#all i wanna do is scream and scream about how stressed and anxious i am

[wallyrudolophwest]

.

[corpsesrottinginacelestialgarden]

The canonical differences between Demon and P1 Dude: How mischaracterizations lead to sanism.

There is a lot of ableism/sanism in the Postal fandom, especially surrounding P1 Dude. I'm tired of people thinking that Demon and P1 Dude are the same entity/personality/have the same moral conduct. I understand how easy it is for misinformation to spread about old indie games. I am not here to attack anyone. I just wanna shed some light on a few things.

There is a reason that P1 Dude's journal entries sound and look completely different from Demon's. P1 Dude was completely detached from reality and believed he was killing monsters to "save humanity," not innocent people. Yes, P1 Dude was a terrified, anxious, traumatized, psychotic man. Meanwhile, Demon was a cold sadist who enjoyed killing and spouting off goofy one-liners. They have distinctive personalities.

RWS has stated many times that P1 Dude was an average guy that was really going through it before he "went postal". He was not plotting, planning, or scheming to kill a bunch of people. (He is not like Notim from Hatred.) Quite the opposite. He only purchased a Kevlar vest and armed himself at the point he felt his life was in mortal danger.

He lived in a dangerous area of Paradise in which he heard gunshots and screams after dark every night. When he began to feel genuinely threatened, he purchased a singular gun. (This is all in the lore.) The rest of his weapons are found and collected in-game. He did not begin shooting at anyone until the cops literally came barging into his front yard shooting at him first. While that doesn't justify him going on a killing spree, it is the moment that set off his paranoid delusion fully.

We know from the lore that Paradise is a fucked up place filled with dangerous people. There is something genuinely wrong with Paradise that pushed Dude to this point (even if he likely already had mental health issues). The real-world threats he was experiencing amplified the delusion that everyone was out to get him. Chronic stress and trauma can make a person become highly psychotic. You are not immune.

The wrong man in the wrong place at the wrong time makes all the terrifying difference. RWS stated he is an "everyman". He is meant to be related to without condoning what he does. The whole idea behind Postal 1 is that this could happen to anyone in the right circumstances. Absolutely anyone can develop psychosis if they experience enough stress.

In P1 Dude's journal entries, he repeatedly stated that he was scared and thought people were trying to kill him. He was straight up visually perceiving the people shooting at him as creatures infected with the "hate plague". Many of the loading screens show what people looked like through his eyes. They have heavily distorted, skeletal, and monstrous faces. On the flip side, Demon's journal entries are quite sadistic, playful, and a bit poetic. Demon speaks completely differently from Dude, aside from a few later journal entries when his sanity slips further. It seems like the delusion is worsening at that point and Demon (if real) is possibly taking over further. It is important to note that Dude never speaks in-game. That is all Demon's voice speaking. RWS confirmed this.

According to RWS, no one else can hear this voice but him. It was deliberately left ambiguous as to whether or not this is an actual demon possessing him, or merely part of his psychotic delusion. Nonetheless, P1 Dude completely lacked agency over Demon's thoughts/behavior. Thus, wholeheartedly blaming P1 Dude as if he was somehow aware of what he was doing during his psychosis is straight up nonsense.

You could say he was like a puppet for Demon/his delusions. To say there is no difference between P1 Dude and Demon is to fundamentally misunderstand how this character was written. He did not know what happened until the end of the game when he realized he was attempting to harm children. That's what made him collapse to the ground in shock and horror. Everything I have stated is 100% canon and can be sourced directly from the original Postal 1 manual, in-game lore, canon information in the game files, RWS' social media accounts where they answer fan questions, and old interviews with the original dev team.

This may be a tough pill for some to swallow, but there are people with psychosis so extreme that they are 100% lacking in awareness of their own behavior. That is a real thing that happens to people all the time. There truly is a lot of ableism, sanism, and misconceptions about how psychosis works in this fandom. Please don't contribute more stigma toward psychotic people if you can help it.

With all that being said and done:

Do I think what he did is ok? HELL NO!!! I can deeply empathize with a traumatized psychotic man who thought he was “saving humanity” by killing monsters without condoning his actions. So can you, even if it is solely cognitive empathy. Severe persecutory delusions are no joke! That's a pretty tragic situation to be on either end of. Imagine thinking you were doing something akin to killing off a zombie outbreak…only to realize you committed absolute atrocities. That's peak psychological horror, my dude. That's raw and real as hell to me.

I am not primarily concerned with P1 Dude's overall sense of morality. My focus is on pointing out the clear moral discrepancies/dilemmas that were deliberately written into the lore. These are moral discussions in the context of Dude's delusional perspective. Obviously, from the player's perspective/morals, his delusion is completely fucked and not logical. It is a delusion, after all. Explanations don't and should never equal justifications. I am not focused on if he is good or evil, as I do not believe in that type of thing. My main focus is with understanding the context of his delusional thoughts and actions. I think people are just people. They're all capable of wonderful and terrible things. I am primarily concerned with the canon lore and ableism/sanism toward psychotic/delusional people I have been seeing. People do not choose their delusions or control them, period.

-Sincerely, someone who has experienced similar delusions.

Edit: I originally wrote this post when I was sick, sleep deprived, and had a hellish headache. I have since tried to elaborate on several points I feel I did not explain in a nuanced enough way, initially.

I have noticed some people quote the Postal Strategy Guide claiming that P1 Dude shot first. That is a fair concern to bring up. This is slight misinformation on the original writer's part. Even if you do absolutely nothing in the game but stand around, the cops shoot first. Paul did not work at RWS, was not a game dev, and did not write the lore. Vince Desi confirmed P1 Dude was, indeed, attacked initially. Misconceptions and errors are very common in game strategy guide books from the 90s and early to mid 2000's.

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

As an autistic person, I can't stop thinking about autistic!van x autistic!reader and helping each other with struggles and all that.

What do you think?

Hi there, also as an autistic person I absolutely adore the concept of autistic!Van x autistic!reader, so I'm gonna write these out as head-cannons, since I have many thoughts on it.

Also I am gonna elaborate more on some of these in the Van x Reader fic I have lined up, so yeah, look out for that if you're interested.

Quick disclaimer: I've only been diagnosed recently (but have pretty much known I am for the last year, I just needed stuff filled out etc, so I could finally have a proper diagnosis), so I'm pretty new at understanding my autistic traits, and if they are to do with my autism or are just me in general, so this is gonna be based off my own experiences and what I've seen about autistic traits.

Also I may have accidently integrated dating head-cannons or general Van head-cannons, since I couldn't really tell the difference, so enjoy those as well if there are any.

@zhivaxo @kyleeservopoulos

*****

🧡Autistic!Adult!Van Head-Cannons🧡

*****

Food:

Safe/Comfort Foods: PB and J's, Donuts, Cinnamon Rolls (any pastries really), Pretzels, Pop Tarts (doesn't really have a favourite flavour but absolutely hates the strawberry ones, although that could just be me deflecting), Chocolate Chip cookies, Twizzlers.

That sort of stuff.

-----

When you went through a baking/cooking hyper-fixation (or bake/cook in general), you made sure all the recipes catered to both of your food preference's.

This includes the time you made huge batches of different types cookies, (chocolate chip, which Van loved the most, was the main favourite) and you now make them for her when she gets sad to cheer her up.

-----

She also carries a pouch of sour gummy bears wherever she goes (as a grounding technic I guess), in case she gets anxious or overwhelmed when she's not at home (which I do and it works every time, in case people wanna do that and know how well that works).

-----

Media:

Watches video tapes of her favourite shows/movies from the 90's to help comfort her when she goes non-verbal and when she occasionally has meltdowns over different things (usually things that upset or stress her out).

-----

She loved horror movies pre-crash (she still does a bit, but prefers not to since she's already kind of lived through one), and would watch them religiously (Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Hellraiser, Evil Dead, The Shining, etc).

She also watched Scream 1 and 2 once everyone got rescued, to catch up in a way, but realised that horror movies didn't feel the same as before.

-----

Definitely listens to vinyl records and cassette tapes of bands/singers she listened to pre-crash (I imagine her listening to ABBA, The Clash, Queen, Blondie, The Cure, Nirvana maybe, that sort of music), and that helped her cope after everyone was rescued and help her in general when she's under or overwhelmed.

-----

I also think she'd be a bit of a secret Swiftie (only you and maybe a couple others knowing that she is), more of a Fearless, Speak Now and Folklore Swiftie compared to her other albums, but still doesn't mind them.

-----

Plays retro games she grew up with/genuinely finds interesting (Pac-Man, Super Mario, Tetris, Sonic the Hedgehog etc) to reset her mindset when she's overwhelmed (also maybe as a little bit of a regression).

-----

General Autistic Traits/Head-Cannons:

She hates the noises of fireworks and thunder/lightning (since they remind her of the crash and almost being turned into a human marshmallow, twice), so she has to wear noise-cancelling headphones during firework displays and storms, but loves lying in bed watching the actual sparks of them.

-----

This girl is prone to bumps and scrapes, so an extensive, assorted collection of plasters/band-aids (whatever you call them) is necessary.

Animal ones, flower ones, food ones, cartoon ones, even plain white ones that she loves letting you doodle on.

You name it, she's got them.

-----

She always used to make sure, before she opens the store and after she closes for the day, that the video tapes she has in her store are stacked right alphabetical and genre.

You even made signs saying "Please put back where you found them" that you put up around the tape displays, to help out with it so Van doesn't stress or overthink about it too much.

-----

Sunday's in the store are usually very quite, so she dedicates that day for restocking whatever needs restocking (I don't really know how that stuff works, so imagine what you will), which tends to be stressful. So you always make sure you have her favourite snacks, drinks, music and movies (maybe even a cold case of beer if she needs it), are on hand at the end of the day, just in case she needs them at the end of the day to cool off.

-----

As seen in the show (which I also do), she uses film/tv show quotes during conversations, and mixes them up when she gets upset or overwhelmed.

-----

Definitely has a pack of sticky notes and several pens in her back pocket at all times as a communication system in case she goes non-verbal.

She even uses them to write small notes with love hearts on around the house, sometimes even in your bag, which she insists is necessary (for reasons she changes or adds on to each time you talk about it).

*****

This took a lot longer then I thought it would, but I hope you enjoyed reading and I'll see you in the next one.

-Harlow

[foxymoxynoona]

idk why i’m telling you this but man… i feel extreme humiliation whenever i am out with my mother. she’s so rude to waiters/waitresses or just about anyone working in the service industry. she always speaks to them like they’re beneath her—never saying please or thank you because she thinks “it’s their job to service us and be helpful��. and she always leaves a huge mess on the table and whenever i try to at least stack the dirty dishes and glasses together to make it easier for the busser to pick up she gets furious and goes “this is what they get paid for, why are you doing their job for them?” and she always… litters. she’ll nonchalantly throw used up tissue/food wrapper out on the street and whenever i confront her about it she always goes “someone gets paid to clean that up”.

i don’t know why i never noticed this about her until i’m all grown up and moved out. it always ends in a huge fight whenever i try to talk to her about this appalling ‘karen’ behavior of hers. i always get anxious whenever i go out with her and pray she doesn’t cross the line any further than she already does. it’s so mentally exhausting to always watch out for what she says or does to service folks. i can never relax and i’m always constantly feeling like a shitty person by association even though i really wanna scream that i’m nothing like her, because people always give me this look that says “hey maybe teach your mother dear some manners?” whenever she acts up. and i can never say anything to her about this because she always pulls the “do you want me to die? because you unnecessarily stressing me out like this will certainly lead to that” card.

sorry. i should probably talk to a therapist about this instead of to you, a stranger on the internet.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you at least can find comfort that the reason you didn't notice this until you were a grown up is that you have effectively established your own identity and morales that exist outside of her, and so now you notice the ways in which you are in conflict! You are most definitely not a bad person by association. It's easier said than done to try and impact especially a parents' behavior. I have dealt with similar things with my parents and realizing how helpless I am for their particular struggles.

I totally encourage you to talk to a therapist BECAUSE I very much did and it helped me find specific techniques that actually have improved my relationship with my both my mom and my dad. At the same time, there are some things they are unbudging on and therapy helped me learn how to protect my own sanity in those situations --which in the extreme actually means that my husband's mother is cut completely from our life because it was the only way to stay safe. I've experienced the whooooole spectrum of these relationships and sympathize with how hard it is. The tools you have available for managing it also really vary based on your age and financial dependency and so much more. Hang in there --and know that more people sympathize with this and recognize when you are trying to correct or not condoning her behavior

[wackymaci]

I guess I’m using this as a casual oc posting blog now too?? cause this is from priv twt and I don’t necessarily wanna put it on the big blog since it’s an unorganized mess lmao

but so long as I’m posting convo snippets and related moments. allow me to transfer over a thread i’d made re:,, Eisa and Einmyria, Tory’s oopsie twins with Loki — if you don’t know from my twt (dm me for circumstances if you’re really curious and nosy lmfao) the elysiumverse IS undergoing some minor restructuring over the past few months & still now for.,,,, reasons. some of which involves some retconning to completely delete some obscure characters from the common consciousness & massively overhauling others -

THATS not super important but you’ll see why that’s sort of relevant, anyway for preservation purposes I am going to!! copy and paste a specific twitter thread as bullet points and it’s attached OOOO CANON CLIPS underneath the cut bc :-)))))) this is all about Loki obviously mwah

fuckin hello if I write lokikid Tobias out of existence that means the first of Loki’s children that HE didn’t carry HIMSELF like — EVER beforehand - were Eisa&Einmyria with Tory? he was a basketcase at the time for other reasons (accident babies, Maci was not happy,🤪) but if I retcon now it’s so much worse🤩

due to the series of tragic events befalling his first six children Loki has ALWAYS been highly anxious and cagey every time he’s been pregnant anyway and havin to trust someone else now w them was. oh god let me go back in time I feel like I didn’t give that enough wEIGHT AAHHHH

saying this wholeheartedly with the knowledge that even with or without *deliberately* devoting the proper amount of gravity to this Loki canonically was still so stressed out at the time he literally triggered the beginning of Ragnarok but, like, lmao meh,, EDIT to add that whole series of events with Thanatos happened DURING Tory’s pregnancy w them so that’s like. Loki: no i’m not psychologically affected from how that all went down at all :-) -*THE END OF THE WORLD ACCIDENTALLY BEGINS*

haha did I ever discuss how Eisa and Einmyria were conceived. well:

and of course; the follow up part 8 (Bel and Ty were like,, idk age 6?)—

kicky feet lmao reading this whooooole chain of events is so wild, just some of the most utterly delightfully vicious behavior cycling between Maci and Loki and Tory this was SO much scream fighting on and on, would get resolved and then exploded again, just SO unhinged—

so reading this now 10 years later where - Maci & Loki & Tory do successfully co-parent Eisa and Einmyria with zero issues lmao and. where lately Loki’s made a complete 180 re: Maci and Tory in.,,, an insanely nsfw domesticated way is so. wow the difference a decade makes,, SCREAM

at this point in this twitter thread, a brief several day interlude takes place during which the l0ki show finale premieres and pisses me off enough for me to return to this thread in a slightly different direction lmfao??? the following;

BACK 2 ELYSIUM. Ty & Bel when they were kiddos were obsessed with Loki - god whose every word out of his mouth is a lie VS mindreading “children” who could literally see all of his actual thoughts & deep insecurities, especially when Drama Occurred & Loki refused to fuckin talk to anyone—

when goin thru that Eisa Einmyria plot collection I found yet another huge scene tht Loki’d caused with Tory & Maci (dont forget this timeframe was SOOO VICIOUS) & found afterwards Bel finding him & talking to him with, quote—

“They can't understand that you wreck things when you're nervous”

ssso um, elysiumLoki thesis statement, oh hh,hhhHHHHH— 🥺🥺🥺

Yknow what I went back and retrieved that exact section again an d it’s. so. I think Bel was like age 6 here lmfao:

collapses. just think this thread was recorded BEFORE I plunged myself into the 2012 section of the archives during Loki’s first entrance into Elysium so. honestly all these convo snippets I may or may not post MAY or MAY NOT be E!L related AAAHHHHHH— anyway. thoughts..,,,, thots…….,,

[rubysrantcastle]

Hello, world!

Or more like "Hello, no one!" since no one's reading this haha. It's me, your not-so-fav Ruby with her daily struggles again. I would appreciate if anyone could help me with this but since no one is reading, it's gonna be difficult.. I'm at my limit and I don't know what to do with my life (before anyone says to stay strong, the bad will pass and the good awaits me.. when will it pass? it's been clumping since my childhood and the more mature I am, the worse are things getting.. is there even an end to it?).

First things first, how do I get my mom mental help, without getting her mental help? She's been in a bad state for god knows how long and it's taking a toll on everyone in the family. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom with my whole heart, body and soul but sometimes, she has this manic episodes which, if she's stressing about something or we as a family have a hard time, get more frequent and more intense and she keeps ranting to everyone the same things over and over again (as if screaming and repeating it constantly would help the situations) to the point we know it by heart and it keeps worsening my own anxiety (I'm currently shaking as I'm writing this, trying to keep my ish together). We also can't say anything to her other than agreeing and supportive words because the second we express how we feel, that we are exhausted, we don't want to listen to it again, or that we feel just as anxious and terrible as she does, our feelings get dismissed as if she's the only one that can feel this way and we should be cheerful and enjoy life. Also, during my child and young teenage times, her manic episodes used to escalate to her threatening surside (either she locked herself with knif in her room or she went outside and was calling us and sending us messages about how she's ready to hop under a train and how she knows she was a bad mom and that we won't miss her) and I have a feeling this caused me some internal childhood trauma (I definitely have attachment issues-). Nowadays, she doesn't do those anymore (luckily.. *knocks on wood*) but the rest is still there. I have been trying to find out what could be wrong and came to a conclusion that she might have BPD (she could swing from being cheerful with you to maniacly throwing things and screaming at you in like 5 minutes). What do I do? She would never agree to visit a psychiatrist even though she knows she is struggling mentally...

Anyways, this is a long rant as I see.. And that's not even half my problems I'm bearing on my shoulders haha. I don't even wanna write more right now because this post length already seems overwhelming enough.. Time to insert a song to make this less miserable c:

Here you have Run from Project7 because I'm keeping myself busy with survival shows as a distraction right now and this song is so good, I can't get it out of my head. I think that's all from me for today, I will try not to crumble and stay alive haha. Stay safe everyone!!

Yours goofy,

Ruby 🍉

[livingasaghost]

i have soooo much editing and life admin to do and yet i spent most of the afternoon annotating villains and reading caesar monologues help

was under the impression i'm disconnected from most of my friends (still believe this is the case) but have now reached the conclusion that i just....don't have enough friends these days! mostly in person tho, long distance is another beast that i don't have the capacity to think on especially bc most of my friends are just supremely busy at this time of year so i can't really ask them to make more of an effort and i don't even have the brainpower to make more of an effort myself so it's a wash

but when i was texting my friend about it the other day she literally was just like ....you're being too hard on yourself you're a good friend so. there's that

grief day was actually fine yesterday (aside from work being on fire metaphorically) but when i made myself do yoga before bed i had a nice little cry sesh over how hard 2017 was like damn it was rough!

been mourning 2019 today for some reason......

i miss a lot of the friends i used to have back then ):

i miss when i had friends to hang out with actually

i miss living down the street from laura (always)

like imagine if we could climb on the weekends and get food during the week wahhhh

speaking of ! i have concluded that i'm back in a disordered eating era.....which means i don't want to prep food and i really have no interest in eating although i know i need to and i am hungry....which is a bad place to be!!! because i need to be eating protein if i'm gonna keep climbing but alas i just cannot bring myself to eat much

i'm not....depressed per se, like i do think i feel mostly okay but self-care is rough right now and i don't know how to connect with anybody and it's very frustrating

reading is still going good i guess but i'm in the middle of THREE books now because i couldn't bring myself to read the last 20% of discord of gods and i'm stuck in my grief non-fic audiobook so.......who knows what read #100 will be!

i'm stuck on what i should say to ml rio when i meet her next month like how am i supposed to tell her this is one of the greatest books of all time

i was supposed to go shopping today for clothes for the rehearsal dinner and deadass just....didn't. because shopping for nice clothes is so stressful mainly because i do not want to wear a dress but i don't know where to find another jumpsuit/regular suit and i should've just gotten my mint suit tailored but now it's too late unless i wanna pay a fuckton of money and i do wonder how much of this is related to gender stuff in my brain.....problem for another day!

i have a video shoot tomorrow and i am soooo anxious about it

it's like i don't feel bad but i don't feel good and i wanna fast forward to when i'm with laura again and i wanna fast forward to us going to pnw because i do think that trip will fix me!!!! we're just gonna take photos and go hiking and eat yummy food and watch things at midnight and listen to music in the car and maybe i'll just cry because we've been hoping to do this trip since we were in high school and now we're turning thirty and she's getting married and neither of us is probably gonna publish the books we worked so hard on in the pandemic but we're still here and we have seen each other so many times this year and every thing always always comes back to laura for me and god i just miss her so much )))):

*lizzo voice* ANYWAY...

OH AND ALSO! i think i've been screaming/singing too much on my commutes because i started getting this weird JAW PAIN? and my vocal cords are mad at me a little??? like damn sorry i wanted to sing along to daddy i love him wHATEVER....

[rainbowgod666]

This. This is a point that should be brought up as much as possible

Look, i get it. I was born in

F i v e

and my autism meant that i saw the world differenti as a kid. A girl wanted to play soccer? She looks kinda bulky. Lets put her in either defense or as a goalkeeper! Gay people? I mean its weird. But they're not harming anybody so whats the deal if theyre different?

And then i grew up

And my best life years were sweeped by COVID-19

I saw family memebers die or get ill, but mostly nothing bad happened

We all have our internalized trauma, im lucky 95% of it is just me looking at them and going "yeah i need to go to the psychiatrist" and the reaction is always "dude how much anxiety is there (points at me) and why?", its really healthy i swear

Started doing analysis on "adults" and the result was always the same

Constantly screaming regardless of mood. They look at your/others toys and go "so much money spent...". You try doing anything on the PC/Phone? Its harmful! But alas, they never explain why. And even when they do, they dont seem to "make a point", so to speak. You never know for WHAT theyre gonna get angry, but after all this time the protocol is the same: Assume they will get mad. They never do when they should anyway

Adults are almost "backwards" in a way. Maybe its my personal experiences but i LITERALLY almost cannot imagine for the life of me two adults talking WITHOUT screaming at eachother like dogs.

Its TIRING. Ok? Like yeah I gotta do homework and all that but after im done WHAT, exactly, should i do? Like i can do some errands to "get my ass up from that chair" (which kinda makes sense, luckily for them) but after that? "Draw a little bit" yeah sure, but heres the thing. ALL THE THINGS I WANNA DRAW ARE SET AS "WORK", im not "playing" anymore, no its classified as "work" so you finally

Shut Up.

This is why "the current generation" listens to you in any way. Because we all collectively want the adults to Shut Up And Sit Near Us While Were Playing. This isnt limited to families! Look at america in LITERALLY ANY WAY, even just- taking a fucking compass and figuring out Where Is America According To Where I Am, and what do you see?

Violence, and all scholars here at tumblr can attest to the "Violence for Violence is the Rule Of Beasts". We are DESPERATE.

The common Man is ANXIOUS when it shouldnt. Look at all those posts that say "we may be lazy pieces of shit, but to our ancestors we are all the highest of kings" and think to yourself: How, and i can't stress this enough, The Fuck did we end up like this? You may reference the "mouse utopia" experiment but other than that the material is pretty fucking sparse

We all have had those times at school with yugioh/bakugan/beyblade

Where are they now.

Huh?

...

E x a c t l y .

Not to reference H:TP, but we're sick and in pain. We literally cant do this anymore. Growing up was supposed to be either cool or Just A Thing That Happens. But now?

Its that one scene in rick and morty where theyre having a massive breakdown, and that scene describes how puberty has been going for what im guessing is Anybody Young Enough to Be Almost Out Of It. Its already annoying that youre more hormones than human at that point, but nowdays? The world is an endless tornado of crack crap and malfunctioning "head honchos" that might as well have no heads at all! Its the downward spiral that EmpLemon talks about (its kind of his thing anyway like mine is being an all-encompassing stain on all fandoms that i know of) and yet, AND YET-!

Nobody is doing ANYTHING ever. We have problems like inequality global warming and all that, and the supposed "best state" is contorting itself into the reason there is a Separation Of Church And State section in the "how to make a country" rulebook because they think that "undesirables" (either LGBTQ people or addicts that genuinely want some help) want to turn their children into undesirables

Ironic. The "think of the children" motto is exactly the one thing we shouldnt have done to those poor kids.

They will live sheltered, unhealthy lives where their every whim is fulfilled regardless of what it IS. And once they go out in the real world they will think the others are the weird ones just because they dont bow to them. Even more ironic is this entire thing boils over into the concept of the Karen. A hateful being that is entitled to everything, but alas she is just what happens when a spoiled child isnt "fixed"

Do we... deserve this?

Is humanity just THAT fucked up, or we still have a chance... no because- i have looked at america for a long time. The so called "patriots" are some of the foulest people imaginable, and yet the "debauched godless deviants" are just guys that are Plainer Than White Bread but oh they have a rainbow pin so theyre gonna go to megalovania super hyperspace radioactive hell or something

The chain is gradual and month-based

For adults is perfect child - whining teen - useless adult

"My childhood was so awesome. Kids today don't even know!"

Isn't a flex.

It's a lament.

More people should understand that.

[hellafuckedup666]

Hey so it’s been a while

I felt like writing wasn’t very therapeutic for me these past few months. Also I didn’t like the new tumblr logo. But I like the little skeleton they made in a « T » for halloween or something. Haven’t done any updates on the app since, to keep it like that. Makes me feel comfortable, not like the other one. It feels so « mainstream », I don’t know. I don’t really like colors.

I learned the reason why some people like creepy stuff like skeletons and dark shit. I’m an anxious person. Always on edge, always uncomfortable. My safe place is unconfortable, my confort zone in uncomfortable. When I don’t feel the anxiety rushing through my body I feel wrong. I feel nothing really. Well turns out creepy stuff puts you in that uncomfortable space and makes you feel normal, when you know you aren’t.

It also replicates my state of mind I think. No one really knows who I am and how I feel. I’ve been labeled as mysterious by some girls I just met. It’s like I have so many layers of personnality on the outside that the only time I feel like myself is late at night thinking about depressive things. Truth is I’m not okay and I feel incredibly lonely. So much it hurts. It’s like I’m living in my own little world and all the people around me are just connecting with each other. And I can’t. I feel out of touch and most of the time, numb. It’s like emotions are stuck inside me. I don’t know how to cry anymore and it scares me how much some things don’t bother me that much. It’s a very weird coping mechanism.

I feel like vampires in the vampire diaries when they turn off their humanity. It feels good for a while because you are not hurting anymore, but you know you can’t live like this forever. The thing is, when you turn it back on, you know your heart will fucking break. And you’ll have to process your shit. I don’t think I’m ready.

Every day feels like the last. Time is going by so fast and I feel like I’m watching myself live my life instead of living it. Like I’m just the narrator for a character that is making very, very bad decisions. I wanna shake some sense into myself. But I’m just watching it unfold, like I have no say in the matter.

I’m lonely. Fucking lonely. But I can’t find the strength to let anyone in. I’m scared my humanity will turn back on. Also, I fucking hate myself. God I hate myself so much. I hate my fucking body. I hate that I’ve gained weight. I hate that I’m tired all the time. I hate that I’m not doing enough. I hate food and calories. I hate that I’m a stress eater. I hate that the only comfort I find is in skeleton logos and bowls of ramen. I hate that I have to diet. Because I do. But I always feel fucking guilty when I eat anything else but protein. I hate the guilt. I hate that I love the guilt because it makes me drink water when I’m hungry. I hate when I give in to the late night snack. I hate that I love the taste of it.

I wanna scream.

[mitchway]

please excuse me i need to scream into the void for a bit and i deleted twitter so this is as good as it gets i guess

trigger warning for depression and suicide mention

i am so infuriatingly fucked off with the online repeat prescription service because despite me requesting my antidepressents to be renewed back on the 12th, nine days later they still haven't done anything about it and i'm now five days without any meds at all.

called up my gp surgery and they said the fault was on the online service and to contact them. tried that but the live chat auto cancels and calls immediately disconnect so that's wonderful. went back to the gp this morning, they said to phone at 4pm and they'd let me know if they were able to rush another prescription for me. i phoned at 4pm and instead of doing that, they'd just submit the online prescription again? anyway after i explained again that it would leave me without my meds for even longer they said they would get one signed off and sent straight to the local pharmacy and i could pick them up at 7pm. i get there... pharmacy hasn't received anything from my gp surgery at all so now i need to go back there tomorrow morning and ask what the fuck is going on and why these places can't seem to actually communicate???

i don't wanna run around pointing fingers at people because the nhs staff are overworked as it is but i'm just so fucked off and angry and actually a lil bit scared. christmas season is a massive trigger point for me due to a period five or six years ago where i was planning to kill myself before the new year and i genuinely thought that this year i might be healthy enough to start putting that behind me but noooo i'm now getting anxious about not having my meds, feeling a wild concoction of emotions all at once and having fleeting thoughts of how nice and calm being unalive might be

now i promise not gonna do anything rash and those thoughts are gonna stay just that but honestly i'm just so fucking tired and stressed and i could really use a win at some point so can this just please be sorted tomorrow so i don't have to go through christmas completely unmedicated?

[qoeww]

Hello! Hope I'm not bothering you with anything but.

But can I request a Hc of the turtle brothers with a Dragon Mutant s/o who is actually their biological Mom.

Like one of brother's broke their weapon and asked splinter how to fix it and he just casually says "Your mother might know" and just walks away causing the brother's to be shock to have a mom, oh and when the turtles immediately try and look for their Mom they think she's a sweet old Mama turtle but she's actually a noble Dragon mutant living in hidden city who owns a mystic arts dojo.

Again I hope I'm not bothering you with this request and I hope you have a great day/night/afternoon.

TURTLE BROS WITH DRAGON MOM

Warning: Nothing

Character: Turtle Bros

Author: Hello anon, I am deeply sorry I wrote so late. I just slept while writing and boom Tumblr didn't save it (slayy... No not slayy-) so sorry I hope you like it <3

Brothers always had no problem following the rules

Like except this time and other 741 times

Everybody can make mistakes chill

They touched something that they shouldn't have and now the ground was full of shards

"Dad not gonna notice it, relax guys." But you could hear his voice was shaking

"Yes, he will. 91 percent of the time he noticed things he shouldn't have noticed."

"But we still have 9 percent huh?"

"Ok, ok we need a plan. We shouldn't make dad noti-"

"DAD I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!"

"MIKEY!"

Raph quickly shuts Mikey's mouth

"Oh hey dad, Mikey was gonna tell... Uh-"

"Move on big one, I can't watch my favorite ad."

"Oh ok..?"

Leo steps forward, leans to Splinter

"Well, dad how can we fix something... Holy? Yeah, I guess kinda holy."

"Yeah and definitely we didn't do anything."

Raph hits Donnie's back of the head

"Auch- I didn't even say anything!"

Well, Splinter had enough, his boys don't let him watch ad marathon

So he just throws them to their mother

"Mom? You mean Big Mama?"

"No other one."

Other one. OTHER ONE?!

Everybody is screaming in chaos

Splinter writes your address and kicks them from home

Yeah, 9 percent chance happened and Splinter didn't notice anything

While they are walking to your home, bros trying to imagine how you look like

"She definitely looks like us! Maybe she knows how to make pizza too, April's mom knows it."

"Yeah, maybe she is an old lady like... This tall?"

"Or maybe she left us without saying anything."

Leo notices the mood of the conversation getting cold, so he just searches for something to break this mood

"Look guys! We are here!"

"Ok, who is gonna 'nock the door?"

"I vote for Raph."

"Me too."

"Me too."

"Damn it. I knew it." He starts smelling bad because of stress and doesn't want to meet his own mother smelling like a seafood

Raph tries to knock on the door but wow hah- he is so anxious so he literally punches it to the floor

"Wow, how strong man you are."

DRAGON?

RAPH

Ok, first of all he forgets how he embarrassed after seeing his own mom

At first he can't talk, he wants to but brain is refusing

He tries to explain who are them

Even if his brothers keep interrupting

He hugs you slowly, doesn't know where to put his hands

After some time he gets comfortable with you and comes to your place so often

Drinking tea after some lessons is his favorite way to spend time with you

Like he is angry at his brothers or he just wanna see you, he comes to drink tea

Sometimes he just sits and starts venting about how disappointment as a leader

You are here to rub his shell and tell it it's not the truth

Btw you are his new role model fighter

He is willing to take lessons after meeting you

He likes your hugs, he knows you are not like his family with no soft skin. So he can hug you how much he wants

This boy just loves his new mom

LEO

This guy is shaking because of excitement

He is the one who interrupts Raph the most among them

He is trying to act cool, and wanna show how he looks good to his mom

But he gets emotional very quickly

He'll push all your brothers and sit next to you

And tell you all the things you don't even need to know

After getting a real mom-son relationship he will talk about his feelings to you more than anyone

Because sometimes brothers and dad aren't the best choices to talk about "boring" things

Now it is time to show his favorite movie series to his mom

Well, the show causes blood spurting from your eye but after seeing how Leo is happy because he can share his interest with his parent, you decide not to talk

He will act like a child going to daycare and doesn't want to leave her mother

"Ok, ok you can go first. I have very very very serious things to talk about with mom. Not you Donnie."

And you two play UNO

DONNIE

He doesn't know what to feel

Like he is angry and happy at the same time

He just doesn't wanna hug you until why you didn't show up

His heart is broken like you were just sitting dojo for years and not searching for them

He didn't even know he had a mother

Well after learning your logical reason, he slowly starts talking about everything

You earned his trust and love

He just wanna show and make you understand how perfect he is

But after telling how cool he is, his eyes get wet

Well, at home nobody says something like that because they are used to it

"DID YOU HEAR THAT MICHEAL?"

After your praise he starts working more

He's not someone who likes physical affection anyway, but he really needs time to hug you.

Donnie likes when you watch him while working, yes it is kinda stressing but he feels proud

You come to his room and give him a fruit plate while he is working new invention

"Mom, I can't eat while working."

"No."

MIKEY

THİS İS SO SWEET

You look so sweet, he runs to you and hugs you

You didn't even remember him, who is that child??

But after remembering who were, your heart is quickly warming up to Mikey

He will not ask why you didn't show up, this is not the right time to ask

He will spend now the time he couldn't spend in other years

You two gonna hold hands and wander through all the side streets of the hidden city

Mikey gonna draw you so much, that you can hear the sound of his pencil rubbing against the paper next to you while meditating

The next day he sees his picture framed on the wall

His mother is so lovely and cool, why dad didn't talk about her?

Maybe you broke up not very friendly

He will here to fix that

FAMILY DINNER TIME!

Even Draxum is here

I hope that night ends well 🙏

[multi-kpop-fanfics]

half past five high - Chapter 3 (Guilt and Decisions)

pairing: Joshua x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: mentions of food and alcohol, emotional stress, reader is Conflicted

word count: 1.2k

summary: Things seem to have regained the normalcy they used to have before you met Mingyu. But for how long?

Author’s note: would you look at that i actually posted the third chapter💀it’s kinda short, but it’s a good break....before the chaos :)

Taglist: @delicatewerewolfsoul @aliceu @husbandhoshi @wonwoosthetic @boowanie @mangogyu @billboard-singer @gaebestie @jaeyux @aurumness  @chwebychew

“Do you like it here, angel?”, Joshua takes a bite from his dish, asking you with a lovestruck glint in his eyes. “It’s wonderful, Shua”, you smile softly, taking a sip from your wine glass, swirling the bloody red liquid in it. “Have you been here before?”, “Only once, actually - it was when I first came to Korea, I really liked the atmosphere here and the smell of the food kinda pulled me in”, “How come you didn’t visit again?”, you ask, “I remember passing by a few months, but it was closed due to renovations and dumb me thought it was closed for good”, Joshua lets out a slightly defeated huff and you laugh at his expression.

“I bet it must have been a huge relief when you found out the renovations were over though”, you take a bite from your plate. ”Oh, you have no idea, baby. I booked the table as soon as I found out, I really wanted to come here with you”, he admits and you feel your heart swell with love as you look at your boyfriend, his eyes shaped into crescent moons, cheeks shining bright and his smile even brighter.

“You’re the sweetest I could ever have, Shua”, you reach out for his hand and he takes it without hesitation, his thumb gently brushing over the skin of your hand, his gaze momentarily fleeting over your empty ring finger.

“Shua, there’s something I wanna tell you”, you clear your throat, removing your hand from Joshua’s and smoothing over your dress. “What’s wrong, angel?”, his expression shifts from blissful to worried. 

I’ve been cheating on you with the asshole called Kim Mingyu, your brain screams, but the words that come out of your mouth are entirely different.

“I miss you. I miss the amount of time we used to spend together, whether it was in a different country or in our house, curled up under a blanket”, you say with a trembling voice, your fingers laced together, rubbing your knuckles - a thing you always do when you feel anxious. 

“I know, baby, I do too, believe me”, Joshua swallows, the tension getting thicker with each passing second. “I am at fault for this and I am fully aware”, “What? Shua, no-”, “Y/N, please let me finish”, he cuts you off and you nod, allowing him to continue. “Ever since Paris, I’ve been…caught up in my own world. Running around to set up everything for the exhibition, yet I’ve ignored the one person who has supported me since the beginning”, he explains, his voice laced with guilt, licking his lips nervously. “And that’s you, my love”, he takes your hands in his once more and you can feel the sincerity in his words pierce you through and through.

“Promise me, Y/N, promise me you’ll hold out just a little longer, only until the exhibition”, Joshua pleads, “This is all about you”. 

“I promise”, you squeeze his hands, “I trust you, Shua”, you smile at him and he lets out a sigh of relief, muttering a soft ‘thank you’, kissing your knuckles. “Now if you excuse me, but I need to go to the restroom”, you let out a laugh. “Of course, my lady”, Joshua lets go of your hands and you get up from the table, making a beeline for the restroom.

All about you.

Everything Joshua does is for you, you’re the center of his universe and he has proven it time and time again - even now, he’s trying his best to be with you, despite all the load of work that has piled up on his back.

The realization dawns on you and it’s enough to make you break down crying over the restroom sink, bringing your hands over your mouth to muffle your sobs. How could an angel like him be so madly in love with a pretentious person like you? 

Angel. One of the many nicknames Joshua calls you, but most likely his favorite, because that’s how he sees you. Ironic, isn’t it?

You lift your eyes up and they meet your reflection in the pristine mirror and it makes you feel like crying even harder because you look absolutely pitiful. Your mascara has started running down on your cheekbones (it wasn’t waterproof, apparently) and your eyes are blood red. If anything, you want to tidy yourself up so that Joshua won’t notice. Again.

It’s another sick repetition of today’s events, right before he returned home. Except this time you don’t have a certain someone threatening to expose you to your boyfriend.

You shake off all thoughts and take a few tissues from the box on the counter, patting them over the tap to wet them slightly and wipe your eyes clean of any mascara streaks, making yourself look decent enough. You exit the restroom and return to your table, Joshua welcoming you back with the same warm smile.

The rest of the evening passes by in a blur, your mood was somewhat lifted and no worries bothered you - you just enjoy your time with your boyfriend, laugh, drink and eat, until Joshua pays for the meal and you’re exiting the restaurant in a happy mood, his arm loosely draped over your waist as you make your way towards the car. 

The ride back home is smooth and filled with small talk, music playing in the background from the radio. Your head is a bit fuzzy from the wine, but you’re sober enough to understand what Joshua is saying and to respond to him. You probably dozed off at some point, because you did feel his hands softly shaking you, telling you that you’re finally home.

You’re in the bathroom, the turtleneck dress and strappy heels long gone, replaced by your silky pajamas, a pair of fuzzy slippers and a headband, doing your night time skincare as usual. Joshua comes behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, his chin resting on your shoulder. 

“You smell really nice”, he mutters and kisses the side of your neck, making you squirm. “I’m still not done with my skincare, Mister”, you chuckle and pat his arms, turning around and looping your arms around his neck. “I had a lot of fun today”, you admit with a small smile. “I’m so glad to hear that, angel”, Joshua smiles back, “I promise you that we won’t be separated ever again after the exhibition”, he says with an almost hushed voice, his lips mere centimeters away from yours. It feels like time has stopped and you wish it could stay like this.

“Come on, finish up here and come lay with me”, he nods towards your shared bed and you let out a laugh, turning your back to him and going back to your skincare routine. 

Reliving the moments you shared during the dinner date with Joshua, you realize that the thing you have now with Mingyu has no future, despite the insane sexual chemistry you have with him. He’s not the one, Joshua is.

Until the exhibition, you think, I’ll do it after the exhibition.

As if you’re tied to each other telepathically, Joshua has made up his own mind as well, his eyes fixated on the small black square velvet box in his hands.

“Until the exhibition”, he says, “I’ll do it after the exhibition”.

[reidjumpers]

Here Comes the Sun: Dumplings

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warning: mentions of food, some curse words, domestic bliss, Spencer being a little anxious

Series Summary: a journey of going through parenthood with Spencer Reid

Chapter Summary: When Spencer woke up to you making dumplings in the dining table, he knew he was in trouble.

Note: welcome to the first chapter of dad!Spencer series! For those who have faint heart, fear not, because I am not mean and I write this so we can all have serotonin boost together. Enjoy!

prologue, next chapter, series masterlist.

Nobody in their right mind would ever call Spencer Reid a fool. He might have encountered people that underestimate him or didn’t think he was as smart, yes, but no one would ever call him a fool. Not even when Emily joked about his IQ getting slashed into 60 in the presence of a beautiful woman. He had to silently agree with that statement. How could he not? In front of him was a very beautiful woman that he had the luxury to call her his wife. His beautiful, gorgeous, very understanding, intelligent wife.

But right now he definitely felt like a goddamn fool.

When Spencer woke up to an empty bed and the apartment smelled distinctively sweet like the bakery, he thought he was waking up on a really good day. But when he walked out the bedroom and spotted you sitting at the dining table calmly, a hum of songs from the speaker played in the background, and a stack of dumpling skin placed on the table, he knew he was in the doghouse.

It was common knowledge that whenever you’re stressed or upset upon something or someone, when life seemingly wants to fucks you over and over, you’d channel it through baked sweets or as strange as it sounds, dumplings. He never knew witnessing you silently make dumplings on the dining table with freshly baked cookies on the counter would be such a terrifying and worrisome sight to see.

Spencer stood silently in the doorway, rocking on his heels forward and backwards. He was quiet and careful not to burst the bubble of your own world. His mind started to run a few scenarios inside his head over and over, trying to walk through every minute by minute of every event in his life that had led him into today.

“Hey,” he greeted you after two solid minutes of thinking and couldn’t come up with any answer. His voice was gentle to not startle you as he pulled a chair across yours.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” you teased. It was 11:15 AM, you were most definitely saying that just to tease him.

Spencer rolled his eyes at your jab, silently reached for the dumpling skin in front of him and started to fill it with the filling. He had done this thousands of times over to know the right way to make dumplings. Your first few dates with him consisted of homemade dumplings and sipping wine. He was honored when you showed him how to make dumplings the way your grandmother did it, grinning as you said it’s a family secret and he promised to keep it as one.

“Are we having a guest?” Spencer asked as he put his own dumpling carefully into the designated plate. His dumpling would never be as good as yours no matter how much he tried, but he was proud that it was passable enough to your standard.

“No?” you furrowed your eyebrows, glancing up from your own dumpling. “Why?”

“You make more dumplings than usual,” he pointed out.

“Oh,” your voice was soft, barely audible, and he nearly missed it. “Didn’t realize that.”

Spencer nodded, reaching for another dumpling skin to soothe his worry away. Study has shown that repetitive action proven to soothe anxiety and increase focus. He could recite the study in his sleep, forward and backwards without stuttering. But the damned repetitive action of making dumplings didn’t work for him right now.

He cleared his throat. It is now and never. He would have to kiss his husband of the year trophy goodbye if he couldn’t figure out for his life what makes his wife this upset. “Hon?” he called for your attention.

You let out a hum of acknowledgement, eyes didn’t leave your dumpling for a second. It made the corner of his lips twisted downwards.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked gently, mindful not pressing you into telling him things. He knew you would never keep things away from him. You would tell him eventually, but he needed to hear it.

You, however, just scrunched your nose adorably in confusion. “Talk about what?”

“You bake cookies and make dumplings, and it’s just…” he craned his neck to take a glance towards the hanging clock above the cabinet. “It’s not even twelve yet.”

You blinked at his statement. “I’m hungry.”

“You do stress bake,” he patiently pointed out. Placing his yet another passable looking dumpling into the designated plate, he let out a sigh. “You also make dumplings when you’re stressed or upset. And now you do both first thing in the morning.”

“You know me so well, huh? You should marry me if you know me so well.”

“Already did, nine months ago,” Spencer rolled his eyes at your humor, but a smile graced his lips. “So, do you want to talk about it?”

You blinked at him again, nose scrunched up in confusion at his question. Spencer could feel silence slowly settling in, filling the gaps between you and him. His mind started to make a list of things that you like, making mental notes to make a short trip to a grocery store to pick up your favorite ice cream and take a reroute towards the flower shop he saw a week ago and picked up a bouquet of roses.

He was in the middle of mentally reciting his apology for fucking up when he heard you burst into a laughter. It took him a moment to register that the sound of you cackling so hard was not a mere figment of his imagination. He saw you laughing so hard, head thrown backwards overwhelming the small dining room.

“I’m sorry,” you hiccupped, wiping away tears from your eyes with your sleeve. Spencer would’ve smiled at the sight if he weren’t so puzzled. “Babe, are you really thinking I’m mad at you because I bake cookies and make dumplings?”

Spencer sputtered, “How could I not!” he huffed, throwing his hands into the air dramatically as you laugh upon his misery. “I was so worried! You always either bake or make dumplings when you’re upset, but never both! And now you do both and you keep dodging my question.”

“I didn’t mean to!” you said defensively between your laughter. You cleared your throat, not wanting to make the pout on Spencer’s lips even more prominent. “I guess my brain really associated cookies and dumplings as something comforting. I crave for some comfort food, and my brain just screams, ‘cookies and dumplings!’ I didn’t mean to make you worried, I’m sorry.”

“This much? You’re really hungry, huh?”

“Pretty hungry since I’m eating for two now.”

Spencer froze on his spot, his hand stopped midair before he was able to reach for another dumpling skin. He blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. “W-what?”

You just smiled cheekily at him. You got up from your seat and walked towards the kitchen, leaving him alone flabbergasted at your statement. You came back a minute later, a wide smile at your face and your hand tucked behind your back.

“Ta-da!” you cheerfully said, placing baby shoes on the table in front of him. Spencer let out a soft gasp, cooed at the sight of how tiny the shoes are.

“Are you…? Are we…?”

“Pregnant,” you finished his sentence for him with a wide grin. “I found out during our case in LA and I was meaning to tell you earlier, I swear! But the case got a little crazy and we’re whisked away into doing a lot of things at once.”

Spencer let out a shaky breath, staring into the baby shoes with eyes full of awe. The news still felt unreal for him, artificial, but the warmth blooming on his chest that slowly spreading through his system left him fuzzy. A small reminder that it was as real as he wanted to be.

You probably have mistaken his silence for something else as you shifted your weight from one foot to another. You started to fidget with the hem of your shirt, eyes not meeting his. “I know we agree to wait for a year, but–”

Spencer practically leaped from his seat and scooped you into his arms. His smile was so wide that his cheeks started to hurt. You let out a small yelp as he spun you around before he placed a tender kiss on your lips. “I love you,” he said between your kisses, grinning as he stole a few more small kisses.

You giggled between his kisses, your hand flew into his face and patted his cheeks as he assaulted your face with his lips. “I love you too, you big goof.”

“A baby, huh?” Spencer let out a happy sigh after he spared your life from his kisses. His hand nestled on your waist, gently swaying you in his arms. “We’ve got to start baby proofing the whole place, make sure there are no sharp edges,” he rambled.

“Spencer–”

“I’ll go to the bookstore and pick up some book about baby names! Do you think Jason is a good name?”

“I think–”

“Oh, we should start shopping for some clothes and socks too. Make sure they’re warm–”

“Spencer!” you interrupted his rambling with your hands squishing his face. You smiled at him as he blinked his eyes towards you slowly, a little fazed that you broke his train of thought. “I love all the planning ideas, but right now let’s just focus on making dumplings and feed three of us, okay?”

“Okay,” he breathed out, slowly collapsing into his seat again. “Okay. Dumplings…” he muttered to himself, grabbing the dumpling skin in front of him. “But seriously, what do you think about the name Jason?”

“It’s a lovely name.”

“Oh, common ground. I like that.”

====================================

Series tag list:

@measure-in-pain @wooya1224 @reidemandweep @manuosorioh

[imatechbummerliketomholland]

You are my world. you three are my world now - h.h

hello there! I'm back ! Sorry if it tooks so long, i have a lot of work during these holiday. I hope you like this little request. I didn't have time to be proofread (but a big thank you to@petersasteria who is always there to support me!). Remember that my native language is French, so don't be so mean if i made mistakes!

Feel free to like, share, comment and tell me what you think. Send me a message if you want to be added to the taglist for my next work!

Word count: 2300 Warning: angst, mention of pregnancy, small mention of blood, mention of placental abruption Pairing : harry holland Request: yes!

ღღღ

You didn't expect to be pregnant with twins at your age. The announcement of your pregnancy had also surprised more than one. Despite her support, Nikki Holland had still given the discourse on the importance of safe sex to her son. But Harry had given a more than mature speech in defense of both of you. He was able to prove to his family and to yours that you were ready and that the decision to continue the pregnancy was not rash.

You were now at the half of your eighth month and nothing could stand in the way of your happiness.

Nothing except maybe this.

Nikki had offered to have lunch with her this afternoon. Despite his work as a photographer, no longer having the company of his four children - since three of them left the family cocoon to live their own life as grown-up adults- weighed heavily on her. You accepted with pleasure. Harry, who was editing his third short film, had left you this morning to go to the edit suite, not without checking that you were okay. So, you joined Nikki at the restaurant. You shine in your long floral maternity dress. In the middle of the meal, you felt a violent contraction.

At almost eight months pregnant, it was no surprise that you could feel twins’ movements. You winced a little at the pain and your mother-in-law put a reassuring hand on your arm.

"Are you alright, darling?" she asking, a little bit worried.

"Yeah, yeah. They've just been in great shape for a few days now."

You apologized and went to the bathroom, struggling to cope with the pain of your contractions. When you noticed that your underwear was soaked with blood, your heart rate increased. You suddenly realized that a series of symptoms corresponded to what you had dreaded early in your pregnancy: the nausea that had occurred last night, the violent contractions since this morning and now the blood. Rather alerting signals that suggested a placental abruption. The obstetrician told you that this was a possible risk since you were having a twin pregnancy. You started to cry and panic for several minutes that Nikki ended up knocking on the bathroom door.

"Darling, is everything good in there?" she asked you with her sweet and worried voice.

"Could you come in please" you sobbed.

"Sure, darling. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

She stepped carefully into the disabled cabin that you had used for space reasons. Nikki immediately noticed your state of stress. And you just told her everything in strangled sobs. She put a hand behind your back and gave you a very serious look.

"We have to go to the ER. We're going right away."

"I want Harry"

"Don't worry, I'll call him on the way"

And you haven't wasted a minute. Nikki simply left her phone number and table number at the counter before you got into your car. Dom will retrieve Nikki one's later. Holland family been known from the restaurant, the staff were comprehensive about your leaving without paid the bill. When you arrived at the hospital, the nurses greeted you directly and wasted no time either. You were taken to the operating room without being able to get your boyfriend's support.

☙♥❧

Harry arrived within fifteen minutes of receiving the call from his mother. No doubt he would receive a speeding penalty ticket later. He looked like a madman, mortified by worry. He was a bundle of nerves and sarcasm. Her mother was standing by the reception desk, waiting for her. She looked anxious. Tom was there too, trying to contact their father on his phone. When Dom finally picked up, the oldest Holland brother announced the urgency. Harry was shaking with worry.

"What happened mom?"

"I don't really know, baby. We were at the restaurant and the babies kicked. She went to the bathroom and when she didn't come back, I went after her. That's where she asked me to come into the bathroom and you know the rest. I called you straight after that. " Nikki explained, trying to get the stress out of her.

"Oh my god… where is she now?"

"The medical staff took her for surgery. I had to wait here. I couldn't go with her, baby. I’m so sorry."

"Ok ... Ok, I guess I have to wait here. Hope she's okay. God, please make her be alright."

They all made their way to the operating theater hallway for the public to wait for more information. Tom was still on the phone with his father, explaining that it would be better if he stayed at home with Paddy so as not to overcrowd the waiting room. He promised his father that they would all give news as soon as possible. A nurse in a surgical gown entered ten minutes later.

“Who's the father of miss y/l/n's babies?”

“I am. Harry Holland, I’m the father!” he almost screamed and cried at the same time.

“Come with me”

Nikki stood up cautiously and walked over to the nurse. Harry was ready to follow the nurse without giving any further information to his family.

"Excuse me. Can you give us more information on her condition?" Nikki asked

"Sure. We had an emergency caesarean. The babies are fine but there seem to be some complications with the mother. The surgeon is taking care of her."

"Is she going to be okay?" Harry asked hastily.

"She's losing a lot of blood but we're doing our best. Now please follow me." She said to curly one.

☙♥❧

Harry followed her to the nursery. His heart was pounding in mixed emotions. He was so impatient to meet his babies but at the same time he was worried about you. What if you don't survive from the complications? What was to become of him? Would he be able to live without you? Would he be a good father?

His last question vanished when he saw his two little babies in the incubator. Your twins had arrived about fifteen, almost a month earlier than expected, it was normal that they were in an incubator. Harry was going to have to make sure they put on weight. After filling out a few papers, one of the nurses offered to do some skin-to-skin contact with the twins so that they could get to know the three of them. Harry could not but be impatient with this and once prepared he settled into a seat. He was overcome with emotion, understanding how his parents had felt when Sam and him were born. He completely forgets the time, spending several minutes with his sons, one after the other. Harry knew he would place all his love in the two little beings he had taken turns holding in his arms. He was ready to lift mountains, cross the tides. Part of his mind was on you and he truly hoped he could go through life's trials with you. May your family experience all the times they deserve.

The nurse who had brought him to the nursery go up to him with a half-smile. She was sorry to disturb him during this privileged father-son moment.

"Your ... hm ... miss (y/l/n) is in the recovery room. You can go see her now"

Harry's heart burst with relief. He let out a sigh he didn't know he was holding back. The very new father nodded before placing his son in the nurse's arms so that she could put him back in the incubator. He decided to go find his family who had been waiting too long now. When he entered the waiting room, his mother and brother were still seated. Tom had his elbows on his knees, the phone in his hand. He seemed to be talking to someone. When the actor noticed his brother's presence, he spoke to him.

"Hey mate, Sam's here. Wanna talk to him? What's up? Does y/n's alright? And the twins?"

"Too much question. Give me Sam first!"

But the result was exactly the same. Sam asked the same questions as Tom and Harry winced as he tried to answer consensually.

"Hello to you too, brother. The twins are fine. I swear to God Sam, they look like a mini version of us. Two sons by the way ... y/n is fine, she's in the recovery room, I'm going see her right after that. I wanted to talk to mom and Tom first. "

"Glad to know I'm the last to know." Sam informed sarcastically.

"Hey, I was going to call you but I had to, you know ... go meet my sons. Father's job, it seems."

Sam chuckled behind his phone screen as Harry smirked in a mischievous and petty manner. He ended the call with his twin and turned to his mother and Tom. Nikki made her understand that she had heard, she seemed relieved that you were okay.

"Hey, before I go see y/n ... you want to see your grandsons ... and you, your nephew and godson, asshole."

"Harry, language" said Nikki.

"Of course I want to see my godson, stupid"

"Tom!"

The two brothers smile at each other. Just because one became a father and the other was a movie star, didn't mean they were going to change their ways. It was also their way, both of them, to decompress events. Nikki sighed in annoyance but kept quiet, too happy to meet, even only through a window, her first grandchildren. After a brief walk in front of the nursery, Harry announced that he was going to find you, leaving his family to admire your twins. They seemed so impatient to meet them in person but knew they were going to have to wait while you woke up.

☙♥❧

Harry entered the recovery room and walked over to your bed. You seemed to have already woken up from your artificial sleep. He grabbed your hand to give you the support you needed. A feeling of emptiness was felt in you, your gaze landed on your stomach, flatter than you had seen in recent months. Your eyes widened in panic but the reassuring pressure of Harry's hand drew your attention to him.

"They are fine, my love. They are fine. They are in an incubator in the nursery."

You burst into tears. The emotions being so strong.

"I'm so sorry Harry. I'm sorry ..."

“Hey… hey… you don't have to. You're okay… the twins are okay. And I still love you, I love you more than ever."

"Have you seen them?"

"Yes ... ugly like their father" he joked

You chuckled with a few more tears in your voice. You knew he didn't mean it, but humor was Harry's best way to decompress, and it worked on you too.

"My family is here. You scared the hell out of them. I think Sam was about to order a flight to kick your ass."

You chuckled again. It was so impressive to see the love that reigned in this family. You could never have asked for a better way to build your own family. Harry leaned over to kiss you.

"I love you, y/n. You are my world. you three are my world now"

"I love you more, Harry."

You stayed a few more days before you could get out of the hospital. You had decided to introduce the twins after their own discharge from the hospital. That's why, after almost a month of going back and forth to the nursery, you could finally bring your twins home. So you organized a little visit to Harry's parents.

☙♥❧

The sun was shining on London and you squeezed the doorknob of one of the maxi-cozy, Harry carrying your second son as you opened the door to the Holland family home. You were amazed at the ease with which Harry assumed his role as father. He was doing so well that you fell in love with him again.

"Is there anyone here?" He asked

"We're all in the garden, buddy!" Tom said

"You are obviously in the kitchen, dummy"

"For god's sake, Harry. Come into this fucking garden and let us see the twins!"

You let out a frank laugh as you mentally noted that you were going to have to have a conversation with Harry and his brothers about the vocabulary they were using.

You are therefore entering the garden. You noticed right away that Sam had come all the way from Scotland. Harry must have organized this with him too. You smiled, Nikki rushed over to help you with the change bags and you thanked him.

"So where is my godson?" Tom asked in the same way he did at the FFH premiere when he was looking for Jake Gyllenhal.

"Where's mine?" Sam asked too.

You approached Sam, putting the maxycosy on the table to unbuckle the seat belt and take your son in your arms. Harry was doing the same with your second baby.

"I'm happy to introduce you y/s/n"

"And there's y/s/n(2)." Harry added, so proud.

Everyone raved about the twins as you wipe away a tear, happy and proud. You were so moved by the love that reigned. Harry came to kiss you on the forehead, you closed your eyes, appeased by his gesture. The world could only turn better in his company.

"It's family portrait time!" Nikki said, her camera in her hands. "Tom, please get closer to your brother. Sam, stand next to y / n"

You all followed Nikki's instructions, who couldn't be more than happy to capture this important moment, bringing her work and family life together. You all smiled as you and Harry were in the center of the photo, carrying your twins in your arms. And at that moment, you were sure that your life could not be more beautiful than at this moment.

[cheesygroove]

With a roll of the ice

pairing: Wheein x f!reader

c & ws: smut; ice play; sensory deprivation; mentions of alcohol; a lil swearing.

wc: 2k~

requested by anon

Round ice cube molds. You could have just gone for a regular plastic ice tray, the cheaper option at the store. But if it can serve a sexual purpose, why not? The process of moving to a new place with your girlfriend had you overanalyzing the simplest home utensils you needed. It was good to have that kind of freedom to choose.

Wheein just had the simpler intentions for it, though. One night, you came home to find her drinking alone at the still empty living room, lights all turned off. The lighted up fireplace was the sole reason you could see her, sitting with legs crossed and a glass in hand. A bunch of bottles, a second glass and her sketchbook, as well as her drawing materials, were all scattered around the floor.

"Whee, what are you doing...?" you asked while taking your shoes off. "I thought your group photoshoot was tomorrow," you worried about her drinking; better to not have to deal with a headache on the next day.

"I'm just having some coke. The alcohol is for you," she explained. "Can you get the ice for us?"

Not wanting to ruin the mood she set up, you used your phone flashlight to walk to the kitchen. There, you grabbed an ice bucket and emptied the silicone trays inside, shaking it a little to prevent the round cubes from sticking together.

"I would have picked it up before, but I didn't want it to melt before you arrived," Wheein said when you came back and placed the bucket on the floor.

"It's okay, babe," you assured, kissing her cheek tenderly after sitting by the fireplace with her. "Anxious because of work?"

She let out a sigh. You knew her really well.

"Getting better already, actually. It's good to have you here." Wheein smiled at you, stroking your knee with her hand. "I just needed to relax a little. Tomorrow is going to be a full day."

You nodded, reaching for a glass and the bottle of flavored vodka. Being so close to the fireplace, you reconsidered the idea of picking a drink that would burn you up even more. The current warmth was nice and it felt cozy, but it could be too much if you added more heat to it.

"Settling for the coke too? What a saint you've become," Wheein teased. A soft drink could be nice too, you thought, leaving your now full glass on the floor to look at her. She held a round ice cube between her thumb and index finger, rolling it slightly by moving both fingers in opposite directions. Well, now that brought you some thoughts back.

"This kind of... feels good," Wheein said, puppy-like eyes entertained with the water now dripping from her thumb, "it doesn't get sticky when it melts a little. And it rolls."

Right. It rolls. You pictured something like that, back at the store, wondering if it really would have this effect against her skin. Not simply dragging the ice across, but rolling it, gave a different perspective to everything. You bit your lip in excitement, now knowing your fantasy was real.

And well, why not feel this for yourself? One hand went to the bucket, but you needed both to get the ice out — it got stuck together. You appreciated the round shape inside of your mouth, rolling it around with your tongue, feeling your warmth slowly melting it. You sucked on the ice a little bit, stopping when Wheein's eyes met yours.

"You look really sexy doing this," she remarked. A side smirk allowed one of her dimples to show up, which turned into a laugh after you touched your own cheek, feeling the small ball formed by the ice. "So pretty."

You admired Wheein for a moment. Weak shadows danced around her figure, following the movement of the flames; hair recently dyed red held up in a neat bun, leaving her neck fully exposed. Around it she wore a bandeau, neatly positioned so that it didn't cover her Caddo tattoo. You found that detail particularly inviting, and added to the fact that she clearly wasn't wearing a bra...

"Why don't you try this too?" you suggested. The ice had melted already, but the cold sensation it left in your mouth, somehow, had you feeling hotter between your legs. "You'll find the temperature contrast sexier than me."

Wheein's gaze went down to your mouth, filled with desire for your humid lips.

"Can I try it from your source?"

"Please do."

Wheein really did move first. The coolness of your mouth warmed up in hers, as she simply stole that from you by chasing the kiss with all her greed. You felt like the flames from the fireplace itself had engulfed you when her legs wrapped around your waist, pulling you to the floor with her. Although when your lips parted, she was the one craving to cool it down.

"Oh my," she was able to say while gasping for air. Holding you by the back of your neck with both hands, she placed a few more quick presses against your lips before speaking again, "Hmmmm. I liked that it was... unexpected. Your mouth felt so soft from the cold."

You smiled when her fingers delicately caressed your cheek, tucking a strand of loose hair behind your ear. Wheein had her eyes on something else while doing it, though. Still holding your weight over her body with your elbows, you looked over your shoulder to discover that she eyed the ice bucket.

"Wanna try that again? With more than a kiss?" you asked, full of a smug satisfaction because the question wasn't even necessary — Wheein's pleading face spoke for itself.

_____

"Love, you really trust me a lot for this, huh," you said while tying the bandeau to the back of her head to use it as a blindfold. Depriving her from the sense of sight was part of your original fantasy, a way to allow her to have a better focus on the hot and cold feeling.

Wheein sat between your spread legs, backing herself into your lap after you moved closer to the fireplace. The orange light of the fire was now able to fully glow on her naked body. The air felt thick and hot when you breathed in, and a little sweat started building up on your back.

"I trust you more than I probably should," she whispered, leaning on your shoulder to place a few kisses along your jawline, "but you always repay it well."

"Right," you agreed, gently undoing Wheein's bun and letting the hair fall on her shoulders, making contact with your bare chest. One hand gave it a gentle tug, while you stretched the other arm to reach for the ice bucket, taking a round ice out. It quickly started wetting your palm, being just perfect for what you wanted to do. You got her hair out of the way with a harsh pull, pressing the ice against her neck. "I always make you feel so good."

Wheein's first reaction was to recoil at the sudden cold feeling, gasping loudly, but you held the ice in place with a strong grip on her neck.

"Shhhh, Wheeinie," you whispered on her ear as her gasping slowly turned into moaning, pleased with you using your palm to roll the ice against her skin, "this is just a massage. We haven't even started yet."

When it melted into a piece too small to be rolled, you simply dragged it across her chest, stopping at an already hardened nipple. The sensation of her skin under your cooled fingers felt softer than usual, the increased sensitivity having you muttering a curse against the back of her neck. Your other hand fetched for more round ice while you still held her boob, squeezing her nipple. Water dripped from your fingers and rolled down her stomach.

"More. Please," Wheein begged impatiently. Her hands were on your thighs, which were reddening from her burying her nails on them every time you did something right. You hoped to see a mark there by the end of the night.

"If you keep hurrying me up, I won't be gentle," you warned, shoving the ice against the boob you had neglected before and holding it strongly. Wheein's scream at the sudden shock ended up in a loud cry, her back arching at you circling the cube around her nipple. "Is that what you want, huh?"

"Uh-huh," she was able to shout out in agreement between her delicious moans, head now dropped backwards onto your shoulder. You moved your body to the side so you could whisper directly at her ear.

"What a slut you are."

Wheein lustfully mumbled a few yes yes yes I am when you stressed that word, like she had done many times before. She gasped in surprise when you stopped rolling the ice on her nipple, and gasped even harder when you took that same nipple in your mouth. Sucking the cold out of it. What was left of that cube you used to roll down her body, leaving behind a trail of water and stopping just before her pussy.

"Did you make a mess on the floor, Wheein...?" you asked.

You had inclined your head forward to look at the space between her legs. With all the action, Wheein had her knees up and under her chin, throbbing cunt fully exposed to the hot air. She was dripping on the floor, so much was the arousal.

"Hmmmmm, no. There's a lot of ice melting here," she lied. You smirked while thinking of how you would punish Wheein for that, one hand drowned in the bucket and getting really cold. The round cubes were now slowly turning into water altogether, coming out already humid — which meant that you didn't need to wait before using it on her.

"I would've been way nicer to you, Whee," you said, "but you don't deserve it."

Ring and middle finger squeezed her labia on each side, making the hole wider for the ice. Her reaction to the intimate contact with the cold immediately showed that she wanted you to put it in, her nails definitely leaving your thigh scratched this time. Instead, you simply stimulated her entrance, rolling and rubbing the round ice against it, even letting just a tip in. Wheein moaned sweetly, whispering your name, almost begging you to fuck her.

You took the ice into your mouth before it fully melted, wanting to taste her liquid even if the water was mixed in. Wheein grunted in annoyance from that, but there wasn't time to take her protests further — the same fingers which squeezed her open before now slid with ease inside of her, producing sweet wet sounds with each pump in. Part of you wanted to grab more ice, to roll it on her skin, to do anything, but you couldn't do much when her moans and then screams of pleasure filled your ears. Your hand was soaked with her climax in almost no time.

"Mmmmhm... Can't believe you didn't..."

You laughed when her words kept trailing off — Wheein was absolutely spent. She tiredly dropped into your arms after her orgasm, trying but failing to sound her complaints. Now any warmth was welcome, yours or from the fireplace, her hands pressing yours against her body to hug her tighter.

"What? You really wanna complain when I left you in this state?" you scoffed while gently removing the bandeau she wore as a blindfold.

Wheein sat up to face you, narrowing her eyes and pouting her mouth. She trembled a bit, still lacking the necessary balance, but kept her posture.

"I... I... Fuck." She gulped and shook her head, recollecting herself. "I just wanted you to roll the ice inside of me!"

ao3 link

[a-very-tired-raven]

EEEEEEE so I've been in a writing mood as of late and I needed some help for a writing prompt. One of my best Tumblr friends(@let-love-run-red go check her out!!! She writes amazing garcello fics and headcanons and is a big inspiration for me!!)helped me out! This'll be a lil angsty sorry not sorry lol

•Nothing to lose•

(Trigger warnings!:Mentions of abuse,death,homelessness, multiple past abusive relationships,and bad cigarette habbits!)

You burst out laughing for what seemed to be the 10th time day as your buddy Garcello told yet another joke. "Seriously tho cello! That one was terrible! " He shot you a wink "heh your smiling though." You tried to wipe the smirk off your face. Unsuccessfully. "Am not" you playfully swatted his arm. He just shrugs "Whatever helps you sleep at night kid."

You roll your eyes, "Hey I'm not the one wearing a long sleeved coat and Jeans in the middle of summer" You sent a playful glare. "Your absolutely nuts!" He returns your glare. "Hey at least I'm not the one who's only clothes are T-shirts,shorts and Hoodies! All you ever wear are T-shirts and shorts. Your the crazy one. I don't see how you don't ever get cold"

You smile softy as you see the way he talks with his hands moving everywhere while he rants. I mean.. you do too its just nice to see someone else not pick on you for that. Its... nice to have someone who doesn't judge you for who you are whatsoever. It's been hard,taking care of three siblings all by yourself. Most would shy aways and call you crazy weird,disgusting,freak you've heard it all. Garcello...

Garcello was different.

"Y/n?"

You snap your head up effectively cutting off your somewhat depressing thoughts. "Hm?" You look over. "Are you alright? Ya kinda zoned out on me. I mean I know I can be boring at times but I didn't know I was a snooze fest" Besides his joking banter he has a face full of worry, Beautiful golden eyes scanning your face as if searching for the answer to a murder mystery.

"Nahh your not that boring. Promise. And..yeah I'm fine. Just kinda spaced out y'know?" He nods his head in agreement. You both slow to a stop. He chuckles a bit and turns to you. "Yeah yeah I know, it's just... I recognize that look, Y/N. Believe me I do.. im sorry to be a buzz kill but.. you know you can talk to me. About anything right?" You give that soft and kind smile that melts his heart every rare occasion he gets to see it. You never smile enough..

Sure there's the joking but... genuine smiles,ones that don't cover a dark and rough interior. He knows first hand what that feels like. So.. he tries. He's tries all he can to get you to smile that genuine smile as often as can be. For both your sakes.

"I know garcy. And thank you. Glad to know it still stands." You give him a quick hug that immediately makes his cheeks warm. He's really thankful for the shade his cap gives his face right about now. "I'll see you later alright? And tell Annie I said hey!" "Alrighty will do! And get some rest tonight okay? Cya." You nod a okay and walk inside your apartment.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You stare holes into the ceiling. Past memories flash through your mind. Your mother, and father. You were disgusted to call them that. Helping and raising your siblings. Her...death.. being homeless..heh something both you and garcello share in common. Picking up your smoking habbit.. heh another thing. Meeting him.. These past few months.

Its been hard...but its been good. You have a roof over your head. Your four siblings are okay. You haven't seen your older brother in a while but he gave you a call. You have food, water,and.. Garcello and Annie. A smile works its was on your face.

I'm glad I met him' a soft smile works its way onto your face until you realize you thought just garcello and not both him and his sister. YES you love them both- like a family-its not like that- ugh why does thoughts have to be complicated!! You roll over,you have to get to sleep. Garcello told you to! And he said he wanted to meet up for something again. You slowly drift off.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Garcello was antsy the whole walk to the park;the place you two agreed to meet. His face was a mad red. He had your favorite flowers and your favorite candy! Reeces pieces and snickers. He's never done anything like this before. Confessing he means. Sure he's asked a few chick's out but... Nobody important or someone he cares about, nobody like you. You changed his entire life in just the few months he's knew you.. He hopes you'll say yes. then again.. his hopes are all the way up.. who'd wanna date guy like him?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You look up from your phone to see garcello approaching you. He's very...stressed? No... anxious? Yes Anxious for lack of a better work. With his hands behind his back...Hmmm....

"Hey cello, whatcha got there? You got murder on your mind?" You give a teasing smirk. He just immediately freezes. "I-um-uhm. No. I uh got ya somethin' if that's alright?" He very stiffly sits in front of you. He's sweating bullets. Geeze what's got him this worked up.. "Dang cello with how your acting Ida thought you were askin' me out" you give a light chuckle. He freezes completely.

"Heh uh yeah heh...um..here..you go.. I bought these. For you.. Noone else. Heh" He awkwardly places a two boxes of your favorite candy and holds out a large boutique of your favorite flowers. You freeze completely, mouth hanging open in shock."Y/N...I've liked you for a while now.. your so nice and thoughtful...and you understand me. I was maybe hoping you'd go on a date? With me?" His face is cherry red.

What. He can't be serious? Really he can't. Nobody would ever like you that. Yes you love him.. but you can't afford to love him. Caring gets you hurt. And being vulnerable gets you killed mentally as well as physically You've long sense learned this from your past three relationships

"Are you serious?..Garcello... I cant.. I can't accept this.."

Your heart sinks as you watch the hope glittering off his eyes dim

"Of course I am! Y/N I love you..." Your both standing up at this point. Your both shaking.

"And garcello... I know-i know but please-i just cant!"

"At least tell me why? Am I not enough? I thought... maybe you'd understand.." He drops the boutique. He..he knew it..your too good for him...He really does disappoint everyone..

"Garcello I just cant!can't"! You don't notice the tears spilling down your face at this point.

"But why! I love you! I really do! You mean so much to me!" You take a step back.

"Just stop! don't do that to me Garcello! Dont give me hope! Never ever give me something I want, something I want as bad as you!"

"Why" he's pleading with you so hard..please...just tell him..

"BECAUSE THEN I HAVE SOMETHING TO LOSE!" You hadn't ment to scream. Your fists are clenched and eyes shut tight, you feel as if you might collapse at any moment. Garcello's stunned into silence. "And then I'll be open to get hurt... and I just.." You let out a broken sob. "I'm just so tired of being hurt" you don't move as he engulfs you into a hug.

"And as much as I love you too.. I can't risk being vulnerable again... raising 3 siblings and protecting them so at least they can have a good childhood while you haven't even had on yourself..." You don't notice tears of his own dropping on your shirt. "Being backstabbed and left broken with Noone to fix you...I just can't do it again..." He let's out a broken whisper. "I know Y/N.. I know more than you ever will."

Your just left there hugging in silence. You've decided. You can talk it out because as you were too blind by fear. Fear of being hurt again... he's just like you,two broken puzzle pieces that fit together.

Hope yall like it! Promt idea goes to @let-love-run-red ! Go follow and check her out!

I accept any and all constructive criticism!,