#all it does is create negative energy and shame people and scare people away

[narcissa-black-supermacy]

you are absolutely right about what you said re: censoring jkr's name though. it's the same mindset that encourages those people who are like 'i don't care about hp i just care about the marauders' which i completely get in terms of like, caring about the mwpp era vs golden trio era but i feel like sometimes people lean so much into that mindset that they sort of... forget that the marauders are a part of the hp universe?

another one i can't stand is 'jkr didn't write hp! (insert) did!' because, to me, saying stuff like this doesn't really do anything in terms of disavowing jkr and her beliefs. no matter how much you clog your ears and pretend otherwise, jkr did write hp and it's very much her work.

maybe it's the fact that i believe that the 'ownwership' of published literature (and other media as well i guess, but i care more about literature than anything else so i'll only speak for that) is sort of... a balancing act between the writer and the reader. it can be jkr's thing just as much as it's mine, you know? and my interpretation of things/the parts of it that resonated with me is just as important as jkr's involvement. so the very act of liking hp doesn't make me or anyone else an awful person because hp is also mine.

that's a more impactful mindset to me than erasing jkr entirely from the work because that's just... blatantly not true and never will be lmao

you are absolutely right about everything you said.

i think this is a general issue of people seeking control that they'll never have. nobody can guarantee you that the person whose music/art/writing you like will never do anything problematic. you need to learn to be okay with that.

you see that beyond fandom, with the rejection of the "culturally christian" label (which has always been baffling to me bc in islam/judaism we only have "practicing" and "non-practicing" but you cant just remove that entirely when youre born into a culture, yknow?)

or with countries. like. you need to be okay with your country having a shitty president that makes shitty decisions and still feel okay about identifying as american/german/iranian/etc and be proud of that bc it's still your heritage and your culture and you're allowed to take that flag and make it into whatever it is to you regardless of what it means to other people, because you can't control that.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Garbage’s Shirley Manson: “Being human is to be messy. If you think you’re above all that you’re in deep, deep trouble”

As Garbage unveil their first new album in five years, No Gods No Masters, Shirley Manson talks getting political, cancel culture, and why speaking up is more important than ever…

A metaphorical low for Shirley Manson involved a poster, a car journey and getting dumped. A lawyer for Garbage​’s label Interscope records called and told her she was dropped.

“I was about 40 years old at the time. My mother was dying, I was abjectly miserable, my career was on the skids,” she remembers, convincing herself at the time, ​“You will never again recover, you’re a woman over 40, you’re screwed.”

On the journey home alone after this call, she drove down Los Feliz Boulevard, five minutes from her house, and looked to her right. There in front of her was a shop-sized display poster of Garbage being sold at a yard sale for a few dollars. ​“I looked at myself being sold on the street, literally. And I burst into tears and I slumped down in my car because I felt like everyone could see me. I felt deep, deep shame, which is not an emotion I experience often, for my sins.”

Shirley explains today from her LA home that shortly after that experience she had a revelation: ​“It doesn’t matter if you never get signed to a record label again. It doesn’t matter if you never perform again in public, you can still be a singer, you can still be a creator, you can still be an artist.” Since that moment, her career – and her relationship to it – has been a healthy one. Still, the lyrics she wrote based off this pivotal experience were words she was eager to use in a song for 12 years. Nothing quite felt right… until now. They appear on a heavier highlight of Garbage’s new record, The Creeps (‘I was so upset, I saw them selling me out / Right there on Los Feliz Boulevard’). ​“That song is about not listening to my feelings – that narrative I feed myself is often just as negative and inaccurate as a stranger telling me what to think.”

The capitalistic misogyny of the music industry and the world at large is just one of the weighty topics Garbage sink their teeth into on No Gods No Masters. Tinged with a gothic darkness, it’s a dystopian, slow-paced and angular album, and one that feels timely for all its ​’80s sonic influences. It stands out from their other releases for covering racism and police brutality and wealth disparity. A reoccurring image of white men as undeserving and cruel gods looms large. These themes that have been relevant for decades – if not centuries, millennia – but listen to it and you can’t ignore the fact it speaks to the last couple of years.

Speaking of the pandemic, Shirley is feeling grateful and thoughtful for her own circumstances. As a musician she’s been focused on the injustice in the lack of support for artists on both sides of the Atlantic (“You’re literally considered a nothing as a musician”). In the UK, those involved in the live music industry were encouraged by the Conservative government to retrain. But they’re fortunate, thinks Shirley, if only compared to America, where government furlough money didn’t help those whose jobs were in jeopardy or defunct.

“I’m concerned about all the young musicians who have not received any support from their government, and have been left to rot,” she says. ​“I know a lot of struggling musicians who literally can barely feed themselves. We’ve got a terrible homeless situation here in LA, and I have people living in tents two steps away from my house. And that is a very healthy reminder of my good fortune and my privilege.”

Opening up about adversity faced by musicians – especially female musicians – within the industry is something Shirley has done for years. The commentary around Garbage’s treatment by labels or ageism inadvertently leveraged against her has followed the band through almost every step of their career. It’s a significant part of the Garbage story.

“I think a lot of artists are fearful of speaking the truth,” she says when this is put to her. ​“I just think that the most powerful version of oneself is the most authentic version. That to me is when you have no secrets, you’re not cowed, you’re not scared, because the truth is out. I think people are very frightened that people discover things about them. And that truly does make you vulnerable. When you’re lying and deceiving, you’re constantly spending energy trying to hide your life. And I just don’t have time for that.”

No Gods No Masters is the first major label release from Garbage for years, and unusually – ironically, almost – it’s their most political. Their last two albums – 2012’s Not Your Kind Of People and 2016’s Strange Little Birds – were released independently through Garbage’s own label Stunvolume, which they set up to be free, of ​“greedy corporate interest”, as the band put it in a Facebook post at the time. The decision to return to a label was because they struggled to maintain their footing in the industry without it: ​“We couldn’t really get our records distributed. We couldn’t get on radio; nobody would take our calls. We simply could not compete. We realised that if we didn’t make this leap at this particular moment in time, we would drown entirely.” But returning to the corporate fold explicitly meant not giving up creative freedom. One of the key understandings was Garbage having total control over whatever they did.

But Shirley wasn’t overly concerned about the threat of control anyway.

“If you’re lucky enough to stick around long enough, the economics of [our] sort of discography allow you a certain kind of autonomy,” she says.

So there was no pressure from people telling you not to make a political record, for example?

“I think as you get older, you’re able to parse pressures more effectively. You’re able to set boundaries. You can hold that [boundary] and not fret that somehow you’re going to be punished for that. Because that’s the deal: if you have integrity and you don’t compromise, you will be punished for it. That’s how it works. As you get older, you stop caring so much about that threat and about that reality.”

Back in 2018, Shirley experienced another turning point. She was asked to speak alongside trans black activist Ashlee Marie Preston and sex educator Ericka Hart at an intersectional feminism event and was, essentially, educated herself.

“Both these women are phenomenal powerhouses and they have great minds, agile minds, and they really took me to school. And they were very gentle with me, I have to say, but I was mortified at my ignorance, regarding systemic racism and a whole gamut of things. I determined then I had to educate myself about the black experience that I knew nothing about.”

In these situations, it is often the case that white people get defensive and shut down. ​“I too had a flare up of defensiveness, but I knew deep down, you don’t feel your ears burning for no reason.” Her education involved reading Patrisse Cullors and Asha Bandele’s When They Call You A Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir and James Baldwin, Maya Angelou and Alice Walker. It was watching The 13th, the documentary by Ava DuVernay. It was learning about the murder of Trayvon Martin and the murders of other black people at white hands, the hands of police.

This drive to self-educate didn’t fizzle out after a brief spell. ​“I’ve spent 54 years, or 50 years, being an ignorant, white privileged woman in the world. And I’ve got a lot to learn, and I look forward to learning more,” Shirley says. Feelings of sadness and shame were mixed with an understanding that she was being compliant in ignoring black suffering, as she was trained and expected to. ​“We’re conditioned to not look, because once you start looking, you can’t turn away, unless you’re a monster or a devil.”

The year 2018 was also when the band started writing for the album, though Shirley says there was no intention for this to be a political record. ​“Nothing’s premeditated, and nothing is planned,” she reveals of when the band get together to write an album. It’s a process of them coming together and simply writing in the moment, with Shirley responding to the music the rest of the band provide. It just happened that it coincided with this reckoning in her personal life: ​“I just allowed who I was in my private life to come out into the record, all the preoccupations at that time, dripped out onto this record, simply because I didn’t put up a barrier.”

Most of the writing happened in Palm Springs at Garbage guitarist Steve Marker’s in-laws’ house. Even for a band as legendary as Garbage, there are financial considerations (“It was free accommodation,” Shirley laughs). ​“Bands now have to be really careful about their economics. That’s why there’s a plethora of solo artists and fewer and fewer bands, because they are hard to sustain. They’re these weird little microcosms that nobody wants to spend money on. We had a limited budget and we were like, ​‘Okay, how are we going to pull this off?’”

They honed in on their long-time influences of Roxy Music, Gary Numan, Siouxsie And The Banshees, The Cure and Talking Heads to create an ​’80s feel. The fact that Butch Vig received a delivery of a brand new drum machine the day they started writing set the pace of the record, quite literally. ​“He didn’t know how to work it,” she remembers. ​“The fact the drum tracks sound rudimentary are just because he was feeling out how to work this machine.”

From its opening track, The Men Who Rule The World, it’s evident this is a record about men who set up and maintain the capitalistic structures that are destroying the planet and lives for the vast majority in work. Mention the fact that nearly 500 people became billionaires during the pandemic and Shirley replies: ​“These billionaires are more powerful than any government in the world. How is that even legal? I said earlier about people living outside my house in tents: it’s heartbreaking, too painful, too obscene.”

To write songs like Waiting For God, a self-explanatory track about racism if you listen to the lyrics, opens Garbage up to getting it wrong. This is a small price to pay for speaking on these topics, Shirley says. ​“If that requires that I be a little discomforted, so be it. If that requires somebody pointing a finger at me and laughing at me or criticising me, so be it. I’m middle-aged, and I’m starting to see the end of my lifespan. And I don’t want to leave this world thinking that I didn’t lift a finger to try and make things better for generations to follow. I want to know that I at least tried to speak up in defence of someone else. As white people, we all have to just get over ourselves a little and be willing to be uncomfortable.”

And why is a fear of being cancelled by people for getting it wrong more important than having a go at making the right statement?

“Cancel culture is such a tool of bullying and again, a tool of shutting you down and shutting you up,” replies Shirley. ​“Every human being, every artist, every icon has made mistakes. You’re not going to find a perfect person in the world ever. And I think it’s so immature and silly to think that you will. And my God, how hard are you being on yourself, if that’s how hard you’re being on other people?

“Being human is to be messy,” she continues. ​“And if you think you’re above all that you’re in deep, deep trouble.”

It’s inevitable that some listeners will think this album has been written in response to the last couple of years, rather than envisioned three or more years ago. While the members of Garbage are pleased they’ve made a record that feels prescient, it’s both an ancient and timeless album: these are the oldest issues known to humankind. But in true Shirley Manson style, her feelings and opinions are disclosed to us listeners as evidence of where she was and where she is.

“I’m sort of grateful for the record,” says Shirley. ​“We have a public testimony of where we stand in this world as people currently. What we’re in disagreement with, what appalls us, and the hope that we have for the future.”

[aspoonofsugar]

I was happy to discover you are in ATLA fandom too. Could you please share your thoughts on Azula? I like your analyses

Hello anon!

Thank you very much for the nice words and for this ask! I love Azula!

I think Azula’s character explores the idea of control:

In The Avatar State, she is shown training to master “lightening”. There, it is shown how losing control of even a small detail, like a lock of hair, is enough to make Azula angry.

It is not by chance that such a scene occurs in an episode focused on the Avatar State. As a matter of fact the Avatar State and the lightening can (partially) be compared when it comes to Aang and Zuko’s stories in book two. This book opens up with Aang trying to enter the Avatar State and with the lightening being introduced thanks to Azula’s character. What is more, both Aang and Zuko try to get a hold of the two different techniques throughout the season. Finally, both skills need for the user to “let go” of their feelings.

In particular, when it comes to the lightening, there are two different ways to interpret this:

Iroh: There is energy all around us. The energy is both Ying and Yang. Positive energy and negative energy. Only a select few firebenders can separate these energies. This creates an imbalance. The energy wants to restore balance and, in the moment the positive and negative energy come pressing back together, you provide release and guidance...creating lightening. (...) Remember, once you separate the energy you do not command it. You are simply its humble guide.”

Iroh: “Lightening is a pure expression of fire-bending without aggression. It is not fueled by rage or emotion the way other firebending is. Some call lightening the cold blooded fire. It is precise precise and deadly, like Azula. To perform the technique requires peace of mind.”

On one hand Iroh’s description is interesting because it is as if creating lightening is a process of synthesis. You separate opposites and have them come back together, so that they can gain a new form. So it makes sense that, thematically, this new synthesis can happen only if the character overcomes their inner turmoil. This is also why Zuko is not able to learn the skill:

Iroh: “You will not be able to master lightening until you have dealt with the turmoil inside you.”

Zuko: “What turmoil!?”

Iroh: “Zuko, you must let go of your feelings of shame if you want your anger to go away.”

In order to acquire it, he should let go of his shame, but he can’t do it. The fact that “shame” is what stops Zuko from making progress is interesting. As explained by Guru Pathick, thus, the fire chakra is the chakra of will and it is polluted by shame.

On the other hand the lightening is called cold-blooded firebending because it can be realized only by benders whose emotions are kept in check. I would argue that this is the reason why Azula is able to use this skill. It is not that she has reached a level of emotional maturity which lets her become a  “humble guide” to the energy. It is just that she constantly represses her feelings. This repression gives the idea that she is in perfect control, but this impression is a superficial one and it is proven wrong towards the end of the story.

In short, Zuko is not able to use lightening because of his explosive emotions, while Azula is able to because she restricts her feelings. Let’s highlight that this difference between the two siblings comes up again in a key episode aka The Beach:

Once again Zuko’s emotions are in full display. He is angry and nervous. He might not know why, but he is. Moreover he is finally able to express himself thanks to a confrontation with the other members of the group. Finally he does so while a giant fire erupts to highlight the catharsis of the moment. When it comes to Azula, she too opens up a little. In particular, she lets this slip:

Azula: I don't have sob stories like all of you. I could sit here and complain how our mom like Zuko more than me. But I don't really care. My own mother... thought I was a monster... She was right of course, but it still hurt.

Azula thinks that Ursa saw her as a monster. It is clear that the unsolved issues with her mother have left a sign on her. However, when she has the chance to truly let it all out, she does not. She changes the tone of the conversation and immediately leaves the topic. However, this does not mean that she is not troubled. If anything, her emotions keep burning behind a cold exterior, exactly like the fire, which burns under the ashes. Almost invisible, but still there.

About this, let’s consider two things.

1) In The Beach episode, Azula does something similar here:

Azula: “Come down to the beach with me. Come on! This place is depressing.”

Zuko starts talking about their past and their family, but Azula does not engage in the conversation and tells him to leave.

2) When Azula opens up, the others do not challenge her. They do not ask her what she meant nor they try to contradict what she said. This is different from what they have just done with each other. All in all, Zuko openly provokes Ty Lee and Ty Lee, Zuko and Azula all provoke May, until she shouts. Finally, all the girls keep asking Zuko who he is really angry with, until he is finally able to answer.

These two considerations can be linked to more general ideas.

a) Azula is a person who needs to always be in control. This has two consequences. The first is that she never lets herself be vulnerable. She is always on guard and closed up to others. The second is that she is like a fish out of water when there is nothing to control.

This is made clear in the episode The Beach:

Zuko: “Doing nothing is a waste of time. We are being sent a way in a force vacation. I feel like a child.”

In this episode, Azula and the others are given a break. However, Azula, just like Zuko, is not really able to take a break.

She is on an island and should relax, but the only way she manages to do so is by finding new enemies:

She must continually challenge herself and must change everything in a competition (and win it) in order not to face how empty she feels. This is why, in the end, her solution to the insecurities the beach re-awakens in her is to trash a party. She can’t fit in a group of pampered teenagers, so she ruins their evening. However, what Azula should really do is to try to understand why she does not fit.

The episode shows that Azula is ignorant when it comes to casual relationships:

Azula: “I am so used to people worshipping us”.

Ty Lee: “They should!”

Azula: “I know and I love it. But for once I just wanna see how people would react to us if they did not know who we were.”

She says so directly. She has been worshipped all her life. However, this means she does not know how people react to her outside of her role as a princess and a military leader.

The military aspect is especially interesting because, even if she does not disclose her identity as a royal, her attempts to bond are all centered around military topics:

Azula: “That's a sharp outfit, Chan. Careful, you could puncture the hull of an empire-class Fire Nation battle ship, leaving thousands to drown at sea. Because... it's so sharp.”

Azula: “Together you and I will be... THE STRONGEST COUPLE IN THE WHOLE WORLD! We will dominate the Earth!”

Her life has been a long training session for war, so she does not really know anything else. This is obvious both in how she can’t talk about other things and in how she sees others not like people, but like enemies/rivals.

This is also why the vacation in Amber Island could have been very important if Azula had been able to properly capitalize on it. All in all, The Beach is the episode where Azula is shown the most vulnerable (not counting the finale where she has a complete break-down).

She tries to change her approach to go along with others:

Azula: “Well that sounds really shallow and stupid...Let’s try it!

She openly apologizes and shows her insecurities:

“Look...maybe I just said it because I was a little...jealous.”

However, all of this is not enough to change the trajectory of her arc. Why is that so? This has to do with another aspect of Azula’s controlling tendencies. As a matter of fact not only does she controls herself, but also others.

b) Azula is presented since the beginning as a highly manipulative character. Manipulation is at the root of all her major relationships:

Zuko:You lied to me!

Azula: Like I've never done that before.

She lies to Zuko to catch him and forces Ty Lee to join her through manipulation. Moreover most of her plans rely on manipulation and lies. However, if you try to control and manipulate others you are unable to build healthy relationships.

This is what happens to Azula. As stated above, nobody replies to Azula when she opens up. Zuko could have very easily told her Ursa loved them both. May and Ty Lee could have tried to comfort her somehow. However, nobody does. And nobody does because they are all scared of Azula. In her attempt to control everybody, Azula has negated herself the chance to have  a relationship among equals.

What is more, it is clear that it is impossible to fully control others. The Beach starts to show this through Azula’s attempts to flirt. Without her status as a princess, her peers do not behave like she wants. She might be able to hook up with a guy by rehearsing and applying a strategy. However, building a relationship is not a military operation. It is not something that can be done through control, but only through respect and trust.

Azula fails to do so and this is why she is left behind by others. She is left behind by Zuko who breaks free from their father. She is left behind by Mai and Ty Lee who choose healthier relationships over the one they have with her. After she loses them, Azula starts spiralling out of control and burns everything around her.

In short, I would say that Azula’s main flaw is “control”. She wants to control everyone, herself included. So in the end she is betrayed and left behind by people and she herself loses control:

Ursa: I think you're confused. All your life you've used fear to control people. Like your friends Mai and Ty Lee.

Azula:Well what choice do I have? Trust is for fools! Fear is the only reliable way. Even you fear me.

This is especially tragic because it is clear that Azula’s behaviour is her answer to an environment where a clear line was drawn between winners and losers. Azula has always been Ozai’s favourite, but Ozai has never loved her. He loves Azula’s talent, so Azula cultivates those qualities which make her accepted by her father. What is more, Ozai is not a character who values feelings or emotions, so Azula represses these aspects of herself.

In conclusion, I think Azula is a very tragic character and that her spiral was very well written and realistic. I also think that in the series itself she has shown the potential to change for the better, but this possibility has not been explored. I mean, if she had no guilt nor regrets about her behaviour, she would not have seen the hallucination of her mother calling her out.

These are more or less my major thoughts on Azula. There are probably many other things to add, but as far as my generic impressions of her go, this is what I have to say. Feel free to make more specific questions! I love her!

Thank you for the ask!

[undignifiend]

So I made a Trollhunters fan character instead of sleeping. Meet Dezoka.

A (secretly) unregistered changeling trying to pass as a Gumm-Gumm warrior after getting stuck in the Darklands during the Battle of Killahead. Genuinely wants to be a Gumm-Gumm, but has to be deceptive (like an ‘Impure’) in order to even attempt passing as one. Frustrated by the irony.

She feels like a coyote trying to blend in with a pack of wolves. Fortunately for her, she’s got enough fire to keep up most of the time...

Might be equal to a sergeant in terms of rank; second-in-command of a platoon in Gunmar’s army (or the Gumm-Gumm equivalent). Favorite weapon: Parlock spear, but likes brawling unarmed, too. Would absolutely love the drunken fist style.

Not the strongest hitter or fastest healer, but she’s enthusiastic, fast, and has excellent pain tolerance and reflexes; excels at rolling with the punches, dodging, and deflecting. Has enough stamina to wait out or distract most opponents she’s met long enough to create openings for her teams to take down particularly tough enemies and accomplish their objectives. She’s not a duelist, she’s a pack-fighter. The rush from that is her favorite thing ever. It gives her a sense of belonging and community that she otherwise feels a degree of removal from, and the aftermath of victory is the only time she’s too hyped up to mind non-violent physical contact – celebratory headbutts and claps on the back, that kind of thing.

As evasive as she is in combat, she still gets hit a lot. Tends her own wounds, and refuses to let a healer treat her unless ordered to by a superior. And it might be a little hard to notice in a place as gloomy and washed-out as the Darklands, but her blood is a telltale purple. Grateful for how much her Gumm-Gumm armor hides. (I need to draw her helmet, too. She wears it a lot. Especially when injured.)

Has a reputation for being disciplined, loyal, direct, and industrious. And neurotic. Oddly, is most relaxed (and tolerable) when on a mission or task. During her downtime, she’ll seek out other work, or will try to salvage resources, clean/repair weapons and armor, or organize supplies in the interest of boosting efficiency. No task is too small so long as she’s convinced it will be of some benefit to the cause. If her regular duties are complete and no one gives her further orders, and if she’s got energy to spare, she’ll find something to do.

She was very gentle and affectionate as a whelp. Liked to cuddle and nap, and was easy to put to bed. When feeling active, she enjoyed ‘helping’ her favorite adults with tasks, ‘hide-and-scare’ (would leap or scamper out of her hiding spot and ambush her playmates with all the ferocity of a kitten), wrestling, and the “I bet I can jump from here to there” game. Mostly wanted to climb somewhere high up (especially on tall, broad shoulders) and observe (and give occasional, soft little headbutt-nudges like a happy cat). Is a mutt with a strong background of a sub-type of troll with propensity for leaping, climbing, and ambush tactics. Has very strong fingers, forearms, legs, and toes, and is an excellent climber. Can even fall asleep clinging to rocky walls to this day.

Became the exact opposite of cuddly. It’s like a Cats vs Cucumbers video. If someone startles her by getting too close in a non-combat situation, she can leap pretty high – and cling to any rocky walls, ledges, tree branches, or accidentally tear down rafters and get tangled in curtains. Might yell, start a brawl, or bite her tongue to resist doing either, depending on who scared her.

Very conscious of hierarchy and knows her place in it. Easily intimidated by superiors getting into her personal space, and will try to anticipate where they’re going and get out of their way. But if in-formation, or expected to hold, she will obey and hold position for as long as they tell her to, no matter how nervous it makes her.

If, however, they attempt to take advantage of her despite her protest, or if she witnesses someone else being abused (as opposed to punished) by a superior, she’s likely to take that to mean that the aggressor is unfit for the responsibility of their station, and she will consider the resulting fight she starts as her ‘appeal for a promotion’. She may be a bit squirrely, but she’s got pride and resolve in spades. Fortunately, this has only happened once so far (her former sergeant was abusing one of her shield-mates), and fortunately, she won (barely). Lost a tooth in that fight.

Gets really touch-starved when in season. She hates it. It’s perhaps the one instance (aside from recovering from debilitating injury) in which she’ll take her downtime to actually rest – which she’ll do somewhere up high and relatively hidden, where she can keep tabs on things in case she’s needed for something, but is otherwise out of sight and out of mind. Gets kind of depressed, too; without her usual duties and distractions, her mind wanders to things she’d rather not think about.

Pan and demi, but because she doesn’t want to chance anyone finding out her secret, she tends to keep people at a distance, and is effectively celibate.

Normally rolls around in dust-baths a lot to help disguise her scent. Does this extra when in season.

Favorite snacks: packing-peanuts (she likes the squeak) and coffee-grounds. Will stress-eat either of those by the handful, especially if drizzled with teriyaki sauce. Favorite beverage: any kind of soda. The bubbles “taste sharp” and it comes in edible shells! Likes to mix it with bubble solution when she’s feeling extra fancy.

Gunmar seems to notice a difference in how changelings smell, so she’s especially wary around him. It’s kind of a weird situation for her. He makes no secret of his opinions on changelings, but she idolizes him (so much that she ran off to join the Battle of Killahead when she was young and naive and wanted to personally witness his victory). As a result, her motivation to conceal the truth isn’t only about self-preservation. It’s also about trying to do right by her hero by trying to “defy her treacherous nature” (as she thinks of it) and live as a proper, loyal Gumm-Gumm. But doing so requires deception, and she’s deeply frustrated by the irony.

Constantly waffles back and forth between thoughts of “I’m lying, disloyal trash. End me.” and “This is my lot, and I’m gonna do the best I can with it.”

The only two things holding her back from coming clean and submitting to punishment, is 1) her fear of possibly getting her familiar killed as part of said punishment, and 2) her fear of dying as one more “lying, treacherous Impure” despite her efforts not to be.

Was a young, stary-eyed nobody at the Battle of Killahead, and got trapped in the Darklands with the rest of the Gumm-Gumm army. Quickly realized (or assumed) how Thoroughly Dead she’d be if she didn’t start passing as 100% Troll, pronto, and has kept up the ruse ever since. Has gone to great lengths to keep this secret, up to and including bribing goblins to hide her familiar – first name “Danica” - and erasing the name they shared from the nursery records to protect them both.

Had five fingers on each hand, which was seen as a common enough mutation among her tribe, but which she feared might be incriminating. Just to be on the safe side, she bit off her pinkies. It wasn’t her favorite day. Later learned that it’s perfectly normal for some changelings to have different numbers of fingers in different forms, and she was just being paranoid. Sour about it.

“Dezoka” was the first Trollish name she conjured up when someone asked her. She’s craftier now, but she was not a brilliant improviser in her youth, and still reflexively grimaces at the name sometimes. (It’s too close to her familiar’s name for comfort.)

She’s getting older by the present day, and even if she can still fight, she knows her reflexes are slowing. She never figured out how to accept that gracefully, and is a bit grouchy about it. She thinks she’s had a good run, even if she spent the vast majority of her life in the Darklands, and is hoping she’ll die in combat before anyone figures her out.

Witnessing Nomura getting imprisoned and tortured only made her more certain that the same would befall her. She wasn’t sure which would be more “classically Impure”: trying to appeal on Nomura’s behalf (she was trying to think up a compelling case to let her serve in the army), trying to help her escape (thereby betraying Gunmar, which is out of the question), or letting another changeling take hits for things she couldn’t help (and knowing no one would step up for her, either). Things moved on before she could decide, but the question still haunts her.

It puts kind of a damper on her ability to form relationships. And even if she got to spend time around other known changelings, while curious about them, she has internalized a lot of shame and negativity about them. And even if she didn’t have that problem, letting anyone know (changeling or not) puts her and her familiar at risk.

She has been working on a plan to get her familiar back to the Surface ever since she heard that humans are now far more likely to survive infancy. She’s not afraid to risk her life in battle, but she’s terrified of screwing up and getting her familiar killed (either on the Surface or as punishment), so that’s why she hasn’t made her move yet.

She thinks she would rather stick with Gunmar’s army than join up with the Janus Order if she got the chance. She’s lived almost her entire life as a troll, anyway, and doesn’t know how to be human, even if she may or may not have a few buried human instincts and tendencies. Also, a huge part of her paranoia about letting anyone get too close is her fear that they might have a gaggletack.

One of the main things that has kept her from giving up during times of doubt, crisis, and intense loneliness, is that she always still wants to see how long she can get away with it. It seems to her to be a very Impure attitude, and she’s starting to learn how to laugh at the irony.

[qokyb1-blog]

Dread of the Dentist - Is "Dental Phobia" a Misnomer?

What is dental fear?

A "fear" is generally characterized as "an unreasonable extreme dread that prompts evasion of the dreaded circumstance, item or movement" (in any case, the Greek word "fear" essentially implies dread). Presentation to the dreaded upgrade incites a quick tension reaction, which may appear as a fit of anxiety. The fear causes a ton of misery, and effects on different parts of the person's life, not simply their oral wellbeing. Dental phobics will invest a terrible part of energy contemplating their teeth or dental specialists or dental circumstances, or, in all likelihood invest a ton of time making an effort not to consider teeth or dental specialists or dental circumstances.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) depicts dental fear as a "checked and persevering trepidation that is unnecessary or outlandish". It additionally expect that the individual perceives that the dread is exorbitant or nonsensical. In any case, lately, there has been an acknowledgment that the expression "dental fear" might be a misnomer.

The distinction between nervousness, dread and fear

The terms tension, dread and fear are frequently utilized reciprocally; in any case, there are checked contrasts.

Dental tension is a response to an obscure peril. Nervousness is very normal, and a great many people experience some level of dental uneasiness particularly on the off chance that they are going to have something done which they have never experienced. Fundamentally, it's a dread of the obscure.

Dental dread is a response to a known peril ("I comprehend what the dental specialist will do, been there, done that - I'm scared!"), which includes a battle flight-or-freeze reaction when gone up against with the undermining boost.

Dental fear is essentially equivalent to fear, just a lot more grounded ("I comprehend what happens when I go to the dental specialist - its absolutely impossible I'm returning on the off chance that I can support it. I'm so startled I feel wiped out"). Likewise, the battle - flight-or-freeze reaction happens when simply contemplating or being helped to remember the undermining circumstance. Somebody with a dental fear will dodge dental consideration no matter what until either a physical issue or the mental weight of the fear gets overpowering.

What are the most widely recognized reasons for dental fear?

Terrible encounters: Dental fear is frequently brought about by awful, or now and again profoundly damaging, dental encounters (considers recommend this is valid for around 80 - 85% of dental fears, however there are troubles with acquiring delegate tests). This incorporates difficult dental visits, yet in addition mental factors, for example, being embarrassed by a dental specialist.

Dental specialist's conduct: It is regularly thought, even among dental experts, that it is the dread of torment that shields individuals from seeing a dental specialist. However,gingivitis treatment even where torment is the individual's significant concern, it isn't torment itself that is fundamentally the issue. Something else, dental phobics would not maintain a strategic distance from the dental specialist in any event, when in torment from toothache. Or maybe, it is torment caused by a dental specialist who is seen as cold and controlling that has a colossal mental effect. Torment incurred by a dental specialist who is seen as mindful and who regards their patient as an equivalent is considerably less liable to bring about mental injury. Numerous individuals with dental fear report that they believe they would have no power over "what is done to them" when they are in the dental seat.

Dread of mortification and shame: Other reasons for dental fear incorporate obtuse, mortifying comments by a dental specialist or hygienist. Truth be told, inhumane comments and the extraordinary sentiments of embarrassment they incite are one of the fundamental variables which can cause or add to a dental fear. Individuals are social creatures, and adverse social assessment will agitate the vast majority, aside from the most tough people. In case you're the touchy kind, negative assessment can be breaking.

A past filled with misuse: Dental fear is additionally basic in individuals who have been explicitly manhandled, especially in adolescence. A background marked by harassing or having been genuinely or sincerely manhandled by an individual in power may likewise add to creating dental fear, particularly in mix with awful encounters with dental specialists.

Vicarious learning: Another reason (which deciding by our discussion seems, by all accounts, to be less normal) is observational learning. On the off chance that a parent or other guardian is frightened of dental specialists, youngsters may get on this and figure out how to be terrified too, even without awful encounters. Additionally, hearing others' shock tales about agonizing visits to the dental specialist can have a comparable impact - as can kids' motion pictures, for example, "Horton Hears a Who!" which depict dental visits in a negative light.

Readiness: Some subtypes of dental fear may undoubtedly be characterized as "unreasonable" in the conventional sense. Individuals might be inalienably "arranged" to get familiar with specific fears, for example, needle fear. For many years individuals who immediately figured out how to maintain a strategic distance from snakes, statures, and lightning presumably had a decent opportunity to endure and to transmit their qualities. So it may not take an especially excruciating experience with a needle to build up a fear.

Post-Traumatic Stress: Research proposes that individuals who have had awful dental encounters (obviously) experience the ill effects of indications ordinarily announced by individuals with post-horrendous pressure issue (PTSD). This is portrayed by nosy contemplations of the terrible experience and bad dreams about dental specialists or dental circumstances.

This last explanation is critical. Most people with dental fear have had past aversive or even profoundly damaging dental encounters. They don't see their side effects as "over the top" or "outlandish", and in that sense take after people with post-horrendous pressure issue. Valid, intrinsic dental fears, for example, a "silly" dread at seeing blood or a syringe, most likely record for a littler level of cases.

The effect of dental fear on day by day life

Dental fear can have wide-extending outcomes on an individual's life. Not exclusively does their dental wellbeing endure, yet dental fear may prompt nervousness and wretchedness. Contingent upon how clear the harm is, the individual may abstain from meeting individuals, even dear companions, because of shame over their teeth, or not have the option to take on employments which include contact with the general population. Loss of confidence over not having the option to accomplish something as "straightforward" as heading off to a dental specialist and serious sentiments of blame over not having taken care of one's teeth appropriately are additionally extremely normal. Dental fear victims may likewise maintain a strategic distance from specialists for dread that they should view their tongue or throat and propose that a visit to a dental specialist probably won't go not right.

What would it be a good idea for you to do in the event that you endure with dental fear?

The first and most significant thing to acknowledge is that you are not the only one! The most traditionalist appraisals figure that 5% of individuals in Western nations keep away from dental specialists out and out because of dread. What's more, a lot more are restless about specific parts of dentistry. Today, it has gotten a lot simpler to discover support by means of electronic care groups, for example, Dental Fear Central's Dental Phobia Support Forum. You are not the only one, and you may locate that imparting your encounters to individuals who truly comprehend what you are experiencing makes a difference. Most dental phobics who have beaten their feelings of trepidation or who are presently ready to have dental treatment will say that finding the correct dental specialist - somebody who is benevolent, mindful, and delicate - has had a significant effect.

[larissaloki]

Abusive relationships,

Yes another one of these, ths my own personal experiences with a relationship that ended nearly two years ago. I’ve only just gotten the confidence too share as to this day, my son is still negatively affected by the aftermath.

Thankfully my relationship only lasted 2 months before i wised up and kicked his ass to the curb. These kinds of relationships can happen to anyone, not just women, so this post will hopefully serve as a warning for everyone on what to look out for.

Before i continue i will warn that content can be sensitive for some (obviously) but also mentions of a bdsm esk lifestyle. Not overly explitic but it’s still there. Also I am just writng out as it pops into my head so bare with my ramblings as this hard to get out.

To start off with, I am a single mum living in a flat and at the time i was working part time (18 hours a week a the time) with a 2 year old toddler and 22 years old. Despite having a son I was lonely a lot as a lot of friends stopped contacting me and my weekly dnd group was disbanded so my human interactions where limited and lets just say retail doesn’t equate to good human contact.

Fast forward because you don’t want to hear about my struggles wth dating as humourous it is. I met (lets call him D) D and as always, things see well- D was sweet and charmng and was seemingly ok with me having a toddler. Brillant! i thought i had hit gold with this guy.

This how abusers are, they make themselves seem to sweet and amazing that you become blind any faults. You know that saying “I’m not like those guys, not all guys are like that” D used these words when describng himself and in conversations. in my experience with him and a few other people, people that have used these sentences are often exactly like the ones they say they aren’t.

So far everything he’s done is present a pleasent package that sound and looks trustworthy and a nice guy. Making the bad traits come across as just mere off days. I was so blinded by the fact that he seemed to sweet and nice that i didn’t realise exactly what he was doin for a mere two months. thankfully talks at schools and thing’s I’ve read online and family members helped me clock onto his games.

ALWAYS LISTEN TO FAMILY! i say this because they noticed within weeks what he was doing and were trying to find ways to warn me. He seemed hesitant to meet my family after a month of dating which for my family is odd, as we are a pretty tight family more or less at the times. My mum met everyones partners quickly as we all visited each other a lot at the time.

when she did meet him a month into dating and was talking to him, D admitted that he would read my phone over my shoulder ALL.THE.TIME. This is not good, nothing i thought was private actually was. But his own phone was protected like it was the holy grail of all holy grails. I never actually asked to see his phone but it’s somethin i noticed after we broke up that he would always hide the screen from anyone in the room. He would try and create arguments over anything with my mu and sister when they were at my home while i was working, watching over my son. At this pont i wasn’t still comfortable enough for D to be along with my son.

When i then got home, my mum and sister would leave quickly unable to stand being in D’s presence. this made me think they simply just didn’t like him, so when it annoyed me, D would jump onto my rants and feed them. Make my anger at my mum and sister worse by telling white lies, basically fanning the flames. People, if your partner does this- take a step back and wonder why.

D was purposefully driving wedges between me and my family and later my best friend by complaining about each and trying to get me to join his point of view. Tryng to get me to view them as hinderences rather than support. Driving me to focus on him completely and not them. Do not let anyone destroy your family ties, especially ones with your closest family.

then theres the other little things, like comlaining how i wash my hair and which products i use saying i was damaging myself. everything i used was of good value and methods professional hairdressers adviced me to use. But apparently a guy who doesn’t even condition and had short balding hair had better knowledge then me. this is another form of control, trying to tell me how to do things. same with cooking, I’m not a bad cook i can make somegood meals but he insisted on cooking saying he’s amazing at cooking. He would often put in way to much garlic and onion making the meals he made full of to much flavour and would get upset when my poor 2 year old wouldn’t eat or I wouldnt. Even when i told him not to put so much he would snap saying he knew what he was doing.

Then theres the guilt tripping and telling me how to raise my child. A person who has no children was apparently more knowledgable than me who read articles and books and have a mother who’s had 4 kids herself. When out and about he would get annoyed when my 2 year old had a tantrum and play up.

saying that my son was being a disrespectful shit to me and would publically shame me for ignoring or trying to appease my son depending on what the tantrum was over. RED FLAG! A 2 year old cannot be disrespectful, my son struggles with speech to this day due to D demanding my son uses his words and not cries to display hs wants. D’s view was that kids should be perfectly articulate at 2 year old and understand all these adult social cue’s.

Then at bed times, D hated that i cuddled my son till he slept and that my son came intomy bed halfwa through the night for comfort reasons. So he demanded i changed the night routine to involve maths for my 2 year old and a story while my son was in bed then just walkout of the bedroom. leave my son alone regardle if he was upset, my heart broke at my sons cries as D scared my son back into bed and kept leaving him. Ignoring my concerns with this method saying it wht he read online and eventually my son will sleep. worst two weeks of my life until i broke the cycle as I just couldn’t allow it to continue.

i was fas growing afraid of D at this point. One night he flipped his shit as i turned over in bed declaring it was to hot to share the bed due to my memory foam topper and that he runs hot anyway. he threw his phone at the wall over it. Another time he yelled at me for not trying a certain stores jellybabies when i said. didn’t like jellybabies, saying that i was being stubborn as this stores jelly babies were delicious. i promised to try them later- when he was out i threw them away and just told him that yes they were ok.

He mocked the games i played and liked, i love final fantasy and rpg games a lot. i find them entertaining but he mocked them saying i should play more fighter interactve games. he made me play one that i just found dull and did not like at all.

After this he was also scaring me with his bsm ettiquette, anyone in bdsm know that you respected your partners limits and repected their safe word and what they tell you the are ok with and what they aren’t ok with. A few times he violated this. He liked to give pain and i liked mostly pleasure and rope play. A hard limit for me was belts- i was not ok with them at all, he used one one session and i had to safe word out quickly which he found fuckng funny. This is not ok. Another time we wanted to try a new pose with ropes and the position i was in was making me feel ill half way through beng tied, so i safe worded and asked me to get me out as i felt sick.

If your partner is in rope and feels unwell or safe words out- get them out fast! Cut the ropes if you need to you can always buy more ffs. But D didn’t, he sighed and slowly untied me. No matter how much i begged him to hurry up he went at his own slow ass pace. Do not do this as something someone once found enjoyable suddenly no longer is.

And lastly, do not snap at your sub if your rope plans dont go to plan. Do not make them feel bad if something doent work. I was snapped at when ties he was tryng for the first time weren’t working, nothing i could help.

towards the end he told my mum when they again where at mine alone that he would be moving in in 6 months time so she had best get usedto him being here. we had only been dating at this point for less than 2 months. I have a rule that i don’t move in with someone unles i’ve been with them for more than 2-3 years at the minimum.

8 MONTHS IS TO SOON.

the event that pretty much spelled the end for this? was my sons bday and D turned up after eveyone had gone which fair enough, lots of kids wasn’t his thing. I had some alcohol and energy drinks as well, he offere weed which i had had before unaware of him slipping me ectasy as well.

All of these things did not respond well to me, hours later in the next morning as i had this 9 pm the night before, by 10 am D left to go home and i was dealing with what i think was the come down. Badly. Ikept having panic attack and was not right for two days after. My heart kept going dangerous speeds that i had to call my mum and sister for help as D said he woudlnt come over as i wa just beng silly and that it would pass. I was worried for my son if something was to happen to me over it.

After this i talked to my mum and the truth was coming out in small bits. I stupidly was on the fence about what my mum was telling me as i was reliant on D’s affection and we i went to get a coil (birth control device) and D hated that i was going with my mum and that i had been talking to her.

He got defensive and was telling me i didnt need my mum in my life. His mum wa dead and he was doing well, so i didn’t need mine in hs eyes. This is maniplative as fuck and he was an asshole trying to use this. By thi point. Was wising up to his tactics and games with teh help of my mum exposing what he hadsaid to her and i dumped him.

He tried to then play around with getting his things back and tried to arrange it when i would be alone. Never meet an ex like this alone people i beg you, i got my mums bf to wait for him instead,and i prepacked his stuff so he couldnt possibly steal anything. When he saw my mums bf his aggressive pose he had at the door dropped away. He was suddenly polite and cordial and left with little fuss once received his things. Never meet an abusive ex alone.

After he left my life i found out he had gotten onto my computer that was a christmas gift and had wrecked it beyond usable it quickly broke and i lost everything on it. All my musc and pictures and works. My computer wa my escap and coping mechanism for depression and anxiety. Same as my music. Im still struggling in life around men due to this and my son is strugling to learn to speak still.

Please be careful and never cut out people from your life because a partner says so. Friends and family mean more than someone you just met.

[360degreemindset-blog]

Life’s Distractions

We have to be careful not to get distracted. Sometimes you can have people around you that aren't as committed to progressing in life as you are.  It's important to stay committed to our own goals, and to not get distracted by others people’s lives. I have found myself this week continuing to prioritize my time as it has become more and more limited more so than it's ever been. I have to make sure my motivation is directed towards my true intentions, and to stop missing God's next level for me. 

I'm sure we can all relate to feeling like you’re going around the same mountain over and over again.  You get to a point where the picture in front of you looks a lot like it did the 3x before that, but with new faces and you’re in different places. The only difference is now you’re older and hopefully wise enough to recognize how to get off the same merry-go-round this time. I've reached a point in my life where I just can't keep looking at the same mountain anymore...I'm finally pushing through it right now. It's gotten to a point where my usual satisfying habits are no longer satisfying; they now leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

I recently had to make a big change in my life because the larger percentage of my life was out of whack, so I could no longer afford to continue in it. I know it won’t be forever, but I realized I neglected other very important areas of my life that would not allow me to neglect them anymore. I did not want to give up my daily enjoyable bad habits so I remained committed to this one good habit.  I believe now that I relied on this one good habit for too many things, as if it was a safety net allowing all my unhealthily ways of responding to life be okay. I think it may have created this illusion that if I at least kept that good habit intact then I'm all good across the board. But, you can’t only add gas to a car and think it doesn’t require any other form of maintenance to keep it going.

I was becoming antsy and stagnant in my life and knew something had to change or else! I became more scared of the “or else” because I knew it could easily turn into a big negative that I just couldn’t live with. I have held on to my bad habits like a baby does a pacifier or their favorite blanket. It partially felt like I was giving up my arm or a portion of my air supply. Frankly, that is what my habits were to me, a part of me. But, I realize now on a deeper level they have never been there to better me, but rather to harm me even more. The idea of giving them up scared the hell out of me on more levels than one. On one level I knew I needed to get rid of them, but they provided me with a lifestyle I enjoyed, and the only life I’ve known. There has been a lot of shame and hiding my habits from others because not everybody can relate…and, I felt embarrassed that I couldn’t just lay them down and stop. And, that was it I couldn’t just lay them down I had to ask for help…a help that I do not possess on my own. I went to my heavenly father and cried and said I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t know what else to do to stop it all. I see why people say ignorance is bliss...because, it’s sometimes more painful when you know what better looks like, but you just can’t seem to do it. Or, you have done it before and tasted the freedom it offered you, and then only to mess it up again, and have it slowly taken back away from you.  

There are many things that I have done that I am not proud off, but have learned to forgive myself and rely on God’s mercy and grace to get me through. But, I cannot live with screwing my daughter’s life up…at least too bad…my daughter provides me with a lot of motivation to make necessary changes in my life because I am a walking talking example for her. As I have learned numerous things from my own mother, my daughter to will learn that from me. And nothing is wrong if your motivation for change starts out with someone else’s best interest in mind as long as you eventually get to the point where you do it for yourself.

God has laid it on my heart several times to take care of myself physically and to work with Him on my impulsivity for food, sugar, caffeine and shopping. I have been on this journey before, and now I'm here again, almost 30 days into it. I will say it's different this time...I feel myself relying more on God's timing and His comfort, and I am enjoying and appreciating the journey...don't get me wrong it has its moments, but they're not so bad. I can remember how scared I was before, when I have been at this point, and I think I was scared of the next level and all that it would ask me to give up…and, truthfully I just didn't want to give it up. I really believed for a long time my shopping, eating and caffeine intake only affected me...but, this time God created a clearer image of my situation, and it helped me feel and see how it affected my family, husband, daughter and then me. Thank goodness God knew my heart even though I continued to not take care of my body or my finances. It's been a very humbling experience so far, and God has helped me be forgiving and kinder to myself in the meantime.

I really appreciate you taking the time to share in my experiences and thoughts this week, and I hope it offers you inspiration as you too try to live life to its fullest. Until next time, many blessings to you all!

”Do the best you can until you know better.  Then, when you know better, do better.”  Maya Angelou

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”Socrates

070818

#balance

#motivation

#inspiring

#self-improvement

#life

#blessings

#approval

#change

#mindset

#negative

#positive

#alone

#peace

#individuality

[tipsycad147]

How To Get A Bothersome Spirit To Leave You Alone

Avery Hart

New witches worry about encounters with spirits a lot. I’ve seen it so many times, a witch is all excited and ready to jump into the craft but their fear of attracting spirits that they don’t know how to deal with ends up getting in the way and holding them back. This is such a shame! While spirits might seem scary up front, the vast majority of them are nothing to worry about.

Not convinced? I’ll break it down for you. We are both physical and spiritual being residing in a physical plane of existence. We can access spiritual planes without much trouble but our natural state of being is here in the physical world. Spirits are purely spiritual beings, they have no physical manifestation so their grounding in this reality is very weak. What this means is that you are almost always going to be stronger than any spirit you encounter here in this plane!

Most spirits know this and the ones that are mischievous will try to convince you otherwise. They’ll resort to scare tactics and fear-mongering to make you feel like you don’t have any power or like they can hurt you. But the only way they actually get any power over you is if you give up. Sadly this works a lot of the time! People get freaked out by a spirit who’s all bark and no bite and they end up in a compromised situation simply because they didn’t know any better. We’re not letting that happen to you.

It’s time that you learned exactly how to deal with a spirit that won’t leave you alone. Whether it’s a confused ghost, a mean-spirited apparition, or a trickster trying to one-up you, these steps will help you kick that nasty spirit right out of your life with no fuss, no mess, and no freaking out.

Why Spirits Get This Way

There are tons of reasons why a spirit might pester you. New witches are especially prone to picking up errant spirits because they have less control over their energy (which can look like a beacon to a wandering spirit) and they have an air of naivety about them. This combination can make some spirits feel very welcomed. Particularly shy spirits can often gravitate to newer witches because the fresh, open energy and lack of preconceived notions can feel less threatening. Unfortunately, this same open and unsullied energy can also look like gullibility to not so friendly spirits.

If you feel comfortable trying to help the well-meaning spirits that find their way to you, that’s great! You can learn a lot from these beings. If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea though, don’t sweat it. You do NOT have to deal with any spirit, friendly or not, who shows up asking you for help. There are tons of other witches out there who are more prepared for this kind of work and these spirits can find those other witches just as easily as they found you. Protecting your boundaries should never make you feel bad. Decide what you are and are not comfortable with and stick to your guns when those boundaries get challenged.

How To Handle Bothersome Spirits

Now onto the actual practicalities of getting rid of a spirit that won’t stop bothering you. While many spirits will accept a polite but firm “No, thank you” and be on their way, others will not. In situations where a spirit won’t go away even after you expressed that they are not welcome, it’s time to witch up and show that spirit that you’re not joking around.

Cleanse the space

Cleansing your space and yourself should always be step one. This ensures that you’re not having to deal with errant energies, negative feelings, or magical sludge while trying to get rid of the spirit. it also ensures that you’re not being influenced by the spirit in any way, many spirits can impact how you think and feel and this can have a marked effect on your actions! Cleansing will cut through all of that nonsense and give you a clear space and a clear head.

Put Up A “Not Welcome” Sign

After cleansing, putting up a “Not Welcome” sign for spirits can help reinforce the fact that you are not interested in visitors and that any spirits who have overstayed their welcome can hit the road ASAP. How do you create one of these signs? I like to use sigils.

Remember, when creating a sigil the intention needs to be phrased in the positive because negatives won’t translate well. Saying something like “spirits are not welcome” won’t work. Instead, try a phrase like “spirit free zone” or "spirits go away". Create your sigil and then find a way to display it near or on your front door. The best part about this kind of sign is that it does not have to be visible! You can take some charged water and draw the sigil in the water on your front door if you want. This method may need to be repeated about once a month but it should get the message across to wandering spirits fairly well.

Banish The Intruder

If your cleansing and “Not Welcome” sign haven’t deterred the spirit, it’s time to break out the big guns and banish the intruder. You’ve told the spirit it’s not welcome and that you don’t want it around, now it’s time to back that up with some action. The reason a lot of spirits don’t take off when you tell them to is that they don’t actually think you’re going to do anything about it if they don’t. You need to prove them wrong. Remember, being a pushover in your spiritual life is like hanging a big sign around your neck inviting every ill-mannered spirit within a mile to come right on in. You do NOT want to be living in a house swamped with annoying (or worse, aggressive) spirits so putting your foot down in this situation is an absolute must.

There are tons of banishing spells out there and I have a few that will do the trick perfectly. Choose one that works for you and get to casting.

5 Simple Banishing Spells For The New Witch

How To Use Elemental Banishing With Fire & Ice

5 Powerful Spell Powders And How To Use Them

How To Make Black Salt & What It’s Used For

Ward Your Space

If you’re worried about this happening again, then you will need to ward yourself and your house. Thankfully, warding is a pretty easy skill to learn and it tends to be effective on many layers. Not only will it prevent most spirits from being able to get to you but it will also send a very firm message to them that you are not messing around when you say you don’t want spirits to pop in. This gives the very clear impression that you are not naive, not messing around, and not likely to be intimidated by a mischievous spirit.

I have two excellent wards available to choose from, both work really well against spirits although I personally prefer the home guardian when warding a space against spirits.

The Ring of Fire: An Elemental Spell For Protection

How to Create A Home Guardian

Personal Protection Spell

For warding yourself when you’re out of the house, I recommend a simple personal protection ward. This spell is so potent because it is repeated every day. This regular repetition layers intent and energy until it is an impenetrable shield around you. Don’t worry though, this spell is about as simple as they come!

1. Start by finding an item that can encircle you that you won’t mind wearing every day. This can be a necklace, a bracelet, a belt, or even a ring. It is important that you’re comfortable wearing it EVERY day though! In a pinch, you can also just tie a length of yarn around your ankle as well.

2. Every day when you wake up, put your item on and as you do hold the intention that it will protect you from harm. You can say an incantation out loud, visualise the item creating a shield around you, or simply hold the thought in your mind.

3. Wear the item any time you are out of the house (if your house is protected) or if you’re travelling or can’t ward your living space, wear it all the time and only take it off while showering to give you a chance to put it back on again afterward.

4. Every time you put your necklace or other item on, you will be increasing the strength of the spell. After even just a week this provides you with ample protection that will only continue to grow stronger as you continue repeating it.

These steps are all it takes to live your life without worrying about spirits. Remember, if you don’t want to deal with spirits, you don’t have to! It’s also fine to make space for yourself when you need it, even if you don’t want a spirit-free life all the time, sometimes life gets crazy, mental health struggles happen, or you’re just too plain worn out. It’s ok to put up boundaries and protect your space during these times as well! Always put yourself first in the craft and don’t be afraid to set firm boundaries to keep yourself safe, healthy, and happy in your craft.

Ever wondered if you’re really prepared to handle the dangers of the craft?

Or maybe you've recently come face to face with these dangers and you're determined to be better prepared next time.

Either way, you need to learn magical defence. This set of skills is absolutely paramount for new witches, witches looking to take their work to the next level, and even witches who are just looking for a little more peace and quiet in their spiritual lives. The craft doesn't have to be dangerous, stressful, or traumatic!

In Defensive Magic For Beginners, I’ve created a step by step learning path that will give you the boost you need to start defending yourself confidently today.

Learn More Here >>

https://thetravelingwitch.com/blog/2018/8/7/how-to-get-a-bothersome-spirit-to-leave-you-alone

[helloroselyn]

What I Wish Someone Told Me Before Junior Year

It is currently the summer between my junior and senior year, and I cannot wait to enter my last year of high school! It’s a bit surreal to say the least, but I definitely think junior year was my best year thus far. If you asked me to describe each school year in high school (minus senior year), I’d say that freshman year was the easiest, sophomore year was the most challenging, and junior year was the most productive.

Everybody says junior year is one of the most important years of your high school career, and I agree to a certain extent. My junior year was abundant with highs and lows, stressful nights and early mornings, and dreaded days and exciting events. There were times when I was successful, yet there were others when I felt like a failure.

If you’re about to enter your junior year or if you’d simply like to know my advice on what helped me as a junior, here are five tips on what I wish someone would have told me before my junior year:

1. Start everything early.

If you’re like me, you probably like to procrastinate a lot. In junior year (and in any year of your life), that won’t do you any good.

My teachers recommended students to take their first SAT and ACT exams during their junior year, which makes sense. If you don’t like your score from junior year, you can retake it as a senior in hopes of earning a better score.

So I set out to take my SAT in June (more specifically, June 3) and my ACT the following week (June 10). The reason why I chose the June dates and not May or earlier is because I wanted to “accumulate” as much knowledge as possible before I took each exam.

I have yet to receive my scores, but if there’s one thing I regret, it was that I feel as though I didn’t practice enough.

During my leisure, I watched a TED Talk on what top students do differently than average ones, and one of the key things that top students do is take practice exams well before the test, whereas average students tend to reread the material over and over and over again until their brains are exhausted. Unfortunately, that won’t help you on the SAT/ACT.

What I did to practice for the SAT was to create a Khan Academy account and make a study schedule that I would religiously follow each week in preparation for the June exam. Of course, this is extremely beneficial – if you’re consistent with it.

I, however, was not. I said “hi!” to Khan Academy for about one week straight and then completely abandoned my account. I don’t even recall exactly how many months I skipped SAT Practice because there were so many. Needless to say, DO NOT DO THAT.

The month leading up to June 3, I began to practice every single day. I would log into Khan Academy during zero period, lunch breaks, and before I started my homework. It was a super productive routine, which I am proud to have accomplished, but it undoubtedly required plenty of discipline and determination.

Would I probably have scored higher if I practiced way more? Yes. Would I feel more confident about my score if I studied earlier? Absolutely.

Now that we’re on the topic of studying...

2. Find a study schedule that works for you.

I cannot stress this one enough. If you’re still in that mindset of “I can study the night before the test and still score an A+ on it,” this is especially for you, my friend.

I used to be the type of person who lived and breathed that mindset. I would put off studying until the night before (sometimes the morning of) a test, self-assured that I would get an A. And most of the time, I did. But it did result in me losing precious hours of sleep and crying from constant bouts of stress.

To avoid this, I highly recommend creating a study schedule that works for you (key words: “works for you”). You don’t have to strive to be the next Albert Einstein and study chemistry formulas for five hours every night, because if you’re involved in ten extracurriculars, enrolled in five AP classes, and given a list of twenty chores to do on the daily, you’d obviously have to create a study schedule that caters to your specific needs.

What I did was that I would study my most difficult subjects (i.e. Precalculus, Chemistry, and AP United States History) for about thirty minutes each night, and I would give or take a few minutes depending on how difficult the lesson was or when my next exam would take place. Thirty minutes may not seem like a lot, but it’s way more efficient than studying four hours the night before the test. Plus, I had leadership positions, extracurriculars, and other AP/Honors homework under my belt, so I couldn’t afford to study for hours on end.

Depending on your daily/weekly schedule, I suggest finding what works perfectly for you. This does require some trial and error, but trust me, your hard work will pay off!

3. Get more sleep.

This is a piece of advice I desperately needed. When you’re feeling lethargic at school, you cannot – and will not – show your best work. The only (obvious) way to fix this is by catching more shuteye.

This may require some experimentation. If you’re anything like me and beg for a drop of coffee when you’re running off five hours of sleep, shoot for six to seven hours of sleep (at the very least) each night. Many doctors and professionals suggest eight hours of sleep for optimal energy, but your body may be different. Whether you’re a night owl or a morning bird, I recommend testing out different hours of sleep and seeing what works for you.

Once you’ve determined your ideal sleep schedule, you’ve got to stick to it. I have zero period, which means I wake up every morning at 6 a.m., regardless of whether I want to or not. It’s become a habit for me, but of course, it changes drastically over the summer.

For many students, sticking to a consistent sleep schedule may mean finishing your homework earlier than usual, or sacrificing a few extracurriculars in order to make more time for sleep. That’s okay. If you’re losing hours of sleep due to your activities, re-evaluate each one. Ask yourself, “Is this worth my time?” If it isn’t, you may have to consider knocking it off your schedule.

This brings me to my next point, which is...

3. Don’t be afraid to quit and try out different things.

As children, we were taught that quitting a sport, club, etc. is no bueno. We’re shamed for straying away from our commitments, and even in some cases in high school, it’s heavily frowned upon to do so. But as you grow older, it may be of more benefit to quit extraneous activities than to stay in them.

During my sophomore year, I was on the track team. I absolutely loved sprinting and lifting weights – it was my form of stress-relief (plus, it made me more confident in how my body looked, which was an added bonus). But when I was on the team my junior year, I hated it. I don’t know if it was because of the negative people I was surrounding myself with, or because the workouts just weren’t fun anymore, or if it was a combination of the two. The point is, I quit the track team.

And it was difficult. I was fearful of what my coaches would tell me. I was scared of what my friends on the team would think of me. And most importantly, I was afraid of being shamed for my decision.

Luckily, my coaches and most of my friends were incredibly supportive and understood my situation. But to this day, it was one of the hardest choices I’d ever made in my high school career.

Like the track team, I also quit the All Female Dance Team, Book Club, Science Club, Bible Club, and several others. I chose to leave my AP Chemistry class and opted for an easier chemistry course, simply because I wanted to decrease my workload. Different activities were definitely more challenging to say goodbye to, but in the end, I don’t regret any of my decisions. I feel healthier and more balanced with the activities in which I am currently involved (and I get much more sleep!).

4. Heartbreaks are inevitable, but they’re leading you to your next successful relationship.

Like I mentioned in my previous blog post, I went through an excruciatingly painful breakup early on in my junior year. Needless to say, I was extremely depressed because of it. I’ll spare you the details of what happened (simply because that’s a really personal topic), but without a doubt, I’ve learned so much from my pain. I became more assertive and independent, discovered exactly what I want and don’t want in a guy, and uncovered a newfound strength inside of me that I never knew I possessed.

In conjunction, I don’t recommend rushing into a relationship immediately after you’ve endured a breakup. I gave myself a few months of healing before I started dating my current boyfriend. This healing process may take longer for others and shorter for some, so it’s important to surround yourself with your loved ones and to do activities that make you happy to distract yourself from the pain.

5. Don’t rush it.

This is a short and simple piece of advice my APUSH teacher gave us on the last day of class, yet it’s super meaningful.

There will be many days when you’ll want to get out of high school already. There will also be days when you’ll hate your teachers, your parents, your classmates, and so on. There will be plenty of days when you’ll want to be an adult and have your life figured out already.

But don’t rush it. Enjoy your youth while you still have it, because there are only so many years before you’ll have to pay taxes, work for ten hours each day, and take care of crying babies until 3 a.m. This time of your life is valuable, so treasure it.

I hope this helps you, future juniors, in the upcoming school year! I wish you all the best of luck!

Love, Roselyn

[ophionrp-blog]

A S R A, DAUGHTER OF PERSEPHONE, IS A FIRST GENERATION SOLDIER // she is twenty-four & a nurse at arcadia. she resides in room 200, ithaca.

AGE YOUR MUSE JOINED MOIRAE

asra was around nine when she joined moirae. she followed all the classes and became one of the best students at the institute, learning everything about her true nature, the history of moirae but also how to defend herself as a demigod should. at 16, she graduated along with the rest of the students at that time.  

ABILITY

shadow manipulation: she can create, shape and manipulate shadows. her power allows her to fight day and night as long as there is some light. she can generate shadows from darkness but can also manipulate people’s shadows as much as her own by accessing a dimension of dark energy. it can be channeled to a variety of effects, her power requests a lot of concentration and efforts. daily, asra tries to extend her power to control it and develop it until it knows no fail. for now, she uses shadows in three different ways:

shadow mutilation: can inflict damage to the opponent through their shadow, which may kill human targets and potentially destroy the body in the process. she uses her shadows to injure the other. this power can’t be used against other demigods.

shadow marionette: can manipulate her shadow or the target’s shadow to torture her fully conscious enemy, the target becomes her puppet and only respond to her. through that power, she can only inflict pain and is unable to take control over her enemy.

shadow camouflage: inside a shadow or in complete darkness, she becomes invisible in the eyes of everyone but the fates and hades. in the daylight, she can turn her body into a shadow allowing her to move faster.

STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES OF THEIR ABILITIES

strengths

endurance: she turns herself into a shadow to extend her rapidity and move swiftly. that way, people can’t catch her as her body is too light to be considered as solid.

concentration: to manipulate shadows, her entire mind has to be focused and form a detailed image for the shadow to respond to her orders.

pain tolerance: as a shadow, asra is unable to feel pain at all. her body doesn’t exist anymore as it is formed with nothing but her own energy. severe injuries can slightly weaken her but not enough for her to feel it.

weaknesses:

hand-to-hand: to be able to use shadows, she has to remain thin. unable to develop her muscles, asra cannot fight as her body is too light to cause an injury.

absorption: if she remains for too long in darkness or shadows, she will herself turn into a shade permanently. her power, generated by darkness, swallows her soul and body.

absence of light/complete darkness: she is unable to create marionettes without a minimum of light as shadows have to be attached to a body for her to bring them to life. in complete darkness, she can only become invisible, she is unable to fight or control/create a shadow.

PERSONALITY

asra is a relatively silent person, she never lets her anger take control, she never shows she is angry. most people wouldn’t be able to describe her personality as they don’t know what truly lies in her mind. no one knows if it’s due to her ability, but she is similar to a shadow, she barely speaks and interacts if it’s not mandatory.

the way she acts in a crowd contrasts with her personality on a battlefield where she can be described as fierce and destructive. nothing ever shows on her face so it is hard to know how she feels or what she thinks about. in a few words, asra is distrusting, she relies on no one but herself.

everything she does is calculated and planned, spontaneity doesn’t have a place in her life. a soundless machine without a heart, sympathy and mercy can wait.  

positive: intuitive, brave, calm, wise, focused, ambitious. negative: secretive, lack of empathy, quiet, selfish, uncaring, solitary.

BACKGROUND

                                                                                           I’ll seek you out.

When he holds her in his arms, there is no love in his heart, no compassion. Under his roof, she brings nothing but sadness. She turns his existence into an endless winter as if the sun will never rise again, the little girl crying because of a nightmare is nothing but a heavy weight on his shoulders. Sometimes, he thinks about choking her but the minute his large hand is around her throat, he finds himself unable to finish her. Tired eyes lands on her frail body, they are alone in this world. He has nothing, no one but her. There is another child, he knows, but that one has another fate. Oh, Asra, forgive this foolish father.

Her words are as poisonous as her cries once were. He feels nothing when he looks at her, her wide eyes are empty the same way his heart is. Children are supposed to be happy, curious and adventurous but Asra isn’t like this. She is silent, patient and detached from this world yet, flowers make her smile, a smile so bright it would put the moon to shame. The other child looks at her often, she knows it. She has no one but him. A gloomy grace emanates from her, the same mysterious charm that belonged to her. How could he live in peace if she is nothing but a memory to him? The boy, too, looks like their mother, but the bruises on his face make him look closer to death. Their father sees her in the children she gave him, he’s cursed.

A new woman tries to knock some sense into his life but he knows it’s useless, the child lives to ruin him. No one can free him from his nightmare. Asra calls him father even when he tells her she isn’t human. His words are harsh, it hurts her. She seeks out his love but in his house, all she meets is torment. She can’t rely on the boy, if she speaks, he gets hit. Her face doesn’t break anymore, her eyes aren’t wet anymore. He raised a little girl and, now, she has to grow up.  

                                                                             Our youth is running out.

Another scream can be heard from the house, it’s burning down, turning into ashes. Asra is lost, the show in front of her eyes happened so quickly, she is unable to remember how it all started. He hides behind a tree, he knows she did it, she is like her. Unable to dissociate the livings from the deads. His lover is dancing with flames and his child did it. Where is the other one? She is the one who called someone to do it. A dark, silhouette he couldn’t describe. A body made of nothing but darkness, a shadow. Was it hers? He doesn’t know.

Nobody believes him, the crime is nothing but an accident in the eyes of his neighbors. At night, he hears her, talking to her special friends, he knows his curse became stronger with time. An abomination, a monster. He reminds her something in her mind seems dysfunctional every day, he persists and tells her people like her will never be able to live a normal life. Not in time of wars.    

They come to him, promising him they will finally release him from his living nightmare. The other one is too young, he seems “normal”. Her father learns about the institute, he asks them to fix her as if it were possible. The shadows she talks to are not hallucinations anymore, they understand what he says and agreed with everything he requests. Keep Asra away from him the same way her soul is away from herself. At her age, she should be worried about making friends, she should ask for sweets. Instead, the little girl keeps her distance. She acts like humans owe her their lives and, he is scared it’s true.

                                                                                           Changing lanes.

Persephone. She learns her name, writes it every time a pen is in her hand. Books too heavy for her tell her more about her mother, the one who ruled over two kingdoms. The livings cherished her while the deads begged for mercy. She admires her, loves her. Oh, Asra wants to be like her mother for she is so full of love yet she so full of terror. A goddess who should be feared even in a world where gods no longer mattered. They promise her they will make her like her mother and she believes them. The little girl will bring death to this life, she will turn white petals into red ones, painting them with the blood of her enemies. It’s her destiny, they tell her and she agrees. Her mother was full of love but there isn’t time for love when war crushes your dreams and hopes. Alive or dead, there is no limit between their world and the underworld.

The bright smile she once had disappears as her expression becomes uninterested. Nobody is allowed to waste her time, her shadow ready to scared them until their hearts give up. Years pass and Asra becomes merciless, selfish. The lost girl transforms into a soldier, her lack of emotions makes her stronger. Once there was a time she would beg for her father to love her, now, she laughs when they talk about love. A weakness. Her interest lies on a new gadget, they call it masks, some sort of help for them to become stronger, a useful weapon on the battlefield. They don’t need love, they need strength. Asra will be invincible, she will live to remind her dear father her existence matters. They will bow to her, imploring her to let them live.

                                                                                         Lost frequencies.

At first, it was curiosity that tickled her, made her wonder who was that girl. An uncommon hair color, hazel eyes and red lips. She blamed loneliness, too. The young woman was, unlike her, full of life and joy despite the place they were living in. Maybe it was because she joined late, maybe Asra saw too many of her boring roommates die. She didn’t know. At sixteen, you don’t really care about the what ifs. Oh no, she cared about the sweet words the other whispered to her, her soft eyes looking at her, only her. Death’s daughter never met someone like her.

It is all in the past now, her body rests silently in Asra’s arms, blood slowly falling from the wound she created. They failed her, the mask fooled her. For a second, her lover was the enemy and, for a skilled soldier, a second was more than enough. In her ears, she can still hear her voice, begging her not to shoot, screaming her name to bring her back to reality. Too late.

Water rinses off the red stains on her clothes and her skin, hiding the tears she kept for too long. Her mother never made a mistake like this, she repeats to herself. But Asra knows she isn’t like her mother, she doesn’t know love. A soldier needs a heart of steel to stay alive. She makes her choice, her loyalty belongs to herself and no one else. “It was a mistake a little girl made but, oh mother, look at me, I am no longer a child. It’s time I become the queen.”

[osiathletes-blog]

WORKING WITH OUR FEAR

By Michael Smith, Program Director & C.O.O.

If you’ve spent any time around us as coaches, you know we like to talk about optimal experience, or what is commonly referred to as “flow”. Understanding this concept can have a profound impact on our approach to outdoor sport and our entire lives. The truth though, is that concepts like this often feel like they fail us when facing the reality of an experience. In other words, it’s great to think about being in our sweet spot for learning, but then the moment comes and you’re actually frustrated, bored, or scared and it can feel really helpless.

This week we want to go from concept to action and start sharing some ideas for tips and tools that can help you find your flow. Specifically, in this post we want to look at what we can do when we are beyond “flow” and into the realm of fear and anxiety. Before we do it’s worth understanding a little more about the learning process.

Learning is a neurological process, and without getting bogged down in the science, it’s important to understand that information tied to a strong emotion creates stronger learning. A strong emotional stimulus releases a flood of neurotransmitters and the result is that synapses fire faster and make it easier to commit things to long term memory. Too strong an emotion, like when we cross from flow into fear, and stress hormones take over, ultimately inhibiting learning and even damaging neurological structures.  So a learning environment that is too stressful isn’t just creating a negative experience, it’s actually working against us.

How do we know if we are “freaking out”?

Before we go any further it’s worth taking a moment to talk about how we know if we’re scared. That seems obvious right? Not always…

Observe - First, it sounds simple but we need to pay attention. Not always, but often we display obvious signs of stress without being aware of it. Perhaps we become very talkative, or very quiet. We might start asking a bunch of questions in an attempt to relieve our growing anxiety, or we might check out. Simply paying attention to our breath can tell us a lot about how we’re actually feeling. Are our breaths suddenly shorter and shallower? Are we maybe not even breathing at all? These are natural signs of stress or even anxiety from our nervous system that we might not even be aware of.

The trick here is that being scared, especially in a new environment, can often present as something else such as indifference, agitation, or feeling sick. This is because we might not have any context for what we’re experiencing, so it gets replaced with something we do know. When it comes to outdoor sport, not everyone is familiar with what it’s like to try something that feels scary. Biking

through the woods, paddling a rapid, or skiing down a hill can carry with it a sense of physical threat that in our typically-comfortable lives we just don’t regularly experience. So the sudden onset stomach ache can feel like a real physical stomach ache to us, but the cause may be emotional.

Check In With Yourself - Second, it’s okay to ask ourselves if we’re feeling nervous, anxious, or scared. Taking a moment to develop some self-awareness can be hugely beneficial.

Of course it’s also possible that we know we’re scared, especially if we’re petrified or in tears. Obviously we’d love to avoid this, and like to think we wouldn’t ever be in that place. The reality is, though, that we are complex creatures and we don’t always know what is going to set us off. Sometimes we can hide our feelings, even from ourselves, until it just bubbles over. We may think we’re 100% okay, only to later realize that just showing up that day had us near redline.

I can still vividly recall going to my first swimming lessons as a little kid. I was scared to death, and would be almost petrified with fear just sitting in the car on the way to the pool. The instructor literally had to coax me out from behind the bleachers on the pool deck. So while I’m sure his progression of skills was totally appropriate, just being near the water had me too scared to function at first.

(I’m happy to report, by the way, that I got over my fear of the pool and the water…but I’m still a lousy swimmer.)

How can we help ourselves when we’re scared?

Okay so we’ve got some tools to help us be more vigilant about our emotional state, but despite our best efforts and awareness we find ourselves scared. Now what?

Own It – First and foremost, it’s incredibly helpful just to acknowledge what we are feeling, and make it okay. Fear is one of those emotions that we tend to work really hard to avoid, and understandably so. With fear can also come an unnecessary feeling of shame or embarrassment. We can unintentionally reinforce those feelings when we’re told “you don’t need to be afraid”, as if being afraid is wrong. Instead I like to talk openly about fear, and identify when I feel scared, and how much fear can be functional, even useful, versus debilitating. The reality is that fear is a tool we can use, but first we have to welcome it and understand it, not try to stuff it away. I try to avoid telling people what they should and shouldn’t find scary as a way to put them at ease, and instead help them identify what they do and don’t find scary and why.

Change the Environment – In our formula for flow, it takes matching opportunity with capacity, or another way to think of it, matching environment with skill. You’ve probably heard the example of a pro skier getting bored on the bunny slope, and a novice getting terrified on a double black diamond trail. If we’re dealing with later, one of the easiest things we can do is seek out a mellower environment. You might think you picked the perfect place to work on downhill step turns on XC skis,

but maybe any amount of downhill is too much for where you’re at. Can you take it back to the flats and start there?

Simplify the Task – Alternatively can you make the task easier at first? Maybe that downhill is what you need, but you should start by sliding with parallel skis, or even sliding on your butt, before trying to step around a corner.

With whitewater kayaking, one of the ways I often simplify the task for someone who is feeling fear is by taking away the paddle and just having them float downstream. You might think that would increase anxiety for someone, and it might if the environment isn’t right. The goal though is to bring them back to basics, in this case just focus on taking calm breaths and looking around. The paddle can be a place where new paddlers focus energy and anxiety and in turn make things harder for themselves. By removing it, I’ve simplified what they need to focus on, and in turn it helps them actually find more comfort in the environment. It’s worth noting, though, to do this requires making sure we’ve selected the right environment where a person can just float in the current. If we haven’t, we’ll need to revisit the previous concept above.

Remember, You Have a Choice – Few things can make us feel more scared and anxious than feeling like we have absolutely no control. If we’re in the red zone it might be helpful to remember that we have a choice. We don’t have to do the thing we’re attempting right at this moment. There’s power in choice, and reminding ourselves about that can help us make the choice to step back, or make the choice to recommit and work past our fear in that moment.

Take a Break and Come Back Later – As stated earlier, learning is neurological. And neurological processes take energy and can be exhausting. Add in strong emotions and we can get incredibly fatigued. Sometimes the best thing to do is decrease the dosage and give ourselves more time to get comfortable with what we’re experiencing.

What Not To Do?

This discussion wouldn’t be complete without mentioning some of the approaches to working with fear that should be avoided.

Operate Scared – We’re all familiar with the classic Hollywood storyline of someone overcoming their fear and discovering a personal sense of strength and power. We may want this for ourselves, but the problem is that desire of ours can obscure what we actually need to be successful. We might know there’s positive benefit on the other side of the fear we are feeling, but forcing ourselves to do something when we can’t focus and perform well isn’t the answer.  All this does is reinforce a physical and emotional pattern where we equate being freaked out with performing. Instead we want to be able to focus and relax to find our best performance.

I might be nervous looking at a line I’m about to paddle, ski, or bike, but those nerves should fade away the moment I make my first move. If they don’t, I’m dealing with too much fear, and it’s not a productive space to improve in.  This is a difficult yet critical lesson to learn as we progress as athletes.

Do It For The Social Media Post – This goes right along with operating scared. It’s worth mentioning though that the boost of energy or motivation you might get from thinking about how cool something will look online doesn’t actually override your fear. So again, if you can’t find focus and relax into the task you’re performing, you’re not reinforcing a physical and emotional pattern that will help you improve. And no amount of likes or comments is going to help you perform the way you want.

Don’t Give Up On Yourself – If you spend enough time learning outdoor sports, eventually you’ll experience fear and anxiety, and struggle to work through it. Sometimes despite our best efforts, even with all the approaches outlined in this piece, it can feel like we’re hitting our heads against a brick wall. It’s easy to think “maybe this sport isn’t for me”.  The reality is you might not decide to pursue every sport you try, and you don’t need to. The most important thing we can do for ourselves though, is to be honest about where we’re at, be patient with our progress, and be okay with stepping down a notch or two if we’re dealing with too much fear.

It’s easy to be freaked out about an activity and decide we won’t go far with it. The real fun starts, though, when we discover our fear and lean into it.

[atomiccrusadeperfection]

The Rainbow Lumite

Continuation of the Prologue posted earlier on my blog

Chapter 1

“So, this is the sealed girl our elders talked about? They said she was sealed in a rock,” Bacbouc said, as him and his fellow explorers, who were sent out by Tethu to gather materials, observed the glowing ancient rock that was the size and shape of a seedling in seed form.

“Well, then, let’s hurry and get it to our chief! I’ll carry it,” Ida said, picking the surprisingly light stone up. She felt an extreme wave of relief and happiness once she did pick it up and put it in a satchel she had brought with her to gather materials.

“We’ll defend you, Ida. Just try not to get ahead too far, okay? Who knows what the girl could do?” Yahya said, looking at Ida’s bag, which was now glowing.

“I remember the Drauk Elder saying something about rainbows and the ultimate white light… But, people were asking too many questions about how she looked, so I didn’t get a chance to ask what she does,” Ida said as the crew finished gathering materials and left the abandoned Catacombs.

“We had a meeting like that, too. The Lagora Elder would tell us stories if we voted on one. I can tell you one of the stories!” Bacbouc cried.

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to take a break,” Yahya said, sitting down. Ida sat down and placed her bag aside.

Bacbouc sat down and started his story, “Once upon a time, the desert once used to be covered with oases, as far as the eye could see. This very cave used to be a secret underground oasis protected by the ultimate white light, emitted by a young goddess named Ever. In that oasis, the chief and elders of each tribe worked together with her to create a beautiful underground oasis, inhabited by a large number of people, even Chaos itself.”

“What?!” Ida cried. Yahya looked at Ida’s bag again and shivered.

Bacbouc continued, “But the negativity throughout the desert above ground became so intense, Chaos finally snapped and began attacking oasis after oasis above ground until he was strong enough to consume the ultimate white light. But she was sealed away before any crucial damage was applied to her, so he went on a rampage, promising to destroy all life forms roaming around the desert until he ultimately forgot she existed. Our elder said that ultimate white light was a mix between a water spirit, a seedling and a little bit of darkness. Thus, she made the first great tree above ground and assigned Thoth and a water spirit to it, creating the oases.”

“I see… So, she is the true creator of the oases. But why hide her? Couldn’t she go against the chaos?” Ida asked.

“I asked the elder that. She said that the ultimate white light is essential to soothing Chaos because that was her job, but he was getting too out of control for such a small girl. She didn’t even know the full English alphabet yet! She only spoke in ancient tongues nobody could understand but Chaos. Just knowing that Chaos was willing to kill a little girl...”

“Oh god…,” Yahya said, shaking his head.

“That’s a little rude, so to speak,” Ida replied.

“Yup. I also asked how to free her, and the elder said that you have to say a very specific prayer. We could try it now, ya know!” Bacbouc cried, excited.

Ida pulled out the stone and placed it in front of Bacbouc. Bacbouc put his hands together and bowed his head.

“Oh dear goddess, oh young goddess, come to your power. Oh dear goddess, oh so bright goddess, we need you in this dying hour!” Bacbouc cried.

The stone began to shine brightly. Streams of tiny rainbows swirled around the stone until the light faded, revealing a seedling in a white and gold dress, a crown and several gold bracelets. Lastly, was her face, in which her eyes were closed, but more importantly was the fact that on the left side of her face was cream colored skin, while on the right side was a pale purple. The same stood for her arms and legs.

The young seedling girl opened her eyes and almost immediately starting forming something from white light until she finally finished it within three minutes. She had formed a lumite that was mostly white but was covered in rainbows at a harder glance.

“Wow…,” Bacbouc amused. The girl looked at him and gasped. He jumped in fear.

“You’re so cute!” she cried, hugging Bacbouc. Bacbouc gave her a confused look and scratched his head.

“I guess she likes cute things?” Yahya said, confused. The girl stopped hugging Bacbouc and looked around.

“So Chaos did destroy everything… Well, at least I’m free now so that I can fix this place up. Care to join?” the girl asked.

“Um… How do we join?” Bacbouc asked.

“Just follow me, of course! To the center of my great oasis!” the girl enthusiastically cried.

“But we aren’t chiefs…,” Ida replied.

The girl started walking towards the middle of the abandoned city, saying, “I need either a child of the great tree or one person from each of the three tribes.”

“Ok…,” Yahya said, a little scared.

The group followed the girl, who was somehow skipping and keeping the Rainbow Lumite perfectly balanced upon her index finger at the same time. They eventually got to a large empty spring that was way too deep to even be called a spring. She grabbed Bacbouc’s hand, who grabbed Ida’s hand. Ida then grabbed Yahya’s hand.

The girl lead them to the middle of the lake, where the dried out spirit shrine was. As they made their way there, the lake suddenly began to fill up with water. Once it was full, the group made it to the spirit shrine, which was now reforming once again and surging power into the dead great tree above it.

The great tree began to straighten up as the group waited for the shrine to finish forming. Shrine began to be swirled with gold and the water began to glow brightly. Lastly was the sideways rainbow the tree emitted, being formed as a rainbow circled the outside of the lake. Finally, they entered the shrine.

The group joined the line they formed into a circle. They focused their energy and began to create a colorful ball in the middle of their circle. Sparkles swirled around them as they began to float in midair, mist filling the shrine. The great tree then, after absorbing their energy, burst with a flash of light and restored the entire oasis to its former glory, even reverting certain corpses and dead bodies back to their alive state.

“Finally, I can feel my subjects’ happiness again…,” the girl said, closing her eyes and spreading her arms, letting the mist of the shrine fall upon her, “Go, enjoy our luxuries as I fix the place up a little more. I’m sure my people are willing to trade with you.”

The group looked at each other and left, walking along the branch extending from the shrine, followed by a long pathway of lilypads. Beyond the pathway though was the rainbow outlining the lake, and was a ton of Seedlings, Noots, Lagora, Drauk and Serkah just waiting for them. They started to cheer upon seeing the group.

“It’s the kind souls who freed our goddess! We’re saved!” a Seedling cried. Everyone cheered louder as the group left the lake and stood in front of them.

“Alright, everybody! Settle down!” another Seedling cried, pushing everyone aside to get in front of them, only this one looked as if he was a chief…

“We all humbly thank you three kind creatures for freeing our goddess, truly. We are in your debt,” the seedling continued, “Please, if there is anything you may need, we are willing to help.”

“Well, we’re trying to make our oasis Chaos proof,” Yahya said.

“Is that so? Well, I shall consult with Ever. In the meantime, please enjoy our oasis! Oh, and if you are wondering, I am indeed the chief. Everyone, let’s help fix this place up!” the chief said.

The large crowd immediately disbanded and began fixing their Bloom Booths, sweeping the roads, fixing up swings and tending to the farming fields, which put the garden back at their oasis to utter shame.

After walking around and watching all this go on, the group finally realized that the cave’s ceiling had suddenly turned transparent so they could see the sky from down here. There were even clocks on every street, and each street was made of bricks, something hard to come by. Even more interesting was the barns that were even rarer, where they raised creatures and harvested their materials.

“Wow… This oasis puts ours to shame in every way…,” Yahya said.

“Well, at least Tethu is trying his best,” Ida said.

“I never knew that this cave would look so majestic after being restored. Plus, this great tree has the power to bring people back to life!” Bacbouc cried.

“We have to tell Tethu, immediately!” Ida cried.

Yahya tapped her shoulder and reminded, “We still have one more day, let’s just spend the night here. After all, this is a nice oasis… Is that a hospital?! And look at the size of that hotel! It’s so big!”

“Holy seeds! That hotel must serve their guests well! I gotta go in there!” Bacbouc cried.

“Well, let’s go, then!” Ida cried. The group rushed off to the hotel.

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“Feed this thing Chaos? That’s it?” Aronbesh said. Sheut nodded.

“Oh, ok, boss. Oh, by the way, did you see a cave near the entrance of the Kalari Woodsea light up, too?” Aronbesh added.

“What are you speaking of?” Sheut asked.

“This cave, we walked past, it lit up all of the sudden then faded. I felt some kind of immense power coming from it, like, an oasis. You felt it, too, didn’t you?” Aronbesh explained.

Sheut looked down in thought and said, “Hm… Yes, yes I did… Change of plans. Once I form the Black Lumite, I want you to show me which cave you speak of.”

“You got it, boss!” Aronbesh cried, starting to corrupt the Chaos Kelp with Chaos

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“Mm… This food is delicious! I love how they use fire and some smelted metal objects to cook food! Seedlings are genius’!” Ida cried, stuffing her face with BBQ corn and smoked peppers.

“The Serkah do that too, but yeah, seedlings are still genius’,” Yahya said. Bacbouc was about to say something until the Chief came up to them.

“Ever has agreed to help protect your oasis. She says to bring this crystal to your water spirit. But you must promise if you oasis is covered in Chaos, that you do not give it to your water spirit until your chief comes back from his trip and clears the chaos,” the chief said. Ida took the crystal wrapped in red, silky cloth, tied together by a tough vine.

“We understand, but may we ask, is there something going to happen?” Yahya asked.

“Yes, but I am not allowed to tell you. Just keep this crystal in this cloth and do not open it until the chaos is cleared,” the chief said. The group nodded as he began to leave.

“Wait, what’s your name!?” Bacbouc cried.

“I can’t tell you. I don’t trust you yet,” the chief replied, leaving the hotel’s dining room. The group looked at each other, shrugged and then went back to eating.

Eventually, after eating, the crew packed their stuff and began to leave, getting some materials and goodbyes from almost everybody there. Once outside the cave, though, Chaos was brewing everywhere.

“Holy moly!” Yahya cried, shivering.

“Come on, now! We can’t let it scare us! Let’s run past them with our haul!” Bacbouc cried. Ida nodded in agreement while Yahya groaned.

The three ran past all the monsters, who proceeded to chase them, and made it to the cave containing the Forgotten Forest. Upon arriving, they ran into Tethu and his two crew buddies, Sol and Isa.

“Woah, hi guys!” Isa cried. The three jumped and started to panic until they realized that it was their chief.

“Oh… You gave me a heart attack… On the way here, it wasn’t covered in Chaos… And we done went the wrong way…,” Ida panted.

Yahya collapsed to the ground to sleep. Bacbouc rolled his eyes and sat down. Ida did the same, followed by Tethu’s team.

“You can go on ahead. We don’t want to slow you down from getting that next Lumite,” Ida said.

“I refuse to let you stay here. There could be monsters coming in at any moment!” Tethu replied.

“That’s true…,” Bacbouc said.

“We just need to get back to the Oasis,” Ida replied.

“Hm… Then I’ll make an Aqua Gate real quick. Just to make sure you guys are safe,” Tethu declared, summoning an orb of water. Everyone was submerged in balls of glowing water. Once the water disappeared, they appeared safely in their oasis.

“Alright, time to go hide- I mean buy a bunch of stuff I like!” Ida said, smiling innocently. Tethu looked at her in confusion as Isa and Sol rose a brow.

“Hide what?”  Sol asked.

“Nothing! I can’t show you until the chaos is cleared!” Yahya said.

“Oh, okay,” Tethu replied as he opened the aqua gate again and went back to the cave with Isa and Sol. Ida sighed as Bacbouc looked around.

“So we just hide this until chief comes back with the Lumite and clears the chaos?” Ida asked.

“Hide what, I may ask?” Sharkuro asked from his booth.

“It’s a crystal. I dunno what it’ll do, but it's supposed to go to the water spirit once Tethu comes back with the Lumite and clears the Chaos,” Ida said, walking over to the booth with Bacbouc and Yahya.

“May I have a peek?” Sharkuro asked. Ida pulled aside a bit of the cloth, revealing a shiny crystal that was rainbow colored. It had a soft, calming glow to it, and was warm, due to the cloth.

“Oh my god… Sis, look!” Sharkuro cried. Jamelia came over to her older brother’s booth.

“Is it really… The rainbow shard? Only Ever can make those…” she murmured.

“How do you know Ever?” Bacbouc asked.

“Our ancestors lived in her oasis until the big war under there. Then they had to leave and be a part of the oasis. It was sad, hearing the stories, but if you got this… Jamelia, we could go see our ancestors! Maybe even our parents!” Sharkuro cried. Jamelia jumped for joy.

“Where is it, Ida?” Sharuko asked, eager to know.

“It’s in a cave in the Kalari Woodsea, but the-,” Ida started.

“The Chaos, I know. Just please, if you ever go back, take us with you!” Sharkuro begged.

Bacbouc nodded and replied, “Sure! Anything for second management!”

“What?” Sharkuro asked.

“Aren’t you? You manage the oasis when Tethu’s away…,” Yahya reasoned.

“Oh, that makes sense. If you want me to hide it, I will. Just come to me when Tethu comes back,” Sharkuro replied.

“Can’t you give it to him?” Bacbouc asked.

“He’ll probably be rushing to the water spirit once he gets back, I bet. We can wait for him to finish if you want,” Sharuko replied.

“Sure, do that. We need to be told when he comes, though,” Ida reasoned. Sharuko nodded and watched as the three left to the residential part of the Oasis. The Chief was never seen in the residential area, so if anyone needed help, they’d come out of the residential area.

“I’ll see you guys later! I have to go back and drop off our materials we gathered to Sharuko!” Ida cried. Bacbouc and Yahya waved her goodbye as they went to their respective houses.

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Seipha and Saluru sat in a circle around a purple and black flame, waiting for their boss and Aronbesh to come back. Once they did, the two joined them in the circle.

“So, you’re going to the oasis, boss?” Aronbesh asked.

“Yes, but before entering the Forgotten Forest, I saw something. Something that might just be stronger than the Black Lumite…,” Sheut said in thought.

Seipha added, “You mean that small exploration team that was scrambling all over the Kalari Woodsea? I saw them holding something that was glowing in a cloth. It wasn’t that bright, but it was bright enough to see it.”

“Yeah. But that glowing only showed for a split second. You had to be paying some serious attention to even get a glimpse! You sure you saw that?!” Saluru cried.

“I was! Those idiots were running around, screaming like little babies! I couldn’t ignore that clear source of entertainment!” Seipha argued back.

“True…,” Saluru said.

“What shape was it, since you were paying close attention to the ‘entertainment’,” Sheut asked, clearly upset that Seipha admitted that she was slacking off.

“It looked like a shard, as if it was a lumite…,” Seipha said.

“A shard, hm? Interesting…,” Sheut said. He looked like he was changing plans, so now was the time for the three to chat.

“Why didn’t you, ya know, follow them? They could’ve found something very powerful!” Aronbesh said.

“We followed them, but they were scrambling so fast, we lost them within a turn of a corner!” Saluru said.

“They would’ve been able to run straight past you then!” Aronbesh reasoned.

“What he means to say was that they turned a corner and then boom. Gone,” Seipha said.

“Must’ve rushed into a cave,” Aronbesh said.

“We checked all of them, you know. They probably teleported back to their oasis,” Seipha replied.

“That’s possible,” Saluru agreed.

“Silence,” Sheut hissed. The three turned their attention to their boss.

“I have a change of plans. I will go to the oasis and form the black lumite, but you three will come with me and look for that shard. If that shard is what I think it is, I could destroy the oasis all in that single day,” Sheut, chuckling evilly afterward.

“That’s a fantastic plan!” Seipha exclaimed.

“Yeah, boss! When do we go?” Aronbesh asked.

“We should go in a few minutes, but I suggest we go now. It would be better for us, time-wise,” Sheut replied, standing up from the circle they formed around the purple fire.

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Ida had engaged into a conversation with Sharkuro about the underground oasis later in the day. He told her everything he knew, from the oasis’ capacity to the inventions that never came above the surface.

“Even though I’ve only been there when I was a baby, the visual images of the oasis never exited my mind… I always wanted to see it again,” Sharkuro replied, daydreaming about how glorious the underground oasis looked.

“It is truly a glorious oasis. Before Ever restored it, it looked like garbage. No offense to her, but whatever Chaos did to it…,” Ida replied. Shakuro looked down.

“It’s still bizarre to me, how Chaos used to live in the oasis… I wish I could ask Ever how he was in that oasis…,” Sharkuro replied.

Ida’s bag started vibrating. Ida reached into it and pulled out the clothed rainbow shard. She uncovered it slightly, reveal a projection of Ever’s face.

“Ever?!” Ida exclaimed. Sharkuro quickly followed her gaze and gasped.

“Hello! I wanted to see if I could communicate with you, and it works, so… Oh, who’s that?” Ever said.

“He said he came from your oasis,” Ida informed.

“So there were survivors, too… I recognize you! Sharkuro, correct?”

“Yes, it’s me!” Sharkuro replied with excitement.

“Oh, yes, you’re the one I used to babysit for the chief with your sister! Gosh, you’re grown up now, aren’t you?”

“I guess…,” Sharkuro replied, scratching the back of his head.

“Oh, man, I almost forgot! I looked into the mere future and I saw the destruction of your oasis,” Ever explained.

“What?! How soon?!” Ida exclaimed.

“In an hour. And there’s no way to stop it,” Ever said.

“But Tethu is coming back with the Lumite!” Sharkuro cried.

“A mere rainbow shard is more powerful than all the Lumites combined. Chaos will get his hands on this shard because this oasis doesn’t contain good hiding places. Even trying to hide it outside of the oasis won’t do anything but add 30 minutes to the time limit, but I can ask you to evacuate everyone if you see suspicious characters roaming around. I will evacuate Tethu and the Water Spirit myself,” Ever explained.

“Well, can we hide it outside of the oasis while everyone has time to evacuate?” Ida suggested.

“That may work as well,” Ever replied.

“Alright! Sharkuro, tell everyone to run for the exit when suspicious characters appear! I’ll get Bacbouc and Yahya and hide this somewhere…,” Ida said while running off to the residential areas.

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Eventually, residents of the oasis had evacuated to the plaza beforehand, resulting in the plaza to be filled to the brim with seedlings, noots, Serkah, Lagora and Drauk. Ida, Yahya and Bacbouc had already left the oasis to go hide the shard while everyone simply waited to evacuate.

“So, where do we hide it? Would the Horned Cave, or maybe the Kidung Caves do?” Yahya asked. Ida though for a minute.

“Our efforts will prove futile if we hide it in the Kidung Caves. We have to hide it where monsters aren’t present. Although, I have absolutely no idea where that is. I would say the horned cave, but recently, monsters entered that too,” Bacbouc explained.

“You’re right… Ever said that no matter what, chaos will get this thing tonight, regardless of the time extension. We have only thirty minutes, too… But how? It’ll never figure out it’s here if the cloth stays on it,” Ida said.

“Maybe monsters?” Bacbouc asked.

“That could be a possibility- Holy smokes!” Yahya shouted.

A whole group of Razortooths was rushing towards the crew. The three turned towards Pottery Cave and ran off, with the feral beasts tailing behind them. After entering the caves, they passed through a door and shut themselves in an empty room. Yahya and Bacbouc panicked as the Razortooths scratched at the door.

“We’re going to DIE,” Yahya whined.

“No, we aren’t! Stay positive!” Ida shouted. The shard glowed through the cloth it was in and emitted a warm aura that calmed the two panicking friends.

“Thank you, Ever,” Ida said.

“You’re welcome. You plan seems to be working, despite the fact that I didn’t recommend it,” Ever spoke through the shard.

“Why? It seemed like the better choice,”

“Remember when I said that it MAY work? It might only work out for the people evacuating, but you guys… Chaos and his cronies will hunt you guys down, and with these monsters outside, they’ll be here in about thirty minutes. I didn’t want you guys to confront Chaos himself, but you’ll have to deal with it. I just hope the aura on the shard is enough to ensure that Chaos spares you,” Ever explained.

“Now I have a good reason to panic!” Yahya panicked.

“I’m so scared!” Bacbouc cried, balling up into a sad but adorable ball.

“I will try my hardest, okay? I have no confidence in my ability to soothe him, since he’s been raging for a century, but I am confident that you will live, regardless,” Ever said.

“Ok…,” Ida said, sure enough, that her confidence was at an all-time low right now.

“Shall I emit more soothing remedies?” Ever asked. The crew nodded. The shard started emitting the warm aura again. The three, within minutes, fell asleep.

The ground shook. The door began to crack. Ida, Bacbouc and Yahya woke up from their short naps and came to the realization that Chaos was here.

“Quickly! Uncover the shard!” Ever exclaimed. Ida grabbed the shard from beside her and pulled the cloth off of it. The light of the shard brightly illuminated the entire room, blinding the three from seeing the wall crumble. The shard previously wasn’t THIS bright.

“Ah! My eyes!” Aronbesh shouted.

“It burns!” Saluru cried, tears welling up in his eyes.

“It wasn’t this bright when I first saw it!” Seipha exclaimed.

The three wiped their eyes several times before finally being able to see through the bright light. There was a dark lagora, a dark drauk, and a dark serkah standing at the newly made hole in the wall, wiping their eyes. The Razortooth were gone, most likely because they couldn’t handle the light either. Most importantly, there was a dark seedling, who just happened to be in front of Ida. He held his hand out. Ida gave the shard to him.

“Ever must’ve told you to be submissive,” he chuckled, poofing the shard out of physical existence, “At least she’s making things easier for the both of us. Now begone before I kill all three of you.”

Ida, Yahya and Bacbouc rushed out of the little room and straight out of pottery cave. They continued to run until the reached the entrance of Bahar Hill, where they stopped to rest. The ground began to shake violently.

Despite being in Bahar Hill, the three witnessed the great tree being killed before their eyes. The heartbreaking sight of watching their home get demolished tore them apart, but they got themselves together and pressed on, still not knowing if any of the residents escaped or not.

[mangrovesaltswamp]

Coming to terms with so much.... The fact that I’m pretty sure I’m actually living with avoidant personality disorder and that Flint’s been the one with the borderline symptoms this whole time, and then recognizing the fact I probably do have obsessive compulsive on top of everything else despite the fact I’d dropped that consideration months ago

when I look at the repeated problems I’ve had, everything boils down to either: 

1) I could not bring myself to speak up when I needed to so when I finally did react in a firm way, it came across as too sudden and more upset than I otherwise would have. Generally letting people push me until I snap because I think that’s what I deserve. Acting in a way that allows me to be a punching bag for others until I can’t take it anymore.

2) Being unwilling or unable to express even feeling “”negative”” emotions. Impulses to cover up any negative feelings toward someone with a cringe inducing, overly chipper attitude to hide the fact I’m actually super upset. Shrinking away from anger expressed towards me when I’m not expecting to receive it, normally seems to mainly occur when I’m legit caught off guard. 

3) My incessant, suffocating chase after personal perfectionism, attention to details, efficiency, along with my own mental control. It explains me being a workaholic and it explains my extreme life-long problems with interpersonal communication. Also likely related to my ritualistic actions and when those aren’t taken, feeling itchy and as something Bad™ will happen if I don’t-do-the-thing.

4) Probably also explains why it took literal years before I could break my habit of not being able to handle not posting in perfect-textbook-English-grammar because my head would scream at me wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong until I went back to make edits on my text. The resulting shame that followed when I couldn’t explain to someone why it felt like such a big deal to me.

5) My sheer inability to stay socially consistent and somewhat not wanting to do that to begin with. The fact that its taken months for me to even sorta reliably text my partners because establishing that routine with anyone scared me half to death. Being very tough-and-go with friendships, even with people I view as very important to me or close, because I automatically assume I am intruding on others by merely existing.

6) Constant, physically damaging pain when I am not under control or express myself in ways because of my emotions that I hadn’t intended. Chest palpitations, varied breathing changes, migraines, blood pressure, muscle tension, vision blurring, and so on in reaction to stress when my brain believes I haven’t performed in an acceptable manner even if nothing actually unwanted comes out of it.

7) Behavior from me revolving around the entire concept that I am inherently replaceable to others. Less of it being a fear with the emotions tied to it and more of a ever present, deep seeded acceptance. And yeah, that also does go hand-in-hand with my post traumatic stress disorder reactions. It’s honestly far more of a tired resignation than it is a fear response.

8) The fact I always crave social critique to begin with because I’m always under the impression there is a Right and a Wrong way of doing so and that I, as an individual, somehow have no authority to decide this on my own because I don’t trust my own perception of the world around me. I view other people’s opinions and experiences are carrying more weight than my own.

9) The fact I assume any and all messages, no matter who it’s from, to be a source of danger. Opening messages or social media, alerts on anywhere, creating a fear response because I’m convinced it’ll be something hurtful. Opening messages, even from people I think I trust, takes will-power energy out of me to accomplish.

10) I’ll refuse to use specific words because they “”look Wrong”” to my brain. Words that require the combining of already existing words in particular. Words like “underpin / under . pin” or “starfish / star . fish” or “windmill / wind . mill”. Certain English words are somewhat painful for me to look at for too long because of my brain’s Wrong! screaming reaction.

11) I kid you not, I’m literally willing to drive to entire other store that is miles away from convince because there’s no way I can use the Wrong! shaped hangers in my closet. Putting up clothes hangers that don’t look identical to the ones I already use would be sacrilegious, right? [insert sarcastic tone here]

12) My unwillingness to discard broken, old, or worn out items because my brain tells me I might need it again someday. Old sneakers with large enough holes at the bottom that I can wiggle three fingers in it? Still own it for some reason. English and math papers from school back when we were only around fourth grade? Obviously I need to keep that! What if I want to go back to study it later, I say. Cords from electronic chargers that I’ve already proven are broken and of no use to me? Still taking up space on bedroom floor. It’s absurd and I couldn’t even see that for the longest damn time.

Also, boy howdey, if this entire paragraphs isn’t me crystallized in text form:

“Perception of one's own and others' actions and beliefs tend to be polarised[citation needed] into "right" or "wrong", with little or no margin between the two. For people with this disorder, rigidity could place strain on interpersonal relationships, with occasional frustration turning into anger and even varying degrees of violence. This is known as disinhibition.[8] People with OCPD often tend to general pessimism and/or underlying form(s) of depression.[9][10][11]This can at times become so serious that suicide is a risk.[12] Indeed, one study suggests that personality disorders are a substrate to psychiatric morbidity. They may cause more problems in functioning than a major depressive episode.[13]“

along with,

“Millon's subtypesTheodore Millon identified five subtypes of the compulsive personality (2004).[15][16] Any compulsive personality may exhibit one or more of the following:Conscientious: (Including dependent features) Rule-bound and duty-bound; earnest, hardworking, meticulous, painstaking; indecisive, inflexible; marked self-doubts; dreads errors and mistakes.”

plus there’s,

“OCPD is characterized by eight behavioral or personality traits: rigidity and stubbornness, perfectionism that interferes with task completion, hypermorality and scrupulosity, overattention to detail, miserliness, an inability to discard worn or useless items, excessive devotion to work, and an inability to delegate tasks (APA, 2013). When recast in the alternative model of the DSM-5 as self and other-oriented, these were noted to reflect: difficulties in identity (sense of self derived predominantly from work or productivity; constricted experience and expression of strong emotions), self-direction (difficulty completing tasks and realizing goals, associated with rigid and unreasonably high and inflexible internal standards of behavior; overly conscientious and moralistic attitudes); along with difficulties in empathy (understanding others) and intimacy (work and rigidity interfering with relationships); accompanied by personality traits of rigid perfectionism (must be present), perseveration, intimacy avoidance, and restricted affectivity.”

[jammixes-blog]

Lost But Not Lost, Stolen But Never Stolen.

Since I'm butt-naked, and transparent, with my consent and awareness that you think I am not aware of, I’ll give it as it comes to me, might it be Roses, Carnations, Sunflowers, Tulips, or Lotuses. Let me tell you, because I feel the need to, ego and all, in a free package, I make a fuss about material possessions for Fairness. I don’t get fucked on principles that drive my life. I might die with regrets, but, never shame. I don’t bulge with my principles. Period. Otherwise, what I refuse to lose is my soul. Steal all my mixes and paintings, but don’t try to touch my motivation to go forward and create more. And, if you start affecting my Mamma or Papa, in a negative way, the hermit crab that I am will use its claws on you, until...even a tweeting twat, on a high branch, tries desperately to get back up, on its chopped ka ka kon legs. I don’t try to be merciless, but I take pride in being thorough. If the evil idiot hasn’t tapped on the tatami three times, I'll keep on pounding him. After all, that’s what he wanted to do to me, as an archetype of the illegal immigrant. He is the descendant of desperate immigrants, himself, with a high probability that they were criminals. I’m 50% wrong, should I take the odds, Bill? No, I won’t. But, they definitely weren’t enlightened members of the society they had to leave, for desperate and survival reasons. His Dad was a gangster, who got rich, by bullying, scamming, racketeering, and pledging allegiance to the Ka Ka Son and other self-proclaimed racist losers. The current US leader and his Vice, are heirs to such a hateful lore. Hence, 1 tight slap to the Pestilence, and 1 tight slap, to his Vice, with a White Glove, on the Left Cheek of these evil idiots. I wouldn’t waste time kicking their asses, too easy, and not worthy of a real Gentleman, Knight or not...

I don’t think I’m alone when I say: “As a son who loves his Mamma, Papa, and little Brother, I’ll kick the ass of the US President and his Vice, as well as Silicon Valley, if they even try to piss on them.”. Who will disagree with me? Which loving son and big brother lets anyone fuck with his family, on his account, without reacting. My little brother knows, if you fuck with me, unfairly “Retribution will be Terrible, a thousand times worst than the damage you’ve done.”. Ask him, he doesn’t fuck with me, if it’s unfair, every time, I’ve kept my promise...with him crying for his unrecognizable bedroom, for daring throw something from my desk on the floor. Fairness is priceless, that way. Asking for the Pestilence, and his Vice, to be kicked out, for months, is the fighting back of a Good Genius who figured out some of the shit. I am flattered to help Americans, but surprised that I am the 1 doing it. Apparently, i am the defender of the New Atlantis. Why not. i was born on the day of the most important Revolution in our civilization, after all. It sounds crazy for people born on Toilet Day, I empathize with them, as long as we pull the flush...on their evil ego. I spent 42 years using metaphors and characters to share my visual and artistic perception of the world. At 43, with the family situation I go through, by myself, since nobody thinks I know the truth, or figured it out, I have no veil that I don’t want to remove, accepting, and wanting to be naked, in Truth, like ISIS, the Egyptian Archetype, Mother and Goddess to Humankind’s Consciousness. I’ll keep being honest, the last sentence was poetic liberty. My point is, the CIA and Silicon Valley didn’t think through their new Global Terrorist Virus. They slacked on Marketing and Advertising funds, high on the success of “Al-Quaida” and the “Twin Tower Bombing”. They are not getting away with “Isis”, the evil stupid sons of bitches. That’s a Canadian writing, from T.O, aka T Dot. Dot. The last 1 is from me, to complement the 1 Dot, after T. I feel home, in my country, my city, with which I have a long-ass relationship, a lover I get back with, a decade later, “uncomfortable”, to say the least. But, there is a prospect of good sex. Therefore, or, for that reason, or, that’s why, moron, I ain’t scared of Americans. Plus, I am proud of my leader, genuinly, PM Justin. He’s compassionate, chilled, subtle, and an all-around Gentleman. No one in Canada can say anything bad about him. What about your leader? Does he have a Glorious set of natural hair?

I’ve never been ashamed of getting older. I barely know what it means. i just feel, with the years, that there are younger generations I have to be be tolerate with and loving. Then, I realize that I could have had adult kids, so, I feel responsible. In my 20s, my girlfriends were about a year younger, but in my 30s, they all became a decade younger. Which means that somewhere, I am very immature, and, somewhere, as a man, my age doesn’t matter as much. It’s unfair, but men don’t get ticking with a Biology Clock. The balance? Women are much more mature and responsible than men, by all means. Civilization definitely owes progress to women, in a patriarchal society. i am for every kind of society, there should be no norm, mold, or rules about it. The world is the also the playground, experimental lab, and rave of all human beings. Since when are natural life forms subject to strict “codes of conduct”... What a crazy idea. Either you are Free or you Enslaved, You cannot be Free but... Freedom is about Positive Energies, so, that means that the only things preventing Freedom are forms of Bad Vibes, like cyber-bullying, bullying, the KKK, Neo-nazi motherfuckers, CIA-fuelled terrorism, named after a Mythological Egyptian Goddess, Pestilence and its Vice, and evil idiots of all kinds, like psychologists, with a subjective ego bigger than their hearts, desperate attention seekers, mercenaries to any monster asking them to encourage Manslaughter, Murder, and be a complicit criminal in locating and watching, at all times, an Innocent human being, leaving him vulnerable and exposed to the worst abuses, and even. death. Psychology, like the USA should be ashamed of itself, apologize to the family of Innocent people they tortured, pay damages defined by a real court of REAL JUDGES, and denounce the evil corporations that hired them, to make sure, and clear their conscience, that such evil and criminal bully parasites does not have a chance again, in Humankind, to evade trillions of dollars of taxes, as well as commit atrocities no one wants her/his family to endure, especially without consent, but pure bullying and to protect the life of their dear one targeted. Seriously, either you have a fucking heart and get it, or you have no fucking heart, are bitter to the bone, and think that, because your life lacks of love, all the Innocent loving people have to pay for it, body, mind, and soul, as well as their Mum, their Dad, and their Brother. Not acceptable, in any way. Logically, if the USA creates Global Terrorism, that means that ALL Americans are Terrorists.

[lachansonceleste]

dub be good to moi: we meet french electropop star jain French singer/songwriter/producer Jain weaves together sounds from Congolese beats to Afropop, reggae and French electro, to create a universal pop sound like no other.

https://i-d.vice.com/en_gb/article/jain-interview-makeba

25-year-old Jeanne Gallous, known by her stage name Jain, is truly a citizen of the world: born in the South of France to a half-Madagascan mother and French father, the singer, songwriter and producer’s multicultural upbringing is immediately apparent in her music. Having lived in the Republic of Congo, Abu Dhabi, as well as Paris, Jain’s optimism and energy embodies the sound she has been crafting since a young age, layering a range of musical elements from around the world: Congolese beats, Afropop, French electro and reggae. When did you first start making music? I started when I was seven years old in the South of France. I was learning how to play the drums with a professor, and then in Dubai I took up an Arabic percussion called Darbuka when I was nine. I started writing my own songs when I was 16 and living in the Congo. You moved from the South of France to Dubai when you were nine years old, then to the Republic of Congo, then to Abu Dhabi and finally back to France. How would you say all of the cultures you experienced in each of these places affected your sound? All of these places have really inspired me to make music from day one and I’m certain that I may not have made music if it wasn’t for having travelled as much as I have. Music has always been my safe space, somewhere I could put everything I wanted. It’s hard as a teenager to keep moving from one country to another – you haven’t got a lot of friends, you have to be in a new high school every time. So music was always the thing I could always bring anywhere and I’ve always felt at home making it. You’ve mentioned in the past how living in Pointe-Noire in the Congo was a turning point in your creative life. Why was this? While I was living there, I had some demos that were just of guitar melodies and me singing that I really wanted to record because I was afraid I’d forget them. A friend of mine was making rap music and he introduced me to a producer called Mr Flash. Mr Flash showed me how to record myself at home, how to make beats, how to make my own home studio, all of those kinds of things. He gave me a software called Fruity Loops and with that, I put my songs on MySpace and met my producer of today who helped me with my first album. That’s how it all began for me really. You often wear a black and white collared dress while performing, what does this symbolise? It’s very important for me to have a costume on stage while performing to really separate my everyday life and my artistic life. The black and white outfit symbolises an absolute contrast. I find it funny coming on stage in that dress to then start performing electronic music, I see people’s faces and they’re sometimes surprised (laughs). When I have the dress on, I feel focused and ready to perform. When was your first introduction to electronic music? I remember when I came back to Paris at around 19, I still didn’t know about French electro and then one day I saw the duo Justice play. It was the first electronic show I’d ever watched and I was amazed – there were only two of them on stage and yet all of the crowd jumped around and danced altogether. This experience is the reason for why I incorporate electronic music in my own sound, I want to ignite the dancing instinct in people. How does your song-making process go? It really depends, sometimes it can just be a melody that I have in my head and then other times I study a track on my computer and I find a melody in it, then add lyrics to it. It really does depend, but most of all it’s important for me to have no rules about how I write music because I want to remain free to explore my way of writing. The title of your latest album Zanaka translates to child in the Malagasy language. Why did you decide to name your album this? I wrote the album between the ages of 16 and 22 and everything I touch on in the album is from my childhood – the Congo, Abu Dhabi, all of the places I lived in from a very young age. It’s my own story. It feels and sounds like a very optimistic record. Is there a specific message you’re hoping to send out to each listener? I want people to hopefully understand how universal music is and how it is one of the only things that people love around the world that rarely brings negativity. For me, music is very much about sharing optimism. It’s about dancing with your friends, being joyful. I really want listeners to feel optimistic. We don’t live in easy times today and so I just want to tell them that I’m here and if you think like me, if you feel like me, if you like music like me then anyone from all around the world is welcome. Life is too short, we have to enjoy it and that is why music is so beautiful. It can truly create a sense of solidarity and unity. Your track Heads Up stands out as particularly poignant today given the political landscapes across the world, especially with the lyrics ‘Where fear’s not a leader, where open mind is stronger, life is for lovers.’ What was the inspiration behind this? It responds to a lot of things happening these days. When I wrote it I was back in Paris, and I was scared of some of the things I saw there on an everyday basis – racism in particular. I just didn’t understand why it exists. So I just wanted to make a song about people that were feeling the same way I was, and Heads Up is that. Who are some of your icons? There are different qualities I appreciate for a number of women including my mother, Madonna, Nina Simone, Miriam Makeba and Frida Kahlo. Madonna for the way she’s not scared of anything and the way she tries new things all the time, her ability to push boundaries. Miriam for her fight and her beliefs – she fights for what she believes in while continuing to perform music all around the world, continuing to do so even when she was expelled from her own country. Nina Simone’s soul, vibe, voice, and that feeling she creates when you listen to her. Frida Kahlo because I love her work, her strong nature and most of all, her dedication to being an artist. What do you hope to inspire in others who may look to you as an inspiration? Hopefully to do what you want to do – it’s all about doing what you want to do. Being independent, working hard, being kind to yourself and not being ashamed of anything. If you’re a woman and you want to be an artist, don’t ever consider the fact you are a woman as a problem, don’t explain yourself as a female artist – you are an artist. Full stop.

Heads up for the light Where we never die Under the moonlight We’ll start our own fight

Heads up for this time Where fear’s not a leader Where open mind is stronger Life is for lovers

Heads up for the light Where we never die Under the moonlight We’ll start our own fight

Heads up for this time Where fear’s not a leader Where open mind is stronger Life is for lovers

Heads up all the way Cause it’s too late to be afraid There’s no time to rest I wanna go and see what’s next I see colors all around I try to take them one by one I try to put them on my mind I won’t forget how they are

Time for me to see how much beauty this can be If only I wasn’t so scared of how people can be It’s time for me to try to keep all of my dreams awake Away from the fear, from the hate we’ve made

Heads up for the light Where we never die Under the moonlight We’ll start our own fight

Heads up for this time Where fear’s not a leader Where open mind is stronger Life is for lovers

Heads up for the light Where we never die Under the moonlight We’ll start our own fight

Heads up for this time Where fear’s not a leader Where open mind is stronger Life is for lovers

Heads up on the road All the stars begin to glow Tearing away all the shadow Scaring us, scaring You

I wanna dance on my way home I wanna to see a brand new dawn No more shame, no more pain It’s always free to give a chance

Time for me to take all the wealth we cannot stole It’s all differences that make the richness of our soul It’s time to walk around and try to find a sound Way up near the cloud and way down in the ground

Heads up for the light Where we never die Under the moonlight We’ll start our own fight

Heads up for this time Where fear’s not a leader Where open mind is stronger Life is for lovers

Heads up for the light Where we never die Under the moonlight We’ll start our own fight

Heads up for this time Where fear’s not a leader Where open mind is stronger Life is for lovers

Let’s see for everybody now Let’s see for everybody now Let’s see for everybody now Let’s see for everybody now

Heads up for the light Where we never die Under the moonlight We’ll start our own fight

Heads up for this time Where fear’s not a leader Where open mind is stronger Life is for lovers

Heads up for the light Where we never die Under the moonlight We’ll start our own fight

Heads up for this time Where fear’s not a leader Where open mind is stronger Life is for lovers

Traduction Heads up - Jain

En avant pour la lumière Où nous ne mourons jamais Sous le clair de lune Nous entamons notre propre combat

Têtes hautes cette fois Là où la peur ne mène pas Où l'esprit ouvert est plus fort La vie est pour les amoureux

En avant pour la lumière Où nous ne mourons jamais Sous le clair de lune Nous entamons notre propre combat

Têtes hautes cette fois Là où la peur ne mène pas Où l'esprit ouvert est plus fort La vie est pour les amoureux

Têtes hautes tout le long Parce qu'il est trop tard pour être effrayé Pas le temps de se reposer Je voudrais y aller et voir ce qui suit Je vois des couleurs tout autour J'essaie de les prendre une à une J'essaie de me les mettre en tête Je n'oublierai pas ce qu'elles sont

Il est temps pour moi de voir comme beau ce peut être Si seulement je n'avais pas si peur de comment les gens peuvent être Il est temps pour moi d'essayer de garder tous mes rêves en éveil Loin de la peur, de la haine que nous avons créés

En avant pour la lumière Où nous ne mourons jamais Sous le clair de lune Nous entamons notre propre combat

Têtes hautes cette fois Là où la peur ne mène pas Où l'esprit ouvert est plus fort La vie est pour les amoureux

En avant pour la lumière Où nous ne mourons jamais Sous le clair de lune Nous entamons notre propre combat

Têtes hautes cette fois Là où la peur ne mène pas Où l'esprit ouvert est plus fort La vie est pour les amoureux

Têtes hautes sur une rangée Toutes les étoiles commencent à exploser Déchirant l'obscurité Nous effrayant, t'effrayant

Je voudrais danser en rentrant chez moi Je voudrais voir un ami en ville Plus de honte, plus de peine C'est toujours autorisé de donner une chance

Il est temps pour moi de prendre toutes les routes de l'âme africaine C'est toutes les différences qui font la richesse de notre âme Il est temps de faire un tour et essayer de trouver un son En haut, près du nuage et en bas près du sol

En avant pour la lumière Où nous ne mourons jamais Sous le clair de lune Nous entamons notre propre combat

Têtes hautes cette fois Là où la peur ne mène pas Où l'esprit ouvert est plus fort La vie est pour les amoureux

En avant pour la lumière Où nous ne mourons jamais Sous le clair de lune Nous entamons notre propre combat

Têtes hautes cette fois Là où la peur ne mène pas Où l'esprit ouvert est plus fort La vie est pour les amoureux

(x4) Que tout le monde le voit à présent

En avant pour la lumière Où nous ne mourons jamais Sous le clair de lune Nous entamons notre propre combat

Têtes hautes cette fois Là où la peur ne mène pas Où l'esprit ouvert est plus fort La vie est pour les amoureux

En avant pour la lumière Où nous ne mourons jamais Sous le clair de lune Nous entamons notre propre combat

<

p>Têtes hautes cette fois Là où la peur ne mène pas Où l'esprit ouvert est plus fort La vie est pour les amoureux>/p>

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