#all in all. deeply sad. and deeply real.
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I was initially clipping this to capture the overwhelmingly accurate, absolutely devastating hilarity of "you went for realistic, and sadly, you nailed it". And then just kept recording because I really fucking love the discussion about how to balance the line between like:
You are trying to tell a story that feels good and gives you the kind of lift you might be looking for in an explicitly fantasy story,
vs
How to ensure it still feels grounded and rewarding in a way where you can "bring this good feeling back to earth" at the end.
Like they're talking about TTRPG's but they clearly make parallels to other forms of storytelling/worldbuilding mediums, like movies, and. like. Yeah. Yeah.
Like the framing of "you really recreated the feeling of powerlessness..." and wanting the fantasy element to manifest in there being the clearer, straightforward ways to solve complex issues, vs trying to ensure that you can have a victory and it feels feasible and substantial and applicable in some way, and has something you can take out of the fantasy world and hold with you back on "terra firma".
Its tricky! Its a tricky thing to balance, and I don't think there's a single "right" answer nor should there be because it depends. It depends on the story, and the intent, and the setting, and the medium, and etc. Big fan of this framework to explain it.
#dropout#zac oyama#adventuring academy#brennan lee mulligan#reaaaally like- like not even the specific takes as much as the framing of this. its part of why i think sometimes discussions about#good or bad or happy or sad or realistic endings miss the point a bit for me.#like whether an ending is 'good' or 'bad' or 'happy' or 'sad' or 'realistic' are often distinct discussions along w/ being deeply subjectiv#not to say that they're all COMPLETELY disjoint but assuming one EQUALS any of the others often flattens the discussion. to its detriment.#narrative meta#(?)#not cr#look ill be real im thinking about (among other things) some of the c2 ending discourse. not in a 'i cant see why people were unhappy' way#bc I totally understand why and I did have my own gripes. but also.#just like. man. some of those discussions were. happening in the same spheres and threads and all talking totally diff things. and migh#have really benefitted from this framing#anyway I looove adventuring academy. the Lou and aabria adventuring parties are ones I relisten to regularly. connie/jasmine's ones r also#vvvv good. I also typically love contested roll for the absurdity but in this case the specific discussion spawned is so good I don't even#mind the trade of the hilarity#anyway sorry. off my soapbox now. i just loved this discussion
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I'm so sorry, I can't find it to link here, but I saw a post where someone pointed out how at the end of the movie, Raph, Donnie and April kind of stare at Leo, surprised to see as him acting silly and then Raph smiles because his little brother acts like himself
And they also pointed out that Leo acts differently after the extremely traumatic Kraang invasion, so I thought about how he'd never really return to being the silly goofball he was before and it made me sad so here, you get to be sad too!
Please, if someone has the post, send it as a reply to this post so I can link it! Thanks!
#I imagine Donnie is deeply affected by it#all of them are but Donnie especially#since Leo is his other half and all#and he just wants to fix this but he can't#Leo is overall more quiet and he has this sad smile that he wears all the time#he hugs his brothers a lot to make sure they're real#he's more serious and jumpy and and it's just sad#he does still say jokes sometimes but much less than before#rottmnt#save rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#save rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leonardo#rottmnt leo#rise leonardo#rise leo#rottmnt raphael#rottmnt raph#rise raphael#rise raph#rottmnt michelangelo#rottmnt mikey#rise michelangelo#rise mikey#rottmnt donatello#rottmnt donnie#rise donatello#rise donnie
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the truth
#blue lock#blue lock fanart#alexis ness#ブルーロック#art#fanart#blue lock manga#my art#michael kaiser#in spirit#i think about scenarios where ness leaves kaiser#whether just to pass to isagi or for good#and i believe this is the key to kaiser's awakening#given that his “identity”/ego first appeared not out of malice but out of the desperation to protect the one thing he cared about (the ball#and of course his monologue in 260 about how he treats the ball explicitly parallels how he treats ness#which makes me believe losing ness or the risk of losing ness is instrumental in kaiser's reawakening#BUT.#kaiser is a deeply sad angry person and he cannot let the world know he's weak#so i fear that ness leaves him and instead of admitting oh maybe i do care kaiser snaps#because ness can't leave him if he pushes ness away harder right?#kaiser telling ness exactly what he was to him#exactly why he approached him in the first place#you're nothing but a dog#an experiment#because fury covers up the hurt (hurt that kaiser is even angrier that he *has*) and so the damage is done#so that's what this doodle is based on el oh el#and ness is left reevaluating every moment they've ever shared and wondering if it was real at all#(because even if kaiser did care he doesn't have the capacity to realize he did-- i do believe his behavior in 243 was genuine and proof he#-cares for ness in the only way he can he just does not understand that yet because he fundamentally does not understand kindness)#and he won't before it's almost too late
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my favorite mulder moments from s3
when he’s dead in episode 1, in the afterlife being urged to return to his body, and it is only only hearing that his sister isn’t there which convinces him to come back to life (we can analyze this for years and we should!)
after their narrow escape from the disease center in episode 2, skinner asks what mulder could possibly hope to find in his wildest dreams. his answer: “why they killed my father. and what happened to my sister. and what they did to agent scully” which pretty much proved that she is part of his family to him <3 and he just wants to protect his family and keep everybody safe... i'll cry
and despite how badly he wanted the truth and was willing to risk it all, he agreed to turn the tape they had nearly died over so they could come out of hiding, so scully could see if her sister was okay (AUGHHH putting his life's ambition on hold for her...)
(this is more to do with behind the scenes stuff, but there’s a little moment in episode 7 where his hair is all messed up, and then in the very next shot it’s all fixed again, and i thought it was so funny to see, because you could tell he got retouched between takes)
in that same episode there’s also a moment where he keeps replaying a mysterious noise over and over again. scully asks if he has found anything, and he replies “no, but i’m really beginning to like the tape” with a big goofy smile <3
in episode 9, he has his office set up like a movie theater, with his feet tossed up on on the desk. he is SO excited to show scully the alien autopsy video he ordered from a magazine for $29.95!!!
then he comments that “it’s widely held that aliens don’t have blood, scully” with great seriousness which had me LOSING it. yes of course, mulder, she CLEARLY should have known!
(later in that episode, skinner comes down to scold them, and asks why they’re even in pennsylvania, to which he says that they’re here on a “video piracy case” <- LMAOOOO least convincing lie ever told)
also in episode 9: his line “you think believing is easy?” followed by letting that sit for a bit, exploring the tensions and implications- how hard it is for mulder to keep the faith that there are answers in this world, and perhaps even justice to go along with them. how it doesn’t come as naturally to him as you may think, it’s about hope and protecting your loved ones and doing whatever it takes, killing or dying, to learn the Truth, because the Truth is hope
(at this point in taking notes, i proceeded to ramble on for like a paragraph with Intense Emotions, and even talking about this episode again is making me want to go on a lecture tour about how fantastic it was)
in episode 10, a passenger on the train with her child sees the dead body of a doctor and screams. mulder pivots, tells the woman that the doctor is just sick, smiles, and ruffles the kid’s hair
(he ruffles another kid’s hair in episode 23… don’t think i didn’t notice)
angrily quoting scripture in episode 11
(and he also says he considers the bible to be poetry rather than a literal history in this one, which i think is fascinating)
sitting in his car, watching the night sky in episode 12, when he asks over the phone: “look scully, i know it’s not your inclination, but did you ever look up into the night sky and feel certain that not only was something up there, but it was looking down at you at the exact same moment, and was just as curious about you as you are about it?” goshhh what a wonderful way to see the world... a universe of mutual curiosity with answers that can be found if only you are dedicated enough to hunt for them
dr. ivanov’s little bug robot liking mulder and following him around <3 someone pls get him a cat!!
AND that episode wrapup: “the development of our cerebral cortex has been the greatest achievement of the evolutionary processes. big deal.” <- it had me absolutely giggling… as a profiler and student of the human brain, it really IS a big deal!! he knows that!! but he was so angry about how it all went down his bitterness won that day lmaooo
(BUT ALSO: he wakes up in his JEANS in this episode??? what kind of dude SLEEPS in his JEANS... we need to launch a full federal investigation)
when he tries to call to the kitty in episode 14 <3
and then he goes to the library to read up on gargoyles, but he was pulling so many all-nighters that he just straight up fell asleep on the table, and it was So Cute
in episode 15, he knows that "ronin" is the term for a samurai without a master, which made me laugh (and he claims he knows it from watching samurai movies… nerd!)
when he hops into an empty grave in episode 19 and starts digging with his hands while someone yells “what the hell is he doing!” and scully watches, knowing that is the sort of behavior he is just hardwired to do
mulder (possibly) eating an entire sweet potato pie in episode 20. narrative-wise we shall never know the truth.
how intensely attached he is to skinner being revealed in episode 21; how he believes whole-heartedly that he is innocent even when all of the evidence is against him. how when skinner dismisses his case as none of their business mulder counters with "of course it is", as if there was no other option. how he listens to skinner’s stories of terror in vietnam. how he is disappointed skinner won’t tell him what really happened that night. if you want to cry, go watch that scene where he leaves skinner's office realizing he won't talk about it. it made me emotional.
(he also pulls a giant book off his shelf in that episode and flips to the page talking about succubi, which makes me wonder what other kinds of literature he keeps in his office, pls let me come browse)
((there is also a moment where he gets really angry and pushes his jacket back with his hands on his hips and i swear my heart nearly stopped))
episode 22’s “i know the difference between expectation and hope. seek and you shall find, scully” it's just SO good and so Him
when he visits her motel room in episode 23 and gets all cozied up on her couch to talk case theories... i was giggling!!!
how he tries so hard to be brave and hold it together when she is missing in that one, too- calling her mother to check where she is, apologizing for disturbing mrs. scully because he knows how intense this must be for her after everything her daughter has gone through, bouncing his basketball in his apartment to keep himself moving, how he tells the lone gunmen with an even voice that she isn’t okay when he needs to go ID a body, and how he kicks the door of the man who got them involved with this case, forgoing answers for her. ripping my hair out from all my emotions btw.
mulder being convinced that he could talk scully back into her senses even after she shot at him (!!!) and refusing to accept her mother’s answers that she wasn’t at her home
when he visits scully in the hospital after her wavelength-induced psychosis, he enters the room with his hands up, jokingly surrendering after she had held him at gunpoint. because he cannot be serious ever, and he Needs to make a joke and lighten the mood, to try and make her feel comfortable.
AND how he turns the TV off when he enters, knowing what the TV did to get her there. and how he leaves after a while, whispering “why don’t you try and get some rest?” on the way out, so scared to have seen her like that, wanting to give her all the time she needs to recover <3
in the finale he sits by his mom in her hospital bed; he holds her hand, notices she is cold and covers her with a blanket (gosh that one made me inconsolable- scully was talking to him and he couldn't even respond, because his mom was cold, and he needed to fix that, to make her comfortable)
he touches her hair and whispers “mom”, and smiles at her when she opens her eyes, saying everything is going to be okay; then later, he’s crying as he holds her hand to his cheek, and i’m crying too
and when they go to meet up with “jeremiah smith” later, he makes scully get behind him, holding the only weapon that could kill jeremiah in his hands and standing in front of her to keep her safe
#i love that he is willing to kill for those he loves and for the Truth and has hope despite it all#i love that he has his fierce and terrible need to Protect everyone even if it gets smothering at points#i love how he loves the people in his life so deeply#what a guy. just what an absolute guy.#i want to put him in my pocket and also kiss him and also make him kiss scully and also sometimes slap him.#sighs deeply.#i think he wants a real family of his own someday terribly which also makes me super emo#and he's so smart and he's such a nerd and he has no life but that one is actually just sad#because he devotes every inch of himself to finding answers that there is only a little time left#and i guess he uses it to watch samurai movies?#and how he SLEEPS on his STUPID COUCH#mulder........#the x files#txf#fox mulder
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by god i dont want to be a real person with a real life flesh body. i want to be a cartoon character. i want to have a cool well thought character design and be drawn with fun stylized colors and shapes and dynamic poses and wearing fun outfits i want to have a nonsense anime hairstyle and look a million cool different ways depending on who draws me. i want to be as beautiful as art is and as loved as art is and as free for infinite possibilities of looking like absolutely anything like art is. can someone draw me with cat ears
#guess all my body dysmorphia and dysphoria has come to this#feeling a deeply sad and envy feeling seeing characters be drawn in fanart and wishing i could look like a cool drawing person#not a real person#is this normal or is there something deeply wrong with me
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please don’t by k.will did more for the gays back in 2012 than any boy group can possibly do with fan service and crop tops in 2024
#do young kpoppies know about please don’t by k.will. im serious do they know#I think about it a lot#it’s impossible to replicate the feeling of being gay and watching that mv in the 2010s and just getting bodyslammed by the ending.#like he really just dropped that shit in TWENTY TWELVE#kibumblabs#to this day I think that’s the most explicitly gay mv ive seen in kpop by an established artist#(ie not holland. no shade to him but he kinda built his platform on being an openly gay artist and he’s not a big industry name or anything#which makes the impact significantly different. if that makes sense. anyway.)#like think about any other example. almost all of them can be brushed off as fan service or are at least vague enough to be#up for interpretation#please don’t’s ending is nearly fucking impossible to write off as anything but explicitly gay#no fanservice involved. no vague staring in each other’s eyes. just straight up Oh He’s Not Jealous Of His Friend He’s Jealous Of His#Friend’s Fiancé. oh#like that’s the whole point. interpreting it any other way doesn’t make sense with the impact it’s purposefully supposed to make#like seriously try to say ‘he’s just sad he’s losing his friend to marriage :(‘ or something. you have to be REAL fucking stupid or#deeply in denial to make that argument let alone believe it#anyway. I appreciate this mv a lot#k.will the OG of doomed yaoi in kpop#kill me#closest contender off the top of my head is one more day by sistar#also note I am talking about mvs here not songs in general#cause if I were talking about songs in general. key’s out there pretty much writing about gay sex at this point so I mean#k.will#kpop#only adding actual tags because I want you to watch this mv if you haven’t already
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slight spoiler for sans route in @ut-acttoflirt
*you probably have you’re reasoning to what you do.
#Ig this is probably so random#Ik this is meant to be the scene where he kinda questions the players motive and its super serious#//yes this is meant to be a deeply emotional moment as yes it also question us whyare you so obsesssed with this tiny game#Playing it over and over again for what reason?#*is the suface really that terrible..?#And it kinda reflects Chara (back to azzy mentioning they didnt fall for a happy reason.)reflecting the player themselves wanting to escape#themselves and subsiquentily narritively trapping the character that you love so much in a never ending time loop.#i mean come on#thats good story telling right there#But i kinda butchered snas-#Its meant to be a real smile transitioning to a pained fake smile to avoiding confronting the issue even tho tthats his job as judge kinda#Resetting all the happy tragic sad endings back to 0 only because YOU selfishly want to spend more time with them#(Not to attack anyone ig its just areally good story and i mean i like restring everything-)#Beacuse doesnt it feel good?to be a part of something to belong if only for a short while?#AAAaGhAAA#I love this game#undertale#act to flirt#wACht out imma make some more fan art after i finnally get my motivation back-!!!!!!#XD
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i don’t know what you guys are all complaining about i love that svu has vaporized olivia from woman on the verge to lady cragen
#she's behind the desk she's giving advice she's scolding the kids#she has a life we know nothing about but we know she's Seen It All and also is Lonely#i haven't been saying much about this season because here is the humiliating truth:#i am letting the cop show make me sad#(i should know better)#yes the lack of eo is a bummer but we've done it before we'll do it again#but having a season of genuinely interesting character work re olivia#to have the narrative directly engage with her as a soft furious grieving woman#to question her state of mind and what she does to herself in service of The Calling#only to not simply backtrack but neutralize her fully…#yeesh#is it a coincidence m has barely spoken a word about svu on any press appearances this season?#well no because what is there to say really#this is not a landmark season and there are zero plans to move olivia forward#she’s right where we left her tune into nbc thursdays at 8pm eastern#BUT what makes me most sad is that this shift was a demand from the viewers#(again! i should know better! and yet!)#i am just. a little heartbroken to have it confirmed that much of the audience loves olivia on the condition that she is Good#not only because she very much isn't#but also because that is boring and dangerous and speaks to our deeply warped perception of what it means to be a complete person#more specifically a complete woman#yet the audience lets out a sigh of relief! saint olivia is back! she is a Strong Woman giving Lawfully Good advice! phew!#remember when she was a little broken and volatile and seeing ghosts don’t worry she’s fixed now :)#please note my reaction is certainly tied to other real life happenings including 11/5 looming#alas it’s where i am#anyways dw you’re a loser
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it makes me SO sad that it’s hard to go through Samwise’s tags or find people for whom he is their favorite that don’t put down Frodo. I’m thankful that the number of those who truly understand him and love both him and who he struggles for is greater than it could be and has been in the past, but it’s still so heartbreaking to see, because I love Sam so dearly, and he’d never want this. It’s such a disrespect of Sam’s character to think that the only way to praise him is to undermine or insult Frodo. And it’s a disrespect to the narrative of Lord of the Rings as well. People constantly reference a cherry picked and out of context piece of a letter Tolkien wrote, desperately trying to claim that Sam is The Singular Hero of the story, when that wasn’t even remotely the context of the letter, yet its been used for years to undermine all the other characters of the series and erase the well rounded character Sam is to shave him into some one dimensional He-Man. Sam is undoubtedly one of the chief characters of the story, THE chief character of the story alongside Frodo. Without Sam the quest would not have been fulfilled. Yet Tolkien makes it clear that Sam could not have done Frodo’s job— especially not on his own. Just as the Ring broke down Frodo, it would have done for Sam— especially by the point of Mordor. That isn’t where Sam’s strength and value lies. It doesn’t lie in being the sacrifice. It lies in being the hope, the support, the utterly maddened loyalty and stubbornness and love that overcomes and strengthens. As I have come to say, Frodo carried the world, and Sam carried Frodo. People seem to think that as lesser, and I find that insulting. Would you find a friend that supported you in dark times lesser? Are they not your world in those moments? Do they not hold up the world for you yourself, as you struggle to carry the weight of it, and remind you that whatever suffering, you will never be abandoned or alone, even if both of you endure the fires of hell and no brightness shines through. It will not be alone. That is the beauty of Sam, and the people that treat that role as though it was not enough or that he should have had more on his plate show their lack of understanding of the very character they claim to praise.
#samwise gamgee#frodo baggins#I was just thinking this bc i realized I didn’t have as many Sam posts on my blog and I began to wonder why since he is one of my favorite#characters of all time#and then I remembered that I have learned to avoid diving directly into his tag without screening the poster first#because most of the content for Sam is just treating Frodo as a burden or useless or weak and Sam as though he had no weakness#and that always hurts because it’s such a disrespect and pity to two of the most wonderful characters ever written#to erase Sam’s struggles and faults and weakness is to reduce him and the very reason he is such an amazing person.#that Sam pushes through and becomes the hero he does despite his flaws and weakness is the very point#the fact that neither Frodo nor Sam could accomplish the quest without the other is the very point#putting down one over the other is such a gross simplification and misunderstanding of the text#and oh I am SO tired of the ‘Sam is the real hero Tolkien said so’ misinfo#I don’t know who started that whole thing but if I ever met them they would get a black eye or a lecture and maybe both#I’ve looked up that letter and it is not at all what people make it out to be.#the general group that spreads that shows they have zero critical thinking or reading comprehension or even media literacy.#it’s sad to see such a valuable story and lesson and narrative be bastardized and trampled on#I love Samwise so deeply. he is undoubtedly the reason Frodo makes it as far as he does#I am lucky to have friends like him. their worth cannot be measured.
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I do think Withers has a really subtle background character arc in bg3. Because at the start it is really clear he doesn't want to be here and he's being forced to clean up his mess by Helm and probably Ao. He doesn't really care either. Everything ends so nothing really matters, he'd like to go back to his paperwork now please.
Except he's stuck babysitting a bunch of traumatized dumbasses as they stumble into dealing with the most recent bad idea of his three fuck-up disappointments. So he brings them back when they die for a pittance, lets them pay for some vengeful ghosts to come back as flesh and blood to wreak bloody vengeance on the Absolute, and starts to... comment, on what's going on, as he follows them on their adventure.
Next thing you know Withers is like, doing things unprompted. He refuses to bring back Alfira (or Quil) but that's an act of compassion, keeping the poor girl from the Urge and letting her rest, his actual duty as a god of death. He tells Arabella to follow her destiny and does that thing to make her grief go away which honestly freaks me out but seems to be him trying to help her. He shows up at Moonrise and prompts us to consider why the Dead Three would want a bunch of soulless illithids that would give them no power, getting us to think of the big picture.
And by the end (especially if you do a resist!Durge playthrough) Withers is actively interfering and seems genuinely invested! He brings Durge back from the dead, free of their father! He encourages us before the final fight with the Netherbrain! He's real fucking smug that the Dead Three lost when he never seemed to care about the destruction they caused before! He throws a reunion party and many of his lines are genuinely touching or kind! Especially if a companion died permanently! He has tea with Gale's mom and Tara! He's like, socializing and shit! Yes, everything is temporary and we all die, but there's great beauty in fighting for that precious time and living it to the fullest!
Basically Wither's character arc is this meme, all because Helm made him go outside and touch grass.
#bg3#like... thematically the characters are bg3 are all struggling with mortal frailty and meaninglessness in the grand scheme of gods#several of them are on a ticking clock to immediate death. the tadpoles themselves are a death sentence. others are being actively#hunted by their abusers or will be drawn back into a life that's no real life at all or told to kill themselves or seen as nothing but#disposable pawns in the game of the gods to be used and discard as if nothing#or are destined for objectively shitty afterlives#and what do they do? they fight it! tooth and nail! and try to live their best life here and now! they form bonds and fall in love#and help strangers or each other and have fun even for only the moment and cling to life by their fingernails#while also accepting death could be tomorrow or next week or decades from now because we all die but that's no reason to lie#and meekly accept it because some god said so#they care! they all care SO SO MUCH ABOUT LIVING! even if its tempting to give in to the nihilism they all try so goddamn hard#even on evil routes there's something so deeply human and vulnerable to how it all comes from caring so deeply#about wanting to live and survive and be loved and safe#listen to Wither's lines about the companions if they died. especially Karlach. do you get it? they made the GOD OF DEATH#JERGEL HIMSELF! feel something about the beauty of the mortal life in all its fleeting incandescent glory!#but also I think it's just that Jergel needed to leave his sad little crypt more and talk to people other than kelemvor#and Helm accidentally made Jergel less terrible by forcing him to socialize with the mortals#it's like never leaving your room as a teenager. it makes you depressed and sad and full of despair like an understimulated parrot#and like is Wither's being more invested in the affairs in mortals necessarily a good thing? maybe. maybe not. but he clearly is#so good on him. I think more gods should hang out with mortals in non-worship contexts. might give them some perspective#just pretend to be some random helper NPC#and this is all especially poignant when we remember Jergel’s past as Neutral Evil and the genuinely horrible things he’s done
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saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad
#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries#it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc#ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop#like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions#cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt#you know how it goes#vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own#students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country#until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem#this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL#our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries!#but the mental image is a bit funny#vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa#i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med#expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc#anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history#i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3)#as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me)#lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc#theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly#being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her#lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao#years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth#cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination....#I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess#but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh.#skl.txt
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I would like to know exactly how luke asking annabeth to run away with him went down.
#annabeth🥺#it's sad to think about how it'll be so much harder for annabeth to unpack and heal from that relationship bc he's dead#it's hard enough to come to terms with someone you love/held in high esteem hurting you so deeply#but she's also grieving him too so it's even harder to hold him accountable to herself and recognizing the good and the bad#she may struggle to not romanticize the memory of him#sorting through what about their relationship was pure and genuine and what was fueled by other stuff#both of their trauma really played into it in some of the worst ways...#but to even recognize how her trauma played into it she'd have to identify what her trauma even is and how it's affected her life#it's really complex and difficult work#and bc he's gone she'll never get to question him on stuff like what he was thinking at certain points and why#so certain things will never get the best closure#MAYBE SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE EXPLORED IN HOO RICHARD???? BUT NO#and it would have been perfect too bc she'd also be dealing with issues caused by both of her parents triggered by the MoA quest#like her mother's conditional love#and trauma from her mortal family#and her fear of spiders relates to both of these things bc it's a phobia that's passed down from her mom's actions#so she's being punished for something she's not responsible for and also being burdened with a quest simply for being her mother's daughter#and it also represents her mortal family's neglect bc they ignored her needs and all that...#AND THEN the only person she's received actually pure and good unconditional love from was snatched from her for 6 months#and the MoA quest could have been a way to confront some of these fears and wounds...so she's a little stronger by tartarus which#should bring out the best in her and the worst in percy#or maybe the best and worst in both of them#and then he can work through some stuff too down there#HoO could have been a journey for them where they're undone and then healed#bc at the end of everything they have the medicine to literally everything which is real love (which they have for each other intensely)#the rant I could go on about this...I have so many thoughts about what HoO should have been. maybe one day#annabeth#luke & annabeth#luke#m
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Oh boy look at the time. -checks a reoccurring calendar notification that says 'cry in the club about Xehanort and his abandonment complex'-
#i don't know why this occurs i just periodically get sad about Xehanort again#not a sentence i thought I'd ever write if you asked me a few years ago but like this has been my life for the last year and a half#just periodically getting deeply sad about Xehanort#the sad du jour is about Xehanort aggressively clinging to how being the Child of Destiny means he's totally not unwanted#even if his mom did give him up and his dream friends aren't even really his friends#and maybe his real friends will also reject him if he's insufficiently dogmatic about light and darkness#surely it doesn't matter he's the Child of Destiny he's not UNWANTED perish the thought#and anyway he totally doesn't care even if he IS unwanted. Totally. Totally not hung up on what Baldr said at all.#IT'S FINE. I'M FINE. I'M SO NORMAL ABOUT IT.#khml needs to come out so i stop chewing glass about this [it will probably also make me chew glass]
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#shes so beautiful but sometimes the way she stares scares me so deeply. avert your gaze creature#on the other hand i wanna cry and shed real tears when he looks all sad :(#me.txt#red dead redemption 2
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What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)
"Jane, did you ever stop to think that... if anything happened to me, I mean anything bad, there wouldn't be any money for you? I wouldn't be here to sign the checks. You wouldn't even have pocket money. Did you ever think of that?"
"Yeah, I've thought about that."
#what ever happened to baby jane?#american cinema#robert aldrich#1962#joan crawford#bette davis#lukas heller#henry farrell#victor buono#wesley addy#bert freed#maidie norman#anna lee#marjorie bennett#anne barton#dave willock#robert cornthwaite#barbara merrill#julie allred#gina gillespie#frank de vol#revisiting after a long long time. watching this as a teen (too many moons ago) it was Joan that bewitched me; i was deeply taken by her‚#fell a little in love even. coming back to it now and I'm baffled how i slept on Bette's performance‚ arguably the showier and more#rewarding (from an actors pov). she's ott and grotesque but there's real depth to the role too‚ she delivers with nuance and there's levels#to the character‚ tragedy too (the completely unexpected way she says the line 'You mean all this time we could have been friends?' is#beautiful). also Buono?? I'd honestly kind of forgotten that there was anyone else in this film but Bette and Joan but my god‚ in his first#major film role‚ he's amazing! and funny! easy to forget just how funny this film is‚ in amongst the horror and the sadness and the waste#of it all. beautiful little film‚ i know it has its followers and is appreciated as a high camp classic‚ but it's honestly so much more#than just that too. Aldrich (truly one of The great genre directors) does wonders with sharp‚ unforgiving black and white photography#(beautifully contrasted with the soft warmer footage of younger J and B from their hollywood heyday). masterfully constructed too
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blah blah blah blah blah
#i have real thoughts rn i am just so overwhelmed with feeling that this is all that can come out#tldr: i wish i could just spend my time traveling and treating women how they Deserve to be treated (well. loved)#thinking about how many people i see who are so deeply sad#thinking about how many ppl ive had a positive impact on even if we ended on terrible terms#thinking about how many more people i could help if i just had the resources ....#thinking about how fucked the psychiatric industry is and how so many therapists suck#thinking about how i actually love being the mommy therapist friend a lot of the time and my limits surrounding that really just come from-#-the fact i Dont have the resources to do this for everyone bc i also have to manage other things in life and work and such#thinking about how if i could i would actually do free emotional labor like. all the time.#thinking about how much it sucks i cant do this#thinking about how much i want to hold every sad girl i see on my dash and let them cry into my arms until they cant anymore#thinking about how much i love my friends#thinking about how much I love...... everyone i meet#not in the like Romantic way but in the “oh hello. you crossed my path. i love you. i love you. i love you. thank you for being alive” way#thinking about all the people who have harmed me and how i Still feel so much love for all of them#thinking of the strangers who have been both rude and kind to me and how much i think of them. how deeply i hope they're still alive.#it..... hurts to love this much ngl#but pushing it down feels worse and im full of this feeling of tender frustration????? because of it#i love that i have so many people who allow me to love them and love me in return#i want to reach through the screen and kiss every follower and mutual and person i follow on the forehead and tell them I love them#i wish i could express more love for people w/o them falling In love with me or being weirded out thinking im In Love w/ them....#i wish i could express better that its not that im aromantic but that i just have so much love at my baseline that its hard for me to-#-Fall in love unless we constantly are talking and communicating and like. working to that together without sounding like a jerk or like im+#+a saint. im not a saint. im not. i just love you. ):#ANYWAY sorry for all those feelings if i didnt get them out i was gonna explode#that also definitely wasnt really a tldr
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