#i am feeling very grateful and joyful and also a little bit overwhelmed

[healingheneree]

03/30/2023

Dear journal,

I know i have been avoiding writing because when i need to write its when i feel the most pain. You would think after 6 months the pain would go away. I feel like no one understands how much things hurt; I am so grateful Tam is still here in my life and she still loves me as a friend and cares for me and can hold space for me when i need it within her boundaries. But each night and each day i miss the person that is gone. I miss my wife and my partner and my best friend. I know that part is 100% gone and when i spend time with tam it makes me feel good but it also does the opposite when i am not. There are moments and there are things that happen to trigger my emotions. I know i went back to smoking and a bit of numbing but its not to avoid but to help me present. The present is good. I enjoy my friendship with Tam. i enjoy spending time with the kids so much where i do hold those feelings of hurt and grief in so i can show them i can be a joyful happy person. I dont want them to grow up thinking daddy is always sad and unhappy. I dont want them to take on that energy and then grow up to be this way. There are little things through out each week of my life that remind me of things. 

First one was All American as you know the DAD died so it was a episode where Spencer was acting all out of control and started acting like he cares about nothing and just wanted to push people away. Started treating people differently and gets really angry and short. I understood those feelings and emotions. Also they showed a part where his therapist made him talk about it. He talked about how he avoided Coach bakers call and sent it to VM and then that was the last time he heard his voice. He was so angry and upset of the WHAT IFs. What if he picked it up what if he just talked to him and then maybe he wouldn't have died. I got me thinking again of all my what ifs. That also got me thinking of all the what ifs and to make me feel all those emotions all over again.  But the therapist there got his perspective to change by saying now you got a VM so you can hear him anytime you want for the rest of your life so he is always with you. Turned it into being grateful and then ended up with him thanking everyone for loving him and caring. I wanted to say Thank you to Tam i am grateful she is still here and can still give me parts of her that she wants to. It helps a but but again my wife, my soulmate my other half is gone. The word GONE is so weird since its not gone forever since Tam is not dead but what am i DEEP DOWN INSIDE hopeing and wanting. I know in the deepest part of my heart it still wants it but i also know i cannot work from that part. I need to put those feelings aside and prioritize other feelings and wants first and time will help the hurt get better i'm sure. 

Last night was very hard. Tam was very sick and i went to help her out but taking the kids. So she can rest. My heart just always wants to help so that part is easy. My Husband part of me wanted to not leave her side and just take care of everyone because thats one thing i know i do really well in. I wanted her to ask me to stay and just be there but i also know to not push it to hard. My number 1 thing i wanted to do is stay. But i choose what i wanted to do second and is to take the kids out to have fun. I put my feelings aside as i should for the kids. The kids had fun but also liam was being very clingy. As soon as we left. Most the night both kids were very tired and i used every ouunce of my mental energy to not get short or react. Buyt the end of the night i had this long list of stuff i needed to do and the stress in my body i felt it all over was very overwhelming.  Tam called me cuz she knew how i felt energetically and all i wanted to do was ask her if we can come back over. I felt like all i wanted to do was sit in bed together with my laptop next to her and do some paper work and watch some TV and just be. I spend a lot of time with Tam but i miss FUN and Miss things that take away stress. In the end i do miss my the part that i cannot have and cannot ask for. Going out. Family time , Trips. All the way down the Hugs and kisses and feeling the LOVE that i feel. I just have so much love to give and when it has no where to go it gets trapped inside of me and it turns into something else. I am learning to hold on to the love and energy but also not let me put me in a bad spot. I know from time to time my inner child gets the best of me. Like last night my kids were just a lot and i felt like i took on their emotion or vise versa. I know lucas wants this family to be a family as much as i do. I dont lie to him add tell him i don't want it either so we both feel a certain way and i feel him as much as he feels me. I am not 100% if this is good for him or me but i recognize it and just want things to be good again. There is also part of me that knows the WIFE energy form Tam has gone to someone else and each time i get overwhelm with that ist harder than anything in the world. I cant shake the feeling in my gut and that adds to the stress so its why i just like around my whole family and so i dont have to think about those feelings my head gives me. 

Another show i was watching was the flash. There is this charactor FROST she is played by this one actress and the characters went away and the same charactor is now a different version of herself. Frost had a BF and he see this new charactor and its hard for him. He lost the love of his life but these other person that is still there isnt her but looks like her and is her but not. Like how Tam is still TAM but not my wife. It made me really cry because i know how that feels. 

I am sittin here in Tams living room feeling my feels listening and being around is so easy and i love it but my adult side is tired and cannot fight the emitons of my inner child. My inner child just wants to be hugged and loved and to feel those feelings it misses so much,. I not sure while i hang on to it so much. It feel like abandonment? I feel like my inner child is just alone and un loved. I alos know that this is far from the truth but the feelings are feelings. Some days i feel like i am healing and doing the work to get better but some days i do feel like i just have to sit with it.  

I fear when i write and share i want tam to know how i feel since its how i can be honest and transparent but i also scared it will push her away and make her pull back the way we are. The way we are now is amazing still. We do our best to be friend , financial partners in life, and parents. We are missing the one part i have suppressed for years because i figured tam didnt want it so if she doesn't and she can live with out it so can i. Now that i know she wants it and needs the intimacy and connection i want even more now. Its like i pulled the rug out and all my love and emotions and intimate energy has no where to go and its piles up and then explodes into one of my episodes. Little things happen from day to day to remind me if what i dont have and what i really want and when its gets to much it kinda pours over. I fear that if i say i love her it will push her away. I fear that if i ask for a hug it might be the last time. I fear that if i look into her eyes for to long she will never look at me again. I fear that i am being so selfish for wanting these things and it will push her away more.  I am scared to be completely honest since she will think we need more space. To me the space is so big and im just learning to live with it and not let it bother me. I know i dont control the way she feels but i do mine. Maybe she will read this maybe not but Today this is how Henry feels and today i am hurting a bit more than other days but its part of my healing and growth. I wish tam would talk to me and not judge how i feel. I judge everything i do liek it has to be black and white , right and wrong but i am just trying my best to get through the day.  I know tam always wonders what i do with my time. I try to fill it with things that make me happy and trying to find joy in the things that i use to love doing. But she doesn't know how hard it is or maybe she does but i also feel she gets mad when it's not what she thinks i should be doing. This triggers me the feeling that when i am not doing what she thinks i should be doing, I am not worthy enough to be her partner in things. Like the house thing. She told me to be honest on what I want but also what I want to do. I am still trying to figure that out. Right now I love Tam and I love my kids and this family is my number 1.  

What i do everyday when i am confused on what to do. I close my eyes, take deep breaths and scan my whole body then I concentrate on my heart and gut and ask what it wants. What does it really want to do? Then I make a choice to show up or to do something else. I follow my heart and for that day i made a choice from a place where all my love is and then i dont questions what i do. It's not guaranteed that I know if it's the correct choice but it's the one I made today. And I tell myself if it doesn't work out for me I learn from it and tomorrow i get to make new choices. I move forward and keep trucking away to eventually get to where I need and want to be. 

I am trying my best to choose to put the kids first and then me and then tam. Its not normal for me but saying first then doing has been how I do things. 

1) Emotional Dump: 

My biggest fear: Passing on my Energy that isn't going help the kids

My negative emotions: thinking of things i don't have instead of what i do

Frustrations/angry: frustrated that I still feel sad and angry when I feel it. I know it doesn't go away forever but is there

Areas I feel stuck: PLANNING PLANNING PLANNING

2) Gratitude/Brag book: 

I am so grateful Tam is still here and doing her best to hold space. And our Tamry connection

I am so grateful Parents for helping me

I am so grateful My job to pay the bills 

I am grateful my trip to japan

3) Complete “ONE thing": Pick 1 place in japan a day

[killerskillercaptain]

Canceled lectures, pasta, and feline love

pairing : Levi Ackerman x Reader

synopsis : You study litterature and you're married to Levi, all your classes get canceled and you get to spend the night w/ your beloved husband.

warnings : nsfw

a/n : this fic has been sitting inside my drawer for a bit now, so i thought i'd publish it now or it will just get forgotten and fall into oblivion.

You put on your bomber jacket over your T-shirt, swung your messenger bag over your shoulder and headed out with an enthusiasm you could hardly hide : all your afternoon lectures have been canceled, you could go to Levi's appartement earlier and spend the entire afternoon and the entire night there, walking down the stairs of the college where you studied litterature, you brought up your left hand up and stared at the small glinting diamond on your wedding ring, and a smile, just as shiny as the rock appeared instantly on your face.

You and Levi had just gotten married, he felt he was ready and steady enough to balance his life, you, and your awful temperament, and basically everything in between.

You were in your last year in college and Levi was very supportive of your aspirations. Even though you were married, you still didn't live together in one place, it has been only two months since the ceremony, and you still had a lot of things to move out of your appartement, changing adresses and other small details that were taking way too much time to both your likings, the situation didn't but you two had to be patient.

You jumped out of the last step and landed on the nude concrete, heart fluttering like the one of a child. The sky was incredibly blue, not a single cloud around, the sun was warm and swimming in the clear blue, you noticed how stunning the details in the architecture of your building was, it was a beautiful day.

You literally thought that this day couldn't get any better.

Just when you reached the portails of your college, you heard your phone ringing, it was Levi.

"Hello ?" you singed into the device hoping your good mood will reach Levi on the other end of the line.

"Where are you brat ?" a masculine voice asked

He calls you brat even though there were only a few years separating you in age, you hated that nickname and that's exactly why he keeps on using it.

"So that you know who's in charge here" he told you once jokingly as both of you sat on a couch preparing for the wedding, but you knew Levi too well, and knew he wasn't entirely joking.

"I am actually heading out to your place sweetheart" you said smiling mischievously, since he was going to call you by the nickname you disliked the most, you were going to do the same, he hates it when you call him sweetheart. "I have good news, all my lectures have been canceled ! I am all yours today !" you finished.

"Well i called to tell you i was making your favorite dinner-"

"Pasta ?" you interrupted him overjoyed.

"Pasta" he confirmed.

"Oh Levi !"

"Yeah yeah just come home already, looks like you're having a really nice day huh ? some people really have it all..." he said sarcastically, and you being able withstand his stingy tongue and not be affected by it is probably one of the reasons he married you.

"But you have it all too Levi !" you said, a smile perceptible through your voice.

"I do ?"

"Yeah, you have me !" your laugh ringed through the air making its way through the phone, you were now walking down a really crowded road and some people turned around at your loud and joyful laugh.

"Hurry and come home already ! Your cat is annoying me he wants you ! and be careful when you cross the street idiot" The reason he said that is because he could hear the sudden honks that bursted all over, you yelping and someone in the distance shouting at you. Talking on the phone and crossing a street was never something you were good at.

"I'll be there in ten minutes..."

"Wonderful" he said in such an apathetic voice that you knew he was being sarcastic again.

but you weren't finished

"...sweetheart"

CLIC !

*****

Putting a bag filled with some ripe and red apples in front of his door,, you searched for your keys in your messenger bag and opened the door to what was your small heaven on earth, before you heard the familiar clicking sound you could hear your cat scratching the door, your feline companion really did miss you. You picked up the bag of fruits that your bought on your way and entered the quiet and minimalistic appartement. It smelled so clean, as usual, and some tea was being brewed, black tea probably. You took off your jacket and bag and laid them carefully on the arm of the grey -and incredibly comfortable couch- in the living room. The kitchen was at the left, separated from the room you were in by a big wooden furniture with shelves, and just when you were about to get in there, the man who was sarcastically teasing you on the phone appeared, wearing a black top, and black jeans, his hands tucked in his pockets.

"What's that ?" he asked pointing at the heavy bag.

"Apples, i know you love them!"

"Great"

"So you too can have a perfect day"

"I can't have any good day with this cat using me as his scratching tree" he said while the said cat jumped on the counter where you were washing the apples in the sink.

"Hello little guy, did you annoy Levi as i asked you too ?" you nuzzled your cat's head, the purring that started automatically had you smiling fondly.

You heard Levi shuffling your way and coming to stand next to you to watch you wash the fruits. He was just standing, but you were so comforted by his presence and his incredible warmth.

"How are you doing today ?" he asked, voice low and almost husky ?

The cat hopped on the floor and started going in circles around your leg while Levi's arm slowly made its way to your waist in such a caring and loving manner that it almost surprised you, making you look up at him, your faces were so close you could feel his breath on your nose.

He's been drinking tea you thought to yourself.

"I feel great" your words were sure joyful but your tone was a bit off, and Levi was quick to notice it.

"Why are you lying yo me ?"

"I am not lying to you, i really do feel great, it's just-"

You exhaled deeply. It's true you were as happy as someone could be, but you were also very overwhelmed by all the changes in your life happening all at once, the mariage, the moving out, the workload in college, this new life, you were the type of person to get easily stressed when overwhelmed, and your were grateful for a husband and a partner like Levi who made it seem like you could do it, no matter how hard and stressful it could get.

"Levi, you did absolutely nothing wrong, it's me, i'm a little bit stressed about everything. not because i don't want it, it's what i have always dreamed of, i'm just...well, stressed, you know me...

-"always stressed out about anything and everything." finished Levi, putting your final thoughts into words.

He looked at you with a very serious look while you rumbled about every little thing that has been bothering you, paying attention to every word you said, when you finished talking he nuzzled your neck just like a cat would do to comfort you. A small candid laugh slept through your lips at the gentle gesture.

-What's so funny ?

-I just realized you're just like a cat !

-Excuse me ?

-You hate having to socialize, you like to stay alone and only like my company or the one of only a few people...and just like a cat you know how to show love when someone needs it the most.

*******

Small candles lit up the small space of the living room, a bigger candle -that you insisted on buying not long ago only to realize later that it was ridiculously too big- was sitting down next to the couch casting soft hues on your naked bodies.

All the candles smelled so good.

They wrapped the room in a vanilla scented veil, keeping your bodies warm.

"Levi...i love you so much"

Your voice almost cracking half way through your sentence, you couldn't help being vulnerable tonight. You didn't have the time to eat that pasta Levi had been preparing all afternoon and that you've been waiting for all evening. When you were standing in front of that sink, going on about how hard it was for you to keep up, his arm around your waist slowly climbed up to rest on your shoulder and pull you closer, then the pulling closer became kissing your forehead, then kissing your forehead started to become not enough. All you remember is that you and your husband ended on the couch making out with a need you didn't even know was there, both of you had missed each other the whole day, Levi being so touchy with you earlier was a dead giveaway, he only touched you this much when he missed you.

You loved this couch it was so comfortable, soon you were making love, wrapped in a soft blanket Levi kept there for his reading nights alone, surrounded by the intoxicating smell of vanilla, yours and Levi's favorite scent to make love to.

His touches were passionate yet calculated, his eyes studying your curves painted by the dim light, he enjoyed looking at you covering your face with embrassement, kissing every inch of you.

The fluttering touches of your sweaty palms, your tangling sweet warm skins and your hot breaths mingling in the air between you two made you dizzy.

Today was such a good day you thought to yourself as you straddled Levi, positioning yourself on top of him, as soon as your most sacred and intimate parts found themselves again, Levi's breaths became erratic, slipping grunts here and there, telling you to move, go faster as he was entranced by everything about you.

He parted the two locks of hair covering your face like someone would part the curtains so the light would shine on them, and the suns in your eyes made him all too aware of how much you two loved each other.

He loved every inch of your body but also every inch of you, your mannerism, your happy mood that always seemed to rub off on him, your laugh, your joyful spirit, your boldness, the one you display when you take the lead in bed, just like you did right now.

Sweet moans soon filled the room, your head pulled back, mouth hanging open, you didn't bother cancealing anything, because anything that could show Levi how happy you were here and now was to be welcomed, to be expressed freely. Soon, sweet and lovely waves of pleasure washed all over you before you collapsed ontop of his now drenched chest, sighing at the drowsiness embracing you slowly.

-I guess it's too late to eat that pasta now.

-It's okey, i just had my other favorite meal.

-And what's that ? asked Levi with a half smile that made him look so handsome.

-You.

[burnedbyshoto]

sensei

— Being a Pro Hero means having a will of steel, too bad for Shinsou that will of steel has one major kryptonite: a schoolgirls skirt. —

pairing: pro hero!shinsou hitoshi x fem!reader

warnings: 18+, smut, dom!shinsou, bondage (capturing weapon), blindfold, orgasm denial, cursing, praising, mindcontrol, degradation, roleplay

word count: 6,789

a/n: this was a commission!!! omggg!!!! also i used the name mindjack for his pro hero name and neutralizer is your hero name! okay, so like, don’t come for me until you read the entire thing. if I get a single message about what I think ya’ll might come at me for imma spit on your butter. if you cant eat butter then your oat milk or whateva.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Shinsou stood in the kitchen, his Pro-Hero costume on, and his hands pressed onto the countertop. Today was the day that his hero work student was coming in for a small dinner of celebration. After months of conducting some late-night hours and intensive fighting, they had finally taken down an underground crime ring that had been resurfacing in Japan. 

His fingers ran through his hair, the soft locks parting with his calloused fingers. Years of having to strengthen himself to keep up with physically powerful quirk holders had left his body sharp, hard, and rugged. There wasn’t a part of his body that hadn’t been bruised; that wasn’t without its imperfections.

It was almost hilarious to think of where he used to be, a child in high school who was no stronger than the average person in Japan, and where he was now. 

Placing his cup to his lip, Shinsou was about to take a drink of water when a knock was heard. A small grin quipped on his face knowing precisely who it was, placing the cup on the table and shoving his hands into his pocket, Shinsou walked over to the front door and opened it.

Opening the wooden door, his violet gaze locked onto a bright and eager set of eyes.

Outside his door stood a young woman who had just recently eighteen with your hair fluttering in the wind. You wore the well-recognized U.A. uniform, your backpack resting on your shoulders. A smile soon grew on your face at the sight of him, and you tilted your head with a small smile in greeting. 

“Neutralizer,” he greeted with a coy smile, and his body leaned onto the doorway. His eyes drank you in, the swell of your chest against the button up white shirt, the striking red tie, the jacket that remained unbuttoned on your body, the dark socks that reached your knees, and that stupidly short skirt.

“Hi, Mindjack-sensei,” you greeted with a bright smile, unfazed by the coyness of his energy and ignorant to his straying eyes. “You wanted to meet here today?”

He wet his lips and nodded his head, his eyes closing, “Well, I had to celebrate this joyful win with my favorite student, didn’t I?”

“I’m your only student,” you snorted, pushing past him and entering his house.

You didn’t seem to notice the way his eyes zeroed in on your ass when you passed him, nor did you see how he was nearly drunk off your figure when you bent down to exchange your shoes for his guest slippers. 

“I think that speaks volumes on how highly I perceive you,” Shinsou lazily grinned, taking your jacket and backpack and went to put them in his closet. “You’re so great that I don’t need to look for another helping hand.”

“What will you do when I graduate in these next months?” you asked teasingly, your focus back on Shinsou, and you both held each other’s gaze while standing in the hallway. 

“You’re trying to tell me that you won’t accept my offer to be my sidekick before you go pro?”

His gaze was dangerous, practically begging you in this subdued cat and mouse game to contradict his theory.

“Maybe I am.”

His eyes narrowed; to anyone else, they would’ve been daunting, menacing, threatening, but to you who had known him for years, you could see right past the playful glare.

“Watch it, punk.”

With that, you walked further into the household and having never been to his house before, you couldn’t help but point out the different pictures you saw. There was no stopping you on asserting how weird it was that he went to school with so many well-known heroes. U.A. sure was something else.

The conversation between the two of you flowed like water. There was no dull moment while you stood by the counter, mindlessly eating fruit while exchanging lively words. You had since reaching the bar rolled your sleeves up to your elbows while attempting to catch the fruit that Shinsou was now throwing at you, but most often, they continued to bounce off your nose and go flying onto the floor. 

“You’re horrible at this,” Shinsou snorts when you reappear from the floor with the slightly dirty fruit.

“Get a better aim,” you retorted with a snicker, eating the fruit.

But then Shinsou focused in the wrong area. His eyes focused on the way your lips gleamed under the fluorescent lights, coated with what was definitely your saliva and tinted with berry juices. Your lips stunned him with how delicate and soft they looked. How full and sinful they would feel pressed against his lips, wrapped around his—

“Mindjack-sensei?”

His eyes snapped up to meet your eyes that looked curious, naive to his thoughts, and with the slightest hint of embarrassment.

Recomposing himself, Shinsou cleared his throat and leaned against the counter again, the cold marble digging into his hip. “Y/l/n?”

“I was asking why you’re wearing your costume inside your house, it’s a bit dorkish.”

It seemed the embarrassment wasn’t from his drinking of your lips, but instead because of your question. Shinsou’s fingers fisted into the capturing weapon that rested around his neck. Honestly, he had no idea why he did; his costume was definitely a very comfortable piece, and well, he didn’t exactly go out on the field today, so it was clean.

But when he went to answer your question, his eyes saw the way your teeth gnawed on your bottom lip, and the way that you leaned in closer. Such a flustered school girl. How was he supposed to be professional when you did that? The only thing he could see — the only thing he wanted to see — was you gnawing at your lips when he was fucking you to the heavens, your embarrassment keeping you from being as loud as you could be.

“Come here,” Shinsou commanded, his head gesturing to you to move over to his side of the counter.

Obediently, you followed and stepped before him.

Fuck, you were tiny compared to him. Shinsou looked down at you, your eyes stared up at him curiously, unsure of what he was going to say or do.

“What do you think about me?”

Your eyes widened, your tongue coming out to lick your lips nervously. What was that kind of question? You thought he knew exactly what you thought about him? “Well, um, I think you’re an excellent Pro Hero! You’ve taught me a lot in my work-study, and I’ll forever be grateful for you!”

It seemed like an appropriate response, not too harsh, and it wouldn’t be enough to inflate his ego. But it seemed that he wasn’t in agreement with your thoughts, his hand came to rub his stubbled cheeks, and his eyes darkened.

“What else?”

The words sent a shiver down your spine at those words. There was so much intention behind what that could mean. What was he trying to insinuate here?

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

Shinsou took a drink of his water, his eyes still focused on you. His gaze as calculating, as if he was studying a bug under a microscope. Your locked stares were unbreakable and soul searching, and as you were now just growing used to while on the field, a sense of an upcoming battle was flaring on your instincts. Placing the cup down, he took a step forward, a smirk pulling at his lips.

“What do you think of me?”

“I-I already told you,” you stammered, taking the smallest step back, but your didn’t retreat when he took another step closer. “You’re a very good—.”

“Not like that,” he growled lowly, his eyes dropping down to your breasts, to the swell of your hips.

It was becoming increasingly harder to breathe, his musky scent was overwhelming your nose, sending shivers down your spine, and there was nothing you could do but gasp for air.

“I don’t think I understand…”

Shinsou was now entirely parallel to you, your chest nearly touching his while he leaned down, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear. You could no longer breathe, unable to focus or think of anything but the fact that your boss — your mentor — was seemingly admitting that he was attracted to you.

“How do I make you feel?” he nearly panted in your ear. “All I know is that you drive me fucking insane with how beautiful you are, you’re so fucking pure, yet I know you know what you’ve been doing.”

“Mindjack-sensei—!” you squeak, your face radiated heat. You tried to stumble back, to deny his accusations, but his hands were on your waist, keeping you cemented in place.

“Do you want me the way I want you? The way I want to fuck you until your body is forever printed into the mattress of my bed? To have you begging until my bed frame breaks?”

Shinsou grin turned sly at the way you trembled against his hold.

“Don’t you think about fucking me, kitten? Because I can only think about your pretty lips and pussy around my cock. I bet you have such a pretty fucking pussy too.” An audible moan left your lips, and Shinsou’s fingers tightened around your waist to the point he was most likely leaving bruises. He was enjoying the way you were obviously enjoying this too. “You like this? Mm, of course, you would. Such a dirty little kitten, I bet you’re already fucking wet, wanting nothing more than my cock to fuck you into oblivion.”

“Mindjack-sensei,” you gasped in horror of his words despite your body pressing flush against his. His words hadn’t been false, by god did you want him to fuck you into oblivion, but you always pressed those feelings aside because he was a respected authority. He could have just about anyone as a top hero, so why would he want a high school student who worked for him? Shinsou let out a sharp stream of air at the feeling of your thigh rubbing against his growing boner. “We can’t do this! If we’re caught, we’ll—”

“We can’t do this? On the contrary, I think we can fucking do this. No one has to know, but if you don’t want me the way I want you, that’s okay. Tell me to stop then,” he interrupted you, his fingers pulling at the waistband of your skirt, his teeth nibbling at your ear. “Tell me you don’t feel the same way about me, and I’ll stop.”

Your chest heaved, your body screaming at you to let him fuck you. You’ve wanted him for so long, to have him buried balls deep within you, calling him yours and no one else’s. But your brain — your anxieties — screamed at you that this was wrong because he is your teacher. What if something terrible were to happen because of this?

“Nothing bad will happen,” Shinsou murmured, and you stopped breathing at the way his warm breath fanned against your neck. “I promise.”

You pushed away, your eyes wide while looking up at his violet gaze that seemed to grow impossibly darker. You had been under his mind control before, countless days being spent to see who could use their quirk faster, him or you. Each and every time so far, you had bitterly lost, you knew what it was like to be under control. To have your ability to choose what you wanted to do or not taken away. You knew what it was like to not have free will, but this was not it. 

You could choose.

You would choose.

Gulping, your fingers rose to his soft purple hair, raking through the short purple locks that were ever present in your fantasies and dreams.

“Fuck me then.”

His lips pressed against yours immediately, and your breathing nearly stopped at the immediate contact. The scruff on his cheeks, chin, and jaw tickled the softness of your own skin, and only continued to scratch against your skin when the kiss increased in intensity. His mouth drank you in quickly, the heat of his mouth making you overwhelmingly woozy. The kiss alone was sending throbbing heat to your core, your cunt already feeling slick with your essence just from this kiss that you’ve wanted for so long.

Shinsou then took a step forward, and you took a step back, a dance between these new lovers until your back was slammed against a wall. With the feeling of the cold wall pressing into your back, the knowledge of where this was going shot through you.

“How do you want me to fuck you, kitten?” Shinsou growled against your mouth, pulling away afterward so that his nearly black with lust irises burned into your own. “Tell me your deepest fantasy.”

You wheezed when he lifted you up, the height difference between the two of you was too grand for him to grind his hardened cock into you while merely standing. The growing slick in your panties grazed against his hardness, and you pressed your hands onto his shoulders. Your head lolled backward; the shuddering pleasure from the harsh graze was already overstimulating you. His mouth latched onto your exposed neck, pressing spicy-sweet kisses onto the soft skin, his hips pressing hardened circles into your growing heat. 

“I want you to,” you swallowed, your mouth running dry from his actions, mind unable to keep up with his pleasure gaining effects. 

“What do you want, kitten?” he growled against your growing slick neck. His fingers were kneading and pulling at your covered breasts, someone how managed to press onto your nipples despite not knowing your naked body. Fisting your hands into his hair, you tugged hard at the roots, the pleasure shooting through your body unignorable. 

“I want you to use your capturing weapon on me,” you plead, your hips jerking against his in frantic attempt to get this going. “I want you to blindfold me — fuck, I want you to use your quirk on me, deny me, overstimulate me, I don’t care. I just want your cock in my pussy.”

“My, my, you’ve been thinking about this for a while now, haven’t you?” Shinsou grinned with a burst of barking laughter at your embarrassment of being caught. “How many times have you thought about me bending you over in the middle of an alleyway, right after a successful mission, fucking you as congratulations?”

“S-Shinsou—!” you whimpered at the way his hips were now embedding into you as if you two weren’t fully clothed, but already fucking like savage animals.

“I want to hear you call me sensei when I’m fucking you,” he grunts against your throat.

“Not daddy?” you squeak when he pulls away from the wall, and your arms wrap around his neck in precaution. His hard cock now presses deliciously against your heated core, the movement of his walking legs adding to the slow and imbued sensations running their course through your body.

“Maybe another day,” he chuckled deep within his throat.

You felt a chill run through your spine at the way he possessively grabbed onto your waist, his body leaning down to press your back against the soft mattress of his bed. His lips were so ardent against your skin. The body heat expelling from his person, making you sweat when his lips dominated you again.

Your lips glided over each other, your fingers fisting into his shirt with undeniable electricity pouring down your spine. Powerful and sharp pulses slamming through your body when he ground his hips down onto you. 

“Sensei,” you whimpered when his needy lips pressed once more against your cold neck. The contradicting temperatures quickly spun your head, and your eyes clenched closed, trying to focus in on these exhilarating sensations. “Please, sensei do— oh my god.”

Shinsou’s hips were grinding insistently into your, his fingers now pressing into your clit above your panties, expertly rubbing figure eights into your puffy bundle of nerves. Your legs trembled around his waist, your head flying backward with the beating of your heart heavy between your thighs.

“Do what, kitten?” he asked, his teeth marking purple ringed bruises onto your collarbone, enjoying the angry warm colors appearing on your skin. “Is your sensei making you feel good? What do you want from me right now, use your words? Fuck, you’re gorgeous.”

The last bit is no louder than a mere whisper, but it’s loud in your ears. You hadn’t even stripped yet, and he had these opinions on you! The intensity of that piece of knowledge made your knees weak with the thought of how intense his own emotions were — for how long has he wanted you in the same way you wanted him? Your mouth opened with a chill running down your spine, your hips grinding down onto his circling fingers.

“Now, I don’t like being disrespected,” he warned, his finger stilling against your clit. You, however, were already consumed by the pleasure that throbbed deep in your core over his nimble fingers teasingly touching where you wanted him most. Your hips still roll against his stiff appendages, and he chuckles at the almost needy and pathetic whimpers that expel from your lips. Your eyes are again shut, mouth opened, and body begging for more.

“Stop grinding,” he commands, his left hand pressing onto your hip, stilling any and all actions from you. You groaned loudly, disappointment and disapproval profoundly evident on your face when you finally opened your eyes.

“Sensei—” you whined, but your hips stopped nonetheless, a pout on your lips. 

“I want you right now,” he says quietly, but his words are firm, unwavering, and genuine. His fingers trace the inside of your thighs, making you jerk with horny anticipation until you felt like taking in charge of him. “Can I fuck you right now, kitten?”

The words almost knock the wind out of you, the innocent yet well-knowing tone on his tongue enough to make you bite down on your lip harshly while you nodded. “Fuck me right now.”

Shinsou lips stretched into a cunning smirk, his teeth capturing his mouth while he nodded, “I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

Sitting up, your eyes took in his body that was hidden under his baggy clothes, much like his own mentor. You did nothing to conceal the way your teeth tugged at your lower lip in lustful need, and your hand pressed down onto the restrained bulge in his pants, grinning when he twitched under your hot hand. 

“I want sensei to fuck me, to fill me with his cock and cum until no one can deny that I’m yours, sensei,” you mewled in his ear.

Without a second thought or a moment to realize what was happening, your shirt was ripped off your person, the buttons scattering loudly against the wooden floor. You shouted in complete shock when Shinsou tugged the red tie off your neck and tossed it on the corner of the bed, and your skirt was thrown to the floor. You lay on the bed exposed in just your undergarments, but they were more than only your regular garments. Shinsou’s eyebrow quirked up upon recognizing that the piece you were wearing was lingerie — expensive lingerie at that.

His eyes met yours, and your eyes swam with confidence that made him stop.

“Were you expecting this?” he asked softly, his fingers grabbing onto the bridge of your bra. His touch so gentle, so soft, it was almost as if he touched it for too long he would destroy the lace fabric of your lingerie.

“It’s hard not to be extra prepared when celebrating with sensei,” you fluttered your eyelashes as you shifted so that you were now straddling his hips. Your body was pressed firmly against his, your mouth ghosting the shell of his ear, “Especially when I want my sensei to fuck me until I’m only his.”

The small victory you gained from being able to distract the Pro Hero was soon snuffed out when cold, and steel-like cloth wrapped all over your legs and arms and slipped between your teeth. The world spun when your face and chest was then shoved into the mattress.

“See what you make me do to you, kitten?”

You whimpered loudly at the arched position you were contorted into. Despite your discomfort, your core ached in need, flaring with this dominative aura that burned to life within him. This is what you had been craving since the beginning, you wanted nothing more than for the purple-haired hero to bend you to his will, to make you no better than some damn puppet while he fucked you deep into his bed.

“Look at you, you’re fucking soaked, and I haven’t done so much as grazing your clit!” Shinsou chuckles, leaning closer to you until you could feel his warm breath fanning against your clenching wet hole. “You’re such a dirty kitten, wanting your sensei’s cock. I guess your sensei is going to have to teach you a few things about mannerisms and make sure you’re fucked to completion.”

You chocked against the cloth in your mouth; it was pressing harshly against your tongue, riling your gag reflexes until saliva poured from your mouth. You weakly looked at Shinsou, your cheeks feeling like they were on fire, your pussy clenching in its attempt to draw him nearer. This was so dirty though, he was older than you, he was your mentor — your sensei. You shouldn’t be letting him talk to you this way, letting him tease your soaked folds, but you wanted his cock — you needed your sensei’s cock to ruin you for anyone ever again. 

Shinsou looked at you, his eyes glinting dangerously as if he could read your filthy thoughts while his fingers slid off the black panties until they bunched at your angled knees. Your arch deepens at the feeling of the cold air now reaching your blazing core, and your eyes rolled to the back of your head while you wantonly whine. The restraints on your wrists and ankles were tight, sending just the minutest bit of discomfort through your nerves to send you wiggling your ass impatiently.

But as you stared up at Shinsou, and the way his coarse fingers dug into your hips. His heated fingers dragged against your smooth skin until he caught you staring. “You don’t need to be looking at this, kitten.”

The binding left your mouth and wrapped around your eyes. The cold and wet with your saliva metal binding to your face caused a sensation to course through you that was foreign. It disgusted you on a shallow level but fueled the gagging moan that pressed in your throat.

“Sensei!” you squeaked, not expecting this to happen so soon. Especially with the fact that your body was ultimately under his domination. 

Your lack of sight immediately sent all your other senses to one hundred, and you were acutely aware of the fact that he was no longer touching you. You knew he was in the room, but you couldn’t sense him. You only knew that your ass was perked into the air, your arms shot before you in a position that you never knew you could achieve without weight to shove your chest further down.

Shinsou, however, was behind you, his eyes focused on your shining heated slick cunt. A groan emits slowly from his mouth, and he almost relishes in the way that you twitch towards him, the blindfold doing precisely what he had hoped for. Rumbling lowly in his chest, Shinsou inserted two nimble fingers into your wet cunt, moaning at the way that your walls are tight against him. It was so lewdish in the way that your walls were already milking his fingers, begging for more despite the initial entrance.

Your legs trembled, and your mouth fell at the feeling of his foreign fingers entering your spasming cunt. It’s a feeling you immediately burn into your skin. You want this; you crave this. His fingers reach knuckle deep against your heated walls, and they clench around him whenever he attempts to move.

“Your pussy is so pretty and so fucking tight, and all I have in you is my fingers,” Shinsou groans, his fingers curling smoothly within you. Your hips snap backward, trying to fuck yourself against his appendages, desperate the elevated pleasure felt as his fingers moved against you. Desire soaks your body, and you thrust your hips against his fingers, uncaring about how needy this looked.

His fingers were buried in your cunt, and you whined loudly at the feeling of his fingers pushing and pressing against your velvet walls. The feeling of his fingers stroking your walls, sending your body thrusting forward and backward. They continue this pace, not slow enough to be teasing, but not quick enough to satisfy your needs.

“Don’t tease me, sensei,” you pant, your ass moving and wiggling in the air while he manipulated your body under his ministrations. “I want you to — please, fuck my pussy so good!”

There was no response to your pleading, only action. His fingers then hooked within you, scissoring, and even pressing against your walls until nothing was coming out of you except the squelching noises of his fingers digging deeper into your cunt. His hero name a mantra on your lips. 

“Such a pretty little kitten, taking my fingers so well. I can’t wait to see how you’ll react against my cock. I bet your cries will be fucking cute to hear,” he chuckled, his thighs hugging against yours, and you moaned at the feeling of his hard cock pressing against your lower belly. You whimpered loudly at the sensation, craving nothing more than to have his cock buried deep within you instead of his fingers.

“Sensei, please!” you begged, the feeling of him all over you. Yet the denial of both seeing him and having his cock buried deep within you was too much. “I don’t want sensei’s fingers, I want sensei’s cock — fuck, please!”

Shinsou chuckled, his fingers left your cunt, and you whimpered at the way your body felt so cold and empty without him buried within you.

“You’ve been good so far, I think you deserve my cock,” he grinned, his breathing heavy and hot against your spine. Your back arched and your body trembled with excitement and nerves as he guided his cock against your wet slit.

Then his hips pressed forward, only the tip of his head pushing through your folds. Teasing you, tormenting you with this half fullness when you knew his cock was much bigger.

“Stop playing unfairly, sensei!” you squawk, your hips trying to slam back to take him more in, but he predicts it and moves back with you. More of his cock leaves you, and you cry in blatant need and horrid horniness. 

“Don’t you have any embarrassment?” he chuckles, his hands finally removing the bra on your chest, and his fingers grip and pull at your nipples. You shudder against his hold, curse that he was so much bigger than you. You needed more of his cock, but he didn’t seem willing to give it to you. “A schoolgirl asking her sensei to fuck her silly, do you know what you’re doing to me, kitten? So fucking dirty, so fucking needy. You want my goddamn dick, you better admit that you’re a stupid little girl who wants her sensei for the rest of her fucking life.”

There was nothing but pure electric shivers that poured through your body at those words, and still, you needed him. Your mouth let out a strained whimper; the slightly circling of his fat cock buried an inch into your cunt, a reminder that you needed to get him fully within you.

“I’m a dirty stupid fucking little girl who wants my sensei and his fucking cock for the rest of my fucking life,” you parrot with no shame, your hips bouncing in hopes of engaging him. “I only want my sensei!”

“Such a good kitten, saying such pretty things,” he sighs, but still, he doesn’t penetrate you fully. 

But he does begin to move.

It’s teasing and by every means maddening feeling the first three inches of his swollen dick push into you and exit. The feeling of the veins on his cock dragging against your sensitive walls made you stammer his name. But that wasn’t good enough, no Shinsou wanted you to howl his name to the heavens, to make sure that everyone knew what a good sensei he was.

His hips move in faster to meet the back of your thighs. With the slowly deepening penetration, your eyes lull to the back of your head, your tongue pooling from your mouth.

“Say more pretty things, or I’ll take my fucking cock away,” he growled, his fingers digging impossibly deeper into your waist.

“Sensei!” you squirm, your back arching like a cat the second the tip of his cock drags against your particular spot.

“What did I say about not following what I command!”

You splutter, your body thrashing against his stilling hips, “But sensei’s cock! It makes me so dumb!” you whine, your fingers digging into the mattress when he slowly starts again. “It’s so big, so thick in my tight pussy! Sensei, please defile me, please make me cum! Cum in my pussy, please! I need you, sensei!”

Those must have been some magic words because Shinsou snarled, and his hips hammered into you. Sending your arms sprawling, your scream of pleasure and glee dripping from your throat. The way that his cock is now brushing over your g-spot again and again was too much.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Your pussy is so fucking tight,” he gasped, his hands slamming your ass back against him. The slapping of your skin on his pelvis sends your eyes fluttering behind the blindfold. He was contorting your body to his will. “After today, I’ll make sure you’ll always be able to take me, all of me, no matter how wet you are.”

Your voluptuous moans are untamable, your thighs trembling with the upcoming orgasm that you can feel throbbing from your toes.

“I needa cum!” you sob, hoping that with how he was drilling against your g-spot, it would be soon.

“You don’t get to cum yet.”

You cried when he pulled out of you completely, and the capturing weapon wrapped around your waist, and you were suddenly pulled to your knees. You heard a familiar sound of a body dropping to the bed, and his hands replaced the fabric around your waist.

“You’re going to ride your sensei’s cock,” he instructed, pulling you down towards him so that your dripping wet cunt was once against grinding against the tip of his dick. “Show sensei what a good kitten you’ve been, what a great hero you’ve become because of me.”

You swallow thickly, your mind swimming with lust and need while his swollen cock twitches at your entrance, “I’m going to show sensei that he’s taught me well.”

“Damn right, you will.”

And with that, he lowered you.

While the blindfold around your eyes obstructed your vision, your sight was wholly taken away from you by his actions. When Shinsou guided you onto his cock, the feeling of his thick veiny length reentering your cunt that begged for his return nearly took your sight away. He wasn’t even within you yet, only the tip of his cock penetrating your slit once more, teasing your walls that clenched in desperation for him. “Don’t tease me, sensei,” you pant, the capturing weapon preventing you from lowering yourself fully onto him, but surprisingly, he does as you hope for. 

Then, what you’ve wanted this entire time. His hips thrust forward at the same moment that you’re dropped onto his cock, and your jaw splits into a soundless scream.

“SHINSOU!” you scream, and his fingers that have your dried slick are placed into your mouth.

“Suck.”

Without arguing, your mouth clamps around his fingers and sucks your essence clean from his fingers. He holds you from behind, his free hand meshing and tweaking at your breasts, making sure to tease and pull at your sensitive nipples until your legs were shaking underneath you. 

His hand rips from your mouth, a trail of saliva following after his mouth. You can only cry louder, more wantonly of how the cold saliva dribbles onto your overheating body. Your head slams back against him, and his hot breath fans against your collarbone while the capturing weapon still proceeds to make you bounce against his cock. Every bounce sends his cock deeper within your clamping cunt, stretching you out in unimaginable ways until your walls spasming around his length because you need more.

You whine into his ear, your mouth pressing blind and sloppy kisses against his slick with sweat neck.

It’s when both his hands bring your hips down to him, his cock finally bottoming out entirely within you, does the most primal moan rip through your mouth. You convulse on his lap, trying to move as the head of his cock buries against your cervix, and you swear behind the blackness of your vision, you can see the entire galaxy. You tremble on top of him, wordless cries pittering from your mouth while he nibbles onto your earlobe.

“Fuck, kitten, I can feel your cervix against my cock,” Shinsou grunts, and you rise and falls against his throbbing cock. 

“You’re filling me out, sensei,” you cry, your hips bouncing up and down, the feeling of his cock pressing up against your cervix, making you dizzier by the second. “Sensei’s cock is so fucking big, he’s filling and stretching me out so much! My pussy can’t — fuck — I can’t take it, sensei!”

“You can take it,” Shinsou growls into your neck, his hands rising you up and down against his cock. The soft slapping of your ass meeting his thighs a drum in your ear. “You’re taking my cock so fucking well, I taught you — I’m teaching you better, I know you can do this kitten.”

You soon readjust to the numbing pleasure, the bruising pleasure, and pain that comes with his cock slamming against your cervix. The way that he thrusts up into you, stretching out your walls far more than you was ever used to.

“I can’t fuck you correctly like this,” he growled, and the restraints yanked you forward once more.

You yelped loudly when you were now on your back, your ankles by your wrists, and your cunt exposed to him completely. In seconds flat, he was buried back into you, but the angle of being on your back aided to the curve of his cock, and your spine nearly snapped in the way you reacted to the pleasure spasming in your toes. This was what you wanted. “Sensei, your cock! SHIT! Oh my god, oh my god, this angle—!”

Your voice lessened to a senseless babble, your sentences blurring together, and your cheek pressed into the mattress and drool pooled from your lips. You feel his hot and robust shoulder touch against the backside of your thighs. With your thighs to support him, he begins to drill his hips into you.

His pace is completely irreplicable, every maddening powerful thrust of his hips shoves you closer to the headboard. The wet slapping echoing throughout the room when he pierces into you almost drowned out both of your senseless cries. His fingers dig into your skin, leaving purple fingerprints on your soft skin, and it amplified your howls of pleasure. 

Fire erupts in your cunt, an overwhelming heat that throbs right in your core, and with every slam of his hips, it grows only more. 

Intensifying. 

Deepening. 

The temperature of your body sizzles off you in large heat, and you swear that your sweat evaporates with every slam of his hips. His lips press against yours, a maddening escape of lust and need exchanging between your parted lips. Your salvia is everywhere, covering both of their faces with the sticky coldness. But that didn’t stop him; it only fueled him to kiss you entirely, engulfing you with his mouth, daring you with his tongue.

You were barely keeping up with his snapping hips, your mouth begging for more when he suckled on your tongue.

Her walls fluttered and clamped around him, a constant reminder of the impending orgasm that you could no longer warn him about.

“Do you need to cum?” he huffs against the corner of your mouth, his hips continuing to drill dangerously fast and deep into you.

“Y-Yes, sensei, I needa come so badly! Let me come against sensei big cock, please!” you sobbed, your body trying to press even closer to him. It was at that moment, the revelation that you were close that his quirk washes over you. 

It’s a weird feeling, your body continues to feel disgustingly on fire, like an illness burning you from the inside out. But you’re no longer in control, your mind fuzzy and muggy, but he continues to fuck you as if you weren’t there. The coil that had wound so tightly in the core of your uterus seemed frozen. No longer tightening to the point of snapping, but so tight that it pained you that he now denied you a release.

“Well, I’m not ready,” he pants, “you don’t cum until I do.”

His hips now work against you with untapped vigor he had not been using before. One hand holding your leg over his shoulder, the other keeping your hips in place as he continued to push his cock deep within you. Your body was by all terms relaxed, not a single muscle was tense while he drilled into you, his fingers massaging your clit and nipples. But your mind was alert, thoroughly overworked, over thrilled, and feeling like you were moments from exploding with no choice but to keep it in. 

His sweat dripped onto your body, and your drool slowly slipped from your lips. 

It pained you not to moan, the inability to move your hips against his rutting ones nearly driving you insane until he was snarling like a savage beast, and with his teeth buried into your neck, you only heard one thing before your vision turned white.

“Cum.”

You weren’t sure whether you broke free from his quirk because he let you go or because the orgasm that crashed through you sent your body snapping up and rolling them over so that Shinsou was on his back. But the orgasm was still ripping through you. Powerful waves of insane pleasure drumming deep within you until there was nothing left but that hollowness that came after an orgasm.

Your breathing was erratic, your heartbeat on your tongue while you looked down at him with a frazzled expression.

“Holy fuck, ‘toshi,” you gasped, your hands pulling away at the tie from your eyes, and now you held onto your breasts. Your brain must have short-circuited because nothing was running through your mind, no matter what you tried to think about. 

“Look at that,” he mused, looking down at his lower abdomen. You followed his eyes, and a blush brightened your face at the clear liquid that coated his abs. 

You had squirted.

“Well, that was fucking hot, I don’t blame ya,” he chuckles, bringing you in. “How are you feeling? I know I was pretty deep in you, sorry.”

You sighed, nestling into his chest, finally relaxed. It took a bit of willpower to ignore the slick wetness that came with your mixed cum sprayed out onto his lower stomach. His lips pressed against your temple, and you sighed wistfully, tiredly.

“I’m fine, ‘toshi,” you affirm, grinning at him. “I might have problems walking tomorrow, so you’ll just needa help me.” 

He chuckles but nods in agreement. Tapping you on your waist, he rolls you over so that you’re relaxing on the bed, and he pulls out, and you groan at the lack of his dick in you. Waving off your protests, he leaves and reappears with a damp washcloth. Without speaking, he begins to gently clean you up, placing tender and scratchy kisses against your body.

You grin when your husband finally collapses back onto the bed and pulls you in close, his nose rubbing against your bruised collarbones, eliciting a sharp squeal from you.

“Maybe I’ll pull out my old schoolgirl skirt more often,” you giggle, and he hummed in agreement. “It was fun.”

“I think that would be perfect.”

“Happy anniversary, sensei.”

“Happy anniversary, kitten.”

[itseivwhore]

Hey can you do something short about ezio and jacob with a sick reader, I have the cold and it's so overwhelming and painful, and I can't help the sore throat

Heyo there anonimo,thank you a lot for requesting this,it's something that I have never written before,so now the time has come! I am glad you sent me this little request just now,for I am having a pretty much rough time lately,so writing this managed to distract me,someway,even if a little...

I started to write this as soon as I saw your request in my inbox,I didn't want to make a reader of mine wait for so long (because 1) you are sick,and I HATE having a sore throat; and 2) I said 'so long' because I take a lot of time in writing my one shots). I hope you will feel better soon!Just stay at home,rest,sleep,all comfy in your warm bed between fluffly blankets aaanddd...read this ;)

So,starting with this little note: I didn't and I don't actually understand what you truly meant with 'something short' ...a mini one shot with BOTH Ezio and Jacob in it?Two separated imagines,each one with Ezio and Jacob?

I don't know,but I have decided,since I have never done this before,to go for modern heacanons (pretty long ones too,so am I forgiven?). I am so sorry if,maybe,I misunderstood you and if you wanted just a whole imagine,or two different ones. Just let me know once you'll read this?Mh?

Now,let's start,shall we?

~~~~~

|°Ezio°| :

"Dolcezza?Are you alright,amore?"

When you returned from a long,tiring,to say the least endless day at work,the first thing you did was to collapse on the sofa,sighing heavily and deeply as you closed your heavy eyes,your head spinning as you tried to melt in with the softness of the sofa.

As soon as you entered the house,you heard a muffled,sweet sound coming from the kitchen,not far from the living room where you had let yourself go;managing to smile slightly when you recognized the familiar voice of Ezio who,while cooking,was busy humming an Italian song you grew accustomed to know,to learn and to sing with him.

But he stopped humming cheerfully when, hearing the sound of the keys in the lock and the loud noise of the door being locked, he did not see you coming.

Usually,every evening and every time you finished your shift at work,once at home,the first thing you did was to run into the arms of Ezio,who constantly and faithfully waited for you to come back:finding him sitting on the sofor preparing dinner,or doing some chores around the house,knowing that you would come back tired after a long day at work...but always happy to find him here,promptly with open arms and with that bright and joyful smile,to hold you in a strong and long embrace and with sweet and passionate kisses,immediately followed by his genuine questions,purely interested in knowing how your day went.

So the guy became quite concerned when he didn't see you running towards of him as usual.And he worried even more when he didn't hear an answer from you,a thousand thoughts that suddenly flooded his mind.

As he left the kitchen,he quickly leaned on the door,softly called your name in a barely audible whisper.

His eyes grew dark with worry as they wandered around the big living room,finding your form lying,almost helpless,on the couch,not moving even a little.

No,you were not alright.

And Ezio understood that immediately.

Walking quickly in the living room,he sat next to your lying form,his eyebrow furrowed,a worried and thoughtful expression on his face when he heard you mumbling something under your breath,your voice being muffled by the couch.

He stretched out a hand,delicately turning your head to the side,rising up a corner of his mouth and giving you a small and sweet smile as he observed,and studied,your visibly tired and weak face,leaning down and pressing his lips on your forehead as he caressed your warm cheeks,you lazily leaning in his gentle touch.

Let's be honest:when Ezio understood that you were not just tired,but you were terribly sick,with a headache and most likely with a fever too,he started to panick a little.

The poor boy was not used to get sick,he rarely did,thanks to all that sun and warm days he grew up with in his homeland.He was not used,at all.

But he knew his things:many times his little brother,Petruccio,got sick,and many times he watched how their mother looked after him.

So,keeping his worry and panick within and for himself,not wanting to worsen the situation and not wanting to make you worried for him,he started to organize everything.

Preparing and fixing the kingsize bed you shared,delicately picking you up and bringing you in your bedroom,laying you on the bed,helping you changing your clothes,leaving chaste kisses all over your warm skin before covering you with layers of warm blankets,pillows all around you;a bottle of water on the nightstand and a glass there too.

Ezio was so devoted and focused,now even more than he already was:laying beside you on the bed,his chin resting on his palm as he gazed at you,softly talking with you,humming lowly,playing with your hair,reminding you how much he loved you,making you flattered,making you giggle amusedly too with his funny,dirty jokes.

"I can't wait to make you tired for another reason,tesoro"

Of course he was there all the time,rushing and running inside the bedroom from wherever he was whenever he heard you calling him,giving you everything you wanted and needed.

"Salute!" every time he heard you sneezing,shouting that loudly and hearing his voice from downstairs.

And,obviously,being the good chef he was,he didn't stop cooking,preparing you some of your favourite dishes,showing up in the bedroom with plates for lunch and hot drinks during the afternoon.

"Don't be uspetti,eat some spaghetti".

Tons and tons and millions of sweet Italian nicknames.

Him occasionally being dramatic,just to make you laugh,throwing himself on the bed beside you as he started to speak and to gesture in a very theatrical way,pretending to be sick too.

Malicious smirks and sly winks when,once you started to feel a bit better and when you were able to leave the bed,he found you standing near his drawer.

His shiny,clearly excited brown eyes wandering all over your body,that smirk only growing more as he saw you wearing one of his t-shirt,obviously way bigger than you,knowing how much you adored wearing them,feeling his perfume on you.

"Stealing my shirts again,I see" seeing Ezio giving you one last grin before walking away.

"Where are you going?"

"You know I can't control myself when I see you wearing my clothes,vita mia!" he shouted,going downstairs.

You were eternally grateful to have Ezio always at your side,helping you to rest and recover,making you smile when you last feel like laughing,making you feel extremely loved,making you feel special and making you feel better for the way he was looking after you.

"Anything for la luce della mia vita"

~~~~~

|°Jacob°| :

"Tea"

That was the first thing that Jacob said when you told him you were sick...not that he didn't already know,anyways.

The younger twin could seem distracted and nonchalant,but underneath all that thick layer of sarcasm and cheeky smiles,his observer side was hidden.

And Jacob watched you,more than he could ever admit;not that you didn't like this,but quite the opposite:you loved as his hazel eyes always watched and observed you in that warm way,you loved as he remembered the smallest details of you,you loved and admired him with all of yourself,because he was the only person in the world who knew you so well.

And the younger Frye also watched you closely,and more importantly,when one weekend evening,while waiting for you to come back from work,he saw you running towards his car,rushing in,soaking wet,head to toe,trembling violently.

Oh,the infamous downpour of the UK!

Jacob knew well,way too well how lethal the violent,sudden winter downpours were.Who knows for how many times he had or stayed at home when he was a child,whole days spent out in his garden in the rain,serious consequence of him getting a rough cold and a high fever.

As soon as you started having the first symptoms of what was preparing to be a severe cold,Jacob didn't waste any time.

Needless to say that,all your protests and all your futile attempts to convince him that you were fine,were not exactly taken into account by him.

Perhaps you were stubborn,not wanting him to worry any more...

But no one could be more stubborn than Jacob Frye himself was.

"You aren't going to win,love.Not with me"

He preferred you staying in the livingroom more than in the bedroom,saying that it was easier for him and that he didn't had to run up and down when he could have you right there,him at your disposal,and you under his attentive gaze.

A lot of pillows and blankets around and on you as you comfortably laid down on the sofa as you took naps there,or as you watched the TV,lights switched off as he lit up some candles all around the living room,making just a relaxed and soft atmosphere.

A lot of pillows.He nearly built a pillow fort.

The younger twin always was there when you needed or called him,finding him standing in front of you in a blink of an eye.

"Your humble servant is here,Miss,to fulfill his duties" saying that in such a solemn way,bowing down and bringing his hand towards his heart as his eyes shone brightly in hearing you giggle.

"Tea cure and heal everything,remember this,darling" that's what Jacob kept on saying every day,almost every hour with a firm tone,it becoming his loyal and faithful motto.

So you bet that Jacob always made sure you had a cup of hot,warm tea between your hands,warming you inside and out.

"Headache?Tea.Insomnia?Tea.Sorethroat?Tea.Stressed?Tea!"

Tea was the answer,and of course the solution,of and for everything.Everything seemed to revolve around tea for that guy,and he had a couple of reasons to defend his thoughts on the subject.

"Earl Grey tea?Or English Breakfast tea?" the choices were infinite,innumerable,intermimable,for you were pretty sure he had all kinds of tea in some specific and hidden drawers of the kitchen.

And oh God,the tea he prepared was something divine,to say at least.Starting to think that,most likely,he was right with all the long speech about his tea being the cure of everything.

If Jacob was good at something,more than anything else,was preparing tea.

You madly loved to watch him preparing it:you sitting on the counter of the kitchen,a big blanket wrapped around your trembling body as your legs swinged forward and backward;adoring to see how focused and precise he was while making it,adoring to see how his brows furrowed in concentration.

But the thing you adored the most in that precise moments,was when he turned around to face you,giving you a big smile,walking towards you and wrapping his muscular arms around your middle,pulling you closer to himself,really and truly warming you so well,swinging you lazily;closing your eyes,a genuinely happy smile on your lips as you placed your head on his broad chest,his slow heartbeat calming you.

Obviously,his sarcastic and witty will was still there,accompanying him and his words every hour of the day.Cocky answers and sassy phrases filling his cheerful voice,not helping but feeling proud of himself when he managed to gift you of a laughter and of a smile,feeling incredibly glad in seeing you getting better day by day.

But that smug behaviour quickly faded away when Evie started to visit you,checking upon you,making sure that her twin brother was doing a good job.

His sister telling you some little,funny stories about a younger Jacob when he had colds,which,as you knew,was not rare.Making you laugh in a purely amused way in hearing how he behaved...

Not that he changed much anyways.

"He was so,so whiny"

"He WaS,sO,sO WhInY.Liar!"

But he didn't care about his pride and ego being a little hurt by all Evie's stories,as long as he heard your amused laugthers and your joyfull smile he loved to bits.

°*TrAnSlAtIoNs!*°

"Dolcezza"= literally:sweetness.Sweetheart;

"Amore" = love;

"Tesoro" = darling;

"Salute!" = bless you;

"Vita mia" = my life;

"La luce della mia vita" = the light of my life.

~~~~~

I know you asked for something short,and well,as you can clearly see this is everything but short.

Anyway,this apart,I hope you'll like it!Pleaseee let me know if you will,even sending me a private message...or not if you want to keep your persona as an anon!Just let me know,I am still a a bit afraid/insecure of what you wanted.An one-shot with both Ezio and Jacob in it?Two mini separated imagines? Guess we will never know.

Cia.

[orrible-orrible-orrible]

@spiderrpcrker @liamisthesun here's me trying to post original writing.

"So you are not in love with me anymore, huh?" Anant finally asks Aadya the question that has been haunting him ever since they went their seperaye ways. He has thought about it a lot, picked apart their past memories a million times. He has repeated their conversations in his own head so many times that if they were on a tape recorder they would barely be understandable now, the tape scratched into incoherence.

Aadya and Anant are sitting side by side in the room they spent half of their childhood in, the granite floor beneath them is cold and unforgiving. Aadya has her head on his shoulder, Anant's hand in her own. It has been more than 2 hours since they have changed positions and its becoming physically uncomfortable as time passes on and it ought to be what they should be focused on but the question has turned everything around them into a white static noise so far in the background that it has the chance of fading into irrelevance. Aadya looks at Anant then, breath caught somewhere in her throat. The onslaught of memories she has been trying to suppress since they saw each other again is sudden and explosive and it's taking all the self control Aadya doesn't have to not get lost in them.

"Do we have to do this right now?" she asks back, in hopes of avoiding an answer. She is trying to not lay herself bare and raw infront of someone who has seen her at her worst. That alone should be able to tell how intimate and even invasive the question is. Aadya has broken down in the arms of Anant, has puked her guts out on his front porch. She has been drunk silly, has sang made up nonsense songs, sang them in the top od her lungs fancying herself a singing sensation of sorts and been embarrassed about them later and never ever has she felt this vulnerable.

"This might just be the last time I have the chance to ask this," Anant persists "I have spent my life chasing a lot of unsolved mysteries, I like to think I deserve the answer to atleast one of them, especially one of the few that have mattered this much to me," he finishes quietly as his voice takes a resigned tone as if he would simply accept whatever Aadya says next, no added pressure. That is what breaks down whatever illusive defense Aadya has been trying to hold on to. She had never been able to deny Anant anything. Why should this time be any different?

Aadya chuckles and removes her hand from Anant's where their fingers have been tangled for sometime. She also lifts her head from his shoulder and Anant feels very cold all of a sudden. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, maybe this conversation is going to be so painful that what's coming next will feel like a relief. He is about to ask Aadya to leave his query unanswered when she turns her body towards him and moves Anant to turn towards her.

They are siting face to face now. Aadya thinks that if this truth destroys everything, at least she will be able to look at Anant's face to her heart's content one last time. It has always been one of her favorite pastimes. She takes both of her now idle hands and brings them to caress Anant's face, keeping them on his cheeks for a few moments. Still. She smiles then, a little nostalgic and overwhelmed and soft, always soft.

Anant is searching the face of his friend with bated breath. He has waited so long for this. It feels like forever has gone with him standing on the edge of this cliff. He knows he will start fidgeting if Aadya doesn't start talking soon.

Aadya seems to realize the same. She removes her hand from his face, tangles their fingers together and takes a deep breath and starts speaking. In for a penny, in for a pound and all that. She has always found idioms frighteningly accurate.

"I am." Everything stops as soon as the two words are out. The most real thing Aadya has ever felt is out there in the world to be perceived and dissected. It can be questioned, rejected, ridiculed, ignored or chewed up and tossed out like it means nothing. It can also be taken in and treasured in between the ribs of the boy she has been in love with since she knew what it means to be in love, right alongside his beating heart. She is hoping against hope but she has always been a little irrational when it comes to Anant. She came back here for him for crying out loud.

She feels vulnerable, of course she does but she also feels liberated. This thing that has always been hers is now stands proud infront of the face the world as well.

She wants to scream. "Look, look I have nurtured this warmth for so long. I have been able to love, I have been in love despite everything that you put me through. I am still here, still in so much love, nothing could destroy it." It's cathartic in a way she wasn't expecting it to be.

She closes her eyes instead and relishes this feeling. She smiles, opens her eyes and sees Anant's shocked face and laughs out loud. He is looking at her all lost and confused, unable to understand what Aadya is trying to get at. She decides to put him out of his misery.

"I am in love with you. I will always be in love with you. Don't know how you got the opposite idea." She knows why the question was asked. She knows he heard her talking to Dhriti about moving on.

She continues speaking without letting him get a word in.

"Do you know what being in love with you feels like? Sometimes its so loud that I can't even hear my own thoughts. It feels warm. It feels joyful. It feels safe. But most importantly, it feels like rebellion, it feels brave." Aadya knows that this is not what she was asked but now that she has started speaking, she can't stop.

"When we were kids, we used to come here and you used to tell me these stories about a better world neither of us had seen. You used to say, "Aadya we will be out there someday, the world at our feet" and I used to scoff and pinch you because that sounded so unrealistic, so cruel in its optimism." Anant opens his mouth as if to tell her that they did see the world. They saw it and they enjoyed it and most importantly they left a mark but she shushes him with a finger on his lips anticipating his I told you so.

"I know, I know. We did see the world and we let it see us. Unapologetically. But back then that statement used to grate on my nerves, made me want to pull your hair out. I once asked you why you were so sure of the possibility of good things and you looked at me and said, so sagely, might I add," Aadya huffs remembering the words Anant had once said "I believe that the world is too selfish and it craves to be seen by you, to be cradled in your hands. We will see the world simply because the world would never miss out on being loved by someone as precious as you."

Anant is sitting frozen in his place. He doesn't remember saying this but that doesn't mean he doesn't hold it to be true.

"I love you because you made me believe in myself even when I had no idea what it meant to be someone whole, when I didn't know myself. You were here, always here, when it got rough, when it got ugly, when it got dark. You saw it all and despite that you chose to stay." Aadya's eyes are a bit misty and there are so many memories she could recall verbatim and tell Anant that here is when I started loving you more, here's when you became a part of me, here's when I stopped thinking of myself without thinking of you. They have so much history. It would be impossible to put it all into words but she tries.

"I love you because you were selfish for me. To live like we did as kids, I never thought of myself as anything but expendable but you always were so selfish about me. I had never felt like that. You made me feel like someone who mattered, someone irreplaceable. I don't know why you think I could ever fall out of love with you."

This is all a bit much.

"I love you because that was the first thing that made my fingertips tingle with an itch to touch. You looked at all the destruction left in my wake and looked beyond it. You looked at my bloodied hands and asked me to create a finger painting. You made me believe that I could create better than I could destroy. I never stood a chance."

[comicteaparty]

February 29th-March 6th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from February 29th, 2020 to March 6th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What is the thing you’re proudest about regarding your story?

Deo101 [Millennium]

I hope saying "That I'm actually doing it, and that I'm still doing it and loving every minute of it" Is an okay answer ^^ there is a lot that I am very proud of myself for with regards to this comic, but I think I take the most pride in actually sticking with something for this long.

carcarchu

I agree with deo, sticking with it is what i'm most proud of and it's probably one of the hardest things to do

Capitania do Azar

Hah I can't say I'm proud of everything, right?

It's hard to put it in words but I really enjoy the comic making process and I'm proud of what I'm accomplishing with it, both in terms of writing and of art. And I think it's rather visible that I put a ton of effort into it

Spring-heeled Jack

I am proud that I prepped ahead of time because the last two times I tried, I didn't. Both times I got about 10 pages in and quit because I felt overwhelmed. With the story itself, I think I'm proud of my characters. Characters are the easiest part for me (plot and central conflict I always flounder on) but I'm still so pleased with them.(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

For me, it's just getting the work out there. Actually finishing chapters. compared to the first comic story I want to put out, this story I know for sure where its going and gives me a sense of ease? There's some days when I feel i'm slumping along but in the end, I'm pretty happy how it turned out. Pretty much what Deo and carcarchu said lol: my story is long but not super long, but I'm glad I'm still working on it among my other stories I want to share (edited)

Ash🦀

For me, what I'm most proud of is my artist, Katie. We're a collaborative team, I'm just the writer so I don't do much. And she takes my words and just... adds so much life to them. Seeing every page she makes is so amazing. Every time she's growing in her style in leaps and bounds, and seeing her push her lighting, expressions, and unusual panel styles, ugh, it's just so cool seeing her grow. I am so proud of her and what she's done, she's a total rockstar and I love her. I couldn't have done this without her, and every day I'm more grateful to her.

DanitheCarutor

That is a really good question, I don't really show pride in stuff I do usually. I guess the closest to being proud was either when my new comic passed the stopping mark for my old comic, which was discontinued at chapter 3, or when I got chapter 1 rescanned for print recently. The latter was kinda challenging because I rebubbled the whole chapter, and how I rebubbled was a little... awkward, pasting over the old bubbles in photoshop afterward.

Sorry! Apparently the image file was weird.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I actually semi-recently wrote a raving tweet thread relevant to this topic. Basically, for years and years, I did not know what it meant to be proud of your work. I've been happy with my work, both the process and the result. But was "proud of my work" completely synonymous with "happy with my work"? I legit did not know. Even asked a former English teacher friend, who's very good at explaining this sorta things, and I still didn't get it. Then as I made progress through the most recent chapter, I noticed this brand new, strange feeling welling up in me. Yep, you guessed it. For the first time ever after starting this comic, I was proud of what I was making. Not just happy with it, but proud of it. Took me a while to realize, oh, this is proud. Afterward, something happened IRL that temporarily borked my sense of time (one specific week felt like months). So because it felt like it had been months since I made it, I got to experience the last couple pages of the chapter as a reader, not its creator. And I gotta say, thank you past me, you've made something truly heartfelt, and you had every reason to be proud of this. In short: I'm proud of how my comic is an honest reflection of what my heart wants to see, what I want to read. And I'm proud of my most recent chapter being the pinnacle of that. I hope to make more, higher pinnacles down the road, as I continue my way through this story.

spacerocketbunny

I'm proud of how me and @FeatherNotes(Krispy) have shaped our characters and fleshed them out! I'm also super proud of our team dynamic and how if something didn't feel right in the story or art etc., we've always challenged it and come up with something better and stronger! Because we've been so thorough and willing to reconsider, I'm always perfectly comfortable to stand by what we've put out there, even if we've had to go back and fix past mistakes!

Mei

Hoh boy, the thing I'm proudest about in My Husband is a Cultist is the audience interaction. I've been told the comic is funny, and that makes me immensely chuffed, because it means I'm doing something right. I'm always so nervous when putting my work out there with how it's going to be received. That seeing people engage with the story and find it funny and liking the characters... it just warms my heart so much, and it makes me truly feel like I'm on the right path. I'm also pretty proud of the stuff I've written that's not been featured in the comic yet. I look forward to developing those and making them come to life, and I hope people enjoy the grittier parts of this strange comedy as much as I do! And mostly I'm proud that I'm still doing it and haven't given up yet. My lord, I just don't know how it's gonna keep going! but hopefully just onwards and upwards!

eli [a winged tale]

Reading through all of these and I’m so touched. Super proud of you all!

I’m most proud in finally chasing my dreams. Life threw me a bunch of curveballs and creating this comic is a reflection of how I dealt with things and at the same time be thankful for what I have. When I reread my comic I can see mistakes but I also see parts of myself that are genuine. I can’t wait to continue on the story and let the comic be part of my life moving forwards

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My comic went on so long behind the scenes before I was comfortable enough to share it, so I tend to think of my past self quite differently than my current self. So, I'm very proud of 'past me!' She started the project completely unaware of how long it would last or what it would become - just a few characters and story threads and a whoooole lot of ambition - and my present self has had the pleasure of weaving those threads into a project I'm truly proud of. The comic has brought me so much joy - much of it delayed, like a ticking time bomb - and it's all thanks to my younger self. She wasn't sure of what she was doing - but now I know she made some excellent decisions in the beginning. I'm very grateful she started all of this. It's made my life all the more joyful

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I got a BUFFER. My first non-fancomic died because of work-comittments and lack of buffer, but on Nyx+Nyssa I manage to work ahead. More than anything I am proud of the discipline I developed to allow for that.

FeatheryJustice

I'm proud of almost completing Teasday. I had some long hiatuses but I will finish the story for now. Also proud of where I grown from the beginning of that story to now. The time and effort shows that I did do a lot, which makes me really happy to know.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I'm proud of a lot of the work that goes into my comic, but what I'm most proud of was this page. I wanted this to be grand and a pivotal moment if what the comic was about. I don't think even a couple years I could've done anything at this scale, but I split the areas into chunks that I completed over the span of two weeks. Always look upon this page fondly.

eli [a winged tale]

That is gorgeous!

Spring-heeled Jack

Impressive!

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I can point out four moments in Super Galaxy Knights http://sgkdr.thecomicseries.com/comics/ that I'm the most proud of - 1. The end of Book 1 Chapter 4. Chapter 4 was intended to be a big "growing the beard" moment for the comic's action setpieces - the first three chapters were more about introducing characters and plot elements than actual action, so I consider chapter 4 to be the first "real" fight of the comic. The way the action was presented in chapter 4 would go on to represent how action would be presented throughout the rest of the comic, and IMO I pulled it off fantastically. 2. The end of Book 1. Kinda self-explanatory, but Book 1 was the first major story arc of the comic - the fact that I managed to pull together a satisfying conclusion, something that I theoretically could have ended the comic on, was super satisfying to me. 3. This page: http://sgkdr.thecomicseries.com/images/comics/160/30997a1543363807f2141157006.gif . When I wrote in my Book 2 script "they fight for a bit in a big looping animation" back in 2016 I was hoping my animation skills would advance to the point where I could pull it off. And it turns out, they did. 4. Well... today. Ever since starting the comic back on leap day 2016, I knew today would be a big milestone, and I'm proud of myself for sticking with this project long enough to get to this four year mark.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

oh my god, that looks incredible and I've never seen a page like that before!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I am not very far into my comic, but when I try to think about what I am most proud of in my work, it is definitely all the behind-the-scenes work I have put into the comic. The world-building. The map-making, language developing, culture exploring, building a political structure, writing histories, character work, etc. All this time and energy I devoted to something that wouldn't be seen by others for many years to come. It is only now starting to come to fruition, despite technically having been working on this project since 2014, with the first scripts, the first character designs, and the first paragraphs about the world of Whispers of the Past. All this work that nobody will ever see. I am proud of sticking with it and putting my heart and soul into it despite the lack of return for so long. I have given up my adolescence to this project, and I am giving up the rest of my youth. But when I think about it, there is no worthier recipient. Because without this story, I feel like a large part of my identity would be gone.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Thank you @Eightfish (Puppeteer) ! The storyboarding alone for that animation took a week so I'm glad you like it!

eli [a winged tale]

I totally get you Cronaj! So much goes behind the scenes but that creates the world’s depths and it will resonate with readers! continues dedicating the rest of my life to comics

SL Black

@Cronaj (Whispers of the Past) yes! There is so much prep work involved. I have three full scripts for UO that will never see the light of day (mostly because they are terrible). Comics are such a marathon. All that hard work will be appreciated so much by your readers!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

@SL Black Man... That sounds like me. I myself went through at least 3 scripts too. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way about the BTS work

Desnik

I'm proud that I'm putting myself out there with a WIP comic script and learning how to not only write, but collaborate with other writers.

renieplayerone

Im really proud that i started a comic and have stuck with it for a year and just how much ive learned by making it^^

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'm proud that even after 70 pages I've never missed a scheduled update!(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Awe yeee thats always good to have a streak like that!

eli [a winged tale]

That is #goals!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Agreed!

[thesimplyluxuriouslife]

278: 14 Ways to Create a Happy Home

At the core of a happy home is a home that works for those individuals the four walls surround and keep sheltered and safe. Once the essentials are in place - a roof over our heads, walls to keep us warm/cool, then it is the inhabitants' responsibility to cultivate a sanctuary in which each person feels they belong and loved for being their true selves or having the space to understand who they are as they grow and evolve. Whether you share your home or not, both require clarity and willingness to be honest about the needs to live your best life and if you live with others to enable them to do the same without short-changing yourself or compromising too much.

If these steps sound familiar, you are right. Maslow's Hierarchy of needs builds on top of each of the necessities shared above. First we must have our phyiological needs met, then a feeling of safety before we can find belonging and feel and recognize love. Following the third step, once we have a home to feel free to just be, our stress levels drop, our health improves and strengthens and we find we think more clearly and thus make better decisions which leads to the opportunity to strive and try new things giving a boost to our confidence along our journey which builds the fourth tier - our self-esteem opening the pathway for us to have the choice to become self-actualized, the fifth and final tier.

Interior designer and author Rebecca West's new book Happy Starts at Home, which was just released in the states last month, takes the approach to decor that it is far more than the aesthetics, but rather thoughtful decor decisions that marry function with and supporting each person reach their goals which includes feeling welcomed and at peace in the present.

"The truth is your home can directly improve your well-being and contentment. It can help decreease your stress level and increase your happiness." —Rebecca West

What I was drawn to with West's book is her underlying definition of happiness is contentment which is something we talk about often here on TSLL. Contentment is something that has the capability of being steady day-in and day-out regardless of the events of our days - good, bad or just blah. In fact, when you are content, you rarely have blah days at all and when you do have bad days, you can confidently move through them and the good days are elevated even higher. How awesome is that!

While we must build contentment within ourselves, our homes play a critical part in supporting this contented state of going about our lives. And in even better news, our home decor need not break our budget. Just as it takes time to get to know ourselves, depending upon where we are in our life journey when we begin to cultivate our sanctuary, it will take time to understand how we live well, and what is needed to enable our best life to be enjoyed everyday.

Today I'd like to share with you the takeaways from Rebecca West's book that caught my attention as I am in the middle of customizing my home and making sure it works for me.

1.Understand "who" your home is and who it can be for you

As I mentioned in this post (#3), I have named my home, and I highly recommend you do as well. I think of how Paul and Julia Child named their home in Provence Le Pitchoune (translated The Little One), aka La Peetch. Naming our homes gives them a character, reminds of what our home means to us and signifies our appreciation and perhaps our vow to care for it as we are aware of how it cares for us.

If your home is not reflecting its full potential, not living up to its name so-to-speak, then let such a realization be motivation to give the home the care it needs to be the "who" you know it can be and need it to be as well.

2. Be clear about how your home needs to support your lifestyle

Begin with the more abstract concept such as supportive, strengthening, joyful and then examine how your home can enable you to feel these feelings. If your home is not supporting those feelings, examine closely why it isn't and go about creating the change you need.

3. Understand the priorities of your home

In other words, what lifestyle do you not only sincerely have to live, but also want to live? How can your home facilitate your needs and support you on your journey toward your goals? Do you need your own office space and right now only write on the kitchen table? Do you need more light, less light, lighter fabrics in hue and/or weight? Do you need furniture that is comfortable that asks you to relax and unwind? Is your kitchen organized and functional so you can easily step into it and make what you need easily?

Let's back step just a bit first because our answers to the above questions come after we know who we are and where we want to go and what are priorities are. Once we know the answers to these essential questions, the questions regarding our home, are far easier.

4. Make a habit of editing what comes into your home

As I have shared in previous posts, having a mood board is helpful to clarify and direct your purchases and decor aesthetic decisions. A mood board will also help when it comes to know what you need and what would work best in your home and being able to say no to otherwise beautiful items that would have found their way into your home, but they just are not needed or fit well.

Once you have decorated your home to support your contented life, become ardent about your shopping excursions, gifts that are received and get into a regular habit of letting go, consigning, selling for resale at used books/furniture shops what no longer serves you. You "have a say in what surrounds you", and when you feel as though you are the director of your home and decor, you can feel more confident in your life decisions as well because your home doesn't become overwhelmed and remains true to its purpose.

5. Examine the fear you have when it comes to letting stuff go

West examines the emotional attachment we have with material items well, as it often is a fear that we will not be able to fill the hole it may feel it is leaving. However, she argues that in fact, it is opening up space for something more in alignment with who we are and are becoming.

"When you take a leap and start letting things go from your home, you'll open the door to trust and opportunity."

6. Keep what brings you joy

However, make sure you are not keeping what brings you joy in a box tucked away in the garage. In other words, if you are not honoring it, if you are not letting it bring you joy in your daily life, does it really bring you joy, or are you just afraid to let it go? A self-examination, an honest self-examination, will help you answer this question.

7. Extend gratitude to your home

Whether you rent or own, your house is your dream house or not, extend gratitude to it for the good that it provides - at the very least, shelter and safety. One of the joys and things I am extremely grateful for in my home is that my key turns in the front door without snagging. As well, with an attached garage, my dogs are safer as we can move from the car to the house without having to worry about them seeing something to chase or say hello to. These simple changes are things I am grateful for each day I turn the lock in my door and cross the threshold.

It may sound silly to say thank you to our homes, but the expression of gratitude is a destressor and a good habit of looking for all that is going well in our lives no matter what the day might have brought us.

8. Understand that a well-decorated home that works for you will help you change your life

West cautions that if you have the determination to change your life, but you are not changing your home to support you, that may be an obstacle you are ignoring and should address. Why? From the simple reorganization and editing of your kitchen and pantry to support your new eating habit, your home can sabotage or support the new habits you are trying to welcome into your daily routine. More generally speaking if you get rid of the reminders of the bad habits you do not want, your home will most certainly better support you as it is with you each day.

9. Address the simple daily stressors

From a handle that is loose to a dishwasher that does not run properly or is not large enough for your needs, from small to large, tend to them immediately or as swiftly as your budget allows as you will be amazed how your stress levels will drop when you are not tripping over these items you know you need to tend to but continue to put off again and again.

An example from my own life, the dishwasher that came with my house had two racks and was too small for all of the cooking I do. Often I would have to run it twice to wash all of my dishes (yes, I know I could have hand-washed them, and sometimes I did, which is my point also - I wanted to save time!). So when my dishwasher unexpected broke down on my late last year, I took advantage of the first of the year sales in January to purchase a dishwasher that had the racks I needed and boy, what a significiant difference to my time allotted for washing dishes and daily stress.

10. Edit your bedroom to included nothing that isn't related to sleep or intimacy

Keep only reading materials that help you relax and fall asleep (no work items). Add elements such as softer lighting, candles, and a vase for your weekly flowers. Focus on what calms you down and eliminate anything that rachets you up.

11. Create a home you are proud to call your home

When you wake up in the morning, you should feel a sense of calm as you are expected to be nobody but exactly who you are. When you leave your home, it should give you a confident boost to enjoy the day to the best of the events' abilities. Upon feeling such ease in your home, you will become more confident to invite people over and build the social life you would like to have.

12. Be thoughtful with lighting

Consider where you need lighting and where you want people to relax and feel their best. In other words, nobody wants an overhead light shining down on them in the living room as they conversation casually. Nobody looks great under these lights and it is just too shocking. Keep the kitchen well lit, but use table and floor lamps instead in more relaxed settings. Welcoming in as much natural light as possible as this too will elevate your mood.

13. Find ease with your relationship status, whatever it is

A home that reflects where you are in your life right now is a home that allows you to feel settled and thus more calm.

"Once your home reflects you, you'll start to feel a lot more settled about being on your own."

I share the quote above because I think sometimes we decorate for the life we want, not for the life we have. When we choose to honor where we are, we are being present and enjoying all that life is giving us even if we cannot see all of the awesomeness. As someone who has lived alone most of my life, when I first began doing so, it took time to become comfortable with my own company; however, now, you could not convince me to live any other way. When we embrace we learn what we truly need to live well outside of another person or society's expectations. When we let others who we are living with express what they need and we then express what we need, we get to know each other better on a far more intimate level. But the key is to set aside expectations of something either beyond our control or that we think should be happening next.

14. Let your home customization be the medicine to finding your ease of living

If you have ever felt your life is not where you want it - your job, your relationships, the country, etc., start at home and change what you can to make yourself happier. Take the weekend and paint that room you've been meaning to paint. Vow that you will wallpaper the office so that your work space reflects who you are and you enjoy stepping across that threshold each day even if you do have a home office and do not have to travel that far.

West suggests if you are having trouble changing your thoughts and perhaps feel overwhelmed and not settled with life, start at home and change something aesthetically that makes your home work better for you.

There are times when my mind races and sometimes not in the direction I want it to and one thing I had not been doing four years ago was tending to my decorating as it was a rental. However, after living in my rental for two years, I realized, why aren't you doing something? So I did. I updated the blinds in the office and kitchen, two places I found myself frequently and wanted a beautiful frame to look out and see Mother Nature, I purchased a secondhand pedestal dining table, one I had been putting off until I bought my next house, and I framed photographs I had taken on my travels to France and England and enlarged them to be the artwork in the living room. Once I began making my home reflect who I was, the quality gradually lifted as well and I reveled in being at my home even more. In two short years of doing this, I did eventually find the home I wanted to buy, but even though the blinds cannot come with me, I felt as though I gave that rental some love, and don't regret it for a moment.

I could go on and one about the takeaways in Happy Starts at Home. It is a decor resource but also so much more as readers will come to understand the psychological power of our homes when we recognize it for what it can do to improve the quality of our life.

Currently as I type, it has begun to snow in droves after just an hour ago being a bright sunshine of a day. And I am smiling and saying thank you because I have a home that enables me to see outside far more easily and savor the changing of the weather while relaxing in my armchair while Norman snores away on the ottoman. These are the moments that I wanted to cultivate more of, and you can too. Whatever it is that makes your life sing, examine how you can bring it into your home so that it is part of your everyday. Your contentment will rise as a result.

The changes can be grand, but they need not be, they just need to be intentional and in alignment with what you need to work best for you and the life you want to live.

Enjoy examining your life and how your home is supporting the life you want to live. If it isn't exactly where you'd like it to be, enjoy the journey of figuring out what you need. Because although it will take time, when the right items cross your path or the right ideas cross your path or you all of a sudden discover what would work the best, you will be all the more grateful they made it into your life.

Petit Plaisir:

Le Blanc Linen Wash

~If you live in Bend, Studio Vero sells this line of detergent and the laundry sachets as well.

Ginger and Almond Bars (gluten-free)

~click here for the recipe

~as first enjoyed in Provence at Patricia Wells' cooking school~

Tune in to the latest episode of The Simple Sophisticate podcast

[theproofinthisong]

fine line review

oh my goooood i just finished listening to the album and i NEED to express my thoughts:

golden: didn’t know what to expect with this one but it’s?? so beautiful?? harry was so right saying it was a driving song it makes you want to go to california and watch the sunset from the car?? also the sun theme is so poetic and beautiful the way he uses it to talk about louis, his beloved?? the melody is quite simple but it’s so effective and these little da da da sounds the choir make in the background...heavenly. this part reminds me of another song but i can’t remember which one. what i love about this one is that it’s first time i’ve listened the lyrics seemed a quite sad (but riddled with hope still) and now the second time the meaning changed totally?? like it’s witchcraft how much the meaning can change once you look at the lyrics closely?? i know harry was talking about adore you when speaking about that feeling of bliss when you first meet the love of your life and fall completely but this is also what golden is about?? like being afraid but diving deep into it knowing this is right. i’m emo. in terms of vocals, it isn’t as BOOM as in other songs (in the sense that he’s not belting, using falsetto or a very low intonation that differs from his usual tone) but i love it!!! it’s very calm and peaceful and dreamy.

watermelon sugar: miss watermelon sugar is still as iconic as the first day she came out. it’s such a wonderful tune. my impressions on this song will never change and i will listen to it for another 30 times round without even hesitating. it just feels very summery and sensual and sexy without being too explicit (even though there is nothing wrong with being super explicit...see medicine). the chorus is just super catchy. the lyrics are so nice and i love the melody. very old pop and i’m a slut for this genre. also i know this has been HUGELY talked about before but i need to say it again. the way he’s saying belly!! the softness of the breathe me in/breathe me out parts!! the last watermelon sugar i don’t know why i’m obsessed it JUST SLAPS

adore you: oh darling. a treasure. 8 days ago, first time i’ve heard it, it took me by surprise because i wasn’t expecting that sound...but six seconds in and i was SOLD and already cherishing her with all of my heart. this song is JUST PERFECT. it’s probably the song that is the closest to 1D mixed with HS1 in terms of sound, like it’s super modern but at the same time has these very old school vibes i’m in LOVE WITH?? this is such a sweet joyful sappy song about his soulmate and i :’) also the rainbow paradise line i haven’t recovered from  bitches. i will never. this is such a certain and blatant declaration of love i wanna die!! i feel acknowledged as a romantic bitch who lives for this kind of grand gestures. thanks harry. also during some parts he sounds like old harry (i mean harry from 1d days) and then 2019 harry takes over and it makes me CRY

lights up: the first single and song from the era will always a soft soft in my heart. i listened to the track so many fucking times the words are tattooed onto my brain. this song was just so needed and so important. it’s so deep and means everything to me really. all of us wanted a song from him about identity and self discovery and lights up was the gift he gave us. never in my life i would have have dreamed of this song and it happened for real. i’m just so grateful. his voice in this is just so soft and delicate and so fitting for the song like it DEMANDS that tenderness and sweetness. also the choir gives me chills, like when they scream SHINE i just feel overwhelmed it’s!!! fuck!! i could write an essay about lights up because this song is just it. it makes you feel seen and understood and i just feel so lucky harry was able to share something as intimate as this.

cherry: lmaoooo. this one will be a skipper sorry. it’s far from being a bad piece because harry’s voice is always amazing but i can’t get over the voicemail. when the news came out i was just so appealed and angry but know i’m just cackling?? i’m french and what is this slander?? THE COUCOU AT THE BEGINNING IS RIDICULOUS!! and the ending sounds so rehearsed there is literally nothing naturel about it. thank god we hear harry’s laugh in it. I JUST KNOW it was added because there is no way he would have laughed irl at one of her jokes lol. lyrically you can see some parts were put there to make an allusion to the stunt (the accent & friends part, the gallery...) but others are just about louis?? like him being jealous of course it’s about the hubby. his voice is still beautiful but the melody doesn’t speak to me (and i would have telled you if it was the case) being objective, it’s the weakest one out of the album.

falling: OH MY FUCKING GOOOOD. i wanna say it’s my favorite song but i feel like it would diminish the love i have for the others but god...this song is breathtaking and out of this world. in terms of lyrics it’s the best HANDS DOWN. like period. fuck this song just BROKE ME. all that ache and heartbreak you get what he’s talking about when he said to zane lowe he hit rock bottom then. fucking hell. it just hurts knowing he hated himself that much like i can’t even fathom it. and his voice bloody hell?? i never heard him sing like that!!! it’s just so desperate and full of hurt and the high notes? please annihilate me. when i heard it i would at first sight i would be my favorite out of fine line. it was just so obvious. that kind of magic doesn’t happen a lot...like. i can’t pinpoint what part hurts me the most because the whole song is TORTURTING ME. when we’ll hear live i will be bawling for the rest of my life. i’m already am. my god it’s just so raw and honest no other artist can make me feel like that. you are experiencing the hurt with him it’s??? i have no words. and please this song makes no fucking sense if you don’t link to his relationship to louis like?? the i’m well aware i write too many songs about you?? hello??? i’m glad he doesn’t feel like that anymore because it hurts. it’s crazy how this song can pull you back to ancient memories and you just forget about the world. oh my god.

to be so lonely: i almost fell out of my chair (or bed, rather) because this song did not fit at all what i was expecting but it’s?? gold??? i was so sure it was going to be a full angsty ballad but it’s so catchy and it has those beatles vibe? like PLEASE. king of defying expectations. it’s so english. and it’s so smart because when the melody and rythm makes you think it’s gonna be corny (in the best sense of the word) but it’s kinda passive agressive? AND ALSO THE SWEARING. DON’T, STYLES. UR MY SON. i’m kidding. him hearing him say arrogant son of a bitch is THE PINNACLE of my life. also am i the only one that feels like if you change the beat a little and accelerate it on don’t call me baby ever again it would sound a bit like never enough? loved the throwback nonetheless. it isn’t a favorite yet but it’s already growing on me.

she: bloody fucking hell. first this song is timeless. it feels like it came straight (gay!!!) from the seventies. i had eagles vibes first listen but some said pink floyd and it’s SO TRUE. there are tons of rock influences in it but it’s so harry and manages to still be super unique?? just incredible. the writing of the song is the smartest out of HS2. it reminds me of woman (not in the way i was expecting...i had one supposition it was going to be about being envious of a woman while dumb people are tricked by the title) so much not in melody or lyrics at all but in the sense that it has a double (triple...and more) meanings. once again stupid hets think it’s about singing about the ideal girl when really it’s...on another plane of existence. like jesus. bitch i was right!!! it’s either a song on gender identity (harry singing about his feminine side that he was ashamed of for so long and tried to hide) or the closet and my god, the whole thing is just so clever.  A MASTERMIND. and the switch from the third person to the third KEATS you’ve been beaten. what a writer. it has thousands of interpretations this is just a trip. holy shit. the whole song carries so much guilt and repression and wishing be free of those feelings it’s?? i’m speechless. it’s so complex and intense. and fuck the guitar solo outro IS HISTORIC. in decades it will be praised as a masterpiece by all. i just know it. mitch you’re a genius. it gives just so much resonance and impact to the piece and it already had everything... i’m in heaven. or in hell. don’t know.

sunflower vol 6; cutest and weirdest song on earth and it’s A FAVE. it’s so colorful and nothing like he ever did before i’m living for it. it’s SAPPY AS FUCK and we stan sunflower in this house. also the part where he’s singing about wanting to kiss his lover kinda sounds like a lullaby and an alphabet song mixed together it’s ADORABLE!!! it’s such a being young and in love track i’m giggling!! it’s so precious!!! very poppy and gives you joy for days!! also super summery!! i wanna dance and twirl to it!! AND THE ENDING IS SO FUCKING LEGENDARY. BIG HIGH ON CRACK ENERGY. BITCH. it’s so uncanny like is he imitating a bird? calling someone?? trying to sound 5? i don’t know but it’s endearing. just so lovely.

canyon moon: another one i was expecting to be slow and it wasn’t. very country. thanks kacey for the input!! also him putting “jenny” in that sound is he trying to be adopted by dixie chicks and dolly parton? I LOVE that he’s trying new things with this track like country is such a hard genre to tackle and he nailed it. AND OH MY GOD THE LYRICS. it makes so emotional he’s literally creating a safe place for him and his darling?? could you be more in love?? this song belongs to the gays. san junipero without the angsty feelings. we deserved that. also he really mentioned the two weeks rule i’m weak. THIS IS INFURIATING.

treat people with kindness: the group part just sounds like a sitcom from the 80s. i’m dying. he really did that. and he named it like that :’) ALSO A GAY ANTHEM I CAN’T WAIT TO SCREAM THOSE LYRICS. big end of the days vibe. it’s just so healing and reassuring. it’s so empowering and i love the contrast between the very catchy happy bits (the high notes and the part where he kinda talks at the end reminded so much of mika which is a huge compliment as far as i’m concerned!!!) and that part where he’s singing very slow and soft you can see it’s very personal with him gaining confidence thanks to us during hslot <3 i’m dying this is such an exceptional gesture to like dedicate this to your fans? it’s so universal while being about his own journey (just like home..i’m sobbing) and that is like the mark of great music. also the instrumental is godsent.

fine line: i can see why it’s his favorite and why it is ending the album and giving it its name. i said falling was my fave but honestly fine line might be it too? the only difference is that i didn’t fall in love instantly, it takes time to escalate (it’s very similar to sott in that sense) beginning softly and almost whispered (also the high tone?? i almost didn’t recognized harry but at the same time it’s just 100% percent him but HE NEVER SANG in THAT TONE i’m!!! my jaw is dropping all the way to mars) like you can see it BUILDING to something superior and never made before... it’s a moment, it’s an experience, it just suspends time. like when music can do that for you...it’s infinite stuck in a few minutes. the two last minutes are purely angelic and the most beautiful thing i’ve ever heard. it has very few lines and words but the one there are so meaningful. when the song ended i just stayed a bit in silence without moving i could not believed what i just witnessed. and the album ending with we’ll be alright...it’s so fucking special. and that word doesn’t even give it justice.

fucK. this album is just...i’m trying to find words but how can you. when you make an album as ambitious and as outstanding as HS1 it’s hard to go back to the studio and find a way to equate it (i’m not saying top it because both can’t even be compared...) but he somehow did it?? i had no doubt but holy shit it’s unreal. it’s crazy because fine line is so different from the first one while being as rock and pop but there is a level of maturity and vulnerability that feels just so? different?? i can’t seem to find the right expression but i’m am purely in awe. i dk how harry finds a way to exceed my expectations every time like... it’s?? i’m sorry i’m just so moved and... it just means everything. 

two years and a half after and the feeling is the same. an album changing me and my life at first listen and 48 minutes that felt like a lifetime and a second at the same time.

[jailbirdsonic]

Sides vs Egos

Hi! So, I decided to write this fanfiction because I would love to see an interaction between this characters. I tag @markired, a fellow Markiplier and Thomas Sanders lover and @ask-sadisticdark, since he’s one of the most interesting Dark blogs here on Tumblr. I also tag @liberalautisticnerd831 and @wolfinogotbored because they asked so nicely.  ❤ I also tag @reverseblackholeofwords because their one-shot about the Sides meeting the Egos really inspired me! ❤ Without further ado, let’s see how far down this rabbit hole goes…

It was the weekend of VidCon and Markiplier’s Egos, after the MarkiplierTV premiere, wanted another spotlight to show themselves to the fans. Sadly though, Mark, tired and stressed from his new Tour “You’re Welcome”, was running out of ideas on how to make that happened and the Egos, especially Dark, were becoming impatient each and every day. 

Wilford invited them all to a new meeting to brainstorm a few ideas for him, but after a few hours of discussions and insults at each other, they decided to take a break and relax a bit. While the Egos were chatting with each other, a sound of steps and a joyful tune could be heard coming towards the room, as all the men turned around, confused as hell.

A regal figure, followed by other three people with the same face as the first one but with different outifits, walked through the glass door, singing a tune that went more or less like this: 

♪ “We Are The Sanders Sides! We’ll always save the day! And if you think we can’t We’ll always find a way! That’s why the people on the Internet believe in…” ♪ “Roman!”, sang the first singing figure, now standing proudly with his arms open towards the Egos. “Virgil…”, mumbled the second figure who followed him, his arms crossed against his chest, glaring at the royal with a killing stare under the hood of his black sweatshirt. “And Logan,”, said the third, slower than the darker one and definitely out of tune. “AND PATTON!”, shouted the last one with a big smile on his face, taking a little jump on the spot.

The Egos were watching them like they were aliens from another world, except for The Host, who spoke up and explained who they were to his colleagues: “They are the Sanders Sides, the four different aspects of Thomas Sanders’, the famous Viner and now Youtuber, personality. Prince Roman represents Thomas’ creativity, hopes and dreams; Anxiety, or Virgil, represents Thomas’ anxiety, shame and fear; Logic, or Logan, is Thomas’ logical side; Morality, or Dad, or Patton, is his moral side and his sense of right and wrong.” The last one waved a hand at the crowded room, greeting everyone with a genuine smile to whom only Bim Trimmer greeted back.

“The Host is very pleased to finally meet them as fellow Internet personalities but at the same time he is wondering: what are they doing here?” Logan, adjusting his glasses and fixing his blue tie, responded: “We are here because apparently your meatsuit, Mark, asked Thomas to do a video with him because he was running out of ideas for a video. And which context is better than VidCon, where so many Youtube creators meet and shares ideas? Strangely, though, he didn’t said that we would have to work with…”, he gestured the room, “you.” While The Host was still narrating, Dark started walking from the blind Ego towards the Sides, politely smiling and offering them to sit to continue the interrupted meeting.

Anxiety flinched a bit when the darker persona came close to them so when all of the Sides and the Egos sat down to continue, he sat far away from him, as if he was scared by his powerful aura.

The first part of the meeting went as if the Sanders Sides never came: there was shouting around and arguing on which option was the best to take control over Mark’s channel, leaving a confused and heart-broken Patton who, at some point in the conversation, asked: “What do you mean that you want to take control over your Host? No pun intended, sorry.”, added the Dad character, embarrassingly smiling towards the Ego, who nodded back, “We take decisions together and even if sometimes we argue, we always find a solution with the help of our little guy.” Nobody paid attention to him except for Wilford, who eyed him since he first entered that meeting room. When the situation became too complicated to solve and the room too loud to think and talk decently in to, both parts of the Youtubers’ personas decided to take another break and quiet their nerves.

Logan stood up from his chair, approaching the four Googles who were chatting with each other, properly presenting to them. As soon as the original Googleplier greeted him back, explaining that he and his three brothers were a real life version of the famous search engine, Thomas’ logical side went, quite literally, crazy, asking questions on questions on how such a big company as Google was able to transfer so many data into a human body, to which the Googles responded with pleasure, grateful to know that there was another smart being in the same room as them. Dr. Iplier, who was harassing Ed Edgar at the buffet table with his new medical discoveries, a bit envious to see that the smart ones were having fun, walked towards them, presenting himself with his famous line: “I’m Dr. Iplier. I’m sorry, you’re dying.” which was accepted with a confused expression by both Logan and Oliver, the yellow Google, and a emotionless expression by the other three. The doctor shook his head out of embarrassment, rephrasing his greeting into a more polite and less scary one, and started to talk with the other five about new scientific discoveries, geeking the heck out. While Logan was having fun with his new nerdy and emotionless friends, Virgil, too overwhelmed by the previous shouting from the meeting, was trying to regain his composture and the little sanity he had by standying in the less visible corner of the meeting room, hoping that no one would noticed and started talking to him. At the exact moment he was thinking to take his phone out and listen to some of his music to relax, Dark was immediately next to him, causing the Side to nearly have a stroke, flinching more into the wall. “N-Nice eyeliner, e-eh.”, spilled Virgil, the first thing that came into his mind. The Ego smiled politely, bowing towards Anxiety and saying: “Thank you, lovely. Your eyeshadow is not bad as well. Now now, where are my manners? It’s a pleasure to meet you, Virgil. I would have never expected Thomas Sanders to have a dark figment inside of him, considering his joyous personality, but here you are. I understood that you represent Thomas’ worries, am I correct? In that case, I can show a few tricks to make things easier to better control your vessel’s mind and make you feel heard and listened to, not only from Thomas himself but even by his lovely audience. What do you say?” The warm and charming voice of the darker character, along with the piercing sound who accompanied it, sent a shiver down Anxiety’s back, confusing his already tormented mind and making him want to throw up at the point that he could feel Thomas nearly having a panick attack. Sensing the discomfort coming from the younger trait, a feeling he knew very well, the Host quickly joined them, interrupting Dark’s speech and quietly saying to Virgil, trying to calm him down: “The Host is pleasured to meet Anxiety too and, as a lover of classical culture, he can’t help but notice that your name, and the other Sides’ name as well, perfectly represents the trait you are. Like Logan and Patton, which represents Aristotle’s rethorical appeals of Logos and Pathos and Thomas’ logical and moral side. Or Roman, whose name is based off Romanticism and its protagonists, who are often knights, and he represents Thomas’ fanciful and individual side. Even you, Virgil. Your name come off "Vigil” and you represent Thomas’ vigilancy and worries. Did you know that there is a Roman poet named Virgil, who pops up in Dante’s Inferno and escorts him through the underworld?“ Anxiety, releaved that the Host tried in some way to keep him away from having an attack, nodded and thanked him silently, watching him narrating about his library and his works, while Dark was trying to maintain his façade with a fake smile, irritated that the blind Ego interrupted his chance to take Anxiety to the Dark Side. As well as Virgil, Roman too felt uncomfortable in that room full of, for the most part, criminals. As he was eyeing his "friend” (Was he more than that? The fanciful Side wasn’t so sure about his feelings for him.) standing in the corner bewteen the Host and Dark a rush of feelings, which he failed to catalogue, hit him right in the guts as someone silently approached him. “You like him, uh?”, said the Ego abruptly, making Roman turn towards him, blushing like a red tomato. “What?! No, for the love of the Fairy Godmother, absolutely not! Why would I-”, spilled Princey, nearly screaming in frustration and risking Virgil to hear him. “You know, I’m not blind. I saw how you kept staring at him during the meeting. And I can recognize when someone has a crush like yours. I also had one like this in a episode of my show, but it didn’t end up so well as the other guy dumped me at the first chance…”, the other man whispered the last part, as if it was difficult to him to remember such a sensible topic: “I’m Bim Trimmer, by the way. I’m the host of Hire My Ass.”, he said with a big smile on his face and what it seems an Ego (again, no pun intended) as big as Roman’s one. “Nice to meet you, Bim.”, the fanciful side shook his hand with the other one’s, leaning close to whisper into his ear: “Please, don’t tell anyone about this…”, he sighed, “thing. I’m not sure about my feelings for him yet, unlike Patton and Logan who aknowledge them and now they’re in a happy and balanced relationship. Me and Hot Topic over there though, we keep fighting and getting back with each other so much I’m not so sure what we are, but even so, keep it for yourself.” Bim nodded solemnly, giving the Side a quick wink as an agreement; Silver Sheperd, interested that there was another Superhero other than him, joined them, explaining his story of how he wasn’t feeling the motivation to fight crimes anymore and reciving some good and motivational advices from Roman, and sharing stories about saving Princesses and common citizens from the horrible injustices that tormented their land. Patton, on the other hand, was having a great time. He endend up talking with a new Ego, who popped up randomly after everyone started chatting with each other, called King of The Squirrels whose chin and facial features were covered in peanut butter and who claimed that the squirrels of that part of the city obeyed only to him; he tried to have a chat with Ed Edgar too but when Morality understood that the Ego’s job was selling kids, he slowly retreated, too afraid and a bit angry that that man could so easily escape from the authorities and make those horrible actions to children. The weirdest thing Patton noticed, though, was that the Ego with the pink hair and moustache was staring at him wherever he went. That look was sure intimidating but at the same it fascinated him to the point that he found himself next to the Ego, who smiled at him and indicated him the chair in front of himself. The Side sat, hiding the uncomfortableness with a big smile, and noticed only after that there were a microphone and two cameras behind him and behind the other man. “Good evening ladies and gentlemen and other configurations of being! I’m Wilford Warfstache and tonight I’m here with mister Morality, known as Patton, who’s one of the four Sanders Sides of the famouse Youtuber and Viner Thomas Sanders! It’s a pleasure to meet you! Say, what’s yout job inside of your vessels’s mind?”, said the Ego, his pink moustache wriggiling as he spoke. “Hello everyone!”, answered Patton, waving happily towards the camera: “Uhm, I usually provide to Thomas and to the others Sides moral support when they need it and I help Thomas figuring out what’s the difference between right and wrong.” Wilford nodded, pretty interested in Patton’s answer: “Oh, good to hear, good to hear. And say, what are your hobbies or the things you like to do in your free time?” Morality didn’t hesitate and answered: “Well, I like eating mostly pizza, drawing and… oh, making puns! You know, I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.” The pink moustached Ego chuckled softly, nodding and adding: “Do you know why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.” Patton, catching his breath after laughing, claimed: “ Say, Wilford, do you know what is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.” The poor Warfstache couldn’t keep the laugh for himself and clapped his hands on his thighs, laughing like a child and managing to say between the giggles: “Hey, Mr. Patton! Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? No? Never mind… it’s tearable.” The two of them kept telling each other horrible puns like this and laughing like children until Dark asked to all of them to gather again to finish the meeting.

Each Side sat down next to their new friends: Logan with the Googles and Dr. Iplier, Anxiety next to the Host and Dark, who was at the side of the table opposite to Wilford, who had Patton next to him and Roman between Bim Trimmer and Silver Sheperd. During the final part of the meeting, after setting the rule of not to talk over each other, everyone individually had the chance to talk about their plans to improve their meatsuit’s channels. Many different ideas were brought to the table, altough Dark seem to have a hard time dealing with Morality and Wilford’s constant Dad puns, one worse than the other before, his shell dangerously near to crack. After a very bad joke from Patton, that went more or less like this: “I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”, Dark completely lost it. His shell was cracking and screaming like never before, the piercing noise louder than ever, as most of the Egos in the room lowered their eyes, terrified. “Try to make such a joke again, Mr. Patton, and I swear I’ll take you to a visit to the Persuasion Room.” Silence fell. No one dare to talk as Patton’s eyes immediately filled up with tears. Suddendly, Roman stood up and, out of nowhere, pulled his beloved samurai sword out of the sheath, eyeing Logan who headed dangerously close to the darker persona, surrounding him with fierce eyes, furious that he made Patton cry, as Dark watched them irritated, while  Anxiety was trying with Bim and Dr. Iplier to make Morality stop crying.

The braver Side poked at Dark’s neck with the sword as Logan leaned eye to eye with him, murmuring through his teeth: “Do not treathen my boyfriend like that anymore or, I swear to all the puzzles I’ve made in my life, I will not hesitate to defeat you.” Dark, as well as most of the other Egos, a bit shocked by the information that Logan and Patton were in a relationship, smiled politely raising his hands in yield: “I am sorry if I offended your fiancée, I promise you that it will not happen again.”

The two Sides death-glared him for a moment, then headed back to where Patton was sat, Logan lowering to his level and taking Morality’s hand between his. “Patton, like we’ve learned: breath in for four seconds; hold your breath for seven seconds; breath out for eight second. Keep it up, Patton.” The Moral Side did as his boyfriend told and after a few breaths, he did feel better. All of the other three sat next to him, to confort him and silently tell him that they were not going anywehere without him. Patton appreciated the gesture, squeezing Logan’s hand.

Everyone agreed that a collab between the Egos and the Sanders Sides was definitely postponed to another time because they realized that there were too many differences between them, but one thing was sure: both of the parts learned a lot of new things about their vessels’ mind.

BONUS:

While the Sanders Sides were saying their goodbyes to their friends, a glitch could be felt through the entire building by all presents. Dark, Wilford and the Four Googles turned around, visibly concerned, as the glitch grew stronger and came closer to the meeting room. Through the glass door that headed into the room, five figures could be seen: a man in a suit with a cat mask on his face, a boy with a backwards baseball hat, a Doctor, another Superhero and the leader of the group, a demon with black eyes, green hair, gauges, fangs, a dirty knife covered in blood in his hand and his neck stitched and covered in blood as well. The first one opened the door with an evil smirk and said, while happily glitching:

“D͙͚̫͈̦̘i̪̱̲͚͚̠d͈̩͎̘̣ ̙̖̭̰̲̖̬͘w̜̙e͚̦̫̭̫̬ ̷̟̝̟̼m̭̬̤̟̭͡ͅị̪̪̮͇͖̩s̮͎͕͟s̥̟̱͚͚̗͞ ̛͔̪͖s͙̯̣͇̼̖̯o͉̖̱̯̲̖̣m̝̰̤̘̼e̖͈̱̜t̙͎̺͙̻̮͠h͚͙̜̝i̹̻̙ṉg̶̹̗̻?̼̝̝͔ ҉͕͙͔̲͕”

[grief-and-joy]

Just got into a huge fight with my mom. Man....I just treat people bad sometimes. I wish I had control over my emotions. I definitely don't always walk in the light, or walk in patience, love or understanding....I can be very angry and hateful and mean and I pray the spirit prunes that out of me but right now I really have to just take it day by day because the last months have been very hard for me to walk out and I've been in a lot of fear, anger and shame. I hated myself for the last months and I'm done hating myself, I'm done listening to the devils lies and trying to be perfect....I can't be good or kind, not by myself. I have a ton of anxiety. Honestly I've been thinking of going back to therapy because my self destructive patterns have been coming back. Today has been good except for this fight but the last couple of months I have been thinking of harming myself again and it's very bad :/ I did cut a little, not bad, just scratches....but I've just been angry and taking it out on other people. Ya know I want to be worthy of love and an angry, bitter, mean person who only cares for themselves, i mean how can I expect my mom to care for me when I treat her the way I do ? I can't wonder why she won't give her life to Jesus. I'm pretty self destructive and a bit crazy. Really I am. Like....I get such bad anxiety attacks, and I don't have a reason too. Everyone has had trauma and everyone goes through rough patches so I think this is just one for me, I don't think it's my whole life, and I think I have overcome a lot in the Spirit. I pray to not walk in habitual sin anymore and I pray to really trust God as savior but for now this is going to be a healing process because I have been walking in habitual sin for the past months. Now it's time to set myself aside and deal with issues and love these girls at the house the best way I can. It's time to be strong spiritually and just love people and get over this issue I've been having. It's time to be joyful and grateful Again and be kind. I've been angry and bitter and I pray to love my friends and family. Why is it that it's so easy to take out the worst sides of us and the people we are closest too? Why do I hurt people? I wish I was this angel floating around always kind and sweet and always forgiving, bringing grace and light....but I'm definitely not lol I'm sometimes a stick in mud, dark cloud. And I guess everyone is like this sometimes and it's not habitual (for the last coupl of months is has been but it's not my whole life) and everyone goes through things and everyone loses their temper but ya know, it just doesn't have to be THIS bad. I told my mom to shut up, like what that is def not allowed this is not a Caucasian household lol I'm jk but also for real like it was just because I'm having a problem with my eye that I had a really bad infection in two years ago and it hurts pretty bad and I can't see fully and I've been afraid and my mom got really stressed and was yelling about like the insurance and I got so overwhelmed it was like the walls were caving in on me and I just yelled and walked away. Like last year we went to Harry pottter world and this happened where I got so stressed out and had such an anxiety attack and my dad was trying to calm me down and I started screaming, "don't talk to me don't touch me" and I just needed to separate myself to get my thoughts in order because I could legitimately not function and was freaking out. I don't know how I feel about anxiety/depression battle, I don't want to believe medication and therapy are the answer because I know God can deliver me and I want to do what's right for Jesus, I know in Christ there is love and peace and joy and greatfulness and apart from Hiknis darkness and evil and pain. I want to love God with all my heart souls mind and strength and love others, even my enemies, but it's only through supernatural strength that we can love. I have a lot of negativity and there has just been a lot of lies going through my life these past months of feeling useless and worthless and I don't expect others to just bend to my every emotion. So I pray God that you humble me and help me accept reality. I pray Your loving kindness will wash me. I pray to walk in Your light and Your live that is always patient and always kind, always forgiving, never proud, never provoked....I pray my mom forgives me I pray God you take away my anxiety and my desire for approval. I pray my mom and dad find forgiveness in You Jesus! I pray thank you for bringing people in my life who I can talk too! I pray sorry for being mad at my family and friends. I pray for all the girls at the house and at allegras house! I pray your lovingkindness washes this situation. "In His love and in His pity He redeemed them. All the days of old. But they rebelled grieved His Holy Spirit so He turned Himself against them as an enemy and He fought against them--Then he remember led the days of old Moses and his people saying where is she who brought them up out of the sea with the Shepard of His flock ? Where is she who put His Holy Spirit within ththe m who let th by the right hand of Moses with His glorious arm, diving the water before them to make for Himself and everlasting Mae who led through the deep!!! As a horse in the wilderness s that they might not stumble? As a bear does down into the valley and the sPirit of the Lors causes him to rest so You lead Your people to make Yourself a glorious name.