and not explain stuff but logically, no. When he sees Dain he comments “you’re a pureblood Khaenri’ahn” implying that, he, Kaeya, is not that. Also there’s the Sumeru trip when he was young. Assuming that his father is the one with the Alberich surname, which makes sense judging by how surnames usually work, we can assume that Kaeya’s mother was the one who isn’t Khaenri’ahn.
We can assume that the only Khaenrians who could reproduce from that original cursed generation were the ones who retained human form (pure bloods). We can also assume that Kaeya is a descendent of one of Clothar’s pure blood children. He probably had an affair with Caribert’s mother out of wedlock. We can also assume that more blood mixing naturally occurred over time. So either Kaeya’s family has been mixed for awhile and it’s no big deal, or more likely, Kaeya’s father had an affair with Kaeya’s mother out of wedlock. Judging by how dark he is compared to the majority of characters, his Indian inspired outfit for his in-game skin, the trade trip to Sumeru, when he was young, and the geographical proximity, it’s safe to assume that Kaeya’s mother is probably Sumerian (and likely from the desert and Eremite affiliated). I could go deeper into what I think may have happened but for sake of brevity, it’s very possible and likely that one reason Kaeya was sent as a spy and to Mondstandt and not made an heir to the clan has to do with the fact that he’s an illegitimate child.
Okay, another additional note. Ragnvindr is a Norse name, make of that information what you will.
#sorry but I overthink everything#I have autism#genshin impact#Genshin spoilers#kaeya#khaenri'ah#wtf is going on#abyss order#I have questions#I’m not trying to be racist I’m only observing how the game itself uses skin tone#which is obviously a problem because dark skinned people exist in European countries#and don’t get me started on Sumeru and Natlan#im white but genuinely enjoy diversity because if everyone was like me that would be boring#all types of diversity like race gender age ability etc#if they’re gonna take from those cultures they should commit#point is that this is a separate issue#but something is still up with kaeya#im just observing what’s actually in the game#plus the clothes and stuff#like Kaeya’s alt outfit#no way that dude is Norse#also like geographically#if tayvat is similar enough to earth#it’s not gonna be 1 to 1#but you get the idea#when they made kaeya their either had some big lore planned or were just trying to be diverse and are now backpedaling#if he’s descended from Clothar and he’s normal age the curse must have faded through generations#also question where are all the other immortal people from that curse#where is Clothar#unless I missed something
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Books of 2024: WOODWORM by Layla Martinez.
Up next! Still in my Haunted House Era™: Translated Lit Fic Edition!
The great thing about being on several indie bookstore mailing lists is that you then have Several Indie Booksellers recommending you new releases published by independent presses, which almost assuredly I would not have stumbled across on my own. This one's just a little guy (149 pages), but I've been looking forward to it all year. Will report back on how it goes!
#books of 2024#books#book photo#nano2024#woodworm#layla martinez#i have however been periodically inverting the title ALL year lmao#i can never remember if it's woodworm or wormwood#the longer i stare at the cover the more intrigued i am by all the little details#AND IT HAS ILLUSTRATED ENDPAGES BABEEY#black pages white line drawings#EXCEPT: the outer page (the one you see first) is like. Normal House Drawing#and the reverse is HAUNTED House Drawing of the same rooms (ghosts blood mold scratches disembodied hands etc)#it's very cool#oh and it's Two Lines Press and i've really enjoyed most of their stuff that i've read so far!#good little translation publisher do recommend#general lit fic usually isn't my genre but my exceptions are for 1. weird shit and 2. international shit#i'm still idly trying to Read Around The World#i'm not interested in mundane US based stuff but i'll read contemporary or lit fic in a different culture or country#this one just happens to also be perfect haunted house nano prep lol#ONWARD TO READING I GO#hh
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something i noticed in america when i visited was that many places still had their christmas trees up into late january, but here in australia it’s kind of considered tacky to have it up past boxing day.
when do you normally take down your christmas tree? and if u don’t celebrate christmas, when do the decorations in shops etc normally get put away? (pls put more in tags)
#tumblr polls#polls#poll time#pls put ur country in tags! bc im nosy#at all my jobs u have to have christmas stuff away on christmas eve so it’s not there when they open boxing day#but my family would normally leave the tree up for a week or so#my mum gets antsy if it gets past new year though
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13, trying to prevent yaz from spiralling when they get separated: i need you to do a deepdive into eschatology
#fghgjhjhggh#'yea i know this sucks babe but we'll figure it out the fate of the world is on your shoulders i believe in you kisses <3'#like thats where you'll end up right#'find out when the aliens come try and take over'#eschatology and death cults and conspiracy theories probably#forced to sift through like centuries of that stuff for years on end trying to find the Real in all of it#and you cant.......stop. bc the world will end#i dont think you come out of that.................normal#even with the best starting condition you dont come out of that normal but yaz is like#functional only by virtue of her circumstances i think#she looks fine bc shes standing next to 13#i dont think shes normal under the surface#i dont think 4 years of apocalypticism left her untouched#dan either i mean i dont think anyone comes out of that untouched but these two are like barely keeping it together beforehand#can you imagine how WEIRD theyve become#can you imagine how obliviously and kind of unsettlingly weird they'd be in support groups#the others would get it like sure none of us are really normal anymore but like#i think they'd be weird#4 years of having to depend on each other and not knowing if you'll get back home and having to take The End Times seriously nonstop as a#matter of urgency and duty#and then losing the third member of your party?#dan and yaz will be so weird and fucked up#iknow im repeating myself but im just trying to put myself in the frame of mind of#having to take intepretations of the end times seriously for 4 years#when youre already like a lowkey suicidal person to begin with#i think if yaz hangs out with 14 she'll say such weird and fucked up things entirely obliviously and he'd be like O.O#she probably still has 1900 habits that show up unexpectedly#or like just miscalibrated. has to take a trip to another country and takes a train bc she forgets planes exist#has to look up somethign and just goes SIGH. gets her coat to go to the library. and ryans like ??? ive googled it#and shes like oh fuck google
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see I can’t accept charles’ comic background and socioeconomic status as canon for the show because if I did that would mean the whole group would be a bunch of rich kids and that’s a horrifying concept
#ranging from vaguely upper class (niko and charles via comic logic) to presumably quite wealthy (edwin) to straight up ultrarich (crystal)#well off but doesn’t own a mansion -> owns a mansion -> owns several mansions in several countries#but yeah that aside. I don’t like the idea of him being raised upper class or even upper middle and yes I know he went to a private catholic#school that presumably costs a decent amount of money but for one we don’t Know how much exactly by that point in time (I’m assuming it was#more prestigious and expensive back in edwin’s day) and it’s not like middle class or even working class people can never afford#to send their one (1) kid to catholic school. like that’s really not too unusual. I know this is an american example but im thinking about#lady bird and her catholic school situation- her family was financially unstable and still paid for Catholic school because it was (in their#opinion) the best offering for an education in the neighborhood (and as someone who lives in the same city in the same Area of the same#city I can tell you that that choice does make sense even for a non-catholic. the public schools round here can be uhhhhhh rough)#so im seeing charles’ situation sorta like that#his dad seems like the type to want him ‘kept in line’ and ‘whipped into shape’ and I think he’d pay for that if he could manage it#idk something about charles is just……he has an appeal by being the Normal Kid amongst them. not raised as anything special. not having all#his needs met. never expecting to do anything super grand with his life. just a city kid yknow#anyway SOMEONES gotta know how to cook. I don’t think crystal or edwin have ever had to cook for themselves in their lives and niko seems to#live on instant ramen and i mean I bet she can cook very basic japanese meals but that’s about it#please for the love of god tell me charles learned some stuff from his mom and can cook an adequate meal#I know ghosts don’t eat but shut up#rambling#charles#dead boy detectives spoilers
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u ever see a mildly iffy post and look at the comments and just think “wow, everyone here is so fucking unpleasant in their own special way”
#comments on a post abt i/p stuff nd no one can grasp the concept of it not being 1000% black and white#it’s possible for both groups to be indigenous to palestine and it’s possible for both groups to not be able to “return to where they came#from”#as yk from what i know it’s pretty impossible to leave gaza at all and also most israelis r refugees from really bad antisemitism or r#descended from them#and also its possible to talk abt hamas and antisemitism w/o denying the genocide going on and vice versa#and its really fucking easy to not dehumanise regular israelis/jews and palestinians/arabs#like it’s so very easy to not do that#innocent palestinians don’t deserve to die bcz of the actions of hamas#innocent israelis don’t deserve to die bcz of the actions of the idf#and neither deserve to be displaced (probably into unsafe conditions) bcz u don’t think they’re indigenous enough#so many of u act like either palestine is just a country of antisemitic terrorists or israel’s full of fascist soulless militants#both r incredibly xenophobic (and racist or antisemitic to be more specific abt it)#idk i’m just so tired of ur ability to not be normal abt this while there r people dying#i would say “it’s online discourse ppl r just like that” except this is very much bleeding into real life and existed before the internet#long before the internet#so it does very much affect real life so idk just be better please#sorry tangent in the tags#ryan shut the fuck up#antisemitism#racism
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Me and @nosleep83 just got done with two weeks of school with 2 bomb threats and a lockdown cause of a shooter how r we feeling💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥 (america get ur shit together no one went to school in fear of dying 30 years ago)
#school threats#tw bomb threat#tw school shooting#someone fix the school systems#america smd#i love my country but this is NOT it#america get ur shit figured out#no one should live in constant fear#50 years ago no one even worried about this stuff AT ALL.#THIS SHOULDNT BE NORMAL
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🤧🐀🌧️🌊
#need to clear my head;#im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn#trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come#nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired#i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out.#like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u#also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my#eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm#bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna#be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk#idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not#sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow#nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just#dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to ://#i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool.#then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway..#im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀#im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks.#but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol#im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired#i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do#anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can
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3 7 17!!!
Hi!!
A song you’d choose to introduce someone to your favorite genre:
Uhhhh. I used to use Wanna Talk About Me to convince people country isn't that bad. It worked.
This is how I was introduced to it btw:
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These days I'm more likely to recommend someone like Darius Rucker (Wagon Wheel, it was all over every popular radio station here a few years back) because uhhh I am not a conservative Christian anymore. It's been. Interesting. I hate it, honestly. I'm glad I know better now, but believing in something was simpler.
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I was thinking the other day. That the fact that I don't want to let go of things like this is probably related to how the church told me to get rid of everything "demonic." I got rid of some comic books I loved because of that. They burned a tapestry I got on a mission trip (while we were still on the trip) because of that.
I don't want to burn it. I want to keep what it means to me and leave the bad shit behind.
Anyway. I don't know if most people know that Darius Rucker is black. I keep meaning to build a list of black country musicians, because they get a lot of flack from racists.
I don't actually have a favorite genre. This one is just inextricably linked with my upbringing.
A song you know every word to:
I'm slowly memorizing most of Dessa's discography, I think. Very thankful for the person who introduced me to The Bullpen.
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Yes, it's Marvel. The editing is great. Shh.
Dessa has this line in Dutch that says
"I keep Pope in glovebox, Plath on the dash"
I think that's a good way to summarize her writing. There's a play on words every other line. It's the sort of shit I could probably write essays about. I love her.
You kind of have to be in a specific mental place to appreciate her, I think. I wasn't ready for her at first when another blogger on here started mentioning her. Most of her lyrics are kinda moody and jaded. It felt oppressive until I got sad enough.
She tried to write an upbeat song and came out with something melancholy. She kept trying and came up with one of my favorites, and she's still comparing love to a business transaction. I'm obsessed with her.
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"Sealed with a kiss, signed with an epipen
You gotta tolerate some risk if you wanna make a margin
Wanna make a friend? We can live a little large and split the dividends"
Listening to an album feels like reading a book. I like to mix it up most of the time, but sometimes it's time to just listen to a Dessa album again.
If anyone wants a simpler option, I sang Can't Help Falling in Love to myself at least three times today. There's a lot of options here, really.
A cover song:
Haley Reinhart's version of Benny and the Jets. First time I'd heard a woman growl. I want bucketfuls of this please. I'm not kidding, please give it to me
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#dessa has this one recording of a live performance where she's like 'yeah i had them scan my brain to see if i could ever stop being sad'#i think it's in her book but idk if I'm remembering correctly#i shouls see if i can check that out#'hadn't learned the word for melancholy yet' babygirl was depressed#i think that one is from children's work?..#her younger brother didn't speak for so long that her mom thought something was wrong#'dad said you'd be fine i thought you were the prophet of 1989'#if i go over every favorite dessa line I'm gonna be here all day#'laced drill bits to my pointe shoes#piroutte through the hardwood to hit paydirt'#'they say there's good grief but how can you tell it from the bad?' GOOD QUESTION#that one guts me#fire drills and and and and and#okay. okay. okay. I'm normal. alright.#asking games#i don't like the rest of haley's stuff as much because it's more polished tbh#gimme growly#GIMME#anyway#I'm pretty sure you weren't looking for country music recs with this#i wasn't really expecting to trigger the religious upbringing tripwire either#it is what it is.
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did we know this
#EYE did not#i knew they were friends but naming your kid after someone is very much not mere friendship sjsjdjjdjdjdjsj#just bro things! naming your kid after your buddy moving to another country because he asked you to#him sitting in the WAGs box for almost all of you games in said country#him following you back to your country after his divorce#going on midnight motorcycle rides and calling each other at all hours of the day#you know. normal stuff
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whats ur top 3 orville peck songs!!! top 5 if thats too hard. Im looking for new music to listen to :))
Orville Peck my beloved
First, Bronco as an album is just Perfect. There are no misses it, it's a beautiful piece of art. I would recommend giving it a listen all the way through.
But picking actual songs, oh man. Alright.
Daytona Sand
Lafayette
Hexie Mountains
Hope to Die
Turn to Hate
Any time I do this and pick a song, I then go "oh but this one! and this one!" But those five are regularly on. Honorable mentions to "Come On, Baby Cry", "Take You Back (The Iron Hoof Cattle Call)", "Drive Me, Crazy", "Buffalo Run", "Winds Change"...
#i love orville a normal amount for sure#his newest album stampede releases in full this week but it's all duets and i haven't loved it as much as his solo albums#fun stuff and has the cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other with willie nelson which is fantastic#and i'm excited for the rhinestone cowboy cover#but because it's duets they're not as Orville to me#so all my recs are from pony. show pony. and bronco#but again - fun stuff on there and it's more poppy which may appeal more to some people#would love to know how you like him (or don't!)#i have friends who listen to him now because i'm so obsessed (and i have good taste)#and i have friends that indulge me but still don't like country so don't like him#they're wrong but it's alright and we are still friends#sharkneto speaks
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this is the funniest thing I've seen all week. American news site: let's end today's news recap on a good note! our country is a flaming hellscape! have a good evening!
#have never actually checked their 'daily recap' or whatever the fuck it's called I normally just read a few articles abt important stuff#then check other news sites etc whatever#couldn't believe it when I got to this part though like hey! good vibes! we are miserable as country!#erin explains it all
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spotify why r u recommending me a song called "Dicked Down in Dallas"
#spotify just played it n i thought it was a normal country song so i wasnt rly paying attention then all of a sudden bro starts singing abt#getting “butt fucked in boston” 😭⁉️HELLO!?!?!?!#like snapped me out of what i was doing#cam says stuff
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Me, coming back to Tumblr after over a week just to post 'I think I got a good grade in therapy today - something both normal to want and possible to achieve'
Actually, I've been rather depressed lately, which is why I haven't been here, and I am still struggling with depression, but yeah.
#crystal visions of lilies in the valley#I've missed you all. I've just been depressed and the things that normally make me happy aren't helping as much lately#including Tumblr which is why I haven't been here.#besides; no one wants to read my ungodly lengthy thinkpieces on Big Country (of which I've actually only written one#I guess but still have not actually finished - hi M. you know the piece I'm talking about 😅 ).#I'm just struggling with my mental health which also makes my motivation to do stuff I usually like to do way worse#so yeah I'm sorry 😓 but ILY all
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you literally couldn't make up the shit that goes down in politics in this country i'm telling you
#there was a. like. internal election for the new party leader of one of the biggest parties#and there were two kandidates it was all normal on saturday they announced the winner etc etc#and then TODAY someone realised that they had miscounted the fucking votes#so they checked the fucking microsoft excel sheet#and realised that NOT ONLY had they miscounted the votes they ALSO MIXED UP THE FUCKING CANDIDATES#MEANING THEY ANNOUNCED THE WRONG WINNER#i'm laughing so hard literally what the fuck is happening this entire country is a shitshow oh my GOD#anyways um. hope your days are going normal#noah's stuff
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