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srslyscary · 2 months ago

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crown heist

contents/warnings: SFW, slightly ooc, lowercase intended

including: wooyoung x reader

w.c: 2.2k

note: royal au! EAT EAT EAT . anyways I have nothing else to say. enjoy!

the kingdom of adalin was known far and wide for its grand castles, vast forests, and most of all, its indomitable queen. queen YN was the epitome of grace, her image perfectly curated by the royal advisors to maintain the idealistic vision of a monarch who was as innocent as she was powerful. the people adored her, believing her to be a delicate flower who ruled with a gentle hand. but wooyoung knew better.

every thief worth his salt had heard of the crown kept in the queen's chambers—an heirloom that had been passed down from generation to generation, which holds the power to command the loyalty of the entire kingdom. for a thief like wooyoung, stealing it wasn’t just a job—it was the ultimate prize.

the plan had been set in motion weeks ago. wooyoung had spent countless hours mapping out the castle, learning the guards' routines, and finding the best points of entry. he’d bribed, blackmailed, and even charmed his way into the castle more than once to learn the layout. by the time he was ready, he could navigate the corridors blindfolded.

the night was thick with silence, the moon hanging high in the sky, casting a dim silver glow over the kingdom. wooyoung moved like a shadow, slipping past the guards with practiced ease. the dark, winding hallways of the castle were like a second home to him now. he avoided the pressure plates, sidestepped the creaky floorboards, and held his breath as he slithered past the patrolling guards.

finally, he reached the queen's chambers. the door loomed before him, a thick, imposing barrier that would intimidate any ordinary thief. but wooyoung was no ordinary thief. with a smirk, he carefully picked the lock, the satisfying click of the tumblers falling into place filling him with confidence. he slowly pushed the door open and slipped inside, closing it behind him with barely a whisper of sound.

the room was dark, save for the pale moonlight streaming in through the grand window. wooyoung’s eyes scanned the room, finding the bed draped in rich, heavy curtains. the silhouette of the queen was visible through the fabric, her form still and quiet, as though she were sound asleep.

he crept forward, his gaze locking onto the crown resting on a pedestal near the bed. it was even more magnificent up close, the gems embedded in it catching the faint light and sparkling like a thousand stars. this was it. the prize he'd been dreaming of.

just as his fingers brushed the cool metal of the crown, he heard it—a sharp click, unmistakable in the silence of the room. he froze, his heart pounding in his chest as a voice, harsh and commanding, cut through the darkness.

"move another inch, and i’ll shoot you dead."

wooyoung’s blood ran cold. he turned his head slightly, his eyes widening as he realized the queen was not in bed. instead, she stood in the dark corner of the room, her figure partially obscured by shadows. she stepped forward, the faint light illuminating her face as she trained an 8-inch double-barrel shotgun on his head. her black gown clung to her form, a stark contrast to the image the people of adalin had of their queen. this wasn’t the delicate, demure ruler everyone believed her to be.

"you," she hissed, her voice low and dangerous. "what the hell are you doing in my room at this ungodly hour?"

wooyoung chuckled, his hands slowly raising in surrender. “i’m here for the crown."

her lips curled into a smirk, though her eyes remained cold. "and what makes you think you can just walk in here and take it?"

he hesitated, trying to gauge his options. wooyoung was known for his silver tongue, but something about the way she held the shotgun—steady, without a hint of fear—told him this was not a woman to trifle with. "I thought you were asleep. the crown is a... valuable piece. It's—"

she cut him off with a scoff, pressing the barrels of the gun harder against his head. "you have no idea what that crown represents."

wooyoung risked a glance at her, surprised by the venom in her voice. the queen's public persona was so different from the woman standing before him now—this was someone hardened by life, someone who had seen and done more than the people could ever imagine. he had to admit, he was intrigued. "you’re... different from what the people say."

she arched an eyebrow, amusement flickering in her eyes. "oh? and what do they say?"

"that you're sweet, innocent, wouldn’t hurt a soul. they say you don’t have the courage to do much of anything."

the queen chuckled darkly, lowering the gun just enough for him to breathe more easily. "reality is always closed off from the naked eye. the people see what they want to see, what I allow them to see. but you, thief, you’ve seen something they never will."

wooyoung dared to smile, his natural charm bubbling to the surface despite the danger. "well, your majesty, I must say, i’m quite honored. not everyone gets to see this side of you."

she rolled her eyes, unimpressed. "flattery will get you nowhere, thief."

"wooyoung," he corrected her, his tone smooth. "the name’s wooyoung."

"and I’m not interested in a thief who has no dignity," she shot back, her gaze never wavering from his.

his smile faltered slightly. "ouch. That's a bit harsh, don’t you think?"

"not nearly as harsh as what I could do to you right now," she replied, her voice dropping to a deadly whisper. she stepped closer, the barrels of the gun now resting against his forehead, cold and unforgiving. "this crown," she continued, her tone growing more heated, "is not just a piece of jewelry. it’s the last treasure my father owned. when I inherited this kingdom and its riches, I lost the one person who meant the most to me. this crown is all I have left of him, and I’ll be damned if I let a petty thief take that connection away from me."

wooyoung’s breath hitched as she pressed the gun harder against his skin. he could see the raw emotion in her eyes, the way her hand trembled ever so slightly. she was close to losing control, her anger and grief warring within her.

for a moment, he thought she might pull the trigger. but then, she hesitated, her expression shifting from anger to something else. something more vulnerable.

she lowered the gun, her shoulders slumping as if the weight of the world had finally crushed her spirit. wooyoung watched in silence as she pressed the barrels of the shotgun to her own forehead, closing her eyes with a weary sigh.

"why am I even bothering?" she muttered, more to herself than to him. "i’m too tired for this."

wooyoung stood frozen, unsure of what to do or say. this was not how he’d imagined the night going. the queen, once so fierce and commanding, now looked drained—mentally, physically, and emotionally.

she turned away from him, moving back to the dark corner where she had been sitting. with a flick of her wrist, she turned on a small lamp, the soft light casting a warm glow over her face. she sank into a plush chair, her grip on the shotgun loosening as she stared at the floor.

"i don’t know why I’m telling you all this," she said after a long silence. her voice was quiet now, almost defeated. "you’re just a thief, someone who doesn’t care about anything but his own gain."

wooyoung, sensing an opportunity, slowly lowered his hands, taking a cautious step closer. "maybe. but... maybe I do care."

she looked up at him, her eyes filled with doubt. "why would you? you don’t even know me."

"true," he admitted, "but I can see you’re going through something. and... i’ve been through my share of hardships too."

the queen scoffed, though there was less venom in it this time. "what could someone like you possibly know about hardship?"

wooyoung sighed, running a hand through his hair. "more than you’d think. but that’s not important right now. what matters is that... you don’t have to go through this alone."

she laughed bitterly, shaking her head. "alone? that’s all I’ve ever been. even surrounded by people, i’ve always been alone."

wooyoung’s heart twisted at the pain in her voice. despite his initial intentions, he found himself wanting to help her, to ease some of the burden she carried. "you’re not alone right now," he said softly, taking another step closer.

the queen’s gaze met his, her eyes searching his face for any sign of deceit. when she found none, she looked away, her expression softening. "i didn’t tell you to come closer. and why haven’t you run off with the crown like you planned?"

"because—“ he chuckled, choosing his words carefully. "because maybe I’ve found something more valuable than the crown."

she arched an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. "and what would that be?"

"you," he said simply, his voice sincere.

the queen stared at him, her expression unreadable. for a long moment, neither of them spoke, the silence heavy with unspoken emotions. then, she sighed, leaning back in her chair. "you’re a strange one, wooyoung. i don’t know whether to believe you or shoot you."

he smiled, the tension in the room easing slightly. "how about neither? maybe we can just... talk."

she considered this for a moment, then nodded slowly. "alright. talk."

wooyoung took a deep breath, grateful for the chance to steer the conversation away from his own demise. "you uh— mentioned your father earlier. he must have meant a lot to you."

the queen’s expression grew pained, but she didn’t shy away from the topic. "he was everything to me. my father was the only person who truly understood me, who saw me for who I really am. when he died... it felt like I lost a part of myself."

wooyoung listened intently, his usual cocky demeanor subdued as he absorbed her words. "sorry. I know what it’s like to lose someone important."

she looked at him, a flicker of curiosity in her eyes. "who did you lose?"

he hesitated, then decided to be honest. "my brothers. they were the only family I had left. after they died, I... well, I lost my way. that’s how I ended up as a thief."

the queen studied him, her gaze softening as she saw the pain in his eyes. "i’m sorry for your loss, wooyoung."

"thank you," he replied, surprised by her genuine empathy. "it’s been a long time, but... it still hurts."

she nodded, understanding all too well. "grief is like that. It never truly goes away."

they fell into a comfortable silence, the tension between them dissolving as they shared their stories of loss. for the first time, wooyoung saw the queen not as a target, but as a person—someone who had been through just as much pain as he had, if not more.

"why do you put up with it?" he asked suddenly, breaking the silence. "the facade, I mean. why pretend to be someone you’re not?"

the queen sighed, leaning her head back against the chair. "because it’s what’s expected of me. the people want a queen who’s sweet, innocent, and kind. they don’t want someone who’s hardened by life, who’s been forced to make difficult decisions. if they knew the truth... they’d lose faith in the crown."

"but isn’t that exhausting?" wooyoung pressed, genuinely curious. "pretending to be someone you’re not, day in and day out?"

"of course it is," she admitted, her voice tinged with frustration. "but what choice do I have? the crown is more than just a piece of metal. It’s a symbol of my father’s legacy, of everything he stood for. I can’t let that be tarnished by my own failings."

"but you’re not failing," wooyoung insisted, stepping closer to her. "you’re just human. no one can be perfect all the time."

she looked up at him, her eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and resignation. "maybe not. but I have to try. for my father’s sake."

wooyoung reached out, hesitating for a moment before gently taking her hand. "your father wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of a crown. he’d want you to be true to yourself."

the queen stared at their joined hands, her expression conflicted. "I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’ve been pretending for so long that I’ve lost sight of the person I used to be."

"then maybe it’s time to find her again," wooyoung suggested softly. "and you don’t have to do it alone."

she looked up at him, her facial expression unclear. "why are you doing this? why are you being so kind to me?"

"because I see you," he said simply, his voice filled with sincerity. "the real you. and I think... I think you deserve to be happy."

the queen blinked, rather confused on what emotions she was feeling. for so long, she had been alone, carrying the weight of the crown and the expectations of the kingdom on her shoulders. but here, in the quiet of her chambers, with a thief who should have been her enemy, she found a flicker of hope.

a single tear slipped down her cheek, and wooyoung gently wiped it away with his thumb. "you don’t have to cry," he murmured, his voice soothing. "i’m here."

she closed her eyes, her heart aching with a mix of relief and longing. "I don’t know what to do," she confessed. "i’m so tired, wooyoung. tired of pretending, tired of being strong all the time."

"then stop," he urged her, his tone gentle but firm. "stop pretending, stop being strong. just be yourself, even if it’s just for tonight."

she opened her eyes, looking up at him with a vulnerability that she hadn’t shown anyone in years. "and what if I don’t like who I am underneath it all?"

"then we’ll figure it out together," wooyoung promised, his heart clenching at the sight of her pain. "you don’t have to face it alone anymore."

then queen let out a shaky breath, her defenses crumbling as she allowed herself to be vulnerable with him. "I don’t even know where to start."

"start with the truth," he said softly. "tell me who you really are, not the queen, but the woman underneath."

she hesitated for a moment, then nodded slowly, her voice barely above a whisper. "my name is YN."

wooyoung smiled, squeezing her hand gently. "it’s nice to meet you, YN."

she managed a small smile in return, feeling a sense of warmth that she hadn’t felt in years. "it’s nice to meet you too, wooyoung."

#ateez x y/n #ateez x you #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #wooyoung x y/n #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung x you

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zqombi · 6 months ago

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ORAL FIXATION ☆ FT MIGUEL O'HARA.

★. masterlist ᡣ𐭩

☆. headcannons for miguel ! coming soon…

★. currently listening to… ON DAT BXTCH - LUMI ATHENA

☆. this fic contains… intentional lowercase. everyone is 18+ ! miguel o’hara x reader. fem bodied reader. blackcoded but anyone can read it. chubby!reader. spiderwoman!reader. reader wears a pink spider suit. miguel calls you spiderbarbie as a insult because of your suit. miguel o’hara. miguel has a nose piercing. also has salt/pepper brown hair because he be stressin’. miguel speaks spanish. masterbation (fem.) kissing. pet names. hair pulling. throat fucking. heavy dirty talk. not proofread so mistakes are def present .

★. summary… you’ve always had a persistent oral fixation. since you were small you always had your mouth on something, but miguel wants to help fix that nasty habit once and for all. (I’m terrible at descriptions.)

☆. word count aprox… 2k.

★. notes… hi! I’m kinda back into the writing scene? I originally posted this on a03 but decided to also move it here for some reason, just with a couple of tweaks. Hopefully during the summer I can write more and produce some more fics/head cannons or whatever. Main goal rn is to clean out my drafts to declutter. Until then, see ya later ! <3

one of the many, many strange things about miguel o’hara was his attention to detail. his keen observation and good memory grants him the ability to notice even the smallest, minute changes. doesn’t matter if something is slightly moved from its original spot or if old paint starts to lose its tint, it never escapes his vigilant, hawk-like eyes, not even you. to him, your sucker seemed like an inseparable part of you, which he was absolutely right about. ever since you were little you’ve always had a knack for putting things in your mouth—chewing pen caps, biting water bottle tops. your bad habit offered a bit of comfort, especially during anxiety inducing moments. gum became a temporary solution, always at hand to help your needs, but over time gum became boring so you moved on to the next big thing: candy. a sweet, textured solution of various sizes that seemed to be helpful. though, out of the millions and millions of options, only suckers stuck: a pink lemonade flavor. the taste left a soft tingle in your mouth which you couldn’t get enough of. you weren’t exactly new to the world of suckers but this one you really liked a lot. like a lot, a lot. the first time you let the ball of sugar rest on your tongue you bought almost $133 worth of suckers off amazon and almost finished them in the same week. between battling villains to regular day job hours, you always had one in your mouth. the feeling of something so heavy and so sweet resting on your tongue just felt so good.

your obsession soon extended to the spider society, stashing suckers in your spidey belt or around the base. there was even a time miguel found some taped under his control pad, which he was obviously not happy about. when you arrived at headquarters your mask was pulled over your nose to expose your mouth at work. signature lollipop hidden between your soft, glossed lips. the candy’s hue stained them a charming baby pink, a shade that complimented you cutely. as you traversed the corridors you greeted a couple of members you happened to pass by—some familiar faces. others new arrivals. flashing them with your gorgeous smile and a wave you continued your way towards the meeting room, you knew gwen, peter b, jessica, patrick, and of course miguel were all gonna be discussing something important. the moment you enter you catch miguel’s gaze immediately. a viscous glare that shows his impatience clearly. "well look who finally decided to show! oh don’t mind us, spiderbarbie," he says, voice oozing with mockery, "we were just y’know, waiting here for you so you can grace us with your presence!" a mean smile sits crookedly on his handsome face. afterwards he formally greets you with a venom laced "you’re late." before rubbing his temples with the pads of his fingers. still standing in the doorway you mock his expression. “i’m not late, you’re just early.” your remark causes some of your coworkers to snicker.

of course, miguel doesn’t like your snarky tone. with a scoff of irritation he rolls his scarlet eyes with a disapproving smack escaping, a sound that’s unique to him. “if you’re just gonna show up late, why do you even—you know what? whatever. it doesn’t matter just get in your seat.” he just bears his vampire-like teeth in hope of being more authoritative but it never works, especially not with you. you move away from the closing doors to your assigned spot at the meeting table. miguel says nothing, his towering presence does all the talking for him. tough, broad shoulders squared in a stance that radiated his disappointment, strong arms crossed firmly over his chest, fingers gripping the fabric of his suit as if channeling his discontent into a physical grip. as the others dived into details of the mission, you found yourself becoming more and more bored with the conversation. It wasn’t long before your focus turned to something else, something more fun. subconsciously, your hand reached for your sucker, the vibrant swirl of sweetness was your favorite diversion. the plump rim of your mouth wrapped sensuously around the candy again.

as minutes stretched into an eternity of plans and contingencies, miguel's authoritative voice droned on. anomalies here, some dimension rifts there with the occasional bickering with lyla about the shared info. you, however, were busy letting your mind wonder, sucking and savoring that not so subtle, lemonade escape. miguel catches the shift in your attention. slowly but surely frustration began to etch its way across his features once again. it was that stupid, rose colored candy twirling in your mouth. while lyla was keeping the others engaged miguel crumpled a old sticky note behind his back and with a swift, precise motion, he balled up a piece of paper in his hand tightly. the tension between you two momentarily thickened as he aimed and then, without a second thought, he flicked his wrist, sending the paper flying across the room. the paper sailed through the air, landing with a soft thud on the side of your thigh. your eyes followed the trajectory back to its source, meeting miguel's intense gaze, his eyes speaking volumes as they bore into yours, he quietly formed the words “pay attention.” but instead of complying, you stuck your middle finger up at him before casually shifting your attention to the projections, a sly smile spreads on your lips. soon the sucker became more like a prop. a deliberate instrument of play. you trace the outline of your lips in a teasing manner, your slow, deliberate movements contrasting with the urgency of the discussions.

throughout the whole meeting miguel tried his best to focus on the conversation but of course he found himself entranced by the dance of candy and saliva. his eyes couldn't help but follow the slick trail the drool left in its wake, tracing its glistening path over your luscious lips. It was an act that blurred the line between innocent indulgence and tantalizing seduction. you shoot a side glance at him, loving the way his nose scrunched up at you and that gorgeous vein on his forehead getting more and more taut. miguel clenches his jaw, trying to maintain his composure in the face of your teasing. as you finally withdrew the sucker from your mouth, his hand instinctively rose to rub his forehead, a feeble attempt to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks. the telltale signs of his embarrassment were evident in the deepening hue of his ears, glowing a dark shade of red. as the meeting pressed on, miguel's patience wore thin. clearing his throat, he shifted his gaze away momentarily to the rest of the group. lyla gives one more rundown on the situation at hand before miguel creates pairs to help with the investigation. peter and gwen had been paired off to place more anomaly trackers. jessica was tasked with helping close up rifts between universes. however, when she suggested a partnership with you, miguel's voice cut through like a whip-crack. "i got her." he asserted, his tone firm, leaving no room for negotiation. "patrick can go with you. barbie—" his gaze shifted to you, “you’re with me.” with the decision settled, a swirling portal manifested, miguel took the lead, beckoning you to follow. you were in a futuristic city, similar to miguel’s but this one felt more ghostly. it was quiet, tranquil. rain lashed down in sheets, the droplets hitting the ground with a force that sent up sprays of water. soft lightning forked across the dark, brooding sky, illuminating the scene in stark, brief flashes. the only thing that protected you from the onslaught of water was a rust torn metal sheet hanging about you attached to a brick wall, a dry halo surrounds you that ends at the tip of the roof. the moment the portal closed behind you the proximity changed the tone between you two. miguel turned to you, his eyes no longer weighed down by sternness, but instead ablaze with a different intensity. eyes fixed on the sucker, now sticking to the side of your mouth, he speaks up.

"I see you have a bad habit," he taunts. "and I need to fix it."

miguel tucks some of his silver colored strands behind his ear and wrinkles his pierced nose. “you’re so fucking annoying,” he growls, “you and that stupid sucker.” that's when miguel takes his time, eyeing you as he torturously drags his clawed hand against his stomach, the holographic layer slowly rippling apart. the disturbed film revealed parts of his muscular thighs and already semi hard cock, bulging and twitching. he was huge, veins strewn about like vines, if dick analysis was a club somewhere you would be the ceo of it. using a wave of his hand, miguel was able to remove his hologram suit completely, “i don't like you. you never listened to me, did whatever you wanted…” your legs clenched tighter together where you sat, “but I liked it. still do.” you softly moan to yourself when his hard cock hits his stomach. you needed to lick him up real soon, it’s almost inhuman the way he looks down at you. “keep looking at me like that, amor,” he huffs, “keep those pretty eyes on me.” he guides your face a bit closer to him. you place your hands on the cold, concrete floor for a bit of stability, still sitting on balls of your feet . miguel grabs the base of his cock and rubs the tip on your lips. spreading a mixture of precum and drool across them. “ngh—just fucking—” miguel stretches his arms out as a force of habit, holding each side of your head so he can work his pretty cock in nice and easy. “don’t move your head, please, just stay here,” you can see his earlier irritation start to crumble, turning him into a desperate mess. you keep eye contact with him, placing a couple of kisses on the head before wrapping your lips around the tip with a smile. he was fixing to say something (probably something that helped him fake some control) until you take him further down your mouth.

his thighs twitch as he lightly moves his hips, trying so hard to meet your lips, and when you let him a gasp flees from his agape mouth as you gag and suck. releasing him with a wet pop and maintaining eye contact you ask, “so you like me?” you watch him look around for a couple of seconds before he closes his eyes with a sigh and whispers a soft “yes, yes I like you.” you could barely hear him over the rain but his confession made butterflies dance around in your tummy. with a devilish smirk you slick your puffy lips along the sides of his cock, darting your tongue out and moaning deeply. you remove both hands off the ground to wrap one around the base and the other on his balls. you place on your lips to start sucking on the tip as you work both hands simultaneously. saliva building, bubbles forming the quicker you bob your head and stroke his dick. you heard him huff out soft whispers of ‘si si si, buena chica’ before you switch gears. you release his cock with a loud pop before going lower. the hand that was once massaging his balls was used to support you. you nudge his balls with your tongue before sucking one of them into your mouth, keeping your rhythm stroking mostly the tip, a low growl escapes his pretty lips. “no pares por favor no pares! dios mío, te amo.” from the way he’s howling you know that's his most sensitive area, his breathing is frantic, a waterfall of drool drips down his jaw and some droplets land on you nose.

you spread your fingers languidly, sticky with his precum and your spit, you can feel the blood pulsing in his cock, rotating your hand and sucking the heavy sack as the whimpers that vibrate in your throat travel to him. “dios mío, lo estás haciendo muy bien, amor,” he babbles, “sigue así, sí, sí, sí just like that.” miguel’s eyes are scrolling back. if the universe didn’t know any better you could say that he was possessed. the sound he makes is so needy that it makes your clit throb even harder, you slip a finger inside your spider suit, going lower and lower until you reach the elastic of your laced panties, slipping inside. Using some of your arousal you rub tiny, tight circles on your clit to help the ache go down and your legs begin to shake. you have to clutch onto miguel’s thigh so you don’t lose your sense of reality.

when it becomes too much and your clit gets super sensitive, you know you’re close, ending the fun too soon, and so you stop. You let him go, you take a step back to lock at your work. miguel was a mess, hair wildly laying on his head, face decorated with drool and sweat, his eyes are all on you. you could have sworn you saw some hearts beating in his irises. “what- why’d you stop?” you give him your most innocent look. “wanna play with you some more,” you whisper. you go to wipe your jaw with your forearm but he stops you, a firm grip on your wrist. “don't fuckin’ tease me, mocosa or i swear-” but before he could finish you giggle, purposely pissing him off further. the vein on his forehead goes taut again. “f-fuck!” he curses angrily, groaning with pain and pleasure stirring inside. his dick jumping for attention. you pout, voice oozing with mockery, “you want it?” reclaiming your position previously with your hand wrapped around his cock again, tightly gripping the base, miguel’s jaw clenches, sharp nails balling into fists as he tears into the wall behind him. “please, fuck just please- please let me have it. I need it. I need you, fuck, just-” he rambles, pratically growling. without another word you decide to ease the teasing and suck him off as you rub your clit again. you moan out with each rotation, alternating from circular motions to flicking motions. you’re trembling again. your breathing is sporadic, heart is pounding in your chest, you’re close. “f-fuck, { ur name }. g’na cum. voy a correrme en tu maldita garganta, fuck!” he grips the wall even tighter, the bricks slowly turning to powder from the sheer force. he could feel the hitching in your breath, “ joder si, cum with me, cum with me yeah? please cum with me.” and you do. your orgasm almost knocks the wind out of you, and the cherry on top was when miguel released a deep, guttural moan as he came down your throat. after you fully come, you remove your slick webbed fingers from the front of your panties, wiping them on your thigh, before you slide down to your knees. miguel, tired and slumped against the wall, reached out, his hands gentle as he cupped your cheeks. his touch was gentle, caring. "lo hiciste muy bien, amor" he murmured, voice soft, his words a caress against your ears. "you did so, so well for me, moscota." miguel, who’s usually stern and serious, found himself softening in your presence, a strange yet relaxing thing to witness. a small, appreciative smile tugged at the corners of your lips. his exhaustion momentarily forgotten, he leaned down, his lips first brushing against your nose in a sweet, lingering kiss before finding their way to your pretty mouth. It was a soft, tender moment."¿Quieres agarrar algunas empanadas?" he asked, his voice warm and inviting, suggesting a moment of shared comfort in a simple meal. When your head cocked adorably to the side he rephrased his sentence, “wanna get food? know this good spot back home.” before you could respond, jess interrupted, her heavy sigh drawing both of your attention "you forgot to turn off the voice receiver," she said, her tone a mix of annoyance and amusement.

how in the hell were you gonna explain what just happened?

─────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────────

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m1d-45 · 2 years ago

Text

my take on sagau lore / logistics

summary: sagau lore! includes you the creator, self-awareness, khaenri’ah, celestia, literally everything i could think of

word count: ~4.1k

-> warnings: spoilers for literally everything bar the sumeru archon quests. khaenri’ah lore, kaeya + albedo lore, celestia lore, archon quests, all of it. i ramble and stray off topic and swear while doing so.

-> lowercase intended. forgive the format pls

taglist: @samarill || @thenyxsky || @valeriele3 || @shizunxie

< masterlist >

ok, so, just off the top of it, let’s address the largest problem with this au, specifically my genre of it:

how can teyvat be real if it’s a game?

great question! the answer is that it’s both.

i haven’t thought this through entirely, only enough that i personally can suspend my disbelief about the fics i read, but the way i see it is that you, the creator, made teyvat a billion (or more idk) years ago. you made the people—or the animals, if you still wanna subscribe to evolution—the lands, the waters and the mountains. everything was carefully pulled and molded by your hands, your influence stretching to how the wind blew.

(that’s because the god who controls it wants your attention so badly but whoooo that’s cultish territory)

anyway. fast-track past the archon war, yeah? after that was sorted, you began to hand out visions, personally at first before assigning celestia to do so. there were simply too many people, and you could not judge them all. it would not be fair.

so you didn’t.

but i’d be lying if the archon war didn’t take a toll on you. you’d been influencing it from the sidelines, carefully making sure as few innocents were harmed as possible, trying to keep the terrain intact. you were technically fighting, but on the side of teyvat itself.

(it loved you for it. every blade of grass and leaf on a stem sung your praises.)

micromanaging like that, across an entire planet, let alone trying to simultaneously set up the constellations you wanted for vision holders… you’re exhausted.

now, you could, in theory, just burrow down into the heart of the earth and rest, but that felt… impersonal, almost. you still wished to look after your world, you just wanted to have a little less responsibility while you did so.

so you left the planet, momentarily, leaving that entire universe behind, and made another. it was, admittedly, not your best work, worse than even the rest planets you tried before teyvat, but you were tired. you half-heartedly scattered some resources, salted the water, and placed the beginnings of life. with a final goodbye to celestia, you allowed your soul to rest in the core of this new planet you called ‘earth.’

now, you weren’t just going to sit there, no. as the people above lived, oblivious to the god resting in the molten core, your subconscious pulled some strings. not enough to influence wars—so many wars, so much cruelty and bloodshed—or any major occurrences, but enough to shift some small details around. these people would start a company. this game would be launched. and when you, your soul, had finally recovered from the ordeal of managing a whole planet, a child would be born.

you knew mortal minds had a hard time conceptualizing the divine, let alone dealing with the knowledge that they were one, so you made the executive decision to remove your memory. call it a product of your pity, but you decided you’d live a human life here before returning to teyvat. the world’s time difference shouldn’t make it that much longer for your lovely followers, only about a year or so, so it would be fine. you set up some dominoes, then allowed yourself to be mortal when they fell.

bad call. turns out you shouldn’t try and fudge space-time when you’re overworked and burnt out. the time dilation ended up being reversed, meaning an average life of 80 years was 4,800 years for your followers.

still, not all was lost! you, human, came into contact with a device, came into contact with advertisements from a company you, god, had a heavy hand in. the world you had loved carefully recreated, admittedly with far less detail and nuance, but what could you expect of the technology at the time?

as you downloaded the game, a final domino fell into place. the traces of divinity in your blood bled into your machine, turning the screen from a screen, and into a portal.

billions of billions of light years away, exiting this universe and entering another, two twins approached your world. they had witnessed you build it all but frowned at your lack of presence. their world, one of many that you had also crafted, still was visited by you from time to time, but this... where had you gone? were your people okay?

they approached, only to be stopped by one of celestia’s guards. boiling red cubes stung the air, lashing at their sides as she—the sustainer, she said—fought. the two drew back, sharing a look, and when they dove-

your light filled the air, time seeming to slow to a crawl. your chosen traveller sucked in a breath, feeling the familiar aura envelop them. even as their twin was swallowed, as their stomach opened into a pit and their heart crumbled, as gravity took hold of their suddenly much weaker form, you were there.

and so your journey in teyvat began once more, this time not as the creator, but as the creation.

that’s the basic lore down. yes, i know ‘basic’ took nearly 1k words on its own, but oh well. anyway, now onto some other details outside of that, such as….

the raiden shogun!

the visions were signs of your favor—not that the comman man knew that, but the gods did—so why would she ever confiscate them? simple; after you had started giving out visions, you had first passed the duty to celestia, and then… left. it’s reasonable, in her mind, that the visions were sapping at your energy, keeping you away even longer. she hoped, in a twisted sort of desire, that she could hasten your return. celestia had tried to stop her, stopping giving out electro visions, but it wasn’t enough. other visions were still in her lands, and she needed to remove them. if only on her isle of eternity, anything harming you would not be allowed.

the tsaritsa!

ok, i admit, i’m not sure how much of what i’m about to say is canon. i watch too much game theory to be 100% sure that this is Actual Lore, but… whatever. so the tsaritsa is collecting all these gnoses, right? the gods’ connection to celestia? just… kinda taking them, collecting these connections, weakening celestia so she can take it down. her reasoning is very similar to ei’s, in that you created celestia and imbued it with some of your power. however, you must have accidentally given too much, wanting them to thrive, and had weakened yourself. so, she figures, by taking down celestia, she can restore you your strength!

but wait, you ask, why not do a vision hunt decree like the shogun? simple! you gave out visions before you involved celestia, so they clearly aren’t the problem. besides, she thinks there’s a lovely poetic quality to taking down celestia with soldiers bearing weapons they awarded.

delusions!

it’s people sabotaging their health to pretend their strength is god-given, not much changes in this au. there’s implications between it and the tsaritsa’s motives for gnosis-hunting—notably if she’s taking down celestia because your strength was drained, why drain the strength of her people—but that’s ~not my problem~

morax?

morax!!! silly boy. anyway, he doesn’t see any problem with stepped down as an archon, if that’s your worry. after all, you yourself left, letting the people run themself, so…. surely he could—should, even—do the same. he feels maybe a bit bad about leaving liyue without anything, but soothes himself knowing they don’t know you’re gone. most mortals don’t, really. but in a similar vein…

venti!

venti feels the same way. if anything, his conviction is even stronger. you left your people—not entirely, admittedly, but still, you did—so he should be able to as well. he knew you had left celestia in your wake, but he had left the knights! and surely, to be overly-controlling was worse, right? you had allowed decarabian to fall, so you must not want dictators(a good thing, as he doesn’t know how he’d handle you going against one of his most core virtues).

celestia!

for the sake of the au, celestia will be kinda proxy rulers of teyvat. i know there’s probably some lore out there suggesting otherwise, likely something in the 3.2-3.3 archon quests, but i haven’t done those and so it can’t be held against me. anyway, you’re tired after the war right? so you decide, as plan A, to create celestia as a council of proxy rulers, to enact your ideals—the heavenly principles—and take care of things. this goes south, because the act of creating celestia drains even more of your strength, and you really hadn’t taken a break since you started creating teyvat so maybe it’s time to pick up plan B off the back burner…

(in celestia’s opinion, burrowing into the earth should have been plan B. taking a nap in a gilded palace should have been plan C. leaving the planet entirely was the nuclear option.)

paimon!

OOOOHHHHH BOYYYYY the emotions i have about this little fairy aidjwrkfkkds

anyway. the way i see it, she’s a manifestation of the remaining divine energy in your body/teyvat. pick your favorite, the end result is the same: she’s attached to your traveller, to you, your device. she can vaguely sense the buttons you have—which is why the tutorial changes across platforms—and loves whenever you open the paimon menu, because she can bask in your light all the more. off camera, her and the traveller gush about you. canon, i said so.

anyway, she’s the one that gives us the ability to time travel so the way i see it, she has to be at least a little divine, or be able to wield power of that strength.

take a shot every time i say strength this fic

i have some feelings about the time mechanic, most notably that it’s likely an alteration of the (very scuffed) time dilation system you implemented, but i’m writing this during school hours and can’t really be bothered with trying to rationalize that. for now, just know that Its a Thing That Exists.

co-op!

if we’re operating under the ideal that your game is the only one self-aware, then how does co-op work?

um… it doesn’t—

ok ok ok uh there’s two interpretations you can go with, of which i don’t have a favorite:

Option 1: when you go to co-op, your (self-aware) characters are transported into the digital world of your companion. they’re confused, because everything seems flat and empty of detail and there’s these weird bars above enemies and HOLY SHIT IS THAT ME???

they eventually gather that this is a false recreation of teyvat, one run by another person. whether or not they can see the chat is up to you. umm regarding farming and stuff: that means tackling the inventory, which… i’ll talk about that later, i swear-

Option 2: when you enter co-op, you leave teyvat. your vessels go back to their places—again, i’ll touch on that later, promise—and your aura leaves. paimon’s the only constant, but that’s mostly because she follows you or the traveller at all times (if you don’t have your traveller on your team… wait a few paragraphs pls). she is fascinated by the digital world, more so of the replicas of your vessels within it. maybe she tells the traveller of it when they have time.

they’re kinda similar, boiling down to whether or not you want your vessels to have a cosmic-horror level freak out at the fact that that’s them. i don’t have a favorite, and usually kinda fluctuate between the two whenever it’s convenient.

the inventory!

the inventory!!! arguably the most convenient system in teyvat, of which my answer is wildly inconvenient.

the basic principle of it is that it’s a pocket dimension, much like the one paimon vanishes into. it’s a very cool pocket dimension, with a menu and filtration systems, but that’s all it is. it preserves the quality of food, it keeps things from burning each other(i. e. mist flower corollas and flaming flower stamens are right next to each other, yet the quality of both never dwindles), and generally keeps things frozen in a sort of stasis. i like to think that vessels with a good sense of detail can pick up on an odd taste/texture to the food if it’s been in there a while, with the effect lessening as the food quality(suspicious → delicious scale) and level (stars) increases, but it really doesnt impact anything all that much.

regarding co-op: this is where things get blurry. if the inventory is a pocket dimension, and co-op is fake…. the best option is to, once more, chalk it up to divinity. whether yours, as you pick them from the digital world, of the remains of your aura in teyvat, when you return.

(another option that doesn’t work as well is thinking of the inventory as a tally, as in there’s a number of items you have and when you access it the number goes down and it summons / creates the item. the number is a representation of the power stored for that specific item- kinda like the omni-ubiquity nets, i guess? anyway, this is kinda pushing things, and though i don’t prefer it, it definitely can be useful to think about in some situations, such as an imposter au where you(reader) can draw energy from the inventory via sacrificing food or supplies. that’s really cool actually wtf-)

KHAENRI’AH HOW COULD I FORGET KHAEN-

so. khaenri’ah.

….i don’t know a lot about the lore of khaenri’ah.

[one wiki check and a lot of deleted ranting later]

khaenri’ah was a godless nation. it didn’t have a god ruling over it, it didn’t have a god influencing or building it, it didn’t have a - oh my god khaenri’ah is the nation of hubristic greed.

sorry i had a revelation mid-sentence there: to clarify, khaenri’ah was built entirely by people. they may (read: did) worship a god, you, but refused to allow you to meddle with their nation. that was their creation. you could have all of teyvat—and they would give you some of their crops to try and satisfy you—but you could not have their nation. they lived underground, away from your holy light and the overbearing gaze of celestia, and in the dark of a cave with only the earth as their witness, they began to learn khemia. they began to learn how to create, how to mimic your power. theirs was more transmutation, less pure creation, but it was so close to it that rhinedottir let it get to her head. she started her program, created durin and [REDACTED]- sorry, subject two (have i mentioned how much i hate he doesn’t have a name? fucked up fr fr). eventually, finally, after many tests and trials and rifthounds, with abyssal magic beginning to stain her hands, she created synthetic life.

the port on its neck sealed into a shimmering star, crystal blue eyes fluttering open, chalk ribs expanding as it took a breath. gold watched with rapt attention, pen falling from her hand.

she’d done it.

high on joy, she kept going, neglecting her new creation, herself, neglecting even basic safety, and eventually, she had toppled the pride of man.

khaenri’ah fell.

this allows for khaenri’ans such as dainslef, albedo, and kaeya to all know of and worship you—important, since kaeya is a character we’re automatically given—while still being bitter and jaded over khaenri’ah. this keeps as much of the lore in-game as intact as possible, with the only big difference being that khaenri’ah dedicated itself to you, but it would not be influenced by you. it was toppled by its own hubris, its desire to be divine without ever worshipping the god that made them too much for mortal men to handle. they don’t hate you, and in fact the fall of their nation has made it clear that they should have respected you more. they don’t blame you for it, as it was their own desire that brought them down, but they are a little more aware of the power of a god.

FAQ!!

i don’t have the traveller on my team, how does that work lore-wise?

excellent question! i…. don’t really know—

the way i see it, this is mostly a problem attached to the concept of ‘parties’ in the first place(again, please put a pin in the idea, we’re almost there). paimon is always with us, but the traveller… since they don’t have ‘a place to be’ as with your other vessels, as you were with them from the start… you could say that they’re always with you. silently watching from the realm of stars just outside of reality, watching you level your characters and give them strength. they wish you could pay more attention to them, but they know that teyvat is your prize creation, the people within it your most beloved. while you had encouraged them and their sibling to traverse your other worlds, it made sense that you’d want to empower these people first. your choices were.. odd, but you seemed happy, mostly, so they were too. ultimately, they are just another of your creations, and they want you to be happy just as the others do.

what happens when the game closes?

this connects to both the party system and the ‘realm of stars’ i mentioned in the traveller’s section. now, the personal belief i subscribe to is that it’s… another pocket dimension sorry—

akcnkwdjdkd ok so you know in the character menu how the background is all hazy and star-like and tinted the color of their element? i think the hydro’s have bubbles floating around but i have just spent too much time in enkanomiya-

anyway, that’s a ✨separate dimension✨. i imagine its like a line, where your characters are arranged like the bar on the side (top if you’re a pc gamer). characters can look over if they wish, though that’s dependent on some other factors (i know this is already long but i’ll elaborate on this later). the poses for weapons, artifacts, etc. are all forced on them, like strings on a puppet—war flashbacks for my scaramouche. they’re tugged into place, and stay like that. your mains are used to you fussing about with their artifacts, and have learned to simply rest into the feeling. why shouldn’t they, after all?

ANYWAY this is getting long. so when you’re in the field, your characters fall away save your party members, who move to the odd starry landscape of the party menu. there’s a large screen, which allows them to see like it’s your screen, almost. there’s a health bar, they can see the energy, and though that’s about it the important bit is that they can still see the character on field and the battle around them. this way they know what to expect, and where to aim, where to brace for an impact because sorry, they have the most hp and you need to tank this hit. when the game closes, you swap team members, etc. they are transported back to where they were prior to being on your team. now, for those you don’t utilize as often, they aren’t fully pulled into the character menu, as this would cause complications, but they are vaguely aware of when you open it. this way they can prepare in the rare case you switch to them for whatever reason.

additionally, when you shut down genshin, the traveller takes your characters’ place. they hold your place, often using the time to catch up with paimon and eat, both talking about their separate perspectives on your battle. paimon from the outside, watching the vessels switch in a shower of gold sparks, and the traveller from the inside, watching them lean on each other when their health was low and swap encouraging phrases during a tough fight. the traveller can’t really move all that much, but they don’t have to stay very still—what’s the chance you’ll notice they’re facing the wrong direction anyway?—which is good since they may have to defend themself against any enemies wandering in. if they’re off your team and unbuilt, it’s a little difficult, but between their status as an outlander and paimon’s influence, it’s not that big of a hassle.

(sorry this one’s real long but this is the concept i spent the most time developing. i have a very very long albedo fic where this mechanic is center stage so i have a lot of junk stored in my mind abt it)

what about friendship levels?

friendship levels!!! in-game they’re a metric of how long/much a character is with you, and it’s the same in sagau. the higher a character’s friendship, the more of your aura they emit by proxy, since they’re… in the absolute kindest way possible, you know how shoes have to be broken in -? yeah—

the harsh tugs of your device commanding them to move softens into a gentle guide, but they’re so in-tune with your playstyle that they go ahead of the strings, attacking slightly quicker. a high-friendship team has synergy like no other, the characters swapping just before you actually press the button to do so, their elemental reactions booming brighter, skills and bursts doing that much more damage just because they know what their doing by heart. they’re certain they could replicate it even without you, though they’d never dare, and your main sometimes finds themself repeating your usual rotation in their head to help them. swap, skill, swap, skill, burst, they mutter, their fingers tapping along where the buttons would be as they try to puzzle something out. swap, skill, swap, passive, swap, the familiar routine providing comfort.

how does the concept of being “self-aware” work?

lovely question.

…

it doesn’t.

jsksskdjd i feel like a software developer— ANYWAY-

google defines self-aware as “having conscious knowledge of one's own character and feelings��, which isn’t (inherently) the case. in relation to video games, it’s usually something along the lines of “this game is aware it’s a game” which doesn’t work since, as we’ve established, teyvat isn’t a game.

in this case, being self-aware means recognizing that you are operating through a device. it means knowing that you are not controlling them directly, that you instead use a proxy. it means, for characters like albedo, recognizing the sticky binds of code that limit his movements, it means registering that you are still far, far away, and that you only feel this close because of your device. it means, for some such as, say, diluc, there wasn’t a reason why kaeya was a vessel before him. it means knowing that their god is still lost, and knowing that they have to ensure you come back safely.

and that’s about it! discarding some icky topics such as the semantics of an isekai (which boils down to tapping into the divinity stored in your device so it doesn’t really matter much either way) and the abyss (which i don’t know enough about lore-wise, sorry) that’s everything i keep in mind when i write my genshin impact self-aware works!

if you have any further questions, feel free to either reply or send in an ask, or check out my masterlist if you want to see these concepts in practice.

have a good one!

#*shakes you awake* girl wake up midas is ranting about shit nobody cares about again!! i know i know wake up already!!!!#not fishing for compliments i just genuinely don’t think anybody was wondering about my take on sagau logistics. who would??#genshin sagau #sagau #genshin #genshin impact #self aware genshin #genshin self aware au #sagau zhongli #sagau venti #sagau tsaritsa #sagau kaeya #sagau diluc #sagau albedo #albedo #kaeya #zhongli #venti #rhinedottir #subject two #worldbuilding #paimon #sagau paimon #celestia #dainslef #sagau dainslef #this whole thing is me going ‘i haven’t really thought this through but’ and then ranting for 300 words on the topic—#anyway i genuinely do hope this clears up sagau for some people. keeping this in my head makes it easier to read others’ works because i-#-have all the questions already answered in my head. really helps with suspension of disbelief /gen #please leave your takes in the replies/weblogs if you see this my curiosity is never dated

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mxdarling · 3 months ago

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[FABLE OF THE STARS (2)]

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

ೃ⁀➷: summary: after reading the first few pages of the fable of stars, you can't help but let yourself be intrigued by even more people who live beyond the stars. let us open your eyes to their story.

ೃ⁀➷: word count: 1.2k

ೃ⁀➷: ref/inspo: fable of the stars #1 | fable of the stars #2

[author’s note:] FINALLY PART 2!! no one really asked for a part 2 but i felt the need to write one plus my motivation is high on hsr anyways, so here i am rushing to finish this before school starts so let's hope this one is written a bit better than the first one CUZZ i didn't proofread shit last time BHDHBD

[part one]

[note:] If there is anything else triggering here that I didn’t list in the warnings section, please tell me.

[warnings:] bad metaphoric writing, bad attempt of character analysis (take this with a grain of salt please), lowercase, not spoiler free, can be considered 'x reader' if you're delulu enough, noah is trying to explain hsr character lore (and failing miserably, once again).

MARCH 7TH, THE WARRIOR

a cute girl who always has her camera with her and enjoys taking pictures of everything around her. according to her, it's good to have a pastime for someone her age, and she's less likely to forget these memories. every photo she takes inside her camera is safely kept close to her heart and in the comfort of her own room, where she can hang it up and smile to herself, hoping to take even more photos while she's around. perhaps deep down there's this inkling fear that one day all those memories she's made with everyone will be forgotten, that these people who've been with her through thick and thin will suddenly become strangers to her.

although she often has a smile on her face, she struggles to find her place in the astral express. in her mind, everyone has a role within the astral express: pom-pom is the conductor, himeko is the navigator, welt is the jack of all-trades, dan heng is the guard, and she is... the warrior. she doesn't necessarily feel nor act like one; warriors commonly don't wield a bow and arrow—rather, they hold their swords with a tight grip, slashing through every obstacle that comes their way, and when faced with a formidable foe, they push forward with bravery in their hearts and end up victorious. one day, she wishes to be just like those warriors, and maybe she'll find her place in the express.

contrary to belief, a cute girl such as herself is very much into mystery novels, especially ones that feature a detective. how they follow the trail of clues to piece together to hopefully solve whatever mystery they're trying to uncover—that's what makes the story so compelling for you. how you can read a clue and not understand its purpose only to realize what the clue meant many pages later, how there's a sense of satisfaction after reaching the end of the protagonist's journey to figure out the truth, how they learned so much about the world around them, their family, their friends, their enemies, their frenemies, but most importantly—themselves. to march, the feeling of needing to find what's inside a mystery is all too familiar, for she—herself—is the greatest mystery.

"a girl who once slumbered in eternal ice and knows nothing about her past. to find out the truth about her origins, she decided to travel with the astral express. as of right now, she has prepared about 67 different versions of her life story for herself."

JINGYUAN, GENERAL OF THE XIANZHOU LUOFU

the "dozing general," a title he's gained through his seemingly lazy demeanor, taking every opportunity to take a nap, spending an awful amount of time in leisure, gradually falling asleep during one of fu xuan's lengthy reasonings of why she should be nominated to generalship, and much more. yet he's much more attentive than he lets out to be, able to perceive the intentions of other people, keeping his cards close to his chest, knowing exactly how to play them at the right moment to catch the other person off guard, and checkmate you when you least expect it.

through his careful management of affairs and wise strategy of leading the cloud knights, the peaceful years seem to stretch into many centuries for the citizens of the luofu. while some have complained that the general feared combat so much so that he rarely resorts to battle it out, yet that couldn't be further from the truth. the reason is simple: he's protective—not corrective; he does not consider saving the xianzhou luofu from disaster at the last minute as a showcase of wisdom. he continues to oversee the xianzhou luofu, using his intellect to cut down on any thorny problems they encounter—like the tip of the sharpest blade.

even then, his renowned abilities as a general and his intellect are nothing against the cruel reality of time. in the past, the high-cloud quintet was regarded as legends during their time, accomplishing countless feats throughout their prime. however, in just less than a hundred years, the five of them soon fell apart. he watched and witnessed the destruction fall upon his very own friends—how, at the very end, he's the only one remaining. fate has been so cruel to other people around him yet somehow spares his out of everyone else, a haunting reminder of his powerlessness against the enemy that is time.

"the divine foresight, one of the seven arbiter-generals of the xianzhou alliance, leads the cloud knights of the xianzhou luofu. a student of the luofu's previous sword champion, though not known for his martial prowess."

JINGLIU, FORMER SWORD CHAMPION

in the present day, her name is one that is considered forbidden, and it has been like that a long time ago. her name has been erased from any sort of history recorded in the public's eye; only those in higher positions or who lived long enough to see the high-cloud quintet in their prime would remember it. remember how she was the one who established that high-cloud quintet, remember how she taught jing yuan the art of the sword and saw the fruits of his effort turn into his glory, remember how many praised her for wielding a sword so impressively, and that the title of sword champion is one she's earned rightfully so. they remembered, for the past can never be truly forgotten.

she recalls the first time she met her student, a young but devious child who had asked the same questions as she did back when she was younger and when her master was still alive. "master, why do you insist on using the sword? aren't there other weapons available you could've used?" he curiously asked during one of their trainings. "that's like asking why poets write poems; there are many ways to express oneself, but this is the only way i express myself," she replies with wisdom, the same kind her master has given her back then. her master is no longer around, though; there is no one to instruct her or provide any more lessons. however, she no longer needs one; the way of the sword has been imprinted into her system so long ago and so many times. she knows everything there is about a sword; they've become a part of her now.

she's has lifted and wielded many swords in this lifetime, and in many battles and wars she's stood side-to-side with allies and her disciple—no matter which way her sword swung, abominations could never escape the death or imprisonment destined for them. she just never thought she'd be pointing the end of her sword towards a lifelong friend in battle. it was during that time that she felt trapped in her own nightmares again, the destruction of her own home caused by that ominous planet, and she was unable to struggle against such a fate. yet as she leaped forward into the battlefield, suddenly familiar words were heard: "i will cut down even the stars in the sky."

"former sword champion of the luofu, and the creator of the cloud knights' legends of undefeated might. now, her name has been wiped from the records, and she is a traitor of the xianzhou walking on the fine line between sanity and mara-struck."

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

PLEASE DO NOT COPY, REPOST, SHARE, TRANSLATE OR REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO OTHER SITES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION + REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr march 7th #hsr march #honkai star rail march 7th #honkai star rail march #hsr jingyuan #honkai star rail jingyuan #hsr jingliu #honkai star rail jingliu

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gluion · 1 year ago

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somehow, i'll gather the stars just for you ➵ jacob bae

non-idol!jacob bae x reader

even in the nights where the stars refuse to show themselves, jacob will round them up just for you.

general genre/warnings ➵ fluff, light angst and hurt/comfort, gender neutral reader, lowercase intended, established relationship, sort of reader-centric because oof you do have problems (but we never dive into them)!, talks about constellations and stargazing, set on the beach (hence why it's part of the event), overall very soft and caring and understanding boyfriend!jacob ever, kissing, cuddling

word count ➵ 1.7k words

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @miusgirl @jenoscafe @sweet-unicorn-world @mosviqu @vernyangel

playlist ➵ tila tala by syd hartha // where the sea sleeps by day6 (even of day)

a/n ➵ wrote this on a whim again. i have a tendency to write drabbles like these when i feel kinda :// but i am glad to say i am finally making my submission for deoboyznet's summer for you event!! i hope you enjoy this cute jacob drabble for the time being :]]

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

the air smells of salt and burning wood. your eyes remain closed as the crackling coming from the bonfire fills your ears. the saltwater breeze hits your cheeks, stinging them like always.

you consider this beach a safe place from any storm—a getaway car from turmoil in every corner of your life. all away from the city that brings you nothing but stress and uncertainty, the beach will do nothing but bring you comfort.

and tonight should be like every other; the ocean would meet with the shore in intervals; the whispers of the wind are meant to be loud, mumbling melodies you never hear amid heavy traffic, and; there should be a sea of stars around the moon that glows, forming constellations you know the names of all around it.

but when there's no celestial body in sight, you realize that tonight's plans will not push through.

"this is the first time i've seen the sky filled with nothing but clouds," your boyfriend, jacob, voices out. your eyes open as you take a quick side glance at the boy beside you. "from the beach, at least"

you rip your eyes away from him only to be met with a sky that has not changed. tonight was meant for stargazing. but the one night you two finally settled on had to be one that was not made for you both.

the starry night should come—this type of occurrence has never happened in the years you spent going to this beach. so why, out of all times, did the stars refuse to show now?

jacob wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you close so that your body can rest on his. your back is supported by his torso as his chin rests on your shoulder. a small sigh leaves your lips as your eyes drift back down to the body of water behind the bonfire that glows in front of you.

"i'm sorry tonight didn't turn out as planned." jacob's whisper is almost inaudible. "i'm sure the next time will have as many constellations drawn up in the sky—ones you know the names of, of course." you know it's his attempt to lighten up the sour mood you had since leaving the city with him.

he's always been the understanding type—the one to let you feel whatever you wanted to feel, and share whatever you were comfortable enough to share. but he never fails to remind you that he's there; offer you an ear to listen to you; act as your shoulder to cry on, and; share with you words that you need to hear at any given moment.

you swallow the lump in your throat, "we spent so long trying to find one night that works for us only to be met with a starless sky." you then stare at the orange glow that emits from the burning wood. "i can't believe this is the first time this is happening, a night with no star in sight, on the day we wanted to finally stargaze together."

and it should be a small thing to be upset about—a moment to be bummed out about but easy enough to bounce back from. but the reason you're at this beach tonight is the same reason why you always find yourself leaving the city in the first place.

jacob continues to draw unrecognizable patterns on your arm. "what do you think that is?" his question has you looking at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "do you want me to draw it again?"

when you give him a nod, he repeats his actions, tracing out four imaginary lines on your skin you cannot make a figure out of. your eyebrows remain furrowed at him, only making him slip out a chuckle.

"i'll give you a hint; it's a constellation."

you feel yourself pout at his words. despite any ruined plans, he never fails to find a way to make any night turn in the right direction.

without any answer leaving your lips, jacob shows you a teasing look. "don't tell me you don't know your constellation when you dragged me out to the beach this late into the night." when you bump your shoulder against his chest, he lets out a giggle. "okay, i'll do it one more time. if you don't know it, i'm about to believe you don't know your astronomy after all."

he draws the pattern once more. the sensation resembles the letter "w" with wide spaces in between. and you spend your time rattling through your brain, only to figure out what he was trying to draw. "is it cassiopeia?"

he smiles at your answer and says, "wow, you know your stars!" he quickly gives you a peck on the lips, catching you by surprise at the sudden action. your flustered expression only has him smiling bigger. "think of that as a prize."

you roll your eyes. "i didn't know you knew your constellations. i was planning to show off astronomy knowledge in real-time versus having you pull out pictures and me telling you the names of each one."

"that's all i remember, really," he admits as he continues to draw patterns on your arms. at this point, you aren't sure if he's trying to draw out more constellations for you to guess or if he's simply tracing for fun. "if i remembered more, i would have let you guess all the ones i knew. it would be our way of stargazing without the stars themselves."

your heartstrings tug at his words. no matter what the world brings to shatter you, there will always be one boy who never fails to look out for you.

you let your hands reach out towards him. "give me your hand." jacob moves his hand away from the sand and lets it rest on yours. with his palm facing up, you bring your free hand to his hand. "this is," your index finger draws out a small box with a long tail. "the small dipper."

his head tilts to the side, eyebrows furrowed at what you had just drawn. "what? can you do it again? it feels like a badly drawn tadpole."

"tadpole?" you scoff, taken back by his comment. "that's the small dipper!"

you draw it out once more, only for him to hum. "sure, i guess." once you gasp at his words, he cannot help but giggle. a pout rests on your lips over his comment. "i'm just kidding! come on, show me more."

you glare at jacob for a moment. "don't make fun of my drawings then!"

"i won't," he says before he nuzzles his face into your shoulder, leaving a long kiss. "teach me about these constellations."

and so the night goes on. you show him ones as simple as scutum and ones as complex as orion. while jacob found himself just nodding at your words with no clear idea of how these constellations actually looked like, he still liked to hear you ramble about these star patterns typically found in the sky.

he notices how you slowly found yourself brightening up over sharing your knowledge of astronomy. from how reserved you were before getting into his car, he now sees the same person who cannot help but ramble over their love for the celestial bodies.

"and this is," you draw a pattern you remember by heart. "gemini." jacob smiles at how you decide to show him what his star sign's constellation is. "it's one of my favorite ones, actually."

"it is?"

you let out a hum as you look at his hand where your index finger rests. "if you look closely, it resembles two people." you draw out the pattern once more. as soon as your eyes meet his face, you notice how his expression shifts into realization.

"wow, it does," he smiles as he looks down at his hand that you continue to draw on. "it resembles us."

you roll your eyes over his words. "jacob, that's not what it means, but okay."

your boyfriend cannot help but move his hand off of yours, bringing you closer for a cuddle. "yeah, but still. let me make whatever i want with those stars you love." he leaves you another kiss on the cheek. "besides, i want to make everything about you and us." you cannot help but smile at his affection, your eyes resting on the wood that continues to burn.

despite tonight's events (and the reason why you needed to get out of the city), jacob found a way to make you feel better. without uttering a word, he knew exactly what to do to save tonight. and somehow, you are almost glad that the stars decided to not show up—tonight's events turned out to be cuter than actual stargazing.

"thank you," you whisper out. "for trying to make tonight better." when you move your head to face him, you notice that his eyes are already on you.

he shows you a soft smile—one that never fails to fill your heart with warmth. "i just want you to know i'm always here. i'll be anything you want me to be, just so long as we'll both be okay."

you cannot help but let your face move closer to his. as soon as your eyes close, you move forward until your forehead rests on his. you can feel his breath graze over your lips. and with a moment to breathe, you say, "i'm glad i have you. even in times when everything went wrong, i'm happy that you were always there."

"of course," his hand reaches out to rest on the side of your face. and when his thumb starts to draw imaginary lines on your cheek, you cannot help but smile. he traces out what you can only think of as the constellation of gemini. "just like what i drew on your cheek, i'll make sure we'll always be together. i'll be sure to engrave it there like how you did on my hand. that way, we know that it forever remains somewhere, even if the starry night may not show it."

and just like that, you let yourself close the distance between you two, lips locking with the boy who never fails to know what to do in every distraught moment.

tonight's events may not have gone as planned, and the beach may not have become the place you were hoping for it to be when you desperately needed it. but for you, jacob is more than what the beach and its starry night can provide. on starless nights, he would round up the stars just for you, somehow.

if you liked this, please do reblog and leave feedback!

#zzoguri works #deoboyznet #kflixnet #bjnet #k-labels #dbn: summer on you #the boyz #jacob bae #the boyz x reader #the boyz imagines #jacob bae x reader #jacob bae angst #jacob x reader #jacob bae imagines #the boyz angst

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deancasbigbang · 1 year ago

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Title: Salt and Rosemary

Author: tiamatv

Artist: galakitty

Rating: Mature

Pairings: Dean/Castiel

Length: 25000

Warnings: No Major Archive Warnings Apply

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergent; Curses; Dark Fairy Tale Elements; Enemies to Friends to Lovers; Dark Humor; Pre-Series; SPN Season 1

Posting Date: October 24, 2023

Summary: Sure, Dean’s cursed to die—cursed to have his breath stolen from him—on his twenty-fourth birthday. Uh-huh, thanks for that, Mom. Some real Rapunzel bullshit, there. But here’s the thing: Dean’s a hunter. He’s got iron around his neck, jade on his wrists, and Latin on his tongue. Ain’t no fucking curse gonna take him and then move on to Sammy after. He doesn’t expect that his curse has a name. But what kind of name is 'Castiel,' anyway?

Excerpt: When the curse writes KILL on the motel wall in big, spiky letters, the brown of it with the drip at the bottom really suspiciously like dried blood, though. Well, that incident gives Dean pause. Not for the reasons anyone else might, though. First of all, Dean’s—for once—glad that Dad’s off on his own again, chasing down some kind of lead while Dean’s here on a salt and burn. ‘Cause if he saw that nonsense, he would lose his shit and probably drag Dean off to Pastor Jim. Or shut him in Bobby’s basement. “Wonder where that blood comes from? Huh,” Dean muses. After all, the curse is tied to him, and it’s sure as hell not his blood. But something’s ticking at the back of his mind, something… He can’t see the curse right now, with all the lights on—his shadow just looks like a shadow—but… that makes Dean think. And ‘cause Dean’s just not that smart, it’s not until he’s working off the words with a scrubby and the kind of industrial soap used by crime scene cleaners (he's pretty sure he knows what it says about their lives that they keep this stuff in the trunk of the Impala) that what’s been bothering him really comes clear. He stops, his hand poised over the first L in KILL. “Hey!” Dean exclaims, and grins, slopping the sponge onto the wall again. “Waittasec. You can write! Y’know, I knew I heard you talk that first time. You got a name? I mean, I could call you ‘hey, you, cursey!’ but that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.” There’s no answer. He doesn’t expect there to be, ‘cause, really, Dean’s just being an asshole. He’s more surprised than he should be when the next morning, in the exact same spot, is written another word in the same red-brown. This one’s smaller, though, and the curves of it are round and full: neat, not the drippy, spiky mess of yesterday. Castiel, it says. With lowercase letters included, this time. Heh. How polite. (But maybe Castiel is kind of an asshole, too, ‘cause now Dean has to scrub off even more bloody letters.)

DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule

#dcbb 2023 #fic preview #2023 promo #deancas #destiel

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micyclemorton · 12 days ago

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🎪 Final Spotlight - Mike Morton 🎪

[ this was just first-person experimentation, and came in at about 840 words! a little too short for my writing blog. written informally, too, with full lowercase and such. ]

i look down at my hands as they begin to tremble. bernard would criticise me, now, if he saw the sorry state of them - raw. bleeding and blistered, without gloves. those would just be stained anyway. do they hurt? i can’t tell. can you tell me? jugglers can’t juggle with hands like this. he told me i was an acrobat, but my movements are too sluggish to be deemed acrobatics now. my name is mike. you don’t have to know my surname.

i used to be an acrobat. the days are blurring out in front of me, and i barely remember the faces i used to cherish. would murro be angry? margie? my friends… my friends no longer. after all, nobody likes a coward and a talentless performer. they were right to laugh and jeer and snarl. joker would be having the time of his life, i guarantee, if he saw me in such a state. that snivelling fool always took pleasure in my downcast days. i was the show pony, and i revelled in the attention just as a flower soaks in sunlight.

i think he was jealous. jealousy turned to bitter words, and bitter words turned to blood. now, despite focusing on my hands, i can feel the dull ache of where his fists once were on my body - sometimes i was too slow. sometimes i got caught. i never doubted him, even when it was better to do so. safer. i wanted to scream at him, berate him for how he treated my dear friends. my voice proved too weak too often. maybe that was the first indication of my slipping - an early one, pushed to the back of my mind and left to fester until it was all too big to ignore. i’m filled with an intense regret, one that i can’t shake away even though i try endlessly to distract myself.

patting my clothes to locate the leather pouch hanging on my belts at all times, small red prints and drags mar my uniform. my nose wrinkles and brows furrow, a stark contrast to the cheery disposition all the kids would know. perhaps i’m one of those hopeful children, naive and blind to horror, because i don’t find any recognition in my own expression.

it begins to rain, fat droplets pooling in my hat’s brim and spilling down. my hands are still shaking, though i force myself to sit before i fall. there’s no reason for someone like me to be so shaky, is there? i’m headstrong and leap into danger, causing it more often than not. now, sitting against the cool ground, the tears begin to finally pour down my cheeks. i can’t say i’m unashamed, having invested so much energy into always maintaining a smile, but that’s not what matters most. the park around me is eerily silent, save for the sound of my own shuddering breaths and hiccups.

maybe they were right to abandon me here. who are “they”? does it even matter? they wouldn’t care to see me again, no matter how often i plead. my voice has died in my throat, and all i can do is sob even more. the tears carve their way through the grooves in my skin, but they can’t wash away the glaring prints of my own failures. i won’t describe to you how much this hurts: blood and ash and salt mingling together tells its own story.

for the first time in ages, i find myself able to make my own choices. despite the bitter loneliness chewing its way through my will to continue, i stand up and tip the rainwater from my hat onto my hands. it’s better than nothing to wash everything away. damage under the surface isn’t something I can fix, but my attitude is.

taking a small palette from my pouches, i busy myself in a fight with the weather, endeavouring to paint a smile onto my cheeks. the makeup drips and smears across my skin, painting a grim picture in direct contrast to my usual upbeat nature.

maybe, i think, this is what it all comes down to. maybe this is the end of the line.

this morose feeling spreads outwards from my thoughts alone, blanketing me in such a way that i find it difficult not to bow my head. looking toward the ground, i select a few juggling balls from my pouch without bothering to check if they match. dragging my feet along paths that i know too well, i climb onto the now-deserted stage of the hullabaloo grounds. a deep, shuddering breath moves through my body, but all i can think about is the blank aftermath.

no one is watching as i move through my practices, silent tears rolling. the one time i look up is to check the lights, even though i know they’ve been cracked and dim for far too long.

now, this is my final performance - i have no stage. i have no audience. i have no worth.

#idv #identity v #mike morton #idv mike #idv drabble

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taeskooksbin · 11 months ago

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LOVE ME AGAIN ; kth

→ 𝖲𝖴𝖬𝖬𝖠𝖱𝖸 . where kim taehyung who still hasn't moved on from his ex-girlfriend writes a song about her.

→ 𝖯𝖠𝖨𝖱𝖨𝖭𝖦 . taehyung × reader

→ 𝖦𝖤𝖭𝖱𝖤 . idol au. heartbreak au. ex-gf au. angst.

→ 𝖶𝖠𝖱𝖭𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲 . lowercase intended.

→ 𝖠𝖴𝖳𝖧𝖮𝖱'𝖲 𝖭𝖮𝖳𝖤 . HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KIM TAEHYUNG WHO IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE MOST CARING AND PERFECT HOOMAN BEAN !!!

→ 𝖱𝖠𝖳𝖨𝖭𝖦 . none

𝖬𝖠𝖲𝖳𝖤𝖱𝖫𝖨𝖲𝖳 𖤐 𓈒࣪ ᭡ ˖ 𝖳𝖠𝖦𝖫𝖨𝖲𝖳 𖤐 𓈒࣪ ᭡ ˖ 𝖯𝖫𝖠𝖸𝖫𝖨𝖲𝖳 𖤐 𓈒࣪ ᭡ ˖ 𝖬𝖮𝖮𝖣𝖡𝖮𝖠𝖱𝖣

Taehyung’s pov

“You left me

Took those memories with you”

I sighed, closing my eyes while reminiscing about all the past memories, all the loving moments and mostly the heartbreak that was flooding in my mind while playing this track, out of all the songs this one stayed the best.

But even now, I can't let you go, let you go

Is that all you have to say?

One word? that's it?

“Let’s break up, I don't feel the same anymore, I’m sorry” she said, breaking my heart, the bouquet of flowers I was holding in my hands fell. “What? B-but why?” My lips quivered while asking while she sighed.”I-I don't feel the same, I’m sorry” The sorry did nothing but fueled me up even more, like someone sprinkling salt on your wounds deliberately. I scoffed, “Sure you don't.”

If ever you regret this

Won't you let me know? Let me know?

The whole night I was holding the phone in my hand, desperately waiting for a text or a call, just something that could ignite hope in me, even if it's to lead me on, even if it's something wrong. just something that'll help me keep going. I heard a notification and hurriedly checked the notifications, nothing except the praises from my fans who were praising me for such a hit, only if they knew.

Fine, I will be honest with you

Put it all out there

Fine. I still love her. I do agree that I can't live without her, neither do I want to. I’m just too used to having her around me, caring about me, having dinner together, the forehead kisses, and everything, I was just too used to all that, to the point that now it feels empty despite having people that care about me, around me.

I think about you all the time

Where you are, who you're with

The only thought that keeps roaming in my mind all day long is her, and perhaps her possible companion, and the lingering feeling of ‘why can't it be me?’ ‘What did I do wrong?’ Every possible degradation I could come across, I directed it all to myself. Thinking that perhaps I was at fault, I kept belittling myself, cursing myself out, is this the heartbreak?

Lost without you, baby

I wish you would love me again

“Babe, what if one day we break up?” “Why would we break up though?” “I don't know? randomly?” “You’re weird” those sweet memories slicing up my heart like a sharp knife. the memories that I thought would forever be with me and I'd be hopefully telling them to my grandkids are now the same memories which I despise.

I wish you could love me again, again

Finally I broke down, after holding back my tears for such a long time, they came falling down, glazing through my cheeks and onto my lap. I looked up to hide them as the melodies kept going, the lyrics kept playing, however everything was incoherent except her voice.

“Babe?” I looked up and saw my girlfriend, you standing there while looking down at me in concern.

# ask taehyung

# ask y/n

# ask ex-girlfriend (lmao)

#taehyung #angst #taehyung x reader #taehyung x y/n #love me again

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888bambi · 2 years ago

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MY LIVER WILL HANDLE WHAT MY HEART CAN'T - LEE HEESEUNG

✰ a/n: alcohol might give you a headache but it also gives you the best time of your life hehe- anyways be careful when drinking. also, friendly advice, if you go clubbing, GLUE yourself to your friends.

TW for sexual assault/mentions of sexual assault!!!

!heeseung x reader; university au, mentions of hee being a basketball player, reader goes through a lot (mentions of other enha members + le sserafim's chaewon, yunjin and kazuha, aespa's giselle)

genre: fluff, angst/ it's kinda suggestive

warnings: alcohol consumption, and i mean a lot of alcohol, substance abuse, sexual assault kinda? reader gets vary of men after that one encounter, ptsd i guess? let me know if i left anything (lowercase intended) & not proofread (i'll look for any errors when i have time, i am really sorry if there are a lot)

word count: 6424

✰13.03.2023

‘’c’mon chaewon, come with us!’’ four young women together was definitely a lot. when you got into college with your cousin kazuha, you somehow ended sharing an apartment with yunjin, her classmate, and later chaewon joined too, even though she went to a different college. it was like you all were sisters: gossiping again and again, sharing clothes and skin care products, helping each other with work- but the best part came every time your group would go clubbing, on friday.

‘’last time we went clubbing together, kazuha almost stole the bartender’s job, yunjin started screaming and crying, making it seem like i was trying to kidnap her or something, and you vanished. literally. i went to get kazuha and you were nowhere to be seen. worst part, i wasn't even sober myself.’’ chaewon stated, pointing at the three of you, and if eyes could kill, you, yunjin and zuha would all be dead right now.

‘’but that's what makes a night out fun.’’ kazuha said, almost begging her older friend to agree.

‘’kazuha, do i need to remind you about that time when you started talking about politics with a decorative plant?’’ she added, both you and yunjin laughing heavily as kazuha desperately tried to defend herself.

‘’don’t act like you’re the saint.’’ you quickly added, a mischievous grin spreading on your lips, ‘’you make out with everyone in sight when there's even a small drop of alcohol in your system.’’

silence fell over the room as chaewon couldn't seem to find a worthy comeback; somehow, the three of you convinced the oldest girl, and now you were all getting ready.

the dorm was a mess, clothes and makeup products everywhere, music playing from yunjin’s laptop to put you all in the right mood.

two hours and three identity crises later, your group finally left the dorm, headed to the parking lot, where you decided you'd just order a cab to get to the club, since you were all planning to drink later tonight.

as soon as you arrived, you already split up; chaewon met some ‘old friend’ and it was clear she had other plans for the rest of the night, kazuha saw her ballet girls, which was definitely an unexpected crossover, leaving you with yunjin, both you and her heading straight to the bar.

''tequila for the hot girlies.’’ the bartender said, sending you both a wink as he carefully poured you two shots, handing you salt and a slice of lemon, making it easier for you to drink.

one shot turned into two, then three, and now, somehow, you were taking your eighth shot, still going strong; yunjin was now chatting with some guy, and by the way he talked you could tell he was american as well, leaving you all alone at the bar, drinking more and more on your own.

you didn't specifically have any plans for tonight, you just wanted to get wasted. not too long ago, you broke up with your boyfriend of two years, simply because the two of you couldn't handle the distance: going to different colleges in different countries, staying together would have been ‘a waste of time’, according to him. if you had to be honest, his words cut you deep like a knife. did he see the whole thing as a waste of time? nevertheless, you decided that your liver will handle what your heart couldn't, so you were stuck in a club, on your own, taking shot after shot until you’ll eventually go numb.

it wasn't even midnight and you were desperately trying to leave this place; making your way through the dance floor, bodies were moving around you like you were stuck in a freak show; perhaps it was the alcohol that made your anxiety skyrocket, or the fact that you realized you were completely separated from your group, and every face was either blurry or unfamiliar. having this eerie feeling overcoming you, you had to get some fresh air quickly. barely walking straight, it took you all your strength to balance yourself between the dancing people, and get out of the crowd in one piece.

looking around for your friends for one last time, you decided that it was time to go back home, even if the night was still young. you weren't like this, and definitely this feeling wasn't what you wanted. for some reason, the alcohol tonight made you feel confused, stressed and anxious. normally it would make you talkative, energetic and horny. but tonight it didn't happen.

being self conscious of the fact that you’re in such a miserable state, and worse, on your own, you quickly made your way towards the empty hallway, which led to the exit of the club.

the blue lights in the hallway gave you a headache, desperately making you try to adapt your vision to the new lighting and get out of here faster. with every second spent there, your heart rate was only getting faster, making you feel nauseous.

this was a completely new feeling, and it made you wonder if the bartender slipped something in your drinks. given the deplorable state you were in, of course you would never notice if someone messed with your drink. you swear you felt your body rotting with every step you took, feeling the veins in your body, each and every single one of them, the sensation making you want to rip out all your flesh.

‘this never happened before’; you kept telling yourself to stay strong until you made it out; but no matter how many steps you took, it felt like time froze and you were walking in the same spot, again and again.

‘’and what do we have here?’’ your stomach flipped upside down when you heard a voice echoing from behind you, making you stop in your tracks as you tried your best to appear as intimidating and as sober as you could.

the person quickly walked in front of you, leaning down to take a better look at your face in the faint lightning. ‘’what a pretty doll.’’ he happily said, a wide grin spreading on his lips. the man was much older than you, and by the way he looked, he was definitely the highest in the room at the moment.

roughly pinning you to the wall, his action caught you off guard, a gasp leaving your lips as you clenched your teeth during the impact. ‘’i’ve never seen a prettier thing in my entire life.’’ leaning in closer, you felt his hot breath on your face, doing your best to contain yourself. ‘’seems like my prayers were heard. i’m having fun tonight.’’ and with no warning, his dry lips were smashed on yours, pinning you on the wall with his large hands, pushing down on your hips, his knee in between your legs, making sure you couldn't escape.

a tear rolled down your cheek, and that didn't go unnoticed, as he was quick to pull away and lick your salty tears, your body getting overfilled with disgust and fear right away.

you needed an escape, and you needed it now. or else, who knows what might happen, even worse than his disgusting touches. when he kissed you again, a dumb idea crossed your mind; without giving it a second thought, you bit down on his tongue as hard as you could, causing him to yank away suddenly, his eyes widening in shock as he looked back at you.

turning on your heels, you started heading towards the exit in a rush, only to be pulled back by the man, roughly gripping your hair; you forgot you couldn't walk that fast, huh?

‘’fucking bitch!’’ lifting his hand, you shut your eyes in fear, ready to take his hit. you were never hit in your entire life, not even by your parents. right now, you have no idea whether he’ll be satisfied with only a slap, or beat you until you're lying unconscious on the cold floor.

waiting and waiting, you realized his hit never came. no, he was actually silent as well. as you slowly opened your eyes, you saw a tall figure towering over the man, squeezing his wrist tight enough to cause him more pain than you already did. ‘’what the fuck?! who are you?!’’ he yelled, massaging his wrist as he managed to pull away from the tall figure.

‘'doesn't matter.’’ the guy nonchalantly said, putting his hands in his pockets, his back facing you. ‘’you should get lost while i’m still a chill man.’’ he spoke, his voice filled with nothing but nonchalance, speaking in a robotic kind of way.

‘’and who are you to send me away? her man?’’ he snapped back, still keeping his distance.

‘’that doesn't concern you.’’ again, another calm reply, making you wonder if he would still be this collected if he saw what happened earlier in the hallway.

‘’i see, i see.’’ the drunk man laughed, a mischievous grin spreading on his lips as he checked you out once again, ‘’does the bitch bite when she gives head too-’’ he stopped talking when the mystery man dashed towards him, grabbing him by the collar and pushing him up against the wall. oh, how the tables have turned.

‘’what didn't you understand from ‘get lost’, huh?’’ if he was calm earlier, he was definitely terrifying now, and the whole vibe he had changed in a split second. without saying anything anymore, the drunk man quickly apologized, making his way back into the crowd without looking back again.

while his back was still facing you, you quickly wiped away your tears; you didn't even realize you were crying this whole time.

your heart dropped to your knees when you saw who was the one that saved you; lee heeseung. he went to the same college and you saw him in the hallways, but you knew him because of how popular he was as the captain of the basketball team. he had a reputation for his bad temper, so his calm demeanor earlier surely shocked you. ‘’thank you.’’ you whispered, avoiding his eyes.

''don't mention it.’’ he shortly replied, leaning on the wall, hands in his pockets, ‘’was he bothering you for a long time?’’

‘’no-’’ you lied, trying to seem as convincing as you could, ‘’he just came. asked me to leave with him, said no… the typical stuff.’’ you tried to laugh it off, hoping that it was convincing enough for the doe-eyed man, but taking a second look at his face, it was clear he wasn't listening to your bullshit. ‘’anyways, thanks again, have a great night!’’

turning on your feet, this time, you were determined to get away. using all your strength, you managed to run towards the exit without stumbling; you heard heeseung calling after you, but you decided to ignore it for the moment; it was time you went home and calmed yourself down a bit.

the ride back home was silent. luckily enough, the cab driver was an old man, and he was sweet to give you water once he realized you were sick- perhaps he did that so that you won't throw up in his car. anyway, you got back to the dorm on your own, safe and sound.

yunjin, kazuha and chaewon weren't home yet; looking at the clock, it was only two in the morning, so being the party monsters they are, there’s no chance they’ll be home before the sunrise. once you found yourself in the comfort of your house, you quickly took off your clothes, and headed for the shower.

once the cold water hit you, your skin was burning in all the places where that creep touched you. the sad part, this wasn't the first time someone did this to you. no, you had it worse than this, and you were only ten when it first happened.

someone said that trauma never really goes away. that person was right. you might think it goes away, but then something triggers it and bang- memories come back again. memories? was it right to call it a ‘memory’? aren't memories supposed to be pleasant?

that cold shower made you sober real quick, but you knew you'd have a monstrous headache in the morning. hiding yourself under your cozy blankets, all you saw was that grin, every time you close your eyes.

his disgusting scent remained in your nostrils, no matter how hard you washed your face; his devilish grin was imprinted on your retina, and you wanted to wash yourself again, this time with bleach, to make sure you took off his print from your skin.

you didn't sleep that night, and you knew this was simply the beginning of something much worse.

by the time the girls got back, you were awake, watching TV in the living room. you heard them laugh and talk about their night in the club; you couldn't call them ‘bad friends’ since they tried to find you- no, they called you a few times last night. at least they tried to find you.

‘’and what do we have here?’’ yunjin jokingly said as she entered the living room, her way of wording her sentence sending a shiver down your spine.

was your mind fucking with your right now? was it simply a coincidence?

‘’are you okay sweetie?’’ yunjin asked, gently brushing your hair, ‘’you’re quite pale. do you want some water?’’ her worry was evident in her voice, the other two girls turning their attention to you as well.

‘’no, i’m fine! i just couldn't sleep really well since i didn't know where you guys were.’’ a faint smile appeared on your lips, and apparently, that was enough to ease yunjin.

‘’we tried to find you everywhere,’’ chaewon added, jumping on the couch, a loud sigh leaving her lips, ‘’it was like you fell into a rabbit hole or something. you were nowhere to be found.’’

once all four of you were gathered in the living room, they started talking about their night. chaewon hooked up with that old friend of hers, and he apparently asked her out for dinner today, which was cute. kazuha had fun with her ballerina friends, going to three different clubs before coming back home, and yunjin had some fun with jake, another guy from your college, but surprisingly, nothing too wild, which was new for her.

‘’how was your night? of course, other than that you basically vanished again.’’ chaewon asked, their attention turning to you.

you debated for a split second if telling them was worth it; sure, they were your friends, but was it okay to burden them with something so… trivial? what would they say? all he did was kiss you. was it that big of a deal or were you being dramatic.

would they think you are a whore for kissing that man?

they wouldn't, they are your friends- but wouldn't them?

‘’i drank too much and i threw up a bit. i panicked because i couldn't find you so i went home earlier to calm myself down.’’ you felt bad for lying to them, and you felt even worse when you saw how easy they believed you.

maybe it would've been easier if you simply told them.

it’s been a week after that night and you barely slept. not to mention, you barely attended your classes. everything seemed to go downhill. you were falling behind in class, missing a lot of assignments, and simply isolating yourself slowly from everyone and everything.

you told the girls that you weren't feeling that well, saying that ‘you got a cold or something’. but you can't have a cold forever, and you needed to get your life together.

putting on the first hoodie you found in your room, you dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and left for the starbucks near the corner; you had many problems at the moment, and a vanilla latte wouldn't solve them; but you were still going to get it.

if you saw yourself in the mirror, you would probably cry; were you weak for letting something like this tear you apart? should you tell someone? was it bad that you didn't tell anyone?

pushing the door open to the starbucks, you were happy to see it wasn't as crowded as it usually was; ordering your drink, you patiently waited for it, trying to plan what to do once you get back to the dorm.

''can't believe i run into you here.’’ turning your head in the direction of the voice, your eyes widened when you saw heeseung, now beside you, figuring out that he must be waiting for his drink as well, ''haven't seen you in class all week.’’

‘’we share the same class?’’ you wanted to slap yourself for how dumb you sounded right now; this wasn't like you. for some reason, you couldn't help but wonder if he saw that man touching you before he stepped in. did he actually see? no- if he did he would've stepped in earlier. right?

looking straight into your eyes, he looked slightly amused as he answered your question, ‘’finance?’’

if you were honest, after this week, you even forgot finance was one of your classes, and also forgot he was in that class too. truth be told, you had no idea why the two of you were talking. you never talked before. was he checking up on you after what happened? was he pitying you?

‘’yeah, finance. i remember.’’ you responded, trying to sound as confident as you could.

‘’wow.’’ heeseung added, making you turn your head in his direction again, ‘’never knew you could be so fake.’’ a little smile appeared on your lips, feeling comfortable talking with him. he had quite a reputation for being the best basketball player on campus- and a player in general, although he was rarely seen with girls. actually, he was rejecting girls quite a lot, and he managed to do so even when he was extremely drunk; he was also known for that.

‘’my bad. if you think that’s fake, you should see yunjin.’’ you replied, grabbing your drink, getting ready to leave after you thanked the barista.

‘’i’d rather see you than yunjin.’’ heeseung was quick to reply, not even trying to hide what he just said.

‘’excuse me?’’ you asked visibly confused, stopping in your tracks.

‘’see you on monday, hopefully.’’

somehow, you pulled yourself to got to school on monday, even if you slept seven hours in total during the past days. you kept telling yourself you weren't going there because of heeseung, but the fact that he wanted to see you in class made you feel better after all those days.

perhaps he saw through your little facade- but was he really able to see right through you when even your friends couldn't?

it didn't matter now, you were already seated in class, laptop on the table, ready for the lecture.

you looked around a few times, hoping you would see heeseung, but he was nowhere in sight. turning your attention back on the lecture, you barely paid attention, getting sleepy all of a sudden. at least now you knew that if you wanted to sleep, coming to professor han’s lecture was the answer.

going to your last class for the day, you spotted heeseung walking on the other side of the campus, headphones on as he was wearing his basketball jersey. although he seemed to be in a rush, you really wanted to talk with him, even for a moment.

making your way towards him, you tapped him on his broad shoulders, his expression when he turned around sending a shiver down your spine. as he removed his headphones, his face softened, surprised at the fact that you approached him. ‘’i didn't see you in class.’’

‘’i had practice. finance wasn't that important to me anyways.’’ he replied, switching his backpack from arm to his shoulder, ‘’what a pleasant surprise you finally decided to show up though.’’

rolling your eyes, he laughed at your little action, ‘’putting basketball over finance when finance is mandatory and basketball isn't. not a smart move.’’

laughing at your sentence, he shifted his gaze from your face to your bag. ‘’how many books you got in there?’’ he asked, pointing towards your bag.

‘’none actually. just a notebook and my laptop.’’ you replied, quite confused by his question.

‘’how cool, me too.’’ and so, he took the bag from your hand without any warning, placing it on his other shoulder, ‘’i had to balance my shoulders somehow. now i carry equal weight on both. anyways, where were you headed?’’

‘’i have a seminary. the last one for the day actually.’’

‘’wanna go to starbucks instead? you look like you could really have some coffee right now.’’ he stated, making you self conscious of your dark circles, reminding you of your troubled sleeping schedule.

going with him to the starbucks was definitely better than going to that boring seminary. although you and heeseung barely knew each other, you learnt a lot about him today: he plays a lot of video games, and he likes toy story, as funny as it might sound. he plays basketball at home with his father and older brother, he loves ramen and sleeps a lot. actually, you found out the two of you had a lot in common, even if the two of you led two very different lifestyles: while you were focused on your grades, or at least, this is how you were until that thing shattered you apart, he was more laid back, going with the flow rather than trying to break it.

‘’i know it might be kind of sudden but there’s a party at jake’s frat,’’ heeseung said, instantly making your heart drop when you heard the word party. ‘’i was wondering if you'd like to come around? you can get your friends as well- i mean, jake definitely told yunjin about it. but it’d be nice if you came too.’’

trying to regain your composure, you forced your confidence as much as you could, ‘’why is that?’’ you asked, playing with the straw of your drink.

‘’i genuinely enjoyed your presence. it’s been quite long since i felt so nice around someone who isn't from my friend group. plus, i am not that smart but i can tell you're not feeling your best right now.’’ heeseung was nice, contrary to what others might say. he was, actually, too nice. it was a party held by a frat. you knew some members of this frat. there’s no way there would be freaks like that one in the club, right? even so, how could you deny heeseung when he was giving you those beautiful doe eyes?

‘’i don't really know…’’ you said, tilting your head to the side. if you were going you might as well make him stay with you, in order to avoid another incident like that happening, ‘’when me and my friends drink, we don't really stick together…everyone goes off on their own as if we are doing side quests or something.’’

‘’i’ll stay with you.’’ he quickly said, a chuckle escaping your lips, ‘’i’ll do side quests as well, if that’s what you want. i promise.’’

you don't understand how it was so easy for him to get you to come here; the girls were overly excited once they heard you decided to come as well, and once you told them heeseung was the one who got you to come, they went mad. while chaewon kept asking you about how the two of you started talking, kazuha and yunjin were helping you pick an outfit. were you trying too hard?

the outfit you picked was simple; a long black tube top with a low waisted pair of flare denim jeans, hugging your hips perfectly; everything else was natural, minimal makeup and neat hair. as soon as you stepped inside, you already saw drunk people making out in front of everyone, some even passed out on the floor, broken glasses and so on.

this frat was known for their wild parties, straight out of project x. but they were always fun, and for some reason, no matter how wild they got, the police never got involved.

‘’i’ll go find jake, will you be fine on your own?’’ yunjin asked you, gently brushing your arm. for some reason, which you didn't understand, kazuha and chaewon were coming later, so for the moment, it was just you and her.

‘’yeah, no worries. i’ll go find heeseung.’’ you assured her, feeling her happiness flying through the roof when she heard your response.

being left all alone in the heart of the party, you had a strong feeling of deja vu; how ironic. making your way to the kitchen, you found sunghoon, who was more than pleased to pour you a shot. sunghoon was extremely awkward when he was sober, but after he drank a little, he became friendlier. after letting you know that you can drink as much as you want, he quickly made his way towards his friends, who were playing beer pong at the moment. looking around, you couldn't spot heeseung anywhere. how foolish of you to actually think he would stay with you, someone he barely knew, at a party where he could even get laid if he wanted, considering the amount of hot girls you saw around.

at least the alcohol won't leave you alone when you need it most. drowning all your problems in alcohol was definitively a dumb idea. drinking alone in a place with so many people was even dumber, especially after what happened at the club. did you care? not really. every single problem left your system when you were drunk, and you were willing to let go of everything tonight, even if it meant throwing up everything afterwards.

this time, you didn't stick to only one alcohol, helping you get drunk faster, but also making you dizzier than ever. luckily enough, this time you weren't feeling anxious, nor confused or scared. you genuinely wanted to enjoy yourself tonight, wanting to move on from that incident completely. everything happens for a reason- at least that's what you always told yourself. you should be thankful he didn't do more. it was too much, but it could've been far worse. you’ll never fully move on from it, but you might as well lie to yourself and have a nice time.

after all, you can't go back in time and do things differently. tonight, it was all about feeling good; your heart might not be good with feelings, but your liver surely was a pro at alcohol. drinking away your pain was a hobby at this point.

taking shots with random strangers, drinking different cocktails and drinking raw vodka were the reasons you were now dancing in the middle of everyone with a girl you've never met, drunker than you were, and possibly, high as well. all eyes were on the two of you, and in all that madness you heard that her name was giselle. making friends with random strangers at parties like this one was always wholesome.

swaying your hips to the music, your leg was between hers as the two of you moved in sync, running your hands up and down her waist, spinning her around and so on. you felt the music running through your veins, and you knew there was no way you were going home tonight, not when you were feeling this good.

rolling your eyes back, both you and giselle got even closer to each other, backs touching as you felt the rhythm down to your core. it felt magical, too good to be real. everything was spinning around, and the lights weren't helping either; pitbull’s old songs were, and will always be, a vibe.

everything went smoothly until you felt someone in your close proximity; an unknown guy, with a bottle of soju in his left hand, was now dancing with the two of you, and while giselle was seemingly happy with his arrival, you quickly excused yourself and desperately tried to get away from them. pushing people out of your way, you started getting anxious again. that guy came up to you just because he wanted to do so- which made you realize that what happened at the club two weeks ago, could always happen again. especially when you are alone and vulnerable like this.

where was heeseung, really? why did he ask you to come here, and on top of that, promise you that he’ll stay with you? you were a fool for believing him, and a clown for trying to trick yourself into believing that drinking would make you forget an incident that occurred while you were drunk.

trying to stop your eyes from rolling back, you supported yourself on the wall as you slowly made your way back into the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water. you heard a familiar laugh in the distance, not too far from you, making you snap your head in that direction. there he was: lee heeseung. he was wearing baggy jeans and a plain white t-shirt, an oversized leather jacket hanging off his broad shoulders. he looked more attractive than he usually does, his black hair neatly parted in the middle.

he was very attractive indeed. his mannerisms made him even hotter than he already was. you felt something strange in your stomach, and you knew this wasn't because of all that damn alcohol. he suddenly turned his gaze on you, catching you staring at him, making you turn your head away suddenly, feeling the heat going up to your cheeks. ‘’pass me the bottle, would you?’’ you nearly froze when you heard his milky voice behind you, mentally slapping yourself in desperate attempts to get your shit together.

‘’which one,’’ you asked without turning around to face him, ‘’there’s soju, tequila, vodka, some wine, whiskey and lots of beer. what would you like?’’

‘’the one you’re holding,’’ heeseung nonchalantly stated, taking the water bottle from your hands and pouring himself a glass, ‘’i’m driving.’’

you wanted to slap yourself when you realised you were staring at him again, quickly shifting your attention to the tequila bottle in front of you, pouring yourself a shot and taking it down without a second thought.

‘’you surely like drinking a lot, don't you?’’ heeseung asked, leaning back on the counter, scanning your facial features, your heart skipping a beat when you saw his eyes landing on your lips for a brief moment. were you actually going crazy?

‘’my liver will handle what my heart can't.’’ you suddenly confessed, catching him completely off guard, ‘’it’s the best way. no one has to suffer.’’

you could tell he was about to say something, but you weren't in the mood for talking right now. something about the way he looked made him dreamier than he normally was, doing something in your brain. ‘’wanna dance?’’ you confidently asked, taking a few steps towards him, so that your face was inches away from him.

you might as well risk everything. worst case, he rejects you. but you could feel the rising tension between the two of you, and he could surely feel it too. shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, he pushed himself up from against the counter, towering over you, ‘’lead the way.’’ not only there was a change in his whole behavior, but also in the way he spoke.

without hesitating, you grabbed his hand and dragged him behind you, on the dance floor, pressing your back against his body 'accidentally’, before turning around and putting some distance between the two of you. a smirk appeared on his lips as he looked down at you, fixating his eyes on your lips before slowly scanning you from head to toe. his hands quickly made their way to your waist, pushing you closer, literally pressing your body on his as he gently massaged your waist, dragging his hand lower, daringly putting it inside the back pocket of your jeans.

perhaps you should be ashamed since you were clearly drunk and he was sober, or he should be the one ashamed since he knew you were drunk. it seemed like he read your mind, leaving you for a moment, before returning with two fresh tequila shots, ‘’i thought you were driving?’’ you asked, raising your eyebrow.

‘’i can get a cab and take the car tomorrow, you know?’’ taking the shot together, that wasn't the last one that night.

after taking more shots together, mixing a ‘mystery’ cocktail for him, you found yourself in front of his car as he was desperately searching his pockets for his car keys. once he found them and unlocked the car, you were quick to sit in the backseat, climbing on top of his lap, cupping his face with your fragile hands. his hands were softly caressing your waist, his doe eyes nowhere in sight as he seemed way more confident than he was earlier. you could see his eyes in the dim light, and their whole vibe was changed, making him look like a completely different person.

without holding back, you leaned in and connected your lips to his, moving your lips slowly in sync, his hands squeezing your waist a little bit. breaking the kiss, you saw him pouting at the lack of closure.

this time, before you kissed his lips, you kissed his whole face, leaving lipstick stains everywhere. you couldn't understand what about him was so comfortable and calming, but at the same time mesmerizing yet intimidating. connecting your lips once again, the kiss wasn't soft anymore. biting onto your lower lip, he pushed his tongue into your mouth, a small moan leaving your lips as you slowly moved your hips against him, his hands abruptly going down from your waist to your hips, squeezing them tightly, trying to stop you from moving.

after more kissing and touching, he gently pushed you away, earning a confused look from you. ‘’did i do something?’’ you asked, tilting your head to the side, as you felt your eyelids getting heavy.

‘’i think there’s something we need to talk about first.’’ he seriously said, although his voice was sweet.

‘’hm?’’ you asked, resting your hands on his shoulders, trying to stabilize yourself.

‘’about the night we first met.’’ your eyes widened in shock as soon as his words left his lips, quickly pushing yourself off his lap, trying to open the car’s door, only to be stopped by him. ‘’don’t. calm down a little.’’ your breath was going crazy, and you felt like your heart was going to jump out of your chest.

‘’you saw… that guy-’’ as much as you tried to sound coherent, it didn't work out the way you wanted, trying to read heeseung’s expression while also trying to understand your emotions.

‘’what i saw?’’ he asked, earning a small nod from you, ‘’his tongue bleeding. i didn't need anything else to realise what he did.’’ your eyes started watering at his words.

was he going to see you differently now? was he going to say it was your fault? would he tell anyone else?

heeseung wasn't this type of person.

‘’don’t cry.’’ he gently said, pulling you back on his lap, wrapping his arms around you, ‘’it’s not your fault.’’ his reassuring words were enough to make you break down, wrapping your arms around his neck as you hid your face on his left shoulder. running his hands up and down your back, the two of you stayed in silence for a while; heeseung didn't say anything anymore, letting you cry while he hummed a melody in your ear, trying to calm you down.

‘’i can't thank you enough for saving me that night.’’ you said between sobs, his gaze softening once you pushed yourself away from his shoulder and he saw your reddish eyes in the dim lights, and your mascara running down your cheeks. a faint smile appeared on his lips as he kissed your mascara stained cheeks before he wiped your tears away with his thumb.

‘’you don't have to thank me. any good person would've stepped in.’’ he said, another smile appearing in your face.

‘’still, i’m grateful it was you,’’ the sentence left your lips without you realizing it, making you slap yourself mentally at how bold you were tonight, ‘’i-i mean, we wouldn't be here if you didn't save me that night?’’

‘’actually…’’ heeseung said, shifting his gaze from you to the window, looking at the frat house in the distance, biting his lip before turning his attention back on you, ‘’i wanted to get to know you for a long time. i just didn't have the courage.’’

his confession left you speechless; you never saw yourself worthy of someone like heeseung, someone who was good at everything he did, someone who seemed perfect in all aspects. ‘’you looked kind of untouchable,’’ another shocking confession for the night, ‘’you came to college, went to class and left, no interest in cliches or frats or the typical campus drama. i saw you at a few parties and you were completely different from how you were in school. i found you quite intriguing and i might have developed a small crush on you…so i tried to find the courage to come up to you.’’

you couldn't help but smile like a dumb bimbo at his confession, pressing a soft kiss on his jawline before playing with his necklace, pulling him closer to you, ‘’what a good thing you found the courage to come up to me.’’ you chuckled, leaning in for a kiss, only to be denied by him, which got you more confused.

‘’hold up, hold up,’’ the black haired boy said, removing your hands from his body, ‘’sorry to ruin it to you, but if you keep kissing me i won't be able to hold back anymore.’’

again, he made you confused. was he rejecting you or subtly telling you you're pushing yourself onto him? upon seeing your perplexed expression, the silence was replaced by his loud laugh, squeezing his eyes shut while he laughed in your face. calming down, he barely held back his laughter when he saw the confusion written all over your face.

‘’we can have fun later, sweetheart,’’ heeseung spoke, playing with a strand of your hair, ‘’let me take you out on a date first.’’

(small note: if you ever find yourself in a similar situation and you're afraid to ask for help because you think people will blame your for it, just remember that there's always going to be someone there for you. since i went through something similar and i needed a whole year to tell anyone about it, constantly blaming myself for what happened, i felt much better when i told someone about what happened and got it off my chest. even if it's hard, don't hesitate to seek help <3)

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