#all might has absolutely 0 experience with women

[hotpotatopotat]

All Might knows nothing about women but Deku asks him about a crush...

Way to bury the lead Izuku

[linka-from-captain-planet]

Rating BG3 Ladies Stroke Game

My brain won't let me write my fics so have this shit instead.

Ratings based on vibes and also facts opinions (controversial: not everyone can be a sex god)

all the main and supporting women + my background babes: Florrick, Talli, Alfira, Lakrissa, Araj, Nocturne, Skoona, Adrielle, Z'rell, (ETA:) Nine-Fingers, and special guest star Philomeen

*Anyone can be trans and straps are for everyone regardless, so take your pic on homegrown vs store-bought and/or magical strap*

*Also sex is like pizza, so average results are in fact still pretty good. Only 2, 1, and 0/10 are truly trash dick. So a 5 or 6 is still a compliment!*

Lae'zel: 10/10. She pulls hair, she spanks ass. She has the experience, the athleticism, the drive, the romantic heart. Also the greatest switch to ever live as a simultaneous 10/10 bottom.

Shadowheart: 5/10. Her experience is mostly hand/mouth activities due to lack of privacy/places to hide supplies or apparati in the cloister. She has better ways of making a lover fall apart, but her stroke game is perfectly serviceable.

Karlach: 6/10. LISTEN. I see the vision as a tongue god, but she needs some work to hone her stroke game (too eager = painful, and a possible classic Bigger Is Always Better fallacy waiting to happen), and like SH, she's also not very experienced. She can and will ascend the ranks, but give her a minute to get there!!

Minthara: 10/10. We all know this. She has like 200 years of experience as well as the drive, focus, precision, athleticism, and heart. She gets RESULTS, but also is surprisingly emotionally available, so she covers all the physical, emotional, and psychological bases.

Jaheira: 4/10. Not her favorite, or her forte. CAN she strap? Yes, and it's satisfying, but nothing to write home about. A queen of the accessibility strap (thigh/hand harness GOATed... iykyk) due to her knees/lumbar hurting.

Isobel: 5/10. Perfectly serviceable, likes to tease, knows the technique and executes it well. However, being 5'2" with lung issues holds her back when it comes to higher intensity activities. Also an accessibility harness queen.

Aylin: 12/10. Has been at it since before anyone else on this list was even born. Once she connects emotionally to her partner, there's no going back to anyone else. Perfect balance of brutality and gentleness; she knows how to use her weight, and her aftercare is literal god tier.

Mizora: 0/10. Would probably be pretty good if she deigned to do it, but let's be so for real, pup!

Orin: ??/10. Either a 0 or a 10, no inbetween. A freak bitch for the daring sort who are willing to gamble on what she meant when she said she wanted to 'get all up in your guts'.

Florrick: 3/10. A perfect example of how a dominant personality doesn't always translate to an ability to top. Will do it, but focuses too much on technique and zones out and starts thinking about work. Definitely would rather be on the bottom being ridden VS putting the stroke effort in herself.

Talli: 7/10. A humble, ego-free, service top for all who enjoy a gentler lover. Hesitant to get too rough or nasty with it; she's got that +3 STR and she knows how to use it, but she doesn't want to hurt or disrespect her sweetie!

Alfira: 1/10. Sweet Alfie has many good and sexy qualities but she is never taking anyone to pound town ever. She will do it, and it might be fun and playful, but never "good" by any objective measure. Absolute demon on a slower, more sensual grind, but anything approaching "stroke game"? You're barking up the wrong tree.

Lakrissa: 10/10. Technically an 8 but gets 2 bonus points for being a random girl off the streets and not an alien, centuries-old elf, or demigod. Great dick does walk among us mortals!! She's athletic, she's flirty, she's fun, she's a known giver. She will work extra shifts at her bitch ass job to buy you a house, she will smash you through the floor of said house, she will fix the floor. The total package!

Araj: 4/10. Wears some kind of weird strap regardless of her own equipment because she loves the flair and drama of it, but isn't particularly skilled. Gets distracted. Bad top etiquette. Never shuts up. Still, she gets the job done.

Nocturne: 6/10. Like Shadowheart, her experience is limited by the lack of opportunity in the cloister; but as quartermaster, she would have a greater ability to obtain and hide supplies/equipment, so potentially more experience. Also, maybe as an officer, she was involved in more prestigious orgies?

Skoona: 7/10. Would rather be on the bottom getting pampered, but is an above average top due to always being expected to top. Also a very tender lover (not necessarily "stroke game").

Adrielle: 8/10. She has no choice but to break backs because otherwise, the weight of expectations she places on her own shoulders would break hers. Meticulous. Thorough. Is she enjoying herself? She doesn't know the meaning of the word, but being of service makes her feel whole, and that's what matters, RIGHT?

Z'rell: You Can't Handle It/10. Don't worry about it, maggot. It's not for YOU.

Nine-Fingers: 10/10. Your fingers will quake such that you sign over the deed to your house in her name and you won't even be mad about it. She knows how to work People- what makes them tick. What makes them BOOM. An unforgettable experience.

Philomeen: 20/10. It's the toxicity, I fear. If she can and will blow you up, she can and will blow your back out. It's science. It doesn't matter if she's 1/3 your size, she is FUCKING. You WILL hate yourself after.

[incognita-soul]

hey, i saw in your bio that you work on tall ships and i was wondering if u had any advice.

i’ve been on 2 tall ship sailing trips before (+some dinghy sailing) and got my competent crew recently so i’m pretty inexperienced. on those sailing trips i’ve met young adults who were working on the boats as volunteers. i’d like to be able to volunteer on tall ships one day.

do you have any advice for the best way to gain experience and learn stuff? (if possible on a budget). i’m taking a gap year next year and i’d really like to take the chance to go sailing and get better at it. (i’m in the uk if that’s relevant.)

absolutely no pressure to answer and i’m sorry this is so vague and clueless! anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this. your blog is cool :))

Heya! Thank you, and I'd be happy to give you my two cents! All of my boat experience has been in the US so take my advice with a transatlantic grain of salt, but here goes!

Firstly, two trips and some dinghy sailing and a competent crew cert is actually quite a bit in comparison to your average person starting out in the world of boats, so don't worry about feeling too inexperienced! You're already on a good track. I've been working on tall ships in some capacity for over 10 years and I still don't have any specific certifications (I've got a lot of experience and sea time, I just haven't had time to take any of my courses and exams for actual licensing).

Facebook is (unfortunately) still the best place to network, especially for international opportunities. There are a variety of groups that you can join. I'm personally in Schooner Bums, Tall Ship Opportunities, Women Who Sail, Crew Finder, and a few other private groups specific to the organizations I've worked for. A lot of organizations will post to these groups with job opportunities with specific requirements, so it's fairly easy to get the info you need. I'm sure there are a few groups specific to sailing in the UK. In the US, we have Tall Ships America, which is an organization that provides networking, training, and job opportunities for mostly US based sailors and boats. I'm not sure if the UK has an equivalent organization, but I do recommend even though you are UK based you should peruse their website, especially the Billet Bank, which is where job links are posted:

You're in the UK, so there are a shit ton of boats there but as far as I know most of them are museum boats that don't do a lot of sailing. I will say from personal experience that museum boats with a good volunteer maintenance program are great places to start for establishing a strong set of foundational skills (knots, understanding and maintenance of the rig, carpentry, etc.). You might not get much actual sea time with a museum boat, but you will learn the things that will make you a better sailor. I got into tall ships by working as a historical interpreter and then as part of the sailing/maintenance crew here:

https://www.jyfmuseums.org/visit/jamestown-settlement/living-history/ships#ad-image-0

Most tall ship organizations are based around education, both for the public and for the crew, so it's easy to find a boat with some sort of introductory training program relatively near wherever you live. These range from expensive pay-to-play working vacation type experiences, to paying a fee to participate in a structured comprehensive training curriculum after which you can become long-term crew, to volunteering weekends sanding and oiling blocks in exchange for the opportunity to sail.

Since you said you are taking a gap year, my advice is look for a short-term comprehensive live-aboard program that gets your foot in the door for staying on as regular crew, potentially even paid crew. Idk any specific ones in the UK, but here's the one that the last boat I worked on offers as an example of what i mean:

If you've got time before your gap year starts, try to find something local, like volunteering for a mueseum like I mentioned earlier, so that you get used to the vocabulary and foundational knowledge of boats. That way you can really get the most out of a more immersive program later on and you won't feel too much like an oversaturated sponge trying desperately to sop up more information even though your brain is leaking out of your ears.

I'm not sure if you're wanting to do tall ships longer term or just something one-off for the gap year, but if you're in it for the long haul just be prepared that it's a lot of hard work for not much financial return. I don't mean to discourage you, it's just good to know that upfront. On Lady Washington we have a saying that "we work on an 18th century boat for 18th century wages."

Unfortunately the tall ship industry is kind of hard budget wise. Most training programs cost quite a bit of money, most jobs are either volunteer or don't pay very well (industry standard deckhand pay in the US is about $1000/month), and most higher level positions require various levels of certifications (for which course and exam fees can run pretty high). You can do it on a budget, especially since most long term positions are live aboard so you don't have to pay for rent or groceries, but if you want to make a career out or it, it takes a lot of years of working for less money than you're worth before you start earning real money back.

Despite all that, working on tall ships is still an incredible and fulfilling experience that I recommend to anyone with a love of the sea and learning practical skills!

Sorry I couldn't give you more specific information, as I have yet to work on any UK boats. Good luck, and please tell me when you find a program that works for you!

[22degreehalo]

Okay I finished the movie. (Spoilers follow!)

I liked the parts about Barbie as an actual doll. I liked the ending! It was fun and creative and had some real emotion to it!

I didn't... enjoy the portrayal of gender.

The movie just really does not seem to want to face up to the idea that in the Barbie world, women are the privileged class. They hold all positions of power and property. Barbie doesn't even know where the men live?

Yes, it's all deliberately weird and surreal. But it's all just too weird and surreal to relate much to the real world. The climax relies on assuming that the barbies would essentially relate perfectly to a random real-world woman, which... even if it were true that all women IRL can relate to each other, their life experiences are just way too different.

(Yes, the patriarchy got introduced into Barbie land! But... how??? It's very hand-waved. Why would the privileged class suddenly completely turn the system 180 just because a guy came by with some books? It almost feels like a reverse-racism thing...?!)

And then, in the end, the kens still aren't treated equally. The movie jokes that 'someday' they'll have as much power as women IRL. But... we literally just spent the last hour exploring how shitty women have it. So now the kens have it even worse than that. And that's okay?

Again: it's meant to be dumb and silly. But we're also supposed to suspend our disbelief and live in this world for two hours. And the world just doesn't really jive with the tone. The more you think about it, the more you treat it as a real place, the less sense it makes. It only works if you laugh off the kens as just privileged white guys just because they resemble them.

Which, also! The movie in the end tries to be comforting to men and say that they don't need to be defined by their girlfriends or whatever! Which is actually a good message IRL: for too many men, being able to Date A Woman really is treated as the ultimate arbiter of human worth! (It... makes little sense in the world, where it seems like the kens really do need to rely on the barbies? But. see above.)

Except the entire way through, the idea of men having feelings is mocked and laughed off. Like I said, they imply that a gender non-conforming man would have absolutely 0 reason to fear violence at the hands of other men, which is... completely detached from reality?! Everything a stereotypical 'man' might care about is treated as being not really all that good, men's fears of abandonment or failure are eye-rollingly chalked up to 'egotism' (again, despite the status of the kens in this world), and when Ken cries at the end, it's presented as humiliating, as opposed to the dignified crying Barbie does on multiple occasions.

To be clear: I am not accusing the movie of misandry. I'm accusing the movie of being excessively cruel towards men who do not fit the stereotypical image of 'masculine', and then also being kind of pointlessly mean at those who do, as well.

Like, in the climax, one of the ultimate scenes of 'female empowerment' has the barbies pretend to listen while the kens play the guitar at them ('Push' by Matchbox 20, which is a good song IMO??? But it's treated as like. Objectively bad.), only to deliberately check their phone to show they don't care, then get up and talk to another man instead. And all of this is framed as, like 'playing on their petty egos and jealousies.' And not as like... them opening up? To someone they like? And trying to do something nice? And then being hurt when they don't feel the connection they wanted?

(Also men getting angry at other men, or staging a 'war', is treated as entirely petty and silly and kinda funny. Just an 'own goal', so to speak. Which, again, feels very insensitive when men... do in fact violently attack other men over reasons like jealousy.)

(Also also it's treated as super arrogant when a man tries to help out a woman who is literally saying aloud that she doesn't understand and wants help??? Because it's soooo offensive to think a woman can't do something she says she can't do??? even though the end of the movie is all about how women shouldn't have to be perfect and should be allowed to be just normal and not really good at anything???? I'm so confused.)

It's just... such a weird mix of a genuinely fun and creative campy setting, which then mixes in the most weirdly tone-deaf and old-fashioned gender essentialism possible. It tries to be progressive at the end, but the setting is already so stuck in those ideas (that inverting gender power dynamics would be really good actually since women are better in power, that men don't have any real legitimate reason to have emotions so it's weird and dumb if they do) that it doesn't track. It doesn't match the actual events of the movie.

It's not just an empty popcorn movie. Frankly, it'd be a lot better if it was!!!!!!! (At least for me, hahah.) It's best appreciated, honestly, if you do turn your brain off and just enjoy the pretty visuals and the nice moments at the end. Which is sad. Because it clearly does try to do so much more than that! But all those attempts just... make the movie more confused and weird and kind of mean?

Basically, the movie tries to do a whole 'haha what if we switched the power of the genders' but then still wants to treat all of the men like they're privileged white guys, even though there's 0 worldbuilding reason for that to be justified. (Plus also it has the typical 'wacky misandry' problems of being incredibly shitty to GNC and disabled men. but like I just expected that literally always nowadays.)

So yeah uhhh. unfortunately I gotta say that I don't really agree with those 'lollllll men hate this movie even though it literally just says that they're okay by themselves and don't need to base their worth on women!!!!!' like YEAH but it also implies some pretty. questionable stuff about oppression and mental health and how much we should respect men who have ~delicate fragile emotions~ too.

[strawbrygashez]

P1 Doe x P3 Dude HCs cuz they’ve been on my mind :3

•While P3 is a DOG when it comes to more revealing clothing on his partners, he thinks P1s Doe style is super cute. I imagine her clothes are very modest like lots of long skirts, baggy sweaters, cardigans, etc. The only odd thing she might hear about it from him is that he says the “librarian look really does it for him” 🤦‍♀��

Since she dresses modestly a lot of the time, it makes the times where she shows a bit more even better for p3 👍!!!! She’s usually embarrassed when she’s dressed in ‘less’ but he makes sure to tell her & show her she’s absolutely gorgeous.

•I’ve seen a couple things where ppl make P1 Doe more obsessed with god/religion more than I’ve seen with p1.. so it makes me think she’d probably ask P3 to come to church with her pretty often. P3 of course groans about it and whatnot but if he’s not busy, he’ll come with anyways. He doesn’t really listen to the preacher or whoever tho and just kinda man spreads next to her on the bench & just fiddles around with whatever he can or he just falls asleep 💀

P1 Doe would shove him awake if he did fall asleep & started snoring.. or if she could tell P3 fell asleep at all. (P3 is thankful for his sunglasses bc it makes it harder for her to tell if he’s dozing off or not)

I think eventually she’d go less and less because her paranoia about everything would get less extreme the longer she’s with P3 :0

•Usually P3 ended up with or chased after more confident, flirtatious women in the past so when he gets feelings for P1 Doe, he really has to actually work on getting close to her and changing his approach to flirting 💀 He might struggle a bit with not trying to come onto her too strong but he gets it eventually LOL he wants something really meaningful with her anyways :3

•I think like P1 Dude, P1 Doe wouldn’t have had many relationships in the past. Maybe a crush here and there and a attempt at dating once or twice but nothing ever really worked. She has no idea how to go about dating and flirting bc like P1 Dude, she’s awkward and just doesn’t understand people a lot of the time. So again, P3 is gonna have to take it slow with her & reassure her a bunch.

Part of me thinks she’d kinda feel worried and bad about ‘not being a good girlfriend’ and she’s confused why P3 even bothers with her when she’s ‘the way she is’.

•Kinda going along with prev point, since she doesn’t have a lot of dating experience, when p3 does start to get handsy, she’s SWEATING so bad. Her hearts going crazy, she’s not sure what to do. Not even if it’s like a 👀😳 moment but like just him wrapping a arm around her while they watch tv together has her dying (at least earlier on). She’d eventually get used to him touching her and her touching him but yea.. she just isn’t used to psychical touch at all LOL

•Going back to the clothes thing again somewhat, she tries to remember what P3 points out that he likes on her, so she can wear it around him more.

Like with all pdudes, I think when they get a s/o they really love, it helps them remember to take care of themselves more often. So like.. I think sometimes she’d start to remember to actually brush out her hair & maybe even do it up/try a new hair style in hopes he’d like it :,) NOT SAYING SHE’D DO IT ALL THE TIME.. she’s still p1 so she’s gonna have wild hair more often than not but I dunno I think she, like p1 dude would as well, would wanna try to put effort into ‘looking nice’ for their s/o.

•They are definitely a opposites attract kinda couple. I can see the other pdudes being kinda taken back when they find out they are together but also.. pdudes dont give much of a fuck about which Pdude is with who 💀

P3 won’t shut up about her around the others tho. Every other sentence out of his mouth is about his “beautiful, smart girlfriend”

The other Postal Doe’s all gave P1 Doe a look when they found out P1 Doe is with p3 of all pdudes like “really? Him?” But I think she might stand up for him a little bit even 🥲 and tell them he’s actually not that bad and a sweet guy when u get to know him. Now I dunno if they’d actually believe her or not tho 💀

[bohemian-nights]

Ryan Condal: "I made Velaryon black because there were too much white people on this show"

Ryan Condal too: "not giving even a hint of Nettles, the only canonical POC woman, most important dragonseed and essential figure on the war."

At this point,I'm coming at the conclusion Condal only made Velaryon black to pointing Weak Boys's bastardy at the same time he wanted brownie points. What do you think?

*Black woman, but yes. Seriously if you guys talk about Black people just call us what we are. No need for the POC/WOC/MOC stuff. Our experiences aren't the same just because we are all “minorities.”

Plus it reminds me of the pre-civil rights era when they used to call us “Colored” so I have no idea why any self respecting Black person (at least here in America) wants to call themselves that.

Rant aside, Honestly, the Weak Boys in the books are for sure bastards. People denying so are either absolute idiots(the boys are described as having brown hair and pug noses which isn't coming from Houses Arryn, Targaryen, Bartheon, or Velaryon).

So it wouldn't have mattered what they had done and who they had cast as long as Laenor’s actor had a hideous blonde wig and Harwin's actor had dark hair.

What I do think is that yeah Ryan and Co. wanted cheap diversity points.

The Velaryons are both a prominent house and get a pretty raw end deal out of the Dance so it makes sense to use them since they are highly visible and have shit stories(the Velaryons end up broke and taken out of the play by the end of Dance).

They might have also been trying to cut Nettles and replace her with Rhaena and I don't mean in the way Dumbnyra stans try to say about Daemon and Nettles being biological/surrogate father and daughter cause there is no way he could want to be with a Black woman.*

*Remember Laena is white in the books.

I mean in the way that Team Green tries to make Dettles perverted by saying that Daemon groomed* Nettles and used her as a cheap lay cause there is no way he could love a Black woman.

*Dettles is problematic, but every relationship in Fire & Blood is problematic in some way so singling them out is suspect at best.

Having Rhaena take her place as his lover would thus make him the ultimate villain of the Dance cause what’s worse than grooming your 14-year-old daughter?

Now if this was the case I think this was Miguel's dumb idea. He's the same moron who allegedly thought that it would be a good idea to change Rhaenys name that way people wouldn't be confused since she, Rhaena, and Rhaenyra all have similar sounding names.

(Talk about having 0 faith in your audience. None of these women look alike and they are all different ages so if someone was confused they’d have to be straight up blind).

It's obvious that Ryan has his issues, but I don't even think he is dumb enough to do that, especially since he claims to listen to GRRM(and there is no way that George would go that’s a great idea man 🤪).

I naively hope that Nettles pops up in the trailer and they were just saving her until then, but I do not like that they appear to be sidling her when she's the most important dragonseed.

[tomwambsmilk]

before i stumbled upon your blog just now, i had seen zero (0) imagery of succession.

i did not care about succession. i thought it seemed like not my type of show, boring even (i apologize, my mistake).

i still have no idea what it's about.

i know not anything about your scrimblos more than the first 5 mins of looking at your blog has told me.

but you've intrigued me. I still won't probably see this show (no offense - i haven't even watched through good omens and i Loved that show and follow fanfics of it)

but damn it if i won't follow this blog.

keep up the good fight. milk your men. you keep a high supply of fresh juicy content; and i am a patron of the arts.

You have NO idea how absolutely delightful this ask was to get. We here at Tommy Milk Inc ALWAYS welcome additional patrons, regardless of existing knowledge of succession, affection for Tom, or position on the undefined but definitely very real Succession Political Compass. And I am personally deeply flattered by your enjoyment of my fresh juicy content, which I work so hard (with the help of my compatriots) to keep flowing from the tits of a certain Thomas Wambsgans day and night.

In fact, your ask has inspired me to attempt a bit of a Tommy milk renaissance (or milkaissance, if you will), so if milkposting is a topic which interests you, I'll be reblogging some key posts in the history of this phenomenon in short order.

All that said, while I don't think you need any prior knowledge of succession to appreciate the magical milk flowing from his substantial tits, I thought it might be helpful, for the sake of better enjoying the content, to get a Crash Course in the various Scrimblos of Succession:

Logan Roy - literally the worst. Rolling with lgbt but also deeply homophobic, but also might be falling in love with his son-in-law (source: asked for his help peeing). Obsessed with milk and piss. Got a UTI and almost destroyed his own company over it. Once made several of his execs wrestle each other for sausages on a corporate retreat. Will hopefully die in season 4

Kendall Roy - defender of women. Wants to be Oedipus but is bad at it. Used to do coke off his kids iPads but is now interested in becoming a meth-head (character growth!). Clinically depressed, probably. Technically killed a guy once. Wants to be Jesus sooo bad he almost strapped himself to a cross at his birthday party while performing Billy Joel's "Honesty". Definitely invested in crypto off-screen

Roman Roy - meow meow supreme. Big proponent of sexual harassment. "Scared of pussy" but does like ejaculating onto windows. Thinks "fascism is cool, but also, not really". Tried to send a picture of his dick to the company's general legal counsel and sent it to his father instead. Major daddy's boy but does not know how much milk costs (sad!). Only person on this entire show who's ever been to management training

Shiv Fucking Roy - 1/2 of the show's resident failmarriage. Used to work for Bernie Sanders (succession edition). Asked for an open marriage on her wedding night. Tries to be a #girlboss but is ultimately more of cringefail loser (affectionate). Called her husband manipulative because he tried to talk about his feelings. Representation for women who are their father's daughters (derogatory). Was almost suspiciously excited about the prospect of having sex with another woman in a threesome before Tom had to go and ruin it. Will likely murder him in season 4 (for unrelated reasons)

Connor Roy - running for president and polling VERY close to 1%. Sugar daddy, patron of the arts, and big Napoleon fan. Man of the people (the people who work on his ranch). Occupations: "safeguarding" thousands of acres of New Mexico wilderness, and being on the verge of setting up a podcast about Napoleonic history with significant investment interest. A lack of real-world experience has sometimes been levelled at him. Owns Napoleon's penis. Everyone else keeps forgetting he exists

Tom Wambsgans - babygirl!!!! Other half of the resident failmarriage. Lactates (they haven't addressed this in canon but that doesn't mean it isn't true). Has a Nero kink. Spends a lot of time saying suspiciously sexual things about his father-in-law. Sent his wife's cousin Greg 67 emails with the subject line "You can't make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs" on the first night of his honeymoon. White collar criminal but bad at it. Once started secretly tracking his wife's menstrual cycle so he could pretend to be horny when she was ovulating in the hopes this would convince her to have a baby. Official boar on the floor loser (Karl stole his sausage). Pushed Shiv down the stairs and castrated and married Cousin Greg in the season 3 finale. Has a dick the size of a red sequoia and fucks like a bullet train

Cousin Greg - slick little fuck (affectionate). Tom's executive assistant and corporate sugar baby. Also a white collar criminal but even worse at it. Suing Greenpeace for his inheritance. Has a gay homewrecking dad. Absolutely should go to HR about Tom but won't. Not here for a long time, but also not really having a good time. Generally doesn't know what's going on. Probably entering his villain era in Season 4 (what is he going to do with a soul anyways??). Once asked Tom to prove that he has a dick the size of a red sequoia and fucks like a bullet train

[aeide-thea]

i did not engage with black friday but the absolutely relentless barrage of emails from various retailers about their sales! sales! sales! has had me thinking a bunch abt Shopping nonetheless

and like. there are a lot of things to be said on that front but specifically at the moment i'm frustrated with the way in which my own human failings (ADHD mainly) and also reqs/prefs make it difficult to be as good about things i care abt as i'd like—which frankly is a statement that's true far beyond the scope of this post, lol, but specifically i'm thinking abt like [cut for length]:

i've been contemplating microplastics with dread/frustration/shame and wanting to move towards natural fibers, which also just feel and perform better—but the reality afaict from my reading of reviews is that with actual t-shirt-thin 100% merino,¹ even if it says it's machine-washable, people find that it develops holes within, like, one season of wear, if not significantly sooner? which is obviously not even a little bit sustainable financially, never mind the other costs (shipping emissions, etc) of reordering clothing that often. so basically you either have to accept some percentage of reinforcing nylon in the garment, which means you're still creating microplastics when you go to wash it, or you have to handwash all your shirts, which—i've met myself. that just isn't realistically possible for me. i'm like multiple weeks overdue for doing a Big Wash but i keep ADHD-ing my way past the point in the day that i'd want to have started the process by, so it keeps getting put off, and that's with in-house washer/dryer access—imagine upping the level of difficulty by adding in handwashing! could Not be me.

so ultimately where i end up is that like, in buying corespun merino i'm improving my textural/wicking/temp reg/etc experience, so i do benefit, but the environment isn't benefiting nearly as much as i'd like, although i suppose washing a garment that's like 13% plastic is probably still not-insignificantly better than washing one that's 100% plastic, especially if the anti-stink/anti-wrinkle properties of merino pan out enough that i can actually wash the garment less often? but like. not nearly as gratifying as achieving 100% natural fiber, 0% microplastics. :/

(it's possible merino-tencel blends are hardier? so that might be worth looking into. but also i have very particular size/style/gender prefs/needs that really narrow the field of possibilities, is the thing—wanting to wear a smaller-than-standard men's size rather than a more common women's size, basically—and idk how many merino-tencel blends (if any) fit within the narrow band that leaves for me. [it's maybe possible a men's S could be dryer-shrunk enough to function as an XS, but that sounds (a) more possible with 100% merino than with a blend and (b) like an experiment too expensive to risk having fail.])

⸻ ¹ i do have one (1) fancy merino hoodie i bought years ago as an Investment Piece that's like, 100% merino machine-knit that's fleecy inside—sort of like american apparel california fleece except wool?—and is ime entirely machine-wash friendly: practical attractive impeccable garment‚ after years of amortization price almost reasonable‚ no notes. but i think it's the thickness of the fabric that makes that possible—t-shirts you want to be much thinner‚ and thinness → tearing.

[aromanticannibal]

Are going to talk about the fact that All Might has 0 experience with women... And they're calling him a bottom... I'M

he's absolutely a bottom and he's absolutely gay

[tetrisfinished]

pity party: attending - 1

declined - none

this can't be right. right? how come i'm always caught in my own pity parties. how come so many men are exactly the same trash replicated over and over again.

sometimes i GENUINELY wonder if the traditional men and women roles are the right way to go. maybe if i wasn't working - i wouldn't be as pissed off about all the shit i do at home.

queue: the waterworks (which, by the way i've been semi successful at holding back all day today, so just fuck off and let me have it, okay? okay).

at this point, i'm in my 8th year of marriage to this man. we've experienced long distance relationship, honeymoon stage, living together, owning together, vacation-ing together, and now parenting together. and i guess even a sort of separation together [read: he left for 2 months to go to pakistan sans wife and 3 yr old kid].

all of these "togethers" could have been rich life experiences. they could have been meaningful and loving and respectful.

but they weren't. i think the thing they were LEAST of all might actually have been together. how can that be? how do i turn my clock back to 0 hour at the time i started this marriage and start over.

or better yet, end it right away.

i don't know what mistake i'm continuing to pay for. but i guess that's not true. it's just a new mistake every single day when i engage him in conversation or when i task him with a chore or when i expect him to show up as a parent. if your partner is meant to "complete" you - then i feel that i am in a marriage where my partner actually manages to take away from me.

our household is toxic. our relationship is toxic. and the person who suffers the absolute fucking most is my kid.

my poor, little, innocent child who is 4 years old - he is so kind and fuck he's PATIENT. i'm 33 still trying to master this but my 4 year old kid has me beat. and maybe because of my own asshole behaviour he's had to become patient this early on in his young life.

i think back so much about all the times when i was asked "hey how could a western minded youth and an eastern minded youth get along and marry each other?" and i thought i had the best answer of all - he's not actually all that "conservative". but now i'm realizing that maybe while not conservative in the traditional and restrictive way - he actually is quite traditional. but also a smidge of modern.

he wants a working wife. but he also wants to not give up any of his own life to raise a fucking family.

and here i'm expected to make decision after decision. sacrifice after sacrifice, even consider the thought of expanding my family (khair ultimately that's in Allah swt's hands of course) all with the thought of how comletely unsupported i'll feel.

more and more i look around and people find themselves not having a lot of friends at my age. don't get me wrong. everyone has friends - but it's a tight group of maybe 2-4 CORE people. and no more. everyone else sort of filters out in the "acquaintance" column. so when i look at my significantly larger group of actual TIGHT friends - multiple groups including my actual family (mama/javaria) - i am so incredibly grateful. but maybe it was because Allah swt was preparing me for an actual life without a present partner. without a partner willing to show interest in our lives. in our families. in our home. in our child.

and again - don't get me wrong. i'm sure he loves us - or at least esa.

but feeling that love and then not showing up in any way with care or consideration or responsibility is so.....so cheap. you know?

and fuck me, i'm still trying to explain this to him. why? i don't know honestly.

in the middle it got better. but of course things have slowly regressed right back to the norm and here i am again. bitching and moaning and fucking frankly irritated that i can't just TAKE THE STEP to leave.

so. that's that.

that's the end of this rant.

the one thing i'll say that's a positive of it all is - every time i'm so triggered and emotional and upset about this stuff - i write. i guess when i'm happy i'm not as.....inspired? morbid, amiriteeee?

so someday, when i discover the audience that absolutely adores the anti self-help read - the bitching and moaning and complaining reads. that day i can compile all my blog posts and become famous.

but until then, here i am. another night of another day of another week of another month of another year - all different then before, but all alarmingly the same.

-k

[tbookblurbs]

Wizard's First Rule - Terry Goodkind

TW/CW for rape, SA

0/5 - I'd give this negative stars if I could. Poorly written, weirdly rape-y for the ENTIRE book, misogynistic, derivative, unimaginative magic system, 15-20 pages dedicated to BDSM sexual assault? Save yourself the time, energy, and brain cells.

Where to start? Ah, I know! Let's start with the fact that this book is a blatant rip-off of the Wheel of Time (I just read Eye of the World, so I can confirm). Even if it weren't following the plot beat-by-beat, its unimaginative at best. Everything you read here has been done better by someone else. The parts that aren't lifted from Eye of the World are poor copies of Tolkien's work (which WoT is also guilty of ... but that's for a later post).

Goodkind's writing style seems to consist mostly of just narrating. There is minimal dialogue. There is technically action. But mostly, there's the author telling you exactly how the characters are feeling and why they might make the decisions they'll make with no evidence to WHY that might be true. You don't get to experience any of this for yourself. Richard and Kahlan allegedly fall in love within 24 hours of meeting each other, but without the author telling you this every other page, you'd never know based on how they act with each other. I saw them as colleagues at best, despite the professions of love at the end. Personally, I'm convinced Goodkind has never been friends with a woman.

Beyond this, Kahlan spends ALL of her time bemoaning the fact that she can't be in love with a man properly without forcing him to fall in orgasmic love with her. I'm being 100% serious here, that's the beginning, middle, and end of her magical powers. She rarely talks about having friends or family, and when she does, that singular friend is the main character of an anecdote about sexual assault. Lovely.

Richard, on the other hand, doesn't ever seem to BE thinking. Goodkind tells you that he is the most special boy to ever live and that also, twist! he's the product of rape. His power is *waves hand* Truth and no, that is never explained.

This is all without even TOUCHING the BDSM plotline which, frankly, does a disservice to anyone who has ever engaged in kink. It's all hot women in leather who are torturing our protagonist to feel pain and the men (yes, it's always men) usually die from the experience. But Richard, being the most special boy to ever live, is different. He has this experiences, sleeps with his mistress under dubiously consesual circumstances, and defeats her with the power of falling in love with her, because she was actually just a nice girl with issues this whole time. Oh, also a key point of these women is that they're tortured into becoming torturers. The whole plotline is absolutely miserable and that still leaves about 30% of the book left. I almost quit right then.

One of the few joys of this book was Zedd, but honestly, if you've read one whimsical wizard, you've met him already. He doesn't hold a candle to Gandalf or Yoda or any other quirky magical mentor.

To conclude! I hated this book, will never read another one of Goodkind's book, and I hope and pray that none of you will ever be subjected to his writing.

[mrsbsmooth]

Episode 41 - Script - Finn Route

Declarations of love with Finn

NARRATOR: {0} was just asked if she would like to be exclusive.

NARRATOR: A partner once told me they wanted to go exclusive… But with someone else! I felt so excluded.

NARRATOR: But will {0} go exclusive?

NARRATOR: Or will she exclude her partner from going exclusive?

NARRATOR: Get the exclusive now on Love Island!

Finn is down on one knee. He is holding out the plastic ring.

FINN_FLIRTY: Alfie had been hanging on to this for a special occasion.

FINN_FLIRTY: He said I might have more use for it than him.

FINN_IDLE: And I know this is kinda sudden, but we’ve gotta live in the moment, right?

FINN_FLIRTY: So, {0}, want to be exclusive?

Yes, absolutely!

PLAYER_HAPPY: Yes, Finn! Let’s do this.

FINN_HAPPY: Nice!

Finn slides the ring onto your finger.

FINN_FLIRTY: That’s it, we’re exclusive. Just me and you now, beour.

Kiss Finn

You ease Finn up to his feet and bring him in towards you. You lean in and kiss him gently on the lips.

FINN_FLIRTY: That was nice.

Don’t kiss Finn

You ease Finn up to his feet and he smiles at you. He clearly wants to kiss you, but you lean away from him slightly.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: There’s more to being exclusive than just getting physical, Finn.

FINN_IDLE: I know, I was just feeling the romance of the moment.

FINN_FLIRTY: I can’t wait for our first exclusive kiss.

FINN_HAPPY: Whenever it comes.

No, slow down

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Slow down, Finn. We’ve only just officially hooked up.

PLAYER_IDLE: No need to be getting down on one knee.

FINN_EMBARRASSED: Typical Finn. Not thinking something through.

FINN_FLIRTY: It was worth a shot though.

Finn places the plastic ring into your hand, and closes your fingers around it.

FINN_FLIRTY: There you go. Save it for the future instead. Do whatever you want with it.

FINN_HAPPY: Don’t lose it though. It might be plastic, but it’s still valuable.

Maybe later

PLAYER_IDLE: I’m not sure if that’s what I want yet, Finn.

FINN_EMBARRASSED: Okay, no pressure.

FINN_IDLE: I suppose it can feel like quite a big step.

Finn places the plastic ring into your hand, and closes your fingers around it.

FINN_FLIRTY: There you go. Save it for the future instead. Do whatever you want with it.

FINN_HAPPY: Don’t lose it though. It might be plastic, but it’s still valuable.

You look around at the beautiful surroundings.

PLAYER_HAPPY: It’s so nice to get out of the villa for a little while.

FINN_FLIRTY: Especially when the company is this great.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Are you talking about me or you?

FINN_HAPPY: You, of course. Although I’m not bad myself.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You’ve got that right.

FINN_FLIRTY: I wish I could stay out here with you forever.

FINN_IDLE: But, as you know, there’s still plenty for us to experience in the villa.

FINN_FLIRTY: Our summer isn’t over just yet.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Bet there’s plenty of gossip to hear about from the other dates.

FINN_HAPPY: Maybe a few dating disasters.

FINN_FLIRTY: Do you think anybody else’s date has been as good as ours?

No way, this is perfect

PLAYER_HAPPY: That would be impossible. This is my dream date.

FINN_FLIRTY: Mine too. This can’t be beat.

FINN_HAPPY: This is easily my best ever date!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Oh, so I’ve overtaken that other date you mentioned then?

FINN_EMBARRASSED: Come again?

PLAYER_IDLE: On our first date, you mentioned your fave date was some wild experience…

FINN_HAPPY: Oh, that!

FINN_FLIRTY: Yeah. This moment with you is incomparable to anything I’ve done before.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: That must mean I’m better than three women then?

FINN_HAPPY: You’re more awesome than any foursome.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Glad to hear it.

They could probably beat this date

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: I enjoyed our date, but it could have been better.

PLAYER_IDLE: And maybe one of the other couples had a better one.

FINN_SAD: Really? I had a great time.

FINN_SAD: Sorry, you don’t feel as good about it as I do.

I’m not thinking about the others

PLAYER_IDLE: The other Islanders aren’t on my mind at all.

FINN_FLIRTY: I bet we are on theirs though.

FINN_HAPPY: We are the main attraction after all.

FINN_FLIRTY: It’s been amazing having this time together, just us.

FINN_FLIRTY: What do you say, {0}?

FINN_FLIRTY: Do you want to spend some more quality time with me?

*Yes! I’m not ready to leave yet

PLAYER_HAPPY: Yeah! I’d love to stay here longer with you!

FINN_HAPPY: I’m so glad you said that because all I want to do is stay here with you.

FINN_FLIRTY: I want to give us a real chance to connect.

PLAYER_HAPPY: And how do you want to connect?

Finn takes your hands in his and looks deep into your eyes.

FINN_FLIRTY: Just being here, in the moment. No distractions and no more drama.

PLAYER_HAPPY: No more drama? Is that a promise?

FINN_HAPPY: I’m not Suresh. Drama is the last thing I want.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: And what’s the first thing you want?

FINN_FLIRTY: Honestly? To whisk you back to the Hideaway and shut ourselves inside.

FINN_FLIRTY: Then roll around under the covers like wild animals.

FINN_FLIRTY: And not come out until we are announced the Love Island winners!

FINN_FLIRTY: Then take the money and have some fun.

FINN_FLIRTY: Whatever you want, we can do anything.

FINN_HAPPY: And we can travel, see the world.

FINN_FLIRTY: Start to build our lives together. Make a home.

FINN_HAPPY: I can brew a beer especially for you.

PLAYER_HAPPY: What an honour!

FINN_HAPPY: And give it a fancy name like {0}’s Golden Elixir!

FINN_HAPPY: Unless you've got a better name?

That name's perfect

PLAYER_HAPPY: I love that name!

FINN_HAPPY: I'm so glad.

FINN_FLIRTY: I'm so excited for everything we'll do together.

I've got a better name

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I've got a better name.

PLAYER_HAPPY: How about {0}!

FINN_HAPPY: Love that, {0}.

FINN_FLIRTY: I'm so excited for everything we'll do together.

FINN_FLIRTY: We can support each other and accomplish our dreams.

FINN_HAPPY: Falling in love with you more and more each day.

FINN_HAPPY: That’s what I want. All those moments, shared with you.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Not too much then.

FINN_HAPPY: Does that sound like something you might want?

That sounds dreamy

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Are you kidding, that sounds like a dream!

FINN_FLIRTY: Really? I’m so glad that we are so in sync!

FINN_HAPPY: I feel like we’re so aligned, I can just be super honest with you.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Me too.

FINN_FLIRTY: It’s fate that we found each other here.

Not really my cup of tea

PLAYER_SAD: I can’t say that that’s exactly what I want.

PLAYER_SAD: Maybe we’re not so aligned?

FINN_SAD: Oh, maybe not. But we don’t have to be exactly the same!

FINN_HAPPY: Sometimes odd couples make the best couples.

FINN_HAPPY: Keeps things interesting.

FINN_HAPPY: But for now I am just happy here with you.

FINN_HAPPY: I don’t want to rush anything, savour every moment.

Finn’s eyes fall down to your lips.

FINN_FLIRTY: But you want to know what I want most of all right now?

PLAYER_FLIRTY: What’s that?

FINN_FLIRTY: A kiss to finish the date.

Snog him!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I thought you’d never ask.

Finn pulls you in close to him, he caresses your cheek and places his lips on yours in a passionate snog.

The beautiful setting disappears and you’re lost in the moment together for what feels like a lifetime.

FINN_FLIRTY: I wish this would never end.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Me too.

Kiss him gently

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I think that can be arranged.

You lean in close to Finn, your eyes locked on his.

Gently you press his firm lips against yours in a soft smooch.

Finn gets drawn in, seduced by your moves. But you pull away.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Oh, you wanted more?

FINN_HAPPY: Oooh, you’re such a tease. I love it.

Peck on the cheek

PLAYER_HAPPY: How about a taster?

You lean in and give Finn a peck on the cheek.

As you pull away you see his eyes are closed, taking in the moment.

FINN_HAPPY: That was cute.

He playfully pretends to snatch the kiss from his cheek and place it on his lips.

FINN_HAPPY: Stole a kiss for later!

PLAYER_HAPPY: Hey!

FINN_FLIRTY: I’ll look after it, I promise.

Not right now

PLAYER_IDLE: Sorry, I don’t feel like it right now.

FINN_HAPPY: That’s okay! We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.

FINN_HAPPY: I’m just happy I get to take in this beautiful place with you.

FINN_HAPPY: Well, {0}, this has been magical.

FINN_HAPPY: But I think we really have to get back now.

FINN_HAPPY: I’m so glad we got this extra time together.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Aw, I know. I was kinda hoping it wouldn’t have to end.

I want to go back to the villa

PLAYER_IDLE: I think we should get back to the villa.

FINN_FLIRTY: Are you sure? We might not have a chance for much more private time. I would love to stay here a little longer with you? Maybe get a little intimate?

*Let's stay a little longer

PLAYER_HAPPY: Yeah! I’d love to stay here longer with you!

FINN_HAPPY: I’m so glad you said that because all I want to do is stay here with you.

FINN_FLIRTY: I want to give us a real chance to connect.

PLAYER_HAPPY: And how do you want to connect?

Finn takes your hands in his and looks deep into your eyes.

FINN_FLIRTY: Just being here, in the moment. No distractions and no more drama.

PLAYER_HAPPY: No more drama? Is that a promise?

FINN_HAPPY: I’m not Suresh. Drama is the last thing I want.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: And what’s the first thing you want?

FINN_FLIRTY: Honestly? To whisk you back to the Hideaway and shut ourselves inside. Then roll around under the covers like wild animals. And not come out until we are announced the Love Island winners!

FINN_FLIRTY: Then take the money and have some fun.

FINN_FLIRTY: Whatever you want, we can do anything.

FINN_HAPPY: And we can travel, see the world.

FINN_FLIRTY: Start to build our lives together. Make a home.

FINN_HAPPY: I can brew a beer especially for you.

PLAYER_HAPPY: What an honour!

FINN_HAPPY: And give it a fancy name like {0}’s Golden Elixir!

FINN_HAPPY: Unless you've got a better name?

That name's perfect

PLAYER_HAPPY: I love that name!

FINN_HAPPY: I'm so glad.

FINN_FLIRTY: I'm so excited for everything we'll do together.

I've got a better name

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I've got a better name.

PLAYER_HAPPY: How about {0}!

FINN_HAPPY: Love that, {0}.

FINN_FLIRTY: I'm so excited for everything we'll do together.

FINN_FLIRTY: We can support each other and accomplish our dreams.

FINN_HAPPY: Falling in love with you more and more each day.

FINN_HAPPY: That’s what I want. All those moments, shared with you.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Not too much then.

FINN_HAPPY: Does that sound like something you might want?

That sounds dreamy

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Are you kidding, that sounds like a dream!

FINN_FLIRTY: Really? I’m so glad that we are so in sync!

FINN_HAPPY: I feel like we’re so aligned, I can just be super honest with you.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Me too.

FINN_FLIRTY: It’s fate that we found each other here.

Not really my cup of tea

PLAYER_SAD: I can’t say that that’s exactly what I want.

PLAYER_SAD: Maybe we’re not so aligned?

FINN_SAD: Oh, maybe not. But we don’t have to be exactly the same!

FINN_HAPPY: Sometimes odd couples make the best couples.

FINN_HAPPY: Keeps things interesting.

FINN_HAPPY: But for now I am just happy here with you.

FINN_HAPPY: I don’t want to rush anything, savour every moment.

Finn’s eyes fall down to your lips.

FINN_FLIRTY: But you want to know what I want most of all right now?

PLAYER_FLIRTY: What’s that?

FINN_FLIRTY: A kiss to finish the date.

Snog him!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I thought you’d never ask.

Finn pulls you in close to him, he caresses your cheek and places his lips on yours in a passionate snog.

The beautiful setting disappears and you’re lost in the moment together for what feels like a lifetime.

FINN_FLIRTY: I wish this would never end.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Me too.

Kiss him gently

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I think that can be arranged.

You lean in close to Finn, your eyes locked on his.

Gently you press his firm lips against yours in a soft smooch.

Finn gets drawn in, seduced by your moves. But you pull away.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Oh, you wanted more?

FINN_HAPPY: Oooh, you’re such a tease. I love it.

Peck on the cheek

PLAYER_HAPPY: How about a taster?

You lean in and give Finn a peck on the cheek.

As you pull away you see his eyes are closed, taking in the moment.

FINN_HAPPY: That was cute.

He playfully pretends to snatch the kiss from his cheek and place it on his lips.

FINN_HAPPY: Stole a kiss for later!

PLAYER_HAPPY: Hey!

FINN_FLIRTY: I’ll look after it, I promise.

Not right now

PLAYER_IDLE: Sorry, I don’t feel like it right now.

FINN_HAPPY: That’s okay! We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.

FINN_HAPPY: I’m just happy I get to take in this beautiful place with you.

FINN_HAPPY: Well, {0}, this has been magical.

FINN_HAPPY: But I think we really have to get back now.

FINN_HAPPY: I’m so glad we got this extra time together.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Aw, I know. I was kinda hoping it wouldn’t have to end.

I want to head back

PLAYER_IDLE: I want to get back now.

FINN_SAD: Oh okay, no problem.

FINN_IDLE: We still have plenty of time to connect, I suppose.

You and Finn take one last look at the beauty that’s all around you before walking side by side back to the villa.

You return with Finn to the garden. The other Islanders gather, happily chatting about their dates.

FINN_HAPPY: It sounds like everyone has enjoyed their dates.

KAT_ANGRY: You two are back, I see.

FINN_EMBARRASSED: Or, maybe not.

KAT_ANGRY: Did you have fun with Finn, {0}?

I had a fun date

PLAYER_HAPPY: I had a really fun date.

FINN_HAPPY: We both did.

KAT_SERIOUS: Oh did you now?

FINN_SERIOUS: Yeah, Kat. Me and {0} had a really fun time. No need to be aggy.

FINN_SERIOUS: You just need to accept that, Kat.

KAT_ANGRY: I’ll accept what I want to accept, thanks, babe.

It wasn’t the best

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Not really, no. I wasn’t blown away.

FINN_SAD: You told me it was your dream date.

KAT_HAPPY: Better luck next time then, guys.

KAT_FLIRTY: Seems like Suresh is a better date than Finn after all.

None of your business!

PLAYER_ANGRY: Why don’t you focus on Suresh instead of fishing for gossip about Finn?

KAT_ANGRY: Calm down, {0}. I was just trying to be friendly.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Sure you were!

Finn had his best ever date

PLAYER_FLIRTY: It was Finn’s best ever date.

KAT_ANGRY: Yeah, right!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: He told me as much. He said nothing compared to it.

KAT_SURPRISED: Oh, really?

FINN_SERIOUS: Yeah, Kat. Me and {0} had a brilliant date.

FINN_SAD: It doesn’t mean the dates we shared weren’t lovely too, though.

KAT_ANGRY: Ergh, who wants to be called lovely.

SURESH_FLIRTY: Give them a break, Kat. We all made it this far. Let’s all enjoy it.

KAT_ANGRY: Are you joking? As if you really wanted to be with me at this point.

SURESH_SERIOUS: We had a nice enough date didn’t we?

KAT_SAD: Yeah, but I was hoping for more than nice enough at this point.

DANA_IDLE: Cheer up, Kat. Me and Alfie didn’t really plan this either.

ALFIE_HAPPY: Yeah, our date was practically in the friend zone of all friend zones.

DANA_HAPPY: We still had a laugh though didn’t we?

ALFIE_HAPPY: Of course. It turned into a dad joke contest.

DANA_EMBARRASSED: Of which there was no winner.

PLAYER_HAPPY: That doesn’t surprise me.

ALFIE_IDLE: We might not have found the love we wanted.

ALFIE_HAPPY: But we’re still gonna have a great time while we’re here.

DANA_HAPPY: So, {0}, did anything exciting happen on your date?

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Well…

FINN_FLIRTY: I asked her to go exclusive with me.

KAT_SURPRISED: What? Are you actually joking right now!

KAT_ANGRY: You were with me yesterday.

FINN_EMBARRASSED: I guess a lot’s changed pretty quickly.

KAT_EMBARRASSED: Pretty quickly? I thought you couldn’t be tied down?

FINN_FLIRTY: It just took the right person, I guess.

Kat glares at Finn.

ALFIE_SERIOUS: So, what did you say, {0}?

Tell the others what you said

PLAYER_HAPPY: I said yes, of course. Me and Finn are properly together now.

KAT_SURPRISED: Really? I guess I meant nothing.

KAT_SERIOUS: And going exclusive on your first date together?

PLAYER_HAPPY: This is our second date together, technically.

KAT_EMBARRASSED: Whatever. I normally leave it till at least date three.

SURESH_HAPPY: Does that mean two more dates and we’ll be going steady?

KAT_FLIRTY: You should be so lucky.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Like I told Finn. We don’t need to declare anything. We only just got together.

KAT_HAPPY: Sounds like you made a fool of yourself, Finn.

KAT_SAD: Like you made a fool of me.

FINN_EMBARRASSED: Whatever, Kat.

PLAYER_IDLE: Like I told Finn. I’m not sure if that’s what I want yet.

KAT_SURPRISED: Seemed like you wanted Finn last night.

DANA_FLIRTY: That sounds like the sensible answer.

ALFIE_IDLE: Yeah, one step at a time, {0}.

Keep it secret

PLAYER_SERIOUS: I’m not telling you guys anything. It’s between me and Finn.

FINN_IDLE: If that’s how {0} wants to keep things, I’m on her side.

KAT_ANGRY: Of course you are. Faithful as ever.

Suddenly, your phone pings.

KAT_SURPRISED: What now?

PLAYER_HAPPY: I’ve got a text!

You read the text out to the rest of the group.

LITEXT: Islanders, it’s time to get truly glammed up! You’ll be heading outside the villa to choose your prom outfit!

LITEXT: Please make your way to the front of the villa. Cars are waiting to take you shopping. {0}PromFashion {1}QueensAndKings

FINN_HAPPY: Me and you are gonna look so good together, {0}.

DANA_FLIRTY: No time to waste. Let’s get going everyone.

You and the others excitedly run out of the villa and jump into the awaiting cars.

You freeze for a moment as you take in the stunning array of outfits on display all around you. The clothes are a mixture of new and pre-loved outfits.

DANA_HAPPY: Wow!

KAT_HAPPY: This is amazing!

DANA_HAPPY: I don’t think I’ve ever been in a shop as nice as this.

PLAYER_HAPPY: It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?

KAT_HAPPY: Some of these looks are vintage too!

DANA_HAPPY: I’m definitely going for one of these pre-loved outfits.

DANA_IDLE: I always go for re-use when I can.

KAT_SERIOUS: What do I pick though? I had planned on impressing Finn.

KAT_SERIOUS: At least I know what would look good beside him.

KAT_ANGRY: I hope you know him as well as you think you do, {0}.

KAT_SERIOUS: I wouldn’t want you two to be clashing.

PLAYER_ANGRY: What?

DANA_EMBARRASSED: Ladies, please. Let’s not argue in a boutique store.

DANA_HAPPY: Save the drama until we get back to the villa at least.

DANA_SERIOUS: And, {0}, wear whatever you want.

DANA_SERIOUS: For whatever reason you want. This is your moment.

PLAYER_HAPPY: It really is!

KAT_FLIRTY: It’s my moment too!

DANA_HAPPY: It’s a moment for all of us, Kat. So let’s make the most of it.

Kat smiles at you.

KAT_FLIRTY: Anyway, {0}, Suresh was actually quite a charmer on our date.

KAT_FLIRTY: He actually had me in stitches a few times.

KAT_IDLE: He seemed way more fun than when he was pining after you.

KAT_FLIRTY: Guess you weren’t meant to be.

KAT_FLIRTY: Hope you’re not jealous about me and Suresh?

I’m just glad I picked Finn

PLAYER_FLIRTY: That just proves that I made the right choice by picking Finn.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I hope you enjoy your time with Suresh. But you can keep him.

KAT_ANGRY: I don’t need your permission for anything, {0}.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You have my permission to stop trying to make me jealous.

KAT_SERIOUS: Whatever.

Maybe I should have picked Suresh

PLAYER_SAD: Maybe I should have coupled up with Suresh after all.

KAT_SERIOUS: Well, you had plenty of chances, {0}.

KAT_ANGRY: But I guess you were too busy stealing other girl’s fellas.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Just like you at the first recoupling then?

KAT_ANGRY: Get over it already.

That means nothing to me

PLAYER_IDLE: I couldn’t care less what your date with Suresh was like.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’m with Finn now. You and Suresh are none of my business.

KAT_EMBARRASSED: Well, I had a great time anyway, just so you know.

DANA_SAD: Chill out you two.

DANA_IDLE: Let’s just pick our prom outfits, shall we?

PLAYER_HAPPY: Yeah, show me the options already.

DANA_HAPPY: Check these out.

PLAYER_HAPPY: How about this?

DANA_HAPPY: Wow, {0}! Finn is one lucky boy!

KAT_ANGRY: Whatever!

PLAYER_HAPPY: How about this?

DANA_FLIRTY: Not bad, {0}, but why not try them all on?

PLAYER_HAPPY: I’m loving this one!

DANA_HAPPY: Now that’s the one. Finn is one lucky boy!

KAT_ANGRY: Whatever!

DANA_HAPPY: I think you’re right. That really does suit you actually!

The three of you stand together in your prom outfits.

DANA_HAPPY: I feel ready for anything now. A true queen.

KAT_HAPPY: Me too. I’m ready to hit that prom and show everybody some new moves.

PLAYER_HAPPY: I wonder what’s going to happen?

DANA_HAPPY: A good time, that’s what.

DANA_SAD: Unless, you girls have got plans for more drama?

KAT_SERIOUS: Don’t look at me, Dana. I’m as happy as can be.

KAT_FLIRTY: I just wonder whether my outfit might turn a certain boy’s head?

No chance

PLAYER_FLIRTY: That’s never going to happen, Kat.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Good luck, though.

KAT_FLIRTY: Don’t need luck. I’m a triple threat!

KAT_ANGRY: Maybe Finn will realise that later.

Maybe it will

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Maybe you will turn his head again in that outfit.

KAT_FLIRTY: There’s no maybe about it, babe.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Finn did tell me you two had wild chemistry.

KAT_HAPPY: When? On your date?

PLAYER_IDLE: No, ages ago.

KAT_SAD: Oh, right.

Chill out, Kat

PLAYER_IDLE: Just have some chill, Kat. No need to be this aggy.

KAT_SURPRISED: I’ve been a pillar of restraint considering what you two did!

PLAYER_SURPRISED: Restraint? You?

KAT_IDLE: Shows how far I’ve grown through this process.

KAT_FLIRTY: Well, time to get back and find out.

The three of you rush out of the store and jump into the awaiting car. Destination: prom!

You, Dana and Kat strut across the lawn towards the boys.

Alfie and Suresh wait in front of the party tables. Their jaws drop when they see you all.

SURESH_FLIRTY: You look amazing, Kat.

KAT_FLIRTY: Thanks, Suresh. Where’s Finn?

SURESH_SAD: Finn? Have you already forgotten that I’m your partner?

KAT_IDLE: Chill, Suresh. I was just curious is all.

SURESH_FLIRTY: How do you think I look? I scrub up pretty well don’t I?

KAT_SERIOUS: Why don’t you ask, {0}? She might be more interested than I am.

SURESH_EMBARRASSED: Ouch, Kat.

SURESH_FLIRTY: What do you think of my outfit, {0}?

You look amazing

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You look absolutely stunning, Suresh.

SURESH_HAPPY: Thanks, {0}. Right back at you.

SURESH_FLIRTY: I hope you’re not regretting coupling up with Finn already.

KAT_SERIOUS: I know I am. She clearly doesn’t deserve Finn.

PLAYER_ANGRY: Whatever, Kat.

You look awful

PLAYER_ANGRY: You’re an utter mess, Suresh. You’re supposed to look good at prom.

PLAYER_ANGRY: Could’ve made an effort at least.

SURESH_SAD: Woah, straight to the heart.

KAT_FLIRTY: Well, I think he scrubs up alright to be fair.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Well, my attention isn’t on you tonight, Suresh.

I don’t care

PLAYER_IDLE: I’m not interested in how you look, Suresh.

SURESH_SAD: But, I really tried to look special for this occasion.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Hopefully not for me, because…

PLAYER_ANGRY: I. Don’t. Care.

ALFIE_HAPPY: You’re looking good by the way, Dana. Loving that clobber.

DANA_FLIRTY: Thanks a lot, Alfie. Liking your look too.

ALFIE_HAPPY: You all look amazing to be fair.

You hear footsteps approaching. The scent of oak aged perfume fills the air.

FINN_FLIRTY: Hello, {0}.

Finn stands proudly in his prom outfit. He’s gone all out to impress you.

KAT_EMBARRASSED: Always has to be the bombshell, doesn’t he?

FINN_FLIRTY: You look amazing.

FINN_FLIRTY: That outfit just proves how lucky I am to be with you.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Thanks, Finn.

FINN_FLIRTY: No problem, {0}. I’m gonna be all about the compliments tonight.

FINN_FLIRTY: In fact, I don’t think my eyes have ever witnessed such beauty.

FINN_FLIRTY: The lush mountains of Dublin can’t even hold a candle to you.

KAT_ANGRY: I think you said that to me once.

PLAYER_ANGRY: Keep your nose out, Kat.

FINN_FLIRTY: Anyway, {0}. Has your Prom King won your heart?

Yeah, of course

PLAYER_HAPPY: Absolutely, Finn. My heart is yours and yours alone.

PLAYER_HAPPY: I said I want to be exclusive and I meant it.

FINN_HAPPY: I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

FINN_HAPPY: To finally find somebody that wants me like I want them.

FINN_HAPPY: I’m completely over the moon, {0}.

Not even close

PLAYER_IDLE: Sorry, Finn, but you’re nowhere near having a hold on my heart.

KAT_EMBARRASSED: Did someone say karma?

FINN_SAD: What? I thought I was getting there.

FINN_FLIRTY: Well, I’m not afraid of putting the work in to see if we can get there.

Not just yet

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Sorry, Finn, but you’ve not quite got there yet.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You’re still gonna need to put a bit more work in to fully win my heart.

FINN_FLIRTY: Is that so? Well, I’m a hard worker, and I’m gonna put the hours in.

FINN_HAPPY: So, should we get this party started or what?

PLAYER_HAPPY: Woo, yeah!

DANA_HAPPY: YOLO!

Lively dance music starts playing from the speakers set up around the tables.

ALFIE_HAPPY: Time to bust out some of my trademark moves.

Alfie jumps down to the floor and starts doing the worm.

FINN_HAPPY: Nice one, bro.

DANA_HAPPY: Go, Alfie! Go, Alfie! Go, Alfie!

KAT_SERIOUS: Think you can outdance me do you, Alf?

ALFIE_HAPPY: It’s all love, Kat. No competition here.

KAT_FLIRTY: It’s always a competition, babe!

Kat jumps up onto the nearest table.

SURESH_FLIRTY: Maybe Kat was the right choice after all?

Kat performs an extremely naughty dance atop the table. Spinning and flaunting every one of her skills.

Cheer Kat on

You join the others in cheering Kat on who continues her sexy yet elegant dance.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Slay, girl!

KAT_FLIRTY: I always do!

Call her extra

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Pretty extra, Kat!

KAT_FLIRTY: Someone’s jealous they don’t have moves like these.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: Am I?

KAT_HAPPY: We can’t all live rent free in the spotlight!

*Show some sexy moves yourself

You climb onto a different table and start dancing too. Everyone cheers you both on.

You pull out your sexiest moves, eyes locked with Finn throughout.

Finn grins at you warmly as he helps you back down.

FINN_FLIRTY: You’ve got some serious moves, {0}.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Too right.

Finn whispers into your ear.

FINN_HAPPY: Saying this quietly so it all doesn’t kick off.

FINN_FLIRTY: You’ve definitely got better moves than Kat.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Glad you think so, Finn.

Suresh goes to help Kat down, but she leaps from the table and gracefully moves into a bow. The others applaud her.

DANA_HAPPY: Nice one, Kat.

ALFIE_HAPPY: Outrageous moves, Kat!

KAT_HAPPY: You know it!

Kat looks at Finn.

KAT_FLIRTY: Finn knows it too.

A romantic slow song begins to play over the party speakers.

The excitement and laughter subsides as the Islanders settle down and couple up.

Finn takes you by the hand and delicately places his hands on your waist.

The two of you slow dance beneath the moonlight.

FINN_FLIRTY: Are my hands in the right place, {0}?

Keep them on my waist

PLAYER_HAPPY: I like them where they are.

FINN_FLIRTY: Me too. Holding you like this is a dream come true.

FINN_HAPPY: I’ve wanted to dance with you like this for ages.

Move them to my bum

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’d prefer you to slide them a little further down.

FINN_FLIRTY: Oh, I see. Not wasting any time tonight are we.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Any excuse to get closer to you.

You slide Finn’s hands down further. Sexual chemistry and eye contact is off the charts.

Let go of me completely

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Actually, I’d like you to remove them now.

FINN_IDLE: Ok, {0}. Whatever you want.

Finn moves his hands away, and incorporates them into his swaying motion.

As you and Finn continue to dance together. You notice the others have all stopped to watch you.

DANA_FLIRTY: You two look so good together.

KAT_SAD: Not that good though.

FINN_FLIRTY: Dana’s right, we do.

Finn looks deep into your eyes.

FINN_FLIRTY: This moment is too perfect.

FINN_FLIRTY: Can I kiss you, {0}?

Passionate snog

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Bring it in, Finn.

Finn leans in and the two of you kiss. Your tongues meet and you feel the heat between you.

The kiss is NSFW and you imagine the other Islanders blushing as they watch this raw animalistic display of passion.

You and Finn manage to stop yourselves. You smile at each other.

FINN_FLIRTY: That was amazing, {0}.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: There’s plenty more where that came from.

Gentle peck

PLAYER_HAPPY: Follow my lead, Finn.

You lean into each other and your lips meet. You softly kiss. You can feel the delicate movement of Finn’s mouth.

The kiss ends with a sweet smile from Finn.

FINN_FLIRTY: That was so nice, {0}. I could do that forever.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: The night’s still young, Finn.

No kiss

PLAYER_IDLE: No kisses for you, Finn.

FINN_SAD: Sorry, {0}. I just thought this might be the perfect moment.

PLAYER_IDLE: It’s a perfect moment already. It doesn’t need a kiss.

FINN_HAPPY: You’re right.

Your phone pings.

PLAYER_HAPPY: I’ve got a text!

The other Islanders gather around you and Finn.

FINN_FLIRTY: What does it say, {0}?

You read out the text.

LITEXT: Islanders, it’s almost time to let your partners know how you feel about them with your Declarations of Love! {0}OnItLikeASonnet {1}SayItLikeYouMeanIt

ALFIE_HAPPY: Time to get sappy!

DANA_HAPPY: Please don’t declare your love for me as sappy, Alfie.

ALFIE_HAPPY: Like the trunk of a big hard tree.

SURESH_SAD: I’ve got plenty to say, most of it for somebody that isn’t my partner though.

KAT_SAD: I know what you mean, Suresh.

Finn turns to you.

FINN_IDLE: We should probably plan what we want to say to each other.

FINN_IDLE: Maybe we could have a chat about what we want to declare?

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Isn’t it supposed to be a surprise?

FINN_FLIRTY: You’re right. Maybe we could have some alone time still before the PDAs?

FINN_FLIRTY: Away from any drama.

FINN_FLIRTY: Fancy a cheeky bit of private time?

*Yes, time for some privacy!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Yeah, let’s go!

PLAYER_HAPPY: This could be our last chance for some alone time in the villa!

FINN_FLIRTY: Great!

No thanks, Finn

PLAYER_IDLE: I think I’m good.

FINN_FLIRTY: Are you sure?

FINN_FLIRTY: This might be our last chance to sneak away and get alone time in the villa.

FINN_HAPPY: I think we’ve got a bit of time before the speeches.

FINN_FLIRTY: Maybe we could have some more smooches away from the others.

FINN_FLIRTY: Or maybe you want to get a little naughtier, like you did last night.

FINN_HAPPY: If so, it might be our final chance to get a little naughty here.

FINN_HAPPY: Totally your call though, beour.

FINN_FLIRTY: Fancy sneaking away with me?

*Yes, let’s sneak away!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Okay, let’s go!

FINN_FLIRTY: Great.

I’m good here

PLAYER_IDLE: I’m all good here, thanks.

FINN_IDLE: Okay, no problem.

You stroll slowly with the others towards the front of the villa. Everyone is silent for a moment as they consider what they might declare to their partner.

You stroll slowly with the others towards the front of the villa. Everyone is silent for a moment as they consider what they might declare to their partner.

You and Finn step out onto the terrace.

The air is sweet and warm. The night is filled with promise.

FINN_IDLE: It’s been a bit of a roller coaster this summer hasn’t it?

PLAYER_HAPPY: It really has.

FINN_HAPPY: Lots of ups and downs, so to speak.

FINN_FLIRTY: Some more my style than others.

FINN_HAPPY: I can’t believe that we made it to the finish line together.

FINN_HAPPY: I’m so happy that you picked me to finally couple up with.

FINN_HAPPY: And I’m so happy your head’s in the same place mine is.

FINN_FLIRTY: With going exclusive I mean.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Yeah, me too.

FINN_SERIOUS: And I think you’re right not to commit to me just yet.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Why’s that?

FINN_SERIOUS: Because this is so new. Us being a couple I mean.

FINN_EMBARRASSED: It might take you a while to fully trust me.

FINN_SAD: Especially as I wasn’t exactly loyal to Kat, was I?

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: No, you weren’t.

FINN_SERIOUS: Obviously, I plan to do things much better with you.

FINN_EMBARRASSED: I don’t want to get ahead of myself.

FINN_HAPPY: But I could see us going a fair old distance after we leave here.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: Really?

FINN_IDLE: Yeah, I think so.

FINN_IDLE: I wouldn’t have said that before I got here.

FINN_IDLE: I never would have thought that I’d meet somebody like you.

FINN_HAPPY: Somebody that would make me want to commit fully to a relationship.

FINN_HAPPY: I’m so glad that I met you, {0}.

FINN_FLIRTY: And I really want this to be the real thing eventually.

FINN_IDLE: Do you think we could be the real deal in time?

We’re the real deal already

PLAYER_HAPPY: Of course, Finn. Meeting you has been amazing.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Feels like we’re the real deal already.

PLAYER_HAPPY: I’m just sad it didn’t happen sooner for us.

FINN_SERIOUS: I’m glad it took a while. I think we’ve both grown from it.

FINN_HAPPY: I’m happy I can show you a better way than what Suresh showed you.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Yeah, I deserve to be treated right by a partner.

FINN_FLIRTY: You really do, and I’m really glad you trust me to be that person.

Not feeling likely right now

PLAYER_SAD: It’s not feeling that likely for me right now.

FINN_SAD: That’s a shame.

PLAYER_IDLE: I chose to couple up with you obviously. So there’s something there.

PLAYER_SAD: I just don’t feel quite as sure about all this as you do.

FINN_SAD: Oh, right. I understand.

FINN_IDLE: No pressure at all, but hopefully in time you will though.

FINN_FLIRTY: Maybe my declaration will help my chances.

Maybe in time

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I might feel the same way in the future. When we know each other better.

FINN_FLIRTY: Maybe my declaration will help with that.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Now that will be intriguing.

FINN_FLIRTY: I’ll give it my best shot.

Finn looks at you with sensitive eyes. He puffs his chest out and stands proudly.

FINN_HAPPY: Gather round, gather round. For the time has come to declare my love!

FINN_HAPPY: My partner is as hot as chilli and as beautiful as a golden IPA.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: Is that how your declaration is gonna start?

FINN_HAPPY: Well, maybe, but you’ll just have to wait to hear the rest won’t you.

FINN_FLIRTY: So, what vibe is your declaration gonna have?

Fun and flirty

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’m gonna have fun with it. Keep it on the flirtatious side of things.

FINN_FLIRTY: Oh, nice. I’m looking forward to hearing what you’ve got to say about me.

FINN_FLIRTY: Me and you can flirt with the best of them.

Honest and heartfelt

PLAYER_HAPPY: I’m gonna put my heart out there. I plan to be honest about how I feel.

FINN_HAPPY: Cool. I’m looking forward to hearing you lay it all out in front of everyone.

FINN_HAPPY: I think, moving forward, complete honesty is the way to go.

It’s a surprise

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You’ll just have to wait and see. I’m not giving anything away.

FINN_HAPPY: Oh, nice. I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ve got in store for me.

FINN_HAPPY: Nothing like a good surprise to keep the spark alive.

Finn bites his lip and looks at you.

FINN_FLIRTY: Anyway, enough chat, anything you want to do while we’re alone up here?

FINN_FLIRTY: Anything to make the night extra memorable?

Let’s go all the way right here

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Let’s get steamy!

You pull Finn closer to you, and go straight in for a passionate kiss.

You can feel his hands moving down your back as your tongue moves against his.

The two of you are wrapped up in each other’s embrace, as you rush to remove each other’s clothing.

FINN_FLIRTY: This is so hot.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: It’s gonna get plenty hotter.

With the last of your clothing on the floor, you fall with Finn onto the cushioned seating.

FINN_FLIRTY: This is so naughty knowing that the others are waiting for us.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I don’t care about the others, I only want you.

You kiss Finn passionately, and hear him moan in pleasure as your fingertips caress his toned body.

You and Finn lay back on the seating together, your naked bodies pressed against each other.

You feel a rush of euphoria as you’re both overcome by pure ecstasy.

You fall against Finn’s chest and catch your breath.

FINN_FLIRTY: That was amazing!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I know.

FINN_FLIRTY: Now what?

PLAYER_FLIRTY: We should probably get dressed and head down.

The two of you pick up your clothes and get dressed.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Let’s go, Finn.

Let’s do some bits

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’m up for some fun, but I don’t want to go all the way.

FINN_FLIRTY: Well, I’m down for whatever you want to do, {0}.

You pull Finn towards you and push your lips against his. As you kiss, you feel your tongues moving together.

You move your hands across Finn’s chest and feel his muscles ripple beneath his clothing.

He holds you tenderly as he slowly kisses your neck.

FINN_FLIRTY: That’s so good, {0}.

You hold a prolonged kiss before stepping back.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: That’s enough.

FINN_FLIRTY: I really wish we could stay here a little longer.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: There’s no time right now. The others are waiting for us.

FINN_FLIRTY: Such a shame. I could stay up here all night.

PLAYER_HAPPY: That declaration won’t declare itself.

FINN_HAPPY: You’re right. Let’s get to it.

Let’s join the others

PLAYER_SERIOUS: No time for any funny business. I just want to get to the declarations.

FINN_IDLE: Okie dokie.

PLAYER_IDLE: Let’s go, Finn.

You and Finn leave the terrace and head down towards the front of the villa. The declarations await!

The Islanders jovially walk towards the front of the villa. They are greeted with a giant love heart of flowers. The declarations are about to begin.

A phone pings.

ALFIE_HAPPY: That’s me.

Alfie reads the text out to the other Islanders.

LITEXT: Alfie, it’s time to make your declaration!

ALFIE_HAPPY: No pressure then.

FINN_HAPPY: You’ll smash it, pal.

SURESH_IDLE: Yeah, good luck, mate.

Alfie and Dana stand opposite each other in front of the flower arch.

ALFIE_EMBARRASSED: Sorry, Dana. I didn’t think that I would be this nervous.

DANA_IDLE: That’s okay, Alf. Just take your time.

Alfie composes himself and takes a deep breath.

ALFIE_IDLE: Dana, what can I say about you?

ALFIE_IDLE: For starters, I don’t think there’s ever been anything romantic between us.

ALFIE_HAPPY: And I defo didn’t expect to be coupled up with her at this point.

ALFIE_HAPPY: Not that I’m complaining. Time with Dana is always time well spent.

ALFIE_HAPPY: She’s got the jokes, the charm, and she’s a true banter queen.

ALFIE_FLIRTY: And she’s a stone cold stunner in the looks department!

DANA_FLIRTY: Thanks, Alfie mate.

ALFIE_IDLE: So, to conclude. My Love Island journey might not have ended with romance.

ALFIE_FLIRTY: And I did have my eyes on somebody else.

ALFIE_SERIOUS: There’s been lots of ups and downs and I’ve learnt a lot of lessons.

ALFIE_SERIOUS: I came into the villa pretty inexperienced with relationships.

ALFIE_EMBARRASSED: I was keen to find love. Probably a bit too keen at times.

ALFIE_EMBARRASSED: And I made plenty of mistakes along the way.

ALFIE_SERIOUS: I could’ve picked up on some signs better and been more self-aware I guess.

ALFIE_EMBARRASSED: Safe to say, if I had my villa time again I’d do things pretty differently.

ALFIE_IDLE: But I think I leave the villa as a better more self-aware Alfie.

ALFIE_HAPPY: And I’ve loved every second spent with you beautiful people.

Finn and Kat cheer. Dana laughs.

DANA_HAPPY: Isn’t this supposed to be about me?

ALFIE_HAPPY: I’m coming back to you now, Dana.

ALFIE_IDLE: I’m proud to say that it has ended with a great friendship.

ALFIE_HAPPY: So, thanks Dana for making my days a little brighter.

ALFIE_HAPPY: And my smile a little wider!

ALFIE_HAPPY: The end.

The Islanders give Alfie a round of applause. Dana gives Alfie a friendly hug.

DANA_HAPPY: Thanks, Alfie. That was sweet.

FINN_HAPPY: Nice one, Alf. You’re a true gentleman.

Dana’s phone pings.

DANA_HAPPY: That’s me.

She reads out the text.

LITEXT: Dana, it’s time to make your declaration!

DANA_HAPPY: Well, Alfie, time to return the sentiment.

ALFIE_HAPPY: Don’t hold back, Dana.

Dana smiles at Alfie.

DANA_IDLE: Alfie, Alfie, Alfie, what a guy!

DANA_HAPPY: Like he said, there’s never been anything romantic between me and him.

DANA_IDLE: And I didn’t expect to be coupled up with him at this point either.

DANA_SAD: It’s not quite the fairy tale ending I dreamed about.

DANA_IDLE: But, it is what it is. No point being down about it.

DANA_HAPPY: I’m sure we can have some fun in the time we have left.

DANA_HAPPY: And who better for the banter queen than the banter king?

DANA_IDLE: Just like Alf, my Love Island journey hasn’t ended with romance either.

Dana looks at you, then quickly back at Alfie.

DANA_HAPPY: But I’ve learnt loads about myself too.

DANA_SAD: I’ve made a shed load of mistakes throughout this process.

DANA_SERIOUS: I’ve been interested in people I shouldn’t have been interested in.

DANA_EMBARRASSED: I’ve spoken and acted before thinking.

Dana glances your direction sincerely.

DANA_SAD: But the biggest mistake I made was not trusting someone I should’ve trusted.

DANA_EMBARRASSED: And letting my insecurities and baggage get the better of me.

DANA_SAD: And making a stupid mistake that I immediately regretted.

DANA_IDLE: Anyway, I think things have turned out for the better for this person.

DANA_HAPPY: And I wish her the best.

Dana smiles at you before returning back to Alfie.

You’re forgiven, Dana

PLAYER_HAPPY: You’re forgiven, Dana. Thanks for owning your mistakes.

DANA_HAPPY: Thank you, {0}. Means a lot to hear that from you.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Fresh starts!

I don’t forgive cheats!

PLAYER_ANGRY: I don’t forgive people who cheat!

PLAYER_ANGRY: Like you said, you should’ve trusted me!

DANA_SAD: I know.

Dana trails off awkwardly.

DANA_EMBARRASSED: Well, erm…

Ignore her

You turn away from Dana and avoid her gaze completely. She looks hurt.

Dana continues her declaration awkwardly.

DANA_EMBARRASSED: Well, erm…

DANA_IDLE: I leave here ready to find love.

DANA_IDLE: And I’m also proud to say that it has ended with a great friendship.

DANA_HAPPY: Cheers, Alfie.

ALFIE_HAPPY: No probs.

The other Islanders give Dana a round of applause.

Suresh’s phone pings.

SURESH_IDLE: That’s me.

He reads out the text.

LITEXT: Suresh, it’s time to make your declaration!

Suresh and Kat stand opposite each other in front of the flower arch.

KAT_FLIRTY: Let’s see what you’ve got for me then, Suresh.

SURESH_IDLE: I’ll start by saying things haven’t quite turned out as I hoped they would.

KAT_ANGRY: You’re telling me!

SURESH_SERIOUS: I didn’t come all the way here for Kat.

SURESH_SERIOUS: I didn’t come here to seek forgiveness from Kat.

SURESH_SAD: And I certainly didn’t hope to be reunited with Kat.

Suresh looks at you.

SURESH_IDLE: But I am standing here in a coupling with Kat.

SURESH_IDLE: And that was because of a choice that somebody else made.

SURESH_HAPPY: A choice that means that maybe things have turned out for the best.

Suresh smiles at you.

SURESH_HAPPY: For both of us.

SURESH_EMBARRASSED: Throughout this process I’ve learnt so much about myself.

SURESH_IDLE: And I’d approach it all very differently now.

SURESH_EMBARRASSED: My focus from the start was trying to win you back, {0}.

Suresh locks eyes with you.

SURESH_SAD: But I should’ve focused on what you wanted.

SURESH_EMBARRASSED: Instead of trying to persuade you that you wanted the same thing I did.

SURESH_EMBARRASSED: I think I tried to persuade myself of that deep down, too.

SURESH_SAD: But I should’ve known there was no coming back from what I’d done.

SURESH_SERIOUS: I couldn’t bring myself to walk away though, although I should have.

SURESH_SAD: But, {0}, you deserve better than me.

SURESH_SERIOUS: Someone who’d never even be tempted to make the mistake I made.

SURESH_HAPPY: And whether that’s Finn, or someone else, I’ll be happy for you.

SURESH_IDLE: I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m finally ready to move forward.

SURESH_IDLE: To see what love has lined up for me down the road.

SURESH_HAPPY: {0}, I’m sorry for everything, and I mean that.

You’re forgiven

PLAYER_HAPPY: Thanks, Suresh. I am ready to forgive you.

Suresh beams at you. You notice his eyes slightly tear up, until he quickly blinks them away.

SURESH_HAPPY: That means a lot to me.

SURESH_HAPPY: Thank you, {0}.

PLAYER_HAPPY: You’re welcome, Suresh.

You’re not forgiven

PLAYER_ANGRY: I’m not going to forgive you, Suresh.

PLAYER_ANGRY: You should’ve never cheated on me in the first place.

PLAYER_ANGRY: And you should’ve dealt with this whole situation differently.

SURESH_SAD: I know that.

PLAYER_ANGRY: Too little, too late. Wrap it up!

KAT_SURPRISED: I thought I was the sass Queen!

I don’t believe you

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: I don’t believe a word you’re saying, Suresh.

PLAYER_ANGRY: Cute speech, but I’m not buying it.

SURESH_SAD: I meant every word.

SURESH_EMBARRASSED: I thought I owed you a final apology.

SURESH_IDLE: But if you don’t want to hear it, that’s fine.

PLAYER_ANGRY: Too little, too late. Wrap it up.

SURESH_IDLE: Anyway, back to you, Kat.

KAT_FLIRTY: At last.

SURESH_HAPPY: Who knows? Maybe me and you might develop a spark?

KAT_ANGRY: Not likely, pal.

Alfie and Dana chuckle to themselves.

SURESH_IDLE: Well, that’s me done anyway.

The Islanders give Suresh a muted, awkward round of applause.

Kat’s phone pings.

KAT_FLIRTY: That’s me!

Kat reads the text out for the other Islanders.

LITEXT: Kat, it’s time to make your declaration.

DANA_HAPPY: Good luck, Kat.

KAT_SERIOUS: I’m not sure how this is gonna go.

SURESH_IDLE: It is what it is. I must have some good points you can talk about.

KAT_HAPPY: Maybe if I think hard enough.

KAT_IDLE: Erm… Suresh, you have wonderful abs.

KAT_IDLE: Your facial hair is always perfectly groomed.

KAT_IDLE: You’re quite a head-turner, especially…

Kat looks over at Finn.

KAT_SAD: With your sexy tattoos and your beautiful long locks.

SURESH_EMBARRASSED: I’m over here, Kat.

KAT_SAD: Sorry, Suresh. My head’s not with you right now.

KAT_IDLE: Also, you’re not exactly an angel are you?

KAT_EMBARRASSED: I mean, you did cheat on {0}.

KAT_ANGRY: Who I would’ve defended to the end of the earth until recently.

KAT_IDLE: Anyway, let’s wrap this up.

KAT_SERIOUS: If we win, Suresh, don’t cheat me out of the money.

SURESH_SAD: Talk about a mic drop.

The other Islanders awkwardly clap their hands.

Finn’s phone pings.

FINN_HAPPY: Here we go.

LITEXT: Finn, it’s time to make your declaration!

Finn stands still as he looks at you. He seems to be silently preparing himself.

FINN_SERIOUS: Finn and {0}. {1} and Finn.

FINN_IDLE: It blows my mind when I think about it.

FINN_IDLE: That somebody like you would choose somebody like me.

FINN_IDLE: Somebody that radiates beauty, power, honesty and wit.

FINN_HAPPY: No, I’m not talking about me.

Finn winks at you. Alfie laughs.

FINN_SERIOUS: But, seriously, {0}, you have all those qualities and more.

FINN_SAD: The one regret that I’ll carry home with me is I didn’t find that out sooner.

FINN_SAD: I guess I was distracted for a while.

KAT_ANGRY: Distracted? Thanks, Finn!

FINN_SAD: And I’m not proud of the fact that I wasn’t more honest with you, Kat.

FINN_EMBARRASSED: I think I knew that my feelings for you didn’t quite match yours for me.

FINN_SAD: And I guess I probably always knew that you weren’t the right person for me.

FINN_SAD: I am sorry for that.

KAT_SAD: Yeah, me too.

FINN_IDLE: But from now on I’m gonna be honest with myself and those I’m close to.

Finn looks deep into your eyes, passion stirring in his.

FINN_FLIRTY: I know exactly what, and who, I want now.

FINN_FLIRTY: And I’m not gonna change my mind.

FINN_IDLE: Meeting you, {0}, has been life changing for me.

FINN_IDLE: You’ve made me realise that I can still be my wild and adventurous self.

FINN_IDLE: While also having a meaningful connection with somebody.

FINN_HAPPY: I don’t need to change who I am to be with you.

FINN_HAPPY: And you don’t need to change for me.

FINN_FLIRTY: My heart is yours now.

FINN_FLIRTY: And it sounds like I might be lucky enough that you feel the same.

FINN_SERIOUS: I know I haven’t won yours yet, but hopefully I’ll get there some day.

FINN_HAPPY: And even if not, I’m grateful you’ve given me this time with you.

FINN_HAPPY: You’re all I’ve ever wanted, beour. It just took me a while to realise it.

The other Islanders give Finn a round of applause.

FINN_IDLE: So, {0}, how did I do?

That speech was perfect

PLAYER_HAPPY: Finn, that was beautiful. You couldn’t have done any better than that.

FINN_HAPPY: Thanks, {0}. I meant every word of it.

FINN_HAPPY: And I’m so glad I got the opportunity to tell you how I feel.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Thanks, Finn. I’ll never forget it.

That speech was awful

PLAYER_SAD: I can’t say that I was impressed by that nonsense, Finn.

FINN_SAD: Nonsense? I just laid my heart out for you.

FINN_SAD: That genuinely hurts to hear that.

PLAYER_SAD: Well, maybe you should have tried a little harder.

KAT_FLIRTY: That went well.

That speech was okay

PLAYER_IDLE: I mean, you did okay, I suppose.

FINN_SAD: Just okay? I was laying my heart out for you.

PLAYER_IDLE: It had good points and bad points. It didn’t blow me away is all.

FINN_IDLE: Well, it was my first attempt. I’m sure I can develop in the language of love.

Your phone pings.

FINN_FLIRTY: Last but not least.

You read out the text.

LITEXT: {0}, it’s time to make your declaration!

You step forward and take a deep breath. All eyes are on you.

Finn stands in front of you.

PLAYER_IDLE: Finn, what can I say about you?

You’re super sexy!

PLAYER_HAPPY: You have the body and hair of a toned Irish God!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: And I can’t stop thinking about getting you out of those clothes.

FINN_FLIRTY: Steady on, {0}, let’s wait until we’re alone, shall we?

KAT_ANGRY: Yeah, nobody wants to see that! Have some class!

You’re not the best looking

PLAYER_SAD: You might not be my idea of physical perfection.

FINN_SAD: Really? I thought I was pretty much your dream guy.

PLAYER_IDLE: You do have a lot of other great qualities though.

FINN_HAPPY: Yeah, that’s true.

KAT_ANGRY: Loyalty ain’t one of them.

Looks aren’t everything

PLAYER_IDLE: Sometimes looks aren’t the most attractive thing about a person.

PLAYER_IDLE: And even though you’re a gorgeous guy.

PLAYER_SAD: I think your other qualities outshine the more obvious things.

FINN_HAPPY: It’s nice to know that I’m a man of many layers.

KAT_ANGRY: And you smell like an onion!

PLAYER_ANGRY: This is my turn, Kat!

PLAYER_IDLE: And as I’ve got to know you I’ve realised that…

Your personality is perfect

PLAYER_HAPPY: I’ve never met anybody with such a wonderful personality.

FINN_HAPPY: Aw, {0}, that’s so nice of you to say.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Nobody else has the heart, the humour and the intrigue that you do. You’re everything I could’ve hoped for, and more.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: And I can’t wait to fully explore our adventurous sides together.

Your personality sucks

PLAYER_SAD: Your personality leaves a lot to be desired.

FINN_SAD: Really? That’s not what I wanted to hear from a declaration of love.

PLAYER_IDLE: Maybe if you work on yourself you’ll improve in that department.

FINN_IDLE: Okay, {0}. I’ll try my best.

Personality isn’t everything

PLAYER_IDLE: Sometimes personality isn’t the most obviously attractive thing about a person. It can take time to see someone’s true personality.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I think Finn’s other qualities will do for now, and we’ll see how things develop.

FINN_HAPPY: I’m down for that. Let’s see how our personalities grow together.

PLAYER_IDLE: And, through it all I’d say that…

I’m loved up

PLAYER_HAPPY: I’m feeling well and truly head over heels. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I wouldn’t want to share my heart with anybody else.

FINN_HAPPY: And neither would I.

The other Islanders swoon and applaud your speech, except Kat, who sulks.

I’m up for a laugh

PLAYER_HAPPY: I’ve realised that this should all be about fun. I’ve been through so much drama in this villa, I just want fun now.And, Finn, you’re the person that I want to share that fun with.

FINN_FLIRTY: I couldn’t ask for anything more. A fun-filled future sounds good to me!

PLAYER_HAPPY: How’s this for fun?

You do a sexy twirl and take a bow.

The other Islanders woop and applaud, except Kat, who sulks.

I don’t know what I’m saying

PLAYER_IDLE: I literally have no clue what I’m talking about anymore.

FINN_SERIOUS: What?

PLAYER_IDLE: I’m kind of just rambling at this point.

PLAYER_SAD: I don’t really know how to finish my speech.

PLAYER_IDLE: I guess I’ll just let it… end.

You finish your speech with a bow. The other Islanders clap awkwardly.

You hug Finn. As your bodies press together, you realise you’ve still got the plastic ring in your possession.

As Finn looks into your eyes, you have a wildly romantic idea.

What if you put the ring to proper use by asking Finn to marry you?

Propose to Finn!

You drop to one knee and hold out the plastic ring.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Will you marry me, Finn?

NARRATOR: Wow, {0} really committed to her declaration of love by popping the big question!

NARRATOR: A declaration hasn’t caused such a surprise since I declared to customs that I was going to work in a shed for the summer.

NARRATOR: I always overshare. But has {0} just overshared?

NARRATOR: Or is she about to share an engagement with her partner?

NARRATOR: Find out next time on Love Island!

Don’t propose to Finn

A phone pings.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: I’ve got a text!

KAT_SURPRISED: Read it out then!

LITEXT: Islanders, please gather round the firepit. It’s time to crown the winner of this year’s Love Island! {0}WinnerTakesItAll {1}LoveOrMoney

NARRATOR: It’s finally time to crown the winning couple of this year’s Love Island.

NARRATOR: In some ways, each couple are already winners for reaching the final.

NARRATOR: In another more factually accurate way, there is only one winner, and they’re about to be crowned!

NARRATOR: But will they choose love or money?

NARRATOR: Find out next time on Love Island!

[uncle-fruity]

Also just wanna throw in here that suffering is suffering, oppression is oppression. Arguing about who has it "worse" or who has it "better" is always going to be reductive of someone's experiences. Besides, how do you measure this stuff? Are all trans experiences universal? Do all trans men suffer the same amount as each other? Are all trans women suffering the same amount as each other? Is it not possible that these things are highly dependent on other factors, such as where someone lives, what kind of community support they have, how well they "pass" (if they even try to), how much money the individual has, what their race is, how much bodily autonomy the individual has (like how many disabled folks are forced to depend on other ppl & are often disempowered bc of it)? Like, there are so many variables to consider that saying straight up and down that all trans women have it "worse" than all trans men is just...foolish and shortsighted.

And it's dangerous because you get folks dismissing trans men out of hand with absolutely 0 context of that man's situation. You get people who refuse to listen to or validate trans men's issues because they think we don't have it that bad. You get people who don't realize that transmasc HRT is a *controlled substance* which absolutely affects us when it comes to antitrans legislation -- and so they can ignore this and continue to think that antitrans legislation simply doesn't affect trans men enough for our experiences to count!

I once made a personal post on my personal blog about how I was worried about being at an in between stage in my HRT and how it was hard for me to choose which bathroom I should use in public to best avoid potentially getting hate crimed. And the ONLY person who responded told me to basically "suck it up, buttercup, trans men don't face oppression & you'll never be as oppressed as trans women, so stop crying about it" (paraphrasing here, but that was the sentiment I took away). This is a person who's never even seen a picture of me; how do they even begin to make a judgement about how safe I should feel in public?

Now, I've been through enough therapy & I've had enough life experience to let it more or less roll off my shoulders, but like!! If I wasn't so resilient, that could have really pushed me into a deep depression. (Ever look up the suicide rates of trans folks? Like, I ain't suicidal, but randos don't know that about me.) I've had people all my life telling me in so many ways that my pain doesn't matter, that my feelings need to be tabled to make way for other people's feelings/comfort, and that I need to be supportive of the people around me without ever expecting that support to be reciprocated. And that is cruel. To expect someone to listen to & care about your pain & suffering while simultaneously demanding they ignore their own and keep it to themselves. Even worse, when someone is expressing fear or distress, to come onto their post and diminish them with absolutely no idea of the workings of their life. Being dismissive on the technicality that a different group somewhere out there might have it worse than you isn't gonna help in any material way. It isn't going to help the person who's hurting directly in front of you, and it's not going to help the people who allegedly have it worse. It's just gonna put the community at each other's throats over a stupid oppression pissing contest. It's just gonna silence another trans voice.

So, I guess, my question is: what is the end goal of comparing the pain of highly targeted groups of people? Why does it matter and how does it quantifiably help the communities you're trying to protect?

honestly i feel nothing but dread whenever i see popular video essayists tackle masculinity & manhood, because like, the track record is so bad. i wish ppl would stop propogating the notion of transmasculine privilege (or at the very least, 'lesser suffering' bullshit) to their large and cis audiences. it's exhausting.

[patriciavetinari]

Long personal post about sex, please scroll accordingly if not interested.

I believe I just realized a part of why I'm so frustrated about romance, including sexual relationships. Not just that I've always been interested, and I think part of the reason might be limited attention in my childhood? Me believeing I should be loved and supported and taken care of more than I did? Busy single mother, combined with absolute assholes for classmates who were treating me horribly, teachers ignoring the situation, no help from anyone? Family not being the safe haven I was always told it is?.. Being disappointed with family love, having never experienced comraderie and friends' love it seems like all of it accumulated into strong desire for romantic love and partnership built on romantic connection. I'm just speculating though, no time for a therapist.

But then as a marginalized person you grow up without proper socialization (I've never had a birthday party in my life), and romantic socialization and flirting being part of that, so you become an adult completely lacking social skill. Add on to it general unpleasantness fat people and fat women experience.

And it's not for a lack of trying that I'm single. I've done years and years of research, I've watched and read about being charming and making friends and finding partners, from reasonable coaches to absolutely insane stuff, and I've been dutiful and trying those methods – I have found none that have worked. I've been on dating apps, I've been forcing myself out of comfort zone, going out every day off, I've been dressing like a hoe, like a en elegant lady, like a big titty goth gf – none of this has worked. The only thing I haven't tried is speed dating, but I have a few of those bookmarked.

And yes, I've made the first step, multiple times, I've asked people out myself rather than expect them to approach. I've been told no or been stood up, I've literally had 0% success rate and revived my confidence from the pits of despair every time.

And at the same time, still, the person I want to be is the one that turns heads and has a string of competing lovers and people having duels over my attention and affections. Last one I'm willing to live without, but to have people find me desirable in a romantic way is still a strong desire of my own and even though I don't have that and I have to be able to go on alone... Idk, I still yearn. Badly. At the very least I want to try and reach that lifestyle and then figure out on my own that it's not for me. I think it goes back to feeling invisible and overshadowed and forgotten and unwanted, so now I really wish to experience the opposite. And yeah, if I can rake in some material benefits – even better. If I could be having sugar daddies and mommies, or have an onlyfans, I would do it.

I mean... When I say if I could – I can, probably, but that's the thing, the technical part is easy. Start an account, point a camera at yourself, click, but the next step is where I get stuck. Like, what do I do? How do I act sexy? What is the type of sexyness that fits me, that I can confortably perform, that doesn't feel like the most generic porn parody? What is it about me that turns people on? How should I act to maximise that?

And I once again come back to having no experience of feeling sexy, desired, beautiful to another person. I... Don't think it's exactly seeking validation. Because I'm generally fine with myself and I go out without makeup no problem, I value my comfort etc, and I know in my skull that I'm pretty. But I do want to be beautiful to other people. I do want the experience of being wanted and I've never had that. Not in a way that is acceptable, so a dudebro posting an eggplant emoji under my selfie is not what I'm looking for. I'm probably seeking attention but that is also respectful I guess? I'm aware my standards are high, but low standards brought me terrible experiences in the past.

Doesn't help that the 2 very poor sex experiences that I've had happened when I was anorexic, so much thinner, and both of those people were very bad at sex, not bothering with foreplay or making me feel desired, even though they clearly wanted to fuck. Like, as wild as it sounds, I felt like one of them is not really interested in my, and the other wanted to fuck me but did't fee the need for me to feel good. Both of them were really not nice to me. I'm not even talking about orgasms. One of them blatantly told me that me not orgasming or not much enjoying the shitty sex meant that I'm not 'built' to enjoy sex which fucking had me fuming for obvious reasons. I've been fascinated by sex since very early age and still am and that's the reason I don't think I'm ace (?). I've entertained a thought, but at the moment I genuinely don't know if it's me not experiencing sexual desire towards people or just not letting myself entertain the idea that a real person could want me because that has literally never happened (in my current body size, I honestly view my brief period of thinness almost as another person, I have nothing in common with her). So I don't let myself fantasize or desire someone or even have a crush because it's always painful and just seems unrealistic.

I think I had a crush at my old job, and mustered the courage to ask the person out twice and that's how I got stoop up and then found out they started dating someone else, and I literally cried, feeling like a high schooler (derogatory). So I don't let myself have crushes because what's the point. I try to find enjoyment if friendly hanging out nowadays.

And coming back to sex, without having experienced any genuine interaction, any expression of desire towards me as a person or even to my current body – again, in a way that is more human than eggplant emoji or like 'i wana fuck your bobs' – without any of it I don't know what is it that people find sexy about me, IF they find me desirable, which aspects of my look or attitude turn people on, what should I be highligting. I want to learn, I want to play into my strengths, but I don't know what they are. Yeah I do want to hear that someone is crazy about me, loves talking to me and wants to pleasure me and loves my mind as well as my body just the way it is. You know, the Gomez Addams approach.

My main problem is that my empirical evidence of being alive as a human shows me that I either don't provoke any desire or I provoke primitive disrespectful fetishization. That the only people willing to show their attraction to me or act up on it are very unpleasant predatory types. And all of them online too, no real life person has shown any interest or effort in trying to spend time with me for anythibg long term or even just get into my bed which I would be totally ok with.

Of cource it's disheartening and discourageing and concerning.

I'm always trying to find out what is people do that makes them have a partner after partner, or a string of fun sex encounters, or just adventurous personal life (of course I don't realky care what thin people have to say on the topic, they literally live in the world of their own especially when it comes to relationships). I want that. I want to learn, I'm willing to try stuff and muster courage, I wouldn't mind having an onlyfans, but I think my own research is not helping me enough in learning about my own sexuality, find the right ways to be sexy because I've bever made feel like I am sexy to anyone, I've never been told that (again, in human ways not in scum ways). I feel silly most of the time when attemting to flirt, and the old protective mechanism of being the clown, compensating fatness with being funny to ve accepted still looms its ugly head.

I don't know what to do. I want to have people ask for my phone number all the time, and compete for my attention, having 4849385 invites to do something after work or on the weekend, having my pick of people to spend time and have sex with as much as my heart desires. And yeah, being pampered and taken care of and showered with words and gifts and gestures as well. Years of loneliness have made me gluttonous for all that, and the sick irony of desiring all that while in a fat body in a world that hates fat people and makes sure we know we absolutely should 't be expecting any of that.

I don't know if I'll ever grow out of that. Or if I'll ever be touched by another human being. Seems quite hopeless at the moment.

[thefloatingstone]

shipping is a major issue, yes but it tends to be only an issue mostly with women. look at male-dominated star wars fandom vs female dominated parts of it for an example and see who were the ones yelling about shipping and reylo and who about plot, whether you agree with them or not. it's not a coincidence that most female centred media is about romance, women tend to fall for amatonormativity more often (not going to speculate why, it's possibly self-reinforcing as women are rewarded for being obsessed with romance while men are seen as weak)

Gonna be honest with you, anon.

None of what you just said and whatever my opinions on how right or wrong you are matter. Because this has 0 to do with any of that.

The problem that I stated was that "Shipping CULTURE has ruined so many good stories". Not "People who have ships".

There are a group of people who put value into who is making out with who above what the story is and who the characters are. They might as well bang barbie dolls together and they'd get the same exact satisfaction. it's not about the individuality of characters. It's about who is borking who.

This is not "people who ship". Like regular normal fans who like a dynamic between specific characters and enjoy playing their psychologies and experiences against each other. That content is not only "fine", it's often times GREAT. Often times understanding character psychologies better than the canon writers do. But this is "Shipping CULTURE". As in the mentality around it and how certain people approach it. In that "I just think these two people are cool together and if you don't then you're [insert accusation here]". But it also doesn't ONLY mean fandom. And that's what I was more specifically referring to in this case.

Thanks to shipping culture, we had to sit through TEN YEARS of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and Ross and Rachel being the absolute worst people to each other just because they weren't allowed to get together permanently until literally the last episode because that shipping culture of "oooooh is your otp ship gonna become canon??? Stay tuned for the next episode and maybe you'll find out!! Oh you DON'T ship Ross with Rachel? Well maybe they get NEW relationships next episode and maybe one of them is your otp! Stay tuned next episode to find out!"

FOR TEN. FUCKING. YEARS.

Because shipping culture told show writers that THAT is what will keep people watching a show which is is actually GOOD. No no it has nothing to do with the good writing, it's about whether Ross and Rachel are gonna decide to stay together permanently.

I just watched Quinton Reviews talk about iCarly. A show I have never watched in my life, and in it he says how the show writers had 0 interest in shipping anyone in the show and openly said they didn't want to write shipping content. But the online fans were SO RABID about who should fucking kiss who that Nickelodeon made entire event days and commercials and adverts teasing relationship bullshit that never even happens in the show just to get people to watch.

The post I reblogged was from Thanks-Ken-Penders and is about the atrocious writing in the late 90s and early 2000s of the Sonic comic and there is SO MUCH OF THIS BULLSHIT in it.

Mina the Mongoose literally only exists because the editor wanted "a threat to Sally". Sally breaks up with Sonic to "keep the relationship spicy". Online fans at the time were frothing at the mouth and RAGING at each other on "who was the better couple" and "who Sonic should end up with" and all of this just kept going and going and going and none of it ever resolved and instead of seeing these characters go on adventures it's an endless hellish loop of editor-mandated petty relationship drama on who should end up in a heteronormative relationship with who and OH MY GOD I DON'T CARE WHY ISN'T SONIC PUNCHING MORE ROBOTS?????

THAT is what I mean with "shipping culture has ruined so many good stories"

Are you right about what you said in your ask? Are you wrong? Are you assigning stereotypical binary gender roles? Are you stating what decades of toy marketing culture has learned?

IT LITERALLY DOESN'T MATTER.

I am so sick of studios and distributors and editors kneecapping what could be good or at least passable stories with fucking bullshit just to wank off the audience who don't care about anything else.

Go write for Days of Our lives or whatever soap operas still exist if you want to write an endless 30 year long "will the won't they" relationship that never goes anywhere with interchangeable characters where nobody has depth outside of who looks hot standing next to who.

[bronanlynch]

a million years later I’m done with aa3 and once again ranking lawyers by how much I would want to be their file clerk. there are so many lawyers in this one holy shit

phoenix: his office manager is a nineteen year old with very little management experience which is kind of a red flag. on the other hand at least he has an office manager so I wouldn’t be dealing with his nonsense alone. and he does clean the toilet without having to be nagged abt it which is the kind of thing I look for in any man that I’m going to be sharing any kind of space with for any extended length of time. 8/10, loses points because of his light caseload

mia (flashback era): I’d prob be technically working for the whole firm, not just her specifically, which means I’d at least be at an established business who knows how to set up health insurance for their employees. and she seems like she would be nice to her assistants even when she’s horrifically stressed so, and would properly appreciate how nice and neat her files are. 9/10, loses a point bc she had that big gap between cases and I’d have to deal w her coworkers

goldberg: again, love to work at a nice stable firm. he seems a bit obnoxious to deal with all the time but mostly wouldn’t speak to me except to ask me to mail letters or tell me awkward stories if we were in the kitchen at the same time which is like. tolerably annoying boss behavior. also he has a receptionist, and I love to gossip with receptionists. 7/10, talk to me abt your PTO policy and we’ll see

diego armando: I do not care for the way he talks to women and if I had to work directly with him I would request for that not to be the case pretty much immediately. no I don’t care that he and mia were dating, don’t condescendingly call your much younger female coworker “kitten.” 5/10, still might put up with him for the stable income (see above)

payne: again, I’m allergic to older men condescending to me. I mean, I’m allergic to all men condescending to me but there’s a specific flavor of rage that fills me when he calls mia “little girl” in court and I’m not working for men who would talk to me like that thank you very much. 2/10, maybe if I were really desperate

godot: being dead didn’t improve the misogyny and also my entire job would consist of getting him more coffee. I think I would snap and poison him myself. 0/10, he barely takes cases so what would even be the point

edgeworth (flashback era): god he was such a little shit (affectionate) and I would not want to be anywhere near him. absolutely the kind of smug bastard who tries to tell me I made a formatting error on the document I typed up for him and won’t listen when I try to explain that both ways are actually correct and it’s entirely a matter of taste. 3/10, no thank you

edgeworth (defense attorney era): actively having several different crises over phoenix being in the hospital and briefly following in his father’s footsteps and also probably jetlagged as hell which would not make him a great boss and probably would snap at me more than I would prefer however I would love to have a front row seat to his gay drama and honestly, being competent and fairly organized and not actively cruel or sexist goes a long way imo. unfortunately a very short term temp gig so no benefits or long-term job security. 8/10, for once I don’t have to deduct points for him being a prosecutor

franziska: has maybe chilled out a little tiny bit and grown as a person since last game. however. would still prefer not to be in danger of getting hit with a whip by my boss, and don’t love the concept of working for someone with such unforgiving standards of perfectionism. I already expect that from myself, I don’t need my boss reinforcing it. on the other hand, if she paid my travel expenses I might consider it. 5/10, still losing points for being a prosecutor and also a teenager

(aa1 | aa2)