#all i get from this work is stress i never learn shit this way.
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I hate that we do all the important projects that would let us to learn a lot of useful skills in groups and the work gets divided and half assed. And i never share the vision for a project with the people i'm doing it with. Can we please do one thing SOLO? Genuinely so far the only solo thing we do in each class is tests. Can we ..... Get an essay for ONCE?????
#hate this stupid fucking course#hate that i have to prepare myself for groupwork on our project on monday that we'll do in a way completly unsatisfactory to me#all i get from this work is stress i never learn shit this way.
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it feels a little silly to be so happy about something that, currently, just amounts to some free dance classes but I really, genuinely am just so joyful about getting this traineeship
#like#tbh it turns out i don't actually care that much about getting paid#when i a) have a solid full time job#and b) now can save like $54-60/week#(and also am being paid double that by the same org to teach?)#and most importantly get to dance and grow#idk i think i have had so many times in my life#where i've either seen the limit of dance in my life or hit it#from doctors telling me i couldn't dance anymore to the y'know#general crushing weight of Growing Up and Getting a Real Job#and now i'm not like. a Full Time Contracted Company Dancer the way i dreamed#but i'm part of the company and get to keep growing and learning and dancing#AND i get to have all the rest of my multifaceted life along with it#like shit dude#there was never a point in my life where i thought i could have all of this#a job that (while sometimes frustrating and stressful) lets me work on cool things that matter to me#and pays enough i can do all the things i love#and dancing ~professionally with people i rlly like and respect#and the art! and the music!#and the friends! and life in a city i've loved since i was 10 years old#i am feeling very grateful and joyful and also a little bit overwhelmed#personal
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little lion | max verstappen social media au
pairing: max verstappen x fem young mum!reader
journalists go digging in max's past and think they've found f1's next big scandal - but they underestimate just how protective max is of his little lion
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
f1tea
liked by user5, user6 and 23,095 others
f1tea: this is y/n y/ln the supposed baby momma of max verstappen. not much is known about her, with her only going back to work recently as a therapist in monaco.
her and max had their baby, a girl, back when they were 17 in 2015. max has never been seen in public with the child and has never publicly claimed her either.
will we see her in the paddock now all the news is out?
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user7: holy shit this is insane
user8: this poor girl doesn't deserve this
user9: literally, either max is a present father and is just private or he doesn't have anything to do with them? but it coming out like this is probably stressful regardless
user10: also by my calculations, the baby will be nearly nine, so probably has a concept of fame and celebrity and if they haven't gone to a race it's probably for a reason
user11: i mean the way people are already talking about them proves them right already
user12: ted kravitz telling it like it is 🤲
user13: no he's not ??? he basically went on broadcast to call y/n a slut and try and say that he was 'always right about max because this proves he is reckless'
user14: once again, this child is eight and could understand some of this if they see it
user15: also the incidents ted is bringing up happened EIGHT YEARS AGO stop bringing a child into your weird agenda
user16: if he's not careful red bull will ban sky from their media run again
user17: i found her instagram and max, alex and daniel all follow her so it's defo legit
user18: i also found it but it's private :(
user19: i tried to follow but got blocked :/
user20: do you people have rocks for brains if it's private it means we're not meant to find it, if she's not spoken about it in eight years that means IT'S NOT OUR BUSINESS
user21: someone tell max to get a DNA test asap, gold diggers will do anything for money and fame
user22: what fame? she's got like 400 followers and has never spoken about max to any media outlet
user23: the way you people jump to gold digging allegations kill me
user24: also if max is the dead beat that sky are trying to make him out to be and y/n is a gold digger then why haven't we seen some child support claims and whatnot
user25: you have no shame posting this, if she didn't want to be found she doesn't want to be found
user26: f1 vultures at their best
maxverstappen1
liked by danielricciardo, landonorris and 2,389,774 others
maxverstappen1: i've seen a lot of journalists and 'professionals' trying to point score with the 'big revelation' of my daughter. sydney is the love of my life and for someone who grew up in the public eye i thought it would be best to keep my daughter away from the circus. not that i owe it to any of you people, but i see syd as much as i possibly can and i didn't want to post her or bring her to the paddock until she could make that choice for herself. y/n is a wonderful mother and is the exact support system i would want for my daughter.
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user27: MAX IS A GIRL DAD?
user28: congratulations media and internet you forced him to expose his kid
user29: the way they probably see this as a victory annoys me to my core
yourusername: you're an amazing father max, don't let them tell you anything else. sydney loves you and that's all that matters.
maxverstappen1: thank you y/n, i miss you both - see you this weekend!
yourusername: we look forward to it! x
user30: she didn't say that she loves him too so they're defo not together
user31: will you people ever learn to read the room?
user32: oh wow so max does see his daughter - watch sky still run with the deadbeat angle
user33: they were so shameless about his SLEEP SCHEDULE i cannot imagine the shit crofty is going to throw at him over this
danielricciardo: i'm sorry for how this has all come out max but i'm so glad i can publicly express my love for my god daughter!
maxverstappen1: this might mean that you can give her all of your gifts in person (if she wants to come) lord knows i can never fit them back in my suitcase
user34: you literally have a private jet?
maxverstappen1: you underestimate how seriously daniel takes being a god parent
danielricciardo: i think i'm singlehandedly keeping jellycat in business tbf
yourusername: and ikea, i have to buy a new shelving unit every couple of weeks daniel
danielricciardo: SYD IS MY BEST FRIEND LEAVE ME ALONE
user35: drop 💥 the 💥 daniel 💥 and 💥 sydney 💥 photos 💥 now 💥
user36: actually don't i don't think my baby fever can take it
alexalbon: you're an amazing father max and sydney is the coolest girl in the world!
maxverstappen1: thank you alex 😊
alexalbon: also if you ever convince y/n to come to races PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make her bake me some of her iconic brownies
yourusername: alex you know i can just bake you some and send them to you via max
alexalbon: please 😫😫😫
yourusername: no worries albono, you're a growing boy you need the nutrients
maxverstappen1: they're brownies
alexalbon: i need y/n's brownies to deal with YOU
maxverstappen1: ok maybe this is why i don't want to introduce you all :(
yourusername: don't worry maxie i'll make you some goodies to go
maxverstappen1: thank you :)
user37: she makes him to-go goodies 🥹
yourusername
liked by feranandoalo_oficial, danielricciardo and 319,506 others
tagged: maxverstappen1
yourusername: i'm not very happy that i have to make this statement like this because people couldn't respect the boundaries max and i have set as parents but alas: max is the loveliest man in the world and the best father sydney could ask for. he has a very busy life but he still makes as much time as possible for syd and she loves him very much. max has been in the spotlight from a very young age and did not want that pressure and spectacle on his own daughter. we may have never been together, but max has never been the monster you're trying to make him out to be. please respect my daughter's privacy. thank you.
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user41: once again, this is a very cute family but god this is a horrible way to find out about them :(
user42: i hope they know so so many of us are supporting them
danielricciardo: syd has grown so much i actually feel kind of sick
yourusername: i was a mess on her first day of school :(
danielricciardo: oh i can imagine ... max never told us but i'm sure he was his usual stoic self
yourusername: he tried, but we did both cry over a carton of ice cream for the whole morning
maxverstappen1: IT WAS A VERY EMOTIONAL MORNING
yourusername: it really was 🥺
user43: i'm sorry but why do two europeans have a daughter called SYDNEY?
maxverstappen1: she's nearly eight... i made my f1 debut in australia eight years ago... i can't hold your hand any more than that
user44: LMAOOOOOOO
danielricciardo: i am HURT i thought she was named after her beloved god father?
yourusername: if that was the case do you not think we would've gone for the more obvious option of DANIELLE???
maxverstappen1: also you were just an acquaintance and childhood crush at that point daniel
yourusername: omg childhood crush on daniel SNAP
danielricciardo: i'm not that old???
maxverstappen1: we have such good taste
yourusername: we REALLY do
user44: so like they're defo flirting right?
user45: ugh you people have no class (i hope so)
landonorris: i'm so sorry for you guys BUT THANK GOD IT WAS SO HARD TO KEEP HER A SECRET
maxverstappen1: i mean y/n and i kept her a secret for like nearly eight years 🤨
yourusername: i also 100% caught your slip ups you're just lucky there was never any rumour at those times
landonorris: I AM A BLABBERMOUTH PLEASE BE PROUD OF ME
maxverstappen1: fine?
yourusername: i'd be more proud but everyone else also kept the secret sooooo ???
alexalbon
liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and 894,503 others
tagged: lilymunhe, yourusername
alexalbon: with permission i am now allowed to post my bestest friend in the world!
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user46: god has heard my prayers and gave me my alex and sydney content
user47: i'd say what a random pairing but i think my brain just blocked out alex at red bull as a trauma response
alexalbon: lord knows i only got through being locked in the sim with y/n's brownies and hugs from syd
yourusername: syd asked for her favourite uncle to score more points so we can get ice cream again
alexalbon: i'll fix the damn williams myself
yourusername: hurry up she's getting impatient (i have no clue where she gets that from)
maxverstappen1: I AM NOT IMPATIENT I JUST LIKE THINGS BEING DONE IN A PROMPT MANNER
yourusername: is that what you tell the engineers?
maxverstappen1: ... something along those lines
yourusername: are you going to get more community service?
maxverstappen1: i don't think there were any cameras ???
user48: so max doesn't believe in not swearing around kids... how bad is it with sydney?
maxverstappen1: i am on my BEST behaviour for her
alexalbon: she's like a little sailor
maxverstappen1: in my defence she's much cuter when she swears than me
charles_leclerc: is this why she called me a wanker when i didn't bring leo to the house?
yourusername: i fear that has alex albon written all over it
alexalbon: whoops!
lilymunhe: we need another play date asap !! he goes so mushy i can get him to do all the cute dates i wanna do
yourusername: is that why i got given a badly painted mug?
alexalbon: hey! i worked very hard on that :(
maxverstappen1: i thought sydney painted it alex
alexalbon: can you guys stop ganging up on me :(((((
yourusername: no!
maxverstappen1: 😘
user49: feeling some ... tension here
maxverstappen1
liked by charles_leclerc, alexalbon and 1,450,987 others
tagged: yourusername
maxverstappen1: guess who wanted to come see dad at work?
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user51: oh she really is max verstappen's daughter with that cold middle finger to ted kravitz
user52: are they going to make an eight year old do community service as well?
yourusername: great now she's attached to the engineers
maxverstappen1: oh noooooooooo how will we ever cope??? maybe we should all go to every race ???
yourusername: that would be very convenient, wouldn't it?
maxverstappen1: i can see you smiling while typing, i don't think you're as opposed as you say you are
yourusername: you got me! i like to see syd happy :(
maxverstappen1: and me...?
yourusername: and you, i guess 😚
user53: so like are we just going to ignore all of this ^^ and the second picture?
user54: it would be nice that through all the shit they've had thrown at them that they got together through it
danielricciardo: he's been waiting long enough
maxverstappen1: DANIEL???
danielricciardo: what ???
user55: daniel, thank you for your service
user56: i mean we've seen them at one race and it's crazy to think they're not together
alexalbon: why did i have to track my bestie down at the hotel? you verstappens too good for the williams garage?
yourusername: we were busy !!!
alexalbon: franco is distraught
francocolapinto: i am?
alexalbon: yes!!!!
francocolapinto: i am!
maxverstappen1: stop yapping for the love of god i was getting my shit together - something YOU told me to do
alexalbon: fine... i guess
user57: so like that's confirmation right?
yourusername
liked by danielricciardo, pierregasly and 2,349,855 others
tagged: maxverstappen1
yourusername: i'm still reporting all you journalists to the ethics boards but i guess something good did come out of all of this
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user58: FUCK SKY SPORTS BUT THANK THE LORD THIS IS SO CUTE
user59: a family that flips off ted kravitz together, stays together!
user60: y/n's dirty look at him will forever be legendary
maxverstappen1: i've always loved you, and i've loved playing the long game with you and prioritising syd !! here's to the rest of our lives xx
yourusername: i've always loved you too but as convoluted as it has been i think this has been the best way to be - all love to syd first
maxverstappen1: but now we can cut the shit and do all the cute things without it having to be a 'play date'
yourusername: i love you dummy, but your cats are mine now
maxverstappen1: they've always been yours, just like me
user61: okay fuck you guys this is too fucking cute
user62: no because i'm too chronically lonely to read this this morning
landonorris: FINALLY, I COULDN'T KEEP ANOTHER SECRET FOR MUCH LONGER
danielricciardo: booooooo, we've all kept this secret you're not special
landonorris: i thought i was the only one who max told about his feelings? like literally on the podium when he saw y/n and syd watching?
oscarpiastri: i think you just can't read people lando, even i knew max liked y/n and i've only seen them interact THIS WEEKEND
alexalbon: we've all known forever lando, you're not getting sympathy for keeping the secret for 12 hours
user63: the grid being so protective of the lil family is so cute
user64: i read that george got the GDPA to sign a petition that the media couldn't ask about syd before max was ready to start the conversation himself
user65: also by the sounds of it, they've been rooting for this relationship just as long as max and y/n
maxverstappen1: i'm so lucky to have two amazing girls in my life, i'll love you forever and as long as you'll have me
yourusername: now i have you, i'm never letting you go
maxverstappen1: right back at you
yourusername: you're the bestest father ever and the love of my life, never let anyone tell you anything else my gentle boy
maxverstappen1: i love you both more than anything ever, you're my guardian angel and syd is my favourite little lion
fin.
note: HAPPY MAX EMILIAN VERSTAPPEN BIRTHDAY TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE !!!
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#f1#f1 social media au#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen fluff#max verstappen#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen social media au
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shy!reader making fratboy!chris study with her so he can actually focus and pass his classes without always having her share her notes with him. things go in a different direction n shy!reader is sucking on the tip of fratboy!chris' dick when he gets an answer right or actually memorized something !!! idk just a thought
chris is not good at concentrating. on top of that, he hates studying; finds it useless and pathetic, would definitely much rather do anything else than study. his only reason for passing any of his classes is that he relies heavily on matt, who more often than not does the work for him, or he copies the answers from your organized notes that you leave for him, which contain everything he needs to pass.
it stresses you out just a bit — the weight of your own work feels overwhelming, especially as it piles on top of the responsibility of making sure that chris' notes are completed. it's a heavy burden that presses down on your shoulders, and honestly, you're growing tired of doing the majority of the work. you want him to learn, to grasp the material, and to memorise what he needs to understand on his own.
"why should i learn all this shit if i got you 'n matt doin' everythin' f'me?" chris huffs during a study session, flipping the textbook off his lap with a loud thud as it hits the floor. "m'takin' the easy way out, kid. why would i do it the hard 'n pointless way?"
"you need to stop making me and matt help you," you murmur as you bend down to retrieve the textbook, holing it tightly as you meet his gaze.
chris snorts, a smirk playing on his lips as he leans closer. "kid.. m'not makin' you do anythin'. i don't think i've even asked you for help once... s'just you handin' me your fancy little notes on your own."
his words cut deeper than you'd like to admit. it's true; he's never verbally asked for your help, it's more of you noticing his lack of effort and feeling compelled to offer your own support by taking the initiative to write the notes.
still, the realisation makes you pout and turn away, frustration bubbling inside you as you grapple with the truth of his statement.
"alright, look. you... you want me t'learn? fine. i can do that, but uh... but you have to do somethin' for me, yeah?" the sound of a proposition catches your attention, prompting you to slowly turn your head and meet his gaze. chris tilts his head to the side slightly, a glimmer in his eyes as he leans closer. "every time i get an answer right — or remember somethin'... you owe give me a kiss."
your heart skips a beat, and your eyes dart to his lips as his suggestion, the warmth flooding your cheeks. but chris lets out a deep chuckle, shaking his head.
"nah... nah, kid. wasn't talkin' about that."
is doesn't take you long to be between his legs, your knees sore from the wooden floorboards digging into your bones with your lips wrapped around the tip of his cock — gone from giving him sweet, little kisses to sucking him whenever he managed to get a question right.
there are tears in your eyes from the times he's been nestled deep in your throat, and you're unable to see him through watery vision, but you can feel him — stroking your cheek or cupping the back of your neck to keep his cock jammed down you throat.
shockingly, chris somehow got every question right. no mistakes, no fumbles of words, no breaks.
he got everything.
#ᯓ꒰asks꒱#ᯓ꒰anon꒱#☆ fratboy!chris#☆ shy!reader#☆ fratboy!chris x shy!reader#★ ⋮ sturniolo hours !#★ ⋮ chris hours !
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All You Need
Yandere! Bodyguard x Gn Reader
CW: obsessive behavior, minor stalking
i changed his name, his old name was doo doo, it was but a trick of the light
IM CHANGING HIS NAME AGAI-
♠️ Never before would you have ever considered hiring a bodyguard, you could defend yourself on your own just fine, but with all your rival manufacturers trying to get you out of the competition with assassinations and attempted kidnappings, you had no choice.
♠️ Feelings were a very rare thing for Baron, and he was fine with it, after all, emotions weren't a very helpful thing to have when your job is to kill people. There was no room for soft, sappy things like that when you lived in his side of the city.
♠️ But his cold and empty demeanor was somehow broken through the moment he saw you.
♠️ The smile you had on your face pierced his heart like cupid's arrow, it was like love at first sight for him.
♠️ He was just getting some rest after a particularly stressful job at a nearby bar when he heard the sweetest laughter from across the room.
♠️ There you were, the most beautiful person he's ever laid eyes upon. You were sitting with some other people, talking and drinking together like all the other patrons, but you stood out to him like a precious gem amongst stone.
♠️ It seemed as if the world slowed down when your eyes briefly met his.
♠️ He would now frequent that bar, learning what you like to order, when you get there and who you'd be with.
♠️ He's never talked to you, or even interacted with you in any way, but the feelings he had for you couldn't be denied. You're just too adorable!!
♠️ Through his connections, he found out you were a big name in weapons design. Unique and beautifully deadly instruments of death were created by your hands. Is it weird he finds that hot?
♠️ He'd start off making anonymous orders for weapons to you, it was normal to get one that was unnamed, so you thought nothing of it.
♠️ When he got his order, an intricately designed dagger, he couldn't bring himself to use it on anyone. This is a gift from his kind and talented darling! He couldn't just stab it into someone's chest like any other knife!
♠️ Yes, he has a little shrine of you.
♠️ When he heard you were hiring for a bodyguard, he was ecstatic! Finally, he can be with you for real! He had to stop himself from giggling like a little girl in front of his colleagues.
♠️ He applied for the job and immediately was given instructions to your address, he read it over and over again until it was engraved into his mind.
♠️ "Tomorrow, 5pm. 93 Lebberside Ave. Door with the hummingbird symbol on it in the alley. Do not be late."
♠️ When he arrived at the location, his heart was pounding under his cold expression. He knocked on the door and heard a muffled crash from inside with a small "Shit!" before the sound of multiple clicks of locks followed.
♠️ You pulled the door open and looked up at the man with dark eyes.
♠️ "Are you the applicant?"
♠️ "Y-yes.." God he stuttered, he hoped you couldn't see his flushed face.
♠️ "Good, come in." You pulled him in and swiftly locked the door again.
♠️ He looks around and it looked like a normal home, albeit a little cluttered. Boxes of files and paper were almost everywhere with takeout boxes and noodle cups on every surface of the house. Looks like you've been piled with work for a long time, poor thing, you really need him to take care of you don't you?
♠️ He sits down on the couch across from the little bean bag you were sitting on while reading a file you grabbed from the coffee table, god you're adorable..
♠️ "So you're..?"
♠️ "Baron..Baron Valencia.."
♠️ "Baron..."
♠️ Oh god say his name again please plea-
♠️ "Hm..your file's pretty good..and you don't have any recent dealings with my competitors? Interesting, looks like you have a good eye for quality weaponry huh?" You smile at his file before looking at him with fox eyes. The things he'd let you do to him...
♠️ "I just took a liking to your model's, they're more convenient and useful than others.." He says with a straight face.
♠️ You chuckle and ask him a few more questions before eventually moving on to small talk, he relished in the time you two spent together laughing at past experiences and jokes, it was like he's known you forever, it took every muscle in his body just to stop himself from smiling too much.
♠️ Eventually, you got up and patted his lap, putting down the file. "Well, Mr. Valencia, you're hired!" You say with a smile, the same smile that melted his heart the first time he saw you.
♠️ "Really?! I-I mean- thank you..Boss.."
♠️ He regains his calm composure after letting his voice go a little too high for his liking, any embarrassment he would've had in that situation was replaced with a warm, tingly feeling as you placed a hand on his shoulder, giggling.
♠️ After that, he'd watch you like a hawk, always being by your side ready to protect you, even if you’re just at home. You never know when someone will try to hurt you!
♠️ He'd be looming over you, giving any poor soul trying to talk to you a death stare until you introduced them as friends of yours, he's a giant guard dog basically.
♠️ His stoic expression would persist even when you make small talk with him all the time so casually. It was like he wasn't even your bodyguard sometimes, just a friend you were hanging out with.
♠️ He wasn't all intimidating and cold, he was also very concerned for your health...all the time, and can you blame him? You've been living off of takeout and instant noodles for months!
♠️ "Boss, I think you should eat a proper dinner and not fastfood again, I'll cook for you."
♠️ "Your work can wait, Boss. I'm sure your client can wait another day, please, you look tired."
♠️ It's all part of being your bodyguard! He has to keep you safe and healthy! He'd be happy to move in so he can protect you 24/7 if you'd let him.
♠️ He'd offer to help you clean your living space a little too, since you're so busy and all with work, he might as well make life easier for you. You said yes to get him to stop pestering you about it and when you came back to the living room, all the clutter and empty food containers were gone..as well as a few of your clothes..I guess he put them away as well, how nice of him.
♠️ If you confront him about this, he'd deny it all flushed in between stutters.
♠️ "Well Baron, it sounds to me like you want to be my househusband more than a bodyguard with all your offers for looking after me and such."
♠️ "Wh- Me? N-no! I'd never! I-I mean unless you'd want that..Not that I'm saying I want to! But well uhm- I-if you uh..uhm..I'll leave you alone to work..."
♠️ On days off a.k.a. days you forced him to take a break from taking care of you to get a bit of breathing space for yourself, he'd stalk your social medias or flat out stalk you. A true bodyguard never stops protecting their boss! He just wants to watch over you!
♠️ On the rare occasions that you're too deep in work and not getting a blink of sleep, he'd use his strong arms to pull you into bed and force you to rest. It wasn't long before he heard you softly snoring in his arms, you were exhausted from long days of working and delivering orders and evading taxes and such, no wonder you went out like a light.
♠️ He looked down at you as he sighed lovingly, placing a kiss on your head, whispering a soft "Goodnight, cariño.." Before drifting off to sleep himself.
♠️ "..Goodnight Baron.."
♠️ "B-Boss! Y-you heard that?!"
#male yandere#oc yandere#yandere oc#yandere x reader#yandere x gn reader#yandere male#yandere#yandere x male reader#tw yandere#x reader#bodyguard x reader#yandere x you#yandere x female reader#yandere x darling#yandere x y/n#yandere bodyguard#bodyguard#x male y/n#x male oc#x male reader#x female reader#x female y/n#x gn reader#x gn y/n#opossumdoodles
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A Rarity
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~900
Warnings: fluff
Summary: You have a rare genetic code called heterochromia. You have two different colored eyes that you have tried to suppress ever since you got seriously bullied in middle school. Just when you're about to present a case, you find your contact case is missing.
Square Filled: friends with benefits (2022) for @spencerreidbingo
Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3
x
Today is the day you start your new job as the team’s liaison. You’ve always been part of this since JJ was the main person to deal with it. However, she’s been promoted to profiler which means all the slack now falls on your shoulders. You love interacting with families and comforting them when they most need it.
This is the first case when it’s just going to be you, so you’re kind of nervous about it. Before going into the briefing room, you decide to touch up on your makeup and hair as if you’re going in front of millions on the TV to present the case. You take out your contacts and leave them to rehydrate on your desk while you go to the bathroom to fix your makeup.
Once you’re done, you make sure not to look into anyone’s eyes as you make your way back to your desk. The first thing you do is put away your makeup. The second thing you do is grab your contacts to put them back in but they’re not where you left them.
“Shit,” you curse and go through your entire desk. “No, this isn’t happening.”
You’re panicking at the thought of not having your contacts. You don’t need them to see, in fact, you have 20/20 vision. No, you use them only for color because you have a rare thing called heterochromia. Your right eye is bright blue and your left is bright green. You were born with two different eye colors. No one in your family has this genetic but you, so you have no idea where it came from.
Ever since you were enrolled in school, you were bullied for your eyes. It didn’t start getting bad until middle school when kids were more focused on appearances than learning and making friends. Kids in elementary school actually found them to be cool but only because they were little kids who didn’t know any better.
Your peers made you hate this part of you even though you can’t do anything about it. As soon as you started high school, you begged your mom to get you colored contacts. You’ve been wearing them ever since even into your adult years. You choose a natural blue to make yourself look more normal. Had you not had those, you would for sure get bullied even worse than in middle school.
The longer you went wearing them the more people thought your eyes were just one color. No one at work knows about this or so you thought. The only person who might know about this is Spencer but that’s only because you two have been friends with benefits for quite some time now. It helps to have one to work off the stress from work. Plus, he’s an amazing lover so there’s a plus.
You two aren’t dating just fucking a lot.
While he was getting ready this morning at your place, you were in the bathroom rushing to do your makeup. You hadn’t put your contacts in just yet so if he were to walk in the bathroom, he’d see your eyes for what they truly are. He was getting ready and peeked through the open door to see if you were close to being done when he saw the beauty in your eyes. He didn’t say anything about it so as not to embarrass you.
He walks into the bullpen from the break room to see you panicking.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Where are my contacts? I just had them on my desk.”
“I didn’t know you wore contacts,” he lied. You refuse to look at him without them in. “I’m sure it’ll be alright. You have glasses, right?”
“Yes, but--”
“But what? What’s the problem?”
“Never mind,” you groan and continue looking for them.
“Hey, look at me.” When you don’t, he sets his coffee down on the desk and grabs your chin gently. He makes you look at him but you close your eyes so he doesn’t see their colors. “Open your eyes.”
“No,” you shake your head.
“Darling, open your eyes,” he says gently.
He would be the person to find out eventually. You sigh and open your eyes to show him the rarity you have. Now that he gets to see them up close, he’s falling more in love with you. You might not have feelings for him but he certainly has them for you. He only keeps you as a fuck buddy because if he were to tell you the truth, he might lose you.
“What beautiful eyes you have.”
“They’re ugly,” you sigh and pull away from him.
“Who told you that?”
“Everyone I’ve ever known,” you scoff. You look at your watch and notice the time. “Shit, I have to give the case out.”
“No one is going to notice.”
“Are you kidding me? They’re so bright. They stand out.”
“Fine, if they make comments, I’ll handle it.”
You have no choice but to go in there without your contacts. You sigh and grab your things before heading to the briefing room with Spencer. Everyone is already in there waiting so you immediately get started. As you’re talking, you notice Spencer watching you with a smile on his face.
“You’re beautiful,” he mouths to you.
Your cheeks heat up but you don’t let it show how happy he makes you. The briefing only lasts thirty minutes before Hotch announces wheels up. When everyone is packing up to get out of there, you notice something sticking out of Spencer’s back pocket.
Your contact case. You want to be mad at him for taking it but maybe it’s time to let your rarity shine.
x
Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fan fic#spencer reid fan fiction#spencer reid fiction#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fluff#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfiction#cm fanfiction#criminal minds fic#cm fic
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🧝🏻♀️Mystical Glow-Up Secrets ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card
Your mystical glow-up is literally divinely ordained, no cap HAHAH I’ve got this vibe from the deck-bottom but let me start with this quote:
'A Humanity that thinks materialistically will produce frightful beings in the future, and a Humanity that thinks spiritual thoughts, will work upon and transform the future organism so that beautiful Human bodies will proceed from it.' – Rudolf Steiner
Oh, gosh.
We are in an era of spiritual consciousness. This is an era where we learn to reflect outwardly what it means to be a 5D-Consciousness Being. Living in a 5D consciousness, people naturally feel lighter, freer, younger, prettier, healthier, more fit, more stress-free, more energetic; all because people's whole vibrations are 'triggered' by a more spiritual ae-nergy.
ae is known as chi or prana or orgone in other languages; by synchronizing with your ae, ever so organically your body learns to derive vital energy from a purer source of consciousness—a high vibration of aetheric authenticity—that reflects in the physical world as a glow-up of the highest divine order~♥︎
As your Mind comes into alignment with the ae of your Spirit, so your Body becomes attuned to that Order. The significance of ae will only grow as more people come into a spiritual kind of liberation from the chains of insecurity propagated by the monsters in the media and politics.
No matter what the propaganda of the moment may say and try to do, you could always be the conscious individual that distils information and derives from this process only the essence of what is good for you on a personal level. If you’re happy, satisfied, confident and proud with your intelligent conscious choices, that spark of contentment is what truly makes a person glow from the inside out~★
education: Body Care and Grooming (1948)
technomagy: Facial Symmetry with Muscle Toning (Energetic Programmed Audio) by Sapien Medicine
deck-bottom: XX Judgement Rx, Silver Historian (Polydore Vergil), Priestess of Beauty
[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3]
[Patreon] [Paid Readings]
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 1 – As You Mend Your Heart, Babe, All of You Gets Beautiful Again
assistance: what is coming is 100000x better than what is gone by doyouflow
what’s been taken from you? – 9 of Wands
Although this is a 9 of Wands card, I see that the entirety of your Pile is water-based. You’re someone whose heart is very pure and kind, and you’ve sacrificed a lot of yourself for being there for others. I’m hearing: ‘for a pessimist I was pretty optimistic, and I got nothing—NOTHING—but betrayal and abandonment, and I am exhausted.’ Being charitable around the wrong fucker can surely drain our spiritual aenergy!
You’ve been through multiple cycles of ‘exhausting’ friendships with people who couldn’t appreciate you for the delicate human that you are. They only saw you as this fiery, strong, charismatic capable individual who always managed to whip up a positive attitude in any circumstances. It never occurred to them—not that they’d care to wonder anyway—that maybe this time around you’re the one needing a hug.
Nobody cared; and even the ones who pretended to care, only wanted to know what your gloominess was all about. And they went on to talk shit behind your back and had a good laugh about it. ‘MU HA HA HA, turns out Y/N ain’t even that shit! Y/N is pretty pathetic/loser/crazy BU HA HA HA HA!!!’ Funny thing is, you always knew about their shit one way or another and the whole revelation broke your heart to pieces. Multiple times with different people… tsk tsk…
recalling fragments of your beauty – 9 of Cups
Well, now, I can see you’ve lost a lot of these ‘friends’ and worked on yourself to create new neural pathways towards a truer sense of spiritual abundance. I’m sure right now your Life is pretty OK in areas like finance and material security; your job or creative project is going swimmingly; you have a pretty good work-life balance; and for the most part you’re really enjoying the peacefulness of your solitary Life.
But if there’s one thing, I think you haven’t had a really good conversation with someone interesting in a pretty long time. I see that your eyes have not twinkled from being complimented by someone genuinely kind in a really long while. You’ve lost a lot of your affection for people and you’ve lost faith in being energetic and social. People always disappoint in the end because their hearts are ugly and they’re mean to each other. This deep-seated belief has caused your eyes to look dead and droopy.
Have you perhaps noticed that you’ve developed a set of sanpaku eyes? The minimalistic science behind it states that people could develop sanpaku eyes after going through a lot—like a FUCKTON—of heartache and disappointments. I think your case could be dealing with some kind of a ‘betrayal trauma’ or some variety of ‘injustice trauma’. Look ‘em up, babe~ ♥︎
sealing the deal with the Divine Feminine – Knight of Cups
If some years have passed now since the last time you were around your fake friends, or even frenemies, I want you to know that your beauty has not been lost to time or ageing. Nope. Not at all. That’s bullshit. I can see that you’re the type of person who ages very UNNATURALLY. If your natal chart has a lot of Water aenergies or you have strong placements in Water Houses, you’re defo the type of bitch that can TRANSFORM your physical appearance by sheer mood ;D At this point, you can’t even age coz that skin barrier is strong AF LMAO
THAT’S WHY! Your true mystical glow-up secret lies in your mending your pretty Heart~ You’ve never had an ugly Heart, obviously, and still now it’s not ugly or anything; but it’s the way you think about how deserving you are of a friendship or relationship that honours your complex sensitivity that needs to be acknowledged and RECLAIMED. Doesn’t matter how, doesn’t matter when or who’s coming next, I just want you to know that if this reading has popped in to your Life… Your Soulmates are coming to get you, bitch. Pack up and play in the sea! XD
The good times that you’re going to be having with your Soulmates, Soul Tribes, Soul Fam—however you may resonate—are going to refill the stars in your Heart, automatically reflected in your eyes~ ★_★v Hahah I promise you that you’re going to reunite with Souls who are very, very old friends with you. You’re going to live a very happy, passionate Life doing things you like with people you Love… How the hell do you think that’s not gonna heal all of you and make everything about you beautiful again?😉
Originally, you’re a beautiful bitch. And if you’ve also got some Capricorn/Saturn/10th House placements, it’s very likely you’re ageing backwards! What the hell even is that?? \`★_★`/
GODDESS OF BEAUTY🔻💙
beauty on the inside – Green Physician (Paracelsus)
beauty on the outside – Priestess of Inspiration
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 2 – It’s the Passion in Your Heart That Reflects Outwardly Your True Inner Beauty
assistance: I TRUST things aren’t falling apart they are FALLING INTO PLACE by doyouflow
~wah, girl, you really gotta check out the bonus content for this one XP~
what’s been taken from you? – 5 of Cups Rx
Out of all the Piles, you’re the baddest bitch of them all, do you realise that? You’ve got the most unhinged aenergy about you XD You’re a psycho, you know that? You’re generally thought of as either unpredictable or uncontrollable, but you could also be both, unprovoked LMAO People think you’re a problem child, because you’re so gutsy. I’m literally not getting ANYTHING about what’s been taken from you ^_^; Are you sure you still need this PAC? XD
First of all, you literally exist in your own dimension. That’s why people can’t control you. They can’t tame you. You’re a weirdo, a maniac even, who does things your way, plans things according to your vision, and yours alone, for the most part. People think you’re rather selfish but it’s because you’re a girl, right? If you were a man they’d say you’re DRIVEN. And yes! DRIVE that Bentley, bitch! No, DRIVE that Tesla into OUTER SPACE, bitch! You don’t appreciate people telling you what you CAN’T do!
And you don’t like it when people gaslight you about your confidence just because they’re a little bitch. You love being a Supreme Bitch—you’re a girl on a mission; ain’t nobody got the aenergy to listen to nobody’s guilt-tripping. And in that sense, your spirit and psychology have never really been hit by society. Society has never been able to take away anything from you ♡
recalling fragments of your beauty – XIV Temperance Rx
I see that your Beauty has stayed intact for the majority of your Life. It’s not like you’d resonate with having lost fragments of your beauty to years of depression, malnutrition or anything of the sort? Your mindset has remained strong for the majority of your adult Life. You have a strong mentality and this is reflected well in your physical body. A glow-up is easy, as long as you want it. And for the most part, your glow-up is tightly bound to your sense of purpose.
You’ve always known you’re meant for great things. And from a very young age you already worked on your mentality. You REFUSED to be normal, you refused mediocrity. It wasn’t a walk in the park until you reached your conviction though. Your childhood was rather constrictive, either due to societal expectations…or familial expectations. The adults around you thought you didn’t notice but you saw all of these fences put around you, and they pissed you off. Even your peers couldn’t understand what you wanted to make out of yourself.
So you rebelled from a very young age. You were, yes, THEE problem child, only because the small-minded people around you were a problem to your goals! Such hindrance. And now you’re glowing up and grabbing all the money bags and they jealous? Are you even fucking kidding my butt? Your path towards a total glow-up of your mindset and real life was not always perfect, but what’s perfection? All of the struggles play into creating your lore👑
sealing the deal with the Divine Feminine – 2 of Cups
If you’ve never heard anybody tell you this, allow me to be the first. Your drive, your determination, your ambition and motivation, although these qualities may make you appear like a selfish bitch on the outside, I, ME, MYSELF, understand that you want these things not only for yourself. There are people in this world you want to protect and provide for. Maybe it’s your mother who was abused or left by her deadbeat husband, idk. Maybe it’s a sibling or a pet you want to give the best Life for, idk.
Maybe, you want to achieve success and fame and be seen by the world, because you want to save the world from the malady of its own crazy, idk~ You want to be an example, a healing presence, a voice of reason, a voice for the voiceless, idk? You may look a certain bitchy, scary way on the outside, but your heart is good; it’s PURE GOLD. You live for the betterment of someone else and if that’s not LOVE, what is?
What most people don’t understand about you is how your sparkle of beauty literally comes from this desire to protect and provide for someone other than yourself. You have a lot of Love in your heart, even if you don’t always admit it to yourself. Your entire Life, your glow-up has come from your being DRIVEN. Vroom vroom, MOTHERFUCKER .・°☆~ You leave a trail of stardust for your aenemies ♥︎
GODDESS OF BEAUTY🔻💛
beauty on the inside – Green Alchemist (Nicolas Flamel)
beauty on the outside – Priestess of Patience
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 3 – When Your Existence is Useful to the Healing of Others, Their Love/Gratitude Nurtures You Back to Health
assistance: you get to be universes favorite by doyouflow
what’s been taken from you? – Page of Cups Rx
See, it’s crazy that literally a few mins before starting on you, Pile 3, I came across a quote that says this:
‘Some of us are such advanced Souls that we did not come here to be supported, but we came to be the support system for many. If you’ve had a challenging Life and feel you never had proper support or Love, that is because YOU are the Love and Support.’
Well, my heart broke, but…hey, there’s clarity and validation there😊
All of these cards are in reverse, telling me there’s a lot that’s been taken from you. Your heart, compassion, resources, money, hobby items, OMG, the list is endless! So much has been taken away from you. Either by people borrowing stuff without remembering to return or people getting a favour without returning it to you. At least, even when it seemed like they did return some favour to you…the return was either lacklustre or just…it didn’t feel right?
You’ve felt gaslit too much your entire Life. An incessant feeling of being unseen, unappreciated, unloved, could’ve eaten away at your self-worth. You’ve often been the miracle in someone else’s Life, but when it comes to you needing a transformation in your Life, where’s MY miracle…? I think you could have Chiron in 12th House or Pisces? That kind of placement is one where an individual constantly feels like they’ve been forsaken by God, or the positive forces of the Universe…
recalling fragments of your beauty – 3 of Pentacles Rx
The truth of the matter is, you’ve not been forsaken by your Spirit Guides. See, this message is gonna be especially resonant for you who do have Chiron or Saturn in the 8th or 12th House—that the Universe, your Higher Self and Spirit Guides have given you so little guidance and support, because you’re meant to learn how it feels like to be in the shoes of Humans. See, it’s not to say these Humans do not have support—babe, they CAN’T access the support because they’re BLIND and DEAF AS FUCK.
Humans are so embarrassingly divorced from their own intuition. Even the most religious folks are blind and deaf to actual angelic whispers. In many cases, because their false religions have taught them to worship wrongly and be obedient to evil authority and not question any injustice and wrongdoings. The more blindly religious a person is, the more separated they are from their own Humanity, because now their ears are deaf to empathy.
You came into this world to understand the twists and turns of how it feels like to navigate this crazy Matrix with so little guidance, so that one day, when you’re propelled into your main mission, you can remind and even teach people how to re-connect with Love—the true source of all compassion and Divinity in Human Form. When you remind people of their Humanity, you regain, and grow exponentially in Beauty ♥︎
sealing the deal with the Divine Feminine – 6 of Pentacles Rx
So, as you can see, you have a very important spiritual mission in this incarnation. I do not give a goddamn dime what you think you look like; whether or not you‘re conventionally attractive; whether or not you fit some bullshit beauty standards; YOU ARE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL when you’re seen sharing your healing gifts with the world! You do remember that a lot of historians say Cleopatra wasn’t perceived as necessarily that conventionally beautiful by most people, right? But that everybody was charmed by her intelligence and charisma when talking about politics?
Yeah, you give me that vibe, bitch <3 That the essence of what you do to alleviate sorrow in the world, when seen by others, when people listen to what you say, when what you do or write changes people’s lives for the better, when people feel motivated by your sheer aenergy to improve themselves—it’s that kinda shit what will help you regain your natural beauty, or manifest a glow-up ☆
When you engage in your Life’s main mission, it’s people’s Love for what you do and the Gratitude they feel for what it’s done in their lives what will aenergetically nurture you back to health. In a nutshell, people’s appreciation for your Life’s Work IS your support system in this world—later on in Life maybe if you haven’t started. It is your Purpose to be useful to the healing of others~ You’re defo gonna have an audience \^_^v Namaste, bitches~★ I honour all that you’ve been through and all that you’re going to do for this world~ You’re so LOVED!!! <3
GODDESS OF BEAUTY🔻🧡
beauty on the inside – Gold Historian (Raphael Holinshed)
beauty on the outside – Priestess of Love
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3]
[Patreon] [Paid Readings]
#Punk Panda Pick A Pic#pick a card#tarot pick a card#pick a card reading#pac#tarot pac#pac reading#tarot#astrology#witchythings#witchblr#tarotblr#astroblr#self development#beauty#glow up#it girl#that girl#confidence#gratitude#spirituality#mindset
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radio
pairing: the genz!driver x team x 23!grid
summary: some team radios of our beloved genz!driver
warnings: some swearing
note: oh i hope you all will like what i did here, it took me a hot minute, soo, pls don’t be a ghost reader
our genz!driver doesn��t drive for a specific team (pls imagine which ever is your fav), so the colours of the team radio will be violet, bc it’s not used :)
masterlist / taglist
Bahrain 2023
Q2
- „Okay y/n, you made it into Q2! Let’s keep that same pace you had in Q1“
- „Oh did you hear that? Where did Oscar place??“
- „Piastri is out in Q1, P18“
- „Wooh!! Oscar owes me 50 bucks!!! He lost the bet, he lost it! He didn’t think I’d out-qualify him!“
End of Qualifying
- „Good job, y/l/n! Thats P12 for you! Great start of the season“
- „Yeah baby! I’m the new Smooth Operator, Smooth Operator!“
Race
- „Uhm guys, I think there’s something wrong with my car…“
- „What is it, y/n?“
- „I just overtook Charles, how is that even possible?! Wtf guys, am I that fast?“
- „Oh my god, y/n, you had me stressed out here. I really thought you had technical problems for a second“
- „No worries, I’m just faster than a Ferrari“
—
- „Radio check“
- „It’s a cruel summer!“
—
- „Tell me, tell me how we finished, how I finished?!“
- „P11 baby!“
- „Uh, yeah, who’s almost in the points?!“
- „YOU!“
—
Saudi Arabia 2023
FP2
- „Tell me, is Danny here?“
- „Yea, why?“
- „Can you tell him I said hi? Please“
- „Uhm, sure I can, why?“
- „I just promised him yesterday I‘d give him a shoutout from the track, hahaha“
Q1
- „Okay, y/n, let’s get into Q3 today!“
- „Let’s gooooo!“
- „Could you not scream into the coms, please?“
- „WOHOO!“
- „y/n…“
- „Love you“
- „I don’t…“
- „You totally do“
- „I don’t“
- „You dooooo“
Q2
- „P12, good job y/n“
- „Could’ve gone better“
- „It’s a good result, y/n“
- „But still no Q3“
- „Hey, y/n, cheer up, it’s the same result as last race“
- „I thought we improved, I thought I improved“
- „We can still climb up the ladder“
- „As if, I’m not good enough for that many overtakes, I can defend, but that… I don’t know man“
- „Hey hey, listen to me, y/n. You deserve that spot in F1, you’re young and you’re learning with every race, with every test. I know you’ll be champion one day. Maybe not this race, but you’re gonna go far, kid“
- „…“
- „Are you crying, hahaha?“
- „Let me be emotional, dipshit“
- „Oh Lando is gonna have a field day with this, hahaha“
- „Please don’t show that to Lando“
- „Come to the garage first and we can discuss it“
Race
- „Radio check, y/n“
- „Vamos a la playa“
- „Loud and clear…“
—
- „FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, SHIT, SHIT, DAMN, WHY DOES IT NEVER GO MY WAY?!“
- „Unfortunate events, retire the car, y/n“
- „UNFORTUNATE?! STROLL JUST STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD AND I HAD TO BREAK SO HARD NOT TO CRASH INTO HIM THAT I CRASHED INTO THE WALL!“
- „It is what it is“
- „Don’t meme me, I’m mad… haha, okay, thank you“
Australia 2023
Q2
- „Good pace, y/n, let’s keep it that way and we’ll make it into Q3“
- „Alrighty mighty“
- „Cringe“
—
- „AND THATS P9 FOR YOU“
- „Huh?“
- „P9“
- „I’m into Q3?! Am I really?“
- „Yes! Yes you are!“
Q3
- „Whoop, whoop, that’s the sound of the police“
- „Whoop, whoop, that’s the sound that I need“
- „P10 baby“
- „P10!“
Race
- „Hi y/n, you’re doing really good out there, bring 'em home for me, will ya?“
- „Danny?“
- „Yes?“
- „Hi Danny“
- „Hi, y/n! You’re currently P9, with 0.548s to Piastri“
- „Okay“
- „Let’s push and stay in the points!“
—
- „YOU‘VE CROSSED THE FINISH LINE AS 7TH!!!“
- „THOSE ARE 6 POINTS, RIGHT?“
- „YES!“
- „It’s all because of Danny!“
- „I’ll gladly let him know“
Miami 2023
Race
- „I- help!“
- „What’s going on? y/n talk to me“
- „I don’t think my break is working“
- „y/n, we are going to retire then, box box“
- „I’ll try for one more lap“
- „No you won’t“
- „I will“
—
- „I think it’s fine“
- „…“
- „Yea, it’s fine, I can brake normally, hihi, sorry for the worries“
- „You’re a menace, y/n“
Monaco 2023
FP1
- „Monaco baby, the land of pretty people and expensive things, I am home“
- „Why’s that, you’re not from Monaco, y/n“
- „I am pretty and expensive therefore I am home“
Race
- „Radio check, y/n“
- „NOT NOW“
- „Noted“
—
- „I don’t feel pretty“
- „Sucks for you“
- „Man, that’s a shit move“
- „Sucks“
—
- „Okay y/n, you’re currently P11 with 0.639s behind DeVries, let’s push to P10“
- „DeVries? Nyck is P10? What happened?“
- „I don’t know, let’s just push him off of P10“
- „Harsh“
- „I’m a bad bitch“
- „Fuck that bitch“
—
- „Great job, y/n P10!“
- „Where is DeVries?“
- „P12“
- „Who overtook him?“
- „Bottas“
- „HAH!“
- „Be nice“
- „Ugh“
Montréal 2023
FP3
- „You are currently P3, I repeat, you are currently placed on P3“
- „Who’s pranking me? Max? Lando?“
- „No one, you ARE P3!“
- „WHAT?!“
- „Let’s take that pace into qualifying“
- „Uhm, yea, definitely“
Q2
- „What’s my time?“
- „1:18.725“
- „And Max‘s?“
- „1:19.092“
- „WHAT?“
- „You are P1, y/n“
- „Are you kidding me?“
- „I would never“
- „Mhm, but really? P1?“
- „I swear to god, P1“
Q3
- „Fuck! Shit! Holy macaroni fucking meatballs! I crashed, I repeat, I crashed“
- „Yea, we saw, retire the car“
Race
- „P7, good job!“
- „Thanks…“
- „Oh and y/n, you’ve been voted driver of the day“
- „Really?“
- „Really“
- „Firstly, I wanna thank the ground, because without it, I wouldn’t be standing here today“
- „That only works if you’re really standing somewhere, y/n, you’re sitting in an F1 car“
- „Then I’d like to thank my F1 car…“
- „I deactivated your coms“
Austria 2023
Sprint Shootout
- „What exactly is a Sprint really?“
- „Oh my god, really y/n?“
- „No… of course not…“
—
- „Great job, you placed P13“
- „Mhm, thanks… I‘m thirsty“
- „…“
- „Did no one hear me? I want my drink, where is the drink?“
- „You will not have the drink“
- „Oh you waited so long for that, didn’t you?“
- „No…, yes“
- „Kimi is a legend.“
Sprint
- „I don’t like this Sprint thingy“
- „Why?“
- „I don’t know, just because“
—
- „P15“
- „No good job?“
- „Not today“
- „Understandable“
Race
- „I want to go home, I am tired of this“
- „What?“
- „It’s getting boring with Max always leading and winning“
- „Thats why we need to push as hard as we can“
- „As if I’ll ever overtake Max“
- „One day, y/n, one day“
- „But not today, that’s why I want to go home“
- „You can’t“
- „Loser“
Silverstone 2023
FP2
- „Why do I not see Charles on the grid?“
- „Why do you have time to look at the screen and not see Charles on there?“
- „You should be driving“
- „I am“
- „Clearly not fast enough“
- „Hey, I am faster than you think“
- „You are currently driving with a speed of 156 km/h“
- „How do you know that..?“
- „I am your race engineer, I know everything“
- „Did you know that I just farted, hahaha?“
- „Unfortunately“
- „Hihi“
- „You’re gross“
- „Thank you“
- „Welcome“
—
Race
- „If Lewis stands on that podium, he owes me a dinner“
- „And if he doesn’t?“
- „I owe him a pity dinner“
- „And if you stand on that podium?“
- „Thats unrealistic, that’s why we didn’t bet on it“
- „True“
- „HEY!“
- „You said it first!“
- „Not a reason for you to call it out!“
- „Women“
- „I heard that“
- „You were supposed to“
- „Less talking, more driving!“
- „Yes boss“
- „Yes boss“
—
- „Omg, omg, omg, tell me I crossed that line without a single penalty and we don’t get a grid penalty? Please tell me this is true?“
- „YOU ARE P4 Y/N“
- „Am I really?“
- „Yes!“
- „If it weren’t for the safety car you would’ve been P3!“
- „I don’t care! It’s my best result so far!“
- „So near and yet so far“
- „Lew is P3?“
- „Yep“
- „P4 and I get a free dinner from Lew, what a day“
- „Be proud and loud“
- „WOOHOO!!!“
- „Maybe not so loud…“
- „Sorry not sorry“
Hungary 2023
FP1
- „Oh Danny Ric is back on the grid!“
- „Mhm“
- „Aren’t you happy to see my favourite person driving again?“
- „Totally“
- „Be happy!“
- „Okay…“
—
- „Oh… I just passed Danny“
- „You are on your flying lap, he needs to let you pass..?“
- „Yeah… but he needs a positive experience on his first race back…“
- „HES THE ENEMY“
- „He’s my best friend…“
- „Does he know that?“
- „Uhm, I hope so“
Race
- „Tell Lando he’s doing a great job“
- „Just drive“
- „Okay…“
—
- „Lando says thank you, by the way“
- „For what?“
- „Just forget it“
- „Okay“
—
- „Oh, for that! You’re welcome, Landi“
- „It took you 4 laps to realise“
- „My brain is sometimes slow, let me be“
- „I would if I could“
—
- „Oh how I hate Perez“
- „It’s mutual“
- „Hihi“
—
- „Radio check“
- „I am so glad that the summer break is right in front of me, just 33 more laps and it’s me chilling on the beach, getting tan and reading good books and you know, that’s how my dream life looks like and…“
- „How can she be so talkative but still be on for a podium? It’s a mystery for me“
- „And Lando and me oh and Danny will go on vacation together. Maybe Lewis will come as well. I want to go to the Maldives but we’ll see. Oh and you know what would be cool? If we really…“
- „Is she still talking? Yep…“
- „I could learn how to surf and eat loads of stuff and just relax“
- „So you finally decided to stop speaking and concentrate on the race? Great job, y/n“
- „Thanks!“
—
- „Thats P5 for you! What a race to start the summer break“
- „Thank you so much“
- „We’ll see us in 3 weeks!“
- „Byeeeee“
°°°
@ironmaiden1313 , @topguncultleader , @biglittlesecret, @gulabjamooon , @lovelyy-moonlight , @peachyplumsss , @mistrose23 , @copper-boom , @love4lando , @champomiel , @serenityleah , @iloveyou3000morgan , @angelwithoutmywings , @elleeeee21 , @youkissedareaderinthedark , @mikauraur , @thybulleric , @lpab , @fdl305 , @mellowarcadefun , @teti-menchon0604 , @vildetry06 , @bibissparkles , @aurora-maria , @lunnnix , @sya-skies , @Buckywifeyy , @dakotali , @rechtrecht , @noncannonships , @1eclerc16 , @pitlanebabe , @sopheeg , @avengersheart , @thatsadsmallchild , @peachiicherries , @idkiwantchocolatee , @callsign-scully , @mehrmonga , @badbatch-simp24 , @lissyontour , @din0nugs , @elliegrey2803 , @gay-for-victoria-de-angelis , @10vely-yutazen , @daggersquadphantom , @azriel-the-shadowsinger , @i-love-scott-mccall
#f1 x reader#formula 1#f1#genz driver#team radio#f1 team radio#charles leclerc x reader#carlos sainz x reader#daniel ricciardo#charles leclerc#fernando alonso#sebastian vettel x reader#max verstappen
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Part 1 Part 2
Ghost was sweating bullets, feeling a little too warm for comfort as he stared at the articles of clothing he had on his bed, his closet practically empty. Since when was he a ‘I don’t have anything to wear’ guy? It wasn’t anything special, just dinner. He could throw on any button up and slacks, but the mere thought of appearing like he didn’t care had him wanting to strangle himself. He got you flowers, and a reservation at a nice Mediterranean place he’d been saving for, remembering a comment you made about how much you loved their food, but how expensive it was. He couldn’t do all that just for you to think he wasn’t serious. He had to have you! He gulped thickly, wondering how pretty you would look. Would you doll yourself up just for him? His heart threatened to break a rib from the inside at the thought.
A headache was starting to form in his skull as he carefully stared at what he had to work with. How did you like men dressed? He had never paid enough attention to your rambles before. You had to have said something though, that he couldn’t help but overhear. Alas, no matter how much he wracked his brain, the thought wouldn’t come to him. He wipes his sweaty palm on his bare thighs. You may have said something about black button ups, but he couldn’t remember if you had actually said that, or if his brain was just making something up out of desperation. Either way, he quickly put it on, choosing black slacks to go with it. Usually he wore silver, but he noticed you usually wore gold, not that you got the chance to wear jewelry often on base.
He wanted to match you, his face felt a little hot at the thought people would think you two were a couple, even if you technically weren’t yet. He quickly chose his few gold rings, along with a small chain around his neck. You had a similar necklace, only smaller and daintier. Maybe you’d be wearing it tonight. He had the image in his head, the pretty color on your skin, your pretty skin he wanted to bite and-
No, he reminded himself, we aren’t doing this right now. Checking the time, he figured he should get going soon if he wanted to show up early, and see that cute face of yours light up when he gave you the flowers.
Sure enough, once you opened your door and took in the sight before you, your pretty eyes Ghost had been admiring lit up, your lips quickly finding their way to his cheek. You might as well have electrocuted him. He stood dumbfounded at your door while you placed his gift in a vase. He quickly snapped out of it once your tapped his bicep, asking if he was ok.
"Oh, yes, love, more than okay"
Your face heated up at the look he gave you, his eyes obviously lingering on places a gentleman shouldn't be looking. It was the same when you got to the restauraunt. He knew in the back of his mind he appeared like a creep, but you were such a pretty one, he couldn't help but stare obsessively at you, especially now that you were so much closer, and he could see more details he couldn't spot from the distance he usually sat from you. Besides from that, as stressed as he'd been earlier, it was so easy to fall into conversation with you. He tried to keep the subject on you as much as possible, not because he didn't want to share anything about himself, but because he wanted to make up for lost time, learn as much about you as possible, so he could be your perfect man. If you would accept him, that is.
Shit, he wasn't even sure if you wanted to pursue something serious, meanwhile he was already trying to guess and imagine what wedding dress you'd like, and how you'd give him such cute babies. Little does he know you were more than happy to think about a future with him, though, to be fair, your thoughts were a little more impure, but still wholesome.
He was starting to question why he didn't start chasing after you sooner, when you knocked over your drink of choice. Ah, right, he had considered you useless and clumsy. He chuckled to himself, but practically got whiplash when you started apologizing profusely, turning red out of embarassment. How had he missed that before? God, you were just so cute. Ghost practically seethed at himself for not paying more attention and snatching you up sooner. But that thought quickly flew away as he started thinking about how he wanted to see you jump and yelp and laugh at your mistakes again and again, forever.
And sure enough, you did, as you knocked over various things as he dragged you along the darkness of his home, his assurances and kisses on your head that it was 'ok, love, just keep following him', until you both landed on his bed, soon to become yours too.
Most likely not gonna write a part 4, besides some more cute drabbles about Ghost x incompetent! Reader cuz idk I just love the concept
#tw suggestive#ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon x reader#Ghost x incompetent! Reader#Simon Riley x incompetent! reader
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Once again I am plagued by Aceyuu thoughts at work: (featuring Makeup wearing Yuu)
After SDC, Yuu can either express an interest in, or lament their lack of funds for wearing makeup like Vil does, and Vil, being in his "I am Listening and Learning and not attempting premeditated murder" era, does up Yuu's makeup. As a treat.
Now, Ace has always thought of Yuu as a 10. Probably even when they first met at the monuments and he saw them sweeping the road, but there's something about seeing Yuu dolled up that's got his stomach twisting and stuff. Maybe it's how they always look like their batting their eyes at him with that mascara on. Prhaps its how hus eyes catch on how skilled their hands are when the pop of colour on their nails enters his periphery. Or maybe it's how he can't stop staring at their glossy lips, especially if they keep smacking them together because Vil used one of those stingy lip-plumping glosses. It's like their teasing him specifically!
One day the professors are gonna ask him about the dents he's leaving in desks as he's fighting for his life as he catches how Yuu sits a bit straighter, smiles a bit more confidently with their new look, but not today.
Ace has always taken it as a fact that Yuu is Attractive, but there's an issue where now that they can take care of their appearance, other guys in school are taking notice of them in ways that don't pertain to their oddities. Or something, I felt like I was going somewhere with this but got distracted at work 💦💦
Ace is really funny about makeup. He has that little bit in Vil's? first Halloween vignette about how he's pretty confident in his ability to do make up. He does his own for his dorm uniform, and that's regulated by the Queen's rules (he ends up learning goth/costume make up is different but still he knows what he's doing honest) but for some reason he's never thought to ask Yuu their opinion about makeup. And Yuu's never brought it up with him so when he sees what Vil has done, he tries to tell himself this reaction he's having is just jealousy.
It's a bit of a mistake because he's forced to admit that he's jealous all the time, so he knows that's not 100% it. He likes how happy and self-confident Yuu is with makeup on. It's like another little piece of themselves has clicked into place and he feels so very lucky to see it... He hates these new fake fans Yuu is getting from wearing a little makeup. Where were you when Yuu was crying because of how stressful their winter break was huh? Leona's overblot? Azul's? Yeah that's what he thought those guys didn't give a shit, pathetic they don't have what it takes to be a real Yuu fan.
Deuce agrees or course, but there's a strange edge to how defensive Ace is of Yuu that makes him confused. It's like he's... possessive of you? It's really confusing don't you agree, Yuu? Poor Juice doesn't understand why you're both so embarrassed when he points that out.
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𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 | somnophilia + captive
𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 — homelander x fem!reader
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 — nsfw, somnophilia, captive, non-con SLIGHTLY turned dub-con, stalking, reader is part of the boys, fuck or die basically, breaking & entering, fingering, slight pregnancy kink, oral (f!receiving), slight dacryphilia, lmk if i missed anything !
𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 — this is very dark please read with caution!! if you don’t think you will like or be able to handle this, PLEASE do not read i will not be upset !! but homelander is an asshole so unfortunately this isn’t really ooc. not proofread!
he should hate you. he knew he should.
staring at your face on the meeting room screen, captured on a shitty blue-tinted doorbell camera. after weeks of searching, he finally found out who you were. working with the very people who had not only killed his indestructible colleague and coworker and trying to damage his image, he had to admit you were a slippery thing.
not anymore.
now he knew what you looked like, it was time to show you hell on earth. he was the fucking homelander and you of all people should know that. you’d seen the side of him that millions couldn’t. he could kill you in a heartbeat for what you’d done. for what you knew.
in a handful of different ways, too. he could let his lasers seep into your eyes and melt your brain into liquid, he could rip you limb from limb with his bare hands, he could tear your heart clean from your chest and have your disembodied head watch it slow to a stop before he drove a hammer into your skull.
but as he stared at your photo, something in his heart told him that he’d be doing none of that to you. at least, not yet.
his bright blue eyes narrowed at the screen he so desperately wanted to shatter with his fist. he tucked his hands underneath his cape behind his back to keep him from doing so — madelyn would have his fucking head.
he instead examined every single one of your visible features, embedding them in his mind so that he would never forget them. and very soon, you would do the same.
—
sleep didn’t come easy for you that night.
your day had been unreasonably long and stressful, and you found you were still processing the events when you clambered into bed hours after you reached home. which was another thing in itself.
the boys were getting too trusting with their secrets and recently they had roped in another supe: mesmer. some washed up d-lister who was still milking his childhood fame at failing conventions full of millennials and up.
that encounter had gone to shit thanks to kimiko, as you learned that girl’s name was. butcher nearly had everybody’s asses when he realized you’d gone behind his back but settled the matter with a few colorful words.
but you were still scared getting into bed. somebody else had information on you that could likely kill you. you didn’t entirely trust that mesmer wasn’t willing to sell all of you guys out for a few extra minutes of stardom. your house felt much bigger lately ever since starting this mission with butcher. every shadowy corner felt like there was a demon lurking within it.
like something was waiting for you to fall asleep.
even after you managed to shake that uneasiness off and drift off into a deep slumber, you failed to notice the two eyes watching you through the window just a few feet away.
honestly, homelander had been watching you since you first got home. he’d remained undetected as you ventured through your house: rest, dinner, shower, — he had to admit that he watched you a little too intently during this step — and finally sleep.
you had to be an idiot. how could you not realize that the homelander was so close to you? that he knew who you were already?
and god, how easy it was to get into your house. all he had to do was melt the fucking lock to your back door and make his way through each room — he already knew the layout quite well — before landing at the foot of your bed.
he must have stood there for half an hour just watching you toss and turn, hum and whimper like you were having an rocky dream. part of him was deciding what to do to you. the other part already knew.
he slipped one of his gloves off, and then the other, gently placing them on your nightstand beside your phone. he pinched the edge of your comforter and threw it off of you and onto the floor. your body reacted to the sudden change in temperature, writhing around a little.
he waited another few minutes before touching you. he wanted to decide where to start. first, he brushed your slightly tangled hair out of your face with precision, wanting to see your face up close. the last time he saw it was earlier that day on the monitor in the meeting room.
this was much better than that.
then he straightened out all of the wrinkles in your oversized pajama top, taking a quick peek at your panties underneath. he watched you slide them on earlier. a delicate pair of lacy wine red ones. his cock twitched in his pants at the thought of taking them off of your unconscious body. not even knowing until you woke up.
he tested you out by grabbing one of your tits through your shirt. you didn’t react. not until he started kneading it, pinching at and circling your nipple until it poked out from under the fabric. then your head rolled to the other side with furrowed brows and a soft, pouty whine left you.
homelander actually fought back a curse when he realized how hard he was. it was getting more and more difficult for him to take his time with you. so he didn’t.
you were still sound asleep when the bed dipped to accommodate his weight, and creaked as he positioned himself right over you. he could smell your shampoo. it smelled like the one that maeve used. probably a cheaper alternative, but still.
his hands came up to the hem of your shirt, this time slowly inching it up until he could see your tits. they looked unbelievably good like this. he toyed with them for a while, restraining himself from latching onto one of your nipples. not yet.
for a fleeting second he thought about getting you pregnant — if he was even able to. what you’d look like with a big belly that carried his child and swollen tits that were full just for him.
homelander had to squeeze his eyes shut or else he would’ve come untouched.
he dragged the tips of his fingers down the curves of your waist, then your hips, noting the way your steady breathing was suddenly distorted. your torso twisted like you were ticklish, but he held you firmly in place. he risked waking you up with the force of his grasp alone, but by some miracle you remained asleep.
you picked such a dangerous profession for a deep sleeper.
he shifted down to the foot of your bed, sliding off of the edge to get a good look at your pussy. the lace hugged you perfectly, and it left nothing to the imagination. he couldn’t resist using them for a little while. his thumb found your clit through the thin layer, humming when your thighs instinctively parted wider for more.
“slut.” he whispered.
a broken whimper pulled from your throat in your slumber, prompting him to pick up his pace. his other hand forced your leg up before he dragged the flat of his tongue up your clothed cunt. you were getting wetter. he could smell it.
his eyes rolled back at your almost sweet scent, the hand that held your leg quickly moving to palm his cock through the pants of his suit. he continued to eat your cunt through your soaked panties until he was nearly about to come in his trousers. then he decided he’d had more than enough fun.
you were a mess in your sleep. constantly moaning and whining, hips gently bucking up into his hand. it was only a matter of time until you woke up.
so he pulled your panties off of you and went to unbutton his pants, wrapping the soiled fabric around his stiff cock. he fought back a particularly loud groan as he returned between your legs. he draped one of your legs over his shoulders and ducked down to taste you.
really taste you.
his tongue dipped past your wet folds and into your cunt, pulling a choked cry from you. even in your sleep your hips rolled up into his face, like you were begging for more.
somehow it was better than he anticipated. how impossibly sweet you were, how your sleeping body reacted to him. and the noises you made for him. because of him. he groaned softly against your pussy, the vibrations making you whine.
it wasn’t long until the stimulation became too much to bare, your eyelids beginning to lift as you woke up. the only thing you could register was the warm, thick tongue violating your cunt at a blinding pace. your senses were instantly forced into overdrive and you weakly tried to shift yourself upright.
but a hand much larger and stronger than yours stopped you. fingers dug into your skin in a bruising grip, and a low voice shattered the silence. “move and i’ll fucking kill you.”
you instantly recognized who it belonged to and your blood ran cold. you heeded his stern warning and lowered your gaze to see homelander’s face tucked between your thighs. the sight alone made tears well in your eyes and frantic pleas begin to tumble from your trembling lips.
“please, don’t.” your body was frozen with shock, only tensing when his deep void-like pupils started to glow red.
he released the side of your waist only to swipe at his chin that you saw was shining with your slick. the sight was horrifyingly obscene and you couldn’t hold back the low, shaky whimper it drew from you. you watched his face subtly twitch with realization and his smile grew, his sharp canines poking out.
he held your gaze as he dragged two of his fingers up your slit, humming when he felt how much more wet you’d gotten. your eyes screwed shut when he slid those fingers inside of you to the knuckles without warning. you struggled to keep your body still, fearing that any sudden movement would set him off.
“if you really wanted me to stop, you wouldn’t be so fucking wet.” he curled his fingers and your head fell back into your pillow. “look at me.” he snapped through clenched teeth. he removed his fingers, leaving you empty and wanting more.
you hardly had a choice. his cold blue eyes brought goosebumps to your skin when you found them again. you felt beyond exposed — beyond violated — but something deep inside of you ached for release. in your sleep, his rather skillful ministrations translated into a sensual dream and you were building to your climax when you woke up. you knew he wasn’t going to kill you.
at least, not until he was finished with you. you had very little to lose at that point. so you slowly parted your legs and draped one more comfortably over his shoulder. the gold plated eagles on his suit dug into the undersides of your thigh but you didn’t mind. you kept your movements slow, well aware that he wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of you if he thought you were stepping out of line.
he understood your silent plea, one that your voice wouldn’t allow. “atta girl.” he murmured before pressing a kiss to the spot just below your belly button. you watched him go lower, his warm breath teasing your cunt.
you weren’t sure if you were allowed to speak yet so you endured his cruel treatment until he finally granted you relief. your back instinctively arched when his mouth finally closed around your core. his tongue lapped at you, observing your responses. now that you were awake, he could see your body really writhe.
your head rolled back with a pitchy, dragged out moan and you grasped at your sheets for some kind of leverage when his warm tongue penetrated you. your hips bucked up into his slow strokes and he groaned against you.
“oh, fuck,” the curse came out strained. you could feel the tip of his nose poking at your sensitive clit.
your body reacted like it typically would and before you could even consider it, your hand flew to his hair. his eyes narrowed at you and his pace faltered for only a split second. the contact was unexpected, but he knew you weren’t making a move to even attempt to hurt him.
your fingers raked through his blond hair and traced down the side of his face. “g—good, feels so good.” you were hardly coherent, but something about your wild urgency made something in homelander’s stomach tighten. “so fuckin’ good, my good boy,” he’d been working his cock with your panties wrapped around it and suddenly he lost his rhythm.
you were visibly mindless by that point, nearly at your breaking point. but he couldn’t deny how much your slurred rambles were working him up. he continued to eat your cunt with a newfound vigor, moaning every time your fingers gently tugged at his hair.
he knew you were nearly there when you clenched around his tongue. you finally came with a strained cry when his lips wrapped around your clit. it was like a brick wall had hit you at full force. he came quickly after, releasing into the lacy fabric of your underwear.
it took you a moment to ride it out, your hand falling from his hair while you tried to steady your spinning head. panic seeped in the moment your heartbeat returned to normal and you looked down at the man still perched between your legs.
he was already staring at you with a blank expression like he was considering his options for you. what felt like forever passed when he started to wipe at his grinning mouth. a grin that gave you chills.
“the fuck am i gonna do with you, huh?” he asked rhetorically, laughing bitterly. he rose to his feet, suddenly towering over your limp form. “i could take you right now. fuck you dry and kill you. i could take you all for myself so i could be the only one who fucks that sweet pussy. nobody would know where to start looking. or i could let you go and let the paranoia do the rest.”
he rounded your bed to stand beside you. you were too overcome with fear to move, let alone really process his words. “i’m the fucking homelander, you stupid slut. don’t forget that.” he reclaimed his gloves that rested on the bedside table and left.
you were left in an eerie silence. you knew he would be back for you. you just didn’t know when.
i dont even have any afterwords ngl 😭
#the boys kinktober#the boys smut#the boys#homelander#homelander smut#the boys homelander#homelander x reader#homelander x you#homelander the boys#kinktober 2024
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Midnight
Underground Virgin!Levi x Virgin!Femreader
MDNI
Warnings: y/n used, Childhood friends to lovers, fluff, smut, puberty mentioned, masturbation mentioned, fingering, sex, mentions of abuse, mentions of rape, mentions of prostitution, characters ages aren't mentioned, but it's suggested they're both in their late teens, of age when writing but could be interpreted as underage? Virgin levi, virgin reader.
Note: Kind of wanted to write something about Levi losing his virginity and give him the blessing of something in his life that wasn't all bad. Reader and Levi have grown up together. Feelings have blossomed, and desires have been ignited over the years. The underground is a tough place to live with sex and violence everywhere. There's no smut in the first chapter, but it is heavily suggestive. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!
-----------------
In a world where the sun never shines, where the only light comes from flickering Street lights, candles, and the occasional spark from a fire, three souls found solace together in front of a fire. The underground city was a maze of dimly lit tunnels, cramped living quarters, and a constant struggle for survival. You had grown up together, survived together, and lived together in this harsh, unforgiving environment.
Your landlord was a cruel and greedy man, having come to you the with news that he wanted his rent earlier than usual, probably because he owed someone else the money or had pissed his own money up the wall. You couldn't afford to be out on the streets again. It wasn't hard to find a crook to rent a small apartment to three teenagers. But his terms were unreasonable.
Desperation and stress hung heavy in the air. You were usually the type to try and remain cheery, strong, and resilient, but these sorts of situations made you anxious. Finding money down here was hard enough, but being given less time to find it was so much more stressful. "I-I don't know what we're going to do," you stammered. "There has to be some way to make the money quickly." Furlan said thoughtfully as he tried to reassure you, but even his words sounded hollow. It really wasn't much time to get the money together.
You were always aware of the easiest way for a girl to make money down here. Selling your body to some piece of shit man to use for pleasure. It was quick and easy cash that much was true. If you were lucky enough to get paid, that is. The attempt to make any money that way came with many risks. Most women down here lived in fear of getting raped, abused, and even killed before the added risk of being a working girl. Having grown up with Levi and Furlan, they had kept you safe. Currently, you worked a part-time job at the morgue, which didn't pay well but allowed you to learn and study to some extent. But in recent years, since hitting puberty and developing into a young woman, the pressure had been more intense, men often offering plenty of money for the opportunity to have their way with you. Although this sort of interaction would result in being beaten to a pulp by Levi, he would die before he allowed you to have to resort to sex work. And you were grateful for that. The thought of having to resort to prostitution, a common but desperate measure, filled you with dread.
Levi, said nothing. He just stared at the floor, his jaw tightening with anger. You glanced at him, concerned. "Levi, if we need the money I can-" You asked softly, stopping when you saw him look up at you, his eyes burning with a fierce protectiveness. "I'm not going to let you do that," he said, his voice steady and unyielding.
You frowned. "It will guarantee us the money."
"Y/N" He said sternly. "I won't let you go out there and sell yourself for us to survive. I'll find another way. I promise." You looked into his eyes, searching for any hint of uncertainty, but found none. There was only determination.
You nod in response, feeling reassured for now by his words. "I've got to go out. I'll be back around midnight, okay?" He states. Again, this wasn't uncommon. You worried about him and where he was going but even if you asked he wouldn't have told you. Criminal and immoral are the exact words that he himself would've used to describe his work, he was probably going to go and find some quick and easy job, guaranteed to pay but always carried so many risks. Furlan smiles gently at you as he follows Levi out of the door.
Having had a bath and tidied up a little. You toss and turn in bed for hours, lost in your own thoughts. You knew Levi would keep you safe to an extent, but nothing was guaranteed down here. Even if you didn't end up in a brothel, there was nothing stopping anyone from breaking into the apartment you shared now while the boys were gone, you could he kidnapped, raped and murdered any night, or day for that matter. You shudder at the thought. You wanted as much of your life to be in your own hands and control as possible. It wasn't like you wanted to stay a virgin forever, while still being young, you were old by the standards of the underground, which made you laugh. You wanted your first time to be something you choose, not something taken from you. You had desires and thoughts late at night like this when you were alone. Always of your stoic companion. You weren't sure when your feelings towards him became romantic, but it frightened you. He was difficult to read, but you were sure that there could be something there. And if there wasn't? Well, you were sure you could convince yourself that you would be satisfied to just be by his side in whatever capacity the universe will allow. Maybe you would be fortunate enough to be born as a princess in the next life, and he would be your Prince charming. You roll your eyes and laugh at the thought. A girl could dream, and your fantasy of prince's, pretty dresses and castles, however impossible it was did help you to fall asleep for a few hours before you were abruptly awoken by the sound of Levi and Furlan returning. You could recognise the sound of Furlans footsteps retiring to his small room at the end of the corridor. It sounded like Levi was still in the living room. You sit up in bed and light a candle.
Levi walks over to your door, having noticed the light emitting from beneath. A heavy sigh escapes him, his eyes carrying a look of exhaustion. As he knocks on your door just once, his voice is soft.
"Can I come in?"
You respond with a sleepy yes, and Levi pauses for a moment before he comes into the room. His eyes shift to your bed, and he realizes that you're only wearing a tank top and underwear. He doesn't let his eyes roam over you for more than a second, trying to focus on something else in the room before speaking up, sounding worried:
"Are you alright? Why aren't you sleeping?"
You smile. "I was, and I wasn't, I fell asleep not long ago, but I heard you come home. Is everything okay?" You ask him concerned.
Levi nods as he sits down on the edge of your bed.
"Yeah, everything is fine. Sorry if I woke you up. You should get back to sleep." He smiles softly, something only you and you alone are ever lucky enough to see. You gently tug his arm. "Stay, just for a little longer." A blush creeping across your cheeks. This was a bold move for you. Maybe you were still slightly delirious from having just woken up.
Levi looks down at your hand as it lays on his arm. A slight blush creeps up on his cheeks as he looks up at you again. Your messy hair, dreary eyes, and smile are just too cute. He doesn't know what he would do without you. He hates that he can't find a way to get you all out of this cesspit. You're like the moon that continues to shine on the darkest night. He's already resided himself to do anything to keep you safe and by his side. He feels guilty that this sight of you is making his cock twitch. The years have been kind to you and you're such a beautiful young woman now, each and every night his hand is tightly gripped around his cock at the thought of you. Seeing you like this, the covers barely covering your panties and your nipples visible through your tank top is all the more fuel for his desires. But he knows how it is for girls down here, he saw what life was like for his mother, he sees it daily in the streets. He would never dream of treating you with anything but the respect you deserve. Not only that, but the thought of jeopardising the relationship that you have now should he tell you how he feels, loosing you would really plummet his life into eternal darkness.
He reaches out and gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. "I guess I can stay for a little bit." He says softly. "Since you're such a brat if you don't get your own way." He teases.
You pout playfully at him, he chuckles as he shifts a bit closer to you, now sitting next to you with his arm around your shoulder, you nestle into his chest. A slight blush appears on his cheeks, which he immediately hides by turning his face away from you. "You're not still worrying about the money, are you? Is that why you're acting so needy?." He asks quietly
You shake your head. "Not anymore, I know it won't come to that." He nods, relieved that it isn't worrying you any longer. He's pulled from his thoughts when you speak up again. "I'm grateful. I know what I want for myself. And it's thanks to you that I'm able to make my own choices." You lift your head to meet his gaze, your face painted with a furious blush. "I'm ready to make my own choices."
Levi chuckles. "Well, you're spoilt for choice if that's the case." He says, trying to ignore the pang of jealously he can feel in the pit of his stomach.
You shake your head "That's not what I mean, Vi." You nervously bring your palm to his cheek. "I want to be with someone I trust, someone I love."
Levi stares at you. Blushing slightly at your words. You have grown into a young woman who's a lot braver than he gives you credit for. A small smile forms on his face, but he's still hesitant to say all the things he wants to.
Levi tries to keep his usual cool exterior "A-Are...Are you saying what I think you're saying right now?"
You nod nervously. Averting your gaze, you have said enough for someone as intuitive as Levi to piece together. The seconds seem to last forever, but he finally gives you his response with a soft and gentle tone:
"I... I want that, too."
#levi x reader#levi ackerman#underground levi#levi x y/n#levi smut#levi aot#minors do not interact#aot smut#build up#fluff#friends to lovers#levi ackerman x reader
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heard ( carmy berzatto x reader )
content warnings; depiction of panic attack and anxiety, mentions of suicide/death (mikey), reader gets a cut (but super minor)
summary; you've had a really overwhelming day and carmy has to calm you down from a panic attack he mostly caused
dropping this here and running, i'm in love with carmy berzatto, i'm so sorry
Working at the Beef was stressful. Usually, you didn’t mind. In fact, you loved it. The stress meant that you didn’t have time to overthink anything because you were being ordered to do a million things all at once. It was good. You loved it.
But not today.
Carmy had given you a new recipe to learn and you were fucking up creating the pea puree. Somehow it always ended up too runny and no matter how you changed the temperature while you cooked or how long you left it to reduce, it turned out like shit. Runny, tasteless shit.
It was like the universe had decided to take a cosmic shit on your already fucked up day.
You had left the house at the ass crack of dawn and unintentionally woken up your roommate who had decided to call you and berate you for your entire journey on the L. It’s safe to say you were regretting your 12 month lease with the roommate from hell. But you tried your best to swallow down all the cruel words and carry on with your day.
Work had always been a good distraction but it was two hours till service started and you felt like you were already losing it. You were sure everyone could see how you were cracking under the pressure too.
As you tried to learn the new dish, Carmen would come over every five or so minutes to check on your progress, taste the dish and you could see him getting increasingly frustrated under the surface.
He had been unusually calm since the start of the day but the cracks were beginning to show. Since everyone had come in, Marcus had been distracted by his desserts which meant he had ignored all his usual prepwork. Carmy had kindly tried to remind him that desserts was not his job yet. Then Sydney and Richie had been arguing all morning which Carmy, of course, found himself in the middle of that.
On top of that, Richie had decided that today was the perfect day to bring up how Carmy shouldn’t have even owned this place. That it was Richie’s place and just because Mikey had left it to him didn’t mean shit.
That had riled Carmy up and the two had a screaming match in the front room before Carmy came stalking back through to the office. You knew that if you fucked up on more attempt at this sauce, he was gonna lose his shit at you.
You had never been at the receiving end of his anger before so you knew that if he lost it, so would you.
So as you fired up the next attempt, you replayed every piece of advice that Carmy and Sydney had given you since the start of the day and tried your best. You really tried. Even if T had distracted you halfway through, you thought that the puree had come out perfect.
And you were relieved. Because in your attempt to create this dish, you had forgotten about the rest of your prep work.
“Fuck,” You cursed under your breathe as you noticed Carmy heading your way. You knew that you were about to be shouted at, you could just tell, and you could feel the anxiety rising in your chest. You had just finished plating your latest attempt and the puree seemed to be at the right consistency. Hell, it even looked good. Your station was spotless and clean. There was nothing Carmen could be mad about.
Except for no prep work.
You glared at the plastic tubs of veggies like they could have done anything to change your fate.
“How's it looking, Chef?” Carmy asked, a frustrated edge to his voice. You snapped your head towards him and forced a smile onto your face. The tension in the room seemed to increase ten fold at that action.
“Pretty sure I finally got it down, just need to finish prepping the veg and then I’m ready for service,” You responded, forcing a smile onto your face. Carmy nodded and you passed him a fork, slipping away to the box of veggies. This was probably going to take you until dinner service.
You really fucked up but you ignored the anxious feeling in your gut in favour of beginning your prepwork. With a knife in hand, you quickly began to chop. You were skilled with a knife. That had been the main thing you were good at, something that Carmen had praised you endlessly for in the few weeks he had been here.
So, you hoped that if you just got the prep done quickly and perfectly, it would alleviate some of the simmering anger.
But then you heard a fork clatter harshly against a plate and you whipped your head to look at him. There was no alleviating the anger now. He was a powder keg about to explode and you had just triggered it..
“It’s a simple fucking dish, Chef! How do you keep fucking this up?” He shouted as he stared at you. You were looking back down at your prepwork again, going back to chopping. He slammed his hand on the counter, “Hey!” The whole kitchen’s eyes were on you now, “Look at me when I’m talking to you,” He snapped. You stopped dead in your tracks, looked at him, wide-eyed. He had caught you off guard and that pissed him off even more, “It’s a fucking pea puree. I could make this when I was 12 and you still can’t get it fucking right! It’s so fucking simple. Do I need to fucking baby you through every step? Jesus fucking Christ! A toddler could do this better than you can and you’ve been at it for fucking four fucking hours. Stop wasting everyone’s time and if you can’t get it right then get the fuck out!” He snapped. You blinked at him, frozen to your spot, “Don’t just fucking stand there, get to work!” He slammed his hand on the side again.
You nodded, mumbled “Yes, Chef” and went back to prepping your veg as Carmy picked up your plate and threw the attempt at the dish in the bin. You swallowed the lump in your throat, trying not to feel the overwhelming anxiety that was making you dizzy. You couldn’t breathe.
Your whole body felt like it was on high alert, ready to give up at any given moment. You tried to suck in deep breaths but suddenly the kitchen felt too hot. You couldn’t do this. Sydney noticed.
“Go take a breather, I got this,” She came up beside you, hand on your shoulder. You shook your head, not wanting to disappoint Carmen even more. Prepwork was where you excelled, this is what you did best. You didn’t trust yourself to speak though, you could feel your chest restricting.
You continued chopping, it became more frenzy-like as Sydney glanced around. The whole kitchen had watched your interaction with Carmy, unsure how to react to it. Sydney didn’t know what to say.
But then you sliced your finger. You were moving too quickly, mind not being able to catch up with your hand quick enough to avoid the slice. You cried out as your knife clattered to the chopping board. You grabbed tissue and quickly wrapped it up as you stepped back.
“Go get a plaster, I’ll finish your prep,” Sydney reiterated as she gently pushed you away from your station. You shook your head, desperately trying to keep up. You couldn’t but then you felt the ground feel like it was tilting under your feet.
Maybe she was right. You needed to get out and so you went straight for the backdoor. You didn’t even bother to clean up your cut, just holding the tissue to it as you stumbled down the steps to the alley.
Your back slammed against the wall as you sucked in breaths but it was like you couldn’t get enough oxygen. The tears started and you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t do it. You slowly slid down the wall, still squeezing the tissue over your cut.
You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t do it. You were doomed to be a failure and you couldn’t fucking breathe and it was too hot.
Your arms wrapped over the top of your head, eyes squeezed shut as you desperately tried to take in deep breaths but you couldn’t. You just couldn’t. You were sure you were going to die like this. It would be the end of you.
In the fucking back alley of a shitty restauraunt with a shitty new owner and the last owner killed himself and you weren’t surprised. You couldn’t do this. You were choking on nothing.
Then a hand suddenly came to rest against your knee and your legs were being pushed down. You were trying to fight it, words of whoever it was coming through like they were trying to speak through water.
“You gotta breathe,” They said as they finally managed to break through your strength to straighten your legs out. You dropped your hands to your lap and when you looked up, Carmy was there. You felt the panic come back twice as hard and you turned your face away, bringing your knees back up. But he shoved them back down.
“Hey, hey,” His tone had softened. It didn’t seem as angry anymore and that terrified you. Angry men who pretended not to be were the worst kind of men. You still couldn’t breathe, the panic constricting your chest as you stared at your legs, “You gotta just breathe,” Carmy said as he reached out. He grabbed your hand, the bloody tissue still wrapped around your cut, “I know it’s hard,” He said as he glanced at your face. You were completely boneless, it was like your body had lost all its will to live.
Your world was tilting underneath you and you couldn’t think straight. Carmy’s touch was somewhat grounding though as he unwrapped the tissue and wiped the cut before putting a band-aid over it. It gave you something to focus on but you were terrified that he was going to scream at you.
“I’m sorry,” You managed through panicked breaths. He nodded, “I don’t know what’s wrong,” You choked out. The tears filling your eyes as you stared down at your bandaged hand. You still weren’t breathing right but the panic was slowly starting to fall away, “I keep trying but I can’t do anything right today,” You lifted your knees up again, wrapping your arms around your head again.
“You're constricting your throat,” He said as he nudged your knees again. He was sitting against the wall beside you, watching you.
As frustrated as he was with you and as angry as he was that you couldn’t just make the fucking dish, he also didn’t like seeing you like this. He cared about everyone in his kitchen and the thought that he had given you a panic attack tore him up inside. He didn’t know how to express it. He had always been shit at apologies.
You straightened your knees out again, letting your arms rest against your thighs as you closed your eyes.
“I’m sorry, Chef,” You said after a beat, “I know I should have done my veg prep earlier and the recipe is easy. I’ve made pea puree before, ask Sydney, I just- I don’t know why I can’t get it right today,” You muttered. Carmy looked at you, the corners of his lips turned down a little and you looked so defeated, “I’ve been off my game and I have this roommate from Hell that makes me think I’m so goddamn selfish. I just,” You let out a ragged breathe, tears welling in your eyes, “I promise, I’ll be good for dinner service,” you muttered. Carmy looked at you, his eyebrows furrowed ever-so-slightly.
“You’re not selfish,” Carmy responded.
“Heard,” You muttered. He nodded and then turned back to look up at the sky, as did you. It was so strange with Carmy. He never really said much. He’d been here for about a month now and he was desperately trying to claw the business out of the ground. He seemed to care so much but he had an odd way of showing it, I suppose.
“I’ll show you how to make it again,” He said after a minute or two of silence. You nodded.
“Thank you.” You let out a soft breath, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. You hadn’t fucked up that much, at least.
“You two fuckers just gonna sit there or help us?” The voice of Richie broke through the relative calm that had settled between you. It was probably the quickest you had come down from a panic attack, ever.
“Like you fucking help us anyway,” You bit back as you slowly pushed yourself to your feet. Carmy was quick to follow.
“Doing a lot more than you lazy fucks right now, sat there staring at the sky like God’s gonna answer your fucking prayers,” Richie continued to bitch as you walked inside with him. Carmy followed quickly after.
“I don’t pray," You stated as you rounded the corner back to your station. Sydney was mostly done with your prep now and you were beyond thankful, “I got it from here,” You said, slipping in next to her. Sydney smiled, glad to see you feeling a bit better.
“Why’s he so calm?” Sydney asked as she watched Carmy walk past. He seemed in a better mood than he had been a moment ago.
“Fuck knows, thought he’d tell me to fuck off when he found me,” You admitted as you glanced back at him. His fucking arms drove you wild and the fact that he had his hands on you, forcing you to straighten your legs. Fuck. You didn’t want to think about it too much. And he had put that plaster on you, the warmth of his hands was something else. If you hadn’t been so fucked up with anxiety, you probably would have jumped his bones.
“You gonna fuck up another dish?” Sydney teased as she stepped away, passing you a glove for your plastered hand.
“I’m getting a private lesson for it actually,” You retorted, a smile plastered on your face as you winked at Sydney.
“Less talking, more chopping,” Carmy said as he slipped past the two of you. You nodded.
“Yes, Chef,” You both parotted back to him. Sydney grinned and headed back to her station while you settled back into prep. You felt more like yourself now. Though, you did also really want a piece of Carmy.
#carmen berzatto#carmy berzatto#carmy berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto x reader#the bear#reader insert#one-shot#carmen berzatto fluff?
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Virgin Chan! hard thots
Everyones likes to think Chan must have had a girlfriend or at least hook ups but I raise you Virgin! Chan.
-Virgin!Chan who’s never had the chance to go on a date; sacrificing his youth and recklessness for the sake of his group
-Virgin!Chan who avoids his crushes at all cost; locking himself up in the studio until his mind goes blank
-Virgin!Chan who’s so busy he doesn't time or space to jack off; so sleep deprived having wet dreams is a blue moon blessing
-Virgin!Chan who can't look women in the eyes outside of professional conduct let alone give her his number
-Virgin!Chan who’s content at working until he passes out if that means the boys can live their lives the way they want to
-And then there’s Yang Jeongin
-The Maknae, who’s been coddled and spoiled rotten by his hardworking hyungs
-Poor Innocent baby bread who rejects any attempts at flirtation…or so it seems.
-Our little bread boy has a secret, he used to be quite the whore
-Dating girl after girl, making and breaking any heart he chose… until he met you
-his pretty little girlfriend
-Jeongin would do anything for you
-Sugar Daddy in the streets and a beast in the sheets Yang Jeongin didn’t learn nothing from his teen days
- He would give you the world; it just so happens that you are his world.
-You might be the apple of his eye but he's not the only one fixated on you…
-Virgin!Chan who has a panic attack when he realizes he has a crush on you... their maknae’s pretty little girlfriend
-Virgin!Chan who scurries off whenever you come by wearing those short skirts that drive him and your boyfriend absolutely insane
-Virgin!Chan who starts whimpering your name in his sleep always drenched in sweat and shame
-Virgin!Chan who starts squirming when you get within five feet of him
-Yang Jeongin is not blind or stupid
-Anyone can see how his Hyung goes wild over you
-That tent in Chan’s pants whenever you say his name might as well be a neon sign
-Its so cute how his leader drools for you; a desperate puppy at his master's feet
-Jeongin owes Chan (they all do)
-where would any of them be without their leaders' hard work and sacrifice
-He really should pay his Hyung back... and what better way to do that than helping his poor overworked hyung de-stress a bit…
-Virgin!Chan who’s stomach drops when Jeongin comes forward with a little proposition
-Virgin!Chan who cant breath when you tell him that you're okay with it... that you want it.
-Virgin!Chan who's gasps when he sees you in Jeongins arms wearing nothing but one of his !Chan's! hoodies..
-Virgin!Chan who stays motionless when Jeongin beckons him over
-Virgin!Chan who thinks he's died when the realization that he’s allowed to touch you finally sinks in
-Yang Jeongin who grabs his Hyung's hands to guide them to your most sensitive bits
-Yang Jeongin who puppeteers a trembling Chan into giving you sweet release
-Yang Jeongin who swells with pride when you cry out for him
-Yang Jeongin who gently pushes his Hyung aside to show him how its done
-Virgin Chan who creams his pants watching Jeongin wrench orgasm after orgasm from you
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This is probably really shitty quality, I'm sorry. Any writers out there feel free run wild with this Drabble? hard thought?
if I get my shit together maybe I'll write a one shot of this.
#stray kids smut#skz smut#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#bang chan smut#yang jeongin smut#chan x reader#bang chan x reader#jeongin x reader#skz x you#skz x reader smut
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some thoughts about top surgery recovery, as of 3 days post-op:
when they say using your chest muscles sucks afterward, i never realized exactly how much was going to be be limited. coughing, sneezing, hiccuping, laughing — all of it is terrifying right now. even talking for too long starts to put that kind of stress on my chest, and my voice isn’t as strong as it usually is. it takes me forever to fully empty my bladder when i’m on the toilet because i’m totally relying on gravity to do all the work (and shitting was effectively impossible without a stool softener even though i haven’t taken the pain meds they said i would need them for)…and don’t even get me started on figuring out how to wipe (hint: back to front while sitting, using my dominant hand to push my non-dominant hand far back enough). using the computer is also harder — i was planning on playing lots of baldur’s gate after, but for the first couple days i could only really go for a few minutes before using my arms that way got too tiring. having a mastectomy pillow has been an absolute godsend when i’m using my phone because i can prop my arms up on it and not really have to use any muscles at all to hold them up.
the biggest piece of not being able to use my chest muscles right now, which i’m writing separately because it’s been such a huge thing for me, is that i cannot sit up or back by myself at fucking all. like, if i sit on the couch and lean back a bit to sit against the cushion, it hurts to pull myself back up to fully straight — and if i’m leaning back any more than that, i just can’t do it at all and i’m stuck there unless my boyfriend puts their hands behind me and pushes my dead weight back up. i totally get why some people sleep in a recliner now because i’m completely at the mercy of having someone there to help move me around once i’m at any sort of angle. sitting back is mostly the same as far as what i can do, and arguably hurts worse to attempt at all, but my ability to do it seems to be coming back faster than my ability to sit up. if you’ve never had your mobility limited to that extent before, prepare yourself: the first time you’re stuck somewhere and the person who normally helps you doesn’t answer immediately can be really fucking scary (i learned that the hard way).
the anesthesiologist warned me that i might have a sore throat after surgery from being intubated, but i was not prepared for what “sore throat” ended up meaning for me. you know that feeling of swallowing something that’s too big and you can still feel it in your throat even after it’s down? it’s like that times 20, and further down in my throat. the worst pain i’ve felt in the last three days wasn’t from the surgery itself, it was from trying to swallow pancakes when my throat was at it’s worst. today is the first day it’s even started to fade, and even now, it hurts just to swallow my own spit. i don’t know about you, but that’s not what comes to mind when someone tells me “you might have a sore throat”.
on that note, the incisions themselves have really been the least painful part in general, probably because the nerves there aren’t reconnected yet. the vast majority of my pain and discomfort at this point has been from the drains and bandages — the drain sites getting sore or just randomly starting to sting, waking up feeling suffocated by the ace bandages, etc. it’s not because anything is wrong with them — the drains weren’t placed wrong and the bandages aren’t too tight, they’re just a huge pain in the ass to deal with 24/7. i can’t express how much i’m looking forward to getting the drains out and being able to take binder breaks because it’ll make things so much more comfortable.
my incisions are connected in the middle because my chest tissue was all really close together, and the part where the incisions connect is really the only part where i’ve felt any pain so far. i suspect it’s because the swelling on either side is making that part of the incision push together and press against itself, and then the binder pushes on it even more. it’s not a severe pain at all, but i do sometimes lift the center of the bandage off my chest for a second to give that spot a bit of a break.
i’ve already started getting some of the weird sensations associated with nerves reconnecting, and it definitely is wild. so far, it’s been mostly tingly feelings, sometimes like chills and sometimes more like a limb falling asleep. (weird observation: taking a shit makes my ribs tingle? i’ve got no good explanation for that one.) i’ve gotten a zap on one side and some buzzing feelings too. it’s pretty mild right now, probably because it’s so early on.
i’ve also gotten what i would describe as phantom boob feelings, especially on the first night. specifically, when i close my eyes, sometimes i’ll feel like someone is touching or jiggling the boobs i don’t have anymore. definitely not a super pleasant experience, but i think being out of it from the anesthesia still really helped me not be too upset by the worst of it. i’ve gotten a couple little phantom nipple touches too, but those were just split second blips of sensation that were far less bothersome in comparison.
i never realized that the classic post-op hunch is caused more by the binder than by the body itself, but we had to take all of my bandages off the night after my surgery to send pictures of something to my surgeon, and i was shocked by how much straighter i could sit with everything off. i was definitely still hunched, but it was more like a natural slouch and less like i looked like i was using an invisible walker. with the binder on, it’s super uncomfortable for me to try to stand straight at all because it feels like the ace bandage doesn’t come with my body and just drags everything down, and i’m always holding my mastectomy pillow or my hands to my chest while i walk around to stop it from feeling like gravity is going make the bandage tear my chest open.
every so often, when things are getting especially painful or uncomfortable or just generally difficult, i do start to wonder if i made the right choice. not because i regret getting rid of those things — not by a long shot — but because it’s a fucking hard process to go through. this is probably the hardest thing for me to admit, but the rational part of my mind knows it’s natural to feel that way once in a while. all of this is temporary and the relief from dysphoria will be permanent, but right now? this is my entire world and it doesn’t feel particularly temporary and i do have moments of “why do i have to go through all this when other people get to just have the right body from the start? why couldn’t i just live with what i had? why can’t i just be living my normal life right now?” no matter how sure you are of your choice, no matter how proud you are of being trans, this shit is hard and it’s okay to feel that.
i’m going to put the pictures of my chest one day post-op under the cut, because i think it’s pretty rare to see pictures from that soon after the surgery. they’re not gorey at all — the actual incisions are totally covered by steri strips and everything around them is clean — but still, if you don’t want to see relatively fresh surgery results, don’t look under the cut.
for all the discomfort and pain and limitations and other weirdness of recovery, every time i look at these pictures it reminds me of exactly why i’m doing all of this, and i’m so glad i kept fighting for this for so long. some people might never understand why someone would choose to go through this whole process, but i know it’ll be worth it in the end.
here’s my chest one day post-op! i think it looks super good and my surgeon said it looks like it’s healing perfectly (as much as it can be healing at one day). for reference, my chest was a DDD/F before surgery. i know this isn’t how my chest will look in the end, but i’m already thrilled with how things are turning out! i’ve truly never been more confident in my choice of surgeon — like, come on! look at that! she did so good!
#top surgery adventures#<- gonna start putting all the posts about my top surgery in that tag#top surgery#trans man#transmasc
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dating college jake ꣑୧ - requested
𝜗𝜚 dating college jake means him going to your dorm everyday after class no matter how his schedule is or his studies goes. he would never give up on spending time with you, even whne his owns friends would make gargling noises in the back or calling him a simp. even if you aren't in the same dorm, or has to use the bus to get to yours, he will still go with you.
ah come on jake, you're always with her. your hear his friends whine to him as you see him jogging to you, sorry guys i gotta bring my girl home, he talk-yells since he is going further away from them. finally, in front of you, he greets you with a deep kiss as he holds your cheek. even if you enjoy the moment, you can still hear the playful gags in the background, but jake couslnt care less, put a hand in the back of your pocket and walks you to your dorm.
𝜗𝜚 he will make such a good impression to your friends. the perfect soft boyfriends, not shying away from showering you with affections or helping you n your friends with studies. they will all be jealous but support the both of you. and because of his looks and kind nature, you guys will be the it couple. everyone will know about you guys, even people u never heard of.
𝜗𝜚 jake isn't much of a party kind of guy, but college pressure needs to be cooled down with parties. he'll stay with you all the time and won't drink so you can have fun. even if you'd rather stay with your friends, he'll stay sober and keeps an eye on you, making sure of your safety. he'll never leave the party without knowing your safe. if any man come close to you or your friends with bad intentions, he will come to you and protect you, not minding causing a scenes if that means your safety is at sake.
𝜗𝜚 studies sessions together ᵎ they would often leads to make out but he swear he wants to help you at first. he will also cheer you up the best he can when you're stressed about school or your job if you're juggling between those two. he would come often to your work place, and support you there.
come baby, you've got this. he says softly to cheer you up. you've tried really hard to learn the definitions but as you don't understand, nothing seems to stay in your brain. but with the help of your lovely boyfriend and his kisses, it's easy to stay motivated. superposition is a term to ... ? he starts, hintinf you to finishbtbr definition, describe an object... as a combination of multiple possible states at the same time ? you answer, expecting to be wrong again. but to your surprise, jake smiles widely, showing you his teeth before jumping on the chair. that made a loud noise in the library but he didn't care, yeah ! you did it my love ! he says before kissing you.
𝜗𝜚 he will lowkey live in ur dorm, or you in his, you having a dormate or not. because looong cuddle sessions in your or his dorm after the exams sessions is a must. but also sleeping wiht you at night, the days you dont have classes together helps him have his shit together.
lemme stay the night, he whines, baby please. he gives you his puppy eyes + pout combo right in front of your dorm door for every girl passing by to see. he knows you love his pouty self and will give in but you surely hate more other girls seeing him like this, so he shamelessly whines loud and clear to gain everyone's attention. i miss you too much baby, he says coming closer to you, please ? you notice a little smirk of his, him confident yiu will let him in. jake, you spent everyday of this week in my doorm, what is my roomate gonna say ? everyone in the hallway laugh at the svenery, happening way to often. they all know you will give in, n are jusy wqiting for you to open your door. so you care more about your roommate than me ? his fake pout gets bigger along his voice. what ? no ? i didn't say that ! you hear the laugh in the background and you know you lost. once again. so you sigh as you open him your dorm. he walk past you, grining after kissing your temple.
𝜗𝜚 school break would also be with him, either him going with your family in vacation, or you with his, he needs his pretty girl in order to rest. it could also just be the two of you, camping or in his apartment, a healing vacation filled with cuddling, laugher and kisses.
note : i feel like this is so short >.< but tbh college is more about studying than anything else ... i hope you like it anon <3
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