#all i know is im gonna cry literally the entire day tomorrow

[vypridae]

guys im so salty i dont want to go to school tomorrow i dont want to be walking around in the almost negative temperatures tomorrow what kind of BULLSHIT

[ryomaandgundhamkin]

I hate my life.

vent HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA KILL ME

V

—-

don’t mind me. omg this vent isn’t about art for once. MOSTLY BECAUSE IM SO FUCKING STRESSED ABOUT SCHOOL RIGHT NOW I WAS ACTUALLY FUCKING CRYING AND BREAKING DOWN. to be fair im crying rn but still. fml.

so: tomorrow, I have a test for math. thats not the worse thing but im gonna do bad on it. I HAVE TO PRESENT 2 SEPERATE SLIDESHOWS TOMORROW. one is in my 5th period the other is in my 6th period. so you wanna know why it’s so bad huh. 6th period I technically might not have to present or I can choose not to (just gotta tell my teacher tho). now let me rant about 5th period

LITERALLY we were working on a slideshow for 2 days, technically 3 though. since I don’t want to call out anyone im just gonna refer to them by CLASSMATE A, CLASSMATE B and CLASSMATE C. so, we were assigned roles in the group, keep in mind the group was randomized. CLASSMATE A chose to be the writer for the slides, CLASSMATE B chose to be in charge of visuals, CLASSMATE C is in charge of production and I unintentionally forgot what my role is, but it’s not related to the slideshow. so, we were supposed to make the slideshow, right? not me but CLASSMATE A and CLASSMATE B. those fucking idiots were goofing around on the computers the whole time and walking around talking to other classmates I’m actually surprised [my teacher] didn’t notice at all for those days in class.

CLASSMATE C is quiet and, no offense, they’re a fucking weirdo. im sorry. literally but like im not wrong. so basically they were doing nothing, and i dont even know why CLASSMATE C chose to be in charge of production, which is reading the slideshow when they present, when they literally whisper all the time and cannot present AT ALL.

so, since all my classmates in my group were not doing their work, because they’re actually stupid as hell, I had to make the slideshow all on my own. I WAS EVEN SO KIND TO DRAW DESIGNS ON PROCREATE AND INSERT THEM (took me an hour total). my classmates actually rude but i refuse to believe that honestly.

since our writer wasn’t fucking writing, and the person for visuals wasn’t putting visuals, then guess who had to do it? ME. FUCKING ME. LITERALLY IT SUCKED. It came out really nice but they did nothing at all. also, they knew nothing about our topic nearly, so they didn’t know what to write and PRETENDED they knew what to write. yeah they went back to playing fucking Minecraft on their computer. SO I ended up having to write 3, technically 4, ENTIRE SLIDES for the presentation. I was stressed as fuck but I didn’t know it because I didn’t want them to feel bad. also same for the visuals- I got images and inserted them into the slideshow. yeah you know how long that took? 20 minutes. Because it was hard to find rlly good images for the slides.

anyways, the slides were done, and I was the only one in my group who actually understood the assignment. so, tomorrow, I’m gonna present. i think. if i have a breakdown during the presentation that’s literally not my fault btw. I bet those assholes are fucking playing fortnite right now ignoring the assignment. fml

also- I told [my teacher] that they weren’t working. I really didn’t want to because I was trying to be as nice as possible to them and patient and shit. so [my teacher] talked to them and got them to work. for 5 minutes. then they went back to goofing around/doing nothing. and then I actually started getting annoyed but I didn’t tell them. And I guess in the only one presenting because those idiots don’t know how to fucking read and they don’t understand a thing about this assignment. But seriously - I didn’t want them to get in trouble or anything because id feel bad and I’m not like that. I’d rather do all the work if they don’t know how to.

worse part? I’m pretty sure it’s a shared grade. if I do good, they get credit.

anyways. planning to send my teacher a message about that so I don’t have to do it. because I actually hate my group. if they find me on here and find out it’s me then tell them that I fucking hate them and they can go kill themselves brutally.

finna kill myself rn hahahahahhahahhaahahahahahhaha I’m actually going in sane I am going to fucking break down right now bye

@kiwikay3

[neverthatsirius-jo]

jo is very silly and uses her tumblr blog as a journal part fourty seven

ok so basically today all was going well, we sat together in this class and the professor could not be bothered to give the class so he just sat there and she spent the entire time telling me stories about her life.

we then went to a café to meet up with two of the other girls in our group and she k—WAIT I REMEMBEREDDDD as we walked she looped our arms together 😔💗

at the café she kept telling me the story and silly ass me kind of got teary-eyed cause i got bummed out all of a sudden cause what she was telling me reminded me of some issues im having with a long distance friend anyway (me airing out all my business ok). i felt like she noticed but at the time she didn’t say anything. i ended up telling her some words of encouragement and that she could talk to me whenever she needed and her face is literally this emoji: 🥹 so she hugs me 😦✨🥳💗🤍

WAITTT I JUST FOUND OUT SOMETHING ELSJWJWJSAHS ok im sorry this is chaotic. i just went to instagram cause i was taking a break from writing this and she posted a story where the prompt was like a few random photos of your week SHE PUT A PHOTO OF OUR NAMES WRITTEN ON THE TABLE THE THING I TALKED ABOUT THE OTHER DAY well anyways

we go to a park nearby all four of us and that’s when things start going downhill cause by that point im trying real hard to hold the tears in, i cant talk so im just listening to them, tbh i don’t know what happened cause i had been having a good day. and i felt worse cause i couldn’t join in on the conversation and felt i was being boring. one of them asks me if im okay and i let out a very squeaky YEAH but i manage not to cry. we are walking to go to class again when she <3 stops me and asks me: okay, why are you crying?

AND I BREAK (guys this can’t keep happening, it’s been two times before this one but i cant hold it in if you ask me if im ok !!) and im like: dude im so embarrassed im sorry. and they of course are the sweetest girls in the world and they are trying to comfort me and she says: was it something i said?

and im like: what noo

so then she brings up the café and tells me my eyes had gotten all glossy and im like oh well yeah. but i explain it wasn’t what she said but rather that it reminded me of something

but im sobbing so they ask me if i want to skip class and distract myself for a bit and they all skip with me 🤧 and we go to another café we always go 🤧 and they tell me i can talk to them but if i don’t want to that’s fine 🤧

oh and at one point in the park she rested her head on my shoulder while she was looking for something on her phone and i swear i forgot how to breathe, i became a statue. tried to act nonchalant (failed probably)

anyways she buys a chocolate milk and when we sit down she puts it in front of me, and i look at her and im like ??? and she’s like: for you ☺️

i accept it but i tell her im gonna repay it (guess who’s buying her one of the breads that she likes tomorrow :p). they keep chatting and im kinda lost in my own thoughts trying to chime in every once in a while. i was waiting for the milk to get a bit colder before putting the chocolate but she sees me and asks me: do you want me to prepare it? GUYSSSS 😭

i tell her no and after a while she asks me again if i want to talk. I START CRYING AGAIN NOO HAHS but i open up (miracle) and they are so kind and they try to give me advice and offer comfort :((

by the end i felt much better and she gave me a hug and rubbed my back and i was like noo dont that 😖

we group-hugged and went to the last class of the day and on the bus back home i listened to maybe by gabriela bee which was probably a bad choice in such circumstances :))

[screampied]

i literally am obsessed with all your works the tojis dbf series CHEFS KISSSS. and honestly just how well you write in general <33

was wondering if you could write any threesome or any group sex stuff? honestly doesnt matter what character would js love to see it!!!!

AGAIN LOVE U AND ALL UR WORKS <333

thank YOUUUUU😞💓 i’m so glad u enjoyed it 🙂‍↕️

yes !!! i’ve written lots of threesomes already, actually i meant to post a satosugu fic today for gojo’s series but TUMBLR DIDNT SAVE HALF OF MY WORDS i actually wanna cry 🙂🙂🙂 i just had a few more paragraphs then was about to write the ending but NO. that’s my fault for not writing on docs but still like 💔💔💔 now i have to memorize what i wrote and—i can’t be bothered LMAO im just gonna post tmrw omgee

as for group sex i’m not sure !!! 🫨🫨 i know a few anons were talking to me about foursomes they’d like for me to write in the future so there’s that 💓 but yh, i’ve been reaaaal busy this entire week but i’m free for like eighteen days so hopefully i can post tomorrow and MY STUFF WONT GET DELETED

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

Hey! On your poll I was going back and forth between yes and secret third thing BECAUSE I do think Izzy displays homophobia in the show. However, I interpret the incident you referred to as mostly misogyny i.e. that "real men don't show feelings." I think the derogatory words and actions towards Lucius and Stede are way more homophobic, but they're connected for sure.

I think the emphasis on boyfriend is making fun of him for being emotional that a man he loves isn't there and he wanted to remind him that (to Ed's understanding) Stede didn't care enough.

Tldr - izzy is homophobic for reasons outside of this scene, but his gorilla grip on societal standards of men bleed into his view of queer men, especially those who aren't "masc" enough for him

anon my beloved i must apologize in advance bc i had a very weird and emotionally draining day today and i am very tired right now. so i don’t know that this is going to be coherent. but also i like this ask and i want to say words about it before that poll expires tomorrow so i’m just gonna slap some shit together here and hope it makes sense

so first thing’s first, i definitely agree that izzy does homophobia all over the show. the reason i picked out this scene and that line specifically is because imo “pining for his boyfriend” literally sounds like a dumb middle school boy bullying his classmates on the playground. which is to say that it sounds like the most simple-minded homophobic taunt in the world. like i always think abt this scene in the last season of the magnus archives when the main character and his boyfriend roll up to some dumb meathead bully type who goes “who’s this, your boyfriend?” and the whole fandom was like “wow i can’t believe this guy is homophobic.” bc even if the bully is literally correct and the guy is actually his boyfriend, saying “boyfriend” in that tone is saying “boyfriend” like it’s an insult. which, clearly, is homophobic.

so yeah mocking ed for the pining bit is kinda more on the “boys don’t cry” misogyny side of things like you said, but the way izzy tilts his head and draws out the first vowel in “booooyfriend” to me reads like the single most straightforward and undeniable instance of izzy being homophobic in the entire show. bc even if (and this is a big if) izzy doesn’t actually care abt ed having a boyfriend and is just trying to goad ed into being blackbeard again bc izzy needs blackbeard to feel safe, the way izzy is choosing to go about bullying ed into being blackbeard again is through grade school level homophobic taunting.

however you are not wrong that there is also misogyny going on in that scene. and that is because these things are all so deeply intertwined it’s impossible to say where one ends and where the other begins. and this is where i don’t think i’m going to be able to maintain coherency lol but i’m gonna do my best!!!

like the thing with homophobia is that at it’s core, it’s about men not doing gender right. bc gender roles in western society are a fucking shitshow and the expectations for how men and women are supposed to behave extend into every facet of people’s lives. like we all know the basic “boys don’t cry, women are caretakers, men are tough and macho, women are soft, men are hard, etc etc” stuff. but one of the biggest areas where society has strict expectations of how men and women should behave is about sexuality.

men are expected to be attracted to women, obviously. but also men are often expected to be overtly sexual. having a high sex drive is tied to many guys’s concept of their own masculinity and their sense of personal identity. like this should feel like common knowledge right, the idea that some guys build their identity around “getting bitches” or whatever?

(the societal expectations for women and sexuality are a whole other shitshow that people have written entire essays and articles and books on, but im not gonna get into that here bc we’re talking abt ofmd, and this show is focusing on challenging society’s ideas about what it means to be a man)

the other thing with gender roles, and with male gender roles specifically. is that of the two genders that western society has expectations for, manhood is seen as superior. so when a guy is unable to perform masculinity to society’s standards, he is seen as less than a man. and what’s less than a man?

a woman.

men who fail to adhere to a certain expectation of masculinity are insulted by being likened to women. it’s why guys will literally say “don’t be such a girl about it” when another guy gets emotional about something. hell, it happens to stede in the show!! calico jack calls him “the big gal,” the british describe him as “a heavyset woman in a silk dressing gown.” stede is someone whose gender presentation does not match what is expected of him At All, from his clothes to his crying to his picking flowers to just his mannerisms and how he is. and stede has faced constant ridicule because of this.

so like. it all gets real tangled together. and a lot of the time it’s hard to say which is “more” present, homophobia or misogyny. insulting a man by calling him gay, insulting a man by comparing him to a woman, those things go hand in hand. having a gorilla grip worldview on how men “should” behave leads people to policing how men, both cishet and queer, perform gender and experience attraction.

so like, izzy’s general vibe of not caring if ed has gay sex, but absolutely caring if ed bottoms during that sex and caring if ed actually falls in love and cares about a man? that concept of masculinity, which calico jack is also shown to adhere to? homophobic. just like how his treatment of stede and lucius for being “less masculine” is homophobic.

[dimension20npcofalltime]

My Favourite Tags / Reblogs of Round Two

Yeah sorry this one's long

#the yogurt man deserves this

Loose Duke did NOT hide for nearly an entire season in a spaceship’s vents, personally haunting Emily Axford the real person’s mind, to lose. - inkytrinket-irii

#loose duke is the only npc that gets better the less you see him

#hell yes! BIM SWEEP!#all the calroy girlies see his canon artwork and run for the hills. pathetic.#that man is a slice of cake and he’s sexier than any pink​​​-haired twink you could possibly draw

#chose calroy bc of that one monologue that out of context makes a crown of Candy sound like the most intense historical war period piece#to ever exist#also bc I did not watch sophmore year

#calroy sweep are you kidding#the gayest slice of cake to ever live

#hardest decision of my life 5ever#shit in your mouth vs watch me shit? how could i ever decide between those two?#(it was calroy easily)

#voted ox just so it's not a complete wipe. he's a Good Boy and i'm love him#but he doesn't stand a chance against the unhinged all-consuming-devotion dykery that is wuvvy

#i love garthy but Aelwyn has been giving me brainrot for the padt few months#the kind of character you want to snap in half and then cry about it

#it’s tough because aelwyns whole deal makes me cry#but on the other hand garthy is hot as hell

#ough this is hard#on one hand aelwyn is v complex and is central to adaines development in fhsy#on the other hand... garthy's voice is hot as hell and they are chill as hell#i GUESS ill pick aelwyn. im just saying i hate asmr but if it was garthy i think all my stress would melt away

#GUYS COME ON I KNOW GARTHY IS HOT BUT.#LOOK AT HER#SOPPING WET CAT OF A GIRL ALSO REMEMBER WHEN SHE WALKED INTO A LUDICROUS PARTY#OF HER OWN MAKING#SMASHED TWO BOTTLE OF LIQUOR AND MAGICED THAT SHIT STRAIGHT DOWN HER THROAT???#she is so everything to me Adaine in the first minutes of the campaign immediately tries to murder her#she shut down her mind to survive torture and kept her personality in a black box only her sister could open#sibling relationship of all time guys

#i love them both#but it has to be john feathers#most guy of all time despite literally being a bird

#if you're not gonna beat up a bunch of angels to give your wife tax advice don't even look at dale

#WHY is esther losing!!!#justice for my girl#my girl has the only braincell in NYC#released from her curse and immediately jumps the hot firefighter#nothing but respect

#one of the very few acoc characters i'll vote against without hesitation#ESPECIALLY for baron my god i love that little freak

#baron you funky creation from aroace fear

#i love dr lugash so fucking much#but you really put him up against annabelle cheddar? the most dyke 5ever?#i love her sm

#lugash would want you to vote annabell#because he is lgbt ally

#why does raghs art have him dressed as a dad at a barbecue#actually you know what he IS gay and it makes sense for him to be that flavor of gay

#plug's gonna lose a poll the same day he's gonna die- tomorrow

#Wilma!!!#or did y'all forget our education on docking

#vote caramelinda my god she deserves this win#also she's canonically lesbian. dyke rights.

[lou-blooms-bitch]

diary entry

woah cursive

whatever this is, i dont know if i like this or not

fancy shmancy

anyways its currently 2:26 am im tired as shit but i cant fucking sleep.

i cant wait to get home tho. tomorrows our last day here and holy fucking shit ive never been happier to be going home from a holiday. i miss my cats so much and i dont think i like not seeing my dad for this long.. although we live in the same house and sometimes dont see eachother for entire days, i do miss his fuckery.

i miss my babies most of all tho, ive been worried sick this entire time with paranoid thoughts about them not being okay or being sick or god forbid passed on. ive been so worried. so fucking worried and scared. i dont even know why really. i think i just have a lot of fear within me.

and then aswell my period is due sometime soon and i know i said that like 2 weeks ago but i thought wrong but its definitely coming in the next week or two so i was kinda worried about that the entire time too. really did not wanna be bleeding from my cooch on holidays.

and then aswell i think i just miss home. i havent been sleeping too great either, it fucking sucks. like ive been so drained this whole time and i think i just need a mid day nap in my bed that i wake up all discombobulated from… and my babies.. i miss my cats so much man. i feel like im gonna cry if i keep talking about them but god i cant wait to see them. were gonna go to lauryns at some point too and see her cats which im really excited about. i love her cats to bits, especially boo !!! oh my god boo is such a lovely little cat and shes so fluffy and soft too but she makes my allergies act up so thats not good but like i really could care less ill take the allergic reaction over not being able to cuddle her. omg and little buster too cant wait to see him hes such a cutie. and of course nugget and gem theyre funny little things.

but god how i miss molly and scamps. i cant wait to get home and see how scamp is, ive been wondering if shell be all crazy running around and meowing when were home lol. idk about molly tho this is the first time ive been gone so long being so close with her, i wonder how shell be. i hope shes happy to see me god ive missed her so fucking much.

i might be getting an ipad too and a pencil ?!! im gonna have to wait to get home to talk to mother about it but i really hope that she says yes. everything ive tried to do the maths for just wont work out

like if i spend 100 per month itll take me basically a whole year to get it

if i spend 50 per month itll take me 7 months to get it

and if i spend 40 per month (which simply just wont work out) itll take me 5 months to get it

and like that was the shortest amount of time i could come up with

like i know its an ipad and pencil and then a drawing app (probs procreate or something iwl) on top of that and its gonna take a while to save up for like im not stupid im just impatient and ive really been wanting to do digital art but my surface is literally going to explode

like i shit you not the battery in it is inflated and the screen is taped together. like thats not okay. that thing will explode on me and disfigure me forever. not risking that.

but im just fucking PRAYING that my mam gets it for me when im home and i can just pay her like x amount per month or even just what i have left over cuz im fairly good at saving money its just that theres a lot of shit in between that i spend it on like alcohol and shit so

but yeah i cant fucking wait to get home man ive been feeling down and theres no better place to feel down than in your indented bed from where you sleep every night. i wonder how that indent is actually. i hope its gone back up lowkey.. like its not even an indent its a full on dip in my bed from me sitting there all day its crazy

anyways im gonna go its like 2:49 am and im fucking tired

goodnight and godbless

GOD IVE SEEN WHAT YOU DO FOR OTHERS PLS LET ME GET THE FUCKING IPAD I CANT WITH TRADITIONAL ART ANYMORE

[amousewithnocheese]

tw// sensitive topics, $h mention

dude im so done like actually. first of all on fridat i was like just so upset but my friend came over and ofc i couodnt just be depressed the entire time so basiclaly i just oretended to be fine the entire time. then yesterday i just spiraled further and further down worse and worse.

my mood was just so bad and my mom kept yelling at me and it was so bad i considered cvtting (but i didnt.) and i went to bed thinking “oh well itll be better tomorrow” no.

the first thing i woke up to was my mom saying she was taking my phone away bc i “took it late at night” and she was actualy hiding it and she let me LITERALLY BEAT MYSELF UP OVER IT (like HITTING MYSELF) looking for this stupid phone and she just watched i was crying for SO LONG and then when i founf it she was like “oh its just a test.” LIKE. and i tried to tell her abt how last night was do hard and she was like “omg well think abt me….” and started crying like.

then she said like oh ok im gonna take a nap and relax. and i was like ok. then we went to the bookstore but the entire time, she was like pushing me even though i kept saying stop. and ruined the experience for me. i only get to go to the store for books twice a year and she said she didn’t care and ruined it for me.

shes just been on my ass all day abt like chores and she just cant STOP yelling. like ok thanks.

dude does everything even matter anymore?????? mb i shld have cvt when i had the chance :////// im so pissed.

- 🐶

im super duper sorry :((( i know it’s difficult but try not to hurt yourself?/im glad you didn’t!! cause it might only help for a few minutes and then make you sad afterwards, yknow? it sounds like you had a super rough weekend and i hope next weekend is better!!! you didnt deserve to have such an icky few days :( im here for you 🫂🫂

[aamethyst000]

i didn't realize exacctly how slow my progress will be (july 9,24 - 10:56pm)

holy fuck i did not realize how slow my progress in life will be! it feels so weird to be 26. like, not only the progress of my name and gender change, im talking about my progress in life! the changes im gonna have, the hardships ill probably cry to. i thought teenage life was hard, no siree. the adult life is difficult. once the adults before you leave you alone to be independent and strong and whatnot, they all end up telling you how wrong you are and how you're living life wrong. one side is trying to control how you live, the other wants you to be dependant and independent and some how balance that out on your own. anyway, getting off track here. today i woke up feeling lazy but also feeling pretty good about myself! i actually wanted to clean the house and do the dishes without complaint! which is a rare thing for me since teenage hood. it can get pretty bad on most days. my little brother and i did the dishes today and a little bit of sweeping. i am planning on doing the rest of the house chores tomorrow and start on the towels that were supposed to be done last week. which kind of sucks that it is only me doing the laundry, but what the hell can i do when we got my mothers' brother staying and only doing his own laundry, a 17 who is overly cranky, yknow, normal teenager bs, hes gotta do his own laundry whether he likes it or not. and a mother whose arthiritis hurts her enire body and really bad insomnia. 10 year old me would be very surprised of where i am at right now and 14 year old me would be very confused.

july 11,24 - 11:16pm - just got through washing the dishes and cleaned up a bit in the living room. finally and now i have time to clean up my room and start washing the towels, we desparately need clean towels considering how hot the weather will be this week. you know the funny thing about this? i have stopped taking my anti depressants for nearly a month now! i think i only need to take them during the winter. they seem to work better by then, which is weird to me. anyway, now that i have more trans tapes, im going to wash the towels tomorrow and have a bath by the next day. my poor room has been a mess for too long now and it has been bugging me for a couple of days. doing this will help me feel better about buying myself a new 3ds and cases for it, being more prepared about taking care of it than i did the first time around. i ended up buying another black 3ds, kinda thought i wanted a white one but i ended up changing my mind part way through the search of the new 3ds. i found one for somewhat cheap that came up to 195 plus 10 shipping which was fckn awesome! i so cant wait till they arrive now. though they wont be here till the first week of next month. i know ill be impatient about it but that is not new at all lmao im impatient with every perchase i make, i just gotta keep myself distracted till the items get here.

july 18,24 3:43am - i am planning on rearranging my room to open up the air vent in my room. since i bought the 3ds, i feel like i need to ''earn''' when it finally arrives here, but i am hoping to god that it works for me or id cry. well, not really, i'd be sad about it but wouldnt do nothing about it until i have enough money to save again to buy another 3ds. hopefully it wont come to that at any point for me. anyway, as im typing this out, i am wathcing chuggaconnroy's lets play of kirby 3ds. i heard about his recent..situation, not happy to hear it and not sure how to feel, not entirely anyway. not gonna lie, it kind of sucks and nearly ruined my day. im better now, i heard about this a week ago, so im fine. i think. i havent been able to go to sleep at a reasonable time lately and it sucks. some nights i dont go to sleep until it is literally gets really bright outside (5am or 7am), i did not think id be slowly devolping insomnia at the age of 26. though, i shouldnt be too surprised considering the fact that my whole ass family has it and possibly autism or adhd. not gonna lie, my whole family is a mess. but they are my mess, i guess. you ever feel that way? they are not the best, toxic in their own way (the older ones, not my cousins), when it some down to it, they are there for you (until they sabotage that closeness during any death) they seem to have continued the generational trauma. i hope my cousins are doing alright, some if them have a kid or two, others are single or childless, but they all have a decent job that helps them keep their apartment. so, i hope they are doing well.

by this point, i have one more journal entry to edit and double check on, and a set of papers to look for in my room. i was supposed to mail it back to the place i was getting my legal (now dead)name to my current one, it is coming up to a year so that it is my own fault on that one, considering that all i needed to do was give them the signed papers that i have right now. well, i can do that now and be a bloody adult about it instead of putting it off for tomorrow, every single day. is it weird to still feel like a teenager (16-7) at the age of 26? should i go to therapy for this? is this normal or should i be worried? does every other adult feel like this? and not just me and my friends possibly being delusional or just dramatic about it. either way, i am not entirely sure if ill find the answer or if itll be given to me. i am going to have a puff and then head to bed, it is already very late so im gonna have a puff and enjoy whatever sleep i can get. good night/day, readers!

[coldflasher]

sooo my theory test expires tomorrow. for the non brits among us, u have to take and pass your theory before you can take the driving test but it only lasts 2 years so if u dont take the test in that time you hage to retake it... so for a while i've been saying to my instructor that i really need her to get me a test before my theory expires. and she was like "oh no don't worry, as long as you BOOK the test before the theory expires, it's fine." and initially i was like "that doesnt sound right" but she is the instructor so i believed her and assumed she knew what she was talking about......

anyway the expiry date has been approaching. she still has given me nothing but empty promises and no test. so today im like what the hell, i'll try and book one myself.

PLOT. TWIST. THEY HAD TESTS. they had a LOT of tests!! they had SO MANY. you could actually choose from multiple dates and times!! i was like HOLY FUCK bc let us recall that i've been looking for a test since august and never seen a single slot available and suddenly they had like, 50. i was like OH MY GOD?? IT'S HAPPENING AND I DONT EVEN HAVE TO PAY £150 TO A DODGY GUY

i pick a test slot. put all the info in. finalize the transaction. hands shaking with adrenaline. cant believe it's happening

at the last minute the booking fails.

i scream. SOMEONE ELSE MUST HAVE GOT IT FIRST. i go back and thank GOD they have more slots. i try again. same issue. i must have tried 10 different slots and multiple payment methods in case my card is being declined and every time it rejects me at the last stage. at this point im literally crying out of sheer frustration bc i dont understand what's happening and there are slots in front of me for the first time ever and i cant get one.

i check to see if my instructor already got me a slot and didnt tell me. nope. no bookings under my name. so i ring her and tell her what's happening and she's like nooo dont book one, i said i'll get you one!!

im like i dont think you can. it won't let me book one. i dont think i can book one because my theory wont be valid for those dates?

she's like "no no it's not that. it must be because my guy booked one for you already"

i say "but he DIDNT. i can see there are no bookings in my name."

she's like "dont worry. i'll call you back later once i've got you a slot."

at this point i realize she is full of shit. she's either lying to my face or doesnt realize she's wrong but after extensive googling it turns out that either way she is full of shit and i cannot book a test for any date after december 3rd, aka tomorrow, which is the final day my theory is valid. so i am fucked.

so at this point all i can do is book a new theory (and thank FUCK the theory test has no backlog, so i have that booked for january 6th) and curse her for screwing me over YET AGAIN bc if i had KNOWN this would be a problem i could have resat my theory already and avoided this STUPID MESS and i could have BOOKED ONE OF THOSE AVAILABLE SLOTS. but it's too late now.

hours later she rings me back, baffled. "i dont understand what's happening. my guys tried to book your test and it won't let them book it!"

NO FUCKING SHIT!!!!!! IT'S ALMOST LIKE I LITERALLY TOLD YOU THAT!!!

then. get this. she tells me to ring the dvsa. FOR WHAT? so they can tell me what i already know and have told her but that she refuses to believe for some fucking reason: that I CANT BOOK A TEST BC MY THEORY WILL HAVE EXPIRED???

im gonna ring them, if only so i can confirm beyond all shadow of a doubt that she is full of shit. but i am so fucking angry with her. i feel she has actively sabotaged me especially because she was OFFERED A DATE WITHIN MY THEORY VALIDITY AND SHE TOLD THEM I DIDNT WANT IT WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME!!!

so now i cant even BOOK another test until january AND i have to retake the ENTIRE THEORY TEST AGAIN!!!!!!!

who wants to hear about the latest installment of my driving test saga. i'll give u a hint: it does NOT end with me getting a test

[daveyjacobss]

.

[cubedmango]

Hey naina, tried to rewatch the cherry magic movie tonight. Got up to the nagasaki scene. It’s currently paused,,, I have cried genuinely. non stop since I pressed play? My head hurts really badly I think. I’m gonna try again tomorrow I hope you’re having a lovely day

(other ask under the cut for length)

KUROSAWA SAYING WHEN YOU DIDN’T TURN TO ME I WAS SAD AND THAT ONE FUCKIN TEAR THAT FALLS FROM HIS EYES AND THE WAY HE LAUGHS AND APOLOGISES FOR BEING A MESS I NEED A NURSE like i’m gonna. Die i’m two seconds away from throwing up my heart why would he. Why did they film a movie with such intent to tear me to the ground the way he can barely speak and has to try and gather himself multiple times with deep breaths before speaking and ends up crying anyway the way adachi looks on helplessly wondering how to comfort him and let him know how much he loves him the way. The way he tries to bridge the gap between them with understanding through touch one of kurosawa’s main love languages the way kurosawa’s eyes are so glossy and doe like as he waits for adachi’s kiss the way he says his name so softly the way adachi rests his hand on kurosawa’s knee and their hands find each other so slowly…, so softly… so tenderly… the way they can literally speak 636373 words with just their hands alone and do way more for the sake of romance and true deep mutual love than anything the way none of these are in order of how they happen because my brain is seeping out of my ears naina what the actual fuck were they thinking..,, machida keita akaso eiji and kazam hiroki you will receive my medical bills shortly i’m. I wow so. cool

PLEASE IM CRYING KFJHSDKFHDSJF ALL OF THIS IS SO REAL??????? cm crew put Smth into the nagasaki scene idk what but its insane like i will never Not be feral when i think abt it ...... kurosawas breakdown is so painful to see hes been holding everything back for So Fucking Long and imagining all the events from his perspective is crazy like think abt it. he has no idea if adachis ok or not and none of his calls go through and theyre so far apart like Imagine . the fact he wasnt like full on bawling in that scene means hes still holding back so much probs for adachis sake its so aaarhrrhGHGFGHF!!!!!!! LET HIM CRY MORE PLEASE.......

adachis side was perfectly analyzed in that meta i rbed earlier so i have nothing substantial to add but god for the 58302th time his Growth ..... even in ep 12 he had to get that push from tsuge to go meet w kurosawa but in the movie he could already tell kurosawa was putting up a front (and literally predicted it would happen as soon as he got the transfer offer) and he probs planned on talking abt it when he flied back to tokyo before the incident which is. ... .. and the look of determination on his face the entire time kurosawa finally broke down w no panic no overthinking like "I Am Going To Love And Cherish This Man So Hard" and comforting kurosawa w touch and no longer caring abt the magic that hes become reliant on for kurosawas sake. . Yeah im going to be ill about these two for the rest of my life thank u cm crew god bles <3

[sj0228]

astro notes for fun lol

HEY! this is my first astro observations post so don't be too hard on me lol unless u wanna then sure maybe i can improve them somehow BUTANYWAYZ this is for entertainment purposes only!! obviously these are just my own observations so if they don't resonate with you don't get offended or you're a big ol' 🅱️uss so here they are!! also SHOUTOUT TO MY AMAZING FRIENDS fyi i got sum help from them by asking them billions of questions to confirm my suspicions so uh hope that makes the observations more accurate LOL ANYWAYS HERE THEY ARE!! i'll probably make more in the future cuz i think they're super fun to make :D also if u couldnt tell uhm this isnt very professional im not professional BUT I TRIED TO MAKE IT PRETTY so pls dont be bothered lol im just doing this for fun i didnt even wanna make an astro page so yea </3pretty unreliable LMAOOO

👩🏻‍🦲 the house your mars is in is what pisses you off the most!! (eg. 1st - people assuming things about you, 5th - people beating around the bush, 7th - things that disrupt the harmony of your environment, 9th - the need to hold back your opinions because others get bothered by them being "offensive")

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers are true ambiverts and i've truly never ever seen a cancer who wouldn't be both introverted and extroverted at times. they are always either social introverts or quiet extroverts lol. or both!! (somehow 0_0) they enjoy people's attention, whether it's wanting to be noticed or appreciated or generally cared for, and they need their alone time. they tend to be very productive at those times, too.

👩🏻‍🦲 ok i have a lot of notes for cancers so it's gonna be a lot lmao sorry anyways!! i've also noticed they LOVEEE breaking loose every once in a while, if not every time they're given the opportunity! thing is, it's usually only if someone else is there to convince them or do it with them. they don't like taking risks alone! they are very impressed and fond of the 'wild child' persona people because they bring out the cancer's wild side!

👩🏻‍🦲 libra moons are absolutely loved by people, it's so crazy! like, no matter what they do they always have attention on them. this can manifest badly if the moon person is actually pretty horrible, things they do tend to be overlooked and others move on pretty quickly from their mistakes, letting them do whatever they want. i wanted to give an example but uh,,,,, i shall.. refrain😳

👩🏻‍🦲 libra suns with water moons are so scary when they're angry..

👩🏻‍🦲 cancer moon is what i deem as the zodiac sign cute-ifyer lol. literally any "tough" sign like capricorn, scorpio or aquarius becomes a super cute goofball with this moon. WEIRDEST THING EVER THOUGH is that it doesn't work for cancer suns?! like if a cancer sun has a cancer moon this just makes the person very confusing but very funny. they can brighten anybody's day without trying!

👩🏻‍🦲 okay uh this isn't an astro note as much as it is me being a phucken simp but uh..... I HAVE AN UNDYING LOVE FOR ARIES SUNS I WILL MARRY EVERY EACHAND ONE OF YOU ISTG. ARIES SUNS ARE THE NICEST AND FUNNIEST PEOPEL I'VE EVER SEEN YOU HAVE THE BEST HUMOR EVER AND YOU'RE SO KIND TO EVERYBODY YOU'RE SO KIND I LOVE YOU YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THIS PLANET I WANT TO HUG YOU FOREVER okay jbshxhjn but fr aries are the best people ever?!?!?!?!?!?! pls

👩🏻‍🦲 okay JUST SO THIS WHOLE ARIES MENTION ISN'T JUST A POINTLESS LOVE CONFESSION - i've noticed a lot of ♥aries♥ people use the laughing crying face emojis (😂,🤣) unironically and it's honestly.....the best thing ever

👩🏻‍🦲 taurus suns do this sometimes as well

👩🏻‍🦲 THE MOST UNHEALTHY PERCEPTIONS OF ZODIAC SIGNS ARE PUT ON FIRE SIGNS, NOT THE WATER SIGNS AND THIS IS COMING FROM A PISCES!!!!!!1 every stereotype is always showing fire signs as those sunshine of the group people, the baddies, and the ones with the biggest 'idgaf' attitude. and while this can totally be true sometimes, most of the time it's super different! sad fire signs break my heart pls i just wanna hug you guys T-T they have it the hardest because unlike water signs who are already expected to be emotional, they often repress their emotions for the sake of others and because of the fear of betrayal or judgement, or just generally the idea of "it's better to have fake friends than to have zero friends". YOU GUYS PLEASE. cut these people off from your life you deserve soo much better i know it can be super hard to open up for you u just need a hug omg EVERYONE PLEASE CHECK UP ON YOUR FIRE SIGN FRIENDS ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR DAY N STUFF THEY WILL APPRECIATE YOU CARING FOR THEM! pls stay best and take care sweethearts ily!!!

👩🏻‍🦲 i've also noticed that some of the signs tend to show their sadness through anger - this is not just astrology though so if your friend has been jumpy lately please just check on them they are probably going thru sth😳 anyways the signs i mostly saw this in are pisces, aries and libra.

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers with feminine moons (earth and water) tend to be pretty introspective. they often think they're the ones being mistreated, and while this of course might be true, in reality it usually goes a lonnng way back lol. they often pay very little attention to others!! (masculine moon sign cancers (fire and air) can often be too focused on others more than themselves) this can be good because they don't snoop in other people's business but oh my god, guys, please pay attention to your friends, too! this WILL lead to lost friendships because, let's be real, nobody wants a one-sided friendship with someone who only cares about themselves! i don't want to target anybody here but this is just a pattern i've noticed wayyyy too often, so you might want to look into it and if you think this is you all you need is just to enlargen your perspective and it will all be okay. but please, PLEASE. think about your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 i needed to get this^ out because people often put this on leo placements but tbh i notice that leo placements are THE MOST generous of the entire zodiac and they always think of others first and that's what really makes them so popular. they very rarely are as egocentric as everybody says, they're just really loving and that makes them very lovable!

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio risings are the prettiest people i've ever seen. not even kidding bruh i could stare at them for EVER their eyes are absolutely gorgeous and their mannerisms are just perfect pls marry me

👩🏻‍🦲 gemini and taurus placements make an individual soooo chill to the point where it often makes them lazy and a biig procrastinator lol. tho i love how they make light of it by using their amazing humor!

👩🏻‍🦲 you most definitely have your IC be one of your family members' sun sign or one of their personal planets. i have a taurus ic and my sister is a taurus sun!

👩🏻‍🦲 sagittarius suns are the best huggers cause THEY REALLY NEED A HUG SO GO HUG THEM RIGHT NOW. pls guys why r u so sad..

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio mars aren't even as sexual as everybody says tbh. but they definitely do have some interesting.....interests ;)

👩🏻‍🦲 pluto aspects to personal planets are very prominent, but very hidden. if you have them, most likely you will be the only person to know about this side of you and it can be pretty dark..

👩🏻‍🦲 planets conjunct your sun will be the people you attract most in your life (venus conjunct sun - taurus and libra, jupiter - sagittarius and pisces, mars - aries and scorpio EVERYWHERE)

👩🏻‍🦲 your moon sign will be the sun sign of most of your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 if you don't quite relate to your ascendant, look at the sign you have in your 3rd house and at your mercury sign. this is how you communicate, convey your ideas etc. and will often be a major factor in people's first impressions of you :)

👩🏻‍🦲 lilith aspecting your sun may mean there's a side of you nobody knows.. 👁👁 you're also probably very convincing and people can be very drawn to you and they can't explain why. this also goes for lilith in 7th, especially in girls!

👩🏻‍🦲 you and your friends probably have each other's sun signs as your personal planets!!

👩🏻‍🦲 the kindest person you know is probably either a virgo or an aries.. and the meanest person you know is also probably a virgo or aries LOL

👩🏻‍🦲 capricorn suns & risings are THE hardest to read!! if they don't say what they mean people will just assume and they're never going to be right it's wild 👩🏻‍🦲 also capricorns definitely have the most dad energy, while sagittariuses are more like actual dads jdbshxcvb

OKAY THAT'S ALL!!!! im sure i have more but its 2 am i have school tomorrow or actually its today now so bye uh anyways there will most likely be more so if u liked these stay tuned!! oh and let me know if they were true witchu :o thats it love u stay awesome and super cool i love u byebye!!

[weirdmageddon]

ok i think i had one of the worst days of my life today. im just gonna go over everything that happened so just be prepared for some nastiness. i felt like this all day:

so i woke up feeling weird like something was “off”. it weirdly difficult to wake up and get out of bed, i felt bloated, i had an abnormal gag reflex while taking my pills. then when i got on the toilet……well idk how to put this delicately but i had a watery shitsplosion. and i was like. well ok. maybe it was just once. so i told my mom and got dressed and was just about to walk to class but i felt hot water in my colon about to be dispensed so i went right the fuck back to my dorm’s toilet. guess i was dead wrong. and dead wrong i would be. because holy shit this is only the beginning.

i sent an ask to the teaching assisant before my class saying “hey you got a zoom link i cant come in person i’m in the bathroom fighting for my life”. i would be fighting for my life in there the majority of the day.

so this is not good, i’m having a category 5 tummy event. i’m losing water quickly. i need to get hydrated.

so i rush myself to the student rec center because i know they have powerade zero in one of the vending machines. i swiped my card. “bad swipe. please try again.” i tried swiping it again twice more, both saying i had a bad swipe. i took out some physical cash and tried putting it in but the vending machine wouldn’t take it. it was broken. great.

lunch was being served at the time so from the cafeteria i got 3 bananas unfortunately all unripe, one toasted unbuttered bagel, and a handful of saltines. halfway through that i was back in the bathroom shitting my brains out. so i’m like, okay. i was talking to my mom the entire time during this btw. she is telling me i need to go to CVS for imodium. see the fucking issue with that is my asshole is leaking frothy bowel fluid unpredictably and there is absolutely nobody that can help me.

i told my RA the vending machines were broken and she told me the boar’s head sandwich shop in the cafeteria opens up at 1 and they have powerade there. so after 1 i went there, tummy very much upset and i’m just desperately clenching my cheeks like a drawbridge. they had no zero sugar powerade, just regular. i bought the powerade anyway. i’ve been trying to lose the freshman pounds i’ve been putting on and this would make that so much harder but i need the electrolytes. so i left with my powerade and as soon as i opened the door my stomach made the worst noise. like you know jerma worst noise? tummy worst noise 2022. and i swear humans can really learn quickly what signals mean because in every single one of these cases, that specific gurgling i got is a surefire signal to GET MY ASS A TOILET AS FAST AS I POSSIBLY CAN.

anyway i told this to my mom. so she says i may have covid because theres some gut-related problems being recorded with the new omicron variant. but the more likely scenario is that i have a norovirus that’s causing me gastroenteritis.

my mom says to call the wellness center and i’m like really losing my mind at this point because 1. theyre not on campus. theyre on another campus. 2. what the fuck are they gonna do over the phone??? i call them anyway and i’m like starting to cry now.

there was a rapid covid testing site set up outside of boar’s head literally MINUTES before but after 2pm they took it down. i was like, full on crying now. i am absolutely in hell. long story short i called that wellness center they signed me up for their patient portal and scheduled me for a PCR and rapid covid test tomorrow which i’ll be doing. but i was like boiling with frustration at this point. none of this is solving my current fucking issue. how fucking hard is it to get someone to go to CVS and get imodium for me so i can stop the onslaught of diarrhea i am current facing.

also at this point i had to reach into the emergency stock toilet paper because we ran out. and it was hurting my asshole so bad. after this i decided that since nobody was going to help me i had to bite the onions and risk shit dripping down my pants and go to CVS myself. i bought the imodium, some pepto bismol, and a gatorade zero after waiting on line between a stupid asshole in front of me taking forever to pay and a screaming child behind me whose mother just let him carry on. i tried to get the fuck out of there. but my card didnt go through so i had to step back in and try it again. then i got the fuck out of there. and as soon as i was leaving and at the red light my stomach did the Bad Churn and i was like. fuck no. no no. but i managed to suck it back up into my colon through sheer force of mental will and gluteus muscle power.

after yelling in the car at slow drivers on the road (nearly in tears…again), i found that someone took my parking space closer to my dorm room—course—so i had to powerwalk. when i got back i went straight for the bathroom for the i dont fuckin knowth time.

my ass felt like hellfire now. like someone stuck a sour warhead candy in my asshole and it eroded the membrane. and honestly considering that diarrhea is acidic that’s basically what happened at the chemical level. couldnt find any flushable wipes at CVS so all i have is this thin, coarse toilet paper. i was in HELL. and yet it still somehow managed to get worse.

anyway at least i have my imodium. i’m told to take one after every loose stool. i brought my gatorade and the medication into the bathroom for just that. the thing is the little silver sheets they come in are IMPOSSIBLE to fucking open. i managed to tear it with my bare teeth using an unnecessary amount of force to open them.

after two imodium, i noticed my bowels started to behave. i could actually exit the bathroom and feel at peace. so i went to lay down in bed and i began writing my professors a letter saying i’m sorry for two setbacks in a row (the first was the medication notification i sent them yesterday that my meds i need to stay awake and focus still haven’t been refilled. they are now though.)

i was just so upset because i was planning on actually doing work today because i FINALLY got my meds refilled, especially a lot of work for one of my big projects, but then i was hit with this. and i was trying to find a way to write a message to my professors, especially the one for that assignment where the due dates are firm unless there’s “documented exceptional circumstances” that this isn’t a joke to get out of doing work and and this legitimately immediately proceeded my medication notice even though i dont have a doctors note for it. but i sent it and thankfully i got an understanding response from that professor.

i was fine for about an hour. i was feeling really tired, my eyelids were heavy, still feeling terrible and bloated, and headache from crying. my stomach started to feel unsettled more than usual (in terms of today’s usual), so i took a pepto. i felt like complete shit. i still needed to do laundry, i still need to take a shower. everything at once was collapsing on me and i didnt have anyone to help me. my heart started to beat more aggressively, and that is never ever a good sign for me. in the back of my mind i knew what the fuck that was signaling but i dismissed it.

my mom told me to do my laundry tomorrow and that i should just get into a shower today. so i was preparing to get into the shower. i put on my shower flip-flops in but standing up gave me the runs so i ran in with my flip-flops on on.

and when i sat down i felt really, really sick. i couldn’t dismiss the way my heart was beating now, so knowing what that meant, i asked my mom, “what if i need to puke”. and she said “you will puke honey”

and what happened next was genuinely one of the most frightening experiences of my life.

i was suddenly spewing gastric liquid from both ends. i threw the fuck up all over myself and on the bathroom floor and i ran up without having wiped to the sink and threw up in there. and i swear i like i couldnt even think. my brain’s cortex literally just collapsed in this moment. my mind went blank. i had no idea where i was or what i was doing. i couldnt fucking think, i could not fucking see, my ears were all ringing and shit. i went back to the toilet as best i could and then started to process it. and i felt like i was going to fucking die in there with no one to hear me or help me. i literally couldn’t see anything for such a prolonged time. my vision was just white and spotty and i was dizzy and breathing heavy. i was staring at the ceiling just trying to process what the fuck just happened, the mess i now have to deal with, and the implications for it made me feel like i was in a dream and i was having a nightmare. i was just literally on the toilet sopping wet from cold sweat and vomit, the majority of which was pooled in my underwear and pants, behind multiple doors that require keys to access, away from home, with none of my roommates around (my pants are pulled down which would be humiliating if they were around anyway). and given that this is some kind of virus it’s highly contagious. so i just sat there and thought nobody was going to help me, i might fucking die if not from dehydration then from brain damage because it’s been a minute and my vision still isn’t back to normal, and ive never felt so fucking helpless in my entire life.

i tried my hardest texting my mom but i couldnt fucking see what i was typing.

the symptoms were like the kind where you stand up fast except way more intense. this lasted for a solid two minutes (according to the timestamps on the messages i sent my mom)

after this my mom called me and she guided me through what i should do but just Having someone there made all the difference.

despite all this, i went into the shower and washed all the undigested green beans and peanuts from YESTERDAY (so apparently my stomach was having issues yesterday if these were undigested) out of my clothes and flushed them down the toilet, i sanitized the bathroom from head to toe with lysol wipes, took a shower for myself as i was intending to anyway but kept having anxiety waves that made me feel like i was gonna throw up again but i didn’t. miserable hell. at this point standing up made me queasy but i went back to my room and slowly opened two new garbage bags, one for my wet clothes and the other for if i had to puke again. i got up and took my smelly wet clothes hanging in the shower and stuffed them in the bag but had to take a breather. then i took the bag from inside the wastebasket, tied it up, and put in the new garbage bag and put it next to my bed if i had to puke again. then i climbed into bed in my velcro towel and headwrap and my mom stayed on with me until i was feeling better and she had to shower. been sipping my fluids to rehydrate. i laid in bed until i felt well enough to change into some pajamas. though i really wished i had someone who couldve … idk at least actively aided me though? idk why it’s always me bending over backwards for myself when im in fucking hell right now.

and here i am now writing this post. lol sorry needed to vent

[leviiattacks]

hi bestie!! pls pretty pls do a levi one where he takes care of a sick y/n im feeling a bit under the weather and im getting kinda scared bc of covid :<< anything to help calm my nerves pls? thank you <3

author note :: get well soon anon :-( i’m super sick rn too (when am i not tho </3) so i get how it is. this isn’t that great because i wrote it pretty quick but i hope it eases youuu :-) this is just pure fluff and sappy stuff and yup yup MODERN LEVI BC... listen i have a soft spot for modern levi word count :: some how i got to 1.4k ????? idk how i always go over the expected word count i have in my head 

it’s literally been YEARS since the last time you were sick

if you really dig through the depths of your memory you’d say maybe you were last sick when you were seven???

it’s that or your memory is just not great

either way, you really do not want to bother anyone with your sickness so you decide to hole up in your room for the entire day

you don’t even tell levi about it because you know he’ll drop everything for the sake of your comfort

the only problem is that midway through the day you’ve become so bedridden you can’t even begin to fathom attending classes tomorrow

you guess you’ll be taking another day off

as that thought crosses your mind your bedroom door bursts open

“i...” levi lets out a long sigh and you look at him dazed from your pounding headache

you’re surrounded by scrunched up tissues and your cold meds have been left untouched

“i���m gonna get you sick too. back away.” you’re frowning and signalling with your hands that you want him out

your nose is stuffy and you’re sniffling but levi just rolls his eyes before he sits next to you on the floor

buried in your duvet you look a little like a burrito and he laughs at that

“do you know where the thermometer is? i’ll check on your fever.”

he’s looking at you waiting for an answer

you think for a second and then you try to rummage through the timeline of today’s events.

to be fair you’re a little disoriented but for some unknown reason you feel yourself get a little teary eyed

maybe it’s a mix of your upcoming deadlines looming over you or perhaps it’s missing a really important class today

but it’s so sudden you don’t even know why your body is making you act so irrationally but that’s what fevers do

“i think i” you sniff and then the waterworks flood out of you. your brain can’t adjust to the severity of your headache and your urge to sleep is higher than ever

honestly you don’t cry very much so to see the tears worries levi almost immediately

“im sorry i misplaced it.” you croak out, your voice is all scaly and weird, you hate it

stupidly you get upset about that too

don’t people sound hot when they’re sick?? why do you sound like an angry bear...?

this is not fair.

“and i’m stressed.” you blow your nose but it continues to drip despite your constant attempts to stop it

nose bright red and hair disheveled levi’s eyes soften when he sees your workbook laying at the foot of your bed

notes are scribbles in random corners and your mind map is a chaotic mess but you’re trying your best given the circumstances

god, even when you’re sick you’re working hard. you’re ridiculous but in the most endearing way known to man

“alright, lay down.” he runs a hand through your hair to fix the birds nest before he adjusts your pillows and places your head down gently

“i’m sorry i’ve lost the-”

levi’s index finger presses against your lips and he shushes you

“get some rest, please.”

you comply but not before giving him a playful glare

his warm palms move to hold your face. cheeks squished together he swipes your tears away

“i’ve got some soup on the stove you’ll be good in no time.” his soft reassurance is comforting and protective

nodding you flutter your eyes shut.

you’re unable to sleep but levi’s presence is enough to ease you even if it’s just a little you do feel better

fifteen minutes pass and levi returns he’s got you a hot cup of tea and the soup is nowhere to be seen

“i had an accident in the kitchen... so have some tea instead.”

you simply laugh it off, he’s trying his best and you’re alright with not having to be fed tomato soup

tomato soup..... it’s sick and twisted it tastes so bad

you recall having to force yourself to down an entire bowl last christmas after catching a cold

never ever again will you do that

anyways, pea soup superiority it’s the only valid type !!!

levi likes tomato soup though that’s the only reason it sits in bulk in one of the kitchen cabinets

he brushes the mountain of tissues on your bedside table away, he’ll dispose of them later

placing the cup of tea where the aforementioned tissues once were you then realize he’s brought you a slice of madeira cake to have alongside it

at this your eyes brighten you love madeira cake it’s so soft and buttery and simple but it’s just REALLY GOOD???

anyway, you definitely recommend everyone to have some it’s a solid 10/10

“picked some up on my way here.”

your heart swells affectionately

no one will ever love you as hard as he does

to be honest, the little things he does keep you grounded and you don’t really know where you’d be without him

he always pays attention to the things you love, always carries you from the couch to your bed, always tucks you in, always lingers a little just to make sure you’re sound asleep

you know about that last bit because on occasion you have stirred awake on accident

every single time he strokes your hair and holds you close ushering you back to sleep

again, you don’t know if it’s your fever making you emotional or the warm feeling of being loved so HARD?? it’s like whack a mole the only difference is being repeatedly hit by bursts of affection

not really a great analogy but your brain is fried right now and it’s the best you’ve got

levi sits next to you making the mattress shift and you then plop your head against his chest

“drink up.”

he hands you the cup of tea but you nuzzle your face into his neck instead forcing him to place it back down

“what are you doing?” he asks.

one of his hands draws circles onto your back soothing you and the other hand is fiddling around with the packaging of your cold meds, he looks to be reading the description just to make sure you can take them

the feeling of his t-shirt under your cheek fades away and you find yourself staring up at him

“get here.” he softly murmurs

rather than pressing a hand against your forehead he swoops down

at first his hands feel your face and neck

“you’re burning up.” he frowns and then he does it

he presses his forehead against yours and you swear you could stop breathing and pass out right then and there

“the fever’s getting worse, why didn’t you call me earlier i had to find out you were sick from-”

“i love you.”

he freezes.

“of course you love me but that’s not what we’re talking about right now.” he snorts and looks you right in the eye.

suddenly you’re kinda just a teeny-weeny bit self-conscious about your dark under eyes but you push that thought to the back of your mind

“no i mean. i really fucking love you levi.” the expletive only makes you sound more serious especially since you always scold him when he uses vulgar language

it looks as if his mouth moves to say it back but you stop him

“you don’t have to say it again. i’m saying it because you said it first.” you explain through your drowsy state

“when did i say it first?”

the fever must be really getting to you is what he’s thinking

“your actions spoke for you.”

he ever so slightly jabs you with his elbow before he carefully places your head back down onto his chest

“you’re so sappy.” he pecks your cheek and you hum silently still unable to breathe out of one of your nostrils

“i know but you’re sappier.”

levi doesn’t respond because he knows you’re correct

:-)

[way2gowillow]

Why does no one listen??? Like I remember when I was like 10 i started having intense wrist pain and at the time I was cheerleading so i thought it was just carrying the girls so of course I tell people hey hey my wrist hurts rlly bad can you help me but of course they say "it's just from the handstands and cheerleading just ease off" then I 'complain' so much I can't cheer anymore but the pain still persists and I'm telling people I'm in pain I'm in pain hello??? And they're like "well you know you have an bulimia it's probably just being bulimic things" so no doctors or parents listen to me then I recover from bulimia then I gain weight right and they go "oh y'know it's just you being a women that's why your back hurts" then I join my art school and I start taking dance classes to help with my theatre degree im going for so I start dancing, and the pain doesn't stop. "Dad I'm serious my feet hurt so bad I can't even walk" he goes "well maybe you should stop dancing" I go to the doctor for a checkup late last semester 'hey I'm having excruciating pain and it won't go away." "Maybe it's arthritis." But my dad cuts her off "no, they don't need any tests their fine." I'm like 15 atp and I'm trying to literally TYPE ON A KEYBOARD and my fingers lock up I show people LOOK MY FINGERS ARE STUCK I'm in pain, I'm ALWAYS sick I get sick like twice a month something is wrong. I'm taking acting classes that semester so it's not like I'm doing heavy exercise for them to blame it on he goes "you're really being dramatic you're just stressed" now here I am. 16 years old middle of the summer. I've been trying any and everything to feel better to stop the pain from coming in. And I wake up this morning and my entire body hurts. Every. Single. Inch. It's never been this bad before in my entire life. My neck, my shoulders, my elbows, my wrists, my fingers, my ENTIRE BACK EVERY INCH, my hips, my knees, my ankles, and my feet and toes hurt so bad I have literally been unable to even walk more than a few feet without having to sit down, I have a pretty intense pain tolerance too, so I walk downstairs having to get my sister to practically carry me, theyres tears pouring down my face I've never been in this much pain, I walk into my dad's office "dad please it hurts so bad make it stops" HE TELLS ME that "You've been eating pretty bad recently lots of sugar..." (He's a 2 almonds per day type of person, which is ironic because my mother is 350 pounds... But anyways) and I say"okay??? What about my PAIN"

He says "I'll take you to the gym tomorrow, and eat better, you're really doing way to much with all this crying go wash your face." THEN HAS THE AUDACITY TO SAY "your room needs to be clean by the way"

WTF I AM SOBBING I AM IN SOBMUCH PAIN and I just like get dismissed like this IVE BEEN IN PAIN FOR 6 YEARS. IT WONT STOP and like why does no one listen to me I'm sick of this shit I'm just gonna just die. Like curk up in a ball and die. I can't even get out of bed, my sister helped walk me upstairs and I'm laying here but like I don't think he understands how much pain I am actually in. I never cry for pain, like ever, yet no one listens.

I don't know, I'm stuck. I need advice. Im not an adult yet I don't know what to do. I'm not like angry or anything but I'm in so much pain how can I convince anyone someone that I need help and if you don't know that any tips to make it stop. I've taken like 1000 mlg of Ibuprofen and it has bearly cut the edge off so please tips god anything would help.

-rosy

I'm so sorry. :( I know how much joint pain can hurt.

I can't convince your father, but I wouldn't give up reaching out for help. Whether it's from him or not, you make sure they don't silence you. Don't give up until you see a doctor again. Describe your joint pain- how long it lasts. If it keeps you awake, if it interferes with your daily activities. Do not hold back. Tell them about how ibuprofen does not help with the pain. (Don't directly ask for pain meds because they will be suspicious that you are only there to get some strong prescription drugs). Instead ask if something can be done to prevent the root cause of the pain.

I'm not sure why your father would object to have testing done for you. It's honestly a pretty simple laboratory test. They'll draw your blood and they'll be able to check your white blood cell count, as well as a bunch of other things. If it's autoimmune, then your white blood cells will be abnormally high. And then they can begin treating you. Any good father would want the best for their child. Him refusing to take you is extremely negligent.

Some advice? let's see...

During my early stages, I took OTC joint pain reliever. It worked for a little but I got worse. Now, whenever I get a flare up I take ibuprofen or Tylenol (whatever I have, but NEVER both). CBD products also help. Lidocaine cream like Icy-Hot helped a great deal too. I'd also invest in some compression gloves or socks. Supposedly ice can help with inflammation but I find that heat works much better for me, so I have a heating pad. If you don't have one that's okay. Just take a rag or clean cloth and wet it under a faucet. Stick it in the microwave for a minute and you can use that. (Just make sure the cloth is damp. If you can, low impact exercise is good since it keeps your body from getting so stiff. For me sometimes I feel like being a blob because everything hurts to move, but I know if I don't at least walk around a bit, then I'm going to feel so much worse.

I know this advice is kind of weak-sauce, but I at least hope it'll do something to help. Again, I highly encourage you keep telling everyone you can that you're hurting. I'm hoping maybe you can get some laboratory work done and they can identify what exactly is going on with you. I would agree that it sounds like arthritis but it could also be something else. I'm not a doctor though, and I can't diagnose anybody. I'm not qualified in any way to make an accurate and informed statement about your own health. :'D

Best of luck. <3