#all my autistic friends are very certain im one of them though so like. I GUESS

[woolydemon]

don't fuck with me I'm undiagnosed but suspiciously detail oriented to an immense degree and able to catalogue that information excessively when it comes to something I am super interested in

[scapegoated-if]

it occured to me belatedly that since youve only played 3 COG-system i.f.s that you MAY be unaware of code-diving?

it can be helpful if you want to study how other COG-system authors organize their code, or how they accomplished a bit of coding that you admire. (like this isnt a critique or anything, im surprised how many times you have scenes repeat per branch. it's not good or bad to do that, it's a style choice. tone in text is hard, so im just reaffirming youre fine and im not judging. anyway, i assume its a style choice anyway. it is not one ive seen often. so, for that style of coding, idk how many other i.f. authors youll find do the same, but im sure youll still find it fun to potentially code-dive in other people's demos and explore how they organize things)

it can also be helpful to know readers can code-dive and read your code and, if you happen to have spoilery label-codes within it, get hints from it. one of my favorite demos, Mind Blind over at the blog @/mindblindbard had no idea code-diving was a thing until code-divers themself informed her they could see that she wrote the secret identity of the Supposed To be Nameless Villain in the code. she was informed really early in the i.f. though, so VERY few people saw that whoopsie as she fixed the issue immediately and was much more careful about potential spoilers in her code

to code-dive is really easy. all you have to do is go to the dashingdon demo in question, and after the final backslash in the link, add the word "scenes". and then you click on which chapter you want to read the code of. that's it. idk how to code-dive on itch.io, you are on your own there, but i enjoy the simplicity of this. it helps me a lot in understanding stats and the tone/consequences of certain scenes that my autistic ass may not have picked up by accident within the text itself

anyway, thats a thing that people were talking about a lot in 2020 thats now been kind of Unsaid in years since, one of those "if you know, you know. it's an open secret, or i guess not 'secret', just... a thing that exists that we moved on from doing tutorials of and discussing after The Brief Time We Did Them, good luck finding that tho" type of things i guess?? idk how to explain it

anyway, just something that occured to me while reading the three demos you mentioned. i have a google doc of all my favorite authors, their blog-names, and demos, my MCs names and other short facts about that MC's playthrough, and i have like.. over 30? idk. point is, id love to add more to your list once you, on your own time, publish the ones you tried and liked. feels potentially overwhelming to bot wait until youve comfortably caught up in what you already are reading. besides, all the ones i favorite might be already ones you know and therefore making my recommendations moot lol

i digress. bye! have fun!!

I was going to keep this anon ask in my inbox just to have it stored for myself, but I thought this may be useful to any fellow new writers or anyone interested in developing their own IF; even anyone reading IFs in general that may be curious about the implications of certain choices.

I have been given some useful advice about my convoluted coding on CoGs (which was how I was alerted readers could view my coding at all haha). I won’t be making any changes to the Prologue as of yet, but I have applied these tips to Chapter 1–that so far is functional as far as I’m aware thank goodness.

I will apply code-diving to Scapegoated, thank you for letting me know it exists!

In general, I don’t mind anyone seeing my coding, simply because there aren’t any spoilers outside of what occurs in each chapter at a time. I feel like I conceal a lot, even to myself, just for the sake of keeping myself in the headspace of where I am in the story. But this has been extremely useful to know, you have no idea!

You’re the goat for this, friend.

Stay groovy!

[dancedance-resolution]

opinions welcome, though this is mostly for me to talk out my feelings since my friend is overseas and can’t call. warning, ns fw

so i’m seeing this person A. we haven’t fucked yet (but will be able to starting monday when their kid brother they live w goes back to school) but the sexting has been incredible, it honestly feels like they were lab made to match all of my desires kink-wise. this is my first time seeing someone who matches my sexual wants so perfectly like that.

today they told me they have realized that they are only interested in me + sex w me if this is something romantic/committed. our interactions and their feelings during/after sexting have sort of confirmed they are demi. some text excerpts:

ddr: so does that mean you want to have this turn into something romantic/committed? slash need that to fully be able to engage with it?

A: definitely the last bit

then a bit later:

A: and if you do want to step back, i think now would be the time because i’m not to the point where i’m so attached that it would really hurt

so now i’m wondering. 1. am i capable of engaging in a romantic relationship with them? and 2. do i want to?

i want to address question 2 first.

pros:

match sexually

autistic

medium:

we don’t have a ton in common but also i never have a ton in common w ppl i date? or even my friends, my closest friends we usually only have 1 thing in common that forms the base of our relationship….the things we have in common is autism, dyke, very similar living/career/school situations. we don’t have any fixations/interests in common, but i don’t with quite a few of my friends tbh bc they’re always changing for all of us.

they’re attractive. in medium not pro bc i didn’t have the same “oh i need to fuck them immediately” level of attraction like i did w jill, but yeah

cons:

still undecided if i enjoy spending time w them in person. they are less than a year younger than me, but this is my first time in a relationship where i feel like the other person is noticeably younger than me. usually im the “young” one in the relationship since i live w my parents, work only part time but am not in school full time, and have the energy of a younger person generally. and i don’t know how i feel about that.

if i keep things going w them, i risk hurting them like i hurt sam, and i don’t want to do that esp since i know what they need and id be choosing to keep things going w them even though im not sure i can be what they need

okay now question 1. am i capable.

honestly i haven’t had a romantic relationship since jill. everything felt so perfect w her, the sex was incredible, i loved her personality, she was kind, i loved her family, i felt like i fit in her life perfectly, and i saw a future w her. am i mentally holding back bc im waiting to achieve jill levels of perfection before allowing myself to enter another romantic situation? and if so, does that mean im still caught up on her over a year later or does it mean im holding an unrealistic standard in my brain that i wont feel love unless it looks + progresses exactly the same as it did w her?

wait new question 3. do i want a romantic relationship at all? like not even specific to them

my immediate reaction is yes, but not yet. in some distant future i want to settle down and have a wife, but i feel so young to be doing that yet. why waste my 20s on something committed when i can instead spend that time exploring and learning what i want? like with A, i’ve learned that i enjoy certain kink elements beyond just internal fantasy. what else is there out there for me to learn that i would miss if i dated for commitment rn?

here’s what i know:

i like sex

i want to have it

i want to have different experiences with it, discover new things

i know what i like, but i also feel like there is so much more for me to learn and so much more possibility -> and i don’t know if i can limit all of that learning and exploration to just one other person

hmm question 4. what about polyamory?

if A is cool w me not being sexually monogamous while in a romantic relationship w them, would that make dating them more feasible?

well am i capable of non monogamy. i only have so much time in my current life situation, and meeting new ppl, esp new poly ppl, takes time and effort. i see myself never actually pursuing others, getting bored w A like i did with sam, and then breaking up w them and leaving them hurt.

maybe i should talk to my coworker taylor about this. she said i was ruthless (but in a complimentary way she said) when i told her i broke up w sam bc i was bored.

hmm sub question. will i get bored with A.

i certainly do not see myself w them romantically long term, as in wife material. this goes back to being unsure if i enjoy spending time w them in person, but i don’t see us as compatible enough to be fucking wife material. i don’t want to enter a relationship with a pre set expiration date on it right, but wait fuck actually

what if we entered this with an expiration date. like what if i proposed to them that we trial run a romantic relationship with an expiration date of ,say, midterms or the election. at the end i will say whether i have discovered myself capable of a romantic rs w them. however this also runs the risk of hurting them since that’s more time for them to bond w me, and also a lot of time for them to be mentally unsure if im meeting their level of romantic commitment yk?

okay but here’s the bottom line. i am only even considering a romantic rs w them bc i am interested in sex w them. so in a sense i would be disrespecting the boundary they set and just using them for sex. like is that an accurate picture of what’s going on here?

lol the obv answer is just end things w them. choosing to continue would be selfish, though one could argue if i commit to fully fully TRYING to be romantically committed to them during the trial run (and ofc am transparent w them about it) then it is not selfish bc im not using them for sex while disregarding their desire, i’m using them for sex while also trying my best to meet the boundary they set that they need it to be romantic?

hmm okay so these are my thoughts for now. opinions welcome, esp if you think i’m being an asshole here PLEASE tell me if i am bc i fear i am. i have not been on the other side of this type of situation before.

i will probably reblog w some more thoughts later.

[valerieality]

WAIT I GET A TAG I LOVE THIS !!!! u must tell me all about ur fantasy dr now omg

RAAAAH OKAY. Im working on a Notion thingy that I'll link when its "done", and i loath everyday that i havent figured out the magic system yet, but heres the super basic outline:

- Its a european medieval fantasy setting, magic and mythical creatures and such (the only humanoids are like. Elves and Humans though, so not quite high-fantasy)

- I live with my adopted dad + mentor, Cassius, on this collection of floating islands called the Peregrine Islands

- Dragons are a fairly big part of the world but are severely under researched, so we work in a government funded program to study dragons. but this usually means just dicking around with them lol

- Gods are real (though not all powerful). the two primary Gods are Celia of the Moon and her sister Seraphis. Seraphis is commonly known as the sun goddess but shes technically a god of twilight and dawn. Celia's followers are all very different with different styles of worship but generally Celia sends signs through dreams, where as Seraphis dormant because every few hundred years she makes these big "miracles" and exhausts all her power

- The 9 levels of hell are real and each level has a legendary weapon associated with it. In order to keep the 9 Hells closed, the weapons are sealed away in each of the 9 capitals of the world. Eventually one of them (I dont remember which weapon it was my b <\3) gets stolen by this shapeshifter mf and pawned off to pirates but idk where that plotline is going juuust yet 👀

- im Super Cool and also Arospec in this reality so in my dr i naturally have a love triangle goin on 🤘 plan is polyamory but we'll see how it goes lol. One is a boy-next-door type from an old-western-style town me + Cassius visit sometimes, other is from an arctic tribe with these cool seaglass beaches i found on pinterest and immediately adopted into the universe jdbsksbsj

- yeah generally Stuff Is Going On LMAO but 99% of my time in my DR is me going on research trips, special requests from the princess, and housekeeping for dragons lol. eventually im gonna have to write a wholeass BOOK on them and even defining what a dragon IS is going to be such a task oml. but i <3 my work

- other animals like jackalopes and unicorns and phoenixes and merfolk will exist for sure for sure for sure, but ive always been autistic about dragons and that WILL NOT change there

- My riding dragon is a pretty common one but hes my bestest friend ever ever everrrr. Hes an orange + white feathered wyvern called Solstice and I'd die for him a thousand times over. His species typically keep to family groups in these like, year-round autumn forests near the peregrine islands? but during certain times of year theres like. 30-50 of them hanging out in fields to even out the food sources yk. without the camouflage of the forests they just rely on strength in numbers :] i have to go every year but honestly its a vibe. theyre a very docile dragon lol

- Cassius' riding dragon is a very serious girlie called Juno !!! Cassius worships Celia of the Moon very dutifully so even his dragon is moon themed lol. Juno is like a SUPER DUPER rare kind of dragon where they have a really long life span because their eggs almost never hatch. they only hatch on eclipses, and theyre super fun too because if they hatch during a Lunar Eclipse you get the horned variant (Juno), and if they hatch during a Solar Eclipse you get the frilled variant :D!!!! I gotta sit down and properly design them one day but AAAA

- OH Familiars also exist here!! they basically work as like a reservoir of magic if that makes sense? The spell it takes to get one is super tedious and draining but Cassius helped me with like, support spells so i managed. Familiars basically either can double the strength of one spell, or allow you to cast an additional one. They can take on basically any shape so long as its mobile because magic isnt stationary. Mine is a blue tiger cub named Tybalt/Tibby (Hes based on my favourite stuffed animal lol). most familiars are semi-tangible and pretty small - Tibbys about the size of a small rabbit. Familiars natively make like. Wind chime/glass clinking noises :3

[cacturne]

hello beloved mutual i rarely interact with directly i see you too have an oc named Aya this is an invitation to infodump about them 🐒 <- me politely sitting down to listen

NO WAY!!! HELLO BELOVED MUTUAL WHOM I HAVE KNOWN FOR YEARS BUT RARELY DIRECTLY INTERACT WITH!!!

i made aya for an oc rp server concept when i was about 15 with a group of friends, where the gimmick was that all ocs would be based on a song. Of course, as a guy who liked vocaloid at 15 years old, it had to be copycat by circusp

Augh old art but im pretty sure(?) this is my first drawing of her (though a lot of art has been lost to the deleted server ether so im not certain)

her original concept was that she was a teen idol who put up appearances because the idol industry sucks and kind of lost who she was as a person in the process, thus mimicking others personalities back at them instead.

this, however, was kind of almost immediately ditched as i integrated her into a different rp server since my original one never took off. Also it was really hard to copy other ocs personalities when you were autistic and didnt even know your own personality. So she retained being an idol with issues but that was kind of it, just being commentary on how the idol industry sucks.

over time pieces were added to her backstory, her mother (single parent) died in a car crash which is also how she lost her right eye. Before she died Aya promised her that she would become an idol, so as any smart person would do she pushed aside the horrific trauma and jumped headfirst into a cutthroat and ruthless industry. (What happens next may shock you! (Mental breakdown))

to be honest, it was never elaborated on much past that since the rp server she was in was a royalty au, so her modern setting of course would not fit at all. The whole idol thing was mostly ditched not very long into it, only really serving as a barebones motivation if it ever came up. It would definitely be fun to flesh her out more! She is one of my most beloved old ocs (certified by my friends who were in that server) and i, also, love her so dearly. She singlehandedly started my catgirl loving!

Here is some art i doodled of her more recently when i was reminiscing on that rp server and pulling up old art, thank you for reading!!! And thank you just as much for asking!!!! :D

[arg-guy-with-a-camera]

you ever watch death becomes her??

it's a very neat movie! it's dark comedy but it's a little bit of a body horror film

still very good though, watched it with my mom

✰ Jay's Movie Review ✰

Movie: Death Becomes Her

✰ Plot: 5/5 Gods this movie was funny, and the premise was very interesting and fun to think about. Honestly wish there were movies like this made now so we could use the new movie/film tech we have for special and practical effects like the neck twisting all the way around and the bodies falling apart at the end! Honestly Helen and Madeline are toxic yuri and I support them

✰ Set Desgine: 5/5 LISLE'S HOUSE FUCKS SEVERELY oh my gods practically drolling over the big sets with details and ough, i feel sick its so awesome

✰ Special Effects: 4/5 the effects in this movie had me floored. They were so cute and funny and oh my gods just so silly. Sometimes a little tacky (madeline falling down the stairs) but other times there were too noch (the hands going from old to young) and that's not even taking into consideration the neck breaking and such. They might not have been the best quality compared to some other movies but they made me laugh and felt perfect in the movie to me. <3

✰ Costuming: 5/5 that red/pink dress Helen wore was fantastic, absolutely stunning (god i'm a fashion nerd too aggghhhhh) BUT LISLE. oh lisle. if i was attracted to women i would want to kiss her so so so bad. i do want to kiss her. not even kiss maybe just sit at her side those OUTFITS DARLING wow. also her vibes matched so well and wonderful, once again, fucks severely.

✰ Sound Desgine: 4/5 i didn't have to use subtitles :3 sometimes the effects of thunder or lighting made certain lines a little hard to hear but hats a personal thing cause im autistic and struggle with words and such, but it wasn't the whole movie and the audio mixing was pretty damn good!!

✰ Top Characters:

Lisle, gotta give it to her honestly she had my heart. vibes: toxic. Love her tho lol

Ernest, my boy deserved better, wonder what his life couldn't been like if he hadn't met Helen or Madeline. vibes: babygirl. Glad he had fun after 50 tho

Helen, between my two main girls i like Helen more, she's just- a little more deranged. a little more fucked up honestly. vibes: one of those stickman with the blood photos. Her eyes when she had gotten shot was HORRIFYING babygirl don't look at me like that i'm shaking (positive)

✰ Top Quotes:

"Where did you put my wife??" "She's dead sir. They took her to the morgue." "the MORGUE?!?? oh she'll be FURIOUS!"

"Do you know what they do to soft, bald, overweight republicans in prison, Ernest?"

"You're a fraud, Helen! You're a walking lie and I can see right... THROUGH YOU"

✰ Overall Rating: 4.8/5

(rating is taken from the mean of the scores above)

Thank you for the ask!! Hope i gave a good review, i watched the movie as soon as i saw this ask, and have not seen it a second time as i like to do with most movies i watch! I though it was really funny!! Defiantly one to share with friends!!

- J

[theorahsart]

hi im really sorry if this comes off the wrong way, but I saw your comic and I wanted to ask a question. thing is the 'gradient' version of the autism spectrum made a lot of sense to me. cause I literally do feel "a little autistic" (again I'm so sorry if this comes off wrong! I don't want to be one of those people who's like everyones a little autistic) I have a little bit of a lot the symptoms but not enough/causes enough issue to actually be autistic/asd. e.g. I struggle with eye contact occasionally - sometimes people look over their shoulder and I realise I've been staring over their shoulder instead of making eye contact - but again only occasionally. I occasionally struggle with sarcasm (I used to struggle A LOT but I've gotten better) but again only really a little more than average - not nearly as much as my family for example (I'm fairly certain my mum has ASD but I don't want to armchair diagnose). I used to be overly sensitive and prone to tantrums but not really any more. I am definitely INCREDIBLY PRONE to stimming. routines - I am very prone to routines, the only way I get things done each day is by having a specific order I do them in and I get uncomfortable when someone breaks that routine - but also my own inability to do things and manage my time causes me to REGULARLY break my own routines. I get overstimulated by lights/noises/smells, more than average but not really that much that its debilitating, and not any more often than my friends or family. the one that finally prompted me to send this ask - I just recently learned that autism affects motor control and I recalled mum saying both her and I have poor spatial awareness which I think relates to motor control.

HOWEVER again even though I kinda have a little bit of everything im definitely not autistic. I speak with a normal tone and I only have very slightly poorer social skills than average. I didn't have any delays in development - started speaking at the right time and all. also all my symptoms are slight and none interfere with daily living.

anyway my point is the "little bit autistic" made a lot of sense to me and I was wondering if you could consolidate what I experience with the points you've made? or maybe what I'm experiencing is just normal, maybe everyone struggles with eye contact, understanding expressions etc. from time to time, in which case im very sorry for wasting your time and downplaying autistic struggles

Hello anon! Thank you for the question- I'm sure lots of people maybe wonder the same thing, so I will answer as best I can (I'm sorry for the long answer, I like giving lots of context)~

So first of all, yes, everyone struggles with all the same things autistic ppl struggle with from time to time. As you say yourself, the only point to really have an autism label is that we need to separate the 'from time to time' from the 'has a significant impact on my life and needs exploring'.

Its messy and complicated and, since by its nature is a social difference, will probably be defined in a different way in the future and was defined in a different way in the past. But yes, ultimately, if it isnt impacting your life enough that you feel the need to explore the label, then maybe you aren't autistic.

HOWEVER

People are as complicated as labels for social differences lol I'm not you and dont know you. People who've had to grow up suppressing themselves in order to fit in, often learn to put up with a base level of discomfort that becomes the norm for them, and they think they're doing just fine and then realise at some point that they're really not fine. Or they think theyve had anxiety their whole lives when in fact they were surpressing sensory issues. Or they've never learned emotional vocabulary and had no compass to guide them in looking at their own feelings, therefore ignoring negative feelings. The human mind is very good at ignoring things and maladapting.

Basically, just because someone says something doesnt impact them, doesnt mean that's neccasarily true. So I dont want to answer your ask with a simple 'if you arent suffering then you're not autistic' cos thats not how human perception and self knowing works.

I'm afraid my very unhelpful official answer is: 'A little autistic' doesnt exist (it really doesnt, autism is too complicated for such a nice simple label as that!) but if you feel that label previously worked for you, then you may want to do some self reflection and think about why you felt you wanted or needed that label. Maybe you should reflect on the reasons behind the autism traits you feel you relate to.

ie. is your occasional lack of eye contact

- due to you fixating on the moments when you dont make eye contact

-due to you feeling naturally inclined to not make eye contact but forcing yourself to do it out of politeness

-due to anxiety/shyness

These answers could all mean you have autism or not autism for different reasons, but when you start to think about the why behind any of these reasons and talk to people about these reasons, it can help you to understand yourself better, which could lead to you deciding you're autistic, or maybe looking into other things such as ADHD, or realising you have some emotional trauma to deal with, or just making pecae with who you are.

But right now, the fact youve sent me a very long message listing various traits suggests you're not entirely at peace with who you are and are looking for answers! I would take that to mean that you *do* struggle in some way, or are at least feeling your experience is not a normal experience. This seems like a good time to start exploring how different you are or are not to others and what that means to you. I know thats a very therapist kinda answer, but I hope its some kind of helpful for you!

[lovings4turn]

BUMBLEBEE!! This event looks so cool! Could I pretty please ask for a 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐈𝐍 ship for the Marauders era, no gender preference?

Some info about me:

So, my name is Dolly (you knew that), and I’m a panromantic asexual person. My gender is… weird (😂), because really I think gender is an odd social construct and I don’t really care what people refer to me as. I’m also autistic, and some of my special interests include musical theatre, books, true crime, superheroes, and mythology of all different kinds and cultures. I don’t get the opportunity to talk about my special interests a lot, but once I do, you’ll have a hard time getting me to stop talking.

As for hobbies, I spend most of my time either reading or writing fanfiction (and sometimes original short stories), listening to music, and watching movies or TV shows. I mostly like all kinds of music, but I’m not really the biggest fan of rap. I’m also really into true crime podcasts, and I have a love for older TV shows, such as M*A*S*H and The A-Team, as well as all the Marvel and DC movies and TV shows. I’m also a pretty decent singer, at least depending on who you ask. I really love books, and my ultimate career goal is to be a librarian (although if you asked me my absolute dream job, the answer would be a voice actor).

Personality-wise, I kind of cycle between being bubbly and cheerful and quieter and shyer (a textbook ambivert, me), but no matter what, I always do my best to be a good listener and to make my friends (which includes you now!!) happy, because I am very loyal and I love them a lot.

Alright, hopefully this wasn’t too much (😅). Thanks in advance for the ship, and I hope you’re doing well, my love!! ✨🧚‍♂️💞

dolly !!! thank you so much ohmygosh — of course you can! hope you're doing great ,, sending so much love and im so lucky to call you a friend!! 🖤

i'd have to ship you with . . . 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧

+ right off the bat, i think that marlene would be absolutely enamoured by you! she more than agrees with gender being an odd social construct, and is always asking you about your special interests, not just because she loves seeing you happy, but also because she's genuinely interested by what you're saying. she makes little mental notes of a few things you tell her that she can use in conversation later.

+ marlene especially loves hearing all about mythology. she's hooked onto your every word as you explain certain myths from a range of different cultures, and also insanely impressed that you manage to have so much interesting knowledge to hand. absolute heart eyes whenever you're telling her about your interests, and she'd happily sit there and listen to you for days on end if you asked her to.

+ your dynamic is definitely giving grumpy gf x sunshine s/o, but marlene is always a ball of sunshine around you, it's crazy. you manage to bring something out in her that no one else can - though she appears incredibly intimidating and outspoken to other people, she practically melts whenever you come around, and everyone loves teasing her about it

+ marlene always wants to hear about what you're currently reading or writing, and if you allow her to read your writing? she's praising you to no end, peppering kisses all over your face and telling you how impossibly talented you are. she also loves how diverse your music taste can be, and so loves showing you all of her favourite songs and bands to see which ones you also like.

+ when she finds out you can sing? she loses her absolute mind. stands and stares at you with her jaw fully dropped - she's somehow managed to fall even harder for you, something which she didn't even think was possible. even though you insist you're only decent, marlene won't hear any of it, and insist your voice is beautiful. it never fails to calm her down when she needs it, like after a stressful quidditch match or an argument with one of the slytherins.

+ another thing marlene admires about you is your loyalty and dedication to your friends - it's one of the first things she noticed about you, actually! it was only when she realised that it was a little too easy for you to make her happy that she started suspecting some... deeper feelings were involved.

[swiftfootedachilles]

people are so weird how are u gonna bash a well meaning person and then refuse?? to tell them?? WHY you’re bashing them?? if ur post was offensive then explain why jesus christ this is not how u have healthy useful dialogue with people, it’s just piling unnecessary hate and cruelty on someone. i’m really sorry you’re being treated so shittily by this fandom, i love your posts.

hey thank you so much for this. the handful of people ive talked to have been very understanding of my side and agree that it seems like this person already didn't like me and was looking for a way to renounce me+my posts

truly, i don't know why she feels my posts are offensive. i hate the idea that a jewish person feels i was antisemitic and fetishizing jewish culture. i researched antisemitic fetishization tropes in opera during my undergrad program. ive always tried my hardest to understand minority communities that i am not a part of, without overstepping and seeming like a white knight/savior. i have always been guided through life by my ethics and a burning need for social justice. i want to fix this!

i was really pissed off yesterday and used more aggressive language in my posts and replies. today my head is clearer but im just as confused. i never expect minorities to do the emotional labor of researching topics for me and handing everything over on a silver platter. i will gladly educate myself, but i cant do that when i don't know what i did wrong. this isn't a situation where i did something clearly wrong and there's an obvious gap in my understanding - ive asked multiple friends where they feel i went wrong, and all of them have said they aren't sure

one very kind person messaged me about how, from an outsiders perspective, they were reminded of other situations where autistic people have their words or actions purposefully misinterpreted, and that seriously opened my eyes. OBVIOUSLY im not saying this person is accusing me of antisemitism because she hates autistic people. but i have often experienced people purposefully misrepresenting me and getting mad without explanation. everything starts out good, great even, and i build a script with which to interact with others. but eventually, you get very comfortable and stop following a script, start to unmask a little. and suddenly all hell breaks loose.

you're not acting right. you said the wrong thing. who would say something like that? so inappropriate. and when you ask for clarification because you genuinely do not know what you did wrong, all you receive are eyerolls and more hate because you should already know this, im not gonna spoonfeed everything to you. you're an adult figure it out yourself.

like i said, i don't think she's, like, hating on me for being autistic. i think ive gained a certain reputation (of what i don't know) in the shameless fandom, and people are projecting their preexisting judgement into me. this means that they don't actually want me to apologize. they don't care. they think i am already not a good person and just want to point that out to me to shame me into saying sorry because they think it'll knock me down a few pegs. whatever. my real offline life is much worse than getting mildly ganged up on on the internet. ill survive. i still want to finish my mickey embroidery and my edits/webweavings and my fics. maybe i will, maybe i won't. like ive mentioned many times before, i have pretty bad rejection sensitive dysphoria and i need to be reassured i will get feedback on my works before i ever post them. my fics were already being ignored by most of the big fandom writers - i think those will just have to be scrapped because i genuinely cannot take hollowing out my chest and putting it to paper only to get a few nice comments/kudos. the embroidery though, that's for me. i definitely wanna do it. the other original posts like webweavings, idk maybe i really don't know

[goobie-goo]

YESSSS no the fart cloud’s name is dimple (or ekubo in the manga? i think? either the manga or the sub but i watched the dub so i call him dimple) and he sucks and its so funny. he and dallas would constantly have beef

both of those statements about mob are 100% true LMAOOOOOO hes very autistic

LMAOOOOOO I LOVE DALLAS FOR THAT!!! idk if you’ll ever watch mob psycho but for the last arc in every season those parental insticts are gonna kick in HARD. like CRAZY MEGA SUPER DUPER. wild. also i think dallas would 100% do the thing like “ur coming with me” but mob has so many friends and family who care about him!! and reigen!!!! he would say “no its ok. thank you for offering though” and dallas would stick around as a personal bodyguard (side note!! mob psycho is a show with a lot of themes about forgiveness and acceptance and how people can change, so i think it would be really cool for dallas’ character development if he was able to learn some of that in the mob psycho universe. obviously not for people like his dad, but maybe he would learn to forgive some of the mob psycho antagonists like mob did! i feel like all the stuff about acceptance would also probably help with some of his own mental troubles, especially with such a supportive group of ppl like the ones in mob psycho. seriously everyone in that show is so cool)

(yeahhhhh 100% LMAO. if he was around for some of the fights in mob psycho he would 100% start typing up some adoption papers lemme tell u)

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAA ohhhhhhh reigen arataka. HATE HIM SOOOOO BAD (im enthralled with him)

he runs a spiritual consultation office called spirits and such (basically ppl come to him if they’re being haunted or something and he + his employees will go exorcise the evil spirit causing it), where he employs mob for like 300 yen an hour (very high pay), because he needs mob to exorcise the spirits since reigen doesnt actually have any psychic powers

in the show there’s a few people who think that reigen is just exploiting mob for his own benefit, and maybe thats how it was when they first met like several years ago, but over time reigen shows that he genuinely really cares about mob and prioritizes his safety over all else. in the last arc of season 3 (spoilers but ill keep it vague) he literally runs into almost certain death to go save mob and AGEHEUFUYDJEDN MY HEARTYTTTTT…. THESE FUCKING GUYSSSSSSSSS ISTG. not to mention the final arc of season 2 where mob and his brother and his friend (bf basically /hj) are in the antagonist’s base and theyre about to fight and reigen shows up like “why tf are you guys beefing with middle schoolers. whats wrong with you grown ass men.” and he kicks the shit out of one of them LOLLLLL

but back to dallas.

i think at first reigen’s super dramatic demeanor (he is VERY dramatic. diva💜) and how little he pays mob would definitely rub dallas the wrong way and i think he would also assume that reigen is exploiting mob and maybe not like him very much! which is. understandable. if you met a 28 year old self proclaimed psychic who had this middle schooler do the work of actually exorcising spirits while only paying him like $2 an hour you probably would be wary of him too

but!! i think over time dallas would see and understand their relationship more and he would maybe think reigen was an alright guy

i think it would make the most sense for dallas to show up right before or very early on in the story so he can get the full scope of these characters and stuff, since by the end all this character development stuff already happens and there isnt a ton for dallas to do

i already have comic ideas……….. oh yay

oh shit im gonna be late for school TTYL POOKIE!! LMK WHAT YOU THINK

was hit with a sudden bout of inspiration

dallas in mob psycho!!!!! at spirits n such (a buisness ran by one of the characters in the show) and some angst potential

ME. RN. :[[[[[[[[ /POS

AAADVGFDSCH IT’S THE GUYSSSS IT’S MY BOY WITH YOUR LIL DUDE EEEEEHEHEEEEEE *dissolves into neurodivergent screaming*

he looks so perturbed lmao. ‘the green dude is calling ME a freak? what about them?? flying shit looking ass…’ AND HE LOOKS SO CONCERNED FOR MOB IN THE SECOND PHOTO IM GOING TO COMBUST :[[[[ /pos that’s adorable idk even know if i’m picking up the stuff right but AASUGHSG F D

i will cry. right now. /th (<- /j)

[pigdemonart]

Answering your questions and comments! Pt2

This is for most of the anon questions I got! 

I actually haven’t considered that! Part of me wanted to say accents aren’t a thing in Unova, but then I remembered the infamous nugget bros...and their catchphrase “nuggetabout it!” It just makes me wish every single character in Unova was heavily accented in all variations. But to answer the question, I haven’t given it any thought at all so I can’t say! 

I’ve answered this before I think? But my point remains the same. My art of them features them exclusively in a platonic way!  However, I don’t mind the ships, and I don’t mind people seeing it in such a way. I get comments all the time where people joke about “Elesa and her two malethings + her gf Skyla” Hell even I joke about it sometimes. But it’s all in good fun. 

I love all this Ramses love. He IS the best and you’re both 100% correct!! 

wags finger. this is inappropriate behavior. 

I don’t have a discord server (don’t plan to make one) but I share a space with my partner in their vtuber server! It’s a place where we share our work, promote ourselves and others, and chat a lot about fandom stuff. If you’re interested in joining, send me a DM!

OUghguUGHhh thank youuu.

OKAY. I’ll be cynical for a second: From what I’ve noticed (this is a small observation, not a factoid) I think a lot of submas fans are new to Pokemon…so are maybe not used to gamefreak being huge disappointments yet. 😩 in my experience, they tend to drop lore or plot points and then ignore them for years.

I have no expectations for the sake of not getting my hopes up for nothing. ;-; though, it would be wonderful considering the themes. Even a subtle nod would make the submas tag trend on twitter without a doubt LOL

Wuahh…thank youuu…i love drawing… LOVE !!

EEEEE! I haven’t had the chance to draw up more big gay unovan family stuff yet, but Im glad its enjoyable to other gen 5 lovers. I do love imagining all region characters knowing each other in some way. 🥰 everyone has differing opinions on ingo and emmet but they can agree unanimously they are little weirdos.

;-;)9 its what im here for,,,

I have a whole comic script written for it…very emotional…verrrrryyyyy…gestures familyyyyy themed. But ah, we’ll see if I ever get to it!!! Sitting atop my pile of unfinished projects.

AAAAAAaah I super appreciate this!!! You’re so sweet!! Thank you!!

I hope I can keep making you smile.. its a very big motivator… ;w;

YEAAAA GOOD GOOD GOOD. THAT WAS THE INTENTION. THATS CRAZY THAT YOU CAN HEAR IT TOO LOL like obviously its near impossible to make sounds with comics, but I’m glad THAT part got to your brain HAHA!!

Fellow burgh lover i see you, I understand you, and i respect you.

Hahah, I haven’t really given it much thought, but I genuinely believe that three of them are some of the toughest trainers in Unova. I would say they got far enough to reach victory road. The twins’ talent speaks for themselves being battle facility bosses, but Elesa is nothing to sneeze at either. Since i like to HC them as childhood friends, it only feels fitting that Elesa was not only able to keep up with the twins, but probably bested them several times.

Maybe some daaaayyy….i love Adaman’s design (even if wayyy to many of the charcters are wayyy to pale eeergh)

Im always thinkin to myself i need to have comic ideas in order to draw certain characters. But I forget I can just … draw them……without giving them a reason to be. SO maybe someday haha! Im glad you like the way I drew him though lol!

It’s not so much that its canon (don’t believe much has been confirmed about them except they are clown inspired and have receding hairlines) but it’s apparent and obvious. I would dare say it’s not even debatable, but with these sort of headcanons, you have to consider that the people that feel strongly about it are more likely autistic themselves and therefore know more about the subject.

I recommend reading posts by @/1863-project! They go into detail about every detail and honestly it’s allowed me to learn a lot about how to write the characters!

https://1863-project.tumblr.com/post/676301481415262208/ingo-and-emmet-are-both-autistic-and-i-will-die-on

He’d eat his hat, I think.

Any kinda ugly, kinda clashing patterns... Turtle necks, or long coats. Outfits that are different, but still kinda match.

OH eelektross jacket…..

Anything that says transman swag…lmaooo

Im not very fashion forward myself, but I try to have fun with it. And when I draw them, i have unspoken hc for when they dressed themselves or when Elesa had an opinion.

I did draw them doin the based ball once…

But honestly, I don’t particularly think any of them is huge on sports apart from maybe getting excited by extension.

Unless of courss battling considered a sport?

Personally. I don’t think either of them gets mad often. Frustrated, annoyed, and cranky maybe…but all the way angry?

Kind of interesting to think about. I’m unsure if I’d describe it as scary. More so intimidating because it’s so rare to witness!

I’m reminded of how passively Ingo handled Melli’s fuckery…his customer service voice fell back in time with him. It can be attributed to his politeness, but it certainly takes a great level of patience. So yeah, honestly, I think Ingo would never allow anyone to see him completely angry. Similarly for Emmet, even though he does tend to be more expressive.

As of today, my commissions are currently closed!! But i welcome all inquiries!

It feels nice and warm… ;-;

Ah…………that description is so sweet…….thank you!!

Sadly i did picture that twilight scene with edward and bella JNFNDN BUT THE SENTIMENT STILL STANDS.

Tis a very very cute thought!! She’ll adopt some of their train themed phrases..since some of them are technically puns. Heehee..

Indeed. 🐷

THANK YOUUU!!!! AAAAAAA!! Thank you so so much!! Sometimes i worry more about the writing than the art itself, so it means a lot!!

[drdemonprince]

hey i know what im about to ask for advice for isnt ur experience but i thought its possible someone else in ur audience has had a similar one its just starting to get unbearable. im in my early 20s and an autistic lesbian. im almost done with college, have had good friends here, have had good friends online as well, but to my knowledge no one throughout my entire life has had even a crush on me. ive never kissed anyone, no one’s asked me out, even as a kid at recess or whatever. like sometimes i even wish a boy had paid attention to me in that way because maybe then it prove theres not something wrong with me. its just so isolating because literally everyone else in my life has at least been kissed or had a crush situation by the time they were my age. ive tried to talk on dating apps but i just have zero confidence about it because no one who has actually seen me or talked to me for more than a couple times has expressed interest. maybe im oblivious to it being autistic but like i would know if someone said something explicit you know? i feel like it wont ever happen. idk. i think it would help to know if people thought the same things about themselves and then something did happen for them. because it just feels like im the only person alive with this experience who actually wants these things to happen (like i know ace/aro people are out there, its just not me)

Thank you for your question. I'll share some of my thoughts, with the huge caveats that I have not lived this experience, and hopefully readers with more relevant perspectives could also weigh in.

I notice here that you describe yourself and your relationship to attraction in terms of things happening to you, or you receiving certain kinds of attention. You frame yourself throughout this as the possible passive recipient of attraction. But what about what you want? How often have you expressed desire to somebody? How frequently and in what ways have you initiated contact, told someone you were interested in them, or invited someone on a date?

You mention using dating sites and talking with people, but those conversations never turning into anything more. That seems to be a very common problem in the lesbian dating world. I think a lot of women do not feel confident and comfortable in expressing their desires outright and it seems to lead to a lot of grinding of gears and people assuming that nobody is interested in them when really all parties involved feel too shy and disempowered to use their words and directly ask for a date.

I understand that to be a very common thing for queer women, though admittedly it is difficult for me to wrap my mind around as someone who was telling people on OK Cupid that i wanted to meet up and fuck them that evening back when I was like 21 years old, and who moves through the realms of steamworks and grindr and the cell block bar dancefloor now. I've had many interpersonal problems but telling somebody directly that I wanted to bang or even to hang out has not historically been one of them, and I really wish I could just lend some of that hutzpah over to my lensbian siblings because I hear people grousing about how dry apps like Lex are all the time.

It seems pretty glib and unhelpful for me to say "just act more like a bluntly direct gay autistic man" and to say that would be to ignore that a lack of confidence and queer women skewing a bit passive are probably not the only factors you're dealing with. There might be biases working against you like fatphobia, racism, or ableism that incline fewer people to openly express desire for you, and that's a real problem that operates outside of you and that no amount of self love can eradicate, and I think it's validating and important to just acknowledge when the deck is stacked against people.

But there are lots of people out there who will want to date and fuck you, for sure, even if you are dealing with any of those injustices, and additionally, I doubt from your message that you're doing anything particularly weird or off putting in your messages with people on dating apps that's like driving anybody away. You mention that you have a lot of good friends and that things are otherwise going pretty decently for you in life, so it really doesn't seem to me like anything you are doing or bringing to the table is "wrong". And over the years I have known a great many lesbians and wlw who were very social, outgoing, fun to be around, cute, and a total romantic prize who just did not fuck or date until their late 20s or 30s or beyond, because of some of the social forces I already described (and again I encourage my lesbian followers to contribute to the conversation because I know it's not my lane and I might not be explaining the phenomenon correctly).

If you haven't, I would suggest showing your dating app profile and messages to some trusted friends (maybe some gay men as well as other queer women?) to get a variety of perspectives and some reassurance.

But I think, based on the admittedly limited information that I have here, that you just need to approach people more and more directly, and that slowly through that you will become more comfortable with initiation and rejection, as well as with seeing yourself as a sexual being with agency, rather than a passive receiver of others' interest.

Try telling people directly that they are cute, that you like them, that you want to be around them, that you'd like to kiss them, that you'd love to go see a movie with them or tie them up or finger blast them or that being near them makes you happy or horny or etc as the situation warrants. If you havent already that is!

[c-kiddo]

I think the M9 are just one big nd queer friend group (yes this is because irl me and my best friends make a purely ND + queer friend group) and I love thinking of how they would adjust to the comfort of that over time. Like leaving stim toys out to share (I think jester would have a big horde to share), using each other to casually pressure stim, automatically adjusting for each other's sensory issues and stuff. I also think they would all know sign language, I hc Molly would have learned and then taught yasha (who totally goes nonverbal), and beau and Caleb would have learned on their own (Caleb because he's autistic like yasha and beau because she wants to understand her loved ones). I think cad would have invented a different basic sign language with his siblings or something....sibling bond you know? I see cad, Caleb and Yasha as like. The super autistic trio. Caleb got diagnosed young and taught them about it and cad is like oh there's a name for that in my family nobody questions it....*goes back to organizing tea* and Yasha would be like. Oh I'm not a freak for that I thought I was just clinically weird....*goes and sits in a corner and doesn't say anything for 3 days*. Jester and fjord are absolutely an adhd t4t bi couple I don't think that needs an explanation. Beau is adhd too for sure and maybe also autistic. Veth and Molly idk I could see veth as any combo and Molly is. Molly. Maybe the token nt idk lol I was never that attached to his character lol. Ok that's it for now but I literally think of nd m9 all the time like every day, campaign 2 is my second biggest spin so these are my favorite headcanons to read and think about 🙂

wa yea,, tmn totally are queer + nd friendgroup solidarity. also i think they'd share some stimtoys, but also have their own too, like jester (token rich friend) buys them cool ones, colour coordinated and everythign :-3 she bought cad a chewy necklace thats purple n a gemstone like the amethyst on his staff and he thinks its so epic cool, now his hair doesnt get crunchy from chewing, and his sleeves dont get weird-smelling.

also ye!!! they all sign for sure. theres a bit of a mix-up in the beginning tho because some of them only know certain signing, especially cad.. his family use their own one based on sylvan signing (headcanon they speak sylvan at home too, and giant, then common after those two) and things made up by him and his siblings too. caleb probably knew a zemnian version of signing but its similar enough to wildemount common signing that its ok, plus he's good at memorising and learning the new things anyway. him and beau also end up learning sylvan signing to help communicate with cad if he cant talk and sounds are too much. also for sure think molly n yasha have some signing variation they used, though maybe they made it up together, especially when molly showed up and couldn't speak yet. and it just went on from there and ended up being very useful. also i think molly goes between not being able to speak and speakign 100mph, like often its one or the other lol. (headcanon molly had the fantasy magic version of a traumatic brain injury, caused by souls leaving and being dead and things. fantasy magic, astral sea, brain attacking, things)

also agree abt caleb having known he's autistic for a loooong while, diagnosed as a kid because he arranged everything into rows and only wanted to read like 1 book over and over and hid from noises. yasha definitly just went through life thinking she's weird,, i mean, canon. lol. and ye!! thats a cooll idea abt cads family having a name for it.. he's like, oh, this is [word for it in sylvan or somthing], me and belle and my mam are it (probably more or all of th clays but ,thats jsut an example).

okie okei, last bit. bullet points. speed round akjdna then bed time. adhd t4t fjorester so true. i think veth has nd girl swag for sure, but im not sure between adhd and autism, besides other things bc i could totally diagnose tmn with all sorts of neurodivergencies not just those two. (caleb ocd moments, beau bpd momence, cad quiet type bpd, if you may, as a treat)...... also nt molly is a funny idea 2 me. i think he's nd for sure. not autistic, he's too spontaneous n theres nothing in canon rly i can turn to autism..... so, i shall have a think. definitely brainweird for sure. oh ! oh molly psychosis haver for sure. molly cad and caleb all psychotic. euhh h yeah i think thats all this is long ramble now i should go to bed

(same hat @ cr2 being 2nd biggest special interest hellyea )

[pixelrhys]

this has been rotating in my brain at 100 mph and my brain is also like “make this an ask blog” but i already have like 3 ask blogs i need to update orz

anyway grocery store au bc the idea is funny (and also bc i work in a grocery store. the holidays are coming up. im struggling to cope.)

i only have the gym leaders so far but i’ll draw the elite 4 eventually... and maybe some of the side characters too (like riley, cheryl, etc)

anyway here’s the rundown on the gym leaders (also bonus sona):

Roark:

- Unlike how I draw his canon counterpart (decently tall) and unlike his canon self (just having a good time :]), this guy is STRESSED and SHORT.

- applied for this position because it’s away from too much noise.

- Early 20s, autistic, and lives with his dad. Trying to find some college classes though! 

- Has good relationships with all of his coworkers.

Gardenia:

- Easily runs between departments. Floral isn’t very active anyway so it isn’t hard.

- Usually works with Cheryl and they’re BFFs.

- Seems to have a stronger relationship with Candice, Roark and Maylene.

- Mid 20s but she’s getting through it just fine (Or at least that’s what everyone else thinks).

Maylene:

- This is her first job as she just turned the appropriate working age (16).

- HATED that that was the only position she could have. Luckily they won her over with the cart gathering, as she is strong enough to push more than the others.

- Hot-headed and competitive with the other clerks.

- Good friendship with Wake and looks up to him.

Wake:

- VERY nice guy but kinda stupid. Big himbo.

- Somewhere near or in his 40s.

- Can be very loud and tends to pat people roughly on the back as a sign of affection. This often knocks people over because he’s pretty strong. Only Byron and Volkner seem to be able to take the pats well.

- Used to be a wrestler before deciding to move to something less extreme.

Fantina:

- Usually wears makeup and usually looks younger than she actually is. If anything, she’s close to middle-aged.

- Actually LOVES baking, especially little poffin-like pastries. She sometimes brings snacks for her coworkers.

- Still dramatic as hell and has dreams of being famous one day.

- Has an interest in the occult. She enjoys sharing ghost stories and Gardenia isn’t a huge fan of them.

Byron:

- Is the one who managed to help Roark get his job in the first place. Tends to be a little hard on him but only because he knows he has potential and wants him to succeed.

- Has a resting bitch face sometimes but he’s not actually that mean. Gets a little grumpy but other than that he can be cool to hang around. In his mid 40s.

- Good friends with Wake and Fantina. Fantina mostly because her station is right next to his and she tends to talk a lot.

- *hands you a piece of cheese* *hands you a piece of ham* *hands you a piece of cheese* *hands you a piece of ham* *hands you a piece of ch

Candice:

- Her job is to make sure certain items are in stock. She likes to hang out in the giant cooler in the back of the store though.

- Can be a little hyper depending on the day.

- Around her mid 20s like Gardenia.

- Is the one who is getting pins for everyone for their aprons. Not everyone has one yet but she’s working on it.

Volkner:

- Around 30 years old.

- Actually has pretty bad depression but never brings it up because he doesn’t care that much. He’s already on medication.

- Pretty repressed and aloof. Despite this, he isn’t actually a bad guy. Years of mental problems made it hard for him. He still gets along well with his coworkers, especially one of the managers (Flint, who worries about him a lot). Customers don’t seem bothered by his attitude as no one’s complained about it yet.

- Great with electronics. If the cash register breaks, he fixes it no problem. Tends to go overboard when he’s not feeling anything and causes power outages at his house.

AND SONA

Fitzgerald:

- Works in maintenance but sometimes goofs off when no one is looking. Mostly hangs out in the back with Roark or in the breakroom.

- Same age as Roark (Early 20s) and gay as hell.

- His living situation is actually pure shit. He lives in a small, messed up apartment so he never lets anyone come over. Doesn’t bring this up and avoids any questions about it.

- Strong friends with Roark and that’s about it. The others (Especially Byron) think he’s a little too annoying for their tastes (They don’t hate him though, but Byron is watching him like a hawk).

[aikalie]

What my autism means to me

To me, my autism has affected almost every aspect of my life without me realizing it. I've always been a really social person, but it's always been easier to be social online. I've been praised many times for how easy it is to make friends, except it rarely feels like people genuinely want to be around me. When I was younger, I saw interacting with people as a form of "practice" to learn how to interact better. At some point in each friendship, if they go on long enough, someone will misunderstand something I say. I'll say something matter-of-factly and they'll get unreasonably upset without me knowing why. Trying to resolve these issues usually just makes it worse. Without me realizing, the very literal things I was saying were being interpreted as having some kind of hidden meaning that was seen as highly offensive. Realizing I'm autistic, at the very least, gives me an understanding of why this is happening and gives me a chance a fixing the problem instead of just being abandoned without knowing what I even did.

Knowing I'm autistic has also let me learn how to communicate. I'm able to tell people "I mean this literally but" or work out ways of communicating with people who don't get it. There's still hiccups sometimes where people want to believe I'm some demon but I do my best. My girlfriend is also autistic and our communication, while not always perfect, is something special. We're able to communicate our needs clearly and explain if something upset us or if we dont understand something. Communication is always a work in progress, but knowing I'm autistic was like a huge arrow in the right direction to learning.

Social etiquette is another beast entirely. Following specific rules for specific places made little sense to us. If you're in a fancy place why should you wear clothes that are restrictive and only act in certain ways? Why should I do this or that when I just wanna act like myself? Acting how we want has made us come off as carefree or childish to a lot of people, or cool to others; Meanwhile I simply just don't understand the social rules well enough to follow them or care. It's inappropriate to bring a plushie into the office and cuddle it while working? Why though, like serious answer. They're something I love, and I'm here all day and they help me get my work done better, why should I not have one aside from social etiquette.

Stimming is another thing I've had a lot of internalized shame about. There were a lot of things I do that I didn't quite realize were stimming, like playing with my hair or cracking my knuckles. But something like rocking back and forth when im happy or sad has always been see as a negative autistic trope, so I forcibly stopped myself from doing that and felt a lot of shame. I've felt way more comfortable with myself since I let myself enjoy these things. Holding some kind of toy or a plushie to stim with helps me keep focused. Knowing I'm autistic has helped a lot in letting myself stim more for positive effects and not guilt myself about it.

I've always had a weird relationship with food. The types of foods we like depends on who's fronting in the system, but oftentimes we prefer foods without too many conflicting flavors. After learning about autism, we realized texture plays a massive factor in our diet. One food we all universally hate is mashed potatoes, we cant even eat french fries if they're too soft. People always gave us shit about this like "who doesn't like potatoes what even are you". I cant stand their texture, it repulses me. A bunch of other foods are like this too. We always were believed to be a picky eater, but most of the pickiness comes from texture issues. We also tend to have foods that we can eat 3 times a day for weeks on end, nothing but that food. Even people we were close to kind of thought this was weird but just went along with it. One day we just stop eating that food suddenly. Everything made a lot more sense when we realized it was the autism, and we're able to not hate ourselves for being so picky now.

Not only with food, but our senses play into things a lot more than we realized. We're not as averse to fabrics as much as others may be but we still keep to comfortable clothes and materials. We really like blankets and plushies, they're really soft and make us comfy. When it comes to sounds, something like a crying baby or sirens are miserable. We were told we were being immature when we were younger for covering our ears from bad noises, we didn't understand why noone else did. I realize now that because I'm autistic, those bad noises actually cause my physical agony, like my body is screaming out, while for neurotypical people those bad noises are merely uncomfortable. We prefer small, dim spaces with lots of soft objects over anything else. We often have trouble processing speech, so it can take a few tries to recognize what someone said. This makes listening to music hard as after a dozen listens we still probably won't understand what the lyrics in a song are. We tried noise canceling headphones before, and cutting out the bulk of sound really helped our mood. Sensory input can become incredibly overwhelming without realizing it.

Stuff like pattern recognition with autism? We're not amazing at patterns persay, but sometimes we're great at figuring things out in our own ways. Routines never made sense to us, but with the magic of autistic literal thinking, we thought routines were like "you only follow a planner of what to do every hour". In actuality its more like, you prefer doing certain things in certain ways or orders. We shower every morning, we dont feel properly awake if we don't. After a shower we need to put lotion on our whole body or we feel wrong. We put silverware away specifically spoons, then forks, then knives just because that feels like the way they should be ordered, even though it really shouldn't matter. A weirder one we didnt understand why others didn't care but our blanket needs to be on the right way, with seams downwards and the tag by our feet, anything else feels wrong.

Realizing we had autism made us feel less like we were quirky little weirdos and let us learn to be happy with the way we are. It's impossible to explain every example of autism in our life, but since learning we had it we've been constantly realizing why we are certain ways and make sense of ourselves in a positive way for once.

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Oh my gosh so I also headcannon Jack as autistic! But im not comfortable with writing it yet because idk how. Im not autistic; my little sister is and i know a few things jack could have trouble with... but hes a grown ass man so i just dont know. Im definitely taking notes on what you write him as but could you give me some pointers?....maybe?

Im mostly referencing to Bitter with this

aaaa yeah it definitely presents differently in adults who've learned to mask, personally I don't plan to put certain things in specifically to talk about how he's autistic, I write with the background knowledge of what traits he displays, and then express them when relevant, it's relevant a lot with Jack simply due to how much it affects his life

now this is going to get long, so bare with me, because this is a whole lot more complicated than you might expect

there's really no one correct way to write Jack, since there's no one way that autism presents itself, the way I write him is based on a mix of myself and some people in my family, so I can give you a basic idea of what angle I personally come from

for one, I change the way I write about facial expressions and how emotions come across to Jack, in Jazz's chapters I'll write about the exact emotion she can see on their face, with Jack's I'll go with an obvious base emotion, but then if the person is expressing something more complicated, I'll describe their face in physical details

eg;

Jazz POV - Danny was upset, but his face was tight with frustration

Jack POV - Danny looked sad, but his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was set in a hard line

it's a subtle difference but it's one I try to maintain throughout Bitter, Jack's POV is based on how I have trouble reading non-obvious expressions, although in my case I also have trouble looking people in the face when I talk to them, that's harder to write in an emotion driven POV story, so I made Jack better at that than I am

his interest in machines is quite obvious, since he's an inventor, and he looooves infodumping on people, he gets very excited about his passions very quickly and his mouth runs off with him, something I also have trouble with, it hasn't been a prominent trait for Jack in Bitter, because he's so out of his element he's mostly confused and in a way, almost grieving his own death, so he's been far quieter than he usually is

his special interest is obviously ghosts and machinery, and in Bitter I cover that he's got a degree in engineering, physics and mathematics. He's good at them, I like to look at it as though Jack rolled high in intelligence and low in wisdom, he's book smart, he knows things that are straightforward and have firm rules, he's less comfortable in topics that are more wishy washy and vague, biology is complicated and has too many variables, he finds it difficult to grasp, there's no one standard rule that applies to every body

I also struggle with vague and unclear directions, I need a solid structure and clear instructions, my strength is in sorting, organising, alphabetising and colour coding, I like things to Look Right, I stick to a particular routine with very specific things, and it's viscerally uncomfortable and even distressing for me to have that order disturbed, I nearly had a meltdown at work because someone had done a part of my job incorrectly, and I had to fix it, it made me genuinely upset on a personal level, it was MY system, NOBODY should be touching it, NOBODY should be moving things around, they do anyway, and I spend a portion of my shifts just frustrated and on edge because of it

Jack also has issues socially, he often says or does things that other people find uncomfortable or embarrassing, I reference that in Bitter, where Jack assumes everyone is mad at him because he said or did something stupid, this I have much experience in, while in the middle of a social situation it's easy to just do what comes naturally to you and not realise it's off putting to other people, because people often play polite and you can't tell that they're uncomfortable, even though people around you find it painfully obvious

sometimes it's easy to see in hindsight after you've been told you made something awkward or uncomfortable, but in the moment if nobody says anything about it, you can remain either totally oblivious, or become anxious and second guess every interaction you have

Jack is the oblivious type, he's fortunate to live in a family that is fairly understanding, they might get frustrated with him, or embarrassed by him, but they don't really take it personally, they KNOW he means well, they know he cares, and Jack does care, he cares a lot, he feels things a lot, he's incredibly empathetic

this is a trait that a lot of media likes to ignore in depictions of autism, because I guess it makes people with autism seem 'too normal', when tv shows always want to be like 'hey wow look at this clever asshole! isn't he clever, but also an asshole! but you can't hate him because he's ✨autistic✨ and he can't help it'

that bothers me a lot, I mean some people with autism do have trouble relating and empathising with people, my brother is one of them, but some people with autism really empathise a lot, some of us feel things very strongly, I'm highly empathetic and it's a real struggle to cope with

so yeah, it is a very complicated thing, so you need to go in with an idea of what their character struggles with, how it affects them, and when it's relevant in the story, also autism falls on a very wide spectrum, some people, like myself, are able to mask well, but that creates a big issue with identity, when you start to wonder how much of you is real and how much of you is mask, then you have to decide if you want to lower that mask and accept the social consequences of expressing yourself naturally

I have a friend who presents a little more obviously, he's very rigid in his ways and he talks like he's reading from a script, I have another friend who can socialise just fine, but will go into a total meltdown when a plan gets derailed and she doesn't know what to do next

another friend I have is highly social and incredibly boisterous, she stims with her whole body, dances around a lot, she's chaotic and that can be off-putting to people, she's had to spend a lot of her life holding that back, she's only recently started learning how to be herself shamelessly

my brother was incredibly social when he was younger, and people always really loved him, but most of that is mask, he's socially anxious and just wants to be alone most of the time, and he's a total prick to his immediate family, I don't take that personally any more, since now I understand that he's so blunt and brutally honest because he isn't masking with us, but also he still needs to be called out when he oversteps, autism might be why he has difficulty empathising, but it's not an excuse to be a complete asshole, even people with autism need to be called out on shitty behaviour, it isn't a get out of jail free card, our self expression shouldn't come at the cost of hurting other people, most of us are more than capable of learning to not be an asshole

I know this is like, A LOT, but these are the things that need to be considered when writing about autism, it is an all encompassing thing that permeates your entire life experience, I absolutely welcome people like you to try to write about it! Because I think it shouldn't be a taboo subject, and I appreciate that you asked for advice and that you want to do it respectfully, you've probably seen first hand how difficult living with autism can be, having a family member on the spectrum, so you already have some experience to draw from, I don't know your relationship with your sister or how old she is, or where on the spectrum she falls, but if possible you can ask her about her experiences in particular situations that you're having trouble writing, if that's something you and she are comfortable with

I hope this helps, just remember to keep an open mind and listen to any feedback you might get, it is very VERY easy to misrepresent autism so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't quite get it right, if someone gives you a critique, take it in stride and use it to become better ~ you can even express that in an authors note, that you want to write it accurately and invite anyone with experience to share their opinion, because like I said, it is different for everyone and my experiences are not universal, and you're welcome to run something by me every once in a while if you aren't sure about it ❤️